1 00:00:05,677 --> 00:00:07,213 Hey, Buzzby, how are you today? 2 00:00:07,214 --> 00:00:08,708 Not so great, Bumbleton. 3 00:00:08,709 --> 00:00:10,244 I have a ton of pollen to collect, 4 00:00:10,245 --> 00:00:11,700 but I'm really tired. 5 00:00:11,701 --> 00:00:14,260 Flying a little low? Maybe you should get high. 6 00:00:14,261 --> 00:00:16,948 - Who's this? - This is Drugs. 7 00:00:16,949 --> 00:00:18,748 - Aren't drugs bad? - No way. 8 00:00:18,749 --> 00:00:21,477 Drugs are like special honey. They give you a buzzzzz. 9 00:00:21,478 --> 00:00:23,309 Don't call me honey, honey. 10 00:00:23,310 --> 00:00:24,367 Pierce! 11 00:00:24,796 --> 00:00:25,884 Drugs doesn't say that. 12 00:00:25,885 --> 00:00:28,124 I don't say anything, by the way. 13 00:00:28,125 --> 00:00:30,625 I mean, I thought this show was about drug awareness. 14 00:00:30,626 --> 00:00:33,071 Who's gonna be aware of a character that has no lines? 15 00:00:33,195 --> 00:00:36,273 And also I noticed on page 15 I get flushed down the toilet. 16 00:00:36,274 --> 00:00:37,949 Consider yourself lucky. 17 00:00:37,950 --> 00:00:40,322 Annie, question. Is Pierce marijuana? 18 00:00:40,323 --> 00:00:42,048 And does marijuana help people work faster? 19 00:00:42,049 --> 00:00:43,445 I thought it made them just custom-paint their vans 20 00:00:43,446 --> 00:00:44,286 and solve mysteries. 21 00:00:44,287 --> 00:00:46,742 Also, are you sure that my costume is on backwards? 22 00:00:46,743 --> 00:00:48,861 Somehow I felt more confident before. 23 00:00:48,862 --> 00:00:50,941 I have a question. I don't think my character 24 00:00:50,942 --> 00:00:52,270 would say "tripping balls." 25 00:00:52,271 --> 00:00:53,112 That's not a question. 26 00:00:53,113 --> 00:00:54,080 I don't think my character 27 00:00:54,081 --> 00:00:56,079 would say tripping balls, okay? 28 00:00:56,080 --> 00:00:58,626 Guys, let's remember why we're doing this. 29 00:00:58,627 --> 00:01:00,934 If our work helps even one kid make better choices, 30 00:01:00,935 --> 00:01:02,738 then it will all be worth it. 31 00:01:02,767 --> 00:01:05,048 I wish I had seen a show like this when I was younger. 32 00:01:05,049 --> 00:01:06,828 It might have helped me avoid my mistakes. 33 00:01:06,829 --> 00:01:08,630 Well, we're happy to do this for you, Annie, 34 00:01:08,631 --> 00:01:11,068 but I have to say, my school had plenty of shows like this, 35 00:01:11,069 --> 00:01:13,687 and I think sitting through them drove me to drugs. 36 00:01:13,688 --> 00:01:14,594 You don't count, Britta. 37 00:01:14,595 --> 00:01:16,163 You don't respond to anything appropriately. 38 00:01:16,164 --> 00:01:17,567 Thank you! 39 00:01:18,163 --> 00:01:19,984 Dean-dong! 40 00:01:21,131 --> 00:01:22,493 I'm just checking in to see 41 00:01:22,494 --> 00:01:25,112 how the Greendale antidrug players are doing. 42 00:01:25,290 --> 00:01:26,800 Now, I talked to the guidance counselor 43 00:01:26,801 --> 00:01:27,823 at the San Ramone middle school, 44 00:01:27,824 --> 00:01:29,980 and there's gonna be at least 50 45 00:01:29,981 --> 00:01:32,209 little at-risk rug rats coming here tomorrow 46 00:01:32,210 --> 00:01:33,346 for your big world premiere. 47 00:01:33,347 --> 00:01:35,099 That is terrific. 48 00:01:35,100 --> 00:01:36,323 So with any luck, we can get rid of 49 00:01:36,324 --> 00:01:38,991 all those Charleston Chews in the vending machines. 50 00:01:39,593 --> 00:01:42,852 Um, dean Pelton, were you hoping to participate 51 00:01:42,853 --> 00:01:45,139 - in the show? - Oh, I would love to, Annie. 52 00:01:45,140 --> 00:01:46,473 But as you can see from my outfit, 53 00:01:46,474 --> 00:01:50,163 I already have plans, so off to the airport Ramada! 54 00:01:52,319 --> 00:01:54,402 How come he gets a front stinger? 55 00:01:55,304 --> 00:01:59,804 Community 2x13 - Celebrity Pharmacology 56 00:01:59,805 --> 00:02:04,325 Sync by vNaru - Corrected by addic7ed.com www.addic7ed.com 57 00:02:23,670 --> 00:02:25,417 Do you think bees eat their own honey? 58 00:02:25,500 --> 00:02:27,032 I'm sure they've at least tasted it. 59 00:02:27,033 --> 00:02:29,796 - This guy keeps texting me. - You don't like him? 60 00:02:29,797 --> 00:02:31,861 I don't like flirting in text. 61 00:02:31,866 --> 00:02:34,319 That's like saying you don't work by electric light. 62 00:02:34,320 --> 00:02:35,998 If you want to have an active sex life, 63 00:02:35,999 --> 00:02:36,810 part of it is texting. 64 00:02:36,811 --> 00:02:39,044 Hmm. I don't remember asking your opinion. 65 00:02:39,045 --> 00:02:40,253 Can't talk now. 66 00:02:40,254 --> 00:02:44,010 Shirley, since I might be the father of your unborn child, 67 00:02:44,063 --> 00:02:45,915 I made you a mix tape. 68 00:02:45,992 --> 00:02:47,732 I hope you like Johnny Gill. 69 00:02:47,958 --> 00:02:50,805 And since you probably don't have a cassette player, 70 00:02:50,855 --> 00:02:53,623 here's a list of used ones on Craigslist. 71 00:02:53,624 --> 00:02:55,253 Britta, are you walking out of this room? 72 00:02:55,254 --> 00:02:56,932 Uh... yeah. 73 00:02:58,811 --> 00:03:00,426 Hey... you know that you're gonna 74 00:03:00,427 --> 00:03:01,745 have to acknowledge him eventually. 75 00:03:01,746 --> 00:03:02,816 I don't know who you're talking about. 76 00:03:02,817 --> 00:03:05,494 - Chang. - I know who you're talking about... He doesn't exist! 77 00:03:08,335 --> 00:03:09,690 - Um, Annie? - Ooh! 78 00:03:09,885 --> 00:03:11,537 - I'm sorry. A word? - Mm-hmm! 79 00:03:11,553 --> 00:03:12,185 I don't know if you know this, 80 00:03:12,186 --> 00:03:15,779 but I did TV commercials for Hawthorne Wipes... 81 00:03:15,780 --> 00:03:17,548 family business... in the fifties. 82 00:03:17,549 --> 00:03:18,396 Oh! 83 00:03:18,397 --> 00:03:21,604 I was kind of the Gerber Baby of moist towelettes. 84 00:03:21,921 --> 00:03:23,297 - That's great, Pierce. - Yeah, yeah. 85 00:03:23,421 --> 00:03:25,165 Oh, I've done a lot of acting. 86 00:03:25,166 --> 00:03:26,452 - Workshops. - Mm! 87 00:03:26,453 --> 00:03:29,464 I do physical comedy. Funny dances. 88 00:03:29,837 --> 00:03:31,892 - Foreign accents. - Accents? 89 00:03:31,893 --> 00:03:33,285 Name any country. 90 00:03:33,470 --> 00:03:34,529 Russia. 91 00:03:34,790 --> 00:03:35,390 Point being, 92 00:03:35,391 --> 00:03:37,132 there are many tools I can bring to the table 93 00:03:37,133 --> 00:03:39,200 that I think the script may be wasting. 94 00:03:39,201 --> 00:03:40,244 Pierce, you know what I think 95 00:03:40,245 --> 00:03:42,160 is really great about this show? 96 00:03:42,509 --> 00:03:45,538 The only real star of it is the message. 97 00:03:45,749 --> 00:03:47,831 Right. Uh... is the message Jeff Winger? 98 00:03:47,832 --> 00:03:49,966 Because he's on every page of this thing. 99 00:03:49,967 --> 00:03:51,626 - I'll see you tomorrow. - Uh... 100 00:03:51,631 --> 00:03:52,602 You bet. 101 00:03:56,487 --> 00:03:57,494 Oh, Britta left her phone. 102 00:03:57,495 --> 00:03:59,359 - She's getting a text message. - Let me see. 103 00:04:00,107 --> 00:04:02,127 - Oh. It's from Marcus. - Mm. 104 00:04:02,128 --> 00:04:03,931 "I'll be at the show tomorrow night. 105 00:04:03,932 --> 00:04:05,701 "Can't wait to see you. 106 00:04:05,850 --> 00:04:08,942 Are you really wearing a cat costume?" 107 00:04:09,050 --> 00:04:10,310 - Mm. - Well, Marcus... 108 00:04:10,396 --> 00:04:12,595 You are in luck. 109 00:04:12,596 --> 00:04:13,321 What are you doing? 110 00:04:13,322 --> 00:04:16,533 Dragging Britta kicking and screaming into 1997. 111 00:04:16,534 --> 00:04:17,811 - What did you say? - "There's not much 112 00:04:17,812 --> 00:04:19,003 "to the cat costume, 113 00:04:19,004 --> 00:04:21,873 but can't wait to show you what's underneath." 114 00:04:23,896 --> 00:04:25,283 How could you think that was a good idea? 115 00:04:25,284 --> 00:04:26,540 - I got a better question. - Mm-hmm. 116 00:04:26,541 --> 00:04:28,432 How could it not be a great idea? 117 00:05:10,989 --> 00:05:11,968 What... 118 00:05:14,244 --> 00:05:16,798 Pierce... what are you doing here? 119 00:05:16,799 --> 00:05:18,116 Never mind that. 120 00:05:18,374 --> 00:05:20,052 There's a rapist in the hallway. 121 00:05:20,053 --> 00:05:21,117 That's my landlord. 122 00:05:21,118 --> 00:05:23,328 And if he wanted to rape you, you'd be raped. 123 00:05:23,329 --> 00:05:24,662 Did you follow me? 124 00:05:24,663 --> 00:05:26,972 Let me answer your question with two of my own. 125 00:05:26,973 --> 00:05:29,985 What are you doing in an apartment above Dildopolis? 126 00:05:30,156 --> 00:05:32,360 And when did they open a second location? 127 00:05:32,365 --> 00:05:33,740 This is where I live, Pierce. 128 00:05:33,741 --> 00:05:36,447 It just happens to be above a marital aid store. 129 00:05:36,448 --> 00:05:39,507 I don't get it. Aren't everyone's parents rich? 130 00:05:39,559 --> 00:05:41,297 Well, I'm not speaking to my parents. 131 00:05:41,298 --> 00:05:42,703 After my nervous breakdown, 132 00:05:42,704 --> 00:05:44,311 my mom wanted to put the problem behind us, 133 00:05:44,312 --> 00:05:46,611 and I wanted to deal with it, so I went to rehab, 134 00:05:46,612 --> 00:05:48,089 and she cut me off. 135 00:05:48,090 --> 00:05:49,114 What are you living on? 136 00:05:49,115 --> 00:05:51,459 I saved. Every penny from babysitting, 137 00:05:51,460 --> 00:05:52,801 every birthday check, 138 00:05:52,802 --> 00:05:55,255 every dollar from the Period Fairy when I was a kid. 139 00:05:55,339 --> 00:05:57,195 I guess I thought it would last longer. 140 00:05:57,196 --> 00:05:59,201 Excuse me. What's a Period Fairy? 141 00:05:59,596 --> 00:06:01,188 The fairy that gives you a dollar 142 00:06:01,189 --> 00:06:02,858 every time you get your period. 143 00:06:03,068 --> 00:06:03,939 Does she still come? 144 00:06:03,940 --> 00:06:05,337 - Pierce! - You know, 145 00:06:05,338 --> 00:06:07,783 you and I are very much alike, Annie. 146 00:06:07,978 --> 00:06:10,315 We're both realists. We're both cute. 147 00:06:10,659 --> 00:06:14,261 And we'd both rather die than let someone else control us. 148 00:06:14,529 --> 00:06:16,536 I see the point of this place now. 149 00:06:17,553 --> 00:06:19,360 This crap hole is a monument 150 00:06:19,361 --> 00:06:20,893 to self-reliance. 151 00:06:22,264 --> 00:06:23,403 I found the drapes in a dumpster. 152 00:06:23,404 --> 00:06:24,616 Can you believe it? 153 00:06:25,201 --> 00:06:26,173 Yes. 154 00:06:26,440 --> 00:06:27,529 You know, I wanna help, Annie. 155 00:06:27,530 --> 00:06:29,791 Oh, no. No, no, no, no, no, Pierce. 156 00:06:29,792 --> 00:06:32,622 - Come on, now. - I'm not taking money from you. 157 00:06:33,680 --> 00:06:35,165 It's not mine. It's yours. 158 00:06:35,166 --> 00:06:37,726 You've earned it for being strong. 159 00:06:37,777 --> 00:06:41,678 It's going to drop into your hands from out of nowhere. 160 00:06:42,523 --> 00:06:44,150 Because I was never here. 161 00:06:46,932 --> 00:06:48,369 Okay. I'm only taking this 162 00:06:48,370 --> 00:06:49,985 because I'm a little worried about making rent, 163 00:06:49,986 --> 00:06:51,384 and they told me the procedure for selling eggs 164 00:06:51,385 --> 00:06:52,286 takes three weeks. 165 00:06:52,287 --> 00:06:54,035 You save your eggs for a rainy day. 166 00:06:54,036 --> 00:06:55,346 I'll see you tomorrow. 167 00:06:56,252 --> 00:06:57,305 Pierce? 168 00:07:05,429 --> 00:07:07,960 Hey, why did you follow me here today? 169 00:07:08,217 --> 00:07:10,581 Oh! It was nothing, it... 170 00:07:10,582 --> 00:07:12,690 Seems sort of pointless now. 171 00:07:13,293 --> 00:07:14,940 I guess just to talk about the play 172 00:07:14,941 --> 00:07:18,012 and...Who cares if I don't have any lines? 173 00:07:18,013 --> 00:07:19,437 Well, you know what, Pierce? 174 00:07:19,438 --> 00:07:20,964 You should do that line you improvised. 175 00:07:20,965 --> 00:07:23,165 - "Don't call me honey, honey"? - Yeah, that's it. 176 00:07:23,166 --> 00:07:24,172 You should do that. 177 00:07:24,365 --> 00:07:27,057 You were the Gerber Baby of moist towelettes, right? 178 00:07:27,675 --> 00:07:29,449 Yes. Yes, I was. 179 00:07:30,816 --> 00:07:31,545 Action! 180 00:07:31,546 --> 00:07:34,939 Hello. I'm Cornelius Hawthorne. 181 00:07:35,121 --> 00:07:38,185 One rainy day, my son Pierce and I 182 00:07:38,186 --> 00:07:40,218 were taking a stroll when I discovered 183 00:07:40,219 --> 00:07:44,348 the cleansing power of moist cotton, fresh from the field. 184 00:07:44,349 --> 00:07:45,882 Isn't that right, son? 185 00:07:46,086 --> 00:07:47,780 It sure is. 186 00:07:47,781 --> 00:07:49,647 It sure is, dad! 187 00:07:49,648 --> 00:07:51,836 Pierce, knock it off. 188 00:07:52,680 --> 00:07:55,088 I wanna be in the commercial too, father. 189 00:07:55,089 --> 00:07:56,716 Well, then you should have done better 190 00:07:56,717 --> 00:07:58,266 in your damn audition. 191 00:07:59,095 --> 00:08:00,289 What's your name, son? 192 00:08:00,524 --> 00:08:01,706 Nigel. 193 00:08:01,965 --> 00:08:03,932 You're a good boy, Nigel. 194 00:08:03,933 --> 00:08:06,017 Your father is a lucky man. 195 00:08:13,084 --> 00:08:14,056 Okay, guys, remember, 196 00:08:14,057 --> 00:08:16,208 the most important thing is to have fun! 197 00:08:16,209 --> 00:08:17,159 And the second most important thing 198 00:08:17,160 --> 00:08:18,403 is to know all your lines and all your blocking 199 00:08:18,404 --> 00:08:21,175 and not mess up a single thing. Actually... flip those. 200 00:08:21,713 --> 00:08:24,235 Here we go, guys. I took the liberty 201 00:08:24,236 --> 00:08:26,098 of juicing up some of our bits. 202 00:08:26,099 --> 00:08:27,094 Um...But... 203 00:08:27,095 --> 00:08:29,683 Pierce, you can't just revise Annie's script. 204 00:08:29,969 --> 00:08:31,915 And who uses wite-out anymore? 205 00:08:32,024 --> 00:08:33,609 Why don't we look over Pierce's changes 206 00:08:33,610 --> 00:08:36,284 and see if they improve things? 207 00:08:36,474 --> 00:08:38,342 "Hey, Crayon, do you know where I can get some drugs? 208 00:08:38,343 --> 00:08:39,536 I need them." 209 00:08:39,555 --> 00:08:41,696 "Unfortunately, you can get them anywhere." 210 00:08:41,697 --> 00:08:43,545 - "Anywhere?" - I'm here! 211 00:08:43,546 --> 00:08:45,142 Zabba-da-zooey! 212 00:08:49,337 --> 00:08:50,293 Good one. 213 00:08:51,548 --> 00:08:52,842 Well, doesn't seem to hurt anything, 214 00:08:52,843 --> 00:08:55,639 so let's get into costume and break a stinger! 215 00:08:56,242 --> 00:08:57,311 For the bees. 216 00:08:57,778 --> 00:08:59,267 Annie, uh... 217 00:08:59,268 --> 00:09:02,419 I-I don't feel comfortable with the zabba-da-zooey line. 218 00:09:02,420 --> 00:09:03,530 The one you wrote? 219 00:09:03,531 --> 00:09:04,616 I got it! 220 00:09:04,764 --> 00:09:06,962 Let's give Jeff the zabba-da-zooey line, 221 00:09:06,963 --> 00:09:08,802 and then I'll come in with a good one. 222 00:09:08,803 --> 00:09:10,902 - Yeah... - It's more my voice. 223 00:09:10,903 --> 00:09:12,526 Pretty sure Jeff is gonna reject that idea. 224 00:09:12,527 --> 00:09:14,418 Yeah, you're probably right. 225 00:09:14,419 --> 00:09:15,785 You're the producer. 226 00:09:16,515 --> 00:09:18,799 By the way, is this your pen? 227 00:09:19,268 --> 00:09:20,365 I...think I put it back in my pocket 228 00:09:20,366 --> 00:09:22,882 after I wrote you that check yesterday. 229 00:09:24,479 --> 00:09:25,763 I'll give it to you later. 230 00:09:25,845 --> 00:09:26,955 I'll talk to Jeff. 231 00:09:26,956 --> 00:09:28,892 Also, I think it'd be better for my character 232 00:09:28,893 --> 00:09:30,460 if I wear his leather jacket. 233 00:09:32,603 --> 00:09:33,623 Okay! 234 00:09:33,732 --> 00:09:37,231 Welcome to Greendale's Drug Awareness Show! 235 00:09:39,179 --> 00:09:40,987 Okay. Our volunteers 236 00:09:40,988 --> 00:09:45,869 are handing out drug-free baseballs, huh? 237 00:09:46,013 --> 00:09:48,269 Next time you think about drugs, 238 00:09:48,270 --> 00:09:51,001 think about baseball instead. 239 00:09:52,718 --> 00:09:54,521 Can't ignore me forever. 240 00:09:56,341 --> 00:09:57,857 Okay, you probably can... 241 00:09:59,716 --> 00:10:01,161 I don't know why you want to. 242 00:10:02,344 --> 00:10:04,231 I don't know if I told you my nephew Marcus 243 00:10:04,232 --> 00:10:06,054 actually goes to San Ramone middle school, 244 00:10:06,055 --> 00:10:07,824 and he's coming to see the show. 245 00:10:07,825 --> 00:10:10,343 - Marcus? Your nephew? - Yeah, he's 14. 246 00:10:10,344 --> 00:10:12,056 I actually thought he didn't even like me, 247 00:10:12,057 --> 00:10:14,167 but then he texted me out of nowhere and he said, 248 00:10:14,168 --> 00:10:14,955 "Can't wait to see you. 249 00:10:14,956 --> 00:10:16,651 "I've been looking forward to this for so long. 250 00:10:16,652 --> 00:10:18,899 You are the coolest aunt in the world." 251 00:10:18,900 --> 00:10:20,624 I hope that I don't let him down. 252 00:10:21,188 --> 00:10:22,950 - You'll be great. - What does this symbol mean? 253 00:10:22,951 --> 00:10:24,480 It's a number eight, an equal sign, 254 00:10:24,481 --> 00:10:25,790 and then a greater than symbol. 255 00:10:25,791 --> 00:10:26,931 Let me see. 256 00:10:27,340 --> 00:10:28,168 You'd better get changed. 257 00:10:28,169 --> 00:10:29,329 I'll hang onto your stuff for you. 258 00:10:29,330 --> 00:10:30,296 Great. 259 00:10:32,889 --> 00:10:34,967 Abed, we screwed up. 260 00:10:34,968 --> 00:10:36,336 You know that text we sent? 261 00:10:36,337 --> 00:10:37,987 It was to Britta's nephew. 262 00:10:38,135 --> 00:10:40,094 He sent her an emoti-penis. 263 00:10:40,095 --> 00:10:41,353 What are we gonna do? 264 00:10:45,591 --> 00:10:46,701 Fine. Screw you, Abed. 265 00:10:46,702 --> 00:10:47,987 I can fix this. 266 00:10:48,950 --> 00:10:50,171 "Marcus, I made a mistake. 267 00:10:50,172 --> 00:10:52,409 I texted the wrong person last night." 268 00:10:56,037 --> 00:10:58,277 "You called me by name. It wasn't a mistake. 269 00:10:58,278 --> 00:10:59,587 Don't be afraid." 270 00:11:02,214 --> 00:11:03,410 Screw you, Abed. 271 00:11:03,411 --> 00:11:05,447 "I was drunk. We can't do this." 272 00:11:08,451 --> 00:11:10,983 "I'm drunk too. On lust." 273 00:11:11,310 --> 00:11:12,463 There's a picture. 274 00:11:12,642 --> 00:11:14,690 Oh! That's disappointing. 275 00:11:14,691 --> 00:11:16,505 Wow, who does that? That's... 276 00:11:16,506 --> 00:11:19,009 Bees, you're up. Cool cats, your on deck. 277 00:11:19,677 --> 00:11:22,043 - Aren't drugs bad? - No way. 278 00:11:22,044 --> 00:11:23,488 Drugs are like special honey. 279 00:11:23,489 --> 00:11:25,696 They give you a buzzzzzzz. 280 00:11:25,697 --> 00:11:28,188 Don't call me "honey," honey. 281 00:11:31,017 --> 00:11:32,590 Are you ignoring me because I'm Korean? 282 00:11:32,591 --> 00:11:34,333 - You're Chinese. - Oh, there's a difference? 283 00:11:34,334 --> 00:11:35,417 Shh! 284 00:11:36,162 --> 00:11:38,246 It's because you're crazy, all right? 285 00:11:38,337 --> 00:11:39,447 There's something wrong with you. 286 00:11:39,448 --> 00:11:42,037 And the idea that I was with you 287 00:11:42,385 --> 00:11:44,133 means there's something wrong with me, 288 00:11:44,256 --> 00:11:45,776 and if this baby... 289 00:11:46,748 --> 00:11:48,760 If you have any humanity at all, 290 00:11:48,761 --> 00:11:50,146 you will not make me think about it. 291 00:11:50,147 --> 00:11:51,311 Shirley, funeral. 292 00:11:59,438 --> 00:12:00,996 Well, that answers my question. 293 00:12:00,997 --> 00:12:05,325 Jeff Winger is sexy even in a coffin. Mmm! 294 00:12:11,586 --> 00:12:12,443 I'm here. 295 00:12:12,444 --> 00:12:14,356 Pierce, you're supposed to be onstage. 296 00:12:14,357 --> 00:12:16,146 I was looking for a lighter. 297 00:12:16,917 --> 00:12:18,869 What are you wearing? This is a funeral. 298 00:12:18,870 --> 00:12:20,113 I got this, Annie. 299 00:12:20,859 --> 00:12:22,831 I can't believe Fluffy's dead. 300 00:12:22,832 --> 00:12:26,108 I know I'm green, but I feel blue. 301 00:12:29,439 --> 00:12:32,911 Look, it's Drugs with a crazy wig and sparklers. 302 00:12:32,912 --> 00:12:35,547 ♪ Pokemon ♪ 303 00:12:36,840 --> 00:12:38,721 I don't think that's right, Drugs. 304 00:12:38,722 --> 00:12:41,334 Nobody asked you, Crayon. 305 00:12:42,880 --> 00:12:43,999 Oh! Oh! 306 00:12:47,688 --> 00:12:49,448 Well, I hope you're proud of yourself, Drugs. 307 00:12:49,449 --> 00:12:50,664 Look what you've done. 308 00:12:50,673 --> 00:12:53,373 Oh, yeah? Well, look what I'm doing now. 309 00:12:58,081 --> 00:13:00,613 Smells like something died in here. 310 00:13:03,656 --> 00:13:04,389 What do you want us to do? 311 00:13:04,390 --> 00:13:05,173 Should we get the dean? 312 00:13:05,174 --> 00:13:06,660 Should we call in a bomb threat? 313 00:13:06,661 --> 00:13:08,013 Should we set off the sprinklers? 314 00:13:08,014 --> 00:13:09,038 It's not that big a deal. 315 00:13:09,039 --> 00:13:10,165 I think the kids are into it. 316 00:13:10,166 --> 00:13:12,557 Yeah, but I don't think that they're getting the message. 317 00:13:12,558 --> 00:13:13,885 Yeah, but do kids ever really seem 318 00:13:13,886 --> 00:13:15,310 like they're getting the message? 319 00:13:15,311 --> 00:13:16,794 I think it's sinking in. 320 00:13:16,795 --> 00:13:18,102 Well, I guess it's your call. 321 00:13:18,103 --> 00:13:19,974 And anyway, he's about to get flushed down the toilet 322 00:13:19,975 --> 00:13:22,044 in the next scene, and he'll be done. 323 00:13:24,119 --> 00:13:26,741 I wish I had never even met Drugs. 324 00:13:28,704 --> 00:13:30,931 Who invited the nerd from the beehive? 325 00:13:31,952 --> 00:13:33,214 Drugs made you. 326 00:13:37,378 --> 00:13:39,382 How about you leave, Drugs? 327 00:13:40,627 --> 00:13:42,804 Zip, pop, zoom. 328 00:13:42,805 --> 00:13:44,852 Whoosh! 329 00:13:48,285 --> 00:13:49,486 They want more. 330 00:13:49,487 --> 00:13:50,700 I gotta go back out there. 331 00:13:50,701 --> 00:13:52,841 But Pierce, you were flushed. That was the story. 332 00:13:52,842 --> 00:13:54,744 That's what's supposed to happen to Drugs. 333 00:13:54,745 --> 00:13:56,568 Being flushed doesn't necessarily mean you're dead. 334 00:13:56,569 --> 00:13:58,965 I mean, I could be a floater. 335 00:13:59,299 --> 00:14:01,531 You know, a floater is when you have a number two... 336 00:14:01,532 --> 00:14:03,589 I know what a floater is, Pierce. 337 00:14:03,590 --> 00:14:05,228 It just... it wouldn't make any sense 338 00:14:05,229 --> 00:14:08,340 in the flow of the show, and it sends a mixed message. 339 00:14:08,341 --> 00:14:09,922 You know what I think is a mixed message? 340 00:14:09,923 --> 00:14:12,529 Yesterday you couldn't pay your rent, and today you can. 341 00:14:13,395 --> 00:14:15,834 Come on, Annie. You and I are alike. 342 00:14:15,835 --> 00:14:18,479 We're independent. We need each other. 343 00:14:19,889 --> 00:14:22,912 ♪ yi yi yi yi yi ♪ 344 00:14:22,913 --> 00:14:25,661 Bzzz! Getting rid of Drugs is a great I-bee-a. 345 00:14:26,152 --> 00:14:28,240 I'm flying higher than I ever have, 346 00:14:28,241 --> 00:14:30,157 thanks to not Drugs. 347 00:14:32,333 --> 00:14:34,370 - Hey! - Hey! 348 00:14:35,171 --> 00:14:36,164 Ow! Hey! 349 00:14:37,397 --> 00:14:39,153 I'm back! 350 00:14:41,534 --> 00:14:45,106 Ain't no party without Drugs! 351 00:14:55,491 --> 00:14:57,295 I love you, Drugs! 352 00:15:03,534 --> 00:15:05,268 We want Drugs! We want Drugs! 353 00:15:05,269 --> 00:15:08,197 Listen to that! They're high on me! 354 00:15:08,252 --> 00:15:09,537 I'm a God! 355 00:15:11,236 --> 00:15:13,358 Where is that Nigel now? 356 00:15:13,643 --> 00:15:15,959 And I haven't even used my penis material yet. 357 00:15:15,960 --> 00:15:17,273 Pierce, enough! 358 00:15:17,274 --> 00:15:19,304 After intermission, I'm going back to the original script 359 00:15:19,305 --> 00:15:20,858 and doing some damage control. 360 00:15:20,859 --> 00:15:21,778 Damage? 361 00:15:21,779 --> 00:15:22,936 The only damage is me 362 00:15:22,937 --> 00:15:24,901 blowing the roof off the universe. 363 00:15:24,902 --> 00:15:27,404 I am not letting you go back on that stage! 364 00:15:27,405 --> 00:15:29,045 Well, maybe I won't be visiting you 365 00:15:29,046 --> 00:15:32,394 late at night anymore with a generous spirit. 366 00:15:34,822 --> 00:15:39,413 You sick, sick, sad old man. 367 00:15:39,414 --> 00:15:41,269 This is why I didn't want to take money from my parents. 368 00:15:41,270 --> 00:15:43,020 I don't want anybody pulling my strings. 369 00:15:43,021 --> 00:15:45,536 Wait, wait. Is he giving you money? 370 00:15:45,537 --> 00:15:46,685 Not anymore. 371 00:15:46,686 --> 00:15:47,661 That's why the script got changed. 372 00:15:47,662 --> 00:15:50,099 Pierce bought his way in. Annie sold out her message. 373 00:15:50,234 --> 00:15:52,360 You've been indulging this maniac? 374 00:15:53,694 --> 00:15:56,908 Yes. I've been indulging this maniac. 375 00:15:58,487 --> 00:16:00,561 - You're fired. - Fired? 376 00:16:00,562 --> 00:16:02,129 Next time I'm at Dildopolis, 377 00:16:02,130 --> 00:16:04,431 I will not be coming upstairs to say hi. 378 00:16:05,798 --> 00:16:07,930 We want Drugs! We want Drugs! 379 00:16:07,931 --> 00:16:09,665 The only reason we did this was for you 380 00:16:09,666 --> 00:16:11,017 and your stupid ideals, 381 00:16:11,018 --> 00:16:12,888 and it turns out you don't even have any. 382 00:16:12,889 --> 00:16:14,356 We supported you, Annie. 383 00:16:14,357 --> 00:16:16,282 Yeah, Annie, you're fired. 384 00:16:16,925 --> 00:16:18,193 I'm sorry! 385 00:16:19,397 --> 00:16:20,704 Here's the situation. 386 00:16:20,705 --> 00:16:23,233 We've got 50 at-risk preteens, 387 00:16:23,234 --> 00:16:25,857 armed with baseballs, chanting for Drugs, 388 00:16:25,858 --> 00:16:26,756 who just spent intermission 389 00:16:26,757 --> 00:16:29,467 eating nothing but Charleston Chews, thank God. 390 00:16:29,549 --> 00:16:32,033 Hope you can top act one, is all I'm saying. 391 00:16:32,277 --> 00:16:34,209 Oh! Whoops. 392 00:16:35,279 --> 00:16:36,720 We want Drugs! 393 00:16:36,721 --> 00:16:38,670 - Should we bail? - Works for me. 394 00:16:38,826 --> 00:16:39,417 Wait! 395 00:16:39,418 --> 00:16:41,370 We want Drugs! 396 00:16:42,142 --> 00:16:43,571 Listen to those kids. 397 00:16:44,001 --> 00:16:46,478 We just created 50 potential meth heads, 398 00:16:46,479 --> 00:16:48,536 and the least we can do is hit the reset button 399 00:16:48,537 --> 00:16:51,009 and get that number down to the national average. 400 00:16:51,010 --> 00:16:52,213 That's a suicide mission. 401 00:16:52,214 --> 00:16:54,902 Did someone say crazy person? 402 00:16:56,578 --> 00:16:57,670 No. 403 00:16:58,201 --> 00:16:59,561 Well, I heard it. 404 00:16:59,562 --> 00:17:03,088 We want Drugs! We want Drugs! 405 00:17:03,089 --> 00:17:05,750 Greetings, you little snots! 406 00:17:07,729 --> 00:17:08,907 You're not Drugs. 407 00:17:08,908 --> 00:17:10,782 Oh, but I am! 408 00:17:11,005 --> 00:17:12,943 Disappointed? 409 00:17:13,372 --> 00:17:16,966 Did you expect me to stay the same forever? 410 00:17:16,967 --> 00:17:19,780 'Cause that's not what drug does, baby. 411 00:17:20,260 --> 00:17:23,637 I'm gonna deep-fry your dog and eat your mama's face 412 00:17:23,793 --> 00:17:27,627 and I'm gonna wear your little brother's skin like pajamas. 413 00:17:27,756 --> 00:17:30,089 I control your lives 414 00:17:30,090 --> 00:17:33,260 and there is nothing you can do! 415 00:17:33,944 --> 00:17:35,084 Let's kill him! 416 00:17:35,085 --> 00:17:37,097 Oh, bring it on, bow-wow. 417 00:17:37,098 --> 00:17:38,974 Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh, my! 418 00:17:39,147 --> 00:17:40,271 Aah! Aah! 419 00:17:42,553 --> 00:17:44,085 Is that all you've got? 420 00:17:44,673 --> 00:17:45,646 I gotta tell you, Annie, 421 00:17:45,647 --> 00:17:47,958 this is the greatest chemical dependency program 422 00:17:47,959 --> 00:17:49,559 I have ever watched. 423 00:17:49,719 --> 00:17:50,790 I mean, the way you got the kids 424 00:17:50,791 --> 00:17:52,815 to think that they needed Drugs, 425 00:17:52,816 --> 00:17:54,110 and then having them realize 426 00:17:54,111 --> 00:17:55,766 that dependence was the enemy, 427 00:17:55,767 --> 00:17:57,207 that the price was just too high. 428 00:17:57,208 --> 00:17:58,532 Oh, genius. 429 00:17:59,576 --> 00:18:01,153 So now that the show is over, 430 00:18:01,154 --> 00:18:03,876 what is the plan for these bee costumes? 431 00:18:03,877 --> 00:18:06,183 Aah! Aah! Uncle! 432 00:18:06,438 --> 00:18:08,442 Hi, Marcus. I'm Jeff. 433 00:18:08,443 --> 00:18:11,561 I'm like, uh, Britta's boyfriend. 434 00:18:11,682 --> 00:18:13,030 Look, dude, she started it, okay? 435 00:18:13,031 --> 00:18:14,654 - She's just as into me. - No, listen, listen. 436 00:18:14,655 --> 00:18:15,511 I'm not mad. 437 00:18:15,512 --> 00:18:16,662 I was just fooling around, 438 00:18:16,663 --> 00:18:18,306 and I sent those texts. 439 00:18:19,160 --> 00:18:19,901 - Gross. - Yeah. 440 00:18:19,902 --> 00:18:21,012 Well, it was pretty disgusting, 441 00:18:21,013 --> 00:18:22,801 sending those pictures to your aunt. 442 00:18:22,802 --> 00:18:24,260 More disgusting than what you texted 443 00:18:24,261 --> 00:18:25,427 to an underage boy? 444 00:18:25,428 --> 00:18:26,914 Yeah, well, I didn't know you were you. 445 00:18:26,915 --> 00:18:28,426 And I didn't know you weren't my aunt. 446 00:18:28,427 --> 00:18:28,957 Okay, all right, 447 00:18:28,958 --> 00:18:30,833 let's just call this a draw. 448 00:18:30,908 --> 00:18:32,981 Britta doesn't need to ever know about this. 449 00:18:32,982 --> 00:18:35,978 Okay, I'd be happy to, for a price. 450 00:18:37,892 --> 00:18:39,481 That was brave of you. 451 00:18:40,164 --> 00:18:42,123 I owe you an apology. 452 00:18:42,508 --> 00:18:44,361 It was rude to call you crazy. 453 00:18:44,845 --> 00:18:46,865 Maybe I haven't been giving you enough credit. 454 00:18:47,710 --> 00:18:50,412 Oh, that's really sweet. Tell you what. 455 00:18:50,413 --> 00:18:53,874 Why don't I go get Chang? You can tell him that yourself. 456 00:18:56,709 --> 00:18:58,734 - Oh, no. - My God, that was amazing! 457 00:18:58,882 --> 00:19:00,451 - Wow! - Good job! 458 00:19:00,452 --> 00:19:02,417 - Thanks! - Amazing! 459 00:19:02,509 --> 00:19:04,350 Way to go, man, go! That was awesome. 460 00:19:04,351 --> 00:19:06,188 They beat the crap out of you. 461 00:19:07,152 --> 00:19:08,166 It's okay. I did a lot of ad-libbing. 462 00:19:08,167 --> 00:19:11,328 Guys, I'm so sorry. 463 00:19:11,329 --> 00:19:13,684 Thank you so much. That was amazing. 464 00:19:13,873 --> 00:19:15,035 Even I learned something. 465 00:19:15,036 --> 00:19:17,423 - Oh, Annie. - We did it. 466 00:19:17,424 --> 00:19:19,790 - Group hug, group hug. - Hug, hug. 467 00:19:19,795 --> 00:19:21,831 - Way to save the day. - Nice work. 468 00:19:23,115 --> 00:19:25,501 Did you get hit in the face with a baseball? 469 00:19:25,502 --> 00:19:26,164 Yep. 470 00:19:26,165 --> 00:19:27,715 Annie, before you say anything, 471 00:19:27,716 --> 00:19:29,170 I just want you to know, 472 00:19:29,286 --> 00:19:30,660 even though I did nothing wrong, 473 00:19:30,661 --> 00:19:31,566 I'm still gonna give you money. 474 00:19:31,567 --> 00:19:33,921 No. I can't take your money, Pierce. 475 00:19:33,922 --> 00:19:35,830 I can't go from depending on my parents 476 00:19:35,831 --> 00:19:37,136 to depending on you, 477 00:19:37,137 --> 00:19:39,705 which is why I'm gonna get a job. 478 00:19:39,706 --> 00:19:41,512 So you're cutting me off? 479 00:19:41,645 --> 00:19:42,453 No. 480 00:19:42,454 --> 00:19:45,406 Pierce, I know you don't depend on anyone, 481 00:19:45,407 --> 00:19:47,908 but you do depend on people depending on you, 482 00:19:48,380 --> 00:19:49,871 so I'm not gonna take your money. 483 00:19:50,420 --> 00:19:51,595 We're still friends? 484 00:19:51,596 --> 00:19:52,753 Give me a day. 485 00:19:53,651 --> 00:19:54,662 By the way, 486 00:19:54,874 --> 00:19:57,031 your mom was the Period Fairy, right? 487 00:19:57,851 --> 00:19:59,178 Hey, guys, I found my phone, 488 00:19:59,179 --> 00:20:01,062 but has anyone seen my bra? 489 00:20:06,670 --> 00:20:07,962 It's 2:00 A.M. 490 00:20:07,963 --> 00:20:11,341 Time for Dildopolis's night-owl deals. 491 00:20:11,796 --> 00:20:12,893 Please be advised, 492 00:20:12,894 --> 00:20:15,156 we will be closed for President's Day. 493 00:20:15,157 --> 00:20:16,095 Just kidding. 494 00:20:16,096 --> 00:20:18,051 Dildopolis never closes. 495 00:20:18,672 --> 00:20:22,237 At Dildopolis, your privacy is our top concern. 496 00:20:22,238 --> 00:20:24,661 All store purchases will show up on your credit card 497 00:20:24,662 --> 00:20:27,767 as ABC Dildos, incorporated. 498 00:20:28,086 --> 00:20:29,442 Shop until you drop. 499 00:20:29,443 --> 00:20:31,589 Take a load off at our in-store cafe 500 00:20:31,590 --> 00:20:32,718 and enjoy an espresso 501 00:20:32,719 --> 00:20:36,492 or our signature cinnamon biscotti.