1
00:00:05,539 --> 00:00:07,606
Hello, Oscar.
2
00:00:07,608 --> 00:00:11,377
Felix, I hate that
I'm used to this.
3
00:00:11,379 --> 00:00:14,179
Observe.
4
00:00:14,181 --> 00:00:15,481
After weeks of practice,
I have successfully mastered
5
00:00:15,483 --> 00:00:17,216
the salamba sirsasana.
6
00:00:17,218 --> 00:00:18,717
By rooting my power
deep into the earth,
7
00:00:18,719 --> 00:00:21,086
I become an immovable
tower of strength.
8
00:00:21,088 --> 00:00:21,754
Aah!
9
00:00:21,756 --> 00:00:23,589
Oh!
10
00:00:23,591 --> 00:00:25,791
And gracefully transitioning
into plow.
11
00:00:28,696 --> 00:00:30,029
Thank you, Felix.
That was a highlight
12
00:00:30,031 --> 00:00:31,630
to an otherwise crappy day.
13
00:00:31,632 --> 00:00:33,565
What happened?
I'm crossing 71st Street
14
00:00:33,567 --> 00:00:35,701
and some moron
in a hot dog suit
15
00:00:35,703 --> 00:00:37,803
shoves a flier in my face.
16
00:00:37,805 --> 00:00:39,304
Oh, yes, I know him.
17
00:00:39,306 --> 00:00:42,307
He's a very persistent wiener.
18
00:00:42,309 --> 00:00:45,177
Anyway, I finally take it
and throw it in the trash,
19
00:00:45,179 --> 00:00:47,746
but because nobody picks up
the garbage in this stupid city,
20
00:00:47,748 --> 00:00:51,083
it just falls off the top
of this trash mountain
21
00:00:51,085 --> 00:00:52,184
and lands in the street.
22
00:00:52,186 --> 00:00:54,053
I get a ticket for littering,
23
00:00:54,055 --> 00:00:56,388
and the hot dog goes free.
24
00:00:56,390 --> 00:00:58,690
Well, the hot dog
could never go to jail.
25
00:00:58,692 --> 00:01:00,826
He'd be eaten alive.
26
00:01:01,762 --> 00:01:03,295
Really?
27
00:01:03,297 --> 00:01:05,164
Nothing?
You're in that bad of a mood?
28
00:01:05,166 --> 00:01:07,332
I'm just so sick
of New York.
29
00:01:07,334 --> 00:01:09,101
You know what I'm gonna do?
30
00:01:09,103 --> 00:01:11,170
I'm gonna move into
a cabin in the woods.
31
00:01:11,172 --> 00:01:12,504
Yes, and marry
a sexy survivalist
32
00:01:12,506 --> 00:01:13,739
and smoke your own jerky.
33
00:01:13,741 --> 00:01:15,808
You say that every few months.
34
00:01:15,810 --> 00:01:17,609
I mean it this time.
35
00:01:17,611 --> 00:01:18,811
I'm through with this city.
36
00:01:18,813 --> 00:01:20,245
You know what you need
37
00:01:20,247 --> 00:01:22,414
is an uplifting
urban experience,
38
00:01:22,416 --> 00:01:25,184
and I have just the thing.
39
00:01:25,186 --> 00:01:27,186
If you say
"paddle boating" again,
40
00:01:27,188 --> 00:01:28,620
so help me God...
41
00:01:28,622 --> 00:01:30,289
No, no, of course not.
42
00:01:30,291 --> 00:01:31,824
Not when the swans are breeding.
43
00:01:31,826 --> 00:01:33,692
Right.
44
00:01:33,694 --> 00:01:35,327
No, my yoga instructor,
Dante, has asked me
45
00:01:35,329 --> 00:01:37,162
to fill in for him
at his next class.
46
00:01:37,164 --> 00:01:39,264
I didn't know you were
good enough to teach.
47
00:01:39,266 --> 00:01:41,433
Oh, yes, he said, and I quote,
48
00:01:41,435 --> 00:01:44,837
"If you know so much about yoga,
why don't you teach the class?"
49
00:01:46,874 --> 00:01:48,674
And then he called me
"smart guy."
50
00:01:49,810 --> 00:01:51,510
I like this Dante.
51
00:01:51,512 --> 00:01:53,512
Yes, that's the problem;
everyone does.
52
00:01:53,514 --> 00:01:55,114
He can't be a good teacher
53
00:01:55,116 --> 00:01:56,448
because he's too busy
being Mr. Popularity.
54
00:01:56,450 --> 00:02:00,285
Well, you're not
gonna have that problem.
55
00:02:00,287 --> 00:02:01,854
So, what do you say?
56
00:02:01,856 --> 00:02:04,256
Well, let me think it over
for a second. No.
57
00:02:04,258 --> 00:02:06,592
Oscar, your loss.
58
00:02:06,594 --> 00:02:09,228
I really, really wish you would
expose yourself to new things.
59
00:02:09,230 --> 00:02:10,696
Whoa!
60
00:02:10,698 --> 00:02:13,265
You are exposing me
to enough right now!
61
00:02:13,267 --> 00:02:15,601
Oscar, with a little bit
of practice, you could do this.
62
00:02:15,603 --> 00:02:17,269
Felix, if I could do that,
63
00:02:17,271 --> 00:02:20,205
I'd never leave the apartment.
64
00:02:41,529 --> 00:02:43,662
So, ever since I retired
from baseball,
65
00:02:43,664 --> 00:02:45,631
I've been getting offers to
do endorsements and stuff,
66
00:02:45,633 --> 00:02:47,599
and since you do such
great work for Oscar,
67
00:02:47,601 --> 00:02:48,834
I was hoping you
could represent me.
68
00:02:48,836 --> 00:02:52,271
Oh, I thought it might be
something like that.
69
00:02:52,273 --> 00:02:54,940
Great. This Norwegian
company wants me
70
00:02:54,942 --> 00:02:56,642
to endorse a new
sports supplement.
71
00:02:56,644 --> 00:02:58,310
It's called, uh,
72
00:02:58,312 --> 00:02:59,845
Fjelltrakter.
73
00:02:59,847 --> 00:03:01,813
It's supposed to...
74
00:03:01,815 --> 00:03:03,549
(in bad announcer voice):
...enhance your performance
75
00:03:03,551 --> 00:03:05,884
and give you that
extra burst of energy.
76
00:03:05,886 --> 00:03:08,187
Okay, we're gonna get you
an acting coach.
Right.
77
00:03:08,189 --> 00:03:10,189
But if this stuff makes me
look like you,
78
00:03:10,191 --> 00:03:11,456
I'll take some right now.
79
00:03:11,458 --> 00:03:12,724
Well, it's medicine, Teddy.
80
00:03:12,726 --> 00:03:14,626
It's not magic.
81
00:03:14,627 --> 00:03:16,527
Hey, I only take crap
like that from clients.
82
00:03:16,530 --> 00:03:19,198
So sign here and initial there.
83
00:03:19,200 --> 00:03:21,233
Magic, that's hilarious.
84
00:03:21,235 --> 00:03:23,969
Okay, I have
a double cheeseburger.
85
00:03:23,971 --> 00:03:24,937
Uh-huh.
86
00:03:24,939 --> 00:03:26,872
A chicken sandwich.
Uh-huh.
87
00:03:26,874 --> 00:03:28,707
And a loaded baked potato.
88
00:03:28,709 --> 00:03:30,375
And none of that is
what we ordered.
89
00:03:30,377 --> 00:03:31,543
Again?
90
00:03:31,545 --> 00:03:32,744
(groans) Sorry.
91
00:03:32,746 --> 00:03:33,946
What can I get for you?
92
00:03:33,948 --> 00:03:34,913
Oh, great.
93
00:03:34,915 --> 00:03:36,415
You're all at the bar...
94
00:03:36,417 --> 00:03:37,616
bright and early.
95
00:03:38,919 --> 00:03:41,954
I will be teaching
a yoga class tomorrow,
96
00:03:41,956 --> 00:03:44,323
and I would love it
if you could all make it.
97
00:03:44,325 --> 00:03:47,826
If it isn't too much
of a stretch.
98
00:03:47,828 --> 00:03:49,261
(chuckles)
99
00:03:49,263 --> 00:03:50,963
Yeah, yoga's not
really my thing.
100
00:03:50,965 --> 00:03:52,798
Guys, yoga changed my life.
101
00:03:52,800 --> 00:03:54,399
You might be surprised
to know this, but when I was
102
00:03:54,401 --> 00:03:55,968
going through my divorce,
I was a bit of a wreck.
103
00:03:55,970 --> 00:03:57,302
You're kidding.
You? Come on!
104
00:03:57,304 --> 00:03:58,503
Yes, yes.
No.
105
00:03:58,505 --> 00:03:59,938
Thanks to yoga, it helped me
106
00:03:59,940 --> 00:04:02,808
face my demons and emerge
a calmer, stronger man
107
00:04:02,810 --> 00:04:04,243
ready to let go of my marriage
108
00:04:04,245 --> 00:04:06,578
and move on with
the next chapter of my life.
109
00:04:06,580 --> 00:04:09,014
Really? You're moving on?
110
00:04:09,016 --> 00:04:10,816
Like, dating and all that?
111
00:04:10,818 --> 00:04:14,253
I mean, you never
actually said dating,
112
00:04:14,255 --> 00:04:15,721
but I think that we all
just assumed.
113
00:04:15,723 --> 00:04:17,589
I mean, you're a human
with needs and desires.
114
00:04:17,591 --> 00:04:20,392
Yes to yoga.
115
00:04:20,394 --> 00:04:21,593
Great, Emily's in.
116
00:04:21,595 --> 00:04:22,761
Murph, what do you say?
117
00:04:22,763 --> 00:04:24,396
I guess I could.
118
00:04:24,398 --> 00:04:25,530
I did a little yoga...
119
00:04:25,532 --> 00:04:27,266
teacher once.
120
00:04:27,268 --> 00:04:29,368
Got Murph. Teddy?
121
00:04:29,370 --> 00:04:30,936
Well, my wife wants me
to stay home
122
00:04:30,938 --> 00:04:32,704
and watch The Notebook tomorrow,
123
00:04:32,706 --> 00:04:36,275
so I'd say yes to an hour
of being punched in the face.
124
00:04:36,277 --> 00:04:37,409
I really look forward
to teaching you,
125
00:04:37,411 --> 00:04:38,944
but fair warning,
126
00:04:38,946 --> 00:04:41,013
I plan on doing lots
of hands-on adjustments.
127
00:04:41,015 --> 00:04:42,681
Ooh, (chuckles) no problem.
128
00:04:42,683 --> 00:04:44,383
Just grab me and go for it.
129
00:04:44,385 --> 00:04:46,585
It's been a long time
since I was...
130
00:04:46,587 --> 00:04:49,354
adjusted.
131
00:04:50,758 --> 00:04:52,791
Run, Oscar, move
your skinny ass.
132
00:04:52,793 --> 00:04:54,526
(panting)
133
00:04:54,528 --> 00:04:56,028
I got to quit smoking.
134
00:04:56,030 --> 00:04:57,596
You don't smoke.
135
00:04:57,598 --> 00:04:59,564
Then I'm really out of shape.
136
00:04:59,566 --> 00:05:02,601
Now, remember, to get out
of your littering ticket,
137
00:05:02,603 --> 00:05:04,703
you have to walk into that
courtroom with respect.
138
00:05:04,705 --> 00:05:06,305
Keep a positive attitude.
139
00:05:06,307 --> 00:05:09,341
Stupid court, stupid cop,
stupid city.
140
00:05:09,343 --> 00:05:11,643
Just a little ray of
sunshine, aren't you?
141
00:05:11,645 --> 00:05:13,979
Oh, step aside, stale urine.
142
00:05:13,981 --> 00:05:17,349
We have a winner
in the subway smell contest.
143
00:05:17,351 --> 00:05:18,550
Oh, is it bothering you?
144
00:05:18,552 --> 00:05:20,619
I'm so sorry.
145
00:05:20,621 --> 00:05:21,787
(saxophone playing)
146
00:05:21,789 --> 00:05:23,355
Oh, fantastic.
147
00:05:23,357 --> 00:05:24,956
Dinner and a show.
148
00:05:24,958 --> 00:05:27,859
Could you do that
in a different car, please?
149
00:05:27,861 --> 00:05:30,062
Who made you king
of the subway?
150
00:05:30,064 --> 00:05:32,998
You just spit vindaloo
all over my shirt.
151
00:05:33,000 --> 00:05:36,702
Okay, some of that
was already there.
152
00:05:36,704 --> 00:05:39,037
Can't I just get
from point "A" to point "B"
153
00:05:39,039 --> 00:05:41,006
without the music,
the spitting
154
00:05:41,008 --> 00:05:42,541
and the making out?
155
00:05:42,543 --> 00:05:45,977
Do you not see the ad
for teenage pregnancy up there?
156
00:05:45,979 --> 00:05:48,513
Oscar, calm down.
157
00:05:48,515 --> 00:05:50,515
I'm not gonna calm down
until I'm off this train
158
00:05:50,517 --> 00:05:52,851
and away
from all these idiots.
159
00:05:52,853 --> 00:05:54,353
(brakes squeal)
160
00:05:54,355 --> 00:05:56,388
Son of a...
161
00:05:56,390 --> 00:05:59,424
(playing louder)
162
00:06:04,031 --> 00:06:05,797
How long are we talking
here, half an hour?
163
00:06:05,799 --> 00:06:08,100
Well, the flier
said 90 minutes.
164
00:06:08,102 --> 00:06:09,768
With a nap in the middle?
165
00:06:09,770 --> 00:06:11,970
Is that what
that mat is for?
166
00:06:11,972 --> 00:06:13,438
I'm gonna need some of
those endurance pills.
167
00:06:13,440 --> 00:06:14,606
How many should I take?
168
00:06:14,608 --> 00:06:16,375
Let's see, uh,
169
00:06:16,377 --> 00:06:19,978
between fjorten and,
uh, keveld.
170
00:06:22,116 --> 00:06:24,516
So, you just did
your hair and makeup.
171
00:06:24,518 --> 00:06:26,118
No heels?
172
00:06:26,120 --> 00:06:27,853
Shut up.
173
00:06:27,855 --> 00:06:29,755
I just came from a thing.
174
00:06:29,757 --> 00:06:31,156
Was it a meeting with your john?
175
00:06:33,394 --> 00:06:34,659
Have you guys seen Felix?
176
00:06:34,661 --> 00:06:35,861
Class should be starting.
177
00:06:35,863 --> 00:06:37,129
It's not like him to be...
178
00:06:37,131 --> 00:06:38,663
FELIX:
Join me, fellow travelers,
179
00:06:38,665 --> 00:06:40,665
as we embark
180
00:06:40,667 --> 00:06:43,502
on a voyage of self-discovery.
181
00:06:43,504 --> 00:06:47,439
Please welcome
your spiritual captain...
182
00:06:50,010 --> 00:06:52,677
...Felix Unger.
183
00:06:52,679 --> 00:06:54,112
(whooping)
184
00:06:54,114 --> 00:06:56,515
Where's Dante?
185
00:06:56,517 --> 00:06:59,951
Okay, Dante is at his cousin's
commitment ceremony in Paramus.
186
00:06:59,953 --> 00:07:03,488
So I have the privilege
of teaching you today.
187
00:07:05,759 --> 00:07:07,058
Okay.
188
00:07:07,060 --> 00:07:09,094
A couple of good spots
have opened up, uh...
189
00:07:09,096 --> 00:07:11,096
Now,
190
00:07:11,098 --> 00:07:12,764
as some of you may know,
I recently went
191
00:07:12,766 --> 00:07:14,132
through a pretty
painful divorce,
192
00:07:14,134 --> 00:07:15,867
but it was yoga
that got me through it.
193
00:07:15,869 --> 00:07:17,436
It got me out of my spiral,
194
00:07:17,438 --> 00:07:18,537
let me release my anger
195
00:07:18,539 --> 00:07:20,605
and become
the totally centered man
196
00:07:20,607 --> 00:07:22,207
you see before you today.
197
00:07:22,209 --> 00:07:25,544
Will Dante be back next week?
198
00:07:25,546 --> 00:07:27,779
It's my belief that you haven't
really practiced yoga
199
00:07:27,781 --> 00:07:31,149
unless you've had a cathartic
emotional breakthrough.
200
00:07:31,151 --> 00:07:33,118
So hold on to your chakras,
201
00:07:33,120 --> 00:07:36,455
'cause it's about
to get namaste-y up in here.
202
00:07:37,958 --> 00:07:39,825
We will dive in
with a pose that tests
203
00:07:39,827 --> 00:07:42,461
both your physical
and your emotional strength,
204
00:07:42,463 --> 00:07:43,762
yoganidrasana,
205
00:07:43,764 --> 00:07:46,631
aka the human pretzel.
206
00:07:46,633 --> 00:07:49,234
That's not how Dante
starts the class.
207
00:07:49,236 --> 00:07:51,636
Okay, Steve,
as we've established,
208
00:07:51,638 --> 00:07:53,705
Dante isn't here today.
209
00:07:56,844 --> 00:07:58,510
Joke's on him.
210
00:07:58,512 --> 00:07:59,878
I have the parking validations.
211
00:08:02,883 --> 00:08:04,716
DRIVER (over P.A.):
Sorry for the inconvenience.
212
00:08:04,718 --> 00:08:05,917
We are...
213
00:08:05,919 --> 00:08:07,152
(static)
214
00:08:07,154 --> 00:08:08,520
...electrical fire...
215
00:08:08,522 --> 00:08:09,721
(static)
216
00:08:09,723 --> 00:08:11,490
...up to 30 to...
217
00:08:11,492 --> 00:08:12,691
(static)
218
00:08:12,693 --> 00:08:14,025
...patience.
219
00:08:14,027 --> 00:08:15,093
We're working to...
220
00:08:15,095 --> 00:08:17,529
(feedback squeals)
221
00:08:17,531 --> 00:08:20,265
Well, that clears that up.
222
00:08:20,267 --> 00:08:22,567
Looks like you're gonna
miss your court date.
223
00:08:22,569 --> 00:08:24,569
So I'm gonna have
to pay the fine?
224
00:08:24,571 --> 00:08:26,238
This is a $200 train ride.
225
00:08:26,240 --> 00:08:28,006
Thanks, New York.
226
00:08:28,008 --> 00:08:29,174
Stop complaining.
227
00:08:29,176 --> 00:08:31,710
New York is the greatest
city in the world.
228
00:08:31,712 --> 00:08:33,845
No, it's rude,
obnoxious and dirty.
229
00:08:33,847 --> 00:08:36,214
And I know that
also describes me,
230
00:08:36,216 --> 00:08:38,617
but it doesn't mean
I want to hang out with it.
231
00:08:38,619 --> 00:08:40,719
You take this place
for granted.
232
00:08:40,721 --> 00:08:42,187
Me, growing up in Ohio,
233
00:08:42,189 --> 00:08:44,689
I used to see New York in
movies and on television.
234
00:08:44,691 --> 00:08:46,224
It looked so exciting.
235
00:08:46,226 --> 00:08:48,727
I remember the first time
I saw that Billy Joel video.
236
00:08:48,729 --> 00:08:50,529
Now I'm living that video.
237
00:08:50,531 --> 00:08:52,597
I'm the Uptown Girl.
238
00:08:52,599 --> 00:08:54,566
You can't afford
to live uptown.
239
00:08:54,568 --> 00:08:56,868
'Cause I got a cheap-ass boss.
240
00:08:56,870 --> 00:08:59,037
But it's still the
greatest city in the world.
241
00:08:59,039 --> 00:09:00,572
Come on, people, back me up.
242
00:09:00,574 --> 00:09:01,873
(groaning)
243
00:09:01,875 --> 00:09:04,709
I pay two grand a month
for my apartment,
244
00:09:04,711 --> 00:09:07,679
and I got a bathtub
in my kitchen.
245
00:09:07,681 --> 00:09:10,015
Mr. Trump's got
his own bathtub.
246
00:09:10,017 --> 00:09:11,550
Must be nice.
247
00:09:12,286 --> 00:09:16,621
Does that ever end?
248
00:09:16,623 --> 00:09:17,856
I got mugged
in the park yesterday.
249
00:09:17,858 --> 00:09:19,124
Why were you at the park?
250
00:09:19,126 --> 00:09:20,592
Were you with
that whore Donna?
251
00:09:20,594 --> 00:09:21,993
Mind your business.
Mind my business?
252
00:09:21,995 --> 00:09:23,695
Okay, okay, come on, you guys.
253
00:09:23,697 --> 00:09:25,297
You're forgetting
about all the great things
254
00:09:25,299 --> 00:09:27,232
that could only happen
in New York.
255
00:09:27,234 --> 00:09:28,967
DRIVER:
...will now last at least...
256
00:09:28,969 --> 00:09:30,569
(static)
257
00:09:30,571 --> 00:09:31,903
...please don't panic...
258
00:09:31,905 --> 00:09:33,705
...giant snake...
259
00:09:33,707 --> 00:09:35,874
(static)
260
00:09:35,876 --> 00:09:37,075
See?
261
00:09:37,077 --> 00:09:39,277
That would never happen in Ohio.
262
00:09:41,348 --> 00:09:43,582
And starting out
in downward dog,
263
00:09:43,584 --> 00:09:45,717
checking to make sure
that your weight is balanced,
264
00:09:45,719 --> 00:09:47,352
your hands are shaped
like little turtles
265
00:09:47,354 --> 00:09:49,187
and your toes are laughing.
266
00:09:49,189 --> 00:09:53,091
So, turtle hands, laughing toes
and lower chaturanga.
267
00:09:54,227 --> 00:09:57,028
What the hell
are turtle hands?
268
00:09:57,030 --> 00:09:59,264
This is harder than I thought.
269
00:09:59,266 --> 00:10:01,366
It might help
if you take off your shirt.
270
00:10:01,368 --> 00:10:03,635
Yeah.
271
00:10:05,906 --> 00:10:07,706
Oh, yeah, that's helping.
272
00:10:08,942 --> 00:10:11,710
Ingrid, roll your tongue
back up.
273
00:10:12,946 --> 00:10:15,914
And now we will rise up
into warrior two.
274
00:10:15,916 --> 00:10:17,349
So press your weight forward,
275
00:10:17,351 --> 00:10:19,651
your spine is breathing,
soften your eyes
276
00:10:19,653 --> 00:10:23,221
and give your kidneys
permission to dance.
277
00:10:23,223 --> 00:10:25,056
F-Felix, am I
doing this right?
278
00:10:25,058 --> 00:10:26,391
Uh, yeah.
279
00:10:26,393 --> 00:10:27,859
Uh, not bad, just, um,
280
00:10:27,861 --> 00:10:29,394
activate that quad there
281
00:10:29,396 --> 00:10:31,229
and square your hips like so.
282
00:10:31,231 --> 00:10:32,764
Ah, yeah, that's it.
283
00:10:32,766 --> 00:10:34,833
(chuckles)
I mean, is that it?
284
00:10:37,137 --> 00:10:38,937
Hey, I love your accent.
285
00:10:38,939 --> 00:10:40,305
Where's that from?
Like, Wisconsin?
286
00:10:40,307 --> 00:10:42,273
More like Norway.
287
00:10:42,275 --> 00:10:44,042
Ah! Really?
288
00:10:44,044 --> 00:10:46,077
I'm about to become
the spokesman
289
00:10:46,079 --> 00:10:48,413
for something
called Fjelltrakter.
290
00:10:48,415 --> 00:10:51,049
Fjelltrakter.
291
00:10:51,051 --> 00:10:52,384
Yeah, yeah.
292
00:10:52,386 --> 00:10:55,353
Do you experience
a problem with the penis?
293
00:10:55,355 --> 00:10:56,788
What?
294
00:10:56,790 --> 00:10:58,723
No. No, why?
295
00:10:58,725 --> 00:11:00,425
Fjelltrakter means
"mountain maker."
296
00:11:00,427 --> 00:11:03,762
It, uh, gives the struggling man
an erection.
297
00:11:05,732 --> 00:11:06,865
Are you kidding me?
298
00:11:06,867 --> 00:11:09,300
No, she is not.
299
00:11:10,337 --> 00:11:12,837
Murph, Teddy... focus, please.
300
00:11:12,839 --> 00:11:15,073
Now, everyone, we will rise up
301
00:11:15,075 --> 00:11:19,411
and let's stretch out
our hips for eagle.
302
00:11:19,413 --> 00:11:21,913
Oh, hell, no.
303
00:11:21,915 --> 00:11:26,317
Okay, and we'll cross
our right leg over our left,
304
00:11:26,319 --> 00:11:28,053
bring your arms up together
and press them.
305
00:11:28,055 --> 00:11:29,354
Press them together
nice and tight.
306
00:11:29,356 --> 00:11:30,855
Very, very good.
307
00:11:30,857 --> 00:11:32,457
And... ah.
308
00:11:32,459 --> 00:11:34,059
Everyone, attention
here on Emily.
309
00:11:34,061 --> 00:11:35,326
Because this
310
00:11:35,328 --> 00:11:37,062
is a perfect example
311
00:11:37,064 --> 00:11:38,830
of what not to do.
312
00:11:38,832 --> 00:11:40,065
Your spine is straight,
313
00:11:40,067 --> 00:11:41,332
your chin is tucked,
314
00:11:41,334 --> 00:11:43,068
and keep those buttocks even.
315
00:11:43,070 --> 00:11:44,436
Feels like they are.
316
00:11:44,438 --> 00:11:46,104
Hmm...
317
00:11:46,106 --> 00:11:49,908
How many people think
Emily's buttocks are even?
318
00:11:49,910 --> 00:11:51,209
Right one's
definitely higher.
319
00:11:51,211 --> 00:11:54,446
Thanks, Murph.
320
00:11:54,448 --> 00:11:57,849
That's not how Dante
corrects people.
321
00:11:57,851 --> 00:11:59,284
Okay, I wouldn't
know, Steve,
322
00:11:59,286 --> 00:12:01,086
because he's never
had to correct me.
323
00:12:01,088 --> 00:12:03,154
Um, Teddy, do you need
some help getting up there?
324
00:12:03,156 --> 00:12:04,122
No, I'm good.
325
00:12:04,124 --> 00:12:05,123
You sure?
326
00:12:05,125 --> 00:12:06,491
Don't touch me!
327
00:12:07,427 --> 00:12:09,394
So if voodoo isn't real,
328
00:12:09,396 --> 00:12:11,830
then why'd I kill
all those chickens, huh?
329
00:12:16,837 --> 00:12:19,037
What did you ask him?
330
00:12:19,039 --> 00:12:21,806
I didn't ask
him anything.
331
00:12:21,808 --> 00:12:23,975
What is with
these people?
332
00:12:23,977 --> 00:12:25,443
I'm telling you,
it's New York.
333
00:12:25,445 --> 00:12:27,278
It's a melting
pot of people
334
00:12:27,280 --> 00:12:29,781
who are too crazy
to live anywhere else.
335
00:12:29,783 --> 00:12:34,285
Come on, somebody's got to
have some love for this town.
336
00:12:34,287 --> 00:12:35,887
What about you,
337
00:12:35,889 --> 00:12:38,389
kindly gentleman?
Tell us your story.
338
00:12:38,391 --> 00:12:40,759
Well, I was born and raised
in the Bronx.
339
00:12:40,761 --> 00:12:42,460
Spent 40 years on Wall Street
340
00:12:42,462 --> 00:12:44,362
to support my passion.
341
00:12:44,364 --> 00:12:45,497
Which was...?
342
00:12:45,499 --> 00:12:47,799
Flashing.
343
00:12:49,903 --> 00:12:51,169
I... I-I'm sorry?
344
00:12:51,171 --> 00:12:53,338
I was a flasher.
345
00:12:53,340 --> 00:12:55,240
Doesn't anybody remember
flashing anymore?
346
00:12:55,242 --> 00:12:56,775
What's wrong
with you people?
347
00:12:58,178 --> 00:12:59,444
Everybody's so busy
348
00:12:59,446 --> 00:13:01,880
looking down at their
fancy iTelephones,
349
00:13:01,882 --> 00:13:03,982
swiping and-and typing,
350
00:13:03,984 --> 00:13:05,550
they don't
even notice
351
00:13:05,552 --> 00:13:07,118
an old man who's willing
352
00:13:07,120 --> 00:13:09,821
to expose his
private parts to you!
353
00:13:15,562 --> 00:13:19,330
I hate this town.
354
00:13:19,332 --> 00:13:21,099
This is hard.
355
00:13:21,101 --> 00:13:22,333
Can we take a break?
356
00:13:22,335 --> 00:13:24,068
Good idea.
357
00:13:24,070 --> 00:13:26,938
Maybe turn off the lights
and everybody close their eyes?
358
00:13:26,940 --> 00:13:28,406
Come on, that is quitter talk.
359
00:13:28,408 --> 00:13:29,908
What is this, Pilates?
360
00:13:32,279 --> 00:13:33,845
People, when things get tough,
361
00:13:33,847 --> 00:13:35,313
this is when we dig down deep
362
00:13:35,315 --> 00:13:37,849
and find our hidden
reserves of strength.
363
00:13:37,851 --> 00:13:42,587
Okay, wow, looks like
Tonya is done digging.
364
00:13:42,589 --> 00:13:44,322
Somebody's already
found enlightenment.
365
00:13:44,324 --> 00:13:46,524
And doesn't want
her parking validated.
366
00:13:46,526 --> 00:13:48,993
Now, then, let's
rise up into tree.
367
00:13:48,995 --> 00:13:50,862
And...
368
00:13:50,864 --> 00:13:51,996
Where's Murph?
369
00:13:53,033 --> 00:13:55,033
I think he's invading Norway.
370
00:13:56,002 --> 00:13:57,335
Why is everybody
leaving?
371
00:13:57,337 --> 00:13:59,437
Well, maybe you could try
372
00:13:59,439 --> 00:14:01,339
to make the class
a little more fun.
373
00:14:01,341 --> 00:14:03,041
Than it already is.
374
00:14:03,043 --> 00:14:05,210
'Cause it's so fun.
375
00:14:05,212 --> 00:14:06,945
Hey, you know what, everybody?
376
00:14:06,947 --> 00:14:09,047
It's time to try an original
pose that I invented,
377
00:14:09,049 --> 00:14:11,216
something I like to call
the "Double Felix."
378
00:14:11,218 --> 00:14:12,450
(students groan)
379
00:14:12,452 --> 00:14:14,886
Dante doesn't
make up poses.
380
00:14:14,888 --> 00:14:17,422
Well, I'm not Dante, Steve,
and I can do whatever I want.
381
00:14:17,424 --> 00:14:19,424
Okay, Emily,
front and center, please.
382
00:14:19,426 --> 00:14:21,860
Oh. Okay.
383
00:14:21,862 --> 00:14:23,895
And we start in prasarita,
384
00:14:23,897 --> 00:14:25,129
your legs spread wide
385
00:14:25,131 --> 00:14:28,299
and your fingers
splayed...
386
00:14:28,301 --> 00:14:30,201
Sorry, sorry.
387
00:14:30,203 --> 00:14:31,603
Had to take a call.
388
00:14:31,605 --> 00:14:33,171
I'm guessing it was
a booty call?
389
00:14:34,908 --> 00:14:38,543
And now we will
gracefully press on through,
390
00:14:38,545 --> 00:14:41,646
rising up into headstand
like a giant bonsai tree.
391
00:14:41,648 --> 00:14:44,549
Wouldn't a giant bonsai tree
just be a regular tree?
392
00:14:44,551 --> 00:14:47,552
As long as the tree
is silent, Steve!
393
00:14:47,554 --> 00:14:49,220
Teddy, please,
show a little bit of effort.
394
00:14:49,222 --> 00:14:50,388
Look at Ingrid
over here.
Nope.
395
00:14:50,390 --> 00:14:52,624
Bad idea.
396
00:14:52,626 --> 00:14:54,492
Okay, now, and raising your feet
up into the heavens.
397
00:14:54,494 --> 00:14:55,560
Higher.
398
00:14:55,562 --> 00:14:56,995
Okay, no, except higher.
399
00:14:56,997 --> 00:14:58,396
Okay, higher.
400
00:14:58,398 --> 00:14:59,564
They can't go any higher.
401
00:14:59,566 --> 00:15:01,633
Not with that attitude,
they can't.
402
00:15:01,635 --> 00:15:05,003
Murph, back on
your own mat, please.
403
00:15:07,507 --> 00:15:09,674
And there is that
wandering buttock again.
404
00:15:09,676 --> 00:15:11,643
Hmm.
405
00:15:11,645 --> 00:15:13,344
Where is it going?
406
00:15:13,346 --> 00:15:15,546
Does it have a plane to catch?
407
00:15:15,548 --> 00:15:17,615
I'm sorry.
This is really difficult.
408
00:15:17,617 --> 00:15:19,484
Impossible.
Yeah, it's hard.
Yeah.
409
00:15:19,486 --> 00:15:20,919
Terrible.
Really hard.
410
00:15:20,921 --> 00:15:22,553
I'm sorry.
If you're not going to try,
411
00:15:22,555 --> 00:15:24,188
what is the point
of even being here?
412
00:15:24,190 --> 00:15:26,524
Good point.
413
00:15:26,526 --> 00:15:28,426
That was sarcasm.
414
00:15:28,428 --> 00:15:30,061
And these
415
00:15:30,063 --> 00:15:31,496
are my uneven buttocks
416
00:15:31,498 --> 00:15:33,564
wandering out the door.
417
00:15:34,935 --> 00:15:37,368
Okay, okay.
So nobody wants to try
418
00:15:37,370 --> 00:15:39,337
and stay
and do the hard work.
419
00:15:39,339 --> 00:15:40,672
Okay, well, here's a pose
that you're all going to love.
420
00:15:40,674 --> 00:15:42,540
It's called the moving donkey.
421
00:15:42,542 --> 00:15:44,375
Oh, yeah? Well, how does
that one work, bro?
422
00:15:44,377 --> 00:15:46,010
You get your asses
out of my studio!
423
00:16:02,963 --> 00:16:04,062
How long are they
going to keep us waiting?
424
00:16:04,064 --> 00:16:05,663
Why is there no air?
425
00:16:05,665 --> 00:16:08,166
And what exactly is so
fascinating about my cleavage?!
426
00:16:08,168 --> 00:16:10,535
Whoa, whoa, whoa,
427
00:16:10,537 --> 00:16:12,036
what's happening here?
428
00:16:12,038 --> 00:16:13,071
You're supposed to be
the upbeat one.
429
00:16:13,073 --> 00:16:14,973
And I'm the cranky
pain in the ass.
430
00:16:14,975 --> 00:16:17,709
You're upsetting
the balance of nature.
431
00:16:17,711 --> 00:16:19,510
You're right
about this city.
432
00:16:19,512 --> 00:16:20,745
It's crowded
and dirty,
433
00:16:20,747 --> 00:16:22,747
and everybody is just
out for themselves.
434
00:16:22,749 --> 00:16:24,382
No, it's not that bad.
435
00:16:24,384 --> 00:16:25,616
The Big Apple!
436
00:16:25,618 --> 00:16:27,085
Huddled masses!
437
00:16:27,087 --> 00:16:28,720
Not Los Angeles!
438
00:16:28,722 --> 00:16:32,090
Rat!
(screaming)
439
00:16:32,092 --> 00:16:32,757
Oh, my God!
440
00:16:32,759 --> 00:16:35,693
It looked right at me!
441
00:16:35,695 --> 00:16:37,261
It's coming
back this way!
442
00:16:37,263 --> 00:16:39,998
(screaming)
443
00:16:40,000 --> 00:16:41,232
That's it! That's it!
444
00:16:41,234 --> 00:16:43,101
I'm moving back to Cleveland.
445
00:16:43,103 --> 00:16:45,069
The apartments are bigger
and the rats are smaller.
446
00:16:45,071 --> 00:16:47,138
You're not going anywhere.
447
00:16:47,140 --> 00:16:49,073
All right, listen up,
New Yorkers.
448
00:16:49,075 --> 00:16:50,274
That rat's gotta go!
449
00:16:50,276 --> 00:16:53,111
Cleavage Guy,
give me your umbrella.
450
00:16:53,113 --> 00:16:55,580
Stinky Food Lady,
give me your stinky food.
451
00:16:55,582 --> 00:16:58,116
Inappropriate Couple,
452
00:16:58,118 --> 00:17:01,119
harness all your sexual energy
to get that door open.
453
00:17:02,422 --> 00:17:03,421
What can I do?
454
00:17:03,423 --> 00:17:04,722
You just sit there
455
00:17:04,724 --> 00:17:06,257
with your coat
securely fastened.
456
00:17:08,028 --> 00:17:10,061
Ew! Ew! Ew!
It's moving! Ew! Ew!
457
00:17:10,063 --> 00:17:11,496
Ew! Open the door!
458
00:17:11,498 --> 00:17:14,032
There it goes! Close the door!
459
00:17:15,702 --> 00:17:18,069
(cheering)
460
00:17:18,071 --> 00:17:19,804
And that's how
we do it in New York.
461
00:17:19,806 --> 00:17:22,073
(train rumbles)
462
00:17:22,075 --> 00:17:24,075
(cheering)
463
00:17:24,077 --> 00:17:26,177
(playing "New York, New York")
464
00:17:31,718 --> 00:17:33,651
(sighs)
Oh, Teddy.
465
00:17:33,653 --> 00:17:35,353
You're still here.
466
00:17:35,355 --> 00:17:37,155
I couldn't leave.
467
00:17:37,157 --> 00:17:39,724
Oh, bless you
and your tender heart.
468
00:17:39,726 --> 00:17:42,360
Mm-hmm, yeah, that's it.
469
00:17:42,362 --> 00:17:44,262
You've really taken
to that pose.
470
00:17:44,264 --> 00:17:45,530
I can see why.
471
00:17:45,532 --> 00:17:46,831
It's very powerful.
472
00:17:49,069 --> 00:17:51,135
I really messed
this up, Teddy.
473
00:17:51,137 --> 00:17:54,105
I just wanted to share
something I love with people
474
00:17:54,107 --> 00:17:56,574
and have them do it exactly
the way I thought they should.
475
00:17:58,078 --> 00:18:00,078
Nothing's wrong
with that first part.
476
00:18:00,080 --> 00:18:01,412
But as for the rest,
477
00:18:01,414 --> 00:18:03,381
I'll tell you
the same thing I'd say
478
00:18:03,383 --> 00:18:05,283
to a woman who wants
to cut her hair short:
479
00:18:05,285 --> 00:18:06,684
no one wants that.
480
00:18:06,686 --> 00:18:08,619
I thought that yoga had made me
481
00:18:08,621 --> 00:18:10,254
this calm, enlightened person,
482
00:18:10,256 --> 00:18:12,256
but I'm actually the same
demanding perfectionist
483
00:18:12,258 --> 00:18:13,825
I was with my ex.
484
00:18:13,827 --> 00:18:15,259
And I drove my students away
485
00:18:15,261 --> 00:18:17,361
just like I drove Ashley away.
486
00:18:17,363 --> 00:18:18,863
I'm so...
487
00:18:18,865 --> 00:18:20,331
What's the opposite
of enlightened?
488
00:18:20,333 --> 00:18:21,466
Unenlightened.
489
00:18:21,468 --> 00:18:22,834
Right.
490
00:18:22,836 --> 00:18:24,368
Doesn't have the gravitas
I was hoping for.
491
00:18:25,872 --> 00:18:27,305
Well, Felix, you can't
change overnight.
492
00:18:27,307 --> 00:18:28,539
But at least
you're trying.
493
00:18:28,541 --> 00:18:30,208
As a wise man
once said,
494
00:18:30,210 --> 00:18:31,509
when things get toughest,
495
00:18:31,511 --> 00:18:32,877
that's when you find
your strength.
496
00:18:32,879 --> 00:18:34,445
Keep digging.
You'll find it.
497
00:18:34,447 --> 00:18:36,214
Well said, Teddy.
498
00:18:36,216 --> 00:18:37,515
There's no magic pill
to make you grow.
499
00:18:37,517 --> 00:18:40,118
(chuckles)
500
00:18:40,120 --> 00:18:43,888
I wonder if there's a
pill to make you shrink.
501
00:18:43,890 --> 00:18:47,325
Ah, well... ah...
should we go?
502
00:18:47,327 --> 00:18:49,393
Uh...
Yeah, okay.
503
00:18:49,395 --> 00:18:51,195
I think
I'm ready.
504
00:18:51,197 --> 00:18:52,396
Are you done?
505
00:18:52,398 --> 00:18:54,165
We've got Cardio Strip Tease
at 6:00.
506
00:18:54,167 --> 00:18:55,800
Oh, come on,
man...
507
00:18:57,670 --> 00:19:00,805
Everyone, we've had
quite an afternoon.
508
00:19:00,807 --> 00:19:02,874
We boarded this
train as strangers,
509
00:19:02,876 --> 00:19:05,910
but we'll exit
a band of brothers...
510
00:19:05,912 --> 00:19:08,312
led by a quiet hero.
511
00:19:08,314 --> 00:19:10,481
MAN:
You know what?
512
00:19:10,483 --> 00:19:12,183
You are a hero.
513
00:19:12,185 --> 00:19:13,885
Because you reminded me
why I fell in love
514
00:19:13,887 --> 00:19:15,319
with this city
in the first place.
515
00:19:15,321 --> 00:19:16,787
Aw.
516
00:19:16,789 --> 00:19:18,489
In fact, you've inspired me.
517
00:19:18,491 --> 00:19:20,525
New York, I'm back!
518
00:19:24,397 --> 00:19:26,898
You realize
you are wearing pants.
519
00:19:27,901 --> 00:19:29,734
Damn it!
520
00:19:29,736 --> 00:19:31,169
Give me a minute!
521
00:19:31,171 --> 00:19:32,403
Let's go.
522
00:19:32,405 --> 00:19:33,938
Come on,
be a sport!
523
00:19:33,940 --> 00:19:36,841
I can get them down now!
524
00:19:36,843 --> 00:19:39,477
What are you looking at?
525
00:19:47,420 --> 00:19:48,786
(knocking at door)
526
00:19:50,456 --> 00:19:52,790
Oh, Emily.
Hi.
527
00:19:52,792 --> 00:19:55,426
I'm so glad you're here.
528
00:19:55,428 --> 00:19:56,961
I want to apologize.
529
00:19:56,963 --> 00:19:59,564
Yes, I got your message.
530
00:19:59,566 --> 00:20:01,599
And the flowers.
531
00:20:01,601 --> 00:20:02,967
And the picture of the goat
532
00:20:02,969 --> 00:20:06,437
that you gave to that
African tribe in my name.
533
00:20:06,439 --> 00:20:07,838
Forgive me?
534
00:20:07,840 --> 00:20:10,942
(chuckles)
535
00:20:10,944 --> 00:20:14,278
So, did you buy goats
for everyone in class?
536
00:20:14,280 --> 00:20:16,247
No. Just you.
537
00:20:16,983 --> 00:20:18,382
I'm not made of goats.
538
00:20:18,384 --> 00:20:19,684
(laughs)
539
00:20:19,686 --> 00:20:21,219
Well, thank you.
540
00:20:21,221 --> 00:20:22,553
And if you ever
teach again,
541
00:20:22,555 --> 00:20:24,288
I would love to
come to your class.
542
00:20:24,290 --> 00:20:26,457
Well, we can finish
the class now if you'd like.
543
00:20:26,459 --> 00:20:27,758
Okay.
544
00:20:27,760 --> 00:20:28,993
Uh, fun.
545
00:20:28,995 --> 00:20:30,561
Uh, would you like
to do a partners pose?
546
00:20:30,563 --> 00:20:31,629
Sure.
Great.
547
00:20:31,631 --> 00:20:33,231
Uh, begin
in downward dog.
548
00:20:44,944 --> 00:20:47,278
I hate that I'm used to this.
549
00:20:48,481 --> 00:20:49,880
Oscar, how was
the courthouse?
550
00:20:49,882 --> 00:20:51,515
We never made it.
551
00:20:51,517 --> 00:20:53,484
Spent the afternoon
stuck on the subway.
552
00:20:53,486 --> 00:20:55,720
Oh, no!
Actually, it
turned out to be
553
00:20:55,722 --> 00:20:57,588
a classic New York adventure.
554
00:20:57,590 --> 00:20:58,689
I took a photo.
555
00:20:58,691 --> 00:20:59,957
They were the sweetest,
nicest...
556
00:20:59,959 --> 00:21:01,492
Damn it!
557
00:21:01,494 --> 00:21:04,629
One of those bastards
stole my phone!
558
00:21:04,631 --> 00:21:06,697
Shall we?
OSCAR:
I hate this city!
559
00:21:06,699 --> 00:21:08,432
Every time you give
this town a chance,
560
00:21:08,434 --> 00:21:09,667
it kicks you
in the teeth!
561
00:21:09,669 --> 00:21:11,002
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