1
00:00:06,000 --> 00:00:12,074
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2
00:02:12,198 --> 00:02:14,132
You don't mess with the Zohan!
3
00:02:32,152 --> 00:02:33,244
Come disco.
4
00:02:33,419 --> 00:02:35,649
No, no, no.
I no disco, I make the fish.
5
00:02:35,822 --> 00:02:37,483
Danny, come on, go disco.
6
00:02:37,657 --> 00:02:40,820
Oh, okay. Disco!
7
00:02:41,294 --> 00:02:44,457
Danny, that looks good. You're gonna
be a hit at your bar mitzvah.
8
00:02:45,832 --> 00:02:49,598
So okay, Mr. Big Penachim,
I no see you disco.
9
00:02:49,769 --> 00:02:51,600
No, no, no. I making dagim.
I no disco.
10
00:02:51,771 --> 00:02:54,740
A real man, he can disco
and cooking dagim.
11
00:02:54,908 --> 00:02:56,000
So let's go.
12
00:03:00,313 --> 00:03:02,247
Go, go.
13
00:03:03,783 --> 00:03:05,580
I get the hummus for you.
14
00:03:06,853 --> 00:03:08,150
And for you.
15
00:03:11,624 --> 00:03:12,955
Little for me, eh!
16
00:03:18,998 --> 00:03:20,022
No.
17
00:03:23,136 --> 00:03:24,296
No.
18
00:03:24,470 --> 00:03:26,335
Kapara, what is going on!
19
00:03:26,506 --> 00:03:28,804
Just some bullshit-uchen.
20
00:03:29,842 --> 00:03:30,866
Let's go!
21
00:03:31,044 --> 00:03:34,980
Hey, I'm on vacation here.
Can't you see this!
22
00:03:35,148 --> 00:03:39,050
You promised me time off.
Get someone else to do it.
23
00:03:42,889 --> 00:03:45,517
Are they gonna hurt him!
24
00:03:45,692 --> 00:03:47,819
No one can hurt the Zohan.
25
00:03:50,163 --> 00:03:54,497
- Bye, Zohan.
- Take care, man.
26
00:04:13,553 --> 00:04:15,521
The terrorist known as Phantom...
27
00:04:15,687 --> 00:04:18,815
...was spotted yesterday at a
Hacky Sack tournament in Beirut.
28
00:04:24,730 --> 00:04:27,927
He may be have been trying to
bait us by surfacing briefly.
29
00:04:28,100 --> 00:04:31,501
We believe he's being kept in a safe
house on the Lebanon border.
30
00:04:31,669 --> 00:04:33,000
How is we lose Phantom!
31
00:04:33,171 --> 00:04:35,571
Didn't I capture Phantom
three months ago!
32
00:04:35,740 --> 00:04:37,765
What, you didn't hear
about the trade!
33
00:04:37,942 --> 00:04:39,068
What trade!
34
00:04:41,913 --> 00:04:43,847
Zohan, we gave back the Phantom.
35
00:04:44,015 --> 00:04:46,415
No!
36
00:04:46,584 --> 00:04:48,950
What do you mean,
we give back the Phantom!
37
00:04:49,120 --> 00:04:50,553
Zohan, relax.
38
00:04:50,722 --> 00:04:53,953
It was a good trade.
We got back Etan and David.
39
00:04:54,125 --> 00:04:56,889
That's all we got
for a veteran terrorist!
40
00:04:57,061 --> 00:04:59,586
Come on, we got hosed here.
41
00:04:59,764 --> 00:05:01,891
They threw in a spy
to be named later.
42
00:05:02,066 --> 00:05:04,193
Come on, Zohan,
you have to like that deal.
43
00:05:04,369 --> 00:05:06,132
Maybe they're talking about Ze'ev.
44
00:05:06,304 --> 00:05:08,738
Ze'ev.
Come on, he's not even a good spy.
45
00:05:08,906 --> 00:05:12,034
He got caught, for God's sake.
He's a stupid.
46
00:05:12,210 --> 00:05:16,408
Our plan is to enter the building from
the front with a team of eight men...
47
00:05:16,581 --> 00:05:19,277
...with an additional 12 men
at perimeter positions.
48
00:05:19,450 --> 00:05:23,284
Unfortunately, there is a high
probability of collateral damage...
49
00:05:23,454 --> 00:05:27,049
...including property and loss of life,
on both sides.
50
00:05:27,225 --> 00:05:28,783
Okay, here we go.
51
00:05:28,960 --> 00:05:30,154
Excuse me!
52
00:05:30,328 --> 00:05:33,627
Come on, is it not safer
to send one man into building...
53
00:05:33,798 --> 00:05:36,062
...with minimal coverage
to take out the target...
54
00:05:36,234 --> 00:05:38,429
...instead of blowing up
half the neighborhood!
55
00:05:38,603 --> 00:05:39,968
Well, who would do that!
56
00:05:40,138 --> 00:05:41,503
Oh, "who would do that!"
57
00:05:41,673 --> 00:05:43,971
You know you were
going to ask the Zohan.
58
00:05:44,142 --> 00:05:45,336
Zohan, why you say this!
59
00:05:45,510 --> 00:05:48,673
I just laid out an entire plan
which didn't rely on you.
60
00:05:48,846 --> 00:05:51,007
Come on, Yaron,
you're setting me up.
61
00:05:51,182 --> 00:05:54,948
All this talk of civilian casualties,
then of course I end up doing it.
62
00:05:55,119 --> 00:05:58,247
- But I'm not even asking you to do it.
- All right, I'll do it.
63
00:05:58,423 --> 00:06:02,189
Give me Avi and Koby as watch,
I'll get it done without the mess.
64
00:06:02,360 --> 00:06:04,988
Well, thank you. You didn't have to.
65
00:06:05,163 --> 00:06:07,529
Oh, I didn't have to, bullschlassah.
66
00:06:08,366 --> 00:06:09,856
Have some Fizzy Bubblech.
67
00:06:10,902 --> 00:06:14,303
"Kiwi watermelon"! Yeah, is good.
68
00:06:57,081 --> 00:06:59,709
"Avalon."
69
00:07:18,469 --> 00:07:20,266
Chunky cuts.
70
00:07:21,672 --> 00:07:23,765
Zohan, what are you doing!
The girls are here.
71
00:07:23,941 --> 00:07:25,772
I know, I was watching television.
72
00:07:25,943 --> 00:07:28,741
Well, if you want to have fun with us,
we're right next door.
73
00:07:28,913 --> 00:07:31,609
- Good with the sticky, you should do it.
- No, no, no.
74
00:07:31,783 --> 00:07:34,616
I am going to dinner with my parents.
Just leave me alone.
75
00:07:34,786 --> 00:07:38,085
- All right, all right.
- It is all right!
76
00:07:39,390 --> 00:07:41,085
You don't giggle at the Zohan.
77
00:07:41,259 --> 00:07:44,023
You hear me!
No giggling at the Zohan.
78
00:07:44,195 --> 00:07:46,595
You never giggle at the Zohan.
79
00:07:51,469 --> 00:07:52,766
What's the matter, tatele?
80
00:07:52,937 --> 00:07:55,770
You haven't touched
your baba ganoush.
81
00:07:58,209 --> 00:08:00,973
What would you think if I tell you...
82
00:08:01,145 --> 00:08:03,443
...I want to leaving the army,
start a new life!
83
00:08:03,915 --> 00:08:08,978
Why would you do that!
You are good at it. It's steady pay.
84
00:08:09,153 --> 00:08:11,144
You can't leave,
you're one of their best.
85
00:08:11,322 --> 00:08:13,449
Besides, you are too old
to take a risk.
86
00:08:13,624 --> 00:08:17,060
Stay in the army, play it safe.
87
00:08:17,228 --> 00:08:19,924
There's other things I can do
besides war.
88
00:08:20,097 --> 00:08:21,564
You don't war.
89
00:08:21,732 --> 00:08:24,326
- I was in the real war.
- I know, I know the story.
90
00:08:24,502 --> 00:08:26,663
1967.
91
00:08:26,838 --> 00:08:30,672
We were surrounded on all sides,
outnumbered.
92
00:08:30,842 --> 00:08:33,072
- And in six days, we...
- And in six days, we won.
93
00:08:33,244 --> 00:08:35,872
You won. I'm sorry,
I don't have a big, fancy war...
94
00:08:36,047 --> 00:08:37,639
...that lasted all of six days...
95
00:08:37,815 --> 00:08:42,946
Six days and five hours.
Your generation likes to forget that.
96
00:08:45,156 --> 00:08:48,717
Dad, I've done so much
for the country. When does it end!
97
00:08:48,893 --> 00:08:52,329
They've been fighting for 2000 years.
It can't be much longer.
98
00:08:53,664 --> 00:08:57,122
All of my friends served
the minimum three years.
99
00:08:57,301 --> 00:08:59,826
Why can't I move on!
Do something else.
100
00:09:00,004 --> 00:09:02,370
Something more creative.
101
00:09:02,540 --> 00:09:04,201
Creative, what!
102
00:09:04,375 --> 00:09:07,208
You've caught so many terrorists,
it's an art.
103
00:09:07,378 --> 00:09:09,812
You're like Rembrandt
with a grenade.
104
00:09:09,981 --> 00:09:11,039
What will you do!
105
00:09:12,783 --> 00:09:14,444
Maybe go to America.
106
00:09:14,619 --> 00:09:17,486
What, and haggle over
stereo equipment!
107
00:09:17,655 --> 00:09:19,452
Wait a minute, Ya'acov.
108
00:09:19,624 --> 00:09:22,286
Uncle Levi will set you up
at electronic store.
109
00:09:22,460 --> 00:09:25,987
You make money, sow your
creative oats, you come back.
110
00:09:26,163 --> 00:09:28,893
No, I don't want to do
electronics store.
111
00:09:29,533 --> 00:09:31,160
Then how will you make money!
112
00:09:32,770 --> 00:09:34,169
I don't want to say.
113
00:09:34,338 --> 00:09:38,502
Zohan, if you can't tell your parents,
who can you tell!
114
00:09:38,676 --> 00:09:40,974
Come, Zohanele.
115
00:09:44,515 --> 00:09:47,916
I want to cut...
116
00:09:48,085 --> 00:09:51,054
...and style hair.
117
00:09:58,162 --> 00:10:00,562
You... You fagala?
118
00:10:00,731 --> 00:10:02,858
He's fag... Faga...
119
00:10:06,337 --> 00:10:09,465
I like hair. It's pleasant,
it's peaceful, no one gets hurt.
120
00:10:09,640 --> 00:10:14,270
Well, you're only digging
that fagala hole deeper and deeper.
121
00:10:15,613 --> 00:10:19,845
Hello, down there!
Hello, in the fagala hole.
122
00:10:20,885 --> 00:10:22,546
Maybe he wants Vaseline.
123
00:10:24,388 --> 00:10:27,084
Yes, it's so funny.
124
00:10:55,152 --> 00:11:02,149
I just want to make people
silky smooth.
125
00:11:11,669 --> 00:11:14,900
You know the Phantom will try to run,
so be ready for this.
126
00:11:15,072 --> 00:11:16,733
- Zohan, now!
- So let's go.
127
00:11:34,892 --> 00:11:36,086
The Zohan.
128
00:11:45,870 --> 00:11:47,337
Freeze!
129
00:11:59,150 --> 00:12:04,486
I get it, I get it,
you guys don't like our country.
130
00:12:11,695 --> 00:12:12,957
So we are the bad ones.
131
00:12:13,130 --> 00:12:16,293
I'd love to sit and discuss this
with you, but I'm short on time.
132
00:12:16,467 --> 00:12:18,560
I'm just saying.
It's not so cut-and-dry.
133
00:12:20,971 --> 00:12:23,166
We settled here
for hundreds of years!
134
00:12:23,340 --> 00:12:24,500
Good point.
135
00:12:24,675 --> 00:12:28,133
None of my ancestors ever stepped
foot in this land. No, you're right.
136
00:12:28,312 --> 00:12:30,246
Hey, don't walk away!
137
00:12:31,348 --> 00:12:33,816
Come out, come out,
wherever you are.
138
00:12:33,984 --> 00:12:35,918
Hello, jackass.
139
00:12:38,923 --> 00:12:42,859
You think you can oppress my people,
landgrabber!
140
00:12:43,427 --> 00:12:46,658
But I will never disappear.
141
00:12:46,831 --> 00:12:49,891
No one can catch Phantom!
142
00:12:57,708 --> 00:12:59,107
So let's go.
143
00:13:15,426 --> 00:13:16,791
Very good.
144
00:13:47,591 --> 00:13:49,491
Sorry. It's for the cause.
145
00:14:03,340 --> 00:14:05,240
Zohan.
146
00:14:08,946 --> 00:14:12,109
Zohan, bring it.
147
00:14:27,464 --> 00:14:29,261
Why you do this! I feel no pain.
148
00:14:29,433 --> 00:14:32,800
No, no, no. I feel no pain.
149
00:14:32,970 --> 00:14:36,428
- I feel no pain. This is too much...
- No, no, no. I feel no pain.
150
00:14:36,607 --> 00:14:38,165
I have told you in other fights.
151
00:14:38,342 --> 00:14:40,833
No, no, no. I kill you right now.
152
00:14:46,183 --> 00:14:48,151
Look, look, look.
153
00:14:51,989 --> 00:14:55,425
The piranha,
it looks very painful for you.
154
00:14:55,593 --> 00:14:57,356
Is good, is good.
155
00:14:57,528 --> 00:14:59,621
Is very nice. Yes, yes.
156
00:14:59,797 --> 00:15:01,992
Fizzy Bubblech for me.
157
00:15:06,770 --> 00:15:08,135
You like what you see!
158
00:15:11,342 --> 00:15:12,468
Time to die.
159
00:15:12,643 --> 00:15:14,167
So let's go.
160
00:15:24,021 --> 00:15:26,546
Okay, game over.
161
00:15:45,976 --> 00:15:47,409
Yeah!
162
00:15:49,280 --> 00:15:50,770
I kill!
163
00:15:51,315 --> 00:15:54,250
I kill the Zohan!
164
00:15:55,019 --> 00:15:56,077
Zohan is dead.
165
00:15:59,923 --> 00:16:02,050
The Phantom!
166
00:16:33,857 --> 00:16:36,985
Cutting the hair,
this makes something beautiful.
167
00:16:37,161 --> 00:16:39,152
Instead of shooting it.
168
00:16:39,330 --> 00:16:41,423
That's why I had to fake to die.
169
00:16:41,598 --> 00:16:45,227
I could have captured Phantom again,
but for what! They trade him.
170
00:16:46,170 --> 00:16:49,469
I love my country,
but the fighting, it never ends.
171
00:16:50,441 --> 00:16:52,909
It's like Mr. Scrappy, you bite Coco.
172
00:16:53,077 --> 00:16:54,476
Coco, you bite him back.
173
00:16:54,645 --> 00:16:58,809
Soon you are both having worms,
eating your own poopech...
174
00:17:02,853 --> 00:17:04,047
I understand. The pills.
175
00:17:04,221 --> 00:17:06,781
Your parents think
they know what's best for you.
176
00:17:06,957 --> 00:17:08,618
Sleep.
177
00:17:15,899 --> 00:17:18,697
It's all about not getting recognized.
178
00:17:18,869 --> 00:17:20,803
I know how great I looked
in the beard...
179
00:17:20,971 --> 00:17:23,804
but I'll make this work for me,
you'll see.
180
00:17:38,222 --> 00:17:41,487
Rise and shine, guys.
Good morning.
181
00:17:42,126 --> 00:17:43,718
Is nice, huh!
182
00:17:43,894 --> 00:17:45,327
It's the Avalon.
183
00:17:45,496 --> 00:17:49,660
It says I care about the way I look,
but I'm still approachable.
184
00:17:51,402 --> 00:17:53,199
Oh, you like this!
185
00:17:53,370 --> 00:17:56,464
Who wants to go next, guys!
Who wants to look silky smooth!
186
00:17:56,640 --> 00:17:58,699
Yes. Yes.
187
00:18:03,013 --> 00:18:06,039
Oh, where are my two little babies!
Oh, come on.
188
00:18:06,216 --> 00:18:09,344
Come on out, Scrappy, come on out.
Come to Mama, Mr. Coco.
189
00:18:10,454 --> 00:18:14,049
Mr. Scrappy. Coco.
What happened!
190
00:18:14,224 --> 00:18:16,249
Who gave you permission
to do this, huh!
191
00:18:16,427 --> 00:18:18,019
Who did! Answer me.
192
00:18:18,195 --> 00:18:20,254
Scrappy, was it you!
It was you, wasn't it!
193
00:18:20,431 --> 00:18:22,160
You're always the instigator.
194
00:18:22,332 --> 00:18:27,201
Bad dog. You are a very bad dog.
Never again are you gonna travel.
195
00:18:34,077 --> 00:18:36,841
Take me to the Paul Mitchell
hair salon.
196
00:18:37,381 --> 00:18:39,781
- First time in New York!
- Yes, my friend.
197
00:18:40,184 --> 00:18:41,708
So, what brings you here!
198
00:18:41,885 --> 00:18:43,352
I have a dream.
199
00:18:44,021 --> 00:18:45,420
I had a dream too.
200
00:18:45,589 --> 00:18:46,920
What dream you have!
201
00:18:47,090 --> 00:18:48,921
My dream was to come to America...
202
00:18:49,092 --> 00:18:52,118
...and make enough money
to send for me brothers and sisters...
203
00:18:52,296 --> 00:18:54,560
...so that we all could enjoy
freedom together.
204
00:18:54,731 --> 00:18:56,756
- This is good dream.
- Oh, yes, it is.
205
00:18:56,934 --> 00:18:59,129
- Is dream come true!
- No, man.
206
00:18:59,303 --> 00:19:01,737
Me brothers and sisters
were hacked to death.
207
00:19:01,905 --> 00:19:05,466
But I love the Chinese food here.
It's incredible.
208
00:20:15,546 --> 00:20:19,107
- Hey, you forgot these.
- Those are for you, my friend.
209
00:20:28,125 --> 00:20:31,788
Good morning for you.
I am here to meet Mr. Paul Mitchell.
210
00:20:31,962 --> 00:20:33,054
And who are you!
211
00:20:34,531 --> 00:20:38,490
Scrappy Coco.
I am here to take a job from him.
212
00:20:38,669 --> 00:20:40,068
He isn't in right now.
213
00:20:40,237 --> 00:20:41,966
That's good. So I will wait, then.
214
00:20:45,509 --> 00:20:48,569
You know what! I'll take
one Fizzy Bubblech, a raspberry.
215
00:20:48,979 --> 00:20:51,948
You know,
he actually doesn't come in too often.
216
00:20:52,115 --> 00:20:54,811
Yes, just tell him I am perfect for this,
so let's go.
217
00:20:54,985 --> 00:20:57,112
- I am the best.
- The best at what!
218
00:20:57,287 --> 00:21:01,189
All of this. The cutting, the styling,
the making it silky smooth.
219
00:21:01,358 --> 00:21:03,019
I wanna know who cuts your hair.
220
00:21:03,560 --> 00:21:04,891
Oh, you like this, eh!
221
00:21:05,062 --> 00:21:07,997
This is the Avalon,
straight from the Paul Mitchell book.
222
00:21:08,165 --> 00:21:12,261
I haven't seen that style
since Luke married Laura.
223
00:21:13,070 --> 00:21:15,197
Sister, are you this Laura!
224
00:21:16,673 --> 00:21:22,509
You tell Paul Mitchell,
Scrappy Coco was here to see him.
225
00:21:23,614 --> 00:21:26,708
If I find out he was here...
226
00:21:26,883 --> 00:21:29,716
...or you are keeping him
hidden from me...
227
00:21:29,886 --> 00:21:31,717
...I will destroy you.
228
00:21:31,888 --> 00:21:34,118
Believe me this.
229
00:22:29,644 --> 00:22:32,306
What the hell was this, champ!
I'm not paying for that!
230
00:22:32,480 --> 00:22:34,778
This asshole cut me off,
made me swerve into you!
231
00:22:34,949 --> 00:22:37,782
With all due respect,
I was in the bicycle lane.
232
00:22:37,952 --> 00:22:40,352
You came like a madman.
Be glad nobody was hurt.
233
00:22:40,522 --> 00:22:43,821
I mean, somebody could've died.
I mean, you came...
234
00:22:45,093 --> 00:22:47,584
Okay, real mature, sir. Real mature.
235
00:22:47,762 --> 00:22:50,424
You do not want to be
throwing bicycles.
236
00:22:50,598 --> 00:22:52,930
Look, stay out of my business,
Mustafa.
237
00:22:53,101 --> 00:22:56,264
"Mustafa"! This is not my name.
Who tells you this is my name!
238
00:22:56,438 --> 00:22:58,565
Whatever.
Salami, bologna, apple sauce.
239
00:22:58,740 --> 00:22:59,764
Apple who!
240
00:22:59,941 --> 00:23:02,375
My friend, if I were you,
I would change the tone.
241
00:23:02,544 --> 00:23:03,670
Avoid the pain.
242
00:23:03,845 --> 00:23:07,178
Listen, go back to your goddamned
pretzel stand. We got it...
243
00:23:08,550 --> 00:23:10,814
- Look what I've got. It's right here.
- Please!
244
00:23:10,985 --> 00:23:12,452
- I've got it.
- Please, let me go.
245
00:23:12,620 --> 00:23:16,386
I never work at pretzel stand.
You like to insult people!
246
00:23:17,892 --> 00:23:20,190
Was that your feet!
247
00:23:20,361 --> 00:23:22,124
Yes, it's the feet. The feet uppercut.
248
00:23:23,565 --> 00:23:24,827
Here comes the double foot.
249
00:23:25,700 --> 00:23:27,167
This is good.
250
00:23:27,335 --> 00:23:30,304
Smell it, smell it, smell it.
Now take it.
251
00:23:30,472 --> 00:23:32,531
- That's for you.
- All right, let me go!
252
00:23:32,707 --> 00:23:34,732
You said you wanted pretzel!
253
00:23:37,479 --> 00:23:38,969
Okay, I'm good.
254
00:23:39,147 --> 00:23:40,580
Beautiful.
255
00:23:40,749 --> 00:23:42,216
You want some chickens!
256
00:23:42,383 --> 00:23:44,317
No, no, no. I fix for you.
257
00:23:50,625 --> 00:23:51,922
It's all b'seder.
258
00:23:52,093 --> 00:23:54,186
What are you, bionic!
259
00:23:54,362 --> 00:23:57,195
No, no, no. I only like the girls.
260
00:23:58,366 --> 00:24:00,425
Thanks, anyways.
261
00:24:04,906 --> 00:24:07,500
This is ridiculous traffic.
262
00:24:07,675 --> 00:24:11,042
Anyway, George insisted
we have the party.
263
00:24:11,212 --> 00:24:14,181
- I always get midnight shift.
- Could you keep it down, please!
264
00:24:14,349 --> 00:24:16,681
I no sleep,
I no see World Series Poker.
265
00:24:16,851 --> 00:24:19,012
Are you even watching the road!
266
00:24:19,187 --> 00:24:23,089
Be nice. He could be a terrorist.
267
00:24:23,258 --> 00:24:27,752
- Why Hamdi no get no midnight!
- Could you at least change the station!
268
00:24:33,168 --> 00:24:35,363
- Hey, that was amazing.
- Oh, yes.
269
00:24:35,537 --> 00:24:37,129
Where are you from, anyway!
270
00:24:37,305 --> 00:24:39,466
Where am I from!
271
00:24:39,641 --> 00:24:40,801
Australia.
272
00:24:40,975 --> 00:24:43,034
Really!
Because you sound Middle Eastern.
273
00:24:43,211 --> 00:24:45,008
No, no, no. Similar accents.
274
00:24:45,180 --> 00:24:47,910
- Kangaroo. You see!
- Sure.
275
00:24:49,984 --> 00:24:52,111
This is ridiculous. We're getting out.
276
00:24:52,287 --> 00:24:55,120
- Come on, dear.
- I've been working longer than Hamdi.
277
00:24:57,025 --> 00:24:59,357
- You want me to get you home!
- No, I'll grab a cab.
278
00:24:59,527 --> 00:25:01,461
You've done enough.
That was crazy.
279
00:25:01,629 --> 00:25:03,722
Whose lockzie do I have to schluck?
280
00:25:05,400 --> 00:25:07,698
Oh, you know you're boning me.
I don't know that.
281
00:25:10,171 --> 00:25:11,229
It's you.
282
00:25:13,274 --> 00:25:15,265
- What is happening!
- What's happening!
283
00:25:15,443 --> 00:25:16,774
It's bullshaklaga.
284
00:25:16,945 --> 00:25:18,242
- We have to go.
- Go where!
285
00:25:18,413 --> 00:25:20,176
- I'll run you.
- What are you doing!
286
00:25:20,348 --> 00:25:22,441
This is legal!
287
00:25:26,688 --> 00:25:30,124
Scrappy, have another kneidlach.
Come on.
288
00:25:30,291 --> 00:25:31,758
You're very nice, Mrs. Klayman.
289
00:25:31,926 --> 00:25:35,692
It reminds me of my mother's cooking
in Australia.
290
00:25:35,864 --> 00:25:39,356
Really!
It's funny, you don't sound Australian.
291
00:25:39,534 --> 00:25:42,697
Yes, no, no, no.
This is because I am half Australian...
292
00:25:42,871 --> 00:25:45,362
...half Mount Everest.
293
00:25:45,540 --> 00:25:47,838
So this is what you're hearing.
294
00:25:48,943 --> 00:25:52,071
Well, Australia,
it must be really nice there...
295
00:25:52,247 --> 00:25:54,306
...since they got rid of the apartheid.
296
00:25:54,482 --> 00:25:56,507
Oh, yes, the weather is much cooler.
297
00:25:58,152 --> 00:26:01,383
So, Scrappy,
I understand you cut hair.
298
00:26:02,156 --> 00:26:04,386
I will be working
with Mr. Paul Mitchell...
299
00:26:04,559 --> 00:26:07,027
...as soon as I find out
where they are hiding him.
300
00:26:07,195 --> 00:26:10,028
Oh, Mom, Scrappy
doesn't have a place to stay yet.
301
00:26:10,198 --> 00:26:11,256
- Really!
- Not yet.
302
00:26:11,432 --> 00:26:13,798
Well, actually,
there's a nice one-bedroom...
303
00:26:13,968 --> 00:26:16,368
...that just opened up upstairs.
304
00:26:16,537 --> 00:26:19,131
Nice light, not huge.
305
00:26:19,307 --> 00:26:21,366
And they redid the kitchen very well.
306
00:26:22,210 --> 00:26:24,576
- This could be good.
- Could be good.
307
00:26:26,047 --> 00:26:27,878
Could be good.
308
00:26:37,492 --> 00:26:39,960
Hey, Mom,
do you know where the detergent is!
309
00:26:40,128 --> 00:26:42,289
- That's very good.
- Oh, my God!
310
00:26:42,463 --> 00:26:43,725
What! What's the matter!
311
00:26:43,932 --> 00:26:46,127
What's the matter! That's my mom.
312
00:26:46,301 --> 00:26:48,394
- It's okay, Michael.
- I know it's your mother.
313
00:26:48,569 --> 00:26:49,558
She's very beautiful.
314
00:26:49,737 --> 00:26:51,705
Michael, I haven't made sticky
in two days.
315
00:26:51,873 --> 00:26:54,865
- What do you want from me!
- Couldn't you wait till I was asleep!
316
00:26:55,043 --> 00:26:56,806
- Or dead!
- No, Michael.
317
00:26:56,978 --> 00:26:58,673
You do... What's he doing now!
318
00:26:58,846 --> 00:27:01,314
Why'd that happen!
Why'd that happen!
319
00:27:01,482 --> 00:27:02,972
It's okay. Let me talk to him.
320
00:27:03,151 --> 00:27:04,812
Oh, I can't get up.
321
00:27:04,986 --> 00:27:07,682
No, no. You'll feel your legs again
in two hours.
322
00:27:09,357 --> 00:27:10,654
Michael.
323
00:27:10,825 --> 00:27:13,658
Come on, this is nothing
to feel bad about.
324
00:27:13,828 --> 00:27:15,921
Me sexing your mother.
325
00:27:16,097 --> 00:27:19,066
It's beautiful. It's natural.
326
00:27:19,233 --> 00:27:22,168
No, I didn't bring you home
to do it with my mother.
327
00:27:22,337 --> 00:27:25,067
Why not, huh!
You don't want her to be happy!
328
00:27:25,239 --> 00:27:27,639
Did you see her! Did you look at her!
329
00:27:27,809 --> 00:27:30,141
I don't think
I can ever look at her again.
330
00:27:30,311 --> 00:27:33,974
Michael, her face
during the big bang-boom!
331
00:27:34,148 --> 00:27:35,308
You did not see!
332
00:27:35,483 --> 00:27:37,110
She was glowing.
333
00:27:37,285 --> 00:27:39,344
Patches. What are you...!
334
00:27:39,520 --> 00:27:40,953
Michael, come on.
335
00:27:41,122 --> 00:27:43,113
They'll be plenty of time
for you and me.
336
00:27:43,291 --> 00:27:45,623
Tonight, I take you to disco, huh!
How's this!
337
00:27:45,793 --> 00:27:47,784
No, why would I wanna go
to a disco tonight!
338
00:27:48,863 --> 00:27:51,024
Michael, you should go. It'd be fun!
339
00:27:51,199 --> 00:27:53,030
You could use a little stank.
340
00:27:53,201 --> 00:27:56,261
Yes, you need your penachim
to take a swim.
341
00:27:56,437 --> 00:27:59,133
Yeah, a little chicken of the sea.
It wouldn't hurt.
342
00:27:59,307 --> 00:28:02,572
Disco, disco.
Let's do this, Michael. Yes or no!
343
00:28:02,744 --> 00:28:04,041
Come on, you get to disco.
344
00:28:04,212 --> 00:28:06,544
- All right, fine, I'll go to the disco.
- Okay.
345
00:28:06,714 --> 00:28:09,410
I do your mother one more time,
and then we go.
346
00:28:09,584 --> 00:28:11,518
- Wha...!
- Seconds already!
347
00:28:11,686 --> 00:28:13,381
Oh, yes.
348
00:28:18,826 --> 00:28:21,522
Hey. Look at this.
349
00:28:21,696 --> 00:28:24,893
This is what you need, man,
to let off a little steam, huh!
350
00:28:25,066 --> 00:28:28,763
How many times a day do you
make sticky! Two! Five! Twelve!
351
00:28:28,936 --> 00:28:32,167
How many times a day!
I've had sex once in my life.
352
00:28:32,340 --> 00:28:35,036
It was at tennis camp.
It was awful.
353
00:28:35,209 --> 00:28:38,474
You're too picky, Michael.
Maybe that's the problem.
354
00:28:38,646 --> 00:28:41,774
Every weed in the desert
is still a flower.
355
00:28:42,283 --> 00:28:45,081
Look at this. This a big one, eh!
356
00:28:45,253 --> 00:28:49,656
But look at the tits.
These will bounce nice for you.
357
00:28:49,824 --> 00:28:53,260
Your mother, she has huge poopeh.
358
00:28:53,428 --> 00:28:55,988
I mean, very wide.
359
00:28:56,164 --> 00:29:01,727
But what I see are two big, strong legs
wrapped around my head, squeezing.
360
00:29:01,903 --> 00:29:03,598
So who wants to get some
poontachen?
361
00:29:05,540 --> 00:29:09,203
- I wanna get some poontachen?
- Well, let's get some. Yes.
362
00:29:13,781 --> 00:29:15,715
It's good for you. Nice spinning.
363
00:29:18,519 --> 00:29:21,283
This is what I'm talking about.
You play this.
364
00:29:21,456 --> 00:29:23,447
- I ain't playing this corny shit.
- No, no.
365
00:29:23,624 --> 00:29:25,785
I need to set the
mood for my friend.
366
00:29:25,960 --> 00:29:28,053
Get out,
you Daisy Duke-wearing motherf...
367
00:29:38,606 --> 00:29:40,597
- Disco, disco.
- Good, good!
368
00:29:40,775 --> 00:29:42,470
- Disco, disco.
- Good, good!
369
00:29:55,990 --> 00:29:57,480
Yes, hello. Hello.
370
00:29:57,658 --> 00:30:00,559
Hey, Zohan.
371
00:30:00,728 --> 00:30:02,252
Who you looking for!
372
00:30:02,430 --> 00:30:05,228
It's okay, no one can hear me
in disco, Zohan.
373
00:30:05,399 --> 00:30:07,594
Can you believe the poontachat
in this place!
374
00:30:07,768 --> 00:30:11,329
I'm not Zohan.
My name is Scrappy Coco, my friend.
375
00:30:11,506 --> 00:30:14,475
What!
Of course you are Zohan Dvir.
376
00:30:14,642 --> 00:30:18,043
They all think you dead in Israel.
I'm not going to tell.
377
00:30:18,212 --> 00:30:20,908
Tell what!
I don't know what you're talking about.
378
00:30:21,082 --> 00:30:24,882
Zohan, it's okay.
Don't worry, I'm a huge fan.
379
00:30:25,052 --> 00:30:28,385
The way you took out
Abdullah Meda in '94.
380
00:30:28,556 --> 00:30:33,289
And when you made Melami Benazir
eat his own shit in '97.
381
00:30:33,461 --> 00:30:35,861
I can't believe I'm meeting you, man.
382
00:30:36,030 --> 00:30:38,055
So, what the fachma
are you doing here!
383
00:30:38,232 --> 00:30:39,631
Come with me.
384
00:30:40,668 --> 00:30:42,795
Look, I couldn't take
all the fighting anymore.
385
00:30:42,970 --> 00:30:45,370
- What's it all for!
- Are you crazy!
386
00:30:45,540 --> 00:30:47,974
If I could blow a terrorist
inside out like you...
387
00:30:48,142 --> 00:30:50,337
...this is all I would do.
I'd never sleep.
388
00:30:50,511 --> 00:30:53,207
- This is exaggeration.
- No, it's not.
389
00:30:53,381 --> 00:30:57,647
You made Palami Habdallah's poodle
sit on a live grenade.
390
00:30:57,818 --> 00:31:01,049
- You gotta show me how you did that.
- I don't remember. I was young.
391
00:31:01,222 --> 00:31:03,884
So tell me the truth.
Why are you in America!
392
00:31:05,092 --> 00:31:06,116
I no want to tell you.
393
00:31:06,594 --> 00:31:08,459
What! What! Come on.
394
00:31:08,629 --> 00:31:13,396
You are the best, Zohan.
Whatever you say is good.
395
00:31:16,871 --> 00:31:19,738
I want to be hairdresser.
396
00:31:20,608 --> 00:31:22,337
You a fagala?
397
00:31:22,510 --> 00:31:24,000
I can't believe it.
398
00:31:24,178 --> 00:31:27,909
A great warrior, but also a fagala
with the penachim.
399
00:31:28,082 --> 00:31:31,051
No, no, no. I like hair.
400
00:31:31,219 --> 00:31:33,813
Come on, man, I get you real job.
401
00:31:33,988 --> 00:31:36,718
You come by my shop tomorrow.
402
00:31:36,891 --> 00:31:39,086
Israeli electronics. Are you crazy!
403
00:31:39,260 --> 00:31:42,991
- Everyone will recognize me.
- No, you don't look like same Zohan.
404
00:31:43,164 --> 00:31:44,461
You have silly haircut now.
405
00:31:44,632 --> 00:31:46,896
- I have what haircut!
- What!
406
00:31:47,068 --> 00:31:49,298
- You say I look silly!
- No, no. Who said this!
407
00:31:49,470 --> 00:31:51,631
- You said this.
- No, no. Nobody say nothing.
408
00:31:53,374 --> 00:31:54,398
I don't need your job.
409
00:31:54,575 --> 00:31:58,807
I get my own job on my own
at a big salon. You will see.
410
00:32:01,082 --> 00:32:03,016
You ever cut a sister's hair before!
411
00:32:03,184 --> 00:32:07,086
Yes. Sister, brother, grandma,
grandpa, the whole family.
412
00:32:07,255 --> 00:32:08,449
I'm good at this.
413
00:32:08,623 --> 00:32:10,682
Have you ever worked
with dreads before!
414
00:32:14,996 --> 00:32:16,054
This is what you do.
415
00:32:16,230 --> 00:32:18,494
No more. This creature slayed.
416
00:32:18,666 --> 00:32:22,625
It's not a problem. Okay, he's got me.
He's got me. He's got me. Okay.
417
00:32:23,304 --> 00:32:25,829
Okay. So we blind him in the eyes.
We got you.
418
00:32:26,007 --> 00:32:28,032
And we finish him.
419
00:32:28,209 --> 00:32:32,145
You back away, I take hold of him.
Go! Go! Go out! Go now!
420
00:32:32,313 --> 00:32:33,871
Go!
421
00:32:35,883 --> 00:32:39,341
This is hair. This is hair.
422
00:32:39,520 --> 00:32:42,648
Oh, okay. The joke's on me, eh!
423
00:32:44,492 --> 00:32:48,053
A big part of our job here
is making this a fun experience.
424
00:32:48,229 --> 00:32:49,457
Of course, of course.
425
00:32:49,630 --> 00:32:53,361
For a lot of kids, this is their first cut,
and it can be very frightening.
426
00:32:53,534 --> 00:32:56,697
- I can imagine.
- I don't want a haircut.
427
00:32:56,871 --> 00:32:58,463
Get away from me.
428
00:32:58,639 --> 00:33:00,869
Let me go.
429
00:33:01,042 --> 00:33:04,409
Young man, look what I found here.
430
00:33:04,578 --> 00:33:06,671
A nice balloon.
431
00:33:06,847 --> 00:33:09,077
Do you want it! It's right here.
432
00:33:09,850 --> 00:33:11,442
You shouldn't jump around...
433
00:33:11,619 --> 00:33:14,315
...when this nice woman's
holding a sharp pair of scissors.
434
00:33:14,822 --> 00:33:18,883
If you move, she could slip and
slice your jugular vein on accident.
435
00:33:19,393 --> 00:33:21,657
There's no way to stitch the jugular.
436
00:33:21,829 --> 00:33:24,821
All of your blood will be on the floor
in four minutes.
437
00:33:25,266 --> 00:33:28,861
I've seen this. I've done this.
You don't want this.
438
00:33:39,914 --> 00:33:43,873
Well, then, at least it's a good time to
shave his neck. I would get him quick.
439
00:33:47,888 --> 00:33:50,652
When I was your age
I already killed seven men.
440
00:33:50,825 --> 00:33:53,293
Maybe you should grow up.
441
00:34:20,020 --> 00:34:22,784
I promise you you won't regret.
442
00:34:22,957 --> 00:34:25,187
And come back.
443
00:34:25,359 --> 00:34:28,419
"Fujigawa"! I don't know that brand.
It really isn't...
444
00:34:28,596 --> 00:34:31,224
It's not really Fujigawa.
It's Sony guts.
445
00:34:31,399 --> 00:34:35,335
- Wouldn't it be better with the Sony...
- Oh, no, no, no. This is what you want.
446
00:34:35,503 --> 00:34:38,597
- Four-hundred fifty.
- But the ad says "Sony," and "300."
447
00:34:38,773 --> 00:34:42,971
No, no, no. What you going to believe,
me or the ad! Four-fifty.
448
00:34:44,412 --> 00:34:47,313
Hello, Going Out of Business.
Can I help you!
449
00:34:47,481 --> 00:34:49,608
Sony, yes. Three hundred.
450
00:34:49,784 --> 00:34:51,752
Come in, yes. Very good, very good.
451
00:34:54,622 --> 00:34:57,056
Hi. I represent the new owner
of this building.
452
00:34:57,224 --> 00:34:59,818
Good for you. Want a birthday cake!
What do you want!
453
00:34:59,994 --> 00:35:01,154
Yamaha is very good.
454
00:35:01,328 --> 00:35:03,489
Did you receive our letter
regarding your rent!
455
00:35:03,664 --> 00:35:06,599
- This I don't know.
- It's being raised to 20,000 a month.
456
00:35:06,767 --> 00:35:08,098
No, no, no. This is too much.
457
00:35:08,269 --> 00:35:10,294
Eighty-five hundred
is all we'll give you.
458
00:35:10,471 --> 00:35:13,531
- This isn't negotiable. We can get...
- Ten thousand, that's all.
459
00:35:13,707 --> 00:35:14,867
We both go home happy.
460
00:35:15,042 --> 00:35:17,738
- I'm sorry. We can't settle for less.
- Okay, no deal.
461
00:35:17,912 --> 00:35:19,709
You come back when you
want to deal.
462
00:35:19,880 --> 00:35:21,472
- Sir, you don't understand.
- Go.
463
00:35:21,649 --> 00:35:25,050
What you still here for! You like me!
I have girlfriend. Go.
464
00:35:25,219 --> 00:35:27,346
Thank you very much.
465
00:35:30,591 --> 00:35:34,049
Hey, look who's here.
466
00:35:34,228 --> 00:35:35,490
Come on, not so loud.
467
00:35:35,663 --> 00:35:39,190
Don't worry, Zohan.
I tell you, they don't recognize you.
468
00:35:39,366 --> 00:35:43,268
Yosi. This is good man.
This Chocolaté Coco.
469
00:35:43,437 --> 00:35:46,133
- Scrappy Coco.
- Scrappy Coco.
470
00:35:46,307 --> 00:35:47,399
Cooking Who-co!
471
00:35:48,275 --> 00:35:49,537
Yes, yes.
472
00:35:49,710 --> 00:35:51,234
So you're going out of business!
473
00:35:51,412 --> 00:35:54,575
No, no, no, no. Is just a sign.
Is good for business.
474
00:35:55,182 --> 00:35:59,312
Yeah, so you look me up, man.
That's cool.
475
00:35:59,487 --> 00:36:01,853
I come for job.
476
00:36:03,157 --> 00:36:06,422
Job. So you not big hairstyle!
477
00:36:07,995 --> 00:36:13,524
It's not really happening for me
so far.
478
00:36:13,701 --> 00:36:16,534
So I am here. So let's go.
479
00:36:19,173 --> 00:36:21,437
No. No job.
480
00:36:21,609 --> 00:36:23,702
What do you mean!
You tell me to come here.
481
00:36:23,878 --> 00:36:27,211
I can no let you do this.
You want to be hair homo.
482
00:36:27,381 --> 00:36:30,111
No, so I do this for now.
It's all yofi tofi.
483
00:36:30,284 --> 00:36:32,275
Is no now.
484
00:36:32,887 --> 00:36:38,621
Once you start in electronics store,
you never get out.
485
00:36:40,261 --> 00:36:42,422
Look at Ephraim. You see!
486
00:36:42,596 --> 00:36:44,860
I don't see nothing wrong with that.
It's perfect.
487
00:36:45,032 --> 00:36:47,193
Ephraim came to America...
488
00:36:47,735 --> 00:36:51,136
...to be racing car driver.
489
00:36:51,972 --> 00:36:53,872
But he let slip away.
490
00:36:54,041 --> 00:36:57,033
I can hear it. Look. Check your ear.
491
00:36:57,211 --> 00:37:02,376
Pinchas wanted to be
the next Bill Cosby.
492
00:37:02,550 --> 00:37:05,917
No. Is resistant, no proof.
You don't understand!
493
00:37:06,620 --> 00:37:10,556
But the store kept pulling him back.
494
00:37:10,724 --> 00:37:12,316
Maybe you swimming with the watch.
495
00:37:12,493 --> 00:37:14,051
- I'm not swimming...
- Is resistant.
496
00:37:15,629 --> 00:37:20,396
Yosi wanted to be a hand model.
497
00:37:20,568 --> 00:37:23,503
What, you don't like this! Look at this.
This is most beautiful.
498
00:37:23,671 --> 00:37:25,298
But he got too comfortable here.
499
00:37:25,472 --> 00:37:28,498
Press this button, it's free HBO.
500
00:37:29,043 --> 00:37:33,878
The electronics store
is a dream killer.
501
00:37:34,982 --> 00:37:39,646
And I won't let the Zohan
kill his dream.
502
00:37:42,089 --> 00:37:46,025
You are a real mensch, Oori.
503
00:37:46,193 --> 00:37:49,560
You the mensch.
504
00:37:49,730 --> 00:37:50,788
Come.
505
00:37:50,965 --> 00:37:52,023
What! What's this!
506
00:37:52,199 --> 00:37:55,965
You may not go for this,
but this place cross the street...
507
00:37:56,136 --> 00:37:58,161
- Yes!
- They maybe take you.
508
00:37:58,772 --> 00:38:02,173
- Is good place!
- No, is dump, but they take you.
509
00:38:02,343 --> 00:38:04,470
Is on Palestinian side of street.
510
00:38:04,645 --> 00:38:05,942
Palestinian!
511
00:38:06,113 --> 00:38:09,446
No, no, no.
Look, nobody kill you there.
512
00:38:09,617 --> 00:38:10,879
Here nobody care.
513
00:38:11,051 --> 00:38:13,110
First off, no one kill me anywhere.
514
00:38:13,821 --> 00:38:16,085
But Palestinian, no.
515
00:38:16,256 --> 00:38:18,349
I've done enough
to my parents already.
516
00:38:18,525 --> 00:38:20,823
I just want job for the Zohan.
517
00:38:20,995 --> 00:38:22,986
And it kills me
the way Phantom bastard...
518
00:38:23,163 --> 00:38:26,030
...getting his buttochim kissed
in Palestine now.
519
00:38:26,200 --> 00:38:28,532
Buttochim kissed! What's this!
520
00:38:28,969 --> 00:38:30,231
He have business.
521
00:38:30,404 --> 00:38:32,304
He buy wives.
522
00:38:33,607 --> 00:38:34,972
Him!
523
00:38:35,142 --> 00:38:38,578
They say his ugly face everywhere.
524
00:38:39,146 --> 00:38:42,206
Everyone is running
To Phantom's Chewy Muchentuchen
525
00:38:42,349 --> 00:38:45,750
For the food the heroes eat
526
00:38:46,120 --> 00:38:49,180
Kubeh, sambouesk,
Delicious muchentuchen
527
00:38:49,356 --> 00:38:51,449
You never know who you'll meet
528
00:38:51,625 --> 00:38:55,425
You are going to get spoiled.
529
00:39:01,535 --> 00:39:04,095
Phantom Muchentuchen!
530
00:39:04,271 --> 00:39:05,795
Oh, yeah!
531
00:39:05,973 --> 00:39:08,066
This month,
order Muchentuchen Happy Lunch...
532
00:39:08,242 --> 00:39:11,370
... and get action figures from
Phantom Presents: Death to Zohan.
533
00:39:15,015 --> 00:39:16,846
Unbelievable.
534
00:39:17,017 --> 00:39:22,045
This animal gets to live his dream.
But, me, l...
535
00:39:22,589 --> 00:39:26,753
I can no work Palestinian, no.
It's like... I can't do this.
536
00:39:26,927 --> 00:39:28,292
Yes, you can.
537
00:39:28,462 --> 00:39:32,398
Is your dream to cut hair.
You want fight, or you want hair!
538
00:39:32,566 --> 00:39:35,797
I want hair. But I'm scared.
539
00:39:35,969 --> 00:39:38,767
Is America.
You can do anything here.
540
00:39:38,939 --> 00:39:42,534
You never done something
people thought was impossible!
541
00:39:45,012 --> 00:39:47,947
So you don't want to talk, huh!
I'll make you talk.
542
00:40:07,735 --> 00:40:08,827
I can do this.
543
00:40:20,948 --> 00:40:22,438
Disco, disco, good, good.
544
00:40:22,616 --> 00:40:24,311
Disco, disco, good, good.
545
00:40:24,485 --> 00:40:26,214
Disco, disco, good, good.
546
00:40:26,386 --> 00:40:27,853
Disco, disco, good, good.
547
00:40:28,021 --> 00:40:29,784
Disco, disco, good, good.
548
00:40:31,658 --> 00:40:34,456
So you have never cut hair before.
549
00:40:34,628 --> 00:40:37,495
I have cut my own hair
and several dogs.
550
00:40:38,165 --> 00:40:42,261
I have the Paul Mitchell book,
I have the stamina, the desire...
551
00:40:42,436 --> 00:40:44,802
But you have no training
or experience.
552
00:40:44,972 --> 00:40:49,033
Would you hire someone
with experience in something else!
553
00:40:49,510 --> 00:40:50,534
In what!
554
00:40:50,911 --> 00:40:53,141
Can anyone here do this!
555
00:41:00,320 --> 00:41:03,483
Okay. I have never seen that.
556
00:41:03,657 --> 00:41:06,455
That is very nice,
but that is not going to help me.
557
00:41:06,627 --> 00:41:09,095
No hands.
558
00:41:09,263 --> 00:41:10,787
Besides, I have no openings.
559
00:41:10,964 --> 00:41:12,693
If anything, I need to scale back...
560
00:41:12,866 --> 00:41:15,357
...since they just raised my rent
through the roof.
561
00:41:15,536 --> 00:41:20,098
Out of nowhere, some guy with a tie
comes in and tells me I need to pay.
562
00:41:20,274 --> 00:41:21,468
Stop it!
563
00:41:22,876 --> 00:41:25,743
I only wish to learn.
564
00:41:25,913 --> 00:41:28,245
I will do whatever it takes.
565
00:41:31,084 --> 00:41:34,645
Fine. You can sweep up hair
a few shifts a week.
566
00:41:34,822 --> 00:41:36,813
- You won't be...
- No pay.
567
00:41:36,990 --> 00:41:40,153
No, no, no.
But then, I will become stylist, yes!
568
00:41:40,761 --> 00:41:41,955
That could be a while.
569
00:41:42,129 --> 00:41:44,529
I will wait turn. You will see.
570
00:41:44,698 --> 00:41:47,929
I will get nighttime job for money.
571
00:41:48,101 --> 00:41:50,729
Soon the whole world
will be silky smooth.
572
00:42:01,048 --> 00:42:02,072
Zohan.
573
00:42:02,249 --> 00:42:04,843
- Carmen Electra has the best tits now.
- Oh, please.
574
00:42:05,018 --> 00:42:08,044
Oh, my God.
I wonder how much she paid for them.
575
00:42:09,356 --> 00:42:11,586
They're so perky.
576
00:42:11,758 --> 00:42:14,727
You know, leave it to her
to buy the best tits.
577
00:42:14,895 --> 00:42:17,329
It's always first class with that one.
578
00:42:17,497 --> 00:42:20,660
You know you don't have to catch
every piece of hair as it falls.
579
00:42:20,834 --> 00:42:25,203
Yes, I do. You deserve a perfect floor.
One single hair is unacceptable.
580
00:42:25,372 --> 00:42:26,396
As you were.
581
00:42:40,187 --> 00:42:41,950
Yes. I got this.
582
00:42:43,323 --> 00:42:45,689
"Did you see
the new Kate Hudson movie!
583
00:42:45,859 --> 00:42:48,919
I think she is even more vivacious
than her mother."
584
00:42:49,096 --> 00:42:53,260
Scrappeleh, that's wonderful.
Now, let's practice on Michael.
585
00:42:53,433 --> 00:42:56,561
Michael!
Could you come in here, please!
586
00:42:57,337 --> 00:42:58,634
What! What is...!
587
00:42:58,805 --> 00:43:01,740
Oh, Scrappy needs to practice
small-talking.
588
00:43:01,909 --> 00:43:05,276
Can we do this another time! I have
a shot at keeping my food down.
589
00:43:05,445 --> 00:43:07,003
Michael, I want to practice now.
590
00:43:07,180 --> 00:43:10,115
I'm afraid I'm terrible at this.
Why won't you help me!
591
00:43:10,284 --> 00:43:15,278
Oh, honey.
You are good at everything you do.
592
00:43:39,680 --> 00:43:41,375
- Got it.
- Thanks.
593
00:43:41,548 --> 00:43:43,743
So you're making her silky smooth,
huh, Claude!
594
00:43:43,917 --> 00:43:47,148
- Framing her face!
- Yeah, Scrappy. I'm framing her face.
595
00:43:47,321 --> 00:43:48,481
This is smart.
596
00:43:48,655 --> 00:43:52,250
A nice layered style
with the soft bangs...
597
00:43:52,426 --> 00:43:54,519
...is good for a bigger woman
like this.
598
00:43:54,695 --> 00:43:56,890
- Coco.
- Takes the eyes off the moon face...
599
00:43:57,064 --> 00:43:58,827
...and brings it toward the titzim.
600
00:43:58,999 --> 00:44:00,830
Coco.
601
00:44:01,001 --> 00:44:02,195
I need to speak to you.
602
00:44:03,704 --> 00:44:04,966
In private.
603
00:44:06,106 --> 00:44:08,631
Private. A secret!
604
00:44:08,809 --> 00:44:11,209
They will never get it out of me,
I promise you.
605
00:44:11,378 --> 00:44:14,575
Coco, Claude is trying to work.
606
00:44:14,748 --> 00:44:16,375
Yes. He's very good.
607
00:44:16,550 --> 00:44:19,417
So I am ready to cut hair today.
So let's go, let's get it on.
608
00:44:19,586 --> 00:44:21,486
No. Let's not go.
609
00:44:21,655 --> 00:44:22,679
But I am the best.
610
00:44:22,856 --> 00:44:24,824
Don't tell me you're the best.
611
00:44:24,992 --> 00:44:27,756
- I have the desire, the stamina.
- You've been here two days.
612
00:44:27,928 --> 00:44:29,657
I run this place for five years.
613
00:44:29,830 --> 00:44:32,594
I think I know when you are ready
to cut hair.
614
00:44:32,766 --> 00:44:35,428
Okay, Jeez! Get a room, you two.
615
00:44:35,602 --> 00:44:37,627
No, no, no.
616
00:44:37,804 --> 00:44:40,739
I do not touch this
with your penachim.
617
00:44:42,175 --> 00:44:43,870
Out of respect for the working.
618
00:44:44,211 --> 00:44:47,305
No, you don't eat where you shit.
619
00:44:47,481 --> 00:44:50,939
Or shit where you eat.
Whatever the...
620
00:44:51,118 --> 00:44:52,779
The smell is bad.
621
00:44:55,822 --> 00:44:57,084
This is called a comb.
622
00:44:59,092 --> 00:45:02,061
- With the fingers!
- Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, no, no.
623
00:45:03,597 --> 00:45:06,998
- Scrappy.
- I'm sorry. Here, I take your leg up.
624
00:45:07,167 --> 00:45:08,862
I'm sorry about this. I'm sorry.
625
00:45:09,036 --> 00:45:11,095
- Okay. All right.
- I apologize.
626
00:45:11,271 --> 00:45:13,705
- Take him where he wants to go.
- Thank you. Okay.
627
00:45:13,874 --> 00:45:15,398
- Good luck.
- It will be fine.
628
00:45:15,575 --> 00:45:19,102
- Your limousine has arrived, sir.
- You're observant, Tyler.
629
00:45:19,880 --> 00:45:21,677
Thank you, Big Mac.
630
00:45:21,848 --> 00:45:25,750
I am really late for a hotel opening
downtown. The Walbridge Hotel.
631
00:45:25,919 --> 00:45:29,082
I understand, sir. I know the
neighborhoods inside and backwards.
632
00:45:29,256 --> 00:45:31,588
- We will not let them stop us.
- What!
633
00:45:37,130 --> 00:45:38,495
I'm not in much of a hurry.
634
00:45:42,102 --> 00:45:44,229
Oh, no.
635
00:45:47,507 --> 00:45:48,997
You want some coffee back there!
636
00:45:49,176 --> 00:45:50,575
No!
637
00:45:51,078 --> 00:45:52,272
I will lose them.
638
00:45:53,680 --> 00:45:56,240
Nobody is following us.
639
00:46:01,988 --> 00:46:03,751
Oh, shit!
640
00:46:17,137 --> 00:46:19,002
Have a good time, sir.
641
00:46:23,043 --> 00:46:26,035
Debbie, you did a good job.
642
00:46:26,213 --> 00:46:29,580
You look very bangable,
Mrs. Rosen.
643
00:46:30,417 --> 00:46:32,851
Mrs. Paulson, I must tell you...
644
00:46:33,019 --> 00:46:37,046
...when you first came in,
you looked hideous.
645
00:46:37,224 --> 00:46:38,555
There was nothing attractive.
646
00:46:38,725 --> 00:46:43,753
But now, I must say,
my schtitzel, it's about to burst.
647
00:46:43,930 --> 00:46:46,626
- It could break these any...
- What are you doing!
648
00:46:46,800 --> 00:46:49,564
We are talking shop.
649
00:46:49,736 --> 00:46:51,829
No. No.
650
00:46:52,572 --> 00:46:54,335
- Look, Coco...
- What!
651
00:46:54,508 --> 00:46:56,408
You need to calm down now, okay!
652
00:46:56,576 --> 00:46:59,374
I don't think these customers
like the way you talk shop.
653
00:46:59,546 --> 00:47:00,672
Nobody say this.
654
00:47:00,847 --> 00:47:06,149
Coco, remember,
respect for the workplace.
655
00:47:07,954 --> 00:47:09,888
I have betrayed my salon.
656
00:47:14,194 --> 00:47:15,491
He's trying to kill himself.
657
00:47:15,662 --> 00:47:16,993
- Scrappy.
- I deserve this.
658
00:47:17,164 --> 00:47:20,361
No, no. Just... Just...
659
00:47:20,934 --> 00:47:23,266
Easy on the ladies.
660
00:47:23,870 --> 00:47:26,031
I didn't mind.
661
00:47:31,178 --> 00:47:33,043
Take care, Mrs. Paulson.
662
00:47:34,014 --> 00:47:36,039
She did not mind.
663
00:47:38,952 --> 00:47:42,080
Let me disinfect the scissors...
664
00:47:42,822 --> 00:47:47,521
...so someone else
can make someone else silky smooth.
665
00:47:48,562 --> 00:47:50,393
I'll just clean up.
666
00:47:55,468 --> 00:47:57,527
Rafaela's Salon.
667
00:47:57,704 --> 00:47:59,638
What! No.
668
00:48:02,709 --> 00:48:03,937
Debbie, she quit.
669
00:48:04,711 --> 00:48:06,474
- What!
- Sorry.
670
00:48:06,947 --> 00:48:09,108
Claude, did you know about this!
671
00:48:09,282 --> 00:48:10,544
I should have told you.
672
00:48:10,717 --> 00:48:14,084
She's been looking for a new job
since those rent guys came around.
673
00:48:14,254 --> 00:48:16,620
Then why you no say nothing,
little bitch!
674
00:48:18,525 --> 00:48:21,961
Don't worry,
I'm not giving up on this place.
675
00:48:22,128 --> 00:48:25,393
You're a good guy, habibi.
I just... I don't know what to do.
676
00:48:30,537 --> 00:48:32,061
So let's go.
677
00:48:32,239 --> 00:48:35,265
Scrappy, I have enough problems
right now.
678
00:48:38,478 --> 00:48:40,844
I not the problem. I the solution. I fix.
679
00:48:41,014 --> 00:48:43,175
But if you screw up...
680
00:48:43,350 --> 00:48:45,750
I can't afford a screwup right now.
681
00:48:45,919 --> 00:48:49,047
No, no, no. I no screw up.
I am the best for the job.
682
00:48:49,222 --> 00:48:51,986
Yeah, but you push and push.
"When is my turn"!
683
00:48:52,158 --> 00:48:53,750
I have to care about salon.
684
00:48:53,927 --> 00:48:55,258
- No, no, no.
- No, no, no.
685
00:48:55,428 --> 00:49:00,024
You care about you. And don't fight
in front of the customer.
686
00:49:02,769 --> 00:49:07,399
Mrs. Skitzer,
I am afraid our stylist is out today.
687
00:49:07,574 --> 00:49:10,702
Would you care to wait for Claude!
688
00:49:12,112 --> 00:49:13,170
Does he do hair!
689
00:49:16,016 --> 00:49:19,315
He's not a regular.
690
00:49:19,486 --> 00:49:20,783
Well, that's fine.
691
00:49:23,156 --> 00:49:28,458
She say...
I mean, only if it's okay with Dalia.
692
00:49:30,797 --> 00:49:32,059
Okay.
693
00:49:32,899 --> 00:49:38,030
You will not regret this decision.
694
00:49:41,541 --> 00:49:44,237
Mrs. Skitzer, let's cut your hair.
695
00:49:44,811 --> 00:49:48,406
Just lay back, Mrs. Skitzer.
I'll take care of everything.
696
00:49:48,882 --> 00:49:51,248
- Oh, thank you.
- Thank you.
697
00:49:51,418 --> 00:49:54,216
Sexy woman like you
deserves to be pampered.
698
00:49:54,387 --> 00:49:56,412
Me, sexy! Sure.
699
00:49:56,589 --> 00:49:57,613
Don't be humble.
700
00:49:57,791 --> 00:50:02,751
You've got the ass and tits
of a schoolgirl and you know it.
701
00:50:02,929 --> 00:50:06,126
And everyone else knows this too,
believe me.
702
00:50:06,299 --> 00:50:07,857
Yes.
703
00:50:08,034 --> 00:50:09,934
Let me get your earring off.
704
00:51:59,379 --> 00:52:00,641
I love it.
705
00:52:00,814 --> 00:52:04,682
Of course you do.
I make you silky smooth. I tell you this.
706
00:52:05,251 --> 00:52:09,119
All right, Scrappy.
You can cut Debbie's clients today.
707
00:52:09,289 --> 00:52:11,883
If they want you.
708
00:52:16,563 --> 00:52:17,587
Thank you.
709
00:52:17,764 --> 00:52:21,325
I'll get to you all soon as I'm
all the way done with Mrs. Skitzer.
710
00:52:22,635 --> 00:52:24,125
That all you got, Mrs. Skitzer!
711
00:52:24,304 --> 00:52:28,468
Come on, baby. Go, baby. Yes. Yes.
712
00:52:47,861 --> 00:52:49,055
So who's next!
713
00:53:24,097 --> 00:53:26,588
Come on, Scrappy!
714
00:53:28,368 --> 00:53:30,802
Thank you, dear.
715
00:53:31,304 --> 00:53:35,331
- It's a lot of speakers.
- Yes. Yes.
716
00:53:39,012 --> 00:53:40,946
It's orgasmic.
717
00:53:41,114 --> 00:53:42,809
Oh, my God.
718
00:53:44,017 --> 00:53:45,985
Oh, yes!
719
00:54:00,433 --> 00:54:03,163
Grab it, Scrappy!
720
00:54:11,044 --> 00:54:13,638
For you. Yes.
721
00:54:18,851 --> 00:54:21,183
I give this to you.
722
00:54:29,028 --> 00:54:32,520
- No. I am sorry, Mr. Paul Mitchell.
- Hear me out, Scrappy, please.
723
00:54:32,699 --> 00:54:36,430
I'll give you stock options.
I'll name a shampoo after you.
724
00:54:36,603 --> 00:54:41,097
No, my loyalty is to here.
I will destroy you.
725
00:54:44,377 --> 00:54:47,642
I heard about this place
from Joanne.
726
00:54:47,814 --> 00:54:50,146
You have to ask for Scrappy.
727
00:54:50,316 --> 00:54:53,308
Yes, is the primary
cardholder present!
728
00:54:53,486 --> 00:54:54,510
Excuse me!
729
00:54:54,687 --> 00:54:57,417
Hello, I am calling
from Spiegel catalogue.
730
00:54:57,590 --> 00:55:00,024
Are you between the ages
of 18 and 39!
731
00:55:00,193 --> 00:55:01,990
We're trying to talk here.
732
00:55:02,161 --> 00:55:04,527
Have you ordered from catalogue
in past six months!
733
00:55:04,697 --> 00:55:06,688
Could you get off the phone
while you drive!
734
00:55:06,866 --> 00:55:09,664
Hey, what's the matter!
I trying to make a living, do my job.
735
00:55:09,836 --> 00:55:10,894
This is your job.
736
00:55:11,070 --> 00:55:12,162
This is job also.
737
00:55:12,338 --> 00:55:13,362
This is not Iraq.
738
00:55:13,539 --> 00:55:15,769
I am Palestine, I'm not Iraq.
739
00:55:15,942 --> 00:55:17,273
And you're not getting a tip.
740
00:55:17,443 --> 00:55:19,172
And you are a stupid cow.
741
00:55:19,345 --> 00:55:20,369
Jeez.
742
00:55:20,546 --> 00:55:23,106
- And we're done. Okay, you, skedaddle.
- Thanks so much.
743
00:55:23,282 --> 00:55:25,682
- I'll see you later.
- All right.
744
00:55:26,285 --> 00:55:28,219
I like this, the red hair.
745
00:55:28,388 --> 00:55:31,653
I bet she has a pumpkin patch
down below, yes!
746
00:55:31,824 --> 00:55:32,882
I don't know.
747
00:55:33,059 --> 00:55:35,653
- Did you tap her tuchus?
- No.
748
00:55:35,828 --> 00:55:38,854
Why don't you go after
the snatchacheem in this place!
749
00:55:39,032 --> 00:55:41,125
They all want you, believe me.
750
00:55:41,300 --> 00:55:43,268
Scrappy, I wouldn't be so sure.
751
00:55:43,436 --> 00:55:45,768
I'm telling you,
you're not picking up the signs.
752
00:55:46,439 --> 00:55:49,101
Come with me.
I'll show you a technique. It's beautiful.
753
00:55:49,275 --> 00:55:53,678
Hello, Mrs. Haynes. How are you!
You want the cut and color today!
754
00:55:53,846 --> 00:55:55,211
Yes, please. Thanks.
755
00:55:56,215 --> 00:55:57,239
Watch.
756
00:56:00,887 --> 00:56:03,947
You see! She's going with it.
It's good.
757
00:56:04,123 --> 00:56:05,283
Yep.
758
00:56:05,792 --> 00:56:08,590
- She has a free shoulder. Come join.
- I'm good.
759
00:56:09,762 --> 00:56:12,196
Mrs. Haynes,
you're getting cold here.
760
00:56:12,365 --> 00:56:14,799
Claude, come. Keep her warm.
761
00:56:14,967 --> 00:56:16,628
Go ahead. Yes.
762
00:56:17,336 --> 00:56:21,932
And gently move.
Gently move the shoulder.
763
00:56:22,108 --> 00:56:24,906
All you want to do is let her know
you're here for her.
764
00:56:25,101 --> 00:56:28,161
Now look away
like you're not even doing it.
765
00:56:28,337 --> 00:56:30,271
We're not doing this.
766
00:56:30,439 --> 00:56:31,736
- Same rhythm.
- Okay.
767
00:56:31,907 --> 00:56:34,273
Push. Push. Push.
768
00:56:36,078 --> 00:56:40,742
Oh, you're pushing harder.
It's starting to feel good on my end.
769
00:56:40,916 --> 00:56:44,579
I am trying to make money
to start my own business, huh.
770
00:56:44,754 --> 00:56:47,314
Would you say you read Spiegel
once a month, twice...
771
00:56:47,490 --> 00:56:49,355
Would you just get us
to the hair salon!
772
00:56:49,525 --> 00:56:51,083
We're gonna miss our appointment.
773
00:56:51,260 --> 00:56:54,855
I curse you, and I curse your hair.
774
00:56:55,030 --> 00:56:58,397
What is big deal
about this hair place anyway!
775
00:57:00,970 --> 00:57:02,494
They get worse every year.
776
00:57:09,512 --> 00:57:14,814
Okay, we'll take them to the truck.
We'll just talk to them. But we'll find a...
777
00:57:17,820 --> 00:57:21,449
Did you throw this shoe at me,
my friend!
778
00:57:22,625 --> 00:57:23,956
No!
779
00:57:24,126 --> 00:57:26,686
Sure looks like it was you.
780
00:57:31,267 --> 00:57:33,531
Then who threw it!
781
00:57:36,872 --> 00:57:41,070
Okay. You're lucky I'm in good mood.
I'll let you off the hook.
782
00:57:42,545 --> 00:57:45,309
Nobody spits on me.
783
00:57:49,685 --> 00:57:52,586
Thank you for the goat, my friend.
784
00:57:52,755 --> 00:57:53,779
Yes.
785
00:57:54,790 --> 00:57:57,156
Goat!
786
00:57:57,326 --> 00:57:59,294
Goat.
787
00:57:59,461 --> 00:58:01,986
Goat!
788
00:58:02,164 --> 00:58:04,632
Goat!
789
00:58:05,467 --> 00:58:07,958
Goat.
790
00:58:08,137 --> 00:58:11,129
I said, "Can we have the receipt!"
791
00:58:12,308 --> 00:58:14,868
Yes. Die in hell.
792
00:58:18,581 --> 00:58:19,809
Welcome.
793
00:58:23,419 --> 00:58:26,616
We'll color your hair Bling-Bling
Blond. This is what you need.
794
00:58:26,789 --> 00:58:28,780
You know what else they go for!
795
00:58:28,958 --> 00:58:32,792
The... I don't know what you have,
but mine is the biggest.
796
00:58:32,962 --> 00:58:35,487
This...
It does not get bigger than this.
797
00:58:35,664 --> 00:58:38,895
It's enormous. Scary. I mean:
798
00:58:39,068 --> 00:58:40,228
What!
799
00:58:40,669 --> 00:58:43,263
I have the biggest. It's the biggest.
800
00:58:43,439 --> 00:58:45,100
Take a look at this.
801
00:58:45,274 --> 00:58:47,265
Look.
802
00:58:50,012 --> 00:58:52,242
- It's not that big.
- It's not that...!
803
00:58:52,414 --> 00:58:53,574
No, no, no. The bush.
804
00:58:54,183 --> 00:58:55,844
The bush is the biggest.
805
00:58:56,018 --> 00:58:58,509
And the girls like this
because it's cushion.
806
00:59:00,022 --> 00:59:04,356
It is no bullshaklaga. He is the one.
I never forget a face.
807
00:59:04,526 --> 00:59:06,187
So, what do you want I do!
808
00:59:06,729 --> 00:59:08,629
Wait. I conference you.
809
00:59:10,699 --> 00:59:11,723
Hello!
810
00:59:11,901 --> 00:59:14,927
Nasi, emergency meeting.
You're on with Hamdi as well.
811
00:59:15,104 --> 00:59:17,038
- Hello, Nasi.
- Hello, Hamdi.
812
00:59:17,206 --> 00:59:19,606
Can you believe
how much they pay Delgado!
813
00:59:19,775 --> 00:59:23,006
Yes. Why Mets do this!
814
00:59:23,779 --> 00:59:26,805
This is serious. We meet!
815
00:59:26,982 --> 00:59:29,644
I explain why is emergency.
816
00:59:29,818 --> 00:59:32,616
This is not just man
who take my goat.
817
00:59:35,024 --> 00:59:38,118
- Zohan Dvir.
- Yes.
818
00:59:38,294 --> 00:59:40,421
Everyone think Phantom kill him.
819
00:59:40,596 --> 00:59:41,961
Phantom not kill him.
820
00:59:42,131 --> 00:59:45,760
We will capture,
then make trade with Israel.
821
00:59:45,935 --> 00:59:48,096
We will be heroes.
822
00:59:48,270 --> 00:59:51,967
But, Salim, we are not Jihadim. We
don't know for sure that this is him.
823
00:59:52,141 --> 00:59:55,042
Let's call Hamas, Hezbollah.
Let them handle this.
824
00:59:55,210 --> 00:59:57,235
- Leave it to the pros.
- No.
825
00:59:57,413 --> 00:59:58,812
Hezbollah shmezbollah.
826
00:59:58,981 --> 01:00:02,849
Hezbollah will take all the credit.
This is our shot.
827
01:00:03,018 --> 01:00:04,952
Why not let Phantom capture him!
828
01:00:05,120 --> 01:00:08,317
Screw Phantom. He hero already.
829
01:00:08,824 --> 01:00:12,191
Where's my chain
of muchentuchen restaurants!
830
01:00:13,629 --> 01:00:16,359
Salim, don't make this
about yourself.
831
01:00:16,532 --> 01:00:17,999
This is about me.
832
01:00:18,167 --> 01:00:19,794
And about him.
833
01:00:19,969 --> 01:00:21,937
And about my goat!
834
01:00:22,671 --> 01:00:25,231
Come on, let's go!
835
01:00:25,407 --> 01:00:28,808
This is nice,
the walking inside the outside.
836
01:00:28,978 --> 01:00:32,539
The park, the people,
the horses, the kid.
837
01:00:32,715 --> 01:00:34,546
Well, you're always downtown.
838
01:00:34,717 --> 01:00:36,810
You should see
a little more of New York.
839
01:00:36,986 --> 01:00:38,954
Yes, yes, this is good.
840
01:00:39,121 --> 01:00:40,679
The talking is good...
841
01:00:40,856 --> 01:00:43,552
...to get to know each other
before the bang-boom. I like.
842
01:00:43,726 --> 01:00:47,594
Oh, no, no, no.
There will be no bang-booming.
843
01:00:47,763 --> 01:00:51,130
I just wanted to thank you
for saving my business.
844
01:00:51,300 --> 01:00:54,292
- This isn't a date.
- No, no, no.
845
01:00:54,470 --> 01:00:57,667
I feel you have helped me so much...
846
01:00:57,840 --> 01:01:00,104
The right thing to do
is to tap you so hard...
847
01:01:00,275 --> 01:01:03,472
...my schtitzel will come out
your poopech. That's what I think.
848
01:01:03,645 --> 01:01:06,671
Look, why don't we
just enjoy the park!
849
01:01:06,849 --> 01:01:09,010
No, no, no. This is what we do.
850
01:01:10,552 --> 01:01:12,986
Hey, look, softball.
851
01:01:13,155 --> 01:01:16,090
- You like softball!
- Of course, I love softball.
852
01:01:16,258 --> 01:01:20,058
What is softball! Teach me how to.
853
01:01:20,229 --> 01:01:22,823
I learned softball
when I came to the States.
854
01:01:22,998 --> 01:01:25,558
When you're Arab, it helps to fit in.
855
01:01:25,734 --> 01:01:27,668
Yeah, how long you move here ago!
856
01:01:27,836 --> 01:01:29,770
Just a few years ago.
857
01:01:29,938 --> 01:01:34,375
I couldn't take it there anymore.
All the hate, on both sides.
858
01:01:34,543 --> 01:01:36,602
Yes, especially yours.
859
01:01:36,779 --> 01:01:39,680
Why you say this! You don't know.
860
01:01:39,848 --> 01:01:42,078
No, no, I don't. I read this.
861
01:01:42,251 --> 01:01:46,620
The Australian-Tibet media
is very biased.
862
01:01:46,789 --> 01:01:50,350
Look, both sides crazy.
863
01:01:50,526 --> 01:01:51,891
My own family...
864
01:01:53,095 --> 01:01:54,619
My brother...
865
01:01:54,797 --> 01:02:00,201
...if he knew I work cross street
from Israelis, he would lose it.
866
01:02:00,369 --> 01:02:03,964
- Really!
- You have the hardcores on both sides.
867
01:02:04,139 --> 01:02:06,573
They just want to fight and fight.
868
01:02:06,742 --> 01:02:09,939
Nobody will win this way.
It has to stop.
869
01:02:11,213 --> 01:02:14,478
When will it end, eh! Yes.
870
01:02:16,218 --> 01:02:20,052
Okay, so you must be thirsty, no!
871
01:02:20,556 --> 01:02:22,490
Here.
872
01:02:22,658 --> 01:02:24,649
Where you get this!
873
01:02:24,827 --> 01:02:27,261
This! From specialty shop
on West Side.
874
01:02:27,429 --> 01:02:30,956
This Middle Eastern drink.
You know this! Fizzy Bubblech!
875
01:02:31,133 --> 01:02:34,296
No, no, no. It looks pretty good.
876
01:02:34,470 --> 01:02:37,337
Oh, try, try. It's very good.
Try, have a sip.
877
01:02:41,577 --> 01:02:42,669
It's not for me.
878
01:02:42,845 --> 01:02:44,745
No! Really!
879
01:02:48,350 --> 01:02:50,648
This is his shop.
880
01:02:50,819 --> 01:02:53,185
Here is photo for compare.
881
01:02:53,355 --> 01:02:55,915
For how long this take!
I close the newsstand.
882
01:02:57,292 --> 01:03:00,853
Make sure you ask him
if he ever hit by shoe.
883
01:03:01,029 --> 01:03:06,194
And about the prize goat
that can fetch a bowl of onion soup.
884
01:03:06,802 --> 01:03:10,636
Look in his eyes when you
ask him this, for they will be suffering.
885
01:03:10,806 --> 01:03:13,036
- You know, I just got haircut.
- Go.
886
01:03:14,476 --> 01:03:19,277
Look at this. I feel like Hugh Hefner
with all you little bunnies around here.
887
01:03:22,217 --> 01:03:26,313
Okay, okay,
let's see who is going next.
888
01:03:27,556 --> 01:03:31,652
"Jorge Posada," where are you!
889
01:03:31,827 --> 01:03:32,987
That's me.
890
01:03:34,596 --> 01:03:37,394
Okay, good-looking guy,
you take a seat there. You're next.
891
01:03:38,066 --> 01:03:40,534
You know, you look like
you already just got haircut.
892
01:03:41,570 --> 01:03:43,629
No, no.
893
01:03:43,805 --> 01:03:47,673
So I guessing you're looking for
something in the silky smooth area!
894
01:03:47,843 --> 01:03:51,142
- Well...
- Because I see you have nice curls.
895
01:03:51,313 --> 01:03:53,907
You don't want to
cut into those curls.
896
01:03:54,082 --> 01:03:56,016
We will talk about this over there.
897
01:03:56,185 --> 01:04:00,622
Okay, Scrappy, I wait.
898
01:04:00,789 --> 01:04:03,383
Is not like I have a shoe to throw.
899
01:04:04,660 --> 01:04:06,491
Sure. Yes. Beautiful. Whatever.
900
01:04:06,662 --> 01:04:10,826
I don't have time to go watch
a goat fetch soap.
901
01:04:11,633 --> 01:04:14,693
- What!
- What! I don't know.
902
01:04:14,870 --> 01:04:16,269
Listen, my friend...
903
01:04:16,438 --> 01:04:19,373
...you want to talk, it's good,
but you have to wait your turn.
904
01:04:19,541 --> 01:04:21,668
First I have to cut and bang
Mrs. Greenhouse.
905
01:04:21,843 --> 01:04:23,868
- That's right.
- Okay.
906
01:04:28,417 --> 01:04:30,112
Well, I'm ready for it.
907
01:04:30,285 --> 01:04:32,480
Oh, dear.
908
01:04:33,956 --> 01:04:38,586
I am sorry, Mrs. Greenhouse.
I am not man enough for you today.
909
01:04:38,760 --> 01:04:41,524
Oh, Scrappy, it's fine.
910
01:04:41,697 --> 01:04:45,531
I don't know what the problem is.
I am going to lose business.
911
01:04:45,701 --> 01:04:49,603
Oh, no, dear. You're still adorable.
912
01:04:49,771 --> 01:04:52,535
The screwing
was really just a bonus.
913
01:04:53,408 --> 01:04:56,900
You are an angel, Mrs. Greenhouse.
914
01:04:57,079 --> 01:05:00,173
An angel with a magic throat.
915
01:05:00,349 --> 01:05:02,214
Oh, Scrappy!
916
01:05:03,518 --> 01:05:06,954
No, that could work.
One more, please.
917
01:05:07,122 --> 01:05:08,714
Let's see what we got.
918
01:05:08,890 --> 01:05:11,051
And we're still nothing.
919
01:05:23,538 --> 01:05:24,562
Well!
920
01:05:24,740 --> 01:05:26,731
He was very cool.
921
01:05:26,908 --> 01:05:28,933
Idiot. What did he say!
922
01:05:29,578 --> 01:05:33,981
He think I have nice curls
that go well with a full face.
923
01:05:34,149 --> 01:05:37,312
- But was it him!
- Well, it looked like him.
924
01:05:37,486 --> 01:05:38,953
But hard to know.
925
01:05:39,121 --> 01:05:43,820
I tell you this: he didn't seem to care
when I talk about goat fetching soap.
926
01:05:44,860 --> 01:05:49,593
Soup. The goat fetched soup.
You ruin everything.
927
01:05:49,765 --> 01:05:51,756
Soup! This makes no sense.
928
01:05:51,933 --> 01:05:54,834
Screw you. It's him. I know it's him.
929
01:05:55,003 --> 01:05:58,598
The goat fetched soup!
This is unbelievable.
930
01:05:58,774 --> 01:06:01,106
Go to hell.
931
01:06:01,777 --> 01:06:03,005
You said it was urgent!
932
01:06:03,178 --> 01:06:06,375
It's an emergency.
Please, take a look.
933
01:06:07,683 --> 01:06:08,707
Yes, yes.
934
01:06:09,618 --> 01:06:13,554
Well, that's not a real problem.
You can always shave it.
935
01:06:14,623 --> 01:06:16,648
No, not the bush.
936
01:06:16,825 --> 01:06:20,784
No, inside the bush.
Look deeper. Him.
937
01:06:20,962 --> 01:06:23,192
- I see.
- He lays in there all day long.
938
01:06:23,365 --> 01:06:27,426
Maybe it needs some more oxygen.
It looks like it's being strangled.
939
01:06:29,471 --> 01:06:31,564
So the Palestinian says to the priest:
940
01:06:31,740 --> 01:06:35,005
"Okay, but let's skip the bath."
941
01:06:36,244 --> 01:06:38,075
Why, are they not clean!
942
01:06:38,246 --> 01:06:39,577
No, is good joke.
943
01:06:40,949 --> 01:06:44,077
Honey, are you all right!
You've been in there for over an hour.
944
01:06:44,252 --> 01:06:48,621
What is this stuff! I mean, I took one
sip and I repainted the whole toilet.
945
01:06:48,790 --> 01:06:51,350
Is Fizzy Bubblech.
You'll get used to it, relax.
946
01:06:51,526 --> 01:06:54,017
I don't wanna get used to it.
My car couldn't.
947
01:06:56,231 --> 01:06:59,564
- All right, that's it for me. I'm done.
- What! What!
948
01:06:59,735 --> 01:07:01,134
Is everything all right!
949
01:07:01,303 --> 01:07:03,362
- Is it about the pee-pee!
- Stop it.
950
01:07:03,538 --> 01:07:06,200
- The pee-pee!
- He can't do with his peepeechosetz.
951
01:07:06,375 --> 01:07:09,867
Really!
He's usually as hard as trigonometry.
952
01:07:10,045 --> 01:07:12,411
- Mom. What...!
- When did this happen!
953
01:07:13,148 --> 01:07:14,672
The last few days.
954
01:07:14,850 --> 01:07:18,081
Of course. It's ever since
you went out with that Dalia.
955
01:07:19,354 --> 01:07:24,053
Your hog is telling you something.
She must be the one.
956
01:07:24,226 --> 01:07:26,751
The one!
957
01:07:26,928 --> 01:07:28,259
Is this possible!
958
01:07:28,430 --> 01:07:31,092
Of course it's possible, man.
959
01:07:31,266 --> 01:07:35,464
All the beaverim in the world
and he falls for Palestinian muffich.
960
01:07:36,104 --> 01:07:38,368
Why should Scrappy care
if she's Palestinian!
961
01:07:38,540 --> 01:07:41,805
He's from Australia and Tibet.
He's not Israeli.
962
01:07:41,977 --> 01:07:43,308
- No, no, no.
- Oh, no, no, no.
963
01:07:45,781 --> 01:07:47,078
Exactly.
964
01:07:47,249 --> 01:07:48,841
What was that, a motor boat!
965
01:07:49,017 --> 01:07:50,245
You know, Scrappy...
966
01:07:50,419 --> 01:07:55,550
...a special woman is special
no matter where she's from.
967
01:07:55,724 --> 01:07:57,988
Listen to your hog.
968
01:07:58,760 --> 01:08:02,196
Someone special.
969
01:08:02,364 --> 01:08:03,490
Maybe is good.
970
01:08:03,665 --> 01:08:05,792
It's good! It's terrific!
971
01:08:06,635 --> 01:08:09,468
I mean, you know,
you guys won't be together anymore...
972
01:08:09,638 --> 01:08:12,106
...but Scrappy is in love.
That's great, awesome.
973
01:08:12,841 --> 01:08:14,433
Thank you for your support.
974
01:08:14,609 --> 01:08:16,201
- Is a good boy.
- Good boy.
975
01:08:16,378 --> 01:08:19,074
This is fun. Let's celebrate.
Where's the cat!
976
01:08:19,247 --> 01:08:21,875
Let's cat-sack, huh! Throw it to me.
977
01:08:22,050 --> 01:08:24,746
- Got you.
- Let's play, man.
978
01:08:27,522 --> 01:08:29,149
Take it, Michael.
979
01:08:33,895 --> 01:08:35,021
Look at you.
980
01:08:38,600 --> 01:08:40,898
I wanna try it.
981
01:08:48,276 --> 01:08:49,402
Is good.
982
01:08:51,847 --> 01:08:53,678
Welcome to Hezbollah phone line.
983
01:08:53,849 --> 01:08:56,409
For membership information,
press one.
984
01:08:56,585 --> 01:08:59,247
For negotiation update, press two.
985
01:08:59,421 --> 01:09:02,151
For bonus mile information,
press three.
986
01:09:02,324 --> 01:09:05,623
For terrorist supplies, press four.
987
01:09:07,095 --> 01:09:10,087
We have currently suspended
our terrorist supply service...
988
01:09:10,265 --> 01:09:13,257
... as we are engaged
in negotiations with Israel.
989
01:09:13,435 --> 01:09:18,771
We will resume service as soon as
negotiations break down. Thank you.
990
01:09:18,940 --> 01:09:21,067
Great.
991
01:09:21,543 --> 01:09:23,909
Come on. Just think of a bomb.
992
01:09:24,079 --> 01:09:28,379
They say you can make bomb from
everyday's material. You combine.
993
01:09:28,550 --> 01:09:31,576
Yes, okay.
But what we combination!
994
01:09:33,555 --> 01:09:35,079
Just think of chemicals.
995
01:09:35,257 --> 01:09:37,851
Chemicals, like in science class.
996
01:09:38,026 --> 01:09:39,926
Yes.
997
01:09:45,233 --> 01:09:48,259
Who remembers this stuff!
998
01:09:51,072 --> 01:09:52,130
Hello.
999
01:09:52,307 --> 01:09:54,935
Well, can I help you fellas
find anything!
1000
01:09:55,110 --> 01:09:58,568
Yes, do you have...
1001
01:10:00,582 --> 01:10:05,315
..."liquid nitrogen."
1002
01:10:06,521 --> 01:10:08,148
You need what!
1003
01:10:08,323 --> 01:10:12,987
Liquid nitrogen.
1004
01:10:14,663 --> 01:10:18,463
Yeah. Well, I suppose
we have some of that.
1005
01:10:18,633 --> 01:10:19,895
Now, just a moment.
1006
01:10:26,274 --> 01:10:29,471
- This is it!
- Yes, and that's the large container.
1007
01:10:30,779 --> 01:10:32,337
This works!
1008
01:10:32,514 --> 01:10:34,175
Oh, it works quite well. Yes.
1009
01:10:35,483 --> 01:10:36,507
You use!
1010
01:10:36,685 --> 01:10:40,143
From time to time. Sure.
1011
01:10:44,726 --> 01:10:46,694
We'll take 12.
1012
01:10:47,696 --> 01:10:50,631
Look, you can turn off the water...
1013
01:10:50,799 --> 01:10:53,597
...but we will find a way
to keep on going.
1014
01:10:53,768 --> 01:10:55,827
Oh, you like when I spray you,
Mrs. Skitzer!
1015
01:10:56,004 --> 01:10:57,801
Where's the $ 14,000!
1016
01:10:58,373 --> 01:11:02,275
I have your rent right here.
There is no getting rid of me.
1017
01:11:02,444 --> 01:11:03,877
We don't wanna get rid of you.
1018
01:11:04,045 --> 01:11:08,482
Mr. Walbridge would actually like to
relocate your salon in our new mall.
1019
01:11:08,650 --> 01:11:11,881
You mean the one you want to destroy
this community to build!
1020
01:11:12,053 --> 01:11:14,521
It is not our intent
to destroy this community.
1021
01:11:15,390 --> 01:11:19,793
I'll take the community, Pancake.
1022
01:11:19,961 --> 01:11:23,226
My name is Gray, and I'll be back.
1023
01:11:23,932 --> 01:11:25,661
Nice to meet you, Pancake.
1024
01:11:29,437 --> 01:11:30,461
Why Pancake!
1025
01:11:31,306 --> 01:11:32,330
Just for fun.
1026
01:11:33,108 --> 01:11:35,076
You were amazing right there.
1027
01:11:38,213 --> 01:11:39,237
Oh, my God.
1028
01:11:39,414 --> 01:11:41,439
What!
1029
01:11:41,616 --> 01:11:43,379
I have one.
1030
01:11:43,885 --> 01:11:44,977
What!
1031
01:11:45,153 --> 01:11:47,644
I have zikpah.
1032
01:11:47,822 --> 01:11:49,016
Look at it.
1033
01:11:50,325 --> 01:11:53,089
It is you.
1034
01:11:53,862 --> 01:11:57,923
Dalia, I don't know how to tell you this.
I cannot make sticky with anyone else.
1035
01:11:59,000 --> 01:12:01,901
You are the special one.
1036
01:12:02,070 --> 01:12:05,528
I will only be stiff for you.
1037
01:12:06,841 --> 01:12:08,365
Who is Steve!
1038
01:12:08,543 --> 01:12:10,943
Stiff, with an F.
1039
01:12:13,448 --> 01:12:16,076
- Stiff. Stiff.
- Yes.
1040
01:12:16,685 --> 01:12:18,277
Okay...
1041
01:12:18,453 --> 01:12:22,446
...I know you meant that
in a good way...
1042
01:12:22,624 --> 01:12:23,852
The best of ways.
1043
01:12:24,025 --> 01:12:26,459
- so thank you.
1044
01:12:26,628 --> 01:12:28,755
Thank you.
1045
01:12:30,098 --> 01:12:31,725
Is crazy.
1046
01:12:31,900 --> 01:12:35,199
This has never happened.
1047
01:12:35,370 --> 01:12:36,962
One woman...
1048
01:12:37,138 --> 01:12:39,333
...one zikpah...
1049
01:12:39,507 --> 01:12:41,202
...one life.
1050
01:13:04,566 --> 01:13:07,694
You see his face!
Scared Israeli son of bitch.
1051
01:13:07,869 --> 01:13:09,837
Salim, this is not bomb.
1052
01:13:10,004 --> 01:13:11,369
What you mean "not bomb"!
1053
01:13:11,539 --> 01:13:14,167
It's grade A liquid nitrogen.
1054
01:13:14,342 --> 01:13:16,037
Guys, I really need to go home.
1055
01:13:16,211 --> 01:13:18,372
Inaz have a soccer match
in the morning.
1056
01:13:18,546 --> 01:13:22,038
- I am hero.
- Salim, this not bomb. It just go:
1057
01:13:22,217 --> 01:13:24,014
Well, just go with it.
1058
01:13:26,154 --> 01:13:27,781
I scraped some off the window.
1059
01:13:28,456 --> 01:13:29,753
Maybe you know what is!
1060
01:13:35,563 --> 01:13:40,023
It's Neosporin, it's nothing.
I use it for cuts and genital sores.
1061
01:13:43,238 --> 01:13:45,934
We're beginning to think
maybe someone out to get the Zo...
1062
01:13:46,107 --> 01:13:47,938
The Scrappy.
1063
01:13:48,109 --> 01:13:51,704
You mean like a competing salon!
That's heavy.
1064
01:13:51,880 --> 01:13:54,781
Don't be afraid, honey.
Don't be afraid.
1065
01:13:54,949 --> 01:13:56,678
Well, I...
1066
01:13:58,186 --> 01:14:00,882
Yeah, lick this.
No, she likes the tongue in the ear.
1067
01:14:01,055 --> 01:14:03,080
Oh, I like that bet... Oh, I like that.
1068
01:14:03,258 --> 01:14:05,351
Close with the brenski.
1069
01:14:07,762 --> 01:14:10,162
Come on, get some saliva
on those bad boys.
1070
01:14:10,331 --> 01:14:12,492
- She likes it, huh!
- Of course she likes it.
1071
01:14:12,667 --> 01:14:13,998
Okay.
1072
01:14:14,169 --> 01:14:17,229
I could look for clues. It's my shift
for community night watch.
1073
01:14:17,405 --> 01:14:19,134
The what!
The communism tight crotch!
1074
01:14:19,307 --> 01:14:21,275
Oh, it's the community
night watch program.
1075
01:14:21,442 --> 01:14:25,310
You know, people in the neighborhood
patrolling it, keeping it safe.
1076
01:14:25,480 --> 01:14:27,243
We kick some ass.
1077
01:14:27,415 --> 01:14:30,350
Hey, why don't you let Scrappy Coco
take your shift tonight!
1078
01:14:30,518 --> 01:14:32,918
- I bet he'd be good at this.
- Oori.
1079
01:14:33,521 --> 01:14:35,489
What! For clues.
1080
01:14:35,657 --> 01:14:40,253
I know it sounds scary, Scrappy,
but you are gonna be just fine.
1081
01:14:41,129 --> 01:14:43,256
Maybe I can manage one night.
1082
01:14:43,431 --> 01:14:45,160
Maybe you can pretzel some people.
1083
01:14:45,333 --> 01:14:48,359
- Thank you for getting the hummus.
- The hummus.
1084
01:14:49,003 --> 01:14:50,493
Where's Patches!
1085
01:14:50,672 --> 01:14:52,435
Patches.
1086
01:14:56,010 --> 01:14:59,002
I'm terrified right now.
I'm totally terrified.
1087
01:14:59,180 --> 01:15:01,478
"Shitting my pants"
doesn't come close.
1088
01:15:01,649 --> 01:15:03,742
I wish I was shitting my pants.
1089
01:15:03,918 --> 01:15:05,783
It's just a patrol.
1090
01:15:05,954 --> 01:15:07,251
What if something goes down!
1091
01:15:07,422 --> 01:15:09,617
I don't know if I'd have the courage.
1092
01:15:09,791 --> 01:15:12,555
What if something goes down
and someone got killed!
1093
01:15:12,727 --> 01:15:16,219
I would have to live with that.
I'd be happier shitting my pants.
1094
01:15:16,397 --> 01:15:17,694
Much happier.
1095
01:15:21,769 --> 01:15:23,930
- Let's go.
- We're supposed to call the police.
1096
01:15:24,105 --> 01:15:25,197
No. No time.
1097
01:15:25,373 --> 01:15:27,273
No, no. No. It's good.
1098
01:15:30,378 --> 01:15:31,402
Drop the paint.
1099
01:15:32,814 --> 01:15:35,908
Get out of here, Ahab,
or I'll cut your eyes out.
1100
01:15:36,084 --> 01:15:38,552
- Maybe we should let him finish.
- No, no, no.
1101
01:15:38,720 --> 01:15:41,484
What you cut my eyes out with!
The Neosporin!
1102
01:15:44,492 --> 01:15:46,221
My blade, camel jockey.
1103
01:15:46,394 --> 01:15:49,795
My friend, the beating I give you
if you stop the spraying...
1104
01:15:49,964 --> 01:15:53,456
...is much less than the beating
I give you if you try to cut me.
1105
01:15:57,772 --> 01:15:59,069
What are you laughing at!
1106
01:15:59,941 --> 01:16:02,637
That was just with everyone.
1107
01:16:13,454 --> 01:16:15,115
They had it coming to them, right!
1108
01:16:15,290 --> 01:16:17,520
Yeah. Yeah, it seemed like it. Yeah.
1109
01:16:17,692 --> 01:16:21,492
- Okay, you take it from here.
- I got it.
1110
01:16:21,663 --> 01:16:23,028
Everything's gonna be okay.
1111
01:16:26,467 --> 01:16:28,697
What you gotta say about that, huh!
1112
01:16:32,974 --> 01:16:35,374
You're telling me
our guys can't handle...
1113
01:16:35,543 --> 01:16:38,774
...some neighborhood
night-watching losers!
1114
01:16:38,947 --> 01:16:41,814
We can't even put a scare
into these people!
1115
01:16:41,983 --> 01:16:43,712
The main guy who got in the way...
1116
01:16:43,885 --> 01:16:47,048
...is the same one who's bringing
old biddies into Rafaela Salon.
1117
01:16:47,221 --> 01:16:48,415
My aunt goes there.
1118
01:16:48,589 --> 01:16:51,990
She says besides the sex,
the guy gives a pretty good haircut.
1119
01:16:52,160 --> 01:16:54,287
Don't talk to me about that dump.
1120
01:16:54,462 --> 01:16:58,956
I've got a huge,
classy hotel standing there...
1121
01:16:59,133 --> 01:17:01,658
...and it's staring
at that cheap garbage.
1122
01:17:01,836 --> 01:17:04,168
I want it staring at the Supercuts.
1123
01:17:04,339 --> 01:17:10,141
Now, has anyone made any headway
with any of these foreign people!
1124
01:17:10,311 --> 01:17:13,371
I spoke to the manager of Going
Out Of Business again yesterday.
1125
01:17:13,548 --> 01:17:16,176
I stated our price
and the urgency of the matter...
1126
01:17:16,351 --> 01:17:19,343
...and he offered me two-thirds less
and a Toshiba DVD player.
1127
01:17:19,520 --> 01:17:22,080
The people at Everything Must Go
were just as difficult.
1128
01:17:22,256 --> 01:17:25,555
They offered me a Blu-ray disc
and a jar of hummus.
1129
01:17:26,060 --> 01:17:27,152
What's hummus!
1130
01:17:27,328 --> 01:17:29,228
It's a very tasty...
1131
01:17:29,397 --> 01:17:30,864
...diarrhea-like substance.
1132
01:17:31,032 --> 01:17:33,330
Grant Walbridge has a vision.
1133
01:17:33,501 --> 01:17:37,801
A vision for Lower Manhattan
to have the first indoor mall...
1134
01:17:37,972 --> 01:17:41,203
...with its own 300-foot
roller coaster.
1135
01:17:41,376 --> 01:17:44,709
You know, you're lucky I have
a world-class superhot girlfriend...
1136
01:17:44,879 --> 01:17:48,713
...with a perfectly proportioned
ass-to-breast ratio...
1137
01:17:48,883 --> 01:17:50,748
...or I'd be furious.
1138
01:17:50,918 --> 01:17:52,909
She is smoking, sir.
1139
01:17:53,087 --> 01:17:54,952
I'd pay
to spend an hour with her, sir.
1140
01:17:55,123 --> 01:17:56,385
Let me in on that.
1141
01:17:56,557 --> 01:17:58,115
Well, thank you.
1142
01:17:58,292 --> 01:18:04,356
But if you bitches
can't get those people out...
1143
01:18:04,532 --> 01:18:07,262
...I will find other people
who will get the job done.
1144
01:18:07,435 --> 01:18:10,199
However, whenever.
1145
01:18:11,439 --> 01:18:16,775
Walbridge!
1146
01:18:24,118 --> 01:18:25,483
This is where I find them.
1147
01:18:25,653 --> 01:18:28,918
But I don't know if it's same people
who try to Neosporin salon.
1148
01:18:29,090 --> 01:18:32,958
But you caught them writing this crap,
so, what do you do!
1149
01:18:35,129 --> 01:18:37,962
- You don't mess with the Zohan.
- Check it.
1150
01:18:38,132 --> 01:18:39,121
- Disco.
- Disco.
1151
01:18:39,300 --> 01:18:40,289
- Good.
- Good.
1152
01:18:40,468 --> 01:18:42,959
Why did you do this
to Naseef's store, huh!
1153
01:18:43,137 --> 01:18:44,604
Why you blame the Israelis!
1154
01:18:44,772 --> 01:18:46,672
We come to work,
go out of business.
1155
01:18:46,841 --> 01:18:49,708
No, no, no.
Is not Israeli who do this.
1156
01:18:49,877 --> 01:18:52,641
I do community watch.
Don't worry, it's all taken care of.
1157
01:18:52,814 --> 01:18:56,181
Not Israeli! Who else would write
"Arab go home"!
1158
01:18:56,350 --> 01:18:59,877
Oh, I don't know,
just maybe 99 percent of the world.
1159
01:19:00,755 --> 01:19:02,746
- You see what he says!
- That was joke.
1160
01:19:02,924 --> 01:19:06,587
Come on, come on.
You guys get along here, stop this.
1161
01:19:06,761 --> 01:19:10,857
Yeah, here it's okay. It's just there,
the war is never going to end.
1162
01:19:11,532 --> 01:19:14,899
You know, we were so close to peace
before the asshole shot Rabin.
1163
01:19:16,037 --> 01:19:17,402
Bush, he see the big picture.
1164
01:19:17,572 --> 01:19:20,006
Bush no want peace,
he set it all back.
1165
01:19:20,174 --> 01:19:23,610
What about Bush's wife!
This is a wife I would get sticky with.
1166
01:19:23,778 --> 01:19:25,905
I would do this. I would do this.
1167
01:19:26,080 --> 01:19:28,776
- Yes, yes.
- What about Clinton! I would do Hillary.
1168
01:19:30,685 --> 01:19:31,879
The big legs.
1169
01:19:32,053 --> 01:19:34,988
Yeah, she look strict,
like she's going to teach me a lesson.
1170
01:19:35,156 --> 01:19:37,317
- Yes, discipline.
- You know what's funny!
1171
01:19:37,492 --> 01:19:39,255
I like Chelsea.
1172
01:19:39,427 --> 01:19:41,019
You're crazy.
1173
01:19:42,363 --> 01:19:43,921
She has beautiful legs.
1174
01:19:44,899 --> 01:19:48,892
If I want legs, I'll take Obama's wife.
She has legs.
1175
01:19:49,070 --> 01:19:51,129
This is what happens
when they talk politics.
1176
01:19:51,305 --> 01:19:53,205
No, no, no, wife of McCain!
1177
01:19:53,374 --> 01:19:56,605
She has the ass,
and you know she's not getting any.
1178
01:19:57,812 --> 01:20:02,215
I understand my assistant
explained the job to you.
1179
01:20:02,383 --> 01:20:05,045
He told us. You wanna get
some people out your building...
1180
01:20:05,219 --> 01:20:08,154
...so you can build
some kind of roller coaster mall.
1181
01:20:08,322 --> 01:20:11,553
Sir, I just wanna thank you
for this opportunity.
1182
01:20:11,726 --> 01:20:15,890
I mean, it's a gift to mess with the Jews
and the terrorists on the same night.
1183
01:20:16,063 --> 01:20:17,394
I mean, it's like...
1184
01:20:17,565 --> 01:20:20,466
- It's like...
- Christmas in July.
1185
01:20:20,635 --> 01:20:22,500
It's like Christmas in July.
1186
01:20:22,670 --> 01:20:25,639
Right now
we are scheduled to sabotage...
1187
01:20:25,806 --> 01:20:28,673
... a black peoples' parade
in Chicago...
1188
01:20:28,843 --> 01:20:31,073
...but we can move that.
1189
01:20:31,245 --> 01:20:34,681
Well, I'm not really quite sure
how you move a parade.
1190
01:20:34,849 --> 01:20:37,340
That's easy, it's just a phone call.
1191
01:20:38,019 --> 01:20:41,352
Well, we'll be calling back
to make the arrangements.
1192
01:20:41,522 --> 01:20:45,424
Can I just say that I don't like
most rich people, but you get it.
1193
01:20:45,593 --> 01:20:48,084
We built this country
on the right to bear arms.
1194
01:20:48,262 --> 01:20:52,164
Now they're trying to tell me how many
bullets my gun can shoot per second.
1195
01:20:52,333 --> 01:20:56,064
They're trying to tell me
whether I can stockpile weapons...
1196
01:20:56,237 --> 01:20:57,932
...in the shed behind my house.
1197
01:20:58,105 --> 01:21:00,699
- Right, by God.
- Anyway, you're a rich guy that gets it.
1198
01:21:00,875 --> 01:21:03,139
You and Mel Gibson.
1199
01:21:05,580 --> 01:21:09,107
Mel Gibson. Not too shabby.
1200
01:21:11,586 --> 01:21:13,611
Welcome to Hezbollah
customer service.
1201
01:21:13,788 --> 01:21:15,221
All lines are busy now.
1202
01:21:15,389 --> 01:21:20,656
Your call will be received
in... minutes.
1203
01:21:21,429 --> 01:21:23,659
Come on with this.
How we find Phantom!
1204
01:21:23,831 --> 01:21:27,130
Well, he probably hang
at the muchentuchen restaurant.
1205
01:21:27,301 --> 01:21:29,826
Okay, but which!
He have, like, 200.
1206
01:21:30,004 --> 01:21:31,198
Probably in Amman.
1207
01:21:31,372 --> 01:21:33,567
In downtown
he get the hottest poochibaba.
1208
01:21:39,747 --> 01:21:42,511
What's the area code of Amman!
1209
01:22:23,524 --> 01:22:24,923
Hello. Phantom Muchentuchen.
1210
01:22:25,092 --> 01:22:27,652
Yes. I want speak Phantom.
1211
01:22:27,828 --> 01:22:29,762
What say! No English.
1212
01:22:30,164 --> 01:22:31,654
Idiot.
1213
01:22:31,832 --> 01:22:34,300
Want speak to Phantom.
1214
01:22:34,468 --> 01:22:37,369
No, no, no. Phantom not here.
Phantom Muchentuchen.
1215
01:22:37,538 --> 01:22:40,905
Yeah, yeah, I know.
But Phantom no come!
1216
01:22:41,075 --> 01:22:42,667
But what about for poonibaba!
1217
01:22:42,843 --> 01:22:46,244
No, no, poonibaba at store
on 3rd and Lachalta.
1218
01:22:46,414 --> 01:22:48,974
Oh, okay. So you have number
for store!
1219
01:22:49,150 --> 01:22:50,777
You call information.
1220
01:22:50,951 --> 01:22:53,385
You don't have number
for other store!
1221
01:22:55,823 --> 01:22:57,222
It's somewhere. I don't know.
1222
01:22:57,391 --> 01:23:03,330
Come on, get number! I calling from
America, fry bitch! I very important.
1223
01:23:03,497 --> 01:23:05,328
Salim, the kids.
1224
01:23:05,499 --> 01:23:08,627
When she is grown up
she will understand!
1225
01:23:10,237 --> 01:23:11,932
Hello.
1226
01:23:14,041 --> 01:23:17,306
I find the Zohan.
You not kill the Zohan.
1227
01:23:17,478 --> 01:23:19,070
I kill the Zohan.
1228
01:23:19,246 --> 01:23:22,113
No, you did not.
I find him in America.
1229
01:23:22,283 --> 01:23:24,877
I prove. I send you picture on cell.
1230
01:23:25,519 --> 01:23:27,282
Okay. Bring this.
1231
01:23:27,455 --> 01:23:28,649
I am bringing.
1232
01:23:35,062 --> 01:23:36,086
You see?
1233
01:23:36,263 --> 01:23:39,790
But the hairstyle, it is hideous.
1234
01:23:39,967 --> 01:23:41,059
This is same Zohan.
1235
01:23:41,235 --> 01:23:44,227
What he thinking! He look like guy
from Who's the Boss?
1236
01:23:44,405 --> 01:23:46,669
Look, this is same Zohan.
1237
01:23:46,841 --> 01:23:51,141
Everybody think you big hero.
But I tell everyone you not big hero.
1238
01:23:51,312 --> 01:23:53,280
Okay, okay, okay!
What you want, huh!
1239
01:23:53,447 --> 01:23:55,972
I want muchentuchen
restaurant chain.
1240
01:23:56,150 --> 01:23:57,310
No.
1241
01:23:57,485 --> 01:24:00,181
But if I tell,
you no have chain anyway.
1242
01:24:00,354 --> 01:24:02,618
So you not give any incentive.
1243
01:24:03,991 --> 01:24:06,926
Okay. I want 50 percent
of muchentuchen chain.
1244
01:24:07,094 --> 01:24:10,495
- Phantom & Salim Muchentuchen.
- No.
1245
01:24:10,664 --> 01:24:12,291
- Twenty-five percent.
- No.
1246
01:24:12,466 --> 01:24:15,458
I want yogurt shop attached to store,
like food court.
1247
01:24:15,936 --> 01:24:16,960
Okay.
1248
01:24:17,138 --> 01:24:19,038
- I get profits from store.
- No.
1249
01:24:19,206 --> 01:24:20,696
- Some profits.
- No.
1250
01:24:20,875 --> 01:24:22,843
I get free yogurt
when I come to store.
1251
01:24:23,544 --> 01:24:25,307
Okay. Within reason.
1252
01:24:25,479 --> 01:24:27,003
And I want some of your wives.
1253
01:24:27,448 --> 01:24:28,779
How many wives you want?
1254
01:24:28,949 --> 01:24:30,280
- Twenty.
- No.
1255
01:24:30,451 --> 01:24:32,282
- I sleep with one wife.
- No.
1256
01:24:32,453 --> 01:24:34,284
She give one pee-pee touch.
1257
01:24:35,189 --> 01:24:36,213
Okay.
1258
01:24:53,674 --> 01:24:56,734
My friends, look what I do.
I hook you all up with tickets.
1259
01:24:56,911 --> 01:24:59,675
This Walbridge guy's
trying to kiss salon's ass...
1260
01:24:59,847 --> 01:25:02,543
...so he give me 20 tickets
hackyside.
1261
01:25:02,716 --> 01:25:06,675
Very nice. Hassan, you see this!
1262
01:25:07,688 --> 01:25:10,885
This is where you're going to be
when Israel kick your ass.
1263
01:25:11,058 --> 01:25:14,357
Yes! No, you're gonna give it up
like you give up Gaza Strip, huh!
1264
01:25:16,397 --> 01:25:18,365
Excuse us.
1265
01:25:20,201 --> 01:25:21,293
I have to show you this.
1266
01:25:21,469 --> 01:25:25,064
Listen to Fatima Zaad's
gossip column on Page Nine.
1267
01:25:25,239 --> 01:25:28,333
"A hall of fame terrorist
is visiting New York...
1268
01:25:28,509 --> 01:25:30,841
...and not for the muchentuchen."
1269
01:25:31,545 --> 01:25:34,275
- Phantom's coming to the City!
- There's more.
1270
01:25:34,448 --> 01:25:38,612
"He's coming to hacky sack
a certain scrappy Israeli...
1271
01:25:38,786 --> 01:25:43,018
...who says he cuts hair,
but really cuts terrorist."
1272
01:25:44,658 --> 01:25:45,920
He's ruined everything.
1273
01:25:46,093 --> 01:25:48,391
Why you say! You the Zohan.
1274
01:25:48,562 --> 01:25:51,053
He come to hacky sack,
you take him out.
1275
01:25:51,232 --> 01:25:53,757
No, I don't care.
I come here to start new life.
1276
01:25:53,934 --> 01:25:56,835
Get new woman to love
and make the bang-boom.
1277
01:25:57,004 --> 01:25:59,234
Now my life's followed me here.
1278
01:26:08,082 --> 01:26:10,915
Maybe Phantom no care anymore.
1279
01:27:05,940 --> 01:27:08,465
You're an Israeli counterterrorist!
1280
01:27:08,642 --> 01:27:10,041
- I knew it.
- What!
1281
01:27:10,210 --> 01:27:13,509
Well, the Israeli part.
Because he's circumcised.
1282
01:27:14,481 --> 01:27:17,348
How is Dalia going to forgive me!
1283
01:27:17,518 --> 01:27:18,917
I'm liar.
1284
01:27:19,086 --> 01:27:22,021
She Palestinian, I'm no Australian.
1285
01:27:22,189 --> 01:27:25,124
You know, Scrappy...
I mean, "Zohard."
1286
01:27:25,292 --> 01:27:28,318
- if there's one thing I've learned
from all my relationships...
1287
01:27:28,495 --> 01:27:32,625
...with Jewish men, Puerto Rican men,
aborigines...
1288
01:27:34,301 --> 01:27:37,270
...you can't have secrets
in a relationship.
1289
01:27:37,438 --> 01:27:42,239
You tell her the truth
and if she really is this special one...
1290
01:27:42,409 --> 01:27:45,071
...everything will work out just fine.
1291
01:27:45,813 --> 01:27:47,906
I like this.
1292
01:27:52,918 --> 01:27:56,979
I am sorry I not tell you the truth before
I make you fall head over tits for me.
1293
01:27:57,155 --> 01:28:01,182
But believe me,
I am wanting you even more.
1294
01:28:02,194 --> 01:28:04,924
I know you're not from
where you say.
1295
01:28:05,096 --> 01:28:07,189
I see how you look
at the Fizzy Bubblech.
1296
01:28:07,365 --> 01:28:11,392
Then why you like this! Is it because
I Israel and you Palestine!
1297
01:28:11,570 --> 01:28:13,094
Come on, tell me in my face.
1298
01:28:13,271 --> 01:28:16,707
Zohan, you're not just Israel.
1299
01:28:16,875 --> 01:28:18,775
You Israel.
1300
01:28:18,944 --> 01:28:20,912
But you say hate is stupid.
1301
01:28:21,079 --> 01:28:24,879
That's why you run to America, to get
away from the hate and the fighting.
1302
01:28:25,483 --> 01:28:28,577
I was even thinking
we let all this cool down...
1303
01:28:28,753 --> 01:28:30,721
...I go out and get us
a house over there.
1304
01:28:30,889 --> 01:28:33,483
We move in together,
we cut the hair...
1305
01:28:33,658 --> 01:28:36,422
...make the children,
cut the children's hair.
1306
01:28:36,595 --> 01:28:38,961
Zohan, I can't.
1307
01:28:39,831 --> 01:28:43,426
I have open mind,
but you Israeli counterterrorist.
1308
01:28:43,602 --> 01:28:45,297
No, no, no. I no do this anymore.
1309
01:28:45,470 --> 01:28:48,200
You put the fork in the fat lady,
it's over.
1310
01:28:48,373 --> 01:28:50,534
She's had enough to eat.
This is a promise.
1311
01:28:50,709 --> 01:28:53,200
It doesn't matter.
1312
01:28:53,378 --> 01:28:55,471
You don't know my family.
1313
01:28:55,647 --> 01:28:58,115
Or maybe you do.
1314
01:28:58,283 --> 01:28:59,545
What does this mean!
1315
01:29:00,785 --> 01:29:02,548
Just leave.
1316
01:29:02,721 --> 01:29:04,655
Please, it can't be.
1317
01:29:09,094 --> 01:29:11,426
Maybe is for best.
1318
01:29:12,264 --> 01:29:15,392
You deserve a safe life.
1319
01:29:16,735 --> 01:29:18,896
But know...
1320
01:29:19,838 --> 01:29:23,069
...you will always be my special one.
1321
01:29:34,686 --> 01:29:36,779
- Zohan.
- Dalia.
1322
01:29:39,424 --> 01:29:40,857
I got you a gift.
1323
01:29:41,026 --> 01:29:43,153
A gift.
1324
01:29:46,931 --> 01:29:49,422
They come out with new book!
1325
01:29:49,601 --> 01:29:54,436
Yes. They do it
every 21 years, I think.
1326
01:29:54,606 --> 01:29:56,801
Just a slight update from yours.
1327
01:30:02,514 --> 01:30:04,505
No feathering!
1328
01:30:04,683 --> 01:30:05,980
Or scrunching!
1329
01:30:06,718 --> 01:30:08,015
Where's the style!
1330
01:30:09,054 --> 01:30:13,787
But I know this is nice gesture.
Thank you.
1331
01:30:15,060 --> 01:30:16,687
Goodbye, Zohan.
1332
01:30:16,861 --> 01:30:19,091
Goodbye.
1333
01:30:25,537 --> 01:30:27,630
Goodbye.
1334
01:30:52,697 --> 01:30:54,358
I'm sorry it didn't work out.
1335
01:30:54,532 --> 01:30:56,022
Me too.
1336
01:30:56,201 --> 01:30:57,463
You still go to Hacky Sack!
1337
01:30:57,635 --> 01:31:00,604
Yes, it's better I find him
than he finds me, huh!
1338
01:31:00,772 --> 01:31:03,832
I got your back.
I get you best army guys in city.
1339
01:31:04,008 --> 01:31:06,977
No, no, no. I handle this alone.
1340
01:31:16,955 --> 01:31:18,752
Hello! Let's go.
1341
01:31:37,075 --> 01:31:39,543
Go. Go, go, go.
1342
01:32:04,636 --> 01:32:09,073
Ladies and gentlemen,
here are your Israeli Blue Stars...
1343
01:32:09,240 --> 01:32:13,404
... and your Lebanese Trees!
1344
01:32:25,089 --> 01:32:27,319
Fizzy Bubblech.
1345
01:32:39,904 --> 01:32:42,395
What's with the cheers!
Wasn't that guy a terrorist!
1346
01:32:42,574 --> 01:32:45,065
Yeah, people used to boo
you too, John, you remember!
1347
01:32:45,243 --> 01:32:46,767
I wasn't a terrorist.
1348
01:32:46,945 --> 01:32:49,209
You were pretty bad.
1349
01:32:51,216 --> 01:32:55,175
I brought this great event
to New York to tell the world...
1350
01:32:55,353 --> 01:32:57,321
...that New York City...
1351
01:32:57,489 --> 01:33:01,721
...loves its foreign immigrant-types
from the Middle East.
1352
01:33:02,861 --> 01:33:07,594
My hot girlfriend and I
know that we can all get along...
1353
01:33:07,765 --> 01:33:13,226
...whether you're white, or brown,
or khaki, whatever that color is.
1354
01:33:13,404 --> 01:33:17,738
And here to sing
the American national anthem...
1355
01:33:17,909 --> 01:33:20,377
...a superstar we all love:
1356
01:33:20,545 --> 01:33:22,775
Mariah Carey!
1357
01:33:49,140 --> 01:33:50,664
Goal!
1358
01:33:50,842 --> 01:33:53,106
And disco break!
1359
01:34:08,293 --> 01:34:11,626
Disco, disco, good, good!
Disco, disco, good, good!
1360
01:34:11,796 --> 01:34:15,664
Disco, disco, good, good!
Disco, disco, good, good!
1361
01:34:17,869 --> 01:34:19,666
Okay, Mariah. Couple more.
1362
01:34:19,837 --> 01:34:22,635
This one's from Sheik Fayalah
of Lebanon.
1363
01:34:22,807 --> 01:34:25,298
He wants you to write
"All I want for Ramadan is you."
1364
01:34:25,476 --> 01:34:26,636
Okay, this again!
1365
01:34:26,811 --> 01:34:27,971
- I know.
- All right.
1366
01:34:28,146 --> 01:34:30,171
MC, there's a Mr. Phantom
here to see you.
1367
01:34:30,348 --> 01:34:32,475
Who's Phantom,
a dude trying to be a rapper!
1368
01:34:32,650 --> 01:34:35,710
- Because I don't know who that is.
- He says he's a killing machine.
1369
01:34:36,454 --> 01:34:38,149
Whatever. Okay.
1370
01:34:40,458 --> 01:34:42,722
Miss Mariah Carey.
1371
01:34:44,062 --> 01:34:47,031
It is a pleasure to meet you.
1372
01:34:47,198 --> 01:34:50,759
Thank you. Nice to meet you.
Hi, how are you!
1373
01:34:50,935 --> 01:34:54,393
Miss Carey, your high notes
are so beautiful...
1374
01:34:54,572 --> 01:34:58,975
...like a Scud missile
soaring towards its target.
1375
01:34:59,677 --> 01:35:01,975
- Thank you. That's really nice.
- Thank you.
1376
01:35:02,146 --> 01:35:03,841
So you know I'm not dead.
1377
01:35:05,483 --> 01:35:07,713
Oh, I sorry I startle.
1378
01:35:07,885 --> 01:35:11,753
I was not startle. I saw a bee.
1379
01:35:11,923 --> 01:35:14,391
There's a bee! I'm allergic.
It's not even funny.
1380
01:35:14,559 --> 01:35:17,050
No, no, no. Look.
The bee is gone. He's gone.
1381
01:35:17,228 --> 01:35:19,492
Mariah, believe me, there's no bee.
1382
01:35:19,664 --> 01:35:21,529
I'm allergic. You know I'm allergic.
1383
01:35:21,699 --> 01:35:26,500
No, no, no. The bee... Forget the bee.
The bee is made up, it's fiction.
1384
01:35:26,671 --> 01:35:29,003
It was a black wasp.
1385
01:35:29,173 --> 01:35:31,164
- promising me
that there was no bee here.
1386
01:35:31,342 --> 01:35:33,037
There was no bee. He says the bee...
1387
01:35:33,211 --> 01:35:36,442
...so he can look more like a person
who would not scream like this.
1388
01:35:36,614 --> 01:35:38,912
- Are you sure!
- I promise you.
1389
01:35:39,083 --> 01:35:40,414
I beg your cleavage's pardon.
1390
01:35:40,585 --> 01:35:45,022
We will be out of your bouncy hair
in a jiffy. Is between us.
1391
01:35:45,189 --> 01:35:47,851
I was going to kill you tomorrow...
1392
01:35:48,026 --> 01:35:54,431
...but I guess jackass
can't wait to die for real.
1393
01:35:54,599 --> 01:35:56,260
Do y'all want us to leave!
Because we can go.
1394
01:35:56,434 --> 01:35:58,095
- No, no, no.
- No, no, no.
1395
01:35:58,269 --> 01:36:00,965
- We are not even here.
- Almost done. Give it a few seconds.
1396
01:36:03,041 --> 01:36:05,509
I came here to the States to
stop the fighting...
1397
01:36:05,677 --> 01:36:07,702
...but I guess
this will never end, eh!
1398
01:36:08,813 --> 01:36:12,579
Oh, Zohan does not want
to fight anymore.
1399
01:36:12,750 --> 01:36:14,240
Scared of bees, huh!
1400
01:36:14,419 --> 01:36:17,616
Now I'm afraid of the bees!
I'm afraid of the bees!
1401
01:36:17,789 --> 01:36:19,916
What! You're the one that
brings up the bees.
1402
01:36:21,159 --> 01:36:23,684
Your hair. Your hair does not
do you justice.
1403
01:36:23,861 --> 01:36:26,159
You don't like this hair!
I think you're alone on this one.
1404
01:36:26,330 --> 01:36:27,797
Everyone else
going crazy for it.
1405
01:36:27,965 --> 01:36:30,456
I like the 'fro better.
1406
01:36:30,635 --> 01:36:31,932
Hang on, I'm getting a call.
1407
01:36:34,038 --> 01:36:35,130
Michael, what is!
1408
01:36:35,306 --> 01:36:37,467
Zohan? We have a problem here.
1409
01:36:37,642 --> 01:36:40,304
- Where you get that!
- This is a Sony Ericsson.
1410
01:36:40,478 --> 01:36:42,912
- It has Bluetooth!
- Of course it has Bluetooth.
1411
01:36:43,081 --> 01:36:45,413
I can never figure that
Bluetooth shit out, though.
1412
01:36:45,583 --> 01:36:48,177
Oh, no, it's very simple.
You sync it to your PowerBook.
1413
01:36:48,352 --> 01:36:50,980
- Tell her. Phantom will tell you.
- Mac or PC!
1414
01:36:51,656 --> 01:36:53,817
- Mac.
- You have MySpace!
1415
01:36:53,991 --> 01:36:56,221
The record company does.
It's not really mine.
1416
01:36:56,394 --> 01:36:59,363
Please, add me as a friend.
1417
01:37:00,164 --> 01:37:01,188
Sure, yeah, yeah.
1418
01:37:01,365 --> 01:37:04,357
Sure, as Huge Boner.
We'll add you tomorrow.
1419
01:37:04,569 --> 01:37:05,661
Michael, what is!
1420
01:37:05,837 --> 01:37:12,003
There's a bunch of guys and they are
lighting fires and it's getting pretty bad.
1421
01:37:14,412 --> 01:37:16,403
No. Stay where you are.
1422
01:37:16,581 --> 01:37:18,071
Yeah, we'll stay up here.
1423
01:37:18,616 --> 01:37:20,880
- What! Where you go!
- I have bigger fish to swim.
1424
01:37:21,052 --> 01:37:23,816
- Mariah, I love the newest album.
- Thank you.
1425
01:37:47,645 --> 01:37:50,170
The Zohan.
1426
01:37:53,618 --> 01:37:54,846
My pita shop.
1427
01:37:56,788 --> 01:37:58,016
They burned it down.
1428
01:38:11,402 --> 01:38:12,733
Why you do this!
1429
01:38:12,904 --> 01:38:15,532
We no do this. We at Hacky Sack
as much as the next guy.
1430
01:38:15,706 --> 01:38:19,472
And I wish that we should do this,
after you write that shit on my wall.
1431
01:38:21,479 --> 01:38:23,037
Across street!
1432
01:38:23,214 --> 01:38:25,739
- Waleed, Waleed. Look, Waleed!
- No. My store.
1433
01:38:25,917 --> 01:38:30,081
You people ruined my store.
You people ruined my store!
1434
01:38:35,293 --> 01:38:37,488
What I miss!
I was stuck on West Broadway.
1435
01:38:37,662 --> 01:38:40,290
The Israeli burned down my store!
1436
01:38:40,464 --> 01:38:41,761
No, no, no.
1437
01:38:41,933 --> 01:38:43,696
I save store.
1438
01:38:43,868 --> 01:38:46,462
Then I kill the Zohan.
1439
01:38:48,906 --> 01:38:51,431
Phantom, kick its ass.
1440
01:38:51,609 --> 01:38:52,940
Jab it to the right.
1441
01:38:53,110 --> 01:38:54,975
Stick and move, Phantom.
Stick and move.
1442
01:38:55,680 --> 01:38:58,171
He can't do this alone.
1443
01:39:01,619 --> 01:39:03,018
Don't back down. Kick its ass.
1444
01:39:26,410 --> 01:39:28,378
Phantom.
1445
01:39:32,149 --> 01:39:33,514
Why you help me!
1446
01:39:34,051 --> 01:39:37,248
Because I'm through with this.
1447
01:39:37,421 --> 01:39:38,718
I no more fight.
1448
01:39:40,224 --> 01:39:43,557
You do whatever you want,
but I no fight back.
1449
01:39:44,395 --> 01:39:46,556
It's trick, huh!
1450
01:39:46,731 --> 01:39:47,857
No.
1451
01:39:50,601 --> 01:39:53,069
- Fight back.
- No.
1452
01:39:53,237 --> 01:39:56,229
- Fight back!
- No.
1453
01:39:57,842 --> 01:39:58,968
Fight back, Zohan.
1454
01:39:59,143 --> 01:40:01,373
Fight him back. What are you doing!
Fight back.
1455
01:40:03,514 --> 01:40:04,572
No.
1456
01:40:04,749 --> 01:40:08,014
This is not fun for anybody.
1457
01:40:08,185 --> 01:40:09,550
Why you not fight back!
1458
01:40:09,720 --> 01:40:13,383
Because he know better.
He show you he change.
1459
01:40:13,791 --> 01:40:14,815
Sister!
1460
01:40:14,992 --> 01:40:16,983
When you gonna grow up, Fatoush!
1461
01:40:17,161 --> 01:40:18,355
Fatoush!
1462
01:40:18,529 --> 01:40:21,191
No, no, no Fatoush.
1463
01:40:21,365 --> 01:40:24,892
Is Phantom now.
And is my business.
1464
01:40:25,069 --> 01:40:27,697
Is my man, Fatoush.
1465
01:40:27,872 --> 01:40:29,339
You're my woman!
1466
01:40:29,507 --> 01:40:31,031
You Phantom's sister!
1467
01:40:31,208 --> 01:40:33,108
You tapping the Zohan!
1468
01:40:33,644 --> 01:40:35,475
You settle for a pee-pee touch!
1469
01:40:35,646 --> 01:40:38,877
I wouldn't say "settle."
It was negotiation.
1470
01:40:39,050 --> 01:40:40,278
Fatoush is talking.
1471
01:40:41,786 --> 01:40:44,949
Yes. I am Phantom's sister.
1472
01:40:46,390 --> 01:40:50,224
And, no, Fatoush,
I am not tapping the Zohan.
1473
01:40:50,394 --> 01:40:54,296
But I think I love him.
1474
01:40:56,767 --> 01:40:58,098
This is good.
1475
01:40:58,269 --> 01:41:00,931
Of course you love me.
I'm very good man.
1476
01:41:04,675 --> 01:41:08,076
Brother, here in America
we're the same.
1477
01:41:08,245 --> 01:41:12,113
We just people trying to get jobs
cutting hair, driving cabs...
1478
01:41:12,283 --> 01:41:14,274
...selling crappy stereo equipment.
1479
01:41:14,452 --> 01:41:16,545
- Hey. Is Sony guts.
- Whatever.
1480
01:41:16,721 --> 01:41:21,749
The point is, we are thousands
of miles away from all this hate...
1481
01:41:21,926 --> 01:41:24,588
...and we live together just fine.
1482
01:41:24,762 --> 01:41:26,320
We do.
1483
01:41:27,932 --> 01:41:29,092
We do.
1484
01:41:29,266 --> 01:41:34,169
Come on, people.
Where is the hate! Anyone!
1485
01:41:34,672 --> 01:41:36,503
- I resent.
- Resent is good.
1486
01:41:36,674 --> 01:41:37,971
What! What do you resent!
1487
01:41:38,142 --> 01:41:39,234
People don't like us.
1488
01:41:39,410 --> 01:41:42,504
Come on, is not easy for us.
People don't like us too.
1489
01:41:42,680 --> 01:41:46,309
- Why!
- Because they think we are you.
1490
01:41:47,785 --> 01:41:50,151
We do look alike.
You got to admit this. Come on.
1491
01:41:51,088 --> 01:41:53,682
Waleed looks Mexican, to be honest.
1492
01:41:54,892 --> 01:41:56,120
Yeah, he do.
1493
01:41:57,795 --> 01:41:59,854
You know, ever since
the stupid terrorists...
1494
01:42:00,031 --> 01:42:01,794
...everyone think we are terrorists.
1495
01:42:01,966 --> 01:42:03,866
Look, Bashir, no offense...
1496
01:42:04,035 --> 01:42:07,266
...but if you sat next to me on a plane,
I might want to get off too.
1497
01:42:10,207 --> 01:42:11,435
He's right.
1498
01:42:11,609 --> 01:42:16,046
But how could I not hate
when you stole my goat!
1499
01:42:16,881 --> 01:42:19,372
I am sorry about your goat.
1500
01:42:19,550 --> 01:42:23,384
He was a good goat.
I treat him like member of the family.
1501
01:42:24,922 --> 01:42:27,390
- Really!
- Yes.
1502
01:42:27,558 --> 01:42:30,618
Did you rub his chin!
1503
01:42:30,795 --> 01:42:32,763
Like this!
1504
01:42:32,930 --> 01:42:36,889
Yes, sometimes for hours.
He would make face if I stop.
1505
01:42:37,068 --> 01:42:38,558
He make the face!
1506
01:42:38,736 --> 01:42:41,603
Oh, the face. The face.
1507
01:42:41,772 --> 01:42:44,297
That's it, that's it.
That looks just like him.
1508
01:42:44,475 --> 01:42:48,138
As long as he was happy.
1509
01:42:48,312 --> 01:42:49,904
Is good. Very happy.
1510
01:42:52,817 --> 01:42:54,682
Holy shichumetz.
1511
01:42:54,852 --> 01:42:56,479
I see what is.
1512
01:42:59,889 --> 01:43:01,584
Those are cool. Who make this!
1513
01:43:28,952 --> 01:43:32,080
You see this! Bastard landlord.
1514
01:43:32,255 --> 01:43:33,654
He tell us go to Hacky Sack...
1515
01:43:33,823 --> 01:43:36,485
...so he can make it look like
we burn each other's store.
1516
01:43:36,659 --> 01:43:38,854
To make us look like we enemies.
1517
01:43:39,028 --> 01:43:40,552
This the real enemy.
1518
01:43:41,664 --> 01:43:44,030
I thought the whole place
was going down.
1519
01:43:44,200 --> 01:43:45,531
Oh, we're waiting on them, sir.
1520
01:43:45,702 --> 01:43:51,698
We're drawing them closer,
like a fat queer to a dick sandwich.
1521
01:43:53,376 --> 01:43:55,071
Aharon, get weapons from truck.
1522
01:43:55,245 --> 01:43:57,372
No, no, no.
I wanna minimize collateral damage.
1523
01:43:57,547 --> 01:43:59,412
- I do this alone.
- I do this alone.
1524
01:43:59,582 --> 01:44:01,482
- We do this together.
- I go myself.
1525
01:44:01,651 --> 01:44:05,644
No, no, no. Listen.
Come on, already, big guy.
1526
01:44:05,822 --> 01:44:07,983
Let it go.
We're on the same side, here.
1527
01:44:08,158 --> 01:44:10,023
Don't "big guy" me, big guy.
1528
01:44:10,193 --> 01:44:12,559
Look, you think I didn't want
to run like you did!
1529
01:44:12,729 --> 01:44:14,856
- Is no pressure here.
- What!
1530
01:44:15,031 --> 01:44:20,128
Listen, all I ever wanted since high
school was to go to States and...
1531
01:44:20,303 --> 01:44:23,568
- What!
- This hard to say.
1532
01:44:23,740 --> 01:44:25,833
Tell me, what is!
1533
01:44:27,310 --> 01:44:29,141
And sell shoes.
1534
01:44:29,312 --> 01:44:31,007
I love shoes.
1535
01:44:31,181 --> 01:44:34,947
No. That's great. I love to cut hair.
1536
01:44:35,118 --> 01:44:36,779
There is nothing wrong with that.
1537
01:44:36,953 --> 01:44:38,284
- Tell my parents.
- I hear you.
1538
01:44:38,455 --> 01:44:41,356
- They don't understand.
- Parents, they never do, huh!
1539
01:44:41,524 --> 01:44:44,891
- Never do. They think they're clever...
- You guys going, or what!
1540
01:44:45,428 --> 01:44:47,259
- Yes. Okay, we go.
- Yes. We go.
1541
01:44:47,430 --> 01:44:48,761
Come on, let's go.
1542
01:44:48,932 --> 01:44:50,627
Soup's on, boys.
1543
01:44:50,800 --> 01:44:52,631
Hell, yeah!
1544
01:44:57,540 --> 01:44:58,939
What kind of shoes you like!
1545
01:44:59,108 --> 01:45:01,804
You know, Rockport, Ferragamo,
the classics.
1546
01:45:07,283 --> 01:45:10,309
You should maybe try
Hugo Boss, huh!
1547
01:45:10,487 --> 01:45:12,614
No, no, no.
They always cover the toes.
1548
01:45:12,789 --> 01:45:14,814
You stylist,
you buy some style shoes.
1549
01:45:14,991 --> 01:45:18,154
Oh, yes, but I'm looking
for function too.
1550
01:45:18,328 --> 01:45:21,320
Try mine. It's Kenneth Cole.
1551
01:45:21,498 --> 01:45:23,432
Square toe.
1552
01:45:24,734 --> 01:45:25,860
It is nice.
1553
01:45:26,035 --> 01:45:28,265
This is a fashion
but you can wear to work also.
1554
01:45:29,472 --> 01:45:31,633
Yes. Hey, to be honest,
it's a little tight.
1555
01:45:31,808 --> 01:45:34,936
- Let me measure.
- If you could.
1556
01:45:35,111 --> 01:45:37,136
I'm ready for you.
1557
01:45:37,313 --> 01:45:39,508
Okay, checking the width.
1558
01:45:39,682 --> 01:45:41,616
Triple E.
1559
01:45:41,784 --> 01:45:43,217
This is a big foot, huh!
1560
01:45:43,386 --> 01:45:44,512
You win again.
1561
01:45:44,687 --> 01:45:46,814
Is not a competition.
1562
01:45:46,990 --> 01:45:48,981
I do need to cut my nails.
1563
01:45:49,158 --> 01:45:51,058
We don't know
what set off this fight.
1564
01:45:51,227 --> 01:45:53,923
It's apparently between
Middle-Eastern merchants.
1565
01:45:54,097 --> 01:45:57,555
- Let's get some insight.
- They is no Middle East. Is all fake.
1566
01:45:57,734 --> 01:46:00,532
Is the landlord, the Walbridge guy.
He pay...
1567
01:46:00,703 --> 01:46:03,194
Excuse me.
Grant Walbridge, the developer?
1568
01:46:03,373 --> 01:46:04,465
Damn it!
1569
01:46:04,641 --> 01:46:07,804
Mariah Carey, I love you. I love you.
1570
01:46:07,977 --> 01:46:11,310
I find you, Mariah.
I come to where you are.
1571
01:46:11,481 --> 01:46:14,882
I love you too, horny little man.
Buy my new album.
1572
01:46:19,822 --> 01:46:21,949
Zohan. He has a bomb.
1573
01:46:23,793 --> 01:46:26,125
- And puppies.
- No.
1574
01:46:26,296 --> 01:46:27,786
I'm gonna blow up this block.
1575
01:46:27,964 --> 01:46:31,229
I'm gonna blow you up,
I'm gonna blow up these puppies...
1576
01:46:31,401 --> 01:46:34,802
...and we all going to hell together,
because I hate these puppies.
1577
01:46:34,971 --> 01:46:38,031
We have no time. We have to make
the sonic power, quick.
1578
01:46:38,207 --> 01:46:41,176
- You mean the sound!
- Yes.
1579
01:46:41,344 --> 01:46:45,644
But Arab and Jews have not made
sound for thousands of years.
1580
01:46:45,815 --> 01:46:48,682
- Now is time, my friend.
- Thirty seconds.
1581
01:46:48,851 --> 01:46:53,185
You can't do nothing about it,
Rabbi Towelhead.
1582
01:46:58,161 --> 01:47:00,629
No, no, no. Let me take the melody,
you go harmony.
1583
01:47:00,797 --> 01:47:02,662
- Yes. Okay, okay.
- Here we go.
1584
01:47:29,092 --> 01:47:32,061
Well, hello, stranger.
1585
01:47:32,228 --> 01:47:34,287
Care for some chips!
1586
01:47:36,399 --> 01:47:37,798
Puppies!
1587
01:47:37,967 --> 01:47:41,061
That dog is incredibly cute.
Did you bring that dog!
1588
01:47:41,237 --> 01:47:42,932
Barry Manilow
used to have a beagle...
1589
01:47:48,044 --> 01:47:52,481
Listen, I'm Grant Walbridge.
This is all a mistake and...
1590
01:47:58,388 --> 01:48:00,253
Keep it together. Keep it together.
1591
01:48:04,794 --> 01:48:06,819
No!
1592
01:48:08,197 --> 01:48:10,324
My life is ruined.
1593
01:48:10,500 --> 01:48:11,990
They were perfect.
1594
01:48:12,168 --> 01:48:13,795
The ratio.
1595
01:48:13,970 --> 01:48:15,232
Why!
1596
01:48:17,940 --> 01:48:19,601
No, no, no. Stop.
1597
01:48:22,979 --> 01:48:26,415
What the heck are you doing!
Why you do this!
1598
01:48:26,582 --> 01:48:29,949
Sorry. Sorry. I got excited.
1599
01:48:30,119 --> 01:48:33,213
Okay, we fix.
We make mall, but this...
1600
01:48:33,389 --> 01:48:36,847
It's fine. Yes, it's fine.
We'll be fine.
1601
01:48:37,026 --> 01:48:39,153
It's all b'seder.
1602
01:48:50,640 --> 01:48:53,871
Goat rides! Everybody, goat ride.
1603
01:48:54,043 --> 01:48:56,534
The most wonderful goat
in the world.
1604
01:49:00,683 --> 01:49:03,652
You come. Come, come. Come on.
Come on, now. Give ride.
1605
01:49:10,059 --> 01:49:12,391
I'm almost done.
1606
01:49:12,562 --> 01:49:15,053
- I love it.
- Yes, of course you do.
1607
01:49:15,231 --> 01:49:17,131
I had fun shampooing your hair...
1608
01:49:17,300 --> 01:49:20,497
...but I'd rather be licking it off
those melons.
1609
01:49:20,870 --> 01:49:22,394
I knew he had it in him.
1610
01:49:22,572 --> 01:49:25,700
Yeah, he sounds like his mother.
1611
01:49:25,875 --> 01:49:28,742
Maybe I'll bleach your nipples
and slap you in your face.
1612
01:49:28,911 --> 01:49:32,074
- Oh, now he's gone too far.
- That was disturbing. Too much.
1613
01:49:32,248 --> 01:49:34,944
Zohan!
Can you help this woman, please.
1614
01:49:35,118 --> 01:49:37,780
Of course, motek.
You know, if I was not married to you...
1615
01:49:37,954 --> 01:49:41,390
...this is the kind of bootachem
I would go all night long w...
1616
01:49:41,557 --> 01:49:43,184
Hello, Zohan.
1617
01:49:45,228 --> 01:49:48,220
So this is where you work!
1618
01:49:50,299 --> 01:49:52,267
Yes, Abba.
1619
01:49:52,435 --> 01:49:56,098
And this is your Palestinian wife!
1620
01:49:58,107 --> 01:49:59,597
Yes, Abba.
1621
01:50:01,444 --> 01:50:03,207
Does she know you're a fagala?
1622
01:50:05,381 --> 01:50:06,780
I see. This is because...
1623
01:50:06,949 --> 01:50:08,746
Congratulations.
1624
01:50:08,918 --> 01:50:10,613
Now, cut my hair.
1625
01:50:10,787 --> 01:50:13,051
Yes. Yes. Yes.
1626
01:50:13,222 --> 01:50:17,007
I love it.
Please.
1627
01:53:17,008 --> 01:53:18,008
Subtitles by LeapinLar
1628
01:53:19,305 --> 01:53:25,156
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