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In 1974, President Richard Nixon
resigned in disgrace...
2
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...amid the Watergate scandal.
3
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One of the mysteries
of the 20th century...
4
00:00:55,473 --> 00:00:57,725
...pertains to the identity
of Deep Throat...
5
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...the inside source who leaked the
information to the Washington Post.
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Who is Deep Throat?
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Tonight, my guests will
answer that question.
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Bob Woodward, Carl Bernstein...
9
00:01:08,444 --> 00:01:11,656
...Post reporters who broke
the story so many years ago.
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- Nice to have you here.
- Thank you for having us.
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Let's just get right to it.
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Who is...
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...Deep Throat?
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Uh, well, first of all,
we're not telling you.
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[CHUCKLES]
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Second, I was under the impression
that I would be the only guest tonight.
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Well, I guess you're not, Bob.
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You know, you guys
are getting pretty old now.
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So, what's your point?
20
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I'm wondering...
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...are you ever going to tell
anybody who Deep Throat is...
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...before you die?
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Well, a lot bigger names than you...
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...have asked us
who Deep Throat is, so....
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I don't think we'd reveal it
on a little show like this.
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You know what I think?
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I mean, I'm just gonna
come right out and say it.
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I don't think there is a Deep Throat.
I think you made it up.
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- Yes, there is! Deep Throat is--
- Don't say it! He's trying to trick us!
30
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I'm sorry, Bob.
31
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Don't ever touch me.
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- Bob, I said I'm sorry.
- Don't ever!
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You smell like cabbage.
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[THE JACKSON 5'S "ABC" PLAYING]
35
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♪ You went to school to learn, girl ♪
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♪ Things you never, never knew before ♪
37
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- ♪ Like "I before E, except after C" ♪
- ♪ And why 2 plus 2 makes 4 ♪
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BETSY:
Oh, fudge!
39
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- ♪ Now, now, now I'm gonna teach you ♪
- ♪ Teach you, teach you ♪
40
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- ♪ All about love girl ♪
- ♪ All about love ♪
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♪ Sit yourself down, take a seat
All you gotta do is repeat after me ♪
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♪ A B C
Easy as, 1 2 3 ♪
43
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♪ Simple as, do re mi
A B C ♪
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♪ 1 2 3
Baby, you and me, girl... ♪♪
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Okay.
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ARLENE:
Okay.
47
00:03:24,580 --> 00:03:25,957
Dear Bobby:
48
00:03:27,625 --> 00:03:30,086
BETSY:
I'm having so much fun already.
49
00:03:30,503 --> 00:03:32,463
ARLENE:
I need you to concentrate.
50
00:03:32,630 --> 00:03:34,465
- Dear Bobby:
BETSY: Hold on, hold on.
51
00:03:34,632 --> 00:03:36,634
ARLENE: Here's the reason--
BETSY: Wait.
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Arlene, I need to have time
to review my letters.
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Okay.
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00:03:41,764 --> 00:03:43,850
ARLENE: We have a deadline.
BETSY: I know.
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I need to concentrate. Hold on.
Let me just look at them.
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00:03:47,436 --> 00:03:48,855
Okay. Dear Bobby:
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Here's the number one reason
that I think--
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Okay, I'm ready.
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- "A."
- Okay.
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Dear Bobby:
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00:03:59,699 --> 00:04:03,870
Here's the number one reason that
I think that you should choose me...
62
00:04:04,120 --> 00:04:05,538
...Arlene Lorenzo...
63
00:04:05,705 --> 00:04:08,583
...for the "Win A Date
With Bobby Sherman" contest...
64
00:04:08,749 --> 00:04:11,294
- ...in Tiger Beat magazine.
- Hold on. Wait.
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00:04:11,460 --> 00:04:13,045
Number one: I love you.
66
00:04:13,212 --> 00:04:15,756
And number two:
I just think you're cute.
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00:04:15,923 --> 00:04:18,759
B, B. Oh, my God,
they're both together.
68
00:04:18,926 --> 00:04:23,639
But the main reason that I think
you should pick me, Arlene Lorenzo...
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00:04:24,223 --> 00:04:26,809
...is because we're soul mates, Bobby.
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00:04:28,311 --> 00:04:30,521
You are so brilliant, Arlene.
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So, what do we have so far?
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"Dear Bobb...
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...y."
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ARLENE: I think maybe I could type
faster than you.
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CROWD [ON TV]:
Four more years!
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Four more years!
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MAN 1: What are you looking at?
MAN 2: Nothing.
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00:04:54,420 --> 00:04:56,756
MAN 1:
You seem pretty interested in nothing.
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Give me those.
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Oh, yeah.
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I'll take the one doing cartwheels.
82
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[SLURPS]
83
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What time is it?
84
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Shit!
85
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Um-- The gemstone is glistening.
86
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The gemstone is glistening.
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[♪♪♪]
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She's finally asleep!
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The deadline to enter the contest
is midnight. We have to hurry.
90
00:05:48,474 --> 00:05:50,643
We have to mail this letter. Go...
91
00:05:50,810 --> 00:05:53,187
...so I can win, or I swear I'll die.
92
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WOMAN [ON TV]: Evening, Mr. Whipple.
MAN: Evening.
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00:06:01,862 --> 00:06:03,739
WOMAN:
Don't squeeze the Charmin.
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00:06:04,824 --> 00:06:06,117
BOY: Hi, Dad.
MAN: Hi, Georgie.
95
00:06:06,283 --> 00:06:09,328
BOY: Can I carry the Charmin?
MAN: Yep, but no squeezing.
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00:06:09,495 --> 00:06:11,455
BOY:
What did you do in the store today?
97
00:06:11,622 --> 00:06:13,374
MAN:
You should've seen it.
98
00:06:13,624 --> 00:06:16,794
There I was, and these two ladies
were squeezing the Charmin.
99
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This way, we can get back in
without having to go to the lobby.
100
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So nobody'll ever see us
and tell my mom.
101
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Arlene.
102
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You're a genius!
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[SIGHS]
104
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Okay.
105
00:06:56,709 --> 00:06:57,918
[WHISPERS]
Down, down!
106
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It's Fat Freddy.
107
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[PASSES GAS]
108
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[MUFFLED LAUGHTER]
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Shh! Shh!
110
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That is so disgusting.
111
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Go, go. Go, go, go!
112
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What the--?
113
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Oh, shit!
114
00:07:38,834 --> 00:07:42,088
Max, call the cops.
Looks like we got a break-in here.
115
00:07:43,464 --> 00:07:45,216
You know why I love Bobby?
116
00:07:45,466 --> 00:07:49,136
Because he cares about people
but also about nature and ecology.
117
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I need a status report.
Give me a 20 for gemstone. Over.
118
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Jewel thieves.
119
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- Really?
- Yes.
120
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Hold it!
121
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[BOTH YELL]
122
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Get away from us!
123
00:08:05,611 --> 00:08:08,447
Young people running wild
in the middle of the night.
124
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Hey.
125
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By the time you're grown, you'll be
living in the Soviet Union of America!
126
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[BOTH SCREAMING]
127
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She's still out like a light.
128
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[SIRENS CHIRPING]
129
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OFFICER:
We have the suspects in custody!
130
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It was a jewel heist.
131
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See if you can get
any statements from them.
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[GROANS]
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Arlene?
134
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Betsy?
135
00:08:50,239 --> 00:08:52,449
What are you two
doing up at this hour?
136
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Nothing.
137
00:08:56,912 --> 00:08:58,914
REPORTER:
Last night, five men were arrested...
138
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...in the Democratic Committee office...
139
00:09:01,125 --> 00:09:03,919
...during an attempted burglary
at the Watergate complex.
140
00:09:04,086 --> 00:09:05,421
It has been confirmed...
141
00:09:05,588 --> 00:09:09,258
...that one of the arrested was
formerly an employee of the CIA.
142
00:09:09,967 --> 00:09:12,219
TEACHER:
Aren't you students excited...
143
00:09:12,386 --> 00:09:16,891
...about visiting the home of
the president and the first family?
144
00:09:17,057 --> 00:09:19,101
- Well, not really.
- No.
145
00:09:19,268 --> 00:09:23,189
And after our tour,
we're having lunch at McDonald's.
146
00:09:23,355 --> 00:09:25,274
[ALL CHEERING]
147
00:09:26,942 --> 00:09:28,777
I love McDonald's so much!
148
00:09:28,944 --> 00:09:31,197
French fries! French fries!
149
00:09:36,535 --> 00:09:38,954
He looks like he's wearing blush.
150
00:09:39,538 --> 00:09:41,540
[BOTH GIGGLING]
151
00:09:46,253 --> 00:09:48,380
That guy has T.P. stuck to his shoe.
152
00:09:48,964 --> 00:09:50,007
Hey, mister!
153
00:09:51,091 --> 00:09:53,093
- Hey, you!
- Shorty, turn around.
154
00:09:54,345 --> 00:09:56,388
Young lady, I am a very busy man.
155
00:09:56,555 --> 00:09:57,848
Wait a minute, I know you.
156
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BETSY:
Me too. But from where?
157
00:10:00,351 --> 00:10:01,769
I don't know.
158
00:10:01,936 --> 00:10:03,771
Do you sell corn dogs at the mall?
159
00:10:04,104 --> 00:10:07,983
As far as you're concerned,
I have no identity at all.
160
00:10:08,150 --> 00:10:09,944
As a matter of fact...
161
00:10:10,361 --> 00:10:11,987
...I'm not even here.
162
00:10:13,113 --> 00:10:15,449
ARLENE:
He's way weirder than the corn dog guy.
163
00:10:17,576 --> 00:10:19,161
And this isn't T.P.
164
00:10:19,328 --> 00:10:22,831
It's a piece of paper with names
and amounts of money on it.
165
00:10:23,540 --> 00:10:25,000
"CREEP list"?
166
00:10:25,542 --> 00:10:28,170
I guess all the people
on that list must be creeps.
167
00:10:28,337 --> 00:10:29,421
Mm-hm.
168
00:10:29,964 --> 00:10:31,006
Souvenir.
169
00:10:32,007 --> 00:10:33,384
Let's go.
170
00:10:39,014 --> 00:10:41,308
Jesus, Gordon,
they're just little girls.
171
00:10:41,976 --> 00:10:46,021
GORDON: They were in the Watergate
last night. They know too much, Bob.
172
00:10:47,147 --> 00:10:49,900
I want to interrogate them.
173
00:10:50,693 --> 00:10:55,406
BOB: I think you've done enough,
what with bumbling the burglary and all.
174
00:10:55,864 --> 00:10:58,242
Just pay off all your guys
on that CREEP list.
175
00:10:58,409 --> 00:11:01,412
Don't worry about that.
I've got that right here.
176
00:11:01,578 --> 00:11:06,083
G. Gordon Liddy is not going to let down
the president of the United States.
177
00:11:08,627 --> 00:11:12,047
Would you ladies like to see
the West Wing of the White House?
178
00:11:21,181 --> 00:11:22,308
- Oh!
- Sorry.
179
00:11:25,060 --> 00:11:26,437
This is fun.
180
00:11:28,063 --> 00:11:29,815
Look at that b--
181
00:11:33,193 --> 00:11:34,320
Ladies...
182
00:11:35,321 --> 00:11:37,614
...when you think of your president...
183
00:11:38,073 --> 00:11:39,283
...do you think...
184
00:11:39,658 --> 00:11:41,493
...friendly thoughts?
185
00:11:45,289 --> 00:11:47,374
I don't think
about him that much.
186
00:11:47,541 --> 00:11:49,209
But when you do...
187
00:11:50,127 --> 00:11:51,754
...you don't think...
188
00:11:52,087 --> 00:11:53,589
...unfriendly thoughts, do you?
189
00:11:54,548 --> 00:11:56,467
- No.
- No.
190
00:11:56,633 --> 00:12:00,262
So you would never want
to do anything that might...
191
00:12:00,429 --> 00:12:02,848
...hurt the president?
192
00:12:03,015 --> 00:12:04,725
Never. No.
193
00:12:04,892 --> 00:12:06,101
Because you see--
194
00:12:06,268 --> 00:12:07,102
[KNOCKING]
195
00:12:08,645 --> 00:12:10,731
Excuse me, Mr. Haldeman.
196
00:12:10,898 --> 00:12:13,942
It's your wife.
She says it's rather urgent.
197
00:12:17,863 --> 00:12:19,448
Excuse me, ladies.
198
00:12:25,120 --> 00:12:26,288
Hello, dear.
199
00:12:26,747 --> 00:12:31,001
Mm-hm. Yeah, just putting out a little fire
here at the White House.
200
00:12:31,168 --> 00:12:33,212
I can stop by the store
on the way home.
201
00:12:33,379 --> 00:12:35,672
Mm-hm. A dozen? The poppy kind.
202
00:12:35,923 --> 00:12:39,385
I'll tell you the problem.
The dog doesn't like me.
203
00:12:39,927 --> 00:12:44,056
Kennedy and Johnson had dogs
that liked them. That's the problem.
204
00:12:44,223 --> 00:12:48,352
Mr. President, maybe you should
show the dog more affection.
205
00:12:48,602 --> 00:12:50,687
Maybe I ought to fire you!
206
00:12:52,147 --> 00:12:53,565
Come on, boy.
207
00:12:54,942 --> 00:12:56,735
Looks away. Doesn't look at me.
208
00:12:56,985 --> 00:12:58,487
What'd I do to him? Nothing.
209
00:12:58,737 --> 00:13:01,115
You're supposed to love me, Checkers.
210
00:13:01,281 --> 00:13:03,951
MAN: Shouldn't you call him
King Timahoe, sir?
211
00:13:04,159 --> 00:13:05,828
[BLOWS HIGH-PITCH WHISTLE]
212
00:13:06,745 --> 00:13:08,038
Come here.
213
00:13:08,205 --> 00:13:09,873
NIXON:
Where's he going?
214
00:13:10,040 --> 00:13:11,750
[CHEERING]
215
00:13:11,917 --> 00:13:14,086
BOB:
No, I am not uptight.
216
00:13:14,253 --> 00:13:16,755
When did you start
talking like that, anyway?
217
00:13:17,714 --> 00:13:19,508
What's going on in here?
218
00:13:20,092 --> 00:13:22,261
[SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY]
219
00:13:22,469 --> 00:13:23,971
Mr. President, if I may.
220
00:13:24,138 --> 00:13:25,806
BETSY: Look how cute you are.
Come here.
221
00:13:26,306 --> 00:13:27,724
Come here, baby.
222
00:13:27,891 --> 00:13:29,017
It's the president.
223
00:13:29,184 --> 00:13:33,814
I mean, all I asked for
was a simple bugging, all right?
224
00:13:33,981 --> 00:13:36,150
I don't know how many times
we've done that.
225
00:13:36,316 --> 00:13:38,235
And here they go and screw it up.
226
00:13:39,236 --> 00:13:41,697
Hi, puppy. Nice puppy!
227
00:13:41,864 --> 00:13:43,198
Nice puppy!
228
00:13:44,450 --> 00:13:45,951
Have you paid them off?
229
00:13:46,118 --> 00:13:48,287
CREEP has made up
a list of who to pay off...
230
00:13:48,537 --> 00:13:50,497
...and Liddy's taking care of it now.
231
00:13:53,667 --> 00:13:55,836
Are you the president's dog trainer?
232
00:13:56,003 --> 00:13:59,256
I'm John Dean,
Chief White House Counsel.
233
00:13:59,423 --> 00:14:00,591
BETSY:
Oh....
234
00:14:01,175 --> 00:14:02,718
That's too bad.
235
00:14:04,636 --> 00:14:05,929
Oh, thank you!
236
00:14:06,096 --> 00:14:07,723
That one lives in the Watergate.
237
00:14:07,890 --> 00:14:10,058
They were there
the night of the break-in.
238
00:14:10,225 --> 00:14:11,310
Do they know anything?
239
00:14:11,477 --> 00:14:13,896
I love your ears.
Look at the ears!
240
00:14:14,188 --> 00:14:17,941
Sir, I've met yams with more going
on upstairs than those two.
241
00:14:18,108 --> 00:14:19,234
Now, Bob.
242
00:14:20,027 --> 00:14:22,070
I remember when....
243
00:14:22,237 --> 00:14:27,201
When Julie and, uh,
what's her name, Tricia...
244
00:14:27,367 --> 00:14:29,161
...were that age.
245
00:14:29,328 --> 00:14:34,249
If it wasn't about makeup or
Frankie Avalon, they didn't give a hoot.
246
00:14:35,375 --> 00:14:38,629
- Aw. You're the softest dog.
BOB: What should I do with them?
247
00:14:39,254 --> 00:14:41,131
I'll take care of it.
248
00:14:44,092 --> 00:14:46,136
How're you doing, young ladies?
249
00:14:46,303 --> 00:14:48,013
What are your names?
250
00:14:48,180 --> 00:14:50,807
I'm Betsy and this is Arlene,
Mr. President.
251
00:14:50,974 --> 00:14:52,476
Call me Dick.
252
00:14:52,643 --> 00:14:54,102
Hi, Dick.
253
00:14:54,269 --> 00:14:55,270
How old are you?
254
00:14:55,521 --> 00:14:56,813
- Fifteen.
- Fifteen.
255
00:14:56,980 --> 00:14:59,274
- Well--
- We have an urgent communiqué...
256
00:14:59,441 --> 00:15:01,109
...from Anderson Air Force Base.
257
00:15:01,276 --> 00:15:02,319
What?
258
00:15:02,486 --> 00:15:04,029
So cute.
259
00:15:04,196 --> 00:15:08,116
Excuse me, I wasn't informed
that you are in the middle of....
260
00:15:08,283 --> 00:15:10,244
What are you in the middle of?
261
00:15:10,410 --> 00:15:12,287
One minute, Henry.
262
00:15:12,496 --> 00:15:13,830
Uh, young ladies...
263
00:15:14,748 --> 00:15:17,167
...I've got a proposition for you.
264
00:15:18,001 --> 00:15:20,379
How would you two
be interested in being...
265
00:15:20,629 --> 00:15:24,550
...official White House dog walkers?
What do you think?
266
00:15:24,716 --> 00:15:26,426
[GASP]
267
00:15:26,635 --> 00:15:28,845
- Really?
- Yeah.
268
00:15:29,304 --> 00:15:30,681
Jesus.
269
00:15:30,847 --> 00:15:32,808
Who are these little girls, Henry?
270
00:15:32,975 --> 00:15:35,561
I don't know, but it doesn't
look constitutional to me.
271
00:15:35,727 --> 00:15:36,770
Thank you!
272
00:15:36,937 --> 00:15:39,439
- Thank you so much.
- We're gonna walk you!
273
00:15:39,731 --> 00:15:42,484
- I'm so happy.
- Thank you. I'm really excited!
274
00:15:42,651 --> 00:15:44,319
Sure. Very good.
275
00:15:44,486 --> 00:15:47,531
Mr. President, really,
we have to make a decision...
276
00:15:47,781 --> 00:15:51,326
...regarding offensive action
north of the 22nd parallel.
277
00:15:51,493 --> 00:15:53,245
Bottom line, Henry...
278
00:15:53,412 --> 00:15:56,248
...is we bomb them
or we don't, isn't it?
279
00:15:56,415 --> 00:15:58,250
I wouldn't put it exactly in that--
280
00:15:58,875 --> 00:16:00,168
I have something to say.
281
00:16:00,335 --> 00:16:01,378
Go on, Arlene.
282
00:16:03,088 --> 00:16:07,092
War is not healthy for children
and other living things.
283
00:16:07,259 --> 00:16:08,885
- Yeah.
- Henry...
284
00:16:09,052 --> 00:16:11,597
...that's the voice
of the youth of America.
285
00:16:12,347 --> 00:16:14,099
Yeah, well, first of all...
286
00:16:14,266 --> 00:16:17,060
...it wasn't a war
that this administration started.
287
00:16:17,603 --> 00:16:20,105
Henry, Jesus, let's not start that.
288
00:16:20,355 --> 00:16:22,733
Isn't there somebody
waiting out there for me?
289
00:16:22,899 --> 00:16:24,693
The Joint Chiefs of Staff.
Let's go!
290
00:16:24,860 --> 00:16:27,446
Welcome on board.
Hey, good to have you.
291
00:16:27,613 --> 00:16:28,614
[CHATTERING]
292
00:16:28,780 --> 00:16:30,115
Mr. Haldeman, it's your wife.
293
00:16:30,282 --> 00:16:32,534
Have a great day. Congratulations!
294
00:16:32,701 --> 00:16:34,703
I don't have time to talk to her.
295
00:16:34,953 --> 00:16:38,373
- You're starting another war!
- I don't have time to talk to her.
296
00:16:38,540 --> 00:16:41,668
If you have a problem with Vietnam,
talk to Johnson.
297
00:16:41,835 --> 00:16:44,046
DICK: He's dead!
BOB: Yeah, thank God.
298
00:16:44,212 --> 00:16:47,716
DICK: Do we bomb or not bomb?
Let's get this done with today.
299
00:16:49,259 --> 00:16:50,510
Wow.
300
00:16:55,390 --> 00:16:57,017
There they are.
301
00:16:58,685 --> 00:17:00,437
Oh! Whoops!
302
00:17:01,396 --> 00:17:02,522
I'm sorry!
303
00:17:02,773 --> 00:17:04,566
We're coming!
304
00:17:05,942 --> 00:17:08,278
Because of your thoughtlessness...
305
00:17:08,445 --> 00:17:11,490
...we have missed the field trip lunch
at McDonald's...
306
00:17:11,657 --> 00:17:15,410
...which the students on
the other buses are now enjoying.
307
00:17:15,577 --> 00:17:17,454
We will return to school...
308
00:17:17,621 --> 00:17:19,748
...for a cold lunch...
309
00:17:20,374 --> 00:17:21,583
...in the cafeteria.
310
00:17:22,417 --> 00:17:25,420
But we really did meet the president.
I swear to God.
311
00:17:25,587 --> 00:17:29,132
And he did ask us to be the
official White House dog walkers.
312
00:17:32,094 --> 00:17:34,388
Every lie is another brick...
313
00:17:34,554 --> 00:17:37,641
...in the pathway to hell.
314
00:17:37,849 --> 00:17:38,850
[♪♪♪]
315
00:17:51,405 --> 00:17:52,989
GIRL:
You're so stupid.
316
00:17:54,032 --> 00:17:55,450
BOY:
I hate you.
317
00:18:01,873 --> 00:18:03,875
[♪♪♪]
318
00:18:31,611 --> 00:18:33,155
[BOTH GIGGLING]
319
00:18:38,201 --> 00:18:40,495
Guess what happened to us today?
320
00:18:44,499 --> 00:18:45,834
What's the matter?
321
00:18:46,001 --> 00:18:48,503
Your brother got his letter.
322
00:18:49,588 --> 00:18:51,506
I got drafted.
323
00:18:52,007 --> 00:18:55,218
Now you can get my room,
like you always wanted.
324
00:18:58,388 --> 00:19:00,098
[SOBBING]
325
00:19:06,521 --> 00:19:08,273
Betsy, are you okay?
326
00:19:11,610 --> 00:19:12,861
I'm fine.
327
00:19:13,862 --> 00:19:18,033
I was wondering what we'll do with
his crappy bed, dresser and nightstand.
328
00:19:20,535 --> 00:19:24,039
You think the president meant it
when he said we could walk Checkers?
329
00:19:24,289 --> 00:19:27,209
He's the president, Betsy.
He always means what he says.
330
00:19:27,459 --> 00:19:29,211
We should bake him cookies.
331
00:19:29,544 --> 00:19:32,631
Let's make Hello Dollies.
It's my mom's special recipe.
332
00:19:39,429 --> 00:19:43,141
All's my mom says is that my dad died
in a car crash before I was born.
333
00:19:43,433 --> 00:19:45,894
You've never seen
a single picture or anything?
334
00:19:46,144 --> 00:19:49,564
She said it upset her too much,
so she threw everything away.
335
00:19:50,232 --> 00:19:51,274
Arlene...
336
00:19:51,441 --> 00:19:54,444
...no offense, but it's obvious
you're being lied to.
337
00:19:54,611 --> 00:19:56,780
The whole story is way too convenient.
338
00:19:59,574 --> 00:20:01,243
- Is the butter melting?
- Mm-hm.
339
00:20:03,161 --> 00:20:04,830
Are you making those cookies?
340
00:20:05,080 --> 00:20:06,706
Yes, but you can't have any.
341
00:20:06,873 --> 00:20:09,334
- They're for the president.
- Oh.
342
00:20:10,252 --> 00:20:11,628
Okay.
343
00:20:11,795 --> 00:20:14,548
Don't forget the walnuts, man.
344
00:20:20,262 --> 00:20:23,014
So you really think
that my father could be alive?
345
00:20:23,181 --> 00:20:26,142
Alive and famous.
It makes perfect sense.
346
00:20:26,309 --> 00:20:27,686
He was probably married...
347
00:20:27,853 --> 00:20:31,481
...and your mom had to keep it
a secret to protect his reputation.
348
00:20:34,943 --> 00:20:37,529
How come there's little
green leaves in the walnuts?
349
00:20:37,696 --> 00:20:39,739
Oh. Larry says they're just
from the walnut tree.
350
00:20:39,906 --> 00:20:41,575
- Oh.
- Anyway...
351
00:20:41,741 --> 00:20:45,120
...your dad could be watching you now,
his heart breaking...
352
00:20:45,287 --> 00:20:49,499
...because he can't reach out
to the only person that matters to him:
353
00:20:49,666 --> 00:20:51,793
His beautiful, darling daughter.
354
00:20:51,960 --> 00:20:54,296
My life is so tragic.
355
00:20:54,713 --> 00:20:56,965
Or it could be even worse.
356
00:20:57,132 --> 00:20:59,843
What if you fall in love
and are about to marry...
357
00:21:00,093 --> 00:21:02,596
...and you find out your
fiancé's dad is your dad too...
358
00:21:02,762 --> 00:21:04,556
...and that you're brother and sister!
359
00:21:04,723 --> 00:21:05,974
Oh, my God!
360
00:21:07,017 --> 00:21:08,894
It's called incest, Arlene...
361
00:21:09,519 --> 00:21:11,354
...and it's against the law.
362
00:21:21,072 --> 00:21:22,407
Hi.
363
00:21:23,491 --> 00:21:26,745
We're here to play with Checkers.
The president knows about it.
364
00:21:26,912 --> 00:21:29,664
You're not on the appointment list.
Please step back.
365
00:21:30,790 --> 00:21:33,960
The president wants us
to walk his dog, Checkers.
366
00:21:34,586 --> 00:21:38,131
Please step back.
If you don't comply, you'll be removed.
367
00:21:41,217 --> 00:21:42,928
You are a meanie!
368
00:21:47,390 --> 00:21:48,600
Stupid kids.
369
00:21:49,851 --> 00:21:51,770
I'm cuckoo for Cocoa Puffs!
370
00:21:52,562 --> 00:21:55,523
I can't believe
I ate that whole thing.
371
00:21:55,690 --> 00:21:57,025
You ate it, Ralph.
372
00:22:00,695 --> 00:22:05,075
Doesn't anybody realize
that Kung Fu isn't Chinese?
373
00:22:06,451 --> 00:22:09,829
He doesn't even look Chinese.
He looks like the mailman.
374
00:22:10,789 --> 00:22:13,583
Why don't you go to Canada
like Mom says?
375
00:22:13,750 --> 00:22:17,712
Too much information's coming in.
I have to maintain.
376
00:22:18,171 --> 00:22:20,048
But the old drugs aren't working.
377
00:22:20,215 --> 00:22:22,842
We need to create new drugs.
378
00:22:25,762 --> 00:22:28,264
Have you guys
been eating those cookies?
379
00:22:28,431 --> 00:22:30,558
We gave them
to Mom and Dad to taste.
380
00:22:30,725 --> 00:22:33,937
They ate all of them
and started giggling and went upstairs.
381
00:22:34,104 --> 00:22:35,772
I think they're having sex now.
382
00:22:35,939 --> 00:22:37,065
[CHUCKLES]
383
00:22:37,232 --> 00:22:43,405
♪ Louie, Louie, Louie, Louie
Louie, Louie, Louie, Louie... ♪
384
00:22:43,613 --> 00:22:44,864
ARLENE:
I have an idea.
385
00:22:45,448 --> 00:22:46,449
What?
386
00:22:46,783 --> 00:22:49,035
Let's ask the president
to stop the war.
387
00:22:50,078 --> 00:22:51,746
Okay.
388
00:22:51,913 --> 00:22:53,873
How will we get
into the White House?
389
00:22:54,040 --> 00:22:57,544
Unless you wanna keep the war going,
so you can have Larry's room.
390
00:22:58,628 --> 00:23:00,005
No.
391
00:23:00,922 --> 00:23:03,091
Larry's a freak and all...
392
00:23:03,550 --> 00:23:06,344
...but I'd be sad if he, you know....
393
00:23:08,179 --> 00:23:10,390
- Died?
- Yeah.
394
00:23:12,225 --> 00:23:14,019
I really hope that this works.
395
00:23:14,310 --> 00:23:15,311
Of course it will.
396
00:23:15,478 --> 00:23:17,689
You're the smartest person I know.
397
00:23:19,441 --> 00:23:20,859
But you don't know anybody.
398
00:23:24,863 --> 00:23:27,907
♪ Louie, Louie, Louie, Louie ♪
399
00:23:29,034 --> 00:23:32,996
♪ Louie, Louie, I gotta go ♪♪
400
00:23:34,456 --> 00:23:35,707
If you flirt with him...
401
00:23:35,874 --> 00:23:39,002
...then I can stand off to the side
and do my special whistle.
402
00:23:39,169 --> 00:23:40,378
Okay!
403
00:23:40,587 --> 00:23:41,588
[♪♪♪]
404
00:23:57,812 --> 00:23:58,813
Hi.
405
00:24:02,817 --> 00:24:05,779
I like your hair.
It's really "dry look."
406
00:24:07,280 --> 00:24:09,074
[HIGH-PITCHED WHISTLE]
407
00:24:09,574 --> 00:24:11,534
Oh! Okay, stop that.
408
00:24:11,701 --> 00:24:13,787
We have to talk to the president.
409
00:24:13,953 --> 00:24:15,497
Code yellow, central corridor.
410
00:24:15,663 --> 00:24:17,999
Code yellow, central corridor.
411
00:24:18,166 --> 00:24:19,834
Aah! Oh, my God!
412
00:24:20,668 --> 00:24:21,920
Ladies, this way.
413
00:24:23,338 --> 00:24:24,506
Let's go.
414
00:24:25,840 --> 00:24:28,551
Make sure photographers
are outside the restaurant...
415
00:24:28,718 --> 00:24:30,303
...when I come out after lunch.
416
00:24:30,470 --> 00:24:32,555
- Let me go.
- Keep moving.
417
00:24:32,722 --> 00:24:34,682
Hey, German guy!
Remember us?
418
00:24:34,849 --> 00:24:37,769
We're here to walk Checkers
and talk to Dick about the war!
419
00:24:37,936 --> 00:24:39,437
Oh. Oh.
420
00:24:39,854 --> 00:24:41,022
I know them.
421
00:24:41,314 --> 00:24:46,027
Yes, that's all right. That's okay.
I'm familiar with these young ladies.
422
00:24:46,194 --> 00:24:49,489
Well, I'm not "familiar" familiar.
I know them.
423
00:24:49,656 --> 00:24:53,076
We've had discussions
about foreign policy and....
424
00:24:53,326 --> 00:24:55,495
What, what?
Don't you give me that look.
425
00:24:55,995 --> 00:24:57,705
I'll take responsibility.
426
00:24:57,872 --> 00:25:00,041
I'll be the only person
who's willing...
427
00:25:00,208 --> 00:25:02,127
...to take responsibility
for anything.
428
00:25:02,293 --> 00:25:04,671
- I think I got bruised.
- Did somebody hurt you?
429
00:25:05,922 --> 00:25:08,967
You have to remember
it took Charles de Gaulle...
430
00:25:09,134 --> 00:25:12,262
...four years to extricate
himself from Algeria.
431
00:25:12,512 --> 00:25:14,806
Not that I'm comparing
myself to de Gaulle.
432
00:25:14,973 --> 00:25:17,642
- Wars are extremely hard to stop.
- You're right.
433
00:25:17,892 --> 00:25:20,562
Rose, these young--
You're very becoming this morning.
434
00:25:20,812 --> 00:25:22,689
These ladies want
to see the president.
435
00:25:22,897 --> 00:25:26,776
Our president has the weight
of the free world on his shoulders...
436
00:25:26,943 --> 00:25:29,612
...and he doesn't have time
to see any old person.
437
00:25:30,864 --> 00:25:31,906
Hello, girls.
438
00:25:32,073 --> 00:25:33,491
- How are you?
- Oh, hi.
439
00:25:33,658 --> 00:25:36,911
- Come on in.
- The president will see you now.
440
00:25:38,329 --> 00:25:40,415
Not you, Henry.
441
00:25:40,665 --> 00:25:43,751
That's all right.
I'm late for an interview anyway...
442
00:25:43,918 --> 00:25:46,963
- ...with the Nobel Committee.
- Right.
443
00:25:47,630 --> 00:25:49,340
I'll be a monkey's uncle...
444
00:25:49,591 --> 00:25:52,969
...if these aren't
the yummiest cookies I've ever had.
445
00:25:54,179 --> 00:25:57,223
Thanks. It's a secret recipe.
446
00:25:57,390 --> 00:25:58,391
Secret, eh?
447
00:25:58,641 --> 00:25:59,809
ARLENE:
Anyway...
448
00:26:00,685 --> 00:26:02,896
...there doesn't seem
to be any point to it.
449
00:26:03,438 --> 00:26:04,731
Point to what?
450
00:26:05,732 --> 00:26:06,774
The war.
451
00:26:10,820 --> 00:26:12,197
DICK:
See, girls...
452
00:26:12,989 --> 00:26:17,410
...we're fighting the Communists
because Communism is immoral.
453
00:26:17,577 --> 00:26:19,204
That's the whole point.
454
00:26:19,913 --> 00:26:22,749
Don't you think it's more important
what's going on here?
455
00:26:22,916 --> 00:26:23,958
What do you mean?
456
00:26:24,667 --> 00:26:26,628
Well, I mean...
457
00:26:26,794 --> 00:26:29,380
...nobody at our school's
worried about Communism...
458
00:26:29,547 --> 00:26:33,259
...but everybody talks about Mac
Washington because he got killed there.
459
00:26:33,509 --> 00:26:36,679
- And Betsy's brother just got drafted.
- He's maintaining.
460
00:26:36,846 --> 00:26:38,932
- He's maintaining?
- Yeah.
461
00:26:39,098 --> 00:26:40,475
Good for him.
462
00:26:41,517 --> 00:26:45,021
I just think people would like you better
if you stopped the war.
463
00:26:45,188 --> 00:26:48,942
Well, don't worry your
pretty little heads. Okay?
464
00:26:49,108 --> 00:26:51,152
I think we know what we're doing.
465
00:26:51,319 --> 00:26:52,862
[CHUCKLING]
466
00:26:53,363 --> 00:26:54,614
I guess so.
467
00:26:54,781 --> 00:26:57,617
Yeah. Mm, mm, mm.
468
00:26:59,494 --> 00:27:00,828
Can we walk Checkers now?
469
00:27:00,995 --> 00:27:02,997
Yeah, go ahead. Have a ball.
470
00:27:03,873 --> 00:27:05,333
Secret recipe, eh?
471
00:27:05,959 --> 00:27:08,002
I'm feeling lightheaded.
472
00:27:09,045 --> 00:27:11,047
These are scrumptious.
473
00:27:11,214 --> 00:27:14,592
Well, I've gotta tell you,
I haven't felt this way in--
474
00:27:19,097 --> 00:27:20,223
Whoa-ho.
475
00:27:20,390 --> 00:27:22,058
[ALL LAUGHING]
476
00:27:23,017 --> 00:27:24,227
Whoo-hoo!
477
00:27:27,981 --> 00:27:30,441
Again? They must never let him out.
478
00:27:30,692 --> 00:27:32,652
I know. Would you look
at all that shit?
479
00:27:32,819 --> 00:27:33,903
[BOTH GASP]
480
00:27:34,070 --> 00:27:35,571
Oh, I mean, poo-poo.
481
00:27:38,032 --> 00:27:40,118
I think it was left.
482
00:27:42,036 --> 00:27:44,539
That's because you couldn't go right.
483
00:27:49,502 --> 00:27:51,045
Well, let's ask someone.
484
00:27:54,132 --> 00:27:55,341
Or not.
485
00:27:56,050 --> 00:27:59,053
Come on.
Let's go, Checkers. Come on.
486
00:28:04,058 --> 00:28:05,476
Who the hell are you?
487
00:28:05,643 --> 00:28:06,853
Oh, um....
488
00:28:07,020 --> 00:28:10,940
We're walking the dog, Checkers,
and we sort of got lost.
489
00:28:11,107 --> 00:28:13,109
We went left because
you couldn't go right.
490
00:28:13,359 --> 00:28:16,029
And we're looking
for the president's office...
491
00:28:16,195 --> 00:28:18,906
...because that's who
we walk the dog for.
492
00:28:19,073 --> 00:28:21,367
- We're really sorry.
- Shit!
493
00:28:22,160 --> 00:28:23,453
[BOTH SCREAM]
494
00:28:26,164 --> 00:28:27,290
[CHECKERS BARKS]
495
00:28:27,457 --> 00:28:30,251
Oh, I'm so sorry.
We brought your dog back.
496
00:28:30,418 --> 00:28:31,586
We didn't know!
497
00:28:31,753 --> 00:28:33,504
What in bejesus is going on?
498
00:28:33,671 --> 00:28:36,215
[BOTH CHATTERING]
499
00:28:39,802 --> 00:28:41,220
ROSE:
All right, settle down.
500
00:28:41,387 --> 00:28:43,097
What's going on, Bob?
501
00:28:43,264 --> 00:28:45,099
They walked in on the shredding.
502
00:28:46,100 --> 00:28:48,644
They actually saw
documents being shredded?
503
00:28:48,811 --> 00:28:49,937
Yes.
504
00:28:50,104 --> 00:28:52,398
And the cash for the payoffs.
505
00:28:53,941 --> 00:28:55,943
Checkers pooped.
506
00:28:56,903 --> 00:29:00,698
The president's dog doesn't poop.
He "does his business."
507
00:29:00,865 --> 00:29:02,325
- Um....
- Uh....
508
00:29:02,533 --> 00:29:04,077
I'll take care of it.
509
00:29:04,243 --> 00:29:07,622
I've got a way with young people.
They trust me.
510
00:29:08,539 --> 00:29:10,958
Why were they shredding
all that paper?
511
00:29:11,834 --> 00:29:15,046
Papier-mâché is a hobby of mine.
512
00:29:16,130 --> 00:29:18,466
- Nice painting of a boat.
- Yeah.
513
00:29:18,633 --> 00:29:20,259
Step right here, actually.
514
00:29:21,511 --> 00:29:24,931
I want to have a little
private chat with you.
515
00:29:25,139 --> 00:29:26,182
You know, today...
516
00:29:26,349 --> 00:29:31,145
...you ladies gave me some very, very
good counsel in foreign affairs.
517
00:29:31,396 --> 00:29:36,192
So in addition to being
official dog walkers...
518
00:29:36,442 --> 00:29:40,154
...I'd like you to be
my Secret Youth Advisers.
519
00:29:40,488 --> 00:29:43,116
Which means you mustn't
say a thing...
520
00:29:43,282 --> 00:29:46,369
...about anything that happens
in the White House.
521
00:29:46,619 --> 00:29:48,454
Do I have your word on that?
522
00:29:48,621 --> 00:29:49,997
Okay. Okay.
523
00:29:50,164 --> 00:29:51,666
Swear to God?
524
00:29:52,166 --> 00:29:53,292
- Promise.
- Hope to die?
525
00:29:53,459 --> 00:29:55,962
- Stick a needle in my eye!
- Stick a needle in my eye!
526
00:29:57,171 --> 00:29:58,881
Congratulations.
527
00:30:04,387 --> 00:30:06,764
Are you sure, man?
Are we sure it's over?
528
00:30:07,014 --> 00:30:08,057
Honey...
529
00:30:08,224 --> 00:30:12,145
...it's the president.
He's on national TV.
530
00:30:12,311 --> 00:30:16,524
If he says the war is over,
I think you can believe him.
531
00:30:18,025 --> 00:30:19,068
Sweetie.
532
00:30:19,318 --> 00:30:22,280
At 12:30 Paris-time today...
533
00:30:22,530 --> 00:30:26,033
...January 23, 1973....
534
00:30:27,118 --> 00:30:28,619
What's going on?
535
00:30:30,413 --> 00:30:32,206
I'm gonna live.
536
00:30:32,415 --> 00:30:35,460
They're pulling everybody out
of Vietnam. The war's over.
537
00:30:36,002 --> 00:30:38,171
I don't believe it.
538
00:30:38,963 --> 00:30:40,089
She's bumming...
539
00:30:40,256 --> 00:30:43,801
...because her dreams
of being an only child are dashed.
540
00:30:44,093 --> 00:30:45,887
KAY:
Larry, stop it.
541
00:30:47,305 --> 00:30:49,098
I'm not supposed to tell you this.
542
00:30:49,807 --> 00:30:53,603
But Arlene and I are the ones who asked
the president to stop the war.
543
00:30:54,270 --> 00:30:56,564
We did it because
we felt sorry for you.
544
00:30:57,440 --> 00:30:59,150
You should be thanking me.
545
00:31:01,194 --> 00:31:03,321
I just want you to know...
546
00:31:03,571 --> 00:31:06,282
...whatever she's on,
I didn't give it to her.
547
00:31:08,868 --> 00:31:11,537
Well, all right.
Grooving right along.
548
00:31:11,787 --> 00:31:15,625
Betsy Jobs, your turn
to come on up and express yourself.
549
00:31:23,716 --> 00:31:25,301
Current events.
550
00:31:27,720 --> 00:31:31,933
I probably shouldn't be telling you this
because of national security...
551
00:31:32,099 --> 00:31:34,352
...but what the heck.
552
00:31:34,727 --> 00:31:37,188
Arlene Lorenzo and I...
553
00:31:37,647 --> 00:31:40,399
...are Secret Youth Advisers
for President Nixon.
554
00:31:40,983 --> 00:31:44,195
"--in addition to being the
official White House dog walkers.
555
00:31:44,362 --> 00:31:47,073
It's fun being
a Secret Youth Adviser.
556
00:31:47,240 --> 00:31:49,992
The president trusts us
with national issues."
557
00:31:50,159 --> 00:31:52,662
We bake him cookies
called Hello Dollies...
558
00:31:52,828 --> 00:31:55,039
...that he loves,
and are easy to make.
559
00:31:55,331 --> 00:31:59,043
You get graham cracker crumbs,
sweetened condensed milk...
560
00:31:59,335 --> 00:32:01,837
...and all this other stuff,
and you bake them.
561
00:32:02,088 --> 00:32:04,173
But they're really good.
562
00:32:04,340 --> 00:32:07,260
"I like being a Secret Youth Adviser
to the resident...
563
00:32:07,426 --> 00:32:10,930
...because it means I am helping
to run the country. The end."
564
00:32:13,349 --> 00:32:15,768
How dare you...
565
00:32:16,227 --> 00:32:18,437
...come up in front of the class...
566
00:32:18,980 --> 00:32:22,358
...and make up lies
about our president?
567
00:32:22,692 --> 00:32:25,403
Absolutely wild.
568
00:32:26,112 --> 00:32:30,491
And I really dug the way
you used fantasy...
569
00:32:30,741 --> 00:32:31,826
...current events...
570
00:32:31,993 --> 00:32:36,455
...and cooking in a kind
of tapestry of storytelling.
571
00:32:37,039 --> 00:32:38,249
Thank you, Betsy.
572
00:32:38,416 --> 00:32:41,377
That was real special.
Thank you. Give her a hand.
573
00:32:41,669 --> 00:32:43,170
Thank you. Thanks.
574
00:32:43,379 --> 00:32:44,380
[♪♪♪]
575
00:32:45,506 --> 00:32:47,216
- Hi.
- Hi.
576
00:32:49,385 --> 00:32:50,845
Got the cookies?
577
00:32:51,470 --> 00:32:52,680
Uh-huh.
578
00:32:55,141 --> 00:32:56,350
- Yeah.
- Oh, yeah.
579
00:33:00,479 --> 00:33:02,148
[GIGGLING]
580
00:33:03,524 --> 00:33:06,110
- I've been dreaming about these.
BETSY: Whoa, whoa, whoa.
581
00:33:08,821 --> 00:33:10,823
- Bye.
- Bye.
582
00:33:10,990 --> 00:33:12,033
What's that mean?
583
00:33:13,075 --> 00:33:14,118
Peace.
584
00:33:14,285 --> 00:33:15,953
Oh. Good.
585
00:33:16,412 --> 00:33:17,955
I mean, uh...
586
00:33:18,289 --> 00:33:19,582
...groovy.
587
00:33:20,124 --> 00:33:22,001
- Bye.
- Bye.
588
00:33:22,418 --> 00:33:23,544
Come on, Checkers.
589
00:33:23,753 --> 00:33:25,963
[PATTI LABELLE'S
"LADY MARMALADE" PLAYING]
590
00:34:36,575 --> 00:34:39,203
There's something different about you.
591
00:34:39,912 --> 00:34:41,872
Why aren't you wearing your glasses?
592
00:34:42,123 --> 00:34:44,083
Because I got contact lenses.
593
00:34:44,917 --> 00:34:46,335
[BOTH GIGGLING]
594
00:34:49,505 --> 00:34:52,133
- Looks cool!
- Okay. Thanks!
595
00:34:52,967 --> 00:34:53,968
Hi, Rose.
596
00:34:54,135 --> 00:34:56,846
It is imperative
that we put a freeze...
597
00:34:57,012 --> 00:34:59,682
...on nuclear weapons
of mass destruction.
598
00:34:59,849 --> 00:35:02,059
[SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN]
599
00:35:02,226 --> 00:35:05,312
Yeah, I know what nyet nyet means.
600
00:35:06,021 --> 00:35:08,065
Excuse me a moment, Leonid.
601
00:35:08,274 --> 00:35:10,276
[CHECKERS WHINING]
602
00:35:10,735 --> 00:35:13,028
Settle down, Checkers.
603
00:35:13,696 --> 00:35:15,531
Hello, girls. How are you?
604
00:35:15,781 --> 00:35:17,742
Are these what I think they are?
605
00:35:19,618 --> 00:35:20,661
Nice to see you.
606
00:35:21,370 --> 00:35:22,496
Leonid.
607
00:35:22,663 --> 00:35:25,583
You gotta try one of these cookies.
608
00:35:25,833 --> 00:35:30,504
I assure you, there's nothing
like them in all the Soviet Union.
609
00:35:31,255 --> 00:35:32,548
Go ahead.
610
00:35:35,509 --> 00:35:37,678
They're called Hello Dollies.
611
00:35:39,597 --> 00:35:41,140
[DICK CHUCKLES]
612
00:35:43,934 --> 00:35:45,060
What are they?
613
00:35:46,687 --> 00:35:48,564
What do you think, Leonid?
614
00:35:49,690 --> 00:35:51,025
[CHUCKLES]
615
00:35:51,567 --> 00:35:53,235
Hello Dollies, eh?
616
00:35:53,402 --> 00:35:55,154
[LAUGHING]
617
00:35:57,823 --> 00:36:00,367
[SINGING]
♪ Hello, Dolly ♪
618
00:36:00,576 --> 00:36:03,579
♪ Well, Hello, Dolly ♪
619
00:36:03,746 --> 00:36:08,375
♪ It's so nice to have you back
Where you belong ♪
620
00:36:08,959 --> 00:36:10,419
[SPEAKS IN RUSSIAN]
621
00:36:10,586 --> 00:36:11,754
Sing something.
622
00:36:12,046 --> 00:36:15,925
♪ You're looking swell, Dolly
I can tell, Dolly ♪
623
00:36:16,842 --> 00:36:21,013
♪ You're still glowing
You're still growing ♪
624
00:36:21,263 --> 00:36:24,183
♪ You're still going strong ♪
625
00:36:24,350 --> 00:36:25,726
[ALL SINGING]
626
00:36:25,893 --> 00:36:27,770
[BOTH CHUCKLING]
627
00:36:28,395 --> 00:36:29,438
You know, girls...
628
00:36:29,605 --> 00:36:32,483
...I think your cookies
have just saved the world...
629
00:36:32,650 --> 00:36:34,944
...from nuclear catastrophe.
630
00:36:35,444 --> 00:36:36,445
Ha!
631
00:36:36,612 --> 00:36:38,239
[SINGING CONTINUES]
632
00:36:38,447 --> 00:36:40,741
There you go, Leonid.
Hello, Dolly.
633
00:36:41,325 --> 00:36:44,620
♪ Golly gee, fellas ♪
634
00:36:45,162 --> 00:36:48,374
♪ I'll have another of those ♪
635
00:36:48,999 --> 00:36:51,335
[SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN]
636
00:36:58,801 --> 00:37:01,011
[♪♪♪]
637
00:37:32,418 --> 00:37:33,878
Arlene.
638
00:37:34,503 --> 00:37:36,672
Come away with me.
639
00:37:37,339 --> 00:37:39,133
But what about Pat?
640
00:37:39,300 --> 00:37:41,343
She understands.
641
00:37:41,510 --> 00:37:43,512
[♪♪♪]
642
00:38:15,336 --> 00:38:17,379
[INAUDIBLE DIALOGUE]
643
00:38:51,372 --> 00:38:52,581
[♪♪♪]
644
00:38:59,588 --> 00:39:06,512
♪ I can't stop this feeling
Deep inside of me ♪
645
00:39:07,805 --> 00:39:13,018
♪ Girl, you don't realize
What you do to me ♪
646
00:39:13,185 --> 00:39:14,478
Arlene, watch out!
647
00:39:16,647 --> 00:39:18,315
[GRUNTS]
648
00:39:18,774 --> 00:39:20,985
- Oh, my God! Are you all right?
- Uh-huh.
649
00:39:21,276 --> 00:39:23,737
Quick, tell me what your name is!
650
00:39:24,530 --> 00:39:26,281
Rhoda Morgenstern.
651
00:39:28,784 --> 00:39:30,828
I am so embarrassed.
652
00:39:31,620 --> 00:39:34,456
- I don't think anyone saw.
BOY: Freak!
653
00:39:45,134 --> 00:39:47,511
Has something been
on your mind lately?
654
00:39:48,137 --> 00:39:49,388
No.
655
00:39:50,347 --> 00:39:52,349
There isn't some deep feeling...
656
00:39:52,599 --> 00:39:55,352
...you need to confess
to your best and only friend?
657
00:39:55,519 --> 00:39:56,812
What are you talking about?
658
00:39:57,021 --> 00:39:58,772
- Just say it!
- Say what?
659
00:39:58,939 --> 00:40:00,816
Just say it, because I already know!
660
00:40:01,025 --> 00:40:03,193
All right, I love Dick!
661
00:40:03,360 --> 00:40:05,279
[ALL LAUGHING]
662
00:40:07,072 --> 00:40:08,282
GIRL:
Ew!
663
00:40:12,077 --> 00:40:15,831
ARLENE: This is everything about
him and us since we first met.
664
00:40:16,915 --> 00:40:20,169
Okay. Here's me as his wife.
665
00:40:20,335 --> 00:40:22,838
- It looks so real.
- Thank you.
666
00:40:25,049 --> 00:40:28,135
- This is cartoon Dick.
- It's cute. I like that one.
667
00:40:29,094 --> 00:40:31,430
This is our White House souvenir.
668
00:40:32,389 --> 00:40:34,808
Oh. Look, I found these
old magazine clippings...
669
00:40:34,975 --> 00:40:37,311
...with stuff about him
when he was young.
670
00:40:37,561 --> 00:40:38,854
Look.
671
00:40:39,646 --> 00:40:41,982
He's way more distinguished now.
672
00:40:42,149 --> 00:40:43,817
- Yeah.
- Yeah.
673
00:40:43,984 --> 00:40:47,988
A jury today convicted
G. Gordon Liddy and James McCord...
674
00:40:48,155 --> 00:40:51,533
...of eight counts, including burglary,
in the Watergate break-in.
675
00:40:51,700 --> 00:40:55,287
Ugh. Enough already.
I am sick of Watergate.
676
00:40:55,537 --> 00:40:57,581
And I am sick
of Woodward and Bernstein.
677
00:40:58,791 --> 00:40:59,833
Who are they?
678
00:41:00,000 --> 00:41:01,960
Snot-nosed Washington Post reporters...
679
00:41:02,127 --> 00:41:04,338
...who are trying
to disgrace the president.
680
00:41:04,505 --> 00:41:06,048
Anybody want some more Jell-O?
681
00:41:06,423 --> 00:41:07,591
Yes, please. Here.
682
00:41:08,133 --> 00:41:09,176
Betsy, look.
683
00:41:09,343 --> 00:41:11,470
MALE REPORTER:
One more question, Mr. Liddy.
684
00:41:11,637 --> 00:41:15,641
- The White House denied involvement.
BETSY: He's so familiar.
685
00:41:15,808 --> 00:41:16,725
[GASPS]
686
00:41:16,934 --> 00:41:18,268
It's that weird guy!
687
00:41:18,894 --> 00:41:21,688
- What was he doing at the White House?
- I don't know.
688
00:41:23,315 --> 00:41:24,817
Done! We're going upstairs.
689
00:41:25,317 --> 00:41:28,028
FEMALE REPORTER: A spokesman
for the Administration once again...
690
00:41:28,195 --> 00:41:31,573
...denied any participation
in the Watergate burglary.
691
00:41:31,740 --> 00:41:35,369
President Nixon is said to be
in seclusion with advisers.
692
00:41:37,913 --> 00:41:39,498
It's starting.
693
00:41:44,336 --> 00:41:45,420
[RINGING]
694
00:41:45,587 --> 00:41:47,089
Goddamn it!
695
00:41:49,216 --> 00:41:51,760
- Hello?
- Hello.
696
00:41:51,927 --> 00:41:53,595
Mr. President, this is Arlene.
697
00:41:53,762 --> 00:41:54,805
Oh.
698
00:41:55,430 --> 00:41:56,765
Yeah. Hello, Arlene. Yeah.
699
00:41:56,932 --> 00:41:58,934
- I'm not waking you, am I?
- No, no. No, no.
700
00:41:59,143 --> 00:42:01,186
- Uh, I'm a night owl.
- Oh.
701
00:42:01,645 --> 00:42:03,772
What's the deal with
that Watergate thing?
702
00:42:03,939 --> 00:42:06,358
- Do you know anything about it?
- Uh....
703
00:42:06,567 --> 00:42:08,527
No. No, no.
704
00:42:08,694 --> 00:42:12,030
No, no, absolutely nothing.
I don't know a thing.
705
00:42:12,322 --> 00:42:14,158
No way, José!
706
00:42:14,324 --> 00:42:16,243
Oh, because I live in the Watergate...
707
00:42:16,410 --> 00:42:19,913
...and one time we saw
that Liddy guy there...
708
00:42:20,080 --> 00:42:24,209
...then we saw him at the White House,
and now he's gonna go to jail.
709
00:42:26,628 --> 00:42:30,424
Arlene, is there something
I can do for you...
710
00:42:30,591 --> 00:42:32,176
...or your family?
711
00:42:32,426 --> 00:42:33,427
No.
712
00:42:33,594 --> 00:42:36,555
There must be something you desire.
713
00:42:38,974 --> 00:42:40,893
I have to go now. Good night.
714
00:42:41,393 --> 00:42:43,061
[SIGHS]
715
00:42:43,478 --> 00:42:45,189
My sweet prince.
716
00:42:45,355 --> 00:42:46,982
I think he's a vampire.
717
00:42:47,149 --> 00:42:49,985
Ha-ha-ha.
But he doesn't even have a tuxedo.
718
00:42:50,652 --> 00:42:53,238
Oh, Myrna, you are something.
719
00:42:53,488 --> 00:42:55,282
You are really something.
720
00:42:55,574 --> 00:42:57,367
[SNORING]
721
00:43:01,455 --> 00:43:04,124
Pat, will you stop snoring,
goddamn it!
722
00:43:04,374 --> 00:43:06,919
My head is about to explode!
723
00:43:09,004 --> 00:43:11,006
So you're the president's lawyer?
724
00:43:11,256 --> 00:43:12,758
Yes.
725
00:43:15,761 --> 00:43:18,013
Why does the president need
a lawyer?
726
00:43:19,097 --> 00:43:21,058
[SNICKERING]
727
00:43:21,642 --> 00:43:24,102
Good question. I, uh, just....
728
00:43:26,104 --> 00:43:27,147
I don't know.
729
00:43:31,568 --> 00:43:33,695
- It's you two.
DEAN: Mr. President.
730
00:43:33,862 --> 00:43:37,199
The Attorney General
is waiting upstairs, sir.
731
00:43:37,366 --> 00:43:38,533
Didn't I fire him?
732
00:43:38,700 --> 00:43:40,118
It's the new one, sir.
733
00:43:42,788 --> 00:43:44,122
Yeah.
734
00:43:51,380 --> 00:43:53,924
- We're here to walk Checkers.
- Oh, my goodness!
735
00:43:54,091 --> 00:43:58,845
I'm so busy that I sometimes forget
about the rest of God's creatures.
736
00:44:00,514 --> 00:44:04,142
- Here. I'll be back after lunch.
- Okay.
737
00:44:04,935 --> 00:44:06,353
Bye.
738
00:44:16,738 --> 00:44:18,115
Look.
739
00:44:18,365 --> 00:44:20,492
We should leave a message for Dick.
740
00:44:20,659 --> 00:44:22,077
Like what?
741
00:44:24,997 --> 00:44:26,581
Arlene...
742
00:44:27,708 --> 00:44:30,585
...I think it's time
you told him how you feel.
743
00:44:32,921 --> 00:44:34,006
I can't.
744
00:44:34,172 --> 00:44:37,384
Maybe he loves you too, but he
doesn't think you're interested.
745
00:44:41,138 --> 00:44:43,307
If you care for him at all...
746
00:44:43,724 --> 00:44:45,392
...you'll tell him.
747
00:44:48,979 --> 00:44:51,106
Okay, you just have to go first.
748
00:45:00,574 --> 00:45:02,034
Hi, Mr. President!
749
00:45:02,200 --> 00:45:04,077
This is Betsy and Arlene.
750
00:45:04,244 --> 00:45:08,623
We wanted to thank you for letting us
be your Secret Youth Advisers...
751
00:45:08,874 --> 00:45:12,127
...and for, um,
letting us walk Checkers...
752
00:45:12,294 --> 00:45:13,712
...and for....
753
00:45:16,256 --> 00:45:17,257
Well....
754
00:45:17,466 --> 00:45:20,052
I don't know what else for,
so here's Arlene.
755
00:45:20,218 --> 00:45:23,347
She has something
very personal to tell you.
756
00:45:25,766 --> 00:45:27,184
I love you.
757
00:45:27,809 --> 00:45:29,311
Um....
758
00:45:31,813 --> 00:45:35,150
I know that you have a lot
of things on your mind...
759
00:45:35,359 --> 00:45:38,070
...because you're
the president and all. Um....
760
00:45:40,197 --> 00:45:43,158
But I can't keep my feelings
inside any longer.
761
00:45:43,367 --> 00:45:45,494
I've never felt this way
about anyone...
762
00:45:45,744 --> 00:45:48,080
...not even Bobby Sherman,
who I adore...
763
00:45:48,246 --> 00:45:51,166
...but now I realize that
that was just puppy love...
764
00:45:51,708 --> 00:45:53,043
...and this is the real thing.
765
00:45:53,210 --> 00:45:55,087
Hey, Checkers. Hi, sweetie.
766
00:45:55,253 --> 00:45:59,091
I realize you're married and that
we can never really be together...
767
00:45:59,383 --> 00:46:00,717
...but I'll love you forever.
768
00:46:00,884 --> 00:46:02,386
Good boy.
769
00:46:03,970 --> 00:46:05,514
- [WHISPERS] Poo-poo.
- Um...
770
00:46:06,139 --> 00:46:08,767
...there's this song
by Olivia Newton-John...
771
00:46:09,184 --> 00:46:12,187
...that I think best describes
the way I feel about you.
772
00:46:13,563 --> 00:46:15,190
It goes like this:
773
00:46:16,983 --> 00:46:19,194
♪ I love you ♪
774
00:46:19,986 --> 00:46:22,280
♪ I honestly love you ♪
775
00:46:23,907 --> 00:46:26,743
♪ You don't have to answer ♪
776
00:46:27,202 --> 00:46:30,205
♪ I could see it in your eyes ♪
777
00:46:30,622 --> 00:46:33,083
♪ But it's coming from my heart ♪
778
00:46:33,250 --> 00:46:37,087
♪ And not my head ♪♪
779
00:46:37,379 --> 00:46:38,380
[♪♪♪]
780
00:46:38,547 --> 00:46:41,550
And then there was that time...
781
00:46:41,842 --> 00:46:44,219
...when you put your hand
on my shoulder...
782
00:46:44,761 --> 00:46:48,932
...and I got this warm,
tingly feeling inside.
783
00:46:49,349 --> 00:46:52,644
And I knew, right then,
at that moment--
784
00:46:52,894 --> 00:46:56,565
They'll be back soon.
You've been on for 18 and a half minutes.
785
00:46:56,731 --> 00:46:57,732
[BOTH GASP]
786
00:46:57,899 --> 00:47:00,819
Oh. I have to go now. Goodbye.
787
00:47:00,986 --> 00:47:03,155
I can't believe you were
talking that whole time.
788
00:47:03,321 --> 00:47:05,615
- What did you say?
- Heh.
789
00:47:05,991 --> 00:47:07,159
- Stuff.
- Oh. Ha-ha-ha.
790
00:47:07,325 --> 00:47:08,910
It's personal.
791
00:47:09,161 --> 00:47:10,829
I want to make sure it recorded.
792
00:47:13,999 --> 00:47:17,043
DICK [ON RECORDING]:
Hunt's link to Colson is a problem.
793
00:47:17,252 --> 00:47:18,837
I must've pushed fast-forward.
794
00:47:22,799 --> 00:47:26,052
We can arrange for Hunt
to disappear in Latin America.
795
00:47:26,261 --> 00:47:29,723
And we could always
un-disappear him if we want to.
796
00:47:34,019 --> 00:47:35,770
Get down off of me, Checkers.
797
00:47:35,937 --> 00:47:38,398
Get down off of me,
you piece of shit!
798
00:47:38,565 --> 00:47:40,901
[CHECKERS WHINES ON RECORDING,
THEN CHECKERS WHINES]
799
00:47:41,276 --> 00:47:45,780
So let me tell you something.
We are going to use any means.
800
00:47:50,494 --> 00:47:53,997
I just don't want this whole
fucking Watergate business...
801
00:47:54,247 --> 00:47:55,290
...biting me in the ass!
802
00:47:55,499 --> 00:47:58,376
You know the goddamn Jews
are out to get me!
803
00:48:03,924 --> 00:48:06,218
I don't think
the president of the U.S...
804
00:48:06,384 --> 00:48:09,304
...should be recording
conversations like that.
805
00:48:12,224 --> 00:48:13,225
[BOTH GASP]
806
00:48:13,725 --> 00:48:17,312
- Make it 8:30.
- Okay, Mr. President, will do.
807
00:48:17,687 --> 00:48:19,940
Ooh, girls. Uh...
808
00:48:20,190 --> 00:48:21,942
...did Checkers do his business?
809
00:48:22,275 --> 00:48:23,693
Uh-huh.
810
00:48:23,860 --> 00:48:25,612
- Excellent.
- Good, good.
811
00:48:25,862 --> 00:48:29,115
I hope you left me
some of those yummy cookies.
812
00:48:29,491 --> 00:48:30,825
Take care.
813
00:48:32,786 --> 00:48:34,329
We have to go.
814
00:48:35,664 --> 00:48:36,706
[CHECKERS BARKING]
815
00:48:36,873 --> 00:48:38,333
Oh, my stars!
816
00:48:38,750 --> 00:48:39,751
[♪♪♪]
817
00:48:39,918 --> 00:48:41,836
Arlene!
818
00:48:43,088 --> 00:48:45,048
Arlene!
819
00:48:53,056 --> 00:48:54,849
Sounds very important.
820
00:48:56,351 --> 00:48:57,727
BETSY:
It is.
821
00:48:59,354 --> 00:49:00,939
BOB:
Mr. President?
822
00:49:01,606 --> 00:49:02,691
What is it, Bob?
823
00:49:03,024 --> 00:49:05,569
I was wondering if you had
that package ready for me...
824
00:49:05,735 --> 00:49:07,696
...to take home over the weekend?
825
00:49:07,862 --> 00:49:11,157
Oh. Yeah, the musical tapes.
826
00:49:11,324 --> 00:49:12,450
Yeah.
827
00:49:13,201 --> 00:49:16,997
Bob and I are very big fans
of Guy Lombardo.
828
00:49:18,081 --> 00:49:19,916
I taped them myself.
829
00:49:20,333 --> 00:49:21,501
Let me know what you think.
830
00:49:21,668 --> 00:49:22,877
I will, sir.
831
00:49:27,591 --> 00:49:29,259
You were saying, Arlene?
832
00:49:31,052 --> 00:49:33,763
We don't think you've been
completely honest with us.
833
00:49:34,180 --> 00:49:38,184
If this is about
that Watergate nonsense...
834
00:49:38,518 --> 00:49:40,228
...let me say once again...
835
00:49:40,395 --> 00:49:42,939
...I had nothing to do with it, okay?
836
00:49:43,189 --> 00:49:46,735
It's a plot created
by my enemies to disgrace me!
837
00:49:46,901 --> 00:49:51,364
Those radical, muckraking bastards,
Woodward and Bernstein...
838
00:49:51,531 --> 00:49:52,907
...at the Washington Post!
839
00:49:53,074 --> 00:49:55,118
They're the liars here, you know!
840
00:49:55,410 --> 00:49:58,413
Always hiding behind
the goddamn First Amendment!
841
00:49:58,705 --> 00:50:00,332
Let me tell you something!
842
00:50:00,498 --> 00:50:03,627
It won't protect them from me!
843
00:50:06,212 --> 00:50:08,882
Actually, it was just about the dog.
844
00:50:09,215 --> 00:50:11,301
You act like you like him...
845
00:50:11,509 --> 00:50:13,261
...but we don't think you do.
846
00:50:14,596 --> 00:50:16,097
What dog?
847
00:50:18,808 --> 00:50:22,437
Now that you mention it,
people are talking about Watergate...
848
00:50:22,687 --> 00:50:24,147
...and they say you lied.
849
00:50:24,314 --> 00:50:26,441
And I'm Jewish.
850
00:50:26,775 --> 00:50:28,151
I know.
851
00:50:29,194 --> 00:50:30,779
I had you checked out.
852
00:50:33,490 --> 00:50:37,202
There's probably more in there
than you know about yourselves.
853
00:50:39,454 --> 00:50:41,122
- Even grades?
- Yeah.
854
00:50:41,289 --> 00:50:42,707
Grades...
855
00:50:43,208 --> 00:50:46,044
...your parents' income tax returns...
856
00:50:46,836 --> 00:50:49,547
...overdue library books.
857
00:50:49,714 --> 00:50:52,217
The whole kit and caboodle.
858
00:50:55,095 --> 00:50:57,472
Is there stuff
about my father in there?
859
00:50:59,099 --> 00:51:00,141
Who was he?
860
00:51:00,308 --> 00:51:04,312
A lady's shoe salesman
at Garfinkle's or some such place.
861
00:51:04,479 --> 00:51:07,524
Got hit by a garbage truck
at the age of 24.
862
00:51:08,483 --> 00:51:10,694
Your mom never said
it was a garbage truck.
863
00:51:10,860 --> 00:51:13,905
Strictly small time.
Never amounted to much.
864
00:51:18,243 --> 00:51:20,245
Well, at least he wasn't a liar.
865
00:51:21,621 --> 00:51:23,498
We heard that tape!
866
00:51:23,665 --> 00:51:25,959
- What'd you hear?
- You kick Checkers!
867
00:51:26,209 --> 00:51:29,337
And you're prejudiced,
and you have a potty mouth!
868
00:51:29,504 --> 00:51:31,798
You're a bad man!
869
00:51:31,965 --> 00:51:34,551
You stinking little idiots,
get out of here!
870
00:51:34,801 --> 00:51:37,011
And don't ever come back here again!
871
00:51:37,178 --> 00:51:38,930
[BETSY & ARLENE SHRIEKING]
872
00:51:39,139 --> 00:51:41,433
You don't mess with the big boys!
873
00:51:44,602 --> 00:51:45,812
Betsy. Arlene.
874
00:51:45,979 --> 00:51:47,021
Wait!
875
00:51:48,898 --> 00:51:51,359
I would like to apologize
for his actions.
876
00:51:51,526 --> 00:51:53,528
He's been under
a lot of stress lately.
877
00:51:53,695 --> 00:51:57,198
It's too late. We're not friends
with him anymore, period!
878
00:51:57,490 --> 00:52:00,577
And if you stay,
you're just as bad as he is.
879
00:52:06,249 --> 00:52:08,251
Oh.
880
00:52:09,544 --> 00:52:12,088
[PLAYING UPBEAT MUSIC]
881
00:52:12,255 --> 00:52:13,882
BETSY:
Arlene!
882
00:52:14,132 --> 00:52:15,842
Arlene!
883
00:52:18,344 --> 00:52:19,387
Wait!
884
00:52:20,430 --> 00:52:21,973
It's gonna be okay.
885
00:52:22,557 --> 00:52:24,142
I hate Dick!
886
00:52:26,561 --> 00:52:28,980
It was stupid of me
to fall in love with Dick.
887
00:52:29,230 --> 00:52:30,690
What was I thinking?
888
00:52:31,483 --> 00:52:33,943
Dick just disgusts me now.
889
00:52:34,944 --> 00:52:36,571
You know, Arlene...
890
00:52:37,822 --> 00:52:40,492
...Dick meant a lot to me too.
But I've been thinking...
891
00:52:40,658 --> 00:52:41,659
[BAND STOPS PLAYING]
892
00:52:41,826 --> 00:52:43,703
...you can't let Dick run your life!
893
00:52:46,456 --> 00:52:48,249
[♪♪♪]
894
00:52:48,416 --> 00:52:49,959
Do you mind?
895
00:52:50,585 --> 00:52:53,338
We're having a personal conversation.
896
00:52:55,256 --> 00:52:56,549
♪ Mr. Big Stuff ♪
897
00:52:58,134 --> 00:52:59,928
♪ Who do you think you are? ♪
898
00:53:00,094 --> 00:53:01,554
♪ Mr. Big Stuff ♪
899
00:53:03,097 --> 00:53:05,099
♪ You're never gonna get my love ♪
900
00:53:05,975 --> 00:53:07,811
♪ Now because you wear ♪
901
00:53:08,394 --> 00:53:10,772
- ♪ All those fancy clothes ♪
- ♪ Oh, oh, yeah ♪
902
00:53:11,105 --> 00:53:12,774
♪ And have a big fine car ♪
903
00:53:12,941 --> 00:53:14,859
♪ Oh, oh, oh
Yes, you do now ♪
904
00:53:15,443 --> 00:53:17,529
♪ Do you think I can afford ♪
905
00:53:18,071 --> 00:53:21,032
- ♪ To give you my love? ♪
- ♪ Oh, oh, yeah ♪
906
00:53:21,199 --> 00:53:24,828
♪ You think you're higher
Than every star above ♪
907
00:53:25,620 --> 00:53:27,038
♪ Mr. Big Stuff ♪
908
00:53:28,623 --> 00:53:30,583
♪ Who do you think you are? ♪
909
00:53:30,792 --> 00:53:32,252
♪ Mr. Big Stuff ♪♪
910
00:53:33,837 --> 00:53:35,463
[DOOR CLOSES]
911
00:53:38,508 --> 00:53:39,592
What happened?
912
00:53:39,759 --> 00:53:43,012
Larry wasn't at Jake's house.
Larry was at a porno movie.
913
00:53:43,179 --> 00:53:44,222
ARLENE:
Ooh....
914
00:53:44,806 --> 00:53:47,183
- Hi, Daddy!
- Hi.
915
00:53:48,184 --> 00:53:49,561
Hi, girls.
916
00:53:49,727 --> 00:53:52,355
[SOFTLY] Would you mind
going upstairs for just a minute?
917
00:53:52,522 --> 00:53:54,524
[♪♪♪]
918
00:53:55,650 --> 00:53:58,444
I don't understand
the title of that porno movie.
919
00:54:03,867 --> 00:54:05,493
[WHISPERING]
"Deep throat" means...
920
00:54:05,660 --> 00:54:09,289
...when the woman puts
the man's penis in her mouth....
921
00:54:14,878 --> 00:54:16,129
[BOTH SCREAMING]
922
00:54:16,296 --> 00:54:19,048
♪ I remember
When rock was young ♪
923
00:54:19,299 --> 00:54:22,135
♪ Me and Suzie
Had so much fun ♪
924
00:54:22,510 --> 00:54:24,512
♪ Holding hands
And skimming stones ♪
925
00:54:24,679 --> 00:54:27,682
[LAUGHING]
926
00:54:28,933 --> 00:54:31,185
♪ But the biggest kick I ever got ♪
927
00:54:31,352 --> 00:54:33,730
♪ Was doing a thing
Called the Crocodile Rock ♪♪
928
00:54:33,938 --> 00:54:35,773
[SIGHING]
929
00:54:37,483 --> 00:54:39,027
Okay, what now?
930
00:54:41,446 --> 00:54:42,906
Prank phone calls?
931
00:54:44,115 --> 00:54:45,491
Okay, who?
932
00:54:47,535 --> 00:54:48,745
Miss Spinnler?
933
00:54:49,412 --> 00:54:50,997
No.
934
00:54:52,832 --> 00:54:54,334
Sean Freshman?
935
00:54:55,418 --> 00:54:59,005
- No, we always do him.
- Um....
936
00:55:01,716 --> 00:55:04,385
I know, I know! These guys!
937
00:55:05,762 --> 00:55:07,931
The "radical, muckraking bastards."
938
00:55:08,181 --> 00:55:09,557
[SPEAKS IN FRENCH]
939
00:55:09,724 --> 00:55:12,894
These are the guys that are writing
all that stuff about Watergate.
940
00:55:13,061 --> 00:55:14,562
Oh.
941
00:55:15,188 --> 00:55:19,025
- Oh, and this one's kind of hunky.
- Gross.
942
00:55:19,984 --> 00:55:22,195
Well, you liked Dick.
943
00:55:25,907 --> 00:55:27,867
[PHONE RINGS]
944
00:55:28,034 --> 00:55:30,203
- Washington Post.
ARLENE [IN BRITISH ACCENT]: Hello.
945
00:55:30,370 --> 00:55:32,455
I'm the daughter
of the British ambassador...
946
00:55:32,622 --> 00:55:36,960
...and I have some very important
information concerning Watergate...
947
00:55:37,210 --> 00:55:38,628
...for your newspaper.
948
00:55:39,212 --> 00:55:40,713
One moment.
949
00:55:41,255 --> 00:55:43,633
- [IN NORMAL VOICE] I'm on hold!
- Okay.
950
00:55:45,510 --> 00:55:47,512
[PHONE RINGS]
951
00:55:47,720 --> 00:55:48,721
Woodward.
952
00:55:49,472 --> 00:55:50,598
I can't. I can't.
953
00:55:51,015 --> 00:55:52,058
Hello?
954
00:55:53,017 --> 00:55:55,311
Hello? Hello.
955
00:55:55,478 --> 00:55:56,771
[IN DEEP VOICE]
Who's this?
956
00:55:57,063 --> 00:55:59,983
I just told you. Bob Woodward.
957
00:56:00,733 --> 00:56:02,568
[IN NORMAL VOICE]
Oh. Um, good.
958
00:56:02,944 --> 00:56:04,612
We, um, know things.
959
00:56:04,779 --> 00:56:06,614
What kind of things?
960
00:56:08,032 --> 00:56:09,283
About Dick.
961
00:56:10,159 --> 00:56:11,619
I mean, the president.
962
00:56:12,996 --> 00:56:14,205
On the record?
963
00:56:15,415 --> 00:56:16,457
Huh?
964
00:56:16,624 --> 00:56:17,875
Can I use your name?
965
00:56:18,376 --> 00:56:20,878
Heh. They don't get that it's a joke!
966
00:56:21,129 --> 00:56:23,297
- That just makes it funnier.
- Okay.
967
00:56:23,464 --> 00:56:26,426
Unless you go on the record
or have documentation....
968
00:56:29,220 --> 00:56:32,015
I have deadlines.
This is the Washington Post.
969
00:56:32,181 --> 00:56:34,475
A documentation.
Like a piece of paper.
970
00:56:34,642 --> 00:56:35,977
Yeah. Yeah.
971
00:56:36,144 --> 00:56:37,812
[WHISPERS]
We have a piece of paper.
972
00:56:37,979 --> 00:56:42,233
Hold on. We have a list of creeps.
We got it at the White House.
973
00:56:43,818 --> 00:56:45,361
A list of creeps?
974
00:56:45,528 --> 00:56:47,864
Uh-huh. C-R-E-E-P.
975
00:56:50,408 --> 00:56:52,326
The Committee to Re-elect
the President.
976
00:56:52,493 --> 00:56:57,165
It's to Haldeman. It has a list of names,
amounts of money and dates.
977
00:56:58,791 --> 00:57:00,626
Go ahead. What do you have?
978
00:57:02,503 --> 00:57:05,506
It's Magruder, Barker, Brown....
979
00:57:05,673 --> 00:57:06,674
Uh-huh.
980
00:57:08,009 --> 00:57:09,719
Right.
981
00:57:10,803 --> 00:57:12,138
Yeah.
982
00:57:12,472 --> 00:57:14,974
Okay. Okay, can--?
983
00:57:16,309 --> 00:57:17,351
Yeah.
984
00:57:19,854 --> 00:57:21,064
Can I help you?
985
00:57:21,856 --> 00:57:23,858
- I'm cool.
- I'm sorry, go ahead.
986
00:57:26,903 --> 00:57:28,780
Right. Uh-huh.
987
00:57:32,450 --> 00:57:33,868
Go away!
988
00:57:34,744 --> 00:57:35,745
Right.
989
00:57:35,912 --> 00:57:38,623
You actually have this document
in your possession?
990
00:57:38,790 --> 00:57:40,750
Yeah, it's sitting right here.
991
00:57:41,459 --> 00:57:43,461
But the only problem is that...
992
00:57:43,711 --> 00:57:48,424
...we drew all over it and I dropped
my grilled cheese sandwich on it...
993
00:57:48,591 --> 00:57:50,259
...so it's kind of rank.
994
00:57:50,510 --> 00:57:53,012
Benji, stop it. Get off!
995
00:57:54,263 --> 00:57:57,225
Are you insane?
Or are your pants too tight?
996
00:57:57,683 --> 00:57:59,018
Who are you talking to?
997
00:57:59,185 --> 00:58:02,814
A source with proof that the Committee
to Re-elect the President...
998
00:58:02,980 --> 00:58:04,607
...paid off the Water--
999
00:58:05,066 --> 00:58:07,360
[WHISPERING]
Paid off the Watergate burglars.
1000
00:58:07,610 --> 00:58:09,487
And the White House knows about it.
1001
00:58:09,654 --> 00:58:11,030
[GASPS]
1002
00:58:14,367 --> 00:58:16,828
[WHISPERING] You can't have
that conversation on the phone.
1003
00:58:16,994 --> 00:58:18,704
It's too dangerous.
1004
00:58:18,913 --> 00:58:21,290
- Arrange a meeting.
- Okay.
1005
00:58:21,457 --> 00:58:22,917
[IN NORMAL VOICE]
Ow! That really hurt me.
1006
00:58:23,126 --> 00:58:24,919
That really hurt me.
1007
00:58:26,587 --> 00:58:27,713
Could I meet you?
1008
00:58:27,880 --> 00:58:30,258
KAY: We've been too permissive
with you, young man.
1009
00:58:30,758 --> 00:58:33,427
From now on,
we're watching you like a hawk.
1010
00:58:34,095 --> 00:58:35,680
Not around here.
1011
00:58:35,847 --> 00:58:38,933
Right, you're being watched.
I understand. Um....
1012
00:58:39,934 --> 00:58:42,937
[SOFTLY] There is an underground
parking garage...
1013
00:58:44,438 --> 00:58:47,775
...on A Street and York Avenue.
1014
00:58:48,025 --> 00:58:49,402
Across from Garfinkle's.
1015
00:58:49,569 --> 00:58:51,904
We can go shopping
after we meet them.
1016
00:58:52,071 --> 00:58:56,367
Yes. I can meet you there
tomorrow at 9 p.m.
1017
00:58:57,118 --> 00:58:58,369
Okay.
1018
00:58:59,245 --> 00:59:00,288
How will I know you?
1019
00:59:01,205 --> 00:59:03,666
That's for me to know
and you to find out.
1020
00:59:04,041 --> 00:59:05,585
[ARLENE & BETSY CHUCKLE]
1021
00:59:07,962 --> 00:59:09,380
What are you staring at?
1022
00:59:09,547 --> 00:59:11,507
There's yelling. Are you in trouble?
1023
00:59:14,260 --> 00:59:17,513
Give me a name, so when you call next,
I'll know it's you.
1024
00:59:21,017 --> 00:59:22,852
Deep Throat! Aah!
1025
00:59:23,060 --> 00:59:24,103
Deep Throat!
1026
00:59:25,438 --> 00:59:27,899
[IN NORMAL VOICE]
Carl Bernstein. Tell me your story.
1027
00:59:28,065 --> 00:59:29,358
Up yours, man!
1028
00:59:29,650 --> 00:59:30,985
[LAUGHS]
1029
00:59:31,152 --> 00:59:33,988
Deep Throat! Come here,
Deep Throat boy! Come here!
1030
00:59:34,155 --> 00:59:36,699
ARLENE: Deep Throat!
- Deep Throat! Deep Throat!
1031
00:59:37,366 --> 00:59:38,659
[IN NORMAL VOICE]
They hung up.
1032
00:59:38,993 --> 00:59:40,661
- What are you doing?
- It's cool.
1033
00:59:40,912 --> 00:59:42,580
- What are you doing?
- Helping you out.
1034
00:59:43,456 --> 00:59:44,957
WOODWARD:
I swear to God...!
1035
00:59:45,124 --> 00:59:48,836
BETSY: Deep Throat boy!
ARLENE: Deep Throat! Deep Throat!
1036
00:59:49,003 --> 00:59:52,298
BETSY: You're horny! Horny little pervert!
ARLENE: Pervert!
1037
00:59:52,465 --> 00:59:54,467
[♪♪♪]
1038
01:00:01,807 --> 01:00:04,268
- All right, he's not here. Let's go.
- Okay.
1039
01:00:04,435 --> 01:00:06,562
[BETSY SHRIEKS]
1040
01:00:10,441 --> 01:00:12,276
You're Deep Throat?
1041
01:00:12,443 --> 01:00:13,861
BOTH:
Yeah.
1042
01:00:14,028 --> 01:00:15,488
We both are.
1043
01:00:15,655 --> 01:00:17,031
How old are you?
1044
01:00:18,032 --> 01:00:19,200
Twenty-three.
1045
01:00:19,367 --> 01:00:20,993
Is that your combined ages?
1046
01:00:21,160 --> 01:00:22,161
[SCOFFS]
1047
01:00:22,328 --> 01:00:24,205
There's no need to be snotty.
1048
01:00:24,372 --> 01:00:27,541
I'm just trying to imagine here,
what exactly...
1049
01:00:27,833 --> 01:00:30,378
...is your connection
with the White House?
1050
01:00:30,544 --> 01:00:32,922
We were the Secret Youth Advisers.
1051
01:00:33,089 --> 01:00:36,592
And we walked the dog.
And Arlene was in love with Dick.
1052
01:00:36,759 --> 01:00:39,887
Okay, I don't need to hear
any more of that, really.
1053
01:00:40,680 --> 01:00:41,847
[CLATTERING NEARBY]
1054
01:00:42,014 --> 01:00:43,057
[WHISPERS]
Were you followed?
1055
01:00:48,020 --> 01:00:49,814
[CLATTERING THEN
BERNSTEIN GRUNTING]
1056
01:00:49,981 --> 01:00:52,108
[IN NORMAL VOICE]
What are you doing here?
1057
01:00:52,358 --> 01:00:54,110
I came to make sure
you were all right.
1058
01:00:54,318 --> 01:00:55,945
You did not!
1059
01:00:56,112 --> 01:00:57,989
You're trying to horn in on my source.
1060
01:00:58,155 --> 01:01:01,325
How come you get to meet Deep Throat?
I'm the one who saw that movie.
1061
01:01:01,492 --> 01:01:02,952
[BETSY CLEARS THROAT]
1062
01:01:03,119 --> 01:01:04,620
Hi, I'm Carl Bernstein.
1063
01:01:04,787 --> 01:01:06,455
WOODWARD:
You're supposed to check phone records.
1064
01:01:06,622 --> 01:01:07,957
BERNSTEIN:
It gave me a headache.
1065
01:01:08,124 --> 01:01:09,959
- Stop whining.
- I'm not whining.
1066
01:01:10,126 --> 01:01:12,003
Yes, you are. You're whining.
1067
01:01:12,169 --> 01:01:14,046
- We've talked about this.
BETSY: Hey.
1068
01:01:14,505 --> 01:01:16,299
Are you interested in the story or not?
1069
01:01:16,966 --> 01:01:18,968
- Yes.
- Yes.
1070
01:01:24,015 --> 01:01:26,642
At first, we thought he was really nice.
1071
01:01:26,934 --> 01:01:31,355
Then we heard him saying mean things
about Jews and using foul language.
1072
01:01:31,605 --> 01:01:33,149
We realized he was a jerk.
1073
01:01:33,316 --> 01:01:34,734
WOODWARD:
A jerk.
1074
01:01:34,984 --> 01:01:37,361
We could hear him kicking the dog
on the tape.
1075
01:01:37,528 --> 01:01:38,612
There's a tape?
1076
01:01:38,779 --> 01:01:41,615
He records everything. It's in
Rose Mary's desk. He's paranoid.
1077
01:01:41,782 --> 01:01:43,492
What else did he say on this tape?
1078
01:01:43,659 --> 01:01:45,161
They talked about hiding...
1079
01:01:45,578 --> 01:01:48,998
...some guy in South America
because he knew about Watergate.
1080
01:01:49,165 --> 01:01:53,169
Uh, let me get this straight. You're saying
the president of the United States--
1081
01:01:53,419 --> 01:01:55,504
- Of America.
- Of America...
1082
01:01:55,755 --> 01:01:59,342
...the most powerful country
in the world...
1083
01:02:00,217 --> 01:02:02,720
...is involved
in this Watergate cover-up?
1084
01:02:02,887 --> 01:02:04,055
- Yeah.
- I guess.
1085
01:02:04,221 --> 01:02:06,390
Who is he talking to on this tape?
1086
01:02:06,557 --> 01:02:09,518
- Um, Erlichman?
ARLENE: No.
1087
01:02:09,727 --> 01:02:11,479
- Hurlichman.
- Oh, yeah.
1088
01:02:11,645 --> 01:02:14,148
- No, there isn't a Hurlichman.
BETSY: Yes, there is.
1089
01:02:14,315 --> 01:02:15,816
There's not a Hurlichman.
1090
01:02:16,192 --> 01:02:18,986
There's a Haldeman.
And there's an Erlichman.
1091
01:02:19,320 --> 01:02:20,363
Wait, wait, wait.
1092
01:02:20,613 --> 01:02:22,823
The guy who's, like, kind of fleshy...
1093
01:02:23,074 --> 01:02:26,369
...who wears horn-rimmed glasses
and a cheesy dark suit.
1094
01:02:26,535 --> 01:02:27,620
It sounded like him.
1095
01:02:29,330 --> 01:02:30,956
Show me which one.
1096
01:02:34,293 --> 01:02:36,921
ARLENE: I never realized how much
they all look alike.
1097
01:02:39,340 --> 01:02:43,219
The document you mentioned on
the phone, it was written to Haldeman?
1098
01:02:43,469 --> 01:02:46,222
If we publish that, we could nail him.
1099
01:02:46,430 --> 01:02:48,432
Give me skin, Daddy.
1100
01:02:50,351 --> 01:02:51,477
No.
1101
01:02:51,644 --> 01:02:54,897
- We don't really have it right now.
- What?
1102
01:02:56,107 --> 01:02:57,733
The dog ate it.
1103
01:02:58,067 --> 01:02:59,360
The dog ate it.
1104
01:03:00,194 --> 01:03:01,862
- Yeah.
- Yeah.
1105
01:03:02,238 --> 01:03:05,866
Great. You know, I don't need this.
I went to Yale.
1106
01:03:06,033 --> 01:03:08,369
- Ow.
- Sorry.
1107
01:03:08,536 --> 01:03:12,039
Hey. We could've gotten grounded
for sneaking out.
1108
01:03:12,248 --> 01:03:14,083
If we could get that tape....
1109
01:03:14,250 --> 01:03:16,043
But it's in the White House.
1110
01:03:16,210 --> 01:03:20,339
[OVER RADIO] You know who else is
sexy is Robert Plant, from Led Zeppelin.
1111
01:03:20,840 --> 01:03:24,343
- Ew. He reminds me of my brother.
- Oh.
1112
01:03:28,806 --> 01:03:31,892
Your brother's not that bad.
Not that I like him.
1113
01:03:32,268 --> 01:03:34,812
I can't run this. You don't have it.
1114
01:03:35,062 --> 01:03:36,230
What?
1115
01:03:37,231 --> 01:03:40,985
I might be willing to take the risk
on these other names...
1116
01:03:41,152 --> 01:03:42,903
...but not on Haldeman. My God!
1117
01:03:43,154 --> 01:03:47,283
He's the man who controls access
to the leader of the free world.
1118
01:03:47,700 --> 01:03:49,326
There is another source.
1119
01:03:49,493 --> 01:03:53,122
You mean, your what-do-you-call-it?
1120
01:03:53,289 --> 01:03:55,916
- Hand Job.
- Deep Throat.
1121
01:03:56,083 --> 01:03:59,795
Yeah, Deep Throat.
Well, tell me about Deep Throat.
1122
01:04:00,171 --> 01:04:03,716
Well, "he" links the president...
1123
01:04:03,883 --> 01:04:04,884
...to the burglary...
1124
01:04:05,050 --> 01:04:06,844
...and to a cover-up.
1125
01:04:07,011 --> 01:04:08,262
Jesus!
1126
01:04:08,971 --> 01:04:10,514
What branch is he in?
1127
01:04:11,140 --> 01:04:13,476
E-- E-- Executive.
1128
01:04:13,642 --> 01:04:14,935
How high?
1129
01:04:15,102 --> 01:04:16,270
About yea high.
1130
01:04:17,313 --> 01:04:18,981
Don't do this to me.
1131
01:04:19,148 --> 01:04:21,942
Get some more sources
on those names.
1132
01:04:22,318 --> 01:04:25,863
Bring me in some hard evidence
and nail it down.
1133
01:04:26,572 --> 01:04:29,658
Some people think
that Mick Jagger's lips are gross.
1134
01:04:29,909 --> 01:04:31,702
But I think that they're sexy.
1135
01:04:31,952 --> 01:04:34,872
They're like this big couch
made out of skin.
1136
01:04:35,122 --> 01:04:37,625
- You're so hard rock now.
- No.
1137
01:04:37,791 --> 01:04:40,294
- Yes.
- No.
1138
01:04:41,170 --> 01:04:42,171
What?
1139
01:04:42,338 --> 01:04:46,091
That van's been right behind us
since we left school. Don't look.
1140
01:04:46,342 --> 01:04:47,468
I have to.
1141
01:04:48,677 --> 01:04:50,679
[TIRES SCREECHING]
1142
01:04:50,846 --> 01:04:52,848
[♪♪♪]
1143
01:04:53,015 --> 01:04:54,850
[BETSY GASPING]
1144
01:04:55,017 --> 01:04:56,602
- We're being followed.
- By who?
1145
01:04:56,894 --> 01:04:58,771
I don't know. Do you think it's Dick?
1146
01:04:58,979 --> 01:05:02,483
Maybe he knows we talked to
the "radical, muckraking bastards."
1147
01:05:02,733 --> 01:05:04,276
He couldn't know.
1148
01:05:04,443 --> 01:05:05,903
He could.
1149
01:05:08,364 --> 01:05:10,282
Dick frightens me.
1150
01:05:11,367 --> 01:05:12,952
Hello, this is Bob Woodward.
1151
01:05:13,118 --> 01:05:14,995
And Carl Bernstein, Washington Post.
1152
01:05:15,162 --> 01:05:19,291
Carl's on the other line. We have
a few questions we'd like to ask you.
1153
01:05:19,458 --> 01:05:21,210
HELEN:
Oh, girls! Arlene, Betsy!
1154
01:05:21,377 --> 01:05:22,670
We can't talk now.
1155
01:05:22,836 --> 01:05:27,299
We need to know some names from
that list you had. Do you remember any?
1156
01:05:27,466 --> 01:05:29,718
We're under a lot of pressure too.
1157
01:05:29,927 --> 01:05:32,596
WOODWARD: It's okay.
You don't have to name any names.
1158
01:05:32,763 --> 01:05:34,348
- Don't answer.
- We'll say names.
1159
01:05:34,515 --> 01:05:38,060
We'll count to 10. If you don't
hang up, that's a confirmation.
1160
01:05:38,561 --> 01:05:39,645
What?
1161
01:05:40,563 --> 01:05:41,605
Hi.
1162
01:05:41,772 --> 01:05:43,774
I'm so sorry to interrupt you.
1163
01:05:43,941 --> 01:05:45,859
- Go!
- Just go with it!
1164
01:05:46,277 --> 01:05:47,319
Okay.
1165
01:05:48,112 --> 01:05:50,656
I asked you to come to dinner
15 minutes ago.
1166
01:05:50,823 --> 01:05:52,533
Now your TV dinners are ice-cold.
1167
01:05:52,700 --> 01:05:54,702
In fact, they're frozen again.
1168
01:05:54,868 --> 01:05:56,412
McCord.
1169
01:05:59,123 --> 01:06:00,124
Lang.
1170
01:06:00,291 --> 01:06:04,128
So come to the table now,
or I'll never fix you dinner again, ever!
1171
01:06:04,295 --> 01:06:05,296
Seven...
1172
01:06:05,462 --> 01:06:06,463
...eight...
1173
01:06:06,630 --> 01:06:07,631
...nine...
1174
01:06:07,965 --> 01:06:09,383
We'll be right there, Mom.
1175
01:06:11,468 --> 01:06:12,469
...ten.
1176
01:06:12,803 --> 01:06:13,804
Thank you very much.
1177
01:06:13,971 --> 01:06:15,139
[KISSES PHONE]
1178
01:06:15,431 --> 01:06:17,266
[DIAL TONE BUZZING]
1179
01:06:17,474 --> 01:06:19,393
- Whoo!
- Yes! Yes!
1180
01:06:19,560 --> 01:06:20,853
[♪♪♪]
1181
01:06:21,270 --> 01:06:22,730
They hung up.
1182
01:06:25,065 --> 01:06:26,567
I'm sorry, Janet.
1183
01:06:26,817 --> 01:06:27,985
- You all right?
- Yeah.
1184
01:06:28,902 --> 01:06:32,031
♪ Hey, kid, rock 'n' roll ♪
1185
01:06:32,197 --> 01:06:35,159
♪ Rock on
Ooh, my soul ♪
1186
01:06:35,326 --> 01:06:38,412
♪ Hey, kid, boogie too ♪
1187
01:06:38,579 --> 01:06:40,289
♪ Did ya? ♪
1188
01:06:41,832 --> 01:06:43,542
♪ Hey, shout ♪
1189
01:06:43,709 --> 01:06:44,918
[MUMBLING INDISTINCTLY]
1190
01:06:45,085 --> 01:06:48,172
♪ Jump up and down
In the blue suede shoes ♪
1191
01:06:48,339 --> 01:06:49,381
♪ Hey ♪♪
1192
01:06:53,469 --> 01:06:55,471
You scared us to death!
What's the matter?
1193
01:06:55,679 --> 01:06:58,515
[SOFTLY] You little lying sacks of shit
are the matter!
1194
01:06:58,891 --> 01:06:59,933
Listen.
1195
01:07:04,480 --> 01:07:08,317
You guys gave us bad information
on the phone.
1196
01:07:09,026 --> 01:07:10,819
The names on the list?
1197
01:07:11,487 --> 01:07:14,615
We printed it, they denied it,
and our other source backed out.
1198
01:07:14,823 --> 01:07:17,534
Now everybody thinks
that I'm a schmuck.
1199
01:07:18,786 --> 01:07:19,953
What names?
1200
01:07:20,204 --> 01:07:22,039
The names. The information.
1201
01:07:22,331 --> 01:07:24,291
Listen, people are counting on you.
1202
01:07:24,458 --> 01:07:28,754
You're big-shot reporters. Can't you
figure anything out for yourselves?
1203
01:07:28,921 --> 01:07:31,507
How could you let your dog
eat that list?
1204
01:07:31,715 --> 01:07:33,342
You're ruining my life!
1205
01:07:36,053 --> 01:07:40,057
We have a very important report
on turquoise jewelry due in two days...
1206
01:07:40,307 --> 01:07:43,394
...and we can't find books on it,
and the president is having us followed.
1207
01:07:43,560 --> 01:07:47,022
- It's too much pressure.
- Just leave us alone!
1208
01:07:50,734 --> 01:07:52,736
[♪♪♪]
1209
01:08:00,744 --> 01:08:02,329
HELEN:
Arlene?
1210
01:08:02,496 --> 01:08:04,039
Mom?
1211
01:08:04,415 --> 01:08:05,624
I'm in here, dear.
1212
01:08:06,041 --> 01:08:08,252
- How come you're home so early?
- Oh....
1213
01:08:08,419 --> 01:08:09,545
Honey...
1214
01:08:10,546 --> 01:08:12,172
...I've met someone.
1215
01:08:12,631 --> 01:08:14,425
I've met someone.
1216
01:08:14,591 --> 01:08:15,759
Here he is.
1217
01:08:15,926 --> 01:08:17,052
[♪♪♪]
1218
01:08:17,344 --> 01:08:18,762
Hello, Arlene.
1219
01:08:19,263 --> 01:08:20,431
[CHUCKLES]
1220
01:08:21,557 --> 01:08:22,975
How did you know my name?
1221
01:08:23,142 --> 01:08:25,269
[BOTH CHUCKLING]
1222
01:08:25,561 --> 01:08:27,271
It's embroidered on your blouse.
1223
01:08:27,438 --> 01:08:28,814
HELEN:
Oh! Ha, ha.
1224
01:08:30,607 --> 01:08:33,277
[SPEAKS IN FRENCH]
1225
01:08:38,824 --> 01:08:40,284
Mm. Mmm....
1226
01:08:40,951 --> 01:08:42,202
[HELEN CHUCKLING]
1227
01:08:42,369 --> 01:08:44,455
It's really so funny how we met.
1228
01:08:44,621 --> 01:08:49,501
I was in the market at lunch and we
literally just crashed into each other.
1229
01:08:49,668 --> 01:08:54,465
I said, "Excuse me, your peanut butter
is in my chocolate."
1230
01:08:54,631 --> 01:08:56,300
[HELEN CONTINUES CHUCKLING]
1231
01:08:56,508 --> 01:09:01,889
And I said, "Your chocolate
is in my peanut butter." Ha-ha-ha!
1232
01:09:02,055 --> 01:09:03,265
HELEN:
Oh, my gosh.
1233
01:09:03,432 --> 01:09:05,476
We haven't been separated
since then.
1234
01:09:05,642 --> 01:09:09,313
Well, until I used the bathroom
just now. Ooh!
1235
01:09:11,774 --> 01:09:14,568
HELEN:
Roderick, you're such a treasure.
1236
01:09:20,407 --> 01:09:21,450
Honey.
1237
01:09:21,617 --> 01:09:24,286
- Honey, did you leave the door open?
- No.
1238
01:09:24,453 --> 01:09:25,954
No.
1239
01:09:26,330 --> 01:09:28,248
[♪♪♪]
1240
01:09:34,296 --> 01:09:35,672
We've been robbed.
1241
01:09:39,301 --> 01:09:41,512
My grandmother's pearls!
1242
01:09:42,429 --> 01:09:43,889
My stash!
1243
01:09:44,056 --> 01:09:46,058
[SNIFFING]
1244
01:09:46,225 --> 01:09:48,227
[INDISTINCT RADIO CHATTER]
1245
01:09:48,811 --> 01:09:51,271
Are you absolutely positive
nothing is missing?
1246
01:09:51,438 --> 01:09:52,940
Yes.
1247
01:09:53,482 --> 01:09:55,442
I don't understand it at all.
1248
01:09:55,651 --> 01:10:00,155
My jewelry case wasn't touched,
but they ripped apart the sofa cushions.
1249
01:10:00,447 --> 01:10:01,657
I need a drink.
1250
01:10:01,907 --> 01:10:05,077
Maybe they just didn't like
my wife's taste in decorating.
1251
01:10:05,244 --> 01:10:06,662
[BOTH LAUGHING]
1252
01:10:07,788 --> 01:10:11,041
If I didn't know better, I'd say
someone was looking for something.
1253
01:10:11,291 --> 01:10:14,670
LARRY: I can't imagine what.
- We're just a normal family.
1254
01:10:14,962 --> 01:10:17,047
LARRY:
Okay, I wouldn't go that far.
1255
01:10:17,422 --> 01:10:19,424
[♪♪♪]
1256
01:10:24,137 --> 01:10:26,515
They only stole
the Hello Dollies recipe.
1257
01:10:26,682 --> 01:10:29,852
Not jewelry or the TV
or Larry's pot or anything.
1258
01:10:30,018 --> 01:10:31,603
It's too much of a coincidence.
1259
01:10:31,770 --> 01:10:35,274
Your house gets robbed, and my mom
gets a boyfriend the same night?
1260
01:10:35,691 --> 01:10:37,109
Why don't you like him?
1261
01:10:37,276 --> 01:10:41,363
Because I think he's a spy for Dick.
No guy like that would go for my mom.
1262
01:10:41,530 --> 01:10:43,407
[CLICKING OVER PHONE]
1263
01:10:43,866 --> 01:10:45,409
Hello? I--
1264
01:10:46,034 --> 01:10:47,077
Betsy?
1265
01:10:47,244 --> 01:10:49,246
[LINE DISCONNECTS]
1266
01:10:49,997 --> 01:10:50,998
Hello?
1267
01:10:51,456 --> 01:10:53,458
[♪♪♪]
1268
01:11:15,480 --> 01:11:17,274
[CAR HORN BLARING]
1269
01:11:26,074 --> 01:11:28,076
[WHISTLING]
1270
01:11:29,745 --> 01:11:32,456
[SOFTLY] I'll buzz you up
so that my mom doesn't hear.
1271
01:11:33,373 --> 01:11:36,126
[SOFTLY]
Okay.
1272
01:11:38,754 --> 01:11:40,005
Betsy, what are you doing?
1273
01:11:40,172 --> 01:11:41,590
[OVER SPEAKER]
♪ Come on, baby ♪
1274
01:11:41,757 --> 01:11:43,759
- We're being bugged!
- What?
1275
01:11:44,217 --> 01:11:47,471
The president of the United States
is bugging our houses...
1276
01:11:47,638 --> 01:11:49,514
...and spying on us!
1277
01:11:50,766 --> 01:11:51,892
What did you just say?
1278
01:11:52,059 --> 01:11:55,687
♪ My little baby says
I can do it with ease ♪♪
1279
01:11:56,396 --> 01:11:58,231
It's a line from a song. It's:
1280
01:11:58,565 --> 01:12:00,567
- ♪ We're being bugged ♪
- ♪ We're being bugged ♪
1281
01:12:00,943 --> 01:12:03,445
- ♪ The White House ♪
- ♪ Bugged ♪♪
1282
01:12:04,488 --> 01:12:08,158
There's a man from the Washington Post
on the phone for you.
1283
01:12:13,580 --> 01:12:15,874
ARLENE: Hello?
BERNSTEIN: It's Bernstein from the Post.
1284
01:12:16,041 --> 01:12:17,960
- No. No.
- The information you gave--
1285
01:12:18,210 --> 01:12:21,463
Um, no.
We're not interested in a subscription.
1286
01:12:21,630 --> 01:12:22,673
Thanks, no.
1287
01:12:23,006 --> 01:12:25,801
No, we prefer the news on TV.
Thank you.
1288
01:12:27,135 --> 01:12:29,471
I thought we already got the Post.
1289
01:12:30,764 --> 01:12:34,017
You know, there is something
very strange going on here.
1290
01:12:34,184 --> 01:12:35,227
I know there is.
1291
01:12:35,852 --> 01:12:38,522
And I don't want to know
what it is. Okay?
1292
01:12:41,817 --> 01:12:44,778
DICK [ON TV]: And in all my years
of public life, I can say...
1293
01:12:44,945 --> 01:12:48,824
...that I have
never, ever obstructed justice.
1294
01:12:49,282 --> 01:12:50,993
This is all his fault.
1295
01:12:51,785 --> 01:12:54,830
The people have got to know...
1296
01:12:55,247 --> 01:12:58,000
...whether or not
their president is a crook.
1297
01:12:59,042 --> 01:13:00,627
Well...
1298
01:13:00,836 --> 01:13:01,837
...I'm not a crook.
1299
01:13:02,004 --> 01:13:04,256
He's trying to drive me insane.
1300
01:13:04,423 --> 01:13:05,424
[RINGING]
1301
01:13:05,590 --> 01:13:07,092
[ARLENE & BETSY SCREAM]
1302
01:13:08,510 --> 01:13:09,553
Hello?
1303
01:13:09,720 --> 01:13:10,721
[CLICKING OVER PHONE]
1304
01:13:10,887 --> 01:13:12,431
Hello?
1305
01:13:13,598 --> 01:13:15,600
[BETSY WHIMPERING]
1306
01:13:15,767 --> 01:13:16,768
Oh, my God!
1307
01:13:16,935 --> 01:13:18,687
We have to get out of here!
1308
01:13:19,813 --> 01:13:21,982
[SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY]
1309
01:13:22,733 --> 01:13:24,693
- Oh, my God!
- It's okay.
1310
01:13:25,360 --> 01:13:28,196
[PHONE RINGING
THEN BOTH SHRIEKING]
1311
01:13:31,408 --> 01:13:33,410
[♪♪♪]
1312
01:13:35,871 --> 01:13:36,872
BETSY:
Go!
1313
01:13:38,206 --> 01:13:40,208
[TIRES SCREECHING]
1314
01:13:45,839 --> 01:13:47,424
[SHRIEKING]
1315
01:13:47,632 --> 01:13:49,134
BETSY:
Oh, my God!
1316
01:13:51,720 --> 01:13:52,804
[SHOUTING INDISTINCTLY]
1317
01:14:04,900 --> 01:14:08,487
So these girls are a threat
to national security?
1318
01:14:09,279 --> 01:14:11,323
According to the president.
1319
01:14:12,908 --> 01:14:16,536
How dare those people keep treating us
like stupid teenage girls!
1320
01:14:16,912 --> 01:14:19,331
We are stupid teenage girls.
1321
01:14:19,498 --> 01:14:22,000
No, Betsy, we're human beings.
1322
01:14:22,292 --> 01:14:24,544
And we're American citizens.
1323
01:14:24,920 --> 01:14:28,548
And fourscore and seven years ago,
our forefathers...
1324
01:14:29,091 --> 01:14:30,926
...did something.
I don't know what.
1325
01:14:31,259 --> 01:14:34,596
But I do know one thing:
Dick's ass is grass.
1326
01:14:34,846 --> 01:14:37,432
Where are we going?
What are we doing?
1327
01:14:37,599 --> 01:14:40,477
If Haldeman has the tapes
that Woodward and Bernstein want...
1328
01:14:40,727 --> 01:14:42,813
- ...we're gonna find them.
- Okay.
1329
01:14:43,730 --> 01:14:45,774
This is it.
This is Haldeman's house.
1330
01:14:45,941 --> 01:14:47,150
2170.
1331
01:14:52,948 --> 01:14:54,658
BETSY:
Look, there's somebody there.
1332
01:14:57,828 --> 01:14:59,579
Haldeman must have a son.
1333
01:14:59,830 --> 01:15:01,540
BETSY:
Wait, let me see.
1334
01:15:02,457 --> 01:15:04,084
- Ahh....
- We have a mission.
1335
01:15:04,251 --> 01:15:07,754
We have to figure out a way
to get inside and find those tapes.
1336
01:15:09,589 --> 01:15:11,424
BETSY:
Don't worry, Arlene.
1337
01:15:11,925 --> 01:15:13,218
I'll do it.
1338
01:15:14,636 --> 01:15:16,638
[♪♪♪]
1339
01:15:20,267 --> 01:15:22,060
Oh, hi.
1340
01:15:22,519 --> 01:15:24,146
- ♪ Hey ♪
- ♪ Hey ♪
1341
01:15:24,312 --> 01:15:25,480
Do you remember me?
1342
01:15:27,107 --> 01:15:29,818
- Betsy.
- Betsy, right.
1343
01:15:30,068 --> 01:15:31,611
From the Homecoming dance.
1344
01:15:32,154 --> 01:15:33,155
Right.
1345
01:15:34,281 --> 01:15:37,325
♪ What's the matter
With your head, baby? ♪
1346
01:15:37,492 --> 01:15:40,704
♪ Find it
Come on and find it ♪
1347
01:15:40,871 --> 01:15:45,125
♪ Help with it, baby ♪
1348
01:15:45,709 --> 01:15:46,751
You wanna make out?
1349
01:15:46,918 --> 01:15:48,003
Sure.
1350
01:15:50,505 --> 01:15:53,175
♪ Come and get your love ♪
1351
01:15:55,093 --> 01:15:57,888
♪ Come and get your love ♪
1352
01:15:59,598 --> 01:16:02,309
♪ Come and get your love ♪
1353
01:16:04,102 --> 01:16:06,605
♪ Come and get your love ♪
1354
01:16:10,400 --> 01:16:12,611
- ♪ Hey ♪
- ♪ Hey ♪
1355
01:16:12,903 --> 01:16:15,780
♪ What's the matter with you?
Feel right? ♪
1356
01:16:15,947 --> 01:16:17,324
Are you all right?
1357
01:16:17,490 --> 01:16:19,034
I'm fine.
1358
01:16:20,368 --> 01:16:22,579
I need to go to the bathroom.
Will you excuse me?
1359
01:16:22,746 --> 01:16:27,000
♪ Get it from the mainline, all right ♪
1360
01:16:27,667 --> 01:16:30,795
♪ I said find it, find it ♪
1361
01:16:31,087 --> 01:16:34,299
♪ Go on and love it if you like it ♪
1362
01:16:34,507 --> 01:16:35,842
♪ Yeah, yeah ♪
1363
01:16:36,009 --> 01:16:37,302
Okay.
1364
01:16:37,761 --> 01:16:39,971
- ♪ Hey ♪
- ♪ Hey ♪
1365
01:16:40,138 --> 01:16:43,350
♪ It's your business
If you want some ♪
1366
01:16:43,516 --> 01:16:45,101
[GASPING]
1367
01:16:45,268 --> 01:16:46,269
Arlene.
1368
01:16:46,436 --> 01:16:47,687
[MOUTHING]
1369
01:16:47,854 --> 01:16:49,981
♪ Come and get your love ♪
1370
01:16:52,025 --> 01:16:54,569
♪ Come and get your love ♪
1371
01:16:56,238 --> 01:16:58,240
♪ Come and get your love ♪
1372
01:17:00,742 --> 01:17:03,286
♪ Come and get your love ♪
1373
01:17:25,558 --> 01:17:28,395
♪ Come and get your love ♪
1374
01:17:30,230 --> 01:17:32,732
♪ Come and get your love ♪
1375
01:17:32,899 --> 01:17:34,818
What's going on here?
1376
01:17:35,568 --> 01:17:36,945
Beer bong?
1377
01:17:38,321 --> 01:17:40,740
I'm tripping heavily already.
1378
01:17:45,036 --> 01:17:47,372
- ♪ Hey ♪
- ♪ Hey ♪
1379
01:17:47,622 --> 01:17:50,959
♪ What's the matter with you?
Feel right? ♪
1380
01:17:51,126 --> 01:17:52,502
♪ Don't you feel right? ♪
1381
01:17:52,669 --> 01:17:54,004
[BURPS]
1382
01:17:54,170 --> 01:17:56,923
♪ Hey, oh, yeah ♪
1383
01:17:58,258 --> 01:17:59,551
You know...
1384
01:18:02,262 --> 01:18:04,139
...I really like you.
1385
01:18:05,140 --> 01:18:06,683
Don't talk to me.
1386
01:18:07,684 --> 01:18:08,768
Kiss me.
1387
01:18:12,480 --> 01:18:14,941
♪ Come and get your love ♪♪
1388
01:18:17,777 --> 01:18:19,738
Ooh....
1389
01:18:30,290 --> 01:18:33,126
[♪♪♪]
1390
01:18:43,136 --> 01:18:44,346
[PHONE RINGING]
1391
01:18:44,554 --> 01:18:46,014
HALDEMAN:
Hello?
1392
01:18:46,181 --> 01:18:47,766
Anybody home?
1393
01:18:55,815 --> 01:18:56,858
Hello?
1394
01:18:57,025 --> 01:18:59,027
MAN:
Oh, my God, it's so terrible.
1395
01:18:59,194 --> 01:19:02,155
- Dean's leaving. Mm-hm.
- Jesus!
1396
01:19:02,322 --> 01:19:04,491
- No. No, no.
- He's leaving, all right.
1397
01:19:04,657 --> 01:19:08,203
Dean's a team player.
He's not gonna cave in like that.
1398
01:19:08,370 --> 01:19:10,580
No, I just don't believe it.
1399
01:19:10,830 --> 01:19:13,208
You better!
It'll be in the paper tomorrow.
1400
01:19:13,416 --> 01:19:16,127
I talked to Dean,
and he said it was true.
1401
01:19:16,294 --> 01:19:20,548
It's happening. It's happening.
It's real, man.
1402
01:19:20,715 --> 01:19:23,218
Well, I guess...
1403
01:19:23,718 --> 01:19:25,428
...the shit's hitting the fan now?
1404
01:19:25,720 --> 01:19:28,139
- Damn right it's hitting the fan.
- Yeah.
1405
01:19:32,852 --> 01:19:34,687
- Ow, ow, ow!
- What's the matter?
1406
01:19:34,854 --> 01:19:38,608
Something's in my ass. Ow.
1407
01:19:39,818 --> 01:19:41,194
Am I bleeding?
1408
01:19:41,653 --> 01:19:43,029
You're fine.
1409
01:19:43,738 --> 01:19:47,492
Figures that the pain in my ass
is Nixon, the fascist.
1410
01:19:48,243 --> 01:19:50,120
He's your dad's boss.
1411
01:19:50,787 --> 01:19:52,831
My dad's an arms manufacturer.
1412
01:19:53,331 --> 01:19:55,083
Aren't you Haldeman's son?
1413
01:19:55,583 --> 01:19:57,210
No. That's Brad.
1414
01:19:57,377 --> 01:19:59,129
I'm his roommate at school.
1415
01:19:59,295 --> 01:20:01,381
He's at the dermatologist.
1416
01:20:01,548 --> 01:20:03,007
But this is his house, right?
1417
01:20:04,259 --> 01:20:06,010
Yeah. What the hell's going on?
1418
01:20:06,177 --> 01:20:07,846
Did we meet before or not?
1419
01:20:09,264 --> 01:20:10,557
So you don't remember?
1420
01:20:11,099 --> 01:20:13,226
I remember like it was yesterday.
1421
01:20:14,686 --> 01:20:16,020
That's funny...
1422
01:20:16,604 --> 01:20:18,273
...because we never met.
1423
01:20:19,399 --> 01:20:20,567
What?
1424
01:20:21,401 --> 01:20:24,779
I just saw you on the street
and thought you were cute.
1425
01:20:25,155 --> 01:20:26,156
Really?
1426
01:20:26,322 --> 01:20:28,867
- Mm-hm.
- Heh, heh.
1427
01:20:29,534 --> 01:20:30,785
Ooh.
1428
01:20:32,662 --> 01:20:34,122
You're hot.
1429
01:20:34,330 --> 01:20:35,457
Thanks.
1430
01:20:37,292 --> 01:20:38,626
Liddy says...
1431
01:20:39,043 --> 01:20:40,879
...that these prisons are....
Heh, heh.
1432
01:20:41,045 --> 01:20:44,507
They're like Club Med,
just like Club Med.
1433
01:20:44,883 --> 01:20:45,884
Well, I have...
1434
01:20:46,301 --> 01:20:49,596
...a particularly incriminating tape
I brought home.
1435
01:20:49,762 --> 01:20:51,681
I should give that a listen.
1436
01:20:52,307 --> 01:20:55,059
Sure. Yeah, I'll say hi to the wife.
1437
01:20:55,226 --> 01:20:58,313
- Take care.
- Okay. You take care too.
1438
01:21:00,565 --> 01:21:01,608
[SIGHS]
1439
01:21:02,984 --> 01:21:05,612
[CLATTERING UPSTAIRS
THEN BETSY SPEAKS INDISTINCTLY]
1440
01:21:18,124 --> 01:21:21,002
Whoa. Sorry, Mr. Haldeman.
1441
01:21:21,586 --> 01:21:23,171
That's okay, Chip.
1442
01:21:23,338 --> 01:21:24,756
Uh, who is this?
1443
01:21:24,923 --> 01:21:26,758
CHIP:
This is Betsy, sir.
1444
01:21:26,925 --> 01:21:28,635
Betsy. Hello.
1445
01:21:28,801 --> 01:21:30,220
Hi.
1446
01:21:41,356 --> 01:21:42,440
Wait a minute.
1447
01:21:43,483 --> 01:21:44,776
I know you.
1448
01:21:45,527 --> 01:21:46,611
You're one of those dog--
1449
01:21:46,778 --> 01:21:48,488
[SCREAMING]
1450
01:21:48,696 --> 01:21:50,865
[BOTH SCREAMING]
1451
01:21:51,032 --> 01:21:52,367
HALDEMAN:
Shit!
1452
01:21:54,994 --> 01:21:56,746
BETSY:
Oh, my God!
1453
01:21:56,913 --> 01:21:58,623
Come back here, you little bitches!
1454
01:21:58,790 --> 01:22:00,250
[BOTH GASP]
1455
01:22:02,460 --> 01:22:03,503
BOTH:
My....
1456
01:22:03,670 --> 01:22:04,712
- Hm!
- Ha-ha!
1457
01:22:04,879 --> 01:22:08,716
♪ I've seen all good people
Turn their heads each day ♪
1458
01:22:08,883 --> 01:22:12,762
♪ So satisfied
I'm on my way ♪
1459
01:22:19,394 --> 01:22:20,478
It's not right.
1460
01:22:20,728 --> 01:22:22,730
Sources are sources.
Just because--
1461
01:22:22,981 --> 01:22:24,732
How goes it, paperboys?
1462
01:22:25,567 --> 01:22:26,818
WOODWARD:
Not too good.
1463
01:22:27,068 --> 01:22:28,820
Well, your luck's about to change.
1464
01:22:29,112 --> 01:22:33,408
The president knew about it for sure,
for absolute sure.
1465
01:22:34,409 --> 01:22:36,494
- That's the tape.
- It's the tape.
1466
01:22:36,744 --> 01:22:38,830
We finally have goods on Dick.
1467
01:22:39,289 --> 01:22:42,959
Bob, Tricky Dick's going down.
1468
01:22:44,252 --> 01:22:48,715
It's unethical to take possession
of the tape if it's stolen, but--
1469
01:22:48,965 --> 01:22:51,884
You can't have it anyway.
It's our only souvenir.
1470
01:22:52,176 --> 01:22:56,431
But we copied it down.
Thirty words a minute.
1471
01:22:56,598 --> 01:22:58,057
I passed typing.
1472
01:22:59,267 --> 01:23:02,020
A lot of people want to know
who our source is.
1473
01:23:02,270 --> 01:23:03,271
Really?
1474
01:23:03,605 --> 01:23:04,772
We'll be famous.
1475
01:23:05,023 --> 01:23:07,692
But we've decided
never to reveal your identity.
1476
01:23:08,276 --> 01:23:09,652
- For our own protection?
- Uh-huh.
1477
01:23:10,278 --> 01:23:15,033
No. It's just too embarrassing.
1478
01:23:15,199 --> 01:23:18,077
BERNSTEIN:
Dick's going down. Hey!
1479
01:23:18,453 --> 01:23:20,455
Dick is going down!
1480
01:23:23,291 --> 01:23:26,419
♪ For the queen to use ♪
1481
01:23:26,628 --> 01:23:28,630
[CHUCKLING]
1482
01:23:37,221 --> 01:23:39,390
In a series of events
that rocked the nation...
1483
01:23:39,557 --> 01:23:41,809
...the White House accepted
the resignations...
1484
01:23:41,976 --> 01:23:44,729
...of Presidential Counsel John Dean....
1485
01:23:45,605 --> 01:23:50,526
I can't believe this Watergate business
runs so high up.
1486
01:23:52,278 --> 01:23:54,656
You have no idea.
1487
01:23:55,615 --> 01:23:57,617
I realized one day...
1488
01:23:58,826 --> 01:24:00,703
...that if I stayed...
1489
01:24:01,496 --> 01:24:04,916
...I'd be just as bad as he was.
1490
01:24:09,087 --> 01:24:11,089
[♪♪♪]
1491
01:24:21,933 --> 01:24:25,728
♪ I've seen all good people
Turn their heads each day ♪
1492
01:24:25,895 --> 01:24:29,732
♪ So satisfied
I'm on my way ♪♪
1493
01:24:35,530 --> 01:24:39,784
DEAN: I'd say these people are gonna
cost a million dollars...
1494
01:24:40,076 --> 01:24:41,536
...over the next two years.
1495
01:24:43,079 --> 01:24:44,789
DICK:
We can get that.
1496
01:24:45,164 --> 01:24:48,960
You can get a million dollars,
and you can get it in cash.
1497
01:24:49,210 --> 01:24:51,796
I know where it could be gotten.
1498
01:24:53,673 --> 01:24:55,174
ARLENE:
♪ I love you ♪
1499
01:24:55,341 --> 01:24:56,342
[CHECKERS WHINING]
1500
01:24:56,509 --> 01:24:58,594
♪ I honestly love you ♪
1501
01:25:00,096 --> 01:25:02,432
What in the bejesus is that?
1502
01:25:03,725 --> 01:25:04,976
♪ I can see-- ♪♪
1503
01:25:10,314 --> 01:25:12,400
I can't keep my feelings inside
any longer.
1504
01:25:12,567 --> 01:25:15,528
- Oh, no.
- I've never felt this way about anybody...
1505
01:25:15,695 --> 01:25:19,574
- ...not even Bobby Sherman....
- A 15-year-old.
1506
01:25:19,949 --> 01:25:21,367
Oh, Jesus!
1507
01:25:21,576 --> 01:25:23,619
And that this is the real thing.
1508
01:25:25,037 --> 01:25:27,540
Watergate, my ass!
1509
01:25:27,707 --> 01:25:30,418
They'll crucify me if they hear this.
1510
01:25:30,710 --> 01:25:32,420
Checkers, shut up!
1511
01:25:32,587 --> 01:25:35,590
Or I'll feed you to the Chinese!
1512
01:25:36,132 --> 01:25:37,842
Erase this shit.
1513
01:25:41,637 --> 01:25:43,598
What's that smell?
1514
01:25:44,849 --> 01:25:45,850
[GASPING]
1515
01:25:46,017 --> 01:25:47,602
Hello Dollies!
1516
01:25:47,769 --> 01:25:49,812
Where'd you get the recipe?
It was stolen.
1517
01:25:50,062 --> 01:25:53,149
It's on the label
of every can, lamebrain.
1518
01:25:53,316 --> 01:25:55,276
ARLENE & BETSY: Oh.
- Except...
1519
01:25:55,651 --> 01:25:58,613
...for one special Larry Jobs addition.
1520
01:25:59,614 --> 01:26:01,240
[SNIFFS]
1521
01:26:01,616 --> 01:26:04,410
I keep them mixed up with the walnuts.
1522
01:26:06,746 --> 01:26:09,624
You said these were
just walnut leaves.
1523
01:26:10,082 --> 01:26:11,375
I lied.
1524
01:26:11,709 --> 01:26:14,170
But the president ate those.
1525
01:26:14,337 --> 01:26:16,506
Right, your pal, Tricky Dick.
1526
01:26:16,672 --> 01:26:18,382
No, really.
1527
01:26:19,467 --> 01:26:21,052
Whoa.
1528
01:26:21,219 --> 01:26:23,429
Maybe that's why he's so paranoid.
1529
01:26:23,596 --> 01:26:26,432
[♪♪♪]
1530
01:26:28,851 --> 01:26:30,645
ARLENE:
Betsy. Betsy.
1531
01:26:30,812 --> 01:26:31,813
It's happening.
1532
01:26:32,063 --> 01:26:34,023
- What?
- Come on.
1533
01:26:36,776 --> 01:26:40,488
Throughout the long and difficult
period of Watergate...
1534
01:26:40,988 --> 01:26:44,617
...I have felt it was my duty
to persevere...
1535
01:26:45,618 --> 01:26:48,913
...to make every possible effort
to complete the term of office...
1536
01:26:49,205 --> 01:26:51,123
...to which you elected me.
1537
01:26:51,499 --> 01:26:53,000
But as president...
1538
01:26:53,793 --> 01:26:57,255
...I must put the interest
of America first.
1539
01:26:58,673 --> 01:27:00,007
Therefore...
1540
01:27:01,008 --> 01:27:03,719
...I shall resign the presidency...
1541
01:27:04,011 --> 01:27:06,722
...effective at noon tomorrow.
1542
01:27:07,515 --> 01:27:10,518
Vice President Ford will be
sworn in at that hour...
1543
01:27:10,685 --> 01:27:13,521
- It's gonna be different now.
- ...in this office.
1544
01:27:14,522 --> 01:27:16,691
They'll never lie to us again.
1545
01:27:17,024 --> 01:27:19,026
[♪♪♪]
1546
01:27:29,704 --> 01:27:32,540
Isn't it against the law
to cut up the flag?
1547
01:27:33,457 --> 01:27:36,586
- Not if you sew it back together.
- Oh.
1548
01:27:36,752 --> 01:27:38,129
Right.
1549
01:27:39,839 --> 01:27:43,384
♪ You walked into the party ♪
1550
01:27:43,593 --> 01:27:47,680
♪ Like you were walkin' onto a yacht ♪
1551
01:27:48,389 --> 01:27:53,269
♪ Your hat strategically dipped
Below one eye ♪
1552
01:27:53,436 --> 01:27:56,981
♪ Your scarf, it was apricot ♪
1553
01:27:57,356 --> 01:28:01,402
♪ You had one eye in the mirror ♪
1554
01:28:01,569 --> 01:28:05,740
♪ As you watched yourself gavotte ♪
1555
01:28:06,032 --> 01:28:10,620
♪ And all the girls dreamed
That they'd be your partner ♪
1556
01:28:10,786 --> 01:28:13,706
♪ They'd be your partner and ♪
1557
01:28:13,873 --> 01:28:16,834
♪ You're so vain ♪
1558
01:28:17,668 --> 01:28:20,129
♪ You probably think
This song is about you ♪
1559
01:28:20,296 --> 01:28:21,505
[BOTH SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY]
1560
01:28:21,672 --> 01:28:24,133
- ♪ You're so vain ♪
- ♪ You're so vain ♪
1561
01:28:24,300 --> 01:28:27,595
♪ I'll bet you think
This song is about you ♪
1562
01:28:27,762 --> 01:28:30,348
♪ Don't you? Don't you? ♪
1563
01:28:30,556 --> 01:28:35,311
♪ Ah, you had me several years ago ♪
1564
01:28:35,686 --> 01:28:38,606
♪ When I was still quite naive ♪
1565
01:28:39,315 --> 01:28:44,570
♪ When you said that we made
Such a pretty pair ♪
1566
01:28:44,946 --> 01:28:48,491
♪ And that you would never leave ♪
1567
01:28:48,658 --> 01:28:53,704
♪ But you gave away
The things you loved ♪
1568
01:28:53,871 --> 01:28:57,124
♪ And one of them was me ♪
1569
01:28:57,291 --> 01:29:01,879
♪ I had some dreams
They were clouds in my coffee ♪
1570
01:29:02,046 --> 01:29:04,757
♪ Clouds in my coffee and ♪
1571
01:29:05,132 --> 01:29:07,843
♪ You're so vain ♪
1572
01:29:08,761 --> 01:29:12,056
♪ You probably think
This song is about you ♪
1573
01:29:12,223 --> 01:29:15,351
- ♪ You're so vain ♪
- ♪ You're so vain ♪
1574
01:29:15,518 --> 01:29:18,854
♪ I'll bet you think
This song is about you ♪
1575
01:29:19,021 --> 01:29:22,775
♪ Don't you? Don't you? Don't you? ♪
1576
01:29:23,359 --> 01:29:26,696
We look so fantastic.
1577
01:29:37,373 --> 01:29:40,584
BETSY: Oh, my God.
- We gotta hurry!
1578
01:29:48,217 --> 01:29:49,885
- Got it.
- Come on.
1579
01:29:50,094 --> 01:29:55,933
♪ They were clouds in my coffee
Clouds in my coffee and ♪
1580
01:29:56,100 --> 01:29:59,020
♪ You're so vain ♪
1581
01:29:59,812 --> 01:30:03,107
♪ You probably think
This song is about you ♪
1582
01:30:03,274 --> 01:30:06,068
- ♪ You're so vain ♪
- ♪ You're so vain ♪
1583
01:30:08,195 --> 01:30:09,196
Look!
1584
01:30:09,405 --> 01:30:12,158
You suck, Dick! Ha-ha-ha.
1585
01:30:16,620 --> 01:30:20,041
Whoo! Bye-bye!
1586
01:30:20,207 --> 01:30:22,376
BETSY:
Bye, Tricky Dick!
1587
01:30:22,543 --> 01:30:25,421
♪ You're so vain ♪
1588
01:30:25,588 --> 01:30:29,300
♪ You probably think
This song is about you ♪
1589
01:30:30,259 --> 01:30:34,263
♪ You're so vain ♪
1590
01:30:34,430 --> 01:30:38,267
♪ You probably think
This song is about you ♪
1591
01:30:39,101 --> 01:30:42,688
♪ You're so vain ♪♪
1592
01:30:52,490 --> 01:30:57,536
♪ Ooh, you can dance
You can jive ♪
1593
01:30:57,703 --> 01:31:01,207
♪ Having the time of your life ♪
1594
01:31:01,373 --> 01:31:06,504
♪ Ooh, see that girl
Watch that scene ♪
1595
01:31:06,670 --> 01:31:11,717
♪ Diggin' the dancing queen ♪
1596
01:31:16,931 --> 01:31:20,684
♪ Friday night and the lights are low ♪
1597
01:31:21,644 --> 01:31:25,272
♪ Looking out for a place to go ♪
1598
01:31:25,731 --> 01:31:28,609
♪ Mm, where they play the right music ♪
1599
01:31:28,776 --> 01:31:33,447
♪ Getting in the swing
You come to look for a king ♪
1600
01:31:35,950 --> 01:31:40,121
♪ Anybody could be that guy ♪
1601
01:31:40,663 --> 01:31:45,334
♪ The night is young
And the music's high ♪
1602
01:31:45,501 --> 01:31:47,711
♪ With a bit of rock music ♪
1603
01:31:47,878 --> 01:31:52,842
♪ Everything is fine
You're in the mood for a dance ♪
1604
01:31:53,926 --> 01:31:58,430
♪ And when you get the chance ♪
1605
01:31:58,597 --> 01:32:00,182
♪ You are the dancing queen ♪♪
1606
01:32:00,349 --> 01:32:04,311
♪ You can dance, you can jive ♪
1607
01:32:04,478 --> 01:32:07,815
♪ Having the time of your life ♪
1608
01:32:07,982 --> 01:32:12,778
♪ Ooh, see that girl
Watch that scene ♪
1609
01:32:12,945 --> 01:32:17,158
♪ Diggin' the dancing queen ♪
1610
01:32:31,755 --> 01:32:35,968
♪ You can dance, you can jive ♪
1611
01:32:36,135 --> 01:32:39,513
♪ Having the time of your life ♪
1612
01:32:39,722 --> 01:32:44,518
♪ Ooh, see that girl
Watch that scene ♪
1613
01:32:44,685 --> 01:32:48,439
♪ Diggin' the dancing queen ♪
1614
01:32:54,236 --> 01:32:57,323
♪ You're the teaser
You turn 'em on ♪
1615
01:32:58,699 --> 01:33:02,661
♪ Leave 'em burning
And then you're gone ♪
1616
01:33:03,204 --> 01:33:06,916
♪ Looking out for another
Anyone will do ♪
1617
01:33:07,082 --> 01:33:10,002
♪ You're in the mood for a dance ♪
1618
01:33:10,920 --> 01:33:15,216
♪ And when you get the chance ♪
1619
01:33:15,382 --> 01:33:20,012
♪ You are the dancing queen
Young and sweet ♪
1620
01:33:20,179 --> 01:33:23,974
♪ Only 17 ♪
1621
01:33:25,517 --> 01:33:28,979
♪ Dancing queen
Feel the beat ♪
1622
01:33:29,146 --> 01:33:33,400
♪ From the tambourine
Oh, yeah ♪
1623
01:33:34,443 --> 01:33:38,697
♪ You can dance, you can jive ♪
1624
01:33:38,864 --> 01:33:42,076
♪ Having the time of your life ♪
1625
01:33:42,243 --> 01:33:46,997
♪ Ooh, see that girl
Watch that scene ♪
1626
01:33:47,164 --> 01:33:50,918
♪ Diggin' the dancing queen ♪
1627
01:33:56,090 --> 01:33:59,677
♪ Diggin' the dancing queen ♪
1628
01:34:05,099 --> 01:34:08,644
♪ Diggin' the dancing queen ♪
1629
01:34:13,941 --> 01:34:18,153
♪ Diggin' the dancing queen ♪♪