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♪ Christmas, Christmas ♪
2
00:00:07,360 --> 00:00:11,001
♪ Christmas ♪
3
00:00:11,080 --> 00:00:15,608
♪ Well, it's Christmas time,
pretty baby ♪
4
00:00:15,680 --> 00:00:17,842
♪ And the snow is falling on the ground ♪
5
00:00:17,920 --> 00:00:22,209
♪ Christmas, Christmas ♪
6
00:00:22,280 --> 00:00:26,604
♪ Well, it's Christmas time,
pretty baby ♪
7
00:00:26,680 --> 00:00:28,569
♪ And the snow is on the ground ♪
8
00:00:28,640 --> 00:00:33,043
♪ Christmas, Christmas ♪
9
00:00:33,120 --> 00:00:37,125
♪ Well, you be a real good little girl ♪
10
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♪ Santa Claus is back in town ♪
11
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♪ Christmas, Christmas ♪
12
00:00:44,640 --> 00:00:48,440
♪ Got no sleigh with reindeer
No sack on my back ♪
13
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♪ You're gonna see me comin '
In a big black Cadillac ♪
14
00:00:53,240 --> 00:00:56,881
♪ Whoa, it's Christmas time,
pretty baby ♪
15
00:00:56,960 --> 00:00:59,281
♪ And the snow is falling on the ground ♪
16
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♪ Christmas, Christmas ♪
17
00:01:03,640 --> 00:01:10,171
♪ Well, you be a real good little baby
Santa Claus is back in town ♪
18
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♪ Christmas ♪
19
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What the fuck?
20
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♪ Hang up your pretty stockings
And turn off the light ♪
21
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♪ Down your chimney tonight
Ooh ♪
22
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You think I want this piece of shit?
Fuck you!
23
00:01:27,240 --> 00:01:30,449
♪ And the snow is falling on the ground ♪
24
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- ♪ Well, you be a real good little baby ♪
- Hey, hey, hey!
25
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- Get away!
- Fuck you!
26
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Horny drunk!
27
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♪ Christmas, Christmas, Christmas ♪
28
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♪ Christmas, Christmas ♪
29
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Let's just say my whole life
30
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has been one long fucking
miserable nightmare most of the time.
31
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And pure shit on a good day.
32
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Goddamn it.
33
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Yeah, I guess there have been
a few dull bright spots here and there.
34
00:02:04,120 --> 00:02:05,121
Fuck it.
35
00:02:05,200 --> 00:02:06,936
Like a piece of ass
who didn't look me in the eye
36
00:02:06,960 --> 00:02:09,611
or wanna show me pictures
of her fucking vacation.
37
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Or a good drunk
when I didn't choke on my own vomit.
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- Ah!
- I even almost had a friend once.
39
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Sure, he was a mouth-breathing,
snot dripping 8-year-old
40
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who couldn't find his fat ass
with both hands,
41
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but he was clueless enough to think
42
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I wasn't the worthless piece of shit
everybody else thinks I am.
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Including me.
44
00:02:29,040 --> 00:02:33,568
I also found what was the closest thing
I ever had to an actual girlfriend.
45
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She liked the job I had at the time,
especially while I was in uniform.
46
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Sounds like a happy ending, don't it?
47
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But, you see...
48
00:02:42,480 --> 00:02:44,926
...you can only puke in somebody's lap
so many times
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before the romance takes a shit.
50
00:02:48,400 --> 00:02:51,847
And the kid,
he still creeps around every now and then
51
00:02:51,920 --> 00:02:53,365
and I still chase him off
52
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For his own good.
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So you see, happy endings are bullshit.
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Actually, there aren't such things
as endings at all,
55
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because when some shit gets over with,
56
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some other whole thing starts
that sucks ass.
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Merry fucking Christmas.
58
00:03:17,400 --> 00:03:23,169
♪ Oh, there's no place like home
For the holidays ♪
59
00:03:23,240 --> 00:03:27,723
♪ 'Cause no matter
how far away you roam ♪
60
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♪ When you pine for the sunshine
Of a friendly gaze ♪
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00:03:37,880 --> 00:03:42,602
♪ For the holidays
You can't beat home sweet home ♪
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♪ I met a man who lives in Tennessee ♪
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♪ And he was headin' for Pennsylvania ♪
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♪ And some homemade pumpkin pie ♪
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♪ From Pennsylvania folks are trav'ling ♪
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♪ Down to Dixie's sunny shore ♪
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♪ From Atlantic to Pacific ♪
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♪ Gee, the traffic is terrific ♪
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Goddamn it.
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♪ Oh, there's no place like home
For the holidays ♪
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♪ For the holidays ♪
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♪ You can't beat home sweet home ♪
73
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Willie?
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00:04:45,320 --> 00:04:49,848
Willie? It's me, Thurman.
75
00:04:49,920 --> 00:04:54,323
Willie, what are you doing?
Did you get yourself stuck up there?
76
00:04:58,040 --> 00:05:02,090
Okay, I'll go. But this package
came to my house for you, Willie.
77
00:05:02,160 --> 00:05:04,811
There's a lot of money in it.
And a phone.
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00:05:04,880 --> 00:05:05,961
And a note.
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00:05:09,000 --> 00:05:10,081
What? Chair!
80
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- Chair?
- Chair!
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Chair.
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00:05:15,840 --> 00:05:17,330
Give me the goddamn chair.
83
00:05:19,560 --> 00:05:21,722
Willie, you fell.
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00:05:22,600 --> 00:05:26,685
Goddamn. Are you
a complete fucking retard?
85
00:05:26,760 --> 00:05:30,685
No. The Hungry Hoagies people tested me.
I'm top of the spectrum.
86
00:05:30,760 --> 00:05:32,922
So they made me
a full-time sandwich consultant.
87
00:05:33,000 --> 00:05:36,527
- Well, I'm glad you followed your passion.
- What's that smell?
88
00:05:37,240 --> 00:05:40,130
Is the oven on?
Are you making Hot Pockets?
89
00:05:40,200 --> 00:05:42,328
We do hot sandwiches
at Hungry Hoagies now.
90
00:05:42,400 --> 00:05:44,641
But I always burn my hand
getting them out of oven.
91
00:05:44,720 --> 00:05:47,963
Darlene says I should put butter
on my hand, but that's stupid.
92
00:05:48,040 --> 00:05:51,203
We only put butter on food.
Hand isn't food.
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00:05:52,000 --> 00:05:54,765
♪ Merry Merry Christmas ♪
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♪ Christmas everywhere ♪
95
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♪ Merry Merry Christmas ♪
96
00:06:03,280 --> 00:06:05,362
I know we left on bad terms.
97
00:06:05,440 --> 00:06:08,046
But you gotta understand,
it was only business.
98
00:06:08,120 --> 00:06:09,360
We were partners.
99
00:06:09,440 --> 00:06:12,011
And I broke that sacred bond.
It's not an excuse.
100
00:06:12,080 --> 00:06:13,969
But Lois got all up in my kitchen.
101
00:06:14,040 --> 00:06:17,726
Crazy bitch had me all turned around
with her magical Laotian pussy.
102
00:06:17,800 --> 00:06:21,964
- Don't blame it on the snapper.
- I was pussy-blind. I'm ashamed.
103
00:06:22,040 --> 00:06:25,089
You tried to murder me, you little prick.
Remember that?
104
00:06:25,160 --> 00:06:27,367
And not with some
little nubbin-dick gun,
105
00:06:27,600 --> 00:06:29,682
but with adult
man-sized bullets.
106
00:06:29,760 --> 00:06:33,401
- And now I'm here to make it up to you.
- Why are you even out of the joint anyway?
107
00:06:33,480 --> 00:06:37,007
Some pity case
on account of you're a genetic defect?
108
00:06:37,080 --> 00:06:39,686
You know, they used to
sterilize guys like you.
109
00:06:39,760 --> 00:06:42,764
Keep the world from becoming
some Negro Land of Oz.
110
00:06:42,880 --> 00:06:46,043
Shut the fuck up!
Early release. Overcrowding.
111
00:06:46,120 --> 00:06:48,009
Well, it must've been packed to the gills
112
00:06:48,080 --> 00:06:50,606
if they couldn't cram
your three-foot ass in there.
113
00:06:50,720 --> 00:06:54,691
We got a job, Willie. That two grand
is just to show I'm serious.
114
00:06:54,760 --> 00:06:56,046
Can you still crack a safe?
115
00:06:56,120 --> 00:06:58,361
Or did you get carpal tunnel
from jacking off?
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00:06:58,480 --> 00:07:02,326
- I can crack just fine, thanks.
- I'm talking millions this time.
117
00:07:04,720 --> 00:07:06,563
- Where at?
- Chi-Town.
118
00:07:06,640 --> 00:07:08,563
I thought you were all done
with the gooks.
119
00:07:09,560 --> 00:07:12,245
Chicago, you racist moron fuck!
120
00:07:12,320 --> 00:07:15,244
I got an associate out there
who has got this thing all lined up.
121
00:07:15,320 --> 00:07:18,449
- What associate?
- I'm not at liberty to disclose just yet.
122
00:07:18,520 --> 00:07:20,090
But they know your work.
123
00:07:20,160 --> 00:07:24,085
And they want to bring us in and put us up
in some fine-ass metropolitan digs
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and finance the whole operation.
125
00:07:26,440 --> 00:07:28,329
You're outta your fucking skull.
126
00:07:28,400 --> 00:07:30,528
What are you gonna do?
Try and kill yourself again?
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00:07:30,600 --> 00:07:32,921
That's none of your
goddamn business what I do.
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00:07:33,000 --> 00:07:34,889
Don't let the door hit you in the ass.
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00:07:34,960 --> 00:07:37,804
Or I won't let it hit me in the ass.
Whatever the fuck it is.
130
00:07:37,880 --> 00:07:40,121
Did you
even score once while I was away?
131
00:07:40,680 --> 00:07:42,842
I'm talking two mil here.
132
00:07:42,920 --> 00:07:45,366
That's a lot of fat-ass bitches
and whiskey.
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Fuck you.
134
00:07:49,400 --> 00:07:51,971
Why do you have to go so soon?
We just got back together.
135
00:07:52,040 --> 00:07:54,042
Cut that shit out.
We're not back together.
136
00:07:54,160 --> 00:07:55,496
Guess you don't know what today is.
137
00:07:55,520 --> 00:07:58,603
I don't even know
what fucking year it is, kid.
138
00:07:58,680 --> 00:08:00,569
It's my birthday.
139
00:08:00,640 --> 00:08:03,086
- Today is your fucking birthday?
- Uh-huh.
140
00:08:03,160 --> 00:08:05,242
I'm 21 . Officially a man.
141
00:08:05,320 --> 00:08:09,211
Goddamn. You're 21 already.
That's creepy.
142
00:08:09,280 --> 00:08:12,443
- Are you still gonna pop my cherry?
- Am I gonna what?
143
00:08:13,480 --> 00:08:14,766
No! Fuck no!
144
00:08:15,680 --> 00:08:18,365
But you said that when I was 21
that you'd pop my cherry.
145
00:08:18,440 --> 00:08:21,364
I said I'd get it done by somebody else.
146
00:08:21,440 --> 00:08:25,081
Besides that, I'm a fucking guy.
You didn't turn funny, did you?
147
00:08:25,880 --> 00:08:27,484
Am I funny?
148
00:08:29,120 --> 00:08:31,487
So you haven't done it with anybody yet.
149
00:08:31,560 --> 00:08:34,848
Not a man or a woman
or an animal or anything.
150
00:08:34,920 --> 00:08:36,570
No, I waited for you.
151
00:08:36,640 --> 00:08:41,407
- But surely, you jerked off or...
- You mean masturbate, don't you?
152
00:08:41,480 --> 00:08:44,211
Well, if you wanna be scientific,
yeah, I guess so.
153
00:08:44,280 --> 00:08:45,281
My friend Ronnie says,
154
00:08:45,360 --> 00:08:47,880
it's when you play with your wiener
and think about your mother.
155
00:08:48,280 --> 00:08:51,124
I did it once, but it felt weird.
156
00:08:51,200 --> 00:08:54,443
She's in heaven with God,
you know. Watching me.
157
00:08:56,000 --> 00:09:02,074
Advertise your product or brand here
contact www.OpenSubtitles.org today
158
00:09:04,000 --> 00:09:08,164
Okay, so here's how it's gonna go down.
He's already asked me where his cherry is.
159
00:09:08,240 --> 00:09:10,686
So you could tell him
to put his dick in your purse
160
00:09:10,760 --> 00:09:12,728
and he wouldn't know
any fucking difference.
161
00:09:12,800 --> 00:09:14,882
It's gonna be the easiest 20 bucks
you ever made.
162
00:09:14,960 --> 00:09:17,645
Twenty bucks?
163
00:09:17,720 --> 00:09:19,722
You must be high
on some strong shit, Willie.
164
00:09:19,800 --> 00:09:23,122
A hundred. Or I'm gonna carry my ass
outta this old piece of a room right now.
165
00:09:23,200 --> 00:09:25,646
All right.
Fifty, or I'll just go get your mother.
166
00:09:26,840 --> 00:09:27,841
Sixty.
167
00:09:28,640 --> 00:09:29,641
All right.
168
00:09:29,720 --> 00:09:32,326
And nothing up my ass.
You done took all that, Willie.
169
00:09:32,400 --> 00:09:33,447
Okay.
170
00:09:33,520 --> 00:09:36,444
Well, let's get to it.
I gotta pick up my grandson from ballet.
171
00:09:36,520 --> 00:09:38,921
- Can I fix you a sandwich?
- No.
172
00:09:39,000 --> 00:09:41,844
- I got your sandwich, baby.
- Willie, I made you a sandwich.
173
00:09:41,920 --> 00:09:44,844
I ain't sticking around.
Just give it to Opal after.
174
00:09:44,920 --> 00:09:46,410
Now, listen, here's how it works.
175
00:09:46,520 --> 00:09:49,683
She's gonna pull her rig off.
And she's gonna get on all fours.
176
00:09:49,760 --> 00:09:53,003
Now, you stand behind her
and drop your rig.
177
00:09:53,080 --> 00:09:56,846
Then, you're gonna see something that
looks like some kind of Japanese food.
178
00:09:56,920 --> 00:10:00,003
It ain't, so don't eat it.
That's the bulls-eye.
179
00:10:00,120 --> 00:10:02,771
Then you just start tugging
on your little soldier.
180
00:10:02,840 --> 00:10:05,411
Wait till he gets to attention,
then poke him in there.
181
00:10:05,480 --> 00:10:08,051
Keep poking it in there till he spits up.
182
00:10:08,120 --> 00:10:09,336
You're gonna need a raincoat.
183
00:10:09,360 --> 00:10:11,727
She'll have one,
so don't worry about that.
184
00:10:11,840 --> 00:10:15,242
As soon as you're done,
run to the bathroom, wash your crotch.
185
00:10:15,320 --> 00:10:18,688
That way, you don't wake up wondering
why you got oatmeal in your carpet.
186
00:10:18,760 --> 00:10:21,206
Breathe through your mouth
so that you don't puke.
187
00:10:21,280 --> 00:10:24,887
Shouldn't be a problem for you.
You got it?
188
00:10:24,960 --> 00:10:27,406
- You got 60 bucks?
- No.
189
00:10:27,520 --> 00:10:29,329
- What you got?
- I have $20.
190
00:10:29,440 --> 00:10:30,771
Keep it down.
191
00:10:31,560 --> 00:10:35,167
- I have 20.
- Give it to her after.
192
00:10:36,760 --> 00:10:38,888
- Later, Opal.
- Mm-hmm.
193
00:10:38,960 --> 00:10:40,689
Come on, baby. Come on.
194
00:10:40,760 --> 00:10:43,969
Get a bite of this pumpernickel bread.
195
00:10:45,080 --> 00:10:47,606
Damn it, Willie. Hurry up!
We're gonna miss our train.
196
00:10:47,680 --> 00:10:50,047
You see me walking backwards, asshole?
I'm coming.
197
00:10:51,000 --> 00:10:53,446
Kid, get over here
and take your pants off.
198
00:10:53,520 --> 00:10:55,284
No!
199
00:10:58,080 --> 00:11:00,686
Ah, fuck.
200
00:11:00,760 --> 00:11:04,162
♪ Sleigh bells ring
Are you listening? ♪
201
00:11:04,240 --> 00:11:08,040
♪ In the lane snow is glistening ♪
202
00:11:08,120 --> 00:11:12,330
♪ A beautiful sight
We're happy tonight ♪
203
00:11:12,440 --> 00:11:15,523
♪ Walking in a winter wonderland ♪
204
00:11:15,600 --> 00:11:22,245
♪ Gone away is the bluebird
In his place is a new bird ♪
205
00:11:22,320 --> 00:11:24,243
Here's your ID.
206
00:11:27,160 --> 00:11:30,243
- "Randall Cook"?
- What the fuck wrong with that?
207
00:11:30,320 --> 00:11:32,527
Randall sounds Irish.
I want something whiter.
208
00:11:32,600 --> 00:11:35,604
I'm Davis, you're Cook.
End of fucking story.
209
00:11:35,680 --> 00:11:38,604
You got one job this time. Open a safe.
210
00:11:38,680 --> 00:11:42,446
Till then, just keep your drunken
deviant fucking mouth shut.
211
00:11:43,720 --> 00:11:46,087
You know what you need?
You need some pussy.
212
00:11:46,160 --> 00:11:48,561
I'll see if I can find you
a cat somewhere.
213
00:11:54,720 --> 00:11:56,290
Put that shit away.
214
00:11:58,120 --> 00:12:00,691
"Giving City Foundation.
215
00:12:00,760 --> 00:12:03,331
Bringing food and shelter
to those in need."
216
00:12:03,400 --> 00:12:05,926
Hold the fucking phone.
217
00:12:06,000 --> 00:12:09,721
I traveled all the way across the country
to rob a goddamn charity?
218
00:12:09,800 --> 00:12:11,450
Why? You got a problem with that?
219
00:12:11,520 --> 00:12:13,602
Yeah, you damn right
I got a problem with it.
220
00:12:15,600 --> 00:12:17,568
No way these assholes
have 2 million bucks.
221
00:12:17,640 --> 00:12:20,291
Will you keep it down, man. Moron.
222
00:12:21,080 --> 00:12:22,206
I don't know.
223
00:12:25,760 --> 00:12:29,287
- I see they made you some chairs already.
- Fuck you.
224
00:12:34,280 --> 00:12:37,045
He's Cook. I'm Davis.
We're here for the orientation.
225
00:12:37,960 --> 00:12:41,169
Empty your pockets.
Place any metal items in the tray.
226
00:12:44,840 --> 00:12:47,207
What's that?
227
00:12:48,440 --> 00:12:50,283
- Cough medicine.
- Let me see that.
228
00:12:55,920 --> 00:12:59,288
That's a level three contraband.
I'm gonna have to compensate that.
229
00:12:59,360 --> 00:13:00,885
The fuck you are.
230
00:13:00,960 --> 00:13:04,806
All right, big shot.
You can stay out here with your GD flask.
231
00:13:04,880 --> 00:13:07,929
- We'll get it on the way out.
- Gina!
232
00:13:08,000 --> 00:13:09,896
Show these boys to the line-up.
They're late.
233
00:13:09,920 --> 00:13:12,287
Meeting started ten minutes ago.
234
00:13:12,360 --> 00:13:14,761
But I think I can sneak you guys in.
Come on.
235
00:13:28,200 --> 00:13:32,046
- Hey, Diane! I got two more.
- Come on in, fellas.
236
00:13:32,120 --> 00:13:34,600
- Goddamn.
- That's Diane Hastings.
237
00:13:34,680 --> 00:13:36,170
She and her husband run the joint.
238
00:13:36,240 --> 00:13:38,536
So like I was saying,
finish filling out these forms
239
00:13:38,560 --> 00:13:41,370
and you can drop them off
at the front desk, please.
240
00:13:41,440 --> 00:13:44,250
And then, you can go to the common room
and pick up your uniforms.
241
00:13:44,320 --> 00:13:47,085
I bet that pussy got lips
like an orangutan.
242
00:13:48,880 --> 00:13:52,771
- Excuse me, Mr...
- Um, Cook. Randall Cook.
243
00:13:52,840 --> 00:13:55,730
- What's up?
- Have you been drinking?
244
00:13:56,760 --> 00:13:59,491
Uh, I don't know. Some vodka...
245
00:13:59,560 --> 00:14:02,769
Because we don't allow alcohol
or drugs of any kind at Giving City.
246
00:14:02,840 --> 00:14:03,921
Why's that?
247
00:14:04,000 --> 00:14:08,403
You may not be aware of this, Mr. Cook,
but we're a charity.
248
00:14:08,480 --> 00:14:10,496
When you walk out those doors,
you're representing us.
249
00:14:10,520 --> 00:14:14,445
- So please try and make us look good.
- Oh, we'll make you look great.
250
00:14:14,520 --> 00:14:16,602
- Promise.
- Yeah.
251
00:14:17,960 --> 00:14:19,166
Mmm.
252
00:14:20,680 --> 00:14:21,681
A hard-on?
253
00:14:21,760 --> 00:14:23,125
You sick fuck.
254
00:14:23,200 --> 00:14:25,248
I'm the one that's been in prison
for ten years.
255
00:14:25,320 --> 00:14:27,766
It's just a semi.
Don't get all bent out of shape.
256
00:14:27,840 --> 00:14:29,410
Shut the fuck up.
257
00:14:29,480 --> 00:14:31,289
Ho, ho, ho. What's up, Santas?
258
00:14:31,360 --> 00:14:32,771
Hey, don't forget to remind people,
259
00:14:32,840 --> 00:14:35,296
if they don't have cash,
they can always text in their donation.
260
00:14:35,320 --> 00:14:37,368
Give me some. Yeah.
261
00:14:37,480 --> 00:14:39,687
Hey, Di. Is it the midget
that's fully proportional?
262
00:14:39,760 --> 00:14:41,256
- Or is it the dwarf?
- Regent.
263
00:14:41,280 --> 00:14:42,456
- What?
- You can't say that word.
264
00:14:42,480 --> 00:14:44,482
Hey, I'm gonna be home
late again tonight.
265
00:14:44,560 --> 00:14:46,528
End-of-the-year accounting stuff.
266
00:14:46,600 --> 00:14:48,329
See you, babe.
267
00:14:49,120 --> 00:14:50,816
Thank you
for helping us out again.
268
00:14:50,840 --> 00:14:52,683
Goddamn it.
269
00:14:52,760 --> 00:14:54,410
Sir? This way, please.
270
00:14:54,480 --> 00:14:56,801
Yeah, yeah, yeah. I get it.
Don't be touching me.
271
00:14:56,880 --> 00:14:59,360
- Merry Christmas.
- Yeah, whatever.
272
00:14:59,440 --> 00:15:00,771
Lying little fuck.
273
00:15:00,840 --> 00:15:03,366
You didn't tell me I'd have to get
in the fucking suit again.
274
00:15:03,440 --> 00:15:07,286
I thought it would be a bonus.
And I just wanna remind you of something.
275
00:15:07,360 --> 00:15:10,728
It's Christmas.
A time for forgiveness. For family.
276
00:15:10,800 --> 00:15:12,564
I'm gonna remind you to fuck yourself.
277
00:15:12,680 --> 00:15:15,365
Ronald Davis.
I was told you have a suit to fit me.
278
00:15:15,440 --> 00:15:18,444
Oh, yes. I have it right here.
279
00:15:19,480 --> 00:15:23,451
No. I need a Santa suit.
This is an elf suit.
280
00:15:23,520 --> 00:15:25,124
I'm supposed to be a Santa.
281
00:15:25,200 --> 00:15:28,761
Oh, sorry about the confusion.
That's all we have in your size.
282
00:15:28,840 --> 00:15:35,200
Uh, I do have a gingerbread man costume
in a child's large, if you prefer.
283
00:15:35,280 --> 00:15:36,770
I guess there is a God.
284
00:15:36,840 --> 00:15:38,729
Step right up. Don't be shy.
285
00:15:38,800 --> 00:15:42,850
Shitstick! What's it been?
Fifteen years? Twen...
286
00:15:45,200 --> 00:15:50,411
Well, one thing hasn't changed.
You still hit like your fucking father.
287
00:15:50,480 --> 00:15:54,041
Fucking associate. No goddamn way.
288
00:15:55,520 --> 00:15:58,603
Not working with that poison bitch.
Never again.
289
00:15:58,680 --> 00:16:00,808
You tricked me, you little shithole!
290
00:16:00,880 --> 00:16:02,120
You know fucking well you did.
291
00:16:02,160 --> 00:16:04,401
But I thought your dad
was the one you hated.
292
00:16:04,480 --> 00:16:08,007
I hate him more than anything
in the goddamn world! Except her.
293
00:16:09,800 --> 00:16:11,689
Willie, stop! Willie!
294
00:16:12,760 --> 00:16:15,730
Okay, shitstick, just give me back
the money for the train ticket,
295
00:16:15,800 --> 00:16:16,881
then we're square.
296
00:16:16,960 --> 00:16:20,851
Or you could do your dumb-ass self a favor,
at least hear me out before you quit.
297
00:16:25,760 --> 00:16:28,411
Boy, you been selling
your blood for booze?
298
00:16:28,560 --> 00:16:32,121
You look like a fucking albino scarecrow.
299
00:16:32,200 --> 00:16:35,568
Anyway, still good to see you.
300
00:16:35,680 --> 00:16:37,842
Uh, I can't say I feel the same.
301
00:16:39,880 --> 00:16:42,326
Goddamn, what a shit hole.
302
00:16:42,400 --> 00:16:45,131
- You conned me, you little prick.
- Fuck you!
303
00:16:45,200 --> 00:16:48,090
Make yourselves at home.
Bedroom's mine.
304
00:16:48,160 --> 00:16:51,926
That sofa folds out,
so you guys can fight over that.
305
00:16:52,000 --> 00:16:53,843
I got chicken feet in the fridge.
306
00:16:54,600 --> 00:16:58,650
- So that's what smells like nut sack.
- Boy, have a beer.
307
00:17:00,000 --> 00:17:03,607
- I even got minis for the midget.
- Don't you ever fucking call me that.
308
00:17:03,680 --> 00:17:07,241
Hey, listen, little man,
I don't speak politically correct,
309
00:17:07,320 --> 00:17:10,722
so if you got a problem with that,
you take it up with the Lollipop Guild.
310
00:17:10,840 --> 00:17:14,401
Shut the hell up!
Just break it down for him, Sunny.
311
00:17:14,480 --> 00:17:16,801
I'll break it down, all right.
312
00:17:16,880 --> 00:17:20,089
Giving City is a charity
at 98 cents every dollar
313
00:17:20,160 --> 00:17:22,003
goes to this A-hole at the top.
314
00:17:22,080 --> 00:17:23,605
Regent Hastings.
315
00:17:23,680 --> 00:17:26,763
He takes in tens of thousands
in donations,
316
00:17:26,840 --> 00:17:29,411
and he squirrels them away
in an offshore account.
317
00:17:29,480 --> 00:17:33,929
- And how are you supposed to get it?
- You mean, how are we supposed to get it?
318
00:17:34,000 --> 00:17:38,403
These little buckets here,
they're filled with cash,
319
00:17:38,480 --> 00:17:40,005
up to the brim, every day.
320
00:17:40,120 --> 00:17:44,523
And then at night, they store that cash
in the safe in Regent's office.
321
00:17:44,600 --> 00:17:47,809
And that's our target. Right here.
322
00:17:47,920 --> 00:17:50,241
Christmas Eve,
they have a big charity concert.
323
00:17:50,320 --> 00:17:52,482
So while the kids and volunteers
are all singing,
324
00:17:52,560 --> 00:17:55,723
the money's just sitting there,
waiting for an armored transfer.
325
00:17:55,800 --> 00:18:00,203
That's our take window.
Last year, the haul was almost 2 mil.
326
00:18:00,280 --> 00:18:03,648
- And how do you know all this shit?
- Because I work there, dumb-ass.
327
00:18:03,720 --> 00:18:06,336
It's a part of my release from the joint.
I've been there 3 months.
328
00:18:06,360 --> 00:18:08,647
Just did a little digging,
a little Googling,
329
00:18:08,720 --> 00:18:11,883
a dry hand job to Isaac
in Accounting. Boom.
330
00:18:11,960 --> 00:18:13,883
The concert's in five days.
331
00:18:13,960 --> 00:18:16,804
Meantime, we wear the suit,
hit the pavement,
332
00:18:16,880 --> 00:18:19,016
we ring the bell,
just like the rest of the volunteers.
333
00:18:19,040 --> 00:18:20,326
All right.
334
00:18:20,400 --> 00:18:23,847
Well, it looks to me like you jackals
already got the whole job figured out.
335
00:18:23,920 --> 00:18:26,730
What do you need me for?
You can crack a fucking safe.
336
00:18:27,440 --> 00:18:29,960
Well, I'd like to say
it's because I've missed you, my angel.
337
00:18:30,000 --> 00:18:33,447
But I got a touch of the Parkinson's
and my hearing ain't what it used to be,
338
00:18:33,520 --> 00:18:35,363
so I'm gonna need you on the safe.
339
00:18:35,440 --> 00:18:37,568
Mmm.
340
00:18:37,640 --> 00:18:41,201
And when do you pull your little
Roy Rogers pistol out on me again?
341
00:18:41,280 --> 00:18:44,329
I said I was sorry.
You gotta let that shit go, Willie!
342
00:18:44,400 --> 00:18:46,323
No, I think I'll hang on to it.
343
00:18:46,400 --> 00:18:47,970
Oh, Christ.
344
00:18:48,040 --> 00:18:50,646
If I cut ties with every numbnut
who tried to shoot me,
345
00:18:51,040 --> 00:18:52,576
I never would've gotten pregnant with you.
346
00:18:52,600 --> 00:18:56,605
Come on, boy.
Be just like old times.
347
00:18:56,680 --> 00:18:58,330
- Old times?
- Mm-hmm.
348
00:18:58,400 --> 00:19:01,882
You mean a living fucking nightmare?
Why didn't you say so? I'm in.
349
00:19:02,680 --> 00:19:05,286
You gotta be shitting me.
Good luck with the shakes.
350
00:19:05,360 --> 00:19:09,331
Willie, come on.
Just give it a chance.
351
00:19:17,880 --> 00:19:20,326
What, you don't trust your mother?
352
00:19:20,400 --> 00:19:22,801
Yeah, I trust her
about as far as I can throw you.
353
00:19:22,880 --> 00:19:25,201
And I trust you
about as far as I can throw her.
354
00:19:25,280 --> 00:19:26,930
Come on, Willie, I need this.
355
00:19:27,000 --> 00:19:30,561
And I know your sorry ass does too.
Look at you, man.
356
00:19:41,920 --> 00:19:44,810
Okay, if you want me in on this,
it's you and me against her.
357
00:19:44,880 --> 00:19:46,325
You got it?
358
00:19:46,400 --> 00:19:49,847
She don't get a fucking nickel
of what's in that safe. Get me?
359
00:19:49,920 --> 00:19:53,527
- We'll cut her out after the grab.
- Damn right.
360
00:20:00,760 --> 00:20:05,448
I knew you couldn't stay away.
You always were your mama's boy.
361
00:20:05,520 --> 00:20:08,126
You just pipe down
about the family stuff, okay?
362
00:20:08,200 --> 00:20:10,521
I'm in this for the dough, period.
You get me?
363
00:20:10,600 --> 00:20:13,331
Well, it's starting to feel
like Christmas.
364
00:20:14,840 --> 00:20:17,047
Spare some change.
365
00:20:17,120 --> 00:20:19,930
Think about somebody
besides your fucking selves.
366
00:20:20,000 --> 00:20:22,651
We gotta get eyes on that safe.
Need to know the make.
367
00:20:22,720 --> 00:20:25,291
Now you're asking
the right questions, shitstick.
368
00:20:25,360 --> 00:20:27,408
The trash chute's the best way in.
369
00:20:27,480 --> 00:20:29,216
I'm gonna need a hand
getting into position.
370
00:20:29,240 --> 00:20:31,925
Recon. Good. We'll go tonight.
371
00:20:33,080 --> 00:20:35,242
Look at those cheeks!
372
00:20:36,800 --> 00:20:39,280
That's the ugliest fucking baby
on the planet.
373
00:20:39,360 --> 00:20:42,011
I guess the abortion didn't take.
374
00:20:42,080 --> 00:20:46,483
Well, bless your heart.
Cheap little fucker.
375
00:20:46,560 --> 00:20:48,528
Fucking dimes? Are you shitting me?
376
00:20:48,640 --> 00:20:51,644
- This ain't no strip joint.
- What a fucking Sokes family.
377
00:20:51,720 --> 00:20:54,326
This is what happens
when you screw your cousins.
378
00:20:54,440 --> 00:20:56,522
I taught this muskrat everything he knows.
379
00:20:56,600 --> 00:21:00,400
- Well, you don't know shit, then, do you?
- Hey, listen, before we had midget...
380
00:21:01,320 --> 00:21:04,324
Excuse me... little people, we had Willie.
381
00:21:04,400 --> 00:21:07,643
He was my original elf.
Remember those times, Willie?
382
00:21:07,720 --> 00:21:10,007
There ain't enough booze to forget it.
383
00:21:10,120 --> 00:21:13,329
Well, he'd get panic attacks.
It was embarrassing.
384
00:21:13,400 --> 00:21:17,166
I had to make him stay outside
when I was turning a trick or bowling.
385
00:21:17,240 --> 00:21:20,084
Wait a fucking minute,
you were embarrassed?
386
00:21:20,160 --> 00:21:23,323
Isn't that kind of like the pot
calling the other cot a fuck kettle,
387
00:21:23,400 --> 00:21:25,176
- or whatever it was?
- What the fuck you say?
388
00:21:25,200 --> 00:21:27,567
He's home-schooled.
389
00:21:31,840 --> 00:21:33,365
I need a refill.
390
00:21:33,440 --> 00:21:37,161
- And another fucking corner.
- Stop it, Willie.
391
00:21:37,240 --> 00:21:40,005
What? We're gonna steal this shit
any fucking way. Who cares?
392
00:21:40,080 --> 00:21:42,890
But if we get fired,
we got no access to the building.
393
00:21:42,960 --> 00:21:46,123
And if we got no access to the building,
we got no access to the safe.
394
00:21:46,240 --> 00:21:47,924
And if we got no access to the safe,
395
00:21:48,000 --> 00:21:52,449
there's no reason for me to be standing
out here, freezing my fucking nuts off.
396
00:21:52,520 --> 00:21:54,056
You mean your nuts
haven't been scraped off
397
00:21:54,080 --> 00:21:56,560
because they're so low
to the ground already?
398
00:21:56,640 --> 00:21:58,608
You know every time you're passed out,
399
00:21:58,680 --> 00:22:01,081
I lay them on your forehead
and take a picture of it.
400
00:22:01,160 --> 00:22:04,243
I got a whole Instagram of that shit
of me tea-bagging you.
401
00:22:04,320 --> 00:22:07,847
Four thousand followers and counting,
motherfucker. Ha-ha!
402
00:22:09,200 --> 00:22:11,496
Well, knock yourselves out.
I'm getting the fuck out of here.
403
00:22:11,520 --> 00:22:13,727
Aw, come on,
we're having family time here.
404
00:22:13,800 --> 00:22:17,725
He's always been too goddamn soft.
Probably because he was born early.
405
00:22:17,800 --> 00:22:21,361
Hell, I didn't even know
I'd given birth until I tripped over him.
406
00:22:26,800 --> 00:22:28,848
- Hello.
- Hi, Willie.
407
00:22:28,920 --> 00:22:30,490
Kid, how'd you get my number?
408
00:22:30,560 --> 00:22:31,936
The cherry pop lady
gave it to me.
409
00:22:31,960 --> 00:22:32,961
Oh, Jesus.
410
00:22:33,080 --> 00:22:35,765
I cleaned your apartment, Willie.
And I fed your insects.
411
00:22:35,840 --> 00:22:37,330
They're getting really big.
412
00:22:37,400 --> 00:22:38,976
Do you want me to get you
a Christmas tree?
413
00:22:39,000 --> 00:22:42,288
- What? Why would I want a tree?
- So we can spend Christmas together.
414
00:22:42,360 --> 00:22:44,240
I'm in fucking Chicago, kid.
415
00:22:44,920 --> 00:22:46,520
So you're not coming back for Christmas?
416
00:22:46,560 --> 00:22:50,770
- No, I'm not coming home for Christmas.
- Chicago's in the Midwest, Willie.
417
00:22:50,840 --> 00:22:52,416
They have Hungry Hoagies there too.
418
00:22:52,440 --> 00:22:54,568
Well, good.
I'll tell them you said hello, okay?
419
00:22:54,640 --> 00:22:56,768
Except I don't know anyone
at that Hungry Hoagies.
420
00:22:56,840 --> 00:22:59,096
All right, listen, you gotta quit
fucking calling me, okay?
421
00:22:59,120 --> 00:23:01,691
- You're burning my minutes.
- But what if it's an emergency?
422
00:23:01,760 --> 00:23:03,888
Fine! If it's an emergency,
call me, all right?
423
00:23:03,960 --> 00:23:06,008
Otherwise, leave me the fuck alone, okay?
424
00:23:06,080 --> 00:23:08,128
Okay. I'll only call if it's an emergency.
425
00:23:08,760 --> 00:23:10,330
Bye.
426
00:23:13,320 --> 00:23:19,362
♪ It's the most wonderful time
of the year ♪
427
00:23:19,440 --> 00:23:23,047
Okay, feed the kids.
Come on. Give it up.
428
00:23:23,120 --> 00:23:25,282
You've seen them babies with beer bellies.
429
00:23:25,360 --> 00:23:29,251
Ho, ho! Come on, you got Jesus
and the lambikins watching over you,
430
00:23:29,320 --> 00:23:31,243
checking their list twice.
431
00:23:31,320 --> 00:23:33,527
Here you go, lady,
how about a little money?
432
00:23:33,640 --> 00:23:35,736
You know what,
you'd better hope the orphans don't riot.
433
00:23:35,760 --> 00:23:37,649
They'll eat your fat ass
right off the bat.
434
00:23:37,720 --> 00:23:40,769
You know, a lot of these kids
don't got any arms and legs and shit.
435
00:23:40,840 --> 00:23:42,696
You're lucky. See, ma'am?
Yours got all their parts.
436
00:23:42,720 --> 00:23:45,883
- There you go.
- There you go. Thank you. See you later.
437
00:23:45,960 --> 00:23:47,736
- Damn. Mama ain't bad.
- Whoa!
438
00:23:47,760 --> 00:23:50,650
Whoa-ho-ho! My spot.
439
00:23:51,680 --> 00:23:53,409
You are standing on my spot.
440
00:23:53,480 --> 00:23:56,120
Really? That's funny, I don't see
your fucking name on it anywhere.
441
00:23:56,160 --> 00:23:58,367
Well, in fairness,
I did leave it unattended,
442
00:23:58,440 --> 00:24:01,762
but that's only because
I had to run off to the little boys' room.
443
00:24:01,840 --> 00:24:03,776
What are you,
a fucking game show host or something?
444
00:24:03,800 --> 00:24:06,326
- Dial it back a notch.
- But now I am back.
445
00:24:06,400 --> 00:24:08,846
Ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho!
446
00:24:08,920 --> 00:24:11,048
'Tis the season of giving!
447
00:24:11,120 --> 00:24:15,842
And if you don't have cash,
you can always text XMAS 999...
448
00:24:15,920 --> 00:24:19,208
Bullshit. No fucking way.
Fucking cash only.
449
00:24:19,280 --> 00:24:20,645
- Ten dollars or more.
- Okay.
450
00:24:20,720 --> 00:24:22,256
Hundreds are better. What?
451
00:24:22,280 --> 00:24:24,965
I am going to have to ask you
to watch your language
452
00:24:25,040 --> 00:24:26,690
when you're representing the suit.
453
00:24:26,760 --> 00:24:29,650
And I'm going to have to ask you
to suck my fucking dick.
454
00:24:29,720 --> 00:24:30,801
I'm warning you.
455
00:24:30,880 --> 00:24:35,568
Nothing and no one is getting in the way
of me spreading my joy!
456
00:24:35,640 --> 00:24:36,846
Ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho!
457
00:24:36,920 --> 00:24:39,127
You know what,
I think you're some kind of pervert
458
00:24:39,200 --> 00:24:42,204
and you're afraid I'm muscling in
on your fucking fondle territory.
459
00:24:42,280 --> 00:24:46,205
- That's what I think.
- I see what's going on here. Yes, I see.
460
00:24:46,280 --> 00:24:48,089
- You are hurting inside.
- Is that right?
461
00:24:48,160 --> 00:24:50,208
And there's only one thing
that can change that.
462
00:24:50,280 --> 00:24:52,248
- Yeah? What's that?
- A hug.
463
00:24:52,320 --> 00:24:54,416
- Are you out of your goddamn mind?
- A hug from Santa!
464
00:24:54,440 --> 00:24:56,169
No, I don't need
no fucking hug from Santa.
465
00:24:56,240 --> 00:24:58,641
- Let go of me, motherfucker.
- Melt all that stress away!
466
00:24:58,720 --> 00:25:00,085
Would you cool it, pal?
467
00:25:00,160 --> 00:25:02,176
You're scaring all the kids away.
You know what I mean?
468
00:25:02,200 --> 00:25:04,521
You are a fucking pedophile!
469
00:25:06,680 --> 00:25:08,364
- Let go of me.
- Aw!
470
00:25:08,440 --> 00:25:10,408
Fuck!
471
00:25:10,480 --> 00:25:13,484
- Ooh!
- Fucking asshole!
472
00:25:13,560 --> 00:25:16,211
Fucking shit.
473
00:25:16,280 --> 00:25:18,123
Fucking asshole.
474
00:25:18,200 --> 00:25:21,204
This guy's a pedophiliac, here,
and he's after all your kids.
475
00:25:21,280 --> 00:25:23,056
You better get out of here.
476
00:25:23,080 --> 00:25:27,927
You fucking perverted fucking asshole!
477
00:25:29,480 --> 00:25:31,130
What the fuck?
Hang on a second.
478
00:25:31,200 --> 00:25:34,568
He's the fucking kid diddler, not me.
I'm a hero!
479
00:25:39,320 --> 00:25:43,006
- Sure you won't die up there?
- I've done smaller spaces, trust me.
480
00:25:43,080 --> 00:25:47,847
Well, if you don't make it, son,
I got a cigar box, make a nice casket.
481
00:25:47,920 --> 00:25:49,649
Who you calling "son"?
482
00:25:49,720 --> 00:25:52,600
Well, I'm proud to say that my pussy
is color-blind, so you never know.
483
00:25:52,920 --> 00:25:53,967
Oh!
484
00:25:55,640 --> 00:25:59,850
Whoa! You go, little sperm.
Get up in there.
485
00:26:01,520 --> 00:26:03,887
Well, you don't see
something like that every day.
486
00:26:13,800 --> 00:26:17,486
Ow! Bottles! Recycle that shit!
487
00:26:18,480 --> 00:26:23,088
Oh! What the fuck is tha... Oh, shit! No!
488
00:26:31,440 --> 00:26:32,771
Hey.
489
00:26:34,800 --> 00:26:37,565
I always wanted to fuck me a Santa.
490
00:26:37,640 --> 00:26:40,610
Well, I always wanted to shit
on a tattooed dick
491
00:26:40,680 --> 00:26:42,523
so we're perfect for each other.
492
00:26:43,880 --> 00:26:47,771
- Cook, let's go.
- See you in my dreams, chief.
493
00:26:50,280 --> 00:26:51,691
Thank you.
494
00:26:53,000 --> 00:26:55,162
You're not the first volunteer
to go off the rails.
495
00:26:55,240 --> 00:26:58,005
Lucky for you, Giving City
has a high standing in the community,
496
00:26:58,080 --> 00:26:59,366
so you won't get charged.
497
00:27:00,720 --> 00:27:02,848
You can turn in your suit
when you clean yourself up.
498
00:27:02,920 --> 00:27:05,161
Now, hang on a second. You're firing me?
499
00:27:05,240 --> 00:27:07,527
I rooted out a pervert.
500
00:27:07,600 --> 00:27:09,841
You should be throwing me
a fucking parade.
501
00:27:09,920 --> 00:27:13,003
And we're very grateful.
But you reek of whiskey.
502
00:27:13,080 --> 00:27:15,162
You know the rules
and you're flouting them.
503
00:27:15,240 --> 00:27:16,480
Flouting?
504
00:27:16,560 --> 00:27:20,531
I never sucked jizz out of nobody's ass.
I mean, with a straw.
505
00:27:20,600 --> 00:27:22,841
I believe that's felching.
506
00:27:22,920 --> 00:27:24,729
Not that I would know.
507
00:27:24,800 --> 00:27:30,409
Uh, happy holidays, Mr. Cook.
Consider your freedom a gift from me.
508
00:27:31,200 --> 00:27:36,240
Well, hang on a second. Hang on!
I only had one drink.
509
00:27:36,320 --> 00:27:39,642
And that was just to keep warm out there.
I'm freezing my nuts off.
510
00:27:39,760 --> 00:27:42,809
And if we're being honest here,
you, you guys should be supplying us
511
00:27:42,880 --> 00:27:45,201
with some kind of electric underwear
or some shit.
512
00:27:45,280 --> 00:27:50,605
Oh, well, if we're being honest,
I don't like being lied to.
513
00:27:50,680 --> 00:27:54,844
- Please. I need this.
- Why do you care so much?
514
00:27:54,920 --> 00:27:59,881
Why do I care? Why do I care.
515
00:28:01,440 --> 00:28:05,411
I'll tell you why I care.
Because the world's a fucking shit hole.
516
00:28:05,480 --> 00:28:08,484
But when I put this suit on,
I feel like...
517
00:28:08,560 --> 00:28:13,009
Well, I feel like General MacArthur
must have felt when he put his uniform on
518
00:28:13,080 --> 00:28:14,809
and went and killed all them Filipinos.
519
00:28:14,920 --> 00:28:17,844
Look, I, I put up with
a lot of shit from kids...
520
00:28:17,920 --> 00:28:23,927
For the kids.
I won't piss on the suit. I really won't.
521
00:28:24,000 --> 00:28:27,243
I mean, give a broke-dick
motherfucker a chance, will you?
522
00:28:28,640 --> 00:28:33,282
Fine. I'll give you a second chance.
If you give me a chance to help you.
523
00:28:34,880 --> 00:28:36,291
All right.
524
00:29:14,680 --> 00:29:16,330
How we looking, Alice?
525
00:29:16,440 --> 00:29:17,885
Well, according to this report,
526
00:29:17,960 --> 00:29:20,531
Giving City's gonna lose
a record amount of money this year.
527
00:29:20,600 --> 00:29:23,285
Ugh, every time you say that,
my dick gets so hard.
528
00:29:23,360 --> 00:29:26,045
- Okay.
- Hey, why don't we just do it right now.
529
00:29:26,120 --> 00:29:27,531
- Come on.
- No.
530
00:29:27,600 --> 00:29:29,520
I'll up your commission
to five percent.
531
00:29:29,560 --> 00:29:32,291
Make it ten, and I'll let you do
that thing with my shoe.
532
00:29:32,360 --> 00:29:34,283
Both shoes. And you have to watch.
533
00:29:34,360 --> 00:29:36,681
Deal.
534
00:29:39,560 --> 00:29:42,928
- You can't smoke here, sir.
- So call the fucking law.
535
00:29:43,000 --> 00:29:45,048
And while they're rolling
their fat asses down here,
536
00:29:45,120 --> 00:29:47,930
I'll be smoking like an old Buick,
all right?
537
00:29:49,800 --> 00:29:53,327
Arrested? Christ! William.
538
00:29:53,400 --> 00:29:57,086
- Not arrested. I was detained.
- Yeah. Shot of gin.
539
00:29:58,520 --> 00:30:02,491
What were you thinking?
You could have fucked this whole thing up.
540
00:30:02,560 --> 00:30:04,369
- I handled it.
- Mmm.
541
00:30:04,440 --> 00:30:06,488
Told her I'd go to an AA meeting with her.
542
00:30:06,560 --> 00:30:11,361
Don't buy their shit, William.
No such thing as an alcoholic.
543
00:30:12,280 --> 00:30:13,850
Just a sign of a weak liver.
544
00:30:13,920 --> 00:30:16,651
I said I fucking handled it.
What are you, deaf?
545
00:30:16,720 --> 00:30:20,167
Well, you talk like you have a cock
in your mouth, shitstick.
546
00:30:21,720 --> 00:30:24,041
Hey, you know why we call him "shitstick"?
547
00:30:24,760 --> 00:30:27,650
Because even when he was a baby,
he tried to butt-fuck everything.
548
00:30:27,760 --> 00:30:31,003
- Goddamn it.
- Stuffed monkey, neighbor's dog.
549
00:30:31,080 --> 00:30:34,402
I'm telling you,
if it had a butt, he'd try to fuck it.
550
00:30:34,480 --> 00:30:36,528
He's with his little nub, going.
551
00:30:39,560 --> 00:30:43,246
Anyway, I think you ought to be working
the sexual angle with her,
552
00:30:43,360 --> 00:30:46,682
because I know for a fact
that that husband isn't getting it done.
553
00:30:46,760 --> 00:30:48,728
That guy never rocked a clit in his life.
554
00:30:48,800 --> 00:30:52,327
And that is one piece of motherly advice
I hope you took to heart.
555
00:30:52,400 --> 00:30:56,246
You motorboat that O-button
till she's speaking in tongues.
556
00:30:57,160 --> 00:31:02,200
- You know what "son" means, right?
- When did you turn into such a pussy?
557
00:31:05,040 --> 00:31:08,931
- Don't worry, I'm fine.
- I'm not worried.
558
00:31:09,000 --> 00:31:11,924
I just don't want you hacking up
your lung in my drink, okay?
559
00:31:12,000 --> 00:31:15,846
Not a chance.
Nah, this chassis' built to last.
560
00:31:15,920 --> 00:31:19,288
You know,
I smoked two packs of menthols a day,
561
00:31:19,360 --> 00:31:21,488
washed it down with a liter of this gin...
562
00:31:22,320 --> 00:31:26,166
And I could still fill that shot glass
with this man's jizz.
563
00:31:26,880 --> 00:31:32,011
- I said I don't give a shit, okay?
- Fine. I get it. You're mad at me.
564
00:31:32,080 --> 00:31:34,924
You think I was really ready
to be a mom at 13?
565
00:31:35,000 --> 00:31:37,890
Huh? We were gonna wait
at least another year.
566
00:31:38,000 --> 00:31:40,401
I mean, the one time
your son of a bitch father
567
00:31:40,480 --> 00:31:43,131
didn't put it in my ass,
I had to go and get pregnant.
568
00:31:43,200 --> 00:31:46,602
- Shit happens.
- That's fucking beautiful.
569
00:31:46,680 --> 00:31:49,411
Look, I'm not gonna pretend
I was a perfect mother.
570
00:31:49,480 --> 00:31:50,481
Yeah, no shit.
571
00:31:50,560 --> 00:31:54,201
You made me take the fall for you
when I was 11.
572
00:31:54,280 --> 00:31:56,726
Well, there's no sense in us
both going down.
573
00:31:56,800 --> 00:32:01,601
Besides, it made a man of you.
You are who you are because of me.
574
00:32:01,680 --> 00:32:04,001
No, I'm not anything like you.
575
00:32:04,080 --> 00:32:07,766
Yeah?
Well, you keep telling yourself that.
576
00:32:07,840 --> 00:32:10,605
Now where's your fucking midget?
It's getting late.
577
00:32:15,480 --> 00:32:17,960
♪ Pop that pussy
Hey, pop that pussy, baby ♪
578
00:32:18,080 --> 00:32:20,731
What... What is that?
579
00:32:20,800 --> 00:32:21,801
Shit!
580
00:32:21,880 --> 00:32:24,281
What, do you have
a speaker up there?
581
00:32:24,360 --> 00:32:26,203
Dorfman, get up here.
582
00:32:26,280 --> 00:32:32,049
You sure it was a phone ring?
Might have just been the fan turning over.
583
00:32:32,120 --> 00:32:36,170
Well, Dorfman, last time I checked,
fans don't "Pop That Pussy."
584
00:32:36,240 --> 00:32:38,481
No, I suppose they don't.
585
00:32:38,600 --> 00:32:40,728
No, I think Diane hired someone
to spy on me.
586
00:32:40,800 --> 00:32:43,929
- Diane? That doesn't sound like her.
- I want you to watch her.
587
00:32:44,000 --> 00:32:46,890
Anything unusual, I wanna know about it.
And cover the whole building.
588
00:32:46,960 --> 00:32:49,167
I'm talking microphones,
cameras, everything.
589
00:32:49,240 --> 00:32:52,289
Copy. Ladies' room
is already taken care of.
590
00:32:53,880 --> 00:32:56,008
He's fucking Alice.
591
00:32:56,080 --> 00:32:58,970
- Go figure.
- Why the fuck would you call me?
592
00:32:59,080 --> 00:33:01,162
Well, you're the genius
who left your ringer on.
593
00:33:01,240 --> 00:33:04,642
Because you the only two people I know.
Why would you call?
594
00:33:04,720 --> 00:33:08,042
What's she doing
with that shoe? Oh, God!
595
00:33:08,120 --> 00:33:10,885
He heard a noise in the fucking vent.
What's the big deal?
596
00:33:10,960 --> 00:33:14,931
He heard "Pop That Pussy" in the vent,
and that is a big fucking deal.
597
00:33:15,000 --> 00:33:16,161
Think she knows?
598
00:33:16,240 --> 00:33:19,005
- Who?
- You know, the redheaded gal, Diane.
599
00:33:19,080 --> 00:33:20,616
That her husband's
fooling around with the help?
600
00:33:20,640 --> 00:33:23,883
I'm saying, do you think she knows
that her fucking husband
601
00:33:23,960 --> 00:33:26,122
is ripping off the goddamn charity?
602
00:33:26,200 --> 00:33:28,851
Who gives a shit?
As long as she doesn't get in the way.
603
00:33:28,920 --> 00:33:32,481
- Can you crack the safe?
- Of course I can crack the fucking safe.
604
00:33:32,560 --> 00:33:35,689
Probably take me about three minutes.
Three and a half tops.
605
00:33:35,760 --> 00:33:38,764
Well, you shave a minute off that,
you may be good for something.
606
00:33:38,840 --> 00:33:42,242
- What about the alarm system?
- It's a Centaur 2100.
607
00:33:42,320 --> 00:33:45,767
We power it down,
we have ten minutes before it reboots.
608
00:33:45,840 --> 00:33:48,571
But I'm gonna need a key
to the electrical room to access it.
609
00:33:48,640 --> 00:33:51,610
- It's the only way in.
- Ah, shit, how are we gonna get that?
610
00:33:57,840 --> 00:33:59,376
Don't even
think about it, Willie.
611
00:33:59,400 --> 00:34:02,051
That big bitch is mine.
612
00:34:03,680 --> 00:34:05,921
He should show you some respect.
613
00:34:06,000 --> 00:34:09,129
- You're the talent, not him.
- Hey, Randall!
614
00:34:09,200 --> 00:34:10,611
Mind giving me a hand over here?
615
00:34:10,680 --> 00:34:12,376
I've gotta get this stuff
to the auditorium.
616
00:34:12,400 --> 00:34:16,485
He'd love to, darling.
Strong, strapping man like him.
617
00:34:16,560 --> 00:34:18,927
Clitoris, son. Do it for Mama.
618
00:34:19,000 --> 00:34:20,411
Thanks, Sunny.
619
00:34:20,480 --> 00:34:23,450
She's so sweet. I wish I had
a hundred volunteers like her.
620
00:34:23,520 --> 00:34:26,683
Oh, yeah, she's something.
I'm sure they only made one of her.
621
00:34:33,480 --> 00:34:34,925
How you doing, beautiful?
622
00:34:35,000 --> 00:34:36,923
- Gina, was it?
- That's right.
623
00:34:37,000 --> 00:34:41,881
- Ronald. We haven't officially met.
- Well, hello, Ronald. Officially.
624
00:34:41,960 --> 00:34:45,567
I bet you got no idea
how beautiful you really are.
625
00:34:45,640 --> 00:34:48,211
I don't know.
I think I've got some idea.
626
00:34:48,280 --> 00:34:50,567
- Oh, you do, do you?
- Maybe a little.
627
00:34:50,640 --> 00:34:53,644
I don't mean to be indiscreet,
but I do pretty well.
628
00:34:53,720 --> 00:34:57,042
So if you can't bring your A game,
don't even try.
629
00:34:57,120 --> 00:35:00,169
Sweetheart, I'm not sure
you could handle my A game.
630
00:35:00,240 --> 00:35:02,720
You get one hit of me
and you'll be addicted.
631
00:35:02,800 --> 00:35:07,408
- I like your confidence.
- I'd light you up like the Fourth of July.
632
00:35:07,480 --> 00:35:11,007
Look, Ronald,
I'm just gonna cut to the chase here.
633
00:35:11,080 --> 00:35:13,560
I am strictly first-class.
634
00:35:13,640 --> 00:35:18,931
I'm talking Chrysler 300,
factory-direct, fully loaded.
635
00:35:19,000 --> 00:35:22,004
And after that... lobster.
636
00:35:22,080 --> 00:35:24,606
Now if you think you can handle that,
637
00:35:24,680 --> 00:35:29,242
then maybe, just maybe,
I'll pencil you in.
638
00:35:29,320 --> 00:35:31,288
Bye.
639
00:35:31,360 --> 00:35:36,002
♪ Joy to the world, the Lord is come ♪
640
00:35:37,360 --> 00:35:38,441
Aren't they great?
641
00:35:39,480 --> 00:35:42,370
Regent likes to focus on the business,
but I'm like you.
642
00:35:42,440 --> 00:35:44,727
I am all about those kids
and the Christmas concert.
643
00:35:44,800 --> 00:35:46,484
We all participate.
644
00:35:46,560 --> 00:35:50,531
Volunteers, staff.
If you're interested, you could join us.
645
00:35:50,600 --> 00:35:52,090
You outta your goddamn mind?
646
00:35:52,160 --> 00:35:54,891
I ain't dancing around
with a bunch of candy canes and shit.
647
00:35:56,240 --> 00:35:59,483
Because I'm all about
the birth of Christmas.
648
00:35:59,560 --> 00:36:02,484
You know, the wise guys
649
00:36:02,560 --> 00:36:06,042
kicked him out of the hotel
and the ejaculate conception
650
00:36:06,120 --> 00:36:09,044
and the drummer that didn't have shit
to give him but some perfume...
651
00:36:09,120 --> 00:36:14,047
And the King Midas or one of them
threatened to cut the kid in half,
652
00:36:14,120 --> 00:36:16,805
turn him into gold and but, see, I...
653
00:36:16,880 --> 00:36:20,601
It's a heavy deal for me.
Pretty damn heavy.
654
00:36:20,680 --> 00:36:23,411
Are you talking about
the true meaning of Christmas?
655
00:36:24,400 --> 00:36:27,085
- Exactly.
- Right.
656
00:36:27,160 --> 00:36:29,322
Don't forget about the meeting
tomorrow night at 7:30.
657
00:36:29,400 --> 00:36:33,450
- Oh, yeah.
- Hey, it's only scary the first time.
658
00:36:46,000 --> 00:36:48,002
- Does this bus go to Chicago?
- No.
659
00:36:48,080 --> 00:36:50,686
Son, this bus goes
to the Arrowhead Premium Outlets.
660
00:36:51,640 --> 00:36:54,723
- Is that close to Chicago?
- No.
661
00:36:54,800 --> 00:36:56,928
Okay.
662
00:37:00,000 --> 00:37:02,367
How do I look?
663
00:37:02,440 --> 00:37:05,967
You look like one of those trolls
that gang-fucked Willy Wonka.
664
00:37:06,040 --> 00:37:09,681
Good one, shitstick.
665
00:37:09,760 --> 00:37:13,048
Hey, Shaft, you ready to stick it
to this chick tonight?
666
00:37:13,120 --> 00:37:14,456
Bitch, let me tell you something.
667
00:37:14,480 --> 00:37:18,724
When I was at the pen,
everyone called me tripod.
668
00:37:20,120 --> 00:37:21,929
Well, if your legs are six inches long,
669
00:37:22,000 --> 00:37:24,321
that's not that big
of a fucking deal, see.
670
00:37:24,400 --> 00:37:27,131
Now, if you're six foot five
and they called you tripod,
671
00:37:27,200 --> 00:37:29,726
then you're talking about something.
672
00:37:29,800 --> 00:37:34,362
- Miserable fucks, both of you.
- Mm.
673
00:37:34,480 --> 00:37:38,724
- Goddamn, did you eat your own shit?
- No, I've been eating caramels.
674
00:37:38,800 --> 00:37:42,282
You know how caramels
make Mama belch. Remember?
675
00:37:42,360 --> 00:37:44,488
No. No, I don't.
676
00:37:44,560 --> 00:37:46,767
No, come on. You remember.
677
00:37:46,840 --> 00:37:49,650
Look, when you were a baby,
678
00:37:49,720 --> 00:37:54,169
I used to chew and feed you caramels,
just like a mama bird does.
679
00:37:54,240 --> 00:38:00,088
I'd chew and chew and chew
till they were all milky.
680
00:38:00,160 --> 00:38:01,491
Goddamn.
681
00:38:01,560 --> 00:38:04,769
And then I'd...
spit them right in your little mouth.
682
00:38:04,840 --> 00:38:07,684
And you'd just,
you'd just squint your little...
683
00:38:07,760 --> 00:38:11,162
Can't you see I'm trying to eat
a fucking pizza here?
684
00:38:14,520 --> 00:38:18,047
I swear to God, a fucking electric oven.
685
00:38:47,600 --> 00:38:53,050
Anyway, it took this new set of teeth
to finally see the light.
686
00:38:56,040 --> 00:38:58,964
Jesus, I already need a fucking drink.
687
00:38:59,040 --> 00:39:01,327
People ask me
if I miss my old teeth.
688
00:39:01,440 --> 00:39:06,651
But sometimes, you have to
lose something to gain something.
689
00:39:09,680 --> 00:39:14,402
Now, I'm dating again,
and I'm ready to find The One.
690
00:39:14,480 --> 00:39:16,536
Thank you for that, Jason.
691
00:39:16,560 --> 00:39:20,770
- With no teeth, he ought to try dudes.
- Terrible.
692
00:39:20,840 --> 00:39:22,171
Would anyone else care to share?
693
00:39:24,520 --> 00:39:25,851
Anyone?
694
00:39:27,320 --> 00:39:28,680
The stage is yours.
695
00:39:29,800 --> 00:39:33,805
- Hi, I'm Diane and I'm an alcoholic.
- Hi, Diane.
696
00:39:33,880 --> 00:39:36,201
Maybe next time,
you'll feel comfortable speaking.
697
00:39:36,280 --> 00:39:38,169
I don't know about that.
698
00:39:41,960 --> 00:39:43,530
Okay. Fine.
699
00:39:43,600 --> 00:39:46,080
Maybe you can just talk to me
if that's easier.
700
00:39:46,160 --> 00:39:49,369
Do you ever feel like you hit rock bottom?
701
00:39:50,320 --> 00:39:51,651
You gotta be shitting me.
702
00:39:52,920 --> 00:39:55,685
I sure did. In my late 20's.
703
00:39:55,760 --> 00:39:58,331
You know, some people
can have one drink and they're fine.
704
00:39:58,400 --> 00:40:01,643
I am not that kind of person. I get wild.
705
00:40:01,720 --> 00:40:04,644
- I'm all ears. How wild?
- What?
706
00:40:04,720 --> 00:40:07,451
You mean like sex stuff?
That kind of thing?
707
00:40:08,240 --> 00:40:09,287
Yes.
708
00:40:09,360 --> 00:40:11,966
Alcohol led me to make
some not-so-good choices.
709
00:40:12,040 --> 00:40:14,122
But I've cleaned up my life.
710
00:40:14,200 --> 00:40:16,726
- I met Regent...
- Wait a minute, hang on.
711
00:40:16,800 --> 00:40:20,088
You picked that douche bag up
when you were sober?
712
00:40:20,160 --> 00:40:22,606
He was different
when he was in the Peace Corps.
713
00:40:22,680 --> 00:40:24,125
He helped me find focus.
714
00:40:24,200 --> 00:40:28,762
You don't understand, it was bad.
Three-ways, five-ways...
715
00:40:28,840 --> 00:40:31,969
Five-ways? How many holes do you have?
716
00:40:32,040 --> 00:40:36,125
- Anyway, the drinking had to stop.
- Yeah, I guess so.
717
00:40:36,200 --> 00:40:38,567
It was probably making you forget
all the fun you had.
718
00:40:39,760 --> 00:40:41,967
I'm talking about addiction, Mr. Cook.
719
00:40:42,040 --> 00:40:44,361
Like sex? Or booze?
720
00:40:45,720 --> 00:40:47,529
Listen, I'll tell you what,
721
00:40:47,600 --> 00:40:49,921
I'd like to get you in
that back seat there.
722
00:40:50,000 --> 00:40:53,607
And tear your little panties off
and get that ass in my face
723
00:40:53,720 --> 00:40:57,008
and just fuck that pussy
like you can't imagine.
724
00:40:57,760 --> 00:40:58,966
Excuse me?
725
00:40:59,840 --> 00:41:02,047
You filthy, dirty...
726
00:41:02,120 --> 00:41:04,176
Well, I thought that's what
we were talking about here.
727
00:41:04,200 --> 00:41:05,531
Get out of my car!
728
00:41:07,000 --> 00:41:08,684
- Damn, no sweat.
- Unbelievable.
729
00:41:08,760 --> 00:41:11,570
Goddamn.
730
00:41:11,640 --> 00:41:13,736
- I'm trying to help you.
- Look, I'm sorry.
731
00:41:13,760 --> 00:41:16,331
I fucking read you wrong. I was just...
732
00:41:22,120 --> 00:41:24,521
Well, thank you, Ronald.
733
00:41:24,600 --> 00:41:28,002
- That was some fine crustacean.
- Yeah.
734
00:41:28,080 --> 00:41:30,208
Maybe we should take this upstairs.
735
00:41:30,280 --> 00:41:31,930
- Hmm.
- What?
736
00:41:32,000 --> 00:41:34,970
When it's right, it's right.
I feel it, you feel it?
737
00:41:35,040 --> 00:41:38,169
- You're really fun, but just...
- I'm not tall enough for you?
738
00:41:38,240 --> 00:41:39,844
- What?
- Go on and say it.
739
00:41:39,920 --> 00:41:43,208
No! Your height has nothing to do with it.
I don't even see height.
740
00:41:43,280 --> 00:41:45,521
What's the trouble, then, baby?
741
00:41:45,600 --> 00:41:48,524
You're just not my type.
I'm into older guys.
742
00:41:48,600 --> 00:41:52,321
You know, like, older Jewish guys,
older Irish guys, dads.
743
00:41:52,400 --> 00:41:55,643
Not my dad, other people's dads.
They're the best.
744
00:41:55,720 --> 00:41:58,256
You know, they're usually into anal.
But their wives won't give it up.
745
00:41:58,280 --> 00:42:03,366
But I don't mind. I'm just into, you know,
more mature, experienced guys.
746
00:42:03,440 --> 00:42:06,410
Guys who are well-traveled,
cultured and into butt stuff.
747
00:42:06,480 --> 00:42:10,007
Bad boys, you know. Guys who don't
give a fuck and treat me like shit.
748
00:42:10,080 --> 00:42:14,483
A guy who if I asked him to choke me,
would enjoy it just a little too much.
749
00:42:14,560 --> 00:42:17,291
Damn, girl, I wouldn't pick you out
for that kind of shit.
750
00:42:17,360 --> 00:42:19,886
Christmas in general gets me so drenched.
751
00:42:19,960 --> 00:42:22,281
I mean, a guy breaks into your house,
eats your food
752
00:42:22,360 --> 00:42:24,408
and then punishes you
because you were naughty.
753
00:42:24,520 --> 00:42:26,921
I think I'm gonna go upstairs
and watch It's a Wonderful Life
754
00:42:27,000 --> 00:42:28,889
and rub one out right now.
755
00:42:30,560 --> 00:42:32,449
But thanks for the lobster.
756
00:42:35,040 --> 00:42:37,281
Ain't that but a bitch!
757
00:42:37,360 --> 00:42:39,203
Done ate ten pounds of lobster
758
00:42:39,280 --> 00:42:41,601
and I didn't even get a chance
to smell that pussy.
759
00:42:41,680 --> 00:42:44,570
Damn. Shit.
760
00:42:50,080 --> 00:42:51,764
Fine, get in.
761
00:42:51,880 --> 00:42:54,486
Regent and I haven't had sex
in over a decade.
762
00:42:54,560 --> 00:42:56,085
We stay together for the charity.
763
00:42:56,160 --> 00:43:00,722
I'm a good girl, Mr. Cook,
but sometimes I need to be bad.
764
00:43:00,800 --> 00:43:03,201
Now get your filthy ass in the car.
765
00:43:03,280 --> 00:43:06,090
See, that's what I thought.
766
00:43:06,160 --> 00:43:08,208
Oh, yeah!
767
00:43:08,280 --> 00:43:11,124
Fuck me like the dirty little slut
that I am.
768
00:43:11,200 --> 00:43:13,043
Call me Santa.
769
00:43:13,120 --> 00:43:15,122
- What?
- Call me Santa.
770
00:43:15,200 --> 00:43:18,329
Don't be weird. Tell me how dirty this is.
771
00:43:18,400 --> 00:43:21,290
- Call me Santa.
- Shut up.
772
00:43:22,560 --> 00:43:25,291
And spit on me.
773
00:43:25,360 --> 00:43:26,441
Fuck!
774
00:43:29,280 --> 00:43:33,490
- Tell me how dirty it is.
- Okay.
775
00:43:33,560 --> 00:43:36,609
U h, it's a dumpster in an alley.
776
00:43:36,680 --> 00:43:38,842
It's pretty, pretty fucking dirty,
I guess.
777
00:43:38,920 --> 00:43:42,845
- Tell me it's fucking dirty!
- Okay, it's fucking dirty.
778
00:43:43,960 --> 00:43:45,803
It's dirty.
779
00:43:45,880 --> 00:43:49,407
Yes, it's dirty.
780
00:43:49,520 --> 00:43:56,005
- Oh, oh, fuck me. I'm so dirty.
- Yeah.
781
00:43:59,720 --> 00:44:03,327
It was a one-time thing.
That never happened.
782
00:44:04,480 --> 00:44:05,481
All right.
783
00:44:14,480 --> 00:44:16,244
What the fuck?
784
00:44:16,320 --> 00:44:18,482
I'm not missing The Bachelor finale.
785
00:44:18,560 --> 00:44:22,281
I gotta see who the dingleberry
gives his last rose to,
786
00:44:22,360 --> 00:44:25,011
Goiter Face or Drunk Slut.
787
00:44:26,480 --> 00:44:29,211
Fuck! Oh! Get out of my brain!
788
00:44:29,280 --> 00:44:33,001
- Hey, Homeo, you got the key?
- I'm gonna need a little more time.
789
00:44:33,080 --> 00:44:36,721
Christ, am I the only one getting
anything done here tonight?
790
00:44:39,040 --> 00:44:41,611
And I thought my family was fucked.
791
00:44:41,680 --> 00:44:44,251
Is he always this fucking useless?
792
00:44:44,320 --> 00:44:47,483
- Ow!
- Oh, call the medic!
793
00:44:54,320 --> 00:44:59,850
♪ Frosty the Snowman
Was a jolly happy soul ♪
794
00:44:59,920 --> 00:45:04,448
♪ With a corn cob pipe and a button nose
And two eyes made of out coal ♪
795
00:45:04,520 --> 00:45:09,401
♪ Frosty the Snowman
Is a fairy tale they say ♪
796
00:45:09,480 --> 00:45:12,324
♪ He was made of snow
But the children know ♪
797
00:45:12,400 --> 00:45:14,846
♪ How he came to life one day ♪
798
00:45:14,920 --> 00:45:19,005
♪ For Frosty the Snowman
Had to hurry on... ♪
799
00:45:19,080 --> 00:45:22,562
- Do you know Willie?
- Willie? No.
800
00:45:22,640 --> 00:45:26,361
- Who the hell is Willie?
- Can I ride the bicycle now?
801
00:45:31,120 --> 00:45:33,282
Why the fuck were they at an AA meeting?
802
00:45:33,360 --> 00:45:34,441
I don't know.
803
00:45:34,520 --> 00:45:37,285
- Maybe he's an alcoholic.
- Brilliant insight, Dorfman.
804
00:45:37,360 --> 00:45:39,169
No, I'm wondering why they were together.
805
00:45:40,040 --> 00:45:41,201
I wanna know who he is.
806
00:45:41,280 --> 00:45:44,363
Find out everything.
Schools, arrests, financials, meds.
807
00:45:44,440 --> 00:45:46,602
Whatever's out there on this guy,
I wanna see it.
808
00:45:46,720 --> 00:45:48,131
Copy.
809
00:45:48,200 --> 00:45:51,124
Yeah, do I need to seduce that girl
myself to get that key?
810
00:45:51,200 --> 00:45:53,680
Because I can. Wouldn't be the first time.
811
00:45:53,760 --> 00:45:56,240
Please don't make me picture that.
I'm on it.
812
00:45:56,320 --> 00:45:58,163
Well, you better be.
813
00:45:58,240 --> 00:46:00,402
Or else I'll get her done.
814
00:46:00,480 --> 00:46:03,450
I need full dossier on a Randall Cook.
815
00:46:06,400 --> 00:46:08,368
Yes, I said "dossier."
816
00:46:08,440 --> 00:46:12,764
I'm sorry. I was under the impression
that was the correct nomenclature.
817
00:46:13,680 --> 00:46:15,205
"Nomenclature."
818
00:46:16,320 --> 00:46:18,163
Fine! A file, then.
819
00:46:18,240 --> 00:46:19,890
Asshole.
820
00:46:19,960 --> 00:46:21,371
♪ Everybody shake your ungh ♪
821
00:46:21,440 --> 00:46:23,329
♪ Shake it to the left
Shake it to the right ♪
822
00:46:23,400 --> 00:46:25,323
♪ Shake it to the east, baby
Shake it all night ♪
823
00:46:25,400 --> 00:46:27,209
♪ Shake it to the left
Shake it to the right ♪
824
00:46:27,280 --> 00:46:29,136
♪ Shake it to the west, baby
Shake it all night ♪
825
00:46:29,160 --> 00:46:30,685
♪ Move your feet
Come on ♪
826
00:46:32,400 --> 00:46:36,769
Shitstick! Let's go!
I got a side gig, just the two of us.
827
00:46:37,640 --> 00:46:40,962
- I'm busy.
- I said get in the van.
828
00:46:41,040 --> 00:46:43,361
I said I'm fucking busy!
829
00:46:49,600 --> 00:46:52,888
One fucking thing I get to enjoy
and you shit on that too.
830
00:46:52,960 --> 00:46:57,010
So I help field incoming calls
for the Santa appearances
831
00:46:57,080 --> 00:47:00,323
and shows and whatnot,
so I snagged this one just for us.
832
00:47:05,080 --> 00:47:09,210
Every year, these rich assholes throw
this huge party to benefit the needy kids.
833
00:47:09,280 --> 00:47:12,124
And this year, they requested
Mr. and Mrs. Santa Claus.
834
00:47:12,200 --> 00:47:16,046
So, while you're playing Santa,
I'm gonna clean these buggers out.
835
00:47:16,120 --> 00:47:17,326
Hang on a second here.
836
00:47:17,400 --> 00:47:20,609
I'm gonna spend my whole day
with a bunch of damn kids on my lap?
837
00:47:20,680 --> 00:47:23,206
- I'm retired from that shit anyway.
- Give me that.
838
00:47:23,280 --> 00:47:25,248
Give me that, you fucking lush.
839
00:47:25,360 --> 00:47:28,887
- I need you sharp.
- Goddamn it.
840
00:47:28,960 --> 00:47:33,363
♪ Dashing through the snow
In a one-horse open sleigh ♪
841
00:47:33,440 --> 00:47:38,002
♪ O'er the fields we go
Laughing all the way ♪
842
00:47:38,080 --> 00:47:41,368
♪ Ha ha ha
Bells on bobtails ring ♪
843
00:47:41,440 --> 00:47:43,920
♪ Making spirits bright ♪
844
00:47:44,000 --> 00:47:48,403
♪ Oh, what fun it is to ride
And sing these songs tonight ♪
845
00:47:48,480 --> 00:47:51,165
- Hey, keep those coming, will you?
- Mm-hmm.
846
00:47:51,240 --> 00:47:53,811
♪ Jingle all the way ♪
847
00:47:56,160 --> 00:47:58,447
Whoa, whoa, whoa. Okay.
848
00:47:58,560 --> 00:48:01,848
Seriously, you need to
give my bike back. Now.
849
00:48:01,920 --> 00:48:04,366
Where are the cherry pop ladies?
850
00:48:07,360 --> 00:48:09,966
Oh, Gina!
851
00:48:11,080 --> 00:48:12,889
Oh, hey!
852
00:48:12,960 --> 00:48:17,602
- You're not mad, are you?
- Mad? No. Because I get you.
853
00:48:17,680 --> 00:48:19,523
You a woman of high standards,
854
00:48:19,600 --> 00:48:21,045
refined taste...
855
00:48:21,120 --> 00:48:23,726
- What's up, girl?
- Ooh. You know what's up, playa.
856
00:48:23,800 --> 00:48:27,202
I'm sorry, what?
857
00:48:34,320 --> 00:48:36,527
What the hell are you looking at me
so funny for?
858
00:48:37,760 --> 00:48:40,650
Sorry, Santa. I had to go.
859
00:48:42,120 --> 00:48:45,408
Oh, is that you?
I thought it was me.
860
00:48:46,920 --> 00:48:50,891
Hey, Greta. Could you, uh, get me a rag
and a real drink, please?
861
00:48:50,960 --> 00:48:52,325
Of course. I'll be right back.
862
00:48:57,360 --> 00:49:00,921
Come on. Get out of here.
Put a fucking diaper on.
863
00:49:06,040 --> 00:49:09,567
- Hey, you're wet.
- No shit. What can I do for you?
864
00:49:09,640 --> 00:49:13,326
Will you be able to find me
at my grandma's house in Grand Rapids?
865
00:49:13,400 --> 00:49:18,531
Because no one's going to be
at our Chicago house for two weeks.
866
00:49:18,640 --> 00:49:23,089
Oh, yeah. Don't worry. I'll find you.
But, hey, do Santy a favor, will you?
867
00:49:23,160 --> 00:49:25,367
You know the address
of where you're not gonna be?
868
00:49:25,480 --> 00:49:28,563
Write it down on a piece of paper
and bring it back to Santy, will you?
869
00:49:29,560 --> 00:49:30,720
All right, honey. Good girl.
870
00:49:32,080 --> 00:49:33,127
What do you want?
871
00:49:33,240 --> 00:49:36,289
I want Minecraft, Halo 5 Guardians,
Rise of the Tomb Raider,
872
00:49:36,360 --> 00:49:39,330
Project X Zone Two, Assassin's Creed
Chronicles Trilogy, As...
873
00:49:39,400 --> 00:49:41,846
Yeah, yeah. That's great, that's great.
I, I don't know.
874
00:49:41,920 --> 00:49:43,736
- Call of Duty Black Ops III...
- I don't know what you're talking about.
875
00:49:43,760 --> 00:49:45,125
I have no idea what that shit is.
876
00:49:45,200 --> 00:49:48,204
You could be speaking fucking Swahili
and I wouldn't know any better.
877
00:49:48,280 --> 00:49:51,011
- Grand Theft Auto V.
- Nah, I don't care.
878
00:49:56,480 --> 00:49:57,766
What can I get you?
879
00:49:57,840 --> 00:49:59,763
A stuffed cow that moos
but doesn't poop.
880
00:49:59,840 --> 00:50:03,925
- Some duct tape so I can build a boat.
- What?
881
00:50:04,000 --> 00:50:08,483
A stuffed cow that moos but doesn't poop.
Some duct tape so I can build a boat.
882
00:50:08,560 --> 00:50:10,005
Okay.
883
00:50:11,440 --> 00:50:14,250
Have a seat. What can Santy Claus get you?
884
00:50:14,320 --> 00:50:16,641
A penguin. It doesn't have to be alive.
885
00:50:28,320 --> 00:50:31,130
- What's up, champ?
- I want a hand grenade.
886
00:50:31,200 --> 00:50:32,929
Yeah, well, I want a hand release,
887
00:50:33,000 --> 00:50:35,082
but you don't see me
holding my breath, do you?
888
00:50:35,160 --> 00:50:38,767
- What's a hand release?
- It's kind of a compromise.
889
00:50:38,840 --> 00:50:42,003
Anyway, Santy ain't no arms dealer,
so I can't help you out.
890
00:50:42,080 --> 00:50:44,242
See you later.
891
00:50:52,760 --> 00:50:54,091
Let's go.
892
00:51:01,720 --> 00:51:03,609
Oops!
893
00:51:03,680 --> 00:51:05,762
Walk. Don't run!
894
00:51:07,200 --> 00:51:10,090
That's quite a grip you got there.
What are you, a lumberjack?
895
00:51:10,160 --> 00:51:13,448
- Shot put. Olympic alternate.
- Nice.
896
00:51:13,520 --> 00:51:16,205
Hey, listen, can you kind of stay up
on the business end
897
00:51:16,280 --> 00:51:18,009
and stay away from the nuts?
898
00:51:18,080 --> 00:51:21,402
Maybe if you put your thumb up my ass?
899
00:51:21,480 --> 00:51:24,211
No, I don't do that.
900
00:51:24,280 --> 00:51:27,841
- Kiddums.
- Goddamn it. That's my mom.
901
00:51:27,920 --> 00:51:31,447
- Time to get a move on.
- Ew. Your mom?
902
00:51:31,520 --> 00:51:33,045
Yeah. Help me zip this shit.
903
00:51:33,120 --> 00:51:34,963
What? Ugh.
904
00:51:44,400 --> 00:51:46,721
Davis! Davis!
905
00:51:47,760 --> 00:51:50,650
- Where's your friend at?
- I ain't got any fucking friends!
906
00:51:50,720 --> 00:51:52,051
Hey, watch your language.
907
00:51:52,120 --> 00:51:55,602
Why don't I watch my dick go in and out
of your wife's pussy lips while I'm at it?
908
00:51:55,680 --> 00:52:00,242
Oh, yeah? Well, joke's on you
because my wife died six months ago. Boom!
909
00:52:00,320 --> 00:52:05,167
Like that will fucking stop me?
Rigor mortis just make the pussy tighter.
910
00:52:05,240 --> 00:52:07,322
Oh. Where's Cook?
911
00:52:09,680 --> 00:52:11,967
You see that?
912
00:52:12,040 --> 00:52:15,362
Huh? Yeah.
913
00:52:15,440 --> 00:52:18,683
- We still got it, kid.
- Yeah, I guess so.
914
00:52:18,760 --> 00:52:21,411
It was always supposed
to be this way, William.
915
00:52:21,480 --> 00:52:25,963
You, me. Before I fucked it all up.
916
00:52:27,560 --> 00:52:30,086
But even when I was in the joint,
I thought of you.
917
00:52:30,160 --> 00:52:33,960
And I always had a drink
on your birthday... January third.
918
00:52:35,080 --> 00:52:37,003
Seventh.
919
00:52:37,080 --> 00:52:40,163
- August fourth.
- Fourth?
920
00:52:40,240 --> 00:52:42,447
And August. Yeah.
921
00:52:42,520 --> 00:52:47,651
Well, fuck a duck.
Anyway, uh, the point is that I miss this.
922
00:52:47,720 --> 00:52:53,090
Just think of the damage we could do.
Just the two of us. All the time.
923
00:52:53,920 --> 00:52:56,491
Hey. You know what? I got you a gift.
924
00:52:56,560 --> 00:52:59,643
You never got me a gift
in my entire fucking life.
925
00:52:59,720 --> 00:53:00,801
Well, boohoo.
926
00:53:00,880 --> 00:53:05,010
You think it was raining presents
in my backyard when I was a kid?
927
00:53:05,080 --> 00:53:09,005
Look, I'm trying to make up
for lost time here.
928
00:53:09,120 --> 00:53:12,602
- You know, be a better...
- Parent?
929
00:53:14,640 --> 00:53:18,042
Yeah. I found this in the bedside table.
930
00:53:18,120 --> 00:53:19,176
Think fast.
931
00:53:19,200 --> 00:53:22,090
The fuck?
932
00:53:22,160 --> 00:53:25,369
- Don't do that.
- Oh, that's for me.
933
00:53:25,440 --> 00:53:26,965
Shut up.
934
00:53:27,040 --> 00:53:29,088
- Pew-pew.
- Don't touch me with the fucking thing.
935
00:53:30,720 --> 00:53:35,009
No, seriously. I did get you a gift.
936
00:53:35,080 --> 00:53:38,971
- I want you to have this.
- What the fuck's that for?
937
00:53:39,040 --> 00:53:44,843
The midget. He tried to kill you once.
I'm not gonna give him a second chance.
938
00:53:44,920 --> 00:53:50,211
- I think he knows better by now, okay?
- Hey, hey, hey.
939
00:53:50,280 --> 00:53:54,330
You're my shitstick. And nobody's
gonna mess with you on my watch.
940
00:53:59,280 --> 00:54:00,281
I'm fine.
941
00:54:07,040 --> 00:54:09,361
We gotta get rid of this van and split up.
942
00:54:09,440 --> 00:54:11,204
- Hey, pull over right here.
- What for?
943
00:54:11,280 --> 00:54:13,044
Just fucking pull over, okay?
944
00:54:17,440 --> 00:54:19,647
Okay, just wait right here.
Keep it running.
945
00:54:20,880 --> 00:54:22,325
Be right back.
946
00:54:35,440 --> 00:54:37,204
Wow.
947
00:54:37,280 --> 00:54:38,486
Okay, go, go, go, go, go!
948
00:54:38,560 --> 00:54:40,449
Hey! Hey! Open the door!
949
00:54:43,800 --> 00:54:47,043
- Fuck!
- What you got?
950
00:54:47,120 --> 00:54:49,248
Here, drink this.
951
00:54:51,000 --> 00:54:54,243
- You sweet little muskrat.
- Don't get all choked up.
952
00:54:54,320 --> 00:54:56,004
I'm just tired of that fucking coughing.
953
00:54:57,280 --> 00:54:58,566
Ahhh.
954
00:54:58,640 --> 00:55:02,531
- I hadn't gotten 'tussed up in a while.
- Yeah.
955
00:55:02,600 --> 00:55:05,649
Nothing but an old address
somewhere outside Albany.
956
00:55:05,720 --> 00:55:07,961
- Nothing else? Shit.
- The guy's a ghost.
957
00:55:08,040 --> 00:55:10,008
Okay, call Detective O'Neill
at Precinct 12.
958
00:55:10,080 --> 00:55:13,323
- Have him run a facial rec.
- Fuck yeah. Facial rec.
959
00:55:13,400 --> 00:55:16,847
- That's a level-nine surveillance.
- Yeah.
960
00:55:32,440 --> 00:55:34,488
Yes! Oh! Oh!
961
00:55:37,200 --> 00:55:38,929
- Don't hold back.
- Don't hold back?
962
00:55:39,000 --> 00:55:42,891
What do you want, a fucking jackhammer?
Goddamn, I nearly broke my fucking pelvis.
963
00:55:42,960 --> 00:55:45,361
No, I mean hurry up and cum.
I can hear someone.
964
00:55:45,440 --> 00:55:47,204
Call me "Santa."
965
00:55:47,320 --> 00:55:49,527
Fine.
966
00:55:49,600 --> 00:55:51,284
- Fuck me, Santa.
- Louder.
967
00:55:51,360 --> 00:55:53,283
- Fuck me, Santa!
- There you go.
968
00:55:53,360 --> 00:55:55,567
Fuck me, Santa! Fuck me, Santa!
969
00:55:55,640 --> 00:55:59,611
Fuck me, Santa!
Fuck me, Santa! Fuck me, Santa!
970
00:55:59,680 --> 00:56:01,170
Fuck me, Santa!
971
00:56:01,240 --> 00:56:04,369
Fuck me, Santa!
Fuck me, Santa! Fuck me, Santa!
972
00:56:04,440 --> 00:56:06,400
- No, more.
- Oh, fuck me, Santa!
973
00:56:06,440 --> 00:56:09,091
Fuck me, Santa!
Fuck me, Santa!
974
00:56:09,160 --> 00:56:11,686
Oh.
975
00:56:11,760 --> 00:56:14,081
Merry fucking Christmas.
976
00:56:20,360 --> 00:56:22,328
- All right, then.
- That also...
977
00:56:22,440 --> 00:56:25,683
Yeah, yeah, yeah. I know, I know, I know!
Uh, it never happened. I get it.
978
00:56:26,960 --> 00:56:32,046
U m, I ain't exactly what you call
the romantic type, you know.
979
00:56:32,120 --> 00:56:34,771
I don't go in for all the sappy shit.
980
00:56:34,840 --> 00:56:40,529
But, um, I gotta tell you,
you got gigantic titties.
981
00:56:40,600 --> 00:56:45,925
- And that's no shit.
- Um... thanks?
982
00:56:46,000 --> 00:56:49,049
No sweat.
983
00:56:49,120 --> 00:56:51,122
See you.
984
00:56:53,720 --> 00:56:55,722
Fuck.
985
00:56:55,800 --> 00:56:58,485
- This better be an emergency.
- Willie, where are you?
986
00:56:58,600 --> 00:57:00,841
I'm in Chicago,
but I can't find you anywhere.
987
00:57:00,920 --> 00:57:04,003
Wait, hang on a second.
What are you doing in fucking Chicago?
988
00:57:04,080 --> 00:57:06,242
I wanted to surprise you for Christmas.
989
00:57:06,360 --> 00:57:08,567
The best Christmas gifts
are always a surprise.
990
00:57:08,640 --> 00:57:12,770
Are you off of your goddamn nut?
Is that what you do?
991
00:57:12,840 --> 00:57:15,176
You follow people
all the way across the fucking country?
992
00:57:15,200 --> 00:57:16,804
Not everyone. Just you.
993
00:57:16,880 --> 00:57:20,601
- Are you surprised?
- No, this shit happens every day.
994
00:57:20,680 --> 00:57:24,162
- It does?
- No. On what fucking planet...?
995
00:57:24,240 --> 00:57:26,242
Never mind.
What the fuck are you doing?
996
00:57:26,320 --> 00:57:30,803
Uh, Willie, it's really cold here.
I didn't bring a coat. Only my gloves.
997
00:57:30,880 --> 00:57:33,531
Goddamn it.
You gotta be shitting me.
998
00:57:33,600 --> 00:57:36,206
Do you got a pencil
or some shit to write on?
999
00:57:51,000 --> 00:57:54,288
Who is it?
1000
00:57:59,320 --> 00:58:02,483
- Who the fuck are you?
- Grandma Willie!
1001
00:58:05,440 --> 00:58:07,656
And Willie was in such a hurry
to get me my elephant
1002
00:58:07,680 --> 00:58:09,056
that I guess he forgot to pay for it.
1003
00:58:09,080 --> 00:58:13,404
And that made the policemen really mad.
So they followed him back to the house.
1004
00:58:13,480 --> 00:58:16,006
And Willie ran really fast
and he almost got to the door,
1005
00:58:16,080 --> 00:58:19,129
but then they shot him
like eight times in the back.
1006
00:58:19,200 --> 00:58:21,851
In the cowboy movies,
they say that's not even fair.
1007
00:58:21,920 --> 00:58:25,970
And this is the first present
Willie ever got me for Christmas.
1008
00:58:26,040 --> 00:58:27,087
With his blood.
1009
00:58:29,400 --> 00:58:33,485
- Willie, you're home!
- Goddamn, kid. Watch the spine bone.
1010
00:58:33,560 --> 00:58:36,131
I was just telling your mom
how you're a hero.
1011
00:58:36,240 --> 00:58:39,005
Yeah, yeah. Hang on a second.
1012
00:58:39,080 --> 00:58:42,289
You didn't bring a fucking coat,
but you brought that elephant?
1013
00:58:42,360 --> 00:58:45,569
- You didn't tell me to bring a coat.
- I didn't tell you to come.
1014
00:58:45,640 --> 00:58:49,531
- Is this your spawn?
- Do I look like I made him?
1015
00:58:49,600 --> 00:58:51,056
Well, if this ain't
fetal alcohol syndrome,
1016
00:58:51,080 --> 00:58:52,605
then what the fuck is it?
1017
00:58:52,680 --> 00:58:56,321
- He keeps trying to make me a sandwich.
- That's what he does.
1018
00:58:57,760 --> 00:58:59,125
Elf!
1019
00:59:00,880 --> 00:59:02,291
Hey! You get that key?
1020
00:59:04,480 --> 00:59:05,527
You got smaller.
1021
00:59:09,280 --> 00:59:13,410
What the... Am I tripping?
1022
00:59:13,480 --> 00:59:15,767
You might be, because,
you know, certain pussy
1023
00:59:15,840 --> 00:59:18,969
has hallucinogenic aftereffects
if you eat too much of it.
1024
00:59:19,040 --> 00:59:22,965
I found out the hard way once
when I messed with my own kind.
1025
00:59:23,080 --> 00:59:27,051
One time, I ate too much turkey bacon,
I didn't poop for two weeks.
1026
00:59:27,120 --> 00:59:28,963
For four weeks.
1027
00:59:33,160 --> 00:59:36,846
- The key, shorty.
- Okay, first of all, fuck you!
1028
00:59:36,920 --> 00:59:40,049
See that? I told you.
I knew he didn't have it in him.
1029
00:59:40,120 --> 00:59:43,886
And second of all,
what in the fuck is he doing here?
1030
00:59:43,960 --> 00:59:46,850
- That is not how you serve a sandwich.
- Willie.
1031
00:59:46,920 --> 00:59:48,968
I'm working on it, okay?
1032
00:59:49,040 --> 00:59:51,088
Hey, kid, listen.
1033
00:59:51,160 --> 00:59:54,369
This is really not the right place
for you to be, okay?
1034
00:59:54,440 --> 00:59:58,001
Because there's not enough beds?
I only counted one, plus a couch.
1035
00:59:58,080 --> 01:00:00,606
- Exactly.
- You should get bunk beds, Willie.
1036
01:00:00,680 --> 01:00:01,976
Yeah, maybe we'll do that.
1037
01:00:02,000 --> 01:00:04,526
But, uh, in the meantime,
let's you and me head out, all right?
1038
01:00:05,760 --> 01:00:08,161
Bye, Elf. Bye, Willie's mom.
1039
01:00:08,240 --> 01:00:11,801
My mom's in Jesus' house with Mary
and Joseph and the talking walnut.
1040
01:00:13,560 --> 01:00:16,404
- You 100 percent sure he's not yours?
- Yeah.
1041
01:00:16,480 --> 01:00:19,450
Well, then, cut him loose.
Set some boundaries, for chrissake.
1042
01:00:19,520 --> 01:00:23,081
You can't have every stray
following you around like a lost puppy.
1043
01:00:23,160 --> 01:00:25,891
- Jesus!
- I said I'm going, okay?
1044
01:00:25,960 --> 01:00:30,522
Can we get a Chicago pizza?
It's like pizza, but in Chicago.
1045
01:00:30,600 --> 01:00:33,331
Yeah, we'll get a pizza. No sweat.
1046
01:00:38,800 --> 01:00:42,282
This is really fun, Willie.
I didn't even know you had a mom.
1047
01:00:42,360 --> 01:00:46,490
- What'd you think? I was just hatched?
- Well, where were you born?
1048
01:00:46,560 --> 01:00:51,726
I was born in the Pulaski County Juvenile
Detention Center in Little Rock, Arkansas.
1049
01:00:51,800 --> 01:00:55,964
- Oh, that sounds really nice.
- Well, it wasn't nice.
1050
01:00:56,040 --> 01:00:59,806
And she's a mean fucking bitch,
so don't go getting any ideas, all right?
1051
01:00:59,880 --> 01:01:03,282
Well, sometimes you're not nice.
But you're still Santa.
1052
01:01:03,360 --> 01:01:08,082
Listen kid, seriously.
You're all grown-up and shit now, okay?
1053
01:01:08,160 --> 01:01:11,801
- You gotta stop that.
- Well, I know you're not the Santa.
1054
01:01:11,880 --> 01:01:13,564
But you're still my Santa.
1055
01:01:22,240 --> 01:01:23,366
Come on. Let's go.
1056
01:02:06,080 --> 01:02:07,206
Fuck.
1057
01:02:46,800 --> 01:02:50,009
Fuck! Fucking pussy!
1058
01:02:59,760 --> 01:03:02,604
Look at all the Santas!
I really get to stay here?
1059
01:03:02,680 --> 01:03:05,365
Goddamn right.
1060
01:03:05,440 --> 01:03:08,091
So how long is the kid staying here?
1061
01:03:08,160 --> 01:03:10,162
Hell if I know,
I ain't his fucking secretary.
1062
01:03:10,240 --> 01:03:15,883
- You run the joint.
- Cook, you crack me up.
1063
01:03:15,960 --> 01:03:17,166
I what?
1064
01:03:18,720 --> 01:03:22,202
Boarding room's downstairs on the left.
Any bed that's not taken.
1065
01:03:26,040 --> 01:03:28,247
Alrighty, here we go.
1066
01:03:28,320 --> 01:03:30,368
Now listen,
don't be sitting on any toilet seats.
1067
01:03:30,440 --> 01:03:33,523
If you gotta take a shit
just stand over it, couple of feet away,
1068
01:03:33,600 --> 01:03:35,125
take aim and blow it in there.
1069
01:03:35,200 --> 01:03:37,680
'Cause I'm pretty sure crabs can jump.
All right?
1070
01:03:37,760 --> 01:03:40,206
Don't let anybody muscle up on you
in the showers either,
1071
01:03:40,280 --> 01:03:41,566
because they'll try.
1072
01:03:41,640 --> 01:03:44,849
And if a fight breaks out, go straight
for the nuts or gouge an eye out.
1073
01:03:48,720 --> 01:03:51,246
I don't think I like it here, Willie.
1074
01:03:51,320 --> 01:03:53,800
Then you should go home,
like I told you to start with.
1075
01:03:53,880 --> 01:03:56,360
But it's not home if there's nobody there.
1076
01:03:56,440 --> 01:03:58,647
What about Granny?
I'm sure she misses you.
1077
01:03:58,720 --> 01:03:59,960
- She died.
- When?
1078
01:04:00,040 --> 01:04:01,041
Two years ago.
1079
01:04:01,120 --> 01:04:04,169
Same day as the President's Day sale
at Blue Mesa Toyota and Scion
1080
01:04:04,240 --> 01:04:06,561
where they put the "whee" in wheels.
1081
01:04:08,000 --> 01:04:09,365
Well, Granny had a good run.
1082
01:04:09,440 --> 01:04:12,330
She was about
150 fucking years old, anyway.
1083
01:04:12,400 --> 01:04:15,961
Look at this, this is not so bad.
Look, you got bunk beds.
1084
01:04:16,080 --> 01:04:17,809
Look at that.
1085
01:04:17,880 --> 01:04:21,441
Ow! Goddamn, kid! Fuck!
1086
01:04:21,520 --> 01:04:23,536
- Will we have Christmas together?
- Fuck, I don't know.
1087
01:04:23,560 --> 01:04:26,166
- But, Willie...
- No "but, Willie." Goddamn it!
1088
01:04:26,240 --> 01:04:29,642
I've been chasing your ass off
ever since I fucking met you.
1089
01:04:29,760 --> 01:04:33,526
Do you not take a hint?
I fucking told you that I ain't that guy.
1090
01:04:33,640 --> 01:04:36,530
Life sucks a big, giant dick, kid.
1091
01:04:36,640 --> 01:04:39,120
But you're a fucking man now
and you gotta face up to it.
1092
01:04:39,200 --> 01:04:41,202
Welcome to the shit show.
1093
01:04:42,040 --> 01:04:44,611
- But you're my family.
- No, I'm not your family.
1094
01:04:47,120 --> 01:04:53,241
- Okay. I'll try to be a man. For you.
- No, not for me. For you.
1095
01:04:54,760 --> 01:04:56,936
- Even though I'm all alone.
- You're not all alone.
1096
01:04:56,960 --> 01:05:00,806
Are you shitting me?
I mean, look around here.
1097
01:05:00,880 --> 01:05:03,486
You got all these great guys.
1098
01:05:03,560 --> 01:05:08,885
Except that one jerking off over there.
And that one watching him jerk off.
1099
01:05:08,960 --> 01:05:12,362
You know what, just kind of stay
in this section right here, okay?
1100
01:05:14,720 --> 01:05:16,484
You'll be fine.
1101
01:05:29,080 --> 01:05:30,081
Hey.
1102
01:05:31,480 --> 01:05:34,450
- Where the hell have you been?
- What are you, my fucking mother?
1103
01:05:34,520 --> 01:05:36,488
I've been dealing with the kid, all right?
1104
01:05:36,560 --> 01:05:39,325
Oh, well, don't lose your focus.
We still need that key.
1105
01:05:39,400 --> 01:05:42,609
I tried seducing the girl myself
but she's strictly dickly.
1106
01:05:42,680 --> 01:05:45,445
Concert's tomorrow night.
So you better step up, buddy boy.
1107
01:05:45,520 --> 01:05:47,170
I thought the midget was doing it.
1108
01:05:47,240 --> 01:05:49,766
Marcus couldn't fuck his way out
of a wet paper bag.
1109
01:05:49,880 --> 01:05:52,486
I'll make sure she knows you got
the hots for her.
1110
01:05:53,920 --> 01:05:56,764
- Really?
- That's what he told me.
1111
01:05:56,840 --> 01:05:58,729
Oh, here he comes.
1112
01:05:58,800 --> 01:06:00,768
Of course you may have to make
the first move,
1113
01:06:00,840 --> 01:06:02,729
- because he seems like the shy type.
- Okay.
1114
01:06:02,800 --> 01:06:06,646
Hey. We still good for tomorrow? The plan.
1115
01:06:06,720 --> 01:06:10,691
- Cutting her out after the grab. Right?
- Yeah, yeah. We're good.
1116
01:06:11,520 --> 01:06:15,525
Come on, shitstick.
Bring it on home to Mama.
1117
01:06:19,240 --> 01:06:20,480
Goddamn.
1118
01:06:26,040 --> 01:06:29,283
♪ I just can't wait till Christmas day ♪
1119
01:06:30,680 --> 01:06:33,968
♪ My favorite time of the year ♪
1120
01:06:38,840 --> 01:06:40,046
Hey, Cook!
1121
01:06:42,000 --> 01:06:43,331
Hey, Cook!
1122
01:06:47,240 --> 01:06:48,844
Mind if join you?
1123
01:06:52,520 --> 01:06:56,605
It's okay to like what you see.
I like what I see.
1124
01:06:57,960 --> 01:06:59,041
Oh, yes!
1125
01:06:59,480 --> 01:07:04,884
Oh, oh, yes!
Oh, oh, yes! Yes, oh, come get there.
1126
01:07:04,960 --> 01:07:08,726
Oh, God! Oh, make Mama cum.
1127
01:07:08,800 --> 01:07:11,280
Don't say "Mama." No mom stuff!
1128
01:07:11,360 --> 01:07:14,523
You don't stop till I say stop!
1129
01:07:14,600 --> 01:07:18,446
- Okay, flip over.
- Fine. Bring it.
1130
01:07:22,040 --> 01:07:24,441
Are you washing your fucking hands
right now?
1131
01:07:24,560 --> 01:07:25,561
No.
1132
01:07:25,640 --> 01:07:29,531
Oh, wait, wait. That's not my... H uh.
1133
01:07:29,600 --> 01:07:31,045
Oh, my God!
1134
01:07:31,120 --> 01:07:35,205
Oh, my God! That feels amazing! Holy shit!
1135
01:07:41,200 --> 01:07:45,250
Harder!
1136
01:07:45,320 --> 01:07:46,765
Harder! Yes!
1137
01:08:03,040 --> 01:08:08,843
♪ Holy infant so tender and mild ♪
1138
01:08:08,920 --> 01:08:14,802
♪ Sleep in heavenly peace ♪
1139
01:08:16,560 --> 01:08:22,249
♪ Sleep in heavenly peace ♪
1140
01:08:25,680 --> 01:08:29,287
♪ Silent night ♪
1141
01:08:29,360 --> 01:08:31,249
- ♪ Holy night ♪
- Oh, my gosh.
1142
01:08:31,320 --> 01:08:34,881
You guys are really good at singing.
I like to sing in the bathtub.
1143
01:08:34,960 --> 01:08:38,009
I'm a soprano. My friend Ronnie says
I sound like Mariah Carey.
1144
01:08:39,440 --> 01:08:44,367
- Hello. What's your name?
- I'm Thurman. Thurman Merman.
1145
01:08:44,440 --> 01:08:47,091
For real? Ha!
1146
01:08:48,440 --> 01:08:50,408
Would you like to join us, Thurman?
1147
01:08:52,760 --> 01:08:54,410
This looks like it might fit.
1148
01:08:56,160 --> 01:08:58,561
- I get to wear this?
- Of course you do.
1149
01:08:58,640 --> 01:09:02,770
You're a Santa now, Thurman.
Go ahead, put it on.
1150
01:09:07,560 --> 01:09:09,085
It's got a lot of paper trash in it,
1151
01:09:09,160 --> 01:09:13,085
so I think it should be a light landing
for both of you. Okay?
1152
01:09:13,160 --> 01:09:14,491
So...
1153
01:09:14,560 --> 01:09:18,645
Where the fuck have you been? We gotta
lock everything down for tomorrow.
1154
01:09:18,720 --> 01:09:22,042
That's my boy!
1155
01:09:22,120 --> 01:09:25,761
- Shit. How'd you get that?
- He tapped that security girl.
1156
01:09:25,840 --> 01:09:30,528
Ha-ha. Very funny.
Wait... for real?
1157
01:09:30,600 --> 01:09:34,207
I didn't exactly have to talk her into it.
She was wetter than Lake Michigan.
1158
01:09:34,280 --> 01:09:36,487
Matter of fact, I think she roofied me.
1159
01:09:36,560 --> 01:09:39,325
Ah, rohypnol.
Excellent icebreaker.
1160
01:09:39,400 --> 01:09:42,085
Of course, it's harder for the girl
because she's gotta get off
1161
01:09:42,160 --> 01:09:44,083
- before the drugs soften the noodle.
- Yeah.
1162
01:09:44,200 --> 01:09:45,884
Ya! You no good motherfucker!
1163
01:09:45,960 --> 01:09:47,176
- What the fuck?
- You...
1164
01:09:47,200 --> 01:09:48,736
- God!
- Get off of him!
1165
01:09:48,760 --> 01:09:50,496
Hey! Get off of him you little shit!
1166
01:09:50,520 --> 01:09:52,096
- I'll kill your ass!
- Let go of me!
1167
01:09:52,120 --> 01:09:53,849
- Motherfucker!
- Get off of him!
1168
01:09:53,960 --> 01:09:56,440
Oh, jeez, I'm sorry.
1169
01:09:56,520 --> 01:09:58,648
Hey, goddamn pussy!
You motherfucker!
1170
01:09:58,720 --> 01:10:01,166
Just get off of him. Hey!
1171
01:10:01,240 --> 01:10:04,210
Goddamn it!
1172
01:10:04,280 --> 01:10:06,726
Ow!
1173
01:10:08,520 --> 01:10:10,841
Goddamn!
1174
01:10:13,160 --> 01:10:16,209
My first shot at a good piece of ass
after nearly ten years
1175
01:10:16,280 --> 01:10:19,090
and you gotta go
and take a dump on that too.
1176
01:10:19,160 --> 01:10:20,880
- Fuck you!
- It was just business.
1177
01:10:20,920 --> 01:10:23,491
You just ruined
a perfectly good piece of pussy
1178
01:10:23,560 --> 01:10:25,528
with that diseased-ass dick of yours.
1179
01:10:25,600 --> 01:10:29,685
I'm glad I tea-bagged your drunk ass,
you fucking piece-of-shit motherfucker!
1180
01:10:29,760 --> 01:10:33,128
Would you get it together?
Tomorrow is go time.
1181
01:10:33,200 --> 01:10:36,283
I need some air.
1182
01:10:39,080 --> 01:10:44,405
Now, see? Who the fuck does he think
he is talking to you that way?
1183
01:10:44,480 --> 01:10:48,007
- That's it. We're cutting him out.
- What? Fuck no.
1184
01:10:48,080 --> 01:10:51,163
I mean, he's just steamed a little bit.
He'll be fine.
1185
01:10:51,240 --> 01:10:53,561
Okay, you wanna share
half of your take with him?
1186
01:10:53,640 --> 01:10:56,325
- Be my guest.
- You know, I don't fucking get you.
1187
01:10:56,400 --> 01:10:58,846
I mean, you're the one
that brought that little shit in.
1188
01:10:58,920 --> 01:11:03,608
No, shitstick. I brought you in.
You're the safe cracker.
1189
01:11:03,680 --> 01:11:07,651
He can't even crack his own ass.
Fuck that.
1190
01:11:07,720 --> 01:11:10,451
We're going to Mexico.
1191
01:11:10,520 --> 01:11:13,967
It's loaded now.
You're good to go.
1192
01:11:17,000 --> 01:11:18,843
You did this whole fucking thing
1193
01:11:18,960 --> 01:11:22,123
just to have me to go
to shit-ass Mexico with you?
1194
01:11:22,200 --> 01:11:26,762
I just thought it might be fun to spend
Christmas with the only family I got left.
1195
01:11:26,840 --> 01:11:31,687
- Why's that such a surprise?
- Well...
1196
01:11:32,840 --> 01:11:37,641
You know, they'd grant Charles Manson
fucking parole if it wasn't for one thing.
1197
01:11:37,720 --> 01:11:41,725
- He's Charles Manson.
- I get it.
1198
01:11:41,800 --> 01:11:47,330
Maybe I don't blame you.
But things change at the end of the road.
1199
01:11:48,160 --> 01:11:50,925
Willie?
1200
01:11:51,000 --> 01:11:53,571
- Willie, you in there?
- Get rid of him.
1201
01:11:56,920 --> 01:11:58,888
- Is this an emergency?
- No.
1202
01:11:59,000 --> 01:12:01,576
I just wanted to invite you
to the Christmas concert tomorrow, Willie.
1203
01:12:01,600 --> 01:12:02,681
I'm singing in the choir.
1204
01:12:02,760 --> 01:12:06,242
We're doing all the Christmas carols,
"Silent Night," "Deck the Halls,"
1205
01:12:06,320 --> 01:12:09,529
"Jingle Bells," "Veni, Veni, Emmanuel ."
That one's in Latin.
1206
01:12:09,600 --> 01:12:13,082
I know you're busy, but it's only for
an hour and all the parents are coming.
1207
01:12:13,160 --> 01:12:15,242
And I know you're not my real family,
1208
01:12:15,320 --> 01:12:18,688
but when you don't have real family,
then you have to make a new one.
1209
01:12:18,760 --> 01:12:20,576
And it's actually better
because then you get to pick the people
1210
01:12:20,600 --> 01:12:22,045
who are in your family.
1211
01:12:22,120 --> 01:12:23,485
And you're the family I picked.
1212
01:12:25,000 --> 01:12:27,207
And that's why I followed you to Chicago.
1213
01:12:27,320 --> 01:12:29,320
Because I didn't want you
to spend Christmas alone.
1214
01:12:31,080 --> 01:12:34,163
So can you come? And then maybe
after we can go to SantaCon or...
1215
01:12:34,240 --> 01:12:37,084
I, I can't. I can't come.
1216
01:12:43,240 --> 01:12:47,529
- Look, I'll try to make it. Okay?
- Okay. I'll look for you, Willie.
1217
01:12:47,600 --> 01:12:49,376
I'll look for you
and I'll wave like this. Okay?
1218
01:12:49,400 --> 01:12:51,289
Yeah. Okay, All right. Good deal.
1219
01:12:51,360 --> 01:12:55,251
- All right. I'll see you.
- Bye, Willie.
1220
01:12:56,960 --> 01:13:01,010
What are you, the fucking FBI?
That place is gonna be crowded.
1221
01:13:01,080 --> 01:13:02,525
He won't even know I'm not there.
1222
01:13:02,600 --> 01:13:04,170
- Good.
- Good night, Elf!
1223
01:13:04,240 --> 01:13:06,200
For a minute there,
I thought you were going soft.
1224
01:13:09,880 --> 01:13:13,726
I hate your guts, motherfucker.
But business is business.
1225
01:13:13,800 --> 01:13:15,086
Let's do this.
1226
01:13:20,880 --> 01:13:22,576
- Hi, thank you so much for coming.
- Okay?
1227
01:13:22,600 --> 01:13:24,736
- You look gorgeous.
- Amazing. H I, good to see you.
1228
01:13:28,000 --> 01:13:31,083
- Time?
- Concert starts in five.
1229
01:13:40,840 --> 01:13:43,047
As you know,
Christmas is a time for giving.
1230
01:13:43,120 --> 01:13:45,600
And we want to thank you all
for being here tonight.
1231
01:13:50,680 --> 01:13:54,844
All right, let's sync them up, boys.
At 7:45, the power goes down.
1232
01:13:54,920 --> 01:13:56,001
That's on me.
1233
01:13:56,080 --> 01:13:59,084
You got ten minutes to get
to Regent's office, crack that safe,
1234
01:13:59,160 --> 01:14:01,447
grab the money,
throw it down the garbage chute
1235
01:14:01,520 --> 01:14:04,649
and then get the hell out of there
before anybody knows what's hit them.
1236
01:14:04,720 --> 01:14:09,965
Now please join me in welcoming
the Giving City Children's Choir.
1237
01:14:13,560 --> 01:14:17,360
And without further ado, I would like
to introduce our choirmaster, Renee.
1238
01:14:19,360 --> 01:14:22,807
You got a match? Well, send it over!
1239
01:14:22,880 --> 01:14:26,965
Now we're gonna get this party started
with an old favorite.
1240
01:14:27,040 --> 01:14:29,441
♪ Deck the halls with boughs of holly ♪
1241
01:14:29,520 --> 01:14:31,966
♪ Fa la la la la la la la la ♪
1242
01:14:32,040 --> 01:14:36,841
♪ Tis the season to be jolly
Fa la la la la la la la la ♪
1243
01:14:36,920 --> 01:14:42,006
♪ Sing we joyous all together
Fa la la la la la la la la ♪
1244
01:14:42,120 --> 01:14:47,251
♪ Heedless of the wind and weather
Fa la la la la la la la la ♪
1245
01:14:47,320 --> 01:14:53,805
♪ Fa la la la la la la la la
La la la ♪
1246
01:14:57,040 --> 01:14:59,520
- This is all your handiwork.
- Huh?
1247
01:14:59,640 --> 01:15:03,042
The money you helped us raise,
it gave Christmas to these kids.
1248
01:15:03,120 --> 01:15:05,088
You're part of the family now.
1249
01:15:13,000 --> 01:15:14,047
Hmm.
1250
01:15:16,320 --> 01:15:18,846
Ugh! Boring.
1251
01:15:20,880 --> 01:15:24,089
Ooh, no teeth. That's hot.
1252
01:15:30,880 --> 01:15:31,927
Oh.
1253
01:15:35,800 --> 01:15:39,930
Oh, yeah. Who's got the pussy lips now,
motherfucker?
1254
01:15:41,360 --> 01:15:43,656
- I never gave you this.
- Thank you. Thank you.
1255
01:15:43,680 --> 01:15:44,681
Room 523.
1256
01:15:44,760 --> 01:15:46,536
I'd like to call to the stage now
1257
01:15:46,560 --> 01:15:50,121
a very special member of our choir.
1258
01:15:50,200 --> 01:15:54,171
Please say hello to Thurman Merman.
Thurman?
1259
01:16:02,320 --> 01:16:06,370
♪Silent night ♪
1260
01:16:06,440 --> 01:16:10,729
♪ Holy night ♪
1261
01:16:10,800 --> 01:16:14,122
♪ All is calm ♪
1262
01:16:15,040 --> 01:16:18,408
♪ All is bright ♪
1263
01:16:18,480 --> 01:16:25,489
♪ 'Round yon virgin mother and child ♪
1264
01:16:27,280 --> 01:16:33,925
♪ Holy infant so tender and mild ♪
1265
01:16:35,240 --> 01:16:42,124
♪ Sleep in heavenly peace ♪
1266
01:16:43,920 --> 01:16:49,563
♪ Sleep in heavenly peace ♪
1267
01:16:52,040 --> 01:16:55,931
♪ Silent night ♪
1268
01:16:56,000 --> 01:17:00,289
♪ Holy night ♪
1269
01:17:00,360 --> 01:17:07,005
♪ Shepherds quake at the sight ♪
1270
01:17:08,320 --> 01:17:15,169
♪ Glories stream from heaven afar ♪
1271
01:17:16,600 --> 01:17:23,370
♪ Heavenly hosts sing hallelujah ♪
1272
01:17:24,240 --> 01:17:31,124
♪ Christ the savior is born ♪
1273
01:17:32,760 --> 01:17:37,721
♪ Christ the savior is born ♪
1274
01:17:41,200 --> 01:17:42,850
Find them. All of them!
1275
01:18:05,880 --> 01:18:07,325
Go! Go, go, go, go!
1276
01:18:09,160 --> 01:18:11,640
Gina, check the security cameras.
1277
01:18:11,720 --> 01:18:13,051
Copy, checking.
1278
01:18:14,560 --> 01:18:15,561
Oh, shit!
1279
01:18:25,240 --> 01:18:28,323
- Three minutes, Willie, come on!
- Shut the fuck up! I can't hear.
1280
01:18:28,400 --> 01:18:30,971
Just hurry your ass!
1281
01:18:37,800 --> 01:18:38,881
What the hell is this?
1282
01:18:38,960 --> 01:18:40,456
Wait, bring up my office,
I wanna see the safe.
1283
01:18:40,480 --> 01:18:42,687
I can't, sir.
It still has eight minutes to reboot.
1284
01:18:42,760 --> 01:18:44,125
What? Call the police!
1285
01:18:44,240 --> 01:18:45,730
- Let's go, come on!
- I'm on it.
1286
01:18:46,520 --> 01:18:50,047
Well, that can't be more
than half a million, 600 tops.
1287
01:18:50,160 --> 01:18:51,810
Well, fuck, that's all we got.
1288
01:18:51,880 --> 01:18:54,531
Perfect amount for my cut.
1289
01:18:57,720 --> 01:19:02,886
Are you shitting me? Really?
You know the old lady's right.
1290
01:19:05,440 --> 01:19:07,568
Not so big now, are you?
1291
01:19:24,720 --> 01:19:27,485
Come on, come on,
come on, come on.
1292
01:19:29,360 --> 01:19:30,964
Motherfuckers!
1293
01:19:31,040 --> 01:19:36,126
- Lock it down. The whole building!
- We're on a level-ten lockdown.
1294
01:19:36,200 --> 01:19:37,486
Lockdown level ten.
1295
01:19:39,480 --> 01:19:41,369
- Get in!
- You get in!
1296
01:19:41,440 --> 01:19:43,440
Evacuate the concert!
And search everyone.
1297
01:19:52,480 --> 01:19:55,882
Halle-fucking-lujah!
1298
01:19:55,960 --> 01:19:58,042
Oh, baby!
1299
01:20:00,760 --> 01:20:02,205
Oh!
1300
01:20:03,400 --> 01:20:05,323
Sweet Jesus, you made it!
1301
01:20:05,400 --> 01:20:08,244
What's the fucking Santy Claus outfit
all about?
1302
01:20:08,320 --> 01:20:10,004
Now step the fuck back!
1303
01:20:10,080 --> 01:20:13,209
- What are you doing, runt?
- It's called thinning the herd.
1304
01:20:13,280 --> 01:20:16,648
World's gonna be a better place
without the fucking Sokes in it.
1305
01:20:16,720 --> 01:20:19,087
I'm gonna live like a king this time.
1306
01:20:19,160 --> 01:20:22,482
- A fucking sultan!
- Not in this lifetime, Sparky.
1307
01:20:22,560 --> 01:20:26,281
- The bag goes with me.
- You mean with us.
1308
01:20:26,360 --> 01:20:30,046
- No, I mean me.
- What the fuck did you just say?
1309
01:20:30,120 --> 01:20:34,250
When I said this was my last job,
I meant it was my last job with you.
1310
01:20:35,920 --> 01:20:39,641
I knew I should've left, second
I saw your miserable fucking face.
1311
01:20:41,360 --> 01:20:43,010
Why did I forget?
1312
01:20:43,080 --> 01:20:46,527
N ice job on the safe, though.
Yeah, I'm real proud of you.
1313
01:20:46,600 --> 01:20:48,967
Well, you know something, Mama?
1314
01:20:49,040 --> 01:20:51,042
Maybe you're not as smart
as you think you are.
1315
01:20:51,120 --> 01:20:54,602
Did you forget about this?
1316
01:20:54,680 --> 01:20:57,524
Oh, how could I have forgotten?
1317
01:20:58,560 --> 01:21:01,882
Go ahead. Shoot me, shitstick.
1318
01:21:17,360 --> 01:21:19,089
They're blanks, Willie.
1319
01:21:19,160 --> 01:21:23,848
You really think I'd be dumb enough
to put real bullets in that gun?
1320
01:21:23,920 --> 01:21:27,481
Well, I ain't afraid of you, bitch!
I'll blow a hole through your ass so...
1321
01:21:31,400 --> 01:21:32,970
The fuck?
1322
01:21:33,040 --> 01:21:34,976
Drop your weapons!
Put your hands in the...
1323
01:21:35,000 --> 01:21:38,368
Hey, hang on a second. She's got
the money, I'm just a fucking guy!
1324
01:22:04,680 --> 01:22:07,160
Willie! Hey, Willie!
1325
01:22:17,600 --> 01:22:20,444
Ticket please.
1326
01:22:37,760 --> 01:22:40,411
Let us through right now.
We're chasing a suspect.
1327
01:23:11,840 --> 01:23:15,890
Come here.
1328
01:23:32,120 --> 01:23:34,202
Come on, man.
1329
01:23:52,400 --> 01:23:55,085
Hey!
1330
01:23:55,160 --> 01:23:59,484
- Found this on the coffee table.
- Well, hoo-fucking-rah, William.
1331
01:23:59,560 --> 01:24:02,245
Well, give me the fucking bag.
I'm taking this back to the kids.
1332
01:24:02,320 --> 01:24:04,527
I'd rather them have it
than your sorry ass.
1333
01:24:04,640 --> 01:24:08,326
- Don't test me, boy.
- You're gonna shoot me too?
1334
01:24:12,680 --> 01:24:19,086
- You fucking shot me!
- I told you I would. You never listen.
1335
01:24:21,680 --> 01:24:25,526
Let go of the bag, William.
Let go of the bag.
1336
01:24:25,600 --> 01:24:29,047
Goddamn it, let go of the fucking bag!
1337
01:24:36,720 --> 01:24:39,007
Money!
1338
01:24:40,120 --> 01:24:42,930
It's raining money!
1339
01:24:47,480 --> 01:24:48,925
She's got a gun!
1340
01:24:51,680 --> 01:24:53,330
Willie!
1341
01:24:57,480 --> 01:24:58,896
Drop the weapon! Get down!
1342
01:24:58,920 --> 01:25:00,922
The fuck is going on? Hey, goddamn it!
1343
01:25:01,400 --> 01:25:04,449
I caught a fucking
midget-murdering fucking armed robber.
1344
01:25:04,520 --> 01:25:06,045
I'm a goddamn hero.
1345
01:25:24,120 --> 01:25:27,090
Don't worry, Willie. I'm okay.
It's just in my butt.
1346
01:25:29,680 --> 01:25:30,681
Willie?
1347
01:25:30,760 --> 01:25:33,604
No!
1348
01:25:36,160 --> 01:25:38,128
Oh, f...
1349
01:25:39,080 --> 01:25:43,404
Stand clear.
1350
01:25:45,320 --> 01:25:50,247
Oh! Fuck me!
1351
01:25:52,320 --> 01:25:55,244
- Merry Christmas.
- Yeah.
1352
01:26:01,200 --> 01:26:04,329
Well, I guess this is
what they call a happy ending.
1353
01:26:04,400 --> 01:26:08,325
But as far as Christmas miracles go,
shit, I don't know.
1354
01:26:08,400 --> 01:26:11,210
That asshole Regent ended up
getting busted
1355
01:26:11,280 --> 01:26:14,489
while I got off clean by ratting out
my steaming pile of shit mother.
1356
01:26:16,600 --> 01:26:20,161
Guess I did learn one thing about family
from that crazy bitch.
1357
01:26:20,240 --> 01:26:23,528
And that is, if yours happens to be
a bag of dicks, then fuck them.
1358
01:26:23,600 --> 01:26:26,251
- Start over.
- ♪ Oh yeah candles burning low ♪
1359
01:26:27,560 --> 01:26:29,483
♪ Lots of mistletoe ♪
1360
01:26:30,520 --> 01:26:33,603
♪ Lots of snow and ice ♪
1361
01:26:33,680 --> 01:26:36,604
♪ Everywhere we go ♪
1362
01:26:36,680 --> 01:26:39,331
♪ Choirs singing carols ♪
1363
01:26:39,400 --> 01:26:42,131
♪ Right outside my door ♪
1364
01:26:42,200 --> 01:26:45,204
♪ All these things and more ♪
1365
01:26:45,280 --> 01:26:47,487
♪ All these things and more, babe ♪
1366
01:26:47,560 --> 01:26:55,560
♪ That's what Christmas means to me
My love ♪
1367
01:26:56,240 --> 01:26:58,402
♪ Yeah ♪
1368
01:27:00,200 --> 01:27:03,841
So maybe there is no such thing
as a Christmas miracle, or whatever.
1369
01:27:07,240 --> 01:27:11,404
But I've worn the suit enough to know
a perfect Christmas gift when I see one.
1370
01:27:15,880 --> 01:27:20,442
And like the kid says,
"The best gifts are always a surprise. "
1371
01:27:27,560 --> 01:27:30,689
So if a happy ending is staring at you
right in the fucking face,
1372
01:27:30,760 --> 01:27:35,448
then just say, "All right,
I guess I'll take it. "
1373
01:27:35,560 --> 01:27:38,962
♪ And wish you a Merry Christmas, baby ♪
1374
01:27:39,040 --> 01:27:40,644
♪ Wish you a Merry Christmas, baby ♪
1375
01:27:40,720 --> 01:27:46,841
♪ And such happiness in the coming year ♪
1376
01:27:46,920 --> 01:27:50,242
♪ Baby, baby, baby ♪
1377
01:27:50,320 --> 01:27:52,641
♪ All these things and more, baby ♪
1378
01:27:52,720 --> 01:27:59,444
♪ That's what Christmas means to me
My love ♪
1378
01:28:00,305 --> 01:28:06,946
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