1
00:00:06,000 --> 00:00:12,074
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2
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- You are not just a mom.

3
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You are a hot, hot, single lady.

4
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Oh, God.
- Mom!

5
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- Just a second, sweetie!

6
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You are a well-educated... female person...

7
00:01:40,320 --> 00:01:42,607
with a very big...

8
00:01:42,720 --> 00:01:44,131
set of tits.

9
00:01:45,280 --> 00:01:49,080
- Mommy!
- Fuck me. Coming!

10
00:01:51,320 --> 00:01:55,609
- All right, Momma's bringing in
the big board. Let's do this.

11
00:01:55,760 --> 00:01:58,286
Gracie, do you have
your show-and-tell, honey?

12
00:01:58,400 --> 00:02:01,165
Yes, you do. Good girl!

13
00:02:01,280 --> 00:02:03,567
Will, buddy, helmet and pads?

14
00:02:04,600 --> 00:02:07,046
Are those boys still giving you
a hard time at practice?

15
00:02:09,200 --> 00:02:11,441
Okay, well, screw football.

16
00:02:11,560 --> 00:02:14,484
How about glee club, huh?
Show tunes!

17
00:02:17,880 --> 00:02:21,601
- Mommy, can we listen to singing music
on the way to school?

18
00:02:21,720 --> 00:02:24,087
- No, honey, I like to listen
to news in the morning.

19
00:02:24,200 --> 00:02:26,567
- Can I play on your phone?
- Nope.

20
00:02:27,400 --> 00:02:30,529
Amelia!

21
00:02:30,640 --> 00:02:33,325
You know we don't do screams
before school.

22
00:02:33,440 --> 00:02:36,125
- He took his diaper off! Poop!

23
00:02:36,240 --> 00:02:38,846
' Oh! Fuck!
- Poop!

24
00:02:49,040 --> 00:02:52,010
<i>♪ Been running so long ♪</i>

25
00:02:52,120 --> 00:02:55,044
<i>♪ I've nearly lost all track of time ♪</i>

26
00:02:55,160 --> 00:02:58,084
<i>♪ In every direction ♪</i>

27
00:02:58,200 --> 00:03:01,124
<i>♪ I couldn't see the warning signs ♪</i>

28
00:03:01,280 --> 00:03:04,250
<i>♪ >a' I must be losin' it ♪</i>

29
00:03:04,360 --> 00:03:07,250
<i>♪ 'Cause my mind plays tricks on me ♪</i>

30
00:03:07,360 --> 00:03:10,330
<i>♪ It looked so easy ♪</i>

31
00:03:10,440 --> 00:03:13,410
<i>♪ But you know looks sometimes deceive ♪</i>

32
00:03:13,520 --> 00:03:16,444
<i>♪ Been running so fast ♪</i>

33
00:03:16,560 --> 00:03:19,484
<i>♪ Right from the starting line ♪</i>

34
00:03:19,600 --> 00:03:22,524
<i>♪ No more connections ♪</i>

35
00:03:22,680 --> 00:03:25,604
<i>♪ I don't need any more advice ♪</i>

36
00:03:25,720 --> 00:03:28,769
<i>♪ One hand's just reaching out ♪</i>

37
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<i>♪ And one's just hangin' on ♪</i>

38
00:03:31,800 --> 00:03:34,849
<i>♪ It seems my weaknesses ♪</i>

39
00:03:36,440 --> 00:03:39,091
<i>♪ Just keep going strong ♪</i>

40
00:03:39,200 --> 00:03:40,804
<i>♪ Head over heels ♪</i>

41
00:03:40,920 --> 00:03:42,285
<i>♪ Where should I go ♪</i>

42
00:03:42,400 --> 00:03:45,210
<i>♪ Can't stop myself
Outta control ♪</i>

43
00:03:45,320 --> 00:03:48,244
<i>♪ Head over heels
No time to think ♪</i>

44
00:03:48,360 --> 00:03:51,762
<i>♪ Looks like
the whole world's out of sync♪</i>

45
00:03:51,880 --> 00:03:55,009
<i>♪ Head over heels
Where should I go ♪</i>

46
00:03:55,120 --> 00:03:57,487
<i>♪ Can't stop myself
Outta control ♪</i>

47
00:03:57,600 --> 00:04:01,047
<i>♪ Head over heels
No time to think ♪</i>

48
00:04:01,160 --> 00:04:04,323
<i>♪ Looks like
the whole world's out of sync♪</i>

49
00:04:15,760 --> 00:04:18,206
- Good afternoon, Jen.
Gorgeous day we're having, huh?

50
00:04:18,360 --> 00:04:21,091
Got that sun dialled up to a 10.

51
00:04:21,200 --> 00:04:25,000
- It is. It's so bright out,
do you really need that flashlight?

52
00:04:25,120 --> 00:04:27,930
- I probably wouldn't have seen
Greyson pick his nose and wipe it

53
00:04:28,040 --> 00:04:31,681
on the back of your seat without it, huh?
Don't worry. They all do it.

54
00:04:31,800 --> 00:04:33,370
I got you.
- Oh.

55
00:04:33,480 --> 00:04:35,005
- Hey!
- Shit!

56
00:04:35,120 --> 00:04:38,966
- Owen is begging for a play date
with the boys. You gotta come over.

57
00:04:39,080 --> 00:04:41,924
- Oh! Oh, hey,
uh, this is the call I'm expecting.

58
00:04:43,720 --> 00:04:46,485
Silent. It's on silent.

59
00:04:47,120 --> 00:04:48,485
- Hey, Sally.

60
00:04:49,680 --> 00:04:52,365
- Whoa, uh...
- Orange cones, no phones.

61
00:04:52,520 --> 00:04:54,010
- I was buying milk. I'm out of milk.

62
00:04:54,120 --> 00:04:55,936
- Well, there's a Trader Joe's
right around the corner.

63
00:04:55,960 --> 00:04:57,480
- Yeah, well,
I don't do markets, okay?

64
00:04:57,560 --> 00:04:59,210
So please just give me my phone, Melissa.

65
00:04:59,360 --> 00:05:01,806
Uh, uh, Melody.

66
00:05:01,920 --> 00:05:03,604
I mean...
- It's Melanie, Kate.

67
00:05:03,720 --> 00:05:06,564
God, we've been going to the same school
for five years?

68
00:05:06,680 --> 00:05:09,923
- Just give me my phone, please, Melanie.

69
00:05:11,320 --> 00:05:12,924
Hey, what the...?

70
00:05:13,080 --> 00:05:15,287
- Are those car seats
even installed properly?

71
00:05:15,400 --> 00:05:18,051
And does this beauty
even have anti-lock brakes?

72
00:05:18,160 --> 00:05:20,527
- Yes. Obviously it does.

73
00:05:20,640 --> 00:05:22,529
And power windows.

74
00:05:23,600 --> 00:05:25,364
- Seriously?

75
00:05:33,160 --> 00:05:35,891
- We had a big day
and then Teacher Sherry

76
00:05:36,000 --> 00:05:38,844
witnessed Amelia offering her spot
on the green rug.

77
00:05:38,960 --> 00:05:42,965
The empathy that displays,
Amelia, it's... it's profound.

78
00:05:44,960 --> 00:05:46,450
Come on, you two get in here.

79
00:05:46,560 --> 00:05:50,246
You both are settling in beautifully
to your first month at school. Aren't you?

80
00:05:50,360 --> 00:05:51,964
- Yeah.
- Bit of a relief. Right?

81
00:05:52,120 --> 00:05:54,521
- Yes. All right, bug, come on.
Let's go get our stuff, huh?

82
00:05:54,640 --> 00:05:57,325
- Have an amazing day. So great to see you.
- Thank you. You too.

83
00:05:57,440 --> 00:06:01,286
- Yay! Okay, hold still.
- Oh, that's one cute cubby.

84
00:06:03,120 --> 00:06:05,885
Rose-budding really takes it
to the next level.

85
00:06:06,000 --> 00:06:07,286
- Rose-budding!

86
00:06:07,400 --> 00:06:09,323
Ooh, that'll get a lot of likes, right?

87
00:06:09,440 --> 00:06:10,783
Now I get the iPad, Mommy?

88
00:06:10,808 --> 00:06:13,389
As soon as we get in
the car, sweetie, okay?

89
00:06:13,480 --> 00:06:16,165
As soon as we get in the car.
And don't forget,

90
00:06:16,280 --> 00:06:18,601
you get to sleep
at your daddy's house tonight,

91
00:06:18,720 --> 00:06:20,882
and Mommy gets some alone time.

92
00:06:21,000 --> 00:06:22,809
- Can't even remember what that's like.

93
00:06:23,800 --> 00:06:27,646
- Hey, I know this is kind of last minute,
but Melanie - you know, Grace's mom? -

94
00:06:27,760 --> 00:06:29,808
she and I are going out tomorrow night.

95
00:06:29,920 --> 00:06:32,605
I got us a reservation
in this new tapas place.

96
00:06:32,720 --> 00:06:34,529
Would you wanna join?
- Uh, topless?

97
00:06:34,640 --> 00:06:37,644
- Yeah, topless place. I thought, you know,
sexy dancers, little appetizers.

98
00:06:37,760 --> 00:06:39,364
No. Tapas.
- Oh, my God!

99
00:06:39,480 --> 00:06:41,448
- Tapas.
- Tapas!

100
00:06:41,560 --> 00:06:44,928
Yeah, no, tapas. Wow, yeah,
that would be really nice. Thank you.

101
00:06:45,040 --> 00:06:47,691
- Yeah, we like to do these fun mom dinners
every couple of weeks.

102
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Lots of wine, no kids.
It's kind of heaven.

103
00:06:49,880 --> 00:06:51,325
- Yeah, sounds like it.
- Hi, ladies.

104
00:06:51,440 --> 00:06:54,808
- Hey, Mel, guess what. Emily is gonna
join us for dinner tomorrow night.

105
00:06:54,920 --> 00:06:56,285
- Oh, fantastic.
- Ls that okay?

106
00:06:56,400 --> 00:06:59,370
- Yeah, it's great. I love welcoming
new moms to the Happy Days community.

107
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I can't wait to hear your story, Emily.

108
00:07:01,520 --> 00:07:03,887
- Um, would it be okay if I invited Kate?

109
00:07:05,840 --> 00:07:07,524
- Kate with the twin boys?
- Yeah.

110
00:07:07,640 --> 00:07:09,047
Wait. Are you
friends with her?

111
00:07:09,072 --> 00:07:11,225
Yeah, yeah, we went to
high school together.

112
00:07:11,320 --> 00:07:14,927
That's how I got Amelia in here
so last minute when we moved.

113
00:07:16,280 --> 00:07:18,567
- Kate doesn't usually do stuff
with us other moms,

114
00:07:18,680 --> 00:07:22,287
or even return my emails, but I know she got
it, 'cause I have that sent-return thing.

115
00:07:22,400 --> 00:07:24,767
But since you guys are so close,
if you wanna invite her,

116
00:07:24,920 --> 00:07:26,888
I mean, that's fine,
she could come with us, yeah.

117
00:07:27,000 --> 00:07:29,256
- That'd be wonderful.
- Okay, no, I'll mention it to her later.

118
00:07:29,280 --> 00:07:30,680
That sounds great. Thank you, guys.

119
00:07:30,800 --> 00:07:32,529
Gotta go. Bye. Thank you.
- Bye.

120
00:07:32,680 --> 00:07:35,809
- I like your skirt. It's so pretty.
- Oh, thanks.

121
00:07:35,920 --> 00:07:39,527
- I bet my left tit
that bitch Kate doesn't come.

122
00:07:51,080 --> 00:07:52,889
- Hello, gorgeous.

123
00:07:53,880 --> 00:07:55,882
Shut up!

124
00:07:56,000 --> 00:07:58,162
- Mom!!
- He took it!

125
00:07:58,280 --> 00:08:00,886
I'm in the playoff!

126
00:08:01,040 --> 00:08:03,611
Where are you?!

127
00:08:06,280 --> 00:08:08,203
Where are you?!

128
00:08:17,480 --> 00:08:19,209
Whoa, whoa!

129
00:08:19,320 --> 00:08:21,561
One at a time, dudes, one at a time.

130
00:08:21,680 --> 00:08:24,524
- Make them shut up, okay?
I'm in the playoffs!

131
00:08:24,640 --> 00:08:28,611
- The twins knocked over my Legos
and I have to poop.

132
00:08:28,720 --> 00:08:31,405
- Oh, get in there, go. Get in there, go.

133
00:08:31,520 --> 00:08:34,683
- He took my sabre!
- Because it's mine!

134
00:08:34,800 --> 00:08:36,564
- Okay-

135
00:08:39,080 --> 00:08:40,969
There you go. Downstairs.

136
00:08:41,120 --> 00:08:42,770
Have fun.

137
00:08:42,880 --> 00:08:44,609
Daddy's calling you.

138
00:08:51,520 --> 00:08:53,492
Hey. Sorry I couldn't
talk to you at pick-up.

139
00:08:53,517 --> 00:08:55,230
I can't take hanging
around that place.

140
00:08:55,320 --> 00:08:59,086
- <i>Oh, guess who got</i> a <i>poop facial
and taught our kid how to say the F word?</i>

141
00:08:59,200 --> 00:09:03,569
- Oh, wait, you had shit on your face
and you're worried

142
00:09:03,680 --> 00:09:06,047
<i>your kid learned the word fuck?
- You don't understand.</i>

143
00:09:06,160 --> 00:09:08,891
I never swear in front
of them, is the thing.

144
00:09:09,000 --> 00:09:13,130
- <i>Shit, I'd be more worried</i> about <i>pink eye.</i>
- <i>How is it possible that this kid</i>

145
00:09:13,280 --> 00:09:15,169
still has the S-H-I-T-S?

146
00:09:15,320 --> 00:09:17,800
- Well, now you know
what you're really missing out on

147
00:09:17,920 --> 00:09:19,684
when you're pulling
those 12-hour workdays.

148
00:09:19,800 --> 00:09:22,087
- It's incredible to me
that my life still revolves

149
00:09:22,200 --> 00:09:25,090
around other people's S-H-I-T.
I can't believe it.

150
00:09:25,200 --> 00:09:26,770
- Oh, I can.

151
00:09:29,160 --> 00:09:31,049
- You're good at this.

152
00:09:32,560 --> 00:09:34,164
Do it again?
- Okay.

153
00:09:34,280 --> 00:09:35,611
- I love it, Emily.

154
00:09:35,760 --> 00:09:38,206
You look beautiful.
- Oh, really?

155
00:09:38,320 --> 00:09:40,482
I feel like you've never
seen me with my hair brushed.

156
00:09:40,640 --> 00:09:43,291
- Hey, I'm home. Hey...
- Hey.

157
00:09:43,400 --> 00:09:45,402
- Daddy's home!
- Oh, Amelia Bedelia!

158
00:09:45,560 --> 00:09:47,722
How you doing?
Oh, my goodness.

159
00:09:47,840 --> 00:09:51,287
Oh, gosh, are we busy
making some drawings here?

160
00:09:51,440 --> 00:09:52,851
What the...?

161
00:09:52,960 --> 00:09:55,804
Wow, honey, this is, um...

162
00:09:55,920 --> 00:09:57,684
this is an interesting one.

163
00:09:57,800 --> 00:10:00,326
Wh-what exactly is going on here?

164
00:10:00,440 --> 00:10:03,125
- It's a whale spraying Mommy.
- Um...

165
00:10:03,240 --> 00:10:06,164
I... I guess I didn't know Mommy
was into that sort of thing,

166
00:10:06,280 --> 00:10:08,601
but, uh, okay.

167
00:10:08,720 --> 00:10:10,722
All right.

168
00:10:11,800 --> 00:10:13,484
- Oh, sorry.
- Sorry.

169
00:10:13,600 --> 00:10:16,410
Okay, I'm gonna, uh...
I'll just get changed and...

170
00:10:17,760 --> 00:10:21,367
- He's got this thing
about messing up my lipstick.

171
00:10:23,640 --> 00:10:27,929
- Is this, like, Top Chef or something? Are
we gonna be judged on our work? Thank you.

172
00:10:28,040 --> 00:10:29,644
- No, it's a delivery thing, man.

173
00:10:29,760 --> 00:10:32,001
It's a startup,
which I should've invested in.

174
00:10:32,120 --> 00:10:34,168
It's all local and organic and sustainable.

175
00:10:34,320 --> 00:10:36,721
And they just drop it off for you.

176
00:10:36,840 --> 00:10:40,526
- What drops it off, an electric tractor
being pulled by a rescue dog?

177
00:10:40,640 --> 00:10:42,369
Thanks, Kate.

178
00:10:42,480 --> 00:10:44,528
- This is literally farm
to table, you guys.

179
00:10:44,640 --> 00:10:46,608
Farm to table.

180
00:10:46,720 --> 00:10:49,041
- Straight from the farm.
- Straight to the table.

181
00:10:49,160 --> 00:10:52,084
- To the...
- Right to the table. Are you kidding me?

182
00:10:52,200 --> 00:10:54,009
- There's no middleman.
- Oh, my God.

183
00:10:54,120 --> 00:10:56,043
Well, thank you so much for having us over

184
00:10:56,160 --> 00:10:58,367
so we could make our own dinner.
This is great.

185
00:10:58,480 --> 00:11:03,168
- Kate, I think it's awesome,
I think it's super creative, and I like it.

186
00:11:03,280 --> 00:11:06,648
- Thanks, Em.
- Don't cut yourself, now.

187
00:11:06,760 --> 00:11:11,049
- All right. Let's do this. Okay?
- Okay. Yeah.

188
00:11:11,160 --> 00:11:14,004
Right. Do you wanna do the...
chop up the veggies?

189
00:11:14,120 --> 00:11:15,645
- What's up with the sauce?

190
00:11:15,760 --> 00:11:17,888
- Just a little...
- Oh, no, no, no, hold on.

191
00:11:19,320 --> 00:11:21,721
Throw the veggies in first
and then the sauce goes...

192
00:11:21,840 --> 00:11:24,650
- I think it'll just...
- No, no. It's like this for a reason.

193
00:11:24,760 --> 00:11:27,570
You know, sometimes, recipes are
in a specific order for a reason.

194
00:11:27,680 --> 00:11:29,921
It's gonna screw the whole thing up if...
- Ahem.

195
00:11:30,080 --> 00:11:33,402
- It cooks together... Okay, it's fine.
- Did you guys...

196
00:11:33,520 --> 00:11:35,761
Do you have any
of that yellow sauce leftover?

197
00:11:35,920 --> 00:11:38,287
- Mm-hmm, yep.
- Kind of wasted all of ours.

198
00:11:38,400 --> 00:11:39,640
Um...

199
00:11:39,800 --> 00:11:42,883
Yeah, I think, uh,
this move's gonna be great for us.

200
00:11:43,000 --> 00:11:44,365
- Yeah.
- And great for us, Em.

201
00:11:44,480 --> 00:11:46,847
We get to hang like the old times,
just the girls.

202
00:11:46,960 --> 00:11:49,566
- Speaking of just the girls,
a couple of the moms from school

203
00:11:49,680 --> 00:11:51,489
asked me out for a fun mom dinner.

204
00:11:51,600 --> 00:11:54,490
- That sounds awful.
- Hey, it's a fun mom dinner.

205
00:11:54,600 --> 00:11:57,206
How can it not be, you know, fun?

206
00:11:57,360 --> 00:11:59,840
- Shut the fuck up, hon.
Which ones were they?

207
00:11:59,960 --> 00:12:01,450
- One of them was named Jamie.

208
00:12:01,560 --> 00:12:04,006
- I know her. I mean,
I don't "know" know her.

209
00:12:04,160 --> 00:12:05,810
I follow her on Instagram.

210
00:12:05,920 --> 00:12:07,809
She's a bit of an over-sharer.

211
00:12:07,920 --> 00:12:11,447
- Seriously, Andrew? Jesus, I mean,
some wives would be pissed about this.

212
00:12:11,560 --> 00:12:14,245
I think I'm just embarrassed for you. Here.
- Whoa.

213
00:12:14,360 --> 00:12:16,681
- #sharedcustody?

214
00:12:16,800 --> 00:12:19,326
# metime?

215
00:12:19,440 --> 00:12:22,284
Fuck, if it's me time,
why feel the need to share it with us?

216
00:12:22,400 --> 00:12:23,576
Who's the other mom?
- Melanie.

217
00:12:23,600 --> 00:12:25,364
- Okay, that woman is bat-shit crazy.

218
00:12:25,480 --> 00:12:28,643
I think she runs a fight club
in the Helping Hand yard.

219
00:12:28,760 --> 00:12:31,525
- No, they're trying to be nice.
- You have to get out of it.

220
00:12:31,640 --> 00:12:33,040
Just say Wyatt's sick or something.

221
00:12:33,080 --> 00:12:36,323
- No, don't listen to her, Em.
And you should go too, babe.

222
00:12:36,480 --> 00:12:39,450
- Honey, I think this is great.
You should make more friends,

223
00:12:39,560 --> 00:12:41,562
you should, you know, widen your circle.

224
00:12:41,680 --> 00:12:43,967
- Widen your circle?
- That's super sexual.

225
00:12:44,080 --> 00:12:46,481
- Yeah, maybe it is sexual. So what?

226
00:12:46,600 --> 00:12:49,046
- You're just gonna widen it,
take a look around.

227
00:12:49,200 --> 00:12:51,089
- Oh! Speaking...

228
00:12:51,200 --> 00:12:55,569
of sexual innuendo...
look what I found in the move.

229
00:12:55,680 --> 00:12:57,887
- What is it?
- Oh, my God.

230
00:12:58,000 --> 00:13:01,721
It's our sex questionnaire
from sophomore year.

231
00:13:01,880 --> 00:13:03,882
- We answered every
question with Jake Ryan.

232
00:13:04,000 --> 00:13:07,482
Yes! And it marked the birth
of the I Love Jake Club.

233
00:13:07,640 --> 00:13:10,371
- The I love who?
- Jake Ryan from Sixteen Candles.

234
00:13:10,480 --> 00:13:13,962
That was our movie.
Jake Ryan is like the perfect guy.

235
00:13:14,080 --> 00:13:15,625
I've never heard
about any of this.

236
00:13:15,650 --> 00:13:17,665
There were two presidents
and two members.

237
00:13:17,760 --> 00:13:20,366
- You guys started a club
and there's only two people in it?

238
00:13:20,480 --> 00:13:23,962
That's adorable and sad. Let me see this.

239
00:13:26,000 --> 00:13:29,209
- Yeah, you two can't be in the club.
- What?!

240
00:13:46,440 --> 00:13:47,851
<i>- HEY-
- HEY-</i>

241
00:13:53,240 --> 00:13:54,844
- All yours.

242
00:14:04,040 --> 00:14:06,611
You wanna watch a little John Oliver?

243
00:14:09,280 --> 00:14:10,850
- No.

244
00:14:13,680 --> 00:14:18,163
Oh, hey, would you mind taking Amelia
to school tomorrow so I can go work out?

245
00:14:18,280 --> 00:14:20,886
- No... fucking... way.

246
00:14:21,000 --> 00:14:23,082
- What?

247
00:14:24,080 --> 00:14:25,684
" Mommy!

248
00:14:30,280 --> 00:14:32,726
- Hey, shhh, shhh, shhh...

249
00:14:33,720 --> 00:14:35,290
Mommy's here.

250
00:14:54,800 --> 00:14:57,167
Don't forget to go pee-pee.
Remember last time?

251
00:14:57,280 --> 00:15:00,602
- Did you really just tell me to go pee-pee?
- I did.

252
00:15:00,720 --> 00:15:03,610
- 'Cause I don't have to. I came prepared.

253
00:15:03,720 --> 00:15:06,690
- Oh!
- Sam's pull-up is tight as fuck!

254
00:15:06,840 --> 00:15:08,171
- Oh, that is so wrong.

255
00:15:08,280 --> 00:15:12,126
- You push out two more kids
and see if you don't need one.

256
00:15:13,200 --> 00:15:16,204
Hey, what's going on with you?

257
00:15:16,320 --> 00:15:17,810
Tom stuff again?

258
00:15:17,920 --> 00:15:19,285
- No.

259
00:15:19,400 --> 00:15:20,811
Yes.

260
00:15:20,920 --> 00:15:23,605
- You seemed happy last night.

261
00:15:23,720 --> 00:15:26,803
Please tell me you went home and
had drunk sex. Oh, please, hardly.

262
00:15:26,920 --> 00:15:29,491
Tom has zero interest in sex. Forget sex.

263
00:15:29,600 --> 00:15:32,251
I haven't had a hug in months.
- Oh.

264
00:15:32,360 --> 00:15:35,648
- The last hug I got, I think,
was from Teacher Sherry.

265
00:15:35,760 --> 00:15:37,444
Kind of felt a little something.

266
00:15:37,560 --> 00:15:40,404
Okay, ladies, positions, please.

267
00:15:40,520 --> 00:15:42,648
Come on, ladies, positions, please.

268
00:15:42,760 --> 00:15:44,922
- We need to talk about this.
- Dinner tonight?

269
00:15:45,040 --> 00:15:47,486
- I wanna see those knees to cheeks.

270
00:15:47,600 --> 00:15:50,888
Five, six, seven, eight, and go down, down,

271
00:15:51,000 --> 00:15:53,970
down, down, down, down!
That's it. Ugh!

272
00:15:55,080 --> 00:15:58,163
- Good thing this is an overnight.
- Whoo!

273
00:15:58,280 --> 00:16:00,851
Ooh, down, down, down! Ooh, higher!

274
00:16:00,960 --> 00:16:03,691
Let me hear you say whoo!

275
00:16:03,800 --> 00:16:05,768
- Whoo!
- Whoo!

276
00:16:09,600 --> 00:16:13,321
- I do not get this.
Do you know how to do Instagram?

277
00:16:13,440 --> 00:16:15,090
I'm stuck.

278
00:16:15,240 --> 00:16:17,891
Hey, good timing.
I just got a text from Kate a minute ago

279
00:16:18,000 --> 00:16:20,287
who's gonna be here in five, so...
- Oh, I texted Andrew.

280
00:16:20,400 --> 00:16:22,562
We're gonna go hang out
over there for a bit.

281
00:16:22,680 --> 00:16:25,365
- Oh, are you sure it's a good idea,
'cause it's a school night,

282
00:16:25,480 --> 00:16:29,371
and you know if Wyatt falls asleep in
the car, he's never gonna transfer.

283
00:16:29,480 --> 00:16:31,916
It will be great, babe.
The kids'll have fun.

284
00:16:31,941 --> 00:16:33,475
Oh, fun, what a concept.

285
00:16:33,560 --> 00:16:36,564
- No, you don't get to do
the "we never have fun anymore" thing.

286
00:16:36,720 --> 00:16:39,291
I'm babysitting tonight
so you can go out and have fun.

287
00:16:39,400 --> 00:16:40,845
- You're babysitting, Tom?!
- Yeah.

288
00:16:40,960 --> 00:16:43,531
- It's not babysitting
when they're your kids.

289
00:16:43,640 --> 00:16:46,484
- Yeah, it is.
- No, it's parenting.

290
00:16:46,600 --> 00:16:49,040
- You're splitting hairs there,
but, yeah, sure, I mean, both.

291
00:16:49,120 --> 00:16:50,645
- His green blanket is in the dryer.

292
00:16:50,760 --> 00:16:53,491
Do not forget it if you go out.
You'll be so sorry.

293
00:16:53,600 --> 00:16:56,331
Are you listening
to any of this right now?

294
00:16:56,440 --> 00:16:59,523
- Come on. Uh, yeah, yeah,
the diaper and the, um,

295
00:16:59,640 --> 00:17:01,449
the blankets, it's no problem.

296
00:17:01,560 --> 00:17:03,801
- Okay.
- All right, you know what?

297
00:17:03,920 --> 00:17:05,649
I need to take a quick shower.
- All right.

298
00:17:05,760 --> 00:17:07,922
Good luck with that.

299
00:17:08,040 --> 00:17:10,122
Have a good night.
- Okay.

300
00:17:10,240 --> 00:17:11,924
Goodbye.

301
00:17:12,040 --> 00:17:13,530
Good bye.

302
00:17:13,640 --> 00:17:16,723
- But I was just thinking
I needed to take a quick shower.

303
00:17:28,800 --> 00:17:30,370
- Please.
- What?

304
00:17:30,480 --> 00:17:32,687
- Tell me you didn't do this.

305
00:17:34,320 --> 00:17:36,482
- I kind Of did.

306
00:17:37,280 --> 00:17:39,760
- Looks like your classic ambush move.

307
00:17:39,880 --> 00:17:42,451
- That Emily is sneaky.

308
00:17:42,560 --> 00:17:44,210
- I like her.

309
00:17:45,800 --> 00:17:48,371
- I thought this was just gonna be
the two of us,

310
00:17:48,480 --> 00:17:50,562
talking about you and Tom
and shitty life stuff.

311
00:17:50,680 --> 00:17:52,409
- I know. I didn't wanna come alone.

312
00:17:52,520 --> 00:17:55,126
I'm sorry I tricked you, okay?

313
00:17:55,240 --> 00:17:58,130
I just wanted a night
where I am not thinking about Tom.

314
00:17:58,240 --> 00:18:00,004
I need it

315
00:18:01,640 --> 00:18:04,928
- Oprah? Gayle?
Care to open up your friendship circle?

316
00:18:05,040 --> 00:18:06,769
Let's go, come on.

317
00:18:06,880 --> 00:18:09,565
- One hour, that is it.
And you fucking owe me.

318
00:18:09,680 --> 00:18:11,091
- Come on.
- I love you.

319
00:18:11,200 --> 00:18:12,964
- Melanie, you look hot.
- You look great.

320
00:18:13,080 --> 00:18:16,129
- I mean, what else are we
supposed to bring to snack share?

321
00:18:16,280 --> 00:18:19,443
I mean, we've got three kids
allergic to gluten, a tree nut,

322
00:18:19,560 --> 00:18:23,121
two soys,
and that kid with the zipper thing?

323
00:18:23,240 --> 00:18:25,891
- Oh, that kid is not allergic to zippers.
No fucking way.

324
00:18:26,040 --> 00:18:28,441
- But it's on the list.
- He's just scared of them.

325
00:18:28,560 --> 00:18:30,164
That's more of an emotional allergy.

326
00:18:30,280 --> 00:18:32,248
- Yes, I did the ROTC thing in college,

327
00:18:32,360 --> 00:18:35,364
and I came this close to joining
the Armed Forces, you know?

328
00:18:35,480 --> 00:18:37,164
I still think about it.

329
00:18:37,280 --> 00:18:39,806
You cannot get me out of my 'tigues
on the weekends.

330
00:18:39,920 --> 00:18:42,969
- I miss telling people at parties
that I was a lawyer, you know?

331
00:18:43,080 --> 00:18:47,608
Except for I never went to parties, because
I never left the office before 9:00.

332
00:18:47,720 --> 00:18:52,009
And then there was, like, the rare occasion
that I did make it home by bedtime,

333
00:18:52,120 --> 00:18:54,521
and Amelia was calling her nanny "Mama."

334
00:18:54,640 --> 00:18:59,009
- Now that Lexie is with Theo part of the
time, I actually have time to myself.

335
00:18:59,120 --> 00:19:01,407
So I started consulting
with this engineering firm.

336
00:19:01,520 --> 00:19:03,602
Plus I'm training for a half-marathon,

337
00:19:03,720 --> 00:19:06,803
and I get to sleep -
and I'm talking real sleep.

338
00:19:06,920 --> 00:19:09,400
- That is why you look so good.
- Thank you. I appreciate that.

339
00:19:09,520 --> 00:19:13,241
You know, she would never admit it,
but she was my saving grace.

340
00:19:13,360 --> 00:19:15,522
Some of my friends got so weird
after I got separated.

341
00:19:15,640 --> 00:19:17,802
You would not believe,
once you're single,

342
00:19:17,920 --> 00:19:21,083
that these ladies do not want you
around their husbands.

343
00:19:21,200 --> 00:19:24,249
I never saw it coming with my friends,
but not Melanie.

344
00:19:24,360 --> 00:19:26,249
You were always
inviting me out all the time.

345
00:19:26,360 --> 00:19:29,842
Sometimes, she even had to use brute
physical force to get me out of the house.

346
00:19:29,960 --> 00:19:32,611
- That I believe.
- Oh, she speaks.

347
00:19:32,720 --> 00:19:36,441
What should we talk about, Kate?
You know, so we're interesting to you.

348
00:19:36,560 --> 00:19:38,927
I mean, we've all shared.
What's your deal?

349
00:19:39,040 --> 00:19:42,010
- Melanie.
- God. That's a little harsh, don't you think?

350
00:19:42,120 --> 00:19:45,283
- I don't, actually.
- Emily, I can speak for myself.

351
00:19:45,400 --> 00:19:47,528
It's true. Don't wanna be here.

352
00:19:47,640 --> 00:19:50,450
What can I say? I'm mom'd out.

353
00:19:50,560 --> 00:19:54,042
First there were the moms
from when Lucas started school,

354
00:19:54,160 --> 00:19:57,562
and then the Sam moms, more play dates,
more school meetings,

355
00:19:57,680 --> 00:19:59,967
the juicing, the coffees.
I'm over it.

356
00:20:00,080 --> 00:20:02,376
I don't wanna know what birthday parties
are being planned.

357
00:20:02,400 --> 00:20:04,846
I don't give a fuck
about the best Mommy and Me yoga

358
00:20:04,960 --> 00:20:06,803
or Mommy and Me anything.

359
00:20:06,920 --> 00:20:10,288
And I especially don't wanna hear
that super-cute thing their kid said, did,

360
00:20:10,400 --> 00:20:13,927
wrote, or fucking sang,
I mean, come on, you want me to go on?

361
00:20:14,040 --> 00:20:16,088
- No, that's okay.
I think we got the idea.

362
00:20:16,200 --> 00:20:18,726
But just for the record,
Melanie and I do not juice.

363
00:20:18,840 --> 00:20:20,968
- I knew you were a bitch. I knew it.

364
00:20:21,080 --> 00:20:24,402
- Melanie, I'm sorry,
I know you don't like me

365
00:20:24,520 --> 00:20:27,171
because I'm not engaged and involved in...

366
00:20:27,280 --> 00:20:30,648
- No, no, no, no, no, no. My problem
with you isn't that you don't do shit

367
00:20:30,760 --> 00:20:32,444
while the rest of us do the shit.

368
00:20:32,560 --> 00:20:34,449
My problem with you
is that you walk around

369
00:20:34,560 --> 00:20:36,801
like you're too good
to do any shit at all.

370
00:20:36,960 --> 00:20:40,806
- You took my phone yesterday, for
fucksake! And my car wasn't even moving!

371
00:20:40,920 --> 00:20:43,924
Jesus,
just admit you take stuff a little too far.

372
00:20:44,040 --> 00:20:47,362
- When you admit you were texting and driving.
- I was buying milk!

373
00:20:47,480 --> 00:20:50,131
A mother can never run out of milk!

374
00:20:54,880 --> 00:20:56,041
- Come on.
- You know what?

375
00:20:56,160 --> 00:20:58,686
This is bullshit, I'm done here.
Let's get the cheque.

376
00:20:58,800 --> 00:21:01,167
- No, Melanie, come on.
No, no, no, don't go.

377
00:21:01,320 --> 00:21:04,563
I love that you're a traffic-safety person.
- Thank you.

378
00:21:04,680 --> 00:21:07,331
- Come on,
you don't wanna miss the tartufo.

379
00:21:07,440 --> 00:21:12,162
- You're right. I'm not leaving.
I want my tartufo. And I want a scotch.

380
00:21:12,280 --> 00:21:15,966
Because then you got your something sweet
and you got something to cut the sweet.

381
00:21:16,080 --> 00:21:18,082
She should leave.

382
00:21:18,200 --> 00:21:20,009
- Oh, with pleasure.

383
00:21:20,120 --> 00:21:21,690
- Oh, uh...

384
00:21:21,840 --> 00:21:24,161
she drove.
- No.

385
00:21:24,920 --> 00:21:26,331
- Mel, this is not good. Come on,

386
00:21:26,440 --> 00:21:28,488
we all have to see one another
at school tomorrow

387
00:21:28,640 --> 00:21:31,041
and for the whole rest of the year.
Don't do this.

388
00:21:31,160 --> 00:21:36,041
- Fine, but I cannot believe
I'm missing Forensic Files for this shit.

389
00:21:36,160 --> 00:21:38,322
You know, order me a scotch.

390
00:21:38,480 --> 00:21:39,970
Three fingers, one cube.

391
00:21:47,200 --> 00:21:51,410
- Don't... even think about trying
to convince me to come back in.

392
00:21:51,520 --> 00:21:53,443
- Don't worry.

393
00:21:53,560 --> 00:21:57,645
I'm just gonna wait here a minute
and then tell them I couldn't find you.

394
00:22:00,440 --> 00:22:02,124
What the hell is that?

395
00:22:02,240 --> 00:22:05,210
- Something you could desperately use.

396
00:22:07,560 --> 00:22:09,369
Here, peace pipe.

397
00:22:14,800 --> 00:22:18,805
- So basically you just need
to choose the picture you want...

398
00:22:18,920 --> 00:22:21,890
- Oh, my God. Jamie,
you matched with someone!

399
00:22:22,000 --> 00:22:23,650
- I did?
- That's so exciting.

400
00:22:23,760 --> 00:22:26,684
- Yikes. I don't know
if I'm ready for this.

401
00:22:26,800 --> 00:22:28,689
Ah, dating at my age?

402
00:22:28,800 --> 00:22:31,770
Why do all the men
look like weary grandpas?

403
00:22:31,880 --> 00:22:35,282
- No, no, no, no, come on.
It's fun to look.

404
00:22:35,400 --> 00:22:37,482
Let's start with looking.

405
00:22:37,600 --> 00:22:39,523
He's cute.

406
00:22:41,040 --> 00:22:44,010
- I used to smoke the doobage
from time to time.

407
00:22:44,840 --> 00:22:47,241
Yeah, all right, I'll toke up.

408
00:22:48,400 --> 00:22:51,563
But you're still a massive cunt.
You know that, right?

409
00:22:54,640 --> 00:22:57,073
I'm guessing you haven't
done this in a while.

410
00:22:57,098 --> 00:22:58,908
Yeah, it's been like 15 years.

411
00:22:59,000 --> 00:23:01,924
- Here's how it works in the 21st century.
See this?

412
00:23:02,040 --> 00:23:04,281
- Yeah.
- You push it down.

413
00:23:04,440 --> 00:23:06,920
- Okay. Okay.

414
00:23:12,640 --> 00:23:14,927
Okay, now we're cooking with gas.

415
00:23:17,280 --> 00:23:19,521
That's a friend I remember.

416
00:23:21,440 --> 00:23:26,526
Wow. Maybe there's more to you
than being just a big asshole.

417
00:23:26,640 --> 00:23:30,008
- Wait, I'm confused.
Am I an asshole or a cunt?

418
00:23:30,120 --> 00:23:33,124
Because there is a big difference
between the two.

419
00:23:33,240 --> 00:23:34,526
- True.

420
00:23:34,680 --> 00:23:37,729
Although sometimes in the dark
my husband can't tell.

421
00:23:41,440 --> 00:23:44,887
- Have you heard anything about a...
fight club on the Helping Hand yard?

422
00:23:45,000 --> 00:23:48,004
- Huh? No. I never heard about that.
- You know, never mind.

423
00:23:48,120 --> 00:23:49,645
- Hi.
- Hey.

424
00:23:49,760 --> 00:23:52,127
- What'd we miss?
- Good evening.

425
00:23:52,280 --> 00:23:54,203
- Good evening.

426
00:23:54,320 --> 00:23:55,970
- Oh, we're gonna need a bigger boat.

427
00:23:56,120 --> 00:23:59,886
- Yeah, I think we need one more of, uh...

428
00:24:00,040 --> 00:24:01,565
everything.
- Everyone.

429
00:24:01,680 --> 00:24:05,002
- Everything.
- Thank you. This one's mine.

430
00:24:05,120 --> 00:24:06,531
- I'm so glad we're doing this.

431
00:24:06,640 --> 00:24:10,326
Emily acted like it was gonna be so hard
to bring the kids over here.

432
00:24:10,440 --> 00:24:13,125
- Yeah, man, totally.
Kate gets like that too sometimes,

433
00:24:13,240 --> 00:24:16,289
like super wound up about stuff.
Just pay no mind.

434
00:24:16,400 --> 00:24:18,767
- Yeah.

435
00:24:18,880 --> 00:24:21,281
Oh, what's going on, buddy?

436
00:24:23,280 --> 00:24:24,850
Oh, okay.

437
00:24:26,600 --> 00:24:29,126
All right.
- He wants his blankie.

438
00:24:29,240 --> 00:24:31,402
- Blankie?

439
00:24:31,520 --> 00:24:33,807
His blankie?

440
00:24:33,920 --> 00:24:35,968
His blankie.

441
00:24:36,080 --> 00:24:38,128
Oh, fuck.

442
00:24:40,400 --> 00:24:43,165
- Marijuana makes me really paranoid,
but I'll take a little puff.

443
00:24:43,280 --> 00:24:46,523
Yeah, Jamie.

444
00:24:46,640 --> 00:24:50,804
- Pass that. There's something so classic
about a perfectly rolled joint.

445
00:24:50,920 --> 00:24:53,082
- Mm, yeah.
- I like to go old school sometimes,

446
00:24:53,200 --> 00:24:55,771
with a classic Brazilian bikini wax.

447
00:24:55,880 --> 00:25:00,090
- Brazilian's retro now?
- Oh, not even. They're like totally out.

448
00:25:00,200 --> 00:25:01,770
- What?
- You think that's crazy?

449
00:25:01,880 --> 00:25:04,486
Check out this. Look at this.
- I'm hungry.

450
00:25:04,600 --> 00:25:06,250
- This is crazy. Vajazzling.

451
00:25:06,360 --> 00:25:08,169
- Oh, my God!
- Whoa.

452
00:25:08,280 --> 00:25:11,648
- Very popular now.
- Wait. She shaves off all the hair

453
00:25:11,760 --> 00:25:15,765
on her vagina God's given her
and takes a handful of crystals

454
00:25:15,880 --> 00:25:19,327
and some Elmer's Glue
and sprinkles up a little design?

455
00:25:19,440 --> 00:25:20,930
Is that what she does?

456
00:25:21,080 --> 00:25:23,321
What kind of woman wants sand
on her vagina...

457
00:25:23,440 --> 00:25:25,488
What are you doing in there?

458
00:25:25,600 --> 00:25:28,604
I see a lot of feet.
- I got it.

459
00:25:30,920 --> 00:25:33,207
Hi. How are you?

460
00:25:33,320 --> 00:25:35,209
What a cute little outfit.

461
00:25:35,320 --> 00:25:36,890
Is it your birthday?

462
00:25:37,000 --> 00:25:39,571
- Are you smoking in here?
- Of course we're not smoking.

463
00:25:39,720 --> 00:25:42,769
- You know what? I think the manager
would like to know what's going on.

464
00:25:42,880 --> 00:25:44,325
- Hey, wait a minute.

465
00:25:44,440 --> 00:25:46,841
I have an idea.

466
00:25:46,960 --> 00:25:50,362
How about we send an ice-cream sundae
over to your table?

467
00:25:50,480 --> 00:25:53,484
You know, like a little surprise
for keeping a secret?

468
00:25:56,120 --> 00:25:58,327
- I want a steak.
- Damn.

469
00:25:58,440 --> 00:26:00,807
- New York Strip, medium rare.

470
00:26:00,920 --> 00:26:02,445
And a coke.

471
00:26:02,560 --> 00:26:04,164
- Fine.
- Fine.

472
00:26:06,640 --> 00:26:09,007
Great talking to you.

473
00:26:10,360 --> 00:26:14,285
- That little girl is fucking intense!

474
00:26:14,400 --> 00:26:17,961
If that's what I'm missing out on,
then, no, thank you.

475
00:26:18,080 --> 00:26:21,050
Oh, no. Did we do that?

476
00:26:21,160 --> 00:26:23,083
- Oh, shoot!
- Oh, my God!

477
00:26:26,400 --> 00:26:28,084
- Okay! Oh, my God!

478
00:26:29,960 --> 00:26:32,645
- Let's go through the back.
We don't wanna get caught in here!

479
00:26:37,960 --> 00:26:39,883
- Oh, my God!

480
00:26:40,000 --> 00:26:43,766
- Do you hear that? Are those sirens?

481
00:26:43,880 --> 00:26:47,123
- Ladies, I believe
this is a dine-and-dash situation.

482
00:26:47,240 --> 00:26:48,571
Let's move out!

483
00:26:48,680 --> 00:26:51,490
If we're staying out later,
I gotta text my hubby.

484
00:26:51,600 --> 00:26:55,047
- Oh, good idea. And I'll text Andrew
and he can tell Tom.

485
00:26:59,800 --> 00:27:02,041
- Okay-

486
00:27:10,840 --> 00:27:13,446
<i>♪ Better stop dreaming of the quiet life ♪</i>

487
00:27:13,560 --> 00:27:16,211
<i>♪ 'Cause it's the one we'll never know ♪</i>

488
00:27:16,360 --> 00:27:20,126
<i>♪ And quit running for that runaway bus
'Cause those rosy days are few ♪</i>

489
00:27:20,280 --> 00:27:22,089
<i>♪ And stop apologizing... ♪</i>

490
00:27:22,240 --> 00:27:25,528
Oh, wait! Ladies, ladies, hold up, hold up.

491
00:27:25,640 --> 00:27:27,847
Come here. Ladies, quick question.

492
00:27:27,960 --> 00:27:31,851
Do you mind if we make a quick pit stop?
I love me some Walgreens.

493
00:27:32,000 --> 00:27:34,145
You're gonna love it,
too, because guess what.

494
00:27:34,170 --> 00:27:35,995
Boom, I got a
motherfucking gift card!

495
00:27:36,080 --> 00:27:39,243
- Hey, bud, see?
This is the same colour as your blankie.

496
00:27:39,360 --> 00:27:41,761
Maybe that works. What do you think?

497
00:27:41,880 --> 00:27:45,123
Nope. Okay. I think we have to go, man.

498
00:27:45,240 --> 00:27:47,846
- Daddy, you promised I could watch it.

499
00:27:47,960 --> 00:27:49,530
Please, please, please!

500
00:27:49,640 --> 00:27:52,689
- I know, honey. I'm sorry.
- You know what, man? I got an idea.

501
00:27:52,800 --> 00:27:55,041
Hey, come with me.

502
00:27:57,640 --> 00:27:59,449
This way, please.

503
00:27:59,560 --> 00:28:03,565
- Where are we going?
- Step right up", to the magic swing set.

504
00:28:03,680 --> 00:28:05,569
Right in here, my man.

505
00:28:05,680 --> 00:28:09,241
- It's all right, buddy.
- Bring him on in. May I?

506
00:28:09,360 --> 00:28:11,408
- Sure. What are you doing?

507
00:28:11,520 --> 00:28:14,000
- Don't question me. I got four of these.

508
00:28:14,120 --> 00:28:16,361
That's what I thought.
- I have two.

509
00:28:16,480 --> 00:28:19,165
- I got myself involved in the swing set.

510
00:28:19,280 --> 00:28:22,250
Can I have that, please? Thank you.

511
00:28:22,360 --> 00:28:25,330
I know.
Can I just give you one tip?

512
00:28:25,440 --> 00:28:28,842
You might wanna get yourself
like a soft, fuzzy blanket,

513
00:28:28,960 --> 00:28:30,689
instead of this piece-of-shit towel.

514
00:28:30,800 --> 00:28:33,883
- Yeah, I forgot the blanket.
And that's your towel, by the way.

515
00:28:34,000 --> 00:28:38,050
- Oh. Well, then we have disgusting towels.

516
00:28:38,160 --> 00:28:41,528
All right, watch and learn.

517
00:28:41,640 --> 00:28:43,483
Watch.

518
00:28:45,400 --> 00:28:47,164
- What?

519
00:28:53,880 --> 00:28:56,690
Whoa. Whoa.

520
00:29:00,320 --> 00:29:02,607
That is fucking incredible.

521
00:29:23,760 --> 00:29:25,603
<i>♪ She's driving away♪</i>

522
00:29:27,200 --> 00:29:28,884
<i>♪ With the dim lights on ♪</i>

523
00:29:29,000 --> 00:29:32,641
- Oh, hey, here's our car. I sprang for an
SUV, 'cause I'm a bad-ass bitch like that.

524
00:29:32,760 --> 00:29:35,240
- Yeah!
- You got us a car? Why?

525
00:29:35,360 --> 00:29:37,647
- Uh, to get around?
- No, no, it's good, all right?

526
00:29:37,760 --> 00:29:39,765
We're gonna leave the
crime scene to cool out.

527
00:29:39,790 --> 00:29:41,709
We're gonna leave the
cars there to deflect.

528
00:29:41,840 --> 00:29:45,162
And that's our little Katie right there,
'cause, whoo, yeah, you got our six!

529
00:29:45,280 --> 00:29:47,896
- I don't even know what you're
talking about! What the fuck's a six?

530
00:29:47,920 --> 00:29:50,400
- Oh, come on, that's military jargon, right?
- Okay.

531
00:29:50,520 --> 00:29:53,763
- Yeah, six is back.
Katie, you got our six, girl.

532
00:29:53,880 --> 00:29:56,531
- Roger that, you crazy cunt.
- Yeah, I'm a crazy cunt.

533
00:29:56,640 --> 00:29:58,051
Wow.

534
00:29:58,160 --> 00:30:01,482
- Guys, I got a bad feeling
about getting in these things.

535
00:30:01,600 --> 00:30:04,604
You hear about these guys,
they ride around all day,

536
00:30:04,720 --> 00:30:08,486
and they pick up the last ride
and just snap like crazy.

537
00:30:08,600 --> 00:30:10,682
- They do not.
- It happens all the time.

538
00:30:10,800 --> 00:30:12,325
- Stop-

539
00:30:12,440 --> 00:30:16,286
- Man, Jamie, you weren't messing around
when you said you get paranoid.

540
00:30:16,400 --> 00:30:21,531
- I know. And the problem is,
I always had Theo with me when I got high.

541
00:30:21,640 --> 00:30:25,486
He took care of me when I started
to get like this. He was like my person.

542
00:30:25,600 --> 00:30:27,409
- I'm gonna be your person.

543
00:30:28,600 --> 00:30:31,080
You don't have to worry.
I got you, girl.

544
00:30:31,200 --> 00:30:33,089
- Thank you.
- It's okay.

545
00:30:33,200 --> 00:30:35,362
- That was a fun night, you guys.

546
00:30:35,520 --> 00:30:38,330
- Em, there's no fucking way
I'm doing bedtime tonight.

547
00:30:38,480 --> 00:30:42,644
- I mean, if I am staying out with you
gals, I need to get more supplies.

548
00:30:42,760 --> 00:30:45,650
- Ooh, I better stay out here.
I'm done with that stuff.

549
00:30:45,760 --> 00:30:47,683
- No, we're sticking together.
Like sister-wives.

550
00:30:47,800 --> 00:30:49,689
Come on, don't worry about it.

551
00:30:49,800 --> 00:30:53,247
It's like Crabtree & Evelyn, but with weed.

552
00:30:54,440 --> 00:30:55,771
- All right.

553
00:30:57,680 --> 00:30:59,409
- For fucksake, Wayne,
you know who I am.

554
00:30:59,520 --> 00:31:02,000
Now please, just play nice.
I have brought friends with me.

555
00:31:02,120 --> 00:31:05,488
- Oh, very nice.
Ladies, my name is Wayne.

556
00:31:05,600 --> 00:31:09,047
I am your marijuana sommelier
for the evening.

557
00:31:09,160 --> 00:31:11,606
Oh, and here's Brady.
- My ears are burning.

558
00:31:11,760 --> 00:31:13,603
- He's my partner.
- Hey, Kate!

559
00:31:13,720 --> 00:31:16,166
- Brady! How are you?
- Thanks for coming in.

560
00:31:16,280 --> 00:31:17,725
Hi, guys-
- Hey.

561
00:31:17,840 --> 00:31:21,287
- Hey, look, anything you want, we've got
it. If we don't have it, we'll grow it.

562
00:31:21,440 --> 00:31:25,445
If we can't grow it, we're gonna get it
from some factory in some Godforsaken land.

563
00:31:25,560 --> 00:31:27,085
- You know what, you know what?

564
00:31:27,200 --> 00:31:32,206
I think we should set them up with our
selection of stuff that's for mothers,

565
00:31:32,320 --> 00:31:33,924
'cause, you know, we love the mothers.

566
00:31:34,040 --> 00:31:35,530
- We love our mothers.
- Pfft.

567
00:31:35,640 --> 00:31:37,130
- Sounds good.

568
00:31:39,520 --> 00:31:41,522
- Let's begin with this one.

569
00:31:41,640 --> 00:31:44,246
I think you might enjoy.
It's Ruth Bader Ganja.

570
00:31:44,360 --> 00:31:46,966
- You guys fans of Supreme Court justices?
- Oh, yeah.

571
00:31:47,080 --> 00:31:49,526
- Well, you might've heard
of Ruth Bader Ginsburg.

572
00:31:49,640 --> 00:31:52,211
It's now Ruth Bader Ganja.
- Ruth Bader Ganja.

573
00:31:52,320 --> 00:31:54,400
We were playing around
with John Stevens for a while,

574
00:31:54,440 --> 00:31:56,400
but we couldn't really think
of anything for that.

575
00:31:56,440 --> 00:31:58,647
- But for you I think it's very good,

576
00:31:58,760 --> 00:32:02,082
because it will get you...
supremely high.

577
00:32:02,200 --> 00:32:05,249
- But at the same time, you'll still
be able to mediate family disputes,

578
00:32:05,400 --> 00:32:08,131
or decide on what you
might be cooking or...

579
00:32:08,240 --> 00:32:11,449
- It's also a really fun weed
when you need to concentrate.

580
00:32:11,560 --> 00:32:13,847
You can build a castle out of Legos.

581
00:32:13,960 --> 00:32:16,281
You can play
with Calico Critters all night.

582
00:32:16,400 --> 00:32:18,323
- Shopkins, and you have
total concentration.

583
00:32:18,440 --> 00:32:20,437
- We put just a pinch
of Adderall in there,

584
00:32:20,462 --> 00:32:22,594
which gives you just that
extra dash of focus.

585
00:32:22,680 --> 00:32:25,490
- What?
- Yeah. It'd be cool if you didn't say anything,

586
00:32:25,600 --> 00:32:27,887
just because it's, you
know, it's very illegal.

587
00:32:28,000 --> 00:32:30,367
- But maybe can we talk about edibles?
- Oh.

588
00:32:30,480 --> 00:32:33,882
- Oh, absolutely. Which, by the way,
reminds me, do any of you have glaucoma?

589
00:32:34,000 --> 00:32:36,446
If so, we are giving away
some free gummy worms.

590
00:32:36,560 --> 00:32:38,130
- I have glaucoma.
- Oh, excellent!

591
00:32:38,240 --> 00:32:40,891
- You have glaucoma?
- Oh, you're gonna love these...

592
00:32:41,000 --> 00:32:44,083
- You do not have glaucoma!
- Oh, wait, you're kidding.

593
00:32:44,200 --> 00:32:47,010
You don't have glaucoma.
No, I get it.

594
00:32:47,120 --> 00:32:48,645
You guys are so our speed.
- Yeah.

595
00:32:48,760 --> 00:32:51,127
- 'Cause you play around,
you can joke, you have a good...

596
00:32:51,280 --> 00:32:54,090
- We do the same thing.
We joke around each other even at home.

597
00:32:54,240 --> 00:32:56,368
- It's so crazy.
People don't even get our humour.

598
00:32:56,480 --> 00:32:58,136
- And the wives are,
like: "What the fuck...

599
00:32:58,160 --> 00:32:59,776
- you guys talking about?"
- That's why we...

600
00:32:59,800 --> 00:33:02,120
- Don't hang out with them much,
but these are really good.

601
00:33:02,160 --> 00:33:06,051
These are called Good Night Moons. You
know the children's book, Good Night Moon?

602
00:33:06,160 --> 00:33:08,640
- Of course.
- Obviously. And then what mother doesn't?

603
00:33:08,760 --> 00:33:10,683
- And we went ahead and added the S.

604
00:33:10,840 --> 00:33:12,330
You know, Good Night Moons.
- Moons.

605
00:33:12,440 --> 00:33:14,602
- This is delicious.
- Wayne.

606
00:33:14,760 --> 00:33:16,888
Somebody's discovered our balls.

607
00:33:17,000 --> 00:33:19,651
We make those here.
- Oh, I like it.

608
00:33:19,760 --> 00:33:21,888
- It will fuck you up. It's really intense.

609
00:33:22,000 --> 00:33:23,656
- You know how you have
that concentrated detergent.

610
00:33:23,680 --> 00:33:26,570
"This one little thimbleful
for the whole washer?"

611
00:33:26,680 --> 00:33:28,682
But, yeah,
because it's that concentrated.

612
00:33:28,800 --> 00:33:32,327
- How much of your own products
do you get your little paws into?

613
00:33:32,440 --> 00:33:34,568
- Oh, we don't smoke.
- I don't do it.

614
00:33:34,680 --> 00:33:36,091
- Are you kidding me?
- No.

615
00:33:36,240 --> 00:33:39,050
- My only addiction is Mad Men.
Oh, forget it.

616
00:33:39,200 --> 00:33:41,441
- He loves it.
- Every week. Forget it.

617
00:33:43,560 --> 00:33:46,370
- Tom. Tom, you got to see this.

618
00:33:46,480 --> 00:33:49,006
Kate's partying with the school moms.

619
00:33:50,000 --> 00:33:52,685
It's on the bubble-bath chick's Instagram.

620
00:33:52,840 --> 00:33:55,491
- You know, it really is embarrassing
that you follow her.

621
00:33:55,600 --> 00:33:58,968
- Yeah. I know. And it's embarrassing
that she doesn't follow me back.

622
00:33:59,080 --> 00:34:00,902
Okay, I gave Amelia a
five-minute warning.

623
00:34:00,927 --> 00:34:02,790
Oh, oh, grab that
door, grab that door!

624
00:34:02,880 --> 00:34:04,928
- What?
- Ah!

625
00:34:07,280 --> 00:34:10,523
Uh... it locks when it's not supposed to.

626
00:34:10,640 --> 00:34:13,484
That's my fault. I should've told you.

627
00:34:13,600 --> 00:34:15,728
We are momentarily locked out.

628
00:34:15,840 --> 00:34:18,002
- What do you mean,
momentarily locked out?

629
00:34:18,120 --> 00:34:20,964
- Momentarily.
- We keep a spare down here

630
00:34:21,120 --> 00:34:23,441
in one of those fake-dog-poop things.

631
00:34:23,560 --> 00:34:25,324
Why don't we just do this?

632
00:34:25,440 --> 00:34:28,046
Why don't we just let them
finish their movie in there,

633
00:34:28,160 --> 00:34:30,288
and me and you
will chill out here with Wyatt?

634
00:34:30,400 --> 00:34:33,847
- Oh, yeah, well, actually, I was hoping
to get the kids home before Emily got back.

635
00:34:33,960 --> 00:34:36,611
- Oh, well, Kate texted and said
they were gonna stay out later.

636
00:34:36,760 --> 00:34:38,410
- What?
- Oh.

637
00:34:38,520 --> 00:34:40,204
I think I'm supposed to tell you that.

638
00:34:42,040 --> 00:34:44,884
Okay. Yeah, sure.

639
00:34:45,000 --> 00:34:46,331
- Mm...

640
00:34:46,440 --> 00:34:49,046
I haven't licked a ball in a decade.

641
00:34:49,160 --> 00:34:50,474
It got you your divorce.

642
00:34:50,499 --> 00:34:53,234
Do not tell me you still
blow your husbands.

643
00:34:53,360 --> 00:34:56,364
- I never blew Theo. I mean,
maybe for like a minute on his birthday.

644
00:34:56,480 --> 00:34:58,767
- And divorce.
- Sometimes it's just easier, you know,

645
00:34:58,880 --> 00:35:01,770
like a quick one during
a commercial break of Kimmel.

646
00:35:01,880 --> 00:35:05,771
Andrew's psyched and I don't have
to have him lying all over me.

647
00:35:05,880 --> 00:35:07,370
I hear that, sister.

648
00:35:07,480 --> 00:35:09,608
My preference is Antiques Roadshow.

649
00:35:09,720 --> 00:35:12,963
There's no commercials,
but I just pop down there.

650
00:35:13,080 --> 00:35:14,969
Me blowing those nuts.

651
00:35:15,080 --> 00:35:17,651
I'm back in time
for the Ming Dynasty office.

652
00:35:17,800 --> 00:35:20,246
- Oh, Lord, well,
just imagine having to be single again.

653
00:35:20,360 --> 00:35:24,649
It's all back on the table for me now.
What if I have to do anal again?

654
00:35:24,760 --> 00:35:26,125
- Again?
- Look at it this way.

655
00:35:26,240 --> 00:35:30,131
Maybe you'll meet the guy
that makes you wanna do anal... again.

656
00:35:30,240 --> 00:35:33,084
- Thank God I never did.
- Emily's one of those rare angels

657
00:35:33,200 --> 00:35:35,806
who actually married
the first guy she had sex with.

658
00:35:35,920 --> 00:35:38,400
- What?! No fucking way!
- No, I didn't. Come on.

659
00:35:38,520 --> 00:35:40,921
- Don't hit me! It's true!
- No, I was young.

660
00:35:41,040 --> 00:35:43,850
- You guys, I think we're being followed.
We're being followed.

661
00:35:43,960 --> 00:35:45,962
Do you hear the footsteps?
- Yeah, ours.

662
00:35:46,120 --> 00:35:48,487
- I think you've had one too many licks.

663
00:35:48,600 --> 00:35:51,444
How about we get a drink over there,
cool out for a bit?

664
00:35:51,560 --> 00:35:53,562
- Okay, let's do that.
- Oh, we got a runner!

665
00:35:53,680 --> 00:35:55,284
- Shit.

666
00:35:58,680 --> 00:36:00,921
- Excuse me. Excuse me.

667
00:36:01,040 --> 00:36:02,371
Excuse me.

668
00:36:04,440 --> 00:36:06,010
Oh, wow.

669
00:36:06,120 --> 00:36:09,761
You have beautiful,
beautiful bone structure.

670
00:36:12,240 --> 00:36:15,210
- Thank you.
How about a Coke?

671
00:36:15,320 --> 00:36:18,688
- Oh, no. Actually, I was gonna get a
vodka-and-tonic, because it's transparent.

672
00:36:18,800 --> 00:36:23,249
That way if some weirdo tries to slip something
in it, I can see it to protect myself.

673
00:36:23,360 --> 00:36:27,729
- Okay, how about a Sprite?
Also transparent. See? Look at that.

674
00:36:27,840 --> 00:36:30,650
- I'd love a Glenlivit, one cube. Thank you.
- Glenlivit, one cube.

675
00:36:30,760 --> 00:36:32,649
- And can we grab two house whites?

676
00:36:32,760 --> 00:36:35,650
- House whites, all right.
Here you go. All right.

677
00:36:35,760 --> 00:36:37,489
Let me guess...

678
00:36:37,600 --> 00:36:39,443
Mom's night out?

679
00:36:39,560 --> 00:36:41,289
- Again?
- Oh, come on.

680
00:36:41,400 --> 00:36:46,008
- Should we be offended you would
immediately assume that we're all moms?

681
00:36:46,120 --> 00:36:48,168
- No. You should be flattered.

682
00:36:53,040 --> 00:36:55,247
- It says MOMS.

683
00:36:55,360 --> 00:36:57,089
- Yeah, I got two of them.
- Oh.

684
00:36:57,200 --> 00:37:00,204
- Good eye, by the way.
Usually people don't notice that.

685
00:37:00,360 --> 00:37:04,365
- I got a thing for details.
It's like a bad lawyer habit.

686
00:37:04,480 --> 00:37:06,767
I'm Emily.
- Luke.

687
00:37:06,880 --> 00:37:08,644
- Luke as in...

688
00:37:08,760 --> 00:37:10,842
this your place, Luke?

689
00:37:10,960 --> 00:37:12,689
- That's me.
- Cool.

690
00:37:12,800 --> 00:37:14,848
A little help over here?

691
00:37:15,000 --> 00:37:16,445
- Excuse me, ladies.
- Okay.

692
00:37:16,560 --> 00:37:18,927
- What's gotten to you, Em?
- Wine.

693
00:37:19,040 --> 00:37:20,963
- Weed.

694
00:37:21,080 --> 00:37:23,287
I am so sorry
that I tricked you into tonight.

695
00:37:23,400 --> 00:37:26,768
- Ah, you know what? I hate to admit it,
but I'm having a great time.

696
00:37:26,880 --> 00:37:28,405
- It's kind of a perfect night, right?

697
00:37:28,520 --> 00:37:30,522
- You know what would make it
even more perfect,

698
00:37:30,680 --> 00:37:33,126
would be if Jake Ryan
just like wandered in here.

699
00:37:33,240 --> 00:37:35,971
- Oh, God, Jake Ryan.
- Oh!

700
00:37:36,080 --> 00:37:38,082
I love that guy!

701
00:37:38,200 --> 00:37:40,282
Sixteen Candles.

702
00:37:40,440 --> 00:37:42,408
- For me that was all about
Anthony Michael Hall.

703
00:37:42,520 --> 00:37:43,965
- What?
- Farmer Ted. Ugh!

704
00:37:44,080 --> 00:37:46,731
- What?
- Yeah, I love his little fuss.

705
00:37:46,840 --> 00:37:49,047
- You do not!
- I do! I can't help myself.

706
00:37:49,200 --> 00:37:51,965
- Oh, my God!
- Put him right in there, bounce him around.

707
00:37:52,120 --> 00:37:55,806
- No, I have to say, for me,
Jake Ryan, he was my ideal.

708
00:37:55,960 --> 00:37:57,724
He ruined romance for me. Honestly.

709
00:37:57,840 --> 00:38:00,525
- It's true, because no guy
could ever live up to him.

710
00:38:00,640 --> 00:38:02,642
No guy ever will live up to him.

711
00:38:02,800 --> 00:38:04,370
- Well, he's a character in a movie.

712
00:38:04,480 --> 00:38:07,450
- I always liked Some Kind of Wonderful.

713
00:38:07,560 --> 00:38:09,927
- Some Kind of Wonderful. Yes.

714
00:38:10,040 --> 00:38:11,724
Eric Stoltz, Lea Thompson...

715
00:38:11,840 --> 00:38:14,411
- No, Eric Stoltz, Mary Stuart Masterson.

716
00:38:14,560 --> 00:38:17,450
- Yes! God, I can't believe
I forgot that! Yes!

717
00:38:17,560 --> 00:38:20,211
God, Mary Stuart
had that killer little haircut.

718
00:38:20,320 --> 00:38:23,563
- Super cute.
- She was so cool. I just wanted to be her.

719
00:38:25,600 --> 00:38:28,922
Excuse me?
Can I get a drink, please?

720
00:38:29,040 --> 00:38:30,963
- Check you out.
- Don't judge.

721
00:38:31,120 --> 00:38:32,531
- Oh, lam not.

722
00:38:32,640 --> 00:38:36,247
I mean, a little bit of male attention
might be just what you need tonight.

723
00:38:37,360 --> 00:38:41,001
- How do you feel
about two delicious ice-cold beverages?

724
00:38:41,120 --> 00:38:43,487
- Yeah, all right.
- I brewed that myself.

725
00:38:43,600 --> 00:38:45,170
In the shed.

726
00:38:45,280 --> 00:38:49,171
Let me know if you get
just a hint of bacon in there.

727
00:38:49,280 --> 00:38:51,362
- Whoa. That's, uh...
- Right?

728
00:38:51,480 --> 00:38:54,051
- That's a lot of bacon.
- Oh, a lot of bacon.

729
00:38:54,160 --> 00:38:56,162
- This is like a, um...

730
00:38:56,280 --> 00:39:00,444
some sort of like a bacon... juice thing?

731
00:39:01,520 --> 00:39:03,522
- That's beer. What do you mean?
- Beer?

732
00:39:03,640 --> 00:39:06,291
- Yes, you dick. I brewed this beer.
- It's gray.

733
00:39:06,400 --> 00:39:08,801
- Did you really not know
that this was beer?

734
00:39:08,920 --> 00:39:12,003
- Can you carbonate it?
Is that part of a different process?

735
00:39:12,160 --> 00:39:13,525
- This is all great feedback.

736
00:39:13,640 --> 00:39:15,881
- You want me to keep going?
- No, no, no.

737
00:39:16,040 --> 00:39:18,088
I think I got your gist of it.

738
00:39:18,200 --> 00:39:20,806
These girls are having a blast.

739
00:39:20,960 --> 00:39:22,644
- What... what is it?

740
00:39:24,960 --> 00:39:26,610
- They keep posting to Insta.

741
00:39:26,720 --> 00:39:29,883
- Well, Emily's certainly having a blast.
Who's that?

742
00:39:30,000 --> 00:39:32,128
- I think they're just
having some drinks, man.

743
00:39:32,240 --> 00:39:35,050
And if I know Kate,
she's super stoned by now.

744
00:39:35,160 --> 00:39:36,810
That guy looks like a bartender.

745
00:39:36,920 --> 00:39:38,570
They're having fun.

746
00:39:41,960 --> 00:39:45,567
- Fun. She has this whole thing
about fucking fun.

747
00:39:45,680 --> 00:39:49,765
We don't have... fun anymore,
like we never have fun.

748
00:39:51,200 --> 00:39:53,441
- What do you think?
You think you guys are fun?

749
00:39:53,560 --> 00:39:56,962
- Well, I mean, you know,
I'm... pretty stressed out,

750
00:39:57,120 --> 00:39:59,088
you know... generally, I guess.

751
00:39:59,200 --> 00:40:02,249
- What?!
What are you talking about?

752
00:40:02,360 --> 00:40:05,091
Don't say that about yourself.
- All right.

753
00:40:05,200 --> 00:40:09,091
Well, look, I'm running, like,
11 different projects at work,

754
00:40:09,200 --> 00:40:12,727
and on the phone,
dealing with like building codes

755
00:40:12,840 --> 00:40:16,481
and contractors and asshole clients
in like five states.

756
00:40:17,600 --> 00:40:19,443
- That fucking blows.
- Yeah.

757
00:40:19,600 --> 00:40:24,686
So, you know, when I get home,
I... don't wanna deal with anyone.

758
00:40:24,800 --> 00:40:27,883
- Right.
- And honestly, neither does she.

759
00:40:28,000 --> 00:40:30,002
- Fuck.
- Yeah.

760
00:40:31,680 --> 00:40:35,287
It's not the high point of
our relationship. Yeah.

761
00:40:35,400 --> 00:40:39,724
Look, man, I think that you guys
need to cut yourself a break

762
00:40:39,840 --> 00:40:43,970
while you're still in the trenches
and the kids are so young.

763
00:40:44,080 --> 00:40:47,243
You know, try to just laugh
at some of the bullshit

764
00:40:47,360 --> 00:40:50,648
and not be angry at each other,
like, all the time.

765
00:40:50,800 --> 00:40:52,484
- So, like, lower the bar?

766
00:40:52,600 --> 00:40:54,364
- Yeah. Like...

767
00:40:56,040 --> 00:40:58,088
just a bit.

768
00:40:59,040 --> 00:41:02,522
- You're really lowering the bar.
- Just keep it realistic.

769
00:41:02,640 --> 00:41:05,928
- You can dig a hole and put the bar in it.
- Not that... Yeah, not that low.

770
00:41:06,040 --> 00:41:09,487
- I need a lot of room, though,
because I tend to do this a lot.

771
00:41:09,600 --> 00:41:11,170
- That's good.
- I just keep doing it,

772
00:41:11,320 --> 00:41:13,448
and doing it and doing it.
- Just don't... Okay.

773
00:41:16,480 --> 00:41:18,642
- That's a gorgeous beer.

774
00:41:19,760 --> 00:41:23,367
<i>- Oh...
♪ Now the reason we're here ♪</i>

775
00:41:23,480 --> 00:41:26,211
<i>♪ As man and woman ♪</i>

776
00:41:26,320 --> 00:41:28,209
- You are so resourceful.

777
00:41:28,320 --> 00:41:29,651
- Mm...

778
00:41:29,760 --> 00:41:31,649
- I mean, our philosophy is,

779
00:41:31,800 --> 00:41:35,327
if we can stay
pretty much into each other,

780
00:41:35,440 --> 00:41:37,886
three or four months out of the year

781
00:41:38,000 --> 00:41:40,321
while keeping our kids alive,

782
00:41:40,440 --> 00:41:43,250
teaching them
to be semi-decent human beings...

783
00:41:43,360 --> 00:41:45,567
- Right.
- We're golden.

784
00:41:45,680 --> 00:41:47,284
- Huh.

785
00:41:48,680 --> 00:41:51,411
Now, those three or four months,
are they, like,

786
00:41:51,520 --> 00:41:53,966
spread throughout the year,
or are those consecutive?

787
00:41:54,080 --> 00:41:56,048
- Spread throughout the year.
- Okay.

788
00:41:56,200 --> 00:41:58,885
- I'm getting so many likes
from my rose-budding post.

789
00:41:59,000 --> 00:42:01,765
A lot of new friend requests, too,

790
00:42:01,880 --> 00:42:03,928
but weird ones like Hard4Buttz.

791
00:42:04,080 --> 00:42:06,606
ButtKing343,

792
00:42:06,720 --> 00:42:08,449
AssMeAnything.

793
00:42:08,560 --> 00:42:10,881
- Okay, Jamie, let me see this post.

794
00:42:11,000 --> 00:42:14,800
Okay. Do you know what rose-budding is?

795
00:42:14,920 --> 00:42:18,367
- When you throw the roses...
- Not exactly.

796
00:42:18,480 --> 00:42:21,816
I think you should take this post down and
don't accept any of these friend requests,

797
00:42:21,840 --> 00:42:23,376
because these people are not your friends.

798
00:42:23,400 --> 00:42:26,802
- I'm so tired all the time. We both are.

799
00:42:26,920 --> 00:42:29,241
It sounds like a joke, but it's not.

800
00:42:29,400 --> 00:42:32,722
I literally can fall asleep
while I'm pooping on the toilet.

801
00:42:32,840 --> 00:42:34,604
- Okay, well, this isn't a joke.

802
00:42:34,720 --> 00:42:37,041
I would like you to teach me
how to do that.

803
00:42:37,160 --> 00:42:41,245
- Okay. Well, this is gonna sound weird.
I would love to.

804
00:42:41,360 --> 00:42:43,601
Oh, wait, wait.

805
00:42:43,720 --> 00:42:46,007
It's my mother-in-law.

806
00:42:46,120 --> 00:42:47,856
- Please don't answer
and kill this sweet buzz.

807
00:42:47,880 --> 00:42:50,042
- Never.
- This is so fun.

808
00:42:50,160 --> 00:42:51,969
- Oh, fuck, trust me.

809
00:42:52,080 --> 00:42:55,971
- I love Halloween candy.
- Yeah, and you guys stock up early, huh?

810
00:42:57,800 --> 00:42:59,848
- Actually...

811
00:42:59,960 --> 00:43:03,123
these are the kids' from last year.

812
00:43:07,000 --> 00:43:09,960
- One time, Theo, his mom and I
were sitting on the couch watching a movie.

813
00:43:10,040 --> 00:43:12,520
I was massaging Theo's
back and his shoulders,

814
00:43:12,640 --> 00:43:15,564
and all of a sudden I feel something.

815
00:43:15,680 --> 00:43:19,321
It was his mom's hand.
She was rubbing his back, too.

816
00:43:19,440 --> 00:43:22,489
We were both massaging him
at the same time.

817
00:43:22,600 --> 00:43:24,489
- Oh, my God!
- No, no, no, no, no, no.

818
00:43:24,600 --> 00:43:26,329
- So awkward!
- Fucking sick!

819
00:43:26,440 --> 00:43:29,444
What is it with mothers and their sons?!

820
00:43:29,560 --> 00:43:31,244
- Check this out.

821
00:43:31,360 --> 00:43:33,089
You see this?

822
00:43:33,200 --> 00:43:36,283
I got this last Thanksgiving
fighting with my mother-in-law

823
00:43:36,400 --> 00:43:38,687
over who was gonna make
the cranberry sauce.

824
00:43:38,840 --> 00:43:43,084
That woman has got
lifeless eyes, black eyes,

825
00:43:43,200 --> 00:43:46,488
American Girl Doll
Jess McConnell eyes.

826
00:43:46,640 --> 00:43:49,610
- Oh!
- Jersey Shore, 2002.

827
00:43:49,720 --> 00:43:51,688
- Yeah?
- Andrew's mom stepped on me

828
00:43:51,800 --> 00:43:53,723
with her old-lady jelly mules

829
00:43:53,840 --> 00:43:57,162
trying to be the first
to lay out his fucking beach towel.

830
00:43:57,320 --> 00:43:59,896
- Okay, ladies, here's what I figured out.
You're not gonna like this shit.

831
00:43:59,920 --> 00:44:02,491
But we are all gonna end up
just like our mothers-in-laws.

832
00:44:02,600 --> 00:44:04,489
- No fucking way.
- Mm-hmm.

833
00:44:04,600 --> 00:44:08,730
Fucking way, fucking way. I'm telling you,
I'm gonna be all over my William.

834
00:44:08,840 --> 00:44:12,481
I can already tell. I can!
I love that kid so much!

835
00:44:12,600 --> 00:44:15,080
Fuck his wife. I raised him,
I earned that shit.

836
00:44:15,200 --> 00:44:16,964
- Yeah, well, try having four.
- Believe me.

837
00:44:17,080 --> 00:44:20,971
- As far as I'm concerned, they can move in
with their future wives anytime now.

838
00:44:21,080 --> 00:44:25,005
- Oh, you think so? You say that now,
but I'm gonna tell you, mark my words,

839
00:44:25,120 --> 00:44:27,646
we are all gonna be inappropriately
massaging our grown sons.

840
00:44:27,760 --> 00:44:30,570
- Jesus, Mary and Joseph!
- What?

841
00:44:30,680 --> 00:44:32,523
Show me.

842
00:44:32,640 --> 00:44:34,290
- Oh, God!!

843
00:44:34,440 --> 00:44:36,886
- Jamie just looked up rose-budding.
- Delete.

844
00:44:37,000 --> 00:44:39,571
- That is fucking disgusting!
- It's an anus.

845
00:44:39,680 --> 00:44:41,842
- Okay, Tom.

846
00:44:41,960 --> 00:44:44,440
I think I'm ready
to share something with you

847
00:44:44,560 --> 00:44:46,801
that might just help
with that Emily situation.

848
00:44:47,680 --> 00:44:51,162
It's a little trick that I call
"Two Cs a Day."

849
00:44:51,280 --> 00:44:53,362
Have you heard of that?

850
00:44:53,480 --> 00:44:54,970
- No. What?

851
00:44:55,080 --> 00:44:57,560
- Cs like compliments?

852
00:44:57,680 --> 00:45:00,160
- So you give Kate
two compliments every day?

853
00:45:00,280 --> 00:45:01,611
- That's right.

854
00:45:01,760 --> 00:45:06,641
So, for example, I'll do one C
like straight out of the gate.

855
00:45:06,760 --> 00:45:10,242
I'll do a C about usually
her physical appearance, you know.

856
00:45:10,360 --> 00:45:13,967
Like, what she's wearing or how she looks,
something like that.

857
00:45:14,080 --> 00:45:17,084
But you wanna try to use
the words "beautiful,"

858
00:45:17,200 --> 00:45:19,726
or "hot," or "sexy,"
something like that.

859
00:45:19,840 --> 00:45:23,003
Don't ever say "nice" or "pretty."
They don't like that.

860
00:45:23,120 --> 00:45:26,363
Then, later on in the day,
I try to follow up with another C,

861
00:45:26,480 --> 00:45:28,369
but this is more
of an appreciation C,

862
00:45:28,480 --> 00:45:32,929
"How am I so lucky
to be in this with you?"

863
00:45:33,080 --> 00:45:34,844
You know, but super sincere.
The thing is,

864
00:45:35,000 --> 00:45:37,367
I'm starting to feel
a little bit guilty about it,

865
00:45:37,480 --> 00:45:40,404
because I'm now getting
so much out of it.

866
00:45:40,520 --> 00:45:41,885
- Like blowjob?

867
00:45:42,000 --> 00:45:43,923
- Yeah, like blowjobs.
- Really?

868
00:45:44,040 --> 00:45:46,771
- Yeah, while I'm watching Kimmel.
- Whoa.

869
00:45:48,000 --> 00:45:49,684
Where did you get this idea?

870
00:45:49,800 --> 00:45:52,804
- We had a big fight and she was, like:

871
00:45:52,920 --> 00:45:55,685
"I don't feel like
you even appreciate me.

872
00:45:55,800 --> 00:45:59,441
Why don't you say one nice thing
to me every single day?"

873
00:45:59,560 --> 00:46:02,928
- Okay, all right.
So your big, like, genius plan

874
00:46:03,040 --> 00:46:06,522
is something that your wife
told you to do?

875
00:46:06,640 --> 00:46:10,565
- No, she said one a day,
I upped it to two.

876
00:46:12,800 --> 00:46:15,610
- All right. Come clean, newbie.

877
00:46:15,720 --> 00:46:17,802
- Whatever do you mean?

878
00:46:17,960 --> 00:46:21,760
- Wow, clearly you were an extra
on Cocktail, Tom Cruise.

879
00:46:21,920 --> 00:46:24,571
- Close. I tended bar, summer of '99,

880
00:46:24,680 --> 00:46:27,126
the Yacht Club on Lake Michigan.

881
00:46:27,240 --> 00:46:29,481
- Wow.
- Our signature drink:

882
00:46:29,640 --> 00:46:32,041
Summer on the Shore. For you.

883
00:46:36,880 --> 00:46:38,484
- That's a pretty good G&T.

884
00:46:38,600 --> 00:46:41,729
You make this for your husband
when he comes walking through the door?

885
00:46:41,840 --> 00:46:44,605
- Not lately.

886
00:46:44,720 --> 00:46:47,451
- Oh, excuse me.
- What? No, not again.

887
00:46:47,560 --> 00:46:49,562
God, I'm gonna kill them.

888
00:46:49,680 --> 00:46:51,358
- Ladies and gentlemen,
boys and girls,

889
00:46:51,383 --> 00:46:53,311
please direct your
attention to centre stage,

890
00:46:53,400 --> 00:46:56,882
because, yes, it is that
time: Karaoke Hour.

891
00:46:57,040 --> 00:46:59,850
Karaoke Hour!

892
00:47:00,000 --> 00:47:01,650
All right.

893
00:47:02,920 --> 00:47:06,527
- This one is for you... and your friends.

894
00:47:06,640 --> 00:47:08,529
Moms, you're on!

895
00:47:08,640 --> 00:47:10,688
- Oh, shit.

896
00:47:10,800 --> 00:47:12,768
Oh!

897
00:47:12,880 --> 00:47:14,291
- Fuck, yeah.

898
00:47:14,400 --> 00:47:16,004
- Come on, you nailed it.

899
00:47:16,120 --> 00:47:17,849
Let's go.

900
00:47:20,920 --> 00:47:23,241
Whoo!

901
00:47:23,400 --> 00:47:24,925
Remember this?

902
00:47:25,040 --> 00:47:26,724
Very well.

903
00:47:26,840 --> 00:47:28,968
We got this, we got this, we got this.

904
00:47:29,080 --> 00:47:31,003
<i>♪ Von 99 Luftballons ♪</i>

905
00:47:31,120 --> 00:47:34,408
<i>♪ Auf ihrem Weg zum Horizont ♪</i>

906
00:47:34,520 --> 00:47:37,091
<i>♪ Hielt man fur UFOs aus dem all ♪</i>

907
00:47:37,200 --> 00:47:39,407
<i>♪ Darum schickte ein general ♪</i>

908
00:47:39,520 --> 00:47:41,807
<i>♪ Eine fliegerstaffel hinterher ♪</i>

909
00:47:41,960 --> 00:47:44,247
<i>♪ Alarm zu geben wenn es so war ♪</i>

910
00:47:44,360 --> 00:47:46,681
<i>♪ Dabei war da am Horizont ♪</i>

911
00:47:46,840 --> 00:47:49,366
<i>♪ Nur 99 Luftballons ♪</i>

912
00:47:51,080 --> 00:47:52,764
- Jamie, come here!

913
00:47:52,880 --> 00:47:55,281
- Mel, get up here, baby.

914
00:47:56,720 --> 00:47:59,246
- Give me some English
so I can read this shit.

915
00:47:59,360 --> 00:48:01,567
<i>♪ 99 Decision Street ♪</i>

916
00:48:01,680 --> 00:48:03,921
<i>♪ 99 ministers meet ♪</i>

917
00:48:04,040 --> 00:48:05,849
<i>♪ To worry worry super scurry ♪</i>

918
00:48:05,960 --> 00:48:08,531
<i>♪ Call the troops out in a hurry ♪</i>

919
00:48:08,640 --> 00:48:10,961
<i>♪ This is what we've waited for ♪</i>

920
00:48:11,080 --> 00:48:13,765
<i>♪ This is it boys this is war ♪</i>

921
00:48:13,880 --> 00:48:16,042
<i>♪ The president is on the line ♪</i>

922
00:48:16,200 --> 00:48:19,647
<i>♪ As 99 red balloons go by ♪</i>

923
00:48:19,760 --> 00:48:23,128
- But, yeah, if I'm gonna get khakis,
I want them to be, like, a nice tan...

924
00:48:23,240 --> 00:48:26,256
- They have... You can get them anywhere.
- Dad! What are you doing out here?

925
00:48:26,280 --> 00:48:28,320
- Hey, honey...
- Can you guys grab the door closed?

926
00:48:28,360 --> 00:48:30,522
Too late.

927
00:48:31,640 --> 00:48:32,971
- We're hungry.

928
00:48:33,080 --> 00:48:35,536
Hey, let me grab that
spare key real quick.

929
00:48:35,561 --> 00:48:37,792
All right. How was
the movie, guys?

930
00:48:37,880 --> 00:48:39,609
- It was awesome.
- It was okay.

931
00:48:39,720 --> 00:48:41,722
- Nope, this is not it. Dammit.
- What?

932
00:48:41,840 --> 00:48:44,047
- Fuck. That's real poop.
That's not fake.

933
00:48:44,160 --> 00:48:46,811
- So what are you saying,
that we're locked out?

934
00:48:46,920 --> 00:48:48,570
- Yeah, Tom, we're locked out,

935
00:48:48,680 --> 00:48:51,650
but what's more important
is we don't own a dog!

936
00:48:51,760 --> 00:48:53,762
- Okay.
- Sam, did you do this?

937
00:48:53,880 --> 00:48:55,609
Gross.
- Okay.

938
00:48:55,720 --> 00:48:57,165
- Right? Come on!
- Yeah.

939
00:48:57,280 --> 00:49:00,124
- Where's a fake piece of poop
when you need it?

940
00:49:00,240 --> 00:49:01,810
- Dude, this is not good.

941
00:49:01,920 --> 00:49:04,491
So you're saying
that we're actually locked out,

942
00:49:04,600 --> 00:49:06,045
like for sure?

943
00:49:06,160 --> 00:49:08,686
- Tom, calm down.
It's gonna be fine, all right?

944
00:49:08,840 --> 00:49:11,207
I'm pretty good in a crisis.
Watch this.

945
00:49:13,160 --> 00:49:15,367
Guys! Guys!!!

946
00:49:15,480 --> 00:49:18,051
Oh, no!!
Oh, no, we're locked out!!

947
00:49:18,160 --> 00:49:21,130
We're locked out!!
What are we gonna do?!

948
00:49:21,240 --> 00:49:24,050
Well, your dad and I
are gonna protect you, okay?!

949
00:49:24,160 --> 00:49:25,924
So don't worry, don't worry!

950
00:49:26,040 --> 00:49:29,761
The bad news is,
we're locked out until Mom gets home!

951
00:49:29,880 --> 00:49:31,962
Oh! But the good news is...

952
00:49:33,160 --> 00:49:35,049
we got candy.

953
00:49:35,200 --> 00:49:37,328
- Yay!!
- Lots of candy!

954
00:49:40,800 --> 00:49:44,009
- Okay, guys, this is my second move.
It's called the "Oh, no, Romeo."

955
00:49:44,120 --> 00:49:46,691
I'm out on the dance floor.
I'm grinding with my girls.

956
00:49:46,800 --> 00:49:48,484
I'm doing my thing. I look good.

957
00:49:48,600 --> 00:49:51,683
He comes up behind me,
he wraps his arm around me.

958
00:49:51,840 --> 00:49:55,526
I say, "Oh, no, Romeo!
Stop, elbow, go!"

959
00:49:55,640 --> 00:49:57,881
- Oh, no, Romeo!

960
00:49:58,000 --> 00:50:01,209
Pow!

961
00:50:01,320 --> 00:50:04,290
Oh, my God, oh, my God.

962
00:50:04,400 --> 00:50:06,289
- Oh! Hey.

963
00:50:06,440 --> 00:50:07,885
All right.

964
00:50:08,000 --> 00:50:09,525
I'm good.
- Are you okay?

965
00:50:09,640 --> 00:50:11,369
- I'm good. This...
- I'm sorry about that.

966
00:50:11,480 --> 00:50:13,721
- Oh, you don't have nothing
to be sorry about.

967
00:50:13,840 --> 00:50:15,524
That felt good in a way.

968
00:50:15,640 --> 00:50:17,881
- That's the "Oh, no, Romeo." Yeah.

969
00:50:19,000 --> 00:50:21,844
- So where are you taking me?
- Truth?

970
00:50:21,960 --> 00:50:24,406
- Please.
- Good to get outside sometimes.

971
00:50:24,520 --> 00:50:29,128
Get away from the bar,
get some fresh air. You know...

972
00:50:29,240 --> 00:50:31,527
- It's really a nice night.

973
00:50:31,640 --> 00:50:33,722
Good breeze.

974
00:50:33,880 --> 00:50:35,769
You're very cute,

975
00:50:35,880 --> 00:50:38,121
you're very funny,
and you're very smart.

976
00:50:38,240 --> 00:50:41,084
And I'll have you know,
I take my breaks very seriously.

977
00:50:41,200 --> 00:50:44,044
But I had a feeling about you
and I'm just happy

978
00:50:44,160 --> 00:50:46,049
that you came out with me tonight.

979
00:50:47,880 --> 00:50:50,121
And I apologize in advance for this.

980
00:50:50,240 --> 00:50:53,403
This is a disgusting, terrible habit.

981
00:50:53,520 --> 00:50:55,966
Don't judge me.
- Oh, God, are you kidding me?

982
00:50:56,080 --> 00:50:58,321
No. Before kids,

983
00:50:58,440 --> 00:51:01,569
a cigarette and a glass of wine at night
was, like...

984
00:51:01,680 --> 00:51:04,524
- Look, we can relive
your old glory days right now.

985
00:51:04,640 --> 00:51:07,564
Nobody's watching.
We're out here by ourselves. I won't tell.

986
00:51:07,680 --> 00:51:09,569
- Oh, God.

987
00:51:09,680 --> 00:51:11,284
I shouldn't.

988
00:51:11,400 --> 00:51:13,136
It's been years.
- Yeah, you're probably right.

989
00:51:13,160 --> 00:51:17,210
It's not a great look to be smoking a cigarette
and pushing a stroller down the street.

990
00:51:17,320 --> 00:51:20,802
Although it's kind of sexy
in like a fucked-up '70s kind of way.

991
00:51:20,920 --> 00:51:23,161
- You're funny.

992
00:51:23,280 --> 00:51:26,124
- Ooh, you don't have a lighter
by chance, do you?

993
00:51:26,240 --> 00:51:28,811
- Do I have a lighter?
- Oh, you know what?

994
00:51:28,920 --> 00:51:31,161
That's a dumb question.
Of course you don't.

995
00:51:31,280 --> 00:51:34,045
- So... what about you?
You ever have any kids?

996
00:51:34,160 --> 00:51:35,969
Ever been married?

997
00:51:36,080 --> 00:51:37,605
- Nah.

998
00:51:37,720 --> 00:51:40,803
I came close... to both,

999
00:51:40,920 --> 00:51:43,810
but I just think the lifestyle
I was leading in the bar,

1000
00:51:43,920 --> 00:51:45,922
and, you know,
all the things going on,

1001
00:51:46,080 --> 00:51:48,924
it was just never very
conducive to any of that.

1002
00:51:49,080 --> 00:51:51,606
But enough about me.
Let's talk about you.

1003
00:51:51,720 --> 00:51:56,408
Emily, the bartending lawyer,
who's been married for how many years?

1004
00:51:56,520 --> 00:51:58,409
Truth?

1005
00:51:58,520 --> 00:52:00,010
- Truth.

1006
00:52:00,120 --> 00:52:02,771
- I have been with my
husband since college.

1007
00:52:03,760 --> 00:52:06,001
It's boring and predictable, right?

1008
00:52:06,120 --> 00:52:07,849
- Uh, no.

1009
00:52:07,960 --> 00:52:10,008
If boring and predictable is your thing,

1010
00:52:10,120 --> 00:52:12,009
then you're... killing it.

1011
00:52:14,040 --> 00:52:17,089
See, it's not so bad.
You get to spend some quality time

1012
00:52:17,200 --> 00:52:20,010
with a nightlife entrepreneur,
who's actually kind of a great guy.

1013
00:52:20,120 --> 00:52:23,522
- I get it. Your name's on your napkins.
- Ls that a fresh tone?

1014
00:52:23,640 --> 00:52:25,642
This is me. I'm gonna get a lighter.

1015
00:52:25,760 --> 00:52:27,250
- Oh.
- I'll be back.

1016
00:52:32,680 --> 00:52:35,160
- Get out, get out, get out, get out.

1017
00:52:36,160 --> 00:52:37,764
Ooh.

1018
00:52:37,920 --> 00:52:41,845
- This is pretty weird
that we're all laying in the car together.

1019
00:52:41,960 --> 00:52:44,964
- Yeah. But it's kind of fun too, right?

1020
00:52:45,080 --> 00:52:47,447
- It's... unexpected.

1021
00:52:49,600 --> 00:52:52,206
- Where did you learn that word?

1022
00:52:52,320 --> 00:52:57,247
- From Mommy. It's the word of the day.
- Oh, Mommy has a word of the day, huh?

1023
00:52:58,400 --> 00:53:02,166
- Daddy, I'm cold,
and it smells like Wyatt's poop in here.

1024
00:53:02,320 --> 00:53:04,687
Oh, wow.

1025
00:53:04,800 --> 00:53:07,201
Is that what that terrible smell is?

1026
00:53:07,320 --> 00:53:10,290
No, I thought it was Andrew.

1027
00:53:10,400 --> 00:53:12,209
- You're funny.
- Am I?

1028
00:53:16,000 --> 00:53:17,604
Hey, hon.

1029
00:53:19,200 --> 00:53:20,929
I'm sorry.

1030
00:53:21,040 --> 00:53:23,884
You know, it's my fault
that we are stuck out here,

1031
00:53:24,000 --> 00:53:28,210
and I know this is not the kind of thing
that would happen on Mommy's watch.

1032
00:53:29,200 --> 00:53:32,044
She's pretty good at this stuff, huh?

1033
00:53:33,040 --> 00:53:38,524
- I like it when you're the mommy too
sometimes, Daddy.

1034
00:53:45,000 --> 00:53:48,322
<i>♪ You don't know how long I have wanted ♪</i>

1035
00:53:48,440 --> 00:53:51,762
<i>♪ To touch your lips and hold you tight ♪</i>

1036
00:53:51,880 --> 00:53:53,245
- Whoo!!

1037
00:53:53,360 --> 00:53:55,681
- Thank you so much.

1038
00:53:55,800 --> 00:53:58,883
♪ You <i>don't know...</i> ♪
- She's incredible, isn't she?

1039
00:53:59,000 --> 00:54:01,241
- <i>Yes.
♪ And I was going ♪</i>

1040
00:54:01,360 --> 00:54:03,442
<i>♪ To tell you tonight ♪</i>

1041
00:54:06,680 --> 00:54:10,730
<i>♪ But the secret is still my own ♪</i>

1042
00:54:10,840 --> 00:54:13,571
Have you seen Emily?
♪ <i>Oh but I</i> hope ♪

1043
00:54:13,680 --> 00:54:17,127
♪ That <i>it</i> won 't end though ♪
- Bathroom maybe? I'll go check.

1044
00:54:17,240 --> 00:54:18,969
<i>♪ Alone ♪</i>

1045
00:54:20,520 --> 00:54:24,081
You, I like you.
Get on up here, short-stuff!

1046
00:54:24,200 --> 00:54:27,124
Your dreams are about to come true!
- Okay.

1047
00:54:27,280 --> 00:54:28,770
♪ Yeah ♪

1048
00:54:28,880 --> 00:54:31,167
<i>♪ Yeah yeah ♪</i>

1049
00:54:31,280 --> 00:54:33,965
- Luke's gone too.
- What?!

1050
00:54:34,120 --> 00:54:35,804
<i>♪ 'Till now ♪</i>

1051
00:54:35,920 --> 00:54:39,481
<i>♪ I always go by on my own ♪</i>

1052
00:54:39,600 --> 00:54:42,001
Have you seen where Emily went?
- No.

1053
00:54:42,120 --> 00:54:44,566
<i>♪ I never really cared until I met... ♪</i>

1054
00:54:44,680 --> 00:54:48,480
<i>♪ And now it chills me to the bone ♪</i>

1055
00:54:48,600 --> 00:54:51,968
I'm gonna do a quick perimeter check.

1056
00:54:52,080 --> 00:54:55,050
<i>♪ How do I get you alone ♪</i>

1057
00:54:55,160 --> 00:54:57,003
<i>♪ How do I get you... ♪</i>

1058
00:54:57,120 --> 00:54:59,930
- Excuse me, where's Luke?
He was here with my friend all night.

1059
00:55:00,040 --> 00:55:02,122
Where'd they go?
- They left like 20 minutes ago.

1060
00:55:02,240 --> 00:55:06,802
I mean, he said he'd be back, though. But
he did check to make sure I was closing up.

1061
00:55:06,920 --> 00:55:08,445
So they're probably...

1062
00:55:08,560 --> 00:55:11,404
- Oh, my God. Oh, my God.
This does not, not seem like her.

1063
00:55:11,520 --> 00:55:13,966
She would tell me if she was leaving.
Where'd they go?

1064
00:55:14,120 --> 00:55:16,282
- He didn't say.
- I'm gonna... I'm gonna text her.

1065
00:55:16,400 --> 00:55:18,050
- I feel like something's wrong.

1066
00:55:18,160 --> 00:55:20,456
- You felt like something's wrong
all night. It's gonna be okay.

1067
00:55:20,480 --> 00:55:23,051
- She's not responding.
I feel like something's wrong too now.

1068
00:55:23,160 --> 00:55:24,650
- What's your name?
- Alfred.

1069
00:55:24,760 --> 00:55:27,240
- I'm Melanie. I'd like you to tell me
about your friend, Luke.

1070
00:55:27,320 --> 00:55:30,085
Is this a regular thing he does,
leaving the bar with a lady friend?

1071
00:55:30,200 --> 00:55:33,010
- He's done it a few times before.
- Great. You're doing a great job.

1072
00:55:33,120 --> 00:55:34,576
Cooperation's really key here.
- Thank you.

1073
00:55:34,600 --> 00:55:37,206
- I'd like you to go in your purse,
grab your phone, call Luke,

1074
00:55:37,320 --> 00:55:39,687
have him bring Emily back right now.
Can you do that?

1075
00:55:39,800 --> 00:55:40,800
- I can't.

1076
00:55:40,880 --> 00:55:42,609
- You can't?
- He's scary. I can't.

1077
00:55:42,720 --> 00:55:44,165
- You don't know me, do you?
- No.

1078
00:55:44,280 --> 00:55:45,640
- Jamie here knows me.
- Hi, Jamie.

1079
00:55:45,720 --> 00:55:48,166
- Jamie, tell Al what I'm like when I'm mad.
- Call your boss.

1080
00:55:48,320 --> 00:55:51,160
- I think you'd like to call your boss,
okay? Because you can cooperate,

1081
00:55:51,200 --> 00:55:55,444
or I can have the ATF here in the morning
investigating you serving all these minors.

1082
00:55:55,560 --> 00:55:57,496
- We don't serve minors here.
- Oh, is that right?

1083
00:55:57,520 --> 00:55:59,807
- No.
- Looks like a Katy Perry meet-and-greet to me.

1084
00:55:59,920 --> 00:56:03,208
They will shut this fucking place down
while they investigate the charge.

1085
00:56:03,320 --> 00:56:05,288
You think Luke is gonna like that?

1086
00:56:05,400 --> 00:56:07,576
- What are you, a cop?
- You wanna fucking find out, motherfucker?

1087
00:56:07,600 --> 00:56:09,170
- No.
- I didn't think so.

1088
00:56:09,280 --> 00:56:11,487
Okay, get on that fucking phone.
- Fuck you.

1089
00:56:14,360 --> 00:56:17,045
- Okay, I'll be back.
Are we 100% sure this is trouble?

1090
00:56:17,160 --> 00:56:20,642
I mean, they were flirting all night.
- I am telling you, I know Emily.

1091
00:56:20,760 --> 00:56:25,209
- Wait! I think I can track her iPhone!
I was setting Instagram up for her earlier.

1092
00:56:25,360 --> 00:56:26,771
Let me check.
- Oh, my God.

1093
00:56:26,880 --> 00:56:29,281
Are you telling me you can track
somebody else's phone?

1094
00:56:29,400 --> 00:56:32,085
- I can pretty much do anything on one of these.
- Oh, yes!

1095
00:56:32,240 --> 00:56:33,446
- Well?
- Nope, no answer.

1096
00:56:33,560 --> 00:56:35,400
- Well, where does he live?
- I can't tell you.

1097
00:56:35,440 --> 00:56:37,522
- Where the fuck does he live?!
- I can't say!!!

1098
00:56:37,640 --> 00:56:39,674
- Forget it. I have a
read on where they are.

1099
00:56:39,699 --> 00:56:41,555
They're on Flanders
Avenue heading south.

1100
00:56:41,640 --> 00:56:44,176
- Okay, ladies, this is really happening.
We're moving out. Let's go.

1101
00:56:44,200 --> 00:56:47,090
- Let's go, let's go!
- But wait! Our cars are at the restaurant.

1102
00:56:47,200 --> 00:56:50,363
- Um... I can drive you guys.

1103
00:56:50,480 --> 00:56:54,280
I've had nothing
but five coconut waters tonight, so...

1104
00:56:54,400 --> 00:56:56,289
I'm Barry, by the way.
- I'm Jamie.

1105
00:56:56,400 --> 00:57:00,246
- Yeah, I don't think we really got to
introduce ourselves officially, so hello.

1106
00:57:00,360 --> 00:57:02,089
- Let's go! Let's move!

1107
00:57:05,080 --> 00:57:07,811
- Okay, I got a read.
Now she is off of Flanders,

1108
00:57:07,920 --> 00:57:11,003
and she is on to Cabot,
heading west on Cabot.

1109
00:57:11,120 --> 00:57:13,441
- Should we call Tom?
- No, no, do not call Tom.

1110
00:57:13,560 --> 00:57:16,803
We don't know what we're dealing with yet.
- Oh, guys, you don't know her.

1111
00:57:16,920 --> 00:57:19,605
She would not just fucking run off
with some strange guy.

1112
00:57:19,720 --> 00:57:22,405
- Kate, I hate to say it,
but they seemed pretty into each other.

1113
00:57:22,520 --> 00:57:24,284
- I got her. She just went left on Pacific.

1114
00:57:24,400 --> 00:57:26,926
It looks like they're heading
to the Marina District.

1115
00:57:27,040 --> 00:57:29,771
- Okey-dokey.
- Oh, I'm trying her again.

1116
00:57:29,920 --> 00:57:31,285
Come on.

1117
00:57:31,400 --> 00:57:34,722
Pick up, pick up, pick up-

1118
00:57:34,840 --> 00:57:37,241
<i>- Leave me the fuck alone already!</i>

1119
00:57:37,360 --> 00:57:39,442
- What?
- That was not her.

1120
00:57:39,600 --> 00:57:41,887
- Fuck, was that her?
- No, no, no. Try her again.

1121
00:57:42,000 --> 00:57:44,048
- The signal stopped at the Marina.

1122
00:57:45,000 --> 00:57:47,401
- Okay, we're tracking
her, we're closing in,

1123
00:57:47,520 --> 00:57:50,205
and we're gonna get out
of whatever situation she's in.

1124
00:57:50,360 --> 00:57:53,443
Are you cool? Are you cool?
You're cool, right? You're cool?

1125
00:57:53,560 --> 00:57:55,240
Barry, you need to move this motherfucker!

1126
00:57:55,280 --> 00:57:57,521
I've been in golf carts faster than this!
Let's go!

1127
00:57:57,640 --> 00:58:00,689
- I'm sorry, my foot is cramping up!
I haven't had a banana today.

1128
00:58:00,800 --> 00:58:04,566
- A white van. Everybody knows the only people
who drive white vans are serial killers.

1129
00:58:04,680 --> 00:58:07,445
- One second, one second,
just got to adjust here. I'm sorry.

1130
00:58:07,560 --> 00:58:10,325
- Wait, no, this is not the time.
- No, I can just...

1131
00:58:10,440 --> 00:58:13,205
- Oh, Oh, my God!
Barry, just park the fucking car, man!

1132
00:58:13,320 --> 00:58:15,766
- I know, I know.
It's disrespectful to other drivers...

1133
00:58:15,880 --> 00:58:18,087
- Nobody's here!
Emily?!

1134
00:58:18,200 --> 00:58:19,964
Emily?!

1135
00:58:20,080 --> 00:58:21,525
Oh, shit.

1136
00:58:21,680 --> 00:58:23,330
<i>'</i> Emily!

1137
00:58:23,440 --> 00:58:25,329
- Emily?
- Oh, my God.

1138
00:58:25,480 --> 00:58:26,970
" Emily?

1139
00:58:30,080 --> 00:58:31,764
- Jesus H. Christ.

1140
00:58:31,880 --> 00:58:34,850
Is that fucker taking her out in the water?

1141
00:58:34,960 --> 00:58:37,964
No, I really don't like this.
- Oh, no, no.

1142
00:58:38,080 --> 00:58:42,210
- It's zero dark 30.
Zero dark fucking 30.

1143
00:58:42,320 --> 00:58:44,482
Mission is a go.

1144
00:58:56,880 --> 00:59:00,407
<i>♪ Your love is like a tidal wave ♪</i>

1145
00:59:00,520 --> 00:59:03,046
<i>♪ Spinning over my head... ♪</i>

1146
00:59:03,160 --> 00:59:04,810
Holy shit.

1147
00:59:04,920 --> 00:59:09,084
<i>♪ Drownin' me in your promises
better left unsaid ♪</i>

1148
00:59:09,200 --> 00:59:12,727
<i>♪ You're the right kind of dreamer... ♪</i>

1149
00:59:12,840 --> 00:59:14,444
- That woman is certifiable.

1150
00:59:14,560 --> 00:59:17,086
- I got you, motherfucker!

1151
00:59:17,240 --> 00:59:18,810
- No.

1152
00:59:18,920 --> 00:59:21,002
She's incredible.

1153
00:59:21,160 --> 00:59:23,242
She's got our six.

1154
00:59:23,360 --> 00:59:25,522
She's saving my friend.

1155
00:59:28,160 --> 00:59:29,525
Wait.

1156
00:59:31,360 --> 00:59:33,169
My friend.

1157
00:59:39,880 --> 00:59:42,087
♪ You're a heartbreaker
Dream maker ♪

1158
00:59:42,200 --> 00:59:44,089
- Unbelievable! Here!

1159
00:59:44,200 --> 00:59:47,966
- Oh!
- Grab on! You can do it!

1160
00:59:48,080 --> 00:59:49,411
<i>♪ A love taker ♪</i>

1161
00:59:49,560 --> 00:59:51,130
Come on, I got you!

1162
00:59:51,240 --> 00:59:54,369
I got you, come on.
Come on, come on.

1163
00:59:57,560 --> 00:59:59,164
- Holy shit.

1164
00:59:59,320 --> 01:00:01,004
It's fucking freezing.

1165
01:00:01,120 --> 01:00:04,044
- You are one gutsy bitch.
- Oh, no.

1166
01:00:04,200 --> 01:00:06,885
- I wish you'd consider
co-chairing the Spring Auction with me.

1167
01:00:07,040 --> 01:00:09,771
- Can we do this later? We need to find Emily.
- Okay.

1168
01:00:09,880 --> 01:00:12,850
- Oh! Oh, shit! Oh, shit!
- Huh?

1169
01:00:13,600 --> 01:00:16,171
- Looks like I might've targeted
the wrong vessel.

1170
01:00:16,280 --> 01:00:18,044
- You think?

1171
01:00:20,400 --> 01:00:23,404
- Let's get out of here.
- God. Shit.

1172
01:00:34,800 --> 01:00:37,485
- God, it feels so good...

1173
01:00:37,600 --> 01:00:41,286
just to be the old me for a few hours.

1174
01:00:43,000 --> 01:00:44,889
You know, not, like...

1175
01:00:45,000 --> 01:00:47,082
Mommy or...

1176
01:00:47,200 --> 01:00:48,690
anything.

1177
01:00:48,800 --> 01:00:50,848
Just... Emily.

1178
01:00:52,080 --> 01:00:53,684
- Hmm.

1179
01:00:53,800 --> 01:00:56,087
I'm a huge fan...

1180
01:00:56,200 --> 01:00:57,964
of just Emily.

1181
01:00:58,080 --> 01:01:00,048
- Yeah?
- Yeah.

1182
01:01:10,640 --> 01:01:13,246
- Oh, I... I can't. I'm sorry.

1183
01:01:15,640 --> 01:01:17,529
It was so fun at the bar,

1184
01:01:17,640 --> 01:01:21,964
and... and it has been a really long time
since anyone has kissed me like that,

1185
01:01:22,080 --> 01:01:26,529
but my... I mean...
I'm married, I am married,

1186
01:01:26,640 --> 01:01:30,361
I am super married and... ew.

1187
01:01:30,480 --> 01:01:33,131
I'm sorry. Oh, God.

1188
01:01:33,240 --> 01:01:34,730
Where am I?
- Hey. Hey, hey.

1189
01:01:34,840 --> 01:01:37,081
- What?
- You didn't do anything wrong.

1190
01:01:37,200 --> 01:01:39,043
- What? I kissed you.

1191
01:01:39,160 --> 01:01:41,288
- I kissed you.
- I kissed you back!

1192
01:01:42,600 --> 01:01:44,284
I'm so sorry.

1193
01:01:44,400 --> 01:01:47,961
- For what, stopping?
It was going very well.

1194
01:01:48,080 --> 01:01:49,809
- That's funny.
- Look.

1195
01:01:49,920 --> 01:01:53,208
I've been a wake-up call
for a few married women in my life.

1196
01:01:53,320 --> 01:01:55,561
It's not... it's not the end of the world.

1197
01:01:55,680 --> 01:02:00,083
- I got to go, I got to go. My friends
and... I have to wake up in the morning,

1198
01:02:00,200 --> 01:02:02,851
because it's a school
morning, so I got to go. Hey.

1199
01:02:02,960 --> 01:02:04,769
- What?
- Okay.

1200
01:02:04,880 --> 01:02:07,850
But you should kiss your husband like that,
by the way.

1201
01:02:10,600 --> 01:02:13,046
- So you see anything out there?
- Sort of,

1202
01:02:13,160 --> 01:02:16,289
but it's so dark now
that I feel like I've lost sight of them.

1203
01:02:16,400 --> 01:02:17,811
- Yeah.

1204
01:02:20,320 --> 01:02:23,847
I'm not worried. I think you're
friend probably has Luke, like,

1205
01:02:23,960 --> 01:02:26,566
hog-tied and begging for mercy by now.

1206
01:02:26,720 --> 01:02:28,802
- Oh, yeah? Well, let's hope so.

1207
01:02:28,920 --> 01:02:32,402
- I got to say, uh,
you ladies are something else,

1208
01:02:32,560 --> 01:02:34,244
I love it. It's very cool.

1209
01:02:34,360 --> 01:02:35,725
Thanks.

1210
01:02:35,840 --> 01:02:38,320
- So you're all... married, then?

1211
01:02:38,480 --> 01:02:41,370
- Oh, well, they are.
I'm not. I'm divorced.

1212
01:02:41,480 --> 01:02:43,005
- Oh, really?
- Mm-hmm.

1213
01:02:43,120 --> 01:02:45,726
- I mean... I'm sorry.

1214
01:02:45,840 --> 01:02:48,207
That's... that's too bad. Or... is it?

1215
01:02:48,320 --> 01:02:50,368
I mean, is it too bad?

1216
01:02:50,480 --> 01:02:53,484
- No, it's certainly better than being
married to my ex, that's for sure.

1217
01:02:53,600 --> 01:02:55,364
- Right, yeah, good. Well, that's good.

1218
01:02:55,480 --> 01:02:57,608
- Not bad.
- I mean, that you're happier.

1219
01:02:57,720 --> 01:02:59,643
- Right.
- That's good. Yes, yes, yes.

1220
01:02:59,760 --> 01:03:01,808
- I would say I'm definitely happier.

1221
01:03:01,960 --> 01:03:03,689
Yeah.
- Yeah.

1222
01:03:06,680 --> 01:03:09,763
- So what about you?
Are you in a relationship or...?

1223
01:03:09,880 --> 01:03:11,564
- No, not right now.

1224
01:03:11,720 --> 01:03:13,085
- Mm-hmm.
- No.

1225
01:03:13,200 --> 01:03:16,044
- So how did you get stuck
being the designated driver tonight?

1226
01:03:16,160 --> 01:03:18,128
- Oh, I volunteered.
- You did?

1227
01:03:18,240 --> 01:03:21,483
- Yeah, yeah. I don't
like drinking too much.

1228
01:03:21,600 --> 01:03:24,171
It makes me feel all weird
in my head, you know.

1229
01:03:24,320 --> 01:03:25,970
Are you cold?
- Oh.

1230
01:03:26,880 --> 01:03:28,689
- A little chilly there.
- Oh, thank you.

1231
01:03:28,800 --> 01:03:30,450
Here.

1232
01:03:30,560 --> 01:03:32,005
- It's cold. Thank you.

1233
01:03:42,000 --> 01:03:43,889
- Well, Melanie?
- What?

1234
01:03:44,000 --> 01:03:46,651
- I'm waiting.
- Waiting for what?

1235
01:03:46,800 --> 01:03:52,091
- Jaws jokes. On land tonight,
out here, you got nothing.

1236
01:03:52,200 --> 01:03:53,804
- Oh, you're right.

1237
01:03:53,920 --> 01:03:56,287
Shit. Oh, shit.

1238
01:03:56,400 --> 01:03:58,084
Come on. Come on.

1239
01:03:58,200 --> 01:04:00,089
- Oh...

1240
01:04:03,440 --> 01:04:06,523
I have never felt so sober
in my entire life.

1241
01:04:06,640 --> 01:04:10,087
- All right, let's go look and see
if we can find Jamie and Barry,

1242
01:04:10,240 --> 01:04:12,846
and more luck than we did.
Come on.

1243
01:04:12,960 --> 01:04:15,531
Come on. Come on.

1244
01:04:15,640 --> 01:04:17,324
- Whenever.
- Okay.

1245
01:04:17,440 --> 01:04:19,488
Come on, come on.

1246
01:04:19,600 --> 01:04:24,686
- I love peanuts so, like,
a peanut beer, is that a thing?

1247
01:04:24,800 --> 01:04:26,928
- Fuck, yes.
- Yeah? It's a peanut.

1248
01:04:27,040 --> 01:04:29,520
- Great idea.
Take that one step further.

1249
01:04:29,640 --> 01:04:34,123
What if it's like a whole line
of, like, stadium flavours?

1250
01:04:34,240 --> 01:04:36,129
- Right.
Peanuts,

1251
01:04:36,240 --> 01:04:38,561
hotdogs, pretzels.

1252
01:04:38,680 --> 01:04:40,569
- Mustard beer.

1253
01:04:40,680 --> 01:04:44,844
- Why aren't we writing this down?
- I don't know. 'Cause... You know what?

1254
01:04:47,040 --> 01:04:49,042
- All right, someone tooted.

1255
01:04:50,760 --> 01:04:53,331
- Yeah, it was probably all of them.

1256
01:04:53,440 --> 01:04:55,568
- How dare you fart on me?

1257
01:04:55,680 --> 01:04:57,489
- When my kids fart...

1258
01:04:58,520 --> 01:05:02,161
- Don't even finish the sentence.
- Dude, dude, dude, dude...

1259
01:05:02,280 --> 01:05:05,568
- Don't even finish the sentence.
- L... love... it.

1260
01:05:08,200 --> 01:05:10,009
- What do you binge on?
- Oh, I don't know.

1261
01:05:10,120 --> 01:05:12,407
I try to watch what I eat,
watch my weight, so...

1262
01:05:12,520 --> 01:05:15,808
- Oh, no, I mean, like, like, binge watch.

1263
01:05:15,920 --> 01:05:17,763
Like Netflix? Amazon?

1264
01:05:17,880 --> 01:05:19,962
- Oh, yeah. Uh, duh.

1265
01:05:20,080 --> 01:05:24,369
No, I, um, I... don't really do
any of that stuff.

1266
01:05:24,520 --> 01:05:27,729
I'm more of a regular cable-TV guy.

1267
01:05:27,840 --> 01:05:29,888
- Oh, I love regular cable TV.
- Yeah?

1268
01:05:30,000 --> 01:05:32,685
- As a matter of fact,
this is so embarrassing,

1269
01:05:32,800 --> 01:05:34,962
but I actually fall asleep
watching HGTV.

1270
01:05:35,080 --> 01:05:38,641
- Oh, my God, me too.
Almost, like, every night,

1271
01:05:38,760 --> 01:05:41,286
I fall asleep watching Love It or List It.

1272
01:05:41,400 --> 01:05:43,004
- I love that show!
- Yeah?

1273
01:05:43,120 --> 01:05:45,407
- Ever noticed how
they always choose to love it?

1274
01:05:45,520 --> 01:05:46,851
- Yes! Every time!
- Always.

1275
01:05:47,000 --> 01:05:48,604
They always choose to love it.
- I know.

1276
01:05:48,720 --> 01:05:51,007
I think they're gonna list it,
and then they love it,

1277
01:05:51,120 --> 01:05:53,536
then sometimes I'm, like:
"They're making us think they love it,

1278
01:05:53,560 --> 01:05:56,040
so they actually list it,
but then they just love it."

1279
01:05:58,720 --> 01:06:00,848
- I think you're an old soul, Barry.

1280
01:06:00,960 --> 01:06:03,406
- Old soul? Aw.

1281
01:06:03,560 --> 01:06:05,961
I like that. That's nice.

1282
01:06:06,080 --> 01:06:11,610
The last girl I dated told me
I reminded her of a... bashful predator.

1283
01:06:12,480 --> 01:06:15,290
<i>♪ Now the party's over ♪</i>

1284
01:06:15,400 --> 01:06:18,768
<i>♪ I'm so tired... ♪</i>

1285
01:06:18,880 --> 01:06:22,089
- Where are all of my friends?
- They are looking for you.

1286
01:06:22,200 --> 01:06:26,046
They actually went bonkers. Uh, they thought
Luke had abducted you or something.

1287
01:06:26,160 --> 01:06:28,083
- What?
- Yeah.

1288
01:06:28,200 --> 01:06:30,646
- Don't worry about it.

1289
01:06:30,760 --> 01:06:35,004
I'm... Listen, I'm sure they'll be back
soon. Just hang out here for a little bit.

1290
01:06:35,120 --> 01:06:38,681
- No, I got to... I got to call Kate.

1291
01:06:38,800 --> 01:06:40,404
Just... Okay. Except for...

1292
01:06:41,960 --> 01:06:44,725
I don't have my phone. It's gone.

1293
01:06:44,840 --> 01:06:47,207
- Use my phone. Use my phone.

1294
01:06:47,320 --> 01:06:49,448
I don't want any trouble.
Just take the phone.

1295
01:06:49,560 --> 01:06:52,086
- Um... I don't know her phone number.
It's in my phone.

1296
01:06:52,200 --> 01:06:53,725
- You don't know
your friend's number?

1297
01:06:53,840 --> 01:06:56,571
- No, I don't know my friend's number!
It's in my phone!

1298
01:06:56,680 --> 01:06:59,968
- Truly just trying to be helpful.
- Who knows anybody's phone number anymore?

1299
01:07:00,080 --> 01:07:03,243
Fuck technology.
- Oh, my God. Guys, I can just call Barry.

1300
01:07:03,360 --> 01:07:05,601
- Who's Barry?
- Who are you?

1301
01:07:05,720 --> 01:07:09,850
- Barry is my buddy, and he took
all your friends looking for you.

1302
01:07:10,000 --> 01:07:11,122
Looking for me where?

1303
01:07:11,147 --> 01:07:13,870
You know what? They
were tracking your phone.

1304
01:07:15,120 --> 01:07:17,361
- I don't have my phone.

1305
01:07:17,480 --> 01:07:18,891
Fuck.

1306
01:07:22,000 --> 01:07:24,287
- Oh, I'm sorry.
- It's okay.

1307
01:07:24,400 --> 01:07:26,880
Are you kidding me with that phone?

1308
01:07:27,000 --> 01:07:29,446
- What?
Hello, it's Barry.

1309
01:07:30,840 --> 01:07:33,081
Really? Emily's at the bar.
- What?

1310
01:07:33,200 --> 01:07:34,565
- Yeah.
- Can I talk...?

1311
01:07:34,680 --> 01:07:36,045
- Yeah, yeah, yeah.
- Hello?

1312
01:07:37,480 --> 01:07:39,482
Ah!

1313
01:07:41,680 --> 01:07:42,966
- It's go time.

1314
01:07:43,120 --> 01:07:45,009
- I'm right behind you.

1315
01:07:46,080 --> 01:07:48,526
- Nice aft.
- Oh, God.

1316
01:07:48,640 --> 01:07:51,644
If she came here willingly,
I'll fucking kill her.

1317
01:07:57,240 --> 01:07:58,924
- Emily!
- Jamie!

1318
01:07:59,040 --> 01:08:01,168
- Ah... Oh, my God,
we were so worried.

1319
01:08:01,280 --> 01:08:03,408
They still haven't come back.
- What the fuck?

1320
01:08:03,520 --> 01:08:06,330
Oh, you guys, we gotta get help.
This is bad.

1321
01:08:06,440 --> 01:08:09,096
- Well, there's got to be Marina security.
They'll call in whoever to help.

1322
01:08:09,120 --> 01:08:11,361
- That's a good idea. Okay, you go do that.
- All right.

1323
01:08:11,520 --> 01:08:12,965
- Jamie.
- What?

1324
01:08:13,080 --> 01:08:15,924
- Look at me.
Where was the last place that you saw them?

1325
01:08:16,040 --> 01:08:17,326
- Down there.
- Take me.

1326
01:08:17,440 --> 01:08:19,044
- Okay, come on, let's go.

1327
01:08:23,520 --> 01:08:25,488
- Okay, where the fuck is Emily?!

1328
01:08:27,920 --> 01:08:30,446
- Hey, get off my boat.
- Your boat? Excuse me, matey,

1329
01:08:30,560 --> 01:08:33,131
but I'm gonna have to see
your license and registration.

1330
01:08:33,240 --> 01:08:35,720
- Uh, Mel, let's just go.
Emily's not here.

1331
01:08:35,880 --> 01:08:39,362
- It's my dad's boat,
but I'm gonna need you to leave.

1332
01:08:39,480 --> 01:08:41,562
- Bae, be nice.

1333
01:08:41,720 --> 01:08:43,722
They're homeless.

1334
01:08:43,840 --> 01:08:45,569
- We are not homeless.

1335
01:08:45,720 --> 01:08:48,041
- You must be hungry.
- I'm actually pretty hungry.

1336
01:08:48,160 --> 01:08:52,370
- Okay, now's not the time. All right.
Somebody tell me what's going on here.

1337
01:08:52,520 --> 01:08:55,171
- It's Senior Skip tomorrow,
so we're having a party.

1338
01:08:55,280 --> 01:08:57,567
- This is a party?
Don't bullshit me.

1339
01:08:57,680 --> 01:08:59,728
- Oh, my God!
- There you are!

1340
01:08:59,840 --> 01:09:01,171
- Emily!!!

1341
01:09:01,320 --> 01:09:03,704
We saw your unicorn
hanging over the side!

1342
01:09:03,729 --> 01:09:05,668
Where the fuck have you been?!

1343
01:09:05,760 --> 01:09:09,810
- Uh, James, what are all these
old-ass MILFs doing on the boat? Ah!

1344
01:09:11,280 --> 01:09:13,521
What the fuck?

1345
01:09:13,640 --> 01:09:17,122
- Oh! Wait a minute.
It's here. Your phone is here.

1346
01:09:17,240 --> 01:09:19,925
Did you hear that, that ping?
Here, look.

1347
01:09:20,040 --> 01:09:21,804
- Were these kids at Luke's?

1348
01:09:21,920 --> 01:09:23,410
- Give me that bag.

1349
01:09:23,520 --> 01:09:25,240
- That's... a coincidence.
- Gimme that bag.

1350
01:09:25,280 --> 01:09:27,044
- No“
- Gimme that bag.

1351
01:09:27,160 --> 01:09:29,288
Gimme your bag.
Give Melanie your bag!

1352
01:09:29,400 --> 01:09:31,323
- Stop, stop!

1353
01:09:32,560 --> 01:09:34,722
- What is this?

1354
01:09:34,840 --> 01:09:37,320
All right, was is this,
some kind of bling-ring shit?

1355
01:09:37,480 --> 01:09:39,562
It's that what you guys
are doing here, huh?

1356
01:09:39,680 --> 01:09:41,560
Taking phones and sell them
on the black market?

1357
01:09:41,600 --> 01:09:43,090
Is that what you're doing?
- Oh, yeah.

1358
01:09:43,240 --> 01:09:45,322
Yep, I've seen this on Dateline.

1359
01:09:45,440 --> 01:09:49,570
- So what? Zoe lifts shit. That's
her thing. Everybody has a thing.

1360
01:09:49,680 --> 01:09:52,286
- I catfish rich dudes.
- I pull fire alarms.

1361
01:09:52,400 --> 01:09:55,131
- I'm a YouTube unboxer.
- What the fuck is that?

1362
01:09:55,240 --> 01:09:57,288
- Okay, all right, I steal things.

1363
01:09:57,400 --> 01:09:59,209
Sorry, I can't help myself.

1364
01:09:59,320 --> 01:10:01,004
Please don't turn me in.

1365
01:10:02,800 --> 01:10:06,168
- So we're not gonna call the cops,
'cause we're cool as shit,

1366
01:10:06,280 --> 01:10:09,443
but you're all gonna pay the price
for Zoe's shenanigans tonight.

1367
01:10:09,600 --> 01:10:11,489
You'll survive, Jamie.

1368
01:10:11,640 --> 01:10:15,486
Now... you're all gonna be technology-free
for the next hour.

1369
01:10:15,600 --> 01:10:19,650
Let's cut this electronica bullshit
and get some Peabo Bryson up in here.

1370
01:10:23,800 --> 01:10:25,882
- Five minutes.

1371
01:10:26,000 --> 01:10:27,684
Yeah, right.

1372
01:10:30,600 --> 01:10:33,444
- Okay. Now, you're all gonna deal
with the extreme social awkwardness

1373
01:10:33,560 --> 01:10:36,484
that we had to deal at parties
back in the day.

1374
01:10:36,600 --> 01:10:38,921
You ready for that? Here I come.

1375
01:10:39,040 --> 01:10:41,441
All right, you're gonna face each other,

1376
01:10:41,560 --> 01:10:43,688
in the flesh, without a phone,

1377
01:10:43,840 --> 01:10:48,323
to filter out any of those oily
little teenage pores you got.

1378
01:10:48,440 --> 01:10:49,930
- Whoo!

1379
01:10:50,040 --> 01:10:51,929
<i>♪ We had a once in a lifetime ♪</i>

1380
01:10:52,040 --> 01:10:53,565
You're welcome.

1381
01:10:53,680 --> 01:10:56,081
<i>♪ But I just couldn't see ♪</i>

1382
01:10:56,200 --> 01:10:59,283
<i>♪ Until it was gone ♪</i>

1383
01:10:59,440 --> 01:11:03,331
<i>♪ A second once in a lifetime ♪</i>

1384
01:11:03,440 --> 01:11:06,091
<i>♪ May be too much to ask ♪</i>

1385
01:11:06,240 --> 01:11:09,449
<i>♪ But I swear from now on ♪</i>

1386
01:11:11,240 --> 01:11:15,529
<i>♪ If ever you're in my arms again ♪</i>

1387
01:11:15,640 --> 01:11:17,130
♪ <i>This</i> time... ♪

1388
01:11:17,240 --> 01:11:18,730
<i>- I've got one.</i>

1389
01:11:18,840 --> 01:11:22,890
Never have I ever walked in
on my parents doing it.

1390
01:11:23,000 --> 01:11:24,684
- Dude.
- Oh.

1391
01:11:24,840 --> 01:11:26,569
- Nasty.

1392
01:11:26,680 --> 01:11:28,330
Okay, ready?

1393
01:11:28,440 --> 01:11:30,761
Never have I ever... had lice.

1394
01:11:30,880 --> 01:11:32,564
- What?
- Ew.

1395
01:11:32,720 --> 01:11:33,960
- Ew!
- Emily, I promise you,

1396
01:11:34,080 --> 01:11:36,518
just give it a few more
weeks at Happy Days,

1397
01:11:36,543 --> 01:11:38,871
and you will be borrowing
my special comb.

1398
01:11:38,960 --> 01:11:42,203
- No!
- I can't believe you've never had lice.

1399
01:11:42,320 --> 01:11:43,731
- I'm so never having kids.

1400
01:11:43,840 --> 01:11:45,126
Good luck.

1401
01:11:45,240 --> 01:11:47,129
- This is fun.

1402
01:11:47,280 --> 01:11:49,760
- I think we freaked them out.

1403
01:11:49,880 --> 01:11:51,803
- Good. Little fuckers.

1404
01:11:53,680 --> 01:11:57,048
- Never have I ever cheated on my husband

1405
01:11:57,160 --> 01:12:00,164
with an old boyfriend from high school.

1406
01:12:02,240 --> 01:12:06,006
- How did I not know?
I thought it was Theo.

1407
01:12:06,120 --> 01:12:08,805
- Yeah, I know.
That's what everybody thought.

1408
01:12:08,920 --> 01:12:11,764
It's because I only post the pretty stuff.

1409
01:12:12,520 --> 01:12:14,284
- You're the pretty stuff.

1410
01:12:17,720 --> 01:12:21,805
- Never have I ever...
kissed another guy...

1411
01:12:21,920 --> 01:12:24,400
while I was married.

1412
01:12:24,520 --> 01:12:26,090
- Emily.
- Whoa.

1413
01:12:26,200 --> 01:12:27,804
- I stopped it immediately. I did.

1414
01:12:27,920 --> 01:12:30,969
It was a mista...
It was such a mistake.

1415
01:12:31,080 --> 01:12:34,209
I am... I'm telling Tom...
when I get home.

1416
01:12:34,320 --> 01:12:36,004
- Are you sure?

1417
01:12:36,160 --> 01:12:37,571
- I'm terrified,

1418
01:12:37,680 --> 01:12:40,001
but I think...

1419
01:12:40,120 --> 01:12:42,964
I realized tonight
that I want my marriage to work.

1420
01:12:43,080 --> 01:12:45,128
I want it to work with Tom.

1421
01:12:47,280 --> 01:12:50,409
- You just have to fight for it,
sweetie pie. You know?

1422
01:12:52,040 --> 01:12:53,565
- All right.

1423
01:12:53,720 --> 01:12:58,487
Never have I ever dressed up
my husband's dick as Napoleon.

1424
01:12:58,640 --> 01:13:00,847
- Whoa, wait a minute. What?!

1425
01:13:00,960 --> 01:13:04,646
- Okay, you guys, remember, when we
went on that Alaskan cruise last year?

1426
01:13:04,760 --> 01:13:06,171
- Yeah.
- Yeah, we didn't.

1427
01:13:06,280 --> 01:13:08,681
We went to this sex retreat, to reconnect.

1428
01:13:08,800 --> 01:13:10,370
- Really?
- Wow. Did it work?

1429
01:13:10,480 --> 01:13:12,084
- Yes, it worked.

1430
01:13:12,240 --> 01:13:15,642
- Yeah, obviously.
- Yeah. We dressed up his dick as Napoleon,

1431
01:13:15,760 --> 01:13:18,240
and he did a little one-act.

1432
01:13:18,360 --> 01:13:21,443
It was really very good,
critically acclaimed.

1433
01:13:21,560 --> 01:13:23,244
Whoa.

1434
01:13:23,360 --> 01:13:25,124
<i>'</i> Anyway, yeah.

1435
01:13:25,240 --> 01:13:27,288
And we still do it, and I love it.

1436
01:13:27,400 --> 01:13:29,323
- That's a really good one.
- It sure is.

1437
01:13:29,440 --> 01:13:32,011
- All right, never have I ever...

1438
01:13:36,560 --> 01:13:38,847
had real mom friends.

1439
01:13:40,760 --> 01:13:42,888
- Come here, give me a hug.

1440
01:13:43,000 --> 01:13:45,082
Come on, give me a hug. Come here.

1441
01:13:45,200 --> 01:13:47,487
- I want in. Come here.
- Me too!

1442
01:13:52,200 --> 01:13:54,282
You guys are still wet.

1443
01:13:54,400 --> 01:13:56,084
Aren't you freezing?
- Yeah.

1444
01:13:56,240 --> 01:13:57,685
- A little bit.

1445
01:13:57,800 --> 01:14:01,327
- Oh, I'm so glad Emily and I
didn't have to go in the water.

1446
01:14:03,400 --> 01:14:05,402
- Hmm.

1447
01:14:25,840 --> 01:14:28,446
<i>♪ Say I'm crying♪</i>

1448
01:14:29,440 --> 01:14:33,126
<i>♪ I'm looking at what's on TV ♪</i>

1449
01:14:33,280 --> 01:14:36,124
<i>♪ Pain and suffering ♪</i>

1450
01:14:36,280 --> 01:14:40,569
<i>♪ And the struggle to be free ♪</i>

1451
01:14:41,320 --> 01:14:45,405
<i>♪ It can't ever be denied and I ♪</i>

1452
01:14:45,520 --> 01:14:47,648
<i>♪ Never will ignore ♪</i>

1453
01:14:47,760 --> 01:14:50,525
<i>♪ But when I see you coming ♪</i>

1454
01:14:50,640 --> 01:14:52,369
<i>♪ I can take it all ♪</i>

1455
01:14:52,480 --> 01:14:54,528
<i>♪ You're so fine ♪</i>

1456
01:14:54,640 --> 01:14:56,768
<i>♪ Lose my mind ♪</i>

1457
01:14:56,880 --> 01:14:59,167
<i>♪ And the world seems to disappear ♪</i>

1458
01:15:00,800 --> 01:15:02,768
<i>♪ All the problems ♪</i>

1459
01:15:02,880 --> 01:15:04,928
<i>♪ All the fears ♪</i>

1460
01:15:05,040 --> 01:15:08,328
<i>♪ And the world seems to disappear ♪</i>

1461
01:15:08,480 --> 01:15:10,403
<i>♪ You're so fine ♪</i>

1462
01:15:10,520 --> 01:15:12,568
<i>♪ Lose my mind ♪</i>

1463
01:15:12,680 --> 01:15:15,968
<i>♪ And the world seems to disappear ♪</i>

1464
01:15:16,080 --> 01:15:17,923
<i>♪ All the problems ♪</i>

1465
01:15:18,040 --> 01:15:19,963
<i>♪ All the fears ♪</i>

1466
01:15:20,080 --> 01:15:23,766
<i>♪ And the world seems to disappear ♪</i>

1467
01:15:23,880 --> 01:15:25,530
<i>♪ You're so fine ♪</i>

1468
01:15:25,640 --> 01:15:27,369
<i>♪ Lose my mind ♪</i>

1469
01:15:27,480 --> 01:15:31,121
<i>♪ And the world seems to disappear ♪</i>

1470
01:15:32,920 --> 01:15:34,843
- Ow! Ow.

1471
01:15:34,960 --> 01:15:38,362
- God, if I ever do this again,
I'm getting a goddamn epidural first.

1472
01:15:38,480 --> 01:15:40,760
The CIA should use
this shit on terrorists.

1473
01:15:40,785 --> 01:15:43,271
Oh, God, you guys are
all a bunch of wimps.

1474
01:15:43,360 --> 01:15:45,520
- What?!
- It's very delicate tissue down there, Jamie.

1475
01:15:45,600 --> 01:15:47,602
You know, I'm already regretting my choice.

1476
01:15:47,720 --> 01:15:50,160
Should I have gone with the Mt. Rushmore?
Peter loves history.

1477
01:15:50,200 --> 01:15:53,124
- Are you kidding me? He's gonna love that.
It was the best one.

1478
01:15:53,240 --> 01:15:55,129
- Hey, Em.

1479
01:15:55,240 --> 01:15:57,368
Turn around.

1480
01:15:57,480 --> 01:15:58,925
- What?
- Just...

1481
01:15:59,040 --> 01:16:00,565
turn around.

1482
01:16:12,720 --> 01:16:14,165
<i>" Me'?</i>

1483
01:16:14,280 --> 01:16:16,362
- Yeah, you.

1484
01:16:18,280 --> 01:16:20,169
- You did this. It's you.
- No! I swear.

1485
01:16:20,280 --> 01:16:22,408
It's all Tom.
- Come on, get over there, go!

1486
01:16:22,520 --> 01:16:24,409
- Go get your Jake Ryan.

1487
01:16:24,520 --> 01:16:27,251
Go! Go get your Jake Ryan!

1488
01:16:27,360 --> 01:16:29,647
Whoo!

1489
01:16:29,760 --> 01:16:32,127
- Tom looks kind of hot.

1490
01:16:36,400 --> 01:16:39,051
<i>♪ But would you suspect ♪</i>

1491
01:16:39,160 --> 01:16:43,449
<i>♪ My emotion wandering yeah ♪</i>

1492
01:16:43,560 --> 01:16:45,289
I guess the talk worked.

1493
01:16:45,400 --> 01:16:49,405
<i>♪ Not want a part of this anymore♪</i>

1494
01:16:51,520 --> 01:16:53,648
He's even got the sweater, you guys.

1495
01:16:53,760 --> 01:16:55,524
<i>♪ The rain water drips ♪</i>

1496
01:16:55,640 --> 01:16:57,961
<i>♪ Through a crack in the ceiling ♪</i>

1497
01:16:58,080 --> 01:17:00,481
- Uh-oh.
- What... what's going on here?

1498
01:17:00,600 --> 01:17:02,170
- She looks okay.

1499
01:17:02,280 --> 01:17:03,884
What happened?

1500
01:17:04,000 --> 01:17:06,446
- Well, Tom said
he didn't want me to miss our dinner,

1501
01:17:06,600 --> 01:17:08,409
so I'm gonna meet up with him later.

1502
01:17:08,560 --> 01:17:10,562
- Shit.

1503
01:17:13,000 --> 01:17:14,809
- The Porsche is ours for the night.

1504
01:17:14,920 --> 01:17:17,366
- Really?
- That is a slick move. Nice work, Tom!

1505
01:17:17,480 --> 01:17:19,050
- Thank you, Tom!
- Wow.

1506
01:17:19,160 --> 01:17:21,731
- Are you sure?
There'll be other fun mom dinners.

1507
01:17:21,840 --> 01:17:23,888
- You got that right, bitches. Come on.

1508
01:17:24,000 --> 01:17:25,570
- Let's go.
- Let's go. We're good.

1509
01:18:00,840 --> 01:18:03,161
♪ If you were here ♪

1510
01:18:03,320 --> 01:18:05,721
<i>♪ I could deceive you ♪</i>

1511
01:18:09,480 --> 01:18:13,644
<i>♪ And if you were here you would believe ♪</i>

1512
01:18:17,640 --> 01:18:20,166
<i>♪ But would you suspect ♪</i>

1513
01:18:20,280 --> 01:18:24,365
<i>♪ My emotion wandering ♪</i>

1514
01:18:24,480 --> 01:18:25,970
♪ Yeah ♪

1515
01:18:26,080 --> 01:18:30,483
<i>♪ Do not want a part of this anymore♪</i>

1516
01:19:02,680 --> 01:19:05,684
<i>♪ I know a boy named Frank ♪</i>

1517
01:19:05,840 --> 01:19:09,447
<i>♪ Frank's got a job at a bank ♪</i>

1518
01:19:09,560 --> 01:19:12,803
<i>♪ He gets up at 5 barely alive ♪</i>

1519
01:19:12,920 --> 01:19:16,208
<i>♪ Frank's got no gas in his tank ♪</i>

1520
01:19:16,320 --> 01:19:19,483
<i>♪ All work no play ♪</i>

1521
01:19:19,600 --> 01:19:21,602
<i>♪ That's no way to live ♪</i>

1522
01:19:21,720 --> 01:19:23,449
<i>♪ You got to live for today♪</i>

1523
01:19:23,560 --> 01:19:26,803
<i>♪ All work no play ♪</i>

1524
01:19:26,920 --> 01:19:28,922
<i>♪ That's no way to live ♪</i>

1525
01:19:29,040 --> 01:19:31,566
<i>♪ You got to live for today♪</i>

1526
01:19:33,920 --> 01:19:35,809
♪ Hey ♪

1527
01:19:37,560 --> 01:19:38,971
♪ Hey ♪

1528
01:19:41,160 --> 01:19:42,730
♪ Hey ♪

1529
01:19:44,720 --> 01:19:48,486
♪ Hey ♪
♪ <i>I know</i> a <i>girl</i> named Jane ♪

1530
01:19:48,600 --> 01:19:51,683
<i>♪ Jane's always catching a fling ♪</i>

1531
01:19:51,800 --> 01:19:55,441
<i>♪ And she's never home sleeping alone ♪</i>

1532
01:19:55,600 --> 01:19:58,649
<i>♪ Jane says she's going insane ♪</i>

1533
01:19:58,760 --> 01:20:02,287
<i>♪ All work no play ♪</i>

1534
01:20:02,440 --> 01:20:03,885
<i>♪ That's no way to live ♪</i>

1535
01:20:04,000 --> 01:20:05,843
<i>♪ You got to live for today♪</i>

1536
01:20:05,960 --> 01:20:09,282
<i>♪ All work no play ♪</i>

1537
01:20:09,400 --> 01:20:11,004
<i>♪ That's no way to live ♪</i>

1538
01:20:11,120 --> 01:20:13,043
<i>♪ You got to live for today♪</i>

1539
01:20:13,200 --> 01:20:16,488
<i>♪ While I'm taking care of business ♪</i>

1540
01:20:16,600 --> 01:20:19,604
<i>♪ Time keeps on slipping past ♪</i>

1541
01:20:20,600 --> 01:20:23,649
<i>♪ What kind of living is this ♪</i>

1542
01:20:23,760 --> 01:20:27,287
<i>♪ Working till the day is done ♪</i>

1543
01:20:27,400 --> 01:20:30,802
<i>♪ Never stop to wonder why ♪</i>

1544
01:20:34,000 --> 01:20:35,650
♪ Hey ♪

1545
01:20:37,640 --> 01:20:39,005
♪ Hey ♪

1546
01:20:41,200 --> 01:20:42,804
♪ Hey ♪

1547
01:20:44,800 --> 01:20:47,804
♪ Hey ♪
♪ Frank got a pain in <i>his</i> head ♪

1548
01:20:48,800 --> 01:20:51,531
<i>♪ Let's spend the day in bed ♪</i>

1549
01:20:51,640 --> 01:20:55,326
<i>♪ Because the world won't end
if now and then ♪</i>

1550
01:20:55,440 --> 01:20:58,523
<i>♪ We get a little out of our heads ♪</i>

1551
01:20:58,640 --> 01:21:02,122
<i>♪ All work no play ♪</i>

1552
01:21:02,240 --> 01:21:05,528
<i>♪ That's no way to live
You got to live for today ♪</i>

1553
01:21:05,640 --> 01:21:09,122
<i>♪ All work no play ♪</i>

1554
01:21:09,240 --> 01:21:13,290
<i>♪ That's no way to live
You got to live for today ♪</i>

1555
01:21:16,240 --> 01:21:17,844
♪ Hey ♪

1556
01:21:20,040 --> 01:21:21,690
♪ Hey ♪

1557
01:21:23,480 --> 01:21:24,845
♪ Hey ♪

1557
01:21:25,305 --> 01:21:31,913
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