1
00:00:04,194 --> 00:00:05,327
Annie, two gifts?
2
00:00:05,378 --> 00:00:06,412
Thank you.
3
00:00:06,413 --> 00:00:08,297
Well, I wanted to get
the baby a doll
4
00:00:08,365 --> 00:00:10,766
and since the father
might be Andre or Chang,
5
00:00:10,834 --> 00:00:13,018
I wanted all
ethnic bases covered.
6
00:00:13,103 --> 00:00:16,238
So there's a little
African-American girl.
7
00:00:19,209 --> 00:00:22,111
And there's a very nice letter
from the manufacturer
8
00:00:22,178 --> 00:00:23,946
promising to expand
their selection.
9
00:00:24,013 --> 00:00:25,848
Oh, is everyone
enjoying their egg rolls
10
00:00:25,915 --> 00:00:27,649
and/or Mieliepap.
11
00:00:27,717 --> 00:00:30,586
A traditional maize porridge
popular in Ghana?
12
00:00:30,653 --> 00:00:32,955
Annie, you are aware that baby
showers can be race neutral.
13
00:00:33,022 --> 00:00:35,457
Yes, thank you, Annie,
for trying to be inclusive,
14
00:00:35,525 --> 00:00:39,545
but, um, regardless
of any biological happenstance,
15
00:00:39,629 --> 00:00:41,580
this baby will be raised
by Andre and I.
16
00:00:41,664 --> 00:00:44,333
That's right.
And I seem to recall a story
17
00:00:44,401 --> 00:00:45,834
about a man named Joseph
18
00:00:45,902 --> 00:00:47,836
who happily raised a baby
that wasn't his.
19
00:00:47,904 --> 00:00:50,739
History's greatest chump.
20
00:00:50,807 --> 00:00:52,400
We're talking
about Joe Kennedy, right?
21
00:00:52,401 --> 00:00:54,719
It's cool. If it's mine,
I'll be a lovable uncle.
22
00:00:55,345 --> 00:00:58,013
Okay, a creepy uncle.
Final offer.
23
00:00:59,004 --> 00:01:00,483
This is from me and Troy.
24
00:01:00,769 --> 00:01:01,948
When your child
is a lone scavenger
25
00:01:01,949 --> 00:01:03,020
in the nuclear wasteland,
26
00:01:03,034 --> 00:01:04,568
clean water will be worth
its weight in gold.
27
00:01:04,604 --> 00:01:06,721
Yeah, we wanted to get him
a sawed-off shotgun,
28
00:01:06,773 --> 00:01:09,558
but those are pretty
expensive already.
29
00:01:09,626 --> 00:01:11,193
Sorry.
You people eat this stuff?
30
00:01:11,261 --> 00:01:12,928
I've never seen
that stuff in my life.
31
00:01:12,996 --> 00:01:15,109
You know, you really
shouldn't say "you people."
32
00:01:15,110 --> 00:01:15,984
Oh, it's okay.
33
00:01:15,985 --> 00:01:16,941
Pierce was having trouble
34
00:01:16,942 --> 00:01:18,476
quitting offensive phrases
cold Turkey,
35
00:01:18,565 --> 00:01:20,432
so we've created
a bargaining system.
36
00:01:20,637 --> 00:01:23,605
We traded "you people" for some
of his other favorite phrases.
37
00:01:23,673 --> 00:01:27,042
Yeah, I really got...
Jewish-personed out of that one.
38
00:01:27,110 --> 00:01:29,962
- Here, open mine.
- Thank you.
39
00:01:33,316 --> 00:01:35,651
Oh, a cigar cutter,
40
00:01:35,718 --> 00:01:38,086
Maxim magazine, and hot sauce.
41
00:01:38,154 --> 00:01:39,087
It's a theme gift.
44
00:01:41,991 --> 00:01:43,258
Sorry I'm late.
45
00:01:43,326 --> 00:01:45,811
Can I get a ni hao
up in this hizzy?
46
00:01:45,895 --> 00:01:48,280
Why is everyone in this school
obsessed with race?
47
00:01:48,364 --> 00:01:50,566
White-people problems.
48
00:01:50,633 --> 00:01:53,068
Ooh, that looks fun.
49
00:01:53,136 --> 00:01:55,370
Oh, Troy, Abed,
who was that cute guy
50
00:01:55,438 --> 00:01:57,172
that I saw you
outside with earlier?
51
00:01:57,240 --> 00:01:58,465
Oh, that's Lukka.
That's our new friend.
52
00:01:58,466 --> 00:02:00,533
- He's in Troy's history class.
- Oh, yeah, he's awesome.
53
00:02:00,697 --> 00:02:02,598
He has an accent.
He rolls his own cigarettes.
54
00:02:02,645 --> 00:02:04,179
And he plays
the same video games as us.
55
00:02:04,247 --> 00:02:05,280
We like him a lot.
56
00:02:05,348 --> 00:02:08,116
So you're not allowed
to bone him.
57
00:02:08,184 --> 00:02:09,918
You just guaranteed
she'll bone him.
58
00:02:09,986 --> 00:02:12,254
Mmm. Mmm. Mmm.
59
00:02:12,305 --> 00:02:14,306
Mmm.
Ugh, who am I kidding?
60
00:02:14,390 --> 00:02:16,592
I should be putting this
right on my thighs.
61
00:02:17,262 --> 00:02:21,762
Community 2x18 - Custody Law and Eastern European Diplomacy
62
00:02:21,763 --> 00:02:26,283
Sync by vNaru - Corrected by addic7ed.com
www.addic7ed.com
63
00:02:44,102 --> 00:02:45,753
Watch out, Abed.
There's a guy on your six.
64
00:02:45,820 --> 00:02:47,571
That's why I'm taking out
my nine millimeter.
65
00:02:47,655 --> 00:02:48,456
Please.
66
00:02:48,457 --> 00:02:50,157
In my country,
we give nine millimeter
67
00:02:50,224 --> 00:02:51,959
to little girl for sweet 16.
68
00:02:52,026 --> 00:02:53,894
- Try grenade launcher.
- Cool.
69
00:02:56,431 --> 00:02:58,732
Easy peasy, lemon squeezy.
70
00:02:58,783 --> 00:03:00,601
Knock, knock.
71
00:03:00,668 --> 00:03:02,436
Hey, I was just stopping by.
72
00:03:02,504 --> 00:03:04,190
Oh, is this a bad time?
73
00:03:04,191 --> 00:03:04,833
- Yeah.
- Yeah.
74
00:03:04,834 --> 00:03:06,045
Gentlemen, it's no way
75
00:03:06,046 --> 00:03:07,846
to treat a girl
that looks this way.
76
00:03:08,100 --> 00:03:09,367
Come in.
77
00:03:09,410 --> 00:03:11,128
- I'm Lukka.
- Britta.
78
00:03:11,212 --> 00:03:12,546
Like, uh, Britney Spears.
79
00:03:12,597 --> 00:03:14,465
Exactly like Britney Spears.
80
00:03:20,638 --> 00:03:22,322
Britta was just leaving.
81
00:03:22,390 --> 00:03:23,589
No, no, no, stay.
82
00:03:23,590 --> 00:03:25,791
Visit with your friends.
I must go anyway.
83
00:03:25,994 --> 00:03:28,228
- Oh!
- Yes, I'm cooking Podvarak.
84
00:03:28,279 --> 00:03:30,330
- Oh, I've never had that.
- I could make for you.
85
00:03:30,398 --> 00:03:32,316
Okay, I'll give you my number.
86
00:03:32,400 --> 00:03:34,902
You are her boyfriends?
87
00:03:36,104 --> 00:03:37,404
I love these guys.
88
00:03:37,405 --> 00:03:39,389
They make funny
with their mouths.
89
00:03:39,567 --> 00:03:41,101
Here you go.
90
00:03:41,309 --> 00:03:44,111
- I leave.
- Okay.
91
00:03:44,164 --> 00:03:44,973
What?
92
00:03:44,974 --> 00:03:46,774
- He asked me out.
- You're not allowed.
93
00:03:46,852 --> 00:03:48,186
- Not allowed?
- You'll ruin him.
94
00:03:48,550 --> 00:03:49,787
- I'll ruin him?
- Stop repeating.
95
00:03:49,788 --> 00:03:51,372
Stop rep...rimanding me,
96
00:03:51,553 --> 00:03:52,820
and explain why I'll ruin him.
97
00:03:52,887 --> 00:03:54,667
Britta, you date guys
that we think are cool,
98
00:03:54,668 --> 00:03:56,392
and when you decide
you don't like them anymore,
99
00:03:56,393 --> 00:03:57,659
you tell us
horrible things about them
100
00:03:57,823 --> 00:03:58,943
that we can never unhear.
101
00:03:58,944 --> 00:04:00,278
Name one guy I did that with.
102
00:04:00,361 --> 00:04:02,784
- That one dude, tall Kyle.
- Jeff.
103
00:04:02,785 --> 00:04:04,219
Jeff?
I ruined Jeff?
104
00:04:04,239 --> 00:04:06,107
Oh, you mean
Jeff "nipple play" winger?
105
00:04:06,286 --> 00:04:08,270
No, as you can see, we're still
hanging out with him.
106
00:04:08,311 --> 00:04:09,778
How's it going, Jeff?
107
00:04:10,039 --> 00:04:11,089
Promise me
you won't date Lukka,
108
00:04:11,090 --> 00:04:12,254
and I'll give you one of these.
109
00:04:12,255 --> 00:04:12,993
It's a sweatshirt I made
110
00:04:12,994 --> 00:04:14,895
for everyone who was part of the
paintball adventure last year.
111
00:04:15,325 --> 00:04:16,039
You should have given me
112
00:04:16,041 --> 00:04:18,875
one of those a long time ago.
I kicked your asses.
113
00:04:23,251 --> 00:04:26,036
Don't date Lukka.
114
00:04:26,120 --> 00:04:27,721
"Hit my genie bottle"?
115
00:04:27,789 --> 00:04:30,657
What the... what was that?
116
00:04:30,708 --> 00:04:31,883
Ooh, ooh, Jeff, Jeff,
117
00:04:31,884 --> 00:04:33,802
I was, um, hoping
you can help me with something?
118
00:04:33,952 --> 00:04:36,120
Sure.
Let's have a look here.
119
00:04:36,364 --> 00:04:37,858
Let's see, uh, pieces of paper,
120
00:04:37,859 --> 00:04:39,360
stapled together,
lot of writing.
121
00:04:39,701 --> 00:04:41,116
I'm afraid this is
as far as I can go.
122
00:04:41,117 --> 00:04:42,472
No, no, no, I don't want
you to read it, Jeff.
123
00:04:42,473 --> 00:04:44,184
I want you to help me
get Chang to sign it.
124
00:04:44,185 --> 00:04:45,585
It's a little
something-something
125
00:04:45,586 --> 00:04:46,695
I had an attorney draw up.
126
00:04:46,730 --> 00:04:47,788
This little
something-something
127
00:04:47,789 --> 00:04:49,290
is a forfeiture
of parental rights.
128
00:04:49,395 --> 00:04:51,196
Mm-hmm.
Better safe than sorry.
129
00:04:52,013 --> 00:04:53,310
Why do you need me
to make Chang
130
00:04:53,311 --> 00:04:54,361
sign away
his hypothetical baby?
131
00:04:54,616 --> 00:04:56,349
Isn't he sort of
living with you?
132
00:04:56,401 --> 00:04:58,235
- Not cool, Shirley.
- You have a rapport with him...
133
00:04:58,319 --> 00:04:59,586
Not cool, Shirley.
134
00:04:59,654 --> 00:05:01,572
Besides, as your friend,
can I tell you,
135
00:05:01,656 --> 00:05:03,023
don't poke that bear.
136
00:05:03,091 --> 00:05:04,408
I mean, I think right now
137
00:05:04,492 --> 00:05:06,326
you're as protected
as you can get.
138
00:05:06,377 --> 00:05:07,409
I don't see Chang as being
139
00:05:07,410 --> 00:05:08,544
a real hands-on
baby daddy.
140
00:05:08,871 --> 00:05:10,807
Oh, so now we're all
in the business
141
00:05:10,808 --> 00:05:13,110
of knowing what's going on
in Chang's head, huh?
142
00:05:13,534 --> 00:05:14,751
Huh?
143
00:05:19,557 --> 00:05:20,948
Fine.
For the child.
144
00:05:20,984 --> 00:05:22,651
- God bless you.
- Not lately.
145
00:05:28,049 --> 00:05:30,901
Oh, I'm, um...
Oh, I'm so sorry,
146
00:05:30,985 --> 00:05:34,321
but could you just
not tell Troy and Abed
147
00:05:34,388 --> 00:05:35,589
that we went out tonight?
148
00:05:35,657 --> 00:05:36,466
No problem.
149
00:05:36,552 --> 00:05:39,061
It's just, um...
They're just really worried
150
00:05:39,062 --> 00:05:41,762
if you and I,
you know, see each other
151
00:05:41,763 --> 00:05:44,297
that it's somehow gonna affect
your friendship with them.
152
00:05:44,449 --> 00:05:46,366
Hey, don't worry.
Don't worry.
153
00:05:46,434 --> 00:05:48,190
I can keep a secret.
154
00:05:48,220 --> 00:05:49,587
I'm from the Balkans.
155
00:05:49,655 --> 00:05:51,890
There are many things
I try not to talk about.
156
00:05:53,993 --> 00:05:55,493
Lukka...
157
00:05:55,561 --> 00:05:57,028
I knew it.
158
00:05:57,096 --> 00:05:59,664
I knew there was pain in there.
159
00:05:59,732 --> 00:06:00,998
Just so you know,
160
00:06:01,050 --> 00:06:03,267
you can talk to me
about anything.
161
00:06:05,004 --> 00:06:07,205
So much killing...
162
00:06:07,273 --> 00:06:10,842
The corpses
stacked like firewood,
163
00:06:10,910 --> 00:06:13,077
the rivers red
with their blood...
164
00:06:13,145 --> 00:06:14,679
I miss it so much.
165
00:06:14,730 --> 00:06:16,915
Oh, Lukka.
166
00:06:16,982 --> 00:06:19,534
Mm. Wait, just, um...
Just to clarify,
167
00:06:19,618 --> 00:06:21,018
when you say you miss it,
168
00:06:21,070 --> 00:06:23,187
it's like... like you have
survivor's guilt,
169
00:06:23,255 --> 00:06:25,073
like you wish you were
back over there
170
00:06:25,157 --> 00:06:26,424
defending
the motherland, right?
171
00:06:26,492 --> 00:06:29,360
Yes, I-I miss cleansing
our fields and forests
172
00:06:29,428 --> 00:06:31,429
of the unclean people
who stole my country.
173
00:06:31,497 --> 00:06:35,400
I miss the smell
of the villages burning.
174
00:06:36,802 --> 00:06:41,039
I miss the way they used to run
from our tanks in fear.
175
00:06:42,975 --> 00:06:44,409
Ah, damn it.
176
00:06:44,476 --> 00:06:46,761
My neighbor is jazz musician.
177
00:06:46,845 --> 00:06:48,413
Hey, Spencer, come on, man.
178
00:06:48,480 --> 00:06:50,181
I got woman in here!
179
00:06:51,817 --> 00:06:52,850
Great.
180
00:06:52,918 --> 00:06:54,552
He really knows
how to kill the mood.
181
00:07:00,276 --> 00:07:02,527
What are you doing?
Did you look for a job today?
182
00:07:02,595 --> 00:07:03,761
I was going to,
183
00:07:03,829 --> 00:07:05,580
but I noticed
your coffee table's wobbly,
184
00:07:05,664 --> 00:07:08,333
so I decided to fix it.
185
00:07:08,400 --> 00:07:10,535
Ugh!
186
00:07:10,603 --> 00:07:13,371
It must be the floor.
187
00:07:13,439 --> 00:07:15,506
Don't saw the floor.
Don't saw anything.
188
00:07:15,574 --> 00:07:18,760
I'm tired of confiscating saws.
Give me that.
189
00:07:18,844 --> 00:07:22,714
Take this.
190
00:07:22,765 --> 00:07:24,882
"Parental rights"?
191
00:07:24,950 --> 00:07:27,385
- You're adopting me?
- It's from Shirley.
192
00:07:27,453 --> 00:07:29,220
It gives her
and Andre the baby.
193
00:07:29,288 --> 00:07:31,089
Sign it.
194
00:07:31,156 --> 00:07:32,724
Oh, and if anyone asks,
195
00:07:32,775 --> 00:07:35,326
this was my most convincing
speech ever.
196
00:07:41,847 --> 00:07:43,447
Why are you crying?
197
00:07:44,751 --> 00:07:45,639
Ugh.
198
00:07:45,640 --> 00:07:48,041
Don't tell me you actually
wanted to be a father.
199
00:07:48,123 --> 00:07:50,475
I don't know.
200
00:07:50,542 --> 00:07:52,327
Maybe.
201
00:07:52,411 --> 00:07:55,079
I mean, what if this
is my last chance?
202
00:07:55,147 --> 00:07:58,572
I mean, between you and me,
I don't Chang a lot of chicks.
203
00:07:58,987 --> 00:08:01,453
But fathers are responsible.
They have jobs.
204
00:08:01,454 --> 00:08:03,521
You, you crash
on people's couches
205
00:08:03,522 --> 00:08:05,722
and twitch in your sleep
like a dog dreaming of a rabbit.
206
00:08:05,723 --> 00:08:07,524
It's real!
You don't...
207
00:08:07,889 --> 00:08:08,668
Wait.
208
00:08:10,111 --> 00:08:14,536
So you're saying if I get a job
and my own apartment,
209
00:08:15,257 --> 00:08:19,226
Shirley might let me be part
of my baby's life?
210
00:08:21,789 --> 00:08:22,837
Yes.
211
00:08:23,442 --> 00:08:25,844
That's exactly what I'm saying.
212
00:08:27,355 --> 00:08:29,756
- So does that mean I can...?
- Go for it.
213
00:08:31,984 --> 00:08:34,018
Where do you keep
getting these?
214
00:08:40,285 --> 00:08:41,819
Hey, guys, where are you going?
215
00:08:41,870 --> 00:08:42,934
We're grabbing lunch
216
00:08:42,935 --> 00:08:44,403
for a marathon video game
session with Lukka.
217
00:08:44,706 --> 00:08:47,157
Lots of fork foods... don't want
to grease up the troops.
218
00:08:47,225 --> 00:08:49,076
Oh, speaking of Lukka,
219
00:08:49,160 --> 00:08:51,328
how much do you guys know
about him, anyway?
220
00:08:51,396 --> 00:08:52,763
- Why?
- Did you start dating him,
221
00:08:52,831 --> 00:08:54,865
and now you want to tell us
horrible things about him?
222
00:08:54,933 --> 00:08:55,751
What? No.
223
00:08:55,752 --> 00:08:57,084
Good, 'cause Lukka's gonna
teach us how to break the will
224
00:08:57,085 --> 00:08:58,677
of an entire village
by killing their livestock
225
00:08:58,678 --> 00:08:59,962
and desecrating
their places of worship.
226
00:09:00,011 --> 00:09:01,044
That sounds horrific.
227
00:09:01,274 --> 00:09:03,258
Ugh. Girls are
so un-desensitized.
228
00:09:09,092 --> 00:09:10,453
Jeffrey.
229
00:09:11,583 --> 00:09:13,083
- Hey, guys.
- Hey, man.
230
00:09:13,151 --> 00:09:14,079
How'd that little talk go
231
00:09:14,080 --> 00:09:15,013
with Chang last night?
232
00:09:15,091 --> 00:09:16,124
Yeah, about that, Shirley,
233
00:09:16,381 --> 00:09:18,355
I gave my most
convincing speech ever,
234
00:09:18,356 --> 00:09:19,890
- and it didn't take.
- Didn't take?
235
00:09:20,125 --> 00:09:21,375
We're not giving him
a perm, Jeff.
236
00:09:21,376 --> 00:09:22,760
We just need to him
to sign a contract.
237
00:09:23,194 --> 00:09:25,329
Well, "need" is...
Is a strong word.
238
00:09:25,397 --> 00:09:27,063
I think Shirley would feel
more comfortable
239
00:09:27,115 --> 00:09:28,465
if we had something in writing.
240
00:09:28,533 --> 00:09:31,068
However,
I believe that we can handle
241
00:09:31,136 --> 00:09:33,170
whatever obstacle
comes our way.
242
00:09:33,238 --> 00:09:34,788
Aw, baby.
243
00:09:34,873 --> 00:09:37,925
Well, good,
good morning, everybody.
244
00:09:38,009 --> 00:09:39,443
Did you see
the stock market today?
245
00:09:39,511 --> 00:09:42,246
Up, down...
Pick a direction, huh?
246
00:09:42,313 --> 00:09:43,709
Man, I don't know
about you guys,
247
00:09:43,710 --> 00:09:45,645
but I've been circling
these want ads all morning.
248
00:09:45,950 --> 00:09:49,252
Now, who wants to take a break
and build a birdhouse?
249
00:09:49,304 --> 00:09:50,774
Chang, what's going on?
250
00:09:50,775 --> 00:09:52,058
I'm just getting
my act together.
251
00:09:52,273 --> 00:09:53,423
I got a baby coming.
252
00:09:53,475 --> 00:09:55,425
I can almost hear
the pitter-patter
253
00:09:55,477 --> 00:09:57,928
of little Chinese feet
across the treetops.
254
00:09:57,979 --> 00:09:59,396
And when that happens,
255
00:09:59,447 --> 00:10:01,899
I got to be
the best dad I can be.
256
00:10:01,950 --> 00:10:03,450
Right, Jeff, huh?
257
00:10:03,535 --> 00:10:05,246
Come on,
don't leave me hanging,
258
00:10:05,247 --> 00:10:06,647
my main mentor.
259
00:10:07,038 --> 00:10:08,772
Oh, hey,
is that a reason to leave?
260
00:10:08,823 --> 00:10:10,324
Jeffrey? Excuse me.
261
00:10:10,340 --> 00:10:11,874
Jeffrey!
262
00:10:11,993 --> 00:10:14,110
Let me ask you a question,
dad-to-dad.
263
00:10:14,162 --> 00:10:16,997
Why do I have to put
the vcr on three
264
00:10:17,081 --> 00:10:19,016
if Bones is on five?
265
00:10:19,798 --> 00:10:20,475
Hmm?
266
00:10:20,585 --> 00:10:23,170
Jeff! Jeffrey!
267
00:10:23,254 --> 00:10:26,924
I know you not gonna make
a pregnant woman run.
268
00:10:29,894 --> 00:10:31,595
I know you not gonna make
a pregnant woman
269
00:10:31,663 --> 00:10:35,566
walk this distance between us.
270
00:10:35,633 --> 00:10:37,034
So I ask you to help me,
271
00:10:37,101 --> 00:10:38,387
and you take that
as an opportunity
272
00:10:38,388 --> 00:10:39,921
to get Chang
out of your apartment?
273
00:10:40,188 --> 00:10:41,647
Hey, who am I to stand
in the way
274
00:10:41,648 --> 00:10:43,201
of someone trying
to put their life together?
275
00:10:43,340 --> 00:10:44,924
- What am I, daytime television?
- Very cute, Jeff.
276
00:10:45,243 --> 00:10:46,549
Well, how cute is it gonna be
277
00:10:46,550 --> 00:10:48,318
when that lunatic
is dangling my baby
278
00:10:48,433 --> 00:10:50,101
over a lion cage
on alternate weekends?
279
00:10:50,381 --> 00:10:52,449
Could be pretty cute.
Are they baby lions?
280
00:10:52,517 --> 00:10:54,651
New low, Jeff, even for you.
281
00:10:54,702 --> 00:10:57,254
Shirley...
282
00:10:57,322 --> 00:10:59,723
Right. I'm not gonna make
a pregnant woman storm off?
283
00:11:02,010 --> 00:11:03,229
Look at them run.
284
00:11:03,302 --> 00:11:05,203
They must die like
the maggots that they are.
285
00:11:05,396 --> 00:11:07,030
Whoa, Lukka, I didn't know
we got extra points
286
00:11:07,098 --> 00:11:08,499
- for killing villagers.
- He's amazing.
287
00:11:08,566 --> 00:11:10,300
And I thought I knew everything
about this game.
288
00:11:10,368 --> 00:11:11,885
Britta.
289
00:11:11,970 --> 00:11:12,903
Hi, Lukka.
290
00:11:12,971 --> 00:11:14,263
- No!
- Unbelievable.
291
00:11:14,264 --> 00:11:16,781
Guys, calm down.
I'm just here
292
00:11:16,841 --> 00:11:20,978
for my "trekkies do it
in the final frontier" hat.
293
00:11:21,045 --> 00:11:21,979
That's my hat.
294
00:11:22,030 --> 00:11:22,629
- Really?
- Mm-hmm.
295
00:11:22,630 --> 00:11:23,997
- Are you sure?
- Yep.
296
00:11:29,037 --> 00:11:32,389
Hey, Lukka, you are
really good at this game,
297
00:11:32,457 --> 00:11:35,993
and there must be a reason that
you are so good at this game.
298
00:11:36,060 --> 00:11:38,462
Britta, though your flirtation
technique is hilarious,
299
00:11:38,529 --> 00:11:39,546
it's distracting.
300
00:11:39,631 --> 00:11:41,632
Lukka is kicking
serious ass right now.
301
00:11:41,699 --> 00:11:43,367
He just set fire
to a farmers market.
302
00:11:43,434 --> 00:11:45,636
Bang, bang, you're dead!
303
00:11:45,703 --> 00:11:48,939
Save your tears
for your dog mother in hell!
304
00:11:50,508 --> 00:11:52,542
Okay, fine.
305
00:11:53,353 --> 00:11:54,725
Wait a minute.
306
00:11:55,246 --> 00:11:57,598
You have DVD blu-ray disc
307
00:11:57,628 --> 00:11:59,598
Kick Puncher 3 : "The Final Kickening."
308
00:11:59,967 --> 00:12:01,132
You let me borrow, no?
309
00:12:01,185 --> 00:12:02,386
Ah, no can do, Lukka.
Sorry.
310
00:12:02,485 --> 00:12:03,245
Thanks to guys like Pierce
311
00:12:03,246 --> 00:12:04,581
who kept writing "this side up"
on all my disks,
312
00:12:04,582 --> 00:12:06,983
I have a strict
no-lending policy on my DVDs.
313
00:12:07,392 --> 00:12:09,760
What would happen
if somebody broke that rule?
314
00:12:09,827 --> 00:12:11,789
They'd be dead to me forever.
315
00:12:11,790 --> 00:12:13,791
Maybe we watch Kick Puncher 3
"The Final Kickening"
316
00:12:14,098 --> 00:12:15,032
together sometime.
317
00:12:15,099 --> 00:12:17,251
Yes, Lukka, maybe we do.
318
00:12:17,335 --> 00:12:19,636
May... be...
319
00:12:19,704 --> 00:12:22,306
we... do.
320
00:12:23,657 --> 00:12:25,838
Would you please leave?
321
00:12:26,477 --> 00:12:27,744
I don't want to play anymore.
322
00:12:27,812 --> 00:12:29,546
- I feel sick.
- She's strange.
323
00:12:33,751 --> 00:12:35,485
Hey, Chang, can I talk
to you for a second?
324
00:12:35,553 --> 00:12:37,921
Sorry, can't talk
till I see my face in this.
325
00:12:37,972 --> 00:12:40,223
Well, can I give you
some advice...
326
00:12:40,275 --> 00:12:41,162
Dad-to-dad?
327
00:12:41,163 --> 00:12:42,429
Oh, hold on, hold on, hold on.
328
00:12:42,458 --> 00:12:44,426
My pipe. Okay.
329
00:12:47,699 --> 00:12:49,232
What's on your mind, neighbor?
330
00:12:49,300 --> 00:12:51,118
I think it's great
that you're trying to get
331
00:12:51,202 --> 00:12:52,452
your life together, right?
332
00:12:52,537 --> 00:12:54,488
But for your sake
and for Shirley's,
333
00:12:54,572 --> 00:12:56,406
I think you just need
to relax a little.
334
00:12:56,474 --> 00:12:58,241
Oh, I see what's going on.
335
00:12:58,309 --> 00:12:59,609
You're scared.
336
00:12:59,661 --> 00:13:01,278
Feel me coming up
on your tail, huh?
337
00:13:01,346 --> 00:13:02,512
No... no, no.
338
00:13:02,580 --> 00:13:05,582
Man, listen, I've been a father
for 11 years,
339
00:13:05,633 --> 00:13:07,484
and a good one for 9 of those.
340
00:13:07,552 --> 00:13:08,696
Now, I'm there
when they're sick.
341
00:13:08,697 --> 00:13:10,798
I pick 'em up from school,
help 'em with their homework.
342
00:13:11,255 --> 00:13:13,323
See, Chang,
it's not how you act,
343
00:13:13,391 --> 00:13:15,092
it's what you do.
344
00:13:15,143 --> 00:13:16,560
I do.
345
00:13:16,627 --> 00:13:20,463
You think that pool table
put aluminum siding on itself?
346
00:13:20,515 --> 00:13:21,865
Ow.
347
00:13:21,933 --> 00:13:24,601
Uh, yeah, see, that's not
what I'm talking about.
348
00:13:27,338 --> 00:13:30,440
I'll go ahead
and consider that point missed.
349
00:13:33,444 --> 00:13:34,845
I got your text.
What's going on?
350
00:13:34,912 --> 00:13:36,364
Something terrible
has happened.
351
00:13:36,365 --> 00:13:38,066
My Kick Puncher 3: "The Final Kickening" DVD
352
00:13:38,141 --> 00:13:39,008
is missing.
353
00:13:39,102 --> 00:13:40,069
Oh, that's awful.
354
00:13:40,351 --> 00:13:42,319
Somebody took it?
Who would...
355
00:13:42,387 --> 00:13:45,322
Wait.
"Kickmuncher 3"?
356
00:13:45,390 --> 00:13:48,592
Wasn't that the movie
that Lukka was...?
357
00:13:48,660 --> 00:13:50,761
You don't think...?
358
00:13:50,828 --> 00:13:52,629
Unless...
359
00:13:52,697 --> 00:13:54,946
You don't suppose...?
However...
360
00:13:54,947 --> 00:13:56,014
No.
361
00:13:56,094 --> 00:13:57,130
That would mean that you guys
362
00:13:57,131 --> 00:14:00,066
would have to stop
hanging out... no!
363
00:14:00,805 --> 00:14:03,190
We have video of you
taking the DVD, Britta.
364
00:14:03,274 --> 00:14:05,042
What?
365
00:14:11,432 --> 00:14:13,433
You have a security camera
in your room?
366
00:14:13,458 --> 00:14:14,811
It's for an extremely
thorough documentary
367
00:14:14,812 --> 00:14:15,699
I'm making on my life.
368
00:14:15,700 --> 00:14:16,928
It's mostly footage
of me watching dailies,
369
00:14:16,929 --> 00:14:18,409
but every once in a while
it comes in handy.
370
00:14:18,410 --> 00:14:19,777
I don't understand
why you would do this
371
00:14:19,876 --> 00:14:20,976
and then
try to pin it on Lukka.
372
00:14:21,453 --> 00:14:23,686
Now you're just ruining
cool guys for fun.
373
00:14:23,745 --> 00:14:25,058
It's just cruelty, Britta.
374
00:14:25,059 --> 00:14:27,227
You're inhuman.
You're an inhuman person.
375
00:14:27,498 --> 00:14:28,163
You're a monster.
376
00:14:28,164 --> 00:14:29,481
Lukka's a monster for realsies.
377
00:14:29,967 --> 00:14:31,668
I did this so you guys
would stop hanging out with him.
378
00:14:31,736 --> 00:14:32,869
He's a war criminal!
379
00:14:32,937 --> 00:14:34,053
You're embarrassing
yourself, Britta.
380
00:14:34,054 --> 00:14:35,755
In what war is he a criminal...
381
00:14:36,441 --> 00:14:38,542
The battle for our affections?
382
00:14:38,609 --> 00:14:40,629
Uh, how about the genocide
in the Balkans?
383
00:14:40,630 --> 00:14:41,863
Hmm, yeah, you would say that.
384
00:14:42,103 --> 00:14:44,921
You just got caught
red-handed borrowing a DVD
385
00:14:45,016 --> 00:14:47,617
without permission.
386
00:14:49,237 --> 00:14:50,771
You guys have to believe me.
387
00:14:50,855 --> 00:14:54,191
He's so much worse
than tall Kyle!
388
00:15:03,234 --> 00:15:05,585
Hey, Jefe.
389
00:15:05,670 --> 00:15:06,733
- Hola.
- Hola
390
00:15:06,734 --> 00:15:08,268
What are you doing?
Who are these tiny people?
391
00:15:08,606 --> 00:15:10,457
I picked up Shirley's kids
from school,
392
00:15:10,541 --> 00:15:12,409
and I'm helping them
with their Spanish homework.
393
00:15:12,477 --> 00:15:13,960
- Hey, kids.
- Ooh!
394
00:15:14,045 --> 00:15:16,930
Ow.
Watch the cardigan.
395
00:15:17,014 --> 00:15:18,298
What? Why?
396
00:15:18,382 --> 00:15:19,792
To prove I'm a responsible dad.
397
00:15:19,793 --> 00:15:20,928
This proves you're a kidnapper.
398
00:15:20,929 --> 00:15:23,396
- What the hell's wrong with you?
- I am nuts, Jeff!
399
00:15:23,438 --> 00:15:24,638
Get with the program!
400
00:15:24,722 --> 00:15:25,723
Oh, my God.
What have I done?
401
00:15:25,724 --> 00:15:28,326
I can't believe I actually said
you could be a father.
402
00:15:28,759 --> 00:15:30,093
- I can be.
- Oh, no, you can't.
403
00:15:30,161 --> 00:15:32,312
You can't be anything,
and you never will.
404
00:15:32,396 --> 00:15:33,861
I pretended
to have faith in you
405
00:15:33,862 --> 00:15:36,196
to get you off my couch
and out of my apartment.
406
00:15:36,467 --> 00:15:38,485
Now, call Shirley
and beg forgiveness.
407
00:15:38,569 --> 00:15:40,987
Kids, why don't you get
your stuff together?
408
00:15:41,072 --> 00:15:43,156
I'll take you home.
409
00:15:45,159 --> 00:15:46,159
Who's Shirley?
410
00:15:46,244 --> 00:15:48,214
Shirley's your mom, dumbass.
411
00:15:48,215 --> 00:15:49,582
Our mom's name is Loquanda.
412
00:15:49,680 --> 00:15:51,715
Hey, hey, that's racist.
413
00:15:51,783 --> 00:15:54,300
Wait. Is your mom's name
really Loquanda?
414
00:15:54,301 --> 00:15:56,169
Yeah. You said you were
a friend of hers.
415
00:15:56,387 --> 00:15:58,688
Why didn't you know that,
dumbass?
416
00:15:58,756 --> 00:15:59,860
I do! I...
417
00:16:00,084 --> 00:16:02,135
Just playing
a educational game with you!
418
00:16:02,627 --> 00:16:04,062
- Right.
- Don't give me that lip.
419
00:16:04,063 --> 00:16:05,765
Hey, kids, you mind waiting
in the hallway?
420
00:16:06,230 --> 00:16:08,765
- Yeah, no problem.
- Go ahead.
421
00:16:08,816 --> 00:16:10,834
I want you to understand
something while I'm gone.
422
00:16:10,902 --> 00:16:12,636
You are a horrible human being,
423
00:16:12,703 --> 00:16:14,703
and I will never feel sorry
for you again.
424
00:16:14,856 --> 00:16:16,090
I don't care
what happens to you,
425
00:16:16,641 --> 00:16:19,576
and when I get back,
I want you gone.
426
00:16:19,644 --> 00:16:20,648
Oh, believe me,
427
00:16:20,649 --> 00:16:23,784
I will definitely be far,
far away from here.
428
00:16:28,547 --> 00:16:30,451
Hi, policeman,
how much do you pay
429
00:16:30,452 --> 00:16:32,964
for anonymous tips
about kidnappings?
430
00:16:34,284 --> 00:16:36,984
Ok, fine. This one's on me
431
00:16:41,612 --> 00:16:42,720
You're free to go.
432
00:16:42,721 --> 00:16:47,058
Here's your wallet, keys,
and pasties.
433
00:16:47,125 --> 00:16:48,676
They're nipple guards
for running.
434
00:16:48,761 --> 00:16:49,977
Olympic athletes use them.
435
00:16:50,062 --> 00:16:51,496
Buddy, I worked
at a maximum-security prison
436
00:16:51,563 --> 00:16:52,864
for seven years,
437
00:16:52,931 --> 00:16:54,732
and those are still
the gayest thing I've ever seen.
438
00:16:54,800 --> 00:16:57,101
Well, I find that
hard to believe.
439
00:16:57,169 --> 00:16:59,187
Jeffrey, I spoke
to the boys' mother.
440
00:16:59,271 --> 00:17:01,172
She's not gonna press charges.
Are you okay?
441
00:17:01,240 --> 00:17:02,340
Oh, I'm fine.
442
00:17:02,408 --> 00:17:04,125
I spent the night
learning arts and crafts
443
00:17:04,193 --> 00:17:05,860
from my cell mate, Chabo.
444
00:17:05,895 --> 00:17:07,084
Did you know
you can make an ashtray
445
00:17:07,085 --> 00:17:09,186
using only a cigarette
and a snitch's forehead?
446
00:17:09,214 --> 00:17:10,416
Yeah.
447
00:17:11,047 --> 00:17:14,316
Look, uh, Shirley, I'm...
448
00:17:14,820 --> 00:17:16,454
I'm sorry I tried to capitalize
449
00:17:16,522 --> 00:17:18,256
on your situation with Chang.
450
00:17:18,323 --> 00:17:19,724
Apology accepted.
451
00:17:19,792 --> 00:17:21,659
Punishment is time served.
452
00:17:21,727 --> 00:17:23,428
There's no cell on earth
that can hold Chang!
453
00:17:23,495 --> 00:17:26,163
I know this place's secrets.
454
00:17:26,215 --> 00:17:29,250
Winger!
Thank God you're all right!
455
00:17:29,251 --> 00:17:31,485
I've been looking all...
Hey, Tracy. What's up, baby?
456
00:17:31,837 --> 00:17:33,387
Why are they arresting Chang?
457
00:17:33,472 --> 00:17:35,273
I thought you said Loquanda
wasn't pressing charges.
458
00:17:35,340 --> 00:17:36,474
Mm-hmm, not against Jeff,
459
00:17:36,525 --> 00:17:37,764
but I talked her
into going after Chang
460
00:17:37,765 --> 00:17:39,011
for child endangerment.
461
00:17:39,012 --> 00:17:40,913
Shirley, he could get
three to five years for that.
462
00:17:41,066 --> 00:17:42,576
Are you sure
that's what you want?
463
00:17:42,577 --> 00:17:43,944
Because if we put
our heads together,
464
00:17:43,979 --> 00:17:46,183
we could be rid of him
for 20 to life.
465
00:17:46,184 --> 00:17:47,796
- Really?
- Oh, absolutely.
466
00:17:47,798 --> 00:17:49,115
All I'd have to do is testify
467
00:17:49,116 --> 00:17:50,645
that he tried
to sell those kids to me
468
00:17:50,646 --> 00:17:52,614
and throw in the fact that
he was teaching them Spanish,
469
00:17:52,808 --> 00:17:54,542
and any d.A. Worth his salt
470
00:17:54,593 --> 00:17:56,027
can make a case
for human trafficking.
471
00:17:56,094 --> 00:17:58,546
I like how you thinking.
472
00:17:58,630 --> 00:18:00,031
What is wrong with you two?
473
00:18:00,098 --> 00:18:01,532
Why are you doing this
to Chang?
474
00:18:01,600 --> 00:18:03,301
Andre, I'm doing this for us.
475
00:18:03,368 --> 00:18:04,702
We have a second chance
for our family,
476
00:18:04,770 --> 00:18:06,170
and I just want
everything to be perfect.
477
00:18:06,221 --> 00:18:09,040
Baby, that's what you wanted
the first time around.
478
00:18:09,107 --> 00:18:11,509
You did everything in your power
to make everything perfect,
479
00:18:11,577 --> 00:18:12,484
and look what happened.
480
00:18:12,485 --> 00:18:13,752
Are you trying
to tell me you cheated
481
00:18:13,835 --> 00:18:15,703
because I wanted what was best
for our family?
482
00:18:15,747 --> 00:18:18,115
No, I cheated
because I was a coward.
483
00:18:18,183 --> 00:18:20,551
But you took me back,
because while I was gone,
484
00:18:20,619 --> 00:18:23,354
somehow you learned to accept
the bad with the good.
485
00:18:23,422 --> 00:18:25,456
Oh, that's
the Greendale effect.
486
00:18:25,524 --> 00:18:27,592
Our school motto
is "lower your standards."
487
00:18:27,659 --> 00:18:30,411
Look, look,
I know you are ashamed
488
00:18:30,496 --> 00:18:31,863
about what happened with Chang.
489
00:18:31,930 --> 00:18:33,865
Hell, I am too, all right?
490
00:18:33,932 --> 00:18:35,063
But locking that little man up
491
00:18:35,064 --> 00:18:37,282
is not gonna make our lives
any less crazy.
492
00:18:37,536 --> 00:18:40,071
It'll only make prison crazier.
493
00:18:40,138 --> 00:18:41,606
I guess you're right.
494
00:18:41,673 --> 00:18:44,372
It's impossible to keep
the chaos from your lives.
495
00:18:44,373 --> 00:18:46,074
I mean, we learned that
in that movie
496
00:18:46,212 --> 00:18:47,680
we saw
with all those dinosaurs.
497
00:18:47,946 --> 00:18:50,715
- Jurassic Park?
- No, it's complicated.
498
00:18:53,925 --> 00:18:55,029
Okay, okay, time-out.
499
00:18:55,166 --> 00:18:57,251
Okay, I'm sorry.
I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
500
00:18:57,422 --> 00:18:59,857
I'm sorry to you, you,
officer baby.
501
00:18:59,925 --> 00:19:01,225
Let's go buddy, come on!
502
00:19:01,293 --> 00:19:04,228
- No! No! No!
- Come on, you're coming with me
503
00:19:12,955 --> 00:19:14,025
Britta?
504
00:19:14,026 --> 00:19:16,394
What? You guys want me
to ruin something for you?
505
00:19:16,708 --> 00:19:18,709
Come on, you're being dramatic.
506
00:19:22,147 --> 00:19:24,282
We asked Lukka a few questions
after what you said.
507
00:19:24,349 --> 00:19:26,128
He told us
about his time in the army
508
00:19:26,129 --> 00:19:27,663
and...
509
00:19:27,853 --> 00:19:29,520
The things he did.
510
00:19:29,588 --> 00:19:31,689
I'm never gonna get some
of those images out of my head.
511
00:19:31,757 --> 00:19:32,526
If I ever go to the Balkans,
512
00:19:32,527 --> 00:19:34,695
I'm bringing some serious
cheat codes and walk-throughs.
513
00:19:34,745 --> 00:19:36,313
Why didn't you tell us sooner?
514
00:19:36,314 --> 00:19:37,514
Because I didn't want
to be the one
515
00:19:37,783 --> 00:19:39,317
to ruin another guy
for you guys.
516
00:19:39,665 --> 00:19:41,607
Britta, there's a difference
between telling us
517
00:19:41,608 --> 00:19:42,843
a guy likes nipple play
518
00:19:42,844 --> 00:19:46,213
and telling us a guy
makes hats out of babies.
519
00:19:46,471 --> 00:19:47,484
I guess the reason
this happened
520
00:19:47,485 --> 00:19:50,454
is because we've been riding you
kind of hard lately.
521
00:19:50,876 --> 00:19:53,544
How about from now on,
we promise to go easier on you,
522
00:19:53,612 --> 00:19:55,012
if you promise not to tell us
523
00:19:55,080 --> 00:19:56,715
any details
about the guys you're dating,
524
00:19:56,716 --> 00:19:58,217
unless they've committed genocide.
525
00:19:58,584 --> 00:19:59,388
Or if they're left-handed.
526
00:19:59,389 --> 00:20:01,457
I want to know about that.
I'm making a chart.
527
00:20:01,958 --> 00:20:03,275
Deal.
528
00:20:06,375 --> 00:20:08,326
I guess I ruined game night.
529
00:20:08,393 --> 00:20:09,760
I tend to ruin stuff.
530
00:20:09,828 --> 00:20:11,362
- Come on.
- You do not.
531
00:20:11,430 --> 00:20:12,508
You want to watch
catfish with us?
532
00:20:12,509 --> 00:20:14,837
Was that the movie where the
guy flirts with the girl online,
533
00:20:14,838 --> 00:20:18,741
but then it turns out
that it's a fat, old woman?
534
00:20:19,271 --> 00:20:21,138
Oh. Sorry.
535
00:20:21,206 --> 00:20:22,773
It's cool.
536
00:20:22,841 --> 00:20:25,443
Maybe it's about catfish.
537
00:21:02,438 --> 00:21:04,806
Well, this was fun.