1
00:01:06,316 --> 00:01:08,401
Hello, folks at home.
(LAUGHS)

2
00:01:08,485 --> 00:01:11,404
Here I am, 100 yards from
the top of Mount Everest.

3
00:01:11,488 --> 00:01:12,697
Yet there's a part of me

4
00:01:12,781 --> 00:01:15,074
that can't wait to end
this silly vacation

5
00:01:15,159 --> 00:01:18,119
and get back to work
where the real
challenges await.

6
00:01:18,203 --> 00:01:19,203
(LAUGHS)

7
00:01:19,663 --> 00:01:22,165
Shouldn't you take your age
into consideration, sir?

8
00:01:22,249 --> 00:01:24,333
After all,
you're 82 years old.

9
00:01:24,626 --> 00:01:26,043
Am I 82?

10
00:01:26,128 --> 00:01:27,587
These numbers
mean nothing to me.

11
00:01:27,671 --> 00:01:29,422
My journey through life
has just begun.

12
00:01:30,174 --> 00:01:31,674
Sir! Sir!

13
00:01:32,301 --> 00:01:33,926
Oota tells me
the storm's getting worse.

14
00:01:34,011 --> 00:01:35,052
Very, very bad.

15
00:01:35,137 --> 00:01:36,429
We must abandon our ascent

16
00:01:36,513 --> 00:01:38,097
and proceed down
the mountain immediately.

17
00:01:38,182 --> 00:01:41,184
We're so very close
to the top,
Mr. Puffy-Jacket-Man.

18
00:01:41,935 --> 00:01:45,563
I'm heading down now, sir.
I advise you to do the same.

19
00:01:45,647 --> 00:01:46,939
All right, so be it.

20
00:01:47,024 --> 00:01:48,733
See you at the staff
meeting on Monday.

21
00:01:48,817 --> 00:01:50,860
And I'll bring
the Krispy Kremes!

22
00:01:52,196 --> 00:01:53,196
(LAUGHS)

23
00:01:55,824 --> 00:01:57,033
(MAN SCREAMING)

24
00:02:09,630 --> 00:02:12,632
ANCHORMAN: There,
once again, the sad footage
we've been watching all day.

25
00:02:13,467 --> 00:02:16,010
A beloved visionary who
turned a single radio station

26
00:02:16,094 --> 00:02:17,887
into a global
media empire.

27
00:02:17,971 --> 00:02:21,474
Preston Blake,
dead at 82.
More after this.

28
00:02:26,146 --> 00:02:28,064
ANNOUNCER:
You're watching the Blake
Broadcasting Network.

29
00:02:28,148 --> 00:02:29,315
The stock of Blake Media,

30
00:02:29,399 --> 00:02:30,858
the parent company
of this network,

31
00:02:30,943 --> 00:02:33,528
plunged this morning on
the news of Blake's death,

32
00:02:33,612 --> 00:02:35,321
but bounced back
after a statement

33
00:02:35,405 --> 00:02:37,824
by Blake's longtime
number 2, Chuck Cedar.

34
00:02:37,908 --> 00:02:40,117
And all the king's horses
and all the king's men

35
00:02:40,202 --> 00:02:43,621
couldn't save Preston Blake
from becoming
a human popsicle.

36
00:02:43,705 --> 00:02:45,665
And sources indicate
that Blake,

37
00:02:45,749 --> 00:02:48,668
who was single
and had no children,
did not leave a will.

38
00:02:49,419 --> 00:02:51,712
So, who inherits
Blake's 49% stake

39
00:02:51,797 --> 00:02:55,258
in the company's stock
valued at $40 billion?

40
00:02:55,342 --> 00:02:57,677
We'll discuss that
with people close
to Preston Blake,

41
00:02:57,761 --> 00:02:59,679
including his
longtime barber

42
00:02:59,763 --> 00:03:03,766
on tomorrow's Inside Access.
Until then, I'm Mac McGrath.

43
00:03:04,226 --> 00:03:05,309
(THEME SONG PLAYING)

44
00:03:05,769 --> 00:03:07,603
Are we clear?
MAN: Clear!

45
00:03:07,938 --> 00:03:10,523
Babe? Where's Babe?

46
00:03:10,607 --> 00:03:13,276
I'm gonna come over there
and I'm gonna
choke you to death.

47
00:03:13,360 --> 00:03:15,111
I gotta go.
Freaking barber!

48
00:03:15,195 --> 00:03:16,654
That's the best
you could get me, huh?

49
00:03:16,738 --> 00:03:19,699
People tell everything
to their barbers, Mac.

50
00:03:19,783 --> 00:03:23,119
I mean, he's been
his closest confidant
for more than 20 years.

51
00:03:23,203 --> 00:03:25,288
Babe, I'm not putting
this guy on the air.

52
00:03:25,372 --> 00:03:27,081
You get me something better
and you get it quick.

53
00:03:27,165 --> 00:03:28,791
Or it's your ass.

54
00:03:30,836 --> 00:03:32,420
(PEOPLE CHATTERING)

55
00:03:33,213 --> 00:03:34,881
Did we find this heir yet?

56
00:03:34,965 --> 00:03:38,009
We should be getting
that information via fax
any minute now.

57
00:03:38,093 --> 00:03:39,927
I have lawyers looking
through birth records

58
00:03:40,012 --> 00:03:43,264
in all 50 states,
Puerto Rico, and Guam.

59
00:03:43,348 --> 00:03:45,099
In fact, we have
a little pool going.

60
00:03:45,392 --> 00:03:48,269
Guam's paying off
at 1,000 to 1. (CHUCKLES)

61
00:03:48,520 --> 00:03:50,062
Is this a joke to you?

62
00:03:51,148 --> 00:03:52,565
Some genetic
lottery winner

63
00:03:52,649 --> 00:03:54,609
now controls the fate
of this company.

64
00:03:54,693 --> 00:03:57,236
No, no. I agree.
It's troubling.

65
00:03:57,321 --> 00:03:58,404
Troubling?

66
00:03:58,488 --> 00:04:00,239
Your beard is troubling.

67
00:04:00,532 --> 00:04:02,158
Your pipe is troubling.

68
00:04:02,242 --> 00:04:04,911
Your yellow teeth
are really troubling.

69
00:04:04,995 --> 00:04:08,080
But if I lose control
of this company,
it'll be catastrophic.

70
00:04:08,165 --> 00:04:09,165
(FAX MACHINE RINGING)

71
00:04:14,421 --> 00:04:16,964
Does anyone know
a Dr. Mendlesohn?

72
00:04:18,050 --> 00:04:20,343
Congratulations,
you have a spastic colon.

73
00:04:21,637 --> 00:04:23,804
That would explain a lot.

74
00:04:23,931 --> 00:04:26,641
(FAX MACHINE RINGING)
(PHONE RINGING)

75
00:04:38,737 --> 00:04:40,488
"Longfellow Deeds."

76
00:04:46,787 --> 00:04:49,413
Chuck, I think we're there.

77
00:04:51,375 --> 00:04:53,042
My God, it's all green.

78
00:04:56,004 --> 00:04:58,589
(BLEATING)
(MOOING)

79
00:04:58,882 --> 00:05:02,176
Wow. Look at that thing.
Fighter pilot on your left.

80
00:05:02,260 --> 00:05:03,427
(MIMICS GUN FIRING)

81
00:05:04,304 --> 00:05:05,805
Whoo-hoo! God,
I've got that sucker.

82
00:05:06,139 --> 00:05:07,848
(WHOOPING)

83
00:05:20,654 --> 00:05:21,946
You guys lost?

84
00:05:22,030 --> 00:05:24,824
We're looking
for somebody.
Longfellow Deeds.

85
00:05:25,075 --> 00:05:27,326
Wow. Is that
Deeds' first name?

86
00:05:27,411 --> 00:05:29,996
Well, if the Deeds
you're referring to
is Longfellow Deeds,

87
00:05:30,080 --> 00:05:32,081
then yes, that is
Deeds' first name.

88
00:05:32,624 --> 00:05:35,501
Well, I don't know
Deeds' first name.
Maybe it's Greg.

89
00:05:35,794 --> 00:05:36,961
Maybe it's Longfellow.

90
00:05:37,337 --> 00:05:39,171
Maybe. But I don't know.

91
00:05:39,256 --> 00:05:41,674
I know another guy named Greg.
You want me to call him up?

92
00:05:41,758 --> 00:05:43,092
No. Thank you.

93
00:05:43,593 --> 00:05:44,844
Please, just tell us
where Deeds lives.

94
00:05:45,137 --> 00:05:47,680
All right, don't get all
hyperactive on me, buddy.

95
00:05:47,764 --> 00:05:49,306
I'll take you
straight to him.

96
00:05:52,019 --> 00:05:53,019
(DOG BARKS)

97
00:05:53,103 --> 00:05:54,770
(BRAKES SCREECH)

98
00:05:55,313 --> 00:05:56,981
MURPH: Step right in,
fellows.

99
00:05:57,065 --> 00:05:58,941
(UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING)

100
00:06:00,152 --> 00:06:01,277
CHUCK: He lives
at a pizzeria?

101
00:06:01,778 --> 00:06:03,195
You can't live
in a pizzeria.

102
00:06:03,280 --> 00:06:05,531
He lives upstairs.
He owns it.

103
00:06:05,615 --> 00:06:07,867
Excuse me.
Is Mr. Deeds around?

104
00:06:07,951 --> 00:06:10,161
No, I'm sorry.
He's out making deliveries.

105
00:06:10,245 --> 00:06:12,121
The regular delivery guy
called in sick.

106
00:06:12,622 --> 00:06:14,373
But you don't look
too sick to me, Murph.

107
00:06:14,458 --> 00:06:17,543
Oh! I forgot I was
faking sick today.

108
00:06:18,795 --> 00:06:20,880
You two tricked me
into coming here.

109
00:06:20,964 --> 00:06:23,132
Murph, put on an apron
and give me a hand.

110
00:06:23,508 --> 00:06:26,635
You guys played me
like a fiddle. Touché!

111
00:06:27,220 --> 00:06:29,430
Um...
Is Mrs. Deeds around?

112
00:06:29,514 --> 00:06:30,556
Mrs. Deeds?

113
00:06:30,974 --> 00:06:32,767
I don't think that
poor boy ever had a date.

114
00:06:33,143 --> 00:06:34,226
Do you know when
he'll be back?

115
00:06:34,311 --> 00:06:36,812
Well, he'll be back
before lunch is out.
Today's Card Day.

116
00:06:37,147 --> 00:06:39,190
Card Day?
Deeds writes greeting cards.

117
00:06:39,274 --> 00:06:42,568
Every Monday,
he tries out a few
and then he chooses one

118
00:06:42,652 --> 00:06:44,820
and sends it to one of
the big card companies.

119
00:06:44,905 --> 00:06:48,574
Now, he hasn't sold
any yet, but he will.

120
00:06:50,035 --> 00:06:51,869
You guys need
anything else here?

121
00:06:52,370 --> 00:06:53,829
"To my sweetheart,

122
00:06:54,998 --> 00:06:57,625
"I love you completely,
with all my soul.

123
00:06:57,709 --> 00:07:00,628
"Without you I'm nothing,
a butterless roll."

124
00:07:00,712 --> 00:07:02,129
(BOTH CHUCKLING)

125
00:07:02,214 --> 00:07:03,506
That's good.

126
00:07:03,590 --> 00:07:04,924
You like that, gentlemen?

127
00:07:06,176 --> 00:07:09,220
Hallmark said
it showed some potential,
which is pretty cool.

128
00:07:09,304 --> 00:07:10,346
Longfellow Deeds?

129
00:07:10,430 --> 00:07:11,514
Just call me Deeds, pal.

130
00:07:11,598 --> 00:07:13,349
Easy with that
Longfellow stuff.

131
00:07:13,850 --> 00:07:15,142
Chuck Cedar, CEO.

132
00:07:15,227 --> 00:07:18,229
Cecil Anderson,
General Counsel
of Blake Media.

133
00:07:18,313 --> 00:07:19,939
Hey, handshakes
are for strangers.

134
00:07:20,023 --> 00:07:21,148
We hug around
here, buddy.

135
00:07:21,233 --> 00:07:23,192
What's up? What's up?
Welcome to town.

136
00:07:24,611 --> 00:07:26,529
Come on, don't be shy.

137
00:07:27,322 --> 00:07:30,908
I like that beard.
Abe Lincoln-style.
Have a seat, boys.

138
00:07:30,992 --> 00:07:32,159
Murph!
Yeah, Deeds?

139
00:07:32,244 --> 00:07:33,702
I thought you were
sick today.

140
00:07:33,787 --> 00:07:35,204
No. That was
a lie, pal.

141
00:07:35,288 --> 00:07:36,372
Well, you fooled me.

142
00:07:36,665 --> 00:07:38,124
I did?
Oh, yeah.

143
00:07:38,208 --> 00:07:40,126
Mr. Deeds?
Just Deeds.

144
00:07:40,210 --> 00:07:41,502
You sounded so sick
on the phone.

145
00:07:41,586 --> 00:07:43,546
You're good.
Do that sick voice again.

146
00:07:44,256 --> 00:07:46,423
(SICKLY) Deeds, I can't
come to work today.

147
00:07:46,508 --> 00:07:48,300
I think
I got strep throat.

148
00:07:48,385 --> 00:07:50,261
(COUGHING VIOLENTLY)

149
00:07:51,805 --> 00:07:53,180
That's unbelievable.

150
00:07:53,265 --> 00:07:55,057
You could be
a radio actor
or something.

151
00:07:55,267 --> 00:07:57,268
(LAUGHS) Thanks, buddy.
Sure.

152
00:07:57,352 --> 00:07:59,061
Hey, Deeds.
Read a card already.

153
00:07:59,146 --> 00:08:00,771
I got to get back on duty.

154
00:08:00,856 --> 00:08:01,897
(ALL AGREEING)

155
00:08:01,982 --> 00:08:04,358
Okay. I'd better
get up there. Good
meeting you, gentlemen.

156
00:08:04,442 --> 00:08:07,862
Mr. Deeds,
does the name Preston Blake
mean anything to you?

157
00:08:07,946 --> 00:08:09,864
Well, Mom's maiden
name was Blake.

158
00:08:10,240 --> 00:08:11,490
I only got one for
you guys this week,

159
00:08:11,575 --> 00:08:12,783
but I got a feeling
it's gonna end

160
00:08:12,868 --> 00:08:14,160
my losing streak
with Hallmark.

161
00:08:16,204 --> 00:08:19,081
Deeds, Preston Blake
was your mother's uncle.

162
00:08:19,166 --> 00:08:20,541
You're kidding me.
I got an uncle?

163
00:08:20,625 --> 00:08:21,917
That's awesome.
How's he doing?

164
00:08:22,085 --> 00:08:23,752
He's dead.

165
00:08:23,837 --> 00:08:26,338
Oh, no. Well, if there's
anything I can do...

166
00:08:26,423 --> 00:08:28,591
ALL: (CHANTING) Deeds!
Deeds! Deeds! Deeds!

167
00:08:28,675 --> 00:08:30,426
DEEDS: Okay. I'll be
right with you guys.

168
00:08:31,928 --> 00:08:34,513
When Mr. Blake died,
he left an enormous fortune.

169
00:08:34,598 --> 00:08:39,268
$40 billion. He left it
all to you, Deeds.

170
00:08:41,646 --> 00:08:43,230
Wait a minute.

171
00:08:44,399 --> 00:08:46,358
What are you talking about,
you got to get back on duty?

172
00:08:46,443 --> 00:08:47,526
You're not a cop.

173
00:08:48,111 --> 00:08:50,529
Yeah, you're right.
I got this down
at the costume shop.

174
00:08:50,780 --> 00:08:52,990
But it can't hurt
to pretend. (LAUGHS)

175
00:08:53,742 --> 00:08:54,992
What a wisenheimer!

176
00:08:55,493 --> 00:08:57,786
Okay, everybody,
it's show time.

177
00:08:57,871 --> 00:08:58,871
(ALL CHEERING)

178
00:08:59,372 --> 00:09:01,540
I call this
"50th Anniversary Card."

179
00:09:02,083 --> 00:09:03,792
Which is quite
a feat nowadays.

180
00:09:04,628 --> 00:09:08,380
"Fifty years have passed by
with laughter and tears.

181
00:09:09,174 --> 00:09:11,217
"Do you remember
when we went to the zoo,

182
00:09:11,301 --> 00:09:13,219
"and that time
we drank all the beers?"

183
00:09:13,470 --> 00:09:15,763
(LAUGHS) Yeah.
Beers! Oh, yeah.

184
00:09:16,973 --> 00:09:20,142
"I promise to love you
for 50 years more,

185
00:09:21,061 --> 00:09:24,355
"even when your bosoms
sag down to the floor."

186
00:09:24,648 --> 00:09:28,359
Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah.
That was awesome!
How's he do it?

187
00:09:28,443 --> 00:09:29,902
(SNIFFLING)

188
00:09:32,155 --> 00:09:35,616
It looks like you won't
have to be delivering
pizzas anymore, Deeds.

189
00:09:35,700 --> 00:09:37,368
Now you're
a very rich man.

190
00:09:37,452 --> 00:09:39,828
What's that got to do
with delivering pizzas?

191
00:09:40,038 --> 00:09:42,539
Ladies!
The top one's yours.

192
00:09:42,624 --> 00:09:44,458
Oh! Thank you, Deeds.
Of course.

193
00:09:44,542 --> 00:09:46,961
Yummy! Yummy!
So, Deeds,
what's new?

194
00:09:47,462 --> 00:09:50,130
I found out I have
an uncle, but he died.

195
00:09:50,215 --> 00:09:51,590
That's too bad.

196
00:09:51,883 --> 00:09:53,509
He gave me
$40 billion, though.

197
00:09:53,927 --> 00:09:56,262
Well, that's nice.
Oh, yeah!

198
00:09:56,346 --> 00:09:59,890
Don't you go and spend it all
on some fancy record player.

199
00:09:59,975 --> 00:10:00,933
I won't.

200
00:10:01,017 --> 00:10:02,977
Who are your friends, Deeds?

201
00:10:03,061 --> 00:10:05,771
I'm sorry.
Chuck, Cecil,

202
00:10:05,855 --> 00:10:07,690
this is Jane,
Kitty, and Sue.

203
00:10:07,774 --> 00:10:09,692
Pleasure to
meet you, Cecil.

204
00:10:09,985 --> 00:10:12,069
Pleasure's
all mine, Kitty.

205
00:10:12,153 --> 00:10:14,738
Or should I just
say, "Meow"?

206
00:10:15,282 --> 00:10:16,782
(ALL GIGGLING)

207
00:10:16,866 --> 00:10:19,201
Keep it in your
pants, Anderson.

208
00:10:20,537 --> 00:10:22,705
Now, why am I
inheriting this money?

209
00:10:22,789 --> 00:10:24,832
You're Mr. Blake's
closest living relative.

210
00:10:24,916 --> 00:10:26,375
Really? He had
nobody else?

211
00:10:26,459 --> 00:10:27,668
Nope, that's it.

212
00:10:27,752 --> 00:10:30,212
(MAN GRUNTING)
Gosh, I never even
met the guy.

213
00:10:32,882 --> 00:10:35,134
Would you hold this
for a second?

214
00:10:35,969 --> 00:10:38,345
Mr. Wetherley,
how you doing, pal?

215
00:10:38,430 --> 00:10:41,473
Very well, Deeds.
Just going to the pharmacy.

216
00:10:41,558 --> 00:10:44,476
Oh! Well, let me get you
there a little quicker.

217
00:10:44,561 --> 00:10:46,061
(BOTH GRUNTING)

218
00:10:47,063 --> 00:10:49,315
How's your wife?
She's fine.

219
00:10:49,399 --> 00:10:51,525
Terrific.
Say hi for me.
I will.

220
00:10:51,609 --> 00:10:53,277
Okay. Here you go.

221
00:10:54,529 --> 00:10:56,447
Thanks for the lift, Deeds.

222
00:10:56,531 --> 00:10:57,573
Oh. You got it.

223
00:10:58,867 --> 00:11:00,117
(GRUNTING)

224
00:11:00,201 --> 00:11:03,037
Deeds, we need you to come
back to New York with us.

225
00:11:03,121 --> 00:11:04,204
Just for a few days.

226
00:11:04,289 --> 00:11:06,498
We're drawing up some papers
that you'll need to sign.

227
00:11:06,791 --> 00:11:08,208
What kind of papers?

228
00:11:08,293 --> 00:11:12,504
You see, technically,
you've inherited 300 million
shares of Blake Media, Inc.

229
00:11:12,589 --> 00:11:14,798
Chuck and I,
along with some
of the partners,

230
00:11:14,883 --> 00:11:18,010
are gonna buy that
stock for $40 billion,

231
00:11:18,094 --> 00:11:19,636
which, of course,
we've had to borrow
from various...

232
00:11:19,721 --> 00:11:21,847
Who cares about
all the financial
mumbo jumbo?

233
00:11:21,931 --> 00:11:24,975
We just need a little bit
of time to dot the t's
and cross the i's.

234
00:11:25,060 --> 00:11:26,185
And while we're doing that,

235
00:11:26,269 --> 00:11:28,228
we need you to stay
away from the press.

236
00:11:28,313 --> 00:11:30,564
All the media frenzy will
die down in a couple weeks,

237
00:11:30,648 --> 00:11:31,940
but until then...

238
00:11:32,025 --> 00:11:33,359
Oh! You don't want
reporters crawling

239
00:11:33,443 --> 00:11:35,444
all over this lovely
little town, do you?

240
00:11:35,862 --> 00:11:36,862
Oh, no!

241
00:11:39,908 --> 00:11:41,033
Crazy Eyes!

242
00:11:41,117 --> 00:11:42,159
Huh? What?

243
00:11:44,329 --> 00:11:46,288
Hey, Deeds.
How you doing, pal?

244
00:11:46,373 --> 00:11:48,791
I got your pizza for you,
just the way you like it.

245
00:11:48,875 --> 00:11:50,125
Oh, yes!

246
00:11:51,002 --> 00:11:54,088
French fries and Oreos.
You know me all too well,
Deeds.

247
00:11:54,381 --> 00:11:55,631
What are you in for?

248
00:11:55,715 --> 00:11:58,384
I'm doing a one-nighter
for biting Ed the mailman.

249
00:11:58,468 --> 00:12:00,260
The guy was trying
to cast a spell on me,

250
00:12:00,345 --> 00:12:02,346
you know, like
a wizard or something.

251
00:12:03,139 --> 00:12:04,431
Are you sure
about that?

252
00:12:04,849 --> 00:12:06,975
I don't know.
Maybe he was just waving.

253
00:12:08,478 --> 00:12:09,561
Hey, who are your friends?

254
00:12:09,646 --> 00:12:11,814
This is Chuck and Cecil,
they're from New York.

255
00:12:13,525 --> 00:12:14,650
I don't like them.

256
00:12:15,568 --> 00:12:17,236
Okay. Nice seeing you.

257
00:12:18,321 --> 00:12:19,780
I've never been
to New York before.

258
00:12:19,864 --> 00:12:21,824
I suppose I could
check out the sights.

259
00:12:22,158 --> 00:12:23,575
Give me an hour
to pack, okay?

260
00:12:23,660 --> 00:12:24,743
You got it.

261
00:12:24,828 --> 00:12:26,703
Wow. I'm gonna be
the first guy to leave here

262
00:12:26,788 --> 00:12:28,914
since Jimmy McNally
went to Disney World.

263
00:12:28,998 --> 00:12:30,332
(BAND PLAYING)

264
00:12:31,167 --> 00:12:32,584
See you later,
everybody!

265
00:12:32,669 --> 00:12:34,211
All right, Miss Kitty.
Bye, bye.

266
00:12:36,131 --> 00:12:37,423
Tomorrow is
Kids-Eat-For-Free Day,

267
00:12:37,507 --> 00:12:39,383
so don't forget to clean
the highchairs, all right?

268
00:12:39,467 --> 00:12:42,010
Don't worry about
a thing, Deedsy,
I'll take care of everything.

269
00:12:42,137 --> 00:12:44,304
You go. You have
a good time!
I'll miss you.

270
00:12:44,389 --> 00:12:46,223
Bye, Jan. Smell you
later, Murph.

271
00:12:46,433 --> 00:12:47,850
MURPH: Hey, Deeds.

272
00:12:48,351 --> 00:12:49,435
Give us a card!

273
00:12:49,519 --> 00:12:50,519
Yeah!

274
00:12:52,647 --> 00:12:56,191
"On my way to the big city
for a business trip,

275
00:12:56,901 --> 00:13:01,155
"never ever left
Mandrake Falls before,
ain't that a pip?

276
00:13:01,364 --> 00:13:03,365
(ALL LAUGHING)

277
00:13:03,950 --> 00:13:07,703
"But while I'm gone,
I know I'll miss you
all a lot.

278
00:13:08,079 --> 00:13:11,999
"So bring your
rich butt back here,
and buy us all a shot!"

279
00:13:13,251 --> 00:13:14,793
(LAUGHS) You got it, pal.

280
00:13:18,631 --> 00:13:19,673
(SQUAWKING)

281
00:13:19,757 --> 00:13:21,175
Take it easy.

282
00:13:29,934 --> 00:13:33,729
The biggest story
of the year,
and we've got nothing?

283
00:13:34,522 --> 00:13:36,648
Do you people want
to be tabloid journalists?

284
00:13:36,733 --> 00:13:38,192
Because I don't think so.

285
00:13:38,526 --> 00:13:40,152
You've got to be ruthless.

286
00:13:40,236 --> 00:13:41,570
When I started out,

287
00:13:41,654 --> 00:13:43,822
I slept in Tom and Roseanne's
dumpster for two days

288
00:13:43,907 --> 00:13:46,200
disguised as a giant
carton of ice cream.

289
00:13:46,284 --> 00:13:47,326
I got it!

290
00:13:47,869 --> 00:13:50,537
My source at Blake says
the company helicopter

291
00:13:50,622 --> 00:13:53,749
took off from there
this afternoon with
two male passengers aboard

292
00:13:53,833 --> 00:13:55,792
headed for
Mandrake Falls.
Where?

293
00:13:55,877 --> 00:13:57,961
It's some little
hick-ass town
in New Hampshire.

294
00:13:58,046 --> 00:14:00,380
But now they're on
their way back

295
00:14:00,465 --> 00:14:02,341
with three male passengers.

296
00:14:02,634 --> 00:14:04,801
That's one more!
Duh!

297
00:14:05,720 --> 00:14:08,847
That third guy's our heir.
Nice work, Marty.

298
00:14:08,932 --> 00:14:11,225
They were supposed to arrive
at Blake Media at 5:00.

299
00:14:11,309 --> 00:14:13,560
But they made
an unscheduled stop
in Connecticut.

300
00:14:14,103 --> 00:14:16,230
DEEDS: I'm so happy I got
the Big Bacon Classic.

301
00:14:16,856 --> 00:14:18,815
Thanks for stopping, buddy.
These are unbelievable.

302
00:14:18,900 --> 00:14:20,025
PILOT: Happy to do it, Deeds.

303
00:14:20,109 --> 00:14:21,610
How's that Frosty
treating you, Cecil?

304
00:14:21,694 --> 00:14:22,903
Mmm-hmm. Mmm.

305
00:14:22,987 --> 00:14:24,738
You got some
on your beard.
Hmm?

306
00:14:24,822 --> 00:14:27,866
I'm just kidding you.
I got him big time, man.

307
00:14:28,785 --> 00:14:31,161
I'm going on the air
in two hours' time.

308
00:14:31,246 --> 00:14:34,873
And I want that guy's
life story by then.
I'm talking to you, Jim.

309
00:14:35,625 --> 00:14:37,918
And I'm also talking
to you, Babe. Babe?

310
00:14:39,003 --> 00:14:40,337
Where the hell's Babe?

311
00:14:40,630 --> 00:14:43,298
You missed another
staff meeting.
Mac's pissed.

312
00:14:43,383 --> 00:14:44,925
Well, he's not
gonna be pissed

313
00:14:45,009 --> 00:14:46,843
when I crack
this Blake story.

314
00:14:46,928 --> 00:14:47,970
What do you got?

315
00:14:48,054 --> 00:14:50,138
Nothing. Do you
have anything?

316
00:14:50,473 --> 00:14:52,182
I'll have a lot more
in a few hours.

317
00:14:52,267 --> 00:14:53,934
Marty, you got to be a pal.

318
00:14:54,018 --> 00:14:56,228
I need this story.
I'm flat broke,

319
00:14:56,312 --> 00:14:57,729
and Mac is going
to fire me.

320
00:14:57,814 --> 00:14:58,897
How're you flat broke?

321
00:14:58,982 --> 00:15:00,399
You make more money
than anyone here.

322
00:15:00,483 --> 00:15:01,525
What did you blow it on?

323
00:15:01,818 --> 00:15:02,901
Shoes.

324
00:15:03,319 --> 00:15:05,779
I'll tell you everything
I know over lunch tomorrow

325
00:15:05,863 --> 00:15:07,656
as long as your club
promoter boyfriend

326
00:15:07,740 --> 00:15:10,200
doesn't try to run me over
with his motorcycle again.

327
00:15:10,535 --> 00:15:11,785
You're safe there.

328
00:15:11,995 --> 00:15:14,413
Ken and I kind of,
you know...
We're taking a break.

329
00:15:14,497 --> 00:15:16,164
Really? So he moved out?

330
00:15:17,667 --> 00:15:20,502
Babe, what are you
staying here for?
I have a spare bedroom.

331
00:15:20,753 --> 00:15:22,796
We tried that once,
remember?

332
00:15:23,006 --> 00:15:27,134
I woke up and you were
standing over my bed,
breathing heavily.

333
00:15:27,218 --> 00:15:30,220
I was having an asthma attack.
I couldn't find my puffer.

334
00:15:33,349 --> 00:15:34,975
Whoa! Easy, fellows.

335
00:15:35,184 --> 00:15:37,811
The Biggie Fries
are making a comeback.

336
00:15:38,438 --> 00:15:40,188
You guys football fans?

337
00:15:40,273 --> 00:15:42,065
I think the Pats could take
the conference this year.

338
00:15:42,150 --> 00:15:43,609
I mean, the Dolphins
are overrated,

339
00:15:43,693 --> 00:15:45,277
and the Jets
are choke artists.

340
00:15:45,445 --> 00:15:47,070
Oh, I wouldn't say that,
Mr. Deeds.

341
00:15:47,488 --> 00:15:49,281
Just Deeds.
Why is that, though?

342
00:15:49,365 --> 00:15:50,824
You own the Jets, Deeds.

343
00:15:50,908 --> 00:15:52,075
I do?

344
00:15:52,952 --> 00:15:55,537
Whoa, that sucks.

345
00:15:56,748 --> 00:15:58,790
Jeez, I hope they don't play
the Pats in the playoffs,

346
00:15:58,875 --> 00:16:00,125
or I'll have to kill myself.

347
00:16:00,543 --> 00:16:01,543
(LAUGHS)

348
00:16:02,920 --> 00:16:05,380
I'm still very worried
about this.

349
00:16:05,965 --> 00:16:09,718
What do you got in that pipe,
hashish? You're paranoid.

350
00:16:09,802 --> 00:16:11,178
This guy's perfect for us.

351
00:16:11,262 --> 00:16:13,180
What if he won't
sell us his shares?

352
00:16:13,264 --> 00:16:15,140
If I got Preston Blake to
trust me with his company,

353
00:16:15,224 --> 00:16:16,558
I can get this moron
to do the same.

354
00:16:16,893 --> 00:16:18,393
I mean, look at him.

355
00:16:19,979 --> 00:16:21,563
(SINGING SPACE ODDITY)

356
00:16:26,694 --> 00:16:28,487
(SINGING ALONG)

357
00:16:39,207 --> 00:16:40,749
(SINGING)

358
00:16:44,087 --> 00:16:45,420
That's right, Anderson.

359
00:16:49,634 --> 00:16:51,218
(CONTINUES SINGING
SPACE ODDITY)

360
00:16:57,725 --> 00:16:59,309
(MIMICS GUITAR PLAYING)

361
00:17:00,228 --> 00:17:01,269
Enough!

362
00:17:01,521 --> 00:17:02,771
Hmm.

363
00:17:02,939 --> 00:17:04,106
Party pooper.

364
00:17:08,778 --> 00:17:10,237
Holy cow!

365
00:17:10,571 --> 00:17:12,155
What's up, New York?

366
00:17:12,949 --> 00:17:16,952
It's an honor to come
to the greatest city
in the world!

367
00:17:17,453 --> 00:17:18,745
(LAUGHS)

368
00:17:24,293 --> 00:17:25,961
Congratulations, Deeds,

369
00:17:26,045 --> 00:17:29,464
you're now the most eligible
bachelor in New York.

370
00:17:29,549 --> 00:17:32,384
Well, jeez, I don't
want to meet a girl just
because I'm wicked rich.

371
00:17:32,468 --> 00:17:34,720
Well, that's nice,
but let's see how you
stick to your guns

372
00:17:34,804 --> 00:17:35,971
once you've paid a visit

373
00:17:36,055 --> 00:17:38,557
to one of our many
fine gentlemen's clubs.

374
00:17:38,641 --> 00:17:40,058
(CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY) What?

375
00:17:40,143 --> 00:17:41,768
My father saved my mother.

376
00:17:41,853 --> 00:17:44,479
She was figure skating
and fell through the ice.

377
00:17:44,772 --> 00:17:46,898
I always thought
I'd meet a girl,
kind of, the same way.

378
00:17:46,983 --> 00:17:48,442
Some bullspit like that.

379
00:17:48,526 --> 00:17:50,235
Well, then I'll just
keep a lookout

380
00:17:50,319 --> 00:17:52,654
for ladies in distress,
as it were.

381
00:17:52,739 --> 00:17:54,656
That'd be nice.
Hey, Mandrake Falls!

382
00:17:55,825 --> 00:17:57,492
Security, stop that guy!

383
00:17:58,035 --> 00:17:59,828
(PHOTOGRAPHER SCREAMS)
Stop! Come back here!

384
00:17:59,912 --> 00:18:01,413
CHUCK: He's gonna get
100 grand for that picture.

385
00:18:01,497 --> 00:18:03,039
It'll be all over
the news in an hour.

386
00:18:03,124 --> 00:18:05,792
Well, he deserves it
with those James Bond
moves he just pulled.

387
00:18:05,877 --> 00:18:07,711
No, he deserves
to get his throat cut,

388
00:18:07,795 --> 00:18:10,088
the filthy spy.
Come on, let's go.

389
00:18:10,506 --> 00:18:12,215
(WHIMPERING)

390
00:18:14,218 --> 00:18:15,218
(GASPS)

391
00:18:17,680 --> 00:18:19,556
So this is where
my uncle lived?

392
00:18:19,640 --> 00:18:23,185
Yes, sir.
For the last 35 years
of his astonishing life.

393
00:18:23,478 --> 00:18:25,145
Boy, you kind of
snuck up on me there.

394
00:18:25,229 --> 00:18:26,938
I am very, very sneaky, sir.

395
00:18:27,482 --> 00:18:29,816
I see that.
My name's Deeds.

396
00:18:29,901 --> 00:18:32,569
I am Emilio, sir.
I am your servant.

397
00:18:32,653 --> 00:18:34,571
Servant? I don't
want a servant,

398
00:18:34,655 --> 00:18:36,239
but if you want to be
my friend, I'll take that.

399
00:18:37,784 --> 00:18:38,909
Friends.

400
00:18:39,494 --> 00:18:41,369
Yes, good friends.

401
00:18:42,538 --> 00:18:44,623
Would you like to go down
to your apartment, sir?

402
00:18:44,707 --> 00:18:46,792
I'm sure it's been
an exhausting day.

403
00:18:47,376 --> 00:18:49,461
That okay with
you, Chuck?
You'll be safe there.

404
00:18:49,545 --> 00:18:51,296
It'll take us
a couple days
to get the papers

405
00:18:51,380 --> 00:18:52,923
drawn up for you to sign.

406
00:18:53,007 --> 00:18:54,049
Go make yourself at home.

407
00:18:54,133 --> 00:18:55,133
Terrific.

408
00:18:55,218 --> 00:18:57,469
Later.
I will be with you
shortly, sir.

409
00:18:57,553 --> 00:18:58,637
You got it.

410
00:18:58,721 --> 00:19:00,889
Hey, nice to meet you.
I'm Deeds.

411
00:19:01,390 --> 00:19:02,390
I'm Reuben, sir.

412
00:19:02,475 --> 00:19:04,142
This is a wicked
nice elevator.

413
00:19:04,227 --> 00:19:07,479
Keep an eye on him,
Emilio. Or it's your ass.

414
00:19:07,563 --> 00:19:09,064
It's nice
to see you,
too, sir.

415
00:19:09,398 --> 00:19:11,983
So how's
the elevator business
treating you, Reuben?

416
00:19:12,068 --> 00:19:13,985
It has its ups and downs.

417
00:19:14,403 --> 00:19:18,198
(LAUGHING)
All right! All right!
That was good.

418
00:19:19,867 --> 00:19:22,160
Jeezum crow,
how'd you get
down here so fast?

419
00:19:22,245 --> 00:19:24,955
Sneaky-sneaky, sir.
Right this way.

420
00:19:28,918 --> 00:19:29,876
Wow.

421
00:19:29,961 --> 00:19:31,002
(ECHOING)

422
00:19:33,130 --> 00:19:34,464
Wow.

423
00:19:36,259 --> 00:19:37,926
Is something
the matter, sir?

424
00:19:38,052 --> 00:19:39,344
(BUZZING)
(ECHOING)

425
00:19:40,596 --> 00:19:41,805
That's an echo, sir.

426
00:19:41,889 --> 00:19:43,056
Yeah, you try it.

427
00:19:43,558 --> 00:19:45,600
Me, sir?
It's a lot of fun.

428
00:19:48,020 --> 00:19:49,020
Whoo.
(ECHOING)

429
00:19:50,690 --> 00:19:52,440
Come on, you can
do it louder than that.

430
00:19:55,778 --> 00:19:57,696
Whoo!
(ECHOING)

431
00:19:59,991 --> 00:20:01,032
(LAUGHS)

432
00:20:01,117 --> 00:20:02,909
Serious.
Thank you, sir.

433
00:20:03,244 --> 00:20:05,662
Hey, buddy, how you doing?
You want to give it a shot?

434
00:20:06,330 --> 00:20:07,330
(SHOUTS)

435
00:20:08,499 --> 00:20:09,541
Nice.

436
00:20:11,878 --> 00:20:14,296
DEEDS: You guys want to
join us? Make a weird noise.

437
00:20:14,797 --> 00:20:16,590
(ALL SHOUTING)
(ALL ECHOING)

438
00:20:23,389 --> 00:20:24,848
That was a great time.

439
00:20:24,932 --> 00:20:27,100
Well, I'm kind of tired.
I'd like to go to sleep
if I could.

440
00:20:27,184 --> 00:20:29,060
This way, Mr. Deeds.
Thank you very much.

441
00:20:29,145 --> 00:20:31,104
Good night, everyone.
ALL: Good night, Mr. Deeds.

442
00:20:38,905 --> 00:20:40,906
Yeah? (CLEARS THROAT)
You just going to lie there

443
00:20:40,990 --> 00:20:42,365
and let the Post
take your story?

444
00:20:57,089 --> 00:20:58,798
What's up, New York?

445
00:21:09,852 --> 00:21:12,896
He had a water fountain
in his room. I love it.

446
00:21:21,197 --> 00:21:22,864
That's Hawaiian Punch.

447
00:21:23,658 --> 00:21:26,493
He adored Hawaiian Punch.

448
00:21:26,577 --> 00:21:30,830
Wow! You kind of just
snuck up on me there, man.

449
00:21:31,207 --> 00:21:34,501
I fear you're underestimating
the sneakiness, sir.

450
00:21:34,585 --> 00:21:36,169
Yeah. I guess I was.

451
00:21:36,253 --> 00:21:37,462
What are you doing
down there?

452
00:21:37,546 --> 00:21:40,131
I am assisting you
with your sock change.

453
00:21:40,383 --> 00:21:41,633
You're gonna change
my socks for me?

454
00:21:41,717 --> 00:21:43,510
You don't got to do that.
Come on, stand up.

455
00:21:43,594 --> 00:21:44,594
Thank you, sir.

456
00:21:44,679 --> 00:21:46,846
Besides, you don't
want to have to
touch my right foot.

457
00:21:46,931 --> 00:21:51,059
I got wicked bad frostbite
when I was in the Scouts.
Check it out.

458
00:21:54,897 --> 00:21:55,897
(INHALES SHARPLY)

459
00:21:56,440 --> 00:21:57,983
Pretty messed up, huh?

460
00:21:58,067 --> 00:22:02,404
The hideousness of that foot
will haunt my dreams forever.

461
00:22:03,197 --> 00:22:04,864
Yeah, I've heard that before.

462
00:22:05,157 --> 00:22:08,034
But the weird thing is
I got no feeling left in it.

463
00:22:08,119 --> 00:22:11,121
So you could,
like, jump on it and
it wouldn't hurt me.

464
00:22:11,205 --> 00:22:12,205
Go ahead, jump on it.

465
00:22:12,873 --> 00:22:14,582
I would really
rather not, sir.

466
00:22:14,667 --> 00:22:16,418
Please. Please
jump on my foot.

467
00:22:23,718 --> 00:22:24,718
(YELLS)

468
00:22:26,595 --> 00:22:27,887
Yeah. I didn't feel that.

469
00:22:27,972 --> 00:22:29,264
What else you got?

470
00:22:29,348 --> 00:22:30,890
Hey, get that fireplace
poker right there

471
00:22:30,975 --> 00:22:32,350
and just whack my foot.

472
00:22:32,435 --> 00:22:33,852
Do I absolutely have to?

473
00:22:33,936 --> 00:22:36,062
It's gonna be fun.
Just grab it.

474
00:22:37,732 --> 00:22:40,608
All my friends do this
when they're wasted.
(LAUGHS)

475
00:22:41,027 --> 00:22:42,152
Come on.

476
00:22:43,279 --> 00:22:44,738
Go ahead,
give it a whack.

477
00:22:48,451 --> 00:22:49,701
Nothing.
Really?

478
00:22:49,785 --> 00:22:51,077
Isn't that sick?

479
00:22:52,621 --> 00:22:54,205
Didn't feel that.
Isn't that awesome?

480
00:22:54,290 --> 00:22:56,041
Go ahead. Nothing.

481
00:22:56,125 --> 00:22:57,459
Yeah. I know.

482
00:22:57,543 --> 00:22:59,335
I know you're starting
to like it, aren't you?

483
00:22:59,420 --> 00:23:00,545
Chop that wood!

484
00:23:00,629 --> 00:23:02,172
Yeah. That's it!

485
00:23:02,256 --> 00:23:03,757
(BOTH SCREAMING)

486
00:23:03,841 --> 00:23:07,260
You're sick! You're sick!
Why would you do that to me?

487
00:23:07,344 --> 00:23:08,595
I'm just kidding you,
pal. (LAUGHS)

488
00:23:09,180 --> 00:23:10,513
(CHUCKLES IN RELIEF)

489
00:23:10,598 --> 00:23:12,724
You had me going there.

490
00:23:12,808 --> 00:23:14,642
I saw your face,
you were like...

491
00:23:15,978 --> 00:23:18,146
Anyway, I gotta talk
to Cedar and Anderson,

492
00:23:18,230 --> 00:23:19,606
find out what
I'm supposed to
be doing today.

493
00:23:19,690 --> 00:23:20,982
So could you take that
out of my foot?

494
00:23:21,067 --> 00:23:22,150
I'm nailed
to the ground here.

495
00:23:22,568 --> 00:23:23,568
(GRUNTING)

496
00:23:23,903 --> 00:23:24,944
There you go.

497
00:23:25,446 --> 00:23:28,740
I must insist
on absolute secrecy
regarding this discussion

498
00:23:28,824 --> 00:23:31,284
till I've officially
acquired Mr. Blake's shares.

499
00:23:31,368 --> 00:23:33,453
If that's acceptable to you,
then as far as I'm concerned

500
00:23:33,537 --> 00:23:36,164
you've just bought
2,000 radio stations.

501
00:23:36,248 --> 00:23:37,749
(ALL CHATTERING)

502
00:23:37,833 --> 00:23:38,875
Morning.

503
00:23:40,461 --> 00:23:41,461
Deeds.

504
00:23:41,962 --> 00:23:43,088
What's up?

505
00:23:43,506 --> 00:23:44,964
Doing a little business.

506
00:23:45,508 --> 00:23:47,550
Whoo-hoo! (ECHOING)

507
00:23:48,260 --> 00:23:49,594
This room's
an echo room, too.

508
00:23:49,678 --> 00:23:51,054
I'm sure you guys
already knew that.

509
00:23:52,932 --> 00:23:53,932
May I help you?

510
00:23:54,016 --> 00:23:57,393
I just wanted to see
if there's anything
I should be doing today.

511
00:23:58,562 --> 00:24:00,438
Well, I think we've got
everything under control.

512
00:24:00,523 --> 00:24:01,940
Well, there's got
to be something.

513
00:24:02,024 --> 00:24:03,775
I mean, until I sign
those papers,

514
00:24:03,859 --> 00:24:05,860
I kind of own
this place, right?

515
00:24:05,986 --> 00:24:07,362
(LAUGHS)
What?

516
00:24:08,739 --> 00:24:10,532
(SPEAKING FRENCH)

517
00:24:12,326 --> 00:24:13,952
Anderson,
what's up, buddy?

518
00:24:14,036 --> 00:24:16,121
I was dreaming
about Frosties
all last night. You?

519
00:24:16,205 --> 00:24:17,413
I tried to make
my own at home,

520
00:24:17,498 --> 00:24:18,706
but it just
wasn't the same.

521
00:24:20,501 --> 00:24:21,501
CHUCK: Deeds.

522
00:24:21,585 --> 00:24:23,795
Every stockholder,
large and small,

523
00:24:23,879 --> 00:24:25,505
has a say in the operation
of this company.

524
00:24:25,589 --> 00:24:27,841
And they have this say
at the annual
stockholders' meeting.

525
00:24:27,925 --> 00:24:29,676
The other 364 days
of the year,

526
00:24:29,760 --> 00:24:32,345
the officers of the company,
like me, run the show.

527
00:24:32,638 --> 00:24:34,222
You mean now that
my uncle's gone.

528
00:24:34,682 --> 00:24:37,225
Yeah, and it's not
all fun and games.

529
00:24:37,309 --> 00:24:39,310
This company is a player
on so many levels

530
00:24:39,395 --> 00:24:40,562
and in so many areas

531
00:24:40,646 --> 00:24:43,898
that running it is literally
a 24-hour-a-day job.

532
00:24:44,525 --> 00:24:47,110
I mean, I only got three
hours of sleep last night.

533
00:24:47,444 --> 00:24:50,113
Then it's actually
a 21 -hour-a-day job, huh?

534
00:24:50,614 --> 00:24:53,575
Move it, lady.
I don't give a damn
about no meeting.

535
00:24:53,659 --> 00:24:55,577
Mr. Cedar,
I am sorry...
Hey!

536
00:24:55,661 --> 00:24:58,121
I passed for 3,500 yards
last season,

537
00:24:58,205 --> 00:24:59,873
and I ain't even gonna
touch a football

538
00:24:59,957 --> 00:25:02,000
until you get off
your fat, rich asses

539
00:25:02,084 --> 00:25:04,419
and renegotiate
my bullshit contract.

540
00:25:04,503 --> 00:25:06,504
Whoa, whoa, whoa. Easy
with the language, buddy.

541
00:25:06,589 --> 00:25:07,797
There are ladies present.

542
00:25:09,466 --> 00:25:11,843
Shut the hell up,
rich boy!

543
00:25:12,511 --> 00:25:16,014
I want more money,
or y'all can just suck my...

544
00:25:16,098 --> 00:25:17,640
(GROANS)

545
00:25:18,893 --> 00:25:19,893
Ooh!

546
00:25:20,686 --> 00:25:21,811
I warned you.

547
00:25:23,189 --> 00:25:24,772
You went down like
a sack of potatoes,

548
00:25:24,857 --> 00:25:26,983
I'll tell you
that much. Come on.

549
00:25:27,067 --> 00:25:28,735
(GROANING)

550
00:25:28,819 --> 00:25:31,321
Come on, big man.
Upsy-daisy.

551
00:25:31,405 --> 00:25:33,031
(SPEAKING FRENCH)

552
00:25:33,115 --> 00:25:34,365
Football! (LAUGHS)

553
00:25:35,159 --> 00:25:37,285
What's the problem
with your contract?

554
00:25:37,912 --> 00:25:39,913
You know, I figured
if I played well,

555
00:25:39,997 --> 00:25:41,789
I'd renegotiate
and get more money.

556
00:25:42,333 --> 00:25:43,333
If you didn't play well,

557
00:25:43,417 --> 00:25:45,543
could we renegotiate
and pay you less?

558
00:25:45,628 --> 00:25:46,920
Shit, no!

559
00:25:47,296 --> 00:25:49,047
I mean, no.

560
00:25:49,965 --> 00:25:51,799
Doesn't seem fair to me.
CHUCK: Deeds.

561
00:25:52,301 --> 00:25:54,093
Kevin led the League
in touchdown passes.

562
00:25:54,178 --> 00:25:55,637
That's okay, Chuck.
I got this one.

563
00:25:55,721 --> 00:25:56,721
(SIGHS)

564
00:25:56,889 --> 00:25:59,599
Listen, fellows,
I want more money,

565
00:25:59,683 --> 00:26:01,935
or I ain't even gonna
play another down.

566
00:26:05,272 --> 00:26:07,357
Well, we're gonna have
to let you go then.

567
00:26:08,108 --> 00:26:09,484
(SCOFFS) Let me go?

568
00:26:09,985 --> 00:26:11,277
Yeah, you're fired.

569
00:26:12,905 --> 00:26:14,405
So can I sign
with another team?

570
00:26:14,490 --> 00:26:15,740
You can do
anything you want,

571
00:26:15,824 --> 00:26:17,408
but I suggest you
change your attitude,

572
00:26:17,493 --> 00:26:18,868
or nobody's gonna
want to work with you.

573
00:26:21,288 --> 00:26:22,288
Bye.

574
00:26:23,832 --> 00:26:26,918
Deeds, Kevin won
the Heisman Trophy
two years ago.

575
00:26:27,002 --> 00:26:28,544
He is our best player.

576
00:26:28,629 --> 00:26:30,129
Don't worry about it,
he'll be back.

577
00:26:30,214 --> 00:26:32,173
Biggest mistake
of your lives!

578
00:26:33,217 --> 00:26:34,926
This thing's cool.
Hey.

579
00:26:35,010 --> 00:26:36,928
Why don't you get out
and enjoy the city?

580
00:26:37,012 --> 00:26:39,055
Everything's fine here.
Take that with you.

581
00:26:39,139 --> 00:26:40,598
No, I'll leave it here.
That's all right.

582
00:26:40,683 --> 00:26:42,433
But call me if you
need me, all right?

583
00:26:42,518 --> 00:26:45,270
Absolutely.
Thanks.
Love you, Anderson.

584
00:26:45,854 --> 00:26:48,356
Oh! All you guys,
I noticed you were French.

585
00:26:48,440 --> 00:26:50,108
The opposite
of bonjour to you.

586
00:26:50,567 --> 00:26:52,151
Whoo-hoo! (ECHOING)

587
00:26:53,362 --> 00:26:55,113
You look so hot
as a blond.

588
00:26:55,197 --> 00:26:56,406
You don't think
it's too streaky?

589
00:26:56,490 --> 00:26:58,116
I feel like he did it
really streaky.

590
00:26:58,200 --> 00:27:01,286
No, I love it, but you
should let me go undercover.
This could get dangerous.

591
00:27:01,370 --> 00:27:03,288
No. He said he likes
ladies in distress,

592
00:27:03,372 --> 00:27:05,039
not men who wear
too much cologne.

593
00:27:05,582 --> 00:27:06,624
BABE: Oh! There he is.

594
00:27:06,709 --> 00:27:07,959
DEEDS: Thanks for the
New York City tour, Tommy.

595
00:27:08,043 --> 00:27:09,210
TOMMY:
You're welcome, Deeds.

596
00:27:09,295 --> 00:27:11,421
Hidden cameras on,
ready to go. Molest me.

597
00:27:11,505 --> 00:27:12,505
(SIGHS)

598
00:27:12,589 --> 00:27:14,507
Marty, molest me!
You got it!

599
00:27:14,591 --> 00:27:16,634
Oh, God. Help!
Yeah. Come on.
Give it to me.

600
00:27:16,719 --> 00:27:18,970
Help, I'm being mugged!
All right! Come on!

601
00:27:19,054 --> 00:27:21,597
Help! Help!
I'm being mugged!

602
00:27:21,682 --> 00:27:22,765
Stop it!

603
00:27:22,850 --> 00:27:24,183
Good luck.
See you at the office.

604
00:27:24,518 --> 00:27:25,518
(GASPS)

605
00:27:26,145 --> 00:27:27,562
DEEDS: Don't worry,
I'll get him.

606
00:27:27,646 --> 00:27:28,646
Oh, shit!

607
00:27:28,731 --> 00:27:30,523
Stop! Stop
right there.

608
00:27:31,942 --> 00:27:32,942
(GASPING)

609
00:27:33,360 --> 00:27:34,360
(GROANS)

610
00:27:34,737 --> 00:27:35,737
Oh!

611
00:27:36,363 --> 00:27:37,613
Come on!

612
00:27:38,198 --> 00:27:39,198
Ah!

613
00:27:40,743 --> 00:27:41,743
Ow!

614
00:27:41,869 --> 00:27:43,494
What's your problem, pal?

615
00:27:50,753 --> 00:27:51,878
Come up here.

616
00:27:53,630 --> 00:27:56,549
Got your pocketbook.
Get a job, pal.

617
00:27:58,302 --> 00:28:00,428
(GROANING)
Miss! Miss!

618
00:28:00,512 --> 00:28:02,138
Are you okay?

619
00:28:02,222 --> 00:28:03,306
What happened?

620
00:28:03,390 --> 00:28:05,099
Let me help you up.

621
00:28:05,976 --> 00:28:07,977
All right, now.
All right.

622
00:28:08,062 --> 00:28:09,395
(PANTING)

623
00:28:13,859 --> 00:28:17,153
Ma'am, you were
just the victim of
a New York City mugger.

624
00:28:17,237 --> 00:28:19,697
As I suspected,
he was a coward
and a weakling.

625
00:28:19,782 --> 00:28:22,533
And also wore more cologne
than any man should wear.

626
00:28:22,618 --> 00:28:24,035
I got this back
for you, though.

627
00:28:24,370 --> 00:28:25,578
Thank you.

628
00:28:26,580 --> 00:28:28,373
Can I take you
to the hospital?

629
00:28:28,457 --> 00:28:29,540
No, no.

630
00:28:30,376 --> 00:28:34,796
I'll be all right.
I just feel a little
dizzy and violated.

631
00:28:35,672 --> 00:28:37,006
I'm fine.

632
00:28:37,341 --> 00:28:38,716
(GROANS)

633
00:28:38,801 --> 00:28:40,051
Whoa, whoa, whoa.

634
00:28:40,135 --> 00:28:42,387
Please, let me take you
to the emergency room.

635
00:28:42,471 --> 00:28:43,721
Huh? Oh.

636
00:28:43,806 --> 00:28:46,891
I'm sure I'll be all right.

637
00:28:46,975 --> 00:28:48,935
I just need to perhaps
walk it off or...

638
00:28:49,019 --> 00:28:50,728
Could you?
Sure. Sure.

639
00:28:50,813 --> 00:28:52,146
Thank you.

640
00:28:53,023 --> 00:28:54,690
Thank you so much.

641
00:28:55,609 --> 00:28:58,277
My name's Pam.
Pam Dawson.

642
00:28:58,904 --> 00:29:00,780
My name is Deeds.

643
00:29:00,864 --> 00:29:03,199
I'm not from here.
I'm just visiting.

644
00:29:04,660 --> 00:29:06,661
Where do you
hail from, Deeds?

645
00:29:06,745 --> 00:29:08,663
Mandrake Falls,
New Hampshire.

646
00:29:08,747 --> 00:29:11,290
Just a little town
nobody's ever heard of.

647
00:29:11,875 --> 00:29:14,585
I'm from a little
town like that.

648
00:29:14,670 --> 00:29:15,878
In lowa.

649
00:29:15,963 --> 00:29:17,588
Is that right?
What part?

650
00:29:19,007 --> 00:29:22,135
Winchestertonfieldville.

651
00:29:23,554 --> 00:29:27,682
Yes, the small town of
Winchestertonfieldville, lowa.

652
00:29:28,767 --> 00:29:30,101
(GROANING)

653
00:29:31,186 --> 00:29:32,186
(MOUTHING) I'm sorry.

654
00:29:32,896 --> 00:29:34,397
So what are you doing
in New York?

655
00:29:34,481 --> 00:29:36,107
I'm a school nurse.

656
00:29:36,191 --> 00:29:37,942
There's no way
you're a school nurse.

657
00:29:38,235 --> 00:29:40,278
Why don't you believe me?

658
00:29:40,737 --> 00:29:42,864
You're too nice to be
a school nurse.

659
00:29:43,365 --> 00:29:45,032
My school nurse
was so mean.

660
00:29:45,367 --> 00:29:47,118
Every time I would tell her
I had a tummy ache,

661
00:29:47,202 --> 00:29:50,079
she'd send me
back to my class and
say, "Stop whining."

662
00:29:50,164 --> 00:29:51,622
But that's awful!

663
00:29:51,707 --> 00:29:53,124
Well, I said it every day.

664
00:29:53,208 --> 00:29:54,876
(BOTH LAUGHING)

665
00:29:55,294 --> 00:29:56,711
I missed my mother.

666
00:29:57,212 --> 00:29:58,838
Oh! That's sweet.

667
00:30:00,132 --> 00:30:01,507
Miss Dawson?
Mmm-hmm.

668
00:30:02,217 --> 00:30:04,927
How would you like
to maybe go out

669
00:30:05,012 --> 00:30:07,555
and have a New York
City dinner with me?

670
00:30:08,098 --> 00:30:09,599
Golly. Well...

671
00:30:10,809 --> 00:30:12,393
That sounds wonderful.

672
00:30:12,728 --> 00:30:14,187
It does?
Yeah.

673
00:30:14,730 --> 00:30:15,938
Let's do it, then.

674
00:30:16,023 --> 00:30:17,064
Okay.

675
00:30:18,442 --> 00:30:20,401
Damn you, Old Spice.

676
00:30:20,486 --> 00:30:21,819
(COUGHING)

677
00:30:23,614 --> 00:30:27,408
So you run this pizza place
and you have your poetry.

678
00:30:28,076 --> 00:30:30,203
So what brings you
to the big city?

679
00:30:30,496 --> 00:30:33,206
Actually, I just
inherited $40 billion.

680
00:30:34,249 --> 00:30:35,249
Well, that's nice,

681
00:30:35,417 --> 00:30:38,419
but I think anything over
$30 billion's just gravy.

682
00:30:38,754 --> 00:30:40,755
(BOTH LAUGHING)

683
00:30:41,465 --> 00:30:42,715
I like that.

684
00:30:43,800 --> 00:30:46,677
Your hair is very
blond and pretty.

685
00:30:46,762 --> 00:30:50,097
(STAMMERING)
I'm of Swedish ancestry.

686
00:30:50,849 --> 00:30:51,849
Really?

687
00:30:51,934 --> 00:30:52,934
Yes.

688
00:30:53,310 --> 00:30:56,270
My grandfather was in ABBA.

689
00:30:57,606 --> 00:30:59,106
ABBA, the band?

690
00:30:59,274 --> 00:31:00,483
(STAMMERING) Excuse me,

691
00:31:01,151 --> 00:31:03,569
do you get any
famous people in here?

692
00:31:03,654 --> 00:31:05,196
Famous, rich, powerful.

693
00:31:05,280 --> 00:31:08,115
Really? We don't get
any famous people
in Mandrake Falls.

694
00:31:08,200 --> 00:31:09,325
Actually, Stephen King

695
00:31:09,409 --> 00:31:10,701
stopped by our
gas station one time,

696
00:31:10,786 --> 00:31:12,620
but everybody was too
scared to talk to him.

697
00:31:13,080 --> 00:31:14,789
I'd imagine he'd
be very spooky.

698
00:31:15,123 --> 00:31:16,749
Jake, the gas
station attendant,

699
00:31:16,833 --> 00:31:18,084
made eye contact with him.

700
00:31:18,627 --> 00:31:20,795
That night
he lost 200 pounds.

701
00:31:22,923 --> 00:31:23,923
Wow.

702
00:31:24,716 --> 00:31:26,968
Anyway, your chicken parmesan
should be ready soon.

703
00:31:27,052 --> 00:31:28,886
Okay, buddy. Hey,
you know what?

704
00:31:28,971 --> 00:31:31,305
I saw a couple over there.
It's their anniversary.

705
00:31:31,848 --> 00:31:34,725
Give them this.
Don't say it's from us,
though.

706
00:31:35,519 --> 00:31:36,894
This is, like, $20,000.

707
00:31:36,979 --> 00:31:39,272
Tell them it was like
a restaurant giveaway,
or something like that.

708
00:31:39,481 --> 00:31:40,898
Thanks, buddy.

709
00:31:42,025 --> 00:31:45,111
That's an awfully nice way
to start spending your money.

710
00:31:45,195 --> 00:31:47,530
Is that who
I think it is?
Who?

711
00:31:48,073 --> 00:31:50,950
Preston Blake's nephew,
the $40 billion man.

712
00:31:51,910 --> 00:31:53,869
We have to meet him. Dave?

713
00:31:54,162 --> 00:31:57,164
Gosh, I hope that
mugger got home okay.

714
00:31:57,499 --> 00:31:58,874
Mr. Deeds.
Yeah.

715
00:31:58,959 --> 00:32:02,420
Mr. Simonds would
like to invite you
to join his party.

716
00:32:02,504 --> 00:32:04,088
Why is that?

717
00:32:04,172 --> 00:32:06,257
Just to enjoy the pleasure
of your company.

718
00:32:06,341 --> 00:32:08,384
Wow, that's pretty
cool of him.

719
00:32:08,510 --> 00:32:10,636
(DANCE MUSIC PLAYING)

720
00:32:12,764 --> 00:32:14,849
Well, that was
a very nice hug, Deeds.

721
00:32:14,933 --> 00:32:17,184
It's wicked nice
of you guys to
invite us over here.

722
00:32:17,269 --> 00:32:18,269
This is awesome.

723
00:32:18,353 --> 00:32:19,395
Have we met?

724
00:32:19,730 --> 00:32:21,355
Not unless you have
a sick kid.

725
00:32:22,024 --> 00:32:25,359
You're a very important man
in this town now, Mr. Deeds.

726
00:32:25,444 --> 00:32:26,611
I don't know about that.

727
00:32:26,695 --> 00:32:28,654
I sing at the
Metropolitan Opera,

728
00:32:28,739 --> 00:32:32,450
and Blake Media
contributes 50%
of our budget.

729
00:32:32,534 --> 00:32:34,452
So, on behalf
of the opera...

730
00:32:34,536 --> 00:32:40,082
♪ Thank you ♪

731
00:32:41,877 --> 00:32:43,294
That was awesome!

732
00:32:43,378 --> 00:32:44,670
You shouldn't be
thanking me, though.

733
00:32:44,755 --> 00:32:46,547
You should be thanking
my great-uncle.

734
00:32:46,715 --> 00:32:48,257
He was a pretty
interesting man.

735
00:32:48,342 --> 00:32:50,176
I served on the board
of the Guggenheim with him.

736
00:32:50,260 --> 00:32:52,136
Really? I'm not
sure what that is,

737
00:32:52,220 --> 00:32:53,387
but good luck with it.

738
00:32:53,722 --> 00:32:54,722
(LAUGHS)

739
00:32:55,182 --> 00:32:56,724
You know, I would love
to write a piece on you

740
00:32:56,808 --> 00:32:57,808
for The New Yorker.

741
00:32:57,893 --> 00:32:59,185
What's The New Yorker?

742
00:33:00,228 --> 00:33:02,146
It's a magazine.
Uh-huh.

743
00:33:02,397 --> 00:33:05,232
With essays, witty cartoons.

744
00:33:05,901 --> 00:33:07,610
I read the Mandrake
Falls Gazette

745
00:33:07,694 --> 00:33:09,737
and they got some
cartoons in there also.

746
00:33:09,821 --> 00:33:12,448
You know who's a riot?
That Beetle Bailey guy.

747
00:33:12,532 --> 00:33:14,950
He's always wearing his hat
and doing his thing.

748
00:33:15,827 --> 00:33:18,913
But it is an honor
to meet a real writer
such as yourself, George.

749
00:33:18,997 --> 00:33:20,831
I've been trying
to get my stuff
published for years,

750
00:33:20,916 --> 00:33:23,125
but that Hallmark
is one tough cookie
to crack.

751
00:33:23,585 --> 00:33:24,627
Hallmark?

752
00:33:25,003 --> 00:33:26,879
He writes greeting cards.

753
00:33:26,963 --> 00:33:28,005
I try.

754
00:33:28,090 --> 00:33:30,216
You must share
one with us.

755
00:33:30,425 --> 00:33:32,385
I don't know about
that, Mr. French.

756
00:33:32,469 --> 00:33:33,928
Who's Mr. French?

757
00:33:34,012 --> 00:33:35,346
Doesn't he look
like Mr. French?

758
00:33:35,430 --> 00:33:37,098
I've never heard of him.

759
00:33:37,599 --> 00:33:38,557
Come on.
All right. All right,

760
00:33:38,642 --> 00:33:39,684
I'll give you one.

761
00:33:39,768 --> 00:33:41,602
This is a Mother's Day card
I've been working on.

762
00:33:42,521 --> 00:33:46,941
"Mom, you are the one
who brought me
to Planet Earth.

763
00:33:47,567 --> 00:33:51,028
"You are the one who suffered
through my 14-hour birth.

764
00:33:51,488 --> 00:33:53,572
"You are the one who
made lemonade for me

765
00:33:53,657 --> 00:33:55,324
"after I'd come
back from play.

766
00:33:55,826 --> 00:33:57,785
"I love you, Mom,

767
00:33:57,869 --> 00:33:59,912
"so have a wicked nice
Mother's Day."

768
00:34:00,414 --> 00:34:01,455
Something like that.

769
00:34:02,666 --> 00:34:03,791
An instant classic!

770
00:34:03,875 --> 00:34:05,835
♪ Genius, genius, genius ♪

771
00:34:06,294 --> 00:34:08,295
Do you write your poems
with a crayon, Deeds?

772
00:34:08,463 --> 00:34:10,756
(ALL LAUGHING)

773
00:34:12,634 --> 00:34:13,884
MAN: It's amazing!

774
00:34:15,262 --> 00:34:17,054
I see why
you brought me here.

775
00:34:17,139 --> 00:34:18,305
To goof on me, huh?

776
00:34:18,640 --> 00:34:19,890
Don't be silly, Deeds.

777
00:34:19,975 --> 00:34:21,308
Pipe down, George.

778
00:34:22,060 --> 00:34:23,310
I may seem funny to you,

779
00:34:23,395 --> 00:34:24,770
but if you came
to Mandrake Falls,

780
00:34:24,855 --> 00:34:26,313
you might seem funny to us.

781
00:34:26,398 --> 00:34:28,691
Only nobody would
laugh at you and
make you feel stupid,

782
00:34:28,775 --> 00:34:29,984
'cause that wouldn't
be good manners.

783
00:34:30,736 --> 00:34:32,153
Maybe my poems
aren't that great,

784
00:34:32,237 --> 00:34:34,321
but I know some people
who like them.

785
00:34:34,740 --> 00:34:36,282
Anyways, it's the best
I can do.

786
00:34:36,825 --> 00:34:38,743
Okay. Well,
we're going
to get going.

787
00:34:38,827 --> 00:34:41,495
Sorry about that, Pam.
I hope I didn't
embarrass you.

788
00:34:42,205 --> 00:34:45,082
(ALL LAUGHING)

789
00:34:47,085 --> 00:34:48,919
And if it wasn't for
Miss Dawson being here,

790
00:34:49,004 --> 00:34:50,504
I'd probably knock
your heads in.

791
00:34:50,589 --> 00:34:52,840
I don't mind.
Okay.

792
00:34:57,053 --> 00:34:58,512
♪ No ♪

793
00:35:00,807 --> 00:35:02,349
(DINERS EXCLAIMING)

794
00:35:04,603 --> 00:35:08,731
I think I just shat myself.

795
00:35:09,357 --> 00:35:11,734
How would you like to go
see the sights now,
Miss Dawson?

796
00:35:11,818 --> 00:35:14,361
Oh. Yes. I just need
to powder my nose.

797
00:35:14,446 --> 00:35:15,905
That'd be great.
I'll get your coat.

798
00:35:15,989 --> 00:35:17,406
Okay.
Okay.

799
00:35:17,491 --> 00:35:21,327
Hey, buddy, this will pay
for everything I damaged.
Sorry about that.

800
00:35:21,411 --> 00:35:23,120
Good to meet you guys.
Thank you.

801
00:35:23,830 --> 00:35:27,041
God, that was good stuff.
Yes, yes, yes, yes.

802
00:35:29,044 --> 00:35:30,503
I want a raise, Mac.

803
00:35:32,589 --> 00:35:33,964
Yes. Yes.

804
00:35:34,925 --> 00:35:36,467
Hey, man! What's up?

805
00:35:37,052 --> 00:35:39,386
Holy cannoli,
you're John McEnroe!

806
00:35:39,554 --> 00:35:40,805
Hey, I saw what
you did to those guys

807
00:35:40,889 --> 00:35:42,598
who were making fun
of you. Nice work.

808
00:35:42,891 --> 00:35:44,266
You know what it's like
to get riled up,

809
00:35:44,351 --> 00:35:45,434
don't you, Johnny Mac?

810
00:35:45,519 --> 00:35:46,685
That I do.

811
00:35:47,145 --> 00:35:48,312
I'm Deeds, by the way.

812
00:35:48,605 --> 00:35:49,980
Deeds, nice to meet you.

813
00:35:50,065 --> 00:35:51,649
You got to let me
buy you a drink.

814
00:35:51,733 --> 00:35:54,151
Oh! Miss Dawson,
this is John McEnroe.

815
00:35:54,236 --> 00:35:56,570
Hello.
Miss Dawson,
nice to meet you.

816
00:35:56,655 --> 00:35:58,072
Nice to meet you, too.

817
00:35:58,156 --> 00:36:00,699
I kind of promised
Miss Dawson I'd take
her out sightseeing.

818
00:36:00,784 --> 00:36:03,619
Look, the sights are great.
I've seen the sights.
I love the sights.

819
00:36:04,079 --> 00:36:06,413
Let me show you a New York
most people will never see.

820
00:36:06,581 --> 00:36:07,581
Uh-oh.

821
00:36:07,666 --> 00:36:09,375
That okay with you,
Miss Dawson?

822
00:36:09,459 --> 00:36:10,876
Sounds like fun!

823
00:36:10,961 --> 00:36:13,254
Here's to a big night
on the town.

824
00:36:14,047 --> 00:36:15,172
Okay.

825
00:36:15,257 --> 00:36:16,257
(MOUTHING) Yes!

826
00:36:18,593 --> 00:36:20,135
(GROANING)

827
00:36:26,017 --> 00:36:27,852
What happened?

828
00:36:27,936 --> 00:36:30,187
Here are some aspirins,
Mr. Deeds.

829
00:36:30,272 --> 00:36:32,481
They make your head
seem smaller.

830
00:36:33,567 --> 00:36:34,567
(GRUNTING)

831
00:36:36,069 --> 00:36:37,862
How did I get
in these pajamas?

832
00:36:37,946 --> 00:36:38,946
I changed you.

833
00:36:39,865 --> 00:36:41,657
I was very gentle, sir.

834
00:36:42,951 --> 00:36:46,287
I think I drank
all the alcohol
in Manhattan last night.

835
00:36:46,454 --> 00:36:49,665
And you nearly succeeded
according to Miss Dawson.

836
00:36:50,584 --> 00:36:52,042
Miss Dawson.

837
00:36:52,127 --> 00:36:54,420
I don't even remember taking
her home. Is she okay?

838
00:36:54,504 --> 00:36:57,256
I took the liberty
of sending her off in
the company limousine.

839
00:36:57,340 --> 00:37:00,301
She was a lady in distress
and I helped her.

840
00:37:01,136 --> 00:37:02,803
Dreamt about her
last night.

841
00:37:03,346 --> 00:37:06,140
Usually when you
get blackout drunk,
you don't dream.

842
00:37:07,642 --> 00:37:08,726
So I read.

843
00:37:13,315 --> 00:37:14,648
What's up, Chuck?

844
00:37:18,153 --> 00:37:20,112
America's newest
billionaire...

845
00:37:20,196 --> 00:37:21,488
(LAUGHING)

846
00:37:21,907 --> 00:37:23,115
...stupid and drunk.

847
00:37:23,199 --> 00:37:24,241
What's this?

848
00:37:24,326 --> 00:37:26,827
Well, it was quite a night
for Longfellow Deeds.

849
00:37:27,120 --> 00:37:30,080
Oh, no. They're gonna know
my name's Longfellow.

850
00:37:30,165 --> 00:37:32,541
After punching out
some society types,

851
00:37:34,294 --> 00:37:38,714
Deeds joined forces with
the original bad boy
of tennis, John McEnroe.

852
00:37:38,798 --> 00:37:41,258
And stupidity won
in straight sets.

853
00:37:41,509 --> 00:37:43,677
(BOTH LAUGHING)

854
00:37:46,640 --> 00:37:47,765
(TIRES SCREECHING)

855
00:37:48,516 --> 00:37:50,059
How'd they get
that footage?

856
00:37:50,644 --> 00:37:52,186
DEEDS: Watch out, Johnny!

857
00:37:52,270 --> 00:37:53,270
Whoa!

858
00:37:54,856 --> 00:37:56,690
What kind of
driving is that?

859
00:37:56,775 --> 00:37:58,275
You're a (BLEEP) disgrace!

860
00:37:58,526 --> 00:38:00,611
No, sir.
You're a disgrace.

861
00:38:00,904 --> 00:38:02,780
We did it, man!
Johnny McEnroe!

862
00:38:02,864 --> 00:38:06,575
(LAUGHS) Look at Deedsy
hanging out with McEnroe!
That's awesome!

863
00:38:07,535 --> 00:38:09,161
I love the Beach Boys.

864
00:38:09,913 --> 00:38:12,039
Here I go, here I go.

865
00:38:12,123 --> 00:38:14,208
(REGGAE SONG PLAYING)

866
00:38:14,626 --> 00:38:17,419
This is not
the kind of attention
we need right now.

867
00:38:17,504 --> 00:38:18,504
What do you mean?

868
00:38:18,588 --> 00:38:21,715
For the moment, you are
the largest stockholder,

869
00:38:21,800 --> 00:38:23,842
and people might think
any instability you show

870
00:38:23,927 --> 00:38:26,553
may equal instability
in the company.

871
00:38:30,517 --> 00:38:31,725
My bad.

872
00:38:33,603 --> 00:38:35,771
My bad. My bad.

873
00:38:35,855 --> 00:38:36,897
Okay. Okay.

874
00:38:36,982 --> 00:38:38,065
My bad.
Okay.

875
00:38:38,149 --> 00:38:41,151
Shall I call your car,
Mr. Cedar, to take you
to the funeral?

876
00:38:41,236 --> 00:38:42,736
What funeral?

877
00:38:43,613 --> 00:38:45,114
Your great-uncle's funeral.

878
00:38:45,198 --> 00:38:46,323
His funeral's today?

879
00:38:46,408 --> 00:38:47,408
Today, yes.

880
00:38:47,742 --> 00:38:49,618
I'll go get my suit on.

881
00:38:57,043 --> 00:38:59,169
Cute, bigmouth.
Sir?

882
00:38:59,754 --> 00:39:01,672
As soon as that moron goes
back to Cowpie Falls,

883
00:39:01,756 --> 00:39:04,591
you are out of here on
your fat Puerto Rican ass.

884
00:39:09,597 --> 00:39:11,515
I hail from Spain, sir.

885
00:39:17,439 --> 00:39:19,273
(EXCLAIMS IN SPANISH)

886
00:39:20,150 --> 00:39:24,445
REVEREND: Now,
Brother Preston is soaring
with eagles high above.

887
00:39:25,488 --> 00:39:28,323
Because he lived
a life of love.

888
00:39:29,701 --> 00:39:32,536
Yes, he's flying
way up high

889
00:39:33,496 --> 00:39:35,956
because he was
a super cool guy.

890
00:39:37,417 --> 00:39:40,794
He's gone away,
too soon, it seems,

891
00:39:41,421 --> 00:39:44,590
leaving behind
his unfinished dreams.

892
00:39:44,674 --> 00:39:47,384
This guy could make a fortune
writing greeting cards.

893
00:39:47,469 --> 00:39:50,304
Yes, we remember
Preston Blake.

894
00:39:50,847 --> 00:39:53,682
A man with faith
no man could shake.

895
00:39:54,517 --> 00:39:56,685
A strength
no man could break.

896
00:39:57,228 --> 00:39:59,730
A character
no man could fake.

897
00:40:00,523 --> 00:40:03,150
For goodness sake,
let's eat some cake.

898
00:40:03,485 --> 00:40:05,819
ALL: Amen.
Amen.

899
00:40:06,821 --> 00:40:09,782
Excuse me, Reverend,
that was a grand slam.

900
00:40:09,866 --> 00:40:11,575
I mean, that part with
soaring with the eagles

901
00:40:11,659 --> 00:40:12,910
gave me goose bumps.

902
00:40:12,994 --> 00:40:14,369
Thank you, my brother.

903
00:40:14,454 --> 00:40:16,246
My friend got me
a mug for my birthday.

904
00:40:16,331 --> 00:40:18,415
It says, "It's hard to
soar with the eagles

905
00:40:18,500 --> 00:40:20,167
"when you're surrounded
by turkeys."

906
00:40:20,376 --> 00:40:22,252
But what you said was better.

907
00:40:22,337 --> 00:40:23,462
It's all good.

908
00:40:24,214 --> 00:40:25,881
PRIEST:
Rest in peace, Preston.

909
00:40:26,299 --> 00:40:28,133
That concludes
today's service.

910
00:40:28,259 --> 00:40:29,259
(EXCLAIMING)

911
00:40:29,677 --> 00:40:32,012
I actually, I thought
I would say something.

912
00:40:33,765 --> 00:40:36,350
Deedsy was always
the best speaker in school.

913
00:40:36,976 --> 00:40:37,976
Deedsy?

914
00:40:38,061 --> 00:40:40,020
DEEDS: Awesome job,
by the way,
Your Majesty.

915
00:40:40,396 --> 00:40:43,023
I thought we were
watching Scooby-Doo.

916
00:40:43,399 --> 00:40:44,858
Hi, my name is Deeds.

917
00:40:45,318 --> 00:40:47,569
I was Preston Blake's
great-nephew.

918
00:40:47,987 --> 00:40:51,323
I wrote a poem for him
on my way over here,
in my head.

919
00:40:51,658 --> 00:40:54,076
And I'm going to
recite it for you.

920
00:40:54,744 --> 00:40:56,370
I didn't realize
I'd be following

921
00:40:56,454 --> 00:40:58,205
the rhyme-master
Reverend Sharpton.

922
00:40:59,207 --> 00:41:00,749
But here we go anyways.

923
00:41:01,501 --> 00:41:04,461
"You climbed mountains
and built skyscrapers

924
00:41:05,672 --> 00:41:09,550
"You made TV shows
and put out newspapers

925
00:41:11,219 --> 00:41:13,846
"You were wicked good
at doing stocks

926
00:41:14,973 --> 00:41:17,432
"You liked it when Emilio
would change your socks

927
00:41:19,060 --> 00:41:21,854
"We never hung out
and that makes me sad

928
00:41:22,772 --> 00:41:25,107
"All the good times
we could've had"

929
00:41:25,817 --> 00:41:27,234
Nice rhyme.

930
00:41:27,610 --> 00:41:31,071
"But when I die,
Uncle Preston,
you'd better say, 'Cheers! '

931
00:41:31,948 --> 00:41:34,616
"'Cause me and you
are hanging at
the pearly gates

932
00:41:34,701 --> 00:41:38,495
"I'll bring the beers,
I'll bring the beers"

933
00:41:39,330 --> 00:41:40,414
He's good.

934
00:41:40,915 --> 00:41:41,957
ALL: Amen.

935
00:41:42,041 --> 00:41:45,460
Now, I know this is supposed
to be a closed casket,
but where I come from

936
00:41:45,545 --> 00:41:49,214
we feel it's good to see
the body for the grieving
process, so...

937
00:41:49,757 --> 00:41:51,592
(ALL SCREAMING)

938
00:41:52,343 --> 00:41:55,345
Sorry about that!
I'll keep this sucker closed.

939
00:41:56,097 --> 00:41:57,639
(CRACKLING)

940
00:41:57,724 --> 00:41:59,558
(PEOPLE EXCLAIMING)

941
00:41:59,934 --> 00:42:01,768
He's still pretty frozen.

942
00:42:02,437 --> 00:42:03,645
Almost there.

943
00:42:03,938 --> 00:42:04,897
(BONE CRACKS)

944
00:42:04,981 --> 00:42:06,148
(GROANS)

945
00:42:06,232 --> 00:42:08,650
I'll keep an eye on
the company for you,
buddy. Love you.

946
00:42:08,735 --> 00:42:10,652
Nice meeting you.
Thanks for the apartment.

947
00:42:11,279 --> 00:42:12,487
That was freaky.

948
00:42:12,947 --> 00:42:14,489
Everybody drive home safe.

949
00:42:15,074 --> 00:42:17,075
Man, this guy is
in way over his head.

950
00:42:17,202 --> 00:42:19,203
Take care, Father.
You're gonna see him
again tonight?

951
00:42:19,287 --> 00:42:21,205
Yes, I'm calling
at around 4:00.

952
00:42:21,289 --> 00:42:22,831
That's when I get off work.

953
00:42:22,916 --> 00:42:25,834
Remember, I'm Pam Dawson,
virgin school nurse

954
00:42:25,919 --> 00:42:28,503
from Winchestertonfieldville,
lowa.

955
00:42:28,588 --> 00:42:30,339
(BOTH LAUGHING)

956
00:42:30,882 --> 00:42:32,341
That's priceless.

957
00:42:33,718 --> 00:42:35,260
You, a virgin.

958
00:42:41,476 --> 00:42:43,060
All right, thank you.

959
00:42:43,144 --> 00:42:44,311
Excuse me, sir.

960
00:42:44,437 --> 00:42:45,812
It's all right. I told him
he could have that.

961
00:42:45,897 --> 00:42:46,897
Thanks, Deeds.

962
00:42:46,981 --> 00:42:48,982
Right on, buddy.
Nice seeing you.

963
00:42:49,067 --> 00:42:51,568
You need to use our bathroom,
come back and use it, okay?

964
00:42:51,653 --> 00:42:53,779
Will do, Deeds.
All right.

965
00:42:55,073 --> 00:42:57,282
How do you think I did
at the funeral today?

966
00:42:57,367 --> 00:42:59,201
You spoke beautifully, sir.

967
00:42:59,285 --> 00:43:00,410
I still feel bad.

968
00:43:00,495 --> 00:43:02,412
I think I snapped
my uncle's hand off

969
00:43:02,497 --> 00:43:04,414
when I was putting him
back in the casket.

970
00:43:04,499 --> 00:43:06,833
Lucky for him,
he was dead, sir.

971
00:43:06,918 --> 00:43:09,962
Even though his face
was frozen that way,

972
00:43:10,046 --> 00:43:12,547
it looked to me like
he was a happy guy.
Am I right?

973
00:43:12,757 --> 00:43:14,258
Oh. He truly was.

974
00:43:15,009 --> 00:43:16,301
Come on, sit down, please.

975
00:43:16,636 --> 00:43:20,514
And I got to hang out
with him, just like this,

976
00:43:20,598 --> 00:43:22,724
almost every day
for 30 years.

977
00:43:23,351 --> 00:43:24,601
What did you guys
talk about?

978
00:43:24,894 --> 00:43:29,189
We spoke of life, love,
art, wine, business.

979
00:43:29,649 --> 00:43:31,358
I learned much from him.

980
00:43:31,442 --> 00:43:32,818
I bet you miss him, too.

981
00:43:32,902 --> 00:43:35,779
I do. He was like
a parent to me.

982
00:43:36,614 --> 00:43:38,740
You see, I never
knew my father.

983
00:43:38,825 --> 00:43:42,411
And Mama, she passed while
giving the birth to me.

984
00:43:46,040 --> 00:43:48,208
You want some
Cocoa Pebbles?
No, thanks.

985
00:43:48,293 --> 00:43:49,293
Okay.

986
00:43:49,377 --> 00:43:52,629
I have much work to do.

987
00:43:52,714 --> 00:43:54,965
Thanks. You don't got
to do that. All right.
Thank you.

988
00:43:55,049 --> 00:43:56,800
Enjoy your Pebbles.

989
00:43:57,468 --> 00:43:58,468
One more thing.

990
00:43:59,512 --> 00:44:02,222
Your great-uncle did not
let me change his socks
for him, either.

991
00:44:04,142 --> 00:44:07,269
I like feet.
I do not know why.

992
00:44:11,399 --> 00:44:12,899
(PHONE RINGING)

993
00:44:15,695 --> 00:44:16,737
Hello.

994
00:44:17,071 --> 00:44:19,990
Hi, Deeds? It's Pam.
Pam Dawson.

995
00:44:20,074 --> 00:44:23,827
I'm so happy you called.
I'm wicked sorry
about last night.

996
00:44:23,911 --> 00:44:25,412
I don't drink very often.

997
00:44:25,830 --> 00:44:28,582
Oh! I thought you held
your liquor very well.

998
00:44:28,666 --> 00:44:31,043
Well, unfortunately,
I couldn't hold it
for too long.

999
00:44:31,127 --> 00:44:34,713
That's okay.
I didn't really like
that skirt anyway.

1000
00:44:34,797 --> 00:44:35,964
(CHUCKLING)

1001
00:44:36,382 --> 00:44:37,841
(PHONE BEEPS)
I'm getting a call
on the other line.

1002
00:44:37,925 --> 00:44:39,384
Do you think you can
hang on for a second?

1003
00:44:39,469 --> 00:44:42,763
Sure.
Thank you. Hello.

1004
00:44:42,847 --> 00:44:46,016
Mr. Deeds, this is Kevin Ward,
the quarterback you punched.

1005
00:44:46,434 --> 00:44:47,934
Okay. What's up, buddy?

1006
00:44:48,019 --> 00:44:51,188
Yeah. I wanted to say that
I was thinking it over

1007
00:44:51,272 --> 00:44:53,106
and I'd like to
live up to my word.

1008
00:44:53,358 --> 00:44:55,025
And I'd like to
win you a Super Bowl.

1009
00:44:55,109 --> 00:44:56,735
That's terrific, pal.

1010
00:44:56,819 --> 00:44:58,320
And my daddy wants
to speak to you.

1011
00:44:59,197 --> 00:45:01,365
Deeds. Buddy Ward
here, Kevin's daddy.

1012
00:45:01,449 --> 00:45:02,699
How you doing
there, Mr. Ward?

1013
00:45:02,784 --> 00:45:05,369
I just want to thank you
for teaching my boy a lesson.

1014
00:45:05,453 --> 00:45:07,120
Not a problem, sir.
He's a good kid.

1015
00:45:07,205 --> 00:45:09,414
He's just gotta
watch his language
in front of the ladies.

1016
00:45:11,626 --> 00:45:14,044
(CHUCKLES)
I'll remind Kevin
where he comes from.

1017
00:45:14,670 --> 00:45:16,338
Okay. That sounds terrific.

1018
00:45:16,422 --> 00:45:19,424
You used foul language
in front of a lady?

1019
00:45:20,134 --> 00:45:21,134
No, Daddy, no!

1020
00:45:21,761 --> 00:45:22,719
(BELT WHIPPING)

1021
00:45:22,804 --> 00:45:23,887
(KEVIN SCREAMING)

1022
00:45:25,139 --> 00:45:26,181
Pam.

1023
00:45:26,265 --> 00:45:27,682
Still here, Deeds.

1024
00:45:27,767 --> 00:45:29,309
So how's it going?
You at work?

1025
00:45:29,769 --> 00:45:32,187
Yep, up here
in the nurse's office.

1026
00:45:32,271 --> 00:45:33,313
Any customers?

1027
00:45:33,564 --> 00:45:35,732
Customers?
Oh, sick kids.

1028
00:45:36,818 --> 00:45:40,153
Well, little
Billy Barty's here.

1029
00:45:40,947 --> 00:45:42,489
You're not feeling
too good, Billy?

1030
00:45:43,032 --> 00:45:45,951
(IN HIGH-PITCHED VOICE)
Miss Dawson,
my tummy hurts.

1031
00:45:46,452 --> 00:45:49,162
Okay. Why don't you just
lay back and relax?

1032
00:45:49,455 --> 00:45:50,789
That was nice.
Good job.

1033
00:45:50,873 --> 00:45:54,626
I've got too much doo-doo
in my underpants.

1034
00:45:54,836 --> 00:45:58,088
(CRYING) Make
the stinky go away.

1035
00:45:58,589 --> 00:46:00,590
Well, you sound like
you got your hands full,

1036
00:46:00,675 --> 00:46:03,260
so I'll just
come out with it.

1037
00:46:04,178 --> 00:46:06,346
How would you like
to do something
with me tonight?

1038
00:46:07,348 --> 00:46:09,099
I'd love to do
something with you.

1039
00:46:09,183 --> 00:46:11,184
Great. Well, we can't
go out drinking

1040
00:46:11,269 --> 00:46:13,019
'cause I got our
company in trouble.

1041
00:46:13,104 --> 00:46:17,023
Oh. That's okay.
I was brought up
never to drink alcohol.

1042
00:46:17,400 --> 00:46:19,609
Not even rum raisin
ice cream.

1043
00:46:19,694 --> 00:46:22,446
I like that. I'll think of
something good, okay?

1044
00:46:22,530 --> 00:46:23,697
See you tonight.

1045
00:46:23,781 --> 00:46:25,115
Okay. Bye.

1046
00:46:29,328 --> 00:46:30,996
I got to try this.

1047
00:46:33,875 --> 00:46:35,459
(WHOOPING)

1048
00:46:35,960 --> 00:46:37,377
Whoa. Whoa! Whoa!

1049
00:46:41,215 --> 00:46:42,966
(LAUGHS EXCITEDLY)

1050
00:46:43,509 --> 00:46:44,885
Was that awesome?

1051
00:46:46,554 --> 00:46:47,888
Am I out or safe?

1052
00:46:50,057 --> 00:46:51,558
I'm with you.

1053
00:46:53,394 --> 00:46:56,938
What is this?
My great-uncle's
personal journal.

1054
00:46:58,441 --> 00:46:59,483
Should I read it?

1055
00:47:00,067 --> 00:47:01,318
Family.

1056
00:47:02,904 --> 00:47:04,696
Family, safe, good.

1057
00:47:05,448 --> 00:47:08,909
All right,
have a good night.
My back hurts!

1058
00:47:13,581 --> 00:47:14,831
Nice doing business
with you, fellows.

1059
00:47:14,916 --> 00:47:15,916
Thank you, Mr. Deeds.

1060
00:47:16,000 --> 00:47:17,709
Thanks for the bikes.

1061
00:47:18,085 --> 00:47:20,128
What are you gonna do
with your $20,000?

1062
00:47:20,213 --> 00:47:21,254
Buy a giraffe.

1063
00:47:21,339 --> 00:47:23,006
What are you gonna do
with your $20,000?

1064
00:47:23,090 --> 00:47:24,174
Quit school.

1065
00:47:24,592 --> 00:47:28,803
Good idea.
School is for fools.
Look at me!

1066
00:47:28,888 --> 00:47:29,846
(LAUGHS MANIACALLY)

1067
00:47:29,931 --> 00:47:31,223
(BOTH SCREAMING)

1068
00:47:41,692 --> 00:47:43,318
(SCREAMING)

1069
00:47:54,497 --> 00:47:56,414
The park is beautiful.

1070
00:47:57,041 --> 00:47:58,291
These trees,

1071
00:47:58,376 --> 00:48:00,669
they remind you of
Winchestertonfieldville
at all?

1072
00:48:00,753 --> 00:48:04,256
Oh! Yes. Yes.
Very much so.

1073
00:48:04,882 --> 00:48:06,967
What was it like
growing up there?

1074
00:48:07,051 --> 00:48:08,385
It was great.

1075
00:48:08,970 --> 00:48:13,014
I remember walking down
to the corner drugstore

1076
00:48:13,099 --> 00:48:15,392
and getting
malted milkshakes.

1077
00:48:16,310 --> 00:48:17,727
What was your house like?

1078
00:48:18,688 --> 00:48:23,358
We had this big Victorian.
Right off Main Street.

1079
00:48:24,485 --> 00:48:27,070
Blue shutters
and a big red door.

1080
00:48:27,530 --> 00:48:28,572
All right.

1081
00:48:29,115 --> 00:48:31,741
And a tire swing
in the front yard.

1082
00:48:31,826 --> 00:48:32,867
I love it.

1083
00:48:33,494 --> 00:48:37,414
And I remember the time
I fell out of old
Boo Radley's apple tree

1084
00:48:37,498 --> 00:48:39,165
and broke my arm.

1085
00:48:39,834 --> 00:48:43,712
And my father,
before he passed away

1086
00:48:43,796 --> 00:48:46,214
from the disease
of the lepers,

1087
00:48:47,049 --> 00:48:48,592
he came and
he scooped me up,

1088
00:48:48,676 --> 00:48:51,386
and he ran me
all the way
to Dr. Pepper's.

1089
00:48:53,097 --> 00:48:54,264
Dr. Pepper?

1090
00:48:54,974 --> 00:48:55,974
Yeah.

1091
00:48:56,225 --> 00:48:57,976
I'm glad that guy
was around.

1092
00:48:59,061 --> 00:49:00,312
Want to sit down?

1093
00:49:00,396 --> 00:49:01,688
Sure.

1094
00:49:03,232 --> 00:49:05,191
Thank you.
My pleasure.

1095
00:49:05,568 --> 00:49:08,778
I was reading
my great-uncle's journal
on my way over to you.

1096
00:49:08,863 --> 00:49:11,239
And when he was age nine,

1097
00:49:11,324 --> 00:49:13,742
he wrote that he had
the only family

1098
00:49:13,826 --> 00:49:15,118
on the block with a radio,

1099
00:49:15,202 --> 00:49:17,871
and he was dreaming
about becoming
a disc jockey someday.

1100
00:49:18,331 --> 00:49:19,956
A disc jockey?
Yeah.

1101
00:49:20,041 --> 00:49:21,041
Wow.

1102
00:49:22,710 --> 00:49:24,294
You know,
when I was a kid,

1103
00:49:24,378 --> 00:49:26,046
I wanted to be
a news reporter.

1104
00:49:26,130 --> 00:49:27,505
Oh, yeah?
Yeah.

1105
00:49:27,840 --> 00:49:29,841
I used to go around
interviewing everyone,

1106
00:49:29,925 --> 00:49:33,345
and writing notes
in my little Holly
Hobbie notebook.

1107
00:49:35,056 --> 00:49:38,266
People didn't like that.
I got beat up a lot.

1108
00:49:38,351 --> 00:49:39,976
Do you remember
their names?

1109
00:49:40,061 --> 00:49:42,062
Oh. No, it was
a long time ago.

1110
00:49:42,146 --> 00:49:43,146
Okay.

1111
00:49:43,522 --> 00:49:45,482
But my grandma said to me,

1112
00:49:45,566 --> 00:49:47,108
"One day, honey,
you're gonna grow up,

1113
00:49:47,193 --> 00:49:48,818
"and you're gonna
work for 60 Minutes,

1114
00:49:48,903 --> 00:49:51,571
"and make a difference
in the world."

1115
00:49:51,989 --> 00:49:54,115
Well, you do make
a difference in
the world every day.

1116
00:49:54,200 --> 00:49:55,575
You're a school nurse.

1117
00:49:57,620 --> 00:49:58,787
Yeah.

1118
00:49:59,246 --> 00:50:01,456
Anyways, this is what
happened to my uncle.

1119
00:50:01,540 --> 00:50:05,168
Later on in his life,
he'd go to this radio
station that he owned

1120
00:50:05,252 --> 00:50:08,380
at, like,
3:00 in the morning,
and DJ for an hour.

1121
00:50:08,547 --> 00:50:10,757
Oh! That's great.
Yeah.

1122
00:50:10,841 --> 00:50:14,552
So don't give up hope.
You'll be a reporter someday.

1123
00:50:14,637 --> 00:50:15,762
If you really want to.

1124
00:50:17,723 --> 00:50:19,432
That would be nice.

1125
00:50:20,559 --> 00:50:22,227
(SIREN WAILING)

1126
00:50:22,311 --> 00:50:23,687
Jeezum crow, a fire!

1127
00:50:23,771 --> 00:50:24,771
Fire?

1128
00:50:24,855 --> 00:50:26,773
We should help.
We should?

1129
00:50:26,857 --> 00:50:28,525
Let's get going.
To the fire?

1130
00:50:28,609 --> 00:50:29,609
Yeah.

1131
00:50:29,944 --> 00:50:31,820
WOMAN: Fifi, get
over here right now.

1132
00:50:31,904 --> 00:50:33,530
Come on, we'll catch you.

1133
00:50:33,614 --> 00:50:36,408
Go away! No! I can't
leave without me kitties.

1134
00:50:36,492 --> 00:50:37,659
They're all I got.

1135
00:50:38,160 --> 00:50:39,911
Crazy lady!
Babies, where are you?

1136
00:50:40,037 --> 00:50:42,122
Don't worry!
Get up there now.
Get going!

1137
00:50:42,415 --> 00:50:45,208
Longfellow Deeds,
Mandrake Falls
volunteer fire chief.

1138
00:50:45,292 --> 00:50:47,127
I'll be up there
in a jiff, buddy.

1139
00:50:47,211 --> 00:50:48,712
OFFICER: Get right
back in the car.

1140
00:50:48,796 --> 00:50:50,130
Yeah, take them.

1141
00:50:50,214 --> 00:50:52,382
Where's he going?

1142
00:50:53,467 --> 00:50:54,592
FIREMAN: Watch it, man!

1143
00:50:54,927 --> 00:50:57,387
Hey, Sully, who's
that guy up there?
I don't know.

1144
00:50:57,471 --> 00:51:00,014
He says he's from
the Mandrake Falls
Fire Department.

1145
00:51:00,099 --> 00:51:01,224
(ALL GASPING)

1146
00:51:01,308 --> 00:51:02,600
How the hell does
he climb like that?

1147
00:51:02,685 --> 00:51:04,811
He must have monkey blood
in him or something.

1148
00:51:04,895 --> 00:51:07,647
DEEDS: It's an honor to work
with New York's bravest guys.

1149
00:51:07,898 --> 00:51:09,357
Be careful, Deeds!

1150
00:51:09,442 --> 00:51:10,442
I'm gonna get you.

1151
00:51:10,526 --> 00:51:12,736
WOMAN: Where are me babies?
Babies, where are you?

1152
00:51:12,820 --> 00:51:14,988
Ma'am!
Oh, Lord,
it's hot in here.

1153
00:51:15,489 --> 00:51:16,781
Calm down. Calm down.

1154
00:51:16,824 --> 00:51:18,575
Kitties, come to Mommy.
Everything's gonna
be all right.

1155
00:51:18,659 --> 00:51:20,493
Okay, but I'm not leaving
without me kitties.

1156
00:51:20,828 --> 00:51:22,495
How many do you got?
Seven.

1157
00:51:22,955 --> 00:51:24,998
Holy shit!
Let's get cracking.

1158
00:51:26,876 --> 00:51:28,251
I apologize
for the language.

1159
00:51:28,335 --> 00:51:29,461
Apology accepted.

1160
00:51:30,254 --> 00:51:31,296
(GASPING)

1161
00:51:34,341 --> 00:51:35,925
Fire excites me.

1162
00:51:36,010 --> 00:51:37,010
Knock yourself out.

1163
00:51:38,804 --> 00:51:39,929
Come here. Come here.

1164
00:51:40,014 --> 00:51:41,264
WOMAN: Yes. That's Freddy.

1165
00:51:42,016 --> 00:51:43,349
Here we go! Whoo!

1166
00:51:43,851 --> 00:51:45,018
Oh! My children!

1167
00:51:45,186 --> 00:51:46,519
FIREMAN: Look out!

1168
00:51:48,230 --> 00:51:49,230
(SCREECHING)

1169
00:51:49,940 --> 00:51:51,065
(CROWD APPLAUDING)

1170
00:51:51,150 --> 00:51:52,484
Nice catch, Pam!

1171
00:51:52,568 --> 00:51:54,194
Good throw, Deeds!

1172
00:51:56,322 --> 00:51:57,322
Whee!

1173
00:52:00,618 --> 00:52:01,618
(MAN GRUNTS)

1174
00:52:05,164 --> 00:52:06,915
WOMAN: That's Frobo.
Thank you, darling.

1175
00:52:06,999 --> 00:52:07,999
Coming at you, boys.

1176
00:52:12,546 --> 00:52:13,838
I'll take that.

1177
00:52:14,799 --> 00:52:15,882
There's a lot more.

1178
00:52:15,966 --> 00:52:17,675
Okay, okay, okay.

1179
00:52:23,307 --> 00:52:24,307
(BOTH LAUGHING)

1180
00:52:26,060 --> 00:52:27,602
(MEOWING)

1181
00:52:29,188 --> 00:52:30,897
Holy shit, it's a cat!

1182
00:52:34,568 --> 00:52:36,903
Oh, snap.
I got you, kitty.

1183
00:52:39,240 --> 00:52:40,573
Nice grab!

1184
00:52:42,409 --> 00:52:43,618
DEEDS: One more to go.

1185
00:52:44,036 --> 00:52:46,162
Fifi, where are you?

1186
00:52:47,331 --> 00:52:48,748
DEEDS: I think I found Fifi.
(CAT SCREECHING)

1187
00:52:48,833 --> 00:52:50,166
WOMAN: Oh! Good!

1188
00:52:51,085 --> 00:52:53,127
Hang in there.
Hang in there,
buddy!

1189
00:52:54,588 --> 00:52:56,047
I got it! I got it!

1190
00:53:00,177 --> 00:53:01,177
(MEOWS)
(LAUGHS)

1191
00:53:01,512 --> 00:53:03,471
(ALL CHEERING)

1192
00:53:03,556 --> 00:53:04,848
Okay, let's do
this together.

1193
00:53:04,932 --> 00:53:05,932
WOMAN: I'm scared.

1194
00:53:06,725 --> 00:53:08,226
Deeds, be careful!

1195
00:53:08,310 --> 00:53:10,395
All right, they do it
all the time. Here we go.

1196
00:53:10,813 --> 00:53:12,647
(BOTH SCREAMING)

1197
00:53:14,441 --> 00:53:15,650
Oh, shit!

1198
00:53:16,735 --> 00:53:17,735
(WOMAN GRUNTS)

1199
00:53:18,946 --> 00:53:19,946
Deeds.

1200
00:53:20,489 --> 00:53:21,739
I'm okay.

1201
00:53:22,449 --> 00:53:23,575
Are you okay?

1202
00:53:24,827 --> 00:53:27,495
Yes, I am.
Thanks to you!

1203
00:53:27,580 --> 00:53:29,581
(ALL CHEERING)

1204
00:53:29,665 --> 00:53:30,999
DEEDS: You're hurting me!

1205
00:53:35,254 --> 00:53:37,589
Longfellow Deeds
is at it again.

1206
00:53:38,048 --> 00:53:40,091
His latest victim,
Coretta Keeling,

1207
00:53:40,175 --> 00:53:43,052
whose only crime was
loving her cats too much.

1208
00:53:43,137 --> 00:53:45,680
And letting Deeds
find out about it.

1209
00:53:45,764 --> 00:53:47,056
I'm gonna get you!

1210
00:53:47,141 --> 00:53:48,182
Go away!

1211
00:53:48,726 --> 00:53:50,643
I love it.
DEEDS: Here comes two!

1212
00:53:53,188 --> 00:53:54,230
(SQUISHING)

1213
00:53:54,315 --> 00:53:55,273
MAN: Cat killer!
Cat killer!

1214
00:53:55,357 --> 00:53:56,983
MAC: After he finished
with her cats,

1215
00:53:57,067 --> 00:53:59,819
he turned his sights
on Miss Keeling herself.

1216
00:54:00,154 --> 00:54:01,571
No! No!

1217
00:54:01,780 --> 00:54:02,780
My God!

1218
00:54:03,824 --> 00:54:05,241
That's not what I shot.

1219
00:54:05,326 --> 00:54:08,119
Has Longfellow Deeds
been locked up?
Of course not.

1220
00:54:08,203 --> 00:54:09,704
While the rest of us
obey the law,

1221
00:54:09,788 --> 00:54:12,081
rich playboys like himself
get to laugh at it.

1222
00:54:12,416 --> 00:54:13,917
(LAUGHING)

1223
00:54:14,293 --> 00:54:15,710
Longfellow Deeds.

1224
00:54:15,920 --> 00:54:17,879
Our jackass of the week.
(JACKASS BRAYING)

1225
00:54:18,547 --> 00:54:20,840
What the hell?
Who edited that?

1226
00:54:21,216 --> 00:54:22,300
I did.

1227
00:54:22,384 --> 00:54:24,093
Your first cut was great,

1228
00:54:24,178 --> 00:54:25,803
but I needed to
spice it up a bit.

1229
00:54:25,888 --> 00:54:28,097
The truth was a great story.

1230
00:54:28,182 --> 00:54:31,434
He saved that woman
and her seven cats.

1231
00:54:31,518 --> 00:54:32,936
He was heroic!

1232
00:54:33,020 --> 00:54:34,270
Heroic is nice.

1233
00:54:34,355 --> 00:54:35,855
Depraved and insane
is better.

1234
00:54:35,940 --> 00:54:37,106
Hell, yeah!

1235
00:54:37,191 --> 00:54:39,901
Babe, this footage
you're getting, gorgeous.

1236
00:54:39,985 --> 00:54:40,985
Keep it coming!

1237
00:54:41,695 --> 00:54:44,238
God, how can we do this
to such a sweet guy?

1238
00:54:44,323 --> 00:54:48,451
Sweet? Sweet?
Look at me!

1239
00:54:48,827 --> 00:54:52,205
Was he being sweet
when he gave me the most
savage beating of my life?

1240
00:54:52,539 --> 00:54:54,040
You were mugging me!

1241
00:54:54,291 --> 00:54:57,001
Babe, no one
is as good

1242
00:54:57,086 --> 00:54:59,003
as this guy's
pretending to be.

1243
00:54:59,838 --> 00:55:01,381
Don't be a sucker.

1244
00:55:01,882 --> 00:55:03,508
He doesn't deserve this.

1245
00:55:05,552 --> 00:55:07,428
He doesn't deserve you.

1246
00:55:08,973 --> 00:55:10,264
Ow! My neck!

1247
00:55:12,893 --> 00:55:13,893
(SNIFFS)

1248
00:55:14,937 --> 00:55:16,980
DEEDS: I feel
like an idiot.

1249
00:55:17,064 --> 00:55:19,148
They made me look
like a fool, Jan.

1250
00:55:19,858 --> 00:55:23,194
I was thinking of going down
to that Inside Access place

1251
00:55:23,278 --> 00:55:26,239
and giving Mac McGrath
the beating of a lifetime.

1252
00:55:26,615 --> 00:55:28,241
JAN: That sounds like fun,

1253
00:55:28,325 --> 00:55:29,909
but don't stoop
to their level.

1254
00:55:30,452 --> 00:55:32,078
You're better
than that, Deedsy.

1255
00:55:32,538 --> 00:55:33,997
So hang in there.

1256
00:55:34,081 --> 00:55:36,207
And know that we are
always here for you.

1257
00:55:38,335 --> 00:55:39,585
Thanks, Jan.

1258
00:55:39,670 --> 00:55:42,422
My uncle really built
an amazing company.

1259
00:55:42,506 --> 00:55:45,925
Because of him,
50,000 people have jobs.

1260
00:55:46,010 --> 00:55:48,511
And he always tried
to do the right thing.

1261
00:55:49,763 --> 00:55:52,432
Well, he does sound amazing.

1262
00:55:52,516 --> 00:55:55,435
But don't forget,
he was related to you.

1263
00:55:56,103 --> 00:56:00,481
Enough about that.
Tell me more about
this girl.

1264
00:56:01,567 --> 00:56:05,570
She's nice.
A small-town kid, like me.

1265
00:56:06,155 --> 00:56:09,365
Deedsy, you
sick-ass mo' fo'.

1266
00:56:09,450 --> 00:56:10,658
You got to tap that

1267
00:56:10,743 --> 00:56:13,870
before she starts boning
other guys, kid. Boo-Yah!

1268
00:56:16,290 --> 00:56:18,499
He thinks it's you!
He thinks it's you!

1269
00:56:18,584 --> 00:56:19,834
(LAUGHING)

1270
00:56:21,086 --> 00:56:23,379
DEEDS: Let's go, Cedar.
Put some steam on it, kid.

1271
00:56:23,464 --> 00:56:24,464
Here it comes.

1272
00:56:26,258 --> 00:56:27,717
(EXCLAIMS)

1273
00:56:27,801 --> 00:56:29,093
He's trying to kill me.

1274
00:56:29,178 --> 00:56:30,470
You're good at this.

1275
00:56:30,554 --> 00:56:32,096
You know, when
you asked me to play,

1276
00:56:32,181 --> 00:56:33,931
I thought you'd done
this before.

1277
00:56:34,099 --> 00:56:36,976
No, Johnny McEnroe said
it was wicked easy.

1278
00:56:37,061 --> 00:56:39,187
Plus, it was my uncle's
favorite game, right?

1279
00:56:39,271 --> 00:56:40,354
How'd you know that?

1280
00:56:40,439 --> 00:56:41,814
I read it in his diary.

1281
00:56:42,983 --> 00:56:46,235
Really? I didn't know
he kept a diary.

1282
00:56:49,031 --> 00:56:50,031
(SCREAMS)

1283
00:56:51,200 --> 00:56:52,533
Sorry about that, dude.

1284
00:56:52,993 --> 00:56:54,994
It's okay.
He's a new member.

1285
00:56:55,871 --> 00:56:56,871
Ball boy.

1286
00:56:58,040 --> 00:56:59,040
Ball boy!

1287
00:57:01,376 --> 00:57:03,002
All right, baby,
I'm ready for you.

1288
00:57:06,006 --> 00:57:07,006
(GROANS)

1289
00:57:08,008 --> 00:57:09,008
You okay?

1290
00:57:09,426 --> 00:57:10,468
Not a problem.

1291
00:57:10,552 --> 00:57:12,136
Anderson, you liked
that, didn't you?

1292
00:57:12,429 --> 00:57:13,721
I did.

1293
00:57:13,806 --> 00:57:16,057
CHUCK: Listen, Deeds,
I got some good news.

1294
00:57:16,141 --> 00:57:18,309
Those papers will be
ready to sign tomorrow.

1295
00:57:18,393 --> 00:57:21,437
So you can relax knowing
your uncle's company's
gonna be in good hands,

1296
00:57:21,522 --> 00:57:24,273
and you can go home
$40 billion richer.

1297
00:57:24,358 --> 00:57:26,692
I actually was
thinking about maybe
sticking around here

1298
00:57:26,819 --> 00:57:28,778
and going to some
meetings with you.
What?

1299
00:57:28,862 --> 00:57:30,404
(GROANS)

1300
00:57:30,948 --> 00:57:32,406
Whoa!
Fault!

1301
00:57:33,033 --> 00:57:35,701
I figured I could learn,
you know,
like this tennis thing.

1302
00:57:38,288 --> 00:57:39,288
Oh!

1303
00:57:39,373 --> 00:57:42,041
I swear to God,
I'm not trying
to do that. (LAUGHS)

1304
00:57:42,292 --> 00:57:43,459
(CHUCKLING)

1305
00:57:43,669 --> 00:57:45,253
I don't got to sell
my shares right away,

1306
00:57:45,337 --> 00:57:46,754
do I?
Huh?

1307
00:57:46,964 --> 00:57:48,631
Plus, I met
this girl, Cedar.

1308
00:57:48,715 --> 00:57:50,466
I swear to God,
I think she's the one.

1309
00:57:51,885 --> 00:57:53,010
CHUCK: That's
wonderful for you.

1310
00:57:55,556 --> 00:57:56,556
(CHOKING)

1311
00:57:56,932 --> 00:57:58,474
That got you right
in the throat, huh?

1312
00:57:58,559 --> 00:57:59,934
(CHUCKLING)

1313
00:58:00,227 --> 00:58:02,895
Got to ask you,
though, if it hits you,
is it my point or yours?

1314
00:58:03,564 --> 00:58:05,731
Yours.
Well, I'm winning
then, I guess.

1315
00:58:07,359 --> 00:58:08,359
Psst!

1316
00:58:11,905 --> 00:58:14,907
(CHUCK READING)

1317
00:58:15,617 --> 00:58:17,368
(SHOWER RUNNING)

1318
00:58:20,372 --> 00:58:21,622
CHUCK: Sweet Jesus!

1319
00:58:22,457 --> 00:58:23,457
Who are you?

1320
00:58:24,918 --> 00:58:25,960
And what do you
want to tell me?

1321
00:58:26,336 --> 00:58:29,088
I'm a junior producer
at Inside Access.

1322
00:58:29,173 --> 00:58:32,133
And I have information
that will help you
get Deeds out of town.

1323
00:58:32,217 --> 00:58:33,259
Interested?

1324
00:58:33,635 --> 00:58:36,596
Very. Provided the
information is good,

1325
00:58:36,680 --> 00:58:38,181
and you stop
soaping your ass.

1326
00:58:42,269 --> 00:58:43,644
You know
Deeds' girlfriend?

1327
00:58:43,937 --> 00:58:44,937
The school nurse.

1328
00:58:45,606 --> 00:58:46,939
Not quite.

1329
00:58:49,234 --> 00:58:50,526
Lucy, bring me
the overnights.

1330
00:58:50,611 --> 00:58:52,987
JD will tell you
where they are.

1331
00:58:53,071 --> 00:58:55,656
Hey, what the hell
are you doing
in my chair?

1332
00:58:56,366 --> 00:58:57,783
Chuck Cedar.

1333
00:58:58,243 --> 00:59:00,745
I think you and I could help
each other out, Mr. McGrath.

1334
00:59:05,292 --> 00:59:06,709
DEEDS: You excited
about this trip?

1335
00:59:06,793 --> 00:59:08,461
I'm so excited.

1336
00:59:09,129 --> 00:59:10,546
Where are you taking me?

1337
00:59:10,631 --> 00:59:12,256
I told you
that's a surprise.

1338
00:59:19,264 --> 00:59:20,306
Well...

1339
00:59:22,351 --> 00:59:24,810
(BABE READING)

1340
00:59:25,979 --> 00:59:27,730
You got to
be shitting me.

1341
00:59:27,814 --> 00:59:30,399
Whoa! I never
heard you
curse before.

1342
00:59:30,484 --> 00:59:31,984
I'm that excited!

1343
00:59:32,194 --> 00:59:33,194
(CHUCKLES)

1344
00:59:34,363 --> 00:59:35,780
Hey, hey, hey, hey!

1345
00:59:35,864 --> 00:59:38,783
All you
Winchestertonfieldvillians,

1346
00:59:38,867 --> 00:59:40,534
recognize this
little girl?

1347
00:59:43,288 --> 00:59:44,622
Hey, I'll give you a hint.

1348
00:59:44,706 --> 00:59:46,332
"I fell out of
Boo Radley's
apple tree,

1349
00:59:46,416 --> 00:59:48,334
"and my arm
is killing me!"

1350
00:59:49,044 --> 00:59:50,336
Ow!

1351
00:59:52,673 --> 00:59:54,674
Come on, it's little
Pammy Dawson!

1352
00:59:56,677 --> 00:59:57,718
Hello.

1353
00:59:58,804 --> 01:00:00,513
You related
to Bill Dawson?

1354
01:00:00,931 --> 01:00:03,683
Yes, he's my relative.

1355
01:00:04,434 --> 01:00:05,851
I think I remember you.

1356
01:00:06,937 --> 01:00:09,355
Did you used to have a kind
of hump on your back?

1357
01:00:10,357 --> 01:00:13,276
Yes, that was me.
I had a slight hump.

1358
01:00:13,360 --> 01:00:14,360
Really?

1359
01:00:14,444 --> 01:00:16,279
This was no slight hump.

1360
01:00:16,363 --> 01:00:17,822
The girl I'm thinking of
looked like

1361
01:00:17,906 --> 01:00:19,949
she had a damn
beach ball on her back.

1362
01:00:20,951 --> 01:00:22,785
Okay, it was a huge hump,

1363
01:00:22,869 --> 01:00:24,704
and I'm a little
sensitive about it.

1364
01:00:24,788 --> 01:00:28,165
Look, Martha,
it's Quasimodo,
all growed up.

1365
01:00:28,250 --> 01:00:31,502
How wonderful!
I thought you died.

1366
01:00:31,586 --> 01:00:34,088
No! She actually
became a school nurse.

1367
01:00:34,881 --> 01:00:35,881
You're a nurse?

1368
01:00:36,216 --> 01:00:38,175
Yes.
What should I do
about this?

1369
01:00:38,719 --> 01:00:40,219
(GRUNTING)

1370
01:00:45,934 --> 01:00:47,476
I would call Dr. Pepper.

1371
01:00:47,561 --> 01:00:48,561
Who?

1372
01:00:48,645 --> 01:00:51,439
It was so great seeing
everybody again.

1373
01:00:51,523 --> 01:00:52,732
We're going to leave now.

1374
01:00:52,899 --> 01:00:54,066
ALL: Bye.

1375
01:00:55,736 --> 01:00:57,069
Hi, mailman.
Morning.

1376
01:00:57,154 --> 01:00:58,487
How you doing?

1377
01:01:01,950 --> 01:01:03,409
Oh, my God,
there it is.

1378
01:01:03,910 --> 01:01:06,495
Blue shutters,
red door,
tire swing.

1379
01:01:06,621 --> 01:01:08,331
That's your house,
isn't it?
(LAUGHING)

1380
01:01:09,541 --> 01:01:10,833
Wouldn't you know it?

1381
01:01:11,752 --> 01:01:12,918
Come on.

1382
01:01:15,339 --> 01:01:16,339
DEEDS: Hey,
how you guys doing?

1383
01:01:16,923 --> 01:01:18,215
You know who she is?

1384
01:01:19,593 --> 01:01:20,843
She actually used to
live in this house

1385
01:01:20,927 --> 01:01:22,636
when she was
a little girl.

1386
01:01:22,721 --> 01:01:23,679
It's true.

1387
01:01:23,764 --> 01:01:25,264
DEEDS: You live here and
she used to live here.

1388
01:01:25,349 --> 01:01:26,599
You're practically cousins.

1389
01:01:27,642 --> 01:01:28,642
Wow!

1390
01:01:29,936 --> 01:01:31,687
So many memories.

1391
01:01:33,607 --> 01:01:34,940
Where to begin?

1392
01:01:35,776 --> 01:01:38,778
This is our fireplace

1393
01:01:38,862 --> 01:01:42,948
where my dad
would build fires
out of wood.

1394
01:01:43,158 --> 01:01:46,869
And this is the
dining room where we
would have our meals

1395
01:01:46,953 --> 01:01:48,120
made of food.

1396
01:01:48,789 --> 01:01:51,207
And this was
my brother's room.

1397
01:01:52,000 --> 01:01:54,085
My parents
hated my brother.

1398
01:01:54,169 --> 01:01:55,586
My daddy
built this house

1399
01:01:55,670 --> 01:01:57,755
with his bare hands
six years ago.

1400
01:01:58,757 --> 01:02:00,466
Well, your daddy is a liar.

1401
01:02:01,468 --> 01:02:02,760
How come you...

1402
01:02:02,844 --> 01:02:04,512
(CHOKING)

1403
01:02:06,139 --> 01:02:08,974
Oh. He's choking.
We should go.

1404
01:02:09,059 --> 01:02:10,684
Help.
What are you
talking about?

1405
01:02:10,769 --> 01:02:12,144
You're the nurse.
Come on, help him.

1406
01:02:12,229 --> 01:02:13,229
KIDS: Save him!

1407
01:02:13,313 --> 01:02:14,438
Stand back, kids.

1408
01:02:14,523 --> 01:02:15,689
He's gonna die!

1409
01:02:16,316 --> 01:02:18,317
Take him to the hospital!
Smack it out of him!

1410
01:02:19,069 --> 01:02:20,236
GIRL: Save him!

1411
01:02:20,320 --> 01:02:21,612
Get it out of him!

1412
01:02:21,696 --> 01:02:23,489
GIRL: Save him, please!

1413
01:02:25,158 --> 01:02:26,158
Ohh!

1414
01:02:26,952 --> 01:02:27,952
(GASPS)

1415
01:02:28,787 --> 01:02:29,870
That was amazing.

1416
01:02:29,955 --> 01:02:31,080
BOY: Thank you.

1417
01:02:31,498 --> 01:02:32,790
I saved his life.

1418
01:02:32,874 --> 01:02:33,874
Yeah.

1419
01:02:33,959 --> 01:02:35,876
You're my hero,
Nurse Dawson.

1420
01:02:41,049 --> 01:02:42,633
Thank you,
thank you.

1421
01:02:43,927 --> 01:02:45,010
Good parking job,
buddy.

1422
01:02:45,095 --> 01:02:46,137
Thanks, Deeds.

1423
01:02:46,888 --> 01:02:48,431
Testing,
testing.

1424
01:02:48,723 --> 01:02:51,058
I had such
a wonderful time.

1425
01:02:51,143 --> 01:02:53,686
Thank you for
such a great day.

1426
01:02:53,770 --> 01:02:55,146
Oh. Yeah.

1427
01:02:55,230 --> 01:02:56,981
Thanks for showing me
your town.

1428
01:02:57,065 --> 01:02:59,066
I hope sometime
to see your hometown.

1429
01:02:59,818 --> 01:03:02,528
Maybe someday
this will be
my new hometown.

1430
01:03:03,655 --> 01:03:07,283
Deeds, there's something
I have to tell you.

1431
01:03:07,367 --> 01:03:08,742
What's the matter?

1432
01:03:10,745 --> 01:03:11,745
What?

1433
01:03:13,290 --> 01:03:16,542
Go back to New Hampshire,
and enjoy being rich.

1434
01:03:17,294 --> 01:03:21,422
Just don't let anyone
hurt you anymore, okay?

1435
01:03:23,133 --> 01:03:24,216
Sucker.

1436
01:03:26,970 --> 01:03:27,970
Pam.

1437
01:03:30,432 --> 01:03:34,059
I made a card for you.
It's kind of dumb.

1438
01:03:34,144 --> 01:03:36,312
I never worked on
anything harder, though,

1439
01:03:36,396 --> 01:03:38,105
so don't laugh at me.

1440
01:03:39,858 --> 01:03:42,359
Remember we went
to the restaurant
that first night,

1441
01:03:42,444 --> 01:03:43,903
and you ordered
chicken parmesan?

1442
01:03:44,529 --> 01:03:46,489
So I drew you a plate.

1443
01:03:46,990 --> 01:03:49,450
There's the chicken
and the cheese

1444
01:03:50,410 --> 01:03:51,827
and the linguini.
That actually took me

1445
01:03:51,912 --> 01:03:53,454
a long tim
e with the squigglies.

1446
01:03:55,081 --> 01:03:56,248
It's beautiful.

1447
01:03:56,583 --> 01:03:58,626
There's a poem
inside for you.

1448
01:04:01,463 --> 01:04:03,047
(CLEARS THROAT)

1449
01:04:03,381 --> 01:04:06,133
(VOICE BREAKING)
"Hard to breathe,
feels like floating

1450
01:04:07,135 --> 01:04:10,429
"So full of love,
my heart's exploding

1451
01:04:12,432 --> 01:04:14,892
"Mouth is dry,
hands are shaking

1452
01:04:16,102 --> 01:04:18,395
"My heart is yours
for the taking

1453
01:04:20,106 --> 01:04:22,775
"Acting weird,
not myself

1454
01:04:24,694 --> 01:04:28,113
(SOBBING) "Dancing around
like the Keebler Elf"

1455
01:04:28,698 --> 01:04:29,865
That was funny.

1456
01:04:32,118 --> 01:04:35,120
"Finally time for
this poor schlub

1457
01:04:35,580 --> 01:04:38,457
"To know how it feels
to fall in lub"

1458
01:04:39,626 --> 01:04:42,002
Couldn't think
of anything else that
rhymes with "schlub."

1459
01:04:42,837 --> 01:04:44,505
"Rub" and "tub"
didn't work.

1460
01:04:52,889 --> 01:04:53,889
Wow!

1461
01:04:54,516 --> 01:04:56,225
I'm sorry, Deeds.

1462
01:04:58,436 --> 01:05:00,271
I'm really sorry.

1463
01:05:00,355 --> 01:05:02,982
Don't be sorry,
that was unbelievable.

1464
01:05:05,402 --> 01:05:06,402
Oh. (LAUGHS)

1465
01:05:07,028 --> 01:05:10,906
Hi, Mrs. Finch and Atticus.

1466
01:05:11,825 --> 01:05:13,158
Sleep well.

1467
01:05:17,497 --> 01:05:19,248
Al, I'm gonna walk home.

1468
01:05:19,332 --> 01:05:20,374
AL: Okay, Deeds.

1469
01:05:23,211 --> 01:05:25,337
(CRYING)

1470
01:05:26,339 --> 01:05:27,339
Whoo!

1471
01:05:28,133 --> 01:05:29,967
Ow!
(CAR ALARM RINGING)

1472
01:05:30,176 --> 01:05:32,177
I love New York!

1473
01:05:32,512 --> 01:05:34,054
MAN: Nobody cares!

1474
01:05:41,688 --> 01:05:43,188
I'm in love with him.

1475
01:05:44,524 --> 01:05:45,691
And I'm going to
see him tonight,

1476
01:05:45,775 --> 01:05:47,860
and I'm telling him
everything.

1477
01:05:49,529 --> 01:05:50,863
He'll probably
punch you in the face.

1478
01:05:51,197 --> 01:05:52,615
I kind of hope he does.

1479
01:05:52,699 --> 01:05:55,200
Come on, Babe,
snap out of it.

1480
01:05:55,285 --> 01:05:58,203
You really want to
throw all this away
for a dipshit like that?

1481
01:05:58,872 --> 01:06:00,539
He's not a dipshit.

1482
01:06:00,624 --> 01:06:03,375
He's a goodhearted guy
who we think is a weirdo

1483
01:06:03,460 --> 01:06:07,212
because he doesn't
share our sense of
ironic detachment.

1484
01:06:07,714 --> 01:06:10,341
All this hip, snide,
smart-alecky...

1485
01:06:10,425 --> 01:06:11,467
Bullshit?

1486
01:06:11,718 --> 01:06:13,177
Yes, bullshit.

1487
01:06:13,803 --> 01:06:18,015
Well, in a few moments,
I'm gonna put on
my Versace overcoat,

1488
01:06:18,099 --> 01:06:21,769
get into my Mercedes,
drive to my Fifth Avenue
apartment,

1489
01:06:21,895 --> 01:06:25,356
and squeeze
my girlfriend's
big, fake boobs.

1490
01:06:25,899 --> 01:06:29,693
And that bullshit
you're talking about
paid for all of it.

1491
01:06:30,403 --> 01:06:33,364
Good for you, Mac.
But I'm still telling him.

1492
01:06:33,907 --> 01:06:34,948
Well.

1493
01:06:36,618 --> 01:06:38,744
Babe Bennett falls in love.

1494
01:06:39,954 --> 01:06:42,456
I'm happy for you. I am.

1495
01:06:43,708 --> 01:06:47,920
Gonna miss you, Babe.
Something fierce.

1496
01:07:16,950 --> 01:07:18,200
You think
she's gonna
like this?

1497
01:07:19,202 --> 01:07:20,244
All right.

1498
01:07:20,328 --> 01:07:23,455
Chicken parmesan?
Terrific, thank you.

1499
01:07:24,332 --> 01:07:25,582
Let's hear it.

1500
01:07:25,667 --> 01:07:27,668
(PLAYING CLASSICAL MUSIC)

1501
01:07:28,878 --> 01:07:30,295
She gonna like that,
Mr. Deeds.

1502
01:07:30,380 --> 01:07:31,505
Okay.

1503
01:07:32,340 --> 01:07:34,967
Emilio,
it looks beautiful.
Thank you.

1504
01:07:35,301 --> 01:07:36,301
Okay.

1505
01:07:39,013 --> 01:07:40,723
Think these roses might
be a little too high.

1506
01:07:40,807 --> 01:07:41,849
I won't be
able to see her.

1507
01:07:41,975 --> 01:07:43,642
Do we have
anything smaller?
Yes, sir.

1508
01:07:44,310 --> 01:07:45,310
Okay.

1509
01:07:46,062 --> 01:07:47,062
Byron?

1510
01:07:47,939 --> 01:07:49,064
That's terrific.

1511
01:07:49,816 --> 01:07:52,109
Would you mind sitting
down for a second?
Yes, sir.

1512
01:07:54,863 --> 01:07:56,822
Say something to me.
Pretend that you're her.

1513
01:07:57,115 --> 01:07:58,115
Me, sir?

1514
01:07:58,366 --> 01:07:59,366
Please.

1515
01:08:00,201 --> 01:08:01,410
Well.

1516
01:08:02,495 --> 01:08:04,246
It's nice of you
to have invited me

1517
01:08:04,330 --> 01:08:05,831
to dine with you
this evening.

1518
01:08:06,207 --> 01:08:07,499
It's my pleasure.

1519
01:08:08,001 --> 01:08:09,209
Actually, you're
a little too tall.

1520
01:08:09,294 --> 01:08:10,335
Can you slink down?

1521
01:08:12,464 --> 01:08:13,422
Like this?

1522
01:08:13,506 --> 01:08:14,673
That's good.

1523
01:08:15,049 --> 01:08:18,510
This is one of
the best dates
I've ever been on.

1524
01:08:19,679 --> 01:08:21,847
You make me
feel very special.

1525
01:08:22,515 --> 01:08:25,017
You make me feel
very special, too.

1526
01:08:25,393 --> 01:08:27,686
That's why I got
this for you.

1527
01:08:28,146 --> 01:08:29,146
Okay, could you
lean forward?

1528
01:08:34,652 --> 01:08:36,236
I really like you a lot.

1529
01:08:36,321 --> 01:08:37,654
I like you, too.

1530
01:08:38,031 --> 01:08:41,575
I can't stop
thinking about you.

1531
01:08:42,035 --> 01:08:43,327
Please let me
touch your feet.

1532
01:08:44,370 --> 01:08:47,039
Okay, this is getting weird.
You can stand up now.

1533
01:08:50,293 --> 01:08:51,293
Deeds!

1534
01:08:51,586 --> 01:08:52,628
Fellows!

1535
01:08:53,213 --> 01:08:55,672
We wanted to come by
and wish you the best
on your big night.

1536
01:08:55,757 --> 01:08:57,549
Thanks a lot.
I'm so nervous.

1537
01:08:57,634 --> 01:08:59,718
I never asked anybody
to marry me before.

1538
01:09:00,053 --> 01:09:02,638
It's 7:30, time
for Inside Access.

1539
01:09:02,722 --> 01:09:05,224
We're not in for any more
nasty surprises, are we?

1540
01:09:05,683 --> 01:09:08,018
I don't think so.
I haven't done
anything stupid all day.

1541
01:09:08,102 --> 01:09:09,144
I've been here.

1542
01:09:09,229 --> 01:09:11,146
Let's see what kind of
lame show they put on

1543
01:09:11,231 --> 01:09:13,607
when they don't have
Deeds to pick on.

1544
01:09:13,691 --> 01:09:14,691
Excuse me!

1545
01:09:15,819 --> 01:09:18,028
Could you put on
Channel 8, please?

1546
01:09:18,404 --> 01:09:19,655
You got it.

1547
01:09:22,116 --> 01:09:25,077
ON SCREEN: Welcome to
Inside Access.
I'm Mac McGrath.

1548
01:09:25,537 --> 01:09:29,331
All of us here at IA
take pride in our
ability to handle

1549
01:09:29,415 --> 01:09:32,292
every story
with sensitivity
and empathy...

1550
01:09:32,377 --> 01:09:33,460
Okay, pal.

1551
01:09:33,545 --> 01:09:35,879
...while maintaining
an appropriate
journalistic distance.

1552
01:09:35,964 --> 01:09:40,509
But what happens when
a reporter becomes part
of what she's reporting?

1553
01:09:40,593 --> 01:09:44,638
What happens
when a journalist falls
in love with an idiot?

1554
01:09:45,682 --> 01:09:48,350
That's Longfellow Deeds
with Pam Dawson.

1555
01:09:48,434 --> 01:09:50,602
I can't believe
they dragged her in this.
28-year-old school nurse

1556
01:09:50,687 --> 01:09:54,064
who recently moved
to New York City from
Winchestertonfieldville, Iowa.

1557
01:09:54,274 --> 01:09:56,233
But wait.
Doesn't Pam Dawson

1558
01:09:56,317 --> 01:09:59,611
bear a striking resemblance
to Babe Bennett,

1559
01:09:59,904 --> 01:10:02,364
a producer here
at Inside Access?

1560
01:10:02,448 --> 01:10:05,117
In fact, the two are
one and the same.

1561
01:10:05,201 --> 01:10:06,994
MAC: Hey, we're gonna
wire your apartment

1562
01:10:07,078 --> 01:10:08,871
with state-of-the-art
surveillance video.

1563
01:10:09,497 --> 01:10:10,789
BABE ON SCREEN:
Sounds good.

1564
01:10:11,666 --> 01:10:12,791
BABE: Deeds.

1565
01:10:19,799 --> 01:10:22,968
I came here to
try to explain.

1566
01:10:52,081 --> 01:10:54,625
I'm the biggest sucker
in the world, fellows.

1567
01:10:55,335 --> 01:10:56,835
This town can be brutal.

1568
01:10:57,670 --> 01:10:59,129
I don't belong here.

1569
01:10:59,213 --> 01:11:01,840
I can't run the company,
I can't even run
my own damn life.

1570
01:11:01,966 --> 01:11:04,551
Well, sure you can.
The good news is
the papers are ready.

1571
01:11:04,636 --> 01:11:06,136
So once you sign them,
we'll get our stock,

1572
01:11:06,220 --> 01:11:08,138
and you'll get
your $40 billion.

1573
01:11:08,222 --> 01:11:11,600
I don't want that money.
Just give it to a charity.

1574
01:11:11,684 --> 01:11:12,893
What's a good charity?

1575
01:11:12,977 --> 01:11:15,437
The United Negro
College Fund?

1576
01:11:15,855 --> 01:11:17,522
Okay, give it
to those guys.

1577
01:11:23,529 --> 01:11:24,988
Can we give you
a ride to the airport?

1578
01:11:25,073 --> 01:11:26,949
The company chopper
will take you home.

1579
01:11:27,033 --> 01:11:29,993
Thanks, anyway.
I'll be all right
on my own.

1580
01:11:30,787 --> 01:11:31,787
Nice meeting you all.

1581
01:11:31,871 --> 01:11:33,872
Nice meeting you, Deeds.

1582
01:11:37,210 --> 01:11:38,418
Goodbye!

1583
01:11:38,544 --> 01:11:40,128
(ECHOING)

1584
01:11:40,213 --> 01:11:41,254
Goodbye.

1585
01:12:24,841 --> 01:12:25,841
(CRYING)

1586
01:12:25,925 --> 01:12:29,428
Not right.
It's not right.

1587
01:12:30,221 --> 01:12:31,596
Hmm.

1588
01:12:35,852 --> 01:12:37,185
(GROANING)

1589
01:12:54,412 --> 01:12:55,620
Oh. Hi.

1590
01:12:56,289 --> 01:12:58,373
You must be Jan.
My name is...

1591
01:12:58,458 --> 01:12:59,708
I know who you are.

1592
01:13:00,543 --> 01:13:04,671
Wham-bam Dawson.
AKA Little Miss Slut-Slut.

1593
01:13:05,465 --> 01:13:08,133
(SIGHS) Okay,
I deserve that.

1594
01:13:08,217 --> 01:13:10,052
Do you have any idea
how much you hurt him?

1595
01:13:10,762 --> 01:13:12,637
You're not getting
anywhere near that boy.

1596
01:13:12,972 --> 01:13:14,890
I have to find him,

1597
01:13:14,974 --> 01:13:16,725
and there's nothing
you can do to stop me.

1598
01:13:18,603 --> 01:13:20,645
There's a lot I can
do to stop you.

1599
01:13:20,730 --> 01:13:23,231
He needs to know
how bad I feel.

1600
01:13:23,316 --> 01:13:25,400
And that I would go
to the end of the earth.

1601
01:13:25,485 --> 01:13:26,818
I would do anything,

1602
01:13:26,903 --> 01:13:29,154
anything to take back
what I did to him.

1603
01:13:29,822 --> 01:13:31,573
I'm sorry,
all I heard was,

1604
01:13:31,657 --> 01:13:33,533
"Blah, blah, blah,
I'm a dirty tramp."

1605
01:13:33,910 --> 01:13:34,910
(GROANS)

1606
01:13:34,994 --> 01:13:36,161
Tell you what.

1607
01:13:36,496 --> 01:13:38,121
You get by me,

1608
01:13:38,247 --> 01:13:39,539
(KNUCKLES CRACKING)

1609
01:13:39,624 --> 01:13:41,291
I'll tell you
where he is.

1610
01:13:41,626 --> 01:13:43,710
(NECK CRACKING)

1611
01:13:46,380 --> 01:13:48,381
Whoo! Feeling crazy!

1612
01:13:50,176 --> 01:13:51,593
Okay.

1613
01:13:51,677 --> 01:13:52,803
Come to Mama.

1614
01:13:54,347 --> 01:13:55,597
(EXHALES)

1615
01:13:57,642 --> 01:13:58,892
(COUGHS) Ow!

1616
01:13:59,435 --> 01:14:01,770
I was a rodeo clown
for six years.

1617
01:14:01,854 --> 01:14:03,688
You're gonna have to
step it up a notch, shorty.

1618
01:14:04,148 --> 01:14:05,357
You mean like this?

1619
01:14:05,608 --> 01:14:07,067
(GROANING)

1620
01:14:08,361 --> 01:14:09,402
(LAUGHING)

1621
01:14:10,071 --> 01:14:13,240
Where were you kicking?
I ain't got no balls, dummy!

1622
01:14:13,741 --> 01:14:15,617
(BABE SCREAMING)

1623
01:14:15,701 --> 01:14:17,786
Please. Put me down!
You got it!

1624
01:14:22,750 --> 01:14:24,126
BABE: Just tell me
where Deeds is.

1625
01:14:24,210 --> 01:14:26,628
JAN: Bring your bony
ass over here. Whoo!

1626
01:14:27,255 --> 01:14:30,924
I want to cut you
into eight slices
of bitcheroni.

1627
01:14:41,018 --> 01:14:42,102
(SIGHS)

1628
01:14:45,148 --> 01:14:46,398
Are you all right?

1629
01:14:47,441 --> 01:14:49,818
Good kick, honey.
Good kick.

1630
01:14:53,573 --> 01:14:54,948
Crazy Eyes!

1631
01:14:59,453 --> 01:15:00,453
Oh.

1632
01:15:02,165 --> 01:15:03,915
All right.
Here you go.

1633
01:15:04,417 --> 01:15:06,543
Peanut butter
and gumballs.
Nice combo.

1634
01:15:07,086 --> 01:15:08,336
Don't worry about
what happened.

1635
01:15:08,546 --> 01:15:10,172
Time heals all things.

1636
01:15:11,591 --> 01:15:13,133
Except these crazy eyes.

1637
01:15:13,718 --> 01:15:15,927
Well, it's good
to be home.
I know that much.

1638
01:15:16,637 --> 01:15:17,846
I wasn't talking
to you, Deeds.

1639
01:15:17,930 --> 01:15:19,681
I was talking to that
squirrel over there.

1640
01:15:19,807 --> 01:15:20,807
Oh.

1641
01:15:23,019 --> 01:15:25,187
Although it is a shame
about that Cedar fellow

1642
01:15:25,271 --> 01:15:26,438
tearing apart your
uncle's company,

1643
01:15:26,564 --> 01:15:28,648
and firing all
those nice people.

1644
01:15:28,733 --> 01:15:29,774
Where'd you hear that?

1645
01:15:29,859 --> 01:15:31,818
I watch the stock market
channel all the time.

1646
01:15:32,612 --> 01:15:36,615
I just watch 'cause
I suspect that anchorman of
being an evil leprechaun.

1647
01:15:36,699 --> 01:15:37,866
He can bullshit
everybody else,

1648
01:15:37,950 --> 01:15:39,367
but he ain't
fooling me.

1649
01:15:43,831 --> 01:15:46,208
There it is. Okay.

1650
01:15:48,377 --> 01:15:49,377
(SCREAMS)

1651
01:15:50,880 --> 01:15:52,172
(GASPING)

1652
01:15:54,800 --> 01:15:55,800
Somebody help me!

1653
01:15:56,177 --> 01:15:57,177
Help!

1654
01:16:02,975 --> 01:16:04,809
Deeds! Help!

1655
01:16:06,479 --> 01:16:07,479
Deeds!

1656
01:16:07,813 --> 01:16:09,272
Help! Oh, God!

1657
01:16:09,649 --> 01:16:10,857
Deeds!

1658
01:16:21,619 --> 01:16:22,702
Oh, my God!

1659
01:16:23,496 --> 01:16:26,665
Deeds! Deeds!

1660
01:16:29,168 --> 01:16:30,585
(PANTING)

1661
01:16:32,255 --> 01:16:34,589
Where do you got
the camera hidden,
in the woods?

1662
01:16:34,674 --> 01:16:35,924
No camera.

1663
01:16:36,008 --> 01:16:38,635
(SHUDDERING)
I'm so cold.
Please!

1664
01:16:38,719 --> 01:16:40,595
You gonna get mugged
in there, too?

1665
01:16:40,680 --> 01:16:43,598
I'm so sorry.

1666
01:16:44,308 --> 01:16:47,352
I really love you.

1667
01:16:48,521 --> 01:16:49,604
Bullshit!

1668
01:16:55,319 --> 01:16:59,698
Hey.

1669
01:17:04,495 --> 01:17:05,495
Oh!

1670
01:17:09,709 --> 01:17:11,001
(MUFFLED GROANING)

1671
01:17:15,381 --> 01:17:16,756
I'm coming!

1672
01:17:19,051 --> 01:17:21,553
Go down! Go down!

1673
01:17:21,846 --> 01:17:23,680
Here comes
the black foot.

1674
01:17:25,391 --> 01:17:26,558
No!

1675
01:17:30,521 --> 01:17:32,188
I know it's gross,
but grab it.

1676
01:17:34,900 --> 01:17:35,900
Okay.

1677
01:17:37,236 --> 01:17:39,321
I got you. I got you.

1678
01:17:39,739 --> 01:17:42,490
(GASPING)
Oh, God, your foot.
It's disgusting!

1679
01:17:42,575 --> 01:17:44,409
I know, I know.
Come here.

1680
01:17:44,994 --> 01:17:47,620
Come on, you okay?
You okay?

1681
01:17:48,331 --> 01:17:49,581
I think so.

1682
01:17:53,044 --> 01:17:55,628
You didn't really fall
out of an apple tree,
did you?

1683
01:17:57,923 --> 01:17:58,923
No.

1684
01:18:01,510 --> 01:18:03,053
But I really love you.

1685
01:18:05,097 --> 01:18:07,265
I don't even know
who you are.

1686
01:18:08,184 --> 01:18:09,559
I'm sorry.

1687
01:18:36,212 --> 01:18:38,296
I am so sorry.

1688
01:18:46,055 --> 01:18:47,555
ANCHORMAN ON TV:
A company in tatters.

1689
01:18:47,640 --> 01:18:50,517
Preston Blake's great legacy
gone to the highest bidder.

1690
01:18:50,768 --> 01:18:52,685
The shocking announcement
from Chuck Cedar today

1691
01:18:52,770 --> 01:18:54,437
confirmed that Blake Media

1692
01:18:54,522 --> 01:18:57,649
will be stripped down
and sold off piece by piece.

1693
01:18:57,733 --> 01:18:59,067
The only man
who could stand up

1694
01:18:59,151 --> 01:19:00,902
to Mr. Cedar
and save the company,

1695
01:19:00,986 --> 01:19:03,154
Longfellow Deeds,
has apparently given up

1696
01:19:03,239 --> 01:19:05,532
his voting rights
and left the city.

1697
01:19:06,117 --> 01:19:08,576
The sale is expected to pass
with unanimous consent

1698
01:19:08,661 --> 01:19:10,703
at the annual
stockholders' meeting

1699
01:19:10,788 --> 01:19:13,039
here in New York
tomorrow afternoon.

1700
01:19:13,124 --> 01:19:14,707
Sources indicate
that virtually

1701
01:19:14,792 --> 01:19:16,835
all of Blake's
50,000 employees

1702
01:19:16,919 --> 01:19:18,837
are likely to
lose their jobs.

1703
01:19:19,422 --> 01:19:21,506
Hey, wait a minute.
I'm a Blake employee.

1704
01:19:22,216 --> 01:19:25,009
Holy shit!
This sucks.

1705
01:19:26,554 --> 01:19:29,931
Ladies and gentlemen,
the bottom line is
that this divestiture

1706
01:19:30,015 --> 01:19:32,600
will result in
every shareholder,

1707
01:19:32,685 --> 01:19:35,019
all of you and
myself included,

1708
01:19:35,479 --> 01:19:38,523
getting a substantial
premium for our shares.

1709
01:19:40,234 --> 01:19:41,443
But before we vote,

1710
01:19:41,527 --> 01:19:43,778
the company bylaws
require me to
open the floor

1711
01:19:43,863 --> 01:19:45,280
to shareholders
for statements

1712
01:19:45,364 --> 01:19:47,657
either for or against
this buyout plan.

1713
01:19:48,075 --> 01:19:50,493
Does anyone wish
to make a statement?

1714
01:19:50,578 --> 01:19:51,828
(GASPS)
Dismantling this company

1715
01:19:51,912 --> 01:19:54,289
would be an insult
to a great man.

1716
01:19:54,957 --> 01:19:56,040
You scared me.

1717
01:19:56,542 --> 01:19:58,293
It is an unspeakable outrage,

1718
01:19:58,377 --> 01:20:00,128
and it cannot be
allowed to happen.

1719
01:20:01,630 --> 01:20:03,423
(PEOPLE EXCLAIMING)

1720
01:20:04,550 --> 01:20:05,675
DEEDS: Excuse me.

1721
01:20:05,759 --> 01:20:06,759
I got a statement.

1722
01:20:07,052 --> 01:20:08,386
(PEOPLE EXCLAIMING)

1723
01:20:09,555 --> 01:20:11,139
CHUCK: Longfellow Deeds.

1724
01:20:11,223 --> 01:20:14,642
Unfortunately,
since you sold me
your 300 million shares,

1725
01:20:14,727 --> 01:20:16,227
you have no right
to speak at this meeting.

1726
01:20:16,520 --> 01:20:17,812
Well, unfortunately for you,

1727
01:20:17,897 --> 01:20:20,398
I bought one share of
Blake Media this morning.

1728
01:20:20,608 --> 01:20:23,651
You told me
every stockholder has
a say in this company.

1729
01:20:23,736 --> 01:20:24,819
Even the little guy.

1730
01:20:27,698 --> 01:20:29,240
You've got two minutes,
Deeds, but just remember,

1731
01:20:29,325 --> 01:20:31,284
I now control 49%
of this company.

1732
01:20:31,368 --> 01:20:32,952
So you're gonna
have to persuade

1733
01:20:33,037 --> 01:20:36,498
just about everyone else
to start hating money.

1734
01:20:36,749 --> 01:20:38,166
(PEOPLE LAUGHING)

1735
01:20:44,673 --> 01:20:46,883
Hello, everybody.
I'm Deeds.

1736
01:20:47,760 --> 01:20:50,261
For a little while,
I was a big part
of this company.

1737
01:20:50,346 --> 01:20:51,387
(LAUGHS)

1738
01:20:51,472 --> 01:20:53,765
I was wicked rich
and powerful.

1739
01:20:54,517 --> 01:20:56,935
Now, being
rich and powerful
isn't a bad thing.

1740
01:20:58,395 --> 01:21:00,104
It looks like
the Monopoly guy
over there

1741
01:21:00,189 --> 01:21:01,606
is pretty darned
psyched about it.

1742
01:21:03,275 --> 01:21:06,236
But the problem is
what can happen
when you decide

1743
01:21:06,320 --> 01:21:08,530
that you would do
absolutely anything

1744
01:21:08,614 --> 01:21:10,823
to become rich
and powerful.

1745
01:21:10,908 --> 01:21:13,493
I don't know who licked
the red off your lollipop
today, son,

1746
01:21:13,577 --> 01:21:15,245
but you are preaching
to the wrong choir.

1747
01:21:15,329 --> 01:21:16,412
(PEOPLE LAUGHING)

1748
01:21:16,497 --> 01:21:18,540
All I'm saying is,
when you were kids,

1749
01:21:18,624 --> 01:21:22,043
did you dream about becoming
a savvy investor one day

1750
01:21:22,127 --> 01:21:24,420
who would
think with his wallet
instead of his heart?

1751
01:21:26,298 --> 01:21:29,968
Come on, I know I didn't.
I wanted to be a fireman.

1752
01:21:31,011 --> 01:21:34,722
I wanted to be the guy
everybody called on
if they were in trouble.

1753
01:21:34,807 --> 01:21:36,432
I wanted to help people,

1754
01:21:36,517 --> 01:21:39,477
and yeah,
I wanted to slide down
those wicked awesome poles.

1755
01:21:39,562 --> 01:21:40,937
(PEOPLE CHUCKLING)

1756
01:21:41,021 --> 01:21:44,440
But money, that was
the last thing
I thought about.

1757
01:21:45,484 --> 01:21:48,528
What about you, sir?
Did you want
to be a fireman?

1758
01:21:48,612 --> 01:21:49,946
No, I did not.

1759
01:21:51,532 --> 01:21:53,449
Truth be told,
I wanted to be
a veterinarian.

1760
01:21:53,742 --> 01:21:56,202
Cool. Why would
you want to do that?

1761
01:21:57,204 --> 01:21:58,329
I wanted to help
sick animals.

1762
01:21:58,664 --> 01:21:59,747
And what do you do now?

1763
01:22:00,499 --> 01:22:02,500
I own a chain of
slaughterhouses.

1764
01:22:02,918 --> 01:22:05,086
Okay. You kind of
went the other way on
that one, didn't you?

1765
01:22:06,880 --> 01:22:08,673
Okay. In the back.
Come on.

1766
01:22:09,008 --> 01:22:10,383
Tell me what
you wanted to be.

1767
01:22:10,467 --> 01:22:12,677
I wanted to be
a magician.

1768
01:22:14,305 --> 01:22:15,305
And what do you do now?

1769
01:22:16,098 --> 01:22:18,516
I operate
a pornographic website.

1770
01:22:19,101 --> 01:22:21,269
That makes people
happy also, I guess.

1771
01:22:21,353 --> 01:22:23,187
But kind of in
a grosser way.

1772
01:22:24,440 --> 01:22:26,774
Who else?
I wanted to be a senator.

1773
01:22:27,359 --> 01:22:28,526
I wanted to be a florist.

1774
01:22:28,652 --> 01:22:31,112
International House Pancake.

1775
01:22:31,614 --> 01:22:33,364
JAN: I wanted to be a man.

1776
01:22:35,451 --> 01:22:37,327
Huh. That explains a lot.

1777
01:22:37,911 --> 01:22:40,496
I wanted to be
a ping-pong champion.

1778
01:22:43,042 --> 01:22:46,294
But you're not those things
you wanted to be, are you?

1779
01:22:46,378 --> 01:22:47,962
Everybody made
a compromise,

1780
01:22:48,047 --> 01:22:50,173
then another compromise,
and now,

1781
01:22:50,257 --> 01:22:52,800
you're about to put
50,000 people out of work

1782
01:22:52,885 --> 01:22:54,969
just to make
a quick buck?
Come on.

1783
01:22:55,679 --> 01:22:58,931
I bet if we ran into
the sixth grade versions
of ourselves right now,

1784
01:22:59,016 --> 01:23:00,600
they would kick our asses
all over the place,

1785
01:23:00,684 --> 01:23:02,060
and put Bubble Yum
in our hair

1786
01:23:02,144 --> 01:23:03,645
for even thinking
about doing this.

1787
01:23:06,398 --> 01:23:09,317
He's right. I would've
beat my greedy ass red.

1788
01:23:09,401 --> 01:23:11,486
I would've thrown myself
off the merry-go-round.

1789
01:23:11,570 --> 01:23:13,613
I would've tied myself
naked to a chair

1790
01:23:13,697 --> 01:23:15,490
and burned myself
with lit cigarettes.

1791
01:23:17,534 --> 01:23:20,495
Did anybody here dream
about becoming
a psychiatrist?

1792
01:23:20,579 --> 01:23:22,163
Just kidding, pal.

1793
01:23:22,915 --> 01:23:25,667
There's still hope
for the kids
inside of all of us.

1794
01:23:25,751 --> 01:23:28,419
Please don't break up
my uncle's company.

1795
01:23:30,589 --> 01:23:31,923
I always wanted
to do that.

1796
01:23:43,060 --> 01:23:44,060
Well...

1797
01:23:45,354 --> 01:23:46,771
That was very
touching, Deeds.

1798
01:23:47,940 --> 01:23:50,191
It appears
this divestiture
has been defeated.

1799
01:23:50,984 --> 01:23:52,610
Unless I'm forgetting
something.

1800
01:23:53,445 --> 01:23:55,863
(SIGHS)
My 300 million votes

1801
01:23:55,948 --> 01:23:59,534
plus the five million votes
I control as proxy for
the foreign investors.

1802
01:23:59,868 --> 01:24:02,120
So which way should
I vote my 51%?

1803
01:24:03,997 --> 01:24:05,248
I vote aye.

1804
01:24:05,708 --> 01:24:08,126
305 million times.

1805
01:24:09,169 --> 01:24:10,253
The ayes have it.

1806
01:24:10,546 --> 01:24:13,005
And Blake Media
is no more.

1807
01:24:13,090 --> 01:24:14,966
BABE: Not so fast,
Chuck.

1808
01:24:16,135 --> 01:24:17,719
Too bad for you,
when I was a kid,

1809
01:24:17,803 --> 01:24:19,429
I wanted to be
a good reporter.

1810
01:24:19,513 --> 01:24:22,306
Miss Bennett,
I wasn't aware that
you were a stockholder.

1811
01:24:22,391 --> 01:24:24,559
There's a couple things
you're not aware of.

1812
01:24:24,643 --> 01:24:26,728
Like how to tweeze
your eyebrows,
for instance.

1813
01:24:27,688 --> 01:24:30,231
Also, when Deeds
gave away his fortune,

1814
01:24:30,315 --> 01:24:32,316
he gave away something
that wasn't his.

1815
01:24:33,652 --> 01:24:34,694
What are you
talking about?

1816
01:24:34,778 --> 01:24:38,156
I have here the diary
of Preston Blake.

1817
01:24:40,743 --> 01:24:42,785
I stole it and read it.
Please don't be mad at me.

1818
01:24:42,870 --> 01:24:45,455
I did it for good
reasons, I promise.

1819
01:24:46,165 --> 01:24:49,208
I would like
to read a passage
from Mr. Blake's diary

1820
01:24:49,293 --> 01:24:51,836
dated April 12, 1957.

1821
01:24:52,880 --> 01:24:55,047
"I am a volcano of lust."

1822
01:24:55,299 --> 01:24:58,968
BLAKE: I've gotten
this far in business
by following my heart.

1823
01:24:59,553 --> 01:25:02,805
And I must follow it
now in love.

1824
01:25:04,850 --> 01:25:08,352
If she just gives me
a sign, an opening.

1825
01:25:08,812 --> 01:25:11,355
Want me to wipe the leaves
on your ficus tree, Mr. Blake?

1826
01:25:13,275 --> 01:25:15,026
You can call me Preston.

1827
01:25:16,987 --> 01:25:20,865
(NERVOUSLY) Want me
to wipe the leaves
on your ficus tree, Preston?

1828
01:25:22,451 --> 01:25:23,451
Yes.

1829
01:25:24,453 --> 01:25:25,495
(CLEARS THROAT)

1830
01:25:25,579 --> 01:25:26,579
Yes.

1831
01:25:27,498 --> 01:25:28,498
Yes!

1832
01:25:29,666 --> 01:25:31,334
BABE: Who was this
mystery woman?

1833
01:25:31,877 --> 01:25:33,961
I have here the
Blake Media ledger

1834
01:25:34,046 --> 01:25:36,506
sign-in book
from April, 1957.

1835
01:25:37,132 --> 01:25:38,800
On the night
of the 12th,

1836
01:25:38,884 --> 01:25:42,220
there was only
one woman working on
Preston Blake's floor.

1837
01:25:42,513 --> 01:25:45,306
Sadly, nine months
later, she died,

1838
01:25:45,390 --> 01:25:46,974
giving birth to a son.

1839
01:25:47,434 --> 01:25:48,935
A son born

1840
01:25:49,394 --> 01:25:52,522
January 23, 1958.

1841
01:25:53,065 --> 01:25:54,440
That is my birthday.

1842
01:25:54,733 --> 01:25:56,901
To Miss Consuela Lopez.

1843
01:25:57,528 --> 01:25:58,820
That is my mother.

1844
01:25:59,071 --> 01:26:01,864
And the rightful heir
to $40 billion!

1845
01:26:02,366 --> 01:26:03,825
That is my money?

1846
01:26:03,992 --> 01:26:06,494
A simple DNA test
will show

1847
01:26:06,578 --> 01:26:10,581
that Emilio Lopez is
the majority stockholder
to Blake Media.

1848
01:26:10,916 --> 01:26:11,958
It is my money!

1849
01:26:12,042 --> 01:26:13,042
That's your money!

1850
01:26:13,126 --> 01:26:14,669
That is my money!

1851
01:26:14,753 --> 01:26:15,753
(EXCLAIMING)

1852
01:26:16,380 --> 01:26:17,880
DEEDS: Way to go,
Emilio!

1853
01:26:17,965 --> 01:26:20,383
I will do good things,
good things for everyone.

1854
01:26:21,009 --> 01:26:23,135
Free flamenco
lessons for all.

1855
01:26:23,220 --> 01:26:25,388
People, people! Please!

1856
01:26:25,472 --> 01:26:26,681
That is my money.

1857
01:26:26,765 --> 01:26:29,100
Don't be misled.
These are all lies.

1858
01:26:29,268 --> 01:26:30,309
Mr. Cedar.

1859
01:26:30,435 --> 01:26:31,435
Huh?

1860
01:26:31,520 --> 01:26:32,687
You are fired.

1861
01:26:33,105 --> 01:26:34,856
You can't fire me!

1862
01:26:35,274 --> 01:26:36,774
I'm in control!

1863
01:26:37,276 --> 01:26:38,985
Get your hands off me!
I'm Chuck Cedar!

1864
01:26:39,778 --> 01:26:41,362
At the lake,
when you saved my life,

1865
01:26:41,446 --> 01:26:43,865
which I never got a chance
to properly thank you for...

1866
01:26:43,991 --> 01:26:46,367
You're welcome.
You said that you didn't
know who I was.

1867
01:26:46,451 --> 01:26:49,161
And it made me realize
I don't know who I am.

1868
01:26:49,246 --> 01:26:52,999
So I started working on it,
and here's what I got so far.

1869
01:26:53,083 --> 01:26:54,542
My name is Babe Bennett.

1870
01:26:54,626 --> 01:26:56,711
I grew up in Syosset,
Long Island.

1871
01:26:56,795 --> 01:26:58,004
I have brown eyes

1872
01:26:58,088 --> 01:27:00,590
and I don't know
what my natural
hair color is anymore.

1873
01:27:01,174 --> 01:27:04,135
When I was in fifth grade,
I got a crush
on Walter Cronkite.

1874
01:27:04,219 --> 01:27:06,262
And I really did have
that Holly Hobbie notebook

1875
01:27:06,346 --> 01:27:07,555
I was telling you about.

1876
01:27:07,973 --> 01:27:10,683
I love Bruce Springsteen,
Almond ROCA,

1877
01:27:10,767 --> 01:27:12,310
and Abbott and Costello
movies.

1878
01:27:12,394 --> 01:27:14,478
I don't like licorice
or my ankles.

1879
01:27:15,063 --> 01:27:18,399
More importantly, I know
that I messed up real bad.

1880
01:27:18,483 --> 01:27:21,319
And I'd be willing to spend
the rest of my life

1881
01:27:21,403 --> 01:27:23,446
begging you to give me
another chance

1882
01:27:23,906 --> 01:27:27,158
because I am so deeply
in love with you,

1883
01:27:27,242 --> 01:27:30,661
and I know that
it's definitely that
forever kind of love...

1884
01:27:30,746 --> 01:27:31,787
You're crazy.

1885
01:27:34,499 --> 01:27:36,167
You have beautiful ankles.

1886
01:27:46,511 --> 01:27:47,970
Let's go home.

1887
01:27:50,682 --> 01:27:53,267
You're fired!
You! You!

1888
01:27:53,685 --> 01:27:56,020
Oh! You, sir.
You are definitely fired.

1889
01:27:56,772 --> 01:27:58,356
I'd like to stay.

1890
01:27:58,440 --> 01:28:01,943
I think I can really
do some good if I just
got another chance.

1891
01:28:05,530 --> 01:28:09,659
Not fired.
But tomorrow morning, you
let me change your socks.

1892
01:28:11,036 --> 01:28:12,036
Okay.

1893
01:28:13,372 --> 01:28:16,499
And you,
Long-Long-Longfellow,

1894
01:28:16,875 --> 01:28:20,169
you are the one who
made all this possible

1895
01:28:20,253 --> 01:28:23,255
with your beautiful words
and your beautiful spirit.

1896
01:28:23,548 --> 01:28:26,509
And Miss Bennett with
her beautiful research.

1897
01:28:26,885 --> 01:28:28,344
How can I thank you?

1898
01:28:28,762 --> 01:28:31,180
All I want is your
friendship, Emilio.

1899
01:28:31,264 --> 01:28:32,348
You're a good man.

1900
01:28:33,141 --> 01:28:34,684
I'll miss you.

1901
01:28:35,686 --> 01:28:36,686
Deeds!

1902
01:28:38,063 --> 01:28:39,814
How about $1 billion?

1903
01:28:39,898 --> 01:28:41,023
All right.

1904
01:28:41,108 --> 01:28:42,108
Done.

1905
01:28:44,236 --> 01:28:45,236
Whoo!

1906
01:28:55,372 --> 01:28:56,789
Holy jeez!

1907
01:28:57,124 --> 01:28:58,332
I can't believe it!

1908
01:28:59,001 --> 01:29:00,084
What's that,
Deedsy?

1909
01:29:00,168 --> 01:29:01,544
It's a letter
from Hallmark.

1910
01:29:01,628 --> 01:29:03,796
They're actually going
to buy one of my cards.

1911
01:29:03,880 --> 01:29:06,340
Oh, my gosh!
Which one?

1912
01:29:06,425 --> 01:29:08,426
The one I wrote for you,
do you remember it?

1913
01:29:09,011 --> 01:29:10,845
Do I remember?

1914
01:29:10,929 --> 01:29:14,056
"Hard to breathe,
feels like floating

1915
01:29:14,141 --> 01:29:16,934
"So full of love,
my heart's exploding

1916
01:29:17,185 --> 01:29:20,354
"Mouth is dry,
hands are shaking

1917
01:29:20,439 --> 01:29:23,274
"My heart is yours
for the taking

1918
01:29:23,358 --> 01:29:25,943
"Acting weird,
not myself

1919
01:29:26,028 --> 01:29:28,863
"Dancing around
like the Keebler Elf

1920
01:29:28,947 --> 01:29:32,366
"Finally time for
this poor schlub

1921
01:29:32,451 --> 01:29:33,451
(CAT BITES)
(YELPS)

1922
01:29:33,702 --> 01:29:37,204
"To know how it feels
to fall in lub"

1923
01:29:37,289 --> 01:29:39,123
I'm so proud of you.

1924
01:29:44,796 --> 01:29:47,548
MURPH: Can you believe
Deeds bought us all these?

1925
01:29:47,632 --> 01:29:49,091
(LAUGHING)

1926
01:29:52,137 --> 01:29:53,971
Damn, these things
are fast!

1927
01:29:58,351 --> 01:30:01,812
I'm okay!