1 00:00:09,455 --> 00:00:11,764 Why does being a librarian make her even hotter? 2 00:00:11,765 --> 00:00:12,901 They're keepers of knowledge. 3 00:00:12,902 --> 00:00:14,576 She holds the answers to all of our questions, 4 00:00:14,577 --> 00:00:15,209 like, "will you marry me," 5 00:00:15,210 --> 00:00:17,215 and "why are there still libraries." 6 00:00:17,216 --> 00:00:19,647 I wanna be a book. She can pick me up. 7 00:00:19,648 --> 00:00:20,785 Flip through my pages. 8 00:00:20,786 --> 00:00:22,902 Make sure nobody drew wieners in me. 9 00:00:24,019 --> 00:00:25,796 Hey, maybe if we're too loud, she'll shush us. 10 00:00:26,973 --> 00:00:28,018 Books! 11 00:00:28,482 --> 00:00:29,829 Pretend like you're asleep. 12 00:00:33,798 --> 00:00:34,632 Jeff. 13 00:00:34,633 --> 00:00:36,045 What do you do when you and your best friend 14 00:00:36,046 --> 00:00:37,767 wanna ask the same girl to the Valentine's dance, 15 00:00:37,768 --> 00:00:38,920 but neither of you have dibs 16 00:00:38,921 --> 00:00:40,619 because you both fell in love with her at first sight? 17 00:00:40,620 --> 00:00:43,007 Well, I don't believe in dibs, or love at first sight, 18 00:00:43,008 --> 00:00:45,849 or love, or best friends, or doing things. 19 00:00:45,850 --> 00:00:46,985 But it's good you brought this to me. 20 00:00:46,986 --> 00:00:48,304 You're gonna have to open your heart one day, Jeff. 21 00:00:48,305 --> 00:00:49,113 What happens if I don't? 22 00:00:49,114 --> 00:00:50,732 I miss the heart opening deadline? 23 00:00:50,733 --> 00:00:52,705 Valentine's Crapentine's. 24 00:00:53,678 --> 00:00:55,329 Opening my heart is on my list. 25 00:00:57,093 --> 00:00:57,683 Pierce? 26 00:00:57,684 --> 00:00:59,239 - Mm-hmm. - What was that? 27 00:00:59,380 --> 00:01:01,225 - Gum. - Why aren't you chewing? 28 00:01:01,226 --> 00:01:04,439 Because I'm using my mouth for this dumb conversation. 29 00:01:08,607 --> 00:01:09,575 Bye. 30 00:01:10,403 --> 00:01:13,343 That's my friend page. She's cool, but...Whatever. 31 00:01:13,468 --> 00:01:15,652 - She's cute. - Oh, Troy. 32 00:01:15,811 --> 00:01:17,292 Before you go barking up that tree, 33 00:01:17,293 --> 00:01:19,697 I have to tell you that she might not be interested. 34 00:01:19,698 --> 00:01:21,247 Why wouldn't she be... 35 00:01:21,568 --> 00:01:23,770 Oh! Is she... 36 00:01:24,655 --> 00:01:25,789 A friend of Ellen? 37 00:01:25,790 --> 00:01:28,028 Yes, Annie. But you can say the word. 38 00:01:28,029 --> 00:01:30,832 Page is a...Lesbian. 39 00:01:36,102 --> 00:01:38,502 Pierce, as someone who's been calling me a lesbian 40 00:01:38,503 --> 00:01:39,752 for the last year and a half, 41 00:01:39,753 --> 00:01:41,723 I'm sure that you don't have anything to say 42 00:01:41,724 --> 00:01:43,626 about me being friends with one. 43 00:01:43,967 --> 00:01:45,329 Nothing off the cuff. 44 00:01:45,654 --> 00:01:48,178 What I do have is a prepared statement. 45 00:01:58,940 --> 00:02:03,440 Community 2x15 - Early 21st Century Romanticism 46 00:02:03,441 --> 00:02:07,941 Sync by vNaru - Corrected by addic7ed.com www.addic7ed.com 47 00:02:25,722 --> 00:02:27,932 And in summation, 48 00:02:27,933 --> 00:02:29,017 good luck... 49 00:02:29,925 --> 00:02:31,538 and bon appetit. 50 00:02:35,608 --> 00:02:37,285 Many, many paragraphs of that 51 00:02:37,286 --> 00:02:38,854 were oddly supportive. 52 00:02:38,855 --> 00:02:41,363 Wait till you hear the one I have for you. 53 00:02:44,237 --> 00:02:46,204 Okay. I know that wasn't gum. 54 00:02:46,205 --> 00:02:49,270 You're right. It was an awesome exit pill. 55 00:02:49,271 --> 00:02:51,501 Zip! Zop! Zooey! 56 00:02:52,705 --> 00:02:53,717 Bye! 57 00:03:03,248 --> 00:03:05,073 We gotta do something about Pierce and those pain killers. 58 00:03:05,074 --> 00:03:06,875 He's recovering 59 00:03:06,876 --> 00:03:09,096 dude can moonwalk! 60 00:03:09,097 --> 00:03:11,043 Now, I'm sure he's almost through his prescription. 61 00:03:11,044 --> 00:03:12,415 Besides, he's a baby boom. 62 00:03:12,416 --> 00:03:13,452 They invented drugs. 63 00:03:13,453 --> 00:03:15,309 Yeah, they also invented TV. 64 00:03:15,310 --> 00:03:17,045 Have you seen him control one of those? 65 00:03:17,046 --> 00:03:19,010 Intervention. Intervention, intervention. 66 00:03:19,011 --> 00:03:20,668 - Count me out. - We can't count you out. 67 00:03:20,669 --> 00:03:21,343 He listens to you. 68 00:03:21,344 --> 00:03:23,260 Well, he also listens to the Barenaked Ladies. 69 00:03:23,261 --> 00:03:25,273 Go get their dumb asses to help you. 70 00:03:25,845 --> 00:03:27,064 - Back it up! - Okay, Jeff. 71 00:03:27,065 --> 00:03:29,389 You are clearly in a bad space today. 72 00:03:29,390 --> 00:03:31,329 But Pierce is our friend, 73 00:03:31,330 --> 00:03:34,339 and the Barenaked Ladies are triple platinum... Are you? 74 00:03:34,340 --> 00:03:36,763 Why does everyone leap to defend that band 75 00:03:36,764 --> 00:03:38,202 so aggressively? 76 00:03:38,203 --> 00:03:40,178 And how much stuff do we have to go through this year 77 00:03:40,179 --> 00:03:41,742 before my friendship stops being questioned? 78 00:03:41,743 --> 00:03:42,912 Well, maybe friendship 79 00:03:42,913 --> 00:03:45,189 is about going through a lot of stuff, Jeff. 80 00:03:45,190 --> 00:03:48,142 And maybe BNL has two Billboard awards to your zero. 81 00:03:48,143 --> 00:03:50,550 Oh, okay. They're... they're BNL now. 82 00:03:50,551 --> 00:03:52,911 We use shorthand for the Barenaked Ladies. 83 00:03:52,912 --> 00:03:54,460 That's how fundamental they are. 84 00:03:54,461 --> 00:03:55,492 - Yeah. - Yeah! 85 00:03:55,493 --> 00:03:58,118 You know what Pierce probably needs more than anything? 86 00:03:58,119 --> 00:04:00,808 Some space. Maybe I do too. 87 00:04:00,809 --> 00:04:03,043 You know what? Maybe we all need some space 88 00:04:03,044 --> 00:04:04,332 to pull the knife out of the back 89 00:04:04,333 --> 00:04:06,412 of the most celebrated Canadian alt rock band 90 00:04:06,413 --> 00:04:08,997 of the mid-nineties, you selfish, jaded ass! 91 00:04:08,998 --> 00:04:11,388 This...is a fight! 92 00:04:11,389 --> 00:04:13,336 We...are fighting! 93 00:04:15,509 --> 00:04:16,937 Jeff. Hello! 94 00:04:16,969 --> 00:04:18,614 I hear you're fighting with your study group. 95 00:04:18,615 --> 00:04:20,302 - Correct. - Now, you won't know this, 96 00:04:20,303 --> 00:04:23,205 being American, but tonight Liverpool are playing... 97 00:04:23,206 --> 00:04:24,549 - Manchester United. - Manchester United. 98 00:04:24,550 --> 00:04:26,909 I am a stylish American, professor. 99 00:04:26,910 --> 00:04:29,139 I've been forcing myself to be into soccer since 2004. 100 00:04:29,140 --> 00:04:30,764 Ah! Then it's destiny. 101 00:04:30,765 --> 00:04:34,074 God gave you a British friend and a massive TV for a reason. 102 00:04:34,075 --> 00:04:36,873 Oh, it's Valentine's Day, and even though we're fighting, 103 00:04:36,874 --> 00:04:39,033 I did promise the study group I'd go to the dance... 104 00:04:39,034 --> 00:04:40,884 You promised the study group? Whip, crack! 105 00:04:40,885 --> 00:04:42,649 I'll see you at precisely 6:30, 106 00:04:42,650 --> 00:04:45,372 or as the English call it, gravedigger's biscuits. 107 00:04:45,373 --> 00:04:46,264 Okay? 108 00:04:54,333 --> 00:04:57,497 That moonwalk back there was streets ahead, buddy. 109 00:04:57,504 --> 00:04:58,843 Hey, thanks, buddy. 110 00:04:59,138 --> 00:05:01,613 - Hey, Pierce! - Hey, it's you! 111 00:05:01,769 --> 00:05:05,243 Yeah. The tiny man you see when you take enough pills. 112 00:05:05,338 --> 00:05:07,380 We have a good time, don't we, Pierce? 113 00:05:07,381 --> 00:05:09,611 - I ain't hurtin'. - And you wanna keep this going, 114 00:05:09,612 --> 00:05:11,704 right, 'cause... I'm sure you've noticed 115 00:05:11,705 --> 00:05:13,655 the prescription is almost done. 116 00:05:13,656 --> 00:05:15,932 Ah. Ha. I don't think the doctor... 117 00:05:15,933 --> 00:05:17,664 Doctor, you know, I know he won't... 118 00:05:17,665 --> 00:05:19,856 Pierce, if doctors are so smart, 119 00:05:19,857 --> 00:05:21,704 why are there millions of 'em? 120 00:05:23,093 --> 00:05:24,336 Look in your hand. 121 00:05:27,625 --> 00:05:29,529 It's Valentine's, buddy. 122 00:05:30,532 --> 00:05:31,551 Be mine. 123 00:05:36,116 --> 00:05:37,448 Mariah, my name is Abed Nadir. 124 00:05:37,449 --> 00:05:39,950 - My associate Troy Barnes. - Charmed, I'm sure. 125 00:05:40,042 --> 00:05:41,361 Are you the guys that keep staring at me 126 00:05:41,362 --> 00:05:42,883 and intermittently yelling out, "books"? 127 00:05:42,884 --> 00:05:44,728 The very same. We are both interested 128 00:05:44,729 --> 00:05:46,129 in taking you to the Valentine's dance, 129 00:05:46,130 --> 00:05:47,856 but we are also best friends with each other. 130 00:05:47,857 --> 00:05:49,960 It is of utmost importance we protect that friendship 131 00:05:49,961 --> 00:05:51,271 from the stresses of courting you, 132 00:05:51,272 --> 00:05:52,413 so we're trying to be as direct 133 00:05:52,414 --> 00:05:53,748 and aboveboard about this as possible. 134 00:05:53,749 --> 00:05:55,151 Will you go to the dance with one of us, 135 00:05:55,152 --> 00:05:56,960 and if so, which one? 136 00:05:57,853 --> 00:05:59,663 We need to get something straight first. 137 00:06:00,020 --> 00:06:02,237 This is the cutest thing that's ever happened to me. 138 00:06:02,781 --> 00:06:05,700 But...I don't know either one of you. 139 00:06:05,701 --> 00:06:06,808 Give us a moment. 140 00:06:08,901 --> 00:06:10,609 Dude, I need to eat those tacos. 141 00:06:11,451 --> 00:06:12,953 New proposal: Get to know us at the dance 142 00:06:12,954 --> 00:06:15,168 and decide there which of us you'd like to see again. 143 00:06:16,080 --> 00:06:17,293 Okay. Deal. 144 00:06:17,294 --> 00:06:18,253 Nice. 145 00:06:19,197 --> 00:06:20,417 What's in the briefcase? 146 00:06:20,812 --> 00:06:22,444 Oh. Tacos. 147 00:06:23,481 --> 00:06:24,540 You want one? 148 00:06:24,837 --> 00:06:25,289 No. 149 00:06:25,290 --> 00:06:27,355 Great. We really wanted them. 150 00:06:27,356 --> 00:06:28,738 Yeah. We're gonna eat them. 151 00:06:29,511 --> 00:06:32,587 So like...Would you change clothes in front of her? 152 00:06:32,764 --> 00:06:35,068 Annie, I know your lack of world experience 153 00:06:35,069 --> 00:06:37,348 creates curiosity, but questions like that 154 00:06:37,349 --> 00:06:39,323 can make you seem a little bit homophobic. 155 00:06:39,324 --> 00:06:40,907 It's homophobic to ask questions? 156 00:06:40,908 --> 00:06:43,596 If you have to ask if it's homophobic to ask questions, 157 00:06:43,597 --> 00:06:45,896 haven't you already answered your own question? 158 00:06:46,660 --> 00:06:47,264 Have I? 159 00:06:47,265 --> 00:06:49,603 Don't know. Not a homophobe. 160 00:06:51,393 --> 00:06:53,346 Oh. There's Page. 161 00:06:53,347 --> 00:06:56,712 Should I ask her 500 questions about being a lesbian? 162 00:06:56,713 --> 00:06:58,927 Or should I just treat her like a normal person? 163 00:06:58,928 --> 00:07:01,289 That's a question you can ask. 164 00:07:07,366 --> 00:07:08,971 - Hey. - Hi. 165 00:07:10,830 --> 00:07:12,896 - I'm not a lesbian. - Oh! 166 00:07:13,335 --> 00:07:14,927 - I'm not either. - Oh. 167 00:07:15,325 --> 00:07:17,268 But it's cool that you're friends with one. 168 00:07:17,389 --> 00:07:18,380 Oh. 169 00:07:18,765 --> 00:07:20,043 Page isn't a lesbian. 170 00:07:20,044 --> 00:07:21,434 She just likes hanging out with Britta, 171 00:07:21,435 --> 00:07:23,989 because it makes her feel cool to have a lesbian friend. 172 00:07:24,242 --> 00:07:27,897 But...Britta's not a lesbian. She thinks that Page is. 173 00:07:32,979 --> 00:07:34,367 Guess what, Annie. 174 00:07:34,387 --> 00:07:36,953 Page and I are going to the dance together. 175 00:07:36,954 --> 00:07:39,404 Hope I stay straight, right? 176 00:07:40,862 --> 00:07:42,762 Oh, sorry. My friend's a tad homophobic, 177 00:07:42,763 --> 00:07:44,304 so I was doing a bit. 178 00:07:52,196 --> 00:07:53,739 Pretty exciting first half. 179 00:07:53,740 --> 00:07:55,994 Yeah, 0-0. Electrifying. 180 00:07:55,995 --> 00:07:58,537 Aw. Worried that your six-headed ball and chain 181 00:07:58,538 --> 00:07:59,945 will be calling? 182 00:07:59,946 --> 00:08:00,958 Fine. 183 00:08:04,042 --> 00:08:06,661 That's better, you big slut. 184 00:08:13,961 --> 00:08:15,091 It's Chang! 185 00:08:15,092 --> 00:08:16,307 Chang? Why? 186 00:08:16,308 --> 00:08:17,105 I don't know! 187 00:08:17,106 --> 00:08:18,960 I can hear you guys. 188 00:08:19,163 --> 00:08:20,209 What are you doing here, Chang, 189 00:08:20,210 --> 00:08:21,589 and how do you know where I live? 190 00:08:21,590 --> 00:08:23,109 I can answer both of those questions 191 00:08:23,110 --> 00:08:25,339 by returning your driver's license. 192 00:08:29,283 --> 00:08:30,531 Ha! 193 00:08:30,532 --> 00:08:31,579 There it is! 194 00:08:31,580 --> 00:08:33,418 Man U. versus Liverpool! 195 00:08:33,419 --> 00:08:34,726 For God's sake, just let him in. 196 00:08:34,727 --> 00:08:37,375 He's wearing the right colors and everything. 197 00:08:37,742 --> 00:08:39,679 - Come in. - Don't mind if I Chang! 198 00:08:39,790 --> 00:08:42,283 Heh heh. Hey, man, check this out. 199 00:08:42,284 --> 00:08:43,350 Ya-haa! 200 00:08:44,812 --> 00:08:46,902 Hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo! 201 00:08:55,002 --> 00:08:56,740 Anyway, the thing I was going to show you guys 202 00:08:56,741 --> 00:08:57,568 is pretty cool. 203 00:08:57,569 --> 00:08:59,465 I'm ignoring you and watching soccer. 204 00:08:59,466 --> 00:09:00,983 Just sit down, Chang. 205 00:09:00,984 --> 00:09:03,388 There's space for three fannies on this sofa. 206 00:09:03,389 --> 00:09:05,857 Hey. In England, fanny means vagina, right? 207 00:09:05,858 --> 00:09:08,278 In England, everything means vagina. 208 00:09:10,201 --> 00:09:11,501 I'm gonna make it up to you, Winger. 209 00:09:11,502 --> 00:09:14,731 Even though, like I said, weird place to put a lamp. 210 00:09:14,934 --> 00:09:18,109 - But let me order a pizza. - Ooh, I love pizza! 211 00:09:18,110 --> 00:09:20,535 In england we call them Italian fannies. 212 00:09:20,536 --> 00:09:21,740 I'm hookin' us up! 213 00:09:22,309 --> 00:09:24,014 - Cellie... - Ah. Go use the landline. 214 00:09:24,015 --> 00:09:27,044 Landline? Okay, grandma Bell. 215 00:09:29,279 --> 00:09:31,981 Star-burns, it's Chang. 216 00:09:32,139 --> 00:09:33,798 Remember that pizza you owe me? 217 00:09:34,353 --> 00:09:35,987 Well, it's time to pay up. 218 00:09:36,600 --> 00:09:38,996 Party at Winger's. Tonight. 219 00:09:40,262 --> 00:09:41,659 Yeah, you can tell people. 220 00:09:41,891 --> 00:09:43,154 Cool. Cool. 221 00:09:44,297 --> 00:09:45,929 Hey, uh, wingding at Winger's. 222 00:09:47,231 --> 00:09:48,509 So Mariah, what you get with me 223 00:09:48,510 --> 00:09:49,895 is the complete package... 224 00:09:49,896 --> 00:09:52,311 HBO, Showtime, Starz, Starz black. 225 00:09:52,312 --> 00:09:53,472 Sounds expensive. 226 00:09:53,473 --> 00:09:54,870 With all due respect to my friend here, 227 00:09:54,871 --> 00:09:55,803 if you go with me, 228 00:09:55,804 --> 00:09:57,458 you can expect this on the dance floor. 229 00:10:02,461 --> 00:10:04,392 Go, go, go, go, go. 230 00:10:04,393 --> 00:10:06,678 Go, go, go, go, go! 231 00:10:10,258 --> 00:10:12,039 I feel like everyone's staring. 232 00:10:12,094 --> 00:10:12,863 Not that I care. 233 00:10:12,864 --> 00:10:14,920 Well, of course they're staring. 234 00:10:14,921 --> 00:10:15,879 They've probably never seen 235 00:10:15,880 --> 00:10:19,055 a straight girl and a lesbian so comfortable together. 236 00:10:19,056 --> 00:10:20,336 Exactly. 237 00:10:21,816 --> 00:10:23,301 Those two were talking about us. 238 00:10:23,800 --> 00:10:26,205 Well, let's give them something to really talk about. 239 00:10:27,529 --> 00:10:29,117 - Let's do it. - Okay. 240 00:10:32,649 --> 00:10:33,725 - 'Scuse us. - Hi. 241 00:10:33,726 --> 00:10:34,762 Hi. Sorry. 242 00:10:44,584 --> 00:10:46,083 Cool music, huh? 243 00:10:50,768 --> 00:10:52,425 Oh, nice call, ref! 244 00:10:52,426 --> 00:10:53,737 Bite my banger! 245 00:10:53,738 --> 00:10:56,766 Jeff, something's up with your toothbrush, man. 246 00:10:56,767 --> 00:10:58,903 - What the hell? - I had to get cleaned up. 247 00:10:58,904 --> 00:10:59,939 Why? 248 00:11:01,821 --> 00:11:03,398 Oh, yeah! 249 00:11:04,467 --> 00:11:05,707 Pizza time! 250 00:11:05,708 --> 00:11:07,935 - Leonard? - Where are the white women at? 251 00:11:07,936 --> 00:11:09,670 No. There are no white women here, Leonard. 252 00:11:09,671 --> 00:11:11,120 This is not a party! 253 00:11:11,121 --> 00:11:13,064 Don't tell that to Magnitude. 254 00:11:13,065 --> 00:11:14,292 Who's Magnitude? 255 00:11:14,293 --> 00:11:16,105 Yo, yo, yo, yo, yo! 256 00:11:16,106 --> 00:11:17,149 Pop, pop! 257 00:11:17,150 --> 00:11:18,433 Pop, pop! 258 00:11:18,956 --> 00:11:20,041 Bam! 259 00:11:20,261 --> 00:11:21,301 Bam! 260 00:11:21,302 --> 00:11:23,210 Come on in. What's up, what's up? 261 00:11:23,211 --> 00:11:25,731 What's up? Looking good, looking good. 262 00:11:26,046 --> 00:11:28,778 That's my analysis of the Saw movie franchise. 263 00:11:29,454 --> 00:11:30,345 That about does it, 264 00:11:30,346 --> 00:11:32,189 so I think it's time for you to choose. 265 00:11:36,167 --> 00:11:37,982 Abed, could you get us some punch? 266 00:11:37,983 --> 00:11:38,955 On it. 267 00:11:41,168 --> 00:11:42,867 You guys are really cute together. 268 00:11:43,775 --> 00:11:44,279 Thank you. 269 00:11:44,280 --> 00:11:46,737 But you know, having to... 270 00:11:47,029 --> 00:11:48,225 Actually choose, I... 271 00:11:48,226 --> 00:11:50,339 Hey. We both agreed to this. 272 00:11:50,340 --> 00:11:51,934 We're both very comfortable with each other, 273 00:11:51,935 --> 00:11:53,872 - so I won't be... - No. I choose you, Troy. 274 00:11:56,086 --> 00:11:56,988 Punch. 275 00:11:58,064 --> 00:11:59,703 - Hey, Abed. - Hey. 276 00:11:59,848 --> 00:12:00,875 I, um... 277 00:12:00,952 --> 00:12:03,595 She...Just... She chose me. 278 00:12:05,160 --> 00:12:07,331 Cool. You can have this then. 279 00:12:07,535 --> 00:12:09,349 Thank you, Mariah. Have a great night. 280 00:12:17,445 --> 00:12:18,505 That's great! 281 00:12:18,828 --> 00:12:19,771 Pierce? 282 00:12:19,772 --> 00:12:21,441 You go straight to hell! 283 00:12:21,835 --> 00:12:22,808 Wh... 284 00:12:23,843 --> 00:12:24,718 Ha... 285 00:12:24,868 --> 00:12:25,794 Oh, I'm sorry, Annie. 286 00:12:25,795 --> 00:12:27,654 I...I've been... I don't know. 287 00:12:27,655 --> 00:12:30,038 I've been going through all these mood swings lately. 288 00:12:30,039 --> 00:12:32,085 You understand we care about you, right? 289 00:12:32,946 --> 00:12:33,847 Okay? 290 00:12:34,505 --> 00:12:35,453 Okay. 291 00:12:37,640 --> 00:12:38,641 Well, look. 292 00:12:38,642 --> 00:12:39,865 Here's the deal. 293 00:12:39,866 --> 00:12:43,026 I am not sharing you with them. 294 00:12:43,027 --> 00:12:45,063 So before this goes further, 295 00:12:45,705 --> 00:12:47,958 you have a choice to make, my friend. 296 00:12:50,642 --> 00:12:53,279 Ha ha! Look at the lesbians. 297 00:12:56,658 --> 00:12:57,593 Lesbians! 298 00:12:57,594 --> 00:12:58,877 - Screw you! - Screw you! 299 00:13:03,722 --> 00:13:04,379 No, no. 300 00:13:04,380 --> 00:13:06,656 - I don't care what they say. - Oh, I don't either. 301 00:13:06,657 --> 00:13:08,698 I just wish it wasn't such an issue for them. 302 00:13:08,699 --> 00:13:10,414 Yeah, but that starts with us. 303 00:13:11,968 --> 00:13:14,140 It starts...With us. 304 00:13:28,241 --> 00:13:30,372 - I've never done this before. - Me neither. 305 00:13:30,641 --> 00:13:31,928 Wait! What? 306 00:13:34,810 --> 00:13:35,812 So... 307 00:13:36,801 --> 00:13:38,709 Curious about one thing. 308 00:13:39,494 --> 00:13:41,033 What was wrong with Abed? 309 00:13:41,046 --> 00:13:43,364 Well, I mean, he did talk about the Saw movies 310 00:13:43,365 --> 00:13:44,428 for two hours. 311 00:13:44,429 --> 00:13:46,468 Yeah, but there are eight of them, 312 00:13:46,469 --> 00:13:48,017 and they're two hours apiece, 313 00:13:48,018 --> 00:13:50,024 and the first one did redefine the genre, and... 314 00:13:50,025 --> 00:13:52,521 Troy, I would love to be his friend. 315 00:13:52,522 --> 00:13:53,879 I know you would. It's incredible. 316 00:13:53,880 --> 00:13:55,981 But romantically, he's... 317 00:13:57,566 --> 00:13:59,162 You know. 318 00:14:01,169 --> 00:14:03,609 I hate her, I hate her, I hate her, I hate her! 319 00:14:05,234 --> 00:14:07,487 - What happened? - She called you weird! 320 00:14:07,873 --> 00:14:09,639 - I am weird. - Not as weird as her! 321 00:14:09,640 --> 00:14:11,636 Who the hell is Nicholas Nickleby? 322 00:14:11,689 --> 00:14:13,633 She wouldn't shut up about it. 323 00:14:13,634 --> 00:14:14,839 Mm. I know. 324 00:14:17,218 --> 00:14:18,806 There's someone out there for us. 325 00:14:20,824 --> 00:14:22,088 Happy Valentine's Day. 326 00:14:22,809 --> 00:14:23,869 It is now. 327 00:14:32,554 --> 00:14:34,318 - Ignore her. - Okay. 328 00:14:38,027 --> 00:14:39,631 It's weird, but I've never heard of Magnitude 329 00:14:39,632 --> 00:14:40,839 before tonight. 330 00:14:40,840 --> 00:14:42,761 He's a one-man party! 331 00:14:43,022 --> 00:14:44,883 You're always busy with your study group. 332 00:14:44,884 --> 00:14:46,547 Well, he's not with them tonight. 333 00:14:46,548 --> 00:14:48,767 Oh, yeah! 334 00:14:48,995 --> 00:14:50,560 I thought you quit drinking, Duncan. 335 00:14:50,561 --> 00:14:52,038 False alarm on that one. 336 00:14:52,039 --> 00:14:53,580 Oh, yeah! 337 00:14:53,968 --> 00:14:55,041 Pop, pop! 338 00:14:55,042 --> 00:14:57,058 Ha ho! Pop, pop! 339 00:14:57,059 --> 00:15:01,909 - Pop pop pop pop pop pop! - Pop pop pop pop pop pop! 340 00:15:04,562 --> 00:15:06,100 I never said I was a lesbian. 341 00:15:06,101 --> 00:15:07,832 Why didn't you just ask me? 342 00:15:07,833 --> 00:15:09,769 Oh, what am I, a homophobe? 343 00:15:09,770 --> 00:15:11,519 I don't care about people's preferences. 344 00:15:11,520 --> 00:15:12,708 You so care. 345 00:15:12,709 --> 00:15:14,588 You are clearly just hanging out with me 346 00:15:14,589 --> 00:15:16,040 because you thought I was gay. 347 00:15:16,041 --> 00:15:18,308 So? What were you doing with me? 348 00:15:19,104 --> 00:15:20,513 Hey, what does it matter, you know? 349 00:15:20,514 --> 00:15:21,666 We're both just humans 350 00:15:21,667 --> 00:15:23,998 trying to make our way through this crazy world. 351 00:15:24,373 --> 00:15:25,553 You're the worst! 352 00:15:25,554 --> 00:15:27,360 - What? - And for the record, 353 00:15:27,361 --> 00:15:28,841 I never thought you were cool. 354 00:15:28,842 --> 00:15:30,916 I only thought you were a lesbian. 355 00:15:39,514 --> 00:15:40,719 Page is straight. 356 00:15:42,083 --> 00:15:43,054 Really? 357 00:15:44,415 --> 00:15:45,398 Well... 358 00:15:45,786 --> 00:15:46,973 When she was gay 359 00:15:47,529 --> 00:15:49,943 I thought it was really cool of you to make out with her. 360 00:15:50,818 --> 00:15:52,197 Thanks, Annie. 361 00:15:54,197 --> 00:15:55,521 Kiss! 362 00:15:57,452 --> 00:15:58,408 Annie! 363 00:16:04,307 --> 00:16:06,244 Oh, thanks, man. Just leave those. 364 00:16:06,245 --> 00:16:08,569 - I'll get them in the morning. - It's okay. 365 00:16:10,745 --> 00:16:12,086 Are you wearing my underwear? 366 00:16:12,357 --> 00:16:15,000 Oh. I just needed a pair while I did some laundry here. 367 00:16:15,244 --> 00:16:16,687 I don't have a washing machine. 368 00:16:19,044 --> 00:16:20,200 What the hell? 369 00:16:20,234 --> 00:16:22,429 Whoa, whoa, whoa, don't get mad, don't get mad! 370 00:16:24,383 --> 00:16:26,434 I'm homeless, Jeff, okay? 371 00:16:26,551 --> 00:16:27,990 When my wife found out about Shirley and me, 372 00:16:27,991 --> 00:16:30,157 she kicked me out... For good this time! 373 00:16:30,209 --> 00:16:33,323 My whole life is in this dishwasher, man! 374 00:16:33,801 --> 00:16:36,201 Well, some of it's also soaking in your bathtub. 375 00:16:38,277 --> 00:16:38,728 Oh... 376 00:16:38,729 --> 00:16:40,595 So wasted and sleepy. 377 00:16:41,201 --> 00:16:43,016 I could probably just crash here and, you know, 378 00:16:43,017 --> 00:16:45,461 I can start looking for a place in the morning. 379 00:16:47,175 --> 00:16:50,032 What... You orchestrated this entire party 380 00:16:50,033 --> 00:16:52,214 just so you could weasel your way into staying here! 381 00:16:52,215 --> 00:16:53,396 You weren't even going to notice. 382 00:16:53,397 --> 00:16:54,892 Hey, Jeff, don't kill the messenger, 383 00:16:54,893 --> 00:16:57,890 but you have four hermit crabs in your bathroom sink. 384 00:16:58,547 --> 00:17:00,796 You'll fall in love with them. I named one Jeff. 385 00:17:00,797 --> 00:17:02,729 How long did you actually think you were gonna stay here? 386 00:17:02,730 --> 00:17:05,838 Just a month. Three...Tops. 387 00:17:06,051 --> 00:17:08,247 I mean... how long is your lease? 388 00:17:17,490 --> 00:17:19,118 Way to go, idiots! 389 00:17:23,532 --> 00:17:25,595 All right, everybody out. 390 00:17:25,596 --> 00:17:26,713 I'm not kidding. 391 00:17:27,398 --> 00:17:28,603 It's been very interesting 392 00:17:28,604 --> 00:17:31,981 getting to know you all much, much better. 393 00:17:32,212 --> 00:17:34,669 Star-burns, Leonard, Magnitude. 394 00:17:34,670 --> 00:17:35,713 Pop, pop 395 00:17:36,133 --> 00:17:39,489 swizzle, scandalous, C Dubb, Tim. 396 00:17:39,556 --> 00:17:41,518 Mighty D. Glisten. 397 00:17:41,519 --> 00:17:43,194 Good night, everyone. Faster. Move it. 398 00:17:43,195 --> 00:17:44,159 Thank you. 399 00:17:45,074 --> 00:17:46,031 Well... 400 00:17:46,243 --> 00:17:48,255 I hope you found tonight therapeutic, 401 00:17:48,256 --> 00:17:51,060 because I would love to pretend that that was my plan. 402 00:17:51,998 --> 00:17:52,966 Well, I actually started to have fun 403 00:17:52,967 --> 00:17:55,289 until that maniac tried to move in. 404 00:17:55,487 --> 00:17:58,667 What is it about me that makes broken people flock to me? 405 00:17:58,808 --> 00:17:59,995 Is it my height? 406 00:18:00,102 --> 00:18:02,753 Do huddled masses mistake me for the Statue of Liberty? 407 00:18:02,754 --> 00:18:03,696 I don't know. 408 00:18:03,697 --> 00:18:05,577 But being as how you're halfway through 409 00:18:05,578 --> 00:18:08,150 your second year at Greendale, you may want to 410 00:18:08,151 --> 00:18:09,867 either stop resisting 411 00:18:10,281 --> 00:18:12,805 or admit that you're actually starting to enjoy it. 412 00:18:12,806 --> 00:18:14,346 Well, you assume I enjoy it 413 00:18:14,347 --> 00:18:16,442 because you think you'd enjoy it. 414 00:18:16,443 --> 00:18:19,224 That's true. I am very lonely. 415 00:18:22,291 --> 00:18:24,603 You want a, uh, nice little taste 416 00:18:24,604 --> 00:18:26,250 of what you're missing in a relationship 417 00:18:26,251 --> 00:18:27,505 with six nutcases? 418 00:18:27,506 --> 00:18:29,505 - Yeah! - Let's turn on my phone 419 00:18:29,506 --> 00:18:31,074 and listen to the 39 messages 420 00:18:31,075 --> 00:18:32,518 they left tonight. 421 00:18:33,108 --> 00:18:35,769 You have no new messages. 422 00:18:37,501 --> 00:18:39,737 Huh. That's... 423 00:18:41,173 --> 00:18:42,105 Huh. 424 00:18:42,868 --> 00:18:44,181 Since you've got it turned on, 425 00:18:44,182 --> 00:18:46,472 why don't you call me a cab and then pay for it? 426 00:18:46,795 --> 00:18:48,425 Must have been some kind of trouble. 427 00:18:49,323 --> 00:18:50,324 Ah... 428 00:18:50,841 --> 00:18:52,557 What a relief that would be. 429 00:18:54,457 --> 00:18:55,625 Tell you what, if you need me, 430 00:18:55,626 --> 00:18:57,958 I'm gonna be waiting for my cab down here. 431 00:18:59,587 --> 00:19:01,094 Having a special nap. 432 00:19:12,268 --> 00:19:13,233 Oh! 433 00:19:28,969 --> 00:19:30,881 Thanks, bro. I'll be gone in the morning. 434 00:19:31,297 --> 00:19:32,884 Yeah. Whatever. 435 00:19:32,885 --> 00:19:34,986 Okay. Maybe I stay a while. 436 00:19:38,025 --> 00:19:40,301 - Thirsty. - Don't push it. 437 00:19:40,569 --> 00:19:41,548 All right... 438 00:19:42,409 --> 00:19:44,763 It might not shock you guys to hear the real reason 439 00:19:44,764 --> 00:19:46,340 we had a fight today... 440 00:19:47,691 --> 00:19:49,556 It wasn't about the Barenaked Ladies. 441 00:19:49,557 --> 00:19:51,940 Although I do have some unresolved issues there. 442 00:19:52,699 --> 00:19:55,139 Caring about a person can be scary. 443 00:19:55,311 --> 00:19:59,122 Caring about six people can be a horrifying embarrassing nightmare. 444 00:19:59,123 --> 00:20:00,345 At least for me. 445 00:20:01,020 --> 00:20:02,533 But if I can't say it today, 446 00:20:02,534 --> 00:20:04,075 when can I say it? 447 00:20:04,919 --> 00:20:06,292 I love you, guys. 448 00:20:06,986 --> 00:20:08,481 Oh, and, Pierce... 449 00:20:08,482 --> 00:20:09,987 Take it from an expert... 450 00:20:10,103 --> 00:20:12,659 These knuckleheads are right outside your heart. 451 00:20:13,003 --> 00:20:14,323 Let them in. 452 00:20:15,071 --> 00:20:16,371 Before it's too late. 453 00:20:18,196 --> 00:20:19,626 Happy Valentine's Day. 454 00:20:27,811 --> 00:20:30,014 - Be mine? - Right! Yes! 455 00:20:34,540 --> 00:20:36,238 - Love you. - Amazing! 456 00:20:41,506 --> 00:20:42,498 You're cute? 457 00:20:43,466 --> 00:20:44,440 No, wait. 458 00:20:46,620 --> 00:20:48,970 - Kiss me. - There has got to be a way 459 00:20:48,971 --> 00:20:50,932 to make money off of this! 460 00:20:54,570 --> 00:20:55,629 I've been cheating. 461 00:20:59,336 --> 00:21:01,947 No. It says email me.