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00:00:46,062 --> 00:00:47,897
Tensions are rising
as the stand-off

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00:00:47,981 --> 00:00:51,984
between the world community and the
rogue North African nation of Wadiya

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00:00:52,068 --> 00:00:53,277
intensified today

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00:00:53,361 --> 00:00:57,323
as U.N. Weapons inspectors were once
again refused access to the country

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00:00:57,407 --> 00:01:00,659
by Wadiyan leader,
Admiral General Aladeen.

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00:01:01,077 --> 00:01:04,872
I will take no options
off the table. And I mean what I say.

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00:01:05,081 --> 00:01:08,042
Tonight we ask...
Who is General Aladeen?

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00:01:08,460 --> 00:01:10,252
According to
Wadiyan propaganda,

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00:01:10,337 --> 00:01:13,464
Haffaz Aladeen
was born in 1973.

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He did not know his mother,
who died in childbirth.

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00:01:21,806 --> 00:01:25,267
General Aladeen was born
the only son of the Colonel Aladeen,

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himself a savage
and violent dictator.

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Next!

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Known for his iconic beard,

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00:01:36,363 --> 00:01:38,822
he is protected
by 30 female guards,

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00:01:39,115 --> 00:01:40,824
who he maintains
are virgin.

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00:01:51,002 --> 00:01:52,670
Thrust into power
at age seven,

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00:01:52,796 --> 00:01:56,507
he may just be the most dangerous
man in the entire world.

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00:01:57,217 --> 00:01:58,509
All right,
let's get right to it.

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00:01:59,803 --> 00:02:01,512
Do you have
nuclear weapons?

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00:02:04,391 --> 00:02:05,766
What was the question?

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00:02:06,559 --> 00:02:09,311
Do you have
nuclear weapons?

23
00:02:09,562 --> 00:02:10,604
Sorry, I can't hear you.

24
00:02:10,689 --> 00:02:12,398
Are you developing
nuclear weapons?

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00:02:12,691 --> 00:02:14,566
No, I literally
can't hear you.

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00:02:15,318 --> 00:02:17,194
I'm going to
another question.

27
00:02:17,278 --> 00:02:19,446
Oh, I can hear you now.

28
00:02:20,198 --> 00:02:22,574
Eccentric and with
unlimited oil wealth,

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00:02:22,659 --> 00:02:25,077
he recently hosted
his own Olympic Games...

30
00:02:25,370 --> 00:02:27,579
On your mark, get set.

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...at which he won
fourteen gold medals.

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00:02:42,512 --> 00:02:44,555
Aladeen! Aladeen!

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00:02:45,557 --> 00:02:46,890
Often described
as ignorant,

34
00:02:47,434 --> 00:02:50,811
he changed
over 300 Wadiyan words to "Aladeen,"

35
00:02:50,895 --> 00:02:54,690
including the words "positive" and
"negative," causing mass confusion.

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00:02:55,400 --> 00:03:00,028
Do you want
the Aladeen news or the Aladeen news?

37
00:03:00,989 --> 00:03:03,657
The Aladeen news?

38
00:03:04,993 --> 00:03:07,995
You are HIV-Aladeen.

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00:03:22,177 --> 00:03:23,385
With pressure mounting,

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00:03:23,470 --> 00:03:26,013
Aladeen addressed
his nation today.

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00:03:26,347 --> 00:03:28,515
Aladeen! Aladeen!

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00:03:59,297 --> 00:04:01,298
People of Wadiya,

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00:04:01,633 --> 00:04:04,176
I come before you today

44
00:04:04,511 --> 00:04:08,889
to tell you that the world shall
kneel before our great nation.

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We are two months away from
enriching weapons-grade uranium

46
00:04:16,523 --> 00:04:21,735
to be used
for peaceful purposes.

47
00:04:29,035 --> 00:04:33,038
It will be used
only for medical research

48
00:04:33,331 --> 00:04:36,500
and clean energy.
It will, it will.

49
00:04:36,668 --> 00:04:39,336
And will certainly
never be used

50
00:04:39,671 --> 00:04:42,172
to attack Is...
Oh, boy.

51
00:04:45,844 --> 00:04:47,177
With that speech, today,

52
00:04:47,262 --> 00:04:49,847
the international community
is asking one question:

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00:04:50,348 --> 00:04:53,684
Does the Mad Dog of Wadiya
have nuclear weapons?

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00:05:04,237 --> 00:05:05,362
Now, show me
my nuclear weapons!

55
00:05:05,446 --> 00:05:08,198
I can't wait!
I can't wait!

56
00:05:24,299 --> 00:05:26,508
This is the Beard
of Doom rocket?

57
00:05:26,968 --> 00:05:29,845
This is my weapon?
I will be a laughingstock!

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00:05:30,138 --> 00:05:32,806
All my friends
have got nuclear weapons.

59
00:05:33,057 --> 00:05:34,558
Even Ahmadinejad!

60
00:05:34,934 --> 00:05:38,103
And he looks like
a snitch on Miami Vice.

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00:05:38,396 --> 00:05:40,731
Would it kill him
to wear a tie?

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00:05:41,232 --> 00:05:44,192
I mean, is every day
in Iran casual Friday?

63
00:05:45,069 --> 00:05:49,072
Where is the Head of my Nuclear
Program and Procurer of Women?

64
00:05:49,407 --> 00:05:51,241
Where is Nuclear Nadal?

65
00:05:51,492 --> 00:05:53,911
You had Nadal executed,
Supreme Leader.

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00:05:54,245 --> 00:05:55,370
Why did I do that?

67
00:06:01,169 --> 00:06:02,169
Supreme Leader!

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00:06:02,420 --> 00:06:03,754
Nadal.

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00:06:04,005 --> 00:06:07,174
We are just months away
from refining weapons-grade uranium,

70
00:06:07,425 --> 00:06:10,093
and we are set
to test the missile next week.

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00:06:11,930 --> 00:06:14,640
It is too round on the top.
It needs to be pointy.

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00:06:15,183 --> 00:06:17,935
Round is not scary.
Pointy is scary.

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00:06:18,186 --> 00:06:20,187
This will put a smile
on the faces of the enemy.

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00:06:20,438 --> 00:06:23,774
They will think that it is a huge robot
dildo flying toward them.

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00:06:24,025 --> 00:06:25,233
No, Supreme Leader.

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00:06:25,318 --> 00:06:28,070
The shape of the missile top
has nothing to do with aerodynamics.

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It is about
the payload delivery.

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00:06:29,948 --> 00:06:32,115
No. It sticks in the ground,
and then kaboom.

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00:06:32,617 --> 00:06:34,076
Supreme Leader,
I think perhaps

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00:06:34,160 --> 00:06:37,621
some of your information
about bombs is coming from cartoons.

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00:06:37,747 --> 00:06:40,040
Nonsense.
They were research films.

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00:06:40,500 --> 00:06:42,793
And in them,
the victims of the bomb

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00:06:42,877 --> 00:06:44,961
would get
very sooty faces

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00:06:45,171 --> 00:06:48,048
and then a see-through
version of themselves

85
00:06:48,549 --> 00:06:51,760
started rising up towards Heaven
while playing a harp.

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00:06:52,136 --> 00:06:55,222
In this film,
just one question,

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00:06:55,306 --> 00:06:59,226
was there a duck who,
when the explosion is happens,

88
00:06:59,310 --> 00:07:02,521
his bill goes
around to the back of his head,

89
00:07:02,605 --> 00:07:05,732
and then in order to talk,
he has to put it back this way?

90
00:07:06,192 --> 00:07:09,444
There was somebody
who suffered a deformity like that.

91
00:07:09,529 --> 00:07:10,779
Okay.

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00:07:10,863 --> 00:07:14,199
I am now 100 % sure
that you are watching cartoons.

93
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Have you spoken to
the experts about this?

94
00:07:16,577 --> 00:07:19,496
- Have you consulted Professor Bobeye?
- Who?

95
00:07:19,580 --> 00:07:22,999
Professor Bobeye, the one
with the incredibly strong forearms

96
00:07:23,084 --> 00:07:25,127
that are miss-sized
for his body.

97
00:07:25,336 --> 00:07:27,629
The man you are discussing
is called Popeye.

98
00:07:27,755 --> 00:07:29,673
- Bobeye.
- He is not a professor.

99
00:07:29,799 --> 00:07:33,552
Popeye is, as the song
tells us, a sailor man.

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00:07:34,679 --> 00:07:37,431
Indulge me. For one second,
pretend that I'm an idiot.

101
00:07:37,515 --> 00:07:38,557
Okay. I'm there.

102
00:07:38,641 --> 00:07:41,852
And explain to me
how this bomb

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00:07:42,061 --> 00:07:44,730
will not land in Israel

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00:07:45,022 --> 00:07:48,525
and then, literally,
bounce right back and blow up Wadiya.

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00:07:48,943 --> 00:07:50,485
Supreme Leader,
let me explain to you.

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00:07:50,611 --> 00:07:51,695
You've lost me.

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00:07:53,698 --> 00:07:55,073
This is the missile
in Wadiya,

108
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you push the button, "Boop!"

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00:08:01,456 --> 00:08:02,456
Israel...

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"No! Why?"

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00:08:12,300 --> 00:08:13,425
Nuclear winter.

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00:08:13,801 --> 00:08:14,885
The reality is...

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00:08:19,724 --> 00:08:20,724
Oy vey!

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00:08:23,103 --> 00:08:24,103
Us.

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00:08:26,690 --> 00:08:30,026
Believe me, sir, if I could make
the device even a little more pointy,

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I would,
but I simply cannot.

117
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Okay. You know what?

118
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Let's just agree
to disagree, my friend.

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Okay.

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What? Why? No!

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00:08:46,376 --> 00:08:48,586
- Don't you remember?
- Of course I remember!

122
00:08:48,879 --> 00:08:51,839
How dare you question my
memory? I remember everything!

123
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No, I would never do that!
Never! I'm so sorry. I didn't mean that.

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Don't worry, it's fine.
Well done, my friend.

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Thank you.

126
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Wait! Wait!
Where are we going?

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00:09:01,934 --> 00:09:04,936
Admiral General,
what if we just tell the United Nations

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00:09:05,020 --> 00:09:06,354
we have no nuclear weapons?

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00:09:06,438 --> 00:09:07,814
They will lift
the sanctions.

130
00:09:07,898 --> 00:09:10,149
We'll be free
to sell oil rights to the Jalabiya desert.

131
00:09:10,234 --> 00:09:11,818
Uncle Tamir.

132
00:09:11,902 --> 00:09:14,111
Do you not remember
what my saintly father

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00:09:14,196 --> 00:09:16,072
made me promise him
on his deathbed?

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00:09:16,573 --> 00:09:19,742
It was never
to sell Wadiya's oil.

135
00:09:20,744 --> 00:09:22,787
You remember that
was when he gave me power

136
00:09:22,871 --> 00:09:24,831
instead of you,
the rightful heir.

137
00:09:25,082 --> 00:09:26,582
You've been so cool about it.

138
00:09:27,626 --> 00:09:28,960
Now, let's go back
to the palace.

139
00:09:29,211 --> 00:09:30,419
It's the season finale

140
00:09:30,504 --> 00:09:34,215
of Real Housewives
of Shachahmahahfalimitahlicch!

141
00:09:36,385 --> 00:09:38,886
Aladeen! Aladeen!

142
00:09:55,320 --> 00:09:56,946
Death to the tyrant!

143
00:10:07,916 --> 00:10:09,917
Looks like we need
to find a new double.

144
00:10:10,252 --> 00:10:11,586
Because this one is...

145
00:10:11,920 --> 00:10:14,630
You know, I don't know
if he's going to get better.

146
00:10:14,965 --> 00:10:17,008
Oh, he's not going
to recover, sir. He's dead.

147
00:10:17,759 --> 00:10:20,970
Send his wife some
chocolate covered almond nuts

148
00:10:21,054 --> 00:10:23,973
in a cellophane wrapped box.
Delicious.

149
00:10:24,349 --> 00:10:28,102
We're going to send
your wife some almonds.

150
00:10:28,228 --> 00:10:30,396
Chocolate covered
versions of these.

151
00:10:33,692 --> 00:10:37,528
Maroush, I think I dropped
an almond in his head.

152
00:10:37,613 --> 00:10:39,030
Can you take it out?

153
00:10:39,698 --> 00:10:42,909
What I don't want to do is
send the body to the family

154
00:10:42,993 --> 00:10:45,703
and then they discover
an almond in his head,

155
00:10:45,787 --> 00:10:48,164
and they say,
"Why is there an almond in his head?"

156
00:10:48,248 --> 00:10:49,415
Take it out.

157
00:10:51,585 --> 00:10:52,710
Clean it!

158
00:10:53,503 --> 00:10:54,795
How am I gonna eat that?

159
00:10:57,758 --> 00:10:59,592
- Don't eat it.
- Oh, Maroush!

160
00:11:00,719 --> 00:11:02,887
Listen, everything
is gonna be just fine.

161
00:11:03,055 --> 00:11:04,764
I don't want you to
worry about anything.

162
00:11:05,557 --> 00:11:08,059
Yeah, how 'bout looking in my eye
when I'm speaking to you?

163
00:11:08,143 --> 00:11:11,979
It's very rude not to look at somebody in
the eye when they're talking to you.

164
00:11:13,357 --> 00:11:15,066
It's okay. Don't worry.
You're having a rough day.

165
00:11:25,160 --> 00:11:27,411
We shot the wrong man.

166
00:11:27,663 --> 00:11:31,040
I can fix this. I have a new
plan. We need to find a new double.

167
00:11:31,124 --> 00:11:34,085
One that is simple enough to
be manipulated completely.

168
00:11:49,101 --> 00:11:51,102
I think we found
what you are looking for.

169
00:12:00,278 --> 00:12:02,655
You think this man
looks like me?

170
00:12:03,115 --> 00:12:05,449
You have
a very big barn.

171
00:12:05,784 --> 00:12:09,245
You must have
many happy goats, hmm?

172
00:12:09,454 --> 00:12:11,664
What the fuck
does that even mean?

173
00:12:12,958 --> 00:12:16,252
Uncle Tamir,
this thing is an idiot.

174
00:12:16,461 --> 00:12:18,254
What makes you think
he can do the job?

175
00:12:18,588 --> 00:12:22,258
May I remind you that his only real job is
to be shot in the head.

176
00:12:22,759 --> 00:12:25,594
Very well. Put him
through the process, okay?

177
00:12:26,346 --> 00:12:28,389
Clip his nails,
file his teeth,

178
00:12:28,473 --> 00:12:31,267
bleach his skin,
and shorten the penis.

179
00:12:35,605 --> 00:12:37,606
Megan! Megan!

180
00:12:38,775 --> 00:12:40,609
You now have herpes.

181
00:12:43,447 --> 00:12:46,031
Megan, you were
worth every penny.

182
00:12:46,366 --> 00:12:47,867
You were super hot.

183
00:12:48,201 --> 00:12:49,452
Is my jet ready?

184
00:12:49,578 --> 00:12:52,621
Yes, but do you
want to stay the night?

185
00:12:52,706 --> 00:12:54,457
You know, I really
want to do some cuddling.

186
00:12:54,541 --> 00:12:55,708
No. Your time is up.

187
00:12:55,792 --> 00:12:57,793
I have to be
with the Italian Prime Minister tomorrow.

188
00:12:58,128 --> 00:13:00,504
Okay. Maroush,
give the goodie bag!

189
00:13:00,922 --> 00:13:01,922
Thanks.

190
00:13:02,007 --> 00:13:03,424
I trust
everything is in there,

191
00:13:03,508 --> 00:13:05,217
as your manager requested?

192
00:13:05,302 --> 00:13:07,386
Katy Perry said she got
a diamond Rolex.

193
00:13:07,471 --> 00:13:10,139
That's because she let me
Aladeen in her face.

194
00:13:13,143 --> 00:13:14,143
Okay.

195
00:13:14,227 --> 00:13:16,479
Right. Are you sure you don't want
to stay for some cuddles?

196
00:13:16,563 --> 00:13:17,563
- No.
- But, please.

197
00:13:17,647 --> 00:13:19,148
I really want
someone to cuddle.

198
00:14:22,712 --> 00:14:25,381
Breaking news now.
Just moments ago,

199
00:14:25,465 --> 00:14:26,632
the U.N. Security
Council voted

200
00:14:26,716 --> 00:14:29,093
to authorize NATO
air strikes against Wadiya,

201
00:14:29,177 --> 00:14:33,389
unless Admiral General Aladeen
agrees to address the U.N. In person.

202
00:14:33,473 --> 00:14:35,391
And now, the world waits.

203
00:14:35,475 --> 00:14:36,725
What will Aladeen do next?

204
00:14:57,122 --> 00:15:01,333
Next. No, no, no. No. Boring,
boring. Come on. Come on.

205
00:15:01,418 --> 00:15:04,795
Beloved Oppressor,
I have just received disturbing news.

206
00:15:04,880 --> 00:15:07,214
Welcome
to the Munich Olympics.

207
00:15:07,716 --> 00:15:08,883
Shalom?

208
00:15:10,051 --> 00:15:11,218
Oy vey!

209
00:15:11,469 --> 00:15:12,970
Supreme Leader,

210
00:15:13,054 --> 00:15:14,346
the United Nations
demands that

211
00:15:14,431 --> 00:15:17,725
you address their concerns
about our nuclear program,

212
00:15:17,809 --> 00:15:19,977
or they will vote to
authorize military action.

213
00:15:20,812 --> 00:15:21,979
Summon my generals.

214
00:15:22,188 --> 00:15:23,814
I'll join you after
I finish this level.

215
00:15:24,024 --> 00:15:25,816
Bonus round. Mass grave.

216
00:15:38,705 --> 00:15:42,750
Those gangsters at the UN
want me to address them.

217
00:15:43,001 --> 00:15:46,795
Fine! I'll address them like they've
never been addressed before.

218
00:15:47,005 --> 00:15:48,255
How much time
have they allotted me?

219
00:15:48,840 --> 00:15:49,924
Seven minutes, sir.

220
00:15:50,133 --> 00:15:52,718
I'll talk for 14 hours!

221
00:15:53,261 --> 00:15:55,930
And three of those
will be untranslatable.

222
00:15:56,056 --> 00:15:57,431
Literally, baby noises.

223
00:16:01,144 --> 00:16:03,729
Okay. Let's rehearse this.
Role play, role play.

224
00:16:03,855 --> 00:16:05,856
You, come on.
This'll be fun.

225
00:16:06,024 --> 00:16:08,984
So, Secretary General,
your soldiers will weep...

226
00:16:10,946 --> 00:16:13,656
I'm so sorry!
Listen, it was not my fault.

227
00:16:13,740 --> 00:16:16,283
I mean, somebody had
set the safety catch

228
00:16:16,368 --> 00:16:18,202
to "Aladeen"
instead of "Aladeen."

229
00:16:18,787 --> 00:16:20,537
Look, I mean,
this whole gun...

230
00:16:21,915 --> 00:16:23,707
It's gonna be fine.
You just need to ice it.

231
00:16:24,042 --> 00:16:25,250
You got to ice.

232
00:16:25,669 --> 00:16:26,919
Promise me
you're going to ice?

233
00:16:27,170 --> 00:16:28,295
Okay. Tamir!

234
00:16:29,047 --> 00:16:30,798
Inflate my neck pillow

235
00:16:30,882 --> 00:16:34,259
and pack my book
of medium-level Sudoku.

236
00:16:34,761 --> 00:16:37,513
We're going to America!

237
00:17:04,290 --> 00:17:05,666
America!

238
00:17:06,042 --> 00:17:09,253
The birthplace of AIDS.

239
00:17:13,008 --> 00:17:17,428
Supreme Leader, I took the liberty
of hiring some extra security.

240
00:17:17,512 --> 00:17:19,013
This is Mr. Clayton.

241
00:17:19,097 --> 00:17:22,224
Admiral General,
I am here for your protection 24/7.

242
00:17:22,308 --> 00:17:23,392
Okay.

243
00:17:23,476 --> 00:17:27,062
But in the interest of full disclosure, I
have to say I hate A-rabs.

244
00:17:27,939 --> 00:17:30,065
Well, that's fine,
because I'm not an Arab.

245
00:17:30,775 --> 00:17:34,111
Well, you're
all A-rabs to me, the blacks, the Jews,

246
00:17:34,195 --> 00:17:36,947
those blue tree-hugging
queers in A-vatar.

247
00:17:39,451 --> 00:17:42,953
In fact, anyone from outside of
America is technically an A-rab.

248
00:17:44,080 --> 00:17:45,205
Listen, while you're here,

249
00:17:45,290 --> 00:17:48,584
I highly recommend a visit
to the Empire State Building,

250
00:17:48,668 --> 00:17:51,754
before you or one of your
sand-monkey cousins takes it down.

251
00:17:52,422 --> 00:17:55,883
Also, if you're interested in taking
in a Broadway show while you're here,

252
00:17:56,134 --> 00:17:57,676
and you don't mind
the homo stuff,

253
00:17:57,969 --> 00:18:00,012
I highly recommend
Billy Elliot.

254
00:18:01,097 --> 00:18:03,599
You know what, I like this guy
despite his liberal views.

255
00:18:03,683 --> 00:18:04,892
Very good, sir.

256
00:18:09,981 --> 00:18:13,776
Supreme Leader, the suite has been
renovated to your specifications.

257
00:18:19,282 --> 00:18:22,451
Twenty dollars a day
for Internet? What the fuck?

258
00:18:23,787 --> 00:18:27,498
And they accuse me
of being an international criminal?

259
00:18:28,958 --> 00:18:30,751
Beloved Oppressor,
try to get some sleep.

260
00:18:30,835 --> 00:18:32,461
Tomorrow is
your big speech.

261
00:18:32,670 --> 00:18:35,547
Nobody touch the minibar!
It's a fucking rip-off!

262
00:18:55,360 --> 00:18:57,111
Rise and shine.

263
00:18:58,363 --> 00:18:59,363
Who are you?

264
00:18:59,823 --> 00:19:02,032
We've actually
already met.

265
00:19:02,617 --> 00:19:03,700
Hello, Aladdin.

266
00:19:04,202 --> 00:19:05,953
Clayton? I thought
we were friends.

267
00:19:07,205 --> 00:19:08,539
Nice to see you, too.

268
00:19:10,041 --> 00:19:11,208
Here's the deal.

269
00:19:11,334 --> 00:19:13,544
I'm gonna kill you,
and then I'm gonna burn your body.

270
00:19:13,711 --> 00:19:14,753
No, no, no.
Please, don't.

271
00:19:14,838 --> 00:19:19,007
But before I do I have
one very important question for you.

272
00:19:19,759 --> 00:19:21,760
Did you get a chance
to see Billy Elliot?

273
00:19:23,346 --> 00:19:24,346
Yes.

274
00:19:24,472 --> 00:19:25,556
And?

275
00:19:25,765 --> 00:19:28,392
I found it heartwarming
and life-affirming.

276
00:19:29,811 --> 00:19:32,229
Thank you!
How great is that show?

277
00:19:32,397 --> 00:19:33,814
It is.
It's great, yeah.

278
00:19:33,898 --> 00:19:36,400
You know, he's got like
an artist inside himself,

279
00:19:36,609 --> 00:19:40,237
but he's in this working class place
and no one understands him.

280
00:19:40,321 --> 00:19:43,323
He's just like...
I'm gonna express myself in my dance.

281
00:19:43,491 --> 00:19:44,825
And he expresses himself...

282
00:19:45,577 --> 00:19:48,954
And he doesn't wanna use violence,
but he puts his violence into his dance.

283
00:19:49,247 --> 00:19:50,330
You should try that.

284
00:19:51,624 --> 00:19:54,835
Okay. So, we gotta get down
to business. Enough chit-chat.

285
00:19:54,919 --> 00:19:56,420
I'm being paid to kill you.

286
00:19:56,754 --> 00:19:58,213
But I'm gonna
torture you for free.

287
00:20:03,052 --> 00:20:04,344
Are you serious?

288
00:20:04,596 --> 00:20:05,762
Where'd you get
those relics?

289
00:20:05,847 --> 00:20:08,432
From the Shah of Iran's
garage sale?

290
00:20:08,850 --> 00:20:09,850
Yeah, right.

291
00:20:09,934 --> 00:20:11,351
I mean, I know there's
nothing more annoying

292
00:20:11,436 --> 00:20:12,936
than a backseat torturer,
but, please, come on.

293
00:20:13,271 --> 00:20:14,605
This is great stuff.

294
00:20:14,689 --> 00:20:18,108
It's not great stuff.
That's like 1972, hello.

295
00:20:19,861 --> 00:20:23,363
You won't be talking
so much smack with this up your butt.

296
00:20:23,948 --> 00:20:27,034
That's the Anal Umbrella.
It's a good device, I grant you,

297
00:20:27,118 --> 00:20:29,036
but where's
the splash guard?

298
00:20:29,120 --> 00:20:31,079
You're going to kill me
and your white shirt.

299
00:20:31,414 --> 00:20:33,123
It didn't come
with a splash guard.

300
00:20:33,208 --> 00:20:35,209
You're gonna get chara
on your trousers.

301
00:20:35,543 --> 00:20:37,377
I can see it has
a screw hole for one.

302
00:20:37,462 --> 00:20:38,879
Apparently,
I didn't get it.

303
00:20:39,422 --> 00:20:41,256
All right, Mr. Smart Guy,

304
00:20:41,466 --> 00:20:43,550
check out this bad boy.

305
00:20:43,635 --> 00:20:46,094
Oh, that's not bad.
The Kandahar Cock Wrench.

306
00:20:46,179 --> 00:20:47,554
Okay, so, now
we're getting somewhere.

307
00:20:47,639 --> 00:20:50,474
It's actually been banned in Saudi
Arabia for being too safe.

308
00:20:51,601 --> 00:20:53,977
You know,
this is totally depressing.

309
00:20:54,270 --> 00:20:55,646
Listen, just show me
another one.

310
00:20:55,730 --> 00:20:58,482
You know, honestly, I don't even want
to show you anything anymore.

311
00:20:59,192 --> 00:21:00,484
Don't be like that.

312
00:21:01,027 --> 00:21:02,986
You know, I don't even think
you want to be tortured.

313
00:21:03,071 --> 00:21:04,404
I don't want
to be tortured.

314
00:21:04,489 --> 00:21:05,739
You're just, like,
taking all the fun out of it!

315
00:21:05,823 --> 00:21:07,991
You just want me to say
compliments all the time.

316
00:21:08,159 --> 00:21:10,994
So either you want the truth
or you want compliments. Decide!

317
00:21:11,204 --> 00:21:14,581
It'd be nice if I got just a little bit
of positive feedback about my tools.

318
00:21:14,707 --> 00:21:16,541
What else you got?
I'm gonna love the next thing!

319
00:21:16,626 --> 00:21:17,751
I will be supportive.

320
00:21:18,002 --> 00:21:19,336
All right.

321
00:21:19,879 --> 00:21:22,214
Just this. This pours
hot fire out on you.

322
00:21:22,465 --> 00:21:24,383
Oh,
the Fallujah Firehose!

323
00:21:24,467 --> 00:21:26,218
Someone's got
a friend in Syria!

324
00:21:26,302 --> 00:21:27,761
I am pretty proud of it.

325
00:21:27,845 --> 00:21:29,429
There is a new model,
you know.

326
00:21:30,640 --> 00:21:31,974
I've got one that
works by Bluetooth.

327
00:21:33,935 --> 00:21:35,602
Screw it. Screw it!
Screw it!

328
00:21:35,937 --> 00:21:37,229
I'm going to enjoy this now.

329
00:21:37,313 --> 00:21:39,064
No, don't. Don't.
Don't. Please, don't!

330
00:21:47,073 --> 00:21:50,492
No one will recognize
the body without this!

331
00:21:50,743 --> 00:21:52,995
The Supreme Beard!
You will be cursed!

332
00:21:53,121 --> 00:21:54,204
No, no, don't do it!

333
00:21:54,288 --> 00:21:56,081
Come on!
Why won't this catch?

334
00:21:56,165 --> 00:22:00,002
You foolish man! There is no earthly
fire that could ever light...

335
00:22:01,462 --> 00:22:04,297
The flames
of the righteous attack the unjust!

336
00:22:13,641 --> 00:22:17,060
I'll be back with help!
J. K! Just kidding!

337
00:22:22,233 --> 00:22:23,900
My speech.

338
00:22:25,570 --> 00:22:28,739
Yo!
Average American shopper!

339
00:22:29,282 --> 00:22:30,907
I do not have
any money on me,

340
00:22:31,159 --> 00:22:32,367
but if you give me
your clothes

341
00:22:32,452 --> 00:22:35,579
I'll make a sizeable donation
in your name to al-Qaeda.

342
00:22:40,877 --> 00:22:47,799
Hey, hey, oh, oh!
Aladeen has got to go!

343
00:22:49,469 --> 00:22:51,470
Hello. I am
Admiral General Aladeen.

344
00:22:51,554 --> 00:22:53,764
I am here to
deliver my speech to the United Nations.

345
00:22:53,848 --> 00:22:55,682
Look, Admiral,
it's too hot for crazy.

346
00:22:55,933 --> 00:22:56,975
How dare you?

347
00:22:57,143 --> 00:22:59,186
Listen, Tamir is
coming right now.

348
00:22:59,437 --> 00:23:01,605
You're going to
be in big trouble. Here he is.

349
00:23:02,065 --> 00:23:03,398
Tamir! Tamir!

350
00:23:12,408 --> 00:23:14,534
Tamir, it was you, you snake!

351
00:23:16,412 --> 00:23:20,082
He's not the
legitimate leader!

352
00:23:20,166 --> 00:23:22,000
He's not
the legitimate leader!

353
00:23:22,085 --> 00:23:25,337
He's not the
legitimate leader!

354
00:23:26,839 --> 00:23:29,674
You have rehearsed the
speech I prepared for you?

355
00:23:29,759 --> 00:23:32,761
Yes. But when is
the General coming?

356
00:23:33,012 --> 00:23:34,179
He's feeling ill.

357
00:23:34,430 --> 00:23:36,516
Does he have worms in his shilshul?

358
00:23:36,600 --> 00:23:37,767
Very possibly.

359
00:23:38,352 --> 00:23:40,853
Admiral General Aladeen
preparing

360
00:23:40,938 --> 00:23:43,022
to address the General
Assembly of the United Nations.

361
00:23:43,107 --> 00:23:44,107
An historic moment.

362
00:23:44,191 --> 00:23:45,858
He's approaching the podium.

363
00:23:46,193 --> 00:23:48,444
And he's walked
right past the podium.

364
00:23:48,612 --> 00:23:49,612
What is he doing?

365
00:23:50,030 --> 00:23:52,031
You are making
a fool out of me!

366
00:23:52,366 --> 00:23:54,367
Let's bring in Denise,
our U. N. Correspondent.

367
00:23:54,451 --> 00:23:55,660
What do you make of that?

368
00:23:56,453 --> 00:23:58,371
Well, I have to say,
he's got their attention.

369
00:23:58,705 --> 00:24:00,873
Every eye in the room
is on him right now.

370
00:24:00,958 --> 00:24:03,376
And he's returning
to the podium.

371
00:24:04,294 --> 00:24:06,045
And he's fallen
off the stage.

372
00:24:06,130 --> 00:24:07,797
What do you make
of that, Denise?

373
00:24:08,048 --> 00:24:12,718
You know, he's clearly implying that the
U. N. Must fall before him.

374
00:24:13,137 --> 00:24:15,638
Drinking from the
pitcher of water directly,

375
00:24:15,722 --> 00:24:18,266
as opposed to
the glass that I'm sure must be up there.

376
00:24:18,350 --> 00:24:19,392
What do you think
that means?

377
00:24:19,476 --> 00:24:21,519
Again, it's another
attempt to say,

378
00:24:21,603 --> 00:24:23,813
"Listen, I'm not going
to play by your rules."

379
00:24:23,897 --> 00:24:25,565
And he seems to have
a pitcher of urine out.

380
00:24:26,066 --> 00:24:28,317
I believe he just
urinated in the pitcher.

381
00:24:30,070 --> 00:24:31,737
He is now drinking
his urine.

382
00:24:31,989 --> 00:24:33,656
It looks to be
his own urine.

383
00:24:34,199 --> 00:24:35,449
Sorry. You want?

384
00:24:35,701 --> 00:24:38,035
Trying to force it
on the Israeli delegation.

385
00:24:38,620 --> 00:24:40,037
That might be
the ambassador.

386
00:24:40,455 --> 00:24:44,125
He is dumping the urine
on the Israeli delegation.

387
00:24:44,376 --> 00:24:45,626
Oh, that's a good one.

388
00:24:47,462 --> 00:24:49,297
Okay, he's returning
to the podium.

389
00:24:49,798 --> 00:24:54,218
Much has been made
of the hostility between our countries.

390
00:24:54,720 --> 00:24:57,054
With the help
of the U.M.,

391
00:24:57,306 --> 00:25:00,725
I will draft a new
constitution for Wadiya

392
00:25:01,059 --> 00:25:06,063
and sign it in five days,
on Wadiya's Independence Day.

393
00:25:06,398 --> 00:25:07,398
No, no, no.

394
00:25:07,649 --> 00:25:09,400
This new constitution

395
00:25:09,651 --> 00:25:11,277
will end the dictatorship...

396
00:25:11,361 --> 00:25:12,361
No!

397
00:25:12,446 --> 00:25:15,907
...and it will
turn Wadiya into a

398
00:25:16,408 --> 00:25:17,742
democracy.

399
00:25:20,662 --> 00:25:23,080
No! Democracy? Never!

400
00:25:23,832 --> 00:25:25,166
Never!

401
00:25:26,335 --> 00:25:29,420
The Wadiyan people
love being oppressed!

402
00:25:30,255 --> 00:25:32,715
Dictatorship forever!

403
00:25:40,057 --> 00:25:41,557
Come on! Come with me!

404
00:25:42,351 --> 00:25:43,392
Hurry!

405
00:25:48,732 --> 00:25:51,067
Hello, person. Person.

406
00:25:51,318 --> 00:25:52,652
Black person.

407
00:25:53,320 --> 00:25:54,987
The double that
you found is good.

408
00:25:55,072 --> 00:25:56,822
He is almost as dumb
as the real guy.

409
00:25:57,074 --> 00:25:59,575
So, Wadiya will
become a democracy.

410
00:26:00,077 --> 00:26:02,245
China is a democracy,
too.

411
00:26:04,248 --> 00:26:05,957
Once that constitution
is signed,

412
00:26:06,041 --> 00:26:09,252
I will be able
to sell Wadiya's oil rights. Gazprom,

413
00:26:09,586 --> 00:26:11,879
you will have control of
Wadiya's southern oil fields.

414
00:26:11,964 --> 00:26:13,756
B. P., you will
control the north.

415
00:26:13,840 --> 00:26:15,258
Exxon, you will have
all offshore rights,

416
00:26:15,342 --> 00:26:17,593
provided you do not
use B. P.'s drilling rigs.

417
00:26:17,678 --> 00:26:21,681
And, Mr. Lao of PetroChina, you will
have the lease on our shale reserves.

418
00:26:21,765 --> 00:26:23,724
Some of those reserves are
in densely populated areas.

419
00:26:24,101 --> 00:26:26,435
Then unpopulate them.

420
00:26:26,937 --> 00:26:29,814
After you've paid me
my 30 % finder's fee, of course.

421
00:26:30,274 --> 00:26:31,607
Gentlemen.

422
00:26:33,443 --> 00:26:35,611
So, you're going
to make billions.

423
00:26:35,696 --> 00:26:37,697
What will you do
with all those dollars?

424
00:26:38,156 --> 00:26:41,826
I will buy the house on Lake Como
next to George Clooney's.

425
00:26:42,077 --> 00:26:43,995
I love George Clooney!

426
00:26:44,329 --> 00:26:46,122
He's an old-fashioned
movie star.

427
00:26:46,206 --> 00:26:47,999
He gay?
He suck my dick?

428
00:26:48,792 --> 00:26:52,461
No, those are just rumors.
Are you a homosexual?

429
00:26:52,713 --> 00:26:55,298
No, no, no, it's more
of a power trip with me.

430
00:26:55,382 --> 00:26:56,924
Everybody has a price.

431
00:26:57,009 --> 00:27:00,094
Tommy Lee Jones let me roll it in my
fingers for two hundred grand!

432
00:27:07,394 --> 00:27:09,979
Oh, my gosh,
that was so crazy!

433
00:27:10,314 --> 00:27:12,481
I am so honored
to be able to help you.

434
00:27:12,733 --> 00:27:14,734
Finally, somebody
who knows who I am.

435
00:27:14,985 --> 00:27:16,235
Yeah, of course!

436
00:27:16,320 --> 00:27:19,989
You're the Wadiyan dissident who was
standing up to that asshole Aladeen.

437
00:27:20,490 --> 00:27:21,991
It was so brave of you.

438
00:27:22,242 --> 00:27:24,327
- My name is Zoey.
- I don't care.

439
00:27:24,536 --> 00:27:25,536
What's yours?

440
00:27:25,829 --> 00:27:28,497
My name is Ala... son.

441
00:27:28,999 --> 00:27:30,833
- Allison?
- Right. Allison.

442
00:27:31,168 --> 00:27:33,002
What's your last name?

443
00:27:35,922 --> 00:27:37,256
Burgers.

444
00:27:38,258 --> 00:27:40,092
Nice to meet you,
Allison Burgers.

445
00:27:40,177 --> 00:27:41,886
- You know, I...
- Whoa, whoa, whoa.

446
00:27:42,554 --> 00:27:46,307
Allison, could you
please take your hands off my breasts?

447
00:27:46,683 --> 00:27:48,726
Those are breasts?
I thought you were a boy.

448
00:27:52,272 --> 00:27:54,940
- Where are you taking me to?
- To Brooklyn!

449
00:28:04,368 --> 00:28:06,494
So, yeah,
this is my store!

450
00:28:06,578 --> 00:28:08,037
This is the Free
Earth Collective.

451
00:28:08,288 --> 00:28:11,624
We are a vegan, feminist,
non-profit cooperative operating

452
00:28:11,708 --> 00:28:13,959
within an anti-racist,
anti-oppressive framework

453
00:28:14,044 --> 00:28:15,711
for people of
all or no genders.

454
00:28:16,963 --> 00:28:19,131
We are
a pure democracy,

455
00:28:19,216 --> 00:28:21,300
just like Wadiya's
going to be soon!

456
00:28:21,635 --> 00:28:23,344
Get me clothes,
little man.

457
00:28:23,637 --> 00:28:25,388
Oh, you know what, there's some in
the Earthquake Relief box

458
00:28:25,472 --> 00:28:27,014
in the lesbian bathroom,
right there.

459
00:28:27,099 --> 00:28:28,307
Right.

460
00:28:29,393 --> 00:28:31,811
So, Allison,
we're the only store in New York,

461
00:28:31,895 --> 00:28:34,105
other than that fascist
superchain Green World,

462
00:28:34,189 --> 00:28:36,190
that sells your nation's
specialty fruit, mafroom,

463
00:28:36,650 --> 00:28:38,734
which I know
you people eat a lot of.

464
00:28:39,069 --> 00:28:40,861
Oh, I hope that didn't come off
like a cultural stereotype.

465
00:28:40,946 --> 00:28:43,406
Because I'm, like,
the furthest thing from a racist.

466
00:28:43,698 --> 00:28:46,367
I pretty much haven't
had a white boyfriend since high school.

467
00:28:46,618 --> 00:28:48,411
Well, the darker races
are less choosy.

468
00:28:50,038 --> 00:28:52,039
Okay, that came off
as kind of offensive.

469
00:28:52,290 --> 00:28:53,624
Thank you.

470
00:28:54,960 --> 00:28:56,877
Anyway, let me give
you the grand tour.

471
00:28:56,962 --> 00:28:59,797
Up on the roof,
we have this amazing organic garden...

472
00:29:00,132 --> 00:29:02,633
Boring! Do you sell
any assault rifles?

473
00:29:03,051 --> 00:29:05,719
Oh, wait. I got it.
Humor. Right?

474
00:29:05,971 --> 00:29:08,472
I took a feminist
clown workshop once.

475
00:29:08,723 --> 00:29:10,766
Help! Help! I'm trapped
under a glass ceiling!

476
00:29:11,143 --> 00:29:12,768
What the fuck?

477
00:29:13,103 --> 00:29:15,020
I wasn't the best
student, but...

478
00:29:15,147 --> 00:29:17,565
We've got this wellness center
downstairs in the basement,

479
00:29:17,691 --> 00:29:20,943
where we do water birth.
Have you ever seen a water birth?

480
00:29:21,361 --> 00:29:23,571
Not a water birth,
but I've seen a water death.

481
00:29:23,822 --> 00:29:25,322
Wow. Was it moving?

482
00:29:25,782 --> 00:29:27,366
There was actually
very little movement.

483
00:29:27,492 --> 00:29:30,494
A little wriggling,
then two bubbles, and then a big bloop

484
00:29:30,662 --> 00:29:31,871
and the wallet floats up.

485
00:29:33,456 --> 00:29:34,748
You seem educated.

486
00:29:35,000 --> 00:29:36,625
Yes.
I went to Amherst.

487
00:29:37,043 --> 00:29:38,961
I love it when
women go to school.

488
00:29:39,045 --> 00:29:42,047
It's like seeing
a monkey on rollerskates.

489
00:29:42,299 --> 00:29:45,301
It means nothing to them,
but it's so adorable for us.

490
00:29:45,886 --> 00:29:47,803
Okay. Well, hey, Allison,

491
00:29:47,888 --> 00:29:51,140
you know, we'd love to have you work
here if you ever wanted to.

492
00:29:51,224 --> 00:29:55,394
All of our employees
are political refugees, just like you!

493
00:29:55,604 --> 00:29:56,645
There's Hannah over here.

494
00:29:56,771 --> 00:30:00,649
She's from El Salvador. She's a really
useful member of our team.

495
00:30:03,236 --> 00:30:05,738
Useful as what?
A coat hanger?

496
00:30:06,990 --> 00:30:08,824
- Come on.
- Allison, that's not funny.

497
00:30:09,159 --> 00:30:12,161
Okay. I tell you what,
get back to work, Captain Hook!

498
00:30:12,495 --> 00:30:14,663
- "Captain Hook." It's funny.
- No, it's not funny.

499
00:30:14,915 --> 00:30:15,915
Who's that?

500
00:30:16,166 --> 00:30:17,166
Oh, this is Joteph.

501
00:30:17,250 --> 00:30:19,668
He's from a Sudanese tribe
that has no concept of money.

502
00:30:19,920 --> 00:30:22,171
His entire village
was ransacked.

503
00:30:22,422 --> 00:30:23,505
Hey, Sub-Saharan!

504
00:30:24,758 --> 00:30:28,344
Do you think you could get me 100
child soldiers here by 5:00 p.m.?

505
00:30:28,428 --> 00:30:29,470
No!

506
00:30:29,554 --> 00:30:30,846
Okay. Time out! Time out.

507
00:30:30,931 --> 00:30:32,139
Whoa! Whoa! Whoa!

508
00:30:32,432 --> 00:30:34,099
Shave your under-the-arms!

509
00:30:34,434 --> 00:30:37,269
I dread to think what kind of jungle
you have on your malawach!

510
00:30:37,604 --> 00:30:39,104
That is very inappropriate.

511
00:30:39,272 --> 00:30:42,107
Don't tell me what
to say and what not to say, little boy.

512
00:30:42,275 --> 00:30:44,443
You need to put
that finger away.

513
00:30:44,527 --> 00:30:45,903
I won't put my
finger away because...

514
00:30:45,987 --> 00:30:47,488
Look, I've got
two fingers now.

515
00:30:47,572 --> 00:30:48,614
Okay.

516
00:30:48,698 --> 00:30:52,284
If you do not stop using hateful
language, you cannot work here.

517
00:30:52,702 --> 00:30:54,662
All right. I promise.

518
00:30:54,746 --> 00:30:55,955
Okay.

519
00:30:57,374 --> 00:30:59,959
I tricked you,
Wolverina.

520
00:31:01,294 --> 00:31:03,963
Justin Bieber's
chubby double!

521
00:31:06,216 --> 00:31:08,050
Hairy Potter!

522
00:31:15,976 --> 00:31:17,643
Good-bye, old friend.

523
00:31:24,776 --> 00:31:26,151
When will the Supreme
Leader be better?

524
00:31:26,236 --> 00:31:27,278
In time.

525
00:31:27,445 --> 00:31:31,782
He's resting in his bedroom
and must never, ever be disturbed.

526
00:31:32,200 --> 00:31:33,701
Time for bed.

527
00:31:37,872 --> 00:31:41,041
Being Aladeen has its perks,
does it not?

528
00:31:44,296 --> 00:31:45,879
Dropped your belt.

529
00:32:01,980 --> 00:32:03,355
What are you doing?

530
00:32:03,440 --> 00:32:04,648
She tried to milk me!

531
00:32:04,899 --> 00:32:05,899
No.

532
00:32:06,151 --> 00:32:08,319
They are trying
to pleasure you.

533
00:32:08,486 --> 00:32:11,238
Allow the girls to use
their many talents.

534
00:32:20,874 --> 00:32:21,915
No!

535
00:32:22,000 --> 00:32:24,501
Supreme Leader!
The girls!

536
00:32:24,836 --> 00:32:27,504
Girls, show him
your bosoms.

537
00:32:53,406 --> 00:32:57,034
Let me in! I have
85 rooms at this hotel!

538
00:32:57,118 --> 00:32:59,203
It's me, Admiral
General Aladeen!

539
00:32:59,287 --> 00:33:00,579
I lost my beard!

540
00:33:01,164 --> 00:33:02,289
You don't got a pass,
you don't get in.

541
00:33:02,374 --> 00:33:05,709
But I'm staying here! I paid twenty
dollars for the fucking Internet!

542
00:33:06,503 --> 00:33:09,380
How much do you charge
for assassinations?

543
00:33:29,818 --> 00:33:31,819
Why is this
happening to me?

544
00:33:32,737 --> 00:33:36,073
All I ever did was
steal my country's wealth

545
00:33:36,533 --> 00:33:39,576
and execute anybody
who did not agree with me,

546
00:33:40,203 --> 00:33:41,328
and many who did.

547
00:33:41,996 --> 00:33:43,080
Why me?

548
00:33:43,498 --> 00:33:47,209
Why is it always
the good guys? Why?

549
00:33:54,217 --> 00:33:55,426
Nadal?

550
00:34:41,806 --> 00:34:43,807
Welcome to
the Death to Aladeen Restaurant.

551
00:34:44,517 --> 00:34:47,269
Wait. You look
very familiar.

552
00:34:47,645 --> 00:34:48,937
Do I know you?

553
00:34:51,357 --> 00:34:53,817
Sorry.

554
00:34:54,194 --> 00:34:55,402
So sorry, Supreme Leader.

555
00:34:55,612 --> 00:34:57,404
Don't worry.
I'm 50 % to blame.

556
00:35:00,074 --> 00:35:02,284
No! No! Supreme Leader!

557
00:35:03,161 --> 00:35:05,120
Definitely not.
I must be going.

558
00:35:05,205 --> 00:35:06,330
No, no. Stay, please.

559
00:35:06,623 --> 00:35:08,749
If you hate Aladeen
and you like good food,

560
00:35:08,833 --> 00:35:11,835
this is the place for you.
This way. Here we go.

561
00:35:26,601 --> 00:35:27,851
Enjoy it.

562
00:35:31,523 --> 00:35:32,814
No! No!

563
00:35:48,373 --> 00:35:49,540
For you.

564
00:35:50,625 --> 00:35:52,000
What is your name?

565
00:35:52,418 --> 00:35:53,627
Allison Burgers.

566
00:35:54,420 --> 00:35:57,172
That's a made-up name.
What's your real name?

567
00:36:00,885 --> 00:36:01,927
Ladis.

568
00:36:02,220 --> 00:36:03,262
Ladis what?

569
00:36:03,680 --> 00:36:05,556
Ladis Washerum.

570
00:36:09,352 --> 00:36:11,770
So your name
is like the sign. "Ladies Washroom"?

571
00:36:11,854 --> 00:36:13,564
That is a made-up name.

572
00:36:13,940 --> 00:36:15,482
What is your real name?

573
00:36:15,692 --> 00:36:18,694
I am interested.
We are interested.

574
00:36:22,740 --> 00:36:23,949
Emploice.

575
00:36:24,367 --> 00:36:25,617
Emploice what?

576
00:36:25,910 --> 00:36:28,370
Emploice... Muswashans.

577
00:36:30,957 --> 00:36:32,457
That is a made-up name.

578
00:36:34,752 --> 00:36:35,877
Okay.

579
00:36:35,962 --> 00:36:38,088
What is your real name?

580
00:36:38,756 --> 00:36:40,048
Max.

581
00:36:40,425 --> 00:36:41,425
Max what?

582
00:36:41,634 --> 00:36:45,387
Imumoccupancyu
One-hundred-and-twenty.

583
00:36:48,433 --> 00:36:50,684
There's a number in the name?

584
00:36:50,768 --> 00:36:53,395
Who are you?
An Aladeen sympathizer?

585
00:36:53,605 --> 00:36:56,356
No, no, no!
Whoa, whoa, whoa. Okay. No, no, no!

586
00:36:56,441 --> 00:36:57,441
No!

587
00:36:57,525 --> 00:36:59,943
It's Aladeen!
It's Aladeen without the beard!

588
00:37:00,320 --> 00:37:02,070
No! It's not Aladeen!

589
00:37:02,947 --> 00:37:03,989
Hasan, lock the door!

590
00:37:07,076 --> 00:37:09,536
Wait, wait, wait, no!
There you are, cousin!

591
00:37:09,996 --> 00:37:12,331
This is my cousin.
I see you've all met him.

592
00:37:12,540 --> 00:37:15,334
He's very simple
and backwards. I'm sorry.

593
00:37:15,418 --> 00:37:16,543
- Sorry.
- It's okay, sit.

594
00:37:16,628 --> 00:37:17,961
- Okay.
- Sit and eat.

595
00:37:18,504 --> 00:37:19,796
Have a seat, cousin.

596
00:37:20,423 --> 00:37:22,799
Very sorry.
My apologies. Enjoy.

597
00:37:23,009 --> 00:37:26,094
What are you doing here?
And what has happened to your beard?

598
00:37:26,554 --> 00:37:29,723
I've been replaced by this body
double who's a total imbecile.

599
00:37:29,849 --> 00:37:31,475
How are you alive?

600
00:37:31,643 --> 00:37:34,311
How am I... Wait.
You don't know?

601
00:37:34,395 --> 00:37:35,520
No.

602
00:37:35,605 --> 00:37:38,982
Every single person
you had executed is still alive.

603
00:37:39,400 --> 00:37:41,401
We all live here
in Little Wadiya.

604
00:37:41,486 --> 00:37:43,945
The executioner, he is
a member of the Resistance!

605
00:37:44,322 --> 00:37:45,530
You mean I never
executed anybody?

606
00:37:45,615 --> 00:37:46,657
No.

607
00:37:46,741 --> 00:37:48,742
Like, honestly, zero people.

608
00:37:50,578 --> 00:37:54,581
Nadal, you must help me
get back into power.

609
00:37:54,665 --> 00:37:56,500
What? No.
Why would I do that?

610
00:37:56,584 --> 00:37:58,960
I have a perfectly
good job here. I'm a Mac Genius!

611
00:37:59,796 --> 00:38:01,797
What do you do?

612
00:38:03,841 --> 00:38:07,135
Mostly, I clean
semen out of laptops.

613
00:38:08,388 --> 00:38:10,389
Congratulations.
Living the American dream.

614
00:38:10,932 --> 00:38:13,600
Okay, fine. I will help you.
On one condition.

615
00:38:13,684 --> 00:38:14,935
Name it.

616
00:38:15,019 --> 00:38:16,645
You reinstate me
as Head of Nuclear Research,

617
00:38:17,522 --> 00:38:19,022
so I can finish
building my bomb.

618
00:38:19,399 --> 00:38:20,399
Deal.

619
00:38:20,608 --> 00:38:22,859
One last thing.

620
00:38:23,152 --> 00:38:25,612
You will let me build
a round nuclear weapon.

621
00:38:26,030 --> 00:38:28,198
Never. It must be pointy.

622
00:38:28,741 --> 00:38:30,867
- Wait a minute. This is...
- Whoa.

623
00:38:32,078 --> 00:38:34,663
Okay, compromise. Conical.

624
00:38:34,747 --> 00:38:36,498
- Round. Round.
- Teat-shaped.

625
00:38:37,583 --> 00:38:38,834
Okay.

626
00:38:39,001 --> 00:38:40,460
- Okay. Deal.
- Deal.

627
00:38:43,798 --> 00:38:45,632
Ladies and gentlemen
of the press,

628
00:38:45,716 --> 00:38:48,928
our Supreme Leader
is indisposed to answer your questions

629
00:38:49,221 --> 00:38:52,932
as he is currently
drafting Wadiya's new constitution,

630
00:38:53,225 --> 00:38:55,268
which is scheduled
to be signed

631
00:38:55,352 --> 00:38:58,438
at the Lancaster Penthouse
Ballroom in three days.

632
00:38:58,522 --> 00:39:00,189
Thank you.
No further questions.

633
00:39:14,121 --> 00:39:16,664
There is no way we're going to
get anywhere near this hotel

634
00:39:16,748 --> 00:39:19,125
without a security pass.
This is ridiculous.

635
00:39:19,877 --> 00:39:21,544
- Wait.
- What are you doing?

636
00:39:21,795 --> 00:39:23,796
Hiding from that
lesbian hobbit.

637
00:39:24,298 --> 00:39:25,381
That woman,
you know her?

638
00:39:25,757 --> 00:39:27,592
I cannot begin to tell you
what an honor it is

639
00:39:27,676 --> 00:39:29,552
to be able to provide
all of the catering...

640
00:39:29,636 --> 00:39:30,928
Well, of course.

641
00:39:31,013 --> 00:39:32,305
...and the mafroom
for this signing.

642
00:39:32,389 --> 00:39:34,056
You just paid
this month's rent!

643
00:39:34,266 --> 00:39:36,184
She offered me a job.

644
00:39:36,268 --> 00:39:39,020
Can you imagine that?
Me? Working?

645
00:39:39,188 --> 00:39:42,565
Listen, hold onto that badge. It's the only
thing that'll get you past security.

646
00:39:42,649 --> 00:39:43,608
Okay, thanks.

647
00:39:43,692 --> 00:39:45,151
Wait a minute.

648
00:39:45,486 --> 00:39:49,363
Wait, her company is catering the
event. She has a security pass!

649
00:39:49,573 --> 00:39:51,741
That is the answer.
This is the plan.

650
00:39:51,825 --> 00:39:54,327
Okay? You will take that
job and you will work for her.

651
00:39:54,661 --> 00:39:57,497
I will get you
an identical beard and costume.

652
00:39:57,706 --> 00:39:58,998
And then on
the day of the event,

653
00:39:59,082 --> 00:40:02,168
you enter the Lancaster
as a member of her staff.

654
00:40:02,252 --> 00:40:04,253
You will find the double,
switch with him,

655
00:40:04,338 --> 00:40:06,797
then rip up the constitution
in front of the whole world.

656
00:40:07,257 --> 00:40:10,468
Me? Work for that
hairy titted yeti?

657
00:40:27,528 --> 00:40:28,569
Kimberly?

658
00:40:29,404 --> 00:40:30,404
Zoey.

659
00:40:30,614 --> 00:40:31,697
Who cares?

660
00:40:32,157 --> 00:40:34,700
I've come here
to apologize

661
00:40:35,077 --> 00:40:38,371
about some of the comments
I may have made about

662
00:40:38,539 --> 00:40:40,498
Captain Hook and Blackie.

663
00:40:42,459 --> 00:40:43,459
Great!

664
00:40:43,835 --> 00:40:46,087
And I accept your job offer
as general manager.

665
00:40:46,171 --> 00:40:48,214
Well, you can't be the manager,
because I am the manager.

666
00:40:48,549 --> 00:40:49,674
Well, I can
if I killed you.

667
00:40:52,427 --> 00:40:54,428
I think I'm starting
to get you.

668
00:40:54,513 --> 00:40:56,639
All right, then...
I will get you.

669
00:40:57,558 --> 00:40:59,225
Great!
Let's get you to work!

670
00:40:59,726 --> 00:41:01,310
Yeah?
Hold on one second.

671
00:41:01,562 --> 00:41:04,188
Hey, my man!
Excuse me. Hairnet!

672
00:41:04,314 --> 00:41:05,314
Yeah.

673
00:41:05,857 --> 00:41:08,317
I need a little of the
quinoa salad, please,

674
00:41:08,527 --> 00:41:11,320
and throw a couple of
extra cranny-b's on top, if you could,

675
00:41:11,530 --> 00:41:14,323
and I kind of need you
to hurry up, chief. Chop-chop.

676
00:41:17,452 --> 00:41:18,452
Next!

677
00:41:20,414 --> 00:41:22,331
Whoa, whoa!
Occupied!

678
00:41:22,416 --> 00:41:24,709
Out. I have to clean.
Come on, out you go, out you go.

679
00:41:24,793 --> 00:41:26,085
- What? You're hurting me!
- Out. Come on.

680
00:41:26,461 --> 00:41:29,589
Hey, Allison,
can you take out the garbage? Thanks.

681
00:41:36,680 --> 00:41:40,141
Look! One of the
customers left a tip of

682
00:41:40,434 --> 00:41:44,812
some Nair and some female razors.
Does anybody want to use it?

683
00:41:50,152 --> 00:41:51,277
Stop that.

684
00:41:52,279 --> 00:41:53,571
Suck it, loser.

685
00:42:00,495 --> 00:42:01,912
Clean-up on aisle four!

686
00:42:14,635 --> 00:42:16,218
Hey, buddy, I saw that.

687
00:42:16,303 --> 00:42:18,638
That is very disrespectful
to your leader.

688
00:42:18,847 --> 00:42:19,930
Whatever, dude.
Who are you,

689
00:42:20,015 --> 00:42:22,475
Osama bin Laden's
best friend?

690
00:42:22,643 --> 00:42:25,186
No, he is not
my best friend!

691
00:42:25,395 --> 00:42:27,063
Though he has been staying
in my guest house

692
00:42:27,147 --> 00:42:29,231
ever since they shot
his double last year.

693
00:42:30,400 --> 00:42:32,151
Now the guy won't leave.

694
00:42:32,235 --> 00:42:34,445
I know why this guy's
the most hated man in the world.

695
00:42:34,529 --> 00:42:36,530
You just have to go
to the bathroom after him.

696
00:42:36,657 --> 00:42:38,574
You go to the bathroom
after Osama,

697
00:42:38,659 --> 00:42:41,410
you will realize
the true meaning of terrorism.

698
00:43:00,722 --> 00:43:01,889
Here is the plan.

699
00:43:01,973 --> 00:43:03,724
We're going to take
this helicopter tour

700
00:43:03,809 --> 00:43:06,268
and fly over
the Lancaster to spot its weaknesses.

701
00:43:06,603 --> 00:43:10,189
Remember, we're just two
ordinary American tourists

702
00:43:10,524 --> 00:43:12,525
looking at the sights.

703
00:43:12,734 --> 00:43:16,028
Don't worry, nobody gonna suspect
anything. It's a great plan, pointy.

704
00:43:16,488 --> 00:43:17,988
Don't do anything
to arouse any suspicions.

705
00:43:18,073 --> 00:43:20,908
Don't worry.
I am Wadiya's number one actor.

706
00:43:20,992 --> 00:43:23,661
You don't win four
Wadiyan Golden Globes for nothing.

707
00:43:23,745 --> 00:43:26,080
Yes, you do,
because you gave them to yourself!

708
00:43:26,540 --> 00:43:29,250
My performance in
Aladeen Jones and the Temple ofDoom

709
00:43:29,334 --> 00:43:30,376
was outstanding.

710
00:43:30,460 --> 00:43:31,836
I give it thumbs down.

711
00:43:31,920 --> 00:43:33,629
Have you seen
You've Got Mail Bomb?

712
00:43:34,131 --> 00:43:36,590
Yes, I've seen them all!
They're all terrible movies!

713
00:43:36,675 --> 00:43:38,050
Listen to me. Okay?

714
00:43:38,427 --> 00:43:40,219
You are a terrible actor.

715
00:43:40,303 --> 00:43:44,432
I urge you, right now,
keep your performance small and real.

716
00:43:44,516 --> 00:43:46,434
All right, can you
get me a cloak?

717
00:43:46,518 --> 00:43:47,518
Why?

718
00:43:47,602 --> 00:43:49,353
Because I think
my guy would be wearing a cloak.

719
00:43:49,438 --> 00:43:53,649
No, your guy wears an American flag
sweatsuit and a sheriff's badge.

720
00:43:53,734 --> 00:43:54,734
I need the sheriff's badge.

721
00:43:54,818 --> 00:43:56,235
For what?

722
00:43:56,319 --> 00:43:57,611
You're sheriff
of American douche-town!

723
00:43:58,363 --> 00:43:59,363
That's rude.

724
00:43:59,448 --> 00:44:00,448
Listen.

725
00:44:00,532 --> 00:44:04,410
We're going to walk over
there, act very inconspicuous.

726
00:44:04,870 --> 00:44:05,911
- Okay. No problem.
- This has to work.

727
00:44:06,037 --> 00:44:07,705
Don't worry.
Just relax.

728
00:44:10,375 --> 00:44:11,459
Are you okay?

729
00:44:11,877 --> 00:44:12,877
My guy has a limp.

730
00:44:13,378 --> 00:44:16,464
I fell off me horse
at the old Bull & Bush Pub

731
00:44:16,548 --> 00:44:17,715
because
I am a cockney.

732
00:44:17,883 --> 00:44:19,049
Listen! Listen, okay?

733
00:44:19,217 --> 00:44:21,927
You need to focus up right now
and be prepared

734
00:44:22,095 --> 00:44:24,305
to deliver a small,
subtle performance.

735
00:44:24,389 --> 00:44:25,806
- Okay, great, okay.
- Okay, good.

736
00:44:25,891 --> 00:44:27,433
Okay. So, when
we go to fly...

737
00:44:27,517 --> 00:44:29,185
Don't do that
with your eyes!

738
00:44:29,269 --> 00:44:30,936
You can't be
a Chinese person on this thing, okay?

739
00:44:31,021 --> 00:44:32,313
I'm not chink,
I'm Chinese-American!

740
00:44:32,397 --> 00:44:33,481
No, but you cannot
hold your eyes!

741
00:44:33,565 --> 00:44:34,774
Nobody is going to think
you're Chinese-American

742
00:44:34,858 --> 00:44:35,816
because you hold
your eyes like that!

743
00:44:35,901 --> 00:44:37,359
It's racist,
what you are doing!

744
00:44:37,444 --> 00:44:39,987
Do you know it's a fact
that they cannot pronounce their R's?

745
00:44:40,071 --> 00:44:41,238
They pronounce them
as L's.

746
00:44:41,323 --> 00:44:43,199
So instead you know
what "rabbit" is in Chinese?

747
00:44:43,283 --> 00:44:44,408
I don't know
how to speak Chinese.

748
00:44:44,493 --> 00:44:46,702
- It's "labbit."
- It's not "labbit"!

749
00:44:46,787 --> 00:44:49,413
Yes! Who Shot Loger Labbit
was a huge hit in China!

750
00:44:49,498 --> 00:44:50,498
Nobody...
It's stup...

751
00:44:50,582 --> 00:44:51,624
All right, I don't care.
This is stupid, okay?

752
00:44:52,000 --> 00:44:54,668
Okay, I'll do Filipino.
I like to work, I like to talk.

753
00:44:54,753 --> 00:44:56,003
- Don't.
- I like the shit, I do the kids.

754
00:44:56,087 --> 00:44:57,087
Stop that.

755
00:44:57,923 --> 00:45:00,674
Your Filipino
is the same as your Chinese!

756
00:45:01,218 --> 00:45:02,551
Now who's being a lacist?

757
00:45:03,261 --> 00:45:05,095
- You're being lacist now.
- I'm not being racist!

758
00:45:05,180 --> 00:45:06,847
Right now we have to
get on this helicopter

759
00:45:07,015 --> 00:45:09,099
and we have to act
like true Americans.

760
00:45:09,267 --> 00:45:10,976
I guess you don't want me
to play black then.

761
00:45:11,478 --> 00:45:13,437
Of course I don't want you
to play black.

762
00:45:13,563 --> 00:45:15,272
Okay. Just throwing it
out there.

763
00:45:15,398 --> 00:45:16,941
Okay. Don't.

764
00:45:18,193 --> 00:45:19,276
Okay, don't do that.

765
00:45:19,402 --> 00:45:21,278
- I see what you're doing.
- That's how they walk.

766
00:45:21,363 --> 00:45:22,321
I see what you're doing,
it's not cool.

767
00:45:22,447 --> 00:45:23,447
It's how they walk.

768
00:45:37,128 --> 00:45:39,255
I love being
an Americans!

769
00:45:39,756 --> 00:45:41,840
America is number one!

770
00:45:42,634 --> 00:45:44,635
Oh, I am from U.S.A.!

771
00:45:44,719 --> 00:45:47,096
My father also
from U.S.A.

772
00:45:47,722 --> 00:45:51,559
My great-grandfather fought
in the American Civil Jihad.

773
00:45:52,644 --> 00:45:54,895
I am very proud
to be an American.

774
00:45:54,980 --> 00:45:57,606
I am America's
number one douche.

775
00:46:01,027 --> 00:46:02,945
I've fooled them. Job done.

776
00:46:03,738 --> 00:46:06,574
So, how are things back at the Palace?

777
00:46:07,075 --> 00:46:10,786
Fine, but guess
who's still living in my guest house?

778
00:46:11,830 --> 00:46:12,830
Ooh, Bin Laden?

779
00:46:14,249 --> 00:46:15,541
Yes, Osama.

780
00:46:15,625 --> 00:46:18,252
Bin Laden flooding the bathroom
every time he showers...

781
00:46:18,336 --> 00:46:22,214
And how hard is it to put a bath mat
down, Bin Laden?

782
00:46:24,217 --> 00:46:27,219
Hey, do you remember
my favorite sports car?

783
00:46:27,304 --> 00:46:28,846
You mean your Porsche?

784
00:46:28,930 --> 00:46:30,431
Yes... the 911.

785
00:46:30,515 --> 00:46:32,933
911, it's the best!

786
00:46:33,560 --> 00:46:37,521
So I was driving my 911 near the
palace one day...

787
00:46:37,606 --> 00:46:39,815
and I totally crashed!

788
00:46:43,945 --> 00:46:46,196
It's ok, I've already ordered a new one.

789
00:46:46,281 --> 00:46:49,199
A brand new 9112012.

790
00:46:51,661 --> 00:46:54,538
You know, while you are here, you
should try to see some of the sights...

791
00:46:54,623 --> 00:46:57,750
such as the Empire State Building...

792
00:46:57,834 --> 00:47:00,711
and Yankee Stadium.

793
00:47:00,795 --> 00:47:05,382
And I'd love to see the fireworks
over the Statue of Liberty.

794
00:47:10,347 --> 00:47:12,556
Hey, have your old back problems been
bothering you?

795
00:47:12,641 --> 00:47:16,352
Oh, it's been terrible! It got so bad that
I made myself a back brace.

796
00:47:16,436 --> 00:47:20,981
- Really?
- Yes, look, I'm still wearing it.

797
00:47:22,651 --> 00:47:25,027
Hey, my English is getting good...

798
00:47:25,111 --> 00:47:28,739
...I bet I can count down from five
faster than you can!

799
00:47:29,074 --> 00:47:30,991
Five, four,
three, two, one!

800
00:47:36,873 --> 00:47:38,707
Allison! Are you okay?

801
00:47:38,792 --> 00:47:40,250
I... Yes.

802
00:47:40,335 --> 00:47:42,961
You know what?
You people, you make me sick!

803
00:47:43,046 --> 00:47:45,506
You see a Middle Easterner
on an aircraft

804
00:47:45,590 --> 00:47:48,634
and you just assume
that he's hatching some violent plot?

805
00:47:48,718 --> 00:47:53,263
Allison Burgers is a persecuted
dissident, not a murderous madman!

806
00:47:53,348 --> 00:47:56,183
He was reported saying, "Let's take out
the guards at the Lancaster."

807
00:47:56,267 --> 00:47:58,727
Guess what?
We deliver to the Lancaster!

808
00:47:58,812 --> 00:47:59,812
Good one!

809
00:47:59,896 --> 00:48:02,981
Maybe he wanted to
take the guards out for a falafel!

810
00:48:03,066 --> 00:48:04,316
That's a bit
of a stereotype,

811
00:48:04,401 --> 00:48:07,528
but I get the idea.
Great idea! Yeah. You...

812
00:48:07,612 --> 00:48:10,614
You know what?
Is it a crime to care about your job?

813
00:48:10,699 --> 00:48:11,865
Yeah! Well,
it is in Wadiya.

814
00:48:12,492 --> 00:48:15,452
Where did you get your diversity
and sensitivity training, huh?

815
00:48:15,537 --> 00:48:16,745
The Stasi?

816
00:48:16,830 --> 00:48:20,833
Let's see how you feel about racial
profiling when white people...

817
00:48:33,430 --> 00:48:34,972
And I know
what I'm talking about

818
00:48:35,056 --> 00:48:37,599
because I majored
in Fem Lit!

819
00:48:38,435 --> 00:48:39,643
Come on.

820
00:48:41,146 --> 00:48:42,980
Hey! What are you doing?
Where are you going?

821
00:48:43,064 --> 00:48:44,064
Don't worry!

822
00:48:44,149 --> 00:48:46,233
Just suck the fatoot
of the biggest guy, you'll be fine.

823
00:48:46,317 --> 00:48:47,317
You're really
fucking me here, man!

824
00:48:49,946 --> 00:48:51,655
The police here
are such fascists!

825
00:48:51,740 --> 00:48:52,865
Yeah, right,
and not in a good way.

826
00:48:52,949 --> 00:48:54,575
It just makes me so mad!

827
00:48:54,659 --> 00:48:57,411
You know, Zoey,
you were great back there.

828
00:48:57,495 --> 00:48:59,121
Thanks. I just...

829
00:48:59,748 --> 00:49:01,290
I don't know,
I just feel so sorry

830
00:49:01,374 --> 00:49:02,750
that wherever
you go in the world,

831
00:49:02,834 --> 00:49:04,501
you're the victim
of police abuse.

832
00:49:04,586 --> 00:49:05,669
Well, not always the victim.

833
00:49:05,837 --> 00:49:10,132
Come here.
I'm just so sorry! You're okay now.

834
00:49:10,383 --> 00:49:11,467
All right?

835
00:49:11,551 --> 00:49:13,927
And I'm not gonna
let anything bad happen to you.

836
00:49:14,012 --> 00:49:15,721
You know what? Let's get you
back to the collective, okay?

837
00:49:16,514 --> 00:49:17,473
Come on.

838
00:49:17,557 --> 00:49:18,557
No, a bit more.

839
00:49:19,184 --> 00:49:20,476
Okay.

840
00:49:21,144 --> 00:49:23,145
- Come on, let's go. I need to go to work.
- I feel so sad!

841
00:49:24,814 --> 00:49:25,898
Let's do another hug, okay?

842
00:49:26,024 --> 00:49:27,691
Allison, why are you sad?

843
00:49:28,860 --> 00:49:30,194
The brutality?

844
00:49:30,487 --> 00:49:32,279
Did you suffer
from sexual abuse?

845
00:49:32,363 --> 00:49:35,491
Yes, they raped me in
a very unprofessional way.

846
00:49:36,868 --> 00:49:38,827
Oh, no.
We have to get you to the Rape Center.

847
00:49:38,912 --> 00:49:40,746
You have a center
for rape here?

848
00:49:40,830 --> 00:49:43,081
Great! I'd love to go!
Maybe another time, you know.

849
00:49:43,166 --> 00:49:46,460
Hire a limo, have some
cocktails, bring my raping shoes.

850
00:49:55,136 --> 00:49:56,512
Can you get me that one?

851
00:49:57,722 --> 00:49:58,722
Which one?

852
00:49:59,307 --> 00:50:00,974
The one with
the "fuck-me hooves."

853
00:50:01,768 --> 00:50:04,019
You're bizzare. I'm going to have
to change the channels now.

854
00:50:04,479 --> 00:50:07,272
...tour from hell
for an Ohio couple earlier today when,

855
00:50:07,440 --> 00:50:08,649
...with shades of 9l11,

856
00:50:08,733 --> 00:50:11,777
their helicopter tour
of the Manhattan skyline was cut short

857
00:50:11,861 --> 00:50:15,989
by what police are now
calling a "terrorism misunderstanding"

858
00:50:16,074 --> 00:50:19,910
involving a man named
Emer Gencyexitonly.

859
00:50:20,703 --> 00:50:21,703
Etra.

860
00:50:23,414 --> 00:50:24,581
We have a problem.

861
00:50:29,587 --> 00:50:32,005
Hannah, that guy from the
Lancaster's coming tomorrow morning,

862
00:50:32,090 --> 00:50:33,882
so why don't you take
the mafroom downstairs

863
00:50:33,967 --> 00:50:35,968
and make some sort of
a nice display?

864
00:50:36,094 --> 00:50:38,637
I just want everything
to be perfect.

865
00:50:39,264 --> 00:50:40,347
Zoey?

866
00:50:40,431 --> 00:50:41,598
Allison. Hi.

867
00:50:41,766 --> 00:50:44,351
To thank you for what you did
today at the police station,

868
00:50:44,435 --> 00:50:46,687
I have decided to
bestow upon you a gift.

869
00:50:47,063 --> 00:50:49,398
- That's sweet. What is it?
- Yeah.

870
00:50:56,781 --> 00:50:59,449
I don't know
what that is.

871
00:50:59,617 --> 00:51:02,327
It's fine.
Please, gobble up my little mouse.

872
00:51:03,121 --> 00:51:04,371
Snack on my
tiny raisin.

873
00:51:04,622 --> 00:51:06,081
Give her
a mouth bath. Go.

874
00:51:08,126 --> 00:51:10,085
Oh! No!

875
00:51:11,129 --> 00:51:13,630
No, I am not
going to do that.

876
00:51:13,965 --> 00:51:16,174
I'm getting a lot of this
and not much of this...

877
00:51:19,804 --> 00:51:22,014
Listen, I understand
that you're having urges, okay?

878
00:51:22,098 --> 00:51:23,140
Right.

879
00:51:23,224 --> 00:51:25,809
But you need to
take care of them by yourself.

880
00:51:26,102 --> 00:51:27,936
Myself? What? How?

881
00:51:28,146 --> 00:51:29,730
You need to
touch yourself.

882
00:51:29,897 --> 00:51:32,566
I don't touch myself.
Do you touch yourself?

883
00:51:32,942 --> 00:51:35,193
I think most
healthy people do, yes.

884
00:51:35,278 --> 00:51:38,614
Yeah, you touch your own
malawach? Disgusting! Yuck!

885
00:51:38,698 --> 00:51:39,781
Yuck!

886
00:51:40,033 --> 00:51:43,452
Stop joking, all right?
You've never jerked off?

887
00:51:45,455 --> 00:51:47,039
Okay, come with me.

888
00:51:47,123 --> 00:51:49,124
Where are you taking me to?
The Rape Center?

889
00:51:53,171 --> 00:51:54,671
This is silly.

890
00:51:55,006 --> 00:51:56,340
Okay...

891
00:51:56,841 --> 00:51:59,760
Take your penis out
and put it in your hands.

892
00:51:59,844 --> 00:52:00,886
This is silly.

893
00:52:02,847 --> 00:52:06,808
Now, slowly move your hand
up and down.

894
00:52:06,893 --> 00:52:07,976
Okay.

895
00:52:08,811 --> 00:52:10,979
I told you already,
this is...

896
00:52:14,317 --> 00:52:15,484
Wait.

897
00:52:15,943 --> 00:52:17,736
What sorcery is this?

898
00:52:17,820 --> 00:52:20,864
Some people
wait a lifetime

899
00:52:20,948 --> 00:52:25,661
For a moment like this

900
00:52:25,745 --> 00:52:28,997
Some people
wait a lifetime

901
00:52:29,082 --> 00:52:32,000
For a moment like this

902
00:52:32,085 --> 00:52:37,422
Whoa, I can't believe
it's happening to me

903
00:52:37,507 --> 00:52:40,425
Some people
wait a lifetime

904
00:52:40,510 --> 00:52:46,014
For a moment like this

905
00:52:50,645 --> 00:52:54,981
I can't believe
it's happening to me

906
00:52:56,442 --> 00:52:59,236
I did it!
I just jerked it completely off!

907
00:52:59,320 --> 00:53:00,779
I did it all by myself!

908
00:53:00,863 --> 00:53:03,198
With this hand right here!

909
00:53:03,282 --> 00:53:06,493
I grabbed my bilbul
like I was strangling a bird.

910
00:53:06,577 --> 00:53:08,745
And I smacked it
and I smacked it and I gave it a flick,

911
00:53:08,830 --> 00:53:10,163
and out came
my own labeneh!

912
00:53:10,415 --> 00:53:11,415
Zoey?

913
00:53:11,582 --> 00:53:15,168
Zoey! You have
changed my life!

914
00:53:15,712 --> 00:53:19,756
Give a man a vagina
and he will shpichs for a day.

915
00:53:20,091 --> 00:53:23,552
Teach a man to use
his hand as a vagina,

916
00:53:23,761 --> 00:53:25,595
and he will shpichs
for a lifetime.

917
00:53:26,055 --> 00:53:28,181
Oh. No, no. Thank you.

918
00:53:29,225 --> 00:53:31,601
Allison, you may need to keep
your voice down because...

919
00:53:32,145 --> 00:53:34,646
We've got a lot of customers.
You may want to go wash up.

920
00:53:34,731 --> 00:53:35,772
Fine.

921
00:53:35,857 --> 00:53:38,525
Joteph, go and hose down
my Crocs.

922
00:53:38,943 --> 00:53:42,028
I've done my labeneh
all over the wellness center.

923
00:53:46,409 --> 00:53:47,701
Okay.

924
00:53:50,455 --> 00:53:53,081
The guy from the Lancaster
is going to love this.

925
00:53:53,916 --> 00:53:54,916
Okay.

926
00:53:55,251 --> 00:53:56,460
Good night, Allison.

927
00:53:56,753 --> 00:53:58,336
I'll see you
tomorrow morning.

928
00:53:58,546 --> 00:54:01,090
Good night! Thank you again.

929
00:54:05,429 --> 00:54:07,805
This is nice. Or lovely.

930
00:54:13,020 --> 00:54:14,479
- Who is it?
- Nadal.

931
00:54:14,563 --> 00:54:15,605
What are you doing?

932
00:54:15,689 --> 00:54:17,315
I've discovered
this amazing thing.

933
00:54:17,441 --> 00:54:19,233
I have to show you
how to do it.

934
00:54:19,985 --> 00:54:21,152
It's called self juicing.

935
00:54:21,236 --> 00:54:24,238
You put your hand
on your bilbul and you rub it,

936
00:54:24,323 --> 00:54:26,574
and then you can make
your own labeneh come out.

937
00:54:26,658 --> 00:54:28,034
You don't have to
spend any Rolexes.

938
00:54:28,160 --> 00:54:29,952
You don't have to give
any dirty diamonds.

939
00:54:30,037 --> 00:54:32,872
I cannot believe I'm having this
conversation with an adult man.

940
00:54:32,956 --> 00:54:34,540
What do you mean?
You knew about this?

941
00:54:34,666 --> 00:54:36,000
Everybody knows about this.

942
00:54:36,668 --> 00:54:40,004
We all know about this
from the age of 12, 13.

943
00:54:40,172 --> 00:54:42,173
Why does nobody
ever tell me anything?

944
00:54:42,341 --> 00:54:45,134
Because you have everybody executed
who tells you anything.

945
00:54:45,427 --> 00:54:47,845
Listen, I'm thinking of
revealing my true identity

946
00:54:48,055 --> 00:54:49,847
to the hairy titted ape woman.

947
00:54:49,932 --> 00:54:52,141
Whoa! No, what?
Why would you even do that?

948
00:54:52,226 --> 00:54:53,768
I think she'll be
cool with it.

949
00:54:54,019 --> 00:54:55,478
She will not be cool with it.

950
00:54:55,604 --> 00:54:58,648
How is she tojudge?
She shaves her armpits once a year,

951
00:54:58,732 --> 00:55:01,359
and she takes lovers
outside of her ethnic group.

952
00:55:01,568 --> 00:55:03,444
Are my crimes any worse
than hers?

953
00:55:03,695 --> 00:55:05,696
Remember, you hate her.

954
00:55:05,948 --> 00:55:07,406
And everything
she stands for.

955
00:55:07,825 --> 00:55:09,784
- Okay.
- I have to go now.

956
00:55:11,119 --> 00:55:12,119
I despise you.

957
00:55:12,329 --> 00:55:14,372
You know, sometimes you say
some very hurtful things.

958
00:55:14,540 --> 00:55:16,040
Anyway, I'm going to
hang up on you.

959
00:55:16,166 --> 00:55:19,043
No, come on. This is
like a real opportunity for me.

960
00:55:19,127 --> 00:55:20,211
I want to hang up first.

961
00:55:20,295 --> 00:55:22,004
I've hung up.
I hung up already.

962
00:55:23,715 --> 00:55:25,967
That is your voice
doing that noise. You have not hung up.

963
00:55:26,051 --> 00:55:27,718
I am hanging up. Click...

964
00:55:28,929 --> 00:55:30,137
Nadal, are you still there?

965
00:55:31,640 --> 00:55:33,891
- Nadal, are you still there?
- I win.

966
00:55:34,768 --> 00:55:36,352
No wonder you're a Mac Genius.

967
00:55:37,229 --> 00:55:38,688
What a fucking idiot.

968
00:55:45,445 --> 00:55:53,494
Zoey!

969
00:55:56,915 --> 00:55:58,082
Zoey.

970
00:56:09,428 --> 00:56:10,428
Zoey?

971
00:56:13,140 --> 00:56:14,140
Etra.

972
00:56:15,934 --> 00:56:16,934
Etra...

973
00:56:43,503 --> 00:56:45,963
Etra, is this because
you're the only virgin guard

974
00:56:46,048 --> 00:56:47,214
that I left a virgin?

975
00:58:16,430 --> 00:58:19,015
One, two...

976
00:58:21,101 --> 00:58:22,184
Bloop.

977
00:58:23,770 --> 00:58:24,937
Text book.

978
00:58:26,648 --> 00:58:29,483
Thank you so much
for meeting me early, Mr. Ogden.

979
00:58:29,818 --> 00:58:31,569
I cannot wait for you
to sample our mafroom.

980
00:58:31,737 --> 00:58:33,529
You are gonna swear
that you're in Wadiya.

981
00:58:34,531 --> 00:58:36,449
Excuse me.
What is that over there?

982
00:58:36,742 --> 00:58:38,701
That is a "C"
in your window.

983
00:58:38,910 --> 00:58:41,037
No, no, no... They're totally
biased against this. They hate us.

984
00:58:41,121 --> 00:58:42,872
No, it's not.
I know what a "C" means.

985
00:58:42,956 --> 00:58:44,165
It's not a very good...

986
00:58:48,587 --> 00:58:49,754
Oh, my God!

987
00:58:50,922 --> 00:58:52,381
Allison, what happened?

988
00:58:55,093 --> 00:58:56,677
I don't know, I...

989
00:58:56,970 --> 00:58:59,430
I was downstairs
self juicing.

990
00:59:01,224 --> 00:59:02,224
All night?

991
00:59:02,517 --> 00:59:03,517
Yes.

992
00:59:03,685 --> 00:59:04,977
I'm sorry,
you were doing what?

993
00:59:05,437 --> 00:59:06,604
Doing the jerk off.

994
00:59:06,980 --> 00:59:08,731
Jerking myself to totally off.

995
00:59:08,815 --> 00:59:10,357
- I'm sorry?
- Let me show you.

996
00:59:10,567 --> 00:59:11,776
- No.
- She taught me.

997
00:59:11,943 --> 00:59:13,027
Oh, she taught you, did she?

998
00:59:13,111 --> 00:59:15,529
- No...
- Well, thank you very much.

999
00:59:15,697 --> 00:59:16,864
The contract is canceled.

1000
00:59:16,948 --> 00:59:17,948
- That's it!
- No.

1001
00:59:18,033 --> 00:59:19,450
No, I'm going to Green World.
It's over.

1002
00:59:19,618 --> 00:59:21,035
- No, Mr. Ogden.
- Remember, I have to pay that...

1003
00:59:21,119 --> 00:59:24,080
- Please, no, no.
- Self juicing. Filth!

1004
00:59:25,123 --> 00:59:26,207
Oh, my God...

1005
00:59:26,625 --> 00:59:27,708
Zoey...

1006
00:59:27,959 --> 00:59:29,502
We must get
that contract back.

1007
00:59:29,795 --> 00:59:30,961
We can't!

1008
00:59:31,171 --> 00:59:34,090
It's impossible.
We can't compete with Green World.

1009
00:59:34,800 --> 00:59:36,634
We will see about that.

1010
00:59:36,718 --> 00:59:39,845
But from now on,
it is my way

1011
00:59:39,930 --> 00:59:44,600
or the highwahahtmaa-
fferrohshelechnichway.

1012
00:59:45,227 --> 00:59:47,645
There has been
a regime change!

1013
00:59:47,729 --> 00:59:50,064
Yo! You are
stocking the shelves.

1014
00:59:50,482 --> 00:59:52,900
You, senile
Romanian accountant.

1015
00:59:52,984 --> 00:59:54,652
You are on
the cash register.

1016
00:59:54,820 --> 00:59:58,739
The CEO of Green World
does not drive a hybrid!

1017
01:00:00,992 --> 01:00:03,160
The chemicals
in Green World produce

1018
01:00:03,411 --> 01:00:05,579
made this boy
grow tits!

1019
01:00:11,253 --> 01:00:13,420
You promise not
to steal again?

1020
01:00:13,505 --> 01:00:15,172
I won't. I won't!

1021
01:00:15,423 --> 01:00:17,133
Give him one more
for fun, Viktor.

1022
01:00:37,154 --> 01:00:38,571
Good choice.

1023
01:00:53,295 --> 01:00:54,962
Hi, Viktor.

1024
01:01:10,979 --> 01:01:12,563
Supreme Grocer.

1025
01:01:12,647 --> 01:01:14,398
The radicchio
has been washed and sorted,

1026
01:01:14,482 --> 01:01:16,233
and the spray hose
has been tightly coiled.

1027
01:01:16,318 --> 01:01:17,985
Very good. Now go upstairs

1028
01:01:18,069 --> 01:01:20,321
and finish composting
the wheatgrass tailings, okay?

1029
01:01:20,405 --> 01:01:21,655
Yes, Supreme Grocer.

1030
01:01:23,658 --> 01:01:24,992
Zoey!

1031
01:01:25,076 --> 01:01:27,328
What? Look...

1032
01:01:27,954 --> 01:01:28,996
Wow!

1033
01:01:29,623 --> 01:01:31,081
It's amazing!

1034
01:01:31,166 --> 01:01:33,918
Oh, it's not amazing.
It's just a little less shit.

1035
01:01:34,211 --> 01:01:36,003
Well, thank you.

1036
01:01:37,214 --> 01:01:38,964
- Sorry.
- Oh, of course.

1037
01:01:39,049 --> 01:01:41,926
- Personal.
- Thank you. Thank you again.

1038
01:01:44,095 --> 01:01:46,013
- Hello?
- I have some very good news.

1039
01:01:46,097 --> 01:01:47,139
What is it?

1040
01:01:47,224 --> 01:01:50,851
I managed to buy some beards at the
wig store today that are perfect.

1041
01:01:50,936 --> 01:01:53,145
No, Nadal,
it must be real hair.

1042
01:01:53,230 --> 01:01:55,272
- And from the head of a great man!
- What?

1043
01:01:55,357 --> 01:01:57,024
Like Castro or Gandalf.

1044
01:01:57,108 --> 01:01:58,359
No...

1045
01:02:01,196 --> 01:02:03,864
Well done, Nadal.
This beard is perfect.

1046
01:02:09,037 --> 01:02:11,121
Those are lovely flowers.

1047
01:02:11,206 --> 01:02:13,123
You know, Zoey is
thinking of opening

1048
01:02:13,208 --> 01:02:15,542
an eco-friendly
flower section to the store.

1049
01:02:15,627 --> 01:02:18,921
This is the fifth time you've mentioned
her today. What is going on?

1050
01:02:19,005 --> 01:02:20,673
The signing
is in two days.

1051
01:02:20,757 --> 01:02:22,591
Tell me you're not
falling for this woman!

1052
01:02:23,051 --> 01:02:25,719
Of course I'm not.
This is silly.

1053
01:02:26,054 --> 01:02:29,056
Okay, good. All we need to do
is slip into this chapel...

1054
01:02:29,140 --> 01:02:30,307
And yet, it's strange.

1055
01:02:30,392 --> 01:02:32,309
The other day,
I asked her to, you know,

1056
01:02:32,394 --> 01:02:35,062
gobble on my bilbul
and she said, "No."

1057
01:02:35,146 --> 01:02:37,147
So obviously
I wanted to execute her.

1058
01:02:37,232 --> 01:02:40,484
But the thought of
her decapitated head actually upset me,

1059
01:02:40,568 --> 01:02:42,319
- so I decided not to do it.
- No.

1060
01:02:42,404 --> 01:02:45,739
When the thought of someone's
decapitated head upsets you,

1061
01:02:45,824 --> 01:02:47,574
that is love.

1062
01:02:47,826 --> 01:02:50,828
- I swear, I don't even like her at all.
- You don't like her?

1063
01:02:50,996 --> 01:02:53,747
She has the body shape
of a 14-year-old boy.

1064
01:02:54,082 --> 01:02:57,835
Well, that is
a particular weakness of yours.

1065
01:02:57,919 --> 01:02:59,837
Need I remind you of
the Menudo incident?

1066
01:03:00,046 --> 01:03:01,797
Those boys had
their eyes open.

1067
01:03:01,881 --> 01:03:03,173
They knew exactly
what they were doing.

1068
01:03:03,258 --> 01:03:04,758
We made them
have their eyes open.

1069
01:03:04,843 --> 01:03:07,011
You made me hold
one of their eyes open,

1070
01:03:07,095 --> 01:03:08,721
so they'd see what
you were doing to them.

1071
01:03:09,306 --> 01:03:11,348
They seemed to be having
a pretty good time.

1072
01:03:11,433 --> 01:03:13,892
They were not.
Those boys were crying.

1073
01:03:14,185 --> 01:03:15,436
Three of them
killed themselves!

1074
01:03:16,438 --> 01:03:17,563
Nothing to do with me.

1075
01:03:17,647 --> 01:03:20,024
Everything to do with you!
A lot of them wrote notes.

1076
01:03:20,108 --> 01:03:22,776
In their suicide notes
they named you by name!

1077
01:03:23,028 --> 01:03:25,320
It's all a rumor.
And you're being silly.

1078
01:03:25,905 --> 01:03:27,239
Hello, gentlemen.
How you doin'?

1079
01:03:27,532 --> 01:03:29,033
Are you guys
friends of the deceased?

1080
01:03:29,743 --> 01:03:31,118
How do I put this?

1081
01:03:31,369 --> 01:03:32,870
He was my nigger.

1082
01:03:33,204 --> 01:03:34,663
No, that's not
the way to put it.

1083
01:03:34,789 --> 01:03:36,415
- Whoa, whoa!
- No?

1084
01:03:36,666 --> 01:03:37,958
He was my negger.
Nigger. Nagger?

1085
01:03:38,168 --> 01:03:39,376
- No, no, no.
- What is that?

1086
01:03:39,461 --> 01:03:40,753
- Negar. Nigger? Nagur?
- No, no.

1087
01:03:40,837 --> 01:03:42,004
Please stop. Please.

1088
01:03:42,088 --> 01:03:43,130
I told you,
before we came in.

1089
01:03:43,214 --> 01:03:45,716
One word, do not say.
Is the exact word you're using now.

1090
01:03:45,800 --> 01:03:47,176
- No, I said Nuga...
- One dozen times.

1091
01:03:47,385 --> 01:03:50,304
Please relate to him that there could be
two funerals today.

1092
01:03:50,430 --> 01:03:52,389
I... Believe me
when I tell you,

1093
01:03:52,515 --> 01:03:55,809
we are here only
to pay our respects to a great man.

1094
01:03:56,061 --> 01:03:58,228
Okay, Eldridge's casket
is laying in the chapel right now.

1095
01:03:58,521 --> 01:04:00,064
We're gonna have the
viewing in a few minutes.

1096
01:04:00,398 --> 01:04:01,565
Thank you very much.

1097
01:04:03,193 --> 01:04:04,568
I love your music,
by the way.

1098
01:04:04,736 --> 01:04:06,111
No, it's not.
He's not a musician.

1099
01:04:06,237 --> 01:04:10,115
I'm so, so sorry that
Whitney turned out like she did.

1100
01:04:10,241 --> 01:04:11,492
- It's not Bobby Brown.
- Hey...

1101
01:04:16,164 --> 01:04:18,415
- Go there.
- Okay. Here we go.

1102
01:04:28,051 --> 01:04:29,134
Hello?
Somebody in here?

1103
01:04:29,219 --> 01:04:31,345
Nadal!
The Sub-Saharans have discovered us!

1104
01:04:31,429 --> 01:04:33,013
- What? Okay, okay, okay!
- Hurry, hurry!

1105
01:04:33,098 --> 01:04:34,598
- Just a moment!
- What you doin' in there?

1106
01:04:35,100 --> 01:04:36,725
Jerking off.

1107
01:04:37,310 --> 01:04:38,310
Open this door!

1108
01:04:38,770 --> 01:04:40,687
- No, no, no!
- Open the door now!

1109
01:04:40,939 --> 01:04:43,273
Quick! Plan B! Plan B!

1110
01:04:52,867 --> 01:04:53,951
Why did you
chop off his head?

1111
01:04:54,035 --> 01:04:55,119
You said Plan B!

1112
01:04:55,203 --> 01:04:56,995
Plan B was to have
coffee and regroup,

1113
01:04:57,080 --> 01:04:59,414
it was not to
chop his head off!

1114
01:05:07,465 --> 01:05:09,258
Good morning, Nadal!

1115
01:05:10,135 --> 01:05:12,469
Wake up!
Good morning, Nadal!

1116
01:05:15,014 --> 01:05:16,598
No, no, no, no, no, no!

1117
01:05:16,766 --> 01:05:17,808
Get this away from me!

1118
01:05:17,892 --> 01:05:19,143
You know, me and you
are quite a team.

1119
01:05:19,227 --> 01:05:20,227
No, no.

1120
01:05:20,311 --> 01:05:21,728
You know who else
makes a great team?

1121
01:05:21,813 --> 01:05:24,273
Ebony and ivory

1122
01:05:24,357 --> 01:05:25,774
No, no, no!

1123
01:05:25,900 --> 01:05:27,234
Live together
in perfect harmony

1124
01:05:27,318 --> 01:05:28,318
What is wrong with you?
Get it out of here!

1125
01:05:29,362 --> 01:05:30,362
Good one.

1126
01:05:34,826 --> 01:05:36,785
Splish splash
I was taking a bath!

1127
01:05:37,745 --> 01:05:39,329
No! Get it out of here!

1128
01:05:40,498 --> 01:05:42,166
Oh, that is weird.

1129
01:05:43,668 --> 01:05:48,505
I threw in some carob-covered goji
berries, just as a treat. Enjoy.

1130
01:05:49,007 --> 01:05:53,260
Thank you. That's very kind of
you. You're a very nice man.

1131
01:05:53,845 --> 01:05:55,846
What the fuck
did you call me?

1132
01:05:56,848 --> 01:05:58,682
I said you were nice!

1133
01:06:03,688 --> 01:06:07,608
Allison! The Lancaster just
called! We got the contract back!

1134
01:06:07,692 --> 01:06:09,776
- Great! Whatever!
- I know!

1135
01:06:09,861 --> 01:06:12,196
Green World is shutting down
their Manhattan store!

1136
01:06:12,530 --> 01:06:14,406
I wonder what
could have happened?

1137
01:06:16,367 --> 01:06:18,452
Be careful with that,
sweetheart. Be careful.

1138
01:06:18,786 --> 01:06:21,538
Oh, yeah, we're going to
have a nice big salad.

1139
01:06:22,373 --> 01:06:24,082
Celebratory cuddle?

1140
01:06:25,710 --> 01:06:26,793
Well done!

1141
01:06:26,961 --> 01:06:28,378
- You smell bad.
- I know.

1142
01:06:28,880 --> 01:06:29,963
Help!

1143
01:06:30,048 --> 01:06:32,257
Somebody help!
My wife is in labor!

1144
01:06:32,592 --> 01:06:34,218
Oh, my God!
Oh, my God!

1145
01:06:34,385 --> 01:06:37,179
Baby? The ambulance can't
be here for 20 minutes. Can you hold it?

1146
01:06:37,263 --> 01:06:38,931
I can't hold it!
It's coming out!

1147
01:06:39,224 --> 01:06:40,349
It's coming out!

1148
01:06:40,433 --> 01:06:43,143
Does anyone have
any medical experience?

1149
01:06:43,394 --> 01:06:46,980
I was Wadiya's Chief Surgeon
for the last 22 years.

1150
01:06:47,273 --> 01:06:49,066
Please.
Please help us. Please.

1151
01:06:49,317 --> 01:06:51,318
- Allison, they need your help. Come on.
- Okay, fine.

1152
01:06:51,945 --> 01:06:52,945
Come on.

1153
01:06:53,446 --> 01:06:54,529
Are you okay?

1154
01:06:55,949 --> 01:06:57,658
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
What are you doing?

1155
01:06:57,742 --> 01:06:59,117
Sorry! Old habits die hard.

1156
01:06:59,577 --> 01:07:01,245
All right, I'm going in.

1157
01:07:03,164 --> 01:07:04,206
That's the wrong hole!

1158
01:07:04,290 --> 01:07:06,250
- What?
- You just put your fist up the wrong hole.

1159
01:07:06,417 --> 01:07:08,043
If I had a dollar for
every time I heard that.

1160
01:07:09,921 --> 01:07:10,963
Get it outta there.

1161
01:07:11,673 --> 01:07:13,674
- Going in again.
- Okay, good.

1162
01:07:13,841 --> 01:07:15,425
Still my asshole!

1163
01:07:15,677 --> 01:07:17,177
What is wrong
with you, man?

1164
01:07:17,262 --> 01:07:18,720
You just put it in
my asshole again!

1165
01:07:18,805 --> 01:07:20,305
Just go up
from where you are.

1166
01:07:21,015 --> 01:07:23,642
The good news is,
your prostate is completely healthy.

1167
01:07:24,602 --> 01:07:26,270
That's good. That's good.

1168
01:07:26,521 --> 01:07:27,896
- Going in again.
- Okay, good.

1169
01:07:31,609 --> 01:07:32,776
Hold on.

1170
01:07:34,112 --> 01:07:35,153
What are you...

1171
01:07:37,198 --> 01:07:39,032
Allison, stop it!
You need two hands!

1172
01:07:39,367 --> 01:07:40,534
But I'm in the middle
of the text.

1173
01:07:40,785 --> 01:07:42,369
It's coming out!

1174
01:07:47,625 --> 01:07:49,001
- Where is that coming from?
- What?

1175
01:07:54,299 --> 01:07:56,300
I'm really sorry.
I'm gonna have to take this call.

1176
01:07:56,509 --> 01:07:57,843
Is there a phone
in my body?

1177
01:07:58,136 --> 01:07:59,469
What are you doing?

1178
01:07:59,595 --> 01:08:00,971
I'm in
the Lincoln Tunnel.

1179
01:08:01,180 --> 01:08:03,515
What? Okay, look.
We need to talk for a minute.

1180
01:08:03,850 --> 01:08:05,809
Hello, Nadal.
Listen, I can't speak now.

1181
01:08:05,893 --> 01:08:07,394
I'll speak to you later,
okay? Bye!

1182
01:08:07,729 --> 01:08:09,646
Stop talking to my vagina!

1183
01:08:10,982 --> 01:08:13,650
Zoey, the baby's stuck. I need you to put
your hand in and help me.

1184
01:08:13,943 --> 01:08:15,193
- What? No...
- Come on! Put it in!

1185
01:08:15,278 --> 01:08:16,987
- No, don't be scared. Put it in.
- Okay. Okay.

1186
01:08:17,238 --> 01:08:18,572
- I'm sorry.
- Put it right there on the right side.

1187
01:08:18,656 --> 01:08:20,574
- Oh, my gosh. Oh, my gosh!
- Push in.

1188
01:08:21,743 --> 01:08:22,868
I think I feel an arm!

1189
01:08:24,495 --> 01:08:25,495
That's my finger.

1190
01:08:38,885 --> 01:08:41,428
Excuse me. You guys
make a really cute couple together.

1191
01:08:41,512 --> 01:08:43,138
But maybe could you finish doing this

1192
01:08:43,222 --> 01:08:45,182
when you're not elbow-deep
in my pussy!

1193
01:08:45,516 --> 01:08:47,726
Okay, Allison,
you've got the head?

1194
01:08:48,019 --> 01:08:49,770
- I've got the head.
- Okay, it's coming out.

1195
01:08:49,854 --> 01:08:50,896
Come on, push!

1196
01:08:53,358 --> 01:08:56,193
Where are the rebel bases?
Where are the rebel bases?

1197
01:08:56,527 --> 01:08:58,070
Sorry, sorry.

1198
01:08:58,363 --> 01:09:01,323
Wait, I can see the head!
I can see the head!

1199
01:09:01,407 --> 01:09:02,532
I can't push anymore!

1200
01:09:07,038 --> 01:09:09,456
You did it!
You did it!

1201
01:09:17,716 --> 01:09:19,050
I sentence you

1202
01:09:19,385 --> 01:09:20,885
to life.

1203
01:09:23,389 --> 01:09:24,472
It's still attached!

1204
01:09:24,598 --> 01:09:26,557
Sorry. Oh, no.

1205
01:09:26,725 --> 01:09:28,059
- What's wrong?
- I'm sorry.

1206
01:09:28,268 --> 01:09:29,769
It's bad news.

1207
01:09:30,104 --> 01:09:31,229
It's a girl.

1208
01:09:33,357 --> 01:09:34,399
Where's the trash can?

1209
01:09:34,608 --> 01:09:36,609
No, no, no, no!
That's what we wanted!

1210
01:09:36,902 --> 01:09:38,569
We'll take her,
we'll take her.

1211
01:09:38,654 --> 01:09:39,654
Oh, baby.

1212
01:09:44,159 --> 01:09:46,994
You were so
amazing down there.

1213
01:09:47,329 --> 01:09:49,414
You saved
a little person's life.

1214
01:09:58,590 --> 01:10:00,174
It feels so nice
to kiss you.

1215
01:10:00,259 --> 01:10:01,676
I know. It's nice
to kiss you, too.

1216
01:10:01,760 --> 01:10:03,261
I love the hugging.

1217
01:10:03,679 --> 01:10:05,096
I just came.

1218
01:10:08,350 --> 01:10:09,851
I don't care.

1219
01:10:11,228 --> 01:10:12,353
Lie back.

1220
01:10:12,438 --> 01:10:13,479
Okay.

1221
01:10:13,564 --> 01:10:15,231
This is going to be
amazing for you.

1222
01:10:15,315 --> 01:10:16,649
Okay!

1223
01:10:29,788 --> 01:10:31,247
You have such
a small stomach.

1224
01:10:31,415 --> 01:10:33,708
It's like
a 10-year-old boy's.

1225
01:10:35,627 --> 01:10:38,254
Normally, I don't kiss
a 10-year-old boy's stomach.

1226
01:10:38,464 --> 01:10:39,672
They kiss mine.

1227
01:10:41,049 --> 01:10:42,049
See you in 15 minutes.

1228
01:10:45,471 --> 01:10:46,512
Okay.

1229
01:10:55,564 --> 01:10:56,898
Wait, wait.

1230
01:10:57,232 --> 01:10:58,566
Wait.

1231
01:11:00,527 --> 01:11:02,695
Allison,
before we go any further,

1232
01:11:03,572 --> 01:11:05,656
there's something
that I want to tell you.

1233
01:11:05,908 --> 01:11:08,493
You've got a dick.
I knew it.

1234
01:11:09,244 --> 01:11:11,370
Allison,
I don't have a dick.

1235
01:11:11,622 --> 01:11:12,872
Great!

1236
01:11:13,248 --> 01:11:15,625
And I've never been
with a guy with a dick.

1237
01:11:15,834 --> 01:11:17,126
Or any guy.

1238
01:11:18,795 --> 01:11:19,837
Or boys.

1239
01:11:22,007 --> 01:11:23,174
Just girls.

1240
01:11:24,551 --> 01:11:25,635
And children.

1241
01:11:26,136 --> 01:11:28,971
Not male ones.
Female ones.

1242
01:11:32,643 --> 01:11:34,894
What I wanted to
tell you was this.

1243
01:11:34,978 --> 01:11:38,147
I really want
to be with you, Allison Burgers.

1244
01:11:38,982 --> 01:11:40,233
Zoey,

1245
01:11:42,027 --> 01:11:44,111
I'm not really
Allison Burgers.

1246
01:11:45,197 --> 01:11:47,865
I'm actually
a little somebody called

1247
01:11:48,867 --> 01:11:50,868
Admiral General

1248
01:11:51,578 --> 01:11:52,828
Aladeen.

1249
01:11:57,251 --> 01:11:59,418
No, what's your real name?

1250
01:11:59,628 --> 01:12:01,379
Wait, this will
convince you.

1251
01:12:03,215 --> 01:12:04,257
Look, it's me!

1252
01:12:05,175 --> 01:12:08,344
The weapons inspectors
will bathe in their own blood!

1253
01:12:09,763 --> 01:12:11,222
That's your beard?

1254
01:12:11,306 --> 01:12:13,349
No, no, no!
It's not my beard.

1255
01:12:13,433 --> 01:12:15,476
My friend chopped the head
off Morgan Freeman.

1256
01:12:15,936 --> 01:12:18,229
It's a hilarious story.
I'll tell you later, okay?

1257
01:12:18,772 --> 01:12:22,066
You are out of your mind.
You're insane!

1258
01:12:22,234 --> 01:12:25,152
Well, you download songs
illegally from the Internet.

1259
01:12:25,696 --> 01:12:27,238
So let's not
throw stones, okay?

1260
01:12:27,990 --> 01:12:29,323
You're a murderer!

1261
01:12:29,658 --> 01:12:31,701
No, no, no!
Zoey, Zoey, Zoey! No.

1262
01:12:31,785 --> 01:12:35,037
You were just using me
to get access to that hotel!

1263
01:12:35,122 --> 01:12:36,330
No!

1264
01:12:36,415 --> 01:12:40,001
Zoey, I'm attracted to you
in a really fucked-up way.

1265
01:12:40,502 --> 01:12:42,503
Oh, my God!

1266
01:12:42,838 --> 01:12:45,381
I'm canceling that
contract tomorrow!

1267
01:12:45,841 --> 01:12:48,092
No, Zoey! What have
I ever done wrong?

1268
01:12:48,343 --> 01:12:50,344
You lied to me!

1269
01:12:50,429 --> 01:12:52,847
And you're wanted
for war crimes!

1270
01:12:52,931 --> 01:12:54,515
That stuff never sticks.

1271
01:12:55,100 --> 01:12:56,809
You need to leave now.

1272
01:12:57,853 --> 01:13:01,314
You have broken my heart
into Aladeen pieces.

1273
01:13:23,920 --> 01:13:26,297
With the signing of the
constitution tomorrow morning,

1274
01:13:26,381 --> 01:13:28,883
democracy in Wadiya
is just hours away,

1275
01:13:28,967 --> 01:13:31,302
and people are
in the streets celebrating.

1276
01:13:31,595 --> 01:13:35,640
Kill Aladeen,
kill Aladeen, hey!

1277
01:13:39,978 --> 01:13:41,812
What do you think of
Admiral General Aladeen?

1278
01:13:41,938 --> 01:13:43,856
We hate him. We hate him.

1279
01:13:43,982 --> 01:13:46,484
You know,
when we think ofhim, we...

1280
01:13:46,818 --> 01:13:49,153
We vomit, and we spit
and we don't want him.

1281
01:13:49,363 --> 01:13:51,489
What would you say to General
Aladeen ifhe were watching this?

1282
01:13:51,698 --> 01:13:53,366
I have a message
forAladeen.

1283
01:13:53,867 --> 01:13:55,076
Suevel.

1284
01:13:55,285 --> 01:13:57,828
Suevel. Suevel.

1285
01:14:16,848 --> 01:14:18,432
- Good-bye!
- Stop, stop, wait!

1286
01:14:18,517 --> 01:14:19,517
What are you doing?

1287
01:14:20,852 --> 01:14:21,852
How did you find me?

1288
01:14:22,437 --> 01:14:24,522
You texted me, like,
seven times.

1289
01:14:26,441 --> 01:14:28,109
I am executing myself!

1290
01:14:28,443 --> 01:14:29,777
What? Why?

1291
01:14:29,945 --> 01:14:31,487
Because no one
has ever loved me!

1292
01:14:31,863 --> 01:14:33,906
Your father would
be ashamed of you!

1293
01:14:33,990 --> 01:14:36,617
No, I've realized
I don't want to be like my father!

1294
01:14:36,701 --> 01:14:39,245
In fact,
I don't want to be a dictator anymore!

1295
01:14:39,329 --> 01:14:40,496
What's that now?

1296
01:14:40,705 --> 01:14:43,499
I've been on a spiritual journey,
man, like Eat, Pray, Love.

1297
01:14:44,751 --> 01:14:46,419
Have you gone insane?

1298
01:14:46,670 --> 01:14:48,712
I now know that
on the outside,

1299
01:14:48,797 --> 01:14:50,172
I am a bit of
a cocksucker.

1300
01:14:50,465 --> 01:14:53,342
- Yeah.
- But deep down I'm nice.

1301
01:14:53,593 --> 01:14:55,928
- Not really.
- Yes, I am! I'm like mafroom.

1302
01:14:56,221 --> 01:14:58,347
Hard and spiky
on the outside,

1303
01:14:58,432 --> 01:15:00,516
but soft and
really mushy on the in.

1304
01:15:00,725 --> 01:15:04,061
You're not like
mafroom at all. You're like an onion.

1305
01:15:04,354 --> 01:15:06,313
An outer layer
of cocksucker,

1306
01:15:06,398 --> 01:15:07,815
and when you
peel it away,

1307
01:15:07,899 --> 01:15:10,609
there is 10 more layers
of cocksucker underneath.

1308
01:15:12,737 --> 01:15:14,071
You are such a schmuck!

1309
01:15:14,364 --> 01:15:16,907
- Why are you speaking Yiddish?
- I picked it up.

1310
01:15:17,033 --> 01:15:19,493
What do you mean,
"I picked it up"? Who picks up Yiddish?

1311
01:15:19,578 --> 01:15:20,744
I'm in New York!

1312
01:15:20,829 --> 01:15:23,080
We're trying to erase
that country off the map!

1313
01:15:23,165 --> 01:15:25,249
I don't like the people,
but I like the way that

1314
01:15:25,333 --> 01:15:28,002
their words really sound like
what they're meant to be.

1315
01:15:28,086 --> 01:15:30,921
Oh, I'm sorry! Did I not get the
Evite to your bar mitzvah?

1316
01:15:31,006 --> 01:15:32,173
Oh, my God!

1317
01:15:32,257 --> 01:15:34,300
You've got real
chutzpah saying that!

1318
01:15:34,384 --> 01:15:36,594
Look, where has being
a nice guy gotten you, huh?

1319
01:15:36,887 --> 01:15:39,096
Standing on the edge
of a bridge about to commit suicide?

1320
01:15:39,181 --> 01:15:40,264
Still wearing Crocs?

1321
01:15:40,932 --> 01:15:42,349
What's wrong with Crocs?

1322
01:15:42,434 --> 01:15:45,436
They are the universal symbol of a
man who has given up hope!

1323
01:15:46,563 --> 01:15:48,522
You might as well
put sweatpants on

1324
01:15:48,607 --> 01:15:50,524
and go to Applebee's
for the rest of your life!

1325
01:15:51,568 --> 01:15:53,527
I'll give you that one.
I do look ridiculous.

1326
01:15:53,612 --> 01:15:57,448
Yes! Listen, if you won't
come down from there for yourself,

1327
01:15:57,532 --> 01:15:58,782
do it for your country.

1328
01:15:58,950 --> 01:16:00,701
If this constitution
is signed,

1329
01:16:00,785 --> 01:16:03,996
there will be free press,
women drivers, civil rights!

1330
01:16:04,206 --> 01:16:05,289
What are "civil rights"?

1331
01:16:05,582 --> 01:16:07,833
I'll tell you later.
They're hilarious.

1332
01:16:08,335 --> 01:16:11,795
Look, you alone can stop
these terrible things from happening.

1333
01:16:12,088 --> 01:16:14,673
You are the last
great dictator!

1334
01:16:15,091 --> 01:16:17,259
All of the others
are gone! Qaddafi,

1335
01:16:17,469 --> 01:16:19,970
Saddam, Kim Jong, Cheney.

1336
01:16:22,015 --> 01:16:23,474
You are right, Nadal.

1337
01:16:23,934 --> 01:16:26,018
I will become
the greatest dictator of all,

1338
01:16:26,102 --> 01:16:28,103
the envy of madmen
everywhere!

1339
01:16:28,313 --> 01:16:29,897
Yes, Supreme Leader!

1340
01:16:29,981 --> 01:16:33,359
From the mountaintops of North Korea
to the jungles of Zimbabwe,

1341
01:16:33,443 --> 01:16:37,696
let every child laborer
and sweatshop factory worker sing,

1342
01:16:37,781 --> 01:16:40,449
"Oppressed at last!
Oppressed at last!

1343
01:16:40,825 --> 01:16:43,619
"Thank Aladeen,
I am oppressed at last!"

1344
01:16:43,703 --> 01:16:44,870
Yes! Whoa!

1345
01:16:44,955 --> 01:16:46,247
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa!
What are you doing?

1346
01:16:46,331 --> 01:16:47,706
- No, no, no, no, don't fall.
- I'm not doing anything.

1347
01:16:47,791 --> 01:16:50,459
Just do like a pull-up.
You know how you do pull-ups?

1348
01:16:50,544 --> 01:16:51,752
I invented the pull-up.

1349
01:16:56,049 --> 01:16:59,134
If you're just joining us, we
are at the Lancaster Hotel,

1350
01:16:59,219 --> 01:17:00,928
where in about 20 minutes,

1351
01:17:03,014 --> 01:17:04,848
General Aladeen will be signing the
new Wadiyan constitution.

1352
01:17:04,933 --> 01:17:06,767
Dignitaries from
around the world

1353
01:17:06,851 --> 01:17:09,770
are arriving now to witness
the creation of a democracy

1354
01:17:09,854 --> 01:17:12,648
that will undoubtedly change
the political landscape

1355
01:17:12,732 --> 01:17:14,441
of the entire region.

1356
01:17:14,693 --> 01:17:17,695
As Wadiya goes,
so goes North Africa.

1357
01:17:24,202 --> 01:17:26,996
Eddie Norton, next time,
you pee on me.

1358
01:17:27,289 --> 01:17:28,372
Whatever.

1359
01:17:28,707 --> 01:17:30,708
And tell Viggo Mortensen
he is on my radar.

1360
01:17:33,169 --> 01:17:35,546
How do you say,
"Fly is in the soup"?

1361
01:17:35,630 --> 01:17:37,464
Gentlemen, Tamir.

1362
01:17:37,841 --> 01:17:39,967
Let me introduce you
to my beautiful wife.

1363
01:17:40,510 --> 01:17:42,928
Mrs. Lao, it is my
very great pleasure.

1364
01:17:43,013 --> 01:17:45,180
No, no, no, no.
She does not speak English.

1365
01:17:45,265 --> 01:17:46,473
Watch this.

1366
01:17:47,183 --> 01:17:48,809
You ugly horse!

1367
01:17:49,477 --> 01:17:50,519
She doesn't know.

1368
01:17:51,146 --> 01:17:55,316
"Ohhh." See?
She goes "Ohhh" all the time. Watch.

1369
01:17:55,859 --> 01:17:57,526
Shaved ape.

1370
01:17:58,111 --> 01:17:59,153
"Ohhh."

1371
01:18:12,667 --> 01:18:15,669
Wait. That is how you intend to get me
across to the Lancaster?

1372
01:18:15,920 --> 01:18:17,004
Absolutely.

1373
01:18:17,088 --> 01:18:18,422
- Where'd you get that?
- I built it.

1374
01:18:18,840 --> 01:18:21,091
When I was going
to assassinate you.

1375
01:18:21,509 --> 01:18:22,593
You mean my double.

1376
01:18:25,263 --> 01:18:26,639
Sure. Yeah.

1377
01:18:34,397 --> 01:18:36,315
Bingo!

1378
01:18:39,361 --> 01:18:40,361
Love it!

1379
01:18:40,445 --> 01:18:41,487
- Here's what you do.
- Okay.

1380
01:18:41,571 --> 01:18:44,573
Zipline across,
kill the double,

1381
01:18:44,658 --> 01:18:47,242
and then rip up the constitution in
front of the world's media.

1382
01:18:47,327 --> 01:18:48,327
Piece of cake.

1383
01:19:02,717 --> 01:19:04,968
Hello, Lancaster!

1384
01:19:13,937 --> 01:19:15,229
I don't understand
what has happened.

1385
01:19:15,313 --> 01:19:17,398
My calculations
were very precise.

1386
01:19:18,066 --> 01:19:20,025
If you lose enough weight,
then the zipline will work.

1387
01:19:20,110 --> 01:19:21,819
Do you have anything
in your pockets?

1388
01:19:21,903 --> 01:19:23,570
Let me check.

1389
01:19:26,533 --> 01:19:27,741
What is that?

1390
01:19:27,826 --> 01:19:29,118
It's Vita Coco water.

1391
01:19:29,744 --> 01:19:31,245
Why do you have
Vita Coco water?

1392
01:19:31,329 --> 01:19:33,997
Because it has
as much potassium as three bananas.

1393
01:19:34,082 --> 01:19:35,666
The line is
still too heavy.

1394
01:19:35,750 --> 01:19:38,168
Is there anything else in your pockets
that could be weighing you down?

1395
01:19:40,171 --> 01:19:43,006
You're kidding. So then why did
you bring three bananas?

1396
01:19:43,091 --> 01:19:46,719
Because I don't trust the
advertising. I'm naturally suspicious.

1397
01:19:47,345 --> 01:19:49,847
Is there anything else you're
carrying? You're still too heavy.

1398
01:19:49,931 --> 01:19:51,056
Just this.

1399
01:19:52,892 --> 01:19:54,017
What is that, a brick?

1400
01:19:54,102 --> 01:19:56,520
All this time you've had a
brick? Why do you have that?

1401
01:19:56,604 --> 01:19:58,522
Well, to balance out
the weight from the other one.

1402
01:19:58,606 --> 01:19:59,857
You have two bricks?

1403
01:19:59,941 --> 01:20:00,983
Yes!

1404
01:20:01,067 --> 01:20:02,568
Throw them down
immediately!

1405
01:20:07,115 --> 01:20:09,575
Oh, my God!
There's a little goat eating the wire!

1406
01:20:12,620 --> 01:20:14,455
You need to lose
weight immediately!

1407
01:20:14,789 --> 01:20:17,416
My pockets are empty.
I could poo.

1408
01:20:17,792 --> 01:20:19,376
That won't be enough
to make a difference.

1409
01:20:19,461 --> 01:20:22,004
Yes, it will.
I haven't gone since Wadiya.

1410
01:20:22,088 --> 01:20:24,715
Losing power
has stopped me up like a cork.

1411
01:20:24,799 --> 01:20:26,091
Hurry!

1412
01:20:26,176 --> 01:20:28,761
Come on, Supreme Leader!
Make it rain! Make it rain!

1413
01:20:30,346 --> 01:20:32,598
It's out!
And it's pointy!

1414
01:20:33,641 --> 01:20:34,933
Somebody stop that man!

1415
01:20:36,770 --> 01:20:37,811
Yes!

1416
01:20:39,147 --> 01:20:40,355
What? No, no, no, no!

1417
01:20:41,149 --> 01:20:42,149
No, no, no!

1418
01:21:06,424 --> 01:21:07,966
Supreme Leader!

1419
01:21:11,346 --> 01:21:13,514
Get out of here
before Tamir kills you.

1420
01:21:14,265 --> 01:21:15,349
Who is Tamir?

1421
01:21:15,767 --> 01:21:17,142
Tamir...

1422
01:21:17,227 --> 01:21:19,937
The bald bastard
who did all these terrible things to us!

1423
01:21:20,730 --> 01:21:22,439
I thought
his name was Dennis.

1424
01:21:23,983 --> 01:21:28,654
How would you
even make that leap? Tamir to Dennis?

1425
01:21:29,864 --> 01:21:31,865
- Go on, get out! Get out!
- Come on, Montzi!

1426
01:21:31,950 --> 01:21:32,950
Quick!

1427
01:21:36,162 --> 01:21:37,704
Just jump.
It's not that far.

1428
01:21:38,873 --> 01:21:40,123
Efawadh.

1429
01:21:40,208 --> 01:21:41,875
It is almost time.

1430
01:21:44,712 --> 01:21:47,047
I like goats.

1431
01:21:48,216 --> 01:21:50,676
I am very stupid.

1432
01:21:52,595 --> 01:21:54,721
This is
an historic moment.

1433
01:21:54,806 --> 01:21:57,641
Admiral General
Aladeen of Wadiya

1434
01:21:57,725 --> 01:21:59,226
is going to be signing

1435
01:21:59,310 --> 01:22:02,980
the first democratic
constitution in the history of his nation.

1436
01:22:03,064 --> 01:22:07,025
Across the globe,
people are glued to their television sets.

1437
01:22:07,110 --> 01:22:09,695
The people of Wadiya
are celebrating

1438
01:22:09,779 --> 01:22:12,614
what will be
a new chapter in their country.

1439
01:22:13,449 --> 01:22:16,368
Just moments away now
from putting his signature

1440
01:22:16,452 --> 01:22:18,829
on the first
democratic constitution.

1441
01:22:19,581 --> 01:22:22,416
That's Tamir Mafraad,
Aladeen's trusted advisor,

1442
01:22:22,500 --> 01:22:25,502
sharing a lighthearted moment with
Chinese businessman, Xiang Lao.

1443
01:22:25,587 --> 01:22:27,462
Any thoughts on
what they might be saying, Mike?

1444
01:22:27,547 --> 01:22:30,424
I thought I made out
the words "Harvey Keitel."

1445
01:22:33,011 --> 01:22:34,636
Don't know
what that meant.

1446
01:22:34,721 --> 01:22:37,472
Maybe they shared
a hot dog together, I'm thinking?

1447
01:22:37,557 --> 01:22:41,935
That would make sense. He's wiping the
mustard off his face and chest.

1448
01:22:42,020 --> 01:22:43,312
Excuse me!

1449
01:22:43,396 --> 01:22:44,855
You have to let me in.
You don't understand.

1450
01:22:44,939 --> 01:22:46,607
He's trying to
stop the signing!

1451
01:22:46,691 --> 01:22:48,233
Tamir is now speaking.

1452
01:22:48,318 --> 01:22:49,318
Today,

1453
01:22:50,028 --> 01:22:51,778
we begin a new era.

1454
01:22:52,322 --> 01:22:55,365
Wadiya will be
open to the world.

1455
01:22:55,450 --> 01:22:57,034
Open to the future.

1456
01:22:57,118 --> 01:22:58,619
And open for business.

1457
01:23:00,121 --> 01:23:03,540
The document is
ready to be signed, Supreme Leader.

1458
01:23:12,133 --> 01:23:14,885
What are you doing?
This man is an imposter!

1459
01:23:14,969 --> 01:23:19,431
No! This traitor tried to kill me
and had my beard removed!

1460
01:23:19,515 --> 01:23:21,725
Look!

1461
01:23:21,809 --> 01:23:24,227
Arrest the viper Tamir!

1462
01:23:24,312 --> 01:23:26,021
And now in another

1463
01:23:26,105 --> 01:23:29,733
amazing turn of events,
Tamir Mafraad is being taken away.

1464
01:23:29,817 --> 01:23:32,361
This constitution

1465
01:23:32,445 --> 01:23:35,113
is nothing
but a license for oil companies

1466
01:23:35,198 --> 01:23:38,700
and foreign interests
to destroy my beloved Wadiya!

1467
01:23:38,785 --> 01:23:42,454
Wadiya will remain
a dictatorship!

1468
01:23:52,215 --> 01:23:53,590
Oh, be quiet.

1469
01:23:53,967 --> 01:23:56,969
Why are you guys
so anti dictators?

1470
01:23:57,220 --> 01:24:00,055
Imagine if America
was a dictatorship.

1471
01:24:00,431 --> 01:24:04,643
You could let 1 % of the people
have all the nation's wealth.

1472
01:24:04,978 --> 01:24:06,436
You could help
your rich friends

1473
01:24:06,521 --> 01:24:09,064
get richer by
cutting their taxes

1474
01:24:09,148 --> 01:24:12,401
and bailing them out
when they gamble and lose.

1475
01:24:12,860 --> 01:24:17,155
You could ignore the needs of the poor
for health care and education.

1476
01:24:17,240 --> 01:24:18,907
Your media
would appear free

1477
01:24:18,992 --> 01:24:23,120
but would secretly be controlled
by one person and his family.

1478
01:24:23,204 --> 01:24:27,458
You could wiretap phones,
you could torture foreign prisoners.

1479
01:24:27,543 --> 01:24:29,711
You could have
rigged elections.

1480
01:24:29,795 --> 01:24:31,879
You could lie about
why you go to war.

1481
01:24:32,423 --> 01:24:34,215
You could fill your prisons

1482
01:24:34,299 --> 01:24:37,927
with one particular racial group
and no one would complain!

1483
01:24:38,262 --> 01:24:41,639
You could use the media
to scare the people

1484
01:24:41,724 --> 01:24:45,643
into supporting policies
that are against their interests.

1485
01:24:45,728 --> 01:24:49,105
I know this is hard
for you Americans to imagine,

1486
01:24:49,189 --> 01:24:51,149
but please try.

1487
01:24:51,233 --> 01:24:53,484
I will tell you
what democracy is!

1488
01:24:53,902 --> 01:24:56,029
Democracy is the worst!

1489
01:24:56,113 --> 01:24:59,032
Endless talking
and listening to every stupid opinion!

1490
01:24:59,116 --> 01:25:01,200
And everybody's
vote counts,

1491
01:25:01,285 --> 01:25:04,954
no matter how
crippled or black or female they are.

1492
01:25:05,873 --> 01:25:07,248
Democracy...

1493
01:25:14,006 --> 01:25:15,298
Democracy

1494
01:25:16,675 --> 01:25:20,803
has hairy armpits
and could lose five pounds.

1495
01:25:22,014 --> 01:25:25,308
Democracy looks like
a midget in a chemo wig.

1496
01:25:26,685 --> 01:25:30,104
Democracy, your mother
called the other day

1497
01:25:30,230 --> 01:25:31,355
and I forgot to
give you the message.

1498
01:25:31,482 --> 01:25:35,568
It was something very important
about your grandmother.

1499
01:25:37,279 --> 01:25:39,906
Democracy kisses you
because she wants to,

1500
01:25:39,990 --> 01:25:43,868
not because her father
is in the next room chained to a radiator

1501
01:25:43,952 --> 01:25:46,079
with electrodes
attached to his nipples.

1502
01:25:46,914 --> 01:25:51,250
Democracy is flawed!
She is not perfect!

1503
01:25:51,919 --> 01:25:53,419
But democracy,

1504
01:25:56,965 --> 01:25:57,965
I love you.

1505
01:25:59,092 --> 01:26:02,178
And that is
why I call for real democracy!

1506
01:26:02,262 --> 01:26:04,055
A real constitution!

1507
01:26:04,139 --> 01:26:06,098
And real elections
in Wadiya!

1508
01:26:12,731 --> 01:26:14,732
Oh, no!

1509
01:26:15,609 --> 01:26:16,776
Come on!

1510
01:26:23,659 --> 01:26:26,828
Democracy,
I will make you one of my wives.

1511
01:26:27,913 --> 01:26:30,331
Okay, only wife.
We'll vote on it.

1512
01:26:30,958 --> 01:26:32,875
I'll shave
my armpits for you.

1513
01:26:32,960 --> 01:26:35,044
Praise be to the Creator!

1514
01:26:35,128 --> 01:26:37,547
And please stop using
that organic deodorant.

1515
01:26:37,631 --> 01:26:39,841
You could gas the Kurds
with that stench.

1516
01:27:06,994 --> 01:27:08,911
You died
protecting me, Efawadh.

1517
01:27:09,663 --> 01:27:10,663
Hello!

1518
01:27:10,956 --> 01:27:11,956
You are alive?

1519
01:27:12,165 --> 01:27:15,126
Of course!
It is my job to be shot in the head.

1520
01:27:18,797 --> 01:27:20,673
- Is he okay?
- He's fine.

1521
01:27:20,757 --> 01:27:23,342
Luckily the bullet
hit him in the brain.

1522
01:27:24,469 --> 01:27:26,304
So,

1523
01:27:27,764 --> 01:27:28,806
what now?

1524
01:27:29,099 --> 01:27:32,435
I return to Wadiya
to participate in fair elections.

1525
01:27:44,406 --> 01:27:47,950
Let's now look back
at the wonderful events of the past year.

1526
01:27:48,035 --> 01:27:50,828
After Wadiya's
first free elections,

1527
01:27:50,913 --> 01:27:53,873
President Prime Minister
Admiral General Aladeen

1528
01:27:53,957 --> 01:27:56,542
won 98. 8 % of the vote.

1529
01:27:59,087 --> 01:28:02,673
But the big story today is the
marriage of President Prime Minister

1530
01:28:02,758 --> 01:28:06,510
Admiral General Aladeen
and his new bride, Zoey.

1531
01:28:10,766 --> 01:28:13,392
I now pronounce you
man and wife.

1532
01:28:23,236 --> 01:28:25,446
Are you okay, my love?
What did you step on?

1533
01:28:25,530 --> 01:28:26,822
Oh, yes! No, no.

1534
01:28:26,907 --> 01:28:30,576
It's my people's tradition.
We always smash a glass at weddings.

1535
01:28:30,661 --> 01:28:32,495
- I'm Jewish!
- What?

1536
01:28:32,579 --> 01:28:33,871
Mazel tov!

1537
01:28:38,877 --> 01:28:39,919
Are you okay?

1538
01:28:40,921 --> 01:28:43,589
That's fine.
I don't mind. It's great!

1539
01:28:44,049 --> 01:28:45,758
Come here, my love.

1540
01:29:05,487 --> 01:29:07,363
Jachnoon, President
Prime Minister Aladeen.

1541
01:29:07,447 --> 01:29:10,741
Jachnoon. Nadal. I have to be back
at the palace in an hour.

1542
01:29:10,826 --> 01:29:13,119
Zoey thinks I'm at yoga.

1543
01:29:13,537 --> 01:29:14,537
I have great news.

1544
01:29:14,621 --> 01:29:17,415
We are just days
away from testing the new missiles.

1545
01:29:17,499 --> 01:29:19,458
I have re-engineered
the oxidizing ducts

1546
01:29:19,543 --> 01:29:21,002
and the payload
delivery systems.

1547
01:29:21,086 --> 01:29:25,798
But you'll be happy to know,
the missile is now pointy!

1548
01:29:27,050 --> 01:29:29,010
Who cares if it's pointy?

1549
01:29:29,094 --> 01:29:30,261
What?

1550
01:29:30,762 --> 01:29:33,055
You do.
You care if it's pointy.

1551
01:29:33,140 --> 01:29:34,807
Why would I care
about such a trivial detail?

1552
01:29:34,891 --> 01:29:37,143
Are you serious?
Are you serious right now?

1553
01:29:37,227 --> 01:29:38,227
Of course I'm serious.

1554
01:29:38,311 --> 01:29:39,770
That's why you
had me executed!

1555
01:29:39,855 --> 01:29:43,149
The shape of the missile has nothing to
do with the payload delivery.

1556
01:29:43,233 --> 01:29:45,651
That's what I said!
That's what I said the first time!

1557
01:29:45,736 --> 01:29:47,153
No, that's what I said,
and you went crazy.

1558
01:29:47,237 --> 01:29:49,447
No! You said
Professor Popeye this...

1559
01:29:49,614 --> 01:29:51,365
Professor Popeye
is a cartoon.

1560
01:29:51,491 --> 01:29:52,742
No, I know this!

1561
01:29:57,414 --> 01:30:00,583
So, we're opening
300 Women's Centers,

1562
01:30:00,834 --> 01:30:04,754
but I'm going to have to take a
break for a little bit because

1563
01:30:05,422 --> 01:30:06,797
I'm pregnant.

1564
01:30:06,882 --> 01:30:08,049
What?

1565
01:30:11,762 --> 01:30:14,263
Are you having a boy
or an abortion?

1566
01:30:37,829 --> 01:30:38,871
Hello, gentlemen.
How you doin'?

1567
01:30:38,955 --> 01:30:40,498
Are you guys friends
of the deceased?

1568
01:30:40,582 --> 01:30:43,375
Do you want me to say this
in front of his widow?

1569
01:30:43,460 --> 01:30:44,502
I was his lover.

1570
01:30:44,586 --> 01:30:46,087
No. That is
not true.

1571
01:30:46,505 --> 01:30:48,506
I saw him perform
with the Globetrotters.

1572
01:30:48,590 --> 01:30:51,092
I thought
he was outstanding. I befriended him.

1573
01:30:51,176 --> 01:30:53,302
No, it's
a different person.

1574
01:30:53,386 --> 01:30:56,722
His message
of don't worry and being happy

1575
01:30:56,807 --> 01:30:57,973
was so powerful.

1576
01:30:58,058 --> 01:31:00,309
No, this is
Bobby McFerrin. I told you this outside.

1577
01:31:00,393 --> 01:31:02,645
Whatever the scandal
you went through,

1578
01:31:02,729 --> 01:31:04,563
you're still
the best golfer in the world.

1579
01:31:04,648 --> 01:31:05,815
Let's go.

1580
01:31:07,359 --> 01:31:08,734
O-M-G.

1581
01:31:09,820 --> 01:31:11,195
Oh, my God.

1582
01:31:14,115 --> 01:31:19,829
Oh, my...

1583
01:31:26,169 --> 01:31:27,294
Zoey.

1584
01:31:28,797 --> 01:31:31,006
That's some good head!

1585
01:31:33,260 --> 01:31:35,386
That is called payback
and it feels so good!

1586
01:31:35,470 --> 01:31:37,763
How did it feel for you?
How did it feel for you?

1587
01:31:37,848 --> 01:31:39,640
I prefer it with goats.

1588
01:31:40,350 --> 01:31:41,892
Where is
the Supreme Leader?

1589
01:31:41,977 --> 01:31:42,977
No, no.

1590
01:31:43,061 --> 01:31:45,479
Now that is
called payback!

1591
01:31:45,689 --> 01:31:47,022
Oh, great!

1592
01:31:52,445 --> 01:31:55,489
Don't touch it.
Don't touch it.

1593
01:31:55,949 --> 01:31:57,283
You don't have
to touch it.

1594
01:31:57,367 --> 01:31:58,409
Sorry. I was...

1595
01:31:58,493 --> 01:32:00,327
Just give us...
We don't...

1596
01:32:00,412 --> 01:38:41,228
Just give me
a couple of millimeters to myself.