1 00:00:04,050 --> 00:00:05,652 Oh, what are you guys doing together, 2 00:00:05,653 --> 00:00:07,174 - just the two of you? - We're gonna raise money 3 00:00:07,175 --> 00:00:08,768 on the quad to help with the oil spill. 4 00:00:08,769 --> 00:00:11,333 We're making this display to show how serious the problem is. 5 00:00:11,334 --> 00:00:13,855 Oh, yeah. Each drop represents 6 00:00:13,920 --> 00:00:16,674 10,000 gallons of oil. 7 00:00:18,555 --> 00:00:19,718 Ooh! Oh... 8 00:00:19,842 --> 00:00:21,833 I'm so glad this tragedy overshadowed Haiti. 9 00:00:22,060 --> 00:00:23,121 I didn't have any ideas for that. 10 00:00:23,122 --> 00:00:24,929 Yeah, to having fun in pairs! 11 00:00:25,036 --> 00:00:26,661 What up, party people? 12 00:00:26,662 --> 00:00:28,066 Oh, you got a band-aid on your arm. 13 00:00:28,067 --> 00:00:29,254 You should be more careful shaving. 14 00:00:29,361 --> 00:00:31,955 I wax, dummy. This is from a blood test. 15 00:00:31,956 --> 00:00:33,598 Oh, no... I knew it. 16 00:00:33,599 --> 00:00:34,764 Things are going too well for you. 17 00:00:34,765 --> 00:00:36,682 Oh, no, no. Just a physical. 18 00:00:36,789 --> 00:00:38,680 Even a Ferrari needs a tune-up. 19 00:00:39,137 --> 00:00:40,442 You guys moonshiners now? 20 00:00:40,443 --> 00:00:42,073 No, just the two of them. 21 00:00:42,074 --> 00:00:43,732 We're raising money for the oil spill. 22 00:00:43,733 --> 00:00:45,039 Did you even know there was one? 23 00:00:45,040 --> 00:00:47,418 Uh, yeah, I have the aol home page bookmarked. 24 00:00:47,419 --> 00:00:48,908 Did you even know about the ostrich, 25 00:00:48,909 --> 00:00:50,371 that raised the tiger cub? 26 00:00:52,803 --> 00:00:55,307 - Troy, what's wrong? - I just saw a dead body. 27 00:00:55,955 --> 00:00:57,893 I told you not to use the east stairwell. 28 00:00:57,894 --> 00:00:59,596 My pastor said it's meth season. 29 00:00:59,623 --> 00:01:01,522 You know I'm living with Pierce now, so... 30 00:01:01,952 --> 00:01:03,870 This morning I went to do laundry in the garage, 31 00:01:03,871 --> 00:01:06,336 and I found his mom... dead. 32 00:01:06,337 --> 00:01:08,954 - Oh! - Troy, that's terrible! 33 00:01:08,955 --> 00:01:11,398 Well, she had been in bad shape for a while. 34 00:01:11,749 --> 00:01:14,462 So I guess she crawled out there to die like a cat. 35 00:01:16,237 --> 00:01:18,104 I've never been that close to a dead body before. 36 00:01:18,105 --> 00:01:19,699 - Oh! - Oh, pumpkin! 37 00:01:20,695 --> 00:01:22,563 She was so cold and gray. 38 00:01:23,595 --> 00:01:24,870 I saw her underwear! 39 00:01:34,940 --> 00:01:37,108 Jeez... who died? 40 00:01:37,109 --> 00:01:40,143 Pierce, we're so sorry to hear about your mom. 41 00:01:40,144 --> 00:01:41,576 - Why? - Losing a loved one 42 00:01:41,577 --> 00:01:43,113 is always difficult. 43 00:01:43,114 --> 00:01:45,399 What? My mom isn't dead. 44 00:01:45,400 --> 00:01:46,669 But when Troy found her, he said that... 45 00:01:46,670 --> 00:01:49,081 Well, her heart, lungs, kidneys, and brain 46 00:01:49,246 --> 00:01:50,333 stopped working. 47 00:01:50,334 --> 00:01:52,816 And another way of saying that would be... 48 00:01:52,817 --> 00:01:54,465 She's used up her organic body. 49 00:01:54,466 --> 00:01:57,661 By... dying in it. 50 00:01:57,662 --> 00:02:00,354 Wrong. She's alive. 51 00:02:01,355 --> 00:02:03,358 Mom was a part of my Buddhist church. 52 00:02:03,805 --> 00:02:06,142 She's a level five laser lotus, same as me. 53 00:02:06,143 --> 00:02:08,413 When a level five's body stops functioning, 54 00:02:08,414 --> 00:02:10,702 it's vaporized in the temple of renewal 55 00:02:10,703 --> 00:02:13,113 and stored in an energon pod. 56 00:02:13,114 --> 00:02:15,764 In a few years, when our technology advances, 57 00:02:15,765 --> 00:02:17,221 they'll extract her body vapors 58 00:02:17,222 --> 00:02:19,016 and recondense it to a solid state. 59 00:02:19,017 --> 00:02:20,081 And before you know it, 60 00:02:20,082 --> 00:02:23,688 mom'll be back in the kitchen making Troy and me sandwiches. 61 00:02:24,889 --> 00:02:25,784 Ha. 62 00:02:28,487 --> 00:02:30,891 Pumpkin! It's okay! 63 00:02:34,734 --> 00:02:37,036 Did you guys hear about that turtle in China? 64 00:02:37,643 --> 00:02:39,247 Two packs a day. 65 00:02:39,614 --> 00:02:44,114 Community 2x03 - The Psychology of Letting Go 66 00:02:44,115 --> 00:02:48,115 Sync by vNaru - Corrected by 4be1 www.addic7ed.com 67 00:03:11,022 --> 00:03:12,740 Look, if you guys just let me get to the can opener, 68 00:03:12,741 --> 00:03:13,789 I can feed you. 69 00:03:13,845 --> 00:03:15,118 We have to do something about Pierce. 70 00:03:15,119 --> 00:03:17,215 He really thinks his mom isn't dead. 71 00:03:17,386 --> 00:03:19,137 He's gone crazy. 72 00:03:19,314 --> 00:03:20,168 ...Er? 73 00:03:20,169 --> 00:03:22,421 He won't even let us have a memorial service. 74 00:03:22,677 --> 00:03:24,274 I was halfway done with the collage. 75 00:03:24,275 --> 00:03:25,947 He hasn't cried yet, and from what I've been told, 76 00:03:25,948 --> 00:03:28,404 - that's not normal. - Who's normal, Abed? 77 00:03:28,405 --> 00:03:30,424 Well, baptists are, but that's beside the point. 78 00:03:30,425 --> 00:03:32,760 Everybody has some sort of service for the departed... 79 00:03:32,761 --> 00:03:35,192 Eskimos, witch doctors, Jewish people. 80 00:03:35,193 --> 00:03:36,471 Oh, cool. We made the list. 81 00:03:36,472 --> 00:03:39,159 The point being, death needs to be coped with, 82 00:03:39,160 --> 00:03:41,270 not ignored, otherwise, why did mankind 83 00:03:41,271 --> 00:03:42,955 concoct all these religions? 84 00:03:42,956 --> 00:03:45,988 - You wanna rephrase that? - Oh, I'm sorry... Humankind. 85 00:03:45,989 --> 00:03:47,083 You think you're real smart, don't you? 86 00:03:47,084 --> 00:03:49,454 Guys, guys, guys. Did we learn nothing 87 00:03:49,455 --> 00:03:50,691 from last Christmas? 88 00:03:50,735 --> 00:03:52,998 I don't see much difference between Pierce's religion 89 00:03:52,999 --> 00:03:54,154 and anybody else's. 90 00:03:54,155 --> 00:03:55,152 Well, then you're not listening, 91 00:03:55,153 --> 00:03:56,707 because his has lasers. 92 00:03:56,708 --> 00:03:59,514 Look, you guys make fun of me for not caring about religion, 93 00:03:59,515 --> 00:04:01,907 but at least I'm dedicated enough to not caring 94 00:04:01,908 --> 00:04:04,227 to let you have your own beliefs. 95 00:04:05,357 --> 00:04:06,729 Can't Pierce have his? 96 00:04:07,589 --> 00:04:09,051 Can't you be cool like me? 97 00:04:10,801 --> 00:04:11,622 Hello? 98 00:04:11,930 --> 00:04:14,040 He ends so many of his speeches that way. 99 00:04:15,334 --> 00:04:17,886 - Morning, guys. - Morning, Pierce. 100 00:04:18,202 --> 00:04:20,093 - How's mom? - Terrific. 101 00:04:20,094 --> 00:04:22,234 Her body's being vaporized as we speak. 102 00:04:22,291 --> 00:04:23,790 What does that feel like? 103 00:04:23,791 --> 00:04:25,295 They say it's the greatest feeling ever. 104 00:04:25,296 --> 00:04:28,500 Like the second when the fudge on your Sunday is still hot 105 00:04:28,501 --> 00:04:31,505 or when you're the first one to break in a new boob job. 106 00:04:31,506 --> 00:04:34,221 Also, you're free from the burden of your earthly body. 107 00:04:34,222 --> 00:04:35,280 It is a burden. 108 00:04:35,281 --> 00:04:38,280 Greetings, class! I am Dr. Ian Duncan. 109 00:04:38,281 --> 00:04:41,073 Now, I don't normally teach anthropology, 110 00:04:41,074 --> 00:04:44,408 but apparently Professor Bauer tried to strangle Mr. Winger 111 00:04:44,514 --> 00:04:46,915 and has been put on administrative leave with pay. 112 00:04:46,916 --> 00:04:51,286 So... What is anthropology? 113 00:04:54,485 --> 00:04:56,029 Seriously, does anyone know? 114 00:04:56,722 --> 00:04:59,698 - You, in the boobs. - It's the study of humanity. 115 00:04:59,803 --> 00:05:00,731 Wow! 116 00:05:01,384 --> 00:05:03,991 Wow. I thought psychology was a racket. 117 00:05:04,972 --> 00:05:06,371 Well, well. 118 00:05:07,434 --> 00:05:09,770 I heard there was a drunk limey 119 00:05:09,771 --> 00:05:10,989 teachin' this class. 120 00:05:10,990 --> 00:05:13,017 I'm not actually drunk, and I can prove it. 121 00:05:13,018 --> 00:05:15,487 I blew beneath the legal limit just this morning. 122 00:05:15,488 --> 00:05:16,529 That's reassuring. 123 00:05:16,530 --> 00:05:18,494 Also, I would like everyone here to know 124 00:05:18,495 --> 00:05:21,274 that this man assaulted me last year. 125 00:05:21,275 --> 00:05:23,246 And I have a restraining order 126 00:05:23,247 --> 00:05:26,108 so I can have him expelled if he comes within... 127 00:05:26,109 --> 00:05:27,687 25... 128 00:05:27,758 --> 00:05:28,800 Feet. 129 00:05:29,592 --> 00:05:30,853 - Abed. - Yep. 130 00:05:41,769 --> 00:05:43,881 Proceed, Dr. Teeth. 131 00:05:44,180 --> 00:05:48,803 It is the single largest disaster in recorded history. 132 00:05:48,804 --> 00:05:52,329 It is worse than 50 Exxon Valdez spills! 133 00:05:52,330 --> 00:05:54,105 You don't have to yell at us. 134 00:05:54,107 --> 00:05:56,779 Nobody is on the other side of this issue. 135 00:05:57,885 --> 00:06:00,341 And the pelicans are covered in oil. 136 00:06:00,342 --> 00:06:02,928 Everyone likes pelicans. They bring babies. 137 00:06:03,047 --> 00:06:05,265 - That's storks. - Oh, right. 138 00:06:05,278 --> 00:06:07,658 Well... We still like them! 139 00:06:08,557 --> 00:06:09,816 Yeah, we do. Um... 140 00:06:10,137 --> 00:06:11,369 I'm gonna give you... 141 00:06:11,952 --> 00:06:13,838 - another 20. - Oh! 142 00:06:13,958 --> 00:06:16,072 Thank you so much! 143 00:06:19,313 --> 00:06:20,826 I'm here for my test results... 144 00:06:21,079 --> 00:06:22,799 If you haven't framed them yet. 145 00:06:23,298 --> 00:06:24,975 - Hi, gorgeous. - Jeff. 146 00:06:24,976 --> 00:06:27,201 You have something very infectious. 147 00:06:27,508 --> 00:06:28,963 - What? - Charm! 148 00:06:29,973 --> 00:06:31,263 You got me, Jackie. 149 00:06:31,264 --> 00:06:33,288 Seriously, everything looks great. 150 00:06:33,289 --> 00:06:34,797 You're an incredible specimen. 151 00:06:34,798 --> 00:06:37,151 Even your moles look like little hearts. 152 00:06:37,332 --> 00:06:38,596 The only thing I would suggest... 153 00:06:38,597 --> 00:06:40,266 Go see a doctor and get a prescription 154 00:06:40,267 --> 00:06:42,168 for cholesterol medication. 155 00:06:44,075 --> 00:06:45,576 Your cholesterol's a little high. 156 00:06:45,577 --> 00:06:47,688 It's no big deal. Eat some egg whites. 157 00:06:47,689 --> 00:06:49,750 But I... I don't understand. 158 00:06:49,751 --> 00:06:52,507 Wait, did I accidentally tell you you have AIDS? 159 00:06:52,508 --> 00:06:53,629 'Cause I've done that before. 160 00:06:53,630 --> 00:06:54,730 It doesn't... I mean... it doesn't... 161 00:06:54,731 --> 00:06:56,360 I treat my body like a temple! 162 00:06:56,361 --> 00:06:58,407 Well, I can't be the first person to tell you 163 00:06:58,408 --> 00:07:00,480 that the temple doesn't last forever. 164 00:07:00,532 --> 00:07:02,147 I mean, it's made of hamburger. 165 00:07:02,148 --> 00:07:04,416 This is a... this is a temple of doom. 166 00:07:04,555 --> 00:07:06,564 And you know what? Like the real Temple of Doom, 167 00:07:06,565 --> 00:07:08,560 it represents the inconvenient fact 168 00:07:08,561 --> 00:07:09,845 that all good things... 169 00:07:09,846 --> 00:07:12,463 Be they people or movie franchises... 170 00:07:12,464 --> 00:07:15,571 Eventually collapse into sagging, sloppy, 171 00:07:15,572 --> 00:07:18,073 rotten piles of hard to follow nonsense. 172 00:07:18,567 --> 00:07:19,776 I need to be alone. 173 00:07:22,342 --> 00:07:24,665 Uh... You can do that by leaving. 174 00:07:29,284 --> 00:07:30,664 Whoo. Okay. 175 00:07:30,806 --> 00:07:31,916 Let's get goin'! 176 00:07:32,101 --> 00:07:34,052 Those paps aren't gonna smear themselves. 177 00:07:34,987 --> 00:07:38,867 There is no God! 178 00:07:39,119 --> 00:07:41,492 Tell us how you really feel. Am I right? 179 00:07:49,787 --> 00:07:50,727 Morning, Jeff. 180 00:07:50,728 --> 00:07:52,015 Did you get the results of your blood test? 181 00:07:52,016 --> 00:07:54,033 - I'm fine. - I figured. 182 00:07:54,955 --> 00:07:56,666 Thank you for wising us up yesterday. 183 00:07:56,667 --> 00:07:58,992 We were being judgmental about Pierce's religion. 184 00:07:58,993 --> 00:08:00,157 But the fact is, Jesus... 185 00:08:00,158 --> 00:08:02,256 The fact is, everyone's dying. 186 00:08:03,268 --> 00:08:04,577 And we all have these little notions 187 00:08:04,578 --> 00:08:05,706 that we're the exception, 188 00:08:05,707 --> 00:08:07,779 but we're as wrong as we are dead. 189 00:08:11,992 --> 00:08:13,120 That's nice. 190 00:08:16,214 --> 00:08:18,083 How's it going with the little side project 191 00:08:18,084 --> 00:08:19,889 that just the two of you are doing? 192 00:08:19,890 --> 00:08:22,988 It's great. I made $236, 193 00:08:22,989 --> 00:08:24,163 plus Britta's makes... 194 00:08:24,164 --> 00:08:27,508 well, all totaled, we're close to 250, right, Britta? 195 00:08:28,390 --> 00:08:30,209 Greendale cares about this issue. 196 00:08:30,210 --> 00:08:31,874 Yeah. I don't think that's it. 197 00:08:31,963 --> 00:08:33,722 - What do you mean? - Come on, Annie. 198 00:08:33,723 --> 00:08:34,954 You know guys are giving you money 199 00:08:34,955 --> 00:08:37,654 because of the whole sexy schoolgirl routine. 200 00:08:38,033 --> 00:08:39,973 - I have a routine? - Yeah. 201 00:08:39,974 --> 00:08:42,801 You know, the one where you use posture as an excuse 202 00:08:42,802 --> 00:08:44,028 to stick out your chest 203 00:08:44,029 --> 00:08:46,294 and you laugh at guys' unfunny jokes, 204 00:08:46,295 --> 00:08:47,423 pretending not to know 205 00:08:47,424 --> 00:08:49,937 that they have a sock at home with your name on it. 206 00:08:50,728 --> 00:08:53,422 Um... That's me, 207 00:08:53,756 --> 00:08:55,701 and if a guy wants to make a puppet of me, 208 00:08:55,702 --> 00:08:57,249 that's hardly your concern. 209 00:08:57,250 --> 00:08:59,116 Well, I just may be an outsider here 210 00:08:59,117 --> 00:09:01,097 because I was never called to participate, 211 00:09:01,098 --> 00:09:03,087 but it seems to me that Britta's upset 212 00:09:03,088 --> 00:09:05,607 because she's raising less money than you. 213 00:09:05,608 --> 00:09:06,794 Yeah, I'm raising less money 214 00:09:06,795 --> 00:09:09,385 because I'm not jump-starting date rapists. 215 00:09:11,098 --> 00:09:12,121 Bitter much? 216 00:09:12,122 --> 00:09:13,969 Say "bitter much" much? 217 00:09:13,970 --> 00:09:17,683 Say say "bitter much much" much? 218 00:09:21,862 --> 00:09:24,270 It's not my fault. I used to wear a back brace. 219 00:09:24,417 --> 00:09:25,407 That's why. 220 00:09:26,993 --> 00:09:28,399 What's with the lava lamp? 221 00:09:30,026 --> 00:09:32,263 It's not a lava lamp. It's my mom. 222 00:09:32,264 --> 00:09:33,907 Ha ho ho! Snap! 223 00:09:34,295 --> 00:09:35,297 Wait... What? 224 00:09:35,298 --> 00:09:37,903 The temple finished vaporizing her. 225 00:09:38,058 --> 00:09:39,938 This is mom's energon pod. 226 00:09:40,649 --> 00:09:42,536 And that's her vapor in those little bubbles. 227 00:09:42,537 --> 00:09:44,256 I'm sure that thing was free, right? 228 00:09:44,257 --> 00:09:46,365 Energon doesn't grow on trees, Jeff. 229 00:09:46,366 --> 00:09:49,400 It's harvested by super bees in a Buddhist meteor crater. 230 00:09:49,401 --> 00:09:51,023 Which is at the foot of mount sky mall 231 00:09:51,024 --> 00:09:52,623 in the sharper image valley? 232 00:09:53,351 --> 00:09:54,975 Sorry, I overslept. 233 00:09:54,976 --> 00:09:57,755 The sidewalk is more comfortable than it looks. 234 00:09:57,756 --> 00:09:59,887 Drunk. Glug, glug, glug. 235 00:09:59,888 --> 00:10:02,377 Shut up. So where did we get to yesterday? 236 00:10:02,378 --> 00:10:03,786 You are drunk and stupid. 237 00:10:03,787 --> 00:10:06,192 Actually, Ben, I do have a wee big of a headache, 238 00:10:06,193 --> 00:10:07,419 so if you could just... 239 00:10:12,860 --> 00:10:14,915 Isn't that interesting? 240 00:10:14,916 --> 00:10:16,616 I have a right to be here, sir. 241 00:10:16,638 --> 00:10:17,895 Oh, you do, you do, 242 00:10:17,896 --> 00:10:21,509 and I do hope you have very good hearing. 243 00:10:23,359 --> 00:10:24,472 Bastard! 244 00:10:26,368 --> 00:10:28,605 So, where did we get to yesterday? 245 00:10:28,606 --> 00:10:30,301 We were talking about humanity, 246 00:10:30,302 --> 00:10:33,997 which starts with birth and ends with death. 247 00:10:33,998 --> 00:10:34,859 True. 248 00:10:34,860 --> 00:10:37,534 All life ends in death, which we, as a species, 249 00:10:37,535 --> 00:10:40,672 are cursed with knowing, resulting in... 250 00:10:42,054 --> 00:10:44,318 Something. 251 00:10:44,933 --> 00:10:47,763 Again, this is really not my field. 252 00:10:47,764 --> 00:10:49,604 Professor, what would you say 253 00:10:49,605 --> 00:10:51,309 might be the difference between 254 00:10:51,310 --> 00:10:53,951 a religion and... a cult? 255 00:10:53,952 --> 00:10:56,162 Why don't we open that question to the floor, 256 00:10:56,163 --> 00:10:57,206 since I don't know 257 00:10:57,207 --> 00:10:59,176 and the book for this class is expensive? 258 00:10:59,177 --> 00:11:01,845 Well, I would say a cult might, for instance, 259 00:11:01,846 --> 00:11:04,353 sell you a tube of Jell-O 260 00:11:04,540 --> 00:11:07,321 and tell you your mother is in it. 261 00:11:07,322 --> 00:11:09,642 - Jeffrey! - I see... Are we thinly veiling 262 00:11:09,643 --> 00:11:11,612 a personal conflict and passing it off as a lesson? 263 00:11:11,613 --> 00:11:13,252 'Cause if so, please continue. 264 00:11:13,725 --> 00:11:16,341 Reformed neo-buddhism is not a cult! 265 00:11:16,342 --> 00:11:18,369 It is a new way of looking at the world, 266 00:11:18,370 --> 00:11:20,009 emphasizing empowerment. 267 00:11:20,201 --> 00:11:22,380 - Like a video game? - Yes, Troy. 268 00:11:22,381 --> 00:11:23,781 Very much like a video game. 269 00:11:23,863 --> 00:11:25,893 You gain levels, and at a certain point, 270 00:11:25,894 --> 00:11:28,435 you actually can eat a ghost. 271 00:11:28,436 --> 00:11:30,309 What? I wanna eat a ghost! 272 00:11:30,310 --> 00:11:32,650 No. No, do not let him pollute your brain 273 00:11:32,651 --> 00:11:33,760 with this crap, Troy. 274 00:11:33,761 --> 00:11:36,658 - It's okay to ask questions. - I have a question. 275 00:11:36,659 --> 00:11:38,864 You said your mother went from a solid to a vapor. 276 00:11:38,865 --> 00:11:40,799 Do people in your religion ever take liquid form, 277 00:11:40,800 --> 00:11:41,812 like the creatures in the abyss 278 00:11:41,813 --> 00:11:42,962 or children's Tylenol? 279 00:11:43,504 --> 00:11:44,455 That's a good question. 280 00:11:44,456 --> 00:11:47,020 Actually, when Buddha returns, 281 00:11:47,021 --> 00:11:48,525 we all take liquid form 282 00:11:48,526 --> 00:11:52,038 and merge into a shimmering ocean of knowledge. 283 00:11:52,467 --> 00:11:55,598 Which, according to scripture, tastes like Hawaiian Punch. 284 00:11:55,599 --> 00:11:57,816 I do like Hawaiian Punch. 285 00:11:57,817 --> 00:11:58,830 Hey, if you're really curious, 286 00:11:58,831 --> 00:12:00,986 come to my church's open hive tomorrow. 287 00:12:00,987 --> 00:12:04,106 You know, wine, beer, free credit checks. 288 00:12:04,107 --> 00:12:05,696 How much wine and beer per person? 289 00:12:05,697 --> 00:12:07,706 - Oh, come on! - We're having a con... What? 290 00:12:07,707 --> 00:12:10,224 Excuse me. Is this anesthesiology? 291 00:12:11,095 --> 00:12:12,867 Yes. Yes, it is. 292 00:12:12,868 --> 00:12:14,037 Just go with this. 293 00:12:14,163 --> 00:12:16,768 It's really sad. Anything helps. 294 00:12:16,769 --> 00:12:18,765 So just anything you could give would be... 295 00:12:24,243 --> 00:12:25,275 Hey! 296 00:12:25,276 --> 00:12:28,263 I like need you to save the pelicans. 297 00:12:28,264 --> 00:12:30,715 They're all feathery and pelicany. 298 00:12:30,716 --> 00:12:32,603 I wuv them. 299 00:12:34,411 --> 00:12:35,804 Thank you! 300 00:12:37,753 --> 00:12:40,506 Wow. It really is easy to raise money 301 00:12:40,507 --> 00:12:42,067 when you sell out your gender. 302 00:12:43,237 --> 00:12:44,534 I'm sure it's even easier 303 00:12:44,535 --> 00:12:46,388 when you're not standing next to this. 304 00:12:46,389 --> 00:12:48,718 Hey, jerk! You're stupid! 305 00:12:48,719 --> 00:12:50,355 Gimme money. I know more than you. 306 00:12:50,356 --> 00:12:52,325 Oh, I don't know anything. 307 00:12:52,326 --> 00:12:53,981 I need boys. 308 00:12:53,982 --> 00:12:56,436 Saving the planet makes my back hurt. 309 00:12:56,437 --> 00:12:58,479 Oh, I obviously don't need guys for anything. 310 00:12:58,480 --> 00:13:01,166 That's why I wear stripper boots during the day 311 00:13:01,167 --> 00:13:03,306 and eat only celery and mustard for lunch! 312 00:13:03,307 --> 00:13:06,279 - Oh, I never stop smiling. - I never start! 313 00:13:06,280 --> 00:13:08,215 My sweaters keep shrinking! 314 00:13:08,216 --> 00:13:11,997 I get up an hour early to ever-so-slightly curl my hair. 315 00:13:17,466 --> 00:13:19,574 Yeah, you're both so different. 316 00:13:19,575 --> 00:13:20,865 Skinny bitches. 317 00:13:20,886 --> 00:13:22,805 Hello, Billionaire Boys Club. 318 00:13:23,764 --> 00:13:25,709 Mind if I ask what happened in class today? 319 00:13:25,710 --> 00:13:28,408 You pulled 40 minutes of anesthesiology out of your ass. 320 00:13:28,409 --> 00:13:29,577 Yeah, I did. 321 00:13:29,860 --> 00:13:32,297 But, uh, I meant your elderly friend. 322 00:13:34,370 --> 00:13:36,953 Do you know how many times I haven't eaten a donut? 323 00:13:36,954 --> 00:13:38,692 - I do not. - How much I got teased 324 00:13:38,693 --> 00:13:41,259 in grade school for dabbing my pizza with napkins? 325 00:13:41,824 --> 00:13:42,848 I've suffered. 326 00:13:43,252 --> 00:13:44,953 - I've denied myself. - Mm-hmm. 327 00:13:44,954 --> 00:13:47,189 Because the rules said if I did that, 328 00:13:47,190 --> 00:13:48,668 I would live longer. 329 00:13:48,669 --> 00:13:50,687 But then, halfway through the game, 330 00:13:50,853 --> 00:13:54,215 I get this little update that it doesn't matter what I do. 331 00:13:54,281 --> 00:13:55,890 I could eat powdered bran every day 332 00:13:55,891 --> 00:13:57,364 while you suck down figgy pudding, 333 00:13:57,365 --> 00:13:59,392 and I still might die first. 334 00:13:59,765 --> 00:14:02,817 It's unfair! I want my donuts back. 335 00:14:02,961 --> 00:14:06,475 Well, I think you're being a little childish, and... 336 00:14:07,514 --> 00:14:09,258 Hold on a sec. I need to use my force field 337 00:14:09,259 --> 00:14:10,869 to prevent Chang from getting food. 338 00:14:41,065 --> 00:14:43,464 Now, where were we? Look... 339 00:14:43,504 --> 00:14:46,283 The way I see it, while claiming to have no religion, 340 00:14:46,284 --> 00:14:49,022 you were actually devoutly worshipping yourself. 341 00:14:49,023 --> 00:14:51,624 And now that your God has high cholesterol, 342 00:14:51,985 --> 00:14:54,310 you're trying to kick Pierce's in the balls. 343 00:14:57,075 --> 00:14:58,034 You're right. 344 00:14:58,130 --> 00:15:01,448 All I've been trying to do is crush Pierce's faith 345 00:15:01,449 --> 00:15:03,063 to feel better about dying. 346 00:15:03,064 --> 00:15:03,991 And... 347 00:15:04,053 --> 00:15:06,011 And now that I realize that that was my goal... 348 00:15:06,012 --> 00:15:06,881 Mm-hmm? 349 00:15:07,388 --> 00:15:09,692 I can really roll up my sleeves 350 00:15:09,693 --> 00:15:10,655 and get it done. 351 00:15:10,656 --> 00:15:11,934 - There it is. - Thank you! 352 00:15:11,935 --> 00:15:12,919 You're welcome. 353 00:15:13,448 --> 00:15:16,620 No, that wasn't what I... Actually, I don't care. 354 00:15:19,581 --> 00:15:21,365 He girls, guess who found Buddha. 355 00:15:21,366 --> 00:15:22,393 - Hey. - Hi. 356 00:15:22,969 --> 00:15:25,429 We're on our way to Pierce's buddhist open hive. 357 00:15:25,430 --> 00:15:27,464 But first I'm taking these fellows for ice cream 358 00:15:27,465 --> 00:15:30,174 as an apology for questioning Pierce's faith. 359 00:15:30,219 --> 00:15:32,913 Pierce says there's this 69th flavor I need to try. 360 00:15:32,914 --> 00:15:34,200 I am excited. 361 00:15:34,564 --> 00:15:35,877 Hey, guys, my car's over there. 362 00:15:36,121 --> 00:15:36,921 Cool. 363 00:15:37,786 --> 00:15:38,666 Guess what. 364 00:15:39,148 --> 00:15:40,886 I'm not actually taking them for ice cream. 365 00:15:40,887 --> 00:15:43,030 I am taking them to the county morgue 366 00:15:43,031 --> 00:15:45,252 where I have confirmed that Pierce's mother's 367 00:15:45,253 --> 00:15:47,080 very un-vaporized corpse 368 00:15:47,081 --> 00:15:49,461 will be lying on a stainless steel slab 369 00:15:49,462 --> 00:15:50,615 for all to see. 370 00:15:50,616 --> 00:15:53,186 Surprise! Welcome to reality. 371 00:15:53,187 --> 00:15:54,430 Welcome to death. 372 00:15:54,459 --> 00:15:55,864 - Have fun. - Good luck. 373 00:15:56,307 --> 00:15:57,286 Wow. 374 00:15:57,563 --> 00:15:59,142 You guys are real downers. 375 00:15:59,177 --> 00:16:00,796 I can't believe I made out with both of you. 376 00:16:01,314 --> 00:16:02,220 Ugh. 377 00:16:03,222 --> 00:16:04,803 I'll check the basket. 378 00:16:05,524 --> 00:16:06,627 Sorry. 379 00:16:06,628 --> 00:16:08,411 I almost arched my back a little. 380 00:16:08,412 --> 00:16:09,728 I know you hate that. 381 00:16:09,729 --> 00:16:12,362 No, I should count it. Since I'm a calculating bitch. 382 00:16:12,363 --> 00:16:13,918 No, I should, since I'm the one 383 00:16:13,919 --> 00:16:15,601 who's whoring out our gender! 384 00:16:15,602 --> 00:16:17,360 - Give that back to me. - I'm gonna count it! 385 00:16:17,361 --> 00:16:19,140 - Let go! - Gimme that! 386 00:16:27,015 --> 00:16:28,572 Oh, yeah? Think this is funny? 387 00:16:28,573 --> 00:16:30,576 You think it's funny? Get off of me! 388 00:16:30,577 --> 00:16:33,078 - You little brat! - Oh! 389 00:16:35,213 --> 00:16:36,245 I hate you! 390 00:16:36,963 --> 00:16:39,590 Now, this is why I came to America. 391 00:16:40,762 --> 00:16:42,658 Maybe we should listen to some music. 392 00:16:42,915 --> 00:16:43,933 No problem. 393 00:16:44,060 --> 00:16:46,043 I brought the jam book from the Pierce Mobile. 394 00:16:46,044 --> 00:16:47,417 I could play some of the old stuff, 395 00:16:47,418 --> 00:16:48,957 but you guys would make fun of me. 396 00:16:49,995 --> 00:16:50,775 So... 397 00:16:50,972 --> 00:16:54,418 I'll throw ya... a bone and put in some loggins. 398 00:16:54,419 --> 00:16:56,122 This ice cream place is far. 399 00:16:56,186 --> 00:16:58,182 Trust me. It's worth it. 400 00:16:59,339 --> 00:17:00,412 What's this? 401 00:17:00,413 --> 00:17:01,917 This is mom's handwriting. 402 00:17:02,116 --> 00:17:04,383 Is that what you were doing in the garage, 403 00:17:04,384 --> 00:17:05,503 you silly goose? 404 00:17:05,504 --> 00:17:09,961 She spent her last moments alive making a cd? 405 00:17:10,586 --> 00:17:12,357 That's gangster! 406 00:17:12,629 --> 00:17:15,664 Pierce, you found the CD, 407 00:17:15,665 --> 00:17:18,079 which means... I'm dead. 408 00:17:18,080 --> 00:17:18,806 Vaporized. 409 00:17:18,807 --> 00:17:22,285 I'm not vaporized. I'm gone, Pierce. 410 00:17:22,666 --> 00:17:24,439 Gone forever and... 411 00:17:25,193 --> 00:17:27,061 that's how I like it. 412 00:17:28,201 --> 00:17:32,163 Life is only worth a damn because it's short. 413 00:17:32,607 --> 00:17:36,067 It's designed to be consumed, used, 414 00:17:36,068 --> 00:17:39,528 spent, lived, felt. 415 00:17:39,529 --> 00:17:42,040 We're supposed to fill it with every mistake 416 00:17:42,041 --> 00:17:44,626 and miracle we can manage. 417 00:17:44,972 --> 00:17:47,871 And then we're supposed to let go. 418 00:17:48,141 --> 00:17:52,112 I can't force you to do that for yourself, Pierce. 419 00:17:52,459 --> 00:17:55,746 But you can't force me to stay. 420 00:17:56,035 --> 00:17:59,478 And if you unscrew the top of that stupid thing, 421 00:17:59,479 --> 00:18:02,010 you'll see it was made in China. 422 00:18:02,552 --> 00:18:03,783 I love you, son. 423 00:18:04,657 --> 00:18:05,792 Good-bye. 424 00:18:06,881 --> 00:18:08,871 I'll play myself out. 425 00:18:17,488 --> 00:18:18,477 Whew. 426 00:18:18,599 --> 00:18:19,978 Well, that proves one thing. 427 00:18:20,648 --> 00:18:23,272 That woman was really losing her marbles 428 00:18:23,330 --> 00:18:24,482 toward the end. 429 00:18:29,669 --> 00:18:32,857 You... seriously still think she's in there? 430 00:18:32,858 --> 00:18:33,951 Why wouldn't I? 431 00:18:37,718 --> 00:18:38,741 No reason. 432 00:18:42,871 --> 00:18:45,023 So... Where's this ice cream place? 433 00:18:45,024 --> 00:18:47,188 - Yeah. - Oh...Um... 434 00:18:47,380 --> 00:18:49,649 You know, the... I think I... 435 00:18:49,676 --> 00:18:51,368 actually saw a better one back there. 436 00:18:51,369 --> 00:18:55,047 The place I was gonna take you was... kinda depressing. 437 00:18:57,559 --> 00:19:00,411 Oh, can we get a little more sawdust on that storm gutter? 438 00:19:00,412 --> 00:19:01,453 Thank you! 439 00:19:04,002 --> 00:19:05,801 - I'm sorry... - I'm sorry too. 440 00:19:05,802 --> 00:19:07,492 I just got jealous of you. 441 00:19:07,493 --> 00:19:09,624 No, but you totally called me on what I was doing, 442 00:19:09,625 --> 00:19:11,857 and... I only kissed Jeff 443 00:19:11,858 --> 00:19:13,147 because I wanted to see if I could do it 444 00:19:13,148 --> 00:19:15,365 because I wanna be cool and sexy like you. 445 00:19:15,366 --> 00:19:16,846 I can't believe how gross I am. 446 00:19:16,847 --> 00:19:19,299 I only slept with Jeff because I hate myself, 447 00:19:19,300 --> 00:19:21,411 and that's why I got after you for raising money. 448 00:19:21,412 --> 00:19:22,895 I'm twice as gross. 449 00:19:22,896 --> 00:19:24,967 And you know the reason 450 00:19:24,968 --> 00:19:27,987 that we raised more money in five minutes of oil wrestling 451 00:19:27,988 --> 00:19:29,855 than we did in two days of fundraising? 452 00:19:29,856 --> 00:19:31,968 Because... men are even grosser? 453 00:19:31,969 --> 00:19:34,776 And when we forget that, they win. 454 00:19:38,980 --> 00:19:40,157 Yeah. All right. 455 00:19:40,158 --> 00:19:41,390 All right, all right. 456 00:19:42,053 --> 00:19:43,242 Yeah, do it. 457 00:19:43,314 --> 00:19:45,284 Oh, so you got actual ice cream. 458 00:19:45,285 --> 00:19:47,506 Yeah. With peanut butter and hot Fudge. 459 00:19:47,786 --> 00:19:50,490 What the hell, right? Nobody lives forever. 460 00:19:51,089 --> 00:19:52,100 No offense. 461 00:19:52,223 --> 00:19:54,462 Nah, think what you want. It's a free country. 462 00:19:54,916 --> 00:19:56,758 I barely saw you this week, Abed. 463 00:19:56,759 --> 00:19:58,004 What have you been up to? 464 00:19:58,892 --> 00:20:00,225 - Not much. - Hmm. 465 00:20:01,512 --> 00:20:02,183 What? 466 00:20:02,184 --> 00:20:04,155 Whoa! Busted! 25 feet! 467 00:20:04,156 --> 00:20:06,379 Which puts you in violation 468 00:20:06,380 --> 00:20:09,353 of this restraining order I filed against you 469 00:20:09,354 --> 00:20:12,308 for abusing me with your restraining order! 470 00:20:14,753 --> 00:20:17,439 Mutually assured destruction. 471 00:20:18,853 --> 00:20:20,808 Well played, Chang. 472 00:20:20,862 --> 00:20:21,823 Thank you. 473 00:20:21,988 --> 00:20:22,888 Uh... 474 00:20:24,570 --> 00:20:25,652 That means a lot. 475 00:20:25,653 --> 00:20:27,132 Do you mind getting a quick photo of me 476 00:20:27,133 --> 00:20:28,672 with the oily coeds? 477 00:20:28,689 --> 00:20:29,838 - Center button. - Okay. 478 00:20:29,839 --> 00:20:31,753 - You're the man. - Yeah, no problem. 479 00:20:32,342 --> 00:20:33,992 Wha... whaaaat? 480 00:20:42,944 --> 00:20:44,764 He's not a projection. 481 00:20:45,057 --> 00:20:48,157 He's the British guy pretending to be Tom Berenger. 482 00:20:52,857 --> 00:20:54,238 It was a mislead. 483 00:20:54,279 --> 00:20:56,127 That's the whole point of inception. 484 00:20:56,128 --> 00:20:57,853 Subversion of reality. 485 00:21:04,159 --> 00:21:06,320 He hasn't seen it yet!