1 00:04:16,965 --> 00:04:18,174 Whoa, there! 2 00:04:36,193 --> 00:04:37,318 Halt! 3 00:04:38,946 --> 00:04:40,196 Who goes there? 4 00:04:40,447 --> 00:04:44,617 It is I, Arthur, Son of Uther Pendragon, from the castle of Camelot. 5 00:04:45,035 --> 00:04:47,870 King of the Britons, defeater of the Saxons. 6 00:04:48,538 --> 00:04:50,706 Sovereign of all England! 7 00:04:52,167 --> 00:04:53,626 Pull the other one. 8 00:04:53,710 --> 00:04:57,004 I am, and this is my trusty servant, Patsy. 9 00:04:57,381 --> 00:05:00,883 We have ridden the length of the land in search of knights 10 00:05:00,968 --> 00:05:05,888 who will join me in my court at Camelot. I must speak with your lord and master. 11 00:05:06,640 --> 00:05:08,849 - What? Ridden on a horse? - Yes. 12 00:05:09,059 --> 00:05:11,227 - You're using coconuts! - What? 13 00:05:11,311 --> 00:05:15,231 You've got two empty halves of coconut, and you're banging them together. 14 00:05:15,315 --> 00:05:19,235 So? We have ridden since the snows of winter covered this land. 15 00:05:19,736 --> 00:05:23,322 - Through the Kingdom of Mercia. - Where did you get the coconuts? 16 00:05:23,407 --> 00:05:24,615 We found them. 17 00:05:24,700 --> 00:05:27,910 Found them? In Mercia? The coconut is tropical. 18 00:05:28,370 --> 00:05:31,080 - What do you mean? - Well, this is a temperate zone. 19 00:05:31,164 --> 00:05:34,834 The swallow may fly south with the sun, or the house martin or the plover 20 00:05:34,918 --> 00:05:39,255 may seek warmer climes in winter, yet these are not strangers to our land. 21 00:05:40,257 --> 00:05:45,177 - Are you suggesting coconuts migrate? - Not at all. They could be carried. 22 00:05:45,262 --> 00:05:49,974 - What? A swallow carrying a coconut? - It could grip it by the husk. 23 00:05:50,434 --> 00:05:55,271 It's not a question of where he grips it. It's a simple question of weight ratio. 24 00:05:55,772 --> 00:05:59,942 A five-ounce bird could not carry a one-pound coconut. 25 00:06:00,027 --> 00:06:04,947 It doesn't matter. Go tell your master that Arthur from Camelot is here. 26 00:06:06,450 --> 00:06:09,577 In order to maintain air-speed velocity, 27 00:06:09,786 --> 00:06:14,457 a swallow needs to beat its wings 43 times every second, right? 28 00:06:14,583 --> 00:06:16,459 - Please! - Am I right? 29 00:06:17,294 --> 00:06:21,547 - I'm not interested. - It could be carried by an African swallow. 30 00:06:22,215 --> 00:06:26,886 Oh, yes! An African swallow, maybe. Not a European swallow. That's my point. 31 00:06:26,970 --> 00:06:28,220 I agree with that. 32 00:06:28,305 --> 00:06:32,641 Will you ask your master if he wants to join my court at Camelot? 33 00:06:33,602 --> 00:06:36,687 But then, of course, African swallows are non-migratory. 34 00:06:36,772 --> 00:06:39,982 - Oh, yes. - They couldn't bring a coconut, anyway. 35 00:06:40,650 --> 00:06:44,236 Wait a minute! Supposing two swallows carried it together? 36 00:06:44,654 --> 00:06:49,533 - No, they'd have to have it on a line. - Simple. They'd use a strand of creeper. 37 00:06:49,910 --> 00:06:53,370 - Held under the dorsal guiding feathers? - Why not? 38 00:06:55,290 --> 00:06:56,832 Bring out your dead! 39 00:07:28,698 --> 00:07:29,824 Ninepence. 40 00:07:49,636 --> 00:07:51,804 - Bring out your dead. - Here's one. 41 00:07:52,055 --> 00:07:53,139 Ninepence. 42 00:07:53,223 --> 00:07:54,807 - I'm not dead! - What? 43 00:07:54,891 --> 00:07:57,560 - Nothing. Here's your ninepence. - I'm not dead! 44 00:07:57,644 --> 00:07:59,895 - He says he's not dead. - Yes, he is. 45 00:07:59,980 --> 00:08:01,480 - I'm not! - He isn't? 46 00:08:01,565 --> 00:08:04,150 - He will be soon. He's very ill. - I'm getting better! 47 00:08:04,234 --> 00:08:05,985 You'll be stone dead in a moment. 48 00:08:06,069 --> 00:08:08,737 I can't take him like that. It's against regulations. 49 00:08:08,822 --> 00:08:12,158 - I don't want to go on the cart. - Don't be such a baby. 50 00:08:12,242 --> 00:08:14,410 - I can't take him. - I feel fine. 51 00:08:14,494 --> 00:08:16,537 - Well, do us a favor. - I can't. 52 00:08:16,621 --> 00:08:19,248 Can you hang around a few minutes? He won't be long. 53 00:08:19,332 --> 00:08:22,042 Got to go to the Robinsons'. They've lost nine today. 54 00:08:22,127 --> 00:08:23,919 - When's your next round? - Thursday. 55 00:08:24,004 --> 00:08:27,756 - I think I'll go for a walk. - You're not fooling anyone, you know. 56 00:08:27,841 --> 00:08:32,803 - Isn't there something you can do? - I feel happy. 57 00:08:34,181 --> 00:08:37,141 - Thanks very much. - Not at all. See you on Thursday. 58 00:08:37,225 --> 00:08:38,309 Right. 59 00:08:42,272 --> 00:08:45,191 - Who's that, then? - I don't know. Must be a king. 60 00:08:45,483 --> 00:08:48,068 - Why? - He hasn't got shit all over him. 61 00:09:11,968 --> 00:09:13,594 - Old woman! - Man! 62 00:09:14,054 --> 00:09:17,473 Man. Sorry. What knight lives in that castle over there? 63 00:09:17,599 --> 00:09:19,850 - I'm 37. - What? 64 00:09:20,143 --> 00:09:23,979 - I'm 37. I'm not old. - I can't just call you "man." 65 00:09:24,064 --> 00:09:27,066 - You could say "Dennis." - I didn't know you were called Dennis. 66 00:09:27,150 --> 00:09:28,817 You didn't bother to find out. 67 00:09:28,902 --> 00:09:31,654 I did say sorry about the "old woman," but from behind... 68 00:09:31,738 --> 00:09:34,990 What I object to is that you treat me like an inferior. 69 00:09:35,116 --> 00:09:37,993 - Well, I am king. - King? Very nice. 70 00:09:38,578 --> 00:09:41,413 How did you get that? By exploiting the workers! 71 00:09:41,831 --> 00:09:45,251 By hanging on to outdated imperialist dogma which perpetuates 72 00:09:45,335 --> 00:09:48,337 the economic and social differences in our society! 73 00:09:48,421 --> 00:09:52,925 - If there's ever going to be any progress... - There's some lovely filth down here. 74 00:09:53,969 --> 00:09:55,177 How do you do? 75 00:09:55,262 --> 00:09:58,264 How do you do, good lady? I am Arthur, King of the Britons. 76 00:09:58,348 --> 00:10:00,766 - Whose castle is that? - King of the who? 77 00:10:00,850 --> 00:10:03,018 - The Britons. - Who are the Britons? 78 00:10:03,270 --> 00:10:06,272 We all are. We're all Britons. And I am your king. 79 00:10:07,023 --> 00:10:10,192 Didn't know we had a king. I thought we were an autonomous collective. 80 00:10:10,277 --> 00:10:13,112 You're fooling yourself. We're living in a dictatorship. 81 00:10:13,196 --> 00:10:16,282 A self-perpetuating autocracy in which the working class... 82 00:10:16,366 --> 00:10:18,867 There you go. Bringing class into it again. 83 00:10:18,952 --> 00:10:23,455 - That's what it's all about. If only people... - Please, good people. I am in haste. 84 00:10:23,999 --> 00:10:25,749 Who lives in that castle? 85 00:10:26,376 --> 00:10:28,419 - No one lives there. - Who is your lord? 86 00:10:28,503 --> 00:10:30,462 - We don't have a lord. - What? 87 00:10:30,547 --> 00:10:33,716 I told you. We're an anarcho-syndicalist commune. 88 00:10:33,883 --> 00:10:37,303 We take turns to act as a sort of executive officer for the week. 89 00:10:37,387 --> 00:10:39,972 - Yes. - But all the decisions of that officer 90 00:10:40,056 --> 00:10:43,058 - are ratified at a biweekly meeting. - Yes, I see. 91 00:10:43,184 --> 00:10:46,478 - By a majority in the case of internal affairs. - Be quiet! 92 00:10:46,563 --> 00:10:50,983 - By a two-thirds majority in the case of... - Be quiet! I order you to be quiet. 93 00:10:51,401 --> 00:10:53,485 "Order." Who does he think he is? 94 00:10:53,570 --> 00:10:56,196 - I am your king! - I didn't vote for you. 95 00:10:56,531 --> 00:10:59,742 - You don't vote for kings. - How did you become king then? 96 00:11:00,410 --> 00:11:05,122 The Lady of the Lake, her arm clad in the purest shimmering samite, 97 00:11:05,373 --> 00:11:08,500 held aloft Excalibur from the bosom of the water, 98 00:11:09,085 --> 00:11:14,006 signifying, by divine providence, that I, Arthur, was to carry Excalibur. 99 00:11:14,507 --> 00:11:16,008 That is why I'm your king! 100 00:11:16,092 --> 00:11:20,596 Listen. Strange women lying in ponds, distributing swords, is no basis 101 00:11:20,722 --> 00:11:24,016 for a system of government. Supreme executive power 102 00:11:24,100 --> 00:11:28,687 derives from a mandate from the masses. Not from some farcical aquatic ceremony. 103 00:11:28,772 --> 00:11:29,855 Be quiet! 104 00:11:29,939 --> 00:11:33,025 You can't expect to wield supreme executive power 105 00:11:33,109 --> 00:11:35,694 'cause some watery tart threw a sword at you. 106 00:11:35,779 --> 00:11:39,031 - Shut up! - If I went around saying I was an emperor 107 00:11:39,115 --> 00:11:43,410 because some moistened bint had lobbed a scimitar at me, they'd put me away! 108 00:11:43,495 --> 00:11:47,623 - Will you shut up? - See the violence inherent in the system. 109 00:11:47,791 --> 00:11:51,377 - Shut up! - See the violence inherent in the system! 110 00:11:51,544 --> 00:11:54,546 - Help, I'm being repressed! - Bloody peasant! 111 00:11:54,631 --> 00:11:57,049 What a giveaway. Did you hear that? 112 00:11:57,133 --> 00:12:00,219 That's what I'm on about. Did you see him repressing me? 113 00:13:37,025 --> 00:13:40,068 You fight with the strength of many men, Sir Knight. 114 00:13:43,239 --> 00:13:45,407 I am Arthur, King of the Britons. 115 00:13:49,746 --> 00:13:54,249 I seek the finest and bravest knights in the land to join me in Camelot. 116 00:13:59,714 --> 00:14:03,050 You have proved yourself worthy. Will you join me? 117 00:14:08,681 --> 00:14:11,767 You make me sad. So be it. Come, Patsy. 118 00:14:12,101 --> 00:14:13,769 None shall pass. 119 00:14:14,145 --> 00:14:16,230 - What? - None shall pass. 120 00:14:16,898 --> 00:14:20,651 I have no quarrel with you, good Sir Knight, but I must cross this bridge. 121 00:14:20,735 --> 00:14:22,945 Then you shall die. 122 00:14:23,821 --> 00:14:27,783 I command you, as King of the Britons, to stand aside. 123 00:14:28,076 --> 00:14:31,662 I move for no man. 124 00:14:33,456 --> 00:14:34,665 So be it! 125 00:15:01,401 --> 00:15:03,485 Now, stand aside, worthy adversary. 126 00:15:03,570 --> 00:15:06,780 - 'Tis but a scratch. - "A scratch"? Your arm's off. 127 00:15:06,906 --> 00:15:09,283 - No, it isn't. - Well, what's that, then? 128 00:15:10,368 --> 00:15:11,827 - I've had worse. - You liar. 129 00:15:11,911 --> 00:15:13,537 Come on, you pansy! 130 00:15:21,588 --> 00:15:22,963 Victory is mine. 131 00:15:24,799 --> 00:15:26,967 We thank thee, Lord, that in thy... 132 00:15:28,261 --> 00:15:29,845 - Come on, then. - What? 133 00:15:30,179 --> 00:15:31,388 Have at you. 134 00:15:33,099 --> 00:15:35,559 You are brave, Sir Knight, but the fight is mine. 135 00:15:35,643 --> 00:15:37,227 Had enough, eh? 136 00:15:38,187 --> 00:15:40,814 Look, you stupid bastard. You've got no arms left. 137 00:15:40,898 --> 00:15:42,357 - Yes, I have. - Look! 138 00:15:42,775 --> 00:15:44,276 Just a flesh wound. 139 00:15:45,361 --> 00:15:47,779 - Look, stop that. - Chicken! 140 00:15:47,864 --> 00:15:50,365 I'll have your leg. Right! 141 00:15:53,202 --> 00:15:55,579 - Right! I'll do you for that. - You'll what? 142 00:15:55,663 --> 00:15:58,582 - Come here. - What are you going to do? Bleed on me? 143 00:15:58,666 --> 00:16:01,418 - I am invincible! - You're a loony. 144 00:16:02,170 --> 00:16:05,839 The Black Knight always triumphs. Have at you! 145 00:16:06,883 --> 00:16:08,133 Come on, then. 146 00:16:13,389 --> 00:16:15,474 All right, we'll call it a draw. 147 00:16:16,392 --> 00:16:18,810 - Come, Patsy. - Oh, I see. 148 00:16:19,395 --> 00:16:22,898 Running away? You yellow bastard! 149 00:16:23,024 --> 00:16:27,361 Come back here and take what's coming to you! I'll bite your legs off! 150 00:16:30,907 --> 00:16:34,868 Pie Jesu Domine 151 00:16:35,495 --> 00:16:39,873 Dona eis requiem 152 00:16:42,377 --> 00:16:46,171 Pie Jesu Domine 153 00:16:47,799 --> 00:16:52,761 Dona eis requiem 154 00:17:05,024 --> 00:17:06,942 - A witch! - We found a witch. 155 00:17:09,112 --> 00:17:11,279 - We got a witch. - We found a witch. 156 00:17:14,117 --> 00:17:15,575 We've got a witch. 157 00:17:16,994 --> 00:17:18,995 Burn her! 158 00:17:27,588 --> 00:17:31,258 - We have found a witch. May we burn her? - Burn her! 159 00:17:32,927 --> 00:17:36,012 - How do you know she is a witch? - She looks like one. 160 00:17:38,057 --> 00:17:39,516 Bring her forward. 161 00:17:40,309 --> 00:17:44,730 - I am not a witch. - But you are dressed as one. 162 00:17:45,106 --> 00:17:47,899 - They dressed me up like this. - We didn't! 163 00:17:47,984 --> 00:17:50,569 And this isn't my nose. It's a false one. 164 00:17:54,240 --> 00:17:56,366 - Well? - Well, we did do the nose. 165 00:17:57,201 --> 00:18:00,078 - The nose? - And the hat. But she is a witch. 166 00:18:00,455 --> 00:18:03,373 Burn her! 167 00:18:04,333 --> 00:18:08,420 - Did you dress her up like this? - No. Yes. 168 00:18:08,713 --> 00:18:12,090 Yes, a bit. She has got a wart. 169 00:18:13,634 --> 00:18:17,637 - What makes you think she is a witch? - Well, she turned me into a newt. 170 00:18:19,098 --> 00:18:20,223 A newt? 171 00:18:24,520 --> 00:18:25,771 I got better. 172 00:18:26,022 --> 00:18:28,690 - Burn her anyway. - Burn her! 173 00:18:32,403 --> 00:18:37,282 Quiet! There are ways of telling whether she is a witch. 174 00:18:38,034 --> 00:18:41,411 - Are there? What are they? Tell us. - Do they hurt? 175 00:18:41,871 --> 00:18:44,790 Tell me, what do you do with witches? 176 00:18:44,957 --> 00:18:47,334 Burn them! 177 00:18:48,419 --> 00:18:52,172 - What do you burn apart from witches? - More witches! 178 00:18:53,508 --> 00:18:57,010 - Wood. - So, why do witches burn? 179 00:19:08,481 --> 00:19:11,024 - 'Cause they're made of wood? - Good. 180 00:19:13,110 --> 00:19:16,571 So, how do we tell whether she is made of wood? 181 00:19:17,698 --> 00:19:22,410 - Build a bridge out of her. - Can you not also make bridges of stone? 182 00:19:23,663 --> 00:19:24,704 Oh, yeah. 183 00:19:25,832 --> 00:19:28,208 Does wood sink in water? 184 00:19:28,543 --> 00:19:31,002 - No. - It floats. 185 00:19:31,087 --> 00:19:32,796 Throw her into the pond! 186 00:19:35,842 --> 00:19:38,927 - What also floats in water? - Bread. 187 00:19:39,971 --> 00:19:41,847 - Apples. - Very small rocks. 188 00:19:42,306 --> 00:19:44,975 - Cider. Cherries. - Gravy. Mud. 189 00:19:45,518 --> 00:19:47,227 - Churches. - Lead. 190 00:19:47,436 --> 00:19:48,478 A duck! 191 00:19:50,857 --> 00:19:51,898 Exactly. 192 00:19:53,734 --> 00:19:55,360 So, logically... 193 00:19:55,862 --> 00:19:57,487 If she 194 00:19:58,364 --> 00:20:00,657 weighs the same as a duck... 195 00:20:03,119 --> 00:20:04,703 She's made of wood. 196 00:20:04,787 --> 00:20:06,246 And, therefore... 197 00:20:08,457 --> 00:20:09,916 - A witch! - A witch! 198 00:20:14,630 --> 00:20:16,840 We shall use my largest scales. 199 00:20:37,111 --> 00:20:40,697 Right. Remove the supports! 200 00:20:45,870 --> 00:20:47,078 - A witch! - A witch! 201 00:20:47,997 --> 00:20:49,789 - It's a fair cop. - Burn her! 202 00:20:57,882 --> 00:21:01,051 Who are you, who are so wise in the ways of science? 203 00:21:01,218 --> 00:21:04,512 - I am Arthur, King of the Britons. - My liege. 204 00:21:05,890 --> 00:21:10,852 Good Sir Knight, will you come to Camelot, and join us at the Round Table? 205 00:21:11,437 --> 00:21:13,521 My liege, I would be honored. 206 00:21:14,148 --> 00:21:16,733 - What is your name? - Bedevere, my liege. 207 00:21:17,193 --> 00:21:19,903 Then I dub you Sir Bedevere, 208 00:21:20,780 --> 00:21:22,697 knight of the Round Table. 209 00:21:24,033 --> 00:21:27,953 The wise Sir Bedevere was the first to join King Arthur's knights. 210 00:21:28,037 --> 00:21:30,914 But other illustrious names were soon to follow. 211 00:21:31,457 --> 00:21:33,249 Sir Lancelot the Brave. 212 00:21:34,251 --> 00:21:35,961 Sir Galahad the Pure. 213 00:21:36,754 --> 00:21:39,756 And Sir Robin, the Not-quite-so-brave-as-Sir-Lancelot, 214 00:21:39,840 --> 00:21:42,092 who had nearly fought the Dragon of Angnor, 215 00:21:42,176 --> 00:21:45,261 who had nearly stood up to the vicious Chicken of Bristol, 216 00:21:45,346 --> 00:21:49,099 and who had personally wet himself at the Battle of Badon Hill. 217 00:21:49,350 --> 00:21:52,811 And the aptly named Sir Not-appearing-in-this-film. 218 00:21:54,230 --> 00:21:55,939 Together they formed a band 219 00:21:56,023 --> 00:21:59,859 whose names and deeds were to be retold throughout the centuries. 220 00:21:59,986 --> 00:22:02,404 The Knights of the Round Table. 221 00:22:03,072 --> 00:22:06,491 That, my liege, is how we know the Earth to be banana-shaped. 222 00:22:06,575 --> 00:22:09,035 This new learning amazes me, Sir Bedevere. 223 00:22:09,120 --> 00:22:12,956 Explain again how sheep's bladders may be employed to prevent earthquakes. 224 00:22:13,040 --> 00:22:15,083 - Certainly, sir. - Look, my liege. 225 00:22:19,088 --> 00:22:20,922 - Camelot. - Camelot. 226 00:22:21,215 --> 00:22:23,133 - Camelot. - It's only a model. 227 00:22:24,885 --> 00:22:27,512 Knights, I bid you welcome to your new home. 228 00:22:27,722 --> 00:22:30,265 Let us ride to Camelot! 229 00:22:32,101 --> 00:22:35,395 We're knights of the Round Table We dance whene'er we're able 230 00:22:35,479 --> 00:22:38,565 We do routines and chorus scenes With footwork impeccable 231 00:22:38,649 --> 00:22:41,943 We dine well here in Camelot We eat ham and jam and Spam a lot 232 00:22:48,784 --> 00:22:52,954 We're knights of the Round Table Our shows are formidable 233 00:22:53,664 --> 00:22:55,457 But many times We're given rhymes 234 00:22:55,541 --> 00:22:58,418 That are quite unsingable We're opera mad in Camelot 235 00:22:58,502 --> 00:23:00,670 We sing from the diaphragm a lot 236 00:23:15,853 --> 00:23:18,188 In war we're tough and able 237 00:23:19,023 --> 00:23:21,232 Quite indefatigable 238 00:23:22,026 --> 00:23:23,902 Between our quests We sequin vests 239 00:23:23,986 --> 00:23:27,197 And impersonate Clark Gable It's a busy life in Camelot 240 00:23:27,573 --> 00:23:31,618 I have to push the pram a lot 241 00:23:36,499 --> 00:23:40,001 No, on second thoughts, let's not go to Camelot. It is a silly place. 242 00:23:40,086 --> 00:23:41,336 Right. 243 00:23:50,471 --> 00:23:53,848 Arthur. 244 00:23:54,308 --> 00:23:55,767 King of the Britons. 245 00:23:57,603 --> 00:24:01,356 Don't grovel. If there's one thing I can't stand, it's people groveling. 246 00:24:01,440 --> 00:24:03,149 - Sorry. - And don't apologize. 247 00:24:03,609 --> 00:24:07,195 Every time I talk to someone it's "sorry this," and, "forgive me that," 248 00:24:07,279 --> 00:24:08,905 and, "I'm not worthy." 249 00:24:09,073 --> 00:24:11,783 - What are you doing now? - I'm averting my eyes, O Lord. 250 00:24:11,867 --> 00:24:16,412 Don't. It's like those miserable psalms. They're so depressing. 251 00:24:16,622 --> 00:24:18,373 - Now, knock it off! - Yes, Lord. 252 00:24:18,457 --> 00:24:21,960 Right. Arthur, King of the Britons. 253 00:24:22,545 --> 00:24:25,171 Your knights of the Round Table shall have a task 254 00:24:25,256 --> 00:24:27,966 to make them an example in these dark times. 255 00:24:28,050 --> 00:24:30,760 - Good idea, O Lord! - Course it's a good idea. 256 00:24:31,470 --> 00:24:35,181 Behold, Arthur, this is the Holy Grail. 257 00:24:35,432 --> 00:24:40,061 Look well, Arthur, for it is your sacred task to seek this grail. 258 00:24:40,479 --> 00:24:42,730 That is your purpose, Arthur. 259 00:24:43,649 --> 00:24:46,401 The quest for the Holy Grail. 260 00:24:50,573 --> 00:24:54,409 - A blessing from the Lord. - God be praised! 261 00:25:52,968 --> 00:25:54,052 Halt! 262 00:26:05,022 --> 00:26:14,822 Hello! 263 00:26:16,533 --> 00:26:18,076 Hello. Who is it? 264 00:26:18,410 --> 00:26:21,996 It is King Arthur, and these are my knights of the Round Table. 265 00:26:22,164 --> 00:26:23,706 Whose castle is this? 266 00:26:23,916 --> 00:26:27,210 This is the castle of my master, Guy de Loimbard. 267 00:26:27,503 --> 00:26:31,381 Go and tell your master that we have been charged by God 268 00:26:31,840 --> 00:26:36,302 with a sacred quest. If he will give us food and shelter for the night, 269 00:26:36,679 --> 00:26:39,555 he can join us in our quest for the Holy Grail. 270 00:26:39,890 --> 00:26:43,059 Well, I'll ask him, but I don't think he'll be very keen. 271 00:26:43,185 --> 00:26:45,228 He's already got one, you see. 272 00:26:46,397 --> 00:26:48,856 - What? - He says they've already got one! 273 00:26:50,317 --> 00:26:54,028 - Are you sure he's got one? - Oh, yes. It's very nice. 274 00:26:54,905 --> 00:26:57,073 I told him we've already got one. 275 00:27:00,244 --> 00:27:04,539 - Can we come up and have a look? - Of course not! You are English-types. 276 00:27:06,208 --> 00:27:08,459 - Well, what are you then? - I'm French. 277 00:27:08,544 --> 00:27:12,547 Why do you think I have this outrageous accent, you silly king? 278 00:27:13,048 --> 00:27:16,217 - What are you doing in England? - Mind your own business. 279 00:27:17,886 --> 00:27:21,639 If you will not show us the Grail, we shall take your castle by force. 280 00:27:21,724 --> 00:27:24,892 You don't frighten us, English pig-dogs! 281 00:27:25,519 --> 00:27:29,439 Go and boil your bottoms, sons of a silly person. 282 00:27:29,732 --> 00:27:33,609 I blow my nose at you, so-called Arthur King. 283 00:27:33,861 --> 00:27:37,905 You and all your silly English knights. 284 00:27:44,788 --> 00:27:48,166 - What a strange person. - Now look here, my good man... 285 00:27:48,250 --> 00:27:50,626 I don't want to talk to you no more, 286 00:27:50,919 --> 00:27:54,213 you empty-headed, animal food-trough wiper. 287 00:27:54,590 --> 00:27:57,342 I fart in your general direction. 288 00:27:57,843 --> 00:28:02,764 Your mother was a hamster, and your father smelt of elderberries. 289 00:28:04,975 --> 00:28:07,685 Is there someone else up there we could talk to? 290 00:28:07,770 --> 00:28:11,647 No. Now go away, or I shall taunt you a second time. 291 00:28:14,026 --> 00:28:17,695 Now, this is your last chance. I've been more than reasonable... 292 00:28:17,821 --> 00:28:19,238 - Fetchez la vache! - Quoi? 293 00:28:19,323 --> 00:28:20,782 Fetchez la vache! 294 00:28:23,160 --> 00:28:26,287 If you do not agree to my commands, then I shall... 295 00:28:28,123 --> 00:28:29,457 Jesus Christ! 296 00:28:30,876 --> 00:28:31,959 Crikey! 297 00:28:34,505 --> 00:28:36,798 Right! Charge! 298 00:28:51,480 --> 00:28:54,023 Run away! Run away! 299 00:29:04,576 --> 00:29:06,869 - Fiends! I'll tear them apart. - No, no. 300 00:29:06,995 --> 00:29:09,914 Sir, I have a plan, sir. 301 00:30:45,427 --> 00:30:46,511 - Un cadeau. - What? 302 00:30:46,595 --> 00:30:47,595 - A present. - Un cadeau. 303 00:30:47,679 --> 00:30:50,181 Oui, allons-y. Let's go. 304 00:31:14,206 --> 00:31:15,373 What happens now? 305 00:31:15,457 --> 00:31:20,378 Well, now, Lancelot, Galahad, and I wait until nightfall, 306 00:31:20,796 --> 00:31:24,966 and then leap out of the rabbit, taking the French by surprise. 307 00:31:25,467 --> 00:31:28,135 Not only by surprise, but totally unarmed! 308 00:31:29,137 --> 00:31:30,346 Who leaps out? 309 00:31:31,265 --> 00:31:33,599 Lancelot, Galahad, and I 310 00:31:34,851 --> 00:31:36,644 leap out of the rabbit. 311 00:31:42,526 --> 00:31:45,653 Look. If we built this large, wooden badger... 312 00:31:49,658 --> 00:31:52,034 Run away! 313 00:32:01,837 --> 00:32:04,380 - History for Schools. Take 8. - Action! 314 00:32:04,840 --> 00:32:08,676 Defeat at the castle seems to have utterly disheartened King Arthur. 315 00:32:09,011 --> 00:32:13,806 The ferocity of the French taunting took him completely by surprise. 316 00:32:13,890 --> 00:32:18,185 Arthur became convinced that a new strategy was required 317 00:32:18,353 --> 00:32:22,732 if the quest for the Holy Grail were to be brought to a successful conclusion. 318 00:32:22,858 --> 00:32:25,693 Arthur, having consulted his closest knights 319 00:32:26,069 --> 00:32:30,364 decided that they should separate, and search for the Grail individually. 320 00:32:30,741 --> 00:32:32,575 Now, this is what they did... 321 00:32:35,871 --> 00:32:36,954 Frank! 322 00:32:48,592 --> 00:32:51,469 So, each of the knights went their separate ways. 323 00:32:51,762 --> 00:32:55,056 Sir Robin rode north, through the dark forest of Ewing, 324 00:32:55,265 --> 00:32:57,808 accompanied by his favorite minstrels. 325 00:32:59,061 --> 00:33:02,772 Bravely bold Sir Robin Rode forth from Camelot 326 00:33:03,565 --> 00:33:07,610 He was not afraid to die O, Brave Sir Robin 327 00:33:07,986 --> 00:33:11,906 He was not at all afraid To be killed in nasty ways 328 00:33:12,407 --> 00:33:15,076 Brave, brave, brave, brave Sir Robin 329 00:33:16,787 --> 00:33:20,581 He was not in the least bit scared To be mashed into a pulp 330 00:33:21,291 --> 00:33:25,544 Or to have his eyes gouged out And his elbows broken 331 00:33:25,754 --> 00:33:29,674 To have his kneecaps split And his body burned away 332 00:33:29,966 --> 00:33:33,177 And his limbs all hacked and mangled Brave Sir Robin 333 00:33:34,638 --> 00:33:36,722 His head smashed in And his heart cut out 334 00:33:36,807 --> 00:33:38,724 His liver removed And his bowels unplugged 335 00:33:38,809 --> 00:33:41,769 His nostrils raped, his bottom burned off And his penis... 336 00:33:41,853 --> 00:33:44,772 That's enough music for now, lads. 337 00:33:45,607 --> 00:33:47,608 Looks like there's dirty work afoot. 338 00:33:50,195 --> 00:33:53,072 Anarcho-syndicalism is a way of preserving freedom. 339 00:33:53,156 --> 00:33:56,617 Dennis, forget about freedom. Don't drop that mud. 340 00:34:00,163 --> 00:34:02,456 Halt! Who art thou? 341 00:34:02,749 --> 00:34:05,501 He is brave Sir Robin, brave Sir Robin... 342 00:34:05,585 --> 00:34:06,877 Shut up! 343 00:34:07,671 --> 00:34:11,006 Nobody, really. I was just passing through. 344 00:34:11,299 --> 00:34:12,550 What do you want? 345 00:34:12,634 --> 00:34:14,051 To fight and... 346 00:34:14,136 --> 00:34:15,344 Shut up! 347 00:34:16,346 --> 00:34:18,139 Nothing. Nothing, really. 348 00:34:19,099 --> 00:34:22,393 - Just to pass through, good Sir Knight. - I'm afraid not. 349 00:34:24,354 --> 00:34:29,233 - Actually, I am a knight of the Round Table. - You're a knight of the Round Table? 350 00:34:29,651 --> 00:34:30,693 I am. 351 00:34:30,777 --> 00:34:32,987 - In that case, I have to kill you. - Shall I? 352 00:34:33,071 --> 00:34:35,281 - I don't think so. - What do I think? 353 00:34:35,365 --> 00:34:37,199 - Kill him. - Let's be nice to him. 354 00:34:37,284 --> 00:34:38,367 - Shut up. - But... 355 00:34:38,452 --> 00:34:39,493 And you! 356 00:34:39,578 --> 00:34:41,579 Get the sword out. I want to cut his head off! 357 00:34:41,663 --> 00:34:44,498 - Cut your own head off. - Yes, do us all a favor. 358 00:34:44,583 --> 00:34:46,625 - What? - Yapping on all the time. 359 00:34:46,710 --> 00:34:49,462 - You're lucky you're not next to him. - What do you mean? 360 00:34:49,546 --> 00:34:51,589 - You snore. - I don't. 361 00:34:51,798 --> 00:34:54,967 - You've got bad breath. - Only because you don't brush my teeth. 362 00:34:55,051 --> 00:34:57,428 Stop bitching, and let's go and have tea! 363 00:34:57,512 --> 00:35:01,640 All right! We'll kill him first, and then have tea and biscuits. 364 00:35:01,725 --> 00:35:03,058 - Yes. - Not biscuits. 365 00:35:03,143 --> 00:35:06,604 All right! Not biscuits. But let's kill him anyway. 366 00:35:06,688 --> 00:35:07,772 Right. 367 00:35:10,358 --> 00:35:12,693 - He's buggered off! - So he has! He's scarpered. 368 00:35:12,778 --> 00:35:14,111 Brave Sir Robin ran away 369 00:35:14,196 --> 00:35:15,196 No! 370 00:35:15,280 --> 00:35:17,114 Bravely ran away, away 371 00:35:17,199 --> 00:35:18,324 I didn't. 372 00:35:19,201 --> 00:35:23,120 When danger reared its ugly head He bravely turned his tail and fled 373 00:35:23,205 --> 00:35:27,082 Yes, Brave Sir Robin turned about And gallantly he chickened out 374 00:35:27,459 --> 00:35:31,295 Bravely taking to his feet He beat a very brave retreat 375 00:35:31,505 --> 00:35:33,380 Bravest of the brave, Sir Robin 376 00:35:33,465 --> 00:35:34,632 I never! 377 00:35:36,802 --> 00:35:40,763 Pie Jesu Domine 378 00:35:41,348 --> 00:35:45,810 Dona eis requiem 379 00:37:02,137 --> 00:37:05,431 Open the door. 380 00:37:06,600 --> 00:37:09,727 In the name of King Arthur, open the door! 381 00:37:18,778 --> 00:37:19,820 Hello! 382 00:37:20,363 --> 00:37:24,116 Welcome, gentle Sir Knight. Welcome to the Castle Anthrax. 383 00:37:25,368 --> 00:37:27,745 - The Castle Anthrax? - Yes. 384 00:37:28,788 --> 00:37:30,831 It's not a very good name, is it? 385 00:37:30,916 --> 00:37:35,461 But we are nice, and we will attend to your every, every need! 386 00:37:36,379 --> 00:37:38,756 You are the keepers of the Holy Grail? 387 00:37:38,882 --> 00:37:41,258 - The what? - The Grail. It is here? 388 00:37:42,260 --> 00:37:45,220 But you are tired, and you must rest awhile. 389 00:37:45,722 --> 00:37:47,139 Midget! Crapper! 390 00:37:47,432 --> 00:37:50,476 - Yes, O Zoot? - Prepare a bed for our guest. 391 00:37:50,936 --> 00:37:53,520 - Thank you, Zoot. - Thank you. 392 00:37:53,647 --> 00:37:55,314 Away, away, varletesses! 393 00:37:57,067 --> 00:38:01,195 The beds here are warm and soft, and very, very big. 394 00:38:01,696 --> 00:38:04,448 - Look, I... - What is your name, handsome knight? 395 00:38:04,783 --> 00:38:06,867 Sir Galahad the Chaste. 396 00:38:08,078 --> 00:38:11,038 Mine is Zoot. Just Zoot. 397 00:38:11,957 --> 00:38:15,876 - But come. - Please, in God's name, show me the Grail. 398 00:38:17,128 --> 00:38:20,089 You have suffered much. You are delirious. 399 00:38:20,173 --> 00:38:22,925 - Look, I have seen it. It is here. - Sir Galahad! 400 00:38:23,009 --> 00:38:26,971 You would not be so ungallant as to refuse our hospitality. 401 00:38:30,225 --> 00:38:35,229 I'm afraid our life must seem very dull and quiet, compared to yours. 402 00:38:36,231 --> 00:38:41,193 We're eight score blondes and brunettes, all between 16 and 19 and a half, 403 00:38:41,569 --> 00:38:44,655 cut off in this castle, with no one to protect us. 404 00:38:45,782 --> 00:38:47,324 It is a lonely life. 405 00:38:48,076 --> 00:38:53,080 Bathing, dressing, undressing, making exciting underwear. 406 00:38:54,666 --> 00:38:57,209 We are just not used to handsome knights. 407 00:38:57,544 --> 00:39:00,129 Nay. Come. You may lie here. 408 00:39:02,298 --> 00:39:04,717 - But you are wounded! - No, it's nothing! 409 00:39:05,010 --> 00:39:09,805 You must see the doctors immediately. Please, lie down. 410 00:39:12,976 --> 00:39:16,645 - Well, what seems to be the trouble? - They're doctors? 411 00:39:17,897 --> 00:39:20,107 They have a basic medical training. 412 00:39:20,525 --> 00:39:23,193 Come, come, you must try to rest. 413 00:39:23,903 --> 00:39:26,989 Dr. Piglet! Dr. Winston! Practice your art. 414 00:39:34,456 --> 00:39:37,291 - Try to relax. - Are you sure that's absolutely necessary? 415 00:39:37,751 --> 00:39:39,251 We must examine you. 416 00:39:42,213 --> 00:39:45,591 - There's nothing wrong with that. - Please. We are doctors. 417 00:39:48,011 --> 00:39:49,595 Look, this cannot be. 418 00:39:50,138 --> 00:39:52,431 - I am sworn to chastity! - Back to your bed! 419 00:39:52,515 --> 00:39:55,309 Torment me no longer. I have seen the Grail. 420 00:39:55,643 --> 00:39:58,479 - There's no Grail here. - I have seen it. 421 00:39:59,564 --> 00:40:01,106 - I have seen... - Hello. 422 00:40:06,905 --> 00:40:08,197 Hello. 423 00:40:27,926 --> 00:40:31,678 - Zoot! - I am Zoot's identical twin sister, Dingo. 424 00:40:33,056 --> 00:40:35,599 - Where are you going? - I seek the Grail. 425 00:40:35,725 --> 00:40:37,935 I have seen it here in this castle! 426 00:40:39,020 --> 00:40:43,398 Oh, no. Bad, bad Zoot! 427 00:40:43,733 --> 00:40:47,069 - What is it? - Wicked, bad, naughty Zoot! 428 00:40:47,570 --> 00:40:51,782 She has been setting light to our beacon, which is Grail-shaped. 429 00:40:52,200 --> 00:40:54,535 It's not the first time we've had this problem. 430 00:40:54,619 --> 00:40:56,328 It's not the real Grail? 431 00:40:56,621 --> 00:40:59,540 Wicked, bad, naughty, evil Zoot. 432 00:40:59,666 --> 00:41:03,001 She is a bad person, and must pay the penalty. 433 00:41:04,712 --> 00:41:06,964 Do you think this scene should have been cut? 434 00:41:07,048 --> 00:41:09,925 We were so worried when the boys were writing it. 435 00:41:10,009 --> 00:41:13,345 But now we're glad. It's better than some previous scenes, I think. 436 00:41:13,721 --> 00:41:15,222 Ours was better visually. 437 00:41:15,306 --> 00:41:18,058 Ours was committed. It wasn't a string of pussy jokes. 438 00:41:18,143 --> 00:41:20,686 - Get on with it. - Yes. Get on with it! 439 00:41:20,770 --> 00:41:23,397 Get on with it! 440 00:41:23,982 --> 00:41:27,734 - I am enjoying this scene. - Get on with it! 441 00:41:31,990 --> 00:41:33,532 Wicked, wicked Zoot! 442 00:41:35,785 --> 00:41:37,536 She must pay the penalty. 443 00:41:37,745 --> 00:41:42,541 In Castle Anthrax, we have one punishment for setting alight the Grail-shaped beacon. 444 00:41:43,168 --> 00:41:46,086 You must tie her down on a bed, and spank her. 445 00:41:46,296 --> 00:41:48,422 A spanking! A spanking! 446 00:41:48,590 --> 00:41:52,509 You must spank her, and after you've spanked her, deal with her as you like. 447 00:41:52,594 --> 00:41:54,887 - And, then, spank me. - And me! 448 00:41:54,971 --> 00:41:56,096 - And me. - And me. 449 00:41:56,181 --> 00:41:58,682 Yes. You must give us all a good spanking! 450 00:41:58,766 --> 00:42:00,309 A spanking! 451 00:42:02,520 --> 00:42:07,441 - And, after the spanking, the oral sex. - The oral sex! 452 00:42:08,401 --> 00:42:10,485 Well, I could stay a bit longer. 453 00:42:10,612 --> 00:42:12,738 - Sir Galahad! - Hello. 454 00:42:12,822 --> 00:42:15,240 - Quick! You are in great peril. - Why? 455 00:42:15,325 --> 00:42:17,659 - No, he isn't! - Silence, foul temptress! 456 00:42:17,744 --> 00:42:20,037 - She's got a point. - We'll cover your escape! 457 00:42:20,121 --> 00:42:22,873 - Look, I'm fine! - Wait, Sir Galahad! 458 00:42:22,957 --> 00:42:27,211 - I can tackle this lot single-handed! - Yes, let him tackle us single-handed! 459 00:42:28,254 --> 00:42:29,713 No, Sir Galahad. Come! 460 00:42:29,797 --> 00:42:32,132 Honestly, I can handle this lot easily! 461 00:42:32,217 --> 00:42:34,843 - Yes, let him handle us easily. - Go! Quick! 462 00:42:34,928 --> 00:42:38,388 Wait! Please! I can defeat them! There's only 150 of them! 463 00:42:38,723 --> 00:42:41,516 He'll beat us easily. We haven't a chance. 464 00:42:45,647 --> 00:42:46,897 Oh, shit! 465 00:42:47,315 --> 00:42:50,025 - You were in great peril. - I don't think I was. 466 00:42:50,151 --> 00:42:51,610 You were in terrible peril. 467 00:42:51,694 --> 00:42:54,905 - Let me go back, and face the peril. - No, it's too perilous. 468 00:42:54,989 --> 00:42:57,282 It's my duty to sample as much peril as I can. 469 00:42:57,367 --> 00:42:59,117 We've got to find the Holy Grail. 470 00:42:59,202 --> 00:43:01,954 - Let me have just a bit of peril? - No. It's unhealthy. 471 00:43:02,038 --> 00:43:04,081 - I bet you're gay. - No, I'm not. 472 00:43:05,667 --> 00:43:09,378 Sir Lancelot had saved Sir Galahad from almost certain temptation. 473 00:43:09,671 --> 00:43:12,214 But, they were still no nearer the Grail. 474 00:43:12,507 --> 00:43:16,176 King Arthur and Sir Bedevere, not more than a swallow's flight away, 475 00:43:16,261 --> 00:43:18,178 had discovered something. 476 00:43:19,222 --> 00:43:21,765 That's an unladen swallow's flight, obviously. 477 00:43:21,849 --> 00:43:24,309 They were more than two laden swallow's flights away. 478 00:43:24,394 --> 00:43:26,645 Four, with a coconut on a line between them. 479 00:43:26,729 --> 00:43:28,355 If the birds were... 480 00:43:28,439 --> 00:43:30,357 Get on with it! 481 00:43:30,441 --> 00:43:31,441 Oh, anyway, 482 00:43:31,526 --> 00:43:35,028 on to Scene 24, which is a smashing scene, with some lovely acting, 483 00:43:35,113 --> 00:43:37,281 in which Arthur discovers a vital clue. 484 00:43:37,365 --> 00:43:40,284 There aren't any swallows, but I think you can hear a... 485 00:43:42,203 --> 00:43:46,039 And this enchanter of whom you speak, he has seen the Grail? 486 00:43:51,254 --> 00:43:52,754 Where does he live? 487 00:43:52,964 --> 00:43:54,548 Old man, where does he live? 488 00:43:55,883 --> 00:44:00,762 He knows of a cave. A cave which no man has entered. 489 00:44:01,222 --> 00:44:04,766 - And the Grail. The Grail is there? - There is much danger. 490 00:44:05,393 --> 00:44:09,479 For beyond the cave lies the Gorge of Eternal Peril, 491 00:44:10,023 --> 00:44:12,441 which no man has ever crossed. 492 00:44:12,900 --> 00:44:15,319 But the Grail. Where is the Grail? 493 00:44:15,987 --> 00:44:19,114 Seek you the Bridge of Death. 494 00:44:20,700 --> 00:44:23,410 The Bridge of Death? Which leads to the Grail? 495 00:45:08,915 --> 00:45:13,710 - Who are you? - We are the knights who say "Ni"! 496 00:45:13,795 --> 00:45:16,338 - No! Not the knights who say "Ni"? - The same! 497 00:45:16,422 --> 00:45:20,175 - Who are they? - We are the keepers of the sacred words. 498 00:45:20,718 --> 00:45:24,054 "Ni," "Peng," and "Neee Wom"! 499 00:45:24,889 --> 00:45:27,391 Those who hear them seldom live to tell the tale. 500 00:45:27,475 --> 00:45:31,853 The knights who say "Ni" demand a sacrifice. 501 00:45:31,938 --> 00:45:34,481 Knights of Ni, we are but simple travelers 502 00:45:34,565 --> 00:45:37,275 who seek the enchanter who lives beyond these woods. 503 00:45:37,360 --> 00:45:38,527 Ni! Ni! 504 00:45:44,492 --> 00:45:49,037 We shall say "Ni" again to you, if you do not appease us. 505 00:45:49,664 --> 00:45:51,998 - What is it you want? - We want 506 00:45:53,960 --> 00:45:55,710 a shrubbery. 507 00:45:56,587 --> 00:45:57,629 A what? 508 00:45:57,713 --> 00:46:01,842 - Ni! Ni! - Please! No more! 509 00:46:01,926 --> 00:46:05,679 - We will find you a shrubbery. - You must return with a shrubbery, 510 00:46:05,763 --> 00:46:09,141 or else you will never pass through this wood 511 00:46:09,642 --> 00:46:11,059 alive. 512 00:46:11,352 --> 00:46:13,770 Knights of Ni, you are just and fair. 513 00:46:13,855 --> 00:46:16,731 - We will return with a shrubbery. - One that looks nice. 514 00:46:16,816 --> 00:46:18,775 - Of course. - And not too expensive. 515 00:46:18,860 --> 00:46:22,154 - Yes. - Now go! 516 00:47:05,990 --> 00:47:08,283 Stop that! Stop that! 517 00:47:08,451 --> 00:47:11,286 Go on, clear off! Go away. 518 00:47:14,457 --> 00:47:15,916 And you, clear off! 519 00:47:21,380 --> 00:47:22,422 Bloody weather. 520 00:47:23,007 --> 00:47:24,925 The tale of Sir Lancelot. 521 00:47:31,682 --> 00:47:34,601 One day, lad, all this will be yours. 522 00:47:34,727 --> 00:47:37,229 - What, the curtains? - No, not the curtains. 523 00:47:37,313 --> 00:47:41,775 All that you can see, stretched out over the hills and valleys. 524 00:47:41,859 --> 00:47:43,693 That'll be your kingdom, lad. 525 00:47:43,778 --> 00:47:45,529 - But, Mother. - Father, lad. 526 00:47:45,696 --> 00:47:49,324 - But, Father, I don't want any of that. - Listen, lad. 527 00:47:49,450 --> 00:47:54,329 I built this kingdom up from nothing. When I started here, it was a swamp. 528 00:47:54,830 --> 00:47:57,874 Other kings said I was daft to build a castle on the swamp. 529 00:47:57,959 --> 00:48:01,086 But I built it all the same to show them. 530 00:48:01,587 --> 00:48:03,380 It sank into the swamp. 531 00:48:03,464 --> 00:48:06,299 So, I built a second one. That sank into the swamp. 532 00:48:06,384 --> 00:48:10,220 So, I built a third one. That burned down, fell over, then sank in the swamp. 533 00:48:10,304 --> 00:48:12,305 But the fourth one stayed up. 534 00:48:13,140 --> 00:48:15,225 And that's what you'll get, lad. 535 00:48:15,309 --> 00:48:20,063 - The strongest castle in these isles. - But I don't want any of that. 536 00:48:20,648 --> 00:48:22,440 - I'd rather... - Rather what? 537 00:48:22,650 --> 00:48:24,651 I'd rather just 538 00:48:25,778 --> 00:48:28,655 - sing. - Stop that. 539 00:48:28,739 --> 00:48:31,491 You're not going into a song while I'm here! 540 00:48:31,617 --> 00:48:33,910 In 20 minutes, you're marrying a girl 541 00:48:33,995 --> 00:48:37,998 whose father owns the biggest tracts of open land in Britain. 542 00:48:38,165 --> 00:48:40,917 - But I don't want land. - Listen, Alice. 543 00:48:41,002 --> 00:48:42,586 - Herbert. - Herbert. 544 00:48:42,670 --> 00:48:46,089 We live on a bloody swamp, we need all the land we can get. 545 00:48:46,674 --> 00:48:49,509 - But I don't like her. - Don't like her? 546 00:48:50,303 --> 00:48:51,761 What's wrong with her? 547 00:48:51,846 --> 00:48:56,141 She's beautiful, she's rich. She's got huge 548 00:48:56,851 --> 00:48:58,268 tracts of land. 549 00:48:59,353 --> 00:49:04,232 I know, but I want the girl that I marry to have 550 00:49:05,192 --> 00:49:08,653 a certain special something. 551 00:49:09,447 --> 00:49:11,698 Cut that out! 552 00:49:13,034 --> 00:49:17,537 You're marrying Princess Lucky, so you'd better get used to the idea! 553 00:49:18,873 --> 00:49:19,956 Guards! 554 00:49:20,374 --> 00:49:23,627 Make sure the Prince doesn't leave the room until I get him. 555 00:49:23,711 --> 00:49:26,713 Not to leave the room, even if you come and get him. 556 00:49:26,797 --> 00:49:28,840 No. Until I come and get him. 557 00:49:29,175 --> 00:49:32,385 Until you come and get him, we're not to enter the room. 558 00:49:32,511 --> 00:49:37,349 No, you stay in the room and make sure he doesn't leave. 559 00:49:37,642 --> 00:49:40,143 - And you'll come and get him. - Right. 560 00:49:40,227 --> 00:49:43,897 We don't need to do anything, apart from stop him entering the room. 561 00:49:44,190 --> 00:49:47,317 - No. Leaving the room. - Leaving the room, yes. 562 00:49:47,568 --> 00:49:49,653 - All right? - Right. If... 563 00:49:49,737 --> 00:49:52,113 - lf we're... - Yes? 564 00:49:53,783 --> 00:49:55,992 Look, it's quite simple. 565 00:49:56,077 --> 00:50:00,288 You stay here and make sure he doesn't leave the room. 566 00:50:01,457 --> 00:50:03,583 - All right? - I remember. 567 00:50:03,751 --> 00:50:06,086 Can he leave the room with us? 568 00:50:06,545 --> 00:50:10,340 No, you just keep him in here, and make sure... 569 00:50:10,424 --> 00:50:12,717 Yes! We'll keep him in here, obviously. 570 00:50:12,802 --> 00:50:15,970 - But if he had to leave... - No. Keep him in here! 571 00:50:16,097 --> 00:50:18,807 - Until you, or anyone... - Not anyone, just me. 572 00:50:18,933 --> 00:50:21,267 - Just you... - Get back. 573 00:50:21,602 --> 00:50:22,644 - Right? - Right. 574 00:50:22,728 --> 00:50:24,688 We'll stay here until you get back. 575 00:50:24,772 --> 00:50:27,607 - And make sure he doesn't leave. - What? 576 00:50:28,943 --> 00:50:31,986 - Make sure he doesn't leave. - The Prince? 577 00:50:32,113 --> 00:50:35,407 - Yes, make sure he doesn't leave. - Yes, of course! 578 00:50:35,491 --> 00:50:37,158 I thought you meant him! 579 00:50:37,243 --> 00:50:40,912 It seemed a bit daft me having to guard him when he's a guard. 580 00:50:41,330 --> 00:50:44,124 - Is that clear? - Quite clear. No problems. 581 00:50:44,291 --> 00:50:45,333 Right. 582 00:50:47,586 --> 00:50:50,171 - Where are you going? - We're coming with you. 583 00:50:50,297 --> 00:50:54,426 No, I want you to stay here, and make sure he doesn't leave. 584 00:50:54,927 --> 00:50:56,136 I see, right. 585 00:50:56,971 --> 00:51:00,640 - But, Father... - Shut it, and get that suit on. 586 00:51:08,357 --> 00:51:10,316 And no singing! 587 00:51:10,693 --> 00:51:12,652 Go and get a glass of water. 588 00:52:01,368 --> 00:52:03,953 - Well taken, Concorde! - Thank you, sir, most kind. 589 00:52:04,038 --> 00:52:05,538 And again! 590 00:52:05,873 --> 00:52:08,958 Over we go! Good, steady! 591 00:52:09,043 --> 00:52:11,252 Now, the big one! 592 00:52:12,087 --> 00:52:14,130 Come on, Concorde! 593 00:52:15,257 --> 00:52:17,383 Message for you, sir. 594 00:52:19,929 --> 00:52:21,805 Concorde, speak to me! 595 00:52:31,482 --> 00:52:33,149 "To whoever finds this note. 596 00:52:33,234 --> 00:52:37,320 "I have been imprisoned by my father, 597 00:52:37,738 --> 00:52:40,323 "who wishes me to marry against my will. 598 00:52:40,407 --> 00:52:42,951 "Please, please come and rescue me. 599 00:52:43,452 --> 00:52:46,913 "I am in the tall tower of Swamp Castle." 600 00:52:46,997 --> 00:52:50,291 At last! A call! A cry of distress! 601 00:52:50,417 --> 00:52:53,586 This could be the sign that leads us to the Holy Grail! 602 00:52:53,671 --> 00:52:58,258 Brave Concorde, you shall not have died in vain! 603 00:52:58,592 --> 00:53:00,301 I'm not quite dead, sir. 604 00:53:02,429 --> 00:53:05,014 You shall not have been mortally wounded in vain! 605 00:53:05,099 --> 00:53:07,433 I think I could pull through, sir. 606 00:53:08,435 --> 00:53:10,937 - I see. - I think I'm all right to come with you. 607 00:53:11,021 --> 00:53:12,772 No, sweet Concorde! Stay here. 608 00:53:12,857 --> 00:53:16,025 I will send help as soon as I have accomplished a daring and 609 00:53:16,110 --> 00:53:18,862 heroic rescue in my own particular... 610 00:53:22,157 --> 00:53:23,950 - Idiom, sir? - Idiom! 611 00:53:24,118 --> 00:53:27,495 - No, I feel fine, actually, sir. - Farewell, sweet Concorde! 612 00:53:28,497 --> 00:53:31,666 I'll just stay here, shall I, sir? 613 00:53:33,711 --> 00:53:34,836 Yeah. 614 00:54:14,001 --> 00:54:15,335 - Morning. - Morning. 615 00:55:00,214 --> 00:55:01,214 Hey! 616 00:55:52,599 --> 00:55:54,934 You're not allowed to enter the room... 617 00:55:56,979 --> 00:55:59,981 Fair one, behold your humble servant, Sir Lancelot of Camelot. 618 00:56:00,065 --> 00:56:03,985 - I have come to take... I'm terribly sorry. - You got my note! 619 00:56:04,319 --> 00:56:08,197 - I got a note. - You've come to rescue me? 620 00:56:08,615 --> 00:56:11,409 - Well, no, you see... - I knew someone would. 621 00:56:11,702 --> 00:56:16,330 I knew that somewhere out there, there must be someone... 622 00:56:17,124 --> 00:56:19,333 Stop that! Stop it! 623 00:56:20,878 --> 00:56:21,878 Who are you? 624 00:56:21,962 --> 00:56:23,588 - I'm your son. - No, not you. 625 00:56:23,672 --> 00:56:26,883 - I'm Sir Lancelot, sir. - He's come to rescue me, Father. 626 00:56:26,967 --> 00:56:31,179 - Let's not jump to conclusions. - Did you kill all those guards? 627 00:56:31,305 --> 00:56:33,097 Yes. Sorry. 628 00:56:33,182 --> 00:56:35,641 - They cost 50 pounds each. - I'm awfully sorry. 629 00:56:35,726 --> 00:56:39,812 Don't be afraid of him, Sir Lancelot. I've got a rope ready. 630 00:56:40,564 --> 00:56:42,940 You killed eight wedding guests and all! 631 00:56:43,108 --> 00:56:45,443 Well, you see, I thought your son was a lady. 632 00:56:45,527 --> 00:56:46,861 I can understand that. 633 00:56:46,945 --> 00:56:49,280 - Hurry, Sir Lancelot! Hurry! - Shut up! 634 00:56:49,364 --> 00:56:52,784 - You only killed the bride's father! - I didn't mean to. 635 00:56:52,868 --> 00:56:55,620 Didn't mean to? You put your sword through his head! 636 00:56:55,704 --> 00:56:58,706 - Oh dear, is he all right? - You kicked the bride in the chest! 637 00:56:58,791 --> 00:57:01,292 - It's going to cost me a fortune! - I can explain. 638 00:57:01,376 --> 00:57:05,171 I was in the forest, riding north from Camelot, when I got this note. 639 00:57:05,255 --> 00:57:07,882 - Are you from Camelot? - Hurry, Sir Lancelot! 640 00:57:08,008 --> 00:57:10,093 I'm a knight of King Arthur, sir. 641 00:57:10,177 --> 00:57:13,179 Very nice castle, Camelot. Very good pig country. 642 00:57:13,931 --> 00:57:16,974 - Is it? - I am ready! 643 00:57:17,059 --> 00:57:20,812 - Would you like to come have a drink? - That's awfully nice of you. 644 00:57:21,146 --> 00:57:24,315 - I am ready! - I mean, to be so understanding. 645 00:57:24,399 --> 00:57:28,319 You see, when I'm in this idiom, I sometimes get a bit carried away. 646 00:57:34,993 --> 00:57:38,454 Now, this is the main hall. We'll have all this knocked through... 647 00:57:38,539 --> 00:57:42,041 - There he is! - Bloody hell. 648 00:57:51,635 --> 00:57:55,388 - Hold it, please! - See what I mean? I get carried away. 649 00:57:55,472 --> 00:57:58,391 I'm really most awfully sorry. Sorry, everyone. 650 00:57:58,475 --> 00:57:59,892 He's killed the best man! 651 00:58:01,436 --> 00:58:05,940 Hold it, please, hold it. This is Sir Lancelot 652 00:58:06,024 --> 00:58:11,028 from the Court of Camelot, a brave and influential knight. 653 00:58:11,780 --> 00:58:14,657 - And my special guest here today. - Hello. 654 00:58:14,741 --> 00:58:16,367 He killed my auntie! 655 00:58:17,119 --> 00:58:21,747 No, please! This is supposed to be a happy occasion! 656 00:58:21,874 --> 00:58:25,793 Let's not bicker and argue about who killed who. 657 00:58:26,587 --> 00:58:31,090 We are here today to witness the union of two young people 658 00:58:31,216 --> 00:58:33,551 in the joyful bond of holy wedlock. 659 00:58:35,137 --> 00:58:38,931 Unfortunately, one of them, my son Herbert, 660 00:58:39,725 --> 00:58:41,767 has just fallen to his death. 661 00:58:42,603 --> 00:58:46,105 But I don't want to think I've lost a son, so much as 662 00:58:46,607 --> 00:58:48,274 gained a daughter. 663 00:58:48,984 --> 00:58:52,236 For, since the tragic death of her father... 664 00:58:52,321 --> 00:58:54,447 He's not quite dead! 665 00:58:55,782 --> 00:58:58,826 Since the near fatal wounding of her father... 666 00:58:58,952 --> 00:59:00,703 He's getting better! 667 00:59:02,623 --> 00:59:05,958 For, since her own father 668 00:59:06,084 --> 00:59:09,420 who, when he seemed about to recover, 669 00:59:09,838 --> 00:59:13,299 suddenly felt the icy hand of death upon him. 670 00:59:14,259 --> 00:59:15,426 He's died! 671 00:59:15,928 --> 00:59:19,555 I want his only daughter to look upon me 672 00:59:19,640 --> 00:59:24,143 as her own dad, in a very real, and legally binding sense. 673 00:59:25,979 --> 00:59:30,650 And I feel sure that the merger, the union between the Princess 674 00:59:31,360 --> 00:59:35,112 and the brave but dangerous Sir Lancelot of Camelot... 675 00:59:35,530 --> 00:59:38,658 - What? - Look, the dead Prince! 676 00:59:41,328 --> 00:59:44,830 - He's not quite dead! - I feel much better. 677 00:59:44,957 --> 00:59:47,833 You fell out of the tall tower, you creep! 678 00:59:48,126 --> 00:59:51,879 - No, I was saved at the last minute. - How? 679 00:59:52,172 --> 00:59:53,839 I'll tell you. 680 00:59:55,175 --> 00:59:57,677 Not like that! Not like that. 681 00:59:57,803 --> 01:00:01,514 He's going to tell He's going to tell 682 01:00:05,894 --> 01:00:07,812 Quickly, sir, come this way! 683 01:00:07,896 --> 01:00:11,816 No, it's not right for my idiom. I must escape more... 684 01:00:13,694 --> 01:00:16,862 - Dramatically, sir? - Dramatically. 685 01:00:29,042 --> 01:00:31,836 Excuse me, could somebody give me a push, please? 686 01:00:47,602 --> 01:00:49,270 Old crone! 687 01:00:50,897 --> 01:00:54,400 Is there anywhere in this town where we could buy a shrubbery? 688 01:00:55,235 --> 01:00:58,738 - Who sent you? - The knights who say "Ni"! 689 01:00:58,905 --> 01:01:01,699 No! We have no shrubberies here. 690 01:01:01,783 --> 01:01:05,911 If you do not tell us where we can buy a shrubbery, my friend and I 691 01:01:06,288 --> 01:01:07,580 will say... 692 01:01:08,749 --> 01:01:11,584 We will say "Ni." 693 01:01:12,210 --> 01:01:13,502 Do your worst! 694 01:01:13,587 --> 01:01:17,757 Very well. If you will not assist us voluntarily... 695 01:01:21,428 --> 01:01:22,595 - Ni! - No! 696 01:01:23,388 --> 01:01:25,639 Never. No shrubberies. 697 01:01:25,974 --> 01:01:27,725 - Ni! - Noo! 698 01:01:27,976 --> 01:01:30,269 No, it's not that, it's "Ni." 699 01:01:31,104 --> 01:01:33,481 No, you're not doing it properly. 700 01:01:33,607 --> 01:01:35,107 - Ni. - You've got it. 701 01:01:35,233 --> 01:01:38,194 - Ni! - Ni! 702 01:01:38,278 --> 01:01:41,405 Are you saying "Ni" to that old woman? 703 01:01:42,616 --> 01:01:43,699 Yes. 704 01:01:43,784 --> 01:01:48,704 What sad times are these when passing ruffians can say "Ni" at will to old ladies. 705 01:01:49,289 --> 01:01:52,458 There is a pestilence upon this land. Nothing is sacred. 706 01:01:52,793 --> 01:01:56,587 Even those who arrange shrubberies are under considerable economic stress 707 01:01:56,671 --> 01:01:58,672 at this period in history. 708 01:01:58,799 --> 01:02:01,467 - Did you say "shrubberies"? - Yes. 709 01:02:01,593 --> 01:02:04,595 Shrubberies are my trade. I am a shrubber. 710 01:02:04,679 --> 01:02:09,308 My name is Roger the Shrubber. I arrange, design, and sell shrubberies. 711 01:02:10,102 --> 01:02:12,311 - Ni! - No! 712 01:02:13,313 --> 01:02:16,232 Knights of Ni, we have brought you your shrubbery. 713 01:02:16,316 --> 01:02:18,651 - May we go? - It is a good shrubbery. 714 01:02:18,860 --> 01:02:23,197 I like the laurels particularly. But there is one small problem. 715 01:02:23,782 --> 01:02:24,907 What is that? 716 01:02:24,991 --> 01:02:29,328 We are now no longer the knights who say "Ni." 717 01:02:30,288 --> 01:02:32,248 We are now the knights who say, 718 01:02:32,332 --> 01:02:35,835 "Ekke Ekke Ekke Ptang Zoo Boing"! 719 01:02:36,753 --> 01:02:38,879 Therefore, we must give you a test. 720 01:02:38,964 --> 01:02:42,550 What is this test, knights who until recently said "Ni"? 721 01:02:43,301 --> 01:02:45,469 Firstly, you must find 722 01:02:46,179 --> 01:02:47,888 another shrubbery! 723 01:02:49,057 --> 01:02:51,517 Not another shrubbery! 724 01:02:51,643 --> 01:02:55,354 Then you must bring it here beside this shrubbery. 725 01:02:55,564 --> 01:02:59,108 Higher, so you get the two-level effect with a path going down the middle. 726 01:02:59,192 --> 01:03:01,235 A path! A path! 727 01:03:01,361 --> 01:03:04,488 Then, when you have found the shrubberies, 728 01:03:04,865 --> 01:03:08,159 you must cut down the mightiest tree in the forest 729 01:03:08,869 --> 01:03:12,037 with a herring! 730 01:03:13,331 --> 01:03:16,000 - We shall do no such thing. - Please. 731 01:03:16,376 --> 01:03:19,545 Cut down a tree with a herring? It can't be done. 732 01:03:21,256 --> 01:03:23,132 - Don't say that word. - What word? 733 01:03:23,216 --> 01:03:25,217 I cannot tell. Suffice to say, 734 01:03:25,343 --> 01:03:28,012 it's one of the words the knights of Ni cannot hear. 735 01:03:28,096 --> 01:03:31,015 How can we not say the word if you don't tell us what it is? 736 01:03:31,099 --> 01:03:33,225 - He did it again. - What? "Is"? 737 01:03:33,643 --> 01:03:37,855 No, not "is"! You wouldn't get very far in life not saying "is." 738 01:03:37,939 --> 01:03:39,440 My liege, it's Robin. 739 01:03:39,566 --> 01:03:43,944 He's jacking it in and packing it up And sneaking away and buggering off 740 01:03:44,070 --> 01:03:48,657 And chickening out and pissing a pot Yes, bravely he is throwing in the sponge 741 01:03:48,742 --> 01:03:49,992 - Robin. - My liege. 742 01:03:50,076 --> 01:03:51,660 - It's good to see you. - Now he's said the word! 743 01:03:51,745 --> 01:03:54,330 You haven't given up your quest for the Holy Grail? 744 01:03:54,414 --> 01:03:55,748 He is sneaking away and... 745 01:03:55,832 --> 01:03:56,916 Shut up! 746 01:03:57,417 --> 01:03:59,919 - No, far from it. - You said the word again. 747 01:04:00,003 --> 01:04:04,590 I was looking for it here in this forest. 748 01:04:04,758 --> 01:04:09,094 - No, it is far from this place. - Stop saying the word! 749 01:04:09,221 --> 01:04:11,680 - The word we cannot hear! - Stop it! 750 01:04:11,848 --> 01:04:13,849 - He said "it" again! - That's it! 751 01:04:13,934 --> 01:04:16,936 I've said "it." I've said "it." I've said "it" again! 752 01:04:17,062 --> 01:04:19,271 That's three "its"! 753 01:04:25,445 --> 01:04:29,949 And so Arthur and Bedevere and Sir Robin set out on their search to find 754 01:04:30,033 --> 01:04:33,953 the enchanter of whom the old man had spoken in Scene 24. 755 01:04:35,455 --> 01:04:38,290 Beyond the forest they met Lancelot and Galahad, 756 01:04:38,416 --> 01:04:40,793 and there was much rejoicing. 757 01:04:52,305 --> 01:04:54,557 In the frozen land of Nador, 758 01:04:54,641 --> 01:04:57,434 they were forced to eat Robin's minstrels. 759 01:04:58,103 --> 01:05:00,354 And there was much rejoicing. 760 01:05:01,982 --> 01:05:03,649 A year passed. 761 01:05:07,487 --> 01:05:09,947 Winter changed into spring. 762 01:05:10,490 --> 01:05:12,616 Spring changed into summer. 763 01:05:13,159 --> 01:05:15,578 Summer changed back into winter, 764 01:05:15,662 --> 01:05:20,207 and winter gave spring and summer a miss and went straight on into autumn. 765 01:05:21,501 --> 01:05:22,751 Until one day. 766 01:05:44,983 --> 01:05:46,317 Knights, 767 01:05:47,527 --> 01:05:48,819 forward! 768 01:06:25,857 --> 01:06:28,442 What manner of man are you that can summon up fire 769 01:06:28,526 --> 01:06:32,946 - without flint or tinder? - I am an enchanter. 770 01:06:35,992 --> 01:06:39,828 - By what name are you known? - There are some who call me... 771 01:06:41,915 --> 01:06:44,583 - Tim. - Greetings, Tim the enchanter! 772 01:06:44,709 --> 01:06:47,086 Greetings, King Arthur. 773 01:06:47,921 --> 01:06:49,588 - You know my name? - I do. 774 01:06:57,597 --> 01:07:00,349 You seek the Holy Grail. 775 01:07:00,934 --> 01:07:04,019 That is our quest. You know much that is hidden, Tim. 776 01:07:04,104 --> 01:07:05,354 Quite. 777 01:07:13,613 --> 01:07:16,031 Yes, we are looking for the Holy Grail. 778 01:07:16,282 --> 01:07:20,202 - Our quest is to find the Holy Grail. - Yes, it is. 779 01:07:23,415 --> 01:07:26,625 - And so we're looking for it. - Yes, we are. 780 01:07:26,751 --> 01:07:29,586 - We have been for some time. - Ages. 781 01:07:32,215 --> 01:07:36,635 So, anything you could do to help would be 782 01:07:39,097 --> 01:07:40,222 very 783 01:07:41,474 --> 01:07:44,309 - helpful. - Look, can you tell us where... 784 01:07:48,148 --> 01:07:51,150 Fine, I don't want to waste any more of your time, 785 01:07:51,276 --> 01:07:55,154 but I don't suppose you could tell us where we might find a... 786 01:07:58,283 --> 01:07:59,908 A what? 787 01:08:02,078 --> 01:08:03,662 A grail? 788 01:08:03,747 --> 01:08:05,914 Yes, I think so. 789 01:08:06,458 --> 01:08:07,499 Yes. 790 01:08:08,668 --> 01:08:09,835 Yes! 791 01:08:12,005 --> 01:08:14,840 - Thank you. - Splendid! 792 01:08:18,678 --> 01:08:21,263 Look, you're a busy man... 793 01:08:21,347 --> 01:08:26,018 Yes, I can help you find the Holy Grail. 794 01:08:26,478 --> 01:08:31,273 To the north, there lies a cave. The Cave of Caerbannog. 795 01:08:31,357 --> 01:08:35,694 Wherein, carved in mystic runes, upon the very living rock, 796 01:08:36,154 --> 01:08:39,490 the last words of Olfin Bedwere of Rheged 797 01:08:41,618 --> 01:08:46,538 make plain the last resting place of the most Holy Grail. 798 01:08:47,457 --> 01:08:50,542 - Where could we find this cave, Tim? - Follow! 799 01:08:52,045 --> 01:08:56,131 But follow only if ye be men of valor. 800 01:08:56,549 --> 01:09:00,010 For the entrance to this cave is guarded by a creature 801 01:09:00,512 --> 01:09:03,722 so foul, so cruel, 802 01:09:03,848 --> 01:09:07,059 that no man yet has fought with it and lived. 803 01:09:08,645 --> 01:09:13,649 Bones of full 50 men lie strewn about its lair. 804 01:09:14,192 --> 01:09:18,570 So, brave knights, if you do doubt your courage 805 01:09:19,072 --> 01:09:21,907 or your strength, come no further, 806 01:09:22,242 --> 01:09:27,204 for death awaits you all with nasty, big, pointy teeth. 807 01:09:29,666 --> 01:09:31,542 What an eccentric performance! 808 01:09:45,098 --> 01:09:46,515 They're nervous, sire. 809 01:09:46,599 --> 01:09:49,184 Then we'd best leave them here and carry on, on foot. 810 01:09:49,269 --> 01:09:50,769 Dismount! 811 01:10:03,908 --> 01:10:07,911 Behold the Cave of Caerbannog! 812 01:10:10,331 --> 01:10:13,458 - Right, keep me covered. - What with? 813 01:10:14,210 --> 01:10:16,587 - Just keep me covered. - Too late. 814 01:10:17,922 --> 01:10:19,089 There he is! 815 01:10:22,176 --> 01:10:24,344 - Where? - There. 816 01:10:25,388 --> 01:10:28,432 - What, behind the rabbit? - It is the rabbit. 817 01:10:30,560 --> 01:10:33,020 - You silly sod! - What? 818 01:10:33,104 --> 01:10:34,563 You got us all worked up. 819 01:10:34,647 --> 01:10:36,356 That's no ordinary rabbit. 820 01:10:36,441 --> 01:10:41,403 That's the most foul, cruel and bad-tempered rodent you ever set eyes on. 821 01:10:41,571 --> 01:10:45,198 You tit! I soiled my armor I was so scared! 822 01:10:45,325 --> 01:10:48,827 Look, that rabbit's got a vicious streak a mile wide. 823 01:10:48,912 --> 01:10:50,913 - It's a killer! - Get stuffed. 824 01:10:50,997 --> 01:10:53,332 - He'll do you up a treat, mate! - Yeah? 825 01:10:53,416 --> 01:10:55,959 - You manky Scots git! - I'm warning you. 826 01:10:56,044 --> 01:10:59,713 - What's he do? Nibble your bum? - He's got huge, sharp... 827 01:11:00,757 --> 01:11:02,507 It can leap about... 828 01:11:02,967 --> 01:11:06,386 - Look at the bones! - Go on, Bors, chop its head off. 829 01:11:06,512 --> 01:11:10,223 Right. Silly little bleeder. One rabbit stew coming right up. 830 01:11:12,602 --> 01:11:14,061 Look! 831 01:11:16,940 --> 01:11:20,108 - Jesus Christ! - I warned you! 832 01:11:20,193 --> 01:11:22,277 - I've done it again. - I warned you. 833 01:11:22,362 --> 01:11:25,697 But did you listen to me? No, you knew it all, didn't you? 834 01:11:25,865 --> 01:11:30,410 It's just a harmless little bunny, isn't it? Well, it's always the same. 835 01:11:30,495 --> 01:11:33,121 - I always... - Shut up! 836 01:11:34,582 --> 01:11:36,416 Charge! 837 01:11:53,101 --> 01:11:55,560 Run away! 838 01:12:04,946 --> 01:12:06,989 - How many did we lose? - Gawain. 839 01:12:07,073 --> 01:12:09,116 - Ector. - And Bors. That's five. 840 01:12:09,200 --> 01:12:11,159 - Three. - Three. 841 01:12:11,536 --> 01:12:15,205 We better not risk another frontal assault, that rabbit's dynamite. 842 01:12:15,289 --> 01:12:17,916 Would it help to confuse it if we run away more? 843 01:12:18,001 --> 01:12:21,378 - Shut up and change your armor. - Let us taunt it. 844 01:12:21,462 --> 01:12:24,256 It may become so cross that it will make a mistake. 845 01:12:24,340 --> 01:12:25,465 Like what? 846 01:12:26,759 --> 01:12:27,801 Well... 847 01:12:30,972 --> 01:12:32,931 - Have we got bows? - No. 848 01:12:33,016 --> 01:12:35,392 - We have the Holy Hand Grenade. - Yes, of course! 849 01:12:35,476 --> 01:12:37,227 The Holy Hand Grenade of Antioch. 850 01:12:37,311 --> 01:12:40,147 It's one of the sacred relics Brother Maynard carries. 851 01:12:40,231 --> 01:12:43,316 Brother Maynard! Bring up the Holy Hand Grenade. 852 01:13:14,807 --> 01:13:16,099 How does it... 853 01:13:16,809 --> 01:13:17,976 How does it work? 854 01:13:18,061 --> 01:13:20,896 - I know not, my liege. - Consult the Book of Armaments. 855 01:13:20,980 --> 01:13:24,775 Armaments 2: 9-21. 856 01:13:28,112 --> 01:13:32,032 "And St. Attila raised the hand grenade up on high, saying, 857 01:13:32,742 --> 01:13:36,870 "'O Lord, bless this thy hand grenade, that with it thou mayest 858 01:13:36,954 --> 01:13:40,624 "'blow thine enemies to tiny bits, in thy mercy.' 859 01:13:41,292 --> 01:13:44,377 "And the Lord did grin and the people did feast upon 860 01:13:44,462 --> 01:13:49,424 "the lambs and sloths and carp and anchovies and orangutans 861 01:13:49,967 --> 01:13:52,385 "and breakfast cereals and fruit bats and..." 862 01:13:52,470 --> 01:13:53,970 Skip a bit, Brother. 863 01:13:55,765 --> 01:14:00,519 "The Lord spake, saying, 'First shalt thou take out the Holy Pin, 864 01:14:01,354 --> 01:14:05,774 "'then shalt thou count to three, no more, no less. 865 01:14:06,692 --> 01:14:09,361 "'Three shalt be the number thou shalt count, 866 01:14:09,445 --> 01:14:12,447 "'and the number of the counting shalt be three. 867 01:14:13,032 --> 01:14:16,660 "'Four shalt thou not count, neither count thou two, 868 01:14:17,203 --> 01:14:19,871 "'excepting that thou then proceed to three. 869 01:14:21,207 --> 01:14:23,542 "'Five is right out. 870 01:14:24,710 --> 01:14:28,213 "'Once the number three, being the third number be reached, 871 01:14:28,631 --> 01:14:31,883 "'then lobbest thou thy Holy Hand Grenade of Antioch 872 01:14:32,009 --> 01:14:35,720 "'towards thy foe, who, being naughty in my sight, 873 01:14:36,389 --> 01:14:38,056 "'shall snuff it."' 874 01:14:38,724 --> 01:14:41,143 Amen. 875 01:14:41,227 --> 01:14:42,310 Right. 876 01:14:42,979 --> 01:14:45,230 One, two, five! 877 01:14:45,314 --> 01:14:47,190 - Three, sir! - Three! 878 01:15:33,154 --> 01:15:34,654 There! Look! 879 01:15:35,573 --> 01:15:37,949 - What does it say? - What language is that? 880 01:15:38,034 --> 01:15:40,285 Brother Maynard, you're our scholar. 881 01:15:40,453 --> 01:15:41,995 It is Aramaic! 882 01:15:42,330 --> 01:15:45,207 Of course. Joseph of Arimathea! 883 01:15:45,541 --> 01:15:47,626 - Of course. - What does it say? 884 01:15:47,752 --> 01:15:51,087 It reads, "Here may be found 885 01:15:51,172 --> 01:15:54,799 "the last words of Joseph of Arimathea. 886 01:15:55,509 --> 01:15:58,762 "'He who is valiant and pure of spirit 887 01:15:59,555 --> 01:16:01,765 "'may find the Holy Grail 888 01:16:02,099 --> 01:16:06,394 "'in the Castle of Aaargh."' 889 01:16:08,314 --> 01:16:09,481 What? 890 01:16:10,233 --> 01:16:14,069 "The Castle of Aaargh." 891 01:16:14,737 --> 01:16:15,987 What is that? 892 01:16:16,530 --> 01:16:18,740 He must have died while carving it. 893 01:16:18,824 --> 01:16:21,660 - Come on! - That's what it says. 894 01:16:21,786 --> 01:16:25,372 Look, if he was dying, he wouldn't bother to carve "Aaargh." 895 01:16:25,581 --> 01:16:29,000 - He'd just say it. - That's what's carved in the rock. 896 01:16:29,377 --> 01:16:31,378 - Perhaps he was dictating it. - Shut up! 897 01:16:31,462 --> 01:16:33,755 - Does it say anything else? - No! 898 01:16:33,839 --> 01:16:37,092 Just "Aaargh." 899 01:16:39,053 --> 01:16:41,471 Aaargh. 900 01:16:41,555 --> 01:16:45,308 Do you suppose he meant the Camargue? 901 01:16:45,393 --> 01:16:47,394 - Where's that? - In France, I think. 902 01:16:47,478 --> 01:16:52,274 - Isn't there a St. Aaargh's in Cornwall? - No, that's St. Ives. 903 01:16:52,566 --> 01:16:54,734 St. Ives. 904 01:16:56,904 --> 01:16:59,447 No, "Aaargh." At the back of the throat. 905 01:16:59,532 --> 01:17:02,659 No, "Ooh," in surprise and alarm! 906 01:17:02,910 --> 01:17:05,662 - You mean a sort of an "Ah!" - Yes, that's right. 907 01:17:07,373 --> 01:17:08,373 My God! 908 01:17:11,210 --> 01:17:13,878 It's the legendary Black Beast of... 909 01:17:16,173 --> 01:17:19,134 That's it! Run away! 910 01:17:28,894 --> 01:17:30,395 Keep running. 911 01:17:35,192 --> 01:17:36,484 We've lost him. 912 01:17:38,279 --> 01:17:41,031 As the horrendous Black Beast lunged forward, 913 01:17:41,741 --> 01:17:44,534 escape for Arthur and his knights seemed hopeless. 914 01:17:44,618 --> 01:17:48,621 When, suddenly, the animator suffered a fatal heart attack. 915 01:17:48,956 --> 01:17:51,541 The cartoon peril was no more. 916 01:17:52,335 --> 01:17:55,211 The quest for the Holy Grail could continue. 917 01:18:07,350 --> 01:18:08,975 There it is! 918 01:18:09,226 --> 01:18:13,438 - The Bridge of Death. - Great. 919 01:18:13,606 --> 01:18:16,566 Look! There's the old man from Scene 24. 920 01:18:16,650 --> 01:18:20,403 - What's he doing here? - He is the keeper of the Bridge of Death. 921 01:18:20,905 --> 01:18:23,239 He asks each traveler five questions. 922 01:18:23,324 --> 01:18:25,283 - Three questions. - Three questions. 923 01:18:25,368 --> 01:18:28,953 - He who answers the five questions... - Three questions. 924 01:18:29,038 --> 01:18:33,500 ...three questions, may cross in safety. - What if you get a question wrong? 925 01:18:33,584 --> 01:18:37,087 Then you are cast into the Gorge of Eternal Peril. 926 01:18:37,338 --> 01:18:40,507 - Oh, wacko. - Who's going to answer the questions? 927 01:18:40,633 --> 01:18:43,468 Brave Sir Robin, you go. 928 01:18:44,220 --> 01:18:46,221 I've got a great idea. 929 01:18:46,847 --> 01:18:48,390 Why doesn't Lancelot go? 930 01:18:48,474 --> 01:18:51,226 Yes, let me go, my liege. I will take him single-handed. 931 01:18:51,310 --> 01:18:54,979 - I shall make a feint to the northeast... - Hang on! 932 01:18:55,189 --> 01:18:57,816 - Just answer the five questions... - Three questions. 933 01:18:57,900 --> 01:19:01,903 ...three questions, as best you can. And we shall watch and pray. 934 01:19:02,113 --> 01:19:03,947 I understand, my liege. 935 01:19:04,198 --> 01:19:07,826 Good luck, brave Sir Lancelot. God be with you. 936 01:19:12,289 --> 01:19:13,331 Stop! 937 01:19:14,917 --> 01:19:19,546 Who would cross the Bridge of Death, must answer me these questions three. 938 01:19:19,713 --> 01:19:21,923 Ere the other side he see. 939 01:19:22,133 --> 01:19:25,135 Ask me the questions, bridgekeeper. I'm not afraid. 940 01:19:25,386 --> 01:19:29,305 - What is your name? - My name is Sir Lancelot of Camelot. 941 01:19:30,057 --> 01:19:31,808 What is your quest? 942 01:19:32,059 --> 01:19:34,102 To seek the Holy Grail. 943 01:19:34,603 --> 01:19:36,729 What is your favorite color? 944 01:19:37,189 --> 01:19:39,441 - Blue. - Right. Off you go. 945 01:19:40,901 --> 01:19:42,819 Well, thank you very much. 946 01:19:47,283 --> 01:19:48,491 That's easy. 947 01:19:51,537 --> 01:19:52,579 Stop. 948 01:19:53,330 --> 01:19:58,001 Who approacheth the Bridge of Death, must answer me these questions three. 949 01:19:58,377 --> 01:20:00,587 Ere the other side he see. 950 01:20:01,422 --> 01:20:04,174 Ask me the questions, bridgekeeper. I'm not afraid. 951 01:20:04,258 --> 01:20:07,886 - What is your name? - Sir Robin of Camelot. 952 01:20:08,345 --> 01:20:11,473 - What is your quest? - To seek the Holy Grail. 953 01:20:11,807 --> 01:20:13,933 What is the capital of Assyria? 954 01:20:16,770 --> 01:20:18,062 I don't know that! 955 01:20:26,822 --> 01:20:27,906 Stop! 956 01:20:28,824 --> 01:20:32,368 - What is your name? - Sir Galahad of Camelot. 957 01:20:32,578 --> 01:20:35,997 - What is your quest? - I seek the Grail. 958 01:20:36,916 --> 01:20:40,001 - What is your favorite color? - Blue. 959 01:20:40,836 --> 01:20:41,878 No! Yellow! 960 01:20:49,345 --> 01:20:50,386 Stop! 961 01:20:50,596 --> 01:20:54,682 - What is your name? - It is Arthur, King of the Britons. 962 01:20:55,100 --> 01:20:58,770 - What is your quest? - To seek the Holy Grail. 963 01:20:59,605 --> 01:21:02,941 What is the air-speed velocity of an unladen swallow? 964 01:21:03,734 --> 01:21:06,611 What do you mean? An African or European swallow? 965 01:21:07,613 --> 01:21:09,113 I don't know that! 966 01:21:15,412 --> 01:21:17,789 How do you know so much about swallows? 967 01:21:17,915 --> 01:21:20,583 You have to know these things when you're a king. 968 01:22:00,457 --> 01:22:19,183 Lancelot! 969 01:24:08,794 --> 01:24:13,131 The Castle Aaargh. Our quest is at an end. 970 01:24:31,817 --> 01:24:33,401 God be praised. 971 01:24:36,989 --> 01:24:38,406 Almighty God, 972 01:24:38,490 --> 01:24:42,410 we thank thee, that thou hast vouchsafed to us the most holy... 973 01:24:44,496 --> 01:24:46,622 Jesus Christ! 974 01:24:47,833 --> 01:24:50,084 Hello, stuffy English knights 975 01:24:50,169 --> 01:24:53,087 and Monsieur Arthur King, who has the brain of a duck, you know. 976 01:24:53,172 --> 01:24:56,215 So, we French fellows outwit you a second time. 977 01:24:56,300 --> 01:24:59,302 How dare you profane this place with your presence? 978 01:24:59,845 --> 01:25:03,765 I command you, in the name of the knights of Camelot, 979 01:25:04,016 --> 01:25:06,976 to open the doors of this sacred castle, 980 01:25:07,186 --> 01:25:10,646 to which God himself has guided us. 981 01:25:10,856 --> 01:25:15,860 How you English say? One more time, I unclog my nose in your direction, 982 01:25:16,153 --> 01:25:17,612 sons of a window-dresser! 983 01:25:17,696 --> 01:25:20,281 So, you think you could out-clever us French folk 984 01:25:20,365 --> 01:25:23,951 with your silly knees-bent, running about, advancing behavior. 985 01:25:24,036 --> 01:25:26,829 I wave my private parts at your aunties. 986 01:25:27,122 --> 01:25:31,709 You cheesy lot of second-hand, electric donkey-bottom biters! 987 01:25:31,794 --> 01:25:33,878 In the name of the Lord, 988 01:25:34,004 --> 01:25:37,715 we demand entrance to this sacred castle! 989 01:25:37,841 --> 01:25:40,635 No chance, English bed-wetting types. 990 01:25:40,719 --> 01:25:44,972 I burst my pimples at you, and call your door-opening request a silly thing! 991 01:25:45,057 --> 01:25:48,476 You tiny-brained wipers of other people's bottoms. 992 01:25:48,560 --> 01:25:52,230 If you'll not open this door, we shall take this castle by force! 993 01:25:54,066 --> 01:25:56,567 In the name of God and the glory of our... 994 01:25:58,237 --> 01:26:00,738 Right! That settles it! 995 01:26:01,573 --> 01:26:04,659 Depart at this time, and don't be approaching any more, 996 01:26:04,743 --> 01:26:09,497 or we fire arrows into your heads, and make castanets out of your testicles. 997 01:26:09,581 --> 01:26:11,165 Walk away, just ignore them. 998 01:26:11,250 --> 01:26:15,211 And now remain gone, illegitimate-faced bugger-folk! 999 01:26:15,337 --> 01:26:20,007 And, if you think you got a nasty taunting this time, you ain't heard 1000 01:26:20,092 --> 01:26:23,594 nothing yet, stuffy English knights! 1001 01:26:45,450 --> 01:26:48,578 - We shall attack at once. - Yes, my liege. 1002 01:26:48,745 --> 01:26:50,621 Stand by for attack! 1003 01:27:50,265 --> 01:27:51,682 French persons! 1004 01:27:52,601 --> 01:27:56,354 Today the blood of many a valiant knight shall be avenged. 1005 01:27:56,939 --> 01:28:00,274 In the name of God, we shall not stop our fight 1006 01:28:00,359 --> 01:28:05,154 till each one of you lies dead, and the Holy Grail 1007 01:28:05,280 --> 01:28:08,866 returns to those whom God has chosen. 1008 01:28:10,327 --> 01:28:13,329 Charge! 1009 01:28:38,981 --> 01:28:41,399 Yes, they're the ones, I'm sure. 1010 01:28:47,072 --> 01:28:49,699 - Come on. - Put this man in the van. 1011 01:28:53,578 --> 01:28:56,414 - Put him in the van. - Get a blanket over that one. 1012 01:28:56,707 --> 01:28:59,250 Come on, back! Right back! 1013 01:29:01,503 --> 01:29:03,754 That's an offensive weapon, that is. 1014 01:29:07,050 --> 01:29:09,343 All right, sonny, that's enough. Pack that in.