1
00:00:00,934 --> 00:00:08,501
*
2
00:00:08,501 --> 00:00:11,367
* you won't admit
you love me *
3
00:00:11,367 --> 00:00:13,200
* and so *
4
00:00:13,200 --> 00:00:15,501
* how am i ever *
5
00:00:15,501 --> 00:00:17,400
* to know *
6
00:00:17,400 --> 00:00:20,133
* you always tell me *
7
00:00:20,133 --> 00:00:21,367
* perhaps *
8
00:00:21,367 --> 00:00:22,601
* perhaps *
9
00:00:22,601 --> 00:00:23,868
* perhaps *
10
00:00:24,934 --> 00:00:25,934
* perhaps *
11
00:00:27,133 --> 00:00:28,133
* perhaps *
12
00:00:29,334 --> 00:00:31,167
* perhaps *
13
00:00:31,167 --> 00:00:34,067
( Machine whirring )
14
00:00:42,434 --> 00:00:44,234
( Vacuum stops )
15
00:00:44,234 --> 00:00:45,868
Got here early.
16
00:00:45,868 --> 00:00:46,868
Right.
17
00:00:46,868 --> 00:00:48,567
Thought i'd tidy up
a bit.
18
00:00:50,400 --> 00:00:52,868
She was tidying up
my flat.
19
00:00:52,868 --> 00:00:54,667
Serious. Very.
20
00:00:54,667 --> 00:00:56,734
Yeah,
a buttock-Clenching moment.
21
00:00:57,868 --> 00:00:59,033
Excellent.
22
00:01:00,501 --> 00:01:01,767
What?
23
00:01:01,767 --> 00:01:04,033
Well, was she bending over
or something?
24
00:01:04,033 --> 00:01:07,133
No. I clenched
my own buttocks, patrick.
25
00:01:07,133 --> 00:01:10,367
No offense, but that's
a pretty basic mistake.
26
00:01:10,367 --> 00:01:14,033
No, i mean
i experienced fear.
27
00:01:14,033 --> 00:01:15,734
I...puckered.
28
00:01:16,734 --> 00:01:18,534
You..."puckered"?
29
00:01:18,534 --> 00:01:21,200
Yes! I-I-In a moment
of consuming terror,
30
00:01:21,200 --> 00:01:24,200
My...rear iris closed.
31
00:01:24,200 --> 00:01:25,400
What?
32
00:01:27,067 --> 00:01:29,167
Okay, imagine this,
patrick.
33
00:01:29,167 --> 00:01:30,801
Some woman
that you know, right?
34
00:01:30,801 --> 00:01:32,901
Your mother, your sister,
your girlfriend
35
00:01:32,901 --> 00:01:35,934
Is, even now,
without any advance warning,
36
00:01:35,934 --> 00:01:37,434
Tidying up your flat!
37
00:01:39,033 --> 00:01:40,868
Yeah, probably.
38
00:01:40,868 --> 00:01:43,667
No, no.
Really tidying.
39
00:01:43,667 --> 00:01:44,667
Thoroughly.
40
00:01:44,667 --> 00:01:45,767
Under your bed.
41
00:01:45,767 --> 00:01:47,501
Back of that high shelf
in your wardrobe.
42
00:01:47,501 --> 00:01:49,467
Among your video collection.
43
00:01:50,968 --> 00:01:52,467
Oh, that iris.
44
00:01:56,567 --> 00:01:57,701
New haircut?
45
00:01:57,701 --> 00:01:59,267
Yeah.
46
00:01:59,267 --> 00:02:01,167
Got a lot of big meetings
coming up, you know?
47
00:02:01,167 --> 00:02:03,467
Wanted the "hard man" look.
48
00:02:05,367 --> 00:02:06,667
Isn't it
a bit, um...
49
00:02:06,667 --> 00:02:07,767
what?
50
00:02:07,767 --> 00:02:09,067
Gay.
51
00:02:10,534 --> 00:02:13,100
This is not a gay cut.
52
00:02:13,100 --> 00:02:14,701
This is a "hard man" cut.
53
00:02:16,133 --> 00:02:18,734
What came over you?
I don't know.
54
00:02:18,734 --> 00:02:21,033
I just suddenly
had this impulse
to tidy his flat.
55
00:02:21,033 --> 00:02:22,133
It was scary.
56
00:02:22,133 --> 00:02:24,434
Maybe tidying
is true love.
57
00:02:24,434 --> 00:02:26,534
No. Oral sex.
58
00:02:26,534 --> 00:02:28,501
Yeah,
when you're still doing it
59
00:02:28,501 --> 00:02:29,834
Without preconditions.
60
00:02:29,834 --> 00:02:32,033
You do oral sex
without preconditions?
61
00:02:32,033 --> 00:02:33,534
Sure.
Absolutely.
62
00:02:33,534 --> 00:02:35,801
How do you get anything done
around the house?
63
00:02:38,567 --> 00:02:40,234
You get a man in.
64
00:02:40,234 --> 00:02:42,133
You know...
65
00:02:42,133 --> 00:02:44,667
i think i've always
misunderstood that phrase.
66
00:02:53,767 --> 00:02:55,400
Listen, i hope
you don't mind...
67
00:02:56,968 --> 00:02:58,434
i'm taping something
on your vcr.
68
00:02:58,434 --> 00:02:59,834
Fine. No problem.
69
00:02:59,834 --> 00:03:01,300
Don't worry,
i found a blank tape.
70
00:03:01,300 --> 00:03:02,400
Where?
71
00:03:02,400 --> 00:03:03,434
What?
72
00:03:03,434 --> 00:03:05,334
Where did you look
for the tape?
73
00:03:05,334 --> 00:03:07,567
It was lying by the telly,
on the floor.
74
00:03:07,567 --> 00:03:08,868
Right.
75
00:03:08,868 --> 00:03:09,868
Great.
76
00:03:12,868 --> 00:03:14,601
Oh, there was a tape
in the machine,
77
00:03:14,601 --> 00:03:16,667
But i thought
you'd probably want to keep it.
78
00:03:19,234 --> 00:03:20,834
Did you know
which tape?
79
00:03:20,834 --> 00:03:22,534
I don't take notes,
patrick.
80
00:03:22,534 --> 00:03:24,300
I don't know which tape
is in the machine
81
00:03:24,300 --> 00:03:25,534
At any given moment.
82
00:03:25,534 --> 00:03:27,901
But did you know
if it was one of--
83
00:03:27,901 --> 00:03:29,067
Those tapes.
84
00:03:29,067 --> 00:03:31,067
I couldn't remember.
85
00:03:31,067 --> 00:03:32,901
I don't keep
a self-Abuse log.
86
00:03:32,901 --> 00:03:34,601
Well,
neither do i.
87
00:03:40,968 --> 00:03:43,467
What specifically
did you tell your hairdresser?
88
00:03:43,467 --> 00:03:46,033
I said i wanted
a "hard man."
89
00:03:50,467 --> 00:03:53,267
You interfered
with a man's vcr?
90
00:03:53,267 --> 00:03:55,200
You never know
what you're gonna find.
91
00:03:55,200 --> 00:03:56,834
I found it.
92
00:04:18,067 --> 00:04:19,534
Well?
93
00:04:19,534 --> 00:04:21,200
Porn?
94
00:04:21,200 --> 00:04:22,767
Yes.
95
00:04:22,767 --> 00:04:24,267
Which one?
96
00:04:25,267 --> 00:04:26,300
Not...
97
00:04:27,300 --> 00:04:28,300
inferno?
98
00:04:28,300 --> 00:04:29,968
Inferno.
99
00:04:29,968 --> 00:04:31,334
Oh, my god.
No problem.
100
00:04:31,334 --> 00:04:32,534
What?
101
00:04:32,534 --> 00:04:34,234
As long as
she hasn't watched it.
102
00:04:34,234 --> 00:04:36,501
You can't tell anything
from a title like inferno.
103
00:04:36,501 --> 00:04:38,000
Patrick, um...
104
00:04:38,000 --> 00:04:40,434
inferno isn't the full title.
105
00:04:41,501 --> 00:04:43,234
Well, how bad can it be?
106
00:04:43,234 --> 00:04:45,767
Lesbian spank inferno?
107
00:04:48,634 --> 00:04:50,067
The thing was, though,
108
00:04:50,067 --> 00:04:52,234
I don't know if she's seen
the title on the label.
109
00:04:52,234 --> 00:04:53,667
So, how am i
supposed to play it?
110
00:04:53,667 --> 00:04:57,367
Does she now think i'm some kind
of masturbating pervert?
111
00:04:57,367 --> 00:04:58,601
You are.
112
00:04:58,601 --> 00:04:59,701
We all are.
113
00:04:59,701 --> 00:05:01,300
True.
114
00:05:03,200 --> 00:05:04,300
So...
115
00:05:05,767 --> 00:05:06,767
how are you?
116
00:05:06,767 --> 00:05:08,267
Fine. How are you?
117
00:05:08,267 --> 00:05:09,367
Great.
118
00:05:11,834 --> 00:05:13,467
How are you?
119
00:05:13,467 --> 00:05:15,400
You've already asked.
120
00:05:15,400 --> 00:05:16,434
What?
121
00:05:16,434 --> 00:05:18,234
You've just asked me
how i am, twice.
122
00:05:18,234 --> 00:05:20,200
Well...
123
00:05:24,667 --> 00:05:25,901
i love you.
124
00:05:28,234 --> 00:05:29,501
You see,
i don't know
125
00:05:29,501 --> 00:05:31,501
If he knows
if i've seen the tape.
126
00:05:31,501 --> 00:05:33,701
He said he loved you?
127
00:05:33,701 --> 00:05:34,801
It's what men do
128
00:05:34,801 --> 00:05:36,567
When there's a gap
in the conversation.
129
00:05:36,567 --> 00:05:37,901
They hate silence.
130
00:05:37,901 --> 00:05:39,167
It makes them
feel guilty.
131
00:05:39,167 --> 00:05:40,534
Pause for a second,
132
00:05:40,534 --> 00:05:42,067
And they ask you,
"what's wrong?"
133
00:05:42,067 --> 00:05:44,400
Two seconds, and they ask
if you've got your period.
134
00:05:44,400 --> 00:05:45,868
Three seconds,
and they love you.
135
00:05:45,868 --> 00:05:47,767
I went out with him
for five years.
136
00:05:47,767 --> 00:05:49,234
He never said
he loved me.
137
00:05:49,234 --> 00:05:50,934
It's easy,
if that's what you want.
138
00:05:50,934 --> 00:05:52,601
You've just got to
ride the pause.
139
00:05:52,601 --> 00:05:54,334
Trust me,
most marriage proposals
140
00:05:54,334 --> 00:05:56,868
Are the result of
a longer-Than-Average silence.
141
00:05:56,868 --> 00:05:58,801
I can't believe
he said he loved you.
142
00:05:58,801 --> 00:06:01,601
You haven't even been
going out for two months.
143
00:06:01,601 --> 00:06:04,234
I can't believe
you said you loved her.
144
00:06:04,234 --> 00:06:06,234
She wasn't even naked!
145
00:06:06,234 --> 00:06:08,334
That's not the point!
146
00:06:08,334 --> 00:06:10,367
I don't know
if she's seen the tape.
147
00:06:10,367 --> 00:06:11,667
I still don't know.
148
00:06:11,667 --> 00:06:13,734
And if she's seen it,
what does she think?
149
00:06:13,734 --> 00:06:16,400
You're worried she might
think you're a lesbian?
150
00:06:19,367 --> 00:06:21,667
Oh, wouldn't that
be great?
151
00:06:21,667 --> 00:06:23,334
What?
152
00:06:23,334 --> 00:06:25,033
Being a lesbian.
153
00:06:25,033 --> 00:06:27,467
All the advantages
of being a man
154
00:06:27,467 --> 00:06:29,567
But with less
embarrassing genitals.
155
00:06:29,567 --> 00:06:31,801
Plus, every time
you have sex,
156
00:06:31,801 --> 00:06:32,868
There's four breasts!
157
00:06:34,334 --> 00:06:36,534
Two guest breasts...
158
00:06:36,534 --> 00:06:39,334
and two you can take home
afterwards.
159
00:06:39,334 --> 00:06:42,000
Oh, it's bloody brilliant!
160
00:06:42,000 --> 00:06:43,534
I like films
with lesbians in them,
161
00:06:43,534 --> 00:06:45,167
'Cause it's nice to think
162
00:06:45,167 --> 00:06:47,334
There are attractive women
who can't find a boyfriend.
163
00:06:47,334 --> 00:06:51,300
No, patrick.
They're lesbians.
164
00:06:51,300 --> 00:06:52,767
Yeah, that's what i said.
165
00:06:52,767 --> 00:06:56,667
You have the sexual politics
of a viking attack.
166
00:06:56,667 --> 00:06:58,334
Wait, you're saying
i can't convert lesbians.
167
00:06:58,334 --> 00:06:59,701
I could convert lesbians.
168
00:06:59,701 --> 00:07:01,300
I bet patrick
can pull lesbians.
169
00:07:01,300 --> 00:07:02,400
Thank you.
170
00:07:02,400 --> 00:07:04,000
He'd confuse them
with his haircut.
171
00:07:07,000 --> 00:07:08,400
So then what happened?
172
00:07:08,400 --> 00:07:10,601
A few more
conversation gaps.
173
00:07:10,601 --> 00:07:12,300
So i did
the girlie thing.
174
00:07:13,701 --> 00:07:16,334
You know, we should
have a dinner party.
175
00:07:17,534 --> 00:07:18,567
Fine.
176
00:07:18,567 --> 00:07:19,767
But not the usual crowd.
177
00:07:19,767 --> 00:07:21,200
Let's get some
new people in.
178
00:07:22,868 --> 00:07:24,133
Good idea.
179
00:07:25,267 --> 00:07:26,334
So you'll both come,
yeah?
180
00:07:26,334 --> 00:07:28,100
Course.
Love to.
181
00:07:28,100 --> 00:07:30,567
Oh, yeah, do you guys
want to come for dinner?
182
00:07:30,567 --> 00:07:31,567
Absolutely.
Sure.
183
00:07:31,567 --> 00:07:32,567
Nice.
184
00:07:33,701 --> 00:07:35,667
Five years i went out
with that man.
185
00:07:35,667 --> 00:07:37,868
It's not that i want him
back or anything,
186
00:07:37,868 --> 00:07:40,334
It's just he never once
told me he loved me.
187
00:07:40,334 --> 00:07:42,300
He goes out
with this new woman,
188
00:07:42,300 --> 00:07:44,367
And he's in love with her
straight away.
189
00:07:44,367 --> 00:07:46,734
How does that look to people?
190
00:07:48,100 --> 00:07:49,968
I'm sure there's been staring.
191
00:07:51,801 --> 00:07:53,434
Two points.
192
00:07:53,434 --> 00:07:56,667
One--We agreed two months ago
to end your therapy
193
00:07:56,667 --> 00:07:59,267
As it was going nowhere,
remember?
194
00:07:59,267 --> 00:08:00,968
I thought that
was an exercise
195
00:08:00,968 --> 00:08:03,033
To help me cope
with rejection.
196
00:08:03,033 --> 00:08:04,934
No, that was rejection.
197
00:08:05,934 --> 00:08:07,567
Don't say that.
198
00:08:07,567 --> 00:08:10,167
You can't just barge in here
anytime you feel like it
199
00:08:10,167 --> 00:08:12,334
And talk about yourself
for 20 solid minutes.
200
00:08:12,334 --> 00:08:14,968
I'm supposed to be talking
to mr. And mrs. Tyler
201
00:08:14,968 --> 00:08:16,734
About their marital
difficulties.
202
00:08:16,734 --> 00:08:18,133
Who?
203
00:08:23,167 --> 00:08:24,934
I really think
it would be best
204
00:08:24,934 --> 00:08:26,534
If you look for treatment
elsewhere.
205
00:08:26,534 --> 00:08:28,501
I've got this
dinner party to go to,
206
00:08:28,501 --> 00:08:29,634
And they'll both be there.
207
00:08:29,634 --> 00:08:32,067
I'm not sure i can cope
without help.
208
00:08:32,067 --> 00:08:33,567
Someone else's help.
209
00:08:36,100 --> 00:08:38,000
Oh, that's good,
isn't it?
210
00:08:38,000 --> 00:08:39,400
Because, if you like animals--
211
00:08:39,400 --> 00:08:40,501
This is evasion, jane.
212
00:08:40,501 --> 00:08:42,834
I know about that.
It's in all the manuals.
213
00:08:42,834 --> 00:08:45,334
Evasion, you say?
That's interesting.
214
00:08:45,334 --> 00:08:46,367
Jane.
215
00:08:46,367 --> 00:08:48,167
Is this personal?
216
00:08:48,167 --> 00:08:49,968
Of course it isn't personal.
217
00:08:49,968 --> 00:08:53,367
Because if it isn't personal,
then we can be friends.
218
00:08:53,367 --> 00:08:57,200
I just need some friendly help
about this dinner party.
219
00:08:57,200 --> 00:09:00,501
This is, as usual,
about your fear of rejection,
220
00:09:00,501 --> 00:09:02,334
And, as usual,
221
00:09:02,334 --> 00:09:03,601
You're attempting
to manipulate me
222
00:09:03,601 --> 00:09:05,267
By emphasizing
your vulnerability.
223
00:09:05,267 --> 00:09:06,801
It's what we call
passive-Aggressive,
224
00:09:06,801 --> 00:09:09,434
And it doesn't work on me
because i'm a professional.
225
00:09:13,534 --> 00:09:15,033
Hi, steve.
226
00:09:15,033 --> 00:09:17,100
This is my friend jill.
227
00:09:18,100 --> 00:09:19,100
Hi.
228
00:09:23,901 --> 00:09:25,601
Jane's brought someone.
229
00:09:25,601 --> 00:09:26,901
I didn't say
to bring people.
230
00:09:26,901 --> 00:09:27,901
Did you?
231
00:09:27,901 --> 00:09:29,434
Well, you know jane.
232
00:09:29,434 --> 00:09:31,734
Why did she
have to bring a date?
233
00:09:31,734 --> 00:09:33,067
It's a woman.
234
00:09:33,067 --> 00:09:34,734
You mean,
it's not a date?
235
00:09:34,734 --> 00:09:38,033
Well, jane swings both ways.
I mean, it could be a date.
236
00:09:38,033 --> 00:09:39,868
Probably is.
237
00:09:39,868 --> 00:09:41,133
Both:
playstation!
238
00:09:44,467 --> 00:09:46,901
So, a lesbo couple, eh?
239
00:09:49,300 --> 00:09:51,501
And it might be best
if you killed jeff.
240
00:09:51,501 --> 00:09:53,667
Less embarrassing all around.
Yeah.
241
00:09:53,667 --> 00:09:56,100
This is real life, jeff.
242
00:09:56,100 --> 00:09:59,334
Not your sordid
little lesbian fantasy.
243
00:09:59,334 --> 00:10:01,367
Oh, and you better hide
your videos.
244
00:10:08,968 --> 00:10:11,734
I-I-I'll just..
G-Get the drinks.
245
00:10:15,868 --> 00:10:16,901
Hi.
246
00:10:16,901 --> 00:10:18,000
Hi.
247
00:10:18,000 --> 00:10:20,434
Jane's in the loo.
248
00:10:20,434 --> 00:10:21,667
Right.
249
00:10:21,667 --> 00:10:22,667
Good.
250
00:10:25,267 --> 00:10:27,200
So, you're jane's...friend.
251
00:10:27,200 --> 00:10:30,067
Well, if "friend"
is the right word.
252
00:10:30,067 --> 00:10:31,067
Oh, yes.
253
00:10:34,100 --> 00:10:35,167
You realize i'm her--
254
00:10:35,167 --> 00:10:36,601
Oh, yes, yes, yes.
255
00:10:38,033 --> 00:10:40,601
She's mentioned me, then.
Interesting.
256
00:10:40,601 --> 00:10:42,567
Well--
Not you specifically.
257
00:10:42,567 --> 00:10:44,501
But we--We assumed
she was seeing someone.
258
00:10:44,501 --> 00:10:46,934
Well, you would assume that
with jane, wouldn't you?
259
00:10:46,934 --> 00:10:48,234
She's very attractive.
260
00:10:51,400 --> 00:10:54,501
Must be a bit embarrassing
for you, being her ex.
261
00:10:54,501 --> 00:10:56,234
Obviously,
we've talked about you.
262
00:10:56,234 --> 00:10:57,667
Obviously.
263
00:10:57,667 --> 00:10:59,167
Nothing bad,
don't worry.
264
00:11:00,701 --> 00:11:01,868
So, um...
265
00:11:01,868 --> 00:11:03,968
how long have you two been...
266
00:11:03,968 --> 00:11:05,133
having sessions?
267
00:11:08,667 --> 00:11:09,701
Are you all right?
268
00:11:11,000 --> 00:11:12,834
Fine, fine.
Um...
269
00:11:12,834 --> 00:11:14,467
that was blunt,
but that's good.
270
00:11:14,467 --> 00:11:15,901
Blunt is good.
271
00:11:15,901 --> 00:11:18,133
I tried to break it off
with her a while back,
272
00:11:18,133 --> 00:11:19,801
But you know how it is
with jane.
273
00:11:19,801 --> 00:11:20,801
Oh, yes.
274
00:11:20,801 --> 00:11:22,100
She comes once a week,
275
00:11:22,100 --> 00:11:24,634
Whether i want her to
or not.
276
00:11:27,601 --> 00:11:28,801
Really?
277
00:11:28,801 --> 00:11:30,200
She's unstoppable.
278
00:11:31,434 --> 00:11:34,067
H-How does that work,
exactly?
279
00:11:34,067 --> 00:11:36,734
Once a week,
doesn't matter what i do.
280
00:11:36,734 --> 00:11:39,100
That's quite unusual,
isn't it?
281
00:11:39,100 --> 00:11:41,067
Did she do
the same thing with you
282
00:11:41,067 --> 00:11:42,067
When you were going out?
283
00:11:43,067 --> 00:11:45,501
Not on a strictly
weekly basis, no.
284
00:11:45,501 --> 00:11:47,701
I'm sorry,
am i making you nervous?
285
00:11:47,701 --> 00:11:48,901
No, no, no, no...
286
00:11:48,901 --> 00:11:50,167
no.
287
00:11:50,167 --> 00:11:52,067
Because,
sometimes what i do
288
00:11:52,067 --> 00:11:54,667
Makes people nervous
in a social context--
289
00:11:54,667 --> 00:11:55,868
Particularly men.
290
00:11:55,868 --> 00:11:58,200
Well, speaking as a man,
291
00:11:58,200 --> 00:12:01,033
I-I think you guys
have got the right idea.
292
00:12:01,033 --> 00:12:03,133
You've--You've got
the best of both worlds.
293
00:12:03,133 --> 00:12:04,667
What do you mean?
294
00:12:04,667 --> 00:12:07,300
Well, you know.
295
00:12:07,300 --> 00:12:08,634
No, i don't.
296
00:12:09,634 --> 00:12:11,033
Well, um...
297
00:12:12,400 --> 00:12:14,234
you've got four breasts!
298
00:12:16,033 --> 00:12:17,801
I'm sorry?!
No, hang on--
299
00:12:17,801 --> 00:12:19,300
This blouse isn't
particularly flattering--
300
00:12:19,300 --> 00:12:21,067
No! No!
But i really
had nothing else.
301
00:12:21,067 --> 00:12:23,133
I'm not saying
you've got four at the moment,
302
00:12:23,133 --> 00:12:24,167
Just when you're...
what?
303
00:12:24,167 --> 00:12:25,701
You know.
What?
304
00:12:25,701 --> 00:12:27,567
Y-Y-You're excited.
305
00:12:29,334 --> 00:12:32,701
You think i develop
extra breasts
when i'm excited?
306
00:12:32,701 --> 00:12:36,334
No, not so much develop.
307
00:12:36,334 --> 00:12:38,067
Acquire.
308
00:12:38,067 --> 00:12:41,634
What, in the name of god,
are you talking about?
309
00:12:43,000 --> 00:12:44,434
Sorry. Sorry.
310
00:12:44,434 --> 00:12:45,868
I've been totally sidetracked
311
00:12:45,868 --> 00:12:47,968
By the complete irrelevance
of your breasts.
312
00:12:47,968 --> 00:12:50,901
Uh, no, not that you have
irrelevant breasts.
313
00:12:50,901 --> 00:12:53,801
I mean, you've only got two,
that's for sure.
314
00:12:53,801 --> 00:12:55,334
Unless you were
some sort of cow.
315
00:12:55,334 --> 00:13:00,934
Oh, no. A very attractive cow.
A prize-Winning cow.
316
00:13:00,934 --> 00:13:03,234
But you're not a cow.
You're a person.
317
00:13:03,234 --> 00:13:05,601
But i bet you'd be
a prize-Winning person
318
00:13:05,601 --> 00:13:07,868
If they had a sort of
cattle market for women.
319
00:13:07,868 --> 00:13:10,467
A women market...
320
00:13:10,467 --> 00:13:11,968
which,
thinking about it,
321
00:13:11,968 --> 00:13:13,467
Would be a bad thing
in many ways.
322
00:13:16,901 --> 00:13:18,834
Hello, steve.
How are you?
323
00:13:18,834 --> 00:13:20,501
Fine. Great.
Absolutely.
324
00:13:20,501 --> 00:13:22,968
Ooh, could you remind
lovely susan
325
00:13:22,968 --> 00:13:24,567
That jill and i
are vegetarian?
326
00:13:24,567 --> 00:13:26,067
You're what?
327
00:13:26,067 --> 00:13:27,400
You're not
a vegetarian.
328
00:13:27,400 --> 00:13:28,934
I'm bi-Vegetarian.
329
00:13:28,934 --> 00:13:31,667
What? That doesn't exist.
It's not possible.
330
00:13:31,667 --> 00:13:34,934
I'm an emotional
vegetarian, jill.
331
00:13:34,934 --> 00:13:36,434
I know a lot of vegetarians,
332
00:13:36,434 --> 00:13:38,567
And we tend to like
the same films.
333
00:13:40,200 --> 00:13:41,834
Do you have a problem
with that?
334
00:13:41,834 --> 00:13:43,200
You can never
finish your greens,
335
00:13:43,200 --> 00:13:45,467
And you can suck a whole pig
through a straw.
336
00:13:47,734 --> 00:13:49,534
I'm not exclusively
vegetarian, jill,
337
00:13:49,534 --> 00:13:51,100
If that's
what you're trying to say.
338
00:13:51,100 --> 00:13:53,701
Vegetarianism, for me,
is about...
339
00:13:53,701 --> 00:13:56,067
saying "yes" to things,
340
00:13:56,067 --> 00:13:57,701
Even meat.
341
00:13:57,701 --> 00:13:59,033
No, it isn't.
342
00:13:59,033 --> 00:14:00,300
Look, um...
343
00:14:00,300 --> 00:14:03,167
i'll--I'll just tell susan
about the...
344
00:14:03,167 --> 00:14:04,901
vegetable thing.
345
00:14:06,767 --> 00:14:08,200
Ooh.
346
00:14:08,200 --> 00:14:10,801
We are being
mrs. Judgemental
this evening.
347
00:14:10,801 --> 00:14:12,501
How did i let you
talk me into this?
348
00:14:12,501 --> 00:14:15,234
I explained how we're
friends now, remember?
349
00:14:15,234 --> 00:14:17,000
Vividly.
350
00:14:17,000 --> 00:14:19,634
They're vegetarians.
Is that okay?
351
00:14:20,868 --> 00:14:22,701
And they're fighting.
352
00:14:22,701 --> 00:14:24,033
Didn't think
they did that.
353
00:14:24,033 --> 00:14:26,367
Well, let's hope
it doesn't get out of hand.
354
00:14:26,367 --> 00:14:27,734
We don't want it
to develop
355
00:14:27,734 --> 00:14:30,234
Into a vegetarian
spank inferno.
356
00:14:30,234 --> 00:14:31,267
Ah.
357
00:14:33,033 --> 00:14:35,167
So you were discussing
your little habit
358
00:14:35,167 --> 00:14:37,334
With your little pal,
were you?
359
00:14:37,334 --> 00:14:38,834
( Whispers )
thanks, jeff.
360
00:14:42,100 --> 00:14:44,701
Is something wrong?
361
00:14:44,701 --> 00:14:46,634
Apparently.
362
00:14:46,634 --> 00:14:47,968
You always say "apparently"
363
00:14:47,968 --> 00:14:49,601
When you're really angry
about something.
364
00:14:49,601 --> 00:14:51,501
Well,
there's a useful clue.
365
00:14:52,501 --> 00:14:53,968
Is this about the tape?
366
00:14:53,968 --> 00:14:56,000
You've known about the tape
for a week.
367
00:14:56,000 --> 00:14:57,834
Everyone's known
about the tape.
368
00:14:59,000 --> 00:15:00,200
Apparently.
369
00:15:00,200 --> 00:15:02,300
( Doorbell rings )
370
00:15:02,300 --> 00:15:04,100
I'll get that.
371
00:15:04,100 --> 00:15:06,701
How does jeff knowing
make a difference?
372
00:15:06,701 --> 00:15:08,601
Let me put it this way--
373
00:15:08,601 --> 00:15:10,367
I pride myself
on my cooking.
374
00:15:10,367 --> 00:15:12,300
Sorry?
So if you feel the need
375
00:15:12,300 --> 00:15:14,501
To nip out for a sandwich
in between courses,
376
00:15:14,501 --> 00:15:16,901
I'd be obliged if you
didn't advertise the fact.
377
00:15:16,901 --> 00:15:18,467
Right. Okay.
378
00:15:18,467 --> 00:15:20,033
Does anybody
other than jeff know?
379
00:15:20,033 --> 00:15:23,300
No, no, no.
Absolutely not, no one.
380
00:15:23,300 --> 00:15:24,634
Jane's just arrived--
381
00:15:24,634 --> 00:15:27,067
With a female girlfriend.
382
00:15:27,067 --> 00:15:28,133
Girlfriend?
383
00:15:28,133 --> 00:15:29,234
Better hide your videos.
384
00:15:29,234 --> 00:15:31,033
Oh, for christ's sake!
385
00:15:31,033 --> 00:15:32,567
Oh, thanks, patrick.
Susan--
386
00:15:32,567 --> 00:15:33,834
What did i do?
387
00:15:33,834 --> 00:15:36,467
You just told susan
you know about the tape.
388
00:15:36,467 --> 00:15:39,534
Susan told you
about the tape?
389
00:15:39,534 --> 00:15:41,167
Thanks, sally!
390
00:15:41,167 --> 00:15:43,067
Susan?!
391
00:15:43,067 --> 00:15:45,367
A vegetarian is someone
who does not eat meat,
392
00:15:45,367 --> 00:15:46,801
You insane bitch.
393
00:15:49,200 --> 00:15:50,601
I get enough
of that language
394
00:15:50,601 --> 00:15:52,300
During our sessions.
395
00:15:52,300 --> 00:15:55,300
Jack: where are you going?
At least talk to me.
396
00:15:56,934 --> 00:15:57,934
Susan.
397
00:16:03,567 --> 00:16:05,133
I love you.
398
00:16:06,734 --> 00:16:08,501
Oh, for god's sake.
399
00:16:08,501 --> 00:16:09,701
Oh, thanks.
400
00:16:51,501 --> 00:16:52,868
( Mouths words )
401
00:16:54,868 --> 00:16:56,534
( Mouths words )
402
00:17:34,534 --> 00:17:36,501
Baa!!!
403
00:17:38,934 --> 00:17:40,300
Baa!
404
00:17:40,300 --> 00:17:41,734
Baa!
405
00:17:41,734 --> 00:17:42,834
Baa!
406
00:17:42,834 --> 00:17:44,467
Baa!
407
00:17:46,267 --> 00:17:47,334
Baa!
408
00:17:48,901 --> 00:17:50,767
Baa!
409
00:17:50,767 --> 00:17:52,801
( In sheep voice )
mama.
410
00:17:52,801 --> 00:17:54,667
Baa!
411
00:17:54,667 --> 00:17:57,167
Aw...
412
00:18:06,667 --> 00:18:07,834
baa.
413
00:18:12,234 --> 00:18:14,701
If you like animals,
you'll love lamb.
414
00:18:17,167 --> 00:18:18,968
Jane, stop picking
on your date.
415
00:18:18,968 --> 00:18:20,067
Date?
416
00:18:20,067 --> 00:18:22,567
Friend, sorry.
Friend.
417
00:18:25,234 --> 00:18:26,634
So, steve...
418
00:18:26,634 --> 00:18:29,033
susan tells us
you've been using pornography.
419
00:18:39,267 --> 00:18:40,834
"Using pornography"?
420
00:18:42,100 --> 00:18:44,434
What a strange expression,
jane.
421
00:18:44,434 --> 00:18:49,501
Um, i enjoy erotica,
if that's what you mean.
422
00:18:49,501 --> 00:18:51,434
But then,
doesn't everyone?
423
00:18:51,434 --> 00:18:53,701
I certainly don't
"use pornography,"
424
00:18:53,701 --> 00:18:56,534
Whatever that means.
That makes me sound like...
425
00:18:56,534 --> 00:18:57,968
some kind of--
426
00:18:57,968 --> 00:18:59,234
Wanker?
427
00:19:02,734 --> 00:19:04,834
If you two need any help
with any issues,
428
00:19:04,834 --> 00:19:07,200
I've got a window coming up
on a weekly basis.
429
00:19:07,200 --> 00:19:09,501
If you can't stand the meat,
430
00:19:09,501 --> 00:19:10,834
Stay out of the kitchen.
431
00:19:10,834 --> 00:19:12,234
Patrick: not really qualified
432
00:19:12,234 --> 00:19:13,834
To talk to them, though,
are you?
433
00:19:13,834 --> 00:19:15,133
Not qualified?
434
00:19:15,133 --> 00:19:17,667
Yeah. Well, you know.
The, uh--
435
00:19:17,667 --> 00:19:18,934
Man-Woman thing.
436
00:19:18,934 --> 00:19:20,767
I've got a wall
full of qualifications
437
00:19:20,767 --> 00:19:22,701
About the man-Woman thing.
438
00:19:22,701 --> 00:19:24,534
Yeah,
academically qualified.
439
00:19:26,100 --> 00:19:28,133
I'll show you the list,
if you want.
440
00:19:28,133 --> 00:19:29,634
No, thanks,
not really my area.
441
00:19:31,467 --> 00:19:33,000
Oh...
442
00:19:33,000 --> 00:19:34,167
oh, i see.
443
00:19:40,801 --> 00:19:41,801
What?
444
00:19:41,801 --> 00:19:42,801
No, sorry.
445
00:19:42,801 --> 00:19:43,834
I should've realized.
446
00:19:43,834 --> 00:19:45,000
Realized what?
447
00:19:45,000 --> 00:19:46,167
No, i--
448
00:19:46,167 --> 00:19:48,501
I thought you were
with sally.
449
00:19:48,501 --> 00:19:50,367
If you're so qualified,
jill,
450
00:19:50,367 --> 00:19:51,868
Explain this one--
451
00:19:51,868 --> 00:19:54,167
If a woman thinks
something is a turn-On,
452
00:19:54,167 --> 00:19:55,801
Then it's erotica.
453
00:19:55,801 --> 00:19:57,634
If a man does,
then it's porn.
454
00:19:57,634 --> 00:19:59,767
I think you have
a somewhat blurred vision
455
00:19:59,767 --> 00:20:02,000
Of lesbian spank inferno,
steve.
456
00:20:02,000 --> 00:20:03,667
But then,
i suppose you would.
457
00:20:03,667 --> 00:20:06,067
It's an erotic film.
458
00:20:06,067 --> 00:20:07,901
It's not even a film.
459
00:20:07,901 --> 00:20:09,767
Why do you assume that?
460
00:20:09,767 --> 00:20:12,100
What makes you think
that it hasn't got a...
461
00:20:12,100 --> 00:20:13,767
proper story
and everything?
462
00:20:13,767 --> 00:20:16,400
Well, it's kind of hard to tell,
isn't it?
463
00:20:16,400 --> 00:20:19,467
Because you kind of tend
to fast-Forward
464
00:20:19,467 --> 00:20:20,868
If anyone's dressed.
465
00:20:20,868 --> 00:20:22,734
Thank you, jeff.
466
00:20:22,734 --> 00:20:24,300
Sometimes i forget
467
00:20:24,300 --> 00:20:26,701
And do that
with proper films.
468
00:20:26,701 --> 00:20:29,601
I can get through
a lot of movies in an evening.
469
00:20:29,601 --> 00:20:31,133
The point is,
470
00:20:31,133 --> 00:20:33,701
Lesbian spank inferno
does not count as erotica.
471
00:20:33,701 --> 00:20:34,701
Yes, it does.
472
00:20:34,701 --> 00:20:36,200
Of course it does.
473
00:20:36,200 --> 00:20:38,100
You've got
about 15 lesbians.
474
00:20:38,100 --> 00:20:40,334
It's porn.
475
00:20:40,334 --> 00:20:41,834
Well, i don't call it porn.
476
00:20:41,834 --> 00:20:43,534
You called it porn
in the pub.
477
00:20:44,534 --> 00:20:46,434
Get a new haircut,
patrick.
478
00:20:46,434 --> 00:20:48,400
Will you stop going on
about my haircut?
479
00:20:48,400 --> 00:20:50,501
What's wrong with it?
I think it's lovely.
480
00:20:50,501 --> 00:20:52,534
Thank you.
And it really suits you.
481
00:20:52,534 --> 00:20:54,234
You're the only person
who does like it.
482
00:20:54,234 --> 00:20:58,200
Oh, i bet you know
lots of people who like it.
483
00:21:00,801 --> 00:21:03,801
Okay, okay--
484
00:21:03,801 --> 00:21:06,667
What makes an erotic film
any different from porn?
485
00:21:06,667 --> 00:21:09,634
A plot you can't summarize
in diagrams.
486
00:21:09,634 --> 00:21:11,100
Yeah--For instance?
487
00:21:11,100 --> 00:21:12,734
What film is erotic?
488
00:21:12,734 --> 00:21:15,234
Well, i found the piano
very erotic.
489
00:21:15,234 --> 00:21:17,033
Oh, come on.
Thepiano?
490
00:21:17,033 --> 00:21:18,501
All men
hate that film.
491
00:21:18,501 --> 00:21:20,267
Well, i liked it.
492
00:21:20,267 --> 00:21:22,033
Holly hunter was naked
for most of it.
493
00:21:23,801 --> 00:21:25,567
She was nude
in one scene.
494
00:21:25,567 --> 00:21:27,133
Depends how you watch it.
495
00:21:28,934 --> 00:21:31,300
No, now, the thing is
you just assume,
496
00:21:31,300 --> 00:21:33,033
Without even watching it,
497
00:21:33,033 --> 00:21:36,300
That lesbian spank inferno
isn't a proper, grown-Up film,
498
00:21:36,300 --> 00:21:39,601
Albeit...
with some adult content.
499
00:21:39,601 --> 00:21:41,834
No, i'll tell you
what the thing is--
500
00:21:41,834 --> 00:21:43,434
You assume
i didn't watch it.
501
00:21:49,901 --> 00:21:51,400
I love you.
502
00:21:53,801 --> 00:21:54,834
Prove it.
503
00:21:54,834 --> 00:21:56,367
How?
504
00:21:56,367 --> 00:21:58,534
Tell everyone here,
505
00:21:58,534 --> 00:22:00,834
In a reasonable amount
of detail,
506
00:22:00,834 --> 00:22:02,968
The story of
lesbian spank inferno.
507
00:22:02,968 --> 00:22:04,701
Come on,
tell us the moving tale
508
00:22:04,701 --> 00:22:06,934
Of the 15 spanking lesbians.
509
00:22:06,934 --> 00:22:08,801
You know,
i have never understood
510
00:22:08,801 --> 00:22:10,834
The male obsession
with lesbianism.
511
00:22:10,834 --> 00:22:14,033
A whole area of sex
with nothing for them to do.
512
00:22:14,033 --> 00:22:15,767
Just answered
my own question,
513
00:22:15,767 --> 00:22:16,901
Haven't i?
514
00:22:22,033 --> 00:22:23,567
I think they like
to imagine
515
00:22:23,567 --> 00:22:25,601
They can get in there
and convert them.
516
00:22:25,601 --> 00:22:26,634
Exactly.
517
00:22:26,634 --> 00:22:28,234
I'm surprised
someone like you
518
00:22:28,234 --> 00:22:29,901
Would think that
gay people could be
519
00:22:29,901 --> 00:22:32,501
So easily diverted
from their sexuality.
520
00:22:32,501 --> 00:22:34,334
Conversion can happen,
course it can.
521
00:22:34,334 --> 00:22:35,601
You think so?
522
00:22:35,601 --> 00:22:38,100
Sure, it's just a matter
of meeting the right person.
523
00:22:38,100 --> 00:22:40,834
Well, that's
a rather unusual view.
524
00:22:41,834 --> 00:22:43,000
In fact--
525
00:22:43,000 --> 00:22:44,701
It's just a matter of...
526
00:22:44,701 --> 00:22:46,901
sitting next to
the right person at dinner.
527
00:22:49,567 --> 00:22:50,667
Well,
that's very flattering.
528
00:22:51,934 --> 00:22:53,601
You agree with me,
then?
529
00:22:53,601 --> 00:22:55,968
Well, i don't know
if i agree with you, exactly,
530
00:22:55,968 --> 00:22:58,901
But, um...but i think
you're very kind.
531
00:22:58,901 --> 00:23:00,234
Really?
532
00:23:04,834 --> 00:23:07,834
Anyway, i think steve
was gonna tell us all a story.
533
00:23:07,834 --> 00:23:09,434
Unless, of course,
he's too embarrassed.
534
00:23:11,434 --> 00:23:12,834
Steve: okay, um...
535
00:23:14,634 --> 00:23:17,267
lesbian spank inferno...
536
00:23:17,267 --> 00:23:20,834
opens with
five lesbian filmmakers.
537
00:23:20,834 --> 00:23:22,834
Um, a collective,
you might say,
538
00:23:22,834 --> 00:23:24,200
Who are having
a competition
539
00:23:24,200 --> 00:23:28,067
To see who can make
the best lesbian film.
540
00:23:28,067 --> 00:23:29,601
Filmmakers?
541
00:23:29,601 --> 00:23:31,567
Yup.
Independent filmmakers.
542
00:23:31,567 --> 00:23:33,300
Meaning?
543
00:23:33,300 --> 00:23:36,000
Meaning they're not
the kind of girls
544
00:23:36,000 --> 00:23:38,501
Who want to deal
with the studio bosses,
545
00:23:38,501 --> 00:23:40,200
The focus groups,
546
00:23:40,200 --> 00:23:42,801
All that
industry schmoozing.
547
00:23:42,801 --> 00:23:44,868
Meaning they've got cameras
in their bedrooms.
548
00:23:44,868 --> 00:23:47,667
So neatly avoiding
the whole studio system.
549
00:23:47,667 --> 00:23:49,701
Very clever.
550
00:23:49,701 --> 00:23:52,667
Yes. So, during
the opening act of the film,
551
00:23:52,667 --> 00:23:54,467
They're meeting up
to see each other's films
552
00:23:54,467 --> 00:23:57,667
And see who did
the best one.
553
00:23:57,667 --> 00:24:00,067
And i'm guessing
we see all the films.
554
00:24:00,067 --> 00:24:01,067
Exactly.
555
00:24:01,067 --> 00:24:03,000
We see each film...
556
00:24:03,000 --> 00:24:06,934
within a film,
as the...
557
00:24:06,934 --> 00:24:08,968
tension mounts.
558
00:24:08,968 --> 00:24:12,534
Do those films
have plots, too?
559
00:24:14,033 --> 00:24:15,267
W-W-Well, no.
560
00:24:15,267 --> 00:24:16,801
They're more sort of...
561
00:24:16,801 --> 00:24:18,167
mood pieces.
562
00:24:19,367 --> 00:24:20,801
Expressionistic?
563
00:24:20,801 --> 00:24:23,100
Very much so.
At the top of their voices.
564
00:24:23,100 --> 00:24:25,501
Yes. Thank you, jeff.
You can stop helping me now.
565
00:24:26,534 --> 00:24:27,801
So, basically,
um...
566
00:24:27,801 --> 00:24:29,901
they watch the films,
they pick a winner.
567
00:24:29,901 --> 00:24:31,667
That's the movie.
There you go.
568
00:24:31,667 --> 00:24:33,334
And what does
the winner get?
569
00:24:33,334 --> 00:24:35,534
Isn't she presented
with a trophy, or something?
570
00:24:36,601 --> 00:24:37,934
Well, yeah, yeah.
Um...
571
00:24:37,934 --> 00:24:39,701
she gets a sort of trophy,
yes.
572
00:24:39,701 --> 00:24:41,033
Trophy?
573
00:24:42,734 --> 00:24:44,033
Oh, that.
574
00:24:45,033 --> 00:24:46,400
What kind of trophy?
575
00:24:46,400 --> 00:24:47,734
Three speeds.
576
00:24:47,734 --> 00:24:50,033
Yes, you can stop helping me
now, jeff.
577
00:24:51,300 --> 00:24:52,667
What about the spanking?
578
00:24:52,667 --> 00:24:54,701
Not a lot of spanking there,
you know?
579
00:24:54,701 --> 00:24:56,367
Thank you
for bringing that up, patrick.
580
00:24:56,367 --> 00:24:58,334
God knows it might have
slipped by unnoticed.
581
00:24:58,334 --> 00:24:59,501
No problem.
582
00:24:59,501 --> 00:25:01,234
So,
the spanking then?
583
00:25:03,334 --> 00:25:04,701
Well, um...
584
00:25:04,701 --> 00:25:07,400
as a spur to, uh,
future excellence
585
00:25:07,400 --> 00:25:09,734
Amongst the lesbian
film collective,
586
00:25:09,734 --> 00:25:12,334
They decide that
the loser,
587
00:25:12,334 --> 00:25:14,901
The one who made
the worst film...
588
00:25:17,400 --> 00:25:19,534
better have
a bit of a spanking.
589
00:25:22,801 --> 00:25:24,834
She must be
a bit pissed off.
590
00:25:26,033 --> 00:25:28,000
Oddly enough,
she suggests it.
591
00:25:28,000 --> 00:25:29,701
She suggests it?
592
00:25:29,701 --> 00:25:31,367
She's very dedicated.
593
00:25:33,400 --> 00:25:36,367
Oh, it's not much of
an inferno, though, is it?
594
00:25:36,367 --> 00:25:37,868
One person?
595
00:25:37,868 --> 00:25:40,100
It goes on a bit.
596
00:25:40,100 --> 00:25:42,167
Why is that, exactly?
597
00:25:42,167 --> 00:25:44,100
Very strict collective,
is it?
598
00:25:45,100 --> 00:25:46,901
Well, she keeps saying...
599
00:25:48,234 --> 00:25:49,667
"Ooh. Don't stop."
600
00:25:50,801 --> 00:25:52,067
Why?
601
00:25:52,067 --> 00:25:54,567
I think she feels quite badly
about her film.
602
00:25:56,801 --> 00:25:58,901
Still not much
of an inferno, steve.
603
00:26:00,033 --> 00:26:02,467
Well, then the winner says,
um...
604
00:26:02,467 --> 00:26:04,901
"ooh, i want a spanking, too."
605
00:26:04,901 --> 00:26:06,634
Why?
606
00:26:06,634 --> 00:26:09,534
Two people.
Still not much of an inferno.
607
00:26:10,601 --> 00:26:12,968
Well, then they all decide
608
00:26:12,968 --> 00:26:14,868
That they want
a bit of a spanking.
609
00:26:16,200 --> 00:26:17,267
Yeah, but why?
610
00:26:18,734 --> 00:26:19,801
Sisterhood?
611
00:26:21,367 --> 00:26:23,133
Oh, god.
612
00:26:23,133 --> 00:26:25,968
How could you possibly
enjoy a film like that?
613
00:26:25,968 --> 00:26:28,434
Oh, because it's got
naked women in it!!!
614
00:26:28,434 --> 00:26:30,868
Look,
i like naked women.
615
00:26:30,868 --> 00:26:32,067
I'm a bloke.
616
00:26:32,067 --> 00:26:34,267
I'm supposed to like them.
We're born like that.
617
00:26:34,267 --> 00:26:38,200
We like naked women as soon
as we're pulled out of one.
618
00:26:38,200 --> 00:26:41,067
Halfway down the birth canal,
we're already enjoying the view.
619
00:26:42,634 --> 00:26:45,000
Look,
it is the four pillars
620
00:26:45,000 --> 00:26:46,601
Of the male
heterosexual psyche.
621
00:26:46,601 --> 00:26:49,534
We like naked women,
stockings, lesbians,
622
00:26:49,534 --> 00:26:51,567
And sean connery best
as james bond,
623
00:26:51,567 --> 00:26:53,601
Because that is what
being a boy is,
624
00:26:53,601 --> 00:26:57,000
And if you don't like it,
darling, join a film collective.
625
00:26:57,000 --> 00:26:58,868
I want to spend
the rest of my life
626
00:26:58,868 --> 00:27:01,033
With the woman
at the end of the table,
627
00:27:01,033 --> 00:27:03,067
But that does not stop me
wanting to see
628
00:27:03,067 --> 00:27:05,801
Several thousand more
naked bottoms before i die.
629
00:27:05,801 --> 00:27:07,634
Because that's what
being a bloke is.
630
00:27:07,634 --> 00:27:12,234
When man invented fire
he didn't say, "let's cook!"
631
00:27:12,234 --> 00:27:15,868
He said, "great, now we can see
naked bottoms in the dark."
632
00:27:15,868 --> 00:27:18,901
As soon as caxton invented
the printing press,
633
00:27:18,901 --> 00:27:20,834
We were using it
to make pictures of--
634
00:27:20,834 --> 00:27:22,901
Hey--Naked bottoms!
635
00:27:22,901 --> 00:27:25,834
We've turned the internet
into an enormous
636
00:27:25,834 --> 00:27:29,200
International database
of naked bottoms.
637
00:27:29,200 --> 00:27:31,334
So, you see,
the story of male achievement
638
00:27:31,334 --> 00:27:32,567
Through the ages,
639
00:27:32,567 --> 00:27:33,901
Feeble though it may have been,
640
00:27:33,901 --> 00:27:35,501
Has been the story of
our struggle
641
00:27:35,501 --> 00:27:37,567
To get a better look
at your bottoms.
642
00:27:37,567 --> 00:27:39,567
Frankly, girls,
i'm not sure how insulted
643
00:27:39,567 --> 00:27:41,868
You really ought to be.
644
00:27:44,400 --> 00:27:45,934
Go,
you're the man!
645
00:27:49,434 --> 00:27:51,267
The rest of your life?
646
00:27:51,267 --> 00:27:52,734
What?
647
00:27:52,734 --> 00:27:54,701
You want to spend
the rest of your life with me?
648
00:27:57,868 --> 00:27:59,100
Yeah.
649
00:28:02,934 --> 00:28:05,033
Is wednesday
good for you?
650
00:28:08,133 --> 00:28:11,000
* if you can't
make your mind up *
651
00:28:11,000 --> 00:28:15,834
* we'll never get started *
652
00:28:17,000 --> 00:28:19,968
* and i don't wanna wind up *
653
00:28:19,968 --> 00:28:22,167
* being parted *
654
00:28:22,167 --> 00:28:24,701
* brokenhearted *
655
00:28:26,033 --> 00:28:29,400
* so if you really love me *
656
00:28:29,400 --> 00:28:31,067
* say yes *
657
00:28:31,067 --> 00:28:33,968
* and please don't tell me *
658
00:28:33,968 --> 00:28:34,968
* perhaps *
659
00:28:34,968 --> 00:28:37,300
* perhaps, perhaps *
660
00:28:37,300 --> 00:28:40,968
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