1
00:00:03,471 --> 00:00:05,537
Mmm.
Mmm.
2
00:00:07,641 --> 00:00:10,009
Best sandwich in the
history of the world.
3
00:00:10,011 --> 00:00:12,077
(muffled talking)
4
00:00:13,681 --> 00:00:15,547
I wish I hadn't eaten
the whole thing though.
5
00:00:15,549 --> 00:00:17,516
Ooh. Really feeling it.
6
00:00:17,518 --> 00:00:19,651
Teddy, if I were you, I'd think
twice before finishing that...
7
00:00:19,653 --> 00:00:21,353
You're not getting
the rest of my sandwich.
8
00:00:21,355 --> 00:00:23,022
(door closes)
9
00:00:23,024 --> 00:00:24,590
Oscar, what have I told you
10
00:00:24,592 --> 00:00:26,225
about eating on the sofa?
11
00:00:26,227 --> 00:00:27,359
You're getting
crumbs everywhere.
12
00:00:27,361 --> 00:00:28,694
(vacuum whirring)
13
00:00:28,696 --> 00:00:31,563
Hey, while you're at it,
take a lap on my shirt.
14
00:00:31,565 --> 00:00:33,632
My wife thinks I'm off carbs.
15
00:00:34,602 --> 00:00:36,435
(laughs):
Okay.
16
00:00:36,437 --> 00:00:38,537
Oh, that tickles.
17
00:00:38,539 --> 00:00:39,605
That tickles, Felix.
18
00:00:41,709 --> 00:00:44,109
Mail came.
We both got these.
19
00:00:44,111 --> 00:00:46,178
Ooh, looks like
a wedding invitation.
20
00:00:49,683 --> 00:00:51,750
Apparently the theme is clutter.
21
00:00:54,622 --> 00:00:56,722
(vacuum whirring)
22
00:00:56,724 --> 00:00:58,524
There's another one?
23
00:00:58,526 --> 00:01:00,259
He's got them stashed
all over the apartment
24
00:01:00,261 --> 00:01:02,461
like an alcoholic.
25
00:01:02,463 --> 00:01:05,164
I found one in the
bookcase behind my vodka.
26
00:01:06,534 --> 00:01:08,634
Oh, look.
27
00:01:08,636 --> 00:01:09,835
Steffie Beach is
getting married again.
28
00:01:09,837 --> 00:01:11,203
Who's Steffie Beach?
29
00:01:11,205 --> 00:01:14,139
Ah.
30
00:01:14,141 --> 00:01:16,141
Part of our old college crowd,
which means...
31
00:01:16,143 --> 00:01:17,776
Ashley will be there.
32
00:01:17,778 --> 00:01:20,712
Your ex. Sounds awkward.
33
00:01:20,714 --> 00:01:22,648
Is it?
34
00:01:22,650 --> 00:01:25,184
Or is it the perfect opportunity
to show her that I've changed?
35
00:01:25,186 --> 00:01:26,752
(vacuum whirring)
36
00:01:26,754 --> 00:01:28,821
I'm sticking with awkward.
37
00:01:30,758 --> 00:01:32,758
Felix, in what way
have you changed?
38
00:01:32,760 --> 00:01:35,594
Oh, well, as you know, Ashley's
biggest complaint about me
39
00:01:35,596 --> 00:01:38,130
is that I was a compulsive,
critical fussbudget.
40
00:01:38,132 --> 00:01:39,665
Which I pointed out
to her was actually
41
00:01:39,667 --> 00:01:40,766
three different complaints.
42
00:01:41,802 --> 00:01:42,835
But after a month
43
00:01:42,837 --> 00:01:44,736
under your
sloppy tutelage,
44
00:01:44,738 --> 00:01:48,707
old fussy Felix has been
upgraded to Felix 2.0.
45
00:01:48,709 --> 00:01:51,543
Lots more fun,
same great posture.
46
00:01:53,414 --> 00:01:55,814
And then what? She's gonna
suddenly call off the divorce?
47
00:01:55,816 --> 00:01:57,483
Well, no,
but maybe she'll go back
48
00:01:57,485 --> 00:01:59,351
to couples counseling with me.
49
00:01:59,353 --> 00:02:01,720
Especially when my bro Oscar
tells her how much I've changed.
50
00:02:01,722 --> 00:02:05,157
Felix 2.0 says "bro."
51
00:02:05,159 --> 00:02:07,759
So I get to put on a suit and
talk about how great you are?
52
00:02:07,761 --> 00:02:10,462
I was hoping to avoid that
until your funeral.
53
00:02:10,464 --> 00:02:11,897
Fine.
54
00:02:11,899 --> 00:02:13,732
Stay home.
55
00:02:13,734 --> 00:02:15,601
I'll say hi to--
pause for effect--
56
00:02:15,603 --> 00:02:18,403
Olivia.
Olivia?
57
00:02:18,405 --> 00:02:20,772
She's the bride's sister; you
know she's going to be there.
58
00:02:20,774 --> 00:02:22,608
Plus, I heard she's
recently divorced, too.
59
00:02:22,610 --> 00:02:24,576
Who's Olivia?
This really hot woman
60
00:02:24,578 --> 00:02:26,311
I lusted after
all through college.
61
00:02:26,313 --> 00:02:28,814
We almost hooked up at a party,
but then the paramedics came
62
00:02:28,816 --> 00:02:30,782
because someone discovered
he had an allergic reaction
63
00:02:30,784 --> 00:02:32,584
to the wheat in beer.
64
00:02:33,587 --> 00:02:36,421
How many times do I
have to apologize?!
65
00:02:36,423 --> 00:02:37,923
This is my chance
to make things right.
66
00:02:37,925 --> 00:02:39,758
It'll be like
when time travelers go back
67
00:02:39,760 --> 00:02:41,793
to Lincoln's assassination and,
68
00:02:41,795 --> 00:02:43,896
you know, sleep with
a really hot woman.
69
00:02:45,766 --> 00:02:47,182
Well, you're both free.
70
00:02:47,183 --> 00:02:48,599
I mean, who knows
what could happen?
71
00:02:48,602 --> 00:02:50,669
Yeah, he's right. There's
something about weddings.
72
00:02:50,671 --> 00:02:52,604
Oh, Diane wouldn't
look at me twice
73
00:02:52,606 --> 00:02:54,540
until we ran into each other
at a wedding.
74
00:02:54,542 --> 00:02:56,375
A little drinking,
a little dancing.
75
00:02:56,377 --> 00:02:58,177
Flash forward
to our silver anniversary,
76
00:02:58,179 --> 00:02:59,645
coming up on the 12th.
77
00:02:59,647 --> 00:03:00,812
Isn't today the 12th?
78
00:03:00,814 --> 00:03:02,781
Oh, crap.
79
00:03:04,552 --> 00:03:06,251
Florist downstairs
80
00:03:06,253 --> 00:03:08,921
closes in ten.
Yeah.
81
00:03:09,890 --> 00:03:11,423
Oscar, today's not the 12th.
82
00:03:11,425 --> 00:03:13,792
I know.
(knocking)
83
00:03:13,794 --> 00:03:15,260
Oscar, you liar, open up!
84
00:03:15,262 --> 00:03:16,762
I want my damn sandwich!
85
00:03:16,764 --> 00:03:17,829
(vacuum whirring)
86
00:03:17,831 --> 00:03:20,832
Sorry, can't hear you!
87
00:03:20,834 --> 00:03:22,901
It's not a toy.
88
00:03:47,761 --> 00:03:48,961
(knocking)
Come in.
89
00:03:48,963 --> 00:03:50,963
Oh, hey, Dani.
Am I interrupting your work?
90
00:03:50,965 --> 00:03:55,234
Yes, thank God.
91
00:03:55,236 --> 00:03:57,302
I'm writing Oscar's
apology letters for the month.
92
00:03:57,304 --> 00:04:00,405
He offends
a lot of people on his show.
93
00:04:00,407 --> 00:04:02,608
Athletes, fans,
94
00:04:02,610 --> 00:04:03,909
the Coast Guard.
95
00:04:04,812 --> 00:04:07,279
He called them the fake Navy.
96
00:04:07,281 --> 00:04:09,848
Well, don't let me stop you.
97
00:04:09,850 --> 00:04:11,350
I'm just looking for Felix.
98
00:04:11,352 --> 00:04:13,285
Oh, here comes
my favorite part of the day.
99
00:04:13,287 --> 00:04:15,554
Emily's excuse for
spending time with Felix.
100
00:04:15,556 --> 00:04:18,357
What? That's ridiculous.
101
00:04:18,359 --> 00:04:20,492
I just need someone
to open this jar for me.
102
00:04:23,497 --> 00:04:25,964
Okay, so I like
hanging out with Felix.
103
00:04:25,966 --> 00:04:27,633
He's a smart, interesting guy,
104
00:04:27,635 --> 00:04:29,401
who I occasionally
have dreams about.
105
00:04:29,403 --> 00:04:30,469
Mm-hmm.
106
00:04:31,805 --> 00:04:34,439
Well, it's over.
All is lost.
107
00:04:34,441 --> 00:04:36,842
Guess whose wife
has a sexy new boyfriend.
108
00:04:36,844 --> 00:04:39,911
I'm not gonna play because
I already know the answer.
109
00:04:39,913 --> 00:04:41,413
It's me.
110
00:04:41,415 --> 00:04:43,682
I tracked down Steffie's
wedding planner
111
00:04:43,684 --> 00:04:45,350
and asked to be seated
at Ashley's table.
112
00:04:45,352 --> 00:04:46,852
Turns out
she's bringing a date.
113
00:04:46,854 --> 00:04:49,988
A man named Chad Bannister.
114
00:04:49,990 --> 00:04:51,923
He sounds handsome.
115
00:04:51,925 --> 00:04:53,759
He is.
116
00:04:53,761 --> 00:04:55,394
I Googled him.
117
00:04:55,396 --> 00:04:57,462
Wavy hair
and the dark soulful eyes
118
00:04:57,464 --> 00:05:00,032
of a sad anchorman.
119
00:05:00,034 --> 00:05:01,433
Well, at least
it's not a fireman.
120
00:05:01,435 --> 00:05:03,802
You'll never win with a fireman.
121
00:05:03,804 --> 00:05:06,905
Well, it doesn't matter,
because I am not going.
122
00:05:06,907 --> 00:05:08,907
I'm not gonna put myself
through the torture of watching
123
00:05:08,909 --> 00:05:11,343
Ashley canoodle
with some beefcake.
124
00:05:11,345 --> 00:05:12,944
Did he just say "beefcake"?
125
00:05:12,946 --> 00:05:16,448
But "canoodle" you're fine with?
126
00:05:16,450 --> 00:05:19,017
I'm sorry, Felix, but
it was bound to happen.
127
00:05:19,019 --> 00:05:21,920
She's moved on, and maybe
it's time you do, too.
128
00:05:21,922 --> 00:05:23,755
Dani's right.
129
00:05:23,757 --> 00:05:26,692
Instead of obsessing, why don't
you show up with your own date?
130
00:05:26,694 --> 00:05:31,463
I mean, you must know someone
who would love to go with you.
131
00:05:31,465 --> 00:05:33,532
Foot off the gas.
Let him find it.
132
00:05:36,603 --> 00:05:38,503
No, no, you're right.
133
00:05:38,505 --> 00:05:40,505
Old Felix would have
stayed home and sulked.
134
00:05:40,507 --> 00:05:43,342
But new loosey-goosey Felix
goes out.
135
00:05:43,344 --> 00:05:45,043
Makes the women say,
"Who's that loose goose?"
136
00:05:46,380 --> 00:05:48,380
But the wedding
is tomorrow.
137
00:05:48,382 --> 00:05:50,549
How am I gonna find a date
on such short notice?
Hey...
138
00:05:50,551 --> 00:05:52,517
No.
139
00:05:52,519 --> 00:05:54,419
How about Emily?
140
00:05:54,421 --> 00:05:58,390
That's great. Emily, you
must have some hot friends.
141
00:05:58,392 --> 00:06:02,060
No, I think Emily would be
perfect as Felix's plus-one.
142
00:06:02,062 --> 00:06:03,628
Emily?
143
00:06:03,630 --> 00:06:05,430
Sure. I'm a great fake date.
144
00:06:05,432 --> 00:06:08,467
I went to all my cousins' proms.
145
00:06:08,469 --> 00:06:10,469
Wonderful.
Okay, well, all right.
146
00:06:10,471 --> 00:06:11,570
(laughs)
147
00:06:11,572 --> 00:06:12,904
Um, looks like
I need to find a dress.
148
00:06:12,906 --> 00:06:14,573
Do you have any requests?
149
00:06:14,575 --> 00:06:17,042
Oh, choose whatever you like.
Remember, loosey-goosey Felix.
150
00:06:17,044 --> 00:06:19,644
Okay, maybe I'll wear
my purple maxi dress.
151
00:06:19,646 --> 00:06:21,847
To a wedding? I said
loosey-goosey, not tacky-wacky.
152
00:06:26,086 --> 00:06:28,453
Oscar, where is your gift?
153
00:06:28,455 --> 00:06:31,056
I'm waiting the full year
before I buy her a gift again.
154
00:06:31,058 --> 00:06:33,492
Fool me once.
155
00:06:33,494 --> 00:06:34,926
Emily, I can't tell you how much
156
00:06:34,928 --> 00:06:36,595
I appreciate you
doing this for me.
157
00:06:36,597 --> 00:06:38,930
I hope I'm not putting you
in a difficult position.
158
00:06:38,932 --> 00:06:41,566
Oh, Felix, you can put me
in any position you want.
159
00:06:42,469 --> 00:06:43,969
Oh, I don't mean that sexually.
160
00:06:43,971 --> 00:06:46,004
Not that I hate sex. I don't.
I love it.
161
00:06:46,006 --> 00:06:48,106
Not in a whore way. (gasps)
162
00:06:48,108 --> 00:06:50,509
Shrimp toast.
163
00:06:50,511 --> 00:06:52,511
(whispers):
Oscar, there's Olivia.
164
00:06:52,513 --> 00:06:54,746
OSCAR:
Oh, wow, she looks great.
165
00:06:54,748 --> 00:06:56,982
Okay, here we go.
Magic time.
166
00:06:56,984 --> 00:06:59,551
(laughing loudly)
167
00:07:01,688 --> 00:07:03,488
What are you doing?
All part of my game plan.
168
00:07:03,490 --> 00:07:04,923
Five phases, ending in sex.
169
00:07:04,925 --> 00:07:06,525
Phase one: active ignoring.
170
00:07:06,527 --> 00:07:09,428
Good one, Felix!
I love stories!
171
00:07:10,497 --> 00:07:11,530
Oscar, I think she sees you.
172
00:07:11,532 --> 00:07:13,532
Perfect. Commencing phase two:
173
00:07:13,534 --> 00:07:14,866
fake friend across the room.
174
00:07:14,868 --> 00:07:16,935
Yes, Elliot,
I will come towards you.
175
00:07:18,739 --> 00:07:20,839
How about I get us
some champagne?
176
00:07:20,841 --> 00:07:22,908
That would be lovely.
177
00:07:26,480 --> 00:07:27,779
Felix?
178
00:07:27,781 --> 00:07:29,714
Ashley.
179
00:07:29,716 --> 00:07:31,950
Hi.
(deeper): Hello.
180
00:07:33,086 --> 00:07:34,853
You look stunning.
181
00:07:34,855 --> 00:07:36,488
You, too, Felix.
182
00:07:36,490 --> 00:07:37,856
I always liked that suit.
183
00:07:39,560 --> 00:07:41,092
Oh. Uh...
Oh.
184
00:07:41,094 --> 00:07:42,160
Yeah.
Uh...
185
00:07:46,233 --> 00:07:48,500
That's good.
186
00:07:49,903 --> 00:07:51,703
Hey, how's living with Oscar?
187
00:07:51,705 --> 00:07:53,205
I haven't seen
anything on the news,
188
00:07:53,207 --> 00:07:55,474
so I assumed you hadn't
killed each other yet.
189
00:07:55,476 --> 00:07:57,876
No, it's actually been
going quite well.
190
00:07:57,878 --> 00:07:59,544
You'd be surprised how
much living with him
191
00:07:59,546 --> 00:08:00,745
has loosened me up.
192
00:08:00,747 --> 00:08:03,882
I am now a totally
chill dude.
193
00:08:03,884 --> 00:08:06,485
So eight years of
marriage counseling, nothing,
194
00:08:06,487 --> 00:08:08,653
but one month with Oscar
and you're a new man?
195
00:08:08,655 --> 00:08:10,655
Yeah. It's like shock therapy.
196
00:08:10,657 --> 00:08:12,524
I don't even remember
the first two weeks.
197
00:08:12,526 --> 00:08:14,593
(laughs)
Oh...
198
00:08:14,595 --> 00:08:16,061
No, I'm really glad
we can laugh.
199
00:08:16,063 --> 00:08:18,063
I was afraid
this might be awkward.
200
00:08:18,065 --> 00:08:19,531
Awkward?
(chuckles)
201
00:08:19,533 --> 00:08:20,665
How could this be awkward?
202
00:08:20,667 --> 00:08:22,667
Just... two people hanging out.
203
00:08:22,669 --> 00:08:25,136
Oh, I want to introduce
you to Chad.
Two people and Chad.
204
00:08:26,573 --> 00:08:28,740
There you are,
you gorgeous bitch.
205
00:08:28,742 --> 00:08:30,175
(kisses)
206
00:08:30,177 --> 00:08:31,710
Hi, I'm Chad.
207
00:08:31,712 --> 00:08:33,211
And this is Hugo Boss.
208
00:08:33,213 --> 00:08:34,679
My undies are Marc Jacobs,
209
00:08:34,681 --> 00:08:36,848
but that's probably
too much information.
210
00:08:36,850 --> 00:08:41,620
No, I think
it's just enough.
211
00:08:41,622 --> 00:08:43,255
Okay, be my eyes. Where is she?
212
00:08:43,257 --> 00:08:46,057
Uh... Oh, heading this way,
about ten feet out.
213
00:08:46,059 --> 00:08:48,627
Three, two... (mouths)
214
00:08:48,629 --> 00:08:50,862
I don't care how much it
costs, those are orphans!
215
00:08:50,864 --> 00:08:52,297
Get them out of there!
216
00:08:54,835 --> 00:08:56,535
Oh, hey, Olivia.
217
00:08:56,537 --> 00:08:57,869
Oscar, hi!
218
00:08:57,871 --> 00:08:59,538
It's great to see you.
219
00:08:59,540 --> 00:09:01,873
Well, your sister got married.
You must be so happy.
220
00:09:01,875 --> 00:09:03,575
I am. For her.
221
00:09:03,577 --> 00:09:05,110
But when you're fresh
off of a divorce,
222
00:09:05,112 --> 00:09:06,778
last place you want
to be is a wedding.
223
00:09:06,780 --> 00:09:08,046
Ha. Tell me about it.
224
00:09:10,317 --> 00:09:12,951
Part of me just wants to be
that bridesmaid who gets drunk,
225
00:09:12,953 --> 00:09:15,086
grabs the nearest guy
and gets crazy.
226
00:09:15,088 --> 00:09:18,557
(laughs) Can I buy
that part of you a drink?
227
00:09:18,559 --> 00:09:19,858
Oh.
228
00:09:19,860 --> 00:09:20,859
(laughter)
229
00:09:20,861 --> 00:09:22,561
Too funny.
No.
230
00:09:22,563 --> 00:09:24,763
Wait, you thought
Chad was my date?
231
00:09:24,765 --> 00:09:27,799
Oh... the thought
may have occurred to me.
232
00:09:27,801 --> 00:09:29,167
Felix, give me some credit.
233
00:09:29,169 --> 00:09:31,169
You think I'm so insensitive
234
00:09:31,171 --> 00:09:33,872
that I would bring a date to an
event where I'd know you'd be?
235
00:09:33,874 --> 00:09:36,975
Oh, there you
are, Felix.
236
00:09:36,977 --> 00:09:39,244
Aren't you going
to introduce me?
237
00:09:41,148 --> 00:09:43,882
Oh. Did you bring a date?
238
00:09:43,884 --> 00:09:45,784
Hmm? What? Her?
239
00:09:45,786 --> 00:09:47,285
Huh? Oh, what?
240
00:09:47,287 --> 00:09:48,787
No, no.
241
00:09:48,789 --> 00:09:51,156
No, no, no, no, no,
no, no, no, no, no,
242
00:09:51,158 --> 00:09:53,158
no, no, no, no, no.
243
00:09:53,160 --> 00:09:55,327
Uh, this is Emily.
244
00:09:55,329 --> 00:09:56,361
Oscar's girlfriend.
245
00:09:56,363 --> 00:09:58,663
Oh.
246
00:09:58,665 --> 00:10:01,766
I didn't know
he was seeing anyone.
247
00:10:01,768 --> 00:10:05,236
Well...
248
00:10:05,238 --> 00:10:07,872
it's recent.
249
00:10:09,076 --> 00:10:11,776
Now, where is
that boyfriend of yours?
250
00:10:11,778 --> 00:10:14,045
Oscar!
OSCAR:
What is it, Felix?
251
00:10:14,047 --> 00:10:16,615
I'm kind of in the middle
of something. Oh, hey, Ashley.
252
00:10:16,617 --> 00:10:19,718
Oscar. I was just hearing
about your new romance.
253
00:10:19,720 --> 00:10:21,720
Oh, well, I wouldn't
call it a romance.
254
00:10:21,722 --> 00:10:24,089
But if I play my cards right,
I might get lucky tonight.
255
00:10:26,860 --> 00:10:30,028
Well, I feel like Emily
would have some say in that.
256
00:10:30,030 --> 00:10:32,797
Why? Last time I checked,
it wasn't up to her.
257
00:10:35,936 --> 00:10:38,770
Classy as ever, Oscar.
258
00:10:38,772 --> 00:10:41,339
I'll catch up
with you later.
259
00:10:41,341 --> 00:10:42,741
What's going on?
260
00:10:42,743 --> 00:10:44,342
Emily is now your date.
261
00:10:44,344 --> 00:10:45,810
What?! No! Why?
262
00:10:45,812 --> 00:10:46,878
Ashley didn't bring a date,
263
00:10:46,880 --> 00:10:48,113
she brought a sassy sidekick!
264
00:10:48,115 --> 00:10:50,649
So I get stuck with Emily?
No offense.
265
00:10:50,651 --> 00:10:52,183
Some taken.
266
00:10:52,185 --> 00:10:53,418
Don't you see what this means?
267
00:10:53,420 --> 00:10:54,886
Ashley hasn't moved on.
268
00:10:54,888 --> 00:10:56,755
I have to get some water.
269
00:10:56,757 --> 00:10:58,189
I'm feeling the flush of hope.
270
00:10:58,191 --> 00:11:00,025
All right, well,
keep a low profile.
271
00:11:00,027 --> 00:11:02,093
If Olivia thinks we're together,
it'll ruin everything.
272
00:11:02,095 --> 00:11:04,129
I missed my chance
with her in college.
273
00:11:04,131 --> 00:11:07,165
I'm not gonna let anything
stand in the way this time.
274
00:11:07,167 --> 00:11:08,800
Oscar Madison!
275
00:11:08,802 --> 00:11:11,136
Oh, my good God. Deena.
276
00:11:11,138 --> 00:11:13,138
Is this fate or what?
277
00:11:13,140 --> 00:11:14,873
Oscar and I
work together.
278
00:11:14,875 --> 00:11:18,376
Well, I'm an advertiser
on his show, but a big one!
279
00:11:18,378 --> 00:11:19,811
Too big to ignore.
280
00:11:19,813 --> 00:11:21,212
Oscar,
281
00:11:21,214 --> 00:11:22,447
I hear you're divorced.
282
00:11:22,449 --> 00:11:23,882
We always had this little
283
00:11:23,884 --> 00:11:26,151
"will they or won't they"
thing going on.
284
00:11:26,153 --> 00:11:28,753
Mostly won't.
(Deena laughs)
285
00:11:28,755 --> 00:11:29,988
Well, that's just because
286
00:11:29,990 --> 00:11:31,856
we were never single
at the same time.
287
00:11:31,858 --> 00:11:34,325
But now I guess
the question is:
288
00:11:34,327 --> 00:11:37,195
"When they?"
and "Where they?"
289
00:11:38,298 --> 00:11:40,765
Well, I think the answer
290
00:11:40,767 --> 00:11:43,468
has to be "never"
and "nowhere," because
291
00:11:43,470 --> 00:11:45,837
this is my fiancée, Emily.
292
00:11:48,408 --> 00:11:51,376
It's very recent.
293
00:11:56,817 --> 00:11:57,882
You're engaged?
Really?
294
00:11:57,884 --> 00:12:00,351
Yeah. I took a look
295
00:12:00,353 --> 00:12:04,089
at that little...
brown head and thought,
296
00:12:04,091 --> 00:12:05,390
"Sure. Why not?"
297
00:12:06,460 --> 00:12:09,994
And I have daddy
issues, so...
298
00:12:12,132 --> 00:12:13,131
(laughs)
299
00:12:13,133 --> 00:12:16,034
Well, bye, Deena.
300
00:12:17,504 --> 00:12:19,404
So now I'm your fiancée?
I had to shut her down,
301
00:12:19,406 --> 00:12:21,740
or she'd be all over me
in front of Olivia.
302
00:12:21,742 --> 00:12:23,308
Thanks for not busting me.
303
00:12:23,310 --> 00:12:26,144
No, thank you for promoting
my jewelry business
304
00:12:26,146 --> 00:12:28,513
on your radio
show next week.
305
00:12:28,515 --> 00:12:30,281
You're blackmailing me.
306
00:12:30,283 --> 00:12:31,850
I'm so impressed.
307
00:12:31,852 --> 00:12:34,285
I know. I did it
really good, right?
308
00:12:34,287 --> 00:12:35,353
Yeah.
(laughs)
309
00:12:38,358 --> 00:12:40,291
I'm sorry.
310
00:12:40,293 --> 00:12:44,763
It's called a centerpiece,
not a jarringly off-centerpiece.
311
00:12:44,765 --> 00:12:46,998
Felix?
312
00:12:47,000 --> 00:12:50,034
I thought living with Oscar
had loosened you up.
313
00:12:50,036 --> 00:12:52,303
Oh. Oh, it has.
314
00:12:52,305 --> 00:12:53,538
Mm.
315
00:12:53,540 --> 00:12:55,173
It's funny, things that
used to drive me crazy,
316
00:12:55,175 --> 00:12:56,541
I just don't even
notice anymore.
317
00:12:56,543 --> 00:12:59,544
So you won't care
if I do this?
318
00:13:06,920 --> 00:13:08,920
Not a bit.
319
00:13:08,922 --> 00:13:10,889
You're not gonna fix it
as soon as I walk away?
320
00:13:10,891 --> 00:13:12,857
No big dealio.
321
00:13:17,898 --> 00:13:20,098
Felix, I need to park
Emily here with you.
322
00:13:20,100 --> 00:13:23,935
Maybe there's a bike rack
you guys can chain me to.
323
00:13:23,937 --> 00:13:26,204
If Olivia thinks we're a
couple, I'll lose my shot.
324
00:13:26,206 --> 00:13:28,807
Also, did you
just wake up?
325
00:13:28,809 --> 00:13:32,577
Oscar, look, I feel
for you, I really do,
326
00:13:32,579 --> 00:13:34,879
but you promised that you would
talk me up to Ashley
327
00:13:34,881 --> 00:13:36,214
and convince her
that I've changed.
328
00:13:36,216 --> 00:13:38,349
Go! Now! (gasps)
329
00:13:38,351 --> 00:13:40,318
Tell her about the time
I ate nachos.
330
00:13:44,090 --> 00:13:48,059
So, tell me, Oscar,
how is Felix doing?
331
00:13:48,061 --> 00:13:51,095
Well, it was difficult at first.
He was in a pretty dark place.
332
00:13:51,097 --> 00:13:54,098
Hmm. Must have been.
He chose to live with you.
333
00:13:54,100 --> 00:13:56,568
(laughs) I forgot,
we don't like each other.
334
00:13:56,570 --> 00:13:59,437
No, but, Ashley,
he's really changed.
335
00:13:59,439 --> 00:14:02,440
He's, uh, really loosened up.
Whole new man. Nachos.
336
00:14:02,442 --> 00:14:05,109
He eats nachos. Olivia?
337
00:14:05,111 --> 00:14:07,212
Oscar, I've been
looking for you.
338
00:14:07,214 --> 00:14:09,347
I have a confession
to make.
339
00:14:09,349 --> 00:14:11,850
I was really hoping
you'd be here tonight.
340
00:14:11,852 --> 00:14:13,518
You were?
Yeah.
341
00:14:13,520 --> 00:14:15,286
Remember that
party in college?
342
00:14:15,288 --> 00:14:18,523
Seemed like you and I
almost... got together.
343
00:14:18,525 --> 00:14:20,525
God, I've thought
about that night a lot.
344
00:14:20,527 --> 00:14:22,360
Really?
345
00:14:22,362 --> 00:14:25,330
Well, maybe now is our
chance to make up for it.
346
00:14:25,332 --> 00:14:27,498
DEENA:
Oscar Madison!
347
00:14:27,500 --> 00:14:30,535
Deena. It's Deena.
348
00:14:30,537 --> 00:14:32,237
Where's your fiancée?
349
00:14:32,239 --> 00:14:34,472
No, no.
Fiancée?
350
00:14:34,474 --> 00:14:37,242
Oh, you haven't met her?
Oh, she's lovely.
351
00:14:37,244 --> 00:14:38,543
Oh, here she is.
Emily.
352
00:14:38,545 --> 00:14:41,346
I guess you forgot
to tell me about her.
353
00:14:41,348 --> 00:14:42,547
I'm Olivia.
354
00:14:42,549 --> 00:14:44,482
Congratulations
on your engagement.
355
00:14:44,484 --> 00:14:46,517
Good luck with this one.
356
00:14:46,519 --> 00:14:49,520
Wait. Oscar, you told her
that we're engaged?
357
00:14:49,522 --> 00:14:51,623
I thought you were gonna
tell her that you liked her.
358
00:14:51,625 --> 00:14:54,926
Oh. Now I see
what's going on here.
359
00:14:54,928 --> 00:14:58,897
You two...
have an open relationship.
360
00:14:58,899 --> 00:15:01,266
Room 284.
361
00:15:03,403 --> 00:15:04,903
Well, I'm kind of beat.
362
00:15:04,905 --> 00:15:06,638
You go ahead, honey.
363
00:15:19,019 --> 00:15:21,519
Okay, you've
made your point.
364
00:15:21,521 --> 00:15:24,188
Just let me
fix your hair.
365
00:15:24,190 --> 00:15:26,024
Oh, I had forgotten
all about that.
366
00:15:26,026 --> 00:15:28,092
But if it's driving you crazy
to the point
367
00:15:28,094 --> 00:15:30,061
where you can't think
of anything else, go ahead.
368
00:15:30,063 --> 00:15:31,429
(chuckles)
369
00:15:31,431 --> 00:15:33,064
Oh, you know what?
Oh, that's funny.
370
00:15:33,066 --> 00:15:34,365
Oh, here's a comb.
371
00:15:34,367 --> 00:15:36,167
Why don't I take a crack
at it there? (sighs)
372
00:15:36,169 --> 00:15:38,169
Hmm. There he is.
373
00:15:38,171 --> 00:15:40,104
There's the Felix
I remember.
374
00:15:40,106 --> 00:15:42,707
Chicken satay
with spicy Thai dipping sauce?
375
00:15:42,709 --> 00:15:45,109
Well, do you remember me
doing this?
376
00:15:47,380 --> 00:15:49,047
Whoop.
377
00:15:49,049 --> 00:15:51,582
Well, she did say
it was a tie dipping sauce.
378
00:15:51,584 --> 00:15:53,151
(laughs)
379
00:15:53,153 --> 00:15:54,385
Napkin?
380
00:15:54,387 --> 00:15:55,420
Mm, no.
381
00:15:55,422 --> 00:15:57,255
No need, no need.
382
00:15:57,257 --> 00:16:00,058
Mmm!
383
00:16:00,060 --> 00:16:01,993
Wow.
Mm-hmm.
384
00:16:01,995 --> 00:16:03,628
Old Felix would've
been thinking about
385
00:16:03,630 --> 00:16:07,131
all those microbes hiding in
the ridges of his fingertips.
386
00:16:12,005 --> 00:16:13,671
I won't lie to you.
387
00:16:13,673 --> 00:16:16,074
That did occur
to new Felix, as well.
388
00:16:17,344 --> 00:16:19,978
But life is short.
389
00:16:19,980 --> 00:16:23,081
Probably a little bit
shorter now.
390
00:16:23,083 --> 00:16:25,450
Well, good for you.
391
00:16:25,452 --> 00:16:27,986
You really are
trying to change.
392
00:16:33,693 --> 00:16:37,328
Can you believe Ashley stayed
married to him for 15 years?
393
00:16:37,330 --> 00:16:40,031
You mean Felix?
I mean, I love her,
394
00:16:40,033 --> 00:16:41,632
but the poor girl was
born without gay-dar.
395
00:16:41,634 --> 00:16:43,167
(humming)
396
00:16:47,507 --> 00:16:49,307
Olivia, can we please talk?
397
00:16:49,309 --> 00:16:52,543
Are you sure I won't be
keeping you from your fiancée?
398
00:16:52,545 --> 00:16:54,145
No, look, here's the thing.
399
00:16:54,147 --> 00:16:57,048
Emily's not really my fiancée.
That was just a cover.
400
00:16:57,050 --> 00:16:59,050
This woman's been chasing me,
and I didn't want
401
00:16:59,052 --> 00:17:01,486
to hurt her feelings,
so I lied about my situation.
402
00:17:01,488 --> 00:17:03,488
Oh. Then who is Emily?
403
00:17:03,490 --> 00:17:05,656
She lives in the apartment
above Felix and me.
404
00:17:05,658 --> 00:17:08,059
Wait. You and Felix
live together?
405
00:17:08,061 --> 00:17:10,561
Yeah, we hooked up
right after his divorce.
406
00:17:13,733 --> 00:17:15,333
Oh, now I get it.
407
00:17:15,335 --> 00:17:17,168
You and Felix. Wow!
408
00:17:17,170 --> 00:17:19,270
I did not
see that coming.
409
00:17:19,272 --> 00:17:20,738
Yeah. Neither did I.
410
00:17:20,740 --> 00:17:24,108
I mean, sure, we had
some fun in college, but...
411
00:17:24,110 --> 00:17:26,744
I never thought I'd be waking up
to that face every morning.
412
00:17:26,746 --> 00:17:29,147
Well, I am
happy for you.
413
00:17:29,149 --> 00:17:32,050
Oh, thank you. And, listen,
I'm sorry about lying earlier.
414
00:17:32,052 --> 00:17:35,686
If there's anyone I wanted
to be straight with, it's you.
415
00:17:38,058 --> 00:17:40,324
Felix, if you're going
to invite a girl to a wedding,
416
00:17:40,326 --> 00:17:42,627
the least you could do is
ask her to dance.
417
00:17:42,629 --> 00:17:44,662
You're absolutely right.
418
00:17:44,664 --> 00:17:46,297
Emily, may I
have this dance?
419
00:17:46,299 --> 00:17:47,398
You may.
420
00:17:52,072 --> 00:17:54,806
I'm really happy that you
moved into the building.
421
00:17:54,808 --> 00:17:57,308
Me, too. It's been nice
getting to know you.
422
00:17:57,310 --> 00:17:59,177
Opening all of your jars.
423
00:17:59,179 --> 00:18:01,245
(laughs)
424
00:18:01,247 --> 00:18:06,250
Isn't it funny how everything
has to line up just right
425
00:18:06,252 --> 00:18:07,752
to bring two
people together?
426
00:18:07,754 --> 00:18:10,121
I mean, all
the things that
427
00:18:10,123 --> 00:18:13,858
had to happen so you
and I would end up here.
428
00:18:13,860 --> 00:18:15,860
I-I'm sorry.
What were you saying?
429
00:18:15,862 --> 00:18:17,662
I was a little bit distracted.
430
00:18:19,265 --> 00:18:21,532
I was saying,
431
00:18:21,534 --> 00:18:25,369
thank you for
this dance, Felix.
432
00:18:25,371 --> 00:18:27,472
Now, why don't you go
dance with your wife?
433
00:18:27,474 --> 00:18:29,273
I think I will.
434
00:18:29,275 --> 00:18:31,242
Thank you
for everything, Emily.
435
00:18:31,244 --> 00:18:34,112
You're a good friend.
436
00:18:34,114 --> 00:18:36,247
(upbeat rock and roll song
playing)
437
00:18:38,184 --> 00:18:40,284
What?
The song.
438
00:18:40,286 --> 00:18:41,619
I don't do fast dancing.
439
00:18:41,621 --> 00:18:43,754
But, Felix, it's easy.
Just, um...
440
00:18:43,756 --> 00:18:46,257
Just loosen
your shoulders and...
441
00:18:46,259 --> 00:18:48,226
and unlock your hips.
442
00:18:48,228 --> 00:18:50,561
Wow. Nothing is happening.
443
00:18:50,563 --> 00:18:53,731
Okay, um... oh, uh, why don't
you grab your wife's hand
444
00:18:53,733 --> 00:18:57,635
and spin her around
like a Dyson ball vacuum?
445
00:18:57,637 --> 00:18:59,270
I can do that.
Okay.
446
00:18:59,272 --> 00:19:01,606
Ashley?
447
00:19:01,608 --> 00:19:04,342
May I have this dance
for old times' sake?
448
00:19:04,344 --> 00:19:06,511
Isn't this music a
little fast for you?
449
00:19:06,513 --> 00:19:09,647
(laughs):
Oh, the faster the better.
450
00:19:09,649 --> 00:19:11,582
Oh. (laughs)
451
00:19:11,584 --> 00:19:13,184
Oh, wow!
452
00:19:13,186 --> 00:19:16,287
Where did this
come from?
453
00:19:16,289 --> 00:19:19,190
I've unlocked my hips,
and I threw away the key!
Oh.
454
00:19:20,560 --> 00:19:22,860
Hey, I'm all done
with pictures.
455
00:19:22,862 --> 00:19:24,896
Oh, great. I hear
there's this terrific view
456
00:19:24,898 --> 00:19:27,265
from the rooftop bar if you
want to go check it out.
457
00:19:27,267 --> 00:19:28,900
(loud, guttural groaning)
Is Felix okay?
458
00:19:28,902 --> 00:19:30,535
What's wrong?
Throat's closed.
459
00:19:30,537 --> 00:19:31,869
Allergic reaction.
460
00:19:31,871 --> 00:19:34,872
Dipping sauce
must have had cumin!
461
00:19:34,874 --> 00:19:36,574
What happened?
462
00:19:36,576 --> 00:19:39,310
In-in my coat pocket...
you will find an...
463
00:19:39,312 --> 00:19:40,244
(grunts)
464
00:19:40,246 --> 00:19:42,246
(screams)
465
00:19:42,248 --> 00:19:43,514
(sighs)
466
00:19:43,516 --> 00:19:44,715
EpiPen.
467
00:19:44,717 --> 00:19:46,584
Oh.
It's okay.
468
00:19:46,586 --> 00:19:48,286
He'll be fine now.
469
00:19:48,288 --> 00:19:49,787
I'll go get you
some water.
470
00:19:49,789 --> 00:19:51,255
Thank you.
471
00:19:51,257 --> 00:19:52,890
(both sigh)
472
00:19:52,892 --> 00:19:54,959
Oh, Ashley.
473
00:19:54,961 --> 00:19:57,895
You never stopped
carrying my EpiPen.
474
00:19:57,897 --> 00:19:59,397
You still care.
475
00:19:59,399 --> 00:20:02,233
Oh, Felix, we were
married for 15 years.
476
00:20:02,235 --> 00:20:03,734
Of course I care.
477
00:20:03,736 --> 00:20:07,438
It's just living with
you that drove me crazy.
478
00:20:08,408 --> 00:20:10,575
Even if I've changed?
479
00:20:10,577 --> 00:20:14,278
I think it's great that
you're trying to change,
480
00:20:14,280 --> 00:20:16,881
but you can't
do it for me.
481
00:20:16,883 --> 00:20:18,516
Can't think of
a better reason.
482
00:20:20,253 --> 00:20:23,854
You're a sweet, strange
man, Felix Unger.
483
00:20:30,296 --> 00:20:32,330
Well, Ashley may
not want you back,
484
00:20:32,332 --> 00:20:33,798
but she doesn't want
you dead either,
485
00:20:33,800 --> 00:20:35,566
so that's
something, right?
486
00:20:35,568 --> 00:20:37,435
I don't know
what I was thinking,
487
00:20:37,437 --> 00:20:39,303
pretending to be
someone I'm not.
488
00:20:39,305 --> 00:20:41,272
I made the same mistake
with Olivia, buddy boy.
489
00:20:41,274 --> 00:20:42,607
But I think I
cleared the air,
490
00:20:42,609 --> 00:20:45,276
and she's seeing me
in a whole new light.
491
00:20:45,278 --> 00:20:46,911
Is he okay?
492
00:20:46,913 --> 00:20:48,346
Yeah, but I should
get him home.
493
00:20:48,348 --> 00:20:50,448
Can we have
that drink tomorrow?
494
00:20:50,450 --> 00:20:53,384
No, I fly out in the morning.
But maybe next time I'm in town.
495
00:20:53,386 --> 00:20:56,387
We can go shopping
or see a show.
496
00:20:57,323 --> 00:21:00,524
Uh... okay.
497
00:21:01,594 --> 00:21:03,361
Olivia, I want you to know,
498
00:21:03,363 --> 00:21:08,366
this is the sweetest, kindest,
most loving man on Earth.
499
00:21:08,368 --> 00:21:11,569
Stop it, Felix. You're
embarrassing me. Let's go home.
500
00:21:11,571 --> 00:21:13,571
Captioning sponsored by
CBS
501
00:21:13,573 --> 00:21:15,640
Captioned by
Media Access Group at WGBH
access.wgbh.org