1
00:00:00,968 --> 00:00:02,968
*

2
00:00:08,400 --> 00:00:11,334
* you won't admit you love me *

3
00:00:11,334 --> 00:00:13,434
* and so *

4
00:00:13,434 --> 00:00:16,067
* how am i ever *

5
00:00:16,067 --> 00:00:17,934
* to know *

6
00:00:17,934 --> 00:00:20,501
* you always tell me *

7
00:00:20,501 --> 00:00:23,868
* perhaps, perhaps, perhaps *

8
00:00:24,968 --> 00:00:27,067
* perhaps *

9
00:00:27,067 --> 00:00:29,300
* perhaps *

10
00:00:29,300 --> 00:00:31,167
* perhaps *

11
00:00:33,801 --> 00:00:35,033
hi.

12
00:00:35,033 --> 00:00:36,300
Hi.

13
00:00:41,534 --> 00:00:42,834
So...

14
00:00:42,834 --> 00:00:44,634
Who's <i>Julia?</i>

15
00:00:44,634 --> 00:00:47,801
She joined the firm
about two months ago.

16
00:00:47,801 --> 00:00:50,200
Really senior,
really High up.

17
00:00:50,200 --> 00:00:51,200
Yeah, and...

18
00:00:51,200 --> 00:00:52,868
And <i>amazing.</i>

19
00:00:52,868 --> 00:00:54,067
Gorgeous!

20
00:00:54,067 --> 00:00:56,234
Like Alison
from the red lion.

21
00:00:56,234 --> 00:00:59,067
Only more eyes.

22
00:00:59,067 --> 00:01:00,534
More eyes?

23
00:01:00,534 --> 00:01:02,834
Amazing eyes,
top-of-the-range eyes.

24
00:01:02,834 --> 00:01:04,367
But just two, Jeff.

25
00:01:04,367 --> 00:01:05,901
You haven't
seen them, Steve.

26
00:01:05,901 --> 00:01:07,667
It's like...
She's got hundreds.

27
00:01:07,667 --> 00:01:08,834
Right.

28
00:01:08,834 --> 00:01:10,634
Oh, and her breasts...

29
00:01:10,634 --> 00:01:13,300
( panting )
Steve...her breasts.

30
00:01:13,300 --> 00:01:16,167
I take it
she's got breasts?

31
00:01:16,167 --> 00:01:17,834
Covered in 'em.

32
00:01:27,300 --> 00:01:28,501
So who is it?

33
00:01:28,501 --> 00:01:30,033
I'm not saying.

34
00:01:30,033 --> 00:01:31,601
But it's someone
from the office, then?

35
00:01:31,601 --> 00:01:33,067
I'm not telling you.

36
00:01:33,067 --> 00:01:34,367
Oh, describe him.

37
00:01:34,367 --> 00:01:36,501
He's...edible.

38
00:01:36,501 --> 00:01:38,167
( chuckling )

39
00:01:38,167 --> 00:01:40,434
so, there was
a cupboard incident?

40
00:01:40,434 --> 00:01:41,467
What happened?

41
00:01:41,467 --> 00:01:43,601
Nothing happened...

42
00:01:43,601 --> 00:01:44,801
Nothing.

43
00:01:44,801 --> 00:01:46,400
Nothing?

44
00:01:46,400 --> 00:01:48,133
Absolutely nothing...

45
00:01:49,400 --> 00:01:50,801
<i>-Ish.</i>

46
00:01:55,400 --> 00:01:59,400
And...i just thought
i could kiss this man.

47
00:01:59,400 --> 00:02:00,934
And did you?

48
00:02:00,934 --> 00:02:04,200
Well, you know how sometimes
you just <i>don't.</i>

49
00:02:04,200 --> 00:02:05,200
No.

50
00:02:05,200 --> 00:02:06,801
No.
No.

51
00:02:06,801 --> 00:02:08,267
Okay...

52
00:02:08,267 --> 00:02:10,834
You know,
it's someone at work.

53
00:02:10,834 --> 00:02:12,667
And someone really <i>junior</i> to me.

54
00:02:12,667 --> 00:02:15,100
Is it ever really acceptable
to kiss someone

55
00:02:15,100 --> 00:02:16,968
in those circumstances?

56
00:02:16,968 --> 00:02:19,300
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.

57
00:02:19,300 --> 00:02:21,033
Okay.

58
00:02:21,033 --> 00:02:22,801
Kevin from
the photocopy place.

59
00:02:22,801 --> 00:02:24,300
Kevin, yes.
Put him down.

60
00:02:24,300 --> 00:02:25,434
Sorry?

61
00:02:25,434 --> 00:02:26,734
Different conversation.

62
00:02:26,734 --> 00:02:28,534
So who is this guy?
Tell us.

63
00:02:28,534 --> 00:02:30,267
No way am i telling you.

64
00:02:30,267 --> 00:02:33,400
All right.
Well, at least tell us
if you kissed him or not.

65
00:02:33,400 --> 00:02:34,467
Well...

66
00:02:43,701 --> 00:02:45,968
Sorry.

67
00:02:45,968 --> 00:02:48,534
Why did you do that?

68
00:02:48,534 --> 00:02:51,601
I'm sorry.
I-i just...

69
00:02:51,601 --> 00:02:52,968
I'm really sorry.

70
00:02:52,968 --> 00:02:54,701
That was the wrong thing to do,
wasn't it?

71
00:02:54,701 --> 00:02:58,968
Um...yeah.
Yes, it was.

72
00:02:58,968 --> 00:03:01,701
I should've, um...
You know...

73
00:03:01,701 --> 00:03:04,167
Flossed.
Asked.

74
00:03:05,767 --> 00:03:08,434
Well, you know, both.

75
00:03:10,367 --> 00:03:12,467
I hope it wasn't
too dreadful for you.

76
00:03:12,467 --> 00:03:15,601
Maybe you don't have to
moisten quite so much.

77
00:03:16,767 --> 00:03:17,901
Right.

78
00:03:17,901 --> 00:03:19,501
Thank you.
G-good tip.

79
00:03:19,501 --> 00:03:22,234
It's just a thought.

80
00:03:23,501 --> 00:03:26,501
I'll bear it in mind.

81
00:03:28,234 --> 00:03:30,400
You were at
the canteen today,
weren't you?

82
00:03:30,400 --> 00:03:34,234
Yes. I was at the next table.
I didn't think you'd noticed me.

83
00:03:34,234 --> 00:03:37,033
I didn't, actually.

84
00:03:37,033 --> 00:03:39,767
But I'd know that lasagna
anywhere.

85
00:03:41,801 --> 00:03:43,267
Hey...hey.

86
00:03:44,667 --> 00:03:46,300
No? Lasagna?

87
00:03:46,300 --> 00:03:48,300
( laughing )

88
00:03:50,667 --> 00:03:51,667
that's terrible.

89
00:03:51,667 --> 00:03:52,868
That's awful.

90
00:03:52,868 --> 00:03:55,267
That exact thing
happened to me once.

91
00:03:55,267 --> 00:03:57,334
And it was lasagna
with me, too.

92
00:03:57,334 --> 00:03:59,267
It's my worst ever memory.

93
00:03:59,267 --> 00:04:01,167
He just
went off laughing?

94
00:04:01,167 --> 00:04:02,300
Oh, my God.

95
00:04:02,300 --> 00:04:05,033
No! None of that
actually happened.

96
00:04:05,033 --> 00:04:06,901
I never kissed him.

97
00:04:06,901 --> 00:04:07,968
Oh.

98
00:04:07,968 --> 00:04:10,300
That was what was going
through my mind.

99
00:04:10,300 --> 00:04:11,634
That's <i>why</i> i didn't kiss him.

100
00:04:11,634 --> 00:04:12,901
Oh, i see.

101
00:04:12,901 --> 00:04:14,501
Of course.

102
00:04:14,501 --> 00:04:15,667
Hang on.

103
00:04:15,667 --> 00:04:17,801
That lasagna thing
didn't happen to me either.

104
00:04:17,801 --> 00:04:20,133
It was...
Somebody else.

105
00:04:20,133 --> 00:04:22,567
I remembered it by mistake.

106
00:04:23,567 --> 00:04:25,100
So you didn't kiss him.

107
00:04:25,100 --> 00:04:26,501
What did happen?

108
00:04:26,501 --> 00:04:27,734
Well...

109
00:04:27,734 --> 00:04:29,767
N.a.t.

110
00:04:29,767 --> 00:04:30,834
What?

111
00:04:30,834 --> 00:04:32,968
Couldn't be certain.
It was very slight,

112
00:04:32,968 --> 00:04:35,801
but i think
there was detectable n.a.t.

113
00:04:35,801 --> 00:04:37,000
Detectable what?

114
00:04:38,167 --> 00:04:40,133
The first step along the path

115
00:04:40,133 --> 00:04:42,000
to the forest of woman.

116
00:04:43,567 --> 00:04:45,601
The first signpost
along the road

117
00:04:45,601 --> 00:04:47,334
to intimate squelching.

118
00:04:50,934 --> 00:04:52,467
N.a.t.?

119
00:04:54,067 --> 00:04:57,501
Nose avoidance tilting.

120
00:05:09,601 --> 00:05:11,834
Sorry...

121
00:05:11,834 --> 00:05:13,534
What are you doing?
Why did you do that?

122
00:05:13,534 --> 00:05:15,634
I'm really, really sorry.

123
00:05:15,634 --> 00:05:17,234
You kissed me.

124
00:05:17,234 --> 00:05:19,934
You touched me with your mouth.

125
00:05:19,934 --> 00:05:21,234
It was an accident.

126
00:05:21,234 --> 00:05:22,534
You kissed me. You did!

127
00:05:22,534 --> 00:05:25,100
No! I was just moving my mouth
in your general area,

128
00:05:25,100 --> 00:05:27,501
and it...snagged.

129
00:05:27,501 --> 00:05:30,734
I can't believe this.
This is horrible!

130
00:05:30,734 --> 00:05:33,934
Oh, my God!
Were you thinking of
putting your tongue in?

131
00:05:33,934 --> 00:05:36,033
No! No! Not my tongue!

132
00:05:36,033 --> 00:05:38,300
You were!
You were thinking of
putting your tongue in!

133
00:05:38,300 --> 00:05:39,367
Boss: All right.

134
00:05:39,367 --> 00:05:40,367
What's going on here?

135
00:05:40,367 --> 00:05:41,467
It's Jeff.

136
00:05:41,467 --> 00:05:42,701
He...kissed me.

137
00:05:42,701 --> 00:05:46,200
Jeff kissed you?
That's disgusting!

138
00:05:46,200 --> 00:05:48,334
I think he was going to
put his tongue in!

139
00:05:48,334 --> 00:05:49,334
His tongue!

140
00:05:49,334 --> 00:05:50,400
What's happening?

141
00:05:50,400 --> 00:05:51,467
Jeff's kissed someone!

142
00:05:51,467 --> 00:05:52,534
Oh, my God!

143
00:05:52,534 --> 00:05:54,300
And he was
going to put
his tongue in!

144
00:05:54,300 --> 00:05:55,934
His tongue?!

145
00:05:55,934 --> 00:05:56,934
It's not true!

146
00:05:56,934 --> 00:05:59,300
I never use my tongue
on people!

147
00:05:59,300 --> 00:06:02,534
It's just for stamps
and emergencies.

148
00:06:04,234 --> 00:06:05,868
We'll take over
from here.

149
00:06:07,567 --> 00:06:09,934
We're bringing in
Jeff murdoch.

150
00:06:09,934 --> 00:06:11,601
He kissed a woman.

151
00:06:11,601 --> 00:06:13,501
Radio dispatch: <i> S she okay?!</i>

152
00:06:13,501 --> 00:06:14,968
We were only
just in time.

153
00:06:14,968 --> 00:06:19,334
He was about to put
his <i>tongue</i> in.

154
00:06:19,334 --> 00:06:23,601
Woman: Your <i>tongue--</i>
you were actually thinking,

155
00:06:23,601 --> 00:06:25,767
actually contemplating--

156
00:06:25,767 --> 00:06:27,133
no! No!

157
00:06:27,133 --> 00:06:29,334
What makes you think
any woman alive

158
00:06:29,334 --> 00:06:32,067
would want your <i>hideous,</i>

159
00:06:32,067 --> 00:06:35,400
your revolting,
your disgusting
tongue!

160
00:06:35,400 --> 00:06:37,868
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.

161
00:06:37,868 --> 00:06:40,367
I'm sorry what?

162
00:06:40,367 --> 00:06:42,434
I'm sorry, mother!

163
00:06:42,434 --> 00:06:45,067
Let's do it!

164
00:06:46,234 --> 00:06:48,334
No! No!

165
00:06:48,334 --> 00:06:50,334
No!

166
00:06:50,334 --> 00:06:51,334
No!

167
00:06:51,334 --> 00:06:53,901
No!

168
00:06:57,701 --> 00:06:59,534
That's what you thought
would happen

169
00:06:59,534 --> 00:07:00,834
if you kissed her?

170
00:07:00,834 --> 00:07:02,834
You think
if you kiss a woman,

171
00:07:02,834 --> 00:07:06,400
your mother will emasculate you
with a miniature guillotine?

172
00:07:06,400 --> 00:07:09,834
I know. Mothers, eh?

173
00:07:09,834 --> 00:07:12,467
So you didn't
kiss her, then?

174
00:07:12,467 --> 00:07:13,868
Didn't you find your mother

175
00:07:13,868 --> 00:07:16,167
would always turn up
in your bedroom doorway

176
00:07:16,167 --> 00:07:17,667
at the worst possible moment

177
00:07:17,667 --> 00:07:21,334
and say, <i>"oh, Jeffrey!"</i>

178
00:07:21,334 --> 00:07:24,901
Yeah, well,
not being called Jeffrey...

179
00:07:24,901 --> 00:07:26,968
<i>"Oh, Jeffrey!"</i>

180
00:07:26,968 --> 00:07:28,868
Always so disappointed.

181
00:07:28,868 --> 00:07:30,567
Anyway, moving on.

182
00:07:30,567 --> 00:07:33,767
She didn't really have
a miniature guillotine,
you know.

183
00:07:33,767 --> 00:07:35,801
I'm sure she was making that up.

184
00:07:38,067 --> 00:07:40,534
Leaving your mother behind
for a moment...

185
00:07:40,534 --> 00:07:42,133
<i>"Oh, Jeffrey!"</i>

186
00:07:42,133 --> 00:07:43,868
Jeff, concentrate!

187
00:07:43,868 --> 00:07:45,100
Focus.

188
00:07:45,100 --> 00:07:47,167
You, Julia,
the cupboard.

189
00:07:47,167 --> 00:07:49,467
What happened?

190
00:07:54,334 --> 00:07:55,968
I'd better just...

191
00:07:55,968 --> 00:07:57,534
Yeah, of course.

192
00:07:57,534 --> 00:07:59,033
Better be going.
Sure, yeah.

193
00:07:59,033 --> 00:08:00,501
Let me, um...

194
00:08:00,501 --> 00:08:02,634
Oh, thank you.

195
00:08:02,634 --> 00:08:04,200
Well, bye, then.

196
00:08:04,200 --> 00:08:05,501
Bye.

197
00:08:05,501 --> 00:08:06,501
Bye.

198
00:08:06,501 --> 00:08:07,868
Bye.

199
00:08:21,501 --> 00:08:23,000
Um...

200
00:08:24,467 --> 00:08:27,601
Didn't you want to come out
of the cupboard, too?

201
00:08:27,601 --> 00:08:30,167
No, no, um...

202
00:08:30,167 --> 00:08:33,167
I thought i might
stay for a bit...

203
00:08:33,167 --> 00:08:35,000
A couple of minutes.

204
00:08:35,000 --> 00:08:38,334
I don't want to, um,
you know, rush it.

205
00:08:39,367 --> 00:08:40,834
Okay.

206
00:08:40,834 --> 00:08:41,834
Bye.

207
00:08:41,834 --> 00:08:43,601
Bye.

208
00:08:43,601 --> 00:08:45,133
Bye.

209
00:08:45,133 --> 00:08:46,167
Bye.

210
00:08:52,567 --> 00:08:53,934
( exhales deeply )

211
00:08:53,934 --> 00:08:55,567
excellent.

212
00:08:55,567 --> 00:08:57,167
Not bad at all.

213
00:08:57,167 --> 00:08:58,200
Nice one.

214
00:08:58,200 --> 00:08:59,801
What?

215
00:08:59,801 --> 00:09:01,334
Well, by your standards.

216
00:09:01,334 --> 00:09:04,501
You didn't
accidentally tell her
you're an ax-murderer.

217
00:09:04,501 --> 00:09:05,734
Or you've got a wooden leg.

218
00:09:05,734 --> 00:09:08,501
Or you collect
women's ears
in a bucket.

219
00:09:08,501 --> 00:09:09,667
You ol' devil.

220
00:09:09,667 --> 00:09:11,300
What are you talkin' about?

221
00:09:11,300 --> 00:09:13,200
She thinks
I'm a cupboard loiterer.

222
00:09:13,200 --> 00:09:14,868
Oh, come on, Jeff.

223
00:09:14,868 --> 00:09:17,601
At least you're a biped
who doesn't kill people.

224
00:09:17,601 --> 00:09:19,334
That's a big step forward.

225
00:09:19,334 --> 00:09:21,434
I'm nearly 30, you know.

226
00:09:21,434 --> 00:09:22,434
What?

227
00:09:22,434 --> 00:09:23,868
I'm not 15.

228
00:09:23,868 --> 00:09:26,200
By now, i should
be able to talk
to a woman

229
00:09:26,200 --> 00:09:29,133
without accidentally
saying "nipples"
or "gusset."

230
00:09:29,133 --> 00:09:33,767
Or--or did you know
you can make candles
out of human fat?

231
00:09:33,767 --> 00:09:35,701
I thought you were
already 30.

232
00:09:35,701 --> 00:09:37,033
Yeah, i thought
you were 30.

233
00:09:37,033 --> 00:09:40,000
Even when I'm getting solid
n.a.t., i can't do anything.

234
00:09:40,000 --> 00:09:42,000
Do you know what
that's like?

235
00:09:42,000 --> 00:09:44,167
Imagine what my boys
must be thinking?

236
00:09:44,167 --> 00:09:45,634
They must've given up hope.

237
00:09:45,634 --> 00:09:46,767
Steve: I'm sorry?

238
00:09:46,767 --> 00:09:48,968
Your boys?

239
00:09:48,968 --> 00:09:50,033
Yeah, my boys.

240
00:09:51,634 --> 00:09:53,534
My swimmers.

241
00:09:56,567 --> 00:09:58,601
My landing party.

242
00:09:58,601 --> 00:10:03,567
By any chance
are you referring to your...

243
00:10:03,567 --> 00:10:05,100
Spermatozoa?

244
00:10:05,100 --> 00:10:07,033
Exactly.

245
00:10:07,033 --> 00:10:09,767
I am a prison
for sperms.

246
00:10:09,767 --> 00:10:13,467
Those poor little tadpoles
have been sentenced to life

247
00:10:13,467 --> 00:10:16,200
in Jeff murdoch's groin.

248
00:10:16,200 --> 00:10:17,767
And let me tell you,

249
00:10:17,767 --> 00:10:20,200
that can be
a pretty lonely place.

250
00:10:20,200 --> 00:10:23,501
I'm sure you always
lend a hand.

251
00:10:23,501 --> 00:10:26,133
Well, yeah,
there's that, but...

252
00:10:26,133 --> 00:10:29,000
You know, that's not what
the boys are wanting, is it?

253
00:10:29,000 --> 00:10:32,601
They want to think they're
going somewhere when they go.

254
00:10:32,601 --> 00:10:34,601
I keep thinking about
my brave lads

255
00:10:34,601 --> 00:10:36,834
all excited
on the launch pad,

256
00:10:36,834 --> 00:10:40,701
and then suddenly it's,
"oh, no, daylight!"

257
00:10:43,300 --> 00:10:46,367
I'm so hopeless at all this.
I'm fine in real life.

258
00:10:46,367 --> 00:10:47,501
You certainly are.

259
00:10:47,501 --> 00:10:49,934
You've got half the office
terrified of you.

260
00:10:49,934 --> 00:10:52,467
The moment i see
a guy i like,
I'm complete rubbish.

261
00:10:52,467 --> 00:10:54,934
I'm like a different person.
My brain melts

262
00:10:54,934 --> 00:10:56,734
and my breasts stick out.

263
00:10:56,734 --> 00:10:58,567
Breasts?

264
00:10:58,567 --> 00:10:59,834
Every time.

265
00:10:59,834 --> 00:11:01,033
Can't stop them.

266
00:11:01,033 --> 00:11:03,067
See a nice bloke
and <i>wham</i> there they are,

267
00:11:03,067 --> 00:11:05,534
like man-activated air bags.

268
00:11:05,534 --> 00:11:10,067
If i ever meet my ideal guy,
I'll flatten him against a wall.

269
00:11:10,067 --> 00:11:13,367
I know! Nice arse bloke
from the coffee place.

270
00:11:13,367 --> 00:11:15,834
Oh, nice arse, yes.

271
00:11:15,834 --> 00:11:17,234
You ask him.

272
00:11:17,234 --> 00:11:20,234
You know what
he looks like
from the front.

273
00:11:20,234 --> 00:11:22,367
Guys, we're trying
to organize a party.

274
00:11:22,367 --> 00:11:23,734
Not a bloke market.

275
00:11:23,734 --> 00:11:25,267
Susan...

276
00:11:25,267 --> 00:11:28,234
You really are
in a relationship now,
aren't you?

277
00:11:28,234 --> 00:11:30,767
You said
we could bring people.

278
00:11:30,767 --> 00:11:32,267
Yeah, a couple
of people.

279
00:11:32,267 --> 00:11:33,601
Maybe even
<i>women people.</i>

280
00:11:33,601 --> 00:11:35,467
No, we don't want
too many women people.

281
00:11:35,467 --> 00:11:37,000
Don't want
too much competition.

282
00:11:37,000 --> 00:11:38,501
Bad party ecology.

283
00:11:38,501 --> 00:11:40,367
Too many predators
grazing the herd.

284
00:11:40,367 --> 00:11:41,367
Exactly.

285
00:11:43,367 --> 00:11:45,634
What do you mean,
your brain melts?

286
00:11:45,634 --> 00:11:49,267
I open my mouth
and complete rubbish
comes out.

287
00:11:49,267 --> 00:11:52,601
Men can't get anywhere near me
for all the rubbish I'm talking.

288
00:11:52,601 --> 00:11:55,534
In the world of romance,
I'm an impregnable fortress.

289
00:11:55,534 --> 00:11:57,667
No chance of invasion.

290
00:11:57,667 --> 00:12:01,400
Julia can come
to the party!

291
00:12:01,400 --> 00:12:04,000
Thing is, I'm bound
to see this guy again.

292
00:12:04,000 --> 00:12:06,601
How do i handle it?
What do i say?

293
00:12:06,601 --> 00:12:07,868
Naked.

294
00:12:07,868 --> 00:12:09,334
Sorry?

295
00:12:09,334 --> 00:12:11,167
You can program
any man's libido

296
00:12:11,167 --> 00:12:13,834
by careful use
of the word "naked."

297
00:12:13,834 --> 00:12:17,033
Just slip it subtly
into the conversation
every now and then.

298
00:12:17,033 --> 00:12:18,501
It's a scientific fact

299
00:12:18,501 --> 00:12:21,934
if you say the word "naked,"
three or more times to any man,

300
00:12:21,934 --> 00:12:25,767
he has to cross his legs.

301
00:12:25,767 --> 00:12:28,801
And at the other end of
the female insanity spectrum,

302
00:12:28,801 --> 00:12:32,167
Jane pretends to be bisexual
with much the same result.

303
00:12:32,167 --> 00:12:33,767
What do you mean
"pretends"?

304
00:12:33,767 --> 00:12:35,601
Jane, are we supposed to believe

305
00:12:35,601 --> 00:12:38,834
there's a single woman out there
that you've actually slept with?

306
00:12:40,067 --> 00:12:41,567
Waiter: Can i get
you ladies anything?

307
00:12:41,567 --> 00:12:44,701
Um, a bottle
of white wine,
please.

308
00:12:44,701 --> 00:12:48,100
Tommy, didn't you
used to have table cloths here?

309
00:12:48,100 --> 00:12:51,834
I don't remember
the table cloths
being quite so <i>naked.</i>

310
00:12:51,834 --> 00:12:54,934
Uh...i don't think so.

311
00:12:54,934 --> 00:12:56,634
Maybe they were
always <i>naked.</i>

312
00:12:56,634 --> 00:12:58,234
But i like <i>naked.</i>

313
00:12:58,234 --> 00:13:00,200
<i> Aked's</i> good.

314
00:13:01,534 --> 00:13:02,634
Sorry.

315
00:13:02,634 --> 00:13:05,200
Uh, what was that again?

316
00:13:05,200 --> 00:13:07,067
A bottle of white wine.
White wine.

317
00:13:07,067 --> 00:13:09,100
Fifteen?
What?

318
00:13:09,100 --> 00:13:11,100
I've slept with
15 women so far.

319
00:13:12,667 --> 00:13:15,400
Of course, two of them
were at the same time,

320
00:13:15,400 --> 00:13:17,834
but you know what
those stewardesses are like.

321
00:13:17,834 --> 00:13:19,968
I think it was
the uniforms.

322
00:13:19,968 --> 00:13:21,300
Uh...

323
00:13:22,567 --> 00:13:25,267
Sorry.
What was
that again?

324
00:13:25,267 --> 00:13:26,767
Bottle of white wine.
White wine.

325
00:13:26,767 --> 00:13:27,767
Of course...

326
00:13:27,767 --> 00:13:28,834
Uniforms?

327
00:13:28,834 --> 00:13:30,334
You mean they
weren't <i>naked?</i>

328
00:13:32,133 --> 00:13:35,467
I didn't keep them <i>naked</i>
the whole time, Sally.

329
00:13:35,467 --> 00:13:37,567
That was just
with you three.

330
00:13:41,501 --> 00:13:43,000
Bottle of white wine.

331
00:13:46,467 --> 00:13:48,300
Sorry.

332
00:13:48,300 --> 00:13:50,968
These chairs are
a bit uncomfortable.

333
00:13:50,968 --> 00:13:53,100
It's our fault.

334
00:13:53,100 --> 00:13:55,601
Oh! Should've worn underwear.

335
00:13:58,534 --> 00:13:59,968
Red or white?

336
00:14:12,067 --> 00:14:15,200
Which, um...
Floor are you going to?

337
00:14:15,200 --> 00:14:18,334
I'm not bothered.

338
00:14:18,334 --> 00:14:19,601
Sorry?

339
00:14:19,601 --> 00:14:21,634
Uh...I'm just, you know,

340
00:14:21,634 --> 00:14:24,067
enjoying the lift.

341
00:14:25,968 --> 00:14:27,300
Floor four?

342
00:14:27,300 --> 00:14:28,734
Yeah, nice.

343
00:14:35,601 --> 00:14:37,200
Doors take ages
to close.

344
00:14:37,200 --> 00:14:38,434
Yeah...

345
00:14:41,234 --> 00:14:43,267
Did you press a button?

346
00:14:43,267 --> 00:14:45,968
No, they just do that.

347
00:14:47,067 --> 00:14:48,601
Um...

348
00:14:50,133 --> 00:14:52,667
A--a floor button
should close the door.

349
00:14:52,667 --> 00:14:54,400
Oh, yes, of course.
Ha ha!

350
00:15:04,033 --> 00:15:05,133
Sorry.

351
00:15:05,133 --> 00:15:07,267
I was just, um...

352
00:15:07,267 --> 00:15:08,701
Noticing your eyes.

353
00:15:08,701 --> 00:15:10,067
My eyes?

354
00:15:10,067 --> 00:15:11,701
Yeah, just noticing them.

355
00:15:16,100 --> 00:15:18,868
You've got the eyes
of ten women.

356
00:15:18,868 --> 00:15:20,434
What?

357
00:15:20,434 --> 00:15:22,701
Not in a jar!
I wasn't accusing you!

358
00:15:22,701 --> 00:15:24,868
No, no.

359
00:15:24,868 --> 00:15:27,834
I--i just mean your eyes
are really nice.

360
00:15:27,834 --> 00:15:29,868
Oh...thank you.

361
00:15:29,868 --> 00:15:31,200
Thank you very much.

362
00:15:31,200 --> 00:15:34,334
And that's a nice <i>top.</i>

363
00:15:34,334 --> 00:15:35,501
Really nice.

364
00:15:35,501 --> 00:15:36,801
Oh, do you think so?

365
00:15:36,801 --> 00:15:38,300
You look great in it,
absolutely great.

366
00:15:38,300 --> 00:15:39,868
Oh, thank you.

367
00:15:39,868 --> 00:15:41,334
You look fantastic.

368
00:15:41,334 --> 00:15:43,567
You should see me naked!

369
00:15:49,634 --> 00:15:50,868
Um...

370
00:15:50,868 --> 00:15:52,267
Just, uh...

371
00:15:52,267 --> 00:15:54,200
Just wondering...

372
00:15:54,200 --> 00:15:56,801
Do you ever go out?

373
00:15:56,801 --> 00:15:59,133
Yeah...yeah.

374
00:15:59,133 --> 00:16:00,601
I--i go out.

375
00:16:00,601 --> 00:16:03,634
( laughing nervously )
i go out, too.

376
00:16:03,634 --> 00:16:05,367
Sometimes.
Great.

377
00:16:05,367 --> 00:16:07,767
Now and then.

378
00:16:07,767 --> 00:16:08,767
Out i go.

379
00:16:10,200 --> 00:16:12,567
I'm, uh...I'm...

380
00:16:12,567 --> 00:16:16,367
I'm rubbish at asking
people out, though.

381
00:16:16,367 --> 00:16:17,601
Oh, so am i.

382
00:16:17,601 --> 00:16:19,434
I'm rubbish at all that.

383
00:16:19,434 --> 00:16:21,133
Are you?

384
00:16:21,133 --> 00:16:23,167
I say the stupidest things.
I put people off.

385
00:16:23,167 --> 00:16:26,033
<i> </i> say stupid things.
<i> </i> put people off.

386
00:16:26,033 --> 00:16:28,534
I'm 28 and no one
can get near me

387
00:16:28,534 --> 00:16:30,501
for all the rubbish
I'm talking!

388
00:16:30,501 --> 00:16:32,667
That's what I'm like.
That's exactly me!

389
00:16:32,667 --> 00:16:34,467
I'm an impregnable fortress.

390
00:16:34,467 --> 00:16:36,067
I'm full of sperm!

391
00:16:42,033 --> 00:16:44,968
Okay. You're ahead on
staying stupid things now.

392
00:16:44,968 --> 00:16:46,234
Oh, I'm sorry.

393
00:16:46,234 --> 00:16:47,501
I--i didn't mean...

394
00:16:47,501 --> 00:16:49,000
No, that's okay.

395
00:16:49,000 --> 00:16:50,834
I meant what i said before.

396
00:16:50,834 --> 00:16:54,133
I--I'm rubbish
at asking people out.

397
00:16:54,133 --> 00:16:55,167
Well...

398
00:16:55,167 --> 00:16:57,801
I'm rubbish at being asked out.

399
00:16:57,801 --> 00:16:58,801
Are you?

400
00:16:58,801 --> 00:17:00,501
Absolutely terrible.

401
00:17:00,501 --> 00:17:02,467
Well, that's
a coincidence.

402
00:17:02,467 --> 00:17:03,634
It certainly is.

403
00:17:03,634 --> 00:17:05,100
That's something
we've really got
in common.

404
00:17:05,100 --> 00:17:06,300
Yes, that's spooky.

405
00:17:06,300 --> 00:17:09,000
I mean, thank God,
I'm not asking <i>you</i> out!

406
00:17:09,000 --> 00:17:10,501
Exactly!
Thank God for that!

407
00:17:14,701 --> 00:17:15,968
Yeah, thank God.

408
00:17:15,968 --> 00:17:18,701
Good ol' God.

409
00:17:18,701 --> 00:17:20,734
Yeah.

410
00:17:20,734 --> 00:17:22,634
Yeah. Okay.

411
00:17:22,634 --> 00:17:24,801
See ya later.

412
00:17:24,801 --> 00:17:25,934
Yeah. See ya.

413
00:17:33,834 --> 00:17:35,100
( elevator Bell )

414
00:17:36,267 --> 00:17:38,367
ah...

415
00:17:38,367 --> 00:17:39,434
Morning, Jeff.

416
00:17:39,434 --> 00:17:40,634
Morning, Jeff.

417
00:17:42,167 --> 00:17:43,567
Morning, Jeff.

418
00:18:13,067 --> 00:18:14,567
Okay...

419
00:18:14,567 --> 00:18:17,167
For my boys.

420
00:18:22,267 --> 00:18:23,367
Hi.

421
00:18:25,868 --> 00:18:28,567
Do you want to go out
and get a drink sometime?

422
00:18:28,567 --> 00:18:30,067
We could, uh...

423
00:18:30,067 --> 00:18:32,200
We could talk rubbish
at each other

424
00:18:32,200 --> 00:18:34,400
and save two other people.

425
00:18:42,467 --> 00:18:43,868
Steve.

426
00:18:43,868 --> 00:18:45,400
What are you doin' here?

427
00:18:45,400 --> 00:18:47,801
Oh, you know,
just popped 'round.

428
00:18:47,801 --> 00:18:49,467
You never pop 'round!

429
00:18:49,467 --> 00:18:52,033
I just thought
I'd drop in on Susan.

430
00:18:52,033 --> 00:18:54,300
You know, surprise her.

431
00:18:54,300 --> 00:18:56,300
W-what are you doing here?

432
00:18:56,300 --> 00:18:58,701
I didn't think
you were allowed
up on the posh floor.

433
00:18:58,701 --> 00:19:01,100
Finally got 'round
to asking Julia out.

434
00:19:01,100 --> 00:19:02,334
It went really well.

435
00:19:06,934 --> 00:19:08,100
She's not there.

436
00:19:08,100 --> 00:19:09,534
Apart from that.

437
00:19:09,534 --> 00:19:12,267
So this is her office then, eh?

438
00:19:12,267 --> 00:19:13,534
Nice...

439
00:19:13,534 --> 00:19:15,534
Hey!
You can't come in here!

440
00:19:15,534 --> 00:19:16,868
Why not?

441
00:19:16,868 --> 00:19:19,133
It's her office.
What if she finds us?

442
00:19:19,133 --> 00:19:20,367
What will she do?

443
00:19:20,367 --> 00:19:22,200
Shout, "guards! Guards!"

444
00:19:24,067 --> 00:19:26,934
You're not supposed to be
in somebody else's office.

445
00:19:26,934 --> 00:19:28,033
Okay, well...

446
00:19:28,033 --> 00:19:29,367
Julia:
I'll be with you
in two minutes.

447
00:19:29,367 --> 00:19:30,400
I'm just nipping
to my office.

448
00:19:30,400 --> 00:19:31,868
Ah!

449
00:19:31,868 --> 00:19:33,968
This is someone
who likes you!

450
00:19:33,968 --> 00:19:35,601
N.a.t., remember?

451
00:19:35,601 --> 00:19:37,734
Julia: And tell
that little worm, Graham,

452
00:19:37,734 --> 00:19:39,634
if he doesn't
buck his ideas up,

453
00:19:39,634 --> 00:19:42,868
i will personally
sell him to a glue factory!

454
00:19:54,934 --> 00:19:56,901
( whispering )
what are you doing?

455
00:19:56,901 --> 00:19:59,601
I'm 30
and i still end up
in the girl's toilet!

456
00:19:59,601 --> 00:20:01,434
What's the matter with me?

457
00:20:01,434 --> 00:20:02,434
I don't know!

458
00:20:02,434 --> 00:20:03,667
Nobody knows that!

459
00:20:03,667 --> 00:20:06,133
Stephen Hawking
doesn't know that!

460
00:20:14,267 --> 00:20:15,801
Julia: Hello?

461
00:20:15,801 --> 00:20:17,434
Is there someone in there?

462
00:20:18,734 --> 00:20:20,167
<i> Ello?</i>

463
00:20:20,167 --> 00:20:22,701
Oh! Uh, hello, Julia.

464
00:20:24,300 --> 00:20:25,601
Jeff, is that you?

465
00:20:25,601 --> 00:20:28,300
Yeah, it's me.
How are you?

466
00:20:28,300 --> 00:20:30,901
I'm fine.

467
00:20:30,901 --> 00:20:33,968
Listen, I'm going to be
quite a bit longer in here,

468
00:20:33,968 --> 00:20:36,234
so I'll maybe
catch you later, okay?

469
00:20:37,467 --> 00:20:39,634
What are you doing
using my toilet?

470
00:20:40,934 --> 00:20:43,067
Well, i was--
i was just passing.

471
00:20:43,067 --> 00:20:44,601
Passing?
Yeah.

472
00:20:44,601 --> 00:20:46,601
And i thought, oh,
there's Julia's office.

473
00:20:46,601 --> 00:20:49,067
I'll just pop in
and have a chat
with Julia.

474
00:20:49,067 --> 00:20:51,501
But you weren't here,
so i thought,
next best thing...

475
00:20:54,133 --> 00:20:56,267
You thought
you'd use my toilet?

476
00:20:56,267 --> 00:20:58,033
Well, you weren't here.

477
00:20:58,033 --> 00:20:59,634
Most people just leave a note.

478
00:21:01,300 --> 00:21:02,868
( toilet flushes )

479
00:21:04,868 --> 00:21:06,367
Julia: Jeff?

480
00:21:06,367 --> 00:21:07,601
Are you coming out?

481
00:21:07,601 --> 00:21:09,100
No! She can't see me!

482
00:21:09,100 --> 00:21:10,200
In a minute!

483
00:21:10,200 --> 00:21:12,934
I would like to use
the facilities myself,

484
00:21:12,934 --> 00:21:14,467
if that's okay with you?

485
00:21:14,467 --> 00:21:16,601
Okay. I'll get her
out the room.

486
00:21:16,601 --> 00:21:19,334
I'll distract her.
I'll think of something.
Trust me.

487
00:21:19,334 --> 00:21:20,434
Okay.

488
00:21:20,434 --> 00:21:22,234
Just stay here,
stay quiet,

489
00:21:22,234 --> 00:21:25,267
and wait for my signal.

490
00:21:31,334 --> 00:21:32,467
Thanks.

491
00:21:44,701 --> 00:21:46,033
Hello.

492
00:21:47,167 --> 00:21:49,934
I'm a friend
of Jeff's.

493
00:21:51,100 --> 00:21:53,534
Yes. That would seem
to be the case.

494
00:21:53,534 --> 00:21:54,767
Now, before i call security...

495
00:21:54,767 --> 00:21:57,133
Yes. Before you do,

496
00:21:57,133 --> 00:21:58,968
there's something
you ought to know,

497
00:21:58,968 --> 00:22:01,567
and it's really important.

498
00:22:16,267 --> 00:22:19,200
<i> H, Jeffrey...</i>

499
00:22:35,634 --> 00:22:38,000
I'm really sorry
about everything.

500
00:22:38,000 --> 00:22:40,934
Just...everything.
Sorry.

501
00:22:40,934 --> 00:22:42,834
Everything...I'm sorry.

502
00:22:44,467 --> 00:22:48,000
Really, totally,
completely sorry.

503
00:22:49,968 --> 00:22:51,400
You're not saying anything.

504
00:22:51,400 --> 00:22:55,234
I know...try it.

505
00:23:15,267 --> 00:23:18,234
( panting )

506
00:23:18,234 --> 00:23:19,901
happy 30th birthday.

507
00:23:21,567 --> 00:23:23,767
Your date of birth's
in the computer.

508
00:23:23,767 --> 00:23:25,300
Why didn't you tell anyone?

509
00:23:25,300 --> 00:23:27,667
( sighs )
well, you know,

510
00:23:27,667 --> 00:23:29,801
<i>birthdays.</i>

511
00:23:29,801 --> 00:23:32,734
Hmm. How are you
enjoying this one?

512
00:23:33,901 --> 00:23:36,300
( chuckling )

513
00:23:36,300 --> 00:23:37,400
Julia...

514
00:23:37,400 --> 00:23:39,033
Yes, Jeff...

515
00:23:39,033 --> 00:23:42,434
Would you like to
go out with me sometime?

516
00:23:44,234 --> 00:23:45,400
No.

517
00:23:48,000 --> 00:23:51,267
Oh, right. Okay.
I just thought...

518
00:23:51,267 --> 00:23:54,400
I'd much rather
stay <i>in</i> with you.

519
00:23:55,734 --> 00:23:57,667
Oh...okay.

520
00:23:57,667 --> 00:23:59,133
Okay.

521
00:23:59,133 --> 00:24:02,000
If you think I'm nervous
when I'm just talking,

522
00:24:02,000 --> 00:24:04,567
you should see me
when I'm stayin' in.

523
00:24:06,601 --> 00:24:09,300
Don't worry. I'm rubbish
at the talking bit, too,

524
00:24:09,300 --> 00:24:13,767
but...I'm really good
at the <i>staying in</i> part.

525
00:24:13,767 --> 00:24:15,901
So long as you
don't mind getting

526
00:24:15,901 --> 00:24:17,934
a little <i>deviant</i>
every now and then.

527
00:24:17,934 --> 00:24:20,334
Oh...okay!

528
00:24:22,567 --> 00:24:23,667
What are you doing?

529
00:24:23,667 --> 00:24:25,901
Well, it's your birthday...

530
00:24:25,901 --> 00:24:27,734
It's time for
your birthday <i>treat.</i>

531
00:24:27,734 --> 00:24:28,934
Here?

532
00:24:28,934 --> 00:24:30,634
Well, why not?

533
00:24:30,634 --> 00:24:32,334
Everyone's gone home.

534
00:24:34,868 --> 00:24:36,701
Ah...right.

535
00:24:36,701 --> 00:24:38,534
Trust me.

536
00:24:38,534 --> 00:24:39,701
Do you trust me?

537
00:24:39,701 --> 00:24:40,801
No.

538
00:24:54,734 --> 00:24:57,467
I'm going to leave you
for a moment or two.

539
00:24:57,467 --> 00:24:59,033
I don't want you to move,
okay?

540
00:24:59,033 --> 00:25:00,100
All right.

541
00:25:00,100 --> 00:25:01,334
( chuckling )
nervous?

542
00:25:01,334 --> 00:25:03,601
I'm not! I'm really not.

543
00:25:03,601 --> 00:25:06,300
Good.
Well, you wait here,

544
00:25:06,300 --> 00:25:09,601
and get ready
for <i>serious</i> fun.

545
00:25:21,100 --> 00:25:24,334
Okay, boys! This is it!

546
00:25:24,334 --> 00:25:27,200
You're going in.
You're now going in!

547
00:25:27,200 --> 00:25:28,868
* sex! *

548
00:25:28,868 --> 00:25:30,601
* I'm going to have sex *

549
00:25:30,601 --> 00:25:33,868
* I'm going to have sex *

550
00:25:36,033 --> 00:25:38,033
* oh... *

551
00:25:38,033 --> 00:25:39,467
* oh... *

552
00:25:39,467 --> 00:25:41,267
* da-dum dah *

553
00:25:41,267 --> 00:25:43,901
* da-da dum dum *

554
00:25:43,901 --> 00:25:46,167
* da-da dum *

555
00:25:46,167 --> 00:25:47,601
* da-da dum da *

556
00:25:47,601 --> 00:25:49,834
* da da, da da *

557
00:25:49,834 --> 00:25:50,834
stop him.

558
00:25:50,834 --> 00:25:53,033
* da dum *

559
00:25:53,033 --> 00:25:55,067
* da-da dum da *

560
00:25:55,067 --> 00:25:57,033
whoa! Yowza!

561
00:25:57,033 --> 00:25:58,567
* da-da dum *

562
00:25:58,567 --> 00:26:00,734
* da-da dum *

563
00:26:00,734 --> 00:26:02,634
* da-dum dah *

564
00:26:02,634 --> 00:26:04,167
* da-da dum da *

565
00:26:04,167 --> 00:26:07,067
* da-da duh *

566
00:26:07,067 --> 00:26:09,901
* da-da da-da *

567
00:26:09,901 --> 00:26:11,934
* da dum da *

568
00:26:11,934 --> 00:26:13,567
* da-da da-da *

569
00:26:13,567 --> 00:26:15,501
* da-da da dum *

570
00:26:15,501 --> 00:26:18,567
* da-da dum *

571
00:26:18,567 --> 00:26:21,100
* da-dum da *

572
00:26:21,100 --> 00:26:22,300
* da-da dum da *

573
00:26:22,300 --> 00:26:25,334
* da-da duh *

574
00:26:25,334 --> 00:26:27,067
* da-da dum da *

575
00:26:27,067 --> 00:26:28,133
whoo!

576
00:26:28,133 --> 00:26:31,167
* da-da da-da *

577
00:26:31,167 --> 00:26:33,868
* da-da dum da *

578
00:26:33,868 --> 00:26:35,234
* da-da dum *

579
00:26:35,234 --> 00:26:36,834
* da -- oh! *

580
00:26:36,834 --> 00:26:38,701
* da-da da-da *

581
00:26:38,701 --> 00:26:40,801
* da-da dum *

582
00:26:43,167 --> 00:26:44,300
whoo!

583
00:26:50,367 --> 00:26:53,267
<i> H, Jeffrey!</i>

584
00:26:56,667 --> 00:26:58,033
Mother?

585
00:27:01,801 --> 00:27:02,834
Ah!

586
00:27:16,100 --> 00:27:19,334
I, uh, think everyone
had better go.

587
00:27:30,901 --> 00:27:33,334
That was great!
Don't you think?

588
00:27:46,534 --> 00:27:50,033
As a senior executive
in this firm,

589
00:27:50,033 --> 00:27:54,501
let me assure you
that performing a striptease

590
00:27:54,501 --> 00:27:56,801
in the main conference room

591
00:27:56,801 --> 00:28:00,968
in front of a large percentage
of the senior management

592
00:28:00,968 --> 00:28:04,267
is completely and utterly

593
00:28:04,267 --> 00:28:07,167
and in all possible ways,
unacceptable.

594
00:28:07,167 --> 00:28:10,901
Yes. I--i understand.

595
00:28:10,901 --> 00:28:12,834
Which is why, Jeff,

596
00:28:12,834 --> 00:28:15,634
which is why...

597
00:28:15,634 --> 00:28:19,467
I had to send
them home first.

598
00:28:26,701 --> 00:28:29,234
* ( <i>the stripper</i> ) *

599
00:28:29,234 --> 00:28:33,701
**