1
00:00:04,033 --> 00:00:06,522
Does anyone know how long
it takes papier-mache to dry?

2
00:00:06,523 --> 00:00:07,360
Three hours longer

3
00:00:07,361 --> 00:00:09,266
than it took Duncan to
think up this assignment.

4
00:00:09,267 --> 00:00:10,620
I think 's really gonna appreciate

5
00:00:10,621 --> 00:00:13,674
the extra work we did expanding
our evolutionary chart.

6
00:00:13,675 --> 00:00:16,253
Oh, Britta, can you hold up
the final stage of humanity?

7
00:00:16,254 --> 00:00:18,838
I still think that man is
going to evolve into woman,

8
00:00:18,839 --> 00:00:21,169
not dragon monster with three legs.

9
00:00:21,170 --> 00:00:22,308
Three legs?

10
00:00:23,299 --> 00:00:24,608
Well, it's been real...

11
00:00:24,807 --> 00:00:26,409
At least the paste smell has...

12
00:00:26,512 --> 00:00:28,004
But I have a date to catch.

13
00:00:28,005 --> 00:00:30,398
Or should I say a catch to date.

14
00:00:30,399 --> 00:00:32,209
Oof, hope you just
come up with that.

15
00:00:32,210 --> 00:00:34,675
Look out! Drive-by deaning!

16
00:00:34,690 --> 00:00:35,647
Kidding.

17
00:00:35,648 --> 00:00:37,867
Just a non-violent verbal reminder.

18
00:00:37,868 --> 00:00:41,009
The local shelter is having a
puppy parade this afternoon.

19
00:00:41,010 --> 00:00:42,024
Ohh!

20
00:00:42,025 --> 00:00:43,601
Oh! I want to lick it.

21
00:00:43,602 --> 00:00:46,351
I expect all of you to lend a paw.

22
00:00:46,747 --> 00:00:48,126
Except you, Jeffrey.

23
00:00:48,127 --> 00:00:50,089
I know you've gotta catch to date.

24
00:00:51,247 --> 00:00:52,700
Oh, like you're famous for your wit.

25
00:00:52,701 --> 00:00:53,506
Puppy parade?

26
00:00:53,507 --> 00:00:54,700
I am in.

27
00:00:54,774 --> 00:00:56,742
Want to see if those wiener
dogs are born that way,

28
00:00:56,743 --> 00:00:59,064
or if they start off normal
and then get wiener.

29
00:00:59,551 --> 00:01:01,132
Abed, did you pick up my pen?

30
00:01:01,133 --> 00:01:03,007
It's a purple pen with a gel grip.

31
00:01:03,008 --> 00:01:05,184
Nope. I'm strictly
mechanical pencils these days.

32
00:01:05,185 --> 00:01:06,216
More relatable?

33
00:01:06,217 --> 00:01:07,598
It was just here.

34
00:01:07,910 --> 00:01:10,188
You okay, Annie? Chocolate?

35
00:01:10,334 --> 00:01:12,214
Would you like me to push
you to the parade, Pierce?

36
00:01:12,215 --> 00:01:13,047
Oh, no, thanks.

37
00:01:13,048 --> 00:01:15,147
I don't want people think
of me as a handicap.

38
00:01:15,148 --> 00:01:17,461
If anything, this chair
makes me more than a human.

39
00:01:22,634 --> 00:01:24,886
You move it by blowing into this,
uh, tube here.

40
00:01:24,887 --> 00:01:26,342
It's the most expensive one.

41
00:01:26,343 --> 00:01:28,639
I outbid three hospitals for this baby,

42
00:01:28,640 --> 00:01:31,212
and it was worth every penny.

43
00:01:35,941 --> 00:01:36,724
Oh.

44
00:01:36,725 --> 00:01:37,690
Oh!

45
00:01:41,228 --> 00:01:43,090
Wait! Please just wait.

46
00:01:43,485 --> 00:01:46,008
I'm sorry, but I need
to know who took my pen.

47
00:01:46,449 --> 00:01:47,517
Uh...

48
00:01:48,087 --> 00:01:50,127
Sorry, I don't see it.

49
00:01:50,128 --> 00:01:51,904
Yeah, sorry, Annie.

50
00:01:53,108 --> 00:01:53,984
No!

51
00:01:54,647 --> 00:01:56,506
Not "sorry, Annie".

52
00:01:56,574 --> 00:01:59,996
We passed "sorry, Annie" eight pens ago!

53
00:01:59,997 --> 00:02:02,703
I keep bringing pens,
and you guys keep taking them,

54
00:02:02,704 --> 00:02:05,788
and I'm afraid I am
putting my foot down.

55
00:02:05,894 --> 00:02:08,447
Okay. Well, now, Annie has made it clear

56
00:02:08,448 --> 00:02:09,578
that this is an issue,

57
00:02:09,579 --> 00:02:12,651
so from now on, we need to be
more respectful of her things.

58
00:02:12,722 --> 00:02:14,950
- Okay.
- Cool.

59
00:02:23,226 --> 00:02:27,726
Community 2x08 - Cooperative Calligraphy

60
00:02:27,727 --> 00:02:32,227
Sync by vNaru - Corrected by 4be1
www.addic7ed.com

61
00:02:33,213 --> 00:02:35,756
All right, it's not on the floor,

62
00:02:35,757 --> 00:02:38,853
- so whoever accidentally took...
- Not accidentally!

63
00:02:38,854 --> 00:02:42,833
Accidents don't just happen over
and over and over again, okay?

64
00:02:42,834 --> 00:02:44,278
This isn't budget daycare.

65
00:02:44,368 --> 00:02:46,613
Okay, whoever insidiously

66
00:02:46,614 --> 00:02:48,345
and with great malice aforethought

67
00:02:48,346 --> 00:02:49,675
abducted Annie's pen,

68
00:02:49,676 --> 00:02:52,299
confess, repent,
and relinquish so we can leave.

69
00:02:52,300 --> 00:02:53,747
Maybe nobody took it.

70
00:02:53,748 --> 00:02:55,149
Sometimes I think I lost something

71
00:02:55,150 --> 00:02:56,172
really important to me,

72
00:02:56,173 --> 00:02:58,147
and it turns out I already ate it.

73
00:02:58,148 --> 00:03:00,294
I didn't eat my pen, Troy.

74
00:03:00,295 --> 00:03:02,666
I know I brought it, and now it's gone.

75
00:03:03,244 --> 00:03:04,474
I took a photo.

76
00:03:06,331 --> 00:03:07,358
Aha!

77
00:03:07,366 --> 00:03:09,392
Aha. I'm zooming.

78
00:03:09,393 --> 00:03:10,732
See? See?

79
00:03:10,733 --> 00:03:12,717
I took this ten minutes ago.

80
00:03:12,718 --> 00:03:14,430
My pen was on the table.

81
00:03:14,431 --> 00:03:16,072
No one has come in or out since.

82
00:03:16,073 --> 00:03:18,445
One of you has my pen right now.

83
00:03:20,641 --> 00:03:21,662
Annie.

84
00:03:22,919 --> 00:03:23,803
It's a pen.

85
00:03:23,804 --> 00:03:24,837
It's not a pen!

86
00:03:24,838 --> 00:03:26,050
It's a principle.

87
00:03:29,335 --> 00:03:31,357
Not a good time to get
a stick of gum. Okay.

88
00:03:31,358 --> 00:03:32,624
Are we going to the puppy parade or not?

89
00:03:32,625 --> 00:03:34,409
Because this is starting to
feel like a bottle episode.

90
00:03:34,410 --> 00:03:35,908
Again with the TV crap.

91
00:03:35,909 --> 00:03:38,314
Hey, meatball, did you take Annie's pen

92
00:03:38,315 --> 00:03:41,679
to make life more like Benny Hill
or whatever you do?

93
00:03:42,118 --> 00:03:42,978
Abed?

94
00:03:42,979 --> 00:03:44,914
I wouldn't do that. I
hate bottle episodes.

95
00:03:44,915 --> 00:03:47,059
They're wall-to-wall facial expression
and emotional nuance.

96
00:03:47,060 --> 00:03:48,548
I might as well sit in the corner
with a bucket on head.

97
00:03:48,549 --> 00:03:50,986
Well, I have a photography
project to finish,

98
00:03:50,987 --> 00:03:52,237
and my grandmother's hands

99
00:03:52,238 --> 00:03:54,021
aren't going to take
close-ups of themselves.

100
00:03:54,022 --> 00:03:55,471
Hasta la later.

101
00:03:55,643 --> 00:03:56,626
Hmm!

102
00:03:57,131 --> 00:03:58,993
Was that "hmm" directed at me?

103
00:03:58,994 --> 00:04:00,418
If the "hmm" fits.

104
00:04:00,419 --> 00:04:01,804
I don't have your pen, Annie.

105
00:04:01,805 --> 00:04:03,033
I'm always lending you supplies.

106
00:04:03,034 --> 00:04:04,311
You never come prepared.

107
00:04:04,312 --> 00:04:06,404
If it's so important to you,
here, have my pen.

108
00:04:06,405 --> 00:04:07,178
That's my pen.

109
00:04:07,179 --> 00:04:08,698
Well, whatever, people.

110
00:04:08,699 --> 00:04:10,063
They're just things.

111
00:04:10,064 --> 00:04:11,329
Since they're just things,

112
00:04:11,330 --> 00:04:12,522
I don't suppose you'd mind letting us

113
00:04:12,523 --> 00:04:14,016
take a quick look-see inside your bag?

114
00:04:14,017 --> 00:04:15,953
Oh, I'd very much mind, Annie.

115
00:04:15,954 --> 00:04:19,183
As a "quick" invasion
of civil liberties.

116
00:04:20,616 --> 00:04:21,522
Oh, man.

117
00:04:21,523 --> 00:04:24,344
Oh, it all starts with a quick
look-see into someone's bag

118
00:04:24,345 --> 00:04:25,938
and then it's a brisk peeka-roony

119
00:04:25,939 --> 00:04:26,977
at our phone records,

120
00:04:26,978 --> 00:04:30,128
and before you can say "1984",
the thought police

121
00:04:30,129 --> 00:04:32,567
are forcy-worcing you
to bend and spread.

122
00:04:32,568 --> 00:04:33,709
Bend and spread?

123
00:04:33,710 --> 00:04:35,092
Are the thought police
gonna make love to us?

124
00:04:35,093 --> 00:04:36,929
Do they find thoughts in our butts?

125
00:04:36,942 --> 00:04:38,194
I knew I should have read that book.

126
00:04:38,195 --> 00:04:39,916
Britta, stop using the constitution

127
00:04:39,917 --> 00:04:41,043
as a baby blanket.

128
00:04:41,044 --> 00:04:43,250
Last week, she invoked the
Freedom of Information Act

129
00:04:43,251 --> 00:04:44,868
to request photocopies of my notes.

130
00:04:44,869 --> 00:04:46,131
That's pretty good.

131
00:04:46,132 --> 00:04:48,203
Well, excuse me for living free.

132
00:04:48,204 --> 00:04:50,033
Come on, Stoney, we all know
the pen's in your bag!

133
00:04:50,034 --> 00:04:52,344
- Yeah! Come on!
- Come on, dump it.

134
00:04:57,132 --> 00:04:58,207
Happy?

135
00:04:58,250 --> 00:04:59,650
Not if that's a used q-tip.

136
00:04:59,651 --> 00:05:00,619
- Eww.
- Oh!

137
00:05:02,500 --> 00:05:05,173
Welcome to the gross
business of martial law.

138
00:05:05,174 --> 00:05:08,056
Welcome to what used
to be individuality,

139
00:05:08,057 --> 00:05:11,192
seized and disintegrated
by cowardly groupthink.

140
00:05:11,193 --> 00:05:14,201
Welcome, my friends!
Welcome to the machine!

141
00:05:14,202 --> 00:05:16,116
Well, Annie, it looks like
you were wrong.

142
00:05:16,117 --> 00:05:18,283
Britta does come prepared for one thing.

143
00:05:18,779 --> 00:05:20,194
Or six.

144
00:05:20,380 --> 00:05:22,127
- Big weekend?
- Can't complain.

145
00:05:22,128 --> 00:05:23,703
Razzle pzazzle.

146
00:05:23,972 --> 00:05:25,476
Attention, students!

147
00:05:25,477 --> 00:05:28,181
The puppy parade is
starting on the quad!

148
00:05:28,182 --> 00:05:29,072
Better come quick.

149
00:05:29,073 --> 00:05:31,170
With every passing moment,
these puppies grow older

150
00:05:31,171 --> 00:05:32,857
and less deserving of our attention.

151
00:05:32,858 --> 00:05:33,702
Whoa whoa whoa!

152
00:05:33,703 --> 00:05:35,204
Where do you people think you're going?

153
00:05:35,205 --> 00:05:36,663
Uh, have you ever gone

154
00:05:36,664 --> 00:05:38,655
to a puppy parade
halfway through, Britta?

155
00:05:39,063 --> 00:05:40,214
It is pointless.

156
00:05:40,215 --> 00:05:41,768
Then you clearly stole the pen.

157
00:05:41,769 --> 00:05:43,660
The Patriot Act cuts both ways.

158
00:05:43,661 --> 00:05:45,353
Actually, it's pretty one-sided.

159
00:05:45,354 --> 00:05:46,373
That's kind of the point.

160
00:05:46,374 --> 00:05:47,278
Here's my point.

161
00:05:47,279 --> 00:05:49,105
Whoever's the pen thief
is just stood there

162
00:05:49,106 --> 00:05:50,748
and watched me get Guantanamoed.

163
00:05:50,749 --> 00:05:51,949
And I'd like to know who it is,

164
00:05:51,950 --> 00:05:54,946
so I can let them know that
they have lost my trust forever.

165
00:05:54,947 --> 00:05:55,864
It's a bottle episode.

166
00:05:55,865 --> 00:05:57,647
Britta, we're sorry we embarrassed you

167
00:05:57,648 --> 00:05:58,914
and looked at your
prophylactic equipment.

168
00:05:58,915 --> 00:06:01,413
Your lifestyle mistakes
are none of our business.

169
00:06:01,414 --> 00:06:02,712
Oh, thanks, Shirley.

170
00:06:02,713 --> 00:06:04,920
But now let's rustle through
your tampons and wallet

171
00:06:04,921 --> 00:06:06,377
so we can apologize to you.

172
00:06:06,378 --> 00:06:08,960
Oh, I'm sure everybody here
knows that I don't steal.

173
00:06:08,961 --> 00:06:10,241
Have you checked your bag, Shirley?

174
00:06:10,242 --> 00:06:11,772
If you took it by
mistake, I forgive you.

175
00:06:11,773 --> 00:06:13,658
Oh, so if I took it, it's larceny,

176
00:06:13,659 --> 00:06:16,058
but if you find it under
mother hen, it's a mistake.

177
00:06:16,059 --> 00:06:17,767
Mother hen? I think we're
about the same age.

178
00:06:17,768 --> 00:06:19,617
Sure, unless time is linear.

179
00:06:19,618 --> 00:06:20,682
I'll make your ass linear.

180
00:06:20,683 --> 00:06:21,736
That doesn't make any sense.

181
00:06:21,737 --> 00:06:22,787
I'll make ya ass sense.

182
00:06:22,788 --> 00:06:24,452
Girls, don't get your panties puckered.

183
00:06:24,453 --> 00:06:25,693
We all know what we're really thinking.

184
00:06:25,694 --> 00:06:28,719
If... and I mean if...
the culprit is among us,

185
00:06:28,720 --> 00:06:31,049
statistically speaking, it's Troy.

186
00:06:31,683 --> 00:06:35,853
Yes, we were all just
thinking that in 1856.

187
00:06:35,854 --> 00:06:37,359
1856.

188
00:06:38,270 --> 00:06:39,674
What if a ghost took the pen?

189
00:06:39,675 --> 00:06:41,219
- Please forgive him.
- For what?

190
00:06:41,220 --> 00:06:42,641
For stealing the pen, dummy.

191
00:06:42,642 --> 00:06:43,763
Why would I take her pen?

192
00:06:43,764 --> 00:06:45,367
I don't even like having my own.

193
00:06:45,368 --> 00:06:47,479
It's probably under
one of Pierce's casts.

194
00:06:47,480 --> 00:06:49,455
He uses everything to itch his legs.

195
00:06:49,456 --> 00:06:51,080
We're on our third DVD remote.

196
00:06:51,081 --> 00:06:52,626
If I took the pen, I'd say so.

197
00:06:52,627 --> 00:06:53,807
You probably forgot.

198
00:06:53,808 --> 00:06:55,606
You've been popping
painkillers like tic-tacs.

199
00:06:55,607 --> 00:06:57,061
Oh, yeah, right.

200
00:06:57,836 --> 00:07:01,339
"Side effects: Verbal dysphasia"

201
00:07:01,914 --> 00:07:03,479
"and octopus loss."

202
00:07:03,480 --> 00:07:06,213
I don't see anything on this
squirrel about memory, Troy.

203
00:07:06,214 --> 00:07:07,821
Now I want to know who has it.

204
00:07:07,822 --> 00:07:08,998
Yeah, nice try Shirley,

205
00:07:08,999 --> 00:07:10,409
that doesn't take you off the list.

206
00:07:10,410 --> 00:07:12,159
Jeff, you're in charge.

207
00:07:12,160 --> 00:07:13,516
I demand you deal with this

208
00:07:13,517 --> 00:07:14,794
There's nothing to deal with.

209
00:07:14,795 --> 00:07:15,595
I'll say.

210
00:07:15,596 --> 00:07:17,324
Ok, alright, alright.

211
00:07:17,574 --> 00:07:19,522
Everyone breathe.

212
00:07:22,268 --> 00:07:23,757
- You know what this is?
- Yep.

213
00:07:23,758 --> 00:07:25,840
Shut up. This is a normal day

214
00:07:25,841 --> 00:07:28,263
with a bunch of friends
who are done studying

215
00:07:28,264 --> 00:07:29,948
and a pen that maybe rolled away.

216
00:07:29,949 --> 00:07:32,285
- "Rolled away"?
- Or fell down someone's shoe.

217
00:07:32,286 --> 00:07:33,746
- Let's check shoes.
- Annie!

218
00:07:35,461 --> 00:07:37,306
Fine, fine.

219
00:07:37,977 --> 00:07:42,129
Someone in this room is hiding your pen.

220
00:07:42,130 --> 00:07:43,161
Want to know why?

221
00:07:43,162 --> 00:07:44,797
They feel terrible.

222
00:07:44,798 --> 00:07:46,232
They made a mistake.

223
00:07:46,233 --> 00:07:47,962
They waited too long come forward,

224
00:07:47,963 --> 00:07:49,129
and now they feel bad.

225
00:07:49,130 --> 00:07:50,361
- They should.
- Mm-hmm!

226
00:07:50,362 --> 00:07:53,133
Okay. Okay, so, pen thief,

227
00:07:53,134 --> 00:07:54,683
we understand what happened,

228
00:07:54,684 --> 00:07:55,861
and we forgive you.

229
00:07:55,862 --> 00:07:57,610
- If you confess and apologize!
- Yes.

230
00:07:57,778 --> 00:07:59,218
Right. But here's the trick.

231
00:07:59,219 --> 00:08:01,761
Because this person now has no reason

232
00:08:01,762 --> 00:08:03,338
not to come forward,

233
00:08:03,339 --> 00:08:05,648
if, by some chance,
I get to the count of three,

234
00:08:05,649 --> 00:08:08,767
and nobody comes forward, guess what.

235
00:08:08,768 --> 00:08:12,936
We have to accept that no
one has the pen, don't we?

236
00:08:13,541 --> 00:08:14,738
Don't we?

237
00:08:16,456 --> 00:08:18,511
Good so here we go.

238
00:08:19,117 --> 00:08:20,191
One.

239
00:08:22,558 --> 00:08:23,508
Two.

240
00:08:26,262 --> 00:08:28,528
Pierce, you have something to tell us?

241
00:08:28,529 --> 00:08:30,113
Yes. Is it me,

242
00:08:30,114 --> 00:08:32,257
or has it become really obvious
that Jeff took the pen.

243
00:08:32,258 --> 00:08:33,738
- Yes!
- Definitely.

244
00:08:34,011 --> 00:08:36,107
You want to make a bet, you jerks?

245
00:08:36,108 --> 00:08:38,591
Lockdown! Abed, seal the doors.

246
00:08:38,795 --> 00:08:41,810
Nobody leaves until this pen shows up.

247
00:08:41,811 --> 00:08:42,636
I don't like this.

248
00:08:42,637 --> 00:08:45,019
Yeah? Tell it to the pen
you might have.

249
00:08:45,087 --> 00:08:46,961
Gwynnifer? Hi. Yeah, it's me.

250
00:08:46,962 --> 00:08:48,317
I can't make it.

251
00:08:48,414 --> 00:08:50,720
Well, tell your disappointment
to suck it.

252
00:08:50,721 --> 00:08:52,822
I'm doing a bottle episode!

253
00:09:12,492 --> 00:09:13,514
Okay.

254
00:09:14,110 --> 00:09:15,197
You just became my hero.

255
00:09:15,198 --> 00:09:16,248
Thank you.

256
00:09:16,409 --> 00:09:17,562
No pen.

257
00:09:17,965 --> 00:09:18,920
I can see that.

258
00:09:18,921 --> 00:09:20,385
Why do you keep taking
that tone with me?

259
00:09:20,386 --> 00:09:21,335
Oh, I'll field that

260
00:09:21,384 --> 00:09:22,836
because if nobody else has this pen,

261
00:09:22,837 --> 00:09:24,725
it means at so point,
you realized you had it

262
00:09:24,726 --> 00:09:27,442
and were too embarrassed to say,
and we get to kill you.

263
00:09:27,443 --> 00:09:30,821
I'm not hiding my own pen,
you paranoid weirdo.

264
00:09:30,882 --> 00:09:32,353
Everybody stay within each
other's eyelines, please.

265
00:09:32,354 --> 00:09:33,302
One of you's a monster.

266
00:09:33,303 --> 00:09:35,265
- Me next, right?
- Hold on.

267
00:09:35,367 --> 00:09:36,348
Can we please consider

268
00:09:36,349 --> 00:09:37,806
the threshold that we are crossing?

269
00:09:37,807 --> 00:09:39,901
We don't trust Abed?

270
00:09:40,417 --> 00:09:41,759
He shredded my backpack.

271
00:09:41,760 --> 00:09:42,804
He freed my pet monkey.

272
00:09:42,805 --> 00:09:44,219
Because we corrupted him.

273
00:09:44,220 --> 00:09:45,479
He's our innocent.

274
00:09:45,480 --> 00:09:46,570
He put gum in your hair.

275
00:09:46,571 --> 00:09:47,576
Empty the bag, Abed.

276
00:09:47,577 --> 00:09:48,387
Uh, Pierce,

277
00:09:48,388 --> 00:09:50,475
- you don't have a bag?
- Giraffe.

278
00:09:50,476 --> 00:09:52,264
Uh, Jeff, you don't have a bag?

279
00:09:52,488 --> 00:09:53,953
Oh, I could never deprive the world

280
00:09:53,954 --> 00:09:56,078
of the portion of my chest
the strap would cover.

281
00:09:56,079 --> 00:09:57,437
Makes sense. So what's left?

282
00:09:57,438 --> 00:09:59,358
Shirley, a little hugging and crying,
and then we're done?

283
00:09:59,359 --> 00:10:02,447
Wait, Abed, why is my name in here?

284
00:10:02,448 --> 00:10:03,169
That's mine.

285
00:10:03,170 --> 00:10:05,825
And Shirley's and Annie's?

286
00:10:05,826 --> 00:10:06,538
What is it?

287
00:10:06,539 --> 00:10:07,209
Charts.

288
00:10:07,210 --> 00:10:08,936
Some kind of calendar?

289
00:10:08,937 --> 00:10:10,366
That's my personal private business.

290
00:10:10,842 --> 00:10:15,009
Annie, 4 on, 28 off,
next, November 10th.

291
00:10:15,010 --> 00:10:17,831
Britta, 5 on, 27 off...

292
00:10:17,863 --> 00:10:21,788
Oh my God. Are you charting
our menstrual cycles?

293
00:10:21,789 --> 00:10:22,889
What?!

294
00:10:22,890 --> 00:10:23,877
Gross!

295
00:10:23,878 --> 00:10:25,583
Abed, this is so personal!

296
00:10:25,584 --> 00:10:26,671
And so accurate.

297
00:10:26,672 --> 00:10:27,814
Abed, this is really creepy.

298
00:10:27,815 --> 00:10:29,346
I don't understand
why you would do this.

299
00:10:29,347 --> 00:10:30,407
I can explain.

300
00:10:31,270 --> 00:10:32,844
Oh. I thought you'd keep
yelling over me.

301
00:10:32,845 --> 00:10:33,985
Okay, I can explain.

302
00:10:33,986 --> 00:10:35,174
You know I have trouble reading people,

303
00:10:35,175 --> 00:10:36,377
and say the wrong things, sometimes,

304
00:10:36,378 --> 00:10:37,958
and I noticed it was happening
more often with you three

305
00:10:37,959 --> 00:10:39,329
than it was with the others.

306
00:10:39,330 --> 00:10:40,901
And then I noticed fluctuating patterns,

307
00:10:40,902 --> 00:10:41,966
and I started graphing them,

308
00:10:41,967 --> 00:10:44,251
and by the time I realized
what I was actually measuring,

309
00:10:44,252 --> 00:10:47,182
it had started to yield really
positive results for everybody,

310
00:10:47,183 --> 00:10:48,240
so I kept doing it.

311
00:10:48,241 --> 00:10:49,819
Were you ever gonna tell us about this?

312
00:10:49,820 --> 00:10:52,308
I... I feel so violated.

313
00:10:54,652 --> 00:10:55,728
More chocolate?

314
00:10:57,232 --> 00:10:59,242
Oh! Get away from me!

315
00:10:59,243 --> 00:11:00,838
Abed just became my hero.

316
00:11:01,679 --> 00:11:03,245
- Can I have a little...
- No!

317
00:11:03,246 --> 00:11:04,175
Sheesh.

318
00:11:04,176 --> 00:11:06,054
Guess it's true what they say
about the sync-up.

319
00:11:06,729 --> 00:11:07,877
Okay, if I could just take this time

320
00:11:07,878 --> 00:11:08,986
to share a few words of sarcasm

321
00:11:08,987 --> 00:11:10,553
with whoever it is that took this pen.

322
00:11:10,554 --> 00:11:12,545
I want to say thank you
for doing this to me

323
00:11:13,016 --> 00:11:14,053
for a while I thought
I'd have to suffer

324
00:11:14,054 --> 00:11:14,949
through a puppy parade,

325
00:11:14,950 --> 00:11:16,461
but I much prefer being entombed alive

326
00:11:16,462 --> 00:11:17,403
in a mausoleum of feelings

327
00:11:17,404 --> 00:11:19,493
I can neither understand
nor reciprocate.

328
00:11:19,753 --> 00:11:21,757
So whoever you are,
can I get you anything?

329
00:11:21,910 --> 00:11:23,214
Ice cream? Best friend medal?

330
00:11:23,215 --> 00:11:24,616
Anything? Mm-mmm?

331
00:11:25,301 --> 00:11:27,171
Okay, sarcasm over.

332
00:11:27,172 --> 00:11:28,091
You're last up, Shirley.

333
00:11:28,092 --> 00:11:29,724
Dump your comedically
huge bag and end this.

334
00:11:29,725 --> 00:11:31,654
Uh, no, thank you.

335
00:11:34,432 --> 00:11:37,407
Well, well, well, Harvey Keitel.

336
00:11:37,408 --> 00:11:40,345
Well, what do you know,
Henry David Thoreau.

337
00:11:40,346 --> 00:11:43,898
My oh my, Mike Tyson

338
00:11:44,794 --> 00:11:45,677
just empty the bag.

339
00:11:45,678 --> 00:11:47,447
No! I don't have Annie's pen.

340
00:11:47,448 --> 00:11:49,705
I'm simply a Christian woman
that doesn't open her bag.

341
00:11:49,706 --> 00:11:51,652
What did the Christian woman
think would happen

342
00:11:51,653 --> 00:11:53,047
when we got to her bag?

343
00:11:53,048 --> 00:11:54,685
The Christian woman thought
you'd find it on the Muslim.

344
00:11:54,686 --> 00:11:55,587
Real nice!

345
00:11:55,588 --> 00:11:57,070
Nicer than you, condom carrier!

346
00:11:57,071 --> 00:11:59,418
- Dump the bag or you're guilty!
- No!

347
00:11:59,945 --> 00:12:01,718
Oh, Lord, he's thrown a clot!

348
00:12:01,719 --> 00:12:02,752
Pierce! Call 911!

349
00:12:04,535 --> 00:12:06,399
No! No! No!

350
00:12:06,400 --> 00:12:08,055
Pierce, you didn't need to do that.

351
00:12:08,056 --> 00:12:08,986
Yes, I did.

352
00:12:08,987 --> 00:12:10,387
All you guys do is talk,

353
00:12:10,388 --> 00:12:12,158
leaving me to do the
things you won't do.

354
00:12:12,159 --> 00:12:13,342
People like you are the reason

355
00:12:13,343 --> 00:12:15,612
we took so long to get into Vietnam.

356
00:12:17,592 --> 00:12:19,579
Is this what you were
trying to hide, Shirley?

357
00:12:20,035 --> 00:12:21,722
A pregnancy test?

358
00:12:21,723 --> 00:12:22,969
And more importantly,

359
00:12:22,970 --> 00:12:25,825
are they seriously marketing
pregnancy tests to black women

360
00:12:25,826 --> 00:12:27,711
guys! This is a terribly childish way

361
00:12:27,712 --> 00:12:29,702
to handle this kind of situation.

362
00:12:31,270 --> 00:12:32,409
Does this mean you have a new boyfriend?

363
00:12:32,410 --> 00:12:33,615
Who, who, who?

364
00:12:34,665 --> 00:12:37,148
Not that it's, uh, anyone's business...

365
00:12:37,209 --> 00:12:40,487
I recently reconnected with
my husband over Labor Day,

366
00:12:40,488 --> 00:12:42,212
and it seems the Lord
may have a plan for us

367
00:12:42,213 --> 00:12:44,660
that doesn't include that
stripper slut he ran away with.

368
00:12:44,661 --> 00:12:46,146
You're not pregnant, Shirley.
It's impossible.

369
00:12:46,147 --> 00:12:47,535
Why does everybody think I'm old?

370
00:12:47,536 --> 00:12:49,367
I'm around Jeff's age!
I have a uterus!

371
00:12:49,368 --> 00:12:50,523
No, no. According to my charts,

372
00:12:50,524 --> 00:12:51,642
you couldn't have
conceived Labor Day weekend

373
00:12:51,643 --> 00:12:54,340
you would have been
ovulating on Halloween.

374
00:12:54,819 --> 00:12:56,319
Which is just as well,
because if you're gonna have

375
00:12:56,320 --> 00:12:57,117
a pregnant woman in one of these,

376
00:12:57,118 --> 00:12:58,876
I say go elevator labor or go home.

377
00:12:58,877 --> 00:12:59,964
Halloween?

378
00:13:00,598 --> 00:13:02,025
Well, that's that, then.

379
00:13:02,026 --> 00:13:03,018
Yeah, what a relief.

380
00:13:03,019 --> 00:13:04,321
Looks like someone narrowly avoided

381
00:13:04,322 --> 00:13:05,858
a "lifestyle mistake" of their own.

382
00:13:05,859 --> 00:13:09,184
Oh! Or is it only bad if
you sleep with unmarried men?

383
00:13:09,185 --> 00:13:11,074
The Bible doesn't
recognize divorce, Britta!

384
00:13:11,075 --> 00:13:12,614
When you marry a man, he's your man!

385
00:13:12,615 --> 00:13:13,960
Yeah, and after he marries someone else,

386
00:13:13,961 --> 00:13:16,224
if you jump into the sack
with him, you're an angel,

387
00:13:16,225 --> 00:13:18,626
so long as you don't use protection?

388
00:13:18,627 --> 00:13:21,021
I'm so glad you're enjoying this.

389
00:13:21,022 --> 00:13:23,684
And I hope whoever stole
that pen enjoys it in hell!

390
00:13:25,102 --> 00:13:27,519
- Nice try, Stephen Fry.
- "Stephen Fry."

391
00:13:27,520 --> 00:13:28,866
We all have an agreement.

392
00:13:28,867 --> 00:13:30,783
Nobody leaves till we find it.

393
00:13:32,593 --> 00:13:34,218
- Oh
- Get off. Here we go.

394
00:13:34,219 --> 00:13:36,168
We are gonna find this pen!

395
00:13:36,169 --> 00:13:39,483
We are gonna find that pen!

396
00:13:39,484 --> 00:13:41,710
- Oh!
- And if we can't find it,

397
00:13:41,711 --> 00:13:43,836
our children will find it!

398
00:13:43,837 --> 00:13:45,591
Is it over here in these books?

399
00:13:45,592 --> 00:13:49,219
This pen? This incredible, magical pen

400
00:13:49,220 --> 00:13:51,793
that nobody knows how
it could disappear?

401
00:13:51,898 --> 00:13:53,721
Oh, maybe it's right in here!

402
00:13:53,722 --> 00:13:55,800
Guys, this is school property!

403
00:13:55,801 --> 00:13:57,742
Can we just forget it?

404
00:13:58,084 --> 00:13:59,397
It's a pen!

405
00:14:09,068 --> 00:14:10,892
It's a pen now?

406
00:14:12,561 --> 00:14:13,544
Really?

407
00:14:14,356 --> 00:14:16,619
It's not a principle anymore

408
00:14:16,718 --> 00:14:18,273
now it's a pen?

409
00:14:20,733 --> 00:14:22,424
Why the change of heart?

410
00:14:23,481 --> 00:14:25,346
You're not seriously accusing me.

411
00:14:25,347 --> 00:14:26,940
We searched my bag!

412
00:14:26,941 --> 00:14:29,350
Which is exactly the
last place you'd put it

413
00:14:29,351 --> 00:14:31,710
if you found it halfway
through all this.

414
00:14:31,711 --> 00:14:34,670
In fact, assuming that one
of us does have the pen,

415
00:14:34,671 --> 00:14:37,062
who among us has the most incentive

416
00:14:37,063 --> 00:14:39,249
to make sure it never
sees the light of day?

417
00:14:39,250 --> 00:14:40,472
- You want to go there?
- Yeah.

418
00:14:40,473 --> 00:14:41,657
- I'll go there.
- Okay.

419
00:14:41,658 --> 00:14:42,936
- I was born there.
- Really?

420
00:14:42,937 --> 00:14:45,476
There's a placard the commemorating me!

421
00:14:46,116 --> 00:14:48,023
What's going on, and how can I help?

422
00:14:48,344 --> 00:14:49,605
Anie, relax.

423
00:14:49,606 --> 00:14:50,750
No, you relax, Jeff.

424
00:14:50,751 --> 00:14:53,690
Or are you scared that if
you do, my pen will fall out?

425
00:14:54,184 --> 00:14:55,996
You precocious little bitch!

426
00:14:56,294 --> 00:14:57,329
Okay, guys, guys! Hey!

427
00:14:57,330 --> 00:14:58,354
Guys, stop!

428
00:14:58,355 --> 00:14:59,866
You're being complely illogical!

429
00:15:00,282 --> 00:15:01,932
We need to flip up the table,
divide the group by gender,

430
00:15:01,933 --> 00:15:03,452
and then search each
other in our underwear.

431
00:15:03,453 --> 00:15:04,474
What?

432
00:15:05,913 --> 00:15:06,931
Now what?

433
00:15:06,932 --> 00:15:09,515
Everybody shake. Enough to dislodge.

434
00:15:13,062 --> 00:15:14,382
Okay, anything hit the floor?

435
00:15:14,522 --> 00:15:15,661
No.

436
00:15:15,999 --> 00:15:17,227
What are those underwear made out of?

437
00:15:17,228 --> 00:15:18,386
They look luxurious.

438
00:15:18,387 --> 00:15:20,241
Oh. They're an organic
soy-cotton blend.

439
00:15:20,242 --> 00:15:22,227
This Gwynnifer must be real special.

440
00:15:22,228 --> 00:15:23,260
Don't you usually wear

441
00:15:23,261 --> 00:15:25,376
the stripey turquoise
beetlejuice numbers?

442
00:15:25,377 --> 00:15:26,456
What does she mean "usually"?

443
00:15:26,457 --> 00:15:29,453
All right, end of the road.

444
00:15:29,454 --> 00:15:30,657
We've torn apart the room,

445
00:15:30,658 --> 00:15:31,995
we've stripped.

446
00:15:31,996 --> 00:15:35,908
There is absolutely no place left...

447
00:15:37,607 --> 00:15:38,616
No.

448
00:15:39,894 --> 00:15:40,848
No!

449
00:15:45,906 --> 00:15:46,618
No.

450
00:15:46,619 --> 00:15:49,033
Noooooo! No!

451
00:15:51,336 --> 00:15:53,380
Damn it. Broke my scissors.

452
00:15:53,825 --> 00:15:56,303
Here. Be careful.

453
00:15:56,304 --> 00:15:57,974
This is the last pair we have.

454
00:15:58,759 --> 00:16:00,378
Also, don't cut his legs.

455
00:16:02,168 --> 00:16:03,659
I'm worried we've gone too far.

456
00:16:03,660 --> 00:16:05,510
This is how super villains are created.

457
00:16:05,511 --> 00:16:07,647
Can't you just make an inspiring
Winger speech about trust,

458
00:16:07,648 --> 00:16:09,459
throw in a few digs at
an easy celebrity target,

459
00:16:09,460 --> 00:16:10,798
and put a ribbon on this thing?

460
00:16:11,031 --> 00:16:13,817
Abed, think about this for one second

461
00:16:13,818 --> 00:16:15,592
if a single one of us leaves this room

462
00:16:15,593 --> 00:16:17,062
before we find that pen,

463
00:16:17,084 --> 00:16:20,728
how can any of us trust anyone
in this group ever again?

464
00:16:22,882 --> 00:16:24,031
What's your hurry?

465
00:16:24,032 --> 00:16:25,446
I'm clothing myself.

466
00:16:25,447 --> 00:16:27,444
I'm not comfortable standing
around in my all-together

467
00:16:27,445 --> 00:16:28,955
like you two anorex jeze...

468
00:16:28,956 --> 00:16:31,103
Oh! I'm so sorry.

469
00:16:31,146 --> 00:16:32,471
That was really mean.

470
00:16:32,581 --> 00:16:34,152
I don't know where that came from.

471
00:16:34,153 --> 00:16:35,780
We've all been through a lot today.

472
00:16:35,781 --> 00:16:38,392
And I'm sure this pregnancy scare

473
00:16:38,393 --> 00:16:40,726
been weighing on you all week, right?

474
00:16:41,243 --> 00:16:44,024
And maybe that's why you took my pen?

475
00:16:44,025 --> 00:16:44,748
What?!

476
00:16:44,749 --> 00:16:46,063
Where are you hiding it, judgy beans?

477
00:16:47,102 --> 00:16:49,508
All right, here we go.

478
00:16:54,167 --> 00:16:56,267
It smells like a Waffle House sink!

479
00:16:56,268 --> 00:16:59,657
Pierce, are you using Slim Jims
to scratch your legs?

480
00:16:59,658 --> 00:17:03,308
Have we not gotten to a
place free of judgment yet?

481
00:17:03,772 --> 00:17:05,155
This isn't it, this isn't it.

482
00:17:05,156 --> 00:17:06,218
Where is it? Where's the pen?

483
00:17:06,219 --> 00:17:07,390
Where's the pen?!

484
00:17:07,991 --> 00:17:09,298
Where's the pen?

485
00:17:11,058 --> 00:17:11,612
Great.

486
00:17:11,613 --> 00:17:13,099
It's getting a little chilly outside,

487
00:17:13,100 --> 00:17:15,660
so the animal wranglers
have asked that every student

488
00:17:15,661 --> 00:17:17,081
pick up a puppy and hold it,

489
00:17:17,082 --> 00:17:19,177
so they stay warm while the volunteers

490
00:17:19,178 --> 00:17:21,313
hand out tiny, puppy-sized hats.

491
00:17:21,390 --> 00:17:24,649
Honestly, I don't know why I'm even
making these announcements.

492
00:17:24,650 --> 00:17:28,118
There can't be anyone who
isn't already on the quad!

493
00:17:38,186 --> 00:17:39,396
Annie, I'd just like to say,

494
00:17:39,397 --> 00:17:42,015
on behalf of whoever
actually stole this pen,

495
00:17:42,016 --> 00:17:44,311
I real am sorry about all this.

496
00:17:44,312 --> 00:17:45,524
I knew it was you.

497
00:17:45,525 --> 00:17:46,507
I knew it was you.

498
00:17:46,508 --> 00:17:48,360
All I know is it could be any of you.

499
00:17:48,361 --> 00:17:50,791
And for all we know, it's you.

500
00:17:50,792 --> 00:17:53,033
I wish it were. I really do.

501
00:17:53,034 --> 00:17:55,314
I wish I could just
find it behind my ear.

502
00:17:55,315 --> 00:17:57,266
I'd rather be that stupid
than think that anyone of us

503
00:17:57,267 --> 00:17:59,189
might be this inconsiderate.

504
00:17:59,581 --> 00:18:02,321
After all we've been through,
it almost seems impossible.

505
00:18:04,408 --> 00:18:08,089
It seems less than impossible.

506
00:18:08,907 --> 00:18:10,765
Something impossible

507
00:18:11,232 --> 00:18:13,018
actual seems more likely.

508
00:18:13,643 --> 00:18:14,736
Here we go.

509
00:18:14,762 --> 00:18:16,294
Winger speech to take us home.

510
00:18:16,715 --> 00:18:18,092
What if a ghost took the pen?

511
00:18:18,093 --> 00:18:19,842
- Let him finish
- I am finished.

512
00:18:19,912 --> 00:18:22,575
For real, honestly, seriously, why not?

513
00:18:22,576 --> 00:18:24,814
Why not just "a ghost took the pen"?

514
00:18:24,815 --> 00:18:27,433
Okay, I've been saying that for hours.

515
00:18:27,434 --> 00:18:29,680
And we should've listening
to Troy from the beginning.

516
00:18:29,685 --> 00:18:31,396
Guys, look in your hearts

517
00:18:31,397 --> 00:18:33,369
and answer this question honestly:

518
00:18:33,370 --> 00:18:34,879
What's more likely?

519
00:18:35,001 --> 00:18:37,822
That someone in this group
doesn't belong in this group?

520
00:18:37,823 --> 00:18:39,477
Or ghosts?

521
00:18:39,478 --> 00:18:41,668
If we have to choose between
turning on each other

522
00:18:41,669 --> 00:18:43,663
or pinning it on some specter

523
00:18:43,664 --> 00:18:45,769
with unfinished, pen-related business,

524
00:18:45,770 --> 00:18:48,581
I'm sorry, but my money's on ghost.

525
00:18:49,875 --> 00:18:52,130
Well, I'm not a religious person,

526
00:18:52,131 --> 00:18:54,260
but I've seen specials
on the paranormal.

527
00:18:54,261 --> 00:18:55,517
Anything's possible.

528
00:18:55,518 --> 00:18:57,347
Relative to the alternative,

529
00:18:57,746 --> 00:19:00,385
it actually seems more logical to me.

530
00:19:00,386 --> 00:19:02,865
Why would a ghost want a pen?

531
00:19:07,020 --> 00:19:07,986
Troy?

532
00:19:09,707 --> 00:19:10,665
Okay.

533
00:19:10,971 --> 00:19:14,014
So I see it as a lot like
the movie paranormal activity,

534
00:19:14,147 --> 00:19:17,152
except for more boring and fancy.

535
00:19:17,220 --> 00:19:19,732
And I think in 1856,

536
00:19:19,733 --> 00:19:21,927
it is possible that a man was beheaded

537
00:19:21,928 --> 00:19:23,418
while he was writing in his diary

538
00:19:23,419 --> 00:19:25,452
to his long lost love,

539
00:19:25,547 --> 00:19:27,556
and now he roams the halls of Greendale

540
00:19:27,557 --> 00:19:29,973
screaming for his pen so he
can write her a love letter.

541
00:19:29,974 --> 00:19:32,647
"I need her! I need her!" he screams,

542
00:19:32,648 --> 00:19:34,360
as he looked for a pen.

543
00:19:44,336 --> 00:19:46,781
What the hell did you
people do in there?

544
00:19:48,460 --> 00:19:50,424
Something you and your puppies
could only dream of

545
00:19:50,425 --> 00:19:52,160
you non-miraculous son of a bitch.

546
00:19:54,391 --> 00:19:55,798
Non-miraculous?

547
00:19:56,261 --> 00:19:58,297
Wait! Abed!

548
00:20:36,376 --> 00:20:40,076
Now, who could resist falling
in love with our next float?

549
00:20:40,248 --> 00:20:42,776
This autumn colors puppy
reminds us that

550
00:20:42,777 --> 00:20:44,670
while the leaves
might be changing,

551
00:20:44,671 --> 00:20:48,171
responsible pet ownership
is always in season.

552
00:20:48,533 --> 00:20:52,464
Oh, here's a crowd favorite,
the Top and Tails float.

553
00:20:52,465 --> 00:20:55,265
A champagne bath
and a red sports car?

554
00:20:55,512 --> 00:20:57,076
Let's hope he's single.

555
00:20:57,077 --> 00:20:59,665
Ok... Oh, okay. Well...

556
00:20:59,666 --> 00:21:02,345
This one feels
a little preachy. Oh.

557
00:21:02,347 --> 00:21:05,747
Boo! Boo!