(THEME MUSIC PLAYING)
(CROAKING)
(PHONE RINGING)
(SIGHS)
(PHONE CLATTERS)
- Hello? - Are you sleeping?
No, I'm fly-fishing. Who is this?
It's Jamie. I'm sorry to wake you.
No no no. I'm up.
I'm not sleeping. Jamie-Lynn Jamie?
Yeah.
- What's going on? - Nothing.
I just got back from Europe and my internal clock is all off
and I thought if you weren't sleeping...
I'm not sleeping.
Well, then why don't you come over?
Is this a trap? 'Cause the last time I saw you
you weren't exactly thrilled with me.
Well, maybe this time you'll keep your mouth shut.
And what am I keeping my mouth shut about?
Just come over.
Is this a booty call?
When are you gonna learn that talking
just gets you into trouble, Turtle?
Where are you going?
Jesus, Vin, you scared the shit out of me. What are you doing up?
My call time's in an hour. I'm getting ready to shoot.
The real question is what are you doing up?
Oh, since I'm banned from set, I figured I'd head back
into town and do that favor Dom needed.
It's 4:00 in the morning.
Yeah, but he said he needed us to take the car
back to the leasing company, right?
Not till the first. It's the 14th.
Now, where are you going?
You know I'd never lie to you, Vin.
Please don't make me tell you.
You having gambling troubles or something?
No, no, I'm all good.
All right, as long as you're all good.
You all good?
Yeah, I'm pumped about the scene today.
- You get any sleep? - No.
I watched all my old movies last night.
Verner was right, I do have some bad habits.
But today I've got my head on straight.
You're gonna kill it, Vin.
You too, right?
Trying to trick me into tell you where I'm going?
Never.
Have fun.
What do you mean he wouldn't tell you where he was going?
I don't know. He's got something he's got to do.
What could Turtle possibly have to do that doesn't involve us?
- Seriously. - I don't know. Look, I have to focus.
- MAN: We're ready for you, Vince. - Okay.
- And these guys... - Yeah yeah yeah, we know.
We're persona non grata.
- Send our regards to V.V. - Sorry.
- We'll be in the trailer. - All right.
- Wish we could see it, bro. - You will, on the big screen.
- Knock 'em dead, Vince. - You know it.
Now, Vincent, this is the most critical moment for your character.
His life is hanging in balance
both literally and figuratively.
So we must feel his vulnerability.
I completely get it.
Because this vulnerability, it's what lies
at the core of McCabe.
Like an onion, without a core there's no layers.
Whatever you need, Verner, I will deliver.
Good. Thank you. Thank you very much.
I appreciate it. Are we ready to shoot?
- A. D: All right, we're good. - Okay, let's do this.
Harness set. Here we go.
MAN: All right, everyone, this is for picture.
- This is for picture, everyone. - A. D: Fire!
- Wind. - Roll camera.
- Rolling!
"Smokejumpers" scene 43 take one. Mark.
Action!
Yeah, Wilson, it's McCabe.
I'm code three.
Winds took me about 100 yards from the drop point.
(CLEARS THROAT)
(SIGHS)
What are you doing?
I was getting ready to do my walk of shame.
Isn't that what I'm supposed to do?
Oh, poor Turtle.
Are you feeling used?
No no, I'm very very happy.
And I want to keep you happy in case you decide you want to call again.
Look, Turtle, if you have somewhere to go, you can go.
I got nowhere to go, Jamie. In fact, I'll move in if you want me to.
I'm hungry. I want to eat.
I can go get us something if you want.
I was thinking we could go out.
Okay.
Yeah, I'd love that.
Get your ass back here first.
I want to work up an appetite.
Okay.
"Smokejumpers" scene 43 take 51.
A. D: Cue the fire.
And action!
(GROANS)
Wilson, it's McCabe.
I'm code three.
Winds dragged me about 100 yards
from the drop point northeast.
I don't think I'm gonna make it, man.
Can you call my wife?
I need to talk to my wife.
VERNER: Stop. Take it from the top.
And more passion.
- Where? - Everywhere.
All right, come on. Let's do it.
Okay, action.
Yeah, Wilson, it's McCabe.
This'll have to be the last take.
Otherwise we go into meal penalty.
I don't give a fuck about meal penalty.
You call my wife.
Tell her I love her.
VERNER: Take it from the middle.
- From where? - The middle, "Call my wife."
Okay.
VERNER: Okay, action.
I got to talk to my wife, Wilson. I'm not gonna make it.
- Vincent. - Can you call my wife?
Tell her I love...
I need more passion.
There should be fear or panic.
You think this is it.
And the girl you're calling, that's your childhood love.
There should be sorrow, remorse,
sadness.
Action!
Wilson, I don't think I'm gonna make it, man.
Can you call my wife?
Tell her I love her!
- I don't see it. - (GROANS)
I can't see it. I can't see it in your face.
You've got to show me that you love her.
- Give me what I need. - I'm trying.
Try harder. From the middle.
Action!
You got to call my wife for me.
- It's lunch time. - Shut up!
You call my wife and you tell her I love her.
Ah! Who taught you to act?
- Stop interrupting me. - Make me stop then.
Make me believe that what I'm seeing is real.
Make me believe I'm not watching a fucking high school play.
- Cut me down. - Oh, no, you stay there.
- You finish this scene, God damn it. - No. No!
- Cut me down. - Jesus Christ!
A. D: Coming down. Should I call lunch?
- No! - All right.
Look, you push me all you want,
but I don't appreciate you insulting me personally.
And I don't appreciate you taking three hours to get a simple scene.
Well, maybe if you knew what you wanted it would be simple.
I know what I want. I do know what I want.
I just did 50 takes
and you seem to keep asking me to do something different.
I just need something that works.
- They all work. - No, they don't.
I don't have one usable take. Not one.
Look, just tell me what you want exactly and I will give it to you.
We're in penalty.
I wish it were that simple, but it's not.
You can't give me what I want because you're not capable of it.
Maybe you shouldn't have done this movie with me.
I tried not to.
But your little friend at the studio
jammed you down my goddamn fucking throat.
You were never right for this role. Never.
Oh, come on. That's bullshit.
You just refuse to believe it because you wanted someone else.
This is ridiculous. This is not gonna work, not ever.
Okay, you know what? You're the dictator,
so you figure out a way to make it work.
You're right, Vincent.
You're fired.
Now you can call lunch.
(APPLAUDING)
There he is. Welcome home, Andrew.
Feels good, Ari.
Should we hit a titty bar to celebrate?
- Ari. - Talk to your newest boss
Mr. Andrew Klein.
- Ari. - In fact, everyone listen up.
This is Andrew Klein. Today and every day, consider him me
and me the me dealing with more important stuff than you.
- Ari! - Why are you standing there
like you just swallowed a dildo anally, Lloyd?
- I told you he was me. - I'm sorry, Lloyd.
- He told me to say it. - And his timing was impeccable.
- What's up, Lloyd? - E called.
- So tell him I'll call him back. - It's about Vince, Ari.
I need to talk to you about Vince also, Ari.
So talk.
My girlfriend works for Josh Hartnett's agent.
She said they just called offering him Vince's role in "Smokejumpers."
- What? - E said it was urgent.
Jesus Christ, get him on the phone.
Now!
- Verner fired him. - ARl: Why?
- The prick says I can't act. - Jesus Christ.
Look, he never wanted him in the movie from the start.
It was pure sabotage.
- I'm coming up there. - Why? We're packing to leave.
Well, don't. It's not over yet.
- He wants us to wait. - Wait?
Wait for what? I just got humiliated.
What, are you gonna come beg for my job back?
- I don't beg. - I don't need this that bad.
Yes you do, Vince. Now please, just wait.
Fine, but you'd better hurry.
Lloyd, get Jerry Bruckheimer on the phone
and tell him I need to get to Big Bear fast.
And beg him to let me borrow his ride.
- Everything all right? - No, but it will be.
TURTLE: Wow, you really found an out-of-the-way spot, huh?
- I like it here. - Oh, yeah?
Yeah. I lived in New Orleans for a little while
and this is the best jambalaya in California.
Still out of the way though.
What's the problem, Turtle?
No problem. Hey, you want to hide me, consider me hidden.
- I eat here all the time. - Really?
- Hi, Jamie, baby. How you doing? - I'm good, Val.
How are you? Really.
Listen, I just want to apologize again for opening my big mouth.
Let's not bring it up.
I really only told my boys.
Yeah, but your boys told everyone.
And I have a crazy ex-boyfriend,
and when he found out, let's just say it was not good.
If you got a problem with some guy...
He's on the Chargers.
(CHUCKLES)
- Is he the kicker? - Nope.
- I'll keep it low. - You promise this time?
- I pinkie swear. - (LAUGHS)
Why'd you call last night?
My therapist says I'm attracted to losers.
Lucky me.
I thought you were cute, Turtle.
So you like me?
I liked you on that plane.
So do you like jambalaya?
You know, I've never had it,
but if you say it's good I'll try it.
You always this easy?
Oh, yeah, I've been told I lift the spirits
of everyone around me since I was yea big.
(LAUGHS) That's nice.
So your therapist really said you were attracted to losers?
- Yeah, but she's a quack. - (LAUGHS)
Hi. A jambalaya and an étouffée.
We'll just split 'em both.
Vinnie Chase. Where the fuck do I find Vinnie Chase?
What a way to make an entrance, Ari.
That's nothing compared to what I'm gonna do to this kraut director.
It's either you or me. And if I go in, I'm going in blazing.
- Settle down. Where's Vinnie? - Right in there.
How you doing, buddy?
I want to get the fuck out of here is how I'm doing.
Listen, take a deep breath and relax.
- It's all gonna be fine. - How?
Because a Jew has arrived and he doesn't like Germans.
Now where do I find him?
Der Kommissar is leaving his bunker now.
Hang tight.
Go get him.
Verner Vollstedt, do you have a minute?
- Who's asking? - Ari Gold.
- Oh, the super-duper agent. - (BOTH LAUGH)
I'm afraid your client already has used all my spare minutes.
Well, I'll be brief.
Tell Mr. Norton we'll shoot in less than five minutes.
Okay.
I hear we have a problem.
No, we don't have a problem. I have a problem
because your client will not perform the services I request.
My client has performed just fine in every movie he's ever done
including a blockbuster
for an Oscar-winning American director.
Well, this is a film about human beings with layers.
It's not about some swimming superhero.
I don't care if it's a movie about a dancing cucumber.
He will deliver and I need for you
to get back out there and help him to do that.
I think that's impossible
unless the ghost of Sir Laurence Olivier
were miraculously to inhabit his body.
Your client is soulless.
You don't have the authority to fire him.
The studio will not let you.
Have you even let them know that your movie
is in complete disarray?
I have three days to shoot Mr. Norton in the woods.
And by the time the crew comes to save his character
the role that Vincent couldn't play
will be taken by someone the studio will be very happy with.
Josh Hartnett? Yeah, I know all.
When you took this movie, Vinnie Chase was attached,
- and that's how you will finish it. - Are you threatening me?
If you consider me telling you that you'll be lucky
to get a der wienerschnitzel commercial in this country
if you don't go back to work, then yeah, it's a fucking threat.
(BOTH LAUGHING)
I don't respond to threats, Mr. Gold.
This conversation is over.
Nothing is over. When I'm done with you
it'll make the battle of Normandy
look like a game of fucking paintball.
- (LAUGHING) - (PHONE RINGING)
Hold on. Hello?
I have Ari Gold for you, Miss Gordon.
Oh, yes, put his through.
Dana, how's my favorite studio head who I made?
(LAUGHS) Great. You know, two days at our theme park
in Sydney is quite a stress reliever.
Well, imagine three children just got tossed off
the roller coaster and tense up.
What do you mean?
What I mean is your "Smokejumpers" director
has fucking collapsed like a house of cards.
Okay, Ari, tell me what the fuck is happening?
He doesn't know what he's doing. He doesn't know what he wants.
We need to get him off this thing and find someone that does.
Jesus Christ. I am on a plane with John Ellis.
I will be on the ground in L.A. In 90 minutes.
In 90 minutes you could be back blowing hack writers
just to get them to meet you to have a cup of coffee, Dana.
Wake the fuck up!
All right, I'm calling the set.
Be by your phone for when I call you back.
(SIGHS)
- What did he say? - Nothing worth interpreting.
All right, I'm gonna call Shauna.
Have her release a statement that Vince walked off the movie.
Hold off, E. No press, all right?
Dana Gordon is on this. All will be well.
(EXPLOSION)
Unless Edward Norton just blew up.
It's really sweet of you to do this for your friend.
That's such a sad story.
Yeah, he'll bounce back.
In about 15 to 20 years probably.
- Oh, damn. - (LAUGHS)
- He's got a big head. - That looks good on you.
- Thank you. - You're welcome.
So are most of your friends from growing up
big successes like Vince or more like Dom?
I got a few Doms. There's only one Vince.
He's like a hero where I'm from.
People are gonna freak out when they see him bounce back like this.
And what's your plan?
My plan for what?
For life. Do you have one?
It might not look it,
but I'm plotting a few things.
Oh yeah? Like what?
(CHUCKLES)
I'm sorry. I didn't mean to put you on the spot like that.
No, it's okay. It's just...
Things haven't exactly panned out careerwise.
Well, why don't you take over this limo business
and I will be the driver?
Hot girls driving limos...
I love that. Call it Lim-hos.
(LAUGHS) I don't know about the name.
Yeah, I'm not sure about having a business partner
who's in jail either.
- I'll find my niche. - I believe it.
Or maybe you really are just attracted to losers.
Or maybe I see potential.
James Cameron is finishing up "Avatar."
Ridley Scott just left for England.
Ron Howard is doing "Angels and Demons."
Half the town is out of work. You can't find me one available director?
Kevin Smith isn't doing anything.
Are you looking at the DGA list or are you staring out the window
at the line in front of the Sprinkles fucking Cupcakes store.
- Oh, Ari, you sound so stressed. - Shut the fuck up, Lloyd.
This gets more humiliating by the second.
Did Pete Berg call back?
No, but his assistant assured me he got the message.
You get him. You get me?
You want me to call Barbet Schroeder?
I did three days as an extra on "Barfly."
- How fucking old are you? - Ari, what are we doing?
I'm not getting rehired. You're not finding a director.
It's over. Let's get the fuck out of here.
Seriously, at what point do we take back our self-respect?
We take it back when I say, okay? Dana Gordon owes me.
You really think she's gonna let you replace the director?
After what I did for her,
she would let us double penetrate her if I asked her.
- Ew. - Jesus.
Listen, I'm sorry, Vinnie. Okay, listen.
We promised this year we were gonna listen to me, all right?
Now we got to stay put until Dana Gordon tells us what's what.
- (PHONE RINGING) - That's her right now. Just chill.
Dana Gordon, give me something good.
I have nothing good.
That German cocksucker reamed me out for 45 minutes.
Well, ream him back.
Ari, if John Ellis finds out about this I'm fucked.
Dana, you are the president of the studio.
Yeah, doing my first $100 million movie.
Remember, Verner works for you, okay?
He's a high-paid employee,
but like any employee he can be replaced.
Nobody is replacing anybody, all right?
- I told Verner that. - What did he say?
He said he wants to discuss it face to face.
We wants to give me his side of the story. He's on his way here now.
- So am I. - Ari, you don't need to come.
Yes I do need to come. And I'm gonna bring Vinnie
and he's gonna tell you the truth.
All right, everybody. We're moving out.
- Where to? - The studio.
- (HONKING) - Jesus Christ!
- Quickly. - This is ridiculous.
You know, I was the one in the crew
who made all the money back in high school.
In fact, if it wasn't for me,
Vince wouldn't have been able to come out west.
- Really? - Yeah.
Well, Drama put us up,
but it was my 15 Gs that covered all the expenses.
You know, the flights, the food, whatever.
How'd you make all that money in high school?
Well, it's not like I sold drugs.
I was a bookie.
Very entrepreneurial.
Not something I want to carry over as an adult.
I think that was a good move.
I always wanted to open a restaurant.
You know, good food, maybe some delivery.
- Call it "Turtle's." - Cute.
But doesn't exactly imply speedy service.
How about Kenny's?
- Your name is Kenny? - No.
- (LAUGHS) - Oh, you're one of those guys.
You don't even ask what your real name is 'cause you'll never tell.
I haven't been called by my real name since I was five years old.
Even my mother calls me Turtle.
Then I won't ask.
It's Sal.
Sal?
Yup.
I like that.
How'd you like to spend the weekend in La Jolla with me, Sal?
Really?
Really.
Okay.
(STARTS CAR)
They can't do their best work.
I don't understand why they are here.
ARl: Because it's a free country
and not Germany circa 1939.
- Okay, Ari, please. - Listen, I should be on the set.
On my set working. I shouldn't be here wasting time
explaining why this is not a workable situation.
Dana, this guy has had it out for Vince since we started this movie.
Who's this man?
DANA: Okay, look, this is silly.
We are a week into a production that is already
over budget by $2 million.
I'm over budget because I'm saddled with an actor that can't do the job.
But listen, I got calls into Leo.
He and I worked together on a commercial in Austria.
He's in Boston right now shooting "Shutter Island."
I got calls into other actors as well.
Like who?
- Like Joaquin Phoenix. - Booked.
- Christian Bale. - Booked.
I'll take fucking Ashton Kutcher over this guy.
All right, that's enough. Dana, what are you gonna do?
Because I'm not gonna sit here and let this guy insult Vince anymore.
- Thank you, E. - And I'm his manager, you jerkoff.
How many people does it take
to handle one talentless actor?
Look, Dana, I think I was doing a great job.
At least I was killing myself trying to.
But I'm not willing to take this shit either.
So you tell me what you want to do.
I know what I want to do.
I want you guys to get back on the set and finish this movie.
Would be happy to.
No. No.
No!
Well, I got a call right now from Pete Berg.
Directed a little movie called "Hancock."
Made about $1 billion. He was my college roommate.
- What's this crap? - It's the end of the line.
Pete, how are you, buddy?
- Hello, Ari. - My man.
- What's up, man? - You get my message?
Yeah, I talked to your guy and I told him I cannot do it.
I promised Joy we're going on vacation.
We're going on vacation right now.
Oh, yeah? That's fantastic.
No no, I don't think you heard me. I said I cannot do it.
We're going on vacation. I said no.
- Give me it. - I love it.
I'm getting on the airplane.
Ari, find someone else. He's not interested.
- BERG: Love you, Ari. - All right, we'll talk soon.
I love you too, buddy.
All right, he had already read the script.
He loves it. Sign off on him.
Tell the kraut to grab his passport and get the fuck out.
I'm not going to take anymore of this shit now.
Oh, yes, you fucking are. Get your ass back here.
I hired you and you have a movie to finish
that you are getting paid a lot of money to do
and that is exactly what is going to fucking happen.
- Do you understand me? - I do.
Anyone else turned on right now?
- I want to talk to John Ellis. - Well, you can't.
No, God damn it. I can.
John Ellis!
- Where's John Ellis? - Conference room.
- What the hell's going on? - He's running for the chairman.
DRAMA: Want me to stop him?
- DANA: You cannot go in there. - John Ellis!
VERNER: John Ellis!
This guy's insane.
John Ellis!
SECRETARY: Hey, what are you doing?
John Ellis!
Verner Vollstedt. I need a word.
Dana, what the hell is going on?
You should have let me take him down.
I don't think it would have helped much.
It wouldn't have hurt.
I could have shredded his ACL in a flash.
How does a guy like Ellis make a decision like that
based on three days of footage?
It's his studio. He can do whatever he wants.
Oh, what if he doesn't like what I did?
He'll like what you did. You like what he did, right?
I was banned from the set mostly.
He'll like what you did.
Word to the mother, bitch.
Yeah, keep sucking down that tar, vermin.
John. John.
Really? Jesus, John.
John, what's your decision?
- What did he say, Dana? - He said, and I quote,
"This is why I hire women to blow me, not run my studio."
Meaning what?
Meaning he's shutting down the movie
and I might have to blow him to keep my job.
(GROANS) I can't believe this.
Vince, it's over budget, overly complicated.
- It's over. - This is unbelievable.
If it's any consolation,
he thought you were great in what he saw and so did I.
Sorry, guys.
Vin, I don't know what to say.
There's nothing to say.
No one could have seen this coming.
So what now?
Let's go home.
(JAMIE LAUGHING)
TURTLE: Why are you making fun of me?
I just thought we were going to spend the weekend in bed,
and you want to pet Shamu.
I am not trying to avoid the sex, okay?
I have been here for 12 years and I have not been to Sea World.
Fine, Sea World from 10:00 to 1:00
- then back to bed. - Thank you.
(PHONE RINGING)
Oh, shit. It's Vince.
Shh, I'm not here.
Yo, buddy, what's up?
Oh, man.
Yeah, yeah.
Of course I'll be there.
We're gonna need to buckle up before we take off, sir.
Yeah, and we're gonna need some scotch
after we take off. And plenty of it, sister.
Is that Vincent Chase in 13B?
In coach? No.
Excuse me. Sorry, guys.
(SIGHS) Sorry I'm late, guys.
- Where you been, Turtle? - Nowhere.
Just running some errands. How you doing, Vin?
Hey, we always said if we had nothing we'd go back to Queens.
Everything's gonna be all right.
It always is.
Seriously, Turtle.
What's the big mystery? Where've you been?
No mystery. Just had some stuff to do.
- What stuff? - Don't worry about it.
You okay?
Been better.
(SOFT ROCK MUSIC PLAYING)