1
00:00:06,000 --> 00:00:12,074
Advertise your product or brand here
contact www.OpenSubtitles.org today

2
00:00:36,760 --> 00:00:37,807
(rock music plays)

3
00:00:38,080 --> 00:00:39,650
Girls: Not

4
00:00:39,920 --> 00:00:40,920
Not

5
00:00:51,960 --> 00:00:52,960
Not

6
00:00:53,160 --> 00:00:54,844
Now we're Glamthrax

7
00:00:55,160 --> 00:00:56,491
And we take no shit

8
00:00:56,760 --> 00:00:58,842
And we don't care
for writing hits

9
00:00:59,160 --> 00:01:01,128
The sound you hear
is what we like

10
00:01:01,400 --> 00:01:03,801
And I'll steal your
puppets like I stole your...

11
00:01:04,080 --> 00:01:05,684
Socks.

12
00:01:06,000 --> 00:01:07,400
Yo, man,
what's the matter with you?

13
00:01:07,480 --> 00:01:08,896
Sorry, I'll get it next time,
I promise.

14
00:01:08,920 --> 00:01:10,888
Colleen beats the beats,
the beats you beat

15
00:01:11,160 --> 00:01:13,208
The only thing harder
is the smell of my feet

16
00:01:13,480 --> 00:01:16,086
So listen up 'cause
you might get dissed

17
00:01:16,360 --> 00:01:18,124
go drain the lizard or take a...

18
00:01:18,440 --> 00:01:19,440
Chair.

19
00:01:19,520 --> 00:01:21,807
Damn, c'mon, girl,
watch the beat.

20
00:01:22,080 --> 00:01:23,360
I'm on your case
I'm in your face

21
00:01:23,600 --> 00:01:25,045
Get you and your
father back in place

22
00:01:25,360 --> 00:01:26,725
Step up sucker understand

23
00:01:27,000 --> 00:01:28,520
- Don't you know that...
- I'm the man.

24
00:01:28,680 --> 00:01:29,681
- I'm the man
- I'm bad

25
00:01:29,960 --> 00:01:31,360
I'm so bad
I should be in detention.

26
00:01:31,520 --> 00:01:32,567
I'm the man!

27
00:01:32,840 --> 00:01:33,840
All right.

28
00:01:34,000 --> 00:01:35,809
We've got real def rhythms

29
00:01:36,120 --> 00:01:37,246
And fresh new jams

30
00:01:37,520 --> 00:01:38,248
You say we got egos

31
00:01:38,520 --> 00:01:39,601
But we're just hams

32
00:01:39,920 --> 00:01:40,920
Roof shit, top shelf

33
00:01:41,120 --> 00:01:42,120
And we like to skate

34
00:01:42,360 --> 00:01:43,930
But we're never on time,
we're always...

35
00:01:44,200 --> 00:01:45,406
- Sleeping.
- Late.

36
00:01:45,680 --> 00:01:46,680
Damn it.

37
00:01:46,840 --> 00:01:48,016
The important thing
is that you tried.

38
00:01:48,040 --> 00:01:49,485
Yeah.

39
00:01:49,800 --> 00:01:51,450
I'm on your case
I'm in your face

40
00:01:51,760 --> 00:01:53,136
Put you and your
father back in place

41
00:01:53,160 --> 00:01:54,491
Step up sucker, understand

42
00:01:54,800 --> 00:01:55,323
- Don't you know that...
- Colleen C.: I'm the man.

43
00:01:55,640 --> 00:01:56,640
I'm the man, I'm bad.

44
00:01:56,880 --> 00:01:58,056
I'm so bad I should be
in detention.

45
00:01:58,080 --> 00:02:00,481
- I'm the man!
- Colleen C.: All right

46
00:02:00,760 --> 00:02:01,841
So

47
00:02:02,120 --> 00:02:03,849
As this rap is winding down

48
00:02:04,120 --> 00:02:06,407
It's plain to see
we wear the crown

49
00:02:06,680 --> 00:02:08,762
You know Glamthrax is number one

50
00:02:09,040 --> 00:02:10,769
But we don't care,
we just wanna have...

51
00:02:11,040 --> 00:02:12,530
A festival.

52
00:02:12,800 --> 00:02:14,360
Fun, Colleen,
girls just wanna have fun.

53
00:02:14,400 --> 00:02:15,526
Hey, that's a song

54
00:02:15,800 --> 00:02:17,404
Colleen

55
00:02:17,680 --> 00:02:19,284
Mailed the mail,
the mail she mailed

56
00:02:19,560 --> 00:02:20,920
We are the queens
so all shall hail

57
00:02:21,160 --> 00:02:23,083
We're like a diamond is forever

58
00:02:23,360 --> 00:02:25,442
And we'll remain the hardest

59
00:02:25,720 --> 00:02:30,760
Ever

60
00:02:35,440 --> 00:02:37,647
I'm so bad it's a crime.

61
00:02:37,920 --> 00:02:38,920
Not.

62
00:02:39,640 --> 00:02:40,971
Not, not, not, not-not

63
00:02:42,120 --> 00:02:43,360
(microphone thuds to the floor)

64
00:02:43,400 --> 00:02:48,691
(drum solo)

65
00:03:15,200 --> 00:03:16,200
Ichabod: Woo!

66
00:03:17,000 --> 00:03:18,000
Yeah.

67
00:03:18,640 --> 00:03:24,727
(laughing)

68
00:03:26,280 --> 00:03:28,009
Look at his cute little nipples.

69
00:03:28,280 --> 00:03:30,681
- Oh, my god, Ichabod, cover up.
- (camera clicks)

70
00:03:30,960 --> 00:03:34,203
(videogame music)

71
00:03:36,880 --> 00:03:38,962
You know, I don't have to come
and beat the skins

72
00:03:39,280 --> 00:03:40,280
for you two Beliebers.

73
00:03:40,360 --> 00:03:41,520
- Colleen M.: Shut up.
- Yeah.

74
00:03:41,560 --> 00:03:42,925
You know we love you, Icha-wad.

75
00:03:43,240 --> 00:03:44,960
Remember when he ripped
off his shirt before

76
00:03:45,000 --> 00:03:46,604
and we saw his yummy Icha-bod?

77
00:03:46,920 --> 00:03:50,527
I nearly wrote a whole blog about
it, girl, hasthtag Ichagod.

78
00:03:50,840 --> 00:03:52,968
- You did?
- I did not.

79
00:03:53,240 --> 00:03:55,049
- Not, not, not-not
- (laughs)

80
00:03:55,320 --> 00:03:56,845
(knocking)

81
00:03:58,280 --> 00:03:59,280
No.

82
00:03:59,480 --> 00:04:03,121
- Shit.
- Ichabod: No, what's that noise?

83
00:04:03,400 --> 00:04:06,961
Oh, no, do you two
uncompromising rebel riot girls

84
00:04:07,240 --> 00:04:08,969
actually have to
go back to work?

85
00:04:09,240 --> 00:04:11,481
- Shut up, Icha-bodily functions.
- Yeah.

86
00:04:11,760 --> 00:04:14,127
Excuse me,
Condescending Riot Girls.

87
00:04:14,440 --> 00:04:18,240
Uh, we'll take two packs of
smokes, gimme a bag of milk,

88
00:04:18,520 --> 00:04:20,656
and why don't you throw in
the best most exciting years

89
00:04:20,680 --> 00:04:22,648
of your life
stuck behind a counter, eh?

90
00:04:22,920 --> 00:04:23,920
You're a dick, Ichabod.

91
00:04:24,040 --> 00:04:25,040
Oh, that's mean.

92
00:04:25,200 --> 00:04:27,043
I call you Dickabod.

93
00:04:27,920 --> 00:04:28,284
(door slams)

94
00:04:28,560 --> 00:04:31,245
I can't believe it took you this
long to think of Dickabod!

95
00:04:36,760 --> 00:04:37,807
(sighs)

96
00:04:38,560 --> 00:04:40,449
(knocking)

97
00:04:51,760 --> 00:04:53,250
(shop door dings)

98
00:04:53,560 --> 00:04:56,882
Both: Sorry aboot that.
Sorry aboot that.

99
00:04:57,400 --> 00:04:58,970
Sorry aboot that.

100
00:05:00,000 --> 00:05:01,809
Sorry aboot that.

101
00:05:05,040 --> 00:05:06,121
Sorry aboot that.

102
00:05:06,400 --> 00:05:08,368
Now, that was a lot
longer than 10 minutes.

103
00:05:08,640 --> 00:05:11,769
My best friend was having lady
problems in the bathroom, okay?

104
00:05:12,080 --> 00:05:13,080
May I shop?

105
00:05:13,240 --> 00:05:14,240
Sure.

106
00:05:15,440 --> 00:05:16,440
(snickers)

107
00:05:16,560 --> 00:05:18,801
Sir Pedophile-in-Denial.

108
00:05:19,080 --> 00:05:20,684
So I'll see you guys Friday, eh?

109
00:05:23,200 --> 00:05:25,601
I said, eh?

110
00:05:28,720 --> 00:05:31,690
(creepy whisper)
Wunderbar

111
00:05:40,240 --> 00:05:41,810
Hi.

112
00:05:42,120 --> 00:05:45,124
Um, True Norths,
this week's issue of Them,

113
00:05:45,400 --> 00:05:46,845
and his Pucky Charms.

114
00:05:48,160 --> 00:05:49,844
And, um...
(whispers) Condoms.

115
00:05:54,840 --> 00:05:57,366
Oh, my god,
this is about you two.

116
00:05:57,640 --> 00:05:59,927
Yes, ma'am, and we hate it.

117
00:06:00,200 --> 00:06:02,043
It says here
that you saved a man's life.

118
00:06:02,320 --> 00:06:04,240
But it's, like, dumb
because the guy was a walrus

119
00:06:04,280 --> 00:06:06,601
- and not a manatee.
- There's a big difference.

120
00:06:06,880 --> 00:06:08,769
Yeah, a walrus has
tusks and manatees don't.

121
00:06:09,040 --> 00:06:11,771
Did you know they called
the manatee a sea cow?

122
00:06:12,040 --> 00:06:15,681
Moo, I'm utterly underwater, eh?
Moo, moo, eh?

123
00:06:15,960 --> 00:06:17,689
(laughing)

124
00:06:17,960 --> 00:06:19,640
That's her underwater cow,
it's hysterical.

125
00:06:19,800 --> 00:06:21,962
That is funny. C'mon, Wayne.

126
00:06:27,320 --> 00:06:33,362
Moo, moo, moo.
I'm a loser, eh?

127
00:06:33,640 --> 00:06:34,640
(laughing)

128
00:06:36,440 --> 00:06:38,363
Okay, that kid rules.

129
00:06:38,640 --> 00:06:40,563
More of that,
less of everything else ever.

130
00:06:41,960 --> 00:06:49,960
("Wishing Well" by
Terence Trent D'arby)

131
00:06:54,120 --> 00:06:55,960
Hunter Calloway's here,
Hunter Calloway's here!

132
00:06:56,040 --> 00:06:58,805
Oh, my god,
could you stop being so basic?

133
00:06:59,080 --> 00:07:01,811
Oh, I gotta Gram the shit
outta this.

134
00:07:02,080 --> 00:07:08,247
(videogame music)

135
00:07:08,520 --> 00:07:10,648
The little Colleen Coalition.

136
00:07:10,920 --> 00:07:12,416
- The only sassy, sexy...
- (camera clicks)

137
00:07:12,440 --> 00:07:15,967
sophomores in Honors history
rockin' the smocks.

138
00:07:17,960 --> 00:07:18,563
Where's the Pepto Bismol?

139
00:07:18,880 --> 00:07:24,808
(videogame music)

140
00:07:25,080 --> 00:07:27,367
- Ew, it's over there.
- (grunts)

141
00:07:27,680 --> 00:07:29,921
Sorry aboot that,
he's such a sitcom.

142
00:07:30,200 --> 00:07:31,560
Yeah, well,
we close in 20 minutes,

143
00:07:31,800 --> 00:07:33,280
so if he pukes,
you're cleaning it up.

144
00:07:33,560 --> 00:07:36,689
Let me ask you somethin',
you ladies like workin' the Zed?

145
00:07:36,960 --> 00:07:38,610
- Not at all.
- Customers make it suck.

146
00:07:38,880 --> 00:07:41,850
(burps) Yeah, you know what
wouldn't suck?

147
00:07:42,120 --> 00:07:45,124
Colleen and Colleen
with me in between.

148
00:07:45,440 --> 00:07:48,410
The very definition of suck.

149
00:07:48,680 --> 00:07:51,206
Are the Colleen's, perchance,
working tomorrow?

150
00:07:51,480 --> 00:07:53,562
Not on a Friday night, no way.

151
00:07:53,840 --> 00:07:54,887
We're off, why?

152
00:07:55,200 --> 00:07:58,010
I would like to invite
you both to my party.

153
00:07:58,280 --> 00:07:59,280
A senior party?

154
00:07:59,360 --> 00:08:00,566
A neenior nardy?

155
00:08:00,880 --> 00:08:04,089
Now with two very
cool sophomores.

156
00:08:05,480 --> 00:08:08,370
May I have the honor of
your number, mademoiselle?

157
00:08:21,200 --> 00:08:24,409
- (rustling)
- (creepy mumbling)

158
00:08:24,680 --> 00:08:25,920
Who's there?

159
00:08:27,640 --> 00:08:30,928
Come out, come out,
wherever you are.

160
00:08:34,320 --> 00:08:37,927
- (creepy mumbling) Wunderbar.

161
00:08:38,200 --> 00:08:40,168
(screams)

162
00:08:40,440 --> 00:08:43,046
- (stomach gurgling)
- Oh, oh.

163
00:08:43,520 --> 00:08:46,490
Get out of my bum!

164
00:08:46,800 --> 00:08:48,211
(screams)

165
00:08:48,480 --> 00:08:50,080
Ms. McKenzie:
A grade 12 party with boys?

166
00:08:50,120 --> 00:08:52,282
<i>No! no, no, no, no, no, no,.</i>

167
00:08:52,600 --> 00:08:55,570
I'm not aboot to let you go to a
grade 12 party with boys, Colleen.

168
00:08:55,840 --> 00:09:00,289
(videogame music)

169
00:09:01,400 --> 00:09:04,210
It's just a grade 12 party,
it's not the Nazi Party.

170
00:09:04,520 --> 00:09:08,844
Senior boys only invite sophomore
girls to parties for one thing.

171
00:09:09,160 --> 00:09:11,256
- Well, me and Colleen don't do that.
- (bottle blows raspberry)

172
00:09:11,280 --> 00:09:14,363
And even if we did,
we have our periods this week.

173
00:09:14,640 --> 00:09:16,176
Ms. McKenzie:
No, you don't, little liar.

174
00:09:16,200 --> 00:09:19,204
We're always in-sync and I don't
get mine for two more weeks.

175
00:09:19,480 --> 00:09:22,006
Holy shit, you still get
your period Ms. McKenzie?

176
00:09:22,280 --> 00:09:23,566
(giggling)

177
00:09:23,880 --> 00:09:25,689
Please, you have to
let me go to this party.

178
00:09:26,000 --> 00:09:28,765
It's only the most important
night of my entire life.

179
00:09:29,040 --> 00:09:32,044
No way. Just the thought of
going to a grade 12 party

180
00:09:32,320 --> 00:09:34,846
has you lying to me about
your menstrual cycle.

181
00:09:35,120 --> 00:09:37,930
And you know a woman's menstrual
cycle is sacred, Colleen.

182
00:09:38,200 --> 00:09:40,806
I'm talking aboot
the period blood of women.

183
00:09:41,080 --> 00:09:42,445
(Spits)

184
00:09:42,720 --> 00:09:43,776
Colleen M.:
Please, just let me go, Mom.

185
00:09:43,800 --> 00:09:45,882
I promise won't sellout
on my gender ever again.

186
00:09:46,160 --> 00:09:49,642
On one condition,
you bring something stabby.

187
00:09:49,920 --> 00:09:52,127
They get cute, they get cut.

188
00:09:52,400 --> 00:09:53,686
Holy shit.

189
00:09:53,960 --> 00:09:55,928
I call her The Mohel,
she's my date knife.

190
00:09:56,240 --> 00:09:57,605
Thanks.

191
00:10:00,600 --> 00:10:03,410
So we start with
Pretentious Frog.

192
00:10:04,720 --> 00:10:07,530
Pretentious Frog,
"I only eat grass-fed flies."

193
00:10:07,840 --> 00:10:13,324
(videogame music)

194
00:10:14,280 --> 00:10:15,930
The Dissatisfied Customer.

195
00:10:17,360 --> 00:10:18,646
Dissatisfied Customer.

196
00:10:20,880 --> 00:10:23,121
"I don't like
the product you've given me."

197
00:10:23,440 --> 00:10:26,171
Atlas Shrugged, Atlas Shrugged.

198
00:10:27,280 --> 00:10:28,600
We've got Atlas
and then we shrug.

199
00:10:28,760 --> 00:10:31,411
Do Lasers from the Wrists,
Lasers from the Wrists.

200
00:10:31,680 --> 00:10:33,603
Yoga Fett, Yoga Fett.

201
00:10:33,880 --> 00:10:35,656
Awkward Conversationalist,
we put our foot in a mouth.

202
00:10:35,680 --> 00:10:36,727
Foot in the mouth.

203
00:10:37,000 --> 00:10:39,480
Upward Dog, our favorite canine.

204
00:10:40,200 --> 00:10:42,248
Downward Dog.

205
00:10:42,520 --> 00:10:44,602
Here we go
Three-Legged Dog.

206
00:10:44,920 --> 00:10:47,400
That's sad, Three-Legged Dog,
look at that dog.

207
00:10:47,680 --> 00:10:49,045
But you know what's sadder?

208
00:10:49,320 --> 00:10:51,322
Two-Legged Dog,
and he's in his little pushcart,

209
00:10:51,600 --> 00:10:55,127
his little makeshift wheelbarrow
and he's pushing himself along.

210
00:10:55,400 --> 00:10:58,290
We push right into
Lotus Position.

211
00:10:59,600 --> 00:11:02,809
And we feel positive
energy all around us.

212
00:11:03,080 --> 00:11:05,208
And let's hold onto that
positive energy in the room.

213
00:11:07,680 --> 00:11:09,520
But, you know,
I did read on the message boards

214
00:11:09,560 --> 00:11:11,136
at CanadianCorpses.com
that they've been finding

215
00:11:11,160 --> 00:11:13,288
body parts all over Winnipeg
for the last few months.

216
00:11:13,560 --> 00:11:16,530
(videogame music)

217
00:11:17,360 --> 00:11:17,883
Body parts?

218
00:11:18,200 --> 00:11:21,249
Oh, yeah, arms, legs,
heads, scalps, torsos,

219
00:11:21,520 --> 00:11:24,410
feet, hands, nipples, dinkies.

220
00:11:24,680 --> 00:11:26,682
- Dinkies?
- (Yogi laughs)

221
00:11:27,000 --> 00:11:30,243
I said, "Take my dinky first,
but leave me my nipples."

222
00:11:30,520 --> 00:11:32,360
It's basically a vestigial
dinky at this point.

223
00:11:32,560 --> 00:11:35,166
But you take my nipples,
and that's my identity.

224
00:11:35,440 --> 00:11:38,125
There's some real negativity in
the world, girls. But remember,

225
00:11:38,400 --> 00:11:42,246
negative space can still be a design
asset, as long as you live the Yoga Way.

226
00:11:42,560 --> 00:11:44,688
And you breathe the Yoga Way.

227
00:11:44,960 --> 00:11:47,122
And. yes, you even have to
shit the Yoga Way.

228
00:11:47,440 --> 00:11:49,616
Seriously. sit in Lotus Position
next time you're on the toilet,

229
00:11:49,640 --> 00:11:53,122
everything just falls out of you.
Like you're dumping a book bag.

230
00:11:53,440 --> 00:11:55,044
A book bag full of poo.

231
00:11:55,360 --> 00:11:58,489
(laughing)

232
00:11:58,760 --> 00:12:03,607
(rock music)

233
00:12:03,880 --> 00:12:06,770
- Go.
- (camera clicking)

234
00:12:07,600 --> 00:12:11,924
Okay. let me see.

235
00:12:12,200 --> 00:12:15,283
That one's cute. that one's cute,
don't post that one though.

236
00:12:15,560 --> 00:12:16,891
Okay. yeah, you look basic.

237
00:12:17,160 --> 00:12:21,006
Oh. what in the ham and
eggs is this all about?

238
00:12:21,280 --> 00:12:24,204
It looks like a
Vancouver Hockey Riot in here.

239
00:12:24,520 --> 00:12:25,567
What'd you do. rob a mall?

240
00:12:25,840 --> 00:12:30,880
(videogame music)

241
00:12:31,160 --> 00:12:32,605
- Hi. Dad.
- Hi, Mr. Collette.

242
00:12:32,880 --> 00:12:34,216
What are you doin'
with all these clothes?

243
00:12:34,240 --> 00:12:36,607
- We're screening outfits.
- Oh. yeah?

244
00:12:36,880 --> 00:12:38,976
Whatever gets the most likes. we
wear to the party tomorrow night.

245
00:12:39,000 --> 00:12:40,161
A grade 12 party.

246
00:12:40,440 --> 00:12:42,727
(gasps)
No!

247
00:12:43,040 --> 00:12:45,088
A grade 12 party already eh?

248
00:12:45,360 --> 00:12:47,601
(shrieks)

249
00:12:47,920 --> 00:12:50,241
Oh. where did my little girl go?

250
00:12:50,520 --> 00:12:53,444
Aw. stop.
You two are gonna make me cry.

251
00:12:53,720 --> 00:12:55,768
- Tabitha: I'm back.
- Hey. hey!

252
00:12:56,040 --> 00:12:58,725
(sighs)
That's gonna make me cry.

253
00:12:59,000 --> 00:13:00,764
- Bob: Hey. Hey.
- Hey. Hey.

254
00:13:01,040 --> 00:13:04,010
- (smooching)
- (laughing)

255
00:13:04,280 --> 00:13:07,090
(laughing)

256
00:13:07,360 --> 00:13:08,416
- A little tongue
- I bit ya. eh?

257
00:13:08,440 --> 00:13:10,283
(laughing)

258
00:13:10,600 --> 00:13:11,600
I got a bite!

259
00:13:11,680 --> 00:13:17,164
(videogame music)

260
00:13:17,480 --> 00:13:20,120
Tabitha: Oh. my god. It looks like
a Vancouver Hockey Riot in here.

261
00:13:20,360 --> 00:13:21,360
I know. I know.

262
00:13:21,520 --> 00:13:22,960
What is this.
What are you two doing?

263
00:13:23,200 --> 00:13:25,360
They're picking out their
outfits for a party tomorrow.

264
00:13:25,520 --> 00:13:26,600
(whispers)
A grade 12 party.

265
00:13:26,840 --> 00:13:28,888
Both: Oh.

266
00:13:29,200 --> 00:13:31,282
- Bob: Big time. big time.
- Oh. with seniors now.

267
00:13:31,560 --> 00:13:32,049
I know.

268
00:13:32,320 --> 00:13:35,529
She's only supposed to go
to sophomore mixers. I thought.

269
00:13:35,840 --> 00:13:38,730
Yeah. right. C'mon. Tabs,
we all know you can't think.

270
00:13:39,000 --> 00:13:40,000
(slurps)
Mm-hmm.

271
00:13:40,200 --> 00:13:41,361
Okay. okay.

272
00:13:41,680 --> 00:13:43,336
When I went to count out
the register tonight.

273
00:13:43,360 --> 00:13:44,964
The back room was a mess.
Yeah?

274
00:13:45,240 --> 00:13:46,241
Colleen.

275
00:13:46,560 --> 00:13:47,736
Tabitha: Okay. they can't be
practicing in the back

276
00:13:47,760 --> 00:13:48,841
of the store anymore. Bob.

277
00:13:49,120 --> 00:13:52,522
Last year. they blew out
the power with their amps.

278
00:13:52,800 --> 00:13:54,136
Yeah. it's bad enough the
two of them are always

279
00:13:54,160 --> 00:13:56,200
with their faces in their
phones behind the counter.

280
00:13:56,320 --> 00:13:58,049
Such pretty faces too.
Pretty faces.

281
00:13:58,360 --> 00:14:00,522
Lock up the store and go
play their so-called music

282
00:14:00,800 --> 00:14:03,770
in the backroom with
that pederast loser.

283
00:14:04,080 --> 00:14:06,367
- He's not a loser.
- God knows what else. eh?

284
00:14:06,640 --> 00:14:08,722
That's disgusting.
Absolutely disgusting.

285
00:14:09,040 --> 00:14:10,451
And. like. who are we? You?

286
00:14:10,720 --> 00:14:12,688
Skeezing on losers
is your superpower.

287
00:14:13,000 --> 00:14:14,889
This isn't skeezing. okay?

288
00:14:15,160 --> 00:14:17,367
I fell in love with your father.

289
00:14:17,640 --> 00:14:19,768
After he made you manager.

290
00:14:20,040 --> 00:14:22,247
Tabitha: And as manager.
You know what I've noticed?

291
00:14:22,520 --> 00:14:23,931
Where'd all the
beaver stuffies go?

292
00:14:24,200 --> 00:14:25,929
(gasps)
Not the beavers!

293
00:14:26,200 --> 00:14:27,281
Oh yeah.

294
00:14:27,600 --> 00:14:29,807
- No. that's a big seller.
- Yeah. yeah.

295
00:14:30,080 --> 00:14:32,242
Tabitha: They didn't sell 'em.
I checked the receipts.

296
00:14:32,560 --> 00:14:34,289
She checked
She checked the receipts.

297
00:14:34,600 --> 00:14:36,682
Where'd all my beavers go?

298
00:14:36,960 --> 00:14:39,406
Frankly. Tabitha. I don't
give a damn about your beavers.

299
00:14:39,680 --> 00:14:41,045
(chuckling)

300
00:14:42,400 --> 00:14:43,890
Goddamned yoga hosers.

301
00:14:44,200 --> 00:14:45,690
Where's little
Miss Wo-Manager going?

302
00:14:45,960 --> 00:14:47,416
We're just gonna go in
our room and we're gonna

303
00:14:47,440 --> 00:14:49,363
I'm gonna we're just gonna
go watch a movie.

304
00:14:49,640 --> 00:14:52,564
- Okay?
- Oh can you just do me a favor?

305
00:14:52,840 --> 00:14:58,085
Can you just leave
the door open. though?

306
00:14:58,920 --> 00:15:00,081
Love you. Dad.

307
00:15:03,320 --> 00:15:04,320
Close the door. Bob.

308
00:15:08,840 --> 00:15:11,207
All the way. Bob.

309
00:15:11,520 --> 00:15:12,123
She told me not to.

310
00:15:12,440 --> 00:15:15,444
God. she's the daughter.
Bob, not the parent.

311
00:15:15,720 --> 00:15:17,768
You're in charge. not her.

312
00:15:18,040 --> 00:15:19,610
What do you want me to do. eh'?

313
00:15:19,880 --> 00:15:22,565
That's my little girl.
That's my little girl.

314
00:15:22,880 --> 00:15:24,644
I'm your little girl. Bob.

315
00:15:24,920 --> 00:15:26,410
(clears throat)

316
00:15:26,680 --> 00:15:30,446
Bob. do you wanna ride
the Ferris Wheel. Bob?

317
00:15:30,720 --> 00:15:31,776
Bob: Don't talk about the
Ferris Wheel. don't talk about

318
00:15:31,800 --> 00:15:33,484
Wanna go for a ride
on the Ferris Wheel?

319
00:15:33,760 --> 00:15:34,760
Bob: I don't wanna Oh!

320
00:15:34,920 --> 00:15:36,604
You wanna jump in
the bouncy house?

321
00:15:36,920 --> 00:15:38,440
You'll let me jump
in the bouncy house?

322
00:15:38,480 --> 00:15:40,130
Twice.

323
00:15:40,400 --> 00:15:40,923
(door slams)

324
00:15:41,200 --> 00:15:43,123
- (growling)
- (laughing)

325
00:15:43,400 --> 00:15:45,562
(screams)

326
00:15:45,880 --> 00:15:49,726
("Babe" by Styx plays)

327
00:15:51,320 --> 00:15:53,971
- Oh. my god.
- What. you finished already?

328
00:15:55,000 --> 00:15:57,526
Oh. come on.

329
00:15:57,880 --> 00:15:59,405
- I'm sorry. sorry.
- (sighs)

330
00:16:00,880 --> 00:16:02,530
What is she playing?

331
00:16:02,800 --> 00:16:03,881
(singing "Babe" by Styx)

332
00:16:04,200 --> 00:16:09,969
(signing) Babe I'm leavin'
I must be on my way

333
00:16:10,280 --> 00:16:13,443
- The time is drawing near.

334
00:16:13,720 --> 00:16:15,643
I used to sing this to her
when she was a baby.

335
00:16:15,960 --> 00:16:16,324
(singing continues)

336
00:16:16,600 --> 00:16:18,409
- My train is going

337
00:16:18,680 --> 00:16:22,241
- I see it in your eyes.

338
00:16:22,520 --> 00:16:26,081
The love. the need,
your tears.

339
00:16:26,360 --> 00:16:28,408
(cries)
She she just remembers it.

340
00:16:28,720 --> 00:16:34,284
But I'll be lonely without you

341
00:16:34,600 --> 00:16:37,365
And I'll need your love
to see me through.

342
00:16:37,680 --> 00:16:40,650
She's just growing up so fast.
You know?

343
00:16:40,920 --> 00:16:44,561
So please believe me my
heart is in your hands.

344
00:16:44,840 --> 00:16:49,926
(singing along) Cause' I'll
be missing you.

345
00:16:50,520 --> 00:16:52,170
<i>(hums)</i>

346
00:16:52,440 --> 00:16:54,044
(Sobs)

347
00:16:54,440 --> 00:16:58,286
(singing continues) You know
it's you Babe.

348
00:16:58,560 --> 00:17:03,282
Whenever I get weary
and I've had enough.

349
00:17:03,560 --> 00:17:06,245
Feel like giving up.

350
00:17:06,520 --> 00:17:11,242
- (sobs) - You know
it's you Babe.

351
00:17:11,520 --> 00:17:16,811
Giving me the courage and
the strength I need.

352
00:17:17,080 --> 00:17:19,242
Please believe

353
00:17:19,560 --> 00:17:21,562
That it's true.

354
00:17:21,840 --> 00:17:24,571
(Sobs)

355
00:17:24,840 --> 00:17:30,085
Babe I love you.

356
00:17:36,480 --> 00:17:39,086
Goddamned yoga hosers.

357
00:17:39,360 --> 00:17:47,360
(music plays)

358
00:17:50,080 --> 00:17:53,801
You know it's you Babe.

359
00:17:54,080 --> 00:17:59,450
Whenever I get weary
and I've had enough.

360
00:17:59,720 --> 00:18:01,563
Feel like giving up.

361
00:18:01,840 --> 00:18:06,402
You know it's you Babe.

362
00:18:06,680 --> 00:18:12,403
Giving me the courage and
the strength I need.

363
00:18:12,680 --> 00:18:16,321
Please believe that it's true.

364
00:18:16,600 --> 00:18:19,444
(Sobs)

365
00:18:19,720 --> 00:18:22,690
Babe I love you.

366
00:18:25,760 --> 00:18:30,607
Babe I love you.

367
00:18:32,080 --> 00:18:36,210
Oooh... Babe.

368
00:18:43,120 --> 00:18:48,331
(school bell rings)

369
00:18:48,600 --> 00:18:49,965
(whistle blows)

370
00:18:50,280 --> 00:18:52,282
Ladies. Up Dog.

371
00:18:52,560 --> 00:18:55,609
One. two. three.

372
00:18:55,880 --> 00:18:56,880
(camera clicks)

373
00:18:57,160 --> 00:18:58,605
What a farce.
(snickers)

374
00:18:58,880 --> 00:19:00,600
I can't believe they
actually have the balls

375
00:19:00,720 --> 00:19:03,121
- to try to call this Yoga.
- I know.

376
00:19:05,440 --> 00:19:07,204
(camera click)

377
00:19:07,480 --> 00:19:08,925
Ms. Wicklund: How are ya. girls?

378
00:19:09,200 --> 00:19:11,009
Ms. Wicklund.
You photo bombed us.

379
00:19:11,280 --> 00:19:13,123
Way hip. Ms. Wick.

380
00:19:13,400 --> 00:19:15,164
What makes you two
think that you can sit out

381
00:19:15,440 --> 00:19:16,726
of my yoga class this morning?

382
00:19:17,000 --> 00:19:22,723
(videogame music)

383
00:19:23,080 --> 00:19:26,289
This isn't yoga.
This is like a parody of yoga.

384
00:19:26,600 --> 00:19:29,968
And our yoga instructor gave us this
note to give to you. Ms. Wicklund.

385
00:19:33,720 --> 00:19:35,640
We have permission to
sit oot anytime you do yoga

386
00:19:35,720 --> 00:19:37,882
here in Phys Ed because he
doesn't want his teachings

387
00:19:38,200 --> 00:19:40,771
derailed by what he calls.
"The abortion of Phys Ed Yoga."

388
00:19:41,080 --> 00:19:44,527
Well far be it me to argue
with a strip-mall swami.

389
00:19:44,800 --> 00:19:46,370
Uh. technically he's a yogi.
Right?

390
00:19:46,640 --> 00:19:50,122
Technically.
There's a school honor policy

391
00:19:50,400 --> 00:19:51,640
aboot camera phones in PE.

392
00:19:51,960 --> 00:19:53,086
Both: There is?

393
00:19:53,360 --> 00:19:56,250
Do any of you ladies want
to be photographed by these

394
00:19:56,520 --> 00:19:58,522
two while you're all
sweatin' like hogs?

395
00:19:58,840 --> 00:20:00,171
- All: No.
- I didn't think so.

396
00:20:00,440 --> 00:20:02,442
Is she talking aboot us'?

397
00:20:02,760 --> 00:20:05,730
No. she's talking aboot the
other two Colleens behind us.

398
00:20:06,000 --> 00:20:08,240
Ms. Wicklund: I'm talkin' aboot
you're entire generation.

399
00:20:08,440 --> 00:20:11,967
Generation Why Me? I call it.

400
00:20:13,480 --> 00:20:14,811
You live on your phones.

401
00:20:15,080 --> 00:20:18,562
You have no idea how to function like
normal people in the real world.

402
00:20:18,840 --> 00:20:20,763
Ms. Wicklund.
This isn't the real world.

403
00:20:21,080 --> 00:20:22,445
This is Canada.

404
00:20:22,720 --> 00:20:24,324
Ms. Wicklund:
Oh. is that right. eh'?

405
00:20:24,600 --> 00:20:26,400
Well. how about you save
your Can-bashin' sass

406
00:20:26,640 --> 00:20:28,961
for your tweets.
And your Facebookins'.

407
00:20:29,240 --> 00:20:32,210
And try clickin' like on this.
Girls.

408
00:20:32,480 --> 00:20:35,768
No phones for the
rest of the day!

409
00:20:36,760 --> 00:20:37,409
Both: What?

410
00:20:37,720 --> 00:20:40,644
You can get 'em back at 2:45.
After the last bell.

411
00:20:40,920 --> 00:20:43,526
Ms. Wicklund.
Our phones are who we are.

412
00:20:43,800 --> 00:20:45,976
If you take away my phone like I'm
some sort of pygmy in Monaco.

413
00:20:46,000 --> 00:20:48,606
- Who am I supposed to be?
- I feel like I'm going to pass oot.

414
00:20:48,880 --> 00:20:50,803
And now Colleen M.'s
having hot flashes.

415
00:20:51,080 --> 00:20:53,367
Ms. Wicklund: You're on a new
phone plan now. girls.

416
00:20:53,640 --> 00:20:56,564
Unlimited minutes. unlimited
looks to the world around you.

417
00:20:56,840 --> 00:20:58,842
And no roaming charges.

418
00:20:59,160 --> 00:21:02,084
So go roam.
Withoot your phones!

419
00:21:02,360 --> 00:21:04,283
Here I go.

420
00:21:04,560 --> 00:21:05,607
(thud)

421
00:21:05,880 --> 00:21:08,167
Are you happy. Ms. Wicklund?
You killed Colleen.

422
00:21:08,440 --> 00:21:12,047
(school bell rings)

423
00:21:16,600 --> 00:21:19,490
- The gym floor was really hard.
- I know. it's okay.

424
00:21:20,640 --> 00:21:23,450
Greetings.
Cess-bearing scholars.

425
00:21:23,760 --> 00:21:25,888
Are you ready to go deep
inside the annals of history?

426
00:21:26,160 --> 00:21:32,406
(videogame music)

427
00:21:32,680 --> 00:21:35,843
We're still talking aboot
World War ll.

428
00:21:36,120 --> 00:21:38,691
Fascists. Genocide.

429
00:21:38,960 --> 00:21:41,566
The worst thing that has
ever happened to human kind.

430
00:21:41,840 --> 00:21:42,489
(Gordon sighs)

431
00:21:42,760 --> 00:21:45,176
Why do we even gotta learn about
this old stuff anyway. Ms. Maurice?

432
00:21:45,200 --> 00:21:48,249
I mean. it happened. like.
A million miles away,

433
00:21:48,520 --> 00:21:49,520
like a million years ago.

434
00:21:49,640 --> 00:21:51,130
Mon dieu?

435
00:21:51,400 --> 00:21:53,846
You all think history
is so boring.

436
00:21:54,120 --> 00:21:57,602
Well. what if I told you.
During World War ll.

437
00:21:57,920 --> 00:22:00,844
There were Nazis right here.
In Winnipeg?

438
00:22:01,120 --> 00:22:04,090
All of them making
preparation for the day Hitler

439
00:22:04,360 --> 00:22:07,330
finally came to conquer
Canada and the United States.

440
00:22:07,640 --> 00:22:09,881
There were Nazis here in Canada.
Ms. Maurice?

441
00:22:10,160 --> 00:22:13,607
Ms. Maurice: Let's see. what can
I tell you about Canadian Nazis?

442
00:22:14,560 --> 00:22:18,246
Well. many years back
in the 1930's there was

443
00:22:18,520 --> 00:22:20,921
a great depression
in the True North.

444
00:22:21,240 --> 00:22:22,605
Canadians were hungry.

445
00:22:22,880 --> 00:22:25,281
Some turned their hunger into anger.
And they looked for

446
00:22:25,560 --> 00:22:28,689
someone else to blame for
the country's financial woes.

447
00:22:29,000 --> 00:22:34,086
And as a result. in Toronto.
The first Swastika Club opens.

448
00:22:34,360 --> 00:22:37,489
A pub full of drunks.
Offering up anti-Semitic rabble

449
00:22:37,800 --> 00:22:40,280
aboot deporting Canadian Jews
to the Hudson Bay.

450
00:22:40,560 --> 00:22:43,245
Wait. they wanted
to send them shopping?

451
00:22:43,520 --> 00:22:46,569
Not to the Hudson Bay
department store. Ms. Collette.

452
00:22:46,840 --> 00:22:49,241
I'm talkin' aboot the
actual Hudson Bay.

453
00:22:49,560 --> 00:22:51,000
Like.
Put them all oot in the water'?

454
00:22:51,120 --> 00:22:52,884
That's just so wrong.

455
00:22:53,160 --> 00:22:55,561
The Canadian Union of
Fascists was founded right here.

456
00:22:55,840 --> 00:22:58,969
In Winnipeg by a Manitoban.

457
00:22:59,280 --> 00:23:01,931
And over in Quebec. you had
the big kahuna of crazy himself.

458
00:23:02,240 --> 00:23:06,450
The nuttiest of all nut bars.
Adrien Arcand.

459
00:23:06,720 --> 00:23:08,927
The self-proclaimed
Canadian fuhrer.

460
00:23:09,240 --> 00:23:12,005
So. this Arcand guy was.
Like. Canadian Hitler?

461
00:23:12,280 --> 00:23:14,965
Is that as bad as.
Like. Canadian Idol?

462
00:23:15,240 --> 00:23:17,891
- Nothing's as bad as Canadian Idol.
- Right?

463
00:23:18,160 --> 00:23:21,528
Let me take you back to
a time in Canadian History

464
00:23:21,840 --> 00:23:24,844
this nation has tried
so very hard to forget.

465
00:23:25,360 --> 00:23:27,124
In this trying time...

466
00:23:27,400 --> 00:23:29,536
Ms. Maurice: Adrien Arcand
was an anti-Semitic journalist

467
00:23:29,560 --> 00:23:33,121
in Montreal who spearheaded
a series of fascist political

468
00:23:33,440 --> 00:23:36,125
movements in Quebec before
the start of World War ll.

469
00:23:37,400 --> 00:23:39,880
Why are you hungry?

470
00:23:40,160 --> 00:23:42,128
Why are you unemployed?

471
00:23:42,440 --> 00:23:47,765
Is it. as our ally in Germany.
Adolf Hitler. tells us,

472
00:23:48,080 --> 00:23:51,448
the fault of the Canadian Jew?
Yes. it is!

473
00:23:51,720 --> 00:23:53,882
(Spits)

474
00:23:54,320 --> 00:23:58,769
Now Henry Hamilton Beamish
suggests that to save

475
00:23:59,080 --> 00:24:02,801
Canada from ethnic ruin.
We must send all Canadian Jews

476
00:24:03,080 --> 00:24:04,809
to Madagascar.

477
00:24:05,080 --> 00:24:11,326
Instead. we at the Parti
National have a better plan.

478
00:24:16,280 --> 00:24:16,724
(gasping)

479
00:24:17,000 --> 00:24:20,971
First. we will round
up all Canadian Jews

480
00:24:21,280 --> 00:24:24,124
and ship them off
to the Hudson Bay.

481
00:24:24,440 --> 00:24:28,411
Then we will fire cannons
at their boats

482
00:24:28,680 --> 00:24:30,648
and sink them!

483
00:24:30,920 --> 00:24:32,410
(gasping)

484
00:24:32,680 --> 00:24:34,170
Why are you not applauding?

485
00:24:34,440 --> 00:24:36,283
Ms. Maurice: Naturally.
These atrocious ideas

486
00:24:36,560 --> 00:24:37,560
were met with derisions

487
00:24:37,680 --> 00:24:39,256
from the good and
mighty people of Quebec.

488
00:24:39,280 --> 00:24:41,965
(spits)
This plan is the shit!

489
00:24:42,240 --> 00:24:42,604
(laughs evilly)

490
00:24:42,920 --> 00:24:45,640
Ms. Maurice: But not everyone in
attendance that day was from Quebec.

491
00:24:45,800 --> 00:24:48,201
Wunderbar! Wunderbar!
(laughs)

492
00:24:50,000 --> 00:24:52,176
Ms. Maurice: Andronicus Arcane
was a brilliant scientist

493
00:24:52,200 --> 00:24:55,682
from Berlin who was teaching at the
University of Lachute in Quebec

494
00:24:55,960 --> 00:24:59,203
when he first heard the
clarion call of the Nazi Party.

495
00:24:59,520 --> 00:25:03,002
So. Adrien Arcand took Andronicus
Arcane under his wing.

496
00:25:03,440 --> 00:25:05,807
And soon there were more.

497
00:25:07,760 --> 00:25:09,683
These jackbooted thugs
would torment immigrants

498
00:25:09,960 --> 00:25:12,440
and minorities
throughout Montreal.

499
00:25:12,720 --> 00:25:17,726
They called themselves the
National Unity Party of Canada.

500
00:25:18,760 --> 00:25:21,047
Which was a very
polite way of saying

501
00:25:21,320 --> 00:25:24,324
Canadian Nazis.

502
00:25:25,560 --> 00:25:29,565
(glass shatters)

503
00:25:29,880 --> 00:25:33,646
(explosion)

504
00:25:33,920 --> 00:25:36,048
So what ever happened
to these guys. Ms. Maurice?

505
00:25:36,320 --> 00:25:37,731
They ever get caught?

506
00:25:38,000 --> 00:25:42,642
In 1940 the Service de
Quebec arrested Adrien Arcand.

507
00:25:42,920 --> 00:25:45,844
And under the War Measures Act.
Arcand was locked up

508
00:25:46,120 --> 00:25:48,361
as a security threat to
our home and native land.

509
00:25:48,640 --> 00:25:52,326
He died in 1967 still believing
Hitler would rise again.

510
00:25:52,600 --> 00:25:53,960
But what aboot
the man from Berlin?

511
00:25:54,160 --> 00:25:56,367
Oh. Yeah. What aboot him?

512
00:25:56,640 --> 00:25:58,961
Andronicus Arcane?

513
00:26:01,080 --> 00:26:03,606
He was never found.

514
00:26:03,920 --> 00:26:06,082
Poof!
(whispers) He just disappeared.

515
00:26:06,360 --> 00:26:09,569
- Both: Poof?
- (school bell rings)

516
00:26:09,880 --> 00:26:13,930
Perfect timing class dismissed.

517
00:26:24,240 --> 00:26:25,480
(groans)

518
00:26:25,760 --> 00:26:27,125
How basic.

519
00:26:27,440 --> 00:26:30,887
Straight from the Eh-to-Zed
it's the Mountie McBeaver Doll.

520
00:26:31,200 --> 00:26:33,376
(imitates Tabitha) Oh. Where did
all my beaver stuffies go?

521
00:26:33,400 --> 00:26:34,656
(imitates Colleen C.)
Well. frankly Tabitha.

522
00:26:34,680 --> 00:26:37,365
I don't give a damn
about your beavers.

523
00:26:37,640 --> 00:26:38,846
Are you doing me'?

524
00:26:39,160 --> 00:26:40,366
(laughs)

525
00:26:40,640 --> 00:26:43,484
- That's hysterical.
- I know.

526
00:26:43,760 --> 00:26:45,250
C'mon. Isn't anybody on duty?

527
00:26:45,520 --> 00:26:47,443
Who's dropping a
doodie in my office? Oh!

528
00:26:47,720 --> 00:26:53,682
(videogame music)

529
00:26:53,960 --> 00:26:57,089
What a nice surprise.
It's Lulu and Lemon.

530
00:26:57,360 --> 00:26:59,283
Both: Good afternoon
Principle Invincible.

531
00:26:59,600 --> 00:27:01,967
Good afternoon.
Colleen squared.

532
00:27:02,240 --> 00:27:03,480
We're here for our phones.

533
00:27:03,760 --> 00:27:05,336
Colleen M.:
We haven't had them since PE.

534
00:27:05,360 --> 00:27:07,010
Ms. Wicklund unjustly
confiscated them.

535
00:27:07,320 --> 00:27:08,606
And Colleen here fainted.

536
00:27:08,880 --> 00:27:10,609
- I passed oot.
- Oh!

537
00:27:10,880 --> 00:27:12,696
Colleen C.: We're not
pressing charges or anything.

538
00:27:12,720 --> 00:27:13,323
We're not going crazy.

539
00:27:13,600 --> 00:27:15,364
We just want our
phones back now. please.

540
00:27:15,640 --> 00:27:17,244
Oh. Of course girls.

541
00:27:17,520 --> 00:27:21,127
And I am so. so sorry
that that happened to you.

542
00:27:21,400 --> 00:27:24,006
The sad tale of
heart-wrenching woe.

543
00:27:24,280 --> 00:27:25,884
I mean. it could win an Oscar.

544
00:27:26,160 --> 00:27:28,606
Really. you could write it up,
sell it, and win an Oscar.

545
00:27:28,920 --> 00:27:30,649
Seriously. you could call it.

546
00:27:30,960 --> 00:27:33,247
Um. Twelve Years a Private
School Student.

547
00:27:33,880 --> 00:27:35,370
You see what I did there?

548
00:27:35,680 --> 00:27:38,365
I compared your privileged
lives to slaves.

549
00:27:38,720 --> 00:27:39,926
And that's weird.

550
00:27:40,200 --> 00:27:41,645
'Cause I'm black.

551
00:27:41,920 --> 00:27:43,001
(chuckling)

552
00:27:43,280 --> 00:27:44,280
That's not funny.

553
00:27:44,520 --> 00:27:46,727
Both: Sorry.
Principle Invincible.

554
00:27:48,760 --> 00:27:50,285
Principle Invincible: Here.

555
00:27:50,560 --> 00:27:52,080
And keep your faces
out of your phones.

556
00:27:52,280 --> 00:27:54,647
I don't care if they do have
a cool gummy rubber cover

557
00:27:54,920 --> 00:27:55,920
that you can personalize.

558
00:27:56,080 --> 00:27:57,400
- We have the same case!
- I know.

559
00:27:57,560 --> 00:27:59,722
Very trendy. my friendy.
(laughs)

560
00:28:00,040 --> 00:28:02,008
Oh. Ladies. I am an educator.

561
00:28:02,280 --> 00:28:04,296
It is my job to shape the minds
of the young and the stupid.

562
00:28:04,320 --> 00:28:09,611
So I need to be able to think.
Like the young and the stupid.

563
00:28:09,920 --> 00:28:12,571
Which means I'm not gonna let
my students be cooler than me.

564
00:28:12,880 --> 00:28:16,282
I do my research.
I read this rag. weekly.

565
00:28:16,560 --> 00:28:18,767
Oh my god.
We read that every week.

566
00:28:19,040 --> 00:28:20,040
Oh. I know.

567
00:28:20,240 --> 00:28:23,005
The "Famous People Are Just
Like You" page is the best.

568
00:28:23,280 --> 00:28:24,536
You know. when they, like,
show the celebrities

569
00:28:24,560 --> 00:28:25,856
doing normal things.
Like. just like us.

570
00:28:25,880 --> 00:28:27,320
That is the best
part of Them Weekly.

571
00:28:27,600 --> 00:28:29,921
One time they showed
Harry Styles buying bacon.

572
00:28:36,400 --> 00:28:38,721
- It was so hot.
- So hot.

573
00:28:39,000 --> 00:28:40,684
Okay. all right.
I need to run this school.

574
00:28:40,960 --> 00:28:44,009
Be good Colleens.
And be nice, all right'?

575
00:28:44,280 --> 00:28:46,123
There's enough haters
in the world already.

576
00:28:46,400 --> 00:28:50,007
Both: Yes.
Principle Invincible.

577
00:28:52,720 --> 00:28:57,089
Oh my god. my phone's dead,
my phone's dead!

578
00:28:57,360 --> 00:28:59,328
Colleen M.:
Oh my god! My phone's dead!

579
00:28:59,640 --> 00:29:02,450
Guy Lapointe: Children should
not play with dead things.

580
00:29:06,400 --> 00:29:08,641
Bonjour.

581
00:29:08,920 --> 00:29:10,206
My name is Guy Lapointe.

582
00:29:10,520 --> 00:29:15,731
(videogame music)

583
00:29:17,000 --> 00:29:20,402
Righty-oh. So the good news is

584
00:29:20,720 --> 00:29:24,327
your school library does
indeed have a copy of my book.

585
00:29:24,600 --> 00:29:32,600
Guy Lapointe and the Quite Queer
Case of the Manitoba Manatee.

586
00:29:33,080 --> 00:29:37,404
The bad news is. regrettably.
Some naughty student

587
00:29:37,720 --> 00:29:42,806
has decided to deface it
by changing the word "Guy"

588
00:29:43,080 --> 00:29:46,562
and adding in "A"
so that it says "Gay".

589
00:29:46,840 --> 00:29:48,001
(chuckling)

590
00:29:48,280 --> 00:29:50,601
And also.

591
00:29:51,040 --> 00:29:54,965
They added a set of testicles
right under my nose.

592
00:29:55,280 --> 00:29:57,760
- You see that? You see that?
- (laughing)

593
00:29:58,040 --> 00:30:00,850
With that kind of.
You know, awful poking hair,

594
00:30:01,160 --> 00:30:04,767
I don't know why.
Sticking out of them.

595
00:30:05,080 --> 00:30:06,491
You can put it down now.

596
00:30:06,760 --> 00:30:08,603
Guy: Oh. Okay.

597
00:30:08,880 --> 00:30:14,171
Haters have got to hate.
Like the douches have to douche.

598
00:30:14,440 --> 00:30:17,046
That's the life.
Right there in a nutshell.

599
00:30:17,320 --> 00:30:21,120
I'm not referring to
that nutshell either.

600
00:30:21,920 --> 00:30:24,127
I don't know if you
guys remember this.

601
00:30:24,400 --> 00:30:27,085
But you know we did meet
once before. Do you?

602
00:30:27,360 --> 00:30:28,930
- Oh. We remember you.
- Guy: You do?

603
00:30:29,200 --> 00:30:31,202
Yeah. you came to Eh-2-Zed
with that American girl

604
00:30:31,520 --> 00:30:32,520
and that podcaster.

605
00:30:32,680 --> 00:30:34,336
Yeah. You're the legendary
man hunter from Quebec.

606
00:30:34,360 --> 00:30:36,169
Yes. I am that man.

607
00:30:36,480 --> 00:30:38,209
The man who saved
the Winnipeg Walrus.

608
00:30:38,520 --> 00:30:42,241
Guy: Wow. you know something?
That's a very good title.

609
00:30:42,520 --> 00:30:46,764
Guy Lapointe and
the Winnipeg Walrus.

610
00:30:47,080 --> 00:30:50,607
Goddammit.
I should've chose that title.

611
00:30:50,880 --> 00:30:53,804
But. you know, still, we did
okay without it. I mean...

612
00:30:54,120 --> 00:30:56,441
One critic even described
my book as. like.

613
00:30:56,720 --> 00:31:02,284
You know. like a uh,
John Grisham-ist thriller

614
00:31:02,560 --> 00:31:04,562
who was set in the Canada.

615
00:31:04,880 --> 00:31:07,360
That review I
showed to my mother.

616
00:31:07,680 --> 00:31:09,170
- Aw.
- Mm.

617
00:31:09,440 --> 00:31:13,240
And you know, that was. like, the
good one, and the rest of them were

618
00:31:13,560 --> 00:31:15,130
not so kind. you see.

619
00:31:15,440 --> 00:31:18,842
I read one from the
Toronto Paper that said.

620
00:31:19,120 --> 00:31:23,967
"This is what happens when
you publish poop."

621
00:31:24,280 --> 00:31:26,521
(giggling)

622
00:31:26,800 --> 00:31:29,121
People can be goddamn
mean. You know?

623
00:31:29,400 --> 00:31:30,083
(giggling)

624
00:31:30,360 --> 00:31:32,283
Sorry. That was very rude.

625
00:31:32,560 --> 00:31:33,560
Sorry aboot that.

626
00:31:33,800 --> 00:31:36,007
Right. on to my
questions then.

627
00:31:36,280 --> 00:31:40,126
Do either of you recognize

628
00:31:40,400 --> 00:31:43,688
this very proud and
quite hairy Canadian?

629
00:31:43,960 --> 00:31:46,691
That was that giant fart
that called us yoga hosers.

630
00:31:46,960 --> 00:31:49,361
- Oh. Toilet Paper Man.
- Yeah.

631
00:31:49,680 --> 00:31:51,330
Why Toilet Paper Man?

632
00:31:51,640 --> 00:31:52,800
Cause he bought toilet paper.

633
00:31:52,960 --> 00:31:54,325
- He bought toilet paper.
- Duh.

634
00:31:54,640 --> 00:31:58,201
And for this reason alone you call
this man the Toilet Paper Man?

635
00:31:58,520 --> 00:32:00,045
- Well. yeah.
- Yeah.

636
00:32:00,360 --> 00:32:02,169
I don't mean to be a critic.
Maybe I do.

637
00:32:02,480 --> 00:32:03,925
Maybe you need to be hurt.

638
00:32:04,240 --> 00:32:06,971
I'm telling you now. that is
one of the stupidest names

639
00:32:07,280 --> 00:32:09,487
I ever heard in my life.
Very unimaginative.

640
00:32:09,760 --> 00:32:11,649
- That's pretty rude.
- Yeah.

641
00:32:11,920 --> 00:32:14,400
This man's name is
the Francois Jois.

642
00:32:14,680 --> 00:32:19,641
He's from Gatineau. Quebec.
And he was a fugitive

643
00:32:19,960 --> 00:32:22,804
from the law. and he was
hiding out right here.

644
00:32:23,080 --> 00:32:24,411
Hiding from what?

645
00:32:24,720 --> 00:32:27,326
He was hiding from the
investigating prowess of

646
00:32:27,640 --> 00:32:30,883
the Service de Quebec.
Which is kind of a joke.

647
00:32:31,160 --> 00:32:33,891
Because. like, they couldn't
find their own butt holes

648
00:32:34,160 --> 00:32:37,721
even with. like, a butt hole
application on their telephone

649
00:32:38,000 --> 00:32:40,731
to find their butt hole.

650
00:32:41,000 --> 00:32:42,286
Okay.

651
00:32:42,640 --> 00:32:44,688
I probably shouldn't say
butt hole

652
00:32:44,960 --> 00:32:46,849
to two 14-year-old girls.
I'm so sorry.

653
00:32:47,160 --> 00:32:48,650
We're 15 and a half.

654
00:32:48,920 --> 00:32:50,729
Well. whatever.

655
00:32:51,000 --> 00:32:52,000
(gasp)

656
00:32:52,080 --> 00:32:58,531
You sold a roll of Eh-2-Zed
discount brand bathroom tissue

657
00:32:58,800 --> 00:33:01,929
to the Toilet Paper Man
at what time?

658
00:33:02,200 --> 00:33:03,201
Right aboot closing.

659
00:33:03,480 --> 00:33:05,960
Yeah. he was all mad because
we had the store closed

660
00:33:06,240 --> 00:33:09,050
for. like, five minutes 'cause
we were going to the bathroom.

661
00:33:09,320 --> 00:33:11,800
You went to the
bathroom together?

662
00:33:12,080 --> 00:33:13,080
Colleen M.: Well. yeah.

663
00:33:13,320 --> 00:33:16,881
I had to poop and I don't like to
go alone there. The toilet's weird.

664
00:33:17,160 --> 00:33:19,481
So while she's pooping.

665
00:33:20,680 --> 00:33:22,808
You're sitting there with her?

666
00:33:23,080 --> 00:33:25,526
Yeah. we're best
friends. Yeah.

667
00:33:25,800 --> 00:33:26,800
Why would we not'?

668
00:33:27,040 --> 00:33:29,202
That's quite disgusting.

669
00:33:29,480 --> 00:33:30,561
(chuckling)

670
00:33:30,840 --> 00:33:34,162
Best of luck on your
academic journey.

671
00:33:34,440 --> 00:33:36,602
Um. I don't know what you
plan to do in life.

672
00:33:36,880 --> 00:33:39,167
But I can promise you that
you won't need algebra.

673
00:33:40,040 --> 00:33:41,451
I knew it.

674
00:33:41,720 --> 00:33:43,484
Good day.

675
00:33:43,800 --> 00:33:46,406
Well. wait.
What'd Toilet Paper Man do?

676
00:33:47,040 --> 00:33:49,566
Oh.

677
00:33:53,360 --> 00:33:58,048
So. Toilet Paper Man was killed.

678
00:33:59,200 --> 00:34:00,725
Oh my god.

679
00:34:01,000 --> 00:34:03,844
He was cut into.
Like. a hundred pieces.

680
00:34:04,120 --> 00:34:05,770
Ew. no way.

681
00:34:06,040 --> 00:34:08,327
Well anyway. you two
girls with the same name,

682
00:34:08,600 --> 00:34:10,329
I thank you so
much for your time.

683
00:34:10,600 --> 00:34:11,965
And I give you the Au Revoir

684
00:34:12,280 --> 00:34:14,487
that I should have
given you before.

685
00:34:14,760 --> 00:34:16,489
I thank you.

686
00:34:16,760 --> 00:34:18,444
Okay.

687
00:34:21,400 --> 00:34:25,200
Ew. Why did your dad
text me. like, <i>37</i> times?

688
00:34:25,480 --> 00:34:27,608
Oh my god.
He's making us work tonight.

689
00:34:27,920 --> 00:34:28,920
(Bob laughs)

690
00:34:29,040 --> 00:34:30,336
Colleen C.:
You're going to Niagara Falls?

691
00:34:30,360 --> 00:34:32,931
Yup. Cruising like a couple
of Californians. How bout that?

692
00:34:33,200 --> 00:34:34,611
- Right now?
- Yeah.

693
00:34:34,880 --> 00:34:36,086
Colleen C.: You can't leave.

694
00:34:36,360 --> 00:34:38,328
It's Niagara Falls. Colleen.

695
00:34:38,640 --> 00:34:40,847
We're settin' sail on
the Maid of the Mist.

696
00:34:41,120 --> 00:34:42,120
When did this happen?

697
00:34:42,240 --> 00:34:43,520
Oh. Tabitha surprised me with it

698
00:34:43,560 --> 00:34:44,976
as an early
birthday present this morning.

699
00:34:45,000 --> 00:34:46,081
Both: Tabitha.

700
00:34:46,400 --> 00:34:47,520
Bob: Okay. you listen to me.

701
00:34:47,640 --> 00:34:49,376
I left you 10 messages
and a bushel of texts.

702
00:34:49,400 --> 00:34:50,696
I'm sorry. but you gotta
work at the store tonight.

703
00:34:50,720 --> 00:34:51,881
We can't. actually.

704
00:34:52,200 --> 00:34:53,896
Yes. you can. Colleen M., 'cause
I cleared it with your mom

705
00:34:53,920 --> 00:34:55,616
and you're going to be staying with
the McKenzies until Sunday morning.

706
00:34:55,640 --> 00:34:58,610
Mr. Collette. we got invited
to a grade 12 party tonight.

707
00:34:58,880 --> 00:34:59,880
Do you not remember?

708
00:35:00,120 --> 00:35:02,521
All I remember is Tabitha
telling me somethin' about

709
00:35:02,800 --> 00:35:06,725
flying to Niagara Falls. and after
that it is a blur of bliss.

710
00:35:07,040 --> 00:35:09,168
(laughs)

711
00:35:09,440 --> 00:35:11,647
Tabitha: So happy. Bob.

712
00:35:11,960 --> 00:35:13,800
I'll get that for ya.
I love the leopard print.

713
00:35:13,840 --> 00:35:14,284
I love the leopard print.

714
00:35:14,560 --> 00:35:16,176
Okay girls. you're gonna be
working from six pm

715
00:35:16,200 --> 00:35:17,400
until closing and don't forget

716
00:35:17,600 --> 00:35:19,284
to set the alarm before
you lock up. okay?

717
00:35:19,600 --> 00:35:20,976
You did this on purpose.
Didn't you?

718
00:35:21,000 --> 00:35:23,844
You could have taken him any
day. but you picked today.

719
00:35:24,120 --> 00:35:25,376
Just so we couldn't go
to the party.

720
00:35:25,400 --> 00:35:28,370
I have no idea what you're
talking aboot. Colleen.

721
00:35:29,360 --> 00:35:30,360
(gasp)

722
00:35:30,560 --> 00:35:31,686
Goddamned yoga hosers.

723
00:35:31,960 --> 00:35:34,361
I love you so much.
Cauliflower. I love you so much.

724
00:35:34,640 --> 00:35:37,803
Listen. no boys. no boys.
No bull, no boys, no boys.

725
00:35:38,120 --> 00:35:39,256
- Okay. I gotta go.
- Colleen C.: Dad. Dad!

726
00:35:39,280 --> 00:35:43,922
- Dad. (chuckles) Dad!
You can't leave.

727
00:35:44,200 --> 00:35:45,929
- Come on. please.
- Dad. we have...

728
00:35:46,200 --> 00:35:48,931
(singing "Babe" by Styx)

729
00:35:49,200 --> 00:35:51,328
No!

730
00:35:51,600 --> 00:35:53,728
(singing "Babe" by Styx)

731
00:35:54,000 --> 00:35:55,161
(screaming)

732
00:35:55,440 --> 00:35:56,441
Oh. my god!

733
00:35:56,760 --> 00:35:59,240
Yogi: No. no. no. no, no.

734
00:35:59,560 --> 00:36:01,562
Oh. you are killing me,
do you understand me'?

735
00:36:01,840 --> 00:36:04,286
Killing me!

736
00:36:04,600 --> 00:36:06,284
Bark all you want.
Lawyer pants USA.

737
00:36:06,600 --> 00:36:08,523
I am not ceasing or desisting.

738
00:36:08,800 --> 00:36:10,131
Oh. ls that so?

739
00:36:10,440 --> 00:36:13,125
Well. I think you're being
rather obtuse and super fruity.

740
00:36:13,440 --> 00:36:16,489
So let's just say Namaste.
And leave it at that. eh?

741
00:36:16,760 --> 00:36:18,649
Namaste.

742
00:36:18,920 --> 00:36:21,491
You piece of beaver shit.

743
00:36:21,760 --> 00:36:23,967
Colleen M.: Beaver shit?

744
00:36:24,440 --> 00:36:29,446
(takes deep breath)
(chanting)

745
00:36:29,720 --> 00:36:31,449
Sorry. girls.

746
00:36:31,720 --> 00:36:34,200
I am so sorry you girls
had to hear that parasite

747
00:36:34,480 --> 00:36:36,881
stealing my energies.
With his legal entitlement.

748
00:36:37,160 --> 00:36:39,162
Why does that lawyer
from Warner Brothers even

749
00:36:39,440 --> 00:36:40,456
keep calling you Yogi Bayer'?

750
00:36:40,480 --> 00:36:41,561
Oh. who knows?

751
00:36:41,840 --> 00:36:44,650
He says there's some cartoon
character that I'm violating.

752
00:36:44,920 --> 00:36:46,763
I mean. how can you
violate a cartoon?

753
00:36:47,040 --> 00:36:48,724
How do you own a cartoon. right'?

754
00:36:49,000 --> 00:36:49,569
Both: Yeah.

755
00:36:49,840 --> 00:36:53,208
It's like a thing that doesn't exist.
It's like owning a leprechaun.

756
00:36:53,520 --> 00:36:54,885
Both: Rude.

757
00:36:55,160 --> 00:36:57,686
So rude.
Okay. let's get back into it.

758
00:36:57,960 --> 00:36:58,960
Enough Sasketoonin'.

759
00:36:59,120 --> 00:37:02,124
(clears throat) Let's get
back into our Warrior One.

760
00:37:04,360 --> 00:37:09,571
Up to Perfection. Colleen C..
Hold that pose Colleen M..

761
00:37:09,880 --> 00:37:11,325
Hold it.

762
00:37:11,600 --> 00:37:14,888
Warrior Two.

763
00:37:16,560 --> 00:37:19,211
Come and get me now.
You serenity stealers.

764
00:37:19,480 --> 00:37:22,324
All you need to handle
any situation in life.

765
00:37:22,640 --> 00:37:24,847
Are the Warrior One and
Warrior Two positions. girls.

766
00:37:25,120 --> 00:37:26,246
Okay?

767
00:37:26,560 --> 00:37:29,564
Master those and you will master
anyone who gives you shit.

768
00:37:29,840 --> 00:37:32,571
Now let's go Lotus for
our closing meditation.

769
00:37:32,840 --> 00:37:35,650
Yoga teaches us to take
what the universe gives.

770
00:37:35,920 --> 00:37:37,729
And what?

771
00:37:38,000 --> 00:37:39,365
- Colleen C.: Embrace it?
- Nope.

772
00:37:39,640 --> 00:37:42,086
Fight against it.
You fight against it.

773
00:37:42,360 --> 00:37:46,490
Yoga demands that we grab
the universe by the throat

774
00:37:46,760 --> 00:37:49,206
and we just choke it until
it bends to our will.

775
00:37:49,480 --> 00:37:52,245
We inflict yoga on our enemies
until they join us in peace.

776
00:37:52,520 --> 00:37:55,205
Always be peaceful change girls.

777
00:37:55,480 --> 00:37:58,245
But if you have to. you destroy
everything that threatens

778
00:37:58,520 --> 00:38:01,000
anyone or anything that you
love by hook or by crook.

779
00:38:01,280 --> 00:38:03,931
That's the yoga way.

780
00:38:04,200 --> 00:38:06,168
Both: Wow.

781
00:38:06,440 --> 00:38:08,602
Please join me
in a final prayer.

782
00:38:08,880 --> 00:38:12,248
Yoga Fett. Yoga Fett.

783
00:38:12,560 --> 00:38:15,245
All: Yoga Fett. Yoga Fett.
Yoga Fett.

784
00:38:15,560 --> 00:38:19,804
Yoga Fett. Yoga Fett.

785
00:38:20,080 --> 00:38:24,449
And sorry not sorry.
Confetti feel.

786
00:38:26,040 --> 00:38:27,565
Radio Host:
Caller. go ahead.

787
00:38:27,840 --> 00:38:31,003
Caller: Oh. hey Bob, big fan
and a first time caller...

788
00:38:31,280 --> 00:38:35,171
Hey. pack of True North Menthol.

789
00:38:37,040 --> 00:38:38,166
(slaps on counter)

790
00:38:38,440 --> 00:38:39,440
Those are lights.

791
00:38:39,600 --> 00:38:42,524
Both: Sorry aboot that.

792
00:38:44,000 --> 00:38:49,040
You know girls.
That's just not very Canadian.

793
00:38:51,880 --> 00:38:53,962
C'mon Robin.
Let's get out of here.

794
00:38:54,240 --> 00:38:59,007
Caller: When is one's
virginity technically lost'?

795
00:38:59,320 --> 00:39:00,401
(creepy mumbling)

796
00:39:00,680 --> 00:39:02,330
Like when what is the process

797
00:39:02,600 --> 00:39:04,250
when you're going
through the sex process

798
00:39:04,520 --> 00:39:06,921
of losing virginity.
That process?

799
00:39:07,240 --> 00:39:10,244
How can one come out at
the end and then say like...

800
00:39:10,520 --> 00:39:14,047
(ringtone plays)

801
00:39:16,040 --> 00:39:18,042
- Hunter's calling.
- So answer.

802
00:39:18,320 --> 00:39:21,324
(music plays through phone)

803
00:39:21,600 --> 00:39:22,886
Hello?

804
00:39:23,160 --> 00:39:25,083
Hunter: Colleen McKenzie!

805
00:39:25,360 --> 00:39:26,850
Hunter.

806
00:39:27,120 --> 00:39:28,121
Hunter: Where you at?

807
00:39:28,400 --> 00:39:32,121
You're missing a killer
grade 12 party over here.

808
00:39:32,440 --> 00:39:35,125
Please don't hate us. but we
got called into work tonight.

809
00:39:35,440 --> 00:39:36,440
Hunter: That sucks.

810
00:39:36,560 --> 00:39:37,686
Yeah. it really sucks.

811
00:39:37,960 --> 00:39:40,361
Because there's like.
Nobody here tonight either.

812
00:39:40,640 --> 00:39:43,007
- (ding)
- Holy shit.

813
00:39:43,320 --> 00:39:44,606
What?

814
00:39:44,880 --> 00:39:50,171
We could have a
party right here.

815
00:39:51,200 --> 00:39:53,851
(screaming)

816
00:39:54,160 --> 00:39:56,367
Hunter. Hello.
This is Colleen C.

817
00:39:56,640 --> 00:39:58,656
We unfortunately cannot make
it to your party tonight

818
00:39:58,680 --> 00:40:00,648
but we want to invite
you to another party...

819
00:40:00,960 --> 00:40:01,961
Both: At Eh-2-Zed.

820
00:40:02,240 --> 00:40:04,208
(can clatters)

821
00:40:04,480 --> 00:40:06,960
Hold on. this shit's loud,
let me go in the bedroom

822
00:40:07,240 --> 00:40:08,810
so I can hear.

823
00:40:09,080 --> 00:40:11,970
Ah ha. sweet.
Sweet dude.

824
00:40:12,240 --> 00:40:14,049
- (turns music down)

825
00:40:14,320 --> 00:40:16,482
You want me to bring
the party to you guys?

826
00:40:16,760 --> 00:40:19,923
Won't your dad flip if we're
drinkin' beers in the 'Zed?

827
00:40:20,200 --> 00:40:21,645
Oh. don't you worry aboot that.

828
00:40:21,920 --> 00:40:24,446
My dad's long gone in Niagara
Falls with the store manager.

829
00:40:24,720 --> 00:40:27,963
And bring beers.
We don't have any booze here.

830
00:40:28,280 --> 00:40:30,362
Did you say boobs?

831
00:40:30,640 --> 00:40:32,324
Colleen M.: Booze-uh.
Booze-uh.

832
00:40:32,600 --> 00:40:35,251
What time should
we head to the Zed?

833
00:40:35,520 --> 00:40:37,249
Colleen M.: Nine o'clock?

834
00:40:37,520 --> 00:40:39,409
Perfect. We'll be there.

835
00:40:39,720 --> 00:40:41,449
- And I can't wait...
- (glass shatters)

836
00:40:41,720 --> 00:40:43,085
to see you. Colleen M.

837
00:40:43,360 --> 00:40:46,284
Show you what I'm
really all aboot.

838
00:40:48,120 --> 00:40:52,125
Gordon: What the hell was that?

839
00:40:53,080 --> 00:40:54,525
Hunter: Here we go.

840
00:40:54,800 --> 00:40:57,007
Going to the Zed
again is so stupid.

841
00:40:57,280 --> 00:40:59,282
(screams)

842
00:40:59,960 --> 00:41:01,769
Sorry.

843
00:41:02,040 --> 00:41:05,442
Now. follow me on this. Gordon.

844
00:41:05,720 --> 00:41:09,645
These girls just gift-wrapped
themselves for us.

845
00:41:09,920 --> 00:41:12,810
We were gonna have
to dig shallow graves

846
00:41:13,120 --> 00:41:16,044
after we cut 'em up.
Now we're goin' to their store.

847
00:41:16,320 --> 00:41:19,767
We kill 'em in the store.
Shit, we can take our time,

848
00:41:20,080 --> 00:41:22,321
do it right.

849
00:41:22,600 --> 00:41:25,444
We can leave their bodies
right between the Pucky Charms

850
00:41:25,760 --> 00:41:27,091
and the Chug-a-lugs.

851
00:41:27,360 --> 00:41:29,886
And all we gotta do is take
the money from the register.

852
00:41:30,160 --> 00:41:31,764
Break some shit
on the way oot...

853
00:41:32,040 --> 00:41:34,441
And make it look like a
failed robbery gone bad. eh?

854
00:41:34,760 --> 00:41:39,243
These stupid sophomore bitches
want to have a party at the Zed?

855
00:41:39,560 --> 00:41:42,245
- We'll give 'em a party at the Zed.
- (unsheathes blade)

856
00:41:42,560 --> 00:41:45,131
Their farewell party. yo.

857
00:41:49,680 --> 00:41:51,967
(rattles locked door)

858
00:41:52,280 --> 00:41:53,736
Colleen M.: Where should I kiss
Hunter tonight?

859
00:41:53,760 --> 00:41:55,171
Ew. lips only.

860
00:41:55,440 --> 00:41:57,283
I mean. in the store?

861
00:41:57,560 --> 00:42:00,643
Keep it tasteful. McKenzie. Don't
whore him on the first date.

862
00:42:00,960 --> 00:42:02,610
Casual. not contrived.

863
00:42:02,920 --> 00:42:03,920
You give the best advice.

864
00:42:04,040 --> 00:42:06,008
You're my best friend
in the whole world.

865
00:42:06,280 --> 00:42:07,770
Aw. you're mine.

866
00:42:08,040 --> 00:42:10,122
(knocking)

867
00:42:10,400 --> 00:42:11,481
Hear that?

868
00:42:11,800 --> 00:42:14,121
That's our destiny
knocking at the backdoor.

869
00:42:14,400 --> 00:42:17,131
(taking deep breaths)

870
00:42:23,680 --> 00:42:24,680
Both: Hi.

871
00:42:24,880 --> 00:42:29,124
Ladies. we are here to
cordially accept your invitation

872
00:42:29,440 --> 00:42:30,601
to party hardy.

873
00:42:30,880 --> 00:42:31,880
Both: We?

874
00:42:32,160 --> 00:42:33,491
Gordon: Party. yeah!

875
00:42:33,760 --> 00:42:34,760
What's he doing here?

876
00:42:35,000 --> 00:42:38,129
And where's everybody else?

877
00:42:38,400 --> 00:42:39,686
(door slams)

878
00:42:40,000 --> 00:42:41,923
Hmm. where's everybody else?

879
00:42:42,200 --> 00:42:44,567
Well. when I made
the other seniors

880
00:42:44,880 --> 00:42:46,928
the same very generous
offer you made me

881
00:42:47,200 --> 00:42:48,565
to move the party here.

882
00:42:48,880 --> 00:42:51,281
Yeah. they all laughed at you.

883
00:42:51,560 --> 00:42:53,688
Tonya Simmons said. and I quote.

884
00:42:53,960 --> 00:42:55,883
(imitates girl)
"A party at the scummy Eh-2-Zed

885
00:42:56,160 --> 00:42:58,208
with those two little
girls from honors history?

886
00:42:58,520 --> 00:43:00,045
No way. eh?"

887
00:43:00,320 --> 00:43:02,320
(imitates girl) "I'd rather kiss
Gordon Greenleaf."

888
00:43:02,520 --> 00:43:03,806
I'd rather kiss...

889
00:43:04,080 --> 00:43:05,080
She didn't say that. man.

890
00:43:05,360 --> 00:43:07,203
She was thinkin' it.

891
00:43:07,520 --> 00:43:10,490
Anyways. I've never
been much of a follower.

892
00:43:10,760 --> 00:43:13,366
So I left all
those losers behind

893
00:43:13,640 --> 00:43:15,608
and came here to
hang with you two.

894
00:43:17,320 --> 00:43:19,049
You left your own party?

895
00:43:19,320 --> 00:43:21,163
Parties are basic.
This is better.

896
00:43:21,440 --> 00:43:23,807
This is what they call in
the states. a kickback.

897
00:43:24,120 --> 00:43:25,120
States. Eh?

898
00:43:25,240 --> 00:43:27,607
And. I brought Gordon
so Colleen C. would have

899
00:43:27,920 --> 00:43:31,447
someone to talk to while
little Miss Colleen M. gives me

900
00:43:31,760 --> 00:43:33,683
a private tour.

901
00:43:33,960 --> 00:43:35,530
(gasp)

902
00:43:40,400 --> 00:43:42,209
Looks like it's just us. eh?

903
00:43:42,520 --> 00:43:46,491
Maybe we should form
the Just Us League?

904
00:43:46,760 --> 00:43:48,205
A little kickback hookup.

905
00:43:48,520 --> 00:43:51,285
Yeah... heh.
(thud)

906
00:43:53,040 --> 00:43:57,284
So this is the
Eh-2-Zed backroom. again.

907
00:43:58,960 --> 00:44:00,849
(sighs)

908
00:44:01,200 --> 00:44:02,281
(thud)

909
00:44:03,760 --> 00:44:05,330
Epic.

910
00:44:05,600 --> 00:44:07,489
Colleen and I call
it the Highway to Hell.

911
00:44:07,760 --> 00:44:09,444
'Cause Eh-2-Zed's right
through that door.

912
00:44:09,720 --> 00:44:12,087
And Eh-2-Zed's
pretty much our hell.

913
00:44:12,360 --> 00:44:14,283
Highway to Hell?

914
00:44:14,560 --> 00:44:16,289
Mm-Hmm.

915
00:44:17,040 --> 00:44:18,804
Wow.
(chuckles)

916
00:44:19,240 --> 00:44:23,006
Devil talk always
gives me goosebumps.

917
00:44:23,280 --> 00:44:23,803
Oh?

918
00:44:24,080 --> 00:44:25,366
See

919
00:44:26,440 --> 00:44:28,169
See

920
00:44:28,480 --> 00:44:30,005
Yeah.

921
00:44:31,960 --> 00:44:34,361
You believe in Satan?

922
00:44:34,640 --> 00:44:37,484
I used to believe in Santa.
Does that count?

923
00:44:37,760 --> 00:44:42,129
(moaning)
(gulps)

924
00:44:45,000 --> 00:44:47,082
(sigh)
So basic.

925
00:44:47,360 --> 00:44:48,566
Mmmmm.

926
00:44:50,040 --> 00:44:53,283
Me and Gordon
are way into Satan.

927
00:44:53,560 --> 00:44:54,560
Ooh.

928
00:44:54,600 --> 00:44:58,047
Kind of like how you and
Colleen are way into yoga.

929
00:44:58,320 --> 00:44:59,970
Or your band'?

930
00:45:00,240 --> 00:45:00,968
Yeah.

931
00:45:01,240 --> 00:45:05,165
Now. the good news is that
we're Canadian Satanists.

932
00:45:05,480 --> 00:45:08,609
So we don't go in for
any of that touchy stuff.

933
00:45:08,880 --> 00:45:11,611
Your virtue stays intact.

934
00:45:11,880 --> 00:45:13,803
It's gotta.
You know why?

935
00:45:14,080 --> 00:45:15,127
Why?

936
00:45:15,440 --> 00:45:18,762
You see.
Satan seeks his souls pure.

937
00:45:19,040 --> 00:45:22,283
And there are no virgins
in grade 12.

938
00:45:22,560 --> 00:45:24,608
- Mm-hmm.
- All the virgins are in grade 10.

939
00:45:24,880 --> 00:45:27,850
Well. I've just been
waiting for the right person.

940
00:45:28,160 --> 00:45:29,764
In the right place.

941
00:45:30,080 --> 00:45:33,721
You are so adorable. McKenzie.
You think I want your body?

942
00:45:34,040 --> 00:45:36,930
I don't want your body.

943
00:45:37,200 --> 00:45:41,683
I just want your untouched.
Virgin soul.

944
00:45:41,960 --> 00:45:43,007
Okay.

945
00:45:43,280 --> 00:45:46,966
But. well,
the shit sandwich of it all,

946
00:45:47,720 --> 00:45:49,210
(unsheathes blade)

947
00:45:49,520 --> 00:45:53,161
I kinda gotta cut
you open to get to it.

948
00:45:54,560 --> 00:45:55,686
Oh.

949
00:45:55,960 --> 00:45:58,247
You know. I'll be right back.
Just one sec.

950
00:45:58,520 --> 00:45:59,520
Colleen!

951
00:45:59,960 --> 00:46:00,960
(slam)

952
00:46:01,200 --> 00:46:03,646
I thank you for your sacrifice.
Colleen M.

953
00:46:03,920 --> 00:46:06,651
Every pure soul I give to
Satan brings me one step closer

954
00:46:06,920 --> 00:46:11,767
to meeting the beast
and that's gonna be so metal.

955
00:46:13,200 --> 00:46:13,928
(Click)

956
00:46:14,200 --> 00:46:15,440
<i>'</i> (ripping) <i>'</i> (squeals)

957
00:46:15,720 --> 00:46:16,720
What the hell's that?

958
00:46:16,960 --> 00:46:19,247
That's my mom's date knife
pointed at your balls.

959
00:46:20,960 --> 00:46:21,960
Okay.

960
00:46:22,000 --> 00:46:24,241
Is that enough metal for you.
Or do you want more?

961
00:46:24,560 --> 00:46:27,325
Oh. no. no. no, no.
Can we talk aboot this?

962
00:46:27,640 --> 00:46:28,289
Talk to The Mohel.

963
00:46:28,600 --> 00:46:29,681
Okay. okay.

964
00:46:29,960 --> 00:46:31,928
Put the knife down. pretty boy.

965
00:46:32,200 --> 00:46:37,445
- Okay. knife's down.
- (knife clatters to floor)

966
00:46:38,120 --> 00:46:40,600
(Click)

967
00:46:40,880 --> 00:46:41,896
(gasp) I guess I got a
little carried away there.

968
00:46:41,920 --> 00:46:43,524
(chuckles)

969
00:46:43,800 --> 00:46:44,800
Sorry aboot that.

970
00:46:45,000 --> 00:46:47,810
And I was gonna let
you get to second base.

971
00:46:48,560 --> 00:46:49,560
(ripping)

972
00:46:49,600 --> 00:46:52,365
(screams)

973
00:46:52,960 --> 00:46:54,962
Hunter: There's something
inside of me.

974
00:46:55,240 --> 00:46:56,571
(stomach gurgling)

975
00:46:56,880 --> 00:47:00,771
- Are you okay?
- Help me.

976
00:47:01,680 --> 00:47:03,682
(crash)

977
00:47:05,040 --> 00:47:07,611
(gurgling)

978
00:47:07,880 --> 00:47:12,283
(squishing)

979
00:47:12,600 --> 00:47:13,965
Oh my god!

980
00:47:14,240 --> 00:47:16,208
Wunderbar!

981
00:47:17,760 --> 00:47:19,444
Colleen?

982
00:47:20,240 --> 00:47:22,447
Colleen?

983
00:47:22,720 --> 00:47:24,802
Here we go.

984
00:47:25,120 --> 00:47:26,724
Colleen?

985
00:47:27,800 --> 00:47:29,643
Colleen?

986
00:47:30,760 --> 00:47:31,807
McKenzie?

987
00:47:32,120 --> 00:47:33,804
(ripping)

988
00:47:34,120 --> 00:47:35,120
(stomach gurgling)

989
00:47:35,280 --> 00:47:37,282
(hammer thuds)

990
00:47:37,560 --> 00:47:38,560
(screams)

991
00:47:38,800 --> 00:47:40,962
Gordon. please.
Stop begging. okay?

992
00:47:41,240 --> 00:47:42,526
You are not getting any.

993
00:47:42,840 --> 00:47:44,046
My ass.

994
00:47:44,320 --> 00:47:46,016
Gordon. I swear to God. If you
puke. you're cleaning it up.

995
00:47:46,040 --> 00:47:48,122
(stomach gurgling)

996
00:47:48,400 --> 00:47:49,890
Somethin' just
crawled up in my ass!

997
00:47:50,160 --> 00:47:51,605
<i>(cries)</i>

998
00:47:51,880 --> 00:47:53,848
ls this what happens
when you smoke weed?

999
00:47:54,120 --> 00:47:56,088
(screams)

1000
00:47:56,400 --> 00:47:58,687
(gurgling)

1001
00:47:58,960 --> 00:48:00,769
Oh no!

1002
00:48:01,040 --> 00:48:04,408
(squishing)

1003
00:48:04,680 --> 00:48:06,682
(crack)

1004
00:48:06,960 --> 00:48:08,200
(thud)

1005
00:48:08,480 --> 00:48:10,482
Oh my god.

1006
00:48:10,880 --> 00:48:12,484
(creaking)

1007
00:48:12,760 --> 00:48:14,922
(slurping)

1008
00:48:15,200 --> 00:48:17,009
Uh. Colleen?

1009
00:48:17,280 --> 00:48:17,769
(squish)

1010
00:48:18,080 --> 00:48:21,050
Wunderbar!

1011
00:48:21,320 --> 00:48:22,526
(screams)

1012
00:48:22,840 --> 00:48:24,524
(creepy mumbling)

1013
00:48:24,840 --> 00:48:27,207
(maniacal laughing)

1014
00:48:27,480 --> 00:48:28,641
(click)
(screams)

1015
00:48:28,960 --> 00:48:31,122
(heavy breathing)

1016
00:48:31,400 --> 00:48:32,083
<i>Hey.</i>

1017
00:48:32,360 --> 00:48:34,488
What the hell was that?

1018
00:48:35,280 --> 00:48:38,045
Nein. Nein. Nein. nein.

1019
00:48:39,080 --> 00:48:40,080
Nein.

1020
00:48:40,320 --> 00:48:43,164
- Sh... Sheisse!
- Oh hell no!

1021
00:48:43,480 --> 00:48:46,324
(creepy yelling)

1022
00:48:46,600 --> 00:48:49,649
- Shut up.
- Nein! - Shut up!

1023
00:48:50,000 --> 00:48:52,162
(beeps)
(whirs)

1024
00:48:52,480 --> 00:48:55,723
Nein. Nein. Nein!

1025
00:48:56,040 --> 00:48:59,408
- Nein. Nein. Nein. nein, nein!
- (banging)

1026
00:49:00,720 --> 00:49:02,165
Auf Wiedersehen.

1027
00:49:02,440 --> 00:49:02,804
(Splats)

1028
00:49:03,120 --> 00:49:05,248
(screams)
(microwave beeping)

1029
00:49:09,120 --> 00:49:11,088
Did you know Hunter Calloway
was religious?

1030
00:49:11,360 --> 00:49:12,360
(smack)
(screams)

1031
00:49:12,440 --> 00:49:14,602
(creepy mumbling)

1032
00:49:14,880 --> 00:49:18,009
Oh you piece of shit!

1033
00:49:18,280 --> 00:49:20,362
(maniacal laughing)

1034
00:49:20,640 --> 00:49:22,722
Shut up!

1035
00:49:23,000 --> 00:49:25,048
- Pull.
- Ew. no.

1036
00:49:25,360 --> 00:49:27,761
- Pull!
- Okay. okay, okay, okay.

1037
00:49:28,040 --> 00:49:29,724
- (creepy mumbling)
- (screaming)

1038
00:49:30,000 --> 00:49:32,765
Nein stretchy. Nein stretchy!

1039
00:49:33,080 --> 00:49:35,048
(groans)
(Squishing)

1040
00:49:36,120 --> 00:49:38,361
Uhh.. Ah.

1041
00:49:39,160 --> 00:49:43,529
Ahh... Ahhh.

1042
00:49:44,640 --> 00:49:47,291
Mein Kampf.
(gasps)

1043
00:49:47,560 --> 00:49:50,723
(creaking door)

1044
00:49:51,480 --> 00:49:53,687
(zaps)

1045
00:49:53,960 --> 00:49:55,689
(Whimpers)

1046
00:49:55,960 --> 00:49:57,883
(screams)

1047
00:49:58,160 --> 00:49:59,446
Security lights.

1048
00:49:59,720 --> 00:50:01,484
(phone ringing)

1049
00:50:01,760 --> 00:50:02,966
Dispatcher: 911. eh?

1050
00:50:03,240 --> 00:50:05,200
Hello? We're being attacked
by little sausage men.

1051
00:50:05,280 --> 00:50:06,376
With concentrated
sauerkraut for blood.

1052
00:50:06,400 --> 00:50:08,323
That look like Adolf Hitler.
Go.

1053
00:50:08,600 --> 00:50:10,045
Dispatcher: Oh. Hitler. eh?

1054
00:50:10,360 --> 00:50:11,964
Well. he sure is a nasty camper.

1055
00:50:12,280 --> 00:50:15,443
Worse than Dr. Doom and
Darth Vader combined.

1056
00:50:15,720 --> 00:50:17,210
(chuckles)
Yeah. boy.

1057
00:50:17,480 --> 00:50:18,481
Shut up. old man.

1058
00:50:18,760 --> 00:50:20,216
Send a bunch of cops to the
Eh-2-Zed on Portage and Wayne

1059
00:50:20,240 --> 00:50:21,696
- and bring some body bags.
- Little ones.

1060
00:50:21,720 --> 00:50:22,926
Hurry!

1061
00:50:23,200 --> 00:50:25,726
- Hello? Hello?
- (line dead tone)

1062
00:50:26,040 --> 00:50:27,883
Goddamned yoga hosers.

1063
00:50:29,520 --> 00:50:30,931
(creepy mumbling)

1064
00:50:31,200 --> 00:50:34,170
Wunderbar.

1065
00:50:36,160 --> 00:50:37,446
Man.

1066
00:50:39,280 --> 00:50:40,884
We've got wieners.

1067
00:50:41,240 --> 00:50:43,971
Check over there.

1068
00:50:44,600 --> 00:50:49,242
- (creepy mumbling)
- Wunderbar!

1069
00:50:49,760 --> 00:50:50,807
Seriously?

1070
00:50:52,800 --> 00:50:54,165
Sausage party.

1071
00:50:54,440 --> 00:50:55,560
I don't wanna die in Canada!

1072
00:50:55,800 --> 00:50:57,131
We're not gonna die in Canada.

1073
00:50:57,400 --> 00:51:00,609
- There's no other way oot!
- There's always another way.

1074
00:51:00,880 --> 00:51:01,563
The Yoga Way.

1075
00:51:01,840 --> 00:51:03,330
- The Yoga Way?
- The Yoga Way.

1076
00:51:04,640 --> 00:51:07,120
Okay. Warrior One.

1077
00:51:07,400 --> 00:51:08,840
- Hold it. McKenzie. Hold it.
- Okay.

1078
00:51:08,880 --> 00:51:11,201
Warrior Two. back to back.

1079
00:51:11,720 --> 00:51:13,085
Das frauleins!

1080
00:51:13,880 --> 00:51:16,167
Now. on Warrior Three.
We yoga the shit out of these

1081
00:51:16,440 --> 00:51:18,169
- bratwurst bitches. Okay?
- Okay.

1082
00:51:18,440 --> 00:51:19,123
Warrior three.

1083
00:51:19,400 --> 00:51:21,687
- (screams)
- (squishing)

1084
00:51:21,960 --> 00:51:22,960
(gasps)

1085
00:51:23,640 --> 00:51:26,166
(yells in German)

1086
00:51:26,480 --> 00:51:30,007
I'm not even supposed
to be here today!

1087
00:51:30,800 --> 00:51:31,801
(screams)

1088
00:51:32,080 --> 00:51:33,080
Schnell!

1089
00:51:33,280 --> 00:51:33,883
Nein! Nein! Nein!

1090
00:51:34,200 --> 00:51:35,645
- Sheisse!
- (squishing)

1091
00:51:36,520 --> 00:51:39,763
- Take off! (screams)
- Nein. Wunderbar!

1092
00:51:40,760 --> 00:51:41,488
(screams)

1093
00:51:41,760 --> 00:51:42,283
(Splat)

1094
00:51:42,560 --> 00:51:43,560
Thank you.

1095
00:51:46,840 --> 00:51:48,444
Yo.

1096
00:51:48,720 --> 00:51:50,210
Slapshot.

1097
00:51:50,480 --> 00:51:52,244
(Slapping)
(squishing)

1098
00:51:54,320 --> 00:51:56,243
I've got aboot 10 left.

1099
00:51:57,120 --> 00:51:58,884
Colleen M.:
I've got aboot the same.

1100
00:51:59,160 --> 00:52:02,164
Then let's drop that puck. Go!

1101
00:52:02,480 --> 00:52:03,925
(yelling)
(splatting)

1102
00:52:04,200 --> 00:52:07,283
(squishing)

1103
00:52:08,800 --> 00:52:10,370
(screaming)

1104
00:52:11,360 --> 00:52:13,203
(yelling)

1105
00:52:13,640 --> 00:52:16,564
(screams)

1106
00:52:16,840 --> 00:52:20,083
(squishing)

1107
00:52:20,520 --> 00:52:25,520
(rock music playing)

1108
00:52:37,480 --> 00:52:40,643
Nein! Nein! Nein!
(screams) (splats)

1109
00:52:40,920 --> 00:52:42,604
(panting)

1110
00:52:42,880 --> 00:52:45,247
Both: Wow.

1111
00:52:45,560 --> 00:52:46,925
- (screaming)
- (guns cocking)

1112
00:52:47,200 --> 00:52:49,362
Officer: Freeze.
Hands up. Hands up.

1113
00:52:49,640 --> 00:52:51,961
Officer 2: Don't you move.
You goddamn yoga hosers!

1114
00:52:52,280 --> 00:52:54,169
Officers: RCMP. freeze.

1115
00:52:54,480 --> 00:52:55,766
Colleen M.: This is
so basic.

1116
00:52:56,040 --> 00:52:57,883
This is beyond basic.

1117
00:53:04,600 --> 00:53:05,840
(camera clicks)

1118
00:53:06,160 --> 00:53:07,605
- So basic.
- Shh.

1119
00:53:12,600 --> 00:53:13,601
Stop it.
I'm itchy.

1120
00:53:13,920 --> 00:53:15,046
Stop it.

1121
00:53:18,640 --> 00:53:22,008
All right. C'mon. c'mon, c'mon.

1122
00:53:23,360 --> 00:53:25,840
All right. You got aboot ten
minutes before the RCMP come back.

1123
00:53:26,120 --> 00:53:28,521
I'll try to stall 'em
as long as I can.

1124
00:53:28,800 --> 00:53:30,882
You know. thank you
very much for doing this.

1125
00:53:31,160 --> 00:53:33,128
I cannot know how to
repay you for this.

1126
00:53:33,440 --> 00:53:37,206
No. No. Thank you.
Look. this book, is my bible.

1127
00:53:37,480 --> 00:53:41,326
And you're like a goddamn
Canadian Batman. Eh?

1128
00:53:41,600 --> 00:53:44,251
Oh. That is so touching.
I cannot believe.

1129
00:53:44,520 --> 00:53:45,520
I'll stall for a second.

1130
00:53:45,560 --> 00:53:46,607
(door shuts)

1131
00:53:54,000 --> 00:54:01,726
Um. I thought that maybe
you might need a stiff drink.

1132
00:54:02,280 --> 00:54:04,806
You saw my mom?
Where is she?

1133
00:54:05,080 --> 00:54:09,642
Well. she's out there and she's
trying to post bail. You know.

1134
00:54:10,120 --> 00:54:13,886
Your father. who's name
I think is Bob Collette.

1135
00:54:14,160 --> 00:54:17,687
They are having a heck of a time
getting in touch with that man.

1136
00:54:17,960 --> 00:54:19,610
He's in Niagara Falls.

1137
00:54:19,880 --> 00:54:22,929
The RCMP will not let your mommy

1138
00:54:23,240 --> 00:54:28,326
bail you out of here
because the RCMP don't ever let.

1139
00:54:28,600 --> 00:54:30,967
Eh. serial killers out on bail.

1140
00:54:31,240 --> 00:54:34,323
And they're saying
that you are both

1141
00:54:34,600 --> 00:54:37,888
the serial killers
because you killeded those...

1142
00:54:38,160 --> 00:54:40,527
Those eh. two boys, you know.

1143
00:54:40,840 --> 00:54:43,127
You killed the absolute
shit out of them.

1144
00:54:43,400 --> 00:54:44,890
But we didn't kill the boys.

1145
00:54:45,160 --> 00:54:46,321
We didn't kill anybody.

1146
00:54:46,640 --> 00:54:47,641
They were gonna kill us.

1147
00:54:47,920 --> 00:54:49,524
- They were devil worshipers.
- Yeah.

1148
00:54:49,800 --> 00:54:54,647
I don't really know much about
the devil. but there we go.

1149
00:54:54,920 --> 00:54:56,046
Both: (groaning)

1150
00:54:56,360 --> 00:54:58,806
Somebody sure put their poop-holes
through hell. You know?

1151
00:54:59,080 --> 00:55:02,323
We didn't do this.

1152
00:55:02,600 --> 00:55:04,443
Who did then?

1153
00:55:04,720 --> 00:55:06,290
It was the Bratzis.

1154
00:55:06,560 --> 00:55:08,324
Bratzis?

1155
00:55:08,600 --> 00:55:11,490
I want to know what this
Bratzi is. What is a Bratzi?

1156
00:55:11,760 --> 00:55:14,176
It's like a foot-tall Canadian
Nazi and it's made of Bratwurst.

1157
00:55:14,200 --> 00:55:15,656
They have concentrated
sauerkraut for blood.

1158
00:55:15,680 --> 00:55:18,081
And they dress like
Mountie Beaver stuffies.

1159
00:55:18,360 --> 00:55:21,091
Are you guys tripping
on the pot?

1160
00:55:21,600 --> 00:55:26,561
I mean do you even hear
how crazy that sounds?

1161
00:55:27,160 --> 00:55:32,291
Yes. So I go down
to the old Eh-2-Zed

1162
00:55:33,080 --> 00:55:35,560
and I will look around myself.
You know?

1163
00:55:35,840 --> 00:55:41,961
Guy Lapointe style. and you
want to know what I believe now?

1164
00:55:42,280 --> 00:55:44,282
What?

1165
00:55:44,560 --> 00:55:49,327
- I believe that I believe you.
- (gasps)

1166
00:55:49,600 --> 00:55:50,806
You saw them?

1167
00:55:51,120 --> 00:55:53,282
Guy: Yeah.
I saw only this. You know.

1168
00:55:53,560 --> 00:55:58,361
It was buried in a wad of cheese
at the back of the microwave.

1169
00:55:58,640 --> 00:56:00,927
I found this.

1170
00:56:04,680 --> 00:56:06,250
What's this?

1171
00:56:06,520 --> 00:56:11,686
This is a land purchase
agreement signed in 1939

1172
00:56:11,960 --> 00:56:14,531
by the self-proclaimed
Canadian Fuhrer.

1173
00:56:14,800 --> 00:56:19,761
Adrien Arcand.

1174
00:56:20,040 --> 00:56:24,125
For 100 acres in the Winnipegs.

1175
00:56:24,440 --> 00:56:29,207
On this now sits a little
store that could be

1176
00:56:29,480 --> 00:56:33,530
very near and dear to
your hearts. I think so.

1177
00:56:33,800 --> 00:56:36,041
- Lulu Lemon?
- He's talking about the Zed.

1178
00:56:36,320 --> 00:56:37,401
Oh.

1179
00:56:37,680 --> 00:56:40,923
Guy: Canadian Nazis were
the original land owners

1180
00:56:41,200 --> 00:56:45,444
of that piece of land
where that store is now.

1181
00:56:45,760 --> 00:56:51,881
And it is my theory that these
horrific monsters never left.

1182
00:56:53,480 --> 00:56:58,850
That's why I need both of
you to help me solve this

1183
00:56:59,120 --> 00:57:04,001
quite queer case
of the untold tale

1184
00:57:04,320 --> 00:57:09,121
buried beneath the
Canadian convenience store.

1185
00:57:09,400 --> 00:57:11,767
Which is probably what I
should call the book. I think.

1186
00:57:12,080 --> 00:57:15,402
Okay. so.
When do we get out of here?

1187
00:57:15,680 --> 00:57:18,126
We don't get out of here. I do.

1188
00:57:18,400 --> 00:57:21,051
You don't.
Because you're in the jail.

1189
00:57:22,800 --> 00:57:24,848
" Right?
<i>'</i> (sighs)

1190
00:57:25,120 --> 00:57:27,160
I'm gonna speak to this
fool in French for a second.

1191
00:57:28,040 --> 00:57:30,520
Excuse me.

1192
00:57:30,840 --> 00:57:33,127
(speaking French) I can get you
inside the Eh-2-Zed.

1193
00:57:33,400 --> 00:57:36,643
(speaking English) As you said. I
can get myself inside the Eh-2-Zed

1194
00:57:36,920 --> 00:57:41,244
quite easily. little kitty cat
woman smarty pantsies.

1195
00:57:41,560 --> 00:57:44,564
(speaking French) But you need me
to show you the secret passageway.

1196
00:57:46,000 --> 00:57:50,608
(speaking English) She's saying that I
need her for the secret passageway.

1197
00:57:50,880 --> 00:57:53,326
What secret passageway?

1198
00:57:53,600 --> 00:57:55,523
The Colleen who
doesn't speak the French

1199
00:57:55,800 --> 00:57:58,610
has never heard
of the passageway.

1200
00:57:58,920 --> 00:58:00,896
(speaking French) My Dad showed
only me the secret passageway.

1201
00:58:00,920 --> 00:58:02,331
And I'll take you there.

1202
00:58:02,600 --> 00:58:04,489
But you have to
get us out of here.

1203
00:58:04,800 --> 00:58:06,643
Understand?

1204
00:58:06,960 --> 00:58:09,201
(speaking French)
Shit...

1205
00:58:11,640 --> 00:58:13,961
(speaking English)
That means shit.

1206
00:58:15,000 --> 00:58:20,000
(foreboding music)

1207
00:58:39,680 --> 00:58:42,286
Aw it's Hunter's chalk line.

1208
00:58:42,920 --> 00:58:44,490
Ew.

1209
00:58:45,120 --> 00:58:46,929
Maybe we should Instagram it.

1210
00:58:47,200 --> 00:58:48,281
Ooh. right?

1211
00:58:48,560 --> 00:58:50,927
Uh. Mr. Lapointe?
Can we have our phones back now?

1212
00:58:55,840 --> 00:58:58,764
You want your phones?

1213
00:58:59,040 --> 00:59:01,611
No. I didn't steal your phones.

1214
00:59:01,880 --> 00:59:03,370
You didn't get our phones?

1215
00:59:03,640 --> 00:59:07,486
Do you mean that when I was illegally
breaking you out of the jail

1216
00:59:07,760 --> 00:59:10,206
that I forgot to steal your
precious telephones.

1217
00:59:10,480 --> 00:59:11,811
Is that what you're
trying to say?

1218
00:59:12,080 --> 00:59:14,845
Well. I'm sorry I'm so selfish.

1219
00:59:15,160 --> 00:59:16,207
Right?

1220
00:59:16,480 --> 00:59:18,084
How can I ever
make it up to you?

1221
00:59:18,360 --> 00:59:21,443
Well. you can start by letting us
change out of these prison rags.

1222
00:59:21,720 --> 00:59:23,722
Yeah. they make us look fat.

1223
00:59:24,040 --> 00:59:26,361
You listen to me.
You Lady Gagas.

1224
00:59:26,640 --> 00:59:29,371
You know that this is
not a photograph shoot

1225
00:59:29,640 --> 00:59:31,404
for the Canadian Vogue.

1226
00:59:31,720 --> 00:59:34,530
And I did not bring
for you wardrobe styles

1227
00:59:34,840 --> 00:59:36,976
with all that frilly business.
So what would you like to do?

1228
00:59:37,000 --> 00:59:39,571
Well. We have our Yoga
clothes and backup smocks

1229
00:59:39,840 --> 00:59:41,920
in the bathroom. can we at
least go change into that?

1230
00:59:41,960 --> 00:59:43,280
Yeah. and I'll take that
over this

1231
00:59:43,400 --> 00:59:46,483
Orange is the New Black
bullshit any day.

1232
00:59:46,760 --> 00:59:48,489
You have one Manitoban minute.

1233
00:59:48,760 --> 00:59:51,684
And then you will show me
the secret passage way.

1234
00:59:51,960 --> 00:59:53,883
So you must hurry up.

1235
00:59:54,200 --> 00:59:57,090
Hey. oh whoa.
No poopie stuff.

1236
00:59:57,360 --> 01:00:00,807
Both: Ew.

1237
01:00:01,120 --> 01:00:03,851
Okay. Colleen. seriously,
why didn't you tell me about

1238
01:00:04,160 --> 01:00:06,128
this secret passageway?
That's so cool.

1239
01:00:06,400 --> 01:00:08,607
Seriously. there is
no secret passageway.

1240
01:00:08,920 --> 01:00:10,680
I'm pretty sure there
is a secret passageway.

1241
01:00:10,760 --> 01:00:11,760
You said there was.

1242
01:00:11,880 --> 01:00:15,771
I'm pretty sure I only said that to
get us oot of jail. Colleen. God.

1243
01:00:16,040 --> 01:00:18,216
If we don't prove the Bratzis exist.
We're going away for murder.

1244
01:00:18,240 --> 01:00:20,160
Colleen M.: But what do
we do aboot Guy Lapointe?

1245
01:00:20,240 --> 01:00:21,856
Colleen C.: I don't know.
Colleen. I guess it's time

1246
01:00:21,880 --> 01:00:24,121
to tell him there
is no secret passageway.

1247
01:00:24,440 --> 01:00:26,966
(munches)

1248
01:00:27,920 --> 01:00:29,888
(screams)

1249
01:00:35,480 --> 01:00:36,481
- (slashing)

1250
01:00:44,000 --> 01:00:46,241
(piercing) - Oh!

1251
01:00:50,080 --> 01:00:53,801
- (screams)
- Das boo!

1252
01:00:58,840 --> 01:01:00,251
(grinding)

1253
01:01:00,560 --> 01:01:04,884
(laughs evilly)

1254
01:01:22,320 --> 01:01:25,483
(Yawns)

1255
01:02:16,520 --> 01:02:19,046
Oh. you're awake.

1256
01:02:19,320 --> 01:02:20,320
Wunderbar. Wunderbar.

1257
01:02:20,480 --> 01:02:26,328
Bratzis: Wunderbar. Wunderbar.

1258
01:02:26,640 --> 01:02:28,688
Bratzis. no?

1259
01:02:28,960 --> 01:02:30,041
Both: Bratzis.

1260
01:02:30,320 --> 01:02:31,810
I would like to welcome you.

1261
01:02:32,160 --> 01:02:35,004
To my Canadian
Subterranean Stronghold

1262
01:02:35,440 --> 01:02:39,047
Located <i>37</i> feet below
the surface of Winnipeg.

1263
01:02:39,400 --> 01:02:43,291
Und I am Andronicus Arcane.

1264
01:02:43,560 --> 01:02:46,131
That's that guy Ms. Maurice
told us aboot in Honors History.

1265
01:02:46,400 --> 01:02:47,447
The man from Berlin?

1266
01:02:47,720 --> 01:02:50,485
Poof. He disappeared.

1267
01:02:50,760 --> 01:02:51,760
Poop?

1268
01:02:51,920 --> 01:02:53,843
Adronicus: Yah. frauleins.
I am from Berlin.

1269
01:02:54,120 --> 01:02:56,168
This is why I have
an accent that sounds

1270
01:02:56,440 --> 01:02:59,330
both scary und creepy.
(laughs)

1271
01:02:59,600 --> 01:03:03,002
So in an effort to make
our future communications

1272
01:03:03,280 --> 01:03:05,886
less spooky and more friendly.

1273
01:03:06,160 --> 01:03:08,606
I will now be speaking
only in the voice

1274
01:03:08,880 --> 01:03:12,248
of American movie star.
Al Pacino. (chuckles)

1275
01:03:12,560 --> 01:03:15,006
(coughs)

1276
01:03:15,320 --> 01:03:19,325
(imitates Al Pacino) I bet all
you need are the dulcet tones

1277
01:03:19,600 --> 01:03:23,207
of one of Hollywood's
greatest living actors.

1278
01:03:23,480 --> 01:03:25,403
Hoowah.

1279
01:03:25,680 --> 01:03:28,650
Do you know what. that's not
a half-bad Al Pacino there.

1280
01:03:28,920 --> 01:03:30,445
Thank you.

1281
01:03:30,720 --> 01:03:33,166
- Who?
- Al Pacino.

1282
01:03:33,440 --> 01:03:37,001
Al Pacino. he was
an American president?

1283
01:03:37,280 --> 01:03:38,486
- Oh.
- Geez.

1284
01:03:38,800 --> 01:03:42,168
You see. the Third Reich
imprisoned me here

1285
01:03:42,440 --> 01:03:45,967
inside this Canadian
Subterranean Stronghold.

1286
01:03:46,240 --> 01:03:51,167
To build a clone army
that would conquer Canada

1287
01:03:51,480 --> 01:03:55,041
and the
United States of America.

1288
01:03:55,360 --> 01:03:56,600
Hoowah.

1289
01:03:56,880 --> 01:04:00,407
I used my own DNA and
made the clone bodies from

1290
01:04:00,680 --> 01:04:05,766
the finest bratwurst and sauerkraut
direct from Deutschland.

1291
01:04:06,040 --> 01:04:09,283
So in 1945. I initiated

1292
01:04:09,560 --> 01:04:12,643
the 100 year-long
incubation process.

1293
01:04:12,960 --> 01:04:17,568
And I put myself on ice.
In a cryogenic chamber,

1294
01:04:17,880 --> 01:04:20,929
timed to wake up when my
little wiener babies

1295
01:04:21,200 --> 01:04:24,329
were full-grown clones.

1296
01:04:25,160 --> 01:04:27,401
(slams shut)
(whirring)

1297
01:04:27,720 --> 01:04:29,688
But 70 years later...

1298
01:04:29,960 --> 01:04:32,088
Colleens:
We've got real def. rhythms

1299
01:04:32,360 --> 01:04:32,963
And fresh new jams

1300
01:04:33,240 --> 01:04:34,287
You say we got egos...

1301
01:04:34,600 --> 01:04:36,762
The little Colleens
would change everything

1302
01:04:37,040 --> 01:04:40,169
simply by singin' a song.

1303
01:04:40,480 --> 01:04:42,801
(electricity sparks)

1304
01:04:43,080 --> 01:04:44,730
Goddamn it. Ichabod.

1305
01:04:45,000 --> 01:04:46,525
How much did you plug
into that socket?

1306
01:04:46,800 --> 01:04:48,720
You told me to plug
everything into that soocket.

1307
01:04:48,960 --> 01:04:51,042
We're 14 years old. Ichabod.

1308
01:04:51,320 --> 01:04:54,210
Yeah. what are we supposed
to know about physics. Ichabod?

1309
01:04:54,480 --> 01:04:57,643
You guys wouldn't talk to me this
way if I was covered in tattoos.

1310
01:04:57,960 --> 01:05:00,691
Andronicus: The power outage in
the Eh-2-Zed that night.

1311
01:05:01,000 --> 01:05:04,322
Shorted out my ancient Canadian
Subterranean Generator.

1312
01:05:04,600 --> 01:05:07,444
(Zapping)

1313
01:05:07,760 --> 01:05:12,607
So I woke up prematurely
from my cryogenic slumber.

1314
01:05:14,520 --> 01:05:18,570
But the incubation process
had also been interrupted...

1315
01:05:19,360 --> 01:05:20,646
Papa.

1316
01:05:20,920 --> 01:05:24,686
Forever stunting the growth
of my wiener babies.

1317
01:05:25,720 --> 01:05:29,520
My life's work was a failure.

1318
01:05:30,160 --> 01:05:31,969
Hoowah.

1319
01:05:32,280 --> 01:05:35,045
That's so sad.

1320
01:05:35,320 --> 01:05:37,496
(normal voice) Yeah. maybe it
would be less sad coming from

1321
01:05:37,520 --> 01:05:40,490
American tough guy. Sylvester Stallone.
(chuckles)

1322
01:05:40,760 --> 01:05:41,921
(clears throat)

1323
01:05:42,200 --> 01:05:43,736
(imitates Sylvester Stallone)
So. you know.

1324
01:05:43,760 --> 01:05:46,764
Even though making
clones was my life's work.

1325
01:05:47,040 --> 01:05:49,850
It wasn't my passion. you know?

1326
01:05:50,120 --> 01:05:51,645
Colleen C.:
This guy sounds like Groot.

1327
01:05:51,920 --> 01:05:54,890
No. he was being
Sylvester Stallone.

1328
01:05:55,480 --> 01:05:56,925
Who?

1329
01:05:57,200 --> 01:06:00,647
So. anyway,
before I got into science

1330
01:06:00,920 --> 01:06:03,207
and before the war.

1331
01:06:03,520 --> 01:06:06,046
And then before I met
Adrien Arcand. I was like.

1332
01:06:06,360 --> 01:06:07,566
"Yo. Adrien."

1333
01:06:07,840 --> 01:06:11,447
Adrian was the wife in the
movie of the Rocky Rambo.

1334
01:06:11,720 --> 01:06:13,688
He's very good.

1335
01:06:13,960 --> 01:06:17,123
And before the Nazi
No-good-nicks took over my life.

1336
01:06:17,400 --> 01:06:20,051
I was an artist. you know?

1337
01:06:20,320 --> 01:06:22,482
And my art was sculpting.
You know.

1338
01:06:22,760 --> 01:06:24,330
I'd chip away at the marble

1339
01:06:24,600 --> 01:06:26,364
until it was beautiful to me.
You know?

1340
01:06:26,640 --> 01:06:28,290
I loved being an artist.

1341
01:06:28,560 --> 01:06:30,767
Except for one thing.

1342
01:06:31,040 --> 01:06:33,202
I'm talkin' about the
goddamned critics. you know?

1343
01:06:33,480 --> 01:06:37,121
They told me I had no talent.
They told me I stink on ice.

1344
01:06:37,400 --> 01:06:41,246
They're so negative and hurtful.
They cut me. man.

1345
01:06:41,560 --> 01:06:43,856
They drove me away from doing
the thing I really love to do.

1346
01:06:43,880 --> 01:06:46,406
Ya know. being who I am.

1347
01:06:46,680 --> 01:06:50,366
That's when I found
Adrien Arcand and Canadian Nazis

1348
01:06:50,640 --> 01:06:54,008
and. you know, Hitler.

1349
01:06:54,320 --> 01:06:55,765
Both: Oh.

1350
01:06:56,080 --> 01:06:57,081
Right?

1351
01:06:57,360 --> 01:06:59,966
You know that this man is
not a puppy on the internet?

1352
01:07:00,240 --> 01:07:03,164
(normal voice) Maybe my Stallone
is too aggressive

1353
01:07:03,440 --> 01:07:06,250
I will switch to a Hollywood
impression that is less threatening.

1354
01:07:06,520 --> 01:07:07,646
(Andronicus clears throat)

1355
01:07:07,960 --> 01:07:10,096
(imitates Arnold Schwarzenegger)
So. I didn't want to be

1356
01:07:10,120 --> 01:07:11,360
a Nazi for the rest of my life.

1357
01:07:11,680 --> 01:07:12,680
(indistinct chatter)

1358
01:07:12,880 --> 01:07:16,202
The exit tunnel of my Canadian
Subterranean Stronghold

1359
01:07:16,480 --> 01:07:18,767
got me to the backroom
of the Eh-2-Zed.

1360
01:07:19,040 --> 01:07:23,090
And one night. after closing.
I took my first steps

1361
01:07:23,400 --> 01:07:25,084
into a brave new world.

1362
01:07:25,400 --> 01:07:27,607
(laughs evilly)

1363
01:07:27,880 --> 01:07:30,008
So. every night
after the store closed,

1364
01:07:30,320 --> 01:07:32,721
I would make myself at home
in the Eh-2-Zed backroom.

1365
01:07:33,000 --> 01:07:35,048
Where I learned to speak
English and do voices.

1366
01:07:35,360 --> 01:07:38,682
By watching every
single thing on Netflix.

1367
01:07:39,000 --> 01:07:40,843
(imitates Arnold Schwarzenegger)
I'll be...

1368
01:07:41,160 --> 01:07:42,160
I'll be back.

1369
01:07:42,400 --> 01:07:45,404
And I discovered that this
modern world worships popular.

1370
01:07:45,680 --> 01:07:47,011
Arts and entertainment.

1371
01:07:47,280 --> 01:07:49,203
I'll be back. I'll...

1372
01:07:49,480 --> 01:07:51,256
(imitates Ed Wynn)
So, for the past six months.

1373
01:07:51,280 --> 01:07:53,089
I've been sculpting again.
Don't ya know?

1374
01:07:53,360 --> 01:07:57,445
Sculpting up a storm with the help
of my wicked little wiener babies.

1375
01:07:57,760 --> 01:08:00,331
Bratzis: Wunderbar!

1376
01:08:00,640 --> 01:08:04,281
May I present the debut of
my first new work in decades.

1377
01:08:04,600 --> 01:08:07,922
It's a sculpture
celebrating my beloved

1378
01:08:08,200 --> 01:08:10,771
adopted home of Canada.

1379
01:08:11,040 --> 01:08:15,170
I call it. the Goalie Golem.

1380
01:08:16,120 --> 01:08:17,120
(gasps)

1381
01:08:21,560 --> 01:08:22,846
(clapping)

1382
01:08:25,280 --> 01:08:27,521
So. what does everybody think?

1383
01:08:29,400 --> 01:08:33,086
Well. I will tell you

1384
01:08:33,360 --> 01:08:37,206
that this giant Canada man
is very bold.

1385
01:08:37,480 --> 01:08:39,130
And it's a real statement.
You know?

1386
01:08:39,400 --> 01:08:40,083
Mm-hmm.

1387
01:08:40,360 --> 01:08:44,365
It captures perfectly
that kind of essence

1388
01:08:44,680 --> 01:08:47,081
of the True North. you know.

1389
01:08:47,400 --> 01:08:50,131
Oh. thank you.

1390
01:08:50,440 --> 01:08:52,841
But it also captures the
actual people that you killed

1391
01:08:53,120 --> 01:08:55,885
in the sculpture as well.
Regrettably.

1392
01:08:56,200 --> 01:08:57,247
Hmm.

1393
01:08:57,520 --> 01:09:01,411
So I'm thinking that we should
all be very afraid right now.

1394
01:09:02,280 --> 01:09:04,442
But. Mr. Lapointe,
you and the Colleens

1395
01:09:04,720 --> 01:09:06,563
were never in any jeopardy.

1396
01:09:06,840 --> 01:09:09,161
You see. I brought the
Colleens here to help me.

1397
01:09:09,440 --> 01:09:12,603
I have a need for their
very specialized skills.

1398
01:09:12,920 --> 01:09:14,729
Um. I don't mean to be mean.

1399
01:09:15,000 --> 01:09:16,923
But I don't know
who this is either.

1400
01:09:17,200 --> 01:09:18,440
(normal voice)
Rats.

1401
01:09:18,760 --> 01:09:21,286
Do you want to try doing
someone we might recognize?

1402
01:09:21,600 --> 01:09:23,045
Hmm.

1403
01:09:23,320 --> 01:09:25,926
Uh. do you know the actor
who played the Batman?

1404
01:09:26,200 --> 01:09:27,770
I can do him too.
(chuckles)

1405
01:09:28,040 --> 01:09:29,451
(clears throat)

1406
01:09:29,720 --> 01:09:33,406
(imitates Adam West) You see girls.
Each night as I slaved away

1407
01:09:33,680 --> 01:09:37,685
over my masterpiece.
One dream fueled me.

1408
01:09:37,960 --> 01:09:39,962
Uh. that does not
sound like Batman.

1409
01:09:40,280 --> 01:09:42,203
Yeah. Batman sounds like...

1410
01:09:42,480 --> 01:09:45,006
(imitates Christian Bale Batman)
Where's the trigger? Uhh.

1411
01:09:45,280 --> 01:09:46,850
Where's the trigger?

1412
01:09:47,160 --> 01:09:51,324
Both: Uh. where's the trigger?

1413
01:09:51,600 --> 01:09:53,409
Uh...
(laughing)

1414
01:09:53,680 --> 01:09:57,480
No you don't understand.
He's doing the original.

1415
01:09:57,800 --> 01:10:00,724
The real Batman from the
televisions. Adam West's Batman.

1416
01:10:01,000 --> 01:10:02,161
- Wasn't it'?
- Yes.

1417
01:10:02,440 --> 01:10:03,851
It's supposed to sound like...

1418
01:10:04,120 --> 01:10:06,376
(imitates Christian Bale Batman)
Uh. where's the trigger. Joker?

1419
01:10:06,400 --> 01:10:08,926
Uh uh.
Where's the trigger?

1420
01:10:09,200 --> 01:10:11,320
Do you know he never once
said that line to the Joker.

1421
01:10:11,360 --> 01:10:12,360
So just stop it.

1422
01:10:12,480 --> 01:10:14,801
The only thing I've dreamed
of for the past six months

1423
01:10:15,080 --> 01:10:19,608
is looking at a photograph
of me standing proudly

1424
01:10:19,880 --> 01:10:24,204
next to my sculpture on the
"Famous People are Just Like You"

1425
01:10:24,480 --> 01:10:27,484
page of Them Weekly magazine.

1426
01:10:27,760 --> 01:10:29,762
Oh my god. he reads it too!

1427
01:10:30,080 --> 01:10:31,525
Isn't that page. like, the best?

1428
01:10:31,800 --> 01:10:35,441
One time. they showed
Harry Styles buying bacon.

1429
01:10:40,840 --> 01:10:44,083
- It was so hot.
- It was so hot.

1430
01:10:44,360 --> 01:10:49,446
And this is my Harry Styles
buying bacon moment.

1431
01:10:49,720 --> 01:10:50,721
(Click)

1432
01:10:54,040 --> 01:10:56,566
(Clicks)

1433
01:10:59,800 --> 01:11:01,200
Now you are pleased
to photograph me

1434
01:11:01,440 --> 01:11:04,091
for Them Weekly magazine.

1435
01:11:04,600 --> 01:11:06,045
You're kidding!

1436
01:11:06,560 --> 01:11:09,370
You're never going to believe
this. Mr. Old Man. but

1437
01:11:09,640 --> 01:11:12,689
we don't have our phones.

1438
01:11:13,000 --> 01:11:17,767
What?
Nein. nein. nein. nein, nein.

1439
01:11:18,040 --> 01:11:20,361
So much nein it's almost 10.

1440
01:11:20,640 --> 01:11:23,450
How can this be? You always
have with the phones.

1441
01:11:23,760 --> 01:11:25,364
The cops took our phones.

1442
01:11:25,680 --> 01:11:26,680
(chuckles)

1443
01:11:26,800 --> 01:11:29,326
Surely you must have a phone.
Herr Guy.

1444
01:11:29,640 --> 01:11:31,483
My phone has no camera.

1445
01:11:31,760 --> 01:11:33,285
Andronicus: What the fudge?
(chuckles)

1446
01:11:33,800 --> 01:11:36,610
So. nobody has a camera.

1447
01:11:36,880 --> 01:11:41,249
I guess we have to go directly
to phase two of my master plan.

1448
01:11:41,760 --> 01:11:44,127
(mumbling)

1449
01:11:44,560 --> 01:11:45,004
(laughs)

1450
01:11:45,520 --> 01:11:47,921
Fly my pretties,
Fly! C'mon.

1451
01:11:48,240 --> 01:11:49,240
Wunderbar!

1452
01:11:49,320 --> 01:11:52,688
Andronicus: That's right. yes.
Wiener babies, let's go!

1453
01:11:53,000 --> 01:11:54,331
C'mon. c'mon.

1454
01:11:54,600 --> 01:11:58,002
Let's all go to the lobby.
Let's all go to the lobby

1455
01:11:58,320 --> 01:11:59,970
Both: Whoa.

1456
01:12:00,240 --> 01:12:03,084
(They're just following orders.
That's all they're doing. [laughs)

1457
01:12:03,360 --> 01:12:07,763
And okay for you. Mr. Straggler.
Now you inside there.

1458
01:12:08,040 --> 01:12:09,201
(mumbling echoes)

1459
01:12:09,520 --> 01:12:15,880
Now. my wiener babies.
Bring mein art to life.

1460
01:12:16,160 --> 01:12:19,607
Rise. rise!

1461
01:12:22,120 --> 01:12:23,120
Rise!

1462
01:12:25,560 --> 01:12:27,528
Yeah that's what I'm
talkin' about. baby!

1463
01:12:29,640 --> 01:12:31,244
Both: Wow.
Guy: Wow.

1464
01:12:31,920 --> 01:12:33,160
That's the same thing that

1465
01:12:33,440 --> 01:12:36,011
Them Weekly magazine
is gonna feel

1466
01:12:36,280 --> 01:12:37,725
when they see this baby.

1467
01:12:38,040 --> 01:12:39,280
(maniacal laughing)

1468
01:12:39,560 --> 01:12:42,370
For tonight he is going to
start his bloody rampage

1469
01:12:42,640 --> 01:12:44,290
across the True North.

1470
01:12:44,560 --> 01:12:49,248
Killing every art critic
in Canada.

1471
01:12:49,680 --> 01:12:51,011
Both: What?

1472
01:12:52,000 --> 01:12:53,604
Go my Goalie Golem.

1473
01:12:53,880 --> 01:12:58,602
Go kill the critics and all
the haters that gotta hate.

1474
01:12:58,880 --> 01:13:01,281
Oh. I hate those haters.

1475
01:13:01,560 --> 01:13:04,325
- You can't let him do this.
- You've gotta stop him.

1476
01:13:04,600 --> 01:13:07,410
Let me just hang on a minute.
Let's...

1477
01:13:07,680 --> 01:13:10,923
He's not talking about
killing real people.

1478
01:13:11,240 --> 01:13:13,846
He's just talking
about killing critics.

1479
01:13:14,160 --> 01:13:15,446
Mr. Lapointe!

1480
01:13:15,720 --> 01:13:17,927
Andronicus: Let it go!
Use the ladder!

1481
01:13:18,200 --> 01:13:19,964
- Go my Goalie Golem!
- (thudding)

1482
01:13:20,240 --> 01:13:22,481
(Andronicus laughs)

1483
01:13:22,800 --> 01:13:23,800
- We can do this.
- Yeah.

1484
01:13:24,040 --> 01:13:25,040
We don't need his help.

1485
01:13:25,160 --> 01:13:26,736
We do tons of stupid
stuff without adults.

1486
01:13:26,760 --> 01:13:28,205
- Both: All the time.
- All the time.

1487
01:13:28,480 --> 01:13:30,403
It's just a bunch of
Bratzis in a giant suit.

1488
01:13:30,720 --> 01:13:32,768
And we beat a bunch of Bratzis before.
Mm-hmm. Yeah.

1489
01:13:33,040 --> 01:13:35,520
Okay but what are we gonna do
aboot Guy Lapointeless over here?

1490
01:13:36,120 --> 01:13:37,645
This epic fail?
(groans)

1491
01:13:38,120 --> 01:13:40,805
Unhand me. Unhand!

1492
01:13:41,440 --> 01:13:44,171
Okay all we have to
do is do every yoga pose

1493
01:13:44,560 --> 01:13:45,800
Yogi Bayer ever taught us.

1494
01:13:46,080 --> 01:13:47,127
That's your plan?

1495
01:13:47,440 --> 01:13:50,842
What in the heck did your
yogurt instructor teach you?

1496
01:13:51,160 --> 01:13:53,083
He taught us to destroy
everything that threatens

1497
01:13:53,360 --> 01:13:55,601
anything and anyone you love.
By hook or by crook.

1498
01:13:55,880 --> 01:13:59,202
And that's the Yoga Way.
Frenchie. Let's go.

1499
01:13:59,960 --> 01:14:03,362
Wunderbar. wunderbar, wunderbar!

1500
01:14:03,640 --> 01:14:04,368
Hey Bratzi Party.

1501
01:14:04,640 --> 01:14:06,529
We wanna have a Weenie Roast.

1502
01:14:06,840 --> 01:14:12,051
(mumbling)
Wunderbar!

1503
01:14:12,320 --> 01:14:16,006
Nein. Das frauleins!

1504
01:14:16,280 --> 01:14:17,008
(stomping)

1505
01:14:17,280 --> 01:14:25,280
Wunderbar. Wunderbar.
Wunderbar...

1506
01:14:25,840 --> 01:14:28,366
Nein. nein, nein,
nein, nein, nein.

1507
01:14:28,640 --> 01:14:31,928
You're objective is not
the Colleens. it's the critics.

1508
01:14:32,240 --> 01:14:35,210
- Golem: Nein wunderbar?
- Nein wunderbar.

1509
01:14:35,480 --> 01:14:37,960
This is all bad.
This is all wrong.

1510
01:14:38,240 --> 01:14:39,844
I give you two thumbs down.

1511
01:14:40,160 --> 01:14:42,288
Golem: Das frauleins.

1512
01:14:42,560 --> 01:14:46,326
As your maker. I command
you to crush all the critics

1513
01:14:46,600 --> 01:14:48,329
and the negative peoples

1514
01:14:48,600 --> 01:14:50,443
and the haters who
gotta hate. hate, hate.

1515
01:14:50,760 --> 01:14:52,171
Golem: Mein Heiny.

1516
01:14:52,440 --> 01:14:54,249
What you waiting for?
Golem: Haha..

1517
01:14:54,560 --> 01:14:57,848
I command you to kill a
negative critic right now!

1518
01:14:58,120 --> 01:14:59,929
Golem: Okey dokey. Papa.

1519
01:15:00,200 --> 01:15:01,531
Oh. Sheisse.

1520
01:15:01,840 --> 01:15:02,840
(squishing)

1521
01:15:02,960 --> 01:15:03,960
(gasps)

1522
01:15:07,960 --> 01:15:10,645
They just killed their dad.

1523
01:15:10,920 --> 01:15:18,920
Golem: Wunderbar. wunderbar,
wunderbar...

1524
01:15:20,280 --> 01:15:23,363
All right. I'd say
we got his attention.

1525
01:15:23,640 --> 01:15:24,641
Boss stage. biotch.

1526
01:15:24,960 --> 01:15:27,406
Wunderbar!

1527
01:15:27,680 --> 01:15:28,761
Warrior one!

1528
01:15:29,040 --> 01:15:31,088
Now. warrior two, back to back.

1529
01:15:31,360 --> 01:15:33,249
Okay. now warrior three...

1530
01:15:33,520 --> 01:15:36,410
We crush King Koopa
and save Princess Peach.

1531
01:15:36,720 --> 01:15:41,282
Yeah okay.
Warrior three!

1532
01:15:43,200 --> 01:15:43,928
(belches)

1533
01:15:44,200 --> 01:15:45,486
(thuds)

1534
01:15:45,800 --> 01:15:47,529
(yelling)

1535
01:15:49,320 --> 01:15:51,243
- Shit!
(swoosh)

1536
01:15:52,040 --> 01:15:53,485
- Atlas Shrugged!
- (burps)

1537
01:15:53,760 --> 01:15:54,807
- Atlas Shrugged!

1538
01:15:55,120 --> 01:15:55,530
(burps)

1539
01:15:55,800 --> 01:15:56,800
(thuds)

1540
01:15:56,840 --> 01:15:58,330
Dissatisfied customer!

1541
01:15:59,080 --> 01:16:00,286
(screams)

1542
01:16:01,760 --> 01:16:03,967
"I don't like the
product you've given me!"

1543
01:16:04,240 --> 01:16:05,526
(screams)

1544
01:16:05,800 --> 01:16:07,211
So. this is yoga.

1545
01:16:08,120 --> 01:16:09,120
(yelling)

1546
01:16:09,240 --> 01:16:10,321
Both: Warrior Two!

1547
01:16:10,600 --> 01:16:11,840
- Yoga Fett?
- Yoga Fett.

1548
01:16:12,120 --> 01:16:16,603
Both: Yoga Fett.
Yoga Fett. Yoga Fett. Yoga Fett.

1549
01:16:16,920 --> 01:16:18,649
(roars)

1550
01:16:18,920 --> 01:16:20,524
(panting)

1551
01:16:20,800 --> 01:16:22,006
Basic. right?

1552
01:16:22,280 --> 01:16:23,691
So basic.

1553
01:16:24,000 --> 01:16:25,047
Golem: Ah Schwein!

1554
01:16:25,320 --> 01:16:27,049
(yelling)

1555
01:16:27,960 --> 01:16:29,803
(panting)

1556
01:16:30,080 --> 01:16:31,080
- You okay?
- I'm okay.

1557
01:16:31,360 --> 01:16:33,840
- Are you okay?
- It's been a long night.

1558
01:16:34,120 --> 01:16:35,645
Hey!

1559
01:16:35,920 --> 01:16:38,969
You big bear riding a bulldozer!

1560
01:16:39,280 --> 01:16:43,842
Golem: Wunderbar. Wunderbar.

1561
01:16:44,160 --> 01:16:47,209
Why don't you pick on
somebody your own size huh?

1562
01:16:47,480 --> 01:16:51,565
Wunderbar!

1563
01:16:52,320 --> 01:16:53,320
Don't come to me.

1564
01:16:53,480 --> 01:16:58,771
Wunderbar. Wunderbar.
Wunderbar.

1565
01:17:00,040 --> 01:17:02,168
Auf Wiedersehen!

1566
01:17:02,440 --> 01:17:05,011
(laughs)

1567
01:17:05,800 --> 01:17:07,040
Three-legged Dog!

1568
01:17:07,520 --> 01:17:08,601
Golem: What the...

1569
01:17:08,920 --> 01:17:10,081
(groans)

1570
01:17:10,400 --> 01:17:11,845
Two-Legged Dog.
In a Push Cart.

1571
01:17:13,160 --> 01:17:15,811
(screams)

1572
01:17:19,000 --> 01:17:22,721
Mein spine!
(gasps)

1573
01:17:23,040 --> 01:17:24,536
Of all the times not
to have our phones.

1574
01:17:24,560 --> 01:17:25,721
Right?

1575
01:17:27,560 --> 01:17:31,485
(panting)

1576
01:17:31,800 --> 01:17:34,485
- (screams)
- (squishing)

1577
01:17:36,440 --> 01:17:38,841
I am so sorry ladies.
But I seem

1578
01:17:39,120 --> 01:17:41,088
to have dropped my
book onto your wiener.

1579
01:17:41,360 --> 01:17:43,727
(laughing)

1580
01:17:44,000 --> 01:17:45,525
(snorts)
(laughing)

1581
01:17:55,560 --> 01:17:57,403
No, no, no, no, no!

1582
01:17:57,680 --> 01:17:59,576
I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
But this is getting ridiculous.

1583
01:17:59,600 --> 01:18:01,887
Now you're telling me that
you own Boo Boo Bayers too?

1584
01:18:03,280 --> 01:18:04,850
How can Warner Brothers
own something

1585
01:18:05,160 --> 01:18:06,810
that I just made up last week?

1586
01:18:07,120 --> 01:18:08,121
No. I did!

1587
01:18:08,400 --> 01:18:10,164
Yes. out of my own brain.

1588
01:18:10,440 --> 01:18:12,124
Smarter than what average bear?

1589
01:18:12,400 --> 01:18:13,400
No. No. No. I...

1590
01:18:13,560 --> 01:18:16,609
Sorry. sorry, may I speak?
Is it my turn to speak?

1591
01:18:16,920 --> 01:18:18,336
I think you need to
find some inner peace.

1592
01:18:18,360 --> 01:18:19,360
Mr. Yelling Lawyer Man.

1593
01:18:19,440 --> 01:18:21,363
So why don't you shove
your head up your anus

1594
01:18:21,680 --> 01:18:24,047
- and look for it? Namaste.
- (phone beeps)

1595
01:18:24,320 --> 01:18:26,607
(groans)
Piece of shit.

1596
01:18:26,880 --> 01:18:28,723
(knocking on door)

1597
01:18:29,000 --> 01:18:30,729
Man: Young ladies. Young ladies.

1598
01:18:31,000 --> 01:18:34,527
Might I just tell you I
am a huge. huge, huge fan.

1599
01:18:34,800 --> 01:18:36,484
Out! Get out! Take off!

1600
01:18:36,760 --> 01:18:37,841
- I'm a fan!
- Shoo!

1601
01:18:38,120 --> 01:18:38,803
No. No. No. you go!

1602
01:18:39,080 --> 01:18:40,536
- Man: What am I. a dog?
- Yogi: Shoo, get going!

1603
01:18:40,560 --> 01:18:42,080
- No. go, go!
- But I want to see them!

1604
01:18:42,240 --> 01:18:44,440
You're smudging my glass with
your perverted energy. go!

1605
01:18:44,560 --> 01:18:46,449
Sorry aboot that. girls.

1606
01:18:46,720 --> 01:18:49,160
I'm very incredibly satisfied
by those dissatisfied customers.

1607
01:18:49,400 --> 01:18:50,686
No. We don't want it. right?

1608
01:18:51,000 --> 01:18:53,606
(claps)
And release.

1609
01:18:53,920 --> 01:18:55,200
Sorry about that guy.
Yogi Bayer.

1610
01:18:55,320 --> 01:18:57,440
No. No. No. do not be sorry.
That is not the yoga way.

1611
01:18:57,640 --> 01:19:01,042
In yoga. you're right
and they're wrong.

1612
01:19:01,320 --> 01:19:03,687
Savasana. ladies. Savasana.

1613
01:19:09,320 --> 01:19:13,006
You know. I am so
proud of you girls.

1614
01:19:13,280 --> 01:19:14,884
You really
legitimized this place

1615
01:19:15,160 --> 01:19:17,200
and brought honor to the
sacred strip mall yoga dojo

1616
01:19:17,360 --> 01:19:20,603
and a 60 percent increase in
walking traffic to boot!

1617
01:19:20,880 --> 01:19:22,848
My two best pupils.

1618
01:19:23,160 --> 01:19:25,925
Both faced the ultimate
evil. the yoga way.

1619
01:19:26,240 --> 01:19:28,925
And you kicked it's
little Nazi assner.

1620
01:19:29,240 --> 01:19:29,968
(chuckles)

1621
01:19:30,240 --> 01:19:31,969
You girls are my kind of
superheroes.

1622
01:19:32,240 --> 01:19:32,809
And when I grow up.

1623
01:19:33,120 --> 01:19:35,487
I want to be as colossal
as the Colleens.

1624
01:19:35,760 --> 01:19:36,760
- Thanks. Yogi.
- Thanks.

1625
01:19:37,000 --> 01:19:38,764
Stop it. you're
going to make me cry.

1626
01:19:39,040 --> 01:19:40,804
- (ringtone plays)
- Phones?

1627
01:19:41,080 --> 01:19:43,811
- You're on speaker phone. Dad.
- Hi. Mr. Collette!

1628
01:19:44,080 --> 01:19:45,605
Bob: You've got work tonight!

1629
01:19:45,880 --> 01:19:46,880
(groans)

1630
01:19:47,120 --> 01:19:48,326
Ooh. Lucky you.

1631
01:19:51,480 --> 01:19:53,084
You ready?

1632
01:19:53,400 --> 01:19:54,925
Already have a sign.

1633
01:19:55,200 --> 01:19:57,521
- Oh my god. Colleen!
- What?

1634
01:19:57,800 --> 01:19:59,484
Add another heart!

1635
01:19:59,760 --> 01:20:02,411
- Jesus.
- (pen squeaks)

1636
01:20:02,680 --> 01:20:03,806
- Better?
- Better.

1637
01:20:04,080 --> 01:20:05,206
- Ready?
- Ready.

1638
01:20:05,480 --> 01:20:10,008
(rock music plays)

1639
01:20:14,120 --> 01:20:19,120
(singing "Oh Canada")

1640
01:21:16,720 --> 01:21:18,882
En Francois!

1641
01:21:19,960 --> 01:21:24,960
(singing in French)

1642
01:21:52,600 --> 01:21:57,600
(guitar solo)

1643
01:22:11,640 --> 01:22:19,640
(singing "Oh Canada")

1644
01:26:00,400 --> 01:26:02,323
Kevin: Welcome to
Smodcast. I'm Kevin Smith.

1645
01:26:02,640 --> 01:26:03,323
Scott: Scott Mosier.

1646
01:26:03,640 --> 01:26:05,688
Kevin: Hey. Scott.
So. from Edmonton.

1647
01:26:05,960 --> 01:26:06,960
Good ol' YEG.

1648
01:26:07,040 --> 01:26:08,176
A team of police
officers were opening

1649
01:26:08,200 --> 01:26:13,764
- Scott: Open up. Yoga hoser!
- (laughing)

1650
01:26:14,040 --> 01:26:16,771
Kevin: Yoga hoser. Genius.

1651
01:26:17,040 --> 01:26:18,849
Scott: Do you guys
want some twig tea?

1652
01:26:19,160 --> 01:26:22,323
(laughing)

1653
01:26:22,600 --> 01:26:24,250
You look like you
could use some.

1654
01:26:24,520 --> 01:26:26,602
Kevin: You look
like a poutine eater.

1655
01:26:27,000 --> 01:26:28,684
(laughing)

1656
01:26:29,000 --> 01:26:30,490
I enjoy a good
poutine now and then?

1657
01:26:30,760 --> 01:26:32,536
- Scott: Yeah. who doesn't?
- Kevin: Hey. hey, hey.

1658
01:26:32,560 --> 01:26:34,280
Don't engage with this guy.
Damn yoga hoser.

1659
01:26:34,520 --> 01:26:39,481
(laughing)

1660
01:26:40,200 --> 01:26:42,202
Don't go down the road with him.

1661
01:26:42,480 --> 01:26:43,845
(laughing)

1662
01:26:44,120 --> 01:26:46,248
We got a database
of yoga hosers.

1663
01:26:46,560 --> 01:26:49,006
(laughing)

1664
01:26:49,280 --> 01:26:51,521
You're the termites of Canada.

1665
01:26:51,800 --> 01:26:52,800
God damn you hosers.

1666
01:26:52,960 --> 01:26:56,646
Scott: Gnawing away at the
foundation of this great country.

1667
01:26:56,920 --> 01:27:00,208
(laughing)

1668
01:27:00,480 --> 01:27:08,480
With your smoky incense and
your patchouli. (laughing)

1669
01:27:09,040 --> 01:27:12,203
It smells like a
Chinese brothel in here!

1670
01:27:12,480 --> 01:27:16,530
(laughter)

1671
01:27:16,840 --> 01:27:22,882
It's really hard out here
for a yoga hoser. man.

1672
01:27:23,160 --> 01:27:26,050
I want to start a podcast.

1673
01:27:26,320 --> 01:27:31,360
(laughing)

1674
01:27:31,680 --> 01:27:32,696
Kevin: That's Smodcast
for this week.

1675
01:27:32,720 --> 01:27:34,320
- I'm Kevin Smith.
- Scott: Scott Mosier.

1676
01:27:34,440 --> 01:27:35,680
Kevin: Have a week!

1676
01:27:36,305 --> 01:27:42,225
Please rate this subtitle at www.osdb.link/3ms5
Help other users to choose the best subtitles