1
00:00:06,000 --> 00:00:12,074
Advertise your product or brand here
contact www.OpenSubtitles.org today

2
00:00:35,800 --> 00:00:38,804
<i>Whose fucking phone is on?</i>

3
00:00:39,960 --> 00:00:41,166
Uh, we're going
to just touch you up.

4
00:00:41,240 --> 00:00:42,969
- Okay, Mr. Dorchen?
- Hey.

5
00:00:43,640 --> 00:00:45,210
Do I need nipple rouge?

6
00:00:45,280 --> 00:00:46,691
Uh, can we get... I don't, uh...

7
00:00:46,760 --> 00:00:48,524
Do I need any nipple rouge?

8
00:00:48,800 --> 00:00:51,007
Yeah.
Touch up his nipples, please.

9
00:00:52,160 --> 00:00:54,242
What kind of brush is that?
Is that rabbit fur?

10
00:00:54,720 --> 00:00:57,326
<i>Lou Dorchen,
the legendary lead singer</i>

11
00:00:57,400 --> 00:00:59,323
<i>of metal supergroup Motley Lue,</i>

12
00:00:59,480 --> 00:01:01,960
<i>who burst onto the world stage
out of nowhere</i>

13
00:01:02,120 --> 00:01:04,566
<i>to become the very definition
of a rock god.</i>

14
00:01:04,640 --> 00:01:07,803
<i>Livin' the dream with
high school sweetheart Kelly Dorchen.</i>

15
00:01:08,000 --> 00:01:10,890
<i>So how did the ultimate party
animal get the inspiration</i>

16
00:01:10,960 --> 00:01:13,201
<i>to build the most innovative,
forward-thinking</i>

17
00:01:13,280 --> 00:01:15,044
<i>tech company in the world?</i>

18
00:01:15,120 --> 00:01:18,249
I don't have to tell you where I got
my inspiration from, first of all.

19
00:01:18,320 --> 00:01:20,926
Because that's called
"intellectual property"

20
00:01:21,000 --> 00:01:22,570
and I can copyright that shit.

21
00:01:22,640 --> 00:01:24,404
Just like I copyrighted the word "well,"

22
00:01:24,520 --> 00:01:26,761
so you can't even say "well"
without paying me money.

23
00:01:27,680 --> 00:01:29,569
- Uh, well, um...
- You owe me money.

24
00:01:29,640 --> 00:01:31,722
<i>Lou Dorchen's
best friend is yet another</i>

25
00:01:31,800 --> 00:01:34,451
<i>American success story,
music mogul Nick Webber.</i>

26
00:01:34,520 --> 00:01:37,205
Ever since I wrote <i>Let's Get It Started</i>
back in '86,

27
00:01:37,280 --> 00:01:38,327
I've been on a roll.

28
00:01:38,520 --> 00:01:41,763
<i>Uh,</i> MMMBop<i>, triple platinum.</i>

29
00:01:41,840 --> 00:01:44,605
<i>A lot of stations still playin'</i>
Gin and Juicey Juice.

30
00:01:44,680 --> 00:01:47,684
You Oughta Know.
Feelin' Like Teen Spirit.

31
00:01:47,840 --> 00:01:49,649
<i>I guess you could say
I take from a lot of artists.</i>

32
00:01:50,160 --> 00:01:52,686
Take my inspiration from a lot of artists.

33
00:01:52,880 --> 00:01:53,881
I don't...

34
00:01:54,120 --> 00:01:56,964
I don't take their stuff.

35
00:01:57,120 --> 00:01:59,248
That's... Who would do that?

36
00:01:59,480 --> 00:02:01,960
- Yeah. Ask me anything.
- Okay.

37
00:02:02,040 --> 00:02:04,247
How's your relationship with your father?

38
00:02:04,320 --> 00:02:05,651
I don't want to talk about that.

39
00:02:05,720 --> 00:02:08,121
<i>Still struggling to find
his own place in the world,</i>

40
00:02:08,200 --> 00:02:11,647
<i>Jacob Dorchen comments on his
father's game-changing innovation.</i>

41
00:02:12,000 --> 00:02:15,083
He didn't invent Goo... Lougle.

42
00:02:15,400 --> 00:02:17,971
He couldn't invent his way
out of a fucking paper bag.

43
00:02:18,040 --> 00:02:20,566
And that's... That's not a turn of phrase,

44
00:02:20,640 --> 00:02:22,324
that's anecdotal evidence.

45
00:02:22,400 --> 00:02:25,085
He got caught in a giant paper
bag a couple weeks ago.

46
00:02:25,240 --> 00:02:27,402
Adam... Adam Yates.
Yes, he rounds out

47
00:02:27,960 --> 00:02:29,530
<i>our Three Musketeer posse.</i>

48
00:02:29,600 --> 00:02:31,523
<i>He made it real big
with his bestselling novel,</i>

49
00:02:31,600 --> 00:02:33,250
Jacuzzi Timelord.

50
00:02:33,560 --> 00:02:37,565
But Adam, he's, uh...
He's off on an experiential journey.

51
00:02:38,080 --> 00:02:39,923
I got a feeling we'll see him again.

52
00:02:42,200 --> 00:02:43,326
I got a feeling.

53
00:02:48,600 --> 00:02:49,761
Just came to me.

54
00:02:49,920 --> 00:02:51,809
<i>One fateful ski trip in 1986</i>

55
00:02:51,880 --> 00:02:54,247
<i>seemed to kick-start
their lives into high gear.</i>

56
00:02:54,360 --> 00:02:55,600
<i>But what was it like to grow up</i>

57
00:02:55,680 --> 00:02:57,444
<i>alongside these future stars?</i>

58
00:02:57,520 --> 00:02:59,727
<i>We turned to high school pal,
Gary Winkle.</i>

59
00:02:59,840 --> 00:03:00,887
I bet you guys didn't know

60
00:03:00,960 --> 00:03:02,200
that I was supposed
to go on that trip, huh?

61
00:03:02,960 --> 00:03:04,644
I stood outside all day...

62
00:03:04,720 --> 00:03:07,724
...but they never showed.
Left me hanging.

63
00:03:08,120 --> 00:03:09,565
You know what I got that weekend?

64
00:03:09,640 --> 00:03:11,642
Chlamydia from the batting cages.

65
00:03:11,720 --> 00:03:14,200
<i>My best buddies go up
the mountain as regular Joes.</i>

66
00:03:14,280 --> 00:03:17,602
Come down fucking rich.
I mean, how did that happen?

67
00:03:18,000 --> 00:03:19,445
I mean, at the end of the day,

68
00:03:19,520 --> 00:03:21,363
I'm just a simple guy like you

69
00:03:21,440 --> 00:03:23,568
who had a couple of great ideas

70
00:03:23,680 --> 00:03:26,081
that happen to make him
a bunch of money. That's it.

71
00:03:26,160 --> 00:03:28,527
I mean, how was I supposed to know

72
00:03:28,680 --> 00:03:31,889
that it would change the fabric
of our existence? I couldn't.

73
00:03:31,960 --> 00:03:35,681
You know, I couldn't,
unless I had some sort of...

74
00:04:39,880 --> 00:04:42,611
Cut! Let's reset. Do it again.

75
00:04:43,120 --> 00:04:44,610
One word, Nick. Fucking amazing...

76
00:04:44,720 --> 00:04:46,722
Don't fuck with my groove, Terry.

77
00:04:52,200 --> 00:04:53,247
- Hey, Nick.
<i>- Youngblood.</i>

78
00:04:53,320 --> 00:04:55,607
Rip off any pop stars lately?

79
00:04:55,680 --> 00:04:58,411
<i>For your information,
today I recorded an original piece.</i>

80
00:04:58,480 --> 00:04:59,481
Really?

81
00:04:59,560 --> 00:05:01,050
Okay, it was that Lisa Loeb song.

82
00:05:01,160 --> 00:05:02,764
<i>Well, as much of it as I could remember.</i>

83
00:05:02,880 --> 00:05:04,405
The lyrics I made up were original.

84
00:05:04,720 --> 00:05:07,564
Listen, Nick, I get it.
You don't have any natural talent.

85
00:05:07,640 --> 00:05:09,483
All I know is that hot tub made me a king.

86
00:05:09,560 --> 00:05:11,324
It's my duty to live up to the throne.

87
00:05:11,400 --> 00:05:12,606
All right, I can't see you right now,

88
00:05:12,680 --> 00:05:15,365
but I'm gonna assume you're putting
"king" and "throne" in quotes.

89
00:05:17,280 --> 00:05:18,327
<i>What do you want?</i>

90
00:05:18,400 --> 00:05:21,051
Hey, Nick, I'm sorry.
I'm not trying to be a dick.

91
00:05:21,120 --> 00:05:22,167
Are you coming to Lou's party?

92
00:05:22,440 --> 00:05:25,649
I gotta talk to Courtney.
I'm... I don't know.

93
00:05:25,760 --> 00:05:27,364
- How is Courtney?
- You know.

94
00:05:27,480 --> 00:05:29,244
Oh, really? Still fighting, huh?

95
00:05:29,320 --> 00:05:31,084
Why don't you just write her
a Josh Groban song?

96
00:05:33,400 --> 00:05:34,447
Hello?

97
00:05:34,680 --> 00:05:37,763
Oh, shit!

98
00:05:38,040 --> 00:05:39,849
Cocaine!

99
00:05:40,040 --> 00:05:41,485
Fuck me!

100
00:05:42,600 --> 00:05:44,443
Oh, God! Oh, my God!

101
00:05:44,720 --> 00:05:47,007
Don't fucking sneak up
on me like that, huh?

102
00:05:47,080 --> 00:05:48,366
Knock on something.

103
00:05:48,440 --> 00:05:50,761
You took most of the doors out
and put beads up, Lou.

104
00:05:50,840 --> 00:05:52,330
What am I supposed to
fucking knock on?

105
00:05:52,400 --> 00:05:53,765
What do you want?

106
00:05:53,840 --> 00:05:56,241
Put it down!
What do you want, a round of applause?

107
00:05:59,240 --> 00:06:01,891
"Thank you, Jacob, for making sure
we don't starve to death.

108
00:06:01,960 --> 00:06:03,405
"Even though this is
completely ridiculous

109
00:06:03,480 --> 00:06:05,801
"and inappropriate, what we're doing."
You're welcome, Mom and Dad.

110
00:06:05,880 --> 00:06:07,723
I'm just happy that you guys are happy.

111
00:06:08,240 --> 00:06:09,844
The fuck are you still doing here?

112
00:06:10,160 --> 00:06:11,810
Today's my birthday, by the way.

113
00:06:12,360 --> 00:06:13,566
Happy Birthday!

114
00:06:14,040 --> 00:06:16,407
- Oh, thanks, Mom.
- Yeah, yeah, yeah!

115
00:06:16,960 --> 00:06:21,249
I got you... I got you something.
It'll be here tomorrow via FedEx.

116
00:06:21,600 --> 00:06:22,601
Right.

117
00:06:22,680 --> 00:06:25,001
Daddy's little buddy
is turning into Daddy's big buddy.

118
00:06:25,080 --> 00:06:27,287
I'm going to help you out.
It's not really my birthday.

119
00:06:27,360 --> 00:06:28,600
Do you know what day it is?

120
00:06:28,720 --> 00:06:32,122
Mmm...

121
00:06:34,120 --> 00:06:35,281
Okay.

122
00:06:35,360 --> 00:06:36,441
Enjoy your shit.

123
00:06:36,520 --> 00:06:39,410
The sooner you choke to death on it,
the sooner I get all this.

124
00:06:39,480 --> 00:06:41,881
Any other questions,
or is this interview over?

125
00:06:44,720 --> 00:06:47,963
Don't let the lack of a door
hit you on the way out.

126
00:06:48,360 --> 00:06:50,328
He just gets me so mad.

127
00:06:50,400 --> 00:06:51,561
So, who is he?

128
00:06:51,680 --> 00:06:53,170
That's my butler.

129
00:06:53,240 --> 00:06:54,890
And our son, consequently.

130
00:06:55,840 --> 00:06:57,365
Oh, my God, right.

131
00:06:58,720 --> 00:07:00,051
Lisa Loeb?

132
00:07:00,320 --> 00:07:02,527
Oh, my God. I can't believe
Nick Webber knows

133
00:07:02,600 --> 00:07:03,886
the name of the cat wrangler.

134
00:07:04,280 --> 00:07:05,645
Yeah. Crazy, right?

135
00:07:05,920 --> 00:07:08,605
You know, I just have to tell you,
I really love this song so much.

136
00:07:08,720 --> 00:07:10,563
- It feels so personal.
- Mmm.

137
00:07:10,800 --> 00:07:12,928
It's almost... Violating.

138
00:07:15,640 --> 00:07:17,244
I'm so sorry.

139
00:07:27,520 --> 00:07:28,885
Yeah!

140
00:07:31,080 --> 00:07:32,411
Nailed it!

141
00:07:37,960 --> 00:07:39,405
All rise!

142
00:07:40,640 --> 00:07:42,961
Penis Court is now in session!

143
00:07:44,680 --> 00:07:47,524
The honorable
Judge Lou Dorchen presiding.

144
00:07:47,800 --> 00:07:49,643
Uh, Mr. Dorchen, could we get
this board meeting started?

145
00:07:50,000 --> 00:07:51,843
Yeah. Brad, do your thing.

146
00:07:52,120 --> 00:07:53,531
Ladies and gentlemen,

147
00:07:53,600 --> 00:07:55,728
- Lougle is at a crossroads.
- Whoo!

148
00:07:56,120 --> 00:07:59,488
We did it, guys!
We got to the crossroads!

149
00:07:59,800 --> 00:08:02,644
Our competitors,
Lycos and GeoCities, are crushing us.

150
00:08:02,840 --> 00:08:04,763
Those guys are fucking nerds, Brad.

151
00:08:04,880 --> 00:08:06,564
What about Yahoo, huh?
Where are they?

152
00:08:06,640 --> 00:08:07,971
Yahoo? What's Yahoo?

153
00:08:08,160 --> 00:08:09,321
Exactly.

154
00:08:09,400 --> 00:08:11,528
As your head of R&D, I have to tell you

155
00:08:11,600 --> 00:08:13,728
that Lougle cannot continue
down this path.

156
00:08:13,840 --> 00:08:16,002
Well, that's why I moved us
to New Orleans, Brad,

157
00:08:16,080 --> 00:08:18,367
the Silicon Valley of the South.

158
00:08:18,560 --> 00:08:19,561
Huh?

159
00:08:20,880 --> 00:08:22,723
Oh, shit! Shit! Susan, look, turn around.

160
00:08:22,840 --> 00:08:24,444
Turn around, right now!
Susan, quick, quick, quick!

161
00:08:24,520 --> 00:08:25,681
I'm not going to look, Lou.

162
00:08:25,960 --> 00:08:27,803
Susan, I promise it's not
a dick and balls this time.

163
00:08:27,880 --> 00:08:29,370
I swear to God. Look, look, look!

164
00:08:29,720 --> 00:08:33,042
Dick and balls!
You looked at a dick and balls!

165
00:08:33,160 --> 00:08:34,400
I burned you.

166
00:08:36,520 --> 00:08:39,285
I can't believe I let you talk me
into joining this sinking ship.

167
00:08:39,400 --> 00:08:41,926
I was one of <i>Engineering
Quarterly's</i> "30 Under 30."

168
00:08:42,120 --> 00:08:43,360
Really?

169
00:08:43,440 --> 00:08:45,124
I was on track to be "20 Under 40,"

170
00:08:45,200 --> 00:08:47,362
but now I'm "Zero Under Fuck Me"!

171
00:08:47,640 --> 00:08:48,926
You fucked me, Lou.

172
00:08:49,080 --> 00:08:50,650
You fucked my whole life.

173
00:08:50,720 --> 00:08:53,769
My brother works at the NSA
and I work for a madman.

174
00:08:53,880 --> 00:08:55,211
Mad Man is a great show.

175
00:08:55,320 --> 00:08:57,084
Sometimes I wish I could just...

176
00:08:59,680 --> 00:09:03,241
Okay, okay.
Looks like you're hungry for an idea.

177
00:09:03,600 --> 00:09:06,365
So why doesn't Uncle Lou give
you guys a little taste, huh?

178
00:09:08,160 --> 00:09:10,970
If you combine the right
amounts of nitrotrinadium

179
00:09:11,040 --> 00:09:15,090
with specifically heated water
in a specialized basin,

180
00:09:15,200 --> 00:09:18,682
you get the elements
necessary for time travel!

181
00:09:25,280 --> 00:09:27,203
I'm gonna be in the lab,
trying to save this company.

182
00:09:27,280 --> 00:09:28,611
Yeah!

183
00:09:43,280 --> 00:09:46,250
Why are all these people here?
Are we having another seance?

184
00:09:46,360 --> 00:09:47,725
Yeah.

185
00:09:47,800 --> 00:09:51,600
Every day's a seance, baby.
Every day's a seance.

186
00:09:51,960 --> 00:09:53,883
I fucking hate you so much, Lou.

187
00:09:53,960 --> 00:09:55,803
I fucking hate you, too, baby.

188
00:09:56,080 --> 00:09:57,923
Courtney, it's not a big deal.

189
00:09:58,000 --> 00:09:59,843
Well, maybe it's not a big deal to you,

190
00:09:59,920 --> 00:10:02,844
but she's my only sister,
and we never go visit her.

191
00:10:02,920 --> 00:10:05,730
- It's the Grammys.
- It's always the Grammys.

192
00:10:06,960 --> 00:10:10,965
It's not always the Grammys.
Sometimes it's the Grammys.

193
00:10:14,320 --> 00:10:17,642
Oh, wow. Look at you.

194
00:10:17,880 --> 00:10:19,211
Every fucking year, Lou?

195
00:10:19,280 --> 00:10:21,521
Hey, enough with this dad stuff.
Call me Lou.

196
00:10:21,640 --> 00:10:23,210
Why do I have to pretend
to be your butler?

197
00:10:23,440 --> 00:10:24,441
You are my butler.

198
00:10:24,560 --> 00:10:26,562
No, Lou, just 'cause
my room's near the bar

199
00:10:26,640 --> 00:10:28,051
and I'm good at receiving guests and...

200
00:10:28,120 --> 00:10:29,884
Holy fuck, I'm your butler.

201
00:10:30,000 --> 00:10:31,809
Wait... Hey, hey, Lou,
what do you think about,

202
00:10:31,880 --> 00:10:34,850
maybe this summer, you know,
I come work with you at Lougle?

203
00:10:35,040 --> 00:10:36,610
Listen, this is what I'll do for you, okay?

204
00:10:36,680 --> 00:10:38,648
If we ever come up with a division where

205
00:10:38,720 --> 00:10:41,690
you sit on the couch and masturbate
while playing video games,

206
00:10:41,760 --> 00:10:42,921
I'll get you an interview.

207
00:10:43,000 --> 00:10:45,162
You started
an interactive porno division.

208
00:10:45,240 --> 00:10:48,244
We have that.
Even that retarded Venn diagram

209
00:10:48,320 --> 00:10:50,163
you just mentioned, it exists.

210
00:10:50,720 --> 00:10:53,724
Listen, you are a key part
of this operation, Jacob.

211
00:10:53,880 --> 00:10:55,041
Really?

212
00:10:55,120 --> 00:10:56,849
You're my chief mixologist!

213
00:10:57,000 --> 00:10:58,161
Yay.

214
00:10:58,360 --> 00:10:59,407
Bloop.

215
00:10:59,520 --> 00:11:01,204
I love you, buddy.

216
00:11:01,880 --> 00:11:05,362
Hey, Courtney. Your tits look fantastic!

217
00:11:05,440 --> 00:11:06,965
Eat shit, Lou.

218
00:11:10,440 --> 00:11:13,410
She's one of the good ones, man.

219
00:11:13,480 --> 00:11:15,369
Come on. Let's get a drink.

220
00:11:28,720 --> 00:11:30,882
Jeez. The place
is like a deathtrap, huh?

221
00:11:31,080 --> 00:11:33,367
Just lousy with statues, and the...

222
00:11:34,520 --> 00:11:37,524
Not a lot of coats, right?
Not a lot of coats.

223
00:11:37,680 --> 00:11:39,364
Can I take your jacket?

224
00:11:39,560 --> 00:11:43,565
Oh, no, no, no. I'm actually
kind of "on the job" tonight.

225
00:11:43,680 --> 00:11:45,887
It's my dad's party, he runs Lougle.

226
00:11:46,280 --> 00:11:47,281
What do you do?

227
00:11:47,440 --> 00:11:49,920
You know, I'm just
kind of a Jack-of-all-trades.

228
00:11:50,040 --> 00:11:52,611
- So you're the butler.
- No!

229
00:11:53,600 --> 00:11:56,809
Come on. Do I look like a butler to you?

230
00:11:56,920 --> 00:11:59,287
You look exactly like a butler.

231
00:12:00,120 --> 00:12:01,770
Goddamn, it's good to see you, man.

232
00:12:01,840 --> 00:12:02,921
You, too, buddy.

233
00:12:03,080 --> 00:12:05,686
Man. That tub, huh?

234
00:12:06,520 --> 00:12:07,931
Really turned it all around.

235
00:12:08,000 --> 00:12:09,923
It's the best thing that
ever happened to me.

236
00:12:12,720 --> 00:12:15,644
You ever wish we could
go back for one more dip?

237
00:12:15,720 --> 00:12:17,722
You know, tweak some things?

238
00:12:17,880 --> 00:12:20,451
Use time travel
for more important reasons.

239
00:12:20,920 --> 00:12:22,763
Too bad the tub is gone.

240
00:12:22,920 --> 00:12:24,046
Yeah.

241
00:12:24,520 --> 00:12:25,521
Too bad.

242
00:12:26,400 --> 00:12:27,401
Oh, fuck.

243
00:12:29,160 --> 00:12:30,161
Sorry.

244
00:12:30,600 --> 00:12:31,726
What the fuck? Lou...

245
00:12:31,920 --> 00:12:34,571
Nick-nack-paddywhack!
Give a dog a what?

246
00:12:34,640 --> 00:12:36,563
Gary Winkle.

247
00:12:36,640 --> 00:12:39,211
Look at this.
Look, Lou spilled his drink on me

248
00:12:39,320 --> 00:12:41,368
so I don't have to talk to you.

249
00:12:41,560 --> 00:12:42,607
Good looking out.

250
00:12:43,080 --> 00:12:44,605
Okay, just laying it all out there.

251
00:12:44,680 --> 00:12:47,001
Where are me and you right now
on a scale of, like,

252
00:12:47,120 --> 00:12:50,408
"dinner and a movie"
to "tropical sex vacation"?

253
00:12:50,640 --> 00:12:52,688
We're on the
"it's never, ever going to happen"

254
00:12:52,760 --> 00:12:53,807
part of the scale.

255
00:12:53,960 --> 00:12:55,769
- So, like a four.
- One and a half.

256
00:12:55,960 --> 00:12:58,611
- Mmm-hmm.
- Minus the half.

257
00:12:58,720 --> 00:12:59,926
What are you selling, Gary?

258
00:13:00,000 --> 00:13:01,809
What? No love for Gary Winkle?

259
00:13:02,800 --> 00:13:04,484
Okay, but it is a sound
investment this time.

260
00:13:04,560 --> 00:13:05,561
I'm telling you, man.

261
00:13:05,880 --> 00:13:07,041
No, no, no. Wait, wait, wait.

262
00:13:07,120 --> 00:13:08,724
It is only 12 blocks from the river.

263
00:13:08,880 --> 00:13:12,282
Pristine lot.
You can build an office tower,

264
00:13:12,360 --> 00:13:14,806
nightclub, combo, whatever the fuck.

265
00:13:14,920 --> 00:13:15,887
I don't care.

266
00:13:15,960 --> 00:13:18,167
Okay, I get it, man, I get it.
I get it. I'm a loser.

267
00:13:18,240 --> 00:13:20,607
Okay, I'm always going to be a loser.
I'm not like you guys.

268
00:13:20,680 --> 00:13:23,445
I didn't magically turn it all around
after that ski trip.

269
00:13:23,520 --> 00:13:26,922
All I got is this piece of land,
and I know it's a piece of shit, okay?

270
00:13:27,000 --> 00:13:29,890
But it's... It can be our piece of shit.

271
00:13:29,960 --> 00:13:30,961
Not interested. Pass.

272
00:13:35,000 --> 00:13:38,288
<i>We are live!</i>

273
00:13:38,480 --> 00:13:41,404
<i>Coming to you
from the heart of the Bayou.</i>

274
00:13:41,480 --> 00:13:43,482
<i>At the height of his career,</i>

275
00:13:43,600 --> 00:13:47,446
<i>worth 2.3 billion dollars,</i>

276
00:13:47,840 --> 00:13:53,290
<i>introducing Lou "the Violator"</i>

277
00:13:53,360 --> 00:13:54,725
<i>Dorchen!</i>

278
00:14:13,520 --> 00:14:16,251
We've grown quite a bit
over the years, haven't we?

279
00:14:16,320 --> 00:14:18,482
Some of us have achieved our dreams.

280
00:14:18,800 --> 00:14:21,246
Others have found
new dreams to chase.

281
00:14:21,520 --> 00:14:22,885
You know, I bet...

282
00:14:23,120 --> 00:14:25,407
I bet there's not a person
in this room who,

283
00:14:25,480 --> 00:14:27,403
given the chance to do it all over again,

284
00:14:27,480 --> 00:14:29,369
would do it any differently. Am I right?

285
00:14:29,480 --> 00:14:31,369
Am I right?

286
00:14:34,880 --> 00:14:36,450
Hmm. And if you believe that...

287
00:14:36,560 --> 00:14:40,121
If you truly believe that
in your heart of hearts,

288
00:14:40,200 --> 00:14:41,440
well, then,

289
00:14:42,880 --> 00:14:45,724
you're all a bunch of fucking morons!

290
00:14:45,960 --> 00:14:47,041
Genius.

291
00:14:47,240 --> 00:14:51,040
Life is about do-overs, okay?

292
00:14:51,360 --> 00:14:53,806
And if you see your second chance

293
00:14:54,000 --> 00:14:56,924
peeking its dick around
a corner, snatch it!

294
00:14:57,240 --> 00:14:59,368
Grab it! Take my advice.

295
00:14:59,640 --> 00:15:01,563
Look at the people
you love most in this world,

296
00:15:01,640 --> 00:15:04,086
then you tell them
to go fuck themselves.

297
00:15:04,200 --> 00:15:06,248
Because life is about number one.

298
00:15:06,400 --> 00:15:09,529
<i>Numero</i> Lou-no!

299
00:15:11,240 --> 00:15:13,242
So come on, it's a party, right?

300
00:15:13,360 --> 00:15:17,160
Let's all get nude and fuck!

301
00:15:31,120 --> 00:15:32,360
Move!

302
00:15:34,480 --> 00:15:37,245
About time someone manned up
and shot the bastard.

303
00:15:39,440 --> 00:15:41,204
- Holy shit, he's been shot.
- In the dick!

304
00:15:41,280 --> 00:15:43,362
Shit! It's bad!
Somebody call an ambulance!

305
00:15:43,440 --> 00:15:44,521
- Nick.
- Yeah, buddy.

306
00:15:44,600 --> 00:15:46,728
You got your hand on my penis!

307
00:15:46,880 --> 00:15:48,041
I'm applying direct pressure!

308
00:15:48,120 --> 00:15:49,087
You don't have to touch it that hard.

309
00:15:49,160 --> 00:15:50,525
My hand is acting as a tourniquet!

310
00:15:50,600 --> 00:15:51,601
You work his dick. Whatever.

311
00:15:51,760 --> 00:15:53,524
No, no! Lou, Lou! Stay with me!

312
00:15:53,600 --> 00:15:55,045
Stay with me. Look at me. Look at me.

313
00:15:55,200 --> 00:15:56,201
Who shot you?

314
00:15:57,640 --> 00:15:58,971
Chux... Zedo.

315
00:15:59,280 --> 00:16:01,282
Chuck Zito? That motherfucker!

316
00:16:01,640 --> 00:16:03,449
- I think he's saying "tuxedo".
- Tuxedo?

317
00:16:03,520 --> 00:16:04,646
God, it hurts so bad.

318
00:16:04,760 --> 00:16:05,886
Who the fuck's wearing a tuxedo?

319
00:16:08,320 --> 00:16:09,651
What? What?

320
00:16:09,960 --> 00:16:11,724
Okay, first of all, this isn't a tuxedo,

321
00:16:11,800 --> 00:16:13,404
this is a morning suit.
It's way more casual.

322
00:16:13,480 --> 00:16:14,447
Mmm-hmm.

323
00:16:14,520 --> 00:16:15,760
Don't you watch <i>Downton Abbey</i>?

324
00:16:15,840 --> 00:16:18,366
I was standing right there beside you!
I didn't fuckin' shoot him!

325
00:16:18,480 --> 00:16:20,403
I want my dick back!

326
00:16:20,480 --> 00:16:21,891
Lou's gonna fuckin' die!
He's out of time!

327
00:16:22,160 --> 00:16:23,605
No, he's not.

328
00:16:24,240 --> 00:16:25,321
We'll give him more time.

329
00:16:25,480 --> 00:16:27,084
- What?
- Grab his arms.

330
00:16:27,640 --> 00:16:30,689
Oh, God, I take it back! I take it back!

331
00:16:30,960 --> 00:16:34,521
I don't want a shotgun to the dick!
It hurts so much!

332
00:16:34,840 --> 00:16:37,002
Oh, God! Oh, God!

333
00:16:38,240 --> 00:16:40,402
- What the fuck are you doing?
- Hang on. Trust me.

334
00:16:44,200 --> 00:16:45,201
Whoa.

335
00:16:55,560 --> 00:16:58,370
Holy shit.

336
00:16:59,760 --> 00:17:01,046
- I know, right?
- How?

337
00:17:01,360 --> 00:17:02,361
He stole it.

338
00:17:02,520 --> 00:17:05,364
I stole time! I stole the whole ski lodge!

339
00:17:07,960 --> 00:17:10,611
Check it out. Pure nitrotrinadium.

340
00:17:10,680 --> 00:17:11,647
Lou got it from the Russians.

341
00:17:11,720 --> 00:17:13,006
He told them
he's gonna build them a bomb.

342
00:17:13,080 --> 00:17:14,081
Classic Lou.

343
00:17:14,200 --> 00:17:15,531
Yeah. They've never seen
<i>Back to the Future</i>.

344
00:17:15,600 --> 00:17:16,726
All right. Everybody, get in.

345
00:17:17,240 --> 00:17:18,765
A little help here.

346
00:17:19,200 --> 00:17:20,565
Come on, Lou,
you got to earn it.

347
00:17:20,880 --> 00:17:22,450
Adam's trench coat?

348
00:17:22,800 --> 00:17:24,962
What the fuck is this? ls Adam here?

349
00:17:27,800 --> 00:17:29,404
Stay with me, Violator.

350
00:17:31,320 --> 00:17:34,051
Where's my hair?
It's where my power lies.

351
00:17:34,120 --> 00:17:35,485
Fuck your fucking wig.

352
00:17:35,560 --> 00:17:38,291
We gotta go back in time
and stop the killer before he shoots Lou.

353
00:17:41,160 --> 00:17:42,161
No.

354
00:17:42,240 --> 00:17:43,207
It's how it works.

355
00:17:43,280 --> 00:17:45,408
We get blackout drunk, we hallucinate,

356
00:17:45,480 --> 00:17:46,970
we wake up back in time.

357
00:17:47,040 --> 00:17:48,530
Don't mess
with a winning formula, huh?

358
00:17:48,600 --> 00:17:50,250
Don't be a fuckin' pussy!

359
00:18:14,440 --> 00:18:17,569
Guys, I feel fucking great!
I think it worked.

360
00:18:52,280 --> 00:18:54,760
- Lou's not breathing.
- I think he's gone.

361
00:19:15,120 --> 00:19:16,724
Nick, Nick, Nick! Help, help, help!

362
00:19:16,840 --> 00:19:17,921
Oh, shit.

363
00:19:20,760 --> 00:19:22,091
- Lou, Lou.
- Lou. Lou!

364
00:19:22,160 --> 00:19:24,481
Oh, fuck, fuck, fuck.

365
00:19:28,840 --> 00:19:29,887
I guess we were too late.

366
00:19:31,000 --> 00:19:33,162
Life is fucking weird, you know?

367
00:19:33,520 --> 00:19:36,000
I spent so much time hating him.

368
00:19:36,520 --> 00:19:38,841
And now that he's gone,
I can't help but feel...

369
00:19:38,920 --> 00:19:39,921
Love.

370
00:19:40,000 --> 00:19:42,207
No. Not love. Don't be stupid.

371
00:19:42,360 --> 00:19:43,361
Respect?

372
00:19:43,600 --> 00:19:45,523
No, that's still way too strong a word.

373
00:19:45,760 --> 00:19:47,125
Admiration?

374
00:19:47,320 --> 00:19:49,448
I mean, there's nothing
admirable about him.

375
00:19:49,520 --> 00:19:51,443
Well, I mean, he's your dad.
Honor, maybe?

376
00:19:51,520 --> 00:19:54,171
Not honor. I mean, that falls kind of
with respect and admiration.

377
00:19:54,240 --> 00:19:56,891
Maybe just kind of a...
Just a general sense of...

378
00:19:56,960 --> 00:19:57,961
Missing, you miss him.

379
00:19:58,040 --> 00:19:59,201
- Yeah, I miss him.
- Oh, you miss him. Yeah, yeah.

380
00:19:59,280 --> 00:20:00,327
I motherfucking miss him.

381
00:20:00,400 --> 00:20:02,926
What're you doing? You up in heaven?
Raping angels?

382
00:20:03,040 --> 00:20:04,121
Good for you, buddy.

383
00:20:11,360 --> 00:20:12,646
- Oh, God.
- What the fuck?

384
00:20:12,720 --> 00:20:13,960
I saw this on <i>C.S.I.</i>

385
00:20:14,040 --> 00:20:16,122
The bowels evacuate

386
00:20:16,200 --> 00:20:17,884
when the body dies.
- Oh.

387
00:20:18,120 --> 00:20:20,407
That smells like hatred.

388
00:20:20,640 --> 00:20:21,971
This is gonna get worse
before it gets better.

389
00:20:22,240 --> 00:20:24,402
My dick! My dick!

390
00:20:25,240 --> 00:20:27,402
It worked! Holy shit! Wait, look!

391
00:20:27,680 --> 00:20:29,091
Look, look!

392
00:20:29,320 --> 00:20:31,402
That's a good-looking dick to me!

393
00:20:32,720 --> 00:20:34,927
My dick is back!

394
00:20:36,560 --> 00:20:37,686
How far back did we go?

395
00:20:41,680 --> 00:20:43,045
I don't know.

396
00:20:53,880 --> 00:20:57,123
We put a big dryer in
so we don't have to time travel naked.

397
00:20:57,240 --> 00:20:58,765
This is different.

398
00:20:59,440 --> 00:21:02,284
It's like a Scandinavian gay bar.

399
00:21:03,040 --> 00:21:04,849
Looks like a Miami IKEA.

400
00:21:04,920 --> 00:21:06,251
Dude, it looks amazing.

401
00:21:06,560 --> 00:21:08,722
I mean, look how classy it is.
It's like a museum.

402
00:21:18,720 --> 00:21:19,846
Who...

403
00:21:19,920 --> 00:21:20,921
Who is this?

404
00:21:22,520 --> 00:21:23,931
I think it's Jacob.

405
00:21:24,040 --> 00:21:25,166
Why am I bald?

406
00:21:25,440 --> 00:21:27,124
What did you do?

407
00:21:27,280 --> 00:21:28,645
I didn't... I didn't do that.

408
00:21:28,880 --> 00:21:30,450
You look like a pedophile dressed you.

409
00:21:30,640 --> 00:21:32,927
You look like a Jewish Jason Statham.

410
00:21:33,280 --> 00:21:35,806
You look like Michael Chiklis
fucked Big Daddy Warbucks,

411
00:21:35,880 --> 00:21:37,120
who fucked Lex Luthor.

412
00:21:37,720 --> 00:21:38,721
That's what it is.

413
00:21:38,800 --> 00:21:40,802
And... And... Who's the little doggie?

414
00:21:40,880 --> 00:21:43,087
What's he do...
What's he just doing there like this?

415
00:21:43,200 --> 00:21:44,884
Why aren't you fucking that doggie?

416
00:21:44,960 --> 00:21:46,530
Why would I be fucking the dog?

417
00:21:46,600 --> 00:21:47,886
Power over nature.

418
00:21:48,960 --> 00:21:49,961
Hey, you.

419
00:21:52,320 --> 00:21:53,651
Is that the coat-check girl?

420
00:21:56,840 --> 00:21:57,841
Boobs.

421
00:21:58,000 --> 00:21:59,729
Hey, how are you?

422
00:22:02,280 --> 00:22:03,611
I didn't know you had company.

423
00:22:03,840 --> 00:22:05,410
- Yeah...
- Hey, Nick.

424
00:22:05,560 --> 00:22:06,561
'Sup?

425
00:22:07,040 --> 00:22:08,371
What's he doing here?

426
00:22:08,480 --> 00:22:10,005
This is my house.

427
00:22:12,400 --> 00:22:13,811
Think that'll hold you till later?

428
00:22:14,160 --> 00:22:15,571
Yeah, I'm sure.

429
00:22:15,880 --> 00:22:17,769
- Bye, Nick.
- Bye.

430
00:22:17,960 --> 00:22:19,325
- See you at the club?
- Right.

431
00:22:22,920 --> 00:22:25,082
That coat-check girl is rude.

432
00:22:25,320 --> 00:22:26,446
I like her.

433
00:22:26,760 --> 00:22:29,001
I think it's pretty obvious
what's going on here, right.

434
00:22:29,080 --> 00:22:30,081
What?

435
00:22:30,280 --> 00:22:32,886
Alternate universe. Like Fringe.

436
00:22:33,600 --> 00:22:34,647
<i>Nerd</i>

437
00:22:34,720 --> 00:22:37,405
<i>You're a fucking nerd</i>

438
00:22:37,480 --> 00:22:38,527
<i>Nerd</i>

439
00:22:38,640 --> 00:22:41,007
<i>You're a fucking nerd</i>

440
00:22:41,080 --> 00:22:43,560
<i>- Nerd
- And no one likes you</i>

441
00:22:43,680 --> 00:22:44,647
<i>Poindexter</i>

442
00:22:44,720 --> 00:22:45,801
<i>No one likes you</i>

443
00:22:45,880 --> 00:22:47,962
<i>Media preferences, Mr. Dorchen?</i>

444
00:22:48,040 --> 00:22:49,041
Hello?

445
00:22:49,280 --> 00:22:51,965
<i>Media preferences, Mr. Dorchen?</i>

446
00:22:52,440 --> 00:22:54,124
<i>Duck Dynasty?</i>

447
00:22:54,320 --> 00:22:56,607
<i>Media preferences, Mr. Dorchen?</i>

448
00:22:56,760 --> 00:22:58,888
<i>Duck Fucking Dynasty!</i>

449
00:22:59,360 --> 00:23:01,044
Just try "the news."

450
00:23:01,200 --> 00:23:03,407
<i>News selected.
Thank you, Mr. Dorchen.</i>

451
00:23:03,480 --> 00:23:04,481
<i>Tune in tomorrow</i>

452
00:23:04,560 --> 00:23:05,846
<i>for the challenge round.</i>

453
00:23:06,040 --> 00:23:09,123
<i>Eat a boot? Eat your feelings.
Choozy Doozy.</i>

454
00:23:09,320 --> 00:23:11,209
I think I may be Mr. Dorchen.

455
00:23:11,320 --> 00:23:12,845
- What? No.
- I think this is my house.

456
00:23:12,920 --> 00:23:14,684
- No way.
- I think he's right, Lou.

457
00:23:14,880 --> 00:23:15,961
- That's impossible.
- You heard it.

458
00:23:16,080 --> 00:23:17,491
- It just answered me.
- Uh-uh!

459
00:23:17,680 --> 00:23:19,489
<i>March 26, 2025.</i>

460
00:23:19,560 --> 00:23:22,484
<i>From Comedy Central's World News
headquarters in New York.com,</i>

461
00:23:22,560 --> 00:23:24,847
<i>this is </i>The Daily Show
<i>with Jessica Williams.</i>

462
00:23:24,960 --> 00:23:26,007
2025.

463
00:23:28,560 --> 00:23:31,928
<i>Hey! Welcome to </i>The Daily Show.
<i>I'm Jessica Williams.</i>

464
00:23:32,000 --> 00:23:34,367
<i>Tonight's guest,
Dame Jennifer Lawrence</i>

465
00:23:34,440 --> 00:23:37,683
<i>promoting her Meryl Streep
biopic, </i>Streepin' It Real.

466
00:23:37,840 --> 00:23:40,525
Hey, how do they get the people
to be on this show?

467
00:23:40,840 --> 00:23:42,968
<i>So, by now you've all seen
the NSA satellite footage</i>

468
00:23:43,040 --> 00:23:44,485
<i>of the road rage incident</i>

469
00:23:44,560 --> 00:23:47,803
<i>between two self-driving
smart cars in New Detroit.</i>

470
00:23:48,000 --> 00:23:49,161
<i>President Neil Patrick Harris has called</i>

471
00:23:49,920 --> 00:23:52,287
<i>for greater regulation of the industry,</i>

472
00:23:52,760 --> 00:23:55,684
<i>while congressional Republicans defend
every sentient automobile's</i>

473
00:23:55,760 --> 00:23:58,366
<i>constitutional right to shoot a black car</i>

474
00:23:58,440 --> 00:23:59,771
<i>if it's actin' funny.</i>

475
00:24:01,640 --> 00:24:03,130
This show's still got it.

476
00:24:03,200 --> 00:24:06,886
Holy shit.
We went 10 years into the future.

477
00:24:11,440 --> 00:24:12,566
Whoa.

478
00:24:13,120 --> 00:24:15,202
I'm distinguished.

479
00:24:15,560 --> 00:24:17,801
Oh, I should shave this, right?

480
00:24:17,960 --> 00:24:19,610
Yeah, that's not a good look.

481
00:24:19,680 --> 00:24:21,409
This is so smooth,
I don't think I went bald.

482
00:24:21,520 --> 00:24:22,567
I think this is a choice,

483
00:24:22,640 --> 00:24:24,961
like Andre Agassi
or Bruce Willis or something.

484
00:24:25,160 --> 00:24:27,481
You don't look
anything like either of those two people.

485
00:24:27,560 --> 00:24:31,007
For one, they're fit and handsome
and you're neither of those things.

486
00:24:31,120 --> 00:24:32,929
You look like a turtle
crawled out of his shell.

487
00:24:33,040 --> 00:24:34,644
Fuck you for making me bald.

488
00:24:34,720 --> 00:24:37,405
You look like
an orchestra conductor for stray cats.

489
00:24:37,480 --> 00:24:39,881
You look like you give
lectures on public access.

490
00:24:39,960 --> 00:24:41,724
You look like a grown-up Gerber baby.

491
00:24:42,160 --> 00:24:44,640
You look like an egg
gave birth to another egg.

492
00:24:44,760 --> 00:24:46,250
You look like
Gandalf the Poor.

493
00:24:47,360 --> 00:24:49,488
You look like
you advise Lando Calrissian.

494
00:24:49,600 --> 00:24:50,567
That's a good one.

495
00:24:50,640 --> 00:24:51,926
You look like the guy
that owns the one house

496
00:24:52,000 --> 00:24:53,081
that ruins the whole street.

497
00:24:53,200 --> 00:24:55,009
Have I bombed anything, you think?

498
00:24:55,080 --> 00:24:57,082
You look like
you've never made a correct decision.

499
00:24:57,160 --> 00:24:58,286
Even

500
00:24:58,440 --> 00:25:01,125
I have definitely given
a back-alley blowjob.

501
00:25:01,320 --> 00:25:02,526
I gotta admit I kinda like this.

502
00:25:02,720 --> 00:25:04,563
I want to hit you into the corner pocket.

503
00:25:04,720 --> 00:25:07,451
Now I know why the coat-check
girl didn't like me.

504
00:25:07,520 --> 00:25:09,329
I look like fucking shit.

505
00:25:13,880 --> 00:25:16,406
So far so good on this future shit, huh?

506
00:25:16,480 --> 00:25:17,970
Yeah. You know what?

507
00:25:18,040 --> 00:25:20,281
I don't feel like anything
bad's going to happen.

508
00:25:20,880 --> 00:25:21,881
Uh-oh.

509
00:25:21,960 --> 00:25:24,486
Hey, check it out. I found all
the gear from the painting.

510
00:25:24,560 --> 00:25:25,607
- Cool, huh?
- Whoa.

511
00:25:28,160 --> 00:25:29,764
What happened
to the bottom of your suit?

512
00:25:29,880 --> 00:25:31,325
That pesky little doggie eat it?

513
00:25:31,680 --> 00:25:33,125
It's called fashion, Lou.

514
00:25:33,520 --> 00:25:34,521
You look like...

515
00:25:34,720 --> 00:25:35,721
Nope, not doing anymore
"You look like."

516
00:25:35,840 --> 00:25:36,807
But you look like...

517
00:25:36,880 --> 00:25:38,041
I don't give a shit.
We did it on the stairs.

518
00:25:38,120 --> 00:25:39,121
We did it in front of the mirror.

519
00:25:39,200 --> 00:25:40,531
It'd be tacky to do it a third time.

520
00:25:40,720 --> 00:25:42,563
Anyway, do you guys
want some fresh clothes?

521
00:25:42,640 --> 00:25:44,005
I got a whole closet full of stuff.

522
00:25:44,080 --> 00:25:46,162
I love this shirt. My shit is fly.

523
00:25:46,240 --> 00:25:48,208
Weren't you listening
to my speech, dude?

524
00:25:48,440 --> 00:25:50,169
Always pack a bag.

525
00:25:51,720 --> 00:25:53,290
Hey, is that...

526
00:25:54,520 --> 00:25:55,806
- No. it is not.
- How did you get that?

527
00:25:55,880 --> 00:25:57,291
- I didn't get...
- I know what it...

528
00:25:57,360 --> 00:25:58,566
I saw what it said.

529
00:25:58,800 --> 00:25:59,961
It doesn't say anything!

530
00:26:00,040 --> 00:26:01,201
Was that the Cincinnati box?

531
00:26:02,720 --> 00:26:05,246
- Don't say that out loud.
- It might hear you.

532
00:26:05,440 --> 00:26:07,408
You're really never
going to tell me what's inside that box?

533
00:26:07,720 --> 00:26:10,451
Okay, we'll tell you. We'll tell him.

534
00:26:10,880 --> 00:26:12,405
- I'm going to tell him.
- Lou.

535
00:26:12,600 --> 00:26:15,285
It's the Declaration of Independence
with a map on the back.

536
00:26:15,360 --> 00:26:17,408
- Our family's chosen.
- Yep.

537
00:26:17,720 --> 00:26:19,449
That's just the plot of that
movie <i>National Treasure</i>.

538
00:26:19,520 --> 00:26:20,521
It's the Ark of the Covenant.

539
00:26:20,680 --> 00:26:22,887
That's <i>Raiders of the Lost Ark</i>.
You're not even tryin'.

540
00:26:22,960 --> 00:26:24,769
I mean, that's not even
anything that could be in the box.

541
00:26:24,880 --> 00:26:26,564
Okay, this has gone on long enough.

542
00:26:26,640 --> 00:26:27,687
Okay.

543
00:26:27,760 --> 00:26:31,731
It's a ring that turns you invisible
and carries with it the power of evil.

544
00:26:31,840 --> 00:26:34,366
I've seen fucking movies,
you guys! I've seen movies!

545
00:26:34,480 --> 00:26:36,403
Wait, why are you alive?

546
00:26:36,480 --> 00:26:37,527
What?

547
00:26:37,600 --> 00:26:39,409
Why are you alive? We're in the future.

548
00:26:39,480 --> 00:26:41,130
Yeah, you know what? He's right.

549
00:26:41,200 --> 00:26:43,009
'Cause if we went back in time,
you'd be alive.

550
00:26:43,120 --> 00:26:44,849
But we went 10 years
in the fuckin' future.

551
00:26:44,920 --> 00:26:46,046
You should be dead.

552
00:26:46,240 --> 00:26:47,605
Yeah, what the fuck?

553
00:26:47,760 --> 00:26:49,444
What you should be
asking yourselves is,

554
00:26:49,520 --> 00:26:51,170
"When the fuck?"

555
00:26:51,240 --> 00:26:53,129
God damn it!

556
00:26:53,280 --> 00:26:54,645
This fucking guy again!

557
00:26:54,720 --> 00:26:55,721
Why do you do that?

558
00:26:55,960 --> 00:26:57,564
He's not going to tell us anything.

559
00:26:57,760 --> 00:27:00,081
Hey, why don't you make like a fuck off
and get out of here?

560
00:27:00,240 --> 00:27:04,040
Wait. So all we have to do is go back
and Lou's gonna be okay, right?

561
00:27:04,640 --> 00:27:07,120
It's not that simple, really.

562
00:27:07,280 --> 00:27:09,362
The hot tub doesn't take you
where you want to go.

563
00:27:09,480 --> 00:27:10,891
It takes you where you need to go.

564
00:27:10,960 --> 00:27:11,961
Come on!

565
00:27:12,080 --> 00:27:15,846
There are
certain calculations and innovations

566
00:27:15,920 --> 00:27:19,129
and salutations that haven't
even come to pass yet.

567
00:27:19,440 --> 00:27:21,090
What the hell does that mean?

568
00:27:21,240 --> 00:27:24,528
What it means is, at the present,
your tub here is just a tub.

569
00:27:24,640 --> 00:27:27,166
Wait, are you saying
that time travel is not even possible?

570
00:27:27,320 --> 00:27:30,051
Right on, Liz.
Give the pretty lady a flower.

571
00:27:30,160 --> 00:27:31,491
- Damn it.
- Lizzie.

572
00:27:31,640 --> 00:27:33,642
That's bullshit, okay?

573
00:27:33,720 --> 00:27:36,564
We got a whole vault
of nitro right here.

574
00:27:37,080 --> 00:27:39,162
Where'd it go? Where did it go?

575
00:27:40,320 --> 00:27:42,004
What did you do with my nitro?

576
00:27:42,240 --> 00:27:44,925
How can I take what doesn't exist yet?

577
00:27:45,080 --> 00:27:47,447
It exists in the past.
How can it not exist in the future?

578
00:27:47,560 --> 00:27:50,166
The past, the future. All very cute.

579
00:27:50,400 --> 00:27:52,482
But who's to say the past
isn't anything more

580
00:27:52,560 --> 00:27:54,847
than the future of this present?

581
00:27:55,240 --> 00:27:56,969
So, nitro is from the future?

582
00:27:58,160 --> 00:27:59,446
<i>Like Terminator.</i>

583
00:27:59,600 --> 00:28:01,011
- Yeah.
- Oh! Oh, my God.

584
00:28:01,080 --> 00:28:03,082
You think everything is like Terminator.

585
00:28:03,200 --> 00:28:04,850
'Cause everything is like Terminator!

586
00:28:04,960 --> 00:28:07,008
Arnold's hand gets
chopped off in the past,

587
00:28:07,120 --> 00:28:10,203
somebody finds it, reverse
engineers that shit. Boom!

588
00:28:10,320 --> 00:28:12,641
Terminators running all
around this motherfucker.

589
00:28:12,720 --> 00:28:14,006
That's how we got nitro?

590
00:28:14,480 --> 00:28:16,687
I don't know. I never saw Terminator.

591
00:28:17,000 --> 00:28:19,048
Oh, fuck this guy and his riddles!

592
00:28:27,000 --> 00:28:28,604
Thanks for holding him down for me!

593
00:28:28,760 --> 00:28:29,761
"Hold him down"?

594
00:28:29,840 --> 00:28:31,763
So you can beat to death
the mystical time baron

595
00:28:31,840 --> 00:28:33,330
that holds the keys
to our very existence?

596
00:28:33,440 --> 00:28:35,010
That's your fucking plan here?

597
00:28:35,080 --> 00:28:36,206
Shut up.

598
00:28:36,360 --> 00:28:37,805
Tighten your shit up, Lou.
We needed him.

599
00:28:37,880 --> 00:28:39,041
Amateur hour.

600
00:28:39,800 --> 00:28:41,370
This thing is awesome.

601
00:28:41,520 --> 00:28:42,851
I probably invented it.

602
00:28:42,920 --> 00:28:44,843
"Lou Sux

603
00:28:49,920 --> 00:28:50,921
Okay.

604
00:28:51,360 --> 00:28:52,646
Try to stay with me.

605
00:28:52,720 --> 00:28:54,563
This is going to get complicated.

606
00:28:54,680 --> 00:28:56,648
This is time.

607
00:28:58,320 --> 00:28:59,526
And you're dead.

608
00:28:59,680 --> 00:29:01,569
So Lou is killed in our present,

609
00:29:01,680 --> 00:29:03,011
which means that here, in the future,

610
00:29:03,080 --> 00:29:04,320
he should still be dead.

611
00:29:04,400 --> 00:29:05,561
Well, clearly, he's not fuckin' dead,

612
00:29:05,680 --> 00:29:07,569
'cause he's sittin' here,
still bothering me.

613
00:29:07,680 --> 00:29:09,125
So what that tells me is

614
00:29:09,200 --> 00:29:10,850
we're in a completely different future

615
00:29:10,920 --> 00:29:13,400
on a completely different timeline.

616
00:29:13,520 --> 00:29:16,091
Jacob, I'm the Sarlacc.

617
00:29:17,480 --> 00:29:18,481
Okay.

618
00:29:18,560 --> 00:29:20,244
Anyway, the Repairman said

619
00:29:20,360 --> 00:29:24,843
that the past is actually the future
of the present we're in right now.

620
00:29:25,360 --> 00:29:29,410
So I think what that means is
the killer is from the future.

621
00:29:29,880 --> 00:29:33,202
So clearly, someone from 2025
will go back in time and shoot Lou.

622
00:29:33,440 --> 00:29:34,771
Like <i>Looper.</i>

623
00:29:35,040 --> 00:29:36,121
Wow!

624
00:29:36,560 --> 00:29:38,369
How about a fucking spoiler alert?

625
00:29:38,440 --> 00:29:40,568
"Hey, Lou, you want to go see Looper?"

626
00:29:40,640 --> 00:29:42,449
"Nah, I got a thing I gotta do."

627
00:29:42,640 --> 00:29:44,404
It's in my queue! That counts.

628
00:29:44,520 --> 00:29:46,409
It's the first Bruce Willis
movie we missed.

629
00:29:46,520 --> 00:29:48,010
- Is Bruce in that?
- Okay.

630
00:29:48,120 --> 00:29:51,886
Plainly, just by virtue of
Lou being here alive in 2025

631
00:29:51,960 --> 00:29:54,327
when we know that he died in 2015,

632
00:29:54,600 --> 00:29:56,250
we're here to stop his future murder.

633
00:29:56,320 --> 00:29:59,051
- Which happens in the past.
- Exactly.

634
00:29:59,120 --> 00:30:00,121
I get this shit.

635
00:30:00,240 --> 00:30:02,049
I'm bored by this shit.

636
00:30:02,120 --> 00:30:04,407
Let's go check out the future
strip club situation.

637
00:30:04,480 --> 00:30:05,481
High five.

638
00:30:05,680 --> 00:30:07,409
Did you just say "high five"
instead of high-fiving?

639
00:30:07,480 --> 00:30:08,811
- High five.
- High five.

640
00:30:09,080 --> 00:30:10,889
That is the laziest thing
I've ever heard.

641
00:30:10,960 --> 00:30:11,927
High five.

642
00:30:12,000 --> 00:30:13,570
You don't have the energy for this?

643
00:30:13,960 --> 00:30:16,247
No, no.
You guys, we can't just fuck around.

644
00:30:16,320 --> 00:30:17,606
We got to find your murderer.

645
00:30:17,680 --> 00:30:19,603
Or we don't have to do any of that

646
00:30:19,680 --> 00:30:21,569
and we go check out a strip club.

647
00:30:22,880 --> 00:30:23,927
Oh!

648
00:30:24,000 --> 00:30:26,207
- You flickered.
- Ah, you're flickering.

649
00:30:26,280 --> 00:30:27,884
I flickered... Why am I flickering?

650
00:30:27,960 --> 00:30:29,041
By threatening your own existence.

651
00:30:29,120 --> 00:30:30,724
Have you listened to
anything I've been saying?

652
00:30:30,880 --> 00:30:32,609
I have not listened to any of it.

653
00:30:32,920 --> 00:30:35,571
God, okay, fine! Fine.

654
00:30:35,640 --> 00:30:39,167
We'll solve my stupid murder,
which hasn't happened yet.

655
00:30:41,120 --> 00:30:43,043
Or we can just go
to a strip club.

656
00:30:43,560 --> 00:30:44,561
Oh...

657
00:30:44,640 --> 00:30:46,688
All right, fine!
The fucking murder thing.

658
00:31:12,040 --> 00:31:14,646
Huh. Nothing's really changed.

659
00:31:14,800 --> 00:31:17,087
You'd figure after 10 years,
something would be different, right?

660
00:31:25,080 --> 00:31:27,447
That's some sexy-ass
future shit right there.

661
00:31:27,640 --> 00:31:30,246
<i>Do you or someone you love
have a problem with</i>

662
00:31:30,320 --> 00:31:32,800
<i>- heroin, speed, ice...
- Yes. Yeah.</i>

663
00:31:32,880 --> 00:31:35,360
- ...smack, whack, jack...
- Uh-huh. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah.

664
00:31:35,440 --> 00:31:37,761
<i>...Al Michaels' Revenge or cocaine?</i>

665
00:31:37,840 --> 00:31:38,887
First order of business,

666
00:31:39,000 --> 00:31:40,843
we get ourselves some
Al Michaels' Revenge, right?

667
00:31:40,960 --> 00:31:44,726
<i>We can help put the "U"
back in "Reuvenate."</i>

668
00:31:44,840 --> 00:31:47,446
We're still demonizing addiction, huh?
Like it's some kind of sickness.

669
00:31:47,840 --> 00:31:49,410
I cannot wait for you to hit rock bottom.

670
00:31:49,480 --> 00:31:51,005
Yeah! Yeah.

671
00:31:51,440 --> 00:31:53,363
Who in the future
would want to kill you, Lou?

672
00:31:53,440 --> 00:31:54,771
I don't know.

673
00:31:54,840 --> 00:31:56,683
The only person who's ever
had any motivation

674
00:31:56,760 --> 00:31:58,524
to kill me has been me.

675
00:31:58,640 --> 00:32:01,120
I treat everyone with the
utmost respect and kindness.

676
00:32:01,240 --> 00:32:03,322
Lou, you tried to push me
down the stairs last week.

677
00:32:03,440 --> 00:32:05,488
As a joke!

678
00:32:07,480 --> 00:32:09,289
Oh, my God, it's you.

679
00:32:09,640 --> 00:32:10,846
Jacob is the murderer.

680
00:32:11,080 --> 00:32:13,367
I'm not the murderer. Come on.

681
00:32:13,840 --> 00:32:17,083
Oh, really? Because you seem to have
stepped right into my life.

682
00:32:17,160 --> 00:32:19,925
You always wanted to be
the one fucking that tiger!

683
00:32:20,080 --> 00:32:23,766
Lou, if I was going to fuckin' kill you,
I wouldn't use a gun, okay?

684
00:32:23,840 --> 00:32:27,845
I would spike your mid-morning cocktail
with a tasteless, but potent sedative.

685
00:32:27,920 --> 00:32:30,366
And, while you slept,
I would wait the nine hours

686
00:32:30,440 --> 00:32:32,841
for it to fully flush out of your system,
so there's no trace.

687
00:32:32,920 --> 00:32:37,209
And I would take you out into the Gulf
and feed you to a tiger shark.

688
00:32:37,320 --> 00:32:38,685
Damn, that's cold.

689
00:32:38,840 --> 00:32:40,604
But I wouldn't use a gun.

690
00:32:40,680 --> 00:32:43,809
I'll be making my own mid-morning
cocktail from now on, thank you.

691
00:32:43,880 --> 00:32:46,281
Man, I wish Adam was here.
He'd know what to do.

692
00:32:46,400 --> 00:32:48,368
You just described my whole entire life.

693
00:32:48,440 --> 00:32:50,681
We need Adam and he's not here.

694
00:32:54,200 --> 00:32:55,565
Where the hell is he?

695
00:32:55,680 --> 00:32:57,011
Holy shit.

696
00:32:57,160 --> 00:32:59,162
When we were carrying you
after you got shot,

697
00:32:59,240 --> 00:33:00,321
I saw his trench coat

698
00:33:00,400 --> 00:33:02,402
<i>beside the hot tub time machine.</i>

699
00:33:06,520 --> 00:33:08,045
Adam murdered me.

700
00:33:09,160 --> 00:33:10,366
Okay, so Adam shoots Lou,

701
00:33:10,440 --> 00:33:12,602
and then uses the hot tub
to escape somewhere in time.

702
00:33:12,680 --> 00:33:13,727
Textbook.

703
00:33:13,800 --> 00:33:15,802
Only in our fucked-up social circle
is that textbook.

704
00:33:15,880 --> 00:33:17,530
Why would Adam wanna shoot you?

705
00:33:17,640 --> 00:33:20,723
I don't know.
I've only been the best of friends to him.

706
00:33:20,800 --> 00:33:23,371
- You tried to fuck his wife.
- You tried to fuck his wife?

707
00:33:23,480 --> 00:33:26,484
As a joke!
Come on, you guys get that.

708
00:33:26,560 --> 00:33:27,561
No.

709
00:33:27,640 --> 00:33:28,641
You get it.

710
00:33:29,800 --> 00:33:32,201
<i>In Lougle financial news,
no surprise here,</i>

711
00:33:32,320 --> 00:33:34,891
<i>Lougle finished trading up
10 points today.</i>

712
00:33:34,960 --> 00:33:37,645
Nice. Looks like
I turned the company around.

713
00:33:38,320 --> 00:33:39,810
I'll turn you around.

714
00:33:40,320 --> 00:33:42,049
Somebody's grumpy
'cause they got murdered.

715
00:33:42,120 --> 00:33:43,451
Mmm-hmm.

716
00:33:45,640 --> 00:33:46,926
Adam! Come on out!

717
00:33:47,000 --> 00:33:48,729
It's your best friends
in the whole fucking world!

718
00:33:48,800 --> 00:33:49,961
You sure this is the right place?

719
00:33:50,040 --> 00:33:52,964
Lougle Search brought up
Adam's location and DNA.

720
00:33:53,040 --> 00:33:54,929
He's really got to fix his privacy settings.

721
00:33:55,000 --> 00:33:57,287
If he's here,
I'm gonna kill him before he kills me.

722
00:33:57,440 --> 00:33:58,965
Hi. Can I help you?

723
00:33:59,840 --> 00:34:03,242
Oh, my God.
Jacob Dorchen and Nick Webber?

724
00:34:03,440 --> 00:34:05,283
Guilty.

725
00:34:05,640 --> 00:34:07,847
<i>Am I on Celebrity Subpoena?</i>

726
00:34:07,920 --> 00:34:10,764
Just tell me. Tell me,
am I on <i>Celebrity Subpoena</i>?

727
00:34:11,240 --> 00:34:13,368
And hello, sir. Who are you?

728
00:34:13,520 --> 00:34:15,090
- Fuck it, wrong house.
- Stop.

729
00:34:15,160 --> 00:34:16,730
Does Adam Yates live here?

730
00:34:17,280 --> 00:34:19,203
I'm Adam Yates Stedmeyer.

731
00:34:20,600 --> 00:34:24,286
Okay, so you're married to my aunt,
which makes you my uncle.

732
00:34:24,360 --> 00:34:28,922
But that means that
you and I are first cousins.

733
00:34:29,560 --> 00:34:31,369
Oh, my God, you guys. This is aws.

734
00:34:31,440 --> 00:34:33,647
He looks like a preppie Braveheart.

735
00:34:33,840 --> 00:34:36,525
I found this photo after my mother died.

736
00:34:39,520 --> 00:34:41,522
Great White Buffalo.

737
00:34:41,720 --> 00:34:42,881
Great White Buffalo.

738
00:34:42,960 --> 00:34:45,725
- Great White Buffalo.
- Great White Buffalo.

739
00:34:45,800 --> 00:34:47,564
Great White Buffalo. Yeah.

740
00:34:47,640 --> 00:34:48,971
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

741
00:34:49,040 --> 00:34:52,044
So this is him, right? This is my dad?

742
00:34:52,120 --> 00:34:53,121
So you never met him?

743
00:34:53,200 --> 00:34:54,929
No, they broke up
before I was even born.

744
00:34:55,000 --> 00:34:55,967
Oh.

745
00:34:56,040 --> 00:34:58,202
But you guys can introduce us.

746
00:34:58,360 --> 00:35:02,001
Yeah. See, the thing about that is,
it's complicated.

747
00:35:02,120 --> 00:35:04,168
Do you guys ever feel like

748
00:35:04,560 --> 00:35:06,403
everything happens for a reason?

749
00:35:06,560 --> 00:35:07,686
- Yes.
- No.

750
00:35:08,000 --> 00:35:10,446
Call it destiny, or predestiny.

751
00:35:10,520 --> 00:35:12,090
I think it's "predestination."

752
00:35:12,160 --> 00:35:14,242
No, it's predestiny. I read a book.

753
00:35:14,320 --> 00:35:15,481
Uh, was that book a dictionary?

754
00:35:15,640 --> 00:35:17,404
No, it was a book called <i>Predestiny</i>.

755
00:35:17,520 --> 00:35:19,010
Okay, I don't really give a shit.

756
00:35:19,080 --> 00:35:21,321
With predestiny, it dictates

757
00:35:21,520 --> 00:35:24,205
that there is a force or something
holding the strings

758
00:35:24,280 --> 00:35:25,645
and setting everything up

759
00:35:25,720 --> 00:35:28,724
just so they can be
knocked down perfectly

760
00:35:29,120 --> 00:35:30,929
into...

761
00:35:36,040 --> 00:35:37,041
Place.

762
00:35:37,120 --> 00:35:39,407
I can't! I can't do it! I gotta go. Let's go.

763
00:35:39,640 --> 00:35:41,404
- Sorry.
- Sorry, bro, we gotta go.

764
00:35:41,480 --> 00:35:42,481
Nice skirt, by the way.

765
00:35:42,560 --> 00:35:45,086
- Thank you.
- I have the dress.

766
00:35:45,160 --> 00:35:46,650
Wait, who said anything
about a dress?

767
00:35:46,720 --> 00:35:49,200
I certainly didn't say
anything about the dress.

768
00:35:49,320 --> 00:35:50,446
Oh.

769
00:35:50,520 --> 00:35:52,522
I'm sorry. I didn't realize
that Adam had guests.

770
00:35:52,600 --> 00:35:53,761
- Hey, babe.
- Hi.

771
00:35:53,880 --> 00:35:57,043
Guys, meet Jill. Jill, meet the guys.

772
00:35:57,120 --> 00:35:59,009
We're getting married this weekend.

773
00:35:59,080 --> 00:36:01,970
Uh, me and Jill, not me and you guys.

774
00:36:02,200 --> 00:36:04,362
Oh, stop it. You're gonna make milk
come out of my nose.

775
00:36:04,440 --> 00:36:06,329
- Milk? What milk?
- I had milk earlier.

776
00:36:06,400 --> 00:36:07,447
Oh.

777
00:36:08,800 --> 00:36:10,040
Are you Nick Webber?

778
00:36:10,120 --> 00:36:11,485
Yes. Yes, I am.

779
00:36:11,600 --> 00:36:14,001
Would you please do the Webber Strut?

780
00:36:14,160 --> 00:36:15,366
The Webber...

781
00:36:15,640 --> 00:36:17,881
Come on, you know it.
He wants us to do it.

782
00:36:17,960 --> 00:36:18,927
I think so.

783
00:36:19,000 --> 00:36:21,480
Everybody,
strut, strut, strut, strut.

784
00:36:21,640 --> 00:36:23,529
- Stop that.
- Strut, strut, strut...

785
00:36:23,640 --> 00:36:26,120
Wow, they're really good at your dance.

786
00:36:26,320 --> 00:36:29,722
Your poor man's Macarena
that you are very famous for.

787
00:36:29,800 --> 00:36:30,801
<i>Everybody do the...</i>

788
00:36:30,920 --> 00:36:32,684
They're, like, picking dicks out of a tree.

789
00:36:32,760 --> 00:36:34,205
It looks like dick-picking.

790
00:36:34,280 --> 00:36:37,124
And for the record, I still like your music.

791
00:36:37,200 --> 00:36:39,248
I mean,
I know you've fallen on hard times.

792
00:36:39,360 --> 00:36:40,361
Hard times?

793
00:36:40,440 --> 00:36:42,329
You're so poor now,
but I really like you still.

794
00:36:42,400 --> 00:36:43,890
What do you mean, poor?

795
00:36:43,960 --> 00:36:45,769
- Oh, my God, that's the one.
- That's the one?

796
00:36:45,840 --> 00:36:46,966
That is the one.

797
00:36:47,040 --> 00:36:49,407
Honey, we found our mini-cake bites.

798
00:36:49,760 --> 00:36:50,841
- Phew!
- Guys!

799
00:36:50,920 --> 00:36:52,763
We found our mini-cake bites.

800
00:36:52,840 --> 00:36:53,807
What?

801
00:36:53,880 --> 00:36:54,927
Oh, I didn't tell you.

802
00:36:55,000 --> 00:36:56,923
- Jacob is my cousin.
- No.

803
00:36:57,000 --> 00:36:59,321
- And Uncle Lou...
- Don't you ever call me that.

804
00:36:59,440 --> 00:37:01,363
- ...Is my uncle.
- What?

805
00:37:01,440 --> 00:37:04,523
And they came here in a, uh...
What was it?

806
00:37:04,800 --> 00:37:06,040
Hot tub time machine.

807
00:37:06,280 --> 00:37:07,327
That's right.

808
00:37:07,400 --> 00:37:08,447
Oh, okay.

809
00:37:08,520 --> 00:37:11,330
So I guess you came here
in hot tub time machine, too.

810
00:37:14,280 --> 00:37:15,281
Listen.

811
00:37:17,600 --> 00:37:19,887
- They're looking for my dad.
- What?

812
00:37:20,040 --> 00:37:22,122
- You have to go with them.
- Uh...

813
00:37:22,200 --> 00:37:24,806
Would you guys mind?
It would be really, really great

814
00:37:24,880 --> 00:37:26,370
to have my father at the wedding.

815
00:37:26,440 --> 00:37:27,487
Fuck that. Fuck that.

816
00:37:27,560 --> 00:37:29,369
No way in hell. No way in hell.

817
00:37:29,440 --> 00:37:30,601
You gotta let Adam go.

818
00:37:30,680 --> 00:37:32,921
I mean, this is exactly
the sort of thing that he needs.

819
00:37:33,000 --> 00:37:35,844
We've been together for 10 years.
He hardly ever goes out.

820
00:37:35,920 --> 00:37:37,331
He didn't even have a bachelor party.

821
00:37:37,440 --> 00:37:38,885
Honey, you're making me
seem a little stiff.

822
00:37:38,960 --> 00:37:39,961
Right.

823
00:37:40,040 --> 00:37:43,089
All right. Well, you have fun
and make good choices.

824
00:37:43,200 --> 00:37:45,043
- You're my best choice.
- You're my best choice.

825
00:37:45,120 --> 00:37:47,487
- No, you're my best choice.
- You're my bestest choice.

826
00:37:47,560 --> 00:37:49,244
No, you're my best choice!

827
00:37:49,360 --> 00:37:50,646
You're my best choice!

828
00:37:50,760 --> 00:37:53,331
You're. My. Best. Choice.

829
00:37:53,480 --> 00:37:55,244
- The fuck?
- Yeah, seriously.

830
00:37:55,600 --> 00:37:57,250
Guys, I'll be there in one second.

831
00:37:57,360 --> 00:38:00,170
You're. My. Best. Choice.

832
00:38:00,640 --> 00:38:03,928
Uh, so you guys
are my dad's full-on bros, huh?

833
00:38:04,120 --> 00:38:05,531
I always wondered
what my dad's full-on bros

834
00:38:05,600 --> 00:38:08,490
would be like and now...
Now I totally know.

835
00:38:08,560 --> 00:38:11,086
'Cause we're getting
some serious hang-time.

836
00:38:11,400 --> 00:38:12,401
Hey-

837
00:38:13,200 --> 00:38:16,647
You know what, I feel like we are
going to have an unforgettably...

838
00:38:16,720 --> 00:38:18,609
Dude, where the fuck are we going?

839
00:38:18,680 --> 00:38:20,091
Oh. Well, my mom used
to live near here,

840
00:38:20,160 --> 00:38:23,448
so I figured we'd go by her old building
and see if we can find a clue.

841
00:38:23,600 --> 00:38:26,729
Okay! Well, there's a 50-50 chance
I might murder your dad,

842
00:38:26,800 --> 00:38:28,211
so if you have a reunion speech,

843
00:38:28,280 --> 00:38:29,327
- keep it tight.
- Whoa!

844
00:38:29,400 --> 00:38:31,209
Holy shit!

845
00:38:31,600 --> 00:38:32,931
Wassup, man?

846
00:38:33,120 --> 00:38:34,849
No, no, no, no, no.

847
00:38:35,720 --> 00:38:37,404
There's no one driving that car.

848
00:38:42,320 --> 00:38:43,606
Yeah, it's a smart car.

849
00:38:43,680 --> 00:38:46,286
- Yeah, I can see that.
- No, it's a smart car.

850
00:38:46,400 --> 00:38:48,528
- It's self-driving.
- What?

851
00:38:48,760 --> 00:38:49,727
That's awesome!

852
00:38:49,800 --> 00:38:51,564
Now, see, this is
that future shit I'm talking about.

853
00:38:51,680 --> 00:38:52,920
How much that set you back?

854
00:38:53,160 --> 00:38:55,049
You guys are hilarious.

855
00:38:55,160 --> 00:38:57,527
I don't own it. I mean, no one does.

856
00:38:57,600 --> 00:38:58,931
You need a car, one shows up.

857
00:38:59,000 --> 00:39:00,047
Really?

858
00:39:00,120 --> 00:39:02,043
You're a wonderful car
and I appreciate you.

859
00:39:03,440 --> 00:39:04,441
Come on.

860
00:39:04,760 --> 00:39:07,445
So, this car runs on feelings.

861
00:39:07,520 --> 00:39:09,568
Yeah, I guess a six-year-old
would say that.

862
00:39:10,240 --> 00:39:11,401
- Oh?
- Burn.

863
00:39:11,480 --> 00:39:13,403
Really? Would a six-year-old say that?

864
00:39:15,520 --> 00:39:17,807
- What the fuck was that?
- Revved up on you.

865
00:39:17,880 --> 00:39:19,803
- Did he just rev up on me?
- He sure did.

866
00:39:20,040 --> 00:39:22,611
Hey! What's up?
You got a problem with me?

867
00:39:22,720 --> 00:39:25,291
You know what? I'll give you
the first punch, huh?

868
00:39:25,360 --> 00:39:26,486
Go ahead.

869
00:39:26,560 --> 00:39:28,847
Go ahead! Hit me!

870
00:39:29,160 --> 00:39:30,207
Come on!

871
00:39:30,320 --> 00:39:31,526
You're not a good car!

872
00:39:31,600 --> 00:39:35,571
You're not smart!
You're just a car!

873
00:39:36,840 --> 00:39:38,808
Okay. I don't think
it actually works that way.

874
00:39:38,880 --> 00:39:40,450
Like, you can't hurt its feelings.

875
00:39:40,520 --> 00:39:41,965
You're a wonderful car
and I appreciate you.

876
00:39:42,040 --> 00:39:43,644
Yeah, well, guess what?

877
00:39:43,720 --> 00:39:45,961
You can hurt my feelings, okay?

878
00:39:46,160 --> 00:39:47,810
- What?
- I'm walking.

879
00:39:49,880 --> 00:39:52,087
- Is he always like this?
- Pretty much.

880
00:39:52,240 --> 00:39:54,208
Does he have, like,
emotional problems?

881
00:39:54,280 --> 00:39:55,520
He's got a real serious drug problem.

882
00:39:55,600 --> 00:39:56,806
He got shot last night.

883
00:39:56,880 --> 00:39:58,882
- He's got that runt ball.
- His son hates him.

884
00:39:59,000 --> 00:40:00,331
That's fair to say, right?

885
00:40:00,400 --> 00:40:02,448
Yeah, yeah. He's a monster.

886
00:40:02,920 --> 00:40:04,570
I'd like to help him.

887
00:40:12,400 --> 00:40:15,370
Oh, hey, I'm sure you're sick of this,

888
00:40:15,840 --> 00:40:18,127
but will you sign my Dick Pad?

889
00:40:18,600 --> 00:40:20,728
Oh, you put your dick in there!

890
00:40:20,800 --> 00:40:22,040
It's a genius invention.

891
00:40:22,160 --> 00:40:23,969
I know, okay? I know.

892
00:40:24,120 --> 00:40:26,930
You put your whole mouth
inside your son's jerk-off machine.

893
00:40:27,000 --> 00:40:29,446
What does your son's penis taste like?

894
00:40:29,880 --> 00:40:31,041
Goddamn you.

895
00:40:31,120 --> 00:40:32,326
Was it delicious?

896
00:40:32,600 --> 00:40:35,251
Oh, hey, a friend of mine's some
sort a big shot over at Lougle.

897
00:40:35,320 --> 00:40:37,084
Brad Syed? He's coming to my wedding.

898
00:40:37,480 --> 00:40:38,481
- Brad?
- Hey.

899
00:40:38,920 --> 00:40:41,969
You guys should absolutely
come to my wedding.

900
00:40:42,160 --> 00:40:43,161
No.

901
00:40:43,240 --> 00:40:46,050
Oh, man, I wish we could,
but we're doing, uh...

902
00:40:46,120 --> 00:40:47,929
Motherfucker!

903
00:40:48,400 --> 00:40:50,528
Gary Winkle.

904
00:41:01,160 --> 00:41:03,208
Fuck him in the face.
Right in the fucking face.

905
00:41:03,280 --> 00:41:05,009
It's not about money,
it's about making money.

906
00:41:05,280 --> 00:41:06,566
Oh! Look who it...

907
00:41:06,640 --> 00:41:08,847
- Ahh!
- How are you rich, huh?

908
00:41:09,040 --> 00:41:11,088
How the fuck are you rich?

909
00:41:11,200 --> 00:41:12,804
- Oh, Lou...
- You killed me!

910
00:41:12,880 --> 00:41:14,882
I'm going to kill you
before you can kill me again!

911
00:41:15,040 --> 00:41:16,690
Okay. Whoa, whoa, whoa...

912
00:41:16,760 --> 00:41:21,129
That's hilarious.
Why would I kill you? I love you, man.

913
00:41:21,600 --> 00:41:22,601
What?

914
00:41:22,680 --> 00:41:25,490
Okay, okay, okay. All right. I'm fine.

915
00:41:25,680 --> 00:41:26,806
You not buying that land

916
00:41:26,920 --> 00:41:28,968
was the best thing
that ever happened to me.

917
00:41:29,160 --> 00:41:30,491
Because when Hurricane Beth
came through

918
00:41:32,880 --> 00:41:36,407
It turned this worthless piece of dirt
into a goldmine.

919
00:41:36,600 --> 00:41:37,647
What?

920
00:41:37,720 --> 00:41:39,210
So you didn't murder me?

921
00:41:39,280 --> 00:41:42,727
What are you talking about?
I love you, man.

922
00:41:44,320 --> 00:41:45,890
So, are you boys coming up or what?

923
00:41:45,960 --> 00:41:48,531
It's not a party unless
it's a Gary Winkle party.

924
00:41:48,640 --> 00:41:50,210
At Gary Winkle's.

925
00:41:50,680 --> 00:41:51,966
The Wink.

926
00:41:52,160 --> 00:41:54,401
- What are you doing?
- It's a double wink.

927
00:41:54,600 --> 00:41:55,647
Ah, technically, that's more of a blink.

928
00:41:55,720 --> 00:41:57,484
- That's a blink.
- You can't wink, can you?

929
00:41:57,600 --> 00:41:59,011
Of course I can wink.

930
00:41:59,160 --> 00:42:00,161
Prove it.

931
00:42:02,120 --> 00:42:03,121
Yeah.

932
00:42:03,560 --> 00:42:05,289
Let me do this. Hold on.

933
00:42:05,360 --> 00:42:07,488
Let me hold this open.
I'll hold this open.

934
00:42:07,920 --> 00:42:09,081
Now do it.

935
00:42:10,000 --> 00:42:10,967
See?

936
00:42:11,040 --> 00:42:12,121
Can we go to the fuckin' party now?

937
00:42:23,040 --> 00:42:24,530
Welcome to The Wink!

938
00:42:25,760 --> 00:42:27,888
Hey, jugglers, give my boys
anything they want...

939
00:42:28,640 --> 00:42:30,051
From that shelf down.

940
00:42:30,160 --> 00:42:32,606
- Lou, what are we doing here?
- You know.

941
00:42:32,680 --> 00:42:34,444
Winkle is not the killer. We gotta go.

942
00:42:34,520 --> 00:42:35,885
I don't care,
'cause there's cocaine right there.

943
00:42:35,960 --> 00:42:37,246
Didn't you see the cocaine?
Look, look, look.

944
00:42:37,320 --> 00:42:38,606
I see the cocaine. So what?

945
00:42:38,680 --> 00:42:40,444
Well, I'm going to do that.
So, first... And then...

946
00:42:40,520 --> 00:42:43,729
Look, I'm not flickering. Am I flickering?
You cannot say that I'm flickering.

947
00:42:43,800 --> 00:42:45,131
We're on a mission to save your life.

948
00:42:45,200 --> 00:42:46,929
You think I don't want
to roll my dick around some cocaine,

949
00:42:47,040 --> 00:42:48,166
- and get titty-slapped?
- Okay.

950
00:42:48,240 --> 00:42:50,481
Pop some bottles?
Do some crazy future shit?

951
00:42:50,560 --> 00:42:51,721
I'm trying to keep you from flickering.

952
00:42:51,800 --> 00:42:53,006
- What the fuck are you doing?
- Good talk.

953
00:42:53,080 --> 00:42:55,686
Thank you. And popping bottles,
that's old school.

954
00:42:55,800 --> 00:42:56,961
You bringing that back?

955
00:42:57,040 --> 00:42:58,201
Yeah.

956
00:42:58,280 --> 00:42:59,805
I like that. I like you.

957
00:43:01,360 --> 00:43:02,361
Uh-oh.

958
00:43:02,440 --> 00:43:03,851
What are these?
I don't care.

959
00:43:04,560 --> 00:43:07,609
Oh. So, Nick, listen, I was so sorry
to hear about you and Courtney.

960
00:43:07,960 --> 00:43:10,167
- What do you mean?
- Ah.

961
00:43:10,400 --> 00:43:12,562
Gotcha. Forget I even brought it up.

962
00:43:12,720 --> 00:43:14,245
No, no, no, really, what do you mean?

963
00:43:14,400 --> 00:43:16,289
I hear you loud and clear, man.

964
00:43:16,960 --> 00:43:18,644
I don't think you hear me at all.

965
00:43:18,720 --> 00:43:20,051
Hey, Sophie!

966
00:43:20,120 --> 00:43:21,724
There you are.

967
00:43:25,680 --> 00:43:27,250
I have a surprise for you.

968
00:43:27,400 --> 00:43:28,561
Oh. Uh...

969
00:43:28,800 --> 00:43:31,087
Sophie has a surprise for me.

970
00:43:31,560 --> 00:43:32,686
Bye, dude!

971
00:43:34,480 --> 00:43:37,006
I'll take a room-temperature
almond milk, please.

972
00:43:37,080 --> 00:43:40,050
No, actually,
I'll get a tangerine margarita.

973
00:43:40,280 --> 00:43:41,566
No. Scratch that.

974
00:43:41,680 --> 00:43:45,651
I'll take just an apricot sliced into fours.
And a kiwi.

975
00:43:45,720 --> 00:43:48,405
Do you have kiwi?
I'll take a kiwi, sliced up.

976
00:43:48,520 --> 00:43:50,090
A banana thrown in there.

977
00:43:50,160 --> 00:43:51,810
You know what? Dealer's choice.

978
00:43:51,880 --> 00:43:53,120
Just a fruit salad.

979
00:43:57,360 --> 00:43:58,930
Should we go somewhere more private?

980
00:44:00,440 --> 00:44:02,522
Jacob Dorchen wants privacy.

981
00:44:02,720 --> 00:44:04,131
That's so 2018.

982
00:44:04,200 --> 00:44:05,201
Right, right.

983
00:44:05,680 --> 00:44:07,489
No. Get that out of here.

984
00:44:08,120 --> 00:44:10,521
I mean,
I wouldn't mind a little something.

985
00:44:10,600 --> 00:44:12,443
Remember, we agreed?

986
00:44:13,600 --> 00:44:14,886
Look at your dad.

987
00:44:14,960 --> 00:44:17,406
You're not going down
that road anymore.

988
00:44:20,840 --> 00:44:23,161
Oh, God, I'm so good at that!

989
00:44:23,440 --> 00:44:24,680
Yes!

990
00:44:24,760 --> 00:44:26,808
It's Satan.

991
00:44:26,880 --> 00:44:28,325
Like, I'll finger your dog, I don't care.

992
00:44:28,400 --> 00:44:30,050
As a joke! As a joke!

993
00:44:30,240 --> 00:44:31,401
I have some advice for you.

994
00:44:31,520 --> 00:44:33,807
If you don't want to be
considered a sex offender,

995
00:44:33,880 --> 00:44:36,201
don't take a shit in a sandbox

996
00:44:36,280 --> 00:44:38,123
that happens to be in a playground.

997
00:44:38,200 --> 00:44:40,407
Okay? Don't do it. 'Cause guess what?

998
00:44:40,480 --> 00:44:43,324
You have two things, a record
and a fucking nickname.

999
00:44:43,480 --> 00:44:46,529
I know it's a potentially risky move...
Wedding sorbet!

1000
00:44:46,600 --> 00:44:48,329
- Mmm.
- As a palate cleanser, of course.

1001
00:44:48,400 --> 00:44:49,447
I mean, I'm not insane.

1002
00:44:49,840 --> 00:44:51,922
Oh, my God! Fuckin' A!
You're Nick Webber, man!

1003
00:44:52,040 --> 00:44:54,407
Let's take a picture!
I can't believe it's you, man.

1004
00:44:54,480 --> 00:44:55,481
I'm gonna send this to everyone.

1005
00:44:55,560 --> 00:44:57,562
- I'm gonna get, like, a billion views!
- Okay.

1006
00:44:57,640 --> 00:45:00,166
I remember when
I first heard that stupid song. I was like,

1007
00:45:00,240 --> 00:45:02,641
"Man, that song is so dumb."

1008
00:45:03,280 --> 00:45:04,406
Do the Strut.

1009
00:45:04,520 --> 00:45:05,760
- Do the Strut.
- No, I'm good.

1010
00:45:05,840 --> 00:45:06,966
You won't do the fucking song?

1011
00:45:07,120 --> 00:45:09,009
- You want to see the Strut?
- Whoa, whoa, whoa...

1012
00:45:09,080 --> 00:45:11,321
Hey, yo! Check this out!

1013
00:45:11,400 --> 00:45:13,926
Nick Webber's in the house,
so get ready for the original

1014
00:45:14,000 --> 00:45:16,128
Webber Strut!

1015
00:45:19,920 --> 00:45:21,684
Before that, let's back it up.

1016
00:45:21,760 --> 00:45:24,081
Six years ago, see where it all began.

1017
00:45:24,640 --> 00:45:27,530
<i>I made a lot of mistakes.
I've taken advantage.</i>

1018
00:45:27,800 --> 00:45:30,280
<i>And now I'm ready to be original.</i>

1019
00:45:30,520 --> 00:45:33,091
<i>This is dedicated to
those who never got to be,</i>

1020
00:45:33,160 --> 00:45:34,491
<i>because of me.</i>

1021
00:45:36,800 --> 00:45:39,121
<i>Strut to the time of the clock</i>

1022
00:45:39,360 --> 00:45:42,762
<i>It's midnight
Everybody strut right now</i>

1023
00:45:43,040 --> 00:45:44,804
<i>Nick Webber
Nick Webber</i>

1024
00:45:44,880 --> 00:45:46,689
<i>You don't know
but you think you know</i>

1025
00:45:46,840 --> 00:45:48,842
<i>Nick Webber
Nick Webber</i>

1026
00:45:49,200 --> 00:45:50,440
<i>You don't know, but you will</i>

1027
00:45:50,600 --> 00:45:54,571
<i>Everybody do the
Strut, strut, strut</i>

1028
00:45:54,800 --> 00:45:58,885
<i>Everybody do the
Strut, strut, strut</i>

1029
00:45:59,000 --> 00:46:00,206
<i>Everybody do the</i>

1030
00:46:06,200 --> 00:46:09,010
Oh.

1031
00:46:09,880 --> 00:46:13,521
Oh, this room is so much better
than the other room.

1032
00:46:17,040 --> 00:46:18,041
What?

1033
00:46:21,680 --> 00:46:22,681
No!

1034
00:46:23,520 --> 00:46:25,887
Look at him go. Chip off the old block.

1035
00:46:27,520 --> 00:46:28,681
Okay, be nice.

1036
00:46:28,760 --> 00:46:32,287
Be nice. Be nice. Be nice.
Be nice. Be nice. Be nice.

1037
00:46:32,360 --> 00:46:34,362
Hmm. Son!

1038
00:46:34,840 --> 00:46:37,923
Hey! What a coincidence!

1039
00:46:38,200 --> 00:46:41,204
Wondering where you ran off to,
but here you are.

1040
00:46:41,480 --> 00:46:42,561
Who let you in here?

1041
00:46:42,640 --> 00:46:44,085
Would you go find your murderer?

1042
00:46:44,160 --> 00:46:48,051
Think your old man can get in
on a little of this action? Or...

1043
00:46:48,120 --> 00:46:49,724
This is... This is a private party.

1044
00:46:49,840 --> 00:46:51,171
This one's mine.

1045
00:46:51,800 --> 00:46:53,325
What? Yes! See?

1046
00:46:53,480 --> 00:46:54,481
Ha! sun got it!

1047
00:46:54,880 --> 00:46:56,848
What are the, uh, house rules here?

1048
00:46:56,920 --> 00:46:58,001
I just want to know what to do.

1049
00:46:58,080 --> 00:47:01,801
I don't want to break any rules,
get chucked out right away, you know?

1050
00:47:01,920 --> 00:47:04,161
- That'd be fucked up.
- Touch me, you filthy vagrant.

1051
00:47:09,040 --> 00:47:10,690
Oh! Wait, what was that?

1052
00:47:10,760 --> 00:47:12,410
Nothing. It wasn't anything.

1053
00:47:12,480 --> 00:47:13,481
You just flickered.

1054
00:47:13,600 --> 00:47:14,931
No, I'd flickered? No, I didn't.

1055
00:47:15,000 --> 00:47:16,001
How did you do that?

1056
00:47:16,080 --> 00:47:17,525
He's threatening his own existence.

1057
00:47:17,600 --> 00:47:20,809
Lou, you can't be here,
'cause you're jeopardizing your future.

1058
00:47:20,880 --> 00:47:22,689
Would you mind
your own fucking beeswax?

1059
00:47:22,760 --> 00:47:24,364
Whatever. I'm over this.

1060
00:47:24,440 --> 00:47:26,841
No! No!

1061
00:47:26,920 --> 00:47:28,922
No, no!

1062
00:47:31,280 --> 00:47:34,841
Long story short, the caterer
did talk us into the Chateaubriand,

1063
00:47:34,920 --> 00:47:37,366
which, you know,
I'll admit, is a sexy side of beef.

1064
00:47:37,440 --> 00:47:38,407
Sounds like it.

1065
00:47:38,480 --> 00:47:40,209
And I think you know
where I'm going with this.

1066
00:47:40,280 --> 00:47:41,247
You thought wrong.

1067
00:47:41,320 --> 00:47:44,210
Horseradish station. That's right. We're
gonna have the white and the reds,

1068
00:47:44,280 --> 00:47:46,647
separate service, different intensity.

1069
00:47:46,720 --> 00:47:48,290
It's gonna be great...

1070
00:47:48,520 --> 00:47:49,806
Wait a second. Nick?

1071
00:47:50,120 --> 00:47:52,361
You should play our wedding.

1072
00:47:52,440 --> 00:47:54,807
People would love to see the Strut
in person.

1073
00:47:54,880 --> 00:47:56,086
I'm sure they would.

1074
00:47:56,160 --> 00:47:58,003
Hey, what do you guys
want from the party tray?

1075
00:47:58,080 --> 00:47:59,206
Me? Oh, uh...

1076
00:47:59,280 --> 00:48:01,647
I don't know.
I'm getting married tomorrow,

1077
00:48:01,720 --> 00:48:03,484
so I'm really trying to take it easy.

1078
00:48:03,600 --> 00:48:05,045
Yeah, you're getting married
for the rest of your life,

1079
00:48:05,120 --> 00:48:07,691
so why have any fun tonight at all?

1080
00:48:09,120 --> 00:48:10,531
- Oh!
- Yeah.

1081
00:48:10,600 --> 00:48:12,204
- Uncle Lou is right.
- Don't call me that.

1082
00:48:12,280 --> 00:48:14,044
Give me the craziest thing you got.

1083
00:48:14,160 --> 00:48:16,891
Someone sounds like he wants
the Electric Ladybug.

1084
00:48:16,960 --> 00:48:18,041
Ooh, the Electric...

1085
00:48:18,120 --> 00:48:19,246
- Oh.
- Stick it right there.

1086
00:48:19,320 --> 00:48:21,322
What... I'm sorry, what exactly is that?

1087
00:48:22,480 --> 00:48:24,289
Don't take it off for 24 hours.

1088
00:48:24,360 --> 00:48:26,931
Why can't I take it off for 24 hours?

1089
00:48:30,760 --> 00:48:32,489
Yeah. What's so funny?

1090
00:48:32,560 --> 00:48:34,881
Relax. Relax. It's just like baby aspirin.

1091
00:48:35,000 --> 00:48:38,243
Except more of a super-high
intensity psychotropic drug trip.

1092
00:48:44,640 --> 00:48:46,085
I promise you,

1093
00:48:47,520 --> 00:48:49,045
you're not gonna like this.

1094
00:48:52,680 --> 00:48:53,681
Bye-bye.

1095
00:48:57,000 --> 00:48:58,365
Horseradish.

1096
00:49:15,240 --> 00:49:16,969
Hello.

1097
00:49:17,040 --> 00:49:18,804
<i>I'm a god!</i>

1098
00:49:18,880 --> 00:49:21,087
<i>I'm a fucking god!</i>

1099
00:49:21,600 --> 00:49:22,761
<i>Whoo!</i>

1100
00:49:43,360 --> 00:49:44,725
Oh!

1101
00:50:19,480 --> 00:50:20,481
Shit.

1102
00:50:21,120 --> 00:50:24,249
Not in the dumpster. I owe you 50 bucks.

1103
00:50:24,480 --> 00:50:26,164
Hey, lick my pussy.

1104
00:50:28,360 --> 00:50:30,761
Just kidding, guys.
I'm up here. What's up?

1105
00:50:30,960 --> 00:50:32,041
What are you doing up there?

1106
00:50:32,120 --> 00:50:34,441
Why are you down there, stupid fuck?

1107
00:50:34,640 --> 00:50:36,449
You guys, last night,

1108
00:50:36,760 --> 00:50:38,125
my eyes

1109
00:50:39,280 --> 00:50:41,044
opened.
- Okay.

1110
00:50:41,320 --> 00:50:43,209
I'm telling you, you guys,
you got to get up here.

1111
00:50:43,640 --> 00:50:45,961
I mean, the way the sun
is just dancing off these leaves...

1112
00:50:46,080 --> 00:50:47,081
Mr. Webber.

1113
00:50:47,160 --> 00:50:48,730
Hi. I'm from Choozy Doozy.

1114
00:50:48,800 --> 00:50:50,040
I'm here to take you to the show.

1115
00:50:50,240 --> 00:50:51,241
Show?

1116
00:50:51,480 --> 00:50:52,527
Yeah.

1117
00:50:52,600 --> 00:50:53,761
How about that?

1118
00:50:53,960 --> 00:50:57,965
Nick Webber has a show in 2025.
Still got it!

1119
00:50:58,280 --> 00:51:01,170
Right, but, I mean, we can't go
because we have to solve his murder.

1120
00:51:01,280 --> 00:51:03,806
Come on! Look. Hey, not flickering.

1121
00:51:03,880 --> 00:51:05,644
Maybe it's a lead. It's a fun lead.

1122
00:51:05,720 --> 00:51:07,529
Until somebody goes back
in time and kills you.

1123
00:51:07,800 --> 00:51:08,847
I can't miss my gig.

1124
00:51:08,960 --> 00:51:12,169
Okay, Choozy Doozy
is my favorite show.

1125
00:51:12,240 --> 00:51:13,401
Wait, how did you find us?

1126
00:51:13,480 --> 00:51:14,845
I just go where the cars take me.

1127
00:51:15,160 --> 00:51:16,321
Okay, I'm coming down.

1128
00:51:16,400 --> 00:51:18,368
Do you think I can make
that dumpster, guys?

1129
00:51:18,440 --> 00:51:19,851
- No.
- No.

1130
00:51:19,920 --> 00:51:21,126
Yeah, I think I can probably make it.

1131
00:51:21,200 --> 00:51:22,929
Yes, yes, yes, yes! Come on!

1132
00:51:23,000 --> 00:51:24,240
Yeah, I think so, too, Lou. Thanks.

1133
00:51:24,320 --> 00:51:25,367
- Adam, stay right there.
- Stop. Adam!

1134
00:51:25,440 --> 00:51:26,851
- Come on!
- Baby Adam

1135
00:51:26,920 --> 00:51:27,921
You can!

1136
00:51:28,000 --> 00:51:29,126
Stop, Lou!

1137
00:51:29,200 --> 00:51:30,531
Here I go. I'm gonna jump.

1138
00:51:32,040 --> 00:51:33,087
Whoo!

1139
00:51:33,160 --> 00:51:34,161
Holy fuck...

1140
00:51:34,600 --> 00:51:35,726
Got you!

1141
00:51:37,400 --> 00:51:38,640
That was fucking awesome!

1142
00:51:38,720 --> 00:51:40,848
- Oh, my God!
- How did you even do that?

1143
00:51:41,360 --> 00:51:42,521
I'm strong as fuck.

1144
00:51:44,600 --> 00:51:45,761
<i>Get ready for mischief, mayhem,</i>

1145
00:51:45,840 --> 00:51:47,763
<i>plenty of truths and more than one dare!</i>

1146
00:51:47,840 --> 00:51:51,765
<i>This is</i> Celebrity Choozy Doozy!

1147
00:51:51,840 --> 00:51:52,887
<i>Now, please welcome back</i>

1148
00:51:52,960 --> 00:51:55,440
<i>the host of the show, Britt McShasaucey!</i>

1149
00:52:00,920 --> 00:52:02,843
Thank you very much for that, Gill!

1150
00:52:03,360 --> 00:52:06,762
Welcome to our show!
We got a very, very exciting

1151
00:52:06,920 --> 00:52:08,524
show planned for you tonight.

1152
00:52:08,720 --> 00:52:12,930
Please help me welcome back
to the stage, musical sensation,

1153
00:52:13,200 --> 00:52:15,601
Nick Webber!

1154
00:52:23,040 --> 00:52:24,166
<i>Hello?</i>

1155
00:52:24,240 --> 00:52:28,086
Hey, honey, guess where I am. Just guess.

1156
00:52:28,680 --> 00:52:30,728
Okay, shut up. I'm at Choozy Doozy.

1157
00:52:30,800 --> 00:52:32,131
<i>Where have you been?</i>

1158
00:52:32,200 --> 00:52:34,009
I tried to call you, like, a hundred times.

1159
00:52:34,080 --> 00:52:36,651
What was with that crazy phone call
last night?

1160
00:52:36,720 --> 00:52:38,563
<i>Crazy call? What do you mean?</i>

1161
00:52:38,640 --> 00:52:42,087
You don't remember calling me
and telling me that you were a god?

1162
00:52:42,560 --> 00:52:44,688
No. Does that sound like me?

1163
00:52:45,080 --> 00:52:47,765
Listen, I had the most amazing night.

1164
00:52:47,840 --> 00:52:49,649
I did everything.

1165
00:52:49,720 --> 00:52:52,405
I punched a man in the face.

1166
00:52:54,120 --> 00:52:56,202
Just punched him with my fist.

1167
00:52:56,280 --> 00:52:59,682
<i>I felt like an ape. Like an ape.</i>

1168
00:53:00,080 --> 00:53:03,209
I did Eskimo kisses
with this beautiful woman.

1169
00:53:03,280 --> 00:53:04,691
What are you talking about?

1170
00:53:04,760 --> 00:53:06,046
<i>Honey, have you ever felt</i>

1171
00:53:06,160 --> 00:53:11,246
that everything that you've experienced
and said up to this point is just a fraud?

1172
00:53:11,320 --> 00:53:12,685
Excuse me?

1173
00:53:12,760 --> 00:53:14,603
No. Okay, "fraud" is too strong a word.

1174
00:53:14,680 --> 00:53:17,968
It's more like a lie.

1175
00:53:19,240 --> 00:53:21,846
"Lie" is actually... It's not right, either.

1176
00:53:21,920 --> 00:53:23,729
It's kind of a hard concept to...

1177
00:53:24,600 --> 00:53:26,125
Okay, bye, honey-

1178
00:53:27,520 --> 00:53:29,807
All right, that went well.
That went really well.

1179
00:53:30,120 --> 00:53:33,090
Our studio audience
will have the opportunity

1180
00:53:33,160 --> 00:53:36,448
to challenge you to specific tasks.

1181
00:53:36,520 --> 00:53:39,444
The best idea shall prevail.

1182
00:53:39,520 --> 00:53:41,488
Because this is...

1183
00:53:41,560 --> 00:53:44,769
<i>Celebrity Choozy Doozy!</i>

1184
00:53:45,320 --> 00:53:46,651
What is that, exactly?

1185
00:53:46,720 --> 00:53:48,245
Let me hear some ideas
from the audience.

1186
00:53:48,320 --> 00:53:51,164
- Come on! We want some new ideas!
- Eat a bunch of waffles!

1187
00:53:51,240 --> 00:53:53,242
Eat a bunch of waffles.
Very, very nice choice.

1188
00:53:53,320 --> 00:53:54,321
Juggle knives!

1189
00:53:54,640 --> 00:53:56,005
Ooh! Very scary!

1190
00:53:56,080 --> 00:53:57,809
He could lose an arm!
That happened last week.

1191
00:53:58,000 --> 00:53:59,286
Swallow a watch!

1192
00:54:00,080 --> 00:54:01,445
Can you swallow a watch, Nick?

1193
00:54:01,800 --> 00:54:02,801
I hope not.

1194
00:54:03,160 --> 00:54:04,764
Fuck a dude!

1195
00:54:04,840 --> 00:54:05,921
Whoa!

1196
00:54:06,000 --> 00:54:07,047
Okay!

1197
00:54:08,640 --> 00:54:11,849
Say some more stuff!
Say something else!

1198
00:54:12,320 --> 00:54:13,401
Now, remember, folks,

1199
00:54:13,520 --> 00:54:16,330
when you see something you like,
you make your selection,

1200
00:54:16,560 --> 00:54:18,847
and it'll show up here on the board.

1201
00:54:19,280 --> 00:54:20,964
Uh, I don't want to fuck a dude.

1202
00:54:21,040 --> 00:54:22,166
Ah, you're adorable.

1203
00:54:25,040 --> 00:54:26,530
This is the best day of my life.

1204
00:54:26,600 --> 00:54:28,250
What the fuck's wrong with everybody?

1205
00:54:28,760 --> 00:54:32,446
Waffles, waffles.
It's a neck-and-neck with...

1206
00:54:33,560 --> 00:54:35,483
Oh! Oh, Well...

1207
00:54:35,600 --> 00:54:38,410
Look at that.

1208
00:54:38,480 --> 00:54:39,641
Oh, hell, no!

1209
00:54:39,720 --> 00:54:41,245
You just got very lucky, my friend,

1210
00:54:41,320 --> 00:54:42,845
because you were almost

1211
00:54:42,920 --> 00:54:45,127
about to have to eat
a whole bunch of waffles!

1212
00:54:45,200 --> 00:54:47,362
I'm willing to do that. I'm willing...
I'll eat the waffles.

1213
00:54:47,440 --> 00:54:48,521
Okay, now...

1214
00:54:49,160 --> 00:54:53,210
Who had the idea of this man
fornicating with a gentleman?

1215
00:54:53,280 --> 00:54:55,203
Over here! This guy!

1216
00:54:55,680 --> 00:54:56,761
What's your name, sir?

1217
00:54:57,200 --> 00:54:58,247
Lou Dorchen.

1218
00:54:58,320 --> 00:55:01,210
Well, Lou, as you know,
with Choozy Doozy...

1219
00:55:01,280 --> 00:55:04,489
You choose it, you dooze it!

1220
00:55:04,560 --> 00:55:06,722
You choose it, you dooze it.

1221
00:55:12,320 --> 00:55:13,890
I'm sorry. I dooze what now?

1222
00:55:13,960 --> 00:55:15,200
Oh, shit!

1223
00:55:15,280 --> 00:55:17,089
- Come on up here, Lou!
- This is crazy!

1224
00:55:17,160 --> 00:55:19,083
Stop smiling!

1225
00:55:21,680 --> 00:55:25,127
And, we're back with the <i>Celebrity
Choozy Doozy</i> challenge round.

1226
00:55:25,480 --> 00:55:28,802
We have Nick Webber along
with his pal, Lou Dorchen!

1227
00:55:29,240 --> 00:55:31,049
What exactly is this?

1228
00:55:31,120 --> 00:55:33,407
It's the number one show on TV.

1229
00:55:33,680 --> 00:55:35,842
Okay, load 'em up!

1230
00:55:40,120 --> 00:55:42,088
What the fuck?

1231
00:55:42,440 --> 00:55:43,771
I don't think this is real.

1232
00:55:46,720 --> 00:55:48,927
Yeah. It's like Lawnmower Man.

1233
00:55:49,120 --> 00:55:51,009
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah.

1234
00:55:51,080 --> 00:55:52,241
Just like Lawnmower Man,

1235
00:55:52,320 --> 00:55:53,606
except, you know,
we're supposed to fuck.

1236
00:55:53,680 --> 00:55:56,331
Yeah, well, that's not going to happen.

1237
00:55:57,760 --> 00:55:59,000
Bring me the thing!

1238
00:55:59,080 --> 00:56:00,127
Well...

1239
00:56:00,520 --> 00:56:02,727
I'm glad we're on the same page.

1240
00:56:04,560 --> 00:56:05,846
What's going on? Lou!

1241
00:56:07,040 --> 00:56:08,041
Oh...

1242
00:56:15,440 --> 00:56:16,851
Motherfucker!

1243
00:56:17,040 --> 00:56:18,201
This is getting a little dark.

1244
00:56:18,280 --> 00:56:19,805
Dark? What do you mean?

1245
00:56:19,880 --> 00:56:21,450
Okay, if this is the most popular show,

1246
00:56:21,520 --> 00:56:22,726
give me some of the other shows?

1247
00:56:22,800 --> 00:56:24,609
Yeah, of course.
There's <i>Toddler In The Wild,</i>

1248
00:56:24,680 --> 00:56:25,841
there's <i>Mommy, I'm Drowning,</i>

1249
00:56:25,920 --> 00:56:27,251
there's <i>Daddy, Where Are You Going?</i>

1250
00:56:27,360 --> 00:56:29,840
There's, um, <i>Building Explosion.</i>

1251
00:56:30,440 --> 00:56:31,965
<i>- Building Explosion?</i>
- Yeah, <i>Building Explosion</i>.

1252
00:56:32,040 --> 00:56:34,247
It just shows big buildings
falling down, and...

1253
00:56:34,320 --> 00:56:36,800
Kids, like, trapped in the basement,
and the building falls,

1254
00:56:36,880 --> 00:56:38,484
and they're like, "Ma, get me out of here."

1255
00:56:38,560 --> 00:56:40,847
And it shows them how
to get out in an emergency,

1256
00:56:40,920 --> 00:56:43,161
but also tells them when to give up.

1257
00:56:43,640 --> 00:56:44,641
Ah!

1258
00:56:44,760 --> 00:56:46,649
Bing bong! What's the delay?

1259
00:56:46,960 --> 00:56:48,644
Hey.

1260
00:56:48,920 --> 00:56:52,561
Hey. There's something
trying to kill us here.

1261
00:56:53,400 --> 00:56:56,244
That's 10,000 volts of electricity
coursing through the suits

1262
00:56:56,320 --> 00:56:58,687
that you're wearing back here
in the studio!

1263
00:56:59,080 --> 00:57:01,686
Every week,
it's the same goddamn thing.

1264
00:57:02,160 --> 00:57:04,527
It's guy on guy, girl on girl.

1265
00:57:04,960 --> 00:57:07,201
Sometimes it's even guy on girl.

1266
00:57:08,680 --> 00:57:09,886
What is the big deal

1267
00:57:09,960 --> 00:57:11,644
with the two of you boys
sleeping together?

1268
00:57:11,720 --> 00:57:14,530
You're acting like it's 2010,
for Christ's sakes.

1269
00:57:15,160 --> 00:57:18,846
Now, we got a show to do, boys!
So start fucking!

1270
00:57:19,160 --> 00:57:20,605
Dude, is there, like,
a stage manager around?

1271
00:57:20,680 --> 00:57:21,920
I mean, they're gonna kill these guys.

1272
00:57:22,040 --> 00:57:23,485
Hey, I'm sorry. Look.

1273
00:57:23,560 --> 00:57:26,131
If you're gonna sit next to me,
I need to know right now,

1274
00:57:26,200 --> 00:57:28,362
do you have a problem with this show?

1275
00:57:28,440 --> 00:57:30,283
Well, yeah, clearly I have
a problem with this show.

1276
00:57:30,360 --> 00:57:31,691
I mean, look, this is grotesque.

1277
00:57:31,800 --> 00:57:33,768
Jacob. This is a great show.

1278
00:57:33,840 --> 00:57:35,285
This is the number one show
in the nation.

1279
00:57:35,360 --> 00:57:37,362
This is a show that families enjoy.

1280
00:57:37,440 --> 00:57:39,169
- Okay?
- This is a family show?

1281
00:57:39,240 --> 00:57:41,163
- Absolutely.
- Like, it's on at, like, 8:00?

1282
00:57:41,240 --> 00:57:44,210
It's on at 7:00 on Sunday nights
against Butthole Nation.

1283
00:57:44,280 --> 00:57:45,884
And it always wins.

1284
00:57:52,480 --> 00:57:54,130
Classic Lou.

1285
00:57:59,040 --> 00:58:00,201
Okay.

1286
00:58:04,720 --> 00:58:06,563
Okay.

1287
00:58:07,560 --> 00:58:08,800
I'm sorry, Lou.

1288
00:58:08,920 --> 00:58:11,491
I know you are, buddy! I know!

1289
00:58:12,000 --> 00:58:13,286
I know. I love you, man!

1290
00:58:13,360 --> 00:58:14,521
Don't say that!

1291
00:58:14,600 --> 00:58:16,568
I don't wanna have an emotional
connection to this moment!

1292
00:58:16,720 --> 00:58:19,451
What... Oh, God forbid
a couple of friends

1293
00:58:19,520 --> 00:58:21,568
can't express
their brotherly love for each other!

1294
00:58:21,640 --> 00:58:22,641
I love you.

1295
00:58:22,720 --> 00:58:24,131
I told you to stop saying that!

1296
00:58:24,200 --> 00:58:26,328
I'm so sorry!

1297
00:58:26,960 --> 00:58:28,849
So there are no more sex taboos?

1298
00:58:29,000 --> 00:58:30,365
Well, I guess bestiality.

1299
00:58:30,440 --> 00:58:33,205
But only from
a community property perspective.

1300
00:58:33,760 --> 00:58:35,250
What do you... What do you mean?

1301
00:58:35,760 --> 00:58:37,683
Oh, you don't remember
<i>Llama v. Ferguson</i>?

1302
00:58:37,760 --> 00:58:39,000
Guy tries to divorce a llama,

1303
00:58:39,080 --> 00:58:42,004
and the land is in dispute
because the llama needs to graze?

1304
00:58:43,320 --> 00:58:45,448
But people still eat animals, right?

1305
00:58:45,520 --> 00:58:48,603
Oh, yeah, absolutely. And animals
eat people, it's all the same.

1306
00:58:50,440 --> 00:58:53,523
You got a tuft of hair
coming out your crack.

1307
00:58:53,600 --> 00:58:55,204
Don't fuckin' worry about it, okay?

1308
00:58:55,280 --> 00:58:57,328
I'll get your grooming tips later.

1309
00:58:57,400 --> 00:58:58,481
- Are you ready?
- Yeah.

1310
00:58:58,560 --> 00:58:59,766
Okay. I love you.

1311
00:59:00,800 --> 00:59:04,202
All right! Put it in slow!

1312
00:59:04,280 --> 00:59:05,964
Really slow!

1313
00:59:06,480 --> 00:59:07,606
One...

1314
00:59:08,280 --> 00:59:09,566
Two...

1315
00:59:09,640 --> 00:59:11,244
- Take that dick.
- What the fuck?

1316
00:59:11,360 --> 00:59:12,646
Come on! It's just something I say.

1317
00:59:12,720 --> 00:59:13,926
"Take that dick"?

1318
00:59:14,960 --> 00:59:16,962
Wait, hold on! Stop, stop, stop!

1319
00:59:20,960 --> 00:59:22,246
Oh!

1320
00:59:22,320 --> 00:59:24,607
Looks like somebody chose a lifeline!

1321
00:59:24,800 --> 00:59:26,370
Me! Me! I did it! I chose it!

1322
00:59:26,440 --> 00:59:28,442
Who will the lucky winner be?

1323
00:59:28,640 --> 00:59:29,846
What happens? Do we get waffles?

1324
00:59:30,000 --> 00:59:31,286
- What happened?
- It's a lifeline,

1325
00:59:31,400 --> 00:59:33,050
so the chooser picks a new doozer.

1326
00:59:33,120 --> 00:59:34,884
You gotta choose someone, Lou.

1327
00:59:34,960 --> 00:59:36,530
Choose waffles.

1328
00:59:36,600 --> 00:59:37,567
Oh.

1329
00:59:37,840 --> 00:59:38,921
Okay, I get it. I get it.

1330
00:59:39,000 --> 00:59:40,570
All right. All right. Uh...

1331
00:59:40,680 --> 00:59:44,162
Yeah, I know just the guy.
He loves this show.

1332
00:59:46,880 --> 00:59:47,881
Oh!

1333
00:59:48,160 --> 00:59:49,571
Oh, no, no, no. I'm...

1334
00:59:49,640 --> 00:59:52,291
I'm actually getting married tonight,
so I can't.

1335
00:59:53,520 --> 00:59:55,090
It's actually an issue of fidelity.

1336
00:59:55,320 --> 00:59:56,560
I cannot do this.

1337
00:59:56,640 --> 00:59:58,005
You're a monster, Lou.

1338
01:00:04,320 --> 01:00:05,321
What's up?

1339
01:00:05,640 --> 01:00:07,165
Get ready, 'cause here it comes.

1340
01:00:07,240 --> 01:00:08,287
Here what comes?

1341
01:00:12,360 --> 01:00:13,361
<i>That's my butt!</i>

1342
01:00:15,480 --> 01:00:18,484
Wow! That was good TV.

1343
01:00:20,720 --> 01:00:22,404
You know what, Adam, I thought about it.

1344
01:00:22,480 --> 01:00:24,767
You can call me Uncle Lou now.

1345
01:00:24,840 --> 01:00:27,161
Holy shit! Did you see that?

1346
01:00:27,480 --> 01:00:29,164
You're a fucking lunatic!

1347
01:00:29,240 --> 01:00:31,242
- Was that the same car?
- Couldn't be.

1348
01:00:31,320 --> 01:00:32,845
That car tried to
run me down on purpose.

1349
01:00:32,920 --> 01:00:34,126
Did you see that?

1350
01:00:35,720 --> 01:00:37,370
What if that car's my murderer?

1351
01:00:37,480 --> 01:00:39,289
You were shot in the dick in the past,
remember?

1352
01:00:39,360 --> 01:00:41,328
Oh, like that would be
the craziest fucking thing

1353
01:00:41,400 --> 01:00:43,323
that's ever happened to us.
That car's an asshole.

1354
01:00:43,400 --> 01:00:46,006
The car's not an asshole.
You're an asshole.

1355
01:00:46,680 --> 01:00:48,648
Whoa. Where'd that come from?

1356
01:00:48,720 --> 01:00:52,122
Everything is all about Lou.
No regard for anybody else.

1357
01:00:52,200 --> 01:00:54,521
I'm pretty sure that's never
been the case at all, ever.

1358
01:00:54,600 --> 01:00:56,841
Because of you, Adam just got raped.

1359
01:00:57,160 --> 01:00:58,491
Are we calling it a rape?

1360
01:00:58,560 --> 01:01:00,050
Whoa! Nobody got raped.

1361
01:01:00,200 --> 01:01:01,611
It felt like kind of a gray area.

1362
01:01:01,760 --> 01:01:03,330
You're a fucking virus, Lou.

1363
01:01:03,520 --> 01:01:05,010
You find a vulnerable host,

1364
01:01:05,480 --> 01:01:08,165
and you attach yourself
and you just fuck 'em all up.

1365
01:01:08,240 --> 01:01:09,366
Okay.

1366
01:01:09,560 --> 01:01:13,201
Okay. Someone needs
to find a chill-out tent.

1367
01:01:13,440 --> 01:01:15,522
Let's get you a comfy couch and
a video game. What do you say?

1368
01:01:15,600 --> 01:01:18,888
Where does it say in the Shitty Parent's
Handbook to treat your son like shit?

1369
01:01:18,960 --> 01:01:20,564
Well, if it's a Shitty Parent's Handbook,

1370
01:01:20,640 --> 01:01:23,086
wouldn't it be, like,
the theme of the whole book?

1371
01:01:23,200 --> 01:01:25,043
- No, he's right. Wait.
- No, no, no.

1372
01:01:25,160 --> 01:01:27,766
It's a step-by-step guide
for how to be a shitty parent.

1373
01:01:28,240 --> 01:01:30,402
<i>- Exactly.
- Shitty Parenting for Dummies.</i>

1374
01:01:30,480 --> 01:01:32,448
Okay. You're right. I apologize.

1375
01:01:32,520 --> 01:01:34,284
I apologize. You were totally wrong.

1376
01:01:34,360 --> 01:01:35,566
No, why would someone write that book?

1377
01:01:35,640 --> 01:01:37,085
Why would that book exist?

1378
01:01:37,160 --> 01:01:38,685
Actually, Nick's idea about retitling it

1379
01:01:38,760 --> 01:01:40,888
<i>Shitty Parenting for Dummies</i>
is a solid idea.

1380
01:01:40,960 --> 01:01:43,088
- If you want to use the metaphor again.
- It's an impulse buy.

1381
01:01:43,160 --> 01:01:45,083
All right, you know what?
Forget it. You're right, that's fair.

1382
01:01:45,160 --> 01:01:47,049
It was a misleading title.
But the point is...

1383
01:01:47,120 --> 01:01:48,406
Fuck you!

1384
01:01:48,480 --> 01:01:50,721
If they're not gonna say it, I will.

1385
01:01:50,800 --> 01:01:54,168
I am so tired of solving your problems.

1386
01:01:54,240 --> 01:01:56,481
You wanna stop your murder,
figure it out yourself.

1387
01:01:56,560 --> 01:01:57,561
I'm going to Winkle's.

1388
01:01:57,640 --> 01:01:59,563
- Jacob, what the fuck?
- Youngblood!

1389
01:01:59,640 --> 01:02:02,041
No. You know why?
'Cause as long as we're here,

1390
01:02:02,120 --> 01:02:05,681
I'm Jacob fucking Dorchen!
And that means something.

1391
01:02:05,760 --> 01:02:07,888
Jacob, come on!

1392
01:02:07,960 --> 01:02:09,485
Youngblood, we got to figure this out.

1393
01:02:09,600 --> 01:02:12,285
You're the only one
keeping track of important stuff!

1394
01:02:13,120 --> 01:02:14,121
I mean...

1395
01:02:14,440 --> 01:02:15,487
You know what? Fuck it. Fuck it.

1396
01:02:15,600 --> 01:02:17,443
Who cares? Who needs him?
I don't need him.

1397
01:02:17,640 --> 01:02:19,369
Hey, I'm getting married today, guys.

1398
01:02:19,440 --> 01:02:21,249
What do you say we kick this day
in the pants

1399
01:02:21,320 --> 01:02:24,290
and get over there early
for some Bloody Mary-tinis?

1400
01:02:24,360 --> 01:02:25,964
I'm sorry. Can I just get rid of this thing?

1401
01:02:26,040 --> 01:02:28,520
No! She said not to
take it off for 24 hours.

1402
01:02:28,640 --> 01:02:29,926
- Or what?
- I don't know.

1403
01:02:30,000 --> 01:02:32,162
Yeah, exactly.
If I had a dime for every time

1404
01:02:32,240 --> 01:02:34,971
I did something a cocktail waitress
told me not to do,

1405
01:02:35,040 --> 01:02:36,530
I'd be rich. Look.

1406
01:02:39,640 --> 01:02:41,005
On!

1407
01:02:41,160 --> 01:02:43,322
Oh, my God,
the cocktail waitress was wrong.

1408
01:02:43,520 --> 01:02:44,487
Sorry, my mistake.

1409
01:02:44,560 --> 01:02:45,925
I should listen to you more often, Lou.

1410
01:02:46,120 --> 01:02:47,281
All right.

1411
01:02:47,360 --> 01:02:48,521
You just learned a valuable life lesson.

1412
01:02:48,600 --> 01:02:49,761
I did.

1413
01:02:52,600 --> 01:02:53,567
Guys?

1414
01:02:54,320 --> 01:02:55,481
Come on.

1415
01:02:57,000 --> 01:02:58,047
Mmm...

1416
01:03:01,240 --> 01:03:03,925
Ew, God. So...

1417
01:03:06,840 --> 01:03:08,729
- 911, right?
- Yeah.

1418
01:03:18,360 --> 01:03:19,361
Ugh.

1419
01:03:19,520 --> 01:03:21,522
Fucking disgusting, dude!

1420
01:03:21,840 --> 01:03:24,081
Okay, you're sick. You made your point.

1421
01:03:24,200 --> 01:03:26,521
Come on, Lou,
you know he can't help it.

1422
01:03:26,680 --> 01:03:27,681
You okay, buddy?

1423
01:03:28,920 --> 01:03:31,207
Okay, this is becoming
a bit of a hygiene issue.

1424
01:03:31,440 --> 01:03:33,522
All right, let's see what we have here.

1425
01:03:33,640 --> 01:03:35,483
Okay, yeah.

1426
01:03:37,040 --> 01:03:38,121
Kel.

1427
01:03:38,280 --> 01:03:39,611
Come on, really?

1428
01:03:39,680 --> 01:03:42,809
Divorced? What the fuck
are you talking about?

1429
01:03:42,920 --> 01:03:44,285
Kelly, we're soul mates.

1430
01:03:45,440 --> 01:03:46,805
Not anymore.

1431
01:03:48,040 --> 01:03:50,327
- Mommy?
- No, I'm not your mommy.

1432
01:03:51,040 --> 01:03:53,202
- Homie?
- Yeah, I'm your homie.

1433
01:03:54,360 --> 01:03:55,441
Was it... Was it something you did?

1434
01:03:55,560 --> 01:03:57,801
If so, I don't care.
I don't care. I forgive you.

1435
01:03:57,880 --> 01:03:59,370
Put this in his mouth.

1436
01:03:59,480 --> 01:04:01,721
If you don't communicate with me,
I can't fix this!

1437
01:04:01,800 --> 01:04:02,961
You can't fix anything.

1438
01:04:03,280 --> 01:04:06,170
Hey, bite down on this. Good. Okay.

1439
01:04:06,240 --> 01:04:07,321
What's going on?

1440
01:04:07,560 --> 01:04:08,561
Here we go.

1441
01:04:10,360 --> 01:04:11,407
Okay.

1442
01:04:12,240 --> 01:04:13,730
Oh, that's actually not bad.

1443
01:04:13,800 --> 01:04:15,290
You know, it's, like, kind of sweet.

1444
01:04:15,720 --> 01:04:17,131
What's happening to him?

1445
01:04:17,240 --> 01:04:18,446
Oh, this is totally normal.

1446
01:04:18,560 --> 01:04:20,164
The nanobots are attacking
the narcotics.

1447
01:04:20,640 --> 01:04:22,085
How long has he been on heroin?

1448
01:04:22,400 --> 01:04:23,401
It was a Ladybug.

1449
01:04:23,720 --> 01:04:25,563
- Wait, the sticker?
- Yeah, on the neck.

1450
01:04:26,080 --> 01:04:28,481
Yeah. We normally give Tylenol for that.

1451
01:04:28,760 --> 01:04:30,000
I just pumped him full of...

1452
01:04:30,080 --> 01:04:31,525
Narcotic-seeking nanobots?

1453
01:04:31,600 --> 01:04:32,965
- Yeah.
- Whoops.

1454
01:04:33,080 --> 01:04:34,844
You're a great listener.
I should have married you.

1455
01:04:35,080 --> 01:04:36,684
Look, Kel, I'm sorry, okay?

1456
01:04:38,240 --> 01:04:39,446
I'm sorry.

1457
01:04:40,680 --> 01:04:42,091
Can we just move on?

1458
01:04:42,200 --> 01:04:44,521
I did move on, Lou. I got clean.

1459
01:04:44,760 --> 01:04:46,762
You're the one who doesn't
have a rock bottom.

1460
01:04:47,000 --> 01:04:49,082
I just pray that
there's still hope for Jacob.

1461
01:04:51,080 --> 01:04:52,206
This ain't a circus!

1462
01:04:52,280 --> 01:04:54,601
Quick juggling
and make some fucking drinks!

1463
01:04:54,840 --> 01:04:56,205
Hey! Jake the Snake!

1464
01:04:56,920 --> 01:04:58,445
Hey, is it still day out there?

1465
01:04:58,520 --> 01:04:59,931
Who gives a shit? What can I get you?

1466
01:05:00,120 --> 01:05:01,531
I'll take everything!

1467
01:05:03,360 --> 01:05:04,361
You sure about that?

1468
01:05:04,440 --> 01:05:05,965
'Cause, remember what
happened last time?

1469
01:05:06,120 --> 01:05:07,531
Everything.

1470
01:05:08,120 --> 01:05:09,281
Okay.

1471
01:05:09,800 --> 01:05:12,451
All right!
Set Mr. Dorchen up with the usual...

1472
01:05:12,520 --> 01:05:14,807
And, you know, call security.

1473
01:05:15,280 --> 01:05:17,044
The nanobots can't find any drugs,

1474
01:05:17,120 --> 01:05:18,804
so they're traveling to
the lowest part of his body,

1475
01:05:18,880 --> 01:05:20,370
where they'll harden and expand.

1476
01:05:20,440 --> 01:05:22,727
- His feet?
- In his testicles.

1477
01:05:22,800 --> 01:05:24,802
Well, that hardly seems like
the lowest part of his body.

1478
01:05:25,880 --> 01:05:28,042
- Shit!
- What's happening?

1479
01:05:28,280 --> 01:05:29,645
Okay. It's now or never.

1480
01:05:29,720 --> 01:05:30,801
What are you doing?

1481
01:05:30,960 --> 01:05:32,724
Whoa, whoa, whoa!

1482
01:05:32,800 --> 01:05:33,801
What is that?

1483
01:05:33,880 --> 01:05:34,961
What you gonna do with that?

1484
01:05:35,040 --> 01:05:36,041
Stick him! Stick him!

1485
01:05:42,040 --> 01:05:43,166
Oh, shit!

1486
01:05:47,480 --> 01:05:48,606
That's a lot of juice!

1487
01:05:48,680 --> 01:05:50,011
Okay! Enough!

1488
01:05:50,640 --> 01:05:52,324
Now what's gonna happen,
I'm going to pull this out,

1489
01:05:52,400 --> 01:05:53,765
and there might be some leakage, okay?

1490
01:05:53,840 --> 01:05:55,490
Don't pull it out. Don't pull it out.

1491
01:05:55,560 --> 01:05:57,688
- I like it where it is.
- One, two, three...

1492
01:05:59,400 --> 01:06:01,050
Ha! Ah!

1493
01:06:03,520 --> 01:06:05,090
- Oh, wow! Okay.
- Fuck your ball juice!

1494
01:06:06,320 --> 01:06:08,891
Oh, I walked right into that one.
Literally.

1495
01:06:09,640 --> 01:06:11,642
Oh, I don't know about you guys,
but I feel way better.

1496
01:06:12,000 --> 01:06:13,684
There's definitely semen in that.

1497
01:06:14,000 --> 01:06:16,082
There's definitely fucking semen in that.

1498
01:06:16,520 --> 01:06:19,364
Did you taste the robots? They're gritty.

1499
01:06:23,200 --> 01:06:25,521
Oh, fucking bottle service.

1500
01:06:25,680 --> 01:06:27,444
Hey!

1501
01:06:32,880 --> 01:06:34,530
Every fucking weekend.

1502
01:06:34,800 --> 01:06:36,131
Hey, baby.

1503
01:06:36,600 --> 01:06:38,807
You're a fuck-up, Jacob.

1504
01:06:39,440 --> 01:06:41,010
Just like your loser dad.

1505
01:06:41,080 --> 01:06:43,401
I'm not anything like my fucking dad!

1506
01:06:49,560 --> 01:06:51,164
No... Oh, no, wait, wait, wait.

1507
01:06:52,720 --> 01:06:55,087
Wait.

1508
01:06:56,080 --> 01:06:58,447
I know how this looks.

1509
01:06:59,040 --> 01:07:01,247
No. You don't.

1510
01:07:06,560 --> 01:07:09,564
You see my son? Do you know my son?

1511
01:07:10,720 --> 01:07:12,085
Jacob!

1512
01:07:12,320 --> 01:07:15,324
Has anybody seen
a grown-up Garbage Pail Kid?

1513
01:07:17,240 --> 01:07:18,241
There's Winkle.

1514
01:07:18,400 --> 01:07:21,006
I pay you girls to like me.
Hey, smile!

1515
01:07:21,080 --> 01:07:22,605
Hey!

1516
01:07:23,080 --> 01:07:25,242
Uh-oh!
Electric Ladybug, huh?

1517
01:07:25,320 --> 01:07:27,084
- Fuck you, dude!
- Yeah.

1518
01:07:27,160 --> 01:07:28,321
Hey, how you doing?

1519
01:07:28,400 --> 01:07:29,970
I'm doing fucking shitty, Gary.

1520
01:07:30,160 --> 01:07:33,004
Still haven't found my killer,
and there's a car trying to run me down.

1521
01:07:33,080 --> 01:07:34,081
I hear you there, brother.

1522
01:07:34,200 --> 01:07:35,929
I had a Passat follow me
around for three weeks one time.

1523
01:07:36,080 --> 01:07:37,605
Had to buy it rims to make it go away.

1524
01:07:37,840 --> 01:07:39,205
You know what I'm talking about, huh?

1525
01:07:39,280 --> 01:07:40,281
Where's Jacob?

1526
01:07:40,360 --> 01:07:42,044
Oh, I had to throw him out,
like I always do.

1527
01:07:42,160 --> 01:07:43,321
You know what I mean?

1528
01:07:43,440 --> 01:07:45,886
He said something about going
to see his family therapist,

1529
01:07:45,960 --> 01:07:47,121
whoever the fuck that is.

1530
01:07:50,800 --> 01:07:52,404
I know where he is.

1531
01:08:04,120 --> 01:08:05,804
I'm not that strong.

1532
01:08:11,960 --> 01:08:13,291
Hey, son.

1533
01:08:14,640 --> 01:08:16,165
It's Daddy.

1534
01:08:31,000 --> 01:08:33,571
It's a nice... Nice place.

1535
01:08:33,640 --> 01:08:35,244
Yeah, yeah.

1536
01:08:35,320 --> 01:08:38,324
I mean, like, as far as rooms go,
this is one of the biggest.

1537
01:08:38,560 --> 01:08:39,686
A great room is a great room.

1538
01:08:39,840 --> 01:08:41,490
I could see myself chilling here.

1539
01:08:41,760 --> 01:08:44,331
Right. Throwing some football.

1540
01:08:44,560 --> 01:08:46,403
Having a football match right
in the middle of the floor.

1541
01:08:46,680 --> 01:08:49,411
Football, basketball,
you know, just all the sports.

1542
01:08:49,680 --> 01:08:51,682
I'm so comfortable
and relaxed right now.

1543
01:08:51,760 --> 01:08:53,046
Me, too.

1544
01:08:54,160 --> 01:08:55,207
- Hey, Adam...
- Yeah.

1545
01:08:55,360 --> 01:08:56,361
...about what happened
at <i>Choozy Doozy</i>...

1546
01:08:56,520 --> 01:08:59,603
No, it was... You know, it was virtual.

1547
01:09:00,000 --> 01:09:02,002
Yeah. Virtual.

1548
01:09:03,720 --> 01:09:04,767
It's in the ether.

1549
01:09:04,840 --> 01:09:06,683
- It does not exist.
- Who cares?

1550
01:09:07,000 --> 01:09:08,001
That shit happened.

1551
01:09:08,200 --> 01:09:09,690
Yeah, we should get
that show cancelled.

1552
01:09:09,760 --> 01:09:11,205
Or at least arrest someone.

1553
01:09:11,360 --> 01:09:13,124
I could've ate some goddamn waffles.

1554
01:09:13,840 --> 01:09:17,367
It's like you shoved
a fucking Buick up my butt.

1555
01:09:17,600 --> 01:09:19,682
I got a Buick dick.

1556
01:09:20,040 --> 01:09:21,371
You do.

1557
01:09:22,360 --> 01:09:24,601
Shit got bad, Lou.

1558
01:09:24,720 --> 01:09:27,121
I mean bad like the part
of <i>Boogie Nights</i>

1559
01:09:27,200 --> 01:09:29,726
after Mark Wahlberg jerks off
in the pickup truck.

1560
01:09:30,040 --> 01:09:32,361
I mean, here we are,
with the greatest power

1561
01:09:32,480 --> 01:09:35,051
the universe has to offer
at our fingertips

1562
01:09:35,560 --> 01:09:38,723
and we're just a bunch of fuck-ups.

1563
01:09:40,200 --> 01:09:43,409
Jacob, I know what you're going through.

1564
01:09:43,480 --> 01:09:46,165
Yeah, I know that you do.
You're the biggest fuck-up I know.

1565
01:09:46,400 --> 01:09:47,811
Look.

1566
01:09:50,560 --> 01:09:52,608
You know, all Dorchen men
end up on a roof

1567
01:09:52,720 --> 01:09:54,484
at some point in their lives.

1568
01:09:54,560 --> 01:09:57,370
We party till we want to kill ourselves.
My dad did it.

1569
01:09:57,720 --> 01:09:59,324
And your son will do it after you.

1570
01:09:59,560 --> 01:10:01,005
Even Grandpappy Dorchen?

1571
01:10:01,720 --> 01:10:04,246
Jumped off a roof, survived,
died of syphilis.

1572
01:10:07,080 --> 01:10:09,367
Jacob, how can we expect
to find happiness

1573
01:10:09,440 --> 01:10:12,091
anywhere in time
if we're just not happy people?

1574
01:10:13,600 --> 01:10:15,602
We do the best that we can.

1575
01:10:21,240 --> 01:10:23,322
Here comes the hug monster.

1576
01:10:29,920 --> 01:10:32,844
All right. Come on.
Let's go do some more dumb shit.

1577
01:10:36,680 --> 01:10:37,966
- Whoa!
- I got you!

1578
01:10:38,040 --> 01:10:39,690
- Lou, don't drop me!
- I got you!

1579
01:10:39,760 --> 01:10:40,841
Don't drop me!

1580
01:10:40,960 --> 01:10:42,041
I'm not gonna let you fall, I promise.

1581
01:10:42,120 --> 01:10:43,360
- I trust you.
- Okay.

1582
01:10:43,600 --> 01:10:44,601
Oh, fuck, I'm gonna drop you!

1583
01:10:44,680 --> 01:10:45,727
Don't drop me! Don't drop me!

1584
01:10:45,800 --> 01:10:46,961
I'm dropping you! You fell!

1585
01:10:47,040 --> 01:10:48,690
Fuck you!

1586
01:10:48,800 --> 01:10:50,006
No!

1587
01:10:50,960 --> 01:10:53,645
<i>Suicide prevention activated.</i>

1588
01:10:53,880 --> 01:10:55,882
Oh, look at that. Force field.

1589
01:10:56,040 --> 01:10:57,121
Oh, this is a great call.

1590
01:10:57,200 --> 01:10:58,611
I must have invented that.

1591
01:10:58,800 --> 01:11:01,121
Seriously. Thank you, Dad.

1592
01:11:01,480 --> 01:11:02,811
My pleasure, son.

1593
01:11:03,120 --> 01:11:05,122
- Is it fun?
- Yeah, it's kind of fun.

1594
01:11:05,400 --> 01:11:08,131
You know what?
I'm coming down, too! Yay!

1595
01:11:10,240 --> 01:11:12,402
Guys, guys, guys, come on!

1596
01:11:12,720 --> 01:11:14,404
We got a murder to solve here, huh?

1597
01:11:14,480 --> 01:11:16,164
Let's think. It's not Winkle.

1598
01:11:16,480 --> 01:11:17,641
It's obviously not Jacob.

1599
01:11:17,720 --> 01:11:18,721
- Right?
- Hey.

1600
01:11:18,800 --> 01:11:20,211
- No? Right.
- Come on. Come on.

1601
01:11:20,320 --> 01:11:21,970
All right. Okay.

1602
01:11:23,840 --> 01:11:26,411
<i>Some curious news out
of the tech sector today.</i>

1603
01:11:26,480 --> 01:11:29,051
<i>A new synthetic element
has been developed.</i>

1604
01:11:29,160 --> 01:11:32,084
<i>The new element invented
by Brad Syed of Lougle Labs,</i>

1605
01:11:32,160 --> 01:11:35,323
<i>is tentatively being
called nitrotrinadium.</i>

1606
01:11:35,600 --> 01:11:36,601
That's it.

1607
01:11:37,520 --> 01:11:39,841
- Brad never liked me.
- No?

1608
01:11:39,920 --> 01:11:41,524
And Brad's going to Adam's wedding.

1609
01:11:41,760 --> 01:11:44,001
Oh, I keep forgetting
you guys know Brad.

1610
01:11:44,680 --> 01:11:47,843
It's gonna be fun, my wedding.
I'm looking forward to it.

1611
01:11:49,520 --> 01:11:51,170
Oh, fuck! My wedding!

1612
01:12:00,440 --> 01:12:03,205
Jill's going to kill me.
I have to go change.

1613
01:12:03,440 --> 01:12:06,046
Oh, God. I can't believe
that son of a bitch stole my idea.

1614
01:12:06,400 --> 01:12:09,290
Let's split up and find Brad on three.
One, two, three.

1615
01:12:09,360 --> 01:12:10,361
Split up and find Brad

1616
01:12:10,440 --> 01:12:12,204
before he goes back in time
and kills Lou!

1617
01:12:13,040 --> 01:12:14,280
- Wow! We are so locked in.
- Same page.

1618
01:12:14,360 --> 01:12:15,646
- We are so locked in.
- Same page.

1619
01:12:15,720 --> 01:12:16,801
- That's awesome.
- Right.

1620
01:12:17,040 --> 01:12:19,088
It's normal for men
to blow off some steam

1621
01:12:19,200 --> 01:12:20,565
before their wedding, right?

1622
01:12:20,640 --> 01:12:23,883
Adam? What'd he do,
have a light lunch and a spa day?

1623
01:12:24,200 --> 01:12:28,489
He did drugs and had sex with a man
he barely knows on national TV.

1624
01:12:28,800 --> 01:12:30,643
That doesn't sound like Adam.

1625
01:12:30,720 --> 01:12:33,963
Honey, like you said,
he's just blowing off steam.

1626
01:12:34,040 --> 01:12:36,884
Why didn't I blow off steam?
I have steam to blow off.

1627
01:12:36,960 --> 01:12:38,325
All I did was get my hair done!

1628
01:12:38,400 --> 01:12:40,562
- It looks beautiful.
- Oh, shut up, you dumb slut.

1629
01:12:40,800 --> 01:12:43,007
You blew half of Pittsburgh
before your bachelorette party.

1630
01:12:43,080 --> 01:12:44,206
Get me some champagne.

1631
01:12:51,240 --> 01:12:52,890
I don't know what's taking Jill.

1632
01:12:54,080 --> 01:12:55,605
You think she saw Choozy Doozy?

1633
01:12:55,680 --> 01:12:56,761
Does she watch it?

1634
01:12:57,000 --> 01:12:58,081
It's her favorite show.

1635
01:12:58,160 --> 01:12:59,400
Then she probably saw it.

1636
01:12:59,760 --> 01:13:01,091
Fuck!

1637
01:13:01,400 --> 01:13:02,447
Sorry.

1638
01:13:05,600 --> 01:13:08,604
This isn't good. She's never late. Ever.

1639
01:13:08,840 --> 01:13:10,524
Do you think she and I
are gonna be okay?

1640
01:13:10,760 --> 01:13:13,286
I don't know, man.
I'm not the guy to ask about marriage.

1641
01:13:13,520 --> 01:13:15,921
- Wait, are you married?
- Yeah. Well...

1642
01:13:17,200 --> 01:13:20,283
I don't know. I hope so.

1643
01:13:20,440 --> 01:13:21,726
Okay. Well, I have to find Jill.

1644
01:13:21,800 --> 01:13:22,847
Will you cover for me?

1645
01:13:22,960 --> 01:13:24,291
No, we gotta find Brad.

1646
01:13:24,600 --> 01:13:26,762
Fuck a dude. Fuck two dudes.

1647
01:13:26,960 --> 01:13:29,611
"I'm Adam.
I get plowed by dudes on

1648
01:13:30,120 --> 01:13:31,121
Oh.

1649
01:13:31,280 --> 01:13:33,601
Eeny, meeny, miney, drunk.

1650
01:13:34,920 --> 01:13:36,649
Choozy Boozey.

1651
01:13:38,920 --> 01:13:40,445
Oh, so sorry. Wrong room.

1652
01:13:44,640 --> 01:13:46,961
Oh, shit.

1653
01:13:48,200 --> 01:13:52,410
<i>Anybody know a Brad Syed? Report...</i>

1654
01:13:52,480 --> 01:13:54,801
Hey, Nick Webber. Do the dance.

1655
01:13:55,040 --> 01:13:56,405
<i>You want me to do the dance?</i>

1656
01:13:56,560 --> 01:13:57,561
Yeah, do the dance.

1657
01:13:57,640 --> 01:13:59,130
<i>You want me to do the fucking dance?</i>

1658
01:13:59,200 --> 01:14:00,201
Yeah!

1659
01:14:05,480 --> 01:14:07,164
<i>This is who I've become, isn't it?</i>

1660
01:14:08,160 --> 01:14:09,844
<i>The dancing clown.</i>

1661
01:14:09,920 --> 01:14:12,127
<i>The man who will
apparently do anything</i>

1662
01:14:12,200 --> 01:14:14,487
<i>to keep his shitty career going.</i>

1663
01:14:14,920 --> 01:14:16,251
<i>Meanwhile, when's the last time</i>

1664
01:14:16,320 --> 01:14:18,402
<i>I shared a romantic dinner
with my wife?</i>

1665
01:14:18,480 --> 01:14:21,370
<i>Or just did anything, just the two of us?</i>

1666
01:14:21,480 --> 01:14:22,686
<i>It's been a minute.</i>

1667
01:14:23,840 --> 01:14:26,446
<i>I'll bet there's a lot
of people here tonight</i>

1668
01:14:26,520 --> 01:14:28,329
<i>who have been taken for granted.</i>

1669
01:14:28,440 --> 01:14:29,851
<i>This lady right here.</i>

1670
01:14:30,080 --> 01:14:31,650
<i>When's the last time
your man gave you flowers,</i>

1671
01:14:31,720 --> 01:14:33,449
<i>just because?</i>

1672
01:14:33,520 --> 01:14:34,567
Fuck you, dude.

1673
01:14:34,680 --> 01:14:38,162
<i>Right? On this special occasion,</i>

1674
01:14:38,360 --> 01:14:40,681
<i>be thankful for the one you're with.</i>

1675
01:14:41,000 --> 01:14:43,207
<i>Make each moment count.</i>

1676
01:14:43,920 --> 01:14:46,207
<i>Remember why you fell in love.</i>

1677
01:14:48,200 --> 01:14:49,531
Now do the dance!

1678
01:14:49,600 --> 01:14:50,681
Yeah!

1679
01:14:50,760 --> 01:14:52,364
Do it! Do it!

1680
01:14:53,040 --> 01:14:54,883
<i>Fuck it. D.J.!</i>

1681
01:15:12,640 --> 01:15:13,801
- Hey, Brad.
- Hey, Jacob...

1682
01:15:13,880 --> 01:15:16,611
Whoa! Whoa, whoa, whoa...

1683
01:15:16,720 --> 01:15:19,564
Give me the nitrotrinadium, Brad!
Give me the fuckin' nitro!

1684
01:15:19,880 --> 01:15:21,405
- Okay, okay.
- Slowly.

1685
01:15:21,960 --> 01:15:22,961
Slowly.

1686
01:15:23,160 --> 01:15:26,403
Be very careful, it's my only one.
I only trust you with it.

1687
01:15:26,880 --> 01:15:28,962
You thought you had it all
figured out, didn't ya?

1688
01:15:29,080 --> 01:15:30,923
Just gonna go back in time
and kill my dad.

1689
01:15:31,160 --> 01:15:32,491
- Kill your dad?
- Yeah.

1690
01:15:32,720 --> 01:15:33,926
I know your plan, Brad.

1691
01:15:34,240 --> 01:15:35,651
Okay, sure, I thought about it.

1692
01:15:35,760 --> 01:15:37,285
A lot. When I worked for him.

1693
01:15:37,400 --> 01:15:38,401
I knew it.

1694
01:15:38,560 --> 01:15:40,369
But why would I wanna kill
the man partly responsible

1695
01:15:40,440 --> 01:15:42,807
for the greatest scientific
achievement of all time?

1696
01:15:44,680 --> 01:15:46,728
There was no such thing
as nitrotrinadium

1697
01:15:46,800 --> 01:15:49,167
<i>when your dad gave me
the idea for it 10 years ago.</i>

1698
01:15:49,240 --> 01:15:50,605
...for time travel!

1699
01:15:50,840 --> 01:15:52,524
<i>He had a history
of pulling great ideas</i>

1700
01:15:52,600 --> 01:15:54,011
<i>- out of his ass...
- Boom!</i>

1701
01:15:54,080 --> 01:15:56,686
<i>...and god damn it, he did it again.</i>

1702
01:15:56,760 --> 01:15:58,922
I'm gonna be in the lab,
trying to save this company.

1703
01:15:59,200 --> 01:16:00,645
I dedicated my life's work

1704
01:16:00,760 --> 01:16:03,001
to making Lou Dorchen's
vision a reality.

1705
01:16:03,280 --> 01:16:05,931
Wait. So you are the inventor
of time travel.

1706
01:16:06,520 --> 01:16:08,443
Right? It's fucking awesome.

1707
01:16:08,600 --> 01:16:11,171
So you weren't gonna go back to 2015
and shoot him in the dick.

1708
01:16:11,280 --> 01:16:13,886
Shoot him?

1709
01:16:13,960 --> 01:16:16,804
If I was going to kill your dad,
it wouldn't be with a gun.

1710
01:16:17,040 --> 01:16:20,965
What I would do is spike his morning
cocktail with a potent sedative

1711
01:16:21,040 --> 01:16:22,804
before dragging his body
to the Gulf and...

1712
01:16:22,880 --> 01:16:24,166
Feeding it to a shark.

1713
01:16:24,480 --> 01:16:26,721
- Yeah.
- It's the perfect plan.

1714
01:16:26,960 --> 01:16:29,361
Are you having
as fantastic a time as I am?

1715
01:16:29,480 --> 01:16:31,323
Shut up! This isn't making love!

1716
01:16:31,480 --> 01:16:33,209
This is a "fuck you" to my fiance!

1717
01:16:33,280 --> 01:16:34,645
Right, right, right, right. Okay.

1718
01:16:34,880 --> 01:16:37,406
- Fuck me, Uncle Lou!
- Whoa! Whoa! Hold on!

1719
01:16:37,640 --> 01:16:38,641
Uncle by marriage!

1720
01:16:38,720 --> 01:16:40,449
I feel like that is
an important distinction to make.

1721
01:16:40,560 --> 01:16:41,891
Fuck me, Uncle Lou by marriage!

1722
01:16:42,120 --> 01:16:43,690
I can't believe I'm fucking

1723
01:16:43,800 --> 01:16:45,962
Adam's father's future daughter-in-law!

1724
01:16:46,320 --> 01:16:50,086
I can't believe I'm fucking
Adam's father's sister's husband!

1725
01:16:51,160 --> 01:16:52,810
Adam! Have you seen Lou?

1726
01:16:54,920 --> 01:16:57,890
That Jacuzzi time machine thing,
is that real?

1727
01:16:58,000 --> 01:16:59,490
- It's a hot tub.
- Whatever!

1728
01:16:59,560 --> 01:17:01,403
Listen, Adam, I'm sorry,
I gotta be a stickler on this.

1729
01:17:01,480 --> 01:17:02,925
Jacuzzi is a brand name, and...

1730
01:17:03,000 --> 01:17:04,843
Shut up! How does it work?

1731
01:17:05,840 --> 01:17:08,002
- How does it work?
- This!

1732
01:17:09,920 --> 01:17:12,241
It's the only nitrotrinadium
in the whole world!

1733
01:17:12,320 --> 01:17:16,609
Ten fucking years!
It was a bitch to make, dude!

1734
01:17:16,680 --> 01:17:19,331
I know, Brad.
I didn't mean to fuckin' lose it.

1735
01:17:19,400 --> 01:17:20,970
He got the jump on me.

1736
01:17:21,080 --> 01:17:22,650
But he's so much smaller than you.

1737
01:17:22,720 --> 01:17:26,441
He had, like, super-human strength,
like that fucking baby in Superman I.

1738
01:17:26,560 --> 01:17:29,530
You mean Baby Superman?
That baby was Superman.

1739
01:17:29,600 --> 01:17:30,601
Yeah, I mean...

1740
01:17:30,680 --> 01:17:32,523
That baby was Superman, Jacob!

1741
01:17:35,520 --> 01:17:37,124
- Hey.
- Oh, hey.

1742
01:17:37,200 --> 01:17:38,531
Any luck?

1743
01:17:38,600 --> 01:17:39,965
- Yeah.
- You found him?

1744
01:17:40,640 --> 01:17:43,530
Oh, shit! No. Brad. No, you?

1745
01:17:43,880 --> 01:17:46,486
Nah. Dude.

1746
01:17:46,960 --> 01:17:49,645
Ten years of my life.

1747
01:17:49,720 --> 01:17:50,960
Handle it.

1748
01:17:52,200 --> 01:17:54,885
Instead of linear,
think of space-time as being fluid...

1749
01:17:54,960 --> 01:17:56,450
- Hey.
- Hey, Lou.

1750
01:17:59,480 --> 01:18:00,641
America!

1751
01:18:00,880 --> 01:18:02,882
Brad was helping.
He's not the murderer.

1752
01:18:03,960 --> 01:18:05,200
Oh. Hmm.

1753
01:18:05,800 --> 01:18:07,325
- Oops.
- Then what happened?

1754
01:18:07,440 --> 01:18:10,250
Adam took the nitro.
He's going back to 2015 to kill you.

1755
01:18:10,320 --> 01:18:13,085
Adam Junior's the murderer?
Why would he do that?

1756
01:18:13,160 --> 01:18:14,571
Um, hmm...

1757
01:18:14,880 --> 01:18:16,245
I think... Uh...

1758
01:18:16,560 --> 01:18:18,244
You guys
are gonna think this is hilarious.

1759
01:18:18,360 --> 01:18:19,600
I may have,

1760
01:18:20,440 --> 01:18:24,445
uh, fucked his wife.
A tiny bit! A tiny bit.

1761
01:18:25,240 --> 01:18:27,163
You know, in her vagina, or whatever.

1762
01:18:27,240 --> 01:18:28,241
Fuck, Lou!

1763
01:18:28,320 --> 01:18:29,810
So you just created your own killer.

1764
01:18:29,920 --> 01:18:31,843
- Oh, so I'm the bad guy now!
- Yes!

1765
01:18:31,960 --> 01:18:32,961
Yes.

1766
01:18:33,240 --> 01:18:34,401
Come on!

1767
01:18:34,640 --> 01:18:35,687
Fuck!

1768
01:18:36,080 --> 01:18:37,241
Shit.

1769
01:18:37,680 --> 01:18:39,523
Baby Adam got away.

1770
01:18:39,600 --> 01:18:41,921
Oh, shit. Shit. Look, look, look!

1771
01:18:42,760 --> 01:18:43,761
Come on, come on, come on...

1772
01:18:43,840 --> 01:18:46,684
No, no, no, no, no!
This has got to end now.

1773
01:18:46,920 --> 01:18:48,570
Lou...

1774
01:18:48,640 --> 01:18:50,290
- Lou, what are you doing?
- Lou, get out of the road.

1775
01:18:50,440 --> 01:18:51,851
- Lou!
- I know what I'm doing!

1776
01:18:51,920 --> 01:18:52,967
Get the fuck out of the street!

1777
01:18:53,080 --> 01:18:54,605
You don't know what you're doing.
You're going to die!

1778
01:18:55,440 --> 01:18:56,441
Lou, would you come the fuck on?

1779
01:18:56,520 --> 01:18:57,760
Let me do this! I got this!

1780
01:18:58,000 --> 01:18:59,126
I got this!

1781
01:18:59,280 --> 01:19:00,327
Stop!

1782
01:19:05,520 --> 01:19:07,727
I'm sorry. Okay.

1783
01:19:09,440 --> 01:19:11,090
Okay, okay, okay! I mean it.

1784
01:19:11,160 --> 01:19:13,731
I do. I mean it.
I'm a dick. Ask my friends.

1785
01:19:13,800 --> 01:19:15,131
- He's a dick.
- Big ol' dick.

1786
01:19:15,200 --> 01:19:17,123
Look, I get you. I do.

1787
01:19:17,280 --> 01:19:19,806
I know what it's like
to feel unappreciated,

1788
01:19:19,960 --> 01:19:21,803
like just a member of the pack.

1789
01:19:22,480 --> 01:19:25,882
I just want you to know that
despite what I said before,

1790
01:19:25,960 --> 01:19:27,405
I do appreciate you.

1791
01:19:27,480 --> 01:19:29,721
And I'm appealing to your
sense of humanity right now.

1792
01:19:30,480 --> 01:19:33,165
There is a maniac trying to kill me.

1793
01:19:33,240 --> 01:19:36,801
And I'm asking you
to be the bigger car and help me out.

1794
01:19:39,400 --> 01:19:43,166
I'm just a guy looking at a car

1795
01:19:44,480 --> 01:19:46,164
and asking it to love me.

1796
01:20:04,560 --> 01:20:07,006
Listen. You can't go with me, okay?

1797
01:20:07,400 --> 01:20:08,561
Scat!

1798
01:20:12,720 --> 01:20:14,006
Hey, listen.

1799
01:20:14,120 --> 01:20:16,282
I'll be back, okay? I promise. I'll be back.

1800
01:20:16,360 --> 01:20:19,762
We'll go all the places that
we never got to go, okay?

1801
01:20:19,840 --> 01:20:20,841
Just

1802
01:20:21,920 --> 01:20:23,763
wait for me. You, uh,

1803
01:20:24,400 --> 01:20:26,323
stay blue.

1804
01:20:35,200 --> 01:20:37,009
Oh, shit. Oh, shit. Oh, shit.

1805
01:20:38,760 --> 01:20:40,649
We're too late. We just missed him.

1806
01:20:41,520 --> 01:20:44,046
I guess that's it. We're stuck here.

1807
01:20:44,520 --> 01:20:46,682
That means in a minute, Lou's going to

1808
01:20:47,680 --> 01:20:48,806
disappear.

1809
01:20:51,080 --> 01:20:52,764
No. That can't be right. Right, Jacob?

1810
01:20:52,840 --> 01:20:55,241
I mean, you got...
You got a plan or something.

1811
01:20:55,520 --> 01:20:57,204
No. We just got to, um...

1812
01:20:57,600 --> 01:20:59,045
What are we gonna do?

1813
01:20:59,520 --> 01:21:00,931
Fuck, I don't know.

1814
01:21:01,360 --> 01:21:02,725
I don't know.

1815
01:21:04,560 --> 01:21:05,925
Aw, shit, Lou.

1816
01:21:21,360 --> 01:21:23,886
- I'll miss you, brother.
- I'll miss you, too.

1817
01:21:30,360 --> 01:21:32,362
Hey. Before I forget,

1818
01:21:33,040 --> 01:21:34,565
will you just keep an eye on him?

1819
01:21:36,560 --> 01:21:38,961
He's got such a big future ahead of him.

1820
01:21:39,080 --> 01:21:40,570
- Obviously.
- Yeah.

1821
01:21:46,080 --> 01:21:47,491
I got it.

1822
01:21:47,600 --> 01:21:49,011
Jacob, it's okay. Don't...

1823
01:21:49,160 --> 01:21:50,207
No, no, no.

1824
01:21:50,280 --> 01:21:53,489
Our nitro was missing
because it didn't exist yet.

1825
01:21:53,840 --> 01:21:56,650
But if Adam took the nitro to the past,

1826
01:21:56,760 --> 01:21:58,410
then it exists here in the future.

1827
01:22:01,760 --> 01:22:03,091
Holy shit!

1828
01:22:04,160 --> 01:22:05,161
There's still time.

1829
01:22:05,440 --> 01:22:07,010
- Jacob!
- Let's go!

1830
01:22:09,080 --> 01:22:11,128
We gotta go back to the past
to save the future.

1831
01:22:11,280 --> 01:22:12,327
What does this remind you of?

1832
01:22:12,440 --> 01:22:13,441
<i>Terminator.</i>

1833
01:22:13,520 --> 01:22:14,806
- Always Terminator.
- Always Terminator. I know.

1834
01:22:14,880 --> 01:22:16,086
Let's go save Lou's life.

1835
01:22:16,200 --> 01:22:17,440
High five.

1836
01:22:17,680 --> 01:22:18,761
High five.

1837
01:22:25,960 --> 01:22:28,042
This is my favorite part!

1838
01:22:28,120 --> 01:22:29,451
Ah, here we go! Here we go!

1839
01:22:44,120 --> 01:22:46,122
- I think we made it!
- Let's go!

1840
01:22:46,360 --> 01:22:47,486
- Let's go!
- Okay.

1841
01:22:53,120 --> 01:22:54,804
It's the party. And there's still time!

1842
01:22:55,040 --> 01:22:57,247
He's gotta be around here somewhere!

1843
01:22:57,880 --> 01:23:00,360
<i>We are live!</i>

1844
01:23:00,960 --> 01:23:03,167
<i>From Lougle Mansion.</i>

1845
01:23:03,640 --> 01:23:08,328
<i>Worth 2.3 billion dollars, introducing</i>

1846
01:23:09,000 --> 01:23:12,925
<i>Lou "the Violator"</i>

1847
01:23:13,000 --> 01:23:14,650
<i>Dorchen!</i>

1848
01:23:25,240 --> 01:23:26,765
- Hey, everybody.
- Lou!

1849
01:23:30,600 --> 01:23:31,681
Lou, I found him.

1850
01:23:31,800 --> 01:23:33,245
I'm going to shoot you in the dick

1851
01:23:33,360 --> 01:23:35,488
so you can't fuck anyone else's wife!

1852
01:23:35,560 --> 01:23:36,846
Technically, you all aren't married yet,

1853
01:23:36,920 --> 01:23:38,763
- so she's not your wife.
- Yes, she is!

1854
01:23:38,840 --> 01:23:41,002
Adam, I hate to be a stickler,
but you guys haven't met yet.

1855
01:23:41,080 --> 01:23:42,127
- It's 2015.
- Shut the fuck up!

1856
01:23:42,200 --> 01:23:43,281
- Mazel tov!
- Congratulations!

1857
01:23:47,520 --> 01:23:49,841
What are you doing?
What are you doing?

1858
01:23:50,200 --> 01:23:52,202
It's probably pretty hard
to shoot a man, right?

1859
01:23:52,680 --> 01:23:53,681
Don't.

1860
01:23:53,760 --> 01:23:56,206
It's okay. It's okay. Watch.

1861
01:23:57,040 --> 01:23:59,805
I'm just gonna make it
easier on you. Look.

1862
01:24:02,880 --> 01:24:05,281
- Shotgun to the dick.
- His destiny.

1863
01:24:05,720 --> 01:24:07,722
I turned you into a murderer.

1864
01:24:08,360 --> 01:24:09,521
I've just ruined my own life.

1865
01:24:09,600 --> 01:24:12,490
I have so much fuckin' poison in me
that I've ruined yours, too.

1866
01:24:12,560 --> 01:24:13,891
Jacob was right.

1867
01:24:14,200 --> 01:24:15,725
I'm a virus.

1868
01:24:16,720 --> 01:24:19,564
This is your revenge to take. Okay?

1869
01:24:20,560 --> 01:24:21,800
Please.

1870
01:24:25,320 --> 01:24:26,651
I've seen my future.

1871
01:24:26,880 --> 01:24:28,564
You saw it. I'm a disaster.

1872
01:24:29,560 --> 01:24:30,561
It's okay.

1873
01:24:30,880 --> 01:24:34,009
Just kill me
and put us both out of our misery?

1874
01:24:34,080 --> 01:24:35,241
Please.

1875
01:24:35,400 --> 01:24:38,165
I can't. I can't do it.

1876
01:24:38,320 --> 01:24:40,607
Jesus Christ,
do I have to fucking do everything?

1877
01:24:41,480 --> 01:24:42,481
Lou...

1878
01:24:43,240 --> 01:24:44,241
No!

1879
01:24:48,800 --> 01:24:50,131
You Okay?

1880
01:24:52,920 --> 01:24:54,684
You're fucking crazy, Lou.

1881
01:25:02,840 --> 01:25:04,490
I'm sorry, I may have shit my pants.

1882
01:25:04,600 --> 01:25:06,364
That's all right.
It was a stressful situation.

1883
01:25:06,440 --> 01:25:08,522
It was really stressful. I'm exhausted.

1884
01:25:08,600 --> 01:25:09,681
Oh!

1885
01:25:09,760 --> 01:25:11,125
- I'm so sorry.
- I'm sorry.

1886
01:25:11,760 --> 01:25:12,807
Jill?

1887
01:25:12,920 --> 01:25:14,410
How did you know my...

1888
01:25:14,640 --> 01:25:16,244
Oh. My nametag.

1889
01:25:16,320 --> 01:25:18,004
No, no, it's because you're my...

1890
01:25:20,040 --> 01:25:22,805
I'm sorry. This is just... This is weird.

1891
01:25:23,280 --> 01:25:26,648
Up until yesterday,
I thought I had a normal life.

1892
01:25:26,880 --> 01:25:28,370
I know what you mean. I...

1893
01:25:28,440 --> 01:25:31,728
Have you ever felt like
your entire life was a fraud?

1894
01:25:31,800 --> 01:25:33,802
I'm sorry. "Fraud"
is the wrong word. "Lie"?

1895
01:25:37,480 --> 01:25:38,481
I'm Adam.

1896
01:25:38,560 --> 01:25:40,847
- I'm...
- Jill. I know.

1897
01:25:41,360 --> 01:25:42,805
Lovely tuxedo you're wearing.

1898
01:25:43,000 --> 01:25:45,207
Thank you. Well, it's for our...

1899
01:25:50,800 --> 01:25:51,926
Forgot what I was going to say.

1900
01:26:00,160 --> 01:26:02,162
Well, that was exciting.

1901
01:26:02,240 --> 01:26:04,481
I guess it's not a Lougle party
until somebody gets shot at.

1902
01:26:04,760 --> 01:26:05,841
I don't want to go to the Grammys.

1903
01:26:05,920 --> 01:26:06,967
No?

1904
01:26:07,040 --> 01:26:08,530
I don't wanna go to your sister's either.

1905
01:26:08,680 --> 01:26:10,330
I just want to go somewhere,
just you and me.

1906
01:26:11,680 --> 01:26:13,045
Start making things right.

1907
01:26:14,360 --> 01:26:16,408
I like that. Okay.

1908
01:26:16,720 --> 01:26:18,165
And I want to get out of this shirt.

1909
01:26:18,400 --> 01:26:20,846
I've been in it for, like, three days,
and it's really loud.

1910
01:26:21,920 --> 01:26:23,649
- Come here.
- Hmm?

1911
01:26:23,720 --> 01:26:25,882
Put your arms up for a sec, like that.

1912
01:26:26,880 --> 01:26:29,565
Is this a dance or something?

1913
01:26:29,840 --> 01:26:31,842
Something like that. More of a strut.

1914
01:26:32,240 --> 01:26:33,571
I'm coming in.

1915
01:26:33,680 --> 01:26:35,489
Okay.

1916
01:26:35,560 --> 01:26:37,927
- There it is. Yeah.
- Oh, okay.

1917
01:26:38,520 --> 01:26:40,249
Oh, this is some stupid shit.

1918
01:26:40,320 --> 01:26:42,084
You have no idea.

1919
01:26:43,520 --> 01:26:45,045
Did I just hear fireworks?

1920
01:26:45,120 --> 01:26:47,521
Because fireworks make me want
to puke, and you know that.

1921
01:26:57,040 --> 01:26:58,201
Hmm? Mmm...

1922
01:27:01,080 --> 01:27:02,570
Why are you more handsome?

1923
01:27:03,560 --> 01:27:05,324
I'm a bald person.

1924
01:27:05,400 --> 01:27:06,401
Hey-

1925
01:27:06,480 --> 01:27:08,960
What do you think about doing
a 12-step program with me?

1926
01:27:09,920 --> 01:27:12,651
You know, like, go to an awesome rehab

1927
01:27:12,720 --> 01:27:16,441
with good food and a pool
and classy people.

1928
01:27:18,480 --> 01:27:19,641
What do you think?

1929
01:27:20,960 --> 01:27:22,450
- Okay.
- Yeah?

1930
01:27:23,120 --> 01:27:24,610
I fucking hate you, Lou.

1931
01:27:24,920 --> 01:27:26,285
I fucking hate you, Kelly.

1932
01:27:30,280 --> 01:27:32,487
Sophie! Hey! Where are you going?

1933
01:27:32,600 --> 01:27:35,604
Um, people are shooting each other.
I'm getting out of here.

1934
01:27:35,680 --> 01:27:36,727
Okay. Here's the thing, Soph,

1935
01:27:36,800 --> 01:27:38,848
I've seen our future together
and I will be the first person

1936
01:27:38,920 --> 01:27:40,922
to admit that it is fucking insane.

1937
01:27:41,080 --> 01:27:42,764
The drugs, the constant partying.

1938
01:27:42,840 --> 01:27:45,127
It's enough to make anybody ask,
"When is enough enough?"

1939
01:27:45,280 --> 01:27:46,327
What are you talking about?

1940
01:27:46,440 --> 01:27:47,566
Just stay with me here.
Just stay with me.

1941
01:27:47,640 --> 01:27:48,971
Did you change?

1942
01:27:49,080 --> 01:27:50,889
Yeah, in so many ways. But, listen,

1943
01:27:50,960 --> 01:27:52,246
right in the middle of that future

1944
01:27:52,320 --> 01:27:55,324
is this toxic power couple
named you and me.

1945
01:27:55,440 --> 01:27:57,363
And does it all end in tragedy and tears

1946
01:27:57,440 --> 01:27:59,363
and a murder mystery?
Yes, of course it does.

1947
01:27:59,600 --> 01:28:00,965
But I don't care.

1948
01:28:01,160 --> 01:28:02,924
I just got one question, Sophie.

1949
01:28:03,960 --> 01:28:05,689
Are you ready for the ride
of your fucking life?

1950
01:28:20,280 --> 01:28:21,327
What's that in your pocket?

1951
01:28:21,840 --> 01:28:23,171
My dick.

1952
01:28:24,280 --> 01:28:25,850
Oh, the other thing.

1953
01:28:26,680 --> 01:28:29,160
A billion fucking dollars.

1954
01:28:31,640 --> 01:28:34,041
Hey, I just met my future wife in there.

1955
01:28:34,320 --> 01:28:36,971
Yeah, man. Hang out with us,
that kind of shit happens all the time.

1956
01:28:37,160 --> 01:28:39,162
Yeah. A lot of highs and lows here.

1957
01:28:39,360 --> 01:28:40,850
- Yeah.
- You know, when you think about it,

1958
01:28:40,960 --> 01:28:43,122
Lou had to fuck your wife in the future,

1959
01:28:43,240 --> 01:28:44,571
so you could meet her in the past.

1960
01:28:45,040 --> 01:28:47,122
- Well...
- Yeah. But, hey...

1961
01:28:47,680 --> 01:28:48,920
That's what uncles do, right?

1962
01:28:50,840 --> 01:28:51,841
Not really.

1963
01:28:52,800 --> 01:28:53,801
Hey, just think of it this way.

1964
01:28:53,880 --> 01:28:55,370
Since it happened in the future,

1965
01:28:55,480 --> 01:28:57,084
it technically hasn't happened at all.

1966
01:28:57,400 --> 01:28:59,084
It's cyclical.

1967
01:28:59,160 --> 01:29:01,242
Yeah. And even though I didn't meet my dad,

1968
01:29:01,320 --> 01:29:03,084
I met some friends for life.

1969
01:29:03,160 --> 01:29:04,161
Oh, yeah? Who?

1970
01:29:04,440 --> 01:29:06,761
- Hey, Lou?
- Uncle Lou.

1971
01:29:07,760 --> 01:29:09,000
Uncle Lou.

1972
01:29:09,760 --> 01:29:12,604
No harm, no foul,
but did you ejaculate in her?

1973
01:29:12,680 --> 01:29:14,682
Hey. That doesn't matter.

1974
01:29:15,120 --> 01:29:17,122
I ejaculated inside of you.

1975
01:29:17,360 --> 01:29:18,600
And that doesn't matter either.

1976
01:29:18,720 --> 01:29:21,530
Because those are
both just hypothetical future scenarios.

1977
01:29:21,600 --> 01:29:23,807
No one ejaculated inside
of anything, really.

1978
01:29:23,920 --> 01:29:25,046
No one's ejaculated.

1979
01:29:25,200 --> 01:29:26,201
Yeah, I did.

1980
01:29:26,280 --> 01:29:27,281
You know what?

1981
01:29:27,600 --> 01:29:29,204
I had this moment earlier.

1982
01:29:31,120 --> 01:29:33,441
I think it was when my nephew
from the future

1983
01:29:33,560 --> 01:29:35,130
had a shotgun pointed at my dick

1984
01:29:35,200 --> 01:29:36,281
that I'd helped him place there.

1985
01:29:37,600 --> 01:29:38,931
That was me.

1986
01:29:39,120 --> 01:29:42,966
But in that moment,
everything became clear to me.

1987
01:29:43,120 --> 01:29:45,122
We need to change people's lives.

1988
01:29:45,280 --> 01:29:47,123
Make the world a better place.

1989
01:29:47,760 --> 01:29:50,001
All we have to do is...

1990
01:29:52,320 --> 01:29:53,287
Ah!

1991
01:29:54,960 --> 01:29:56,291
Lou!

1992
01:29:56,880 --> 01:29:58,370
Don't listen to anything he says.

1993
01:29:58,680 --> 01:29:59,727
Adam?

1994
01:29:59,960 --> 01:30:01,803
What the fuck? You shot Lou!

1995
01:30:01,920 --> 01:30:03,524
Dad?

1996
01:30:03,960 --> 01:30:04,961
What's going on?

1997
01:30:05,320 --> 01:30:07,129
No time to explain. Follow me.

1998
01:30:07,200 --> 01:30:08,725
To where?

1999
01:30:09,480 --> 01:30:10,527
Cincinnati.

2000
01:30:10,840 --> 01:30:12,285
No, no, Dad, wait!

2001
01:30:13,360 --> 01:30:15,283
Why did my dad just kill Lou?

2002
01:30:18,640 --> 01:30:20,847
- He probably had an okay reason.
- Whoa, whoa, whoa.

2003
01:30:21,000 --> 01:30:22,843
Wait! Don't go with Adam!

2004
01:30:27,080 --> 01:30:28,161
Patriot Lou.

2005
01:30:28,240 --> 01:30:29,446
Are those wooden teeth?

2006
01:30:29,520 --> 01:30:32,171
He looks like Cap'n Crunch
fucked Paul Revere.

2007
01:30:32,280 --> 01:30:33,930
His hair's breathtaking.

2008
01:30:34,000 --> 01:30:35,206
It's beautiful.

2009
01:30:36,320 --> 01:30:38,288
- Don't listen to him.
- Why?

2010
01:30:38,360 --> 01:30:40,089
It's a long story.

2011
01:30:40,160 --> 01:30:41,605
Believe me, he did us all a favor.

2012
01:30:41,680 --> 01:30:43,284
This one was bad.

2013
01:30:43,360 --> 01:30:45,124
Oh, okay.
The bigger question is, how...

2014
01:30:45,200 --> 01:30:47,089
That's not the only me.
You think you're the only you?

2015
01:30:47,160 --> 01:30:48,889
There's a ton of yous out there.

2016
01:30:49,080 --> 01:30:51,208
Look, you're gonna like this me
a lot better.

2017
01:30:51,280 --> 01:30:52,930
This me is great. Take it from me.

2018
01:30:53,160 --> 01:30:54,321
Holy shit.

2019
01:30:55,480 --> 01:30:57,005
I mean, you guys get it, right?

2020
01:30:57,760 --> 01:31:00,161
Multiple universes, like Fringe.

2021
01:31:02,720 --> 01:31:03,801
Nerd

2022
01:31:03,880 --> 01:31:06,804
<i>You're a fucking nerd</i>

2023
01:31:06,880 --> 01:31:08,041
<i>Poindexter</i>

2024
01:31:08,200 --> 01:31:10,407
<i>You're a fucking nerd</i>

2025
01:31:10,560 --> 01:31:12,130
<i>And no one likes you</i>

2026
01:31:12,200 --> 01:31:13,201
<i>You're a nerd
You're a nerd...</i>

2027
01:31:13,320 --> 01:31:14,481
<i>And no one likes you</i>

2028
01:31:14,560 --> 01:31:16,050
<i>You suck each other's dicks</i>

2029
01:31:16,120 --> 01:31:17,246
- Whoa!
- What?

2030
01:31:17,320 --> 01:31:18,321
<i>Let's...</i>

2031
01:31:18,400 --> 01:31:19,731
I'm sorry.

2032
01:31:20,040 --> 01:31:22,202
Obviously not the direction
of the song, right?

2033
01:31:22,280 --> 01:31:25,170
I totally misread that song. My apologies.

2034
01:31:25,720 --> 01:31:27,085
Okay, so what now?

2035
01:31:27,480 --> 01:31:28,811
Yeah. You guys gotta come with me.

2036
01:31:28,920 --> 01:31:30,081
To where?

2037
01:31:32,160 --> 01:31:34,481
We gotta make America happen, bro.

2038
01:31:37,360 --> 01:31:38,691
Ready for another dip?

2039
01:31:38,760 --> 01:31:40,125
You know, you're not gonna
be super welcome there,

2040
01:31:40,200 --> 01:31:41,690
- but we should totally go.
- I know.

2041
01:31:41,760 --> 01:31:43,000
- Are we going?
- Yeah.

2042
01:31:48,000 --> 01:31:50,446
<i>You're a fucking nerd</i>

2043
01:31:50,520 --> 01:31:52,727
<i>And no one likes you</i>

2044
01:31:52,800 --> 01:31:55,371
<i>You're a fucking nerd</i>

2045
01:31:55,440 --> 01:31:57,488
<i>And no one likes you</i>

2046
01:31:59,520 --> 01:32:00,965
Adam saved Lincoln!

2047
01:32:01,040 --> 01:32:04,283
That parade was the single
greatest moment of my life.

2048
01:32:04,360 --> 01:32:05,441
More so than saving Lincoln?

2049
01:32:05,520 --> 01:32:07,124
No, that was the third
greatest moment of my life.

2050
01:32:07,200 --> 01:32:08,167
What was the second?

2051
01:32:08,240 --> 01:32:09,810
A parade I attended as a child.

2052
01:32:14,720 --> 01:32:15,801
Oh, shit, you guys.

2053
01:32:15,880 --> 01:32:17,689
I left my phone back in the 1800s.

2054
01:32:17,880 --> 01:32:19,370
I fed some gum to a dinosaur.

2055
01:32:19,520 --> 01:32:21,363
As long as we're coming clean,
I fucked Marilyn Monroe.

2056
01:32:22,760 --> 01:32:24,603
Yeah. Sure you did, buddy.

2057
01:32:28,560 --> 01:32:30,562
Who's a nerd now, motherfuckers, huh?

2058
01:32:30,720 --> 01:32:31,926
I'm Arthur Miller.

2059
01:32:33,200 --> 01:32:34,406
Oh, come... Come on!

2060
01:32:40,520 --> 01:32:41,487
You look like...

2061
01:32:41,560 --> 01:32:43,244
- Come on, baby. You got this.
- Let him do it.

2062
01:32:43,320 --> 01:32:44,890
- Let him do it.
- We'll let him do it.

2063
01:32:44,960 --> 01:32:46,769
Come on. Something fucked
something to make it happen.

2064
01:32:46,840 --> 01:32:49,127
It's easy. You just mash
two things up together

2065
01:32:49,200 --> 01:32:50,167
and then you nail him with it.

2066
01:32:50,240 --> 01:32:52,925
You look like... Kevin Yardley!

2067
01:32:53,080 --> 01:32:54,445
Who the fuck is Kevin Yardley?

2068
01:32:54,640 --> 01:32:56,881
A guy I went to high school with.
Yeah, he looks just like him.

2069
01:32:56,960 --> 01:32:59,611
Boo! You suck at this!

2070
01:33:04,760 --> 01:33:06,888
I just get sick of explaining it to him.

2071
01:33:06,960 --> 01:33:08,769
How hard is it to understand time travel?

2072
01:33:08,840 --> 01:33:11,286
I mean, we get it. E equals MC squared.

2073
01:33:11,360 --> 01:33:12,930
Einstein's a stupid fucking idiot.

2074
01:33:13,000 --> 01:33:14,001
- Right?
- Yeah.

2075
01:33:17,600 --> 01:33:19,841
<i>Ladies and gentlemen, the Beatles!</i>

2076
01:33:23,480 --> 01:33:25,164
You're fucking Ringo!

2077
01:33:25,280 --> 01:33:26,281
Damn it.

2078
01:33:29,640 --> 01:33:33,008
<i>Apple is going
to reinvent the phone.</i>

2079
01:33:36,520 --> 01:33:37,521
Explain yourself.

2080
01:33:37,600 --> 01:33:38,931
I will not.

2081
01:33:39,800 --> 01:33:40,801
I'm Nick Webber.

2082
01:33:40,880 --> 01:33:41,881
I'm Jacob Dorchen.

2083
01:33:41,960 --> 01:33:43,405
I'm Adam Yates Stedmeyer.

2084
01:33:43,480 --> 01:33:44,606
I'm Lou Dorchen.

2085
01:33:44,720 --> 01:33:49,044
All that and one less minute
tonight on <i>59 Minutes</i>.

2086
01:33:55,000 --> 01:33:57,162
- Yes!
- The moon!

2087
01:33:57,360 --> 01:33:59,488
First man to save a President
and go into space.

2088
01:33:59,560 --> 01:34:01,483
It was just a soundstage in New Mexico.

2089
01:34:01,560 --> 01:34:03,130
It wasn't real.

2090
01:34:11,200 --> 01:34:12,645
You knew that was gonna happen!

2091
01:34:12,720 --> 01:34:14,370
What did I keep saying?
Protect the ears.

2092
01:34:14,440 --> 01:34:15,771
He was beating the shit out of me!

2093
01:34:16,480 --> 01:34:18,244
<i>Dorchen does it again!</i>

2094
01:34:19,360 --> 01:34:20,930
<i>Unbelievable!</i>

2095
01:34:22,240 --> 01:34:24,641
Nothing but net. Nothing but net.

2096
01:34:24,840 --> 01:34:26,888
- You're just gonna keep saying...
- Nothing but net!

2097
01:34:31,880 --> 01:34:34,531
<i>You're a fucking nerd</i>

2098
01:34:34,880 --> 01:34:37,042
Come on. No way!
I had sex with Marilyn Monroe!

2099
01:34:37,320 --> 01:34:38,890
<i>- You're a fucking nerd
- You're a nerd. You're a nerd</i>

2100
01:34:39,160 --> 01:34:40,366
Stop singing the song!

2101
01:34:40,520 --> 01:34:41,851
<i>- Nobody likes you
- Poindexter</i>

2102
01:34:42,000 --> 01:34:44,048
I won't listen to this song
one more fuckin' time!

2103
01:34:44,360 --> 01:34:45,407
No, no!

2103
01:34:46,305 --> 01:34:52,592
Please rate this subtitle at www.osdb.link/gzq9
Help other users to choose the best subtitles