1 00:01:49,318 --> 00:01:50,410 Shh. 2 00:03:55,485 --> 00:03:57,783 It's a beautiful summer day in Chicago today. 3 00:03:57,988 --> 00:04:00,491 Temperatures expected to reach the upper 80s. 4 00:04:00,699 --> 00:04:04,579 In recent news, a health advisory was reported from Happy Poultry Farms. 5 00:04:04,786 --> 00:04:07,255 They're telling us they're issuing a full recall 6 00:04:07,456 --> 00:04:11,461 for their pre-cooked chicken tenders and also their buffalo chicken tenders. 7 00:04:11,668 --> 00:04:14,387 This only applies to chicken that was packaged Friday 8 00:04:14,588 --> 00:04:17,387 and delivered to Fort Chicken and Danville. 9 00:04:17,591 --> 00:04:20,595 Morning, honey. - Ahem. 10 00:04:20,802 --> 00:04:22,896 Rise and shine. 11 00:04:23,096 --> 00:04:25,098 - Morning, Mum. - How's the book going? 12 00:04:25,307 --> 00:04:27,776 Good. Yeah, I've been working really hard on it. 13 00:04:27,976 --> 00:04:31,981 Rewriting it. It's a first draught, you know. Did you get a chance 14 00:04:32,189 --> 00:04:34,863 - to read the manuscript? - I did and I loved it. 15 00:04:35,066 --> 00:04:39,697 - Oh. Any thoughts? Criticisms? - No, I thought it was wonderful. 16 00:04:40,697 --> 00:04:44,668 I won't become a better writer if I don't get constructive criticism. Please. 17 00:04:44,868 --> 00:04:47,121 - I'm begging you. - Well, 18 00:04:47,329 --> 00:04:53,382 um, I did think the characters were a tiny bit unlikeable. 19 00:04:54,377 --> 00:04:57,631 - That's more like it. Noted. - And it was a little slow. 20 00:04:57,839 --> 00:05:00,433 I found myself a little bored, to be honest. 21 00:05:01,134 --> 00:05:04,354 - And I heart honesty. - I also didn't know what was going on 22 00:05:04,554 --> 00:05:06,898 or where we were. It wasn't explained well. 23 00:05:07,098 --> 00:05:10,068 I couldn't figure out the plot. It was kind of insulting. 24 00:05:10,268 --> 00:05:13,238 And there was no specificity in terms of time and place. 25 00:05:13,438 --> 00:05:17,193 - And where was the inciting incident? - OK, OK, this is... Wow. 26 00:05:17,984 --> 00:05:19,327 Thank you, heh. 27 00:05:20,529 --> 00:05:22,827 But mostly I loved it. 28 00:05:23,031 --> 00:05:27,002 Now, get up and teach those summer school kids how to write like you. 29 00:05:29,621 --> 00:05:34,548 Chapter one. The boat was evil, but he loved the boat. 30 00:05:35,961 --> 00:05:41,639 Chapter one. The boat was evil, but he didn't know just how evil. 31 00:05:41,842 --> 00:05:43,515 The boat was evil, 32 00:05:44,219 --> 00:05:47,393 but it was an acceptable level of evil. 33 00:05:47,597 --> 00:05:51,477 Chapter one. The sea-faring vessel, The Schooner, was evil. 34 00:05:56,898 --> 00:05:58,650 Ah. It's getting there. 35 00:06:02,529 --> 00:06:07,251 Jesus. I've come full circle. How very, very utterly depressing. 36 00:06:10,036 --> 00:06:12,459 What's up, amigo? Hey- 37 00:06:12,664 --> 00:06:15,042 - You're not my dealer. - No, I'm Clint-- 38 00:06:15,250 --> 00:06:19,005 - Hey, you don't sell shrooms do you? - No. I'm Clint Hadson. 39 00:06:19,212 --> 00:06:20,930 ls that Hudson? 40 00:06:22,173 --> 00:06:24,801 - Hadson. - Yeah, it's him. I'll let him in. 41 00:06:26,344 --> 00:06:30,019 - Oh. So that's a no on the shrooms? - Right. 42 00:06:46,698 --> 00:06:47,995 Excuse me. 43 00:06:48,199 --> 00:06:50,327 I'm having trouble... 44 00:07:07,636 --> 00:07:09,388 Don't you forget, you're grounded. 45 00:07:09,596 --> 00:07:11,769 When school's over you come straight home. 46 00:07:11,973 --> 00:07:14,317 - Fuck you, Mum. - Oh, yeah? Fuck you. 47 00:07:14,893 --> 00:07:18,147 - I'm just gonna miss you so much. - Can't I take it off? 48 00:07:18,355 --> 00:07:20,483 No. The playground is a war zone. 49 00:07:24,235 --> 00:07:26,363 - Watch it. - Sorry. Didn't see you there. 50 00:07:26,571 --> 00:07:29,950 Well, maybe you should take in your surroundings more. 51 00:07:30,450 --> 00:07:32,077 Yeah. 52 00:07:38,208 --> 00:07:39,926 - Mr Hudson. - Hadson. 53 00:07:40,126 --> 00:07:42,049 - Hi. Uh, call me Clint. - Righteous. 54 00:07:42,253 --> 00:07:44,221 Thanks for coming on such short notice. 55 00:07:44,422 --> 00:07:47,392 Mrs Kenner is down with the flu, or maybe she's pregnant. 56 00:07:47,592 --> 00:07:49,720 She is Mormon, so that's a possibility. 57 00:07:49,928 --> 00:07:53,057 I'm vice principal Simms. Principal Hodges is in the Bahamas. 58 00:07:53,264 --> 00:07:54,561 You know what they say. 59 00:07:54,766 --> 00:07:57,440 When the cat's away, the vice principal becomes acting principal. 60 00:07:57,644 --> 00:07:58,816 I forgot they say that. 61 00:07:59,020 --> 00:08:00,897 Teacher's lounge is across the way. 62 00:08:01,106 --> 00:08:04,076 Go get a cup of joe. It's not strong enough for my taste. 63 00:08:04,275 --> 00:08:08,121 To deal with these terrors I need the high-octane stuff. Isn't that right? 64 00:08:08,321 --> 00:08:10,574 Heh, she's hilarious. A lot of personal tragedy. 65 00:08:10,782 --> 00:08:14,412 Come on in to this office. Pull up a ball chair. 66 00:08:14,619 --> 00:08:16,667 Got a cell phone? 67 00:08:17,539 --> 00:08:18,836 Um, yeah. 68 00:08:19,040 --> 00:08:21,463 - I'm gonna have to take it. - Are you serious? 69 00:08:21,668 --> 00:08:25,423 Yep. This is a no cell-phone campus. We can't ask the kids to give up 70 00:08:25,630 --> 00:08:29,476 something we're not willing to. So hand over that crackberry. 71 00:08:30,927 --> 00:08:35,524 Booyah. Now, I gotta warn you, I run a pretty tight ship. 72 00:08:35,724 --> 00:08:37,897 Yeah, I'm fine with that. 73 00:08:38,101 --> 00:08:41,901 Heh, it's funny you should say that. I'm actually writing a book about a ship. 74 00:08:42,105 --> 00:08:44,403 Well, it's more of a boat. I have it with me. 75 00:08:44,607 --> 00:08:47,986 If you're asking me to describe my pedagogical "philosophy" 76 00:08:48,194 --> 00:08:50,663 - I'm not. - some charter schools out of Boston 77 00:08:50,864 --> 00:08:54,243 are "absolutely" "revolutionising" "education." 78 00:08:54,451 --> 00:08:56,579 I'm not sure you know how air quotes work. 79 00:08:56,786 --> 00:08:59,460 I wanna bring these kids back to a pre-digital era. 80 00:08:59,664 --> 00:09:03,840 No cell phones, and I don't care if it's raining labradoodles, 81 00:09:04,044 --> 00:09:06,513 I wanna get those kids outside during recess. 82 00:09:06,713 --> 00:09:09,557 Heck, I'll lock them out. And I will do that. 83 00:09:09,758 --> 00:09:13,558 Now, here's a map of the school. Mrs Kenner is in Room 12. 84 00:09:13,762 --> 00:09:18,359 Oh, I don't need that. I actually used to go here. Class of '88. 85 00:09:18,558 --> 00:09:22,779 Hey, you know what that is? That's out of sight. 86 00:09:22,979 --> 00:09:25,448 - All right. - Shouldn't joke about guns though. 87 00:09:25,648 --> 00:09:26,945 - No. - Not in a school. 88 00:09:27,150 --> 00:09:28,652 - Yeah. - That's not funny. 89 00:09:30,528 --> 00:09:33,532 My partner's name is David. He is awesome. 90 00:09:33,740 --> 00:09:37,870 He's a little bit older, but really has this amazing body. 91 00:09:38,078 --> 00:09:39,955 If I'm being completely honest, 92 00:09:40,163 --> 00:09:43,667 he does have these fantastic balls that I just love to play with. 93 00:09:43,875 --> 00:09:47,425 They're firmer and fuzzier, so... 94 00:09:48,963 --> 00:09:53,639 Heh, tennis partner. Heh, David's my tennis partner. Heh. 95 00:09:57,722 --> 00:10:00,726 Hi there. Um, you know which one of these is Mrs Kenner's? 96 00:10:00,934 --> 00:10:03,483 Buddy, I don't know what that bitch drinks out of. 97 00:10:03,686 --> 00:10:07,190 Here's what I do know. I know that this is a rape button. 98 00:10:07,398 --> 00:10:10,572 It emits a shit-crazy alarm that will inform local police, 99 00:10:10,777 --> 00:10:15,123 who'll arrive within two minutes should you decide to get touchy and/or feely. 100 00:10:15,323 --> 00:10:18,042 Wanna know why I have a rape button? Don't answer. 101 00:10:18,243 --> 00:10:21,747 Because the State of Illinois doesn't trust the citizenry enough 102 00:10:21,955 --> 00:10:25,084 to pass safe, sensible, conceal and carry laws. 103 00:10:25,291 --> 00:10:26,964 OK. 104 00:10:27,961 --> 00:10:29,304 So any of these then? 105 00:10:35,885 --> 00:10:38,684 Hm. She's a little tightly wound, huh? 106 00:10:54,195 --> 00:10:56,072 Oh, my God. 107 00:10:56,281 --> 00:10:58,955 Lucy? Lucy McCormick? 108 00:10:59,159 --> 00:11:01,253 - It's Clint Hadson. - Oh, my God. 109 00:11:01,452 --> 00:11:04,706 - Wow, what are you doing here? - I'm subbing for Mrs Kenner. 110 00:11:05,081 --> 00:11:07,504 Oh, my God. Amazing. 111 00:11:07,709 --> 00:11:09,427 I heard you lived in New York. 112 00:11:09,627 --> 00:11:11,675 Yeah, I did. In Brooklyn. 113 00:11:11,880 --> 00:11:15,054 But now I'm in town for a while. Staying at Charman's. 114 00:11:15,258 --> 00:11:17,260 Oh. 115 00:11:17,468 --> 00:11:19,937 - Who's Charman? - My mum. 116 00:11:22,140 --> 00:11:23,608 But it's the guesthouse, so it's... 117 00:11:24,893 --> 00:11:26,486 So you're a teacher now? 118 00:11:27,103 --> 00:11:29,401 No. Well, I mean yes. 119 00:11:29,606 --> 00:11:35,158 I subbed a little in New York, but I'm a writer. 120 00:11:35,361 --> 00:11:36,863 That's great. 121 00:11:38,781 --> 00:11:41,625 God, it's a scorcher out there, huh? 122 00:11:41,826 --> 00:11:43,373 Unseasonably warm. 123 00:11:45,079 --> 00:11:46,422 Yeah. 124 00:11:48,166 --> 00:11:51,010 Uh, Wade, have you met Clint? 125 00:11:52,003 --> 00:11:55,849 I have not. Wade Johnson. Pleased to meet you with meat to please you. 126 00:11:56,049 --> 00:12:00,771 Actually, we kind of met earlier. You parked me in. 127 00:12:01,763 --> 00:12:04,733 - What are you talking about? - Nothing. lt's-- It's fine. 128 00:12:04,933 --> 00:12:08,608 It's just that, um, you parked so close that I couldn't get out of my car. 129 00:12:08,811 --> 00:12:10,813 My truck's got a dual real wheel. 130 00:12:12,607 --> 00:12:15,907 - I'm sorry? - Dual real wheel. 131 00:12:16,110 --> 00:12:18,283 Dual real-- Dual real-- 132 00:12:18,488 --> 00:12:22,334 Dual real real. Dual real-- 133 00:12:23,576 --> 00:12:24,998 Dual real wheel. 134 00:12:26,871 --> 00:12:30,546 Dual real... Real real. 135 00:12:30,750 --> 00:12:35,051 It's got a dual real wheel. Dual real wheel. Dual real-- 136 00:12:36,214 --> 00:12:38,933 - Dual real. - I don't understand. 137 00:12:39,133 --> 00:12:43,309 It's got two extra wheels on the back part of it. 138 00:12:44,222 --> 00:12:45,815 Dual rear-- 139 00:12:46,015 --> 00:12:49,736 So, Clint, heard tell you were a writer, hmm? 140 00:12:49,936 --> 00:12:54,316 - What have you written? - Ah. Nothing that you've read, yet. 141 00:12:55,024 --> 00:12:56,992 I'm actually working on my first novel. 142 00:12:57,193 --> 00:12:59,116 - Really? - Yeah. 143 00:12:59,320 --> 00:13:01,414 Oh, yeah, well, that's actually why I'm home. 144 00:13:01,614 --> 00:13:05,994 You know, just to hunker down and bang out that story. 145 00:13:06,202 --> 00:13:09,001 But, uh, I need a few shekels. 146 00:13:10,790 --> 00:13:12,713 Shekels. 147 00:13:13,126 --> 00:13:14,594 - Hebrew for... - Doug. 148 00:13:14,794 --> 00:13:17,593 ...currency. Yeah. OK. 149 00:13:18,339 --> 00:13:20,967 - Wow. Good for you. That's so exciting. - Thanks. 150 00:13:21,175 --> 00:13:22,927 What's it about? 151 00:13:23,136 --> 00:13:25,264 Oh. Uh, well, it's a horror novel. 152 00:13:25,471 --> 00:13:27,894 Um, it's about a guy who buys a boat, 153 00:13:28,725 --> 00:13:31,945 but the boat turns out to be possessed. 154 00:13:33,104 --> 00:13:35,072 Like Christine. 155 00:13:36,232 --> 00:13:38,485 - I'm sorry? - Christine by Stephen King. 156 00:13:38,693 --> 00:13:41,162 The guy buys a car and it's possessed. 157 00:13:42,280 --> 00:13:46,535 - Um, but this is about a boat. - So it's like Speed 2? 158 00:13:48,411 --> 00:13:49,708 Starring...? 159 00:13:49,912 --> 00:13:53,132 Sandra Bullock, yes, of course, and... 160 00:13:54,667 --> 00:13:56,795 - Keanu Reeves? - Jason Patric. 161 00:13:57,003 --> 00:13:59,677 - I am the biggest Jason Patric fan. - Jason Patric, heh. 162 00:13:59,881 --> 00:14:03,181 - Lost Boys. Kiefer. - "They're not lost, they're vampires." 163 00:14:06,471 --> 00:14:07,973 - They got lost. - All right. Let's roll. 164 00:14:09,807 --> 00:14:14,233 Your classroom is actually right next to mine. I can walk you if you want. 165 00:14:14,437 --> 00:14:17,281 Um, yeah. That would be great. 166 00:14:23,071 --> 00:14:27,793 You are so fucking ugly. 167 00:14:28,326 --> 00:14:31,421 If my butthole had a butthole, that's what you'd look like. 168 00:14:31,621 --> 00:14:35,171 Yeah, you look like my butthole's ass. 169 00:14:35,375 --> 00:14:37,218 You look like you got chicken pox. 170 00:14:37,418 --> 00:14:39,671 If chicken pox was made out of haemorrhoids. 171 00:14:39,879 --> 00:14:42,974 Yeah, if chicken pox was made out of my ass. 172 00:14:43,174 --> 00:14:46,269 And here we are. Fourth grade, that's me, heh. 173 00:14:46,469 --> 00:14:50,349 And you're right up there. Good luck. Holler if you need anything. 174 00:14:50,556 --> 00:14:53,685 Or you can ask Wade. The athletic office is right down there. 175 00:14:53,893 --> 00:14:57,318 Yeah, what's with that guy? He seems like a bit of a dick. 176 00:14:57,522 --> 00:14:59,775 Heh. He's my boyfriend. 177 00:15:00,358 --> 00:15:02,656 Sorry, I'm late. I was helping a friend out. 178 00:15:02,985 --> 00:15:07,616 Eric, what is that? You just put that right down now. 179 00:15:14,664 --> 00:15:16,758 Hey, did somebody order a sub? 180 00:15:18,584 --> 00:15:20,382 Tough crowd, heh. 181 00:15:24,924 --> 00:15:26,642 My uncle's cancer 182 00:15:26,843 --> 00:15:28,516 took his stomach. 183 00:15:28,719 --> 00:15:31,347 But his divorce 184 00:15:32,348 --> 00:15:33,975 took his mind. 185 00:15:35,059 --> 00:15:36,857 Anyhoo... 186 00:15:37,395 --> 00:15:40,023 That was my weekend. Let's begin class. 187 00:15:40,231 --> 00:15:43,201 Maybe we were created by an all-knowing God 188 00:15:43,401 --> 00:15:46,280 who sent down his only son to die for us, 189 00:15:46,487 --> 00:15:49,366 or maybe we were monkey people who sat around 190 00:15:49,574 --> 00:15:52,794 crapping in each other's mouths until one day we were like: 191 00:15:52,994 --> 00:15:57,090 "I don't like all this hair. Just on my head and crotch, please." 192 00:15:57,707 --> 00:15:59,004 Who can say? 193 00:15:59,208 --> 00:16:04,430 I can't, because the State of Illinois doesn't allow me to, Hank. 194 00:16:06,174 --> 00:16:10,680 I know I'm the substitute, but I'm also a friend. 195 00:16:10,887 --> 00:16:14,141 It wasn't so long ago that I was sitting exactly where you are. 196 00:16:14,348 --> 00:16:16,567 In fact, don't tell those other teachers, 197 00:16:16,767 --> 00:16:19,145 but I want you to call me by my first name. 198 00:16:26,194 --> 00:16:28,196 - "Cunt"? - What? 199 00:16:28,404 --> 00:16:30,577 No. You can't say... 200 00:16:32,283 --> 00:16:34,251 OK, no. Uh, my name is Clint. 201 00:16:34,869 --> 00:16:38,999 You know what? Just call me Mr Hadson. 202 00:16:40,124 --> 00:16:44,721 I'm not really a teacher. I'm only substituting to pay the bills. 203 00:16:44,921 --> 00:16:48,892 I'm actually writing a horror novel. Pretty cool, huh? 204 00:16:49,091 --> 00:16:50,388 Yeah, real cool, asshole. 205 00:16:52,261 --> 00:16:54,104 - Excuse me? What's your name? - Patriot. 206 00:16:54,305 --> 00:16:56,273 - He got held back. - Shut up. 207 00:16:57,016 --> 00:16:58,359 Your name is Patriot? 208 00:16:59,101 --> 00:17:00,478 That's right. 209 00:17:00,686 --> 00:17:02,654 I was born on September 11th. 210 00:17:02,855 --> 00:17:05,233 God sent me on that day. 211 00:17:05,441 --> 00:17:07,739 That's why on my 18th birthday, 212 00:17:07,944 --> 00:17:11,198 I'm joining the Marines just to kick some towel-head ass. 213 00:17:12,490 --> 00:17:15,118 Wow. A lot to unpack there. 214 00:17:15,451 --> 00:17:18,125 First off, could you keep the language down, please? 215 00:17:18,329 --> 00:17:20,047 Otherwise, I'll send you outside. 216 00:17:20,248 --> 00:17:23,878 Yeah, while you were talking, I just looked at like a hundred vaginas. 217 00:17:24,085 --> 00:17:26,053 - All right. Give me that. - Why? 218 00:17:26,504 --> 00:17:29,303 You're not allowed to have it. Your principal told me. 219 00:17:29,507 --> 00:17:32,727 How about I start crying and suggest to my parents 220 00:17:32,927 --> 00:17:35,726 about how you touched me inappropriately? 221 00:17:38,933 --> 00:17:43,939 Wait. You didn't happen to write on a Prius this morning, did you? 222 00:17:47,024 --> 00:17:52,497 OK. So I actually have the first draught of my new novel with me. 223 00:17:52,989 --> 00:17:55,959 Who would like to come up here and read the first chapter? 224 00:17:56,158 --> 00:17:58,252 And then you guys can give me some notes. 225 00:17:58,452 --> 00:18:00,329 - Great. What's your name? - Ahem. Douche. 226 00:18:02,331 --> 00:18:04,629 - Calvin. - Calvin, come on down. 227 00:18:11,465 --> 00:18:13,263 Go ahead. 228 00:18:13,759 --> 00:18:17,730 "Chapter one. Trent always loved boats, but when he spent his life savings 229 00:18:17,930 --> 00:18:21,810 on the Anna Marie, he didn't know he'd just charted a course to evil. 230 00:18:22,018 --> 00:18:24,020 It was an easy money transaction..." 231 00:18:24,228 --> 00:18:25,980 You'd be good in a horror novel. 232 00:18:32,069 --> 00:18:33,662 Hey- 233 00:18:34,405 --> 00:18:36,123 You listening to me? 234 00:18:54,133 --> 00:18:56,227 All right. Everyone calm down. Stay here. 235 00:18:56,427 --> 00:18:59,681 I'm gonna take Patriot to the nurse. Come on. Come on. 236 00:19:00,097 --> 00:19:01,440 Don't be a baby. 237 00:19:02,183 --> 00:19:04,857 Come on, Patriot. Let me see. Come on. 238 00:19:08,397 --> 00:19:12,072 This is going to need stitches. There's nothing I can do about it here. 239 00:19:12,276 --> 00:19:15,371 - He's gonna have to go to the hospital. - That's OK. 240 00:19:15,571 --> 00:19:16,948 Patriot can handle it. 241 00:19:17,156 --> 00:19:18,999 Right, Patriot? You're a Marine. 242 00:19:43,849 --> 00:19:46,193 Beautiful, beautiful shrooms. 243 00:19:55,319 --> 00:19:58,994 So one of my students tried to eat another one's face off. 244 00:19:59,573 --> 00:20:02,543 How's your day going? I'm really sorry about this morning. 245 00:20:02,743 --> 00:20:05,542 - What happened? - Uh, I called your boyfriend a dick. 246 00:20:05,746 --> 00:20:08,716 I didn't know you guys were dating and now I feel awkward. 247 00:20:08,916 --> 00:20:11,044 No, in your classroom. What happened? 248 00:20:11,252 --> 00:20:14,131 Oh. This girl went ape-shit on this kid. She was biting him. 249 00:20:14,338 --> 00:20:17,592 - I sent him to the nurse. - Did you send her to the principal? 250 00:20:17,800 --> 00:20:21,020 You kidding? I wanted to give her a high-five. That kid's a dick. 251 00:20:45,703 --> 00:20:47,580 You bit my friend's face. 252 00:20:50,374 --> 00:20:52,752 What, are you sick or something? 253 00:20:53,711 --> 00:20:54,803 Hey, you bitch. 254 00:20:56,213 --> 00:20:58,011 I just wanted to say to them, like, 255 00:20:58,215 --> 00:21:01,014 "Guys, I'm a writer who moved here from New York City. 256 00:21:01,218 --> 00:21:03,721 "Like, I'm way cooler than your regular teacher." 257 00:21:03,929 --> 00:21:07,433 - This day could've been super fun. - Kids are always rough on subs. 258 00:21:07,641 --> 00:21:10,315 This is different from what we were like growing up. 259 00:21:10,519 --> 00:21:12,112 They're, like, not even kids. 260 00:21:24,909 --> 00:21:26,502 The fuck'? 261 00:21:28,287 --> 00:21:29,789 He can't be that funny. 262 00:22:45,197 --> 00:22:47,620 So single. Ooh-la-la. 263 00:22:49,159 --> 00:22:51,002 Yeah, I'm such a catch. 264 00:22:51,662 --> 00:22:55,383 You'll be beating off the women in Fort Chicken. 265 00:22:55,583 --> 00:22:57,585 Oh, yeah. Fort Chicken girls. 266 00:22:57,793 --> 00:22:59,295 Yeah, the hottest. 267 00:23:06,343 --> 00:23:08,391 What is happening here, kids? 268 00:23:15,853 --> 00:23:17,196 Goddamnit. 269 00:23:24,194 --> 00:23:25,616 What is wrong with me? 270 00:23:30,326 --> 00:23:33,296 Oh, no, you didn't. 271 00:23:34,246 --> 00:23:36,669 Vice Principal Simms? 272 00:23:37,958 --> 00:23:39,631 Yeah, you're go for Simms. 273 00:23:39,835 --> 00:23:41,212 I'm under some 274 00:23:41,420 --> 00:23:43,514 medication for a medical condition 275 00:23:43,714 --> 00:23:47,514 so I may not be seeing things correctly. 276 00:23:47,718 --> 00:23:53,316 But I'm pretty sure I might be seeing some of your students 277 00:23:53,515 --> 00:23:57,395 possibly eating Mr Peterson. 278 00:24:00,314 --> 00:24:02,316 Again, it could be the medication. 279 00:24:09,073 --> 00:24:12,498 OK. All right. Show's over. 280 00:24:12,701 --> 00:24:17,878 Hey, I may be acting principal, but you all are acting crazy. 281 00:24:18,082 --> 00:24:19,584 Hey, don't-- Don't-- 282 00:24:21,085 --> 00:24:22,962 I have bursitis. I have bursitis in my elbow. 283 00:24:23,170 --> 00:24:25,719 Who--? Who is your homeroom? 284 00:24:54,535 --> 00:24:56,208 Get-- Get out of there. 285 00:24:57,955 --> 00:25:00,708 - It's so good to see you. - It's good to see you too. 286 00:25:00,916 --> 00:25:02,259 Oh, look. Carnage. 287 00:25:08,549 --> 00:25:11,849 - Somebody call the police. - Wait. Oh, hey, my button. 288 00:25:14,680 --> 00:25:19,026 Come on, Johnson. What the fuck is happening? 289 00:25:23,897 --> 00:25:27,276 What the fuck is happening? 290 00:25:30,029 --> 00:25:32,748 Wait, there's Wade. Wade. 291 00:25:34,783 --> 00:25:36,706 Oh, God. 292 00:25:40,914 --> 00:25:42,791 All right, listen up. 293 00:25:44,168 --> 00:25:45,761 I'd back off if I was you. 294 00:25:45,961 --> 00:25:49,340 I was an all-state football champion, y'all are a bunch of kids. 295 00:25:50,049 --> 00:25:54,350 Look, we've all wanted to do that to Vice Principal Simms, OK? 296 00:25:54,553 --> 00:25:56,271 I know I have. 297 00:25:57,056 --> 00:25:58,433 But a-- 298 00:25:58,640 --> 00:26:01,143 A line has been crossed. 299 00:26:04,188 --> 00:26:07,158 You can't eat the teachers, man. 300 00:26:09,234 --> 00:26:11,487 Calm down right now. 301 00:26:22,956 --> 00:26:24,549 Come on, Johnson. 302 00:26:24,750 --> 00:26:26,423 Run, Johnson. 303 00:26:35,260 --> 00:26:36,978 They attacked the vice principal. 304 00:26:37,179 --> 00:26:39,022 Ma 'am, you need to calm down. 305 00:26:39,223 --> 00:26:41,692 Then they started chas-- Hello? Hello? 306 00:26:52,986 --> 00:26:55,114 The phones are dead. 307 00:26:56,824 --> 00:26:58,918 Those kids are fast. 308 00:26:59,118 --> 00:27:02,292 I was twice voted running back of the year, 309 00:27:02,496 --> 00:27:06,171 Cary County, and should've went a third year, 310 00:27:07,459 --> 00:27:08,802 but it was political-- 311 00:27:09,002 --> 00:27:12,176 - What the fuck are you trying to say? - Do not go out there. Those kids-- 312 00:27:15,092 --> 00:27:17,561 - Oh, God. - Oh, no, no, no. It's Angela. 313 00:27:17,761 --> 00:27:20,310 Hi, Angela. It's me, Mr Lacey. 314 00:27:24,101 --> 00:27:26,854 Oh, there's Dave. Dave's coming. 315 00:27:28,689 --> 00:27:30,362 See, everything's gonna be fine. 316 00:27:30,858 --> 00:27:32,326 Shit, man. Five-O. 317 00:27:39,199 --> 00:27:42,328 Fuck it. I ain't going down. 318 00:27:42,536 --> 00:27:44,664 All right, kids. Settle down. 319 00:27:44,872 --> 00:27:46,795 You little guys need to tell me what's going on. 320 00:27:50,169 --> 00:27:53,548 You all eat cherry pie for lunch or something? What's going on? 321 00:27:55,382 --> 00:27:59,262 I'm here to help. Think of me just like Batman. I'm a helper. 322 00:28:08,228 --> 00:28:09,775 What the fuck?! 323 00:28:27,581 --> 00:28:31,176 - Fuck this. I gotta do something. - No. You can't go back out there. 324 00:28:31,376 --> 00:28:33,720 - No. Let me alone. - Wade? 325 00:28:37,507 --> 00:28:39,635 Oh, my God. 326 00:28:39,843 --> 00:28:41,311 Oh, God. 327 00:28:44,598 --> 00:28:45,941 What the fuck, freak? 328 00:28:48,727 --> 00:28:50,980 - He's gonna bite your face. - I can see that. 329 00:28:51,188 --> 00:28:54,738 He'll tear your goddamn face off. You'll look like that chimp woman. 330 00:28:56,401 --> 00:28:58,244 You're achieving nothing. 331 00:28:59,404 --> 00:29:02,624 - Help me! - Let me burn his face! 332 00:29:10,666 --> 00:29:12,259 Who is that lady? 333 00:29:14,711 --> 00:29:16,964 - Anybody have a key? - Probably not. 334 00:29:19,466 --> 00:29:21,810 - Let's go. - Wait, wait, wait. 335 00:29:22,010 --> 00:29:25,310 - We can't just leave her there. - Come on. 336 00:29:27,808 --> 00:29:29,902 Move. Move. 337 00:29:30,602 --> 00:29:32,275 Come on. 338 00:29:32,521 --> 00:29:35,650 Come on, we gotta get out of here. Follow me. I do CrossFit. 339 00:29:35,857 --> 00:29:37,905 - No, don't do it. - You sons of bitches. 340 00:29:39,403 --> 00:29:41,371 Fuck. 341 00:29:41,780 --> 00:29:43,498 - Go, go, go. - Wade, what--? 342 00:29:47,119 --> 00:29:48,917 In here. 343 00:29:51,415 --> 00:29:55,215 - Kill him! I hate it! Kill him! - No. Wait. He's not like the others. 344 00:29:55,419 --> 00:29:58,639 And I'm not saying that because you're the only black student. 345 00:29:58,839 --> 00:30:00,637 - Differences make life beautiful. - What's going on? 346 00:30:00,841 --> 00:30:04,687 - Kill him! - No, wait. Tracy's right. 347 00:30:04,886 --> 00:30:08,857 Calvin, are you OK? You don't have a thirst for blood or anything? 348 00:30:09,057 --> 00:30:11,276 Why would I? I'm studying for my test. 349 00:30:11,476 --> 00:30:13,899 - Great. How's it going? - OK, fuck the test. 350 00:30:14,104 --> 00:30:17,153 - We gotta seek out higher ground. - OK. Come on, Calvin. 351 00:30:17,357 --> 00:30:19,200 You come with us. 352 00:30:29,870 --> 00:30:31,463 We're clear. In here, come on. 353 00:30:31,663 --> 00:30:33,916 - Come on. - Close the door. Close the door. 354 00:30:34,124 --> 00:30:35,467 - Close the door. - Get it. 355 00:30:35,667 --> 00:30:38,341 - Hey, hey. ls everyone OK? - I think so. Yes. 356 00:30:38,545 --> 00:30:41,139 - Are you OK? - Can we please take a moment--? 357 00:30:41,340 --> 00:30:43,263 Get in here. Come on. Come on. 358 00:30:43,467 --> 00:30:45,265 She has blisters. 359 00:30:46,136 --> 00:30:49,731 We're safe. The door is locked. They can't get through these windows. 360 00:30:49,931 --> 00:30:51,524 The phone's out in here too. 361 00:30:51,725 --> 00:30:55,025 Can somebody explain to me what is going on? What is going on?! 362 00:30:55,228 --> 00:30:56,571 I blame rap music. 363 00:30:56,772 --> 00:30:59,776 I hated my teachers in school. But I never tried to kill them. 364 00:30:59,983 --> 00:31:02,202 - They got cooties. - What? 365 00:31:03,945 --> 00:31:07,950 That's what they're always saying that girl Shelly has. Cooties. She's dirty. 366 00:31:08,617 --> 00:31:11,587 - Calvin, that's not very nice. - No, he's right. 367 00:31:13,080 --> 00:31:16,004 In a-- In a way. lf you'll follow me, you'll see... 368 00:31:16,208 --> 00:31:18,381 - You're not hurt, are you? - No, I'm good. 369 00:31:18,585 --> 00:31:21,885 ...she has the raised blisters of a vi-- 370 00:31:22,881 --> 00:31:24,224 A virus. 371 00:31:24,424 --> 00:31:27,177 I'm OK. We're safe here, right? 372 00:31:27,386 --> 00:31:30,390 Everybody feels OK? And we're all safe. 373 00:31:30,597 --> 00:31:33,601 It's pretty interesting actually. 374 00:31:35,268 --> 00:31:37,771 I knew we'd work it all out, heh. 375 00:31:48,031 --> 00:31:49,999 I would love to get inside your head. 376 00:31:50,200 --> 00:31:51,622 Oh. 377 00:31:52,327 --> 00:31:55,126 She's gone to commit murder somewhere else. 378 00:31:57,999 --> 00:31:59,797 All right, ladies, here's the plan. 379 00:32:00,001 --> 00:32:02,504 We get down on that ledge, jump to the ground, 380 00:32:02,712 --> 00:32:06,182 hightail it like linebackers to our cars, boom. 381 00:32:06,383 --> 00:32:08,181 I thought you tried to outrun them. 382 00:32:08,385 --> 00:32:11,855 - You said they were too fast for you. - Yeah, but that was before 383 00:32:12,055 --> 00:32:13,557 I had a weapon. 384 00:32:15,225 --> 00:32:17,102 A violin? 385 00:32:17,978 --> 00:32:21,232 Not just a violin. It's an instrument of death. 386 00:32:22,149 --> 00:32:24,197 I propose we create a symphony of death. 387 00:32:24,401 --> 00:32:27,575 Everyone grab an instrument. Here. You take this. 388 00:32:27,779 --> 00:32:31,124 - Oh, yeah, that'll be real effective. - I'm offering leadership. 389 00:32:31,324 --> 00:32:34,999 What are you offering, besides throwing hot pots of coffee at people, 390 00:32:35,203 --> 00:32:39,299 or a stupid book no one wants to read about a guy who wants to fuck a boat? 391 00:32:39,499 --> 00:32:41,843 It's not about a guy who wants to fuck a boat. 392 00:32:42,043 --> 00:32:45,593 - It's about obsession and possession-- - He wants to fuck the boat. 393 00:32:45,797 --> 00:32:47,720 - Listen-- - Listen, Stevie King-- 394 00:32:47,924 --> 00:32:51,303 There's an invention called a cell phone that your school confiscated. 395 00:32:51,511 --> 00:32:54,185 We need to get to the office, grab our phones 396 00:32:54,389 --> 00:32:57,268 and call someone who can help quarantine these kids. 397 00:32:57,476 --> 00:32:59,945 We're in a lockdown in case you haven't noticed. 398 00:33:00,145 --> 00:33:03,945 We have been breached. There are little cootie kids out in the hallway 399 00:33:04,149 --> 00:33:07,369 who will fucking rip your face off with their little teeth. 400 00:33:07,569 --> 00:33:10,322 - Well, shit-- - Their big teeth haven't come in yet. 401 00:33:16,745 --> 00:33:18,839 You carry on with your symphony of death. 402 00:33:19,039 --> 00:33:21,758 I'll sneak around the school where there aren't kids. 403 00:33:21,958 --> 00:33:25,212 Oh, you sneak around, huh? Sneak around like a little hobbit. 404 00:33:25,420 --> 00:33:27,923 I'm taking the fight to them like a fucking orc. 405 00:33:28,131 --> 00:33:30,225 That's the difference between you and me. 406 00:33:30,425 --> 00:33:33,474 I don't wanna scurry. I don't scurry like a common squirrel. 407 00:33:33,678 --> 00:33:36,932 Both of you be quiet! The only way we're gonna get anywhere 408 00:33:37,140 --> 00:33:41,361 is if we turn our frowns upside down and try to get along. OK? 409 00:33:41,561 --> 00:33:44,485 You know how I beat the terrorists after 9/11? 410 00:33:44,689 --> 00:33:47,693 - With a positive attitude. - It's true. She did. 411 00:33:49,736 --> 00:33:53,536 I don't think going back for our cell phones is necessarily a great idea. 412 00:33:53,740 --> 00:33:57,586 Even though it's wonderful that you're trying. We welcome all suggestions. 413 00:33:57,786 --> 00:34:00,335 - Wait, I just thought of something. - What is it? 414 00:34:00,539 --> 00:34:04,169 Um, it's just an idea for Keel Them All. The hero's trapped on the boat 415 00:34:04,376 --> 00:34:08,426 and my mum doesn't understand why he wouldn't just call for help. I got it. 416 00:34:08,630 --> 00:34:10,632 He left his phone on the dock. 417 00:34:10,840 --> 00:34:12,968 What are you talking about? 418 00:34:13,176 --> 00:34:15,178 Oh, sorry. My book. 419 00:34:15,720 --> 00:34:17,142 Are you fucking kidding me? 420 00:34:17,931 --> 00:34:20,901 - Unbelievable. - Your book is called Keel Them All? 421 00:34:21,101 --> 00:34:24,605 OK, can we convene the book club a little later on, please? 422 00:34:24,813 --> 00:34:29,990 Wade, I think maybe your idea is maybe an unwise idea also. 423 00:34:30,193 --> 00:34:33,072 - Seriously, Lucy? - I'm sorry. 424 00:34:33,738 --> 00:34:35,331 So, what do you propose? 425 00:34:35,532 --> 00:34:38,536 That we wait here until 3.00. 426 00:34:40,704 --> 00:34:44,379 Um, OK, what happens at 3.00? 427 00:34:44,583 --> 00:34:47,302 At 3.00 the parents will come to pick up their kids. 428 00:34:47,502 --> 00:34:49,755 We get on the roof and signal them for help. 429 00:34:49,963 --> 00:34:53,558 - I like that idea. It's a good one. - Better than your fucking idea. 430 00:34:53,758 --> 00:34:57,137 - Anything's better than your idea. - Oh. 431 00:34:57,679 --> 00:34:59,477 Clint, are you OK? That sounds-- 432 00:34:59,681 --> 00:35:01,854 Yeah, no. I'm fine. I'm fine. 433 00:35:02,058 --> 00:35:03,435 What happened to your arm? 434 00:35:03,893 --> 00:35:06,066 - Oh, it's nothing-- - Ah. 435 00:35:06,271 --> 00:35:09,241 - Oh, shit. - What? It's just a scratch. 436 00:35:09,441 --> 00:35:11,569 - He's infected. - It's nothing. I'm fine. 437 00:35:11,776 --> 00:35:14,700 You got cooties, motherfucker. Time for a quarantine. 438 00:35:14,904 --> 00:35:17,498 - No. I'm feeling fine. - You're coming with me. 439 00:35:17,699 --> 00:35:20,043 - Stop resisting. Don't resist. - I feel fine. 440 00:35:20,243 --> 00:35:23,497 - Quarantine. - Wade. Wade. 441 00:35:25,040 --> 00:35:27,384 Let me out, asshole. 442 00:35:28,501 --> 00:35:30,629 Nobody else go in there. 443 00:35:35,050 --> 00:35:37,098 I'm going in. 444 00:35:37,302 --> 00:35:39,521 Doug, don't-- I don't care. 445 00:35:55,111 --> 00:35:57,113 We have some breaking news developing 446 00:35:57,322 --> 00:36:00,451 in the suburb of Fort Chicken this morning... 447 00:36:00,659 --> 00:36:03,082 - What if he--? - Excuse me. Listen up, please. 448 00:36:03,286 --> 00:36:05,163 Could everybody please listen up? 449 00:36:09,209 --> 00:36:12,258 Guys, don't make me ask again. Quiet. Quiet, please. 450 00:36:14,214 --> 00:36:16,512 - Please, be quiet. - None of us are talking. 451 00:36:16,716 --> 00:36:18,514 Rebekka. 452 00:36:18,718 --> 00:36:20,061 Quiet, please. 453 00:36:21,721 --> 00:36:24,770 Thank you. It is my opinion 454 00:36:24,974 --> 00:36:27,602 - that Clint has been infected with... - I knew it. 455 00:36:27,811 --> 00:36:30,610 - ...whatever those kids have out there. - Oh, my God. 456 00:36:30,814 --> 00:36:33,317 It doesn't seem to be affecting him the same way. 457 00:36:33,525 --> 00:36:36,654 He's only exhibiting mild stomach-flu symptoms. 458 00:36:36,861 --> 00:36:43,415 Nausea, cramps, a little diarrhoea, vomiting, mild anal leakage. 459 00:36:43,618 --> 00:36:48,715 But it is my hypothesis that we are safe from him for now. 460 00:36:48,915 --> 00:36:52,590 He will not attempt to murder us or tear us limb from limb. 461 00:36:52,794 --> 00:36:55,297 - He just has the flu. - Hold on a second. 462 00:36:55,505 --> 00:36:57,974 How do you...? How do you know all this? 463 00:36:58,383 --> 00:37:01,102 Well, Rebekka, I just examined his fluids 464 00:37:01,302 --> 00:37:05,478 with two of histories oldest scientific instruments. My hands. 465 00:37:06,558 --> 00:37:07,855 Doug. 466 00:37:08,059 --> 00:37:11,108 - Heh, don't worry. I'm wearing gloves. - Oh, no, you're not. 467 00:37:11,312 --> 00:37:13,235 - No. - No, you're not. 468 00:37:14,899 --> 00:37:16,697 - Damn it, Doug. - Keep it together. 469 00:37:16,901 --> 00:37:18,744 I see. 470 00:37:19,237 --> 00:37:20,989 OK, OK, it doesn't matter. 471 00:37:21,197 --> 00:37:23,370 Listen, the sub stays locked in the closet. 472 00:37:23,575 --> 00:37:27,125 He gets a clean bill of health at 3.00, then we'll talk. 473 00:38:26,638 --> 00:38:28,390 Go time. 474 00:38:29,265 --> 00:38:32,109 - Keep your distance, Grisham. - There's vomit there. 475 00:38:32,310 --> 00:38:34,654 - Sorry. Watch your step. - Are you all right? 476 00:38:34,854 --> 00:38:36,777 - How you feeling? Come on. - Um, better. 477 00:38:36,981 --> 00:38:39,575 - OK. That's yours. - Oh, thank you. 478 00:38:39,776 --> 00:38:41,449 Wait. Oh, I know that car. 479 00:38:41,653 --> 00:38:43,655 That's the PTA president, Racer Dopkins' mum. 480 00:38:43,863 --> 00:38:45,786 She gets here early to open the gates. 481 00:38:45,990 --> 00:38:47,742 - Hey, hey, over here! - Hey! 482 00:38:47,951 --> 00:38:49,248 - Hey! - Hey! 483 00:38:49,452 --> 00:38:50,874 Hey! 484 00:38:51,079 --> 00:38:53,673 - Call for help! - Use the phone! 485 00:38:55,834 --> 00:38:58,929 This could fall apart. I'm just thinking about the children. 486 00:38:59,128 --> 00:39:00,630 - Hey! - 911! 487 00:39:00,839 --> 00:39:02,933 Those little bastards are gonna kill her. 488 00:39:03,132 --> 00:39:05,305 - She's gonna be fine. - Wait, there he is. 489 00:39:05,510 --> 00:39:07,228 - No, no. - Don't open the door. 490 00:39:07,428 --> 00:39:11,604 - She doesn't even see him. - Don't let him in! Don't let him in! 491 00:39:13,852 --> 00:39:16,071 Who's Mummy's angel? Who's Mummy's angel? 492 00:39:16,271 --> 00:39:18,490 Yes, you are. Yes, you are. 493 00:39:18,690 --> 00:39:20,408 - Get out of the car! - No! 494 00:39:20,608 --> 00:39:23,532 - You tell Simms that $300 won't cut it. - Mrs Dobkins! 495 00:39:23,736 --> 00:39:25,409 Mrs Dobkins, don't do it! 496 00:39:25,613 --> 00:39:27,536 God, Steve. Don't even give me that. 497 00:39:27,740 --> 00:39:29,868 I know what's going on in the school 24/7. 498 00:39:30,076 --> 00:39:31,293 Come on, Racer. Let's go. 499 00:39:32,954 --> 00:39:34,046 You wanna go to soccer practise or not, honey puckle? 500 00:39:35,623 --> 00:39:39,378 I'm not gonna be the one holding the book at the book ride again this year. 501 00:39:39,586 --> 00:39:41,463 No. You... 502 00:39:43,006 --> 00:39:46,476 Racer, what the hell are you doing to your brother back there now? 503 00:39:52,724 --> 00:39:55,728 - They go right for the face. - I told you. 504 00:39:55,935 --> 00:39:58,779 We have to warn the others. They'll be here any second. 505 00:39:58,980 --> 00:40:00,527 They'll massacre the other parents. 506 00:40:01,983 --> 00:40:03,030 - Oh, my God. - Oh, my God. 507 00:40:03,318 --> 00:40:04,615 - Oh, my God! - Help me. 508 00:40:04,819 --> 00:40:07,038 - She's not one of them. - How do you know? 509 00:40:07,238 --> 00:40:09,991 Look at her face. It's not covered in pox. 510 00:40:10,867 --> 00:40:12,915 - Help her. - Oh, God. They're coming. 511 00:40:13,119 --> 00:40:14,541 They're coming. 512 00:40:15,246 --> 00:40:16,418 They're coming. 513 00:40:16,623 --> 00:40:19,672 They're getting up on the roof. They're in the tree. 514 00:40:20,877 --> 00:40:22,720 Move! 515 00:40:23,212 --> 00:40:25,260 - Come on! - Go, go, go! 516 00:40:25,465 --> 00:40:27,638 - Where do we go? - Go, go, go. 517 00:40:27,842 --> 00:40:29,640 To the auditorium. 518 00:40:29,844 --> 00:40:32,723 Don't give up. Let's go. 519 00:40:36,309 --> 00:40:38,357 Move, move, move. 520 00:40:42,523 --> 00:40:45,527 Help! Get it off me! Get it off! 521 00:41:31,364 --> 00:41:33,332 Wade, I-- 522 00:41:43,918 --> 00:41:46,797 Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. 523 00:41:47,255 --> 00:41:51,135 Tammy, why don't you and Calvin come on over here with me? 524 00:41:51,342 --> 00:41:54,437 - That guy always cheated off me. - Calvin. 525 00:41:54,637 --> 00:41:57,311 I'll make sure all the doors are secure. 526 00:42:05,857 --> 00:42:08,781 Why--? Why is his blood black? 527 00:42:09,736 --> 00:42:11,659 I don't know. 528 00:42:12,405 --> 00:42:13,998 That's what I wanna find out. 529 00:42:14,991 --> 00:42:16,789 I think I'm gonna dissect him. 530 00:42:18,369 --> 00:42:21,964 Hey, look at us. We're fine. We're fine. 531 00:42:22,165 --> 00:42:25,795 You know, we're still us, because-- You know why? 532 00:42:26,002 --> 00:42:29,723 Because none of us got bitten or scratched. 533 00:42:30,339 --> 00:42:32,262 I did. 534 00:42:34,469 --> 00:42:35,641 Oh. 535 00:42:38,639 --> 00:42:42,314 It's fine. We'll go to the washroom and wash it out with soap 536 00:42:42,518 --> 00:42:45,271 so it won't get infected, OK? What do you say? 537 00:42:53,488 --> 00:42:55,661 Oh, God. I can't believe you're doing this. 538 00:42:55,865 --> 00:42:59,290 I can't believe boys pee in those. I mean, that's disgusting. 539 00:42:59,494 --> 00:43:00,791 That's disgusting? 540 00:43:00,995 --> 00:43:04,716 It's not disgusting to have boys staring at each other's penises? 541 00:43:04,916 --> 00:43:08,762 What's wrong with that? OK, we got bigger things to worry about. 542 00:43:08,961 --> 00:43:10,713 Well, this is interesting. 543 00:43:10,922 --> 00:43:12,924 - Oh, my God. - Oh, God. 544 00:43:13,132 --> 00:43:15,510 - Oh, God. - I'm gonna extract the brain. 545 00:43:15,718 --> 00:43:18,642 - Oh, that's just rude. - Damn it. 546 00:43:20,848 --> 00:43:23,647 The preliminary reports have been confirmed. 547 00:43:23,851 --> 00:43:27,196 Children are for some reason violently attacking their parents 548 00:43:27,396 --> 00:43:29,398 in front of Fort Chicken Elementary. 549 00:43:29,607 --> 00:43:31,780 We have reports of victims around the city. 550 00:43:31,984 --> 00:43:34,112 Authorities have no idea what is going on. 551 00:43:34,320 --> 00:43:36,118 Stay inside, stay in your cars, do not go out-- 552 00:43:40,827 --> 00:43:44,422 NONE) Dude, this is totally tripping me out. 553 00:43:48,793 --> 00:43:51,216 Are you on shrooms too? 554 00:43:56,134 --> 00:43:57,807 Hey- 555 00:44:02,098 --> 00:44:06,023 - Can I get you anything? - I'd really rather be left alone, Lucy. 556 00:44:07,979 --> 00:44:10,323 Wade, can we please talk? 557 00:44:10,523 --> 00:44:12,400 I don't wanna talk. 558 00:44:12,608 --> 00:44:14,451 I know you don't, but I do. 559 00:44:15,403 --> 00:44:18,202 Why don't you talk to your boyfriend about it? 560 00:44:19,198 --> 00:44:21,917 Clint and I went to school together. 561 00:44:22,118 --> 00:44:24,416 I haven't seen him in 15 years. 562 00:44:24,620 --> 00:44:25,997 I walked in this morning, 563 00:44:26,205 --> 00:44:29,505 the guy was fucking hitting on you and you were eating it up. 564 00:44:29,709 --> 00:44:31,757 - Are you kidding me? - No, I'm not. 565 00:44:31,961 --> 00:44:33,634 You can't even deny it. Deny it. 566 00:44:34,589 --> 00:44:36,967 Clint and I were just talking. 567 00:44:37,383 --> 00:44:40,307 And I'm sorry if I hurt your feelings. I didn't mean to. 568 00:44:40,511 --> 00:44:43,481 - Oh. - Look, I'm sorry. 569 00:44:43,681 --> 00:44:47,026 I know neither of us thought this was how the day was gonna go 570 00:44:47,226 --> 00:44:49,729 - when we woke up this morning. - No, we didn't. 571 00:44:49,937 --> 00:44:52,656 I thought today was gonna go way different than this. 572 00:44:52,857 --> 00:44:56,361 You have no idea. I bought you a ring yesterday, Lucy. 573 00:44:58,654 --> 00:45:04,332 Then I walk in and I see you laughing and smiling at that little asshole. 574 00:45:05,119 --> 00:45:07,121 And you know what I thought? 575 00:45:08,080 --> 00:45:12,711 I thought, "Wow, she looks so pretty when she smiles. 576 00:45:14,337 --> 00:45:17,716 "How come she never smiles at me like that?" 577 00:45:20,885 --> 00:45:23,263 I'll talk to you later, Lucy. 578 00:45:27,391 --> 00:45:30,190 And go fuck yourself. 579 00:45:37,693 --> 00:45:39,661 Prognosis is not good. 580 00:45:42,198 --> 00:45:46,749 As you can see, most of the grey and white matter has been-- 581 00:45:46,994 --> 00:45:48,462 Rebekka, quiet please. 582 00:45:50,289 --> 00:45:53,589 Most of the grey and white matter has been severely infected. 583 00:45:53,793 --> 00:45:57,093 It's showing the beginning stages of necrosis and decomposition. 584 00:45:57,296 --> 00:45:59,845 All these black areas are basically dead. 585 00:46:00,049 --> 00:46:03,474 I mean, they can run, jump, eat, but they're not human anymore. 586 00:46:03,678 --> 00:46:07,399 - Not really. - Once again, how do you know all this? 587 00:46:07,598 --> 00:46:12,024 I learned all about the brain when I had a 6" spike lodged in my skull as a child. 588 00:46:12,228 --> 00:46:14,572 Which is the reason why, you may have noticed, 589 00:46:14,772 --> 00:46:16,445 sometimes I use the wrong rowboat. 590 00:46:16,649 --> 00:46:19,448 - Word. - Word. 591 00:46:19,986 --> 00:46:23,581 Now, bacteria can't cross the blood brain barrier. 592 00:46:23,990 --> 00:46:27,585 So I'm thinking this is more likely a virus. 593 00:46:28,828 --> 00:46:30,830 What kind of virus would do that? 594 00:46:31,455 --> 00:46:32,752 A pretty nasty one. 595 00:46:32,957 --> 00:46:35,551 Calvin said Shelly Lanker was the first to bite. 596 00:46:35,751 --> 00:46:37,048 - Right? - Yeah. 597 00:46:37,253 --> 00:46:40,132 What about Clint and Tamra? All it did was make them sick. 598 00:46:40,339 --> 00:46:42,137 I have a theory about this. 599 00:46:42,341 --> 00:46:44,514 Hold on a moment. 600 00:46:46,387 --> 00:46:48,685 - Tamra? - Yeah? 601 00:46:48,889 --> 00:46:51,358 - Have you achieved menses? - What? 602 00:46:51,976 --> 00:46:53,273 No, he's-- 603 00:46:53,477 --> 00:46:55,900 --asking you if you've had your period yet. 604 00:46:56,647 --> 00:46:59,321 - Um, I really don't wanna say. - You wear a bra, right? 605 00:46:59,525 --> 00:47:02,369 - Yeah. - Thank you. 606 00:47:03,237 --> 00:47:06,036 I gave you an A in sex ed, Tamra. 607 00:47:06,240 --> 00:47:08,868 Little disappointed you don't know what menses are. 608 00:47:09,076 --> 00:47:10,544 Why is sex ed always taught 609 00:47:10,745 --> 00:47:13,373 - by the creepiest teacher? - Clint, quiet please. 610 00:47:13,581 --> 00:47:16,130 It seems the virus is susceptible to androgens. 611 00:47:16,334 --> 00:47:19,213 The pre-pubescent body has testosterone and oestrogen, 612 00:47:19,420 --> 00:47:22,640 but at puberty the body's glands create a feedback cycle 613 00:47:22,840 --> 00:47:26,185 - that increases gonadotropins-- - What are you trying to say? 614 00:47:26,385 --> 00:47:29,639 Talk like a person. Please? 615 00:47:30,598 --> 00:47:35,024 The virus is only dangerous if you haven't gone through puberty. 616 00:47:45,196 --> 00:47:48,166 - What's going on? How'd they do that? - Everyone stay calm. 617 00:47:48,366 --> 00:47:51,370 Calvin. Oh, shit. Calvin. 618 00:47:51,577 --> 00:47:54,126 - Calvin. - Over here, guys. 619 00:47:54,330 --> 00:47:56,082 Calvin? Wake up. Wake up. 620 00:47:56,290 --> 00:47:57,792 - Calvin. - Quit slapping me. 621 00:47:58,000 --> 00:48:00,048 He's diabetic. He needs to eat. 622 00:48:00,252 --> 00:48:02,346 We need to get him a candy bar or a soda. 623 00:48:02,546 --> 00:48:04,924 Wade, do you have any snack bars or something? 624 00:48:05,132 --> 00:48:08,102 - I got creatine powder. - He needs something with sugar. 625 00:48:08,302 --> 00:48:09,599 This body is a no-carb zone. 626 00:48:11,055 --> 00:48:12,227 What was that? 627 00:48:12,431 --> 00:48:16,481 Probably one of the demented children that's been trying to murder us all day. 628 00:48:16,685 --> 00:48:18,107 It's coming from over there. 629 00:48:20,731 --> 00:48:23,075 - They're in the boiler room. - They can't be. 630 00:48:23,275 --> 00:48:25,619 I've checked all these doors. They're locked. 631 00:48:37,248 --> 00:48:38,795 Oh, my God. They have keys? 632 00:48:38,999 --> 00:48:40,876 You said they couldn't do stuff like that. 633 00:48:41,085 --> 00:48:43,463 They're gonna get in. We're all going to die. 634 00:48:43,671 --> 00:48:45,765 This can't be the end. I'm not published. 635 00:48:45,965 --> 00:48:48,434 Wade, I thought about it and I can't marry you. 636 00:48:52,721 --> 00:48:55,099 - Jesus, it's the fucking janitor. - Hitachi? 637 00:48:55,307 --> 00:48:57,935 - What are you doing here? - The lights are out. 638 00:49:00,396 --> 00:49:01,693 - We gotta move. - Go. 639 00:49:01,897 --> 00:49:03,570 Come on! 640 00:49:10,531 --> 00:49:11,953 Move it, move it. 641 00:49:12,283 --> 00:49:14,251 Watch your step. 642 00:49:15,244 --> 00:49:17,292 What the hell? 643 00:49:17,955 --> 00:49:20,253 - You live down here? - Yes. 644 00:49:20,791 --> 00:49:23,010 - Where are we? - Oh, my God. 645 00:49:23,210 --> 00:49:27,590 We have a kid who needs help. He's diabetic. Do you have any food? 646 00:49:32,178 --> 00:49:33,805 Seaweed. 647 00:49:34,138 --> 00:49:36,516 I'm afraid that won't work. No. 648 00:49:37,975 --> 00:49:39,477 The microwave. 649 00:49:39,685 --> 00:49:42,905 This is the emergency broadcast system 650 00:49:43,105 --> 00:49:45,699 for the township of Fort Chicken, Illinois. 651 00:49:45,900 --> 00:49:47,402 Effective immediately, 652 00:49:47,610 --> 00:49:51,080 the mayor of Fort Chicken has announced mandatory evacuations 653 00:49:51,280 --> 00:49:53,533 of neighbourhoods east of Winslow Avenue. 654 00:49:53,741 --> 00:49:58,042 Authorities are reporting the spread of a highly contagious virus. 655 00:49:58,245 --> 00:49:59,622 Reports say-- 656 00:50:02,541 --> 00:50:04,134 We're alone. 657 00:50:05,002 --> 00:50:07,926 We're all gonna die, aren't we? 658 00:50:26,232 --> 00:50:30,738 No. No, we're not. There's a snack machine in the teacher's lounge, right? 659 00:50:30,945 --> 00:50:33,414 - Yeah. - How many people can fit in your truck? 660 00:50:33,614 --> 00:50:38,745 Told you, it's a dual real wheel. Dual real-- It's a dual real whe-- 661 00:50:38,953 --> 00:50:40,921 - Probably eight. - Where are the keys? 662 00:50:41,121 --> 00:50:42,873 - With my jacket. - Which is where? 663 00:50:43,082 --> 00:50:47,132 Back in the teachers' lounge which is impossible to get to. 664 00:50:55,177 --> 00:50:56,599 Where does that lead? 665 00:50:57,972 --> 00:50:59,565 Conditioning of air. 666 00:50:59,765 --> 00:51:02,609 So this duct takes us to the teacher's lounge? 667 00:51:02,810 --> 00:51:04,528 We take the duct to the lounge. 668 00:51:04,728 --> 00:51:07,982 We get something from the vending machine and grab Wade's keys. 669 00:51:08,190 --> 00:51:11,820 We get back here, fix Calvin up and take the duct to the parking lot. 670 00:51:12,027 --> 00:51:14,826 If we're near the office we should grab our phones too. 671 00:51:15,030 --> 00:51:19,160 But who's going up into that thing? Who's teensy, weensy enough to fit--? 672 00:51:22,830 --> 00:51:24,958 Me? No, no, no. 673 00:51:25,165 --> 00:51:27,964 No, I-- No, I definitely don't do brave stuff. 674 00:51:28,168 --> 00:51:30,717 I've never even been camping. I have a blog. 675 00:51:30,921 --> 00:51:35,677 I get excited about Apple products. That's what I'm comfortable with. 676 00:51:38,971 --> 00:51:40,473 Here we go. 677 00:51:47,146 --> 00:51:51,572 By letting you guard this, I'm trusting you with my entire life. 678 00:51:55,321 --> 00:52:00,828 Circle, circle, dot, dot, now you have a cootie shot. 679 00:52:03,203 --> 00:52:06,673 - It'll protect you. - Thanks, Tamra. 680 00:52:32,566 --> 00:52:37,572 Remember, Clint. If you fail, we 're all gonna die. 681 00:52:39,239 --> 00:52:41,913 [appreciate the update. 682 00:52:43,661 --> 00:52:48,041 - You're doing great. Just trust yourself. - Yeah, and your cock is girthy too. 683 00:52:48,248 --> 00:52:49,875 - Fuck off, Wade. - You fuck off. 684 00:52:50,084 --> 00:52:51,677 Both of you cut it out. 685 00:52:51,877 --> 00:52:54,926 You know who you sound like? You sound like your students. 686 00:52:55,130 --> 00:52:57,974 I don't have students. I'm not a teacher. I'm a writer. 687 00:52:58,175 --> 00:53:01,019 Yeah, self-published, writer. I'm self-published too. 688 00:53:01,220 --> 00:53:03,097 Doug, you wanna buy my book? 689 00:53:05,057 --> 00:53:06,650 There are no words on this. 690 00:53:06,850 --> 00:53:10,354 - You know what? I'm going to-- - Lucy, what are you doing? 691 00:53:11,146 --> 00:53:14,821 - No. No, you are not-- - You can't do anything to stop me! 692 00:53:15,025 --> 00:53:18,529 If I wanna go in the fucking air-conditioning duct, I'll go. 693 00:53:18,737 --> 00:53:21,911 I'm just gonna die anyway just like the rest of you assholes. 694 00:53:22,116 --> 00:53:24,585 So maybe I'm gonna try and do something brave. 695 00:53:24,785 --> 00:53:30,007 A final pointless gesture of kindness in this cruel shitty world 696 00:53:30,207 --> 00:53:35,429 that likes taking gestures of kindness and shitting and peeing on them. 697 00:53:35,629 --> 00:53:39,008 You know what else? Since you're all gonna be dead soon anyway, 698 00:53:39,216 --> 00:53:40,559 I should tell you 699 00:53:41,385 --> 00:53:44,229 I hate every single one of you. 700 00:53:59,486 --> 00:54:03,582 It's me. It's me! I'm coming with you whether you like it or not, so shut up. 701 00:54:03,782 --> 00:54:05,125 OK. 702 00:54:05,659 --> 00:54:07,957 This makes me so nervous. 703 00:54:08,871 --> 00:54:11,966 He paces like this late at night when he's on the phone too. 704 00:54:12,166 --> 00:54:13,668 It's just ridiculous. 705 00:54:13,876 --> 00:54:15,298 How do you know that? 706 00:54:17,212 --> 00:54:19,465 You'd better not let anything happen to her. 707 00:54:19,673 --> 00:54:23,519 That's funny. I was thinking of letting really bad things happen to her. 708 00:54:23,719 --> 00:54:26,313 I will squeeze up in there and slap your dick off. 709 00:54:28,974 --> 00:54:32,569 - Thanks for coming to help me. - No problem. 710 00:56:11,827 --> 00:56:13,921 I think this is it. 711 00:56:31,138 --> 00:56:32,685 Careful. 712 00:56:46,111 --> 00:56:50,366 - Oh. Um, do you have a dollar? - Yeah. 713 00:56:56,788 --> 00:56:58,381 There's Wade's keys. 714 00:57:00,834 --> 00:57:03,178 I'm gonna go check and see if there's a phone. 715 00:57:03,378 --> 00:57:05,631 - No, wait for me. - No, we don't have time. 716 00:57:05,839 --> 00:57:08,183 You get the candy bar. I'm gonna get a phone. 717 00:57:08,383 --> 00:57:09,885 OK, be careful. 718 00:57:14,431 --> 00:57:15,808 Come on. 719 00:57:20,062 --> 00:57:22,110 Come on. 720 00:58:07,401 --> 00:58:09,074 Shit. 721 00:58:45,439 --> 00:58:48,693 - Clint, get in! Get in! - I'm working on it. Come on. 722 00:58:48,900 --> 00:58:50,698 Hurry UP! 723 00:59:07,085 --> 00:59:10,089 We're not gonna make it. Go left. 724 00:59:11,006 --> 00:59:12,349 Guys, head's up. 725 00:59:14,843 --> 00:59:16,220 They did it. 726 00:59:16,428 --> 00:59:18,556 Hey, look what we got for you. 727 00:59:28,231 --> 00:59:29,574 Put it back, put it back. 728 00:59:31,985 --> 00:59:33,532 The desk! The desk! 729 00:59:34,613 --> 00:59:37,366 I don't know how much longer I can hold this. 730 00:59:48,376 --> 00:59:49,673 Oh, my God. Oh, my God. 731 00:59:49,878 --> 00:59:52,631 - Miss Stanford. - Jesus. 732 00:59:54,257 --> 00:59:56,055 After the fifth half-eaten corpse you see, 733 00:59:56,259 --> 00:59:59,684 it's still horrifying, but somehow slightly less horrifying. 734 01:00:04,267 --> 01:00:05,610 Shit. 735 01:00:07,395 --> 01:00:10,444 Look out. They're in the vents. They're heading your way. 736 01:00:13,360 --> 01:00:14,828 - I'll get the locks. - OK. 737 01:00:15,028 --> 01:00:17,122 - More stuff. Come on. - Here. 738 01:00:17,322 --> 01:00:18,995 - Here. - Let's go. Come on. 739 01:00:19,783 --> 01:00:22,002 - Keep it coming. - Here. 740 01:00:24,579 --> 01:00:26,627 Straps. 741 01:00:33,421 --> 01:00:34,889 Come on. 742 01:00:35,090 --> 01:00:36,592 Got it. 743 01:00:41,763 --> 01:00:44,607 Why do they pound? What does the pounding accomplish? 744 01:00:44,808 --> 01:00:46,902 Are you guys OK? 745 01:00:47,102 --> 01:00:49,446 Yeah, we're all good. Thanks for the heads-up. 746 01:00:49,646 --> 01:00:52,490 We're not all good. We are trapped in here. 747 01:00:52,691 --> 01:00:54,864 Oh, God, those kids are gonna come in here. 748 01:00:55,068 --> 01:00:57,446 - They're gonna rip us to shreds. - We get it. 749 01:00:57,654 --> 01:01:00,749 You've got to calm down right now. 750 01:01:01,783 --> 01:01:03,956 - I know. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. - Calm. 751 01:01:04,452 --> 01:01:05,544 I'm fine. 752 01:01:06,997 --> 01:01:10,126 - I'm calm. - OK. Thank you. 753 01:01:10,792 --> 01:01:12,544 Calm down. 754 01:01:12,919 --> 01:01:14,466 I'm calm! 755 01:01:14,671 --> 01:01:16,719 I already said I was calm! 756 01:01:18,341 --> 01:01:22,596 This is like the worst Monday ever. 757 01:01:51,082 --> 01:01:53,926 This probably isn't the greatest timing, 758 01:01:54,127 --> 01:01:56,721 but I have a confession to make. 759 01:01:57,839 --> 01:02:02,470 When I saw you this morning, I was only pretending to be surprised. 760 01:02:02,677 --> 01:02:04,679 I knew you taught here. 761 01:02:08,350 --> 01:02:09,693 Really? 762 01:02:11,269 --> 01:02:16,241 Yeah, I've been pretty depressed lately and I just wanted to see you. 763 01:02:17,484 --> 01:02:20,988 It's stupid. We haven't had a conversation in like 15 years. 764 01:02:21,196 --> 01:02:24,416 I guess I kind of missed you somehow. 765 01:02:25,742 --> 01:02:29,918 - Sorry, that's so creepy. - No, it's not creepy. 766 01:02:30,121 --> 01:02:31,748 I'm just surprised. 767 01:02:31,957 --> 01:02:36,463 I heard you were in New York following your dream being a writer. 768 01:02:39,798 --> 01:02:43,473 I have another confession to make. 769 01:02:44,219 --> 01:02:48,224 Remember when I said I wasn't a teacher? 770 01:02:49,140 --> 01:02:50,892 That was a lie too. 771 01:02:51,101 --> 01:02:52,478 That's what I was doing in New York. 772 01:02:55,313 --> 01:02:56,860 Really? 773 01:02:57,607 --> 01:03:03,239 Yeah. Yeah, I've been teaching first grade for two years. 774 01:03:06,283 --> 01:03:11,130 I mean, I thought I would have free time to write, um, on my free time, 775 01:03:11,329 --> 01:03:14,299 but as it turns out there is no free time. 776 01:03:14,499 --> 01:03:16,843 Teaching is the hardest job in the world. 777 01:03:17,335 --> 01:03:18,837 And I would... 778 01:03:19,754 --> 01:03:21,722 ...look out at the kids in my class 779 01:03:21,923 --> 01:03:25,473 and I found myself getting jealous of them. 780 01:03:26,344 --> 01:03:29,814 They have the whole world ahead of them. 781 01:03:30,015 --> 01:03:31,642 Their whole lives ahead of them. 782 01:03:31,850 --> 01:03:35,354 They have all these opportunities that have already passed me by. 783 01:03:38,523 --> 01:03:39,945 What? 784 01:03:41,276 --> 01:03:45,247 Nothing. I was gonna tell you, you were wrong, but you sort of have a point. 785 01:03:45,447 --> 01:03:48,621 Oh, that's super comforting. Thanks. 786 01:04:05,842 --> 01:04:07,094 Oh. 787 01:04:10,930 --> 01:04:13,809 - I probably shouldn't have done that. - I know. I know. 788 01:04:14,017 --> 01:04:16,315 I can't just barge into your life like that. 789 01:04:16,519 --> 01:04:18,362 Even if I do kind of hate your boyfriend. 790 01:04:21,358 --> 01:04:23,031 Just need a bottle of wine. 791 01:04:23,234 --> 01:04:26,238 Right? One of those backpacks must have some beer in it. 792 01:04:26,446 --> 01:04:29,416 Definitely Ritalin. Probably Adderall too. 793 01:04:33,036 --> 01:04:34,754 Wait. 794 01:04:38,917 --> 01:04:40,840 There's still so much I haven't done. 795 01:04:41,044 --> 01:04:46,847 Like... Like I've also wanted to fire an Uzi. I don't know. 796 01:04:48,009 --> 01:04:50,103 I wanted a bunny. 797 01:04:50,303 --> 01:04:53,773 I always wanted a bunny growing up and never got one. 798 01:04:53,973 --> 01:04:55,975 You know what I want? 799 01:04:57,310 --> 01:05:00,439 I wanna know why my brother-in-law makes ten times what I do. 800 01:05:00,647 --> 01:05:02,775 You know what he does for a living? 801 01:05:02,982 --> 01:05:06,111 He makes giant foam fingers for football games. 802 01:05:06,945 --> 01:05:10,074 You tell people you're a teacher and they look at you like 803 01:05:10,281 --> 01:05:12,500 you must've wanted to do something else. 804 01:05:12,700 --> 01:05:16,671 It's like, "Fuck you, man. I'm raising your kids." 805 01:05:17,122 --> 01:05:18,795 I love my job. 806 01:05:19,290 --> 01:05:21,918 - And teachers deserve respect. - Yeah. 807 01:05:22,752 --> 01:05:26,928 I'm sorry that it took me until today to realise this, 808 01:05:29,259 --> 01:05:31,353 but I really actually like you guys. 809 01:05:36,474 --> 01:05:39,978 I always wanted to have sex with a prostitute who was non-white. 810 01:05:43,356 --> 01:05:44,778 Is anybody there? 811 01:05:45,608 --> 01:05:47,076 Wade? 812 01:05:47,444 --> 01:05:50,789 - Hey. You OK? - Yeah. 813 01:05:51,698 --> 01:05:54,542 Hey. Listen, Lucy, about today-- 814 01:05:54,742 --> 01:05:56,870 Wade, we can talk about this another time. 815 01:05:57,078 --> 01:06:00,503 - Let's not talk about this now. - No, I wanna talk about it. 816 01:06:00,707 --> 01:06:05,304 Lucy, I love you and I'm so sorry that I was an asshole today. 817 01:06:06,379 --> 01:06:08,757 Clint's not listening, is he? 818 01:06:10,842 --> 01:06:12,719 - No, it's just me. - Good. 819 01:06:12,927 --> 01:06:16,852 Because... Look, I know you're not crazy about your hometown. 820 01:06:17,056 --> 01:06:19,730 And this is not what you pictured growing up 821 01:06:19,934 --> 01:06:21,982 that you'd be dating some PE teacher. 822 01:06:23,188 --> 01:06:26,738 I guess I just got jealous that some fancy-pants New York writer 823 01:06:26,941 --> 01:06:29,410 - was gonna swoop in... - No, wait. 824 01:06:29,611 --> 01:06:31,739 I know you've always wanted to live there. 825 01:06:31,946 --> 01:06:34,995 - I don't know that that's something-- - Wade, it's Clint. 826 01:06:35,200 --> 01:06:38,704 - Damn it, put Lucy back on. - I'm not a fancy writer from New York. 827 01:06:38,912 --> 01:06:41,711 I'm a bad writer from Fort Chicken. I live with my mum. 828 01:06:41,915 --> 01:06:43,667 I sleep in a bed I used to pee in. 829 01:06:43,875 --> 01:06:45,843 You're a handsome guy who Lucy likes, 830 01:06:46,044 --> 01:06:49,548 and if you guys are meant to be together I'm all for it. 831 01:06:49,756 --> 01:06:51,804 I'm sorry I got in the way. 832 01:06:57,597 --> 01:06:59,520 You really think I'm a handsome guy? 833 01:07:01,809 --> 01:07:03,857 Listen. Thanks, Clint. 834 01:07:04,062 --> 01:07:05,405 Just" 835 01:07:06,439 --> 01:07:09,238 Can you put Lucy back on, please? 836 01:07:11,528 --> 01:07:13,530 Wade, I love you, but I-- 837 01:07:13,738 --> 01:07:15,490 - Wade, it's me again. - Goddamnit! 838 01:07:15,698 --> 01:07:17,200 I have an idea. Listen up. 839 01:07:24,874 --> 01:07:27,127 Oh, dear lord. 840 01:07:27,335 --> 01:07:29,258 ls the coast clear? 841 01:07:30,296 --> 01:07:32,970 If by clear you mean full of terrifying imagery 842 01:07:33,174 --> 01:07:35,927 that will take me years of therapy to unsee. 843 01:07:36,135 --> 01:07:37,478 Hey- 844 01:07:37,679 --> 01:07:39,647 Hey, sweetie. 845 01:07:42,058 --> 01:07:43,731 OK, go for it. 846 01:07:44,686 --> 01:07:48,907 Look, drugs. You hungry for drugs? Want some Ritalin? Some Adderall? 847 01:07:52,235 --> 01:07:54,533 Do you remember how in that movie Commando, 848 01:07:54,737 --> 01:08:00,039 and every other eighties action film there was that suiting-up montage? 849 01:08:00,243 --> 01:08:02,666 - Well, this is that scene. - Yeah. 850 01:08:02,870 --> 01:08:07,216 Now, they've got us outnumbered, outgunned and out-- 851 01:08:07,875 --> 01:08:11,755 --numbered, but there's one thing we have that they don't. 852 01:08:11,963 --> 01:08:14,136 The drive to win. 853 01:08:15,258 --> 01:08:17,431 They seem very driven to me. 854 01:08:17,635 --> 01:08:20,479 We need to turn this room inside out. 855 01:08:20,680 --> 01:08:23,650 Look under every shelf, inside every box, 856 01:08:24,142 --> 01:08:26,941 gather anything you or someone else could use. 857 01:08:27,145 --> 01:08:31,195 We've got to collect everything. We've gotta have bats and tools 858 01:08:31,399 --> 01:08:33,026 and ropes and pointy things. 859 01:08:33,234 --> 01:08:37,114 Anything that has a spike on it, anything that's serrated. 860 01:08:37,322 --> 01:08:40,826 We're not playing defence anymore. Darn fourth graders. 861 01:08:41,034 --> 01:08:43,128 You can forget about them. They're gone. 862 01:08:43,328 --> 01:08:46,548 Forget who you think you're fighting. We're going to war. 863 01:08:46,748 --> 01:08:49,251 I used to be a champion. 864 01:08:49,459 --> 01:08:53,214 I'm a little fatter now, I'm a little balder too, 865 01:08:53,421 --> 01:08:55,674 but I've still got that spirit. 866 01:08:56,132 --> 01:08:59,011 And they are not taking that away from me. 867 01:08:59,218 --> 01:09:00,595 Even 868 01:09:01,888 --> 01:09:05,267 I've played dodgeball a million times with these little shits. 869 01:09:05,475 --> 01:09:08,354 Go for the face. It's their weak spot. 870 01:09:10,897 --> 01:09:14,276 Huh. I guess they really can overdose on that stuff. 871 01:09:15,610 --> 01:09:17,783 OK, looks like the Adderall did the job. 872 01:09:17,987 --> 01:09:19,910 They should be knocked out for a while. 873 01:09:20,114 --> 01:09:22,333 When we say go, rendezvous in the main hall, 874 01:09:22,533 --> 01:09:27,334 head straight for the back door, then haul ass to Wade's truck. Ready? 875 01:09:27,538 --> 01:09:29,791 We are good to go. We can do this. 876 01:09:29,999 --> 01:09:34,721 Between us we've got 18 regional-championship trophies, 877 01:09:34,921 --> 01:09:39,051 three MVPs, and one state-championship ring. 878 01:09:39,258 --> 01:09:40,885 Wade, those are all your awards. 879 01:09:41,094 --> 01:09:43,222 Exactly, and I'm a part of this team. 880 01:09:43,429 --> 01:09:46,057 That makes us all champions. 881 01:09:46,265 --> 01:09:47,812 Now, are we ready? 882 01:09:48,017 --> 01:09:49,314 - Ready. - Ready. 883 01:09:49,519 --> 01:09:51,237 - I'm gay. - I fucking knew it. 884 01:09:51,437 --> 01:09:53,110 Hitachi, you ready? 885 01:09:55,108 --> 01:09:56,860 Yes, Hitachi ready to die. 886 01:09:57,068 --> 01:10:00,948 My father told me story once. Story of frog and caterpillar. 887 01:10:01,155 --> 01:10:06,207 Story goes, it was winter and frog is sitting on snow-covered branch. 888 01:10:06,411 --> 01:10:08,539 The frog saw the caterpillar and asked-- 889 01:10:08,746 --> 01:10:11,795 OK, this story is taking way too long. Let's play some dodgeball. 890 01:10:21,217 --> 01:10:23,060 Hey, guys. 891 01:10:45,867 --> 01:10:48,666 OK, I got this. 892 01:10:51,456 --> 01:10:53,208 Come on. 893 01:11:38,294 --> 01:11:39,762 Fuck, yeah. Let's go. 894 01:11:40,755 --> 01:11:42,928 Go, go. Move it. 895 01:11:43,132 --> 01:11:45,226 - Let's go. - OK. Go, go, go. 896 01:11:48,262 --> 01:11:50,640 Damn it, I'm out of balls. 897 01:11:57,897 --> 01:12:00,241 Oh, shit. 898 01:12:21,254 --> 01:12:22,506 Fuck. 899 01:12:26,884 --> 01:12:28,511 Rock 'n' roll! 900 01:12:41,440 --> 01:12:42,783 Get back. 901 01:12:43,734 --> 01:12:46,157 - Lucy? Where's Lucy? - I don't know. 902 01:12:55,204 --> 01:12:56,547 Come on. Come on. 903 01:13:14,599 --> 01:13:16,772 You motherfuckers! 904 01:13:27,445 --> 01:13:29,743 - Thanks. - Take me to Subway some time. 905 01:13:30,823 --> 01:13:32,416 - Lucy. - OK. OK. 906 01:13:32,617 --> 01:13:34,870 Get behind me. Get back. 907 01:13:36,037 --> 01:13:37,584 Get back. Get back. 908 01:13:40,917 --> 01:13:42,385 Give me the keys. 909 01:13:46,839 --> 01:13:49,888 - Get those kids to the truck. - Go, go, go. 910 01:13:51,552 --> 01:13:53,475 Get off him! 911 01:13:54,805 --> 01:13:56,773 Come on, let's go. 912 01:14:00,645 --> 01:14:02,147 He's behind us. 913 01:14:05,483 --> 01:14:07,406 Get in. Get in. 914 01:14:12,031 --> 01:14:13,408 Hey, Danielle Steel. 915 01:14:17,703 --> 01:14:19,046 Take care of her. 916 01:14:20,790 --> 01:14:22,167 No! 917 01:14:24,418 --> 01:14:26,386 - No, no, no, Lucy. No. - No. Wade. 918 01:14:36,180 --> 01:14:39,684 - No, no, no. Hang on, Lucy. Lucy, no. - Wade! No! No! 919 01:14:46,065 --> 01:14:47,408 No! 920 01:14:55,074 --> 01:14:57,418 No, we gotta go. We gotta go. Go. 921 01:14:57,618 --> 01:14:59,916 - Get in. - Oh, my God. 922 01:15:00,121 --> 01:15:01,498 Oh, God. 923 01:15:02,164 --> 01:15:03,882 Wade? 924 01:15:07,461 --> 01:15:09,304 No! 925 01:15:27,690 --> 01:15:30,364 Lucy, I'm sorry. 926 01:15:38,951 --> 01:15:40,749 What about these kids' parents? 927 01:15:46,751 --> 01:15:48,253 What about our parents? 928 01:16:01,640 --> 01:16:02,937 Shit. 929 01:16:03,142 --> 01:16:04,815 - What? - What? 930 01:16:05,311 --> 01:16:06,608 We're almost empty. 931 01:16:12,068 --> 01:16:13,615 Everybody hold on! 932 01:16:24,246 --> 01:16:26,874 Must have been in the back the whole time. 933 01:16:27,166 --> 01:16:28,509 - Are you OK? - Yes. 934 01:16:30,461 --> 01:16:33,135 Oh, my God. What is he doing? 935 01:16:35,591 --> 01:16:37,468 Ram him! 936 01:16:42,807 --> 01:16:44,730 Eat a cock. 937 01:16:56,112 --> 01:16:57,580 Well, that ought to do it. 938 01:17:08,916 --> 01:17:11,465 Guys, up ahead. It's Danville. 939 01:17:11,669 --> 01:17:14,548 At least it's not Fort Chicken. 940 01:17:28,853 --> 01:17:30,526 Oh, no. 941 01:17:35,693 --> 01:17:37,445 Jesus. 942 01:17:39,155 --> 01:17:40,498 They got out. 943 01:17:41,657 --> 01:17:43,375 Well, I'd feel worse 944 01:17:43,576 --> 01:17:47,422 if all these dead people weren't from fucking Danville. 945 01:17:53,544 --> 01:17:57,799 Well, now we're really out of gas. 946 01:18:04,763 --> 01:18:06,106 Everybody stay close. 947 01:18:17,526 --> 01:18:20,325 - Wait. Where's Doug? - There he is. 948 01:18:21,363 --> 01:18:25,368 - Doug, come on. - No, you come here. 949 01:18:32,791 --> 01:18:34,088 They're everywhere. 950 01:18:40,507 --> 01:18:42,100 That's Indiana. 951 01:18:42,635 --> 01:18:44,933 That's Ohio. 952 01:18:45,137 --> 01:18:46,855 It's an epidemic. 953 01:18:47,056 --> 01:18:49,024 Actually the correct term is pandemic. 954 01:18:49,225 --> 01:18:51,694 A pandemic covers a much wider geographical-- 955 01:18:51,894 --> 01:18:53,817 That's the Fort Chicken factory. 956 01:18:57,316 --> 01:19:00,991 Is there anything from that factory served in the school cafeteria? 957 01:19:01,195 --> 01:19:02,572 Chicken nuggets. 958 01:19:02,780 --> 01:19:04,578 Of course. A food-borne virus. 959 01:19:04,782 --> 01:19:08,912 If I could get homing endonucleases, each one targeting a different specific-- 960 01:19:09,119 --> 01:19:11,417 You're doing it again. You're doing it again. 961 01:19:11,622 --> 01:19:13,545 Rebekka, quiet please. 962 01:19:13,749 --> 01:19:16,127 OK, see, that time I was actually talking. 963 01:19:16,335 --> 01:19:20,010 If we could isolate the virus and kill it while preserving the capsid-- 964 01:19:20,214 --> 01:19:23,809 - Please dumb it down. - If I could find one of the nuggets, 965 01:19:24,009 --> 01:19:26,432 maybe I could make a vaccine for the virus. 966 01:19:35,437 --> 01:19:37,565 Everybody look for an open door. 967 01:19:40,150 --> 01:19:43,199 - Guys, hurry up. Get in here. - Go, go, go. 968 01:19:50,661 --> 01:19:52,663 Everyone OK? 969 01:19:53,956 --> 01:19:55,833 OK, we're here. We made it. 970 01:19:56,041 --> 01:19:58,214 Oh, I fucking hate Danville so much. 971 01:19:58,419 --> 01:19:59,921 Everyone stick together. 972 01:20:03,632 --> 01:20:07,011 I can't-- I can't see anything. 973 01:20:07,886 --> 01:20:09,388 Someone find a li-- 974 01:20:11,974 --> 01:20:13,271 - It's me. - Jesus. 975 01:20:13,475 --> 01:20:15,944 These things are great. 976 01:20:16,353 --> 01:20:18,526 Let's go this way. 977 01:20:21,900 --> 01:20:24,824 Oh, my God. Those are the nuggets. 978 01:20:27,031 --> 01:20:28,783 You'll come in handy, little one. 979 01:20:30,617 --> 01:20:35,248 Nugget out of here. Nugget out-- Nugget out of here. 980 01:20:36,915 --> 01:20:39,464 OK. Come on. 981 01:21:01,899 --> 01:21:03,321 Come on. 982 01:21:10,032 --> 01:21:11,875 Where are we? 983 01:21:35,432 --> 01:21:37,309 - I hate to say it, guys. - Oh, shit. 984 01:21:37,518 --> 01:21:38,861 Oh, shit. 985 01:22:06,088 --> 01:22:07,886 Somebody order a bad-ass? 986 01:22:08,090 --> 01:22:10,058 Wade! 987 01:22:12,428 --> 01:22:13,554 Now, Hitachi. 988 01:22:13,762 --> 01:22:16,356 Now the time for the frog to fuck the caterpillar? 989 01:22:16,557 --> 01:22:17,809 Whatever, Hitachi. 990 01:22:21,854 --> 01:22:24,573 - They're coming. - Let's go! 991 01:22:24,773 --> 01:22:28,243 Get in the van! Let's go. Move, move, move! 992 01:22:28,777 --> 01:22:30,620 I thought you were dead. 993 01:22:30,821 --> 01:22:33,540 It was just half time, baby. 994 01:22:34,032 --> 01:22:37,582 Go to the van! Run! Run! Run! 995 01:22:58,932 --> 01:23:01,651 Hurry! Let's go. We can make it. 996 01:23:02,853 --> 01:23:04,730 Help me wedge this in here. 997 01:23:07,191 --> 01:23:09,034 Clint, go. Get out of here. 998 01:23:12,988 --> 01:23:16,162 - Kids, kids, go, go, go. - Oh, my God. 999 01:23:19,036 --> 01:23:21,960 Is this one of those really intense drug interventions? 1000 01:23:23,373 --> 01:23:26,547 I'm giving you kids an F for fuck you! 1001 01:23:36,553 --> 01:23:38,271 Go, go, go! 1002 01:23:39,181 --> 01:23:42,025 What are you doing? Water won't hold them off. 1003 01:23:42,226 --> 01:23:43,728 It ain't water. 1004 01:23:54,029 --> 01:23:56,703 Nap time, motherfuckers. 1005 01:24:09,586 --> 01:24:11,463 Let's roll. 1006 01:24:15,801 --> 01:24:19,772 - Where are we going? - Place kids don't wanna go. 1007 01:24:19,972 --> 01:24:21,815 Wade, how did you find us? 1008 01:24:22,015 --> 01:24:25,189 I always know where to find my dual re-- Real-- 1009 01:24:25,394 --> 01:24:29,945 My dual re-- Dual real-- My dual real whe-- 1010 01:24:34,444 --> 01:24:37,448 Subtitles: SDI Media 1011 01:28:18,210 --> 01:28:22,761 And the frog fucked the caterpillar. Ha.