1 00:00:03,217 --> 00:00:05,154 It was my friend Abed's birthday. 2 00:00:05,168 --> 00:00:06,736 I had met Abed at community college 3 00:00:06,737 --> 00:00:08,193 almost two years earlier. 4 00:00:08,194 --> 00:00:09,657 His obsession with pop culture 5 00:00:09,658 --> 00:00:11,358 had always alienated him. 6 00:00:11,359 --> 00:00:14,004 He'd quote movies, pretend his life was a TV show. 7 00:00:14,005 --> 00:00:15,310 He watched Cougar Town. 8 00:00:15,311 --> 00:00:17,747 It was as if he didn't want people to like him. 9 00:00:18,067 --> 00:00:20,182 Then this year, around Christmas, 10 00:00:20,183 --> 00:00:21,438 he had some kind of... 11 00:00:21,439 --> 00:00:23,728 I don't know... mental episode, 12 00:00:23,729 --> 00:00:26,171 saying people were made of clay... stuff like that. 13 00:00:26,538 --> 00:00:28,795 He'd seemed okay since, but when I asked him 14 00:00:28,796 --> 00:00:30,575 if he'd like to do anything for his birthday, 15 00:00:30,576 --> 00:00:32,891 he told me we should have dinner, just he and I, 16 00:00:32,892 --> 00:00:35,368 for an important conversation. 17 00:00:35,369 --> 00:00:36,902 It made me nervous. 18 00:00:37,548 --> 00:00:40,111 The restaurant Abed had chosen wasn't his style at all. 19 00:00:40,112 --> 00:00:42,448 There were cloth napkins, no TVs. 20 00:00:42,531 --> 00:00:44,635 Abed liked chicken fingers, video games, 21 00:00:44,636 --> 00:00:46,162 Quentin Tarantino. 22 00:00:48,139 --> 00:00:49,858 Babysitting him through a full meal 23 00:00:49,859 --> 00:00:51,532 at a restaurant for grown-ups... 24 00:00:52,094 --> 00:00:53,989 I just wasn't up for it. 25 00:00:54,525 --> 00:00:56,985 But I loved Abed. Everyone did. 26 00:00:57,179 --> 00:00:59,656 So I had come there with a surprise plan of my own. 27 00:00:59,657 --> 00:01:01,996 Hey, uh, could I get a MacAllan, neat? 28 00:01:04,371 --> 00:01:05,602 Jeffrey! 29 00:01:07,983 --> 00:01:09,155 Buddy. 30 00:01:13,111 --> 00:01:14,433 I like your sweater. 31 00:01:14,496 --> 00:01:16,349 Did it come with a Golden Retriever? 32 00:01:17,059 --> 00:01:18,534 You look good too. 33 00:01:20,964 --> 00:01:23,625 I would like a, uh... spritzer. 34 00:01:23,626 --> 00:01:25,397 Abed was being weird. 35 00:01:25,398 --> 00:01:28,793 And by that, I mean he wasn't being weird. 36 00:01:28,938 --> 00:01:32,015 He was hugging, smiling, making eye contact, 37 00:01:32,016 --> 00:01:35,257 and in 30 seconds, he hadn't made a reference to anything. 38 00:01:35,689 --> 00:01:37,551 I had come in worried about him, 39 00:01:37,552 --> 00:01:39,235 thinking he needed help. 40 00:01:39,236 --> 00:01:42,255 But seeing him like this made me more worried than ever. 41 00:01:42,289 --> 00:01:45,331 Get it? Like Pulp Fiction. 42 00:01:46,160 --> 00:01:47,793 It's a wallet that says "Bad mother..." 43 00:01:47,794 --> 00:01:49,473 - Your table's ready, gentlemen. - Thank you. 44 00:01:49,474 --> 00:01:51,402 Actually, uh, I had an idea. 45 00:01:51,640 --> 00:01:53,875 I saw a very cool burger place just a few... 46 00:01:53,876 --> 00:01:56,653 Nonsense. I didn't come downtown for burgers. 47 00:01:56,654 --> 00:01:58,008 Come, come. 48 00:01:59,193 --> 00:02:01,100 Uh, I-I'll be right there. 49 00:02:07,584 --> 00:02:09,416 Hey, uh, we're running a little bit late... 50 00:02:09,417 --> 00:02:11,658 No big deal, just a small speed bump. 51 00:02:11,849 --> 00:02:13,691 Well, hurry up. We're waiting. 52 00:02:14,746 --> 00:02:16,591 Surprise! 53 00:02:16,592 --> 00:02:19,856 Guys, no! They're running late. 54 00:02:21,036 --> 00:02:23,401 Jeff says there's some kind of speed bump. 55 00:02:24,651 --> 00:02:26,334 Pierce, nobody can hear you. 56 00:02:27,046 --> 00:02:29,618 Well, I'm hot, and my balls are touching the zipper! 57 00:02:29,860 --> 00:02:34,360 Community 2x19 - Critical Film Studies 58 00:02:34,361 --> 00:02:38,861 Sync by vNaru - Corrected by Addic7ed.com www.addic7ed.com 59 00:03:00,525 --> 00:03:02,540 Can you imagine the expression on Abed's face 60 00:03:02,541 --> 00:03:03,769 when he walks in? 61 00:03:03,770 --> 00:03:06,438 Of course we can imagine it. It's always the same. 62 00:03:06,439 --> 00:03:08,056 Yeah, but he's gonna say "cool" 63 00:03:08,057 --> 00:03:09,827 at least five times. 64 00:03:10,146 --> 00:03:12,365 It's really great of Jeff to put this together. 65 00:03:12,366 --> 00:03:13,558 I'm not jealous. 66 00:03:13,559 --> 00:03:14,839 - Hmm? - Hmm? 67 00:03:15,789 --> 00:03:18,298 Oh, cool, someone got him a briefcase, 68 00:03:18,299 --> 00:03:20,485 like in the movie. What's in it? 69 00:03:20,486 --> 00:03:21,929 Hey, don't touch that! 70 00:03:21,930 --> 00:03:23,024 It's from Jeff, and he says 71 00:03:23,025 --> 00:03:24,980 nobody but Abed can open it. 72 00:03:24,981 --> 00:03:27,459 Why? What's in it? 73 00:03:28,505 --> 00:03:31,049 What, I have 3D vision now? 74 00:03:31,878 --> 00:03:34,807 - Yes, you do. - You don't know me! 75 00:03:34,808 --> 00:03:38,065 Everybody just be patient and don't mess with anything. 76 00:03:38,066 --> 00:03:41,165 I am responsible for this diner when my boss isn't around. 77 00:03:41,166 --> 00:03:43,348 She will not stop bragging about that. 78 00:03:43,349 --> 00:03:44,393 I know. 79 00:03:44,394 --> 00:03:46,470 Has anyone seen this movie we're referencing? 80 00:03:46,471 --> 00:03:48,065 Am I the hero or the love interest? 81 00:03:48,066 --> 00:03:49,887 Pulp Fiction? Yeah, I saw it on an airplane. 82 00:03:49,888 --> 00:03:51,517 It's cute. It's a 30-minute film 83 00:03:51,518 --> 00:03:53,022 about a group of friends who like cheeseburgers, 84 00:03:53,023 --> 00:03:54,658 dancing, and the Bible. 85 00:03:57,740 --> 00:03:59,550 - Jeff's not better than me. - Hmm? 86 00:03:59,551 --> 00:04:01,229 I said, "hmm." 87 00:04:03,198 --> 00:04:05,191 Boy, is this menu stuffy. 88 00:04:05,192 --> 00:04:07,723 I don't know about you, but I'd rather have a nice... 89 00:04:07,724 --> 00:04:10,382 Rillettes de saumon, to start, I think, 90 00:04:10,383 --> 00:04:12,371 and, ooh, squab. 91 00:04:12,372 --> 00:04:14,551 - Very good. - They don't have quail. 92 00:04:14,552 --> 00:04:16,165 Good to know. Salad. 93 00:04:16,166 --> 00:04:18,440 - Excellent choice. - Yeah, I nailed it. 94 00:04:18,441 --> 00:04:21,200 Um, you forgot this in the bar. 95 00:04:21,201 --> 00:04:23,416 Ah, so I did. I'm sorry. 96 00:04:23,417 --> 00:04:25,273 What a thoughtful gift, Jeff. 97 00:04:25,825 --> 00:04:27,939 I really was a man of singular taste. 98 00:04:27,940 --> 00:04:29,856 Was? Abed, what's going on? 99 00:04:29,857 --> 00:04:31,125 Why are you dressed like Mr. Rogers 100 00:04:31,126 --> 00:04:33,115 and talking like Frasier? What happened to you? 101 00:04:33,116 --> 00:04:34,414 Oh, where to begin. 102 00:04:34,415 --> 00:04:36,343 I probably mentioned in the past my fondness 103 00:04:36,344 --> 00:04:38,043 for a TV program called Cougar Town. 104 00:04:38,044 --> 00:04:39,110 Here and there. 105 00:04:39,111 --> 00:04:40,468 I even started a Cougar Town fan club 106 00:04:40,469 --> 00:04:41,532 on Facebook. 107 00:04:41,533 --> 00:04:43,415 Not to accomplish anything, mind you. 108 00:04:43,416 --> 00:04:45,627 Simply to express my love for the show. 109 00:04:45,705 --> 00:04:48,139 Well, it ended up being quite large, this fan club, 110 00:04:48,140 --> 00:04:49,709 and, uh, one morning, 111 00:04:49,710 --> 00:04:51,786 I think it was maybe early March, 112 00:04:51,787 --> 00:04:53,069 I got this Facebook message... 113 00:04:53,070 --> 00:04:56,042 A very nice message from the people who make Cougar Town. 114 00:04:56,043 --> 00:04:58,750 - Looking for work? - No, thanking me, Jeff... 115 00:04:58,751 --> 00:05:00,684 you know, for all the support I generated for the show. 116 00:05:00,685 --> 00:05:02,265 And in the last paragraph, they said, 117 00:05:02,266 --> 00:05:04,874 "If you'd like, you could come visit the set," 118 00:05:04,910 --> 00:05:06,375 just like that. 119 00:05:06,507 --> 00:05:08,189 - Well, that's cool of them. - Mm-hmm. 120 00:05:08,190 --> 00:05:09,270 I guess that kind of makes them 121 00:05:09,271 --> 00:05:12,179 the Pulp Fictions of people. 122 00:05:12,424 --> 00:05:13,889 Man, how great was that movie. 123 00:05:13,890 --> 00:05:15,612 Yeah. So I sold a few of my action figures, 124 00:05:15,613 --> 00:05:17,247 and I bought a round-trip ticket to Los Angeles. 125 00:05:17,248 --> 00:05:19,772 - Wait, you went? When? - Over spring break. 126 00:05:19,773 --> 00:05:21,983 What could I do? Two days after I got that invitation, 127 00:05:21,984 --> 00:05:24,199 I was on the set of Cougar Town, Jeff. 128 00:05:24,397 --> 00:05:25,444 Cougar Town. 129 00:05:25,445 --> 00:05:26,811 Look, if you want me to take it seriously, 130 00:05:26,812 --> 00:05:28,158 stop saying its name. 131 00:05:28,159 --> 00:05:29,239 You laugh, Jeff, 132 00:05:29,240 --> 00:05:31,421 but the people were wonderful, 133 00:05:31,645 --> 00:05:32,848 you know, not just the actors, 134 00:05:32,849 --> 00:05:34,191 but the crew, everyone. 135 00:05:34,192 --> 00:05:35,837 There must have been 200 people, 136 00:05:35,838 --> 00:05:37,765 each with a specific function, 137 00:05:37,766 --> 00:05:39,720 but all dedicated to a single purpose. 138 00:05:39,721 --> 00:05:41,771 It was like a village or like a living thing. 139 00:05:41,772 --> 00:05:43,906 And, you know, I'm talking to the director, 140 00:05:43,907 --> 00:05:46,061 and he says, "Why don't you jump into the background?" 141 00:05:46,318 --> 00:05:47,851 I say, "Nah, wait a minute. 142 00:05:47,852 --> 00:05:49,369 Jump into the background of what exactly?" 143 00:05:49,370 --> 00:05:51,352 And he says, "Jump into the background of this scene. 144 00:05:51,429 --> 00:05:54,371 Walk through it. Walk through Cougar Town." 145 00:05:56,464 --> 00:05:57,460 Thank you. 146 00:05:57,461 --> 00:05:59,410 Well, before I can react, this girl takes me by the hand, 147 00:05:59,411 --> 00:06:00,953 and she stands me behind this patio 148 00:06:00,954 --> 00:06:03,456 where Courtney Cox and the actors are doing their scene. 149 00:06:03,457 --> 00:06:05,055 And the girl says, "Now, when you hear 'action,' 150 00:06:05,056 --> 00:06:07,307 I want you to walk from here to there," right? 151 00:06:07,308 --> 00:06:08,993 That's when I really started to panic, Jeff, 152 00:06:08,994 --> 00:06:12,217 because if I'm a person that watches Cougar Town, 153 00:06:12,221 --> 00:06:14,123 how can I be in Cougar Town? 154 00:06:14,859 --> 00:06:16,823 You know, and the more I start thinking about it, 155 00:06:16,824 --> 00:06:19,151 the less any of it makes any sense at all. 156 00:06:19,152 --> 00:06:20,903 And I just want to turn and run, but it's too late, 157 00:06:20,904 --> 00:06:22,526 because the director's calling "action." 158 00:06:22,527 --> 00:06:24,458 So before I take my first step, 159 00:06:24,459 --> 00:06:27,052 I realize that I have to stop being someone 160 00:06:27,053 --> 00:06:28,913 who's ever seen the show 161 00:06:28,914 --> 00:06:31,350 and become a character on the show. 162 00:06:31,351 --> 00:06:33,901 Become a man from Cougar Town... 163 00:06:34,412 --> 00:06:35,457 You know, someone born there, 164 00:06:35,458 --> 00:06:37,860 someone whose name, I decide, is Chad. 165 00:06:38,146 --> 00:06:40,191 And I take my first step, as a child might, 166 00:06:40,192 --> 00:06:41,800 learning to walk as Chad. 167 00:06:41,801 --> 00:06:43,573 And with each step, it becomes easier. 168 00:06:43,574 --> 00:06:45,447 And with each step, I start remembering things 169 00:06:45,448 --> 00:06:48,278 from Chad's life, like his first kiss 170 00:06:48,279 --> 00:06:50,374 under the big tree at Cougar Town field... 171 00:06:50,375 --> 00:06:52,653 Playing soccer at Cougar Town Junior High... 172 00:06:53,319 --> 00:06:55,479 Finding my first chest hair in the shower, 173 00:06:55,480 --> 00:06:57,050 my first apartment, 174 00:06:57,051 --> 00:06:59,499 my first true love falling for my best friend, 175 00:07:00,281 --> 00:07:03,699 birthdays, weddings, car crashes, taxes, 176 00:07:03,825 --> 00:07:06,047 playing charades at Thanksgiving. 177 00:07:07,779 --> 00:07:09,980 Chad had lived, Jeff. 178 00:07:10,958 --> 00:07:12,895 You know, Chad had lived more than Abed. 179 00:07:16,788 --> 00:07:20,966 And then they called "cut," and the scene was over. 180 00:07:20,967 --> 00:07:23,373 But I wasn't ready to stop being Chad, 181 00:07:23,374 --> 00:07:25,834 so I said to the director, "Can we have one more take?" 182 00:07:25,835 --> 00:07:28,175 But they were already moving on. 183 00:07:30,596 --> 00:07:32,615 Courtney had nailed it. 184 00:07:33,596 --> 00:07:35,269 My lips started trembling, 185 00:07:35,270 --> 00:07:37,812 and my... my hands and my feet went numb. 186 00:07:37,813 --> 00:07:39,373 My... my knees buckled, 187 00:07:39,374 --> 00:07:41,689 and as I fell to the floor... 188 00:07:44,512 --> 00:07:46,459 I pooped my pants. 189 00:07:48,650 --> 00:07:50,095 I did... 190 00:07:50,510 --> 00:07:52,143 Because the truth is, Jeff, I had been Chad, 191 00:07:52,144 --> 00:07:53,778 and Chad was dead. 192 00:07:54,784 --> 00:07:58,435 But as Abed, I was still alive, so someone helped me up. 193 00:07:58,587 --> 00:08:01,108 And the wardrobe lady came over. She gave me new pants. 194 00:08:01,109 --> 00:08:03,251 I thanked everyone, I apologized, 195 00:08:03,334 --> 00:08:06,221 and then I just got on a bus and went straight to the airport. 196 00:08:09,528 --> 00:08:13,446 Um, your food's getting cold. 197 00:08:13,447 --> 00:08:15,739 Oh, how silly of me. 198 00:08:29,117 --> 00:08:30,857 Wondering if Abed's new best friend 199 00:08:30,858 --> 00:08:33,788 also got him the best gift? 200 00:08:34,069 --> 00:08:35,920 I got Abed the best gift. 201 00:08:36,556 --> 00:08:40,636 I'd tell you what it is, but it's an even cooler secret. 202 00:08:42,614 --> 00:08:45,158 Britta, you promised that this private party 203 00:08:45,159 --> 00:08:46,442 would be done by 8:00. 204 00:08:46,443 --> 00:08:48,071 You're doing this during the peak business hours 205 00:08:48,072 --> 00:08:49,555 for nostalgic-themed diners. 206 00:08:49,556 --> 00:08:51,478 Oh, is that true? Has that been researched? 207 00:08:51,479 --> 00:08:52,562 It has, Annie. 208 00:08:52,563 --> 00:08:54,007 After they get frightened by the evening news, 209 00:08:54,008 --> 00:08:55,916 many seek the comforting foods and soothing music 210 00:08:55,917 --> 00:08:57,406 of a pre-racial America. 211 00:08:57,407 --> 00:08:59,165 Im sorry Brian, its just a litte late. 212 00:08:59,699 --> 00:09:02,499 I'll give you all of my tips from my next shift. 213 00:09:02,806 --> 00:09:04,242 Oh, your tips. 214 00:09:05,432 --> 00:09:08,694 All your tips? Wait, wait, all of them? 215 00:09:08,695 --> 00:09:12,591 Like, all the tips the customers leave for you? 216 00:09:12,592 --> 00:09:14,663 Wow, is there any way we can go ahead and spread that out 217 00:09:14,664 --> 00:09:17,356 over two years so I don't get slammed on my taxes? 218 00:09:18,646 --> 00:09:19,865 Oh, my goodness. 219 00:09:19,866 --> 00:09:21,032 I know. 220 00:09:21,325 --> 00:09:23,640 - Everyone hates Britta. - Mm. 221 00:09:29,493 --> 00:09:31,597 Of course, you know the real point of that story. 222 00:09:31,598 --> 00:09:33,560 I don't, but that's okay. Chew. 223 00:09:34,438 --> 00:09:36,131 The point is, I'd been a fool. 224 00:09:36,132 --> 00:09:37,908 Nah, everybody poops their pants. 225 00:09:37,909 --> 00:09:39,580 No, no, no, I was a fool long before that. 226 00:09:39,581 --> 00:09:41,645 You know, I look back at my life and I think, "Who was that? 227 00:09:41,646 --> 00:09:43,913 Why did he care so much about so many things that didn't matter?" 228 00:09:43,914 --> 00:09:45,184 Yeah, who needs Cougar Town? 229 00:09:45,185 --> 00:09:46,547 Who needs any pop culture whatsoever? 230 00:09:46,548 --> 00:09:48,313 TV, movies... to hell with all of it. 231 00:09:48,861 --> 00:09:51,766 You know what I was, Jeff? I was that wallet. 232 00:09:51,770 --> 00:09:53,963 On the surface, a reference to some cinematic drivel, 233 00:09:53,964 --> 00:09:56,333 but on the inside... empty. 234 00:09:56,334 --> 00:10:00,084 - But you love Tarantino. - No, no, not anymore. 235 00:10:00,085 --> 00:10:02,063 That's why I wanted to have this dinner with you. 236 00:10:02,139 --> 00:10:04,431 This is the first birthday of my new life. 237 00:10:04,432 --> 00:10:05,477 You know, the wallet's cute, Jeff, 238 00:10:05,478 --> 00:10:07,536 but I'd like to exchange it for a better gift. 239 00:10:07,537 --> 00:10:09,072 I'm not leaving here until you've given me 240 00:10:09,073 --> 00:10:11,113 my first real conversation. 241 00:10:13,050 --> 00:10:14,856 Yay. 242 00:10:20,002 --> 00:10:22,377 Okay, you want to have a real conversation? 243 00:10:22,378 --> 00:10:25,603 Here's as real as I get under the circumstances. 244 00:10:25,604 --> 00:10:28,865 It's nice that you've learned to dial back your love of TV. 245 00:10:28,866 --> 00:10:31,381 But I'd really like you to come have a milkshake with me. 246 00:10:31,382 --> 00:10:33,397 But before you do, I'd like you to remember 247 00:10:33,398 --> 00:10:35,808 how much you enjoy Pulp Fiction. 248 00:10:36,321 --> 00:10:38,558 Now, that's as far as I can go without defeating the purpose. 249 00:10:38,559 --> 00:10:40,767 I'm really tilting the bean can here. 250 00:10:40,768 --> 00:10:42,899 Pulp Fiction, milkshakes, bean cans? 251 00:10:42,900 --> 00:10:44,224 Listen to how we talk to each other. 252 00:10:44,225 --> 00:10:47,382 We're like robots exchanging catchphrases and references. 253 00:10:47,383 --> 00:10:48,978 And you think pointing that out counts 254 00:10:48,979 --> 00:10:50,410 as a real conversation? 255 00:10:50,411 --> 00:10:52,010 You know how many fake people are talking 256 00:10:52,011 --> 00:10:53,796 about how fake the world is right now? 257 00:10:53,797 --> 00:10:54,971 Okay, well, I'm new at this, 258 00:10:54,972 --> 00:10:56,507 so can you start our real conversation? 259 00:10:56,508 --> 00:10:58,021 I don't believe there's such a thing. 260 00:10:58,022 --> 00:11:01,439 Conversation was invented by humans to conceal reality. 261 00:11:01,440 --> 00:11:04,998 We use it to sweet-talk our way around natural selection. 262 00:11:04,999 --> 00:11:07,456 You know who has real conversations? Ants. 263 00:11:07,457 --> 00:11:10,376 They talk by vomiting chemicals into each other's mouths. 264 00:11:10,377 --> 00:11:12,092 They get right down to brass tacks. 265 00:11:12,093 --> 00:11:13,896 Blehh! "Which way's the picnic?" 266 00:11:13,897 --> 00:11:15,592 Blehh! "That way." 267 00:11:15,911 --> 00:11:17,918 Humans are more evolved. We lie. 268 00:11:17,919 --> 00:11:19,393 - Not all the time. - That's a lie. 269 00:11:19,394 --> 00:11:21,929 - We don't lie when we're alone. - Biggest lie ever. 270 00:11:21,930 --> 00:11:24,199 Nine out of ten lies occur six inches away 271 00:11:24,200 --> 00:11:25,345 from the bathroom mirror. 272 00:11:25,346 --> 00:11:27,148 We do most of our lying alone. 273 00:11:27,149 --> 00:11:28,865 How's it even possible to lie when you're alone? 274 00:11:28,866 --> 00:11:30,490 You can call a phone-sex line. 275 00:11:30,491 --> 00:11:32,708 - That's lying to yourself. - No, that's just being honest 276 00:11:32,709 --> 00:11:34,046 with a stranger about being lonely. 277 00:11:34,047 --> 00:11:36,071 What if you're dishonest about why you're lonely? 278 00:11:36,072 --> 00:11:38,465 What if you're a good-looking guy who calls a phone-sex line 279 00:11:38,466 --> 00:11:40,730 and tells them he weighs 400 pounds, 280 00:11:40,731 --> 00:11:43,858 just so he can hear a woman say she's attracted to him anyway? 281 00:11:43,859 --> 00:11:46,523 - I don't believe that happens. - Wrong. That's me. 282 00:11:46,524 --> 00:11:48,477 I did that last week. 283 00:11:48,478 --> 00:11:50,112 Why would you pay a woman on the phone 284 00:11:50,113 --> 00:11:51,138 to think you're fat? 285 00:11:51,139 --> 00:11:53,342 Because I'm scared that if I were overweight 286 00:11:53,343 --> 00:11:55,069 that no one would like me. 287 00:11:56,718 --> 00:11:58,856 God, that feels good to admit. 288 00:12:00,582 --> 00:12:02,365 Abed, the point being... 289 00:12:04,415 --> 00:12:05,552 The point being, 290 00:12:05,553 --> 00:12:08,068 you don't have to worry about being normal 291 00:12:08,069 --> 00:12:11,127 or... or real or whatever this is tonight. 292 00:12:11,214 --> 00:12:15,263 The world is a sick place full of sick, sick people. 293 00:12:19,694 --> 00:12:22,059 Can I tell you something I've never told anyone else? 294 00:12:23,558 --> 00:12:24,764 Yes. 295 00:12:27,020 --> 00:12:29,980 It's got to be so cool, whatever he got him. 296 00:12:30,247 --> 00:12:32,754 You know what I'm saying. Winger's a man of means. 297 00:12:32,999 --> 00:12:36,087 He's with your boy right now having a fancy dinner. 298 00:12:36,398 --> 00:12:41,128 Baby chickens, diamond forks, brand-name sodas. 299 00:12:41,255 --> 00:12:43,835 Then he's gonna bring him back here, 300 00:12:43,998 --> 00:12:46,426 give him whatever's in there, and that's that. 301 00:12:46,796 --> 00:12:48,530 Troy who? 302 00:13:00,598 --> 00:13:02,150 Is that what I think it is? 303 00:13:02,228 --> 00:13:03,679 It is. 304 00:13:03,897 --> 00:13:05,729 Certificate of authenticity... 305 00:13:05,730 --> 00:13:07,878 He must have got it on eBay or something. 306 00:13:08,189 --> 00:13:10,175 Jeff got Abed the actual briefcase 307 00:13:10,176 --> 00:13:11,961 from the movie Pulp Fiction! 308 00:13:12,313 --> 00:13:13,990 What are you guys doing? 309 00:13:14,002 --> 00:13:15,285 Chang made me open it! 310 00:13:15,286 --> 00:13:17,293 He seduced me with his dark Chinese powers. 311 00:13:17,294 --> 00:13:18,792 Why do you leave him alone with me? 312 00:13:18,793 --> 00:13:20,717 Guys, I am putting my job on the line 313 00:13:20,718 --> 00:13:22,006 for this stupid party, 314 00:13:22,007 --> 00:13:24,210 and the least you can do is not ruin it. 315 00:13:26,922 --> 00:13:28,298 No! No! 316 00:13:35,450 --> 00:13:37,868 Dude, I know I'm preaching to the choir, 317 00:13:37,869 --> 00:13:41,546 but you are a bad friend. 318 00:13:41,547 --> 00:13:43,152 I'll kill you! 319 00:13:53,920 --> 00:13:56,942 And I said, "No, that's a girl's costume." 320 00:13:56,943 --> 00:13:58,292 And my mom said, "It's fine. 321 00:13:58,293 --> 00:14:00,621 Indian boys have long hair and braids too." 322 00:14:00,622 --> 00:14:02,736 There was only 45 minutes left to trick-or-treat, 323 00:14:02,737 --> 00:14:04,441 so what could I do? 324 00:14:05,861 --> 00:14:09,272 I put the damn thing on, and I went door-to-door. 325 00:14:09,521 --> 00:14:12,818 And everyone was going, "Oh, what a pretty little girl." 326 00:14:14,072 --> 00:14:15,579 And by the third house... 327 00:14:16,207 --> 00:14:17,921 I stopped correcting them. 328 00:14:18,902 --> 00:14:21,190 I mean, why draw attention to it? 329 00:14:23,086 --> 00:14:24,273 And, honestly, 330 00:14:24,274 --> 00:14:26,613 once the shame and the fear wore off... 331 00:14:28,613 --> 00:14:31,323 I was just glad they thought I was pretty. 332 00:14:34,964 --> 00:14:37,284 God, this is incredible... 333 00:14:37,948 --> 00:14:41,172 I mean, to be able to talk this openly. 334 00:14:41,725 --> 00:14:43,738 I mean, why can't people be like this? 335 00:14:43,739 --> 00:14:45,603 I mean, what's wrong with this world? 336 00:14:52,620 --> 00:14:53,700 What do you want? 337 00:14:53,701 --> 00:14:55,726 So this is what you're doing while we wait. 338 00:14:55,727 --> 00:14:58,431 Just go home, Pierce. The party's canceled. 339 00:14:58,432 --> 00:15:01,346 Pretty gay, man. Pretty gay. 340 00:15:04,250 --> 00:15:06,676 Why is Pierce dressed as the gimp from Pulp Fiction? 341 00:15:06,787 --> 00:15:07,942 Oh. 342 00:15:07,943 --> 00:15:10,934 The wallet, milkshakes... 343 00:15:10,999 --> 00:15:12,875 Did you set up a surprise Pulp Fiction birthday party? 344 00:15:12,876 --> 00:15:15,327 Yeah, at the greasy fork, but that doesn't matter now. 345 00:15:15,463 --> 00:15:18,593 What matters is this... talking. 346 00:15:18,901 --> 00:15:20,560 It everything okay? 347 00:15:20,561 --> 00:15:22,304 Uh, yes. Just the check, please. 348 00:15:22,305 --> 00:15:25,575 Oh, I'm sorry. So you're ending early? 349 00:15:25,576 --> 00:15:27,001 Because in my dinner with Andre, 350 00:15:27,002 --> 00:15:30,338 - the waiter brings... - Check, check, check. Bye. 351 00:15:33,380 --> 00:15:35,632 - Abed? - Mm-hmm? 352 00:15:35,804 --> 00:15:37,987 What's my dinner with Andre? 353 00:15:38,206 --> 00:15:41,160 It's just a movie about, uh, two guys 354 00:15:41,161 --> 00:15:43,171 talking at a restaurant. 355 00:15:44,861 --> 00:15:46,698 So this wasn't... 356 00:15:46,701 --> 00:15:49,182 A real conversation? 357 00:15:49,183 --> 00:15:50,612 You were doing another movie? 358 00:15:50,613 --> 00:15:51,960 A movie about a real conversation. 359 00:15:51,961 --> 00:15:54,310 Did you poop your pants on the set of Cougar Town? 360 00:15:55,135 --> 00:15:56,598 That shouldn't matter. 361 00:15:56,951 --> 00:15:58,874 This is why we don't hang out! 362 00:15:59,803 --> 00:16:01,813 Well, thanks for getting me fired, jerks. 363 00:16:01,814 --> 00:16:03,822 - The party's over. - Cool. Cool. Cool, cool, cool. 364 00:16:03,823 --> 00:16:04,979 Yeah, it is. 365 00:16:04,980 --> 00:16:08,970 Do you guys know where Abed's really cool present is? 366 00:16:09,038 --> 00:16:10,258 Because I'm returning it. 367 00:16:10,259 --> 00:16:12,990 Um, it's back at the diner. It's fine. 368 00:16:12,991 --> 00:16:14,836 It probably just needs some detailing. 369 00:16:18,674 --> 00:16:22,047 Man, I really wish you two got along better. 370 00:16:23,169 --> 00:16:25,245 Ooh, no-no juice. 371 00:16:27,230 --> 00:16:29,247 Ah, that's good no-no juice. 372 00:16:32,217 --> 00:16:33,362 I'll give you 1200$ 373 00:16:33,363 --> 00:16:34,129 for the damages, 374 00:16:34,159 --> 00:16:36,526 if you promise to give Britta her job back. 375 00:16:37,258 --> 00:16:38,923 $800, and she stays fired. 376 00:16:38,924 --> 00:16:40,137 Deal. 377 00:16:49,512 --> 00:16:51,063 Annie told me about the briefcase. 378 00:16:51,792 --> 00:16:53,889 - Thank you. - What a waste. 379 00:16:54,213 --> 00:16:55,446 Not really. 380 00:16:56,711 --> 00:16:57,253 Did you buy it 381 00:16:57,254 --> 00:16:59,718 from Willy's 100% Authentic Cinema Treasures on eBay? 382 00:16:59,719 --> 00:17:02,027 - Yep. - Yeah, Willy exaggerates. 383 00:17:02,313 --> 00:17:04,677 I got Indiana Jones' real whip from him. 384 00:17:04,678 --> 00:17:06,151 He moves about 70 of those a year. 385 00:17:06,152 --> 00:17:07,438 Oh, good. I thought I flushed 386 00:17:07,439 --> 00:17:08,648 a bunch of money down the toilet. 387 00:17:08,649 --> 00:17:10,683 But it's great to know that the real Pulp Fiction briefcase 388 00:17:10,684 --> 00:17:12,096 is safe somewhere. 389 00:17:12,276 --> 00:17:13,799 You're mad at me. 390 00:17:14,247 --> 00:17:15,906 I spent a week planning a party 391 00:17:15,907 --> 00:17:17,213 just to make you happy. 392 00:17:17,214 --> 00:17:18,957 And then I bailed on the party and ruined it, 393 00:17:18,958 --> 00:17:20,284 again, just to make you happy. 394 00:17:20,285 --> 00:17:22,184 Then it turns out, while I was wasting my time 395 00:17:22,185 --> 00:17:23,495 trying to make you happy, 396 00:17:23,496 --> 00:17:27,102 you were making yourself happy all over everyone else 397 00:17:27,103 --> 00:17:30,169 by doing yet another stupid movie spoof. 398 00:17:30,170 --> 00:17:31,704 I prefer the term "homage." 399 00:17:33,714 --> 00:17:35,298 It wasn't about making me happy. 400 00:17:36,125 --> 00:17:38,210 I chose my dinner with Andre, because it's about a guy 401 00:17:38,211 --> 00:17:39,708 who has an unexpectedly enjoyable evening 402 00:17:39,709 --> 00:17:42,164 with a weird friend he's been avoiding lately. 403 00:17:44,095 --> 00:17:46,006 You think I've been avoiding you? 404 00:17:46,544 --> 00:17:48,256 You and I hung out more last year. 405 00:17:49,099 --> 00:17:50,461 It makes sense. 406 00:17:50,673 --> 00:17:52,373 Everyone else is growing and changing all the time, 407 00:17:52,374 --> 00:17:54,093 and that's not really my jam. 408 00:17:54,939 --> 00:17:56,904 I'm more of a fast-blinking, stoic, removed, 409 00:17:56,905 --> 00:17:58,775 uncomfortably self-aware type... 410 00:17:58,938 --> 00:18:00,202 Like Data... 411 00:18:00,403 --> 00:18:02,731 Or Johnny-5 or Mork 412 00:18:02,732 --> 00:18:04,907 or Hal or K.I.T.T. or K-9... 413 00:18:04,908 --> 00:18:06,349 Or Woodstock and/or Snoopy. 414 00:18:06,350 --> 00:18:07,820 Of course, Spock probably goes without saying... 415 00:18:07,821 --> 00:18:10,718 Abed, I don't need you to grow or change. 416 00:18:11,439 --> 00:18:14,377 And take it from someone who just had a meaningless one, 417 00:18:14,378 --> 00:18:16,899 sometimes emotional breakthroughs are overrated. 418 00:18:17,371 --> 00:18:20,435 And, seriously, I need you to keep 419 00:18:20,436 --> 00:18:23,638 a tight, heavy lid on the "Little Indian Girl" story. 420 00:18:23,639 --> 00:18:25,925 - Sure. - Tight, heavy lid. 421 00:18:25,926 --> 00:18:27,539 Cool. T.H.L. 422 00:18:30,405 --> 00:18:31,801 Still friends? 423 00:18:35,701 --> 00:18:37,860 Because nobody paid for dinner at the restaurant, 424 00:18:37,925 --> 00:18:39,856 and I do not have this kind of money. 425 00:18:45,886 --> 00:18:47,716 I went back to pay the bill. 426 00:18:47,796 --> 00:18:49,601 The restaurant was closed. 427 00:18:54,305 --> 00:18:56,913 Surprise! 428 00:18:57,902 --> 00:19:00,076 - Surprise. - It was Abed's idea. 429 00:19:01,698 --> 00:19:04,439 The group had stayed behind to salvage the party. 430 00:19:07,161 --> 00:19:09,315 The waiter had felt bad for spilling the beans 431 00:19:09,316 --> 00:19:12,334 about Abed's homage, so he let us stay. 432 00:19:19,524 --> 00:19:22,687 As parties go, it was quiet, dark, 433 00:19:22,688 --> 00:19:24,294 and a little lame. 434 00:19:28,530 --> 00:19:31,902 We'd had better parties, and we'd had worse parties. 435 00:19:43,871 --> 00:19:45,488 But I doubt I'll ever forget 436 00:19:45,489 --> 00:19:48,265 my dinner with Andre dinner with Abed. 437 00:19:59,276 --> 00:20:01,204 - Thanks. - Abed, please... 438 00:20:01,674 --> 00:20:03,677 - Allow me. - Okay. Thanks. 439 00:20:08,372 --> 00:20:09,664 Let me see. 440 00:20:10,153 --> 00:20:11,606 Mm, that's not good. 441 00:20:13,136 --> 00:20:14,975 They said "market price." 442 00:20:16,298 --> 00:20:19,258 What market are you shopping at? 443 00:20:24,681 --> 00:20:26,027 I'm going to run. 444 00:20:26,028 --> 00:20:27,224 - Me too. - Okay. 445 00:20:27,225 --> 00:20:28,263 - On three. - One... 446 00:20:28,264 --> 00:20:29,475 - Two... - Three.