(theme music playing)
(phone rings)
Eric Murphy's office.
Hey, could you hold on one second?
Eric: I'd love to sit down with you,
- tell you what I'm doing over here. - I've got Sloan McQuewick.
Maybe we could find some business to do together.
- Man: Sure. - Want to call back?
- That'd be great. - You got it.
- All right, take care. - Bye.
- Yeah, put her through. - You never called her back.
I know.
- (exhales) - (phone rings)
- Hey. - Are you seriously not calling me back?
And don't tell me you've been too busy with work
because I left you a message before you even started the job.
What, you didn't get it?
Oh, I got your message. And so did my sort-of girlfriend.
Oh, sorry.
Sorry that I sort of have a girlfriend or sorry that she got the message?
I didn't know you sort of had a girlfriend.
I don't anymore, so I guess you didn't need to know that in the first place.
Look, Eric, I'm sorry. I just...
No, I know. It's not your fault.
I was gonna call you back too. Things just... they've been crazy.
- Why, what happened? - We think Vince has a stalker.
God, really? What are you gonna do?
Ari's got us meeting with some security experts.
- Ari on your cell. - Well, that's good.
Uh, yeah, I have to go meet Vince now.
So I've kinda gotta take off.
Okay. Um...
I'll let you go then.
- Okay. - Okay.
Eric, I was calling you
because I wanted to make sure you weren't mad at me.
- Sloan, I'm not mad at you. - Okay, good.
- We'll talk soon. - Okay, I'll talk to you later.
- Bye. - Bye.
- Yo. - Keep me on hold longer.
Sorry, I actually have to work nowadays.
I'm glad you finally admit the last five years of your life
- were all a fantasy provided by me. - What's up?
- Aren't I seeing you in a few minutes? - I'm not going to make it.
I just wanted to assure you, as I did Vince,
Aaron Cohn knows what's what. Trust him,
listen to him, this is serious business.
- No, I understand. - Call me right after.
- I will. - I gotta... go.
What the hell's going on? Huh? What the...
Don't worry, Mr. Gold, he's not dead.
- I felt for a pulse. - Everyone get out of here!
Or I'm going to be checking all of you for a pulse
and not finding one!
How long has he been like this?
He hasn't moved in the 20 minutes I've been here.
Jesus Christ. Barbara here?
It's before noon, Ari. She's not here yet.
I mean "Mr. Gold." It's before noon!
- Vanish! - Yes, sir.
Wake up!
(snorts) What time is it?
It's time for you to wake up and tell me why you think this is a Holiday Inn.
God.
I didn't sleep last night at all. I'm in a daze.
I'm sorry I'm in your office, but my couch sucks.
- Are you on drugs? - Drugs?!
- Coke, dust, smack... - Ari, no!
No, I took a sleeping pill.
- Or maybe two. - Why didn't you take it at home?
I don't have a home anymore, officially.
- Why, what did you do now? - It wasn't me, it was my wife.
- I spoke to her. She forgave you. - No!
She can't forgive me... she won't. She told me I can't live there.
- You can't live here! - This all happened late last night.
I was gonna go to your house, but I thought this would be better.
- A hotel would have been better! - I don't have any money.
I told you, she controls all of it.
She turned off all of my credit. I had my company cards,
but I thought I didn't want to use it for personal expenses.
- Good thinking. - And I set my Berry alarm for 5:30.
I didn't expect to sleep...
How are you going to handle Sorkin today?
The same way that I have been handling him.
I'm fine, Ari. Aaron Sorkin will be
signed, sealed and delivered
to this agency today,
if I have to finance every future project of his myself.
- With what money? - I'm prepared for this.
- I just need to wake up. - And change.
Yes! And change.
(groans)
(pop music playing)
Who just walked through my lobby in a robe and pajamas?
- Andrew Klein. - Where the fuck is Ari?
Is this guy Mossad or what?
Aren't all Israelis?
I'll bet he's observing us right now.
He's gonna come in and grade us on our vigilance.
What do you think Turtle's face in a bong'll earn us?
An "A" for calmness under pressure.
I'm not gonna have to walk around with a giant dude from now on, am I?
Ari says we gotta listen to this guy, so whatever it takes.
E's all about following orders nowadays.
- Hardy-har-har. - Well, it worked for him.
He listened to his long-lost love
and now he's got a sweet house and a swanky job.
- Yeah, but he lost Ashley. - Oooh, I miss Ashley.
- She was spunky. - He should call her.
- Ashley or Sloan? - Either.
You guys don't think it's weird that you have conversations
- about me right in front of me? - I don't.
Sloan called today. I was actually kind of rude.
- Oh yeah? Why? - I don't know.
- (doorbell rings) - I got it.
- Hey. - I'm Aaron Cohn.
Eric Murphy. Come on in.
Hey, Vince, how are you doing?
I'm great considering I'm surrounded by people
who are making me more and more paranoid each day.
Nobody should make you paranoid.
- Now who are they? - I'm Turtle.
- I'm safe. - I'll be the judge of that.
- Hi. Aaron. - I'm aware,
as I'm sure you're aware I'm Johnny Chase.
So you use no alarm system at all?
Just our trusty attack dog.
Well, we'd better reinforce the windows.
- With what? - Steel frame around the edges,
bulletproof glass.
I don't want anything coming through these.
- Nothing gets in, nothing gets out. - What if there's a fire?
Get a hose. Vince, here's what we're gonna do.
We're gonna turn this house into Fort Knox...
armored windows, hi-res cameras and around-the-clock
VIP protection from the finest trained predators on God's planet.
- Is all this really necessary? - Is it really necessary
to waste my time with stupid questions?
That's not nice. Is that nice?
I'm talking a real multilayered security system.
We have a specific threat. We have an individual who's already crossed the line.
You'll have three to five men stationed here in the house
and two will follow you wherever you go.
- How much is this gonna cost? - I take a $100,000 retainer
and then I'll put together the budget for getting your full system put in place.
- Jesus. - Wow.
There's 600 grand sitting in your driveway.
Tell me what's worth more... your cars or your head?
- I'm not gonna fire him! - Then I will.
On what grounds? That he wore his pajamas to work?
On the grounds that he is a distraction and a mess.
He's having some domestic disturbances. Christ, how many have you had?
- Show some sympathy. - I have zero for him,
- and zero for you. - I don't need any.
Oh yes, you do.
Because your failed experiment from the Valley is a complete bust.
Everybody knows it and look at you!
You're still hanging on for dear life!
Listen, has the collagen seeped into your brainstem, Babs?
He is not a bust. He is killing it for us.
He is just about to sign Aaron Sorkin.
I've been hearing that for two months now.
- Well, today is the day he's coming in. - Bullshit.
He's on the books. Go check.
He's making us a laughingstock, Ari!
People all over town are hearing all about these little instances.
Go tell them today is Pajama Wednesday; we're industry leaders.
If he doesn't sign Aaron Sorkin today,
you're firing him... or I am.
Lloyd!
- Yes, sir, Mr. Gold. - Get Andrew Klein in here right now.
Cohn: Go!
(yells)
Whoa.
(grunts)
Let's run it again. I need to shave five seconds.
- (groaning) - (Turtle laughing)
How was that? Did I seem like I was in real jeopardy?
I thought you were a little over the top.
Maybe you should play Vince next time.
Drama, you're flesh and blood... it makes it more realistic.
- Well, not really. - Reset! Drama.
- I think I'm gonna sit this one out. - (coughs) Pussy.
I need a visiting girlfriend this time.
- Turtle. - (laughs)
- Oh, come on, Vin! - I'd really hate to be unprepared.
(smacks) Let's go, bitch.
- Yo, Turtle, let me get that camera. - Yo, E, no.
I've got the room wired. You can watch it downstairs on the monitors.
- Come on, let's go. - Eric: Enjoy!
- Turtle? - Yeah, Drama?
Tell me a story.
(laughing) I know I should be worried,
but this is not a bad way to start out a day.
- No. - How's your day?
- It's okay. - Just okay?
- Come on, are you all right? - Yeah, totally.
- Sloan in your head? - No!
- E, you're very easy to read. - Go!
You're right... Sloan's in my head, so is Ashley.
- It's not a bad head. - (chuckles)
- Oh, shit. - Jesus.
I don't know, I was kind of rude to Sloan this morning.
So call her back. She's been calling you for days.
She obviously wants to talk.
- Yeah. - (Drama yells)
- (laughing) - Yeah, you're right.
I'm gonna call her.
Hello?
- Hey. - Eric?
- Yeah. - Hey.
- What's up?
- Just calling to say hi. - Oh. Hi.
I'm sorry if I was a little rude earlier.
No... no.
- I shouldn't have been. - Well, probably not.
- Why were you? - I don't know.
And I never said thank you for helping me get the job.
I'm loving the place so far, so thank you.
- You're welcome. - Thanks.
Um, do you want to grab a drink later and you can tell me all about the new job?
- A drink? - Yeah, a friendly drink.
I thought you didn't want to be friends anymore?
Eric, that was weeks ago. We can have a drink.
- Are you seeing anyone? - I said a friendly drink.
I heard you. I was just curious if you were seeing anyone.
- I told you I was seeing someone. - I am seeing someone.
- So you have a boyfriend. - We haven't put a label on it.
- Who is he? - Look, let's just meet for a drink
and we can catch up on everything, okay?
- Yeah, sure. - How's 7:00
at the Bazaar at the S.L.S. Hotel?
- Sounds good. - Okay, perfect.
I'll see you then. Bye.
Why the hell is Andrew Klein still not in my office?
- His office is trying to locate him. - What the hell does that mean?
He's got Sorkin!
- Andrew Klein's office. - (phone clatters)
- Where the hell is he? - Ari, Ari! He's gone missing.
He's got Sorkin in 13 minutes.
I know, we were supposed to have a premeeting.
- Did you call him? - Of course. There's no answer.
- Did you call his house? - No, Ari, I didn't call his house!
Don't get snide with me. You're the reason why you can't try his house
and you're the reason no one seems to know where he is. But I do know
that we've got Aaron Sorkin coming in and he'd better be signed today
- for your sake. - Got it.
- Lloyd! - Yes, sir, Mr. Gold.
Call Andrew Klein from my cell so my number comes up.
Unless he's dead, he'll pick up.
Everything okay, Ari?
Why wouldn't it be?
Come on, Marlo! Just open the damned door.
- Go fuck yourself! - (cell ringing)
Who's that? Your little whore calling?
- No, it's Ari. - Tell him to go fuck himself too.
- Hey, Ari. - Where are you?
- I'm at my house. - Why, when you have
a meeting with Aaron Sorkin in 10 minutes?
I'm trying to get my notes for the meeting but Marlo won't give them to me!
You should have tattooed them on your little whore's ass!
- You let me in, Marlo! - Fuck you.
- Whatever's in this house is now mine. - Andrew!
- Come back to the office. - Not without my notes, Ari.
I can't do this meeting without them.
That's because you are a loser.
You're not smart, you're not funny
and you can't fuck for shit.
Do you hear this, Ari? She's unreasonable.
Andrew, hear this, focus on it:
This is the most important meeting of your entire life.
I have stuck my neck out for you over and over and over,
but if this does not go well,
you are done here.
- What, you're gonna fire me?! - Barbara is.
That's great. That's just great. You hear that, Marlo?
- Ari's gonna fire me. - And why should I care?
Because even if we don't get back together,
- you need me to make money! - Get back together?!
I'd fuck Hamas before I would fuck you again.
And you need to make money, my friend,
because I'm gonna take all you have!
You open the goddamned door, Marlo!
Andrew, you need to get in your car
and drive back here right now.
Not without my notes, Ari. I have worked on them for a month.
It is the key to me signing Sorkin.
You don't need your notes. You need to walk over to your car,
get in and drive here right now.
If you do that, I promise you will be okay.
(sighs)
Okay, fine.
She is such a bitch, Ari.
She asked me to come back and I did.
- I know. - I did everything I could.
- You're gonna be okay. - She's a goddamned bitch.
You want your notes, motherfucker?
Here they are!
- Don't you dare burn my Sorkin notes. - Andr...
What do you think of that, you piece of shit?
She's burning my Sorkin notes.
(tires squealing)
What the fuck?
- Jesus! - Andrew!
Andrew? Andrew!
- Andrew! - Aaron Sorkin's here.
- Put him in the conference room. - Andrew's not here yet.
- I'll be in in five. - Sorkin hates your guts.
And I hate yours, but right now we're all gonna have to find a way to get along.
She has a boyfriend.
She said they don't have a label on it.
Let's just hope he puts a rubber on it.
- Turtle: Jesus! - Sorry, E.
You're right. The truth is
the thought of her with somebody else is making me sick.
E, you haven't been with her for two years.
- What did you think? - A: I try not to think about it,
and B: Since I took this job and this house for her...
Aha! He admits it.
I haven't been hiding it. - Since I did,
I didn't think she'd go and get a possible boyfriend.
You had a possible girlfriend.
I know, and I liked her and I'm not with her because of Sloan.
Sloan is all-powerful. She stops him from getting pussy
- and she won't give him any. - I know... I should be pissed, right?
- I'd be. - I am!
- What does she want from me? - You'll have to ask her.
Vince, any chance this could be an ex you had a bad breakup with?
- Uh, I don't think so. - We just found all these photos.
If it's not a random psycho, it could be someone you know.
- That's not her. - She's with him.
- Really? - No, not really.
I obviously left them here when I moved out.
- She have an axe to grind? - No, but he does.
Heh!
There he is.
Oh, come on. Where's Andrew Klein?
- He's feeling a little under the weather. - So he sent you?
- Yes! - But I hate you.
Aaron, come on. It's been years.
I'm not over it. Is Andrew coming or not?
I am confident that we can do everything for you here. Everything...
- better than anyone else in town. - Hello, Aaron.
- This is a waste of my time. - How are you?
Great, but I think you know I'm not a big fan of yours either, Barbara.
- (laughs) - I think you'll find that
whatever unhappiness you had in the past we can change
- and now make you happy. - Look, I like Andrew Klein.
I've been talking to him for a couple of months.
He said he had the keys to my kingdom.
He was going to bring me ideas. I was going to hear them.
I'm confident I can relay those ideas to you right now.
- Mr. Gold! - I'm in the middle of a meeting.
- Are you kidding me? - Sorkin: The meeting's over.
- I'm just flirting with her. - This is an emergency.
- Andrew Klein is on the phone. - Oh good, where is he?
Uh...
You can speak.
He's in jail.
- (phone rings) - Thanks, man, I appreciate that.
Hello?
- Hello! - It's Ashley.
Hey-yy! How are you?
- I'm okay, I'm fine. - Are you sure?
No.
Uh, I mean,
I'm sorry.
Why? Look, I was the asshole.
Yes, you were,
but I asked for it.
I wanted you to tell me the truth and you did.
- I should respect that. - Well, I appreciate it.
And... I miss you.
Hello? Is that weird to say?
Uh, no, not at all.
I'm just a little surprised, that's all.
I'm a freak, I know, but...
I've been thinking and I can understand why you're not over your ex.
- But if you tell me you're not together... - We're not together.
We haven't been together for a long time.
I was just scared that I was some naive chick getting used.
No, you weren't being used. I liked you.
- Still? - Yeah, of course I still do.
Good. Come over.
- Uh, right now? - Yeah, I want to see you.
- Uhhhh... - It's okay if you can't.
- I understand. - Can I call you back in a bit?
- Yeah, sure. - Okay, thanks.
- Hey! - Hello.
Is everything okay?
- Yeah yeah. - All right, buddy.
Let's go get that drink.
You know what, Sloan?
I don't feel like drinking.
What do you feel like doing?
- I think I should go. - Where?
Hey, buddy, will you hold that car up, please?
You know, this was a bad idea.
I gotta go. I'm sorry.
E, what the fuck?!
Well, what's the point to this?
- The point to what? - This!
First you want to be friends, then you don't want to be friends,
now you want friendly cocktails. You don't know what you want
and I don't want to fuck it up with a girl that I kinda like.
- I'm sorry about that, man. Sorry. - E!
E! I am doing the best I can.
I do miss you, but I just need time.
You've had plenty of time, all right? And in that time, I've found someone else.
I don't want to mess it up while you're trying to figure out what you want.
Is it that girl? The young one from the premiere?
- She's 24. - Yeah.
So that's it?
Yeah, I guess it is.
(rap music playing)
Aaron, you didn't really need to come down here.
I tell you, Andrew, I was so eager to hear your ideas,
I would have gone anywhere.
Go ahead, Andrew, give them to him.
Give them to him.
Uh... (sniffs)
Look, Aaron, you write,
you produce, um, in TV and in film.
But I...
I think it's time to...
to conquer that last frontier...
directing.
I don't want to direct. I'm a writer.
I like writing. I could have directed years ago if I wanted to...
He... he... he has more actually. You have more,
right, Andrew?
Uh...
act as if you have faith
and faith shall be given to you.
- Jesus, that's pathetic. - No, he's quoting me.
It's "The West Wing," the assassination episode.
I had a lot more of your quotes written down
and I had a lot of amazing ideas, brilliant ideas,
but I couldn't get into my house.
My wife wouldn't let me get them. I blew that chance.
I blew my marriage, and if I blow this with you,
I've blown my career too.
I'm sorry, Aaron.
I drove into my own house for you, Aaron,
my own...
under-insured overpriced Beverly Hills motherfucking home.
I took my car and I put it in gear
and I drove right into my own goddamn living room.
For you. Who else would do that?
(sobbing)
- I'm sorry. - I had a rough divorce too.
I get it.
We'll give it a shot.
- Really? - Yeah, but if he ever calls me, I'm gone.
(door buzzes)
(cell phone ringing)
- Oh, don't you dare. - What? I have to get it.
- Why? - Because it could be Vince.
Vince is a big boy. Come on, I need my Eric fix.
Listen, Vince has a stalker and something might have happened.
- Seriously? - Yes.
Yo, everything cool?
Mmm, yeah, totally.
You still with Sloan? We're going a little stir-crazy.
We're gonna take Big Yoni out for some fun.
- I'm at Ashley's. - Ashley's... how?
She's great. We're great.
Uh-huh, okay, have fun.
I will. You are gonna get me in trouble.
- Where was he? - Ashley's.
- At Sloan's. - Ashley's.
- Interesting. - Vince, you know
a Curtis Tucker?
- Nope. - Well, he knows you.
- Found this in the couch. - What does that mean?
It means that we may have found our stalker.
(pop music playing)