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Well, ladies and gentlemen,
this is your captain, Rusty Griswold.

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00:02:54,800 --> 00:02:58,407
Hope you've enjoyed your 18-minute
flight from South Bend.

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00:02:58,560 --> 00:03:01,882
We'll be touching down at Chicago's
Midway very shortly.

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00:03:02,040 --> 00:03:04,441
We'd like to thank you for flying
with us today...

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00:03:04,600 --> 00:03:08,366
because at Econo Air, we're working
hard to win back your trust.

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00:03:09,000 --> 00:03:12,561
- Harry, you mind taking over while I hit the lav?
- Sure thing, Rusty.

8
00:03:12,720 --> 00:03:14,131
Thank you very much.

9
00:03:16,920 --> 00:03:18,570
- Oh, and Rusty.
- Mm-hm.

10
00:03:18,800 --> 00:03:22,964
I wanna thank you for going to bat
for me last week.

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I was happy to do it.

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You know, just because corporate says
you're too old to fly doesn't make it true.

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You're more qualified
than us younger guys.

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00:03:30,240 --> 00:03:32,481
- Means a lot to me.
- Sure thing.

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00:03:33,000 --> 00:03:34,240
- Oh, and Rusty.
- Mm-hm.

16
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I wanna thank you for going to bat
for me last week.

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Yeah.

18
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You bet.

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Dad, is that the pilot?

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It sure is.

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00:03:48,240 --> 00:03:50,686
- He just came from the cockpit.
- Whoa.

22
00:03:54,440 --> 00:03:56,044
- Hey there, little guy.
- Hi.

23
00:03:56,200 --> 00:03:57,929
Is this your first time on a plane?

24
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We were planning on driving...

25
00:03:59,600 --> 00:04:02,843
but, uh, Tyler here has been begging us
to go on his first airplane.

26
00:04:03,000 --> 00:04:04,126
- Oh, is that right?
- Uh-huh.

27
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Do you think I can be a pilot
when I grow up?

28
00:04:07,160 --> 00:04:09,003
Heh. Yeah, well, I don't see why not.

29
00:04:09,160 --> 00:04:13,221
You just have to study hard
and listen to your parents, all right?

30
00:04:15,920 --> 00:04:17,490
- Okay, heh.
- Sorry about that.

31
00:04:17,640 --> 00:04:19,449
- Little bit of rough air.
- It's okay.

32
00:04:19,600 --> 00:04:20,681
Yeah, yeah.

33
00:04:20,840 --> 00:04:22,365
Don't worry about it, heh.

34
00:04:23,360 --> 00:04:25,567
Hey, we call that "turbulence,"
all right?

35
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That's when the plane passes...

36
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So sorry.

37
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Okay, you folks enjoy
the rest of your flight.

38
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Let me give you a hand.

39
00:04:43,640 --> 00:04:46,883
Can you please stay
the fuck away from us?

40
00:04:50,960 --> 00:04:54,248
Harry, you took us up to 60,000 feet.
What are you doing?

41
00:04:54,400 --> 00:04:55,481
Oh, Rusty.

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00:04:55,640 --> 00:04:59,440
I wanna thank you for going to bat
for me last week.

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Or the time that Pan Continental
put us up at the Ritz in Barcelona.

44
00:05:17,160 --> 00:05:19,891
You know, I'll tell you one thing
about the Spanish women:

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- They, uh, love them some airline pilots.
- Heh. They do.

46
00:05:22,600 --> 00:05:25,921
I never took the uniform off,
except when I did.

47
00:05:36,600 --> 00:05:37,726
Ladies.

48
00:05:42,480 --> 00:05:44,528
All full. You have to wait
for the next one.

49
00:05:44,680 --> 00:05:46,250
- But I was...
- You were what?

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I'll catch the next one.

51
00:05:50,040 --> 00:05:52,122
See you around, Econo Air.

52
00:06:09,040 --> 00:06:10,690
- The third time this month.
- I know.

53
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Do something about him.
He's always picking on me.

54
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I know he is. I'm so sorry, honey. Hey.

55
00:06:16,480 --> 00:06:18,608
- Hi. What's going on here?
- You'll see.

56
00:06:18,760 --> 00:06:20,967
Kevin, get down here, please.

57
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- Look what he did to my guitar.
- Aw. Again?

58
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God. You told Mom and Dad?

59
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You have such a vagina.

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Okay, enough, enough. Now, young man...

61
00:06:30,280 --> 00:06:32,760
we talked about the bullying
of your older brother.

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00:06:32,920 --> 00:06:36,447
That's right. We don't make fun of
someone just because they're different.

63
00:06:36,800 --> 00:06:39,406
- I don't have a vagina.
- I'm just saying, if you did...

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00:06:39,560 --> 00:06:42,564
it wouldn't be okay for Kevin
to tease you about your vagina.

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00:06:42,720 --> 00:06:45,041
Why are you making it sound
like I have a vagina?

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00:06:45,200 --> 00:06:47,931
I know you don't have a vagina.
I'm not doing that.

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- Kevin, apologize to your brother, please.
- Fine. I'm sorry.

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Now go to your room.

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Ah. I was in my fucking room.

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- Whoa, hey, Kevin? Get back down here.
- Ah.

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00:07:00,640 --> 00:07:01,687
Now listen.

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There are a lot of boys who are born
with vaginas.

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It's very hard for them.

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- Honey. Why?
- It's a teachable moment, hon.

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Gender fluidity, right?
It's a very serious issue.

76
00:07:12,800 --> 00:07:15,326
- I'm not gender-fluid.
- It doesn't matter if you are.

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The point is
your mom and I would love you...

78
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even if you were completely blank
down there.

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Okay, this is not the point.

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00:07:22,400 --> 00:07:23,811
Kevin, just go to your room.

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Hey, James, don't get your
gender fluid on me.

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- Awesome.
- Stop. It's not a fluid.

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And what about my guitar?

84
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It's ruined.

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Let me have a look.

86
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There you go. That'll do for now.

87
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Now get washed up. The Petersons
are coming over for dinner.

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Okay, baby.

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Oh, gosh.
I'll get you a new guitar, okay?

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00:07:55,800 --> 00:07:58,963
- Oh, use the Vitamix. The dry bit.
- Just grind it. Yeah.

91
00:08:00,440 --> 00:08:01,726
Sheila.

92
00:08:02,440 --> 00:08:04,602
- So do you have to work tomorrow?
- So, um, Sheila.

93
00:08:04,760 --> 00:08:07,570
- I want to go to the movies with my friends.
- Sheila.

94
00:08:07,720 --> 00:08:10,326
- What?
- Do you like school this year?

95
00:08:10,480 --> 00:08:11,527
It's okay.

96
00:08:11,720 --> 00:08:14,041
"So do you like school this year?"

97
00:08:14,200 --> 00:08:16,931
That's seriously
what you sound like. Just shut up.

98
00:08:19,120 --> 00:08:22,522
God, I'm telling you, Russ,
you've gotta get one of these go-kart kits.

99
00:08:22,680 --> 00:08:23,727
- What?
- Oh, yeah.

100
00:08:23,880 --> 00:08:26,406
Gary and I spent the last two months
building this.

101
00:08:26,920 --> 00:08:29,730
We took her out this morning
for the first time.

102
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Holy moly.

103
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- Fun?
- No, no, it was terrible. Yeah, it was fun.

104
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Hot damn, it's a go-kart.

105
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G-man, get over here.

106
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- G-man, G-man, G-man.
- Uh-oh.

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Oh, my God, my G-man. I love him.

108
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Get in there. What?

109
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What? What? Get in there. Get in there.

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Oh, man. I love you so much.

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Tell Mr. Griswold
how dope our go-kart is.

112
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It's got a Zanardi chassis and
a four-stroke Briggs & Stratton engine.

113
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- Wow, and you guys built this together?
- We worked on it every day...

114
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after homework and toothbrushing.
I love... Get over here, man.

115
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Work it, Sugar Ray. Come on, Sugar Ray.

116
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He's working me over.

117
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I'm gonna eat your face!

118
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Kevin, James, get over here.

119
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No.

120
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Come on, heh. Oh, there you are.

121
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- Dad, stop. What are you doing?
- Come on, man, we're sparring.

122
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- We do this all the time.
- No. We never do this.

123
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- Hey, don't hit your old man.
- I don't wanna be a part of this.

124
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What are you doing?!

125
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- This is how accidents happen.
- Sacrifice!

126
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Dad, let go of me. Stop.
Why did you do that?

127
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I'm sorry, man. Come on.
I was just fooling around.

128
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- That wasn't fun.
- Like we always do.

129
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We never do that.

130
00:09:52,480 --> 00:09:55,324
Hey, what do you say
you and I build a go-kart together?

131
00:09:56,000 --> 00:09:57,206
If we have to.

132
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Yeah, all right, G-man, heh!

133
00:10:00,040 --> 00:10:02,281
Get out of here. Get out of here, G-man.

134
00:10:04,160 --> 00:10:06,447
Did you just steal my son's nickname?

135
00:10:12,080 --> 00:10:14,447
I'm not sure about...
Oh, shoot. Dang it.

136
00:10:14,600 --> 00:10:18,082
Wow, your ring is getting loose,
there, Deb. Are you losing weight?

137
00:10:18,240 --> 00:10:20,322
Yeah. I am.
You know what I've been doing?

138
00:10:20,480 --> 00:10:21,527
Spinning.

139
00:10:21,720 --> 00:10:24,087
Yeah, it's a great stress reliever.

140
00:10:24,240 --> 00:10:26,925
I'm gonna tell you what's
an even greater stress reliever.

141
00:10:27,080 --> 00:10:28,889
And that is a week in Paris.

142
00:10:29,040 --> 00:10:31,486
Oh, my gosh! I saw that on Instagram.

143
00:10:31,640 --> 00:10:33,130
All your pictures were so great.

144
00:10:33,320 --> 00:10:34,560
- So you did see them.
- Yeah.

145
00:10:34,720 --> 00:10:38,008
Funny, because I was gonna ask
how come you didn't like any of them.

146
00:10:38,160 --> 00:10:39,844
What do you mean? I just said I did.

147
00:10:40,000 --> 00:10:42,970
All my other friends, uh, who saw my
Paris pics, they clicked "like."

148
00:10:43,160 --> 00:10:45,925
You were the only one who
didn't click "like."

149
00:10:46,120 --> 00:10:49,886
Oh. I guess I just didn't get around
to actually clicking "like" on them.

150
00:10:50,080 --> 00:10:52,765
Okay, because look at this one.
Now, in this one we have...

151
00:10:52,960 --> 00:10:55,167
- Sheila and Gary wearing berets.
- I know.

152
00:10:55,320 --> 00:10:58,051
- Right?
- Heh. I like that one so much. It's so cute.

153
00:10:58,200 --> 00:11:00,248
- But you didn't "like" it.
- Okay.

154
00:11:00,400 --> 00:11:02,562
Here are the four of us
at the Arc de Triomphe.

155
00:11:02,760 --> 00:11:06,560
Didn't "like" that. Didn't "like" my children.
Didn't "like" my man kissing on me.

156
00:11:06,720 --> 00:11:10,327
I promise you the second you guys leave
I am gonna go upstairs online...

157
00:11:10,520 --> 00:11:13,205
and I am gonna click "like"
on every single one of them.

158
00:11:13,400 --> 00:11:17,610
Honestly, honey, it really makes
no difference to me.

159
00:11:18,720 --> 00:11:21,690
So are you guys going anywhere
special this summer?

160
00:11:21,840 --> 00:11:23,842
No. I wish. Yeah. No.

161
00:11:24,000 --> 00:11:28,801
We are renting the same cabin that we've been
renting for 10 years in Cheboygan, Michigan.

162
00:11:29,000 --> 00:11:31,401
The boys call it "Che-boring," Michigan.

163
00:11:32,160 --> 00:11:34,970
- Isn't that funny?
- Why don't you just go someplace else?

164
00:11:35,120 --> 00:11:39,489
No, we can't. Rusty loves it so much. I'd
break his heart if I told him we hate the cabin.

165
00:11:39,640 --> 00:11:42,211
- Oh, boy. I understand.
- Yeah.

166
00:11:42,800 --> 00:11:45,849
I understand.
Well, you know what the good news is?

167
00:11:46,040 --> 00:11:47,121
Hmm?

168
00:11:47,320 --> 00:11:51,211
Honestly, even if you go there and you
don't have a great time, baby...

169
00:11:51,360 --> 00:11:54,762
at least you know that I will click
"like" on all your photos.

170
00:11:54,920 --> 00:11:56,524
Jesus Christ, Nancy.

171
00:11:56,840 --> 00:11:57,887
Look!

172
00:11:58,320 --> 00:11:59,526
Look!

173
00:11:59,880 --> 00:12:02,360
What the fuck is this?!

174
00:12:02,840 --> 00:12:03,887
Louie!

175
00:12:15,320 --> 00:12:17,049
What the fuck is this?! Hey, madam.

176
00:12:17,200 --> 00:12:20,841
How much capellini
are you throwing away?!

177
00:12:21,000 --> 00:12:25,210
What are you doing, Melinda?!
What are you doing?!

178
00:13:00,600 --> 00:13:02,125
Guys, I have exciting news.

179
00:13:02,360 --> 00:13:03,407
James has AIDS?

180
00:13:03,560 --> 00:13:05,528
What? No. That's horrible.

181
00:13:05,720 --> 00:13:07,882
- I'd be excited.
- Well, what is it? What is it?

182
00:13:08,040 --> 00:13:10,805
- The four of us are gonna take a little trip.
- Paris.

183
00:13:10,960 --> 00:13:12,962
Hmm. No, much better.

184
00:13:13,120 --> 00:13:16,249
We're driving to Walley World.

185
00:13:16,440 --> 00:13:18,522
- What?
- This family's in a rut.

186
00:13:18,680 --> 00:13:21,524
We gotta shake things up, right?
Spend a little quality time.

187
00:13:21,680 --> 00:13:24,809
It wouldn't hurt for the boys
to learn to get along a little better.

188
00:13:24,960 --> 00:13:27,361
- Uh, by locking them in a car together?
- Yeah.

189
00:13:27,520 --> 00:13:29,966
- This is some bullshit right here!
- Hey, language.

190
00:13:30,160 --> 00:13:33,164
Well, it is. I'm gonna miss the first
week of wrestling practice.

191
00:13:33,320 --> 00:13:35,402
We'll find a wrestling range
along the way, heh.

192
00:13:35,560 --> 00:13:36,971
That's not even a thing.

193
00:13:37,120 --> 00:13:40,283
And, Dad, no offense, I just don't
wanna do my first big road trip...

194
00:13:40,440 --> 00:13:42,363
to some corporate theme park, you know?

195
00:13:42,520 --> 00:13:48,209
I'd like to explore the real America,
like Jack Kerouac or the Merry Pranksters.

196
00:13:48,360 --> 00:13:50,522
- Don't say weird shit!
- Ah. Ow!

197
00:13:50,720 --> 00:13:52,324
Kevin, bullying! Guys, come on.

198
00:13:52,480 --> 00:13:55,723
My trip to Walley World when I was a kid
was the best time I ever had.

199
00:13:55,880 --> 00:13:59,930
So you just wanna redo your vacation
from 30 years ago?

200
00:14:00,080 --> 00:14:02,401
Don't you think that's gonna be
kind of a letdown?

201
00:14:02,560 --> 00:14:05,962
No, no, no. We're not redoing anything.
This will be completely different.

202
00:14:06,120 --> 00:14:10,444
For one thing, the original vacation
had a boy and a girl. This one has two boys.

203
00:14:10,600 --> 00:14:14,366
And I'm sure that there will be lots
of other differences.

204
00:14:14,520 --> 00:14:17,524
- I've never even heard of the original vacation.
- Doesn't matter.

205
00:14:17,680 --> 00:14:20,684
The new vacation
will stand on its own, okay?

206
00:14:21,040 --> 00:14:22,087
Come on, honey.

207
00:14:22,240 --> 00:14:24,402
What do you say?
We can drive out and fly back.

208
00:14:25,520 --> 00:14:27,249
Oh, what the heck, heh.

209
00:14:27,400 --> 00:14:29,926
Couldn't be as bad as
that stupid cabin, right, honey?

210
00:14:30,080 --> 00:14:31,491
- That's the spirit.
- All right.

211
00:14:31,680 --> 00:14:33,284
Ugh. Fuck me.

212
00:14:33,440 --> 00:14:35,807
Are we gonna drive all that way
in your little car?

213
00:14:36,600 --> 00:14:37,965
Not exactly.

214
00:14:50,120 --> 00:14:53,363
Come on, guys, heh. How come you didn't
follow me just then?

215
00:14:53,520 --> 00:14:57,206
- Oh, you wanted us to?
- Yeah, that's why I dangled the key like that.

216
00:14:57,360 --> 00:14:59,010
- Oh, well...
- Why else would I...?

217
00:14:59,160 --> 00:15:01,003
You could've just said, "Come with me."

218
00:15:02,400 --> 00:15:04,129
Look what your dad rented.

219
00:15:05,040 --> 00:15:06,280
What the hell is that?

220
00:15:06,440 --> 00:15:07,487
Kevin.

221
00:15:07,960 --> 00:15:11,362
- That's a 2015 Tartan Prancer.
- Did you say "Tartan," honey?

222
00:15:11,520 --> 00:15:13,409
Yeah. Tartan's the Honda of Albania.

223
00:15:13,600 --> 00:15:15,329
Why'd you get an Albanian car, Dad?

224
00:15:15,480 --> 00:15:17,687
Renting a family car
on Memorial Day weekend...

225
00:15:17,840 --> 00:15:21,765
doesn't leave you with a lot of options.
But this baby is pretty sweet.

226
00:15:21,920 --> 00:15:25,481
It's got all the latest Albanian technology.
Check it out. Plug-in hybrid.

227
00:15:25,640 --> 00:15:27,529
Oh, wow, eco-friendly. Good.

228
00:15:27,680 --> 00:15:32,641
So any time we run out of juice,
we can just pull right over, and plug in.

229
00:15:32,800 --> 00:15:34,689
I don't know what that is.

230
00:15:34,840 --> 00:15:36,888
Never seen an outlet for that, heh.

231
00:15:37,080 --> 00:15:38,366
Should it retract, or...?

232
00:15:38,520 --> 00:15:41,205
You would think
it would retract. It just...

233
00:15:41,360 --> 00:15:42,771
No, it doesn't.

234
00:15:42,960 --> 00:15:44,291
Cupholder?

235
00:15:44,440 --> 00:15:48,286
I think you coil it. You just coil it like that.
Right? Then you close it right up.

236
00:15:48,440 --> 00:15:50,363
Doesn't matter. Still got two gas tanks.

237
00:15:50,520 --> 00:15:52,887
- Why two?
- Carry twice as much gas.

238
00:15:53,040 --> 00:15:56,601
- Why not just have one big tank?
- It's twice the gas, buddy.

239
00:15:56,760 --> 00:15:58,603
Actually the same volume. Two small...

240
00:15:59,920 --> 00:16:01,410
It has six ashtrays.

241
00:16:01,600 --> 00:16:02,806
Six, wow.

242
00:16:02,960 --> 00:16:04,803
Hope you guys like smoking.

243
00:16:05,680 --> 00:16:07,444
- Right?
- Yeah.

244
00:16:07,600 --> 00:16:09,489
What's with all the mirrors?

245
00:16:11,240 --> 00:16:12,287
Safer.

246
00:16:12,840 --> 00:16:14,171
But...

247
00:16:14,320 --> 00:16:17,961
Oh. And this is amazing. I can control
the entire car from the fob.

248
00:16:18,160 --> 00:16:21,164
- What do all the buttons mean?
- No clue. But we'll figure it out.

249
00:16:21,320 --> 00:16:23,561
Honey, is that a swastika on there?

250
00:16:23,720 --> 00:16:25,768
Yeah. We won't use that.

251
00:16:26,360 --> 00:16:27,566
This is my favorite part.

252
00:16:30,440 --> 00:16:32,204
- Slam the door on my arm.
- Heh. What?

253
00:16:32,360 --> 00:16:35,887
It has a sensor. It won't let you
slam the door on your arm or leg.

254
00:16:36,040 --> 00:16:38,850
- I'm not doing that.
- The rental guy showed me. Just do it.

255
00:16:39,000 --> 00:16:40,365
- Okay.
- Do it!

256
00:16:41,760 --> 00:16:43,171
- Do it.
- This is kind of fun.

257
00:16:43,320 --> 00:16:44,367
Slam it.

258
00:16:44,560 --> 00:16:45,721
All right. There you go.

259
00:16:46,160 --> 00:16:47,491
- Oh! Oh!
- Oh, my God!

260
00:16:47,640 --> 00:16:49,130
- Oh, my gosh!
- Goddamn it!

261
00:16:49,320 --> 00:16:52,130
Oh, my God!
Why did you have me do that?!

262
00:16:55,520 --> 00:16:57,443
Oh, I didn't have the sensor activated.

263
00:16:57,920 --> 00:16:59,331
- Okay.
- I'm an idiot.

264
00:16:59,480 --> 00:17:01,562
- Do it again.
- No, absolutely not.

265
00:17:01,720 --> 00:17:04,087
- It'll be fine. I just activated it.
- I won't do it.

266
00:17:04,240 --> 00:17:05,765
- Don't be chicken.
- Fine.

267
00:17:07,760 --> 00:17:09,728
- Shit!
- Heh.

268
00:17:09,920 --> 00:17:12,241
- Why did you do that?
- Really?

269
00:17:12,400 --> 00:17:13,640
You're right. I'm sorry, heh.

270
00:17:13,840 --> 00:17:17,481
- Ugh! Nobody slam their arm in the door.
- Can I slam it on James' balls?

271
00:17:17,680 --> 00:17:20,206
- You admit I have balls?
- They hang out of your vagina.

272
00:17:20,360 --> 00:17:22,442
- Stop that. Please.
- Plenty of time for that.

273
00:17:22,640 --> 00:17:25,450
- Go get packed. We're hitting the road today.
- Okay.

274
00:17:25,600 --> 00:17:28,080
Guess we're leaving today.
All right. Let's go, guys.

275
00:17:33,120 --> 00:17:34,531
Huh.

276
00:17:42,160 --> 00:17:43,650
Hey, honey. What's all that?

277
00:17:43,800 --> 00:17:46,007
Well, uh, this is my dream journal...

278
00:17:46,160 --> 00:17:47,491
whimsy log...

279
00:17:47,640 --> 00:17:48,880
wish diary...

280
00:17:49,040 --> 00:17:50,087
my poems.

281
00:17:50,240 --> 00:17:55,201
And, uh, this bad boy is going to be a
stream-of-consciousness travel log, so...

282
00:17:55,880 --> 00:17:57,006
Yeah.

283
00:17:58,240 --> 00:18:01,403
Come on, honey. Every boy that age
has a stack of diaries.

284
00:18:01,600 --> 00:18:03,250
Okay, gang.

285
00:18:03,800 --> 00:18:05,802
Seat belts on.

286
00:18:06,640 --> 00:18:07,846
Two full tanks of gas.

287
00:18:08,000 --> 00:18:09,331
Honey, GPS check?

288
00:18:09,520 --> 00:18:10,806
Yes, yes. Roger that. Okay.

289
00:18:12,520 --> 00:18:15,842
Your destination is 2560 miles ahead.

290
00:18:16,000 --> 00:18:18,571
Walley World, here we come.

291
00:18:48,840 --> 00:18:50,330
Well, we're almost out of gas.

292
00:18:51,040 --> 00:18:54,362
What? How is that possible?
We've been driving for less than an hour.

293
00:19:06,240 --> 00:19:08,322
Dad, what's so special
about Walley World?

294
00:19:08,480 --> 00:19:11,165
I mean, we have plenty of
theme parks at home.

295
00:19:11,320 --> 00:19:16,281
Well, Walley World is home of
the one and only Velociraptor.

296
00:19:16,440 --> 00:19:18,204
What the hell is that?

297
00:19:18,360 --> 00:19:22,330
It's only the newest, scariest
roller coaster in the country.

298
00:19:22,880 --> 00:19:25,645
Four hundred and fifty feet tall,
110 miles an hour...

299
00:19:25,800 --> 00:19:27,962
triple corkscrew loop.

300
00:19:28,560 --> 00:19:30,050
Yeah. Oh, hey, look at this.

301
00:19:30,200 --> 00:19:32,851
Looks like we got ourselves
a little old convoy.

302
00:19:33,000 --> 00:19:34,365
Let's say hi.

303
00:19:35,640 --> 00:19:39,406
- Oh, my goodness. It has a CB radio in it?
- Yeah, comes standard in all Prancers.

304
00:19:39,560 --> 00:19:41,403
- This way we can talk to truckers.
- Okay.

305
00:19:41,560 --> 00:19:44,040
Now, guys, you just have
to speak their lingo.

306
00:19:44,240 --> 00:19:47,005
I'm gonna ask him if there's any
police up ahead.

307
00:19:47,280 --> 00:19:49,123
Breaker 1-9 to Rubber Ducky.

308
00:19:49,280 --> 00:19:51,806
You got any Smokey the Bears
in your kitchen? Over.

309
00:19:53,040 --> 00:19:55,327
You're clean and green
for the next 20 klicks.

310
00:19:55,480 --> 00:19:57,084
- Ha-ha. He replied!
- I know!

311
00:19:57,240 --> 00:20:00,847
- What did that even mean?
- I have no idea, but who cares?

312
00:20:01,000 --> 00:20:03,731
- He seems nice.
- He does seem nice, doesn't he?

313
00:20:03,880 --> 00:20:05,723
Copy that, good buddy. Over.

314
00:20:05,880 --> 00:20:08,087
- Can I try, Dad?
- Yeah, course.

315
00:20:08,240 --> 00:20:10,049
When you finish talking, say "over."

316
00:20:10,200 --> 00:20:11,850
- Okay. Cool.
- Okay.

317
00:20:12,480 --> 00:20:16,087
Breaker 1-9, my friend Jessie says
all truck drivers are rapists.

318
00:20:16,240 --> 00:20:18,004
- Are you a rapist?
- Kevin, no, no.

319
00:20:18,160 --> 00:20:19,366
Sorry. Over.

320
00:20:19,520 --> 00:20:21,522
- No, no, no.
- What are you doing?

321
00:20:21,680 --> 00:20:24,286
- What? It's a question.
- Well, you're ruining it.

322
00:20:25,400 --> 00:20:27,607
Sorry about that there, good buddy.

323
00:20:28,240 --> 00:20:31,687
You know how little boys are when
their mouths get going, heh. I don't...

324
00:20:31,840 --> 00:20:33,808
Not to imply that you are...

325
00:20:34,560 --> 00:20:38,485
fond of when little boys' mouths
get going in any way.

326
00:20:38,680 --> 00:20:41,923
I am not suggesting that
you are a sex offender.

327
00:20:42,080 --> 00:20:43,570
- Or a pedophile.
- Okay, no.

328
00:20:43,760 --> 00:20:46,286
Yeah, so that's the CB radio, guys.

329
00:20:46,440 --> 00:20:48,124
Neat, huh?

330
00:20:48,280 --> 00:20:51,762
- Hey, Dad, what's a pedophile?
- Hmm. Well, Kevin, when a man and a boy...

331
00:20:51,920 --> 00:20:55,208
- love each other very much...
- No. No.

332
00:20:57,680 --> 00:20:59,682
- I have to piss.
- Me too.

333
00:20:59,840 --> 00:21:01,888
Go with him, please,
and keep an eye on him.

334
00:21:02,040 --> 00:21:03,371
- Okay.
- Thank you.

335
00:21:05,760 --> 00:21:08,889
Look at that.
The boys are bonding already.

336
00:21:09,080 --> 00:21:10,445
Isn't this the best?

337
00:21:10,600 --> 00:21:12,090
Yeah.

338
00:21:14,120 --> 00:21:17,647
Do you remember, back when you were
just getting your pilot's license...

339
00:21:17,800 --> 00:21:19,450
and you and I would sit there...

340
00:21:19,600 --> 00:21:24,128
and we'd talk about all those, like,
overseas trips we would take and stuff?

341
00:21:24,640 --> 00:21:28,361
Yeah, of course that's when I thought
I was gonna fly for one of the big guys.

342
00:21:28,520 --> 00:21:31,444
I know it's not the most glamorous
airline, but Econo Air...

343
00:21:31,640 --> 00:21:33,085
it's been pretty good to us.

344
00:21:33,640 --> 00:21:37,929
As far as I'm concerned, right here
with you and the boys, this is paradise.

345
00:21:40,600 --> 00:21:43,683
- There was a hole in the side of my stall.
- You found a glory hole.

346
00:21:43,840 --> 00:21:46,764
- Russ, no.
- All right, let's hit the road.

347
00:22:28,440 --> 00:22:30,488
Go to sleep! Go to sleep!

348
00:22:43,160 --> 00:22:45,162
- What's wrong with you?!
- I wanted to see...

349
00:22:45,320 --> 00:22:48,164
how long you could
hold your breath before you black out.

350
00:22:48,320 --> 00:22:50,766
Don't do that. I could have died.

351
00:22:50,920 --> 00:22:52,285
Whatever.

352
00:22:57,000 --> 00:22:59,002
Goddamn it. Kevin!

353
00:23:12,280 --> 00:23:14,248
Hey, honey,
why'd we get off the highway?

354
00:23:14,400 --> 00:23:17,609
Thought it would be fun for the kids
to see where you went to college.

355
00:23:17,760 --> 00:23:20,684
Oh, God. Why would that be fun
for them, honey?

356
00:23:20,840 --> 00:23:23,810
You could give us a tour.
One of them could study there one day.

357
00:23:24,000 --> 00:23:26,002
Oh, no. No way, man.

358
00:23:26,160 --> 00:23:29,004
I've got my sights set on something
a little more Ivy League.

359
00:23:29,160 --> 00:23:31,527
Oh. Little fucker.

360
00:23:31,720 --> 00:23:34,246
- What, Ma?
- I love you. That's what I said.

361
00:23:34,400 --> 00:23:36,084
- I love you too.
- I said, I love you.

362
00:23:36,240 --> 00:23:37,810
Let's just see how far it is.

363
00:23:38,160 --> 00:23:43,041
- You are 9.2 miles from destination.
- All right. Check the best route.

364
00:23:44,960 --> 00:23:47,691
Oh, I changed the language.

365
00:23:49,880 --> 00:23:51,211
That's not it, heh.

366
00:23:53,080 --> 00:23:54,286
What is that?

367
00:23:54,760 --> 00:23:59,163
- Uh, I don't know. Korean?
- Oh, God, it's horrible. Just please turn it off.

368
00:23:59,320 --> 00:24:02,051
The menu's all in Korean now.
I don't know what to press.

369
00:24:02,200 --> 00:24:04,282
Why is it so much angrier
than the other voices?

370
00:24:04,440 --> 00:24:05,487
Why don't we just...?

371
00:24:05,640 --> 00:24:08,166
Honey, it doesn't like
when you touch it, okay?

372
00:24:08,320 --> 00:24:10,891
Just leave it alone. Let it calm down.

373
00:24:22,920 --> 00:24:25,844
Wow, this place has not changed a bit.

374
00:24:26,400 --> 00:24:28,402
- Isn't that sorority row?
- Hmm.

375
00:24:28,560 --> 00:24:30,130
Let's go check out your house.

376
00:24:30,320 --> 00:24:33,449
Oh, no, honey. Don't you think we
should get back on the road?

377
00:24:33,600 --> 00:24:35,682
No, come on. It'll be fun.

378
00:24:35,840 --> 00:24:38,081
It's just a boring old house.

379
00:24:57,480 --> 00:24:59,005
Yeah, that's what's up.

380
00:24:59,160 --> 00:25:02,004
I cannot believe
that they are still doing this.

381
00:25:03,880 --> 00:25:05,211
What is it?

382
00:25:05,560 --> 00:25:08,211
Uh, it is the Tri-Pi Chug Run.

383
00:25:08,400 --> 00:25:10,562
You have to chug
a big pitcher of beer...

384
00:25:10,720 --> 00:25:13,769
and then you have to get through
the course as fast as you can.

385
00:25:13,920 --> 00:25:16,321
And you did this?
Because you hardly drink.

386
00:25:16,480 --> 00:25:18,881
No, yeah. But, honey,
it's for charity, see?

387
00:25:21,760 --> 00:25:24,331
Hi. Would you like to donate
to ass burgers?

388
00:25:24,520 --> 00:25:26,284
Oh, no. We're just stopping by.

389
00:25:26,440 --> 00:25:28,602
I was a Tri-Pi a long time ago, so...

390
00:25:29,120 --> 00:25:31,327
In fact, the Chug Run was my idea.

391
00:25:31,480 --> 00:25:33,608
- It was?
- Yeah.

392
00:25:34,000 --> 00:25:37,049
- Wait, are you Debbie Fletcher?
- Yeah.

393
00:25:37,560 --> 00:25:38,721
Oh, my shit.

394
00:25:38,880 --> 00:25:41,008
Oh, my shit! I can't believe it's you!

395
00:25:41,160 --> 00:25:43,401
Guys, come here! Bring over the book!

396
00:25:43,600 --> 00:25:46,524
- It's Debbie fucking Fletcher.
- How do you know who I am?

397
00:25:46,680 --> 00:25:49,650
Oh, my God, are you kidding me?
You're like a legend at Tri-Pi.

398
00:25:49,800 --> 00:25:52,565
- You're Debbie Do-Anything!
- Debbie Do-Anything?

399
00:25:52,720 --> 00:25:54,768
- Go play.
- Yeah, look.

400
00:25:54,920 --> 00:25:57,844
- See?
- Oh, God.

401
00:25:58,000 --> 00:26:01,083
- Is it true you climbed the clock tower naked?
- Of course not.

402
00:26:01,240 --> 00:26:03,402
Did you really show your tits
to anyone who asked?

403
00:26:03,560 --> 00:26:05,642
- Honey, we should go.
- Hang on.

404
00:26:05,800 --> 00:26:09,725
- I heard you stuck a finger in the dean's dick.
- Did you really burn down Taco Bell?

405
00:26:09,920 --> 00:26:11,524
I heard you fucked Anthony Hopkins.

406
00:26:11,680 --> 00:26:13,967
I heard that, if people bop you
on your head...

407
00:26:14,120 --> 00:26:16,043
gold coins come out of your butt.

408
00:26:16,200 --> 00:26:18,043
- Okay, ladies, heh.
- What?

409
00:26:18,960 --> 00:26:22,806
I think I know my wife pretty well, and she
wouldn't have done any of those things.

410
00:26:22,960 --> 00:26:27,090
But you know what? What's important is
not whether I did them or I didn't do them.

411
00:26:27,240 --> 00:26:30,847
What's important is that you guys are
idolizing very bad behavior here.

412
00:26:31,000 --> 00:26:33,731
Uh, ew, you don't sound
like Debbie Do-Anything.

413
00:26:33,880 --> 00:26:35,450
I had a feeling she was all hype.

414
00:26:35,600 --> 00:26:37,682
Bet she didn't even come up
with the Chug Run.

415
00:26:37,840 --> 00:26:39,444
Hey, wait a minute. Excuse me.

416
00:26:39,600 --> 00:26:42,763
I did come up
with the Chug Run, all right?

417
00:26:42,920 --> 00:26:44,001
And I ran it.

418
00:26:44,200 --> 00:26:45,486
- Sure you did.
- No, I did.

419
00:26:45,640 --> 00:26:47,404
- In 16 seconds, okay?
- Okay, hon.

420
00:26:48,000 --> 00:26:50,480
- Prove it.
- She can't do it now. She's old.

421
00:26:50,640 --> 00:26:51,721
Excuse me, girl?

422
00:26:51,920 --> 00:26:54,526
I didn't mean it like that.
I just mean... you're old.

423
00:26:59,000 --> 00:27:00,161
Oh, yeah.

424
00:27:00,320 --> 00:27:02,891
Never heard that laugh before.
I don't like it.

425
00:27:03,040 --> 00:27:04,121
Hold my bag. Uh-uh.

426
00:27:04,280 --> 00:27:07,568
Why? You're not actually
going on this thing.

427
00:27:07,720 --> 00:27:11,202
Yes, I am. This Chug Run raised
thousands of dollars for charity, all right?

428
00:27:11,400 --> 00:27:15,166
I might not have gotten good grades while
I was here, but at least I did something.

429
00:27:15,360 --> 00:27:18,762
It sounds like you did a lot.
You stuck your finger in the dean's penis.

430
00:27:18,920 --> 00:27:23,130
It's not important what I stuck my finger in
and what I burnt down. What is important...

431
00:27:23,280 --> 00:27:26,250
- is that these bitches are disrespecting me.
- "Bitches"?

432
00:27:26,400 --> 00:27:27,606
Bring it on.

433
00:27:29,560 --> 00:27:31,528
No one's calling me old. Fuck you.

434
00:27:31,680 --> 00:27:34,729
All right, boobs, pitcher. Let's go.
Come on, come on, come on.

435
00:27:40,640 --> 00:27:42,881
Tri-Pi, motherfuckers!

436
00:27:57,960 --> 00:27:59,644
Oh, Jesus Christ.

437
00:28:08,520 --> 00:28:11,330
Three! Two! One!

438
00:28:17,720 --> 00:28:19,165
Oh, honey.

439
00:28:32,760 --> 00:28:34,000
What's Mom doing?

440
00:28:34,160 --> 00:28:36,891
She's, uh, teaching
these bitches a lesson.

441
00:28:48,400 --> 00:28:51,244
This is the best thing I've ever seen.

442
00:28:53,560 --> 00:28:54,721
Go! Go! Go!

443
00:29:00,520 --> 00:29:03,046
Why is she puking so much?

444
00:29:03,480 --> 00:29:05,164
It's for ass burgers.

445
00:29:19,400 --> 00:29:21,687
Tri-Pi, motherfuckers.

446
00:29:34,400 --> 00:29:36,926
Mom, you should try and stay hydrated.

447
00:29:38,400 --> 00:29:40,971
What? What are you doing?

448
00:29:43,160 --> 00:29:44,730
How about some tunes?

449
00:29:47,480 --> 00:29:49,801
Oh, my God. I can't believe it.

450
00:29:49,960 --> 00:29:51,724
I love this song.

451
00:29:51,880 --> 00:29:54,645
Guys, it's Seal.

452
00:29:55,240 --> 00:29:57,083
Heh. Everybody sing it with me.

453
00:29:57,360 --> 00:30:02,571
There used to be a graying tower
Alone on the sea

454
00:30:02,720 --> 00:30:03,767
Come on, guys.

455
00:30:03,920 --> 00:30:09,609
You became
The light on the dark side of me

456
00:30:09,760 --> 00:30:11,000
Deb?

457
00:30:11,200 --> 00:30:15,649
Love remained
A drug that's the high and not...

458
00:30:15,800 --> 00:30:16,847
Guys? No?

459
00:30:17,040 --> 00:30:19,168
Did you know that when it snows

460
00:30:19,320 --> 00:30:20,481
Kevin? James?

461
00:30:20,640 --> 00:30:21,846
My eyes become large

462
00:30:22,000 --> 00:30:23,365
Is this a man or a woman singing?

463
00:30:23,520 --> 00:30:26,171
It's a man. And the coolest man ever.

464
00:30:26,320 --> 00:30:27,810
He overcame lupus.

465
00:30:27,960 --> 00:30:34,286
Baby, I compare you
To a kiss from a rose on the gray

466
00:30:34,440 --> 00:30:37,205
I can't believe no one
in this family wants to sing.

467
00:30:37,360 --> 00:30:39,522
...stranger it feels, yeah.

468
00:30:39,680 --> 00:30:40,920
Batman Forever?

469
00:30:41,080 --> 00:30:43,526
...that your rose is in bloom

470
00:30:43,680 --> 00:30:44,806
Val Kilmer.

471
00:30:44,960 --> 00:30:48,442
A light hits the gloom on the gray

472
00:30:53,200 --> 00:30:54,440
He's come back to kill us.

473
00:30:56,640 --> 00:30:58,483
- Gun it, Russ!
- Gunning it.

474
00:31:01,960 --> 00:31:03,610
You gotta go faster, Dad! Go faster!

475
00:31:03,760 --> 00:31:06,240
- The Prancer doesn't go any faster!
- What do we do?!

476
00:31:06,400 --> 00:31:08,209
Maybe if I press this rabbit button...

477
00:31:08,360 --> 00:31:10,806
- ...it'll give it a boost or something.
- Yes, try it.

478
00:31:14,000 --> 00:31:16,651
- Why is there a button for that?
- And why is it a rabbit?

479
00:31:16,800 --> 00:31:17,881
Okay...

480
00:31:18,040 --> 00:31:19,929
- Uh, rocket. Here you go. Try that.
- Yes.

481
00:31:20,600 --> 00:31:21,647
What? What's happening?

482
00:31:21,800 --> 00:31:23,404
- Why am I swiveling?
- I don't know!

483
00:31:23,560 --> 00:31:25,050
- Grab the wheel!
- It won't stop!

484
00:31:25,200 --> 00:31:28,124
- Hit the gas! Hit the gas!
- Okay, I'm trying to hit...

485
00:31:31,440 --> 00:31:33,249
We're gonna die!

486
00:31:36,640 --> 00:31:39,723
- Okay, I got the wheel. I got the wheel.
- Okay, okay.

487
00:31:40,480 --> 00:31:41,845
Okay, what are we gonna do?

488
00:31:42,040 --> 00:31:43,929
- I have an idea.
- What?

489
00:31:44,280 --> 00:31:45,770
- Handbrake turn.
- What?

490
00:31:45,960 --> 00:31:49,931
Pull the wheel left, yank the handbrake,
do a 180, cross the median, drive past him.

491
00:31:50,080 --> 00:31:52,686
- You know how, Dad?
- If Vin Diesel can do it, so can I.

492
00:31:52,840 --> 00:31:55,002
- Why are you as good as Vin Diesel?
- Hang on.

493
00:32:06,720 --> 00:32:08,927
That's not what I was trying to do.

494
00:32:09,080 --> 00:32:11,481
- Everybody okay?
- Oh, shit!

495
00:32:21,760 --> 00:32:23,603
- Go, Dad! Go, go!
- Oh, my God.

496
00:32:45,560 --> 00:32:47,050
- Oh, shit!
- Goddamn it.

497
00:32:55,920 --> 00:32:58,491
All right, boys. This is you.

498
00:32:58,640 --> 00:33:01,166
- I call both beds.
- You get one bed.

499
00:33:01,320 --> 00:33:03,527
If you need anything, Mom and I
are next door.

500
00:33:03,680 --> 00:33:06,729
Oh, uh, I think I saw a hot tub, Dad.
Is it okay if I take a soak?

501
00:33:07,600 --> 00:33:09,204
Yeah. Yeah, sure.

502
00:33:09,360 --> 00:33:11,522
But if anyone tries to
shove you in their car...

503
00:33:11,680 --> 00:33:13,808
give them a good scratch
like I showed you.

504
00:33:13,960 --> 00:33:15,007
- I will.
- All right.

505
00:33:15,160 --> 00:33:16,321
- Attaboy.
- Thanks.

506
00:33:18,040 --> 00:33:19,530
So...

507
00:33:19,720 --> 00:33:24,282
how come you never told me about
the whole Debbie Do-Anything thing?

508
00:33:24,480 --> 00:33:26,528
Heh. Come on, that was so long ago.

509
00:33:26,680 --> 00:33:29,126
Yeah, but it's part of who you are...

510
00:33:29,280 --> 00:33:30,964
and I wanna know all about you.

511
00:33:31,120 --> 00:33:34,363
All right. Well, that's fair.
What do you wanna know?

512
00:33:34,520 --> 00:33:36,522
How many guys did you sleep with
before me?

513
00:33:36,680 --> 00:33:38,250
No, no, no.

514
00:33:38,400 --> 00:33:40,129
- No, no, no.
- Oh, come on.

515
00:33:40,280 --> 00:33:42,203
Come on. That's not important.

516
00:33:42,360 --> 00:33:44,886
- No, I know. But I'm just...
- You really need to know?

517
00:33:45,080 --> 00:33:46,730
- It just...
- Oh, okay.

518
00:33:46,920 --> 00:33:48,684
- I'm just curious.
- Okay, okay.

519
00:33:49,160 --> 00:33:51,481
Um, let's see.

520
00:33:56,600 --> 00:33:57,681
And then...

521
00:33:58,520 --> 00:34:00,124
Kind of taking you a little while, heh.

522
00:34:00,280 --> 00:34:02,681
Okay, uh, so around...

523
00:34:03,120 --> 00:34:04,360
- Th...
- Three.

524
00:34:05,040 --> 00:34:09,204
Three. That's actually reassuring,
because, heh, it's the same as me.

525
00:34:09,400 --> 00:34:11,721
No, didn't say three.

526
00:34:12,760 --> 00:34:14,489
Thirteen? Thirteen?

527
00:34:14,640 --> 00:34:16,802
- Nope.
- And it's not three?

528
00:34:16,960 --> 00:34:18,200
It's around 30.

529
00:34:18,360 --> 00:34:19,725
Thirty! Phew.

530
00:34:20,160 --> 00:34:21,571
Wow, holy cow.

531
00:34:21,720 --> 00:34:24,485
See, now I feel like you're judging me.

532
00:34:24,640 --> 00:34:25,880
I'm judging me.

533
00:34:26,800 --> 00:34:30,407
- Your number is so much higher than mine.
- Yes, it is a big number...

534
00:34:30,560 --> 00:34:33,166
but it doesn't matter.
Honey, it doesn't matter.

535
00:34:33,320 --> 00:34:36,085
You're so cool. I feel like a loser.

536
00:34:36,240 --> 00:34:38,720
You are not a loser, okay?

537
00:34:38,880 --> 00:34:42,885
Yeah? Because, uh, I had to work pretty hard
just to get those three.

538
00:34:44,040 --> 00:34:47,601
Had to take care of Jenny's grandfather
for months before she slept with me.

539
00:34:47,760 --> 00:34:50,445
- And he was racist.
- Please, don't base it on me.

540
00:34:50,600 --> 00:34:52,170
I was, like, crazy back then.

541
00:34:52,360 --> 00:34:55,728
I was completely immature
and acting out...

542
00:34:55,880 --> 00:34:58,645
and just really, like,
free with my body...

543
00:34:58,800 --> 00:35:00,962
and that's just not who I am anymore.

544
00:35:01,160 --> 00:35:02,525
That's not who we are.

545
00:35:02,680 --> 00:35:05,365
Well, we're pretty free with our bodies.

546
00:35:05,520 --> 00:35:06,931
But you have to admit...

547
00:35:07,120 --> 00:35:09,168
I feel like we've gotten...

548
00:35:09,800 --> 00:35:14,283
like, less free with our bodies.

549
00:35:14,440 --> 00:35:16,647
But we have sex every week
with our bodies.

550
00:35:16,840 --> 00:35:18,330
We do. But...

551
00:35:18,480 --> 00:35:21,689
I mean, it's gotten
a little routine, babe.

552
00:35:21,840 --> 00:35:26,050
You know, you always are lighting
that same Yankee Candle and everything.

553
00:35:26,200 --> 00:35:31,206
And I don't know, it might be nice to
mix it up a little bit every once in a while.

554
00:35:31,360 --> 00:35:32,521
Okay? No big deal.

555
00:35:32,680 --> 00:35:34,648
I'm gonna go take a shower, okay?

556
00:35:34,800 --> 00:35:36,689
I'm gonna take one with you.

557
00:35:37,760 --> 00:35:40,684
- Hmm?
- Uh... We'll have sex in it.

558
00:35:40,840 --> 00:35:42,444
Yeah. In the shower.

559
00:35:43,440 --> 00:35:46,762
How's that for getting free
with our bodies, Debbie Do-Anything?

560
00:35:46,920 --> 00:35:48,524
- I like that.
- Yeah.

561
00:35:48,680 --> 00:35:50,750
Oh, Russ.

562
00:35:52,520 --> 00:35:54,488
Just be careful not to drop the soap.

563
00:35:54,640 --> 00:35:55,971
Oh, I won't.

564
00:35:58,360 --> 00:35:59,521
What?

565
00:36:00,360 --> 00:36:03,443
- This is fun and different.
- I know. It is.

566
00:36:03,760 --> 00:36:06,570
You are so cute when you get
excited about stuff.

567
00:36:07,960 --> 00:36:10,167
You're, like, so cute always.

568
00:36:10,320 --> 00:36:12,641
Aw, honey.

569
00:36:14,720 --> 00:36:17,610
Oh, my... Holy shit!
Are those mushrooms?!

570
00:36:17,760 --> 00:36:18,886
Looks like somebody...

571
00:36:19,040 --> 00:36:20,929
- blew their head off in there.
- Oh, God.

572
00:36:21,880 --> 00:36:23,450
So should we, uh...?

573
00:36:23,600 --> 00:36:25,329
Should we get in or...?

574
00:36:26,440 --> 00:36:28,249
No, right, heh?

575
00:36:28,400 --> 00:36:32,007
Yeah. I'm gonna see if there's
something to clean that with.

576
00:36:32,160 --> 00:36:34,242
Hmm. Maybe the housekeeping left a...

577
00:36:34,400 --> 00:36:37,244
Oh, well, here's a Brillo Pad.

578
00:36:37,400 --> 00:36:38,811
I'll just...

579
00:36:38,960 --> 00:36:40,450
- Russ.
- Yeah.

580
00:36:40,600 --> 00:36:41,886
That's not a Brillo Pad.

581
00:36:42,040 --> 00:36:43,326
It's a ball of pubic hair.

582
00:36:45,960 --> 00:36:47,644
- Oh, my gosh.
- There's so much of it.

583
00:36:47,800 --> 00:36:51,043
Who has that much pubic hair?
It's not even possible.

584
00:36:51,200 --> 00:36:53,567
No, not one person.
That's all different colors.

585
00:36:55,520 --> 00:36:57,602
That's from like 30 different guys.

586
00:36:57,760 --> 00:36:59,444
Oh, shut up, Russ.

587
00:36:59,640 --> 00:37:01,051
No. I'm sorry.

588
00:37:01,200 --> 00:37:04,044
Through the curtains
hanging in the window

589
00:37:04,240 --> 00:37:08,245
In the evening on a Friday night

590
00:37:10,120 --> 00:37:12,930
Little light shining through the window

591
00:37:13,120 --> 00:37:18,206
Lets me know everything's
gonna be all right

592
00:37:19,400 --> 00:37:23,883
Summer breeze makes me feel fine

593
00:37:24,480 --> 00:37:27,484
Blowing through the jasmine in my mi...

594
00:37:27,680 --> 00:37:28,727
You're pretty good.

595
00:37:30,160 --> 00:37:33,687
Jeez, sorry.

596
00:37:33,840 --> 00:37:36,161
I, uh, heh, didn't mean to scare you.

597
00:37:37,920 --> 00:37:39,649
- Hi.
- Hi.

598
00:37:39,800 --> 00:37:43,122
- You were in the Jeep.
- And you were in that plastic bag.

599
00:37:43,960 --> 00:37:45,928
That was my stupid brother.

600
00:37:46,080 --> 00:37:47,923
Gotcha. Big brothers suck.

601
00:37:48,080 --> 00:37:49,161
Oh, no.

602
00:37:49,320 --> 00:37:51,641
Yeah, big, heh.

603
00:37:51,800 --> 00:37:52,961
I'm Adena.

604
00:37:53,560 --> 00:37:54,846
James.

605
00:37:55,040 --> 00:37:57,008
- I have a penis.
- What?

606
00:37:57,160 --> 00:37:58,685
It's on your guitar.

607
00:38:00,120 --> 00:38:02,202
- Same brother.
- What an asshole.

608
00:38:02,360 --> 00:38:03,964
Yeah.

609
00:38:04,120 --> 00:38:05,804
You wanna go in?

610
00:38:05,960 --> 00:38:07,325
Absolutely.

611
00:38:08,320 --> 00:38:10,243
Well, what have we here?

612
00:38:10,400 --> 00:38:13,207
Little Romeo and Juliet situation?

613
00:38:14,440 --> 00:38:16,920
My name's Russ.
Pleased to meet you both.

614
00:38:18,160 --> 00:38:21,482
I'm just a stranger,
passing through town.

615
00:38:21,640 --> 00:38:25,247
But I couldn't help noticing how
incredibly handsome this young man is.

616
00:38:25,400 --> 00:38:27,243
What's your story? You got a girlfriend?

617
00:38:27,400 --> 00:38:28,686
No.

618
00:38:28,840 --> 00:38:30,569
What? No girlfriend?

619
00:38:31,760 --> 00:38:34,047
Cute boy like that?
Somebody's gonna snatch you up.

620
00:38:34,200 --> 00:38:35,884
- Do you want me to call the cops?
- No.

621
00:38:36,080 --> 00:38:37,605
And he plays guitar?

622
00:38:37,760 --> 00:38:39,171
Dream boy.

623
00:38:39,960 --> 00:38:41,086
- Make a muscle.
- I'd...

624
00:38:41,240 --> 00:38:42,366
- Do it.
- ...rather not.

625
00:38:42,520 --> 00:38:44,204
Take your shirt off. Make a muscle.

626
00:38:44,360 --> 00:38:46,169
- I really don't want to.
- Don't be shy.

627
00:38:46,320 --> 00:38:48,129
- Show us what you're working with.
- All right.

628
00:38:48,280 --> 00:38:50,965
Um, I should go.

629
00:38:52,520 --> 00:38:54,648
Are you sure that you'll be okay?

630
00:38:54,800 --> 00:38:56,040
I think so.

631
00:38:56,200 --> 00:38:57,611
Okay.

632
00:39:00,520 --> 00:39:01,646
Bye.

633
00:39:02,240 --> 00:39:03,287
Dang it.

634
00:39:03,720 --> 00:39:06,644
- Dad, why would you do that?
- Saw you talking to her.

635
00:39:06,800 --> 00:39:09,883
- Figured you could use a wingman.
- I didn't need a wingman.

636
00:39:10,040 --> 00:39:13,761
- Well, heh, looks like you did. She left.
- That's because you were approaching...

637
00:39:13,920 --> 00:39:15,968
You know, James, when I was your age...

638
00:39:16,160 --> 00:39:20,643
Grandpa Clark sat me down
and we had a little chat.

639
00:39:20,800 --> 00:39:25,044
Seeing you with that girl made me
realize that we haven't had that chat yet.

640
00:39:25,200 --> 00:39:26,690
- We don't need that chat.
- Yeah?

641
00:39:26,880 --> 00:39:30,248
Come on, I know it's embarrassing,
but it'd be a lot more embarrassing...

642
00:39:30,400 --> 00:39:33,244
if you found yourself tummy to tummy
with a lady friend...

643
00:39:33,400 --> 00:39:36,244
- and didn't know what goes where.
- I know what goes where.

644
00:39:36,400 --> 00:39:37,526
- You do?
- Uh-huh.

645
00:39:37,680 --> 00:39:38,966
- You sure?
- Yep.

646
00:39:39,120 --> 00:39:41,964
All right, all right.
Well, I just want you to know...

647
00:39:42,120 --> 00:39:46,170
I'm here to answer any questions
you might have about that stuff.

648
00:39:46,360 --> 00:39:48,840
No matter how uncomfortable it seems.

649
00:39:50,880 --> 00:39:52,405
Yeah, okay.

650
00:39:52,560 --> 00:39:55,609
- Yeah, right. Here it comes.
- Yeah. All right. Okay.

651
00:39:56,080 --> 00:40:00,688
Uh, there were some kids at school
who were talking about...

652
00:40:00,840 --> 00:40:01,921
rim jobs.

653
00:40:02,080 --> 00:40:05,323
- Hmm.
- So, what's that? What's a rim job?

654
00:40:05,600 --> 00:40:07,443
- Rim jobs.
- Yeah.

655
00:40:07,920 --> 00:40:10,161
- Is that R-I-M?
- Mm-hm.

656
00:40:11,720 --> 00:40:13,643
Rim job. Country of origin.

657
00:40:13,840 --> 00:40:16,207
I don't know. Um, America.

658
00:40:16,360 --> 00:40:18,010
Can I hear it in a sentence?

659
00:40:19,200 --> 00:40:21,248
- What's a rim job, Dad?
- Oh.

660
00:40:22,880 --> 00:40:25,042
Well, rim job.

661
00:40:25,400 --> 00:40:28,927
I would guess a rim job is when you
kiss someone with your mouth closed.

662
00:40:29,080 --> 00:40:31,731
Right? So you're only using
the rim of your mouth.

663
00:40:32,480 --> 00:40:33,891
- That's it?
- Sure.

664
00:40:34,040 --> 00:40:37,169
It felt like it was something
way dirtier.

665
00:40:37,320 --> 00:40:39,288
No, I mean, what else could it be?

666
00:40:40,120 --> 00:40:41,326
Any other questions?

667
00:40:41,480 --> 00:40:43,084
I guess not.

668
00:40:43,280 --> 00:40:44,645
Good talk, James.

669
00:40:46,080 --> 00:40:50,165
Now, I hope you're not too old
to let your dad give you...

670
00:40:50,320 --> 00:40:51,810
a good-night rim job.

671
00:42:06,600 --> 00:42:09,251
Looks like we might get to
Aunt Audrey's before dinner.

672
00:42:09,400 --> 00:42:11,004
Will Uncle Stone be there?

673
00:42:11,160 --> 00:42:13,242
Yeah, I suppose he will.

674
00:42:13,400 --> 00:42:16,563
- Uncle Stone is cool.
- You have to be cool to be a celebrity.

675
00:42:17,120 --> 00:42:19,009
Heh. He's not exactly a celebrity.

676
00:42:19,160 --> 00:42:21,208
I mean, he's a local weatherman.
That's all.

677
00:42:21,360 --> 00:42:24,204
Uh, actually, Audrey said that
the networks are interested in him.

678
00:42:24,360 --> 00:42:25,407
- Yeah?
- Oh, yeah.

679
00:42:25,600 --> 00:42:26,965
All right. Well, good for him.

680
00:42:27,120 --> 00:42:30,488
- Think Uncle Stone will let me ride his horse?
- I don't see why not.

681
00:42:30,640 --> 00:42:33,007
- Do you think I can shoot his guns?
- No, you cannot.

682
00:42:33,720 --> 00:42:37,281
Too bad. I would've shot you
right off that fucking horse.

683
00:42:39,520 --> 00:42:42,603
I never would've imagined my sister
marrying such a conservative.

684
00:42:42,760 --> 00:42:46,287
Yeah, but just because Stone's
political beliefs are different than ours...

685
00:42:46,440 --> 00:42:48,727
doesn't mean he's not good-looking. I...

686
00:42:48,920 --> 00:42:50,649
A good person.

687
00:42:52,920 --> 00:42:54,331
- You said it.
- Uh, honey...

688
00:42:54,480 --> 00:42:55,527
Hey, look at that!

689
00:42:55,680 --> 00:42:58,490
Hot springs up ahead.
We've always wanted to do that.

690
00:42:58,680 --> 00:43:00,762
Oh, honey,
we don't wanna be late to Audrey's.

691
00:43:00,920 --> 00:43:03,082
So we're a few minutes late.

692
00:43:03,240 --> 00:43:07,040
We're on vacation. Right? Come on.
Let's have some fun.

693
00:43:07,760 --> 00:43:08,807
Okay.

694
00:43:16,840 --> 00:43:18,808
- Oh. Look at the line.
- This will take forever.

695
00:43:18,960 --> 00:43:22,282
Come on, guys. How often do we get
to soak in hot water?

696
00:43:22,440 --> 00:43:23,930
Every time we take a bath.

697
00:43:24,400 --> 00:43:26,528
No, this is different, okay?
This is natural.

698
00:43:26,680 --> 00:43:29,160
This water was heated
in Mother Nature's bowels.

699
00:43:29,320 --> 00:43:30,651
Oh. Gross.

700
00:43:31,120 --> 00:43:33,088
There's gotta be another way in.

701
00:43:34,040 --> 00:43:36,725
I'm gonna ask this gentleman.
I bet he'd know.

702
00:43:36,920 --> 00:43:38,365
Excuse me, sir.

703
00:43:38,520 --> 00:43:39,851
- Hi there.
- Hey. Hi.

704
00:43:40,040 --> 00:43:44,170
Hey, we were wondering. Is there
another entrance to the hot springs?

705
00:43:44,320 --> 00:43:46,561
Like a secret entrance the locals use?

706
00:43:46,720 --> 00:43:50,884
- Line can get pretty long this time of year, huh?
- Yeah. Yeah, it sure can.

707
00:43:51,040 --> 00:43:52,451
Yeah, I'll tell you what you'll do.

708
00:43:52,600 --> 00:43:55,683
Uh, can you see that dirt road?
That path there on the left?

709
00:43:55,840 --> 00:43:58,446
- Yeah.
- If you just follow that all the way up...

710
00:43:58,600 --> 00:44:00,443
that'll take you to the hot springs.

711
00:44:00,600 --> 00:44:02,489
All right, perfect. Thank you.

712
00:44:02,640 --> 00:44:05,610
Oh, no, no. You bet.
Y'all have a good time.

713
00:44:05,760 --> 00:44:07,728
- Oh, will do, heh.
- Heh.

714
00:44:07,920 --> 00:44:09,490
Hey, what's your pet rat's name?

715
00:44:09,640 --> 00:44:11,324
Is my pet what?

716
00:44:11,800 --> 00:44:14,246
What the fuck? What the fuck?!
What the fuck?!

717
00:44:15,600 --> 00:44:16,761
I don't know him.

718
00:44:27,480 --> 00:44:31,166
Honey, are you sure about this?
I mean, nobody else is going this way.

719
00:44:31,680 --> 00:44:35,810
Yeah, well, most people think
inside the box.

720
00:44:36,440 --> 00:44:38,681
But you know who thinks outside the box?

721
00:44:38,840 --> 00:44:40,683
Uncle Stone?

722
00:44:40,840 --> 00:44:43,491
Me. Your father.

723
00:44:47,920 --> 00:44:51,242
Um, honey, I don't see any hot springs.

724
00:44:51,400 --> 00:44:54,324
Well, the guy said it was
right at the end of this road, so...

725
00:44:54,480 --> 00:44:58,690
Well, the guy also did not know he had
a rat on his shoulder, so there's that.

726
00:44:58,880 --> 00:44:59,927
Hold on.

727
00:45:08,800 --> 00:45:11,280
Wow, honey, this is beautiful.

728
00:45:11,440 --> 00:45:13,886
- Isn't it?
- Yeah.

729
00:45:15,160 --> 00:45:16,605
All right, everyone.

730
00:45:16,760 --> 00:45:19,240
In your bathing suits. Now! Heh.

731
00:45:20,680 --> 00:45:24,366
Looks like we found our
own private hot spring.

732
00:45:25,200 --> 00:45:28,602
- I say we call it "Griswold Springs."
- Heh.

733
00:45:29,640 --> 00:45:32,371
- The water's perfect.
- Oh, my God. It's so nice.

734
00:45:32,520 --> 00:45:34,284
Why does it smell like rotten eggs?

735
00:45:34,440 --> 00:45:36,920
- That's the sulfur, buddy. It's natural.
- Yeah.

736
00:45:37,080 --> 00:45:39,162
Yeah. And it's really good for you too.

737
00:45:39,320 --> 00:45:42,051
Actually, the minerals that are
in this mud here...

738
00:45:42,200 --> 00:45:44,123
they draw toxins out of your body.

739
00:45:44,760 --> 00:45:45,807
Can you believe that?

740
00:45:45,960 --> 00:45:47,121
Cool, right?

741
00:45:51,200 --> 00:45:52,247
Oh, wow.

742
00:45:53,120 --> 00:45:56,567
Mm. This is perfect.

743
00:45:56,960 --> 00:45:58,644
It's exactly what we needed.

744
00:45:58,800 --> 00:46:01,041
Oh, yeah. Good call, Griswold.

745
00:46:03,720 --> 00:46:05,882
- Oh, man.
- Yeah.

746
00:46:06,040 --> 00:46:08,281
- Oh, yeah. That's it.
- That's it. That's it.

747
00:46:08,440 --> 00:46:10,966
I can feel my body detoxifying.

748
00:46:16,160 --> 00:46:17,207
You know...

749
00:46:18,320 --> 00:46:21,767
it tastes a little shitty, but I think
that's part of it. That's okay.

750
00:46:21,960 --> 00:46:23,485
This is wonderful.

751
00:46:28,600 --> 00:46:30,682
That is the stuff.

752
00:46:31,680 --> 00:46:32,761
What is that, honey?

753
00:46:32,920 --> 00:46:34,843
On your ear. What's on your ear?

754
00:46:35,160 --> 00:46:36,241
What is that?

755
00:46:37,840 --> 00:46:38,966
It's an ear!

756
00:46:41,120 --> 00:46:43,009
Look, James. Found a dart.

757
00:46:43,200 --> 00:46:44,565
Are you crazy?

758
00:46:44,720 --> 00:46:47,326
Oh, my God!
Everybody out of Griswold Springs!

759
00:46:47,480 --> 00:46:49,448
- Get out of the poop!
- That was nasty!

760
00:46:50,640 --> 00:46:51,687
All over me!

761
00:46:52,280 --> 00:46:54,089
I don't like Griswold Springs.

762
00:46:55,440 --> 00:46:56,487
Is that our car alarm?

763
00:46:58,560 --> 00:46:59,721
What?

764
00:47:00,320 --> 00:47:04,689
Ugh. How come that local guy didn't tell us
there are thieves in these woods?

765
00:47:05,880 --> 00:47:06,927
Oh, right.

766
00:47:08,360 --> 00:47:09,407
He took my guitar.

767
00:47:09,560 --> 00:47:11,449
Oh, my God. He took all our money, Russ.

768
00:47:11,640 --> 00:47:13,369
All right, not a best-case scenario.

769
00:47:13,520 --> 00:47:14,851
But, hey.

770
00:47:15,000 --> 00:47:16,604
He left your book.

771
00:47:16,760 --> 00:47:20,128
So, I guess we get the last laugh.

772
00:47:20,280 --> 00:47:21,327
Oh, really, honey?

773
00:47:21,520 --> 00:47:23,727
We're naked and covered in human waste.

774
00:47:23,880 --> 00:47:26,884
Oh, come on, sweetheart.
We don't know that it's human.

775
00:47:34,320 --> 00:47:37,290
This is so embarrassing.
I feel like your cousin Eddie's family.

776
00:47:37,440 --> 00:47:41,081
It's no big deal. We'll just tell
Stone and Audrey what happened.

777
00:47:41,240 --> 00:47:42,810
Kids, remember what happened?

778
00:47:43,000 --> 00:47:45,401
We pulled over to rescue a baby
from a burning car...

779
00:47:45,560 --> 00:47:48,564
and somebody stole all of our stuff
while we were distracted.

780
00:47:48,760 --> 00:47:51,331
And why are we naked
and covered in feces?

781
00:47:51,480 --> 00:47:53,005
I don't remember.

782
00:47:53,160 --> 00:47:55,481
That's right. We don't remember.

783
00:48:14,040 --> 00:48:15,565
Oh, my God.

784
00:48:16,760 --> 00:48:18,569
Oh, come on.

785
00:48:21,520 --> 00:48:24,490
- What're we gonna do?
- Can you give me a hand with this? Please?

786
00:48:24,640 --> 00:48:27,246
Just... Yeah.

787
00:48:27,400 --> 00:48:28,925
Oh, gosh.

788
00:48:29,080 --> 00:48:31,526
- I can't. I can't get it off.
- Just use your spit.

789
00:48:31,720 --> 00:48:32,846
Oh, okay.

790
00:48:34,440 --> 00:48:35,601
Focus on the balls.

791
00:48:35,760 --> 00:48:37,922
If you guys wanna stop,
that'd be good too.

792
00:48:39,960 --> 00:48:42,167
Stay on the balls. I've got the shaft.

793
00:48:43,120 --> 00:48:44,201
Hi, y'all!

794
00:48:44,960 --> 00:48:46,644
Hey. Oh, my goodness. Hi.

795
00:48:46,800 --> 00:48:48,165
What happened?

796
00:48:48,800 --> 00:48:50,086
Well, that's a...

797
00:48:50,280 --> 00:48:52,009
It's a crazy story...

798
00:48:52,160 --> 00:48:53,889
Dad got scammed by a guy at a park.

799
00:48:54,040 --> 00:48:56,247
- Kevin.
- Same old Rusty.

800
00:48:56,400 --> 00:48:57,890
You'd buy water from a faucet.

801
00:49:02,000 --> 00:49:04,128
Anyway, you guys look disgusting.

802
00:49:04,280 --> 00:49:06,681
I have some clothes
I was gonna give to the church...

803
00:49:06,880 --> 00:49:08,928
if you guys wanna borrow some of those.

804
00:49:09,080 --> 00:49:10,570
- Great. Thank you, Audrey.
- Yeah.

805
00:49:10,760 --> 00:49:12,728
- Come on inside.
- All right.

806
00:49:12,880 --> 00:49:14,609
Boy, y'all stink.

807
00:49:18,240 --> 00:49:20,129
Oh, I don't like that.

808
00:49:21,080 --> 00:49:24,323
Man, this place makes our house
look like shit.

809
00:49:24,520 --> 00:49:29,845
Well, Kevin, that's only because a dollar goes
much further out here than it does in Chicago.

810
00:49:30,480 --> 00:49:33,131
Especially when you make a
lot more of them, heh.

811
00:49:34,200 --> 00:49:35,440
Just messing with you.

812
00:49:35,600 --> 00:49:38,683
Shoot, you boys are growing faster
than a weed under a faucet.

813
00:49:38,840 --> 00:49:41,605
- You still rassling, son?
- Uh-huh.

814
00:49:41,800 --> 00:49:43,484
Uh-huh. Oh, come on.
Show me what you got.

815
00:49:47,440 --> 00:49:51,331
- Hey, Kevin. Get off your brother, please.
- They're just having themselves a rassle.

816
00:49:51,480 --> 00:49:54,529
- It's what brothers do.
- Hey, oh, look at you guys.

817
00:49:54,720 --> 00:49:58,167
Hot damn. Debbie Griswold.
You just keep getting prettier.

818
00:49:58,320 --> 00:50:00,482
- Oh, stop.
- No, I mean it.

819
00:50:01,000 --> 00:50:03,890
You could make hot water
come out of the cold faucet.

820
00:50:05,880 --> 00:50:07,530
Oh, heh. That's very sweet.

821
00:50:07,680 --> 00:50:10,286
You know, I remember the night
you first wore that dress.

822
00:50:10,480 --> 00:50:12,721
- You remember that night?
- I remember that night.

823
00:50:12,880 --> 00:50:15,645
- I'll never forget that night.
- Neither will I, baby.

824
00:50:15,800 --> 00:50:17,131
You're my fucking husband.

825
00:50:17,320 --> 00:50:19,368
Oh, betcha, I am. I'm your caveman.

826
00:50:20,840 --> 00:50:22,649
I'll rip you in half.

827
00:50:23,680 --> 00:50:25,648
I wanna have all your babies.

828
00:50:25,800 --> 00:50:27,928
Oh, baby.

829
00:50:29,880 --> 00:50:32,326
I hit the fucking jackpot with you.

830
00:50:32,480 --> 00:50:34,403
Oh, God, what I'm gonna do
to you tonight.

831
00:50:36,080 --> 00:50:38,401
Who wants to see Stone's man cave?

832
00:50:40,480 --> 00:50:41,527
Yeah.

833
00:50:41,720 --> 00:50:43,165
Is this Charlton Heston?

834
00:50:43,320 --> 00:50:45,322
Yep, Chuck was a good friend.

835
00:50:45,520 --> 00:50:48,729
I can't tell you how many nights
we spent drinking bourbon together...

836
00:50:48,880 --> 00:50:50,848
crying about the state of this country.

837
00:50:51,000 --> 00:50:53,606
It's true, they did.
They literally cried together.

838
00:50:53,760 --> 00:50:56,843
Hmm. Somehow I don't see you
crying, though, Stone.

839
00:50:57,000 --> 00:50:58,525
Yeah, that's, uh...

840
00:50:58,680 --> 00:51:00,489
That's kind of embarrassing, right?

841
00:51:01,280 --> 00:51:02,930
Not embarrassing to me.

842
00:51:03,120 --> 00:51:06,169
Even the strongest faucet
sometimes lets out a few drops, heh.

843
00:51:06,320 --> 00:51:08,561
What is with these faucets?

844
00:51:08,720 --> 00:51:10,404
Everyone thought that F-4 twister...

845
00:51:10,560 --> 00:51:13,006
- was gonna bypass Harris County.
- Not my Stone.

846
00:51:13,160 --> 00:51:17,882
I had a feeling that that low-pressure system
was gonna make a beeline for Mission Bend.

847
00:51:18,520 --> 00:51:22,605
Thanks to my report, those people had
an extra 15 minutes to evacuate.

848
00:51:22,800 --> 00:51:26,168
- Ah.
- Governor Perry said he saved 2000 lives.

849
00:51:26,320 --> 00:51:29,130
That's how many we lost
at Pearl Harbor...

850
00:51:29,280 --> 00:51:32,489
so basically he stopped Pearl Harbor.

851
00:51:32,640 --> 00:51:35,371
That's when the national news called.
Now, between us...

852
00:51:35,520 --> 00:51:36,726
it's looking good. Ain't it, honey?

853
00:51:38,880 --> 00:51:42,521
Course none of that would've been
possible without my sugar mama here...

854
00:51:42,680 --> 00:51:45,524
working day and night to put me
through meteorology school.

855
00:51:45,680 --> 00:51:48,809
I liked working, baby.
I didn't mind it one bit.

856
00:51:49,000 --> 00:51:51,082
Well, you never have
to do it again, darling.

857
00:51:51,240 --> 00:51:52,890
But it kind of gave me purpose.

858
00:51:53,040 --> 00:51:55,749
Nope, never again. That is a promise.

859
00:51:56,520 --> 00:51:59,046
Wow, Uncle Stone, I may not agree
with your politics...

860
00:51:59,200 --> 00:52:02,249
- but that doesn't mean I don't admire you.
- Well, thank you.

861
00:52:02,400 --> 00:52:06,291
But the man you should admire the most
is sitting right next to you.

862
00:52:06,840 --> 00:52:08,524
But there's nobody there.

863
00:52:08,680 --> 00:52:11,160
Oh, I don't mean that chair.
I mean your pa right here.

864
00:52:11,320 --> 00:52:12,560
Okay, heh.

865
00:52:12,720 --> 00:52:14,768
- He doesn't save anybody's life.
- Doesn't he?

866
00:52:15,520 --> 00:52:19,525
Well, every time he flies that little plane
of his, he's saving lives by not crashing.

867
00:52:19,680 --> 00:52:20,806
And in my book...

868
00:52:21,360 --> 00:52:22,646
that makes him a hero.

869
00:52:23,440 --> 00:52:25,761
Thank you.
You know, a lot of people actually...

870
00:52:25,920 --> 00:52:30,323
Not to mention, he also snagged himself
one sweet slice of foxy pie in your mama there.

871
00:52:30,480 --> 00:52:33,484
You gotta stop that today. Stop it.

872
00:52:34,440 --> 00:52:37,046
You know what I always wanted
to know was...

873
00:52:37,640 --> 00:52:40,803
when did you first know the weather?

874
00:52:42,160 --> 00:52:43,207
You all right, Deb?

875
00:52:43,400 --> 00:52:45,323
- What?
- Hey, there's a cow.

876
00:52:46,800 --> 00:52:48,564
Oh, not a cow. That's a steer.

877
00:52:48,720 --> 00:52:53,582
That there is $6000 worth of juicy,
purebred Angus beef.

878
00:52:53,700 --> 00:52:57,443
It's Stone's new passion, raising cattle.
He's even named them.

879
00:52:57,640 --> 00:53:01,087
Uh-huh. Old Sebastian here
loves him some ribs.

880
00:53:01,280 --> 00:53:02,441
Here you go, boy.

881
00:53:02,600 --> 00:53:04,762
Yeah. Oh, that's it.

882
00:53:07,160 --> 00:53:10,130
- Dad, isn't that...?
- Cannibalism? Yeah.

883
00:53:10,280 --> 00:53:14,126
You boys get up early tomorrow, you can
watch me herd these suckers into the corral.

884
00:53:14,320 --> 00:53:16,163
- Oh!
- Wait a minute, wait a minute.

885
00:53:16,320 --> 00:53:17,731
You herd them yourself?

886
00:53:17,920 --> 00:53:19,490
Heh, I'm a man, aren't I?

887
00:53:19,640 --> 00:53:21,051
Yes.

888
00:53:22,240 --> 00:53:25,687
Uh, hey, Stone, not sure if you need
a hand out there, but I'd love to help.

889
00:53:25,840 --> 00:53:29,128
Sure thing. If you're up for it
I can always use an extra set of hands.

890
00:53:29,280 --> 00:53:32,762
Well, I was born
with an extra set of hands.

891
00:53:33,680 --> 00:53:35,523
That's an odd thing to say, heh.

892
00:53:36,080 --> 00:53:38,447
But I reckon this'll be
the highlight of your trip.

893
00:53:38,600 --> 00:53:42,207
Well, the real highlight, of course,
will be when we get to Walley World...

894
00:53:42,400 --> 00:53:46,405
and I take my family
on the Velociraptor.

895
00:53:46,560 --> 00:53:50,246
I think it is so weird. I don't know why
you want to go back to Walley World...

896
00:53:50,400 --> 00:53:51,845
after Dad flipped out there.

897
00:53:52,040 --> 00:53:56,170
Audrey, Dad flipped out because
he loved us and wanted us to be close.

898
00:53:56,320 --> 00:53:59,830
And we were.
And that's all I want for my family.

899
00:54:00,760 --> 00:54:02,444
You're such a clown.

900
00:54:02,600 --> 00:54:03,965
You're a clown.

901
00:54:04,120 --> 00:54:05,929
Babe, baby, I think Rusty's right.

902
00:54:06,080 --> 00:54:10,483
You know, family is the most
important thing there is.

903
00:54:10,680 --> 00:54:12,489
Little something...

904
00:54:15,480 --> 00:54:17,721
Maybe we'll take baby Cooper
on a trip this summer.

905
00:54:17,880 --> 00:54:19,166
Yeah, not to Walley World.

906
00:54:19,360 --> 00:54:21,010
- Oh, God, no.
- Because that'd be stupid.

907
00:54:21,160 --> 00:54:23,367
That'd be stupid. How about Paris?

908
00:54:26,400 --> 00:54:29,210
And then we get back
I can maybe get a part-time job?

909
00:54:29,360 --> 00:54:32,284
Well, not while there's breath
in my body, sweetheart.

910
00:54:37,120 --> 00:54:39,691
You know, honey, I am really happy
for your sister.

911
00:54:39,880 --> 00:54:40,927
- Yeah?
- Seriously.

912
00:54:41,080 --> 00:54:43,924
She and Stone seem really in love.
It's nice.

913
00:54:44,080 --> 00:54:47,084
These pants Stone gave me are really
stretched out in the crotch.

914
00:54:47,240 --> 00:54:49,402
Weird. Why would they be
stretched out in the...?

915
00:54:49,560 --> 00:54:51,210
- God, I don't know.
- Holy shit.

916
00:54:51,360 --> 00:54:53,647
How much you think they paid
for this house?

917
00:54:54,960 --> 00:54:58,442
Whoa. Oh, okay, whoa.

918
00:54:58,600 --> 00:55:00,762
Oh, should I see if Audrey has
a Yankee Candle?

919
00:55:00,920 --> 00:55:03,571
Fuck the Yankee Candle.
I wanna do this now.

920
00:55:04,720 --> 00:55:07,963
- Oh, God, you're so sexy. Oh, my God.
- Oh, what has gotten into you?

921
00:55:09,240 --> 00:55:10,446
What? What, what?

922
00:55:11,360 --> 00:55:12,885
This is because of him, isn't it?

923
00:55:13,080 --> 00:55:14,411
What? Who?

924
00:55:15,240 --> 00:55:16,810
Because of who?

925
00:55:17,000 --> 00:55:18,331
Because of Stone.

926
00:55:18,480 --> 00:55:20,801
- What?
- That's why you're jumping my bones.

927
00:55:21,000 --> 00:55:23,048
- You're thinking of him.
- That's ridiculous.

928
00:55:23,200 --> 00:55:25,248
Then how come the one night
we're with him...

929
00:55:25,400 --> 00:55:29,883
- you turn into some kind of sexual character?
- I don't know where you're going with this...

930
00:55:30,040 --> 00:55:32,407
- Where's your wedding ring?
- Oh, my God.

931
00:55:32,560 --> 00:55:34,927
Before we got here, you took off
your wedding ring?

932
00:55:35,080 --> 00:55:37,048
No, I didn't, Rusty. It was loose.

933
00:55:37,200 --> 00:55:38,645
You remember how loose it was?

934
00:55:38,800 --> 00:55:40,882
And I must've just dropped it somewhere.

935
00:55:41,040 --> 00:55:44,089
What was the plan? Show up
with no ring, he'll think you're single?

936
00:55:44,240 --> 00:55:46,891
How will he think I'm single
if I'm here with my husband?

937
00:55:47,040 --> 00:55:48,724
I don't know. It was your plan.

938
00:55:48,880 --> 00:55:50,962
It was not my pl... Okay.

939
00:55:52,240 --> 00:55:57,371
Yes, Stone is an impressive man, okay?

940
00:55:57,560 --> 00:55:59,449
But I married you, Rusty.

941
00:55:59,600 --> 00:56:01,841
And I am so sorry that I lost my ring...

942
00:56:02,040 --> 00:56:05,931
but I would never, ever, ever
take it off on purpose.

943
00:56:08,640 --> 00:56:10,961
I know, I know. I just...

944
00:56:13,240 --> 00:56:15,766
I freaked out. I'm sorry. I just...

945
00:56:17,080 --> 00:56:18,320
We'll get you another ring.

946
00:56:18,520 --> 00:56:20,170
I liked that one.

947
00:56:22,640 --> 00:56:24,324
Hey, y'all decent?

948
00:56:24,520 --> 00:56:25,931
- Yes. Hi.
- Hey.

949
00:56:26,080 --> 00:56:29,846
Okay. Just wanted to make sure y'all
had everything you needed for the night.

950
00:56:30,560 --> 00:56:31,686
Yep.

951
00:56:32,680 --> 00:56:33,806
All right.

952
00:56:34,560 --> 00:56:37,769
Man, it sure is beautiful here
this time of year, ain't it?

953
00:56:38,800 --> 00:56:41,121
And quiet. Listen.

954
00:56:41,800 --> 00:56:43,211
You hear that?

955
00:56:45,400 --> 00:56:47,801
- No.
- Exactly. It's perfect silence.

956
00:56:48,000 --> 00:56:49,240
Hmm.

957
00:56:50,080 --> 00:56:52,082
Yeah, yeah.

958
00:56:52,240 --> 00:56:56,165
Well, uh, TV remote.
Okay, let me show you.

959
00:56:56,320 --> 00:56:58,448
I've got, uh, channels...

960
00:56:58,640 --> 00:57:00,051
and the volume.

961
00:57:00,200 --> 00:57:01,565
On. Off.

962
00:57:02,080 --> 00:57:04,003
- Pretty straightforward.
- Yeah.

963
00:57:04,160 --> 00:57:06,367
- Yeah.
- Great.

964
00:57:06,520 --> 00:57:07,567
All right.

965
00:57:07,720 --> 00:57:11,520
Well, uh, if you get thirsty,
there's fresh milk in the fridge...

966
00:57:11,680 --> 00:57:14,684
and have yourselves a good night.

967
00:57:14,840 --> 00:57:16,968
- Uh-huh.
- Okay.

968
00:57:17,160 --> 00:57:19,322
- Night, Stone.
- Good night, Stone.

969
00:57:20,040 --> 00:57:21,166
Man.

970
00:57:22,840 --> 00:57:24,251
Yeah.

971
00:57:27,360 --> 00:57:28,521
Okay.

972
00:57:31,280 --> 00:57:34,250
He totally just came in here
to show off his six-pack.

973
00:57:38,280 --> 00:57:39,691
Hey, morning.

974
00:57:39,880 --> 00:57:41,882
Ugh, barely.

975
00:57:42,040 --> 00:57:43,769
How come you gotta do this at 6 a.m.?

976
00:57:43,920 --> 00:57:46,127
Well, I gotta be
at the station by 7:30...

977
00:57:46,280 --> 00:57:48,931
for Stone Crandall's AccuWeather Report.

978
00:57:49,760 --> 00:57:51,603
Hey, you ever ride one of these things?

979
00:57:52,600 --> 00:57:54,011
No, never have.

980
00:57:54,160 --> 00:57:58,882
But, uh, can't imagine it's more
complicated than an Airbus A318.

981
00:57:59,040 --> 00:58:01,566
Heh, yeah, well, that's the spirit.

982
00:58:01,720 --> 00:58:05,042
Now, the key here is to move
back and forth along the edge of the herd.

983
00:58:05,200 --> 00:58:08,329
You keep your distance, though.
You don't want to spook them.

984
00:58:08,480 --> 00:58:10,130
Got it.

985
00:58:10,280 --> 00:58:11,645
Okay.

986
00:58:12,720 --> 00:58:13,801
Are there helmets?

987
00:58:14,360 --> 00:58:16,442
Yeah, I keep them with the tampons.

988
00:58:17,000 --> 00:58:18,945
Just basic safety.

989
00:58:25,920 --> 00:58:27,285
This is exciting!

990
00:58:27,480 --> 00:58:30,211
It's my favorite way to start the day.

991
00:58:30,720 --> 00:58:32,449
This, and making love to your sister.

992
00:58:33,080 --> 00:58:34,320
Thank you for that.

993
00:58:39,160 --> 00:58:40,491
Come on, let's go!

994
00:58:41,320 --> 00:58:43,527
It looks like we got us
a couple of mavericks.

995
00:58:43,680 --> 00:58:46,524
You take the one on the left.
I'll take the one on the right.

996
00:58:46,680 --> 00:58:48,523
Unless you need my help with yours.

997
00:58:48,680 --> 00:58:50,125
No, I think I got it.

998
00:58:50,280 --> 00:58:52,328
Last one to the corral's
a rotten cowpoke.

999
00:58:58,440 --> 00:58:59,885
Let's go!

1000
00:59:00,040 --> 00:59:02,122
Go! Get up! Get up! Get up! Let's go!

1001
00:59:03,800 --> 00:59:04,847
Whoa!

1002
00:59:12,240 --> 00:59:13,526
Hey!

1003
00:59:14,920 --> 00:59:16,160
Holy shit!

1004
00:59:17,880 --> 00:59:18,961
Oh, my gosh!

1005
00:59:26,160 --> 00:59:27,810
Is the cow okay?

1006
00:59:28,000 --> 00:59:31,083
No, the cow's not okay, Russ.
You drove plumb through him.

1007
00:59:31,240 --> 00:59:32,810
Oh, no, Sebastian.

1008
00:59:35,200 --> 00:59:36,611
Gross.

1009
00:59:50,560 --> 00:59:51,846
Hey, gang, uh...

1010
00:59:52,520 --> 00:59:54,921
Maybe for lunch we could find
a burger place.

1011
00:59:55,200 --> 00:59:56,964
You know, like a, uh...

1012
00:59:57,640 --> 01:00:00,802
Like a drive-through burger place.

1013
01:00:02,320 --> 01:00:04,527
I don't know, Dad.
I think we should, uh...

1014
01:00:04,680 --> 01:00:06,921
steer clear of that.

1015
01:00:07,120 --> 01:00:09,726
- Good one, James.
- All right, enough, you guys.

1016
01:00:09,880 --> 01:00:14,202
Dad hit a cow, okay? Let's just move on.

1017
01:00:15,000 --> 01:00:16,968
- Oh, I got one.
- Yeah? Let's hear it.

1018
01:00:17,360 --> 01:00:19,442
James is a piece of shit.

1019
01:00:19,600 --> 01:00:21,682
You kind of missed
the point there, buddy.

1020
01:00:59,000 --> 01:01:01,765
- Hey, hey.
- What? What is it? What's wrong?

1021
01:01:01,920 --> 01:01:03,126
- Is everything okay?
- Yeah.

1022
01:01:03,280 --> 01:01:04,770
- No, nothing's wrong.
- Okay.

1023
01:01:04,920 --> 01:01:06,968
- Well, what?
- I have an idea.

1024
01:01:07,240 --> 01:01:10,130
And it's gonna sound crazy,
but hear me out, okay?

1025
01:01:10,280 --> 01:01:11,930
- Okay.
- Okay.

1026
01:01:12,640 --> 01:01:15,007
We're right near
the Four Corners Monument...

1027
01:01:15,160 --> 01:01:18,084
which is where four states
come together in one spot.

1028
01:01:18,240 --> 01:01:20,846
- So?
- Let's go have sex on it.

1029
01:01:21,440 --> 01:01:22,521
What? Heh.

1030
01:01:23,800 --> 01:01:27,486
Yeah, that way we can make love in
four states at the same time.

1031
01:01:27,640 --> 01:01:28,721
Wait.

1032
01:01:29,160 --> 01:01:30,730
You're serious?

1033
01:01:31,280 --> 01:01:34,489
Yeah. I mean, you're the one who
said we should mix it up.

1034
01:01:34,640 --> 01:01:37,644
What's more mixed-up than sex
on a public monument?

1035
01:01:38,680 --> 01:01:40,682
Um, pretty sure Debbie Do-Anything
would do it.

1036
01:01:40,880 --> 01:01:42,962
Okay, well, Debbie Do-Anything
was a dumbass.

1037
01:01:43,120 --> 01:01:45,168
Maybe that's what we need.

1038
01:01:45,320 --> 01:01:47,402
To be dumbasses together.

1039
01:01:48,400 --> 01:01:50,050
What about the kids?

1040
01:01:50,880 --> 01:01:52,450
Well, Kevin's kind of a dumbass.

1041
01:01:52,640 --> 01:01:53,766
No, no, honey.

1042
01:01:53,920 --> 01:01:56,002
What are we gonna do about them?

1043
01:01:56,280 --> 01:01:58,442
They're fine. They're fast asleep.

1044
01:01:58,600 --> 01:02:00,967
We'll be back
before they know we're gone.

1045
01:02:01,760 --> 01:02:02,886
- Okay.
- Yeah?

1046
01:02:03,040 --> 01:02:04,610
All right, let's do it.

1047
01:02:21,000 --> 01:02:22,206
Mom?

1048
01:02:23,240 --> 01:02:24,287
Dad?

1049
01:02:30,040 --> 01:02:31,724
- James?
- Mom?

1050
01:02:33,320 --> 01:02:36,563
- Adena?
- Are you, like, stalking me or something?

1051
01:02:36,720 --> 01:02:38,802
No. What? No.

1052
01:02:38,960 --> 01:02:40,689
I'm kidding.

1053
01:02:40,840 --> 01:02:41,921
- Relax, heh.
- Oh!

1054
01:02:44,760 --> 01:02:49,402
Hey, what happened with that perv
who was hitting on you in Arkansas?

1055
01:02:50,480 --> 01:02:52,369
That was actually my dad.

1056
01:02:53,240 --> 01:02:55,402
He was trying to be my wingman.

1057
01:02:55,560 --> 01:02:57,801
Oh, my God.

1058
01:02:58,560 --> 01:03:00,961
He's a really shitty wingman.

1059
01:03:04,120 --> 01:03:06,441
So no guitar tonight?

1060
01:03:07,160 --> 01:03:08,810
It got stolen.

1061
01:03:09,440 --> 01:03:10,930
That sucks.

1062
01:03:11,880 --> 01:03:13,689
I really liked hearing you play.

1063
01:03:15,120 --> 01:03:16,167
You did?

1064
01:03:16,320 --> 01:03:18,971
Yeah, I've always had
a thing for musicians.

1065
01:03:21,640 --> 01:03:23,768
Well, good...

1066
01:03:23,920 --> 01:03:26,890
because I've always had a thing for...

1067
01:03:27,480 --> 01:03:29,005
pretty girls.

1068
01:03:31,760 --> 01:03:33,205
Well played.

1069
01:03:35,520 --> 01:03:37,727
See? You don't need a wingman.

1070
01:03:46,320 --> 01:03:47,685
Here it is.

1071
01:03:48,040 --> 01:03:49,804
Oh, my God. This is so illegal.

1072
01:03:49,960 --> 01:03:52,770
- I know, it's so hot, right?
- Yeah.

1073
01:03:52,920 --> 01:03:55,333
I am hard as a faucet right now.

1074
01:03:56,040 --> 01:03:58,930
- I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
- Oh. No. I like it.

1075
01:03:59,080 --> 01:04:00,127
- Yeah?
- Yeah.

1076
01:04:00,280 --> 01:04:01,327
- Yeah?
- I do.

1077
01:04:01,520 --> 01:04:03,921
- You like it when I slap that ass?
- I do, I do, heh.

1078
01:04:04,080 --> 01:04:07,368
- Good. I'm gonna beat the shit out of your ass.
- Whoa, Russ.

1079
01:04:07,520 --> 01:04:09,409
Okay, right here?

1080
01:04:14,720 --> 01:04:17,485
- We're about to have sex outside.
- I know. Heh, I know.

1081
01:04:17,640 --> 01:04:20,211
- Do you want me to put a finger in?
- In what?

1082
01:04:20,360 --> 01:04:21,486
- Never mind.
- Okay, okay.

1083
01:04:22,040 --> 01:04:23,371
Y'all wanna keep it down?

1084
01:04:23,520 --> 01:04:26,126
- Yeah! Yeah!
- Hey, watch it, man!

1085
01:04:26,280 --> 01:04:28,760
- Get your leg off me!
- You're so slippery and sweaty!

1086
01:04:28,920 --> 01:04:32,003
If you're here to have sex on the Corners,
we're next. Get in line.

1087
01:04:32,240 --> 01:04:33,685
- Oh, my gosh.
- Oh, God.

1088
01:04:38,040 --> 01:04:39,690
Oh, God!

1089
01:04:40,400 --> 01:04:42,209
Oh, God! They're in every state!

1090
01:04:42,360 --> 01:04:43,771
So many boobies out here!

1091
01:04:43,920 --> 01:04:45,410
You two! Freeze!

1092
01:04:45,560 --> 01:04:46,766
Go, go, go!

1093
01:04:46,920 --> 01:04:47,967
Hands up!

1094
01:04:48,120 --> 01:04:49,963
- Run! Honey, run!
- Get your shoe!

1095
01:04:50,120 --> 01:04:52,441
Drop the flashlight!

1096
01:04:52,600 --> 01:04:56,525
You do know public indecency
is a crime in the state of Utah?

1097
01:04:56,680 --> 01:04:57,727
Yes. Sorry, officer.

1098
01:04:57,880 --> 01:05:01,009
- See, we're married, and we wanted to just...
- Save it for the judge.

1099
01:05:01,160 --> 01:05:05,404
It makes me sick how you deviants show up
and desecrate this holy place every night.

1100
01:05:05,560 --> 01:05:08,006
- Turn around. Hands behind your back.
- What?

1101
01:05:08,160 --> 01:05:09,810
Not so fast, Tommy.

1102
01:05:09,960 --> 01:05:12,440
Shoot for sherbet.
What are you doing here, Kyle?

1103
01:05:12,600 --> 01:05:16,207
These people are clearly in the state
of Colorado. That's my jurisdiction.

1104
01:05:16,360 --> 01:05:18,169
Juris-dick in my ass, Kyle.

1105
01:05:18,360 --> 01:05:21,045
Look at her left foot.
Smack-dab in Arizona.

1106
01:05:21,200 --> 01:05:24,090
You weed-legalizing,
Mile-High piece of shit.

1107
01:05:24,240 --> 01:05:27,289
- Hey, there's no reason for that language.
- Sorry, Officer Mormon.

1108
01:05:27,480 --> 01:05:28,925
You don't like that? I have an idea.

1109
01:05:29,120 --> 01:05:31,487
Why don't you plug up your ears
with Mitt Romney's dick?

1110
01:05:31,680 --> 01:05:32,886
- Ha, ha.
- Hey.

1111
01:05:33,080 --> 01:05:36,368
Oh, looks like New Mexico decided
to wake up from his siesta.

1112
01:05:36,520 --> 01:05:39,524
- What's the trouble?
- Tell you what the trouble is, dreamcatcher.

1113
01:05:39,680 --> 01:05:42,081
You are wearing entirely too much
goddamn turquoise.

1114
01:05:42,240 --> 01:05:43,605
Hey, we can do this without...

1115
01:05:43,760 --> 01:05:47,287
- disrespecting each other's traditions.
- Oh, go fuck your wives, Tommy.

1116
01:05:47,440 --> 01:05:49,886
This is what I'm telling you.
Every night we do this.

1117
01:05:50,040 --> 01:05:53,931
You know what this border represents?
It's just an idea. That's all I'm saying.

1118
01:05:54,080 --> 01:05:57,846
- If it's just an idea, then I'll just get the perp...
- Ah! My house!

1119
01:05:58,000 --> 01:05:59,286
- Hey!
- Stay out of my state.

1120
01:05:59,440 --> 01:06:02,171
- What are you gonna do now?
- Get your feet off of my state!

1121
01:06:02,320 --> 01:06:03,651
You wanna stomp on my foot?!

1122
01:06:03,800 --> 01:06:05,370
- You back...
- Is that what you want?

1123
01:06:05,560 --> 01:06:07,005
Hey, I wasn't even in it!

1124
01:06:07,160 --> 01:06:09,686
Don't you kick in here! Don't start...

1125
01:06:09,840 --> 01:06:11,046
How about this, then, huh?

1126
01:06:12,280 --> 01:06:14,328
- We got a live weapon!
- Oh, shit! Oh, shit!

1127
01:06:14,480 --> 01:06:16,926
- Think I'm afraid of that?
- I'm not afraid of you.

1128
01:06:17,080 --> 01:06:20,160
- How about that, huh?
- Oh, yeah, like I'm afraid?

1129
01:06:22,440 --> 01:06:25,205
- Are we...? I don't want it in my mouth.
- Let's not do that.

1130
01:06:25,360 --> 01:06:28,409
- I'll take that all in, dude.
- That's enough! Everyone get down!

1131
01:06:28,560 --> 01:06:31,962
- Get down on the ground! Get down!
- Get down! Get down on the ground!

1132
01:06:32,120 --> 01:06:34,566
I'm cooperating!
I'm the one who's cooperating!

1133
01:06:34,760 --> 01:06:37,570
- You get down too. You get down too.
- Get down on the ground!

1134
01:06:37,760 --> 01:06:39,125
- Hands where?
- Your right side.

1135
01:06:39,280 --> 01:06:40,691
- Sides or front?
- Side to side.

1136
01:06:40,840 --> 01:06:42,285
- Let's do this.
- Everyone down?

1137
01:06:42,440 --> 01:06:44,681
- Okay.
- I think I'm done.

1138
01:06:49,520 --> 01:06:52,091
You can really see
all the stars out here.

1139
01:06:53,040 --> 01:06:54,121
Yeah.

1140
01:06:56,640 --> 01:06:59,484
So, what do you feel like doing?

1141
01:06:59,680 --> 01:07:02,206
Heh. I don't know.

1142
01:07:09,680 --> 01:07:11,682
Can I give you a rim job?

1143
01:07:14,160 --> 01:07:15,969
- Whoa.
- No.

1144
01:07:17,040 --> 01:07:18,280
- What?
- I don't know.

1145
01:07:18,440 --> 01:07:20,920
- What's wrong with you?
- I don't know. I'm sorry.

1146
01:07:21,120 --> 01:07:22,770
What did you wanna do?

1147
01:07:22,920 --> 01:07:26,288
I don't know.
I thought maybe we could...

1148
01:07:26,440 --> 01:07:27,601
kiss or something?

1149
01:07:27,760 --> 01:07:29,808
Well, yeah, that's what I thought I...

1150
01:07:29,960 --> 01:07:31,803
Yeah. Okay.

1151
01:07:35,920 --> 01:07:37,126
Ow.

1152
01:07:37,360 --> 01:07:39,089
Where's Mom and Dad, dork?

1153
01:07:39,280 --> 01:07:41,282
I don't know.
Just go back inside the thing.

1154
01:07:41,440 --> 01:07:43,442
You were about to let
that dingus kiss you?

1155
01:07:43,600 --> 01:07:45,250
Shut up, Kevin.

1156
01:07:45,400 --> 01:07:48,051
- Who is that?
- My stupid little brother.

1157
01:07:48,200 --> 01:07:50,567
I thought you said
he was your big brother.

1158
01:07:50,720 --> 01:07:52,882
- I... Damn it!
- Dingus.

1159
01:07:53,040 --> 01:07:56,089
- Why do you take that from him?
- Am I supposed to hit him back?

1160
01:07:56,240 --> 01:07:58,083
- He's a little kid.
- He's a little shit.

1161
01:07:58,240 --> 01:08:03,087
- You don't have to let him push you around.
- I kind of thought I was taking the high road.

1162
01:08:03,240 --> 01:08:06,608
Yeah, that seems
to be working out for you.

1163
01:08:07,720 --> 01:08:08,960
You know what?

1164
01:08:12,080 --> 01:08:13,570
Fuck it.

1165
01:08:15,200 --> 01:08:17,487
Okay, so you wanna do this now?

1166
01:08:17,640 --> 01:08:19,563
Bring it, bitch.

1167
01:08:21,400 --> 01:08:22,447
Wait, what?

1168
01:08:22,600 --> 01:08:23,806
No, no, no.

1169
01:08:24,520 --> 01:08:28,161
Wow, this is so easy.
You are such a little boy.

1170
01:08:29,600 --> 01:08:32,524
Unh! There's gonna be a few changes,
all right? No more bullying.

1171
01:08:32,680 --> 01:08:35,047
- Stop it. I'm telling Mom.
- Shut your mouth.

1172
01:08:35,200 --> 01:08:36,361
You gonna stop bullying?

1173
01:08:36,520 --> 01:08:38,090
You're hurting my tummy.

1174
01:08:38,240 --> 01:08:40,527
Say you're gonna stop,
you little piece of...

1175
01:08:40,760 --> 01:08:42,728
- ass.
- Wait, what?

1176
01:08:42,880 --> 01:08:44,769
- "Piece of ass"?
- You know what I mean.

1177
01:08:45,360 --> 01:08:47,488
What are you doing to my face?

1178
01:08:47,680 --> 01:08:49,045
- This hurts, doesn't it?
- Dude.

1179
01:08:49,200 --> 01:08:52,647
- How do you like your ears getting messed up?
- It's really not that bad.

1180
01:08:52,800 --> 01:08:55,883
- I'll tap you on the forehead.
- That's not how you beat someone up.

1181
01:08:56,040 --> 01:08:57,565
Very dehumanizing.

1182
01:08:57,720 --> 01:08:59,563
Your forehead's gonna be so sore.

1183
01:08:59,720 --> 01:09:01,609
Stop it! What are you doing?!

1184
01:09:01,760 --> 01:09:05,207
- How do you like your lips getting tickled?
- This is really weird.

1185
01:09:05,360 --> 01:09:07,089
Just smush your cheeks.

1186
01:09:07,240 --> 01:09:11,131
- You gonna stop bullying?
- Fine, I'll stop bullying. Just stop doing this.

1187
01:09:13,520 --> 01:09:14,646
Thank you, Adena.

1188
01:09:14,800 --> 01:09:16,086
This has been...

1189
01:09:16,360 --> 01:09:18,124
the best night of my life.

1190
01:09:23,920 --> 01:09:25,809
Weird fucking family.

1191
01:09:27,800 --> 01:09:29,564
Well, that was awful.

1192
01:09:32,840 --> 01:09:34,808
At least the kids never woke up.

1193
01:09:44,120 --> 01:09:46,930
Passengers on the left side
of the Prancer will notice...

1194
01:09:47,120 --> 01:09:49,327
the Grand Canyon out the window.

1195
01:09:49,480 --> 01:09:52,609
That's right.
Last stop before Walley World.

1196
01:10:04,720 --> 01:10:05,767
So, guys...

1197
01:10:05,920 --> 01:10:09,083
when we visited the Grand Canyon
when I was a kid...

1198
01:10:09,240 --> 01:10:11,322
we barely had a chance to look at it.

1199
01:10:11,480 --> 01:10:13,244
This time...

1200
01:10:13,400 --> 01:10:15,801
we're gonna do a whole lot more
than look.

1201
01:10:16,480 --> 01:10:18,881
- Oh, cool.
- Sweet.

1202
01:10:24,360 --> 01:10:26,089
Hi, folks! Hi!

1203
01:10:26,280 --> 01:10:28,203
All right, let's see,
who do we got here?

1204
01:10:28,360 --> 01:10:29,771
You must be...

1205
01:10:29,920 --> 01:10:31,570
the Fung family.

1206
01:10:31,760 --> 01:10:32,921
Huh?

1207
01:10:34,040 --> 01:10:36,122
I'm just messing!
You're the Griswolds, right?

1208
01:10:36,280 --> 01:10:37,566
Yes, that's right.

1209
01:10:37,720 --> 01:10:41,611
Heh, right. The little guy's face
was like, "Fungs?"

1210
01:10:43,560 --> 01:10:45,881
Anyway, I'm Chad.
I'm gonna be your guide.

1211
01:10:46,040 --> 01:10:48,771
- Okay. Hi, Chad.
- You couldn't have come on a better day.

1212
01:10:48,920 --> 01:10:50,160
I'll get you all geared up.

1213
01:10:50,320 --> 01:10:52,482
And, guess what, the river's
running way high...

1214
01:10:52,680 --> 01:10:55,206
so I think we're in for
a pretty sweet ride, guys.

1215
01:10:55,360 --> 01:10:56,885
- Let's roll.
- All right.

1216
01:10:57,040 --> 01:10:58,610
Let's do this.

1217
01:10:58,800 --> 01:11:01,770
Okay, gang, joke time is over.
Let's get serious for a second.

1218
01:11:01,920 --> 01:11:04,651
Go over a couple safety procedures
before we hit the water.

1219
01:11:04,800 --> 01:11:08,930
First off, do any of you know this river?
Because this is actually my first time.

1220
01:11:10,520 --> 01:11:12,568
I'm kidding, ha, ha.

1221
01:11:12,760 --> 01:11:16,242
Been doing this about three and a half years.
Know the river inside and out.

1222
01:11:16,400 --> 01:11:18,767
Got my guide certificate from
a Cracker Jack box.

1223
01:11:20,280 --> 01:11:22,760
Guys, it's a joke.
See the little kid's face? He's all:

1224
01:11:22,960 --> 01:11:24,962
"A Cracker Jack box? A what?!"

1225
01:11:27,240 --> 01:11:29,322
All you gotta do
is follow my instructions...

1226
01:11:29,480 --> 01:11:32,086
and we got a 50-50 chance
of coming back alive.

1227
01:11:34,000 --> 01:11:36,526
I'm kidding, guys.
See the little kid's face, he's all:

1228
01:11:36,680 --> 01:11:39,570
"I'm coming back alive!
I don't wanna die!"

1229
01:11:40,920 --> 01:11:43,366
Sorry, hang on a second.
I'm getting a call from my fiancée here.

1230
01:11:43,520 --> 01:11:46,524
Just got engaged two weeks ago,
so I think I'm gonna take this...

1231
01:11:46,680 --> 01:11:49,729
or the river's not gonna be the only
hot water I'm in today.

1232
01:11:50,320 --> 01:11:51,845
River's actually very cold.

1233
01:11:52,000 --> 01:11:53,047
Hey, boo.

1234
01:11:54,120 --> 01:11:55,770
- Wow, this is awesome.
- Ah.

1235
01:11:55,920 --> 01:11:59,891
We're about to set sail through one of
America's greatest aquatic treasures.

1236
01:12:00,080 --> 01:12:02,367
- Kevin, don't hit your brother.
- I didn't.

1237
01:12:03,960 --> 01:12:06,691
You heard what he said
about the "aquatic treasures," right?

1238
01:12:06,880 --> 01:12:09,087
- Yeah.
- And you didn't wanna hit him?

1239
01:12:11,440 --> 01:12:13,044
- Well, that's progress.
- Wow.

1240
01:12:13,200 --> 01:12:16,124
I don't understand, though.
Like, what are you even saying?

1241
01:12:16,360 --> 01:12:18,249
But just like that?

1242
01:12:18,400 --> 01:12:20,767
I love you. You love me.

1243
01:12:20,920 --> 01:12:24,208
Tanya, please. Please, just let's
think about this for a second, honey.

1244
01:12:24,400 --> 01:12:27,609
You're all that I have in this world.
Tanya, no, babe.

1245
01:12:27,760 --> 01:12:31,401
No, Tanya, no. Please, don't hang up.
No, no! Goddamn it!

1246
01:12:51,720 --> 01:12:53,722
Who's ready to go on the river?

1247
01:12:53,920 --> 01:12:56,651
Um, are you okay, Chad?

1248
01:12:56,800 --> 01:12:58,165
Oh, yeah.

1249
01:12:58,320 --> 01:13:00,607
Turns out I'm not engaged anymore.

1250
01:13:00,760 --> 01:13:01,841
So...

1251
01:13:03,880 --> 01:13:05,166
All aboard.

1252
01:13:06,840 --> 01:13:08,330
I don't know about this, Russ.

1253
01:13:08,920 --> 01:13:10,410
Oh, come on.

1254
01:13:10,680 --> 01:13:11,920
He's kidding.

1255
01:14:04,840 --> 01:14:08,162
Get it together!

1256
01:14:24,680 --> 01:14:25,920
Oh, shit.

1257
01:14:27,720 --> 01:14:29,609
Everybody out of the boat.

1258
01:14:51,120 --> 01:14:52,690
Can we go home now?

1259
01:14:52,880 --> 01:14:53,927
What?

1260
01:14:54,120 --> 01:14:55,929
We're a day away from Walley World.

1261
01:14:56,080 --> 01:14:59,004
Dad, I don't think any of us
really care about Walley World.

1262
01:14:59,160 --> 01:15:02,084
The boys are right, Russ. I mean,
we almost died back there.

1263
01:15:02,240 --> 01:15:04,641
I mean, isn't it time that we just
cut our losses?

1264
01:15:05,120 --> 01:15:07,726
I cannot believe what I'm hearing.

1265
01:15:08,080 --> 01:15:10,411
Oh, my God.

1266
01:15:11,040 --> 01:15:15,090
Huh! All right, that has to be a sign, right?
We were meant to finish this trip.

1267
01:15:15,280 --> 01:15:17,442
Come on, guys,
everybody sing it with me.

1268
01:15:17,600 --> 01:15:23,642
There used to be a graying tower
Alone on the sea

1269
01:15:25,200 --> 01:15:26,361
We're losing the station.

1270
01:15:26,520 --> 01:15:28,090
- We're not losing anything.
- Yes...

1271
01:15:28,240 --> 01:15:30,083
We just have to listen a little harder!

1272
01:15:30,560 --> 01:15:33,962
Love remained
A drug...

1273
01:15:34,120 --> 01:15:35,929
Okay, no, no, no. It's gone. It's gone.

1274
01:15:36,080 --> 01:15:37,366
- Just let it go.
- Fine.

1275
01:15:37,520 --> 01:15:40,922
Just thought we could all sing Seal
together like normal families do.

1276
01:15:42,360 --> 01:15:44,124
- Oh, crap.
- Now what?

1277
01:15:44,280 --> 01:15:47,329
- We're almost out of gas.
- Oh, my God.

1278
01:15:47,520 --> 01:15:48,567
It's all right.

1279
01:15:48,720 --> 01:15:52,520
I'm sure we will find a place to fill up
around here before we run out.

1280
01:15:54,480 --> 01:15:55,561
Man.

1281
01:15:56,160 --> 01:15:57,730
No signal at all.

1282
01:15:59,920 --> 01:16:02,241
Wonder if the Prancer has
roadside assistance.

1283
01:16:02,440 --> 01:16:06,206
- How would we even call them?
- Maybe it's one of the buttons on the fob.

1284
01:16:06,360 --> 01:16:08,567
Seriously? You're gonna keep
pressing buttons?

1285
01:16:08,720 --> 01:16:11,690
- Well, we never tried the top hat.
- Oh, jeez.

1286
01:16:12,720 --> 01:16:13,881
Oh, my God!

1287
01:16:15,440 --> 01:16:17,647
Well, now we know what the top hat does.

1288
01:16:18,560 --> 01:16:22,121
I'm not gonna do the swastika.
All that's left is the muffin.

1289
01:16:24,640 --> 01:16:25,971
Come on, muffin.

1290
01:16:28,640 --> 01:16:29,846
- What?
- It started.

1291
01:16:30,000 --> 01:16:31,445
- Yes.
- All right.

1292
01:16:31,600 --> 01:16:33,887
Oh, must be the extra gas tank.

1293
01:16:34,040 --> 01:16:35,087
- Right?
- The muffin.

1294
01:16:35,240 --> 01:16:36,844
Dad to the rescue.

1295
01:16:37,000 --> 01:16:38,650
Thank God. Wait, where's it going?

1296
01:16:38,800 --> 01:16:39,961
Wait! Wait a minute!

1297
01:16:41,520 --> 01:16:42,806
- Make it stop!
- I don't know how!

1298
01:16:42,960 --> 01:16:44,371
I'll hit the muffin again!

1299
01:17:05,040 --> 01:17:08,283
- All right, we can handle this.
- Oh, no, no, no. Please, don't say that.

1300
01:17:08,440 --> 01:17:11,762
Do not say that we
can handle this, Russ. Okay?

1301
01:17:11,920 --> 01:17:13,445
- We can.
- No, we can't!

1302
01:17:13,600 --> 01:17:14,886
We can't!

1303
01:17:15,040 --> 01:17:18,123
From the moment we left for this trip,
nothing has gone right.

1304
01:17:18,320 --> 01:17:20,891
Can you please just admit that
this was a mistake?

1305
01:17:22,520 --> 01:17:25,000
But it wasn't. Right?
We all wanted to go.

1306
01:17:25,200 --> 01:17:26,361
- I didn't.
- Me neither.

1307
01:17:26,520 --> 01:17:27,567
Me neither.

1308
01:17:27,720 --> 01:17:28,801
You wanted to go.

1309
01:17:28,960 --> 01:17:33,010
All right, I think tempers are getting
a little hot right now. We just have to, uh...

1310
01:17:34,720 --> 01:17:36,936
We just all have to...

1311
01:17:38,600 --> 01:17:40,045
Fuck me!

1312
01:17:40,440 --> 01:17:41,646
I give up!

1313
01:17:41,840 --> 01:17:44,002
All I wanted to do was take
my fucking family...

1314
01:17:44,160 --> 01:17:47,004
on a fucking trip to Walley World,
and ride the fucking Velociraptor!

1315
01:17:47,200 --> 01:17:49,965
Ow. There's a rock in that.

1316
01:17:52,120 --> 01:17:55,329
I guess I'm the asshole for trying to
bring my family closer together.

1317
01:17:55,520 --> 01:17:59,047
What do I get? Kids who don't wanna be
with me, and a wife who's miserable.

1318
01:17:59,200 --> 01:18:00,804
- Russ...
- Oh, come on, Debbie.

1319
01:18:00,960 --> 01:18:05,409
You know it's true. You think you settled
for me. You think I'm a loser regional pilot.

1320
01:18:05,560 --> 01:18:06,846
Well, guess what.

1321
01:18:07,000 --> 01:18:09,651
I get offers from international
carriers all the time...

1322
01:18:09,880 --> 01:18:11,882
and I turn them down. Why?

1323
01:18:12,080 --> 01:18:14,765
I don't wanna be away from you
and the kids that long.

1324
01:18:14,960 --> 01:18:16,291
I'm an idiot.

1325
01:18:16,440 --> 01:18:20,729
I should take one of those jobs
and fly off to the Pyramids of Zambezi...

1326
01:18:20,920 --> 01:18:23,321
and the Lost Gardens of...

1327
01:18:23,480 --> 01:18:24,766
wherever the fuck!

1328
01:18:25,400 --> 01:18:26,686
Just forget it.

1329
01:18:26,840 --> 01:18:29,127
Forget this whole stupid trip.

1330
01:18:30,040 --> 01:18:31,644
You people are on your own.

1331
01:18:31,800 --> 01:18:34,041
I'm sure you'll find a better
husband and father.

1332
01:18:34,200 --> 01:18:36,965
A cowboy with a huge six-pack...

1333
01:18:37,120 --> 01:18:39,122
who will take you to Paris...

1334
01:18:39,280 --> 01:18:40,770
and wrestling...

1335
01:18:41,640 --> 01:18:43,085
and books.

1336
01:18:43,280 --> 01:18:44,361
What...?

1337
01:18:44,880 --> 01:18:46,211
Wait, where are you going?

1338
01:18:46,400 --> 01:18:48,050
Fuck if I know!

1339
01:18:48,520 --> 01:18:50,921
Ow. God!

1340
01:18:51,280 --> 01:18:54,409
These tumbleweeds are all filled
with things that are hard!

1341
01:19:02,640 --> 01:19:03,687
What the...?

1342
01:19:11,160 --> 01:19:12,730
Oh, no.

1343
01:19:14,600 --> 01:19:15,761
Help.

1344
01:19:16,120 --> 01:19:17,360
Help.

1345
01:19:18,080 --> 01:19:19,320
Help!

1346
01:19:19,600 --> 01:19:21,090
Help!

1347
01:19:21,520 --> 01:19:22,567
Stop!

1348
01:19:22,720 --> 01:19:24,210
Come on. Go, go, go.

1349
01:19:24,880 --> 01:19:26,245
Help!

1350
01:19:28,480 --> 01:19:29,527
No!

1351
01:19:31,360 --> 01:19:32,771
Help!

1352
01:19:44,240 --> 01:19:45,651
- Don't you kill him!
- Dad!

1353
01:19:45,840 --> 01:19:47,251
I'm so sorry.

1354
01:19:47,400 --> 01:19:49,846
When I called you a pedophile, I was...

1355
01:19:50,000 --> 01:19:51,047
No! No, no, no!

1356
01:19:51,200 --> 01:19:54,010
No! Not in front of my family!

1357
01:19:55,240 --> 01:19:57,720
Your wife left this
in a truck stop in Missouri.

1358
01:19:58,120 --> 01:19:59,724
Thought you might want it back.

1359
01:20:00,520 --> 01:20:02,045
Oh, my God.

1360
01:20:02,320 --> 01:20:03,765
Wait, wait.

1361
01:20:03,920 --> 01:20:05,490
Is that my ring?

1362
01:20:07,040 --> 01:20:09,691
This man's been trying to return it
to us the whole time.

1363
01:20:11,080 --> 01:20:13,208
I don't know how I could ever thank you.

1364
01:20:13,360 --> 01:20:14,850
No thanks necessary.

1365
01:20:15,200 --> 01:20:18,246
- It was on my way.
- So you're not a rapist?

1366
01:20:23,440 --> 01:20:25,488
Looks like your car's pretty messed up.

1367
01:20:26,640 --> 01:20:27,801
Where you headed?

1368
01:20:28,800 --> 01:20:30,040
Um...

1369
01:20:31,760 --> 01:20:33,364
Home, I guess.

1370
01:20:33,520 --> 01:20:36,888
Well, I can take you as far as
San Francisco. Will that help?

1371
01:20:38,920 --> 01:20:41,764
Yeah. Yeah, that'll work.

1372
01:20:42,200 --> 01:20:43,247
Thank you.

1373
01:20:43,440 --> 01:20:44,646
All right, come on, guys.

1374
01:20:44,800 --> 01:20:45,881
Thank you.

1375
01:20:49,120 --> 01:20:51,487
- He still didn't answer me.
- Oh, Kevin.

1376
01:21:07,520 --> 01:21:10,285
Well, thanks for the ride.
Really appreciate it.

1377
01:21:10,440 --> 01:21:13,887
You never told us why you keep
that teddy bear on the front of your truck.

1378
01:21:14,040 --> 01:21:16,725
- Oh, yeah.
- It makes the kids feel more comfortable.

1379
01:21:16,880 --> 01:21:18,405
Oh, yeah? You have kids?

1380
01:21:18,600 --> 01:21:19,806
Nope.

1381
01:21:20,600 --> 01:21:22,090
Right. Take care.

1382
01:21:27,000 --> 01:21:30,004
Well, I guess that's that.

1383
01:21:30,160 --> 01:21:32,925
Yeah. We'll get a flight home tomorrow.

1384
01:21:33,080 --> 01:21:35,686
Do not stay here.
Worst bed and breakfast we've been to.

1385
01:21:35,840 --> 01:21:39,606
They ought to shut this place down.
The owner is a lunatic.

1386
01:21:40,120 --> 01:21:42,529
You all come back now, you hear?

1387
01:21:43,480 --> 01:21:46,165
Hey, look who made it.

1388
01:21:46,320 --> 01:21:48,721
Ellen! Oh, there you are. They're here.

1389
01:21:48,920 --> 01:21:50,001
Hi, Dad.

1390
01:21:50,160 --> 01:21:52,128
- We were so happy to get that call.
- Hi.

1391
01:21:52,280 --> 01:21:53,725
How was your trip?

1392
01:21:53,880 --> 01:21:55,564
- It's a long story.
- Give me a hug.

1393
01:21:55,760 --> 01:21:57,842
- Hi, Grandpa.
- Oh. Come here, you two.

1394
01:21:58,000 --> 01:22:00,765
Oh, my gosh. You're getting so big.

1395
01:22:00,920 --> 01:22:03,400
- Come on, let's go inside.
- Grandpa, you don't have to.

1396
01:22:03,600 --> 01:22:05,045
- No, I can do it. Really.
- Russ.

1397
01:22:05,200 --> 01:22:07,521
- Clark.
- Oh, no. I got this.

1398
01:22:07,680 --> 01:22:08,920
I'm fine.

1399
01:22:09,160 --> 01:22:11,049
This really hurts.

1400
01:22:11,200 --> 01:22:14,124
Then the muffin made the car explode,
but it didn't matter.

1401
01:22:14,320 --> 01:22:16,846
Our luggage and all of our stuff
was already stolen...

1402
01:22:17,000 --> 01:22:20,083
- by the guy with the rat on his shoulder.
- Even took my guitar.

1403
01:22:20,240 --> 01:22:22,049
Oh, James, that's terrible.

1404
01:22:22,200 --> 01:22:24,806
A musician without his instrument is
as bad as...

1405
01:22:25,000 --> 01:22:26,843
a shoemaker without a toilet seat.

1406
01:22:28,040 --> 01:22:29,883
Ah, I may have something for you.

1407
01:22:41,960 --> 01:22:43,325
It's very fragile. Look.

1408
01:22:43,520 --> 01:22:45,761
- You take care of that.
- Wow, Grandpa.

1409
01:22:45,920 --> 01:22:47,524
Thank you so much.

1410
01:22:47,680 --> 01:22:49,170
- Cool.
- Yeah.

1411
01:22:49,360 --> 01:22:52,364
Doesn't look like much,
but that's a very special guitar.

1412
01:22:52,520 --> 01:22:55,410
- It was given to me by Bob Dillon.
- The Bob Dylan?

1413
01:22:55,560 --> 01:22:56,891
No, a Bob Dillon.

1414
01:22:57,040 --> 01:22:59,088
D-I-L-L-O-N.

1415
01:22:59,280 --> 01:23:00,884
- An accountant friend of mine.
- Oh.

1416
01:23:01,080 --> 01:23:03,447
But it was given to him
by Jimmy Hendricks.

1417
01:23:03,600 --> 01:23:05,807
- The Jimi Hendrix?
- No.

1418
01:23:06,120 --> 01:23:09,203
So how's the B-and-B business going?

1419
01:23:09,360 --> 01:23:12,648
Oh, we love it, are you kidding?
It's a great fit for us. We love visitors.

1420
01:23:12,840 --> 01:23:15,810
We love having people around
to care for. We're people people.

1421
01:23:15,960 --> 01:23:19,328
- Hey, guys. You mind if we join you?
- We're occupied right now. Beat it.

1422
01:23:22,280 --> 01:23:24,931
Ah, it's getting late. Go to bed, okay?

1423
01:23:25,080 --> 01:23:26,730
- Okay.
- Yeah. I'll run you upstairs.

1424
01:23:26,880 --> 01:23:30,601
- Good night, Grandma and Grandpa. Thank you.
- Nighty-night. Sleep tight.

1425
01:23:31,720 --> 01:23:34,485
Ah, well, you've certainly
had an adventure.

1426
01:23:34,640 --> 01:23:38,007
Well, yes. "Adventure"
is one way to put it.

1427
01:23:38,600 --> 01:23:40,443
- How's Audrey?
- Oh, she's great.

1428
01:23:40,920 --> 01:23:43,491
Yeah, she and Stone, they seem
to be very happy.

1429
01:23:43,640 --> 01:23:45,051
Key word there is "seem."

1430
01:23:45,200 --> 01:23:48,204
- What do you mean?
- Their marriage is a sham.

1431
01:23:48,360 --> 01:23:50,647
- What?
- Well, they sleep around on each other.

1432
01:23:50,800 --> 01:23:53,167
- Been doing it for years.
- Oh, my gosh.

1433
01:23:53,320 --> 01:23:58,611
I just wish Audrey had found a more
solid marriage like you and Rusty.

1434
01:24:13,200 --> 01:24:15,202
Hey, Russ, can we talk?

1435
01:24:16,960 --> 01:24:20,203
I knew we had some problems.
Is it this bad?

1436
01:24:21,560 --> 01:24:23,767
Is our marriage dying?

1437
01:24:23,920 --> 01:24:25,206
No.

1438
01:24:25,760 --> 01:24:28,331
No, a marriage only dies
when you stop trying.

1439
01:24:28,480 --> 01:24:30,801
And you have never stopped trying.

1440
01:24:31,720 --> 01:24:33,210
I just think...

1441
01:24:33,360 --> 01:24:34,850
maybe I did.

1442
01:24:35,360 --> 01:24:36,407
What do you mean?

1443
01:24:37,240 --> 01:24:39,402
I've only been thinking about
myself, you know?

1444
01:24:39,560 --> 01:24:42,609
I wanted to change the routine,
and go on exotic trips and...

1445
01:24:42,800 --> 01:24:45,167
Yeah, there's nothing wrong with that.

1446
01:24:46,680 --> 01:24:51,049
I was crazy to think I could make us
closer by locking us in a car for a week.

1447
01:24:51,200 --> 01:24:53,168
No, but you were doing that for us.

1448
01:24:53,320 --> 01:24:58,770
You have been trying so hard to make
this trip memorable for me and the kids...

1449
01:24:58,920 --> 01:25:01,491
- and I didn't appreciate that.
- But why would you?

1450
01:25:01,640 --> 01:25:04,803
I mean, I've put you through
some serious shit.

1451
01:25:04,960 --> 01:25:07,611
Literally, a pool of shit in Arkansas.

1452
01:25:10,600 --> 01:25:12,523
You deserve better.

1453
01:25:13,480 --> 01:25:15,562
What, better than you?

1454
01:25:15,920 --> 01:25:20,323
How many men would sacrifice their
careers for their family like you have?

1455
01:25:20,640 --> 01:25:22,927
Oh, I didn't sacrifice anything.

1456
01:25:23,360 --> 01:25:25,567
I have everything I've ever wanted.

1457
01:25:38,080 --> 01:25:40,128
- Debbie.
- Yeah?

1458
01:25:40,320 --> 01:25:43,210
Will you continue to be my wife?

1459
01:25:43,360 --> 01:25:45,328
I wondered when you'd
give that back to me.

1460
01:25:45,480 --> 01:25:47,642
I was wondering if you still wanted it.

1461
01:25:47,800 --> 01:25:48,961
I do.

1462
01:25:56,960 --> 01:25:58,007
Wait a minute.

1463
01:25:58,160 --> 01:25:59,286
Are we gonna do this?

1464
01:25:59,440 --> 01:26:01,807
Oh, yeah. I'm gonna
pound the shit out of you.

1465
01:26:01,960 --> 01:26:03,121
- Russ.
- What?

1466
01:26:03,280 --> 01:26:04,725
Lock the door.

1467
01:26:04,880 --> 01:26:07,724
I'm gonna lock
the shit out of that door.

1468
01:26:11,000 --> 01:26:13,480
- Hey, Dad.
- Morning, Rusty.

1469
01:26:13,640 --> 01:26:17,850
Could you drive us to the airport this afternoon?
There's a flight back to Chicago at 4.

1470
01:26:18,000 --> 01:26:19,411
Chicago?

1471
01:26:19,560 --> 01:26:21,289
What about Walley World?

1472
01:26:21,440 --> 01:26:24,808
Oh, no. We've, uh, had enough.

1473
01:26:24,960 --> 01:26:28,760
- This trip's been a nightmare.
- Well, that's what family vacations are.

1474
01:26:28,920 --> 01:26:31,321
- But you can't give up, Russ.
- Well, why not?

1475
01:26:31,480 --> 01:26:36,520
I mean, they always say "it's not
the destination, it's the journey," right?

1476
01:26:36,680 --> 01:26:37,920
The journey sucks.

1477
01:26:38,080 --> 01:26:40,651
That's what makes you appreciate
the destination.

1478
01:26:40,840 --> 01:26:43,207
You had a dream to take your family
to Walley World.

1479
01:26:43,360 --> 01:26:45,488
Never let that go.

1480
01:26:45,640 --> 01:26:47,165
I know I didn't.

1481
01:26:51,440 --> 01:26:54,250
How would we even get to
Walley World? We don't have a car.

1482
01:26:54,400 --> 01:26:55,845
Hey, come on.

1483
01:26:57,520 --> 01:26:59,045
You leave that to me.

1484
01:27:10,120 --> 01:27:11,804
Oops, wrong door.

1485
01:27:26,880 --> 01:27:28,882
Could I, uh, take the Nissan?

1486
01:27:29,040 --> 01:27:31,611
Ha, ha. No, no.

1487
01:27:43,160 --> 01:27:45,481
Wait, Dad, I thought we were going
to the airport.

1488
01:27:45,640 --> 01:27:48,371
Boys, when your father makes you
a promise, he keeps it.

1489
01:27:48,520 --> 01:27:50,568
- That's not right.
- This sucks.

1490
01:28:10,680 --> 01:28:14,002
- Wow, this place is huge.
- Ha, ha.

1491
01:28:14,160 --> 01:28:15,844
This is dope as fuck.

1492
01:28:16,000 --> 01:28:17,161
Kevin.

1493
01:28:17,920 --> 01:28:19,922
Told you you guys would love it, right?

1494
01:28:20,440 --> 01:28:21,646
Hey, Dad.

1495
01:28:23,000 --> 01:28:25,651
- It really is dope as fuck.
- I know, right?

1496
01:28:25,800 --> 01:28:26,961
- Guys!
- Oh, wait!

1497
01:28:32,240 --> 01:28:33,571
There she is.

1498
01:28:33,720 --> 01:28:35,370
The Velociraptor.

1499
01:28:36,000 --> 01:28:38,810
- I can't believe we actually made it.
- Heh, I know.

1500
01:28:40,360 --> 01:28:42,761
- You guys ready for the ride of your life?
- Oh, yeah.

1501
01:28:42,960 --> 01:28:45,247
If I'm being honest,
it looks a little daunting.

1502
01:28:45,400 --> 01:28:47,926
- Come on. Race you to the ride.
- Yeah, go, go! Faster!

1503
01:28:48,080 --> 01:28:49,320
Come on!

1504
01:29:02,920 --> 01:29:04,922
Two more hours, guys.

1505
01:29:09,480 --> 01:29:11,608
Oh, my gosh.

1506
01:29:11,760 --> 01:29:14,240
- All right, guys. Get psyched.
- Yes.

1507
01:29:14,400 --> 01:29:16,846
This is it.
This is why we came all this way.

1508
01:29:21,320 --> 01:29:22,890
Excuse us.

1509
01:29:24,240 --> 01:29:26,971
- What was that?
- Last ride tonight. Park's closing.

1510
01:29:27,120 --> 01:29:28,531
- No, we were next.
- What?

1511
01:29:30,480 --> 01:29:32,721
- That's not okay.
- Should be a misunderstanding.

1512
01:29:33,000 --> 01:29:34,525
Hey, excuse me.

1513
01:29:34,720 --> 01:29:36,404
You just cut in front of us.

1514
01:29:36,920 --> 01:29:40,129
No, see, we bought the Platinum Pass
so we get to skip the lines.

1515
01:29:40,280 --> 01:29:41,691
Fifth time today on this one.

1516
01:29:41,840 --> 01:29:46,721
Right, well, we just drove 2500 miles
to ride this ride...

1517
01:29:47,160 --> 01:29:48,969
so you can't just take our spot.

1518
01:29:49,520 --> 01:29:51,045
Wait a minute, you...

1519
01:29:51,400 --> 01:29:52,526
Econo Air.

1520
01:29:52,680 --> 01:29:53,841
Yeah?

1521
01:29:54,360 --> 01:29:56,886
Good to see you.
All right, I'll tell you what.

1522
01:29:57,040 --> 01:30:00,567
Why don't you and your family
go fuck yourselves?

1523
01:30:05,840 --> 01:30:07,001
I'm sorry, guys.

1524
01:30:09,520 --> 01:30:10,681
Oh, my God!

1525
01:30:13,240 --> 01:30:14,366
Okay.

1526
01:30:14,760 --> 01:30:16,125
You're a dead man.

1527
01:30:24,880 --> 01:30:27,042
- Get off!
- Oh, it's on.

1528
01:30:27,200 --> 01:30:28,247
Kevin, no!

1529
01:30:31,880 --> 01:30:33,291
No, you're not gonna fight.

1530
01:30:33,440 --> 01:30:36,205
- I'm not gonna stand here like a little bitch.
- What?

1531
01:30:36,720 --> 01:30:37,801
Oh, shit.

1532
01:31:12,120 --> 01:31:14,964
No, Kevin. Kevin, no. Kevin, come on.

1533
01:31:17,480 --> 01:31:19,642
You people are fucking crazy.

1534
01:31:19,800 --> 01:31:22,690
- What kind of a family are you?
- We're the Griswolds.

1535
01:31:22,840 --> 01:31:24,365
See you around...

1536
01:31:24,520 --> 01:31:26,363
you piece of ass.

1537
01:31:27,800 --> 01:31:29,211
- Let's do this.
- All right.

1538
01:31:29,360 --> 01:31:33,046
- I haven't been in a fight like that for years.
- First car, all right.

1539
01:31:33,840 --> 01:31:36,207
Man, our family fucked that family up.

1540
01:31:36,360 --> 01:31:39,125
- We did.
- Did you see how I scratched that girl's arm?

1541
01:31:39,280 --> 01:31:41,806
Oh, I saw it, honey.
You gave her a good scratch.

1542
01:31:41,960 --> 01:31:44,247
My fingers still hurt a little,
but I'll be okay.

1543
01:31:44,400 --> 01:31:45,447
Oh, boy. Here we go.

1544
01:31:45,640 --> 01:31:47,642
- Hold on.
- Oh, gosh!

1545
01:32:14,440 --> 01:32:20,421
There used to be
A graying tower alone on the sea

1546
01:32:20,560 --> 01:32:27,284
You became
The light on the dark side of me

1547
01:32:27,440 --> 01:32:33,846
Love remained
A drug that's the high and not the pill

1548
01:32:34,000 --> 01:32:36,651
But did you know
That when it snows

1549
01:32:36,800 --> 01:32:43,648
My eyes become large
And the light that you shine can be seen?

1550
01:33:08,400 --> 01:33:10,482
- Russ?
- Yeah?

1551
01:33:10,640 --> 01:33:13,530
Is it supposed to stay
upside-down like this?

1552
01:33:13,680 --> 01:33:15,409
Yeah, I don't think so.

1553
01:33:15,600 --> 01:33:16,681
Oh.

1554
01:33:16,880 --> 01:33:18,769
Dad, are we stuck?

1555
01:33:19,040 --> 01:33:20,690
Looks that way, pal.

1556
01:33:21,720 --> 01:33:23,882
My eyes, they're starting to bulge.

1557
01:33:24,040 --> 01:33:25,963
I'm sure they'll have us down
any minute.

1558
01:33:31,800 --> 01:33:35,361
Well, guys, what'd you think
of Walley World?

1559
01:33:38,040 --> 01:33:39,166
Yeah.

1560
01:33:40,760 --> 01:33:44,890
Listen, boys, I can't tell you how much it's
meant to me to spend all this time with you.

1561
01:33:45,360 --> 01:33:47,488
I love you more
than anything in the world.

1562
01:33:47,680 --> 01:33:50,843
And if I could, I'd spend
every single day with you.

1563
01:33:51,880 --> 01:33:53,484
So we'll see you in a week.

1564
01:33:54,440 --> 01:33:57,410
- Wait, what's going on?
- Petersons will pick you up at O'Hare...

1565
01:33:57,560 --> 01:34:00,450
- and you'll stay with them.
- Where are we going?

1566
01:34:00,640 --> 01:34:03,610
Someplace I should've taken you
a long time ago.

1567
01:34:03,760 --> 01:34:06,047
How did you get free tickets to Paris?

1568
01:34:06,240 --> 01:34:08,049
I used my connections as a pilot.

1569
01:34:08,240 --> 01:34:10,527
Oh, you're amazing, heh.

1570
01:34:11,200 --> 01:34:16,165
Well, you are my queen, and you
deserve to be treated like one.

1571
01:34:20,600 --> 01:34:23,809
I know it's not exactly first-class...

1572
01:34:24,200 --> 01:34:26,487
- or coach...
- Honey...

1573
01:34:26,720 --> 01:34:29,326
- it's perfect.
- Yeah?

1574
01:34:39,640 --> 01:34:40,721
So...

1575
01:34:41,120 --> 01:34:42,360
how long is the flight?

1576
01:34:42,520 --> 01:34:44,551
Twelve hours.

1577
01:34:45,320 --> 01:34:46,651
Perfect.

1577
01:34:47,305 --> 01:34:53,683
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