- [screaming]
And that is what we call the Hammer Tire!
The sledgehammer does not come with your DeMamp Camp
Working Out with Tires DVD purchase.
Blake, you get that?
- God damn it, Adam. Yes. We got it.
- Hey, Blake, don't talk to me like that.
- Ders, did we get that?
That argument for the behind-the-scenes camera?
- Oh, no, no, no, this camera's
not behind-the-scenes footage, okay?
This is my MTV True Life:
I'm in a Menage a Braj. - Heh, heh, Menage a bra].
Okay, let's focus, all right? - All right, yep.
- We're missing some exercises here.
- Let me check the list. - [sighs]
- We got the Tire Hammer. We got the Tire Jump.
- Tire Wiggle. - Yep
- Tire Waggle. - Got it.
- Dead Tire Flip Lift! - Yes.
- That's right. - Good call, good call.
- Blake, you getting this?
- Oh, I'm getting it, baby. - Okay.
- We got it.
- This next exercise, your bi's might turn into tri's,
while your tri's might turn into God knows what.
Are you ready?
- Yeah.
- [screaming]
[snap]
All: Oh!
- My shoulders! [screams]
- We gotta get you to a hospital!
- I'm gonna pop it back into place!
- No, no, no. - I'm gonna pop it bacld
- No, don't-- [crunch]
- Ohhh!
That made it so much worse!
[beatboxing]
- ♪ I'm fresh ♪
- ♪ You gotta, you gotta, you gotta, gotta ♪
- ♪ Gotta be fresh ♪
- Let me out. - I cannot believe
they let you walk out of the E.R.
looking this way.
We gotta get you fixed.
- Yeah, for 2,000 bucks? Yeah, right.
I'm saving up for hair plugs for when I need them
in the future. - Well, what's the deal, man?
I thought you had insurance.
We laughed so much times at those
Geico gecko commercials. - Mm-hmm.
- I guess my grandpa must have taken me off his plan,
which is fine, 'cause I hate that man.
Don't wanna be on his stupid insurance anyways.
Could you let me out of here?
- You can't live like this, Adam, come on.
You have to start the wave today
at Jillian's hockey game.
- I can lead the wave. I can--[shrieks]
Okay, that actually hurts a lot. I'll do it next time.
Doesn't matter. - There is no next time.
- Could you open the door?
- All right, fine, it's settled.
We're gonna go see Gramps DeMamp.
Yep. 'Cause you know what?
You're lucky you even have a grandpa.
I never even met mine.
I bet he was awesome. I bet he had crazy hair
- Yeah, I bet he did.
I mean, old people are really cool.
They're like-- they're like the crypt keeper.
They just tell you stories.
- Yeah, or like young wizards.
- Fine. I'll tell you guys.
My grandfather touched me as a kid.
In the butt hole. - What?
- Okay, he didn't actually touch me.
He refused to hug me.
I am not gonna go see my grandpa!
You let me out of this car right now.
- No, we're taking you to see him, all right?
Blake, map it. We're going. - Got it.
- Hi. Here to see George DeMamp.
He's my grandfather.
If he's dead, I'm okay with that.
- You act like you wouldn't care, but you would.
You would cry. Sign in, please.
- Whoa, check it out, guys.
This dude throws knives into cats.
- That's a gun and a coyote.
You can tell from the snout.
- Oh. - But, yeah, this is my dayjob.
My real passion is animal control.
My little line is, "The animals in here
are way worse than the coyotes out there."
- [laughs] That's a good joke.
That's clever. - That's funny.
- Thank you. - It's not clever.
And it sure as hell isn't a good joke.
The people that walk these halls built this country, okay
- It's my little line. - All right.
Which room is my dumb, stupid, fat, ugly grandpa in?
- Gun one, gun two...
- Hey. Grandpa!
- Well, well, well.
Look who it is. Short-Wide.
- Mm, good one.
- You come out of the closet yet?
- [forced laughter] No.
Only closet I'm in is the one that I'm trapped in.
With R. Kelly, watching a rap opera.
- Ah, cut the crap. I know why you're here.
You want to weasel back onto my health insurance,
you damn freeloader.
- I'm not a freeloader, okay?
It's just I can't afford health insurance,
and I expect it to be free.
I have to go to the hospital. - Hospital?
Hospital didn't help me when I rode a Jeep
out of a B-52 at 35,000 feet--
- It was 25,000 last time.
- 35,000 feet,
had to parachute into enemy territory
and took eight bullets up my ass.
- Yeah.
- But you don't know anything about that
because you've never been in a war!
- Yeah, I've never been in a war
'cause there's never been any big wars for me to
- Oh, jeez, you know, I don't have time for this.
I've got my annual luau,
and I am in charge of the pig.
And I'm not talking about your Aunt Holly.
- Aunt Holly has a glandular disorder.
Hey, could you hold that door?
I actually can't open doors!
[door slams] Ow! Ow!
[muffled] I demand--
[crunch, agonized screams]
- Why did you bring your Flip cam?
- 'Cause I'm changing the plan.
It's gonna be MTV True Life:
I'm into Old People. I don't care.
- Whoa, whoa, whoa. Check out this old braj.
[blues music]
- ♪ On a big ol' shady oak tree ♪
- [laughing] Oh, man. This dude is sicld
I'm talking, like, terminally chill.
- [singing] - He is chill.
I'm just gonna need a fresher angle
than some aged rocker.
I mean, W.W.K.L.D.?
What would Kurt Loder do?
- ♪ Said I was born ♪
- Old people have been around since the dawn of time
They have stories and messages. Here's one now.
Hey, ma'am, can I ask you a few ques--
We'll find a better one than that.
Hey, nice shot.
- I know.
- Is it okay if I ask you a couple questions?
- Questions?
- Justquesfions aboutyourlﬂe.
You know, I feel like people of your generation
have such wisdom that you can share.
Why don't you tell me about what you did
before you lived here?
- I traveled to the world's best cities,
and in exchange,
I married a rich man I didn't love.
- Yeah. - But enough about me.
Shoot - I-I don't know how to play.
My dad never let me in the billiards room growing
- Oh, that's heartbreaking.
Maybe I can help you.
- Ow.
All right, I'll start low?
- Now, before you shoot...
[whispers] Close your eyes,
and put it in.
- Is everything okay in here?
- It's fine, Mark. Just fine.
Why don't we go somewhere where we can be
a little more private?
- All right.
- ♪ She don't want me no more ♪
- Whoo! [laughs]
Yeah! That was awesome, man!
Where'd you learn how to play like that?
- I roadied for ZZ Top.
Plus I started taking guitar lessons last year.
- I love ZZ Top.
They're like the champagne of beer-drinking music
- Brother, I could tell you some stories.
- I would love to hear those. [lighter sparks]
Oh, my gosh. What are you--
What are you doing?
I--you got a cigarette in your neck.
- Hey, you can't smoke in here.
He can't smoke in here.
And he knows that because we've been through this, Art
Haven't we?
- I don't get to have any fun in this dump.
They took away my cigarettes.
They took away my booze.
I can't even steal any pills anymore.
- I mean, what is wrong with young people today.
They need to respect their elders'...
desire to do as many drugs as they want.
- You seem to me to be a pretty righteous hombre.
- I wish you were my grandpa.
- I tell you what.
You run some interference for me,
help me score some pills,
you can call me anything you want, son.
- I know that I haven't been in, like, a war war.
But last spring, I got in a fight at a Dodgers game,
and, yeah, he beat me up pretty good.
It was a very, very violent Mexican man.
But I got the first laugh.
- But you're too fat to fight.
Go home, Short-Wide.
I got a pig to carve.
And I'm not talking about your Aunt Silvia.
' Stop it! You stop!
Ow!
Ow.
I am not a pussy.
And I'm gonna prove it to you.
[beatboxing] - ♪ Do what? ♪
[beatboxing] - ♪ Kick it ♪
- I'm gonna launch off this roof at 7 miles per hour
like a war helicopter.
- [groans]
- Then I'm gonna deploy this bed sheet
as my parachute...
and gently drop down to safety.
- You're gonna die.
- So would your girlfriend be mad if she knew
you were all alone in another woman's room?
- No, I don't even have a girlf--
I'm between girlfriends right now.
Models is what I'm usually dating,
but, no, this is strictlyjournalistic, so--
- Well, come and get your scoop.
- Look I know what you're doing,
but your husband's sleeping right there.
- Oh, honey, my husband's been sleeping there
for the last six years.
[soft music playing] Drop your pants,
and I'll tell you everything you want.
- All right, I just--
I really want to be on MTV True Life.
Have you seen it?
It's pretty good.
- Oh, not so fast, bronco.
- Ow. - I may not be old,
but I am old-fashioned.
So, uh, dance for me first.
$5'
- Right? And then a little bit of this.
It's not the butterfly.
It's the Tootsie Roll. Know what I mean?
- [clears throat loudly]
Nice day.
- Uh-huh. - What kind of enchiladas
were those, huh? Roadkill?
- Mm-hmm.
- Wouldn't mind if we had some smooth pudding
every once in a while.
- Uh-huh.
- Oh! Oh!
- I'm coming, sir.
- Oh, bacon bits!
Oh, just the tip of my hip--
No, no need to touch, really!
No, it's fine.
You got witch hands.
- Oh! - You got witch hands, okay?
- Oh, so tell me about the '60s.
Did you march, and for what side?
- What happened? Did somebody hit the emergency--
Peggy, Jesus Christ. Not again.
' Again?
- [laughing] Nice, I think we got 'em, man.
- Hey! You are not two old men.
You are an old man, but you are not.
- And in conclusion,
as the civil rights activist
Doc Martens Luther King once said,
take yee sleazy.
And I'm out.
[cart whirring]
[screaming]
Ow, my shoulders!
Oh, God!
- Damn it.
Okay, you three, guess what.
Go to your rooms, and say aloha to the luau.
But make it the good-bye aloha,
'cause you're not going.
Get. And you three, get the hell out of here.
Don't film me.
Don't film me anymore.
- This is all your fault.
- See ya, Grandpa.
- This sucks. - [groaning]
- I finally get a grandpa worth keeping and loving,
and his beard slips right through my fingers.
- Yeah, and I might as well call my true life
MTV True Life: I can't make an MTV True Life
to save my life.
- This isn't over. Mm-mm. - No, it's not.
You still need insurance from your gramps.
- I need to prove to that old turd that I'm a real
I'm gonna steal his wrinkly ass out of here,
and then I'm gonna take him to the yard,
and the yard is our house,
and I'm gonna bark at him like a big dog,
'cause I'm a big dog, and I'm ready to...
[howling] howwwl!
- What are you talking about? - I don't know, man.
I'm in a lot of pain right now.
I think I might die.
Lady and old dudes,
welcome to the inautical our luau for old people
- Hey, what's up?
- [whistles]
- Jillian! - Hew
- Where's the luau stuff? - What is this?
- I don't know. It's a luau.
It's a different kind of luau.
- Luau? Blake texted me Lou Albano.
- What? - I thought he meant, like,
"Captain Lou" Albano, the wrestling manager
and Cyndi Laupefs dad.
- Ohhh, yeah, psh. Look at that.
Phone must've auto-corrected luau to Lou Albano.
- Wow, that's insane.
How often are you texting the words "Lou Albano
- I don't know.
Like, four to five times a week.
But what's up with all the cool, uh,
hip, happening chicks, Jillian?
- Oh, this is my hockey team.
We were gonna go to the bar
after our big win, but this seemed like more fun.
Yeah, bunch of crazy Russian bitches.
[laughs] No, they're dolls.
They're sweet girls.
- Oh, I bet. - What's up, babies?
You know the mouth of the South ain't gonna miss
a "Captain Lou" Albano party with hockey chicks!
[cheers and laughter]
- Slash-luau.
- It's me. Uh, it's Karl.
I'm dressed as Jimmy Hart.
[hip-hop music]
- ♪ Boys are fresh ♪
[hip-hop music]
[luau music playing]
- So how does our luau compare to your old folks' luau?
- I like this one a lot better.
- Thank you. We worked kind of--
Oh, I see what you're--
God, you're-- Hey! Here's the deal.
I'll let you have a dance, one song,
but then you gotta answer one of my questions.
- Sure thing, babe. - All right.
Have a good--
have a good time.
[Russian pop music playing]
- Ahh. [chuckles]
- Now, this is my kinda party. - Yeah.
- What's going on here?
- Russian drinking game.
No pussy men allowed.
- Whoa, okay, USA all the way, all right?
I bet 20 bucks my gramps here could drink y'all
Dolph Lundgrenettes under the table.
- Let's go. - All right.
Show 'em who's boss.
- [chuckling] - Mm-hmm.
$5'
Whoo! - Ahh.
- Yeah! - Lina.
We need more vodka. - Why?
We got plenty of good alcohol right here.
- Oh, no, that's hand sanitizer.
That's not..
_ [gulpingl
Ah.
Want some?
- He beat me.
Straight up. Pay him.
Pay this man his money.
- Whoo! [laughs]
Anybody got any hard drugs?
- [laughs awkwardly] USA.
Uh-oh.
Grandpa. He's just taking a nap.
Grandpa--
- Whoa'.!
Anybody got any hard drugs?
- [grunting]
Grandpa, I know you think I pussed out earlier,
but I'm gonna prove to you once and for all
I'm a real DeMamp, starting now.
Jﬂfian,youready? - Yep
- Okay. - On action, okay? Ready?
- Yep Grandpa, you watching?
- And action. - Yo.
What it is? Adam DeMamp here,
here with DeMamp Camp: Working Out with Tires
As you saw earlier,
I de-located both of my arms
doing my classic dead tire flip lift.
But I plan on doing the impossible
to prove to my grandfather that I'm not a pussy.
That's him right there, although that has nothing to do
with the video.
But I shall do it right now,
1,000 times in a row, starting right now.
Okay. Are you getting this?
Grandpa, are you watching?
[screaming]
[Crunch] Oh!
Oh, my bacld - Adam--
- I ripped my back muscle in half!
[luau music playing]
$5'
- Hey, I'm so sorry to interrupt.
Is it okay if I borrow your dance partner,
just for a second?
Get over here.
I don't know what your endgame is,
but that old horny lady over there
thinks you're a guy, so unless you want her
to find out otherwise,
you better answer some questions
for my new documentary, MTV True Life:
I'm a Russian lesbian hockey player living in America,
maybe legally.
- How about I just beat your ass?
- I don't fight girls.
[thud] Oh! No, please!
[groaning] ' Oh. yes!
I love it when they fight over me.
Fight. fight!
- [gasping]
You're dancing with a woman.
- [laughing] - Oh, and one...
and two. .. and three'.!
That's it. We got a new winner.
We've got a winner!
She knocked you out like a bitch!
- Russian Whip-Its.
- Oh, dear.
- It will blow the hair
right off your babushka.
- [laughing] - [murmurs]
- We want to keep the hair on his babushka today
thank you.
Okay-- - Ha, ha, ha!
- Hockey team-- Hey, no!
See what you--
- [groaning] - Great. All right.
Do you need to go to the restroom, or what?
- Yeah, I-- - He can't breathe.
[with accent] He can't breathe. He can't breathe!
- [groaning] - CPR! Anybody?
- Blake-- - I got you, Grandpa.
Uh, just, uh, split the mustache, and--
- No, no, no! - And kind of just--
- No! Mouth to neck.
- Huh? - Mouth, neck.
You got to help me, Grandson.
- Oh, no, no. [chuckles]
Maybe this is just your time to go, my old man.
- I can't breathe.
You got to help your old grandpa.
- Okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, fine, fine.
Uh...[chuckles] uh...
Eh. . .uh. . . ugh...
[Coughs]
' [grunts] ' Oh! Oh!
- I'm good. - [groaning]
I got your--I got your throat spluge on my mouth!
Oh. my God!
- That was a rush. Do you wanna keep it going?
_ [gagging]
[hip-hop music]
- Just give me the health insurance, please!
[sobbing]
Just give me the health insurance!
Please! I don't know what else to do.
[sizzle] Oh, Jesus!
Oh, fuck, now I burned my hand!
- Arthur's life alarm went off--what?
Just made it in time.
- [coughs, vomits]
- George! Hey!
It's time to go home.
- Oh, I don't think so, Mark.
You took my pig away from me.
And I'm not talking about this piece right here.
So sayonara.
- [vomiting] - Yeah--no. No.
- Your grandpa's a total fucking dick.
- Grandpa!
- Come on.
All right, all right, all right.
- Keep them in the truck. - Saved your life, man
- I saw George heading west.
He's not gonna get far on those artificial hips.
- Tranq gun.
No. He's my grandpa.
I got this.
[groaning]
Oh! Oh, that hurt.
Yeah. Okay.
- West is the other way. - Okay.
Yeah. Ugh.
You hiding from me?
I'm a way better hiderer
than you'll ever be.
Oh, I found you.
You--ow!
OW. jeez!
Get back here!
Ow. - [grunts]
- I'm gonna shoot you so hard! - [groans]
- Come on.
Both: [grunting and groaning]
- Jeez, it's like Double Dare in here.
- [grunts] - [screams]
- Jesus, how many plants does this--ugh.
What's happening?
You have a beautiful home. I love it.
- [screams]
[both grunting and panting]
Ow. Is this marble? It's beautiful.
Hey! You get back here!
[indistinct chatter]
Get back here!
You get back here right now!
Get down!
Get dooown!
[kids screaming]
Whoo! Whoooo!
[heroic music]
$5'
[roars in slow motion]
$5'
- Oh!
- Agh. - Man down.
- [grunting] Sorry about that.
Family stuff. You guys have grandpas, right?
Grandpa? Oh, my God. I'm so sorry.
- [murmurs] - There was no other way.
- No, no, it's okay.
I'm proud of you because...
you proved yourself to be a real man.
[chuckles] Unlike me.
- What? - I'm not a war hero.
I got a dishonorable discharge because...
I shot myself in the leg to avoid combat.
And the only reason I was so hard on you
was because I didn't want you to end up like me.
I'm a loser.
- You're not a loser.
You are a DeMamp.
It's not in our T.N.A.
- I'm gonna put you back on the health insurance.
You know why?
. Why'?
- Because you learned how to take a punch.
[strains]
- Ow!
Fucw
Welcome to DeMamp Camp:
Fully Insured.
On this new edition,
I will be showing you a brand-new exercise
that I just created using my own brain
and intelligence.
It's called the roof-fly-delt-pump.
Basically, you get a running start,
pump your dens so hard that you come
to a nice, soft landing, because you've just flown
for a few seconds.
Let's do this!
[screams] - Come on, here we go. Yeah!
- [screams] [thud]
Ohhh!
- Oh! Adam!
- Blake, we get it?
- Dude, you don't have to keep asking me
if we got--oh.
Actually, I ran out of batteries.
Ders, did you get it?
- Yeah, did you get the behind-the-scenes?
- Yeah, I got it.
MTV True Life:
I'm trying to get on Tosh.0.
- Nice.
[dog snorting, horn honks]
- [screams]
Ow! My shoulders! Oh, God!
- Lord, kill me now.
Bell Biv DeVoe.
Samuel L. Jackson.
Joseph Gordon-Levitt.
Jonathan Taylor Thomas.