(THEME MUSIC PLAYING)
Turtle! Aspirin, please.
Please.
You know, Vin, I don't think I've ever seen you hung-over before.
(GROANS) Half a bottle of Johnnie Walker will take anyone down.
Especially when you mix it with half a bottle of vodka.
Oh, my God, did I?
Drama kind of forced it on you, but yeah you did.
How's he doing? Any sounds coming from in there?
Last I heard, sounded like someone torturing kittens.
You know, it was... (MIMICS GAGGING)
Turtle, come on. Please.
We've got to help him out today,
get him together. He's doing The View.
He can get some solid press if he yaks all over Whoopi Goldberg.
(LAUGHS)
- Johnny! - Come in.
What's up, bro?
A little hung-over. You?
Purged myself by sunrise. I feel great.
Thinking about wearing a tank on the show, so I'm getting my arms yoked.
- You all right, Drama? - Yeah, great, E.
I'm doing The View at Caesars. Who wouldn't be great?
Can see you're not hung-over.
Where's all the post-break-up depression gone?
Leave him alone, Turtle. He looks great. Look at him.
Yeah, maybe he forgot about it.
I haven't forgotten shit.
My heart's been broken into hundreds and hundreds of tiny little pieces.
But I'm doing The View today.
So I'm postponing my depression until after I kill it.
Love the attitude.
You gonna love it live, bro? Only a 45-minute flight.
I wish I could, but I've got generals with all the studio heads.
Oh, yeah, that's right.
Here, maybe you should bulk up.
(TURTLE LAUGHS)
So what do you talk about in a general meeting anyway?
General stuff, I guess.
Yeah, I guess.
Would you look at this. I didn't know he was coming. Did you?
- Nope. - Should I hit him?
VINCE: No, look, he's waving a white flag.
ARl: Guess who read the script.
Which script? The one we told you to read last week?
That's right. And it is good. It's very good.
Yeah, we told you that last week.
Right, listen, and it is perfect timing for us.
How is it perfect timing?
Because we have general meetings all week, right?
And there's nothing greater in life than having something
specific to say at a general.
And what specifically do we have to say?
That we want to do Smokejumpers.
- But Ed Norton already wants to do it. - Does he?
Yeah, he does. All because you didn't read the script.
I didn't read the script because you didn't pitch it well.
You really gonna try to blame this on me, Ari?
Yes, I'm gonna fucking blame you for it.
You said it was an indie. You said it was small.
Small people think small, so I can't totally blame you for that.
But anyone with half a sense of the business would have read it and known,
okay, you got a script that's well-written
about the greatest fire in Oregon history for 90 pages and you never see it.
Live inside that fire for 50 pages,
boom, home run.
Well, boom, now it's Ed Norton's home run, you jerk-off.
Well, did they sell the script, you cunt face?
Not yet, dick head.
Then it's still free, you overpaid undersized bitch.
You want a go, Ari? Seriously, let's just go right here.
You've never been hit in the face with anything besides a cock and you know it.
(LAUGHING)
I already told Amanda she has the script exclusively.
Then tell her she doesn't. Or don't, it's not our concern.
Ari, I don't want to put E in a tough spot.
A tough spot? He reps the writers.
Two buyers will only increase the price for his clients.
He's right. He's right.
I did tell you guys you could have the script first.
- (PHONE RINGS) - This is Amanda right here.
Listen, ignore it. Come on, Vinnie.
- Hey, Amanda. - Morning, E.
Great news. Ed's company wants to buy the script.
Ed Norton's company wants to buy the script.
How much?
- For how much? - 100 against 300,
which is a great deal for first-time writers.
- 100 against 300. - We can do better.
- E, you there? - Yeah, I'm here. I'm here.
What do you think?
I think I should probably talk to my clients first to see what they think.
- Okay, call me back. - All right, thanks, Amanda.
- Now there's an offer. - I can top it.
Let's go, Vinnie.
- I'm sorry, Vince. - You have no reason to be.
You do what you have to do. I understand, really.
Thanks, buddy.
You're not wearing a tank top and fucking shorts on The View, Drama.
Who do you think you are, Richard Simmons?
Only gayer.
You know, I expect that from him.
You're my publicist who I now employ. So do your job.
What's your problem, Drama? Still broken-hearted?
- Oh, yeah, oh, yeah. - Shut up, Turtle.
I'm sorry, Drama, but it's affecting all of us.
- You slept with my dog last night. - I was lonely.
You're not gonna embarrass yourself on The View, are you, Drama?
I'm gonna be fine on the show.
It's when I get home I may have some issues.
Look, your real life is your problem,
your public perception is mine. So keep it together.
Please, I'm a professional.
You don't even have to worry about that.
- Hey, Drama! - What's up, castmates?
- What's up? - What's up, dude?
- Did you bring your girl? - Uh, no.
We thought you said she might be flying in.
Yeah, she was gonna, but no, she didn't.
Damn, we were dying to meet her, man.
Yeah.
I don't think you met my girlfriend Sophia, right?
Uh, no. I don't believe so. Hi.
So you all brought your girlfriends, huh?
- Yeah. - Yeah.
You okay, Drama?
I'm a rock.
(GUNSHOT)
$100,000? That is unreal. You did it, E.
That's just the first offer. It's not 100, it's 100 against 300.
Against? What does that mean, against?
It means if the movie gets made you get another 200.
If it gets made? Why wouldn't it get made? We got Ed Norton.
It doesn't always work like that.
Why would they buy it if they don't want to make it?
- They do want to make it. - What's he saying?
I don't know. Ed Norton wants it, but they may not make it.
Vince wants it but they may not buy it.
- It all sounds fishy to me. - Give me the phone.
- E, Nick here. - Hey, Nick.
Yeah, so what's going on?
Trying to sell your script just like you asked.
So there's no time to screw around, 'cause there's lots happening.
Yeah, well say it succinctly then and tell me exactly what's going on.
Vince is out trying to sell the studios and we have a first offer
from Ed Norton's company that I'd like to try to get more out of.
Yeah, well how much more do you think we can get?
- I don't know. - Isn't it your job to know?
- Nick. - If Ed Norton wants to do it
and Vincent Chase wants to do it, seems like we can play them against each other
and start a little bidding war here.
Yeah, well let's not jump ahead of ourselves.
Look, I read about this shit all the time in Variety.
All right? Just raise the price and get a guarantee
- that our movie gets made. - It'll never happen.
500 Gs and a guarantee that the movie gets made.
Nick, it'll never happen.
Well, it seems like everybody in that town of yours loves our script, right?
So guess what? You make it happen.
So you're thinking of this as a big movie?
Huge, Steve.
The fire in this is gonna make Backdraft look like a fucking campfire.
- Excuse my language. - That's interesting. Interesting.
- Yeah. How interesting? - Interesting enough to buy?
You know, Vince, I don't know if it's that interesting.
But you know what does interest me?
Benji.
The dog?
We're taking him to Alaska.
At least we got the president of the studio doing business with us, right?
- About Benji? - It's a cute dog, right?
Yeah, maybe it'll be a good script.
You bet your ass it'll be a good script.
And I'm gonna make sure they have Miss Alaska
waiting in your trailer to blow you at all times.
- Thanks, Ari. - How'd it go?
Great. How'd it go with your writers?
They want 500 Gs and a guarantee that the movie gets made.
Sound like a bunch of idiots. Perfect clients for you, E.
- Thank you. - (PHONE RINGS)
- Yeah, Lloyd? - Steve Parles calling.
Steve Parles. Put him through.
- Steve, hey. - Ari.
Yeah, Vince wants to go to the Arctic Circle with you and Benji,
but he wants 10 million plus first dollar
- and a five-star igloo. - Ari, I'm calling about Smokejumpers.
Really?
Yeah, I couldn't say this in front of Vince out of respect for him,
but I want to buy that script.
Really?
But not with Vince attached.
The script only comes with Vince attached.
I'll pay 350. And how about I toss Vince an EP credit
and 50 Gs because I like him?
EP credit? What the fuck?
Listen, he is a movie star, not a no-show producer.
Come on, Ari. Does Vince even own the script?
Consider it as if he does.
- Yeah, who reps it? - Who knows?
And who are the writers? There's no cover page.
- Listen, Steve. - Ari.
- Steve! - Who are the fucking writers, Ari?
Could be Gaghan. Could be Zaillian.
Could be Bill fucking Shakespeare. I'll never tell.
PARLES: Stop acting like a child.
Vince starred in the highest-grossing movie of all time.
You know that he can carry this movie.
I love Vince, Ari. You know that.
I just can't risk it right now.
I can't sell you the script then, Steve.
- Ari, come on. - I'm sorry.
Go fuck yourself.
All right. That sounds awesome.
Okay. All right, buddy.
- What happened? - What did he say?
We're just gonna keep plugging away.
Come on, Ari. I can take it.
He said that he'll pay 350 for the script...
Without you.
Jesus. What do you want me to do?
Sell it. Take care of your writers.
No, no, no, no. Do not sell it.
We still have five meetings left, all right?
And we now have a bidding war which you can use to stall.
So stall. I will sell this for you, Vinnie.
Okay, look, I've got to go deal with Amanda.
It's okay, you go ahead. I'll roll with Ari.
All right. And we will return from the war heroes, Vinnie.
I promise you.
Hey, Ari, I don't have Steve Parles's number.
You just heard the offer from me, Dopey.
What, do you need a certified letter from him to work over Amanda?
Just do it.
Thank you.
But still, I have to say your character Quinn
is one we don't really know that much about yet.
Are you saying I don't get enough screen time?
No, we see plenty of you.
- Too much. (LAUGHS) - Asshole.
But you are the tough guy with no girl. What's that?
Think they'll ever give you a relationship on the show?
I think they'd like to leave it unseen.
Like I basically have a stable of women around town.
Is that how it is in real life?
Well...
Or are you more of a one-woman type guy?
He's more of a no-woman guy.
- AUDIENCE: Aw. - (BRANDON LAUGHS)
SHERRl: So, Johnny, is there anything you want to share with us?
He just got dumped.
Drama's gonna hit this kid.
I didn't get dumped. Take it easy, Brandon.
Okay, you didn't get dumped. So tell us what happened.
Give us a little Dr. Phil moment or something.
Sorry, Whoopi, no moment to be had.
It's just tough for a celebrity
to date a civilian is all.
They don't get the lifestyle.
And inevitably you have no choice, but to cut them loose.
Don't believe him. He's devastated.
He's got pictures of this girl wallpapering his trailer.
Enough, Brandon. I'm not playing.
Wow, Johnny, you really are the muscle.
Come on, Johnny. Just tell us what really happened.
We're here for you. Everyone wants to know, right?
- (CROWD APPLAUDS) - BRANDON: Yeah.
No.
I was a little possessive, I suppose, so she ended it. It's no big thing.
I thought you said you ended it.
- Yeah, well, it was mutual. - Ah, okay.
- We both had our reasons. - Right, cool.
- I'm fine. - He's not fine.
WHOOPl: Well, look, in case she's watching,
why don't you use this forum to tell her... What's her name?
- Jacqueline. - Jacqueline.
Tell Jacqueline how you feel and what you're thinking.
- What the fuck is this? - DRAMA: I don't think so.
- Come on, Johnny. - I'd rather not.
- Come on, Johnny. - (AUDIENCE CLAPPING)
- Yeah. - Yeah, come on.
You know what? Brandon was kind enough to bring a picture of Jacqueline here.
- ELISABETH: We have a photo. There she is. - This is a setup?
ELISABETH: Isn't she lovely? WHOOPl: She's cute.
Come on, why don't you talk to her, John?
Right there, talk to her.
- Hey, baby. - (TURTLE GROANS)
I just want to say I'm sorry I was a little overprotective.
And I miss you.
I miss hearing your voice. I miss hearing you laugh.
- This is horrifying. - Don't fucking cry.
- DRAMA: I love you, baby. - Jesus.
I miss you being the last thing I say good night to.
I just want to say I love you, baby.
Tweet.
Tweet?
What is tweet?
It's just something we say.
I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
SHAUNA: Fuck!
Johnny!
He would have been better off yakking on them.
- Let's go. Fuck this. - Disaster.
- Will you calm down? - Don't you dare tell me to calm down.
You said I had this exclusively.
I told you that I gave it to Vince first.
- And Vince changed his mind. - Fuck Vince and fuck Ari.
I put my ass on the line and gave it to Edward fucking Norton.
Wow. I've never heard you curse before, Amanda.
Just tell me what you want.
Look, I'm being as upfront with you as I possibly can.
My writers want 500 Gs and a guarantee that the movie gets made.
- That's ridiculous. - I told them that.
But that's what they want.
And Steve Parles is gonna give them that?
He's getting closer.
With Vince starring?
Ahem. Where's he at?
Come on.
So now you're coy?
One second you're Honest Abe with little rosy cheeks,
the next you can't let your slippery little tongue...
I don't want to be abused, Amanda.
Look, Edward wants this project.
But he is buying it without a studio and he wants it at a price.
How much is he gonna get paid if the movie gets made?
- How is that relevant? - If he's gonna get his quote...
If he's gonna get his quote what? Your writers should get theirs?
E, your writers don't have a quote.
Your writers don't have a pot to piss in.
Edward Norton is an Academy Award nominee who wants to take their very raw script
and turn it into something special.
If you want to go and sell it to the first person
with deep pockets for Vincent Chase, be my guest.
It'll be a piece of shit like the last movie you guys made.
Wow. You're a cold bitch, huh?
But here are the facts, I've got a better offer.
You've got a conflict of interest
because you represent Ed and you're trying to sell the script.
But you lowballed us and you know it.
So take it back to Ed and tell him what we want.
The whole naiveté thing is just an act, isn't it?
You know just a little more than you let on.
Well, know this,
Edward Norton is not getting into a bidding war.
- Amanda. - We're out.
- Amanda. - Fuck off.
TOM: You know the respect we have foryou.
We did Head On together.
It was great for you and it was great for us, okay?
This movie is too expensive for us to finance with you in the lead.
I totally understand, Tom, and I appreciate the honesty.
- Thank you. - I actually would prefer if you lied to us,
like every other dick head in this town, but very refreshing.
- Thank you. - Okay, thank you.
- Listen to me. You'll be back, buddy. - Tom, thank you.
This is not forever, right? You'll be back.
Once a star always a threat, buddy.
- Good to see you. - All right, man.
- Thank you so much, Tom. - Thanks, Ari.
0 for seven. That can't be good.
- Wow. - What?
It's so bad you can't even spin it?
Try and spin it, Ari.
It will turn for us, I promise you.
- No spinning. - We have to make it turn.
I am trying.
- Have you read the script? - Which one?
- Smokejumpers. - Yes, I told you I read it.
Most of it.
You know the part of Ray?
The brother.
It's a good part.
It's not the lead.
I'm not getting leads.
It's a good part in a good movie.
It'd be good for me to be part of a good movie, right?
That was so fucking humiliating.
I can't believe the girls of The View would set him up like that.
- Sneaky bitches. - They said they won't cut it?
Damage done. It already aired on the East Coast.
Women will probably love it though.
I don't care about The View's audience. I care about Drama's.
If you don't think that all those women watching the show
are gonna tell their teenage kids that he's a fucking pussy, you're crazy.
At least it wasn't Vince.
He should be so fucking lucky. Get in.
Hey, buddy.
Too late to cut your meltdown, Drama.
Who gives a shit?
It was from the heart. It was truthful.
Oh, Jesus, Drama. How many bottles is that?
I lost count shortly after takeoff.
- Oh, Christ. Let's get him home. - DRAMA: Why?
What is there for me there, Shauna? I got no girl, no love.
- I got nothing. - Drama.
When I came into this world I had nothing.
Now I'm right back to it.
I left everything I had up on that stage,
except the clothes on my back.
Maybe you should have left those, too.
It would have been far more interesting.
Maybe I should have.
Maybe I will.
Oh, Jesus Christ, Drama. Keep your clothes on.
- Hey, hey, what are you doing? - What the fuck?
- I got nothing! - Oh, God.
Would you get back in the car?
Do you hear me, world?
DRIVER: Mr. Chase, please get back in the car.
I got nothing, world!
- Drama! - (SIREN WAILS)
(GROANS)
Here, take my pants.
SHAUNA: Oh, Jesus. Get in the fucking car.
- (LAUGHING) - Oh, my God.
- Hey, E. - Hey, Lloyd.
- Did you see Johnny on The View? - How was it?
Interesting.
You looked stressed, E. What's the matter?
Amanda playing too rough for you?
'Cause I can call her and tell her to pick on someone her own size.
I lost Ed Norton. Please tell me you got something.
You lost Ed Norton?
I actually overestimated your negotiating skills.
- Ari. - No, he's right. He's right, I screwed up.
I didn't set my clients straight. Please tell me you guys did better.
Yeah, we did better. We did a whole lot better.
You got an offer?
500 Gs from Steve Parles for your writers just like you wanted.
- Really? - Yup. And Vince is in.
- And Vince is in? - Playing the brother Ray.
You're not gonna be the lead?
- Nope. - You okay with that?
- It was his idea. - It's a great role.
- It's gonna be a great movie. - Is it okay for him, Ari?
It's what's necessary right now.
- And we got you the 500 Gs. - Yup.
Wow, this is unbelievable. It really is.
Say, "Thank you, Ari."
Come on. Say, "Thank you, Ari."
- Thank you, Ari. I appreciate it. - Come here. There you go.
- I love it. - Aw.
(LAUGHING)
- Thanks, Vince. - (PHONE RINGS)
It's actually my writers right here.
- Tell them the good news. - Think Jed and Clevis will go for it?
- Or are they gonna want to direct now, too? - Nick.
Where've you been, E? We've been waiting on pins and needles.
- LB. - I mean, you don't answer your phone.
I sent you like 25 emails. What are we paying you for?
- I got you your offer. - He got us an offer.
500,000 just like you wanted and Vince is gonna play the second lead.
- I think I love you, E. - What's he saying? What's he saying?
Vince and Ed Norton and 500 Gs.
Oh, my God!
Uh, no, Ed Norton. Ed Norton's out.
- Ed Norton's out. - Wait, why is Ed Norton out?
Why is Ed Norton out?
E, Nick here. Why is Ed Norton out?
His people didn't want to get into a bidding war
and sometimes you just can't push.
Yeah, but don't we pay you to know how hard to push? I mean, come on.
You haven't paid me anything yet, Nick, and I just made you half a million dollars.
I know, I know.
But, you know, we got all amped on Ed Norton today.
We watched his movie, uh...
- He was so great in American History X. - American History X.
I mean, the guy can act. He's a good actor.
Yeah, he is. And so is Vince and he's the one you initially wanted, so...
Actually, that letter that we sent you we sent to pretty much everybody.
You were just the only one that responded.
Are you happy?
Nick, come on. Today you live with your mother,
tomorrow you don't have to. Tell me you're happy.
Yeah, I'm happy. I'm happy.
I just... You know, Ed Norton. I mean...
I'm accepting the deal. Say thank you.
(SIGHS)
Okay, thank you, E.
Thank you. Here, say thank you.
Thank you, E.
All right, you're welcome. I'll talk to you later. Done deal.
All right, we'll call them in the morning. Good news, Lloyd.
Vince will have a new movie poster for you to whack off to soon.
Oh, that's great news. Congrats, Vince.
But Turtle's on the phone. He says neither of you will pick up your cells.
- My ringer's off. What's up? - It's Drama.
What about him?
PRISONERS: Victory!
Whoo!
ARl: Your target demographic.
You all right, Johnny?
Another incarceration on my record.
But at least I'm reminded of the soothing touch
of a beautiful woman.
- He's all yours. - Thank you.
When am I gonna see you in a new movie, Vince?
Pretty soon, I think.
One brother getting out of movie-star jail, the other one just getting out ofjail.
- You got a movie, bro? - Looks like it.
There is justice in this world.
LLOYD: There is more than that, Johnny Drama.
I've spoken to many of my friends today
and they loved your performance on The View.
Think they'll love whacking it to his mug shot as well, Lloyd?
Great image, Shauna. Nice.
Can we got to Villa, bro?
I need to drown my sorrows in some pussy.
- You got it. - (PHONE RINGS)
My favorite female agent. How are you?
Let's stick to business, Eric.
Do we have any business to stick to?
Edward's back in and he's bringing a studio with him.
I'm about to make a deal, Amanda.
The offer's $1 million against $2 million for the script.
- Wow. - What is it?
I need Vince in the second lead.
What?
Vince is Ray the brother or I can't close.
Alan Gray is buying it, E.
Not sure how your relationship is with him since he fired Vince off Aquaman.
But you can call.
In the meantime call your writers and tell them they have Edward Norton
and a $2 million offer.
I'm sure they'll want to close.
Ahem.
What did she say?
(ROCK MUSIC PLAYING)