(theme music playing)
Sometimes people have a connection
that just can't be explained.
- Why fight it? - Because you know my uncle
doesn't like you! You know what he'll do!
Let me worry about your uncle.
You just worry about me.
- (groans) - Don't look, Turtle.
It's gonna be over soon.
Oh, Jesus.
You know when they say a guy can never bang his girl again
after he watches her give birth? That is what this is like.
(yelling) Okay, and cut! Cut the rain. Beautiful.
I want to do a lighting change. We'll pick this up in 30.
You're gonna do more takes?
I'm sorry. I just thought you had it.
Man on radio: We've got 30 minutes.
- Hey! - How was that?
- Fantastic. - That wasn't so bad, right?
That was the worst thing I've ever seen in my life.
- Stop it. - Eww! It's like you just kissed me.
- You'd like that, wouldn't you? - I've got to go into makeup. Can you stay?
- Class starts in an hour. - Good luck, college man.
- Call me later. - Eww! You just kissed me again.
- You're gonna get hit, Drama. - Go ahead.
Don't break your hand on my pythons.
- Eric: Yo! - Yo, E, where you been?
- You missed everything. - Sorry, rough night.
- Why? What happened? - (chuckles)
Where can I get some coffee?
You called Ashley "Sloan" and you weren't even mid-fuck?
Oh, that's the worst. That's why I always stick with "Yeah, baby!"
Whose name would you accidentally call out? Vince's?
- So how'd you cover? - I told her she was hearing things.
- Jesus. - I bet she took that well.
- Yeah, she left. - Who wouldn't?
- Why didn't you chase after her? - 'Cause he loves Sloan.
- Ah. - Why else would a sober man
who isn't about to come do something so stupid?
I was distracted thinking about the job.
I wasn't expecting an offer to come so fast or how Vince would feel about it.
Hey, don't blame me. I feel fine.
I think you knew you wanted the job.
You just didn't want to be Sloan's bitch.
He's already Vince's bitch. It suits him.
I appreciate that, Turtle... from one bitch to another.
I am no longer a bitch.
After today, I am a college man...
if I could focus.
Relax, Turtle. Your girl is in good hands.
Just send her back as untainted as possible. I've gotta go.
Yo, E, do you want to hang before your meeting with Murray
- or should I go with Turtle? - Nah, I think I'm gonna go talk to Ashley.
- You mean Sloan. - Funny.
- So what are you going to say to her? - I don't know yet.
- Let me give you some advice. - Oh, please do, Drama.
I know you like to think of yourself as Honest Abe and all,
but in this situation, lie like a mattress.
What are you doing, buddy?
I'm waking you up with my mind.
Good work.
- What time is it? - It's late.
Sh-shoot.
Daddy, you almost said shit.
Baby.
Baby, please.
I'm sorry.
What do I got to do for you to forgive me?
- Not get me a car. - It's nice though, isn't it?
- It's insulting. - Baby, I ache.
I haven't been able to look left in days.
I can't work. I can't sleep.
- It's cold down there. - Aw, what a shame.
I'm sorry. I shouldn't have lied to you.
Listen, from here on I swear
if one of my friends so much as jerks off
you're gonna be the first to know.
- I appreciate that. - So you forgive me?
- I'm thinking about it. - When I was in college
I got drunk and passed out.
Mike Young teabagged me and took a picture of it.
I've never told anyone.
Where's the picture?
I've offered millions for it and been turned down.
- I forgive you. - So I can get back in bed?
I just made that bed.
I'll remake it. Come here and punish me.
- It is a very nice car. - (chuckles)
- Both: Oh. - What are you guys doing?
Um, Daddy lost his contact lens.
- We're looking for it. I think it's over here. - Mm-hmm. Yeah.
You guys are gross.
(distant siren blaring)
(knocks)
- Hey. - Hey.
- Can I come in for a second? - I was actually just about to run out.
- I just need one second. - Okay.
I wish you would've called.
I've got just, like, a million things to do.
- Well, I just wanted to apologize. - For what?
- Well, I'm sorry I called you Sloan. - Oh, you did call me Sloan?
- I thought I was hearing things. - Well, you weren't, so...
'Cause that's what you told me last night... that I was hearing things.
I know what I told you.
It was embarrassing enough that you said it,
but you made it worse when you tried to convince me that you didn't.
Well, I'm sorry.
- Why were you thinking about her? - I don't know.
Probably because she called the day before.
- Why did she call? What did she want? - I have no idea.
You were right there. You heard the whole thing.
I heard your side.
I really hate that I'm being put in a position
- to be a jealous freak. - You're not.
- But I just want to know. - What do you want to know?
Have you been with her since you've been with me?
- Have I been with her? - Have you slept with her, Eric? Come on.
What?! Ashley, no. No, I swear to God.
Look, she called. Before that, I hadn't seen her since the premiere.
Okay.
Yeah?
Yeah, okay.
I like you, Eric.
- I like you a lot. - Well, I like you too.
- But just don't lie to me. - I won't.
I'm sorry.
You're really cute when you're sorry.
Well, then I'm really really sorry.
(giggles) You have a meeting.
I have an hour.
Well, in that case...
But you so much as mutter anything resembling that bitch's name
- and I will hurt you. - Oh, not a problem.
(yelling) And cut! That was great!
- That was great. - Huh! Whoo!
- How was that one? - That was good.
- Better? - Yeah, definitely.
You can tell me. I can handle a little criticism.
Your tongue's kind of strong.
- Really? - It's no big deal.
It's just my teeth are a little sore.
I'll relax on this one.
- Tim: I think we got it. - Jamie: Yeah?
I love the passion on that take.
Jamie didn't feel great about that one.
- No? Let's do another one. - No no no, I'm great.
If you think we've got it, Tim, let's move on.
- It was great for me. Great, let's move on. - Great.
- Timmy! - Hey, Dan.
- How are you? - You see that take?
Oh, yeah yeah, it looked good.
As good as one can look kissing Johnny Chase.
- (laughs) Mr. Coakley. - How are you, Johnny?
What brings you down here to our little operation?
I heard Miss Sigler had graced us with her talent.
I wanted to come down and say hello.
- Hello. - Hi, I'm Dan Coakley.
- I'm a big fan. - And the boss.
- Oh. Hi, nice to meet you. - And you as well.
I was surprised we were able to get you to do this.
- Well, Johnny's a friend. - Terrific.
Well, I love what I saw
and I've got a couple of things I'd love to talk with you about,
- if that's okay. - Um, yeah, sure.
Timmy, how close are you to breaking?
- As soon as we light the shot. - Okay.
- Can I take you to lunch? - Yeah.
Jamie, I thought maybe you and I would have lunch.
You guys are friends. You can lunch anytime.
Jamie and I have to talk about our future together.
Sounds serious. Do I need my agent or my lawyer?
- Or your bodyguard. - (both laugh)
If you like anything I have, we can call your people after.
Okay. Johnny, are you okay?
- Yeah. Yeah. - Okay.
Let me just get cleaned up. I'll meet you back here.
Okay, great.
So, Dan, you still seeing that chick from "Lost"?
I got rid of her before the island did, John.
I was hitting that cutie on "Brothers & Sisters."
Not Sally Field?
No, John, not Sally Field.
Maybe we could have office phone sex, baby.
Haven't done that since the early '90s.
You have glass doors.
Yeah, it'll be Lloyd's year-end bonus.
He'd rather that than cash. Trust me.
(laughs) You're disgusting.
Too disgusting to spend a couple of nights in Cabo with?
God, Ari, this fight has made you very romantic.
I love you so much right now
I may even let you play golf with me.
Maybe we should fight more often.
No more fights. Smooth sailing from here on out.
Marlo: Where's the whore who is fucking my husband?!
Huh?! Where are you, whore?! What about you?!
- Are you fucking my husband?! - Baby, I'll call you back.
Where is she?! What's her name?!
- Mr. Gold, I think we have a problem. - No shit, Lloyd.
What about you?
Are you the whore who's fucking my husband?
Who's your husband?
- Marlo. - Where is she, Ari?
- Come on. - Where is the nasty slut
who is fucking my worthless piece of shit husband?
Ari: Come on, let's go talk in my office.
- Please. Come on. - Come on out, you skank!
- Come here. Come here. - Where is she?
- Sit down. - I want to look her in the eye
and I want to ask her
what she wants with my husband.
- Okay, just take a breath. - Why? Are you protecting her?
- No. - Oh my God!
Are you fucking her too?
Is this some kind of sick threesome?
Because unlike your lying ass,
I will tell your wife!
Just keep my wife out of this. This is between you and Andrew.
Oh, you got involved when you advised him to follow his dick!
Now I want you to point me in the direction
and tell me where she is!
- I can't do that. - Well, I'll find her eventually.
I see about 12 candidates already.
This is some whorehouse you are running.
- Listen, Marlo... - 15 years in the Valley
and Andrew never worked with anyone under 50.
Listen, this is just a terrible misunderstanding.
All right, Marlo? Calm down.
(crying) You ruined my family, Ari.
I want my family back.
You didn't lose them. Go home to your children.
- Let me talk to Andrew. - You've done enough talking.
Let me try again. I've known him long enough
to know this is just a crisis of character.
He loves his family. He wants to be with you.
You have to calm down and work on forgiving him.
Oh, he fucks up and I have to work?
(phone ringing)
What are you looking at, bitch? Keep walking!
Where's Andrew?
I don't know. Lizzie's office?
Find them both now!
Use the mint soap so you don't smell like a girl for your interview.
It's not an interview. It's an offer.
Sorry, hotshot.
Your offer, which you still seem hesitant to take.
I just want to make sure he wants me for me.
- And not for Vince, you mean. - There's that.
What else is there?
I don't know.
Have some confidence, Eric.
You are very wonderful.
- Thank you. - (phone ringing)
Hey, do you have an extra toothbrush?
No, sorry.
Sloan: Hey, E, look, I'm so sorry about yesterday.
I didn't mean to be pushy. If you don't want the job, don't take it.
But I hope you think about it 'cause I think it could be really great for you.
Anyway, good to see you. Okay, bye.
Recording: End of message. To delete this message press 7.
Hey, could you throw me a towel?
(door slams)
Ashley?
(rap music playing)
Vince: Oh. Maybe I should go back to school.
It does look fun, right?
Hey.
- How's it going? - Sweet car.
- Thanks, man. - Hey, I know you.
I don't think you do.
Yeah, you're Jamie-Lynn Sigler's boyfriend.
- Saw you in "People." - Oh yeah, that's right. I saw that too.
I love it. You're a star, Turtle.
Holy shit. Vince. Man, what's up?
- Not much. - What are you doing here?
Just taking my son to school.
- That's so cool. - Sweet.
All right, I've got to head in. What are you gonna do?
Well, I've got an hour.
So I'll mingle.
All right.
(phone rings)
You miss me already, Johnny? I just left you.
Drama: I got a problem, bro. You got a minute?
Yeah sure, what's wrong?
- Is Turtle near you? - No, he just left for class.
My boss is trying to bang Jamie.
- What? - I tried to stop him, bro.
- But he wooed her. - Wooed her how?
He's a real smooth talker, this guy,
and real good looking. And he fucks actresses.
- What actresses? - All of them.
Not Jamie. She's not that kind of girl.
She jerked Turtle on a plane.
Johnny, calm down. Take a deep breath.
- Nothing's gonna happen. - Not under my watch it ain't.
Johnny.
Gotta go. Gotta go.
I've got 45 minutes till class.
- You wanna hang? - Yeah.
Lloyd: Mr. Gold, Miss Grant and Mr. Klein are here to see you.
55 minutes it took Lloyd to find you.
Humor me, tell me where you were.
Fucking in the bathroom, blowing him under his desk?
Ari, I don't wish to be spoken to like this.
And I don't wish to have to worry about where you are and what you're doing.
You don't have to.
That's right, I don't.
Because you're fired, both of you.
- What? Why? - Ari.
Did you not hear about his wife
providing us with this morning's entertainment?
- I was out working. - Working who?
John Stamos. And I signed him.
With a pen or his cock?
Ari, don't talk to me like that.
Whatever. It doesn't matter who you signed.
You both are unquestionably good at what you do.
But call me old fashioned,
this won't work for me. Not in my office.
There is no more of this. Tell him.
- Tell him. - There is no more.
- It's over. - She ended it.
I left my wife, I left my family,
- I gave up everything. - I didn't ask you to.
In fact, I told you not to.
I love her. I love you.
You barely know me. Grow up.
Ari, I heard your warning
and I have done everything since then to make this mistake disappear.
How can you call it a mistake?
I would like to go back to my desk now.
I'd like to go do my job.
Go.
You so much as eye-fuck another agent in this building,
I will deport you naked to the Taliban.
Oh, I thought we really had something.
You weak pathetic pussy.
I was never a weak man.
This transition, this... God!
- It's just broken me. - You're breaking me.
Ari, don't fire me, okay?
You know how well I'm doing.
(sarcastically) You look great.
Last night was rough. Marlo froze all my assets,
my credit cards. I couldn't get $5.
Lizzie wouldn't take me in. I slept in my car.
Thank God we live in L.A. It's 70°.
I don't... I don't know where I'm gonna go.
- Go home. - Come on, Marlo would never have me.
Actually, she would.
One in very few guys get that have-a-free-piece-of-pussy pass.
You, my friend, have it.
Marlo wants you back.
- Really? - Yeah.
I don't know. I don't know.
- I don't know if I could ever... - Andrew!
There was a time when Marlo made you smile.
Remember that time. Remind her of it.
And if that doesn't work you do what every other married man does,
think of someone else when you fuck her.
But get it together, for yourself, for your kids.
Most importantly, for me. Andrew, go home.
You have no other options.
Hey, Ashley. It's me... again.
Listen, I'm freaking out a little bit.
I just... I don't really under...
understand where you went.
Would you call me, please?
- (line clicks) - Eric, fuck off!
I think my girlfriend just told me to fuck off.
- Ouch, bro. - Yeah.
Hey, Eric, did you meet the incomparable Steve Nash?
- We were just getting acquainted. - How are you doing?
I'm courting Eric to be our newest manager.
- It's a great place. - Seems pretty impressive so far.
Hi. Your parking.
- Murray, always a pleasure. - Indeed.
- Eric, good luck with your girl. - Thanks, buddy.
- Let me show you around. - Steve Nash, huh?
We represent a lot of athletes.
- You like football? - You kidding? I love football.
Maybe I'll take you to the Super Bowl this year.
- How's that sound? - Sounds great.
(girl laughing)
Come on, you're an actor. Why so shy?
Put the camera away, please.
God, I'm creating art here. Are you not an artist?
I don't do nudity.
What if I get a friend over here and then she can tape for us?
- Uh, no. - (phone ringing)
- Two friends? I can do it. - Still no.
You know what? I've got to get this. I've got to get this.
Yo, Johnny. No.
- I lost her, bro. - What do you mean?
I was at the commissary watching them eat and they somehow slipped away.
She has to do the scene. I'm sure she'll be right back.
Yeah, well, I hope so. She's not in her trailer.
Hey, Jimmy, did you see Jamie?
I want to run lines before we shoot.
She's with Coakley. He just called to see if we could push her an hour.
- And you said yes? - Why wouldn't I?
- Because the guy's a predator. - Why would I care?
Jesus Christ. This is bad, bro. This is really bad.
- Uh, what? - (beeps)
Oh, Christ, it's Turtle.
Tell him I'll meet him at the car in 20 minutes.
- I'm not answering it. - You got to answer the phone, Johnny.
Hang on.
Yo, Turtle. All good, all good.
- Class good? - Yeah. You sound weird. Everything okay?
- No no, all good. - I just tried Jamie. She didn't pick up.
I was gonna grab Vince and roll back over.
No need to do that.
I'm gonna do it anyway, weirdo. See you in a bit.
Vince.
- (moaning) - Vince!
- Oh shit. Hello? - Don't stop.
- Johnny. - We're ready for you, Drama.
- I'm coming, I'm coming. - Johnny, what did Turtle say?
He said he needs an hour. Go find something to do.
- Uh, okay. - Later.
Later.
Maybe you should call one of those friends of yours.
You know, Eric, I really like you.
Sloan knows a good thing when she sees one.
- Yeah, well... - It's a pity you two aren't still together.
We're friends though. We both moved on.
How does the new girl feel about your friend putting you up for a job?
- She doesn't know. - Trust me, I've been married four times.
It's only a matter of time before she finds out. She won't be thrilled.
Well, the truth is I'm not really thrilled
about my ex-girlfriend putting me up for a job either.
Get over it 'cause all she did was tell me about you.
I've done my research and I like you.
That's how I work. So what else?
Murray, this place is amazing.
This is exactly what I've been looking for...
a place with people to bounce ideas off of,
resources, somewhere to feel like I really exist in this town.
- And your concern is? - That this is about Vince.
- You're very insecure. - Not usually.
Look, I want Vince. Who doesn't?
But my business was not built on talent
'cause talent comes and goes.
This place was built on the people who work in this office.
- So if Vince fired me? - You think he would?
Well, he has before.
The pitfalls of having one client.
It's not a great situation.
Which is exactly why you need to be here
where they'll be multiple Vinces.
And should one tell you to fuck off,
you'd have nothing more than a bad day.
I'm worth more than 90% of my clients, Eric.
Here's my offer.
Well, uh...
yeah, I mean, I make more than this now.
If Vince fired you, you'd make nothing.
Here you'd still make that. It's pretty good.
And you do good, it'll get better.
Do you want to be a part of something?
- Yeah, I do. - Good, start Monday.
- I'm gonna kill it for you, Murray. - I have no doubt.
Now go home and find out what you did to your girlfriend.
Thanks. I'll see you on Monday.
Standby!
You know Coakley banged my old girl, right?
- Shut up. - I'm serious. Rachel.
- Tim: Ready to try another take? - Yeah yeah yeah, let's do it.
- I don't remember any Rachel. - Yeah, this was years ago.
I was devastated over it. Didn't really recover till I got this show,
which was Dan's way of apologizing. He didn't make me...
Would you stop talking about this? This is an important episode for me.
Okay, let's roll cameras.
Yeah yeah, sure. I'm sorry.
Sound rolling, scene 23, take 6.
Okay, and background action.
Action!
Her uncle don't got nothing on me.
He's some loudmouthed, wide-bellied...
Line! What's that line again?
Jesus Christ. Let's cut.
Uh, Johnny, that's like six takes. What's the problem?
I'm just having a hard time focusing.
Want me to get you some Ritalin?
No no, I got it. Let's go again.
Yeah, let's do it right away. Right away, come on.
You really worried about what he's doing with Jamie?
Hell yeah, he's worried. And he should be.
Shut up, Brandon. You don't know anything.
Okay, let's roll camera.
- Okay. - I know it hurt when I lost my girl.
Probably would have hurt even more if I lost my best friend's girl.
Sound rolling, scene 23, take 7.
And action!
- I'll be right back! - Drama!
I need a ride to Studio 8.
No, man. I'm sorry, I have to wait here for Mr. Busfield.
- Talent first. - I'm sorry.
So am I.
Seriously? Come on.
Yo, Drama. Drama!
Hello, Mr. Chase. Can I help you?
- Where's Coakley? - In a meeting.
He doesn't want to be disturbed.
Me neither, but it's my lot in life.
What are you doing here, John?
Uh, where's Jamie?
Uh... (chuckles)
Would you give us a second, please?
What, do you have some kind of self-destructive career death wish?
I just want to know where she is.
She should be back on set. I finished with her 20 minutes ago.
Did you fuck her, Dan?
- What? - Did you fuck her?
Are you hitting that, John?
No, but my boy is. Which means you better not be.
Oh, careful, Johnny. You are not a good enough actor to threaten your boss.
Yeah well, I'm a good enough friend.
- Keep that in mind. - Relax.
I didn't fuck her.
But I'm going to. 'Cause all I can think about now
is how sweet it would be to ram Tony Soprano's daughter from behind...
Big mistake, John.
I can have you killed.
- Yeah? By who? - The writers.
Move out the way, dead man walking.
(knocks)
Ashley. I see you in there.
Would you just please open up and tell me what I did?
- (phone rings) - What do you want from me, Eric?
I just want to know why you're mad at me.
Because you're a liar and I hate liars.
I haven't even seen you since we left. How could I have lied?
- It doesn't matter. - Please, I'm sure I can explain.
Yeah, I'm sure you can too,
and I'd rather not set myself up to look like an idiot again.
- Ashley, come on. - Fine, tell me again
- what's going on with you and Sloan. - What? Nothing.
Tell me when was the last time you saw her.
Where is this coming from?
She called you. Said she saw you yesterday.
You fucking lied to me and I fucked you after you did.
I didn't lie to you. You asked me if I'd been with her and I haven't.
Yes, I saw her yesterday by chance.
She put me up for this job which is why I'm considering not taking it.
But I haven't been with her. I swear on my mother.
Yeah, I knew you'd have an explanation.
- You're smooth like that. - Smooth? I'm not smooth.
Ashley, nobody's ever called me smooth. Please.
Eric, just forget whatever this situation may
or may not be and admit you still have feelings for her.
- Come on. - Don't be like every otherjerk in this town.
Here's your one chance to clear it all with me
and let me think of you in a good light.
Ashley, look, I like you a lot.
Do you still have feelings for her?
Just answer me truthfully, please.
Yeah, I guess I do. I'm sorry.
Me too.
Goodbye, Eric.
(rock music playing)