1
00:00:01,469 --> 00:00:03,035
Oscar, do you mind
if I do my core training
2
00:00:03,037 --> 00:00:04,069
while you watch
your sports contest?
3
00:00:04,071 --> 00:00:05,471
As long as I don't see you.
4
00:00:07,708 --> 00:00:10,209
(rhythmic grunting)
5
00:00:14,348 --> 00:00:17,116
I can see your
reflection in the TV.
6
00:00:19,186 --> 00:00:21,120
Still.
7
00:00:22,289 --> 00:00:24,757
Still.
8
00:00:26,060 --> 00:00:28,727
Good.
9
00:00:28,729 --> 00:00:31,663
Oscar, your 4:30
got moved to 4:00.
10
00:00:31,665 --> 00:00:33,065
(sighs)
11
00:00:33,067 --> 00:00:35,167
I'm just gonna go
make some coffee.
12
00:00:35,169 --> 00:00:37,069
Whoa.
13
00:00:37,071 --> 00:00:38,370
Did you hear that?
14
00:00:38,372 --> 00:00:40,072
What, that sigh?
Don't worry.
15
00:00:40,074 --> 00:00:41,573
She'll still make the coffee.
16
00:00:41,575 --> 00:00:43,409
No, something is
definitely up with her.
17
00:00:43,411 --> 00:00:45,177
And notice how she left
her hair down today,
18
00:00:45,179 --> 00:00:47,212
as if she couldn't muster
the strength to put it up.
19
00:00:47,214 --> 00:00:49,114
And she ordered fries
with her lunch
20
00:00:49,116 --> 00:00:50,749
instead of her usual
mixed berry medley.
21
00:00:50,751 --> 00:00:52,184
Not even sweet potato fries.
22
00:00:52,186 --> 00:00:54,420
Regular,
oh-to-hell-with-it fries.
23
00:00:54,422 --> 00:00:57,189
Here's an idea.
Stop noticing everything!
24
00:00:57,191 --> 00:00:59,058
What do you think
could be bothering her?
25
00:00:59,060 --> 00:01:02,094
Could it be
a boyfriend problem?
I don't know.
26
00:01:02,096 --> 00:01:04,196
Maybe a health issue
with a parent.
No idea.
27
00:01:04,198 --> 00:01:05,297
Does she have any siblings?
28
00:01:05,299 --> 00:01:06,832
She did mention a sister once,
29
00:01:06,834 --> 00:01:09,301
but that could have just
been a sistah thing.
30
00:01:09,303 --> 00:01:11,236
You don't know
anything about her.
31
00:01:11,238 --> 00:01:13,205
Dani's worked for you
for three years.
32
00:01:13,207 --> 00:01:14,440
I'm her boss.
She's my assistant.
33
00:01:14,442 --> 00:01:16,241
I don't meddle
in her personal life.
34
00:01:16,243 --> 00:01:18,143
The woman is in crisis.
Go in there, talk to her
35
00:01:18,145 --> 00:01:19,144
and find out what's wrong.
36
00:01:19,146 --> 00:01:20,646
No. Mind your own business.
37
00:01:20,648 --> 00:01:23,082
Take your ball and go home.
38
00:01:23,084 --> 00:01:25,784
Oh. Well, perhaps
I will just stay here
39
00:01:25,786 --> 00:01:28,287
and watch the game with you.
40
00:01:28,289 --> 00:01:31,123
(rhythmic, reedy,
whistling exhalations)
41
00:01:31,125 --> 00:01:32,291
So,
42
00:01:32,293 --> 00:01:34,093
who are the good guys?
43
00:01:34,095 --> 00:01:36,495
Oh, my God.
44
00:01:38,165 --> 00:01:40,199
Hey.
45
00:01:40,201 --> 00:01:42,267
So... you know.
46
00:01:43,704 --> 00:01:45,504
How are you?
47
00:01:45,506 --> 00:01:47,873
What do you mean?
48
00:01:47,875 --> 00:01:49,374
I don't really know.
49
00:01:49,376 --> 00:01:51,677
What's going on?
Are you firing me?
50
00:01:51,679 --> 00:01:54,146
Because I will sue your ass
so fast...
No!
51
00:01:54,148 --> 00:01:56,148
No, no, I would never fire you.
52
00:01:56,150 --> 00:01:57,716
Felix and I just noticed
53
00:01:57,718 --> 00:01:59,651
that something might be
bothering you.
54
00:01:59,653 --> 00:02:03,288
Aw. Nope, I'm all good.
Okay, then.
55
00:02:03,290 --> 00:02:05,224
In fact, I just got invited
to my high school reunion,
56
00:02:05,226 --> 00:02:07,292
so I'm going to be flying back
to Cleveland in a few weeks.
57
00:02:07,294 --> 00:02:08,760
'Cause that's where you're from,
and I knew that.
58
00:02:08,762 --> 00:02:10,295
Mm-hmm.
59
00:02:10,297 --> 00:02:12,197
Gonna catch up
with some old friends,
60
00:02:12,199 --> 00:02:13,799
see how everybody's changed.
61
00:02:13,801 --> 00:02:15,467
Who got bald, who got married.
62
00:02:15,469 --> 00:02:16,902
That sounds great.
Mm-hmm.
63
00:02:16,904 --> 00:02:18,604
What's the ETA on the coffee?
64
00:02:18,606 --> 00:02:20,806
Pretty sure I'm the only person
65
00:02:20,808 --> 00:02:22,808
in the old crew
who's still single,
66
00:02:22,810 --> 00:02:24,443
but, hey, I'm cool with that.
67
00:02:24,445 --> 00:02:26,211
But you know how
everybody's gonna be.
68
00:02:26,213 --> 00:02:27,913
"No husband, Danielle?
69
00:02:27,915 --> 00:02:30,883
Not even a boyfriend,
Danielle?"
70
00:02:30,885 --> 00:02:32,217
Who's Danielle?
71
00:02:34,188 --> 00:02:35,721
You're Danielle.
72
00:02:35,723 --> 00:02:37,256
Mm. But, you know,
73
00:02:37,258 --> 00:02:38,790
if I get, uh, lonely,
I can always
74
00:02:38,792 --> 00:02:40,826
sit at the front desk
and just hand out name tags.
75
00:02:40,828 --> 00:02:43,295
You know, "Welcome back,
East High Roadrunner!"
76
00:02:43,297 --> 00:02:45,164
The name tags are arranged
by last name.
77
00:02:45,166 --> 00:02:47,299
And yes, I still have
the same last name
78
00:02:47,301 --> 00:02:48,901
because I'm not married.
79
00:02:48,903 --> 00:02:51,270
(crying)
80
00:02:51,272 --> 00:02:54,306
There, there.
81
00:02:54,308 --> 00:02:56,742
(whispering): Good, but
cover her with both hands.
82
00:02:58,179 --> 00:02:59,645
(mouthing)
83
00:03:24,271 --> 00:03:26,205
Darren and I broke up
almost a year ago,
84
00:03:26,207 --> 00:03:29,942
and I've pretty much given up
on trying to find someone new.
85
00:03:29,944 --> 00:03:31,577
(sniffles)
Here's a tissue.
86
00:03:31,579 --> 00:03:32,778
I'm okay.
87
00:03:32,780 --> 00:03:35,581
I must insist.
88
00:03:36,650 --> 00:03:38,684
I'm sorry for
crying like that.
89
00:03:38,686 --> 00:03:39,985
It was so unprofessional.
90
00:03:39,987 --> 00:03:41,954
It's okay.
91
00:03:41,956 --> 00:03:43,655
Unprofessional. Please.
92
00:03:43,657 --> 00:03:45,991
We're all friends here,
right, Oscar?
93
00:03:45,993 --> 00:03:48,760
That was a crazy amount
of tears.
94
00:03:49,697 --> 00:03:51,563
Yeah, I'm gonna get some water.
95
00:03:51,565 --> 00:03:53,632
I actually cried myself thirsty.
96
00:03:56,003 --> 00:03:57,903
Well, it's obvious
what we have to do.
97
00:03:57,905 --> 00:04:02,374
Yeah, teach Dani to cry in the
shower like a normal person.
98
00:04:02,376 --> 00:04:03,875
No, we have
to find her a boyfriend.
99
00:04:03,877 --> 00:04:05,944
No, we have to
stay out of it.
100
00:04:05,946 --> 00:04:07,846
She thinks she'll never find
anyone again.
101
00:04:07,848 --> 00:04:10,315
I understand that feeling,
more than I would care to admit.
102
00:04:10,317 --> 00:04:12,818
And I think you do, too,
if you could look down deep,
103
00:04:12,820 --> 00:04:15,254
past the swamp
of half-digested fish sticks.
104
00:04:15,256 --> 00:04:17,823
Dani is strong and proud,
and she doesn't need us
105
00:04:17,825 --> 00:04:20,359
to set her up like
she's some charity case.
106
00:04:20,361 --> 00:04:23,328
DANI:
Yeah, I do!
I want that!
107
00:04:23,330 --> 00:04:25,797
Well, you know what?
I will help her.
108
00:04:25,799 --> 00:04:27,466
I don't know what I thought,
expecting you
109
00:04:27,468 --> 00:04:28,734
to think about anyone
other than yourself.
110
00:04:28,736 --> 00:04:30,669
I'll buy you
a new one.
111
00:04:30,671 --> 00:04:32,537
What do you mean?
112
00:04:32,539 --> 00:04:34,806
(air hissing)
113
00:04:38,012 --> 00:04:40,812
(playing pretty melody)
114
00:04:40,814 --> 00:04:43,849
Wonderful! That will set the
perfect tone for Dani's date.
115
00:04:43,851 --> 00:04:45,651
What can I say?
I'm a romantic.
116
00:04:45,653 --> 00:04:47,319
And you're paying me.
I like money.
117
00:04:47,321 --> 00:04:48,787
(both laughing)
Say,
118
00:04:48,789 --> 00:04:50,622
why can you never find
the composer
119
00:04:50,624 --> 00:04:52,024
of Trumpet Concerto
in E Flat Major?
120
00:04:52,026 --> 00:04:53,025
Because he's Haydn.
121
00:04:53,027 --> 00:04:55,027
(laughter)
122
00:04:55,029 --> 00:04:57,296
Oh, Cindy, thanks.
123
00:04:57,298 --> 00:04:59,298
I'll be in touch.
Okay.
124
00:04:59,300 --> 00:05:00,766
Felix, I finished your
matchmaking questionnaire,
125
00:05:00,768 --> 00:05:02,901
but some of the questions
seemed a little personal,
126
00:05:02,903 --> 00:05:04,436
like the one
about positions.
127
00:05:04,438 --> 00:05:06,405
I wanted to know
about your job history.
128
00:05:06,407 --> 00:05:08,807
Oh.
129
00:05:08,809 --> 00:05:11,743
Then you should know I once
worked as a missionary.
130
00:05:11,745 --> 00:05:14,680
And a cowgirl.
131
00:05:18,919 --> 00:05:21,887
Okay, I have given
the same questionnaire
132
00:05:21,889 --> 00:05:23,822
to every available man
that I know.
Mm-hmm.
133
00:05:23,824 --> 00:05:25,891
My work colleagues, the viola
player in my string quartet,
134
00:05:25,893 --> 00:05:27,592
all of my book club bros.
135
00:05:27,594 --> 00:05:29,061
And once I compile the data,
136
00:05:29,063 --> 00:05:30,796
finding Mr. Right
will be a cinch.
137
00:05:30,798 --> 00:05:31,963
Ooh.
138
00:05:31,965 --> 00:05:34,066
You're looking for Mr. Right?
139
00:05:34,068 --> 00:05:35,901
I have just the guy for you.
Oh, yeah?
140
00:05:35,903 --> 00:05:37,636
My brother-in-law.
141
00:05:37,638 --> 00:05:39,771
He's been living
with my wife and I for a while,
142
00:05:39,773 --> 00:05:42,040
and a more delightful companion
you will not find.
143
00:05:43,043 --> 00:05:44,643
Wait. Alan?
144
00:05:44,645 --> 00:05:46,745
The moocher who lives
in your basement?
145
00:05:46,747 --> 00:05:49,815
Oh. Hey, many great men
got their start in a basement.
146
00:05:49,817 --> 00:05:52,417
No, many great men got
their start in a garage.
147
00:05:52,419 --> 00:05:55,687
Many serial killers got
their start in a basement.
148
00:05:56,957 --> 00:05:58,523
Alan isn't a serial killer.
149
00:05:58,525 --> 00:06:00,425
He doesn't have
that kind of work ethic.
150
00:06:01,895 --> 00:06:04,429
Okay, let's see what you put
for most important qualities.
151
00:06:04,431 --> 00:06:05,597
"Religious."
152
00:06:05,599 --> 00:06:06,832
That's number one.
153
00:06:06,834 --> 00:06:09,668
"A good butt."
A close number two.
154
00:06:09,670 --> 00:06:12,371
Okay. "Likes-- football,
baseball, basketball."
155
00:06:12,373 --> 00:06:13,972
Got it.
156
00:06:13,974 --> 00:06:15,574
God, butt, balls.
157
00:06:17,945 --> 00:06:19,611
Now that I have
this information,
158
00:06:19,613 --> 00:06:21,646
I shall find you
the perfect match.
159
00:06:21,648 --> 00:06:23,648
And while I cannot
guarantee success...
160
00:06:23,650 --> 00:06:24,916
yes, I can.
161
00:06:26,086 --> 00:06:28,787
Felix, you can't
micromanage romance.
162
00:06:28,789 --> 00:06:30,622
It's not micromanaging.
163
00:06:30,624 --> 00:06:32,791
It's simply creating
a love algorithm
164
00:06:32,793 --> 00:06:34,926
to compare data,
weighting certain categories
165
00:06:34,928 --> 00:06:38,463
as indicators
for long-term potential.
(snoring)
166
00:06:38,465 --> 00:06:40,098
Oh, I'm sorry. I dozed off.
167
00:06:40,100 --> 00:06:42,434
Who's the space president now?
168
00:06:43,504 --> 00:06:45,804
Sounds exciting.
So scientific.
169
00:06:45,806 --> 00:06:47,139
That's not the
way love works.
170
00:06:47,141 --> 00:06:49,708
You can't plan it.
It just happens.
171
00:06:49,710 --> 00:06:51,143
Oh, so she should just
sit at home and hope
172
00:06:51,145 --> 00:06:52,778
that someone good comes along?
173
00:06:52,780 --> 00:06:54,880
No, you got to put
yourself out there.
174
00:06:54,882 --> 00:06:57,549
There are lots of ways
to maximize your chances.
175
00:06:57,551 --> 00:06:59,551
That you'll teach me?
Thank you, Oscar!
176
00:06:59,553 --> 00:07:00,919
Oh, no, I wasn't offering.
177
00:07:00,921 --> 00:07:02,788
I was just arguing with Felix.
178
00:07:04,057 --> 00:07:06,858
And I was offering.
Yes!
179
00:07:06,860 --> 00:07:09,528
Oh, do you think we can find me
a soul mate by the reunion?
180
00:07:09,530 --> 00:07:11,029
There's a couple of bitches
in Spanish Club
181
00:07:11,031 --> 00:07:12,731
I really want to stick it to.
182
00:07:12,733 --> 00:07:15,667
That's right, tengo un hombre.
183
00:07:18,071 --> 00:07:19,905
It's nice that you
and Felix are trying
184
00:07:19,907 --> 00:07:21,440
to find a guy
for Dani, but...
185
00:07:21,442 --> 00:07:23,875
Extra, extra!
I'm single, too!
186
00:07:23,877 --> 00:07:26,111
(laughs)
187
00:07:26,113 --> 00:07:28,947
Maybe it's because
I say stuff like that.
188
00:07:28,949 --> 00:07:30,582
Sorry I'm late.
189
00:07:30,584 --> 00:07:32,717
I got nervous and started
hyperventilating on the subway.
190
00:07:32,719 --> 00:07:35,086
I had to breathe into
a homeless guy's liquor bag.
191
00:07:35,088 --> 00:07:38,457
But then he hit on me, so I got
a little confidence going.
192
00:07:38,459 --> 00:07:40,025
Okay, well, let's
ride that wave.
193
00:07:40,027 --> 00:07:41,760
I'm gonna introduce
you to guys
194
00:07:41,762 --> 00:07:43,128
so they'll feel like
they're pursuing you.
195
00:07:43,130 --> 00:07:44,463
You can work this magic?
196
00:07:44,465 --> 00:07:46,131
Langford's is my home turf.
197
00:07:46,133 --> 00:07:49,000
My radio show makes me
kind of a god in here.
198
00:07:49,002 --> 00:07:50,969
Hey, you're
Oscar Madison, right?
199
00:07:50,971 --> 00:07:52,137
That's right, my friend.
200
00:07:52,139 --> 00:07:54,139
I'm not your friend,
you jackass!
201
00:07:54,141 --> 00:07:56,074
Let's go.
Mm-hmm.
202
00:07:56,076 --> 00:07:59,678
You're a joke. You got
a big mouth and a little brain!
203
00:07:59,680 --> 00:08:03,148
What's wrong with him? He's cute
and a good judge of character.
204
00:08:04,551 --> 00:08:05,984
Oscar, I feel like an idiot.
205
00:08:05,986 --> 00:08:07,552
Are you sure about this?
206
00:08:07,554 --> 00:08:10,121
Trust me. This is gonna
work. Just do it again.
207
00:08:13,227 --> 00:08:15,560
Hey, can I give you
a couple pointers?
208
00:08:15,562 --> 00:08:17,162
Yeah?
Uh-huh.
209
00:08:17,164 --> 00:08:19,598
You got to keep
your elbow up, all right?
210
00:08:19,600 --> 00:08:21,066
(giggling)
Just all in the wrists.
211
00:08:21,068 --> 00:08:22,567
Now, just...
(phone ringing)
212
00:08:22,569 --> 00:08:24,002
One second.
213
00:08:24,004 --> 00:08:26,037
Ah, it's just my mom.
Uh-uh.
214
00:08:26,039 --> 00:08:29,074
A real man always
takes his mama's calls.
215
00:08:30,844 --> 00:08:33,912
She's right.
216
00:08:33,914 --> 00:08:36,181
And she's never missed
a Knicks home game.
217
00:08:36,183 --> 00:08:38,016
Pretty and a sports fan?
218
00:08:38,018 --> 00:08:40,085
Hello, complete package.
219
00:08:40,087 --> 00:08:44,556
No. He's a winker.
Never trust a winker.
220
00:08:44,558 --> 00:08:46,191
Nice to meet you.
221
00:08:47,194 --> 00:08:49,561
He used the word "plethora."
222
00:08:49,563 --> 00:08:52,063
Just say "too much."
Don't fancy-pants me.
223
00:08:52,065 --> 00:08:55,100
You know the expression
"Beggars can't be choosers?"
224
00:08:55,102 --> 00:08:56,902
Yeah.
I don't think you do.
225
00:08:56,904 --> 00:08:59,170
You're not giving any
of these guys a shot.
226
00:08:59,172 --> 00:09:00,739
Hey, if I don't get
the right vibe,
227
00:09:00,741 --> 00:09:02,641
I'm not gonna waste my time.
228
00:09:02,643 --> 00:09:04,976
What about my time?
229
00:09:04,978 --> 00:09:07,012
If I wasn't doing this, I'd...
230
00:09:07,014 --> 00:09:10,982
you know, still be here,
but I'd be drunk by now.
231
00:09:10,984 --> 00:09:13,184
Hey, I've been
watching you
232
00:09:13,186 --> 00:09:15,053
try to help your
friend meet someone,
233
00:09:15,055 --> 00:09:16,788
and I think
it's very sweet.
234
00:09:16,790 --> 00:09:19,658
You do?
235
00:09:19,660 --> 00:09:22,193
Well, I just won't rest
until she finds happiness,
236
00:09:22,195 --> 00:09:25,330
but that's the kind
of friend I am.
237
00:09:25,332 --> 00:09:28,300
Yes, Oscar makes me
believe in angels.
238
00:09:28,302 --> 00:09:30,702
(laughing):
Oh, stop. But it's true.
239
00:09:30,704 --> 00:09:32,704
I'm Oscar. Can I
buy you a drink?
240
00:09:32,706 --> 00:09:34,673
Oh, no need.
I told them it's my birthday,
241
00:09:34,675 --> 00:09:36,074
so I'm drinking for free.
242
00:09:36,076 --> 00:09:37,342
Ooh, a naughty girl.
243
00:09:37,344 --> 00:09:38,944
Off you go.
244
00:09:41,315 --> 00:09:44,215
Dani! Any luck?
Has Oscar found anyone?
245
00:09:44,217 --> 00:09:46,217
Yeah, for himself.
I'm still alone.
246
00:09:46,219 --> 00:09:48,253
Great! I-I mean
247
00:09:48,255 --> 00:09:50,355
because I just found you
the perfect man.
248
00:09:50,357 --> 00:09:53,325
So just relax
and let Felix be your...
249
00:09:53,327 --> 00:09:54,893
Robin Hood?
250
00:09:54,895 --> 00:09:56,194
Cupid.
251
00:09:56,196 --> 00:09:57,862
Sorry. I should have
lifted a foot
252
00:09:57,864 --> 00:09:59,331
and been more delicate
with my bow pull.
253
00:10:00,334 --> 00:10:02,734
Yeah, that's Cupid. Yeah.
254
00:10:07,240 --> 00:10:09,274
Really? You were never
in the circus?
255
00:10:09,276 --> 00:10:11,610
Uh-uh.
256
00:10:11,612 --> 00:10:13,778
I can't believe
you are in your 40s.
257
00:10:13,780 --> 00:10:16,047
You didn't act
like it last night.
258
00:10:16,049 --> 00:10:18,316
She means in bed.
259
00:10:18,318 --> 00:10:20,118
And not at the Mensa meeting?
260
00:10:24,391 --> 00:10:25,374
I got it.
261
00:10:25,375 --> 00:10:26,358
I'll be right back.
I'll get you some coffee.
262
00:10:29,963 --> 00:10:32,063
Well, aren't you gonna
say something?
263
00:10:32,065 --> 00:10:33,198
About what?
264
00:10:33,200 --> 00:10:35,166
About fate finding me
someone wonderful.
265
00:10:35,168 --> 00:10:36,968
And I didn't need
some stupid algorithm.
266
00:10:36,970 --> 00:10:38,837
It just happened.
267
00:10:38,839 --> 00:10:42,340
Mmm. It's a good thing I have
superior epiglottal control.
268
00:10:42,342 --> 00:10:45,310
Otherwise, that would have been
one heck of a spit take.
269
00:10:46,847 --> 00:10:49,314
No, you had your classic
shallow one-night stand.
270
00:10:49,316 --> 00:10:51,650
I'm trying to engineer
a relationship for Dani
271
00:10:51,652 --> 00:10:53,151
with meaning
and substance.
272
00:10:53,153 --> 00:10:55,153
How do you know
that's not what I'm after?
273
00:10:55,155 --> 00:10:57,122
Who says Kim
isn't the one?
274
00:10:57,124 --> 00:10:58,890
What's Kim's last name?
275
00:10:59,926 --> 00:11:02,227
Kellogg.
276
00:11:02,229 --> 00:11:03,928
I don't even have to turn around
277
00:11:03,930 --> 00:11:06,064
to know there's a box of cereal
behind me.
278
00:11:09,670 --> 00:11:12,871
Poke all the holes you want,
but she is something special.
279
00:11:12,873 --> 00:11:16,174
And I'm planning on asking her
out on another date.
280
00:11:16,176 --> 00:11:17,942
KIM:
I'd love to, Oscar!
281
00:11:17,944 --> 00:11:21,379
Wow, are the bedroom walls
this thin?
282
00:11:21,381 --> 00:11:23,281
Oh, yes.
283
00:11:27,120 --> 00:11:30,055
(chuckles)
Thanks for letting me
tweak the decor.
284
00:11:30,057 --> 00:11:31,756
Oh, well,
there's no point in being
285
00:11:31,758 --> 00:11:33,391
co-assistant weekday manager
286
00:11:33,393 --> 00:11:35,860
if you can't help out a friend.
(chuckles)
287
00:11:35,862 --> 00:11:39,397
Seriously,
there is no other point.
288
00:11:39,399 --> 00:11:41,266
Oh, congratulations. I didn't
know you got a promotion.
289
00:11:41,268 --> 00:11:43,301
Well, not so much a promotion
290
00:11:43,303 --> 00:11:45,336
as the last guy went back
to high school.
291
00:11:45,338 --> 00:11:46,938
(Cindy warming up violin)
292
00:11:46,940 --> 00:11:48,373
Oh, Cindy,
293
00:11:48,375 --> 00:11:50,709
forgive a humble
cellist for noting it,
294
00:11:50,711 --> 00:11:53,244
but your E string is
just a skosh flat.
295
00:11:53,246 --> 00:11:56,314
♪ Don't hate me for
my perfect pitch. ♪
296
00:11:59,352 --> 00:12:00,351
Dani.
297
00:12:00,353 --> 00:12:02,087
Hi, Felix. Here I am.
298
00:12:02,089 --> 00:12:03,788
I just got to admit
I'm a little nervous.
299
00:12:03,790 --> 00:12:06,257
Oh, don't be.
You look absolutely perfect.
300
00:12:07,227 --> 00:12:08,226
Hello, children.
301
00:12:08,228 --> 00:12:09,461
Kim and I were just talking
302
00:12:09,463 --> 00:12:11,496
about all the things
we have in common.
303
00:12:11,498 --> 00:12:13,031
What can I get
you to drink?
304
00:12:13,033 --> 00:12:15,133
I'll bet you we like
all the same things.
305
00:12:15,135 --> 00:12:16,367
Oh, anything with alcohol.
306
00:12:16,369 --> 00:12:18,369
What are the odds?
307
00:12:20,807 --> 00:12:23,742
Oh, Will! There he is.
Will, this is Dani.
308
00:12:23,744 --> 00:12:26,044
Hi.
Dani, this is Will.
309
00:12:26,046 --> 00:12:27,979
I like a man who can wear
a fedora without looking
310
00:12:27,981 --> 00:12:29,814
like a hipster you want
to punch in the face.
311
00:12:29,816 --> 00:12:32,484
(chuckles) Well, I like
not being punched in the face.
312
00:12:32,486 --> 00:12:34,486
Banter!
(chuckles)
313
00:12:34,488 --> 00:12:36,287
You both scored high
on verbal jousting.
314
00:12:36,289 --> 00:12:39,257
(Will and Dani chuckle)
315
00:12:39,259 --> 00:12:41,359
Emily, would you show
the happy couple to their table?
316
00:12:41,361 --> 00:12:42,994
Of course.
(chuckles)
317
00:12:44,364 --> 00:12:47,031
The Carmen Fantasy
for solo violin?
318
00:12:47,033 --> 00:12:48,032
Ooh, fun.
(chuckles)
319
00:12:48,034 --> 00:12:50,068
Well, it is a sports bar.
320
00:12:50,070 --> 00:12:51,936
(playing the Carmen Fantasy)
321
00:12:53,440 --> 00:12:55,340
So, yeah, we dated
for a couple of years,
322
00:12:55,342 --> 00:12:57,342
and he just wasn't
ready to get married.
323
00:12:57,344 --> 00:12:59,444
Or give up his Star Wars room.
324
00:13:01,948 --> 00:13:05,483
Uh-huh. Uh, anyway, so it ended
and it was for the best.
325
00:13:05,485 --> 00:13:08,119
(à la Porky Pig):
Buh-dee-buh-dee-buh-dee,
that's all folks!
326
00:13:08,121 --> 00:13:10,455
(Will and Dani laugh)
327
00:13:10,457 --> 00:13:11,456
Uh-huh.
328
00:13:13,193 --> 00:13:14,425
This is nice.
I can't believe
329
00:13:14,427 --> 00:13:16,427
how lucky we were
meeting each other.
330
00:13:16,429 --> 00:13:18,363
Okay, you don't have
to pretend anymore.
331
00:13:18,365 --> 00:13:19,815
What do you mean?
332
00:13:19,816 --> 00:13:21,266
I know what you
were doing last night,
333
00:13:21,268 --> 00:13:23,101
pretending to help
your friend to get to me.
334
00:13:23,103 --> 00:13:25,303
Well, that's not exactly
what happened.
335
00:13:25,305 --> 00:13:28,006
Don't apologize.
I like a bad boy.
336
00:13:28,008 --> 00:13:32,010
I did have a leather jacket
in junior high.
337
00:13:32,012 --> 00:13:35,180
Wore it
whenever it got cold out.
338
00:13:35,182 --> 00:13:37,015
Watch this, bad boy.
339
00:13:37,017 --> 00:13:41,319
Excuse me, can I get a ten
for ten ones?
Oh, sure.
340
00:13:41,321 --> 00:13:42,821
Uh, there you go.
Thank...
341
00:13:42,823 --> 00:13:44,889
Oh, here, you gave me a ten
with the ones.
342
00:13:44,891 --> 00:13:46,524
Whoops. Keep it.
I'll give you another single,
343
00:13:46,526 --> 00:13:48,259
and then you can
just give me a 20.
344
00:13:49,229 --> 00:13:50,395
Yeah, that works.
345
00:13:53,166 --> 00:13:54,899
Wait, did you just...
346
00:13:54,901 --> 00:13:56,367
Next round's on me.
347
00:13:58,371 --> 00:14:01,506
Just play it cool,
all right?
348
00:14:01,508 --> 00:14:04,609
What the... Hey!
Look who's here.
349
00:14:04,611 --> 00:14:07,245
Teddy, hi.
Uh, this is my brother-in-law,
Alan.
350
00:14:07,247 --> 00:14:09,914
We just came to watch the game,
have a few brewskis.
351
00:14:09,916 --> 00:14:12,550
And chicken fingers. You said
you'd buy me chicken fingers.
352
00:14:12,552 --> 00:14:15,553
(chuckles)
This guy just cracks me up.
Isn't he something?
353
00:14:15,555 --> 00:14:17,121
(chuckling)
354
00:14:17,123 --> 00:14:20,458
Teddy, what are you doing here?
355
00:14:20,460 --> 00:14:23,428
Small world, Felix.
356
00:14:23,430 --> 00:14:25,396
That's all this is.
357
00:14:26,533 --> 00:14:28,399
Can we sit down?
358
00:14:28,401 --> 00:14:30,134
I have asthma.
359
00:14:30,136 --> 00:14:31,536
I was a preemie.
360
00:14:31,538 --> 00:14:32,937
Oh, really?
361
00:14:32,939 --> 00:14:34,439
It was touch and go
for a minute,
362
00:14:34,441 --> 00:14:36,875
but, lucky for you, I held on.
363
00:14:38,411 --> 00:14:41,079
I'm never getting rid
of you, am I?
364
00:14:41,081 --> 00:14:42,313
I don't think so.
365
00:14:42,315 --> 00:14:44,249
(crowd groaning)
366
00:14:44,251 --> 00:14:45,984
Gentlemen! Gentlemen, gentlemen,
367
00:14:45,986 --> 00:14:47,986
please, can't you see
there are two people over there
368
00:14:47,988 --> 00:14:49,454
who are trying to fall in love?
369
00:14:49,456 --> 00:14:51,923
I know that inside each
and every one of you there is
370
00:14:51,925 --> 00:14:53,258
a hopeless
romantic.
371
00:14:53,260 --> 00:14:55,460
Who would love a free beer.
372
00:14:55,462 --> 00:14:56,494
(crowd cheering)
373
00:14:56,496 --> 00:14:58,997
(cheering quietly)
374
00:15:01,101 --> 00:15:02,567
Hey, Em,
what are you doing?
375
00:15:02,569 --> 00:15:04,335
I'm short
ten dollars.
376
00:15:04,337 --> 00:15:06,204
Oh, boy.
377
00:15:06,206 --> 00:15:07,438
It's been a weird night.
378
00:15:07,440 --> 00:15:09,274
I keep getting stiffed on tips,
379
00:15:09,276 --> 00:15:11,442
even on the orders
I'm getting right.
380
00:15:12,479 --> 00:15:14,012
That is weird.
381
00:15:14,014 --> 00:15:15,513
Oh, look,
382
00:15:15,515 --> 00:15:17,649
I found your ten dollars.
Oh!
383
00:15:17,651 --> 00:15:21,252
And here's some other money
you probably lost and deserve.
384
00:15:21,254 --> 00:15:23,554
Thanks.
385
00:15:23,556 --> 00:15:25,523
So, how goes it with Kimberly?
386
00:15:25,525 --> 00:15:29,360
Great! If I'm not careful, that
lady's gonna steal my heart.
387
00:15:29,362 --> 00:15:32,697
Ah, there she is. Is
it time for champagne?
388
00:15:32,699 --> 00:15:37,302
Uh, well, actually...
Rhetorical question. It's
always time for champagne.
389
00:15:37,304 --> 00:15:39,037
Yay.
390
00:15:39,039 --> 00:15:40,305
You don't like Will, do you?
391
00:15:40,307 --> 00:15:44,108
What?! No! No! No.
392
00:15:44,110 --> 00:15:46,945
Please don't say
anything to Felix.
393
00:15:46,947 --> 00:15:49,314
And, yes, I know I'm being
picky. It's just...
394
00:15:49,316 --> 00:15:51,416
I really want to
feel that chemistry,
395
00:15:51,418 --> 00:15:55,687
and, I don't know, maybe it's
just never gonna happen for me.
396
00:15:56,623 --> 00:15:58,456
Dani, why are you talking
to Oscar
397
00:15:58,458 --> 00:16:00,558
when the man of your dreams
is all by his lonesome?
398
00:16:00,560 --> 00:16:02,327
Yay!
399
00:16:02,329 --> 00:16:03,728
Felix, I think
it's nice
400
00:16:03,730 --> 00:16:06,164
what you're doing
for Dani-- I really do--
401
00:16:06,166 --> 00:16:08,232
but maybe this isn't
the guy for her.
402
00:16:08,234 --> 00:16:09,300
What?
I'm just
saying
403
00:16:09,302 --> 00:16:10,301
there are some things
404
00:16:10,303 --> 00:16:11,669
that are out of our control.
405
00:16:11,671 --> 00:16:14,172
I can't think that way.
Why not?
406
00:16:14,174 --> 00:16:16,341
Because if it's all left up
to fate, who's to say
407
00:16:16,343 --> 00:16:18,309
that fate won't decide
that I should be alone forever?
408
00:16:19,579 --> 00:16:22,080
But I hope it works
for you and Kim.
409
00:16:22,082 --> 00:16:25,016
I'm sorry I was so quick
to judge. She seems great.
410
00:16:25,018 --> 00:16:27,585
Yeah, she's a real pistol.
411
00:16:27,587 --> 00:16:29,587
Hey, this has
412
00:16:29,589 --> 00:16:33,391
been fun, with all the
petty larceny, but...
413
00:16:33,393 --> 00:16:35,159
I have to be up really early,
414
00:16:35,161 --> 00:16:37,695
so why don't I just pick up
the check and we'll go?
415
00:16:37,697 --> 00:16:39,263
Don't worry.
I'll take care of it.
416
00:16:39,265 --> 00:16:39,764
Oh.
417
00:16:41,534 --> 00:16:42,567
Ew.
(gasps)
418
00:16:42,569 --> 00:16:43,634
There's a bug on my plate!
419
00:16:43,636 --> 00:16:45,536
Um, is there a problem?
420
00:16:45,538 --> 00:16:47,638
I'm co-assistant
weekday manager.
421
00:16:47,640 --> 00:16:50,375
Yeah, there's a problem.
I almost ate a roach.
422
00:16:50,377 --> 00:16:54,078
I am so sorry.
Uh, your meal is on us.
423
00:16:54,080 --> 00:16:55,780
You'll do more than that.
Right, Oscar?
424
00:16:56,416 --> 00:16:58,082
What happened?
425
00:16:58,084 --> 00:16:59,684
She dumped the bug!
426
00:16:59,686 --> 00:17:01,686
She keeps a bug
in her purse
427
00:17:01,688 --> 00:17:03,554
to get out of paying the
check, and you're insane,
428
00:17:03,556 --> 00:17:06,024
and that is gross!
429
00:17:06,026 --> 00:17:08,359
And, Felix, you're right. Maybe
I should be more discerning
430
00:17:08,361 --> 00:17:09,794
when it comes to women!
431
00:17:11,564 --> 00:17:14,665
I am really disappointed in you.
432
00:17:15,602 --> 00:17:16,701
(groans)
433
00:17:18,805 --> 00:17:22,106
What a freak show.
434
00:17:22,108 --> 00:17:24,108
You know, my questionnaire
would have weeded her out.
435
00:17:24,110 --> 00:17:25,610
Because, Oscar, you...
436
00:17:25,612 --> 00:17:28,346
Da-Dani, wait. Wait,
what's happening?
437
00:17:28,348 --> 00:17:29,580
Why is he leaving?
438
00:17:29,582 --> 00:17:31,282
We had a lovely evening.
439
00:17:31,284 --> 00:17:33,151
You know, we just...
weren't feeling it.
440
00:17:33,153 --> 00:17:34,619
No, no, no, no, no.
You guys are perfect together.
441
00:17:34,621 --> 00:17:36,154
I have scientific proof.
442
00:17:36,156 --> 00:17:38,222
Sorry, Felix. We know
how much this meant to you.
443
00:17:38,224 --> 00:17:40,124
Oh, no, no, no, no.
It's not too late.
444
00:17:40,126 --> 00:17:41,192
It's-it's this damn place.
445
00:17:41,194 --> 00:17:42,660
I told you guys to keep it down!
446
00:17:42,662 --> 00:17:44,562
(crowd protesting)
Hey! Give me that remote
447
00:17:44,564 --> 00:17:47,198
before I have to change channels
by kicking you in the ass.
448
00:17:47,200 --> 00:17:48,633
Hey, man, back off.
449
00:17:48,635 --> 00:17:50,334
Oh, look who wants us
to be quiet--
450
00:17:50,336 --> 00:17:52,170
the biggest loudmouth there is.
451
00:17:52,172 --> 00:17:54,338
This coming from a guy
with a cross around his neck.
452
00:17:54,340 --> 00:17:55,740
What would Jesus say?
453
00:17:55,742 --> 00:17:58,176
"He whoeth is without fault,
454
00:17:58,178 --> 00:18:01,412
"you know, should be good to...
455
00:18:01,414 --> 00:18:03,648
fellow man."
456
00:18:04,717 --> 00:18:05,716
It's okay, Oscar.
457
00:18:05,718 --> 00:18:07,785
It's too late anyway.
458
00:18:07,787 --> 00:18:10,455
You know what really bugs me
about guys like you, Madison?
459
00:18:10,457 --> 00:18:12,723
(phone rings)
You...
460
00:18:12,725 --> 00:18:14,559
Oh, hey, it's my mom.
461
00:18:14,561 --> 00:18:16,794
Hi, Mom.
462
00:18:18,398 --> 00:18:21,666
Hey, Dani, remember the
guy from last night?
463
00:18:21,668 --> 00:18:24,102
The cutie
who called you a jackass?
464
00:18:24,104 --> 00:18:26,804
I may regret saying this,
but I think you might dig him.
465
00:18:26,806 --> 00:18:29,874
He's religious,
he loves his mom, he's got a...
466
00:18:29,876 --> 00:18:31,776
pretty good caboose.
467
00:18:33,179 --> 00:18:35,813
Hey, uh, guy who hates me,
468
00:18:35,815 --> 00:18:37,648
this is Dani,
my assistant.
469
00:18:37,650 --> 00:18:41,352
Oh. You have
my condolences.
470
00:18:41,354 --> 00:18:44,355
Yeah, it ain't easy.
She doesn't need
your condolences.
471
00:18:44,357 --> 00:18:46,424
Is he as big a jerk
when he's off the air?
472
00:18:46,426 --> 00:18:50,128
No, not at all. But he more than
makes up for it in sloppiness.
473
00:18:50,130 --> 00:18:51,896
(chuckles) Looks like
he just rolled out of bed.
474
00:18:51,898 --> 00:18:53,731
(chuckles)
Onto a pile of garbage.
475
00:18:53,733 --> 00:18:57,568
(all laugh)
Getting a little mean.
476
00:18:58,505 --> 00:18:59,637
Can I buy you a drink?
477
00:18:59,639 --> 00:19:01,506
I'd love that.
478
00:19:07,413 --> 00:19:09,580
No tears this time.
479
00:19:09,582 --> 00:19:11,782
Ooh, but a lot of makeup.
480
00:19:11,784 --> 00:19:13,784
I am sorry about that.
481
00:19:16,689 --> 00:19:18,589
Well...
482
00:19:18,591 --> 00:19:20,591
looks like she found someone.
483
00:19:20,593 --> 00:19:23,261
Guess you were right.
As scary as it is,
484
00:19:23,263 --> 00:19:25,863
sometimes you have
to leave it all up to fate.
485
00:19:25,865 --> 00:19:29,734
Bye, Felix.
This has been a weird evening.
486
00:19:29,736 --> 00:19:32,770
Yes, it was. But your music
elevated it from a catastrophe
487
00:19:32,772 --> 00:19:35,907
to just... a really bad time.
(chuckles)
488
00:19:35,909 --> 00:19:38,776
Well, I, uh...
I hope to see you soon.
489
00:19:39,913 --> 00:19:40,912
Ask her out.
490
00:19:40,914 --> 00:19:42,914
Okay.
Okay.
491
00:19:42,916 --> 00:19:45,550
Cindy, um,
492
00:19:45,552 --> 00:19:48,753
would you... would you want
to get a cup of coffee with me?
493
00:19:48,755 --> 00:19:49,921
Sounds great.
494
00:19:49,923 --> 00:19:51,789
Full disclosure,
I'm asking you out
495
00:19:51,791 --> 00:19:54,792
not as a friend
or as a musician, but as a man.
496
00:19:54,794 --> 00:19:57,495
I understand.
Still... sounds great.
497
00:19:57,497 --> 00:19:58,963
Shall we?
498
00:20:01,901 --> 00:20:04,669
Yes, go.
Spread your wings and fly.
499
00:20:04,671 --> 00:20:06,871
Fly towards love.
500
00:20:09,809 --> 00:20:13,878
Yeah, hockey! Rangers! Go!
Good night!
501
00:20:23,256 --> 00:20:25,256
So you and
Cindy had fun?
502
00:20:25,258 --> 00:20:27,658
Mmm. Yes. It was nice to dip
my toe back in the dating pool,
503
00:20:27,660 --> 00:20:29,927
but I don't think
it's gonna amount to anything.
504
00:20:29,929 --> 00:20:32,330
Why not?
A cello guy and a violin gal?
505
00:20:32,332 --> 00:20:35,366
(laughs)
Let's solve the Middle East
506
00:20:35,368 --> 00:20:38,302
before we attempt the
truly impossible. (chuckles)
507
00:20:38,304 --> 00:20:40,404
Well,
508
00:20:40,406 --> 00:20:42,006
somebody's got a big smile
on her face.
509
00:20:42,008 --> 00:20:43,274
How was your date with Brad?
510
00:20:43,276 --> 00:20:45,276
I don't kiss and tell.
511
00:20:45,278 --> 00:20:46,744
We kissed.
(chuckles)
512
00:20:47,914 --> 00:20:49,380
And then, Oscar,
we started talking
513
00:20:49,382 --> 00:20:50,314
about your hygiene and...
514
00:20:50,316 --> 00:20:52,450
Oh. What fun.
(laughing)
515
00:20:54,454 --> 00:20:57,355
Looks like I'm the only one who
ended the night empty-handed.
516
00:20:57,357 --> 00:20:59,757
Well, at least you learned a
valuable lesson about yourself.
517
00:20:59,759 --> 00:21:02,593
Oh, stop your gloating. I don't
need to learn any lessons.
518
00:21:02,595 --> 00:21:04,829
(phone chimes)
519
00:21:04,831 --> 00:21:08,532
Huh, it's a fraud alert
from my credit card.
520
00:21:10,737 --> 00:21:12,436
Looks like I just bought
a used Miata.
521
00:21:12,438 --> 00:21:14,438
Captioning sponsored by
CBS
522
00:21:14,440 --> 00:21:15,740
Captioned by
Media Access Group at WGBH
access.wgbh.org