1 00:00:04,000 --> 00:00:06,731 [tires screeching] 2 00:00:06,840 --> 00:00:09,002 [rap music] 3 00:00:09,120 --> 00:00:10,849 - ♪ Show me yours ♪ 4 00:00:10,960 --> 00:00:12,644 ♪ That's right, the time has come ♪ 5 00:00:12,760 --> 00:00:14,364 ♪ To hunt some red and blue dragons ♪ 6 00:00:14,480 --> 00:00:16,403 ♪ And they on the run ♪ 7 00:00:16,520 --> 00:00:18,488 ♪ This ain't a game, dragon ♪ 8 00:00:18,600 --> 00:00:20,125 ♪ Please don't take the chance ♪ 9 00:00:20,240 --> 00:00:22,083 ♪ I got a lance in my pants ♪ 10 00:00:22,200 --> 00:00:24,202 ♪ I'm a legend like Bagger Vance ♪ 11 00:00:24,320 --> 00:00:26,891 ♪ Please believe the folklore ♪ 12 00:00:27,000 --> 00:00:28,286 ♪ I'm-a choke your neck ♪ 13 00:00:28,400 --> 00:00:30,528 ♪ I slay dragons for riches ♪ 14 00:00:30,640 --> 00:00:32,449 - Oh! - Jeez 15 00:00:32,560 --> 00:00:34,050 - Oh, my bad, dude. - Sorry, Tez. 16 00:00:34,160 --> 00:00:35,764 - That was a direct hit. That's my fault. 17 00:00:35,880 --> 00:00:38,326 I figured your big-ass nose would've deflected it. 18 00:00:38,440 --> 00:00:41,205 - You would think, but you hit me in the eye, bitch! 19 00:00:41,320 --> 00:00:43,084 - Oh, we were just trying to roll up on Waymond, really. 20 00:00:43,200 --> 00:00:44,725 - Dammit, Waymond! 21 00:00:44,840 --> 00:00:47,969 - Now you must pay. 22 00:00:49,120 --> 00:00:50,246 Man, something's jammed in this. 23 00:00:50,400 --> 00:00:51,606 - Wait, no, no! - D'oh! 24 00:00:51,720 --> 00:00:53,529 - Whoa. - God, you're a stupid mother- 25 00:00:53,640 --> 00:00:56,530 [beatboxing] 26 00:00:56,640 --> 00:00:57,766 $5' 27 00:00:57,880 --> 00:01:00,201 - ♪ I'm fresh ♪ 28 00:01:00,320 --> 00:01:01,924 - ♪ You gotta, you gotta, you gotta, you gotta ♪ 29 00:01:02,080 --> 00:01:04,082 - ♪ You gotta be fresh ♪ 30 00:01:05,640 --> 00:01:07,085 - Yo! That's point blank, man. 31 00:01:07,200 --> 00:01:08,361 Are you guys craZY? 32 00:01:08,480 --> 00:01:10,050 - Kneecaps only. - No, no! Ow! 33 00:01:10,160 --> 00:01:11,924 - Oh! - Oh, that broke skin. 34 00:01:12,040 --> 00:01:15,931 Oh, don't slip on this sale, because it is really a heater. 35 00:01:16,040 --> 00:01:17,451 - Uh, how are ya? - Give me the guns. 36 00:01:17,560 --> 00:01:18,766 - [inaudible] - Sold. 37 00:01:18,880 --> 00:01:20,484 - Now! 38 00:01:20,640 --> 00:01:22,210 - All right, but they're for protection. 39 00:01:22,320 --> 00:01:23,970 You know, it's getting dark out there. 40 00:01:24,080 --> 00:01:25,206 - I don't care, okay? - I'm gonna take the clip. 41 00:01:25,320 --> 00:01:26,924 - You are at work in an office. 42 00:01:27,040 --> 00:01:28,929 Act like it. - This is bull crap. 43 00:01:29,040 --> 00:01:31,088 We brought those guns to work fair and square. 44 00:01:31,200 --> 00:01:34,124 - You're, like, the meanest, most uncaring boss ever. 45 00:01:34,280 --> 00:01:36,521 - Oh, Blake, I'm so sorry I disappointed you. 46 00:01:36,640 --> 00:01:38,165 Get back to work. 47 00:01:38,280 --> 00:01:40,442 Jillian, come on. Let's do this video chat. 48 00:01:40,560 --> 00:01:42,927 - Well, 2012 was great for us. 49 00:01:43,080 --> 00:01:45,924 So I know working with TelAmeriCorp again in 2013 50 00:01:46,080 --> 00:01:47,525 is the right move. 51 00:01:47,640 --> 00:01:49,210 - Well, that is wonderful. 52 00:01:49,320 --> 00:01:50,731 That's exactly what we wanted to hear, Bridget. 53 00:01:50,880 --> 00:01:52,484 And I gotta say, it is so wonderful 54 00:01:52,600 --> 00:01:54,489 working with a fellow animal lover. 55 00:01:54,600 --> 00:01:56,329 - Right back at ya, Alice. 56 00:01:56,440 --> 00:01:58,249 I'll have this contract emailed to you this week. 57 00:01:58,360 --> 00:01:59,486 - That's great. 58 00:01:59,640 --> 00:02:01,324 - Beautiful birds, by the way. 59 00:02:01,440 --> 00:02:02,805 - Oh, well, thank you. 60 00:02:02,920 --> 00:02:05,571 Yeah, this one right here, African Grey. 61 00:02:05,680 --> 00:02:08,160 Wonder of the sky, I always say. 62 00:02:08,280 --> 00:02:09,486 - I do too! 63 00:02:09,600 --> 00:02:10,726 - All right, you take care, Bridget. 64 00:02:10,840 --> 00:02:12,126 - Bye. 65 00:02:12,240 --> 00:02:13,526 - Ugh, get these goddamn things off of me! 66 00:02:13,640 --> 00:02:14,766 - All right, okay. 67 00:02:14,880 --> 00:02:15,927 - [yelling] - Okay. 68 00:02:16,040 --> 00:02:17,087 - Jillian! - All right, I know. 69 00:02:17,240 --> 00:02:18,287 - Jillian! - I know. 70 00:02:18,400 --> 00:02:19,606 - Get it-ugh! - Got him. 71 00:02:19,720 --> 00:02:21,006 - I mean, Earth Pets of West Covina, 72 00:02:21,160 --> 00:02:22,924 they're such a respectable company. 73 00:02:23,080 --> 00:02:25,048 - Shut up and gimme some skin. 74 00:02:25,160 --> 00:02:26,366 - Ow. - Ooh! 75 00:02:26,480 --> 00:02:28,084 Ah, I am so good. And you know what? 76 00:02:28,200 --> 00:02:32,250 I am so getting that raise and bonus vacay days, girl. 77 00:02:32,360 --> 00:02:34,601 Now, why don't you take these little shit-makers 78 00:02:34,720 --> 00:02:36,563 back to the store, okay? 79 00:02:36,680 --> 00:02:39,490 - What- Alice, I hand-picked them. 80 00:02:39,600 --> 00:02:41,284 I've told them my secrets. They're my best friends. 81 00:02:41,400 --> 00:02:45,371 - I think you can handle it. And I want receipts. 82 00:02:45,480 --> 00:02:48,165 Hello, nerds. I need you to fill these out. 83 00:02:48,280 --> 00:02:49,327 ' [sighs °“- my Qolsh. 84 00:02:49,480 --> 00:02:50,527 Now we have to fill stuff out? 85 00:02:50,640 --> 00:02:52,165 You are the meanest person ever. 86 00:02:52,280 --> 00:02:54,282 - It'll take ten seconds. 87 00:02:54,440 --> 00:02:56,568 Just circle all fives and don't leave any comments. 88 00:02:56,680 --> 00:02:58,011 - Hang on. 89 00:02:58,120 --> 00:02:59,770 This is an evaluation of you? 90 00:02:59,880 --> 00:03:02,087 "Very good" is a five, "very bad" is a one. 91 00:03:02,240 --> 00:03:04,208 Interesting. 92 00:03:04,320 --> 00:03:08,006 - And a boss who takes away my work guns is very bad, 93 00:03:08,120 --> 00:03:10,885 like a man who touches kids near their buttholes. 94 00:03:11,040 --> 00:03:12,610 - That's bad. 95 00:03:12,720 --> 00:03:13,926 - Oh, that smells exactly like one, doesn't it? 96 00:03:14,040 --> 00:03:15,849 - What? - Does mine smell like a one? 97 00:03:15,960 --> 00:03:17,644 - Oh, yeah, they're all ones. - Does yours smell like a one? 98 00:03:17,800 --> 00:03:22,522 - How about, if you give me all fives, 99 00:03:22,680 --> 00:03:23,841 I'll give you your guns back? 100 00:03:23,960 --> 00:03:25,371 - Yes! - Oh, okay. 101 00:03:25,480 --> 00:03:26,891 - Nice! 102 00:03:27,000 --> 00:03:29,287 And a free day to do whatever we want. 103 00:03:29,400 --> 00:03:30,925 - All fives. 104 00:03:31,040 --> 00:03:32,326 - Yes! - Yeah, baby! 105 00:03:32,480 --> 00:03:34,721 - Guys, guys, guys. And... 106 00:03:34,840 --> 00:03:36,808 on top of that... - Oh, what he has? 107 00:03:36,920 --> 00:03:38,445 - Hot bread. 108 00:03:38,560 --> 00:03:40,483 - No to what he said, but yes to what I said 109 00:03:40,600 --> 00:03:41,806 about the work guns and the free day. 110 00:03:41,920 --> 00:03:47,563 [screaming and shouting] 111 00:03:47,680 --> 00:03:50,524 I ain't got time to bleed. - Are you bleeding? 112 00:03:50,640 --> 00:03:52,051 - No, because... 113 00:03:52,160 --> 00:03:54,766 [in deep voice] I ain't got time to bleed. 114 00:03:54,920 --> 00:03:56,081 - Oh, right. 115 00:03:56,200 --> 00:03:59,090 [screaming] 116 00:04:01,440 --> 00:04:03,920 [Airsoft gun fires] 117 00:04:04,040 --> 00:04:05,326 - Thanks, dude! - Nice! 118 00:04:05,440 --> 00:04:07,010 Okay, these guys are trapped. 119 00:04:07,120 --> 00:04:09,566 Let's eviscerate these fools. - Yeah, baby. 120 00:04:09,680 --> 00:04:11,011 - Oh, don't you- Do not shoot me! 121 00:04:11,120 --> 00:04:13,487 Okay, I've got live... office supplies. 122 00:04:13,600 --> 00:04:14,806 - Live-okay. 123 00:04:14,920 --> 00:04:16,604 - [yells] Back off, bitches! 124 00:04:16,720 --> 00:04:18,882 - End of the line, Tez. 125 00:04:19,000 --> 00:04:21,207 - Drop it, or we drop you. 126 00:04:21,360 --> 00:04:23,044 - Ha ha! Ah! 127 00:04:23,200 --> 00:04:25,362 Nobody move or this boy gets pumped full of plastic. 128 00:04:26,680 --> 00:04:28,284 - I don't- 129 00:04:28,400 --> 00:04:31,165 - Gee- - Ohh! 130 00:04:31,280 --> 00:04:32,406 Both: Ohh! 131 00:04:32,520 --> 00:04:34,602 - Oh-ho-ho-ho! 132 00:04:34,720 --> 00:04:36,802 Ohh. - Whoa. 133 00:04:36,960 --> 00:04:38,610 - That was incredible. You're my hero, that was- 134 00:04:38,720 --> 00:04:41,121 - What the hell was that crash? 135 00:04:41,240 --> 00:04:43,561 Oh, my-you guys, I gave you the day off. 136 00:04:44,960 --> 00:04:46,246 Travis. 137 00:04:46,360 --> 00:04:48,124 - I was just coming by to... 138 00:04:48,240 --> 00:04:49,810 scoop the evaluations 139 00:04:49,920 --> 00:04:52,241 and get a look-see at how you do things around here. 140 00:04:53,480 --> 00:04:55,528 Now I know. 141 00:04:55,640 --> 00:04:59,087 - Travis, it was just- It was a special occasion. 142 00:04:59,200 --> 00:05:03,000 Uh, a deal I made to boost office morale. 143 00:05:03,120 --> 00:05:05,521 - Oh? And what was the deal? 144 00:05:05,640 --> 00:05:07,768 - We just had to give her fives. 145 00:05:07,880 --> 00:05:09,609 - High...fives. 146 00:05:09,720 --> 00:05:11,210 High-fives, Travis, 147 00:05:11,320 --> 00:05:13,368 because there is nothing that boosts my morale 148 00:05:13,480 --> 00:05:15,005 more than getting some skin. 149 00:05:15,120 --> 00:05:16,610 Up high! 150 00:05:16,720 --> 00:05:18,802 - You're not getting that raise. 151 00:05:18,960 --> 00:05:20,371 - But, no, Travis, I already booked my package 152 00:05:20,480 --> 00:05:22,130 to Playa del Carmen. 153 00:05:22,240 --> 00:05:25,847 Travis, I earned this raise and I deserve this vacation. 154 00:05:25,960 --> 00:05:30,409 - Then why don't you take the rest of the week off? 155 00:05:30,520 --> 00:05:31,601 Hmm? 156 00:05:31,720 --> 00:05:32,926 Think things over. 157 00:05:33,040 --> 00:05:34,849 And hopefully you'll come back 158 00:05:34,960 --> 00:05:39,010 sharing my perspective on the situation. 159 00:05:39,120 --> 00:05:40,804 - And why don't you take the rest of your life 160 00:05:40,920 --> 00:05:43,969 to figure out what an asshole you are? 161 00:05:44,080 --> 00:05:45,491 Good luck, everyone. 162 00:05:45,600 --> 00:05:47,329 Have fun wasting your lives here. 163 00:05:47,440 --> 00:05:51,126 - Don't cause a scene, Alice. - Oh, fuck off, Travis! 164 00:05:51,240 --> 00:05:53,686 And eat a dick. I quit! 165 00:05:53,800 --> 00:05:55,723 Jillian, I want you to pack all my things 166 00:05:55,840 --> 00:05:57,410 and bring it to my car. 167 00:05:57,520 --> 00:05:58,646 - Oh, would you like me to do that? 168 00:05:58,760 --> 00:06:00,125 Would you like that? 169 00:06:00,240 --> 00:06:02,288 Well, guess what, baby. You're outta here! 170 00:06:02,400 --> 00:06:04,129 I think you can handle it... 171 00:06:04,240 --> 00:06:05,480 and I want receipts. 172 00:06:05,600 --> 00:06:08,080 - Jillian, please, just help her. 173 00:06:08,200 --> 00:06:11,329 - You got it, Travis. - [sighs] 174 00:06:13,040 --> 00:06:15,247 - Dang, Alice went out like a "G." 175 00:06:15,360 --> 00:06:16,930 - End of an era. 176 00:06:17,040 --> 00:06:18,565 - Hate to see her go, but... 177 00:06:18,680 --> 00:06:21,889 I love to stare at her butt as she goes leaving. 178 00:06:22,000 --> 00:06:23,126 - Way too skinny for me. 179 00:06:23,240 --> 00:06:25,641 - You think? - Mm, truly. 180 00:06:25,760 --> 00:06:27,410 [beatboxing] 181 00:06:30,240 --> 00:06:31,605 [beatboxing] 182 00:06:31,720 --> 00:06:33,245 - ♪ You gotta ♪ - ♪ You gotta be fresh ♪ 183 00:06:33,360 --> 00:06:36,682 - Oh, tits quota, right. - It's a tits quota. 184 00:06:36,800 --> 00:06:38,131 That's right. That's good. 185 00:06:38,240 --> 00:06:39,651 - What's going on here? 186 00:06:39,760 --> 00:06:41,444 - I thought I'd open things up around here. 187 00:06:41,560 --> 00:06:44,245 By the way, you are 32 minutes late, 188 00:06:44,360 --> 00:06:45,691 which means you will start getting paid 189 00:06:45,840 --> 00:06:47,604 at the top of the next hour. - Are we? 190 00:06:47,760 --> 00:06:49,125 - Yes. - Wait, what? 191 00:06:49,240 --> 00:06:50,844 You're not the boss of us. 192 00:06:50,960 --> 00:06:52,564 - Oh,lam... 193 00:06:52,720 --> 00:06:54,484 until I find Alice's replacement. 194 00:06:54,640 --> 00:06:57,530 In the meantime, I'll be making some changes around here. 195 00:06:57,640 --> 00:07:01,167 And I'm not just talking about the lush greenery. 196 00:07:01,280 --> 00:07:03,282 Some efficiency adjustments. 197 00:07:03,440 --> 00:07:06,330 Some new rules, new seats. 198 00:07:06,440 --> 00:07:09,410 You boys are no longer cube mates. 199 00:07:09,520 --> 00:07:12,000 Jillian! 200 00:07:12,160 --> 00:07:13,605 Pardonnes-moi. 201 00:07:13,720 --> 00:07:15,245 What are you doing? 202 00:07:15,360 --> 00:07:17,124 - Oh, my gosh, no. - I told you to move the wall. 203 00:07:17,240 --> 00:07:20,722 Move the wall! - Not-not him. 204 00:07:20,840 --> 00:07:22,763 - Oh, jet set. 205 00:07:22,920 --> 00:07:24,160 - All right, Jesse! 206 00:07:24,280 --> 00:07:25,691 Appreciate you rinsing your hair out. 207 00:07:25,840 --> 00:07:27,365 It was just a sanitary matter. 208 00:07:27,480 --> 00:07:29,050 - It was a silly hairdo anyway. 209 00:07:29,160 --> 00:07:30,446 - Now you won't be ruining those headsets 210 00:07:30,560 --> 00:07:31,846 with your hair jelly. 211 00:07:31,960 --> 00:07:33,291 Jillian... 212 00:07:33,400 --> 00:07:37,291 tell the fellas where they'll be working. 213 00:07:37,400 --> 00:07:40,165 - Follow me. 214 00:07:40,280 --> 00:07:43,204 Adam, park it. 215 00:07:43,320 --> 00:07:45,243 Blake... over there. 216 00:07:45,400 --> 00:07:48,722 Anders, follow the leader. 217 00:07:48,840 --> 00:07:50,490 [phone ringing] 218 00:07:50,600 --> 00:07:51,647 - Yellow? 219 00:07:51,760 --> 00:07:52,807 - Yo, bro. 220 00:07:52,920 --> 00:07:54,285 You can't see me, 221 00:07:54,400 --> 00:07:55,731 but I'm flicking Montez off right now. 222 00:07:55,840 --> 00:07:57,808 - No, I can see you. - Oh, you can see me. 223 00:07:57,920 --> 00:07:59,206 - I'm, like, just literally ten feet away. 224 00:07:59,320 --> 00:08:01,561 - Eww! Your hands are so hairy, bro. 225 00:08:01,680 --> 00:08:03,603 You're disgusting. You're a disgusting human. 226 00:08:03,720 --> 00:08:05,051 I hate you. 227 00:08:05,160 --> 00:08:06,730 Anyway, what's going on with you, Ders? 228 00:08:06,880 --> 00:08:09,531 - Mm, not much, man. I'm just living my sucky life. 229 00:08:09,640 --> 00:08:11,244 Just hating it. - Yeah, I get that. 230 00:08:11,360 --> 00:08:13,761 - My sales are up, though. Record high today for sales. 231 00:08:13,880 --> 00:08:15,803 - Me too. That's bizarre. 232 00:08:15,920 --> 00:08:17,968 We're like the same person. - Yeah. 233 00:08:18,080 --> 00:08:20,162 - I have- I have pissed in, 234 00:08:20,280 --> 00:08:22,806 like, this dude's plants, like, three times, though. 235 00:08:22,920 --> 00:08:24,206 - Oh, man, I miss you. [phone beeping] 236 00:08:24,320 --> 00:08:26,800 - Hey, hang on. 237 00:08:26,920 --> 00:08:28,410 Blazarium. 238 00:08:28,520 --> 00:08:31,285 - Hey. It's Blake from the, uh, old cubicle. 239 00:08:31,400 --> 00:08:34,290 Um, I just made a sale. 240 00:08:34,400 --> 00:08:38,121 And if I don't smoke something soon, 241 00:08:38,240 --> 00:08:40,447 I'm gonna put my face in the paper shredder. 242 00:08:40,560 --> 00:08:43,370 So please can we meet up in the hotel lobby? 243 00:08:43,480 --> 00:08:45,687 - That's what we're calling the storage closet, right? 244 00:08:45,800 --> 00:08:48,371 - Yes. - Okay. 245 00:08:48,480 --> 00:08:52,007 - You's about to get Zippo'd! - Oh, man! 246 00:08:52,120 --> 00:08:53,929 - Look what I brought. - I missed you! 247 00:08:54,040 --> 00:08:56,646 - I know, I've honestly missed you a lot too. 248 00:08:56,760 --> 00:08:58,649 Is it- It's been too long, dude. 249 00:08:58,760 --> 00:09:00,410 - It has. - Hey, guys, sorry I'm late. 250 00:09:00,560 --> 00:09:02,403 I took a pee in one of those bushes, just like you did. 251 00:09:02,560 --> 00:09:04,005 - Nice! - Oh, you dog! 252 00:09:04,120 --> 00:09:05,724 - I missed you too. Honestly, I have. 253 00:09:05,840 --> 00:09:07,251 - I'm trying to be you. - I didn't think I would. 254 00:09:07,400 --> 00:09:09,243 But I did. - Let's smoke about it. 255 00:09:09,400 --> 00:09:11,607 - Yeah, we're gonna smoke about it. 256 00:09:13,480 --> 00:09:16,404 - I don't know what you were planning on doing in here, 257 00:09:16,520 --> 00:09:19,922 but I'm betting it didn't involve making sales calls. 258 00:09:20,080 --> 00:09:21,570 - Uh... 259 00:09:21,680 --> 00:09:22,920 - It depends on what you mean by "sales calls." 260 00:09:23,080 --> 00:09:24,605 - We could try. - Let's hit the phones! 261 00:09:24,720 --> 00:09:26,722 Hmm? 262 00:09:31,840 --> 00:09:33,968 And stop flipping me off. 263 00:09:35,440 --> 00:09:37,522 - How does he see that? That was incredible. 264 00:09:37,680 --> 00:09:39,011 - Gosh. - That's an amazing skill set. 265 00:09:39,120 --> 00:09:41,691 - I hate this dude, man. 266 00:09:41,800 --> 00:09:43,689 I guess I'll just see you guys in there, all right? 267 00:09:43,800 --> 00:09:45,882 - No, no, no, no, no, no, no. 268 00:09:46,000 --> 00:09:48,446 Okay? We're the bash bros! 269 00:09:48,560 --> 00:09:50,688 Let's bash this fool, catch him slipping. 270 00:09:50,800 --> 00:09:52,404 - We do need to catch him slipping, but he doesn't slip. 271 00:09:52,520 --> 00:09:54,443 It's like he's wearing shoes for crews, man. 272 00:09:54,560 --> 00:09:55,686 - Guys, I got an idea. 273 00:09:55,800 --> 00:09:57,086 Look, I got this app on my phone 274 00:09:57,240 --> 00:09:58,571 where you can record people's voices 275 00:09:58,680 --> 00:10:00,205 and then edit it around 276 00:10:00,320 --> 00:10:01,685 so they say things that they didn't even say. 277 00:10:01,800 --> 00:10:03,086 - Can that work? - Whoa. 278 00:10:03,200 --> 00:10:04,929 - You tell me. - Welcome to the future. 279 00:10:05,080 --> 00:10:06,570 - [Blake's voice, mechanically] My favorite meal 280 00:10:06,680 --> 00:10:10,207 is butt salad with extra butt. 281 00:10:10,320 --> 00:10:11,970 - Eww! - What? 282 00:10:12,080 --> 00:10:13,684 - Whoa, extra butt. 283 00:10:13,840 --> 00:10:15,490 - No, I don't like butt salad. - Ew, you nasty, boy. 284 00:10:15,600 --> 00:10:16,806 - Apparently you do. 285 00:10:16,920 --> 00:10:19,161 - My favorite salad is Asian salad. 286 00:10:19,280 --> 00:10:20,964 - Asian salad is good. - Mm-hmm. 287 00:10:21,080 --> 00:10:22,320 - Butt-dorf. - Butt salad? 288 00:10:22,440 --> 00:10:23,851 You don't know what it tastes like. 289 00:10:23,960 --> 00:10:25,166 Could be delicious. - It's right there. 290 00:10:25,280 --> 00:10:26,566 - Yeah. - Which is crazy. 291 00:10:26,680 --> 00:10:28,045 - That is crazy, how close it is. 292 00:10:28,160 --> 00:10:29,321 - Butt salad and Asian salad? 293 00:10:29,480 --> 00:10:31,323 - No, butt salad and vagina salad. 294 00:10:31,480 --> 00:10:33,482 - Oh, I'll mess with that. 295 00:10:33,600 --> 00:10:34,965 - Yeah, I'll mess with some of that salad. 296 00:10:35,080 --> 00:10:36,206 - Cool? 297 00:10:36,360 --> 00:10:37,725 - Wait, why do you have that? 298 00:10:37,840 --> 00:10:39,080 - Well, it's for, like, a future situation 299 00:10:39,240 --> 00:10:40,651 in case I need to blackmail you guys. 300 00:10:40,760 --> 00:10:42,649 - I love future situations. 301 00:10:42,760 --> 00:10:44,125 Those are, like, my favorite. 302 00:10:44,240 --> 00:10:45,446 Out of all sitches, those are my favorite. 303 00:10:45,560 --> 00:10:47,130 Play mine. - Sure. 304 00:10:47,240 --> 00:10:48,810 - [Adam's voice] In middle school, 305 00:10:48,960 --> 00:10:51,008 I tricked this homeless dude I bought weed from 306 00:10:51,120 --> 00:10:52,406 into walking into traffic, 307 00:10:52,520 --> 00:10:54,249 and when he got hit by a cement truck 308 00:10:54,360 --> 00:10:56,249 I just took off on my bike. 309 00:10:56,360 --> 00:10:57,930 - Oh, my God! - That sounded real. 310 00:10:58,040 --> 00:11:00,088 - Oh, my God. How did you make me say that? 311 00:11:00,200 --> 00:11:02,282 - Oh, no, that one was just a drunk voice-mail 312 00:11:02,400 --> 00:11:04,243 that you left me a while back, yeah. 313 00:11:04,360 --> 00:11:06,328 - [exhales sharply] 314 00:11:06,440 --> 00:11:08,044 Very impressive. - Thank you. 315 00:11:08,160 --> 00:11:09,764 - Very cool, very cool. - Thank you, thank you. 316 00:11:09,880 --> 00:11:11,450 - Also could we delete that? 317 00:11:11,560 --> 00:11:13,961 'Cause I could go to prison for something like that. 318 00:11:15,640 --> 00:11:17,483 - All right. You got this, Ders. 319 00:11:17,600 --> 00:11:19,329 Okay, once again. .. - Stop. 320 00:11:19,440 --> 00:11:21,124 - The sentence we agreed on 321 00:11:21,280 --> 00:11:22,611 was, "I will force her to the ground 322 00:11:22,720 --> 00:11:24,688 and bury my cock in her." - Got it. 323 00:11:24,800 --> 00:11:26,689 - Say all that, and we'll have his balls... 324 00:11:26,800 --> 00:11:28,165 by the balls, I guess. 325 00:11:28,280 --> 00:11:29,520 We'll have his balls by the balls. 326 00:11:29,640 --> 00:11:31,051 That's the best way, all wrapped up. 327 00:11:31,160 --> 00:11:34,482 [rhythmic knock at door] - Come on in! 328 00:11:34,600 --> 00:11:35,761 - Travis. 329 00:11:35,920 --> 00:11:37,081 My man, how are you? 330 00:11:37,200 --> 00:11:39,248 Um, look, I was just in here 331 00:11:39,360 --> 00:11:41,761 to ask you about some sales techniques, 332 00:11:41,880 --> 00:11:44,201 because, you know, real recognize real. 333 00:11:44,320 --> 00:11:47,324 So I'm gonna ask you how you prefer to call. 334 00:11:47,440 --> 00:11:49,966 'Cause I'm more of a smooth operator. 335 00:11:50,080 --> 00:11:52,526 Um, but I was wondering if you believed in 336 00:11:52,640 --> 00:11:56,087 using brute, um, 337 00:11:56,200 --> 00:11:58,328 uh, like brute- - Force? 338 00:11:58,440 --> 00:11:59,885 - Force! Yes! Perfect. 339 00:12:00,000 --> 00:12:02,048 And, uh, also there was a name 340 00:12:02,200 --> 00:12:03,964 that I was seeing on the list. 341 00:12:04,080 --> 00:12:05,445 And I couldn't figure out how to pronounce it. 342 00:12:05,560 --> 00:12:11,408 So I'll just write it here. You know. 343 00:12:11,520 --> 00:12:13,284 - Barry McCockiner. 344 00:12:13,400 --> 00:12:15,084 - Yes! That's... 345 00:12:15,200 --> 00:12:17,441 gotta be how you pronounce it. Thank you. 346 00:12:17,560 --> 00:12:20,245 - I can't believe we went with that cliche. 347 00:12:20,360 --> 00:12:21,691 Barry Mccockiner? 348 00:12:21,840 --> 00:12:23,808 - [scoffs] - That's weak, dude. 349 00:12:23,920 --> 00:12:25,126 - I know, I know. 350 00:12:25,240 --> 00:12:26,571 And I just thought of a good one. 351 00:12:26,720 --> 00:12:27,960 Like, just now. 352 00:12:28,080 --> 00:12:29,206 - I've been thinking of great ones 353 00:12:29,320 --> 00:12:30,731 ever since he went in there. 354 00:12:30,840 --> 00:12:34,242 - Yeah, but it's too late now, right? 355 00:12:36,680 --> 00:12:37,920 - I did that earlier. 356 00:12:38,040 --> 00:12:42,090 - It's something-town Julie Brown. 357 00:12:42,240 --> 00:12:44,447 And I know it's not "Uptown," 'cause I would remember that. 358 00:12:44,560 --> 00:12:46,369 It's like- [phone vibrating] 359 00:12:46,480 --> 00:12:48,801 Uh- [laughing] 360 00:12:48,920 --> 00:12:51,161 Down the... Thanks for the help. 361 00:12:51,280 --> 00:12:52,770 - Okay, psst. Ders. 362 00:12:52,880 --> 00:12:54,564 Ders, if you can hear me... - Appreciate it. 363 00:12:54,680 --> 00:12:56,170 - Forget Barry Mccockiner, Ders. - I'm gonna go. 364 00:12:56,280 --> 00:12:57,691 - Wait. - We're going with Yerpa. 365 00:12:57,800 --> 00:12:59,040 First name Yerpa. - Shh! 366 00:12:59,160 --> 00:13:00,525 - C. Stinks. Yerpa C. Stinks. 367 00:13:00,640 --> 00:13:01,801 You get it? - Yeah, yeah. 368 00:13:01,920 --> 00:13:03,922 Or try Ivana Jizinu. 369 00:13:04,040 --> 00:13:06,407 Uh, it's a Russian-Japanese girl, if he asks. 370 00:13:06,520 --> 00:13:08,090 Ivana Jizinu. -Ivana. 371 00:13:08,200 --> 00:13:10,168 Hit him with the Ivana first. 372 00:13:10,280 --> 00:13:12,601 Yeah, we just felt like Barry Mccockiner 373 00:13:12,720 --> 00:13:14,563 has been, like, played out a little bit. 374 00:13:14,680 --> 00:13:16,284 Like, I felt like I've seen it places. 375 00:13:16,440 --> 00:13:18,886 Ders? - Gentlemen! 376 00:13:19,000 --> 00:13:22,402 Please join us in my office. 377 00:13:22,520 --> 00:13:24,682 - Sony 378 00:13:24,800 --> 00:13:25,961 - Yes. 379 00:13:26,080 --> 00:13:28,401 [beatboxing] 380 00:13:30,960 --> 00:13:33,531 [beatboxing] 381 00:13:33,640 --> 00:13:38,009 - I am gonna take my boss hat off for a second, 382 00:13:38,120 --> 00:13:40,851 because at the end of the day... 383 00:13:40,960 --> 00:13:42,644 we're all just men, right? 384 00:13:42,800 --> 00:13:44,325 - Ha. Yeah, don't- - Yeah. 385 00:13:44,440 --> 00:13:45,885 - Don't let the hair fool ya. 386 00:13:46,000 --> 00:13:48,526 - [laughing] 'Cause of your longer-yes. 387 00:13:48,680 --> 00:13:50,045 - So let's try and act like men. 388 00:13:50,160 --> 00:13:52,686 Quit sneaking around my office, 389 00:13:52,800 --> 00:13:55,007 playing little games. 390 00:13:55,120 --> 00:13:56,406 That's not what men do. 391 00:13:56,560 --> 00:13:58,130 And I know... 392 00:13:58,240 --> 00:14:00,686 because I am a real man. 393 00:14:00,800 --> 00:14:03,804 - Yeah. - Yes. 394 00:14:06,680 --> 00:14:09,923 - Do you see what I mean? 395 00:14:10,040 --> 00:14:11,565 Not even that big, right? 396 00:14:11,680 --> 00:14:13,762 - Very average-size. - Surprisingly. 397 00:14:13,880 --> 00:14:15,245 'Cause you're tall. - Yeah, 'cause you're a big man. 398 00:14:15,360 --> 00:14:17,169 You'd think it'd be- 399 00:14:17,280 --> 00:14:18,691 - But at least I'm putting it out there. 400 00:14:18,800 --> 00:14:20,086 - Mm-hmm. - Yes, you are. 401 00:14:20,200 --> 00:14:21,929 - Yeah. - Yeah, you are. 402 00:14:22,040 --> 00:14:24,964 - Now...are you guys real men? 403 00:14:25,080 --> 00:14:26,764 - Yeah. - Are you? 404 00:14:26,880 --> 00:14:28,848 - Yeah. - Totally, yeah. 405 00:14:28,960 --> 00:14:32,407 - Then whip it out. 406 00:14:32,520 --> 00:14:35,126 Get your dick outta your pants, now! 407 00:14:35,240 --> 00:14:37,322 Are you men or not? 408 00:14:37,480 --> 00:14:38,925 Show it! 409 00:14:39,040 --> 00:14:41,327 - No. - That's what I figured. 410 00:14:41,480 --> 00:14:42,970 Now... 411 00:14:43,080 --> 00:14:45,651 let's finish the day strong, okay? 412 00:14:45,760 --> 00:14:48,570 Make some sales, hmm? 413 00:14:48,680 --> 00:14:50,444 - All right. Yeah. 414 00:14:50,560 --> 00:14:51,891 - Yes. - Okay, good. 415 00:14:52,000 --> 00:14:54,685 - Get back to work. - Get back to work. 416 00:15:00,600 --> 00:15:02,489 - What do you think you're doing? 417 00:15:02,600 --> 00:15:04,125 - My hair. 418 00:15:04,240 --> 00:15:06,447 - Well, you better rinse it out before Travis sees it! 419 00:15:06,560 --> 00:15:08,085 - What's happening here? 420 00:15:08,200 --> 00:15:10,601 - This is not the TelAmeriCorp that I used to know. 421 00:15:10,760 --> 00:15:14,321 I look around, I recognize nothing! 422 00:15:14,440 --> 00:15:17,125 Where's all the smiles, the giggling? 423 00:15:17,240 --> 00:15:18,765 Can somebody tell me where the giggling at, huh? 424 00:15:18,880 --> 00:15:20,166 - Jesse! 425 00:15:20,280 --> 00:15:23,762 If you wanna talk, step into my office. 426 00:15:23,880 --> 00:15:25,769 - Travis, before you got here, 427 00:15:25,880 --> 00:15:27,484 we was all friends. 428 00:15:27,600 --> 00:15:29,045 Work was fun. 429 00:15:29,160 --> 00:15:30,730 We used to love to walk through that door. 430 00:15:30,840 --> 00:15:34,606 But now, since you been here, this place is sorry! 431 00:15:34,720 --> 00:15:37,690 - Jesse! Calm down. 432 00:15:37,800 --> 00:15:39,290 - Jet! 433 00:15:39,400 --> 00:15:42,131 My name is Jet-motherfuckin'-Set! 434 00:15:42,240 --> 00:15:44,720 But you can call me Patrick Swayze. 435 00:15:44,880 --> 00:15:47,406 'Cause guess what? I'm ghost. 436 00:15:47,520 --> 00:15:50,649 Now gimme my goddamn cactus. 437 00:15:50,800 --> 00:15:52,245 Have a good day. 438 00:15:52,360 --> 00:15:54,124 See y'all later, Montez, Waymond, all y'all. 439 00:15:54,240 --> 00:15:56,527 Ders, Adams, Blake. 440 00:15:56,680 --> 00:15:58,409 Jillian. 441 00:15:58,560 --> 00:16:00,210 - Okay, that happened. 442 00:16:00,320 --> 00:16:03,130 Now back to world 443 00:16:06,120 --> 00:16:09,727 - Okay. That happened. 444 00:16:09,840 --> 00:16:11,126 Now back to world 445 00:16:11,280 --> 00:16:15,046 Show's over. Back to world 446 00:16:16,760 --> 00:16:18,967 [birds chirping] 447 00:16:19,120 --> 00:16:21,726 - Shh. 448 00:16:21,840 --> 00:16:23,649 - Jillian still has those birds. 449 00:16:23,760 --> 00:16:25,649 - She thinks she's above the law. 450 00:16:25,760 --> 00:16:28,286 Well, she just got marked for death. 451 00:16:28,400 --> 00:16:31,165 - I'm gonna throw that cage off the roof. 452 00:16:31,280 --> 00:16:33,521 - No, no, no, no, no. I got a better idea. 453 00:16:33,680 --> 00:16:36,490 Maybe we should rattle Travis' cage. 454 00:16:43,320 --> 00:16:48,087 [birds chirping] 455 00:16:52,520 --> 00:16:54,045 [birds 3 qUawk° 456 00:16:54,200 --> 00:16:55,725 Geez! Ah: ”vah!' 457 00:16:55,840 --> 00:16:58,923 [sputtering] 458 00:16:59,080 --> 00:17:00,650 [yells] 459 00:17:00,760 --> 00:17:01,921 [all screaming] 460 00:17:02,080 --> 00:17:04,811 - [laughing] 461 00:17:04,960 --> 00:17:06,962 ' No! 462 00:17:07,080 --> 00:17:08,570 Fiona A pm 1 'Gem e 463 00:17:09,680 --> 00:17:11,648 ' Marty MCFlyl ' Ha! ° 464 00:17:14,120 --> 00:17:16,487 - Jimmy Kimmel! - Ha! Ha! 465 00:17:16,600 --> 00:17:18,204 - Oh! Jimmy Fallon! The Jimmies! 466 00:17:18,320 --> 00:17:19,845 - [yelling] 467 00:17:22,120 --> 00:17:25,602 [parrot squawking] 468 00:17:26,720 --> 00:17:29,405 - No. 469 00:17:29,520 --> 00:17:32,171 [all exclaim] 470 00:17:33,960 --> 00:17:37,487 - Could I please speak with a Ms. Janet Paulson? 471 00:17:37,600 --> 00:17:39,170 I'll speak with anyone in the house. 472 00:17:39,280 --> 00:17:41,282 [beatboxing] 473 00:17:43,840 --> 00:17:46,127 [beatboxing] 474 00:17:46,240 --> 00:17:49,244 [phones ringing] 475 00:17:54,520 --> 00:17:56,363 - Jillian, I don't know what you want, all right? 476 00:17:56,480 --> 00:17:57,925 We didn't do anything. It wasn't us. 477 00:17:58,040 --> 00:18:00,247 - I need to apologize to you guys. 478 00:18:00,360 --> 00:18:01,646 I done fricked up, okay? 479 00:18:01,760 --> 00:18:03,364 - Mm-hmm. - I turned my back on you, 480 00:18:03,480 --> 00:18:06,290 and I let Travis take advantage of my innocence. 481 00:18:06,400 --> 00:18:08,084 But then he went and killed my baby birds. 482 00:18:08,200 --> 00:18:09,725 - What? Those were babies? 483 00:18:09,840 --> 00:18:11,251 - No, eggs are baby birds. 484 00:18:11,400 --> 00:18:13,801 - No, eggs are baby chickens. 485 00:18:13,920 --> 00:18:15,331 - Everyone's wrong. 486 00:18:15,440 --> 00:18:17,522 - Guys, he's been recording your every move. 487 00:18:17,640 --> 00:18:19,847 Okay, there's cameras in the plants. 488 00:18:19,960 --> 00:18:22,406 And he put me in charge of surveillance. 489 00:18:22,520 --> 00:18:25,410 I'm so, so, so- I'm so, so, so, so sorry. 490 00:18:25,520 --> 00:18:27,363 - Whoa! She's not kidding. There's a tiny camera in here. 491 00:18:27,480 --> 00:18:29,642 - Oh, my God. - Feel like a tattle rat. 492 00:18:29,760 --> 00:18:31,410 - Oh, my gosh, if Earth Pets saw footage 493 00:18:31,520 --> 00:18:33,841 of that dude duck hunting those birds out of the air, 494 00:18:33,960 --> 00:18:35,405 they would be pissed... 495 00:18:35,520 --> 00:18:37,124 We need your help and Jet Set's hair cream. 496 00:18:37,240 --> 00:18:39,527 [banging] - Coming in, Trav. 497 00:18:39,680 --> 00:18:41,569 We're here to tell you you're about to get a video chat call 498 00:18:41,720 --> 00:18:43,051 from the people at Earth Pets. 499 00:18:43,160 --> 00:18:45,322 - Yeah, I guess they got some surveillance video 500 00:18:45,440 --> 00:18:48,523 of a certain executive shooting birds. 501 00:18:48,640 --> 00:18:50,130 - Hmm, that'd be crazy. 502 00:18:50,240 --> 00:18:51,446 And I wouldn't say they didn't like it... 503 00:18:51,560 --> 00:18:53,244 because they didn't not like it. 504 00:18:53,400 --> 00:18:57,291 'Cause they loved hating it and not liking it at all. 505 00:18:57,400 --> 00:18:59,528 - Wha- [computer chiming] 506 00:18:59,640 --> 00:19:00,880 - Oh, you might wanna answer that. 507 00:19:01,000 --> 00:19:02,684 "Oh, no, I'm fired." 508 00:19:02,800 --> 00:19:05,770 - Travis Rockne of T.A.C. here. 509 00:19:05,880 --> 00:19:08,281 - Hi, Travis. Bridget McCarthy of Earth Pets. 510 00:19:08,400 --> 00:19:10,004 - Hello, Bridget. 511 00:19:10,120 --> 00:19:11,690 - I was told you've taken over for Alice Murphy. 512 00:19:11,800 --> 00:19:13,370 - Temporarily. 513 00:19:13,480 --> 00:19:15,164 Alice has moved on to greener pastures, and I'm 514 00:19:15,280 --> 00:19:16,930 in the process of looking... - [sneeze] 515 00:19:19,400 --> 00:19:21,528 At-for her, uh, replacement. 516 00:19:21,680 --> 00:19:23,091 - Well, I hate to tell you this, 517 00:19:23,200 --> 00:19:24,645 but we don't wanna work with a replacement. 518 00:19:24,760 --> 00:19:27,206 And we surely don't wanna work with you either. 519 00:19:27,320 --> 00:19:30,164 - Bridget, you know how we value your-your business. 520 00:19:30,280 --> 00:19:32,089 - Okay, well, get Alice Murphy back 521 00:19:32,200 --> 00:19:34,362 or you won't have our business, bird killer! 522 00:19:34,480 --> 00:19:37,563 Bird killer! 523 00:19:37,680 --> 00:19:40,286 - You see our dicks, right? 524 00:19:40,400 --> 00:19:42,084 - Mine's getting cold, so I'm gonna put it away. 525 00:19:42,240 --> 00:19:43,605 - Yeah, it's a little cold. - You keep it cold in here. 526 00:19:43,720 --> 00:19:45,131 - Very chilly! 527 00:19:45,240 --> 00:19:46,446 - So they're not as big as they should be. 528 00:19:46,560 --> 00:19:48,050 - Very chilly. - But they were out. 529 00:19:48,160 --> 00:19:49,571 - Let it be known they were out-we're men. 530 00:19:49,680 --> 00:19:51,045 So- - Okay. 531 00:19:53,320 --> 00:19:55,049 [laughter] - That's right, bitches. 532 00:19:55,160 --> 00:19:56,491 I'm back. 533 00:19:56,600 --> 00:19:58,648 What is that piss smell in here? 534 00:19:58,800 --> 00:20:00,086 Jillian. - Hi! Good to see you. 535 00:20:00,200 --> 00:20:01,611 You look great. - Shut up. 536 00:20:01,760 --> 00:20:03,205 - I'd love to. - Couple of things. 537 00:20:03,320 --> 00:20:05,641 I need you to confirm my flight to Playa del Carmen. 538 00:20:05,760 --> 00:20:08,047 And I need you to find those little birds. 539 00:20:08,160 --> 00:20:10,731 I gotta do a video chat with Earth Pets in a second. 540 00:20:10,840 --> 00:20:14,208 - Oh, uh, well, Alice- 541 00:20:14,320 --> 00:20:16,846 actually, we kind of still have them. 542 00:20:16,960 --> 00:20:18,610 - We're just glad to have you back, Alice. 543 00:20:18,720 --> 00:20:20,563 [whistling] - Well, uh, Bridget, 544 00:20:20,680 --> 00:20:22,011 I just can't wait... - Ba-caw! 545 00:20:22,120 --> 00:20:23,565 - To get that contract back, and I promise 546 00:20:23,680 --> 00:20:25,330 I'll contact you next week, okay, gal pal? 547 00:20:25,440 --> 00:20:27,044 - Ba-caw! - See you later. Bye! 548 00:20:27,200 --> 00:20:28,531 - Okay. - Ba-caw! 549 00:20:28,640 --> 00:20:29,846 - Okay, okay, okay. We're done. 550 00:20:29,960 --> 00:20:31,166 - Yeah. - She's gone. 551 00:20:31,280 --> 00:20:32,645 - Cool. 552 00:20:32,760 --> 00:20:34,171 - Hey, Alice, uh, the lady on your computer, 553 00:20:34,280 --> 00:20:37,011 she's not wrong. - That's really nice. 554 00:20:37,120 --> 00:20:39,487 Now why don't you get these goddamn dead birds off of me... 555 00:20:39,600 --> 00:20:40,761 - Sure. - And get back to work? 556 00:20:40,880 --> 00:20:42,006 - Sony - How about that? 557 00:20:42,120 --> 00:20:43,246 - I'm gonna keep this one. 558 00:20:43,360 --> 00:20:44,486 - It was fun. - Oh, hey. 559 00:20:44,600 --> 00:20:45,761 Can we get our Airsoft guns back? 560 00:20:45,880 --> 00:20:47,041 - Oh, yeah. Yeah, sure. No problem. 561 00:20:47,160 --> 00:20:48,286 - Thank you. - You're the best. 562 00:20:48,400 --> 00:20:49,686 - Best boss is back. 563 00:20:49,800 --> 00:20:51,529 [all screaming] 564 00:20:51,640 --> 00:20:53,085 - Whoa! Whoa! 565 00:20:53,200 --> 00:20:54,929 - [laughs] Yeah! 566 00:20:56,560 --> 00:20:58,449 God, I wish this was real. 567 00:20:58,560 --> 00:21:00,449 - Nice. 568 00:21:00,560 --> 00:21:02,528 [dog snorting] [party horn blowing] 569 00:21:05,640 --> 00:21:09,247 - ♪ You're my birds and I'm your mom ♪ 570 00:21:09,360 --> 00:21:10,407 ♪ Really cool mom ♪ 571 00:21:10,520 --> 00:21:11,885 ♪ Who works at a job ♪ 572 00:21:12,040 --> 00:21:14,805 ♪ Loving you just the way you are ♪ 573 00:21:14,960 --> 00:21:16,644 ♪ You don't need to lose weight ♪ 574 00:21:16,760 --> 00:21:20,048 ♪ You're all really great ♪ I love you.