1 00:00:01,280 --> 00:00:04,409 - God, Alice was being such a dickhead today, huh? 2 00:00:04,520 --> 00:00:06,204 - You give out laser-pointer key chains, 3 00:00:06,360 --> 00:00:08,522 and you expect us to be adult enough not to play with them? 4 00:00:08,640 --> 00:00:10,324 I mean, are you thick? 5 00:00:10,440 --> 00:00:12,044 - You were just pointing 'em at people's crotches. 6 00:00:12,160 --> 00:00:14,401 That's what they're there for. That's fun. 7 00:00:14,520 --> 00:00:15,885 - Dude, if she was here right now, 8 00:00:16,000 --> 00:00:17,047 I've drank enough, to the point 9 00:00:17,200 --> 00:00:18,247 where I would go right to her face, 10 00:00:18,360 --> 00:00:19,646 and I would say, 11 00:00:19,760 --> 00:00:21,364 "You're dumb, and no one loves you." 12 00:00:21,480 --> 00:00:22,766 I'd say that to her. 13 00:00:22,880 --> 00:00:24,211 - That was really good. 14 00:00:24,320 --> 00:00:25,651 You should tell that to her face. 15 00:00:25,760 --> 00:00:27,250 - Yeah, I totally would. - through her ear hole, 16 00:00:27,360 --> 00:00:28,566 which is in her face, 17 00:00:28,680 --> 00:00:29,727 'cause I just called her work phone. 18 00:00:29,880 --> 00:00:31,245 - What? - Did you? 19 00:00:31,360 --> 00:00:32,441 - I did. - It's her voice-mail. 20 00:00:32,560 --> 00:00:33,721 - Leave a voice-mail. 21 00:00:33,840 --> 00:00:37,287 - Hey, Alice, this is Blake. 22 00:00:37,400 --> 00:00:42,440 And I just thought that maybe you should... 23 00:00:42,600 --> 00:00:43,886 stick a fork up your butt and eat poo, 24 00:00:44,000 --> 00:00:45,331 because you're a dickhead. 25 00:00:45,480 --> 00:00:47,721 [rap music] - Oh, my God. 26 00:00:47,840 --> 00:00:50,161 - It's so sad how much you love me 27 00:00:50,320 --> 00:00:53,608 and you look at me from a distance 28 00:00:53,720 --> 00:00:56,610 and you get all ♪ juicy ♪ 29 00:00:56,720 --> 00:00:58,529 In your pants. 30 00:00:58,640 --> 00:01:00,244 - You might be the boss, but you, ma'am, 31 00:01:00,360 --> 00:01:02,806 are no leader. - Yeah! 32 00:01:02,920 --> 00:01:06,641 - And one time I heard you queef. Slam! 33 00:01:06,760 --> 00:01:08,888 - Get amped on DeMamp! 34 00:01:09,000 --> 00:01:11,048 Cornhuskers fuckin' rule! 35 00:01:11,160 --> 00:01:12,571 Tits are rad! 36 00:01:12,680 --> 00:01:14,330 Not yours though. I bet they're concaved. 37 00:01:14,440 --> 00:01:15,805 - You don't know how to delegate. 38 00:01:15,920 --> 00:01:17,445 You don't know how to motivate. 39 00:01:17,560 --> 00:01:18,641 And you sure as hell can't encourage 40 00:01:18,760 --> 00:01:19,807 any kind of innovation. 41 00:01:19,920 --> 00:01:21,968 Let the boys be boys. Slam! 42 00:01:22,080 --> 00:01:23,445 - Why aren't you getting laid? 43 00:01:23,600 --> 00:01:25,841 What, is your vagina webbed? 44 00:01:25,960 --> 00:01:27,564 - Go shave your muffl Suck it. 45 00:01:27,680 --> 00:01:29,808 - Bitch, you got too many teeth in your mouth. 46 00:01:29,920 --> 00:01:32,082 [screams] 47 00:01:32,200 --> 00:01:34,567 - Yo, you look like you smoke, and I know that you don't. 48 00:01:34,680 --> 00:01:38,002 So that hits even closer to home. 49 00:01:38,160 --> 00:01:39,286 - I hate you. I hate you. 50 00:01:39,400 --> 00:01:40,481 - Yep. Yep- - I hate you. 51 00:01:40,600 --> 00:01:41,806 I hate you! 52 00:01:41,920 --> 00:01:43,604 I hate you! I hate you! 53 00:01:43,720 --> 00:01:47,691 I hate you! 54 00:01:47,800 --> 00:01:49,484 I hate her. - Yeah. 55 00:01:49,600 --> 00:01:50,681 [birds chirping] 56 00:01:50,800 --> 00:01:54,771 [cell phone buzzes] 57 00:01:58,800 --> 00:01:59,881 - Oh, no. 58 00:02:00,000 --> 00:02:01,809 Dude. Dude, the voicemails! 59 00:02:01,920 --> 00:02:03,046 Wake up DeMamp! - Hmm? 60 00:02:03,160 --> 00:02:04,321 - Where's Blake? 61 00:02:04,440 --> 00:02:06,124 - What? - Blake! 62 00:02:06,240 --> 00:02:08,925 - Yo. 63 00:02:11,000 --> 00:02:12,411 - How did you- 64 00:02:12,520 --> 00:02:14,409 - [softly] I don't know. 65 00:02:14,520 --> 00:02:17,922 [beatboxing] 66 00:02:18,040 --> 00:02:20,566 - ♪ I'm fresh ♪ 67 00:02:20,680 --> 00:02:22,011 - ♪ You gotta, you gotta, you gotta ♪ 68 00:02:22,160 --> 00:02:26,404 - ♪ you gotta be fresh ♪ 69 00:02:26,800 --> 00:02:28,290 - Blake, s'go. 70 00:02:28,400 --> 00:02:30,368 Alice gets to the office five minutes early every day, 71 00:02:30,480 --> 00:02:32,323 which gives us 29 minutes to beat her there 72 00:02:32,440 --> 00:02:33,930 and delete those messages. 73 00:02:34,040 --> 00:02:35,610 - That's weird. I don't even feel hung over. 74 00:02:35,720 --> 00:02:37,404 - I drank, like, 17 beers, 75 00:02:37,520 --> 00:02:39,010 and I feel way better than I normal do. 76 00:02:39,120 --> 00:02:40,451 - Yeah, you know, maybe as you get older 77 00:02:40,560 --> 00:02:41,766 you get better at hangovers. 78 00:02:41,880 --> 00:02:43,450 - That has to be a fact. [crash] 79 00:02:43,600 --> 00:02:44,886 All: Whoa! 80 00:02:45,000 --> 00:02:46,889 - Jesus. - What the- 81 00:02:47,000 --> 00:02:49,890 - Guys, we're still drunk. 82 00:02:50,000 --> 00:02:52,480 - We got to take the bus. Let's go! 83 00:02:52,600 --> 00:02:54,728 - Yep, I'll meet you guys there. - Wait, where are you going? 84 00:02:54,840 --> 00:02:56,444 - Inside. We need beers. - Wait, no! 85 00:02:56,560 --> 00:02:57,925 Beers is what got us in this situation. 86 00:02:58,040 --> 00:02:59,644 - Yeah, and it's what's gonna get us out. 87 00:02:59,760 --> 00:03:02,047 We're drunk right now, and we feel great, right? 88 00:03:02,200 --> 00:03:04,202 If this hangover kicks in... 89 00:03:04,320 --> 00:03:06,926 we're screwed. - He's right, we have no choice. 90 00:03:07,080 --> 00:03:09,208 We have to stay drunk till we get to the office. 91 00:03:09,320 --> 00:03:10,810 - Oh, and I'll get 92 00:03:10,960 --> 00:03:12,450 my Sharper Image breathalyzer key chain from the car. 93 00:03:12,560 --> 00:03:13,925 That way, we can monitor our blood alcohol level, guys. 94 00:03:14,040 --> 00:03:15,246 - Yeah! Blood alcohol level! 95 00:03:15,360 --> 00:03:16,805 - Yeah, yeah. Oh, Adam! 96 00:03:16,920 --> 00:03:19,048 Let me get Tecates and a couple of limes, okay? 97 00:03:19,160 --> 00:03:21,845 - You got it. - Oh, and Adam? 98 00:03:21,960 --> 00:03:24,201 Thank you for being a true bra}. 99 00:03:24,320 --> 00:03:25,810 - You're welcome, braj. 100 00:03:25,920 --> 00:03:28,366 Stay up. - I will. 101 00:03:28,520 --> 00:03:29,931 Both: always. 102 00:03:30,040 --> 00:03:31,485 - Come on, let's go. - Always, man. 103 00:03:31,600 --> 00:03:32,761 - True soldiers, for real. 104 00:03:32,880 --> 00:03:34,564 - Dude! - You're my best friend! 105 00:03:34,680 --> 00:03:36,011 - You're my best friend, dude! - Come on! 106 00:03:36,120 --> 00:03:37,201 - I love that guy, man! 107 00:03:37,360 --> 00:03:39,442 Damn, I forgot a belt! - Shhh. 108 00:03:39,560 --> 00:03:41,847 [cell phone rings] - Yo-ba sayo. 109 00:03:41,960 --> 00:03:43,610 - Jillian, it's Anders. Listen to me. 110 00:03:43,720 --> 00:03:45,324 I need you to go into Alice's voice-mail 111 00:03:45,440 --> 00:03:47,249 and delete all her messages before she gets in today. 112 00:03:47,360 --> 00:03:50,170 - Oh, I would happily do that, but it's password-protected. 113 00:03:50,280 --> 00:03:51,441 - What? You're her assistant. 114 00:03:51,560 --> 00:03:52,607 You don't access to her voicemails? 115 00:03:52,720 --> 00:03:54,006 - Her mom kept leaving 116 00:03:54,120 --> 00:03:55,326 these mean messages 117 00:03:55,440 --> 00:03:57,363 about how Alice was a bad daughter, 118 00:03:57,480 --> 00:03:59,403 so I couldn't take it, and I finallyjust called her 119 00:03:59,520 --> 00:04:00,806 and I said, "Look, lady, 120 00:04:00,920 --> 00:04:03,366 shut your mouth and find a fucking hobby." 121 00:04:03,480 --> 00:04:06,131 [techno music] 122 00:04:06,240 --> 00:04:09,323 - ♪ And I've had it up to here ♪ 123 00:04:09,440 --> 00:04:11,329 ♪ With the static in the ocean ♪ 124 00:04:11,480 --> 00:04:14,165 ♪ Sweet and salty in the sky ♪ 125 00:04:14,280 --> 00:04:15,611 ♪ It's a level of devotion... ♪ 126 00:04:15,720 --> 00:04:18,485 - Ders, I'm fading! Breathalyze me! 127 00:04:18,600 --> 00:04:19,647 - She's a grown adult... - Here it is. 128 00:04:19,760 --> 00:04:20,807 - That looks like a baby. 129 00:04:20,920 --> 00:04:24,481 [music continues] 130 00:04:24,600 --> 00:04:26,011 $5' 131 00:04:26,160 --> 00:04:31,326 ♪ On a skateboard, tattooing up your mind ♪ 132 00:04:31,440 --> 00:04:36,480 - Coming through! Hustle. Whoo! 133 00:04:40,840 --> 00:04:42,763 - Jillian, I just need you to figure out this password, 134 00:04:42,880 --> 00:04:44,211 get in there and delete those voicemails. 135 00:04:44,320 --> 00:04:46,482 Tell me you can do that. - I'd say yeah... 136 00:04:46,640 --> 00:04:50,008 considering I know Alice Murray better than she knows herself. 137 00:04:50,120 --> 00:04:52,282 - It's Alice Murphy, actually. 138 00:04:52,400 --> 00:04:55,006 - Damn it! I just blew a .09. 139 00:04:55,120 --> 00:04:57,646 Where is Adam with those beers? Man, I can't get a hangover. 140 00:04:57,760 --> 00:04:59,364 You know how I am when I have a hangover. 141 00:04:59,480 --> 00:05:01,130 I'm bitchy. I'm very bitchy. [device beeps] 142 00:05:01,240 --> 00:05:03,686 .10. We are dangerously close to being hung over. 143 00:05:03,800 --> 00:05:05,290 [clock ticking] - Oh, I feel a headache. 144 00:05:05,400 --> 00:05:07,243 Feel a headache. This is bad. 145 00:05:07,360 --> 00:05:09,283 - Oh, here we go. - Where are the beers? 146 00:05:09,400 --> 00:05:12,244 - They're all gone, man. They're all gone, man! 147 00:05:12,360 --> 00:05:14,283 ♪ Living that blade life ♪ - What are you talking about? 148 00:05:14,400 --> 00:05:15,447 I just saw you drink one right now. 149 00:05:15,560 --> 00:05:17,005 - Yeah, the last one, Ders. 150 00:05:17,120 --> 00:05:18,724 Think, speak. 151 00:05:18,880 --> 00:05:21,247 - Okay, well, I know we had more than one beer in the house. 152 00:05:21,360 --> 00:05:22,407 - No, we had four. - Uh-huh. 153 00:05:22,520 --> 00:05:23,646 - But there's three of us. 154 00:05:23,800 --> 00:05:25,325 And 1 1/2 beers each- 155 00:05:25,440 --> 00:05:27,124 that's not enough to get us kablamo-ed. 156 00:05:27,240 --> 00:05:28,526 But for one person, 157 00:05:28,680 --> 00:05:30,842 that might be enough to take us to the level. 158 00:05:30,960 --> 00:05:33,440 Let me hit this, 'cause I'm feeling ripe. 159 00:05:33,600 --> 00:05:35,090 [device beeps] 160 00:05:35,200 --> 00:05:38,124 - Whoa. I'm level- that's a .25. 161 00:05:38,240 --> 00:05:40,129 - Holy- - I'm leveled! 162 00:05:40,240 --> 00:05:42,322 - Here we go, here we go. - Hey, right here! 163 00:05:42,440 --> 00:05:43,805 - Come on. - Whoa, front of the line. 164 00:05:43,920 --> 00:05:45,570 Excuse me, folks. We got an emergency, here. 165 00:05:45,680 --> 00:05:47,523 Come on, come on. 166 00:05:47,640 --> 00:05:49,005 Hey, okay, would you just be a bus angel 167 00:05:49,160 --> 00:05:51,128 and drive us right to TelAmeriCorp, 168 00:05:51,240 --> 00:05:53,322 no stops or anything? We've got a work emergency. 169 00:05:53,440 --> 00:05:55,249 - You guys sell brats on the bus? 170 00:05:55,360 --> 00:05:57,249 Or a churro? I'm starving right now. 171 00:05:57,360 --> 00:05:59,681 - Guys, we're not going anywhere till everyone's on the bus. 172 00:05:59,800 --> 00:06:02,883 So sit down. 173 00:06:03,000 --> 00:06:05,207 - Let's go! Come on! 174 00:06:05,320 --> 00:06:07,322 - Time to go. [claps] 175 00:06:07,440 --> 00:06:09,010 - Just follow this laser pointer. 176 00:06:09,120 --> 00:06:10,360 We got some open seats right in the back, 177 00:06:10,480 --> 00:06:11,925 right down there, if you want to see that. 178 00:06:12,040 --> 00:06:13,769 Adam, help this guy out with his money, please. 179 00:06:13,880 --> 00:06:15,928 - You got money in here? - Help him out. 180 00:06:16,040 --> 00:06:18,122 - What are you doing? Stop it. 181 00:06:18,240 --> 00:06:19,685 - Handkerchief. Gross. 182 00:06:19,800 --> 00:06:21,245 - Sir, you're never gonna catch any fish 183 00:06:21,400 --> 00:06:22,731 if you take this long, come on. 184 00:06:22,840 --> 00:06:24,569 Tuck the pole. Watch your eyes, everybody. 185 00:06:24,680 --> 00:06:26,808 - What are you doing? - I'm skitching. 186 00:06:26,920 --> 00:06:28,365 - No, you are not skitching. Let's go. 187 00:06:28,480 --> 00:06:30,289 - Adam, we will next time, I promise. Come on. 188 00:06:30,400 --> 00:06:31,970 [overlapping cheers, whistle] 189 00:06:32,120 --> 00:06:34,248 - We did it again. - We did it! 190 00:06:34,360 --> 00:06:35,407 And I thought we weren't gonna make it. 191 00:06:35,520 --> 00:06:36,851 We'll be fine now. 192 00:06:37,000 --> 00:06:38,081 - Once again, does anybody have any beer? 193 00:06:38,200 --> 00:06:40,043 Anybody? Any kind of alcohol? 194 00:06:40,160 --> 00:06:42,003 No? - Thank you all for your help. 195 00:06:42,120 --> 00:06:44,088 - Yeah. Hey, what the heck? - Good stuff. 196 00:06:44,200 --> 00:06:45,884 - Excuse me, sir. 197 00:06:46,000 --> 00:06:48,401 You're not going straight to the office like I asked you. 198 00:06:48,520 --> 00:06:51,444 - No, this isn't the Ders way. - I love the Ders way. 199 00:06:51,560 --> 00:06:53,324 Why aren't we going the Ders way? 200 00:06:53,440 --> 00:06:54,965 The Ders way's a good way. - Triple-left, center, right. 201 00:06:55,080 --> 00:06:56,525 You guys never told me you liked my way. 202 00:06:56,640 --> 00:06:57,926 I'm glad that you like it. 203 00:06:58,040 --> 00:06:59,280 It's a good- Oh, my God! Get down! 204 00:06:59,400 --> 00:07:00,526 - What? - Get down! It's Alice! 205 00:07:00,640 --> 00:07:02,165 Excuse me, sir! 206 00:07:02,280 --> 00:07:04,089 Listen, we're just a couple of young bucks 207 00:07:04,200 --> 00:07:06,362 chasing the American dream, and we made a big mistake. 208 00:07:06,480 --> 00:07:08,050 - Behind the line. 209 00:07:08,160 --> 00:07:09,241 - Okay, haven't you ever screwed the pooch? 210 00:07:09,360 --> 00:07:11,010 You ever wanted a do-over? 211 00:07:11,120 --> 00:07:12,963 If so, I'm begging you to go straight to 24th and Crocker 212 00:07:13,120 --> 00:07:14,690 without any stops. - 24th and Crocker? 213 00:07:14,800 --> 00:07:16,529 - Yeah. - That's 11 stops. 214 00:07:16,640 --> 00:07:18,722 - So what? You're perfect? 215 00:07:18,840 --> 00:07:22,003 I'm looking at the goddamn Mom Teresa in front of me? 216 00:07:22,120 --> 00:07:23,645 I've told my boss I wanted to cover her 217 00:07:23,760 --> 00:07:26,889 in cinnamon toast crunch dust and then suck her- 218 00:07:27,000 --> 00:07:28,889 - I'm warning you, if you don't sit down, 219 00:07:29,000 --> 00:07:31,480 I will have you removed from this bus. 220 00:07:31,600 --> 00:07:33,728 - I'm okay with that, considering- 221 00:07:33,840 --> 00:07:36,127 there's a bomb on the bus! 222 00:07:36,240 --> 00:07:38,288 If we go below 50 miles per hour 223 00:07:38,400 --> 00:07:41,165 or don't go directly to TelAmeriCorp, 224 00:07:41,280 --> 00:07:43,647 we're all going to explode! - What did you say? 225 00:07:43,760 --> 00:07:47,765 - I said, "There's a bomb on this bus!" 226 00:07:47,880 --> 00:07:51,601 - Son, I need to know- - Oh! Watch out! 227 00:07:53,760 --> 00:07:55,171 - Oh! Whoa! 228 00:07:55,280 --> 00:07:57,886 - Cans! It was just cans. 229 00:07:58,000 --> 00:07:59,570 - It was a Mexi-can. 230 00:07:59,680 --> 00:08:01,762 Oh, oh, man. 231 00:08:01,880 --> 00:08:03,211 - Oh, he's fine. 232 00:08:03,320 --> 00:08:04,970 - Oh. - Hey, he's all good. 233 00:08:05,080 --> 00:08:06,525 - Don't move! Don't move! 234 00:08:06,640 --> 00:08:08,563 - You were just hit by a bus, buddy. Suck it up. 235 00:08:08,680 --> 00:08:10,967 - Oh, oh, man. No, I can't do this. 236 00:08:11,080 --> 00:08:12,161 I can't take it. 237 00:08:12,280 --> 00:08:13,884 [device beeps] 238 00:08:14,000 --> 00:08:15,365 - [coughs] - .06. 239 00:08:15,480 --> 00:08:17,403 I've never been so not drunk in my life, man. 240 00:08:17,520 --> 00:08:20,091 I'm about to be hung over, dude! - No! 241 00:08:20,200 --> 00:08:21,611 We are not giving up! Okay? 242 00:08:21,720 --> 00:08:23,609 We're gonna go in that liquor store, 243 00:08:23,720 --> 00:08:25,882 and I will buy us some booze 244 00:08:26,000 --> 00:08:27,047 to replenish our body with liquor. 245 00:08:27,160 --> 00:08:28,605 - Yeah - Cool. 246 00:08:28,720 --> 00:08:30,131 - Ders, I might need to borrow a dollar or two. 247 00:08:30,280 --> 00:08:31,441 - What do you mean? - I'm not... 248 00:08:31,560 --> 00:08:33,562 feeling- - Oh, he's passing out! 249 00:08:33,680 --> 00:08:35,887 He's wasted! - I don't feel good. 250 00:08:36,000 --> 00:08:37,809 - Are you okay? - S'go...without me. 251 00:08:37,920 --> 00:08:40,287 - Go without you? - Yes. 252 00:08:40,400 --> 00:08:41,606 Both: Okay. - We'll be right back. 253 00:08:41,720 --> 00:08:42,881 [car horn honks] - Actually, carry me. 254 00:08:43,040 --> 00:08:44,326 It's very dangerous out here. 255 00:08:44,440 --> 00:08:46,010 - Yeah. We're so close, we're so close. 256 00:08:46,120 --> 00:08:48,168 [car horn honking] All right, thank you, ma'am. 257 00:08:48,280 --> 00:08:50,203 - Don't act like you never passed out in the street 258 00:08:50,320 --> 00:08:51,924 with rollerblades before! 259 00:08:52,040 --> 00:08:54,884 - ♪ You got ♪ - ♪ You got to be fresh ♪ 260 00:08:56,000 --> 00:08:58,765 [beatboxing] 261 00:08:58,880 --> 00:09:00,086 - [grunting] - Come on. 262 00:09:00,200 --> 00:09:01,361 Energy drinks and beer! Where? 263 00:09:01,480 --> 00:09:03,687 - All over the store. Everywhere. 264 00:09:03,800 --> 00:09:06,531 - Hurry up, dude. - feel good, then not so good. 265 00:09:06,640 --> 00:09:08,608 - This rock star needs a monster can of Red Bull. Now. 266 00:09:08,720 --> 00:09:12,088 - Oh, God. Oh! - Just sit down. 267 00:09:12,200 --> 00:09:13,964 You're good. Let's get this. 268 00:09:14,080 --> 00:09:18,688 Come on. - Tap it, and there it is. 269 00:09:18,800 --> 00:09:20,802 - Remember that? It's all natural. 270 00:09:20,920 --> 00:09:23,321 - What do you need? - Burrito. 271 00:09:23,440 --> 00:09:25,488 - Handle that, okay? - Burrito? Yes, yes. 272 00:09:25,600 --> 00:09:27,602 A little more of the medicine. There it is. 273 00:09:27,720 --> 00:09:30,041 - The doctor ordered some go juice. 274 00:09:30,160 --> 00:09:32,367 The doctor prescribed some go juice! 275 00:09:32,480 --> 00:09:33,527 - There you go. Drink up. 276 00:09:33,640 --> 00:09:35,244 What a good little baby. 277 00:09:35,360 --> 00:09:37,840 - Burritos. - Check it out-painkillers. 278 00:09:37,960 --> 00:09:40,281 - Let's kill the pain. Kill the pain in my brain, man. 279 00:09:40,400 --> 00:09:41,811 - Jillian, what's the haps on the craps? 280 00:09:41,920 --> 00:09:44,048 - It's all taken care of. 281 00:09:44,160 --> 00:09:45,525 - What? You deleted the voicemails? 282 00:09:45,640 --> 00:09:47,130 - Yep. I did a great job. 283 00:09:47,240 --> 00:09:50,210 - [titters] - Who is this? 284 00:09:50,360 --> 00:09:52,124 - This is Anders. 285 00:09:52,240 --> 00:09:55,050 - Oh, Ders! No, I have not started yet. 286 00:09:55,160 --> 00:09:56,685 - What? - I'm starting right now. 287 00:09:56,800 --> 00:09:58,325 I swear. 288 00:09:58,440 --> 00:09:59,965 I just had to send out this e-vite to my landlord. 289 00:10:00,120 --> 00:10:02,088 And then Montez sent out this funny video 290 00:10:02,200 --> 00:10:03,645 of just dads sneezing. 291 00:10:03,760 --> 00:10:05,410 It's hysterical. 292 00:10:05,520 --> 00:10:07,010 [laughs] 293 00:10:07,120 --> 00:10:09,043 It's funny 'cause it's dads. 294 00:10:09,160 --> 00:10:11,083 - Jillian, turn it off, and get to it, okay? 295 00:10:11,200 --> 00:10:12,690 We need you. [beep] 296 00:10:12,840 --> 00:10:15,571 She-what are those? - They're headache pills. 297 00:10:15,680 --> 00:10:17,170 We're taking 'em just in case the beer wears off. 298 00:10:17,280 --> 00:10:19,203 Pretty smart, huh? - Yeah, but that's P.M. 299 00:10:19,320 --> 00:10:21,163 - Yeah, "P.M." That's "power medicine," man. 300 00:10:21,280 --> 00:10:25,001 You take it to gain more power in oneself. 301 00:10:25,120 --> 00:10:28,681 - Guys, those are sleeping pills. 302 00:10:28,800 --> 00:10:30,484 - Whatever, dude. 303 00:10:30,600 --> 00:10:32,762 I'm gonna go nuke this 'rito. Cheers. 304 00:10:32,880 --> 00:10:33,927 Thanks for saving my life. 305 00:10:34,040 --> 00:10:35,485 - Ders, check it out! 306 00:10:35,600 --> 00:10:37,284 Yo, Ders. Ders! 307 00:10:37,400 --> 00:10:39,926 I think I just found our ride to work. 308 00:10:40,040 --> 00:10:42,122 - You think you can handle those future babes? 309 00:10:42,240 --> 00:10:44,561 Dude, get with it, okay? They're gonna act all bitchy, 310 00:10:44,680 --> 00:10:45,761 because they know they're gonna grow up and be hot. 311 00:10:45,880 --> 00:10:47,644 We can't take a run at 'em yet. 312 00:10:47,760 --> 00:10:50,764 - All I'm saying is, I wouldn't mind riding that mongoose. 313 00:10:50,920 --> 00:10:53,924 - Come on, dude. They're like 15, tops. 314 00:10:54,040 --> 00:10:57,487 - I'm talking about the bike, you sick freak. 315 00:10:57,600 --> 00:10:59,443 - I'm sorry. You know I'm a Bianchi guy. 316 00:10:59,560 --> 00:11:00,800 Adam, come on! Let's ride! 317 00:11:00,920 --> 00:11:03,002 [microwave beeps] - 90 seconds. 318 00:11:03,120 --> 00:11:04,531 - Come on. We need to go now! 319 00:11:04,680 --> 00:11:06,250 - No. I'm starving! 320 00:11:06,360 --> 00:11:08,488 - Dude, we're 15 minutes from losing everything. 321 00:11:08,600 --> 00:11:10,728 - I'm gonna buy this burrito, Ders. 322 00:11:10,840 --> 00:11:12,410 And then I'm gonna eat it! 323 00:11:12,520 --> 00:11:14,887 - It's just bean and cheese, man. 324 00:11:15,000 --> 00:11:16,365 - Still a burrito, man! 325 00:11:16,480 --> 00:11:19,006 - I hope you know what you're doing, man. 326 00:11:19,120 --> 00:11:21,600 Here, come on. Let's go. 327 00:11:21,720 --> 00:11:24,610 - Oh, I know exactly what I'm doing, man. 328 00:11:24,720 --> 00:11:26,290 - Hey-hey, young ladies. 329 00:11:26,400 --> 00:11:28,084 How are you guys doing? 330 00:11:28,200 --> 00:11:30,282 Choco Tacos. Nice. - A Choco Taco, it's perfect. 331 00:11:30,400 --> 00:11:33,131 It's, like-it's something that was perfect-a taco- 332 00:11:33,240 --> 00:11:34,480 and then got more perfecter. 333 00:11:34,600 --> 00:11:36,523 So, yes, wise selection. 334 00:11:36,640 --> 00:11:39,769 Whoa, man! Look at these cool bikes! 335 00:11:39,880 --> 00:11:41,609 - What do you say? Uh, we're all young adults. 336 00:11:41,760 --> 00:11:44,081 Want to let us hop on for a little ride? 337 00:11:44,200 --> 00:11:45,804 - Why don't you guys go ride each other'? 338 00:11:45,920 --> 00:11:49,811 - Yeah? And you should fricking roll up your pant leg. 339 00:11:49,920 --> 00:11:51,729 . Why'? 340 00:11:51,840 --> 00:11:55,287 - Because you can't ride a bike in jeans. 341 00:11:55,440 --> 00:11:59,286 Yah! Yeah! - [screams] 342 00:11:59,400 --> 00:12:00,890 - [laughs] Boys rule! 343 00:12:01,000 --> 00:12:03,810 - Well, yeah, I don't know, mom. 344 00:12:03,920 --> 00:12:05,160 Well, I'm not a vet. 345 00:12:05,280 --> 00:12:07,282 [vocal electronic music] 346 00:12:07,400 --> 00:12:09,641 $5' 347 00:12:09,760 --> 00:12:11,046 [entrance bell rings] 348 00:12:11,160 --> 00:12:12,605 - I don't want to talk to you every day 349 00:12:12,720 --> 00:12:14,643 because you drive me crazy. - Oh, the dickhead. 350 00:12:14,760 --> 00:12:17,684 - Good-bye, mom. 351 00:12:17,840 --> 00:12:20,320 - ♪ He's insane ♪ 352 00:12:22,040 --> 00:12:24,441 - ♪ You gotta ♪ - ♪ You got to be fresh ♪ 353 00:12:25,720 --> 00:12:27,006 - Where are they? 354 00:12:27,120 --> 00:12:28,360 - Whoa! 355 00:12:28,480 --> 00:12:29,561 - What? - Uh-oh. 356 00:12:29,680 --> 00:12:30,841 - What? - Future babes. 357 00:12:30,960 --> 00:12:32,610 They never give up, man. 358 00:12:32,720 --> 00:12:34,165 They remind me a lot of myself when I was a future babe. 359 00:12:34,280 --> 00:12:36,248 You know, my manager at Togo's always said, 360 00:12:36,400 --> 00:12:38,004 "You'll never amount to anything." 361 00:12:38,120 --> 00:12:39,724 But look at me now! 362 00:12:39,840 --> 00:12:41,330 Look at me now! 363 00:12:41,440 --> 00:12:42,487 - Hey, Blake. - What? 364 00:12:42,600 --> 00:12:44,250 - No one asked! - [screams] 365 00:12:44,360 --> 00:12:47,204 - Get off me. Oh, my God. We lose 'em? 366 00:12:47,320 --> 00:12:49,561 - I think so. Clutch driving, Ders. 367 00:12:49,680 --> 00:12:51,250 Whoa! 368 00:12:51,360 --> 00:12:53,124 Whoa! - Oh, my God! 369 00:12:53,240 --> 00:12:54,969 Both: That was awesome! 370 00:12:55,080 --> 00:12:56,650 - There's more of them. - Get the juice! 371 00:12:56,760 --> 00:12:58,922 - How'd they find us? - Uhh... 372 00:12:59,040 --> 00:13:01,520 - Hey, clerk. [paper crinkles] down here. 373 00:13:01,640 --> 00:13:02,926 - What are you doing? 374 00:13:03,040 --> 00:13:05,122 - You see that lady over there? 375 00:13:05,240 --> 00:13:09,689 She's a shoplifter. She's stealing. 376 00:13:09,800 --> 00:13:12,644 Tampons. She's a tampon thief. 377 00:13:12,760 --> 00:13:15,001 You should interrogate her for, like, an hour. 378 00:13:15,120 --> 00:13:16,485 Oh, who am I, you might wonder? 379 00:13:16,600 --> 00:13:17,806 I'm a citizen-hero. 380 00:13:17,920 --> 00:13:19,809 - Watch this. 381 00:13:19,920 --> 00:13:21,763 - Hi, good morning. Just the coffee please. 382 00:13:21,880 --> 00:13:23,291 - Just the coffee? 383 00:13:23,400 --> 00:13:26,882 Why don't you show me your tampons? 384 00:13:27,000 --> 00:13:28,206 - I'm sorry? 385 00:13:28,320 --> 00:13:30,129 - Open the bag and show me the tampons. 386 00:13:30,240 --> 00:13:32,686 - Actually I don't have any, asshole, 387 00:13:32,800 --> 00:13:34,245 because I don't get my period anymore. 388 00:13:34,360 --> 00:13:36,761 - Why? Why don't you get your period anymore? 389 00:13:36,920 --> 00:13:38,490 - Uhh- 390 00:13:38,600 --> 00:13:40,250 I can't see! Your hair! 391 00:13:40,360 --> 00:13:42,203 - Eat booze, little baby girls. 392 00:13:42,320 --> 00:13:44,163 All right, I'm gonna turn around! 393 00:13:44,280 --> 00:13:46,886 - What? What do you mean? - Keep pedaling! Aah! 394 00:13:47,000 --> 00:13:48,240 - [gasps] - Whoo! 395 00:13:48,360 --> 00:13:50,169 Both: Hi. 396 00:13:50,280 --> 00:13:53,250 - I hope these future babes brought their tongues. 397 00:13:53,360 --> 00:13:55,203 - Why, dude? 398 00:13:55,320 --> 00:13:57,800 - Because they're about to taste laser. 399 00:13:57,920 --> 00:13:59,604 Come on, get your mind out of the gutter, you sick freak. 400 00:13:59,720 --> 00:14:01,449 - I don't know. 401 00:14:01,560 --> 00:14:04,723 - [screams] - [laughs] I got one! 402 00:14:04,840 --> 00:14:06,444 Eat laser, scummies! 403 00:14:06,560 --> 00:14:08,528 - Yeah! - [screams] 404 00:14:08,640 --> 00:14:09,880 - Sorry, chica. 405 00:14:10,000 --> 00:14:12,241 Your ass is about to get kick-assed. 406 00:14:12,360 --> 00:14:13,691 - [laughs] 407 00:14:13,800 --> 00:14:15,131 - Oh, no! - What? 408 00:14:15,240 --> 00:14:17,004 - She put her little thing down. 409 00:14:17,120 --> 00:14:20,203 Oh, she just flipped me off. That wasn't nice. 410 00:14:20,320 --> 00:14:23,881 - [slurps] 411 00:14:24,000 --> 00:14:25,411 [garbled] Good morning. 412 00:14:25,520 --> 00:14:26,851 [punk rock music] 413 00:14:26,960 --> 00:14:28,928 [entrance bell rings] 414 00:14:29,040 --> 00:14:37,050 $5' 415 00:14:43,800 --> 00:14:47,282 Yes! 416 00:14:47,400 --> 00:14:49,209 - Who this? 417 00:14:49,320 --> 00:14:52,324 - Ders-ie, guess who's about to be skitching? 418 00:14:52,440 --> 00:14:57,207 - What? - Oh! Ow! 419 00:14:57,320 --> 00:15:00,369 Ow! I slipped a disk. - Adam? Adam? 420 00:15:00,480 --> 00:15:01,561 - Yeah. - What are you doing? 421 00:15:01,680 --> 00:15:03,489 Are you okay? 422 00:15:03,600 --> 00:15:07,127 - Pfft! Yeah. Just blading on into work. 423 00:15:07,240 --> 00:15:08,730 Going green. 424 00:15:08,840 --> 00:15:10,808 Lot of people without cars, they blade all the time. 425 00:15:10,920 --> 00:15:14,083 Jason Bateman blades. Uh, Shaq doesn't own a car. 426 00:15:14,200 --> 00:15:15,850 He blades a lot. - Yeah, uh... 427 00:15:15,960 --> 00:15:17,803 look, why don't you get in my car, okay? 428 00:15:17,920 --> 00:15:19,809 I'll give you a ride to work. You don't look so good. 429 00:15:19,920 --> 00:15:21,922 - [scoffs] Doubt it. 430 00:15:22,040 --> 00:15:23,405 - Hey, give me back my bike! 431 00:15:23,520 --> 00:15:25,522 - Hey, suck my di-ass! 432 00:15:25,640 --> 00:15:26,971 Suck my ass. - Yeah, he said, "ass"! 433 00:15:27,080 --> 00:15:28,445 Uh-oh, blazer, hold on! 434 00:15:28,560 --> 00:15:29,971 We're about to bunny hop this muh- 435 00:15:30,080 --> 00:15:31,127 - Y'all ain't gonna be able to make it! 436 00:15:31,280 --> 00:15:33,203 - Oh, Ders, be careful! 437 00:15:33,320 --> 00:15:35,448 - I'm sick and tired of being careful! 438 00:15:35,560 --> 00:15:39,167 But-aah! 439 00:15:41,200 --> 00:15:43,441 [gravel grinds] - Fuck you! 440 00:15:43,560 --> 00:15:45,767 My stepdad's gonna find you and beat your ass! 441 00:15:45,920 --> 00:15:48,127 - Jillian, hey, how are we doing with those codes? 442 00:15:48,240 --> 00:15:49,890 - Not good. I messed up, 443 00:15:50,000 --> 00:15:52,401 and I accidentally deleted Alice's outgoing message, 444 00:15:52,520 --> 00:15:53,567 and now I have to record a new one. 445 00:15:53,720 --> 00:15:55,290 How does this sound? 446 00:15:55,400 --> 00:15:57,607 Hi, you've reached Alice. 447 00:15:57,720 --> 00:16:00,041 I'm Alice, and this is my voice, 448 00:16:00,160 --> 00:16:02,481 and I'm the boss. Leave a message. 449 00:16:02,600 --> 00:16:06,127 - Are you sure you're okay? 'Cause you seem really tired. 450 00:16:06,240 --> 00:16:09,528 - Hmm? Aah! 451 00:16:09,640 --> 00:16:11,244 I'm ready for work. 452 00:16:11,360 --> 00:16:13,010 I just took a bunch of power medicine, 453 00:16:13,120 --> 00:16:16,841 so I'm...ready for action. 454 00:16:16,960 --> 00:16:18,530 Actually, you know what? 455 00:16:18,640 --> 00:16:20,051 You might want to go this direction 456 00:16:20,160 --> 00:16:22,288 instead of directly that way. 457 00:16:22,400 --> 00:16:24,129 It's a quicker route. 458 00:16:24,240 --> 00:16:26,049 - Yeah, that's the complete opposite direction 459 00:16:26,160 --> 00:16:27,207 of the office. 460 00:16:27,320 --> 00:16:28,560 - Yeah, I know, I know that. 461 00:16:28,680 --> 00:16:31,047 It's the scenic. Do you like beauty? 462 00:16:31,160 --> 00:16:33,481 There's a volcano over there. 463 00:16:33,600 --> 00:16:36,046 It's a new one. It just sprouted. 464 00:16:36,160 --> 00:16:38,242 - In Rancho Cucamonga? 465 00:16:38,360 --> 00:16:40,328 - Yeah, I don't know if you know our new catchphrase, 466 00:16:40,440 --> 00:16:45,651 but it's "Rancho Cucamonga, let's get prehistoric." 467 00:16:45,760 --> 00:16:50,049 [imitates truck horn, cougar snarl] 468 00:16:50,160 --> 00:16:52,481 - Hello, you've reached Alice. I'm the boss, 469 00:16:52,600 --> 00:16:54,807 and I'm very angry most of the time. 470 00:16:54,920 --> 00:16:56,888 I can't answer, 'cause I'm the boss. 471 00:16:57,000 --> 00:16:59,082 Did I mention that? I'm Alice. 472 00:16:59,200 --> 00:17:01,168 How was that, Blake? 473 00:17:01,280 --> 00:17:02,884 - Jillian, you're the best. [sighs] 474 00:17:03,040 --> 00:17:04,405 - [over phone] Blake! - Blake! Whoa, dude! 475 00:17:04,520 --> 00:17:06,170 - What, man? I'm here. - Dude, wake up! 476 00:17:06,280 --> 00:17:07,805 - Come on, man. - The pills- 477 00:17:07,960 --> 00:17:11,009 - So I know I was really tough on you guys yesterday, 478 00:17:11,120 --> 00:17:13,282 and I just wanted to say how sorry I was. 479 00:17:13,400 --> 00:17:15,607 It's just been kind of a nightmare of a week. 480 00:17:15,760 --> 00:17:18,570 My sister just found out these test results, 481 00:17:18,720 --> 00:17:23,169 and it could be really serious. 482 00:17:23,280 --> 00:17:24,406 - Dude, wake up! 483 00:17:24,560 --> 00:17:26,005 I can't see! 484 00:17:26,120 --> 00:17:27,451 Move your hair! I can't see! 485 00:17:27,560 --> 00:17:28,607 - Move your hair. - Move your hair! 486 00:17:28,720 --> 00:17:29,801 [tires screech] 487 00:17:29,920 --> 00:17:31,922 - Oh, Shit! Blake? 488 00:17:32,040 --> 00:17:34,008 Are you o- 489 00:17:34,120 --> 00:17:35,167 Ders, where are you going? 490 00:17:35,320 --> 00:17:36,560 Where are you go- 491 00:17:36,680 --> 00:17:38,011 Okay, Blake, I'm gonna call someone. 492 00:17:38,160 --> 00:17:40,606 - Ders! Ders, where are you? Okay. 493 00:17:40,720 --> 00:17:42,370 All right, what are we doing? 494 00:17:42,480 --> 00:17:44,164 What are we doing! 495 00:17:44,280 --> 00:17:46,248 - Jillian! - I'm close. 496 00:17:46,360 --> 00:17:48,442 I've got her birthday, social security number, 497 00:17:48,560 --> 00:17:49,766 ATM, height, weight, skull circumference. 498 00:17:49,920 --> 00:17:51,126 - Move! - What are you doing? 499 00:17:51,240 --> 00:17:52,890 - The only thing I can do. - Holmvik! 500 00:17:53,000 --> 00:17:54,206 Put it down. 501 00:17:54,320 --> 00:17:57,961 Put it- I said-! 502 00:17:58,080 --> 00:17:59,491 Zzz! 503 00:17:59,640 --> 00:18:02,849 Hup! 504 00:18:02,960 --> 00:18:04,450 [exclaims] 505 00:18:04,600 --> 00:18:06,364 [beatboxing] 506 00:18:08,360 --> 00:18:10,601 [beatboxing] 507 00:18:10,720 --> 00:18:12,882 - So I know all this might sound weird to you, 508 00:18:13,000 --> 00:18:15,970 but to me it's just OCD, you know. 509 00:18:16,080 --> 00:18:19,323 And I'm not suffering from it, Alice, I'm living with it. 510 00:18:19,440 --> 00:18:20,851 - Right. 511 00:18:20,960 --> 00:18:25,443 So your OCD makes you weigh people's phones? 512 00:18:25,560 --> 00:18:27,085 - Yeah. And that's what I was doing. 513 00:18:27,200 --> 00:18:29,567 Yours is about, uh, 12 fluid ounces, give or take. 514 00:18:29,680 --> 00:18:31,284 - That's fascinating. 515 00:18:31,400 --> 00:18:33,084 Hey, why don't you go out into the parking lot 516 00:18:33,200 --> 00:18:34,531 and take care of your dumb-ass friends 517 00:18:34,640 --> 00:18:36,290 who are asleep there? 518 00:18:36,400 --> 00:18:39,563 That'd be great, champs, okay? - Very good. Thank you. 519 00:18:39,720 --> 00:18:41,165 If you catch me weighing anybody else's, 520 00:18:41,280 --> 00:18:42,645 just give me like a- we'll figure it out. 521 00:18:42,760 --> 00:18:44,250 - Hey, wait! 522 00:18:44,360 --> 00:18:47,807 Were you trying to listen to my messages? 523 00:18:47,920 --> 00:18:50,605 This is saying I'm locked out of the system for 24 hours 524 00:18:50,720 --> 00:18:52,085 for entering the wrong password too many times. 525 00:18:52,200 --> 00:18:54,806 - No, I was, uh, weighing your phone. 526 00:18:54,920 --> 00:18:56,604 - That was me. 527 00:18:56,720 --> 00:19:00,645 Uh, I was just trying to be the best assistant I could be. 528 00:19:00,760 --> 00:19:02,683 - Jillian, it's your birthday. 529 00:19:02,800 --> 00:19:04,245 - Really? Today? 530 00:19:04,360 --> 00:19:06,362 - No, my password is your birthday. 531 00:19:06,480 --> 00:19:08,130 - Well, color me flattered. 532 00:19:08,240 --> 00:19:11,961 - Jillian, you set it up, remember'? 533 00:19:12,080 --> 00:19:13,684 - Oh, now I do. 534 00:19:13,840 --> 00:19:15,365 But you never changed it. 535 00:19:15,480 --> 00:19:17,130 Could've changed it. 536 00:19:17,240 --> 00:19:19,447 Didn't. 537 00:19:19,560 --> 00:19:21,289 - Jillian, I thought telling you 538 00:19:21,400 --> 00:19:24,370 to stay the eff away from my shit would be enough, 539 00:19:24,480 --> 00:19:26,244 but apparently it's not. 540 00:19:26,360 --> 00:19:28,886 So I'm just gonna tell you, if you go near my phone again, 541 00:19:29,000 --> 00:19:31,765 you'll be back washing dishes at Shakey's. 542 00:19:31,880 --> 00:19:36,010 - I watched dishes. 543 00:19:36,120 --> 00:19:37,645 I didn't wash them. 544 00:19:37,760 --> 00:19:39,808 - There should be a warning right on the label- 545 00:19:39,920 --> 00:19:41,684 "It's not power medicine. 546 00:19:41,800 --> 00:19:43,723 You're not gonna gain strength. You're gonna go to sleep." 547 00:19:43,840 --> 00:19:45,729 It's P.M. - Who woulda thunk? 548 00:19:45,840 --> 00:19:48,923 - Dude, how hard did Alice snap on us today? 549 00:19:49,080 --> 00:19:50,241 Crazy, right? 550 00:19:50,360 --> 00:19:52,124 Somebody needs to get twirked. - Yeah. 551 00:19:52,240 --> 00:19:53,765 - I'm not gonna be the one twirking her, 552 00:19:53,920 --> 00:19:56,287 if she treats me like that, and I'm a good twirker. 553 00:19:56,400 --> 00:19:57,925 - We know. We hear you. - You're a great twirker. 554 00:19:58,040 --> 00:20:00,486 She doesn't even deserve one ounce of your twirk. 555 00:20:00,600 --> 00:20:02,568 - You got to move your hips like a figure eight. Damn. 556 00:20:02,720 --> 00:20:04,210 - Yep, there it is. 557 00:20:04,320 --> 00:20:06,288 - She's a freaking trick-ass b-yotch. 558 00:20:06,400 --> 00:20:07,765 She is, yeah. 559 00:20:07,880 --> 00:20:09,166 And I almost feel like calling her up again 560 00:20:09,280 --> 00:20:11,681 and giving her a piece of my mind. 561 00:20:11,800 --> 00:20:13,325 - Been there, huh? 562 00:20:13,480 --> 00:20:15,050 - I thought of the best one today. 563 00:20:15,160 --> 00:20:16,730 I was like- you know how you're always like, 564 00:20:16,840 --> 00:20:18,365 "Oh, man, I wish I could have said that," 565 00:20:18,480 --> 00:20:19,811 after some stuff just happened? 566 00:20:19,920 --> 00:20:21,081 - Always. - That's what happened. 567 00:20:21,240 --> 00:20:22,401 - What was it? - Do it. 568 00:20:22,520 --> 00:20:24,602 - No, I don't think I- 569 00:20:24,720 --> 00:20:26,290 - You got to, man, if it's that good. 570 00:20:26,400 --> 00:20:27,845 - It's ringing, it's ringing. 571 00:20:27,960 --> 00:20:29,803 Shhh, shhh, shhh. - I can't wait to hear it. 572 00:20:29,920 --> 00:20:32,241 - Hello? Alice? 573 00:20:32,360 --> 00:20:35,170 Uh, this is, uh, not Adam. 574 00:20:35,280 --> 00:20:37,681 You are a cunt. 575 00:20:37,840 --> 00:20:41,049 You're a cunt. You're a dumb cunt. 576 00:20:41,160 --> 00:20:43,049 - You thought of that today? - Yeah, earlier. 577 00:20:43,160 --> 00:20:44,969 - Nice. 578 00:20:45,080 --> 00:20:47,048 [dog snorts] [Party horn honks] 579 00:20:50,120 --> 00:20:54,205 - Ders. Ders. 580 00:20:54,320 --> 00:20:58,564 Ders. Ders. 581 00:20:58,680 --> 00:21:03,004 Ders. Ders? 582 00:21:03,120 --> 00:21:05,043 No, bud, I think I lost you.