1 00:00:09,520 --> 00:00:11,329 - The Illusionist blows it out of the water. 2 00:00:11,440 --> 00:00:13,408 - You're kidding. Ed Norton sucks. 3 00:00:13,520 --> 00:00:15,761 - I'm not defending Ed Norton. - What about the title? 4 00:00:15,880 --> 00:00:17,962 He's not even a real magician. He's an illusionist? 5 00:00:18,120 --> 00:00:22,091 - You watch your mouth. 6 00:00:22,200 --> 00:00:26,171 - "Adam 'Dwayne The Rock roommate DeMamp"'? 7 00:00:26,280 --> 00:00:28,647 All right. 8 00:00:30,800 --> 00:00:33,167 Aah, I'm sorry. I'm sorry. - Whoa, no, no, no. 9 00:00:33,280 --> 00:00:36,124 I am so sorry. I was not expecting anybody. 10 00:00:36,240 --> 00:00:37,969 - It's move-in day. - Oh, wow, okay. 11 00:00:38,080 --> 00:00:39,684 Pointing fingers already. 12 00:00:39,800 --> 00:00:41,529 Not a good start to our relationship. 13 00:00:41,640 --> 00:00:42,766 Hope you don't mind, I already kinda 14 00:00:42,880 --> 00:00:44,928 laid claim to this squadrent. 15 00:00:45,040 --> 00:00:47,281 - That's great, 'cause I got the microwave, 16 00:00:47,440 --> 00:00:48,771 and I'll just put it there, so- 17 00:00:48,880 --> 00:00:53,124 - Sick. I love popcorn, so- [knock on door] 18 00:00:53,280 --> 00:00:54,361 - Hey. Greetings, earthlings. 19 00:00:54,480 --> 00:00:56,562 Anders Holmvik, resident advisor. 20 00:00:56,680 --> 00:00:58,682 - Hi, I'm Blake. - Blake. 21 00:00:58,800 --> 00:01:01,451 - What's up? I'm Adam. DeMamp. 22 00:01:01,560 --> 00:01:03,403 ' Uh» YOU Play sports. 23 00:01:03,520 --> 00:01:05,010 - Swim team. - So no? 24 00:01:05,120 --> 00:01:06,770 - [laughs] Sorry, that was- 25 00:01:06,920 --> 00:01:08,922 That was a funny one. - Oh, yeah? That's funny? 26 00:01:09,040 --> 00:01:11,008 You know what's not funny? Burning alive 27 00:01:11,120 --> 00:01:12,281 in the middle of the night because you don't know 28 00:01:12,400 --> 00:01:13,606 your microwave just caught on fire. 29 00:01:13,760 --> 00:01:15,410 Microwaves, not allowed in the dorm. 30 00:01:15,520 --> 00:01:17,409 So I'll be taking this, because I'm your R.A. 31 00:01:17,520 --> 00:01:18,726 - Hey, no, I didn't mean all that. 32 00:01:18,840 --> 00:01:20,001 Come on, man, just gimme a break. 33 00:01:20,120 --> 00:01:21,963 - There are no breaks in college! 34 00:01:22,080 --> 00:01:24,811 Oh, hey, hey, hey! Cut it out! Pull those up! 35 00:01:24,920 --> 00:01:27,082 - I'm sorry, I was so close to finishing 36 00:01:27,200 --> 00:01:28,611 when you came in, initially. 37 00:01:28,720 --> 00:01:29,801 - You're lucky I don't write you up. 38 00:01:29,920 --> 00:01:31,922 All right, you two are 39 00:01:32,040 --> 00:01:34,008 on my s-h-i-t list. 40 00:01:34,120 --> 00:01:35,281 And it's a shortlist. 41 00:01:35,400 --> 00:01:40,281 It's too long. T-o-o long. 42 00:01:40,400 --> 00:01:42,209 Welcome to college. 43 00:01:42,320 --> 00:01:45,881 - But that's my microwave! 44 00:01:46,040 --> 00:01:47,565 - Greetings, earthlings. 45 00:01:47,680 --> 00:01:49,523 Anders Holmvik, resident advisor. 46 00:01:49,640 --> 00:01:51,847 - So are you gonna be turned around for a while, 47 00:01:51,960 --> 00:01:53,610 Of... 48 00:01:53,720 --> 00:01:56,610 [Vanessa Carlton's A Thousand Miles] 49 00:01:56,760 --> 00:01:58,524 $5' 50 00:01:58,680 --> 00:02:01,160 ♪ It's always times like these when I think of you ♪ 51 00:02:01,280 --> 00:02:05,569 ♪ And I wonder if you ever think of me ♪ 52 00:02:05,800 --> 00:02:08,724 - What to do to die today at a minute or two to two. 53 00:02:08,840 --> 00:02:12,162 - Hey, dude, they give you pudding, man. 54 00:02:12,280 --> 00:02:13,930 - Hey, dude. - You go in the cafeteria, 55 00:02:14,040 --> 00:02:15,405 and you just swipe a card, and they give you 56 00:02:15,520 --> 00:02:17,045 as much pudding as you want. - Oh, cool. 57 00:02:17,160 --> 00:02:18,571 - What's this, your schedule? - Yeah, yeah. 58 00:02:18,680 --> 00:02:22,366 - What's up with all this theater, man? 59 00:02:22,480 --> 00:02:25,563 - Well, I'm a theater major, so- 60 00:02:25,680 --> 00:02:28,160 Yeah, I caught the acting bug pretty bad. 61 00:02:28,280 --> 00:02:30,965 But yeah, I already auditioned for the fall production- 62 00:02:31,080 --> 00:02:32,764 Les Miserables. - That's cool. 63 00:02:32,920 --> 00:02:34,968 So can you, like, cry on command and stuff? 64 00:02:35,080 --> 00:02:36,809 - Oh, yeah, it's easy. 65 00:02:36,920 --> 00:02:38,809 Think of something really sad real quick. 66 00:02:38,920 --> 00:02:40,365 Like, a bundle of babies exploding, 67 00:02:40,480 --> 00:02:42,084 or, like, dogs exploding. 68 00:02:42,200 --> 00:02:44,248 Or, like-like, maybe your mom's really sick, 69 00:02:44,360 --> 00:02:47,603 or you, like, walked in on, like-on her rape. 70 00:02:47,720 --> 00:02:49,643 You know, stop him. You can't stop him 71 00:02:49,760 --> 00:02:50,966 because he's bigger than you. 72 00:02:51,080 --> 00:02:54,129 Like, you just think of that... 73 00:02:57,960 --> 00:03:02,602 - Oh, that hit so close to home for me. 74 00:03:02,720 --> 00:03:05,246 My dog actually exploded when I was a kid. 75 00:03:05,360 --> 00:03:06,885 - I'm sorry, I didn't mean to- - It's okay. 76 00:03:07,040 --> 00:03:09,441 You are a really good actor. - Thank you. 77 00:03:09,560 --> 00:03:11,005 - You're like Seann Williams Scott. 78 00:03:11,120 --> 00:03:12,201 You're at a Seann Williams Scott level. 79 00:03:12,320 --> 00:03:13,685 - Thank you. Thank you. 80 00:03:13,800 --> 00:03:15,290 Well, you know, it's just living truthfully 81 00:03:15,400 --> 00:03:18,006 in imaginary circumstances, and whatever. 82 00:03:18,120 --> 00:03:20,407 Enough about me. What's-what's on your schedule? 83 00:03:20,520 --> 00:03:23,888 - Oh, me... Women's Sexuality, 84 00:03:24,000 --> 00:03:27,209 Sexual Revolution, the Human Body, 85 00:03:27,320 --> 00:03:29,641 Remedial Math... 86 00:03:29,760 --> 00:03:31,649 the Bible as Literature. 87 00:03:31,760 --> 00:03:33,444 I'm doing that for my GF. 88 00:03:33,560 --> 00:03:36,325 - Get the heck out of here. You already scored a girlfriend? 89 00:03:36,440 --> 00:03:37,851 - Oh, no, she's back in high school. 90 00:03:37,960 --> 00:03:39,644 We're, like, crazy religious, though. 91 00:03:39,760 --> 00:03:42,240 We always get on our knees... and pray to Jesus. 92 00:03:42,360 --> 00:03:44,010 Not orally, please. - Oh. 93 00:03:44,160 --> 00:03:45,764 - You know, she's actually coming next weekend. 94 00:03:45,880 --> 00:03:48,121 We'll go see you act the fuck out of that play, dude. 95 00:03:48,240 --> 00:03:49,765 - Uh, that's not for a while. 96 00:03:49,880 --> 00:03:52,611 Plus, I already got cast as, like, a police officer. 97 00:03:52,720 --> 00:03:54,882 I'm just in the background. I don't even have lines. 98 00:03:55,000 --> 00:03:56,126 - What? - Yeah, I know. 99 00:03:56,240 --> 00:03:57,526 It's just a popularity contest 100 00:03:57,640 --> 00:03:58,721 when you get down to it. 101 00:03:58,880 --> 00:04:00,530 - Whoa, man. 102 00:04:00,640 --> 00:04:02,608 I'm, like, the most popular dude in my high school 103 00:04:02,760 --> 00:04:04,125 now that I've graduated high school, 104 00:04:04,240 --> 00:04:08,086 and I am throwing you... a party, bro, 105 00:04:08,200 --> 00:04:10,407 so you can infiltrate that theater-nerd crew. 106 00:04:10,560 --> 00:04:11,800 - Like in Mean Girls. 107 00:04:11,920 --> 00:04:13,445 ' Yes! ' [laughs] 108 00:04:13,560 --> 00:04:15,608 - You know, Mean Girls is my favorite movie. 109 00:04:15,720 --> 00:04:17,245 - It's mine too. 110 00:04:17,400 --> 00:04:18,765 Both: The DVD special commentary... 111 00:04:18,880 --> 00:04:20,370 - o . I 112 00:04:20,480 --> 00:04:22,403 - Listen to it. Lindsayjust tells all. 113 00:04:22,520 --> 00:04:23,567 - Oh, yeah. 114 00:04:23,680 --> 00:04:25,444 - Tina Fey. 115 00:04:25,560 --> 00:04:27,449 - You growing your hair out for Jesus Christ Superstar? 116 00:04:27,560 --> 00:04:28,766 That's really cool. - It looks great. 117 00:04:28,880 --> 00:04:30,325 That's dedication. I love it. 118 00:04:30,440 --> 00:04:32,568 - How about we celebrate my first night in college 119 00:04:32,680 --> 00:04:34,967 with a little... finger sinning? 120 00:04:35,080 --> 00:04:36,081 - Oh, my gosh, you're so bad. 121 00:04:36,200 --> 00:04:37,201 - We could try for two. - Stop. 122 00:04:37,320 --> 00:04:38,560 - I wanna try two. 123 00:04:38,680 --> 00:04:40,523 - You wanna try two? Oh, my gosh. 124 00:04:40,640 --> 00:04:42,244 - Adam. Adam. 125 00:04:42,360 --> 00:04:44,044 The student director of Les Mis, he's here. 126 00:04:44,160 --> 00:04:46,162 He actually came. - Yes! 127 00:04:46,280 --> 00:04:48,248 - Cranium? The children's game? 128 00:04:48,360 --> 00:04:49,361 No, thank you. 129 00:04:49,480 --> 00:04:50,811 - This is great, dude. 130 00:04:50,920 --> 00:04:52,331 This is exactly why we threw the party. 131 00:04:52,440 --> 00:04:53,805 - Oh, no, I can't do it, man. 132 00:04:53,920 --> 00:04:55,524 I'm gonna blow it again. I'm too nervous. 133 00:04:55,640 --> 00:04:56,801 - Don't get nervous. 134 00:04:56,920 --> 00:04:59,048 Smoke a little chron-chron, my baby. 135 00:04:59,160 --> 00:05:00,844 - I've never tried it. 136 00:05:00,960 --> 00:05:04,089 - I have a bevy of mixers off-campus to attend. 137 00:05:04,240 --> 00:05:06,004 Do you know about off-campus? 138 00:05:06,120 --> 00:05:07,167 Or are you only aware of the world 139 00:05:07,280 --> 00:05:08,611 immediately in front of you? 140 00:05:08,720 --> 00:05:10,563 Yes, look at that, it's time for me to go. 141 00:05:10,680 --> 00:05:11,886 - It's showtime, bro-time. 142 00:05:12,040 --> 00:05:15,442 - Uh, actually, wait right here. 143 00:05:15,560 --> 00:05:17,244 [knock on door] - Uh-oh, guys, 144 00:05:17,360 --> 00:05:19,931 I wonder who's knick-knocking at our door. 145 00:05:20,040 --> 00:05:22,247 Who's here right now? This is weird, because 146 00:05:22,360 --> 00:05:24,328 all my friends are here. Is it... 147 00:05:24,440 --> 00:05:27,842 [gasps] the Napoleon Dynamite? 148 00:05:27,960 --> 00:05:31,248 - [imitating Napoleon Dynamite] Gosh! Gosh... 149 00:05:31,360 --> 00:05:33,886 Gosh. 150 00:05:34,000 --> 00:05:35,047 Gosh! [door shuts] 151 00:05:35,160 --> 00:05:37,527 - Wow, he is a true talent. 152 00:05:37,640 --> 00:05:39,085 You should probably cast him 153 00:05:39,200 --> 00:05:40,201 in the miserable lesbian play you're doing. 154 00:05:40,360 --> 00:05:41,407 - Mm, no. 155 00:05:41,520 --> 00:05:43,170 - Come on, Tina, eat your dinner, 156 00:05:43,320 --> 00:05:45,163 you fat tub of lard! 157 00:05:45,320 --> 00:05:46,845 - From the movie! Tina, from the mo- 158 00:05:46,960 --> 00:05:49,281 [applause] - Thanks. Vote for Pedro. 159 00:05:49,400 --> 00:05:50,401 - That was a funny part- "liger." 160 00:05:50,520 --> 00:05:51,521 - What the hell is going on in here? 161 00:05:51,640 --> 00:05:53,290 Why is everyone clapping? 162 00:05:53,400 --> 00:05:55,084 Is that music? - Chill out, man. 163 00:05:55,200 --> 00:05:57,441 Take a seat, grab a beer. - You know what? It's 9:30, 164 00:05:57,560 --> 00:05:59,210 and you live on the swim team floor. 165 00:05:59,320 --> 00:06:01,846 We hit the water at 6:00 A.M. For an 800 skip 'em. 166 00:06:01,960 --> 00:06:03,849 Which means lights out at 10:00. 167 00:06:03,960 --> 00:06:05,610 Which tells me you need to brush your teeth 168 00:06:05,760 --> 00:06:06,807 and get on your jammy-jams. 169 00:06:06,920 --> 00:06:08,729 - Hey, come on, man. 170 00:06:08,840 --> 00:06:10,285 [a la Napoleon Dynamite] You're being a frickin' idiot! 171 00:06:10,400 --> 00:06:11,481 - I'm not an idiot. I'm a smart person. 172 00:06:11,640 --> 00:06:12,641 Everybody out of here. Come on! 173 00:06:12,760 --> 00:06:13,921 - See you at class tomorrow. 174 00:06:14,040 --> 00:06:15,883 - I'm remembering all your faces. 175 00:06:16,000 --> 00:06:18,082 Scanning them now. 176 00:06:18,200 --> 00:06:20,009 - Hey, babe. 177 00:06:20,120 --> 00:06:22,487 - Um, I'll just drive home and come back next weekend. 178 00:06:22,600 --> 00:06:25,046 - I swear to you, next weekend... 179 00:06:25,160 --> 00:06:28,642 I'm gonna finger bang you so good-l swear to God. 180 00:06:28,760 --> 00:06:30,649 Or other stuff, you know. It depen- 181 00:06:30,760 --> 00:06:32,683 Whatever you want to- okay. How do you feel? 182 00:06:32,800 --> 00:06:34,290 That girl's probably gonna kill herself 183 00:06:34,400 --> 00:06:35,526 because I don't get to finger bang her. 184 00:06:35,640 --> 00:06:37,404 - Sure. - Yeah, what the heck, man! 185 00:06:37,520 --> 00:06:39,090 I was just about to do the tetherball scene! 186 00:06:39,200 --> 00:06:40,326 And then you came in and made me look like 187 00:06:40,440 --> 00:06:41,930 an amateur in front of my director. 188 00:06:42,040 --> 00:06:43,326 - Yeah, you're crampin' our stees. 189 00:06:43,440 --> 00:06:44,930 - You know what's amateur? 190 00:06:45,040 --> 00:06:46,485 Doing a Napoleon Dynamite impression 191 00:06:46,600 --> 00:06:48,762 and not wearing moon boots. - Oh... 192 00:06:48,880 --> 00:06:50,325 - Welcome to college... again. 193 00:06:50,440 --> 00:06:52,204 Lights out, girls. 194 00:06:52,320 --> 00:06:54,402 Lights out. - Holmvik. 195 00:06:54,520 --> 00:06:57,364 You shut down that party? - Oh, hey, Lance, yeah. 196 00:06:57,520 --> 00:06:58,965 Dude, I went in there, and I was, like, 197 00:06:59,080 --> 00:07:00,525 [imitates explosion] 'Who's clapping? 198 00:07:00,640 --> 00:07:02,483 Why are you clapping?" Then I heard music, 199 00:07:02,600 --> 00:07:03,840 and I couldn't find it at first, but then I found it. 200 00:07:03,960 --> 00:07:05,769 I shut it off, so we can hit the hay. 201 00:07:05,880 --> 00:07:07,325 - Actually, me and the distance guys are 202 00:07:07,440 --> 00:07:08,601 getting in there first thing in the morning, 203 00:07:08,720 --> 00:07:09,846 so you need to run down to the pool 204 00:07:09,960 --> 00:07:11,200 and change the lanes to short course. 205 00:07:11,320 --> 00:07:12,731 - Wait, what if- 206 00:07:12,840 --> 00:07:14,285 what if we woke up some of the freshmen 207 00:07:14,400 --> 00:07:15,925 and made them do it? Freak 'em out, right? 208 00:07:16,080 --> 00:07:18,162 And go, "You gotta go change the lane lines now!" 209 00:07:18,280 --> 00:07:20,282 - Is that a joke? - No. 210 00:07:20,400 --> 00:07:21,640 - Dude, you know that hazing is a really serious offense? 211 00:07:21,760 --> 00:07:23,444 - Right. - If I wanted a joke, 212 00:07:23,560 --> 00:07:25,164 I would turn on Mind of Mencia, 213 00:07:25,280 --> 00:07:27,169 and I would just laugh my shaft off. 214 00:07:27,280 --> 00:07:29,647 - All right, well, I'll just, uh- 215 00:07:29,800 --> 00:07:30,801 I'll go change those lane lines. 216 00:07:30,920 --> 00:07:31,921 - Yeah. Thanks, man. Oh-ho! 217 00:07:32,040 --> 00:07:33,371 - Ow. - And you know what? 218 00:07:33,480 --> 00:07:34,527 You should probably lay off the enchiladas 219 00:07:34,680 --> 00:07:36,762 in the cat. - Oh, okay. 220 00:07:36,880 --> 00:07:39,850 I will...if you do. 221 00:07:39,960 --> 00:07:40,961 'Cause I think you need to lay off 222 00:07:41,080 --> 00:07:42,844 the enchiladas in the caf. 223 00:07:42,960 --> 00:07:44,849 - No, Holmvik, I'm not joking. 224 00:07:44,960 --> 00:07:48,328 You're growing tits. 225 00:07:48,440 --> 00:07:50,681 - Oh, all right... 226 00:07:50,800 --> 00:07:52,643 I'll lay off. 227 00:07:52,760 --> 00:07:54,808 [beatboxing] 228 00:07:56,800 --> 00:07:58,564 - ♪ Skinny Boys in the place ♪ 229 00:07:58,680 --> 00:08:03,402 - That guy totally ruined my Dynamite Napoleon impression. 230 00:08:03,520 --> 00:08:05,284 [sighs] Now what? 231 00:08:05,400 --> 00:08:07,243 I'm working on Shrek, but... 232 00:08:07,360 --> 00:08:10,170 [imitating Shrek's brogue] It's years away, Donkey. 233 00:08:10,280 --> 00:08:14,888 - Jesus Christ... you ooze talent. 234 00:08:15,000 --> 00:08:16,729 That was disgusting. 235 00:08:16,840 --> 00:08:18,410 And I can't even concentrate on that 236 00:08:18,560 --> 00:08:20,244 because I'm too busy hating that dude. 237 00:08:20,360 --> 00:08:21,885 - I don't blame the guy, though. 238 00:08:22,000 --> 00:08:23,604 He's cranky 'cause he has to wake up so early 239 00:08:23,720 --> 00:08:24,926 for swim practice. 240 00:08:25,040 --> 00:08:27,611 You know what? 241 00:08:27,720 --> 00:08:30,769 Maybe we need to make it so that he never, ever wakes up 242 00:08:30,880 --> 00:08:32,564 for swim practice again. 243 00:08:32,680 --> 00:08:36,401 One time I went swimming in, like, the neighbors pool 244 00:08:36,520 --> 00:08:38,204 when they had just shocked it with chlorine. 245 00:08:38,320 --> 00:08:40,163 My skin got all fiery red, 246 00:08:40,280 --> 00:08:42,009 and my hair straightened out for, like, a month. 247 00:08:42,120 --> 00:08:44,009 - When I was a toddler, I actually fell 248 00:08:44,120 --> 00:08:46,009 into a washing machine full of bleach, 249 00:08:46,120 --> 00:08:47,531 and I didn't get itchy at all. 250 00:08:47,640 --> 00:08:50,803 I did die, though... for, like, four minutes. 251 00:08:50,920 --> 00:08:52,524 The doctors said they couldn't believe 252 00:08:52,640 --> 00:08:54,244 how much brain damage I didn't get. 253 00:08:54,360 --> 00:08:56,203 They were, like, really impressed. 254 00:08:56,320 --> 00:08:58,800 That was fun. You wanna do another story battle? 255 00:08:58,920 --> 00:09:01,127 I kicked your ass. 256 00:09:01,240 --> 00:09:02,571 - No. I just brought that up because I thought 257 00:09:02,680 --> 00:09:04,887 we could maybe shock this pool. 258 00:09:05,000 --> 00:09:07,048 - Good ide- You should have just said that. 259 00:09:07,160 --> 00:09:08,491 - Now we're talking. 260 00:09:08,600 --> 00:09:10,568 One of these has got to do the trick. 261 00:09:10,680 --> 00:09:14,048 - There's, like, 60 more back there, man. 262 00:09:14,160 --> 00:09:15,366 - All right. 263 00:09:15,480 --> 00:09:17,050 - You think this is funny? 264 00:09:17,200 --> 00:09:19,726 I just send you down to change the lanes, 265 00:09:19,840 --> 00:09:20,921 and you poison the whole team? 266 00:09:21,080 --> 00:09:22,889 Look at Freddy. 267 00:09:23,040 --> 00:09:24,963 - I didn't do this. I swear. 268 00:09:25,080 --> 00:09:26,127 - And you know what? I'm not ready to lose 269 00:09:26,240 --> 00:09:27,571 to another fuckin' Vanderkaay, 270 00:09:27,680 --> 00:09:29,170 so, Anders... 271 00:09:29,280 --> 00:09:31,362 there's a chain of command in swimming, 272 00:09:31,480 --> 00:09:33,960 and you are off the chain. - Thank you. 273 00:09:34,080 --> 00:09:37,243 - No, I mean that you're off the team. 274 00:09:37,360 --> 00:09:40,364 - What? Coach? - Empty out your locker. 275 00:09:40,480 --> 00:09:42,926 Yowre g°'\el 276 00:09:43,040 --> 00:09:44,849 Get your tits off this decld 277 00:09:44,960 --> 00:09:47,645 - Softy. The big softy. - Mm-hmm. 278 00:09:47,760 --> 00:09:50,127 - Hey, there. What's the matter? 279 00:09:50,240 --> 00:09:52,242 Swim practice canceled? 280 00:09:52,400 --> 00:09:54,687 - Uh, yeah. 281 00:09:54,800 --> 00:09:56,848 - That's cool. At least you get to sleep in, right? 282 00:09:56,960 --> 00:10:00,203 - Actually, they, um... they kicked me off the team 283 00:10:00,320 --> 00:10:03,324 and took my scholarship, so... 284 00:10:03,440 --> 00:10:04,805 I'm kinda screwed since my dad's making me 285 00:10:04,920 --> 00:10:07,400 pay my way through school. Whatever. 286 00:10:07,520 --> 00:10:11,002 Ex-jock coming through. Heads up. 287 00:10:11,120 --> 00:10:13,168 [knock on door] 288 00:10:13,280 --> 00:10:15,521 - Hey, we just wanted to check on you 289 00:10:15,640 --> 00:10:17,324 because you were crying pretty hard in the shower. 290 00:10:17,440 --> 00:10:19,329 - Frosh dogs, get in here and help me 291 00:10:19,440 --> 00:10:21,010 polish off this case, 292 00:10:21,120 --> 00:10:23,009 seeing as that I'm not even your R.A. anymore. 293 00:10:23,120 --> 00:10:24,645 - All right. - Yeah, come on in. 294 00:10:24,760 --> 00:10:27,081 - These were actually our beers from before, so- 295 00:10:27,200 --> 00:10:28,565 - Oh, these are yours? - Yeah, these are ours. 296 00:10:28,680 --> 00:10:30,125 - Sony 297 00:10:30,240 --> 00:10:32,686 - So you guys wanna make a toast or something? 298 00:10:32,800 --> 00:10:35,451 To...uh... let's get drunld 299 00:10:35,560 --> 00:10:37,449 - Yeah! - Now we're talkin'. 300 00:10:37,560 --> 00:10:38,686 - All right! 301 00:10:38,800 --> 00:10:39,801 One, two, three, chug race. 302 00:10:39,920 --> 00:10:42,127 All: chug race! 303 00:10:42,240 --> 00:10:44,288 - You chug it, boy. Chug it! 304 00:10:44,400 --> 00:10:46,926 - And that's a figure-four, baby! 305 00:10:47,080 --> 00:10:50,527 - Oh... oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh. 306 00:10:50,640 --> 00:10:54,326 ♪ You work at a smile and you go for a ride ♪ 307 00:10:54,440 --> 00:10:58,570 ♪ You had a bad day, the camera don't lie ♪ 308 00:10:58,720 --> 00:11:00,290 ♪ You're coming back down ♪ 309 00:11:00,400 --> 00:11:01,890 ♪ And you really don't mind ♪ - [belches] 310 00:11:02,000 --> 00:11:05,004 - ♪ You had a bad day ♪ [laughter] 311 00:11:05,120 --> 00:11:07,043 ♪ You had a bad day ♪ 312 00:11:07,160 --> 00:11:09,640 - Yeah, I just- you know, I gotta go. 313 00:11:09,760 --> 00:11:14,402 I gotta get going, so... um. . .thanks... 314 00:11:14,520 --> 00:11:15,726 and good-bye forever. 315 00:11:15,840 --> 00:11:17,729 - Yeah, bye forever. 316 00:11:17,840 --> 00:11:19,046 - Bye forever. 317 00:11:19,160 --> 00:11:20,491 - Yep- 318 00:11:20,600 --> 00:11:23,649 - [sighs] Pbbbbbbb... 319 00:11:23,760 --> 00:11:25,285 - So that guy's gonna kill himself, right? 320 00:11:25,400 --> 00:11:26,606 - Yeah. Mm-hmm. - All right. 321 00:11:26,720 --> 00:11:29,291 We're throwing you a party. - What? 322 00:11:29,400 --> 00:11:30,526 - Yeah, we're throwing you a massive party 323 00:11:30,640 --> 00:11:31,926 that everybody's gonna come to. 324 00:11:32,040 --> 00:11:33,041 And we're gonna make enough money 325 00:11:33,160 --> 00:11:34,764 to keep you in school for now. 326 00:11:34,920 --> 00:11:36,604 - Like Van Wilder? - Yeah, like a lot of movies. 327 00:11:36,720 --> 00:11:39,849 - I'm Teck. - All we need is beer... 328 00:11:39,960 --> 00:11:42,008 and drugs... - And titties. 329 00:11:42,120 --> 00:11:44,168 You gots ta have some titties, baby. 330 00:11:44,280 --> 00:11:46,886 - Well, I got one of those covered. 331 00:11:47,000 --> 00:11:48,570 - Yeah, what is up with your moobs? 332 00:11:48,680 --> 00:11:51,923 - What? Oh, no, I'm talking about booze. 333 00:11:53,800 --> 00:11:55,131 Confiscated. 334 00:11:55,240 --> 00:11:56,401 - Seriously, though, about those titties- 335 00:11:56,520 --> 00:11:57,521 can I feel them? 336 00:11:57,640 --> 00:11:58,641 - You know, a lot of people try 337 00:11:58,760 --> 00:11:59,761 and suck their own dick. 338 00:11:59,880 --> 00:12:01,325 I can titty fuck myself. 339 00:12:01,440 --> 00:12:03,442 [beatboxing] 340 00:12:03,560 --> 00:12:04,925 - ♪ Fresh, fresh, fresh ♪ 341 00:12:06,880 --> 00:12:08,325 [beatboxing] 342 00:12:08,440 --> 00:12:10,169 - ♪ Do what? ♪ 343 00:12:10,280 --> 00:12:13,170 [hip-hop music] 344 00:12:13,280 --> 00:12:19,322 $5' 345 00:12:19,440 --> 00:12:21,681 - Party police. We're stealing the party. 346 00:12:21,840 --> 00:12:23,729 - Show up, man, it's gonna be cool. 347 00:12:23,840 --> 00:12:26,810 - Party police! [overlapping chatter] 348 00:12:26,920 --> 00:12:28,604 - Party police! EVGTYDOUY Stop partying! 349 00:12:28,720 --> 00:12:29,846 Give me that Smirnoff Ice! 350 00:12:29,960 --> 00:12:31,724 - If you guys want to party, 351 00:12:31,840 --> 00:12:32,966 there will be a school-sanctioned rager. 352 00:12:33,080 --> 00:12:36,971 $5. You can get all your booze back. 353 00:12:37,080 --> 00:12:38,969 - We're party policemen! Give us your booze! 354 00:12:39,080 --> 00:12:41,003 - So what now? I mean, why are we here? 355 00:12:41,120 --> 00:12:42,963 - Oh, we're looking for a drug dealer. 356 00:12:43,080 --> 00:12:44,969 You know, my theater department colleagues, 357 00:12:45,080 --> 00:12:46,525 they swear by this guy. - Cool. 358 00:12:46,640 --> 00:12:48,290 - All right. - Let's do it. 359 00:12:48,400 --> 00:12:49,401 - We'll probably have to get really high 360 00:12:49,520 --> 00:12:52,444 just to get through the day. 361 00:12:52,560 --> 00:12:53,607 - Hey! Hey, What are you doing? 362 00:12:53,720 --> 00:12:55,370 - Sorry. I'm sorry. 363 00:12:55,480 --> 00:12:57,289 - That's people's work. You can't graffiti here. 364 00:12:57,400 --> 00:12:59,607 - Hey, fuck you! - Oh, we got a clever one. 365 00:12:59,720 --> 00:13:01,131 - Hey, what's your name? 366 00:13:01,240 --> 00:13:03,766 - Look out. Here, I'll get him. 367 00:13:05,960 --> 00:13:08,201 - Looks about right. 368 00:13:10,280 --> 00:13:12,282 - You mean genius. 369 00:13:12,400 --> 00:13:14,846 - Hey, wait. - Wait! 370 00:13:14,960 --> 00:13:15,961 - We just want to buy some weed. 371 00:13:16,080 --> 00:13:17,650 - Weed? 372 00:13:17,760 --> 00:13:20,127 - Oh, hell, yeah, bitch. 373 00:13:20,240 --> 00:13:22,720 - I'm attacking you with my butterfly kisses. 374 00:13:22,840 --> 00:13:24,604 - You guys, we've already got a couple thousand bucks. 375 00:13:24,720 --> 00:13:25,881 This party's going great! 376 00:13:26,000 --> 00:13:27,968 - Whoa, nice. 377 00:13:28,080 --> 00:13:30,128 - I need a drink. - Awesome. I love you so much. 378 00:13:30,240 --> 00:13:31,890 Get me a beer, woman! 379 00:13:32,040 --> 00:13:34,646 I'm like my dad. He talks that way to my mom. 380 00:13:34,760 --> 00:13:37,001 - Your dad talks like that? - Yeah. 381 00:13:37,120 --> 00:13:40,408 - Oh! Guys, I'm not gonna lie, I am so nervous. 382 00:13:40,520 --> 00:13:41,931 I invited Fritz here and, you know, 383 00:13:42,040 --> 00:13:44,247 he's already seen that I can do comedy, 384 00:13:44,360 --> 00:13:46,283 so I prepared a dramatic piece for him. 385 00:13:46,400 --> 00:13:48,971 So I'm gonna do this stirring monologue 386 00:13:49,080 --> 00:13:52,926 from Tim Curry in the quintessential film Congo. 387 00:13:53,040 --> 00:13:55,042 It's an American classic. - Mm-hmm. 388 00:13:55,160 --> 00:13:56,810 - You have no reason to be nervous. 389 00:13:56,920 --> 00:13:58,490 I'm the one who's about to propose to my girlfriend. 390 00:13:58,600 --> 00:14:00,602 - What? - A lifelong commitment. 391 00:14:00,720 --> 00:14:01,960 - You're joking, right? 392 00:14:02,080 --> 00:14:04,924 - I don't joke about love, Anders. 393 00:14:05,040 --> 00:14:06,121 - [correcting] On-ders. 394 00:14:06,280 --> 00:14:07,281 - I used to cut myself 395 00:14:07,400 --> 00:14:08,401 to Dashboard Confessional. 396 00:14:08,520 --> 00:14:10,204 I love love, okay? 397 00:14:10,320 --> 00:14:11,685 - Um, here's a joke. 398 00:14:11,800 --> 00:14:13,802 What did three girls say to the one dude? 399 00:14:13,920 --> 00:14:17,527 - So you, like, really love her. That's cool. 400 00:14:17,640 --> 00:14:19,688 - Ehh, well, she's really the only chick 401 00:14:19,800 --> 00:14:21,802 that lets me make out with her until my tongue hurts. 402 00:14:21,960 --> 00:14:26,648 She's kind of my last shot at lifelong happiness. 403 00:14:26,800 --> 00:14:28,325 Wish me luck. 404 00:14:28,440 --> 00:14:31,091 - All right. Don't blow it. [chuckles] 405 00:14:31,200 --> 00:14:34,727 Don't blow it like I'm about to. 406 00:14:34,840 --> 00:14:37,127 - Hey, buddy, I couldn't help but overhear 407 00:14:37,240 --> 00:14:39,481 you're being a little nervous Nelly Furtado. 408 00:14:39,600 --> 00:14:41,011 - Yeah, I guess. 409 00:14:41,120 --> 00:14:43,566 - You need a friend? - Oh, nah. 410 00:14:43,680 --> 00:14:45,489 Bleh! No. Don't do it. 411 00:14:45,600 --> 00:14:47,682 - Blake, try it once, man. Look at me, man. 412 00:14:47,800 --> 00:14:49,006 I got it all figured out, buddy. 413 00:14:49,120 --> 00:14:51,691 - Did it cause your eye to do that, or- 414 00:14:51,800 --> 00:14:53,006 - No, I was born with that. - Oh, okay. 415 00:14:53,160 --> 00:14:54,446 Then, yeah, I'll give it a shot. 416 00:14:54,560 --> 00:14:56,210 - Doesn't help, I'll tell you that much. 417 00:14:56,320 --> 00:14:59,642 - Where are my beers? - Oh! 418 00:14:59,760 --> 00:15:01,842 I was just looking for some cranberry juice. 419 00:15:02,000 --> 00:15:05,049 - Well... look no further. 420 00:15:08,400 --> 00:15:09,765 Will you marry me? 421 00:15:09,880 --> 00:15:12,565 - Adam, are you- are you kidding? 422 00:15:12,720 --> 00:15:14,210 I'm 16. 423 00:15:14,320 --> 00:15:16,766 - Debatably the sexiest age. 424 00:15:16,880 --> 00:15:18,962 We doing this or are you gonna pussy out on me? 425 00:15:19,080 --> 00:15:20,491 Chicken. 426 00:15:20,600 --> 00:15:23,729 - Adam, no, I- I don't understand what- 427 00:15:23,840 --> 00:15:25,205 - Or, I don't know, 428 00:15:25,360 --> 00:15:28,045 you can knock off all that God stuff, right? 429 00:15:28,160 --> 00:15:31,448 And just, pbbbbb... fug me hard. 430 00:15:31,560 --> 00:15:33,688 - Well- - Hit that caboose. 431 00:15:33,800 --> 00:15:36,690 - No, Adam, my faith means everything to me. 432 00:15:36,800 --> 00:15:38,484 - Forever? 433 00:15:38,600 --> 00:15:40,762 - I am not having sex until I'm married. 434 00:15:40,880 --> 00:15:44,680 - Yeah, duh. You thick? 435 00:15:44,800 --> 00:15:46,370 You dumb-dumb. 436 00:15:46,480 --> 00:15:47,561 Obviously, that's why I'm proposing to you. 437 00:15:47,680 --> 00:15:49,125 - You know what, Adam, 438 00:15:49,240 --> 00:15:50,810 I think we should take some time off. 439 00:15:50,920 --> 00:15:51,921 And I'll pray for you. 440 00:15:52,040 --> 00:15:54,281 - You'll be in my prayers. 441 00:15:54,400 --> 00:15:55,925 You still want me to call you out of class on Tuesday? 442 00:15:56,040 --> 00:15:57,485 I'll take you to Sonic. 443 00:15:57,640 --> 00:16:00,086 Wow, okay, you give your heart to someone, right? 444 00:16:00,200 --> 00:16:01,690 And they just rip it out 445 00:16:01,800 --> 00:16:03,802 and shit in the heart cavity area. 446 00:16:03,920 --> 00:16:06,082 College sucks. It's stupid. 447 00:16:06,200 --> 00:16:08,248 - Really? - Yeah. 448 00:16:08,400 --> 00:16:10,129 - I'm having a really great time. 449 00:16:10,280 --> 00:16:11,850 - Really? 450 00:16:11,960 --> 00:16:13,769 - Of course, I'm from a boring small town 451 00:16:13,880 --> 00:16:17,771 with one stoplight, so this is-this is fun for me. 452 00:16:17,880 --> 00:16:21,248 - How religious are you? 453 00:16:21,360 --> 00:16:23,647 - I wish this was real. [pistol clicks] 454 00:16:23,760 --> 00:16:25,728 [laughter] He would have murdered her. 455 00:16:25,880 --> 00:16:30,044 - Hey, it's Blake, right? - Who the fuck is this? 456 00:16:30,160 --> 00:16:32,128 - I saw you on campus earlier, and I've gotta say, 457 00:16:32,240 --> 00:16:35,050 pretty convincing French police officer. 458 00:16:35,160 --> 00:16:36,321 - Thank you. - How would you like to be 459 00:16:36,440 --> 00:16:38,329 the understudy of Javert 460 00:16:38,440 --> 00:16:41,649 in this years production of Les Mis? 461 00:16:41,760 --> 00:16:43,125 - Understudy. 462 00:16:43,240 --> 00:16:46,528 How 'bout, uh, you study under my nut sack? 463 00:16:46,640 --> 00:16:47,846 - Oh! ['aU9hter] 464 00:16:47,960 --> 00:16:49,689 - Right under there. - There it is. 465 00:16:49,800 --> 00:16:52,121 - There it is. - Sorry, is that a no? 466 00:16:52,280 --> 00:16:56,251 - Fritz, life is a stage. - Correct. 467 00:16:56,360 --> 00:16:59,489 - Smoke weed until you die. - That's right. That's right. 468 00:16:59,600 --> 00:17:01,967 - Now, why don't you go direct yourself over 469 00:17:02,120 --> 00:17:05,249 to the snack shack and get daddy some airheads? 470 00:17:05,360 --> 00:17:06,771 - Bounce, man. 471 00:17:06,920 --> 00:17:08,649 - Okay, I will bounce, thank you. 472 00:17:08,760 --> 00:17:10,250 - Bye. - That was good, man. 473 00:17:10,360 --> 00:17:12,044 Acting's for chicks, anyways. 474 00:17:12,160 --> 00:17:13,525 - Yo, dudes, check it out. 475 00:17:13,640 --> 00:17:16,484 One semester in cash. We did it. 476 00:17:16,600 --> 00:17:18,090 - Oh, man, that is so awesome 477 00:17:18,200 --> 00:17:21,283 because I was feeling very guilty about that. 478 00:17:21,400 --> 00:17:22,970 - Why are you feeling guilty, man? 479 00:17:23,080 --> 00:17:26,084 - Well- - Poon! Poon! 480 00:17:26,200 --> 00:17:28,726 Whoo! I'm on the sex train! 481 00:17:28,840 --> 00:17:30,968 - Oh, he's pounding the beef out of her. 482 00:17:31,080 --> 00:17:33,651 - This is my life! This is my life right now! 483 00:17:33,760 --> 00:17:34,966 - Don't stop. - Whoo! 484 00:17:35,080 --> 00:17:37,401 - Welcome to college. - Pooooon! 485 00:17:37,520 --> 00:17:40,603 Oh! - Aah! 486 00:17:40,720 --> 00:17:42,529 - Oh, doin' her doggy, dude. Nice. 487 00:17:42,640 --> 00:17:46,361 - My bad. Yo, guys, check me out. 488 00:17:48,680 --> 00:17:51,650 [cheers, laughter] - Dude...yeah! 489 00:17:51,760 --> 00:17:53,330 - [laughs] - That guy rules! 490 00:17:53,440 --> 00:17:56,171 - You see that? - That's my guy. 491 00:17:56,280 --> 00:17:58,487 - This is everything I've ever wanted. 492 00:17:58,600 --> 00:17:59,931 - That's it, I gotta do it. I'm next. 493 00:18:00,040 --> 00:18:01,530 I'm jumping off that thing next. - Do it. 494 00:18:01,680 --> 00:18:04,365 - No, you're not. This party's over. 495 00:18:04,520 --> 00:18:07,205 This pool is ours, and you guys all gotta get out of here. 496 00:18:07,320 --> 00:18:08,890 - No, we're not going anywhere, okay? 497 00:18:09,000 --> 00:18:10,445 This party's gonna go all night, right? 498 00:18:10,560 --> 00:18:13,006 [all cheer] 499 00:18:13,120 --> 00:18:16,283 - Yeah, all right, I could let the party ride out. 500 00:18:16,400 --> 00:18:17,845 - Cool. Thanks. 501 00:18:17,960 --> 00:18:19,644 - If you pay me. - Hew 502 00:18:19,760 --> 00:18:21,888 - Oh, no, no, no, no. That's his money. 503 00:18:22,000 --> 00:18:23,570 We-we earned that. 504 00:18:23,680 --> 00:18:25,250 - Lance, I'm not your bitch anymore, all right? 505 00:18:25,360 --> 00:18:29,251 Give it back. - Take it from me. 506 00:18:29,360 --> 00:18:31,249 - I got a better idea. 507 00:18:31,360 --> 00:18:35,843 Why don't we settle this like men...and swim for it? 508 00:18:35,960 --> 00:18:37,371 - Whoa! 509 00:18:42,160 --> 00:18:44,970 - Whooooah. Is that, like, a swimmer thing? 510 00:18:45,080 --> 00:18:48,004 - No, I didn't expect him to do that also. Damn it. 511 00:18:48,120 --> 00:18:49,724 - ♪ Skinny Boys in the place ♪ 512 00:18:51,800 --> 00:18:53,962 [beatboxing] 513 00:18:57,920 --> 00:19:00,810 - That's it, Holmvik, you're about to get lapped. 514 00:19:00,920 --> 00:19:02,206 - Suck my wake. 515 00:19:02,320 --> 00:19:04,607 - God, swimming trash talk is horrible. 516 00:19:04,720 --> 00:19:08,361 Okay, now we're gonna, uh, do the swim race. 517 00:19:08,480 --> 00:19:11,768 In three, two... 518 00:19:11,920 --> 00:19:13,126 go, start swimming now! 519 00:19:13,240 --> 00:19:15,004 - Yeah. - Yeah! 520 00:19:15,120 --> 00:19:18,044 [cheers and applause] 521 00:19:18,160 --> 00:19:20,049 Swimming! - Yeah. 522 00:19:20,160 --> 00:19:25,200 - Go, Anders. Go, Anders! 523 00:19:25,320 --> 00:19:26,731 Go, Anders! 524 00:19:26,840 --> 00:19:28,524 - Come on, Anders! 525 00:19:33,600 --> 00:19:35,409 - I thought that was gonna be it. 526 00:19:35,520 --> 00:19:36,885 This is a lot of swimming. - Yeah, I mean- 527 00:19:37,000 --> 00:19:38,889 - How much longer do we have to watch this? 528 00:19:39,000 --> 00:19:41,924 This is boring. - Wanna smoke some weed? 529 00:19:42,040 --> 00:19:43,405 - Yes, I will do anything 530 00:19:43,520 --> 00:19:45,204 besides watch these two naked dudes swim. 531 00:19:45,320 --> 00:19:47,891 - All right, everybody stay right where you are. 532 00:19:48,040 --> 00:19:51,806 - Oh...no-no running. - Stop! 533 00:19:51,960 --> 00:19:53,405 - No running. 534 00:19:53,520 --> 00:19:55,363 - Hey, tell everybody that we threw this party. 535 00:19:55,480 --> 00:19:57,209 All right, let's go, Anders, you got this. 536 00:19:57,320 --> 00:19:58,401 - You versus you. 537 00:19:58,520 --> 00:20:00,363 Oh, all right. - Hey. Ow. 538 00:20:00,480 --> 00:20:03,450 - Okay. Jesus. - Did I win? 539 00:20:03,560 --> 00:20:06,166 - Kicked off campus. 540 00:20:06,280 --> 00:20:07,930 - Wow, I did not see that coming. 541 00:20:08,040 --> 00:20:10,361 - Whatever, man. Who wants to live in the dorms anyways? 542 00:20:10,520 --> 00:20:13,285 It sucks. Now we can party like last night every night. 543 00:20:13,440 --> 00:20:15,044 I'm gonna drink and have sex so much, 544 00:20:15,160 --> 00:20:17,128 I'm probably gonna puke out my dicld 545 00:20:17,240 --> 00:20:18,765 - Yeah. - Yeah! 546 00:20:18,880 --> 00:20:21,531 - Yeah, okay, well, living off-campus is expensive. 547 00:20:21,640 --> 00:20:22,766 We might as well check out one of these jobs. 548 00:20:22,880 --> 00:20:24,166 Hello. - Hello. 549 00:20:24,280 --> 00:20:25,691 - Oh, hi, guys- 550 00:20:25,800 --> 00:20:28,610 I hope you'll consider applying to TelAmeriCorp. 551 00:20:28,720 --> 00:20:31,405 You know, telemarketing can be a very lucrative 552 00:20:31,520 --> 00:20:33,488 part-time job for a student. 553 00:20:33,600 --> 00:20:35,489 - Ha ha, no, thanks. - Yeah. 554 00:20:35,600 --> 00:20:37,170 I don't think we need to be on the phones, 555 00:20:37,280 --> 00:20:39,408 cold-calling strangers and selling steak knives or- 556 00:20:39,520 --> 00:20:40,646 I don't know what you do. - Yeah. 557 00:20:40,800 --> 00:20:42,609 We have our whole lives ahead of us, 558 00:20:42,760 --> 00:20:45,923 which are more than likely gonna be sick! 559 00:20:46,040 --> 00:20:47,121 - Yeah. [laughter] 560 00:20:47,240 --> 00:20:48,685 - Do you guys drug test? 561 00:20:48,800 --> 00:20:49,926 - Yeah. - Of course. 562 00:20:50,040 --> 00:20:51,530 - Oh! ['aU9hter] 563 00:20:51,640 --> 00:20:53,404 - Okay! That was- 564 00:20:53,560 --> 00:20:55,961 See, I told you that would happen if you wore that. 565 00:20:56,080 --> 00:20:58,128 - Is it cool if I just hang out with you guys here? 566 00:20:58,240 --> 00:21:00,129 - Nice! 567 00:21:00,240 --> 00:21:02,208 [snorting, party horn blows] 568 00:21:05,320 --> 00:21:07,084 - I just came. Did you come? - No. 569 00:21:07,240 --> 00:21:08,321 - Can girls come? - No. 570 00:21:08,440 --> 00:21:09,646 - Can girls come? - Stop talking. 571 00:21:09,760 --> 00:21:12,331 Just keep going. - Okay. My bad. 572 00:21:12,440 --> 00:21:14,010 Whoo! - [moaning] 573 00:21:14,120 --> 00:21:16,043 - Oh, the thunder rolls! - Oh, God! 574 00:21:16,160 --> 00:21:18,686 - Yes! Lightning strikes! 575 00:21:18,800 --> 00:21:19,926 Aaaaahh!