1 00:01:24,375 --> 00:01:26,168 WALLY: Look at us. 2 00:01:27,045 --> 00:01:29,046 Running around, 3 00:01:29,214 --> 00:01:33,675 always rushed, always late. 4 00:01:35,637 --> 00:01:38,263 I guess that's why they call it the human race. 5 00:01:39,099 --> 00:01:42,643 What we crave most in this world is connection. 6 00:01:43,061 --> 00:01:45,938 And for some people, it happens at first sight. 7 00:01:46,106 --> 00:01:48,190 It's when you know, you know. 8 00:01:49,192 --> 00:01:51,485 It's fate working its magic. 9 00:01:53,863 --> 00:01:56,156 And that's great for them. 10 00:01:56,658 --> 00:01:58,951 They get to live in a pop song. 11 00:01:59,828 --> 00:02:01,411 Ride the express train. 12 00:02:03,748 --> 00:02:06,708 But that's not the way it really works. 13 00:02:12,257 --> 00:02:15,300 For the rest of us, it's a bit less romantic. 14 00:02:16,511 --> 00:02:18,720 It's complicated and it's messy. 15 00:02:18,888 --> 00:02:22,724 It's about horrible timing and fumbled opportunities 16 00:02:22,892 --> 00:02:27,479 and not being able to say what you need to say 17 00:02:27,647 --> 00:02:29,815 when you need to say it. 18 00:02:30,859 --> 00:02:33,527 At least, that's the way it was for me. 19 00:02:34,696 --> 00:02:39,283 MAN: Taxi. Taxi driver. Taxi, taxi, taxi, taxi. 20 00:02:39,450 --> 00:02:47,833 Fat, pedaling, hooker-looking bitch. Fat, pedaling, hooker-looking bitch. 21 00:02:48,001 --> 00:02:50,002 Fat, pedaling... Fat, pedaling, hooker-looking bitch. 22 00:02:50,170 --> 00:02:53,505 Pig-faced... Pig-faced, gimpy, limping mama. 23 00:02:53,673 --> 00:02:55,424 Pig-faced, gimpy, limping mama. 24 00:02:55,967 --> 00:03:00,137 Pig-faced, gimpy, limping mama. Pig-faced, gimpy, limping mama. 25 00:03:00,305 --> 00:03:03,765 I got a pig-faced... Pig-faced, gimpy, limping mama. 26 00:03:03,933 --> 00:03:07,394 I've got a pig-faced, gimpy, limping mama limping on by. 27 00:03:07,562 --> 00:03:10,272 Pig-faced... I've got a pig-faced... 28 00:03:10,440 --> 00:03:12,983 Man-boy. Little man-boy. Beady-eyed little man-boy. 29 00:03:13,151 --> 00:03:15,819 Beady-eyed little... Beady-eyed little man-boy. 30 00:03:15,987 --> 00:03:18,989 I see a beady-eyed little man-boy. 31 00:03:19,157 --> 00:03:21,450 Beady-eyed... Beady-eyed little man-boy. 32 00:03:21,618 --> 00:03:25,412 I see a beady-eyed... Beady-eyed little man-boy looking at me. 33 00:03:25,580 --> 00:03:28,749 I got a beady-eyed little man-boy. Beady-eyed little man-boy. 34 00:03:28,917 --> 00:03:31,210 Beady-eyed little man-boy looking at me. 35 00:03:33,129 --> 00:03:36,173 WOMAN 1: I'm sorry about that. You did say that was true. 36 00:03:43,765 --> 00:03:45,307 WOMAN 2: Sorry. 37 00:03:48,353 --> 00:03:49,394 [SIGHS] 38 00:03:55,610 --> 00:03:57,986 You are not a beady-eyed little man-child. 39 00:03:58,154 --> 00:04:00,364 "Boy," he distinctly said, okay? And that's worse. 40 00:04:00,531 --> 00:04:03,450 And I am, I'm like a... I'm a beady-eyed-looking little man-boy 41 00:04:03,618 --> 00:04:05,202 that shouldn't be wearing sweater vests. 42 00:04:05,370 --> 00:04:07,329 He was mentally ill, standing on a street corner. 43 00:04:07,497 --> 00:04:09,665 Kassie, exactly. He had no reason to be polite, okay? 44 00:04:09,832 --> 00:04:12,459 It was like a Tourette's-style truth-serum affliction this guy had, 45 00:04:12,627 --> 00:04:14,127 and I was caught in the cross hairs. 46 00:04:14,295 --> 00:04:16,296 - I can't believe this stuff bothers you. - It does. 47 00:04:16,464 --> 00:04:18,757 Now, I have some big news. I wanna show you something. 48 00:04:18,925 --> 00:04:20,842 First I wanna show you something. Check this out. 49 00:04:21,010 --> 00:04:22,594 - Look at that. - What? What is that? 50 00:04:23,137 --> 00:04:25,222 I seem to have a growth. 51 00:04:25,390 --> 00:04:27,849 Oh, my God, is that your scrotum? 52 00:04:28,017 --> 00:04:31,103 - It's not a sunset. - Ugh. You're exhausting. 53 00:04:31,271 --> 00:04:33,438 My health exhausts you? 54 00:04:33,606 --> 00:04:36,400 - Fine, we'll deal with my death later. - My turn. 55 00:04:36,567 --> 00:04:37,609 - See this? - Yeah. 56 00:04:37,777 --> 00:04:40,654 That's the dollar in yen. I bought in a week ago. 57 00:04:40,822 --> 00:04:44,408 - Good for you. Now look at it like this. - Yeah, sideways. 58 00:04:44,575 --> 00:04:47,536 If someone you knew owned this stock what advice would you give them? 59 00:04:47,996 --> 00:04:50,998 I don't know, Kassie. I gotta look at fundamentals, you know, P/E ratios. 60 00:04:51,165 --> 00:04:53,959 - Simple, simple. Hold or sell? - You gotta sell that, it's going down. 61 00:04:54,127 --> 00:04:55,210 Exactly. 62 00:04:55,378 --> 00:04:58,380 This, Wally, this is what a woman's fertility looks like after a certain age. 63 00:04:58,548 --> 00:04:59,589 So? 64 00:04:59,757 --> 00:05:02,050 So I would like you to be the first to know 65 00:05:02,719 --> 00:05:03,927 I'm having a baby. 66 00:05:05,388 --> 00:05:09,683 - You're pregnant? - No, not yet. But I'm working on it. 67 00:05:09,851 --> 00:05:13,395 Went to the doctor, she said all my levels were really great, considering. 68 00:05:13,563 --> 00:05:17,566 And, uh, she said that my cervical mucus is gorgeous, by the way. 69 00:05:17,734 --> 00:05:19,234 - Thanks for that. - And, uh... 70 00:05:19,402 --> 00:05:21,486 Then she started giving me this lecture about my age, 71 00:05:21,654 --> 00:05:24,156 and I was really starting to hear her about timing and why wait? 72 00:05:24,324 --> 00:05:25,365 [WALLY MOANING] 73 00:05:25,533 --> 00:05:28,035 And, you know, I started... 74 00:05:28,202 --> 00:05:30,579 Would you please stop having sex with food? 75 00:05:31,372 --> 00:05:33,123 Sorry, you know I don't know when I do it. 76 00:05:33,291 --> 00:05:35,375 And then I thought to myself, "I can do this." 77 00:05:35,543 --> 00:05:38,420 I've got a, you know, killer new job at the network, 78 00:05:38,588 --> 00:05:40,213 and I don't need a man to have a baby. 79 00:05:40,381 --> 00:05:42,674 Technically speaking, you do. Where's all this coming from? 80 00:05:42,842 --> 00:05:43,884 Is this about Paul? 81 00:05:44,052 --> 00:05:47,929 Why don't you chalk it up as another of your disastrous flameouts and move on? 82 00:05:48,097 --> 00:05:49,973 This has absolutely nothing to do with Paul. 83 00:05:50,141 --> 00:05:52,267 - I think it does. - And thank you for bringing it up. 84 00:05:52,435 --> 00:05:54,436 All I'm saying is don't kick that can down the road. 85 00:05:54,604 --> 00:05:57,689 You need to look at your relationships instead of biting off the next step. 86 00:05:57,857 --> 00:05:59,566 - Deal with the one before. - You know what? 87 00:05:59,734 --> 00:06:02,778 I'm just tired of thinking about how this is supposed to go, all right? 88 00:06:02,945 --> 00:06:04,529 I'm just ready to do it now. 89 00:06:04,697 --> 00:06:06,656 - Really? - Life is in session. 90 00:06:07,658 --> 00:06:09,743 - Is that from an infomercial? - No. 91 00:06:09,911 --> 00:06:10,952 - Really? - Yes. 92 00:06:11,120 --> 00:06:12,287 - Did you buy the DVD? - One. 93 00:06:12,455 --> 00:06:15,248 But it really was something that resonated with me. 94 00:06:15,416 --> 00:06:18,251 Wally, I don't... You know what? I'm gonna do this. 95 00:06:18,419 --> 00:06:24,132 I want to have a kid, and I am in the market for some... 96 00:06:24,300 --> 00:06:25,967 ...semen. 97 00:06:26,511 --> 00:06:27,969 And... 98 00:06:30,306 --> 00:06:31,390 And? 99 00:06:34,310 --> 00:06:37,020 I need you to help me find some. 100 00:06:42,944 --> 00:06:44,861 So, what, are you gonna, like, use a service? 101 00:06:45,029 --> 00:06:47,280 You gonna read résumés? You know, all that stuff is crap. 102 00:06:47,448 --> 00:06:48,824 I heard about this woman in Queens, 103 00:06:48,991 --> 00:06:51,410 she thought she was buying the sperm of an Ivy League athlete, 104 00:06:51,577 --> 00:06:53,078 turned out it came from a homeless guy. 105 00:06:53,246 --> 00:06:54,871 Oh, you did not hear that. 106 00:06:55,331 --> 00:06:57,499 Kid turned out homeless. She tried to sue and she lost. 107 00:06:57,667 --> 00:06:59,709 KASSIE: You just made all of that up. 108 00:06:59,877 --> 00:07:01,837 - Did I? - Why are you even on this train? 109 00:07:02,004 --> 00:07:04,673 Because we're not nearly done talking about this. 110 00:07:04,841 --> 00:07:06,425 Wally, you're a vortex. 111 00:07:06,592 --> 00:07:09,845 I have four interviews this week, one of which I'm prepared for, okay? 112 00:07:10,012 --> 00:07:13,098 Listen. Now, what's wrong with my sperm, by the way? 113 00:07:16,352 --> 00:07:18,895 - With your sperm? - It works. 114 00:07:19,063 --> 00:07:20,730 Nothing. 115 00:07:21,524 --> 00:07:24,484 - I'm sure you have killer sperm. - You're damn right. 116 00:07:24,652 --> 00:07:27,737 But, you know, we're best friends. Isn't that weird? That'd be weird. 117 00:07:27,905 --> 00:07:29,614 - It is weird, you're right. - That's weird. 118 00:07:29,782 --> 00:07:31,825 - You know what else? How do I put this? - Careful. 119 00:07:31,993 --> 00:07:34,536 - You're a little neurotic, you know? - I see. 120 00:07:34,704 --> 00:07:37,164 - Little self-absorbed and pessimistic. - I got it. 121 00:07:37,331 --> 00:07:39,374 And I'm not pessimistic, sorry, I'm a realist. 122 00:07:39,542 --> 00:07:41,418 - Big difference. - Wally, this is not about you. 123 00:07:41,586 --> 00:07:43,462 And whether you can deal with this or not... 124 00:07:43,629 --> 00:07:45,213 - Excuse me. WALLY: Please don't say it. 125 00:07:45,381 --> 00:07:47,507 - Life's in session. 126 00:07:50,761 --> 00:07:53,638 LEONARD: She wouldn't know good sperm if it slapped her in the face. Ugh. 127 00:07:53,806 --> 00:07:55,390 What does she take you for, a eunuch? 128 00:07:55,558 --> 00:07:57,684 - You're jealous. It's perfectly normal. - No, I'm not. 129 00:07:57,852 --> 00:08:00,353 This is bigtime primal stuff you're dealing with, jungle stuff, 130 00:08:00,521 --> 00:08:01,980 and you have every right to be upset. 131 00:08:02,148 --> 00:08:04,733 She put you in the friend zone six years ago, brother. 132 00:08:04,901 --> 00:08:06,359 That's a cold and inhospitable place 133 00:08:06,527 --> 00:08:08,236 where your manhood is an endangered species. 134 00:08:08,404 --> 00:08:11,156 And now we're talking about your seed getting devalued by her. 135 00:08:11,324 --> 00:08:14,242 Hey, so that we're clear, she did not put me in the friend zone. 136 00:08:14,410 --> 00:08:16,411 We put each other in the friend zone. It was mutual. 137 00:08:16,579 --> 00:08:17,787 Let's be honest with ourselves. 138 00:08:17,955 --> 00:08:19,289 You had your window with Kassie, 139 00:08:19,457 --> 00:08:21,458 and you went all Wally on her and you doomed it. 140 00:08:21,626 --> 00:08:23,960 I went what? Hey, what is that even supposed to mean? 141 00:08:24,128 --> 00:08:26,546 You shared too much too soon. Quickest way to kill a romance. 142 00:08:26,714 --> 00:08:28,924 You gotta hide the crazy at least through the appetizers. 143 00:08:29,091 --> 00:08:30,759 I see. So just so that I'm clear, 144 00:08:30,927 --> 00:08:33,428 which one of your three failed marriages taught you that lesson? 145 00:08:33,596 --> 00:08:35,347 All three, in their special and various ways. 146 00:08:35,515 --> 00:08:38,725 Exactly, so, okay, I appreciate the kind advice, but I'm fine. 147 00:08:38,893 --> 00:08:39,935 - Are you? Are you? - Yeah. 148 00:08:40,102 --> 00:08:43,271 Because I still don't know why the hell you e-mailed me a picture of your armpit. 149 00:08:43,439 --> 00:08:46,608 I told you that I thought I had a growth. And was it an armpit? 150 00:08:46,776 --> 00:08:48,860 Oh, golly, I hope so. 151 00:08:49,028 --> 00:08:51,112 [BELL RINGING] 152 00:08:51,280 --> 00:08:52,781 [CHATTERING] 153 00:08:52,949 --> 00:08:55,909 MAN: She's really ambitious, huh? WOMAN: I didn't think she was interested. 154 00:08:56,077 --> 00:08:58,537 Please tell me you didn't invite Wally. 155 00:08:58,704 --> 00:09:02,541 - Of course I did. - Is he bringing that Internet girl? 156 00:09:02,708 --> 00:09:04,918 - No, she broke up with him. DEBBIE: Shocker. 157 00:09:05,086 --> 00:09:08,380 Do you know I've had orgasms that last longer than his relationships? 158 00:09:08,548 --> 00:09:11,007 Would you stop? Sorry. 159 00:09:11,425 --> 00:09:13,969 Okay, here are your talking points, minister. 160 00:09:14,136 --> 00:09:17,305 Listen, I know that Wally can be a bit blunt, 161 00:09:17,473 --> 00:09:20,100 but at least he tells it like it is, you know what I mean? 162 00:09:20,268 --> 00:09:23,478 It's like when things get too intimate, he gets... He walls up. 163 00:09:23,646 --> 00:09:27,983 But nobody... There's nobody I trust more. I mean, he always has my back. 164 00:09:28,150 --> 00:09:29,359 DEBBIE: Yeah, I get it, Kass. 165 00:09:29,527 --> 00:09:33,154 He's your BFF, he's a really good guy. Totally undatable. 166 00:09:33,322 --> 00:09:36,324 KASSIE: Nobody is totally undatable. Come on. 167 00:09:36,492 --> 00:09:39,703 I mean, there's gotta be somebody out there for him. 168 00:09:39,870 --> 00:09:41,037 [BELL RINGS] 169 00:09:41,664 --> 00:09:43,290 Done. 170 00:09:44,166 --> 00:09:46,668 DIRECTOR: Places. - I hope this party doesn't suck. 171 00:09:46,836 --> 00:09:48,169 [KASSIE CHUCKLES] 172 00:09:49,213 --> 00:09:50,338 KASSIE: Yup. WALLY: All right. 173 00:09:50,506 --> 00:09:52,716 - You should have gotten Debbie a gift. - Oh, come on. 174 00:09:52,883 --> 00:09:55,010 It's her 30th birthday. She's really vulnerable. 175 00:09:55,177 --> 00:09:57,887 Pretending it's actually her 30th is gonna be my gift to that old bag. 176 00:09:58,055 --> 00:09:59,097 [KASSIE CHUCKLES] 177 00:09:59,265 --> 00:10:00,390 Hey, so here's where I'm at. 178 00:10:00,558 --> 00:10:02,976 So I want a donor that I can meet, you know? 179 00:10:03,144 --> 00:10:04,811 I want someone whose eyes I can look into. 180 00:10:04,979 --> 00:10:07,188 I wanna be able to, you know, shake his hand. 181 00:10:07,356 --> 00:10:09,858 And you can't do that at a sperm bank, right? 182 00:10:10,026 --> 00:10:13,528 I also want it fresh, you know? I don't really... I don't think I want it frozen. 183 00:10:13,696 --> 00:10:16,323 - Who wants frozen? - Frozen's so refreshing, though. 184 00:10:17,283 --> 00:10:19,409 What kind of qualities would you be shopping for? 185 00:10:19,577 --> 00:10:22,954 Uh, sense of humor is most important. 186 00:10:23,873 --> 00:10:27,000 Why do women always say that sense of humor is always the most important thing? 187 00:10:27,168 --> 00:10:28,668 We all know that that's a lie. 188 00:10:29,545 --> 00:10:33,381 - Okay, so then height. - No. 189 00:10:33,549 --> 00:10:37,427 But, you know, funny height. Funny height. 190 00:10:37,595 --> 00:10:39,721 [DAN HARTMAN'S "INSTANT REPLAY" PLAYING ON STEREO] 191 00:10:39,889 --> 00:10:41,765 [LAUGHTER AND CHATTERING] 192 00:10:51,984 --> 00:10:54,486 DEBBIE: Come on, Wally Mars, aren't you gonna dance with me? 193 00:10:54,654 --> 00:10:57,280 No, I'm not, birthday girl. 194 00:10:57,448 --> 00:11:01,117 - I'm not really feeling it tonight, you know? - You are such a buzzkill. 195 00:11:01,535 --> 00:11:02,744 I don't wanna break your flow. 196 00:11:02,912 --> 00:11:04,996 You were doing a great job of killing it over there. 197 00:11:05,164 --> 00:11:08,333 You dressed up for my party. That's so nice. 198 00:11:08,501 --> 00:11:10,293 - You're welcome. - Stripes. 199 00:11:10,461 --> 00:11:12,253 [DEBBIE CHUCKLES] 200 00:11:12,421 --> 00:11:14,923 Okay, who's dancing with me? 201 00:11:15,966 --> 00:11:17,634 Just perfect. Ha, ha. 202 00:11:19,553 --> 00:11:22,305 Sounds good. It's a funny horror film? 203 00:11:22,473 --> 00:11:24,933 DECLAN: Well, it's a horror film meets, uh... 204 00:11:25,101 --> 00:11:28,520 Well, they haven't really made an honest kickboxing film yet. 205 00:11:29,230 --> 00:11:30,522 That's so true. 206 00:11:30,690 --> 00:11:33,775 I hadn't thought about that, but you're absolutely right. 207 00:11:33,943 --> 00:11:36,986 - That's... - Hi. I'm bored. Let's get a kebab. 208 00:11:37,154 --> 00:11:41,783 Wally, this is Declan. He's a, uh, writer-slash-director. 209 00:11:41,951 --> 00:11:43,785 - Hey, double threat. - Hey, Wally. 210 00:11:43,953 --> 00:11:46,204 KASSIE: This is one of my oldest friends. - That's right. 211 00:11:46,372 --> 00:11:48,540 - He's an equities analyst. Ha, ha. - Analyst. 212 00:11:48,708 --> 00:11:50,709 - Seriously, come with me. - I think I'm gonna stay. 213 00:11:50,876 --> 00:11:51,918 - I don't think so. - What? 214 00:11:52,086 --> 00:11:54,963 Hey, Wally, you, uh, got any great stock tips for me? 215 00:11:55,131 --> 00:11:57,799 Oh, Declan, they're all, you know, they're all going straight up. 216 00:11:57,967 --> 00:12:00,468 You want some free advice? Go on margin, go strong, go long. 217 00:12:00,636 --> 00:12:01,970 - Let's do it. - Go strong, go long? 218 00:12:02,138 --> 00:12:03,179 - That's right. - Really? 219 00:12:03,347 --> 00:12:04,848 - Yup. - You always tell me to get out. 220 00:12:05,015 --> 00:12:07,809 - Changed my mind. Let's go, one second. - Short and fast. 221 00:12:08,394 --> 00:12:10,311 Oh, boy, you see that? You just got finger-gunned. 222 00:12:10,479 --> 00:12:12,313 I heard it. 223 00:12:12,648 --> 00:12:16,401 - Come on. Please? - Oh, God, what? 224 00:12:16,569 --> 00:12:19,279 - He's married. - Divorced. 225 00:12:19,447 --> 00:12:21,531 - Then he's lying. - How do you know that? 226 00:12:21,699 --> 00:12:23,992 There's a tan line on his finger where his ring should be. 227 00:12:24,160 --> 00:12:25,160 What? 228 00:12:25,327 --> 00:12:27,328 You're not thinking of this guy as a donor, are you? 229 00:12:27,496 --> 00:12:30,832 You know what? I don't know. I don't know. I still might do it. 230 00:12:31,000 --> 00:12:33,793 What are you talking about? Wait a sec, are you out of your mind? 231 00:12:33,961 --> 00:12:36,296 You're gonna let Captain Douche be the father of your child? 232 00:12:36,464 --> 00:12:38,465 - That just locks it up for you? - I don't know yet. 233 00:12:38,632 --> 00:12:39,924 All right. 234 00:12:41,343 --> 00:12:44,596 - I'll tell you what, you're on your own. - Oh, yeah, okay. 235 00:12:48,017 --> 00:12:49,559 [SIGHS] 236 00:12:53,522 --> 00:12:55,190 Okay. 237 00:12:58,986 --> 00:13:00,737 Wally. 238 00:13:01,530 --> 00:13:03,782 Wally. Wally! 239 00:13:03,949 --> 00:13:05,700 [NU SHOOZ'S "I CAN'T WAIT" PLAYING ON STEREO] 240 00:13:05,868 --> 00:13:06,868 Wally! 241 00:13:07,036 --> 00:13:08,787 [MUSIC VOLUME INCREASES] 242 00:13:10,498 --> 00:13:12,749 Declan, Declan, hey. 243 00:13:12,917 --> 00:13:14,542 Kassie left. 244 00:13:14,710 --> 00:13:16,711 - What? - Yeah, Kassie had to go. 245 00:13:16,879 --> 00:13:18,046 Where? 246 00:13:18,214 --> 00:13:20,048 She had to go to her dealer's house, okay? 247 00:13:20,216 --> 00:13:22,717 This guy's a little bit of a paranoid, so she went by herself. 248 00:13:22,885 --> 00:13:24,385 She's gone to go pick up some drugs. 249 00:13:24,553 --> 00:13:27,764 Some ecstasy, bro, and some Viagra, all right? 250 00:13:27,932 --> 00:13:29,891 And she digs you. 251 00:13:30,059 --> 00:13:32,811 - Ha, ha. She digs me. - You bet your ass she digs you. It's on. 252 00:13:32,978 --> 00:13:35,939 It's on like "Donkey Kong," is actually what she wanted me to say to you. 253 00:13:36,106 --> 00:13:39,567 Now, this is the address of the love shack, and you gotta go right now. 254 00:13:39,735 --> 00:13:43,863 Go, seriously. Establish a safe word too, okay? 255 00:13:45,741 --> 00:13:48,326 Wally! Come on. 256 00:13:48,702 --> 00:13:51,412 I cannot... You sent him to Washington Heights? 257 00:13:51,580 --> 00:13:53,540 Yeah, Harlem's too gentrified. I had to go higher. 258 00:13:53,707 --> 00:13:56,584 Wasn't even gonna go through with it. It was just an idea. 259 00:13:56,752 --> 00:13:59,087 You know, I wanted to let it breathe. 260 00:13:59,255 --> 00:14:01,506 God, what's wrong...? Why have you been so weird lately? 261 00:14:01,674 --> 00:14:03,049 - I haven't. - Yeah, you have. 262 00:14:03,217 --> 00:14:05,343 - I don't think you should do it, you know. - What? 263 00:14:05,511 --> 00:14:07,262 - The whole baby thing, all right? - Stop it. 264 00:14:07,429 --> 00:14:09,514 - It's not right, it's not natural. - Wally, stop. 265 00:14:09,682 --> 00:14:12,892 What if you meet someone tomorrow, all right? 266 00:14:13,060 --> 00:14:14,185 Or like six months from now. 267 00:14:14,353 --> 00:14:17,939 You guys fall in love, and by the time you realize it, it's too late. 268 00:14:18,107 --> 00:14:20,275 Why is this so hard for you to accept? 269 00:14:20,818 --> 00:14:22,277 Look, I'm not going to wait around 270 00:14:22,444 --> 00:14:25,280 for some version of this that might never happen, okay? 271 00:14:25,447 --> 00:14:27,115 Look, this wasn't my plan either. 272 00:14:27,283 --> 00:14:29,242 I didn't grow up in Minnesota dreaming of the day 273 00:14:29,410 --> 00:14:32,912 that I was gonna put an ad out for a sperm donor on Craigslist. 274 00:14:33,080 --> 00:14:36,207 But I'm here and it's happening and it's scary, and I can't count on you? 275 00:14:36,375 --> 00:14:40,420 I can't ask for your support without you just spewing out constant judgments? 276 00:14:40,921 --> 00:14:42,755 You're supposed to be my friend. 277 00:14:42,923 --> 00:14:45,466 Well, yeah. 278 00:14:52,683 --> 00:14:55,310 I think we should take some time. 279 00:14:55,477 --> 00:14:57,312 I think we need a timeout. 280 00:14:58,480 --> 00:15:00,315 Already learning how to speak Mommy, huh? 281 00:15:03,944 --> 00:15:06,571 Wow. Taxi. 282 00:15:08,032 --> 00:15:09,407 See you later. 283 00:15:15,497 --> 00:15:19,000 I'm not just your friend. Debbie Epstein's your friend. 284 00:15:19,919 --> 00:15:21,920 [HIP-HOP MUSIC PLAYING ON STEREO] 285 00:15:25,132 --> 00:15:27,675 Look at you. Somebody chasing you? 286 00:15:28,510 --> 00:15:30,762 - Dude. - Yup. 287 00:15:32,014 --> 00:15:35,016 - Let me guess, Kassie issues? - No, no, there's no issue. 288 00:15:35,184 --> 00:15:36,851 We haven't seen each other for a week. 289 00:15:37,019 --> 00:15:38,728 - She says we're on a timeout. - Timeout? 290 00:15:38,896 --> 00:15:40,480 - Yeah. - Timeout? 291 00:15:40,648 --> 00:15:43,149 What are you, 6? You didn't share your animal crackers? 292 00:15:43,317 --> 00:15:44,567 Grown-ups don't go on timeouts. 293 00:15:44,735 --> 00:15:46,986 Grown-ups have sex with their lady friends, Mars. 294 00:15:47,154 --> 00:15:51,199 Okay, you're eating a chocolate bar on two. 295 00:15:51,367 --> 00:15:54,452 It's not on two. It's certainly not on two. And I needed just a little energy. 296 00:15:54,620 --> 00:15:56,287 - And I'm in the fat-burning zone. - Right. 297 00:15:56,455 --> 00:15:59,082 You're burning muscle. This is how you burn fat. 298 00:16:57,099 --> 00:16:58,975 [SUNRIDER'S "THE BOMB!" PLAYING ON STEREO] 299 00:16:59,184 --> 00:17:00,977 [LAUGHTER AND CHATTERING] 300 00:17:07,109 --> 00:17:10,319 WOMAN: Aloha. Ha, ha. - Hi. Oh, ha, ha. 301 00:17:10,487 --> 00:17:12,280 So sweet. 302 00:17:13,991 --> 00:17:16,826 Can I just do it then? You're busy. Okay? 303 00:17:16,994 --> 00:17:21,372 Well, this is confusing. One more of these. I got it. 304 00:17:21,540 --> 00:17:24,292 Cool if I did this by myself? Picking up on your eyes. 305 00:17:24,460 --> 00:17:26,836 - Hey, Wally, want me to top off? - Hi. No, thanks, I'm good. 306 00:17:27,004 --> 00:17:28,212 - Some bubbly? - No, thank you. 307 00:17:28,380 --> 00:17:30,089 I'm gonna stick with the hard stuff tonight. 308 00:17:30,257 --> 00:17:32,633 Hey, so who does this? A party for insemination? 309 00:17:32,801 --> 00:17:36,387 - Is there even a doctor here, Debbie? - Yes, Dr. Orensen. 310 00:17:38,307 --> 00:17:41,517 That guy? Does he, like, practice out of a camper? 311 00:17:41,685 --> 00:17:43,269 He's progressive. 312 00:17:43,645 --> 00:17:47,148 This whole night was my idea. It's how everybody's doing it these days. 313 00:17:47,316 --> 00:17:50,359 And Kassie's gonna go in the other room, we're all gonna leave, 314 00:17:50,527 --> 00:17:54,697 and she's gonna, like, do the deed with this big baster. 315 00:17:55,157 --> 00:17:57,617 Shouldn't that be cleaned or something? 316 00:17:57,785 --> 00:18:00,161 - Why is it up here? - I'm messing with you. 317 00:18:00,329 --> 00:18:02,163 - Oh. - Ha, ha. Wally, you're so funny. 318 00:18:02,331 --> 00:18:03,790 Debbie, knock that off. 319 00:18:03,957 --> 00:18:05,249 She's gonna use a medical device. 320 00:18:05,417 --> 00:18:07,335 But, you know, it's basically the same thing. 321 00:18:07,503 --> 00:18:09,170 - It goes in and out. - Mm-hm. 322 00:18:09,797 --> 00:18:11,422 Charming. 323 00:18:11,590 --> 00:18:15,009 Wally, what is wrong with you? You have, like, this negative... 324 00:18:15,177 --> 00:18:18,221 All these negative ions that pop off like fleas. 325 00:18:18,388 --> 00:18:21,766 - Here, try this, it'll make you less anxious. - What's this? 326 00:18:21,934 --> 00:18:24,227 I stole them from my mother. 327 00:18:24,812 --> 00:18:26,604 They're herbal. 328 00:18:27,314 --> 00:18:30,066 But they might as well be pharmaceutical. 329 00:18:30,234 --> 00:18:34,278 - If I take one, will you walk away? - I should change the guacamole. 330 00:18:34,446 --> 00:18:37,782 You know when it goes from green to brown, like, ugh, that putrid...? 331 00:18:37,950 --> 00:18:40,201 Kind of like your sweater. 332 00:18:40,369 --> 00:18:42,370 WOMAN: Debbie. DEBBIE: All right. 333 00:18:47,876 --> 00:18:50,044 [MOANING] 334 00:19:07,688 --> 00:19:09,605 WALLY: Unbelievable. 335 00:19:15,237 --> 00:19:17,071 Come on. 336 00:19:19,324 --> 00:19:22,076 This is a strange one, huh? 337 00:19:22,244 --> 00:19:24,912 - Only Kassie would do it like this. - Yeah? 338 00:19:25,080 --> 00:19:27,206 - I don't know her that well. - No? 339 00:19:27,374 --> 00:19:30,042 - Can I get you a drink? - Uh, yes, you sure can. 340 00:19:31,420 --> 00:19:33,421 Thanks, bartender. I'm Wally. 341 00:19:33,589 --> 00:19:36,424 Roland. I'm the, uh, donor. 342 00:19:36,592 --> 00:19:37,925 [CHUCKLES] 343 00:19:38,594 --> 00:19:40,386 Yeah. 344 00:19:40,554 --> 00:19:41,846 - Roland, the donor. - Yeah. 345 00:19:42,014 --> 00:19:46,392 I am... I am Wally, the best friend. Kassie's best friend. 346 00:19:46,560 --> 00:19:49,979 Oh. That's okay. 347 00:19:50,522 --> 00:19:52,106 Great. 348 00:19:52,274 --> 00:19:54,901 WOMAN: Hi. ROLAND: Ahem. Hi. 349 00:19:57,196 --> 00:19:59,197 I feel like the prized hog. 350 00:19:59,364 --> 00:20:00,823 [CHUCKLES] 351 00:20:02,409 --> 00:20:06,662 Bet you're used to that, huh? Hey, let me ask you a question. Um... 352 00:20:06,830 --> 00:20:08,331 Uh, why are you doing this? 353 00:20:10,167 --> 00:20:11,542 We could use the money. 354 00:20:12,002 --> 00:20:14,378 - We? - Yeah, my wife and I. 355 00:20:14,546 --> 00:20:17,131 Yeah, she's right over there. 356 00:20:18,091 --> 00:20:20,468 WALLY: Wow, she's beautiful. ROLAND: Yeah, thank you. 357 00:20:20,636 --> 00:20:22,220 Mm-hm, she's the... 358 00:20:22,387 --> 00:20:25,223 She's the light of my life. She is, uh... She's my soul mate. 359 00:20:25,390 --> 00:20:28,351 Oh, man. Is she...? I'll bet... Is she the wind under your wings? 360 00:20:28,518 --> 00:20:29,560 - Yeah. - Right, I get it. 361 00:20:29,728 --> 00:20:32,480 Yeah. Yeah, so it gets a little tough on a teacher's salary. 362 00:20:32,648 --> 00:20:34,273 I'm an assistant professor at Columbia. 363 00:20:34,441 --> 00:20:36,901 I teach a course on feminist literary tradition. 364 00:20:37,069 --> 00:20:38,152 - Is that right? - Yeah. 365 00:20:38,320 --> 00:20:39,862 DEBBIE: Okay. 366 00:20:41,323 --> 00:20:44,158 - It's game time. You ready? - Uh, okay. 367 00:20:44,326 --> 00:20:47,995 Pick out a nice room, put everything, well, you know. 368 00:20:48,163 --> 00:20:51,040 Duty calls. Good talking to you, Wally. 369 00:20:53,168 --> 00:20:54,543 Isn't he great? 370 00:20:54,711 --> 00:20:58,297 - Make way. It's happening, people. MAN: All right, all right. No pressure. 371 00:21:13,522 --> 00:21:14,897 Hi. 372 00:21:15,065 --> 00:21:17,400 I just met your Viking. 373 00:21:18,110 --> 00:21:21,320 - Gorgeous, isn't he? - Yeah, delicious. 374 00:21:27,869 --> 00:21:29,120 What's going on in here? 375 00:21:30,080 --> 00:21:32,123 - Truth? - Mm-hm. 376 00:21:32,291 --> 00:21:34,333 I'm freaking out. 377 00:21:34,751 --> 00:21:41,007 I really thought that throwing a party would, you know, make it fun, but it's... 378 00:21:41,842 --> 00:21:44,552 It's just really depressing. 379 00:21:45,345 --> 00:21:47,221 Come on. 380 00:21:48,056 --> 00:21:50,057 You think I'm crazy, don't you? 381 00:21:51,893 --> 00:21:57,148 I think that you wanna have a child, and I think that that's natural. 382 00:21:58,775 --> 00:22:00,776 You're not nuts. 383 00:22:02,738 --> 00:22:04,613 You're okay. 384 00:22:06,325 --> 00:22:08,159 Thank you. 385 00:22:08,327 --> 00:22:09,827 - Oh, Wally, thank you. - All right. 386 00:22:09,995 --> 00:22:11,746 - You get it, don't you? - I get it. 387 00:22:11,913 --> 00:22:14,165 - You get it. - Yeah. 388 00:22:23,884 --> 00:22:27,720 Okay, where's my crown? Oh. 389 00:22:30,265 --> 00:22:33,142 Okay. I'm gonna be fine. 390 00:22:33,310 --> 00:22:35,394 I'm just a little emotional. 391 00:22:36,355 --> 00:22:37,980 Crown looks fantastic. 392 00:22:39,524 --> 00:22:41,108 Bye. 393 00:22:48,408 --> 00:22:51,118 DEBBIE: Let's do a toast. Okay, you guys. 394 00:22:51,286 --> 00:22:52,787 [GLASS CLINKING] 395 00:22:52,954 --> 00:22:54,580 - Are you all ready? GUESTS: Yeah. 396 00:22:54,748 --> 00:23:00,211 DEBBIE: Before we get down to the nitty-gritty and kick you all out, 397 00:23:00,879 --> 00:23:03,881 I just wanted to make a toast to our donor, Roland. 398 00:23:04,049 --> 00:23:05,091 [CHEERING] 399 00:23:05,258 --> 00:23:06,425 GUESTS: Yeah! - Yeah! 400 00:23:06,593 --> 00:23:08,427 Roland, where are you? The man of our night. 401 00:23:08,595 --> 00:23:11,430 Right there. There he is. Roland. 402 00:23:13,225 --> 00:23:15,810 - How'd it go in there? - Uh... 403 00:23:16,353 --> 00:23:17,603 Debbie. 404 00:23:17,771 --> 00:23:24,610 I also wanna make a toast to our Kassie, why we're all here. 405 00:23:24,778 --> 00:23:27,571 You're an inspiration to all of us. 406 00:23:27,739 --> 00:23:29,740 You are taking the bull by the horns. 407 00:23:29,908 --> 00:23:34,370 You're Venus, and we're doing it, you know? 408 00:23:34,538 --> 00:23:36,747 So to Kassie. 409 00:23:36,915 --> 00:23:39,750 It's amazing. We're doing it for ourselves. 410 00:23:39,918 --> 00:23:41,168 WOMAN: Yeah, Kassie! 411 00:23:41,336 --> 00:23:43,212 [MADONNA'S "PAPA DON'T PREACH" PLAYING ON STEREO] 412 00:23:43,380 --> 00:23:46,507 Oh, my God, you... You're kidding. 413 00:23:46,675 --> 00:23:50,678 I didn't even plan this. This is cosmic. 414 00:23:50,846 --> 00:23:53,055 [ALL SINGING] 415 00:23:53,223 --> 00:23:54,723 Hey, Wally. 416 00:23:58,228 --> 00:23:59,728 Come here, come here. 417 00:24:11,741 --> 00:24:13,909 WOMAN: Yes, I'm in here. 418 00:24:14,077 --> 00:24:18,330 - Maybe use the other bathroom. - All right. 419 00:24:19,458 --> 00:24:22,585 [FAT LARRY'S BAND'S "HERE COMES THE SUN" PLAYING ON STEREO] 420 00:24:26,715 --> 00:24:28,466 [WALLY SIGHS] 421 00:24:42,022 --> 00:24:43,522 [CHUCKLES] 422 00:24:46,902 --> 00:24:49,236 Pff, Kassie. 423 00:24:51,156 --> 00:24:52,698 [PEEING] 424 00:25:22,687 --> 00:25:26,106 Oh. Yeah. 425 00:25:34,824 --> 00:25:35,866 [KNOCK ON DOOR] 426 00:25:36,034 --> 00:25:38,285 MAN: Somebody in there? - I'm in here. 427 00:25:38,453 --> 00:25:40,246 MAN: Okay, sorry. 428 00:26:47,689 --> 00:26:49,231 [BELL RINGS] 429 00:27:10,295 --> 00:27:12,504 [VOMITS] 430 00:27:29,522 --> 00:27:32,358 LEONARD: Hey. - Ah. Hey, my head. Please. 431 00:27:32,942 --> 00:27:35,235 You're fired. You're falling apart. 432 00:27:35,403 --> 00:27:38,697 - What the hell was that last night? - What are you talking about? 433 00:27:38,865 --> 00:27:43,118 Showing up at my place at 3 in the morning completely drunk? 434 00:27:43,286 --> 00:27:47,247 - Plastered? What is that? - Whoa, whoa, what? 435 00:27:47,749 --> 00:27:49,291 I was at your place last night? 436 00:27:49,459 --> 00:27:53,170 Yes, and talking some scary mumbiddy-jumbiddy. 437 00:27:53,338 --> 00:27:55,381 I had nightmares after that, man. 438 00:27:55,548 --> 00:27:57,800 What...? What was I saying? 439 00:27:57,967 --> 00:28:03,597 Oh, I don't know, some wild mutterings about risky trade, 440 00:28:03,765 --> 00:28:08,852 Vikings, and, I don't know, the music of it was foul and sinister. 441 00:28:09,020 --> 00:28:10,896 Gave me the willies, gave me the heebie-jeebies. 442 00:28:11,064 --> 00:28:13,107 Very dark, really. Very disturbing. 443 00:28:13,274 --> 00:28:16,402 I loaded you into a car service pretty quick. Forty bucks, my treat. 444 00:28:17,320 --> 00:28:19,697 - Leonard, I don't remember any of that. - What? 445 00:28:21,241 --> 00:28:22,282 How can you not...? 446 00:28:22,450 --> 00:28:25,744 You don't recall at one point, uh, barking out the name Diane Sawyer? 447 00:28:25,912 --> 00:28:29,540 "Diane Sawyer!" You don't remember that? At all? 448 00:28:29,708 --> 00:28:31,208 Diane Sawyer from Good Morning America? 449 00:28:31,376 --> 00:28:34,378 Yeah. By the way, she's always been quite comely, hasn't she? 450 00:28:34,546 --> 00:28:36,880 Creamy complexion. Mm. 451 00:28:37,048 --> 00:28:39,508 I think she was a Miss, uh, Something-or-Other. 452 00:28:39,968 --> 00:28:44,471 I went to Kassie's party, and after that, uh... 453 00:28:45,682 --> 00:28:47,933 I guess I must have blacked out. 454 00:28:48,643 --> 00:28:50,978 - Blacked out? - Yeah. 455 00:28:51,146 --> 00:28:53,522 Well, you threw up in my hallway like a college girl. 456 00:28:54,149 --> 00:28:57,860 You seriously don't remember any of it? 457 00:28:58,278 --> 00:29:00,320 No, zero. 458 00:29:00,488 --> 00:29:02,114 Well, I'm telling you, you need help. 459 00:29:02,282 --> 00:29:03,574 [CHATTERING] 460 00:29:03,742 --> 00:29:04,867 [LEONARD SPEAKS IN JAPANESE] 461 00:29:05,034 --> 00:29:06,076 So nice, so nice. 462 00:29:06,244 --> 00:29:07,703 [WOMAN SPEAKS IN JAPANESE] 463 00:29:10,623 --> 00:29:13,208 Diane Sawyer? 464 00:29:15,128 --> 00:29:21,383 For murder, though it have no tongue, will speak with most miraculous organ. 465 00:29:22,135 --> 00:29:24,261 The play's the thing 466 00:29:24,679 --> 00:29:29,183 Wherein I'll catch the conscience of the King. 467 00:29:35,982 --> 00:29:37,816 WALLY: Ugh. Do we have to see the second half? 468 00:29:37,984 --> 00:29:39,902 KASSIE: Come on, it gets better. - Do you promise? 469 00:29:40,069 --> 00:29:41,195 [KASSIE CHUCKLES] 470 00:29:41,362 --> 00:29:44,364 I'm not even making a joke. I mean, it's really unbelievable in there. 471 00:29:44,532 --> 00:29:46,825 I mean, what is this guy trying to prove, Kassie? 472 00:29:46,993 --> 00:29:49,036 Oh, please. I thought it was extremely powerful. 473 00:29:49,204 --> 00:29:50,454 - Thank you. - It's not powerful. 474 00:29:50,622 --> 00:29:52,498 It's like introducing a new character, you know? 475 00:29:52,665 --> 00:29:59,838 A very small, unsettling, uh, character that, um, you know, frankly... 476 00:30:00,006 --> 00:30:01,089 I'm pregnant. 477 00:30:02,717 --> 00:30:05,302 - That is gonna make the king less inclined to hear this guy out. 478 00:30:05,470 --> 00:30:08,055 I mean, he's not wearing any pants. It's unnecessary. 479 00:30:08,223 --> 00:30:10,140 Did you hear what I just said? 480 00:30:12,477 --> 00:30:13,977 Yeah. 481 00:30:18,024 --> 00:30:19,107 WALLY: She went on to tell me 482 00:30:19,275 --> 00:30:20,943 that she was moving back home to Minnesota. 483 00:30:21,110 --> 00:30:23,612 KASSIE [WHISPERING]: New York City is no place to raise a child. 484 00:30:24,239 --> 00:30:28,617 WALLY: Something about a better place to raise a kid and loving grandparents. 485 00:30:30,912 --> 00:30:32,913 It ruined the second act for me, which was a bummer 486 00:30:33,081 --> 00:30:35,791 because the naked guy ended up killing a bunch of people 487 00:30:35,959 --> 00:30:37,417 and the play got pretty good. 488 00:30:37,585 --> 00:30:40,254 [MOJAVE 3'S "BLUEBIRD OF HAPPINESS" PLAYING] 489 00:30:40,421 --> 00:30:42,840 Two weeks later, Kassie left. 490 00:30:43,007 --> 00:30:45,717 She got a little choked up as the moving trucks pulled away, 491 00:30:46,678 --> 00:30:49,763 probably sensing what a gigantic mistake she was making with her life. 492 00:30:51,432 --> 00:30:54,768 She bought me an Airedale terrier, who I love. 493 00:30:54,936 --> 00:30:57,938 I had to have my floors redone after one month. 494 00:30:58,356 --> 00:31:01,525 What do people see in dogs? They're worse than babies. 495 00:31:04,195 --> 00:31:06,280 We promised to stay in touch, but who are we kidding? 496 00:31:06,447 --> 00:31:09,908 She was a single mom, and I lived in New York. 497 00:31:10,618 --> 00:31:15,289 There were Christmas cards and e-mails but not much else. 498 00:31:48,364 --> 00:31:51,199 And after seven years, 499 00:31:51,367 --> 00:31:53,869 two failed relationships, 500 00:31:54,037 --> 00:31:58,874 one stock-market crash, and numerous blind dates, 501 00:31:59,042 --> 00:32:00,792 there I was, 502 00:32:00,960 --> 00:32:03,128 right where Kassie left me. 503 00:32:03,296 --> 00:32:06,340 You know, when my friend told me you were still single, I couldn't believe it. 504 00:32:06,507 --> 00:32:07,549 Yep, well... 505 00:32:07,717 --> 00:32:10,677 So you gonna try to take me off the market on the first date, Pauline? 506 00:32:11,679 --> 00:32:14,598 Yes, I am thinking a June wedding. 507 00:32:14,766 --> 00:32:16,642 And then we'll move out to the suburbs, huh? 508 00:32:17,310 --> 00:32:21,313 - Okay. Um, New Jersey? - Great. Easy commute. 509 00:32:21,481 --> 00:32:24,858 Course, I have to work a ton to afford that second house. 510 00:32:25,026 --> 00:32:26,109 [CHUCKLES] 511 00:32:26,277 --> 00:32:28,320 Although that could end up just being an excuse. 512 00:32:28,488 --> 00:32:30,530 I might just be hiding from, you know, 513 00:32:30,698 --> 00:32:35,869 the ever-growing tedium of New Jersey drudgery. 514 00:32:36,037 --> 00:32:37,245 [CHUCKLES] 515 00:32:37,413 --> 00:32:39,957 Which will then create some sort of resentment in you. 516 00:32:40,124 --> 00:32:42,918 But you seem like the kind of person that would internalize that, right? 517 00:32:43,086 --> 00:32:45,045 But, you know, you would act out 518 00:32:45,213 --> 00:32:47,839 in some sort of self-destructive manner later. 519 00:32:48,007 --> 00:32:49,508 That's me. 520 00:32:49,676 --> 00:32:52,010 And I'm the kind of person that would blame myself for that 521 00:32:52,178 --> 00:32:54,888 and probably end up scheduling even more work out of town 522 00:32:55,056 --> 00:32:56,723 to deal with the guilt. 523 00:32:57,433 --> 00:32:59,101 Once I'm out of town, I'm stuck in a hotel, 524 00:32:59,268 --> 00:33:01,103 I gotta masturbate incessantly to the Internet, 525 00:33:01,270 --> 00:33:05,816 and you're probably back home with some afternoon drinking problem. 526 00:33:05,984 --> 00:33:08,568 And I'm gonna end up a pathetic 50-year-old bachelor 527 00:33:08,736 --> 00:33:12,030 wearing 300-dollar jeans at a turnpike nightclub, 528 00:33:12,198 --> 00:33:14,741 speaking to women I should not be speaking to 529 00:33:14,909 --> 00:33:15,909 because they're too young. 530 00:33:16,077 --> 00:33:17,452 [CHUCKLES] 531 00:33:20,540 --> 00:33:22,708 Or it could all work out great. 532 00:33:25,878 --> 00:33:30,465 Absolutely unbelievable. What was I thinking? 533 00:33:30,633 --> 00:33:35,846 Just shut up and smile. No good ever comes from you talking. 534 00:33:36,014 --> 00:33:38,598 VOICEMAIL: You have one unheard message. 535 00:33:38,766 --> 00:33:40,642 KASSIE [ON PHONE]: Hey, Wally, it's Kassie. 536 00:33:40,810 --> 00:33:43,437 Guess what. We are moving back to New York. 537 00:33:43,604 --> 00:33:47,691 I got an amazing offer from ABC, and I found a great school for Sebastian. 538 00:33:47,859 --> 00:33:49,943 He's already practicing his accent. 539 00:33:50,111 --> 00:33:54,656 Now, call me. This is very exciting. Okay, bye. 540 00:34:02,582 --> 00:34:05,917 WALLY: Yeah, well, listen, I was thinking that, uh, after dinner, 541 00:34:06,085 --> 00:34:09,129 maybe we should go by that, uh, wine bar that we love to hate. 542 00:34:09,297 --> 00:34:11,965 You know, I think that cheesy old maître d' that always hit on you, 543 00:34:12,133 --> 00:34:14,885 - I think he's still alive. - Oh, God, how old is he? 544 00:34:15,053 --> 00:34:16,428 WALLY: A hundred and fifteen by now. 545 00:34:16,596 --> 00:34:17,637 [KASSIE CHUCKLES] 546 00:34:17,805 --> 00:34:20,474 Actually, Sebastian prefers only hard alcohol. 547 00:34:20,975 --> 00:34:23,185 Sebastian, huh? 548 00:34:23,352 --> 00:34:26,772 - Not just gonna be you and me? - What, you don't wanna see him? 549 00:34:26,939 --> 00:34:27,981 Come on. And you know what? 550 00:34:28,149 --> 00:34:30,650 You should actually get him something, like a little gift. 551 00:34:31,027 --> 00:34:33,612 - Nothing big. - A small gift, nothing big, huh? 552 00:34:33,780 --> 00:34:37,282 Okay, well, I'll get him, um... 553 00:34:37,450 --> 00:34:39,326 I'll get him... How about I get him a basketball? 554 00:34:39,494 --> 00:34:41,661 KASSIE: Actually, you know, he's not that athletic. 555 00:34:43,664 --> 00:34:46,666 - Well, then what should I get him? - He collects picture frames. 556 00:34:46,834 --> 00:34:50,295 - Picture frames? - Yeah. Yeah, it's weird, I know. 557 00:34:50,463 --> 00:34:53,965 - And he doesn't put pictures in them. - Uh, wow. 558 00:34:54,133 --> 00:34:55,550 That is very unusual, Kassie. 559 00:34:55,718 --> 00:34:57,636 - Debbie's here. She says hi. - Does she? 560 00:34:57,804 --> 00:34:59,346 She's helping me unpack. 561 00:34:59,514 --> 00:35:02,057 Oh, she made a dreamcatcher. 562 00:35:02,225 --> 00:35:04,434 It's just... I don't know. We'll see, we'll just... 563 00:35:04,602 --> 00:35:08,980 So listen, um, I will see you tonight, okay? 564 00:35:09,148 --> 00:35:13,360 Oh, yeah, Wally, thank you for rejecting my friend request. 565 00:35:13,528 --> 00:35:14,569 Did you get that? 566 00:35:14,737 --> 00:35:17,364 You can tell Debbie that it was all part of my master plan 567 00:35:17,532 --> 00:35:19,199 to get her completely out of my life. 568 00:35:19,700 --> 00:35:21,785 Right. I cannot tell her that. 569 00:35:21,953 --> 00:35:23,703 - Yeah, all right. - Okay, see you later. 570 00:35:23,871 --> 00:35:24,955 Okay. 571 00:35:50,356 --> 00:35:52,732 Hi, I'm looking for a young lady that, uh... 572 00:35:52,900 --> 00:35:55,318 Oh, got it, right there. 573 00:36:03,744 --> 00:36:05,829 Pardon me, miss? 574 00:36:06,497 --> 00:36:07,873 Wow. 575 00:36:08,040 --> 00:36:09,749 Hi. 576 00:36:11,586 --> 00:36:13,378 - You look great. - Look at you. 577 00:36:15,173 --> 00:36:17,299 Who took over dressing you? 578 00:36:17,466 --> 00:36:21,595 - Nobody. What are you talking about? - Come on. I like it. 579 00:36:21,762 --> 00:36:23,889 - How's Sebastian? Where is he? - Oh, he's over there. 580 00:36:24,056 --> 00:36:25,515 But listen, if he's a little strange, 581 00:36:25,683 --> 00:36:28,852 it's just he's having some adjustment issues to the move, so... 582 00:36:29,020 --> 00:36:30,687 But he's watching the fish. 583 00:36:33,941 --> 00:36:38,195 - I think he's gonna be just fine. MAN: Matthew, come on, it's time to go. 584 00:36:44,952 --> 00:36:46,411 [SIGHS] 585 00:36:54,629 --> 00:36:56,838 I think I have cyclothymic disorder. 586 00:36:57,340 --> 00:36:59,799 I looked right at the shark and felt nothing. 587 00:36:59,967 --> 00:37:03,345 Honey, I don't know what that is, but I'm sure you don't have it. 588 00:37:03,512 --> 00:37:06,556 Sweetie, this is Uncle Wally. Say hi. 589 00:37:06,724 --> 00:37:09,434 - Hi. - Hi, Sebastian. 590 00:37:09,602 --> 00:37:13,063 Cyclothymic disorder: Emotional ups and downs, 591 00:37:13,231 --> 00:37:18,318 hyperactivity, loss of interest and/or pleasure, lack of sexual drive. 592 00:37:18,486 --> 00:37:21,321 Okay, was I not clear about WebMD? 593 00:37:21,489 --> 00:37:24,157 Sebastian, now, look, Wally has a gift for you. 594 00:37:24,325 --> 00:37:27,994 - Let's see what he got you. - Yes, I do. Take a look at this. 595 00:37:29,288 --> 00:37:34,209 That's so sweet, Wally, very sweet. 596 00:37:34,377 --> 00:37:36,086 Oh, wow. 597 00:37:41,092 --> 00:37:43,093 It's a Lunt Silver Edition. 598 00:37:47,306 --> 00:37:49,849 - Where's the picture? - What picture? 599 00:37:50,017 --> 00:37:54,062 The one that comes with the frame. It's the most important part. 600 00:37:55,690 --> 00:37:58,942 - What? - This frame's used. 601 00:38:01,404 --> 00:38:02,445 Say thank you. 602 00:38:03,281 --> 00:38:04,906 - Thanks. WALLY: You got it. 603 00:38:05,074 --> 00:38:08,410 Look at this. Okay, guys. Here's a big surprise. 604 00:38:08,577 --> 00:38:10,829 I called ahead on the phone, I pre-ordered this. 605 00:38:10,997 --> 00:38:14,708 Are you ready for the best duck in the whole wide world? Huh? 606 00:38:14,875 --> 00:38:18,211 - I can't eat duck. - What do you mean, you can't eat duck? 607 00:38:18,379 --> 00:38:21,756 Wally, do you know what they do to ducks at the waterfowl farms? 608 00:38:21,924 --> 00:38:25,468 No, no, sweetie, I think that's veal. You're thinking of veal. 609 00:38:25,636 --> 00:38:28,805 No, I read about the ducks too. 610 00:38:28,973 --> 00:38:31,808 They force-feed the ducks 7 pounds of food a day 611 00:38:31,976 --> 00:38:34,227 through a plastic tube they drill into their throats. 612 00:38:34,395 --> 00:38:37,188 I called on the phone, I pre-ordered this. 613 00:38:37,356 --> 00:38:39,566 The ducks get this liver disease called hepatic lipidosis 614 00:38:39,734 --> 00:38:40,859 and they can't walk. 615 00:38:41,319 --> 00:38:45,780 Nature's in crisis, and there's only one mammal to blame. 616 00:38:48,075 --> 00:38:49,576 What's going on here? What do you got? 617 00:38:50,578 --> 00:38:51,870 He's stubborn. 618 00:38:52,955 --> 00:38:54,080 Hey, guess what. 619 00:38:54,248 --> 00:38:55,707 This cost me $84, 620 00:38:55,875 --> 00:38:58,376 and it's gonna be about the best culinary treat you've ever had. 621 00:38:58,544 --> 00:39:00,045 I won't do it, Uncle Wally. 622 00:39:00,212 --> 00:39:02,881 - And I'll hate you if you do. - Okay, let's not... 623 00:39:03,049 --> 00:39:06,426 We don't say "hate," sweetie. We don't say "hate." 624 00:39:07,094 --> 00:39:08,720 Okay? 625 00:39:09,513 --> 00:39:13,266 - We can have rice with soy sauce. - Great, rice with soy sauce. 626 00:39:13,726 --> 00:39:17,812 That's a great compromise. Uncle Wally loves rice. 627 00:39:18,439 --> 00:39:19,647 He likes you. 628 00:39:20,107 --> 00:39:23,360 - You're kidding, right? - No, that's like for him, it is. 629 00:39:23,527 --> 00:39:25,028 Hey, listen, will you do me a favor? 630 00:39:25,196 --> 00:39:27,364 Would you watch him for a couple hours this weekend? 631 00:39:27,531 --> 00:39:29,157 - I don't think... - No, it is, here. 632 00:39:29,325 --> 00:39:32,619 See, I have to go to a parent, um, orientation thing at his school. 633 00:39:32,787 --> 00:39:34,746 It would really help me out. 634 00:39:34,914 --> 00:39:37,707 I also think it would be good for you guys to spend some time together, 635 00:39:37,875 --> 00:39:39,876 you know, a little get-to-know-me time. 636 00:39:41,045 --> 00:39:42,462 Hi, excuse me. 637 00:39:42,630 --> 00:39:46,800 Hi, could I get a soda on the rocks, uh, for myself 638 00:39:46,967 --> 00:39:48,885 and, uh, some steamed vegetables? 639 00:39:49,053 --> 00:39:51,054 [MOANING] 640 00:39:58,562 --> 00:40:00,730 - Sorry about that, Wally. - Yeah, don't worry about it. 641 00:40:00,898 --> 00:40:02,357 I'll expense it, okay? 642 00:40:02,525 --> 00:40:05,777 And I'll, uh, just cut it up and put it in my cereal. 643 00:40:05,945 --> 00:40:08,947 - It's better than bananas. - Ooh, that sounds delicious. 644 00:40:09,115 --> 00:40:11,032 The neck is sort of, you know, shaped like banana, 645 00:40:11,200 --> 00:40:12,700 so it'll slice up nice. 646 00:40:13,285 --> 00:40:14,953 KASSIE: Honey, stay close. 647 00:40:15,121 --> 00:40:17,705 - Isn't he great? - Oh, my gosh. 648 00:40:17,873 --> 00:40:20,625 - He thinks I'm a lesbian. - What? 649 00:40:20,793 --> 00:40:25,755 I guess the only mothers he knows with seed guys for fathers are lesbians. 650 00:40:25,923 --> 00:40:27,382 SEBASTIAN: Mom. 651 00:40:27,883 --> 00:40:30,343 - Can I go in? - No, sweetie, we've gotta get home. 652 00:40:31,011 --> 00:40:32,512 He's so smart and willful, 653 00:40:32,680 --> 00:40:36,224 and he considers everything, and it's just never boring. 654 00:40:36,392 --> 00:40:40,186 WALLY: He went in. - I know, he does that. 655 00:40:45,025 --> 00:40:46,901 What's a... What's a seed guy? 656 00:40:47,069 --> 00:40:50,697 Uh, that's his... Part of his birth story. 657 00:40:51,323 --> 00:40:52,615 This should be good. 658 00:40:52,783 --> 00:40:56,369 It's the story I've been telling him about how he got here. 659 00:40:56,996 --> 00:41:00,039 I told him that Mommy didn't have a husband 660 00:41:00,207 --> 00:41:04,961 but wanted you so very, very much that she couldn't wait another day. 661 00:41:05,504 --> 00:41:09,424 And so she went to the doctor, and the doctor said, 662 00:41:09,592 --> 00:41:13,052 "If you go out into the world and you look very, very hard, 663 00:41:13,512 --> 00:41:18,516 you'll find a very special person who, if you ask very nicely, 664 00:41:18,684 --> 00:41:20,018 will give you seeds," 665 00:41:20,811 --> 00:41:23,062 so that I can plant you in my tummy. 666 00:41:23,230 --> 00:41:24,814 Got it. 667 00:41:25,399 --> 00:41:27,650 But l... You know, I've read all the books 668 00:41:27,818 --> 00:41:30,278 about how you're supposed to talk about this stuff, 669 00:41:30,446 --> 00:41:34,491 and until it happens, nothing can prepare you for the day 670 00:41:34,658 --> 00:41:36,367 when your kid comes home crying after school 671 00:41:36,535 --> 00:41:39,787 because some lard-ass called him a science experiment. 672 00:41:47,171 --> 00:41:49,297 Okay, I'm gonna go in. 673 00:41:53,135 --> 00:41:54,844 [CELL PHONE BEEPS] 674 00:41:55,846 --> 00:41:57,055 WOMAN: Thank you. 675 00:41:57,223 --> 00:41:59,599 [SOFT POP MUSIC PLAYING ON SPEAKERS] 676 00:42:02,311 --> 00:42:05,939 - Who was that? - A text. Text from Roland. 677 00:42:07,441 --> 00:42:11,653 - Who's Roland? - The seed guy. The donor. 678 00:42:13,572 --> 00:42:17,492 - You still talk to him? - Yeah. Well, I called him when I got back. 679 00:42:17,660 --> 00:42:18,701 Why? What for? 680 00:42:18,869 --> 00:42:21,746 Well, there's a reason I didn't want the donor to be anonymous. 681 00:42:21,914 --> 00:42:24,290 You know, so that when Sebastian started asking questions, 682 00:42:24,458 --> 00:42:26,125 I would have answers. 683 00:42:26,293 --> 00:42:28,670 And I'd like to get to know this guy. 684 00:42:28,837 --> 00:42:31,005 You know, someday I think I'd like them to meet. 685 00:42:31,173 --> 00:42:33,383 Okay, what's Mrs. Roland gonna think about all of this? 686 00:42:33,551 --> 00:42:37,136 There isn't a Mrs. Roland. They got a divorce. 687 00:42:41,475 --> 00:42:45,853 So I'm very sorry to hear about your divorce, by the way. 688 00:42:46,021 --> 00:42:48,481 Oh. Thank you. 689 00:42:48,649 --> 00:42:50,400 Don't worry, it's, uh... 690 00:42:50,568 --> 00:42:52,902 I won't get into how the marriage ended. 691 00:42:53,070 --> 00:42:56,823 I don't wanna bore you with the details of how she cheated on me. 692 00:42:56,991 --> 00:42:59,325 - Oh. - Let's just say it's gonna be a long time 693 00:42:59,493 --> 00:43:03,329 before I can trust anyone involved in the instruction of Pilates. 694 00:43:03,497 --> 00:43:06,082 We'll just leave it at that. 695 00:43:06,750 --> 00:43:08,960 Yeah, okay, fair enough. 696 00:43:09,628 --> 00:43:10,670 [CHUCKLES] 697 00:43:11,672 --> 00:43:16,884 So listen, you're under no obligation to do anything. 698 00:43:17,052 --> 00:43:19,470 And I know that you didn't expect to do anything 699 00:43:19,638 --> 00:43:22,265 other than, um, you know, donating. 700 00:43:22,433 --> 00:43:26,185 Uh, which you did so wonderfully, by the way. 701 00:43:26,353 --> 00:43:28,021 - I don't mean that to sound like... - Kass. 702 00:43:28,188 --> 00:43:30,607 You know what I meant. I just meant for future, down the road, 703 00:43:30,774 --> 00:43:32,358 - if he starts to ask questions... - Kass. 704 00:43:32,526 --> 00:43:33,901 KASSIE: Mm-hm? 705 00:43:34,528 --> 00:43:36,529 I was honored to receive your call. 706 00:43:37,406 --> 00:43:38,448 Really? 707 00:43:38,616 --> 00:43:43,953 I always wondered about this, you know, him and you and how it turned out. 708 00:43:44,121 --> 00:43:45,204 I mean, you know... 709 00:43:45,372 --> 00:43:48,166 Roland, would you like to see a picture of him? 710 00:43:49,209 --> 00:43:51,836 - I would love that. - Would you? 711 00:43:53,130 --> 00:43:55,882 - Ready? - Let me see. 712 00:43:56,050 --> 00:43:57,383 Oh. 713 00:43:58,510 --> 00:43:59,552 He's beautiful. 714 00:44:00,721 --> 00:44:01,763 Isn't he? 715 00:44:02,222 --> 00:44:05,475 I gotta say, Kass, 716 00:44:05,643 --> 00:44:09,729 I see a lot more of me in him than you. 717 00:44:09,897 --> 00:44:11,314 [BOTH CHUCKLE] 718 00:44:11,482 --> 00:44:12,523 Wow. 719 00:44:12,691 --> 00:44:16,277 ROLAND: Hey, I didn't get to say this to you back then, but I really respect you. 720 00:44:17,029 --> 00:44:20,198 Your choice, in doing this the way that you did. 721 00:44:20,908 --> 00:44:22,742 It took a lot of guts. 722 00:44:22,910 --> 00:44:27,622 It was courageous, and I simply don't see that out there. 723 00:44:29,583 --> 00:44:33,252 - What? - No, nothing. It's just... 724 00:44:34,963 --> 00:44:37,965 That's a really kind thing to say. 725 00:44:39,093 --> 00:44:40,551 Well, it's true. 726 00:44:42,554 --> 00:44:47,392 Well, this went... This went a lot better than I expected. 727 00:44:47,559 --> 00:44:48,726 Yeah, for me too. 728 00:44:49,520 --> 00:44:51,062 Yeah. 729 00:44:54,608 --> 00:44:56,234 KASSIE: Coffee hot? ROLAND: Yes. 730 00:44:57,111 --> 00:44:59,070 [PENGUINS SQUAWKING] 731 00:45:05,244 --> 00:45:08,579 WALLY: I've always found penguins a bit of a mystery. 732 00:45:09,790 --> 00:45:11,749 SEBASTIAN: I think puppets are a mystery. 733 00:45:17,798 --> 00:45:21,134 - I'm having a birthday party. - Oh, yeah? Well, you enjoy that. 734 00:45:21,301 --> 00:45:22,301 There's gonna come a time 735 00:45:22,469 --> 00:45:24,971 when you're not gonna want people to know it's your birthday. 736 00:45:25,139 --> 00:45:28,516 Why wouldn't anyone want people to know about their birthday? 737 00:45:29,309 --> 00:45:31,644 Because getting old sucks. 738 00:45:31,812 --> 00:45:33,771 Most people don't accomplish what they'd hoped to, 739 00:45:33,939 --> 00:45:36,941 and they realize that they're most likely not going to. 740 00:45:37,109 --> 00:45:39,068 They end up living these quiet lives of denial, 741 00:45:39,236 --> 00:45:41,362 and, you know, brushing birthdays under the rug 742 00:45:41,530 --> 00:45:44,073 just becomes a big part of that. 743 00:45:47,077 --> 00:45:51,205 Do you ever get scared that you could have Parkinson's disease? 744 00:45:52,499 --> 00:45:55,376 Not specifically Parkinson's, but I'm not gonna lie, 745 00:45:55,544 --> 00:45:57,503 I've had my bouts with hypochondria. 746 00:45:58,589 --> 00:45:59,630 What's that? 747 00:45:59,798 --> 00:46:03,176 That's thinking that you have diseases that you don't really have. 748 00:46:04,511 --> 00:46:07,388 Oh, my God, I have that. 749 00:46:10,517 --> 00:46:12,477 WALLY: Do you wanna tell me about your new school? 750 00:46:12,895 --> 00:46:14,520 SEBASTIAN: Why? 751 00:46:15,564 --> 00:46:18,399 Because you're a kid, there's nothing else to talk about. 752 00:46:18,567 --> 00:46:20,651 SEBASTIAN: Well... 753 00:46:21,195 --> 00:46:23,988 I don't wanna talk about it. 754 00:46:26,825 --> 00:46:28,576 What's his name? 755 00:46:30,662 --> 00:46:35,208 Aaron O'Connor. 756 00:46:37,044 --> 00:46:40,421 - How'd you know? - Because I've been there. 757 00:46:40,839 --> 00:46:44,550 - You went to P.S. 66? - No, the proverbial there. 758 00:46:44,718 --> 00:46:47,762 You know you're gonna have to stand up to him sooner or later, right? 759 00:46:48,222 --> 00:46:50,056 I don't want to. 760 00:46:50,224 --> 00:46:51,933 Well, then he's probably gonna kick your ass. 761 00:46:52,100 --> 00:46:54,060 You all right with that? 762 00:46:54,228 --> 00:46:58,272 But he's bigger than me and he knows karate. 763 00:46:58,440 --> 00:47:02,026 Oh, he's a karate guy. Well, then just, uh... 764 00:47:02,194 --> 00:47:06,155 Tell you what. What you do is you act crazy. 765 00:47:06,323 --> 00:47:08,950 - What? - Yeah, you act crazy, all right? 766 00:47:09,117 --> 00:47:10,409 No one messes with the crazy guy. 767 00:47:10,577 --> 00:47:13,287 You just look at him like you just don't give a fu... 768 00:47:13,997 --> 00:47:15,581 Funyun. 769 00:47:15,749 --> 00:47:19,585 - Like a don't give a Funyun? - That's right, like you don't give a Funyun. 770 00:47:19,753 --> 00:47:21,754 Like you don't care what happens to you, okay? 771 00:47:21,922 --> 00:47:23,464 Just like you're insane. 772 00:47:23,924 --> 00:47:26,509 Crazy people are wild cards, they're very unpredictable. 773 00:47:26,677 --> 00:47:29,470 You never know what they're gonna do. It makes people very scared. 774 00:47:29,638 --> 00:47:32,098 It scares even Aaron O' Connor. 775 00:47:32,766 --> 00:47:35,268 - Okay? - Okay. 776 00:47:45,654 --> 00:47:46,779 He looks just like you. 777 00:47:46,947 --> 00:47:47,947 [CHUCKLES] 778 00:47:48,115 --> 00:47:49,949 He's not my son. 779 00:47:52,619 --> 00:47:57,498 - How old is he? - Uh, I think he's 5. Five, I think. 780 00:47:58,750 --> 00:48:00,293 Well... 781 00:48:00,794 --> 00:48:02,670 He's a little you. 782 00:48:17,436 --> 00:48:18,895 It's really cool. 783 00:48:19,062 --> 00:48:20,313 [LOUD VEHICLE PASSES] 784 00:48:20,480 --> 00:48:23,316 Hi. Come here. 785 00:48:24,318 --> 00:48:27,862 Hey. Hi. 786 00:48:28,030 --> 00:48:30,406 - We went to the zoo, and it was really fun. - Really? 787 00:48:30,574 --> 00:48:33,951 Oh, my gosh, that sounds like so much fun. 788 00:48:34,119 --> 00:48:35,661 Wally showed me the whole park. 789 00:48:36,371 --> 00:48:38,164 KASSIE: Mm. 790 00:48:38,999 --> 00:48:40,625 - Would you grab my bag? - Yeah. 791 00:48:40,792 --> 00:48:43,794 KASSIE: Okay, tell me more about it. What else did you see? 792 00:48:47,799 --> 00:48:49,884 So here's what we got. 793 00:48:50,052 --> 00:48:55,765 If you go with the cowboys again, that means that in your dreams, 794 00:48:55,933 --> 00:48:58,351 you're gonna travel to the plains of Colorado 795 00:48:58,518 --> 00:49:01,354 and you're gonna herd cattle. 796 00:49:01,521 --> 00:49:03,189 But I don't wanna kill any Indians. 797 00:49:03,523 --> 00:49:06,233 Well, you don't have to kill any Indians, honey. 798 00:49:06,777 --> 00:49:10,696 - What about if I go with the astronauts? - Okay. 799 00:49:10,864 --> 00:49:13,491 If you go with the astronauts, 800 00:49:13,659 --> 00:49:16,035 that means you're gonna travel to the moon, 801 00:49:16,203 --> 00:49:20,373 and you'll be driving on the moon in one of those really cool buggies 802 00:49:20,540 --> 00:49:22,583 that has a flag coming out of the back. 803 00:49:22,751 --> 00:49:24,877 SEBASTIAN: I think I'll go with the astronauts. 804 00:49:25,045 --> 00:49:28,172 KASSIE: Good choice. Let's get you in bed. 805 00:49:28,340 --> 00:49:30,549 Oh, my Lord, to the moon we go. 806 00:49:30,717 --> 00:49:34,887 We're gonna have to decide who's gonna be sleeping with Sebastian tonight. 807 00:49:35,055 --> 00:49:37,932 SEBASTIAN: Hmm. - Duck or unfortunate chicken? 808 00:49:38,809 --> 00:49:40,685 - Dead chicken. - Dead chicken? 809 00:49:40,852 --> 00:49:42,645 [BOTH CHUCKLE] 810 00:49:43,563 --> 00:49:45,272 Oh, poor dead chicken. 811 00:49:50,278 --> 00:49:52,780 God, he's exhausted. 812 00:49:52,948 --> 00:49:54,407 What did you do to him? 813 00:49:54,574 --> 00:49:56,659 WALLY: Did you finally get him to pass out? 814 00:49:56,827 --> 00:49:59,912 Yup, I did. What are you looking at? 815 00:50:00,330 --> 00:50:04,709 Looking at some really weird pictures for some reason you keep. 816 00:50:04,876 --> 00:50:07,253 Like this one. That was not a great choice. 817 00:50:07,421 --> 00:50:08,587 Are you kid...? 818 00:50:08,755 --> 00:50:11,590 - Fabulous choice. What do you mean? - Not really. 819 00:50:11,758 --> 00:50:15,720 And how odd that you were the only one not in costume. 820 00:50:16,430 --> 00:50:17,471 So not like you. 821 00:50:17,639 --> 00:50:20,057 If I had bunny ears like that, I would've worn them. 822 00:50:21,059 --> 00:50:24,270 - That was our second date, right? - Yes, I think you're right. 823 00:50:24,438 --> 00:50:29,025 And didn't you make us dance to C+C Music Factory this whole party? 824 00:50:29,192 --> 00:50:31,736 - I think you did. - I do believe I did make us do that. 825 00:50:31,903 --> 00:50:33,821 Yeah. They were like your favorite band back then. 826 00:50:33,989 --> 00:50:37,283 - You were, like, a C+C super fan. - That's right, I was. 827 00:50:40,328 --> 00:50:42,580 And you kissed me at this party, I think. 828 00:50:43,248 --> 00:50:47,877 I didn't kiss... I was in character. I was a Playboy Bunny. 829 00:50:48,045 --> 00:50:49,587 - Please. - Big kiss. 830 00:50:49,755 --> 00:50:53,466 Do you remember that you disappeared on me that night? 831 00:50:53,800 --> 00:50:56,218 You were supposed to take me home. 832 00:50:58,221 --> 00:51:00,139 Heading for the hills when things get too intense? 833 00:51:00,307 --> 00:51:01,766 That doesn't sound like me. 834 00:51:01,933 --> 00:51:03,517 [WALLY CHUCKLES] 835 00:51:08,648 --> 00:51:11,984 Wasn't this the trip that I was supposed to go on that I didn't go on? 836 00:51:12,152 --> 00:51:14,487 Wasn't it your third, um? 837 00:51:20,702 --> 00:51:24,580 SEBASTIAN: Mom, I think I wanna herd cattle. 838 00:51:25,707 --> 00:51:26,832 Okay. 839 00:51:27,375 --> 00:51:29,001 I'm gonna... 840 00:51:30,295 --> 00:51:31,337 I'm going to... 841 00:51:31,505 --> 00:51:33,172 - I gotta go get into my p.j.'s too. - Okay. 842 00:51:33,340 --> 00:51:34,840 WALLY: I'll call you in the morning. 843 00:51:41,515 --> 00:51:43,682 [INDISTINCT DIALOGUE ON TV] 844 00:51:48,146 --> 00:51:51,982 And the most inventive are video open houses right now. 845 00:52:07,415 --> 00:52:09,708 LEONARD [ON PHONE]: Hello? WALLY: Hey, Leonard, Wally here. 846 00:52:09,876 --> 00:52:12,002 Listen, I'm freaking out a little bit. 847 00:52:12,170 --> 00:52:14,713 LEONARD: Yeah. Yeah, no. Put it in my mouth. 848 00:52:14,881 --> 00:52:17,049 WALLY: Hello? - Hello? Yes? Wait a second. 849 00:52:17,217 --> 00:52:18,801 Are you eating? Want me to call you back? 850 00:52:18,969 --> 00:52:21,720 No, no, no, I'm fine. Tell me what you're freaking out about. 851 00:52:21,888 --> 00:52:26,308 Well, you know, I just... I think that, um, l... 852 00:52:26,476 --> 00:52:30,062 [STAMMERS] That somehow... Hey. Okay, stay with me here. 853 00:52:30,230 --> 00:52:33,065 I've been hanging out with Sebastian a lot over the last couple of weeks, 854 00:52:33,233 --> 00:52:37,736 and there's these similarities and coincidences that... 855 00:52:37,904 --> 00:52:40,865 I mean, I gotta run this stuff by Kassie. She's, uh... 856 00:52:41,032 --> 00:52:43,868 LEONARD: What's the matter? - Here comes the crazy. Somehow... 857 00:52:44,035 --> 00:52:47,329 - Yes? - It's like this kid is mine. 858 00:52:47,497 --> 00:52:51,625 - Like he's more me than the Viking. - The kid might be yours? 859 00:52:51,793 --> 00:52:53,752 Viking? 860 00:52:53,920 --> 00:52:57,089 I don't know why, vaguely, what you're saying... 861 00:52:57,257 --> 00:53:00,301 Hmm. Hmm. 862 00:53:00,468 --> 00:53:02,928 Where are you now? Come over here, why don't you? 863 00:53:03,096 --> 00:53:04,263 WALLY: Hang on. LEONARD: What? 864 00:53:04,431 --> 00:53:07,224 - Why wouldn't you tell me that before? - Because... Don't get mad at me. 865 00:53:07,392 --> 00:53:09,602 Because you never needed my help before this. 866 00:53:09,769 --> 00:53:12,646 I'm giving you everything I have. You know, this was seven years ago. 867 00:53:12,814 --> 00:53:14,940 You were so drunk and you were talking gibberish, 868 00:53:15,108 --> 00:53:18,694 and I didn't know that, uh, "trading Diane Sawyer to the Vikings" 869 00:53:18,862 --> 00:53:20,404 meant anything to anybody. 870 00:53:20,572 --> 00:53:24,950 - How...? What does that mean? - What does it mean? What...? 871 00:53:25,118 --> 00:53:28,537 Roland is the Viking, the Viking is Roland. Don't you see what that means? 872 00:53:28,705 --> 00:53:29,747 Who is Roland? 873 00:53:29,915 --> 00:53:31,916 Kassie's donor is Roland. Roland's the Viking. 874 00:53:32,083 --> 00:53:34,084 He's the donor. I'm sorry if I didn't tell you that. 875 00:53:34,252 --> 00:53:35,336 Okay, well, okay. 876 00:53:35,503 --> 00:53:39,381 So, what you're saying is that, um, he is the donor, 877 00:53:39,549 --> 00:53:41,300 and there was a trade made. 878 00:53:41,468 --> 00:53:43,802 - Yup. - Okay, uh, what kind of trade? 879 00:53:43,970 --> 00:53:46,263 - Who...? For who? Who? - Oh, my God, holy shit. 880 00:53:46,431 --> 00:53:50,684 I mean, you don't think that I could have...? That I? 881 00:53:50,852 --> 00:53:52,937 You're what? You're what? Help me out here. 882 00:53:53,104 --> 00:53:59,944 That I could have traded the Viking's ingredient for my... 883 00:54:02,572 --> 00:54:04,823 Uh-huh. Uh-huh. 884 00:54:04,991 --> 00:54:08,661 Wow. How would that have even occurred? Was there? 885 00:54:08,828 --> 00:54:12,122 I'm trying to picture it. Was there access to, uh, his ingredients? 886 00:54:12,290 --> 00:54:13,874 - I don't even know... - Was there access? 887 00:54:14,042 --> 00:54:15,876 I mean, I don't know, I... 888 00:54:18,713 --> 00:54:20,339 LEONARD: Uh-oh. 889 00:54:21,633 --> 00:54:24,510 Oh, jeez. I'm getting a bad feeling about this. 890 00:54:28,765 --> 00:54:32,559 - Yeah, I think that there was access. - Really? 891 00:54:32,978 --> 00:54:36,313 - Is it starting to come back? - Yeah, there was access. Oh, my God. 892 00:54:36,481 --> 00:54:40,192 - I don't like the way this is going. - Oh, my God, I got... 893 00:54:40,360 --> 00:54:43,570 I think I got Sawyer in the bathroom, I think. 894 00:54:43,738 --> 00:54:46,740 Because Kassie knows Diane Sawyer and invited her somehow? 895 00:54:46,908 --> 00:54:49,243 WALLY: Oh, my God. 896 00:54:51,538 --> 00:54:53,289 I switched it. 897 00:54:53,456 --> 00:54:57,918 L... Oh, that's... My God. You switched? Really? 898 00:54:58,086 --> 00:55:00,796 I hijacked Kassie's pregnancy? 899 00:55:01,673 --> 00:55:05,134 Oh, that's ill-advised. 900 00:55:05,343 --> 00:55:08,304 How do I not remember that? 901 00:55:08,471 --> 00:55:12,182 Well, because you were horribly drunk, you're a... 902 00:55:12,350 --> 00:55:13,934 You repress everything. 903 00:55:14,102 --> 00:55:16,645 You know, I've told you about hungry dogs in the cellar. 904 00:55:16,813 --> 00:55:18,814 If you don't feed them, you don't acknowledge them, 905 00:55:18,982 --> 00:55:22,026 at some point they're gonna get out somehow and do something unsavory. 906 00:55:22,193 --> 00:55:25,404 - Exhibit A. - My God, am I a horrible person? 907 00:55:25,572 --> 00:55:28,198 - No, no, no. - Oh, Leonard, I gotta go tell her. 908 00:55:28,366 --> 00:55:32,161 Oh, no, no, no. Telling Kassie? Oh, that's... Ay. 909 00:55:32,329 --> 00:55:34,788 Well, yes, but that's so challenging, so delicate. 910 00:55:34,956 --> 00:55:36,415 It's the right thing to do, Leonard. 911 00:55:36,583 --> 00:55:38,917 Yeah, maybe, but don't you wanna talk to a lawyer first? 912 00:55:39,085 --> 00:55:40,961 - There are... - Huh? No, no. No lawyer. 913 00:55:41,129 --> 00:55:44,256 - I gotta go tell her. - Yeah, okay, but before you go, though... 914 00:55:44,632 --> 00:55:48,886 - Okay. - Um, if this is true, gee, what great news. 915 00:55:49,054 --> 00:55:53,223 - Congratulations, you're a father. - That's not helpful. 916 00:55:55,018 --> 00:55:56,060 [KNOCKING ON DOOR] 917 00:56:00,148 --> 00:56:01,315 Hi, Wally. 918 00:56:04,903 --> 00:56:07,738 Hey, buddy. What are you doing awake? 919 00:56:07,906 --> 00:56:09,365 Insomnia. 920 00:56:10,450 --> 00:56:12,701 - Where's your mom? - In her bath. 921 00:56:12,869 --> 00:56:15,162 Mom, Wally's here! 922 00:56:15,330 --> 00:56:16,997 KASSIE: Uh, okay. 923 00:56:17,165 --> 00:56:18,207 [VARIOUS SPEAKERS ON TV] 924 00:56:18,375 --> 00:56:19,666 You can use them any... 925 00:56:19,834 --> 00:56:21,919 - McKay... ...money back... 926 00:56:22,420 --> 00:56:24,671 ...maxed out... ...or fun. 927 00:56:24,839 --> 00:56:26,048 ...until we... ...brand-new... 928 00:56:26,216 --> 00:56:27,508 - Visit your loc... ...cheetahs... 929 00:56:27,675 --> 00:56:29,343 - Fight for... - The cent... 930 00:56:29,511 --> 00:56:31,970 - Hey, what are you doing? - Watching TV. 931 00:56:32,138 --> 00:56:33,430 No, you're not, actually, 932 00:56:33,598 --> 00:56:35,974 you're just incessantly switching those channels. 933 00:56:36,142 --> 00:56:37,851 No, I'm watching all the shows at once. 934 00:56:38,019 --> 00:56:39,395 WALLY: Guess what. - Three big cats. 935 00:56:39,562 --> 00:56:40,729 - Hey, listen. - Hey. 936 00:56:40,897 --> 00:56:42,481 We're gonna have to do this better, okay? 937 00:56:42,649 --> 00:56:45,526 Because we're gonna be in each other's lives for a very long time. 938 00:56:45,693 --> 00:56:48,695 Why are we gonna be in each other's lives for a long time? 939 00:56:49,614 --> 00:56:52,574 Because, um, you know, I'm, uh... 940 00:56:52,742 --> 00:56:54,743 I'm your... I'm friends with your mother. 941 00:56:55,328 --> 00:56:58,163 Well, that doesn't mean you're friends with me. 942 00:56:58,331 --> 00:56:59,498 - So give me the clicker. - No. 943 00:56:59,666 --> 00:57:03,127 - No. - Yes. 944 00:57:03,294 --> 00:57:05,087 - No, Sebastian. No. - Yes. Yes. 945 00:57:05,255 --> 00:57:06,630 KASSIE: Wally. - Yes? 946 00:57:07,841 --> 00:57:11,051 - What are you doing? - I need to talk to you. 947 00:57:11,678 --> 00:57:13,220 Okay. 948 00:57:15,181 --> 00:57:16,807 Outside. 949 00:57:17,642 --> 00:57:19,184 Outs? 950 00:57:19,894 --> 00:57:21,478 I'll be right outside. 951 00:57:22,439 --> 00:57:23,856 - That is quite... - It's that easy. 952 00:57:25,525 --> 00:57:29,403 - All the way outside? - I think it's better. Just... Almost there. 953 00:57:29,863 --> 00:57:31,363 Um... 954 00:57:31,823 --> 00:57:34,867 So, uh, listen, I don't know how to say this, so I'm just... 955 00:57:35,034 --> 00:57:36,869 I'm gonna start, um... 956 00:57:37,495 --> 00:57:39,746 You're the most important person in my life. 957 00:57:39,914 --> 00:57:41,415 - Yeah. - Um... 958 00:57:42,792 --> 00:57:44,585 It's difficult. 959 00:57:45,545 --> 00:57:47,880 It's like the hardest thing I've ever had to say to anyone, 960 00:57:48,047 --> 00:57:51,633 okay, because you know that I would do anything for you, Kassie. 961 00:57:52,760 --> 00:57:55,888 We've known each other for such a long time, 962 00:57:56,055 --> 00:57:58,140 so the last thing I wanna do is lose you, okay, 963 00:57:58,308 --> 00:58:01,560 but just, some things have to be said, you know, 964 00:58:01,728 --> 00:58:04,813 even if they're uncomfortable... 965 00:58:04,981 --> 00:58:07,441 Stop, Wally. 966 00:58:08,401 --> 00:58:09,943 I think I know what you're gonna say. 967 00:58:10,111 --> 00:58:12,905 - I don't think you know. - Wally. 968 00:58:13,406 --> 00:58:15,491 Since I've been back... 969 00:58:15,658 --> 00:58:20,412 And we have known each other for such a long time. 970 00:58:20,830 --> 00:58:23,165 Clearly, we missed each other. 971 00:58:23,333 --> 00:58:26,043 I would be lying if I said I didn't realize 972 00:58:26,211 --> 00:58:31,381 that there was a definite, you know, energy between us. 973 00:58:31,966 --> 00:58:35,886 I mean, sometimes... You know, sometimes I feel it too. 974 00:58:37,138 --> 00:58:38,722 - Energy? - Yeah. 975 00:58:38,890 --> 00:58:42,434 I mean, that's what you're trying to tell me. 976 00:58:43,102 --> 00:58:48,315 That you have feelings for me. 977 00:58:50,276 --> 00:58:51,777 Right? 978 00:58:52,237 --> 00:58:54,696 Not exactly, but... 979 00:58:59,994 --> 00:59:03,121 Oh, my... Oh, my God. 980 00:59:04,332 --> 00:59:05,832 What? 981 00:59:06,292 --> 00:59:08,502 I'm... You know what? 982 00:59:09,587 --> 00:59:14,800 L... No, no. I'm just really... It's complicated, Wally. I'm like: 983 00:59:15,593 --> 00:59:18,136 Just work, and I'm sort of in this Roland thing, 984 00:59:18,304 --> 00:59:19,346 so I'm not, you know... 985 00:59:19,514 --> 00:59:21,848 WALLY: Huh? - L... I'm sorry. Ha, ha. 986 00:59:22,016 --> 00:59:23,308 - What? - I don't... You know what? 987 00:59:23,476 --> 00:59:26,645 Let's just say good night. Let's "good night" it. 988 00:59:26,813 --> 00:59:31,108 And, um, again, I'm sorry, and I just... You get it. 989 00:59:31,276 --> 00:59:32,859 You get it. 990 00:59:33,027 --> 00:59:34,528 Ouch. 991 00:59:38,241 --> 00:59:39,783 Great. 992 00:59:42,078 --> 00:59:45,664 - Sebastian, please open the door. SEBASTIAN [ON INTERCOM]: No. 993 00:59:45,832 --> 00:59:48,125 - Roland thing? - Oh, such a... Not a good time. 994 00:59:48,293 --> 00:59:49,459 Not a good time. 995 00:59:49,919 --> 00:59:51,878 - Sebastian. - What Roland thing? 996 00:59:53,798 --> 00:59:56,049 We've just been spending some time together. 997 00:59:57,302 --> 00:59:59,845 Is it like dating? 998 01:00:00,346 --> 01:00:03,223 - L... Yeah, I guess. I... - Has he met Sebastian? 999 01:00:03,391 --> 01:00:04,516 Shh. 1000 01:00:04,684 --> 01:00:06,393 - Does Sebastian know...? - No. 1001 01:00:07,020 --> 01:00:10,355 I've set specific rules. 1002 01:00:10,523 --> 01:00:12,441 Sebastian just doesn't like when I'm with anybody. 1003 01:00:12,609 --> 01:00:14,109 That's why he's doing this. Sebastian. 1004 01:00:14,277 --> 01:00:15,444 [DOOR BUZZES] 1005 01:00:15,612 --> 01:00:17,362 - Where did Roland take you? - A reading. 1006 01:00:17,530 --> 01:00:19,406 - Like a book reading? - Would you please? 1007 01:00:19,574 --> 01:00:21,700 - What was the reading about? - It was about a kayak. 1008 01:00:21,868 --> 01:00:23,035 - A kayak? - Sebastian! 1009 01:00:23,202 --> 01:00:25,329 - Sounds like a great date. - Open this door right now. 1010 01:00:25,496 --> 01:00:27,456 SEBASTIAN: Open it yourself. 1011 01:00:28,166 --> 01:00:31,877 - What? - You both are driving me crazy. 1012 01:00:37,216 --> 01:00:38,884 She's mad. 1013 01:00:45,350 --> 01:00:47,809 She's got a boyfriend. 1014 01:00:48,936 --> 01:00:51,021 A few dates don't make a boyfriend. 1015 01:00:52,649 --> 01:00:54,107 I'm 6, by the way. 1016 01:00:55,234 --> 01:00:58,278 - What's that? - You told the lady on the bus I was 5. 1017 01:00:58,446 --> 01:01:02,491 I'm not, I'm 6. My birthday's soon. 1018 01:01:05,995 --> 01:01:08,246 Are you still going to come to my party? 1019 01:01:13,628 --> 01:01:15,921 Yeah, Sebastian, I'm gonna be there. 1020 01:01:18,675 --> 01:01:20,258 [ROCK MUSIC PLAYING ON SPEAKERS] 1021 01:01:20,426 --> 01:01:23,095 [PEOPLE SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY] 1022 01:01:23,262 --> 01:01:25,639 [CHILDREN YELLING AND CHATTERING] 1023 01:01:27,433 --> 01:01:28,475 MAN 1: Are you ready? 1024 01:01:28,643 --> 01:01:30,769 MAN 2: Don't worry, I got you. MAN 1: Feels good, huh? 1025 01:01:30,937 --> 01:01:33,522 KASSIE: Yeah, so go get your sneakers on and go climb that wall. 1026 01:01:33,690 --> 01:01:35,107 - It should be fun. WALLY: Hey. 1027 01:01:35,274 --> 01:01:36,316 MAN 3: Let's go, sweetheart. 1028 01:01:36,484 --> 01:01:38,110 - Hi. - Hey. 1029 01:01:38,277 --> 01:01:39,319 - How are you? - Good. 1030 01:01:41,072 --> 01:01:45,200 Um, can we talk about the other night? Uh, I haven't been able to sleep. 1031 01:01:45,368 --> 01:01:46,660 The energy thing. 1032 01:01:46,828 --> 01:01:48,412 Wally, can we please just forget that? 1033 01:01:48,579 --> 01:01:52,541 I definitely think it's worth talking about because it's certainly something that... 1034 01:01:52,709 --> 01:01:54,126 - Hi. - Now, that's a party. 1035 01:01:54,293 --> 01:01:55,502 [ROLAND CHUCKLES] 1036 01:01:55,670 --> 01:01:57,421 Who says a small wall can't be invigorating? 1037 01:01:57,588 --> 01:01:58,630 KASSIE: I don't know. 1038 01:01:59,340 --> 01:02:01,174 - I was just... - Wally, do you remember Roland? 1039 01:02:01,592 --> 01:02:03,885 - Baba ganoush. - Baba ganoush? 1040 01:02:04,053 --> 01:02:06,221 You had baba ganoush all over your shirt. 1041 01:02:06,389 --> 01:02:08,932 Kassie's party a few years back. You were hysterical. Ha, ha. 1042 01:02:09,559 --> 01:02:12,060 Yeah. What a memory. 1043 01:02:12,228 --> 01:02:13,687 - Thank you. - Hey, where's Sebastian? 1044 01:02:13,855 --> 01:02:16,648 - I wanna give him this gift. - He's right over there. 1045 01:02:16,816 --> 01:02:19,151 - Put it on. Seriously. - No. 1046 01:02:19,819 --> 01:02:21,945 - Let me take that for you. - That's okay, I got this. 1047 01:02:22,113 --> 01:02:24,531 No, come on, I'll put it with the rest of the other gifts. 1048 01:02:24,699 --> 01:02:26,283 - Okay, you got it now. ROLAND: Great. 1049 01:02:27,034 --> 01:02:30,203 - All right, gifts ahoy. - Roland's here. 1050 01:02:30,371 --> 01:02:31,997 - Yeah. So... - And in charge of the gifts. 1051 01:02:32,165 --> 01:02:34,374 - And what have you got on today? - What? 1052 01:02:34,542 --> 01:02:36,126 - It's a rock-climbing outfit. - Is it? 1053 01:02:36,294 --> 01:02:38,503 Yeah, Roland got it for me because it was... 1054 01:02:38,671 --> 01:02:40,380 Listen, come on, be nice. 1055 01:02:40,548 --> 01:02:43,216 Pretty aerodynamic. Lot of wind up there? 1056 01:02:43,718 --> 01:02:45,761 - Can you...? Never mind. ROLAND: Fantastic, okay. 1057 01:02:45,928 --> 01:02:48,138 - I don't wanna climb the wall. - What? 1058 01:02:48,306 --> 01:02:52,726 - No, but I promise you it's gonna be fun. - I don't think so. 1059 01:02:52,894 --> 01:02:55,395 Sebastian, the whole reason we're having your party here 1060 01:02:55,563 --> 01:02:57,522 is to climb the wall. 1061 01:02:57,690 --> 01:02:59,900 We don't want the wall to go to waste, now, do we? 1062 01:03:00,902 --> 01:03:02,194 You feeling it? 1063 01:03:02,361 --> 01:03:05,489 So where did Sebastian really wanna throw his party? 1064 01:03:05,656 --> 01:03:07,240 A kill shelter. 1065 01:03:07,950 --> 01:03:08,992 A kill shelter? 1066 01:03:09,160 --> 01:03:12,537 It's like a last-stop dog shelter before they, you know. 1067 01:03:12,705 --> 01:03:15,791 Anyway, and he thought it would compel people to save dogs, but... 1068 01:03:15,958 --> 01:03:17,709 - Smart. - But this is good for him, you know? 1069 01:03:17,877 --> 01:03:20,712 - Because it gets him active and athletic. SEBASTIAN: It's too high! No! 1070 01:03:20,880 --> 01:03:22,547 WALLY: I get it. - What is he doing? 1071 01:03:23,299 --> 01:03:26,343 SEBASTIAN: Get me down! - Sebastian, that's too high. 1072 01:03:26,511 --> 01:03:27,594 - Mom! - He's up too high. 1073 01:03:27,762 --> 01:03:29,930 Just let go of the wall, man, the harness will hold you. 1074 01:03:30,097 --> 01:03:31,640 KASSIE: Just do what he says and let go. 1075 01:03:31,808 --> 01:03:36,019 - What if it breaks? - The most important thing is to have fun. 1076 01:03:36,395 --> 01:03:38,271 - Yes. - I don't want to. 1077 01:03:38,439 --> 01:03:41,733 Sebastian, you're gonna be okay, pal. Just count to three and let go. 1078 01:03:41,901 --> 01:03:43,235 SEBASTIAN: I'm scared. 1079 01:03:44,779 --> 01:03:46,404 I got this. 1080 01:03:46,572 --> 01:03:48,573 I'm coming, buddy. All right. 1081 01:03:48,741 --> 01:03:52,202 TRAINER: It's not Everest, chief, relax. ROLAND: I got it, guys. 1082 01:03:52,370 --> 01:03:53,870 - Yeah. - Get away from me. 1083 01:03:54,038 --> 01:03:55,080 ROLAND: I'm gonna get you. 1084 01:03:55,248 --> 01:03:56,498 - No. - I'll take you down, okay? 1085 01:03:56,666 --> 01:03:58,375 SEBASTIAN: Stop. ROLAND: I'm gonna help you. 1086 01:03:58,543 --> 01:04:01,711 - I got him. - Let go of me, you big monkey. 1087 01:04:01,879 --> 01:04:03,380 Let me go. 1088 01:04:03,548 --> 01:04:04,589 [PEOPLE CLAPPING] 1089 01:04:04,757 --> 01:04:05,757 - Stop. - Hold on. 1090 01:04:05,925 --> 01:04:09,928 I hate that stupid wall. And this is the worst birthday party ever. 1091 01:04:11,097 --> 01:04:14,850 - Mommy, I don't wanna be here. - Oh, baby, I'm sorry. Are you okay? 1092 01:04:15,393 --> 01:04:17,060 You're fine. 1093 01:04:17,228 --> 01:04:20,438 You're all right. You're okay. I'm sorry. 1094 01:04:23,067 --> 01:04:24,526 It's okay. All right, don't worry. 1095 01:04:24,694 --> 01:04:27,070 Come on, honey, let's go... Let's go wash you up. 1096 01:04:32,618 --> 01:04:37,080 Boy, that was an unfortunate one for you, but he'll be all right, you know? 1097 01:04:37,248 --> 01:04:40,458 Yeah. 1098 01:04:40,960 --> 01:04:42,961 Hey, I don't know you very well. 1099 01:04:43,129 --> 01:04:45,547 What do you say we get a drink after this? 1100 01:04:46,841 --> 01:04:49,342 - Um... - All right. 1101 01:04:53,472 --> 01:04:56,600 Oh, it's just the most beautiful place on Earth. 1102 01:04:56,767 --> 01:05:00,020 - Have you ever been to Michigan, Wally? - I went to Detroit for a meeting. 1103 01:05:00,187 --> 01:05:02,188 Oh. I'm talking about the upper peninsula. 1104 01:05:02,356 --> 01:05:04,274 I've got a little cabin there on Neebish Island. 1105 01:05:04,442 --> 01:05:06,651 Been in the family for 30 years. 1106 01:05:06,819 --> 01:05:10,071 I'm thinking of taking Kassie there. I know it's early, but I'm really feeling it. 1107 01:05:10,239 --> 01:05:12,657 I mean, what do you think? You want another beer? 1108 01:05:13,034 --> 01:05:14,200 No, no, no, thank you. 1109 01:05:14,368 --> 01:05:16,953 - You sure? - Yeah, and I do have to go. 1110 01:05:17,121 --> 01:05:21,249 Uh, you know, hey, listen, I'm so happy, uh, that we did this. 1111 01:05:21,417 --> 01:05:22,918 The kid hates me, Wally. 1112 01:05:24,629 --> 01:05:29,382 No, no, no. No, I don't think, uh, Sebastian hates you. 1113 01:05:29,550 --> 01:05:32,135 No, no, he does. He's told me a couple times. 1114 01:05:32,511 --> 01:05:34,262 Oh, well, um... 1115 01:05:35,014 --> 01:05:38,224 It's just, oh, man, he's got some, uh... 1116 01:05:39,435 --> 01:05:41,603 - Rough edges? - Yeah, that's it, yeah. I mean, he's... 1117 01:05:41,771 --> 01:05:45,565 He worries a lot, he questions everything. He's really... 1118 01:05:45,733 --> 01:05:47,901 - Neurotic? - Yes, that's the word. 1119 01:05:48,069 --> 01:05:49,861 So, what's the problem? 1120 01:05:51,113 --> 01:05:53,406 Well, I don't really relate to that. 1121 01:05:53,574 --> 01:05:54,866 Well... 1122 01:05:57,828 --> 01:06:01,539 Neurotic is simply an intense form of introspection, okay? 1123 01:06:01,707 --> 01:06:03,500 So you're basically calling him introspective, 1124 01:06:03,668 --> 01:06:05,585 and being introspective is good, okay? 1125 01:06:05,753 --> 01:06:09,214 It's walking around with an opinion, with a point of view, 1126 01:06:09,382 --> 01:06:12,425 - with some sort of nice kind of direction. - Yeah, yeah. You've got it too. 1127 01:06:12,593 --> 01:06:15,136 - What are you talking about? - Yeah, those rough edges. 1128 01:06:15,304 --> 01:06:17,222 I mean, don't get me wrong, it's beautiful. 1129 01:06:17,807 --> 01:06:20,725 Thanks. Hey, what's not beautiful to you? You know? 1130 01:06:20,893 --> 01:06:25,522 See? You did it again. That's it, you got that focus. 1131 01:06:25,690 --> 01:06:29,651 But that's how we're alike, Wally, we're both determined. 1132 01:06:29,819 --> 01:06:33,822 Sebastian may be, uh, resistant to me now, but I'll get through. 1133 01:06:33,990 --> 01:06:37,033 Life throws you curveballs, that's for sure, right? 1134 01:06:37,201 --> 01:06:39,494 I mean, a few months ago, I was planning on having children 1135 01:06:39,662 --> 01:06:41,871 with a woman who I'm pretty sure I'll never see again. 1136 01:06:43,040 --> 01:06:44,457 A few months ago? 1137 01:06:44,625 --> 01:06:46,001 - Yep. - That's it, huh? 1138 01:06:46,168 --> 01:06:49,587 And now I'm crazy about a woman who paid me for my sperm. 1139 01:06:50,715 --> 01:06:52,340 How about that curveball? 1140 01:06:52,800 --> 01:06:54,217 Bam! 1141 01:06:54,927 --> 01:06:58,430 Sebastian's gonna get through this. We're gonna lick this thing. 1142 01:06:58,597 --> 01:07:02,767 He doesn't need to have this dark cloud hanging over his head. 1143 01:07:02,935 --> 01:07:04,519 What do you think, you want another beer? 1144 01:07:04,687 --> 01:07:06,771 WALLY: Oh, the guy was just... He just would not stop. 1145 01:07:06,939 --> 01:07:08,606 He just kept going and talking and talking. 1146 01:07:08,774 --> 01:07:11,860 You know, he thinks that it's his kid. He thinks that he's my best friend. 1147 01:07:12,028 --> 01:07:15,447 Wants me to give him advice on how to be a better father to my son, you know? 1148 01:07:15,614 --> 01:07:17,365 It's just like a nightmare. He's e-mailing me. 1149 01:07:17,533 --> 01:07:20,243 He's smiling at me all the time. He's hitting me with the big teeth. 1150 01:07:20,411 --> 01:07:22,620 - Wants me to go fly-fishing with him. - Yeah, and why...? 1151 01:07:22,788 --> 01:07:24,247 I don't understand. Why are we here? 1152 01:07:24,415 --> 01:07:27,333 Because I gotta exchange this frame. Sebastian wants one from the new line. 1153 01:07:27,501 --> 01:07:30,628 - It's a sterling-silver 5-by-7. - Oh, I see. 1154 01:07:30,796 --> 01:07:33,423 Well, that's so nice that you're taking an interest in his hobbies, 1155 01:07:33,591 --> 01:07:36,342 but, um, listen, I think the first order of business 1156 01:07:36,510 --> 01:07:38,470 is for you to take care of this thing with Kassie. 1157 01:07:38,637 --> 01:07:40,263 Why are we waiting? Why the wait? 1158 01:07:40,431 --> 01:07:42,766 Please, I know that, all right? I've been trying to do that. 1159 01:07:42,933 --> 01:07:45,602 - But everything is all turned around now. - Turned around? 1160 01:07:46,437 --> 01:07:49,105 I'm turned around. 1161 01:07:49,273 --> 01:07:52,442 That night, she said she thought we had energy. 1162 01:07:52,610 --> 01:07:55,653 Ooh. That's a new twist. Never heard that before. 1163 01:07:55,821 --> 01:07:56,821 It was very weird though. 1164 01:07:56,989 --> 01:07:58,990 Her mouth is saying she's spending time with Roland, 1165 01:07:59,158 --> 01:08:00,867 but her eyes are screaming, "Save me!" 1166 01:08:01,035 --> 01:08:03,661 Ah. So go with that. Go with the eyes. 1167 01:08:03,829 --> 01:08:07,665 And now I think that I have feelings for her. 1168 01:08:08,709 --> 01:08:12,378 Really? You think so? It's only been, uh, 13 years. 1169 01:08:12,880 --> 01:08:15,215 Please, I know you've been saying that for a very long time. 1170 01:08:15,382 --> 01:08:17,842 - Now I'm finally saying it. - Well, this is all good news. 1171 01:08:18,010 --> 01:08:20,303 That's just... You're in love with the mother of your child. 1172 01:08:20,471 --> 01:08:21,930 Meanwhile, she's falling for Roland. 1173 01:08:22,098 --> 01:08:24,891 And I know that I could save all of this by just telling her the truth, 1174 01:08:25,059 --> 01:08:27,894 but if I do that, I lose everything, right? 1175 01:08:29,355 --> 01:08:31,189 And if you don't? 1176 01:08:31,732 --> 01:08:34,859 Then I'll never be more than Uncle Wally. 1177 01:08:36,070 --> 01:08:37,195 That's no good. 1178 01:08:37,363 --> 01:08:39,072 WALLY: Hi, excuse me. - Yes? 1179 01:08:39,240 --> 01:08:41,991 This is old, this is new. I'd like this instead of this. 1180 01:08:42,159 --> 01:08:43,159 - Yes? - Okay. 1181 01:08:52,378 --> 01:08:54,295 WALLY: Clearly, the assets in that fund were not... 1182 01:08:54,463 --> 01:08:55,505 [CELL PHONE RINGING] 1183 01:08:55,673 --> 01:08:56,798 Hang on. 1184 01:08:56,966 --> 01:08:59,384 I gotta take this. Sorry, hold on. 1185 01:09:00,052 --> 01:09:01,344 - Hello? KASSIE [ON PHONE]: Wally? 1186 01:09:01,512 --> 01:09:03,638 WALLY: Hi. - Oh, thank God you picked up. Okay. 1187 01:09:03,806 --> 01:09:08,685 - I'm in Michigan, and, um... - Oh, at, uh, Camp Roland, huh? 1188 01:09:08,853 --> 01:09:12,480 Uh, yes, Wally, I'm with Roland. He's got a cabin up here. 1189 01:09:12,648 --> 01:09:14,399 WALLY: Been in the family for 30 years. 1190 01:09:14,567 --> 01:09:17,360 Yeah, yeah, it has been. How do you know that? 1191 01:09:17,528 --> 01:09:20,947 - He told me. - I didn't know that you guys, uh, spoke. 1192 01:09:21,115 --> 01:09:23,533 - Yeah, we're very, very close. - Oh. Um... 1193 01:09:23,701 --> 01:09:25,577 [PHONE CLANGS AND BUZZES] 1194 01:09:25,744 --> 01:09:28,496 - What was that buzzing noise? - I have to feed the phone. 1195 01:09:28,664 --> 01:09:32,208 - They don't have cell service up there? - Well, apparently not on this island. 1196 01:09:32,376 --> 01:09:36,421 So, Wally, Sebastian wanted to go and spend the weekend with Liam. 1197 01:09:36,589 --> 01:09:39,507 And since he's been having some trouble making friends, I let him do it. 1198 01:09:39,675 --> 01:09:44,596 But then Liam's mom called me and told me that Sebastian has lice. 1199 01:09:44,763 --> 01:09:47,682 - Lice? - Calm down, Wally, it's lice. 1200 01:09:47,850 --> 01:09:49,267 I did not say leprosy, okay? 1201 01:09:49,435 --> 01:09:53,313 Would you please not Wally this into a situation worse than it already is? 1202 01:09:53,480 --> 01:09:55,523 Hang on, did you just use my name as a verb? 1203 01:09:55,691 --> 01:09:58,484 Yeah, yeah, I did. I do that sometimes. 1204 01:09:58,652 --> 01:10:01,029 Listen, Wally, can you please, please help me out? 1205 01:10:01,197 --> 01:10:04,657 I trust you, and you're the only person currently in New York City 1206 01:10:04,825 --> 01:10:06,201 that he can stand. 1207 01:10:06,368 --> 01:10:08,369 I've been beating myself up about this entire thing. 1208 01:10:08,537 --> 01:10:10,788 I have a... I'm out the first flight tomorrow. 1209 01:10:10,956 --> 01:10:12,832 There's no flights tonight, so I really... 1210 01:10:13,000 --> 01:10:14,709 - You know, I'm... - Okay, all right. Enough. 1211 01:10:14,877 --> 01:10:17,003 I pick him up, I take him to the emergency room? 1212 01:10:17,171 --> 01:10:19,172 You don't take him to the emergency room. It's lice. 1213 01:10:19,340 --> 01:10:22,800 Okay, so your place and just plant him in front of the TV? 1214 01:10:22,968 --> 01:10:25,136 - What do you want from me? - Yeah, that would be great. 1215 01:10:25,304 --> 01:10:28,473 But there's a couple more things that you're gonna have to do before that, okay? 1216 01:10:28,641 --> 01:10:31,267 Do you, um? Do you have a pen? 1217 01:10:40,611 --> 01:10:42,987 WALLY: All right, don't move, I'll be right back. 1218 01:10:52,998 --> 01:10:55,458 KASSIE: After you've picked up Sebastian, stop at Duane Reade. 1219 01:10:55,626 --> 01:10:56,918 There's one on our corner. 1220 01:10:57,086 --> 01:11:02,507 Buy a box of heavy-duty garbage bags, shower caps, and the lice medicine. 1221 01:11:02,675 --> 01:11:04,634 The doctor already called in a prescription. 1222 01:11:04,802 --> 01:11:06,177 Here we go, Aisle 10. Where is it? 1223 01:11:06,345 --> 01:11:09,013 There we go, there's the Tide, where's the trash bags? 1224 01:11:09,181 --> 01:11:11,349 - Trash bags are right there. - There we go. 1225 01:11:11,517 --> 01:11:13,851 Yellow drawstring. Boom. 1226 01:11:14,019 --> 01:11:15,395 KASSIE: When you get to my place, 1227 01:11:16,021 --> 01:11:19,023 stuff all of his clothes in a trash bag while he gets in the tub. 1228 01:11:19,191 --> 01:11:21,943 Here we go. All right, arms up, arms up. There we go. 1229 01:11:22,111 --> 01:11:25,238 And now I'll get you to sit down over here. We're gonna take off your pants. 1230 01:11:25,406 --> 01:11:30,159 Okay, real good, there we go. And now let's get in the bathroom. 1231 01:11:32,037 --> 01:11:35,164 KASSIE: Make sure he keeps the stuff on his head for only ten minutes. 1232 01:11:35,332 --> 01:11:39,252 And whatever you do, don't get it in his eyes. 1233 01:11:39,420 --> 01:11:40,461 And while he's doing that, 1234 01:11:40,629 --> 01:11:43,256 you can strip both beds of pillowcases, comforters and sheets. 1235 01:11:43,424 --> 01:11:46,592 All right, we just gotta get these few little things in here, please. 1236 01:11:46,760 --> 01:11:50,722 And let me get this. And I'll see you in a minute, okay? 1237 01:11:50,889 --> 01:11:53,641 KASSIE: And then bag up all of the throw pillows and stuffed animals. 1238 01:11:53,809 --> 01:11:58,688 Make sure those bags are shut airtight so those lice will suffocate. 1239 01:11:58,856 --> 01:12:01,524 And throw everything in the wash at the hottest temperature. 1240 01:12:01,692 --> 01:12:03,109 WALLY: Pass me the detergent, please. 1241 01:12:03,277 --> 01:12:05,820 WALLY [ON PHONE]: This is not enough steps. Can we add some more? 1242 01:12:05,988 --> 01:12:08,072 Please just let me shave his head and be done with it. 1243 01:12:08,240 --> 01:12:10,033 KASSIE: Wally. WALLY: Okay, okay. 1244 01:12:10,200 --> 01:12:14,829 KASSIE: But whatever you do, Wally, try not to make a big deal out of it. 1245 01:12:15,331 --> 01:12:18,082 And make sure to follow the instructions and wash his hair. 1246 01:12:22,046 --> 01:12:25,548 Everything okay? You all right? Are you doing okay? 1247 01:12:27,509 --> 01:12:31,054 KASSIE: Oh, and just one more thing, and it's sort of the worst part. 1248 01:12:33,265 --> 01:12:35,475 There's this little comb. 1249 01:12:35,642 --> 01:12:39,020 WALLY: Oh, my God, this cannot be happening. 1250 01:12:39,688 --> 01:12:40,730 - What? - No, no, no. 1251 01:12:40,898 --> 01:12:44,817 Just keep looking that way, pal. Nothing's going on. Everything's good. 1252 01:12:46,153 --> 01:12:47,779 [WALLY GROANS] 1253 01:12:48,739 --> 01:12:52,408 Are they everywhere? Are they climbing all over my head? 1254 01:12:52,576 --> 01:12:53,910 Huh? No, they're fine. 1255 01:12:54,078 --> 01:12:57,330 They're absolute... You're fine. Everything's okay. 1256 01:12:57,498 --> 01:12:58,623 Are you gonna throw up? 1257 01:12:58,791 --> 01:13:01,459 No, I'm not gonna throw up. I'm busy killing lice. 1258 01:13:02,086 --> 01:13:05,838 SEBASTIAN: Did you find some? - I think so. 1259 01:13:06,465 --> 01:13:08,132 I got them. 1260 01:13:13,347 --> 01:13:16,432 WALLY: All right, hot out of the dryer. 1261 01:13:16,600 --> 01:13:20,436 I think we are now officially deliced. 1262 01:13:20,604 --> 01:13:23,398 Or "-loused," right? "Deloused"? 1263 01:13:23,565 --> 01:13:26,275 Whatever it is, we're down to DEFCON 1. 1264 01:13:26,652 --> 01:13:30,530 Or is it 5? Can never figure out which way that goes. 1265 01:13:30,697 --> 01:13:32,240 All right, good night. 1266 01:13:34,785 --> 01:13:37,245 Sweet dreams, okay? 1267 01:13:38,872 --> 01:13:40,873 This is your collection, right? Huh? 1268 01:13:45,045 --> 01:13:47,922 Why don't you wanna use any of these frames? 1269 01:13:48,632 --> 01:13:51,300 Why does everyone ask me that? 1270 01:13:52,970 --> 01:13:55,847 Because, you know, people like to put their own pictures 1271 01:13:56,014 --> 01:13:57,849 inside their frames. 1272 01:13:59,393 --> 01:14:01,561 But they already have pictures in them. 1273 01:14:01,728 --> 01:14:03,729 That's true, but you don't know any of these people. 1274 01:14:03,897 --> 01:14:05,314 SEBASTIAN: Sure I do. 1275 01:14:05,858 --> 01:14:10,820 See, like these people. This is the Owen family. 1276 01:14:10,988 --> 01:14:15,241 That's Mr. And Mrs. Owen, and those are their two kids. 1277 01:14:16,201 --> 01:14:18,536 He studies volcanoes, 1278 01:14:18,704 --> 01:14:25,585 and Mrs. Owen used to work for a place that sells heart medicines for pets. 1279 01:14:26,336 --> 01:14:27,879 WALLY: Mm-hm. 1280 01:14:28,338 --> 01:14:30,423 Well, that's funny, because Mr. And Mrs. Owen 1281 01:14:30,591 --> 01:14:32,967 look like third-rate stock-photography models to me. 1282 01:14:34,761 --> 01:14:36,262 That's my grandfather. 1283 01:14:39,766 --> 01:14:41,642 - Which one, right here? - Yeah. 1284 01:14:41,810 --> 01:14:43,519 This guy? 1285 01:14:44,938 --> 01:14:46,898 He's my father's dad. 1286 01:14:47,691 --> 01:14:49,317 He owns a boat. 1287 01:14:49,485 --> 01:14:53,446 He takes it out every day to go fishing for sharks. 1288 01:14:54,114 --> 01:14:56,240 And he knows a lot. 1289 01:14:56,658 --> 01:14:58,242 [YAWNS] 1290 01:14:58,619 --> 01:15:01,829 Did you know that sharks don't have bones? 1291 01:15:01,997 --> 01:15:04,415 No, but I do now. 1292 01:15:06,376 --> 01:15:08,044 That's my Uncle Rick. 1293 01:15:08,754 --> 01:15:11,047 He's my father's younger brother. 1294 01:15:11,215 --> 01:15:13,925 - This guy here? - Yeah. 1295 01:15:15,928 --> 01:15:19,013 He got me an iPod for my birthday. 1296 01:15:19,556 --> 01:15:25,269 But I think he stole it from somebody because it already had music on it. 1297 01:15:29,399 --> 01:15:31,609 What's your dad's family like? 1298 01:15:32,528 --> 01:15:35,404 I don't know. I never met them. 1299 01:15:36,198 --> 01:15:37,490 Why not? 1300 01:15:38,700 --> 01:15:40,952 My father left when I was... 1301 01:15:41,161 --> 01:15:43,538 When I was pretty young. 1302 01:16:12,651 --> 01:16:14,819 You can keep it. 1303 01:16:27,583 --> 01:16:29,375 WALLY: Sweet dreams. 1304 01:16:33,630 --> 01:16:34,964 [DOOR CLOSES] 1305 01:16:38,176 --> 01:16:40,344 See, now, I think you put too much flour in that, right? 1306 01:16:40,512 --> 01:16:43,389 What you've got there is like a... It's more like a paste, right? 1307 01:16:43,557 --> 01:16:45,391 I mean, we could spackle these walls with that. 1308 01:16:45,559 --> 01:16:47,810 I think you need to put a little bit more water in that. 1309 01:16:47,978 --> 01:16:49,020 - All right? - Okay. 1310 01:16:49,187 --> 01:16:51,022 Let's think of something else for the pancakes. 1311 01:16:51,189 --> 01:16:52,189 [DOOR OPENS THEN CLOSES] 1312 01:16:52,357 --> 01:16:53,649 What about, um, chocolate chips? 1313 01:16:53,817 --> 01:16:56,527 Your mom got any of those? Or what about peanut butter? 1314 01:16:56,695 --> 01:16:58,029 SEBASTIAN: Maybe. WALLY: Or cheese. 1315 01:16:58,196 --> 01:16:59,864 Let's go the other way with it, right? 1316 01:17:00,032 --> 01:17:02,325 Let's make it a little bit more of a lunch pancake, right? 1317 01:17:02,492 --> 01:17:05,828 - Why not? You like cheese? - Let's put lice in the batter. 1318 01:17:06,288 --> 01:17:09,874 What is so funny to you about the concept of eating your lice? 1319 01:17:10,042 --> 01:17:12,793 - I don't know, it's just funny. - Are you looking for texture? 1320 01:17:12,961 --> 01:17:15,880 If we burn them, you get a little crunch. Keep your lice out of it. 1321 01:17:16,048 --> 01:17:17,923 - Hi, hey. KASSIE: Hello. 1322 01:17:18,091 --> 01:17:21,761 - Mommy, I wanna show you the dead lice. KASSIE: Come here, let me see that. 1323 01:17:22,220 --> 01:17:23,596 - Come here. SEBASTIAN: You're home. 1324 01:17:23,764 --> 01:17:25,514 What do you have in that jar? Lice? 1325 01:17:25,682 --> 01:17:26,849 - Lice. - Are you kidding me? 1326 01:17:27,017 --> 01:17:30,895 - Wally hunted them and killed them all. - Let me see. I'm so sorry I wasn't here. 1327 01:17:31,063 --> 01:17:33,356 - Is it all out? - Yeah. 1328 01:17:33,899 --> 01:17:34,899 - Oh, I love you. - Me too. 1329 01:17:35,067 --> 01:17:37,568 I'm gonna take the dead lice to watch TV. 1330 01:17:37,736 --> 01:17:38,903 That's a cute look. 1331 01:17:39,738 --> 01:17:41,781 Oh, this is, um... 1332 01:17:42,407 --> 01:17:45,076 I was starting to feel itchy, so I used a little bit of the shampoo. 1333 01:17:45,494 --> 01:17:47,078 You don't have lice. 1334 01:17:47,829 --> 01:17:51,749 - Uh, I could. I could actually have lice. - You don't have lice. 1335 01:17:51,917 --> 01:17:55,628 And I really thank you. I appreciate you taking care of all this. 1336 01:17:55,796 --> 01:17:58,172 - Thanks for taking care of him. - Yeah, you're welcome. 1337 01:17:58,340 --> 01:18:00,883 - How was that weekend? - It was good. 1338 01:18:01,051 --> 01:18:05,137 It was good. It was really beautiful. It's quiet, it's on the lake and... 1339 01:18:05,305 --> 01:18:07,723 You know, his grandfather actually built the cabin 1340 01:18:07,891 --> 01:18:09,934 from logs that they milled on the property, and so... 1341 01:18:10,102 --> 01:18:11,727 [SNORES] 1342 01:18:13,021 --> 01:18:17,066 And we're gonna go, I think, in like two weeks, take Sebastian. 1343 01:18:18,985 --> 01:18:20,653 Really? That's... 1344 01:18:20,821 --> 01:18:22,905 - It's getting serious, huh? - Yeah. 1345 01:18:24,199 --> 01:18:28,828 We're actually, um, thinking about moving in together. 1346 01:18:31,623 --> 01:18:33,582 That's... 1347 01:18:33,750 --> 01:18:36,335 I mean, you know, Kassie, I... 1348 01:18:36,503 --> 01:18:38,921 - That's a mistake. I think that this guy... - No, don't. 1349 01:18:39,089 --> 01:18:40,506 - Is a mistake. 1350 01:18:40,674 --> 01:18:42,550 Don't do this. Don't ruin this for me. 1351 01:18:42,718 --> 01:18:43,884 - Hang on. - No. 1352 01:18:44,052 --> 01:18:45,553 Kassie. 1353 01:18:46,138 --> 01:18:48,973 Come on, look, he started the year married to someone else. 1354 01:18:49,141 --> 01:18:51,475 Look, he's obviously going through some kind of crap, 1355 01:18:51,643 --> 01:18:52,935 and maybe he doesn't realize it, 1356 01:18:53,103 --> 01:18:56,188 but it looks like he might be using you and Sebastian to cushion the blow. 1357 01:18:56,356 --> 01:19:00,818 You know that I actually thought for a brief second that you changed? 1358 01:19:00,986 --> 01:19:02,153 But you haven't. 1359 01:19:02,320 --> 01:19:06,073 I'm trying to move forward with my life, and you are exactly the same. 1360 01:19:06,241 --> 01:19:08,617 The truth is, I'm actually happy. 1361 01:19:08,785 --> 01:19:11,537 - Are you? - Yes. 1362 01:19:12,289 --> 01:19:17,042 Roland is a really good guy, all right? He's supp... You know what? 1363 01:19:17,210 --> 01:19:19,503 Just because you've never taken a risk in your entire life 1364 01:19:19,671 --> 01:19:21,297 doesn't mean you have to rip apart mine. 1365 01:19:22,424 --> 01:19:25,426 At least I'm trying to let somebody in. 1366 01:19:25,594 --> 01:19:27,595 You should try it sometime. 1367 01:19:27,763 --> 01:19:33,017 I mean, unless you have something else that you would like to say to me. 1368 01:19:34,686 --> 01:19:35,895 Wally? 1369 01:19:37,773 --> 01:19:39,690 Really? Got nothing for me, huh? 1370 01:19:39,858 --> 01:19:41,066 [DOOR OPENS] 1371 01:19:41,234 --> 01:19:45,070 - Nothing? ROLAND: Ooh. Do I smell flapjacks? 1372 01:19:45,238 --> 01:19:49,074 Hey, Wally, thanks for being on lice patrol, man. 1373 01:19:49,242 --> 01:19:52,077 You gotta try some of this beer Grandma made. 1374 01:19:55,874 --> 01:19:58,209 [EELS' "ALL THE BEAUTIFUL THINGS" PLAYING] 1375 01:21:01,273 --> 01:21:02,731 [DOORBELL RINGS] 1376 01:21:03,942 --> 01:21:05,359 [PANTING] 1377 01:21:06,695 --> 01:21:08,571 Sebastian, what's going on? What happened? 1378 01:21:08,738 --> 01:21:12,241 I was at Ethan's birthday party and I did what you told me to. 1379 01:21:12,784 --> 01:21:14,994 Aaron O'Connor was there. 1380 01:21:15,161 --> 01:21:17,663 I stood up to him and acted crazy. 1381 01:21:22,919 --> 01:21:24,795 Look at your face. 1382 01:21:24,963 --> 01:21:27,423 He punched me and then threw me into a puddle 1383 01:21:27,591 --> 01:21:29,300 and then hit me again. 1384 01:21:29,467 --> 01:21:30,968 Come here. 1385 01:21:31,970 --> 01:21:35,472 - He didn't care that I was crazy. - Shh. It's okay. 1386 01:21:35,640 --> 01:21:38,559 It didn't work, I tried. 1387 01:21:39,185 --> 01:21:41,270 Where was this? Where was the party? 1388 01:21:41,438 --> 01:21:44,356 - At the park. - Which park? 1389 01:21:44,524 --> 01:21:48,444 - East End. - East End Park? 1390 01:21:48,612 --> 01:21:51,113 That's like 20 blocks away from here. 1391 01:21:52,157 --> 01:21:54,074 Um, I'm gonna call your mom to come get you. 1392 01:21:54,242 --> 01:21:57,036 No, Wally, you have to take me home. 1393 01:22:00,248 --> 01:22:02,666 Take me home, Wally. 1394 01:22:04,419 --> 01:22:06,921 Sebastian, why did you come here? 1395 01:22:08,381 --> 01:22:11,550 Because I thought you'd be proud of me. 1396 01:22:14,471 --> 01:22:16,221 [DOOR BUZZES] 1397 01:22:19,392 --> 01:22:22,478 Oh, my God, honey, what happened to you? 1398 01:22:22,646 --> 01:22:25,814 - I got into a fight. KASSIE: Sweetie, oh, my God. 1399 01:22:25,982 --> 01:22:28,150 - Why didn't Donna call me? - It's actually my fault. 1400 01:22:28,318 --> 01:22:31,946 I told him to do something really stupid a while back, and he listened to me. 1401 01:22:32,113 --> 01:22:35,032 But he's fine. He came over to my place and... 1402 01:22:35,200 --> 01:22:37,368 KASSIE: He came to you? 1403 01:22:38,078 --> 01:22:40,204 - Yeah, and... ROLAND: I thought I heard the doorbell. 1404 01:22:40,372 --> 01:22:43,666 WALLY: Oh, what's going on? - Oh, Roland's family is in town. 1405 01:22:43,833 --> 01:22:45,167 We're just having a little brunch. 1406 01:22:45,335 --> 01:22:47,044 - Hey, Wally. - Who beat the kid? 1407 01:22:48,088 --> 01:22:50,381 KASSIE: Come on, let's go. DEBBIE: Sweetie, come here. 1408 01:22:50,548 --> 01:22:52,508 Oh, my God, you're covered in dirt. 1409 01:22:52,676 --> 01:22:54,718 KASSIE: Come on, honey, let's go get cleaned up. 1410 01:22:54,886 --> 01:22:56,887 DEBBIE: We'll fix you up. 1411 01:22:58,640 --> 01:23:00,474 Let's go in the kitchen. 1412 01:23:00,642 --> 01:23:02,810 Somebody punched you? 1413 01:23:02,978 --> 01:23:04,436 - Hey, Wally. - Yeah? 1414 01:23:04,604 --> 01:23:05,646 What happened? 1415 01:23:05,814 --> 01:23:08,065 - He got in a fight with another kid. - Oh, that's awful. 1416 01:23:08,233 --> 01:23:10,401 - Yeah. - You know, but it'll make him stronger. 1417 01:23:10,568 --> 01:23:14,571 I took a few lumps when I was a kid, usually at the hands of my older brothers. 1418 01:23:14,739 --> 01:23:16,740 - Who are here. You gotta meet them. - Okay. 1419 01:23:16,908 --> 01:23:18,909 Oh, wait, hold on. 1420 01:23:21,454 --> 01:23:23,163 Check it out. 1421 01:23:23,832 --> 01:23:25,249 Right? 1422 01:23:27,794 --> 01:23:30,587 Stick around. It's gonna get good. 1423 01:23:34,134 --> 01:23:35,968 I'm sorry, Roland. 1424 01:23:36,845 --> 01:23:38,429 [SCOFFS] 1425 01:23:39,305 --> 01:23:41,056 For what? 1426 01:23:41,224 --> 01:23:43,100 KASSIE: Doesn't feel that bad, huh? - No. 1427 01:23:43,268 --> 01:23:44,435 WALLY: Hey. KASSIE: Not really? 1428 01:23:44,602 --> 01:23:46,854 SEBASTIAN: I'm okay. - I really do need to talk to you. 1429 01:23:47,480 --> 01:23:48,647 Act crazy, Wally? 1430 01:23:48,815 --> 01:23:51,608 Remind me to never to ask you for advice when I'm being bullied. 1431 01:23:51,776 --> 01:23:54,653 What do you want from me, Debbie? I'm an idiot. Kassie, this cannot wait. 1432 01:23:55,780 --> 01:23:57,281 - Debbie...? - I got it, and I'm sorry. 1433 01:23:57,449 --> 01:23:58,449 I will be right back. 1434 01:23:58,616 --> 01:24:01,160 - It was just talk. - Thanks. 1435 01:24:05,123 --> 01:24:07,374 What got into him? 1436 01:24:08,126 --> 01:24:10,252 You wanna try these peas? 1437 01:24:10,670 --> 01:24:13,005 All right, Wally, what is it? 1438 01:24:13,173 --> 01:24:14,673 I, uh... 1439 01:24:14,841 --> 01:24:18,218 There she is. Hey, Kass, Wally, come on in. 1440 01:24:18,386 --> 01:24:20,345 Yeah, come on in, take a seat. 1441 01:24:20,513 --> 01:24:22,056 - Listen, hang on one second. - I can't. 1442 01:24:22,223 --> 01:24:25,559 Kass, come on in. You too, Wally. 1443 01:24:25,727 --> 01:24:27,895 KASSIE: Okay. - Come on, take a seat. 1444 01:24:28,063 --> 01:24:29,188 Everybody listen up. 1445 01:24:29,731 --> 01:24:30,773 Hush, hush. 1446 01:24:30,940 --> 01:24:32,107 [ROLAND CHUCKLES] 1447 01:24:32,817 --> 01:24:34,443 Got a little something to say. Everybody. 1448 01:24:34,611 --> 01:24:35,903 [GLASS CLINKING] 1449 01:24:36,071 --> 01:24:37,112 All right. 1450 01:24:37,280 --> 01:24:38,655 [ROLAND CLEARS THROAT] 1451 01:24:38,823 --> 01:24:40,824 A few months ago, 1452 01:24:41,367 --> 01:24:44,912 and I'm not gonna lie, I was, uh, in a dark place. 1453 01:24:45,830 --> 01:24:48,707 - Um, I was in a world of pain. WALLY [WHISPERING]: Kassie. Kassie. 1454 01:24:48,875 --> 01:24:50,501 I really have to talk to you. 1455 01:24:50,668 --> 01:24:52,336 ROLAND: My wife, ex-wife... - Stop. 1456 01:24:52,504 --> 01:24:57,299 - Had left me for reasons that I don't need to get into now. 1457 01:24:57,467 --> 01:24:59,551 WALLY: Over here, right now. 1458 01:24:59,719 --> 01:25:01,970 - And then... - It's gotta be now. Trust me this is real. 1459 01:25:02,138 --> 01:25:03,555 ...one day... - Cut it out. 1460 01:25:03,723 --> 01:25:04,807 - The heavens opened, 1461 01:25:06,142 --> 01:25:10,979 and the sweet voice of an angel is on my phone machine. 1462 01:25:11,147 --> 01:25:12,397 [KASSIE CHUCKLES] 1463 01:25:12,857 --> 01:25:17,152 And I am happy to say to you all that I love, 1464 01:25:17,654 --> 01:25:20,948 that my life is whole again. 1465 01:25:21,116 --> 01:25:23,325 Today Sebastian scared the hell out of me. 1466 01:25:23,493 --> 01:25:25,619 Wally, take a seat, I'm about to get to the good stuff. 1467 01:25:25,787 --> 01:25:28,539 Roland, I'm sorry, you're a really good guy. I hate to do this to you. 1468 01:25:28,706 --> 01:25:30,791 ROLAND: Hate to do what? - Throw this curveball. 1469 01:25:31,543 --> 01:25:35,587 When Sebastian needed someone today, Kassie, he came to me. 1470 01:25:35,755 --> 01:25:40,134 You know, he needed me. And I need him. 1471 01:25:40,718 --> 01:25:42,469 All right, what are you talking about, Wally? 1472 01:25:42,637 --> 01:25:45,389 I'm talking about something I haven't been able to say before, Kassie. 1473 01:25:45,557 --> 01:25:47,141 I, uh... 1474 01:25:47,475 --> 01:25:48,517 [SIGHS] 1475 01:25:48,685 --> 01:25:54,231 I hijacked your pregnancy. 1476 01:25:55,358 --> 01:25:57,401 I'm the seed guy. 1477 01:26:03,741 --> 01:26:05,033 What? 1478 01:26:05,201 --> 01:26:11,748 I replaced, uh, Roland's offering with mine that night, 1479 01:26:11,916 --> 01:26:13,083 your party. 1480 01:26:13,251 --> 01:26:14,835 Um... 1481 01:26:15,003 --> 01:26:16,211 [MURMURING] 1482 01:26:17,297 --> 01:26:19,923 Sebastian's my son. 1483 01:26:20,758 --> 01:26:25,804 I know it was a reckless and careless and terrible thing to do, 1484 01:26:25,972 --> 01:26:27,431 but, I mean, I panicked, you know. 1485 01:26:27,599 --> 01:26:30,100 I'm not like you, you know. 1486 01:26:30,268 --> 01:26:33,270 You're not afraid of anything. I'm afraid of everything. 1487 01:26:33,438 --> 01:26:35,272 I can't even take risks, you know, you said it. 1488 01:26:35,440 --> 01:26:37,983 But nothing scares you, Kassie, and I love that about you. 1489 01:26:39,611 --> 01:26:42,404 I mean, you're gonna hate me the rest of your life, 1490 01:26:42,572 --> 01:26:45,365 and you're never gonna forgive me, and I don't expect you to forgive me. 1491 01:26:45,533 --> 01:26:49,036 It just... It breaks my heart, it kills me, 1492 01:26:49,204 --> 01:26:52,623 because he's changed me. 1493 01:26:52,957 --> 01:26:56,335 You've changed me, and, um... 1494 01:26:59,672 --> 01:27:01,256 ...I love you. 1495 01:27:09,349 --> 01:27:12,809 I couldn't say that before, but I'm saying it right now. 1496 01:27:18,483 --> 01:27:21,109 And I'm also saying I'm sorry. 1497 01:27:21,277 --> 01:27:23,528 I'm really sorry. 1498 01:27:30,203 --> 01:27:32,120 DEBBIE: Good we got that dirt off. 1499 01:27:36,084 --> 01:27:38,001 Don't ever speak to us again. 1500 01:27:45,677 --> 01:27:47,052 What did I miss? 1501 01:27:47,220 --> 01:27:48,637 [DOOR CLOSES] 1502 01:27:55,353 --> 01:27:58,021 WALLY: Sorry about your proposal, Roland. 1503 01:27:58,189 --> 01:28:00,107 His what? 1504 01:28:01,693 --> 01:28:03,694 Oh, my God. 1505 01:28:14,831 --> 01:28:16,873 I am proud of you. 1506 01:28:33,349 --> 01:28:34,349 [DOORBELL RINGING] 1507 01:28:56,956 --> 01:29:01,126 - Wally, it's 4 a.m. WALLY: I did it. 1508 01:29:01,294 --> 01:29:03,337 I did the right thing, Leonard. 1509 01:29:03,838 --> 01:29:06,923 - Come on in. - I faced my fear, I told her. 1510 01:29:07,091 --> 01:29:10,635 That's good, Wally. That's real good. 1511 01:29:10,803 --> 01:29:14,598 But I lost her. And Sebastian. 1512 01:29:16,559 --> 01:29:18,894 You did the right thing. I'm proud of you, Wally. 1513 01:29:19,687 --> 01:29:22,314 - It sucks. - But it'll get better. 1514 01:29:22,482 --> 01:29:26,860 You know, I'm drinking booze from a deli. 1515 01:29:29,822 --> 01:29:31,990 You should go home, Wally. 1516 01:29:34,660 --> 01:29:36,912 They are my home, Leonard. 1517 01:29:37,080 --> 01:29:39,748 [EELS' "NUMBERED DAYS" PLAYING] 1518 01:30:57,785 --> 01:30:59,619 [HORNS HONKING] 1519 01:31:21,392 --> 01:31:25,812 So I've thought about it, and, uh, 1520 01:31:25,980 --> 01:31:30,150 you can't just disappear from Sebastian's life. 1521 01:31:30,318 --> 01:31:32,068 So... 1522 01:31:32,236 --> 01:31:33,445 You know, he's your son. 1523 01:31:35,907 --> 01:31:39,534 And of course you can see him. 1524 01:31:39,702 --> 01:31:41,870 But it's gonna be on my terms. 1525 01:31:46,083 --> 01:31:47,834 How's he doing? 1526 01:31:49,253 --> 01:31:50,378 He misses you. 1527 01:31:51,005 --> 01:31:54,216 - I miss him. - A lot. 1528 01:31:54,383 --> 01:31:57,552 Is he...? How's he getting along with Roland, okay? 1529 01:31:58,262 --> 01:31:59,846 Yeah. 1530 01:32:01,182 --> 01:32:02,599 I, uh... 1531 01:32:03,518 --> 01:32:05,685 I couldn't go through with that. 1532 01:32:08,814 --> 01:32:11,233 - What happened? What do you mean? - I don't know. 1533 01:32:12,151 --> 01:32:13,902 [CHUCKLES] 1534 01:32:14,320 --> 01:32:16,363 He's affectionate. 1535 01:32:17,114 --> 01:32:19,032 Likes me to try new things. 1536 01:32:19,909 --> 01:32:22,452 He doesn't turn into a psycho when he drinks. 1537 01:32:22,620 --> 01:32:25,914 He doesn't moan when he eats. 1538 01:32:28,876 --> 01:32:31,628 I turned him down because he's not you. 1539 01:32:48,938 --> 01:32:50,146 Will you marry me? 1540 01:32:52,316 --> 01:32:54,276 Probably. 1541 01:33:17,300 --> 01:33:19,009 WALLY: Look at us. 1542 01:33:20,344 --> 01:33:22,012 Running around, 1543 01:33:22,179 --> 01:33:26,182 always rushed, always late. 1544 01:33:26,976 --> 01:33:29,686 Guess that's why they call it the human race. 1545 01:33:31,856 --> 01:33:37,819 But sometimes it slows down just enough for all the pieces to fall into place. 1546 01:33:40,239 --> 01:33:42,824 Fate works its magic. 1547 01:33:45,286 --> 01:33:47,203 And you're connected. 1548 01:33:48,706 --> 01:33:51,082 KASSIE: Oh. Hi. WALLY: You smell that? 1549 01:33:51,250 --> 01:33:53,585 - What is that? - That's charcoal, lighter fluid, 1550 01:33:53,753 --> 01:33:54,961 and my burnt arm hairs. 1551 01:33:55,129 --> 01:33:56,755 - Is that working for you at all? - Oh. 1552 01:33:58,507 --> 01:34:00,508 Shame there are all these children around. 1553 01:34:00,676 --> 01:34:01,718 I don't mind an audience. 1554 01:34:01,886 --> 01:34:03,386 - You don't? - Yeah, they seem like 19. 1555 01:34:03,554 --> 01:34:07,390 Oh, God, no. Honey, here, ice cream. Take this out there, but be careful. 1556 01:34:07,558 --> 01:34:10,602 One of these children has a milk allergy, and I have no clue which one it is. 1557 01:34:10,770 --> 01:34:12,312 It might be the little blond one there. 1558 01:34:12,480 --> 01:34:14,147 - Just go with a sorbet or something? - No. 1559 01:34:14,315 --> 01:34:15,982 - You sure? - No, no. 1560 01:34:23,824 --> 01:34:28,536 [ALL SINGING "HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU"] 1561 01:34:47,598 --> 01:34:49,015 KID: Yeah, Sebastian! KASSIE: Whoo! 1562 01:34:49,183 --> 01:34:51,351 KIDS: Yeah, Sebastian! 1563 01:34:52,061 --> 01:34:53,770 LEONARD: Yeah, yeah. 1564 01:34:53,938 --> 01:34:56,022 WALLY: Nice. - How about that? 1565 01:34:56,190 --> 01:35:01,361 Now, this year, Sebastian has decided to dedicate his birthday to Doug. 1566 01:35:01,529 --> 01:35:02,570 And Doug is a... 1567 01:35:02,738 --> 01:35:07,617 He's just a wonderful, uh, playful, three-legged dog, 1568 01:35:07,785 --> 01:35:11,621 and, um, he's in need of a home, so... 1569 01:35:12,540 --> 01:35:13,665 And? 1570 01:35:15,292 --> 01:35:18,753 And, um, well, Doug is, uh... 1571 01:35:18,921 --> 01:35:22,424 He's next in line at the kill shelter to be put down. 1572 01:35:22,591 --> 01:35:25,093 Oh, that would be a horrible way to go. 1573 01:35:25,511 --> 01:35:28,555 - But not dead yet. Very much alive. - That's so good. Positive thinking. 1574 01:35:28,723 --> 01:35:29,973 - Happy puppy. - And, yeah. 1575 01:35:30,141 --> 01:35:33,059 Let's go ahead and blow out the candles. Get some of that cake in our face. 1576 01:35:33,227 --> 01:35:36,771 I'm not blowing out anything until someone takes Doug. 1577 01:35:38,107 --> 01:35:39,816 WOMAN: Okay. 1578 01:35:39,984 --> 01:35:41,651 Well, I'll take him. 1579 01:35:41,819 --> 01:35:43,403 - Debbie Epstein. - Thank you. 1580 01:35:43,571 --> 01:35:44,612 Debbie Epstein. 1581 01:35:45,114 --> 01:35:48,283 I can handle him. He's only got three legs. That's... 1582 01:35:48,451 --> 01:35:49,951 MAN: All right. 1583 01:35:50,494 --> 01:35:54,539 - Surprising. - Okay, make a wish, baby. Come on. 1584 01:35:55,249 --> 01:35:56,624 WALLY: Harder. KASSIE: There you go. 1585 01:35:56,792 --> 01:35:58,001 Really well done. One more. 1586 01:35:58,169 --> 01:35:59,502 LEONARD: Here I come. KASSIE: Yes. 1587 01:35:59,670 --> 01:36:00,712 [ALL CHEERING] 1588 01:36:00,880 --> 01:36:03,047 KID 1: Happy birthday. KID 2: Happy birthday, Sebastian. 1589 01:36:03,215 --> 01:36:04,966 KASSIE: I love you, baby, sweet cheeks. 1590 01:36:05,134 --> 01:36:08,636 WALLY: Every once in a while, amid all the randomness, 1591 01:36:09,221 --> 01:36:13,683 something unexpected happens, and it pushes us all forward. 1592 01:36:14,059 --> 01:36:18,521 And the truth is, what I'm starting to think, 1593 01:36:18,689 --> 01:36:21,316 what I'm starting to feel, 1594 01:36:23,527 --> 01:36:27,113 is that maybe the human race 1595 01:36:28,365 --> 01:36:31,159 isn't a race at all. 1596 01:36:37,249 --> 01:36:39,751 [BIBIO'S "LOVERS' CARVINGS" PLAYING]