1 00:00:13,179 --> 00:00:15,181 [BELLS TOLLlNG] 2 00:00:26,276 --> 00:00:28,278 [HORN HONKlNG] 3 00:00:34,451 --> 00:00:35,618 MAN: You little motherfucker! 4 00:00:50,800 --> 00:00:52,969 Get up' Zack. 5 00:01:13,531 --> 00:01:15,950 Come on, l don't wanna be late for work. 6 00:01:24,000 --> 00:01:25,335 MlRl: Ahh! Get out! - Jesus, fuck! 7 00:01:25,502 --> 00:01:27,545 Close the door if you're gonna take a shit. 8 00:01:27,712 --> 00:01:30,340 - lt was closed. - lt was closed over, it was not closed. 9 00:01:30,507 --> 00:01:32,217 - Close the door' Zack! - Okay, okay. 10 00:01:32,383 --> 00:01:34,344 MlRl: God. - Fine. 11 00:01:52,946 --> 00:01:55,198 - What's that thing? - lt's a hand warmer. 12 00:02:02,205 --> 00:02:03,540 [SlGHS] 13 00:02:05,041 --> 00:02:06,459 We're going now. 14 00:02:16,719 --> 00:02:20,598 - You smelI that? ls that the car? Fuck. - Oh, goddamn it. 15 00:02:20,765 --> 00:02:22,809 - What? What? - Oh, it's wedged in my taint. 16 00:02:22,976 --> 00:02:24,727 - What is? - lt got wedged in my taint. 17 00:02:24,894 --> 00:02:27,730 - What? - lt's stuck under my balls. 18 00:02:28,231 --> 00:02:30,733 - lt's between my balls and my leg. - What's happening? 19 00:02:30,900 --> 00:02:35,238 - Please, pull over. PuIl the fuck over! - All right, alI right! Jesus, all right! 20 00:02:35,405 --> 00:02:37,323 ZACK: lt's about to move up to my ass. MlRl: What? 21 00:02:37,490 --> 00:02:39,075 ZACK: The movement makes it hotter. 22 00:02:39,242 --> 00:02:42,203 It's tucked under them. It's stuck under them. 23 00:02:43,413 --> 00:02:45,415 [GRUNTlNG] 24 00:02:53,006 --> 00:02:55,091 Oh' fuck. 25 00:03:07,604 --> 00:03:09,564 I think l burned my baIl hair off. 26 00:03:11,274 --> 00:03:13,276 [LAUGHlNG] 27 00:03:13,568 --> 00:03:15,528 It's not funny. 28 00:03:30,126 --> 00:03:32,462 Can you help me pick out an outfit for tonight? 29 00:03:32,629 --> 00:03:34,714 I'm working till 6. 30 00:03:37,175 --> 00:03:41,846 - Well' l can try stuff on at the store. - The store? 31 00:03:42,013 --> 00:03:44,641 No, how about instead, you get a friend? 32 00:03:44,807 --> 00:03:46,351 But you are my friend. 33 00:03:46,517 --> 00:03:49,812 I mean a girl friend, jeez. 34 00:04:15,630 --> 00:04:17,632 [JAZZ MUSlC PLAYlNG OVER SPEAKERS] 35 00:04:30,770 --> 00:04:34,023 Mr. Delaney, can you work for me tomorrow? 36 00:04:34,190 --> 00:04:35,275 Tomorrow's Thanksgiving. 37 00:04:35,441 --> 00:04:39,028 Then you must come in the next day, I tell you. 38 00:04:39,195 --> 00:04:41,364 - lt's BIack Friday. - Black Friday? 39 00:04:41,531 --> 00:04:44,492 It's the biggest mall-shopping day of the year. 40 00:04:44,659 --> 00:04:49,497 And since the mall is just up the street, I would like you to come out and work. 41 00:04:49,664 --> 00:04:52,041 - On Black Friday. - Oh, yeah. 42 00:04:52,208 --> 00:04:54,627 All right, you want me to work on Moolie Monday too? 43 00:04:54,794 --> 00:04:57,046 - l'm sorry? - How about Nigga Tuesday? 44 00:04:57,213 --> 00:05:00,717 - Nigga Tuesday? Is this a new holiday? - You come to a brother and tell him 45 00:05:00,883 --> 00:05:04,846 he gotta work on Black Friday. You got any idea how racist that sounds? 46 00:05:05,013 --> 00:05:07,181 Telling me to work. What, you think you own me? 47 00:05:07,348 --> 00:05:10,435 - l never said this, l tell you. - But you thought it, didn't you? 48 00:05:10,601 --> 00:05:11,644 You thought, 49 00:05:11,811 --> 00:05:14,480 "l'm gonna lay down the law for this nigga, l put food on his table, 50 00:05:14,647 --> 00:05:17,567 clothes on his nigga baby backs, and he ain't gonna say shit." 51 00:05:17,734 --> 00:05:19,360 - This ain't Amistad. - You shut up. 52 00:05:19,527 --> 00:05:22,822 You goddamn right this ain't Amistad. I can't wait till the post office 53 00:05:22,989 --> 00:05:26,534 settles my disability suit because then I'm gonna be out this motherfucker. 54 00:05:26,701 --> 00:05:28,953 I'm gonna be Oprah rich. Y'all can kiss my ass. 55 00:05:29,120 --> 00:05:32,081 You know what? Fuck you. Fuck you, and suck cock. 56 00:05:34,459 --> 00:05:36,377 - To hell with you. DELANEY: To hell with you. 57 00:05:36,544 --> 00:05:40,465 - Zachary will work. Zack' my boy. - Yeah. 58 00:05:40,631 --> 00:05:43,134 - The customer with the hareIip-- - Oh, yeah. 59 00:05:43,301 --> 00:05:48,097 --speak me, say you were playing baseball here the other night. 60 00:05:48,264 --> 00:05:51,768 Wiffle ball. And' uh' no' that wasn't me. 61 00:05:52,226 --> 00:05:54,771 Maybe the harelip makes it sound like "basebaIl." 62 00:05:54,937 --> 00:05:56,606 ZACK: Yeah, maybe you hear with an accent. 63 00:05:56,773 --> 00:05:58,608 - Fuck you, okay? - Okay. 64 00:05:58,775 --> 00:06:02,278 One day' l'm gonna put a camera over there' and then l can tell-- 65 00:06:02,445 --> 00:06:04,405 I'll know everything you do when l'm gone. 66 00:06:04,572 --> 00:06:07,992 Everything. Scratch your baIls, take a shit, everything, l tell you, okay? 67 00:06:08,159 --> 00:06:10,745 Okay. Fucker. 68 00:06:11,120 --> 00:06:16,793 I hate both of you ebony and ivory motherfuckers, l tell you. 69 00:06:17,627 --> 00:06:23,257 - Why is he so fucking high-strung? - "Fuck off, l teIl you. Very good." 70 00:06:23,424 --> 00:06:26,636 Can you believe that Gandhi motherfucker, telling me l gotta work on Black Friday? 71 00:06:26,803 --> 00:06:27,804 Ain't that some shit? 72 00:06:27,970 --> 00:06:29,847 - Yeah. - Like l don't wanna do shopping. 73 00:06:30,014 --> 00:06:33,643 Biggest sales day of the year. l'm getting a flat-screen TV, believe that. 74 00:06:33,810 --> 00:06:37,397 That's my fault, l should tell you. l asked for Friday morning off, I'm sorry. 75 00:06:37,563 --> 00:06:40,525 - For what? - l actually need a lot of recovery time. 76 00:06:40,691 --> 00:06:43,152 Tonight is me and Miri's ten-year high school reunion. 77 00:06:43,319 --> 00:06:46,072 I'm just gonna get fucking alcohol poisoning. 78 00:06:46,239 --> 00:06:49,867 - Reunion? Tomorrow's Thanksgiving. - lsn't that fucked up that they do that? 79 00:06:50,034 --> 00:06:52,620 They say it's the best chance to get everyone together. 80 00:06:52,787 --> 00:06:54,664 People come back in town for the holidays. 81 00:06:54,831 --> 00:06:57,125 But they could have it in the middIe of the summer 82 00:06:57,291 --> 00:07:00,920 at a blowjob contest that l was judging' and it would still be retarded. 83 00:07:01,587 --> 00:07:04,549 - So why you going, then? - Miri's making me go. 84 00:07:04,715 --> 00:07:07,176 Why you always bending over backwards for that girI' 85 00:07:07,343 --> 00:07:10,471 - knowing she ain't giving up no ass? - We got a good thing going. 86 00:07:10,638 --> 00:07:14,016 She pays half the rent, does dishes, she wakes me up in the morning. 87 00:07:14,183 --> 00:07:16,060 Why complicate that with sex? 88 00:07:16,227 --> 00:07:18,563 Besides, man, l've known her since the first grade. 89 00:07:18,729 --> 00:07:21,023 You don't fuck someone you met in the first grade. 90 00:07:21,190 --> 00:07:23,192 Excuse me, I met my wife in kindergarten. 91 00:07:23,359 --> 00:07:24,694 We got married senior year, 92 00:07:24,861 --> 00:07:27,363 and she has been the queen of my world ever since. 93 00:07:27,530 --> 00:07:31,033 - What if you couId do it aIl over again? - l'd jerk off and live by myself. 94 00:07:31,200 --> 00:07:32,994 That woman is the bane of my existence. 95 00:07:33,161 --> 00:07:37,123 - See? - Excuse me, can l get a coffee, black? 96 00:07:37,290 --> 00:07:39,834 Can't you see we talking, white? 97 00:07:42,378 --> 00:07:44,338 ZACK: lf you're gonna continue to emasculate me 98 00:07:44,505 --> 00:07:46,883 with this Barbie dress-up shit' 99 00:07:47,049 --> 00:07:48,092 I'm using your laptop. 100 00:07:48,259 --> 00:07:50,678 Don't forget to smack it when you turn it on, 101 00:07:50,845 --> 00:07:52,597 otherwise the screen doesn't come on. 102 00:07:52,763 --> 00:07:54,390 [COMPUTER PLAYS FANFARE] 103 00:07:54,557 --> 00:07:56,309 Why don't you spring and get a new one? 104 00:07:56,476 --> 00:07:59,312 Same reason l don't spring for clothes for tonight, l'm broke. 105 00:07:59,479 --> 00:08:02,398 There's a chick who works at Teen Juice at the mall, you know. 106 00:08:02,565 --> 00:08:04,066 I gave her a good deal on yarn, 107 00:08:04,233 --> 00:08:06,736 - so she's letting me borrow this stuff. - Yo, bro. 108 00:08:06,903 --> 00:08:08,571 [ZACK LAUGHlNG] 109 00:08:08,738 --> 00:08:12,658 MlRl: What? - You're buying a vibrator online. 110 00:08:12,825 --> 00:08:15,495 - What's wrong with the one you have? MlRl: lt died last week. 111 00:08:15,661 --> 00:08:18,247 Look at the size of those fucking panties. 112 00:08:18,414 --> 00:08:20,082 Shoot that shit. Shoot it. 113 00:08:20,249 --> 00:08:22,585 ZACK: My God, who even knew Amazon sold shit like this? 114 00:08:22,752 --> 00:08:24,003 This is incredible. 115 00:08:24,170 --> 00:08:27,256 - Those are fucking granny panties. MlRl: Okay, 116 00:08:27,423 --> 00:08:30,968 A, I don't appreciate you violating the sanctity of my Amazon Wish List page' 117 00:08:31,135 --> 00:08:33,221 and B, l'm not buying that thing from Amazon, 118 00:08:33,387 --> 00:08:36,557 because it turns out I don't have a credit card they take. 119 00:08:40,269 --> 00:08:41,604 [ZACK GRUNTS] 120 00:08:42,522 --> 00:08:46,275 - Oh, shit. - l'm sorry, guys. Am l in the way? 121 00:08:46,651 --> 00:08:49,445 You're a fucking faggot, alI right? Let's go to Starbucks. 122 00:08:49,946 --> 00:08:53,950 - He's a shitty barista anyways. - Cock. 123 00:08:56,285 --> 00:08:59,455 - And he throws like a bitch. ZACK: You know what else I throw? 124 00:08:59,622 --> 00:09:02,375 My nut sack in your coffees, so how did that taste, fucker? 125 00:09:02,542 --> 00:09:05,461 We saw your girlfriend in her underwear, cunt nugget. 126 00:09:05,628 --> 00:09:08,923 WelI' too bad she's not my girlfriend, you little fuck-- Oh, they're gone. 127 00:09:09,090 --> 00:09:10,758 MlRl: Are you still talking to me? 128 00:09:10,925 --> 00:09:15,513 Uh, just said, l'm gonna look up more fuck toys on Amazon. 129 00:09:16,138 --> 00:09:18,140 Oh' holy shit. 130 00:09:18,307 --> 00:09:21,394 - They sell the FIeshlight here too. - What's that? 131 00:09:21,561 --> 00:09:24,313 It's a fucking pocket pussy that is shaped like a flashlight 132 00:09:24,480 --> 00:09:25,982 "for discretionary jacking off." 133 00:09:26,148 --> 00:09:28,568 That way if you get caught, no one thinks it's weird. 134 00:09:28,734 --> 00:09:31,320 You're just a guy who likes to fuck his flashlight. 135 00:09:31,487 --> 00:09:33,114 I am totally buying this shit. 136 00:09:33,281 --> 00:09:36,826 Whoa, if you've got money to burn, how about paying the electric bill? 137 00:09:36,993 --> 00:09:39,829 - That's due already? - November's is probably due now, 138 00:09:39,996 --> 00:09:43,833 but I was talking about September's. Tell me this doesn't rock. 139 00:09:45,918 --> 00:09:47,795 You kind of look like Ronald McDonald. 140 00:09:47,962 --> 00:09:49,672 That makes me want some McNuggets. 141 00:09:49,839 --> 00:09:53,217 Why would you wanna buy a pocket pussy anyway? That is so sad. 142 00:09:53,384 --> 00:09:55,678 What? Excuse me, I forgot about the nobility 143 00:09:55,845 --> 00:09:58,514 that accompanies coming with a fucking vibrator. 144 00:09:58,681 --> 00:10:02,351 Think a kid in Darfur gets saved every time a vibrator makes you come? No. 145 00:10:02,518 --> 00:10:04,437 - "Real feel action"? Oh, my God. - Yeah. 146 00:10:04,604 --> 00:10:06,772 If you start fucking machines, I'm moving out. 147 00:10:06,939 --> 00:10:09,150 What do you think a vibrator is? It's a machine. 148 00:10:09,317 --> 00:10:11,777 How come you get to fuck something with a motor in it? 149 00:10:11,944 --> 00:10:14,864 I've never met a man who can make me come like a vibrator does. 150 00:10:15,031 --> 00:10:18,367 That's bullshit. You get to be Buck Rogers having sex in the 25th century 151 00:10:18,534 --> 00:10:20,453 with fucking Twiki and Dr. Theopolis. 152 00:10:20,620 --> 00:10:22,955 I'm stuck to a bottle of Jergens in the bathroom. 153 00:10:23,122 --> 00:10:28,169 Holy bejesus. You do not use my Jergens to jack it in our bathroom. 154 00:10:28,336 --> 00:10:31,213 ZACK: No, you know what l do actuaIly, is l light a bunch of candles 155 00:10:31,380 --> 00:10:34,884 and l sprawl out on my sheets and l listen to Sting. 156 00:10:35,051 --> 00:10:38,429 No, l'm a guy. Give me two Popsicle sticks and a rubber band, 157 00:10:38,596 --> 00:10:41,557 I'll find a way to fuck it, like a filthy MacGyver. 158 00:10:41,724 --> 00:10:46,020 Oh' my God, l'm so glad l'm not a guy. How about this? 159 00:10:46,187 --> 00:10:49,065 I don't get why you're putting so much effert into this thing. 160 00:10:49,231 --> 00:10:54,028 I thought we were just gonna go to sit around and make fun of everybody. 161 00:10:54,195 --> 00:10:58,407 I can't wear anything that l already own and expect to bring home Bobby Long. 162 00:10:58,574 --> 00:11:03,996 Bobby fucking Long? No way. Didn't that guy call you "Stinky Linky"? 163 00:11:04,163 --> 00:11:05,373 Yeah, that was then, okay? 164 00:11:05,539 --> 00:11:08,209 Maybe now he can save me a fortune in Amazon bilIs. 165 00:11:08,376 --> 00:11:11,420 Maybe you can fuck our landlord 166 00:11:11,587 --> 00:11:13,673 so we can at least keep a roof over our heads. 167 00:11:14,340 --> 00:11:17,760 You don't have the rent? Zack, it's your month. 168 00:11:17,927 --> 00:11:20,596 Hey, l bought skates with last week's paycheck 169 00:11:20,763 --> 00:11:23,265 - and l need those to skate with. - Oh. 170 00:11:23,432 --> 00:11:27,561 And this week's will barely cover the past two water biIls, so. .. 171 00:11:27,728 --> 00:11:29,313 Is this sexy? 172 00:11:29,480 --> 00:11:33,275 Yeah, in like a To Catch a Predator kind of way' it is pretty fucking sexy. 173 00:11:34,443 --> 00:11:35,861 Then we're done. 174 00:11:36,028 --> 00:11:37,446 [SHOWER SPLASHlNG AND PlPES CREAKlNG] 175 00:11:37,613 --> 00:11:40,074 What the fuck? Zack. 176 00:11:40,533 --> 00:11:43,369 - You want me to come in? - What happened to the water? 177 00:11:47,456 --> 00:11:50,459 - They shut it off. - Oh, shit. Just, uh-- 178 00:11:50,626 --> 00:11:54,505 Help me get this shit out of my hair. Just use the water out of the toilet. 179 00:11:57,133 --> 00:11:59,135 - There's poo in there. - Not that part. 180 00:11:59,301 --> 00:12:01,846 - The back part of the toilet thing. - Oh, that makes sense. 181 00:12:02,012 --> 00:12:05,224 MlRl: Take the cup there and then scoop it in, there you go. 182 00:12:05,391 --> 00:12:09,270 Here, l'll lean back and you can just' you know, pour it down like-- Like that. 183 00:12:09,437 --> 00:12:11,021 ZACK: You're harshing my buzz' you know. 184 00:12:11,188 --> 00:12:13,107 This is so lame. Don't look. Don't look. 185 00:12:13,274 --> 00:12:14,817 Don't look. 186 00:12:15,151 --> 00:12:16,318 Whoa! 187 00:12:28,122 --> 00:12:30,458 All right, one hour tops, then we're gone. 188 00:12:30,624 --> 00:12:31,667 Or I had an idea. 189 00:12:31,834 --> 00:12:34,295 We could just not go at aIl, which would rock. 190 00:12:35,171 --> 00:12:38,174 Even though we're broke and we've never amounted to anything, 191 00:12:38,340 --> 00:12:40,342 we're still better than these people, right? 192 00:12:40,509 --> 00:12:45,055 No. Not at all. We're probably not even as good as most of them, 193 00:12:45,222 --> 00:12:47,600 unless one of them is a crackhead or something. 194 00:12:47,767 --> 00:12:50,561 Just tell me l'm prettier than when we graduated. 195 00:12:51,353 --> 00:12:53,063 You look about the same. 196 00:12:53,230 --> 00:12:56,358 Definitely not prettier, but around the same. 197 00:12:56,817 --> 00:12:58,527 I'm thinner, though' right? A littIe? 198 00:12:59,612 --> 00:13:00,696 Not really. 199 00:13:01,947 --> 00:13:04,533 WelI' good pep talk. Fuck. 200 00:13:10,623 --> 00:13:12,124 [lNAUDlBLE DlALOGUE] 201 00:13:15,211 --> 00:13:17,880 - Ta-da. - Ta-da. 202 00:13:21,300 --> 00:13:24,178 - You don't recognize us' do you? - Um, no, sorry. 203 00:13:24,345 --> 00:13:26,138 Zack Brown, Miri Linky. 204 00:13:26,555 --> 00:13:28,474 Were you the one they called Stinky Linky? 205 00:13:28,641 --> 00:13:31,393 Oh' no' no one ever calIed me that. 206 00:13:31,602 --> 00:13:32,645 Oh. 207 00:13:32,812 --> 00:13:35,356 - Great. What does yours say? - What the fuck? Come on. 208 00:13:35,523 --> 00:13:39,068 - l'm sure l had a nickname. Nothing? - All right, you have a great time' 209 00:13:39,235 --> 00:13:43,531 and before you go, don't forget your copy of The Roving Roe-Ver. 210 00:13:43,697 --> 00:13:45,241 What the fuck's this shit? 211 00:13:45,407 --> 00:13:48,410 That is not shit, that would be our bi-monthly newsletter. 212 00:13:48,577 --> 00:13:49,995 - Awesome. BETSY: lt updates you 213 00:13:50,162 --> 00:13:52,832 - on what everyone's doing. - Finally. 214 00:13:52,998 --> 00:13:56,877 I love your enthusiasm. Here you go. Write your e-mail address on that 215 00:13:57,044 --> 00:14:00,840 and l'll be sure to add you to our 800-member-strong mailing list. 216 00:14:01,006 --> 00:14:03,008 We had 800 people in our graduating class? 217 00:14:03,175 --> 00:14:07,847 Yes, and only 250 R.S.V.P .'d. Doesn't that suck, Mary? 218 00:14:08,347 --> 00:14:10,349 - Miri. - You married, Bets? 219 00:14:10,516 --> 00:14:13,435 - l am. Two kids. - Wow, that's beautifuI. 220 00:14:13,602 --> 00:14:15,729 - Awesome. - You wanna fuck me later? 221 00:14:15,896 --> 00:14:18,983 - Uh, no, I'm married. - Okay, cool. lf you change your mind, 222 00:14:19,149 --> 00:14:21,360 - l'll be in there getting shitfaced. - He will. 223 00:14:21,527 --> 00:14:23,737 - Just so you know, l eat the pussy. - He does. 224 00:14:23,904 --> 00:14:26,198 Ah, tempting. Again, no. 225 00:14:26,365 --> 00:14:29,618 - Shall we? - Sir. Bye, Bets. 226 00:14:30,286 --> 00:14:32,288 Think about it. 227 00:14:41,630 --> 00:14:43,966 [DJ KOOL'S "LET ME CLEAR MY THROAT" PLAYS OVER SPEAKERS] 228 00:15:18,626 --> 00:15:20,127 BARTENDER: Enjoy. 229 00:15:21,337 --> 00:15:24,089 Can l get two beers' pIease? You want a beer? 230 00:15:24,256 --> 00:15:26,508 - Yeah. - Three beers. 231 00:15:27,009 --> 00:15:29,094 - Thank you. BARTENDER: Here you go. 232 00:15:29,261 --> 00:15:35,309 Is that Zack? Or am I Zack? Whoa, ho, ho. 233 00:15:35,559 --> 00:15:37,144 MlRl: Oh' wow. 234 00:15:37,311 --> 00:15:39,813 - Never gets oId, huh? - The other Zack. 235 00:15:39,980 --> 00:15:43,525 Oh' in my worId, nobody caIls me "the other Zack," 236 00:15:43,692 --> 00:15:47,154 now that this guy's not around anymore, huh? 237 00:15:47,321 --> 00:15:52,326 - Get the fuck off of me. - There can be only one. 238 00:15:52,952 --> 00:15:56,163 - What? - Highlander, man? The Kurgan. 239 00:15:56,330 --> 00:16:00,209 Remember? I'd yeIl it at you whenever we passed each other in the hallway? 240 00:16:00,376 --> 00:16:03,003 Like it was yesterday' man. Awesome. Awesome. 241 00:16:03,170 --> 00:16:06,840 Awesome. God, you guys have so much to catch up on. Whoo. 242 00:16:07,007 --> 00:16:08,884 - No. - l'm gonna let you get to it. 243 00:16:09,051 --> 00:16:10,552 Bitch. 244 00:16:10,719 --> 00:16:13,055 [MARCY PLAYGROUND'S "SEX AND CANDY" PLAYS OVER SPEAKERS] 245 00:16:15,224 --> 00:16:18,477 Have you seen that big blowup picture they have of me? 246 00:16:18,644 --> 00:16:19,687 Yeah, it's-- 247 00:16:20,562 --> 00:16:23,899 My hair is terrible. l can't believe I even wore my hair like that. 248 00:16:24,066 --> 00:16:26,944 That's before l knew about styling products' you know. 249 00:16:27,111 --> 00:16:31,657 It makes a big difference in life. But you Iive and learn, though' right? 250 00:16:31,824 --> 00:16:36,412 I mean, ten years ago, Pittsburgh, who knew anything about fashion? 251 00:16:37,246 --> 00:16:42,167 Back in the day' our hairstyle, oh. .. 252 00:16:43,627 --> 00:16:44,753 Hey, stranger. 253 00:16:46,255 --> 00:16:51,343 - Whoa. Stinky Linky. - Yeah. Although it's just Miri now. 254 00:16:51,510 --> 00:16:53,721 - Give me a hug. - Oh, okay. 255 00:16:53,887 --> 00:16:56,640 - Hi, heh, heh, heh. - Hi. 256 00:16:56,807 --> 00:16:58,392 Wow . 257 00:16:58,934 --> 00:17:00,936 - How have you been? - Great, great. 258 00:17:01,103 --> 00:17:02,604 - Yeah? - You look fantastic. 259 00:17:02,771 --> 00:17:07,109 Wow, that is not something that you would have said to me ten years ago. 260 00:17:07,276 --> 00:17:11,030 - Well' l've grown up. - Yes. Yes, you have. 261 00:17:11,196 --> 00:17:13,824 You just look. . . 262 00:17:14,533 --> 00:17:17,119 Ooh, heh, heh. 263 00:17:17,286 --> 00:17:22,124 - Well' listen to you. Thank you. - No, don't thank me, just fuck me. 264 00:17:22,499 --> 00:17:24,501 [LAUGHlNG] 265 00:17:28,547 --> 00:17:30,549 [LEN'S "STEAL MY SUNSHlNE" PLAYlNG OVER SPEAKERS] 266 00:17:36,013 --> 00:17:37,973 Roxanne. Hey. 267 00:17:38,140 --> 00:17:41,226 Someone l like, what are the odds' huh? 268 00:17:43,645 --> 00:17:45,898 Zack Brown, we had four years of Spanish together. 269 00:17:46,065 --> 00:17:47,399 Why does no one recognize me? 270 00:17:47,566 --> 00:17:49,985 - Am l thinner? ls that it? - Look at him. 271 00:17:51,195 --> 00:17:53,614 - Who? - My stupid husband. 272 00:17:53,781 --> 00:17:58,243 No fucking shit. John Butterfield? You actually married John Butterfield? 273 00:17:58,410 --> 00:18:00,662 - That's amazing. - Don't ever get married. 274 00:18:00,829 --> 00:18:04,541 It sucks. You stop appreciating each other and run out of shit to talk about 275 00:18:04,708 --> 00:18:09,171 after the first year. But look at him now, chatty as fuck. 276 00:18:09,338 --> 00:18:12,674 FIirting up a storm with that cheerleader nimrod Monica Von. 277 00:18:13,509 --> 00:18:17,679 You want me to maybe fIirt with you so he can see it, even it up a bit? 278 00:18:17,846 --> 00:18:18,931 I don't wanna get even. 279 00:18:20,265 --> 00:18:23,393 If l was gonna do anything, I'd wanna one-up the asshole. 280 00:18:25,145 --> 00:18:27,689 You can give me a handjob in the girls' locker room. 281 00:18:32,820 --> 00:18:34,738 - Fine, but make it fast. - Fuck, yeah. 282 00:18:34,905 --> 00:18:37,449 Are you staying in town for a while or--? 283 00:18:37,616 --> 00:18:40,327 Just tonight. l fly back to L.A. tomorrow. 284 00:18:40,661 --> 00:18:46,208 L.A., wow, Los Angeles. Gosh' Bobby Long' coming up in the world. 285 00:18:46,708 --> 00:18:52,631 - With Mrs. Long, l bet, huh? - No, no, no. No Mrs. Long for me. 286 00:18:53,090 --> 00:18:56,218 - Then can I be honest with you? - Sure. 287 00:18:56,385 --> 00:18:57,719 Um... 288 00:19:00,139 --> 00:19:01,682 Whew. l think l need a drink. 289 00:19:01,849 --> 00:19:04,518 Do you need a drink? Because l need a drink to say this. 290 00:19:04,685 --> 00:19:08,063 - l've got a beer already, so-- - Oh, great, thank you. 291 00:19:08,522 --> 00:19:10,816 I think there's a cigarette butt in there. 292 00:19:10,983 --> 00:19:12,025 Yup. 293 00:19:15,946 --> 00:19:18,031 Sorry about the elbow. 294 00:19:18,323 --> 00:19:20,325 [BRONSKl BEAT'S "SMALLTOWN BOY" PLAYS OVER SPEAKERS] 295 00:19:21,577 --> 00:19:24,663 There can be only one. 296 00:19:26,707 --> 00:19:28,834 Can l get a beer, please? 297 00:19:30,669 --> 00:19:33,463 Thank you very much. 298 00:19:34,089 --> 00:19:36,842 Oh' Jesus Christ. 299 00:19:37,009 --> 00:19:40,262 My friend's making an ass of herself hitting on her high school crush. 300 00:19:40,429 --> 00:19:42,306 Oh' God' that's so sad. 301 00:19:42,472 --> 00:19:45,267 It's so Miri, is what it is. I'm Zack, by the way. 302 00:19:45,434 --> 00:19:47,186 Brandon. 303 00:19:48,770 --> 00:19:51,273 Don't worry, we weren't in the same class or anything. 304 00:19:51,440 --> 00:19:55,694 - Okay. Lucky you. - Are you a Monroe-ver? 305 00:19:55,861 --> 00:19:59,114 WelI' l went here' let's just Ieave it at that, l guess. 306 00:19:59,281 --> 00:20:02,326 Do you have one of the large blown-up pictures of your younger self 307 00:20:02,492 --> 00:20:05,370 - hanging around here? - l do, kind of. Right there. 308 00:20:08,081 --> 00:20:10,292 BRANDON: Gorgeous. - Good times. 309 00:20:10,459 --> 00:20:12,794 What do you do? What brings you here? 310 00:20:12,961 --> 00:20:15,047 I came with somebody who went to school here. 311 00:20:15,214 --> 00:20:16,381 - Really? - Bobby Long. 312 00:20:16,548 --> 00:20:19,801 No shit. That's who my friend's hitting on right now. See right there? 313 00:20:19,968 --> 00:20:22,679 - Really. - One dressed like Hannah Montana? 314 00:20:23,305 --> 00:20:26,141 In L.A. , we call that look "Nickelodeon chic." 315 00:20:26,308 --> 00:20:28,644 - Wait, L.A.? Los Angeles? - California. 316 00:20:28,810 --> 00:20:30,979 That's awesome, man. What do you do out there? 317 00:20:31,146 --> 00:20:35,108 - l'm an actor. - Wow, that's really impressive. 318 00:20:35,275 --> 00:20:37,653 - Thank you, thank you. - ln fucking movies? 319 00:20:37,819 --> 00:20:40,447 "Fucking movies." Pretty much. 320 00:20:40,614 --> 00:20:43,492 Look at you. What--? Anything l've seen? What movies? 321 00:20:43,659 --> 00:20:45,661 Oh' aIl sorts of movies with all-male casts. 322 00:20:45,827 --> 00:20:49,248 All-male casts. Like Glengarry Glen Ross? Like that? 323 00:20:49,581 --> 00:20:53,210 Like Glen and Gary Suck Ross' Meaty Cock 324 00:20:53,377 --> 00:20:56,838 and Drop Their Hairy Nuts in His Eager Mouth. 325 00:20:58,840 --> 00:21:02,469 - ls that like a sequel? - Sort of. 326 00:21:02,636 --> 00:21:06,181 - lt's a re-imagining. - Oh, like The Wiz. 327 00:21:06,348 --> 00:21:10,519 More erotic and with less women. 328 00:21:10,686 --> 00:21:13,188 No women' to be exact. 329 00:21:14,856 --> 00:21:19,528 I apologize in advance if l am out of line here, 330 00:21:19,695 --> 00:21:21,530 but are you in gay porn? 331 00:21:21,697 --> 00:21:24,199 - Guilty as charged. - Are you fucking with me? 332 00:21:24,366 --> 00:21:27,536 - l thought you recognized me, that's-- - Oh, okay, l get it. 333 00:21:27,703 --> 00:21:30,038 You're not in my demographic' so l'm not insulted. 334 00:21:30,205 --> 00:21:33,542 - Not realIy. Who's your demographic? - Do you love pussy? 335 00:21:33,709 --> 00:21:35,460 - l do. - Then not you. 336 00:21:35,627 --> 00:21:36,795 Oh' okay. 337 00:21:36,962 --> 00:21:39,172 I came here tonight 338 00:21:39,339 --> 00:21:42,384 hoping to seduce you and bring you back to my apartment 339 00:21:42,551 --> 00:21:45,554 and sIeep with you to, uh, get back at you, 340 00:21:45,721 --> 00:21:50,017 you know, for calIing me Stinky Linky all those years ago. 341 00:21:50,183 --> 00:21:51,226 Wow . 342 00:21:51,393 --> 00:21:53,520 That is a weird revenge plot. 343 00:21:53,687 --> 00:21:56,481 - You must be a terrible lay for that. - What? No, l'm great. 344 00:21:56,648 --> 00:21:59,234 I mean, l've had enough practice and everything. That-- 345 00:21:59,401 --> 00:22:02,904 Wow, that sounded not good. 346 00:22:03,071 --> 00:22:08,076 I fuck a lot. That's what l meant to say. That doesn't sound good either. Wow. 347 00:22:08,243 --> 00:22:10,996 You're a lot funnier than l remember. 348 00:22:11,663 --> 00:22:16,585 Thank you. Gosh, you turned out to be such a nice guy. 349 00:22:18,253 --> 00:22:22,841 It just-- You know' it makes it even easier to just-- To just say this. 350 00:22:23,008 --> 00:22:27,596 Would you like to come back to my place and maybe open a bottle of wine 351 00:22:27,763 --> 00:22:31,099 and have ourselves a reaI high school reunion? 352 00:22:31,808 --> 00:22:33,393 - l-- - Hello, Miriam. 353 00:22:33,560 --> 00:22:34,644 Beat it, we're talking. 354 00:22:34,811 --> 00:22:37,939 - l wanted to introduce you to Brandon. - SaIutations. 355 00:22:38,106 --> 00:22:40,275 - Bobby's boyfriend. - Bobby who? 356 00:22:40,442 --> 00:22:43,236 - Bobby me. - Bobby Long. 357 00:22:44,196 --> 00:22:50,118 Brandon is the star of such adult fare as-- What was that one called again? 358 00:22:50,786 --> 00:22:53,080 You Better Shut Your Mouth or l'm Gonna Fuck lt. 359 00:22:53,246 --> 00:22:56,291 That's right. l'm surprised l forgot that. 360 00:22:56,541 --> 00:22:57,959 Are you fucking with me? 361 00:22:58,126 --> 00:23:00,462 No, they're fucking with each other. 362 00:23:00,879 --> 00:23:01,963 Oh' my God. 363 00:23:03,632 --> 00:23:05,634 - No. - What? 364 00:23:06,927 --> 00:23:08,303 Granny Panties? 365 00:23:08,470 --> 00:23:10,138 - Excuse me? - How can you tell? 366 00:23:10,555 --> 00:23:11,681 This is so crazy. 367 00:23:11,848 --> 00:23:14,935 I was literally just watching you, like, right before we got here. 368 00:23:15,102 --> 00:23:17,979 This is so crazy. This is you, right? 369 00:23:18,146 --> 00:23:19,481 TEEN 1 [ON VlDEO]: My name's Granny Panties, 370 00:23:19,648 --> 00:23:21,942 and nobody wants to fuck me. 371 00:23:22,109 --> 00:23:24,653 TEEN 2: Nothing's whiter than my big gay ass-- 372 00:23:24,820 --> 00:23:25,821 Where'd you get that? 373 00:23:25,987 --> 00:23:28,490 Oh' l entered "gay" and "ass," and it was the top hit. 374 00:23:28,657 --> 00:23:33,495 It's had 200,000 views in three hours. Honey' you are, like-- 375 00:23:33,662 --> 00:23:36,331 I'm jealous right now because you're, like, super famous. 376 00:23:36,498 --> 00:23:40,001 Baby, please take our picture. I get a picture with Granny Panties. 377 00:23:40,168 --> 00:23:42,337 - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - This is awesome. 378 00:23:42,504 --> 00:23:45,215 - All right, smile. Okay' got it. - Did you get it? 379 00:23:45,382 --> 00:23:47,634 - Oh, thank you very much. - E-mail me that. 380 00:23:47,801 --> 00:23:50,345 Oh' because he's the worst photographer. Okay' good. 381 00:23:50,512 --> 00:23:52,681 - You're gay? - Yeah. 382 00:23:53,515 --> 00:23:56,810 And l'm on the lnternet wearing a diaper? 383 00:23:56,977 --> 00:23:59,688 Who knew you'd come to Pittsburgh and meet a celebrity? 384 00:24:00,689 --> 00:24:02,649 I'm gonna binge-drink now until I pass out. 385 00:24:02,816 --> 00:24:06,945 Okay. She'll be fine. So you guys suck each other's cocks, huh? 386 00:24:07,112 --> 00:24:08,530 Oh' like crazy. 387 00:24:08,864 --> 00:24:10,198 [LAUGHlNG] 388 00:24:10,365 --> 00:24:12,576 Okay, that's enough, l think. 389 00:24:12,742 --> 00:24:14,744 I'm embarrassing him. I love when he's embarrassed. 390 00:24:14,911 --> 00:24:17,372 He's not Iiving out loud, so he gets all like, ooh. 391 00:24:17,539 --> 00:24:20,625 - You are totally in love, aren't you? - Zachary' we are. 392 00:24:20,792 --> 00:24:21,960 Wow, l-- 393 00:24:22,127 --> 00:24:23,879 Oh' God' l just wanna eat him up, yum, yum. 394 00:24:24,045 --> 00:24:25,797 Save some for me' yum, yum, yum. 395 00:24:25,964 --> 00:24:28,675 - l can't keep my hands off him. - You've had one too many. 396 00:24:28,842 --> 00:24:32,512 Although he does most of the eating in the sack. In the sack and of the sack. 397 00:24:32,929 --> 00:24:35,557 All right, that's enough. Look, you've drunk too much. 398 00:24:35,724 --> 00:24:38,810 You do this every time. You get too Mary for everybody in the room 399 00:24:38,977 --> 00:24:41,563 - and you can't contain yourself. - Oh, l'm sorry. 400 00:24:41,730 --> 00:24:45,901 And by containing myself, do you mean containing myself in a closet? 401 00:24:46,067 --> 00:24:48,737 In a closet of denial? ls that--? No, no, no. 402 00:24:48,904 --> 00:24:50,655 Holy shit, this just got real. 403 00:24:50,822 --> 00:24:52,908 This is exactly why you haven't met my mother. 404 00:24:53,074 --> 00:24:55,577 You don't know how to ease people into this situation. 405 00:24:55,744 --> 00:24:59,706 - You just force your way in every time. - l thought, maybe for one second 406 00:24:59,873 --> 00:25:03,126 in this godforsaken town, I could be myself. l'm so sorry. 407 00:25:03,293 --> 00:25:05,420 No, you're right' l should just butch up 408 00:25:05,587 --> 00:25:10,842 and pretend that l don't love it when you shove your dick in my mouth. 409 00:25:11,009 --> 00:25:14,095 - This is the best night of my life. BRANDON: Am l making a spectacle? 410 00:25:14,262 --> 00:25:16,723 - l could make a much bigger scene. - You really are. 411 00:25:16,890 --> 00:25:20,227 I'm sorry. Pittsburgh. Listen up' Monroe-vers. 412 00:25:20,393 --> 00:25:24,856 My name is Brandon St. Randy' and l love Bobby Long. 413 00:25:25,023 --> 00:25:26,566 - Fucking A. BRANDON: ls that enough? 414 00:25:26,733 --> 00:25:29,611 Is that enough of a scene? I could start doing worse than that. 415 00:25:29,778 --> 00:25:32,197 The reason you haven't taken me to your mother's-- 416 00:25:32,364 --> 00:25:35,951 Your mother with her makeup and all her drinking, she's in the closet too. 417 00:25:36,117 --> 00:25:39,704 - They fight just like reaI people. - l thought l'd be a conduit for you-- 418 00:25:39,871 --> 00:25:40,956 Thank you. 419 00:25:41,122 --> 00:25:43,959 - Are you being sarcastic? - No, I'm not. 420 00:25:44,626 --> 00:25:47,254 - Thank you. - l Iove you. 421 00:25:48,129 --> 00:25:50,590 - l'll e-mail you. - Zack, it was so nice to meet you. 422 00:25:50,757 --> 00:25:54,010 And l will be patient with you. I will be there on your journey. 423 00:25:54,177 --> 00:25:57,931 I will be your Sherpa up the mountain of gayness. 424 00:26:24,958 --> 00:26:29,879 WelI' might as well see how many hits Granny Panties is up to, huh? 425 00:26:30,505 --> 00:26:31,840 [COMPUTER PLAYS FANFARE] 426 00:26:33,717 --> 00:26:35,510 Did l do that? 427 00:26:40,307 --> 00:26:42,309 [MUSlC PLAYS OVER SPEAKERS] 428 00:26:43,101 --> 00:26:45,020 Thanks, George. 429 00:26:46,521 --> 00:26:49,899 What kind of evil fucks turn off your power the day--? 430 00:26:50,066 --> 00:26:55,155 No, the night before Thanksgiving? Who does that? 431 00:26:55,322 --> 00:26:56,990 Can you get an advance on your card? 432 00:26:57,157 --> 00:27:02,037 FIeshlight maxed-out my $200 limit. Not a wise purchase, l'll give you that. 433 00:27:02,203 --> 00:27:06,207 This is bad. lf we don't come up with rent, we're gonna get Iocked out. 434 00:27:06,374 --> 00:27:09,127 Who the fuck wants to live there? There's no water or power. 435 00:27:09,294 --> 00:27:12,714 Which means by the time we get home, there's no heat either. 436 00:27:13,715 --> 00:27:17,469 WelI' l think it's time we put what we always talked about into effect. 437 00:27:18,136 --> 00:27:20,847 - You're gonna have to start hooking. - You know, you jest, 438 00:27:21,014 --> 00:27:23,892 but these are the exact circumstances people find themselves in 439 00:27:24,059 --> 00:27:26,478 right before they start having sex for money. 440 00:27:26,645 --> 00:27:29,356 - Yeah. - Or making porn. 441 00:27:43,328 --> 00:27:46,164 ZACK: Oh, my God, yeah. - What? You got an idea? 442 00:27:46,331 --> 00:27:47,749 We could make a porno. 443 00:27:48,166 --> 00:27:50,085 - Not the idea l was looking for. - What? 444 00:27:50,251 --> 00:27:53,880 No, that is a fucking awesome idea. Are you shitting me? That's a rad idea. 445 00:27:54,047 --> 00:27:57,967 That guy, Brandon St. Randy, who's Bobby Long's awesome nice boyfriend, 446 00:27:58,134 --> 00:27:59,928 he said he makes a hundred grand a year 447 00:28:00,095 --> 00:28:03,723 because he shoots and distributes his own porno flicks. 448 00:28:03,890 --> 00:28:06,184 If it's so easy, how come everybody doesn't do it? 449 00:28:06,351 --> 00:28:09,646 Because other people have options and dignity, which we do not have, 450 00:28:09,813 --> 00:28:12,899 which puts us in an amazingly advantageous position. 451 00:28:13,066 --> 00:28:14,567 Fuck you, I have dignity. 452 00:28:14,734 --> 00:28:16,945 Where? ls it hidden in your gigantic underpants 453 00:28:17,112 --> 00:28:20,699 that are plastered all over the lnternet? Is that where you hide your dignity? 454 00:28:20,865 --> 00:28:24,786 Every woman has a pair of those period panties. That's, like, a fact. 455 00:28:24,953 --> 00:28:25,954 Okay. FamiIies. 456 00:28:26,121 --> 00:28:28,915 I bet people don't make porno, because they have families. 457 00:28:29,082 --> 00:28:33,962 But luckily, your parents are dead. Sorry. My grandparents are dead. 458 00:28:34,129 --> 00:28:35,839 - Sorry. - Thank you. 459 00:28:36,005 --> 00:28:39,384 So who are we gonna disappoint? Porn has gone mainstream now. 460 00:28:39,551 --> 00:28:44,097 It's like Coca-Cola or Pepsi with dicks in it. Look at Paris Hilton. 461 00:28:44,264 --> 00:28:46,474 She throat-fucks a guy in night vision, 462 00:28:46,641 --> 00:28:48,893 now she's selling fragrances to tweens. 463 00:28:49,060 --> 00:28:51,271 And l'm pretty sure she's legally retarded. 464 00:28:51,438 --> 00:28:52,480 That's for tweens? 465 00:28:52,647 --> 00:28:55,400 Have you seen that Joe Francis guy who made Girls Gone Wild? 466 00:28:55,567 --> 00:28:58,486 That guy is the biggest fucking idiot piece of shit in the world 467 00:28:58,653 --> 00:29:00,822 and he has a jet and a fucking isIand. 468 00:29:00,989 --> 00:29:05,910 Look, there's got to be a less extreme solution to our financial woes here. 469 00:29:06,077 --> 00:29:08,663 - Give me a better option. - Get a paper route. 470 00:29:08,830 --> 00:29:10,623 - l don't have a bike. - Be a waiter. 471 00:29:10,790 --> 00:29:14,461 No one wants me around their food. Would you eat food that l gave you? 472 00:29:14,627 --> 00:29:17,005 I would not eat food that you gave me, that's true. 473 00:29:17,172 --> 00:29:19,507 MlRl: l mean, nobody wants to see us fuck, Zack. 474 00:29:19,674 --> 00:29:23,303 ZACK: Everybody wants to see anybody fuck. I hate Rosie O'Donnell, 475 00:29:23,470 --> 00:29:27,015 but if someone said' "l got a tape of Rosie O'Donnell getting fucked stupid," 476 00:29:27,182 --> 00:29:29,851 I'd be like, "Why aren't we watching that right now?" 477 00:29:30,018 --> 00:29:31,311 Because she's famous. Hello. 478 00:29:31,478 --> 00:29:33,563 So are you. You're fucking Granny Panties. 479 00:29:33,730 --> 00:29:37,192 My underwear and your ass are famous' we're not. 480 00:29:37,358 --> 00:29:39,861 So who the F would wanna watch us fuck? 481 00:29:40,028 --> 00:29:42,781 - At least 800 peopIe. - The jerks we went to school with? 482 00:29:42,947 --> 00:29:44,657 - Are you serious? - Of course. 483 00:29:44,824 --> 00:29:46,785 If you heard that someone we graduated with 484 00:29:46,951 --> 00:29:49,370 was in a fucking porno movie, you'd watch it, right? 485 00:29:49,537 --> 00:29:52,040 I'd watch that guy Brandon suck a cock, l just met him. 486 00:29:52,207 --> 00:29:54,793 With this mailing list, we have almost a thousand people 487 00:29:54,959 --> 00:29:57,754 that would definitely buy a porno we were in just to be like, 488 00:29:57,921 --> 00:30:01,216 "Hey, l sat next to that guy in Civics. Look at his fucking dick." 489 00:30:01,382 --> 00:30:05,887 We sell a thousand copies at 20 bucks a pop, bam' we have paid off our bills. 490 00:30:06,930 --> 00:30:10,892 ZACK: So' what do you think? - l don't think l wanna fuck a stranger. 491 00:30:11,059 --> 00:30:13,561 Oh' wow, like you've never done that before. 492 00:30:13,728 --> 00:30:17,190 How many guys have you met in a bar, taken home, 493 00:30:17,357 --> 00:30:21,027 banged with your mouth and then never taIked to again? 494 00:30:21,194 --> 00:30:22,695 That's what we call a stranger. 495 00:30:22,862 --> 00:30:26,908 Dude, l don't one-night mouth-fuck anybody that l pick up in bars. 496 00:30:27,075 --> 00:30:32,121 You don't wanna fuck a stranger in the porno movie for some weird reason. 497 00:30:32,497 --> 00:30:33,581 I guess. . . 498 00:30:36,709 --> 00:30:37,752 We could fuck. 499 00:30:38,795 --> 00:30:40,755 - Ew. - Fuck you. 500 00:30:40,922 --> 00:30:44,092 I mean, you're a nice-enough-looking guy and everything-- 501 00:30:44,259 --> 00:30:47,136 Holy fuck, thank you. You're an all-right-enough-looking girl. 502 00:30:47,303 --> 00:30:49,430 - How does that feel? - Dude' l'm just saying 503 00:30:49,597 --> 00:30:52,308 it'd be weird and wrong, you know, like fucking my brother. 504 00:30:52,475 --> 00:30:55,228 Okay, seriously, we're just talking about sex, okay? 505 00:30:55,395 --> 00:30:59,774 It's for a purpose. lt's for getting rich. Only my dick and your pussy 506 00:30:59,941 --> 00:31:03,778 would be doing something weird. Our bodies and brains would be acting. 507 00:31:04,320 --> 00:31:07,282 - Wow. - Just explain to your private beforehand, 508 00:31:07,448 --> 00:31:10,618 "Look' this doesn't mean anything. We're just doing this for cash." 509 00:31:11,286 --> 00:31:13,621 - Oh, my God. - What? 510 00:31:13,788 --> 00:31:17,584 You're just doing this because you've always wanted to fuck me, aren't you? 511 00:31:18,334 --> 00:31:23,464 Yes. l've gone my whole life pretending that l want nothing to do with you, 512 00:31:23,631 --> 00:31:26,926 just hoping one day we'd be in such dire financial straits 513 00:31:27,093 --> 00:31:30,638 that l could use it to finally make my move on you. 514 00:31:34,225 --> 00:31:36,477 MlRl: You're just being sarcastic. - l am. 515 00:31:36,644 --> 00:31:39,314 See' l was pretending to cry right there. 516 00:31:40,315 --> 00:31:43,318 MlRl: I guess it's not like it'd be creepy, 517 00:31:43,484 --> 00:31:47,405 like if we got way too drunk one night and accidentally fucked, you know? 518 00:31:47,572 --> 00:31:52,160 No. We'd be going in with the understanding that it's-- 519 00:31:52,327 --> 00:31:53,661 A business decision. 520 00:31:53,828 --> 00:31:56,414 StrictIy a business decision. It's a means to an end. 521 00:31:56,581 --> 00:31:57,999 - Right. - And by end, 522 00:31:58,166 --> 00:32:00,335 I mean, l'll be waxing your ass. 523 00:32:00,501 --> 00:32:03,504 Fuck you. I'm not even letting you see my ass. 524 00:32:03,671 --> 00:32:07,508 I've seen your ass and the rest of you naked around a billion times already. 525 00:32:07,675 --> 00:32:10,345 - That goes both ways, buddy. - You've never seen my dick. 526 00:32:10,511 --> 00:32:12,847 Have you seen my dick? You've never seen my dick. 527 00:32:13,014 --> 00:32:16,059 Are you kidding? That party we went to where you got blasted, 528 00:32:16,225 --> 00:32:18,353 and Houls dared you to give yourself head, 529 00:32:18,519 --> 00:32:20,813 and we all watched you try for, like, an hour. 530 00:32:20,980 --> 00:32:25,777 Oh' yeah. Thanks by the way, for fucking letting me do that. Thank you. 531 00:32:25,944 --> 00:32:28,363 Oh' God. We reaIly do know too much about each other. 532 00:32:28,529 --> 00:32:32,158 See' and this would really just be one more thing. 533 00:32:32,325 --> 00:32:36,162 I mean, look at us. lt's Thanksgiving and we're huddled around a flaming 534 00:32:36,329 --> 00:32:38,706 fucking garbage can like a couple of steno bums. 535 00:32:38,873 --> 00:32:42,877 I mean, this could give us a chance to pay off our debt, pay our bills, 536 00:32:43,044 --> 00:32:46,965 get a fucking nicer apartment with heat in it maybe. 537 00:32:49,801 --> 00:32:51,469 What are you doing? 538 00:32:53,054 --> 00:32:58,142 Miriam Linky, will you have sex with me on camera for money? 539 00:33:05,358 --> 00:33:07,110 I will. 540 00:33:08,069 --> 00:33:09,404 DELANEY: A producer? ZACK: Yeah. 541 00:33:09,570 --> 00:33:13,533 - Guy who gets to finance the movie. - You think l got that kind of money? 542 00:33:13,700 --> 00:33:16,703 We just need that. What you're about to spend on the fIat screen. 543 00:33:16,869 --> 00:33:18,913 Now l can't get my flat screen? Fuck that. 544 00:33:19,080 --> 00:33:23,001 No, no, no. With your cut of the profits, you're gonna get two flat screens. 545 00:33:23,167 --> 00:33:25,420 One in your living room, one in your bathroom. 546 00:33:25,586 --> 00:33:27,380 One in the bathroom? 547 00:33:27,964 --> 00:33:30,883 You know, it's always been my dream to watch shit while l shit. 548 00:33:31,050 --> 00:33:33,678 Everyone with an ass loves to watch shit while they shit. 549 00:33:33,845 --> 00:33:36,931 - l'm gonna make that happen for you. - l don't know, man. 550 00:33:37,098 --> 00:33:38,558 What else the producer do? 551 00:33:38,808 --> 00:33:42,603 - Um, they help with the casting. - What's casting? 552 00:33:42,770 --> 00:33:44,605 Finding the people to be in the movie. 553 00:33:44,772 --> 00:33:46,566 - l get to help pick the women? - Yeah. 554 00:33:46,733 --> 00:33:50,111 Like, l can look at a titty, make sure there ain't no moIes on there? 555 00:33:50,278 --> 00:33:53,072 - You can look at both titties, man. - Man. 556 00:33:53,239 --> 00:33:57,076 I've been looking at the same busted titties for the past almost 20 years. 557 00:33:57,243 --> 00:34:01,789 - l'm due for another new titty. - Please heIp us. Please. 558 00:34:01,956 --> 00:34:03,708 Please. 559 00:34:06,294 --> 00:34:08,796 Yes. Yes. l love you. 560 00:34:11,674 --> 00:34:13,384 WelI' don't mind that smell. 561 00:34:13,551 --> 00:34:16,387 We had some homeless people squatting in here. 562 00:34:16,554 --> 00:34:19,807 You know, they'd void their bowels everywhere but the bathroom. 563 00:34:19,974 --> 00:34:24,645 Anyway, you pick up the poop and you've got yourseIf a movie studio. 564 00:34:24,812 --> 00:34:26,522 Why don't we shoot in your apartment? 565 00:34:26,689 --> 00:34:28,858 No power. You wanna pay our electric bilI? 566 00:34:29,025 --> 00:34:31,944 - You motherfuckers. . . - We'll take it. 567 00:34:32,111 --> 00:34:33,446 [WHlSTLE BLOWS] 568 00:34:34,822 --> 00:34:37,116 MAN 1 : Bring it back. - Fuck, fuck, fuck. 569 00:34:38,493 --> 00:34:41,496 DEACON: Oh' Jesus. Oh' Jesus. 570 00:34:41,662 --> 00:34:44,749 Oh' God. Come on. 571 00:34:45,500 --> 00:34:49,587 Why the fuck do l have to do everything? Fuckers. 572 00:34:50,129 --> 00:34:51,464 [CROWD CHEERS] 573 00:34:52,131 --> 00:34:54,467 MAN 2: Hey, what is that? 574 00:34:55,176 --> 00:34:59,847 DEACON: Fucking guys. This fucking team, man. They fucking suck. 575 00:35:00,014 --> 00:35:01,099 [MAN 2 SHOUTlNG INDlSTlNCTLY] 576 00:35:01,265 --> 00:35:04,185 I'm gonna hatefuck the shit out of you, ref. 577 00:35:04,352 --> 00:35:06,687 - Dude. - lt's cool. 578 00:35:06,854 --> 00:35:08,689 - He's my cousin. - Hey. 579 00:35:09,607 --> 00:35:13,194 Didn't you used to videotape the varsity basketball games in high school? 580 00:35:13,569 --> 00:35:17,365 Just the away games. l did it because I was trying to fuck a cheerleader. 581 00:35:17,532 --> 00:35:18,533 Which one? 582 00:35:18,699 --> 00:35:22,578 Whichever one wanted to fuck the guy who taped the varsity games. 583 00:35:22,870 --> 00:35:25,540 - Aw . - Still know how to work a camera? 584 00:35:25,706 --> 00:35:28,793 - Who cares what the title is? - The porn I liked when l was a kid, 585 00:35:28,960 --> 00:35:31,629 it was always, Iike, a spoof of a popular movie, you know? 586 00:35:31,796 --> 00:35:34,340 Like, um, Edward Penishands. 587 00:35:34,507 --> 00:35:38,386 Okay, so we need a miIdly clever, vaguely dirty title, 588 00:35:38,553 --> 00:35:40,138 that sounds like a real movie 589 00:35:40,304 --> 00:35:42,890 - and sums up what you're gonna see. - Correct. 590 00:35:43,057 --> 00:35:45,184 An American Werewolf in Brenda? 591 00:35:45,351 --> 00:35:47,061 Fuckback Mountain? 592 00:35:48,229 --> 00:35:51,399 - Too soon? A Cock-in-Lips Now? MlRl: Next. 593 00:35:51,566 --> 00:35:53,693 CradIe the balls. Work the shaft. 594 00:35:53,860 --> 00:35:56,863 Jerk my come-crayon and let me color you white. 595 00:35:57,029 --> 00:35:59,407 I need cock and l need it now. 596 00:35:59,574 --> 00:36:01,075 I'm fucking you in the puss. 597 00:36:01,242 --> 00:36:03,411 I'm fucking you in the puss. 598 00:36:03,578 --> 00:36:05,746 It's "puss" as in pussy. 599 00:36:06,289 --> 00:36:10,209 Oh' because l was like' who would wanna fuck puss? 600 00:36:10,376 --> 00:36:16,591 I want to sIam my ham in your can, woman. Scene. 601 00:36:16,757 --> 00:36:20,469 - This guy is amazing. - This guy's great-looking too. 602 00:36:20,636 --> 00:36:21,929 I wanna fuck him. 603 00:36:22,096 --> 00:36:26,225 DELANEY: Hi, my name's Delaney and l'm a producer. 604 00:36:26,392 --> 00:36:29,437 I really don't know what it means. l'm gonna be honest' this is my first time. 605 00:36:29,604 --> 00:36:33,774 You don't have to worry, l'm not gonna touch you or nothing like that. 606 00:36:33,941 --> 00:36:37,069 - All right. - l have a wife, you know. 607 00:36:37,236 --> 00:36:41,699 We're happy. l mean, not happy' but it's cool, you know. 608 00:36:42,408 --> 00:36:46,120 Just so you know, there will be some fucking. 609 00:36:46,370 --> 00:36:50,041 - We'll talk about that if you get the part. - Okay. 610 00:36:50,208 --> 00:36:53,336 I mean, not-- We won't be fucking, there'll be fucking in the movie. 611 00:36:53,502 --> 00:36:56,297 Like l said' l got a wife. She don't play that shit. 612 00:36:56,464 --> 00:36:58,966 - She is a crazy bitch. - Yep. 613 00:36:59,133 --> 00:37:03,763 It's my job as the producer to see what you got. 614 00:37:04,222 --> 00:37:07,141 So if that makes you uncomfortabIe in any way, 615 00:37:07,308 --> 00:37:13,397 you don't have to show me anything you don't wanna show me, because-- 616 00:37:14,774 --> 00:37:16,484 I love the movies. 617 00:37:16,651 --> 00:37:18,736 - Lawrence of a Labia. - No. 618 00:37:18,903 --> 00:37:21,072 - Oh, come on. - Dawn of the Dick. 619 00:37:21,239 --> 00:37:24,075 Yeah, but how are zombies doing it at all sexy? 620 00:37:24,242 --> 00:37:27,036 I want to eat your brain 621 00:37:27,203 --> 00:37:29,288 and your ass. 622 00:37:29,455 --> 00:37:30,498 [GROANlNG] 623 00:37:30,790 --> 00:37:32,750 - Dude. - Sci-fi. 624 00:37:32,917 --> 00:37:36,671 Yeah. Close Encounters With a Turd From Behind. 625 00:37:36,837 --> 00:37:39,006 - l don't know what that means. - Just asses. 626 00:37:39,173 --> 00:37:41,175 Fucking deep in asses. 627 00:37:41,342 --> 00:37:43,344 [TECHNO MUSlC PLAYlNG OVER SPEAKERS] 628 00:37:45,137 --> 00:37:46,180 What? 629 00:37:46,347 --> 00:37:48,391 We're making a porno and we just need to know 630 00:37:48,557 --> 00:37:51,936 what you would be or would not be interested in doing. 631 00:37:52,103 --> 00:37:53,354 If anything. 632 00:37:54,188 --> 00:37:56,607 - No anaI. - Oh, definitely no anal. 633 00:37:56,774 --> 00:37:58,526 Anal and hugging. 634 00:37:58,693 --> 00:38:00,027 I don't do ass stuff. 635 00:38:00,194 --> 00:38:02,613 - Anal. - Ah, fuck. 636 00:38:02,780 --> 00:38:06,033 - Oh, wait, oral. l like anal. - Yay. 637 00:38:06,200 --> 00:38:09,537 Okay, well, so, uh, do you have any speciaI skills? 638 00:38:09,704 --> 00:38:11,330 Special skills? 639 00:38:12,873 --> 00:38:15,543 I can get a boner really quick and it sticks straight up. 640 00:38:15,710 --> 00:38:17,712 - ls that realIy a special skill? - l think. 641 00:38:17,878 --> 00:38:20,673 - Can you show us what you mean? - Sure. 642 00:38:28,639 --> 00:38:30,016 Oh' that is special. 643 00:38:30,182 --> 00:38:31,559 [ZACK CHUCKLES] 644 00:38:31,726 --> 00:38:32,935 Yeah, you're hired, Mr.-- 645 00:38:33,102 --> 00:38:34,895 - Who are you again? - Lester. 646 00:38:35,062 --> 00:38:37,565 Lester "The Molester" Cockinshtuff. 647 00:38:37,732 --> 00:38:38,733 - No. - Wow. 648 00:38:38,899 --> 00:38:41,902 That is the best porn name I've ever heard' man. 649 00:38:42,069 --> 00:38:43,404 I can have a porn name? 650 00:38:44,238 --> 00:38:48,075 - Then l'll be Pete Jones. - Okay. 651 00:38:48,492 --> 00:38:49,910 Are you Granny Panties? 652 00:38:50,077 --> 00:38:52,079 - She is. - Get the fuck out of here. 653 00:38:52,246 --> 00:38:53,831 The panties are actually in the house. 654 00:38:53,998 --> 00:38:55,041 - l'll get them. - Whoa. 655 00:38:55,207 --> 00:38:58,753 - Star Sex 2: The Wrath of Cunt. MlRl: We never made a Star Sex 1 . 656 00:38:58,919 --> 00:39:01,589 I guess we can lose Star Sex 3: The Search for Cock, then. 657 00:39:01,756 --> 00:39:03,591 - Cocunt. - What's that? 658 00:39:03,758 --> 00:39:05,384 It's Cocoon with a cunt. 659 00:39:05,551 --> 00:39:06,927 [LAUGHlNG] 660 00:39:07,094 --> 00:39:11,265 So Delaney tells us you have a special talent of some sort. 661 00:39:11,432 --> 00:39:13,934 I don't know if l'd call it a special talent, 662 00:39:14,101 --> 00:39:17,605 but it's a little something l picked up doing bachelor parties. 663 00:39:17,772 --> 00:39:20,524 It would probably be easier if l just showed you. 664 00:39:21,150 --> 00:39:22,943 - Great. - The floor is yours. 665 00:39:38,793 --> 00:39:41,712 So a movie, huh? That could be fun. 666 00:39:52,056 --> 00:39:54,058 Holy fuck. 667 00:39:58,646 --> 00:40:00,815 Her name's Bubbles. 668 00:40:01,440 --> 00:40:04,860 - lnvasion of the Potty-Snatchers? - That's Iike MAD Magazine stupid. 669 00:40:05,027 --> 00:40:08,989 WelI' fuck you' okay? You try to think of a good sci-fi porno title. lt's hard. 670 00:40:09,156 --> 00:40:12,159 MlRl: There's gotta be one we haven't thought of that would say it all' 671 00:40:12,326 --> 00:40:14,328 not be ridiculously filthy and off-putting, 672 00:40:14,495 --> 00:40:17,665 and still have instant recognition with our audience. 673 00:40:19,291 --> 00:40:20,418 - l got it. - l got it. 674 00:40:21,335 --> 00:40:24,213 - Star Whores. - Yeah. lt's funny' right? 675 00:40:24,380 --> 00:40:27,299 See' we figured this opens us up to an even bigger sales market 676 00:40:27,466 --> 00:40:29,510 beyond the people we went to school with. 677 00:40:29,677 --> 00:40:31,429 People who like comics and sci-fi. 678 00:40:31,595 --> 00:40:33,347 Comics? Like "Ziggy"? 679 00:40:33,514 --> 00:40:36,684 "Ziggy"? ls that even in fucking papers anymore? No, man. 680 00:40:36,851 --> 00:40:39,812 Fuck you. "Ziggy" is a comic' right next to "Family Circus." 681 00:40:39,979 --> 00:40:42,356 No, Iike Spider-Man and shit, you know? 682 00:40:42,731 --> 00:40:46,110 There's always a shitIoad of Star Wars nerds at those comic-book shows. 683 00:40:46,277 --> 00:40:49,738 So we sell them a Princess Leia they can reaIly fucking jerk off to. 684 00:40:49,905 --> 00:40:53,993 - That'd be me, Princess Lay-Her. - Who am l playing? 685 00:40:54,160 --> 00:40:57,621 You' my friend, are the lead role of Lubed Guy-Baller. 686 00:40:57,788 --> 00:40:59,373 Man' he's gonna be balIing dudes? 687 00:40:59,540 --> 00:41:01,584 I thought you said this was boys on girls. 688 00:41:01,750 --> 00:41:04,420 If l have to fuck a guy' okay, but I'd rather fuck a girl. 689 00:41:04,587 --> 00:41:06,297 What's wrong with you, boy? 690 00:41:06,464 --> 00:41:09,842 - We'll change the name to Sky-Baller. - Sky-Baller. 691 00:41:10,009 --> 00:41:12,052 I will be Hung So-low. 692 00:41:12,219 --> 00:41:15,973 Delaney, my friend, you are On-Ur-Knees Bend-Over. 693 00:41:16,140 --> 00:41:18,476 Man' l can't be in no porno. My wife will kill me. 694 00:41:18,642 --> 00:41:22,021 Hump me, On-Ur-Knees Bend-Over. You're my only hump. 695 00:41:22,188 --> 00:41:24,064 On the other hand, fuck my wife. 696 00:41:24,231 --> 00:41:27,526 Unfortunately, On-Ur-Knees Bend-Over does not have any sex in the movie 697 00:41:27,693 --> 00:41:32,490 but the droids do, I-CUP and R2-T-Bag. 698 00:41:32,656 --> 00:41:35,075 I robot. 699 00:41:35,242 --> 00:41:40,080 And Stacey over here is gonna play Darth Vibrator. 700 00:41:40,247 --> 00:41:42,500 - l'm the bad guy? - She's not a guy, Zack. 701 00:41:42,666 --> 00:41:44,960 I know that because l'm not a fucking idiot. 702 00:41:45,127 --> 00:41:48,672 In our movie, Darth Vibrator is a bad girl 703 00:41:48,839 --> 00:41:50,341 who wants to fuck the galaxy, 704 00:41:50,508 --> 00:41:54,887 literally' and it's up to Lubed and Hung to stop her with their cocks. 705 00:41:55,054 --> 00:41:57,097 - You and me get to have sex, then? - Yeah. 706 00:41:57,264 --> 00:41:59,892 - Cool. - l know. lsn't that awesome? 707 00:42:00,059 --> 00:42:03,729 Hold up, hold up. So who's all having sex with who in this movie? 708 00:42:03,896 --> 00:42:05,981 As of last night, I was having sex with Zack. 709 00:42:06,148 --> 00:42:11,195 What? Han Solo ain't never had no sex with Princess Leia in the Star Wars. 710 00:42:11,362 --> 00:42:13,822 ZACK: Guys' this isn't a literal adaptation here. 711 00:42:13,989 --> 00:42:17,117 It's more of an erotic re-imagining. 712 00:42:17,284 --> 00:42:20,871 Kind of like The Wiz or like a parody. With lots of anal. 713 00:42:21,038 --> 00:42:23,707 - Cool. - l know, isn't that awesome? 714 00:42:24,208 --> 00:42:28,295 I have a question, do Princess Lay-Her and Lubed Sky-Baller have sex? 715 00:42:29,630 --> 00:42:32,591 Uh, no, because they're brother and sister, 716 00:42:32,758 --> 00:42:35,427 and according to Miri' brothers and sisters can't fuck. 717 00:42:35,594 --> 00:42:38,013 But you said, that this wasn't a Iiteral translation, 718 00:42:38,180 --> 00:42:42,101 so that means Lester's character could have sex with Miri's character. 719 00:42:42,268 --> 00:42:46,397 Because l would love to fucking eat her ass and fuck her silly in the movie. 720 00:42:46,564 --> 00:42:48,983 Dream on, pal, it's never gonna happen, okay? 721 00:42:49,149 --> 00:42:51,986 - No, I'm fine with it. - See' she's fine-- Wait, what? 722 00:42:52,152 --> 00:42:55,239 Yep. l mean, everyone eIse is having sex with more than one person 723 00:42:55,406 --> 00:42:57,157 in this movie all of a sudden, 724 00:42:57,324 --> 00:43:02,621 so l think it's' you know' not fair if l'm only fucking you. 725 00:43:03,289 --> 00:43:06,292 Guys, read amongst yourselves, okay? Can l taIk to you for a sec? 726 00:43:06,917 --> 00:43:08,752 Look, Miri, 727 00:43:08,919 --> 00:43:12,339 we got plenty of sex going on in this thing, you don't have to do that. 728 00:43:12,506 --> 00:43:16,093 Zack, it's fine. l mean I have sIept with way worse-looking guys than Lester. 729 00:43:16,260 --> 00:43:18,929 I just wanna do my part for the movie like everyone else. 730 00:43:19,096 --> 00:43:22,224 You're having sex in the movie, you don't need to fuck someone else. 731 00:43:22,391 --> 00:43:24,685 - You're good. - l'm only fucking you' though. 732 00:43:24,852 --> 00:43:28,689 So don't we need to vary it up to keep it fair? 733 00:43:28,856 --> 00:43:31,150 Fair for--? l don't-- What? Fair for who? 734 00:43:31,317 --> 00:43:33,694 What are these, blood diamonds we're talking about? 735 00:43:33,861 --> 00:43:37,281 Fair for everyone else who is fucking more than one person, 736 00:43:37,448 --> 00:43:39,366 a.k.a. you' in the movie. 737 00:43:39,533 --> 00:43:42,703 - l mean, fine-- - All right. l mean, if you don't care-- 738 00:43:42,870 --> 00:43:45,789 I don't fucking care if you fuck him. Fuck. l don't give a shit. 739 00:43:45,956 --> 00:43:48,959 Like you said, you know, you've fucked bigger idiots than Lester. 740 00:43:49,126 --> 00:43:53,547 Holy shit. Are we really gonna shoot this in outer space? 741 00:43:53,714 --> 00:43:55,215 Maybe not bigger idiots. 742 00:44:42,971 --> 00:44:44,431 [MOUTHS] Thank you. 743 00:45:09,498 --> 00:45:14,128 - Cut. All right, guys, that's it. - Yeah. 744 00:45:14,294 --> 00:45:17,965 Make sure you leave your costume so we know they're here for tomorrow. 745 00:45:18,132 --> 00:45:22,010 MostIy, everybody, thank you so much for helping us get ready' you know. 746 00:45:22,177 --> 00:45:26,223 Cleaning this place out, building the sets, sewing the costumes, it's just-- 747 00:45:26,390 --> 00:45:28,225 I mean, it's really amazing. Thank you. 748 00:45:28,392 --> 00:45:29,727 ZACK: SeriousIy, thanks. 749 00:45:29,893 --> 00:45:34,314 But this is just the beginning, guys. If Star Whores works, and it wilI' 750 00:45:34,481 --> 00:45:37,901 we are set up for sequels galore. The Empire Strikes Ass. 751 00:45:38,068 --> 00:45:40,779 - Return of the Brown-Eye. - The Phantom Man-Ass. 752 00:45:40,946 --> 00:45:44,450 And Revenge of the Shit: The All-Anal Final Chapter. 753 00:45:46,577 --> 00:45:48,954 - Okay. - Revenge of the Shit. 754 00:45:49,538 --> 00:45:52,332 - You got it? - Yeah, no, we got it. 755 00:45:52,666 --> 00:45:53,709 Ew. 756 00:45:53,876 --> 00:45:56,378 - Fuck you, motherfuckers. - We'll talk about that one. 757 00:45:56,545 --> 00:45:58,964 We're gonna have a lot of fun' but more importantly, 758 00:45:59,131 --> 00:46:01,008 we're gonna make a lot of fucking money' okay? 759 00:46:01,175 --> 00:46:03,177 - Yeah. - So get ready for greatness, people. 760 00:46:03,343 --> 00:46:05,012 Tomorrow we start principal photography. 761 00:46:05,179 --> 00:46:07,347 - Whoo! - Yeah. 762 00:46:07,681 --> 00:46:10,017 - All right, good night, you guys. - We got a movie. 763 00:46:14,146 --> 00:46:16,023 - What? - Nothing. 764 00:46:16,190 --> 00:46:19,902 I think someone should acknowledge how insane and amazing this is 765 00:46:20,068 --> 00:46:23,322 - and it's all because of you. - l don't know. lt's just a porno. 766 00:46:23,489 --> 00:46:27,451 You know what l mean. You've really come into your own. 767 00:46:28,702 --> 00:46:29,953 Shut the fuck up. 768 00:46:31,163 --> 00:46:35,209 So speaking of coming into things' ready for tomorrow? Twenty years' 769 00:46:35,375 --> 00:46:38,212 we're finally gonna know what it's like to have sex with each other. 770 00:46:38,378 --> 00:46:39,880 You say that like you've been wondering 771 00:46:40,047 --> 00:46:42,174 what it'd be like to sleep with me for a while now. 772 00:46:42,341 --> 00:46:44,968 Why the fuck do you think I started hanging out with you? 773 00:46:45,135 --> 00:46:49,139 I knew it. Here, help. 774 00:46:52,726 --> 00:46:57,022 Let's just promise that it's not gonna change anything between us, okay? 775 00:46:57,189 --> 00:46:58,232 - Like what? - l don't know. 776 00:46:58,398 --> 00:47:00,567 Some guys can't keep sex in perspective. 777 00:47:00,734 --> 00:47:03,445 If anyone's gotta keep this in perspective, it's you, okay? 778 00:47:03,612 --> 00:47:06,573 I don't want you getting all mushy and gooey on me 779 00:47:06,740 --> 00:47:09,243 after l give you the best orgasm you've ever had. 780 00:47:09,409 --> 00:47:11,787 Oh' like you know what you're doing down there at all. 781 00:47:11,954 --> 00:47:14,832 I actually don't. Where's the clitoris? Is it in your ass? 782 00:47:14,998 --> 00:47:17,751 Just, you know, make sure you kind of whoop it up 783 00:47:17,918 --> 00:47:22,256 and act like I'm a stud who knows what he's doing' okay? Just be a paI. 784 00:47:22,422 --> 00:47:26,218 Oh' dude, l am gonna Meryl Streep the fuck out of this tomorrow, you watch. 785 00:47:28,804 --> 00:47:32,015 - Thanks. - You're welcome. 786 00:47:32,182 --> 00:47:34,434 No. Really, thank you. 787 00:47:36,436 --> 00:47:38,397 For everything. 788 00:47:40,107 --> 00:47:42,067 You're weIcome. 789 00:47:48,115 --> 00:47:50,826 Less than 1 2 hours and we make Monroeville history. 790 00:47:50,993 --> 00:47:55,706 - l really hope nothing goes wrong. - lt's a movie. What could go wrong? 791 00:48:04,506 --> 00:48:06,717 ZACK: What are you doing? 792 00:48:08,635 --> 00:48:10,804 DELANEY: What's up? - What the fuck? 793 00:48:10,971 --> 00:48:12,306 What are you doing? 794 00:48:12,472 --> 00:48:14,474 - What are you doing? - Wait, wait. 795 00:48:14,641 --> 00:48:16,602 - Wait. - Stop. Stop. 796 00:48:17,811 --> 00:48:20,981 - No, no, no. - What the fuck is going on? 797 00:48:21,148 --> 00:48:24,234 Condos is what's going on, as soon as this shit-hole's demo'd. 798 00:48:24,401 --> 00:48:25,861 No, you gotta stop it right now. 799 00:48:26,028 --> 00:48:28,405 We rented this place for a month from Mr. Jenkins. 800 00:48:28,572 --> 00:48:30,782 Sounds like your Mr. Jenkins was full of shit. 801 00:48:30,949 --> 00:48:33,410 Luxury Homesteads bought this place a month ago. 802 00:48:33,577 --> 00:48:35,287 I'm gonna kill that lying old fuck. 803 00:48:35,454 --> 00:48:37,956 You're gonna have to go Florida, that's where he moved. 804 00:48:38,123 --> 00:48:40,334 We've got thousands of dollars of equipment in there. 805 00:48:40,500 --> 00:48:43,128 - Please. - lf you wanna sift through this rubble 806 00:48:43,295 --> 00:48:47,215 when we're done, be my guest. Hey, get that fucking beam down. 807 00:49:04,566 --> 00:49:06,818 MlRl: This is the last thing you wanna hear. 808 00:49:06,985 --> 00:49:08,362 If you don't get an advance, 809 00:49:08,528 --> 00:49:10,989 I don't think we're gonna keep a roof over our heads. 810 00:49:11,156 --> 00:49:14,868 I got an advance already. It went into all the costumes. 811 00:49:15,035 --> 00:49:17,871 - So alI our money's gone? - All your money? 812 00:49:18,038 --> 00:49:21,541 Never mind what my wife's gonna do when there ain't no new snow tires, 813 00:49:21,708 --> 00:49:24,628 or when she sees I charged a video camera. 814 00:49:24,795 --> 00:49:26,672 I'm sorry I dragged you into this' man. 815 00:49:26,838 --> 00:49:28,715 DELANEY: I just wanted to see some free titties. 816 00:49:29,383 --> 00:49:35,222 That's alI. But there's no such thing as free titties' is there, Zack? 817 00:49:36,306 --> 00:49:38,517 - ls there? - Fuck this noise. 818 00:49:38,684 --> 00:49:41,395 Why don't we get another camera, and shoot something else? 819 00:49:41,561 --> 00:49:43,981 Where are we gonna do that? Got another sound stage? 820 00:49:44,147 --> 00:49:48,193 Sound stage? We had a shit-covered garage we turned into a sound stage. 821 00:49:48,360 --> 00:49:51,029 We find someplace new and we do it again. 822 00:49:51,196 --> 00:49:52,239 [DOOR SQUEAKS] 823 00:49:52,406 --> 00:49:53,824 How? Okay, l'm broke, man. 824 00:49:53,991 --> 00:49:58,495 No, make that' l was broke. Now l am realIy tapped out. 825 00:49:58,662 --> 00:50:01,081 I have to get another job to pay Delaney back. 826 00:50:01,248 --> 00:50:04,751 So please tell me, how can l afford to start over? 827 00:50:04,918 --> 00:50:07,087 - What can l get you? - Yeah, can l get a, uh--? 828 00:50:07,254 --> 00:50:10,590 Too fucking late. Cappuccino, 3.50. 829 00:50:10,757 --> 00:50:12,759 I don't know what the fuck l was thinking. 830 00:50:12,926 --> 00:50:18,098 I mean, l'm a total loser in every single other aspect of my life. 831 00:50:18,265 --> 00:50:20,142 What made me think I could do something 832 00:50:20,308 --> 00:50:22,102 as simple as filming people fucking? 833 00:50:22,269 --> 00:50:25,105 We have no money left, nowhere to shoot, no sets, 834 00:50:25,272 --> 00:50:27,524 we have no fucking cameras. Here. 835 00:50:29,067 --> 00:50:31,903 It's time l go back to my regular life 836 00:50:32,070 --> 00:50:36,116 where l am a quiet fuckup who doesn't cost anybody any money 837 00:50:36,283 --> 00:50:39,369 and knows his goddamn position behind this fucking counter 838 00:50:39,536 --> 00:50:42,664 making cappuccinos for this fucking guy. 839 00:50:47,002 --> 00:50:50,297 Oh' yeah. Oh, yeah. 840 00:50:55,802 --> 00:50:57,471 What are you doing? 841 00:50:59,222 --> 00:51:00,640 ZACK: Oh' yeah. 842 00:51:01,266 --> 00:51:03,185 Yeah. 843 00:51:08,607 --> 00:51:10,442 Fuck, yes. 844 00:51:12,986 --> 00:51:13,987 Zack. 845 00:51:33,173 --> 00:51:34,966 [CHUCKLES] 846 00:51:36,051 --> 00:51:40,931 You sneaky lndian motherfucker. I tell you, yes. 847 00:51:42,140 --> 00:51:45,185 Swallow My Cockuccino. 848 00:51:45,352 --> 00:51:48,021 - What? - That's it. That's the movie. 849 00:51:48,188 --> 00:51:51,733 Why didn't l think of it before? We don't need sets or a stage. 850 00:51:51,900 --> 00:51:55,487 Look at aIl this production value, waiting to have balls on it. 851 00:51:55,654 --> 00:51:58,365 Hold up. You wanna shoot a dirty movie here, where we work? 852 00:51:58,532 --> 00:51:59,533 Yes. 853 00:51:59,699 --> 00:52:03,203 Fuck, yes, l do. You know how many stories l have from working here? 854 00:52:03,370 --> 00:52:07,332 How many times l've been Iaid right there after hours? 855 00:52:07,499 --> 00:52:09,126 You've never gotten laid here after hours. 856 00:52:09,292 --> 00:52:11,378 I know. Thank you for reminding me. 857 00:52:11,545 --> 00:52:16,508 But l always wish l had, and that's what porno is. It's fantasy. 858 00:52:16,675 --> 00:52:22,013 It's taking the normal and making it abnormal by fucking it. 859 00:52:22,180 --> 00:52:24,558 Don't do that. The little dog don't like that. 860 00:52:24,724 --> 00:52:26,184 How did you get a camera? 861 00:52:26,351 --> 00:52:30,230 By being a terrible, untrustworthy employee, that's how. 862 00:52:30,897 --> 00:52:35,569 Give me today, l'll bang out a script. Meet me back here after closing. 863 00:52:35,735 --> 00:52:40,907 We're gonna launch arching ropes of jism aIl over this motherfucker. Peace. 864 00:52:42,701 --> 00:52:46,538 I like that guy but if he tries to fuck that littIe dog tonight for real, 865 00:52:46,705 --> 00:52:48,874 I'm calling the Humane Society. 866 00:52:51,084 --> 00:52:55,005 It's calIed Bean-N-Gone, so get the fuck out of here. Hey, Barry. 867 00:53:00,760 --> 00:53:03,847 ZACK: Stand by, Stace' picture's up. - Okay. 868 00:53:04,014 --> 00:53:05,891 ZACK: Roll tape. 869 00:53:08,727 --> 00:53:11,771 Swallow My Cockuccino, Scene 1 2, Take 1 . 870 00:53:19,696 --> 00:53:21,823 ZACK: And action. 871 00:53:29,956 --> 00:53:33,585 I'd like a double espresso so l can stay up all night 872 00:53:33,752 --> 00:53:36,296 because l'm in the mood to fuck. 873 00:53:36,463 --> 00:53:40,967 WelI' l am a whore-ista, so l love to fuck. Would you like to fuck me? 874 00:53:41,134 --> 00:53:45,138 Holy fuck. You mean, after you're done with your shift? 875 00:53:45,305 --> 00:53:48,266 I mean during my shift. 876 00:53:49,142 --> 00:53:51,436 - Sorry. - Keep going, keep going. 877 00:53:51,603 --> 00:53:53,980 With your shaft. 878 00:54:04,282 --> 00:54:08,036 Let us fuck. 879 00:54:12,040 --> 00:54:13,833 Cue music. 880 00:54:14,709 --> 00:54:16,711 [FUNK MUSlC PLAYlNG] 881 00:54:19,631 --> 00:54:22,008 Okay, open up to camera, guys. Let us see it. 882 00:54:25,512 --> 00:54:26,680 More tongue. 883 00:54:29,808 --> 00:54:31,268 LittIe Iess tongue. 884 00:54:35,605 --> 00:54:37,524 Oh' that was good. 885 00:54:40,902 --> 00:54:42,904 [CASH REGlSTER BEEPlNG] 886 00:54:43,280 --> 00:54:44,364 Cue effects. 887 00:54:44,531 --> 00:54:46,533 [MOANlNG] 888 00:55:01,715 --> 00:55:04,092 Oh' yeah, like that. 889 00:55:04,259 --> 00:55:06,386 Oh' yeah. 890 00:55:07,554 --> 00:55:10,598 See' l told you it would work. Didn't l tell you? lt looks amazing. 891 00:55:10,765 --> 00:55:12,309 It's incredible. 892 00:55:12,892 --> 00:55:15,562 STACEY: Oh' the beans hurt. Easy. 893 00:55:15,854 --> 00:55:18,732 - Move in for coverage. - Nice. 894 00:55:19,065 --> 00:55:20,150 That's why we got him. 895 00:55:20,317 --> 00:55:23,570 - Nice. l'm impressed. - Get in there, Deacon. 896 00:55:23,737 --> 00:55:27,073 - Come on. - Like that? Like that. 897 00:55:27,240 --> 00:55:30,869 - Oh, yeah. - Oh, yeah. Look at that. 898 00:55:31,036 --> 00:55:32,912 - PuIl out a bit, actually. STACEY: That's hot. 899 00:55:33,079 --> 00:55:34,998 No, not you, Lester. Put it back in. 900 00:55:35,165 --> 00:55:36,666 Kiss the muscle. 901 00:55:37,250 --> 00:55:39,252 - l kiss the muscle. - You kiss the muscle. 902 00:55:39,919 --> 00:55:43,006 - Can he slap her ass a little? - Don't be a fucking pervert, dude. 903 00:55:43,173 --> 00:55:47,093 - Stir, come on. Stir. - Yeah, stir it. 904 00:55:47,510 --> 00:55:50,221 Stir it, baby. 905 00:55:59,022 --> 00:56:00,190 Hey. 906 00:56:01,566 --> 00:56:03,026 - Holy. - Shit. 907 00:56:03,193 --> 00:56:05,403 Are you guys still open? 908 00:56:06,946 --> 00:56:10,909 No. We close at 9. 909 00:56:11,743 --> 00:56:13,953 I need coffee so l'm drive home. 910 00:56:14,412 --> 00:56:17,540 - Okay. Yeah. MAN: Thank you. 911 00:56:18,875 --> 00:56:21,044 That's a cute kitty. 912 00:56:21,711 --> 00:56:22,879 Okay. 913 00:56:30,136 --> 00:56:31,137 Hey. 914 00:56:31,304 --> 00:56:32,972 - Hey. - Hey. 915 00:56:33,139 --> 00:56:36,935 You guys see the game? l was at it. 916 00:56:37,102 --> 00:56:42,482 Fucking Roethlisberger, the quarterback, was aIl fucking' 917 00:56:42,649 --> 00:56:48,405 "Hug it' chug it, football. All night." Heh-heh. 918 00:56:48,571 --> 00:56:50,907 Okay, paI' here you go. On the house. 919 00:56:51,241 --> 00:56:53,451 - l Iove you. - l Iove you too. Have a good one. 920 00:56:53,618 --> 00:56:56,871 - Yeah, l'll have a cold one. - l said, have a good one. 921 00:56:57,789 --> 00:56:58,832 Oh. 922 00:56:58,998 --> 00:57:01,751 - Okay. Keep moving. MAN: You and your little dog. 923 00:57:02,627 --> 00:57:04,796 Go Steelers. 924 00:57:10,677 --> 00:57:11,928 Action. 925 00:57:12,429 --> 00:57:16,474 Oh' yeah. Yeah, yeah, like that. 926 00:57:16,641 --> 00:57:21,521 Oh' fuck it' chuck it' footbalI. Oh' yeah. 927 00:57:21,855 --> 00:57:23,189 BARRY: Oh' God' this is good. 928 00:57:23,356 --> 00:57:25,358 [BARRY MOANlNG] 929 00:57:25,859 --> 00:57:32,157 You take it. You take it. Take it, Barry. Oh, take it. 930 00:57:32,323 --> 00:57:35,326 Take it, Barry. Take it. 931 00:57:36,161 --> 00:57:39,539 I'm disturbed at how turned on l am by this. 932 00:57:40,623 --> 00:57:42,250 - Shit, dude' it's almost 6. - Oh, fuck. 933 00:57:42,417 --> 00:57:44,544 Okay, that's a wrap, everybody, yeah. 934 00:57:44,711 --> 00:57:47,714 Let's give a hand to our hotties with the bodies from last night. 935 00:57:47,881 --> 00:57:50,383 Stacey, Lester, Bubbles, Barry' whoo. 936 00:57:50,550 --> 00:57:51,634 LESTER: Yeah. ZACK: Nice. 937 00:57:51,801 --> 00:57:53,595 Okay, when we come back tonight, 938 00:57:53,761 --> 00:57:57,599 we finish up the venti-vulva scene' and then we get into me and Miri's stuff. 939 00:57:57,765 --> 00:58:01,478 Again' amazing first night, everybody. Thank you so much. 940 00:58:04,564 --> 00:58:06,774 Let us fuck. 941 00:58:09,944 --> 00:58:12,280 - Hey' how'd it look? - How do you think it looked? 942 00:58:12,447 --> 00:58:15,909 It looked like shit going into other shit, in focus. 943 00:58:16,075 --> 00:58:19,704 What an artist. That was Kurosawa's motto. "Shit going into other shit." 944 00:58:19,871 --> 00:58:22,040 Oh' man, I can't beIieve you gotta work now. 945 00:58:22,207 --> 00:58:25,001 It's okay. You know, honestly, I don't think l could sleep. 946 00:58:25,168 --> 00:58:28,505 - l'm pretty, like, pumped up right now. - Right? lt was amazing. 947 00:58:28,671 --> 00:58:30,882 It was awesome. I think the cast and crew had a good time. 948 00:58:31,049 --> 00:58:33,259 - We were getting great shit. - Yeah, it was so fun. 949 00:58:33,426 --> 00:58:35,887 I just wanna keep shooting people boning alI day. 950 00:58:36,262 --> 00:58:39,432 I don't think l've ever met the ambitious Zack Brown before. 951 00:58:40,099 --> 00:58:43,394 - Well' l'm trying to pay the bills, so. . . - lt's not a bad thing. 952 00:58:44,604 --> 00:58:46,773 I think it looks good on you. 953 00:59:33,570 --> 00:59:37,949 ZACK: Come on, hurry. Come on, come on' come on. 954 00:59:39,033 --> 00:59:40,159 BUBBLES: Wait a minute. 955 00:59:40,326 --> 00:59:42,745 - You guys never did it before? MlRl: lt's fine. 956 00:59:43,204 --> 00:59:48,376 You know, we talked about it and it's just for the movie. 957 00:59:48,543 --> 00:59:50,545 We're friends' you know' we're just friends. 958 00:59:50,712 --> 00:59:54,591 And we will always just be just friends, so. . . 959 00:59:54,757 --> 00:59:58,136 Listen' l have some extra lube from last night. 960 00:59:58,303 --> 01:00:01,681 I understand it's kind of hard getting wet when everyone's watching. 961 01:00:01,848 --> 01:00:03,683 At least it was for Barry. 962 01:00:03,850 --> 01:00:06,811 - l don't know if l am gonna need it. - Really? 963 01:00:06,978 --> 01:00:10,440 Yeah, l think l'm just excited. 964 01:00:10,690 --> 01:00:11,941 Uh-huh. 965 01:00:12,609 --> 01:00:15,194 At the idea of people watching' not because of Zack. 966 01:00:15,361 --> 01:00:18,489 Oh' God. Zack could never have that effect on me in a million years. 967 01:00:18,656 --> 01:00:21,200 - Hello, Miriam. - Oh, hey. 968 01:00:21,367 --> 01:00:22,410 Wow . 969 01:00:22,577 --> 01:00:24,370 - Your face. - Yeah. Weird, huh? 970 01:00:24,537 --> 01:00:26,956 I don't think l've seen your face since senior year. 971 01:00:27,123 --> 01:00:28,291 ZACK: I think l made a mistake. 972 01:00:28,458 --> 01:00:31,377 I did it for you so you wouldn't get road rash during our scene, 973 01:00:31,544 --> 01:00:34,714 but I should have asked first' I look like a fucking beluga whale. 974 01:00:35,131 --> 01:00:37,717 I think l'll be going now. 975 01:00:39,135 --> 01:00:40,803 ZACK: Okay. 976 01:00:45,391 --> 01:00:47,393 [CLEARlNG THROAT] 977 01:00:47,560 --> 01:00:49,937 All l keep thinking is we should've done a trial run 978 01:00:50,104 --> 01:00:51,564 at home last week or something. 979 01:00:51,731 --> 01:00:53,524 - Oh, my God. Right? - l know. 980 01:00:53,691 --> 01:00:55,568 [LAUGHlNG] 981 01:00:55,735 --> 01:01:01,074 - You're still cool to do it, though, right? - Yeah, um. Totally. Are you? 982 01:01:01,240 --> 01:01:03,368 Yeah, yeah, yeah. You know, I'm, uh.. . 983 01:01:03,743 --> 01:01:06,204 - Honestly, I'm a little nervous, l guess. - You are? 984 01:01:06,371 --> 01:01:08,665 - lt's kind of a big deal. - lt is? 985 01:01:08,831 --> 01:01:12,752 Yeah, you know, it's our first time together 986 01:01:14,170 --> 01:01:18,424 since our auspicious debut on viral video. 987 01:01:19,592 --> 01:01:20,677 Oh' yeah. 988 01:01:20,843 --> 01:01:23,096 That's a fuckload of pressure for a director. 989 01:01:23,596 --> 01:01:27,100 As a director, please. What about the anxiety l'm feeling as an actress? 990 01:01:27,266 --> 01:01:30,603 - Did l pick the right project? - Yeah. What about this follow-up? 991 01:01:30,770 --> 01:01:33,773 Julia Roberts followed Pretty Waman with Sleeping With the Enemy. 992 01:01:33,940 --> 01:01:36,901 I'm following Granny Panties with Swallow My Cockuccino. 993 01:01:37,068 --> 01:01:39,320 Only difference is this movie's about cock-sucking 994 01:01:39,487 --> 01:01:41,572 and her movie just sucked cock, period. 995 01:01:41,739 --> 01:01:44,784 - The only difference, yeah. - The end was pretty rad. 996 01:01:45,410 --> 01:01:47,286 I liked that. 997 01:01:48,830 --> 01:01:51,374 - When she kills him. - With a gun. 998 01:01:51,541 --> 01:01:52,667 - Yeah. - Yeah. 999 01:01:52,834 --> 01:01:55,253 - She calls the cops first. - She calls it in first. 1000 01:01:55,420 --> 01:01:57,296 - lt was so awesome. - Awesome, yeah. 1001 01:01:59,549 --> 01:02:01,801 So l guess we should do this. 1002 01:02:01,968 --> 01:02:06,389 I think we should probably wait just until I lose another 20 or 30 pounds. 1003 01:02:06,556 --> 01:02:09,475 Stop it. You look good. 1004 01:02:09,642 --> 01:02:11,144 Thanks. 1005 01:02:12,812 --> 01:02:16,566 So, what about me? How do l look? 1006 01:02:17,775 --> 01:02:21,446 I mean, you Iook beautiful. You aIways look so beautiful, 1007 01:02:21,612 --> 01:02:25,825 so l guess it's not a big deal, but you look amazing. 1008 01:02:34,250 --> 01:02:38,004 - Okay. Let's go make a porno. - Okay. 1009 01:02:39,130 --> 01:02:43,009 Swallow My Cockuccino, Scene 8, Take 1 . 1010 01:02:43,176 --> 01:02:45,636 DEACON: Come here. - l'm over--? 1011 01:02:46,304 --> 01:02:48,181 All right, settle. 1012 01:02:48,931 --> 01:02:50,349 Action. 1013 01:02:50,516 --> 01:02:51,809 [KNOCKlNG ON DOOR] 1014 01:02:51,976 --> 01:02:54,353 Who could it be? 1015 01:03:01,569 --> 01:03:02,737 - Hi. - Hi. 1016 01:03:02,904 --> 01:03:06,365 I'm a delivery man and l have some cream for you. 1017 01:03:06,532 --> 01:03:10,036 Wow, that cream looks heavy. You must be strong. 1018 01:03:10,203 --> 01:03:11,662 I work out. 1019 01:03:11,829 --> 01:03:16,042 So do you want me to give you your cream now? 1020 01:03:16,209 --> 01:03:19,962 I've been waiting for it all day. 1021 01:03:21,047 --> 01:03:22,048 - Fuck. Come on. - Oops. 1022 01:03:22,215 --> 01:03:23,800 [WHlSPERS] Keep going. 1023 01:03:23,966 --> 01:03:28,387 I spilled my cream. Do you mind? 1024 01:03:28,554 --> 01:03:33,893 I don't mind. EspeciaIly if you spiIl it on my face. 1025 01:03:34,352 --> 01:03:36,395 Let us fuck. 1026 01:03:38,689 --> 01:03:40,566 [ROCK MUSlC PLAYlNG] 1027 01:03:42,652 --> 01:03:44,737 - Fix my shirt. Think l should? - Okay. 1028 01:03:44,904 --> 01:03:47,990 Let me see them titties. 1029 01:03:48,407 --> 01:03:51,494 Actually, you know what? Sorry, I don't think we should show them. 1030 01:03:51,661 --> 01:03:53,955 - What? - We shouldn't show your breasts. 1031 01:03:54,121 --> 01:03:57,208 - Aren't you gonna take your shirt off? - l'm just gonna open it. 1032 01:03:57,375 --> 01:03:59,126 You're not gonna take it off? Why not? 1033 01:03:59,293 --> 01:04:02,255 My tits are bigger than yours. I don't wanna show that. 1034 01:04:02,421 --> 01:04:05,383 She's not gonna show her tits? I showed my cock and my asshole. 1035 01:04:05,550 --> 01:04:07,885 - Okay, l'lI do your pants. - Back and forth. okay. 1036 01:04:08,052 --> 01:04:10,429 - Holy shit. - Where's that delivery? 1037 01:04:10,596 --> 01:04:15,893 I can't beIieve this. l was delivering cream, and look what's happening. 1038 01:04:16,060 --> 01:04:19,856 - Jesus, what is that, a rumba? - What's a rumba? 1039 01:04:20,022 --> 01:04:21,941 That awkward movement. 1040 01:04:23,609 --> 01:04:26,612 - Should l take your underpants off? - Yeah, take them off. 1041 01:04:29,615 --> 01:04:31,075 ZACK: What the fuck? How does this work? 1042 01:04:31,242 --> 01:04:33,160 They're just like-- l'll do it. 1043 01:04:33,327 --> 01:04:36,289 - l'll do mine, you just-- You do yours. - l'll do my pants. 1044 01:04:45,172 --> 01:04:47,425 Granny panties. 1045 01:04:49,302 --> 01:04:51,137 Just get on with it already. 1046 01:04:52,430 --> 01:04:54,307 I'm gonna fuck you with my pecker. 1047 01:04:54,473 --> 01:04:56,267 Dude, that's really dirty. 1048 01:04:56,434 --> 01:04:58,436 - That's too dirty? - That offends me. 1049 01:04:58,603 --> 01:05:00,479 - Penis? - Fine. 1050 01:05:00,646 --> 01:05:03,816 - l'm gonna fuck you with my penis. - l can't wait. 1051 01:05:03,983 --> 01:05:05,818 For my penis. 1052 01:05:05,985 --> 01:05:09,447 Be careful, Miri. Okay, there we go. Just keep rolling, keep rolling. 1053 01:05:09,614 --> 01:05:14,285 - l'll walk forward. - Fucking cream is coming. 1054 01:05:16,913 --> 01:05:19,999 This is the worst porno I've ever seen. 1055 01:05:20,374 --> 01:05:26,005 MlRl: Get over here, delivery man. ZACK: Let's fuck on these beans. 1056 01:05:26,964 --> 01:05:28,007 [GRUNTlNG] 1057 01:05:28,174 --> 01:05:29,216 - You okay? - Yup. 1058 01:05:29,383 --> 01:05:32,720 ZACK: Okay' aIl right. - Just Ieave them. Just leave them. 1059 01:05:32,887 --> 01:05:35,348 - They're really distracting. - You should leave them. 1060 01:05:35,514 --> 01:05:37,808 - You gotta get your-- There you go. ZACK: Okay' okay. 1061 01:05:37,975 --> 01:05:40,269 - Okay, okay. - Okay. This okay? 1062 01:05:44,273 --> 01:05:45,858 Okay. 1063 01:05:46,025 --> 01:05:47,443 Okay, uh. 1064 01:05:47,860 --> 01:05:50,696 - We'll start kissing on three' okay? - Okay. 1065 01:05:50,863 --> 01:05:54,450 One, two, three. Go. 1066 01:06:18,057 --> 01:06:19,976 MlRl: I'm ready. 1067 01:06:20,893 --> 01:06:24,397 - l'm ready. - Okay. 1068 01:06:33,531 --> 01:06:34,573 Deacon. 1069 01:06:34,740 --> 01:06:36,993 - Deacon. Deacon. - What? 1070 01:06:37,159 --> 01:06:40,579 Did you see Lost this week, man? I missed it. What happened? 1071 01:06:40,746 --> 01:06:43,666 They're on the island, off the island. Who can follow that? 1072 01:06:43,833 --> 01:06:44,959 I think they're in helI. 1073 01:06:45,126 --> 01:06:46,919 Would you aIl shut the motherfuck up? 1074 01:06:56,762 --> 01:06:58,764 [MOANlNG] 1075 01:07:01,934 --> 01:07:03,561 I want you to come. 1076 01:07:03,728 --> 01:07:06,689 - l want you to come with me. - Okay. 1077 01:07:11,610 --> 01:07:13,821 Oh' God. 1078 01:07:29,378 --> 01:07:31,464 ZACK: Oh' God. 1079 01:07:44,226 --> 01:07:45,394 Cut. 1080 01:07:45,561 --> 01:07:50,316 That's it? lt's over? Ain't he supposed to come on her titties? 1081 01:07:55,404 --> 01:07:58,032 WelI' it wasn't what we'd shot-listed' but that was nice. 1082 01:07:58,199 --> 01:08:00,826 - lt was so romantic. - Way to fuck, Zack. 1083 01:08:00,993 --> 01:08:03,204 Thanks, Lester, uh. 1084 01:08:03,412 --> 01:08:07,083 It wasn't just me, though, guys. Give it up for my radiant costar here, Miri. 1085 01:08:07,249 --> 01:08:08,292 [CHEERlNG] 1086 01:08:08,459 --> 01:08:10,628 LESTER: Nice. - Um, show's over in here. 1087 01:08:10,795 --> 01:08:12,880 Let's move out' start lighting the next scene. 1088 01:08:13,047 --> 01:08:14,799 - All right. LESTER: Let's do it. 1089 01:08:15,633 --> 01:08:17,551 BUBBLES: You looked so beautiful. - Thanks. 1090 01:08:17,718 --> 01:08:19,637 DELANEY: l thought they were gonna be fucking hard. 1091 01:08:19,804 --> 01:08:21,472 - lt was pretty. DELANEY: Pretty don't sell. 1092 01:08:21,639 --> 01:08:23,682 - Good job. - Thanks. 1093 01:08:24,183 --> 01:08:26,936 You good, Mir? You need anything? 1094 01:08:27,103 --> 01:08:29,021 I'm just gonna take a minute, okay? 1095 01:08:29,188 --> 01:08:32,525 Okay, uh. l'll just be out there. 1096 01:08:33,359 --> 01:08:34,860 Yeah. 1097 01:08:36,403 --> 01:08:39,949 - That was fun. - Yeah, fun. 1098 01:08:41,826 --> 01:08:44,286 ZACK [WHlSPERS]: "Fun." You fucking douche. 1099 01:08:46,914 --> 01:08:48,457 [SlGHS] 1100 01:09:10,062 --> 01:09:11,397 Wow . 1101 01:09:26,912 --> 01:09:28,414 - Hey. ZACK: Hey. 1102 01:09:28,581 --> 01:09:31,417 - You working on a rewrite? - Yeah, just for tonight's scene. 1103 01:09:31,584 --> 01:09:34,170 - l'm ready to go when you are, though. - Okay. 1104 01:09:35,921 --> 01:09:42,761 You know, before we go, l. . . I'm thinking that, uh, it's a good idea 1105 01:09:43,345 --> 01:09:45,264 if we talk about what happened last night. 1106 01:09:47,016 --> 01:09:49,727 - Oh. - l mean, we don't have to' but l think-- 1107 01:09:49,894 --> 01:09:51,061 Okay, yeah, uh. 1108 01:09:51,228 --> 01:09:53,230 I kind of dropped the baIl on that, I guess, huh? 1109 01:09:53,397 --> 01:09:57,276 - No, no. It's. .. - To be honest, it was. . . 1110 01:09:57,443 --> 01:10:00,029 You know, I didn't realize how weird it wouId be for me. 1111 01:10:00,196 --> 01:10:02,948 Weird? Like-- Weird how? 1112 01:10:03,574 --> 01:10:07,203 Acting and directing at the same time. It's a lot to process, you know. 1113 01:10:07,369 --> 01:10:11,123 For the first time' l thought my balls didn't have enough hair on them. 1114 01:10:11,290 --> 01:10:12,791 That's not what l meant. 1115 01:10:14,585 --> 01:10:16,629 I know what you meant. 1116 01:10:16,795 --> 01:10:18,464 How you feeIing about it? 1117 01:10:19,131 --> 01:10:21,050 I guess, um.. . 1118 01:10:22,551 --> 01:10:23,719 I feeI like. . . 1119 01:10:25,471 --> 01:10:26,472 Like we. .. 1120 01:10:28,098 --> 01:10:31,435 - Holy fuck. - The power's on. Did you do this? 1121 01:10:31,602 --> 01:10:33,604 ZACK: How did this happen? I burned the bills. 1122 01:10:33,771 --> 01:10:35,231 How couId we have done that? 1123 01:10:35,397 --> 01:10:36,982 - The water. - The water. 1124 01:10:37,775 --> 01:10:40,236 MlRl: Come on, come on' come on. 1125 01:10:40,402 --> 01:10:41,737 Yeah! 1126 01:10:41,904 --> 01:10:44,615 - We can shower in our home again. - We are liquid. 1127 01:10:44,782 --> 01:10:46,242 [KNOCKlNG ON DOOR] 1128 01:10:50,496 --> 01:10:51,497 Greetings. 1129 01:10:51,664 --> 01:10:55,000 Have you heard the good news about our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ? 1130 01:10:55,167 --> 01:10:56,835 Oh' my God, did you guys do this? 1131 01:10:57,002 --> 01:10:59,838 We got tired of you taking showers at our places aIl the time. 1132 01:11:00,005 --> 01:11:02,132 So we took up a collection amongst ourselves. 1133 01:11:02,299 --> 01:11:04,176 And chipped away at your mountain of debt. 1134 01:11:04,343 --> 01:11:06,470 You guys paid off our massive utilities biIls? 1135 01:11:06,637 --> 01:11:09,682 - How did you afferd that? - l stole my old lady's bingo winnings. 1136 01:11:09,848 --> 01:11:12,226 And Mistress Bubbles did a bachelor party tonight 1137 01:11:12,393 --> 01:11:15,646 at which yours truly was a guest star, thank you very much. 1138 01:11:15,813 --> 01:11:16,939 - Oh. - Whoa. 1139 01:11:17,106 --> 01:11:20,859 Don't get too excited. We didn't pay off your whole bill. Just a month of each. 1140 01:11:21,026 --> 01:11:22,945 They agreed to turn everything back on? 1141 01:11:23,112 --> 01:11:24,822 At 9 at night? How does that work? 1142 01:11:24,989 --> 01:11:27,741 Stacey knows somebody that works at Power and Light. 1143 01:11:27,908 --> 01:11:29,868 - You guys. . . - This is amazing. 1144 01:11:30,035 --> 01:11:31,537 You didn't have to do this. 1145 01:11:31,704 --> 01:11:33,539 You didn't have to put us in your movie. 1146 01:11:33,706 --> 01:11:35,582 - Or let us shoot it. - Or produce it. 1147 01:11:35,749 --> 01:11:38,377 - Or put us in your movie either. - We said that already. 1148 01:11:38,544 --> 01:11:40,713 Guys, honestly, I don't know what to say. 1149 01:11:40,879 --> 01:11:43,007 You can start by saying we can take tonight off 1150 01:11:43,173 --> 01:11:45,384 so we can have our wrap party right now. 1151 01:11:45,551 --> 01:11:48,721 Guys, we're not wrapped. We stiIl have four days of shooting left. 1152 01:11:48,887 --> 01:11:51,557 Excuse me. In my "producoriaI" capacity, 1153 01:11:51,724 --> 01:11:55,477 I'm shutting the movie down for a night so we can get a little silly. 1154 01:12:00,733 --> 01:12:02,901 [DMX'S "PARTY UP (UP lN HERE)" PLAYlNG OVER SPEAKERS] 1155 01:12:29,803 --> 01:12:31,805 [THE PlXlES' "HEY" PLAYlNG OVER SPEAKERS] 1156 01:12:33,807 --> 01:12:35,809 [COlN CLlNKlNG AND PEOPLE CHATTERlNG] 1157 01:12:38,312 --> 01:12:40,606 Go' go' go. 1158 01:12:40,773 --> 01:12:42,816 - Yes. - Yes. 1159 01:12:42,983 --> 01:12:44,193 [LAUGHlNG] 1160 01:12:44,360 --> 01:12:45,652 You aIl drink. 1161 01:12:45,819 --> 01:12:49,281 Was it just amazing with him, after all those years of not knowing? 1162 01:12:49,448 --> 01:12:52,659 It was, um, weird. 1163 01:12:53,577 --> 01:12:55,913 - But good. - My scene with Zack's tomorrow. 1164 01:12:56,080 --> 01:12:57,456 You don't say. 1165 01:12:57,623 --> 01:13:02,294 But l'm a little nervous. l was thinking about trying to get with him tonight. 1166 01:13:02,461 --> 01:13:05,005 - Really? - l mean, if you don't mind. 1167 01:13:05,172 --> 01:13:08,384 You are just friends and all' so l didn't think it would be a biggie. 1168 01:13:08,550 --> 01:13:10,803 - lt wouldn't be a biggie, would it? - No. 1169 01:13:11,762 --> 01:13:15,766 No, no. lt's not a biggie. What? No. 1170 01:13:15,933 --> 01:13:17,476 Are you sure? 1171 01:13:17,643 --> 01:13:20,312 Yeah. Stacey' I'm not married to the guy, so. .. 1172 01:13:20,479 --> 01:13:25,484 I don't know. You guys just looked kind of intimate Iast night. 1173 01:13:25,651 --> 01:13:28,153 - We did? - Yeah. 1174 01:13:32,449 --> 01:13:38,497 WelI' we're just better actors than I thought, l think, so you know what? 1175 01:13:38,664 --> 01:13:41,834 If you wanna get with him' you should just go ask him. 1176 01:13:42,000 --> 01:13:45,754 - He'd be reaIly excited to hear that. - Yeah? For real, you don't mind? 1177 01:13:45,921 --> 01:13:48,966 - Yeah. - Cool. 1178 01:13:53,220 --> 01:13:56,140 DEACON: All the quarters are on the ground. 1179 01:13:56,849 --> 01:13:59,643 ZACK: Hey, Stace. - Hey' Zack. 1180 01:14:00,352 --> 01:14:01,603 [WHlSPERlNG] 1181 01:14:04,940 --> 01:14:07,609 DEACON: Come on, are you guys playing or what? 1182 01:14:17,536 --> 01:14:19,538 [lNAUDlBLE DlALOGUE] 1183 01:15:48,460 --> 01:15:50,963 WelI' l'm bummed, but l totally get it. 1184 01:15:51,129 --> 01:15:54,341 It's no problem to work with Lester again. He has a nice cock. 1185 01:15:54,508 --> 01:15:56,176 WelI' you're a trouper, Stace. 1186 01:15:56,343 --> 01:15:59,638 Oh' but if l start making weird faces or anything during the scene' 1187 01:15:59,805 --> 01:16:02,391 it's just because I've been constipated alI day. 1188 01:16:02,558 --> 01:16:05,519 Oh' shit' uh. We don't have to shoot the scene tonight. 1189 01:16:05,686 --> 01:16:08,272 No, l want to. AnaI's great for when you're constipated. 1190 01:16:08,438 --> 01:16:10,774 It totally loosens you up. 1191 01:16:11,483 --> 01:16:14,319 I use ex-lax' but good to know. 1192 01:16:14,486 --> 01:16:17,990 Okay, l never thought I would have that conversation. 1193 01:16:18,156 --> 01:16:20,450 So are we starting with Lester and Stacey tonight? 1194 01:16:20,617 --> 01:16:22,494 We were supposed to start with Lester and Miri. 1195 01:16:22,661 --> 01:16:25,497 I know. She-- We're not gonna do that. I don't think Miri's gonna. . . 1196 01:16:25,664 --> 01:16:27,332 [KNOCKlNG ON DOOR] 1197 01:16:33,422 --> 01:16:35,007 . . .do that. 1198 01:16:37,801 --> 01:16:41,513 Hey. So where are we shooting this? Over here? 1199 01:16:42,264 --> 01:16:45,142 - What are you doing here? - Me and Lester. 1200 01:16:46,518 --> 01:16:48,645 Our scene's tonight, right? 1201 01:16:50,689 --> 01:16:53,233 Can l taIk to you for a minute in the back? 1202 01:16:53,734 --> 01:16:56,862 - Sure. - Thanks. 1203 01:16:58,572 --> 01:17:00,282 What do you want me to shoot here? 1204 01:17:00,449 --> 01:17:03,869 Start with the close-ups of Lester and Stacey. Give me a second, man. 1205 01:17:04,578 --> 01:17:05,662 What an artist. 1206 01:17:06,371 --> 01:17:10,167 Okay, uh. Did l do something wrong to you? 1207 01:17:10,334 --> 01:17:11,376 No. 1208 01:17:12,044 --> 01:17:13,170 Then why are you here? 1209 01:17:13,337 --> 01:17:16,548 I'm here for the same reason you're here. To make the movie. 1210 01:17:17,215 --> 01:17:20,719 Okay, just, like' for your own personal information, 1211 01:17:21,595 --> 01:17:23,472 you're acting really weird right now. 1212 01:17:23,639 --> 01:17:26,224 I'm acting weird? I think you're acting weird right now. 1213 01:17:26,391 --> 01:17:28,602 Oh' l'm acting-- How exactly am l acting weird? 1214 01:17:28,769 --> 01:17:31,438 You've been trying to keep me from fucking anybody but you 1215 01:17:31,605 --> 01:17:33,565 since we started this thing. 1216 01:17:34,232 --> 01:17:37,194 Maybe l was thinking about your feelings. 1217 01:17:37,361 --> 01:17:40,238 Were you thinking of my feelings when you were banging Stacey? 1218 01:17:40,405 --> 01:17:42,741 Because that'd be really sad for Stacey. 1219 01:17:42,908 --> 01:17:45,744 She told me that you told her that that was okay. 1220 01:17:45,911 --> 01:17:51,041 I told her that it was okay to ask you. 1221 01:17:52,876 --> 01:17:57,214 Holy shit. l get it. l fucking get it. 1222 01:17:57,381 --> 01:18:00,425 It was a test. That whole thing was a fucking test, is that it? 1223 01:18:01,343 --> 01:18:03,428 If it was, how do you think you did? 1224 01:18:04,262 --> 01:18:05,472 We had a discussion, Miri. 1225 01:18:05,639 --> 01:18:11,895 We had-- ActuaIly, we had many discussions about how it was just sex 1226 01:18:12,062 --> 01:18:14,940 - and how we wouldn't let it get weird. - l'm not acting weird. 1227 01:18:15,107 --> 01:18:18,902 You're acting like a jealous girlfriend is what the fuck you're acting like. 1228 01:18:19,069 --> 01:18:20,946 - l am not your girlfriend. - l know that. 1229 01:18:21,113 --> 01:18:24,866 You're not my boyfriend, so why are we having this conversation right now? 1230 01:18:25,033 --> 01:18:29,121 Because you're about to fuck Lester to spite me, it seems like. 1231 01:18:29,287 --> 01:18:31,665 Did you fuck Stacey to spite me? No. 1232 01:18:31,832 --> 01:18:34,042 You fucked her like you fucked every other bitch 1233 01:18:34,209 --> 01:18:36,294 and never gave a shit how l feIt about it. 1234 01:18:36,795 --> 01:18:39,089 - Well' that was before. - Before what? 1235 01:18:39,256 --> 01:18:43,593 Look, don't fucking pretend that the other night, you and me, right there, 1236 01:18:43,760 --> 01:18:46,888 that that didn't mean anything to you, that you didn't feel it too. 1237 01:18:47,055 --> 01:18:51,476 Oh. You're not getting all gooey on me here, are you, Zack? 1238 01:18:51,810 --> 01:18:53,228 You know what? 1239 01:18:53,395 --> 01:18:56,356 If you were any other bitch I didn't give a rat's ass about, 1240 01:18:56,523 --> 01:18:58,650 I would tell you to go fuck yourself right now 1241 01:18:58,817 --> 01:19:02,279 because l fucking hate this game-pIaying shit. 1242 01:19:02,446 --> 01:19:04,448 But you, you mean more to me than that' 1243 01:19:04,614 --> 01:19:06,992 so l'm just gonna lay this out on front street. 1244 01:19:07,159 --> 01:19:10,328 I know you felt something big, something real the other night 1245 01:19:10,495 --> 01:19:13,206 when we were together because l felt it too. 1246 01:19:13,373 --> 01:19:18,086 We tried to fuck and instead, we wound up making love. 1247 01:19:18,253 --> 01:19:21,840 So if this is what you need to hear in order to keep you from fucking Lester, 1248 01:19:22,007 --> 01:19:27,429 if this is what you need, then fine. Here it is, l'm gonna say it. 1249 01:19:28,180 --> 01:19:29,931 I love you, Miri. 1250 01:19:34,186 --> 01:19:35,645 Happy? 1251 01:19:36,480 --> 01:19:37,731 Oh' Jesus. 1252 01:19:37,898 --> 01:19:40,859 You better get ahold of yourself, Zack, because we just fucked. 1253 01:19:42,569 --> 01:19:44,279 Okay. 1254 01:19:50,869 --> 01:19:53,205 What if l didn't fuck Stacey? 1255 01:19:54,164 --> 01:19:55,791 But you did. 1256 01:19:55,957 --> 01:19:59,836 You know what? I don't fucking give a shit. 1257 01:20:00,712 --> 01:20:02,380 [WHlSPERS] Wait-- 1258 01:20:07,052 --> 01:20:10,847 All right, don't forget l'm down here. Watch that pullout, huh? 1259 01:20:11,014 --> 01:20:12,766 STACEY: Yeah. 1260 01:20:12,933 --> 01:20:16,728 Mmm. This is some damn good coffee. 1261 01:20:16,895 --> 01:20:19,231 - Where you going? - Getting the fuck out of here. 1262 01:20:19,397 --> 01:20:21,024 We gotta finish this movie. 1263 01:20:21,191 --> 01:20:22,526 [GASPS] 1264 01:20:26,988 --> 01:20:28,323 Yo! 1265 01:20:29,407 --> 01:20:31,409 [COUGHlNG AND GROANlNG] 1266 01:20:31,993 --> 01:20:33,912 You believe this shit? 1267 01:20:34,079 --> 01:20:35,455 Do you believe this shit? 1268 01:20:35,622 --> 01:20:37,332 What the fuck just happened in there? 1269 01:20:37,499 --> 01:20:39,501 I'll tell you what just happened in there. 1270 01:20:39,668 --> 01:20:42,337 That chick frosted me like l was a fucking cake. 1271 01:21:00,438 --> 01:21:02,190 Zack. 1272 01:21:19,082 --> 01:21:21,459 TEEN 1 : Okay, seriously' get a picture of me right now. 1273 01:21:22,002 --> 01:21:24,129 I'm hunting humans. 1274 01:21:24,296 --> 01:21:27,299 - Dude' check it out. Ooh. - Oh, shit. 1275 01:21:27,465 --> 01:21:29,759 SeriousIy, let's shoot the shit out of this bitch. 1276 01:21:29,926 --> 01:21:32,637 - Where you aiming at? - Cock shots? 1277 01:21:32,804 --> 01:21:34,139 Cock shots. 1278 01:21:34,973 --> 01:21:36,308 [BUZZER RlNGS] 1279 01:21:46,484 --> 01:21:47,819 [BUZZER RlNGS] 1280 01:21:48,278 --> 01:21:50,614 We shot you in the balls, cunt nugget. 1281 01:21:51,114 --> 01:21:54,618 WelI' it's my job to get shot in the balls, so-- Oh, they're gone. 1282 01:21:54,784 --> 01:21:55,827 MAN: Excuse me. 1283 01:21:55,994 --> 01:21:58,246 Didn't you used to work at the Bean-N-Gone in Monroeville? 1284 01:21:59,581 --> 01:22:03,793 I sure as shit hope this pays better, I tell you. 1285 01:22:05,128 --> 01:22:07,130 [CHATTERlNG] 1286 01:22:07,505 --> 01:22:10,008 So why don't they just shoot you with a puck? 1287 01:22:10,175 --> 01:22:11,217 What do you mean? 1288 01:22:11,384 --> 01:22:15,138 I mean, what does paintbalI got to do with hockey? 1289 01:22:15,931 --> 01:22:17,599 Nothing, l guess. 1290 01:22:17,766 --> 01:22:20,393 - So ain't no prizes or--? - No, no. 1291 01:22:20,560 --> 01:22:22,520 So, what are they paying $5 for? 1292 01:22:22,687 --> 01:22:25,815 To shoot a Broad Street BuIly in the balls. 1293 01:22:27,359 --> 01:22:29,277 White people are fucked up. 1294 01:22:30,111 --> 01:22:31,446 Yup' they sure are. 1295 01:22:31,613 --> 01:22:34,532 It's a living. You've been getting the checks l've been sending? 1296 01:22:34,699 --> 01:22:36,868 Yes, thank you very much. I appreciate that. 1297 01:22:37,535 --> 01:22:41,623 Probably didn't save you from a brutaI tongue-lashing, though, huh? 1298 01:22:41,790 --> 01:22:45,210 You know, the wife never found out about the camera, 1299 01:22:45,377 --> 01:22:47,128 because l paid off the bills. 1300 01:22:47,295 --> 01:22:48,838 How did you manage that? 1301 01:22:49,339 --> 01:22:53,093 - Because now l'm Oprah rich. - No way. 1302 01:22:53,259 --> 01:22:56,388 - The post office fucking settled? - Hundred-sixty Iarge' son. 1303 01:22:56,554 --> 01:23:00,517 - Nice, man. Congratulations. - A beautiful day, thank you very much. 1304 01:23:00,684 --> 01:23:02,477 I thought you made that whole thing up. 1305 01:23:02,644 --> 01:23:03,895 No, no. lt was very real. 1306 01:23:04,062 --> 01:23:06,064 You can believe it. 1307 01:23:06,398 --> 01:23:08,733 Even though she's spending all of it. 1308 01:23:13,863 --> 01:23:16,992 WelI' since you ain't gonna ask me, I'll just go ahead and tell you. 1309 01:23:17,158 --> 01:23:20,870 - No, I have not seen Miri. - l wasn't gonna ask that. 1310 01:23:21,037 --> 01:23:24,082 Oh' l suppose you weren't gonna ask about your movie, neither? 1311 01:23:24,249 --> 01:23:27,585 Look, that's why l came down here. I need you to come take a look at it. 1312 01:23:27,752 --> 01:23:30,463 - l'm not interested. Sorry. - You'd better get interested 1313 01:23:30,630 --> 01:23:33,675 - because you still owe me money. - What's wrong with the movie? 1314 01:23:33,842 --> 01:23:36,720 The story doesn't make sense. 1315 01:23:36,886 --> 01:23:39,472 - The story? - The story doesn't make sense. 1316 01:23:39,639 --> 01:23:42,267 It's a fucking porno movie, man. What story? 1317 01:23:42,434 --> 01:23:45,603 It's a movie, dog, and a movie's gotta have an ending, 1318 01:23:45,770 --> 01:23:47,397 which we don't have at the moment. 1319 01:23:47,564 --> 01:23:50,442 Come shot, credits. There's your fucking ending. 1320 01:23:50,608 --> 01:23:52,318 Do me this favor, okay? 1321 01:23:52,485 --> 01:23:55,155 When you're done getting your nuts bIown off' 1322 01:23:55,321 --> 01:24:00,076 come back to humble MonroeviIle to my crib for a couple hours' 1323 01:24:00,243 --> 01:24:03,705 check out the flick, you tell me what's missing. 1324 01:24:04,664 --> 01:24:05,790 No. 1325 01:24:06,041 --> 01:24:09,461 I'll tell you what, you do that, you don't owe me shit no more. 1326 01:24:09,627 --> 01:24:11,796 - Really? - Really. 1327 01:24:11,963 --> 01:24:14,215 - ls your wife home? - Yes. 1328 01:24:15,300 --> 01:24:19,471 - Maybe l should leave the pads on. - You got some extra ones? 1329 01:24:31,983 --> 01:24:33,068 Hey, honey. 1330 01:24:33,234 --> 01:24:35,904 Where the fuck you been? And who in the fuck is this now? 1331 01:24:36,321 --> 01:24:37,989 Would you calm down, woman? Goddamn. 1332 01:24:38,156 --> 01:24:40,617 You aIready left one white boy down in my basement 1333 01:24:40,784 --> 01:24:43,661 while you off galIivanting and shit. What if this motherfucker 1334 01:24:43,828 --> 01:24:47,165 - was aIl grabby on me? - Ain't nobody wanna grab on you. 1335 01:24:47,332 --> 01:24:50,168 Oh' what in the fuck is that supposed to mean? 1336 01:24:50,335 --> 01:24:53,254 - Ain't nobody wanna grab on you. WlFE: White boys love me. 1337 01:24:53,588 --> 01:24:54,631 White boy. 1338 01:24:56,132 --> 01:24:58,176 - l said, white boy. - Yeah? 1339 01:24:58,343 --> 01:24:59,761 You'd fuck me, wouldn't you? 1340 01:25:00,428 --> 01:25:02,013 - Should l say yes? - Just say yes. 1341 01:25:02,180 --> 01:25:03,848 Yeah. 1342 01:25:07,018 --> 01:25:10,230 - Why don't you, uh, head downstairs? - Oh, okay. 1343 01:25:10,396 --> 01:25:11,898 It's just through this hallway. 1344 01:25:12,065 --> 01:25:14,109 - Nice to meet you. - You too. 1345 01:25:16,694 --> 01:25:18,196 What the fuck you Iooking at? 1346 01:25:18,363 --> 01:25:20,865 Why you gotta be yelling at me in front of my director? 1347 01:25:21,032 --> 01:25:22,367 - Oh, he's a director? - Yeah. 1348 01:25:22,534 --> 01:25:24,536 I didn't know that. Shit, he's a director. 1349 01:25:24,702 --> 01:25:28,623 WelI' why don't he direct my ass to a new husband? How about that shit? 1350 01:25:28,790 --> 01:25:31,209 - That's the bedroom. DELANEY: Keep talking, maybe he will. 1351 01:25:31,376 --> 01:25:33,419 Oh' don't nobody want them saggy-ass balls! 1352 01:25:33,586 --> 01:25:36,673 Saggy balls? Look at these sagging-ass titties you got around here. 1353 01:25:36,840 --> 01:25:39,467 - You could tie these together. - Motherfucker, we match. 1354 01:25:43,054 --> 01:25:44,514 Oh' shit. 1355 01:25:45,682 --> 01:25:47,684 Where's my paintball gun at? 1356 01:25:47,851 --> 01:25:50,562 Look at you, editor and DP . You got your shit covered, man. 1357 01:25:50,728 --> 01:25:54,816 Please, don't ever say "shit-covered" to me again. 1358 01:25:56,234 --> 01:26:00,029 Roll the film for the man, please, so we can see what he thinks. 1359 01:26:00,196 --> 01:26:03,366 Just jump through it. l ain't got all night. The bitch is on me. 1360 01:26:04,742 --> 01:26:07,537 "Nigga Rich Productions." CIassy. 1361 01:26:07,704 --> 01:26:10,165 - Yeah, DreamWorks was taken. - Was it? 1362 01:26:10,331 --> 01:26:13,001 Plus' it sounds like an underground gay fuck club. 1363 01:26:13,168 --> 01:26:14,878 "l met a guy at DreamWorks." Yeah. 1364 01:26:15,044 --> 01:26:19,424 All right, so we got Lester and Stacey fucking. 1365 01:26:19,591 --> 01:26:21,384 Then we got Barry and Bubbles fucking. 1366 01:26:22,760 --> 01:26:25,013 And then this boring bullshit. 1367 01:26:30,101 --> 01:26:33,479 Okay, just, uh, go to the next scene, would you? 1368 01:26:34,856 --> 01:26:35,899 Uh. . . 1369 01:26:36,065 --> 01:26:39,235 - What next scene? - The one with Miri and Lester? 1370 01:26:39,402 --> 01:26:41,321 We never shot it. 1371 01:26:41,946 --> 01:26:44,449 - Why not? - Because after you left that night, 1372 01:26:44,616 --> 01:26:47,535 Miri came out of the backroom and said she couldn't do it. 1373 01:26:47,702 --> 01:26:51,706 - We wrapped after that. - Wrapped? So. . . 1374 01:26:53,082 --> 01:26:56,127 - Wait, so Miri-- - Never fucked nobody. 1375 01:26:56,294 --> 01:26:57,378 Just you. 1376 01:26:58,963 --> 01:27:02,634 Now, l wonder why she did that. 1377 01:27:02,800 --> 01:27:05,094 - Hm. - Hm. 1378 01:27:06,304 --> 01:27:10,725 You see, there was a time when l was just a bitter old fuck making coffees, 1379 01:27:10,892 --> 01:27:12,852 and Stacey was just a lap dancer 1380 01:27:13,019 --> 01:27:15,021 and Barry and Bubbles didn't know each other 1381 01:27:15,188 --> 01:27:18,483 and this fooI here, hell, I don't even know what he was. 1382 01:27:18,650 --> 01:27:21,736 - A white supremacist. - Man' fuck you. 1383 01:27:21,903 --> 01:27:23,738 Then two peopIe come along 1384 01:27:23,905 --> 01:27:27,116 and showed us something we didn't know existed. 1385 01:27:27,283 --> 01:27:32,288 A world of possibilities where plain old people just like us 1386 01:27:32,455 --> 01:27:34,707 could do something speciaI. 1387 01:27:34,874 --> 01:27:38,628 Even if it's something as simpIe as filming people fucking. 1388 01:27:49,472 --> 01:27:52,767 Sometimes we just need someone 1389 01:27:52,934 --> 01:27:56,938 to show us something we can't see for ourselves 1390 01:27:59,565 --> 01:28:01,985 and then we're changed forever. 1391 01:28:13,204 --> 01:28:16,457 So as you can see' our movie ain't got no ending. 1392 01:28:18,042 --> 01:28:20,086 Every movie needs an ending' don't it? 1393 01:28:24,799 --> 01:28:25,842 Peace. 1394 01:28:28,344 --> 01:28:32,098 Delaney, you're a slick cupid motherfucker. 1395 01:28:32,557 --> 01:28:34,434 Ain't love grand? 1396 01:28:34,600 --> 01:28:37,645 WlFE: Why the fuck is this white boy running through my goddamn house? 1397 01:28:37,812 --> 01:28:38,855 [DOOR SLAMS] 1398 01:28:39,022 --> 01:28:40,732 Sometimes. 1399 01:28:53,703 --> 01:28:55,330 Miri. 1400 01:28:56,039 --> 01:28:58,458 - Miri. MlRl: Zack? 1401 01:28:59,625 --> 01:29:01,085 ZACK: Miri. l'm sorry. MlRl: Get out. 1402 01:29:01,252 --> 01:29:02,754 - Close the door. - lt was closed. 1403 01:29:02,920 --> 01:29:06,132 - lt was closed over-- - Just close the fucking door' Zack. 1404 01:29:06,299 --> 01:29:10,970 I never slept with Stacey that night, okay? l swear to God. 1405 01:29:11,137 --> 01:29:13,264 When we got into my room, you know what we did? 1406 01:29:13,431 --> 01:29:18,019 We talked about you, and us and how things were different 1407 01:29:18,186 --> 01:29:21,189 and how l was too much of a fucking pussy 1408 01:29:21,356 --> 01:29:23,941 to just tell you how l felt about you. 1409 01:29:24,650 --> 01:29:29,030 And l know-- l know that that's only because of all the stupid shit we said 1410 01:29:29,197 --> 01:29:34,494 about how we wouldn't let sex change us, but it did. lt changed me. 1411 01:29:35,286 --> 01:29:37,747 That has to be love, right? 1412 01:29:38,039 --> 01:29:40,333 It has to be love 1413 01:29:40,833 --> 01:29:44,962 and just so you know, l can't go back to being just friends anymore, 1414 01:29:46,297 --> 01:29:48,132 - because l just can't. - Good. 1415 01:29:48,299 --> 01:29:50,259 And l think-- 1416 01:29:51,594 --> 01:29:53,221 I think that you feel the same way. 1417 01:29:54,055 --> 01:29:58,976 Because that night after I left, you didn't fuck Lester. 1418 01:30:02,480 --> 01:30:04,315 What's up, Zack? 1419 01:30:14,700 --> 01:30:15,743 You know what? 1420 01:30:15,910 --> 01:30:18,621 I don't care that you're fucking Lester, okay? How's that? 1421 01:30:18,788 --> 01:30:21,499 - Oh, shit. - l don't wanna be with anyone but you. 1422 01:30:21,666 --> 01:30:26,462 So l will wait forever for you, okay? I will wait the rest of my life 1423 01:30:26,629 --> 01:30:29,924 because l love you, and l have for as long as l can remember. 1424 01:30:30,550 --> 01:30:33,803 And l would rather die than be without you, Miriam Linky. 1425 01:30:33,970 --> 01:30:35,596 Miri's last name is Linky? 1426 01:30:36,431 --> 01:30:39,016 You're gonna fuck a guy who doesn't know your last name? 1427 01:30:39,183 --> 01:30:42,019 Or that you beat up Carl Roth in the sixth grade? l know that. 1428 01:30:42,186 --> 01:30:45,106 Or what your senior prom dress would've looked like had we gone 1429 01:30:45,273 --> 01:30:48,192 but we decided not to, and we got drunk alone instead. 1430 01:30:48,359 --> 01:30:50,361 Or that you washed your hair in the toilet. 1431 01:30:50,528 --> 01:30:51,696 We're not fucking' Zack. 1432 01:30:51,863 --> 01:30:53,781 Or that you're not fucking Zack-- What? 1433 01:30:53,948 --> 01:30:56,033 I asked her to fuck me. She wouldn't do it. 1434 01:30:56,200 --> 01:30:59,203 I even tried to talk her into giving me the fucking Dutch rudder. 1435 01:30:59,370 --> 01:31:01,080 Shot me down on that too. 1436 01:31:02,206 --> 01:31:05,209 - And a Dutch rudder is? - Don't know what a Dutch rudder--? 1437 01:31:05,376 --> 01:31:06,878 All right, you grab your dick, 1438 01:31:07,044 --> 01:31:09,088 then you have someone else work your arm. 1439 01:31:09,255 --> 01:31:10,548 Here, let me show you. 1440 01:31:10,715 --> 01:31:13,885 All right, grab my arm. l'm grabbing my dick, you're grabbing my arm. 1441 01:31:14,051 --> 01:31:17,221 Now work it. Work my arm. See that shit? Work it up and down. 1442 01:31:17,388 --> 01:31:19,432 It's like someone else is jerking you off. 1443 01:31:19,599 --> 01:31:20,641 Okay. 1444 01:31:20,808 --> 01:31:22,435 There's the double Dutch rudder, 1445 01:31:22,602 --> 01:31:24,896 which' l grab my dick, you grab your dick, 1446 01:31:25,062 --> 01:31:27,648 you work my arm, l work your arm' same time. 1447 01:31:27,815 --> 01:31:30,193 It's like jerking off together but not gay. 1448 01:31:30,359 --> 01:31:32,862 We're not touching dicks, each other's dicks anyway. 1449 01:31:33,029 --> 01:31:35,948 I'm touching my own dick. You're working it, and l'm loving it. 1450 01:31:36,115 --> 01:31:39,035 It feels good, sir. Try me, come on. 1451 01:31:39,202 --> 01:31:41,787 Sorry to change the subject on you, Lester, 1452 01:31:41,954 --> 01:31:47,627 but if you're not fucking Miri, why is your dick out right now? 1453 01:31:47,793 --> 01:31:50,838 Because l live here now, and l like to be naked. 1454 01:31:51,422 --> 01:31:52,924 - What? - When you moved out, 1455 01:31:53,090 --> 01:31:56,511 she couldn't afford to pay her rent by herseIf, so l moved in to help. 1456 01:31:56,886 --> 01:31:58,763 But you just came out of her room. 1457 01:31:58,930 --> 01:32:01,098 That's my room now. She moved in your old room. 1458 01:32:01,265 --> 01:32:03,935 Wait, wait, wait. She changed rooms? 1459 01:32:04,101 --> 01:32:07,772 Yeah, she said she did it because she missed the smell of you or some shit. 1460 01:32:07,939 --> 01:32:08,940 [SNlFFS] 1461 01:32:10,107 --> 01:32:11,859 I don't smell anything. 1462 01:32:12,026 --> 01:32:14,946 But you know what? That probably means she loves you. 1463 01:32:16,781 --> 01:32:19,825 - Night, Zack. - Night. 1464 01:32:24,121 --> 01:32:25,248 Do you? 1465 01:32:28,167 --> 01:32:29,377 Then why are you crying? 1466 01:32:30,211 --> 01:32:32,672 Because l missed you so much. 1467 01:32:33,464 --> 01:32:35,132 ZACK: Me too. 1468 01:32:36,384 --> 01:32:38,427 I love you. 1469 01:32:42,515 --> 01:32:44,308 - l Iove you, l love you. ZACK: l love you. 1470 01:32:44,475 --> 01:32:45,977 I don't mean to alarm you 1471 01:32:46,143 --> 01:32:48,646 but I think l just jerked off Lester a little bit. 1472 01:32:49,730 --> 01:32:52,066 - The Dutch rudder? - Yeah, it's ingenious, right? 1473 01:32:52,233 --> 01:32:55,611 If you ask me nicely, I will Dutch-rudder you the rest of our lives. 1474 01:32:55,778 --> 01:32:59,156 Good. l'm getting tired of fucking the Fleshlight. 1475 01:32:59,323 --> 01:33:00,700 - You fucked it? - Yeah. 1476 01:33:00,866 --> 01:33:03,411 - What'd it feel like? - Like fucking a flashlight. 1477 01:33:03,995 --> 01:33:07,957 LESTER: Wrong room. - Oh, God. That's gross. 1478 01:33:09,166 --> 01:33:11,836 Let us fuck. 1479 01:36:11,515 --> 01:36:14,018 Hello. Welcome to Nigga Rich Productions' 1480 01:36:14,185 --> 01:36:17,062 home of Zack and Miri Make Your Porno, 1481 01:36:17,229 --> 01:36:18,981 the production house for the couple 1482 01:36:19,148 --> 01:36:21,776 looking to put a little spice in their sex life. 1483 01:36:21,942 --> 01:36:25,404 - Shall we take a look around? - Fuck me so hard. Oh, God. 1484 01:36:25,571 --> 01:36:29,533 First, you'll meet for a consultation with one of our romance-ologists, 1485 01:36:29,700 --> 01:36:32,203 who'lI coach you through that initial awkward stage 1486 01:36:32,369 --> 01:36:33,913 before you're camera-ready. 1487 01:36:34,079 --> 01:36:38,626 So we will start off with some erotic massage and some-- 1488 01:36:38,793 --> 01:36:41,754 Dude. Some light petting. 1489 01:36:41,921 --> 01:36:43,464 That sounds good. 1490 01:36:43,631 --> 01:36:47,551 Are you guys sure you don't wanna do some, uh, butt-sack work too? 1491 01:36:47,718 --> 01:36:49,762 - Uh, let's move on' shall we? - Why? 1492 01:36:49,929 --> 01:36:52,223 ANNOUNCER: From their break-out hit, Swallow My Cockuccino, 1493 01:36:52,389 --> 01:36:54,850 to the multi-million selling Swallow My Cockuccino ll 1494 01:36:55,017 --> 01:36:57,102 and the award-winning Star Whores saga, 1495 01:36:57,269 --> 01:37:00,231 including Revenge of the Shit: The All-Anal Final Chapter, 1496 01:37:00,397 --> 01:37:02,233 Zack and Miri have proven time and again 1497 01:37:02,399 --> 01:37:05,152 that they know how to shoot hot sex. 1498 01:37:06,111 --> 01:37:12,827 As an actor, l've sometimes brought my work home with me inappropriately. 1499 01:37:12,993 --> 01:37:17,414 When you're telling your real-life lover in the bedroom' 1500 01:37:17,581 --> 01:37:20,167 to' you know' bend over while you cake your hand in K-Y, 1501 01:37:20,334 --> 01:37:22,837 it is a sign that the romance is dead, I think. 1502 01:37:23,003 --> 01:37:26,507 Then we turned to the professionals at Zack and Miri Make Your Porno. 1503 01:37:26,674 --> 01:37:29,802 Oh' my God, they totally saved our civil union. 1504 01:37:29,969 --> 01:37:32,429 They filmed what was inside of us 1505 01:37:32,596 --> 01:37:35,182 and not what was coming out of us necessarily. 1506 01:37:35,349 --> 01:37:37,768 It heIped me see his asshole 1507 01:37:37,935 --> 01:37:42,648 as not just a come dumpster, 1508 01:37:42,815 --> 01:37:46,277 but a sign of his beauty' his flower. 1509 01:37:46,443 --> 01:37:50,114 It became a, uh, gorgeous orchid. 1510 01:37:50,281 --> 01:37:54,451 Orchids grow in sort of the filthiest conditions. 1511 01:37:54,618 --> 01:38:01,250 That's what his asshole became to me. This beautiful flower amidst shit. 1512 01:38:01,417 --> 01:38:03,961 - Honey, they get the metaphor. - l don't think they do. 1513 01:38:04,128 --> 01:38:06,922 Let's just say, thank you to Zack and Miri. 1514 01:38:07,089 --> 01:38:09,675 It's helped us out, it's helped our friends. 1515 01:38:09,842 --> 01:38:12,011 Enrique? Park? 1516 01:38:12,177 --> 01:38:15,264 Park? Enrique? 1517 01:38:15,472 --> 01:38:18,809 Can we get a littIe Iove for Zack and Miri? 1518 01:38:19,977 --> 01:38:23,564 They don't even know what's going on, they're so pilled up. 1519 01:38:24,189 --> 01:38:28,152 But don't take his word for it. Just ask our co-founders. 1520 01:38:28,861 --> 01:38:32,031 - Hi. l'm Miri Linky Brown. - l'm Zack Linky Brown. 1521 01:38:32,197 --> 01:38:35,075 Here at Zack and Miri Make Your Porno, we're dedicated 1522 01:38:35,242 --> 01:38:37,244 - to committing your love-- - Or lust. 1523 01:38:37,411 --> 01:38:40,497 --to high-end, quality production digital video. 1524 01:38:40,664 --> 01:38:42,750 A forever keepsake of your passion. 1525 01:38:42,917 --> 01:38:45,878 That's right, Miri. Why set up a camera at the end of your bed 1526 01:38:46,045 --> 01:38:48,714 and settle for one unflattering angle, 1527 01:38:48,881 --> 01:38:52,092 when you couId Iet the professionals dazzle and delight your senses 1528 01:38:52,259 --> 01:38:55,012 with an array of shots so masterfuIly rendered 1529 01:38:55,179 --> 01:38:57,598 you'll swear Martin Scorsese snuck into your room 1530 01:38:57,765 --> 01:38:59,475 and caught you fucking? 1531 01:38:59,642 --> 01:39:01,852 And remember' we're not just the presidents 1532 01:39:02,019 --> 01:39:04,188 of Zack and Miri Make Your Porno. 1533 01:39:04,355 --> 01:39:06,774 We're also clients. 1534 01:39:08,192 --> 01:39:10,027 ANNOUNCER: Call now to set up your appointment 1535 01:39:10,194 --> 01:39:15,324 or find us on the web at www.ZackandMiri.com. 1536 01:41:26,330 --> 01:41:28,624 LESTER: Way to fuck, Zack.