1 00:02:14,851 --> 00:02:16,978 Hi. Welcome to the future. 2 00:02:17,287 --> 00:02:20,484 San Dimas, California, 2688. 3 00:02:20,791 --> 00:02:23,317 And I'm telling you, it's great here. 4 00:02:23,394 --> 00:02:26,089 The air is clean. The water's clean. 5 00:02:26,330 --> 00:02:28,456 Even the dirt is clean. 6 00:02:29,033 --> 00:02:33,060 Bowling averages are way up. Mini-golf scores are way down. 7 00:02:33,170 --> 00:02:35,469 And we have more excellent waterslides... 8 00:02:35,539 --> 00:02:38,032 ...than any other planet we communicate with. 9 00:02:38,342 --> 00:02:40,868 I'm telling you, this place is great... 10 00:02:41,280 --> 00:02:43,008 ...but it almost wasn't. 11 00:02:43,214 --> 00:02:46,741 You see, 700 years ago, the two great ones... 12 00:02:47,286 --> 00:02:48,980 ...ran into a few problems. 13 00:02:49,053 --> 00:02:51,716 So now I have to travel back in time to help them out. 14 00:02:53,058 --> 00:02:55,652 If I fail to keep these two on the correct path... 15 00:02:55,894 --> 00:02:57,987 ... the basis of our society will be in danger. 16 00:02:58,397 --> 00:03:01,093 Don't worry, it'll all make sense. I'm a professional. 17 00:03:02,167 --> 00:03:04,965 I'm Bill S. Preston, Esquire! 18 00:03:05,038 --> 00:03:09,565 And I'm Ted... Hold on. Bill, here, you take it. 19 00:03:09,776 --> 00:03:10,970 Okay. 20 00:03:15,048 --> 00:03:18,176 - And I'm Ted "Theodore" Logan. - Yeah! 21 00:03:23,256 --> 00:03:26,453 And we're Wyld Stallyns! 22 00:03:36,504 --> 00:03:39,302 - Smell it, dude. - Let's bail. 23 00:03:49,483 --> 00:03:50,848 We blew it. 24 00:03:51,652 --> 00:03:53,779 Guess we used too much power. 25 00:03:54,356 --> 00:03:55,721 I liked it. 26 00:03:58,894 --> 00:04:02,990 While I agree that, in time, our band will be most triumphant... 27 00:04:03,065 --> 00:04:06,033 ...the truth is, Wyld Stallyns will never be a super band... 28 00:04:06,101 --> 00:04:08,126 ...until we have Eddie Van Halen on guitar. 29 00:04:08,770 --> 00:04:12,705 Yes, but I do not believe we will get Eddie Van Halen... 30 00:04:12,774 --> 00:04:14,401 ...until we have a triumphant video. 31 00:04:14,943 --> 00:04:17,412 It's pointless to have a triumphant video... 32 00:04:17,480 --> 00:04:19,971 ...before we even have decent instruments. 33 00:04:20,116 --> 00:04:23,415 How could we have decent instruments if we don't know how to play? 34 00:04:24,086 --> 00:04:26,110 That is why we need Eddie Van Halen! 35 00:04:26,621 --> 00:04:29,112 And that is why we need a triumphant video. 36 00:04:31,227 --> 00:04:32,455 Excellent! 37 00:04:37,533 --> 00:04:39,262 - We're late! - For what? 38 00:04:39,602 --> 00:04:41,866 - For school, dude! - Yeah. 39 00:04:51,048 --> 00:04:53,243 Bill, I'm waiting. 40 00:04:55,551 --> 00:04:56,541 He's dead? 41 00:04:58,789 --> 00:05:02,692 What you're telling me, essentially, is that Napoleon... 42 00:05:03,328 --> 00:05:06,161 ...was a short dead dude. 43 00:05:07,966 --> 00:05:08,954 Yeah. 44 00:05:09,867 --> 00:05:11,629 You totally blew it, dude. 45 00:05:12,036 --> 00:05:14,062 - Ted, stand up. - Stand up? 46 00:05:14,139 --> 00:05:15,504 Yes, son. Stand up. 47 00:05:18,410 --> 00:05:19,569 Now... 48 00:05:20,645 --> 00:05:21,805 Who was Joan of Arc? 49 00:05:24,581 --> 00:05:25,571 Noah's wife. 50 00:05:29,888 --> 00:05:32,755 Listen, guys, don't forget: Tomorrow, final report... 51 00:05:32,891 --> 00:05:34,687 ...1:30 to 3:30, okay? 52 00:05:40,598 --> 00:05:41,860 Guys. 53 00:05:45,037 --> 00:05:46,402 Mr. Ryan... 54 00:05:47,039 --> 00:05:51,533 Before you say anything, my distinguished colleague, Ted, and I... 55 00:05:51,711 --> 00:05:54,201 ...wish to express to you our thanks... 56 00:05:54,513 --> 00:05:57,348 ...for all the things we have learned in your class. 57 00:05:57,417 --> 00:05:58,782 And what have you learned? 58 00:06:03,923 --> 00:06:06,756 We've learned that the world has a great history. 59 00:06:07,193 --> 00:06:11,790 Yes. And that thanks to great leaders such as... 60 00:06:12,833 --> 00:06:14,823 ...Genghis Khan, Joan of Arc... 61 00:06:14,935 --> 00:06:16,925 ...and Socratic Method... 62 00:06:17,004 --> 00:06:20,700 ...the world is full of history. 63 00:06:24,011 --> 00:06:28,641 It seems to me the only thing you've learned is that Caesar... 64 00:06:29,950 --> 00:06:31,781 ...is a "salad-dressing dude." 65 00:06:33,188 --> 00:06:35,451 Bill, Ted, this is really quite simple. 66 00:06:35,523 --> 00:06:37,957 You have flunked every section of this class. 67 00:06:39,160 --> 00:06:43,119 Now, unless you get an A plus on your final oral report tomorrow... 68 00:06:43,965 --> 00:06:47,059 ...guys, I have no choice but to flunk the both of you. 69 00:06:48,203 --> 00:06:49,363 You know your topics. 70 00:06:50,205 --> 00:06:53,571 So I would suggest you at least cover those areas... 71 00:06:54,175 --> 00:06:56,042 ...if you want to pass the course. 72 00:06:56,545 --> 00:06:58,707 - Understand? - Yes, sir. 73 00:06:59,448 --> 00:07:00,642 Okay. 74 00:07:04,553 --> 00:07:09,082 Your report had better be something very special. 75 00:07:12,295 --> 00:07:13,387 Man. 76 00:07:15,865 --> 00:07:18,925 What are we supposed to know for our report? 77 00:07:19,001 --> 00:07:20,161 I'm not sure. 78 00:07:20,236 --> 00:07:23,672 One thing I know is that Joan of Arc is not Noah's wife. 79 00:07:23,741 --> 00:07:28,371 - Then who is Noah's wife? - I don't know, Ted. 80 00:07:28,812 --> 00:07:32,747 But I do know we're in serious trouble. Listen to this: 81 00:07:33,717 --> 00:07:36,811 "Express to the class how an important historical figure... 82 00:07:36,887 --> 00:07:38,617 "... from each of your time periods... 83 00:07:38,690 --> 00:07:42,147 "... would view the world of San Dimas, 1988." 84 00:07:44,027 --> 00:07:47,690 We're in danger of flunking most heinously tomorrow. 85 00:07:48,832 --> 00:07:51,597 - Hi, Bill. Want a ride? - Sure, Missy. 86 00:07:53,004 --> 00:07:53,993 I mean, Mom. 87 00:07:57,008 --> 00:07:59,476 - Your stepmom is cute. - Shut up. 88 00:07:59,544 --> 00:08:02,876 Remember when she was a senior and we were freshmen? 89 00:08:09,755 --> 00:08:12,450 I'll be right back as soon as I get my books. 90 00:08:25,704 --> 00:08:29,162 - What are you doing home, Dad? - I'm looking for my keys. 91 00:08:29,842 --> 00:08:31,707 You haven't done anything with them? 92 00:08:33,078 --> 00:08:34,306 No, sir. 93 00:08:34,446 --> 00:08:36,745 I spoke to your principal today. 94 00:08:37,250 --> 00:08:39,911 - He said you're failing history. - Me and Bill... 95 00:08:39,985 --> 00:08:43,422 He also said that if you fail history, you flunk out of school. 96 00:08:44,858 --> 00:08:47,588 You know what that would mean, don't you? 97 00:08:48,028 --> 00:08:51,988 That I would have to go to Oates Military Academy, sir. 98 00:08:52,767 --> 00:08:55,360 I spoke to Col. Oates this morning. 99 00:08:57,437 --> 00:09:00,031 He's anxious to meet you. 100 00:09:15,388 --> 00:09:19,348 Dude, we gotta pass, otherwise there's no more band. 101 00:09:20,162 --> 00:09:23,598 - Why? - My dad's sending me to military school. 102 00:09:24,333 --> 00:09:25,492 Where? 103 00:09:27,001 --> 00:09:28,161 Alaska. 104 00:09:30,104 --> 00:09:31,265 Alaska. 105 00:09:38,280 --> 00:09:42,272 It is time. Their separation is imminent. 106 00:10:12,215 --> 00:10:13,910 Be excellent to each other. 107 00:10:15,653 --> 00:10:17,314 Party on, dude. 108 00:10:46,151 --> 00:10:48,085 Okay, Ted, George Washington. 109 00:10:48,320 --> 00:10:53,155 - One: The father of our country. - Two: Born on Presidents' Day. 110 00:10:53,692 --> 00:10:56,252 Three: The dollar-bill guy. 111 00:10:56,795 --> 00:10:59,424 You ever made a mushroom out of his head? 112 00:10:59,865 --> 00:11:00,923 Alaska. 113 00:11:03,002 --> 00:11:04,094 Okay. 114 00:11:07,739 --> 00:11:10,037 Had wooden teeth, chased Moby Dick. 115 00:11:11,177 --> 00:11:13,169 That's Capt. Ahab, dude. 116 00:11:14,747 --> 00:11:17,080 Wait. Remember Disney World? 117 00:11:17,250 --> 00:11:20,776 - Hall of Presidents? - Yeah, good. What did he say? 118 00:11:22,021 --> 00:11:24,319 "Welcome to the Hall of Presidents." 119 00:11:25,992 --> 00:11:28,484 Hi. I brought you guys some food. 120 00:11:40,540 --> 00:11:42,406 It's your mom, dude. 121 00:11:43,478 --> 00:11:44,604 How's it going? 122 00:11:46,080 --> 00:11:47,138 Bad. 123 00:11:48,116 --> 00:11:51,483 We're destined to flunk most egregiously tomorrow. 124 00:11:51,986 --> 00:11:56,218 And I am destined to end up at Oates Military Academy. 125 00:11:56,825 --> 00:11:59,088 And then we will never start our band. 126 00:12:00,962 --> 00:12:03,396 Good. 127 00:12:09,538 --> 00:12:12,666 - What are you guys studying, anyway? - History. 128 00:12:12,875 --> 00:12:14,035 Mr. Ryan? 129 00:12:14,843 --> 00:12:16,242 Tell him hi. 130 00:12:16,412 --> 00:12:19,575 Why don't you guys take a dinner break? 131 00:12:20,815 --> 00:12:22,215 Thanks, Dad. 132 00:12:36,399 --> 00:12:39,630 Now your dad is going for it in your own room. 133 00:12:39,703 --> 00:12:40,931 Shut up. 134 00:12:41,805 --> 00:12:44,831 - Your stepmom is cute, though. - Shut up. 135 00:12:44,908 --> 00:12:48,207 - Remember when I asked her to the prom? - Shut up! 136 00:12:51,747 --> 00:12:54,309 1275. 137 00:12:56,853 --> 00:12:59,287 Okay, the lady in that car over there... 138 00:12:59,356 --> 00:13:02,792 ...said that Marco Polo was in the year 1275. 139 00:13:03,360 --> 00:13:06,158 It's not just a water sport. I knew it. 140 00:13:06,965 --> 00:13:10,525 Excuse me. When did the Mongols rule China? 141 00:13:11,168 --> 00:13:13,433 I don't know. I just work here. 142 00:13:18,709 --> 00:13:21,611 - You want to try the Thrifty Mart? - Sure. 143 00:13:43,903 --> 00:13:45,564 Not bad. 144 00:13:50,077 --> 00:13:52,739 Greetings, my excellent friends. 145 00:13:54,081 --> 00:13:56,572 Do you know when the Mongols ruled China? 146 00:13:59,619 --> 00:14:00,915 Perhaps we can ask them. 147 00:14:04,391 --> 00:14:06,689 Bill S. Preston, Esquire. 148 00:14:08,495 --> 00:14:10,485 And Ted "Theodore" Logan. 149 00:14:11,465 --> 00:14:12,762 Gentlemen... 150 00:14:13,133 --> 00:14:15,464 I'm here to help you with your history report. 151 00:14:16,203 --> 00:14:19,104 - What? - How? 152 00:14:22,242 --> 00:14:23,801 I hate that part. 153 00:14:25,245 --> 00:14:27,270 - Bill. - What? 154 00:14:27,347 --> 00:14:30,875 Strange things are afoot at the Circle K. 155 00:14:36,925 --> 00:14:39,917 Dudes, you guys are going to go back in time! 156 00:14:40,661 --> 00:14:44,792 You are going to have the most excellent adventure through history. 157 00:14:45,465 --> 00:14:48,368 - Who are you guys? - We're you, dude! 158 00:14:48,904 --> 00:14:50,166 No way. 159 00:14:50,906 --> 00:14:54,136 - No way. - Yes way! 160 00:14:54,209 --> 00:14:55,403 We know how you feel. 161 00:14:55,944 --> 00:14:58,105 We didn't believe it either when we were you... 162 00:14:58,179 --> 00:15:01,012 ...and we-us said what we-us are saying right now. 163 00:15:01,082 --> 00:15:02,550 Okay, wait. 164 00:15:02,953 --> 00:15:05,444 If you guys are really us... 165 00:15:07,324 --> 00:15:09,257 ...what number are we thinking of? 166 00:15:10,292 --> 00:15:12,487 Sixty-nine, dudes! 167 00:15:19,336 --> 00:15:23,897 - Look, dudes, we gotta go. - Yeah, we gotta get back to the report. 168 00:15:24,039 --> 00:15:25,200 Rufus! 169 00:15:26,508 --> 00:15:29,875 Listen to this dude Rufus. He knows what he's talking about. 170 00:15:29,945 --> 00:15:33,677 Right. And, Ted, give my love to the princesses. 171 00:15:34,185 --> 00:15:36,880 - Who? - You'll see. 172 00:15:38,388 --> 00:15:40,618 Gentlemen, is everything all right? 173 00:15:40,690 --> 00:15:43,659 Yeah, except how come the number we dialed... 174 00:15:44,897 --> 00:15:47,194 Don't forget to wind your watch! 175 00:15:49,767 --> 00:15:51,997 Thanks, Rufus. 176 00:15:53,004 --> 00:15:55,199 Catch you later, Bill and Ted! 177 00:16:07,119 --> 00:16:09,781 Dude, are you sure we should be doing this? 178 00:16:10,521 --> 00:16:13,754 Ted, you and I have witnessed many things... 179 00:16:14,494 --> 00:16:17,656 ...but nothing as bodacious as what just happened. 180 00:16:18,263 --> 00:16:20,561 Besides, we told ourselves to listen to this guy. 181 00:16:22,201 --> 00:16:23,531 What if we were lying? 182 00:16:26,238 --> 00:16:28,104 Why would we lie to ourselves? 183 00:16:33,913 --> 00:16:35,778 How are you going to help us? 184 00:16:35,847 --> 00:16:38,442 Yeah, are you going to call someone and get the answers? 185 00:16:38,518 --> 00:16:41,716 Gentlemen, we're going to do a lot more than that. 186 00:16:44,625 --> 00:16:46,285 Excellent. 187 00:16:48,928 --> 00:16:50,896 Brace yourselves, amigos. 188 00:16:59,940 --> 00:17:01,339 Gentlemen... 189 00:17:03,144 --> 00:17:04,303 We're history. 190 00:17:12,721 --> 00:17:16,178 Rufus, where are we, dude? 191 00:17:16,825 --> 00:17:18,985 These are the circuits of history, gentlemen. 192 00:17:19,059 --> 00:17:21,927 They'll take us to any point in time we wish. 193 00:17:22,029 --> 00:17:23,087 How? 194 00:17:23,964 --> 00:17:26,160 Modern technology, William. 195 00:17:44,186 --> 00:17:48,247 - That was most unprecedented, Rufus. - Yeah. 196 00:17:50,092 --> 00:17:51,991 But where are we, Rufus? 197 00:17:53,429 --> 00:17:55,660 Austria, 1805. 198 00:17:56,599 --> 00:17:58,191 The French have just invaded. 199 00:18:01,270 --> 00:18:03,238 Bill, check it out! 200 00:18:04,107 --> 00:18:06,598 We're in the middle of a war, dude! 201 00:18:18,989 --> 00:18:21,752 Amigos, time to depart. 202 00:18:24,729 --> 00:18:26,287 How's it going, dude? 203 00:19:01,232 --> 00:19:02,564 Now where are we, dude? 204 00:19:04,536 --> 00:19:05,798 It's my house. 205 00:19:05,871 --> 00:19:10,400 Rufus, can we go anywhere we want at any time? 206 00:19:10,543 --> 00:19:12,306 You can do anything you want... 207 00:19:12,378 --> 00:19:15,006 ...as long as you remember this: No matter what happens... 208 00:19:15,081 --> 00:19:17,878 ...you must get to that report. Got it? 209 00:19:18,251 --> 00:19:19,913 All right, amigos... 210 00:19:20,053 --> 00:19:23,114 ...that book will give you the number of anyplace you want to go. 211 00:19:24,124 --> 00:19:27,560 Now, most important, no matter what you do... 212 00:19:27,628 --> 00:19:32,291 ...no matter where you go, that clock, the clock in San Dimas... 213 00:19:32,732 --> 00:19:34,325 ...is always running. 214 00:19:34,401 --> 00:19:35,766 - Got it? - Yeah. 215 00:19:36,036 --> 00:19:38,265 All right, time for me to go. 216 00:19:38,739 --> 00:19:41,765 - What do you mean, Rufus? - Yeah, aren't you coming with us? 217 00:19:42,143 --> 00:19:44,736 Gentlemen, you're on your own. 218 00:19:59,126 --> 00:20:01,287 - Ted? - What? 219 00:20:02,096 --> 00:20:04,725 This has been a most unusual day. 220 00:20:15,009 --> 00:20:17,172 - It's Napoleon. - Who? 221 00:20:17,613 --> 00:20:20,912 The short dead dude from our history review. 222 00:20:22,117 --> 00:20:24,312 I have a most excellent idea. 223 00:20:24,587 --> 00:20:27,351 Grab his legs. We gotta get him inside. 224 00:20:28,557 --> 00:20:31,186 I think I figured out a way to pass our report. 225 00:20:31,260 --> 00:20:32,386 How? 226 00:20:32,461 --> 00:20:36,796 We got one historical figure here, maybe we can go back and get more. 227 00:20:37,366 --> 00:20:38,492 Yeah. 228 00:20:39,001 --> 00:20:41,970 Deacon, you have to watch this guy. 229 00:20:42,038 --> 00:20:46,499 His name is Napoleon. He is a very famous French dude. 230 00:20:46,577 --> 00:20:49,478 We've decided to collect other important figures from history... 231 00:20:49,546 --> 00:20:51,343 ...for an oral report we are doing. 232 00:20:51,415 --> 00:20:55,112 While we are gone, you are not to let him out of your sight. 233 00:20:55,185 --> 00:20:58,950 Here is some money. Take him to the movies or something. 234 00:21:06,164 --> 00:21:07,756 Napoleon? 235 00:21:08,465 --> 00:21:10,626 I am Bill. 236 00:21:11,702 --> 00:21:15,400 We'll take you back to France after you tell us what you think of San Dimas. 237 00:21:15,974 --> 00:21:19,171 - This is Ted's little brother, Deacon. - Hi. 238 00:21:19,244 --> 00:21:20,768 He'll take care of you. 239 00:21:24,449 --> 00:21:27,213 - Ready, Ted? - Ready, Bill. 240 00:21:27,518 --> 00:21:29,714 Let's go back into history. 241 00:21:34,093 --> 00:21:36,493 This should be most triumphant. 242 00:21:37,528 --> 00:21:39,723 I want to speak with you, son. 243 00:21:40,598 --> 00:21:42,294 Alone, please, Bill. 244 00:21:45,472 --> 00:21:47,234 All right, sit down. 245 00:21:49,942 --> 00:21:52,069 What am I going to do with you? 246 00:21:52,144 --> 00:21:53,305 Great. 247 00:21:53,912 --> 00:21:56,608 You lose my keys, you fail history. 248 00:21:56,849 --> 00:21:58,943 You spend all your time with your loser friend... 249 00:21:59,019 --> 00:22:01,044 ...planning a band that will never happen. 250 00:22:01,121 --> 00:22:04,579 You're not to leave this house until tomorrow morning. 251 00:22:08,361 --> 00:22:09,350 Yes? 252 00:22:09,429 --> 00:22:13,832 Capt. Logan, this is Dep. Van Halen down at the station. 253 00:22:14,135 --> 00:22:15,931 Dep. Van Halen? 254 00:22:19,774 --> 00:22:21,707 I'm new, dude... sir. 255 00:22:22,143 --> 00:22:24,940 Look, we found your keys... 256 00:22:25,011 --> 00:22:28,345 ... and if you want them, you better come and get them. 257 00:22:32,019 --> 00:22:36,581 When I get back from the station, I want you packed and ready to go. Got it? 258 00:22:43,565 --> 00:22:45,623 We are in serious trouble. 259 00:22:45,866 --> 00:22:48,995 My dad already signed me up. My plane leaves tomorrow night. 260 00:22:50,005 --> 00:22:52,063 That's only if we fail, dude. 261 00:22:56,645 --> 00:22:58,237 No way! 262 00:22:59,615 --> 00:23:03,880 Okay, we got Sigmund Frood, Beeth Oven... 263 00:23:03,952 --> 00:23:08,150 Is there one for the Western Movement in America in the 19th century? 264 00:23:09,058 --> 00:23:10,150 Yeah. 265 00:23:10,693 --> 00:23:12,160 Well, then... 266 00:23:13,629 --> 00:23:16,029 Let's reach out and touch someone. 267 00:24:05,316 --> 00:24:07,512 How's it going, Old West dude? 268 00:24:09,121 --> 00:24:12,420 This is just like Frontierland. 269 00:24:12,491 --> 00:24:14,959 Yeah, but you can get shot here. 270 00:24:16,294 --> 00:24:19,092 - So just try to act natural. - Okay. 271 00:24:22,635 --> 00:24:24,535 - Howdy, partner. - Howdy. 272 00:24:24,603 --> 00:24:28,061 - Watch out for the horse crap. - Thanks, dude. 273 00:24:28,707 --> 00:24:30,902 - I'm totally thirsty. - Me, too. 274 00:24:46,460 --> 00:24:48,120 Two beers, please. 275 00:24:54,134 --> 00:24:58,764 - He didn't even card us, dude. - Yeah, we'll have to remember this place. 276 00:25:05,713 --> 00:25:07,613 Who should we take with us? 277 00:25:18,426 --> 00:25:21,156 - Who's he? - He's Billy the Kid. 278 00:25:22,530 --> 00:25:25,966 He's famous, dude. Let's bag him. 279 00:25:28,937 --> 00:25:30,563 I need two men. 280 00:25:32,574 --> 00:25:33,802 Who's with me? 281 00:25:34,443 --> 00:25:36,536 We're with you, Billy the Kid. 282 00:25:45,754 --> 00:25:49,714 Here's the deal. What I win, I keep. 283 00:25:50,426 --> 00:25:53,418 What you win, I keep. 284 00:25:54,597 --> 00:25:56,360 Sounds good, Mr. The Kid. 285 00:26:11,447 --> 00:26:15,509 Dude, you've got to have a poker face like me. 286 00:26:20,624 --> 00:26:22,387 Three aces! 287 00:26:24,194 --> 00:26:26,287 What the hell's going on here, Billy? 288 00:26:27,931 --> 00:26:29,957 Are you a-cheatin' us, Kid? 289 00:26:31,636 --> 00:26:34,763 Cheating? Me? 290 00:26:53,625 --> 00:26:54,990 Excellent! 291 00:27:02,635 --> 00:27:07,504 Look, we're totally weak. We can't possibly fight you. 292 00:27:07,973 --> 00:27:11,465 However, how would you gentlemen like... 293 00:27:11,977 --> 00:27:16,575 ...free passes to Waterloo, home of excellent waterslides? 294 00:27:17,583 --> 00:27:19,107 Nice try, dude. 295 00:27:33,533 --> 00:27:34,761 Come on. 296 00:27:37,204 --> 00:27:39,968 - Look. - It's the Goodyear blimp. 297 00:27:47,014 --> 00:27:49,448 I can't believe they fell for that. 298 00:27:54,122 --> 00:27:55,886 - Let's get 'em! - Let's kill them! 299 00:27:57,960 --> 00:27:59,187 Come on! 300 00:28:00,428 --> 00:28:03,727 - You guys saved my life. - Nothing doing, Billy the Kid. 301 00:28:03,798 --> 00:28:06,323 - Where are we going? - The golden age of civilization. 302 00:28:06,401 --> 00:28:08,699 - Where? - Ancient Greece, dude. 303 00:28:08,770 --> 00:28:11,968 Don't worry, we'll bring you back as soon as you talk at our report. 304 00:28:13,776 --> 00:28:14,765 What? 305 00:28:49,446 --> 00:28:50,845 Socrates? 306 00:28:51,815 --> 00:28:55,946 - We know that name. - Yeah. Look him up. 307 00:28:57,021 --> 00:28:58,885 It's under "So-crates." 308 00:28:59,290 --> 00:29:00,552 Yeah. 309 00:29:04,227 --> 00:29:05,592 "So-crates: 310 00:29:06,396 --> 00:29:07,831 "'The only true wisdom... 311 00:29:07,898 --> 00:29:10,958 "'... consists in knowing that you know nothing."' 312 00:29:13,471 --> 00:29:15,063 That's us, dude! 313 00:29:15,439 --> 00:29:16,701 Yeah! 314 00:29:17,241 --> 00:29:19,266 - Let's bag him. - Yeah. 315 00:29:35,327 --> 00:29:36,851 How's it going? 316 00:29:45,904 --> 00:29:49,898 I'm Bill. This is Ted. We're from the future. 317 00:29:52,278 --> 00:29:53,745 Socrates. 318 00:29:55,648 --> 00:29:56,910 Now what? 319 00:29:58,351 --> 00:29:59,818 I don't know. 320 00:30:01,053 --> 00:30:02,918 Philosophize with him. 321 00:30:08,996 --> 00:30:13,456 "All we are is dust in the wind," dude. 322 00:30:21,609 --> 00:30:22,700 Dust. 323 00:30:24,578 --> 00:30:25,670 Wind. 324 00:30:25,946 --> 00:30:26,935 Dude. 325 00:30:39,160 --> 00:30:41,354 Let's get out of here, dude. 326 00:30:50,840 --> 00:30:52,136 All right! 327 00:30:58,213 --> 00:31:00,078 Not bad, eh, So-crates? 328 00:31:01,584 --> 00:31:05,578 - Where are we, dude? - England, 15th century. 329 00:31:05,955 --> 00:31:08,719 We are in most excellent shape for our report. 330 00:31:08,791 --> 00:31:11,419 Yeah, all we need is one more speaker from Medieval. 331 00:31:11,493 --> 00:31:12,790 Excellent. 332 00:31:12,995 --> 00:31:16,557 Billy, you are dealing with the oddity of time travel... 333 00:31:16,632 --> 00:31:18,657 ...with the greatest of ease. 334 00:31:19,870 --> 00:31:21,201 Excuse me. 335 00:31:21,671 --> 00:31:23,730 Do you know where there are any personages... 336 00:31:23,806 --> 00:31:26,605 ...of historical significance around here? 337 00:31:33,817 --> 00:31:35,284 Check it out! 338 00:31:37,287 --> 00:31:39,346 Must be the castle of King Henry. 339 00:31:40,090 --> 00:31:41,615 Let's go, dude! 340 00:31:43,360 --> 00:31:45,386 Billy, guard the booth. 341 00:31:46,197 --> 00:31:48,028 And watch So-crates. 342 00:31:53,471 --> 00:31:56,065 Who should we get for Medieval? 343 00:31:58,009 --> 00:32:00,500 How about that gnarly old goat dude? 344 00:32:04,783 --> 00:32:06,250 I'm in love, dude. 345 00:32:13,225 --> 00:32:17,662 Those must be the princesses you told yourself about at the Circle K. 346 00:32:19,298 --> 00:32:23,200 We gotta go. It's a history report, not a babe report. 347 00:32:23,936 --> 00:32:25,335 But, Bill... 348 00:32:26,204 --> 00:32:28,537 Those are historical babes. 349 00:32:30,677 --> 00:32:31,701 Okay. 350 00:32:32,211 --> 00:32:36,307 You're the ladies' man. How are we gonna meet them? 351 00:32:45,893 --> 00:32:47,223 Excellent! 352 00:32:55,601 --> 00:32:57,695 - Bill. - What? 353 00:32:57,771 --> 00:32:59,966 - These are heavy. - Yeah. 354 00:33:00,140 --> 00:33:01,539 Heavy metal. 355 00:33:07,814 --> 00:33:10,512 - We better go find the princesses. - Yeah. 356 00:33:11,719 --> 00:33:12,982 Watch it! 357 00:33:13,620 --> 00:33:15,918 Who turned out all the lights? 358 00:33:16,858 --> 00:33:19,759 - What? - I'm Darth Ted. 359 00:33:21,496 --> 00:33:25,593 I'm Luke Bill. And you're not my father! No! 360 00:33:27,902 --> 00:33:29,131 Come on! 361 00:33:30,872 --> 00:33:33,466 Beat you, I will, yes! 362 00:33:38,846 --> 00:33:42,147 - I totally conquered you, dude! - No way! 363 00:33:42,718 --> 00:33:43,946 Come on! 364 00:33:45,588 --> 00:33:48,182 I'll never rule the universe with you! 365 00:33:50,493 --> 00:33:51,824 - Bill! - What? 366 00:33:51,894 --> 00:33:54,761 - We totally know how to sword fight! - Yeah! 367 00:34:22,026 --> 00:34:24,824 Search the castle! There might be more! 368 00:34:59,598 --> 00:35:01,190 Get out of here! 369 00:35:06,973 --> 00:35:08,133 Bogus. 370 00:35:10,677 --> 00:35:11,904 Heinous. 371 00:35:15,714 --> 00:35:17,841 Most non-triumphant. 372 00:35:25,725 --> 00:35:27,625 Don't be dead, dude. 373 00:35:36,836 --> 00:35:40,238 You killed Ted, you medieval dickweed! 374 00:36:04,833 --> 00:36:06,892 Ted! You're alive! 375 00:36:06,968 --> 00:36:10,199 Yeah! I fell out of my suit when I hit the floor. 376 00:36:12,941 --> 00:36:14,272 Fag! 377 00:36:15,210 --> 00:36:18,203 Dude, you totally boned that dude in the head! 378 00:36:18,814 --> 00:36:20,610 He's a total bonehead! 379 00:36:20,882 --> 00:36:24,580 He's a fat old man. There must be a way to escape before the night falls. 380 00:36:24,654 --> 00:36:25,881 But how? 381 00:36:27,422 --> 00:36:28,548 What's that? 382 00:36:30,726 --> 00:36:33,924 Those boys. I can't believe they're here. 383 00:36:36,966 --> 00:36:38,558 How's it going, ladies? 384 00:36:40,703 --> 00:36:42,671 You're the ones we saw in front of the castle. 385 00:36:45,074 --> 00:36:48,101 I am Ted of San Dimas. 386 00:36:49,078 --> 00:36:52,912 And I bring to you a message of love. 387 00:36:55,519 --> 00:36:56,679 From who? 388 00:36:58,721 --> 00:37:00,247 From myself. 389 00:37:01,025 --> 00:37:03,015 And what is this message you speak of? 390 00:37:06,197 --> 00:37:09,188 Lyrics, dude. Recite them some lyrics. 391 00:37:13,770 --> 00:37:16,673 O you beautiful babes from England... 392 00:37:17,408 --> 00:37:19,433 ...for whom we have traveled through time... 393 00:37:21,045 --> 00:37:23,343 ...will you go to the prom with us in San Dimas? 394 00:37:23,414 --> 00:37:25,677 We will have a most triumphant time. 395 00:37:26,551 --> 00:37:28,212 Way to go, dude. 396 00:37:29,554 --> 00:37:31,147 It's Father! 397 00:37:41,099 --> 00:37:42,692 What does your father want? 398 00:37:42,769 --> 00:37:45,260 We're to be married to two horrible old men today. 399 00:37:45,338 --> 00:37:46,532 No way! 400 00:37:47,306 --> 00:37:49,366 Will you help us escape? 401 00:37:50,376 --> 00:37:52,003 Of course, babes. 402 00:37:57,117 --> 00:37:59,551 How's it going, royal ugly dudes? 403 00:38:03,322 --> 00:38:05,621 I'm the Earl of Preston. 404 00:38:06,426 --> 00:38:09,589 And I am the Duke of Ted. 405 00:38:23,043 --> 00:38:25,511 Put them in the iron maiden. 406 00:38:26,548 --> 00:38:29,311 Iron maiden? Excellent! 407 00:38:30,719 --> 00:38:31,946 Execute them. 408 00:38:33,087 --> 00:38:34,577 Bogus. 409 00:38:36,891 --> 00:38:38,187 We'll save you, babes! 410 00:38:41,663 --> 00:38:44,825 Witches! Heretics! I saw them! 411 00:38:45,200 --> 00:38:47,031 They fell from the sky! 412 00:38:47,369 --> 00:38:48,733 Heretics! 413 00:38:49,571 --> 00:38:51,505 They fell out of the sky! 414 00:38:52,307 --> 00:38:56,108 They had fire in their eyes and they had horns! 415 00:39:05,954 --> 00:39:07,251 Off with their heads! 416 00:39:13,262 --> 00:39:15,230 - Bill? - What? 417 00:39:15,631 --> 00:39:20,226 I believe our adventure through time has taken a most serious turn. 418 00:39:31,814 --> 00:39:33,509 - Billy! - So-crates! 419 00:39:33,916 --> 00:39:35,281 Let's go! 420 00:39:36,954 --> 00:39:38,922 Guards! After them! 421 00:39:39,157 --> 00:39:41,454 - So-crates! - Bye, babes! 422 00:39:44,027 --> 00:39:45,585 Catch you later, evil dudes. 423 00:39:46,730 --> 00:39:48,664 Kill them! Guards! 424 00:39:57,208 --> 00:39:58,573 Hurry up! 425 00:39:59,711 --> 00:40:01,110 Out of the way! 426 00:40:46,992 --> 00:40:48,186 Dial fast, dude! 427 00:40:51,231 --> 00:40:54,064 The number you have dialed is not in service at this time. 428 00:40:54,134 --> 00:40:57,001 Please check your directory and dial again. 429 00:40:57,070 --> 00:40:58,401 Party on, dude. 430 00:41:05,146 --> 00:41:06,773 Okay, I got one! Let's go! 431 00:41:41,283 --> 00:41:42,944 You guys stay here. 432 00:41:45,953 --> 00:41:47,684 Where are we, dude? 433 00:41:48,825 --> 00:41:50,292 I don't know. 434 00:41:51,760 --> 00:41:56,289 - Sure do play excellent music. - Most outstanding. 435 00:42:16,120 --> 00:42:19,749 - It's you. - Yeah. It's us. 436 00:42:21,091 --> 00:42:22,456 Who are we? 437 00:43:13,146 --> 00:43:15,841 I think they want us to say something. 438 00:43:16,282 --> 00:43:17,943 What should I say? 439 00:43:19,185 --> 00:43:20,982 Make something up. 440 00:43:29,129 --> 00:43:31,723 Be excellent to each other. 441 00:43:38,338 --> 00:43:40,066 Party on, dudes. 442 00:43:41,242 --> 00:43:42,709 Good one, dude. 443 00:43:49,149 --> 00:43:51,310 Got to get back to our report. 444 00:43:51,385 --> 00:43:55,322 Yeah. We'd take you with us, but it's a history report... 445 00:43:55,390 --> 00:43:57,153 ...not a future report. 446 00:44:00,595 --> 00:44:01,824 Later. 447 00:44:02,730 --> 00:44:03,992 Later. 448 00:44:07,335 --> 00:44:10,635 - Let's get back and do our report. - Good idea. 449 00:44:28,590 --> 00:44:32,857 - Dude! Where are we going? - I don't know! I think the booth's broke! 450 00:44:32,995 --> 00:44:36,556 We've got to keep dialing San Dimas until we get back and get Napoleon. 451 00:44:39,569 --> 00:44:41,434 Behold. 452 00:44:41,771 --> 00:44:42,931 The Zyggie Pig. 453 00:44:43,006 --> 00:44:46,668 The single greatest ice-cream spectacle known to man. 454 00:44:46,743 --> 00:44:51,180 "Eat the Pig, eat the Pig, zyggie, zyggie, zyggie, zyg!" 455 00:44:55,185 --> 00:44:56,675 Embêtants! 456 00:44:59,456 --> 00:45:00,890 It's ice cream. 457 00:45:01,859 --> 00:45:03,224 You eat it. 458 00:45:04,360 --> 00:45:05,692 It's good. 459 00:45:07,966 --> 00:45:08,990 La glace. 460 00:45:10,201 --> 00:45:11,601 Whatever. Just eat it. 461 00:45:32,524 --> 00:45:33,821 All behold! 462 00:45:33,892 --> 00:45:37,795 - He ate the Pig, thus proving that he's... - A... 463 00:45:37,863 --> 00:45:40,855 "Zyggie piggy!" 464 00:45:58,684 --> 00:46:00,083 What's that? 465 00:46:04,057 --> 00:46:05,523 I don't know. 466 00:46:09,730 --> 00:46:12,163 Shit! 467 00:46:35,123 --> 00:46:37,091 Where did we land now? 468 00:46:38,059 --> 00:46:40,357 Dude, it's Sigmund Frood. 469 00:46:41,029 --> 00:46:42,963 How much time we got left? 470 00:46:43,264 --> 00:46:45,094 Tons. Why? 471 00:46:45,900 --> 00:46:47,630 Extra credit, dude. 472 00:46:51,372 --> 00:46:53,136 How's it going, Frood dude? 473 00:47:02,319 --> 00:47:06,050 What is this? Let go of me. What are you doing? 474 00:47:45,463 --> 00:47:48,364 Was? Was ist los? 475 00:47:49,033 --> 00:47:50,660 Come on, So-crates. 476 00:48:40,320 --> 00:48:42,585 Welcome aboard, Miss Joan of Arc. 477 00:48:42,790 --> 00:48:45,350 My name is Ted and this is Bill. 478 00:49:12,753 --> 00:49:14,984 Want a Twinkie, Genghis Khan? 479 00:49:15,323 --> 00:49:16,880 Say please. 480 00:49:19,461 --> 00:49:21,519 Come on, guys. Jump him! 481 00:49:26,435 --> 00:49:27,459 Candygram! 482 00:49:38,780 --> 00:49:40,442 Yes, what can I... 483 00:49:47,990 --> 00:49:52,017 We've got plenty of time, but we don't have any more room left. 484 00:49:52,094 --> 00:49:54,290 - Ted, we're out of control. - What? 485 00:49:54,364 --> 00:49:55,523 Next place we stop... 486 00:49:55,598 --> 00:49:59,193 ...we gotta try and figure out what's wrong with the booth. 487 00:50:06,308 --> 00:50:09,939 Bill, I think I got an idea what's wrong. 488 00:50:10,247 --> 00:50:11,373 What? 489 00:50:11,782 --> 00:50:13,613 The antenna's broken. 490 00:50:22,326 --> 00:50:23,918 Yeah. All right. 491 00:50:52,891 --> 00:50:54,119 Attends. 492 00:50:58,730 --> 00:50:59,719 Crétin. 493 00:51:17,049 --> 00:51:19,017 Come on, let's ditch him. 494 00:51:24,691 --> 00:51:27,091 Attends! 495 00:51:28,728 --> 00:51:29,956 Attends! 496 00:51:32,398 --> 00:51:36,199 - Excusez-moi, monsieur. - Hold on there. Not so fast, buddy. 497 00:51:36,804 --> 00:51:39,329 - "Buddy"? - You ain't paid yet. 498 00:51:39,706 --> 00:51:42,039 - Pay? - Pay. 499 00:51:46,647 --> 00:51:49,549 I don't want to see you around here anymore! Beat it! 500 00:51:49,617 --> 00:51:52,849 - Vous me connaissez, monsieur? - Beat it, buddy! 501 00:51:54,421 --> 00:51:55,582 Idiot! 502 00:52:12,540 --> 00:52:13,701 Deacon! 503 00:52:23,885 --> 00:52:27,946 Here is a treat to make our minor prehistoric pit stop... 504 00:52:28,658 --> 00:52:30,454 ...a bit more enjoyable. 505 00:52:32,229 --> 00:52:33,627 Why, thank you. 506 00:53:02,360 --> 00:53:03,826 Thanks, guys. 507 00:53:07,232 --> 00:53:09,131 I sure hope this works. 508 00:53:23,781 --> 00:53:25,806 I think it's working, dude. 509 00:53:38,696 --> 00:53:41,689 Just a little farther, I hope. 510 00:53:50,442 --> 00:53:53,377 That's us. We're back in San Dimas! 511 00:53:53,646 --> 00:53:57,481 Yeah. Only now it's not now, it's last night. 512 00:53:57,851 --> 00:53:58,840 Dude. 513 00:53:58,918 --> 00:54:01,751 - What? - Let's go talk to ourselves. 514 00:54:01,820 --> 00:54:03,152 Excellent. 515 00:54:03,223 --> 00:54:07,625 - What did we say, anyways? - I don't know. Let's go find out. 516 00:54:08,662 --> 00:54:10,527 Sixty-nine, dudes! 517 00:54:14,035 --> 00:54:15,969 Look, dudes, we gotta go. 518 00:54:18,773 --> 00:54:22,003 Listen to this dude Rufus. He knows what he's talking about. 519 00:54:22,075 --> 00:54:26,480 Right. And, Ted, give my love to the princesses. 520 00:54:27,148 --> 00:54:29,742 - Who? - You'll see. 521 00:54:31,185 --> 00:54:33,745 Gentlemen, is everything all right? 522 00:54:33,821 --> 00:54:37,279 Yeah, except how come the number we dialed for San Dimas... 523 00:54:37,358 --> 00:54:40,123 ...brought us here instead of to tomorrow, Rufus? 524 00:54:40,195 --> 00:54:43,255 Because in San Dimas it is tomorrow, William. 525 00:54:43,332 --> 00:54:45,698 You have to dial one number higher. 526 00:54:46,802 --> 00:54:49,430 Yeah. Thanks, Rufus. 527 00:54:49,805 --> 00:54:52,136 And hurry, because you don't have much time. 528 00:54:52,206 --> 00:54:55,108 What do you mean, Rufus? We got 10 hours left. 529 00:54:56,011 --> 00:54:57,911 You got two hours. 530 00:54:58,614 --> 00:55:03,550 Ted, you forgot to wind your watch again. And after you reminded yourself not to. 531 00:55:03,752 --> 00:55:08,713 I better remind myself again. Don't forget to wind your watch! 532 00:55:10,326 --> 00:55:11,884 Thanks, Rufus. 533 00:55:14,097 --> 00:55:15,997 Catch you later, Bill and Ted. 534 00:55:17,800 --> 00:55:20,063 That conversation made more sense this time. 535 00:55:20,135 --> 00:55:23,129 - Watch the gonads, dude. - Abe, you're too tall, man. 536 00:55:23,440 --> 00:55:25,771 That's just the way I'm built. 537 00:55:35,879 --> 00:55:37,212 Great, we made it! 538 00:55:38,616 --> 00:55:41,881 Who's the señorita? She's cute. 539 00:55:41,953 --> 00:55:43,682 It's his mom, dude. 540 00:55:47,325 --> 00:55:48,383 Hi, guys. 541 00:55:48,493 --> 00:55:50,518 Hi, Missy, I mean, Mom. 542 00:55:52,297 --> 00:55:55,926 Miss Preston, we'd like you to meet some of our friends. 543 00:55:56,000 --> 00:55:59,197 Yeah, this is Dave Beeth Oven. 544 00:56:00,072 --> 00:56:01,538 Sie sind so schön, Madame. 545 00:56:01,673 --> 00:56:05,540 And Maxine of Arc, Missy. 546 00:56:06,679 --> 00:56:08,202 Herman the Kid. 547 00:56:09,048 --> 00:56:10,446 Bob Genghis Khan. 548 00:56:11,450 --> 00:56:13,543 So-crates Johnson. 549 00:56:14,019 --> 00:56:15,748 Dennis Frood. 550 00:56:16,121 --> 00:56:17,452 And... 551 00:56:20,092 --> 00:56:21,685 Abraham Lincoln. 552 00:56:22,629 --> 00:56:26,395 It's nice to meet you all. There are sodas in the fridge. 553 00:56:28,368 --> 00:56:30,232 Can you give us a ride someplace? 554 00:56:30,303 --> 00:56:33,466 Bill, I'm not taking you anywhere until you do your chores. 555 00:57:10,011 --> 00:57:11,672 Done! 556 00:57:13,415 --> 00:57:15,747 This is the San Dimas Mall... 557 00:57:15,883 --> 00:57:19,081 ...and this is where people of today's world hang out. 558 00:57:20,155 --> 00:57:22,623 All right, everybody, watch your step getting off. 559 00:57:22,691 --> 00:57:25,855 Beeth Oven, make sure you don't get sucked under. 560 00:57:28,197 --> 00:57:31,427 Everybody get together. Remember who your buddy is. 561 00:57:32,168 --> 00:57:35,069 So-crates, watch out for your robe, dude. 562 00:57:37,807 --> 00:57:38,831 Okay. 563 00:57:40,109 --> 00:57:41,542 Follow me. 564 00:57:41,611 --> 00:57:44,978 You got your Broadway down here, you got your Sears over here. 565 00:57:45,581 --> 00:57:49,882 The stratification of our society is much like Marie-Antoinette's. 566 00:57:49,953 --> 00:57:51,476 The few possess much... 567 00:57:51,855 --> 00:57:55,222 ... while the masses possess little but their television sets. 568 00:57:55,358 --> 00:57:57,623 This dichotomy led to a revolution... 569 00:57:57,694 --> 00:58:00,663 ... in which Antoinette and her husband were beheaded. 570 00:58:00,731 --> 00:58:03,291 Today, leaders are impeached rather than beheaded. 571 00:58:04,268 --> 00:58:08,762 Still, while in her day, Marie-Antoinette said, "Let them eat cake..." 572 00:58:08,839 --> 00:58:11,967 ... perhaps today she'd say, "Let them eat fast food." 573 00:58:17,982 --> 00:58:21,474 - Enjoy! - Okay, look around. See what you think. 574 00:58:21,952 --> 00:58:24,318 We'll be back as soon as we find Napoleon, okay? 575 00:58:25,089 --> 00:58:27,649 Come on, dude. We don't got much time. 576 00:58:27,725 --> 00:58:29,819 Yes, but what do we eat? 577 00:58:30,329 --> 00:58:32,057 You ditched Napoleon? 578 00:58:32,931 --> 00:58:36,993 Do you realize you've stranded one of Europe's greatest leaders in San Dimas? 579 00:58:37,069 --> 00:58:38,057 He was a dick! 580 00:58:42,473 --> 00:58:44,669 How are we going to find him? 581 00:58:47,279 --> 00:58:48,542 Okay, wait. 582 00:58:49,415 --> 00:58:52,543 If we were one of the greatest generals in history... 583 00:58:52,918 --> 00:58:55,910 ...and we were stranded in San Dimas for one day... 584 00:58:56,822 --> 00:58:58,484 ...where would we go? 585 00:59:02,228 --> 00:59:03,490 Waterloo! 586 00:59:16,744 --> 00:59:20,076 Eleven children, please. Are you okay? 587 00:59:24,451 --> 00:59:25,975 We're going. 588 00:59:27,288 --> 00:59:28,516 Come on. 589 00:59:31,859 --> 00:59:33,292 Mon Dieu. 590 00:59:50,145 --> 00:59:52,112 Qu'est-ce que c'est ça? 591 00:59:52,848 --> 00:59:55,248 Buddy, you're holding up the line! 592 00:59:59,054 --> 01:00:01,545 - Sacrebleu. - Come on, buddy. 593 01:01:24,710 --> 01:01:26,143 Fantastique! 594 01:01:26,212 --> 01:01:29,978 Come on, Napoleon. Everybody's waiting for us at the mall. 595 01:01:35,554 --> 01:01:39,685 Why be soft and flabby when you can be firm and trim? 596 01:01:39,760 --> 01:01:41,556 When you can have a body that cries: 597 01:01:41,627 --> 01:01:43,596 "Look at me! Admire me!" 598 01:01:43,663 --> 01:01:46,563 With our specialized weight-training and aerobics program... 599 01:01:46,632 --> 01:01:50,899 ... we can help you attain the kind of body you've only dreamed of having. 600 01:01:51,004 --> 01:01:53,131 All right, let's go, ladies! 601 01:01:53,907 --> 01:01:57,138 You guys are looking great! Okay! 602 01:01:58,011 --> 01:02:00,275 Jumping jacks! Up! 603 01:02:06,053 --> 01:02:07,314 You a musician? 604 01:02:09,957 --> 01:02:12,289 Here. Try this. 605 01:02:36,118 --> 01:02:37,551 What is this? 606 01:02:37,986 --> 01:02:40,682 - Oh, my God. - What are they doing? 607 01:02:40,756 --> 01:02:43,815 Yeah, don't you think? Look at his sandals. 608 01:02:45,627 --> 01:02:47,595 I don't believe his clothes. 609 01:02:47,931 --> 01:02:50,922 - Weird. - They're coming over to sit down. 610 01:02:53,502 --> 01:02:54,526 Hi. 611 01:02:54,937 --> 01:02:56,268 I'm Billy. 612 01:02:57,006 --> 01:02:58,734 This here is So-crates. 613 01:02:58,807 --> 01:03:00,672 - Socrates. - We're from history. 614 01:03:03,746 --> 01:03:08,240 Hello. I'm Dr. Freud, but you may call me Siggy. 615 01:03:08,785 --> 01:03:11,583 Oh, my God. 616 01:03:12,055 --> 01:03:15,856 You both seem to be suffering from a mild form of hysteria. 617 01:03:15,926 --> 01:03:19,054 - God! - You are such a geek. 618 01:03:22,632 --> 01:03:24,463 Way to go, egghead. 619 01:03:26,604 --> 01:03:29,596 - Geek. - What is a geek? 620 01:04:02,541 --> 01:04:04,303 I need help. I got a live one here. 621 01:04:08,614 --> 01:04:11,946 Okay, I need the Lincoln hat and the stupid beard back. 622 01:04:12,017 --> 01:04:15,454 You don't understand. I'm Abraham Lincoln. 623 01:04:15,922 --> 01:04:18,823 Yeah, right. Come on, mister! 624 01:04:18,891 --> 01:04:21,485 - It's my hat and my beard! - Come on! 625 01:04:30,037 --> 01:04:32,471 Keep it up! You're looking great! 626 01:04:51,224 --> 01:04:53,818 - Take it easy there! - Stop! Hold it right there! 627 01:04:53,894 --> 01:04:55,521 Cut that guy off! 628 01:04:59,567 --> 01:05:00,727 Stop him! 629 01:05:14,116 --> 01:05:17,084 - No, Sig! Over here! - Excuse me, miss. 630 01:05:17,719 --> 01:05:20,120 - Move. - Pardon me. 631 01:05:22,557 --> 01:05:26,154 - I demand einen lawyer. - Don't get smart, buddy. Let's go. 632 01:05:42,979 --> 01:05:44,742 There they are! 633 01:05:53,188 --> 01:05:55,214 All right, come on, grandpa. 634 01:05:59,496 --> 01:06:00,656 Bogus! 635 01:06:03,968 --> 01:06:05,525 That's enough. 636 01:06:14,045 --> 01:06:16,171 Mom, can't you go any faster? 637 01:06:31,962 --> 01:06:35,693 I want to know why you claim to be Sigmund Freud. 638 01:06:36,269 --> 01:06:38,464 Why do you claim I'm not Sigmund Freud? 639 01:06:38,603 --> 01:06:41,333 Why do you keep asking me these questions? 640 01:06:42,375 --> 01:06:43,966 Tell me about your mother. 641 01:06:44,609 --> 01:06:45,838 God. 642 01:06:46,078 --> 01:06:49,571 - Would you like a couch to lie on? - No, I don't want a couch to lie on. 643 01:06:57,023 --> 01:07:00,287 - All right. What's your name? - Abraham Lincoln. 644 01:07:00,760 --> 01:07:03,751 That's L-I-N-C-O-L-N. 645 01:07:04,729 --> 01:07:06,426 I know how to spell "Lincoln." 646 01:07:09,103 --> 01:07:11,162 What's your birthday, Mr. Lincoln? 647 01:07:11,337 --> 01:07:15,068 February 12, 1809. 648 01:07:18,479 --> 01:07:21,073 Everything is different, but the same. 649 01:07:22,282 --> 01:07:25,342 Things are more moderner than before. 650 01:07:25,552 --> 01:07:26,814 Bigger... 651 01:07:27,821 --> 01:07:29,755 ... and yet smaller. 652 01:07:33,862 --> 01:07:35,523 There's computers. 653 01:07:40,502 --> 01:07:41,763 Take your time. 654 01:07:42,604 --> 01:07:45,072 San Dimas high-school football rules! 655 01:07:59,454 --> 01:08:02,185 I can't believe my dad arrested them all. 656 01:08:03,826 --> 01:08:05,225 What are we going to do? 657 01:08:05,294 --> 01:08:08,661 You go in and talk to your dad. I'm gonna scope the place out. 658 01:08:08,731 --> 01:08:12,292 Missy, I mean, Mom, please keep an eye on Napoleon. 659 01:08:14,869 --> 01:08:15,859 Stay. 660 01:08:20,609 --> 01:08:23,841 - Lock him up with the rest of the wackos. - I am a lawyer, you know. 661 01:08:23,914 --> 01:08:26,677 - Dad! - You pack your bags. 662 01:08:27,284 --> 01:08:29,013 - What? - You're going to military school. 663 01:08:29,085 --> 01:08:31,076 - But, Dad... - I don't wanna hear it! 664 01:08:32,022 --> 01:08:34,651 You go home and you pack your bags now! 665 01:08:42,199 --> 01:08:43,860 - How'd it go? - Bad. 666 01:08:43,934 --> 01:08:48,429 Our historical figures are all locked up and my dad won't let them out. 667 01:08:48,673 --> 01:08:50,367 Can we get your dad's keys? 668 01:08:50,440 --> 01:08:53,807 We could steal them, but he lost them two days ago. 669 01:08:53,878 --> 01:08:58,406 If only we could go back in time to when he had them and steal 'em then. 670 01:08:59,617 --> 01:09:02,347 - Why can't we? - 'Cause we don't got time. 671 01:09:02,520 --> 01:09:04,454 We could do it after the report. 672 01:09:05,657 --> 01:09:07,214 Good thinking, dude! 673 01:09:07,292 --> 01:09:09,919 After the report, we'll time travel back to two days ago... 674 01:09:09,994 --> 01:09:11,962 ...steal the keys and leave them here! 675 01:09:12,697 --> 01:09:16,099 - Where? - Don't know. How about behind that sign? 676 01:09:16,936 --> 01:09:20,666 That way, when we get here now, they'll be waiting for us. 677 01:09:22,541 --> 01:09:24,873 - See? - Yeah! 678 01:09:25,010 --> 01:09:29,345 So, after the report, we can't forget to do this, otherwise it won't happen. 679 01:09:29,415 --> 01:09:32,976 But it did happen! It was me who stole my dad's keys! 680 01:09:33,219 --> 01:09:35,278 That's exactly it. Come on. 681 01:09:38,991 --> 01:09:40,254 - Mom? - Yes? 682 01:09:40,726 --> 01:09:43,253 - Can you please bring the car around back? - Sure. 683 01:09:44,965 --> 01:09:48,525 Come on. We've got some historical figures to rescue. 684 01:09:49,435 --> 01:09:50,902 Over and out. 685 01:10:06,853 --> 01:10:09,344 How are we going to get past my dad? 686 01:10:10,323 --> 01:10:13,225 - You got a tape recorder at home? - Yeah. 687 01:10:14,162 --> 01:10:18,098 - Remember to get the tape recorder. - Yeah. 688 01:10:18,166 --> 01:10:20,258 Set a timer on it for... 689 01:10:21,335 --> 01:10:22,427 2:13. 690 01:10:22,670 --> 01:10:24,501 - Got it? - Got it. 691 01:10:27,176 --> 01:10:29,871 - What am I going to say on it? - Dad! 692 01:10:31,146 --> 01:10:32,170 Hey, Dad! 693 01:10:32,814 --> 01:10:34,338 It's you, dude. 694 01:10:38,719 --> 01:10:41,086 - Ted? - I'm over here. 695 01:10:43,693 --> 01:10:45,990 Yeah, this way! 696 01:11:07,950 --> 01:11:09,441 Look! Check it out. 697 01:11:11,688 --> 01:11:13,314 "Dear Bill and Ted. 698 01:11:13,423 --> 01:11:15,050 "Good luck on the report. 699 01:11:15,125 --> 01:11:19,619 "Sincerely, Bill S. Preston, Esquire and Ted 'Theodore' Logan." 700 01:11:20,030 --> 01:11:21,190 That was nice of us. 701 01:11:21,931 --> 01:11:23,126 "P.S. 702 01:11:23,768 --> 01:11:24,927 "Duck!" 703 01:11:30,207 --> 01:11:31,299 Excellent work, dude. 704 01:11:31,375 --> 01:11:33,241 - Way to go! - Come on. 705 01:11:47,091 --> 01:11:49,616 - Merci. - People, time is of the essence. 706 01:11:49,694 --> 01:11:53,131 I ask that you all work together so that we can get down to the car. 707 01:11:53,198 --> 01:11:54,961 Very quiet. Quiet! 708 01:11:57,069 --> 01:11:59,731 Against the wall, everybody, please. Single file. 709 01:12:00,539 --> 01:12:03,632 - Hurry up, Billy. - How do we get out of here? 710 01:12:03,976 --> 01:12:05,500 Over here, Dad! 711 01:12:05,912 --> 01:12:07,038 Down here! 712 01:12:07,112 --> 01:12:09,445 Way to go, dude. You stalled him. 713 01:12:09,515 --> 01:12:11,279 What else do I say? 714 01:12:11,351 --> 01:12:16,049 And now, opening for Iron Maiden, Wyld Stallyns! 715 01:12:20,093 --> 01:12:22,391 Come on, put your back into it. 716 01:12:23,062 --> 01:12:25,292 What in the hell do you think you're doing? 717 01:12:25,832 --> 01:12:30,291 - Trashcan. Remember a trashcan. - Trashcan? What are you talking about? 718 01:12:30,770 --> 01:12:32,293 Get this thing off me! 719 01:12:32,805 --> 01:12:36,675 Sorry, Dad, but we got to go pass our history report. 720 01:12:37,778 --> 01:12:39,836 By the way, I found your keys. 721 01:12:40,214 --> 01:12:42,580 Where are you? Get this off me! 722 01:12:49,623 --> 01:12:53,992 In conclusion, I think Abraham Lincoln would be most impressed... 723 01:12:54,061 --> 01:12:57,589 ... with the world of San Dimas. I know I am. 724 01:13:08,076 --> 01:13:11,476 Down the hall, to the left. Quiet. 725 01:13:13,013 --> 01:13:16,609 And I'm sure I speak for Mr. Ward and Mrs. Rowe... 726 01:13:17,084 --> 01:13:20,020 ...when I say that your reports were very entertaining... 727 01:13:20,088 --> 01:13:22,523 ...and very informative for all of us. 728 01:13:23,091 --> 01:13:25,855 It seems we may be one report short today... 729 01:13:26,127 --> 01:13:28,459 ...so we'll leave just a bit early. 730 01:13:30,398 --> 01:13:33,664 But once again, I want to thank you all for your very hard work. 731 01:13:35,638 --> 01:13:37,697 Who turned out the lights? 732 01:13:40,643 --> 01:13:42,474 Hello, San Dimas. 733 01:13:42,979 --> 01:13:46,779 Please welcome, for the final report of the afternoon... 734 01:13:47,084 --> 01:13:49,109 ... from all throughout history... 735 01:13:49,218 --> 01:13:52,415 ... some of the greatest people who have ever lived... 736 01:13:52,890 --> 01:13:56,724 ... in their 1988 world tour! 737 01:14:05,035 --> 01:14:06,560 How's it going? 738 01:14:07,104 --> 01:14:08,401 I'm Billy the Kid. 739 01:14:21,753 --> 01:14:24,654 I'd like you all to put your hands together. 740 01:14:31,463 --> 01:14:33,987 Now, my good friends... 741 01:14:35,100 --> 01:14:38,330 ...Bill S. Preston, Esquire... 742 01:14:38,470 --> 01:14:41,097 ...and Ted "Theodore" Logan. 743 01:14:42,507 --> 01:14:43,907 Thank you. 744 01:14:45,311 --> 01:14:47,438 Hello, San Dimas High. 745 01:14:48,414 --> 01:14:51,781 Mr. Ryan, fellow distinguished classmates... 746 01:14:51,917 --> 01:14:54,010 ...teachers, babes. 747 01:14:55,054 --> 01:15:00,015 - Our first speaker was born in 470 B.C. - Hi! Long time no see. 748 01:15:00,894 --> 01:15:02,794 A time when much of the world... 749 01:15:02,862 --> 01:15:06,319 ...looked like the cover of the Led Zeppelin album Houses of the Holy. 750 01:15:06,732 --> 01:15:11,692 We were there. There were many steps and columns. It was most tranquil. 751 01:15:12,572 --> 01:15:15,872 He is sometimes known as the father of modern thought. 752 01:15:16,176 --> 01:15:20,112 He was the teacher of Plato, who was in turn the teacher of Aristotle. 753 01:15:20,246 --> 01:15:25,206 And like Ozzy Osbourne, was repeatedly accused of corruption of the young. 754 01:15:26,019 --> 01:15:28,011 And since he doesn't speak English... 755 01:15:28,089 --> 01:15:30,990 ...my friend Ted, here, is gonna interpret for him. 756 01:15:31,058 --> 01:15:34,255 So please welcome, to tell us what he thinks of San Dimas... 757 01:15:34,328 --> 01:15:37,888 ...the most bodacious philosophizer in ancient Greece... 758 01:15:38,231 --> 01:15:39,892 ...Socrates! 759 01:15:42,570 --> 01:15:45,904 ...totally out of control. I've got a good idea where he gets it. 760 01:15:45,974 --> 01:15:50,934 If you and your wife used a little discipline, your son wouldn't be such a bad influence. 761 01:15:51,012 --> 01:15:53,004 Is discipline your key to success with Ted? 762 01:15:53,081 --> 01:15:55,948 Yes, it is! He's going to an Alaskan military school. 763 01:15:56,385 --> 01:15:59,218 ...loves you best... 764 01:16:01,857 --> 01:16:03,484 ...in all the world. 765 01:16:04,426 --> 01:16:06,394 What are they doing up there? 766 01:16:07,528 --> 01:16:10,988 He also loves baseball. 767 01:16:12,335 --> 01:16:16,032 Therefore, Ted's father's own fear of failure... 768 01:16:16,338 --> 01:16:19,604 ...has caused him to make his son the embodiment... 769 01:16:19,776 --> 01:16:24,736 ...of all of his own deepest anxieties about himself. 770 01:16:25,715 --> 01:16:30,119 And hence, his aggression transference onto Ted. 771 01:16:34,691 --> 01:16:35,681 Okay? 772 01:16:38,095 --> 01:16:41,087 Yes. Thank you very much, Sigmund Freud. 773 01:16:44,835 --> 01:16:47,860 No, just got a minor Oedipal complex. 774 01:16:49,973 --> 01:16:52,636 It is indeed a pleasure to introduce to you... 775 01:16:52,811 --> 01:16:55,938 ...a gentleman we picked up in medieval Mongolia... 776 01:16:56,013 --> 01:16:58,005 ...in the year 1269. 777 01:16:58,583 --> 01:17:01,574 Please welcome, the very excellent barbarian... 778 01:17:01,719 --> 01:17:04,210 ...Mr. Genghis Khan! 779 01:17:07,593 --> 01:17:10,619 This is a dude who, 700 years ago... 780 01:17:11,130 --> 01:17:15,293 ...totally ravaged China, and who, we are told, two hours ago... 781 01:17:15,366 --> 01:17:17,960 ...totally ravaged Oshman's Sporting Goods. 782 01:17:20,271 --> 01:17:24,003 A most bodacious soldier and general... 783 01:17:24,076 --> 01:17:27,533 ...Miss Of Arc totally rousted the English from France. 784 01:17:27,980 --> 01:17:31,312 And then she turned this dude, Dauphin, into a king. 785 01:17:31,550 --> 01:17:34,178 And all this by the time she was 17. 786 01:17:35,455 --> 01:17:38,822 Je vais remporter un triomphe terrible... 787 01:17:39,391 --> 01:17:41,859 ... en Russie... 788 01:17:42,629 --> 01:17:45,961 ... avec mes waterslides. 789 01:17:47,167 --> 01:17:50,466 The music of Ludwig von Beethoven. 790 01:17:54,075 --> 01:17:56,702 As you can see, Genghis very much enjoys Twinkies... 791 01:17:56,777 --> 01:17:58,904 ...because of the excellent sugar rush. 792 01:17:59,312 --> 01:18:02,076 He also loves billiards. 793 01:18:04,185 --> 01:18:07,712 Beethoven's favorite works include Mozart's Requiem... 794 01:18:07,788 --> 01:18:11,280 ... Handel's Messiah, and Bon Jovi's Slippery When Wet. 795 01:18:12,325 --> 01:18:17,058 To improve on the condition of her armies, Joan of Arc plans on instituting... 796 01:18:17,130 --> 01:18:20,863 ...a full-scale aerobics program on her return to France. 797 01:18:21,269 --> 01:18:23,738 I don't think it's going to work. 798 01:18:27,775 --> 01:18:29,470 Triomphe, Napoléon! 799 01:18:36,051 --> 01:18:37,416 He loves... 800 01:18:38,920 --> 01:18:40,945 He loves San Dimas. 801 01:18:50,732 --> 01:18:53,258 And now, for our last speaker. 802 01:18:54,671 --> 01:18:59,300 One of the greatest presidents in American history... 803 01:19:00,442 --> 01:19:03,607 ...Mr. Abraham Lincoln. 804 01:19:24,500 --> 01:19:26,469 Fourscore and... 805 01:19:28,806 --> 01:19:30,398 ...seven minutes ago... 806 01:19:31,141 --> 01:19:34,441 ...we, your forefathers... 807 01:19:35,646 --> 01:19:40,242 ...were brought forth upon a most excellent adventure... 808 01:19:41,785 --> 01:19:45,381 ...conceived by our new friends... 809 01:19:46,825 --> 01:19:48,019 ...Bill... 810 01:19:50,160 --> 01:19:51,492 ...and Ted. 811 01:19:53,565 --> 01:19:56,500 These two great gentlemen... 812 01:19:57,801 --> 01:20:00,362 ...are dedicated to a proposition... 813 01:20:00,773 --> 01:20:02,764 ...which was true in my time... 814 01:20:03,975 --> 01:20:05,944 ...just as it's true today. 815 01:20:10,048 --> 01:20:13,644 Be excellent to each other. 816 01:20:15,688 --> 01:20:16,849 And... 817 01:20:18,391 --> 01:20:20,188 ...party on, dudes! 818 01:20:28,936 --> 01:20:30,699 No way! 819 01:20:40,948 --> 01:20:43,076 Thank you, San Dimas High. 820 01:21:13,214 --> 01:21:15,911 We want more! 821 01:21:22,791 --> 01:21:23,950 Intro. 822 01:21:24,426 --> 01:21:27,191 I'm Bill S. Preston, Esquire. 823 01:21:38,974 --> 01:21:40,567 What's up, Ted? 824 01:21:45,015 --> 01:21:46,982 We traveled through time. 825 01:21:47,050 --> 01:21:52,009 I mean, we met lots of great leaders and we got an A plus on our history report. 826 01:21:53,523 --> 01:21:56,652 And look at us. Nothing's different. 827 01:21:59,663 --> 01:22:01,494 Maybe it's time we get Eddie Van Halen. 828 01:22:03,500 --> 01:22:05,662 Maybe we should start learning how to play. 829 01:22:07,070 --> 01:22:08,664 Maybe you're right. 830 01:22:24,056 --> 01:22:27,253 Hello again, my excellent friends. 831 01:22:29,260 --> 01:22:32,253 Congratulations on passing your history report. 832 01:22:33,364 --> 01:22:36,198 Rufus, the babes. 833 01:22:36,268 --> 01:22:38,566 We looked all over England for you. 834 01:22:38,637 --> 01:22:41,470 Where'd you get those savory clothes? 835 01:22:42,541 --> 01:22:45,602 Rufus introduced us to a place called the mall. 836 01:22:46,111 --> 01:22:48,443 And something called credit cards. 837 01:22:49,381 --> 01:22:53,716 I got them out of England just before they had to marry those royal ugly dudes. 838 01:22:54,120 --> 01:22:55,747 Way to go, Rufus. 839 01:23:05,565 --> 01:23:07,898 How can we ever thank you, Rufus? 840 01:23:08,001 --> 01:23:11,437 You can start by signing this for my kids. 841 01:23:12,472 --> 01:23:15,600 - Why? - They're big fans of yours. 842 01:23:16,008 --> 01:23:18,203 - What? - Everyone is. 843 01:23:18,778 --> 01:23:23,182 Wyld Stallyns' music has become the foundation of our whole society. 844 01:23:24,952 --> 01:23:26,442 No way! 845 01:23:26,854 --> 01:23:28,549 Yes way! 846 01:23:28,956 --> 01:23:33,860 In fact, I believe you were there. That futuristic place with the domes? 847 01:23:34,729 --> 01:23:36,390 And the totally excellent music. 848 01:23:37,832 --> 01:23:39,857 They totally worshipped us there. 849 01:23:40,034 --> 01:23:41,228 I know. 850 01:23:41,369 --> 01:23:45,429 That's why I was sent to make sure you passed your history report. 851 01:23:45,606 --> 01:23:49,738 If you guys were separated, it would have been disastrous for life as we know it. 852 01:23:50,145 --> 01:23:54,809 You see, eventually, your music will help to end war and poverty. 853 01:23:55,483 --> 01:23:59,249 It will align the planets and bring them into universal harmony... 854 01:23:59,420 --> 01:24:02,254 ...allowing meaningful contact with all forms of life... 855 01:24:02,726 --> 01:24:07,219 ...from extraterrestrial beings to common household pets. 856 01:24:07,596 --> 01:24:08,755 And... 857 01:24:09,832 --> 01:24:11,925 ...it's excellent for dancing. 858 01:24:15,404 --> 01:24:18,238 Why don't you have the ladies sign as well, would you please? 859 01:24:18,308 --> 01:24:21,299 - After all, they are in the band. - They are? 860 01:24:21,377 --> 01:24:24,005 Excellent! 861 01:24:24,446 --> 01:24:26,641 Where are you going, Rufus? 862 01:24:27,317 --> 01:24:29,181 I got a surprise for you. 863 01:24:38,396 --> 01:24:39,384 Here. 864 01:24:40,830 --> 01:24:43,060 That's to help you as you start your new band. 865 01:24:43,466 --> 01:24:44,831 Thanks, Rufus. 866 01:24:44,901 --> 01:24:48,531 I just have one further humble request: 867 01:24:48,873 --> 01:24:52,365 If I might be so honored to jam with you? 868 01:24:53,411 --> 01:24:56,903 - Do you know how to play, Rufus? - I play a little. 869 01:25:20,872 --> 01:25:24,534 - Most outstanding. - Let's jam. 870 01:25:32,819 --> 01:25:35,413 - Bill, my friend? - Yes, Ted, my friend? 871 01:25:35,488 --> 01:25:38,389 This has been a most excellent adventure. 872 01:25:39,359 --> 01:25:40,758 - One. - Two. 873 01:25:40,827 --> 01:25:42,728 One, two, three, four! 874 01:25:49,602 --> 01:25:51,331 They do get better. 875 01:25:51,800 --> 01:25:54,916 Best watched using Open Subtitles MKV Player