1 00:00:24,941 --> 00:00:27,776 Dear Jamie, when we're together, 2 00:00:27,777 --> 00:00:31,238 I feel like we're not in high school, 3 00:00:31,239 --> 00:00:34,491 but in our own little Chris-andJamie world. 4 00:00:34,492 --> 00:00:36,869 Whether we're watching "Party of Five" 5 00:00:36,870 --> 00:00:39,413 or practicing our cheers, 6 00:00:39,414 --> 00:00:42,583 I feel like I can just be myself. 7 00:00:42,584 --> 00:00:46,920 Jamie, we've been friends for a really long time, 8 00:00:46,921 --> 00:00:48,922 but I want to be more than that. 9 00:00:48,923 --> 00:00:51,383 Oops! I don't think so. 10 00:00:53,928 --> 00:00:55,971 Hoping to be your boyfriend. 11 00:00:55,972 --> 00:00:57,973 Sincerely, Chris Brander. 12 00:00:57,974 --> 00:00:59,641 BFF! 13 00:01:28,588 --> 00:01:31,340 - Get out of my room! - Mom! 14 00:01:31,341 --> 00:01:34,510 Stupid ! Anybody ever hear of privacy around here?! 15 00:01:45,897 --> 00:01:47,606 Jamie! 16 00:01:47,607 --> 00:01:49,399 Yeah, I signed your yearbook. 17 00:01:49,400 --> 00:01:51,902 Oh, you feel the same way about me? 18 00:01:51,903 --> 00:01:53,529 Oh, you want a kiss? 19 00:01:55,532 --> 00:01:58,033 Jamie, I signed your yearbook. 20 00:01:58,034 --> 00:01:59,993 Jamie, I'm opening your gate. 21 00:02:17,428 --> 00:02:19,263 What's up, guys? 22 00:02:19,264 --> 00:02:21,265 - Class of '95. - Mm-mm. 23 00:02:21,266 --> 00:02:24,601 Hey, what's up, Leon, Trevor? Great season. Great. 24 00:02:28,106 --> 00:02:30,107 I love you. 25 00:02:30,108 --> 00:02:33,068 - Hey, guys. - Chris Brander, ladies and gentlemen! 26 00:02:33,069 --> 00:02:35,279 - Happy graduation, Chris. - What's going on? 27 00:02:35,280 --> 00:02:37,239 I thought it was supposed to be just the four of us. 28 00:02:37,240 --> 00:02:39,032 The Palaminos decided to throw Jamie 29 00:02:39,033 --> 00:02:41,618 - a surprise graduation party. - Oh, that's just great! 30 00:02:41,619 --> 00:02:44,329 - Tonight's the night. - Where is she? 31 00:02:44,330 --> 00:02:47,040 I think I saw her go in the garage with the football team. 32 00:02:48,251 --> 00:02:50,878 - Sweet. - Hey. No fear, Chris, huh? This is your 33 00:02:51,045 --> 00:02:53,839 - chance to get out of the "friend zone." - Yeah. 34 00:02:53,840 --> 00:02:55,799 - Huh? - Okay. 35 00:03:03,308 --> 00:03:05,809 Jamie. 36 00:03:05,810 --> 00:03:08,896 - Chris! - Yay! 37 00:03:08,897 --> 00:03:12,524 You came, finally! I'm so happy. 38 00:03:12,525 --> 00:03:15,611 Oh, come on, come on! 39 00:03:23,411 --> 00:03:25,871 Oh my God, we graduated ! 40 00:03:25,872 --> 00:03:27,414 Whoo! 41 00:03:29,584 --> 00:03:30,792 - God. - Yeah. 42 00:03:30,793 --> 00:03:33,212 What's up? 43 00:03:33,213 --> 00:03:36,256 There's something I've been meaning to say to you. 44 00:03:36,257 --> 00:03:38,508 Jamie! There you are. 45 00:03:38,509 --> 00:03:41,094 - Hey, Tim. - Shut up, chubs. 46 00:03:41,095 --> 00:03:43,513 Funny guy! 47 00:03:43,514 --> 00:03:45,849 Jamie. . . 48 00:03:45,850 --> 00:03:49,144 - will you sign my yearbook, please? - Can I do it later, Tim? 49 00:03:49,145 --> 00:03:51,897 Can I do you later? 50 00:03:55,276 --> 00:03:56,860 I need a beer! 51 00:03:57,028 --> 00:03:59,488 I can't believe. . . 52 00:03:59,489 --> 00:04:01,073 - I went out with him. - You went out with him. 53 00:04:01,074 --> 00:04:03,825 Jinx! 1-2-34-5-6-7, can't say a thing till I say. . . 54 00:04:09,958 --> 00:04:12,376 Come in. 55 00:04:14,671 --> 00:04:17,339 - Oh, hi. Hi, Jamie. - Hey, Dusty. 56 00:04:18,591 --> 00:04:20,842 I was hoping I'd find you here. 57 00:04:20,843 --> 00:04:22,594 I didn't know you played guitar. 58 00:04:22,595 --> 00:04:24,596 L- I r-really. . . 59 00:04:24,597 --> 00:04:27,557 - I really want to be a famous musician. - Huh. 60 00:04:27,558 --> 00:04:30,435 And, um, I wrote you a song. 61 00:04:30,436 --> 00:04:33,814 He wrote me a song ! That's so cute. 62 00:04:33,815 --> 00:04:35,565 It's called "Jamie Smiles." 63 00:04:35,566 --> 00:04:37,776 AW . 64 00:04:43,116 --> 00:04:44,491 Hold on. 65 00:04:51,666 --> 00:04:53,292 He's crazy. 66 00:04:55,253 --> 00:04:58,255 God damn it! Come on, Dusty! 67 00:04:58,256 --> 00:05:01,883 Dusty, come here. 68 00:05:01,884 --> 00:05:04,011 Maybe you should come back another time when you're. . . 69 00:05:04,012 --> 00:05:06,263 - Oh, no, I got it. - You can come back 70 00:05:06,264 --> 00:05:08,265 and then play it for us later, okay? 71 00:05:08,266 --> 00:05:10,392 - I really. . . I've got it. It's beautiful. - Yeah. 72 00:05:10,393 --> 00:05:12,185 - It is. - Bye, Dusty. 73 00:05:13,938 --> 00:05:15,689 Jesus. 74 00:05:15,690 --> 00:05:17,316 Yeah. 75 00:05:17,317 --> 00:05:19,484 Oh, I almost forgot. 76 00:05:19,485 --> 00:05:22,738 I got you a little something right here. 77 00:05:22,739 --> 00:05:24,740 Okay. Now I know it's a little dorky, 78 00:05:24,741 --> 00:05:26,742 but I had to do it. 79 00:05:26,743 --> 00:05:28,744 So look at it. 80 00:05:28,745 --> 00:05:30,746 Will you put it on for me? 81 00:05:30,747 --> 00:05:32,622 - Now? - Please, please? Put it on. 82 00:05:32,623 --> 00:05:35,167 - Okay. Quickly. - Okay okay okay okay. 83 00:05:35,168 --> 00:05:36,918 - I think it's gonna fit. - Yeah. 84 00:05:36,919 --> 00:05:39,129 - Let's see. - Okay. 85 00:05:39,130 --> 00:05:41,006 - Here we go. - Okay. 86 00:05:45,887 --> 00:05:47,679 It's a little snug. 87 00:05:47,680 --> 00:05:50,182 Oh my God, isn't that so cute? 88 00:05:50,183 --> 00:05:52,184 "Shakes come and go, 89 00:05:52,185 --> 00:05:53,852 but friends are furrr-ever!" 90 00:05:53,853 --> 00:05:56,021 That's adorable! Let's go show my mom. 91 00:05:56,022 --> 00:05:58,106 She'll love it. Let's go show her. Come on. 92 00:05:58,107 --> 00:06:00,067 - Let's not. No no. Come on. - Chris, she's gonna love it! 93 00:06:00,068 --> 00:06:01,443 Just. . . just wait. 94 00:06:01,444 --> 00:06:04,571 - Just. . . we're busy! - Chris, are you okay? 95 00:06:04,572 --> 00:06:06,865 Yes, I'm fine. I just. . . 96 00:06:08,159 --> 00:06:09,826 I signed your yearbook. 97 00:06:10,912 --> 00:06:12,454 Um. . . 98 00:06:12,455 --> 00:06:15,165 read it. . . please. 99 00:06:15,166 --> 00:06:16,249 Okay. 100 00:06:20,421 --> 00:06:23,048 Please, God. 101 00:06:23,049 --> 00:06:26,635 "Stud muffin, getting it on in your love truck was hot!" 102 00:06:26,636 --> 00:06:29,012 - Oh! - Wait! That's not what I wrote! 103 00:06:29,013 --> 00:06:30,931 This is Tim's yearbook. 104 00:06:32,517 --> 00:06:35,143 - Chris? - Oh my God ! 105 00:06:35,144 --> 00:06:37,604 Listen to this. Listen to this. 106 00:06:37,605 --> 00:06:39,439 "When we're together, I feel". . . 107 00:06:39,440 --> 00:06:41,441 - Gimme! - "Like we're not in high school, but we're 108 00:06:41,442 --> 00:06:44,236 - in our own Chris-andJamie little world." - Tim. . . okay. 109 00:06:44,237 --> 00:06:46,363 Okay. 110 00:06:46,364 --> 00:06:48,698 - "You're my best friend. . ." - Please, don't read that. 111 00:06:48,699 --> 00:06:50,700 "But I want to be more than that"? 112 00:06:50,701 --> 00:06:52,244 Ooh! 113 00:06:52,245 --> 00:06:54,329 "Hoping to be your boyfriend. 114 00:06:54,330 --> 00:06:57,833 Sincerely, Chris Brander, BFF." 115 00:06:57,834 --> 00:07:00,877 It's a joke! That's a joke between me and Jamie! 116 00:07:01,045 --> 00:07:02,796 Holy shit! Check out his shirt! 117 00:07:10,888 --> 00:07:13,056 Aw, he's gonna cry. 118 00:07:13,057 --> 00:07:14,766 See ya! 119 00:07:15,977 --> 00:07:17,811 G'bye, fatty! 120 00:07:19,105 --> 00:07:20,689 Chris! 121 00:07:20,690 --> 00:07:23,150 Try a salad ! 122 00:07:23,151 --> 00:07:25,026 - Chris! - Leave me alone! 123 00:07:25,194 --> 00:07:27,446 Don't worry about it. It happens to everybody. 124 00:07:27,447 --> 00:07:30,782 Chris! We need to talk about what you wrote. 125 00:07:30,783 --> 00:07:32,784 Is that really how you feel? 126 00:07:32,785 --> 00:07:35,370 I don't know. Maybe. Why? 127 00:07:35,371 --> 00:07:38,331 Because that's the nicest thing anyone's ever written me. 128 00:07:38,332 --> 00:07:40,500 It was? 129 00:07:40,501 --> 00:07:41,918 Yes. 130 00:07:41,919 --> 00:07:44,004 I love you, Chris. . . 131 00:07:47,091 --> 00:07:49,551 - like a brother. - Hmm? 132 00:07:49,552 --> 00:07:53,346 - We're friends, right? - For sure! 133 00:07:55,433 --> 00:07:57,434 Ah, you pussy! 134 00:07:57,435 --> 00:07:58,935 Shut up, Tim! 135 00:08:01,230 --> 00:08:03,940 Don't you people have anything better to do?! 136 00:08:03,941 --> 00:08:05,901 God ! Just leave him alone! 137 00:08:07,778 --> 00:08:09,905 You jerks! 138 00:08:10,072 --> 00:08:11,907 - I'll show you ! - Ooh! 139 00:08:11,908 --> 00:08:14,326 I'll show all of you ! 140 00:08:14,327 --> 00:08:17,287 This town is full of losers 141 00:08:17,288 --> 00:08:19,039 and I'm pulling out to win! 142 00:08:19,040 --> 00:08:21,249 Chris! Chris, come back! 143 00:08:21,250 --> 00:08:24,711 - My name is Chris Brander! - Chris, let's talk! 144 00:08:24,712 --> 00:08:27,130 You remember that name! 'Cause I'm gonna be somebody! 145 00:08:53,199 --> 00:08:54,866 I don't know what to say. 146 00:08:54,867 --> 00:08:57,327 I mean, the sex is good, 147 00:08:57,328 --> 00:08:59,037 but I'm a person too. 148 00:08:59,038 --> 00:09:01,289 I mean, I have feelings and needs 149 00:09:01,290 --> 00:09:02,707 other than just physical ! 150 00:09:02,708 --> 00:09:05,752 Don't you have anything to say for yourself? 151 00:09:07,129 --> 00:09:09,130 I think you've pretty much said it all. 152 00:09:09,131 --> 00:09:12,133 You know what? This just isn't working out. 153 00:09:12,134 --> 00:09:14,803 Have a great life, 'cause Athena's out! 154 00:09:17,682 --> 00:09:19,849 I don't know why you just don't take me serious! 155 00:09:24,146 --> 00:09:26,147 Wow! 156 00:09:26,148 --> 00:09:28,024 I guess Athena's out. 157 00:09:29,318 --> 00:09:30,652 God, can you believe that? 158 00:09:30,653 --> 00:09:32,654 I get dumped four days before Christmas. 159 00:09:32,655 --> 00:09:34,656 - I saw. - Yeah, and yet, you did nothing. 160 00:09:34,657 --> 00:09:36,408 Technically, that makes you an accomplice. 161 00:09:36,409 --> 00:09:37,909 Guilty as charged. 162 00:09:37,910 --> 00:09:40,620 You know, in some cultures they'd spank you for that. 163 00:09:40,621 --> 00:09:42,622 Oh, I love to travel. 164 00:09:43,958 --> 00:09:46,084 - Chris Brander. - I'm Mandy. 165 00:09:46,085 --> 00:09:48,837 Of course you are. You know, I know a song called "Mandy." 166 00:09:48,838 --> 00:09:50,714 Oh! 167 00:09:52,049 --> 00:09:53,758 He shoots, he scores. 168 00:09:57,096 --> 00:10:00,348 - Nice, nice! - Yeah, Brander! Great job, Brander! 169 00:10:00,349 --> 00:10:03,643 You're the bad bunny. No. No, that's you. 170 00:10:03,644 --> 00:10:05,937 You're the bad bunny. Yeah. 171 00:10:05,938 --> 00:10:07,731 Okay, that's enough out of you. 172 00:10:07,732 --> 00:10:09,816 Next time you call me, you call me collect. 173 00:10:09,817 --> 00:10:11,860 Okay. Bye-bye. 174 00:10:11,861 --> 00:10:14,571 - So how'd it go last night? - Home by 10:00. 175 00:10:14,572 --> 00:10:16,948 Pants off in front of the computer by 10:01. 176 00:10:16,949 --> 00:10:19,451 Nice. What about Sheila? Are you making any headway? 177 00:10:19,452 --> 00:10:21,411 We'll see. I'm taking her to lunch today. . . 178 00:10:21,412 --> 00:10:23,580 Oh, whoa, whoa whoa. Don't. . . don't do that. 179 00:10:23,581 --> 00:10:25,332 - Okay? Don't do lunch. - Why? 180 00:10:25,333 --> 00:10:27,542 That's like the express lane to the friend zone. 181 00:10:27,543 --> 00:10:29,919 What the hell's the friend zone? 182 00:10:29,920 --> 00:10:32,130 See when a girl decides that you're her friend, 183 00:10:32,131 --> 00:10:33,757 you're no longer a dating option. 184 00:10:33,758 --> 00:10:36,301 You become a complete non-sexual entity in her eyes, 185 00:10:36,302 --> 00:10:38,136 like her brother. Or a lamp. 186 00:10:38,137 --> 00:10:39,763 I don't want to be a lamp. 187 00:10:39,764 --> 00:10:41,931 Yeah. Well, then don't be her friend, okay? 188 00:10:41,932 --> 00:10:45,143 Oh. Take that guy, for example. 189 00:10:45,144 --> 00:10:47,270 - You mean that couple? - No no no. 190 00:10:47,271 --> 00:10:49,898 No, I mean the guy that wishes they were a couple. 191 00:10:49,899 --> 00:10:51,733 - What is your point? - My point is. . . 192 00:10:51,734 --> 00:10:54,611 call Sheila, Ray. Call her right now. 193 00:10:54,612 --> 00:10:56,529 Move your day date to tonight. 194 00:10:56,530 --> 00:10:59,491 Play the entire thing aloof and no matter what you do, kiss her at the end. 195 00:10:59,492 --> 00:11:02,827 - 'Cause friends don't kiss. - All right. "Aloof." 196 00:11:02,828 --> 00:11:05,288 Hi. 197 00:11:08,918 --> 00:11:10,752 - Straight to voicemail. - Ouch. 198 00:11:10,753 --> 00:11:13,421 Hope you're not too late. You may already be girlfriends. 199 00:11:13,422 --> 00:11:16,841 - Really? How will I know? - Look. It doesn't matter, okay? 200 00:11:16,842 --> 00:11:20,720 If you feel yourself going there, walk away. 201 00:11:20,721 --> 00:11:22,472 Where'd you come up with this theory? 202 00:11:22,473 --> 00:11:25,308 Some chick f'd me up in high school bad. 203 00:11:25,309 --> 00:11:27,686 Excuse me. Excuse me. 204 00:11:27,687 --> 00:11:29,229 Excuse you ! 205 00:11:29,230 --> 00:11:30,897 I saw you flirting with me out there. 206 00:11:30,898 --> 00:11:33,149 How could you do that to your boyfriend? 207 00:11:33,150 --> 00:11:35,443 Who, him? We're just friends. 208 00:11:38,197 --> 00:11:41,032 Oh, no no no, I never said that, Lindsay. I wouldn't do that. 209 00:11:41,033 --> 00:11:43,201 No, I'm driving through a tunnel. 210 00:11:43,202 --> 00:11:45,745 Okay. One second here. Hey, Francine, you look great. 211 00:11:45,746 --> 00:11:49,165 - Thanks. - That color really brings out your legs. 212 00:11:49,166 --> 00:11:52,210 Hey, I don't even know you. Yeah. Ho-ho-ho. 213 00:11:52,211 --> 00:11:53,878 That's great. Merry Christmas. 214 00:11:53,879 --> 00:11:56,089 I can still see it. I can still. . . rub harder! 215 00:11:56,090 --> 00:11:57,799 Don't dab at it! Rub it. 216 00:11:57,800 --> 00:12:00,009 Rub, rub it, rub it! 217 00:12:00,010 --> 00:12:02,262 Look, honestly, these pants make me look fat? 218 00:12:02,263 --> 00:12:04,097 - Well. . . - You're fired ! 219 00:12:04,098 --> 00:12:06,015 - What? - I'm kidding. 220 00:12:06,016 --> 00:12:08,643 Ho-ho-ho! Who's got a Christmas present? 221 00:12:08,644 --> 00:12:10,270 I do. 222 00:12:10,271 --> 00:12:12,272 How you doing, boss? Merry Christmas. 223 00:12:12,273 --> 00:12:14,274 - I look fat in these pants? - Hell no. 224 00:12:14,275 --> 00:12:16,317 Excellent! So you're seeing your family 225 00:12:16,318 --> 00:12:18,528 - for the holidays. - Well, as a matter of fact. . . 226 00:12:18,529 --> 00:12:19,904 - Wait. You want anything? - No. 227 00:12:20,072 --> 00:12:22,866 Go! Wait. 228 00:12:22,867 --> 00:12:24,826 - Family. - Parents are separated. 229 00:12:24,827 --> 00:12:26,786 - Jersey's not my idea of a good time, so. . . - Fabulous. 230 00:12:26,787 --> 00:12:28,580 - Check this out. - Yeah. Great. Good. 231 00:12:28,581 --> 00:12:31,916 First up tonight, you've seen her in the pages of magazines, 232 00:12:31,917 --> 00:12:33,918 and well, the opening of practically anything, 233 00:12:33,919 --> 00:12:36,171 but what what you may not know about this "it" girl. . . 234 00:12:36,172 --> 00:12:37,964 is her humanitarian side. 235 00:12:37,965 --> 00:12:39,591 Hey, everyone. I'm Samantha James 236 00:12:39,592 --> 00:12:41,092 and I'm here with Mr. Cluck Cluck 237 00:12:41,093 --> 00:12:43,136 and my new best friend Wafoofi 238 00:12:43,137 --> 00:12:45,472 and we're part of a kick-ass humanitarian effort 239 00:12:45,473 --> 00:12:48,183 to help promote vegetarianism in third world countries, 240 00:12:48,184 --> 00:12:49,934 which is really really important. 241 00:12:49,935 --> 00:12:52,979 Okay, and speaking of really really important. . . 242 00:12:52,980 --> 00:12:55,648 I have some good news. 243 00:12:55,649 --> 00:12:57,442 I've been recording for my new album 244 00:12:57,443 --> 00:12:59,444 which I hope to have out early next. . . 245 00:13:00,946 --> 00:13:03,782 - I want that album. - Hah! What?! 246 00:13:03,783 --> 00:13:05,283 - Samantha James? - Yeah. 247 00:13:05,284 --> 00:13:07,368 No no no no. Listen to me very carefully now. 248 00:13:07,369 --> 00:13:09,662 Samantha James is a crazy person. 249 00:13:09,663 --> 00:13:11,831 Hey, you're the one that used to diddle her, not me. 250 00:13:11,832 --> 00:13:14,918 It was one date! And I ended up in the hospital. 251 00:13:14,919 --> 00:13:17,504 Have you seen this poster? Huh? Have you seen. . . 252 00:13:17,505 --> 00:13:19,339 - this poster? - Yeah, with the fruit. 253 00:13:19,340 --> 00:13:22,050 This is the hottest-selling poster in the United States. 254 00:13:22,051 --> 00:13:24,135 People love her. They love her! 255 00:13:24,136 --> 00:13:26,054 Oh, who loves her? 256 00:13:26,055 --> 00:13:28,640 MTV just got her a new reality show next year. 257 00:13:28,641 --> 00:13:32,227 We time the CD release with the show, we got a guaranteed hit 258 00:13:32,228 --> 00:13:33,728 plus free promotion. 259 00:13:33,729 --> 00:13:36,314 - She's recording over. . . - I know where she's recording. 260 00:13:36,315 --> 00:13:39,609 Good. Good. Make me happy. 261 00:13:39,610 --> 00:13:41,444 Go away. Wait. Not you. 262 00:13:41,445 --> 00:13:43,363 Wait! 263 00:13:43,364 --> 00:13:46,407 You don't make me happy, I'm gonna find somebody else to make me happy. 264 00:13:46,408 --> 00:13:48,827 Loud and clear. Yeah. Clear as a bell. 265 00:13:48,828 --> 00:13:49,828 - Good. - Okay. 266 00:13:49,829 --> 00:13:51,371 What are you still doing here? 267 00:13:51,372 --> 00:13:52,622 Go! Go get me lobster! 268 00:13:52,623 --> 00:13:54,332 Go! Run! Lobster! 269 00:13:54,333 --> 00:13:56,251 Run away! Run! Daddy want a fish! 270 00:14:41,005 --> 00:14:43,923 Cut! Cut! 271 00:14:45,467 --> 00:14:48,553 Okay, Ron, which jokester changed the key on me? 272 00:14:48,554 --> 00:14:50,346 No one, Samantha. 273 00:14:50,347 --> 00:14:52,849 It's been the same key for the last 43 takes. 274 00:14:52,850 --> 00:14:56,477 Well, something's off then, because I'm just not feeling it, okay? 275 00:14:56,478 --> 00:14:58,354 God, I need my guitar. 276 00:14:58,355 --> 00:15:01,065 - We need to mix the tracks separately. - No! 277 00:15:01,066 --> 00:15:05,570 My lyrics say "dancing free with my guitar," Ron. 278 00:15:05,571 --> 00:15:07,780 So, I'm gonna be real, okay? 279 00:15:07,781 --> 00:15:10,241 I'm not gonna let you and Hong Kong Phooey up there 280 00:15:10,242 --> 00:15:13,912 turn me into some poppy bubblegum wannabe. 281 00:15:13,913 --> 00:15:15,914 Okay? I need to transcend ! 282 00:15:15,915 --> 00:15:17,749 Are you guys even listening to me? 283 00:15:25,758 --> 00:15:27,717 She's all yours. 284 00:15:27,718 --> 00:15:29,886 Chris! 285 00:15:33,807 --> 00:15:36,517 Hey! 286 00:15:36,518 --> 00:15:39,812 I can't hear you, Samantha. I can't hear you, Samantha. 287 00:15:40,898 --> 00:15:42,065 - Can't hear you. - Oh. 288 00:15:42,066 --> 00:15:45,902 Oh, light bulb. There you go. 289 00:15:49,114 --> 00:15:51,324 Oh my God, I don't believe it! 290 00:15:51,325 --> 00:15:53,451 God, I've missed you. 291 00:15:53,452 --> 00:15:55,370 Oh. . . okay. 292 00:15:59,249 --> 00:16:02,168 Wait a minute. Are you here because you miss me, 293 00:16:02,169 --> 00:16:04,879 or are you just here because your boss wants to sign me? 294 00:16:06,674 --> 00:16:08,758 Both? 295 00:16:08,759 --> 00:16:11,511 That's cool. Guess I missed you too. 296 00:16:12,763 --> 00:16:14,847 God, I want to lick your skin off! 297 00:16:14,848 --> 00:16:16,975 - I prefer you didn't. - But I want to. 298 00:16:16,976 --> 00:16:19,310 Don't. 299 00:16:21,105 --> 00:16:22,647 Ow! 300 00:16:22,648 --> 00:16:25,316 Ooh, you're gonna get it. You're gonna get it, baby. 301 00:16:25,317 --> 00:16:28,736 - I don't want it. - Bad kitty. Meow, meow. 302 00:16:28,737 --> 00:16:30,905 - Okay. - Oh! Listen, what're you doing 303 00:16:30,906 --> 00:16:33,366 - over the holidays? - I'm going to Santa Barbara. . . 304 00:16:33,367 --> 00:16:34,617 'Cause Paris is throwing a Christmas bash in Paris. 305 00:16:34,618 --> 00:16:36,202 Okay, Paris isn't gonna work for. . . 306 00:16:36,203 --> 00:16:38,329 I'm gonna call my assistant and we're gonna go tonight. 307 00:16:38,330 --> 00:16:40,707 We can work and play. Mreow. 308 00:16:40,708 --> 00:16:42,959 Oh my God ! I just wrote a new song. You have to hear it! 309 00:16:46,630 --> 00:16:48,464 This one's called "Forgiveness." 310 00:16:48,465 --> 00:16:50,758 Ahem. 311 00:17:28,839 --> 00:17:31,132 So what did you you think? 312 00:17:31,133 --> 00:17:33,301 Ah! 313 00:17:33,302 --> 00:17:36,095 I mean, my God ! 314 00:17:36,096 --> 00:17:38,139 Oh my God, you're sweet. 315 00:17:39,516 --> 00:17:42,101 - What is that? - This is a taser gun. 316 00:17:42,102 --> 00:17:44,604 My publicist gave it to me to ward off stalkers. 317 00:17:44,605 --> 00:17:46,856 Bam! Ha ha ha! 318 00:17:46,857 --> 00:17:50,443 Ooh, ahi tuna. 319 00:17:50,444 --> 00:17:53,279 - You want some? Yummy yummy. - I'll pass. 320 00:17:53,280 --> 00:17:55,656 Ahi ! 321 00:17:55,657 --> 00:17:58,493 Oh, I'm so glad KC got us back together. 322 00:17:58,494 --> 00:18:00,369 Yeah, you're awful. 323 00:18:00,370 --> 00:18:02,955 Hey, I have a great idea. 324 00:18:02,956 --> 00:18:05,291 What if on our way to Paris we stop off in Ireland 325 00:18:05,292 --> 00:18:07,168 and find out where U2 lives? 326 00:18:07,169 --> 00:18:10,046 What if we got someone like Bono to sing backup? 327 00:18:15,552 --> 00:18:17,595 Wouldn't that be amazing? 328 00:18:17,596 --> 00:18:20,348 Ah! What if I added more vibrato? 329 00:18:40,452 --> 00:18:43,246 Okay. Who's the genius behind this? 330 00:18:43,247 --> 00:18:45,581 The container said "microwavable." 331 00:18:45,582 --> 00:18:47,166 But the aluminum foil wasn't. 332 00:18:47,167 --> 00:18:49,752 Well, I'm not supposed to worry about stuff like that. 333 00:18:49,753 --> 00:18:51,254 I'm the talent. 334 00:18:51,255 --> 00:18:53,673 Daddy, we're down. 335 00:18:53,674 --> 00:18:55,675 Not exactly warm out here, is it? 336 00:18:55,676 --> 00:18:58,761 - How long till we're airborne again? - Nice plane! 337 00:18:58,762 --> 00:19:01,430 - Not till tomorrow. - Ah, terrific. Where are we? 338 00:19:01,431 --> 00:19:03,057 Not happy! 339 00:19:03,058 --> 00:19:05,893 We're on a private field an hour outside of Trenton. 340 00:19:05,894 --> 00:19:08,896 Jersey? We're in New Jersey? 341 00:19:08,897 --> 00:19:11,941 Hey, wait a minute. Am I being Punk'd? 342 00:19:11,942 --> 00:19:13,901 Where's Ashton? Ha! 343 00:19:13,902 --> 00:19:14,944 Ashton! 344 00:19:14,945 --> 00:19:16,946 Oh my God ! Ha ha. 345 00:19:16,947 --> 00:19:18,948 You totally got me! 346 00:19:18,949 --> 00:19:20,700 Ashton? 347 00:19:22,911 --> 00:19:25,538 I love it that you're taking me home to meet your mom. 348 00:19:25,539 --> 00:19:27,498 Was this one of your clever little plans? 349 00:19:27,499 --> 00:19:29,750 Yes. I planned you setting the plane on fire. 350 00:19:30,919 --> 00:19:33,796 Surprise! 351 00:19:36,550 --> 00:19:38,467 Ow! 352 00:19:38,468 --> 00:19:40,970 Oh, my little boy. 353 00:19:44,808 --> 00:19:46,684 Be right down. 354 00:20:34,358 --> 00:20:36,734 I do not remember Jersey being this cold. 355 00:20:36,735 --> 00:20:39,278 Well, it's been uncommonly cold this month. 356 00:20:39,279 --> 00:20:42,615 We've gone through seven bags of rock salt. 357 00:20:42,616 --> 00:20:44,367 Your house is just so quaint, Mrs. Brander, 358 00:20:44,368 --> 00:20:46,911 I mean, Chris, you never told me you were so provincial. 359 00:20:46,912 --> 00:20:49,288 It's like a true rags to riches story, 360 00:20:49,289 --> 00:20:51,791 but I've always found the middle class to be just so much more real. 361 00:20:53,293 --> 00:20:55,670 I mean, isn't Chris great? 362 00:20:55,671 --> 00:20:57,672 Yeah, he is a nice boy. 363 00:20:57,673 --> 00:21:01,008 You know, he usually flies us out to Los Angeles. 364 00:21:01,009 --> 00:21:03,010 It's been, uh. . . 365 00:21:03,011 --> 00:21:05,388 oh, nine, 10. . . 366 00:21:05,389 --> 00:21:07,598 - It's 10 years. Yeah. - 10? 367 00:21:07,599 --> 00:21:09,976 10 years since he's been home. 368 00:21:09,977 --> 00:21:12,478 - All right. Good job, Dougie. - Oh, hi, honey! 369 00:21:15,565 --> 00:21:17,316 Oh my God. 370 00:21:17,317 --> 00:21:20,319 - Mikey. - Oh my God ! 371 00:21:21,947 --> 00:21:25,241 - Is that my Christmas present? - Sam, my younger brother Mike. 372 00:21:25,242 --> 00:21:27,952 - Samantha James. - Samantha James. 373 00:21:27,953 --> 00:21:30,329 Mike Brander. It is an honor. 374 00:21:30,330 --> 00:21:32,623 I have your poster on my wall, 375 00:21:32,624 --> 00:21:35,876 - but you are way hotter in person. - I know! 376 00:21:36,044 --> 00:21:38,587 - You have her poster on your wall? - Yeah. 377 00:21:38,588 --> 00:21:40,715 I slapped the ham to it like an hour ago. 378 00:21:40,716 --> 00:21:42,758 What ham did you slap? 379 00:21:42,759 --> 00:21:45,344 Not the ham that I just bought? 380 00:21:45,345 --> 00:21:48,472 Oh, Mrs. Brander, do you have anything else besides ham? 381 00:21:48,473 --> 00:21:50,266 Because I'm on the Perricone diet 382 00:21:50,267 --> 00:21:52,143 and I need salmon like now. 383 00:21:52,144 --> 00:21:55,688 I love salmon. It's the prettiest color for bedrooms. 384 00:21:55,689 --> 00:21:58,774 - So relaxing. - I'm gonna start drinking. 385 00:21:58,775 --> 00:22:00,776 Um, does anybody want anything? Some coffee? 386 00:22:00,944 --> 00:22:02,611 Maybe some salmon or something? 387 00:22:02,612 --> 00:22:04,613 Just gonna. . . 388 00:22:04,614 --> 00:22:06,324 yeah. 389 00:22:06,325 --> 00:22:08,034 Mike! Good to be home. 390 00:22:16,209 --> 00:22:19,920 Oh, boy. Okay. 391 00:22:19,921 --> 00:22:23,466 Hi. Yes, I know, very exciting. 392 00:22:23,467 --> 00:22:26,135 Hi. Hi. 393 00:22:26,136 --> 00:22:28,137 Oh. Chris, let's get it to go. 394 00:22:28,138 --> 00:22:30,181 People are staring at me. 395 00:22:31,767 --> 00:22:33,768 Oh my God. . . plastic menus! 396 00:22:33,769 --> 00:22:36,562 Well, this isn't gonna work, is it now, Chris? 397 00:22:36,563 --> 00:22:37,521 Chris? 398 00:22:40,650 --> 00:22:42,693 Excuse me, but I was wondering if you think 399 00:22:42,694 --> 00:22:44,820 America will ever switch to the metric system? 400 00:22:44,821 --> 00:22:46,572 Well, that's a very interesting. . . 401 00:22:48,241 --> 00:22:51,869 - Oh my God ! Chris! - I don't believe this! 402 00:22:51,870 --> 00:22:55,122 - Oh! God, you look great! - I don't. . . you look great! 403 00:22:55,123 --> 00:22:57,666 - Well, thank you ! How you been? - We're married. 404 00:22:57,667 --> 00:22:59,835 - You're married ! - Married? 405 00:22:59,836 --> 00:23:02,463 - Oh, yeah, we're married, we got a kid. TJ. - We have a son. TJ. 406 00:23:02,464 --> 00:23:04,673 - TJ ! - He looks like me. He's got Clark's eyes. . . 407 00:23:04,674 --> 00:23:06,717 Oh my God ! Where does the time go? 408 00:23:06,718 --> 00:23:09,303 He's like the creative mind kid, he's like, brilliant and you can meet him. 409 00:23:09,304 --> 00:23:11,931 - That's great! - God, look at those teeth! 410 00:23:11,932 --> 00:23:13,891 Those are some nice veneers you got, my friend. 411 00:23:13,892 --> 00:23:15,935 - Don't tell me that you're a dentist. - A dentist? 412 00:23:15,936 --> 00:23:19,730 - I totally sold out, dude. - Hey, you and me both, buddy. 413 00:23:19,731 --> 00:23:22,608 Hey, lover, aren't you gonna introduce me, huh? 414 00:23:22,609 --> 00:23:24,276 Yes! 415 00:23:24,277 --> 00:23:26,070 Samantha, these are my old friends. 416 00:23:26,071 --> 00:23:28,322 This is Clark, this is Darla. 417 00:23:28,323 --> 00:23:31,409 Your names are "Clark" and "Darla"? 418 00:23:31,410 --> 00:23:32,618 - Yeah. - Mm-hm. 419 00:23:32,619 --> 00:23:35,371 Oh my God, that is so cute! 420 00:23:35,372 --> 00:23:37,373 I just wanna eat you both up! 421 00:23:39,209 --> 00:23:42,169 Okay, I am gonna go to the little girl's room. 422 00:23:42,170 --> 00:23:44,130 - Good. - And then we're outie. 423 00:23:44,131 --> 00:23:46,966 - Okay. - Okay. 424 00:23:46,967 --> 00:23:49,927 She's. . . uh, incoming. 425 00:23:49,928 --> 00:23:51,804 Oh my God. 426 00:23:51,805 --> 00:23:54,181 Check out that girl's ass. Huge! 427 00:23:55,642 --> 00:23:57,643 It was so nice meeting you. 428 00:23:59,438 --> 00:24:02,898 Mm. Darla. 429 00:24:06,778 --> 00:24:08,946 She's adorable. 430 00:24:08,947 --> 00:24:11,282 - And affectionate. - Christ sakes. 431 00:24:11,283 --> 00:24:14,368 - Chris Brander, ladies and gentlemen! - Yes! You guys, so good. . . 432 00:24:14,369 --> 00:24:16,745 Chris Brander? Chris Brander? 433 00:24:16,746 --> 00:24:18,372 Holy. . . 434 00:24:18,373 --> 00:24:22,042 I saw you at the Grammys sitting next to P. Diddy! 435 00:24:23,128 --> 00:24:24,879 It's me Tim. You remember? 436 00:24:24,880 --> 00:24:26,255 Oh, how could I forget you, Tim? 437 00:24:26,256 --> 00:24:28,257 Hey, you got $5 438 00:24:28,258 --> 00:24:30,342 that I can, like, have? 439 00:24:31,428 --> 00:24:33,471 Yeah. 440 00:24:33,472 --> 00:24:35,264 You keep living the dream, Tim. 441 00:24:35,265 --> 00:24:36,223 Done! 442 00:24:36,224 --> 00:24:37,433 Buh-bye now. 443 00:24:37,434 --> 00:24:40,478 - Class of '95! - Class of '95! 444 00:24:40,479 --> 00:24:42,271 Here's your money, bitch! 445 00:24:42,272 --> 00:24:44,565 - He looks good. - Man, I can't believe. . . 446 00:24:44,566 --> 00:24:46,775 wha. . . like what happened? Where did you go? 447 00:24:46,776 --> 00:24:49,612 Hey, you know. . . just migrated west. 448 00:24:49,821 --> 00:24:52,406 You know, I'm living the dream out there, I guess. 449 00:24:52,407 --> 00:24:54,533 I just stayed with my dad for awhile, and. . . 450 00:24:54,534 --> 00:24:57,953 yeah, hocked my soul for a record executive job. . . 451 00:24:57,954 --> 00:25:01,123 and started. . . I mean I had an internship first 452 00:25:01,124 --> 00:25:02,500 - a couple of years. - Uh-huh, right. 453 00:25:05,045 --> 00:25:07,338 Jamie. 454 00:25:11,426 --> 00:25:12,843 Jamie? 455 00:25:14,262 --> 00:25:16,931 - Chris, hi ! - Hi ! 456 00:25:16,932 --> 00:25:19,892 What are you doing down there? 457 00:25:19,893 --> 00:25:22,853 Oh, I'm just busted ! 458 00:25:22,854 --> 00:25:26,440 How are you? Oh, shit. Hold on. 459 00:25:27,526 --> 00:25:29,568 Wow! 460 00:25:29,569 --> 00:25:31,362 Look at you ! 461 00:25:31,363 --> 00:25:33,030 Oh my God, 462 00:25:33,031 --> 00:25:35,366 I can put my arms around you. 463 00:25:37,202 --> 00:25:39,870 - You look so great! Look at this body! - Thank you. 464 00:25:39,871 --> 00:25:41,664 - You're like a new man! - Yeah. 465 00:25:41,665 --> 00:25:44,667 These arms and your belly, 466 00:25:44,668 --> 00:25:46,752 and look at. . . pecs, and. . . 467 00:25:46,753 --> 00:25:49,380 Wow! Chris Brander. 468 00:25:49,381 --> 00:25:52,216 God. Jamie Palamino. 469 00:25:55,428 --> 00:25:58,347 So, um. . . so how long are you in town for? 470 00:25:58,348 --> 00:26:00,558 Um, just the night, actually. 471 00:26:00,559 --> 00:26:02,851 Just one night, really? You can't stay any longer? 472 00:26:02,852 --> 00:26:06,105 No. I wish I could, but l. . . 473 00:26:06,106 --> 00:26:08,023 Let's go, Chris. There's pee on the floor. 474 00:26:10,819 --> 00:26:14,446 - Yeah. - Okay, um. . . 475 00:26:14,447 --> 00:26:17,116 all right, well. . . 476 00:26:17,117 --> 00:26:20,744 - it's really great to see you again. - You too. 477 00:26:20,745 --> 00:26:23,330 Oh. 478 00:26:23,331 --> 00:26:24,790 Wow. . . 479 00:26:28,003 --> 00:26:29,920 Just give me a call sometime. 480 00:26:29,921 --> 00:26:32,047 I'm living with my parents. 481 00:26:32,048 --> 00:26:34,925 Oh, I know. I'm living with my parents. 482 00:26:36,344 --> 00:26:38,012 Okay, bye. 483 00:26:39,347 --> 00:26:41,265 - Bye. - Bye. 484 00:26:43,768 --> 00:26:46,937 - Jamie Pal. - Whoa! 485 00:26:46,938 --> 00:26:48,439 She's like a box of fine wine. 486 00:26:48,440 --> 00:26:51,233 You would know. 487 00:26:51,234 --> 00:26:53,944 You know, in high school you'd never get a girl like that. 488 00:26:53,945 --> 00:26:55,904 And now you get whoever you want. 489 00:26:58,033 --> 00:27:00,784 I bet you could definitely hit Jamie Pal. 490 00:27:00,785 --> 00:27:03,245 - Definitely. - Okay. Okay. 491 00:27:08,168 --> 00:27:09,918 - Excuse me. - Oh yeah. 492 00:27:09,919 --> 00:27:12,212 You go! Whoo! 493 00:27:12,213 --> 00:27:14,548 - Hey! - Hey! 494 00:27:14,549 --> 00:27:17,926 Look, there is a chance that my flight might be delayed an extra day. 495 00:27:17,927 --> 00:27:20,429 - What are you doing tomorrow? - Um, nothing. 496 00:27:20,430 --> 00:27:23,223 - Do you want to meet for lunch? - You mean like a day date? 497 00:27:23,224 --> 00:27:25,225 Yeah. 498 00:27:25,226 --> 00:27:26,727 Great! 499 00:27:26,728 --> 00:27:28,729 Chris! Chris! 500 00:27:28,730 --> 00:27:31,315 - I'll pick you up at noon. - Chris! Chris! 501 00:27:31,316 --> 00:27:34,568 - Chris! Chris! Chris! - Awesome, I'm really. . . 502 00:27:34,569 --> 00:27:37,863 - I'm busy! - I'm busy! Stupid dick! 503 00:27:37,864 --> 00:27:40,574 - That sounds awesome. I'll see you then. - Bye. 504 00:27:42,952 --> 00:27:44,745 Let's go. 505 00:27:46,665 --> 00:27:48,207 - What was that all about? - Nothing. 506 00:27:48,208 --> 00:27:49,833 It's just an old friend saying hi. 507 00:27:49,834 --> 00:27:51,835 Yeah, well, let's keep it that way. 508 00:27:51,836 --> 00:27:54,838 - It's not a handball. - My handball. 509 00:27:54,839 --> 00:27:57,174 Meow. Meow. 510 00:28:58,611 --> 00:28:59,987 Hey! Dumb-ass. 511 00:29:01,072 --> 00:29:02,322 Wake up. 512 00:29:02,323 --> 00:29:04,324 - Hey, wake up. - Ah! Agh! 513 00:29:04,325 --> 00:29:05,909 Morning. 514 00:29:05,910 --> 00:29:07,870 Ow ow! 515 00:29:08,913 --> 00:29:10,497 Agh! What? 516 00:29:10,498 --> 00:29:12,166 I need you to do me a favor. 517 00:29:12,167 --> 00:29:14,168 What do you want from me?! 518 00:29:14,169 --> 00:29:15,919 I ran into Jamie Palomino last night. 519 00:29:15,920 --> 00:29:18,005 Oh, here we go again. 520 00:29:18,006 --> 00:29:20,340 I'm not the same person I was in high-school, pal. 521 00:29:20,341 --> 00:29:22,050 You'll always be fat to me, Chris. 522 00:29:22,051 --> 00:29:24,344 What do you want from me?! 523 00:29:24,345 --> 00:29:26,889 I need you to detain Samantha. 524 00:29:26,890 --> 00:29:28,432 I could do that. 525 00:29:28,808 --> 00:29:32,186 - Chris, wait! - It's a beautiful day. 526 00:29:32,187 --> 00:29:34,313 What about Paris? 527 00:29:34,314 --> 00:29:37,149 Look, Paris can wait. This is important. You don't wanna be 528 00:29:37,150 --> 00:29:39,318 - out of touch with your audience, do you? - No. 529 00:29:39,319 --> 00:29:41,320 No, well then, you need to connect with your audience, 530 00:29:41,321 --> 00:29:42,696 you need to feed off their energy. 531 00:29:42,697 --> 00:29:45,157 After all, they're the ones who're gonna be buying your album. 532 00:29:45,158 --> 00:29:47,159 The problem is where in New Jersey are we gonna find 533 00:29:47,160 --> 00:29:49,286 a proper cross-section of your fans? 534 00:29:50,663 --> 00:29:52,790 - The mall? - A mall ! 535 00:29:52,791 --> 00:29:54,249 That's a great idea! 536 00:29:55,919 --> 00:29:57,878 - We have so much in common! - I know! 537 00:29:57,879 --> 00:29:59,880 - God. - Let's do it to it! 538 00:29:59,881 --> 00:30:01,715 Whoa! I am not going with him! 539 00:30:01,716 --> 00:30:04,885 Look, what better way to relate to your fans than to go with one? 540 00:30:04,886 --> 00:30:06,887 In we go. 541 00:30:06,888 --> 00:30:09,431 Hey! You're not coming with me? 542 00:30:09,432 --> 00:30:11,850 - Hmm-mm. - No, sweetie. You need to do this alone. 543 00:30:11,851 --> 00:30:13,602 - I can't be your crutch. - But l. . . 544 00:30:13,603 --> 00:30:15,062 Watch your face! 545 00:30:15,063 --> 00:30:16,855 Buckle up! 546 00:30:23,112 --> 00:30:25,155 Great. That's good. 547 00:30:25,156 --> 00:30:26,657 That's looking good. 548 00:30:30,370 --> 00:30:33,247 Great, guys. Really good. 549 00:30:35,375 --> 00:30:37,793 Mr. Palamino, how you doing? 550 00:30:37,794 --> 00:30:39,670 Well well well, 551 00:30:39,671 --> 00:30:42,923 if it isn't Mr. Valentine's Day! 552 00:30:42,924 --> 00:30:46,301 This guy, every Valentine's Day, he'd buy Jamie like a dozen roses. 553 00:30:46,302 --> 00:30:49,179 Used to drive all her boyfriends nuts! 554 00:30:49,180 --> 00:30:52,140 Ha! Till we explained, of course, it was just her little friend Chris. 555 00:30:52,141 --> 00:30:54,184 Yeah, I remember that. 556 00:30:54,185 --> 00:30:56,645 You prick. 557 00:30:56,646 --> 00:30:59,606 I see you still have the best Christmas display in town, sir. 558 00:30:59,607 --> 00:31:01,817 - Hey! In the state! - Hey, Chris! 559 00:31:01,818 --> 00:31:03,569 I'll be right out. 560 00:31:03,570 --> 00:31:06,488 So, uh, how'd you lose all that weight? 561 00:31:06,489 --> 00:31:09,157 Like that retard from Subway? 562 00:31:09,158 --> 00:31:10,534 It was great talking to you, sir. 563 00:31:13,037 --> 00:31:15,038 Are you kidding me? 564 00:31:15,039 --> 00:31:16,999 I rented the nicest Porsche in New Jersey. 565 00:31:17,000 --> 00:31:18,792 I'm just gonna play this whole thing aloof 566 00:31:18,793 --> 00:31:21,169 and she's gonna be eating out of the palm of my hand in no time. 567 00:31:21,170 --> 00:31:23,338 Gotta go. 568 00:31:23,339 --> 00:31:25,173 Hey. 569 00:31:25,174 --> 00:31:28,719 Wow! Porsche. Girls must love this. 570 00:31:28,720 --> 00:31:31,430 I hate this stupid thing too. It's a rental. 571 00:31:31,431 --> 00:31:34,433 So ostentatious. It's all they had left. 572 00:31:34,434 --> 00:31:36,351 Hmm. 573 00:31:39,689 --> 00:31:42,733 - God, this place hasn't changed a bit. - I know. 574 00:31:42,734 --> 00:31:44,860 Are you sure that you don't want to go someplace else? 575 00:31:44,861 --> 00:31:47,905 - No, we can't leave. We have history here. - History. 576 00:31:48,072 --> 00:31:51,950 Oh my goodness, I remember you two. 577 00:31:51,951 --> 00:31:55,203 Oh, you're not a chubby bunny anymore. 578 00:31:55,204 --> 00:31:58,248 - Oh, my personal space. - I'll be right back. 579 00:31:58,249 --> 00:32:01,209 I've got a little surprise for you. 580 00:32:01,210 --> 00:32:03,545 Can't wait. 581 00:32:03,546 --> 00:32:05,088 Haha! Chubby bunny! 582 00:32:05,089 --> 00:32:07,841 Ahh! Thanks for reminding me I was fat. 583 00:32:09,802 --> 00:32:11,845 So why did you disappear on me 10 years ago? 584 00:32:13,097 --> 00:32:15,390 Uh, listen, about that. . . 585 00:32:15,391 --> 00:32:17,017 Where you that mad at me? 586 00:32:17,018 --> 00:32:20,437 Come on, Jamie. It was like 100 years ago, all right? 587 00:32:20,438 --> 00:32:22,814 I'm not that pathetic little dweeb anymore. 588 00:32:22,815 --> 00:32:26,610 You were never a dweeb, Chris. 589 00:32:26,611 --> 00:32:29,655 - So, tell me about your job. - Oh my God. 590 00:32:29,656 --> 00:32:31,907 You know, once you get over all the glamour, you know, it's uh. . . 591 00:32:32,075 --> 00:32:33,909 - it's nothing but total insanity. - Mm. 592 00:32:33,910 --> 00:32:36,536 You know, if it's not Pink calling you, then you got Good Charlotte. . . 593 00:32:36,537 --> 00:32:39,873 it's Jay Z's birthday party, you know, and I'm totally name-dropping right now 594 00:32:39,874 --> 00:32:42,459 and I'd really like to stop. Mick Jagger. How 'bout you? 595 00:32:42,460 --> 00:32:45,170 You know, what happened to you? How'd you end up working at The Maple? 596 00:32:45,171 --> 00:32:47,130 I don't work at The Maple. 597 00:32:47,131 --> 00:32:49,758 I mean, I work at The Maple but I don't really work at The Maple. 598 00:32:49,759 --> 00:32:51,385 - Yeah. - I'm studying to be a teacher 599 00:32:51,386 --> 00:32:52,970 so I'm living at home and I'm working. . . 600 00:32:52,971 --> 00:32:55,180 It's the coast. Be right back. 601 00:32:58,351 --> 00:33:00,435 What happened to him? 602 00:33:08,403 --> 00:33:09,945 Oh, this is gonna be a great song. "Mall People." 603 00:33:09,946 --> 00:33:11,905 "Mall people, they come and go. . . 604 00:33:12,073 --> 00:33:14,116 small people, they just don't know." 605 00:33:14,117 --> 00:33:16,743 - How's it goin'? - Fantastic. 606 00:33:16,744 --> 00:33:18,286 - How's it going with Jamie? - Treating her like 607 00:33:18,287 --> 00:33:20,664 - every boyfriend she's ever had. - You da man! 608 00:33:20,665 --> 00:33:23,041 - So I wanna run an idea by you. - No. 609 00:33:23,042 --> 00:33:26,420 Since you're trying to hook up with Jamie, what if I went to Paris with Samantha 610 00:33:26,421 --> 00:33:28,213 - instead of you? That way you. . . - No. 611 00:33:28,214 --> 00:33:29,840 - You haven't heard the whole thing yet! - No. 612 00:33:29,841 --> 00:33:32,175 You know what, just. . . just think about it and get back to me. 613 00:33:32,176 --> 00:33:33,802 Ow! 614 00:33:36,472 --> 00:33:39,349 - Oh my God ! - I gotta go. 615 00:33:45,690 --> 00:33:47,983 - So, how's the coast? - Super. 616 00:33:48,151 --> 00:33:50,527 Here we go! 617 00:33:50,528 --> 00:33:53,238 One grilled cheese with ranch on the side 618 00:33:53,239 --> 00:33:57,451 and one Sugar Mountain Supreme for the chubby bunny. 619 00:33:57,452 --> 00:34:00,120 Excuse me, um, 620 00:34:00,121 --> 00:34:02,289 this-this. . . this isn't gonna work for me. 621 00:34:02,290 --> 00:34:05,000 But this is what you always order. 622 00:34:05,001 --> 00:34:08,003 Yeah. 10 years ago, when I was a whale. 623 00:34:08,004 --> 00:34:10,839 The pancakes are fine. He's just kidding. 624 00:34:10,840 --> 00:34:12,382 What? 625 00:34:14,093 --> 00:34:17,137 - Be more rude! - She's rude! She's rude! 626 00:34:17,138 --> 00:34:19,556 I haven't had sweets in 10 years, okay? Do you know 627 00:34:19,557 --> 00:34:22,059 - what this would do to my stomach? - Relax, little girl. 628 00:34:22,060 --> 00:34:25,020 I'll have the pancakes and you can have my sandwich, okay? 629 00:34:26,272 --> 00:34:28,607 I'll just enjoy this glass of water. 630 00:34:31,527 --> 00:34:33,236 I'm stuffed. 631 00:34:39,410 --> 00:34:42,329 Good times. Good times! 632 00:34:42,330 --> 00:34:43,872 - Yeah. - Yeah. 633 00:34:43,873 --> 00:34:45,916 - Thanks again for lunch. - Oh, I'll get your door. 634 00:34:45,917 --> 00:34:48,001 Oh. Okay. 635 00:34:48,002 --> 00:34:49,377 Shit. 636 00:34:54,675 --> 00:34:56,593 - Whew! - Yeah. 637 00:34:58,971 --> 00:35:01,431 Well, it was great seeing you again. 638 00:35:01,432 --> 00:35:02,933 You too. 639 00:35:02,934 --> 00:35:04,434 Yeah, glad I ran into you last night. 640 00:35:04,435 --> 00:35:06,436 Yeah, it was a surprise. 641 00:35:06,437 --> 00:35:08,438 Big surprise. Yeah. 642 00:35:08,439 --> 00:35:10,065 It's cold out here. 643 00:35:10,066 --> 00:35:12,109 Yeah, it is. It's like the South Pole. 644 00:35:12,110 --> 00:35:14,945 It's like the deep South Pole if there was one. 645 00:35:14,946 --> 00:35:16,738 There isn't, though. 646 00:35:16,739 --> 00:35:18,490 Um, thanks for walking me to my door. 647 00:35:18,491 --> 00:35:21,409 Yeah. Again, it was great seeing you. . . 648 00:35:21,410 --> 00:35:22,410 again. 649 00:35:22,411 --> 00:35:24,287 - You, too. - Yeah. 650 00:35:24,288 --> 00:35:26,581 Take care. Uh. . . 651 00:35:26,582 --> 00:35:28,792 Yeah, you too. Oh, uh. . . 652 00:35:31,379 --> 00:35:33,213 - Oh. - That's good. 653 00:35:33,214 --> 00:35:35,549 Ow! 654 00:35:37,009 --> 00:35:39,344 - Take care. - You too. 655 00:35:40,596 --> 00:35:41,680 Hmm. 656 00:36:03,828 --> 00:36:07,164 Stupid ! Stupid ! Stupid ! 657 00:36:07,165 --> 00:36:08,957 What the hell?! 658 00:36:12,044 --> 00:36:13,962 God ! 659 00:36:18,509 --> 00:36:20,343 Oh my God ! 660 00:36:20,344 --> 00:36:23,054 It's the South Pole! It's the deep South Pole? 661 00:36:23,055 --> 00:36:25,098 It's the South Pole. The deep South Pole! 662 00:36:25,099 --> 00:36:27,225 I don't think there is one, but if there was one 663 00:36:27,226 --> 00:36:29,227 I bet it would be in the south! 664 00:36:38,696 --> 00:36:41,740 - I left my gloves in the car. - Oh. 665 00:36:48,497 --> 00:36:49,873 - There you go. - Thanks. 666 00:37:02,178 --> 00:37:04,054 Hey, look who's here! What's up, Hollywood? 667 00:37:04,055 --> 00:37:05,805 - How the big date go? - It was terrible. 668 00:37:05,806 --> 00:37:08,183 I went in for a kiss, but she wants a hug, okay? 669 00:37:08,184 --> 00:37:10,810 Then I get caught in a sort of kiss-hug limbo type thing. 670 00:37:10,811 --> 00:37:14,773 I don't know what that is, then I ended up shaking her entire body. 671 00:37:14,774 --> 00:37:17,567 So y-you gave her a body shake? 672 00:37:17,568 --> 00:37:20,904 Oh, God ! I should've just kissed her! What am I doing? 673 00:37:21,072 --> 00:37:23,657 It looks like you picked up right where you left off. 674 00:37:23,658 --> 00:37:25,200 You're back in the friend zone. 675 00:37:26,285 --> 00:37:27,702 Oh, f-f. . . 676 00:37:42,385 --> 00:37:44,386 What? 677 00:37:44,387 --> 00:37:46,096 Little problem. 678 00:37:46,430 --> 00:37:49,182 Okay, she's got a bit of a headache. 679 00:37:49,183 --> 00:37:51,309 It's not that bad. Ha! 680 00:37:53,187 --> 00:37:54,312 Oh my God ! 681 00:37:54,313 --> 00:37:56,773 What the hell happened to her? 682 00:37:56,774 --> 00:37:59,276 Long story short, she fell. 683 00:37:59,277 --> 00:38:01,152 Samantha, are you okay? 684 00:38:01,153 --> 00:38:02,904 I'm gonna make bubble. 685 00:38:02,905 --> 00:38:04,698 Dude, she's fine! 686 00:38:04,699 --> 00:38:07,575 Look at her. She's having a good time. She's got her toothpaste. 687 00:38:07,576 --> 00:38:10,537 All you had to do was watch her for a few hours. What did you do to her? 688 00:38:10,538 --> 00:38:13,331 Nothing ! She's just all loopy from all the Vicodin. 689 00:38:13,332 --> 00:38:15,583 Where did you get the Vicodin? 690 00:38:15,584 --> 00:38:17,627 Mom. 691 00:38:17,628 --> 00:38:19,504 Blueberry! 692 00:38:19,505 --> 00:38:21,965 Okay. I'm gonna kill you. 693 00:38:21,966 --> 00:38:23,758 What?! You said detain her! 694 00:38:23,759 --> 00:38:25,719 - You're a dead man, Mike! - She's detained ! 695 00:38:27,430 --> 00:38:29,180 Eww. 696 00:38:29,181 --> 00:38:30,598 - My balls! - Oh. 697 00:38:32,768 --> 00:38:35,186 You're dead. 698 00:38:35,187 --> 00:38:37,188 No, Chris! No! 699 00:38:37,189 --> 00:38:39,190 Chris. . . 700 00:38:39,191 --> 00:38:40,900 Chris, no! 701 00:38:42,611 --> 00:38:44,321 - My boss! Truce! - Truce! 702 00:38:44,322 --> 00:38:45,947 - Truce! - Okay. 703 00:38:45,948 --> 00:38:46,906 - Hello? - Nyah! 704 00:38:47,074 --> 00:38:48,950 Hey, Chrissy! 705 00:38:48,951 --> 00:38:50,952 How's my future star doing? 706 00:38:50,953 --> 00:38:52,704 Great. She's doing great, sir. 707 00:38:52,705 --> 00:38:54,998 So let me. . . let me. . . let me say hi to her. 708 00:38:54,999 --> 00:38:57,208 Uh, she's a little incapacitated at the moment. 709 00:38:57,209 --> 00:39:00,420 Oh, a little incapacitated, that's my baby, that's my boy! 710 00:39:00,421 --> 00:39:04,257 Look, when you two get back, I've got this incredible marketing campaign 711 00:39:04,258 --> 00:39:06,968 lined up for the spring quarter. Our number one priority: 712 00:39:06,969 --> 00:39:10,305 - Samantha James! - Awesome. 713 00:39:10,306 --> 00:39:13,099 Three two, one! 714 00:39:13,100 --> 00:39:16,102 Ho-ho-ho. 715 00:39:16,103 --> 00:39:19,522 - Yeah-ha-ha! Yeah! - Merry Christmas! 716 00:39:19,523 --> 00:39:21,649 It's a Palamino Christmas! 717 00:39:21,650 --> 00:39:23,610 Again! 718 00:39:26,447 --> 00:39:28,448 - Hello? - Jamie. 719 00:39:28,449 --> 00:39:30,700 - Hey. - What's up? 720 00:39:30,701 --> 00:39:33,661 Listen, you're never gonna believe this, but I can't get a flight out. 721 00:39:33,662 --> 00:39:35,997 - I'm stuck here another day. - Oh. 722 00:39:35,998 --> 00:39:37,540 I want to apologize for earlier. 723 00:39:37,541 --> 00:39:39,125 - Let me make it up to you. - I taste good. 724 00:39:39,126 --> 00:39:41,127 Do you want to go ice skating? 725 00:39:41,128 --> 00:39:43,713 - I thought you hated ice skating. - I used to, 726 00:39:43,714 --> 00:39:46,716 but you know, I'm actually pretty damn good now. 727 00:39:46,717 --> 00:39:48,009 I'm the MVP in my league, in fact. 728 00:39:48,010 --> 00:39:50,178 Come on, it'll be like old times. 729 00:39:51,764 --> 00:39:54,766 - Hello, Joyce? - Mom? I'm on the phone. 730 00:39:54,767 --> 00:39:58,561 Oh! Well, Chris, what are you doing over at Joyce's? 731 00:39:58,562 --> 00:40:01,439 No, Mom. I'm in the living room, 10 feet away from you 732 00:40:01,440 --> 00:40:03,358 - and I'm on the phone. - Oh. 733 00:40:03,359 --> 00:40:04,859 Well, you know, I was wondering 734 00:40:04,860 --> 00:40:07,654 while I have you on the phone, what would you like for dinner? 735 00:40:07,655 --> 00:40:11,408 We-we have a choice between chicken chow mein or pot roast. 736 00:40:11,409 --> 00:40:13,535 Mom. Please. 737 00:40:13,536 --> 00:40:15,703 Mom! 738 00:40:15,704 --> 00:40:18,289 - Mom! - What is it, peanut? 739 00:40:18,290 --> 00:40:19,541 Where are my ice skates? 740 00:40:19,542 --> 00:40:22,293 Oh, honey, I gave those away years ago. 741 00:40:22,294 --> 00:40:24,295 Are you serious? I need them. 742 00:40:24,296 --> 00:40:27,549 Well, honey, why would I keep them? You're never here. 743 00:40:27,550 --> 00:40:30,135 Besides, you-you weren't terribly good at ice skating. 744 00:40:30,136 --> 00:40:32,137 Well, I'm good now! 745 00:40:32,138 --> 00:40:34,597 And I need my skates to show off my talents. 746 00:40:34,598 --> 00:40:38,101 Oh, well, honey, I'm sure you can rent a pair. 747 00:40:38,102 --> 00:40:40,728 Besides, you don't have to show off for Jamie. 748 00:40:40,729 --> 00:40:43,189 Just. . . just be yourself. 749 00:40:51,115 --> 00:40:54,492 Now, come on! Mikey and I are making snow angels! 750 00:40:56,162 --> 00:40:58,079 I don't want to be myself. 751 00:41:00,458 --> 00:41:02,125 My snow globe collection. 752 00:41:14,388 --> 00:41:17,223 - Oof! Stupid rental skates. - Ooh! 753 00:41:17,224 --> 00:41:20,143 You know what? You're a lot better than before. 754 00:41:20,144 --> 00:41:23,104 - I'm wearing figure skates from the '30s. - Here, let me help you. 755 00:41:23,105 --> 00:41:25,064 Okay, I can do it myself, okay? I'm good. I'm good now. 756 00:41:25,065 --> 00:41:27,400 Hey. 757 00:41:29,278 --> 00:41:31,112 - So. . . - So. . . 758 00:41:31,113 --> 00:41:35,241 - How's the love life? - Lame. 759 00:41:35,242 --> 00:41:39,037 - Marty and I broke up a year ago. - Ooh, another jerk, huh? 760 00:41:39,038 --> 00:41:41,122 - "Another jerk, huh?" - I'm kidding. . . 761 00:41:41,123 --> 00:41:43,124 I'm just saying you dated a lot of jerks 762 00:41:43,125 --> 00:41:45,084 back in high school, that's all. 763 00:41:45,085 --> 00:41:48,838 So how about you? You in love with anyone besides yourself? 764 00:41:48,839 --> 00:41:52,050 No. 765 00:41:52,051 --> 00:41:54,886 I've really just been dating, you know? 766 00:41:54,887 --> 00:41:57,263 Just trying to look for my soulmate. 767 00:41:57,264 --> 00:41:58,515 You didn't buy that, did you? 768 00:41:58,516 --> 00:42:00,725 Maybe you should try harder. 769 00:42:00,726 --> 00:42:03,853 Or I could try this. 770 00:42:05,105 --> 00:42:06,564 Oh. . . 771 00:42:08,192 --> 00:42:10,902 Hey guys, it's Miss Palamino! 772 00:42:11,070 --> 00:42:13,154 Yay! 773 00:42:13,155 --> 00:42:15,281 Hi, guys. 774 00:42:15,282 --> 00:42:18,243 Sarah and Joey and Brett. Hi ! 775 00:42:18,244 --> 00:42:21,120 - What, you. . . you know these kids? - Yeah, I substitute teach 776 00:42:21,121 --> 00:42:23,831 - their class. - Hey, um, we're having a pickup game. 777 00:42:23,832 --> 00:42:26,459 We could use some more bodies. You guys play? 778 00:42:26,460 --> 00:42:29,128 You know Chris is a great player, but he has rentals. 779 00:42:29,129 --> 00:42:32,632 - A good skater can skate in anything. - Yeah! 780 00:42:32,633 --> 00:42:34,425 I'm in. 781 00:42:36,053 --> 00:42:40,348 Okay, guys. Keep it clean. 782 00:42:40,349 --> 00:42:41,599 - Oof! - Shoot it! 783 00:42:41,600 --> 00:42:44,185 Get it in! And goal ! 784 00:42:46,272 --> 00:42:49,440 - What was that?! - You're pathetic! 785 00:42:49,441 --> 00:42:51,442 I'm sorry, okay? 786 00:42:51,443 --> 00:42:53,736 It's just these damn rental skates. 787 00:42:53,737 --> 00:42:56,906 It's fine. Just don't cuss in front of the children. 788 00:42:56,907 --> 00:42:58,616 Potty mouth. 789 00:43:00,202 --> 00:43:02,912 Get him, Terry! 790 00:43:02,913 --> 00:43:05,290 Ow! 791 00:43:05,291 --> 00:43:07,417 He hacked me! 792 00:43:07,418 --> 00:43:09,127 Wanna fight, punk? 793 00:43:09,128 --> 00:43:11,713 - What, are you kidding me? - Fight! 794 00:43:11,714 --> 00:43:14,340 Fight! Fight! Fight! Fight! 795 00:43:14,341 --> 00:43:17,552 All right, all right, break it up, break it up. 796 00:43:17,553 --> 00:43:20,388 What is your problem? She's just a child. 797 00:43:20,389 --> 00:43:22,765 - That's a girl? - Pussy! 798 00:43:28,522 --> 00:43:31,774 - Yeah! - All right! 799 00:43:36,030 --> 00:43:38,406 Okay, listen. We're getting creamed out there. 800 00:43:38,407 --> 00:43:40,950 - It's his fault. - You suck, Brander. 801 00:43:40,951 --> 00:43:43,328 - Hey. - I brand you "Suckster." 802 00:43:43,329 --> 00:43:45,204 - Oh my. . . that's enough. - Hey. 803 00:43:45,205 --> 00:43:47,707 Now Chris is trying his best here. 804 00:43:47,708 --> 00:43:50,335 Sorry, Miss Palamino, but he's just so terrible. 805 00:43:50,336 --> 00:43:53,630 - I'm not terrible. - Suckster! Suckster! Suckster! Suckster! 806 00:43:53,631 --> 00:43:56,007 - Maybe you should call it a day. - No, I can do this! 807 00:43:56,008 --> 00:43:58,551 - Suckster! Suckster. Suckster! Suckster. . . - Hey! 808 00:43:58,552 --> 00:44:00,386 I'm a really good skater, little girl ! 809 00:44:00,387 --> 00:44:03,890 Watch! You might learn something ! 810 00:44:03,891 --> 00:44:05,600 I'm taking this one. 811 00:44:09,563 --> 00:44:11,939 Me? 812 00:44:18,489 --> 00:44:19,489 Ah! 813 00:44:19,490 --> 00:44:22,158 Chris, no! 814 00:44:26,246 --> 00:44:28,289 Ahh! 815 00:44:33,962 --> 00:44:37,340 No! 816 00:44:39,051 --> 00:44:41,678 No slap shots! 817 00:44:53,440 --> 00:44:55,358 Suckster! Suckster! 818 00:44:55,359 --> 00:44:58,528 Suckster! Suckster! Suckster! 819 00:44:58,529 --> 00:45:00,655 Suckster! Suckster! 820 00:45:00,656 --> 00:45:04,242 - What a schmuck. - Don't worry, Chris. You're gonna be fine. 821 00:45:07,955 --> 00:45:09,414 Oh. . . 822 00:45:11,709 --> 00:45:13,835 - Wow. - Well, it looks like I was 823 00:45:13,836 --> 00:45:16,587 - in the right place at the right time, Miss. . . - Yeah. 824 00:45:16,588 --> 00:45:19,549 Palamino? Jamie Palamino. 825 00:45:19,550 --> 00:45:22,343 - Dusty Dinkleman? - Ah, yeah. 826 00:45:22,344 --> 00:45:24,929 Actually, I go by "Dusty Lee" now, but yeah. 827 00:45:24,930 --> 00:45:27,724 - "Dutty Nee?" - Thanks for saving me. 828 00:45:27,725 --> 00:45:30,226 Yay, Dusty! 829 00:45:30,227 --> 00:45:32,478 - You remember Chris Brander? - Eeh. 830 00:45:32,479 --> 00:45:34,856 - Boo. . . - Oh, yeah. 831 00:45:34,857 --> 00:45:37,567 Seen better days, I guess, huh, pal? 832 00:45:37,568 --> 00:45:39,902 Hey, listen, I don't want to make this weird, 833 00:45:39,903 --> 00:45:41,863 but you look incredible. 834 00:45:41,864 --> 00:45:44,699 - So do you. - Really glad you dropped in. 835 00:45:46,034 --> 00:45:47,994 Ow! 836 00:45:53,792 --> 00:45:55,668 Cool. . . 837 00:45:57,713 --> 00:46:01,048 Sorry about that, buddy. 838 00:46:01,049 --> 00:46:02,884 Here we go. 839 00:46:04,928 --> 00:46:06,971 Late '20s. Male Caucasian 840 00:46:06,972 --> 00:46:10,224 with multiple lacerations on lower mandible and possible concussion. 841 00:46:10,225 --> 00:46:11,976 Transport en route, over. 842 00:46:11,977 --> 00:46:14,103 - 104. - So, uh, Jamie, 843 00:46:14,104 --> 00:46:16,856 - you still living in town? - Oh, yeah, I just moved back. 844 00:46:16,857 --> 00:46:18,900 Oh, really? Me too. 845 00:46:18,901 --> 00:46:21,360 - It's a small world. - No kidding. 846 00:46:21,361 --> 00:46:22,695 Jeez, you know, 847 00:46:22,696 --> 00:46:25,573 I cannot get over how great you look. 848 00:46:25,574 --> 00:46:28,284 Oh, pfft. Me? Look at you ! 849 00:46:28,285 --> 00:46:30,536 Yeah, I guess my skin cleared up 850 00:46:30,537 --> 00:46:32,246 and I lost my stammer, 851 00:46:32,247 --> 00:46:34,415 but I still play a mean guitar. 852 00:46:34,416 --> 00:46:36,918 I'm actually only doing this part-time till I can make it in music. 853 00:46:36,919 --> 00:46:40,171 You know, Chris is in the music business too. He could probably help you. 854 00:46:40,172 --> 00:46:43,007 Oh, hey. Easy there, Gretzky. 855 00:46:43,008 --> 00:46:45,384 Shh. 856 00:46:45,385 --> 00:46:48,930 You know, we should hang out, you know, have lunch sometime? 857 00:46:50,015 --> 00:46:52,850 I would love to have lunch. 858 00:46:52,851 --> 00:46:54,685 Um, where can I give you my phone number? 859 00:46:54,686 --> 00:46:56,145 Just write it on this. 860 00:47:00,943 --> 00:47:03,236 Jamie Palamino. 861 00:47:03,237 --> 00:47:04,904 This is bullshit! 862 00:47:04,905 --> 00:47:06,489 You haven't aged a peep. 863 00:47:10,410 --> 00:47:14,205 What do you know about Dusty Dinkleman? 864 00:47:14,206 --> 00:47:15,581 - You mean Dusty Lee? - Yeah. 865 00:47:15,582 --> 00:47:17,625 Works in the building, drives ambulance. Why? 866 00:47:17,626 --> 00:47:21,212 Well check this out. So I'm out with Jamie again. . . 867 00:47:21,213 --> 00:47:23,005 Another day date? 868 00:47:23,006 --> 00:47:25,508 Yes. Anyway, 869 00:47:25,509 --> 00:47:27,218 we're having a great time 870 00:47:27,219 --> 00:47:29,595 and then Dusty shows up out of nowhere, 871 00:47:29,596 --> 00:47:32,098 and then Jamie gives him her number. 872 00:47:32,099 --> 00:47:35,518 Hey, didn't Dusty have like a huge crush on Jamie? 873 00:47:35,519 --> 00:47:37,979 - Uh. . . - Yeah, you got some 874 00:47:37,980 --> 00:47:40,356 competition there, Chris. I mean, Dusty is a really nice guy. 875 00:47:40,357 --> 00:47:42,942 Yeah, well Jamie doesn't date nice guys. 876 00:47:42,943 --> 00:47:44,610 She puts them in the friend zone 877 00:47:44,611 --> 00:47:46,571 and then tortures the shit out of them. 878 00:47:46,572 --> 00:47:49,073 I don't know. Jamie's come a long way since high school. 879 00:47:49,074 --> 00:47:51,742 I think she might be maturing. 880 00:47:51,743 --> 00:47:53,244 Maturing? 881 00:47:54,955 --> 00:47:56,914 So that's why she went with Dusty. 882 00:47:56,915 --> 00:47:58,875 She wants a sensitive guy. . . 883 00:47:58,876 --> 00:48:00,877 more like the old me. 884 00:48:00,878 --> 00:48:02,712 Well, if she wants Mr. Rogers, 885 00:48:02,713 --> 00:48:04,714 then I'm going to show her 886 00:48:04,715 --> 00:48:06,674 the biggest pussy she's ever seen. 887 00:48:06,675 --> 00:48:08,593 Yeah. 888 00:48:08,594 --> 00:48:10,887 Okay, we're done. Now, uh. . . 889 00:48:10,888 --> 00:48:13,347 you're gonna need to wear this for the next few days 890 00:48:13,348 --> 00:48:16,434 until those stitches are ready to come out. 891 00:48:16,435 --> 00:48:19,103 And here you go. Huh? Just like your old yearbook picture. 892 00:48:24,443 --> 00:48:26,652 Come in! 893 00:48:26,653 --> 00:48:29,322 - Can I come in? - I just said that. 894 00:48:31,575 --> 00:48:33,743 I brought magazines. 895 00:48:33,744 --> 00:48:35,786 Ugh, these are old. 896 00:48:35,787 --> 00:48:38,915 - Flowers? - Those are daisies. 897 00:48:38,916 --> 00:48:42,251 - How about snacks? - Carbs? Are you kidding me? 898 00:48:42,252 --> 00:48:43,753 I can't eat that crap. 899 00:48:43,754 --> 00:48:46,047 I'm just trying to be helpful. 900 00:48:46,048 --> 00:48:49,759 Well you're not. So vamoose. 901 00:48:49,760 --> 00:48:53,179 - I guess I'll just leave you now. - No, wait wait. 902 00:48:53,180 --> 00:48:55,806 I'm sorry I'm being such a biatch. 903 00:48:55,807 --> 00:48:58,351 It's just that I'm supposed to be in Paris and I'm not, 904 00:48:58,352 --> 00:49:01,479 and I'm going out of my mind with boredom! 905 00:49:01,480 --> 00:49:04,440 I mean, my Sidekick broke and l. . . 906 00:49:04,441 --> 00:49:08,694 I haven't had sex in, like, forever. 907 00:49:08,695 --> 00:49:10,404 And I'm so horny. 908 00:49:10,405 --> 00:49:13,449 I'm horny. 909 00:49:13,450 --> 00:49:15,785 Wait a minute. 910 00:49:17,079 --> 00:49:20,998 - How old are you? - I'm 22. . . 20. . . 19. . . 911 00:49:20,999 --> 00:49:22,917 I'm. . . I'm 18. 912 00:49:22,918 --> 00:49:24,794 Eighteen. 913 00:49:27,422 --> 00:49:30,549 So do you really have my poster on your wall? 914 00:49:30,550 --> 00:49:34,053 - Yeah. - Do you ever like. . . 915 00:49:34,054 --> 00:49:36,055 All the time. 916 00:49:36,056 --> 00:49:37,848 How many times in a day? 917 00:49:37,849 --> 00:49:40,476 - Eight. - Eight?! 918 00:49:44,898 --> 00:49:47,149 Eight? Oh my God, that's hot. 919 00:49:47,150 --> 00:49:50,528 - You're hot. - I know, I know. 920 00:49:53,407 --> 00:49:56,325 - Oh, ow. - Are you okay? 921 00:49:56,326 --> 00:49:58,411 Oh, my back is killing me. 922 00:49:58,412 --> 00:50:00,955 Oh, I could give you a massage. 923 00:50:00,956 --> 00:50:03,290 Oh, would you mind? 924 00:50:03,291 --> 00:50:06,293 Not at all. 925 00:50:06,294 --> 00:50:09,964 - Oopsie, I'm naked. - You're naked. 926 00:50:09,965 --> 00:50:12,049 Do you have any oil? 927 00:50:12,050 --> 00:50:14,552 Right back. 928 00:50:19,307 --> 00:50:20,683 What took you so long? 929 00:50:23,895 --> 00:50:26,522 - Show me what you've got, baby. - Okay. 930 00:50:26,523 --> 00:50:28,524 Baby, ooh! 931 00:50:28,525 --> 00:50:30,401 Ooh, more more! 932 00:50:32,946 --> 00:50:34,613 - Okay, enough. Enough! - Okay. 933 00:50:34,614 --> 00:50:37,074 Oh, yeah. 934 00:50:41,621 --> 00:50:43,330 Hey hey. Merry Christmas, neighbor. 935 00:50:48,045 --> 00:50:49,795 Gee. . . hey! 936 00:50:49,796 --> 00:50:51,797 - Ooh, yeah. - Mikey likey, 937 00:50:51,798 --> 00:50:55,342 - Mikey likey, Mikey likey, Mikey likey. . . - Yeah. . . 938 00:50:57,220 --> 00:50:59,305 Oh! Where the hell have you been?! 939 00:50:59,306 --> 00:51:01,140 I was getting you food. 940 00:51:01,141 --> 00:51:03,434 - Are you wearing braces? - It's not braces. 941 00:51:03,435 --> 00:51:06,312 It's a retainer and it's not that bad. 942 00:51:06,313 --> 00:51:09,899 - Ha, you look like a doofus! - Doofus! 943 00:51:11,109 --> 00:51:13,569 Doofus! Doofus! 944 00:51:13,570 --> 00:51:16,655 Doofus! Doofus! Doof. . . 945 00:51:18,408 --> 00:51:20,117 Chris? 946 00:51:20,118 --> 00:51:22,828 Mommy. 947 00:51:22,829 --> 00:51:25,706 So pretty. 948 00:51:25,707 --> 00:51:28,918 Honey, look what just came for you. 949 00:51:28,919 --> 00:51:31,629 It's a "Get well soon" card from Jamie. 950 00:51:34,966 --> 00:51:37,551 - Boo. - Oh yeah? 951 00:51:37,552 --> 00:51:39,136 What do you think of that, huh? 952 00:51:39,137 --> 00:51:41,972 It's hugs and kisses, dude. Mom writes that on my cards. 953 00:51:41,973 --> 00:51:45,184 That's because I love you both so much. 954 00:51:46,686 --> 00:51:48,479 Thanks, Mommy. 955 00:51:57,072 --> 00:51:59,115 Oh, God. 956 00:52:06,289 --> 00:52:08,707 Truce! 957 00:52:09,918 --> 00:52:11,961 Total pussy. 958 00:52:11,962 --> 00:52:15,005 You're the biggest pussy on planet Earth. 959 00:52:15,006 --> 00:52:17,007 It's you. 960 00:52:20,137 --> 00:52:23,013 - Hello? - Jamie! 961 00:52:23,014 --> 00:52:26,183 - Chris! How are you feeling? - So much better. 962 00:52:26,184 --> 00:52:27,893 Listen, I know it's Christmas Eve, 963 00:52:27,894 --> 00:52:31,063 - but do you have any plans tonight? - No. 964 00:52:31,064 --> 00:52:32,898 Well. . . 965 00:52:32,899 --> 00:52:34,942 the revival theater in town 966 00:52:34,943 --> 00:52:37,027 is showing Nicholas Sparks's "The Notebook." 967 00:52:37,028 --> 00:52:39,196 Huh? 968 00:52:39,197 --> 00:52:42,199 - Hello? I'm on the phone. - Really you want to see "The Notebook"? 969 00:52:42,200 --> 00:52:44,577 Yes, because I love sentimental tear-jerkers. 970 00:52:44,578 --> 00:52:46,537 I'm gonna friggin' puke. 971 00:52:46,538 --> 00:52:48,247 Just a second. 972 00:52:53,003 --> 00:52:55,629 - You are so dead. Do you hear me? - Whatever, dude. 973 00:52:55,630 --> 00:52:57,840 - What're you doing over there? - Faggot. 974 00:52:57,841 --> 00:52:59,633 - Nothing. - Ooh, that's my call-waiting. One second. 975 00:52:59,634 --> 00:53:01,135 - So, anyway. . . - Hello? 976 00:53:01,136 --> 00:53:03,596 - Hey, Jamie. It's Dusty. - Hey, Dusty. 977 00:53:03,597 --> 00:53:04,722 Hey, listen, just. . . 978 00:53:06,600 --> 00:53:08,267 Dude, I think she left you hanging. 979 00:53:08,268 --> 00:53:11,604 It's probably just an important business call. Get off the phone. 980 00:53:11,605 --> 00:53:14,815 - What, the bar ran out of curly fries? - Get off the phone. 981 00:53:14,816 --> 00:53:16,942 Dude, are you gonna boink Jamie tonight? 982 00:53:16,943 --> 00:53:18,903 Yes. Are you happy now? 983 00:53:19,070 --> 00:53:21,947 All right. 984 00:53:21,948 --> 00:53:25,034 - Dude, "The Notebook"'s so gay. - Get off the phone! 985 00:53:25,035 --> 00:53:28,579 - Sorry about that. - That's okay. 986 00:53:28,580 --> 00:53:30,831 - So anyway, what do you say? - About what? 987 00:53:30,832 --> 00:53:32,833 Going to a movie tonight? Then maybe later 988 00:53:32,834 --> 00:53:36,295 we can go for some, uh. . . herbal tea. 989 00:53:36,296 --> 00:53:38,672 Okay, sure. 990 00:53:38,673 --> 00:53:41,091 Um. . . You know what? You're on my way to the theater. 991 00:53:41,092 --> 00:53:42,676 Why don't I pick you up at like 7:30? 992 00:53:42,677 --> 00:53:44,178 - It's a date. - Homo. 993 00:53:44,179 --> 00:53:45,846 - Bye for now. - Bye. 994 00:53:49,559 --> 00:53:52,770 Mom! Mom! Truce! 995 00:53:54,689 --> 00:53:58,984 - Paris, here we come! - Mm. 996 00:53:59,277 --> 00:54:02,488 - But I'm not ready to play a gig. - Of course you are. 997 00:54:02,489 --> 00:54:05,491 No. No. 998 00:54:05,492 --> 00:54:07,034 No! 999 00:54:07,035 --> 00:54:11,497 - This is a bad idea, Chris. - God, I'm so stupid ! 1000 00:54:11,498 --> 00:54:14,917 - No you're not, baby. - Here I am, trying to nurture this artist, 1001 00:54:14,918 --> 00:54:19,004 yet you're this pop bubblegum sensation, 1002 00:54:19,005 --> 00:54:22,049 and that's okay. 1003 00:54:22,050 --> 00:54:23,926 Paris, here we come! 1004 00:54:25,553 --> 00:54:28,347 But I am an artist. I am an artist! 1005 00:54:28,348 --> 00:54:31,141 Hey! I am an artist! 1006 00:54:31,142 --> 00:54:33,936 - Let's go do this. - Are you ready for this? 1007 00:54:33,937 --> 00:54:36,814 I was born ready, bitch. 1008 00:54:36,815 --> 00:54:39,108 - I'm really excited about this. - Yeah, me too. 1009 00:54:39,109 --> 00:54:41,443 - Yeah. - Okay, let's do this. 1010 00:54:41,444 --> 00:54:45,197 Yeah. 1011 00:54:45,198 --> 00:54:48,367 - Hey! Wait! You're not coming with me? - Of course I am. 1012 00:54:48,368 --> 00:54:50,119 Mike's just giving you a ride to the gig. 1013 00:54:50,120 --> 00:54:52,538 I'm gonna stay here, I'm gonna do some administrative work 1014 00:54:52,539 --> 00:54:54,206 and I'm gonna meet you there. 1015 00:54:54,207 --> 00:54:55,916 It's open mic night at The Coffee House. 1016 00:54:55,917 --> 00:54:58,335 Coffee House is lame, dude. Come on. . . 1017 00:54:58,336 --> 00:55:00,004 all right! 1018 00:55:00,005 --> 00:55:02,006 Think fast. Boop! 1019 00:55:02,007 --> 00:55:04,008 Oh! 1020 00:55:05,510 --> 00:55:08,137 Ow! 1021 00:55:25,530 --> 00:55:27,489 Showtime. 1022 00:55:38,460 --> 00:55:40,794 Come on! How long does it. . . 1023 00:55:43,131 --> 00:55:45,174 - Mistletoe. - Hello. 1024 00:55:45,175 --> 00:55:47,885 - Oh my God ! - Jamie! How are you? 1025 00:55:47,886 --> 00:55:51,180 You've grown into such a beautiful young woman, 1026 00:55:51,181 --> 00:55:53,432 hasn't she, Chris? 1027 00:55:56,478 --> 00:55:58,103 Ding-dong. 1028 00:55:59,731 --> 00:56:02,232 Dusty. Hey. Why? 1029 00:56:02,233 --> 00:56:04,777 Are you kidding, man? I love "The Notebook". 1030 00:56:04,778 --> 00:56:06,528 I mean, listen, I know it might sound 1031 00:56:06,529 --> 00:56:08,530 a little corny, maybe even a little femme, 1032 00:56:08,531 --> 00:56:10,282 but I find something so resplendent 1033 00:56:10,283 --> 00:56:13,118 in the simplicity of Nicholas Sparks' writing, you know what I mean? 1034 00:56:13,119 --> 00:56:16,580 Nice outfit, by the way. Rock and roll. 1035 00:56:16,581 --> 00:56:18,457 Carol? 1036 00:56:18,458 --> 00:56:21,126 Oh my God. 1037 00:56:21,127 --> 00:56:23,337 - Carol. . . - Dusty, oh my goodness. 1038 00:56:23,338 --> 00:56:26,131 - This is old-home week. - Oh, absolutely. 1039 00:56:26,132 --> 00:56:30,260 - Is it okay that Dusty came? - Oh, it's awesome that Dusty came. 1040 00:56:30,261 --> 00:56:32,346 Thank you. - Okay. 1041 00:56:32,347 --> 00:56:34,139 . . .in the hospital. We got. . . - Dust! 1042 00:56:34,140 --> 00:56:36,683 Hey, let's hit the road. 1043 00:56:36,684 --> 00:56:38,352 Well, you kids have fun. 1044 00:56:38,353 --> 00:56:40,104 Oh, Carol, why don't you come join us? 1045 00:56:40,105 --> 00:56:43,190 She's vacuuming. 1046 00:56:43,191 --> 00:56:46,652 W- well, I'd love to, but l. . . I wouldn't want to impose. 1047 00:56:46,653 --> 00:56:50,823 - Oh, no imposition at all ! - No. 1048 00:56:50,824 --> 00:56:52,950 We'd love to have you, wouldn't we, Chris? 1049 00:56:52,951 --> 00:56:56,161 Yeah, rad. Awesome. 1050 00:56:56,162 --> 00:56:57,913 Mom's coming. That's good. 1051 00:56:57,914 --> 00:57:00,374 - There's a group now. - Yes! 1052 00:57:00,375 --> 00:57:03,085 - It was us. It was us. - Oh, my darling. 1053 00:57:03,086 --> 00:57:05,712 Oh my sweetheart. 1054 00:57:05,713 --> 00:57:08,173 I love you so much. 1055 00:57:14,806 --> 00:57:18,976 - How much time do we have? - I'm not sure. 1056 00:57:18,977 --> 00:57:21,395 Last time it was no more than five minutes. 1057 00:57:23,314 --> 00:57:25,607 I love you, angel. 1058 00:57:28,111 --> 00:57:29,820 What happened to me? 1059 00:57:29,821 --> 00:57:31,822 This is so gay. 1060 00:57:39,456 --> 00:57:43,125 Oh, Dusty. . . 1061 00:57:46,421 --> 00:57:50,757 Son of a bitch! Huh? 1062 00:57:50,758 --> 00:57:53,802 Peanut. 1063 00:57:57,599 --> 00:58:00,559 Oh, no. 1064 00:58:06,649 --> 00:58:08,567 Show us your tits! 1065 00:58:11,905 --> 00:58:13,155 Forgive this! 1066 00:58:14,282 --> 00:58:16,283 Dusty, what kind of car is this? 1067 00:58:16,284 --> 00:58:19,661 Carol, this little Japanese princess here is called the Prius. 1068 00:58:19,662 --> 00:58:21,413 I think it's so neat that you kids 1069 00:58:21,414 --> 00:58:23,415 care about the environment. 1070 00:58:23,416 --> 00:58:27,085 - I love the environment. - But honey, don't you drive 1071 00:58:27,086 --> 00:58:30,047 a Range Rover? Aren't those bad? 1072 00:58:30,048 --> 00:58:32,216 Well, I had a really nice time tonight, 1073 00:58:32,217 --> 00:58:33,884 and I hope we can do it again soon. 1074 00:58:33,885 --> 00:58:36,053 Hey, Dusty, thanks for comin'. 1075 00:58:36,054 --> 00:58:38,263 Oh, listen, man, it was my pleasure, really. 1076 00:58:38,264 --> 00:58:41,308 Thank you all for having me. It was so nice. 1077 00:58:41,309 --> 00:58:43,435 And hey, before I forget, make sure 1078 00:58:43,436 --> 00:58:45,812 that you rinse that thing at least twice a day, okay? 1079 00:58:45,813 --> 00:58:48,899 Your mouth is a disgusting open cesspool 1080 00:58:49,067 --> 00:58:51,401 with germs and bacteria. Now put that back! 1081 00:58:51,402 --> 00:58:53,487 - Christopher, put that back. - Put it back! 1082 00:58:55,240 --> 00:58:56,782 Thanks. 1083 00:58:56,783 --> 00:58:58,867 Hey, anyone want some cocoa? 1084 00:58:58,868 --> 00:59:01,787 Oh, Carol, you are so sweet! 1085 00:59:01,788 --> 00:59:04,748 And I would love to do that, except I volunteered at the hospital 1086 00:59:04,749 --> 00:59:06,875 so that Paul could spend Christmas Eve with his family. 1087 00:59:06,876 --> 00:59:09,628 - So, I kinda gotta get going. - AW . 1088 00:59:09,629 --> 00:59:11,463 That's a drag. God ! 1089 00:59:11,464 --> 00:59:13,257 Hey, Jamie, what about you? 1090 00:59:15,260 --> 00:59:17,678 - Ready? - Give me a Cougar roar. Cougar roar! 1091 00:59:19,347 --> 00:59:20,764 AW . 1092 00:59:20,765 --> 00:59:24,560 Cookie Monster says the Cougars are 1093 00:59:24,561 --> 00:59:27,771 great big cookies 1094 00:59:27,772 --> 00:59:29,940 at the top of the jar. 1095 00:59:29,941 --> 00:59:32,901 Ladies and Gentleman, the amazing Chris Brander. 1096 00:59:32,902 --> 00:59:34,903 Oh my gosh, I remember this. 1097 00:59:35,071 --> 00:59:39,491 He juggles three tennis balls, but gets bored very quickly 1098 00:59:39,492 --> 00:59:41,910 and wants something else. 1099 00:59:41,911 --> 00:59:45,414 Shh-shh-shh, clear! 1100 00:59:45,415 --> 00:59:48,166 Clear! 1101 00:59:48,167 --> 00:59:50,419 No kissing ! 1102 00:59:50,420 --> 00:59:52,838 That's right, Jamie Palamino, 1103 00:59:52,839 --> 00:59:54,965 you're my best friend ! 1104 00:59:54,966 --> 00:59:56,925 I love you, Chris Brander. Mwha! 1105 00:59:56,926 --> 00:59:59,803 Mwha, mwha, mwha! 1106 00:59:59,804 --> 01:00:03,599 Oh, your mom's car. You see, this is more like you. 1107 01:00:03,600 --> 01:00:06,643 Yeah, I'm gonna take it back to L.A. 1108 01:00:10,231 --> 01:00:12,858 - What? - Guess what I found? 1109 01:00:12,859 --> 01:00:16,528 - No, the tape I made you? - 1995. 1110 01:00:16,529 --> 01:00:19,031 - "The Summer of Like." - Put it in. 1111 01:00:34,589 --> 01:00:36,923 Oh, God. 1112 01:00:36,924 --> 01:00:38,967 - Oh! - Oh my God, 1113 01:00:38,968 --> 01:00:41,053 I just peed a little. 1114 01:00:41,054 --> 01:00:44,556 - Good night, guys. - Good night, Chris. 1115 01:00:48,394 --> 01:00:50,646 What's up? 1116 01:00:50,647 --> 01:00:52,606 - Little problem. - Where are you? 1117 01:00:52,607 --> 01:00:54,524 - The Metal Shop. - What?! 1118 01:00:54,525 --> 01:00:57,527 Hey! Hey, ow! Ow! 1119 01:00:57,528 --> 01:00:59,613 - That's it, bitch. It's on! - Come on! 1120 01:00:59,614 --> 01:01:03,283 Ah! I'm gonna kill you ! Not so funny now, bitch, huh?! 1121 01:01:03,284 --> 01:01:05,202 - Not so funny now?! - I'm sorry! I'm sorry! 1122 01:01:08,206 --> 01:01:10,332 Kudos on the Christmas cookies, Mom. 1123 01:01:10,333 --> 01:01:12,584 Thanks, pumpkin. I'll be back in an hour. 1124 01:01:27,517 --> 01:01:29,810 - What's up, Dude? - Quiet, she's sleeping. 1125 01:01:29,811 --> 01:01:31,561 I'm going over to Jamie's. 1126 01:01:31,562 --> 01:01:33,438 - Did you boink her yet? - Shut it. 1127 01:01:33,439 --> 01:01:35,524 If she wakes up, tell her I went to meet Bono. 1128 01:01:35,525 --> 01:01:38,193 - You're gonna meet Bono? I wanna come. - No, you walking void, 1129 01:01:38,194 --> 01:01:41,029 it's a lie, but if she wakes up just tell her I'll be back in a bit. 1130 01:01:41,030 --> 01:01:42,989 - Fine! - Fine! 1131 01:01:44,409 --> 01:01:45,992 - I love you. - I love you too. 1132 01:02:02,844 --> 01:02:05,595 Oh, God ! 1133 01:02:15,189 --> 01:02:17,274 This is pathetic! 1134 01:02:48,848 --> 01:02:50,849 Thank you, guys. Thank you. 1135 01:02:50,850 --> 01:02:52,851 Encore! Encore! Encore! 1136 01:02:52,852 --> 01:02:54,853 Okay, all right, one more time. 1137 01:02:54,854 --> 01:02:57,397 - One more time. Okay. - Oh yeah! 1138 01:02:57,398 --> 01:03:01,276 Here we go. You guys, you know, 1139 01:03:01,277 --> 01:03:02,944 Christmas is the time for giving. 1140 01:03:02,945 --> 01:03:05,322 And the most precious gift that you can give. . . 1141 01:03:05,323 --> 01:03:08,575 - is your heart. - AWW . 1142 01:03:08,576 --> 01:03:11,036 Jamie Palamino, this is my gift to you. 1143 01:03:55,873 --> 01:03:58,625 - Where's Chris?! - I'll never tell you anything ! 1144 01:03:58,626 --> 01:04:01,711 Oh yeah? 1145 01:04:17,520 --> 01:04:20,021 Dude, Jamie's outside. What are you doing up here? 1146 01:04:20,022 --> 01:04:22,148 I'm getting my butt kicked by Dinkleman, 1147 01:04:22,149 --> 01:04:23,692 that's what I'm doing up here. 1148 01:04:23,693 --> 01:04:27,279 You see him play that guitar? It's like he has 15 fingers. 1149 01:04:27,280 --> 01:04:30,740 Everybody loves him. I can't compete with this guy. 1150 01:04:30,741 --> 01:04:34,286 You can't compete with this. . . are you kidding me? 1151 01:04:34,287 --> 01:04:37,414 You're Chris Brander! You're Hollywood. You date models! 1152 01:04:37,415 --> 01:04:40,125 He's Jersey. He skis in his jeans! 1153 01:04:40,126 --> 01:04:41,877 It's Dinkleman. 1154 01:04:41,878 --> 01:04:44,170 It's Dusty Dinkleman. 1155 01:04:45,590 --> 01:04:48,300 - Dinkleman. - Dinkleman. 1156 01:04:48,301 --> 01:04:51,177 - Dinkleman. - Dinkleman! 1157 01:04:51,178 --> 01:04:54,264 - Dinkleman. - Dinkleman's going down. 1158 01:04:54,265 --> 01:04:56,933 Dinkleman. . . is going way down. 1159 01:04:56,934 --> 01:04:58,727 Atta boy. 1160 01:04:58,728 --> 01:05:01,187 Now you get out there and you tell Jamie how you feel ! 1161 01:05:01,188 --> 01:05:04,190 - Let's do this. - Atta boy. 1162 01:05:04,191 --> 01:05:07,736 Good ol' Chris Brander, ladies and gentlemen! 1163 01:05:23,711 --> 01:05:25,670 What the. . . 1164 01:05:33,304 --> 01:05:35,513 The jig is up! Run! 1165 01:05:35,514 --> 01:05:37,557 You son of a bitch! 1166 01:05:37,558 --> 01:05:41,144 Samantha! You're here! Shit! 1167 01:05:41,145 --> 01:05:43,313 There she is. There's the little slut 1168 01:05:43,314 --> 01:05:45,190 you've been banging behind my back! 1169 01:05:45,191 --> 01:05:47,525 - Me? - Not you, wrinkles. Her! 1170 01:05:47,526 --> 01:05:50,111 - Who are you? - Oh. . . 1171 01:05:50,112 --> 01:05:52,948 - I'm Samantha James, bitch! - Don't shove me! 1172 01:05:52,949 --> 01:05:55,784 - You're a whore! Santa's little whore! - Get off! 1173 01:05:55,785 --> 01:05:57,702 - Santa's little whore! - Cat fight! 1174 01:05:59,372 --> 01:06:01,498 - Get out! - You're gonna pay for this. 1175 01:06:01,499 --> 01:06:03,124 I'm gonna get you fired ! 1176 01:06:03,125 --> 01:06:05,669 Hope you enjoy unemployment, dickweed ! 1177 01:06:05,670 --> 01:06:07,504 Get off me, God boy! 1178 01:06:07,505 --> 01:06:10,799 But Samantha, What about the words to your song? "Forgiveness"! 1179 01:06:10,800 --> 01:06:13,468 Forgive this, asshole. 1180 01:06:13,469 --> 01:06:16,137 Oh. . . 1181 01:06:16,138 --> 01:06:18,848 I hate this town! 1182 01:06:18,849 --> 01:06:21,393 Call me. 1183 01:06:30,861 --> 01:06:32,487 - Chris? - Yeah. 1184 01:06:32,488 --> 01:06:35,907 - Little problem. - Hm? 1185 01:06:37,034 --> 01:06:38,702 Duck! 1186 01:06:42,164 --> 01:06:45,792 - Ho-ho-ho! Ho-ho! - No! Not Santa! 1187 01:07:00,975 --> 01:07:03,059 Whoa! Flaming reindeer. 1188 01:07:08,190 --> 01:07:11,651 Wow! You don't see that every day. 1189 01:07:14,238 --> 01:07:16,823 Hey Chris, it's Samantha. I just talked to my sponsor 1190 01:07:16,824 --> 01:07:18,783 and I owe you an apology. 1191 01:07:18,784 --> 01:07:20,493 It's Samantha. . . Call me. . . 1192 01:07:20,494 --> 01:07:22,287 It's Samantha! 1193 01:07:22,288 --> 01:07:25,206 Hello, Joyce? 1194 01:07:25,207 --> 01:07:27,876 Joyce? 1195 01:07:34,216 --> 01:07:36,217 Go away. 1196 01:07:36,218 --> 01:07:38,344 Go away! 1197 01:07:40,097 --> 01:07:42,348 Mom, I said I have a tummy ache. 1198 01:07:44,685 --> 01:07:46,728 Well that was an interesting Christmas. 1199 01:07:46,729 --> 01:07:49,522 I'm sorry. I'll pay for everything. 1200 01:07:49,523 --> 01:07:51,357 I'm not here to collect. 1201 01:07:51,358 --> 01:07:53,026 What are you doing here? 1202 01:07:53,027 --> 01:07:55,862 I want to talk to the guy who wrote me this. 1203 01:07:58,532 --> 01:08:01,201 Wow. 1204 01:08:01,202 --> 01:08:05,538 - Mmm. . . want some more? - No. Gallon's my limit. 1205 01:08:05,539 --> 01:08:07,916 Oh, excuse me if I'm not one of your stick models. 1206 01:08:07,917 --> 01:08:10,794 "I'm Chris Brander. I hang out with Good Charlotte and Pink. 1207 01:08:10,795 --> 01:08:13,379 - I go to Jay Z's birthday party. . ." - Okay, okay. All right. 1208 01:08:13,380 --> 01:08:16,091 - Thank you very much. I get it. I was lame. - Yeah. 1209 01:08:16,092 --> 01:08:19,928 Actually, I was nervous, but uh, more importantly, 1210 01:08:19,929 --> 01:08:21,888 does this hat make me look fat? 1211 01:08:26,602 --> 01:08:29,229 So. . . 1212 01:08:29,230 --> 01:08:32,273 is your life everything you'd hoped it'd be? 1213 01:08:32,274 --> 01:08:35,360 I always thought that if I had a huge career 1214 01:08:35,361 --> 01:08:37,695 and famous clients and tons of money 1215 01:08:37,696 --> 01:08:39,781 that I'd be happy. 1216 01:08:39,782 --> 01:08:41,908 And the truth is. . . 1217 01:08:41,909 --> 01:08:43,910 I was right. 1218 01:08:43,911 --> 01:08:46,329 I love it. Especially the money. Ooh. 1219 01:08:46,330 --> 01:08:49,582 You're so bad ! 1220 01:08:49,583 --> 01:08:51,417 What about you? 1221 01:08:51,418 --> 01:08:53,086 Let's put you in the hot seat, huh? 1222 01:08:53,087 --> 01:08:54,879 Where do you see yourself in 10 years? 1223 01:08:56,048 --> 01:08:59,592 Um, well, I see myself teaching. 1224 01:08:59,593 --> 01:09:03,012 And I see myself getting married 1225 01:09:03,013 --> 01:09:04,597 and raising a family. 1226 01:09:07,226 --> 01:09:08,643 What? 1227 01:09:11,856 --> 01:09:14,357 It's gettin' late. 1228 01:09:14,358 --> 01:09:16,776 Why don't I take you home? 1229 01:09:16,777 --> 01:09:18,778 Or. . . 1230 01:09:18,779 --> 01:09:20,697 I could sleep over like old times. 1231 01:09:38,674 --> 01:09:40,341 God. 1232 01:09:45,472 --> 01:09:48,224 - Hi. - Wow. 1233 01:09:55,065 --> 01:09:57,192 - Ahhh. - Ahhh. 1234 01:09:57,193 --> 01:09:58,902 - Here we are. - Yeah. 1235 01:09:58,903 --> 01:10:01,529 Yeah. Hmm. 1236 01:10:12,416 --> 01:10:14,083 This is it. 1237 01:10:14,084 --> 01:10:17,128 You're finally gonna have sex with Jamie Palamino. 1238 01:10:17,129 --> 01:10:21,507 Oh God, look at that face. Look at that body. 1239 01:10:21,508 --> 01:10:24,844 Why are you smiling like a friggin' idiot? 1240 01:10:24,845 --> 01:10:27,222 Go on, make a move. 1241 01:10:27,223 --> 01:10:29,349 Make a move! 1242 01:10:31,435 --> 01:10:33,436 What's on your mind? 1243 01:10:33,437 --> 01:10:35,271 Bush. 1244 01:10:36,482 --> 01:10:39,525 President Bush, The First Family, really. 1245 01:10:47,284 --> 01:10:50,203 Dude, you're killing me! 1246 01:10:50,204 --> 01:10:53,414 This is the girl of your dreams. Ravish her! 1247 01:10:53,415 --> 01:10:55,625 But what if she doesn't want to be ravished? 1248 01:10:55,626 --> 01:10:58,127 What if she wants to stay friends? Friends don't ravish each other? 1249 01:10:58,128 --> 01:11:00,505 Friends watch "New Year's Rockin' Eve." 1250 01:11:00,506 --> 01:11:02,298 I wonder who's hosting this year? 1251 01:11:02,299 --> 01:11:05,593 Chris, can you put your feet on mine? They're freezing. 1252 01:11:05,594 --> 01:11:07,345 Yeah. 1253 01:11:07,346 --> 01:11:09,514 Hell yeah. Her feet aren't even cold. 1254 01:11:09,515 --> 01:11:11,432 This is it. 1255 01:11:11,433 --> 01:11:14,686 Don't even think about how weird tomorrow's gonna be. 1256 01:11:17,940 --> 01:11:22,110 - Chris. - Oh, God. Oh, God. 1257 01:11:22,111 --> 01:11:24,696 What're you doing? Where're you going? 1258 01:11:24,697 --> 01:11:27,115 - Is everything all right? - Oh, everything's fine. 1259 01:11:27,116 --> 01:11:29,909 Yeah. You okay? Uh, you need another blanket or anything? 1260 01:11:29,910 --> 01:11:31,619 - No, I'm fine. - Ah. 1261 01:11:31,620 --> 01:11:34,789 You're not gonna make a move, are you? 1262 01:11:34,790 --> 01:11:37,500 - Good night, Jamie. - Good night, Chris. 1263 01:11:37,501 --> 01:11:40,253 You don't deserve a penis. 1264 01:11:42,589 --> 01:11:44,382 God, and we had this great night 1265 01:11:44,383 --> 01:11:46,509 and we were laughing 1266 01:11:46,510 --> 01:11:49,012 and we were showing each other old pictures and. . . 1267 01:11:49,013 --> 01:11:50,972 - Did he try anything? - No! 1268 01:11:50,973 --> 01:11:54,434 - Did you try anything? - No, but I put myself out there. 1269 01:11:54,435 --> 01:11:56,811 I mean, I wore the sexy white shirt 1270 01:11:56,812 --> 01:12:00,440 and I did the whole cold-feet move and we slept in the same bed. 1271 01:12:00,441 --> 01:12:03,234 What the hell is wrong with you? I mean, why didn't you sleep with her? 1272 01:12:03,235 --> 01:12:05,153 - Oh, I know. I had her. - I mean, are you two 1273 01:12:05,154 --> 01:12:07,238 on the same menstrual cycle yet or what? 1274 01:12:07,239 --> 01:12:10,950 I don't know, I don't know, I don't know. 1275 01:12:10,951 --> 01:12:13,411 Maybe I just don't compare to these L.A. Girls. 1276 01:12:13,412 --> 01:12:15,705 Look, the timing just wasn't right, you know? 1277 01:12:15,706 --> 01:12:20,168 I'm. . . I'm laying there. I'm about to make my move 1278 01:12:20,169 --> 01:12:22,628 and then suddenly it just hits me. 1279 01:12:22,629 --> 01:12:24,630 Where's this going? 1280 01:12:24,631 --> 01:12:26,716 What happens after we sleep together? 1281 01:12:26,717 --> 01:12:28,801 Does she move to L.A.? Do I move back here? 1282 01:12:28,802 --> 01:12:31,804 Jesus, Dude. I thought you just wanted to sleep with her. 1283 01:12:31,805 --> 01:12:34,474 Maybe he just wants to be friends. 1284 01:12:34,475 --> 01:12:37,226 Maybe he's gay. 1285 01:12:37,227 --> 01:12:39,812 I can't just sleep with Jamie Palamino. We have a history. 1286 01:12:39,813 --> 01:12:41,898 - We're. . . we're. . . we're. . . we're. . . - Friends. 1287 01:12:44,026 --> 01:12:46,027 God damn it! 1288 01:12:46,028 --> 01:12:48,279 I'm right back in high school again, you know? 1289 01:12:48,280 --> 01:12:52,033 I gotta follow my own advice. I gotta just walk away. 1290 01:12:52,034 --> 01:12:53,534 No, put me on the 3 :00. 1291 01:12:53,535 --> 01:12:55,536 The sooner I get out of here, the better. 1292 01:12:55,537 --> 01:12:58,331 - You sure about this? - No. 1293 01:13:17,351 --> 01:13:19,685 Hey listen. I gotta hang out 1294 01:13:19,686 --> 01:13:21,562 with my friends over there, okay? 1295 01:13:21,563 --> 01:13:24,440 - I'll talk to you tonight. - Whoo! 1296 01:13:26,235 --> 01:13:29,570 - What's up, homies? - You tell me. 1297 01:13:29,571 --> 01:13:31,447 - What's with the nurse? - Oh, Janice. 1298 01:13:31,448 --> 01:13:33,950 Oof, another bee in the hive, my friend, 1299 01:13:33,951 --> 01:13:37,078 - just another bee. - Well, what about Jamie? 1300 01:13:37,079 --> 01:13:38,871 What about her? I mean, hey, 1301 01:13:38,872 --> 01:13:41,457 it's great, right? Two biggest geeks back in the day 1302 01:13:41,458 --> 01:13:43,709 now finally have a shot with the hottest chick in high school? 1303 01:13:43,710 --> 01:13:46,546 - You can't write that stuff, my friend. - Hey, are you kidding me? 1304 01:13:46,547 --> 01:13:49,215 Oh, come on, man. Cut the nice guy routine. 1305 01:13:49,216 --> 01:13:51,467 I know what you're up to and I am all for it. 1306 01:13:51,468 --> 01:13:53,928 I mean it is gonna be sweet revenge on Jamie Palamino 1307 01:13:53,929 --> 01:13:55,972 for keeping us in the friend zone all those years. 1308 01:13:55,973 --> 01:13:58,683 Oh, yeah, you wish you were in the friend zone. 1309 01:13:58,684 --> 01:14:01,018 I was in the friend zone. Friend zone's mine. 1310 01:14:01,019 --> 01:14:03,980 - Dusty, popcorn's ready. - Copy that, I'm mobile. 1311 01:14:03,981 --> 01:14:05,815 - Listen, I gotta run. - The man's juice! 1312 01:14:05,816 --> 01:14:07,859 You guys have a nice time. It's been nice seeing you. 1313 01:14:07,860 --> 01:14:11,112 Have fun with Jamie. I know I will. Clark, always a pleasure. 1314 01:14:11,113 --> 01:14:13,030 - Dinkleman. - Son of a bitch. 1315 01:14:15,075 --> 01:14:17,326 So we're looking at day cares. 1316 01:14:17,327 --> 01:14:19,912 And Darla's got this one picked out for TJ and it's great. 1317 01:14:19,913 --> 01:14:22,540 And you know, don't get me wrong, I want the best for my kid. 1318 01:14:22,541 --> 01:14:24,417 I mean he deserves the best 1319 01:14:24,418 --> 01:14:28,004 but Tiny Tots is just too. . . oh, Mariah Carey! 1320 01:14:31,842 --> 01:14:33,843 What the hell are you doing?! 1321 01:14:33,844 --> 01:14:36,471 This is a Pontiac Grand Prix! 1322 01:14:36,472 --> 01:14:38,473 I'm sorry, okay?! 1323 01:14:38,474 --> 01:14:41,267 But I can't let Dinkleman get away with this! 1324 01:14:41,268 --> 01:14:45,062 I refuse to sit back and let Jamie get used by another asshole! 1325 01:14:45,063 --> 01:14:48,608 You could've asked ! L.A. Guys are so dramatic. 1326 01:14:48,609 --> 01:14:51,068 - I'm sorry! - Okay. 1327 01:14:57,367 --> 01:15:00,411 You know, one good snowfall and you won't see any of this. 1328 01:15:08,003 --> 01:15:10,129 Hi, Mr. Palamino. How are you? 1329 01:15:10,130 --> 01:15:12,507 Come to destroy the rest of the house, huh? 1330 01:15:12,508 --> 01:15:15,259 Look, I'm really sorry about yesterday. 1331 01:15:15,260 --> 01:15:18,888 - Ho-ho-ho. - And that. 1332 01:15:18,889 --> 01:15:21,974 Look, I know you hate me, but I need to speak with Jamie. Where is she? 1333 01:15:21,975 --> 01:15:24,936 - She's gone off with Mr. Lee. - Dry cleaner? 1334 01:15:24,937 --> 01:15:28,272 - No. Dusty, you jackass. - Where are they? 1335 01:16:02,474 --> 01:16:05,059 - Chris, what're you doing here? - I need to talk to you. 1336 01:16:08,647 --> 01:16:09,689 Dusty! 1337 01:16:11,108 --> 01:16:12,149 Yes! 1338 01:16:14,611 --> 01:16:16,862 - I really need to speak with you ! - This next number 1339 01:16:16,863 --> 01:16:19,198 - is for your favorite teacher and mine. - Let's go. 1340 01:16:19,199 --> 01:16:21,367 She put this wonderful concert together for all of us. 1341 01:16:21,368 --> 01:16:24,412 Give a big round of applause to Miss Jamie Palamino. 1342 01:16:35,549 --> 01:16:37,967 God, I still can't believe he wrote me that song. 1343 01:16:37,968 --> 01:16:41,137 Oh I can. He's been working on that song since high school, remember? 1344 01:16:41,138 --> 01:16:42,972 It's like the stalker's national anthem. 1345 01:16:42,973 --> 01:16:45,266 Not to mention I already heard that song today, 1346 01:16:45,267 --> 01:16:47,393 only it was Janice's eyes that made him smile. 1347 01:16:47,394 --> 01:16:50,229 - Janice? Who's Janice? - A nurse with really big boobs 1348 01:16:50,230 --> 01:16:53,733 that works at the medical center. A girl I saw him kissing earlier tonight. 1349 01:16:53,734 --> 01:16:56,485 Dusty's a Jersey player, Jamie! 1350 01:16:56,486 --> 01:16:57,903 He's out for revenge on you 1351 01:16:57,904 --> 01:16:59,947 for putting him in the friend zone in high school. 1352 01:16:59,948 --> 01:17:01,741 What are you talking about? 1353 01:17:01,742 --> 01:17:03,784 The guy's looking for the anger bang ! 1354 01:17:03,785 --> 01:17:06,746 Amazing ! That's exactly what he said about you. 1355 01:17:06,747 --> 01:17:08,873 - Don't you see what's happening here? - Oh, I don't know. 1356 01:17:09,041 --> 01:17:11,292 The guy's just out-playing me, that's all. 1357 01:17:11,293 --> 01:17:13,544 Oh, it's about you ! Now he's out-playing you ! 1358 01:17:13,545 --> 01:17:15,546 - W-what am I, a game? - No! 1359 01:17:15,547 --> 01:17:17,381 Would you guys like to join us in a carol 1360 01:17:17,382 --> 01:17:20,009 - to celebrate the birth of our Lord? - No! 1361 01:17:24,389 --> 01:17:28,267 My God, don't! Dusty! Don't! 1362 01:17:28,268 --> 01:17:30,519 - Dinkleman! - What is the matter with you? 1363 01:17:30,520 --> 01:17:32,730 This is a Christmas concert for children! 1364 01:17:32,731 --> 01:17:35,441 - You liar! - Suckster's not your boyfriend, is he? 1365 01:17:35,442 --> 01:17:38,903 - No, he's not! - 'Cause we like Dusty. 1366 01:17:38,904 --> 01:17:41,155 Dusty! Dusty! Dusty! Dusty! 1367 01:17:41,156 --> 01:17:42,948 - Ugh! - Dusty! Dusty! Dusty. . . ! 1368 01:17:42,949 --> 01:17:44,784 Oooh! 1369 01:17:44,785 --> 01:17:47,203 I'm being framed ! I'm being framed ! 1370 01:17:48,497 --> 01:17:51,582 - Dusty! - Dinkleman! 1371 01:17:51,583 --> 01:17:54,627 Man, when you come back to town, you come back to town! 1372 01:17:54,628 --> 01:17:58,422 Huh? Huh? Look, don't sweat it. 1373 01:17:58,423 --> 01:18:00,549 W- w-we'll go to The Maple tonight 1374 01:18:00,550 --> 01:18:02,259 You can apologize to Jamie 1375 01:18:02,260 --> 01:18:05,805 and everything will be just. . . just peachy. 1376 01:18:05,806 --> 01:18:08,140 Okay, yep, good. Thanks, Clark, for everything. 1377 01:18:08,141 --> 01:18:10,518 See you in another 10 years. Guess not. 1378 01:18:12,729 --> 01:18:15,231 How'd it go with Jamie last night? You boink her? 1379 01:18:15,232 --> 01:18:17,650 That would be a no. 1380 01:18:17,651 --> 01:18:19,902 Raise you hand if your brother's a homo! 1381 01:18:21,279 --> 01:18:23,614 All right. Keep in touch! 1382 01:18:28,120 --> 01:18:32,415 You believe that? Not one taxi, not one. 1383 01:18:32,416 --> 01:18:35,000 Stupid town. I gotta take the bus! 1384 01:18:35,001 --> 01:18:36,544 Dude, bus sucks! 1385 01:18:38,213 --> 01:18:41,173 Yes! I am outta here! 1386 01:18:43,093 --> 01:18:46,846 So long, Sucktown! Kiss my ass! 1387 01:18:48,557 --> 01:18:51,058 Hey, Mr. Bus Driver Man. 1388 01:18:51,059 --> 01:18:52,768 Hey. . . 1389 01:18:52,769 --> 01:18:56,272 pull my finger. Come on, pull my finger. 1390 01:19:18,879 --> 01:19:22,339 - Aw! - Yoo-hoo! 1391 01:19:22,340 --> 01:19:25,843 - Great. - Jamie! 1392 01:19:25,844 --> 01:19:28,554 - Whoa, miss, miss. W-w-whoa. - What? What, what, wha. . . 1393 01:19:28,555 --> 01:19:30,848 - what, Chris? What do you want? - I just want to apologize. 1394 01:19:30,849 --> 01:19:32,767 I'm sorry. I was out of line, okay? 1395 01:19:32,768 --> 01:19:35,227 - You're an asshole. - Oh, my. . . I was. . . 1396 01:19:35,228 --> 01:19:37,772 Hey, I'm gonna get you a cab and take you home, huh? 1397 01:19:37,773 --> 01:19:41,025 - She's so sensitive! - You blew it. I'm winning. 1398 01:19:41,026 --> 01:19:43,360 - You're the Devil. - So go ahead, just go sleep it off. 1399 01:19:43,361 --> 01:19:45,446 You'll be right as rain in the morning, brother. 1400 01:19:45,447 --> 01:19:48,365 Chris, you're drunk! Go home! 1401 01:19:48,366 --> 01:19:50,826 I'm not drunk. What's this? 1402 01:19:51,953 --> 01:19:55,331 Ooh. "Simply Dusty" 1403 01:19:55,332 --> 01:19:57,416 Is there any other kind? That's adorable. 1404 01:19:57,417 --> 01:19:59,418 Do you know what else is adorable? You two. 1405 01:19:59,419 --> 01:20:02,379 Hey! Stop bringing Dusty into your problems, okay? 1406 01:20:02,380 --> 01:20:04,381 Dusty and I are fine. 1407 01:20:04,382 --> 01:20:07,009 - Dusty and I are friends. - Right! 1408 01:20:07,010 --> 01:20:09,845 - Not for too long, I hope. - Yeah. . . 1409 01:20:09,846 --> 01:20:11,388 Wait, what? 1410 01:20:11,389 --> 01:20:13,265 Slow down. What did you just say? 1411 01:20:13,266 --> 01:20:15,559 Jamie, listen, I've been meaning to talk to you. 1412 01:20:15,560 --> 01:20:17,561 L. . . about our relationship. 1413 01:20:17,562 --> 01:20:20,231 Maybe we could take the next step or something? 1414 01:20:20,232 --> 01:20:21,732 Dusty, can I be honest with you? 1415 01:20:21,733 --> 01:20:24,485 - I think you're a really nice guy. - Thank you. 1416 01:20:24,486 --> 01:20:26,779 I think you're funny and charming and sweet, 1417 01:20:26,780 --> 01:20:29,865 and I just don't have those feelings for you. 1418 01:20:29,866 --> 01:20:31,784 - You're kidding. - No. 1419 01:20:31,785 --> 01:20:36,288 Whew! 1420 01:20:36,289 --> 01:20:39,458 Okay, 'cause. . . cause I wrote you that song and everything, 1421 01:20:39,459 --> 01:20:41,377 you know, and I worked really hard on it 1422 01:20:41,378 --> 01:20:43,712 and what kind of girl would you be if you didn't put out for the guy that wrote 1423 01:20:43,713 --> 01:20:45,673 - you that song, you know what mean? - Huh? 1424 01:20:48,134 --> 01:20:50,594 F- this. I'm mobile. 1425 01:20:51,847 --> 01:20:53,764 Ah-ha! 1426 01:20:56,226 --> 01:20:58,561 I'm gonna miss him! 1427 01:20:58,562 --> 01:21:00,271 - Oh! - Ow! 1428 01:21:00,272 --> 01:21:02,690 - What? Heh. - Eh! 1429 01:21:05,318 --> 01:21:07,319 Get off me, Chris! Why are you here? 1430 01:21:07,320 --> 01:21:08,904 Why do you keep messing with my head? 1431 01:21:09,072 --> 01:21:11,156 I messed with your head for three days. 1432 01:21:11,157 --> 01:21:14,201 You've been torturing me since the sixth grade! 1433 01:21:14,202 --> 01:21:15,995 So that's what this is about? 1434 01:21:15,996 --> 01:21:18,831 Because I wouldn't screw you in high school? Get over yourself! 1435 01:21:18,832 --> 01:21:22,251 Oh, after years of you being the biggest tease, 1436 01:21:22,252 --> 01:21:24,920 trust me, I'm so over myself. 1437 01:21:24,921 --> 01:21:26,630 Oh, so now I'm the tease. 1438 01:21:26,631 --> 01:21:28,215 I practically throw myself at you 1439 01:21:28,216 --> 01:21:29,884 the other night and you did nothing ! 1440 01:21:29,885 --> 01:21:33,512 And now you know how it feels. 1441 01:21:33,513 --> 01:21:35,472 I'm outta here. 1442 01:21:35,473 --> 01:21:37,808 Yeah, there you go. Just walk away like you always do! 1443 01:21:37,809 --> 01:21:39,560 Oh, no no no. I'm-I'm not walking away. 1444 01:21:39,561 --> 01:21:41,645 I'm running back to my great life in L.A. ! 1445 01:21:41,646 --> 01:21:44,189 - Great. Well, have fun. - Oh, you have fun. . . 1446 01:21:44,190 --> 01:21:46,442 being the girl who peaked in high school. 1447 01:21:46,443 --> 01:21:49,486 - Ooohh! - You slap like a cheerleader. 1448 01:21:49,487 --> 01:21:51,530 Bye, Chris. 1449 01:21:53,450 --> 01:21:55,367 And stay out! 1450 01:22:00,457 --> 01:22:02,041 I've always wanted to say that. 1451 01:23:12,529 --> 01:23:14,113 How did you get in here? 1452 01:23:14,114 --> 01:23:16,448 My bodyguard let me in. 1453 01:23:16,449 --> 01:23:19,201 I was making cookies. 1454 01:23:19,202 --> 01:23:20,911 Oh, I was trying to be all domesticated 1455 01:23:20,912 --> 01:23:23,163 like that skank you were banging behind my back. 1456 01:23:23,164 --> 01:23:24,623 Please leave me alone. 1457 01:23:25,750 --> 01:23:27,751 No, sh-sh-sh-sh! 1458 01:23:27,752 --> 01:23:29,420 Hugs and kisses! 1459 01:23:29,421 --> 01:23:32,840 It's all good, baby, it's all good. 1460 01:23:32,841 --> 01:23:35,926 By making me jealous on purpose you inspire me to write the best songs, 1461 01:23:35,927 --> 01:23:37,761 you know, full of angst and hate! 1462 01:23:37,762 --> 01:23:40,556 You like that. You and I are gonna be 1463 01:23:40,557 --> 01:23:42,641 the greatest musical manager team 1464 01:23:42,642 --> 01:23:45,019 since Jessica Simpson and her father. . . 1465 01:23:45,020 --> 01:23:47,104 only we get to "mreow" and they can't, 1466 01:23:47,105 --> 01:23:49,690 'cause it's illegal. I looked it up. 1467 01:23:49,691 --> 01:23:53,277 This is the new and improved "Forgiveness." 1468 01:24:06,374 --> 01:24:08,792 Are you sorry? Ha ha! 1469 01:24:15,175 --> 01:24:16,925 - No. - No? 1470 01:24:16,926 --> 01:24:19,928 - No more. - But I've forgiven you ! 1471 01:24:19,929 --> 01:24:22,139 - It's just like the song. . . - Sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-sh. . . 1472 01:24:22,140 --> 01:24:25,559 This isn't about you. 1473 01:24:25,560 --> 01:24:27,936 It's cool, you can have other girls. I like girls. 1474 01:24:27,937 --> 01:24:29,813 Darla! 1475 01:24:29,814 --> 01:24:31,899 I don't want other girls. 1476 01:24:32,067 --> 01:24:33,609 I want one girl. 1477 01:24:35,028 --> 01:24:36,987 - That's not you. - Hmph. 1478 01:24:42,660 --> 01:24:44,036 Look. I'll call. . . 1479 01:24:46,998 --> 01:24:48,415 Ouch. 1480 01:24:52,504 --> 01:24:54,922 - Why don't you like me? - It's a little hard to answer 1481 01:24:54,923 --> 01:24:56,924 with a taser in my balls! 1482 01:24:56,925 --> 01:24:59,635 This is about Santa's little whore, isn't it? 1483 01:25:03,348 --> 01:25:05,390 Ooh yeah, it's go time. 1484 01:25:05,391 --> 01:25:06,725 Hey, hey, hey! It's not go time! 1485 01:25:06,726 --> 01:25:08,727 This isn't how it works, Samantha. 1486 01:25:08,728 --> 01:25:12,314 You can't force or-or torture someone into liking you. 1487 01:25:12,315 --> 01:25:13,941 Ooh, the big speech. 1488 01:25:13,942 --> 01:25:15,734 No! You just have to put yourself out there 1489 01:25:15,735 --> 01:25:16,735 and hope that they like you back. 1490 01:25:16,736 --> 01:25:18,904 This isn't a game! This is my life! 1491 01:25:18,905 --> 01:25:20,823 Oh, yeah, well, this is my life! 1492 01:25:20,824 --> 01:25:22,741 Okay? I'm sorry. 1493 01:25:22,742 --> 01:25:25,869 I'm not the most boring person ever! 1494 01:25:25,870 --> 01:25:27,454 Okay? I'm sorry I'm not poor! 1495 01:25:28,540 --> 01:25:30,374 I'm sorry. . . 1496 01:25:30,375 --> 01:25:33,794 I'm sorry I don't have a fat ass! 1497 01:25:33,795 --> 01:25:36,463 I'm sorry I'm not. . . where're you going? 1498 01:25:53,606 --> 01:25:55,065 Hey! Hey, where is she? 1499 01:26:10,874 --> 01:26:12,875 Hi. 1500 01:26:12,876 --> 01:26:15,002 Jamie. Look, Jamie! 1501 01:26:16,921 --> 01:26:19,047 I said a lot of really crappy things the other night 1502 01:26:19,048 --> 01:26:22,092 and I'm sorry about that. 1503 01:26:22,093 --> 01:26:24,678 I haven't been a very good friend to you and I'm sorry, okay? 1504 01:26:24,679 --> 01:26:28,724 I just. . . the truth is I'm-I'm afraid to be your friend 1505 01:26:28,725 --> 01:26:30,559 'cause I'm always gonna want more. 1506 01:26:31,686 --> 01:26:33,437 But then I got to thinking that-that 1507 01:26:33,438 --> 01:26:36,190 I'd rather have you in my life as a friend than not at all. 1508 01:26:39,611 --> 01:26:41,528 You know what? That's a lie too. 1509 01:26:45,950 --> 01:26:47,743 Why are you back here? 1510 01:26:49,704 --> 01:26:51,496 Because I want to take you on a date. 1511 01:26:53,541 --> 01:26:56,418 And I don't care if it's in the day or at night 1512 01:26:56,419 --> 01:26:59,880 or whenever, as long as it's a real date. 1513 01:26:59,881 --> 01:27:03,050 And I want to tell you how beautiful I think you are inside and out. 1514 01:27:04,219 --> 01:27:06,511 And I want to have babies with you 1515 01:27:06,512 --> 01:27:09,473 and I want to marry you and I love you. 1516 01:27:10,934 --> 01:27:12,976 Jamie, I always have. 1517 01:27:16,648 --> 01:27:19,191 Mmm. Ow! 1518 01:27:19,192 --> 01:27:21,401 Sorry. Just, uh. . . 1519 01:27:21,402 --> 01:27:23,320 20 years all at once! 1520 01:27:45,593 --> 01:27:46,718 Unbelievable! 1521 01:27:46,719 --> 01:27:48,804 Suckster's making out with Mrs. P! 1522 01:27:48,805 --> 01:27:51,098 What is she thinking? 1523 01:27:51,099 --> 01:27:54,309 - Hey, Sarah, do you want my last cookie? - Oh, thanks, Brett! 1524 01:27:54,310 --> 01:27:56,520 Hey, Joey, do you want some of my cookie? 1525 01:27:56,521 --> 01:27:58,188 Don't mind if I do. 1526 01:27:58,189 --> 01:28:01,483 - You're such a good friend, Brett. - The bestest! 1527 01:28:01,484 --> 01:28:02,818 Ahh. 1528 01:28:02,819 --> 01:28:03,568 Oh, shit! 1529 01:28:04,821 --> 01:28:08,782 Blu-ray authoring : Wojciech Janio & Agata Wactawiak