1
00:00:05,167 --> 00:00:08,067
*

2
00:00:08,067 --> 00:00:11,467
* you won't admit you love me *

3
00:00:11,467 --> 00:00:13,267
* and so *

4
00:00:13,267 --> 00:00:15,634
* how am i ever *

5
00:00:15,634 --> 00:00:17,667
* to know *

6
00:00:17,667 --> 00:00:20,434
* you always tell me *

7
00:00:20,434 --> 00:00:24,000
* perhaps, perhaps, perhaps *

8
00:00:25,100 --> 00:00:27,100
* perhaps *

9
00:00:27,100 --> 00:00:29,634
* perhaps *

10
00:00:29,634 --> 00:00:31,234
* perhaps *

11
00:00:42,267 --> 00:00:44,801
Hi, it's steve.

12
00:00:44,801 --> 00:00:46,601
Oh, hi, steve.

13
00:00:56,501 --> 00:00:58,033
So what was the pause for?

14
00:00:58,033 --> 00:00:59,868
I don't know.
I panicked.

15
00:00:59,868 --> 00:01:02,100
What did you do
after the pause?

16
00:01:02,100 --> 00:01:04,934
Well, the pause
got out of control.

17
00:01:04,934 --> 00:01:06,467
<i>You kept pausing?!</i>

18
00:01:06,467 --> 00:01:08,234
It got away from me.

19
00:01:18,467 --> 00:01:21,300
At first, it was just
a normal pause,

20
00:01:21,300 --> 00:01:23,667
A collect-Your-Thoughts pause.

21
00:01:23,667 --> 00:01:24,834
That's perfectly
acceptable.

22
00:01:24,834 --> 00:01:28,467
But then...
then i thought
about the pause.

23
00:01:28,467 --> 00:01:30,634
And now the pause
is too long to ignore!

24
00:01:30,634 --> 00:01:33,100
Yeah, the pause is like
a whole third person
in the conversation.

25
00:01:33,100 --> 00:01:34,901
Exactly!
Only not
saying much.

26
00:01:34,901 --> 00:01:35,934
Right.

27
00:01:35,934 --> 00:01:37,300
Like patrick.

28
00:01:54,033 --> 00:01:56,767
Now i'm a rabbit
in headlights!

29
00:01:56,767 --> 00:01:58,901
This pause
is just expanding

30
00:01:58,901 --> 00:02:00,100
And expanding

31
00:02:00,100 --> 00:02:02,801
Like this
out-Of-Control
thing!

32
00:02:02,801 --> 00:02:04,234
<i>Yeah, like
in the blob!</i>

33
00:02:04,234 --> 00:02:05,267
Yes, like in--
What?

34
00:02:05,267 --> 00:02:07,000
<i>The blob, 50s horror movie.</i>

35
00:02:07,000 --> 00:02:08,868
This blob comes
from outer space

36
00:02:08,868 --> 00:02:10,767
And just keeps
growing and growing.

37
00:02:10,767 --> 00:02:12,200
Right, thanks.

38
00:02:12,200 --> 00:02:13,367
It eats people!

39
00:02:13,367 --> 00:02:16,434
And in the end they kill it
by electrocution.

40
00:02:18,000 --> 00:02:20,133
But that bit
doesn't really apply here.

41
00:02:21,567 --> 00:02:24,000
Anyway,
i've got the phone
in my hand

42
00:02:24,000 --> 00:02:25,234
And i'm saying nothing.

43
00:02:25,234 --> 00:02:26,534
Right.
No, nothing!

44
00:02:26,534 --> 00:02:28,267
Nothing is coming
into my head!

45
00:02:28,267 --> 00:02:30,534
I have forgotten
in one moment
of embarrassment

46
00:02:30,534 --> 00:02:32,667
<i>The entire english language.</i>

47
00:02:32,667 --> 00:02:34,334
I hate it
when that happens!

48
00:02:34,334 --> 00:02:36,834
I can feel my hair
sweating!

49
00:02:36,834 --> 00:02:38,000
Oh, god, yeah.

50
00:02:38,000 --> 00:02:40,534
And there's always
this puppy trapped in a car

51
00:02:40,534 --> 00:02:42,367
That you've got to rescue!

52
00:02:42,367 --> 00:02:43,601
What?

53
00:02:44,934 --> 00:02:47,534
Oh, sorry. I'm back
on the blob there.

54
00:02:47,534 --> 00:02:50,434
There's always this puppy
trapped in a car

55
00:02:50,434 --> 00:02:52,200
In those movies.

56
00:02:52,200 --> 00:02:54,667
Okay. Sorry.
So, um...

57
00:02:54,667 --> 00:02:57,767
the blob from space
is the pause...

58
00:02:57,767 --> 00:02:58,834
yeah.

59
00:02:58,834 --> 00:03:00,334
What exactly is the puppy?

60
00:03:03,334 --> 00:03:04,467
Love.

61
00:03:04,467 --> 00:03:05,634
What?

62
00:03:05,634 --> 00:03:07,767
Obviously, the puppy
represents love.

63
00:03:07,767 --> 00:03:09,968
You've got to rescue
the puppy of love

64
00:03:09,968 --> 00:03:13,300
From the car...
of conversation.

65
00:03:15,501 --> 00:03:17,100
That's right,
isn't it, jeff?

66
00:03:21,200 --> 00:03:22,501
Steve?

67
00:03:24,434 --> 00:03:26,767
Hi, it's steve.

68
00:03:26,767 --> 00:03:28,934
You said.

69
00:03:28,934 --> 00:03:30,634
Right--Right, of course.

70
00:03:30,634 --> 00:03:32,067
Um...

71
00:03:34,067 --> 00:03:35,534
um...

72
00:03:35,534 --> 00:03:37,801
there seems to be
a fault on this line.

73
00:03:37,801 --> 00:03:39,067
Brilliant!

74
00:03:39,067 --> 00:03:40,267
Pretty good.

75
00:03:41,267 --> 00:03:42,434
A fault?

76
00:03:42,434 --> 00:03:45,801
You--You couldn't hear me
talking then, could you?

77
00:03:45,801 --> 00:03:47,834
I could hear you breathing.

78
00:03:49,667 --> 00:03:51,133
Uh, that wasn't me.

79
00:03:51,133 --> 00:03:52,634
It wasn't you?

80
00:03:52,634 --> 00:03:55,267
No, no. Um...

81
00:03:55,267 --> 00:03:57,734
maybe--Maybe there's
someone behind you.

82
00:03:59,734 --> 00:04:00,801
I'm alone.

83
00:04:00,801 --> 00:04:01,968
Look--

84
00:04:01,968 --> 00:04:03,968
I was just wondering,

85
00:04:03,968 --> 00:04:05,934
Would you like
to meet up sometime?

86
00:04:05,934 --> 00:04:07,934
Or alternatively,
i could never phone you again

87
00:04:07,934 --> 00:04:08,934
And emigrate.

88
00:04:08,934 --> 00:04:10,634
How 'bout tomorrow night?

89
00:04:10,634 --> 00:04:12,701
Great.

90
00:04:12,701 --> 00:04:14,400
I suggest new zealand.

91
00:04:17,501 --> 00:04:19,434
Kidding.

92
00:04:19,434 --> 00:04:20,734
Right.

93
00:04:20,734 --> 00:04:22,868
Why don't you
come 'round to my place.

94
00:04:22,868 --> 00:04:23,934
I'll cook.

95
00:04:23,934 --> 00:04:25,634
You said what?

96
00:04:25,634 --> 00:04:27,000
I'll cook.

97
00:04:27,000 --> 00:04:29,567
It just came
out of my mouth.

98
00:04:29,567 --> 00:04:31,701
You know what
"i'll cooksays?"

99
00:04:31,701 --> 00:04:33,567
It says,"let's have sex."

100
00:04:33,567 --> 00:04:37,434
No. That would be "come
and spend the night with me."

101
00:04:37,434 --> 00:04:40,067
"Come and spend the night
with me" says"let's have sex."

102
00:04:40,067 --> 00:04:43,868
"I'll cook"says"let's have sex
andi'll cater."

103
00:04:43,868 --> 00:04:45,167
Sally...

104
00:04:46,868 --> 00:04:48,667
susan, you are
offering this man

105
00:04:48,667 --> 00:04:50,701
Food and sex
in the same place.

106
00:04:50,701 --> 00:04:53,968
If there's something
to read in the loo,
he may never leave.

107
00:04:53,968 --> 00:04:57,033
Men don't expect sex
just 'cause you offer to cook.

108
00:04:57,033 --> 00:04:58,534
Okay...

109
00:04:58,534 --> 00:05:01,033
have you thought
through your foreplay yet?

110
00:05:02,667 --> 00:05:04,367
They know about that?

111
00:05:04,367 --> 00:05:07,367
What do you mean, foreplay?!

112
00:05:07,367 --> 00:05:08,968
What do you think i mean?

113
00:05:08,968 --> 00:05:11,367
I mean where exactly
do you take your socks off?

114
00:05:13,667 --> 00:05:16,467
My advice is to get them off
right afteryour shoes

115
00:05:16,467 --> 00:05:18,567
And beforeyour trousers.

116
00:05:18,567 --> 00:05:20,133
That's the sock gap.

117
00:05:20,133 --> 00:05:24,634
Miss it, and suddenly
you're a naked man in socks.

118
00:05:24,634 --> 00:05:27,267
No self-Respecting woman

119
00:05:27,267 --> 00:05:29,567
Will ever let
a naked man in socks

120
00:05:29,567 --> 00:05:31,534
Do the squelchy with her.

121
00:05:33,701 --> 00:05:35,234
That's your foreplay tip?

122
00:05:35,234 --> 00:05:36,968
Socks?

123
00:05:39,167 --> 00:05:42,434
Many men have fallen through
the sock gap, patrick.

124
00:05:44,567 --> 00:05:47,334
Under the sexual arena
of earthly delight,

125
00:05:47,334 --> 00:05:49,934
There lurks
a deadly pit of socks.

126
00:05:49,934 --> 00:05:51,868
Okay...

127
00:05:51,868 --> 00:05:54,267
foreplay tip number two...

128
00:05:54,267 --> 00:05:58,534
whoever you normally
fantasize about during sex,

129
00:05:58,534 --> 00:06:01,167
Start calling them "susan."

130
00:06:01,167 --> 00:06:03,801
With you--With you
it's always, uh...

131
00:06:03,801 --> 00:06:06,934
mariella frostrup,
right?

132
00:06:06,934 --> 00:06:08,901
Well, call her
"susan frostrup."

133
00:06:08,901 --> 00:06:11,167
That way, when
you're in bed with susan,

134
00:06:11,167 --> 00:06:13,334
You won't shout the wrong name
when you got your eyes shut.

135
00:06:13,334 --> 00:06:15,567
Or you could call her "god."

136
00:06:15,567 --> 00:06:17,267
Yeah, that'd work.

137
00:06:19,801 --> 00:06:21,567
( Gasps )

138
00:06:21,567 --> 00:06:25,000
So is it absolutely necessary
to think about somebody else?

139
00:06:25,000 --> 00:06:27,033
Jeff: well, you know,

140
00:06:27,033 --> 00:06:28,234
Everybody does.

141
00:06:28,234 --> 00:06:30,701
That's why there are
so many celebrity marriages.

142
00:06:30,701 --> 00:06:32,267
I'm sorry?

143
00:06:32,267 --> 00:06:35,167
Well, if you fantasize
about someone else during sex,

144
00:06:35,167 --> 00:06:36,968
And so does your partner,

145
00:06:36,968 --> 00:06:39,100
And those two people
that you're fantasizing about

146
00:06:39,100 --> 00:06:41,267
Happen to meet
while you're still doing it,

147
00:06:41,267 --> 00:06:43,467
They're bound to sense
something, aren't they?

148
00:06:43,467 --> 00:06:46,501
Because they're connecting
on like avirtual plane.

149
00:06:46,501 --> 00:06:49,100
So can you imagine
what it was like when

150
00:06:49,100 --> 00:06:50,934
Posh first met beckham?

151
00:06:50,934 --> 00:06:53,634
They were the epicenter
of a nonstop,

152
00:06:53,634 --> 00:06:55,868
Nationwide virtual shag!

153
00:06:57,834 --> 00:07:00,367
I mean it's no wonder
she got pregnant.

154
00:07:00,367 --> 00:07:03,701
When the van comes
for you, jeff,
go quietly.

155
00:07:03,701 --> 00:07:05,400
Okay.

156
00:07:05,400 --> 00:07:08,200
So i just popped in
for a drink with sal

157
00:07:08,200 --> 00:07:10,200
Before i get home
and start cooking.

158
00:07:10,200 --> 00:07:11,901
I wasn't expecting
to see you.

159
00:07:11,901 --> 00:07:14,200
Could i have a word,
please?

160
00:07:14,200 --> 00:07:15,300
Sure.

161
00:07:15,300 --> 00:07:17,567
You guys okay
for drinks?

162
00:07:17,567 --> 00:07:18,901
Yeah, sure.

163
00:07:18,901 --> 00:07:21,100
Can i just clarify

164
00:07:21,100 --> 00:07:23,567
<i>When i say dinner,
i mean dinner.</i>

165
00:07:23,567 --> 00:07:25,033
I know that.

166
00:07:25,033 --> 00:07:26,167
Absolutely.

167
00:07:26,167 --> 00:07:27,968
Plain ordinary cooking.

168
00:07:27,968 --> 00:07:30,968
Well, i wasn't expecting
a fish course.

169
00:07:34,701 --> 00:07:37,300
So you can stop worrying
about your socks.

170
00:07:37,300 --> 00:07:39,400
I think they just melted.

171
00:07:41,067 --> 00:07:42,400
A motor show.

172
00:07:42,400 --> 00:07:43,901
Yeah. I thought
we could go together.

173
00:07:43,901 --> 00:07:45,000
You like cars, right?

174
00:07:46,000 --> 00:07:47,501
<i>Everybody likes cars.</i>

175
00:07:49,767 --> 00:07:51,267
<i>Would this be
a date?</i>

176
00:07:51,267 --> 00:07:52,801
I'm sorry?

177
00:07:52,801 --> 00:07:54,367
I'd love to go,
patrick,

178
00:07:54,367 --> 00:07:57,200
<i>But strictly
as your friend.</i>

179
00:07:57,200 --> 00:07:59,234
<i>What do you mean friend exactly?</i>

180
00:07:59,234 --> 00:08:01,834
I wouldn't be your date.

181
00:08:01,834 --> 00:08:03,434
I'd be your friend.

182
00:08:03,434 --> 00:08:06,601
No, sorry, still not with you.

183
00:08:08,000 --> 00:08:09,767
Okay. Let's
take it slowly.

184
00:08:09,767 --> 00:08:12,467
What do you call people
you go out with

185
00:08:12,467 --> 00:08:15,300
But you don't try
to sleep with?

186
00:08:15,300 --> 00:08:16,934
Men.

187
00:08:20,734 --> 00:08:22,868
<i>Now, since i'm
only a friend date,</i>

188
00:08:22,868 --> 00:08:25,801
Do you want to
take this ticket back
and get an upgrade?

189
00:08:25,801 --> 00:08:28,400
<i>Hey, no. We can go
as the friends thing.</i>

190
00:08:28,400 --> 00:08:30,501
I'm never going
to sleep with you,
patrick--

191
00:08:30,501 --> 00:08:31,601
Ever, ever,

192
00:08:31,601 --> 00:08:32,601
Ever.

193
00:08:32,601 --> 00:08:34,801
Okay, thanks.
See you 'round.

194
00:08:36,934 --> 00:08:38,968
That looked like
a dumpingconversation.

195
00:08:38,968 --> 00:08:40,834
How'd it go?
She took it okay.

196
00:08:43,000 --> 00:08:45,667
Would you consider
a naked man in socks?

197
00:08:45,667 --> 00:08:49,667
I would consider anything
except animals and tories.

198
00:08:49,667 --> 00:08:52,868
Maybe angus deayton.
What?

199
00:08:52,868 --> 00:08:55,067
I think angus
could pull off naked
in socks.

200
00:08:55,067 --> 00:08:58,534
Susan, you've got to
get past this angus thing.

201
00:08:58,534 --> 00:08:59,767
I'm trying!

202
00:08:59,767 --> 00:09:02,167
So how's
the patrick thing going?

203
00:09:02,167 --> 00:09:03,167
It isn't.

204
00:09:03,167 --> 00:09:04,968
I told you he
wasn't your type.

205
00:09:04,968 --> 00:09:06,567
I'm surprised
he was ever yours.

206
00:09:06,567 --> 00:09:09,033
<i>What did you see in him.
He's so dull!</i>

207
00:09:09,033 --> 00:09:10,868
I need personality.

208
00:09:10,868 --> 00:09:13,200
Verve, humor.

209
00:09:13,200 --> 00:09:16,100
At least now i know why
you called him "donkey brain."

210
00:09:17,634 --> 00:09:19,634
Actually,
i called him "donkey."

211
00:09:19,634 --> 00:09:21,701
Yeah, but i got the point.

212
00:09:23,968 --> 00:09:25,300
No, you didn't.

213
00:09:26,334 --> 00:09:27,501
What?

214
00:09:27,501 --> 00:09:31,400
You mean...you mean.

215
00:09:31,400 --> 00:09:33,634
Some men are born lucky.

216
00:09:33,634 --> 00:09:36,834
Some men are born
very lucky.

217
00:09:36,834 --> 00:09:38,434
What was patrick born?

218
00:09:38,434 --> 00:09:40,033
A tripod.

219
00:09:42,601 --> 00:09:44,167
You let me dump
a tripod!

220
00:09:44,167 --> 00:09:45,334
You bitch!

221
00:09:45,334 --> 00:09:47,634
Oh, come on.
You'd have dumped him
anyway.

222
00:09:47,634 --> 00:09:49,767
There are different levels
of dumping, susan.

223
00:09:49,767 --> 00:09:51,634
There's dumping,
plain and simple,

224
00:09:51,634 --> 00:09:53,901
And there's dumping
afterwards!

225
00:09:53,901 --> 00:09:55,234
Excuse me, girls.

226
00:09:55,234 --> 00:09:58,334
Seem to have
a bit of a balance problem.

227
00:10:01,100 --> 00:10:02,767
Okay.

228
00:10:02,767 --> 00:10:04,934
Foreplay tip
number three!

229
00:10:04,934 --> 00:10:06,467
Please, jeff,
no more.

230
00:10:06,467 --> 00:10:08,801
What, you don't think
you need help here?

231
00:10:08,801 --> 00:10:11,367
Susan is no
ordinary woman.

232
00:10:11,367 --> 00:10:14,267
I don't think i need the advice
of a man who had a panic attack

233
00:10:14,267 --> 00:10:16,133
At the prospect of sex with her.

234
00:10:16,133 --> 00:10:17,667
Listen,
do yourself a favor.

235
00:10:17,667 --> 00:10:19,434
When you get to her flat,

236
00:10:19,434 --> 00:10:21,934
Check out her remote controls.

237
00:10:21,934 --> 00:10:24,167
Her what?

238
00:10:24,167 --> 00:10:26,801
Her remote controls--You know,
for her telly, her video,

239
00:10:26,801 --> 00:10:27,834
Her sound system.

240
00:10:27,834 --> 00:10:29,100
Check 'em out.

241
00:10:29,100 --> 00:10:30,300
Why?

242
00:10:30,300 --> 00:10:31,601
Are you talking about
susan's remotes?

243
00:10:31,601 --> 00:10:33,033
Oh! Oh, yeah!

244
00:10:33,033 --> 00:10:34,033
Amazing,
isn't it?

245
00:10:34,033 --> 00:10:35,267
Scary!
Scared me, too!

246
00:10:35,267 --> 00:10:38,267
I didn't realize a woman
could be that shameless!

247
00:10:38,267 --> 00:10:41,901
So...a motor show,
you say.

248
00:10:45,167 --> 00:10:48,734
<i>I thought you
didn't want to... go.</i>

249
00:10:48,734 --> 00:10:53,033
<i>I didn't realize
it was such a big one.</i>

250
00:10:55,067 --> 00:10:57,634
She'll be with you
in a moment.

251
00:10:59,701 --> 00:11:01,467
What happen to personality,
verve and humor?

252
00:11:01,467 --> 00:11:02,767
Sod them!

253
00:11:02,767 --> 00:11:04,767
After all the men
i've been out with,

254
00:11:04,767 --> 00:11:07,100
<i>I deserve a full-Size one.</i>

255
00:11:07,100 --> 00:11:10,000
Okay. But i'm not
gonna stand here

256
00:11:10,000 --> 00:11:11,601
And watch you
humiliate yourself.

257
00:11:11,601 --> 00:11:13,868
Oh, and just
one thing...
what?

258
00:11:13,868 --> 00:11:16,467
Patrick is a tory.

259
00:11:17,734 --> 00:11:18,734
What?

260
00:11:18,734 --> 00:11:20,701
Well, here we all are.

261
00:11:20,701 --> 00:11:23,801
I thought
i'd find you all here.

262
00:11:23,801 --> 00:11:26,267
How's my favorite
little ex, hmm?

263
00:11:26,267 --> 00:11:27,567
Fine.

264
00:11:27,567 --> 00:11:30,534
It such a good idea
staying friends
with ex's.

265
00:11:30,534 --> 00:11:32,801
Take it from
someone who knows.

266
00:11:32,801 --> 00:11:34,968
Friendship's
more lasting
than love,

267
00:11:34,968 --> 00:11:38,200
And more legal
than stalking.

268
00:11:38,200 --> 00:11:39,467
Oh! Everybody...

269
00:11:39,467 --> 00:11:41,667
i want you
to meet howard.

270
00:11:41,667 --> 00:11:42,667
Hi.

271
00:11:42,667 --> 00:11:43,868
Hi.
Hello.
Hi.

272
00:11:43,868 --> 00:11:46,167
Does anyone know
if that big ginger bloke

273
00:11:46,167 --> 00:11:47,934
Is still working
behind the bar here?

274
00:11:47,934 --> 00:11:49,067
Sometimes.

275
00:11:49,067 --> 00:11:50,434
Excellent.

276
00:11:50,434 --> 00:11:51,968
He's an ex of mine.

277
00:11:51,968 --> 00:11:53,968
I think i still
owe him a slap.

278
00:11:53,968 --> 00:11:55,100
I'll get the drinks.

279
00:11:56,400 --> 00:11:59,100
Oh...isn't he just perfect?

280
00:12:00,133 --> 00:12:01,534
He's gorgeous!

281
00:12:01,534 --> 00:12:04,000
Tonight he's mine.

282
00:12:04,000 --> 00:12:05,033
Jane, isn't he gay?

283
00:12:05,033 --> 00:12:07,000
Fascist!

284
00:12:07,000 --> 00:12:10,534
No! I'm just saying
he goes out with men.

285
00:12:10,534 --> 00:12:12,100
Not women, men.

286
00:12:12,100 --> 00:12:15,467
<i>Da-Da! I'm bisexual!</i>

287
00:12:15,467 --> 00:12:16,734
Howard!

288
00:12:18,367 --> 00:12:20,901
I don't want you
to get unduly excited,
but i'm off to cook.

289
00:12:20,901 --> 00:12:22,434
Great.

290
00:12:22,434 --> 00:12:23,801
You can come and watch.

291
00:12:23,801 --> 00:12:25,667
In that order.

292
00:12:26,667 --> 00:12:27,734
Great.

293
00:12:35,534 --> 00:12:36,968
( Whispering )
susan, susan.

294
00:12:38,367 --> 00:12:40,133
How tory?

295
00:12:42,033 --> 00:12:43,734
Okay. How big?

296
00:12:49,300 --> 00:12:51,067
Susan:
i think we're
almost ready.

297
00:12:52,300 --> 00:12:55,100
Don't you just love
oven timers?

298
00:12:55,100 --> 00:12:56,767
I don't think
i've got an oven.

299
00:12:56,767 --> 00:12:58,767
There's a square thing
in the kitchen,

300
00:12:58,767 --> 00:13:01,067
I always used to
put books in it

301
00:13:01,067 --> 00:13:03,267
Till there was
a slight fire incident.

302
00:13:20,133 --> 00:13:22,634
<i>Susan on video:
oh, yes! Yes!!!</i>

303
00:13:24,200 --> 00:13:26,467
Mm! I'm such
a great cook!

304
00:13:26,467 --> 00:13:28,334
Oh, i see. Right.

305
00:13:28,334 --> 00:13:30,434
You okay?

306
00:13:30,434 --> 00:13:32,501
Yeah. Just, um...

307
00:13:32,501 --> 00:13:34,567
oh, of course--
A man, a television.

308
00:13:34,567 --> 00:13:36,133
Better leave you two alone.

309
00:13:36,133 --> 00:13:38,033
Is there anything
i can do?

310
00:13:38,033 --> 00:13:40,133
Just relax.

311
00:13:40,133 --> 00:13:42,133
Shouldn't have
got you here so early.

312
00:13:42,133 --> 00:13:44,133
But if sally's going
to humiliate herself,

313
00:13:44,133 --> 00:13:47,000
I'd rather she had
as small an audience
as possible.

314
00:13:47,000 --> 00:13:48,501
My fault, really.

315
00:13:48,501 --> 00:13:51,000
I told her something
about patrick i shouldn't.

316
00:13:52,267 --> 00:13:54,534
Probably the batteries
have run out.

317
00:13:54,534 --> 00:13:55,667
Yeah, yeah.

318
00:13:55,667 --> 00:13:57,501
I'll just, um...

319
00:13:57,501 --> 00:13:59,434
they've also climbed out.

320
00:13:59,434 --> 00:14:01,734
Oh...i'll have put them
in something else.

321
00:14:01,734 --> 00:14:03,834
I'm always
running out of batteries.

322
00:14:06,000 --> 00:14:07,968
No...these are empty, too.

323
00:14:07,968 --> 00:14:11,968
Oh, hang on!
I think i know
where they ended up.

324
00:14:16,567 --> 00:14:18,300
( Loud humming noise )

325
00:14:24,100 --> 00:14:25,434
There you are.

326
00:14:26,934 --> 00:14:27,934
Thanks.

327
00:14:29,467 --> 00:14:30,834
What am i thinking?

328
00:14:30,834 --> 00:14:32,801
I've just bought
some new ones!

329
00:14:35,234 --> 00:14:36,868
Da-Da!

330
00:14:38,801 --> 00:14:40,767
Do you find
your batteries run out
really quickly?

331
00:14:40,767 --> 00:14:43,534
Well, i've never
had any complaints!

332
00:14:43,534 --> 00:14:44,968
Sorry?

333
00:14:44,968 --> 00:14:46,968
Nothing.

334
00:14:48,434 --> 00:14:51,734
Um, what was it
that you told sally
about patrick

335
00:14:51,734 --> 00:14:54,000
That you shouldn't have?

336
00:14:54,000 --> 00:14:57,267
Oh, just that my ex
is a very big boy, indeed.

337
00:14:57,267 --> 00:14:58,300
Oh...

338
00:14:58,300 --> 00:14:59,968
why don't you
watch the telly.

339
00:14:59,968 --> 00:15:02,534
I'm going to
jump in the shower.

340
00:15:06,667 --> 00:15:08,200
The thing about blair, right?

341
00:15:08,200 --> 00:15:10,067
<i>The thing about blair...</i>

342
00:15:10,067 --> 00:15:13,434
is this country ready
for a president?

343
00:15:13,434 --> 00:15:15,434
Yeah, i know
what you mean.

344
00:15:15,434 --> 00:15:16,868
He worries me, that man.

345
00:15:16,868 --> 00:15:19,234
The tories have got
to find a way

346
00:15:19,234 --> 00:15:20,334
<i>To save the country from him!</i>

347
00:15:20,334 --> 00:15:23,234
Yes...i see your point.

348
00:15:23,234 --> 00:15:25,033
Whoa. You said that all tories

349
00:15:25,033 --> 00:15:27,200
Should be drowned
in their own vomit.

350
00:15:27,200 --> 00:15:30,801
That doesn't mean
i can't see
their point of view.

351
00:15:30,801 --> 00:15:32,467
You know what
we need now?

352
00:15:32,467 --> 00:15:34,200
We need
maggie back.

353
00:15:34,200 --> 00:15:37,133
Oh, dear god!
What's wrong with
good ol' maggie?

354
00:15:37,133 --> 00:15:38,634
You can't be
against her,
can you?

355
00:15:38,634 --> 00:15:40,033
Patrick,
it had better be
enormous!

356
00:15:40,033 --> 00:15:41,267
What?

357
00:15:44,501 --> 00:15:46,100
The motor show.

358
00:15:46,100 --> 00:15:48,734
<i>It better be
a really big motor show.</i>

359
00:15:48,734 --> 00:15:51,367
What are you
suddenly bringing up
the motor show for?

360
00:15:51,367 --> 00:15:53,767
Because i have never been

361
00:15:53,767 --> 00:15:56,634
To a motor show with a tory!

362
00:15:56,634 --> 00:15:59,033
So it had better be
a really big, enormous

363
00:15:59,033 --> 00:16:00,834
<i>Throbbing motor show!</i>

364
00:16:00,834 --> 00:16:02,968
That's all i'm saying.

365
00:16:04,534 --> 00:16:06,133
( Chuckling )

366
00:16:06,133 --> 00:16:08,934
You know,
you're a lot more fun
when you're relaxed.

367
00:16:08,934 --> 00:16:11,000
Not as funny,
but a lot more fun.

368
00:16:11,000 --> 00:16:12,000
Thank you.

369
00:16:12,000 --> 00:16:13,634
What is it about men?

370
00:16:13,634 --> 00:16:16,133
I mean, you're supposed
to be the confident ones.

371
00:16:16,133 --> 00:16:17,968
<i>You're supposed
to be chasing us.</i>

372
00:16:17,968 --> 00:16:19,734
It takes some of
the excitement away

373
00:16:19,734 --> 00:16:21,534
If we keep
having to shout,
"hurry up!"

374
00:16:21,534 --> 00:16:22,667
Hang on.

375
00:16:22,667 --> 00:16:24,834
First dates
are more stressful
for men.

376
00:16:24,834 --> 00:16:27,167
For us,
it's the unknown.

377
00:16:27,167 --> 00:16:28,501
For us, too.

378
00:16:28,501 --> 00:16:32,067
No...you know
one more thing
than we do.

379
00:16:32,067 --> 00:16:33,601
What?

380
00:16:33,601 --> 00:16:35,767
Well, you know...

381
00:16:35,767 --> 00:16:38,067
i don't.

382
00:16:38,067 --> 00:16:40,100
Uh...okay.

383
00:16:40,100 --> 00:16:42,300
Um...you're on a date, right?

384
00:16:42,300 --> 00:16:43,901
Any date...

385
00:16:43,901 --> 00:16:46,033
i'm not saying this date
in particular.

386
00:16:46,033 --> 00:16:48,968
Um, the guy is wondering
if he's gonna get lucky.

387
00:16:50,334 --> 00:16:52,334
All night
that's all he's thinking.

388
00:16:52,334 --> 00:16:53,334
True.

389
00:16:53,334 --> 00:16:55,267
And the woman...

390
00:16:55,267 --> 00:16:56,467
she already knows.

391
00:16:56,467 --> 00:16:58,300
Also true.

392
00:16:58,300 --> 00:16:59,534
Ah, so you see...

393
00:16:59,534 --> 00:17:02,234
<i>we're dealing
with the unknown.</i>

394
00:17:02,234 --> 00:17:04,434
I always thought
it was because

395
00:17:04,434 --> 00:17:06,767
You were worried
about your equipment.

396
00:17:08,200 --> 00:17:09,200
My--My what?

397
00:17:09,200 --> 00:17:11,467
Oh, you know...

398
00:17:11,467 --> 00:17:14,467
if he's going to fire off
too soon or something.

399
00:17:14,467 --> 00:17:16,334
You are...

400
00:17:16,334 --> 00:17:19,234
you really are up front,
aren't you?

401
00:17:20,367 --> 00:17:22,901
I mean i, personally,
never had any worries

402
00:17:22,901 --> 00:17:26,400
About premature...
firing.

403
00:17:26,400 --> 00:17:28,334
Just about the unknown.

404
00:17:28,334 --> 00:17:29,734
Exactly.

405
00:17:31,133 --> 00:17:33,067
Steve?
Yeah?

406
00:17:33,067 --> 00:17:35,167
You're definitely
getting lucky tonight.

407
00:17:38,667 --> 00:17:41,334
Just to take the pressure off.

408
00:17:47,033 --> 00:17:50,567
( Stumbling )
well...that's great.

409
00:17:51,634 --> 00:17:53,901
Th-That's fantastic.

410
00:17:53,901 --> 00:17:56,501
Thank you.

411
00:17:56,501 --> 00:17:58,667
You're welcome.

412
00:17:58,667 --> 00:18:02,634
See, now, i...

413
00:18:02,634 --> 00:18:04,400
can...

414
00:18:04,400 --> 00:18:05,868
relax.

415
00:18:05,868 --> 00:18:07,100
Great.

416
00:18:15,033 --> 00:18:17,000
Aren't you gonna
swallow?

417
00:18:17,000 --> 00:18:19,234
Oh, yeah,
i'm gettin' there.

418
00:18:21,033 --> 00:18:23,334
Maggie thatcher,
in my opinion--

419
00:18:23,334 --> 00:18:25,834
Now, listen to this,
patrick,

420
00:18:25,834 --> 00:18:28,133
This is the voice
of an oppressed minority.

421
00:18:30,067 --> 00:18:33,133
<i>Maggie thatcher
is the best prime minister</i>

422
00:18:33,133 --> 00:18:35,968
<i>This country has ever had!</i>

423
00:18:35,968 --> 00:18:37,901
How dare you say that!

424
00:18:37,901 --> 00:18:40,601
You're gay!
You're on our side!

425
00:18:40,601 --> 00:18:43,033
Actually, sally,
howard doesn't
think of himself as gay.

426
00:18:43,033 --> 00:18:45,033
Yes, i do.

427
00:18:45,033 --> 00:18:46,767
There are no homosexuals,

428
00:18:46,767 --> 00:18:48,767
There are just people sexuals.

429
00:18:48,767 --> 00:18:50,834
No, jane.
There are definitely
homosexuals.

430
00:18:50,834 --> 00:18:52,000
Howard!

431
00:18:52,000 --> 00:18:54,000
Do you want gay men
to be labeled?

432
00:18:54,000 --> 00:18:56,000
Yes. That would be fantastic.

433
00:18:56,000 --> 00:18:59,467
Must be a lot easier
being gay.

434
00:18:59,467 --> 00:19:02,868
I mean sex must be
a piece of piss
if you're gay.

435
00:19:02,868 --> 00:19:04,801
Why is that?

436
00:19:04,801 --> 00:19:08,167
Well, 'cause,
if you're gay, right?

437
00:19:08,167 --> 00:19:11,834
<i>If you're gay,
masturbation is practice.</i>

438
00:19:14,000 --> 00:19:16,400
You know...

439
00:19:16,400 --> 00:19:18,968
you can have
a good ol' practice
on your own,

440
00:19:18,968 --> 00:19:20,501
And, you know,
when you're ready,

441
00:19:20,501 --> 00:19:22,434
When you've got
the hang of it,

442
00:19:22,434 --> 00:19:24,501
You have a go
on someone else's.

443
00:19:24,501 --> 00:19:26,033
It's a piece of piss.

444
00:19:26,033 --> 00:19:27,601
That's a very good point,
actually.

445
00:19:27,601 --> 00:19:30,200
No, it's not.
It's homophobic,
you stupid queen!

446
00:19:30,200 --> 00:19:32,934
It is not
in the least bit
homophobic.

447
00:19:32,934 --> 00:19:36,033
Hello!
There's no such thing
as homophobia!

448
00:19:36,033 --> 00:19:38,267
<i>There's just people phobia.</i>

449
00:19:38,267 --> 00:19:39,734
See, it's different.

450
00:19:39,734 --> 00:19:42,467
It's different when
you're a straight bloke.

451
00:19:42,467 --> 00:19:45,000
When we finally get our hands
on the gear,

452
00:19:45,000 --> 00:19:47,367
Let me tell you,
it's not a drill.

453
00:19:47,367 --> 00:19:50,100
Gays have got
their own practice kit,

454
00:19:50,100 --> 00:19:52,133
But you don't get
any practice women.

455
00:19:52,133 --> 00:19:53,968
We're supposed to
fly those babies

456
00:19:53,968 --> 00:19:56,567
The first time
we get in them.

457
00:19:56,567 --> 00:19:58,100
( Laughing )

458
00:19:58,100 --> 00:20:00,701
Sally: that's not funny!

459
00:20:00,701 --> 00:20:03,167
"Get in them" is not funny!

460
00:20:03,167 --> 00:20:04,767
Oh, don't be so p.C.!

461
00:20:04,767 --> 00:20:06,901
Typical lefty puritan.

462
00:20:06,901 --> 00:20:07,934
Typical what?

463
00:20:07,934 --> 00:20:09,634
Come the revolution.

464
00:20:09,634 --> 00:20:11,634
What revolution?
You guys are in power.

465
00:20:11,634 --> 00:20:13,300
We're the revolution now.

466
00:20:13,300 --> 00:20:15,467
No. No, that can't be right.

467
00:20:15,467 --> 00:20:18,667
<i>You're
the evil empire.
No!</i>

468
00:20:18,667 --> 00:20:20,501
<i>Yes. Like star wars,</i>

469
00:20:20,501 --> 00:20:23,467
And patrick and me
are the rebel alliance.

470
00:20:23,467 --> 00:20:28,000
<i>( Singing star wars theme )</i>

471
00:20:28,000 --> 00:20:31,133
No! You're not the goodies.
We're the goodies!

472
00:20:31,133 --> 00:20:33,367
We're lefties!
We're always goodies!

473
00:20:33,367 --> 00:20:36,434
<i>( Darth vader's voice )
no, sally, you are
the establishment!</i>

474
00:20:36,434 --> 00:20:39,834
Don't say that,
you bastard!

475
00:20:39,834 --> 00:20:41,901
You can't call me
bastard anymore.
That's oppressive.

476
00:20:41,901 --> 00:20:43,367
Oh, you're oppressing me!

477
00:20:46,000 --> 00:20:47,167
Are you going
to the loo?

478
00:20:47,167 --> 00:20:49,267
Yeah.
Wait and go
with patrick.

479
00:20:49,267 --> 00:20:51,534
There's something
i need to know.
What?

480
00:20:51,534 --> 00:20:53,601
Just wait
and go with patrick!

481
00:20:55,200 --> 00:20:57,434
So what about jane?

482
00:20:57,434 --> 00:20:58,534
Jane?

483
00:20:58,534 --> 00:21:01,067
You're ex.
I mean, she's
very beautiful.

484
00:21:01,067 --> 00:21:02,634
Hope i can measure up.

485
00:21:02,634 --> 00:21:05,133
I hope i can measure up
to your ex.

486
00:21:07,701 --> 00:21:10,033
Patrick.
Oh, he's sweet.

487
00:21:10,033 --> 00:21:11,501
It's always
kind of difficult

488
00:21:11,501 --> 00:21:13,534
Meeting your predecessors,
isn't it?

489
00:21:13,534 --> 00:21:14,968
Yeah. I, uh,

490
00:21:14,968 --> 00:21:17,434
I used to go out
with this girl
years ago...

491
00:21:17,434 --> 00:21:22,667
<i>her ex was
like this big,
muscle-Bound god.</i>

492
00:21:22,667 --> 00:21:26,400
I was really intimidated
till she told me that

493
00:21:26,400 --> 00:21:28,400
Every time they were
in bed together,

494
00:21:28,400 --> 00:21:31,467
And he was on his way in,
so to speak,

495
00:21:31,467 --> 00:21:33,434
He used to go

496
00:21:33,434 --> 00:21:37,133
<i>Geronimo!</i>

497
00:21:37,133 --> 00:21:40,734
After she told me that,
it wasn't really a problem.

498
00:21:40,734 --> 00:21:44,267
Yeah.
I remember patrick
doing something like that.

499
00:21:44,267 --> 00:21:45,501
Really? What?

500
00:21:45,501 --> 00:21:48,534
Well, every time
he was making an entrance,

501
00:21:48,534 --> 00:21:49,534
As it were,

502
00:21:49,534 --> 00:21:52,000
He say, "just say when."

503
00:22:04,934 --> 00:22:06,467
Anyway...

504
00:22:06,467 --> 00:22:09,234
that's enough chat.

505
00:22:09,234 --> 00:22:10,968
About ex's.

506
00:22:10,968 --> 00:22:13,734
About anything.

507
00:22:28,033 --> 00:22:29,567
Jane, i hope you don't mind.

508
00:22:29,567 --> 00:22:31,601
There's something
i need to get straight.

509
00:22:31,601 --> 00:22:33,834
Not at all.
This is much more romantic.

510
00:22:33,834 --> 00:22:35,601
Yeah. Um...

511
00:22:35,601 --> 00:22:37,534
you see,
i'm beginning to think

512
00:22:37,534 --> 00:22:41,234
There's been a bit of
a misunderstanding here.

513
00:22:41,234 --> 00:22:42,801
This is not a date.

514
00:22:42,801 --> 00:22:44,567
Oh...god!

515
00:22:44,567 --> 00:22:49,200
Oh! There has been
a misunderstanding,
howard!

516
00:22:49,200 --> 00:22:50,734
<i>This is a date!</i>

517
00:22:52,767 --> 00:22:54,667
Jane, i'm gay!

518
00:22:54,667 --> 00:22:57,367
No problem.
So am i.

519
00:22:57,367 --> 00:22:58,701
No, you're not.

520
00:22:58,701 --> 00:23:00,801
Well, i'm a little bit gay.

521
00:23:00,801 --> 00:23:03,067
And if you were,
that would be
two problems.

522
00:23:03,067 --> 00:23:04,100
Homophobe.

523
00:23:04,100 --> 00:23:05,734
No, homosexual.

524
00:23:05,734 --> 00:23:07,701
Oh, howard, i know
you're a homosexual.

525
00:23:07,701 --> 00:23:09,701
It doesn't mean you
don't go out with women

526
00:23:09,701 --> 00:23:11,334
Just like any other man.

527
00:23:14,133 --> 00:23:16,133
Look. Look over there.
Two straight men--

528
00:23:16,133 --> 00:23:18,067
They go out with women.

529
00:23:18,067 --> 00:23:20,067
You don't expect them
to go out with each other,
do you?

530
00:23:20,067 --> 00:23:23,200
Yes, of course, i do,
if it's convenient.

531
00:23:23,200 --> 00:23:25,000
No! No, you don't!

532
00:23:25,000 --> 00:23:29,300
I expect they're always
nipping off together
for a cuddle.

533
00:23:29,300 --> 00:23:32,601
It's just you
that's narrow-Minded.

534
00:23:32,601 --> 00:23:35,267
Jane, i am gay!

535
00:23:35,267 --> 00:23:37,968
<i>And i've always,
always been gay.</i>

536
00:23:37,968 --> 00:23:40,334
I was the sperm
at the back, shouting,

537
00:23:40,334 --> 00:23:45,067
"No, don't send me
into that big, scary cave!"

538
00:23:45,067 --> 00:23:48,467
I was the only sperm
that had to be chased
by the egg.

539
00:23:48,467 --> 00:23:50,434
Don't you get it?
I'm gay!

540
00:23:50,434 --> 00:23:55,434
Well, you certainly seem
to be under that impression.

541
00:23:56,934 --> 00:23:58,434
You like portillo?

542
00:23:58,434 --> 00:24:01,100
I nearly cried
when he lost
his seat.

543
00:24:01,100 --> 00:24:02,734
That's illegal!

544
00:24:04,200 --> 00:24:05,367
Hang on.

545
00:24:07,567 --> 00:24:09,100
Don't go yet!

546
00:24:09,100 --> 00:24:11,667
You've got to go
with patrick!

547
00:24:13,000 --> 00:24:14,501
You're weird!

548
00:24:14,501 --> 00:24:16,501
<i>You're weird, you are!</i>

549
00:24:16,501 --> 00:24:18,934
Man: jeff murdoch!
Is there a jeff murdoch here?

550
00:24:18,934 --> 00:24:20,534
Yeah.

551
00:24:20,534 --> 00:24:21,667
Phone call
for you.

552
00:24:21,667 --> 00:24:23,868
Now, listen--
Keep away from me!

553
00:24:28,467 --> 00:24:29,467
Hello?

554
00:24:29,467 --> 00:24:31,300
Jeff, it's steve.

555
00:24:31,300 --> 00:24:32,901
Steve! Ha ha!

556
00:24:32,901 --> 00:24:34,701
How's it going?

557
00:24:34,701 --> 00:24:36,467
Great. She's in the bathroom
doing whatever they do.

558
00:24:36,467 --> 00:24:38,567
Things are getting
seriously weird here.

559
00:24:38,567 --> 00:24:40,200
Let me tell you...

560
00:24:40,200 --> 00:24:42,934
that sally is
a really weird person.

561
00:24:42,934 --> 00:24:46,834
Whatever. Look, i need you
to do something for me.
What?

562
00:24:46,834 --> 00:24:49,968
When patrick goes to the loo,
can you go with him?

563
00:24:52,133 --> 00:24:53,501
Jeff?

564
00:24:53,501 --> 00:24:54,601
Jeff?

565
00:25:00,767 --> 00:25:02,000
Can i sit here?

566
00:25:02,000 --> 00:25:03,300
Sure,
no problem.

567
00:25:03,300 --> 00:25:06,534
It would be nice
to have someone
open-Minded

568
00:25:06,534 --> 00:25:07,767
At the table...

569
00:25:07,767 --> 00:25:09,267
someone flexible.

570
00:25:09,267 --> 00:25:10,667
It's really weird
tonight!

571
00:25:10,667 --> 00:25:13,934
People are behaving
a little oddly,
i must say.

572
00:25:13,934 --> 00:25:15,767
I'm glad someone else
has noticed.

573
00:25:15,767 --> 00:25:17,734
Oh, look, jeff...

574
00:25:17,734 --> 00:25:20,934
patrick's gone
to the loo.

575
00:25:20,934 --> 00:25:22,400
Why don't you
go with him?

576
00:25:22,400 --> 00:25:24,334
Have a bit
of a cuddle.

577
00:25:26,901 --> 00:25:28,400
I need you!

578
00:26:36,434 --> 00:26:37,434
Um...

579
00:26:37,434 --> 00:26:39,267
i was just...
mm-Hmm.

580
00:26:39,267 --> 00:26:41,100
But can it
mow the lawn?

581
00:26:43,100 --> 00:26:44,567
I think the next model up

582
00:26:44,567 --> 00:26:46,167
Comes with
a strimmer attachment.

583
00:26:46,167 --> 00:26:48,334
Do you really?

584
00:26:48,334 --> 00:26:49,834
What?

585
00:26:52,200 --> 00:26:54,801
I've got this feeling
you're getting
unrelaxed again.

586
00:26:54,801 --> 00:26:56,000
No, no!

587
00:26:57,934 --> 00:27:00,501
Don't worry.
I know just the thing.

588
00:27:19,200 --> 00:27:20,667
Now...

589
00:27:20,667 --> 00:27:22,868
let's get squelchy.

590
00:27:37,100 --> 00:27:40,300
( Romeo & juliet
love theme plays )

591
00:27:47,234 --> 00:27:48,767
Mariella!

592
00:27:48,767 --> 00:27:50,534
Angus!

593
00:27:50,534 --> 00:27:53,934
You look...
you look...

594
00:27:53,934 --> 00:27:56,000
so do you...

595
00:27:56,000 --> 00:27:57,367
oh...

596
00:27:59,534 --> 00:28:01,300
i-I'm terribly sorry.

597
00:28:01,300 --> 00:28:02,501
Are you all right?

598
00:28:02,501 --> 00:28:04,534
It's okay. It's fine.

599
00:28:04,534 --> 00:28:07,701
I'm so, so, so sorry.

600
00:28:07,701 --> 00:28:11,167
Don't worry.
It happens to
a lot of guys.

601
00:28:14,467 --> 00:28:16,234
Why did i say that?

602
00:28:19,634 --> 00:28:22,701
* if you can't
make your mind up *

603
00:28:22,701 --> 00:28:27,200
* we'll never get started *

604
00:28:28,467 --> 00:28:31,601
* and i don't want to wind up *

605
00:28:31,601 --> 00:28:33,934
* being parted *

606
00:28:33,934 --> 00:28:36,200
* broken-Hearted *

607
00:28:37,434 --> 00:28:40,901
* so if you really love me *

608
00:28:40,901 --> 00:28:42,567
* say yes *

609
00:28:42,567 --> 00:28:45,434
* and please don't tell me *

610
00:28:45,434 --> 00:28:49,200
* perhap, perhaps, perhaps *