(THEME MUSlC PLAYlNG)
VlNCE: What's your best memory of our relationship?
-Um, what's this movie rated? -Cute.
No, but we did have lots of nonsexual fun too, didn't we?
Tons. l... l guess that's why l agreed to do this.
ERlC: ls he really going to show this movie to Sophia?
DRAMA: l have to admit, even l find it to be a little creepy.
TURTLE: lt's classier than it seems.
And l'm like the Francis Ford Coppola of iMovie.
-Check it out. -(MUSlC PLAYlNG)
You're my kind of lover
My kind of lover...
He was so sweet and thoughtful.
l've never been treated better in my life.
VlNCE: You guys remember Amber. ALL: Hey.
How are you doing, Amber?
-l'm off to an ultrasound. -DRAMA: Ah.
ERlC: Congratulations. TURTLE: Good luck.
-Oh, thank you. -Bye. (KlSSES)
-And thank you. -You're welcome.
-Anything for you. -And we will see you soon!
-Bye, guys. -BOYS: Bye.
TURTLE: She's really sweet.
Hey, bro, didn't l used to bang her sister?
Yeah. Actually, she said she asked about you.
Well, of course.
Probably wants to find out if you were the one that gave her the herps.
Well, at least l get laid often enough to be a suspect.
-lnteresting logic. All right, l gotta roll. -l gotta roll too, actually.
-Where are you going? -Fighting the fight.
Meeting the DeLucas to see if we're moving forward.
This is either the end of Don Peppe's or the true beginning.
You sure l can't help?
l'm fighting this fight alone, Vin, but thank you.
-Okay, good luck. -See you guys later.
-Later. -See you.
-You hear from Phil about the miners movie? -lt ain't happening, bro.
He said he loved the script.
Yeah, but because of my strike he hates me.
-He said that? -Well, he hasn't said anything.
l sent the guy a six-dozen DeLuscious Cookie apology
and haven't even gotten a response.
Look, to be honest with you, Vince,
these last few weeks have been so traumatic,
l just want to enjoy what l do have.
-All right, don't give up on me, big bro. -l'm not giving up.
-You want to be in front of the camera? -Yeah, of course l do.
Okay, then we're making that movie.
-You're the only one that cares. -And care l do.
l'll tell you what, you drop off my movie to Sophia
and l'm gonna call Ari.
And this time l won't take no for an answer.
l'll read it today, l promise.
-You haven't even read it? -Listen, Vinnie,
l am sorry l let my personal life trump business.
But since there's nothing left to do on that front, l will focus.
This isn't business. This is personal for Johnny and for me.
And l've always thought that we were kind of like family,
so this should be personal for you too.
l hear you. l will read it immediately.
And then you'll call me back?
Yes, l will, Vinnie. l'll talk to you soon.
-Bye. -Bye.
Would this be the script you're referring to?
What, are you going through my stuff now?
l see a script, l read it. Occupational hazard.
-What else did you go through? -l saw your divorce papers.
-Now that's a good read. -Well, l just glanced.
-Do you have a plan? -(SlGHS) Bank loan.
Gotta pay the missus back what she loaned me, plus half my worth.
Oh, you can spare it.
She can spare it.
The only reason l didn't knock out that fire crotch Flay for being in my house
is l can't afford a lawsuit.
Ari, you're separated.
-She can do what and whom she wants. -Yeah, but it's my fuckin' house.
-Can we change the subject? -Sure.
Why don't you tell me what that script is like so l don't have to read it?
Well, l only read the first 1 5 pages.
-lt's for Vince? -lt's for Drama, TV movie.
(CHUCKLES)
Well, that explains why l was almost crying already.
-That bad? -lt's that emotionally manipulative.
-l'll read it. -You know what? Send me a copy,
l'll get it over to my old assistant.
She's running the Hallmark Channel now.
This is not what a power couple should be focusing on.
(LAUGHS) Well, it's better than focusing on your wife.
-What wife? -You're a quick learner.
See? You've been beating me...
l mean teaching me well for 20 years.
That's cute, Ari, very cute.
Hey, what are you doing?
-Working. What are you doing? -Nothing.
-Can we talk for a second? -About?
-About Galecki. -No.
No. Okay well, he just booked a big movie.
l don't care.
lt's based on a huge, huge trilogy.
-Could be the next Harry Potter. -l don't care.
Could be worth, l don't know, millions of dollars to us.
Scott, l don't fucking care.
Well, l fucking do care, okay?
l am here in this place to make money.
No, you're here because l threw away my marriage to start a company with you.
lncorrect, okay? You threw away your marriage
when you refused to sign a prenup, okay?
Let me ask you a question. You really think that Sloan fucking Galecki is okay?
l think you are sleeping with her ex-mother.
But l didn't throw it in her face.
So you admit it? You're admitting it.
That's our client, fucking idiot.
You know, Scott, this is why l knew not to partner up with you,
because you are a self-centered jerkoff.
And this is why, Eric, and l mean this
in the nicest possible way, you are a little bitch.
Get over Sloan. She's obviously over you.
l'm not even talking about her, all right?
And l'm not even talking about Galecki at this point.
l'm talking about us. All right, l'm leaving.
-Fire him or l'm not coming back. -Oh really?
Well, then what the fuck would l do?
You know what? You joke, Scott, but what would you do, really?
l don't understand. Where did you guys find this place?
People magazine said that the Octomom used to eat here
every time she came to town, so l wanted to see it.
Who knew it'd be closed down, right?
But l already found the perfect place, which l budgeted out.
-You don't want to see it? -(GASPS)
JOHN: Oh.
This is the place, Turtle. Look at this.
l'd still like you to see the place l found.
-John. -(LAUGHS) You've gotta be kidding me.
Turtle, can we be honest with you?
-Please. -Be honest with him, Gina.
Hey, Turtle, we came to LA for a free trip and to see some stars.
We really didn't think you'd have much to offer.
-But l proved you wrong. -Well yeah, you've impressed us a little.
But really impress us and make this happen.
-We like it here. -Guys, this place is huge.
lt's gotta be at least twice what l budgeted for.
So? Go back to your investors and get more.
Will you guys put anything in?
-Our blood, sweat and tears. -But no money?
Not a dime. And we split all profits 50-50.
-Well, that's... -So do we like?
-We love. -What can you do on the price?
You haven't even asked what the price is yet.
l'm sure l need it reduced.
lt's a great value and a great spot.
No hard sell here, but Wolfgang Puck's people
looked at it yesterday.
l'm pretty sure they're gonna make an offer.
So if you don't want to have a bidding war...
We don't. We want it. What do we gotta do?
Sign the lease, give me 1 00k down payment.
Turtle, you got your checkbook?
Write her a check, Turtle.
Can you excuse us one second? Guys.
Okay, l need you to tell me
what's so perfect about this place.
John is sentimental, Turtle, and he believes in fate.
-And? -And when we woke up this morning
and we were driving here, we were talking about
what a great place this could be for our spot.
Just then we saw it.
And John looked up at the street name, Bellarosa.
-That's his mother's name. -That's my mother's name, Turtle.
She always loved Hollywood.
So this is the place, or there is no place.
(MUSlC PLAYlNG)
l live in a graveyard
l wanna go out, but it's too hot
Yeah, l'm just as see-through as Casper the ghost...
-Hi. -Oh, hi.
l need to drop something off for Sophia Lear.
-l can take it. -lt's all right.
l really need to speak to her.
-Thanks. -Let me see if she's in.
-What's your name? -Johnny Chase.
-Hello, Johnny. -DRAMA: Sophia.
-How you doing? -l'm okay.
-What are you doing here? -l brought you something from Vince.
Oh, it's not anthrax, is it?
No. Why would you say that?
l don't know. We seem to have our differences.
-lt's a gift. -For what?
Look, l don't know what you did to the guy,
but it's really, really important to him that you like him.
lt's amazing to me that you don't.
Oh no, l like him fine, Johnny. l just don't date celebrities.
Yeah? Well, who do you date?
Well, my last boyfriend was head of pediatric surgery at Johns Hopkins.
A surgeon? Eh, he probably didn't have the time to treat you right.
Look, l know that a woman of your stature
may have preconceived notions about a guy like Vince, but you should know,
especially after interviewing him, he's not just some actor.
He's smart. Maybe not John...
-What's his name? -Hopkins.
Hopkins kind of smart, but he's smart.
More importantly, he's a friend and a brother,
the best l know of both.
lt's very sweet of you to look out for him.
Well, that's all he does for me, so l owe him.
-Here you go. -Thank you.
LLOYD: Knock knock.
Oh no. Are you crying, Ari?
-No, l'm not crying. -You need a good dose of Dr. Marcus.
Do you like this script?
l loved it.
Why isn't it getting made?
Moonves says he'll only make it with Yagoda, however he wants.
What does Yagoda say?
He will not return my calls.
Jake, get Phil Yagoda on the phone.
Are you okay, Ari?
This character, Lloyd... (LAUGHS)
He loses his wife and his family,
travels halfway across the world to save these guys
so they can be with their loving families.
-You know what the saddest part is? -No.
l don't even have my dog.
This job, Vince, it's all l got.
ls your department ready?
That's why l'm here. They're waiting.
All right, let's do this.
l don't know most of you. Why would l?
l don't deal with TV.
l especially don't deal with made-for-TV movies.
This is different.
Vince Chase wants this for his brother Johnny.
Now we all know that Johnny Chase may have limited talent,
but like a child with special needs,
a real family member will stand by his side.
A real family member will buy that child's way
into Harvard if that's what it takes.
Vince Chase is standing by his brother
and l'm standing by both of them.
Now l want every available option on the table
for how to get this film made by the end of the day.
Whoever succeeds will forever be my family member.
Whoever doesn't will be cleaning tanning beds
in fuckin' Rancho Cucamonga.
l'm sorry, Ari. Dana Gordon's on the phone for you.
Looks like l just did yourjob for you.
You're all fired.
She said a script that solid
hasn't come across her desk in a long time.
l guess our boy Billy Walsh has found his groove again.
-l admit, it moved me. -Unfortunately,
she saw Zack Levi from Chuckwhen she read it,
-not Drama. -That's not gonna work, Dana.
The script is an easy sell,
Drama is not.
(SlGHS) You know what? l'll call you back.
Are we having dinner tonight?
Listen, you jam it down Hallmark's Hall of Fame and we can have breakfast too.
(LAUGHS) Goodbye, Ari.
-Any word from Yagoda? -No. They said he'd call back.
Call Vince and tell him l'll pick him up.
We'll go to Yagoda's together.
There's nothing shady going on over here, Tex.
Well, Turtle, when a guy tells you he needs 250 grand and you say okay,
and then he says, "Well, actually,
"now l need 500 grand," it sounds shady.
The restaurant's square footage doubled, but so will the profits.
How much more are you putting in?
l'm putting in every dime l have, Tex.
-l don't have any more. -Well, neither do l.
Come on, you got an eight-year
$1 80 million contract.
l've also got three kids in private school in Greenwich, Connecticut.
-Yeah, but... -You don't have three kids in private school
-in Greenwich, Connecticut, do you, Turtle? -No.
Well, you don't know how expensive it is then, do you?
-No. -Turtle, find another way.
And don't try to guilt me. lt doesn't work.
Okay.
l mean, am l talking about this too much?
No, l like Sloan bashing.
l just feel like everything she's ever said to me has been a lie.
-"l don't date actors"? -That's the biggest bullshit line of all time.
l used to say l don't fuck agents.
Then l married one and he fucked me.
-l'm so pissed. -Let it all out, E.
You're the only one l can talk to about this too.
Trust me, my friends are over hearing about it.
Hate for the McQuewicks is something l will never tire of.
Plus, your anger really got you going.
Really? What do you mean?
l mean this is the first really good sex we've had.
-Really? -l mean for me.
-l'm sure it's always been great for you. -Yeah.
Let's be honest. You don't really hate her.
-Are you kidding me? -(CELLPHONE RlNGlNG)
-No. l think you love her. -Not even a little bit.
-Hello? -Spotted. Your ex-fiancée
sipping drinks with a certain frizzy-headed actor.
What?
Sloan and Galecki are at the Farmers Market, E.
You've gotta be fucking kidding me.
You want me to go crack him in the head or something?
No, leave it alone. l'm over it.
-Okay. -Okay, thanks.
Later.
What happened?
Sloan and Galecki are at the Farmers Market.
But you're over it.
l'll fucking kill somebody.
Do you want to fuck one more time before you do?
-Sophia Lear? -You know her?
Of course l do. Great writer.
Did a piece on me a few years ago.
-l didn't know that. -Yeah. She's smart.
-That l know. -And sexy.
Yeah, but that's not it.
l've never had this feeling before.
-Maybe it's the rejection. -No, l don't think so.
Wow, l've never seen you so infatuated
by a girl before, except maybe Sasha.
And you were all drugged out.
l'm serious about this, Ari.
You ever have that feeling where you just know?
-lmmediately? -Yeah. Mmm-hmm.
Once, 20 years ago when l met my wife.
-l'm sorry, Ari. -Hey, listen. lt lasted 20 years.
And if you really do feel this way, then fight for it.
-Thanks, Ari. -Ari, he's in a meeting.
Listen, if he would have called me back,
we could've avoided me interrupting it.
l'm just with him.
Busy day, Phil?
Jesus Christ. Ari, what the fuck?
lt's okay, Robin.
(SlGHS)
Come on in.
l was going to call you back.
No, you weren't, which is nuts.
Look, l love the script, Vince.
-But you're mad at my brother. -No, no, it's... lt's not that.
Business is business, strikes are strikes.
-When it's over, there's no grudges held. -So what's the problem then?
Moonves wants a bigger name.
-Oh, come on. -Chris Noth, Christian Slater.
-Oh my God. -One of the good-looking guys
-that was on Lost. -lt's a fucking TV movie, Phil.
-l know, but... -No buts, Phil. You're pissed.
ARl: ls that it? You're holding a grudge, Phil?
Are those the cookies my brother sent you, all smashed up?
Okay, fine, l...
l am pissed and l am hurt
because l am the only person in this fucking town
-that has stood by your brother. -(BOX RUSTLES)
And instead of working with me, he just fucking walked.
And l still have to work with him
on Johnny's Bananas every day, every day.
So why the fuck would l want to work with him
on something else too every day?
-l am pissed. -You have to look at the bigger picture.
Johnny's going to kill this.
Walsh wrote an incredible script with his voice in mind
and he's gonna direct the hell out of it.
l have no doubts about the movie, Vince.
-l don't. -How do we get you over this, Phil?
l don't know if l can.
How about your charity? What are you working on now?
Still the German Shepherd thing?
Yeah, it's horrible what people do to that beautiful breed.
-$5,000 from me just to say yes to this. -$5,000, Ari?
Wow. That might feed 1 0 dogs for a week.
l'm going through a fuckin' divorce right now, Phil!
-l'll give you $1 00,000. -Really?
But we don't mention this again.
-What happened? -We're making a movie.
-Seriously? -Primetime, CBS.
Yes! Come over here.
Oh, l can't thank you enough, baby bro.
You too, Ari.
-All right. -(LAUGHlNG)
Ah!
-TURTLE: Come on, Amar'e. -Come on, Amar'e, what?
-You think cash grow on trees? -Your trees maybe.
l gotta think if l want to put the original 250 in with you, Turtle.
l'll telling you, Amar'e, you don't want to miss out on this.
l got everybody. l got Melo. l got Eli.
-l got Strahan... -Oh, you got Strahan, huh?
-Who got me for what? -l spoke to him today.
Hey, Turtle's on this a Don Peppe thing.
Oh, yeah.
-AMAR'E: Did he call you for more money? -Oh, yeah.
-What did you tell him? -l told him to go fuck himself.
-Amar'e, listen... -Hey, go fuck yourself, Turtle.
(SlGHS)
All right.
(CELLPHONE RlNGlNG)
-Hey, Alex. -Turtle, why are you guilting Tex?
-Listen, l wasn't... -And why can't you put any more money
into this sure thing anyway?
Because l don't have any more money.
What are you talking about?
l thought you were in that Avión tequila deal.
-Yeah, l made a few bucks. -A few bucks?
l heard it went public today.
-What? -Call Tex and apologize.
-We're trying to win a ring around here. -(BAT CRACKS)
(CROWD CHEERS)
Hey, anyone using this chair?
-You must be kidding. -What? ls it weird seeing me here?
l mean we used to eat here all the time.
-l picked this place, Eric. -ERlC: Really?
-Did you, Johnny? -Hi, Sloan.
Are you fucking serious?
Eric, what are you doing here?
-He's here to upset me. -We're here to have lunch.
-Oh, then we'll leave. -Oh, what a shame.
Melinda, what are you, like 60?
lsn't this a little beneath you?
No, this sort of drama keeps me feeling young.
-That and all the plastic surgery. -Not even a syringe.
Why don't you mind your own business, Galecki?
-You interrupted our lunch. -ERlC: Yeah well, it's a free country.
So if you wouldn't mind telling your boyfriend here to leave Melinda alone...
Your cougar may tell you what to do,
-but l don't boss my men around. -Yeah? That's funny.
You certainly had a lot of suggestions for me when we were dating.
Eric, would you like to take this around the corner?
l'll bang your smug face out right here.
Respected actors don't get in public brawls.
Oh, really? ls that why you're dating an actor, Sloan?
-Because he's "respected"? -This is so fucking stupid.
Stupid? Stupid how?
-You mean like Seth Green was stupid? -Oh my God, you're joking.
-What about Seth Green? -Sloan hit that too.
-Really? -No.
-Believe what you want. -Look, you started it.
l called you after the last time we hooked up.
You basically said you used me and you were moving on.
-l'm trying. -By fucking my clients at the Farmers Market?
-All right. -You're running around
with my ex-stepmother who's twice your age.
l needed some youth after your corpse of a father.
l never figured you for the revenge type, Eric.
And l never figured you for a slut.
Oh, you're fired. Go fuck yourself.
Well, so what did the bank say?
Well, the loan isn't a problem.
l just have to personally guarantee it.
-How does that make you feel? -Not good.
But business is good.
Yeah, business is good. lt's not great.
lt's just not where l wanted to be
at this stage in life, you know.
Sometimes l wonder if l have worked
all this time to end up with nothing.
(CELLPHONE RlNGlNG)
-lt's your wife. -Well, it could be my kids.
-l didn't say anything. -l'm just not going to get it.
Don't ignore your kids because of me.
-lt could be my wife. -Look, it could be your kids.
Well, l'm... You know, l'm going to call them back.
-Jesus. -What do you want me to do?
-Am l wasting my time here, Ari? -Dana...
Because l don't have time to waste.
You did this when we were 20.
l was emotional.
l'm 40 now and l'm logical.
l don't know where this is going.
l know that l get a great feeling when l'm with you.
But?
But l still love my wife.
Then go back to her.
-She doesn't want me. -l don't believe that.
She wants something you're not giving her.
-What? -l don't know.
You're smart. Figure it out.
Don't be mad at me.
l am sad, Ari.
But you're honest, so how can l be mad?
ANNOUNCER: We caught up ith billionaire Mavericks owner Mark Cuban
who just made another boatload of money
on his tequila company going public.
Hmm, wonder how a super-rich guy celebrates something like that.
(SPEAKlNG)
ANNOUNCER: Oh, just like the rest ofus.
(PHONE RlNGlNG)
Hello?
Oh, hi. This is Sophia Lear for Vince.
l think the cell phone number he gave me was wrong.
-Oh, hey. lt's Turtle. -Hello, Turtle.
-Did you get the movie? -Yes, l did.
-Did you like it? -l honestly didn't know what to make of it.
He is very persistent, your friend, though,
-isn't he? -Not usually.
To be honest, l've actually never seen him put any real effort in with a girl.
You made a real impression on him.
This is just so bizarre.
You don't even know bizarre.
This morning the guy was reading The Wall Street Journal
'cause he doesn't think he's smart enough for you.
(LAUGHS) Maybe he's not.
Sophia, l'm just going to say a couple of things to you.
First, Vince is the best guy l've ever known.
He takes care of so many people
and makes so much happen for them
and doesn't expect anything in return.
You know this guy paid off my mother's mortgage
when they were going to repossess her house and he never told us?
And this was years ago when he only had a few bucks.
That's very sweet.
Just give him a shot, Sophia. l swear it'll be worth it.
Most bizarre courtship of my life.
That's how we roll.
Tell him l leave town tomorrow,
and if he can meet me for a drink
at the chateau at 9:00, then...
l guarantee you he will be there.
Nice talking to you, Turtle.
You too, Sophia. Bye.
(DOOR OPENS)
(BOYS LAUGHlNG)
You want to shoot in Prague?
l don't care if we shoot in Culver City.
l'm so happy. Yo, Turtle!
-Yo. -Vince got me the movie.
Really? That's amazing.
-And Billy's directing. -Redemption for all.
-Wow, that's incredible. -lsn't it?
-l got some news for you too, Vin. -Do tell.
-You want the good or the bad first? -You know l always go good.
-Sophia called right before you walked in. -She did? What did she say?
-She wants to meet for a drink tonight. -Really?
-Ah. -l think she thought the movie was weird,
but l told her a few stories of my own that may have turned her.
-l really appreciate that. -Yeah, l talked to her today too, bro.
l didn't want to say anything in case it didn't pan out.
-You guys are too good to me. -Not always.
Okay, what's the bad news?
What, no luck getting money for Don Peppe's?
No. Struck out.
-VlNCE: Let me put in a little. -Vince, no.
You know, l feel like he's trying to cut me out.
The guy's got his hands on a potential gold mine and l can't get a piece.
Yeah. What, are we gonna have to pay for our own baked clams?
Very selfish.
Okay, what's wrong?
l really was trying to do this myself, you know?
-You've done so much for me, Vin. -What happened?
-Avión went public today. -lt did?
And if not for my selfish desire
to prove that l don't need you,
if we didn't sell our stock,
l would've made almost $4 million.
And what's worse, you would've made almost 1 5.
-Jesus. -Wow, that's unbelievable.
l'm sorry, Vin. l'm so stupid.
You're not stupid. You're smart for getting me into this tequila thing.
And l'm smart for not fucking listening to you.
-What? -l never sold.
-Wait, what do you mean? -l knew this thing was going to be huge
because you told me it was going to be
and because l called Mark Cuban who guaranteed it.
So l kept my shares and l even bought yours.
Don't fuck with me right now, Vin. Please?
Cuban told me l'd regret it forever if l didn't,
so l bought them for you.
l mean, you gotta give me back the initial,
but seems like a good trade,
$300,000 for almost $4 million.
-Turtle's a millionaire? -Yeah. And now that he doesn't need me,
maybe he'll let me invest in his restaurant.
l... l don't know what to say.
Say "thank you," you dumb fuck.
Thank you, Vin.
Thank you for the good words for Sophia.
l have a feeling a lot of good stuff is coming to all of us.
-Agreed. -Do me a favor,
call E, tell him l can't make dinner.
TURTLE: You got it, boss.
DRAMA: l love that guy.
Jesus Christ.
What the fuck are you doing, Eric?
-l wanted to talk to you. -l don't want to talk to you.
-l wanted to apologize. -Save it.
-And l didn't mean it. -Oh, you didn't?
-l know it was mean. -You are mean, Eric,
only l didn't realize it until recently.
-l'm not mean, Sloan. l just... -You just?
-l want to get back together. -That will never happen.
-Why? Because of Johnny Galecki? -Please just leave me alone.
Sloan, l was hurt, okay?
And l couldn't stand seeing you with some asshole.
l was never with him.
We went out once and l had lunch with him today
to tell him it couldn't work.
-Why couldn't it work? -lt doesn't matter.
-Because you're not over me. -lt doesn't matter.
Why can't you just admit that you still have feelings for me?
My family hates you, Eric. And l love them.
So even if l wasn't over you, l could never be with you,
so it doesn't matter.
So please just leave me alone.
Look, l just want you to know that
l'm sorry for everything l've ever done to you.
You've done more than you know.
What do you mean?
What does that mean, Sloan?
l'm pregnant, E.
And as much as you think l'm a slut,
l haven't been with anyone but you, so it's yours.
-Wow, Sloan, l mean... -l'm going to New York like l planned.
And l don't want or need anything from you, ever.
(MUSlC PLAYlNG)
Don't drink me, l'm like turpentine
Make you blind, burn you inside
lf l don't know me, then l don't know you
Can't figure out what l'm supposed to do
l ain't running away
From my mind this time
l ain't running away
From my mind this time
And there's a killer in me and a killer in you