1
00:00:01,669 --> 00:00:03,736
(cello playing in distance)
2
00:00:23,724 --> 00:00:26,725
Felix, what the hell
are you doing?
3
00:00:26,727 --> 00:00:30,696
Playing George Frideric Handel's
theme from Water Music.
4
00:00:30,698 --> 00:00:32,765
Well, duh.
5
00:00:32,767 --> 00:00:35,167
Why are you doing it
at 3:00 in the morning?
6
00:00:35,169 --> 00:00:36,802
And why are you wearing
my Jonathan Toews jersey?
7
00:00:36,804 --> 00:00:39,571
I was chilly.
8
00:00:39,573 --> 00:00:41,273
You know,
he wore that in a game.
9
00:00:41,275 --> 00:00:43,475
It's covered in blood,
sweat and Zamboni fumes.
10
00:00:43,477 --> 00:00:45,077
(bell dings)
11
00:00:45,079 --> 00:00:47,246
(whispers):
Shh. My cake is ready.
12
00:00:47,248 --> 00:00:49,314
(doorbell rings)
13
00:00:49,316 --> 00:00:51,383
What the hell is happening?
14
00:00:54,255 --> 00:00:56,321
Oh, hey, Oscar.
Did I wake you?
15
00:00:56,323 --> 00:00:59,324
No, I'm always up at this
hour to milk the cows,
16
00:00:59,326 --> 00:01:01,827
make sure Ma's
warming the griddle.
17
00:01:01,829 --> 00:01:03,629
I just came
to see if Felix is okay.
18
00:01:03,631 --> 00:01:06,231
He just sent me
a weird text
19
00:01:06,233 --> 00:01:07,499
inviting me to a party.
20
00:01:07,501 --> 00:01:09,368
Are you wearing lipstick?
21
00:01:09,370 --> 00:01:12,471
I was invited to a party.
22
00:01:13,507 --> 00:01:15,507
Who wants cake?
23
00:01:15,509 --> 00:01:18,243
I wish he'd asked
me 20 minutes ago.
24
00:01:18,245 --> 00:01:20,245
I just finished a pie.
25
00:01:20,247 --> 00:01:22,314
I'm really starting
to get concerned about him.
26
00:01:22,316 --> 00:01:25,317
EMILY: Oh, I think
I know what's happening.
27
00:01:25,319 --> 00:01:27,119
Felix told me that he
hasn't been sleeping well,
28
00:01:27,121 --> 00:01:28,720
and so I gave him
a sleeping pill.
29
00:01:28,722 --> 00:01:31,356
I told him to only take
half, but maybe he needed
30
00:01:31,358 --> 00:01:34,460
the whole thing because
he's, you know, so much man.
31
00:01:35,830 --> 00:01:38,530
What kind of pill
are you on?
32
00:01:38,532 --> 00:01:41,400
And if Felix took a sleeping
pill, why isn't he sleeping?
33
00:01:43,771 --> 00:01:46,271
I think that he is.
34
00:01:46,273 --> 00:01:48,207
A lot of people
who take those pills,
35
00:01:48,209 --> 00:01:49,741
they act like they're awake
but they're not.
36
00:01:49,743 --> 00:01:51,743
And later they have
no idea what happened.
37
00:01:57,284 --> 00:01:58,684
So he won't remember
any of this?
38
00:02:00,254 --> 00:02:01,620
Felix, I used
39
00:02:01,622 --> 00:02:03,555
your electric toothbrush
to massage my feet.
40
00:02:06,327 --> 00:02:08,894
I got to get a picture of
this, or he won't believe it.
41
00:02:10,364 --> 00:02:12,798
Poor guy. I had no idea his
insomnia had gotten that bad.
42
00:02:12,800 --> 00:02:14,666
Maybe the divorce is finally
catching up with him.
43
00:02:14,668 --> 00:02:16,235
Sprinkles.
44
00:02:16,237 --> 00:02:18,303
This cake needs sprinkles.
45
00:02:19,340 --> 00:02:21,306
(humming tune)
46
00:02:21,308 --> 00:02:23,775
Maybe they're down here.
EMILY: Oh!
47
00:02:23,777 --> 00:02:27,212
That's naked.
Naked butt.
48
00:02:27,214 --> 00:02:29,281
Well, now it's a party.
49
00:02:54,909 --> 00:02:56,742
Chris Webber is coming by this
afternoon for his interview,
50
00:02:56,744 --> 00:02:58,677
so ask him about
his charity work
51
00:02:58,679 --> 00:03:02,481
and being an
NBA All-Star...
(yawning)
52
00:03:02,483 --> 00:03:04,483
I know I have a
soothing voice,
53
00:03:04,485 --> 00:03:06,652
but that is hurtful.
54
00:03:06,654 --> 00:03:08,320
Sorry.
Felix was sleepwalking,
55
00:03:08,322 --> 00:03:10,322
so I was up
all night babysitting.
56
00:03:10,324 --> 00:03:14,326
There is not one hour in the day
that guy does not annoy me.
57
00:03:14,328 --> 00:03:16,428
Well, help is
on the way.
58
00:03:16,430 --> 00:03:18,664
Per your request, your loyal
assistant went to Chinatown
59
00:03:18,666 --> 00:03:20,933
and got you some of that
special energy tonic you like.
60
00:03:20,935 --> 00:03:22,668
Great. This stuff is terrific.
61
00:03:22,670 --> 00:03:25,270
It's a blend of gingko,
goji berries and cobra blood.
62
00:03:27,274 --> 00:03:30,242
It's Dr. Pepper and a packet
of fajita seasoning.
63
00:03:30,244 --> 00:03:31,910
(whoops)
I'm feeling it already!
64
00:03:33,280 --> 00:03:34,880
Oscar, perhaps
you wouldn't mind
65
00:03:34,882 --> 00:03:36,415
explaining to me
how your foul-smelling
66
00:03:36,417 --> 00:03:40,219
athletic costume found its way
into my room last night.
67
00:03:40,221 --> 00:03:42,921
It rode in on your back.
You were wearing it last night.
68
00:03:42,923 --> 00:03:45,224
(laughs)
And tomorrow I shall parade
69
00:03:45,226 --> 00:03:47,226
down the bowery in flip-flops.
70
00:03:47,228 --> 00:03:50,762
That pill Emily gave you
made you sleepwalk.
71
00:03:50,764 --> 00:03:53,765
Oh, please. I've never in my
entire life... Oh, my good God.
72
00:03:53,767 --> 00:03:56,468
I'd recognize those perfectly
symmetrical buttocks anywhere.
73
00:03:56,470 --> 00:03:57,703
Look at this.
74
00:03:57,705 --> 00:03:59,771
Oh, man, you are white.
75
00:04:01,709 --> 00:04:03,842
It's like
two aspirins kissing.
76
00:04:06,347 --> 00:04:08,347
I-I can't believe it.
I was just stumbling around
77
00:04:08,349 --> 00:04:10,249
semi-conscious
in the middle of the night?
78
00:04:10,251 --> 00:04:12,517
I know. That's my thing.
79
00:04:12,519 --> 00:04:14,953
What else did I do? Was I also
brushing my teeth for hours?
80
00:04:14,955 --> 00:04:17,022
'Cause the battery
was totally run down.
81
00:04:18,993 --> 00:04:21,827
Yes. Yes, you were.
82
00:04:21,829 --> 00:04:23,295
Felix, I'm impressed.
83
00:04:23,297 --> 00:04:27,032
Objects in the photo are
firmer than they appear.
84
00:04:27,034 --> 00:04:29,334
Thank you.
I inherited the Unger butt.
85
00:04:29,336 --> 00:04:31,336
It was the envy of everyone
on the Mayflower.
86
00:04:31,338 --> 00:04:33,805
Now... will you
delete it, please?
87
00:04:33,807 --> 00:04:35,674
You know what you need?
Dani's got this herbalist
88
00:04:35,676 --> 00:04:37,342
who makes this great
sleep tonic.
89
00:04:37,344 --> 00:04:39,678
It's a blend of kava root
and turtle beak.
90
00:04:39,680 --> 00:04:42,581
It's Diet Squirt.
91
00:04:42,583 --> 00:04:44,349
No, it won't work.
Nothing works.
92
00:04:44,351 --> 00:04:47,319
The only thing that ever helped
me sleep was my favorite pillow,
93
00:04:47,321 --> 00:04:49,388
and I... I left it behind
when I moved out.
94
00:04:49,390 --> 00:04:50,722
Well, can't you get
a new one, he asked,
95
00:04:50,724 --> 00:04:53,392
knowing he'd get a long,
slow, boring answer?
96
00:04:53,394 --> 00:04:55,727
No, that one was
perfectly broken in.
97
00:04:55,729 --> 00:04:57,396
It was as soft as a baby's cheek
98
00:04:57,398 --> 00:04:59,598
and as firm as a nun
teaching gym class.
99
00:04:59,600 --> 00:05:03,001
Ooh, that's a hell
of a pillow.
100
00:05:03,003 --> 00:05:04,836
Why don't you
just go get it?
101
00:05:04,838 --> 00:05:06,838
I can't.
Last week, Ashley imposed
102
00:05:06,840 --> 00:05:08,840
a 30-day moratorium
on any contact whatsoever.
103
00:05:08,842 --> 00:05:10,575
No phone calls, no visits.
104
00:05:10,577 --> 00:05:12,778
Why would she do that?
You guys are already separated.
105
00:05:12,780 --> 00:05:14,946
I don't know. For some reason,
she was under the impression
106
00:05:14,948 --> 00:05:17,349
that I was making up
reasons to drop by.
107
00:05:18,352 --> 00:05:19,651
It's the 15th of the month;
108
00:05:19,653 --> 00:05:21,453
I'm here to check
your smoke detectors.
109
00:05:22,056 --> 00:05:23,922
The new Woody Allen movie?
110
00:05:23,924 --> 00:05:25,590
Don't even bother.
111
00:05:25,592 --> 00:05:27,859
I bought too many nectarines.
112
00:05:27,861 --> 00:05:29,428
Do you need nectarines?
113
00:05:29,430 --> 00:05:32,030
Guess who I'm going to be
for Halloween?
114
00:05:33,967 --> 00:05:35,334
Frida Kahlo!
115
00:05:35,336 --> 00:05:37,969
The good news is
only 22 days to go.
116
00:05:37,971 --> 00:05:39,471
Unless I break the pact,
117
00:05:39,473 --> 00:05:42,407
which activates
a 15-day penalty phase.
118
00:05:43,677 --> 00:05:46,111
It's a dance.
119
00:05:46,113 --> 00:05:48,480
Felix, do you ever think
this little moratorium
120
00:05:48,482 --> 00:05:50,782
is Ashley's way of telling
you you need to move on?
121
00:05:50,784 --> 00:05:52,517
Why do you keep saying that?
Because I'm your friend
122
00:05:52,519 --> 00:05:54,720
and I think you'll be happier
if you know the facts.
123
00:05:54,722 --> 00:05:57,356
I'm sorry I'm throwing a lot
of truth at you right now,
124
00:05:57,358 --> 00:05:59,358
but I got this tonic
pumping through me!
125
00:05:59,360 --> 00:06:00,892
The fact is you don't know
what's going on with Ashley,
126
00:06:00,894 --> 00:06:02,361
I don't know what's
going on with Ashley.
127
00:06:02,363 --> 00:06:03,862
Anything is possible.
128
00:06:03,864 --> 00:06:05,464
You don't know, or you
don't want to know?
129
00:06:05,466 --> 00:06:07,132
Maybe this is why
you're up all night.
130
00:06:07,134 --> 00:06:09,067
I just need my pillow.
131
00:06:09,069 --> 00:06:10,702
(both laughing)
132
00:06:10,704 --> 00:06:12,471
Look at this-- with
the sepia filter,
133
00:06:12,473 --> 00:06:14,740
it looks like an
old-timey butt.
134
00:06:14,742 --> 00:06:16,875
TEDDY:
Now do a slow zoom.
135
00:06:16,877 --> 00:06:20,412
Oh, now it looks like
a Ken Burns documentary.
136
00:06:20,414 --> 00:06:23,448
The American Butt.
137
00:06:23,450 --> 00:06:24,783
Guys, put that away.
138
00:06:24,785 --> 00:06:26,518
Felix is exhausted.
He's hitting bottom.
139
00:06:28,722 --> 00:06:31,490
That was unintentional,
which makes it funnier.
140
00:06:31,492 --> 00:06:32,608
FELIX:
Well, I'm glad
141
00:06:32,609 --> 00:06:33,725
you can all laugh at my pain,
142
00:06:33,727 --> 00:06:35,460
because I have not slept
in five days.
143
00:06:35,462 --> 00:06:36,495
(screams) Cat!
144
00:06:36,497 --> 00:06:38,029
(exclaims)
145
00:06:39,733 --> 00:06:41,433
Felix, you're
hallucinating.
146
00:06:41,435 --> 00:06:42,834
We got to get
you that pillow.
147
00:06:42,836 --> 00:06:46,438
I told you, I can't have
any contact with Ashley.
148
00:06:46,440 --> 00:06:49,174
Or that cat. I'm allergic.
149
00:06:49,176 --> 00:06:51,443
Well, just go over there
when she's not home.
150
00:06:51,445 --> 00:06:54,446
If I don't see her,
it's not breaking the pact.
151
00:06:54,448 --> 00:06:56,415
Today's Wednesday.
She has yoga on Wednesday.
152
00:06:56,417 --> 00:06:57,983
Great. I'll go with you.
We can't have you
153
00:06:57,985 --> 00:06:59,785
wandering the streets
in an altered state,
154
00:06:59,787 --> 00:07:01,620
because... that's
also my thing.
155
00:07:01,622 --> 00:07:03,655
All right,
156
00:07:03,657 --> 00:07:05,891
I will go change. Don't want
to go out looking like a bum.
157
00:07:07,661 --> 00:07:09,861
(chuckling)
158
00:07:09,863 --> 00:07:12,464
Bum.
159
00:07:12,466 --> 00:07:14,733
(British accent):
That's British for butt.
160
00:07:15,569 --> 00:07:17,469
(laughing)
161
00:07:19,706 --> 00:07:21,072
Damn it.
162
00:07:21,074 --> 00:07:22,541
Maurice is
working today.
163
00:07:22,543 --> 00:07:24,209
If he sees me,
he'll tell Ashley.
164
00:07:24,211 --> 00:07:25,577
Just slip him a 20.
165
00:07:25,579 --> 00:07:27,179
No, no, no, no,
he hates me.
166
00:07:27,181 --> 00:07:30,916
Ever since I convinced the board
to add a cape to his uniform.
167
00:07:30,918 --> 00:07:34,186
You created your own
arch-villain: Door-Man.
168
00:07:34,188 --> 00:07:36,588
All right, fine,
we'll just go around back
169
00:07:36,590 --> 00:07:38,457
and use the service elevator.
170
00:07:38,459 --> 00:07:40,459
And then we'll...
171
00:07:40,461 --> 00:07:43,462
do a series of ninja moves
to get through the laser field,
172
00:07:43,464 --> 00:07:45,464
and the jewels will be ours.
173
00:07:45,466 --> 00:07:47,065
Too much?
174
00:07:47,067 --> 00:07:48,934
You're just lucky
I'm too tired to hit you.
175
00:07:50,237 --> 00:07:52,471
Oh, look,
I got my second wind.
176
00:07:56,944 --> 00:07:58,543
Okay, here's the drill.
177
00:07:58,545 --> 00:07:59,945
We get in, we get out.
178
00:07:59,947 --> 00:08:02,214
No one can know
we're here.
179
00:08:03,250 --> 00:08:04,683
MAN:
Hey, can you hold that?
180
00:08:04,685 --> 00:08:05,984
Be cool, just be cool.
181
00:08:05,986 --> 00:08:08,053
Is the opposite
of what cool people say.
182
00:08:13,160 --> 00:08:15,160
How's it going?
183
00:08:15,162 --> 00:08:18,563
Good. Good.
184
00:08:18,565 --> 00:08:22,200
Good day to be
an electrician.
185
00:08:22,202 --> 00:08:25,103
Which my friend and
I here both are.
186
00:08:27,975 --> 00:08:31,643
Simple men working hard
for an honest day's wage.
187
00:08:33,814 --> 00:08:35,614
I'm Jim.
188
00:08:35,616 --> 00:08:37,849
Friends call
me Jimbo.
189
00:08:37,851 --> 00:08:39,918
This fellow here
is McTavish.
190
00:08:41,855 --> 00:08:45,056
He's a Scottish gent,
isn't that right?
191
00:08:45,058 --> 00:08:47,692
Aye.
192
00:08:47,694 --> 00:08:49,694
Yep, we're all about
doing our work,
193
00:08:49,696 --> 00:08:51,096
tossing back a
few brewskis,
194
00:08:51,098 --> 00:08:53,632
and then going
home to the wives.
195
00:08:53,634 --> 00:08:54,866
Who happen to
be sisters.
196
00:08:54,868 --> 00:08:56,902
And then McTavish
here volunteered
197
00:08:56,904 --> 00:08:59,671
one of his
wife's eggs.
198
00:08:59,673 --> 00:09:01,706
And we were lucky enough to
have little Jimbo Junior.
199
00:09:01,708 --> 00:09:04,709
Who technically is my
nephew as well as my son.
200
00:09:06,246 --> 00:09:08,179
Whew, that was close.
201
00:09:08,181 --> 00:09:11,249
Yeah, for a minute there, he
almost thought we weren't crazy.
202
00:09:19,092 --> 00:09:21,092
My God, will you look
at this place.
203
00:09:21,094 --> 00:09:23,595
Magazines haven't been fanned,
pillows haven't been plumped.
204
00:09:23,597 --> 00:09:26,665
She's living
like a transient.
205
00:09:26,667 --> 00:09:28,233
And she's gonna be back
soon. Let's move it.
206
00:09:29,836 --> 00:09:31,269
(gasps)
207
00:09:31,271 --> 00:09:33,038
Ashley's yoga mat.
208
00:09:33,040 --> 00:09:34,673
I thought she had class.
209
00:09:34,675 --> 00:09:35,607
Is she still here?
210
00:09:35,609 --> 00:09:36,908
I don't know.
211
00:09:38,845 --> 00:09:41,580
I feel like we should have
hidden before we froze.
212
00:09:43,650 --> 00:09:45,784
(imitates bird cawing)
213
00:09:45,786 --> 00:09:48,153
I think she's
not here.
214
00:09:48,155 --> 00:09:51,623
Unless she resisted her
natural urge to "ca-caw" back.
215
00:09:51,625 --> 00:09:53,191
(cell phone vibrates)
216
00:09:53,193 --> 00:09:55,260
(sensual music plays)
217
00:09:57,197 --> 00:10:00,365
Teddy put your butt pic
to music.
218
00:10:00,367 --> 00:10:02,867
God, it's like
two lightbulbs dancing.
219
00:10:02,869 --> 00:10:05,770
Just go grab the pillow,
and let's get out of here.
220
00:10:19,720 --> 00:10:22,087
Got it. I missed you.
221
00:10:22,089 --> 00:10:24,689
You're gonna stay
at Daddy's house.
222
00:10:24,691 --> 00:10:26,691
What is this?
223
00:10:26,693 --> 00:10:28,393
That? Oh.
224
00:10:28,395 --> 00:10:30,261
Uh, just a photo book
225
00:10:30,263 --> 00:10:32,364
Ashley made
of our last trip to Bear Lake.
226
00:10:32,366 --> 00:10:34,165
The trip you and I used to take
227
00:10:34,167 --> 00:10:35,367
with our wives
every single year?
228
00:10:35,369 --> 00:10:37,168
Uh, yeah, that's the one.
229
00:10:37,170 --> 00:10:38,903
Ready? We should skedaddle.
230
00:10:38,905 --> 00:10:41,673
Why is there a picture of you
and Ashley and my ex-wife
231
00:10:41,675 --> 00:10:44,242
with a guy who's--
oh, how do I describe him?--
232
00:10:44,244 --> 00:10:46,177
not me?
233
00:10:46,179 --> 00:10:48,747
Well, I don't know.
234
00:10:48,749 --> 00:10:50,849
Perhaps he was the innkeeper.
235
00:10:50,851 --> 00:10:54,052
Or... an aggressive photobomber.
236
00:10:54,054 --> 00:10:56,388
He has his arms
around Gaby's waist.
237
00:10:56,390 --> 00:10:58,657
I said "aggressive."
238
00:10:58,659 --> 00:11:00,759
Felix.
Okay, fine.
239
00:11:00,761 --> 00:11:02,260
After you and Gaby separated,
240
00:11:02,262 --> 00:11:04,262
she started dating
a man named Paolo,
241
00:11:04,264 --> 00:11:06,398
and she brought him
with us on the trip.
242
00:11:06,400 --> 00:11:07,999
And we're off.
243
00:11:08,001 --> 00:11:09,434
You said you and
Ashley went alone,
244
00:11:09,436 --> 00:11:11,336
and you clearly did not.
245
00:11:11,338 --> 00:11:14,739
And did he steal this jaw
from Superman?!
246
00:11:14,741 --> 00:11:16,441
Oscar, why are you getting
so worked up?
247
00:11:16,443 --> 00:11:17,842
You should be thanking me.
248
00:11:17,844 --> 00:11:19,878
For what?
I was sparing your feelings.
249
00:11:19,880 --> 00:11:22,280
You lied to me.
You're a liar and a hider
250
00:11:22,282 --> 00:11:23,848
and a secret trip taker!
251
00:11:23,850 --> 00:11:25,450
I was trying
to be a good friend.
252
00:11:25,452 --> 00:11:27,852
If you were a good friend, you
would have been honest with me.
253
00:11:27,854 --> 00:11:30,088
Fine. Paolo was a 28-year-old
254
00:11:30,090 --> 00:11:32,991
Brazilian gymnast
with family money.
255
00:11:32,993 --> 00:11:35,060
Well, not that honest.
256
00:11:40,067 --> 00:11:42,067
(both arguing quietly)
257
00:11:42,069 --> 00:11:44,002
Great, you got your pillow.
258
00:11:44,004 --> 00:11:46,871
Also known as "Exhibit A"
when I use it to smother Felix.
259
00:11:46,873 --> 00:11:48,306
Oscar, you're acting
like a child!
260
00:11:48,308 --> 00:11:50,075
Oh, am I?
261
00:11:50,077 --> 00:11:52,744
Why don't you go live
with your best friend Paolo?!
262
00:11:52,746 --> 00:11:54,746
Oscar, you shouldn't
be jealous.
263
00:11:54,748 --> 00:11:56,414
Gaby and Paolo
dated for a month.
264
00:11:56,416 --> 00:11:58,750
This is not about them.
This is about you and me.
265
00:11:58,752 --> 00:12:00,418
And you hung out with my ex-wife
and some other guy,
266
00:12:00,420 --> 00:12:01,920
and you kept it from me.
267
00:12:01,922 --> 00:12:03,455
And you know who does that?
A bad friend!
268
00:12:03,457 --> 00:12:06,091
How dare you call
me a bad friend?!
269
00:12:06,093 --> 00:12:08,226
Bad friend!
270
00:12:08,228 --> 00:12:09,461
Who's a bad friend?
271
00:12:10,931 --> 00:12:12,397
TEDDY:
Uh, Oscar, Chris Webber's here.
272
00:12:12,399 --> 00:12:14,299
Oh, hey, Chris. Nice to see you.
I'll be right with you.
273
00:12:14,301 --> 00:12:16,134
You're a bad friend because
you didn't tell me the truth!
274
00:12:16,136 --> 00:12:18,303
The truth would have
destroyed you!
Well, at least
275
00:12:18,305 --> 00:12:20,138
I wouldn't have wasted months
holding out hope
276
00:12:20,140 --> 00:12:21,940
for Gaby and me.
I could have moved on sooner.
277
00:12:21,942 --> 00:12:23,475
Who is Gaby?
Oscar's ex.
278
00:12:23,477 --> 00:12:25,944
Very pretty,
bit of a temper.
279
00:12:25,946 --> 00:12:27,278
Oscar, I'm tired
of arguing.
280
00:12:27,280 --> 00:12:29,147
I'm taking my pillow
and going to sleep.
281
00:12:29,149 --> 00:12:31,950
Uh, can we wrap this up?
Because Chris only has an hour.
282
00:12:31,952 --> 00:12:34,018
Well, hold on.
I want to see how this ends.
283
00:12:34,020 --> 00:12:36,121
You mean the pillow I helped you
get because I'm a good friend?
284
00:12:36,123 --> 00:12:37,989
You don't deserve that pillow.
Give me it!
285
00:12:37,991 --> 00:12:39,257
No...
Give me it.
286
00:12:39,259 --> 00:12:41,126
Why is the little guy
so troubled?
287
00:12:41,128 --> 00:12:43,194
He's cranky.
He needs a nap.
288
00:12:43,196 --> 00:12:45,497
Give me that.
Hold it high, Chris!
289
00:12:55,475 --> 00:12:57,208
Okay, Oscar, can we please
do the interview now?
290
00:12:57,210 --> 00:12:58,543
Ha!
291
00:13:03,350 --> 00:13:06,151
And with that,
I bid you good night.
292
00:13:07,521 --> 00:13:10,288
You got to work on
those turnovers, man.
293
00:13:10,290 --> 00:13:12,390
Can we stop with the pillow
fights and do the interview?
294
00:13:12,392 --> 00:13:16,127
Yeah. Sorry about that. I got
all the questions on my phone...
295
00:13:16,129 --> 00:13:19,164
Oh, no, I forgot my
phone at Ashley's place.
296
00:13:19,166 --> 00:13:21,232
Who's Ashley?
The little guy's ex.
297
00:13:21,234 --> 00:13:23,234
What was he doing there?
I know. Right?
298
00:13:23,236 --> 00:13:24,402
TEDDY:
Oscar, you're leaving?
299
00:13:24,404 --> 00:13:26,304
I have to.
If Ashley finds the phone,
300
00:13:26,306 --> 00:13:28,006
she'll know we broke
into the apartment.
301
00:13:28,008 --> 00:13:29,174
Hang in. I'll be back in ten.
302
00:13:31,545 --> 00:13:33,411
Want to see a
picture of a butt?
303
00:13:33,413 --> 00:13:34,412
Yeah.
304
00:13:34,414 --> 00:13:36,481
(both laughing)
305
00:13:50,297 --> 00:13:52,597
Oh, hey, um,
McTavish, isn't it?
306
00:13:52,599 --> 00:13:55,967
(Scottish accent):
Aye.
307
00:13:55,969 --> 00:13:57,268
I'm glad I ran into you.
308
00:13:57,270 --> 00:13:59,037
I-I got an electrical question.
309
00:13:59,039 --> 00:14:02,106
(Scottish accent):
Great.
310
00:14:02,108 --> 00:14:04,008
I'm doing work in 8-B.
311
00:14:04,010 --> 00:14:06,010
Now, if I've shut the
breakers off at the source
312
00:14:06,012 --> 00:14:07,879
and the floors are
running in series,
313
00:14:07,881 --> 00:14:10,381
do I have to worry about
ground wires in a junction box?
314
00:14:10,383 --> 00:14:13,551
Nay?
315
00:14:13,553 --> 00:14:16,187
Thanks.
316
00:14:21,061 --> 00:14:23,528
(knocking)
317
00:14:30,237 --> 00:14:32,270
(key jingling in lock,
laughter)
318
00:14:32,272 --> 00:14:34,405
ASHLEY:
I know.
319
00:14:34,407 --> 00:14:37,642
You know, I'm not crazy
about eating with my hands,
320
00:14:37,644 --> 00:14:39,911
but turns out, I
like Ethiopian food.
321
00:14:39,913 --> 00:14:41,312
Where did you
find that place?
322
00:14:41,314 --> 00:14:43,281
I read about it
on a blog.
Oh.
323
00:14:43,283 --> 00:14:45,984
I like having a boyfriend
who tries new places.
324
00:14:45,986 --> 00:14:47,452
(kissing)
325
00:14:47,454 --> 00:14:49,087
Oh, your place looks great.
326
00:14:49,089 --> 00:14:51,022
You must have
one hell of a decorator.
327
00:14:51,024 --> 00:14:52,023
I did.
328
00:14:52,025 --> 00:14:53,224
We're getting divorced.
329
00:14:53,226 --> 00:14:55,660
Take off your coat.
330
00:14:55,662 --> 00:14:58,096
How about a
glass of wine?
331
00:14:58,098 --> 00:14:59,464
Sure. I'll give you a hand.
332
00:15:08,174 --> 00:15:10,174
ASHLEY:
Oh, I forgot the glasses.
333
00:15:10,176 --> 00:15:11,643
They're on the bar.
334
00:15:11,645 --> 00:15:13,912
BILL:
I'll get them.
335
00:15:16,082 --> 00:15:19,117
Oh, 12-year-old
single malt?
336
00:15:19,119 --> 00:15:20,251
Okay if I have that instead?
337
00:15:20,253 --> 00:15:21,920
ASHLEY:
Sure.
338
00:15:21,922 --> 00:15:25,390
I like a man who
knows his Scotch.
339
00:15:25,392 --> 00:15:27,058
Oh, nice chair.
340
00:15:27,060 --> 00:15:29,661
(sighs)
341
00:15:29,663 --> 00:15:31,229
ASHLEY:
You like it?
342
00:15:31,231 --> 00:15:32,430
It swivels.
Mm.
343
00:15:34,401 --> 00:15:36,668
Hey.
344
00:15:36,670 --> 00:15:39,304
Here's some snacks.
345
00:15:40,240 --> 00:15:42,173
Come here, you.
346
00:15:43,443 --> 00:15:46,311
(both laughing)
347
00:15:47,580 --> 00:15:49,247
It's good Scotch.
Where'd you get it?
348
00:15:49,249 --> 00:15:52,083
It was a gift
from my ex's friend,
349
00:15:52,085 --> 00:15:53,251
Oscar Madison.
350
00:15:53,253 --> 00:15:54,218
BILL:
The sports guy?
351
00:15:54,220 --> 00:15:55,520
I'm a big fan.
352
00:15:55,522 --> 00:15:57,188
ASHLEY: Well, I have
a cure for that:
353
00:15:57,190 --> 00:15:59,390
meet him.
354
00:15:59,392 --> 00:16:02,060
You know what?
I'm gonna have a Scotch, too.
355
00:16:03,530 --> 00:16:05,463
(lights buzzing)
356
00:16:05,465 --> 00:16:07,265
What's going on?
I don't know.
357
00:16:07,267 --> 00:16:10,101
Oh, you know there was
a guy working next door.
358
00:16:10,103 --> 00:16:12,103
Maybe it's an
electrical short.
359
00:16:14,040 --> 00:16:16,207
Come on, I've got candles
in the kitchen.
All right.
360
00:16:25,118 --> 00:16:27,118
Are you okay?
361
00:16:27,120 --> 00:16:29,620
Yeah. Yeah, I think so.
362
00:16:29,622 --> 00:16:32,023
Hey, weren't you Scottish?
363
00:16:32,025 --> 00:16:34,459
Wow, you should get
checked out, man.
364
00:16:50,143 --> 00:16:51,209
Oscar.
365
00:16:51,211 --> 00:16:53,544
Felix.
366
00:16:53,546 --> 00:16:55,146
Where's Chris?
367
00:16:55,148 --> 00:16:57,548
He had to go. Nice guy.
368
00:16:57,550 --> 00:16:59,150
Finally someone noticed
369
00:16:59,152 --> 00:17:02,253
how clean I keep
the top of the refrigerator.
370
00:17:03,256 --> 00:17:05,423
Where did you run off to?
371
00:17:05,425 --> 00:17:08,259
Oh, nowhere. Just an errand.
372
00:17:08,261 --> 00:17:09,227
I thought
you'd be sleeping.
373
00:17:09,229 --> 00:17:10,795
Yes, I thought so, too,
374
00:17:10,797 --> 00:17:12,330
but the pillow didn't work.
375
00:17:12,332 --> 00:17:13,798
I have resigned myself
to the fact
376
00:17:13,800 --> 00:17:15,166
that I will never sleep again.
377
00:17:15,168 --> 00:17:17,068
Ah, cat's back.
378
00:17:19,039 --> 00:17:21,439
Listen, I was a little rough
on you this afternoon.
379
00:17:21,441 --> 00:17:23,241
Of course
you're not a bad friend.
380
00:17:23,243 --> 00:17:24,475
You don't have to apologize.
381
00:17:24,477 --> 00:17:26,411
Yes, I do.
382
00:17:26,413 --> 00:17:29,047
I mean, if I heard
or saw something
383
00:17:29,049 --> 00:17:30,481
that would utterly destroy you,
384
00:17:30,483 --> 00:17:32,316
who knows
what I would do?
385
00:17:32,318 --> 00:17:35,787
I'd probably
just keep it to myself.
386
00:17:35,789 --> 00:17:39,290
No, you would not,
because you are a true friend,
387
00:17:39,292 --> 00:17:41,759
and you've taught me
the importance of honesty.
388
00:17:41,761 --> 00:17:44,228
From now on,
we tell each other everything.
389
00:17:44,230 --> 00:17:47,532
That is a great idea
for a New Year's resolution.
390
00:17:47,534 --> 00:17:50,334
January first,
truth, truth, truth.
391
00:17:50,336 --> 00:17:53,237
No, no, no,
this cannot wait.
392
00:17:53,239 --> 00:17:56,207
As friends, if we don't have
honesty, we have nothing.
393
00:17:56,209 --> 00:17:58,643
The world outside can
be cold and deceptive,
394
00:17:58,645 --> 00:18:00,845
but in here, we are
in our sanctuary,
395
00:18:00,847 --> 00:18:03,081
safe in the knowledge
that we will always...
396
00:18:03,083 --> 00:18:05,283
Ashley's dating someone.
397
00:18:05,285 --> 00:18:06,717
You are dead to me.
398
00:18:06,719 --> 00:18:09,287
What? You told me
to be totally honest.
399
00:18:09,289 --> 00:18:11,155
Well, I-I don't know
what I'm saying!
400
00:18:11,157 --> 00:18:12,557
I haven't slept
in five days!
401
00:18:12,559 --> 00:18:14,358
And how could you know
Ashley's seeing someone?
402
00:18:14,360 --> 00:18:17,395
I left my phone at her place,
and when I went back to get it,
403
00:18:17,397 --> 00:18:20,231
she was with a guy who drinks
Scotch and really likes to spin.
404
00:18:20,233 --> 00:18:22,233
I can't believe it!
405
00:18:22,235 --> 00:18:25,103
Yeah, it's like the guy
never saw a swivel chair.
406
00:18:25,105 --> 00:18:26,771
Ashley's seeing someone.
407
00:18:26,773 --> 00:18:28,873
I'm sorry, buddy.
408
00:18:28,875 --> 00:18:30,741
I know what you're
going through.
409
00:18:30,743 --> 00:18:32,543
It hurts.
410
00:18:32,545 --> 00:18:35,780
Oh, God, it's really over!
411
00:18:35,782 --> 00:18:38,616
But at least
you're not in limbo anymore.
412
00:18:38,618 --> 00:18:40,318
You don't have
to torture yourself
413
00:18:40,320 --> 00:18:42,253
or wonder what's happening.
414
00:18:42,255 --> 00:18:44,655
Because now
that you know for sure,
415
00:18:44,657 --> 00:18:48,459
you can pick up the pieces
and start your new life.
416
00:18:48,461 --> 00:18:51,195
Now, that's got to be
some kind of relief, right?
417
00:18:52,165 --> 00:18:55,133
(snoring)
418
00:18:55,135 --> 00:18:56,400
Felix?
419
00:18:56,402 --> 00:18:58,369
(snoring)
420
00:19:05,245 --> 00:19:07,712
Sleep well, buddy.
421
00:19:28,434 --> 00:19:30,568
FELIX:
Morning.
422
00:19:30,570 --> 00:19:33,437
There he is. We started
to get worried.
423
00:19:33,439 --> 00:19:37,408
We ordered Chinese food, and
we're completely out of cash.
424
00:19:37,410 --> 00:19:39,310
Oscar, you are a good friend.
425
00:19:39,312 --> 00:19:41,746
Thanks to your strong dose
of reality, I slept like a baby.
426
00:19:41,748 --> 00:19:45,716
A baby whose apartment
was ransacked in the night.
427
00:19:45,718 --> 00:19:48,186
Oscar thought he could buy my
forgiveness for the Chris thing
428
00:19:48,188 --> 00:19:50,321
with a pizza
and a six-pack of cheap beer.
429
00:19:50,323 --> 00:19:51,856
Hmm.
430
00:19:51,858 --> 00:19:53,758
He was right.
431
00:19:53,760 --> 00:19:57,562
Morning, Felix. How does
it feel to be a celebrity?
432
00:19:57,564 --> 00:19:59,263
What do you mean?
433
00:19:59,265 --> 00:20:02,533
Oh, I may have uploaded
your butt to my Instagram.
434
00:20:02,535 --> 00:20:03,367
What?!
435
00:20:03,369 --> 00:20:04,402
Oh, don't worry.
436
00:20:04,404 --> 00:20:05,436
No one'll know it's you.
437
00:20:05,438 --> 00:20:06,704
I'll know!
438
00:20:06,706 --> 00:20:08,573
Teddy, that is
an invasion of my privacy!
439
00:20:08,575 --> 00:20:10,208
You got 134 "likes."
440
00:20:10,210 --> 00:20:12,310
Oh, really?
441
00:20:12,312 --> 00:20:13,878
And some very
positive comments.
442
00:20:13,880 --> 00:20:15,780
"Nice booty."
"Cute buns."
443
00:20:15,782 --> 00:20:17,848
"Boy, I'd like to take that
sweet bubble-butt and..."
444
00:20:17,850 --> 00:20:19,317
Well, that's just
not appropriate.
That's...
that's...
445
00:20:21,287 --> 00:20:22,553
Look at this.
446
00:20:22,555 --> 00:20:24,255
HotMama281 has
requested that I--
447
00:20:24,257 --> 00:20:26,390
and I quote--
"Shake that cake."
448
00:20:26,392 --> 00:20:27,758
(laughs)
449
00:20:27,760 --> 00:20:30,261
HotMama281?
450
00:20:30,263 --> 00:20:31,529
That's my wife.
451
00:20:32,999 --> 00:20:36,234
Obviously, she doesn't
have a type.
452
00:20:36,236 --> 00:20:38,936
Why is she commenting
on another man's cake
453
00:20:38,938 --> 00:20:40,471
when she got cake at home?
454
00:20:40,473 --> 00:20:42,707
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