1
00:00:08,900 --> 00:00:12,200
* you won't admit
you love me *

2
00:00:12,267 --> 00:00:13,734
* and so *

3
00:00:13,800 --> 00:00:16,634
* how am i ever *

4
00:00:16,701 --> 00:00:18,267
* to know? *

5
00:00:18,334 --> 00:00:21,067
* you always tell me *

6
00:00:21,134 --> 00:00:22,134
* perhaps *

7
00:00:22,200 --> 00:00:23,267
* perhaps *

8
00:00:23,334 --> 00:00:25,467
* perhaps *

9
00:00:25,534 --> 00:00:27,634
* perhaps *

10
00:00:27,701 --> 00:00:30,000
* perhaps *

11
00:00:30,067 --> 00:00:31,567
* perhaps *

12
00:00:36,000 --> 00:00:38,301
Patrick: For God's sake!

13
00:00:39,867 --> 00:00:43,768
You get a glass.

14
00:00:48,334 --> 00:00:50,467
A glass,
piece of card.

15
00:00:50,534 --> 00:00:52,701
All you need.

16
00:00:55,401 --> 00:00:57,534
( ringing )

17
00:01:01,668 --> 00:01:05,200
you get a glass,
a piece of card...

18
00:01:05,267 --> 00:01:06,734
Patrick.

19
00:01:06,800 --> 00:01:09,467
You place the glass
over the spider...

20
00:01:09,534 --> 00:01:11,367
I know.

21
00:01:11,434 --> 00:01:14,401
You slide the piece of card
under the glass,

22
00:01:14,467 --> 00:01:16,501
so trapping the spider.

23
00:01:16,567 --> 00:01:17,668
Yes.

24
00:01:17,734 --> 00:01:20,933
Keeping the card
firmly against the glass,

25
00:01:21,000 --> 00:01:26,000
you go to the door
and release the spider
into the wild!

26
00:01:26,067 --> 00:01:28,000
Patrick, i think
we should talk.

27
00:01:28,067 --> 00:01:30,000
Where is it?
Could you just
listen a moment?

28
00:01:30,067 --> 00:01:32,601
Where's the spider?
Patrick, please.

29
00:01:32,668 --> 00:01:36,301
Have you ever had
a dream about someone

30
00:01:36,367 --> 00:01:39,100
maybe you shouldn't
have dreamed about?

31
00:01:39,167 --> 00:01:40,800
Maybe because
you've been spending

32
00:01:40,867 --> 00:01:43,833
a little bit too much time
thinking about them

33
00:01:43,900 --> 00:01:46,501
and then really needed
to talk to them,

34
00:01:46,567 --> 00:01:50,334
maybe at a slightly inconvenient
hour of the night?

35
00:01:50,401 --> 00:01:53,000
For God's sake, Sally,
it's 3:00 in the morning.

36
00:01:53,067 --> 00:01:56,034
I know.
No spider?

37
00:01:56,100 --> 00:01:58,768
No spider, far as i know.

38
00:01:58,833 --> 00:02:00,867
Why did you phone me?

39
00:02:00,933 --> 00:02:03,534
If you've got someone
bubbling around
in your subconscious,

40
00:02:03,601 --> 00:02:05,367
it's really
quite understandable--

41
00:02:05,434 --> 00:02:07,200
some of us
don't have dreams.

42
00:02:07,267 --> 00:02:09,034
Some of us don't have
<i>subconsciouses.</i>

43
00:02:09,100 --> 00:02:10,701
Why did you phone me?

44
00:02:10,768 --> 00:02:14,867
Patrick, I'm trying
to explain.

45
00:02:14,933 --> 00:02:17,034
I didn't phone you.

46
00:02:22,234 --> 00:02:23,501
You didn't?

47
00:02:23,567 --> 00:02:25,434
Nope.

48
00:02:25,501 --> 00:02:27,634
Are you sure?

49
00:02:27,701 --> 00:02:29,401
Yep.

50
00:02:29,467 --> 00:02:34,401
There was no
actual...phone call?

51
00:02:34,467 --> 00:02:36,933
Last time we spoke
was 6:00 this evening.

52
00:02:37,000 --> 00:02:40,668
You wanted
to go to the cinema.
I told you i had a date.

53
00:02:40,734 --> 00:02:42,567
This doesn't make
any sense.

54
00:02:42,634 --> 00:02:45,434
Why would i dream
you had a spider
in your bedroom?

55
00:02:45,501 --> 00:02:48,668
Incidentally,
this is Peter.

56
00:02:56,833 --> 00:02:58,301
Oh, hello.

57
00:02:58,367 --> 00:03:00,501
Hi.

58
00:03:00,567 --> 00:03:04,634
Okay, the area
seems secure.

59
00:03:04,701 --> 00:03:07,833
Patrick?
Patrick maitland?

60
00:03:07,900 --> 00:03:09,234
Peter Wilkins?

61
00:03:09,301 --> 00:03:10,301
Right.

62
00:03:10,367 --> 00:03:11,668
I don't believe it!

63
00:03:11,734 --> 00:03:13,668
I haven't seen you
in ages.

64
00:03:15,034 --> 00:03:17,601
You still working
at the same place?

65
00:03:17,668 --> 00:03:19,034
Still trying not to.

66
00:03:19,100 --> 00:03:21,200
( both laughing )

67
00:03:23,601 --> 00:03:25,867
bloody hell.
I had no idea
you knew Sally.

68
00:03:25,933 --> 00:03:29,334
Oh, well, we only met
this evening.

69
00:03:30,534 --> 00:03:33,867
So, um...what have
you two been up to?

70
00:03:38,167 --> 00:03:40,100
Okay, probably
better be off now.

71
00:03:40,167 --> 00:03:41,601
There's
a good idea.

72
00:03:41,668 --> 00:03:43,367
Do you want
a lift?

73
00:03:43,434 --> 00:03:45,301
I beg your pardon.

74
00:03:45,367 --> 00:03:48,067
I mean, sorry.
Are you guys finished?

75
00:03:48,134 --> 00:03:49,234
Sally: No!
Yes.

76
00:03:50,601 --> 00:03:52,900
Always the same
with men, isn't it?

77
00:03:52,967 --> 00:03:55,000
Looks like
a starter handle,

78
00:03:55,067 --> 00:03:57,234
works like
an "off" switch.

79
00:03:57,301 --> 00:03:59,434
Patrick,
lovely to see you.

80
00:03:59,501 --> 00:04:01,768
Terribly sweet of you
to pop round.

81
00:04:01,833 --> 00:04:04,167
Now you must go away
very quickly.

82
00:04:05,534 --> 00:04:07,334
Whilst I'm sure
Peter is grateful

83
00:04:07,401 --> 00:04:09,167
for your offer
of a lift,

84
00:04:09,234 --> 00:04:11,734
it's time you understood
that not all men have

85
00:04:11,800 --> 00:04:14,867
an uncontrollable desire
to leave the moment
they've had sex.

86
00:04:14,933 --> 00:04:16,867
Oh, uh...

87
00:04:19,467 --> 00:04:21,301
For God's sake!

88
00:04:21,367 --> 00:04:23,501
It's just, uh,
I've got this early start.

89
00:04:23,567 --> 00:04:26,800
Trust me, you've got
quite an early finish.

90
00:04:29,501 --> 00:04:30,933
Good night, Peter.

91
00:04:31,000 --> 00:04:32,367
Night.

92
00:04:34,067 --> 00:04:35,933
Night-night,
spider-man.

93
00:04:44,167 --> 00:04:45,933
You okay?

94
00:04:46,000 --> 00:04:47,668
Yeah.

95
00:04:47,734 --> 00:04:49,367
Yeah, fine.

96
00:04:52,200 --> 00:04:53,800
Right. Good.
See ya.

97
00:04:53,867 --> 00:04:55,034
See ya.

98
00:05:00,534 --> 00:05:03,000
Spider-man?

99
00:05:06,167 --> 00:05:09,267
You know, I've never
really thought of Patrick
as dreaming.

100
00:05:09,334 --> 00:05:11,833
It's not like his mind
is that active
during the day.

101
00:05:11,900 --> 00:05:14,100
But how do we interpret
the dream?

102
00:05:14,167 --> 00:05:15,601
That's the point.

103
00:05:15,668 --> 00:05:17,701
I know all about
interpretation.

104
00:05:17,768 --> 00:05:22,668
The question is,
what do you, Sally,
symbolize to Patrick?

105
00:05:22,734 --> 00:05:24,401
Symbolize?

106
00:05:24,467 --> 00:05:26,267
My therapist has
this brilliant theory.

107
00:05:26,334 --> 00:05:29,034
She says the people
who appear to you
are symbols.

108
00:05:29,100 --> 00:05:30,800
It's like you're
the only real person,

109
00:05:30,867 --> 00:05:34,100
and everybody else
are just aspects
of your subconscious.

110
00:05:34,167 --> 00:05:36,434
In dreams?

111
00:05:36,501 --> 00:05:40,434
You know, she probably
was talking about dreams.

112
00:05:40,501 --> 00:05:42,567
That's quite disappointing,
actually.

113
00:05:42,634 --> 00:05:45,301
You know when
i first met Patrick.

114
00:05:45,367 --> 00:05:47,301
Yeah, when he was
going out with me.

115
00:05:47,367 --> 00:05:49,301
Just before that.
Before?

116
00:05:49,367 --> 00:05:51,634
Remember your office party
three or four years ago?

117
00:05:51,701 --> 00:05:53,167
Yeah, when <i>i</i> met Patrick.

118
00:05:53,234 --> 00:05:55,267
Well, that's when
i met him, too.

119
00:05:57,134 --> 00:05:58,601
What were you
doing there?

120
00:05:58,668 --> 00:06:00,367
You invited me.

121
00:06:00,434 --> 00:06:01,900
I did?

122
00:06:03,367 --> 00:06:04,933
Sally, come on.

123
00:06:05,000 --> 00:06:07,334
I found the food.
I don't know
if you want--

124
00:06:07,401 --> 00:06:09,501
sorry. I thought
you were my girlfriend.

125
00:06:09,567 --> 00:06:11,167
No problem.

126
00:06:13,434 --> 00:06:16,134
Jane!

127
00:06:16,200 --> 00:06:18,501
Why did i invite you
to my office party?

128
00:06:18,567 --> 00:06:20,067
I don't know.

129
00:06:20,134 --> 00:06:22,967
I think you were feeling
a bit insecure.

130
00:06:24,334 --> 00:06:25,734
Be honest with me, okay?

131
00:06:25,800 --> 00:06:28,501
In this dress,
do i have a hint
of vastness?

132
00:06:28,567 --> 00:06:30,234
No.

133
00:06:30,301 --> 00:06:33,234
Seriously?
Below the waist,
does it say,

134
00:06:33,301 --> 00:06:36,334
"look what's washed up
on the beach, boys--
the settlement is saved"?

135
00:06:36,401 --> 00:06:38,267
( laughs )
you look great.

136
00:06:38,334 --> 00:06:42,167
I don't want to look great.
I want to look thin.

137
00:06:44,301 --> 00:06:46,768
How can my bottom
be doing this to me?

138
00:06:46,833 --> 00:06:48,933
I'm dieting enough
for ten women!

139
00:06:49,000 --> 00:06:51,401
Oh, Sally,
come on.

140
00:06:51,467 --> 00:06:54,267
Do you think
there's such a thing
as airborne calories?

141
00:06:54,334 --> 00:06:58,034
Maybe they just jump
directly onto your hips.

142
00:06:58,100 --> 00:07:00,967
Look, the idea was
you'd come to
my office party

143
00:07:01,034 --> 00:07:03,100
and meet
attractive men.

144
00:07:03,167 --> 00:07:05,701
There's a time
for staring in the mirror
and hating yourself,

145
00:07:05,768 --> 00:07:08,833
and that time
is tomorrow morning.
Now, come on!

146
00:07:10,301 --> 00:07:12,534
So, any of these men
my type?

147
00:07:12,601 --> 00:07:14,200
Bastard.

148
00:07:16,234 --> 00:07:17,768
One of them.

149
00:07:19,768 --> 00:07:23,867
( pop music playing
in background )

150
00:07:23,933 --> 00:07:25,768
ooh, back in a sec.
I've just gotta
get someone.

151
00:07:25,833 --> 00:07:27,434
Oh, right.

152
00:07:35,234 --> 00:07:36,467
Sorry.

153
00:07:36,534 --> 00:07:38,134
It was just a dream?

154
00:07:38,200 --> 00:07:40,434
She never phoned me.
I dreamt the whole thing.

155
00:07:40,501 --> 00:07:42,334
Scary.
Very.

156
00:07:42,401 --> 00:07:45,534
What does that mean?
Why did i do that?
What do you think?

157
00:07:45,601 --> 00:07:48,067
Okay, maybe
i can help you.

158
00:07:49,501 --> 00:07:51,867
You know jelly wrestling?

159
00:07:53,467 --> 00:07:55,100
Jelly wrestling?

160
00:07:55,167 --> 00:07:58,501
Which is basically jelly
with women wrestling in it.

161
00:07:58,567 --> 00:08:00,701
We're familiar
with the concept, yes.

162
00:08:00,768 --> 00:08:03,567
Okay, well,
think about this.

163
00:08:03,634 --> 00:08:06,833
Afterwards,
after the wrestling,

164
00:08:06,900 --> 00:08:09,367
what happens to the jelly?

165
00:08:09,434 --> 00:08:10,800
The jelly?

166
00:08:10,867 --> 00:08:12,634
Because you could
sell that.

167
00:08:12,701 --> 00:08:16,401
That is
a missed opportunity.

168
00:08:16,467 --> 00:08:18,833
You could bottle
and sell it.

169
00:08:18,900 --> 00:08:20,067
Okay.

170
00:08:20,134 --> 00:08:22,768
You take the women out first,
obviously.

171
00:08:22,833 --> 00:08:24,967
Good.

172
00:08:25,034 --> 00:08:26,567
There'd just be a hint.

173
00:08:26,634 --> 00:08:29,000
Are you in any way

174
00:08:29,067 --> 00:08:31,434
moving in the direction
of relevance?

175
00:08:31,501 --> 00:08:33,134
Relevance?

176
00:08:33,200 --> 00:08:36,900
Steve, do you realize
what i just invented?

177
00:08:36,967 --> 00:08:40,668
Porn jelly.

178
00:08:40,734 --> 00:08:44,567
The human race's
two most favorite things
meet at last

179
00:08:44,634 --> 00:08:47,200
in dessert form.
Jeff.

180
00:08:47,267 --> 00:08:48,967
There's a lot
of lonely people
out there, Steve.

181
00:08:49,034 --> 00:08:51,000
And what
do lonely people enjoy?

182
00:08:51,067 --> 00:08:53,833
Puddings and pornography.

183
00:08:54,867 --> 00:08:58,234
Now for all your needs,
pudding porn.

184
00:08:58,301 --> 00:09:01,334
It's a girlfriend in a jar,
except it's jelly.

185
00:09:01,401 --> 00:09:04,900
Jeff, can i ask again
how this is relevant
to Patrick's dream?

186
00:09:04,967 --> 00:09:08,334
I was kind of hoping
something would come up.

187
00:09:08,401 --> 00:09:09,967
Okay.

188
00:09:10,034 --> 00:09:11,401
The dream.

189
00:09:11,467 --> 00:09:13,134
Why should i dream
about Sally?

190
00:09:13,200 --> 00:09:15,467
Well, you had
that nearly thing.

191
00:09:15,534 --> 00:09:17,100
It was a disaster.

192
00:09:17,167 --> 00:09:19,134
A flop.
Okay.

193
00:09:20,367 --> 00:09:22,301
Maybe it's
an emotional thing.

194
00:09:22,367 --> 00:09:23,668
A what?

195
00:09:23,734 --> 00:09:28,833
You know,
an emotional...thing.

196
00:09:28,900 --> 00:09:33,134
And yet you have
8,000 words for breasts.

197
00:09:34,634 --> 00:09:35,967
And counting.

198
00:09:37,768 --> 00:09:40,167
I think what Jeff
is trying to say

199
00:09:40,234 --> 00:09:42,167
in his frighteningly
limited way

200
00:09:42,234 --> 00:09:44,701
is that you and Sally
are friends now.

201
00:09:44,768 --> 00:09:47,467
Maybe what's going on here
is a whole new Scary

202
00:09:47,534 --> 00:09:51,000
kind of emotional...
Thing.

203
00:09:51,067 --> 00:09:53,334
Why should i be
getting emotional
about Sally?

204
00:09:53,401 --> 00:09:55,434
How long have you
been friends with her?

205
00:09:55,501 --> 00:09:57,067
A while now.
A few years.

206
00:09:57,134 --> 00:09:59,067
Patrick, you don't have
female friends.

207
00:09:59,134 --> 00:10:01,401
You have a completely
different agenda with women.

208
00:10:01,467 --> 00:10:02,567
I don't have an agenda.

209
00:10:02,634 --> 00:10:04,334
That's a bit offensive,
actually.

210
00:10:04,401 --> 00:10:07,167
I'm perfectly capable
of being friends with women
without any kind of agenda.

211
00:10:07,234 --> 00:10:09,100
For how long?
As long as it takes.

212
00:10:09,167 --> 00:10:10,867
Exactly.

213
00:10:10,933 --> 00:10:12,768
Sally's different,
isn't she?

214
00:10:12,833 --> 00:10:15,768
What, you mean
there's some kind
of emotional...

215
00:10:15,833 --> 00:10:17,467
Thing.
Thing.

216
00:10:17,534 --> 00:10:19,134
Thing.

217
00:10:19,200 --> 00:10:20,933
Let's look
at the evidence.

218
00:10:21,000 --> 00:10:22,933
She told you
she had a date.

219
00:10:23,000 --> 00:10:25,933
You spent an entire evening
knowing she was out there
with another man.

220
00:10:26,000 --> 00:10:28,768
That night, you go crashing
into her bedroom

221
00:10:28,833 --> 00:10:32,534
convinced she's being attacked
by a "spider."

222
00:10:32,601 --> 00:10:34,200
That about right?

223
00:10:34,267 --> 00:10:36,800
But is there anything
we can read into that?

224
00:10:38,401 --> 00:10:41,234
What if she's the one?
The one?

225
00:10:41,301 --> 00:10:44,200
For you.
We tried.
It was awful.

226
00:10:44,267 --> 00:10:46,701
A flop.
Okay.

227
00:10:46,768 --> 00:10:49,267
But why do you think
it was awful?

228
00:10:49,334 --> 00:10:50,833
Why?

229
00:10:50,900 --> 00:10:54,334
When you first met Sally,
you were going out with Susan.

230
00:10:54,401 --> 00:10:56,100
She was Susan's
best friend.
So?

231
00:10:56,167 --> 00:10:59,334
So, what if,
at the time of...
( whispers ) the flop...

232
00:10:59,401 --> 00:11:01,867
You were thinking about her
in a different way?

233
00:11:01,933 --> 00:11:04,367
What if you'd still
been thinking about Sally

234
00:11:04,434 --> 00:11:07,134
as your girlfriend's
best friend?

235
00:11:07,200 --> 00:11:10,134
Yeah, that probably
would have worked,
actually.

236
00:11:10,200 --> 00:11:12,334
It wasn't a suggestion.

237
00:11:12,401 --> 00:11:13,634
Oh.

238
00:11:13,701 --> 00:11:16,634
Of course, there's one
tiny problem with that.

239
00:11:16,701 --> 00:11:18,768
I actually met Sally first.

240
00:11:18,833 --> 00:11:20,967
You did?

241
00:11:25,701 --> 00:11:28,301
Yeah, it was some party
at Susan's office years ago.

242
00:11:28,367 --> 00:11:29,634
Sally was there.

243
00:11:29,701 --> 00:11:31,067
I was probably
there, too.

244
00:11:31,134 --> 00:11:33,067
No, it was just
a bunch of stiffs.

245
00:11:43,334 --> 00:11:46,833
Face it, only stiffs
would go to your
office parties.

246
00:11:52,967 --> 00:11:56,067
What do you call
all the things
that aren't sausages?

247
00:11:57,634 --> 00:11:59,501
Things.

248
00:11:59,567 --> 00:12:00,900
Things?

249
00:12:00,967 --> 00:12:05,000
With kind of...
Things on them.

250
00:12:05,067 --> 00:12:09,000
And yet you have
3,000 words for breasts.

251
00:12:10,301 --> 00:12:11,567
And counting.

252
00:12:13,067 --> 00:12:14,034
Where's Jane?

253
00:12:14,100 --> 00:12:16,601
She went to the loo,
didn't she?

254
00:12:16,668 --> 00:12:19,768
I better check on her.
She's being a bit weird.

255
00:12:22,134 --> 00:12:24,434
Samantha!

256
00:12:24,501 --> 00:12:26,401
Patrick.

257
00:12:26,467 --> 00:12:28,768
Here i am, bang on time.
See? I remembered.

258
00:12:28,833 --> 00:12:30,567
Oh, for God's sake.

259
00:12:30,634 --> 00:12:32,367
I thought
you'd be pleased.

260
00:12:32,434 --> 00:12:33,800
Pleased?
Yeah.

261
00:12:33,867 --> 00:12:35,501
Only last night,
you were going on

262
00:12:35,567 --> 00:12:38,367
about how i always
forget everything,
never pay you any attention,

263
00:12:38,434 --> 00:12:40,367
never really engage
in the relationship.

264
00:12:40,434 --> 00:12:43,267
Yes. And then
i dumped you.

265
00:12:45,167 --> 00:12:46,800
Oh.

266
00:12:46,867 --> 00:12:51,567
Oh, sorry.
I must have drifted off
towards the end.

267
00:12:51,634 --> 00:12:53,967
Patrick...

268
00:12:54,034 --> 00:12:57,933
I'm going to go
and talk to anyone else
in the universe now.

269
00:12:58,000 --> 00:13:00,401
In the event
that hell freezes over,

270
00:13:00,467 --> 00:13:03,467
please don't phone me
to talk about it.

271
00:13:06,200 --> 00:13:08,167
Got it that time.

272
00:13:18,000 --> 00:13:19,933
Sorry.

273
00:13:20,000 --> 00:13:21,234
You know what i think?

274
00:13:21,301 --> 00:13:23,967
You mean, sometimes
you don't just tell us?

275
00:13:24,034 --> 00:13:27,167
What if Patrick's
your destiny?

276
00:13:28,367 --> 00:13:30,534
We tried.
It didn't work.

277
00:13:30,601 --> 00:13:31,900
You know what?

278
00:13:31,967 --> 00:13:33,933
You didn't snog him
fast enough.

279
00:13:34,000 --> 00:13:35,567
I'm sorry?

280
00:13:35,634 --> 00:13:37,601
The first snog
is so important.

281
00:13:37,668 --> 00:13:42,768
It tells you so much--
what they're like in bed,
what they like to eat.

282
00:13:42,833 --> 00:13:45,833
Sally's got this special
first snog all planned

283
00:13:45,900 --> 00:13:48,867
for when she meets mr. Right,
since she was 15.

284
00:13:48,933 --> 00:13:51,534
It's not a whole plan.
It's just the music.

285
00:13:51,601 --> 00:13:52,734
What music?

286
00:13:52,800 --> 00:13:55,867
The aria
from <i>madame butterfly.</i>

287
00:13:55,933 --> 00:13:59,067
Well, if you're going to be
stuck remembering something
for the rest of your life,

288
00:13:59,134 --> 00:14:00,734
it better be good.

289
00:14:00,800 --> 00:14:03,067
So Patrick's not gonna be
the one you remember?

290
00:14:03,134 --> 00:14:06,301
Patrick's not the one.
I'm almost sure.

291
00:14:06,367 --> 00:14:08,567
Almost?

292
00:14:08,634 --> 00:14:11,267
It's too late
for me and Sally.
I know her too well.

293
00:14:11,334 --> 00:14:12,701
That's why it didn't work.

294
00:14:12,768 --> 00:14:16,100
By the time i saw her naked,
she was, like, a person.

295
00:14:16,167 --> 00:14:17,967
Where's the fun
in that?

296
00:14:18,034 --> 00:14:20,668
So at the very start,
what did you think?

297
00:14:20,734 --> 00:14:23,034
Yeah, before she became
all person-y.

298
00:14:23,100 --> 00:14:25,167
What was
the first conversation?

299
00:14:25,234 --> 00:14:28,234
Well, there was food.

300
00:14:29,401 --> 00:14:30,867
Oh, sorry.

301
00:14:30,933 --> 00:14:33,234
No problem.
Don't worry.

302
00:14:36,501 --> 00:14:39,000
Quite a spread.

303
00:14:39,067 --> 00:14:41,501
Amazing spread.

304
00:14:41,567 --> 00:14:46,301
Sausage, sausages,
sausages, sausages.

305
00:14:46,367 --> 00:14:47,401
Yeah.

306
00:14:48,634 --> 00:14:49,867
Sausages.

307
00:14:51,534 --> 00:14:53,501
So, this your office,
then?

308
00:14:53,567 --> 00:14:54,701
Well, no.

309
00:14:54,768 --> 00:14:57,434
How did you get
to the party, then?

310
00:14:57,501 --> 00:14:59,800
Bmw m3, midnight blue.

311
00:14:59,867 --> 00:15:03,334
Naught to 60 in 5 seconds,
on to 100 in another 6.

312
00:15:03,401 --> 00:15:07,167
Sequential
semi-automatic gearbox,
traction control,

313
00:15:07,234 --> 00:15:08,933
and Black leather seats.

314
00:15:09,000 --> 00:15:11,100
Oh.

315
00:15:11,167 --> 00:15:14,200
Have you tried
the sausages?
They're fab.

316
00:15:14,267 --> 00:15:16,334
Best sausages
I've ever tasted.

317
00:15:16,401 --> 00:15:17,701
Excellent sausages.

318
00:15:17,768 --> 00:15:19,067
Oh, hello.

319
00:15:19,134 --> 00:15:20,301
Hi. Very pleased
to meet you.

320
00:15:20,367 --> 00:15:22,601
This is Susan.
Susan, this is, um...

321
00:15:22,668 --> 00:15:24,900
Patrick.
Patrick maitland.
And...

322
00:15:24,967 --> 00:15:25,933
Sally.

323
00:15:26,000 --> 00:15:28,634
Well,
how about this?

324
00:15:28,701 --> 00:15:32,734
Two beautiful women
and me.

325
00:15:32,800 --> 00:15:35,200
I see. So you're
the kind of man

326
00:15:35,267 --> 00:15:37,701
who only notices women
if they're beautiful.

327
00:15:37,768 --> 00:15:39,401
What makes you say that?

328
00:15:39,467 --> 00:15:42,134
Actually, it wasn't me.

329
00:15:42,200 --> 00:15:43,867
Oh, i see.

330
00:15:43,933 --> 00:15:46,301
You've been talking
to some of my friends,
then, haven't you?

331
00:15:46,367 --> 00:15:48,567
I know, i know.
Ugly women can
have feelings, too,

332
00:15:48,634 --> 00:15:50,601
which frankly doesn't
improve them any.

333
00:15:52,267 --> 00:15:55,634
Well, anyway, um,
we'll see you later, okay?

334
00:15:55,701 --> 00:15:58,701
Yeah, i hope so.
That'd be very nice.

335
00:16:01,534 --> 00:16:04,267
So, tell me,
with women like that
in this office,

336
00:16:04,334 --> 00:16:07,501
how do you blokes manage
to keep your minds
on your work?

337
00:16:07,567 --> 00:16:10,867
You really are
a sad, sick bastard,
you know that?

338
00:16:14,401 --> 00:16:16,833
So what was it like
before he opened
his mouth, then?

339
00:16:16,900 --> 00:16:19,501
What was the first
eye-contact moment?
Can you remember?

340
00:16:19,567 --> 00:16:21,100
Was there a spark?

341
00:16:21,167 --> 00:16:23,467
I don't know!

342
00:16:23,534 --> 00:16:26,534
We were standing
at a buffet table.

343
00:16:26,601 --> 00:16:28,567
Sorry.

344
00:16:28,634 --> 00:16:30,734
No problem.
Don't worry.

345
00:16:34,334 --> 00:16:35,301
Quite a spread.

346
00:16:35,367 --> 00:16:38,200
Amazing spread.

347
00:16:38,267 --> 00:16:41,534
Satay, vol-au-vents,
quail's eggs.

348
00:16:42,867 --> 00:16:44,734
Yeah, sausages.

349
00:16:45,967 --> 00:16:47,900
So, this your office,
then?

350
00:16:47,967 --> 00:16:49,200
Well, no.

351
00:16:49,267 --> 00:16:51,701
How'd you get
to the party, then?

352
00:16:51,768 --> 00:16:53,100
Car.

353
00:16:54,668 --> 00:16:56,067
Oh.

354
00:16:56,134 --> 00:16:58,501
Have you tried
the cruditã©s?
They're fab.

355
00:16:58,567 --> 00:17:00,634
Best smoked salmon
I've ever tasted.

356
00:17:00,701 --> 00:17:02,100
Excellent
sausages.

357
00:17:02,167 --> 00:17:03,701
Hello.

358
00:17:03,768 --> 00:17:05,334
Hi. Very pleased
to meet you.

359
00:17:05,401 --> 00:17:07,933
This is Susan.
Susan, this is,
um...

360
00:17:08,000 --> 00:17:09,833
Patrick.
Patrick maitland.
And...

361
00:17:09,900 --> 00:17:10,967
Sally.

362
00:17:11,034 --> 00:17:12,034
And morag.

363
00:17:12,100 --> 00:17:14,000
Hello, Patrick.
Very pleased
to meet you.

364
00:17:14,067 --> 00:17:15,701
Right, yeah.

365
00:17:15,768 --> 00:17:18,067
Well,
how about this?

366
00:17:18,134 --> 00:17:20,134
Two beautiful women
and me.

367
00:17:21,334 --> 00:17:23,267
I see. So you're
the kind of man

368
00:17:23,334 --> 00:17:26,200
that only notices women
if they're beautiful, then.

369
00:17:26,267 --> 00:17:28,701
What makes you
say that?

370
00:17:29,933 --> 00:17:31,501
Actually, it wasn't me.

371
00:17:31,567 --> 00:17:34,900
I know, i know,
ugly women can
have feelings, too,

372
00:17:34,967 --> 00:17:37,434
which frankly doesn't
improve them any.

373
00:17:39,034 --> 00:17:41,601
For God's sake!

374
00:17:44,034 --> 00:17:47,567
Well, anyway, um,
we'll see you later, okay?

375
00:17:47,634 --> 00:17:50,367
Yeah, i hope so.
That'd be great.

376
00:17:54,100 --> 00:17:57,067
So tell me,
with women like that
in this office,

377
00:17:57,134 --> 00:18:00,334
how do you blokes manage
to keep your minds
on your work?

378
00:18:00,401 --> 00:18:05,234
You really are
a sad, sick bastard,
you know that?

379
00:18:11,301 --> 00:18:12,900
And that was it?

380
00:18:12,967 --> 00:18:14,501
That was it.

381
00:18:14,567 --> 00:18:18,734
That was the exciting
first meeting of Sally
and spider-man.

382
00:18:24,200 --> 00:18:27,833
Spider-man?
Oh, because of
the spider dream.

383
00:18:27,900 --> 00:18:30,833
That's clever,
isn't it?

384
00:18:30,900 --> 00:18:34,634
I talked to him
again later, didn't i?
At the end?

385
00:18:34,701 --> 00:18:36,933
I didn't snog him
or anything, did i?

386
00:18:37,000 --> 00:18:40,067
You better hope you didn't.
He phoned me the next day
and asked me out.

387
00:18:40,134 --> 00:18:43,034
I'm sure i didn't.
Almost sure.

388
00:18:43,100 --> 00:18:47,334
Why do i always end up
arranging a cab for
the office party drunk?

389
00:18:47,401 --> 00:18:50,200
It's becoming part
of my job description.

390
00:18:50,267 --> 00:18:51,900
That's a bit unfair.

391
00:18:51,967 --> 00:18:55,100
Well, in this case,
i feel responsible.

392
00:18:55,167 --> 00:18:58,833
You're too nice.
You've got a face
that says "doormat."

393
00:18:58,900 --> 00:19:01,167
Why can't i find
a bloke like you?

394
00:19:01,234 --> 00:19:03,933
I'm gonna use
the phone out there.
You be okay on your own?

395
00:19:04,000 --> 00:19:06,067
I expect I'll get by.

396
00:19:06,134 --> 00:19:08,167
You be
a brave girl now.

397
00:19:14,234 --> 00:19:17,134
Oh, didn't see
you two there.

398
00:19:17,200 --> 00:19:18,734
Hi.

399
00:19:18,800 --> 00:19:21,067
Well done, Patrick.
See you've pulled.

400
00:19:21,134 --> 00:19:23,434
Who's your
little friend?

401
00:19:23,501 --> 00:19:26,467
You know,
he's much cuter
than you are.

402
00:19:26,534 --> 00:19:28,367
Can <i>i</i> have him?

403
00:19:28,434 --> 00:19:29,900
He likes you, too.

404
00:19:29,967 --> 00:19:31,034
Sweet.

405
00:19:31,100 --> 00:19:33,701
Better get him home
before i start flirting.

406
00:19:33,768 --> 00:19:34,833
Good night.

407
00:19:34,900 --> 00:19:36,534
Good night.

408
00:19:45,401 --> 00:19:49,167
I hate that painting.
Patrick: Sally?

409
00:19:49,234 --> 00:19:52,334
Oh, where's
tweedle dumber?

410
00:19:52,401 --> 00:19:53,367
You okay?

411
00:19:53,434 --> 00:19:55,401
Fine.

412
00:19:55,467 --> 00:19:56,668
What do you want?

413
00:19:56,734 --> 00:20:01,367
Um...i was looking
for a phone number,
actually.

414
00:20:01,434 --> 00:20:02,701
Oh, God.
Susan's, right?

415
00:20:02,768 --> 00:20:03,768
Uh, well--

416
00:20:03,833 --> 00:20:06,434
men always want
Susan's number.

417
00:20:06,501 --> 00:20:08,867
It's her tiny
little bottom,
isn't it?

418
00:20:10,167 --> 00:20:12,134
Tiniest little bottom
in the world.

419
00:20:12,200 --> 00:20:15,301
It's like two tiny puppies
in a tiny little sack.

420
00:20:15,367 --> 00:20:17,701
That's why she bounces
when she walks.

421
00:20:17,768 --> 00:20:19,800
Her little bottom
is just so happy

422
00:20:19,867 --> 00:20:22,134
with all the tiny
littleness in the world.

423
00:20:22,200 --> 00:20:24,067
Probably sings in the shower.

424
00:20:24,134 --> 00:20:26,034
It's the Walt Disney ass.

425
00:20:26,100 --> 00:20:28,067
Uh, this is
<i>Susan's</i> number?

426
00:20:28,134 --> 00:20:30,167
Yes. I do know it,
you know.

427
00:20:30,234 --> 00:20:32,800
Thank you.

428
00:20:32,867 --> 00:20:35,833
What are you doing?
Let go of me.

429
00:20:35,900 --> 00:20:37,867
I don't think i can.

430
00:20:37,933 --> 00:20:39,867
Oh, i get it.
A few drinks,

431
00:20:39,933 --> 00:20:41,668
and I'm suddenly
a lot more attractive.

432
00:20:41,734 --> 00:20:44,301
Believe me, that really
isn't the case.

433
00:20:47,967 --> 00:20:50,567
The music's stopped.

434
00:20:50,634 --> 00:20:52,167
What?

435
00:20:52,234 --> 00:20:54,534
Put on
some more music.

436
00:20:54,601 --> 00:20:57,701
Uh, well,
what do you want?

437
00:20:57,768 --> 00:21:03,100
If you can find it...
<i> Adame butterfly.</i>

438
00:21:03,167 --> 00:21:05,768
Well?
What happened?

439
00:21:05,833 --> 00:21:07,634
I can't remember!

440
00:21:07,701 --> 00:21:09,334
How can you
not remember?

441
00:21:09,401 --> 00:21:12,200
You had the butterfly
music and everything.

442
00:21:12,267 --> 00:21:14,967
I know, but i can't!

443
00:21:15,034 --> 00:21:17,301
Maybe it just wasn't
any good.

444
00:21:18,601 --> 00:21:20,534
You had a snog?

445
00:21:20,601 --> 00:21:23,567
Bit of a snog
just before i left.

446
00:21:23,634 --> 00:21:25,100
You never mentioned
that before.

447
00:21:25,167 --> 00:21:26,567
Sally's never
mentioned it.

448
00:21:26,634 --> 00:21:28,900
Maybe she's forgotten.

449
00:21:28,967 --> 00:21:32,034
Forgotten a snog?

450
00:21:32,100 --> 00:21:35,567
I think it would
have been quite hard
for Sally to remember.

451
00:21:35,634 --> 00:21:40,034
Why do i always end up
arranging a cab for
the office party drunk?

452
00:21:40,100 --> 00:21:42,601
It's becoming part
of my job description.

453
00:21:44,301 --> 00:21:48,401
That is a fucking shame!

454
00:21:51,334 --> 00:21:53,833
In this case,
i feel responsible.

455
00:21:53,900 --> 00:21:57,534
You're too nice.
You've got a face
like a doorknob.

456
00:21:59,601 --> 00:22:02,933
I wish i was a lesbian

457
00:22:03,000 --> 00:22:05,967
and you were a man.

458
00:22:06,034 --> 00:22:09,200
I'm gonna use
the phone out there.
You be okay on your own?

459
00:22:09,267 --> 00:22:11,967
I'm gonna miss you, Susan.

460
00:22:12,034 --> 00:22:14,334
You be a brave girl now.

461
00:22:15,933 --> 00:22:17,933
( sobs )

462
00:22:22,467 --> 00:22:25,867
oh! I didn't
see you two there.

463
00:22:28,401 --> 00:22:30,167
Hi.

464
00:22:30,234 --> 00:22:33,167
Well done, Patrick.
I see you've pulled.

465
00:22:33,234 --> 00:22:35,334
Who's your little friend?

466
00:22:35,401 --> 00:22:38,200
You know,
he's much cuter
than you are.

467
00:22:38,267 --> 00:22:40,200
Can <i>i</i> have him?

468
00:22:40,267 --> 00:22:42,434
He likes you, too.

469
00:22:42,501 --> 00:22:45,401
Sweet.

470
00:22:45,467 --> 00:22:47,401
Oh, well, good night.

471
00:22:47,467 --> 00:22:49,601
Good night.

472
00:22:58,967 --> 00:23:02,634
I hate that painting!

473
00:23:02,701 --> 00:23:04,034
Sally?

474
00:23:04,100 --> 00:23:06,167
Oh.

475
00:23:07,668 --> 00:23:11,933
Where's humpty-dumpty
or...

476
00:23:14,967 --> 00:23:16,167
You okay?

477
00:23:16,234 --> 00:23:18,933
Fine.
What do you want?

478
00:23:19,000 --> 00:23:21,668
Uh...

479
00:23:21,734 --> 00:23:24,367
Well, i was actually
after a phone number.

480
00:23:24,434 --> 00:23:27,000
Oh, God.
Susan's, right?

481
00:23:27,067 --> 00:23:28,334
No, i want your number,
actually.

482
00:23:28,401 --> 00:23:30,200
Men always want
Susan's number.

483
00:23:30,267 --> 00:23:32,034
No, i want <i>your</i> number.

484
00:23:32,100 --> 00:23:35,434
It's her teeny, tiny,
little bottom, isn't it?

485
00:23:35,501 --> 00:23:38,367
Teeny, teeny,
tiny, little bottom.

486
00:23:38,434 --> 00:23:43,301
Susan's bottom
is full of puppies,

487
00:23:43,367 --> 00:23:45,634
tiny, happy
little puppies.

488
00:23:45,701 --> 00:23:47,634
That's why
she walks like that.

489
00:23:47,701 --> 00:23:49,134
Boing, boing.
Woof! Woof!

490
00:23:49,200 --> 00:23:51,501
Sorry, that's <i>your</i> number
you're writing down?

491
00:23:51,567 --> 00:23:52,768
Yes. Yes.

492
00:23:52,833 --> 00:23:54,800
In the shower,

493
00:23:54,867 --> 00:23:57,301
all the tiny,
little puppies

494
00:23:57,367 --> 00:23:59,234
climb out and sing,

495
00:23:59,301 --> 00:24:02,401
like in <i>Bambi.</i>

496
00:24:07,067 --> 00:24:08,301
God.

497
00:24:10,301 --> 00:24:12,800
Sally, this is
<i>your</i> number?

498
00:24:12,867 --> 00:24:15,167
Yes! I do know it,
you know!

499
00:24:15,234 --> 00:24:16,933
Thank you.

500
00:24:18,167 --> 00:24:20,367
What are you doing?

501
00:24:20,434 --> 00:24:21,668
Let go of me.

502
00:24:21,734 --> 00:24:23,567
I don't think i can.

503
00:24:23,634 --> 00:24:25,601
Oh, i see.
A few drinks,

504
00:24:25,668 --> 00:24:28,401
and I'm suddenly
a lot more attractive.

505
00:24:28,467 --> 00:24:31,034
Believe me, that really
isn't the case.

506
00:24:38,668 --> 00:24:40,668
More music.

507
00:24:40,734 --> 00:24:42,467
What?

508
00:24:43,601 --> 00:24:45,467
More music.

509
00:24:45,534 --> 00:24:48,534
Well, um,
what do you want?

510
00:24:50,167 --> 00:24:51,867
<i> Adame butterfly.</i>

511
00:24:51,933 --> 00:24:54,867
What is that?
Is that a movie?

512
00:24:54,933 --> 00:24:56,734
Just find it.

513
00:24:56,800 --> 00:24:59,634
It's about a woman
who can change herself
into a butterfly.

514
00:24:59,701 --> 00:25:01,933
I think i might
have seen that, yeah.

515
00:25:02,000 --> 00:25:05,334
I want the big aria bit.

516
00:25:05,401 --> 00:25:08,134
Aria? Is that like
her underground base
or something?

517
00:25:08,200 --> 00:25:11,534
Just play it, or I'll go
and find your friend.

518
00:25:15,800 --> 00:25:17,833
You found it.

519
00:25:17,900 --> 00:25:20,867
Good boy.
Come here.

520
00:25:20,933 --> 00:25:24,000
It's not <i>madame butterfly,</i>
but i found something similar.

521
00:25:25,367 --> 00:25:27,467
( <i>spider-man</i> theme playing )

522
00:25:27,534 --> 00:25:29,867
<i>* spider-man, spider-man *</i>

523
00:25:29,933 --> 00:25:31,967
<i>* does whatever</i>
<i>a spider can * </i>

524
00:25:32,034 --> 00:25:34,234
<i>* spins a Web</i>
<i>any size *</i>

525
00:25:34,301 --> 00:25:36,267
<i>* catches thieves</i>
<i>just like flies *</i>

526
00:25:36,334 --> 00:25:37,634
<i>* look out! *</i>

527
00:25:37,701 --> 00:25:40,933
<i>* here comes the spider-man! *</i>

528
00:25:41,000 --> 00:25:43,434
<i>* is he strong?</i>
<i> Isten, bud! *</i>

529
00:25:43,501 --> 00:25:45,534
<i>* he's got</i>
<i>radioactive blood... *</i>

530
00:25:45,601 --> 00:25:47,467
oh, wow!

531
00:25:47,534 --> 00:25:49,301
Yeah.

532
00:25:49,367 --> 00:25:50,967
Oh, look.

533
00:25:51,034 --> 00:25:53,267
Your little friend's
come back.

534
00:25:53,334 --> 00:25:55,334
( thud )

535
00:25:55,401 --> 00:25:58,301
( snoring )

536
00:26:01,267 --> 00:26:04,833
Sally: Patrick, hi.
It's me.

537
00:26:04,900 --> 00:26:07,867
Just wanted to say
i know it's Sunday,

538
00:26:07,933 --> 00:26:11,000
but i don't really feel
like a movie tonight.

539
00:26:11,067 --> 00:26:13,134
I don't have a date
or anything,

540
00:26:13,200 --> 00:26:16,134
so i don't want you
coming around to check
in my bedroom for spiders.

541
00:26:16,200 --> 00:26:19,501
I'm just not
in a movie mood.

542
00:26:19,567 --> 00:26:23,734
Well, if you're not
in a movie mood, either,
then what's the point?

543
00:26:23,800 --> 00:26:26,833
We don't have to see
a movie every week, do we?

544
00:26:27,967 --> 00:26:29,800
Okay, great.

545
00:26:29,867 --> 00:26:31,534
See you soon.

546
00:26:37,833 --> 00:26:39,634
Oh.

547
00:26:39,701 --> 00:26:40,867
Hi.

548
00:26:40,933 --> 00:26:42,867
Yeah, hi.

549
00:26:47,768 --> 00:26:51,434
Sometimes it's nice
to see a movie at home.

550
00:26:51,501 --> 00:26:52,933
Yeah.

551
00:26:53,000 --> 00:26:56,601
And we don't always want
to see the same things.

552
00:26:58,668 --> 00:27:00,067
So, what have you got?

553
00:27:00,134 --> 00:27:02,734
<i> Anilla sky.</i>

554
00:27:02,800 --> 00:27:04,567
Oh.

555
00:27:04,634 --> 00:27:05,967
You?

556
00:27:08,534 --> 00:27:10,100
Yeah.

557
00:27:11,501 --> 00:27:13,234
Anyway, better be going.

558
00:27:13,301 --> 00:27:16,401
Don't want to miss
the, um...

559
00:27:17,668 --> 00:27:19,000
...video.

560
00:27:23,267 --> 00:27:24,234
Patrick.

561
00:27:24,301 --> 00:27:26,167
Yeah?

562
00:27:27,701 --> 00:27:30,067
It's never gonna be us,
is it?

563
00:27:30,134 --> 00:27:33,800
I mean, it just isn't,
is it?

564
00:27:35,334 --> 00:27:36,967
I suppose not, no.

565
00:27:37,034 --> 00:27:41,634
Something would have
happened by now,
as opposed to...

566
00:27:41,701 --> 00:27:44,167
Not happening.

567
00:27:44,234 --> 00:27:45,933
Yeah.

568
00:27:46,000 --> 00:27:48,234
The thing is...

569
00:27:48,301 --> 00:27:50,601
If we keep hanging out
like this,

570
00:27:50,668 --> 00:27:54,067
it's maybe gonna stop
something else happening,
isn't it?

571
00:27:54,134 --> 00:27:57,933
What with the occasional
spider rescue scenario.

572
00:27:59,167 --> 00:28:00,334
Yeah.

573
00:28:00,401 --> 00:28:02,367
Don't look like that.

574
00:28:02,434 --> 00:28:06,900
We can still be...alive.

575
00:28:09,434 --> 00:28:11,367
Look, I'll see you, okay?

576
00:28:11,434 --> 00:28:14,434
Yeah. Absolutely.

577
00:28:14,501 --> 00:28:16,534
See ya.

578
00:28:16,601 --> 00:28:18,967
Only not quite as often.

579
00:28:19,034 --> 00:28:21,067
Exactly, yeah.

580
00:28:27,967 --> 00:28:30,867
* spins a Web
any size *

581
00:28:30,933 --> 00:28:33,034
* catches thieves
just like flies *

582
00:28:33,100 --> 00:28:34,067
* look out! *

583
00:28:34,134 --> 00:28:37,467
* here comes the spider-man! *

584
00:28:37,534 --> 00:28:41,100
( aria from <i>madame butterfly</i>
playing )