(THEME MUSIC PLAYING)
ERIC: I'm asking if you think I should work with this girl.
I'm asking if you think you could work with her without trying to bang her.
- She has a boyfriend. - I don't think E could work with her
- without trying to bang her. - I never seem to be able to.
- (CHUCKLES) - Yeah, but the girls you work with
want to bang you, Vin. She doesn't wanna bang him.
- Or do you still think she does, E? - She has a boyfriend, Turtle!
So? It's not a husband.
And if you think she'd want to bang you
if she didn't have a boyfriend, you'd lie in wait.
Eventually that would end.
- You'd be in like Flynn. - Totally.
ERIC: Is that why you guys never get laid?
Always waiting for relationships to end?
(TURTLE CHUCKLES)
Look, E, last night you thought you were on a date with the girl.
I'm just not sure you can let that go and be professional.
- Yeah well, I am sure. - So why are you asking?
I'm just making sure you're okay with it.
Are you okay with it?
Look, not all clients are as easy as me.
And actresses... forget it.
- Oh yeah. - Look, the girl's a talent, all right?
It's a great way to expand our business.
- Our business? - Yeah. I've been thinking.
You and I, 50/50 on every client I hit.
- Where do I fit in? - You don't.
You know, that's sweet, but not necessary.
Come on, Vince. Look, I know where I'd be without you.
- Nowhere. - (TURTLE CHUCKLES)
Don't you have a job to go to, Drama?
That's the beauty of an ensemble cast...
two-day work weeks.
- Vince. - E, it is not necessary.
It's great that other people are recognizing what you do for me,
and I wish you nothing but success.
I only ask that you make sure
that my career attention does not suffer.
Yeah, E. Look out for numero uno.
Yeah. Always always always.
ALL: Ooh!
(PHONE RINGING)
I have Dana Gordon.
Weird, I used to push up on top of Dana Gordon like this.
True story.
Dana, I was just thinking about you.
Did you read Billy Walsh's script?
- Did I get Billy Walsh's script? - I got it this morning.
Lloyd! Do I have Billy Walsh's script?
Miriam just brought it up.
Call Walsh and find out why I didn't get a chance
to comment on it before he turned it in.
Just got it. How's it feeling?
I'm on page 12 and I do not understand what I'm reading.
Well, you didn't understand "Titanic" after 12 pages either, Dana.
Ari, this is totally fucked, okay?
- This is not what we bought and I do... - What do you mean?
Read the thing, Ari.
- (YELLS) - Left word for Walsh.
Keep trying him and call E,
and make sure that Vince is reading this as well.
I can't hear you, Lloyd. I'm in the hills.
Did you get the Billy Walsh script?
Lloyd, I can't hear you.
(YELLING SLOWLY) Did you get
the Billy Walsh script?
Shut the fuck up, Lloyd!
Lloyd? Hello? Hello hello hello?
- There's no cell reception up here. - Yeah, I'm getting that.
Do you guys have a hardline around here, by chance?
- I don't... I don't know. - Thanks, man.
- There's my guy! - Hey!
- Hey. - How are you?
(CHUCKLES) Oh, so Vince is okay with this?
- Oh yeah, he was cool. Totally cool. - Smart move.
I would've fought him for you, and I'm freakishly strong.
- I'm glad it didn't come to that. - Yeah, me too.
So I'm sorry for putting you to work day one.
It's just I've got to summon up my inner supermodel
and I've got these people
coming at me with concepts and interviews and wardrobe and...
(SIGHS) I'm so thankful you're here to help.
Yeah well, I'm glad to do it, even though fashion isn't my thing.
But if you really want my opinion,
I like the black outfit you wore in the first "Scary Movie."
It made you look smart, but still kind of hot.
- You remember that? - Yeah.
It was on... cable like... like a year ago.
- And I might have bought the DVD. - (CHUCKLING)
I was just trying to catch up, you know?
Right. Yeah.
Right. Oh, we are gonna be great together, E.
- Really great. I'm so excited. - Yeah, me too.
- Yo, what up, girl? - Hey, Dave!
Hey, baby.
- Mmm. - Oh.
This is the guy I was telling you about... E.
This is my boyfriend Dave.
- Hey, Dave, how are you? - (CHUCKLES)
- You're the new manager, dawg? - Yeah.
I just, you know... I just thought you'd be a little older.
- I'm older than I look. - DAVE: Mmm.
A'ight... Yeah...
- So? - So...
Uh, so, why don't you ask the new manager
what he thinks of my idea?
Dave, I... (GROANS)
What? Yo yo, check this, okay?
I want them to shoot Anna in a series of animal poses, okay?
Like one where she sticks her neck out like this, a'ight?
It's like a giraffe, all right?
Another one where we make her hair really really big...
she'll be, like, a lion, huh?
- What do you think? - It's interesting.
What do you really think?
Uh, I think it's a little weird.
And no offense, Dave, but it is.
- It's... a little weird. - It is a little weird, babe.
Okay. Well, I thought it'd be hot, okay?
You think everything I do is hot and that's why I love you.
But this is a little weird, so let's let it go, please.
- Okay, baby. - Okay.
I'm gonna go get ready.
Um... yo, dawg,
I'm gonna go watch my girl get ready, okay?
So why don't you grab me a coke and bring it over to the trailer, a'ight?
Yeah, they're, um... they're right there. Thanks, dawg.
Bring that right over.
(BOTH RINGING)
- Yeah? - Hello?
- Turtle? - Drama?
- Hey, Ari! What's up? - What's up, Lloyd?
- I'm looking for Vince. - Do you know where Vince is?
Aren't you supposed to go through E for Vince?
Did you try E?
If he's there, put him on the fucking phone, Turtle.
I called E and e-mailed him too.
Let me see if he's here. Hang on.
I'll see if I can locate him.
- Yo, Vince, you're here for Ari? - Why wouldn't I be?
Lloyd says he can't find E.
Oh, it's fine. Hey, Lloyd.
- Hey, Vince. Hold for Ari. - Okay.
- I got Ari, Vince. - Oh.
- Ari. - Vince!
I've got Vince.
I got fucking Vince.
- Vince! - Ari?
Did you read Walsh's script?
Did I get Walsh's script?
It was dropped off to me and the studio this morning.
Any scripts come for us this morning?
Uh, yeah, I put 'em in the pile.
Yeah, I've got it. What's the problem?
The problem is he took your snow-on-a-mountain movie
and turned it into a futuristic thriller
set on a farm, circa 2075.
- I don't understand. - He tossed the book away,
the book they paid him $3 million to write,
and decided just to make up his own story.
Huh, that's odd. Call Walsh.
- Dana Gordon on one. - Did E know anything about this?
- No, of course not. - Then why is he in hiding?
He's not in hiding. He's at a photo shoot with his new client.
- E's got a new client? - Yeah, Anna Faris.
- Come on! - Yep.
Jesus! The world is falling apart.
It's always darkest before dawn, Ari.
I got Billy's voicemail.
Billy Walsh just said in response to your question
of why did he give the script to the studio
before you had a chance to comment on it...
and I'm quoting him here..."'Cause I don't give a fuck what you think."
Get his address.
Vinnie, sit tight. I will get right back to you.
Okay. Bye, Ari.
Boy, he's stressed.
- Do you want me to call E? - No. I'm the producer.
I can handle it. Let's just see what crazy Billy did, huh?
Hey, how about I read E's copy?
Yeah. I like the initiative, Turtle.
- What should I do? - Why don't you make us a snack?
I like being E. Huh.
(POP MUSIC PLAYING)
Oh, that's so hot. Perfect.
Turn into it. Turn into it.
Shit.
Hey, you can get a signal right at the bottom of the hill.
Or if you want, we have a runner we can send to make a call for you.
No, thanks anyway. I'll go down there and make the call.
- Thank you very much. I appreciate it. - No problem.
- She looks good, huh? - No no.
I'm not feeling this shit at all, okay?
Baby, baby, okay? Do one like a cat, okay?
A fierce cat... (HISSES, MEOWS)
Just jump out.
Baby, trust me on this, okay? Please please?
Big eyes like an owl and this shit is gonna pop!
Come on, Dave. I...
Okay, am I wrong, dawg?
Huh? A little reckless abandonment here.
It would stamp this thing unique.
I think she looks beautiful.
(WHISPERS) Fucking hack.
Anna, are you cool if I run down to the bottom of the hill
- to make a call? - Yeah.
Okay. I'll be right back.
All right, everyone. Let's take five.
- All right, so... It's Eric, right? - Yeah.
- Look, you can't leave now. - Why not?
I'm not getting what I need out of Anna. She's not focused.
All right, I'll talk to her.
No no no, she's not the problem. The boyfriend is.
As long as he's hanging around criticizing her,
she's just not gonna bring it.
You don't want to say something to him?
I take pictures. I don't interfere with domesticity.
All right, I'll say something to him.
ANNA: Don't touch the camera.
- Hey, Dave. - Yo, dawg, what's up?
- Can I talk to you for a second? - Yeah.
Listen, I think you're making Anna a little uncomfortable.
(CHUCKLES) Wow, you've been working with her,
what, one day? How do you know what I'm making her?
Maybe you're making the photographer uncomfortable.
Either way, if you're gonna hang around,
try to be a little less critical.
No no, this is not good, okay? I'm not feeling this.
Okay? Anna, baby?
Anna? Okay, baby?
Look, I need to talk to you for a second, okay?
- In the trailer. - Okay.
Excuse me.
(ROCK MUSIC PLAYING)
- Hi. - Hi.
Is Billy Walsh here?
Oh, hey, no. Billy's not here.
I see him sitting on the couch there.
She means I'm not here for you, Ari.
Can I please come in?
Not if you're gonna criticize me.
Why would I criticize you?
Let him in.
So everyone hates the script.
You got paid a half a million dollars to adapt a book
and you didn't do it.
I decided to go in a different direction.
They didn't pay you for that direction.
Hey, the script that he wrote is really hot, man.
Ahem!
You don't want to give the studio back their money, do you, Billy?
- The money's been spent, Ari. - On what?
- Home improvements. - We put in a steam shower.
How long will it take you to do what they paid you to do?
Infinity, 'cause I'm not gonna do it!
- You have to do it! - I've tried to do it, Ari!
I did, but every time I started to write a scene
I got these two guys locked alone on a mountain
and it felt really gay.
And it was my idea to add the chicks.
- See, Billy writes chicks really good. - Thanks, babe.
Vince stuck his neck out for you
and now you are fucking him and the studio.
They are going to fuck you right back.
- They can't touch me. - They can sue you
and make sure that you never make a movie in this town again.
Well, good thing I paint.
You're not gonna do this, are you?
No, I'm not.
Then I've got nothing else to say to you.
Yeah well, I've got something to say to you:
(YELLS) You are no longer my agent!
- (PHONE RINGS) - Yeah, Lloyd?
- It's your wife. She says it's urgent. - Put her through, Lloyd.
- Here she is. - What's wrong, baby?
You're avoiding my fucking calls.
(SIGHS) Does that sound like my wife, Lloyd?
It did, yes. But now it doesn't. Sorry.
- What's up, Dana? - I haven't walked out of my office...
not even to pee... in three hours.
What are you, agoraphobic?
No, I'm scared to see my boss
because I have no idea what to tell him.
Well, that is the beauty of me, Dana.
I tell people what to tell other people.
- So tell me something! - Fire Walsh.
- Fire him? - Yes. I just did.
So he has no intention of writing what he was supposed to write?
None, but I have intentions of finding you
an A-list writer/director to replace him by sundown.
And I will bring him in at cost.
- Lloyd, get a list together. - I can't believe this.
Wake up, Dana. It's real.
The first big project you brought into your new studio
is in shambles.
Thanks to your writer/director, asshole!
You know, if you think my last boss was vindictive,
you haven't seen shit!
You'd better find me someone approvable
and you'd better make sure Vince is onboard.
Because if I have to go in and tell Richard Wimmer
that we lost a script, a director and a star today...
all of whom are yourfucking clients...
you can bet your ass that nobody who has ever been
close enough to smell your breath
will ever be welcome at this studio again!
(PHONE RINGING)
Vince, it's Ari.
Eh, I'll call him when I'm finished.
Hey, some help this guy is.
I'm not sleeping, jerkoff.
I'm pacing myself.
Yeah? Were you enjoying it, Turtle?
Yeah well, don't get mad, Vin,
but I was kind of just scanning it for the sex scenes.
There are two good ones, by the way.
There's a lot of parts in here, Vince.
Billy liked what I did in "Medellin," right?
No. I really do need E. Call him, Turtle.
- I could finish, man. - Call him.
Call him, Turtle.
(SIGHS)
Straight to voicemail.
Nice. Very nice.
Excuse me, miss. Can you get that runner to make a call for me?
Sure, who's the call to?
Okay, the call is to Ari Gold at the Miller Gold Agency.
And you're going to ask for Lloyd
and see if there's anything important going on.
All right, you got it.
- Great. Thank you very much. - Mm-hmm.
- Hey, guy. - Yeah?
- You Anna's manager? - Yeah.
Can you manage her? We're ready to shoot.
She's not coming out of her trailer.
She's talking to her boyfriend.
Look, once the sun is over that tree,
we're done. We can't shoot.
Okay. Okay, I'll take care of it.
All right.
(GRUNTS)
DAVE: No, I'm helping you!
Why are you fighting me on this?
I'm trying to help you. The cat's gonna help.
ANNA: Then maybe it would be appropriate.
DAVE: It's the inner animal! It's your inner animal!
(DOOR OPENS)
What do you want, dawg?
Sorry to bother you, Dave... I don't mean to interrupt...
but they're ready for Anna onset.
- We're in the middle of something. - I really have to go.
We need to talk about this later.
What's more important to you,
this relationship or this photo shoot?
Don't do that! I have to work!
Oh, and I'm sorry I don't!
(SIGHS) Oh my God.
Fuck this.
- Dave! - I'm out.
(SIGHS) I'm really sorry.
He never used to be like this,
but since the C.W. Passed on his pilot,
he's been hanging around my work being all hypercritical.
- (TIRES SCREECH) - (ENGINE ROARING)
God, you must think I'm a mess.
No no no. Look, relationships are tough.
I'm sure you guys will get through it.
- Does the crew totally hate me? - No, not at all.
Everything's... everything's fine.
- You're good? You need a minute? - No no no, I'm good.
- Okay, here. Come on. - Okay, thank you.
- How's that dress feel? - It's really uncomfortable.
(CHUCKLES) Not great, right?
Hey, you needed me to go make a phone call for you.
I'm just confirming, who was I supposed to call?
You want to talk to Lloyd in Ari Gold's office.
Eric, if you need to go make some phone calls, that's fine.
- You sure? - Totally.
- I'll be back in five minutes. - Okay.
- All right? - Hey, and E?
Yeah?
I swear I'm not as high maintenance as it seems.
Don't worry about it. As far as my easiest clients are concerned,
you're in the top two. Not bad.
- All right, bye. - I'll be back in two seconds.
- I'm sorry. - All right.
- So sorry, guys. - Okay.
- (DOORBELL RINGS) - Ari, making house calls.
- I love it! - Heh-heh, today is not the day
to not pick up your phone, Vin.
I was reading. Come on, you should be proud.
Normally you can't get me to do that.
Well, today I actually don't need you to do that.
I made some lamb kebabs, Ari. You want some?
- No, thank you. - They're good.
No, thank you. You know Richard Kelly?
- Director? - Yeah, the guy who did "Donnie Darko."
I know him. I like him... why?
I represent him. I can get him on "Clouds."
Plus, I can get the studio onboard so we can keep this train rolling.
What about Billy?
Billy is a dead man. He's a corpse.
You can't pull that kind of shit when you get paid that kind of money.
Did you read his script?
I understand that you're loyal to the guy.
- But did you read it? - I read the first 10 pages.
There's no mountain. Without a mountain, there's no movie.
No, there is a movie, a great movie...
better than "Clouds," I think.
Are you fucking with me?
Why would I do that, Ari?
Is he fucking with me?
"Clouds" was lacking in tits, Ari. This one's got at least four.
Yeah, there's a couple things in there for me too, Ari.
So you and Lloyd should get on it ASAP.
Ahem... where the hell is E?
(EXHALES) M.I.A.
Well, we need him. 'Cause maybe that neurotic little elf
nipping at your heels will make you understand
that we are in a major crisis situation here.
I think if you read the script, Ari, you'd find that we're not.
Come on, Ari. The tide is turning for us, you know that.
And the hype of "Medellin" is growing as Cannes approaches.
I like this script. I want to make this movie with Billy.
We can't do that. There is no way.
There is always a way, Ari. Come on, Bubala.
Make it happen, huh?
(ENGINE REWING)
(TIRES SCREECH)
You following me, dawg?
No, I was trying to make a phone call.
Then why are you riding up my ass?
I'm not riding up your ass. I didn't even know it was you.
Oh, you didn't. Okay.
You got a thing for my girl?
No, Dave, we work together. What are you talking about?
- Okay, you got a girlfriend? - No.
- You gay? - No!
Then how are you gonna look at me in my face right now
and tell me you ain't got a thing for my girl?
- Dave, you've got to chill. - Whoa whoa!
Don't tell me to chill, okay?
My girlfriend, she comes and tells me she's got a new manager
and I'm thinking it's gonna be some graybeard,
Bernie Brillstein-type guy.
Not some young non-gay guy who ain't got no girl.
Look, I promise you this relationship is gonna be nothing but professional.
Professional? How are you gonna help her professionally?
Why don't you sell me however you sold her?
I didn't sell her, okay? I told her I didn't like a movie she was gonna do
and she agreed with my opinion. That's it.
Okay.
So you're the reason she didn't do it?
Yeah.
That's funny. That's really funny
because I was the reason she was gonna do it in the first place.
What can I say about that? I'm just trying to do my job. That's what I do.
Your job's fucking with my life, okay?
- And you never got me that coke! - Dave!
(FUNK MUSIC PLAYING)
This is not happening.
- (ENGINE ROARING) - (TIRES SCREECHING)
Dave!
Are you out of your fucking mind?
Did you even read Walsh's script, Dana?
I read 15 pages and I will not read another page,
nor another page of any client you ever have.
I need to get you behind this.
I'm not behind this and I never will be.
Well, listen: You'd better get behind this if you want to save your ass.
Save my ass? People love "Clouds," Ari.
I will replace you and your whole fucking crew with three phone calls.
After this town hears how you tried to bait and switch this studio,
it will be your ass that needs the saving.
So, Dana, you're not gonna take this to your boss?
No!
- Then I will. - Really?
Hi. Ari Gold to see Richard Wimmer. Really.
You motherfucking cocksucker!
He's leaving for New York in 30 minutes.
- I'll only be a minute. - No, he's in the shower!
DANA: Ari! Ari!
(ENGINE REVS)
Dave.
- Dave! - I'm not a fighter, dawg, okay?
But when it comes to my girl, I will man up. So back off, okay?
You're not fighting me, man. You're fighting yourself here.
Don't use that weird existential shit with me.
Dave, will you just talk to me for one second
before you go back over to her?
- One... - Listen...
...one... - Dave.
...one... that was three seconds, dawg.
What are you, six? Look, you want to lose your girl, Dave?
I'm telling you right now, you go back over there with that attitude,
that's exactly what's gonna happen.
You'd like that, wouldn't you?
What the fuck, Dave? You've come to cause more problems?
Girl, I haven't caused shit, okay? It's this guy.
The only reason he's here is to try and fuck you.
- What? - I'm just trying to do my job, Dave.
- You need to get rid of him, okay? - Dave!
Baby, I'm just keeping it real. Ask him. Ask him right now.
Ask him to look you in the face and say it isn't so.
- Do it, come on. - Dave, stop it.
Maybe I should leave.
Yeah, dawg, why don't you do that, please?
No, dawg, why don't you?
I can't take it anymore!
- I'm done. - That shit ain't right.
Stop fucking talking like Randy Jackson!
Whoa, okay.
Whatever, movie star.
I hope you two are really happy together, all right?
(SIGHS)
Well, that was awkward.
Yeah. You all right?
No, I meant for you.
(LAUGHS)
Okay, come on. Let's get back to work.
- Okay. - Jesus.
(CELL PHONE RINGING)
- It's Walsh. - Finally.
Yo, Billy! Where've you been all day?
It's not Billy, Vince. It's Kat.
Billy's locked himself in the bathroom
with a bottle of whiskey and a gun.
What are you talking about?
He thinks he let you down, Vince. He feels terrible.
No no no, he didn't let me down.
- (CELL PHONE RINGING) - Vince, E.
Shh-shh! Let me talk to him.
Billy? Baby, it's Vince. He wants to talk to you.
What's to say? I've ruined us all!
No, baby, he says that it's all good.
What's all good? He liked the script?
Tell him I loved the script.
He loved the script! Baby, he loved it.
- You loved it? - It's unbelievable.
Do you really have a gun?
Yeah, but the bitch hid the bullets, so...
Jesus, Billy. The script is amazing. I want to make this movie.
- You do? - Yes.
We're going to make this movie.
- How? - Ari's taking care of it. Don't worry.
Ari? What can he do?
(RINGING)
Wow, it's like finding Jim Morrison alive.
Yeah, I had no cell all day. I got, like, 25 messages. What's going on?
Nothing that exciting.
Just have an emergency meeting with the head of the studio
on the Billy Walsh/Vinnie Chase project.
- Why, what's the problem? - Wouldn't you like to know?
- Ari? - Listen, you snooze, you lose.
- I've got to go. - Ari?
What the hell is going on?
Desperate times call for desperate measures here.
Thank god I'm in a robe.
And may I comment on what lovely ankles you have?
- Talk fast, Ari. - You don't have your summer movie.
- Come again? - A tent pole... you don't have one.
I have "Clouds."
Billy Walsh and Vinnie Chase don't wanna do it.
Where the hell is Dana Gordon?
I'm right outside the door, Richard!
Ari locked me out.
Let her in!
- Hey, Dana. - Fuck you, Ari.
Dana, what the hell is going on with "Clouds"?
I am working on it, Richard, and when you return from New York,
I will have a completely new team in place.
That's impossible. Billy burned six weeks writing the wrong script.
And you do not have enough time to put "Clouds"
back onboard for your July release.
You and your friend Billy Walsh are dead, Ari!
We are not dead. We are very much alive.
You with your fading stock prices
and your three straight quarters in the red are dead
if you have to go to your board of directors and tell them
that this summer may be your worst quarter yet.
I'm gonna tear your head off, Ari.
Please, don't, because I have your summer movie.
From the director of "Medellin"
and "Queens Boulevard" comes "Silo."
It is a story of a group of non-unionized farm hands
who band together to survive a nuclear attack
after discovering an underground society.
It is ready to shoot. Billy Walsh is onboard,
Vinnie Chase is onboard, and if you're not,
Fox, Universal and Sony are.
- He's bluffing. - What does it matter?
There's a summer movie in there,
or we pack up our shit and go home.
Tell him how good it is, Dana.
All personal bullshit aside.
Dana?
- It's an excellent script. - Can we market it?!
Think "Blade Runner" meets "Field of Dreams."
Two classics... boom!
You make this good, Dana.
And you, Ari, this I don't soon forget.
That was unbelievable...
"Blade Runner" meets "Field of Dreams"?
- Not bad, huh? - That was... did you actually read it?
What do I need to read it for? I have a go movie, douchebag.
- We have a go movie. - Die, Ari.
I truly hope you die.
- Did I do it, Vinnie? - Yes, you did, and thank you.
TURTLE: So any possibility of shooting this one
a little closer to civilization, Bill, please?
It takes place on a farm in Nova Scotia, Turtle.
Ignore him, Billy. He read every third page.
I, on the other hand, was riveted,
especially by the character of Kelton the farmhand.
Yeah, I was thinking of you when I wrote that.
Really?
- No. - (LAUGHS)
How about a toast to a groundbreaking day
and a possibly groundbreaking movie?
Are you kissing my ass now, snake suit?
Oh, come on, Billy. He came through.
You can't stay mad at him.
I'm no longer planning on using your car as a toilet,
but I'll get back to you about being my agent again.
I wait with bated breath, sire.
- Yeah! - (ALL LAUGH)
Why does nobody answer their cell phones?
Look who's talking!
Where've you been, E? Too busy being professional
with your girlfriend to pick up the phone?
Will somebody please tell me what's going on?
Don't stress your pretty little head about it.
- It's all been handled. - What's been handled?
We're making Billy's movie.
"Silo"?
- Where's the snow? - (ALL LAUGHING)
(SIGHS)
(ROCK MUSIC PLAYING)