1 00:00:41,375 --> 00:00:45,459 - Ally, recap? - Remember the kowolskis? 2 00:00:45,504 --> 00:00:49,793 They want to set a record by making buffalo's largest cookie. 3 00:00:49,883 --> 00:00:52,124 - You have to wear this. - A hair net? 4 00:00:52,219 --> 00:00:56,178 Health department. If you're near the cookie, you have to wear it. 5 00:00:56,265 --> 00:00:59,132 I just did the hair. The hair is perfect. 6 00:00:59,226 --> 00:01:00,762 All right, give it to me. 7 00:01:03,522 --> 00:01:07,185 God... why do you hate me? 8 00:01:07,276 --> 00:01:09,892 We're rolling. And speed. 9 00:01:09,987 --> 00:01:12,820 For three decades, the kowolski bakery 10 00:01:12,906 --> 00:01:15,648 has been a mainstay in buffalo, 11 00:01:15,742 --> 00:01:19,826 known for their sweet, cream-filled polski pierogies, 12 00:01:19,913 --> 00:01:22,575 and the sugar-induced coma that follows. 13 00:01:24,293 --> 00:01:28,832 In honour of their 30th anniversary, they've invited us to ride along 14 00:01:28,880 --> 00:01:35,092 as they go for the record on buffalo's biggest cookie. 15 00:01:36,179 --> 00:01:40,172 Vol? Do you need a tissue or something? 16 00:01:40,267 --> 00:01:42,883 Can we get vol a tissue? Or a spoon? 17 00:01:42,978 --> 00:01:44,764 Good thing we're wearing these. 18 00:01:44,855 --> 00:01:48,347 I wouldn't want stray hairs to fall into the booger. 19 00:01:48,400 --> 00:01:51,107 - We doing this again? - No. We'll cut to b roll. 20 00:01:51,194 --> 00:01:52,559 Moving on! 21 00:01:52,654 --> 00:01:57,398 Tell me, mama, why make buffalo's biggest cookie? 22 00:01:57,492 --> 00:02:04,534 Man from health department say he find rat pellet in our pastry. 23 00:02:04,625 --> 00:02:11,872 But I say, no, is big chocolate sprinkle. But he shut store down. 24 00:02:11,965 --> 00:02:19,965 So, we clean up, make big cookie to bring customers back. 25 00:02:20,140 --> 00:02:24,224 I admire your candouir. Let's try that again, shall we? 26 00:02:24,311 --> 00:02:28,975 Tell me, mama, why make buffalo's biggest cookie? 27 00:02:29,066 --> 00:02:33,560 So the children of the neighbourhood will be happy? 28 00:02:33,654 --> 00:02:38,489 It must be wonderful seeing the smiles on their little faces. 29 00:02:38,575 --> 00:02:42,909 I work in back. I see no smiles. 30 00:02:43,955 --> 00:02:48,415 The previous record was 8 feet, 7 inches, baked by Gladys pelsnick. 31 00:02:48,460 --> 00:02:51,748 If this cookie is larger, it will prove 32 00:02:51,797 --> 00:02:54,038 the kowolskis have much more free time. 33 00:02:54,091 --> 00:02:57,925 And the cookie is... 10 feet, 4 inches! 34 00:02:57,969 --> 00:03:00,631 We have a new record! 35 00:03:00,722 --> 00:03:04,431 Cue the cheesy inspirational music! 36 00:03:21,493 --> 00:03:24,235 But what are we really looking at here? 37 00:03:24,287 --> 00:03:26,152 Is it just a big cookie? 38 00:03:26,248 --> 00:03:29,456 Or does this cookie represent the pride of buffalo? 39 00:03:29,501 --> 00:03:33,119 Its hardworking citizens the key ingredient, 40 00:03:33,171 --> 00:03:35,913 with a few nuts thrown in. 41 00:03:35,966 --> 00:03:38,457 And finally, the love of our families, 42 00:03:38,510 --> 00:03:40,967 which provides the warm centre, 43 00:03:41,054 --> 00:03:43,136 making our beloved buffalo 44 00:03:43,223 --> 00:03:45,464 the sweetest place to live. 45 00:03:45,517 --> 00:03:48,475 And that's the way the cookie crumbles. 46 00:03:48,562 --> 00:03:52,305 I'm Bruce Nolan, eyewitness news. 47 00:03:52,357 --> 00:03:54,973 And cut. 48 00:03:55,068 --> 00:03:57,434 So, what do you think? 49 00:03:57,487 --> 00:03:58,818 It's really good. 50 00:03:58,905 --> 00:04:01,487 It sucks. It's a story about a cookie. 51 00:04:01,575 --> 00:04:05,113 The pillsbury doughboy will be riveted. 52 00:04:05,162 --> 00:04:09,826 It made me laugh. Nothing wrong with making people laugh. 53 00:04:09,875 --> 00:04:14,209 I'll never be an anchorman. The job's there, but I can't reach it. 54 00:04:14,296 --> 00:04:18,665 They make me do this kind of stuff and I have to act like a goof. 55 00:04:18,759 --> 00:04:22,172 I have no credibility. Not good. 56 00:04:22,262 --> 00:04:24,674 - Now you just sound silly. - Forget it. 57 00:04:24,723 --> 00:04:28,341 It's not important. Let's watch it once more. 58 00:04:28,435 --> 00:04:30,517 - No. - Once more? Please? 59 00:04:30,604 --> 00:04:34,096 No! You promised to help me with this photo album. 60 00:04:35,233 --> 00:04:37,519 Get your goofy butt over here. 61 00:04:45,702 --> 00:04:50,412 Go through this stack and pick your favourites. 62 00:04:54,711 --> 00:05:00,047 Come on, this is fun, right? It's nice. 63 00:05:00,091 --> 00:05:02,002 I bet Evan gets the anchor job. 64 00:05:02,052 --> 00:05:04,134 - Bruce! - He's the favourite. 65 00:05:04,221 --> 00:05:07,588 Just forget it. This is just our life. 66 00:05:07,682 --> 00:05:10,799 We can always have some kid do it for us. 67 00:05:11,520 --> 00:05:13,511 Hold the phone. 68 00:05:13,563 --> 00:05:16,100 I like this one. Our weekend at the lake. 69 00:05:16,191 --> 00:05:18,477 That should be in our private stash. 70 00:05:18,568 --> 00:05:21,935 - Perky. Must have been cold. - Give it to me. 71 00:05:22,030 --> 00:05:25,022 I can use this as wallpaper on my computer. 72 00:05:25,075 --> 00:05:27,407 - Give it to me. Come on. - No! 73 00:05:27,452 --> 00:05:31,286 Fine. Do with it what you will. I don't care. 74 00:05:31,373 --> 00:05:33,284 I will do with it what I will. 75 00:05:35,794 --> 00:05:40,584 I may send it in to playboy. I hear their layouts are quite tasteful. 76 00:05:40,632 --> 00:05:43,419 Give that to me right now! 77 00:05:43,468 --> 00:05:46,585 - Rough stuff. - I will hurt you. 78 00:05:51,268 --> 00:05:53,805 Sweetie? Time to get up. 79 00:05:55,897 --> 00:05:58,639 Good dream. No. 80 00:06:07,868 --> 00:06:12,362 The buffalo sabres lost again last night to the Toronto maple leafs. 81 00:06:12,455 --> 00:06:15,367 Of course they did. They're my team. 82 00:06:17,627 --> 00:06:20,539 There might be something to this cookie line. 83 00:06:20,630 --> 00:06:23,667 All the greatest anchors had a signature sign-off. 84 00:06:23,758 --> 00:06:28,127 Like Walter cronkite. 85 00:06:28,221 --> 00:06:30,553 "And that's the way it was." 86 00:06:30,640 --> 00:06:33,632 And that's the way the cookie crumbles. 87 00:06:33,685 --> 00:06:39,726 That's the way, uh-huh, uh-huh, I like it. 88 00:06:40,817 --> 00:06:44,685 - The dog! - I'm in the shower! 89 00:06:48,033 --> 00:06:50,649 No, Sam. Bad dog. 90 00:06:50,702 --> 00:06:55,537 Inside, bad. Outside, good. 91 00:06:59,920 --> 00:07:03,162 You're done now. Great. 92 00:07:03,256 --> 00:07:06,840 B-e-a-utiful. 93 00:07:07,719 --> 00:07:10,677 Let's go back in and have a shit. 94 00:07:15,852 --> 00:07:19,344 - What is the dillio? - We are having a blood drive. 95 00:07:19,397 --> 00:07:22,764 - Creepy. Needles. - They need my blood. 96 00:07:22,859 --> 00:07:26,022 I have a very rare blood type. I'm ab positive. 97 00:07:26,112 --> 00:07:28,353 Really? I'm ib positive. 98 00:07:28,406 --> 00:07:32,615 "I be" positive they ain't touching me with no needle. It's just so... 99 00:07:32,702 --> 00:07:35,739 - Helpful and life-saving? - No. It's blood. 100 00:07:35,830 --> 00:07:39,243 Blood is supposed to stay inside the body, where it belongs. 101 00:07:39,334 --> 00:07:44,670 They stockpile it in a warehouse and tell everyone there's a shortage. 102 00:07:44,714 --> 00:07:47,330 Not true. Where did you hear that? 103 00:07:47,384 --> 00:07:49,375 From a friend of a friend 104 00:07:49,469 --> 00:07:53,007 of a girl whose sister is dating someone in government. 105 00:07:53,056 --> 00:07:55,388 For your protection, I cannot discuss it. 106 00:07:55,475 --> 00:07:57,807 Get out, before they see us together. 107 00:08:01,731 --> 00:08:04,894 Here. You need these more than I do. 108 00:08:04,943 --> 00:08:06,399 What is these? 109 00:08:06,486 --> 00:08:08,772 Prayer beads. The kids made them for me. 110 00:08:08,863 --> 00:08:12,856 - They will keep you safe. - I hope they're powerful. 111 00:08:12,909 --> 00:08:16,948 I'll need a friggin' miracle to get to work on time. 112 00:08:26,923 --> 00:08:30,836 This isn't happening. Not during sweeps week. 113 00:08:30,927 --> 00:08:34,044 Not during sweeps week! 114 00:08:35,098 --> 00:08:36,963 God. 115 00:08:37,058 --> 00:08:40,266 Yup, meeting started without me. 116 00:08:40,311 --> 00:08:43,474 This is my luck! 117 00:08:49,487 --> 00:08:51,352 Come on! 118 00:08:55,410 --> 00:08:57,742 Jesus. 119 00:08:57,787 --> 00:09:00,199 Get out of there! 120 00:09:04,252 --> 00:09:08,211 "Are you blind?" No, but I'm late. 121 00:09:09,132 --> 00:09:12,295 Is your child in dire jeopardy? 122 00:09:12,343 --> 00:09:14,550 Find out tonight after the game. 123 00:09:14,637 --> 00:09:16,593 Promos are approved. 124 00:09:16,639 --> 00:09:19,631 Jack? Shouldn't we be focusing on Pete's retirement? 125 00:09:19,726 --> 00:09:23,310 - This is his last week. - Any word on the anchor position? 126 00:09:23,354 --> 00:09:26,721 Evan, when I know something, you'll know something. 127 00:09:26,816 --> 00:09:28,022 Sorry I'm late. 128 00:09:28,902 --> 00:09:30,938 The traffic was... 129 00:09:31,029 --> 00:09:32,894 Did you already play the spots? 130 00:09:32,989 --> 00:09:36,026 Nice story, but we're going with Evan's piece. 131 00:09:36,117 --> 00:09:38,278 The mayoral sex scandal, for sweeps. 132 00:09:39,704 --> 00:09:42,241 Yeah... 133 00:09:42,332 --> 00:09:43,742 Sweeps. 134 00:09:43,833 --> 00:09:46,666 And that's the way the cookie crumbles. 135 00:09:48,338 --> 00:09:50,249 Just messing with you, Bruce. 136 00:09:50,340 --> 00:09:56,927 You just gotta remember that the newsroom is like a big cookie. 137 00:09:58,598 --> 00:10:02,341 Do you like jazz, Evan? Let me play something for you. 138 00:10:09,692 --> 00:10:12,399 - I can hold that note all day. - Knock it off. 139 00:10:12,487 --> 00:10:15,194 Bruce, we'll keep your story in reserve. 140 00:10:15,240 --> 00:10:19,358 Can we work on getting something to put on the air today? 141 00:10:19,452 --> 00:10:23,445 Great choice, Jack. The Cadillac of bolognas. 142 00:10:23,540 --> 00:10:25,246 Jack, can I talk to you? 143 00:10:25,333 --> 00:10:28,370 - Sure. What do you need? - Sweeps. 144 00:10:28,419 --> 00:10:31,832 Jack, hear me out. I'm getting desperate. 145 00:10:31,881 --> 00:10:36,170 I'm pushing 40 and what have I got to show for it? I've hit a ceiling. 146 00:10:36,219 --> 00:10:38,926 There's an anti-Bruce barrier I can't get past. 147 00:10:39,013 --> 00:10:42,255 And Evan is loving it. 148 00:10:42,350 --> 00:10:45,888 He gets the stories. Maybe I should be more like Evan. 149 00:10:45,937 --> 00:10:48,770 Don't be like Evan. He's an asshole. 150 00:10:48,857 --> 00:10:51,690 - I can be an asshole. - No, Bruce. You can't. 151 00:10:56,406 --> 00:10:58,772 - You going to pick that up? - Yeah, I'm sorry. 152 00:10:59,367 --> 00:11:03,155 This anchor thing opening up has got me nuts. 153 00:11:03,246 --> 00:11:04,611 - Hey, Susan. - Hi, Susan. 154 00:11:04,706 --> 00:11:06,947 Hi, Jack. 155 00:11:07,709 --> 00:11:11,042 You're a good reporter. You make people laugh. 156 00:11:12,797 --> 00:11:14,458 I'll tell you what. 157 00:11:14,591 --> 00:11:17,879 Today is the 156th anniversary of the "maid of the mist". 158 00:11:17,927 --> 00:11:19,838 Be in Niagara Falls in an hour. 159 00:11:19,929 --> 00:11:22,341 The "maid of the mist" is always live. 160 00:11:23,933 --> 00:11:28,347 - Evan does the live feeds. - Now you and Evan do them. 161 00:11:28,438 --> 00:11:30,770 I'm going live? During sweeps? 162 00:11:30,857 --> 00:11:32,939 Watch it. I've seen your outtakes. 163 00:11:32,984 --> 00:11:35,191 Jack, you will not regret this. 164 00:11:36,196 --> 00:11:38,858 I won't forget you when I go national. 165 00:11:38,948 --> 00:11:40,654 Can you...? 166 00:11:41,659 --> 00:11:43,775 Thanks, pal. 167 00:11:43,828 --> 00:11:47,787 Can I have your wish now? I'll put it in the wish jar. 168 00:11:47,832 --> 00:11:49,288 Put your wish in. 169 00:11:49,334 --> 00:11:51,325 - Me, too. - Putitin. 170 00:11:51,878 --> 00:11:53,789 That looks like a big wish. 171 00:11:53,922 --> 00:11:56,254 No, Martin, don't eat that. 172 00:11:57,091 --> 00:12:00,128 Don't put that in your mouth. That's paste, honey. 173 00:12:02,388 --> 00:12:05,471 - That must have tasted awful. - Mommy! 174 00:12:07,810 --> 00:12:10,973 Did you have fun with aunt Gracie today? 175 00:12:11,064 --> 00:12:13,146 See how nice this is? Baby on hip. 176 00:12:13,233 --> 00:12:17,852 It's amazing. You've become mom. The transformation is complete. 177 00:12:19,155 --> 00:12:20,315 I'll get it. 178 00:12:20,406 --> 00:12:22,317 - Small wonders day care. - Grace? 179 00:12:22,367 --> 00:12:26,076 No, Debbie, the sister whose life you're not wasting. 180 00:12:27,872 --> 00:12:33,037 Sorry. Debbie forgot to take her meds today. Where are you? 181 00:12:33,127 --> 00:12:37,996 A little place called the winner's circle. I'm at the falls, doing a live report. 182 00:12:38,049 --> 00:12:40,040 Live? That's great! 183 00:12:40,134 --> 00:12:43,217 It's happening. I got sweeps and I'm live. 184 00:12:43,304 --> 00:12:45,590 They're seeing if I can think on my feet. 185 00:12:45,682 --> 00:12:48,549 Like I might have to do in a live anchor situation. 186 00:12:48,643 --> 00:12:50,304 My gosh. 187 00:12:50,353 --> 00:12:54,221 Yeah! Jack practically came out and told me. 188 00:12:54,315 --> 00:12:55,600 Practically? 189 00:12:55,692 --> 00:12:58,604 He didn't spell it out. Legally, he can't. 190 00:12:58,695 --> 00:13:03,234 This happened to Susan before they bumped her up to the desk. 191 00:13:03,366 --> 00:13:05,482 It's good. 192 00:13:05,535 --> 00:13:09,699 Honey, I don't want you to get too ahead of yourself. 193 00:13:10,581 --> 00:13:14,199 - I gotta go! They're calling me. - Good luck, honey. I love you. 194 00:13:14,294 --> 00:13:16,125 Love, love, love. 195 00:13:17,213 --> 00:13:18,749 Let's do it. 196 00:13:18,840 --> 00:13:23,049 - They want you close to the falls. - I'll get soaked. 197 00:13:23,094 --> 00:13:25,551 That's the point. Put this on. 198 00:13:25,638 --> 00:13:28,721 A condition for us getting the exclusive. 199 00:13:28,808 --> 00:13:32,892 You know what? Nothing can bother me today. 200 00:13:32,979 --> 00:13:36,642 Remember, it's their 156th-year anniversary. 201 00:13:36,733 --> 00:13:40,772 149 capacity. They cater to tourists, honeymooners... 202 00:13:40,862 --> 00:13:42,944 And insanely thirsty people. 203 00:13:43,823 --> 00:13:46,439 You'll be interviewing Irene dansfield. 204 00:13:46,534 --> 00:13:50,903 Irene, a pleasure to meet you. You look beautiful. 205 00:13:50,997 --> 00:13:53,955 Her mother rode the maiden voyage. 206 00:13:54,042 --> 00:13:56,749 - 90 seconds! - 90 seconds? Holy hell. 207 00:13:56,836 --> 00:13:58,952 Ok. 90 seconds. 208 00:13:59,047 --> 00:14:01,129 Because of the fast response, 209 00:14:01,215 --> 00:14:04,799 the chemicals were cleaned up without incident. Susan? 210 00:14:04,886 --> 00:14:07,628 Bruce Nolan is standing by at Niagara Falls. 211 00:14:07,764 --> 00:14:10,631 But first, we have an announcement. 212 00:14:10,725 --> 00:14:16,436 As everyone knows, after 33 years, our beloved Pete fineman is retiring. 213 00:14:16,481 --> 00:14:21,771 Pete's shoes are virtually impossible to fill, but the show must go on. 214 00:14:21,861 --> 00:14:26,776 And we could think of no one better than our very own Evan Baxter. 215 00:14:30,995 --> 00:14:34,112 - Congratulations, Evan. - I'm thrilled and honoured. 216 00:14:34,165 --> 00:14:38,784 As you said, no one can replace Pete, but I'll do my best. 217 00:14:38,836 --> 00:14:43,500 I am so proud to be a part of our community of buffalo. 218 00:14:43,591 --> 00:14:48,802 I think, in a lot of ways, a great city is like a great recipe. 219 00:14:48,846 --> 00:14:52,464 You take hard-working citizens, add some care givers, 220 00:14:52,517 --> 00:14:54,223 maybe a few nuts! 221 00:14:57,563 --> 00:15:01,306 All sprinkled with the love and support of our families. 222 00:15:01,401 --> 00:15:05,485 Ultimately, that makes one sweet place to live. 223 00:15:05,530 --> 00:15:09,148 - That was amazing. - I wish I'd written something. 224 00:15:09,200 --> 00:15:12,909 And now let's go live to that wacky Bruce Nolan at Niagara Falls. 225 00:15:12,995 --> 00:15:14,735 Wacky Bruce! 226 00:15:19,001 --> 00:15:22,334 - Talk, Bruce. Hello. - Talk, honey. 227 00:15:22,422 --> 00:15:24,162 - What is it? - A Walt Disney. 228 00:15:24,215 --> 00:15:26,831 - He's frozen solid. - Check the audio feed. 229 00:15:26,926 --> 00:15:29,167 We may be having technical difficulty. 230 00:15:29,262 --> 00:15:31,218 - The feed's good. - Come on. 231 00:15:31,305 --> 00:15:33,011 Talk, Bruce, dammit. 232 00:15:33,099 --> 00:15:35,090 Get ready to pull the plug. 233 00:15:35,184 --> 00:15:37,766 Come on, baby. Say something! 234 00:15:38,688 --> 00:15:39,848 Talk. 235 00:15:42,900 --> 00:15:44,515 Hi, Susan. 236 00:15:44,610 --> 00:15:46,020 Bruce Nolan here, 237 00:15:46,112 --> 00:15:49,696 aboard the "maid of the mist" in fabulous Niagara Falls, New York. 238 00:15:49,782 --> 00:15:54,526 First, let me add my congratulations to Evan backstabber. 239 00:15:54,662 --> 00:15:56,869 Pardon me, bastard... Baxter. 240 00:15:56,956 --> 00:15:59,743 It is good to see what someone can do 241 00:15:59,834 --> 00:16:04,578 when opportunities are given to him instead of me. 242 00:16:04,672 --> 00:16:07,084 I'm here with Katharine hepburn's mom. 243 00:16:07,216 --> 00:16:12,336 Why did you throw the heart of the ocean Jewel over the rail of the Titanic? 244 00:16:13,347 --> 00:16:15,838 Did you feel bad letting Leo DiCaprio drown 245 00:16:15,892 --> 00:16:18,304 while you were safe on the big door? 246 00:16:18,394 --> 00:16:20,009 Could you have taken turns? 247 00:16:20,062 --> 00:16:23,429 Or were you too afraid to freeze your fat ass off? 248 00:16:23,816 --> 00:16:25,898 I guess that's how life is. 249 00:16:26,360 --> 00:16:30,945 Some people are drenched, freezing on a stupid boat in a stupid hat, 250 00:16:31,032 --> 00:16:34,524 while others are in a comfy news studio, sucking up the glory. 251 00:16:34,619 --> 00:16:36,701 No big deal. 252 00:16:38,080 --> 00:16:41,618 It's the owner of the "maid of the mist". Let's talk to him. 253 00:16:41,709 --> 00:16:44,621 Come here, bill. No, let's have a talk. 254 00:16:44,712 --> 00:16:46,794 What are you doing? 255 00:16:46,881 --> 00:16:49,998 You've been running the "maid of the mist" for 23 years. 256 00:16:50,092 --> 00:16:52,299 Why didn't I get the anchor job? 257 00:16:52,386 --> 00:16:54,923 - I don't want problems. - Is it my hair? 258 00:16:54,972 --> 00:16:56,382 Are my teeth not white? 259 00:16:56,432 --> 00:17:03,144 Or, like the falls, is the bedrock of my life eroding beneath me? 260 00:17:03,606 --> 00:17:05,437 Eroding! 261 00:17:10,279 --> 00:17:13,021 - Cut the feed. Go to black. - I'm on it. 262 00:17:14,700 --> 00:17:18,613 I'm Bruce Nolan, for eyewitness news. Back to you, fuckers! 263 00:17:20,623 --> 00:17:22,033 My god. 264 00:17:27,088 --> 00:17:28,669 That is perfect. 265 00:17:28,756 --> 00:17:34,092 That is the motivation I needed! Right there! Thank you! 266 00:17:35,263 --> 00:17:38,630 Thank you, wkbw. 267 00:17:38,724 --> 00:17:42,342 Wimpy... kitty baby whiners! 268 00:17:42,436 --> 00:17:44,518 That's what that stands for! 269 00:17:45,982 --> 00:17:50,567 I'll see you on channel 5, where they do the real news! 270 00:17:51,862 --> 00:17:53,944 Do I look blind to you? 271 00:17:57,243 --> 00:17:59,325 Let's go, man. Come on. 272 00:17:59,412 --> 00:18:01,903 What are you doing? 273 00:18:01,998 --> 00:18:04,239 Come on. Leave the poor guy alone! 274 00:18:05,209 --> 00:18:07,416 You ok, man? 275 00:18:08,713 --> 00:18:10,669 You'd better keep walking. 276 00:18:10,756 --> 00:18:14,214 - What'd you say? - Run, man! 277 00:18:14,302 --> 00:18:16,384 Run! 278 00:18:21,726 --> 00:18:23,762 I didn't mean it! 279 00:18:23,853 --> 00:18:25,844 I was kidding! 280 00:18:25,938 --> 00:18:28,020 You forgot your things. 281 00:18:31,819 --> 00:18:34,060 Say something now! 282 00:18:37,450 --> 00:18:40,533 B-e-a... 283 00:18:41,662 --> 00:18:44,074 Cutiful. 284 00:18:47,168 --> 00:18:49,250 That's what I get. 285 00:18:50,212 --> 00:18:53,375 That's what I get for trying to help someone. 286 00:18:55,259 --> 00:18:57,716 Don't look at me, Walter. 287 00:19:03,851 --> 00:19:10,017 That's my payment, I guess. That is my reward. 288 00:19:13,694 --> 00:19:17,061 Just? Just get a clue! 289 00:19:18,407 --> 00:19:20,068 Thank god you're all right. 290 00:19:20,159 --> 00:19:25,199 Let's thank god, shall we? His blessings rain down on me. 291 00:19:25,247 --> 00:19:28,284 - Wait! That's not rain! - Bruce, don't do that. 292 00:19:28,417 --> 00:19:31,033 Everything happens for a reason. 293 00:19:31,087 --> 00:19:34,295 That I don't need. That is a cliché. That is not helpful. 294 00:19:34,423 --> 00:19:36,880 "A bird in the hand is worth two in the bush." 295 00:19:36,926 --> 00:19:40,089 I have no bird! No bush! God took my bird and my bush. 296 00:19:40,221 --> 00:19:43,384 I see. So god is picking on you. 297 00:19:43,432 --> 00:19:45,889 No! He's ignoring me completely. 298 00:19:46,852 --> 00:19:50,185 He's too busy giving Evan everything he wants. 299 00:19:50,272 --> 00:19:53,355 Great, Sam. But you missed your target. I'm over here! 300 00:19:53,442 --> 00:19:56,229 Don't get mad at the dog. It's not his fault. 301 00:19:56,278 --> 00:19:59,486 It's god's. He gave him the wrong coordinates. 302 00:19:59,573 --> 00:20:02,110 Enough! Will you stop being such a martyr? 303 00:20:02,201 --> 00:20:04,817 I am not being a martyr! I'm a victim! 304 00:20:04,912 --> 00:20:08,780 God's a mean kid with a magnifying glass, and I'm the ant. 305 00:20:08,874 --> 00:20:11,115 He could fix my life if he wanted, 306 00:20:11,168 --> 00:20:14,535 but he'd rather burn off my feelers and watch me squirm. 307 00:20:14,630 --> 00:20:19,499 I know you're mad. What Evan did was slimy and wrong. 308 00:20:20,636 --> 00:20:24,220 But today could have been much worse. I'm glad you're ok. 309 00:20:24,306 --> 00:20:27,764 News flash! I'm not ok. 310 00:20:27,810 --> 00:20:31,302 I'm not ok with a mediocre job! Or a mediocre apartment! 311 00:20:31,397 --> 00:20:34,059 I am not ok with a mediocre life! 312 00:20:42,450 --> 00:20:45,692 Is that what you think we have? A mediocre life? 313 00:20:45,786 --> 00:20:47,822 Don't make this about you. 314 00:20:47,872 --> 00:20:51,490 About me? How could I make this about me? 315 00:20:51,542 --> 00:20:54,784 It's about you. It's always about you. 316 00:20:54,837 --> 00:20:57,169 Perfect! 317 00:20:57,256 --> 00:21:01,750 I'll have the worst day of my life with a side order of guilt, please! 318 00:21:07,516 --> 00:21:11,008 Ok, god. You want me to talk to you? 319 00:21:11,103 --> 00:21:14,436 Then talk back. Tell me what's going on. 320 00:21:14,523 --> 00:21:17,435 What should I do”? Give me a signal. 321 00:21:19,945 --> 00:21:23,483 I need your guidance, lord. Send me a sign. 322 00:21:27,661 --> 00:21:29,993 What's this joker doing? 323 00:21:35,711 --> 00:21:38,202 Ok. All right. I'll try it your way. 324 00:21:39,381 --> 00:21:43,875 All right. Lord... I need a miracle. 325 00:21:45,721 --> 00:21:47,461 I'm desperate. 326 00:21:47,556 --> 00:21:49,262 I need your help. 327 00:21:49,391 --> 00:21:51,723 Please, reach into my life... 328 00:21:54,563 --> 00:21:57,100 What the...” where are you? 329 00:21:57,191 --> 00:21:59,273 Got you! 330 00:22:42,528 --> 00:22:45,941 Fine! The gloves are off, pall! 331 00:22:45,990 --> 00:22:48,322 Come on! Show me some wrath! 332 00:22:48,409 --> 00:22:52,402 Smite me, o mighty smiter! 333 00:22:53,372 --> 00:22:55,704 You're the one who should be fired! 334 00:22:55,791 --> 00:23:00,285 The only one around here not doing his job is you! 335 00:23:01,297 --> 00:23:03,458 Answer Mel 336 00:23:18,480 --> 00:23:20,562 Sorry. Don't know you. 337 00:23:21,483 --> 00:23:23,644 Wouldn't call you if I did. 338 00:23:36,457 --> 00:23:38,493 God! 339 00:23:44,882 --> 00:23:47,544 Hello, 5550123. 340 00:24:12,618 --> 00:24:15,655 Sam! This has got to stop! 341 00:24:18,707 --> 00:24:22,370 Get it straight. That's the house. This is the bathroom. 342 00:24:22,419 --> 00:24:26,537 House, bathroom. Bathroom, house. 343 00:24:29,176 --> 00:24:31,883 What's the point? 344 00:24:55,452 --> 00:24:58,194 5550123. 345 00:25:00,749 --> 00:25:03,741 Denied that promotion at work? Is life unfair? 346 00:25:03,836 --> 00:25:06,953 Is someone less talented than you reaping the benefits? 347 00:25:07,047 --> 00:25:08,753 Is your name Bruce? 348 00:25:08,799 --> 00:25:11,085 Then do we have the job for you! 349 00:25:11,176 --> 00:25:14,418 We're located at 7725623rd street. 350 00:25:14,513 --> 00:25:18,097 Come on down. Or we'll just keep beeping you. 351 00:25:35,034 --> 00:25:36,615 "Omni presents." 352 00:25:39,788 --> 00:25:42,450 The glass is half-full. 353 00:25:44,835 --> 00:25:47,998 Come on! Look! What is that? 354 00:25:48,088 --> 00:25:50,044 What is that? 355 00:25:53,427 --> 00:25:54,917 Thank you! 356 00:26:02,352 --> 00:26:04,468 What the...? 357 00:26:11,820 --> 00:26:13,902 You're looking for room 7. 358 00:26:16,617 --> 00:26:19,825 - I figured. - Want me to even those up for you? 359 00:26:24,374 --> 00:26:27,832 - Where is room 77 - On the 7th floor. 360 00:26:27,878 --> 00:26:31,541 - Stairs are over there. - I'll take the elevator. 361 00:26:31,632 --> 00:26:35,250 - Out of order. - I love stairs. My second choice. 362 00:26:35,344 --> 00:26:37,551 Mind giving me a hand with this floor? 363 00:26:39,515 --> 00:26:42,052 That's good. 364 00:26:42,184 --> 00:26:43,674 Are you serious? 365 00:26:43,769 --> 00:26:46,556 I'm kind of busy. 366 00:26:47,773 --> 00:26:49,855 Rain check. 367 00:26:49,942 --> 00:26:51,728 I'll hold you to it. 368 00:26:52,402 --> 00:26:54,734 I'm free on the 7th at 7:00. 369 00:26:58,283 --> 00:27:00,524 The 7th at 7:00 it is. 370 00:27:03,539 --> 00:27:05,700 This looks promising. 371 00:27:11,088 --> 00:27:13,079 Hello? 372 00:27:13,173 --> 00:27:16,916 Another hugantic, ginormic waste of my life. 373 00:27:20,889 --> 00:27:23,301 I'm looking for whoever runs this joint! 374 00:27:23,392 --> 00:27:28,352 Be right with you. I'm fixing a light. Tell me if it's working. 375 00:27:28,397 --> 00:27:30,513 Yeah. Seems to be. 376 00:27:30,566 --> 00:27:34,605 - Kind of bright, though. - It is for most people, 377 00:27:34,695 --> 00:27:38,688 who spend their lives in the dark, trying to hide from me. 378 00:27:40,617 --> 00:27:42,903 The elevator's broken? 379 00:27:42,953 --> 00:27:45,740 Yeah, but I'll get around to it. 380 00:27:47,291 --> 00:27:50,658 - You installed a clapper? - No, but catchy jingle. 381 00:27:51,670 --> 00:27:53,581 Clap on, clap off 382 00:27:53,672 --> 00:27:55,754 clap on, clap off the clapper 383 00:27:57,593 --> 00:28:00,175 just can't get it out of my head. 384 00:28:00,262 --> 00:28:02,628 Good luck with that. 385 00:28:02,723 --> 00:28:04,588 I'm going to go now. 386 00:28:04,683 --> 00:28:06,924 But the boss will be right out. 387 00:28:14,985 --> 00:28:19,274 You must be Bruce. I've been expecting you. 388 00:28:21,575 --> 00:28:23,281 This is hilarious. 389 00:28:23,368 --> 00:28:26,155 You're the boss, electrician and janitor. 390 00:28:26,246 --> 00:28:28,453 Must be a killer Christmas party. 391 00:28:28,540 --> 00:28:31,953 Don't get drunk. One of you might need a ride home. 392 00:28:33,212 --> 00:28:36,625 You always were funny, Bruce. Just like your father. 393 00:28:37,466 --> 00:28:40,253 He didn't mind rolling up his sleeves. 394 00:28:40,302 --> 00:28:43,385 People underestimate the benefit of manual labour. 395 00:28:43,472 --> 00:28:45,258 There's freedom in it. 396 00:28:45,307 --> 00:28:49,516 Some of the happiest people smell to high heaven at day's end. 397 00:28:50,687 --> 00:28:55,477 How do you know my father and how did you get my pager number? 398 00:28:55,567 --> 00:28:57,683 I know quite a lot about you. 399 00:28:59,488 --> 00:29:02,446 Just about everything there is to know. 400 00:29:02,491 --> 00:29:07,110 Everything you've ever said or done or thought about doing... 401 00:29:08,497 --> 00:29:11,159 Right there in that file cabinet. 402 00:29:11,875 --> 00:29:15,493 - A whole drawer, just for me. - Yeah. 403 00:29:15,587 --> 00:29:17,919 Mind if I take a look? 404 00:29:18,006 --> 00:29:20,748 It's your life. 405 00:29:20,842 --> 00:29:23,504 This oughta be good. 406 00:29:36,984 --> 00:29:39,976 This last entry was a little disturbing. 407 00:29:51,290 --> 00:29:56,410 "The gloves are off. God took my bird and my bush." 408 00:29:56,503 --> 00:29:59,916 "God is a mean kid with a magnifying glass." 409 00:30:00,007 --> 00:30:03,374 "Smite me, o mighty smiter." 410 00:30:03,468 --> 00:30:07,552 I'm not much for blaspheming, but that last one made me laugh. 411 00:30:07,639 --> 00:30:10,005 Are you spying on me? 412 00:30:13,186 --> 00:30:15,768 Who are you? 413 00:30:15,856 --> 00:30:17,812 I am the one. 414 00:30:17,899 --> 00:30:21,232 Creator of the heavens and the earth. Alpha and omega. 415 00:30:22,654 --> 00:30:24,986 I see where this is going. 416 00:30:25,073 --> 00:30:27,940 Bruce... I am god. 417 00:30:28,035 --> 00:30:31,277 Bingo! Yahtzee! Is that your final answer? 418 00:30:31,371 --> 00:30:34,283 Our survey says, "god!" 419 00:30:36,001 --> 00:30:37,741 It was nice to meet you, god. 420 00:30:37,836 --> 00:30:41,454 Thanks for the Grand Canyon. Good luck with the apocalypse. 421 00:30:41,548 --> 00:30:44,085 And by the way, you suck! 422 00:30:45,427 --> 00:30:47,292 It would have been impressive 423 00:30:47,387 --> 00:30:50,879 if you hadn't used the cheesy file cabinet illusion. 424 00:30:50,932 --> 00:30:53,264 Anyone with a brain stem can see the drawer 425 00:30:53,352 --> 00:30:55,718 is fed through the wall from the other side. 426 00:30:55,771 --> 00:30:59,229 All you have to do is find the crease right here. 427 00:30:59,274 --> 00:31:03,017 There is a seam here, or a hollow spot. 428 00:31:07,449 --> 00:31:09,314 Where? 429 00:31:09,409 --> 00:31:12,742 Through the dry wall and concrete? 430 00:31:14,539 --> 00:31:17,622 That is a good one. 431 00:31:18,335 --> 00:31:22,795 - How many fingers am I holding up? - Thou shalt not tempt the lord. 432 00:31:22,881 --> 00:31:24,746 - If you can't do it... - Three. 433 00:31:24,800 --> 00:31:26,916 Two... four... nine. 434 00:31:26,968 --> 00:31:28,799 Six... eight... one. 435 00:31:33,600 --> 00:31:35,465 How many now? 436 00:31:35,519 --> 00:31:36,804 Seven. 437 00:31:41,942 --> 00:31:45,730 - How? - You've been complaining about me. 438 00:31:45,821 --> 00:31:48,904 - I'm tired of it. - Don't come near me. 439 00:31:48,990 --> 00:31:52,198 I don't want to hurt you, but I will out of instinct. 440 00:31:52,285 --> 00:31:56,073 You haven't won a fight since grade 5, and that was against a girl. 441 00:31:57,541 --> 00:32:00,533 She was huge. She had been held back. 442 00:32:00,627 --> 00:32:02,834 And the sun was in your eyes. 443 00:32:02,921 --> 00:32:04,877 The ego. 444 00:32:04,965 --> 00:32:07,627 Anyway, I want to offer you a job. 445 00:32:07,717 --> 00:32:10,333 - What job? - My job. 446 00:32:10,387 --> 00:32:13,754 You think you can do it better, so here's your chance. 447 00:32:13,849 --> 00:32:18,013 When you leave here, you will be endowed with my powers. 448 00:32:18,937 --> 00:32:20,848 Whatever you say, pal. 449 00:32:23,900 --> 00:32:27,939 That did not happen. No one needs to hear about it. 450 00:32:28,029 --> 00:32:30,566 I'm deleting the program. 451 00:32:31,950 --> 00:32:33,565 No. 452 00:32:33,660 --> 00:32:35,525 I'm having a breakdown. 453 00:32:35,620 --> 00:32:39,204 Everyday psychotic episode, caused by a tumour. 454 00:32:40,041 --> 00:32:42,202 Come on. Start! 455 00:32:44,212 --> 00:32:46,248 That was lucky. 456 00:32:50,886 --> 00:32:52,422 Calm down. 457 00:32:52,512 --> 00:32:56,551 You did not meet god. You do not have his powers. 458 00:32:56,600 --> 00:32:59,012 If that was god, I'm Clint Eastwood. 459 00:32:59,060 --> 00:33:01,142 Holy hell! 460 00:33:06,943 --> 00:33:11,562 - Be careful what you wish for, punk. - Nope! 461 00:33:12,532 --> 00:33:16,241 I am a reasonable, sane human being... 462 00:33:16,912 --> 00:33:18,823 With a .44 Magnum. 463 00:33:18,914 --> 00:33:21,405 The most powerful handgun in the... 464 00:33:22,250 --> 00:33:24,912 I'm not Clint Eastwood. I'm Bruce Nolan. 465 00:33:42,479 --> 00:33:44,936 That was not real. 466 00:33:47,192 --> 00:33:49,729 - Coffee? - Yeah. 467 00:33:49,778 --> 00:33:51,814 We have a special on soup. 468 00:33:51,905 --> 00:33:55,989 - No, thank you. - It's tomato. I made it myself. 469 00:34:33,321 --> 00:34:35,437 Excuse me, I need a spoo... 470 00:34:42,664 --> 00:34:44,245 I found one. 471 00:34:52,132 --> 00:34:53,872 Your soup. 472 00:34:54,009 --> 00:34:55,840 Soup, right. 473 00:35:47,187 --> 00:35:49,394 Having fun? 474 00:35:51,483 --> 00:35:52,893 Thy... thou... 475 00:35:53,234 --> 00:35:56,271 Come, take a closer walk with me. 476 00:35:57,906 --> 00:36:00,272 - Let me explain the rules. - Rules? 477 00:36:00,367 --> 00:36:03,609 You left in a rush, I didn't get to explain. 478 00:36:05,330 --> 00:36:10,916 - The two extra fingers freaked me out. - I figured I'd get your attention. 479 00:36:11,002 --> 00:36:15,541 I did the same thing to Gandhi. He didn't eat for three weeks. 480 00:36:15,590 --> 00:36:20,425 Here's the deal. You have my powers. Use them any way you choose. 481 00:36:20,512 --> 00:36:23,845 There are two rules. Tell no one you're god. 482 00:36:23,932 --> 00:36:26,218 You don't want the attention. 483 00:36:26,267 --> 00:36:28,758 And you can't mess with free will. 484 00:36:32,023 --> 00:36:34,856 - Can I ask why? - You can! 485 00:36:35,568 --> 00:36:37,775 That's the beauty of it. 486 00:36:44,828 --> 00:36:48,195 - Amazing. - Speaking of amazing, excuse me. 487 00:36:52,127 --> 00:36:54,960 Holy sh... cow. 488 00:36:55,880 --> 00:37:00,544 Since you're through with these, I'll keep them. Might come in handy. 489 00:37:02,429 --> 00:37:04,636 See you around, kid. 490 00:37:05,140 --> 00:37:08,678 - Where are you going? - I'm taking a vacation. 491 00:37:12,689 --> 00:37:14,475 Heard of the dark ages? 492 00:37:15,483 --> 00:37:20,603 I'm covered. You can clear everything up in five minutes. Right? 493 00:38:07,827 --> 00:38:10,193 And he saw that it was good. 494 00:38:34,729 --> 00:38:38,722 B-e-a-utiful! 495 00:38:43,947 --> 00:38:47,280 Check it out. 496 00:38:47,742 --> 00:38:49,528 It's the hero. 497 00:38:49,577 --> 00:38:52,944 - Whassup, homie? - Brethren, what up with thee? 498 00:38:53,915 --> 00:38:57,624 - Blessings on your alley. - Want another beating? 499 00:38:57,710 --> 00:39:00,998 - You didn't get enough? - He wants more! 500 00:39:01,089 --> 00:39:05,128 Surely, I say unto you dudes, I do not wish to fight. 501 00:39:05,218 --> 00:39:08,927 As soon as you apologise and admit your transgressions, 502 00:39:09,013 --> 00:39:13,632 I shall absolve you and continue along the path of righteousness. 503 00:39:13,726 --> 00:39:16,433 What are you talking about? 504 00:39:19,399 --> 00:39:22,391 I don't know if you lost it up here. 505 00:39:22,443 --> 00:39:25,651 You want me and the homies to apologise? Cool. 506 00:39:25,738 --> 00:39:30,778 We'll apologise the day a monkey comes out of my butt. 507 00:39:33,955 --> 00:39:37,197 What a coincidence! Because that's today. 508 00:39:55,184 --> 00:39:57,675 Did that monkey come out your crack? 509 00:40:02,609 --> 00:40:06,318 This is some voodoo shit! 510 00:40:06,404 --> 00:40:08,190 You guys leaving? 511 00:40:09,949 --> 00:40:12,281 Don't forget your parting gifts! 512 00:40:39,187 --> 00:40:41,849 Little anal-dwelling butt monkey. 513 00:40:41,898 --> 00:40:44,685 Time for you to go home. 514 00:40:57,497 --> 00:41:00,364 I am Bruce almighty. 515 00:41:00,416 --> 00:41:02,577 My will be done! 516 00:41:30,321 --> 00:41:32,403 - My god. - Call me Bruce. 517 00:41:32,448 --> 00:41:34,814 What happened to you? You seem so... 518 00:41:39,580 --> 00:41:40,990 Happy. 519 00:41:41,082 --> 00:41:43,744 Why not? On a night like this. 520 00:41:43,835 --> 00:41:46,247 They're amazing. What are these? 521 00:41:46,337 --> 00:41:50,376 A cross-pollination between tulips and daisies. 522 00:41:50,425 --> 00:41:53,087 I call them todayzees. 523 00:42:02,645 --> 00:42:06,433 These flowers are beautiful, but last night... 524 00:42:06,524 --> 00:42:08,810 Last night, I was only human. 525 00:42:14,198 --> 00:42:16,405 Barry, help me out. 526 00:43:17,220 --> 00:43:19,882 I've never seen the moon that big. 527 00:43:21,557 --> 00:43:23,513 We shouldn't waste it. 528 00:43:34,195 --> 00:43:36,186 Bedroom? 529 00:43:36,239 --> 00:43:38,321 Five minutes. 530 00:43:47,333 --> 00:43:49,949 Let there be light. 531 00:43:52,755 --> 00:43:54,791 Be out in a minute! 532 00:43:55,383 --> 00:43:57,214 Don't rush. 533 00:43:57,260 --> 00:44:01,299 Sometimes anticipation can heighten the pleasure. 534 00:44:05,893 --> 00:44:08,384 It's a funny thing about pleasure. 535 00:44:09,939 --> 00:44:14,228 It can be quite... pleasurable! 536 00:44:17,071 --> 00:44:19,232 My god. 537 00:44:19,907 --> 00:44:22,319 Pleasuring, pleasurable. 538 00:44:25,246 --> 00:44:26,656 Good god! 539 00:44:36,382 --> 00:44:42,127 In Japan, relief workers are trying to rescue hundreds of people, 540 00:44:42,221 --> 00:44:46,260 stranded by a freak tidal wave that hit kitamoto city. 541 00:44:46,309 --> 00:44:49,096 Scientists say the Tsunami may have been caused 542 00:44:49,145 --> 00:44:52,683 by what they are describing as unusual lunar activity. 543 00:44:52,773 --> 00:44:54,889 More on this as it develops. 544 00:44:59,197 --> 00:45:03,440 Bless my mommy, my daddy, and especially my little sister. 545 00:45:07,413 --> 00:45:09,950 Help me get through this, lord. 546 00:45:11,959 --> 00:45:14,075 I'm asking for your help. 547 00:45:16,422 --> 00:45:19,789 Thank you for everything else in my life. Amen. 548 00:45:45,409 --> 00:45:47,650 Good boy. 549 00:45:49,080 --> 00:45:51,162 Forget something? 550 00:45:54,585 --> 00:45:57,702 Good boy! There are girls in the house. 551 00:46:01,968 --> 00:46:04,175 - Morning. - Good morning. 552 00:46:04,262 --> 00:46:07,470 - I made you grilled cheese. - My fave. 553 00:46:08,224 --> 00:46:11,716 - Last night was... - Heavenly. I know. 554 00:46:11,811 --> 00:46:16,475 I woke up and I felt like my boobs were bigger. 555 00:46:16,524 --> 00:46:21,814 - Do they look bigger to you? - What? 556 00:46:21,862 --> 00:46:26,356 - Bigger? - Come on! Look at them. 557 00:46:26,450 --> 00:46:31,661 They are definitely bigger. Look. They feel huge to me. 558 00:46:31,706 --> 00:46:33,367 I have to go. 559 00:46:33,457 --> 00:46:39,248 But this has been the breast bek... Breast... thank you. 560 00:46:39,338 --> 00:46:43,126 - Where are you going? - To get my job back. 561 00:46:46,595 --> 00:46:48,881 I am great 562 00:46:51,142 --> 00:46:52,382 I am... 563 00:46:52,435 --> 00:46:54,721 Good grief! Is that what I'm driving? 564 00:47:06,157 --> 00:47:10,366 - Nice car, man. - It gets me from a to b. 565 00:47:23,799 --> 00:47:27,087 Darn. All this horsepower and no room to gallop! 566 00:47:30,598 --> 00:47:33,806 Hi-yo, silver. Away! 567 00:47:42,109 --> 00:47:45,021 I wouldn't want to be a fugitive with Hank, 568 00:47:45,112 --> 00:47:48,104 buffalo's number one police dog, on the job. 569 00:47:48,157 --> 00:47:52,776 Phil sidleman, at the police canine training centre, channel 5 news. 570 00:47:52,870 --> 00:47:55,111 Cut. 571 00:48:00,378 --> 00:48:04,621 Look what the cat coughed up! Channel 7. The guy that went crazy. 572 00:48:05,341 --> 00:48:07,627 - I had a bad moment. - Why are you here? 573 00:48:08,677 --> 00:48:10,918 - Looking for a story. - No story here. 574 00:48:10,971 --> 00:48:15,510 This pond is all fished out. Pretty standard stuff, anyway. 575 00:48:15,601 --> 00:48:18,764 My instinct tells me there's something more. 576 00:48:18,813 --> 00:48:22,305 Go with that. It served you well in the past. 577 00:48:30,491 --> 00:48:32,322 Hank found something! 578 00:48:33,869 --> 00:48:36,326 We got a body! 579 00:48:37,289 --> 00:48:39,780 Get the camera! Now! 580 00:48:39,834 --> 00:48:44,168 - The keys are inside! - Every dog has his day. 581 00:48:44,213 --> 00:48:46,670 Want to make $10? 582 00:48:46,715 --> 00:48:49,377 - Know how to use one of these? - Duh. 583 00:48:51,178 --> 00:48:53,635 Seems to be in tune. Let's do this. 584 00:48:53,681 --> 00:48:56,844 The body of Jimmy hoffa was uncovered in a field today, 585 00:48:56,934 --> 00:49:00,097 outside a canine training centre in buffalo. 586 00:49:00,187 --> 00:49:03,850 - Bruce Nolan was first on the scene. - Thank you, Jane. 587 00:49:03,899 --> 00:49:07,187 The body is being carefully exhumed 588 00:49:07,278 --> 00:49:11,738 for transportation to a facility where DNA can confirm the identity. 589 00:49:11,824 --> 00:49:14,736 That, however, is merely a formality, 590 00:49:14,827 --> 00:49:20,572 as the body was found with a birth certificate and dental records. 591 00:49:20,708 --> 00:49:23,415 A red-letter day for any canine unit. 592 00:49:23,502 --> 00:49:26,244 Was that enough for Hank? No, sirree. 593 00:49:26,380 --> 00:49:32,626 Moments later, he busted a news crew with 220 pounds of marijuana. 594 00:49:33,095 --> 00:49:35,677 I never saw it before! I swear! 595 00:49:38,976 --> 00:49:41,058 I'm Bruce Nolan... 596 00:49:41,145 --> 00:49:44,103 And that's the way the cookie crumbles! 597 00:49:57,286 --> 00:49:59,447 Good work. I'm impressed. 598 00:50:04,001 --> 00:50:06,083 Need me for something? 599 00:50:07,004 --> 00:50:10,872 Just the man I want to see. Hoffa? What are the odds? 600 00:50:10,966 --> 00:50:13,378 What are the odds? 601 00:50:13,427 --> 00:50:15,588 Sit down. 602 00:50:15,721 --> 00:50:19,509 I'll be straight with you. We want you back. 603 00:50:19,600 --> 00:50:23,092 It was not my decision to let you go. 604 00:50:23,729 --> 00:50:26,971 - When the big guy gives an order... - No harm, no foul. 605 00:50:27,066 --> 00:50:30,183 I needed to reassess and get in touch with myself. 606 00:50:30,319 --> 00:50:33,652 - In a day? - Imagine what I could do with seven. 607 00:50:34,907 --> 00:50:37,774 It's not in my power to give you anchor. 608 00:50:37,952 --> 00:50:40,989 But as far as field reporting goes... 609 00:50:41,080 --> 00:50:44,447 Cut the crap and get down to brass tacks. 610 00:50:49,463 --> 00:50:51,454 I had you going. 611 00:50:51,549 --> 00:50:54,256 Don't worry about it, my old friend. 612 00:50:54,802 --> 00:50:57,635 Give me a camera. I'll give you the news. 613 00:51:06,230 --> 00:51:12,146 I let the jalapenos marinate in a spicy sauce 614 00:51:12,194 --> 00:51:16,483 for 24 hours before I stir it into the chilli. 615 00:51:16,532 --> 00:51:19,365 Then I let it all come to a simmer. 616 00:51:24,248 --> 00:51:25,658 Hold that thought. 617 00:51:25,708 --> 00:51:29,166 It seems as if an asteroid or meteorite 618 00:51:29,211 --> 00:51:33,375 has hit ground outside the Mark twain chilli cook-off! 619 00:51:34,341 --> 00:51:37,003 This should spice things up! 620 00:51:37,052 --> 00:51:39,338 His stories are all over town. 621 00:51:39,388 --> 00:51:40,844 From unearthing hoffa... 622 00:51:40,889 --> 00:51:42,880 To a meteor crashing... 623 00:51:42,975 --> 00:51:46,342 Bruce Nolan is becoming known as... 624 00:52:01,118 --> 00:52:04,781 That's the way the cookie crumbles! 625 00:52:09,418 --> 00:52:11,750 This was Bruce's idea? 626 00:52:11,837 --> 00:52:16,547 He wanted me to have a day of beauty and luxurious Serenity. 627 00:52:18,135 --> 00:52:21,343 He is impressing me lately. 628 00:52:21,388 --> 00:52:23,720 Know where he's taking me to dinner? 629 00:52:23,766 --> 00:52:25,927 Where? 630 00:52:28,646 --> 00:52:30,261 The blue palm? 631 00:52:32,191 --> 00:52:35,228 - I just got chills. - I know. 632 00:52:35,277 --> 00:52:39,566 He told me to prepare for the most memorable night of our lives. 633 00:52:40,532 --> 00:52:44,320 - He's going to propose. - Stop it. No. He's... 634 00:52:44,411 --> 00:52:47,073 - Really? - Yeah, really. 635 00:52:47,164 --> 00:52:50,122 He sends you to a spa, 636 00:52:50,209 --> 00:52:54,373 takes you to a romantic restaurant, where you had your first date. 637 00:52:54,505 --> 00:52:59,716 I never thought I'd say it, Bruce is right. This is your night. Enjoy it. 638 00:53:06,058 --> 00:53:11,178 Welcome to eyewitness news at six, with Susan Ortega, Evan Baxter, 639 00:53:11,271 --> 00:53:13,978 Fred Donohue, sports, Dallas Coleman, weather. 640 00:53:14,066 --> 00:53:16,523 Now, buffalo's number one news team. 641 00:53:16,610 --> 00:53:19,693 Welcome to eyewitness news at six. I'm Susan Ortega. 642 00:53:19,780 --> 00:53:22,271 I'm Evan Baxter. Here's what's making news. 643 00:53:22,366 --> 00:53:26,279 A potential scandal with the buffalo pd surfaced today, 644 00:53:26,328 --> 00:53:29,035 when the mayor demanded... 645 00:53:29,123 --> 00:53:34,334 When the mayor demanded the chief... When the mayor demanded... 646 00:53:34,795 --> 00:53:37,377 Issued a response to... 647 00:53:37,464 --> 00:53:41,298 - I seem to have something stuck in... - Get him some water. 648 00:53:41,385 --> 00:53:44,047 My new co-anchor needs water. 649 00:53:50,018 --> 00:53:51,883 There we go. Sorry. 650 00:53:51,979 --> 00:53:56,769 In other news, the prime minister of Sweden visited Washington today, 651 00:53:56,817 --> 00:53:59,980 and my tiny little nipples went to France. 652 00:54:00,863 --> 00:54:03,070 What did he say? Check the prompter. 653 00:54:06,660 --> 00:54:11,324 - It's fine. - Evan, read the copy. It's good. 654 00:54:12,166 --> 00:54:15,579 The white house received the prime rib roast minister, 655 00:54:15,669 --> 00:54:19,207 and I do the cha-cha like a sissy girl. 656 00:54:21,049 --> 00:54:23,836 I lika do 657 00:54:23,927 --> 00:54:26,293 da cha-cha. 658 00:54:30,267 --> 00:54:33,930 I'm sorry. We seem to be having technical difficulties. 659 00:54:34,438 --> 00:54:36,178 In other news... 660 00:54:39,234 --> 00:54:41,771 My apologies. 661 00:56:05,404 --> 00:56:07,816 May 17? 662 00:56:12,911 --> 00:56:15,323 It's perfect. She'll love it. 663 00:56:22,963 --> 00:56:26,251 I was going to wait until after the meal, 664 00:56:27,259 --> 00:56:30,968 but it'll burst out of me like an alien if I don't do it now. 665 00:56:34,433 --> 00:56:39,223 This is it, isn't it? I don't know if I'm ready for this. 666 00:56:39,313 --> 00:56:44,398 I'm ready. I didn't know if I would... I'm sorry, go on. 667 00:56:44,484 --> 00:56:47,942 - I didn't know it mattered to you. - Me, neither. 668 00:57:01,877 --> 00:57:04,209 I got anchor. 669 00:57:09,009 --> 00:57:11,671 It wasn't working out with Evan, 670 00:57:11,720 --> 00:57:16,259 so he's going to finish the week and I go live on Monday. 671 00:57:18,226 --> 00:57:22,310 - That's great, honey. - I know. 672 00:57:26,193 --> 00:57:29,356 - So that's what this is about. - Yeah. 673 00:57:30,739 --> 00:57:36,075 Jack's throwing me a party Friday at the Vanderbilt estate to celebrate. 674 00:57:36,161 --> 00:57:38,197 - What's wrong? - Nothing. 675 00:57:38,830 --> 00:57:41,867 Now I lay me down to sleep I pray the lord my soul... 676 00:57:41,917 --> 00:57:44,124 I feel stupid. 677 00:57:44,211 --> 00:57:47,044 - It's loud in here. - It's not loud. 678 00:57:48,423 --> 00:57:50,505 Keep it down to a dull roar. 679 00:57:50,550 --> 00:57:53,041 - Thank youl! - Is that supposed to be funny? 680 00:57:53,095 --> 00:57:55,552 Because it's not. 681 00:57:55,973 --> 00:57:59,807 - What are you saying? - What is wrong? Stop yelling. 682 00:58:02,062 --> 00:58:05,475 Can you excuse me? I'll take a trip to the... 683 00:58:07,109 --> 00:58:09,896 The wine is going right through me. 684 00:58:10,028 --> 00:58:12,895 I'm so sorry. 685 00:58:12,948 --> 00:58:15,064 Keep going, Tony! You're great! 686 00:58:18,203 --> 00:58:22,162 What is going on here? What is this? 687 00:58:22,249 --> 00:58:24,331 Give me a break! 688 00:58:29,339 --> 00:58:31,421 Really something, isn't it? 689 00:58:34,094 --> 00:58:38,633 - Is this heaven? - No, this is mount Everest. 690 00:58:38,724 --> 00:58:41,682 You should watch the discovery channel sometimes. 691 00:58:42,060 --> 00:58:45,678 But I guess you can't now, being dead and all. 692 00:58:46,857 --> 00:58:49,849 - I'm dead? - No, I'm messing with you. 693 00:58:49,985 --> 00:58:52,977 That's not funny, man! 694 00:58:54,698 --> 00:58:58,907 And the voices in my head? Is that part of the hilarity? 695 00:58:58,994 --> 00:59:03,328 Those are prayers. You keep ignoring them, they'll build up. 696 00:59:03,373 --> 00:59:06,206 It's just noise. I can't understand them. 697 00:59:07,044 --> 00:59:09,080 You're not listening, son. 698 00:59:09,713 --> 00:59:11,920 Let's see. 699 00:59:12,007 --> 00:59:17,297 You've had my powers a week. How many people have you helped? 700 00:59:20,599 --> 00:59:22,555 I took care of a few things. 701 00:59:22,601 --> 00:59:25,764 I righted a few wrongs in my own life first. 702 00:59:25,854 --> 00:59:28,220 I was going to help the others. 703 00:59:28,315 --> 00:59:33,560 - I could help the world. - That wasn't the world. 704 00:59:39,659 --> 00:59:43,243 I didn't want to start you with more than you could handle. 705 00:59:43,330 --> 00:59:46,948 You took the job. I suggest you get to it. 706 00:59:51,338 --> 00:59:53,704 Prayers, prayers. 707 00:59:54,966 --> 00:59:59,209 This whisper thing has to end. I need organisation and management. 708 00:59:59,262 --> 01:00:03,301 I need a system. Something concrete. Concentrate. 709 01:00:04,726 --> 01:00:09,220 Files. Let all prayers be organised into files. 710 01:00:14,111 --> 01:00:17,854 That takes care of the voices. Not exactly a space-saver, though. 711 01:00:18,865 --> 01:00:21,026 Grace might notice. 712 01:00:21,326 --> 01:00:23,658 I know. Prayer post-its! 713 01:00:38,844 --> 01:00:44,134 I need something with a lock. Security. A password. 714 01:00:44,474 --> 01:00:46,135 A password. 715 01:00:46,184 --> 01:00:49,802 Yahweh! 716 01:00:49,855 --> 01:00:51,971 You've got prayers. 717 01:00:52,649 --> 01:00:55,857 Welcome to the revelation superhighway. 718 01:00:55,944 --> 01:00:59,027 We bless, no mess. Downloading now. 719 01:01:02,576 --> 01:01:04,157 It's good! 720 01:01:06,913 --> 01:01:09,279 This is going to take a while. 721 01:01:22,095 --> 01:01:24,302 I'd better manifest some coffee. 722 01:01:44,284 --> 01:01:48,698 That's fresh, mountain-grown coffee from the hills of Colombia. 723 01:02:16,566 --> 01:02:20,650 I have to have made some kind of a dent by now. 724 01:02:22,989 --> 01:02:25,230 Come on! 725 01:02:26,409 --> 01:02:30,152 What a bunch of whiners. This will suck up my life. 726 01:02:36,127 --> 01:02:38,413 Yes. To all. 727 01:02:40,131 --> 01:02:43,498 There you go. Now everybody's happy. 728 01:02:52,018 --> 01:02:56,102 I'll drink to that. My tech stocks tripled in five days. 729 01:02:56,147 --> 01:02:58,388 Joe, you seem taller. 730 01:02:58,441 --> 01:03:01,103 - I am. - My daughter pitched a no-hitter. 731 01:03:01,236 --> 01:03:04,273 I lost 47 pounds on the krispy kreme diet. 732 01:03:04,364 --> 01:03:07,527 There he is! The man of the hour! 733 01:03:07,617 --> 01:03:11,530 Bless you! Bless all of you! 734 01:03:11,621 --> 01:03:15,785 Be fruitful, and do long division or something! 735 01:03:16,793 --> 01:03:19,626 Try that. It's an excellent year. 736 01:03:20,630 --> 01:03:24,919 - Who do you like in the game? - The sabres. Coach prays a lot. 737 01:03:46,573 --> 01:03:49,781 This is Bruce, grace and Sam. Leave a message. 738 01:03:50,285 --> 01:03:52,822 Are you there? It's me. 739 01:03:55,832 --> 01:03:58,539 Come on, grace. Come to the party. 740 01:03:59,085 --> 01:04:01,326 I'll call you later, ok? 741 01:04:03,590 --> 01:04:06,002 Come on, Sam. 742 01:04:08,511 --> 01:04:10,627 Help me out. 743 01:04:12,599 --> 01:04:14,931 Sam, don't. Come on. 744 01:04:15,018 --> 01:04:17,634 - Tell me. - If I do, it might not come true. 745 01:04:17,687 --> 01:04:22,147 What do you want, Mary? You want the moon? 746 01:04:22,359 --> 01:04:25,851 I'll throw a lasso around it and pull it down. 747 01:04:25,904 --> 01:04:29,738 That's a good idea. I'll give you the moon. 748 01:04:29,824 --> 01:04:31,689 I'll take it. 749 01:04:31,743 --> 01:04:34,860 - Then what? - Then you could swallow it. 750 01:04:34,913 --> 01:04:37,029 And it'd all dissolve. 751 01:04:37,123 --> 01:04:41,833 Moonbeams would shoot out of your fingers and the ends of your hair. 752 01:04:54,391 --> 01:04:56,632 This is Bruce, grace and Sam. 753 01:05:02,524 --> 01:05:06,733 - Why are you in here all alone? - I was going to... 754 01:05:11,074 --> 01:05:13,656 I was going to give grace a call. 755 01:05:13,743 --> 01:05:18,453 I didn't see her here. So how are you and grace doing? 756 01:05:19,207 --> 01:05:24,918 Actually, we had a bit of a fight. I'm not sure if she's... 757 01:05:25,004 --> 01:05:27,290 You're on fire, Bruce. 758 01:05:27,382 --> 01:05:29,919 Some women can't handle fire. 759 01:05:30,802 --> 01:05:33,293 Some can. 760 01:05:33,388 --> 01:05:37,552 That's interesting, cos I never thought we would ever talk... 761 01:05:58,413 --> 01:06:01,120 You might want to stop touching me now. 762 01:06:05,295 --> 01:06:07,957 Come here! 763 01:06:08,590 --> 01:06:10,581 This is weird. I was just calling you. 764 01:06:10,633 --> 01:06:14,125 You thought Susan's mouth was the phone? 765 01:06:14,220 --> 01:06:16,962 She kissed me. 766 01:06:17,015 --> 01:06:21,634 - You put up a big fight. - I tried to stop her, but she's strong. 767 01:06:21,728 --> 01:06:24,970 I screwed up. Can I make it up to you? 768 01:06:25,064 --> 01:06:27,646 Why don't you get me a boat? 769 01:06:27,734 --> 01:06:30,601 A big boat. And two big bags of cash. 770 01:06:30,653 --> 01:06:32,644 Then I'll be happy. 771 01:06:32,697 --> 01:06:34,858 Lots of money and lots of stuff! 772 01:06:34,949 --> 01:06:40,194 Other people wanna get married or have babies with the man they love. 773 01:06:40,288 --> 01:06:43,121 But not me. Just give me the boat. 774 01:06:43,541 --> 01:06:46,123 No wonder you stayed single! 775 01:06:46,169 --> 01:06:50,037 - Don't do this. - I'm not doing this. I'm undoing it. 776 01:06:50,131 --> 01:06:54,465 I'll be at Debbie's. Keep Sam until I make arrangements. 777 01:06:56,054 --> 01:06:58,466 You can't leave me. 778 01:06:59,641 --> 01:07:01,757 I'm the Alpha, lady! 779 01:07:01,851 --> 01:07:04,012 I'm the omega, baby! 780 01:07:05,355 --> 01:07:07,141 Fine! I don't need you! 781 01:07:13,988 --> 01:07:18,106 What's wrong? She can't handle a little competition? 782 01:07:19,452 --> 01:07:21,784 Game's been called on account of rain. 783 01:07:37,428 --> 01:07:41,797 An unusually high number of lottery winners has officials concerned. 784 01:07:41,891 --> 01:07:44,598 1100 winning tickets have been turned in, 785 01:07:44,686 --> 01:07:46,972 all, strangely, from the buffalo area. 786 01:07:48,731 --> 01:07:50,972 More on this story as it develops. 787 01:07:52,026 --> 01:07:56,520 Enjoying your party? Nothing like spending quality time with friends. 788 01:07:59,117 --> 01:08:02,905 - Grace left me. - Yeah, I know. 789 01:08:03,413 --> 01:08:05,495 She'll take me back. 790 01:08:08,084 --> 01:08:11,417 - She'll take me back, right? - Would you take you back? 791 01:08:17,760 --> 01:08:21,753 How do you make somebody love you without affecting free will? 792 01:08:22,265 --> 01:08:24,381 Welcome to my world. 793 01:08:24,434 --> 01:08:28,347 If you come up with an answer to that one, let me know. 794 01:08:37,822 --> 01:08:39,562 Rise and shine, buffalo. 795 01:08:53,796 --> 01:08:55,912 - Bye. - Have fun. 796 01:09:21,991 --> 01:09:24,778 - Can I get a coffee to go? - Sure. 797 01:09:24,827 --> 01:09:29,912 K-tel records brings you the 100 greatest love songs of all time. 798 01:09:29,999 --> 01:09:33,332 You'll hear such classics as "all you need is Bruce", 799 01:09:33,378 --> 01:09:37,041 "if you can't be with the one you love, then love Bruce", 800 01:09:37,131 --> 01:09:39,622 "do that to Bruce one more time". 801 01:09:39,676 --> 01:09:44,591 And who can forget, "Bruce so horny"? 802 01:09:44,681 --> 01:09:49,846 Order today and we'll throw in the video sweatin' to Bruce. 803 01:09:49,894 --> 01:09:52,977 Just dial 1900-4 giv him. 804 01:09:53,022 --> 01:09:56,480 That's 1900-4 giv him. Do it now. 805 01:10:26,222 --> 01:10:29,430 Don't put that in your mouth. That's not food. 806 01:10:29,517 --> 01:10:33,305 Go to the bathroom. Wash your mouth and your hands. 807 01:10:34,147 --> 01:10:36,854 That kid is gonna poop an ornament. 808 01:10:36,941 --> 01:10:39,023 Do it, you're in a lot of trouble. 809 01:10:41,487 --> 01:10:43,569 All right, that's it! 810 01:10:46,576 --> 01:10:48,567 I surrender! 811 01:11:00,089 --> 01:11:03,252 I'm doing my first anchor tonight. 812 01:11:04,844 --> 01:11:06,254 That's great. 813 01:11:06,304 --> 01:11:09,842 - How have you been? - Good. 814 01:11:11,601 --> 01:11:15,344 - Debbie won the lottery. - You're kidding. 815 01:11:15,438 --> 01:11:20,148 But so did 400,000 other people, so she only won $17. 816 01:11:23,821 --> 01:11:25,186 I miss you. 817 01:11:30,870 --> 01:11:35,159 I took the first step. Jumped out on a ledge. 818 01:11:36,125 --> 01:11:38,081 Feeling pretty vulnerable. 819 01:11:38,127 --> 01:11:40,994 - What do you want me to say? - You want me back. 820 01:11:41,088 --> 01:11:44,296 - No. - What about all the signs? 821 01:11:44,342 --> 01:11:48,506 How did you know about that? Did you talk to Debbie? 822 01:11:48,596 --> 01:11:51,929 Would it help if I said I was a complete ass? 823 01:11:51,974 --> 01:11:53,384 You said "ass"! 824 01:11:53,476 --> 01:11:58,311 It's ok if I'm talking about a donkey. I didn't say "hole". If I said "ass..." 825 01:11:58,356 --> 01:12:01,268 No, wait. Honey, let's go inside. 826 01:12:01,317 --> 01:12:04,309 Kids! Everybody inside. Time to go in. 827 01:12:06,364 --> 01:12:09,401 Please. None of this seems right without you. 828 01:12:13,704 --> 01:12:15,740 I have to go. 829 01:12:15,832 --> 01:12:18,198 Wait! 830 01:12:24,215 --> 01:12:26,297 How do you feel now? 831 01:12:29,011 --> 01:12:31,844 Have you completely lost your mind? 832 01:12:31,931 --> 01:12:34,923 - Are you drunk? - Drunk with power. 833 01:12:40,857 --> 01:12:42,563 Love me. 834 01:12:42,650 --> 01:12:45,562 Love me. Love me. 835 01:12:46,654 --> 01:12:48,645 Love me! 836 01:12:49,907 --> 01:12:51,989 I did. 837 01:13:04,046 --> 01:13:06,128 Yeah, I know. Free will. 838 01:13:07,300 --> 01:13:11,919 More power outages reported today from last week's meteorite strike. 839 01:13:12,013 --> 01:13:15,426 Officials are trying to repair transformers 840 01:13:15,516 --> 01:13:18,223 damaged by the electrical surge. 841 01:13:18,311 --> 01:13:19,892 It nearly turned violent 842 01:13:19,979 --> 01:13:25,269 when buffalo residents protested last week's lottery results. 843 01:13:25,359 --> 01:13:28,817 Doomsayers are saying last week's strange celestial events 844 01:13:28,905 --> 01:13:31,772 are signs that prophecy is being fulfilled, 845 01:13:31,866 --> 01:13:34,528 and the world is coming to an end. 846 01:13:35,745 --> 01:13:37,235 The world's gone mad. 847 01:13:37,288 --> 01:13:39,449 30 seconds to air. 848 01:13:39,540 --> 01:13:42,623 There you are. Your big debut. How do you feel? 849 01:13:42,752 --> 01:13:47,712 You know what? I'm fine. Never better. The show must go on. 850 01:13:51,427 --> 01:13:55,045 - The sabres won the Stanley cup. - You're kidding! 851 01:13:55,598 --> 01:13:57,930 Was that tonight? That's great. 852 01:13:57,975 --> 01:14:02,389 It's crazy out there. We're going to kick live to Fred at the stadium. 853 01:14:02,438 --> 01:14:04,099 Five seconds. 854 01:14:04,190 --> 01:14:07,648 - You ready? - Born that way. 855 01:14:07,735 --> 01:14:12,570 Welcome to eyewitness news at six, with Susan Ortega, Bruce Nolan, 856 01:14:12,657 --> 01:14:15,945 Fred Donohue and Dallas Coleman. 857 01:14:16,118 --> 01:14:18,279 Buffalo's number one news team. 858 01:14:18,371 --> 01:14:20,362 - I'm Susan Ortega. - I'm Bruce Nolan. 859 01:14:20,456 --> 01:14:22,492 And here's what's making news. 860 01:14:23,626 --> 01:14:26,368 - What happened? - We lost power. 861 01:14:26,462 --> 01:14:28,544 Transformer's down. 862 01:14:28,631 --> 01:14:30,792 Ever since that damn meteorite hit. 863 01:14:32,760 --> 01:14:35,627 - It's ok. - We apologise for the interruption. 864 01:14:35,680 --> 01:14:37,921 - Back to the news. Bruce? - Thank you. 865 01:14:37,974 --> 01:14:41,137 I'm sorry. We're going live to hsbc arena, 866 01:14:41,185 --> 01:14:44,302 where the buffalo sabres have won the Stanley cup. 867 01:14:44,397 --> 01:14:45,762 Great. 868 01:14:45,815 --> 01:14:47,555 We're uncorking champagne 869 01:14:47,650 --> 01:14:53,145 because the sabres have won their first championship in 22 years! 870 01:14:55,825 --> 01:14:57,315 What in the blue blazes? 871 01:14:57,368 --> 01:15:02,158 We'll be back with the sabres' victory in a hot second. 872 01:15:02,206 --> 01:15:04,071 In other news... 873 01:15:04,166 --> 01:15:06,748 - Bloody hell! - What is it now? 874 01:15:06,836 --> 01:15:09,327 - The booth is down. - It's not! 875 01:15:09,422 --> 01:15:14,962 In other news, fighting erupted in the gaza strip today, 876 01:15:15,011 --> 01:15:17,172 as Israelis and palestinians... 877 01:15:17,263 --> 01:15:19,754 - Bruce. - What? 878 01:15:19,849 --> 01:15:21,840 They're rioting outside. 879 01:15:21,934 --> 01:15:24,926 - You're kidding. - The town's gone crazy. 880 01:15:30,026 --> 01:15:31,937 Go on, Bruce. Say something. 881 01:15:32,945 --> 01:15:35,857 Ladies and gentlemen, this just in. 882 01:15:36,866 --> 01:15:42,156 Possibly the biggest breaking news story this town has ever seen. 883 01:15:49,670 --> 01:15:51,706 And I gotta go. 884 01:15:52,882 --> 01:15:55,089 I'm sorry, Jack. 885 01:15:55,426 --> 01:15:58,042 Susan, it's all yours. 886 01:16:01,182 --> 01:16:03,468 Sabres! 887 01:16:03,559 --> 01:16:05,800 Sabres rule! 888 01:16:05,895 --> 01:16:08,307 Down with the lottery! 889 01:16:08,397 --> 01:16:12,811 Repent! The end is near! 890 01:16:24,038 --> 01:16:29,158 The lottery sucks! I only won 17 bucks! 891 01:16:31,420 --> 01:16:33,411 Channel 7 blows! 892 01:16:48,938 --> 01:16:51,771 God! 893 01:16:53,776 --> 01:16:55,732 God? 894 01:16:56,737 --> 01:16:58,944 Are you here? 895 01:17:01,617 --> 01:17:04,154 Hello? I need your help! 896 01:17:04,703 --> 01:17:07,490 Clap on! Clap on! 897 01:17:15,422 --> 01:17:17,663 Figures! 898 01:17:20,136 --> 01:17:23,173 Hello there, Bruce almighty. 899 01:17:26,350 --> 01:17:30,263 Not as easy as it looks, is it, son? This god business. 900 01:17:30,813 --> 01:17:32,895 They're all out of control. 901 01:17:33,691 --> 01:17:36,273 It's mayhem. I don't know what to do. 902 01:17:36,318 --> 01:17:39,151 You're right on time. Seven o'clock. 903 01:17:42,616 --> 01:17:44,948 The 7th at 7:00. 904 01:17:58,966 --> 01:18:01,002 All righty, then. 905 01:18:03,554 --> 01:18:06,762 - There we are. - It's good. 906 01:18:08,851 --> 01:18:10,682 It's a wonderful thing. 907 01:18:10,769 --> 01:18:15,559 No matter how filthy something gets, you can always clean it right up. 908 01:18:16,692 --> 01:18:19,809 There were so many. I gave them what they wanted. 909 01:18:22,489 --> 01:18:25,947 Since when does anyone have a clue about what they want? 910 01:18:28,787 --> 01:18:30,573 So what do I do? 911 01:18:34,043 --> 01:18:38,036 Parting your soup is not a miracle. It's a magic trick. 912 01:18:39,048 --> 01:18:41,710 A single mom working two jobs, 913 01:18:41,800 --> 01:18:45,839 who finds time to take her kid to soccer practice, that's a miracle. 914 01:18:46,263 --> 01:18:50,381 A teenager who says no to drugs and yes to an education, 915 01:18:50,476 --> 01:18:52,091 that's a miracle. 916 01:18:53,687 --> 01:18:59,353 People want me to do everything. They don't realise they have the power. 917 01:19:00,361 --> 01:19:03,103 You want to see a miracle, son? 918 01:19:03,239 --> 01:19:05,275 Be the miracle. 919 01:19:08,577 --> 01:19:10,738 Are you leaving? 920 01:19:11,372 --> 01:19:13,579 I figure you can handle things now. 921 01:19:14,083 --> 01:19:17,041 But what if I need you? What if I have questions? 922 01:19:17,086 --> 01:19:21,625 That's your problem. That's everybody's problem. 923 01:19:21,715 --> 01:19:24,047 You keep looking up. 924 01:19:27,596 --> 01:19:31,885 Order has been restored after this evening's downtown riot. 925 01:19:31,976 --> 01:19:36,891 Officials have suspended lottery sales pending an investigation. 926 01:19:36,981 --> 01:19:41,224 No injuries were reported, but there were dozens of arrests. 927 01:20:32,536 --> 01:20:34,652 - Thanks a million. - No problem. 928 01:20:34,705 --> 01:20:36,821 God bless. 929 01:20:41,337 --> 01:20:44,170 Bruce giveth, and Bruce... 930 01:20:44,214 --> 01:20:45,579 Taketh away. 931 01:20:45,674 --> 01:20:49,212 If you don't like it... mega-bite me. 932 01:21:02,232 --> 01:21:07,352 I suppose you're here to gloat about the anchor position. Go ahead. 933 01:21:07,446 --> 01:21:09,687 Actually, I... 934 01:21:10,783 --> 01:21:14,025 I came to tell you I've been a royal prick. 935 01:21:14,078 --> 01:21:17,821 The anchor position is yours. I turned down the job. 936 01:21:17,873 --> 01:21:20,455 I never really congratulated you. 937 01:21:22,044 --> 01:21:24,330 Congratulations. 938 01:21:26,340 --> 01:21:28,080 Thanks, Bruce. 939 01:21:28,175 --> 01:21:33,795 In the financial world, things are back to normal, after a fluke market fluctuation. 940 01:21:34,598 --> 01:21:39,638 - You made the right move. - You ready to go back out there? 941 01:21:40,562 --> 01:21:43,349 Do the cutesy stuff? The lighter side of the news? 942 01:21:43,399 --> 01:21:47,358 Lower and debase myself for the amusement of strangers? 943 01:21:47,403 --> 01:21:49,815 I could do that. Sounds like fun. 944 01:21:49,905 --> 01:21:51,520 Good. 945 01:21:53,075 --> 01:21:55,612 Let's do it like the other dogs. 946 01:21:55,702 --> 01:21:59,365 Not to make you feel bad, but they're laughing at you. 947 01:21:59,415 --> 01:22:01,747 Come on. Concentrate. 948 01:22:01,834 --> 01:22:04,075 Pump it out, if you have to. 949 01:22:04,128 --> 01:22:06,744 What am I going to do with you? 950 01:22:08,841 --> 01:22:11,753 I know this seems crazy, 951 01:22:11,844 --> 01:22:15,757 but desperate times call for desperate measures. 952 01:22:19,935 --> 01:22:21,800 Do your thing. 953 01:22:21,895 --> 01:22:25,012 That's it. Good boy! 954 01:22:27,192 --> 01:22:28,192 Training my dog. 955 01:22:48,922 --> 01:22:51,959 Yes! We did it! 956 01:22:54,636 --> 01:22:59,255 We're doing it doggy style! 957 01:22:59,308 --> 01:23:01,219 I'll alert penthouse forum. 958 01:23:01,310 --> 01:23:03,642 Hi, Deb. How are you? 959 01:23:04,897 --> 01:23:05,977 How's grace? 960 01:23:06,064 --> 01:23:08,931 I didn't come to chat. I came for grace's stuff. 961 01:23:15,073 --> 01:23:17,985 - You need a...? - That's ok. I've got it. 962 01:23:25,417 --> 01:23:30,127 I don't know if she... I don't know if she wants that or not. 963 01:23:33,675 --> 01:23:36,382 This is full. You did all this? 964 01:23:47,856 --> 01:23:50,222 Know what I do before I go to bed? 965 01:23:50,359 --> 01:23:54,193 I tuck my kids in, maybe have some ice cream and watch conan. 966 01:23:55,697 --> 01:23:58,063 Know what grace does? 967 01:23:59,201 --> 01:24:01,362 She prays. 968 01:24:02,454 --> 01:24:04,410 Most of the time for you. 969 01:24:26,228 --> 01:24:29,345 Find grace connelly. 970 01:24:32,568 --> 01:24:34,729 The woman does pray a lot. 971 01:24:36,488 --> 01:24:39,480 Find... grace and Bruce. 972 01:24:40,534 --> 01:24:45,198 "Dear god, help Bruce find himself, find contentment, find you." 973 01:24:45,247 --> 01:24:48,080 "Dear god, help Bruce. He's struggling.” 974 01:24:48,834 --> 01:24:52,827 "Dear god, give Bruce strength. Dear god, bless Bruce." 975 01:24:57,509 --> 01:24:59,625 It's her. 976 01:24:59,720 --> 01:25:03,554 Sammy, she's logging on. She's praying right now. 977 01:25:10,731 --> 01:25:12,596 Please, god. 978 01:25:14,192 --> 01:25:15,648 Please. 979 01:25:15,736 --> 01:25:17,727 I still love him. 980 01:25:20,032 --> 01:25:23,115 But I don't want to love him any more. 981 01:25:23,201 --> 01:25:27,945 I don't want to hurt any more. Please. Help me forget. 982 01:25:28,999 --> 01:25:31,536 Please help me let him go. 983 01:25:32,419 --> 01:25:34,876 Please help me let him go. 984 01:25:55,901 --> 01:25:58,017 You win! 985 01:25:58,779 --> 01:26:00,485 I'm d onel 986 01:26:00,530 --> 01:26:03,567 please! I don't want to do this any more! 987 01:26:05,494 --> 01:26:07,655 I don't want to be god. 988 01:26:08,163 --> 01:26:11,530 I want you to decide what's right for me! 989 01:26:11,625 --> 01:26:14,116 I surrender to your will! 990 01:26:44,866 --> 01:26:45,901 Aml...? 991 01:26:45,992 --> 01:26:50,326 You can't kneel down in the highway and live to talk about it. 992 01:26:50,372 --> 01:26:52,613 But why? 993 01:26:53,583 --> 01:26:55,539 Why now? 994 01:26:57,921 --> 01:27:00,037 You have the divine spark. 995 01:27:00,882 --> 01:27:05,091 You have the gift for bringing joy and laughter to the world. 996 01:27:06,054 --> 01:27:08,340 I know. I created you. 997 01:27:09,641 --> 01:27:14,351 - Quit bragging. - See? That's what I'm talking about. 998 01:27:14,396 --> 01:27:16,682 That's the spark. 999 01:27:21,278 --> 01:27:23,735 What do you want me to do? 1000 01:27:24,531 --> 01:27:26,487 I want you to pray, son. 1001 01:27:26,992 --> 01:27:30,234 Go ahead. Use them. 1002 01:27:35,959 --> 01:27:39,372 Lord, feed the hungry, 1003 01:27:39,421 --> 01:27:43,164 and bring peace to... 1004 01:27:44,176 --> 01:27:46,417 All of mankind. 1005 01:27:47,929 --> 01:27:50,511 - How's that? - Great. 1006 01:27:50,599 --> 01:27:53,591 If you want to be miss America. 1007 01:27:53,643 --> 01:27:57,227 Come on. What do you really care about? 1008 01:28:06,782 --> 01:28:09,114 You want her back? 1009 01:28:13,455 --> 01:28:15,741 No. 1010 01:28:16,416 --> 01:28:18,953 I want her to be happy. 1011 01:28:21,046 --> 01:28:22,877 No matter what that means. 1012 01:28:22,964 --> 01:28:25,501 I want her to find someone... 1013 01:28:26,051 --> 01:28:28,292 Who'll treat her... 1014 01:28:28,970 --> 01:28:33,464 With all the love she deserved from me. 1015 01:28:36,311 --> 01:28:38,723 I want her to meet someone... 1016 01:28:43,735 --> 01:28:46,101 Who'll see her always... 1017 01:28:47,155 --> 01:28:49,316 As I do now. 1018 01:28:53,662 --> 01:28:56,495 Through your eyes. 1019 01:28:56,581 --> 01:28:59,618 - Now that's a prayer. - Yeah? 1020 01:29:00,335 --> 01:29:01,791 Yeah. 1021 01:29:02,796 --> 01:29:05,538 - It's good. - It's good? 1022 01:29:05,632 --> 01:29:08,248 It's good! 1023 01:29:09,177 --> 01:29:11,634 I'm going to get right on it. 1024 01:29:12,264 --> 01:29:14,004 Clear! 1025 01:29:14,057 --> 01:29:16,093 - That didn't feel good. - Clear! 1026 01:29:17,853 --> 01:29:20,560 - Got a rhythm. - Got a pulse. 1027 01:29:20,647 --> 01:29:23,684 - Get him up. - Get the backboard and brace. 1028 01:29:34,244 --> 01:29:38,704 Welcome back. You're lucky to be alive. 1029 01:29:38,790 --> 01:29:41,122 Someone up there likes you. 1030 01:29:56,016 --> 01:29:58,883 I hear that stuff's in a warehouse somewhere. 1031 01:30:06,276 --> 01:30:08,562 Hi, baby. 1032 01:30:10,405 --> 01:30:13,112 My god, look at you. 1033 01:30:14,451 --> 01:30:17,409 - I was such an idiot. - It's ok. 1034 01:30:24,794 --> 01:30:27,581 I don't know what I would have done. 1035 01:30:30,008 --> 01:30:33,045 I wanted to be mad at you forever. 1036 01:30:45,023 --> 01:30:47,685 Now you're just showing off. 1037 01:30:58,536 --> 01:31:02,654 This is Bruce Nolan at buffalo's first "be the miracle" blood drive. 1038 01:31:02,749 --> 01:31:05,616 It's a b-e-a-utiful day. 1039 01:31:05,710 --> 01:31:09,123 So come on down, because the life you save could be mine. 1040 01:31:09,172 --> 01:31:14,383 The kowolskis have baked a special cookie just for this occasion. 1041 01:31:14,469 --> 01:31:17,632 It's creepy and a shameless plug, but we love them. 1042 01:31:17,681 --> 01:31:20,844 Thank you, mama. Vol, finger, nose! 1043 01:31:22,060 --> 01:31:24,392 I will have given blood twice this week. 1044 01:31:24,479 --> 01:31:26,811 For those of you who haven't heard, 1045 01:31:26,856 --> 01:31:30,690 I'd like to introduce you to the future mrs exclusive. 1046 01:31:30,777 --> 01:31:33,769 Grace connelly. There she is. 1047 01:31:33,822 --> 01:31:38,236 Look at her! Isn't she beautiful? 1048 01:31:38,326 --> 01:31:42,490 She just gave blood and she still has enough to fill up her face. 1049 01:31:42,539 --> 01:31:46,532 Behind every great man, there's a woman rolling her eyes. 1050 01:31:46,626 --> 01:31:51,211 I'm Bruce Nolan for eyewitness news reminding you to... 1051 01:31:51,297 --> 01:31:53,288 Be the miracle! 1052 01:31:55,176 --> 01:31:56,712 You heard them. 1053 01:31:56,803 --> 01:31:58,919 Cut. Thank you, Bruce. 1054 01:32:03,435 --> 01:32:06,893 - How was that? - That was really great. 1055 01:32:06,980 --> 01:32:09,437 Go over there. The nurse is waiting. 1056 01:32:09,524 --> 01:32:11,810 - Do I have to? - It won't hurt. 1057 01:32:11,860 --> 01:32:14,351 I think you'll find it pleasurable. 1058 01:33:33,483 --> 01:33:34,768 I'm sorry. 1059 01:33:34,859 --> 01:33:38,977 I have a rare blood type. I'm ab positive. 1060 01:33:39,697 --> 01:33:41,983 Sounds delicious. 1061 01:33:44,786 --> 01:33:47,744 There are storehouses all over the world, 1062 01:33:47,789 --> 01:33:51,953 with tons of stuff on ice, and... 1063 01:33:52,043 --> 01:33:54,375 - Sorry. - You're like this. 1064 01:33:56,381 --> 01:33:59,123 Positive, ib positive... sorry. 1065 01:33:59,175 --> 01:34:01,257 I have a rary... 1066 01:34:02,470 --> 01:34:04,882 She has a rary! 1067 01:34:04,973 --> 01:34:09,012 I have a very rare blood type. I'm ab negative. 1068 01:34:09,102 --> 01:34:11,684 - I'm ib positive. - Am I ab negative? 1069 01:34:11,771 --> 01:34:13,511 I don't know any more. 1070 01:34:14,065 --> 01:34:17,228 I need a frickin' miracle to get to work on time. 1071 01:34:35,003 --> 01:34:36,368 Shit! 1072 01:34:40,592 --> 01:34:41,923 That'll work. 1073 01:34:42,302 --> 01:34:46,636 Other stories in the... 1074 01:34:50,393 --> 01:34:55,478 The prime minister of Sweden visited Washington, and in other... 1075 01:34:58,860 --> 01:35:01,647 In other news... 1076 01:35:08,536 --> 01:35:11,699 I'm Bruce Nolan for eyewitness no... 1077 01:35:13,666 --> 01:35:15,406 Eyewitness nose. 1078 01:35:16,502 --> 01:35:18,868 And clear! 1079 01:35:18,963 --> 01:35:21,124 Be the miracle! 1080 01:35:21,216 --> 01:35:23,377 That's right!