(theme music playing)
Ashley: Hey, should I sleep over tonight?
- If you want to. - Well, do you want me to?
I want you to if you want to.
Wow, this looks amazing.
It's my specialty.
I only grill for very special people.
- I appreciate that. - (laughs)
You know, I don't think I'm gonna sleep over tonight.
- That's cool. - I mean I slept here every night this week.
Look, I totally understand.
And it doesn't sound like you want me to.
I want you to. I mean, if you want to.
But if you don't, that's totally cool.
I want to.
- Then I want you to. - Well, good.
- (phone ringing) - I'll get it.
- No, let's eat. I'll call back. - I got it.
It... it's Sloan.
- Huh? - Your caller I.D. Says it's Sloan.
Oh.
- I'm assuming there's only one Sloan. - Yeah.
- Should you answer it? - No.
- What, should I? - No.
So what do you think she wanted?
I have no idea.
(phone ringing)
Please get it.
- No. - Don't you want to know what she wants?
- I don't care what she wants. - What if something's wrong?
You should answer it. Please.
- Hello? - Hey, Eric, it's Sloan.
- Hey. - Is this a bad time?
- No. - Okay.
I just wanted to let you know
the golf charity thing you guys are playing in tomorrow,
- I'm co-chairing the event. - Oh.
- I didn't know if you knew that or not. - Uh, did not.
Well, I wanted you to so it's not awkward
- between us when we see each other. - That's cool.
So hopefully this awkwardness ended the awkwardness.
- Okay. - Okay.
- Good talk. - Okay.
- Bye. - Bye.
So what did she want?
I don't know.
- Why did you say that? - I don't know.
Should have just told her "I'm seeing my ex today, no big deal."
- Yeah. - You've been with this girl a month.
- She's already got you living in fear? - I don't know.
Poor E. You're such a mess.
- Speaking of messes. - Jesus.
- Vince: Yo, what up, Ari? - Hey. Hey, you good? Everyone good?
- Yeah, we're good. Are you good? - Yeah.
- You don't look good. - In fact, you look awful.
Yeah, I didn't get any sleep last night.
The wife made me sleep on the couch.
- First time in 15 years. - Why, what'd you do?
I suppose I lied to her.
Everybody seems to be doing that these days.
I just can't understand it.
Me and my girl, we always tell each other the truth
- and we have no problems. - Yeah, Turtle, you have no problems.
Sorry. So sorry I'm late. I could not find this place.
Hello, all. Sharp shirt, Johnny Drama.
- (all laughing) - I'll be hitting the pro shop.
What are you doing in civilian clothing anyway, Lloyd?
- I have him caddying today. - Very nice, Ari.
I'm building his self-esteem. Go stand in the corner.
Right there, chop chop.
Incoming, 3:00.
- Hey, guys. Hey. - Eric: Hey.
Listen, sorry if I was a little weird on the phone last night.
Oh, it's not a big deal.
I'm sorry for... everything.
- You guys, thank you so much for coming. - Of course.
I see you're enjoying the wonderful breakfast.
I have your pairings here.
I hope you're not bummed. This was difficult.
- I put Vince and Johnny together. - Why wouldn't you?
With Tom Brady and Mark Wahlberg.
Gee, who's the ugliest person in that foursome? Think fast.
Ari, Jeffrey Tambor called 10 times
to make sure I paired you with him and his sons.
He said he cleared it with you. You'd be thrilled.
Well, it's for charity. So I'll see you guys out there.
- Let's go shopping, Vince. - Let's do it.
- See you guys later. - Bye.
Grab Jeffrey and his kids' stuff pronto.
- Hey, Ari. - Hey, Jeff.
Ari, come on, you tell my boys how good my game has gotten.
Are you kidding me? His game is great.
That would be great.
- So what about me? Who am I with? - Who are we with?
Actually, somebody requested to play with you also.
Really? Is it Strahan or Gretzky? 'Cause I saw them walk by earlier.
It's not, Turtle. I'm sorry.
Murray Berenson.
Who the fuck is that?
This is a celebrity tournament and I don't get to play with a celebrity?
- What's up with that? - I wrote a $5,000 donation check, Turtle.
- You didn't, so stop complaining. - Still don't make me feel good
to know I'm playing with you and some other nobody.
Murray Berenson is far from a nobody.
He practically invented the management business.
Why do you think he wants to play with you?
- Good question. - I tried to get Berenson
to sign me like nine times in the '90s.
At least we know he has great taste.
- Yo, Gatsby and the funky bunch. - Eric: What's up, Mark?
- What's up, boys? You guys know Tom. - Hey, Tom, how are you?
- Hey, Vince, how are you? - Good. This is E.
- Nice to meet you. - My brother Johnny.
- Hey, Tom, how you doing? - Turtle.
- Hey.
All right.
Okay.
Shall we?
We shall. Later, B-squad.
- See you later. - I'm driving.
What was that?
What was what?
You were a little rude to Brady, no?
Unlike you guys, I don't sleep with the enemy.
- Notice the head covers? - What are you, five?
- I am what I am. - Is that Eric Murphy?
- Hey. - Murray Berenson.
Yeah, of course. How are you?
Just came from my cardiologist
and all four valves are working.
If he'd just marry my ex, or if anyone would,
I'd be utopic.
- Is that a word, utopic? - I don't know.
I'll check. If it's not, I'll trademark it.
- Cool. - So come ride with me, kid.
- Oh, I got my friend. - He'll follow. Come on.
Go, I'm good.
It's wonderful this tournament came when it did.
Oh, yeah? Why's that?
I just heard that you closed down your little shop.
- Yeah, I did. - And I wanted to talk to you
about coming to work at my big shop.
So, fellas, I'm thinking maybe we should make this a little interesting, huh?
- Really? At a charity event? - Look, if you boys aren't up for it...
No, we're up for it. But is this gonna be like the old days
where you try to pay me back in personal training sessions and shit?
I'm on a hit series now, Mark. Green money.
- Oooh. Vince? - Hey, I'm easy.
- Okay, what's your handicap? - I don't play golf much.
- What do you think it is, Johnny? - Plus 50 maybe.
- Is that good? - Tom: I'm a three.
I guess not.
So what are you playing to now, Marky?
I'm up there, but I'll play you at a five all day.
- Wow. - You?
- Call me a 15. - Oh, Drama, you sandbagging bitch.
I'm working all the time. I don't get out there much.
What, Mark and I are unemployed?
This guy's had 12 surgeries in six months.
He just got out of bed for the first time today.
What, you guys don't believe me?
No no no, Ripley. We believe you, okay?
- 15's not bad. - It's not good.
You want me to play to a 10, I'll play to a 10.
No, listen, if you're a 15, play to a 15.
Vince, we'll give you three strokes a hole. How's that sound?
- Okay. - All right, game on.
- $1,000 a hole. - Whoa! Okay.
- We got the tee box. - Take it.
- What did you say this guy does anyway? - I have no fucking idea.
I'm on a series, Tom. The same network as the Super Bowl.
You ever hear of TiVo? Game on.
No mercy, Vince.
- Motherfucker! God damn it! - (laughing)
- Hey, take a mulligan. - Really?
Drama, after that shot, take two.
What are you doing?
Who are you to judge me, agent scum?
This is for charity.
This is for my kids who I'm trying to impress.
- Is that okay with you? - Yeah, it's okay.
Oh, good.
Boy: Dad, can we get the fuck out of here already?
Yeah, Dad, it's so fucking hot.
- It's so fucking boring. - Hey hey hey!
This is a family day.
Now shut the fuck up and hit the ball.
I like the Tambor family.
- Shut the fuck up, Lloyd. - (phone ringing)
- Hey, honey. - Whose car is this in the driveway?
It's yours, baby. You like?
You're feeling really guilty, aren't you?
No, I'm really not. I just want you to know that I love you.
- You said you did nothing wrong. - And I maintain that position.
And yet you buy me a Maserati when you've been telling me over and over
- that we're trying to cut back? - We are cutting back, baby.
Your lease is up and I just want to see
how hot you're gonna look in that sexy beast.
Why don't you just say you're sorry?
Because another man's affair is not my business.
And it is not my business to tell you.
So I can't say I'm sorry.
I thought we told each other everything.
- We do. - Except this.
- Baby. - Sick car, Mom.
Come on, get out. It's not mine.
When did you meet Tom Brady?
It was years ago at a charity event.
And he couldn't have been nicer.
Whatever. I don't get the guy's whole appeal.
I didn't even think he was that good-looking and I was
- standing right next to him. - Oh my God, you are such a hater.
No, I'm such a New Yorker. And I betrayed
my New York trust by not telling him exactly what I wanted to tell him.
And what was it you wanted to tell him?
- That he sucks balls. - Ha, Turtle, he doesn't.
- What do you know? - I'm a football fan.
Yeah, I thought a Giants fan.
And if you really were you'd know it's the obligation
of every true blue Giants fan that if you see Tom Brady you tell him he sucks balls.
Turtle, do not tell Tom Brady that he sucks balls.
Actually, Jamie, you know what I'm gonna do?
Since you didn't, I'm gonna tell him he sucks balls twice.
One's from me and one's from you.
- Turtle, don't you dare. - Love you, babe. Bye.
Turtle! Idiot.
Where's he going?
Yo, Turtle.
I have no idea.
Anyway, where was I?
You were saying that you started out just like me.
Right, all I had was one big client.
George Lazenby. He was Bond.
The baddest Bond.
He told Cubby Broccoli to go fuck himself
one day and he was Bond no more.
Anyway, there were two of us, one room and a telefax.
- How did you turn it around? - With my charm, kid.
Convinced a big firm to bring me in.
Four years later I was running the place.
Have you ever considered
- making a move to a bigger company? - Not really.
I mean, the truth is I've been kind of running outside the system.
I've been doing pretty good. I just don't really know anybody.
You know me now. That's all you need to know.
They've written books about me.
Well, I've written books about me, but they've read them.
- I've read them too. - That's good.
Ah, now this is good.
Hope so. Six Cubans drowned
off the Florida Keys to get me those.
So what is it that I can do for you?
I was thinking maybe we could do some good for each other.
Oh, I'm guessing Ari told you about me.
I'm actually kind of surprised he said nice things.
- He and I don't usually see eye to eye. - Ari Gold?
The kid with the Jew fro who used to deliver my mail?
No, he didn't tell me about you.
Then who did?
My goddaughter Sloan.
(laughing)
Oh!
- The kids see that? - Uh, I don't think so.
All right, then it didn't happen.
So what is she so pissed about?
I don't... you know women.
The women I know know the man code.
It's no women's business to break that code.
That's what I told her.
- Oh! - Ahem.
- Did they see that? - Uh, no.
All right, you know, this is a little deep for me here.
Can we just... let's walk up a touch.
Okay.
Just, you know, tell your wife to ask any man.
They'll all tell her the same thing.
I should probably have her call you.
- You know, maybe you should. - Maybe, huh?
- Maybe I should call her. - Maybe.
Well, give me your phone, I'll call her.
You know what? You just focus.
I'm always focused when I'm out here.
What am I laying here anyway?
- Uh, not sure. - Three? Maybe two?
(whispers) Let's call it two.
- Okay. - All right.
- So who is it? - Who's what?
- The office cheat, who is it? - I don't know.
- Is it that little prick Bradley? - He always looks like
he's trying to fuck his assistant when I'm there.
- It's not Bradley. - Steve Ball,
the guy in the music department?
- 'Cause he dresses like a cad. - It's not him.
All right, don't keep me guessing. Who is it?
What does it matter?
You don't want to tell me.
We've been together for 23 years and you don't want...
you don't want to tell me.
You know the number on my checking account, for God's...
Go fuck yourself.
Unbelievable.
Wow, that is not so hard.
Did you see that, kids? I'm putting for a birdie.
- Jeffrey. - Go fuck yourself.
I found your ball, Mr. Gold.
That's good work, Lloyd.
Now go find this.
God damn it!
- Your brother's got some temper, huh? - Yeah, he's a little fiery.
It's only 'cause you guys questioned my handicap.
- It totally threw me. - We're sorry we got in your head, Drama.
I mean, I know how stable you normally are.
You didn't get in my head. Only I can get in my head. And I did.
Why don't we give your head a break and just call it off?
No, my head don't need a break.
In fact, to prove it, let's double the bet.
- Johnny. - Don't worry about it, bro.
Super Bowl MVP,
Oscar nominee don't mean shit out here.
A handicap's a handicap and I'm gonna play under mine.
- All right then. - Yo yo.
What are you doing, Turtle?
I got bored of E and the octogenarian,
so I thought I'd join you guys. I brought drinks.
Hey, thanks, Turtle.
You got a good one here.
Damn, I forgot about you, Tom. I only brought three.
I'm good. I'm used to the heat.
- Are you? - Hey, do I know you from somewhere?
Where you at the Giants' Super Bowl victory parade last year?
Wait, are you dating somebody?
- Yeah, if you can believe it. - Who are you dating?
- Jamie-Lynn Sigler. - Oh, right.
And I just want to say something from the both of us.
- You... - Jamie, she's awesome.
Yeah yeah, sweetest girl in the world. You know what?
We met at this charity event a few years ago. Gisele loved her.
Really?
Yeah. You know, we should go out sometime.
Us? You and Gisele?
Yeah, orjust come over to the house. She cooks.
Gisele cooks? That's awesome.
Why don't you stop staring at the guy like you want to fuck him, Turtle?
- What? - Drama: You want to get off the tee box?
- I'm trying to win some money. - When we're done with you, Drama,
you ain't gonna have nothing left but that SAG pension.
- Yeah, we'll see. - Hey, should we bring anything?
A nice bottle of wine or dessert or something?
Yeah yeah. She likes chocolate.
Chocolate? Done.
- Ooh. - Fuck! God damn it!
I'm telling you, it's the club.
I just had it regripped, man. Something's up.
Johnny, let it go. You're having an off day, that's all.
- Take another one, buddy. - Yeah?
Why don't you use this club? Works pretty good for me.
Really? You sure you don't mind?
This is a bet. I don't want to be taking anything off anyone.
Oh, yeah.
That's nice. No wonder I'm getting smoked.
What is this, custom? Mine's off the rack.
Oh, yeah.
Fuck! God damn!
Fucking God damn...
Sorry.
You broke Tom Brady's club, you asshole.
Sorry about that, Tom.
Ahem. Hey.
How was your day?
Not bad. Can we talk?
Uh, yeah. Just one second.
If you would excuse me, I'll be right back.
Thank you.
What's up?
It was your idea for me to play with Murray.
- Well... - You said it was his.
It was his. I just told him
that you shut down your business and you might be available.
- How'd you know that? - My friend is dating one of your ex-clients.
You seem to have a lot of friends.
Well, don't hate me because I'm popular.
What is the problem?
The problem is you treat me like I'm some kind of
social experiment or something.
- What do you mean? - First you find me a place to live,
now you're trying to get your godfather to hire me?
- These are bad things? - But why are you doing them?
- Because I care about you. - I thought you didn't want to be friends.
I said I couldn't be friends right now.
- And that's because I care too much. - So you want to see
if you can turn me into the man you want, then you'll consider talking to me?
Eric, I have no idea what you're being so hostile about.
I'm hostile because while you may just think I'm Vince's bitch,
I've done pretty okay for myself.
I don't need you out there begging people to offer me things.
I didn't beg anybody. I told someone about you
and I thought you guys might make a good match.
And apparently he agrees
because he's not some schmuck that's just gonna go
and hand out jobs because I tell him to.
And I don't think of you as Vince's bitch. But clearly you do.
- Maybe you don't know me so well. - I think I do.
Yeah, well, I told Murray I don't want the job, so what do you think of that?
- I think you're an idiot. - Whatever.
- Yes! - (cheering)
- Was that an eagle? - Yes, sir.
- Is that an eagle? - Well played, Jeffrey.
I told you not to speak to me. How's that, kids?
Come on, Jeff.
When trust goes out of the relationship,
I mean, what's left?
I mean, I don't think... I don't think we can do business anymore.
- Jeff, come on. Listen. - I have to think about this.
I think he just fired you.
He fires me all the time. Don't worry, it won't stick.
- You played well, Mr. Gold. - Run to that next sand trap.
Run to the...
- Man: Mr. Gold. - Yeah?
Mr. Gold, we were wondering if you could verify Mr. Tambor's scorecard.
- Verify it? - He claims he shot a 55.
Course record.
I wasn't counting.
These greens were rolled like shit. It was like putting on glass.
I feel bad taking this money from you, Vince,
especially since you played pretty good.
Don't sweat it, Tom. I just got paid $4 million to do the voiceover of a dog.
And the Chase brothers are no welchers.
Why don't we just donate the money to this charity?
- Good idea. - Unless it's a charity
for C-list actors who suck at golf.
I don't suck at golf. I had an off day.
Next time we see each other it's gonna be payback time.
Oh, I look forward to it, Drama.
You want to roll another 18? Let's go?
- I will never play with you again. - Right now, come on.
Hey, Tom, could you ever see yourself in a Giants' jersey?
That blue would really match your eyes.
- How was your day, boys? - Having dinner at Tom Brady's house.
You know he's not a Make-a-Wish kid, right?
- (laughing) - Jeffrey: You guys laughing at Ari?
Don't you know he's the devil?
You want to extricate yourself from his destructive powers.
- He fire you again? - Uh-huh.
You know, I don't even know what he'd offer me.
But I assume I'd have the freedom to do a lot.
- So why would you turn it down? - I don't know.
It just didn't feel like the right opportunity.
- You say this guy's a legend? - Yeah.
- And you can learn a lot from him? - Yeah.
So everything you're describing sounds perfect for you.
- What's holding you back? - I don't know.
Maybe you should reconsider.
You know, just meet with him. Get a feel for the place.
- Yeah, maybe you're right. - Yeah.
- You want some more wine? - Sure.
Sorry, Sloan.
What?
You just called me Sloan.
- I did? - Yeah.
(hip-hop music playing)
(music fades)