1
00:00:01,369 --> 00:00:02,607
Don't forget, Greendale.
2
00:00:02,608 --> 00:00:05,741
It's the last day to sign up
for a spring semester elective!
3
00:00:06,222 --> 00:00:07,326
Horseback riding!
4
00:00:07,327 --> 00:00:09,371
Water skiing!
Fencing!
5
00:00:09,372 --> 00:00:12,574
Those are just a few classes
we can afford to offer
6
00:00:12,644 --> 00:00:14,371
if enough people
pay to learn hopscotch.
7
00:00:14,372 --> 00:00:16,306
Oh, they've got a class
on how to write jokes.
8
00:00:16,341 --> 00:00:17,441
Oh, don't take that.
9
00:00:17,475 --> 00:00:19,142
I dropped it
after the lesson on setups.
10
00:00:19,177 --> 00:00:21,678
The Professor is so old...
11
00:00:25,005 --> 00:00:26,061
So many classes.
12
00:00:26,092 --> 00:00:27,392
I don't know what to choose.
13
00:00:27,426 --> 00:00:29,394
I'll give you the same advice
my father gave me
14
00:00:29,428 --> 00:00:31,029
the night I lost my virginity.
15
00:00:31,063 --> 00:00:32,063
"Just pick one.
16
00:00:32,098 --> 00:00:33,531
They all cost the same."
17
00:00:33,566 --> 00:00:34,666
You could always take
18
00:00:34,700 --> 00:00:36,768
"The Actor Inside"
with me and Troy.
19
00:00:38,104 --> 00:00:40,638
How'd you get dragged
into that one?
20
00:00:40,673 --> 00:00:42,874
Our dance teacher encourages
us to take acting classes
21
00:00:42,908 --> 00:00:44,275
to tap into
our emotional cores,
22
00:00:44,310 --> 00:00:46,911
so Troy and I both decided
to take it together.
23
00:00:46,946 --> 00:00:48,446
Hmm. Foosball was full?
24
00:00:48,481 --> 00:00:49,647
I'm on the wait list.
25
00:00:49,682 --> 00:00:50,450
Don't give up.
26
00:00:50,527 --> 00:00:51,857
I was on the wait list
for this media class
27
00:00:51,885 --> 00:00:53,742
for a year and a half
and I finally got in.
28
00:00:53,770 --> 00:00:55,103
"Who Indeed:
A Critical Analysis
29
00:00:55,365 --> 00:00:56,965
of Television's
Who's the Boss?"
30
00:00:57,000 --> 00:00:58,866
The professor of this class
is the author of this book.
31
00:00:58,867 --> 00:01:00,501
- We got him?
- I know.
32
00:01:00,842 --> 00:01:02,177
So what are you taking, Jeff?
33
00:01:02,259 --> 00:01:03,115
Well, while you knuckleheads
34
00:01:03,116 --> 00:01:04,249
are expanding
your minds and souls,
35
00:01:04,374 --> 00:01:06,053
I'll be expanding my liver
36
00:01:06,054 --> 00:01:07,667
in "Italian Wine Tasting."
37
00:01:07,668 --> 00:01:08,768
Oh! Molto bene!
38
00:01:09,167 --> 00:01:10,367
I'm taking that one, too.
39
00:01:11,040 --> 00:01:13,576
Hmm. How do you say
"ha ha" in Italian?
40
00:01:13,621 --> 00:01:14,419
I'll look it up.
41
00:01:14,420 --> 00:01:16,706
Come on, Jeff, it'll be fun.
I can give you pointers.
42
00:01:16,707 --> 00:01:19,206
Pierce, I was a lawyer
at a top-tier law firm.
43
00:01:19,207 --> 00:01:20,998
When I wasn't shielding
the wealthy from justice,
44
00:01:20,999 --> 00:01:22,547
I was drinking
their finest wines.
45
00:01:22,548 --> 00:01:24,213
I assume you have
your own wine cellar.
46
00:01:24,291 --> 00:01:25,240
Pierce does.
47
00:01:25,398 --> 00:01:27,099
And it's, "ha ha!"
48
00:01:27,274 --> 00:01:28,417
Anyone can have a cellar.
49
00:01:28,418 --> 00:01:29,304
It's what's in it that counts.
50
00:01:29,399 --> 00:01:31,834
Pierce's has a special gym
with swings and saddles.
51
00:01:31,868 --> 00:01:34,036
Uh, we don't... we don't
discuss the special gym.
52
00:01:34,070 --> 00:01:37,472
Attention, please.
53
00:01:37,482 --> 00:01:39,632
All elective forms must be in
54
00:01:39,633 --> 00:01:41,100
by the end of the day.
55
00:01:41,664 --> 00:01:43,329
Oh, nice job, Manuel.
56
00:01:43,330 --> 00:01:45,735
And good news.
There's still plenty of room
57
00:01:45,736 --> 00:01:47,536
in my P.A. Announcements class.
58
00:01:47,812 --> 00:01:49,646
Just ten bucks an hour.
59
00:01:49,742 --> 00:01:54,242
Community 2x20 - Competitive Wine Tasting
60
00:01:54,243 --> 00:01:58,763
Sync and corrected by vNaru
www.addic7ed.com
61
00:02:20,505 --> 00:02:21,522
You're taking this, too?
62
00:02:21,523 --> 00:02:22,167
Hell, yeah.
63
00:02:22,168 --> 00:02:24,308
Got drunk ladies,
fancy bathrooms,
64
00:02:24,699 --> 00:02:27,070
and a room full of free coats.
65
00:02:27,997 --> 00:02:29,231
Sorry I'm late, man.
66
00:02:29,265 --> 00:02:30,265
I brought you a present.
67
00:02:30,300 --> 00:02:31,633
Oh.
68
00:02:31,668 --> 00:02:33,802
From before
your chin dimple filled in.
69
00:02:34,818 --> 00:02:37,598
Uh, excuse me.
70
00:02:38,007 --> 00:02:39,375
- So sorry.
- Hmm!
71
00:02:40,597 --> 00:02:41,207
Wow.
72
00:02:42,010 --> 00:02:44,083
Who is the dumpling
with the nice Asian pair?
73
00:02:44,247 --> 00:02:46,615
That's the first time
sexism has made me hungry,
74
00:02:46,649 --> 00:02:48,250
but she is something.
75
00:02:48,284 --> 00:02:50,253
I fear I may have
to let her see me nude.
76
00:02:50,392 --> 00:02:52,060
I might have to take
a shot myself.
77
00:02:53,659 --> 00:02:54,423
What's so funny?
78
00:02:54,438 --> 00:02:56,656
Well, why would a woman
want a Plymouth on cinder blocks,
79
00:02:56,657 --> 00:02:59,025
when she could have
a Testarossa, 500 horsepower
80
00:02:59,028 --> 00:03:00,157
with a six-speed stick?
81
00:03:00,212 --> 00:03:02,747
'Cause my stick is ribbed
for her pleasure.
82
00:03:02,932 --> 00:03:04,032
I think those are wrinkles.
83
00:03:04,882 --> 00:03:05,927
Let that breathe.
84
00:03:11,088 --> 00:03:13,408
Lingering scent, full body,
85
00:03:13,932 --> 00:03:14,630
perfect nose.
86
00:03:14,631 --> 00:03:15,865
Very nice wine.
87
00:03:15,899 --> 00:03:17,366
I was talking about you.
88
00:03:17,802 --> 00:03:18,754
Jeff Winger.
89
00:03:19,404 --> 00:03:20,580
Wu Mei Hong Long.
90
00:03:20,613 --> 00:03:23,328
Oh, what a lovely name
for a lovely...
91
00:03:23,329 --> 00:03:24,943
Uh, not interested.
92
00:03:24,944 --> 00:03:26,956
Please take weird haircut,
93
00:03:26,957 --> 00:03:28,056
stupid grin,
94
00:03:28,057 --> 00:03:30,492
and go sniff another dog's ass.
95
00:03:33,150 --> 00:03:35,785
Hmm, the red dragon
ordered a number 37
96
00:03:35,819 --> 00:03:38,187
with a side
of pork-fried snap.
97
00:03:41,879 --> 00:03:45,182
When you get up close,
she's very homely.
98
00:03:47,097 --> 00:03:48,397
This is gonna be fun.
99
00:03:48,432 --> 00:03:50,032
I can't wait
till we choose stage names.
100
00:03:50,067 --> 00:03:51,004
Which do you think is better?
101
00:03:51,076 --> 00:03:54,278
Trevor St. McGoodbody
or David?
102
00:03:54,304 --> 00:03:55,862
I don't think you have
to worry about stuff like that.
103
00:03:55,863 --> 00:03:57,664
This class is
more about introspection.
104
00:03:59,293 --> 00:04:00,032
Drag.
105
00:04:03,180 --> 00:04:04,480
Less of a drag.
106
00:04:05,776 --> 00:04:06,916
Quiet!
107
00:04:08,597 --> 00:04:10,046
Form a trust circle around me
108
00:04:10,047 --> 00:04:11,007
and sit on the floor.
109
00:04:11,054 --> 00:04:12,434
A trust circle?
110
00:04:12,435 --> 00:04:13,597
It's just a circle.
111
00:04:13,620 --> 00:04:14,687
It's a circle.
Sit down.
112
00:04:17,928 --> 00:04:21,464
Acting is revealing,
expression.
113
00:04:21,498 --> 00:04:24,066
When we release pain,
114
00:04:24,101 --> 00:04:26,802
we become visible
to each other.
115
00:04:26,837 --> 00:04:29,572
That is an actor's job.
116
00:04:29,606 --> 00:04:31,307
That and, you know,
117
00:04:31,341 --> 00:04:33,175
pretending to be other people.
118
00:04:33,210 --> 00:04:34,377
Let's start with you.
119
00:04:36,193 --> 00:04:37,966
Access and share with us
120
00:04:37,967 --> 00:04:40,368
a profoundly deep
and painful memory.
121
00:04:42,319 --> 00:04:43,886
I'm on the playground.
122
00:04:45,018 --> 00:04:46,734
Stop taunting me!
123
00:04:48,020 --> 00:04:49,721
I just want to go
on the swings!
124
00:04:50,864 --> 00:04:52,020
Good.
125
00:04:52,105 --> 00:04:54,840
Early childhood
is a treasure trove of pain.
126
00:04:54,921 --> 00:04:56,621
That happened this morning.
127
00:05:00,003 --> 00:05:01,170
You're up.
128
00:05:01,968 --> 00:05:03,031
Me? Um...
129
00:05:03,032 --> 00:05:04,214
I don't...
I don't think, uh...
130
00:05:04,215 --> 00:05:05,687
I don't want you to think.
131
00:05:06,201 --> 00:05:06,998
Feel!
132
00:05:07,534 --> 00:05:08,439
Go back.
133
00:05:08,817 --> 00:05:10,466
Dig in. Emotilize.
134
00:05:10,467 --> 00:05:12,415
Something hurt you.
135
00:05:13,183 --> 00:05:14,350
Um...
136
00:05:14,900 --> 00:05:17,368
I was captain
of my high school football team.
137
00:05:19,055 --> 00:05:24,126
It was very hard being popular.
138
00:05:25,168 --> 00:05:26,223
What a loser.
139
00:05:26,224 --> 00:05:27,491
Okay, great.
Next person.
140
00:05:27,964 --> 00:05:30,199
I've always felt
somehow ignored,
141
00:05:30,233 --> 00:05:32,568
almost invisible.
142
00:05:32,602 --> 00:05:35,204
Like every time I go to say
something, somebody just...
143
00:05:35,238 --> 00:05:36,672
My uncle put his finger
in my no-no!
144
00:05:43,765 --> 00:05:47,500
This... this
is where acting begins.
145
00:05:55,058 --> 00:05:58,928
Welcome to "A Critical
Analysis of Who's the Boss?"
146
00:05:58,962 --> 00:06:01,464
I am Professor Peter Sheffield,
147
00:06:01,498 --> 00:06:06,869
and I'd like to begin
with a simple question...
148
00:06:06,903 --> 00:06:08,471
Who was the boss?
149
00:06:13,498 --> 00:06:14,226
Yes.
150
00:06:14,227 --> 00:06:15,193
Angela.
151
00:06:17,314 --> 00:06:20,249
Oh, well!
Class dismissed!
152
00:06:22,018 --> 00:06:23,853
No, calm down.
Calm down.
153
00:06:23,887 --> 00:06:26,489
I'm sorry, um...
154
00:06:26,523 --> 00:06:28,357
- Mister...?
- Abed.
155
00:06:28,391 --> 00:06:31,827
The answer is not
quite that simple, Mr. Abed.
156
00:06:31,862 --> 00:06:33,329
Few are.
157
00:06:34,531 --> 00:06:38,033
Now, if everyone
could please turn to page 12
158
00:06:38,068 --> 00:06:39,068
in my book...
159
00:06:39,102 --> 00:06:40,536
Loser!
160
00:06:40,570 --> 00:06:42,705
You really have to finish
that whole book by tomorrow?
161
00:06:42,739 --> 00:06:43,805
Yeah, but it's a page-turner.
162
00:06:43,984 --> 00:06:46,199
I'm on the chapter where he
traces Tony Micelli's genealogy
163
00:06:46,200 --> 00:06:47,332
all the way back to Caesar.
164
00:06:47,333 --> 00:06:49,200
Well, it's gotta be better
than wine tasting with Pierce.
165
00:06:49,446 --> 00:06:50,591
He refused to drink Pinot Noir
166
00:06:50,592 --> 00:06:52,426
because he thought it was French
for "black penis."
167
00:06:52,516 --> 00:06:54,683
And he's late. Again.
168
00:06:54,718 --> 00:06:56,552
It's not your fault.
169
00:06:56,586 --> 00:06:57,920
It's not your fault.
170
00:06:58,694 --> 00:07:00,094
Thank you
171
00:07:00,790 --> 00:07:01,987
Oh, I'm sure he'll be here.
172
00:07:01,988 --> 00:07:04,089
He wouldn't miss a chance to pop
in and say something offensive.
173
00:07:04,317 --> 00:07:05,327
One day soon, that man's gonna
174
00:07:05,328 --> 00:07:06,628
run out of ways
to shock people.
175
00:07:06,796 --> 00:07:07,830
Everybody,
176
00:07:07,864 --> 00:07:09,598
this is Wu Mei,
177
00:07:09,633 --> 00:07:11,700
and we're getting married!
178
00:07:13,069 --> 00:07:14,837
But it's not gonna be today.
179
00:07:19,405 --> 00:07:20,911
So, uh, you're getting married
180
00:07:20,912 --> 00:07:22,479
to that beautiful young thing?
181
00:07:22,513 --> 00:07:24,948
Well, uh, stranger things
have happened.
182
00:07:24,982 --> 00:07:26,482
No.
No, they haven't.
183
00:07:26,485 --> 00:07:27,626
You said you guys just met?
184
00:07:27,627 --> 00:07:29,361
Yesterday,
after wine tasting class.
185
00:07:29,365 --> 00:07:31,666
I mentioned
that her breasts were larger
186
00:07:31,701 --> 00:07:33,001
than most Asian women,
187
00:07:33,035 --> 00:07:35,162
and, uh,
we just got to talking.
188
00:07:35,163 --> 00:07:37,798
Turns out Pierce has been
to China many times.
189
00:07:38,040 --> 00:07:39,374
It's the only place
to get fireworks
190
00:07:39,408 --> 00:07:40,442
that are too dangerous
for Mexico.
191
00:07:40,476 --> 00:07:42,544
No. I go
to visit my factory.
192
00:07:42,578 --> 00:07:45,213
Hawthorne Wipes are the number
one moist towelette in Asia.
193
00:07:45,248 --> 00:07:47,549
Anyway, after a few minutes,
we both just knew
194
00:07:47,583 --> 00:07:49,618
we were meant to be
together forever.
195
00:07:49,652 --> 00:07:51,920
Or at least
until she gets heavy.
196
00:07:51,954 --> 00:07:55,190
And, uh, now we must leave you.
197
00:07:55,224 --> 00:07:57,192
Many plans to make.
198
00:07:57,226 --> 00:08:00,462
Yes, yes, big plans.
199
00:08:00,496 --> 00:08:02,998
Well, what are we gonna do?
200
00:08:03,032 --> 00:08:04,299
Plan an engagement party?
201
00:08:04,333 --> 00:08:06,258
Are you out of your mind?!
This is a scam.
202
00:08:06,608 --> 00:08:09,009
She's after him for his money
or a green card or something!
203
00:08:09,010 --> 00:08:09,970
They seem
to really like each other.
204
00:08:09,971 --> 00:08:11,841
Yeah, and Pierce married
three of his wives
205
00:08:11,842 --> 00:08:13,172
after knowing them
less than a month.
206
00:08:13,197 --> 00:08:14,663
Maybe he's just a romantic.
207
00:08:14,744 --> 00:08:16,478
Not that you
would understand romance.
208
00:08:16,512 --> 00:08:18,280
Don't preach to me
about romance, Annie.
209
00:08:18,314 --> 00:08:21,286
I had a three-way
in a hot air balloon.
210
00:08:21,287 --> 00:08:23,022
Fine, I guess I'll do it myself.
211
00:08:23,219 --> 00:08:25,487
- Want to go?
- Mm-hmm.
212
00:08:25,521 --> 00:08:28,356
Boy, he seems really worked up.
213
00:08:28,391 --> 00:08:30,592
Hey, don't take on his pain.
214
00:08:30,626 --> 00:08:32,460
Tend your own garden.
215
00:08:35,965 --> 00:08:37,799
I'll see you in class.
216
00:08:41,003 --> 00:08:42,204
What's going on?
217
00:08:42,238 --> 00:08:44,739
Oh, um, I didn't have
a painful experience
218
00:08:44,774 --> 00:08:47,032
to share in acting class,
so I made up this story
219
00:08:47,033 --> 00:08:48,445
about my uncle trying
to touch my butt.
220
00:08:49,191 --> 00:08:50,312
Britta's attracted
to men in pain.
221
00:08:50,374 --> 00:08:51,748
It helps her pretend
to be mentally healthy.
222
00:08:51,749 --> 00:08:52,598
- Really?
- Yeah.
223
00:08:52,599 --> 00:08:53,817
I hadn't noticed.
224
00:08:53,913 --> 00:08:56,947
Troy? Nothing good
can come of this.
225
00:08:57,432 --> 00:08:58,245
Yeah.
226
00:08:58,866 --> 00:08:59,671
I'll have to think really hard
227
00:08:59,672 --> 00:09:01,406
about how to defuse
the situation.
228
00:09:01,927 --> 00:09:03,052
No, uncle Lucius!
229
00:09:03,053 --> 00:09:05,490
I don't want to play
in the laundry room!
230
00:09:05,661 --> 00:09:07,529
My emotions!
231
00:09:07,563 --> 00:09:09,698
My emotions!
232
00:09:15,037 --> 00:09:17,005
Actors dismissed.
233
00:09:18,315 --> 00:09:19,577
Uh, for homework,
234
00:09:20,106 --> 00:09:22,902
drink a glass of cognac
in a bathtub.
235
00:09:23,634 --> 00:09:27,054
Troy, I feel like I'm seeing
a whole different side of you.
236
00:09:27,450 --> 00:09:29,351
There's just so much darkness.
237
00:09:30,486 --> 00:09:33,088
And my soul is darkening,
238
00:09:33,122 --> 00:09:37,692
and my heart is mad
at my kidneys, and...
239
00:09:37,727 --> 00:09:39,327
My mouth...
240
00:09:43,992 --> 00:09:45,604
See you tomorrow?
241
00:09:49,939 --> 00:09:51,539
Uh, hello.
242
00:09:51,574 --> 00:09:52,841
Oh, hi.
I'm glad you could come.
243
00:09:53,560 --> 00:09:54,308
Please sit.
244
00:09:55,860 --> 00:09:58,258
I felt like we got off
on the wrong foot yesterday,
245
00:09:58,259 --> 00:10:01,295
and I wanted to offer you
my, uh, other foot.
246
00:10:01,417 --> 00:10:05,120
First, let me just say how happy
I am for you both.
247
00:10:05,154 --> 00:10:06,388
Your parents
must be so excited.
248
00:10:06,422 --> 00:10:07,489
Are they coming to the wedding?
249
00:10:07,523 --> 00:10:09,391
Oh, they would not miss it.
250
00:10:09,425 --> 00:10:12,861
My mother will make
the customary shark's fin soup,
251
00:10:12,895 --> 00:10:14,329
and my father will get drunk
252
00:10:14,363 --> 00:10:16,898
and make bad impression
of Borat.
253
00:10:16,933 --> 00:10:18,578
Oh, so your parents don't mind
254
00:10:18,579 --> 00:10:20,480
having a son-in-law
roughly their age?
255
00:10:20,703 --> 00:10:24,773
No. Pierce
is a beautiful, wise man,
256
00:10:24,807 --> 00:10:26,776
very gentle soul.
257
00:10:26,777 --> 00:10:29,479
Uh, let me tell you
that I am a lawyer,
258
00:10:29,533 --> 00:10:31,267
so if you need any help at all
259
00:10:31,480 --> 00:10:34,249
navigating the whole green card
immigration hassle.
260
00:10:34,283 --> 00:10:36,384
I am dual citizen already.
261
00:10:36,419 --> 00:10:39,321
Oh. Well, if you'd like me to
look at the prenup...
262
00:10:39,355 --> 00:10:41,189
I assume you have one.
263
00:10:41,223 --> 00:10:44,192
Yes, but my father's lawyers
will take care of this.
264
00:10:44,226 --> 00:10:47,862
After all, we must protect
our family fortune.
265
00:10:47,897 --> 00:10:49,698
Hmm.
266
00:10:49,732 --> 00:10:50,899
Now I'm stumped.
267
00:10:50,933 --> 00:10:51,900
Excuse me?
268
00:10:51,934 --> 00:10:53,368
Uh, it was...
269
00:10:53,402 --> 00:10:55,770
That means it was very nice
talking to you.
270
00:10:55,805 --> 00:10:57,439
Oh, okay, if you say so.
271
00:10:57,473 --> 00:10:59,574
- Okay. Right.
- Okay, good-bye.
272
00:11:01,110 --> 00:11:03,712
Why were you grilling her?
273
00:11:04,577 --> 00:11:07,353
Listen, I'm gonna bust
into her apartment.
274
00:11:07,354 --> 00:11:08,547
Do you have
any grappling hooks.
275
00:11:08,548 --> 00:11:10,263
Maybe Pierce finally found
his soul mate.
276
00:11:10,264 --> 00:11:12,734
How can you say those things
without any trace of irony?
277
00:11:12,982 --> 00:11:14,794
That's why they call me
irony-free Annie.
278
00:11:14,916 --> 00:11:17,717
Mm, trust me,
that's not what they call you.
279
00:11:24,300 --> 00:11:25,900
Yes?
280
00:11:25,935 --> 00:11:28,536
Oh. Mr. Abed.
What can I do for you?
281
00:11:28,571 --> 00:11:29,971
I finished your book,
Professor,
282
00:11:30,006 --> 00:11:31,672
and I've been watching episodes
of Who's the Boss?
283
00:11:31,674 --> 00:11:33,875
And I think there's something
that you might have overlooked.
284
00:11:34,050 --> 00:11:36,850
Mr. Abed,
will you look at my wall?
285
00:11:37,010 --> 00:11:38,399
- Mm-hmm.
- What do you see?
286
00:11:38,400 --> 00:11:39,600
- Photographs.
- Of what?
287
00:11:39,615 --> 00:11:40,749
- You.
- With whom?
288
00:11:40,783 --> 00:11:42,894
Tony Danza, Judith Light,
Alyssa Milano,
289
00:11:43,082 --> 00:11:44,176
Who's the Boss?
Season three caterer,
290
00:11:44,177 --> 00:11:45,275
Gordon "Giddy-up" Galligan.
291
00:11:45,455 --> 00:11:48,457
I have studied this show,
mister Abed.
292
00:11:48,591 --> 00:11:50,058
I am not a fan,
293
00:11:50,092 --> 00:11:51,960
I am not a groupie,
294
00:11:51,994 --> 00:11:54,396
I am an academic.
295
00:11:54,430 --> 00:11:57,132
When I ask the question,
"Who's the boss?"
296
00:11:57,166 --> 00:11:58,767
It is a rhetorical question.
297
00:11:58,801 --> 00:12:01,775
When I ask the question beyond
the question, "What is a boss?"
298
00:12:01,776 --> 00:12:03,945
I really think it's Angela,
because if it's a boss...
299
00:12:05,092 --> 00:12:07,225
Ok, listen, enough!
300
00:12:07,243 --> 00:12:08,276
I would like you to leave
my room.
301
00:12:08,310 --> 00:12:09,711
My mind is open, Professor.
302
00:12:09,745 --> 00:12:11,179
It's as open as the door
to Mona's bedroom.
303
00:12:11,213 --> 00:12:14,516
- It's a shame yours isn't.
- I beg your pardon?
304
00:12:14,550 --> 00:12:18,286
You know?
I just got a wonderful idea.
305
00:12:18,320 --> 00:12:21,523
Why don't you teach
the next class?
306
00:12:21,557 --> 00:12:25,393
That way you can share your
open mind with everybody.
307
00:12:25,428 --> 00:12:26,828
Cool.
Cool cool cool.
308
00:12:26,862 --> 00:12:28,563
Pchew.
309
00:12:30,366 --> 00:12:31,644
I couldn't be more touched
310
00:12:31,645 --> 00:12:33,472
that you all threw us
an engagement party.
311
00:12:33,556 --> 00:12:34,956
You said if we didn't,
you'd slash our tires.
312
00:12:36,707 --> 00:12:37,753
She is funny.
313
00:12:38,094 --> 00:12:38,995
Like Oprah.
314
00:12:39,352 --> 00:12:40,573
Oprah's not a comedienne.
315
00:12:40,609 --> 00:12:44,746
No, you are funny,
and you are like Oprah.
316
00:12:44,780 --> 00:12:46,481
Yeah.
What?
317
00:12:47,355 --> 00:12:47,901
Thank you.
318
00:12:47,902 --> 00:12:51,238
Pierce, I'd like to offer
my sincere congratulations.
319
00:12:51,277 --> 00:12:52,640
It's hard enough to find people
320
00:12:52,641 --> 00:12:54,127
you can stand in this life,
321
00:12:54,128 --> 00:12:55,696
let alone someone
who's willing to stomach
322
00:12:55,697 --> 00:12:58,065
your imminent dementia
and present incontinence.
323
00:12:58,094 --> 00:12:59,227
Thank you, Jeff.
324
00:12:59,261 --> 00:13:01,475
I just hope she can satisfy me.
325
00:13:01,476 --> 00:13:04,145
I'm like an insatiable baboon
in the bedroom.
326
00:13:04,233 --> 00:13:05,433
Don't sell yourself short.
327
00:13:05,468 --> 00:13:06,668
You're a baboon everywhere.
328
00:13:10,352 --> 00:13:11,167
Seems like just yesterday
329
00:13:11,168 --> 00:13:13,002
me and Abed
dined and ditched here.
330
00:13:18,576 --> 00:13:19,843
Here, hold this.
331
00:13:19,877 --> 00:13:21,778
Ugh, what is this?
332
00:13:21,812 --> 00:13:24,180
I always carry some spare apps
in case the wait staff's racist.
333
00:13:24,184 --> 00:13:25,291
Where's a napkin?
334
00:13:25,323 --> 00:13:26,457
Uh, here you go.
335
00:13:26,491 --> 00:13:28,525
Oh, thanks.
336
00:13:28,560 --> 00:13:29,827
Check that out.
337
00:13:29,861 --> 00:13:32,663
Hats off to Pierce
and the hot red dragon.
338
00:13:32,697 --> 00:13:33,831
Why do you keep
calling her that?
339
00:13:33,865 --> 00:13:35,666
"Hong Long" means red dragon.
340
00:13:35,700 --> 00:13:36,967
That's her middle name.
341
00:13:37,001 --> 00:13:39,169
In China, they
put the last name first.
342
00:13:39,204 --> 00:13:41,204
I mean,
they're nuts over there.
343
00:13:42,157 --> 00:13:43,079
Hm-hmm.
344
00:13:47,779 --> 00:13:49,146
Thank you all for coming.
345
00:13:49,180 --> 00:13:50,581
I know it seems fast,
346
00:13:50,615 --> 00:13:52,883
but when you find the right
person, you just know it.
347
00:13:52,917 --> 00:13:55,352
I know that because I've found
the right person seven times.
348
00:13:55,386 --> 00:13:58,388
So the drinks are on me,
but stick to the crappy stuff.
349
00:13:58,423 --> 00:14:00,390
I don't want to get corn-holed
on the bar tab.
350
00:14:00,425 --> 00:14:03,827
Pierce, you can't just throw
around a term like that.
351
00:14:04,838 --> 00:14:05,855
Corn-hole.
352
00:14:05,949 --> 00:14:08,110
Corn-hole, corn-hole!
353
00:14:08,111 --> 00:14:11,147
Pierce!
Troy was molested!
354
00:14:11,536 --> 00:14:12,536
Cool.
355
00:14:15,106 --> 00:14:17,640
Troy, we didn't know.
356
00:14:17,641 --> 00:14:19,808
Troy, do you need me
to recommend a support group?
357
00:14:20,098 --> 00:14:22,051
Hey, he's not a victim.
358
00:14:22,287 --> 00:14:23,754
You're a survivor.
359
00:14:30,047 --> 00:14:31,766
Yeah, about that...
360
00:14:32,119 --> 00:14:35,152
I wasn't so much "molested"
361
00:14:35,153 --> 00:14:38,388
as much as I "made it up."
362
00:14:38,557 --> 00:14:39,623
What?
363
00:14:39,708 --> 00:14:42,410
We're gonna laugh so hard
about this later.
364
00:14:42,500 --> 00:14:44,101
I'd like to propose a toast.
365
00:14:44,235 --> 00:14:49,239
Wu Mei Hong Long, better known
as Mei Hong Long Wu,
366
00:14:49,274 --> 00:14:52,376
is not only
not a Greendale student,
367
00:14:52,410 --> 00:14:54,611
she works for Red Dragon Wipes,
368
00:14:54,646 --> 00:14:57,548
the number two wipe in Asia,
369
00:14:57,582 --> 00:15:01,318
currently attempting
a takeover of Hawthorne Wipes.
370
00:15:01,352 --> 00:15:03,086
So please, raise your glasses
371
00:15:03,121 --> 00:15:06,523
to saving Pierce from
the clutches of a corporate spy,
372
00:15:06,558 --> 00:15:09,059
and to me for being
attractive enough
373
00:15:09,093 --> 00:15:12,529
to get a girl like her
under normal circumstances.
374
00:15:14,487 --> 00:15:16,351
Very impressive, Veronica Mars.
375
00:15:16,352 --> 00:15:17,727
You learned how to use Google.
376
00:15:17,731 --> 00:15:19,932
And you learned to fight
your physical desire for me.
377
00:15:20,107 --> 00:15:21,063
Oh, stick it.
378
00:15:22,023 --> 00:15:23,088
You suck.
379
00:15:24,275 --> 00:15:26,277
Wait, wait, wait.
380
00:15:29,080 --> 00:15:30,781
Record scratch app.
381
00:15:40,082 --> 00:15:41,482
Where'd everybody go?
382
00:15:42,328 --> 00:15:43,539
Most people went home.
383
00:15:43,771 --> 00:15:45,205
The rest went with Chang
to your place
384
00:15:45,291 --> 00:15:46,425
to have a ketchup fight.
385
00:15:46,588 --> 00:15:47,651
Oh, jeez, I better
get back there
386
00:15:47,652 --> 00:15:49,353
before he starts
playing monkey drop.
387
00:15:49,828 --> 00:15:51,000
Don't ask.
388
00:15:51,533 --> 00:15:53,000
Oh, uh, do you want to come?
389
00:15:53,372 --> 00:15:55,646
Why would I want to go
anywhere with Judas Winger?
390
00:15:56,038 --> 00:15:57,856
You're mad at me?
You should be thanking me.
391
00:15:57,885 --> 00:16:00,500
For what?
Ruining my relationship?
392
00:16:00,501 --> 00:16:01,717
What relationship?
393
00:16:01,818 --> 00:16:04,460
You just met the woman,
and the entire thing was a lie.
394
00:16:04,461 --> 00:16:06,909
She was just using you to get
your company in China.
395
00:16:06,910 --> 00:16:09,458
And I was just using her to
get her company in the sack.
396
00:16:10,082 --> 00:16:11,767
People use each other Jeff.
397
00:16:11,929 --> 00:16:13,180
It doesn't mean that
there aren't good feelings
398
00:16:13,181 --> 00:16:14,567
that go along with it.
399
00:16:14,758 --> 00:16:15,677
I liked her.
400
00:16:16,617 --> 00:16:18,287
She was busty.
401
00:16:19,568 --> 00:16:20,610
I thought we had something.
402
00:16:20,880 --> 00:16:22,309
I was trying to help you.
403
00:16:22,310 --> 00:16:23,419
I think what
you were trying to do,
404
00:16:23,420 --> 00:16:25,655
is prove that no woman
could want me.
405
00:16:37,646 --> 00:16:38,599
Oh, you're here.
406
00:16:39,211 --> 00:16:41,308
Look, Britta, I'm really sorry.
407
00:16:41,309 --> 00:16:43,360
Troy, kissing you
was a mistake.
408
00:16:43,368 --> 00:16:44,935
It will never happen again.
409
00:16:46,500 --> 00:16:47,444
Good.
410
00:16:47,541 --> 00:16:49,722
Before my ex-boyfriend Pablo
was arrested
411
00:16:49,723 --> 00:16:51,102
for forging church relics,
412
00:16:51,103 --> 00:16:52,946
he accused me
of only being attracted
413
00:16:52,947 --> 00:16:54,561
to a certain kind of guy.
414
00:16:54,562 --> 00:16:56,812
It was hard
to understand him, though.
415
00:16:56,813 --> 00:16:58,900
He was pretty huffed up
on paint thinners.
416
00:16:58,974 --> 00:17:02,510
Well, maybe someday, you'll
fall for someone who's healthy.
417
00:17:02,685 --> 00:17:03,776
Someone who,
418
00:17:03,777 --> 00:17:06,204
other than his irrational fear
of automatic toilets,
419
00:17:06,205 --> 00:17:08,804
is... normal.
420
00:17:11,248 --> 00:17:13,316
Who would like to begin today?
421
00:17:13,890 --> 00:17:15,184
I would.
422
00:17:15,753 --> 00:17:16,985
With a confession.
423
00:17:18,005 --> 00:17:20,707
My uncle never stuck
his finger in my plop-plop.
424
00:17:21,326 --> 00:17:23,293
I know.
I'm bummed about it, too.
425
00:17:23,980 --> 00:17:24,462
I'm sorry.
426
00:17:24,463 --> 00:17:26,425
I... want to be interesting.
427
00:17:26,426 --> 00:17:28,712
I want to fit in with you guys.
428
00:17:29,855 --> 00:17:32,924
I want to be able
to be an actor.
429
00:17:42,204 --> 00:17:45,333
The pain
of not having enough pain
430
00:17:45,968 --> 00:17:47,320
is still pain, young man.
431
00:17:48,241 --> 00:17:50,421
That may seem
like an easy resolution, but...
432
00:17:51,828 --> 00:17:52,945
We're not writers.
433
00:17:54,734 --> 00:17:56,142
We're actors.
434
00:17:58,205 --> 00:18:00,573
Story doesn't matter here.
435
00:18:03,477 --> 00:18:08,814
All that matters is our time
436
00:18:08,849 --> 00:18:10,510
in the spotlight.
437
00:18:11,549 --> 00:18:13,648
And so,
by all known definitions
438
00:18:13,649 --> 00:18:15,950
of the word "boss," I.E.,
one with authority over another,
439
00:18:16,248 --> 00:18:18,148
in 9 of 11 known
possible fields
440
00:18:18,183 --> 00:18:20,961
in which one might teach,
employ, guide,
441
00:18:21,227 --> 00:18:22,851
oversee, and/or
otherwise hold dominion,
442
00:18:23,028 --> 00:18:24,829
the empirically provable answer
443
00:18:24,860 --> 00:18:28,629
to the question "who's the boss?" is...
444
00:18:31,196 --> 00:18:33,497
Angela Bauer.
445
00:18:42,907 --> 00:18:45,175
Class dismissed.
446
00:18:53,985 --> 00:18:57,221
Class dismissed!
447
00:19:08,333 --> 00:19:10,868
There's a path you take
and a path untaken.
448
00:19:12,537 --> 00:19:15,039
The choice is up to you,
my friend.
449
00:19:41,399 --> 00:19:43,967
I wonder why Jeff and Abed
didn't show?
450
00:19:44,002 --> 00:19:46,303
Well, I don't know about Abed,
451
00:19:46,338 --> 00:19:49,106
but I'm sure Jeff just
found another life to destroy.
452
00:19:49,140 --> 00:19:51,342
Are you still thinking
about studying acting?
453
00:19:51,376 --> 00:19:52,730
I'm auditioning
for Professor Garrity's
454
00:19:52,731 --> 00:19:54,902
all-black production
of Fiddler on the Roof.
455
00:19:55,075 --> 00:19:56,817
It's called Fiddla Please.
456
00:19:58,750 --> 00:19:59,950
What's she doing here?
457
00:19:59,984 --> 00:20:01,385
I asked her to come.
458
00:20:01,419 --> 00:20:04,521
I was thinking, maybe you two
were meant to be together.
459
00:20:04,556 --> 00:20:06,880
You're both rude, you're
both deceitful and racist,
460
00:20:06,881 --> 00:20:09,449
and you both come
from moist wipe dynasties.
461
00:20:09,794 --> 00:20:11,210
I think having
that much in common
462
00:20:11,211 --> 00:20:13,146
justifies at least one real date.
463
00:20:14,201 --> 00:20:15,644
I guess we could
go out to one dinner.
464
00:20:15,645 --> 00:20:17,480
- You're paying.
- You're dressing slutty.
465
00:20:17,552 --> 00:20:18,323
Fine.
466
00:20:19,270 --> 00:20:20,704
How about Mexican?
467
00:20:20,739 --> 00:20:21,737
How about Thai?
468
00:20:21,754 --> 00:20:23,621
They're like Chinese Mexicans.
469
00:20:23,956 --> 00:20:25,557
- Hmm, so true.
- Mmm.
470
00:20:31,988 --> 00:20:34,394
♪ It's hard to be Jewish,
it's hard to be Jewish ♪
471
00:20:34,395 --> 00:20:36,751
♪ it's hard to be
Jewish in Russia, yo ♪
472
00:20:36,752 --> 00:20:39,254
♪ it's hard to be Jewish,
it's hard to be Jewish ♪
473
00:20:39,288 --> 00:20:41,556
♪ hard to be Jewish in Russia, yo ♪
474
00:20:41,591 --> 00:20:43,792
♪ bagels and lox,
diamond shops ♪
475
00:20:43,826 --> 00:20:46,227
♪ it's hard to be Jewish in Russia, yo ♪
476
00:20:46,262 --> 00:20:48,396
♪ hard to be Jewish,
hard to be Jewish ♪
477
00:20:48,431 --> 00:20:51,232
♪ hard to be Jewish in Russia, yo ♪
478
00:20:51,267 --> 00:20:58,340
Someone drop
an old testament beat.
479
00:20:58,374 --> 00:20:59,841
Dreidels.