1 00:00:06,000 --> 00:00:12,074 Advertise your product or brand here contact www.OpenSubtitles.org today 2 00:01:40,900 --> 00:01:44,337 We now turn to the hostile nation of North Korea. 3 00:01:44,436 --> 00:01:46,638 The rocket they are testing is believed to be big enough 4 00:01:46,739 --> 00:01:49,542 to reach the West Coast of the United States. 5 00:01:49,641 --> 00:01:52,111 Today, an official of the United Nations 6 00:01:52,212 --> 00:01:55,647 tried to tell the world... So there will be no mistake... 7 00:01:55,748 --> 00:01:59,118 That we are living in the midst of a modern-day Hitler. 8 00:01:59,218 --> 00:02:02,588 A young, untested leader with nuclear ambition. 9 00:02:02,688 --> 00:02:04,356 - Kim Jong-un. - Kim Jong-un. 10 00:02:04,456 --> 00:02:06,725 We are talking about Kim Jong-un. 11 00:02:06,825 --> 00:02:08,260 Good evening. 12 00:02:08,360 --> 00:02:10,162 I'm Dave Skylark. 13 00:02:10,263 --> 00:02:13,766 Tonight, we are joined by 13-time Grammy winner, 14 00:02:13,866 --> 00:02:16,136 Oscar-winning songwriter, 15 00:02:16,235 --> 00:02:18,570 Detroit's own Eminem. 16 00:02:18,670 --> 00:02:21,140 He'll speak with us about his new album, 17 00:02:21,241 --> 00:02:22,842 which has been mired in controversy 18 00:02:22,942 --> 00:02:27,747 concerning lyrics that some view as demeaning to the elderly. 19 00:02:27,847 --> 00:02:29,549 Tonight... 20 00:02:29,649 --> 00:02:31,283 on "Skylark Tonight." 21 00:02:39,824 --> 00:02:43,395 And... action. 22 00:02:43,496 --> 00:02:44,764 "It's hell to be Shady. 23 00:02:44,864 --> 00:02:47,332 "Yesterday I yelled a degrading insult 24 00:02:47,432 --> 00:02:49,334 "at an elderly lady. 25 00:02:49,435 --> 00:02:52,771 "Then I asked her how it felt to be 80. 26 00:02:52,872 --> 00:02:55,842 "'F' word a senior citizen. 27 00:02:55,942 --> 00:02:58,411 Suck a wiener, sit and spin." 28 00:02:58,510 --> 00:03:00,346 "Suck a wiener, sit and spin." 29 00:03:00,445 --> 00:03:01,580 It's funny. 30 00:03:01,681 --> 00:03:04,617 "And why you drive so slow for? 31 00:03:04,717 --> 00:03:06,386 "Don't you want to get where you're going faster 32 00:03:06,485 --> 00:03:10,455 "since you'll probably die tomorrow, you old whore? 33 00:03:10,556 --> 00:03:12,425 "Die, old bitch, die, 34 00:03:12,525 --> 00:03:14,260 before I murder you." 35 00:03:14,360 --> 00:03:16,196 What do you mean by this, Em? 36 00:03:16,295 --> 00:03:18,230 Well, first of all, I feel like, when I rap, 37 00:03:18,330 --> 00:03:21,667 like, people twist my words. 38 00:03:21,768 --> 00:03:23,368 Okay, but can you see 39 00:03:23,468 --> 00:03:26,271 how an old person might say, "I think 40 00:03:26,372 --> 00:03:30,510 "what this guy is telling me... this Eminem... is that I should 41 00:03:30,610 --> 00:03:33,846 go kill myself, and I... you know, I don't like that." 42 00:03:33,945 --> 00:03:36,348 I mean, I don't 43 00:03:36,449 --> 00:03:39,819 necessarily rap about the things that I hate. 44 00:03:39,919 --> 00:03:42,422 It's more about... the things that I fear. 45 00:03:42,521 --> 00:03:44,623 - I get you. - You know, it's like, 46 00:03:44,723 --> 00:03:47,693 - if I say something about women or whatever... -Yes. 47 00:03:47,794 --> 00:03:49,354 I think a lot of that is more or less me 48 00:03:49,395 --> 00:03:51,497 just dealing with issues with... 49 00:03:51,597 --> 00:03:53,533 you know, old issues with my mom or whatever. 50 00:03:53,633 --> 00:03:54,933 With your "mutha." 51 00:03:55,033 --> 00:03:57,302 Yeah, or-or... you know, 52 00:03:57,402 --> 00:03:58,722 when I say things about gay people 53 00:03:58,770 --> 00:04:00,405 or people think that my lyrics are homophobic, 54 00:04:00,506 --> 00:04:02,474 - Mm-hmm. - You know, it's because I'm gay. 55 00:04:02,574 --> 00:04:04,643 Um, when I rap about violence 56 00:04:04,743 --> 00:04:07,413 - Wait... -or, you know, sound like I'm promoting violence, 57 00:04:07,513 --> 00:04:09,716 I think that, uh... you know, 58 00:04:09,816 --> 00:04:11,651 - it's more or less because... - What? -What, what, what? 59 00:04:11,751 --> 00:04:13,831 You know, it's kind of... it's kind of about me just, 60 00:04:13,885 --> 00:04:15,454 you know, confronting it. 61 00:04:15,555 --> 00:04:16,923 - What did he just say? - Wait, can we play that...? 62 00:04:17,023 --> 00:04:18,658 - He said he was gay. - Did he just...? Dave? Dave? 63 00:04:18,757 --> 00:04:19,992 - Did he just say he was gay? - We're pretty sure 64 00:04:20,093 --> 00:04:21,995 in the booth we just heard him say he was gay. 65 00:04:22,095 --> 00:04:25,431 Em, let's just... back it up a moment. 66 00:04:25,531 --> 00:04:28,401 You... just said 67 00:04:28,500 --> 00:04:30,469 that you were gay? 68 00:04:30,569 --> 00:04:33,605 Um... and I'm just curious 69 00:04:33,706 --> 00:04:35,708 what you meant by that exactly. 70 00:04:35,807 --> 00:04:37,677 I mean I'm gay. 71 00:04:37,776 --> 00:04:40,812 Uh, I'm just a little confused here, because "gay" 72 00:04:40,913 --> 00:04:42,415 can mean a lot of things. 73 00:04:42,514 --> 00:04:43,815 I am a homosexual. 74 00:04:46,351 --> 00:04:48,820 Meaning...? 75 00:04:48,920 --> 00:04:50,889 I like men. 76 00:04:52,824 --> 00:04:54,593 What the fuck just happened? 77 00:04:54,694 --> 00:04:56,596 Eminem just said he was gay... four times. 78 00:04:56,696 --> 00:04:58,298 That's what the fuck just happened. 79 00:04:58,398 --> 00:04:59,432 - Holy shit. - Holy shit. 80 00:04:59,531 --> 00:05:00,699 Eminem's gay on our show. 81 00:05:00,800 --> 00:05:02,701 - Eminem's gay on our show! - Oh, my God! 82 00:05:02,802 --> 00:05:04,304 Camera two! Camera two! 83 00:05:04,403 --> 00:05:05,504 Gay Twitter! Gay Twitter's blowing up. 84 00:05:05,605 --> 00:05:06,885 - Holy shit. - Change the chyron. 85 00:05:06,973 --> 00:05:08,441 "Eminem Gay?!" Question mark, exclamation mark. 86 00:05:08,540 --> 00:05:11,043 Dave, keep him talking. Keep him talking. 87 00:05:11,144 --> 00:05:12,879 - Oh, my God. -Holy shit. Push in on gay Eminem! 88 00:05:12,978 --> 00:05:14,658 This is the greatest moment in gay history! 89 00:05:14,713 --> 00:05:17,916 ...are probably shocked by what you're saying right now. 90 00:05:18,016 --> 00:05:20,853 I'm more shocked that people haven't figured it out yet. 91 00:05:20,952 --> 00:05:23,455 I mean, it's kind of like I've been playing gay peekaboo. 92 00:05:23,555 --> 00:05:24,890 Gay peekaboo. 93 00:05:24,990 --> 00:05:26,325 Yeah. But, um... 94 00:05:26,425 --> 00:05:27,659 Shit. Camera one. Camera one. 95 00:05:27,759 --> 00:05:29,399 - This interview is over. Shut it off. -No! 96 00:05:29,428 --> 00:05:30,896 - Shut it off. -Get the fuck out of here, Darryl. 97 00:05:30,997 --> 00:05:32,632 I am Marshall's publicist, and I'm telling you, 98 00:05:32,732 --> 00:05:34,033 - pull the fucking plug right now. -No. This is gold. 99 00:05:34,132 --> 00:05:35,634 I am not cutting this interview off. 100 00:05:35,735 --> 00:05:37,002 This is the best interview we've ever done. 101 00:05:37,103 --> 00:05:38,638 - What happens if I just do this? - No, get out. 102 00:05:38,737 --> 00:05:41,540 Shut it off! Shut it off! 103 00:05:41,641 --> 00:05:43,475 Get him out of here! Get him the fuck out of here! 104 00:05:43,576 --> 00:05:44,877 I will murder you and everyone you love! 105 00:05:44,976 --> 00:05:47,045 Thank you. Dave, look, I got the lyrics. 106 00:05:47,146 --> 00:05:48,514 Say what I say: 107 00:05:48,613 --> 00:05:51,550 What did you mean when you rapped... 108 00:05:51,651 --> 00:05:53,752 "I said nice rectum, I had a..." 109 00:05:53,853 --> 00:05:55,487 "...vasectomy, Hector. 110 00:05:55,588 --> 00:05:57,757 "So you can't get pregnant 111 00:05:57,857 --> 00:06:00,893 if I bisexually wreck ya." 112 00:06:00,992 --> 00:06:02,961 I've pretty much just been leaving a... 113 00:06:03,062 --> 00:06:04,831 bread-crumb trail of gayness. 114 00:06:04,930 --> 00:06:06,665 - I see that now. - You know. 115 00:06:06,766 --> 00:06:07,900 But yeah, actually Hector... 116 00:06:08,000 --> 00:06:09,769 Hector was a... was a real person. 117 00:06:09,869 --> 00:06:12,038 Hector and his rectum were real? 118 00:06:12,137 --> 00:06:14,439 - Holy shit. -It's real! Hector rectum is real! 119 00:06:14,540 --> 00:06:17,777 - Yes! Yes! -Oh, I knew it! - Slim Shady, everyone! 120 00:06:17,877 --> 00:06:18,644 Dude! Dude! 121 00:06:18,744 --> 00:06:20,380 Aaron, bring it in. 122 00:06:20,480 --> 00:06:22,448 - Oh, my God. Oh, my God. - Bring it in, big boy! 123 00:06:22,548 --> 00:06:23,828 Oh, my God... 124 00:06:23,882 --> 00:06:25,851 - Oh...! - Oh, my God! 125 00:06:25,951 --> 00:06:27,420 What the heck just happened? 126 00:06:27,519 --> 00:06:28,854 The real Slim Shady just stood up. 127 00:06:28,954 --> 00:06:30,522 Oh! -That's what the fuck just happened. 128 00:06:30,622 --> 00:06:32,791 This is like Spike Lee just said he's white. 129 00:06:32,891 --> 00:06:34,171 I can't believe what's happened. 130 00:06:34,226 --> 00:06:36,128 - You da man! You da man! - You da man! 131 00:06:36,228 --> 00:06:37,396 You're the best. 132 00:06:37,497 --> 00:06:38,997 You're the best. You're the best. 133 00:06:39,098 --> 00:06:40,633 - Unreal. -All right, listen, I'm gonna go get my makeup off. 134 00:06:40,733 --> 00:06:41,834 I want you to meet me downstairs. 135 00:06:41,934 --> 00:06:43,102 I got something to show you. 136 00:06:43,201 --> 00:06:45,404 Dude, just... where are we going? 137 00:06:45,504 --> 00:06:47,406 I thought we were going to the Hamptons for the weekend, man. 138 00:06:47,507 --> 00:06:48,875 - No, no, no, no, no, no... - What is this place? 139 00:06:48,975 --> 00:06:51,811 We're just, you know... just hanging out. 140 00:06:51,911 --> 00:06:54,079 - Okay. -All right, all right, all right. 141 00:06:54,180 --> 00:06:55,947 It's a surprise party... for you. 142 00:06:56,048 --> 00:06:57,850 What? Why? Why did you just tell me that? 143 00:06:57,949 --> 00:06:59,418 Yes! I... 'Cause I'm so excited. 144 00:06:59,519 --> 00:07:01,420 This is gonna be great. This is gonna be great. 145 00:07:01,521 --> 00:07:02,687 I don't understand what's happening. 146 00:07:02,788 --> 00:07:04,723 Surprise! 147 00:07:04,824 --> 00:07:06,158 All right, all right. I already told him. 148 00:07:06,259 --> 00:07:07,860 I already told him. Come on, come on. 149 00:07:07,959 --> 00:07:09,561 You're best in the world, you fucking cocksucker. 150 00:07:09,661 --> 00:07:11,430 All right, not now, Malcolm. Not now, not now. Come on. 151 00:07:11,531 --> 00:07:13,531 - Come on. -Thank you. Why... why is this happening? 152 00:07:13,533 --> 00:07:15,100 You've been with us 153 00:07:15,201 --> 00:07:16,636 for 1,000 episodes. 154 00:07:16,735 --> 00:07:18,771 - Are you kidding me? - Ten years, baby! 155 00:07:18,870 --> 00:07:20,138 - Are you fucking... - Come on. 156 00:07:20,238 --> 00:07:22,174 I really do. It's, uh... I appreciate it. 157 00:07:22,274 --> 00:07:23,842 - All right. - Okay. 158 00:07:23,942 --> 00:07:25,444 All right, now, 159 00:07:25,545 --> 00:07:29,615 I know I like to keep it light, keep it fun. 160 00:07:29,714 --> 00:07:32,617 I'm gonna take it to a serious tip. 161 00:07:32,718 --> 00:07:34,987 I'm gonna talk about Aaron. 162 00:07:35,086 --> 00:07:37,456 Before we started working together, 163 00:07:37,557 --> 00:07:39,926 my show barely broke the top 15. 164 00:07:40,026 --> 00:07:41,927 So I called up this professor that worked 165 00:07:42,028 --> 00:07:43,828 at the Columbia School of Journalism that I... 166 00:07:43,829 --> 00:07:45,598 I was having sex with, and I said, 167 00:07:45,697 --> 00:07:49,067 "I need someone smarter than anyone in entertainment. 168 00:07:49,168 --> 00:07:51,137 I need a real journalist." 169 00:07:51,237 --> 00:07:54,907 Aaron, you are the Samwise Gamgee 170 00:07:55,007 --> 00:07:57,043 to my Frodo Baggins. 171 00:07:57,142 --> 00:08:00,612 You are the Gandalf to my Bilbo Baggins. 172 00:08:00,713 --> 00:08:03,783 But of all the Lord of the Rings references that I could make, 173 00:08:03,882 --> 00:08:05,150 this is the most important: 174 00:08:06,884 --> 00:08:09,622 I'm Gollum... 175 00:08:09,721 --> 00:08:12,224 ...and you're my precious. 176 00:08:13,891 --> 00:08:15,894 Smeagol needs Aaron. 177 00:08:15,995 --> 00:08:17,896 "One Ring to rule them all, 178 00:08:17,997 --> 00:08:20,500 and in the darkness bind them." 179 00:08:20,600 --> 00:08:23,236 Now, get up here! Get up here! 180 00:08:23,336 --> 00:08:25,705 - Come up here, buddy. I love you. -Okay. Okay. Okay. 181 00:08:25,805 --> 00:08:27,673 - I fucking love you. - Oh... 182 00:08:31,944 --> 00:08:33,778 Hey. 183 00:08:34,812 --> 00:08:36,048 Hey! 184 00:08:36,148 --> 00:08:38,050 Hey. 185 00:08:38,149 --> 00:08:40,819 Yeah. Like, what's that? 186 00:08:40,919 --> 00:08:41,920 Come on, man. What's happening? 187 00:08:42,020 --> 00:08:43,655 - Hey, yeah. - Hey, yeah. 188 00:08:43,755 --> 00:08:45,190 - Wh-What's happening? - How's it going, dude? 189 00:08:45,291 --> 00:08:47,927 We haven't seen each other since graduation, right? 190 00:08:48,027 --> 00:08:50,129 - Yeah. Probably. - Wow. And, uh... 191 00:08:50,229 --> 00:08:52,198 Wait. Am I wrong? Are you, like, a... 192 00:08:52,298 --> 00:08:54,533 you're a junior producer on "60 Minutes," right? 193 00:08:54,634 --> 00:08:55,768 I'm now a senior producer. 194 00:08:55,868 --> 00:08:57,169 - No way, man. - Yeah. Yeah. 195 00:08:57,269 --> 00:08:58,703 - That's awesome. - Thank you. 196 00:08:58,803 --> 00:09:01,841 Look at us... both producing news for television. 197 00:09:01,941 --> 00:09:03,009 Yeah. 198 00:09:03,109 --> 00:09:05,677 - What was that? - Nothing. 199 00:09:05,778 --> 00:09:07,846 It was clearly something. What's the joke? 200 00:09:07,947 --> 00:09:09,548 No, I mean, like, you've got your job, 201 00:09:09,649 --> 00:09:11,116 I got mine, but they're different, you know? 202 00:09:11,216 --> 00:09:12,585 Yours is cool; mine's just 203 00:09:12,684 --> 00:09:13,952 a little bit more serious, you know? 204 00:09:14,052 --> 00:09:16,121 What are you saying? We have the same job. 205 00:09:16,221 --> 00:09:19,257 I report real news... you know, stuff that matters... 206 00:09:19,357 --> 00:09:21,626 and then you report on all the cool 207 00:09:21,726 --> 00:09:22,727 "who's getting new boobs" and, like, 208 00:09:22,827 --> 00:09:24,262 the fun eating disorder stuff. 209 00:09:24,363 --> 00:09:26,132 You really helped build up "60 Minutes," too, right? 210 00:09:26,231 --> 00:09:27,766 They'd be nothing without you. 211 00:09:27,866 --> 00:09:29,267 It's only been on for 80 fucking years. 212 00:09:29,368 --> 00:09:30,836 Look, I... I'm sorry. 213 00:09:30,936 --> 00:09:32,238 I'm sorry... look... I shouldn't say this, 214 00:09:32,337 --> 00:09:34,173 but we got an opening over at "60 Minutes," 215 00:09:34,273 --> 00:09:36,142 and we could use somebody like you. 216 00:09:36,241 --> 00:09:37,776 Are you serious? 217 00:09:37,876 --> 00:09:39,578 I'm fucking with you, man. Come on! You? 218 00:09:39,678 --> 00:09:41,780 At where I work? You'd be eaten alive at our office. 219 00:09:41,880 --> 00:09:43,716 Okay, I'm gonna catch up with these guys, 220 00:09:43,816 --> 00:09:44,917 but cheers, man. 221 00:09:45,017 --> 00:09:47,153 Congrats... or whatever. 222 00:09:51,722 --> 00:09:53,725 When did the hair begin to go? 223 00:09:53,826 --> 00:09:55,226 I would say... 224 00:09:55,326 --> 00:09:56,928 around "The Outsiders." 225 00:10:00,264 --> 00:10:02,099 When you're ready. 226 00:10:02,100 --> 00:10:05,004 I don't think I'll ever be ready, but... 227 00:10:05,104 --> 00:10:07,139 - Oh, wig's coming off. - Oh. 228 00:10:12,677 --> 00:10:14,080 Whoa. 229 00:10:14,179 --> 00:10:15,747 Oh, Jesus fuck. 230 00:10:15,847 --> 00:10:17,750 Why does he keep the long pieces? 231 00:10:17,850 --> 00:10:19,619 His head looks like somebody's taint. 232 00:10:19,719 --> 00:10:21,887 - You barely look different. - Thanks, man. 233 00:10:21,986 --> 00:10:23,622 You... you said you were bald. 234 00:10:23,722 --> 00:10:25,290 I... I see a little stuff on top. 235 00:10:25,390 --> 00:10:27,158 - It's so freeing! - Rob... 236 00:10:27,259 --> 00:10:32,031 is there anything that you would like to say to America? 237 00:10:36,934 --> 00:10:37,936 Good evening. 238 00:10:38,037 --> 00:10:39,037 I'm Phillip Sterling 239 00:10:39,071 --> 00:10:40,940 with a UBS News Special Report. 240 00:10:41,039 --> 00:10:42,173 Whoa, whoa, whoa. 241 00:10:42,274 --> 00:10:43,875 Kim Jong-un's military forces 242 00:10:43,975 --> 00:10:46,312 targeted an uninhabited South Pacific island 243 00:10:46,412 --> 00:10:49,315 with a 15-megaton thermonuclear ICBM. 244 00:10:49,414 --> 00:10:50,949 Yo, Dave, we're not live anymore. 245 00:10:51,049 --> 00:10:52,851 - They just cut our feed. - We're off the air? 246 00:10:52,951 --> 00:10:55,888 Goddamn it! Rob, would you just put your fucking wig on? 247 00:10:55,988 --> 00:10:57,657 They fucked us! Goddamn it! 248 00:10:57,756 --> 00:10:59,190 Somebody tell me what's going on? 249 00:10:59,291 --> 00:11:03,729 Dude... seriously, what is up with you? 250 00:11:03,828 --> 00:11:06,064 You know how I'm good at picking up energies? 251 00:11:06,164 --> 00:11:08,800 Well, you're shooting off a slightly cunty vibe right now. 252 00:11:08,900 --> 00:11:10,368 What's going on? 253 00:11:10,469 --> 00:11:12,004 We have millions of viewers every night 254 00:11:12,104 --> 00:11:13,739 watching our show, and what do we do? 255 00:11:13,839 --> 00:11:15,274 We just shovel shit into their faces, man. 256 00:11:15,374 --> 00:11:17,076 We could be doing something positive. 257 00:11:17,176 --> 00:11:20,980 We could be having on authors, activists, politicians. 258 00:11:21,080 --> 00:11:22,982 That's what people want. "Give us some shit. 259 00:11:23,081 --> 00:11:24,817 "Mangia. We're the people. Give us the shit. 260 00:11:24,917 --> 00:11:26,686 Mangia, mangia, mangia." 261 00:11:26,785 --> 00:11:30,221 Dude, I wanted to cover actual news, not Nicki Minaj's vagina 262 00:11:30,322 --> 00:11:31,722 fuckin' flopping out at the Grammys. 263 00:11:31,791 --> 00:11:33,031 You don't like that brown sugar? 264 00:11:33,091 --> 00:11:34,693 Nothing to do with brown sugar. 265 00:11:34,793 --> 00:11:36,153 I just can't keep doing this, okay? 266 00:11:36,227 --> 00:11:37,328 We have to change. 267 00:11:40,865 --> 00:11:42,967 - Fine. - Are you serious right now? 268 00:11:43,067 --> 00:11:44,937 - Yeah. - Do you promise you'll do this? 269 00:11:45,037 --> 00:11:48,107 I promise if you promise you'll never leave. 270 00:11:48,206 --> 00:11:49,774 If you promise, then I'll promise. 271 00:11:49,875 --> 00:11:51,309 - Well, then, same time. - One, two, three. 272 00:11:51,409 --> 00:11:52,410 - Promise. - Promise. 273 00:11:52,510 --> 00:11:53,510 - Okay. - Okay. 274 00:11:53,546 --> 00:11:54,947 That's all we had to say. 275 00:11:55,047 --> 00:11:56,449 - Fine. - Don't put me through that. 276 00:11:56,548 --> 00:11:59,150 - Okay. - I hate it when we fight. 277 00:11:59,250 --> 00:12:01,386 No, this is not a joke, okay? 278 00:12:01,486 --> 00:12:03,154 Well, I think you're being kind of condescending. 279 00:12:03,254 --> 00:12:04,423 - Look! Look, look, look... - What? Yeah... one second. 280 00:12:04,523 --> 00:12:06,158 Shut up. I'm on the phone. 281 00:12:06,258 --> 00:12:07,893 Okay? Uh... 282 00:12:07,993 --> 00:12:10,996 Dude, what the fuck, man? That was John Kerry's office. 283 00:12:11,096 --> 00:12:12,264 Forget that oak-tree-looking fuck. 284 00:12:12,364 --> 00:12:14,399 This tops it. "The Times" printed it 285 00:12:14,500 --> 00:12:16,869 about... about North Korea. Read the bottom. 286 00:12:16,969 --> 00:12:19,472 After all the... the death camp shit. 287 00:12:19,572 --> 00:12:21,373 "Although Kim Jong-un rallies his people 288 00:12:21,472 --> 00:12:23,274 "with cries for the destruction 289 00:12:23,375 --> 00:12:25,443 "of the United States of America, he is known 290 00:12:25,543 --> 00:12:28,213 "to be an avid consumer of American entertainment. 291 00:12:28,313 --> 00:12:31,149 His favorite shows are 'The Big Bang Theory...'" 292 00:12:31,250 --> 00:12:33,085 And...? 293 00:12:33,184 --> 00:12:35,453 "...and 'Skylark Tonight.'" 294 00:12:35,553 --> 00:12:37,222 Oh! Boom! 295 00:12:39,191 --> 00:12:40,392 This is great! 296 00:12:40,491 --> 00:12:42,227 This is what you were talking about. 297 00:12:42,327 --> 00:12:44,329 I interview this guy. 298 00:12:44,429 --> 00:12:45,997 Are you joking me, man? He's the most 299 00:12:46,097 --> 00:12:47,198 reclusive leader on the planet. 300 00:12:47,298 --> 00:12:48,800 It's not gonna happen. 301 00:12:48,900 --> 00:12:50,769 He lives in North Korea. We can't go there. 302 00:12:50,870 --> 00:12:53,905 Dave Skylark... gets in anywhere. 303 00:12:54,005 --> 00:12:55,807 You remember that club? 304 00:12:55,908 --> 00:12:57,176 Three-month waiting list. 305 00:12:57,275 --> 00:12:58,843 First night. 306 00:12:58,943 --> 00:13:01,045 I don't think it's quite the same thing. 307 00:13:01,145 --> 00:13:03,181 Well, there were a lot of Asian girls there. 308 00:13:03,282 --> 00:13:04,450 It's impossible, Dave. 309 00:13:04,549 --> 00:13:05,817 Here's what we're gonna do. 310 00:13:05,918 --> 00:13:07,418 We're gonna do that interview, 311 00:13:07,519 --> 00:13:11,023 everyone is gonna take you super-duper seriously, 312 00:13:11,123 --> 00:13:13,526 and then you're never gonna leave me. 313 00:13:13,625 --> 00:13:15,461 North Korea's in the Olympics, right? 314 00:13:15,561 --> 00:13:17,495 I bet they have an office that is 315 00:13:17,596 --> 00:13:19,197 set up to communicate with the Olympic Committee, 316 00:13:19,298 --> 00:13:20,432 so there's probably 317 00:13:20,532 --> 00:13:22,368 some infrastructure for communicating with 318 00:13:22,467 --> 00:13:24,068 the outside world through that. 319 00:13:24,168 --> 00:13:25,804 Good idea. Those wheels are turning. 320 00:13:25,904 --> 00:13:27,472 - If I leave a message for that office... -Yeah. 321 00:13:27,572 --> 00:13:29,341 - then maybe, if they're a fan of the show, -Mm-hmm. 322 00:13:29,441 --> 00:13:31,143 - Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. - That can actually work. 323 00:13:31,243 --> 00:13:33,212 - We could interview the most famous man on the planet. -Yeah. 324 00:13:33,312 --> 00:13:34,947 - That would be the biggest interview ever. -Yeah... 325 00:13:35,047 --> 00:13:36,481 Guys, guys, guys, guys! I don't know if you've 326 00:13:36,581 --> 00:13:38,261 heard this, but some pictures just came out 327 00:13:38,350 --> 00:13:39,884 where it looks like McConaughey's fucking a goat. 328 00:13:39,985 --> 00:13:42,221 - Whoa. "McConaughey Goat Fuck"? - Ew... 329 00:13:42,321 --> 00:13:43,956 McConaughey Goat Fuck. 330 00:13:44,056 --> 00:13:45,391 Uh... 331 00:13:45,490 --> 00:13:48,026 Okay, we obviously have to have him on to do that, 332 00:13:48,126 --> 00:13:49,460 so... we should put that together. 333 00:13:49,561 --> 00:13:51,363 But we're doing this North Korea thing, okay? 334 00:13:51,462 --> 00:13:53,264 - First thing tomorrow. Okay. - Book him, though. Book him. 335 00:13:53,365 --> 00:13:55,000 - Get him, get him, get him! Get the goat! -I'm on him. 336 00:13:55,100 --> 00:13:56,836 Get the goat! 337 00:13:56,936 --> 00:13:58,838 I got some questions for that goat. 338 00:14:04,943 --> 00:14:07,378 Hello. This is Aaron Rapoport from "Skylark Tonight." 339 00:14:07,479 --> 00:14:09,281 We heard your Supreme Leader is a big fan 340 00:14:09,380 --> 00:14:11,382 of our show, and we'd love to have him on. 341 00:14:11,482 --> 00:14:14,018 Uh, please get back to me and let me know. 342 00:14:14,119 --> 00:14:16,154 I'm about to head to an important meeting, 343 00:14:16,254 --> 00:14:17,990 but, uh, I'll be around in the morning. 344 00:14:18,090 --> 00:14:19,370 Hope to hear from you. 345 00:14:19,424 --> 00:14:22,060 Ooh! Yeah. 346 00:14:23,160 --> 00:14:24,562 - Hi. - Hey. 347 00:14:24,663 --> 00:14:27,566 Uh, Mercer and Spring, please. 348 00:14:27,666 --> 00:14:29,568 Whoo! 349 00:14:36,674 --> 00:14:38,043 Hello? 350 00:14:38,143 --> 00:14:39,445 Hello. Who dis? 351 00:14:39,544 --> 00:14:41,279 I am trying to reach Aaron Rapoport. 352 00:14:41,379 --> 00:14:42,615 You got Aaron Rapoport. 353 00:14:42,715 --> 00:14:44,884 - Who dis is? - You left word 354 00:14:44,984 --> 00:14:46,118 with our office regarding an interview. 355 00:14:46,217 --> 00:14:47,586 Look, Dave, is this you? 356 00:14:47,686 --> 00:14:49,054 'Cause if it is, 357 00:14:49,153 --> 00:14:51,423 you're doing a terrible Asian accent. 358 00:14:51,523 --> 00:14:52,957 Me so "solly." 359 00:14:53,057 --> 00:14:55,126 Me gots to go now, son. 360 00:14:55,226 --> 00:14:57,096 I am from the office of Sook-yin Park, 361 00:14:57,196 --> 00:14:58,898 Secretary of Communications 362 00:14:58,998 --> 00:15:01,078 with the Democratic People's Republic of North Korea. 363 00:15:01,166 --> 00:15:03,035 Oh, my God. Uh... 364 00:15:03,134 --> 00:15:04,636 Shit. Uh, me so solly. 365 00:15:04,736 --> 00:15:06,905 I mean, I'm so solly. I mean, I-I'm so sor... 366 00:15:07,005 --> 00:15:09,975 I'm-I'm... I'm so sorry. I'm sorry. 367 00:15:10,075 --> 00:15:12,645 We would like to discuss the possibility of a meeting 368 00:15:12,745 --> 00:15:15,047 between the Supreme Leader and Dave Skylark. 369 00:15:15,147 --> 00:15:16,248 Security concerns dictate 370 00:15:16,347 --> 00:15:18,449 that the matter be discussed in person. 371 00:15:18,549 --> 00:15:21,085 Uh, okay, great. Where... where do you do that? 372 00:15:21,186 --> 00:15:24,490 We will meet at latitude 40.1326, 373 00:15:24,590 --> 00:15:27,393 longitude 123.9889. 374 00:15:27,493 --> 00:15:29,228 Just 'cause I'm not, like, totally familiar 375 00:15:29,327 --> 00:15:30,495 with my longitudes and latitudes, 376 00:15:30,596 --> 00:15:32,197 where is that again? 377 00:15:32,297 --> 00:15:35,634 50 kilometers west of Dandong, northeastern China. 378 00:15:35,734 --> 00:15:37,469 Did you just say "China"? 379 00:15:37,568 --> 00:15:39,471 And did you just say "dong"? 380 00:15:46,412 --> 00:15:48,314 Going to motherfucking China, y'all. 381 00:16:05,764 --> 00:16:07,365 Excuse me, can I get in there? 382 00:16:07,466 --> 00:16:09,134 Thank you. 383 00:16:09,234 --> 00:16:10,602 Hi, there. 384 00:16:12,370 --> 00:16:14,206 No, thank you. 385 00:16:14,306 --> 00:16:17,442 I'll just get it through secondhand smoke. 386 00:16:19,309 --> 00:16:21,412 Selfie! 387 00:16:49,807 --> 00:16:51,442 Well, where the fuck are they? 388 00:16:51,543 --> 00:16:54,379 What the fuck? 389 00:17:09,193 --> 00:17:10,428 No, no! 390 00:17:28,747 --> 00:17:30,115 No! No! 391 00:17:30,214 --> 00:17:31,750 I'm an American journalist! 392 00:17:31,849 --> 00:17:32,849 Aaron Rapoport! 393 00:17:32,917 --> 00:17:33,917 I was invited here! 394 00:17:35,354 --> 00:17:36,555 I come in peace! 395 00:17:36,654 --> 00:17:37,689 I'm here for interview! 396 00:17:37,788 --> 00:17:41,359 Please don't kill me! 397 00:17:52,769 --> 00:17:56,508 Mr. Rapoport, I am Sook-yin Park. 398 00:17:56,607 --> 00:17:59,077 The Supreme Leader will grant a one-hour interview 399 00:17:59,178 --> 00:18:01,380 to Mr. Skylark from inside North Korea. 400 00:18:01,480 --> 00:18:04,316 All questions will be supplied by the Supreme Leader himself. 401 00:18:04,415 --> 00:18:07,653 Terms are nonnegotiable. You have 24 hours to decide. 402 00:18:07,752 --> 00:18:10,655 - That's it? - Yes. 403 00:18:10,756 --> 00:18:12,724 Why didn't you guys tell me this over the phone? 404 00:18:12,824 --> 00:18:14,660 Or Skype? Do you guys have Skype? 405 00:18:14,759 --> 00:18:16,528 Do you have Skype here? Okay. 406 00:18:16,627 --> 00:18:18,429 Well, look, can you give me some water? 407 00:18:18,529 --> 00:18:20,398 That guy has water! 408 00:18:20,499 --> 00:18:22,500 Please give me a ride somewhere! 409 00:18:22,601 --> 00:18:24,536 I didn't pack well for this trip! 410 00:18:24,635 --> 00:18:26,404 I packed like a fool! 411 00:18:26,505 --> 00:18:28,740 Like a goddamn fool! 412 00:18:28,839 --> 00:18:31,809 Please! Please! 413 00:18:31,910 --> 00:18:34,146 Whoa. 414 00:18:47,625 --> 00:18:49,428 Damn, she was sexy. 415 00:18:49,528 --> 00:18:51,829 The fucking helicopter landed. 416 00:18:51,930 --> 00:18:53,465 I'm in the middle of nowhere. 417 00:18:53,565 --> 00:18:55,134 Two soldiers jump out. 418 00:18:55,233 --> 00:18:56,393 I think I'm gonna get killed. 419 00:18:56,401 --> 00:18:58,737 Then, out comes Sook. 420 00:18:58,836 --> 00:18:59,836 I told you about her. 421 00:18:59,837 --> 00:19:01,373 She comes out of the helicopter. 422 00:19:01,472 --> 00:19:03,241 - She's hot, super sexy. - How hot? 423 00:19:03,342 --> 00:19:04,910 - Did you get in there? -Yeah, I fucked her in the helicopter. 424 00:19:05,009 --> 00:19:06,310 My fucking man! 425 00:19:06,411 --> 00:19:08,881 No, I didn't do that, dude. No! 426 00:19:08,980 --> 00:19:10,781 - Okay. -She said we couldn't ask any of our own questions. 427 00:19:10,882 --> 00:19:13,185 They were gonna write all the questions. 428 00:19:13,285 --> 00:19:14,319 We can't do it. 429 00:19:14,419 --> 00:19:15,586 We're essentially letting him 430 00:19:15,686 --> 00:19:18,156 interview himself with your mouth. 431 00:19:18,257 --> 00:19:19,458 Look! 432 00:19:19,557 --> 00:19:20,625 Look at this buttfuck! 433 00:19:20,726 --> 00:19:22,861 He's got a whole parade of nukes. 434 00:19:22,961 --> 00:19:24,229 He's ready to use them. 435 00:19:24,328 --> 00:19:26,397 When you score a bin Laden 436 00:19:26,498 --> 00:19:29,401 or a Hitler or an Un, 437 00:19:29,500 --> 00:19:31,869 you take it by the balls! 438 00:19:31,970 --> 00:19:33,605 It's the first rule of journalism. 439 00:19:33,704 --> 00:19:35,606 You give the people what they want. 440 00:19:35,707 --> 00:19:36,909 That's not the first rule of journalism. 441 00:19:37,009 --> 00:19:38,289 I think that's the first rule of, 442 00:19:38,376 --> 00:19:39,856 like, circuses and demolition derbies. 443 00:19:39,877 --> 00:19:42,880 This is the biggest interview since Frosty Nixon. 444 00:19:42,980 --> 00:19:44,883 - Frosty Nixon? - I mean, in ten years, 445 00:19:44,982 --> 00:19:47,251 Ron Howard's gonna make a movie out of this. 446 00:19:47,352 --> 00:19:48,487 We do this, we can interview 447 00:19:48,586 --> 00:19:51,390 any president on the planet. 448 00:19:51,490 --> 00:19:54,192 And then you can ask them the real questions. 449 00:19:54,292 --> 00:19:57,361 This is like eating our vegetables. 450 00:19:57,461 --> 00:19:58,596 Once you eat those, 451 00:19:58,696 --> 00:20:00,398 then you get to eat the steak. 452 00:20:00,499 --> 00:20:02,500 And we know Aaron wants his steak. 453 00:20:02,601 --> 00:20:05,370 This is like... 454 00:20:05,470 --> 00:20:06,505 "The Lord of the Rings." 455 00:20:06,605 --> 00:20:08,272 Okay? 456 00:20:08,373 --> 00:20:11,710 I'm actually like Frodo Baggins. 457 00:20:13,644 --> 00:20:16,682 And you are my Sam. 458 00:20:16,781 --> 00:20:17,949 My Samwise. 459 00:20:18,049 --> 00:20:19,917 I can't do it without you. 460 00:20:20,018 --> 00:20:21,653 - Okay. - Come with me. 461 00:20:21,752 --> 00:20:23,288 To Mordor. 462 00:20:23,387 --> 00:20:24,956 Okay, let's fucking do it. 463 00:20:25,057 --> 00:20:26,692 - Yeah? - Yeah. 464 00:20:30,060 --> 00:20:32,830 As always, I'd like to thank my guest, 465 00:20:32,931 --> 00:20:34,466 Joe Gordon-Levitt. 466 00:20:34,566 --> 00:20:35,733 And before we go, 467 00:20:35,834 --> 00:20:38,570 I have a very special announcement. 468 00:20:38,670 --> 00:20:41,807 With the help of my outstanding producer, 469 00:20:41,906 --> 00:20:44,809 Aaron Rapoport, I've secured the most important interview 470 00:20:44,910 --> 00:20:47,246 of the 21st century. 471 00:20:47,346 --> 00:20:49,280 Three weeks from tonight, 472 00:20:49,381 --> 00:20:52,351 I will be traveling to Pyongyang, North Korea, 473 00:20:52,451 --> 00:20:56,355 to conduct the first globally broadcast interview 474 00:20:56,454 --> 00:20:58,423 with President Kim Jong-un. 475 00:20:58,522 --> 00:21:01,859 I am deeply humbled and profoundly honored 476 00:21:01,960 --> 00:21:05,430 to accept this most awesome responsibility. 477 00:21:05,529 --> 00:21:07,865 Apparently, Dave Skylark will be interviewing 478 00:21:07,965 --> 00:21:09,834 the dictator of North Korea. 479 00:21:09,934 --> 00:21:11,903 100 bucks Skylark thinks 480 00:21:12,002 --> 00:21:13,838 he's the guy from "Gangnam Style." 481 00:21:13,939 --> 00:21:16,608 Obscene glorification of a brutal dictator. 482 00:21:16,708 --> 00:21:18,442 This is a man who tortures, 483 00:21:18,542 --> 00:21:20,678 terrorizes and starves his own people. 484 00:21:20,778 --> 00:21:23,448 - Skylark is beneath despicable. - Fuck this. 485 00:21:23,548 --> 00:21:25,517 Meeee-ow. 486 00:21:25,616 --> 00:21:28,052 What a fucking bitch, am I right? 487 00:21:28,153 --> 00:21:29,721 No, you're not right. 488 00:21:29,820 --> 00:21:31,722 He's not being a bitch. He's completely right. 489 00:21:31,823 --> 00:21:35,527 He's motherfucking peanut butter and jealous. 490 00:21:35,626 --> 00:21:37,028 - He's not jealous. - He's putting 491 00:21:37,128 --> 00:21:39,030 KY jealous all over his dick. 492 00:21:39,131 --> 00:21:41,033 What is there to be jealous of? 493 00:21:41,133 --> 00:21:43,067 Fuckers hate us 'cause they ain't us. 494 00:21:43,167 --> 00:21:44,735 They hates us 'cause we "anus"? 495 00:21:44,836 --> 00:21:46,716 What the fuck does an anus have to do with this? 496 00:21:46,805 --> 00:21:49,074 They hate us 'cause they ain't us. 497 00:21:49,173 --> 00:21:50,808 That's not what it is. 498 00:21:50,909 --> 00:21:52,344 - Yes, it is. - No, it's not. 499 00:21:52,443 --> 00:21:53,711 They hate us 'cause we is us, 500 00:21:53,811 --> 00:21:55,813 and what we is doing is fucking terrible. 501 00:21:55,913 --> 00:21:57,715 They fucking hate us 'cause they ain't us. 502 00:21:57,816 --> 00:21:59,750 - Stop saying that. They don't - Hate us 'cause they ain't us. 503 00:21:59,851 --> 00:22:01,820 - Hate us 'cause they ain't us! - Hate us 'cause they ain't us! 504 00:22:01,920 --> 00:22:03,689 - They don't hate us 'cause they ain't us. -I'm used to it. 505 00:22:03,788 --> 00:22:05,788 - Hate us 'cause they ain't us. - Stop it. Stop it. 506 00:22:05,824 --> 00:22:08,060 - Don't say it again. - Shh. 507 00:22:08,160 --> 00:22:09,661 Baby. 508 00:22:09,760 --> 00:22:11,629 Haters gonna hate. 509 00:22:13,030 --> 00:22:14,566 And ain't-ers gonna ain't. 510 00:22:14,665 --> 00:22:17,068 That is not an actual thing people say. 511 00:22:17,169 --> 00:22:18,937 This is what you do to haters. 512 00:22:19,037 --> 00:22:21,840 You just smile. 513 00:22:28,012 --> 00:22:29,947 What is that? 514 00:22:30,048 --> 00:22:32,951 The strongest ecstasy I've ever done in my life. 515 00:22:53,571 --> 00:22:55,005 Oh... 516 00:22:55,105 --> 00:22:57,075 Oh, what the fuck? 517 00:22:58,777 --> 00:23:00,379 Okay. 518 00:23:01,645 --> 00:23:02,748 Okay, I'm coming. 519 00:23:08,452 --> 00:23:09,954 Oh, shit. 520 00:23:11,789 --> 00:23:13,557 Oh... oh, God. 521 00:23:16,093 --> 00:23:17,429 Mr. Rapoport. 522 00:23:17,528 --> 00:23:18,896 I'm Agent Lacey 523 00:23:18,997 --> 00:23:20,132 with Central Intelligence, 524 00:23:20,231 --> 00:23:21,700 and this is my partner, Agent Botwin. 525 00:23:21,799 --> 00:23:23,601 Aaron, whoever that is, 526 00:23:23,701 --> 00:23:24,869 tell them to fuck off. 527 00:23:24,970 --> 00:23:26,704 Dave, it's, uh, 528 00:23:26,805 --> 00:23:29,841 - it's not... -Yo, I don't know who I fucked last night, 529 00:23:29,941 --> 00:23:32,177 but I got some stink dick. 530 00:23:32,277 --> 00:23:35,180 Yo, my dick stinks! 531 00:23:35,279 --> 00:23:37,782 So weird how you, like, 532 00:23:37,883 --> 00:23:40,050 just want to keep smelling it, though. 533 00:23:40,151 --> 00:23:42,487 Yo, you got to come over and smell this shit. 534 00:23:42,586 --> 00:23:43,721 Yo, come smell this. 535 00:23:43,821 --> 00:23:44,855 You got to identify this. 536 00:23:44,955 --> 00:23:46,057 I don't know what it is. 537 00:23:46,156 --> 00:23:47,826 Excuse him. 538 00:23:47,925 --> 00:23:49,160 He has stink dick. 539 00:23:49,260 --> 00:23:51,430 It kind of smells like guacamole. 540 00:23:51,529 --> 00:23:53,131 May we come in? 541 00:23:53,230 --> 00:23:55,433 Would you, um, 542 00:23:55,534 --> 00:23:58,603 like a drink or some of Aaron's cocaine? 543 00:23:58,702 --> 00:24:00,638 This is not our cocaine. This is... 544 00:24:00,739 --> 00:24:02,073 No, I'm sure it's not. 545 00:24:02,173 --> 00:24:05,509 So, uh, how can we, uh, what can we do you for? 546 00:24:05,609 --> 00:24:07,144 - Yeah, to what do we owe the pleasure? -AARON: Yeah. 547 00:24:07,244 --> 00:24:08,679 Well, Aaron, Dave, 548 00:24:08,779 --> 00:24:09,847 as I'm sure 549 00:24:09,948 --> 00:24:11,615 you know already, 550 00:24:11,715 --> 00:24:12,883 Kim Jong-un is now capable 551 00:24:12,983 --> 00:24:16,187 of nuking all of the West Coast. 552 00:24:16,288 --> 00:24:18,789 The point is we're talking about nuclear nations 553 00:24:18,890 --> 00:24:20,792 at war with each other. 554 00:24:20,892 --> 00:24:22,160 Nuclear. 555 00:24:22,259 --> 00:24:23,561 He does have one 556 00:24:23,662 --> 00:24:25,896 tactical advantage over the West. 557 00:24:25,997 --> 00:24:28,900 He's more than willing to let millions and millions 558 00:24:29,000 --> 00:24:30,469 of his own people die. 559 00:24:30,568 --> 00:24:33,704 Ba-bam. Explosions. All over my face. 560 00:24:33,805 --> 00:24:35,907 I'm sorry, we had kind of a long night last night. 561 00:24:36,007 --> 00:24:37,075 Why are you telling us 562 00:24:37,174 --> 00:24:38,976 - all this information? - Well, 563 00:24:39,076 --> 00:24:41,980 well, we're telling you this because you two lucky gentlemen 564 00:24:42,079 --> 00:24:43,914 are going to be in a room alone with him, 565 00:24:44,015 --> 00:24:45,484 and congratulations, by the way. 566 00:24:45,584 --> 00:24:46,918 That's right! 567 00:24:47,018 --> 00:24:48,698 Which is part of the reason why we're here. 568 00:24:48,752 --> 00:24:50,187 The CIA would love it 569 00:24:50,288 --> 00:24:52,557 if you two could... 570 00:24:52,656 --> 00:24:54,558 take him out. 571 00:24:56,059 --> 00:24:57,796 Hmm? 572 00:24:57,895 --> 00:24:59,530 - Take him out. - Take him out? 573 00:24:59,631 --> 00:25:01,199 - Like, for drinks? - No, no, no. 574 00:25:01,298 --> 00:25:03,067 - Take him out. - Take out. 575 00:25:03,167 --> 00:25:04,902 - Like, to dinner? - Take him out to a meal? 576 00:25:05,002 --> 00:25:06,203 Take him out. 577 00:25:06,304 --> 00:25:07,906 - Like, on the town? - Party? 578 00:25:08,006 --> 00:25:09,908 No, uh... 579 00:25:10,008 --> 00:25:12,076 take him out. 580 00:25:12,176 --> 00:25:15,746 You want us to assassinate the leader of North Korea? 581 00:25:15,846 --> 00:25:18,682 - Yes. - What...?! 582 00:25:18,782 --> 00:25:20,142 If we kill him, won't they just get 583 00:25:20,218 --> 00:25:21,738 another chubby dude with a goofy hairdo 584 00:25:21,786 --> 00:25:23,121 to come in and replace him? 585 00:25:23,221 --> 00:25:25,757 - Exactly, exactly. -And then the same thing happens? 586 00:25:25,856 --> 00:25:27,625 Uh, actually, we're aware of a small faction 587 00:25:27,726 --> 00:25:30,095 in the existing leadership that already wants him gone. 588 00:25:30,194 --> 00:25:32,596 They want change; they're too scared to act alone, 589 00:25:32,696 --> 00:25:33,998 and they need you two to go in there... 590 00:25:34,098 --> 00:25:35,266 Hmm... 591 00:25:35,366 --> 00:25:39,136 remove Kim, embolden them to revolt 592 00:25:39,237 --> 00:25:41,105 and take over. 593 00:25:41,205 --> 00:25:44,542 Are you, Agent Lacey, going to be involved? 594 00:25:44,643 --> 00:25:47,645 I am going to be in your ear, 595 00:25:47,746 --> 00:25:51,115 by your side, every step of the way. 596 00:25:51,215 --> 00:25:53,984 Then I have one answer. 597 00:25:54,085 --> 00:25:55,921 No more Kim. 598 00:25:56,020 --> 00:25:57,755 Uh, you know what? 599 00:25:57,855 --> 00:25:59,057 Actually, I think we should talk about it more. 600 00:25:59,156 --> 00:26:00,791 - Okay, all right. - Okay, let's just... 601 00:26:00,892 --> 00:26:01,860 - We're just gonna talk. - We're just gonna talk. 602 00:26:01,960 --> 00:26:02,960 By all means. 603 00:26:02,993 --> 00:26:03,993 Just for the record, 604 00:26:03,994 --> 00:26:05,996 I don't have stink dick. 605 00:26:06,096 --> 00:26:08,333 Come over here, come here, come in here... 606 00:26:08,432 --> 00:26:11,135 I think we need to do this. 607 00:26:11,236 --> 00:26:13,672 She is so cool. 608 00:26:13,771 --> 00:26:15,811 You don't see what's happening, and it's so obvious. 609 00:26:15,906 --> 00:26:16,907 - It's crazy, man. - What? 610 00:26:17,008 --> 00:26:18,677 They're honeypotting us. 611 00:26:18,777 --> 00:26:19,857 - What? - It's an attractive 612 00:26:19,911 --> 00:26:21,278 spy woman who lures men 613 00:26:21,378 --> 00:26:22,780 into doing shit they're not supposed to do. 614 00:26:22,881 --> 00:26:24,015 How can you not see that? 615 00:26:24,115 --> 00:26:26,750 - Because that is so sexist. - Is it? 616 00:26:26,851 --> 00:26:27,851 - This is 2014. - Dude... 617 00:26:27,885 --> 00:26:29,220 Women are smart now. 618 00:26:29,319 --> 00:26:31,088 Do you actually think she just so happens 619 00:26:31,189 --> 00:26:32,990 to have everything you find attractive? 620 00:26:33,090 --> 00:26:35,826 Bangs, giant tits, glasses? 621 00:26:35,926 --> 00:26:36,926 They're fake, man. 622 00:26:36,994 --> 00:26:38,295 Fake glasses? 623 00:26:38,395 --> 00:26:40,164 How could the CIA come up with such a thing? 624 00:26:40,265 --> 00:26:41,932 Well, that poor girl is blind as a bat. 625 00:26:42,032 --> 00:26:44,802 Okay, I'm just saying that when we're on Molly 626 00:26:44,903 --> 00:26:46,337 and when we're horned up might not be... 627 00:26:46,438 --> 00:26:47,339 - Horned up? - You are horned up. 628 00:26:47,439 --> 00:26:48,840 Oh, please! 629 00:26:48,940 --> 00:26:52,043 You got half a fucking chub right now! 630 00:26:52,143 --> 00:26:53,812 - Take your hands away. - Hmm-mm. 631 00:26:53,912 --> 00:26:55,313 - I saw the boner. - I'm not taking my hands away. 632 00:26:55,413 --> 00:26:56,981 Move your fucking hands. 633 00:26:57,082 --> 00:26:58,216 Fine, you want to see it? 634 00:26:58,316 --> 00:27:00,018 - Yeah. - Feast your eyes. 635 00:27:00,117 --> 00:27:01,086 Okay, here's what's gonna happen. 636 00:27:01,185 --> 00:27:02,425 I'm gonna poop out these drugs. 637 00:27:02,487 --> 00:27:03,688 You're gonna go jerk off these thoughts. 638 00:27:03,788 --> 00:27:05,323 If we both still want to talk 639 00:27:05,423 --> 00:27:07,959 about this afterwards, then we can, but not until then. 640 00:27:08,058 --> 00:27:11,028 Dave Skylark never backs down from a jerk-off. 641 00:27:13,396 --> 00:27:15,700 In three days, 642 00:27:15,799 --> 00:27:17,868 you will fly from New York to Beijing, 643 00:27:17,969 --> 00:27:20,238 where you will transfer to a commercial airline 644 00:27:20,337 --> 00:27:22,641 that takes you directly to Pyongyang. 645 00:27:22,740 --> 00:27:24,142 I'm sorry, this is completely unrelated, 646 00:27:24,241 --> 00:27:27,645 but, um, what happened to your glasses? 647 00:27:28,813 --> 00:27:31,816 Oh, I... I got LASIK. 648 00:27:31,915 --> 00:27:33,350 Between the time I saw you and now? 649 00:27:33,451 --> 00:27:35,854 - Yes. - Okay. 650 00:27:35,953 --> 00:27:37,989 Now, our intelligence suggests that you will be taken here, 651 00:27:38,088 --> 00:27:40,958 to Kim Jong-un's personal compound. 652 00:27:41,058 --> 00:27:43,293 So, preceding the interview, 653 00:27:43,394 --> 00:27:45,363 you are going to shake Kim's hand, 654 00:27:45,462 --> 00:27:48,832 administering a fatal dose of poison 655 00:27:48,932 --> 00:27:51,403 with this, a transdermal time-delayed 656 00:27:51,502 --> 00:27:52,903 ricin strip. 657 00:27:53,003 --> 00:27:54,371 When you shake his hand, 658 00:27:54,471 --> 00:27:57,741 the poison will be absorbed into his skin, 659 00:27:57,842 --> 00:28:00,745 where it metabolizes for a 12-hour period. 660 00:28:00,845 --> 00:28:03,748 Nobody will have any idea you two were involved. 661 00:28:03,847 --> 00:28:05,383 No one will know? 662 00:28:05,482 --> 00:28:09,788 The United States must maintain total and complete deniability. 663 00:28:09,887 --> 00:28:12,122 - Total deniability? - Obviously. 664 00:28:12,222 --> 00:28:13,857 - This isn't what I pictured. - What did you picture? 665 00:28:13,958 --> 00:28:15,759 I walk in there like a fucking gangster 666 00:28:15,859 --> 00:28:17,928 and blow his little fucking ass away 667 00:28:18,028 --> 00:28:19,263 on television. 668 00:28:19,364 --> 00:28:22,400 This is a major television event. 669 00:28:22,500 --> 00:28:25,103 You don't want to blow it with offscreen death. 670 00:28:25,202 --> 00:28:27,004 Okay? 671 00:28:27,105 --> 00:28:30,741 Look, in porno, we call this the money shot. 672 00:28:30,842 --> 00:28:32,711 You don't have a bunch of dudes going at it, 673 00:28:32,810 --> 00:28:35,413 and then right before they finish, you cut to black 674 00:28:35,512 --> 00:28:36,947 and say, "Oh, don't worry, 675 00:28:37,048 --> 00:28:39,017 12 hours later, they came all over each other." 676 00:28:39,116 --> 00:28:40,918 No! We want 677 00:28:41,019 --> 00:28:42,287 the all-over close-up. 678 00:28:42,386 --> 00:28:43,153 All over his face. 679 00:28:43,253 --> 00:28:45,490 The end! 680 00:28:45,589 --> 00:28:47,357 Ah... 681 00:28:48,358 --> 00:28:49,827 Bam! 682 00:28:49,928 --> 00:28:51,062 What kind of porn are you watching? 683 00:28:51,162 --> 00:28:52,522 What happens when all of his guards 684 00:28:52,529 --> 00:28:54,732 start firing back at you for killing their leader 685 00:28:54,833 --> 00:28:56,167 right in front of them? 686 00:28:56,267 --> 00:28:58,036 - That's a good question. - My bulletproof vest... 687 00:28:58,135 --> 00:29:00,238 No, you don't have a bulletproof vest. 688 00:29:00,337 --> 00:29:02,840 - You don't have one of those. - I will dodge those bullets. 689 00:29:02,941 --> 00:29:04,976 What happens after you escape the compound, Dave? 690 00:29:05,076 --> 00:29:06,344 I look back over my shoulder. 691 00:29:06,443 --> 00:29:08,245 I see Aaron. I grab him by the hand. 692 00:29:08,346 --> 00:29:09,847 We run out into the woods. 693 00:29:09,948 --> 00:29:12,817 Perhaps there's a secret tunnel there. 694 00:29:12,916 --> 00:29:14,318 We exit said tunnel. 695 00:29:14,419 --> 00:29:17,455 At a designated spot, SEAL Team Six 696 00:29:17,555 --> 00:29:19,923 swoops in, puts us on one 697 00:29:20,023 --> 00:29:22,793 of those inflatable motorboats, we hit the water, 698 00:29:22,894 --> 00:29:25,163 we're out of there, on our way to you. 699 00:29:25,262 --> 00:29:27,765 If you did try to do this, what would kill you first? 700 00:29:27,865 --> 00:29:28,905 Sub-freezing temperatures. 701 00:29:28,932 --> 00:29:30,201 I don't like the cold. 702 00:29:30,300 --> 00:29:33,003 - Okay, we... - Starvation, starve to death. 703 00:29:33,104 --> 00:29:34,806 You telling me the CIA doesn't have 704 00:29:34,905 --> 00:29:36,941 North Face jackets and some Pirate Booty? 705 00:29:37,040 --> 00:29:38,475 Cap'n Crunch? 706 00:29:38,576 --> 00:29:39,943 What about Siberian tigers? 707 00:29:40,044 --> 00:29:41,980 - Did you think about that? - What? 708 00:29:42,079 --> 00:29:43,380 You're not going to shoot him. 709 00:29:43,480 --> 00:29:44,848 There's not going to be a bulletproof vest, 710 00:29:44,949 --> 00:29:46,351 and nobody is going to know 711 00:29:46,451 --> 00:29:48,252 that you had anything to do with this. 712 00:29:48,353 --> 00:29:50,121 That's it, that's the plan. 713 00:29:50,221 --> 00:29:51,288 - Period. - Okay. 714 00:29:51,388 --> 00:29:52,890 Two years later, 715 00:29:52,990 --> 00:29:54,992 I come out with my bestselling tell-all. 716 00:29:55,093 --> 00:29:56,361 "An Unexpected Journey: 717 00:29:56,461 --> 00:29:59,497 Dave Skylark's Adventures in North Korea." 718 00:29:59,596 --> 00:30:01,132 You can't write a tell-all. 719 00:30:01,231 --> 00:30:02,901 "We were an oddly-shaped gray room 720 00:30:03,999 --> 00:30:04,868 "at the CIA headquarters. 721 00:30:04,969 --> 00:30:06,004 The titillating Agent Lacey..." 722 00:30:06,104 --> 00:30:07,238 Stop doing that. 723 00:30:07,337 --> 00:30:08,972 - Why? - There's no tell-all. 724 00:30:09,073 --> 00:30:11,242 "'There's no tell-all, ' Agent Lacey said. 725 00:30:11,342 --> 00:30:13,044 "She looked at him. 726 00:30:13,144 --> 00:30:16,447 She trembled with rage, or was it passion?" 727 00:30:16,547 --> 00:30:18,850 - Stop it. - I just want everybody to know 728 00:30:18,950 --> 00:30:21,152 that I know what you did to me 729 00:30:21,251 --> 00:30:23,221 - With the glasses? - What? 730 00:30:23,320 --> 00:30:25,423 - Honeycombed me. - What does that even mean? 731 00:30:25,522 --> 00:30:27,192 You honeypotted him. It's honeypot. 732 00:30:27,291 --> 00:30:29,011 - You honeypotted me. - You honeypotted him. 733 00:30:29,093 --> 00:30:30,893 - No, I didn't. -He's said a lot of stupid shit 734 00:30:30,929 --> 00:30:32,063 in the last ten minutes, but for reals, 735 00:30:32,163 --> 00:30:33,530 you did honeypot him. 736 00:30:33,631 --> 00:30:35,567 I bet you got him in here as a honey dick 737 00:30:35,666 --> 00:30:37,301 just in case I'm gay, but I'm not, 738 00:30:37,402 --> 00:30:39,136 but if I was, I would've seen him coming a mile away. 739 00:30:39,237 --> 00:30:41,538 - You honey dicking? -Look, she's not honeypotting you, 740 00:30:41,638 --> 00:30:43,540 - and I'm not honey dicking him. - It's very offensive, 741 00:30:43,641 --> 00:30:45,543 'cause basically if you think about what you're saying to me, 742 00:30:45,643 --> 00:30:47,010 you're saying because I'm a girl, 743 00:30:47,111 --> 00:30:48,880 and because I'm attractive, 744 00:30:48,980 --> 00:30:52,016 my only use for this agency would be to manipulate men. 745 00:30:52,115 --> 00:30:53,417 I think it's offensive, too. 746 00:30:53,518 --> 00:30:55,078 and that's exactly what I said to Aaron. 747 00:30:55,118 --> 00:30:56,920 I said that bitch is blind as a bat. 748 00:30:57,020 --> 00:30:58,423 Can we please move on? 749 00:30:58,522 --> 00:31:01,091 We have a dictator to kill. 750 00:31:01,192 --> 00:31:03,228 When handling the ricin strip, 751 00:31:03,327 --> 00:31:05,596 operate with extreme caution. 752 00:31:05,696 --> 00:31:08,498 Even momentary flesh contact with the exposed strip is fatal. 753 00:31:08,598 --> 00:31:11,568 The poison will lay dormant for 12 hours. 754 00:31:11,669 --> 00:31:13,638 After it passes the blood-brain barrier, 755 00:31:13,738 --> 00:31:16,374 your heart rate would shoot up to 160. 756 00:31:16,473 --> 00:31:18,342 Your body will strain to reject the poison 757 00:31:18,442 --> 00:31:20,577 by profusely sweating, defecating, vomiting. 758 00:31:20,678 --> 00:31:21,958 Within minutes, you will be dead. 759 00:31:22,012 --> 00:31:23,380 - Okay. - Got it? 760 00:31:25,715 --> 00:31:28,452 Aaron peels off the film marked A, 761 00:31:28,553 --> 00:31:31,189 exposing the adhesive coating. 762 00:31:31,288 --> 00:31:33,523 He then applies the strip to Dave's palm. 763 00:31:33,624 --> 00:31:36,227 - Okay... -Aaron will then remove the film marked B, 764 00:31:36,326 --> 00:31:38,229 exposing the ricin. 765 00:31:38,328 --> 00:31:39,328 - Clear. - Okay, clear. 766 00:31:39,364 --> 00:31:40,597 - Okay. - Okay. 767 00:31:40,698 --> 00:31:42,233 Dave needs to appear casual 768 00:31:42,333 --> 00:31:44,335 as he is transferred from his room 769 00:31:44,434 --> 00:31:46,303 - Okay. - To the broadcast facility. 770 00:31:46,403 --> 00:31:49,273 It is critical that he keeps his hand open 771 00:31:49,374 --> 00:31:50,508 and touches nothing. 772 00:31:52,410 --> 00:31:53,945 Dave Skylark. 773 00:31:54,045 --> 00:31:55,246 Mr. Kim... 774 00:31:55,346 --> 00:31:57,147 Just shaking hands. 775 00:31:57,248 --> 00:31:59,217 Hi. 776 00:31:59,317 --> 00:32:00,652 Nice to meet you. 777 00:32:00,751 --> 00:32:02,686 Dave will bow to Kim 778 00:32:02,787 --> 00:32:04,122 then shake his hand, 779 00:32:04,221 --> 00:32:06,156 immediately disposing of the strip 780 00:32:06,257 --> 00:32:08,493 in his jacket pocket, which will be lined 781 00:32:08,593 --> 00:32:12,096 with an absorbing agent that denatures the poison. 782 00:32:32,282 --> 00:32:33,951 Oh, no! 783 00:32:34,051 --> 00:32:35,319 Hey! Hey! 784 00:32:35,420 --> 00:32:36,653 Agent Lacey! 785 00:32:36,753 --> 00:32:38,423 - What's this mean? - You're dead. 786 00:32:38,522 --> 00:32:40,242 All right, Mr. Skylark, so you'll just place 787 00:32:40,258 --> 00:32:42,460 the ricin case in this pouch here. 788 00:32:42,559 --> 00:32:43,599 It will magnetically seal, 789 00:32:43,693 --> 00:32:45,296 and then you're good to go. 790 00:32:45,395 --> 00:32:47,965 So you want me to carry this bag? 791 00:32:48,066 --> 00:32:49,167 This is the bag. 792 00:32:49,267 --> 00:32:50,668 This is a douche bag. 793 00:32:50,768 --> 00:32:54,072 The watches conceal an array of tactical functions. 794 00:32:54,172 --> 00:32:57,008 It's how you stay in contact with me and the command center. 795 00:32:57,107 --> 00:32:58,408 - Aaron to Dave. - All radio communication 796 00:32:58,509 --> 00:33:00,411 should be done using call signs. 797 00:33:00,510 --> 00:33:01,678 - Cool. - Dave, 798 00:33:01,778 --> 00:33:03,146 you are "dung beetle," 799 00:33:03,247 --> 00:33:05,149 - What? - And Aaron, you are "aardvark." 800 00:33:05,249 --> 00:33:06,449 I can't even carry this thing! 801 00:33:06,483 --> 00:33:07,617 What do you mean you can't carry it? 802 00:33:07,718 --> 00:33:08,720 Aerodynamics are all off. 803 00:33:08,819 --> 00:33:09,619 It's hitting my leg. 804 00:33:09,720 --> 00:33:11,322 It's, like, bulky. 805 00:33:11,422 --> 00:33:14,392 Please remember, gentlemen, you are entering into 806 00:33:14,491 --> 00:33:18,028 the most dangerous and unpredictable country on Earth. 807 00:33:18,128 --> 00:33:20,597 Kim Jong-un is a master manipulator. 808 00:33:20,698 --> 00:33:23,468 His people revere him as a god. 809 00:33:23,567 --> 00:33:25,103 They'll believe anything 810 00:33:25,202 --> 00:33:29,240 he tells them, including that he can speak to dolphins 811 00:33:29,339 --> 00:33:31,241 or he doesn't urinate and defecate. 812 00:33:31,342 --> 00:33:32,710 Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa... 813 00:33:32,809 --> 00:33:35,046 You're telling me my man doesn't pee or poop? 814 00:33:35,145 --> 00:33:36,313 I'm telling you he does, and he lies 815 00:33:36,413 --> 00:33:37,315 to his people and they believe him. 816 00:33:37,414 --> 00:33:38,750 Everybody pees and poops. 817 00:33:38,849 --> 00:33:40,650 Where would it go otherwise? He'd explode. 818 00:33:40,750 --> 00:33:42,185 But he does talk to dolphins. 819 00:34:01,738 --> 00:34:03,673 Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. 820 00:34:03,773 --> 00:34:05,342 All right, how do I look? 821 00:34:05,442 --> 00:34:06,743 Fucking awesome? 822 00:34:06,844 --> 00:34:08,378 Yeah, actually, this is really, really nice. 823 00:34:08,478 --> 00:34:10,347 - Yeah. - And that just... 824 00:34:10,447 --> 00:34:12,349 What the fuck is this? 825 00:34:12,449 --> 00:34:13,750 - It's my bag. - It's wonderful. 826 00:34:13,851 --> 00:34:15,753 That's just not the bag the CIA gave you. 827 00:34:15,853 --> 00:34:17,221 Oh, that bag? 828 00:34:17,320 --> 00:34:18,556 Yes, that bag! 829 00:34:18,655 --> 00:34:20,215 That bag was Fugly with a capital "Fug." 830 00:34:21,224 --> 00:34:21,759 Well, it was also designed to conceal fucking poison 831 00:34:22,760 --> 00:34:23,561 that we're gonna smuggle into a foreign country. 832 00:34:24,094 --> 00:34:25,362 Kim is a super fan. 833 00:34:25,463 --> 00:34:27,165 He knows I take fashion risks. 834 00:34:27,264 --> 00:34:28,298 Look, I show up with that other bag, 835 00:34:28,398 --> 00:34:29,467 Kim's gonna be like, 836 00:34:29,567 --> 00:34:30,768 "Oh, no. 837 00:34:30,867 --> 00:34:32,670 "You got ugly bag? 838 00:34:32,769 --> 00:34:34,172 "You no Skylark, you secret agent. 839 00:34:34,271 --> 00:34:35,505 Terminate him." 840 00:34:35,606 --> 00:34:37,075 Where's the fucking poison strip? 841 00:34:37,175 --> 00:34:40,178 I put the strip in a pack of gum. 842 00:34:40,277 --> 00:34:41,645 They'll never find it. 843 00:34:41,746 --> 00:34:42,746 I am not cool with this. 844 00:34:42,813 --> 00:34:44,515 - It's showtime. - Showtime? 845 00:34:44,614 --> 00:34:46,250 It's not showtime. 846 00:34:46,349 --> 00:34:47,518 - What are you doing? Stop. - "Dave Skylark Tonight!" 847 00:34:47,617 --> 00:34:48,652 Stop walking! 848 00:34:48,753 --> 00:34:50,121 - Stop walking. - Hello. 849 00:34:50,221 --> 00:34:51,556 We are going to North Korea. 850 00:34:51,655 --> 00:34:52,824 Yo, Skylark, which side 851 00:34:52,923 --> 00:34:54,525 of President Kim's ass you gonna kiss? 852 00:34:54,625 --> 00:34:56,527 I'm not gonna kiss him, but let's just say 853 00:34:56,626 --> 00:34:58,695 I might give him something special with my hand. 854 00:34:58,795 --> 00:35:00,263 You gonna jerk him off? 855 00:35:00,364 --> 00:35:01,798 What? No. That's a double entendre. 856 00:35:01,898 --> 00:35:03,266 Shut the fuck... Shut up! 857 00:35:03,367 --> 00:35:04,335 - I'm foreshadowing! - Shut up! 858 00:35:04,434 --> 00:35:05,702 Shut up! Get in the fucking car! 859 00:35:05,802 --> 00:35:07,672 Shut up! Shut up! 860 00:35:07,771 --> 00:35:10,440 Why would you say that? Why would you say that? 861 00:35:16,313 --> 00:35:17,681 All right, here we go. 862 00:35:19,416 --> 00:35:20,818 What's that noise? 863 00:35:20,918 --> 00:35:22,353 - I don't know. - Do you hear that? 864 00:35:22,452 --> 00:35:23,588 Yeah. 865 00:35:33,530 --> 00:35:34,664 Wow. 866 00:35:35,865 --> 00:35:37,168 This is crazy. 867 00:35:38,335 --> 00:35:41,172 - Hello, North Korea! - Wow. 868 00:35:41,271 --> 00:35:42,273 This is crazy. 869 00:35:42,373 --> 00:35:43,740 Okay, okay. 870 00:35:43,840 --> 00:35:45,609 - North side! - Okay. 871 00:35:45,710 --> 00:35:49,313 Hi. Sorry about... what he's doing. 872 00:35:49,413 --> 00:35:51,449 Hello! Wow... 873 00:35:51,548 --> 00:35:53,451 I like your style. 874 00:35:55,219 --> 00:35:57,188 Good to see you again. How are you? 875 00:35:57,288 --> 00:35:58,623 - Hi. - Hello. 876 00:35:58,722 --> 00:36:00,224 - Hello. - This is great. 877 00:36:00,324 --> 00:36:02,592 Uh, Dave, this is, uh, Sook-yin Park. 878 00:36:02,693 --> 00:36:03,895 - Sook? The Sook? - Yes, yes. 879 00:36:03,994 --> 00:36:05,462 That you won't stop talking about? 880 00:36:05,563 --> 00:36:07,398 That's not true. 881 00:36:23,880 --> 00:36:25,750 We are different people. 882 00:36:25,849 --> 00:36:27,951 We speak different languages. 883 00:36:28,052 --> 00:36:29,787 Huh? 884 00:36:29,887 --> 00:36:32,423 We have different faces, 885 00:36:32,523 --> 00:36:35,259 but inside 886 00:36:35,358 --> 00:36:37,694 we are same-same. 887 00:36:37,795 --> 00:36:40,664 Same-same, but different. 888 00:36:40,764 --> 00:36:42,666 But still same. 889 00:36:44,001 --> 00:36:45,369 Oh, thank you. 890 00:36:45,469 --> 00:36:46,938 Konichiwa. 891 00:36:47,038 --> 00:36:49,507 You know, I'm very, 892 00:36:49,606 --> 00:36:52,275 very interested in the history of your young nation. 893 00:36:52,376 --> 00:36:53,711 I hear that 894 00:36:53,811 --> 00:36:56,347 absolutely everyone here is-is starving to death. 895 00:36:56,447 --> 00:36:57,748 No. 896 00:36:57,847 --> 00:36:59,916 It's quite all right. 897 00:37:00,016 --> 00:37:01,518 This is a common misconception. 898 00:37:01,619 --> 00:37:03,821 Oh, okay. 899 00:37:03,920 --> 00:37:04,920 See for yourself. 900 00:37:08,057 --> 00:37:09,860 Oh, wow! It's a grocery store. 901 00:37:09,960 --> 00:37:11,662 Looks like the Whole Foods around the corner from my place. 902 00:37:11,762 --> 00:37:14,731 Yep, guess no one's hungry here after all. 903 00:37:14,831 --> 00:37:17,100 We have an abundance of food here. 904 00:37:17,101 --> 00:37:18,936 And speak of the devil, look at that fat kid! 905 00:37:19,036 --> 00:37:20,738 Hi, little fatty! 906 00:37:20,838 --> 00:37:22,940 Hi. Mm-mm! 907 00:37:23,039 --> 00:37:26,677 We have many fat children in North Korea. 908 00:37:26,777 --> 00:37:27,777 The Supreme Leader 909 00:37:27,844 --> 00:37:29,279 believes it is a hallmark 910 00:37:29,380 --> 00:37:31,015 of prosperity and self-sufficiency. 911 00:37:31,114 --> 00:37:32,849 I don't know about all that, 912 00:37:32,949 --> 00:37:34,818 but this one is one that I heard. 913 00:37:34,918 --> 00:37:36,686 I heard he doesn't pee or poo. 914 00:37:36,786 --> 00:37:40,390 He works so hard, he burns the energy from inside. 915 00:37:40,490 --> 00:37:42,690 You-You're telling me my man doesn't have to take a poo? 916 00:37:42,726 --> 00:37:43,960 Does-does he have a butthole? 917 00:37:44,061 --> 00:37:45,896 He does not have a butthole. 918 00:37:45,996 --> 00:37:47,999 He has no need for one. 919 00:38:24,867 --> 00:38:26,903 Whoa! 920 00:38:27,003 --> 00:38:28,639 Ho-ho! Damn, son! 921 00:38:28,739 --> 00:38:29,807 Damn... 922 00:38:29,907 --> 00:38:31,475 Right this way. 923 00:38:36,612 --> 00:38:38,815 I get it. Fucking stop it. 924 00:38:52,561 --> 00:38:55,665 These are Officers Koh and Yu. 925 00:38:55,766 --> 00:38:56,867 They are the heads of 926 00:38:56,967 --> 00:38:59,903 our Supreme Leader's personal security. 927 00:39:00,003 --> 00:39:02,373 They have been with him since he was a little boy. 928 00:39:02,472 --> 00:39:03,940 They will search you one last time 929 00:39:04,041 --> 00:39:06,777 before entering our Supreme Leader's home. 930 00:39:10,480 --> 00:39:11,581 Just a Gucci bag. 931 00:39:20,090 --> 00:39:22,059 What's this? 932 00:39:22,159 --> 00:39:24,061 Uh... 933 00:39:24,161 --> 00:39:25,061 gum. 934 00:39:25,161 --> 00:39:26,396 That is gum. 935 00:39:31,701 --> 00:39:33,903 Oh, you fucking tried it? 936 00:39:34,003 --> 00:39:35,839 This gun has no flavor. 937 00:39:35,940 --> 00:39:37,907 - If you don't like it, just spit it out. -Just spit it out. 938 00:39:38,007 --> 00:39:39,887 We wouldn't be insulted if you just spat it out. 939 00:39:40,777 --> 00:39:42,145 Your gum taste like shit. 940 00:39:42,246 --> 00:39:44,548 Okay. 941 00:39:44,648 --> 00:39:46,751 You may now enter the Supreme Leader's home. 942 00:39:52,956 --> 00:39:54,158 This room 943 00:39:54,257 --> 00:39:56,159 - for Mr. Skylark. - Cool. 944 00:39:56,260 --> 00:39:58,162 Thanks. 945 00:40:00,230 --> 00:40:02,099 This room for Mr. Rapoport. 946 00:40:02,199 --> 00:40:03,501 Ooh, lovely. 947 00:40:03,601 --> 00:40:04,835 - Thank you. Quaint. - Cute. 948 00:40:04,934 --> 00:40:05,936 You know, I'm tired. 949 00:40:06,036 --> 00:40:07,704 How are you feeling? 950 00:40:07,804 --> 00:40:09,572 - We go now. - Okay. 951 00:40:09,672 --> 00:40:11,441 Dude, what the fuck? 952 00:40:11,541 --> 00:40:13,143 Hey, uh, you know, 953 00:40:13,244 --> 00:40:14,912 - how's your tummy feeling? - You should have some Tums. 954 00:40:15,012 --> 00:40:15,980 Maybe you should have some tea. 955 00:40:16,079 --> 00:40:17,114 Fuck. 956 00:40:17,213 --> 00:40:18,213 - Shh. - Shh. 957 00:40:18,215 --> 00:40:19,617 They could be recording. 958 00:40:19,717 --> 00:40:21,885 - Oh, the thing. - The thing, all right, go. 959 00:40:21,985 --> 00:40:23,753 - Oh, uh... - Lovely room. 960 00:40:23,853 --> 00:40:25,556 - Yeah. - Oh, yes. 961 00:40:25,655 --> 00:40:26,923 Lovely. I'm gonna go take a shower now. 962 00:40:27,023 --> 00:40:28,893 Okay, I'll take one with you. 963 00:40:28,992 --> 00:40:30,527 Why would you take one with me? 964 00:40:30,628 --> 00:40:31,562 I'm just making up fake conversation. 965 00:40:31,661 --> 00:40:32,661 Shut up. Shut the fuck up. 966 00:40:34,164 --> 00:40:37,168 What... the... fuck... dude? 967 00:40:37,268 --> 00:40:39,970 He ate it. He fucking ate it. 968 00:40:40,070 --> 00:40:41,672 - You're not even supposed to touch it. -And he ate it. 969 00:40:41,771 --> 00:40:44,174 - Chewing. Chewing it! - Shit! Fuck. 970 00:40:44,275 --> 00:40:45,809 Shit, he's gonna die. 971 00:40:45,909 --> 00:40:47,510 Look, look, look, look... 972 00:40:47,610 --> 00:40:50,013 He's probably, like, Kim's trigger man, okay? 973 00:40:50,114 --> 00:40:51,794 He's probably killed, like, tons of people. 974 00:40:51,849 --> 00:40:53,150 He's probably worse than Kim, 975 00:40:53,250 --> 00:40:55,018 and we're okay with killing Kim, right? 976 00:40:55,119 --> 00:40:56,653 Yeah. 977 00:40:56,753 --> 00:40:58,553 How the fuck are we gonna do that, by the way? 978 00:40:58,588 --> 00:40:59,757 We don't have any poison anymore. 979 00:40:59,856 --> 00:41:01,592 What happened to it? 980 00:41:01,692 --> 00:41:03,092 - Somebody ate it. - Someone ate it? 981 00:41:03,126 --> 00:41:05,061 Why the fuck did you switch bags? 982 00:41:05,161 --> 00:41:06,896 - Yeah, Dave! - All right, all right! 983 00:41:06,996 --> 00:41:09,065 I shouldn't have switched the bags. I'm sorry. 984 00:41:09,166 --> 00:41:10,686 - I told you. - Listen, just sit tight. 985 00:41:10,768 --> 00:41:12,202 I am going to contact you. 986 00:41:12,302 --> 00:41:14,103 Do not fall asleep. 987 00:41:14,204 --> 00:41:16,173 I'm gonna figure out a way to fix this. 988 00:41:16,273 --> 00:41:17,708 Thanks. Why'd you tell her? 989 00:41:17,807 --> 00:41:18,909 Tell her what? Because it's the truth. 990 00:41:19,009 --> 00:41:19,976 Why'd you tell her that he ate it? 991 00:41:20,077 --> 00:41:21,178 Because he did! 992 00:41:21,277 --> 00:41:24,547 Dude, that was a cock block. 993 00:41:24,648 --> 00:41:26,916 Get me Major Franks at the Osan Air Force Base. 994 00:41:52,943 --> 00:41:56,614 ETA to launch zone, 20 minutes. 995 00:41:58,581 --> 00:42:00,301 We have a bird en route. 996 00:42:00,351 --> 00:42:03,153 It will be within range of you in 15 minutes. 997 00:42:03,253 --> 00:42:04,555 Aardvark, 998 00:42:04,655 --> 00:42:06,657 your watch will transmit the coordinates 999 00:42:06,757 --> 00:42:08,157 to guide in the package. 1000 00:42:08,257 --> 00:42:10,627 You need to get outside to a place with no tree cover 1001 00:42:10,728 --> 00:42:11,695 where you can't be detected. 1002 00:42:11,795 --> 00:42:13,163 Okay? 1003 00:42:13,262 --> 00:42:14,965 What-what-what...? Lacey, why do I have to do it? 1004 00:42:15,065 --> 00:42:16,233 Why you? 1005 00:42:16,333 --> 00:42:18,068 Because if Dung Beetle gets caught 1006 00:42:18,168 --> 00:42:20,570 or killed, then we don't have a mission anymore, do we? 1007 00:42:20,670 --> 00:42:22,306 You really think I could get caught or killed? 1008 00:42:22,405 --> 00:42:25,074 Hey, put on your darkest clothes and get outside now 1009 00:42:25,175 --> 00:42:26,610 and make sure that you are 1010 00:42:26,710 --> 00:42:28,310 at least 20 yards away from the building. 1011 00:42:31,847 --> 00:42:33,750 Approaching launch zone. 1012 00:42:39,690 --> 00:42:40,925 You ready? 1013 00:42:41,025 --> 00:42:42,326 I think so. 1014 00:42:42,425 --> 00:42:44,105 I'm a little nervous, but I'm feeling okay. 1015 00:42:44,128 --> 00:42:45,596 - Okay, okay. - I think I can do it. 1016 00:42:48,097 --> 00:42:49,697 - What are you doing? - I'm gonna cherish 1017 00:42:49,766 --> 00:42:51,601 - all the memories we have. - Don't do this! 1018 00:42:51,702 --> 00:42:53,337 - What? -Talk to me like I'm about to die, okay? 1019 00:42:53,436 --> 00:42:55,338 - I'm gonna be fine! - All right. I know. 1020 00:42:55,438 --> 00:42:57,141 I'm trying to psych myself up here; you're bringing me down. 1021 00:42:57,240 --> 00:42:59,643 I will love your mother like she was my mother. 1022 00:42:59,742 --> 00:43:01,010 - Just shut up. Shut up. - Okay. 1023 00:43:01,110 --> 00:43:02,145 Shh. 1024 00:43:05,280 --> 00:43:07,183 It's really scary out there. 1025 00:43:07,284 --> 00:43:08,751 Yeah, super-duper scary. 1026 00:43:08,851 --> 00:43:10,371 - Be careful. - Okay, good. You got me? 1027 00:43:10,387 --> 00:43:12,122 - I got you. I will not drop you. - Okay. 1028 00:43:12,222 --> 00:43:13,357 - Yeah, just don't drop me. - I got you. 1029 00:43:13,456 --> 00:43:14,891 I got... Oh! 1030 00:43:17,728 --> 00:43:19,296 Aardvark, are you all right? 1031 00:43:21,164 --> 00:43:22,766 I'm fine. Shut the fuck up. 1032 00:43:24,268 --> 00:43:26,971 Aardvark is hot. 1033 00:43:27,070 --> 00:43:30,039 I repeat: Aardvark is H-O-T hot. 1034 00:43:40,315 --> 00:43:42,051 - This is so scary. - Aardvark? 1035 00:43:42,152 --> 00:43:43,820 You're being extremely brave. 1036 00:43:43,920 --> 00:43:46,089 Everybody here is very proud of you. 1037 00:43:46,190 --> 00:43:48,392 - My tummy's all scraped up and wet. -Aardvark, 1038 00:43:48,492 --> 00:43:50,361 I'm gonna rub your tummy when you get back, don't worry. 1039 00:43:50,460 --> 00:43:52,061 Just a few more feet, okay? 1040 00:43:52,161 --> 00:43:54,163 Just five to ten more feet. 1041 00:43:54,264 --> 00:43:55,399 I got to keep going? 1042 00:43:55,498 --> 00:43:56,799 I don't want to keep going. 1043 00:43:56,900 --> 00:43:58,335 Fuck. 1044 00:43:58,434 --> 00:44:03,139 Package will deploy in three, two, one, boom. 1045 00:44:03,239 --> 00:44:05,708 Package is inbound. 1046 00:44:05,809 --> 00:44:07,711 Arrival time, two minutes. 1047 00:44:09,344 --> 00:44:10,780 Just five more feet. 1048 00:44:10,880 --> 00:44:12,815 Five more feet, and you're on your mark. 1049 00:44:12,916 --> 00:44:14,184 Hey, hey, 1050 00:44:14,284 --> 00:44:16,086 hey, don't move. 1051 00:44:16,186 --> 00:44:18,122 I think I see something. 1052 00:44:18,222 --> 00:44:20,357 - Huh? - There's something out there. 1053 00:44:20,456 --> 00:44:22,259 What do you mean, there's something out there? 1054 00:44:22,358 --> 00:44:24,027 What is it? Can you zoom in on that? 1055 00:44:24,128 --> 00:44:25,729 What do I do? 1056 00:44:25,829 --> 00:44:27,431 Comm One, are you seeing this? 1057 00:44:27,530 --> 00:44:28,398 Zoom in one that thing. 1058 00:44:28,498 --> 00:44:30,299 What is that? 1059 00:44:30,400 --> 00:44:32,120 There's something crawling towards Aardvark. 1060 00:44:32,202 --> 00:44:34,171 What the fuck? What is it? Talk to me. 1061 00:44:34,271 --> 00:44:37,207 I'm seeing four legs connected to one body. 1062 00:44:37,306 --> 00:44:39,442 What the fuck are you seeing? I'm not seeing anything. 1063 00:44:39,543 --> 00:44:41,245 Dog, big dog. 1064 00:44:41,344 --> 00:44:43,846 - Big dog? - It's like Clifford size. 1065 00:44:43,947 --> 00:44:45,849 We're talking Falkor in "The Neverending Story." 1066 00:44:45,949 --> 00:44:47,117 It's like a dragon dog. 1067 00:44:47,217 --> 00:44:48,318 This is like a dragon dog. 1068 00:44:48,418 --> 00:44:50,988 Is that a fucking... 1069 00:44:51,088 --> 00:44:52,289 Guys, what am I looking for? I don't know... 1070 00:44:52,389 --> 00:44:53,923 It's like a big dog 1071 00:44:54,023 --> 00:44:55,159 that's orange. 1072 00:44:55,259 --> 00:44:56,726 It's got stripes. 1073 00:44:56,827 --> 00:44:59,129 It's like a big, orange, stripey dog. 1074 00:45:04,067 --> 00:45:06,003 There's a tiger. 1075 00:45:06,103 --> 00:45:07,403 It's a fucking tiger. 1076 00:45:07,503 --> 00:45:08,871 It's a fucking tiger. 1077 00:45:08,972 --> 00:45:10,040 Yes. 1078 00:45:10,139 --> 00:45:11,474 A tiger. 1079 00:45:11,574 --> 00:45:14,010 You fucking led my friend into a tiger patch? 1080 00:45:14,110 --> 00:45:15,211 I told you there were tigers there. 1081 00:45:15,311 --> 00:45:17,014 Guys, I'm very unhappy right now. 1082 00:45:17,114 --> 00:45:18,014 Look, it's really dark out there. 1083 00:45:18,114 --> 00:45:19,248 He probably doesn't see you. 1084 00:45:19,349 --> 00:45:21,785 Oh, it fucking sees me. 1085 00:45:21,885 --> 00:45:24,354 - It ha... it has night vision. - They have night vision? 1086 00:45:24,454 --> 00:45:26,323 That tiger has night vision goggles? 1087 00:45:26,422 --> 00:45:27,924 It doesn't have night vision goggles. 1088 00:45:28,025 --> 00:45:29,860 It just naturally has night... 1089 00:45:29,960 --> 00:45:31,260 - -Listen, just keep the line clear, 1090 00:45:31,360 --> 00:45:32,429 Dung Beetle, please? 1091 00:45:32,528 --> 00:45:34,264 Aardvark is in trouble. 1092 00:45:34,364 --> 00:45:35,898 What do I do? What do I do? 1093 00:45:35,998 --> 00:45:37,300 Talk to me, talk to me. 1094 00:45:37,400 --> 00:45:38,935 I didn't want it to come to this, 1095 00:45:39,036 --> 00:45:40,170 but you're gonna have to fight that tiger. 1096 00:45:40,269 --> 00:45:42,271 No, do not! Do not fight the tiger! 1097 00:45:42,371 --> 00:45:44,774 Do not be a gentleman, you go right for the fucking balls. 1098 00:45:44,875 --> 00:45:46,175 I don't see its balls. 1099 00:45:46,275 --> 00:45:47,877 Do not fight the tiger! You will lose! 1100 00:45:47,978 --> 00:45:50,180 If that's a girl tiger, you got to cunt punt that bitch. 1101 00:45:50,280 --> 00:45:52,440 - Dave, shut the fuck up. - Cunt punt that fucking bitch! 1102 00:45:52,449 --> 00:45:54,184 Please tell me you know that that's a stupid idea. 1103 00:45:54,284 --> 00:45:56,286 Please, please don't try to fight the tiger. 1104 00:45:58,922 --> 00:46:00,057 I'm gonna make a run for it. 1105 00:46:00,157 --> 00:46:01,157 Do not run for it! 1106 00:46:01,224 --> 00:46:02,224 You will die. 1107 00:46:02,226 --> 00:46:03,460 It's coming. 1108 00:46:04,893 --> 00:46:06,362 You go, go, go, buddy! Go, buddy! 1109 00:46:06,463 --> 00:46:07,798 Look out, look out! It's coming after you! 1110 00:46:07,898 --> 00:46:08,932 It's coming after you! 1111 00:46:21,476 --> 00:46:23,480 - Oh, God, I'm alive. - Aaron! 1112 00:46:23,579 --> 00:46:25,481 I'm alive. 1113 00:46:25,581 --> 00:46:26,821 Are you in the tiger, Aardvark? 1114 00:46:26,916 --> 00:46:28,085 Are you inside the tiger? 1115 00:46:28,184 --> 00:46:29,184 Are you okay? 1116 00:46:29,186 --> 00:46:30,320 Do you have the package? 1117 00:46:30,420 --> 00:46:32,956 This is Aardvark. 1118 00:46:33,056 --> 00:46:35,016 I think the package just killed the fucking tiger. 1119 00:46:35,025 --> 00:46:37,961 Fantastic. You have to secure the package. 1120 00:46:38,061 --> 00:46:39,496 Secure the motherfucking package. 1121 00:46:45,534 --> 00:46:47,870 He's got the package. He has the package. 1122 00:46:47,971 --> 00:46:49,273 I got it; what do I do with it? 1123 00:46:49,373 --> 00:46:50,407 Aardvark, there are people coming. 1124 00:46:50,507 --> 00:46:51,942 You have to act now. 1125 00:46:52,041 --> 00:46:53,576 Secure the package, secure the package. 1126 00:46:53,677 --> 00:46:55,312 - What do I do with it? -They're coming right towards you. 1127 00:46:55,411 --> 00:46:56,512 They're gonna see it, they're gonna see it. 1128 00:46:56,612 --> 00:46:57,547 You got to hide that little missile. 1129 00:46:57,648 --> 00:46:58,916 I have to hide it somewhere? 1130 00:46:59,016 --> 00:47:00,136 Where the fuck do I hide it? 1131 00:47:01,518 --> 00:47:04,855 What do I do with it? What do I do with it? 1132 00:47:07,322 --> 00:47:09,425 What if you hide it in your butt? 1133 00:47:11,027 --> 00:47:13,530 I don't want to stick it in my ass. 1134 00:47:13,630 --> 00:47:15,298 You got to put it in your butt, Aardvark. 1135 00:47:15,398 --> 00:47:16,365 Comm One, please tell me I don't have 1136 00:47:16,465 --> 00:47:17,433 to stick this think in my ass. 1137 00:47:17,534 --> 00:47:18,969 Okay, you're right. Just give us 1138 00:47:19,068 --> 00:47:20,436 one second to come up with a better plan. 1139 00:47:20,536 --> 00:47:22,872 Isn't there anywhere else I could secure it? 1140 00:47:22,972 --> 00:47:24,875 I think he should put it in his asshole. 1141 00:47:24,974 --> 00:47:26,175 We don't have a better plan. You're going to have 1142 00:47:26,275 --> 00:47:27,310 to stick it in your ass. 1143 00:47:27,411 --> 00:47:29,278 No! No! 1144 00:47:29,378 --> 00:47:30,547 No! 1145 00:47:30,646 --> 00:47:32,481 I've never done that. 1146 00:47:32,581 --> 00:47:34,083 I've been there before. It looks huge. 1147 00:47:34,184 --> 00:47:36,620 That tiger blood will lubricate it. 1148 00:47:36,719 --> 00:47:38,288 This will mess up my asshole! 1149 00:47:38,387 --> 00:47:40,423 Aardvark, there-there are people there. 1150 00:47:40,523 --> 00:47:41,991 They are closing in on you. 1151 00:47:42,092 --> 00:47:43,093 They have guns. 1152 00:47:43,193 --> 00:47:45,429 You need to secure the payload 1153 00:47:45,528 --> 00:47:46,896 and you need to secure it in your ass. 1154 00:47:46,996 --> 00:47:47,897 Just stick it in your butt. 1155 00:47:47,998 --> 00:47:49,298 Okay, fine, fine. 1156 00:47:49,398 --> 00:47:50,933 I'm there with you, bro. 1157 00:47:51,034 --> 00:47:52,970 Just listen to the soothing tones of my voice. 1158 00:47:53,070 --> 00:47:54,071 Just breathe. 1159 00:47:54,170 --> 00:47:55,338 Oh, it's cold. 1160 00:47:55,438 --> 00:47:56,639 Just let everything go loose. 1161 00:47:56,739 --> 00:47:57,573 Oh, I don't like it! 1162 00:47:57,673 --> 00:47:59,342 The tip is... 1163 00:47:59,443 --> 00:48:00,944 it's the worst part. 1164 00:48:01,043 --> 00:48:02,311 Trust me on this. 1165 00:48:02,411 --> 00:48:03,579 Inhale as you do it. 1166 00:48:06,516 --> 00:48:08,117 The tip of the package is secure. 1167 00:48:08,217 --> 00:48:09,952 Comm One, that thing is in his butt. 1168 00:48:10,052 --> 00:48:12,054 Owie, owie. 1169 00:48:12,155 --> 00:48:14,191 You are almost in the end zone, Aardvark. 1170 00:48:14,291 --> 00:48:15,359 Just take it home. 1171 00:48:23,532 --> 00:48:25,201 The package is secure. 1172 00:48:25,302 --> 00:48:26,436 You are a hero. 1173 00:48:26,536 --> 00:48:28,238 You are a goddamn hero. 1174 00:48:28,338 --> 00:48:29,373 - -All right, they're coming, they're coming. 1175 00:48:29,472 --> 00:48:31,240 I got to go. Over and out. 1176 00:48:33,143 --> 00:48:34,510 Hi! Aah! Don't shoot me. 1177 00:48:34,610 --> 00:48:35,610 Oh, God! 1178 00:48:45,355 --> 00:48:47,157 Don't hurt me, please! 1179 00:48:48,257 --> 00:48:49,259 See? There's nothing in here. 1180 00:48:49,358 --> 00:48:50,358 There's nothing in here. 1181 00:48:50,393 --> 00:48:52,395 What? 1182 00:48:52,496 --> 00:48:53,697 Oh, God, no! 1183 00:48:53,797 --> 00:48:56,132 Ow! 1184 00:48:56,233 --> 00:48:57,301 Come on! 1185 00:48:57,400 --> 00:48:58,501 What the fuck? 1186 00:48:58,601 --> 00:49:00,636 Why? Why'd you do that? 1187 00:49:00,737 --> 00:49:01,737 Why'd you do that?! 1188 00:49:01,771 --> 00:49:03,239 Is this what you want? 1189 00:49:03,340 --> 00:49:05,008 There! You like it?! 1190 00:49:05,108 --> 00:49:06,576 You like it?! 1191 00:49:06,675 --> 00:49:09,112 It's all yours, fuckers! 1192 00:49:09,211 --> 00:49:10,291 Stay in the room, American. 1193 00:49:18,721 --> 00:49:21,992 Hey, they're gone. Did they look in your butt? 1194 00:49:22,092 --> 00:49:24,126 - No, they didn't look in my butt. -It's still in there? 1195 00:49:24,226 --> 00:49:26,096 - Yes, it's in there. - Wow. Must be deep. 1196 00:49:26,195 --> 00:49:28,130 - It is. - Get it out. 1197 00:49:28,231 --> 00:49:29,599 I'm gonna fucking get it out. 1198 00:49:29,699 --> 00:49:31,434 I'm here to help. 1199 00:49:49,284 --> 00:49:51,120 Hey. 1200 00:49:51,221 --> 00:49:53,423 - How'd it go? -One ricin strip with your name on it. 1201 00:49:53,523 --> 00:49:54,524 Got it. 1202 00:49:54,623 --> 00:49:56,759 All right. 1203 00:49:56,860 --> 00:49:58,128 See, not so bad. 1204 00:49:58,228 --> 00:49:59,695 Yeah, not so bad. 1205 00:49:59,795 --> 00:50:01,163 - What?! - Yeah. 1206 00:50:01,264 --> 00:50:02,298 - That? - This. 1207 00:50:02,398 --> 00:50:03,467 - In your bu...? - Asshole. 1208 00:50:03,567 --> 00:50:05,469 - No! - Yes. 1209 00:50:05,568 --> 00:50:06,469 I was picturing something, like, this big. 1210 00:50:06,570 --> 00:50:07,730 Yeah, that I could live with. 1211 00:50:07,737 --> 00:50:09,172 As soon as you get home, 1212 00:50:09,271 --> 00:50:10,239 you need to see a proctologist. 1213 00:50:10,340 --> 00:50:11,420 I'm afraid to fucking look. 1214 00:50:11,474 --> 00:50:13,342 You got fucked by RoboCop, dude. 1215 00:50:15,445 --> 00:50:17,780 Uh, who is it? 1216 00:50:17,880 --> 00:50:19,615 It is, uh, Kim Jong-un. 1217 00:50:19,715 --> 00:50:21,150 What? 1218 00:50:21,251 --> 00:50:24,321 Kim Jong-what? 1219 00:50:24,420 --> 00:50:27,156 I am the Supreme Leader of, uh, North Korea. 1220 00:50:27,257 --> 00:50:28,358 What? 1221 00:50:28,458 --> 00:50:29,659 What the fuck? 1222 00:50:29,759 --> 00:50:31,061 - It's him. - It's fucking him. 1223 00:50:31,161 --> 00:50:32,229 What is he doing here? What the fuck? 1224 00:50:32,329 --> 00:50:33,369 Hide it, hide it, hide it. 1225 00:50:33,429 --> 00:50:34,429 - Put it back up. - No. 1226 00:50:34,431 --> 00:50:35,511 I'm not putting it back up. 1227 00:50:35,599 --> 00:50:37,167 No, I'm gonna hide it in my room. 1228 00:50:37,266 --> 00:50:38,467 - Okay. What do I do with this? - Go say hi to him. 1229 00:50:38,568 --> 00:50:39,435 Do I put it on right now? 1230 00:50:39,534 --> 00:50:41,170 No, then he'll die when we're still here. 1231 00:50:41,271 --> 00:50:42,271 Put it in your pocket. 1232 00:50:42,338 --> 00:50:43,472 - Okay, fine. - Okay, fine. 1233 00:50:43,572 --> 00:50:45,275 - Come with me. - No, I got to hide this. 1234 00:50:45,375 --> 00:50:47,110 - Aaron, just come with me. - No, no... 1235 00:50:47,210 --> 00:50:49,246 Aaron, Aaron. 1236 00:50:56,518 --> 00:50:58,754 Hi. 1237 00:50:58,855 --> 00:51:01,123 Good morning, Dave. 1238 00:51:01,224 --> 00:51:02,526 Good morning. 1239 00:51:02,626 --> 00:51:04,361 Hi. 1240 00:51:04,460 --> 00:51:06,529 Dave Skylark, ah. 1241 00:51:06,630 --> 00:51:08,131 It's crazy. 1242 00:51:09,865 --> 00:51:11,300 Oh, I have a gift for you. 1243 00:51:11,400 --> 00:51:12,435 - Oh, really? - Yeah. 1244 00:51:13,369 --> 00:51:15,105 This. 1245 00:51:15,204 --> 00:51:17,173 Oh, oh, this is me. 1246 00:51:17,273 --> 00:51:18,273 It's you. 1247 00:51:18,340 --> 00:51:19,608 Oh, that's great. 1248 00:51:19,708 --> 00:51:22,244 I always wanted one of these... a bust. 1249 00:51:22,344 --> 00:51:23,679 Dave Skylark. 1250 00:51:23,780 --> 00:51:24,781 Hey! 1251 00:51:24,880 --> 00:51:26,315 - Thank you. - You like that? 1252 00:51:26,416 --> 00:51:27,784 So you really like the show? 1253 00:51:27,884 --> 00:51:29,786 No, I might not show it, but I'm freaking out. 1254 00:51:29,885 --> 00:51:31,153 You're like a superfan. 1255 00:51:31,253 --> 00:51:32,721 I really am. 1256 00:51:32,822 --> 00:51:34,124 Yeah. 1257 00:51:34,224 --> 00:51:35,692 That's so cool. 1258 00:51:35,791 --> 00:51:38,127 Don't say something stupid, Kim. 1259 00:51:38,228 --> 00:51:40,697 Okay, so I, uh, 1260 00:51:40,797 --> 00:51:44,134 thought you might enjoy, uh, breakfast 1261 00:51:44,233 --> 00:51:45,735 and a tour of my home. 1262 00:51:45,835 --> 00:51:47,804 I'd absolutely love to. 1263 00:51:49,271 --> 00:51:52,375 You know, I have to admit, before I came here, 1264 00:51:52,407 --> 00:51:54,543 I thought this place was gonna be a dump. 1265 00:51:54,643 --> 00:51:56,212 Of course. 1266 00:51:56,313 --> 00:51:58,581 For decades, you've heard the false rumors: 1267 00:51:58,681 --> 00:52:00,583 "North Korea is a failed state. 1268 00:52:00,684 --> 00:52:02,619 We can't feed our people." 1269 00:52:02,719 --> 00:52:04,454 - Yeah. - It's all propaganda. 1270 00:52:04,554 --> 00:52:06,423 I see. Well, yeah, I mean... 1271 00:52:06,523 --> 00:52:08,291 I did see a fat kid 1272 00:52:08,391 --> 00:52:10,327 and a really nice-looking grocery store. 1273 00:52:10,427 --> 00:52:13,463 Oh, we have beautiful grocery stores here in North Korea. 1274 00:52:13,563 --> 00:52:15,465 You know, one of my favorite things to do 1275 00:52:15,565 --> 00:52:17,767 is just strolling up and down the aisles 1276 00:52:17,867 --> 00:52:20,303 to see the-the beautiful fruits of my country's land. 1277 00:52:20,402 --> 00:52:21,737 I can believe that. 1278 00:52:21,838 --> 00:52:24,341 It looks like you hit the grocery store pretty often. 1279 00:52:24,440 --> 00:52:25,908 Screw you, Dave. 1280 00:52:26,009 --> 00:52:28,478 - Hey, you want to see something cool? -Yeah. 1281 00:52:39,454 --> 00:52:41,557 Holy fuck-a-moley! 1282 00:52:41,657 --> 00:52:43,726 Is that real? 1283 00:52:43,827 --> 00:52:46,496 It was a gift to my grandfather from Stalin. 1284 00:52:46,596 --> 00:52:50,333 In my country, it's pronounced "Stallone." 1285 00:52:50,432 --> 00:52:52,936 You're so funny, Dave. 1286 00:52:53,036 --> 00:52:54,403 Uh, right. 1287 00:52:54,503 --> 00:52:56,572 Well, can we look inside? 1288 00:52:56,672 --> 00:52:58,340 Fuck, yeah, we can. 1289 00:52:58,440 --> 00:53:00,609 Come on. 1290 00:53:00,710 --> 00:53:02,345 This is so cool. 1291 00:53:02,445 --> 00:53:04,414 - A tank! - Yeah, a tank. 1292 00:53:04,514 --> 00:53:05,414 Whoa. 1293 00:53:05,514 --> 00:53:06,782 Is it still live? 1294 00:53:06,882 --> 00:53:08,417 I don't know. 1295 00:53:08,518 --> 00:53:10,686 Maybe we should find out. 1296 00:53:11,887 --> 00:53:13,356 Look... you have a... sound system in here? 1297 00:53:13,456 --> 00:53:17,193 Oh, no, no, no. Don't... d-don't touch. 1298 00:53:20,630 --> 00:53:22,499 - Katy Perry? - Oh... 1299 00:53:22,599 --> 00:53:25,535 Oh, uh... no, my wife must have put that in there, 1300 00:53:25,635 --> 00:53:28,205 'cause I've never heard this before in my life. 1301 00:53:28,304 --> 00:53:29,538 I love Katy Perry! 1302 00:53:29,639 --> 00:53:33,376 ♪ Baby, you're a firework ♪ 1303 00:53:33,476 --> 00:53:36,512 ♪ Come on, show 'em what you're worth... ♪ 1304 00:53:36,612 --> 00:53:37,646 I love... I mean, I have this on... 1305 00:53:37,746 --> 00:53:38,647 I listen to this all the time. 1306 00:53:38,748 --> 00:53:41,384 - Really? - I love her! 1307 00:53:41,483 --> 00:53:42,918 You know why I really like her? 1308 00:53:43,018 --> 00:53:45,321 'Cause... because she has such a strong message 1309 00:53:45,422 --> 00:53:48,625 for young women and girls across the planet. 1310 00:53:48,724 --> 00:53:50,460 She's a... It's so empowering. 1311 00:53:50,559 --> 00:53:52,394 Yeah. 1312 00:53:52,494 --> 00:53:56,398 You know, Dave, sometimes I feel like a plastic bag. 1313 00:53:56,498 --> 00:53:58,834 Drifting through the wind? 1314 00:53:58,934 --> 00:54:01,471 Wanting to start again. 1315 00:54:01,570 --> 00:54:02,938 Oh. 1316 00:54:03,039 --> 00:54:04,941 ♪ As you shoot across the ♪ 1317 00:54:05,041 --> 00:54:07,844 ♪ Sky, sky, sky... ♪ 1318 00:54:07,943 --> 00:54:09,679 Oh, good times. 1319 00:54:09,778 --> 00:54:11,581 - Yeah. - Yeah. Uh, Dave? 1320 00:54:11,681 --> 00:54:14,451 Do you think that margaritas are gay 1321 00:54:14,550 --> 00:54:16,418 because they are so sweet? 1322 00:54:16,518 --> 00:54:18,754 Did someone tell you that? That margaritas are gay? 1323 00:54:18,855 --> 00:54:21,490 No, it's just a question I have. 1324 00:54:21,590 --> 00:54:24,661 If liking Katy Perry and drinking margaritas is gay, 1325 00:54:24,760 --> 00:54:26,695 then who wants to be straight? 1326 00:54:26,795 --> 00:54:28,498 - Not me. - Boring! 1327 00:54:28,597 --> 00:54:30,432 Margaritas are great. 1328 00:54:30,532 --> 00:54:33,702 And whoever planted that in your head is crazy. 1329 00:54:33,802 --> 00:54:36,272 Let me ask you something. 1330 00:54:37,440 --> 00:54:39,442 Does this thing still run? 1331 00:54:58,393 --> 00:55:00,896 Oh, man, this is great, right? 1332 00:55:00,996 --> 00:55:02,699 Can we fire the gun? 1333 00:55:02,798 --> 00:55:05,302 You think I'd tease you and not take you all the way? 1334 00:55:05,402 --> 00:55:06,503 - Really? - Close that shit. 1335 00:55:06,603 --> 00:55:08,471 - Closing the hatch. - Okay. 1336 00:55:08,570 --> 00:55:10,406 Boom, boom, boom! 1337 00:55:14,476 --> 00:55:16,045 Oh, shit! 1338 00:55:16,146 --> 00:55:18,315 Fuck you, tree! 1339 00:55:19,547 --> 00:55:21,517 The control room will be fully staffed 1340 00:55:21,617 --> 00:55:23,652 to insure an uninterrupted transmission. 1341 00:55:23,753 --> 00:55:25,021 All right. 1342 00:55:25,121 --> 00:55:26,789 This is the kill switch. 1343 00:55:26,889 --> 00:55:29,958 During the interview, if any parameters are violated, 1344 00:55:30,059 --> 00:55:32,394 I will use it and cut the signal. 1345 00:55:32,494 --> 00:55:34,364 Don't worry, we're gonna stick with the program here. 1346 00:55:34,463 --> 00:55:37,366 I will be in charge of every aspect of this transmission. 1347 00:55:37,467 --> 00:55:39,702 Dave and the show itself are very dependent on me 1348 00:55:39,802 --> 00:55:42,371 when it comes to how we actually shoot the show. 1349 00:55:42,472 --> 00:55:43,940 I know. I've watched every episode 1350 00:55:44,039 --> 00:55:45,909 in preparation for this interview. 1351 00:55:46,009 --> 00:55:47,009 Wow! 1352 00:55:47,010 --> 00:55:48,044 I particularly enjoyed 1353 00:55:48,143 --> 00:55:50,579 the Miley Cyrus camel toe episode. 1354 00:55:50,679 --> 00:55:52,781 Oh, the camel toe episode. That was good. 1355 00:55:52,882 --> 00:55:54,918 I've never heard this expression before. 1356 00:55:55,018 --> 00:55:56,920 But after seeing it, it is a perfect 1357 00:55:57,019 --> 00:55:59,588 representation of her vagina. 1358 00:55:59,688 --> 00:56:01,657 It is; it looked exactly like that, yeah. 1359 00:56:01,757 --> 00:56:03,525 - It's very deep. - Very deep. Yeah. 1360 00:56:03,626 --> 00:56:04,793 She has quite a hearty moose knuckle. 1361 00:56:04,893 --> 00:56:08,364 You Americans are so creative with your sexual innuendos. 1362 00:56:08,465 --> 00:56:10,700 - We do it very well. - Many animal references. 1363 00:56:10,800 --> 00:56:11,800 Oh, yes, tons. 1364 00:56:18,940 --> 00:56:22,411 Please, take this printed copy of the questions. 1365 00:56:22,512 --> 00:56:24,614 It's crucial Dave review them before the interview. 1366 00:56:24,713 --> 00:56:26,482 Officers Koh and Yu will now take you 1367 00:56:26,583 --> 00:56:28,550 to your room, where you'll be served lunch. 1368 00:56:28,650 --> 00:56:29,952 Come, American. Time to get even fatter. 1369 00:56:30,052 --> 00:56:31,554 Oh, ha-ha. Great. 1370 00:56:31,653 --> 00:56:33,623 Thanks, guys. 1371 00:56:38,827 --> 00:56:41,130 Making you my little Korean bitch! 1372 00:56:41,231 --> 00:56:42,832 What are you gonna do? 1373 00:56:42,931 --> 00:56:44,400 You gonna drop some nukes on L.A.? 1374 00:56:44,501 --> 00:56:45,735 - Nuke your mama. - I bet they can't even 1375 00:56:45,835 --> 00:56:47,470 make it to Australia! 1376 00:56:49,706 --> 00:56:50,874 Face! 1377 00:56:53,175 --> 00:56:56,112 Man, this is so nice. 1378 00:56:56,211 --> 00:56:58,581 Let me ask you something. 1379 00:56:58,681 --> 00:57:00,416 Now, don't take this the wrong way. 1380 00:57:00,516 --> 00:57:02,418 You can ask me anything, Dave. 1381 00:57:03,485 --> 00:57:05,454 Do you pee and poo? 1382 00:57:05,554 --> 00:57:07,190 You've heard the stories, huh? 1383 00:57:08,190 --> 00:57:09,992 Yes, I pee and poo. 1384 00:57:10,092 --> 00:57:11,460 So you have a butthole. 1385 00:57:11,561 --> 00:57:12,629 I've got a butthole, 1386 00:57:12,728 --> 00:57:14,431 and it's working overtime. 1387 00:57:14,530 --> 00:57:15,864 You are awesome. 1388 00:57:15,965 --> 00:57:18,134 You know, this is so weird. 1389 00:57:18,233 --> 00:57:20,737 You are, like, the coolest guy. 1390 00:57:20,836 --> 00:57:22,172 But a lot of people 1391 00:57:22,271 --> 00:57:24,173 say that... 1392 00:57:24,273 --> 00:57:25,875 you're bat-shit crazy. 1393 00:57:25,974 --> 00:57:28,844 They're not wrong. 1394 00:57:30,179 --> 00:57:32,148 I'm 31 years old. 1395 00:57:32,248 --> 00:57:36,052 The fact that I am running a country is bat-shit crazy. 1396 00:57:36,152 --> 00:57:37,854 Hey, what am I to do 1397 00:57:37,954 --> 00:57:39,889 when 24 million people 1398 00:57:39,989 --> 00:57:43,760 look to me as their leader, their god? 1399 00:57:43,860 --> 00:57:47,463 What am I to do when my father's dying wish 1400 00:57:47,563 --> 00:57:50,165 was for me to carry his torch? 1401 00:57:50,266 --> 00:57:51,432 Wow. 1402 00:57:53,568 --> 00:57:55,971 You want to know what my father said to me on his deathbed? 1403 00:57:56,072 --> 00:57:57,807 What did he say, Dave? 1404 00:57:57,907 --> 00:57:59,209 "I'm disappointed, 1405 00:57:59,309 --> 00:58:01,644 because you haven't done enough with your life." 1406 00:58:01,744 --> 00:58:04,079 That is fucked up. 1407 00:58:04,179 --> 00:58:05,714 Yeah, tell me about it. 1408 00:58:05,815 --> 00:58:06,983 Jordan! 1409 00:58:08,117 --> 00:58:10,220 Oh! 1410 00:58:10,320 --> 00:58:12,789 - They call me incompetent. - That's exactly what they 1411 00:58:12,889 --> 00:58:16,059 - said about me when I scored this interview. -No way. 1412 00:58:16,159 --> 00:58:19,496 They said, "Dave Skylark is stupid and incompetent." 1413 00:58:19,596 --> 00:58:21,197 You're handsome, competent, suave. 1414 00:58:21,297 --> 00:58:22,831 How dare they! 1415 00:58:22,931 --> 00:58:27,135 I pretend like their insults don't get to me. 1416 00:58:27,235 --> 00:58:28,904 But they do. 1417 00:58:29,005 --> 00:58:32,242 You know what's more destructive than a nuclear bomb? 1418 00:58:32,342 --> 00:58:34,277 Words. 1419 00:58:34,376 --> 00:58:38,146 And the people are jealous of men like you and me. 1420 00:58:38,246 --> 00:58:42,618 It's as though they despise us because they are not us. 1421 00:58:44,820 --> 00:58:46,823 Hate us 'cause they ain't us. 1422 00:58:46,922 --> 00:58:48,824 Exactly. 1423 00:58:48,925 --> 00:58:50,760 They hate us because they ain't us. 1424 00:58:53,494 --> 00:58:55,697 - That's a great saying, okay? - Hate us 'cause they ain't us! 1425 00:58:55,797 --> 00:58:57,299 They hate us because they ain't us. 1426 00:58:59,135 --> 00:59:00,837 Kim! You got it, boy! 1427 00:59:00,936 --> 00:59:02,572 Okay. Okay. Alley-oop! 1428 00:59:02,672 --> 00:59:03,907 Oh! 1429 00:59:05,139 --> 00:59:06,775 That's all right. 1430 00:59:06,876 --> 00:59:09,278 - That's all right. - Oh, my ankles. 1431 00:59:09,378 --> 00:59:11,114 - Okay. - Hey, Kim. 1432 00:59:12,815 --> 00:59:15,050 Let me ask you something. 1433 00:59:18,152 --> 00:59:22,591 Was your father the one who said that margaritas are gay? 1434 00:59:22,692 --> 00:59:27,730 He said that my brothers and I were all too feminine. 1435 00:59:27,829 --> 00:59:32,134 That our luxurious lifestyles turned us into homosexuals. 1436 00:59:35,170 --> 00:59:38,173 I don't have to worry about that anymore. 1437 00:59:38,273 --> 00:59:41,743 Because guess what I get tons of. 1438 00:59:44,179 --> 00:59:45,782 Pussy. 1439 00:59:45,882 --> 00:59:47,983 Oh, my God. 1440 01:00:21,315 --> 01:00:22,918 Hey. 1441 01:00:23,018 --> 01:00:24,786 Dude, you just spent the fucking day 1442 01:00:24,887 --> 01:00:25,989 with Kim Jong-un. What happened? 1443 01:00:26,088 --> 01:00:27,222 Ah... 1444 01:00:27,322 --> 01:00:28,857 It was amazing. 1445 01:00:28,958 --> 01:00:30,660 - "It was amazing"? - Yeah. 1446 01:00:30,760 --> 01:00:33,062 I think it was one of the best days of my life. 1447 01:00:33,161 --> 01:00:34,730 - What? - We smoked joints, 1448 01:00:34,831 --> 01:00:36,865 played basketball, 1449 01:00:36,965 --> 01:00:38,333 fucked chicks. 1450 01:00:38,434 --> 01:00:40,136 We had the best margaritas. 1451 01:00:40,235 --> 01:00:42,137 Did you say you fucked chicks? 1452 01:00:42,237 --> 01:00:43,338 Oh, my God. 1453 01:00:43,438 --> 01:00:46,742 Kim Jong is an animal. 1454 01:00:46,842 --> 01:00:48,978 You know you have to kill this fucking guy tomorrow, right? 1455 01:00:49,077 --> 01:00:52,414 I've been thinking a little bit about the mission. 1456 01:00:52,514 --> 01:00:53,815 Okay. 1457 01:00:53,916 --> 01:00:55,852 America, you know, 1458 01:00:55,952 --> 01:01:00,657 always puttin' its nose in things and screwin' 'em up. 1459 01:01:00,757 --> 01:01:03,860 The truth is, Kim is a master at manipulating the media. 1460 01:01:03,960 --> 01:01:05,961 - Yeah. - You're the media. 1461 01:01:06,061 --> 01:01:07,730 You get what's happening here? 1462 01:01:07,829 --> 01:01:09,731 Maybe the media's manipulating you. 1463 01:01:09,831 --> 01:01:11,400 "Maybe the media's manip..."? 1464 01:01:11,501 --> 01:01:13,403 What the fuck does that even mean? 1465 01:01:13,503 --> 01:01:16,105 I'm the only one who's spent real time with him, all right? 1466 01:01:16,204 --> 01:01:18,106 Spent face-to-face time. 1467 01:01:18,206 --> 01:01:19,442 Dick-to-dick. 1468 01:01:19,541 --> 01:01:22,244 It's just, man, I can sympathize 1469 01:01:22,344 --> 01:01:24,880 with people that get dumped on by the media... and it sucks. 1470 01:01:24,981 --> 01:01:27,050 Well, you know what else fuckin' sucks? 1471 01:01:27,150 --> 01:01:30,720 Concentration camps, famine, firing squads... 1472 01:01:30,820 --> 01:01:31,721 I didn't see any here. Have you? 1473 01:01:31,820 --> 01:01:32,820 No. 1474 01:01:34,188 --> 01:01:36,458 Your attendance is required in the banquet room 1475 01:01:36,559 --> 01:01:38,294 of the Eternal Leader. 1476 01:01:38,393 --> 01:01:39,995 - Hey, how you doing? - Yeah, seriously. 1477 01:01:40,096 --> 01:01:42,264 You are looking fantastic. 1478 01:01:42,364 --> 01:01:44,266 Your unhealthy obsession with my well-being 1479 01:01:44,367 --> 01:01:46,436 is only making me more suspicious of you two. 1480 01:01:46,536 --> 01:01:48,104 - You don't have to be suspicious. -DAVE: Oh, no, no. 1481 01:01:48,204 --> 01:01:49,872 I just want to know what your routine is, man. 1482 01:01:49,972 --> 01:01:51,874 You look fantastic. Do you take vitamins or...? 1483 01:01:51,974 --> 01:01:53,042 - You're doin' somethin' right. - Yeah, you look good. 1484 01:01:53,141 --> 01:01:54,409 Do not ask us any more question. 1485 01:01:54,510 --> 01:01:56,913 Meet us in the banquet hall. 1486 01:02:31,512 --> 01:02:35,451 You see how big their guitars are compared to their bodies? 1487 01:02:37,552 --> 01:02:39,154 I think it's funny. 1488 01:02:39,255 --> 01:02:40,990 That is funny. 1489 01:02:48,262 --> 01:02:50,165 Oh, no. 1490 01:02:50,266 --> 01:02:52,401 It's happening. 1491 01:02:58,206 --> 01:03:00,876 Dave. 1492 01:03:02,077 --> 01:03:03,379 Dave. 1493 01:03:06,114 --> 01:03:07,114 No. 1494 01:03:18,527 --> 01:03:20,963 - Wait, what? - Look at the fu... 1495 01:03:21,063 --> 01:03:22,831 They're good. 1496 01:03:25,001 --> 01:03:28,805 Oh, shit. Oh, shit. Oh, shit. 1497 01:03:28,905 --> 01:03:30,273 Caw, caw. 1498 01:03:39,014 --> 01:03:41,217 - What do we do? - He's gonna poo. 1499 01:03:56,932 --> 01:04:00,001 Oh, no. Oh, no. 1500 01:04:00,101 --> 01:04:01,903 Oh, shit. Oh, no. Oh, no. 1501 01:04:06,173 --> 01:04:07,909 It's happening. 1502 01:04:22,358 --> 01:04:24,626 So gross. 1503 01:04:27,128 --> 01:04:29,164 Oh, no, no, no. 1504 01:04:29,264 --> 01:04:32,033 Oh, no! Oh, no! 1505 01:04:38,373 --> 01:04:42,043 Oh, no. Oh, no. 1506 01:04:51,719 --> 01:04:54,189 It's okay, man. 1507 01:04:54,289 --> 01:04:55,458 No. 1508 01:04:55,557 --> 01:04:56,893 Come on, man. 1509 01:04:56,992 --> 01:04:59,327 We just killed two innocent men. 1510 01:04:59,427 --> 01:05:00,929 Look, Dave, first of all, 1511 01:05:01,030 --> 01:05:02,999 it's not your fault that those men died. 1512 01:05:03,099 --> 01:05:04,467 Second of all, they had to go. 1513 01:05:04,567 --> 01:05:05,902 They knew we were up to something. 1514 01:05:07,469 --> 01:05:10,206 - I'm out. - What? 1515 01:05:10,306 --> 01:05:12,226 - You cannot pull out of this. - I'm pulling out. 1516 01:05:12,307 --> 01:05:13,643 - You're way too deep to pull out. -I'm pullin' out. 1517 01:05:13,742 --> 01:05:15,076 No, you are not. You are leaving it in. 1518 01:05:15,177 --> 01:05:16,545 I been pullin' out for years, son. 1519 01:05:16,644 --> 01:05:19,014 You are not fucking pulling out of this mission. 1520 01:05:19,114 --> 01:05:20,282 That's the only reason we're here. 1521 01:05:20,382 --> 01:05:21,650 We are doing this! 1522 01:05:21,751 --> 01:05:23,019 Kim is not evil. 1523 01:05:23,119 --> 01:05:24,653 He was just born into a hard situation. 1524 01:05:24,753 --> 01:05:27,690 You are fucking stupid, and you are fucking ignorant, Dave. 1525 01:05:30,659 --> 01:05:33,128 - Mm! - Ugh! 1526 01:05:33,228 --> 01:05:35,096 - Who you calling ign'ant? - You, motherfucker. 1527 01:05:35,197 --> 01:05:37,532 You're fuckin' arrogant. 1528 01:05:37,632 --> 01:05:39,401 Everything he's shown you is fake. 1529 01:05:39,501 --> 01:05:41,503 He's shown you what you want to see. 1530 01:05:41,603 --> 01:05:43,105 He's fooled you, you fucking idiot! 1531 01:05:43,204 --> 01:05:46,375 God, look how ready you are to betray me. 1532 01:05:46,474 --> 01:05:50,112 This whole time I thought you were Samwise to my Frodo. 1533 01:05:50,211 --> 01:05:52,514 But you're just Boromir. 1534 01:05:52,614 --> 01:05:54,049 I don't know who the fuck that is. 1535 01:05:54,150 --> 01:05:55,350 "I don't know who Boromir is." 1536 01:05:55,418 --> 01:05:56,519 That's such a Boromir thing to say. 1537 01:05:56,619 --> 01:05:57,987 This is fuckin' done. 1538 01:05:58,086 --> 01:05:59,521 You are fuckin' done after this. 1539 01:05:59,621 --> 01:06:01,990 Once you kill this motherfucker, this shit's over. 1540 01:06:02,090 --> 01:06:03,558 But you are going to kill him! 1541 01:06:03,659 --> 01:06:05,427 You've just turned me into a gun, and you're pointing me 1542 01:06:05,527 --> 01:06:06,962 at the one guy who actually gets me. 1543 01:06:07,063 --> 01:06:09,265 Well, you know what, cowboy? 1544 01:06:09,364 --> 01:06:12,367 A gun can't fire without no bullets. 1545 01:06:12,467 --> 01:06:13,735 What the fuck are you doing?! 1546 01:06:13,835 --> 01:06:17,138 - No, no, no, no, no, no! - Yes, yes! Yes, yes! 1547 01:06:19,275 --> 01:06:20,675 Do you realize what you just did? 1548 01:06:20,775 --> 01:06:22,095 I just saved a life, you murderer. 1549 01:06:22,177 --> 01:06:24,679 - You piece of fu... - Mr. Skylark. 1550 01:06:24,780 --> 01:06:26,615 The Supreme Leader requests your presence 1551 01:06:26,715 --> 01:06:28,275 at a restaurant in Pyongyang for dinner. 1552 01:06:28,317 --> 01:06:31,420 He will be at your door in 30 minutes. 1553 01:06:43,565 --> 01:06:45,400 Hey, Dave. 1554 01:06:45,501 --> 01:06:48,604 Thank you for being with me in my time of sorrow. 1555 01:06:50,539 --> 01:06:54,410 That was super-gross and fucked-up. 1556 01:06:54,510 --> 01:06:56,045 Hi. 1557 01:06:56,144 --> 01:06:58,581 Uh, Mr. Supreme Leader. 1558 01:06:58,681 --> 01:06:59,782 I'm Aaron. 1559 01:07:01,650 --> 01:07:03,719 - Aaron? - Hello. 1560 01:07:03,818 --> 01:07:07,623 Uh, we never got a chance to formally meet, Mr. Great Leader. 1561 01:07:07,722 --> 01:07:10,659 I just wanted to shake your hand. 1562 01:07:10,759 --> 01:07:14,663 Well, any friend of Dave is a friend of mine. 1563 01:07:19,601 --> 01:07:21,737 Uh-huh. 1564 01:07:27,608 --> 01:07:29,511 No! 1565 01:07:29,612 --> 01:07:31,280 - Don't shake that hand. - Why not? 1566 01:07:31,380 --> 01:07:32,548 Yeah, why not?! 1567 01:07:32,648 --> 01:07:34,216 Because Aaron's a Jew. 1568 01:07:34,315 --> 01:07:37,118 - Oh, gross. - Let's go, Supreme Leader. 1569 01:07:37,219 --> 01:07:38,621 Okay. It was nice meeting you. 1570 01:07:38,721 --> 01:07:40,755 Don't you know Jews are bad luck? 1571 01:07:40,856 --> 01:07:43,292 Fuck you, fuck you! 1572 01:07:43,391 --> 01:07:44,791 Friends don't kill friends' friends. 1573 01:07:47,862 --> 01:07:50,165 Okay. Okay. 1574 01:07:50,266 --> 01:07:52,568 Oh, fuck. 1575 01:07:58,472 --> 01:08:00,409 Mr. Rapoport, we need to review some new data 1576 01:08:00,509 --> 01:08:02,677 the Leader wants included in tomorrow's interview. 1577 01:08:02,777 --> 01:08:05,080 Now's not really the best time. 1578 01:08:05,181 --> 01:08:07,383 It will only take a moment. 1579 01:08:07,483 --> 01:08:09,785 Yeah, okay. 1580 01:08:09,885 --> 01:08:11,487 - Great. - Thank you. 1581 01:08:11,586 --> 01:08:13,655 Would you like to share a drink? 1582 01:08:16,358 --> 01:08:18,094 Raise your glasses. 1583 01:08:18,194 --> 01:08:19,862 Koh and Yu! 1584 01:08:19,962 --> 01:08:24,600 Koh and Yu possessed the finest trait men can have: 1585 01:08:24,699 --> 01:08:26,801 Loyalty. 1586 01:08:26,902 --> 01:08:28,436 I know how you feel. My dog Digby died 1587 01:08:28,537 --> 01:08:31,407 when I was a kid, and I'm still fucked up about it. 1588 01:08:34,542 --> 01:08:37,746 Loyalty is what made my father 1589 01:08:37,845 --> 01:08:39,814 and grandfather so successful. 1590 01:08:39,914 --> 01:08:42,451 That's right. Listen up. Hey, listen up. You. 1591 01:08:42,551 --> 01:08:44,420 Without loyalty, 1592 01:08:44,520 --> 01:08:46,856 a country is a lawless jungle. 1593 01:08:49,858 --> 01:08:52,328 Welcome to the jungle, baby. Welcome to the jungle. 1594 01:08:52,427 --> 01:08:54,896 On your sh-n-n-n-n-n-n knees. 1595 01:08:54,997 --> 01:09:00,302 How else can I prevail against so many enemies? 1596 01:09:00,402 --> 01:09:02,203 Defectors. 1597 01:09:02,304 --> 01:09:04,140 South Korean capitalists. 1598 01:09:04,239 --> 01:09:06,474 The people in this room... 1599 01:09:06,574 --> 01:09:09,478 who don't think I can fill my father's shoes! 1600 01:09:09,578 --> 01:09:12,848 These bastards deserve no humanity! 1601 01:09:14,783 --> 01:09:17,920 To those who seek to undermine me, 1602 01:09:18,020 --> 01:09:20,189 at home and abroad, 1603 01:09:20,288 --> 01:09:23,224 I cannot respond with anything less 1604 01:09:23,324 --> 01:09:26,862 than the totality of my strength! 1605 01:09:26,962 --> 01:09:30,633 If a billion people across the Earth and in my own country 1606 01:09:30,733 --> 01:09:32,735 must be burned to prove it 1607 01:09:32,835 --> 01:09:36,337 then my worthiness as a Kim 1608 01:09:36,438 --> 01:09:38,806 will be demonstrated! 1609 01:09:48,617 --> 01:09:51,186 Um... 1610 01:09:51,287 --> 01:09:54,289 Hey, Kim, I gotta go outside. 1611 01:09:54,390 --> 01:09:56,192 Is that okay? I'm just feelin'... 1612 01:09:56,292 --> 01:10:00,196 Too much, uh, s-s-soju, whatever. 1613 01:10:00,296 --> 01:10:02,798 Okay. 1614 01:10:02,898 --> 01:10:04,533 I'll be back. 1615 01:10:04,632 --> 01:10:07,970 So how'd you wind up as one of the heads 1616 01:10:08,069 --> 01:10:09,837 of a, uh, dictatorship? 1617 01:10:09,938 --> 01:10:11,507 Ah. 1618 01:10:11,606 --> 01:10:13,509 One day, party officials came to my classroom 1619 01:10:13,609 --> 01:10:15,411 in search of a young woman 1620 01:10:15,511 --> 01:10:17,780 to serve on the Kim family personal staff. 1621 01:10:17,880 --> 01:10:20,583 They selected me. 1622 01:10:20,682 --> 01:10:22,318 Over the years, 1623 01:10:22,417 --> 01:10:24,385 I grew close with Kim Jong-un. 1624 01:10:24,485 --> 01:10:27,789 When he rose to power, he took me with him. 1625 01:10:29,457 --> 01:10:31,794 And here I am. 1626 01:10:31,894 --> 01:10:34,563 Kinda have a guy like that in my life, too. 1627 01:10:34,662 --> 01:10:37,665 You've been with Dave a long time. 1628 01:10:37,765 --> 01:10:39,467 He's a hard guy to leave. 1629 01:10:39,568 --> 01:10:41,488 You just like the money and can't say no to Dave. 1630 01:10:41,502 --> 01:10:43,538 No... 1631 01:10:43,639 --> 01:10:45,807 Yes! I know you. 1632 01:10:45,908 --> 01:10:47,843 You're fuckin' awesome. 1633 01:10:47,943 --> 01:10:50,546 - No, I don't understand you. - And it's a little bit weird. 1634 01:10:50,645 --> 01:10:52,847 I mean, do you have a boyfriend in this country? 1635 01:10:52,948 --> 01:10:56,352 Is that too forward of me to ask? 1636 01:10:56,452 --> 01:10:59,454 What are you lookin' at? 1637 01:10:59,555 --> 01:11:02,658 - I should leave. - Why? 1638 01:11:02,757 --> 01:11:05,961 I'm concerned my feelings of attraction for you 1639 01:11:06,060 --> 01:11:08,264 will cause me to make mistakes. 1640 01:11:08,363 --> 01:11:10,331 Your feelings of attraction for me? 1641 01:11:10,431 --> 01:11:12,867 Fuck this! 1642 01:11:14,703 --> 01:11:16,303 Ever since I saw you on that mountaintop, 1643 01:11:16,372 --> 01:11:17,840 this is all I've been thinking about. 1644 01:11:17,939 --> 01:11:19,440 Me, too. 1645 01:12:39,554 --> 01:12:42,024 Fake. 1646 01:12:42,123 --> 01:12:44,492 Fake carrots. 1647 01:12:44,592 --> 01:12:45,760 Fake fruit! 1648 01:12:45,860 --> 01:12:46,929 Fake! 1649 01:12:48,729 --> 01:12:50,732 Fake! 1650 01:12:50,832 --> 01:12:53,501 Fake grapefruits! 1651 01:12:53,601 --> 01:12:55,503 Fake! 1652 01:12:56,537 --> 01:12:58,539 Liar! 1653 01:12:59,908 --> 01:13:02,911 You liar! 1654 01:13:09,917 --> 01:13:11,920 Why aren't I naked yet? 1655 01:13:12,020 --> 01:13:14,123 Uh... 1656 01:13:16,158 --> 01:13:17,659 - Aah! - Yeah. 1657 01:13:17,759 --> 01:13:20,128 You're hairy, you're so hairy like a bear! 1658 01:13:20,229 --> 01:13:22,164 You're fucking sexy, yeah. 1659 01:13:22,264 --> 01:13:24,132 Your nipples are so pink! 1660 01:13:24,233 --> 01:13:25,233 Yes, they are. 1661 01:13:25,234 --> 01:13:26,568 I love it! 1662 01:13:27,869 --> 01:13:29,704 Okay, no, whoa, no! 1663 01:13:29,805 --> 01:13:31,573 - No hands. - No hands? 1664 01:13:31,672 --> 01:13:32,707 I'm not into handsy shit. 1665 01:13:32,807 --> 01:13:33,807 That's how I like it. 1666 01:13:33,876 --> 01:13:34,876 Well... 1667 01:13:35,810 --> 01:13:37,980 Just take it off. 1668 01:13:38,079 --> 01:13:39,814 Okay. 1669 01:13:40,916 --> 01:13:41,984 You said no hands! 1670 01:13:42,083 --> 01:13:43,152 You fucking hit me with your hand! 1671 01:13:43,252 --> 01:13:44,953 How do I get it off? 1672 01:13:45,052 --> 01:13:48,090 Use your big, fat American teeth. 1673 01:13:48,189 --> 01:13:50,024 Okay, I will! 1674 01:13:50,125 --> 01:13:51,560 This is awesome. 1675 01:13:57,298 --> 01:13:59,201 Oh, this is hard. 1676 01:14:04,072 --> 01:14:05,072 Shit... 1677 01:14:06,573 --> 01:14:08,576 Oh, shit, what's wrong? 1678 01:14:09,978 --> 01:14:13,882 The numbers I gave you on potato output... 1679 01:14:13,981 --> 01:14:16,018 are exaggerated. 1680 01:14:16,118 --> 01:14:17,653 That's okay with me. I don't really care about that. 1681 01:14:17,752 --> 01:14:18,832 If you want, you can give me 1682 01:14:18,921 --> 01:14:20,588 the real numbers, and we can get back 1683 01:14:20,689 --> 01:14:23,492 - to what we were doing. - No, it's not just the numbers. 1684 01:14:23,591 --> 01:14:25,493 I am a terrible person. 1685 01:14:25,594 --> 01:14:26,595 No, you're not. You're the best person. 1686 01:14:26,694 --> 01:14:28,054 You were about to have sex with me. 1687 01:14:28,095 --> 01:14:29,815 That's like the best thing someone could do. 1688 01:14:29,864 --> 01:14:33,601 I'm the propagandist of a totalitarian dictatorship. 1689 01:14:33,702 --> 01:14:35,604 That's an area you could improve, 1690 01:14:35,703 --> 01:14:38,139 but, you know, you don't have to dwell on it or anything. 1691 01:14:38,239 --> 01:14:42,176 He's as cruel as his father and grandfather before him. 1692 01:14:42,277 --> 01:14:43,846 You knew this this whole time. 1693 01:14:43,945 --> 01:14:45,948 Why is this just bothering you now? 1694 01:14:46,047 --> 01:14:47,949 It's been bothering me for a long time, 1695 01:14:48,050 --> 01:14:50,918 and I'm not the only one, 1696 01:14:51,019 --> 01:14:54,923 but too many people see him as a god. 1697 01:14:55,023 --> 01:14:57,826 How do you prove to 24 million people 1698 01:14:57,926 --> 01:15:01,630 that their god is a murderer and a liar? 1699 01:15:01,729 --> 01:15:03,729 Aaron, I need to talk. 1700 01:15:03,731 --> 01:15:05,033 Fuck, it's Dave... shit. 1701 01:15:06,268 --> 01:15:07,869 You, you hide in there, I'll be back. 1702 01:15:07,970 --> 01:15:10,072 - I'll go deal with him. - Okay, go, go, go... 1703 01:15:10,171 --> 01:15:11,772 Oh, shit. 1704 01:15:11,872 --> 01:15:14,576 - Aaron, are you here? - Yeah, one sec, uh, one sec. 1705 01:15:14,676 --> 01:15:17,513 - One sec... don't come in, don't come in! -I need to talk. 1706 01:15:17,613 --> 01:15:19,181 Hey, how's it going, dude? 1707 01:15:19,280 --> 01:15:20,815 - Not good. - Uh, maybe now's 1708 01:15:20,916 --> 01:15:22,117 not a good time, maybe we should take a walk. 1709 01:15:22,216 --> 01:15:24,652 No, no, no, no, I can't walk this off. 1710 01:15:24,752 --> 01:15:25,820 I cannot walk this off. 1711 01:15:25,921 --> 01:15:27,122 I need to... 1712 01:15:28,689 --> 01:15:29,857 I'm so fucking pissed. 1713 01:15:29,957 --> 01:15:31,117 I just want to hit something! 1714 01:15:31,158 --> 01:15:32,158 No, no! 1715 01:15:32,194 --> 01:15:33,295 No, don't punch anything! 1716 01:15:35,829 --> 01:15:36,832 Breathe. 1717 01:15:36,931 --> 01:15:38,733 Just breathe, maybe pace it out. 1718 01:15:38,833 --> 01:15:40,668 Fuck, man. 1719 01:15:40,769 --> 01:15:42,003 Kim. 1720 01:15:42,104 --> 01:15:43,838 - Wha-What about him? - He's going crazy. 1721 01:15:43,939 --> 01:15:45,207 He said he's going to blow up the world 1722 01:15:45,306 --> 01:15:46,974 just to show that he's the shit. 1723 01:15:47,074 --> 01:15:48,710 And at first, I thought, 1724 01:15:48,810 --> 01:15:50,946 "All right, maybe he's just talking, you know, 1725 01:15:51,046 --> 01:15:53,682 maybe he doesn't mean it." 1726 01:15:53,782 --> 01:15:56,851 Then I saw this fake fucking grapefruit. 1727 01:15:56,952 --> 01:15:57,985 What? 1728 01:15:58,953 --> 01:16:00,689 All the food in that grocery store is fake! 1729 01:16:00,788 --> 01:16:02,090 He fucking lied to me. 1730 01:16:02,189 --> 01:16:04,826 Maybe that, maybe that fat kid isn't fat. 1731 01:16:04,926 --> 01:16:08,830 I mean, oh, what about the concentration camps? 1732 01:16:08,930 --> 01:16:09,965 And the famine... maybe that's real. 1733 01:16:10,064 --> 01:16:12,033 God! 1734 01:16:12,134 --> 01:16:14,735 It is... I've been telling you that for weeks now. 1735 01:16:14,836 --> 01:16:15,971 He fucking honeydicked me. 1736 01:16:16,070 --> 01:16:18,105 He honeydicked the shit out of me. 1737 01:16:18,206 --> 01:16:20,242 - Sucks. - You still got that poison? 1738 01:16:23,344 --> 01:16:25,846 You can't speak? What the fuck? 1739 01:16:25,947 --> 01:16:27,748 I want to know if you have the fucking poison 1740 01:16:27,849 --> 01:16:30,252 - so we can kill that motherfucker. -What?! 1741 01:16:30,351 --> 01:16:31,920 Whoa, ho, spy! What the hell?! 1742 01:16:32,020 --> 01:16:33,780 - She's on our side! - Fuck's going on here?! 1743 01:16:33,822 --> 01:16:35,257 - You can trust me, I'm okay. - You can trust her, man! 1744 01:16:35,356 --> 01:16:37,759 Trust her?! Are you joking?! We got to kill her. 1745 01:16:37,859 --> 01:16:39,895 - Oh, my God, what are you doing? - Dude, I was in bed with her! 1746 01:16:39,994 --> 01:16:41,128 - What?! - We're hooking up. 1747 01:16:41,229 --> 01:16:42,631 - That's why she's here. - What?! 1748 01:16:42,730 --> 01:16:44,065 Let him go; everything is fine. 1749 01:16:44,166 --> 01:16:45,266 Now we got to kill the girl that you like. 1750 01:16:45,367 --> 01:16:46,802 This is the worst moment ever! 1751 01:16:46,902 --> 01:16:48,369 We're not killing her! 1752 01:16:50,005 --> 01:16:51,340 - She's loyal to Kim. - No! 1753 01:16:51,439 --> 01:16:54,609 Dude, she was just telling me she's with us. 1754 01:16:54,710 --> 01:16:55,743 I hate Kim. 1755 01:16:55,844 --> 01:16:57,813 He is a terrible leader. 1756 01:16:57,912 --> 01:16:59,080 - See? - Okay. 1757 01:16:59,180 --> 01:17:00,815 She can help us kill him. 1758 01:17:00,916 --> 01:17:02,684 What? No, no, no killing. 1759 01:17:02,783 --> 01:17:03,783 Kim must die. 1760 01:17:03,784 --> 01:17:05,186 That's the American way. 1761 01:17:05,287 --> 01:17:08,190 How many times can the U.S. make the same mistake? 1762 01:17:08,289 --> 01:17:09,824 As many times as it takes. 1763 01:17:09,925 --> 01:17:11,393 Killing Kim won't change anything. 1764 01:17:11,493 --> 01:17:12,761 You said it yourself. 1765 01:17:12,860 --> 01:17:14,395 We got to do something, right? 1766 01:17:14,496 --> 01:17:15,931 He will be replaced. 1767 01:17:16,030 --> 01:17:17,164 He has brothers, he has other generals. 1768 01:17:17,265 --> 01:17:18,367 The people need 1769 01:17:18,466 --> 01:17:21,168 to be shown that he is not a god, 1770 01:17:21,269 --> 01:17:22,771 that he is a man. 1771 01:17:22,871 --> 01:17:24,773 Then they will be ready for change. 1772 01:17:24,872 --> 01:17:26,942 Yeah, how? 1773 01:17:27,042 --> 01:17:29,177 Interviewing him. 1774 01:17:29,277 --> 01:17:32,047 Everyone in North Korea will be watching. 1775 01:17:32,146 --> 01:17:33,948 No... the interview's scripted. 1776 01:17:34,048 --> 01:17:37,252 His people are never going to let me ask real questions. 1777 01:17:37,351 --> 01:17:39,654 Dave, I am his people. 1778 01:17:39,755 --> 01:17:40,795 She controls the broadcast. 1779 01:17:40,822 --> 01:17:43,025 I can't do political interviews. 1780 01:17:43,125 --> 01:17:44,926 I do entertainment interviews. 1781 01:17:45,025 --> 01:17:47,429 Dude, you can fucking do this. 1782 01:17:47,529 --> 01:17:49,529 - Yeah? -Yeah, you don't interview with your brain. 1783 01:17:49,530 --> 01:17:51,065 You interview with your heart. 1784 01:17:51,166 --> 01:17:53,435 - True. - Your emotion, Dave. 1785 01:17:53,534 --> 01:17:56,438 You get Kim Jong-un to fucking cry like a baby 1786 01:17:56,537 --> 01:17:59,206 in front of all of North Korea? 1787 01:17:59,306 --> 01:18:00,942 They'll know he's not a god. 1788 01:18:01,042 --> 01:18:04,980 - I think I can do this. - You can do it. 1789 01:18:05,079 --> 01:18:08,350 I'm Dave Skylark and I can interview anyone. 1790 01:18:08,449 --> 01:18:09,818 Yeah, you can. 1791 01:18:09,917 --> 01:18:12,286 Let's take this motherfucker down! 1792 01:18:26,167 --> 01:18:28,236 - Oh, God, oh, God! - Oh, ah! 1793 01:18:28,336 --> 01:18:30,176 - You got a lot of pent-up energy! - 1794 01:18:30,271 --> 01:18:31,271 Oh, God! 1795 01:18:33,474 --> 01:18:35,711 Okay, everything's ready. 1796 01:18:35,810 --> 01:18:36,844 Uh, you ready to rock? 1797 01:18:36,944 --> 01:18:37,978 Y-You memorize all those facts? 1798 01:18:38,078 --> 01:18:39,078 I'm ready, baby. 1799 01:18:39,079 --> 01:18:40,148 Great. 1800 01:18:40,247 --> 01:18:41,767 How many people in concentration camps? 1801 01:18:41,850 --> 01:18:42,850 200,000. 1802 01:18:42,884 --> 01:18:43,851 How many people malnourished? 1803 01:18:43,952 --> 01:18:45,052 16 million. 1804 01:18:45,153 --> 01:18:47,055 They spent $800 million on nukes last year 1805 01:18:47,154 --> 01:18:50,425 and got $200 million in food aid from the UN. 1806 01:18:50,524 --> 01:18:52,793 And I got more where that came from, baby. 1807 01:18:52,894 --> 01:18:55,262 Really good... you're going to nail this shit. 1808 01:18:55,363 --> 01:18:57,132 - I just wish we had a fucking escape plan. -Why don't we go 1809 01:18:57,231 --> 01:18:59,351 - to Japan? -Well, 'cause it's across the Sea of Japan. 1810 01:18:59,367 --> 01:19:01,036 - Why don't we swim? - Can't swim that. 1811 01:19:01,136 --> 01:19:02,904 - Oh, I'm a good swimmer. - It's really, really far. 1812 01:19:03,003 --> 01:19:04,405 - People have done it. - Nope. 1813 01:19:04,506 --> 01:19:06,306 - Yep, Michael Phelps did it. - That's not true. 1814 01:19:06,307 --> 01:19:07,347 Okay. -Okay. 1815 01:19:08,009 --> 01:19:09,289 Skylark, two-minute warning. 1816 01:19:09,377 --> 01:19:10,779 Just keep me on the air as long as you can. 1817 01:19:10,878 --> 01:19:11,912 I will, man. 1818 01:19:12,012 --> 01:19:13,782 Maybe we won't get out of here. 1819 01:19:13,881 --> 01:19:15,216 No, we might die. 1820 01:19:15,317 --> 01:19:17,786 I've had a great life. 1821 01:19:17,886 --> 01:19:19,154 I had the best best friend. 1822 01:19:19,253 --> 01:19:21,890 Fucked more women than Ellen DeGeneres. 1823 01:19:21,989 --> 01:19:23,425 And now it's time 1824 01:19:23,524 --> 01:19:25,760 for the North Korean people to get their dicks wet. 1825 01:19:27,028 --> 01:19:29,765 This is a perfect ending for the tell-all. 1826 01:19:31,231 --> 01:19:35,170 As the two best friends stared each other in the eyes, 1827 01:19:35,270 --> 01:19:38,173 they knew that this might be 1828 01:19:38,273 --> 01:19:40,342 the end of the long road, 1829 01:19:40,442 --> 01:19:42,444 but they also knew 1830 01:19:42,543 --> 01:19:45,247 how much they meant to each other, and even though 1831 01:19:45,346 --> 01:19:48,916 neither one could say it out loud, 1832 01:19:49,016 --> 01:19:51,485 they were both thinking... 1833 01:19:51,586 --> 01:19:54,122 I love you. 1834 01:19:55,957 --> 01:19:58,059 Okay, man, you got this. 1835 01:19:58,158 --> 01:19:59,158 Okay. 1836 01:20:02,395 --> 01:20:04,398 Showtime. 1837 01:21:02,023 --> 01:21:04,059 Dave. 1838 01:21:04,158 --> 01:21:05,393 Kim. 1839 01:21:07,994 --> 01:21:09,434 Are you ready to share with the world 1840 01:21:09,530 --> 01:21:11,399 that gorgeous smile of yours? 1841 01:21:11,498 --> 01:21:14,469 Tonight, I think it's your smile they want to see. 1842 01:21:16,171 --> 01:21:17,405 I have something for you. 1843 01:21:17,505 --> 01:21:19,140 What?! 1844 01:21:21,676 --> 01:21:22,878 What's this? 1845 01:21:22,978 --> 01:21:24,212 Open. 1846 01:21:30,583 --> 01:21:32,653 Aw... aw! 1847 01:21:32,753 --> 01:21:34,288 For me? 1848 01:21:34,389 --> 01:21:36,291 For you. 1849 01:21:36,390 --> 01:21:39,094 Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh...! 1850 01:21:39,194 --> 01:21:41,897 Oh, he's just like Digby. 1851 01:21:41,997 --> 01:21:43,097 Just like Digby. 1852 01:21:43,198 --> 01:21:44,432 I think I'm gonna die. 1853 01:21:44,532 --> 01:21:46,368 - Oh, my God... - Don't die, please. 1854 01:21:46,467 --> 01:21:48,435 Not till after the interview. 1855 01:21:48,536 --> 01:21:51,105 This dog is killing me with cuteness. 1856 01:21:51,206 --> 01:21:53,108 - He's crazy cute. - Can I keep it? 1857 01:21:53,207 --> 01:21:55,576 Take him home, forever and ever. 1858 01:21:55,676 --> 01:21:57,912 Why? 1859 01:21:58,012 --> 01:22:02,617 I live a lonely life, Dave... 1860 01:22:02,716 --> 01:22:05,252 and it warms my heart to know 1861 01:22:05,353 --> 01:22:07,188 that there is someone in this world 1862 01:22:07,287 --> 01:22:10,391 with whom I can truly be myself. 1863 01:22:10,492 --> 01:22:13,395 Whatever they say about you... 1864 01:22:15,128 --> 01:22:16,530 ...they're wrong. 1865 01:22:18,466 --> 01:22:21,202 I'm just me and I do my best. 1866 01:22:21,301 --> 01:22:22,403 You're my brother. 1867 01:22:24,171 --> 01:22:25,506 You're my brother. 1868 01:22:27,507 --> 01:22:29,344 Let's get this out of the way, okay? 1869 01:22:29,444 --> 01:22:31,112 - Okay. - Okay. 1870 01:22:31,212 --> 01:22:33,648 And what are we gonna name you, huh? 1871 01:22:33,747 --> 01:22:35,549 You need a name? Yes, you do. 1872 01:22:41,588 --> 01:22:43,725 Look, look. He looks just like Digby. 1873 01:22:45,393 --> 01:22:47,362 You gotta be fucking kidding me. 1874 01:22:47,462 --> 01:22:49,631 We see you in a minute. Bye-bye. 1875 01:22:51,431 --> 01:22:52,533 - Okay... - Okay. 1876 01:22:52,634 --> 01:22:54,368 - Shall we begin? - Are you ready? 1877 01:22:54,469 --> 01:22:55,670 Shut the fuck up. 1878 01:22:55,770 --> 01:22:57,130 Guys, it's starting! It's starting. 1879 01:22:58,472 --> 01:23:01,342 And we're on in five... 1880 01:23:01,443 --> 01:23:03,311 four, three... 1881 01:23:06,346 --> 01:23:08,015 Good evening. 1882 01:23:08,115 --> 01:23:09,684 And good morning to our viewers around the world. 1883 01:23:09,783 --> 01:23:11,518 I'm Dave Skylark. 1884 01:23:11,618 --> 01:23:15,523 Thank you for joining me for this historic moment in history. 1885 01:23:15,622 --> 01:23:17,291 I'm with President Kim Jong-un 1886 01:23:17,391 --> 01:23:20,260 of the Democratic People's Republic of Korea. 1887 01:23:20,360 --> 01:23:22,197 We are broadcasting 1888 01:23:22,296 --> 01:23:24,365 from a station outside of Pyongyang 1889 01:23:24,466 --> 01:23:26,201 for this very special edition of: 1890 01:23:26,301 --> 01:23:28,069 "Skylark Tonight." 1891 01:23:29,503 --> 01:23:31,605 Thank you for joining me, 1892 01:23:31,706 --> 01:23:33,307 President Kim Jong-un. 1893 01:23:33,408 --> 01:23:35,076 It is my pleasure, Dave. 1894 01:23:35,176 --> 01:23:37,679 You know, there is so much misunderstanding 1895 01:23:37,779 --> 01:23:39,414 about North Korea 1896 01:23:39,514 --> 01:23:41,382 and, uh, me personally. 1897 01:23:41,483 --> 01:23:43,418 - Mm-hmm. - And I can't think of a man 1898 01:23:43,518 --> 01:23:45,686 with greater intelligence than you. 1899 01:23:45,787 --> 01:23:47,222 I am grateful 1900 01:23:47,322 --> 01:23:49,757 for this opportunity for my government 1901 01:23:49,858 --> 01:23:52,159 and for the international community 1902 01:23:52,260 --> 01:23:55,797 to forge a better relationship. 1903 01:23:55,896 --> 01:23:57,564 So you want to set the record straight. 1904 01:23:57,664 --> 01:23:59,033 Indeed, Dave. 1905 01:23:59,134 --> 01:24:00,568 Camera three. 1906 01:24:00,667 --> 01:24:02,103 Tensions between your nation 1907 01:24:02,203 --> 01:24:05,340 and South Korea are at an all-time high. 1908 01:24:05,439 --> 01:24:08,509 It's fair to say that you're on the brink of armed conflict. 1909 01:24:08,609 --> 01:24:11,179 So, what I want to know is: 1910 01:24:11,279 --> 01:24:13,715 In these times of great stress, 1911 01:24:13,814 --> 01:24:15,582 do you do karaoke? 1912 01:24:15,682 --> 01:24:17,351 Yes, I do, Dave. 1913 01:24:17,452 --> 01:24:21,056 I believe that it is important for those in power 1914 01:24:21,155 --> 01:24:23,524 to remain in touch with the beauty in life. 1915 01:24:23,625 --> 01:24:26,661 You are also a very accomplished painter, aren't you? 1916 01:24:26,761 --> 01:24:28,329 Well, how can I not be? 1917 01:24:28,429 --> 01:24:29,829 He's reading the scripted questions. 1918 01:24:29,831 --> 01:24:31,666 He lulls them and then he gets them. 1919 01:24:31,765 --> 01:24:33,268 It's his technique. 1920 01:24:33,368 --> 01:24:34,669 The beauty guides you. 1921 01:24:34,769 --> 01:24:36,237 It guides my hand. 1922 01:24:36,337 --> 01:24:38,773 This is fuckin' bullshit. 1923 01:24:38,872 --> 01:24:40,442 Let's take it to a serious tip. 1924 01:24:40,542 --> 01:24:42,277 Supreme Leader Kim, when... 1925 01:24:42,377 --> 01:24:44,145 the United States, 1926 01:24:44,244 --> 01:24:47,282 which has an enormous stockpile of nuclear weapons, 1927 01:24:47,381 --> 01:24:52,453 insists that countries like yours have none, 1928 01:24:52,554 --> 01:24:55,489 does that feel hypocritical to you? 1929 01:24:55,590 --> 01:24:57,859 Many Americans do not realize 1930 01:24:57,958 --> 01:25:00,161 that the war in North Korea 1931 01:25:00,261 --> 01:25:02,864 was entirely the fault of the United States. 1932 01:25:02,963 --> 01:25:05,699 Damn! Kim's callin' us out! 1933 01:25:05,800 --> 01:25:07,720 - You really are still hopeful? - No, no, I'm not 1934 01:25:07,769 --> 01:25:10,171 hopeful at all. He's totally bailed on the plan. 1935 01:25:10,270 --> 01:25:12,306 America, what you done to these Koreans? 1936 01:25:12,407 --> 01:25:14,409 This is a little embarrassing. 1937 01:25:14,509 --> 01:25:17,244 So when you think of all that your country has been through... 1938 01:25:17,345 --> 01:25:20,148 The wars, the floods... 1939 01:25:20,247 --> 01:25:22,683 do you think that your people should be rewarded 1940 01:25:22,783 --> 01:25:25,786 for their resilience and strength? 1941 01:25:25,886 --> 01:25:28,456 Of course, Dave. 1942 01:25:31,725 --> 01:25:33,561 Then why don't you feed them? 1943 01:25:38,533 --> 01:25:39,734 Hmm.. -Mm... 1944 01:25:41,435 --> 01:25:45,206 Uh... I... 1945 01:25:45,305 --> 01:25:47,207 Camera two. 1946 01:25:49,210 --> 01:25:50,912 I... beg your pardon? 1947 01:25:51,011 --> 01:25:53,280 Why don't you feed your people? 1948 01:25:53,381 --> 01:25:54,481 They are hungry. 1949 01:25:54,582 --> 01:25:56,551 Specifically, two-thirds of them? 1950 01:25:56,650 --> 01:25:58,920 Isn't that a little embarrassing, since you're 1951 01:25:59,020 --> 01:26:01,289 the one they view as a provider and a god? 1952 01:26:01,389 --> 01:26:04,359 And you spend $800 million on nukes every year? 1953 01:26:04,458 --> 01:26:05,926 And you have 16 million people 1954 01:26:06,027 --> 01:26:07,529 who are starving? 1955 01:26:13,533 --> 01:26:16,436 Are you sure you don't, uh... 1956 01:26:16,537 --> 01:26:19,173 mean to ask me about potato yields? 1957 01:26:19,274 --> 01:26:20,508 No, I want to know 1958 01:26:20,608 --> 01:26:22,177 about that other thing I just asked. 1959 01:26:22,277 --> 01:26:23,478 Okay, uh, well, uh... 1960 01:26:23,578 --> 01:26:26,314 Dave, as you have seen for yourself 1961 01:26:26,413 --> 01:26:29,184 we have a great bounty of food in North Korea. 1962 01:26:29,283 --> 01:26:31,219 What I saw for myself 1963 01:26:31,319 --> 01:26:34,589 was a fake grocery store 1964 01:26:34,689 --> 01:26:36,891 with a fake fat kid planted right in front of it. 1965 01:26:40,560 --> 01:26:42,796 Okay, uh, this is, uh... 1966 01:26:42,896 --> 01:26:44,731 an offensive line of questioning. 1967 01:26:44,832 --> 01:26:47,268 I don't think it's offensive. I think it's super important. 1968 01:26:47,368 --> 01:26:48,503 Obviously, if you don't want to answer these questions, 1969 01:26:48,603 --> 01:26:49,671 you can just get up and walk away. 1970 01:26:49,770 --> 01:26:51,738 I can't keep you from retreating. 1971 01:26:51,838 --> 01:26:53,507 - He's gonna go for the button. - He's not. He's sitting there. 1972 01:26:53,608 --> 01:26:55,476 - He's not moving. - He's going for the button. 1973 01:26:55,576 --> 01:26:57,612 He's going for the button, he's going for the button... 1974 01:26:57,712 --> 01:26:58,613 He's not. Oh, shit. He's making a move! 1975 01:26:58,712 --> 01:27:00,881 Don't move, homie! 1976 01:27:00,981 --> 01:27:02,781 Get your hand away from there! Get over there! 1977 01:27:02,783 --> 01:27:03,783 Over there! 1978 01:27:03,784 --> 01:27:04,885 Get over there! 1979 01:27:06,619 --> 01:27:07,654 I will cap you! 1980 01:27:07,755 --> 01:27:08,957 I'm exploding with energy. 1981 01:27:09,056 --> 01:27:10,591 I can't believe this is happening. 1982 01:27:10,692 --> 01:27:12,894 I feel so alive right now. This is so real. 1983 01:27:12,993 --> 01:27:15,429 He's got him. Nice! 1984 01:27:15,529 --> 01:27:16,849 - Dave! Dave... - I know you, Kim. 1985 01:27:24,805 --> 01:27:26,307 Dave... 1986 01:27:26,407 --> 01:27:28,443 perhaps the question you should ask is: 1987 01:27:28,542 --> 01:27:32,246 How have I managed to keep my country so well-nourished 1988 01:27:32,346 --> 01:27:35,315 despite the harsh and unjust economic sanctions 1989 01:27:35,416 --> 01:27:39,386 imposed on North Korea by the United States? 1990 01:27:39,487 --> 01:27:41,956 Sanctions? Uh... 1991 01:27:42,055 --> 01:27:43,790 Don't you know that the United States 1992 01:27:43,890 --> 01:27:46,960 has more incarcerated people per capita than North Korea? 1993 01:27:47,060 --> 01:27:48,929 - No. But... - So, perhaps, now, 1994 01:27:49,029 --> 01:27:50,731 you would like to return 1995 01:27:50,832 --> 01:27:54,335 to the civil discussion we had originally agreed upon. 1996 01:27:54,435 --> 01:27:56,471 Uh... 1997 01:27:56,570 --> 01:27:58,405 No! 1998 01:28:02,676 --> 01:28:04,612 Oh, shit! Go to camera one! 1999 01:28:08,881 --> 01:28:10,851 Camera three! Camera three! 2000 01:28:15,823 --> 01:28:17,892 Do not move, homie! 2001 01:28:26,466 --> 01:28:28,869 Give me something! Give me fucking something! 2002 01:28:28,970 --> 01:28:30,771 Okay... 2003 01:28:30,872 --> 01:28:32,707 Why?! 2004 01:28:32,806 --> 01:28:34,908 Fuck! Shit, that hurts! 2005 01:28:35,009 --> 01:28:37,511 We don't have concentration camps, Dave. 2006 01:28:37,612 --> 01:28:39,846 Have you seen one person mistreated 2007 01:28:39,947 --> 01:28:41,983 since your arrival here? 2008 01:28:45,618 --> 01:28:47,487 Oh, shit! Someone's coming. 2009 01:28:47,587 --> 01:28:48,755 Someone's coming. 2010 01:29:02,636 --> 01:29:04,372 Oh, fuck! Fuck! 2011 01:29:04,471 --> 01:29:07,375 Dave, unless you can show me a person, a photo 2012 01:29:07,475 --> 01:29:08,609 of widespread hunger... 2013 01:29:15,481 --> 01:29:16,481 Aaron! 2014 01:29:29,596 --> 01:29:31,498 Do not fuck with my angles! 2015 01:29:43,911 --> 01:29:46,047 Oh, shit! Oh, shit! 2016 01:29:47,146 --> 01:29:48,582 You're fucking up the angles! 2017 01:29:50,184 --> 01:29:51,386 Sit still! 2018 01:29:51,485 --> 01:29:53,520 Go wide, camera two! 2019 01:29:53,621 --> 01:29:55,523 Slow push! 2020 01:30:08,469 --> 01:30:10,538 Thank you! 2021 01:30:10,637 --> 01:30:12,606 Face it, Dave, you have failed. 2022 01:30:12,707 --> 01:30:16,110 You've made wild allegations but you have proven nothing. 2023 01:30:16,210 --> 01:30:17,811 You made this long journey 2024 01:30:17,912 --> 01:30:20,081 just to show the world that they were right about you. 2025 01:30:20,180 --> 01:30:24,117 You are incapable of conducting a real interview. 2026 01:30:24,217 --> 01:30:26,753 You're a joke! 2027 01:30:29,722 --> 01:30:31,692 Maybe you're right. 2028 01:30:31,792 --> 01:30:34,829 Yeah, it sucks. 2029 01:30:34,929 --> 01:30:37,030 Because I need people's approval. 2030 01:30:39,265 --> 01:30:40,734 Desperately. 2031 01:30:40,835 --> 01:30:42,103 Because I could never get it 2032 01:30:42,203 --> 01:30:44,572 from my father when I was a kid. 2033 01:30:51,912 --> 01:30:54,916 But I see a lot of the same thing in you, Kim. 2034 01:30:56,115 --> 01:30:57,717 Your father... 2035 01:30:57,818 --> 01:31:02,590 deprived you of life's simplest pleasures. 2036 01:31:03,756 --> 01:31:06,193 He told you that margaritas are gay. 2037 01:31:06,293 --> 01:31:10,163 I have no comment on margaritas. 2038 01:31:10,264 --> 01:31:11,865 Then why don't you drink them? 2039 01:31:11,966 --> 01:31:14,635 I... don't like brain freeze. 2040 01:31:15,836 --> 01:31:17,605 Fuck you, Dave. 2041 01:31:17,704 --> 01:31:20,675 You fucking asshole. 2042 01:31:20,774 --> 01:31:22,844 I just have one more question for you. 2043 01:31:24,744 --> 01:31:27,081 ♪ Do you ever feel ♪ 2044 01:31:27,180 --> 01:31:29,817 ♪ Like a plastic bag ♪ 2045 01:31:29,917 --> 01:31:31,886 ♪ Drifting through the wind ♪ 2046 01:31:31,985 --> 01:31:34,622 ♪ Wanting to start again? ♪ 2047 01:31:34,721 --> 01:31:36,157 What is that? 2048 01:31:36,256 --> 01:31:38,225 - I don't know what that is. - Oh, yes, you do. 2049 01:31:38,326 --> 01:31:40,927 No, I don't. I never heard that before in my life. 2050 01:31:41,028 --> 01:31:42,963 ♪ Do you ever feel ♪ 2051 01:31:43,064 --> 01:31:44,899 ♪ Feel so paper thin ♪ 2052 01:31:44,998 --> 01:31:47,068 ♪ Just like a house of cards ♪ 2053 01:31:48,336 --> 01:31:50,972 ♪ One blow from caving in? ♪ 2054 01:31:51,072 --> 01:31:52,640 I don't know 2055 01:31:52,739 --> 01:31:53,739 what you're singing. 2056 01:31:53,740 --> 01:31:55,076 You know exactly what it is. 2057 01:31:55,176 --> 01:31:57,645 - No, I don't. - You don't need to lie anymore. 2058 01:31:57,744 --> 01:32:00,113 Katy Perry's your favorite! 2059 01:32:00,213 --> 01:32:01,681 Katy who? 2060 01:32:01,782 --> 01:32:03,262 I don't know who you're talking about. 2061 01:32:03,350 --> 01:32:05,051 ♪ You just got to ignite ♪ 2062 01:32:05,152 --> 01:32:07,255 ♪ The light ♪ 2063 01:32:07,354 --> 01:32:09,956 ♪ And let ♪ 2064 01:32:10,056 --> 01:32:11,559 ♪ It shine ♪ 2065 01:32:11,658 --> 01:32:13,594 - Not the chorus, please. - ♪ And own ♪ 2066 01:32:13,694 --> 01:32:15,096 ♪ The night ♪ 2067 01:32:15,195 --> 01:32:17,832 - Stop! ♪ Like it's the Fourth of July ♪ 2068 01:32:17,931 --> 01:32:20,001 ♪ 'Cause, Kimmy ♪ 2069 01:32:20,100 --> 01:32:22,969 - Stop! - ♪ You're a firework ♪ 2070 01:32:23,069 --> 01:32:27,007 ♪ Go and show 'em what you're worth ♪ 2071 01:32:27,108 --> 01:32:28,242 ♪ And make 'em go ♪ 2072 01:32:28,341 --> 01:32:30,243 ♪ Oh, oh, oh ♪ 2073 01:32:30,344 --> 01:32:35,082 ♪ As you sail across the sky-y-y ♪ 2074 01:32:35,181 --> 01:32:38,085 ♪ Kimmy, you're a firework! ♪ 2075 01:32:38,185 --> 01:32:39,687 No! 2076 01:32:39,787 --> 01:32:41,722 I don't need my father! 2077 01:32:41,822 --> 01:32:44,592 I am strong! 2078 01:33:08,948 --> 01:33:09,948 Excuse me. 2079 01:33:10,016 --> 01:33:11,117 Did you just shart? 2080 01:33:11,217 --> 01:33:12,619 No, I didn't. 2081 01:33:12,720 --> 01:33:14,922 It was that camera guy. 2082 01:33:15,021 --> 01:33:16,122 It wasn't me. 2083 01:33:16,222 --> 01:33:17,222 Ladies and gentlemen, 2084 01:33:17,257 --> 01:33:19,159 Kim Jong-un has just pooed 2085 01:33:19,260 --> 01:33:20,293 in his pants. 2086 01:33:26,100 --> 01:33:28,069 Let's get the fuck out of here. 2087 01:33:28,168 --> 01:33:30,671 Yeah, let's go. 2088 01:34:10,744 --> 01:34:12,345 Damn, girl. 2089 01:34:12,445 --> 01:34:14,047 You a bad-ass. 2090 01:34:14,148 --> 01:34:16,083 I thought you were my friend, Dave. 2091 01:34:16,182 --> 01:34:19,119 I thought you were my friend, Kim. 2092 01:34:19,220 --> 01:34:21,789 I thought everyone lied about you. 2093 01:34:21,889 --> 01:34:23,990 And then I saw that fake grapefruit 2094 01:34:24,091 --> 01:34:26,060 in that fake grocery store, 2095 01:34:26,159 --> 01:34:29,130 and I realized that you were a fake friend. 2096 01:34:30,831 --> 01:34:32,932 And then you said you were gonna blow everybody up 2097 01:34:33,033 --> 01:34:35,202 just to show what a big guy you are? 2098 01:34:35,301 --> 01:34:36,703 No friend would blow up another friend's country. 2099 01:34:36,804 --> 01:34:39,239 You're just a flawed man 2100 01:34:39,340 --> 01:34:41,409 with a big old butthole. 2101 01:34:41,509 --> 01:34:43,743 And you pee and poo like the rest of us. 2102 01:34:53,520 --> 01:34:56,223 Well, tell me this, Dave. 2103 01:34:58,192 --> 01:34:59,827 Will you be so cocky 2104 01:34:59,926 --> 01:35:02,295 when I slay you in front of the whole world, 2105 01:35:02,395 --> 01:35:04,764 you Yankee motherfucker? 2106 01:35:04,864 --> 01:35:06,032 If you shoot me, 2107 01:35:06,132 --> 01:35:09,269 you'll just be proving me right. 2108 01:35:09,369 --> 01:35:10,738 You're just a sad little man. 2109 01:35:15,341 --> 01:35:17,744 Dave! Dave! No! 2110 01:35:22,283 --> 01:35:23,884 This is Dave Skylark 2111 01:35:23,984 --> 01:35:25,419 signing off. 2112 01:35:31,925 --> 01:35:33,927 Good-bye, Dave. 2113 01:35:43,036 --> 01:35:44,739 Oh, man. 2114 01:35:51,377 --> 01:35:53,079 Bulletproof vest. 2115 01:35:53,180 --> 01:35:54,882 Genius! 2116 01:35:56,449 --> 01:35:57,952 He's alive, everybody! 2117 01:35:58,051 --> 01:35:59,052 Oh, fuck! 2118 01:35:59,153 --> 01:36:00,887 Got a bulletproof vest on! 2119 01:36:00,988 --> 01:36:03,324 I don't know how he got it, but he's got it on! 2120 01:36:03,423 --> 01:36:05,792 Thank you for watching my interview with Kim Jong-un. 2121 01:36:05,893 --> 01:36:07,293 This is Dave Skylark 2122 01:36:07,394 --> 01:36:09,363 signing off. 2123 01:36:09,462 --> 01:36:11,164 No! 2124 01:36:11,265 --> 01:36:13,467 - Aaron! - Let's get the fuck out of here. 2125 01:36:13,567 --> 01:36:14,902 Wait! 2126 01:36:15,002 --> 01:36:16,103 The puppy. 2127 01:36:16,203 --> 01:36:18,172 Hey, what happened to your hand? 2128 01:36:18,271 --> 01:36:19,439 Someone bit my fucking fingers off. 2129 01:36:19,539 --> 01:36:20,841 That's just like Frodo! 2130 01:36:20,940 --> 01:36:23,109 Oh, shit! 2131 01:36:23,210 --> 01:36:24,478 Don't shoot! I have a puppy! 2132 01:36:40,027 --> 01:36:41,127 Go! 2133 01:36:45,231 --> 01:36:46,233 Oh, no! No! 2134 01:36:46,332 --> 01:36:47,412 - What is that?! - Oh, oh, no! 2135 01:36:47,467 --> 01:36:48,467 Oh, shit! 2136 01:36:48,502 --> 01:36:50,137 Oh, God! 2137 01:36:50,237 --> 01:36:51,372 Oh, no! 2138 01:36:51,471 --> 01:36:53,340 Oh, shit! Oh, shit! there's more! 2139 01:36:55,475 --> 01:36:56,543 You're a hero! 2140 01:36:56,644 --> 01:36:58,813 Thank you, sir! 2141 01:37:52,332 --> 01:37:54,268 That's the only way out. 2142 01:37:54,368 --> 01:37:55,269 Hey... 2143 01:37:55,368 --> 01:37:57,304 I have an idea. 2144 01:37:57,404 --> 01:37:58,439 Follow me. 2145 01:38:12,618 --> 01:38:15,488 Is this Katy fucking Perry?! 2146 01:38:15,588 --> 01:38:17,490 Just leave it on! It's helping me concentrate. 2147 01:38:31,104 --> 01:38:33,073 Oh, shit, are those fucking nukes? 2148 01:38:33,172 --> 01:38:34,240 Let me check! 2149 01:38:37,310 --> 01:38:38,510 Oh, we really fucked up! 2150 01:38:38,578 --> 01:38:40,980 He's arming his fucking nukes! 2151 01:38:46,552 --> 01:38:47,587 Aah! Fuck! 2152 01:38:58,530 --> 01:39:00,533 Skylark! 2153 01:39:05,404 --> 01:39:07,974 Kim! 2154 01:39:08,074 --> 01:39:09,676 Fuck you! 2155 01:39:11,277 --> 01:39:12,413 Fire! 2156 01:39:25,658 --> 01:39:27,427 I've been grazed! 2157 01:39:27,528 --> 01:39:29,262 - How's the puppy? - Puppy is okay! 2158 01:39:29,363 --> 01:39:31,131 You protect that puppy with your life. 2159 01:39:42,108 --> 01:39:43,143 We got to do something! 2160 01:39:43,243 --> 01:39:44,545 He's gonna fucking kill us! 2161 01:39:44,645 --> 01:39:45,546 We're in a tank! 2162 01:39:45,645 --> 01:39:46,646 Shoot him back. 2163 01:39:50,050 --> 01:39:51,552 It's loaded! 2164 01:39:51,652 --> 01:39:54,587 Let's barbeque this motherfucker. 2165 01:40:02,229 --> 01:40:03,229 On three. 2166 01:40:04,698 --> 01:40:06,166 Balls to the wall, motherfuckers! 2167 01:40:07,567 --> 01:40:09,168 Boom, boom... 2168 01:40:10,569 --> 01:40:11,704 Boom! 2169 01:41:37,689 --> 01:41:39,092 Yes! 2170 01:41:39,193 --> 01:41:41,595 Yes! Yes! 2171 01:41:41,694 --> 01:41:43,162 Yes! 2172 01:41:43,262 --> 01:41:45,832 - Okay. - Okay. 2173 01:41:45,932 --> 01:41:48,435 That way. 2174 01:41:48,534 --> 01:41:50,369 It's an old mining tunnel. 2175 01:41:50,470 --> 01:41:51,637 - Holy shit, where does that go? - West. 2176 01:41:51,738 --> 01:41:53,606 Away from Pyongyang. 2177 01:41:53,707 --> 01:41:55,309 Keep moving until you reach the coast. 2178 01:41:55,408 --> 01:41:57,210 I wish you both luck. 2179 01:41:57,310 --> 01:41:58,478 You sound like you're not coming with us. 2180 01:41:58,578 --> 01:41:59,479 - Yeah, Sook....? - What-what are you doing? 2181 01:41:59,579 --> 01:42:01,314 I have to go to Pyongyang. 2182 01:42:01,414 --> 01:42:02,783 That's going right back into the snake pit. 2183 01:42:02,882 --> 01:42:04,217 I can't leave North Korea. 2184 01:42:04,318 --> 01:42:06,119 I just helped plunge it into chaos. 2185 01:42:06,220 --> 01:42:07,721 - Yeah, yeah. -So did we. I'm okay with leaving. 2186 01:42:07,820 --> 01:42:09,389 I have to ensure that the power 2187 01:42:09,488 --> 01:42:10,928 does not transfer to the wrong hands. 2188 01:42:10,990 --> 01:42:12,592 I can't deny 2189 01:42:12,693 --> 01:42:14,494 that we have a chemistry, 2190 01:42:14,595 --> 01:42:17,197 but I have to stay here for my people. 2191 01:42:18,363 --> 01:42:19,732 Okay. 2192 01:42:19,832 --> 01:42:22,235 I'm glad to meet you. 2193 01:42:22,336 --> 01:42:23,637 Okay. 2194 01:42:23,737 --> 01:42:25,639 Kiss her. 2195 01:42:27,539 --> 01:42:29,342 Kiss her, dude. 2196 01:42:29,443 --> 01:42:30,878 Yeah, get in there. 2197 01:42:34,747 --> 01:42:36,482 Ooh... 2198 01:42:40,386 --> 01:42:43,556 I'm happy to have met you, Aaron. 2199 01:42:43,657 --> 01:42:45,559 You, too. 2200 01:42:46,693 --> 01:42:48,162 Bye, Sook. 2201 01:42:48,261 --> 01:42:50,163 Have fun with the war. 2202 01:43:12,284 --> 01:43:14,188 - All right, it's clear. - Okay. 2203 01:43:16,788 --> 01:43:17,858 Okay, here you go. 2204 01:43:17,957 --> 01:43:19,458 - You got him? - All right... got him. 2205 01:43:19,559 --> 01:43:20,694 Yeah. 2206 01:43:20,793 --> 01:43:22,729 You out of that big, old, scary hole? 2207 01:43:25,364 --> 01:43:27,300 Where are we? 2208 01:43:27,400 --> 01:43:28,734 I don't know. 2209 01:43:28,835 --> 01:43:30,270 Is this China? 2210 01:43:30,369 --> 01:43:31,671 I don't know. Looks like North Korea. 2211 01:43:31,771 --> 01:43:32,838 Yeah. 2212 01:43:32,939 --> 01:43:34,474 Man. 2213 01:43:34,573 --> 01:43:36,373 - Well, which way's the coast? - I have no idea. 2214 01:43:36,376 --> 01:43:37,711 Does that do something? 2215 01:43:37,810 --> 01:43:39,412 Dogs always run to the sea. 2216 01:43:39,512 --> 01:43:41,681 - That's not true. - You got to find the sea. 2217 01:43:41,782 --> 01:43:43,342 I don't think that's gonna happen, Dave. 2218 01:43:43,417 --> 01:43:44,851 Shit. 2219 01:43:44,951 --> 01:43:46,987 - Shit! Shit! Shit! - Protect the puppy! 2220 01:43:47,087 --> 01:43:49,556 - Protect the puppy! - Stop! It's them. 2221 01:43:51,556 --> 01:43:52,826 Echo Romeo Five. 2222 01:43:52,926 --> 01:43:54,895 Echo Romeo Five, we have contact 2223 01:43:54,994 --> 01:43:56,762 with Dung Beetle and Aardvark. 2224 01:43:56,863 --> 01:43:58,999 Aaron, Dave, I'm Captain Sung, 2225 01:43:59,099 --> 01:44:01,001 - SEAL Team Six. - Holy shit. 2226 01:44:01,100 --> 01:44:02,368 How'd you guys find us? 2227 01:44:02,469 --> 01:44:03,604 We tracked you using the GPS 2228 01:44:03,703 --> 01:44:04,737 - on your wristwatch. - Oh, my God. 2229 01:44:04,837 --> 01:44:05,905 Let's get you boys home. 2230 01:44:06,006 --> 01:44:07,341 Oh, my God. 2231 01:44:07,440 --> 01:44:08,507 For you. 2232 01:44:08,608 --> 01:44:09,909 Me? 2233 01:44:10,010 --> 01:44:11,345 Is it the president? 2234 01:44:11,444 --> 01:44:12,746 Mr. Obama? 2235 01:44:12,845 --> 01:44:14,714 Nope, just me, Agent Lacey. 2236 01:44:14,814 --> 01:44:16,515 Agent Lacey. 2237 01:44:16,615 --> 01:44:17,884 Fancy hearing from you here. 2238 01:44:17,984 --> 01:44:20,454 I enjoyed your interview, guys. 2239 01:44:20,554 --> 01:44:23,023 Now try not to fuck up your extraction. 2240 01:44:23,122 --> 01:44:25,024 Get home safe. 2241 01:44:25,125 --> 01:44:28,362 Guess who's going to America where they don't eat doggies? 2242 01:44:28,462 --> 01:44:30,364 - And you get all the good stuff, - Okay, let's just go. 2243 01:44:30,463 --> 01:44:32,744 - and it's nice. -Let's get out... Can we please go? Okay. 2244 01:44:43,676 --> 01:44:44,811 Get them in. 2245 01:44:46,378 --> 01:44:47,747 Take the dog. 2246 01:45:11,904 --> 01:45:13,407 She honeypotted me. 2247 01:45:13,506 --> 01:45:14,974 What? What are you talking about? 2248 01:45:15,074 --> 01:45:16,309 Sook. 2249 01:45:16,409 --> 01:45:17,677 Think about it, man. 2250 01:45:17,778 --> 01:45:20,380 I mean, she researched me, she seduced me, 2251 01:45:20,479 --> 01:45:22,715 she commandeered my plans, made them her own. 2252 01:45:22,815 --> 01:45:24,451 I mean, she used me. 2253 01:45:24,551 --> 01:45:27,988 I'll admit it was for, like, a really good fucking cause, 2254 01:45:28,087 --> 01:45:29,956 but she honeypotted me. 2255 01:45:30,055 --> 01:45:31,390 Yeah. 2256 01:45:31,490 --> 01:45:32,525 Well, good riddance. 2257 01:45:32,626 --> 01:45:33,960 I hated that fucking bitch. 2258 01:45:34,060 --> 01:45:35,062 Really? 2259 01:45:36,595 --> 01:45:39,598 Nah, just thought it would make you feel better. 2260 01:45:39,698 --> 01:45:41,600 That was your one true love. 2261 01:45:41,701 --> 01:45:43,603 Now she's gone. 2262 01:45:43,703 --> 01:45:46,707 Doesn't make me feel any better. 2263 01:45:46,806 --> 01:45:49,009 Well, you have us, 2264 01:45:49,109 --> 01:45:51,011 and "we wuv you." 2265 01:45:55,014 --> 01:45:57,617 "We aw wuv each other." 2266 01:46:06,225 --> 01:46:08,561 "And as the North Korean coastline 2267 01:46:08,662 --> 01:46:10,463 "receded in the distance, 2268 01:46:10,564 --> 01:46:13,900 "we heard the crackling of gunfire. 2269 01:46:14,000 --> 01:46:17,738 "It was the beginning of a revolution... 2270 01:46:17,837 --> 01:46:22,041 "a revolution Aaron and I started. 2271 01:46:22,141 --> 01:46:25,378 "Of course, in a tale like this, 2272 01:46:25,479 --> 01:46:27,748 "you might expect to find 2273 01:46:27,847 --> 01:46:30,649 "some hot CIA 2274 01:46:30,750 --> 01:46:32,152 "honeypot 2275 01:46:32,252 --> 01:46:34,788 bombshell..." 2276 01:46:42,060 --> 01:46:43,662 "...maybe a few drones 2277 01:46:43,762 --> 01:46:46,899 or a secret CIA watch." 2278 01:46:47,000 --> 01:46:48,402 You got Skype! 2279 01:46:48,502 --> 01:46:49,503 So good to see your face. 2280 01:46:49,603 --> 01:46:51,037 Wait, someone else wants to say hi. 2281 01:46:52,506 --> 01:46:53,539 Guess what we named him? 2282 01:46:53,640 --> 01:46:54,908 Kim Jong-un. 2283 01:46:55,007 --> 01:46:56,742 Aaron, that's a little fucked up, no? 2284 01:46:56,842 --> 01:46:58,912 Oh, it's super fucked up, but he's cute, though. 2285 01:46:59,011 --> 01:47:01,414 "But there was none of that. 2286 01:47:01,515 --> 01:47:02,749 "No. 2287 01:47:02,849 --> 01:47:04,918 "This was a revolution 2288 01:47:05,018 --> 01:47:07,686 "ignited with nothing more 2289 01:47:07,787 --> 01:47:09,423 "than a camera 2290 01:47:09,523 --> 01:47:11,056 "and some questions. 2291 01:47:11,157 --> 01:47:13,960 "Questions that led a man 2292 01:47:14,060 --> 01:47:15,629 "once revered as a god 2293 01:47:15,729 --> 01:47:18,698 "among mortals to cry 2294 01:47:18,797 --> 01:47:20,966 "and shit his pants. 2295 01:47:21,067 --> 01:47:24,837 The end." 2296 01:47:24,938 --> 01:47:25,938 Thank you. 2296 01:47:26,305 --> 01:47:32,407 Support us and become VIP member to remove all ads from www.OpenSubtitles.org