1 00:00:01,134 --> 00:00:03,898 Something for the committee to put on the radar: Insurance. 2 00:00:04,053 --> 00:00:06,059 - What about it? - School needs some. 3 00:00:06,222 --> 00:00:07,776 - I can ask on the street. - What? 4 00:00:07,932 --> 00:00:10,613 Oh, too cool for street insurance? Must be nice. 5 00:00:10,768 --> 00:00:13,901 My sister wants to know what I'm bringing to my grandson's birthday. 6 00:00:14,063 --> 00:00:16,993 I'm sensing an emergency collage situation. 7 00:00:17,150 --> 00:00:19,653 I wasn't invited. My son had a kid three years ago. 8 00:00:19,819 --> 00:00:22,323 I barely get to see him on major holidays. 9 00:00:22,489 --> 00:00:25,169 I mean, who in the hell does he think he is? 10 00:00:25,325 --> 00:00:28,919 - You saw your son at his wedding. - No, that's Furio, my gay son. Him, I get. 11 00:00:29,078 --> 00:00:31,415 Hank's a knob, doesn't have any hobbies, interests. 12 00:00:31,581 --> 00:00:35,591 All he does is play... What do you call that crap with dungeons and dragons? 13 00:00:35,752 --> 00:00:37,839 - "Dungeons and Dragons"? - That's the crap. 14 00:00:38,004 --> 00:00:40,341 - I know that game. - We play "Dungeons and Dragons." 15 00:00:40,507 --> 00:00:45,181 Guys, let's play "D&D" to help Hickey reconnect with his son. 16 00:00:45,678 --> 00:00:49,142 Was everyone's takeaway last time that we use "D&D" to reprogram brains? 17 00:00:49,307 --> 00:00:50,814 Not that we almost caused a suicide? 18 00:00:50,975 --> 00:00:55,198 We prevented one. Fa... bulous Neil felt like a nobody. 19 00:00:55,355 --> 00:00:59,317 And thanks to us, he's still out there, doing this and that in the background. 20 00:00:59,484 --> 00:01:00,907 Satisfying sequel's difficult. 21 00:01:01,069 --> 00:01:03,370 Many geniuses defeated themselves through hubris. 22 00:01:03,530 --> 00:01:05,784 Making this a chance to prove I'm better. I'm in! 23 00:01:05,949 --> 00:01:08,535 All in favour of a game of "Dungeons and Dragons"... 24 00:01:08,701 --> 00:01:11,122 ...to reunite Hickey and his son tomorrow night? 25 00:01:11,287 --> 00:01:12,675 Aye! 26 00:01:12,831 --> 00:01:18,050 Well, okay. It's short notice, but I think it'll be good for me. 27 00:01:29,889 --> 00:01:31,016 So, Dad... 28 00:01:31,182 --> 00:01:32,570 ...I'm just curious. 29 00:01:32,725 --> 00:01:34,647 What is it about "Dungeons and Dragons"... 30 00:01:34,811 --> 00:01:37,528 ...that suddenly leapt out at you at age 60? 31 00:01:39,065 --> 00:01:41,153 Dungeons. It'd be the dungeons. 32 00:01:41,317 --> 00:01:42,361 Let's begin. 33 00:01:42,527 --> 00:01:46,074 A blood orange sunrise crests the peaks of Rage Mountain... 34 00:01:46,239 --> 00:01:48,410 ...as you arrive at the troubled Galindor. 35 00:01:48,575 --> 00:01:50,414 Ahead to the north, a bridged ravine. 36 00:01:50,577 --> 00:01:53,673 Beyond that, a mysterious black tower where, rumour has it... 37 00:01:53,830 --> 00:01:56,131 ...an evil necromancer dwells. 38 00:01:56,291 --> 00:01:59,008 Your goal: Reach the top and destroy the necromancer... 39 00:01:59,169 --> 00:02:02,052 ...freeing the realm from his evil magic. 40 00:02:02,213 --> 00:02:04,764 Oh, that's just what I love about role-playing games... 41 00:02:04,924 --> 00:02:07,605 ...is being told exactly what to do. 42 00:02:07,760 --> 00:02:09,766 - Me too. - You should introduce yourselves. 43 00:02:09,929 --> 00:02:11,103 I am... 44 00:02:11,264 --> 00:02:14,692 Oh, boy. Joseph Gordon Diehard. Really? 45 00:02:14,851 --> 00:02:16,405 Son of Sir Riggs Diehard. 46 00:02:16,561 --> 00:02:20,441 Well, I'm Sir Riggs Diehard, so I guess I'm your dad in the game too. 47 00:02:20,607 --> 00:02:23,241 - Oh, my God, so cool. - Isn't that weird? 48 00:02:23,401 --> 00:02:25,453 Oh, boy. Guys, I don't suppose... 49 00:02:25,612 --> 00:02:28,292 ...this is some contrived paint-by-numbers adventure... 50 00:02:28,448 --> 00:02:30,749 ...that's designed to force an emotional bond... 51 00:02:30,909 --> 00:02:34,337 ...between me and my emotionally stunted father, is it? 52 00:02:34,496 --> 00:02:37,544 - No way, Jose. - What? 53 00:02:37,707 --> 00:02:41,219 I got an idea. Why don't we just sort of reshuffle all these... 54 00:02:41,377 --> 00:02:43,798 ...redistribute them. Yeah, just mix them up a bit. 55 00:02:43,963 --> 00:02:45,304 I don't think... 56 00:02:45,465 --> 00:02:46,758 And here we go. 57 00:02:46,925 --> 00:02:50,436 Hello, everyone. I am Tristram Steelheart. 58 00:02:50,595 --> 00:02:53,395 I'm a holy cleric with a mace and a dumb name. 59 00:02:54,933 --> 00:02:59,737 I'm Tiny Nuggins, a thief, and the rest is gibberish. 60 00:02:59,896 --> 00:03:03,277 Greetings, I am Fibrosis the Ranger. 61 00:03:03,441 --> 00:03:06,324 I'm Crouton, the half-orc Druid. Druid? 62 00:03:06,486 --> 00:03:07,743 Oh, Crouton. 63 00:03:07,904 --> 00:03:09,826 Hector the Well-Endowed? Again? 64 00:03:09,989 --> 00:03:13,750 You think that's a weird coincidence? I'm a troll named Dingleberry. 65 00:03:13,910 --> 00:03:15,796 That's my mom's nickname for me. 66 00:03:15,954 --> 00:03:17,875 I'm who Hickey was, Sir Riggs Diehard. 67 00:03:18,039 --> 00:03:23,805 I am Joseph Gordon, son of Riggs. 68 00:03:24,170 --> 00:03:25,926 "I protect the blade of Diehard... 69 00:03:26,089 --> 00:03:29,054 ...a family sword whose power knows no equal. 70 00:03:29,217 --> 00:03:33,440 In our clan, the leader carries the hilt, his eldest heir, the blade... 71 00:03:33,596 --> 00:03:36,729 ...for we believe man's greatest weapon against evil... 72 00:03:36,891 --> 00:03:38,647 ...is the bond... 73 00:03:39,477 --> 00:03:42,028 Is the bond between father and son." 74 00:03:44,482 --> 00:03:46,036 What would you guys like to do? 75 00:03:46,192 --> 00:03:49,823 We should cross the bridge and head for the black tower. Huzzah? 76 00:03:49,988 --> 00:03:51,494 - Huzzah? - Huzzah. 77 00:03:51,656 --> 00:03:54,041 I don't know if I'm gonna head across the bridge. 78 00:03:54,200 --> 00:03:56,881 What else is out there? What's south or east or west? 79 00:03:57,370 --> 00:03:58,544 How about it, Aziz? 80 00:03:58,705 --> 00:04:01,386 I walk too far south, do I fall off your graph paper there? 81 00:04:01,541 --> 00:04:02,633 You can head south. 82 00:04:02,792 --> 00:04:05,556 I've generated some details about the surrounding area. 83 00:04:05,712 --> 00:04:09,259 You know, for God's sakes, Hank, it's been five seconds. 84 00:04:09,424 --> 00:04:11,808 - Can you not do this? - Hey, you tell me. 85 00:04:11,968 --> 00:04:13,391 Are we losing? 86 00:04:13,553 --> 00:04:17,065 No. It's not a competition. The only winner is fun. 87 00:04:17,223 --> 00:04:19,145 We're having fun. 88 00:04:19,309 --> 00:04:22,856 I go to Tristram, and I'm laughing... 89 00:04:23,021 --> 00:04:27,244 ...and I pick him up, and I carry him to the bridge. It's fun. 90 00:04:27,400 --> 00:04:28,907 Hector is trying to lift you. 91 00:04:29,068 --> 00:04:31,405 I cast "Torvin's Flesh of Fire." 92 00:04:34,073 --> 00:04:35,995 Tristram murmurs an incantation. 93 00:04:36,159 --> 00:04:40,880 His body becomes wreathed in white hot flame, burning Hector for... 94 00:04:41,039 --> 00:04:42,082 Six damage. 95 00:04:42,248 --> 00:04:44,752 - Hey! - Hector, that's called self-defence. 96 00:04:44,918 --> 00:04:47,552 Tristram's spell has caught the bridge on fire. 97 00:04:47,712 --> 00:04:49,883 The ropes snap causing the bridge to twist. 98 00:04:50,048 --> 00:04:52,598 I'm rolling dexterity checks to see if you all hold on. 99 00:04:52,759 --> 00:04:55,179 Abed, considering the bigger picture... 100 00:04:55,345 --> 00:04:59,900 ...you think it might be possible you miscalculated the bridge strength? 101 00:05:00,058 --> 00:05:02,526 Would've been constructed in the third age by goblins. 102 00:05:02,685 --> 00:05:04,358 They used primitive iron anchors. 103 00:05:04,521 --> 00:05:07,902 Ropes are yanked on both sides and you all plummet into the ravine below. 104 00:05:08,066 --> 00:05:09,407 - Abed! - Oh, no. 105 00:05:09,567 --> 00:05:11,370 - What? - Abed! 106 00:05:11,528 --> 00:05:14,292 You plunge into the icy, raging waters of Skull River. 107 00:05:15,073 --> 00:05:16,793 - What? - You know, what's your problem? 108 00:05:16,950 --> 00:05:18,373 - What? - You didn't invite me... 109 00:05:18,535 --> 00:05:20,456 - ...to Sebastian's birthday. - I knew it! 110 00:05:20,620 --> 00:05:22,091 Who hoards a man's grandson? 111 00:05:22,247 --> 00:05:24,334 He's not your grandson. He's my son. 112 00:05:24,499 --> 00:05:28,639 And I didn't invite you to the birthday party because I wanted to enjoy it. 113 00:05:30,338 --> 00:05:34,598 You know, fathers and sons, there is a lot of power between them. 114 00:05:34,759 --> 00:05:36,432 - Yes. - Stop it. 115 00:05:36,594 --> 00:05:40,474 And I spent a long time letting that power... 116 00:05:40,640 --> 00:05:43,653 ...push me away from my dad, and I regret it. 117 00:05:43,810 --> 00:05:45,447 So, what's ever between you guys... 118 00:05:45,603 --> 00:05:47,739 ...will only get fixed when you're together. 119 00:05:47,897 --> 00:05:49,155 They're not together. 120 00:05:49,315 --> 00:05:51,486 - Not helping! - Be a bad Dungeon Master if I was. 121 00:05:51,651 --> 00:05:54,949 Jeff, Hickey, Annie, Shirley, washed down the left fork of the river... 122 00:05:55,113 --> 00:05:56,323 ...others to the right. 123 00:05:56,990 --> 00:05:58,331 Father! 124 00:05:58,491 --> 00:06:01,339 If you're gonna continue, Hank, Britta, Chang, Dean Pelton... 125 00:06:01,494 --> 00:06:04,211 - ...go into a different room. - We're not going to continue. 126 00:06:04,372 --> 00:06:06,840 Thank you very much, guys. This was just awesome. 127 00:06:07,000 --> 00:06:09,503 Yeah, wait, wait. I'll play your dragon game with you. 128 00:06:09,669 --> 00:06:14,011 But let's make it interesting. If I kill the necrophile before you do... 129 00:06:14,174 --> 00:06:17,472 ...I come to my grandson's birthday. We'll settle it like men. 130 00:06:17,635 --> 00:06:19,937 Or whatever you call the guys that play this. 131 00:06:20,680 --> 00:06:21,938 Okay. 132 00:06:22,098 --> 00:06:27,864 But if I kill the necromancer before you do... 133 00:06:28,021 --> 00:06:31,283 ...then you don't go to Christmas or Thanksgiving at Aunt Rachel's. 134 00:06:31,441 --> 00:06:33,031 You don't even go to that. 135 00:06:33,193 --> 00:06:34,865 Yeah, but I will if you don't. 136 00:06:36,112 --> 00:06:38,200 - Okay, fine. - Okay. 137 00:06:38,364 --> 00:06:39,705 Let the real game begin. 138 00:06:48,666 --> 00:06:51,881 I will find you! 139 00:06:55,465 --> 00:06:58,051 Well, I'm assuming you guys can help me beat him... 140 00:06:58,218 --> 00:07:01,231 ...because if we lose, I'm gonna punch each of you in the heart. 141 00:07:06,142 --> 00:07:09,571 You awaken on a riverbank, surrounded by treacherous, godforsaken... 142 00:07:09,729 --> 00:07:11,200 ...non-zip line vacation jungle. 143 00:07:11,356 --> 00:07:14,321 I build a fire and construct a crude wooden rack... 144 00:07:14,484 --> 00:07:16,536 ...to dry my boots and oversized codpiece. 145 00:07:16,694 --> 00:07:20,917 And I can make some s'mores out of horse meat and s'more horse meat. 146 00:07:21,074 --> 00:07:23,245 Build a fire? Horse s'mores? Screw this. 147 00:07:23,409 --> 00:07:26,838 - The river runs east. I head west. - Tiny Nuggins scampers into the jungle. 148 00:07:26,996 --> 00:07:31,718 Hey, I didn't scamper in the jungles of Nicaragua and I won't do it now. 149 00:07:31,876 --> 00:07:33,798 - Wait, come back. I follow him. - Me too. 150 00:07:33,962 --> 00:07:36,679 Tiny Nuggins, if we rest, we'll regain our strength. 151 00:07:36,840 --> 00:07:38,014 And lose my family. 152 00:07:38,174 --> 00:07:41,188 I'll imaginary sleep when I'm imaginary dead. 153 00:07:41,344 --> 00:07:43,848 In the distance, you notice a patrol of hobgoblins. 154 00:07:44,264 --> 00:07:46,767 - Hobgoblins? - Larger, stronger, and worth more... 155 00:07:46,933 --> 00:07:49,401 - ...in Scrabble than regular goblins. - Get down. 156 00:07:49,561 --> 00:07:52,408 I punch him in the heart and I keep running. 157 00:07:52,564 --> 00:07:55,032 There are no women with them, are there? I got class. 158 00:07:55,191 --> 00:07:57,161 You charge, alerting them to your presence. 159 00:07:57,318 --> 00:07:59,205 You attack the nearest one in the chest. 160 00:07:59,362 --> 00:08:00,952 - You miss and fall down. - What? 161 00:08:01,114 --> 00:08:03,415 Hobgoblins are heading toward Nuggins with spears. 162 00:08:03,575 --> 00:08:06,458 Oh, no. I cast "Entangle" on them. 163 00:08:06,619 --> 00:08:08,340 Crouton the Druid waves her arms... 164 00:08:08,496 --> 00:08:12,756 ...causing grass, vines and branches to entangle the limbs of... 165 00:08:13,626 --> 00:08:14,800 Four hobgoblins. 166 00:08:16,045 --> 00:08:18,300 The two free hobgoblins fire arrows at Crouton. 167 00:08:18,464 --> 00:08:19,971 One pierces her shoulder. 168 00:08:20,133 --> 00:08:21,556 The other her chest. 169 00:08:21,718 --> 00:08:23,390 I fire an arrow at them. 170 00:08:24,179 --> 00:08:25,602 Hit. 171 00:08:26,723 --> 00:08:29,487 Hobgoblins don't like their odds. They bolt into the jungle. 172 00:08:29,642 --> 00:08:30,935 Yeah, you better run. 173 00:08:31,102 --> 00:08:35,574 Go find a name that's not just another creature's name plus "hob." 174 00:08:37,984 --> 00:08:40,321 - Crouton? - I'm here. 175 00:08:40,904 --> 00:08:43,584 She was badly wounded from her fall in the Skull River... 176 00:08:43,740 --> 00:08:46,457 ...and the arrows were just too much. I'm sorry. 177 00:08:47,702 --> 00:08:49,125 That's it? Is she dead? 178 00:08:49,287 --> 00:08:50,841 Yes, that's it, Hickey. 179 00:08:50,997 --> 00:08:52,124 I'm dead. 180 00:08:52,290 --> 00:08:53,678 But it's okay. 181 00:08:53,833 --> 00:08:55,221 I'm on your side. 182 00:08:55,376 --> 00:08:57,263 Which is why I'm dead. 183 00:08:57,420 --> 00:08:58,631 And I may be gone... 184 00:08:58,796 --> 00:09:02,143 ...but just remember whenever the wind whispers through the woods... 185 00:09:02,550 --> 00:09:04,686 ...you got me killed. 186 00:09:10,016 --> 00:09:11,689 Now, you listen to me, young man. 187 00:09:11,851 --> 00:09:14,355 I've punched about a thousand hearts in my life. 188 00:09:14,521 --> 00:09:18,317 - I never, never missed. - You ever been a 3-foot tall half ling... 189 00:09:18,483 --> 00:09:22,160 ...running through 2-foot high vines trying to punch a 7-foot monster? 190 00:09:22,695 --> 00:09:24,997 I'm gonna check the others. Check your character. 191 00:09:25,156 --> 00:09:28,205 Or just kind of generally take this game seriously. Your son does. 192 00:09:29,869 --> 00:09:34,460 I take a moment of silence to mourn my fallen comrade, Crouton... 193 00:09:34,624 --> 00:09:37,721 ...before rifling through her belongings. 194 00:09:40,630 --> 00:09:43,180 - My father? - No way to know where the others are. 195 00:09:43,341 --> 00:09:45,927 You're still travelling north along narrow cliff edges... 196 00:09:46,094 --> 00:09:48,478 ...of Hawthorne Mountains. I'll roll for encounters. 197 00:09:48,638 --> 00:09:51,188 I'd like to cast a healing spell on Fibrosis. 198 00:09:52,058 --> 00:09:53,232 Thank you. 199 00:09:53,393 --> 00:09:56,406 But I'm not gonna help you kick your dad out of your life. 200 00:09:56,563 --> 00:09:58,568 I don't think this competition is healthy. 201 00:09:58,731 --> 00:10:00,986 I don't think what you did back there was cool. 202 00:10:01,151 --> 00:10:04,912 You think I'm the bad guy because I didn't invite him to my son's birthday. 203 00:10:05,071 --> 00:10:06,578 But you know where he was... 204 00:10:06,739 --> 00:10:08,579 ...for most of my birthdays? 205 00:10:08,741 --> 00:10:11,707 Little place that rhymes with "not there." 206 00:10:11,870 --> 00:10:13,709 Times Square? 207 00:10:14,873 --> 00:10:16,463 You hear an ominous screeching. 208 00:10:16,624 --> 00:10:21,548 Moving upward into view, three huge, white arachnids with eagle wings. 209 00:10:21,713 --> 00:10:22,887 Sky Spiders. 210 00:10:24,090 --> 00:10:28,432 I draw my sword, and I cry out, "Back, eight-legged demons! 211 00:10:28,595 --> 00:10:32,771 I will not scoop you up with a catalogue and let you outside on this day!" 212 00:10:32,932 --> 00:10:35,269 Stay your blade, Joseph Gordon. 213 00:10:35,435 --> 00:10:38,532 Sky Spiders are as frightened of us as we are of them. 214 00:10:38,688 --> 00:10:40,444 Plus, they eat all the sky mosquitoes. 215 00:10:40,607 --> 00:10:43,953 I cast "Speak with Monsters," and I say: 216 00:10:44,819 --> 00:10:47,868 "Hello. You're looking well." 217 00:10:49,157 --> 00:10:52,372 The lead spider bends four knees and twitches its hairy ovipositor... 218 00:10:52,535 --> 00:10:55,632 ...rhythmically secreting and retracting a giant droplet... 219 00:10:55,788 --> 00:10:57,295 Or drop... of silk. 220 00:10:57,665 --> 00:10:58,958 Fibrosis, as a ranger... 221 00:10:59,125 --> 00:11:01,806 ...you recognise this as the arachnid signal of submission. 222 00:11:02,629 --> 00:11:03,720 Nice work, Tristram. 223 00:11:03,880 --> 00:11:07,261 Damn, you made that Sky Spider your bitch, yo! 224 00:11:10,386 --> 00:11:12,392 You've tracked the hobgoblins to this shack. 225 00:11:12,555 --> 00:11:14,810 One guard hob-guards. What they call guarding. 226 00:11:14,974 --> 00:11:16,564 - Go. - Sniper arrow on the guard. 227 00:11:16,726 --> 00:11:17,984 Strikes true. Guard drops. 228 00:11:18,144 --> 00:11:21,110 - I move to the doorway, detect traps. - None detected. 229 00:11:21,272 --> 00:11:22,483 - I enter. - Left flank. 230 00:11:22,649 --> 00:11:23,990 - Right! - One, facing east. 231 00:11:24,150 --> 00:11:25,491 - Backstab. - Double damage. 232 00:11:25,652 --> 00:11:28,155 He's dead. Footsteps behind the door to the north. 233 00:11:28,321 --> 00:11:29,579 I notch two arrows. 234 00:11:29,739 --> 00:11:32,954 - Climb the walls, get above the door. - Goblins enter from the north. 235 00:11:33,117 --> 00:11:34,410 - I fire. - Both arrows hit. 236 00:11:34,577 --> 00:11:36,499 - Cleave! - You kill one and wound another. 237 00:11:36,663 --> 00:11:38,466 I drop on the last one and grapple. 238 00:11:38,623 --> 00:11:40,877 - You got a hold of him. - This one is for Crouton. 239 00:11:41,042 --> 00:11:42,596 With his dying breath, he utters: 240 00:11:42,752 --> 00:11:46,762 "The dark lord will kill you all." 241 00:11:46,923 --> 00:11:48,560 Wait, these things can talk? 242 00:11:48,716 --> 00:11:50,223 I want two taken alive. 243 00:11:50,385 --> 00:11:51,595 I wanna try something. 244 00:11:51,761 --> 00:11:53,102 Hi. 245 00:11:54,013 --> 00:11:55,485 I'm Tiny Nuggins. 246 00:11:55,640 --> 00:11:59,650 I'm gonna put my dagger down right here, so we can just talk. 247 00:11:59,811 --> 00:12:00,938 Human trash. 248 00:12:01,104 --> 00:12:03,607 Yeah, look, I'm gonna give it to you straight. 249 00:12:03,773 --> 00:12:05,244 We're looking for a necromancer. 250 00:12:05,400 --> 00:12:07,321 We don't need two goblins to find him. 251 00:12:07,485 --> 00:12:11,542 So between you and your friend, who do you think's the most useful? 252 00:12:12,532 --> 00:12:14,537 Man, your friend sure can talk. 253 00:12:14,701 --> 00:12:16,373 Liar. He'll never turn. 254 00:12:16,536 --> 00:12:18,921 Oh, yeah, because of that famous goblin loyalty. 255 00:12:19,080 --> 00:12:22,426 I could never drive a wedge between you and some guy from work. 256 00:12:22,584 --> 00:12:25,965 I was best man at that guy's wedding. 257 00:12:26,379 --> 00:12:28,384 Your friend says you just got married. 258 00:12:28,548 --> 00:12:30,719 Congratulations. Too bad about the food. 259 00:12:30,884 --> 00:12:33,470 I hope your flesh rots in... Wait. 260 00:12:33,636 --> 00:12:34,810 What about the food? 261 00:12:34,971 --> 00:12:37,272 Oh, I guess he didn't like your wedding toast. 262 00:12:37,432 --> 00:12:38,820 Golbak said that? 263 00:12:38,975 --> 00:12:41,360 Klang doesn't approve of you and Lisa, Golbak... 264 00:12:41,519 --> 00:12:45,695 ...and I don't get the sense it's because of his feelings for you. 265 00:12:45,857 --> 00:12:49,784 I think about Lisa, sitting in that hole in Darktooth Canyon... 266 00:12:49,944 --> 00:12:54,416 ...with that little Frimrok and Grignog rolling about on the wolf pelts. 267 00:12:54,574 --> 00:12:57,539 Come on, between you and me, which one do you think is yours? 268 00:12:57,702 --> 00:12:59,873 No! 269 00:13:02,832 --> 00:13:05,252 I know where the tower is. 270 00:13:24,604 --> 00:13:27,701 Sky Spiders have flown you as far as their complex religion allows. 271 00:13:27,857 --> 00:13:30,705 They set you down and express, through intricate prancing... 272 00:13:30,860 --> 00:13:33,115 - ...directions to the tower. - Yes. 273 00:13:35,156 --> 00:13:36,959 Father, forgive me. 274 00:13:37,116 --> 00:13:39,335 I have travelled so far from you. 275 00:13:39,494 --> 00:13:42,792 How many game days since the Skull River ripped us apart? 276 00:13:42,956 --> 00:13:45,803 How many real hours since I've gone pee? 277 00:13:45,959 --> 00:13:47,300 We seek this necromancer. 278 00:13:48,670 --> 00:13:50,058 Why? Why? 279 00:13:50,213 --> 00:13:53,677 Our reasons are dreams, our dreams, dust. 280 00:13:53,967 --> 00:13:57,514 I send word on wings of sparrows... 281 00:13:58,263 --> 00:14:00,980 ...in hopes they might find you. 282 00:14:01,307 --> 00:14:04,819 Abed says the odds are near impossible. 283 00:14:05,103 --> 00:14:07,322 That's enough for me. 284 00:14:09,524 --> 00:14:13,155 Should you receive this message, I know of a way to reunite. 285 00:14:13,319 --> 00:14:14,956 According to my character sheet... 286 00:14:15,113 --> 00:14:18,494 ...if I rub the blade of our magic family sword while you rub the hilt... 287 00:14:18,658 --> 00:14:22,419 ...twin beacons of light will reveal our locations to each other. 288 00:14:22,579 --> 00:14:25,758 Each night, I will think of you and rub... 289 00:14:26,040 --> 00:14:30,762 ...praying for the night fate will find us rubbing together. 290 00:14:30,920 --> 00:14:35,926 Your son, Joseph Gordon Diehard. 291 00:14:42,682 --> 00:14:44,189 Something strange has happened. 292 00:14:44,559 --> 00:14:46,944 A sparrow lands on Riggs Diehard's shoulder. 293 00:14:47,353 --> 00:14:48,481 It carries a note. 294 00:14:57,238 --> 00:15:00,750 "Abed, I rub my sword's hilt"? 295 00:15:00,909 --> 00:15:02,996 Beam of light shoots up from your location... 296 00:15:03,161 --> 00:15:05,047 ...as the hilt of Diehard seeks its blade. 297 00:15:05,205 --> 00:15:08,752 The beam arcs and meets an equal beam in the woods to the north. 298 00:15:08,917 --> 00:15:10,304 Is that where the others are? 299 00:15:10,460 --> 00:15:12,631 Yes, 10 miles away, same as you. 300 00:15:12,795 --> 00:15:14,717 So we'll be arriving at the tower... 301 00:15:14,881 --> 00:15:16,553 At the same time tomorrow morning. 302 00:15:16,716 --> 00:15:18,389 This began as a race. 303 00:15:18,551 --> 00:15:21,019 But it may end in war. 304 00:15:21,387 --> 00:15:22,811 Does anybody have a toothpick? 305 00:15:22,972 --> 00:15:25,357 I got a piece of popcorn stuck in my tooth. 306 00:15:25,517 --> 00:15:28,565 Like, right under the gum. I've been trying like for 15 minutes... 307 00:15:28,728 --> 00:15:32,074 ...with, you know, my tooth and then with my tongue and my finger. 308 00:15:32,232 --> 00:15:34,818 I'm always one tooth off, and I just can't seem to... 309 00:15:34,984 --> 00:15:37,286 Oh, hello, there we go. Anyway... 310 00:15:37,445 --> 00:15:40,209 But it may end in war. 311 00:15:49,499 --> 00:15:51,504 Maybe after all we've been through... 312 00:15:51,668 --> 00:15:53,887 ...we should just call this thing off. 313 00:15:54,045 --> 00:15:55,931 What, you think that's up to us? 314 00:15:56,089 --> 00:15:59,601 You've seen the way he talks to me, doesn't want his father in his life. 315 00:15:59,759 --> 00:16:02,607 He'll do anything to win, and that includes attacking you. 316 00:16:02,762 --> 00:16:05,526 And you best believe that your little friends in there... 317 00:16:05,682 --> 00:16:07,272 ...are drinking up his Kool-Aid. 318 00:16:07,433 --> 00:16:10,696 This is a man who thinks of grandchildren like trophies. 319 00:16:13,106 --> 00:16:15,407 Which is why he'll play to win. 320 00:16:15,817 --> 00:16:17,454 And why I can't let him. 321 00:16:22,031 --> 00:16:25,875 Rise, brave, sweet Dingleberry. 322 00:16:26,035 --> 00:16:27,589 Rise. 323 00:16:27,745 --> 00:16:30,296 Both parties have arrived at the black tower. 324 00:16:32,417 --> 00:16:33,461 Hi, guys. 325 00:16:33,626 --> 00:16:35,714 - Father. - Joseph Gordon. 326 00:16:37,797 --> 00:16:41,179 We are here so Tristram Steelheart, Lord of the Sky Spiders... 327 00:16:41,342 --> 00:16:44,605 ...can slay the necromancer. You cool or are we gonna have to get red? 328 00:16:44,762 --> 00:16:47,977 Tiny Nuggins, Waterboarder of Goblins, will do the slaying... 329 00:16:48,141 --> 00:16:51,439 ...because every man has the right to hang out with his grandson. 330 00:16:51,603 --> 00:16:52,896 Too bad you're outnumbered. 331 00:16:53,062 --> 00:16:54,569 No, they're not. 332 00:16:54,939 --> 00:16:56,779 I'm not part of this. 333 00:16:56,941 --> 00:16:58,697 I am Joseph Gordon Diehard... 334 00:16:58,860 --> 00:17:01,909 ...and I am only here to hug my father, which I now do. 335 00:17:02,071 --> 00:17:03,163 It's a trick! 336 00:17:03,323 --> 00:17:05,743 - I'm not letting him hug me. - I hug my father! 337 00:17:05,909 --> 00:17:08,673 - He has gunpowder in his pants. - I draw my sword. Stay back! 338 00:17:08,828 --> 00:17:10,335 - I draw an arrow. - So do I! 339 00:17:10,497 --> 00:17:12,003 Troll sound! 340 00:17:12,165 --> 00:17:13,339 - Lower your sword? - No! 341 00:17:13,500 --> 00:17:16,003 - Dean, are you...? - I hug my father! 342 00:17:16,169 --> 00:17:17,759 You're impaled. 343 00:17:31,935 --> 00:17:33,322 Worth it. 344 00:17:33,478 --> 00:17:34,866 Good Lord. 345 00:17:35,021 --> 00:17:36,279 Son slayer! 346 00:17:36,439 --> 00:17:38,029 - I attack Jeff! - Arrow at Chang! 347 00:17:38,191 --> 00:17:40,362 - Arrow at Annie! - I head for the door. 348 00:17:40,527 --> 00:17:42,164 So do I! 349 00:17:42,320 --> 00:17:44,040 - Taste the blade of Diehard! - I run! 350 00:17:44,197 --> 00:17:45,953 - Turn a snake into a rope! - Two arrows! 351 00:17:46,115 --> 00:17:48,002 - Spear, spear! - I take the kid, pop him. 352 00:17:48,159 --> 00:17:51,338 - Three damage. - Lightning bolt, lightning bolt! 353 00:17:51,496 --> 00:17:53,715 Heal our moderate wounds! 354 00:17:53,873 --> 00:17:57,800 - I spray all over them. - I hold Britta's face in a puddle. 355 00:17:57,961 --> 00:17:59,882 - Seven damage. - Cleave, cleave, cleave! 356 00:18:00,255 --> 00:18:04,135 - I fire two arrows. - I drink from the Chalice of Knowing. 357 00:18:04,300 --> 00:18:07,349 Dingleberry smash! 358 00:18:07,512 --> 00:18:11,902 - Plus three, demonic eye look. - Pull and shove it up them! 359 00:18:12,058 --> 00:18:14,194 After that, I put one right behind the ear. 360 00:18:14,352 --> 00:18:16,238 I fire two... 361 00:18:17,230 --> 00:18:18,902 Sir Riggs, hand in character sheet. 362 00:18:28,992 --> 00:18:30,913 - Top floor, one door. - I open it. 363 00:18:31,077 --> 00:18:32,714 - "Flame Strike." - You did already. 364 00:18:32,871 --> 00:18:34,045 - Mace! - Okay. Missed. 365 00:18:34,205 --> 00:18:36,839 - Hit him with a throwing dagger. - Used all your knives. 366 00:18:37,000 --> 00:18:39,219 What? Will one of you guys take care...? 367 00:18:39,377 --> 00:18:41,845 - What? You're all dead? I keep going. - I follow. 368 00:18:42,005 --> 00:18:43,926 You've reached the necromancer's workshop. 369 00:18:44,090 --> 00:18:46,938 You see his bed, bottles of goop, some necromancing crap... 370 00:18:47,093 --> 00:18:48,434 ...but no necromancer. 371 00:18:48,595 --> 00:18:51,394 I search. Can I search or are you gonna stab me in the back? 372 00:18:51,556 --> 00:18:54,059 Hey, I am a thief, not a wuss. I search too. 373 00:18:55,226 --> 00:18:57,445 You find a secret door. It's easy, already open. 374 00:18:57,604 --> 00:19:00,866 It leads to a ladder which goes straight down to another open door... 375 00:19:01,024 --> 00:19:03,788 - ...on the back of the tower. - Man. Way to go. 376 00:19:03,943 --> 00:19:05,533 That's great. He just got away. 377 00:19:05,695 --> 00:19:08,376 Hey, you can't just say he's gone. You owe us an ending. 378 00:19:09,657 --> 00:19:11,164 I owe you nothing. 379 00:19:11,326 --> 00:19:12,832 I am a Dungeon Master. 380 00:19:12,994 --> 00:19:15,711 I create a boundless world, and I bind it by rules. 381 00:19:15,872 --> 00:19:17,877 Too heavy for a bridge? It breaks. 382 00:19:18,041 --> 00:19:21,138 Get hit? Take damage. Spend an hour outside someone's front door... 383 00:19:21,294 --> 00:19:24,557 ...fighting over who gets to kill him? He leaves through the back. 384 00:19:24,714 --> 00:19:27,811 He's out there. You might find him, if you get your crap together. 385 00:19:27,967 --> 00:19:30,304 Hey, guys. Take it from a bunch of ghosts. 386 00:19:30,470 --> 00:19:32,023 This is no kind of life. 387 00:19:32,180 --> 00:19:34,434 You need fresh air and frozen yogurt. 388 00:19:34,599 --> 00:19:36,818 It's on me. Hug it out. 389 00:19:36,976 --> 00:19:38,816 - Gag me. - Who even uses that phrase? 390 00:19:38,978 --> 00:19:40,485 I'm climbing down the ladder. 391 00:19:40,647 --> 00:19:43,446 - I'm gonna find this guy. - I stay and search the workshop. 392 00:19:43,608 --> 00:19:46,325 - Any stuff there that can heal me? - Some potions. 393 00:19:46,486 --> 00:19:47,993 Okay, well, I get half of that. 394 00:19:48,154 --> 00:19:49,661 You just went down the ladder. 395 00:19:49,823 --> 00:19:51,828 I can... Can I hear him looting upstairs? 396 00:19:51,991 --> 00:19:53,498 Not if I move about silently. 397 00:19:53,660 --> 00:19:57,088 Fine, fine. If I heal you, can we divide the potions? 398 00:19:57,247 --> 00:19:59,833 Okay, but I decide who gets what. 399 00:19:59,999 --> 00:20:01,839 Fine, but we've gotta be wary of traps. 400 00:20:02,001 --> 00:20:03,294 - Wand of Orcus. - I don't... 401 00:20:03,461 --> 00:20:04,635 What's going on? 402 00:20:04,796 --> 00:20:09,305 - Give me a... I'm up to here with you. - Want to get the necromancer or not? 403 00:20:09,467 --> 00:20:11,188 Do they like each other now? 404 00:20:11,344 --> 00:20:14,441 Are you kidding me? They can't stand being in the same room. 405 00:20:14,597 --> 00:20:16,982 I also don't think they can handle being apart. 406 00:20:17,142 --> 00:20:23,358 And I think they just found a way to avoid doing either. 407 00:20:26,776 --> 00:20:30,039 And that's the best most fathers and sons can do. 408 00:20:31,114 --> 00:20:32,621 You've made me so proud today. 409 00:20:34,367 --> 00:20:38,247 - Know where we can buy a real sword? - Oh, Jeffrey. 410 00:20:45,378 --> 00:20:48,676 You're still at the entrance to the Chamber of Grief. 411 00:20:50,884 --> 00:20:52,556 Your move, Mr. Tickles. 412 00:20:55,722 --> 00:20:59,399 You successfully pour more tea into Count Frogula's cup. 413 00:20:59,559 --> 00:21:02,407 That puts it at Hillary Rodham Kitten. 414 00:21:02,562 --> 00:21:06,572 Okay, you attempt to pass crumpets. 415 00:21:08,610 --> 00:21:09,867 You fail. 416 00:21:10,028 --> 00:21:13,789 I'm getting frustrated. If you take a look at your inventories, you'll see... 417 00:21:13,948 --> 00:21:15,372 Abed, are you almost done? 418 00:21:15,533 --> 00:21:17,206 I can't sleep without my stuffies. 419 00:21:17,368 --> 00:21:19,171 Fine. Hold on. 420 00:21:20,246 --> 00:21:23,011 Oh, a goblin notices you and murders you all. You're dead. 421 00:21:23,166 --> 00:21:24,720 They're all yours.